#because i may have to rethink my sexuality a little
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romanticallyghosting · 1 year ago
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the council (my 1 irl) has ruled that the mad hatter is, and i quote "hot as hell" jddbnssk
oh my GOD you guys are down bad…
maybe it’s just because i don’t like men… hmm…
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bookshelfdreams · 15 days ago
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In case you're wondering what the fuck is going on in Germany today:
After our government imploded last week, current vice chancellor Robert Habeck (Greens) was the first to announce that he is going to run for chancellor in the upcoming election. He did this with a picture in which he was seen wearing a bracelet that spelt out "Kanzler-Era". He then proceeded to properly announce his candidacy in a video, filmed on a set designed to look like my mum's kitchen in the 90s, where he said, and I quote,
"I am ready to offer my experience, my strength, and my responsibility. As chancellor, if you'll have me."
He also encouraged people to invite him into their homes so he could listen to their problems. His party is currently polling around 10-12% btw. Ambitious to the point of delusion, but mad respect. Just look at him.
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The title translates to "My application as a candidate for the people in Germany". The Greens are always so goddamn earnest, you just gotta love them.
So anyway, this prompted a random dude from the Cologne CDU (that's the conservative party) named Gundolf (no, really) to post on twitter that, should the Greens win, we should "inofficially" rethink women's right to vote. He also called Habeck a "political marriage swindler".
German twitter, predictably, replied with a very well-deserved "The FUCK, bro".
Then, Gundolf goes on an absolutely unhinged rant about how, actually, historically women weren't discriminated against because they were "rightfully" considered more emotional and fragile, and also, women's suffrage was a result of higher literacy rates (???), and ALSO, have you, the reader, considered that Robert Habeck is the true misogynist here because he presents himself as emotionally available in a clear effort to manipulate the girlies??? With his good looks and political competency and raw sexual appeal. NOT GUNDOLF of course. HE is immune to all that. He's just concerned for women and their fragile little brains.
(Okay, I may have exaggerated that last part a little but that's the vibes. Gundolf, do you want to tell us something?)
Anyway, that's the party who will most likely head our government next year 🙃
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queerprayers · 10 months ago
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any tips/advice for someone who is not catholic who wants to participate in lent? like how to choose what to give up etc?
Cheers to not letting Catholics have a monopoly on Lent, beloved! Last year I answered a similar ask that might be helpful. Here are the thoughts I have right now!
[CW: discussion of eating/fasting in italics] My most important note/disclaimer: Fasting is not for everyone. It is a beautiful tradition (for Catholics and non-Catholics) that can change people's lives, but if it's going to be a part of your practice, do it on purpose, knowing yourself. It inherently changes your relationship with food--and for people who have always had enough to eat, who have never struggled with disordered eating, who have never been seriously ill, there can be a solidarity and new perspective in fasting, in realizing how sensory experiences and comfort and mortality go together, how privileged you are to have the choice to go hungry. But for those who have struggled with food insecurity, or have lived through/live with eating disorders/disability/illness, or any other experience/relationship with food/the body that changes your perspective, fasting will often be a re-traumatizing or triggering practice that doesn't change your perspective so much as reinforce unhealthy ones. Something I think about: why fast if you cannot feast? Lenten fasting brings us to Easter feasting--if that's not accessible to you, if that wouldn't be joyful or affordable or healthy, fasting probably isn't either. Okay, all that said:
There is so much diversity in what a Lenten practice can look like, and I can't tell you what will be most meaningful for you, but I'll give you some ideas and some questions that have been helpful for me to ask myself! Lent existed way before the Catholic/Protestant divide, and exists among so many diverse communities, and there is a path here for you if you want one.
"Giving up something" is the most common language used for Lent--fasting technically refers to anything abstained from--and generally that's really useful! Jesus's forty days in the wilderness was time that he had nothing but God, and during Lent we can get closer to that experience. I give things up not as punishment or a test of self-control (those ideas trigger unhealthy behavior patterns for me), but as a letting go of something that is in my life but doesn't need to be, and may deserve reconsidering. Sometimes it's a bad habit, but sometimes it's just a conscious allowing of my life to grow simultaneously smaller and bigger. There is space for grief during Lent, but we're not just making ourselves feel bad--I've never found forced emotions to be spiritually helpful. Emotions come and go--we're doing this on purpose, and whatever we feel about it, we make space for that.
Ideas of things to give up:
eating out/getting coffee/buying drinks/little treats
impulse buying/nonessentials (you could pick a category, like clothes, or go all out)
alcohol/drugs/smoking (if this would be starting a recovery journey, I am not the person to ask for advice on that but please do seek help)
social media (you could choose one app to give up, or set time limits--it doesn't have to be all or nothing)
scrolling-on-your-phone time before bed/another time when you get sucked in
another form of casual entertainment (like TV/video games--again, you can limit this rather than cutting it out)
sexual activity (I talked about this here)
makeup/other appearance-related thing (I must confess I have considered doing this and always chickened out. I know that's because it would force me to rethink too many things, which is a probably a sign I should do it one of these years.)
a social habit, like gossiping or getting into arguments online
overscheduling/not having rest days (this is often unavoidable, but rest is necessary and holy, and perhaps this is the season for sacrifice in honor of rest)
single-use plastics/another environmental choice
Note: I don't think any of these things are inherently bad things. This is a list of things we can change/investigate our relationship with or have a season without them as a distraction, not things I think we shouldn't be doing or we should feel bad about.
One of the most important things I've realized is that so often I have given something up and not done anything about it. Like I didn't watch TV for forty days and was mad about it and then Lent was over and I watched TV again. Perhaps this strengthened my self-discipline, or made my life better in a way known only to God, but ultimately nothing happened. I didn't consciously do anything else, I didn't learn anything.
Now, when I give up something, I purposely do something with whatever space it leaves. If I'm not watching TV, what am I going to do when I would usually watch TV? Am I gonna pray? go to bed earlier? call my grandmother? Am I gonna cancel my Netflix subscription for a couple months and donate that saved money? Or maybe I'm gonna give up watching mindless TV, and find stories that resonate and make me think. Don't give things up to check a box, but to reexamine your relationship with them, make everyday things sacred, fill the space/time/money/energy you now have with God, and ultimately to set this time apart.
The other way of looking at Lent practices is things you can add. Often, as I mentioned, they go together--you can pair up something you're no longer buying with somewhere to donate to, or give up an activity and replace it with a new one. I always caution against Lent-as-self-improvement--obviously I can support improving our habits, but I've seen too many people use Lent to restart their new year's workout plans, and while exercise can be a way to care for ourselves, if new year's and Lent are treated the exact same way, what's different about this season? What makes this Lent?
One of the questions I've been asking myself recently is: What are you gonna do about it? When I'm investigating a belief, or learning something new, or reframing an old thought process, I ask myself: What am I gonna do about it? Lent is a path to Holy Week--something I and many others commemorate as the week when God was put on trial and literally killed. I genuinely believe God died and was resurrected--how does this affect my life? Believing something like that and not letting it change you is, to me, inauthentic. When I'm considering a belief, I think, if this were true, how would it change me? Would it lead me to Love? Lent (and Christianity itself) over and over asks us to do something about what we say we believe. Faith without works is dead--and faith is a work, something I do.
It's almost Lent, which is preparation for the Resurrection, which fundamentally changes our understanding of what it means to be alive--so what are you gonna do about it? Not because doing something will make God love you more or make you a "better person," or even because you'll succeed or change your life, but because how can we not? We are of course welcome at Easter having done nothing, but I can't imagine knowing what's coming and not letting it change me.
Ideas of things to add to our lives:
start a prayer/Bible routine--I can now wholeheartedly recommend (as a Protestant who connects with ancient traditions but not always Catholicism) Phyllis Tickle's Divine Hours books! For Bible study, I like The Bible Project's videos.
read a book--it can be anything that connects you with God! (I had a lovely experience with Lenten Lord of the Rings last year, and this year I'm properly going through the Quran)
pick a subject to research (theological or anything else)
start to attend worship services or commit to attending more--this could include going to several different places if you don't currently belong to a church
research places to volunteer for or donate to
do something politically active, like calling your representatives, researching the next local election, or attending a protest
donate to the next [insert number here] posts you see online requesting mutual aid
start a physical practice like taking a walk or stretching
write a letter or call someone regularly, especially with people you've been wanting to connect with more or have unresolved conflict with
start/commit to more regular therapy/other health treatment
ask for help--maybe you're the one who needs mutual aid, or reaching out to, or support cleaning your house or with your kids. there is no shame in this.
These are all obviously things we can be doing year round, and certainly we can use Lent as a season to start something we want to keep with us! I'd also encourage us to have something that's only present during Lent, or something that we do more or in a different way.
You asked how to choose, and I don't have a one sentence answer to that (...obviously), but perhaps in these days before Lent you can look at your routine/habits, the places where God is present, the things you do to distract yourself from life (not a crime--just something to be mindful of), and you can see where Lent might be able to come in and change you. The thing that's nagging at you that you know might be helpful, the thing you're not in control of and just do, the time you take up or the money you spend that might not be bad but also doesn't lead you anywhere. We can't expect every aspect of our lives to be purposeful and present, or to be continuously improving ourselves (in fact, that sounds terribly stressful and unsustainable)--but we can look around us. We can have a season that looks different because everyone I've ever known has a brain that craves ritual in some way--and either we do it on purpose, or we fall into it. Do something (or don't do something) a little more on purpose this season.
Another think to think about is what Sundays will look like for you--the "forty days" don't count them. There's no fasting on Sundays--my mom says every Sunday is a little Easter. "Sundays in Lent" is such an interesting concept because it's very much Lent, but the rhythm of our weeks breaks through. When I give up soda, I'll have one as a celebration on Sundays, but a prayer/reading practice I'll continue through. It's up to you and depends on what your rhythm/habits ask of you.
Ultimately, let God interrupt you. Let Them seep in the cracks of everything you do and let go of. To be loved is to be changed. Even the smallest thing--like wearing a cross necklace every day--can cause our lives to be filled with noticing God's presence. I keep saying to do this on purpose, but know that I find Them much more often by accident.
And an obligatory note: starting Lent late, stopping your practice halfway through, not meeting a goal, whatever comes up--Easter still comes for you. Lent is for paying attention, for making space, not for perfection.
I also want to add that while a lot of Lenten practices (including most I've mentioned here) tend to be personal, ultimately what is asked of us is interpersonal. We make space in our life and be more present in the name of Love--which we cannot do alone. If a practice is not specifically about other people (like volunteering/donating), ask yourself how it will serve the ways you love others? This isn't a trick question, just something to think about. Personally, my study of the Quran this season will connect me with my Muslim siblings through time and enable me to more fully love the Muslims around me, and my rhythm of the divine hours will connect me with the wider Christian community and center me as I go about my day, allowing me to be more present in my relationships.
Easter comes whether we're ready or not--and I don't think we can be ready. But we can look at the small parts of ourselves, set this time apart, see what we can change our relationship with, and perhaps when Easter comes, we will every year have come that much closer to understanding what it means to live out the resurrection by honoring the death that came first.
Wishing you a blessed almost-Lent, and praying for you and your practice (as well as all those reading this)!
<3 Johanna
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bornnraisedinsilenthill · 5 months ago
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I understand people who are disappointed in Dragon Age’s lack of darkness in the newer games.
Yes, it was funny, quirky and stupid. Always was and hopefully always will be.
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But what I see most people missing, is how dark Origins could be and how little impact the dark stuff in Inquisition had. Example:
When you meet Hespith in Origins and learn about broodmother’s, it rightfully freaks you out. The gore lying on the floor, the poem being recited in the background and the realisation of what had happened, what has to happen to create a broodmother, all perfectly made to present the twisted shape of the enemy to you and add a vitality to your rise against the blight. It adds together almost beautifully to create the most horrifying quest in the entire game.
(I will not add a picture of the scene here, because Hespith’s haunted face genuinely unsettles me. Her face alone manages to encapsulate the horror of this scene.)
In Inquisition you fall into the fade and into the lair of an overpowered fear demon. Fear demon, whose purpose is to torture you with your nightmares. It is the perfect quest to go wild with the horror aspects, that built the Dragon Age games. To build up an unsettling atmosphere, so that the enemy and the setting could pay off on the idea. To have the demon torment you, perhaps isolate you, and haunt every player who replays the game. Instead the demon kind of roasts your companions.
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This was merely the example that bothered me the most, as I played the quest, hoped for a lot and was left a little underwhelmed. It hurts especially after the quest, wherein you’re sent forth in time. That one used its’ darkness to give your Inquisitor a taste of the future, should the enemy succeed.
Similar games, like the Witcher or Baldurs Gate, are able to balance the light and darkness in equal measure. Sure, you get drunk with your Witcher buddies, but you will always rethink your choice to free or not to free the demon under the tree, to save or not to safe the children from the bog. It makes you understand Geralt’s decision to stay away from most choices. Sure, the sexy vampire is sexy, but also suffers from how he was used as a sexual object by his former master and how you can do the same. It makes you rethink your own actions and understand Astarion better.
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When Solas tells you, that he is Fen’Harel, it was given all the buildup it needed and will forever be, in my opinion, one of the best plot twists in history. It makes you replay the game, analyse his dialogue and analyse him. I merely wish the rest of the game and its’ quests be treated with the same amount of importance and care. Because yes, Dragon Age is goofy, but that is not all it is. And we’re right to worry, that it may have lost its’ dark moments and with it its’ depth, as honestly tell me, how much did you find the side quest, especially the ones in the Hinterlands, in Inquisition interesting?
I want the Evanuris to make the impact they deserve to make in the world, story and the player. I want the story to not only give me a fun time, but to leave a certain darkness and sadness in it, to make the fun moments shine so much more. I do not want to play the game and find, that it lost its’ charm, because it was too afraid to tell a deep story and too interested in making money. I do not want to play a game of a beloved franchise, to find it hurting the name of the others, that came before.
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anabdaniels · 1 year ago
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Cowboytober Day 6- Nipple play
Paring: Agent Whiskey x Female Reader
Word counting: 1.1k
Rating: 18+
Warning: Couch sex, slight sensory deprivation.
Masterlist
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All those unfunny jokes about how marriage always ruined people’s sexual lives had never made sense to you, and, after got married to Jack, you concluded that your speculation that the reason why a lot of wives would be running from their husbands was precisely the husbands was true, because you couldn’t imagine yourself being able to survive having sex with him just twice in a month. Of course, there were those days when you were exhausted from work or the times when your period cramps were too painful for you to do anything besides curl up in bed in pure pain, but these situations were exceptions, just like the days when Jack was so drained from work that all he wanted was to lay his head on your lap and fall asleep with your hands caressing his hair.
Truth had to be told. Even sometimes ending up with a backache the next day or with sore quadriceps, you loved every single minute spent in bed (in the shower, on the couch, on the kitchen island…) with Jack. Even the most calm and lazy make-love session had the power to leave you immeasurably satisfied and, sometimes, wanting a round two. Jack would rather die than admit it out loud, but for a lot of times, he was the one throwing the towel and telling you that he couldn’t go for another round, and, to be fair, he had all the right to be exhausted after a couple of rounds because that man was the most altruistic lover one could have. If you hadn’t cum at least twice, Jack Daniels hadn’t done his job yet.
And, at that moment, the situation was pretty much like that.
A little teasing conversation had ended up on a quickie on the couch and, after had recovered your composure, you wanted more. Conscious that biology wasn’t exactly in his favor in those circumstances, Jack was fully aware that he’d need a moment before being able to make you scream his name once more. But obviously, a simple refractory period wouldn’t be enough to prevent your cowboy from having a bit of fun with your despair.
You should have foreseen his trap at the moment he laid on the couch and placed you on top of him, with your back resting on his chest. But you only realized his intentions when his mouth was on your neck and his hands on your breasts, making you squirm and sigh.
“I hope you know that you’ll pay for this.” You said with your head slightly turned to the side to look at him.
“For what? Entertain my beloved wife?” he raised one eyebrow with a cynical smile.
“For make me misera-” you got interrupted by your whimper when he gently pinched your nipples “Sometimes I almost regret having told you all my weak spots.” You closed your eyes, trying to not lose all your composure, but he wasn’t cooperating while calmly rubbing your nipples.
“You’re so ungrateful with my disposal to satisfy you, sugarcube. I think you need to rethink your statements and, luckily for you, I’m willing to help you with that.” His voice was warm and calm, while his fingers were still playing with your nipples.
“Do I want to know what you have on mind?” you questioned after managing to open your eyes again.
“And have I ever disappointed you, honeybee?” before you could process an answer, he already was pulling your body upper and making you lay on your side. It took you a few seconds to realize that now his mouth was dangerously close to your breasts.
“You’ll kill me if you keep like that.”
“Don’t be like this, my love. The most serious that may happen is I make you cum again.” Jack didn’t give you the time to think in a response, faster than the blink of an eye, one of your nipples was in his mouth while he caressed the other. Your hands moved straight to his hair, grabbing a handful of it and moaning softly.
Jack could spend hours like that, an arm around your waist to keep you the steadiest possible, the free hand cupping your breast while his fingers caressed it, and his mouth working on nibbling and sucking your other nipple with the plus of his mustache tickling your skin.
You tried to keep calm, but, when you realized, you were already contorting, whimpering, and rubbing your thighs against each other, also unable to ignore that you were getting noticeably wet. Jack was too damn good at whatever he decided to do with you, but somehow, his skills seemed to increase every time he decided to tease you.
Despite being a total mess, you opened your eyes with a bit of effort, just to find Jack already looking at you, seeming to be truly pleased with the situation. His free hand moved a bit down to caress your butt at the same pace he started to suck your nipple slightly harder, making you contort and moan louder. You were too focused on all the things you were feeling and only noticed that Jack had laid you on your back when you felt his weight on top of you and his hands caressing the sides of your body. He planted a soft kiss on the space between your breasts before moving his mouth to your other nipple, slowly licking then sucking it and moving one hand to your free breast to gently pinch your nipple.
Amidst one of your involuntary moves, you realized that you could get a bit of relief, by rubbing your throbbing needy cunt on his thigh which ended up with you whimpering loudly. At the moment he noticed what you were doing, Jack moved his hands down, closing your legs and straddling them to be sure you’d keep them closed.
“Oh c’mon, Jack. You can’t do this to me.” You complained promptly, trying to move your legs.
“But I will, honeybee.” He answered with a smirk while sliding his hands back to your breasts, softly rubbing your nipples.
“I hate you sometimes, Daniels.” You said with your breath slightly out of rhythm, starting to squirm once more.
“People that don’t like me always had a lot of different reactions in my presence, but getting wet is a new one for me.” He kept a smug expression on his face, and pinched your nipples a bit harder than before, making you sink your nails on the couch.
“How did I end up with such an arrogant husband?” you chuckled and rolled your eyes, sighing heavily while he kept his fingers working on your nipples.
“An arrogant husband who satisfies all your needs, sugar.” He kept his smug way and leaned to kiss you softly, making you smile widely, aware that he’d provide you with all the pleasure you could ask for.  
Cowboytober Masterlist
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emdeedot45 · 1 year ago
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EmmaxAldon - To the Core
I loved the chemistry between these two in Fubar... couldn't resist writing a little something for them!
* * *
Emma sat on the steps outside the cabin, staring up at the stary sky. The past few weeks had been nothing short of weird.
After fleeing from the wedding, they’d ended up in a remote cabin the CIA had used as a safe house, while they awaited further instructions on what they needed to do next.
Standard procedure when your identity was compromised.
But that wasn’t really the weird part.
No, the weird part was the group of people she was with.
She had her team of course – her dad, Roo, Barry, and Aldon. Then there was her family too – her mom, Oscar, Romi and...
But then there was also Donnie and Carter. The two very unfortunate souls who were dragged into this complete shit show. They shouldn’t be here. Her worlds were colliding in uncomfortable ways, and she didn’t know how to handle it.
She’d worked so hard to keep Carter separate from her life in the CIA, and now it had all gone to shit.
But Emma was wiser now. Working with this team had somehow made her more self-aware. That she needed to own her decisions. That sometimes the ideals she built up in her head could never exist. Should never exist.
And that maybe the ideal wasn’t what she thought it was. Maybe the ideal was something else entirely. Something that had caught her completely off guard.
“Penny for your thoughts, Brunner?”
Emma turned her head and saw Aldon standing behind her, his hands shoved in his pockets.
There was no doubt that his stupid cute face was an ideal – especially when he looked at her like that.
She shook her head before turning back to look at the stars, “You don’t want to know.”
She heard the wood decking creek behind her before Aldon lowered himself down beside her. “Try me.”
Emma sucked in a breath, “I am... thinking about love.”
“Love?”
Emma turned to look at him with a teasing smile, “Yeah, love. You know that intense feeling of deep affection for someone or something—”
The corner of his mouth slowly tipped up, his eyes scanning her face.
Emma gulped.
How could his light perusal send her into an internal spiral? She was a spy for gods sake! She should be calm.
Then again, her dad was a prime example of how love had no rules. It wasn’t something we could ever control no matter how hard we tried. No matter how hard we tried to make love fit a mould that suited us.
“I know what love is, Emma.” Aldon responded quietly, his eyes still firmly on hers. “My mom always told me that love should rock your world to its core. It should rock it in a way you don’t ever want to come back from.”
“That’s pretty profound pooh bear. Didn’t you tell me that the only way to do this job was to not get attached to other people?” She said with a light laugh.
Aldon lifted a shoulder, “Just because I’ve never experienced love – or I’ve chosen not to experience it – doesn’t mean it doesn’t or cannot exist. Maybe it’s sometimes worth the risk. But I’m definitely open to have my world rocked.” He finished with a wink.
Emma let out a playful scoff and rolled her eyes. Trust Aldon to turn something sweet into something sexual. She knew in that moment that the CIA’s very own HIMBO struggled with vulnerability – and it was all too relatable.
He did have one up on her, however. He had been open with her in that bunker and in the aftermath. Talking about his past and his choices. About how she was making him rethink those choices. About how she was worth the wait.
And what had she done? Thrown it all in his face. Showing such little regard for his feelings. He wanted to be a choice, not an afterthought.
She wanted him to be a choice too.
And she knew that he could be.
“I think I liked the idea of Carter.” She blurted out, kind of unexpectedly. She figured if she’d started, she may as well continue. “Stability, normality, calm. I tried to force him into this ideal of what I wanted my home life to be but it just – it doesn’t exist. It can’t exist. Not in my world.”
“I think you can still have all of those things in this job. You just have to have it with the right person.” Aldon replied.
“I’m not sure what the right person could be in this job.”
“When you know, you’ll know.” Aldon replied with such conviction in his voice.
Emma looked at him. How could someone who had never experienced love be so sure? Then again, she wasn’t exactly a good example of what it looked like to love someone. What did she know?
“I’m really sorry, Aldon.”
Aldon raised a brow, “Looks like I’m the next stop on the Emma Brunner apology tour.”
She chuckled, “Looks like it. I was unfair to you. I used you without any regard for your feelings and I lied about it afterwards. It did mean something to me. I’m just still working out what.”
Aldon slowly nodded, “Maybe it’s the start of a love that will rock your world to its core.” He replied with a grin.
Emma let out a breathy laugh, “I think it would take a lot to rock my world given the life I live.”
Aldon stood up, walking a few paces in front of her. He turned around and placed his hands on his hips. “Challenge accepted.”
Emma was stunned to silence. This man was something else. Arrogant, indecent –
Who was she kidding?
He was confident, thoughtful, protective, sexy – and he just got her. He knew what she needed, and he understood her heart. Her flawed heart that just needed some work to get in the right place.
To get in the right place to love someone like they deserved to be loved.
“You’re confident. I’ll give you that.”
That was all Emma had in her to reply in that moment. The rest had to wait.
“I told you that you were worth waiting for, Emma. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give you a little nudge in the right direction.” He commented before he turned and started to walk away. He paused and turned around again, “How do you feel about being serenaded?”
Emma snorted, “Don’t you dare.”
Aldon nodded, “Hm. Thought so.” He teased with a wink before walking away again.
Man.
She was in trouble.
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patricia-von-arundel · 2 years ago
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Okay, here's the thing -
One of the arguments trotted out about people who are trans is that their genitalia may not match their "outward appearance."
(Though honestly, who cares? Does a "masculine" woman get a pass simply for not having a penis? Or a "feminine" man for not having a menstrual cycle? Do we draw the line only at whether you have innie bits or outtie bits??? Because my belly button would like a word, if so.)
Let's talk a little more about that - the genitalia thing.
First of all, one of the "gotcha" arguments is that if you are a gay man, you wouldn't have sex with someone with a vagina, and if you are a lesbian woman, you wouldn't have sex with someone with a penis. Let's keep it simple as that, for the moment, though I realize there are shades of bi, pan, etc., in as many colors as a pride flag. So - simple.
But even there... is it?
It's rarely referenced as dating someone with certain genitalia. Only sex.
But not every relationship, even romantic ones, is sexual. For all sorts of reasons. People may be ace, may have pain during "traditional" intercourse (PinV intercourse), may have trauma related to sex, damage to or development of genitalia such that it isn't possible to have "traditional" sex, may be celibate for their own reasons, or any other reason. Can someone not date, even if sex is out of the picture?
Of course they can.
And here's where the dating-vs-sex thing really comes into play. Those who insist genitalia must be both "normal" and used for sex to qualify as male or female clearly believe "relationship" is defined by "sex."
But it isn't.
And that's something that has to be factored in in using genitalia and sex as defining what is a man or a woman. Especially considering there are conditions where chromosomes don't match up with physical and sexual development. Individuals may have the XY chromosomes generally seen in those with male development and genitalia - but have some or all female genitalia development (aside from the uterus) and secondary sex characteristics (such as breasts). On the other hand, there may also be an individual with XXY chromosomes, and they develop with male genitalia, but few secondary male sex characteristics (such as increased body hair). In either case, individuals are often sterile (though genetic research is slowly finding ways to circumvent this), but regardless, develop female sex organs, male sex organs, or some combination (and there is some debate about including these conditions as being intersex, but I'm not informed enough to speak on whether I would agree with that or not - and regardless, it is irrelevant to my current focus).
Okay - so there are situations where a woman (with female genitalia and secondary sex characteristics) is XY, and situations where a man (where male genitalia and some secondary sex characteristics) is XXY.
So to loop back around, we already have situations where chromosomes don't match the development of sex organs. Already well on the way to having to rethink genitalia = gender. Let's then consider genitalia = sex = relationship.
I'll offer my own preferences as an example: I am physically and sexually attracted to women. If I were to seek a sexual relationship with a woman, would I consider penetrative sex if they have a penis?
Probably not.
But - would I consider having a non-sexual or non-penetrative romantic relationship with a woman who has a penis?
Absolutely!
And here's the thing: if there was someone I was very into as a romantic partner, would I be averse to that if they were 100% asexual and not interested in any sex?
Nope.
Love and relationships are built around partnership. Having a penis (or vagina) isn't what I would immediately discount in looking for that. By the same token, I'd be fine on the other side, if I found myself attracted to and compatible with someone asexual and sex-averse. Sex is not the central part of a relationship, for me, and it isn't intrinsically for anyone else! Again, this is partnership, and partnership is two (or more) people coming to a mutually-agreeable consensus about what each requires in a relationship. That can include sex, too, of course - someone is not a bad person because they do feel there has to be a sexual element to a relationship, just as they aren't a bad person if they never want to engage in any sexual behavior at all. Both are fine! And a healthy relationship is built around compatibility, open communication, and healthy boundaries.
So again - I would not personally want a sexual relationship with a woman with a penis, but that doesn't mean any person in a lesbian (or bi, or pan, or poly, etc.) relationship would share the same preference. There are probably lesbian, bi, etc., women who want penetration, and wouldn't mind or even prefer a penis. Strap-ons exist for a reason! 🤷‍♀️ And it's much the same as wanting a BDSM relationship, an open relationship, etc. - your preferences and theirs need to be considered and a decision reached if the relationship is to remain healthy and happy. Having preferences does not make a person good or bad, nor does it mean anything is wrong with their own comfort zones. Just as you shouldn't have a sexual relationship with someone who wants an open relationship if you would prefer to be 100% monogamous, it's fine to prefer to date a woman with/without a penis (or a man with/without a vagina). And, again, a romantic relationship doesn't have to be sexual at all! Nor does a committed relationship have to be romantic, but that's beyond the scope of this discussion.
The scope, in the end, is this: chromosomes and/or genitalia don't 100% define what makes a man/woman, any more than being into bondage 100% defines BDSM.
There are plenty of people who would prefer a woman with a penis or a man with a vagina, plenty of people who have a preference but not one so strong they can't try to find ways to work around it that are mutually enjoyable for both parties, and plenty of people who do not want a penis or vagina even if they would prefer a sexual relationship. Point being, relationships, like chromosomes, are something that should be considered and agreed upon by both (or all) in the relationship.
Scientifically, intersex people, genetically male people with female genitalia, and genetically female people with male genitalia, all exist. I don't care how you feel about those who are trans or GNC, that is scientific fact based around our current understanding of sex chromosomes.
Saying you prefer not to date a woman with a penis does not mean women cannot have penises. Saying you prefer not to date a man with a vagina does not mean men cannot have vaginas. Some people prefer those taller than them - it doesn't mean, if you prefer tall men, that short men do not exist. And it doesn't mean you can't adjust your preferences or comfort levels based on other aspects of the relationship. There are some who are asexual and sex-repulsed, some who are neutral on sex if a partner wants it, and some enjoy sex even without initial sexual attraction. If these things aren't difficult to understand, and find examples of in your own relationships, why is the line drawn at genitalia as defining gender?
It shouldn't be.
Hi - I prefer women who do not have penises. I would not be in a penetrative sexual relationship with a woman with a penis. Were I in such a relationship, we'd need to discuss how we can either find mutually-agreeable sexual alternatives, or end the relationship as friends who realized their respect for one another means a romantic, sexual partnership where each has different needs is not going to work out, but neither has done something wrong.
Regardless, I still think women can have a penis. Trans women are women, whether they have surgery to change their genitalia or not. Trans men are men. And for all those who shriek about science as justification for their transphobia - check above. Science says women can be XY and men can be XXY.
A relationship is not inherently centered around sex and genitalia. Neither is gender.
Deal with it.
And if you start giving me bullshit in the tags, especially transphobic bullshit, I'm just going to chase you off my blog with an axe. 🤷‍♀️
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epickiya722 · 2 years ago
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Rethinking about this post, I shouldn't even question why some people are insistent about Uraraka having a crush. Hello, some people are insistent about Midoriya belong straight.
Hm.
A girl has to have a crush.
And a boy has to be straight.
The girl must be in love. She has to be this "love interest" and that's her only trait she has to be recognized for. She can't be her own person. She can't have her motivations stem from her good heart. She can't just have awkward moments like anybody would. No, it's totally a crush because every teenage girl grows up having crushes on boys. When she blushes and gets skittish, it's because she's in love! Not because she's feeling awkward and that's a normal human reaction.
The boy must be straight. He's the protagonist. He can't be gay or bisexual or anything but straight! He's badass now so he must only be straight so he can get the girl at the end. Him defeating the big bad and protecting everyone he cares about is not important like getting the girl is. He has to not like wearing a bunny suit because he's straight, even though there are straight people who actually wouldn't mind having a little fun because they're confident in who they are.
I JUST CAN'T!!!
Look, I don't hate IzuOcha, I don't. I think the ship is cute.
It's just... it seems sometimes it has to be a must in the story when it comes to Uraraka and Midoriya in this fandom.
I don't think people realize we're in this new age where characters of all diversity exists and are written to beat the norm.
Horikoshi may not be the best writer (the need for perfection is ridiculous) but come on.
He could easily written our main girl to be some stalker character who gets easily angry and violent with other girls over our main boy.
He could have easily written our protagonist to be dumb as bricks and wins every battle he's in without struggle and boundaries to hold him back.
But he didn't! And thank goodness he didn't!
I said it before and I'll say it again, I don't care for any ships to be canon in this kind of story. Do I think any ships will be canon? Thinking it over at this moment, I do not.
I hate that there's this thing where a story must be fully complete when ships are canon. The characters have to kiss and boom! Complete story.
Question is, why does it have to?
I feel like without ships being canon in a story, it saves the writer, in this case Horikoshi. I don't mean "Oh, it will make his story better". I mean "so the fandom can not be complete assholes".
My guess? Some writers fall into making ships canon not because they want to but because they're pressured by the audience to do so.
Shipping nowadays is what drives people to be more engaged with media. I mean ship fics get a lot more attention than fics without romance. Which while shipping can drive a story, but what happened to platonic relationships being just as important? Or a character finding themselves and being happy with the end result without the need for romance? Can't these aspects co-exist and be held in the same regard as shipping?
And why must the character follow "norms"?
What's so wrong about Uraraka not having a crush on Midoriya? There isn't nothing bad with her having a crush, but why must it be the only case? What if she is discovering herself like a lot of teens do? What if she actually doesn't have a crush and believed she does because of others' influence? Why can't Uraraka be known as Uraraka, a hero student who wants to help people and has the drive to do so?
What's so wrong about Midoriya not being straight? Just like there's nothing wrong with characters being gay, there isn't nothing wrong with characters being straight. However, why try to be so insistent about Midoriya's sexuality to others? Especially, going as far as to be a jerk about it? Does his sexuality really truly matter when he's trying to defeat the big bad? Horikoshi hasn't stated what Midoriya’s sexuality is, has he? So can't his sexuality just be an open thought? Does it have to be what you, only a fan and not his creator, say it is?
More importantly, when it comes to these two characters, why must only you be right and everyone else who doesn't agree must be wrong?
Personally, while there are some takes for any characters I see are takes I don't particularly like, I don't waste my breath arguing with people about them.
At the end of the day, you are still going to have your opinion and I'll have mine.
What I don't like is that you don't respect it. Don't force what only you think is right and canon on others.
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ducknotinarow · 1 year ago
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Impurtity Test:
Raphael Edition
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"Uh I might need to rethink some things? I don't Think Case would be all to happy to see this result?"
Nah I would more credit this to the fact Raphael often doesn't see reason for them to get involved in human matters, or moments he feels the cops should be the ones to get involved. Raphael isn't often one to spring into action like Leo or Mikey can be. But Raphael also will when he feels he needs to or should like when he wont going on the masquerade boat party. He was pretty insistent on helping the people on the boat. As they say your first reaction doesn't define you but your actions after do.
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"And Leo's always going on 'bout my honor what not, but yeah I guess my drinkin' habits can be sort a bad 'hing time ta time but eh whatever."
I have mentioned in the past that Raphael in a borderline Alcoholic. Especially when it comes to his self harm habits. It when it can be the worse if anything. Raphael is someone who been dumb enough to have a drink here or there before going top side as well meaning hes sort done it to add a thrill to his fighting. Not to mention as fun as it is for him to have his drinking binges with Casey and Von its clear he only dose so when hes upset and drowning that away isn't really a good sign.
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"Don't show 'his to anyone I feel they buy the alcohol but I jus' know the sex bein' highest would get me ragged on...mostly by casey."
I keep saying it Raph is horny uwu Raph just is someone thats highly active when it comes to be horny is all. Where other may more perfer stuff done to them he wants to be the one doing more. I do feel Raph could go either role but he dose perfer topping and take charge just gets him off the thought someone wants him so bad they will take anything he allows uwu Hes pretty into a lot of kinks that follow with this along with the idea of that person belonging to him down to thier body being like his play thing uwu its an odd sense of security for him. If anything his drinking habits likely help cover buuuuut Raph would be so down to fuck drunk.
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"Eh highschool what can I say."
A tad surpised hoe even some of this is but I will say taking into account Raph has a new outside factor of influence and that being high school this dose opens the doors for Raph to lean into more things out of peer pressure. Not so much forced to do it but in situation where others are he just might. Especially since I feel Raphs gonna be around a rowdy crowd after joining the wrestling team. Sort of the only other Raph I can see trying drugs the other being 12. Raph already displays a need to look cool in front of his brothers so yeeeah that gonna carry over with them making humans friend. Raph might wind up needing a saving because he drank a little too much and never had a drop before. Or feel sick from smoking a bit too much weed with the team. uwu
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"hmmm nah that seems 'bout 'ight."
I know this is a small self contained game but I do truly love how Raph is in this game something about how he seems to be at a point where he has learned to control his anger it still gets the better of him but he has a handle on himself even enough to be able to talk sense into Leo on his lone wolf bull uwu. But I would still say Raph is someone who dose very much got his vices. Hes very about getting things done not really caring about it being honorable or morally right. Of course hes got some vices I have wirtten him drinking here and there I feel he cut back when Splinter was missing but once home he let himself indulge a bit. Course he also allowed his sexual exploration to awaken as well uwu sooo Casey be ready >>
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taegularities · 2 years ago
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My Drabble review🤭:
Idk why but my heart swelled reading the first few lines bc I missed the warmth of their relationship/friendship and even though it’s only a flashback, it’s given me sm hope that they can overcome this issue and really be together all in😢.
When it’s mentioned that oc was reluctant to go home and would rather over something silly w jk really interest me because now I’m thinking about how long ago did she start really becoming fond of him🤔 ofc they’re hooking up and stuff and she’s stressed and wants a release, but I would usually go hang w one of my closer friends than my newly fwb yk??: “But you genuinely did not notice how late it was — between studying and going out for a late night snack alone, time passed. It does quickly when you’re reluctant to go home.”
“If you peeked long enough, you bet you could see his perked, brown nipples, right there on his firm, hard pecs.” SAME GIRL SAMEEEE🌚
No idc what anyone says, they may have started as friends w benefits, but I feel like there always has been lingering feelings oc felt, but just didn’t want to admit to bc all the little habits he has that usually annoy her from anyone else, but she can tolerate (can I say even loves) coming from him like cracking his fingers nonstop?? It may not be important, but there was more than just sexual tension between them idk🫸
Ik OC loves arguing just for the sake of it bc she was really anticipating bantering back and forth w JK (ik this is her type of foreplay😭😭): “I’ll tell her to regrade my paper. Make me fail the class. Will you be happy then?’…You say nothing. You hadn’t anticipated this.”
“Even if,” you tell him, “it’s none of your business.” I know OC’s life is more in the public eye and stuff and they had just got to know each other, but they both have some deep traumas that they’re reluctant to tell each other and i know this Drabble is still from when they first started hooking up, I wonder if there’s still anything now that OC hasn’t told JK??
“Listen,” he cards his fingers through his hair, and the strands fall back into his face so beautifully.” Just imagining this omg I’m so down bad for JK😞🥲🩷🩷🩷
“You came because you want me, and that’s driving you crazy.” It’s a bold statement. But it makes you hold your breath. “Because you think about it way too much.” Ok now who told him to examine it this much🙄🙄🙄 this only means he overthinks situations too and thinks about HER WAY TOO MUCH AS WELL😊 but he really got her speechless w that😭😭
“Yeah, yeah, you're an enigma. One that definitely doesn't like it when I do this, right?” Without a warning, rendering you speechless, he touches your thigh. Journeys down to your knee. “Should I stop?” This was so smooth I’m speechless. I have no thoughts just a *** *****😵‍💫
“Dark, starry. Tender yet dangerous. Luring you in on purpose, so you're trapped.” 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 your descriptions will be the end of me omggg
Ok wait I’m rethinking my earlier statement now because they weren’t even FWB when the Drabble started, so she definitely felt something for him w just plain old hookups huh🤔
I really wonder what happened at that frat party that made them never forget it and stick together for so long. Most of the time frat parties are places where you can’t remember a thing after it’s over, but this night single-handedly changed the course of their relationship and I feel like it’s way more deeper than just a hookup (idk I like to be dramatic)
“And when he grips your hair out of the blue, you gasp, noses almost clashing when he pulls you to his face, and he interrupts, “Stop fucking doubting me for once. It’s exasperating.” Didnt even start the smut yet but I need more aggressive JK>>>>>>>
“Tilting his head, he deepens the sloppy kiss with a hum, breathing whenever possible as you let tiny, yet innocent whimpers into his mouth. The wet noises of the kiss stir your mind, his entire being reckless when his palms shift to your ass.” Omg my ***** is ** *** * can’t ******* I’m not ******* ** *** I’m going crazyzyzyayx😂😂😂😂😂😂
“you’ve ruined any other pussy for me.” The most iconic line of CMI EVER🌚🌚
“…Can’t mess with anyone anymore because of this gem you’ve got.” You don’t know whether he sounds angry or overwhelmed by lust. “Will never come across anything better.” I just melted wtf omg🫠🫠🫠
“Beautiful and inviting. Thick, towering, even when not fully hard. The tip is glistening with precum, veins spreading along the length… and there’s a mole on his dick, right at the base.”🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐
“Protection is never a hundred percent, but this is new. The way it splits in half when you want to roll it over his dick, draping over your hand like a ruined glove. You glance at it with wide eyes, up to him, then back to it again, and then curse, “Fuck.” THE CONDOM RIPPING HAS ME CRYING😭😭😭 ONLY THAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THEM AND CAUSE EVEN MORE STEAMY SEX
I can’t wait for the day we get the frat party reveal because I genuinely want to know how fucked up OC got to not even remember a thing😭😭😭 and like how those events led us here because we can’t even rely on ole girls memory to help us out🙄🙄
“…but he surprises you when you start moving, holding your thighs in place as he says, “Wait. Not yet. Just wanna… Just a bit���His forehead lazily falls against your shoulder for a second, and you brush along his arms, feeling the bicep�� cockwarming🥹🥹🥹 oh how I love cockwarming❤️❤️❤️ lmfaoaoaoa no but this made me melt again seriosuly🫠🫠🫠
“Nothing. You’re just. So pretty.” The praise is sudden; it’s not quite unusual for him, because you know he finds you pretty.” I miss them sm the angst is hurting me😭😭😭 they are so in love it hurts #rip⭐️
“his teeth running along your jaw, down to your tits until he’s sucking in a sensitive nipple. A strong hand palms your boob from below, pushing it up, lighting up your veins.” I think I’m the biggest sucker for tittysucking idk 🤷‍♀️ it just seems the second most intimate after cockwarming during sex for me🤷‍♀️🤓
“Take his hand from your hip and bring it to your mouth, pushing two fingers in that he previously had knocked into your cunt…Diligently, with quiet, low hums, you suck them clean, biting back your moans, different from him voicing endless groans.” I lied I’m an even bigger sucker for fingerlicking/sucking🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
Anal tease…🤭🤭🤭
“You’re…” He gulps, stalling for a moment. “You're beautiful.” He’s down even worse omg. They have such passionate sex it’s borderline “making love” and no one can deny that!
“The truth is that you’re more than okay being here. Other options aren’t as gratifying, and this… he… takes your mind off things. He might be tiresome once in a while, but his place is inviting.” My babys🥲🥲🥲🥲
“Jungkook’s climax is nothing you’ll ever get used to. A phenomenon each time. So vocal, so pretty, deep dimples of focus in his cheeks, a hard jaw. Flexing muscles. Rapid breathing when he’s finally empty.” ** ***** ** *********!!! #rip⭐️
The shower scene🥲 they’re so domestic and cute and this is just the beginning of their relationship I can’t wait for what’s next🤭🤭🤭
I literally am realizing how much I love your smut like wtf you’re a beast omgggg #myfav
This was such a good Drabble and sorry for taking so long to send this in, life🙄🙄🙄 but I’m going to reread this again right after sending it and it was such a cute distraction from the mess that is now CMI7.5 (review coming soon🫠) I loved sm rid thank u for always putting ur all into the work you release for us❤️❤️❤️
-⭐️
I COULDN'T FIND THIS REVIEW IN MY INBOX ANYMORE, like i got so fkn scared but it came back when i refreshed 😭 tumblr why phew
this drabble was definitely a way to escape the reality we're seeing right now. there's so much comfort between them, and that's kind of why i teared up writing it? like there's no angst at all in this one, but... yeah it hurt, comparing those moments with the heartbreak they're going through rn.
i guess the reason she went to him instead of her friends could be as simple as... she was nearby, his dorm is close to college, so she dropped by... or it could be as complex as her finding warmth in him that she hasn't experienced anywhere else before. we'll find out why after the frat party reveal!! (which was, as you said, definitely more than just a hook up night. probably not too deep, but deep enough :'))
i don't think it was a crush, even less love, back then, but there was something between them for sure. even during the hook up phase! a connection maybe. we've been seeing it since ch1... there's always been chemistry, and they've always kind of.. hm, clicked.
tbh, i'd say oc has been a lot more open with jk than vice versa. like, since they started their fwb thing, she's laid her heart open to him very often. he definitely didn't show his pain as much as she did... it's time he does :')
'I have no thoughts just a *** *****' WHY DID I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEANT LMAOAOAOAO
more aggressive jk you say? GOTCHA COS ME TOO !!!
your reactions to the smut are everything 😭 LIKE THE RIPPED CONDOM LMFAO JUST THEM !!! i also fkn love every single time you go "#rip⭐️" LOL ILY STAR ILY
and yes, sucking/cockwarming >>>>
anal tease 👁
MAKING L*VE ???? I REFUSE STAR LOL
the shower scene was my favourite of all 🥺 domesticity is my favourite city fr, i wanna reside there forever hahaha i just love it when they giggle together, i'm so down bad 😭 it'll be insane once they actually get together :')
and don't worry, babe!! take as much time as you need. i'm very slow too lol i apologise! i saw your other review too and i fucking love your thoughts to cmi every damn time, thank you so much 😭 will get to it soon too!! <333
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history-of-art-scholar · 2 months ago
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I have to get this out of me because I think I might have exhausted my friends' patience.
Months ago I met an old friend and she told me with admiration how she thought that I was an exceptionally strong and determined person.
The thing is that I know to have some kind of strength inside me. But that sentence coming from her really baffled me because of how I am today.
Today I have to use all my strength to stay alive and not cry all day. I know it may seem absurd and dramatic but I am tired for an infinite number of reasons. Maybe I could have dealt better with my situation of being at the end of my studies and being diagnosed (while in burnout). But all of the other things that happened to me really fucked me up.
I could've lived without experiencing sexual harassment, sexual and psychological abuse. Like that has really dried my energies. I rethink often about the abuse I went through and how I could've prevented it but mostly about the rage I feel. The abusers had friends these friends stood by them, they supported them, believed them even after my testimony.
They will never see the consequences of their actions.
I will live with them forever.
I know that is how it works but it's creating little hells in my life. I cannot walk normally in my city without turning continuously my head in fear that I will see either my abuser or his friends. Because last time I encountered his friends, I had a panic attack. I sometimes think that I would like to meet them all to scream at them, ask them why and how can they consider themselves feminists after not believing my testimony. At the same time I know that my life will never be the same. I do not know if I will ever have the courage to speak up ever again.
I will never forgive them, that is the only thing I can do.
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rosasbasement · 5 months ago
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SOooo
Are we writing words or being jealous on the internet? Or is it envy, I forget which one I loved so much. I can’t help myself for desiring the abs on that chick but my Martini intake seems to be more demanding than my desire for a steel set body. I am jealous of your ABStinence and consistency, but I’m going to keep my muscle warm under a small layer of conscious body fat. It’s always been there for me so may as well embrace. Anyhow, getting off the gram for a minute. Not sure what I came here to write about except so many things going through my mind that seem happier to set out on the table and maybe organize a little bit. I’ve had too many angry feelings to consider and this hatred in my heart is set for every commercial break I have, Sooo…
I’m at bar. I love bars. I love dining and I love spending my money and also yours sooo…. I know we’ve been over this but let me remind you. It’s gorgeous in here, so much so that I ordered two martinis at once and I’m going to try and find a solid two paragraphs of substance before these babies set in and then I’m going to make friends and chain smoke until it gets dark and then I will head home and set an alarm for early because I’m in the mood to change my life. Not the night part just the morning part. 
I was trying on night time for size and realized as fun as we are so drunk and dumb, I preferred the meat of the morning and how those fellas looked when they were sober and less horny. Breakfast babes. I’m switching my in take because bored of the night. Maybe I have allowed myself too much freedom? NEVER
I’m angry at some of the men in my life. Many. Sorry. What a bitch aye? Turning so feminist, it’s important. Jesus is calling. Calling me to be this. He’s been concerned about all the misogyny in my life and wants to use me as a conduit and spokesperson for the world to build a more accurate hatred of man and all the things he’s doing to suppress, control or disregard women. Don’t worry men, I will continue to love you through my hatred but let us have a minute to address the bullies with balls in the room because there are so many of them and so many subtle ways in which they take from the women without consideration and in which I am over subjecting myself to.
I would like to raise a toast in the room to every man in my life who has not viewed me as a sexual object. Listen, YES, I’m hot. And so are many things but we learn to contain our drooling and piss without dribbling the toilet, so can we not learn to think about women differently and treat them with a respect you would have for the person who used to wipe your ass? I’m interested in this type of education and feel so damn ok with being a loud mouth about it. What I’ve witnessed and allowed myself to experience has got to change. I’m wanting us to rethink the way we call ourselves men and realize that being a horny beast who takes trash out is only a small amount of all you could become. I believe there’s a lot more you can connect on, feel, learn. You know? Man, I love them so much. I don’t have a good rapport with much of the species but the work is mine and yours. I’ve been educating myself to hopefully gain an understanding of my distain and other women whom society like to regard as bitches. I’m enjoying being called the same but wish to eventually remove the hatred and make room for understanding, empathy and change. 
Um. Martini time. 
I was under a lot of manipulation and my ideas weren’t ideas until a man validated. I think I learned that being raised by a narcissist sort of person with a penis. Why weren’t we both seen and acknowledged and why are your apologies just a way to get out of trouble and not a true repentance. Well, I don’t know. I get change is hard and what you were fed wasn’t necessarily teaching you to hold space for more than your “masculinity”. I was hurt in how you disregarded my opinions and cry for better treatment but I realized at some point that if I was being played it was my own dumb lack of respect for myself and my own causes that are me being bitchy and over sensitive. I would like us to change this dynamic. I would like that. 
So um cigarette?  We could get on the topic of all the females who rejected you or your mother who was shitty but mostly society truly failed you in that part of yourself that had to remain hidden and so hidden that you lost a sense of accuracy and kindness that you hold in your ego but not in your eyes. I would like to pick up where it got left. I was just trying to love you when you wrestled me down and I was trying to love me when you pulled me under and then pushed me out because my personality was too much for your tiny idea of what a woman should be to you. OH and I am too affected. How I’m this nice, how I’m in this backless skimpy dress and it’s for me right? But somehow you think it’s for you. Why did I want your validation in the first place?… oh because I loved you? Or insecure? I did, I do. But my love for you didn’t make you stop staring at the younger, fresher, more accommodating specimen that I used to be and was conditioned to uphold for ever and ever amen. I’m not her anymore. What a joy. 
I liked your spirit, your hand and your deeper voice set. I like when you fixed things and I liked looking up to you. I liked learning from you. I respected your perspective but you wouldn’t hold mine, not for a minute. I liked your leadership and I hated that you couldn’t see mine. I hated that you mocked me for crying or being depressed. I wonder if that’s what you do to yourself. I wonder if society passed you the dilemma because you weren’t born this way, you were taught this way. I’m reaching for quality and care and maturity. You can age all day and that makes you no more to me that raisons in the sun. Fun, good of you. I’m glad you have so much knowledge and so little care. Sarcasm. I want you to find a better way. I want the ones that know to say something. Say something. Defend, hold space, fuck shit up. Channel the rebel to be for and not against. There’s plenty of humanity in you and I’m sorry it’s gotten so repressed. I want you to find it again. Oh baby. Maybe we just needed to be reminded of that. You could do less of yourself and more real substance. 
UM SO
It’s seen enough paragraphs .  You know you don’t have to take this personally if it’s not personal.
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NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY: THE ADVENTURES OF THE CREEPING BAM,  BOOK THREE: WARMER - CHAPTER 9
If you’re new to the story, please go check out Book 1 first …
Book 3 Chapter 1 is here …
MPORTANT:  Please note this story includes content that may be considered mature, such as moderate battle violence, some strong language and occasional mild sexual scenes.
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CHAPTER NINE:  GAEL
Lady Naru walked us out after the meeting broke up, giving Daste a particularly fond parting hug and kiss on the cheek before we left the chamber and finally broke the spell.  The whole way down the stairs and out of the door she hovered close at my side, and she just kept firing questions at me.  She wanted to know the most contrary things, I genuinely couldn’t work out why she was asking about these things, none of it seemed to have any import at all.  She just wanted to know about me.  How it had been for me growing up, what I’d been through in my training, and my adventures out in the wider world.  The exact kinds of questions da always asked me when he returned to Bavat, actually.
She’s kind, and gentle with me.  I found myself warming to her very quickly, something about her just puts me at ease, but there’s more to it than that.  It’s taken me so long to work out how it feels to me, but I realise now it’s like I already know her.  From somewhere deep in my past, before I was capable of remembering her.  She just feels so familiar to me.
That being said, the whole time I could still feel Kesla watching the two of us like a hawk, and I knew she was silently judging our new acquaintance, deciding if she can be trusted.  I’d like to think she’s just being protective, but the truth is this is just Kesla being Kesla.  She really is incorrigible in some ways.
Personally, I just want to have this.  I have no real family apart from my father, or at least I don’t think there’s anyone else out there, I never got to know my mother.  Da won’t even talk about her, the one time he relented to my questions he simply said that nothing good can come from me knowing before I’m ready.  I wish I had the first clue what that even means.  But because of this I’ve always striven to get as many friends as I can, even though it can be a little difficult for me sometimes, I’m really not good at all that social mess, I just never got the hang of it.  So I’ve got plenty of family out there, but only one of them is blood.
Sulin Naru is another connection to my past, someone who’s very close to my father.  The more I manage to learn through inference from her own questions the clearer it’s become to me she really does know my father, so even if Kesla’s unconvinced, she’s won me over.  I want to spend more time around her, as much simply because I really do like her as because she’s one of my father’s oldest friends.
Besides, she’s kind of fascinating.  I’ve never met a real sorcerer, in truth very few have, at least knowingly, but thanks to my education I know a lot more about them than most.  The opportunity to learn more from personal experience is too great a temptation for me.
After leaving the Transit House and heading back across the bridge, we went back to our hotel for the first time in days, mostly on the pretence of swapping out some of our old gear for fresh clothing and supplies from our luggage.  Certainly it was nice to be able to change my own travelling clothes from my packs, and I needed to replenish my own components as well as help Tulen rethink her own gear in the face of what we’re now into, but we ended up staying longer.  To start with, we needed to see to our horses, Kesla and Shay in particular giving some attention to their fearsome mounts, Trampler and Elder, who seemed to have grown lonely despite having been looked after well enough by the stable-workers.  Then Art declared he needed a drink, which prompted others to admit they were hungry, despite the hearty breakfast we had before we left the temple, so we ended up taking food and a few pints before heading out again.
So now the afternoon’s growing long above us as we’re navigating the streets again, this time following my nose as I use the blood dried into my ruined handkerchief as focal point for the tracking spell I’ve put up alongside Olsbeq’s Awareness Augment.  I’ll admit it’s been a while since I tried this, and I suspect I look a little strange to casual passers-by right now due to the components, but I’ve got more immediate concerns right now.  Despite my own personal mastery of the mechanics of the spell, I have to admit Tulen has a good point with this particular piece of magic.  It’s a lot.
After smearing lines of corn syrup around my eyes, ears and under my nostrils, I had to take a piece of raw cotton and soak it in castor oil before holding it under my nose and taking a deep breath.  With the unpleasant medicinal tang of it in my head I summoned up the relevant sigil and spoke the incantation, then ran my fingers over the lines, mashing them as deep in as I could without either temporarily blinding or deafening myself as the charm took hold.  I’ll admit having the sweet corn syrup in my nostrils easily drove off the unpleasantness of the castor oil, but it still had me blinking from the sting in my eyes while my ears popped as the spell finally took hold.  Then suddenly I could see and hear everything.  Or at least that’s what it feels like.
Most of the group look pretty much the same as they normally do, just in much greater detail since now I’m able to make out each individual stitch and weave in their clothing, every near-imperceptible line and wrinkle in their skin, every single hair grown from their heads.  There are other, subtle details, though.  When I looked at Kesla the first thing I saw was her strength, as if the latent power stored in her muscles was a palpable thing, just rising from her like strangely beautiful fumes.  There’s something very similar to Thel and Dumoli, I quickly noticed, as well as Yeslee, although that didn’t take me by surprise after seeing it in the others.
Others were more interesting to observe, however.  Krakka glows like a beacon, he’s entirely too bright for me to look at, and I know that’s the blazing power of his beloved goddess.  Shay shines too, but hers is more subtly subdued, more akin to my own slightly pearlescent glow, which I know comes from her own half-elf blood.  I know full well that I must be as brilliantly illuminated as Tulen, though, her magical potential ebbing and flowing much like the dancing auroras seen over the mountains sometimes in the Northern Reaches which I hear are a nightly event in Tektehr.  In her case it pulses with the beat of her heart, and I’m sure my own does the same, although I suspect my own brilliant colour scheme is subtly different, although I hope it’s at least as strikingly beautiful.  Since she refused to try the spell again she couldn’t tell me.
Lady Naru was, unsurprisingly, a bonfire.  If I had any doubt before that she really is a sorcerer, it died in that instant.  Her own power is no aurora, it blazes as bright as Krakka’s but with the dancing, golden fire of the sun’s corona.  And while Tulen’s waves waft off her in impressive but ultimately lazy waves, Naru’s boil and flare with furious flashes like a blast furnace.  I couldn’t make out her face in the midst of it any better than Krakka’s.
Big Man surprised me the most, though.  I’ve grown so used to him as this dark, dull, cold hulk of impenetrable ceramic, the only real indicator of life his bright red eyes, but when I laid eyes on him after activating the Augment … he’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.  His physical form is still there, but I can see that his hard, cold form is really just a shell.  The real Driver 8 is the bright red fire inside him, which crackles and dances and spins with unmistakable arcane life.  I couldn’t help myself when I saw it, the words escaped me all on their own:  “Big Man … you’re incandescent.”
He looked at me for a long moment before replying, and I swear I could actually see his attention this time, I knew he was looking right at me now, looking me over, and something about the way his dancing fire seemed to spin and weave as he did it … I can’t explain it, it felt like appreciation, and love.  For the first time I knew he cares about me the same way I’ve come to care about him.  The rest too, I’m sure.
“Thank you, Gael.  You are very much the same to me.”
Hearing that put the theory to bed for me.  It seems this is very much how he sees the world too, so given Kesla’s requirements this was clearly the smart choice.  So I concentrated and did the requisite fine-tuning, just like I always did back in the classrooms when we tried this, as well as in my examinations when I last tried it, and everything calmed down again.  I could still see everything, and feel everything, and I hear things I never do with my normal ears, but otherwise it was mostly as it is normally.
Now all I have to do is focus, when I need to, and I can pick up on what’s going on around me, or I can read people around, me, pick up subtleties I would never be able to observe with my normal eyes or ears or sense of smell.  I’m inherently aware of everyone around me, not only within my sight but beyond too, and with a surprisingly minor adjustment I can increase the range significantly.  I don’t know quite how far out I can make this work, but it’s a fair assessment that anything within a quarter mile is conceivably within my awareness now.
Once she was assured my spell would easily serve the same functions as Big Man’s sensory abilities, Kesla divided the group.  Putting Shay in charge of our group seemed to make Thel a little prickly when it became clear that means taking her lead from the half-orc, but she’s warming to the idea easily enough, although I think having Brung along for the ride probably helped.  She also put Krakka with us too, just in case we do run into anything more than we can handle on our own, and I suspect she assigned Darwyn, Yeslee and Zuldrad too for the same reasons.  I noticed Darwyn breathing a little smoother once she realised this meant she wouldn’t have to put up with her ex, much like last time.
Then again, our resources are pretty well spread out between the two groups now.  Art knows the streets as well as his fellow thieves, and with Driver 8 watching out for them they shouldn’t have to worry about anyone following them, at least without them catching up on it.  Besides, he can take on a small army by himself, having both Tulen and Lady Naru with them almost feels like overkill for inherent defence.  Besides, if they are going to head into the richer quarters of the city, then surely the chances of them running into an actual fight actually drop considerably.  We’re the ones who are actually going out looking for trouble right now.
Besides, we can still keep in touch with the others if we need to.  Tulen promised before we parted ways that the moment anything at all happens on their end she’ll let me know about it, and Lady Naru said the messenger magic’s as easy to her as anything else.  That being said, I find myself wondering what it would actually be like to try using that spell while I’m already in the thrall of the Augment.  It’s perhaps not the most enticing prospect right now …
Stopping just short of the curb, I give the bundled cloth in my free hand a little squeeze as I turn a slow semi-circle and scan the broad thoroughfare ahead of me.  I don’t see the others stopping behind me, but I know they do all the same, even the order they do it in as they note than I’m adjusting to the change in surroundings again.  I can feel Shay shifting her weight from one foot to the other, regarding me for a long beat, and I can even sense she wants to speak now, even as I take in all the other bodies around us.  Business is still in full swing so the wide street is pretty busy, but there doesn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.
Finally Shay clears her throat and takes a step closer.  “Um … Gael, you all right there?”
“Perfectly fine.”  I breathe, thoroughly aware that I’m speaking at a conversational level she can easily pick up on even out here with all this ambient noise.
The way I can not only see the creasing of the little wrinkle between her brows but the muscles behind it is a little discomfiting for me right now, but it’s a more subtle effect I’m still a little lost over how to actually realistically ignore.  “Gael … you’re walking like you’re in a trance, and your eyes are … gods, that is weird.  Your pupils are dancing.  They can’t decide if they’re going to stay wide open or tight as pinholes.  And you look frightful.  People are staring.”
Frowning and actually feeling every inch of my face subtly adjusting from that one movement, I look around again, and I can see what she means easily enough, as much feeling the attention of those who are passing us by.  I’m drawing a lot of looks all right, but then with what must looks very much like fresh blood painted in smeared lines across my face I’m well aware of the outlandishness of my appearance.  Even in Untermer I know this must be a weird look, even without the way I’m apparently moving around.
“Honestly, Shay?”  I find myself forming the words without thinking too much about it, really.  “I have no idea how the hell Big Man does this every day.”
“Because he’s a golem, Gael.  He was built that way.  He’s always seen the world like this.”  She steps closer now, putting her hand in the small of my back, but gently, not putting any real pressure on me yet.  “I thought you said you’d done this before, though.  That you had control over it.”
“I did.  I do.  It’s just …”  I blink, and while the act only lasts for the split of a second it seems to feel to me like it takes much longer.  Oh, that might be the worst part of this, the stretching of perceived time in certain moments.  “Ooof … um … oh, yes, well … that was in a controlled environment.  Back in the Academy, in the classroom, or in the examination hall.  This is … somewhat different.”
Shay’s frown deepens as she looks right into my eyes, and as she opens her mouth it’s worryingly like I can already see the words she’s forming.  Like some horrible pre-emptive echo.  “Do you need help?”  She presses my back more firmly now, but I can feel every tendon in her fingers, the bones behind them, even the ridges of her fingerprints, through the layers of my clothes.
“No.  I’m all right.  Really.  I promise.”
Stepping back as she breaks contact, Shay still watches me closer than a hawk, looking thoroughly unconvinced by my words.  “Gael, I …”  She takes a deep breath, then lets it out in a deep sigh.  “Fuck.  Okay, if you insist.  Kesla put me in charge, sort of, but … I’m going to defer just this once, because you’re supposed to be the expert on magic here.”  She sets her jaw, and I see the muscles shifting under her impressive cheeks.  “Which way?”
Squinting now, I focus on the other half of the combined spell I’ve woven, and the handkerchief still gripped in my hand almost seems to pulse as I shift my gaze.  I feel the subtlest throb behind my eyes, then I see that bright red line I’ve been following since I finished the spells shift.  Curving right, down past two stores across the thoroughfare and then cutting into the alleyway just past.  I start walking without thinking.
“Whoa, wait!”  I feel Shay grab me hard, and it sets off a whole flood of physical sensations through me as she digs her fingers into my shoulders and pulls me back.  Just as the trotting horse and cart I’d been fully aware of but somehow still managed to completely ignore as I focused on the path rolls right through the space I would have occupied on the cobbled street.  “Gods, Gael, focus.”
“That’s just what I am doing …”  The words are out without conscious thought once again, my reasoning mind still detached from my awareness, I think.  Another of the strange side effects of this spell.  “But thank you.  That could have been bad.”
“No shit.”  Shay lets go of me and I set off instantly, and I hear her muttering a slightly winded oath as she scrambles to follow me again.  I can feel her frustration radiating from her like a palpable fever now.  I can also sense all the others following too, and I know they’re just as concerned as Shay now, especially after that near miss.
“Shay,”  I hear Thel muttering as she draws in close to her side, even though the low tone’s intended to be private.  “What the fuck is going on with ‘em?”
“Magic.  I don’t get it either, and I like it even less.  They say they’re on top of it, though.”
“Seriously?  You saw what just happened.  They’re stumbling round like they’re being controlled by some crazy druid.  They carry on like this they’re gonna get hurt.”
“I won’t let that happen.”
Thel doesn’t reply this time, but I can feel her frustration growing now too.  Directed as much at Shay as at me, though, I notice.  Chafing at the required deference, I think.
The moment I step into the alley the smell hits like a physical wall, trash and raw sewage and body odour.  I pull the scent-portion of my input out as much as I consciously can as I start stepping gingerly, not actually having to look down to keep track of the cleaner, drier spots in the broken paving as I navigate the overflow from the badly maintained drains.  I keep my focus directed on the path ahead as I lead the group into the next stretch of the labyrinth.
“Ugh … charming place.”  I hear Krakka mutter from somewhere in the middle behind me.
“Welcome to Untermer.”  Shay growls under her own breath  “Again.”
“You get used to it.”  Darwyn pipes up, and the amusement is clear in her voice, but I can also sense her more mischievous streak stepping up too.  “Eventually.”
“I don’t want to get used to this.”  Krakka snaps  “Even the poor quarters in Tabaphic don’t smell this bad.”
They continue for a few more moments, and while it’s definitely bickering I can tell it’s relatively light hearted now they have something else to take their mind off my current predicament for a minute or two.  But something else is starting to draw my own attention now.  Not here, in the tight, winding confines of the allay, but ahead.  In the more open space that I can already sense a little way ahead.
So I just stop on the spot, not really a conscious decision but just smart given the situation.  Shay catches it quickly enough, of course, but I feel the message taking more time to travel through the rest of the group, so some of them come close to walking into the backs of others as we all draw to a clumsy halt.
“Um … Gael, are you –”
“Something’s ahead of us.”
The group falls dead silent at those words, and I feel several of them tense on the spot.  Shay and Thel both reach for the weapons on their hips purely by instinct but don’t draw.  An electric moment passes by, then I feel Shay step up close so she can lean over my shoulder, intending to whisper in my ear now.
“What kind of something?”  I know she’s looking ahead now, but she can see as well as I can that the alley’s twists are as haphazard as any others we’ve encountered, nothing ahead actually visible right now.
That’s what Kesla would call a stumper, actually.  I’ve been keeping my attentions trained for threats this whole time, and so far nothing’s actually presented itself, at least nothing explicitly dangerous.  What I can feel up ahead … there’s no direct menace to it, I can tell at least that whatever threat there is here it’s not specifically focused on anything right now, it’s more pregnant with possibilities.  A watchfulness, I suppose … of course that’s what it is.  Guards.  Sentries.  Someone set out on watch.  More than one person, I can feel now.
“Someone is … watching this path.”
“What …”  Shay tenses a little more, I feel her grip tighten on her sword as well as hearing the creak of the tendons in her fingers, the subtlest creak in the leather of the scabbard.  “They’re expecting us?”
“No, I don’t …”  I concentrate a little deeper into what’s ahead, and it’s like a picture in abstraction forming ahead of me, it’s very strange.  I can see the brick of the walls ahead of me, but somehow I can also make out what lies beyond, a small square lying between the crush of surrounding buildings.  No nature here, though, just flagstone paving underfoot and some scattered man-made topography, looks like some tables and simple benches set out in the space.  There are doorways in some of the walls, one of them currently open, and there’s a figure sat on the stoop, half in and half out of the entryway.  This is the most watchful attention, I can see, but they’re not alone.  There are three others here, two sat at one of the tables while a third is pacing idly in the middle of the open ground.  None of these others look particularly alert, but they’re awake enough.  All it takes is for one to notice you, after all.
This is … yes, this is definitely the place.  As I push my focus a little tighter onto all of them, I can see they’re clearly of the same basic stock as the rest we’ve been fighting lately.  The same makeshift leather gear and cloaks, the same borrowed or stolen Guild gear and weapons.  As I push even deeper, looking past the man sat in the doorway – and it’s the strangest thing, I know right through that it is a man – I can sense they’re definitely not the only ones here.
The building in question is three storeys, somewhat slender but long so there’s room despite it being cramped.  It’s all kinds of disconcerting that I can actually look through walls to see what lies inside, but more so to actually be able to make out the occupants too, although in these cases they’re more indistinct, mostly just vaguely man or woman-shaped blobs.  The way they’re picked out in warm colours makes me think perhaps I’m seeing them through their body warmth, which is another strange and worrying thing, and I wonder if that’s how Big Man sees us all when we’re out of his direct sight.  I try not to think about it now as I make a rough count but then the number just suddenly comes to me even though I didn’t actually ask for it first.  Oof … I hate this.
I’m stumbling backwards before I quite realise, but I don’t fall as Shay just grabs hold of me again and holds me up.  “Shit … Gael, come on.  This cannot be good for you.  Seriously, how long can you even keep this up?”
Blinking a few times, I finally just mash my eyes closed for a few beats and then give my head a good shake before finally forcing myself into a comfortable standing position again as I open them.  “Oooh … it’s rather subjective, I’m told.  It depends on the wizard, really.  Tulen can barely handle it for a minute or two, after all.”  When I look back at them now I’ve dialled it all right back so I’m seeing the group mostly how they normally are, but I still can’t quite escape the most obvious effects.  Minerva … Krakka’s still a beacon.  “I’ll be all right for a little longer, I think.”
“Bollocks.”  Shay really doesn’t try to sugar-coat it this time.  “Please, Gael.  Just drop it.”
“He’s in there, just a little way down.  But he’s not alone, there are quite a few more of them with him.”
Shay shuts her mouth a moment after I finish speaking, the words she clearly wanted to say dying in her throat.  Instead her face darkens further as she looks past me for a moment, then back.  “You’re sure about that?”
“Yes.  It’s a strange thing, but … yes.  I even know how many of them there are, just like Driver 8 does.  It’s … I think I’m starting to understand him a little now.  But I don’t like it.”  I look at the others, seeing them all listening intently.  Yeslee’s shouldered her way through the group now, stood just behind Shay as she looks right over her head down the alley ahead of us.  I don’t even need to see her nostrils working to know she’s scenting the air now, I can almost see the air being drawn in through the flaring.  “There’s close to three dozen altogether.  The same kind of people we’ve been dealing with this past week.”
“Have they rumbled us?”  Thel asks after a moment’s musing, looking almost excited now.  Clearly she’s been pretty sick of all the waiting we’ve been doing of late.  “Y’know, do they know we’re here?”
“Of course.”  I can’t help cocking my brow at that.  “Um … no, from what I can tell they’re pretty idle, actually.  I mean the guards seem alert enough, but no more than you or I would be if this were just a normal day.  I think.  Um …”  Faltering, I turn to Shay again, preferring the opinion of someone who actually has a tactical mind.
“Means they’re not expecting us, but they’re not being stupid about it either.”  She strokes her chin for a moment , thoughtful now, then looks up at Yeslee.  “What do you think?”
Yeslee’s brows shoot right up at that.  She seems genuinely surprised that Shay’s actually asking for her opinion, but doesn’t actually come right out and say it.  Instead she looks down at the half-orc for a moment, her expression smoothing out again as she thinks about it.  “You’re the boss here.”
This time it’s Shay’s turn to be amazed, the way Yeslee said that was so matter of fact I know it was meant with the utmost respectful deference.  She’s genuinely willing to go with Shay’s ideas since Kesla clearly thinks she can do it too.  That being said, it’s not without precedent, Yeslee remembers as well as I do what a good job Shay did hunting us back in the mountains.  “Um … yeah, cool.  Thanks.”  Frowning, she turns back to me.  “How do we get in there, then?”
Thinking for a moment, I realise what she means.  “Oh, yes.  Of course.  Entrances, yes.” I concentrate again, and I don’t even need to turn around, I can see the layout of the place again even though it’s behind me now.  I’m trying very hard indeed to not actually think about that right now, I’m liable to make myself throw up, or something worse perhaps.  “Um … okay, there’s the main one on the far side, but that’s not easy to access from here, we’d have to go all the way around to approach it from the street.”
“No point anyway, guarantee they’d be watching out from that way.”  Yeslee pauses for a moment, still thoughtful, then looks up.  “Oh, yes.  Of course.  The same way I would.”
“Why ain’t they picked up on us coming this way?”  Thel’s looking back down the way we’ve come now, and she’s gripping the axe at her left side tight, while her free right hand just works on its own, clenching and then flexing.  If they’re watching the front entrance, then –”
“I must have picked up on that without even realising it.”  I shake my head a little, but with my eyes open it just causes everything to swim and jumble for a second.  Gods … I shouldn’t do that again.  “Um … I don’t know.  As we were approaching, I was looking out for anyone actually observing us.  I mean, more than just idle curiosity.  Like watching with a purpose.  I didn’t seem to pick up on it, but … I brought us in at a somewhat oblique angle, I think.  I’m not sure.”  I shrug, looking at Shay again as I sigh.  “I don’t know.  Maybe they just missed us.”
“You’re sure we’re not being watched, then?”  Shay’s eyes are locked on mine as she asks, then she looks up the way Yeslee’s still doing.  “There’s no chance they could be hiding it from you?”
“No, it doesn’t work that way.  If there was someone observing us, I’d know it.”
“Is there a way in from above?”  Yeslee’s question seems to stump Shay as much as me, I have to think about it for a moment, then my attention just seems to … it’s strange, there’s almost like a pinging sound deep in my head as I just know again, my attention seeming to home in on the answer.  Minerva … I’m starting to hate this.
“There is.  And there are two of them up there, watching out, although their attention seems to be mostly devoted to the front of the building.  I think that might be why they missed us.  It’s a lot of rooftop to cover for two of them.”
“That’s right, they should be more spread out so they could watch both sides simultaneously.”  Yeslee breathes, finally looking down as she reaches into one of her pockets and produces her coiled bowstring.  A simply flick of her wrist unspools it all at once, then she simply slips the tiny knotted loop at one end over the top of her bow’s stave and then upends the whole thing before bending it against her foot.  The stave creaks somewhat and I know that she’s exerting a spectacular amount of force on it now as she bends the bow into shape, but as she simply pulls the string taut and slips the other end in place too she shows no strain at all.  Finally she reaches into the pocket again and produces the two carved bone horns, tipping each end of the bow with the same quick care she’s shown in the rest of this operation.  The whole thing can’t have taken more than fifteen seconds.  “They’re not half so smart as they think they are, I suspect.”
“You’re sure you want to try this now?”  Shay cocks a brow as she looks at the Fir Bolg.
“Best not to give them a chance to get more clever while we’re being so lucky.”  She slips the newly strung bow over her hand and lets it rest across her back as she starts to roll her shoulders and picks up her feet.  It’s a ritual I’ve come the recognise, she’s limbering up for a climb.  “Can you make it up this wall after me?”
Frowning a little, Shay narrows her eyes.  “After you?  I thought …”  She cocks her head and starts to smile.  “Ah, yes.”  She looks up again.  “I think so.  I’ve scaled smoother than this before.  The drainpipes should help, anyway.”  She looks at the rest of us, and her gaze lingers on Darwyn.  “How about you?”
Darwyn’s not even looking at her, she’s just frowning upward as she takes the wall in.  I follow her gaze, and my enhanced senses instantly start picking out imperfections, cracks and weak spots in the brickwork around us.  Slowly I start to see what they’re talking about – these walls are sheer, but they’re also very rough, and there are far more handholds, perilously tight as most of them might seem, than I would have thought to just look at them normally.  That being said, it’s still … well, if I’m daunted by a six foot drop onto a sandy beach, this kind of thing genuinely boggles me.
“Sure.”  She shrugs after a moment, giving a cocked little smile.  “Compared to some of the buildings I’ve had to climb up this might as well be a ladder.”
“Really?”  I can’t keep the incredulity out of my face.  “You’re sure?”
Looking up at me now, she cocks her brow.  “Been doing this shit since I was genuine tiny.  Art wishes he was good as me.”
Zuldrad snorts behind her, and when she gives him a hard glare he entirely ignores it, just smiling a quizzical little smile as he starts stripping off his gloves.  After a frowning moment Darwyn starts doing the same.  Seems he’s going with them too, then.
“Well … all right then, I suppose.”  I turn back to Shay.  “I can’t do this.  You know I can’t do this.  I’m bad enough with trees.  I just never got the knack, it was very embarrassing for me when I was young.”
Letting out a little sigh, Shay just steps forward and lays her hand on my arm, giving it a gentle squeeze while she pulls me close until she can lay her forehead against mine.  “Just breathe.  You don’t have to.  It’s just going to be the four of us, the rest of you are staying down here.”
“Brung can climb too, though.”  Thel ventures, and when we look her way we find her small goblin companion’s stood at her side now, looking up the wall himself.  “And he’s just as sneaky as any of you.”
“No, I want him to stay down here.”  Shay steps back from me now, and I realise she’s not pulling her own gloves off any more than Yeslee is.  Then again, neither of them have any fingers on their gloves.  “You’re all going to be just as busy as they rest of us, I promise.”
“We are?”  The words are out before I can stop them, the Augment’s still messing somewhat with my ability to differentiate between my simply thinking the words and actually saying them.
“Yes.  You’re going to be the distraction.”  The way she grins when she says that fills me with trepidation.
Thel, on the other hand, is just starting to smile again.  “Oh, well reckon I can live with that.  Long as I get to batter somebody I’m happy with this plan.”
Pulling off her cloak, Shay considers for a moment before folding it once and holding it out to me, but I really don’t mind.  In truth it’s worth it if I get to look at her new armour.
Kesla insisted she should consider something with more protection than just the bracers she was wearing the other night, but I think Shay’s learned her lesson well enough after nearly dying.  Instead she’s gone all the way to the other extreme – as soon as we got back to the hotel and had access to the rest of our luggage she went straight to her room to retrieve the new suit of armour she acquired from Hurrig back in the Academy in Bavat.  She also rather sheepishly asked Tulen and I to help her get into it.
It was definitely worth the efforts, I think she looks amazing.  Even without the Augment she looks absolutely beautiful, albeit in a rather dangerous way.  The fine black scale-mail has the subtlest gleam, but something about it seems to let the light slide off of it rather than reflect too much, which I suspect is intended to add to her stealth.  Hurrig was right when he said it should fit her, in truth it looks almost like it was made to measure for her specifically, the cuirass as snug around her torso as the sleeves and leggings.  The pauldrons, faulds, vambraces and grieves, meanwhile, don’t so much bulk her out as simply compliment her form, and as she takes time to adjust the lie of her weapon harnesses I swear I can see the subtle shifting of her muscles through the metal scales.  It might simply be another layer of the Augment, but I suspect it’s a genuine aspect of the armour itself.  Either way, it’s quite beautifully made, and suits her down to the ground.
“Bloody hell.”  Thel’s oath breaks me out of my reverie as surely as it grabs Shay’s attention.  She’s looking the half-orc over with fresh appreciation, and as she starts to smile again she nods.  “That is impressive.”
“Yeah, it is.”  Darwyn nods too, although she’s frowning a little as she adjusts her own gear, having now shed her own cloak.  “Bit fancy though, ain’t it?  For what we’re doing, I mean.”
“Better not to take any chances if I can help it.”  Shay takes a moment to smooth her hands over the snug scales covering her chest, moving cautiously down towards her belly. The armour makes the subtlest hissing sound as she does it, but to my ear it’s nothing more than  the rasping of snakeskin against leather, there’s little chance of it giving her away.  “Besides, this stuff is much lighter than it looks, and it’s got great flex.  I won’t have any more trouble getting up there than without.”  Stopping just short of her belt she takes her hands away and flexes both for a moment before looking to me again.  “You should have worn yours too.”
“I’m sure I’ll be all right.”  I puff up a bit, trying not to seem too defensive but probably not quite succeeding.  “I suspect you don’t want me in the lead for this, anyway.”
That makes her smile a little, but it’s somewhat rueful.  “Yes, you’re right there.  You should really hang back, just be support for this.  I doubt they’ve got the wizard in there, I imagine she’s still in that tavern where Kesla saw her earlier.  Unless the orc’s in there I doubt they’ll even need you.”
“Please don’t tempt fate like that.  I really don’t want to have to go up against him again.”  I look up the wall again.  “All right then, while you’re going in this way, what are we actually doing?”
“Well first of all I want you to give us all a refresher on that image you put in our heads earlier, so we’re sure who we’re actually looking for.”
I’m only a beat realising what she actually means by that, remembering that before I implemented the Augment and the tracking spell I had Thel picture Tog’s face from the other night in her head before pulling a copy of it into my own so I could project it to the rest.  I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be able to do it again.  “Of course.”
“Then I want you to contact Yulen, let them know what we’re about to do.  I doubt we’ll need any backup but it can’t help to at least let them know we’re about to do something dangerous.  You know, just in case.”
I start to blanche at that, I can’t help it.  “Oh, no, I don’t know if I can actually do that right now.  Not while I’m using –”
“Gael, please just drop this stupid spell.  It’s no good for you, clearly.  We need you properly alert for this, and for that I want your mind clear.  I can’t have you distracted by what might be going on three streets away.”  She steps close again, and even if I didn’t already know how serious she was just through my current inexplicable way of just being able to read it her expression’s enough to convince me.  “All that’s left for you to do is work out where in there he is and give us an idea of how many we’re going to have to fight our way through to get to him, then you’re going to stop it, are we clear?”
Frowning, I look at her for a long, loaded moment, then turn to take the others in as they continue their various preparations.  In truth I’m not really sure that I want to keep the Augment up right now, I suspect I might be uncomfortably close to hurting myself from this if I keep it up.  So I jut sigh and nod my assent.  “Of course.  You’re right.  This is getting uncomfortable.”
“All the better, then.”  Shay reaches out again, this time touching my shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, but again I still feel far more from that contact than I’d really like.  “Like I said, I want you to hang back, just follow the others in.  Thel, once we’re in place up there I want you and Brung to go in this way.  You just strut straight in there like it’s your business, while your goblin friend sneaks around them.  Once he’s ready I want you to …”  She shrugs, but she’s smiling now.  “Hell, do whatever feels natural, I just want you to make a big racket and really get their attention.”
“Killing one or more o’ them guards’ll do that just fine, I reckon.”  Thel’s own grin is particularly wicked now as she lays both her hands on the heads of her handaxes.
“Then feel free.  Krakka, you back her up if she needs it, but I want you behind her anyway.  Gael takes the rear, I don’t want them to jump in unless they’re really needed.  They need to be able to call to the others if things do go south.”
“How much help do you think they can actually be though?”  Krakka wonders, and looking at him now I wonder if he’s even at all enthusiastic about the plan.  “They’re halfway across the city by now.”
“Yes, but Tulen can just port at least two of them in at a snap, can’t she?”  Shay smiles down at him.  “As I said, I doubt they’ll actually be needed. But a little insurance doesn’t hurt.”
Krakka looks up at her for a moment, then just shrugs.  “True.  All right, then.  Is that everything?”
Shay looks up the wall one more time, then down the alley in the direction we all intend to head, one way or another.  “I believe it is.”  Finally she turns back to me.  “Go on, then.”
Remembering what she’s asked of me, I take a deep breath and open up my focus again, looking past the rest and taking one last deep glimpse into this makeshift enemy stronghold ahead of us.  Taking a last hold on that strange red thread and pulling it taut as I concentrate on our target, somewhere deep within …
TO BE CONTINUED ...
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skepticalarrie · 2 years ago
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How would you feel about Harry's next relationship being with a man. I read on another blog that it's entirely possible to keep his relationship with Louis safe. I don't even know how to feel about that possibility🤔
Not trying to shit on the blog who said that - I don’t know who that would be - but no, I don’t think that sounds reasonable. I think that there are a lot of layers when it comes to Harry and Louis’ closeting and it’s impossible for us, from the little we know, to guess all the reasons why they’re still closeted to this day. I totally agree that there’s this urge on Harry’s side to keep his *real* life private in the last few years, and he should, considering how much exposure he went through when he was younger, most of it based on lies and oppression. But I think that we should just revisit the idea of what his closeting means and what is causing that. They’re not “hiding” their relationship because they want to protect it, that’s completely missing the point. They may want to protect it now because of the homophobia and the fact that being gay sometimes it’s career suicide, and not the other way around. We don’t see straight people hiding their relationship and stunting with other people because they’re *private*, that’s not a thing.
I think a lot of this kind of talk comes from people that believe Xarry was a stunt. Which I highly disagree with. I think that, at the time, a lot of stuff was used to desperately get the attention away from Larry. Anything but Louis, anything but the truth. Because Harry and Louis being together back then would imply they were always together and completely destroy the idea of a boyband. And Harry always played with both sides, while Louis always had a long-term beard and firmly stated he was straight, the idea of Harry’s sexuality being a little more fluid always made part of his brand and made his image very profitable. And that’s mostly why I think they never really bothered to deny anything about Xarry back in the day and let the rumours go wild as long as they were getting the attention away from Larry. However, they have solo careers now and as much there’s still a lot of effort being put on making sure on shutting down “larry rumours” and keep it under control, it’s very different than it was when they were in the same band together and seen together every single day.
So that’s one thing, and it’s pretty clear by now that pleasing both hets and queer fans is very interesting for them - even for making fans get used to the idea of Harry being anything but straight, hence My Policeman and all of the discussions that come with actually seeing Harry with a man. It’s a rebranding slowly being built and I do think the final goal is a coming out in the future. So with that being said, I think there’s a really big difference between flirting with the idea that Harry may not be straight and testing the waters a little bit, and actually putting him in a full-ass fake relationship with a man. If they’re going that far and not only implying stuff, for me it makes no sense to do it with someone else that is not Louis and finally go forward with the truth. The only somewhat plausible reason for that would be for promoting a specific project or something (and not protecting his relationship with Louis, this doesn’t make sense), but with all the mess involving Holivia and the way it backfired, I think they will be rethinking future PR moves when it comes to fake relationships. So, no, I don’t think that will happen.
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flunkyofmalcador · 3 years ago
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This is for @relax-and-read-on and @incorrect-primarchs-quotes
I did a "Primarch sexual head canons" about seven years ago. I've had time to rethink some of them, so here we go. (It's not like I could find the original post at this point anyhow.)
Lion El'Jonson: The one true asexual of the bunch. I just cannot see him being interested in anyone. I've tried.
Fulgrim: He's metasexual. He has never met-a-sexuality he didn't like. He's an entire LGBTQ+ pride parade in power armor. In an open relationship with Ferrus Manus, but Ferrus doesn't take advantage of the arrangement except when they have threesomes. And hoo doggy do they have threesomes.
Jaghatai Khan: He's straight, but is kind of having thoughts about Sanguinius in the Siege of Terra. He has a lot of wives and kids back on Chogoris.
Perturabo: Dear Perturabo. He surrounds himself with automata and sleeps in a labyrinth which makes me think that he was sexually abused along the way. I also headcanon him as a deeply closeted trans woman, so closeted that even Pert doesn't know it and sadly, nothing may ever come of it. He is content with his own ministrations, and some fan writers have said he makes his own sex toys, which I think is likely. He could fall in love easily, which is another reason he stays remote from people.
Leman Russ: Speaking of doggy...I don't hate him, okay? and I have a lot of head canons and even some fic about him. He's married to Sigrun the Wolf-Queen. Like Luther and Kor Phaeron, she is one of those half-Astartes the Emperor could fashion. They have four kids together. Russ is open! and friendly! in his physical affections and he and the Queen have an open marriage because they are apart so often. He is absolutely magic in bed because his wolf-nose can sniff out what's turning his partner on or not. He knows what you want before you do.
Rogal Dorn: A typo in another writer's commentary about Dorn sending poetry to his lovers via astropathic choir made me think that he would actually be pretty good at polyamory. He has the 100% honesty required for it. Bisexual, but strongly prefers women. In my Daughters AU he and Perturabo finally break the ice and fall for each other hard.
Konrad Curze: In "Butcher's Nails" and other ADB works about the Night Lords, it's made pretty clear he's a necrophile. In "Butcher's Nails", Lorgar comments to Angron that a corpse-filled Dark Eldar ship "looks like Konrad's bedchamber". My brother in Christ, what were you doing in Konrad's bedchamber?
Sanguinius: GAY. Unfortunately, between being 700% gay and raised in a patriarchal desert society he's also quite the little misogynist. Had very little experience before he met Horus, and the two were inseparable immediately. Read my fic "Wings" for the whole story. After he and Horus break up, he transfers his affections to Jaghatai Khan. Khan's open to the idea.
Ferrus Manus: I have a really different headcanon from most people because I see him as a widower. His wife and kids died on Medusa and he only came back to life himself when Fulgrim walked into his lonely forge. He loves it when Fulgrim wears lingerie and as I said above, they enjoy a good threesome.
Angron: Spent his entire life being abused. He's not asexual at all but I think he knows he's too dangerous to try to have sex because he is NOT a rapist. I like the idea of him being one of Lotara's two husbands, but honestly I think Lotara is lovers with Kharn only.
Guilliman: His libido is sublimated as hell, but it's there. He's attentive to detail and has a plan when it comes to consummating it with a new lady (and his partners are ladies). He knows he has to get married and have kids at some point, but aargh, he's just so BUSY.
Mortarion: I don't know.
Magnus: Prospero is a world where polyamory is the norm and people have family webs, not family trees. He has several wives and husbands and kids. Definitely does the whole psychic sex thing; you know when he's coming home with loving on his mind because you've been having orgasms out of the blue for the past half hour. Magnus is the one primarch I want to marry, but for his intellect and love of the occult, which I share.
Horus Lupercal: Bisexual AF, and has gone through 3/4 of the Custodes and Sisters of Silence in the Palace before he meets Sanguinius. After that, he's monogamous until Davin. Post-Davin, he's fucking Erebus and you cannot convince me he wasn't banging Petronella Vivar either.
Lorgar: This boy is messed up. He covers his sexual dysfunctions in celibacy. It's Kor Phaeron's fault.
Vulkan: Open and friendly like Russ. I don't know him very well because I can't stand Nick Kyle's writing and so my takeaways are all from fanfic! He and Russ compete to be the best huggers.
Corvus Corax: Totally married to Nasturi Ephrenia. Bisexual, but hasn't acted on it yet. Eventually will, probably with Vulcan.
The Twins: I am not ready for that conversation yet.
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NSFW Headcanons~ Linda Barrett
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(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)
- As much as Linda likes to brag about her sexual prowess and  nonchalantly discuss the ins and outs of fornication, I really don’t think she’s nearly as experienced as she wants everyone else to believe she is. I definitely don’t think she’s a virgin but I also don’t think she’s slept around nor enjoyed herself nearly as much as she lets on.
- And though she’ll probably tell you otherwise with a tone of unconvincing self assuredness, I highly doubt that she’s ever been with another woman before; at least not all the way.
- The first time she went down on you she literally just said to herself: if a guy can do it, so can I. It cant be that difficult, rightttt?
-  And apparently it wasn’t, considering the fact that she was able to seamlessly fake her way through it like she’d done it a million times before: so much so that you genuinely started to rethink whether or not she’d been telling the truth when saying she’d been with other girls before. 
- She’s always torn between wanting to sit on your face and wanting to lay back against the bed while you take her apart with your tongue. If she’s laying back on the bed then expect her to clutch at the pillows underneath her and smile through her moans, looking absolutely angelic and unfairly beautiful. 
- Your foreplay consists mostly of makeout sessions and dry humping: your tongues moving against each others while your thighs slot together, the friction from your jeans working to both your advantages. 
- She likes the allusion of dominance, even when she doesn’t necessarily have it. She’ll want to take control but she’ll also have her moments of submission: which probably makes her a switch more than anything else. 
- Although she’s typically the dominant one in your relationship, she’ll usually only be the “female version” of a dominant person: like she’ll be on top but you’re the one wearing the strap, ya feel me? 
- Usually, she prefers sex that’s fast and passionate: the two of you moving quickly because you’re both too desperate to take your time. It’s sort of what’s she’s used to and she’s grown to enjoy; though she isn’t opposed to doing it differently from time to time. 
- Sometimes you’ll switch it up and move a lot slower, wanting to feel like there’s a bit more emotion between you than just your typical teenage lust. She’ll especially insist upon it if it’s your first time, wanting things to be special for you in a way that it never was for her. 
- Given the fact that she’s used to somewhat selfish men, you might want to try and slow things down regardless of the occasion; just so you can give her the loving sexual experience that she deserves. 
- If you’re using toys then she’ll probably want to do it doggy style or ride you like the wind; depending on the type of mood she's in. 
- Speaking of toys: she had an absolute blast while picking them out with you. The two of you went to a sex shop in town and she kept making jokes about what you should buy and pulling faces at the concerningly large dildos that they carried. It may have been immature, but boy was it fun. 
- Fun is a big thing in your relationship. She’s much more comfortable with you than any other partner she’s ever had before and she relishes in that lack of insecurity. The two of you will oftentimes just break out into a fit of giggles and half the time, neither of you will even know why. She’s honestly just glad she’s found someone that she doesn’t feel the need to be fake with; though it may take her a little while to come to that point. 
- It’s not necessarily sexual, but I think the two of you would innocently compare bodies a lot and would just feel really comfortable being in the nude with each other. Like you’d just be naively seeing whose butt/boobs are bigger and joking about liking the other persons more, regardless of who the actual “winner” was.
- You probably have a tendency to shower together and have makeouts under the hot water: usually leading to some form of shower sex; though it isn’t always guaranteed.
- And just so you know, you’re not allowed to put yourself down in her presence. If she sees that you’re insecure about something or hears you insult yourself, she’ll; for lack of a better phrase, fuck your insecurities away: making you praise yourself until you cum and stopping her actions whenever you stop.
- I can’t explain why, but I feel as though she’s either a butt girl or a hip/thigh girl. I just think she’d be especially attracted to those parts of you and would make an effort to grab them whenever she could.
- She’s almost always down to have sex: though I’d try and be sure that she actually is before allowing yourself to succumb to desire because I definitely think that she’d have a habit of agreeing to just because she feels like she has to/because its a “rite of passage” and makes her seem more mature. Do right by her or I’ll kick your ass, just saying. 
- She’s pretty normal and vanilla all things considered. She isn’t really into anything hardcore and prefers having average, “boring” sex; especially with you since she likes you so much. 
- Hearing you moan and listening to your praise is music to her ears. She’ll do whatever she can to make you do it more: which is part of the reason why you probably shouldn’t have sex when her parents are home. 
- Speaking of moaning: if you ever want to hear her, just put your hands on chest and feel her up. It’s her very own special brand of kryptonite and it never fails to make her whine. 
- Congrats if you have thing for being breathless because the amount of time she spends with her lips glued to yours will definitely leave you feeling lightheaded.
- She’s honestly adorable whenever she’s trying to seduce you. She'll just plop down on the bed beside you and smile while she asks you what you’re doing, trailing her finger down your thigh and trying her best to seem nonchalant. She will grow impatient though so I hope you’re good at reading signals. 
- She likes having your full attention so be sure to focus on her the best you can; or else she’ll flip the script and make you focus.
- I feel like she’d have a nervous quirk where she’d unconvincingly insist that “[she] knows” whenever you’d try to politely give her advice: like what she’s meant to do next or how something works. You’d just let her think that she’s fooled you while smiling to yourself as she does whatever you tell her to. 
- Car sex. It might be a little awkward but at least you’ve got prolonged privacy, right?
- She always makes a point of wearing matching sets whenever you’re together and has a habit of being perfectly neat: i.e. trimmed/shaven. It’s just something that she’s picked up through the years and it’s probably not going away anytime soon; regardless of whether you mind hair or not. 
- Sometimes the two of you will pick out fancy little outfits and put on makeup just so you can mess it up and play a perverted game of dress up in the privacy of her bedroom. It’s aesthetically and sexually pleasing.
- Cumming at the same time; she’s got a talent for timing that sort of thing. 
- There’s always a lot of aftercare involved whenever the two of you have sex; even when you don’t really need it. You’ll take turns peeing and washing up and then you’ll collapse in bed together, watching some stupid tv show while you wrap yourselves around each other. 
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