#because her getting up or going to bed is a 15-30 minute process

[ghostsinthecellar]

I am. so tired. that I may simply pass away

[blehrbie-blog]

Neteyam x Reader story Part 2?

So, I'm really happy that so many people liked the first story (I don't wanna call it chapter bc it feels like I'm committing to there being multiple chapters) but I may have written a little something else. Now I don't want to say that this will happen again bc I only wrote this because the inspiration struck me, if there is no inspiration I'm not going to drag this story to its death, we will leave it where it is.

That being said (I know, I talk a lot) writing this addition felt nice. it is set quite some time after the first one and I want to specifify that at this point the Reader and Neteyam are well into their adult life so I feel like they're allowed to be a little suggestive. To do the maths. If you didn't know in the movie Neteyam and Lo'ak are 14-15. Then in the last bit of this story he was 24-25, at this point he is in his early 30s. Which is quite a jump but that's how it felt right to me and that's how it came out. So now, enjoy! :D

________________

previous

The scene I see is of a quiet morning of the two sleeping in bed wrapped around each other. The sweet voice of their daughter being the only thing pulling them from sleep. She runs over, her little feet pattering on the uneven grass.

-Mama! Papa! - she jumps onto their legs bouncing and nudging.

- My sweetness – Neteyam rouses, picking his head up from where it laid tucked between your neck and shoulder. - it is too early to wake your mother. - His eyes are still blurry with sleep.

His gruff voice brings a smile to your face. It's like a sweet tickle to your ears, to get to hear it every day is a blessing. He shifts from behind you and you crack open an eye to watch as he picks up your daughter and lifts her above his head to make her giggle.

-Papa, let me down! - she whines, but she's not really bothered, her eyes are lit up with laughter. She has his eyes and his smile. She has your hands tho, three fingers, and they're so small.  He brings her down in a tight hug and kisses the top of her head.

-My precious girl. - he sets her down and leads her outside the tent with a hand on her head. - let's go see Grandma, hmm?

You lay there with your eyes closed for a couple more minutes. Until you turn over in the sheets, staring up at the top of your tent. You have work to do. There is medicine to hand out and ceremonies to prepare. There is also a child to raise and teach and a husband to keep happy. And it is all so perfect. You almost can't believe that this is your life, that it has been since that sweet moment in the woods all those years ago. You're lost to memories of your early life for a while, it's a precious time. Your thoughts lead to your daughter. She is almost as old as you were when you and Neteyam became friends. And now she somehow exists as perfect proof of your connection. It feels all too recent, like it was yesterday and still like a hundred-year-old memory that has existed in thousands of lives.  

-My dear – Neteyam's voice brings you back from your daydreams. He's at the edge of the tent's opening, sunlight shining through the loose braids over his shoulders - Would you like to join your daughter and me for a morning flight?

You blink a few times taking the time to process and give him a skeptical look – My daughter?

-She is being fussy with her food - he looks down smugly as he says – so she is your daughter this morning.

-And when is she your daughter then? - you prop yourself on your elbows to look at him properly since he's decided to be cheeky this morning.

He hums, pretending to be deep in thought as he stalks over inside to sit down at your feet – When she is being kind and good and listens to her parents. That is when. - his eyes are warm as he smiles at you.

You roll your eyes – Does she take that from you then? Being obedient?

-Of course! - he says in mock offense

-Hmm, interesting. - You press your forehead to his as your eyes close gently, still fighting sleep – I seem to remember a boy who would take me out to fly on his Ikran late at night, when his parents definitely thought he was sleeping safe and sound in their tent.

He presses a kiss to your lips and hums softly – You must be thinking of someone else, dear.

You keep quiet for a bit - Is that so? - your words fall onto his lips as you say them and you pull away, suddenly full of energy – Then I must go find this 'someone else' as he is suuurely my one true love and father of my child. - you say getting up with your back to him. Only to turn around quickly with a mischievous smile and tease in a sing-song tone – As you said, I must be thinking of someone else!

He is still sitting splayed on your sheets with his mouth now open in surprise. You see a quick glint pass his eyes. Dare you say jealousy?

So, you quickly raise your hand, pointing a finger at him – You started this.

He clenches his jaw a couple of times, thinking, and gets up aiming for the door. - Alright then.

The sudden change makes you think you've upset him. You were just poking a bit of fun. But he stops by you and gives you a serious look.

I must say I didn't like that game. - he says, his lips in a pout, and your shoulders ease up. He's not upset.

You grab a small braid hanging by his ear and tug on it lightly. - Is that because I beat you at it? - you say as you look up at him through your lashes.

He hums low in his throat, and brings his face closer, nosing at your jawline – Oh, but I love it when you win these games. - And he presses a warm kiss to the side of your throat. Bringing your chin down with his hand, so he can kiss you deeply. Breaking apart only to whisper - But now, we must go entertain our daughter, as she seems to have your lack of patience, my love.

As you process his words, you hear a whiny call from far away – Papa! Hurry Up!

His amber eyes look into yours as if to prove a point – See?

You caress his face gently - Run along then, papa. I'll be right behind you.

With a quick peck on the lips, he runs out calling to your child. When you've grabbed a pack and stuffed it with the medicines you need for your tasks today you set off right after them ready for a flight into the sky.

__________________

And there we go! Another one! hope you enjoyed this one as much if not more than the first one. But genuinely thank you for enjoying the first one as much as you guys did. Hopefully my attempts at linking it at the top have not failed and if you haven't read it you can have a quick look!

[nicromancytarot]

MY MAIN SPIRITUAL AWAKENING

I should start off by saying that this awakening and information links into one of my past lives, I wasn’t aware at the time because I didn’t find out about this past life until pretty much a year after my awakening, but this information is the life path of that past life, and this is most likely my last life (which I can talk about if you’d like) so I gotta complete his mission in this one too!

Ok so picture this, March 2023, laying in bed on tiktok, I start seeing angel numbers every minute, they get more and more, this goes on for the entire next 2 days. I think I’m dying, I search up what that could mean (I also had a rash at the time that I thought was cancerous lmao, so that tops it off)

2 days later I awake from my slumber, it’s like 1pm and I’m hungry for my breakfast, so I get up and grab myself a bowl of noodles. And as I got to sit down back in my bed, I go “I wonder what happens after we die.”

Now, if you’re spiritual, you may know how it feels to ask a question out loud and receive a download of the answer, well that was exactly that.

All the sudden my mind is flooded with information, I began reciting it to better understand whatever the hell I was thinking.

These were my first studies on the subject, based off everything that I was channeling from I assume my spirit guides. So here’s a run down on what I learnt the first day.

Ignore the spelling mistakes, spelling is not one of my core strengths.

THE BLACK AND WHITE HOLE THEORY

The black and white hole theory is one that I hold very loosely, it basically just means that our universe is being projected in the middle of these two portals of gravitational points.

But it does feed into my favourite theory! Which we will get into later on as it’s later down in the storyline.

HYPNOSIS, HALLUCINATIONS, AND THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND

So I focused more on the power of our subconsciousness and what we can achieve. Our subconsciousness acts like a sponge, everything that you see, hear, touch, smell, taste is remembered by your subconscious mind. So you may see someone’s face and not actually remember them consciously, but find that they seem familiar due to your subconscious memory.

I mentioned hallucinations and schizophrenia, treading very carefully here, it is within one of my theories that both of those occur when someone’s subconsciousness is overpowered compared to their consciousness, causing seeing, hearing and experiencing things that are not real.

My main proof of this possibility is that I experience something called Hypnopompic hallucinations, these occur as someone is awakening. You experience a hallucination caused by the fact that you are still in a state of relaxation and your subconsciousness is in control of your mind at that time.

Some things I have experienced:

- Bugs crawling on my body, I woke up and proceeded to strip myself out of my clothes and throw them on the floor, it only lasted around thirty seconds and then I realised it wasn’t real and went back to sleep.

- Bugs crawling under my sheets, I jumped up, waking up my cat in the process, lasted 10-15 seconds.

- A snake on my bed, my most recent one, I woke up and saw a snake on the side of my bed, I pulled myself out in such an awkward way and went to grab a blanket to remove it, then realised it wasn’t real. Lasted 30 seconds.

- A man standing by the side of my bed. TERRIFYING, I didn’t sleep for 2 days after this dude. I woke up and saw a man standing at the side of my bed, a minute later, while hiding under my sheets, I realised he wasn’t real and proceeded to cry about it to my friends lmao.

So why does this relate to daylight hallucinations and cases of schizophrenia? My mother is schizophrenic so I had a little interview with her about it, we both agreed that hallucinations, no matter if caused by a natural phenomenon or some imbalance in the chemical reactions of your brain, they still feel very real. I woke up to that snake and thought it was real, my heart was racing, the same way that she describes her hallucinations. The medication used in cases of schizophrenia and hallucinations most likely alters the chemical reactions between the conciousness and subconsciousness in the brain, therefore lowering the reaction of the subconscious side.

Going back to hypnosis, I didn’t believe in this shit for the longest time, but the scientific explanation is easy to explain. During hypnosis the individual gets into a relaxed state, in which we would refer to as being the same as a heightened subconsciousness induced hallucination episode. Therefore those who respond well to their time under hypnosis will actually experience seeing and believing in things because their subconsciousness (which has no understanding of reality, hence whacky dreams) is the one responding.

WHAT IS REAL?

So now we’ve learnt that your subconsciousness controls things that aren’t necessarily real, what does that mean? Well your subconsciousness is more active in states of relaxation, that’s how dreams, hypnosis, astral travel and others all occur.

This is also the part of your brain partial to experiencing deja vu, something that your consciousness cannot remember but your subconsciousness does.

So what does this mean for our reality? Well if we can experience the astral via our subconscious response, and experience things that are not real, that leads us to the three points of reality.

3D, 4D, 5D

The physical realm, spiritual realm, and the astral realm.

An important thing to know about these is that the 4D and 5D work simultaneously and are connected. This is because everything that doesn’t exist physically must exist spiritually, so every thought, idea, manifestation exist in the 4D, this is because non-physical matter must expel spiritually. Now we as physical beings cannot access the 4D, however we can exist in its buddy, the 5D, this is where our dreams take place, astral travel, meditation.

So why can’t we access the spiritual if it is connected to the astral? Because physical matter does not expel spiritually. Even when we are in the astral, we are always tried down to our physical body. In cases of shifting realities you can go and experience another reality, however now you’re tied down to another physical body, and therefore not in the spiritual.

So what is in the spiritual? Spirits, manifestations, desires, dreams, hopes, ideas, the multiverse, the afterlife, God’s, dieties. All of the above are spiritual matter.

There is only one thing to connect the physical and spiritual realms, and that’s energy, imagine having a rope in between the two, that’s energy, it flows simultaneously though both realms, and even towards the astral and anything more.

SO DEATH? WHAT IS DEATH?

Death is the act of physical disconnection to the 3D. When someone dies, they can no longer have a physical attachment to that universe as their body is not responsive to their soul.

Perhaps you’ll like to hear this, maybe you won’t. Personally it gives me some peace of mind after five years of solely believing in quantum immortality. But your afterlife is what you make of it.

We have already noted that EVERYTHING that doesn’t exist physically must exist spiritually, so that means when we access the spiritual, we can do whatever we want. Reincarnate, spend time with family, become a spirit, meet your Gods or deities, it’s truly up to you from here on out.

BACK TO LIFE EXPERIENCES

When someone passes on but comes back to life, there is a very different reaction to this. In the physical only present time exists, but in the spiritual you can access both the past and future, so when someone dies and becomes of spiritual matter, they’re future dictation could keep them connected to their physical body.

Most likely they will end up in the void, it’s like the afterlife but it’s within the astral, this is a place where whatever you want can happen, a lot like the spiritual, but here you are still connected to your physical body and can be brought back whenever. And that’s what happens. The void is a black endless space, so some people with back to life experiences have said that they experienced meeting God, while others only saw a black void of endless time. That my friends is the lovely void state. You can access this while alive, it’s the best for manifestation, astral projection and shifting realities.

THE INTEGRITY OF A TRIANGLE

My favourite theory!!!

Triangles have three points and are the most stable shape in the entire world, what else has three points? that’s right, time.

PAST —> PRESENT —> FUTURE

But a triangle with three sides is only one triangle, in the same way that three forms of time only equate to one.

The present tense. That’s how we experience everything. Eight years ago I experienced in the present, although now we call it the past. And in 20 years will be my future, but I’ll experience it presently.

We can only exist in the present.

So going back to our black and white hole theory. Three points of time. The white hole (past), the black hole (future) and in the middle? The universe.

PAST —> PRESENT —> FUTURE

WHITE —> UNIVERSE —> BLACK

The integrity of a triangle.

I have an entire book of this stuff and could talk about it for days, but that’s a fair amount of it simplified.

If i disappear, I would never kill myself!! I’ve probably been found by the FBI 🫶🏻

[onlyjaeyun]

thinking about the sb!universe so here are some scenes/headcannons i have:

• one day jay’s dad shows up to the office with shiah’s dad and shiah herself. jay’s dad drops that he believes it’s time to start the marriage process. shiah slips jay the ring she’s always wanted and tells her to make the proposal big and grand, and that they’ll act like it was all a surprise for the media. yn overhears and is devastated. my poor girly :( . that meeting is like 3,000 steps backward for jay and yn.

• yn showing up to flowers on her desk from the one guy she starts seeing from another dept. jay has someone send out a notice reminder that sending gifts with intent and dating amongst coworkers, even those in other departments is not recommended. he even asks giselle to investigate it as she works in HR, and she’s like uhmmm, ok?? giselle doesn’t take it seriously and snitches to yn. she’s like “GIRL UR MAN IS JEALOUSSSSS” 🤭🤭 when jay asks for a follow up a few days later giselle is like uhmmm…no response yet from my manager haha, we’re like super busy rn.

• the other boys of the seoul 4 and nayeon finding out yn is casually dating again and throwing random options at her in front of jay who can’t show jealous he is to prove a point.

ok enough of the jealousy, some cute stuff:

• yn and jay taking a weekend vacation when they get together and just being glued to each other all weekend. yn is so cuddly, especially after sex, which is new to jay. usually he keeps his distance in bed after his 3 rounds with miyeon or she leaves right away. he’s ready to go crazy when yn leaves the bathroom and comes back to the bed after being cleaned up and she just closes the distance between them (pee after sex so you don’t get a UTI girlies). his breath hitches in his throat and he knows he can stay like this forever.

• IK IK IK it’s too early in the smau to think about sb!yn and jay getting married and having children but i had to 😭 jay’s like in a serious emergency meeting after something goes wrong and his face is just stoic and he looks like he’s gonna kill someone in a few minutes. but then his 2 little children burst through the door after yn took her eyes off them for literally 30 seconds. they were supposed to wait outside of the meeting room to surprise him but their 4 year old daughter and 2 year old son don’t care. jay’s mood instantly changes when his children are suddenly jumping into his lap and gripping his arm with their little hands. he hasn’t seen them all week because of all the time he’s been spending in the office so he lets them stay. he gives him his pen and notebook to play with as they sit on his lap. yn opens the door a crack and makes silent eye contact with jay to say sorry, but he just silently assures her it’s fine and laughs at how one of the kids started drawing on his suit sleeve. when the meeting finishes he kisses their cheeks and thanks them for being so good during the meeting.

• yn and jay taking their first trip together and deciding to go shopping. jay buys everything for her and she’s like no no i didn’t even want it that much. he’s like baby u tried it on and stared at yourself in the mirror for 15 minutes smiling before u put it back. whenever yn needs something he just puts his black card in front of her and assures her that he has more than enough money for himself and that his princess deserves to be spoiled. and then yn fights him at the boba shop, insisting she’ll pay for this one thing 😭😭

a little nsfw hc for u too heehee

• sb!jay is probably obsessed with creampies, he loves to come in yn and watch it just drip out ooooh. if yn’s on bc, he’d go crazy 😭😭 when yn’s like yk i still have the chance of getting pregnant, jay’s just like well baby we’ll be parents then, i don’t mind. we love a man who accepts that pleasurable actions have their consequences.

this one for shits and giggles:

• jay learning about yn’s family and deciding enough is enough. he hires a hitman to get them 😍😍😍

i literally love all of these so so so much and am just super grateful to know you guys enjoy this as luch as i do. i'll absolutely use a few of ghese ideas as inspo and genuinely can't wait to indulge in most of them. ESPECIALL THE CREAMPIE ONE BC THATS SO HIM 👀👀👀 and pls involving the boys and nayeon when she does start dating again will make things so much better so you bet your ass i'll use that one 🤭🤭 thank you so much baby, your brain is so sexy i hope you have the best day ever and know i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍💖🧸

[campbyler]

ok. a genuine question. how do u guys write 20-30k *chapters* bc i will outline fics minutely or i will just let myself start writing based off a vibe & either way i will get 600 words out of maybe. two hours of work. on a good day with no distractions/interruptions, & i very much do not have an uninterrupted two hours to write very often, so you can imagine how slowly things get written T_T so i’m interested if there’s any aspect of any of your writing processes that really enables u guys to write so much or if it’s not really something you think about? anyways i really like ur guys’s work, & thank you for deciding to write for byler bc i know me and a lot of people enjoy it a lot. thanks!!

hello !! this is a super valid question and i’ll try my best to answer it for you 😗✌️

andi infamously writes a lot faster than thea and i do (she finished draft 1 of chapter 3 in like. two days. which was so scary. i’m in awe of her fr) but she has also spent a lot of time editing ch3 so it’s definitely not like these chapters are publish-ready in a short amount of time by any means! it took thea a couple of months total to fully write + edit ch1 and it took me about 3.5 weeks to write ch2 and another two weeks to edit it which is part of the reason we’ve spaced out our posting schedule like we have — we put a lot of effort and care into these updates and we want to give ourselves as much time as possible to get ahead before all 3 of us inevitably get so super busy with work and/or school in the fall!! so while we do write a lot, please don’t think we are so insanely speedy about it because unless we are having Really Good Writing Days, that’s definitely not the case. sometimes we do have days where we are really in the zone and write more than usual, but at least for me, this is so so so rare. whatever i write in this time gets heavily edited because so much of it was nonsensical brain vomit LOL

as far as writing process goes, i think one of the things that motivates us a lot is that we genuinely do just talk about this au constantlyyyyy like we’re always coming up with silly little hcs or drawing for it or adding to the Lore ™️so we’re always getting inspired to write! all three of us are definitely people who use writing as a way to relax or even reward ourselves after a long day; we would probably die if we had to go too long unable to :/ messages like “i can’t wait to get home and write after work today” or “i’m going to write a little bit of ___ before bed because i deserve it” are very commonly found in our gc because we really just look forward to it so much! as for our scary word counts, i feel like there is a lot of worldbuilding in this universe specifically, and pacing is really important to us — we want to make sure introductions and set-up to a scene and character interactions are meaningful and flow naturally, and building tension (which is a hallmark of this fic hehe) does take some time, which can definitely add up word count-wise.

for the most part, none of us usually have a solid few hours to sit and write either (unless it’s on our days off or after work if we’re not too tired) and we get a lot of writing done in chunks! we hold each other accountable for short check-ins (“ask me for a snip in 30 minutes”) which is super helpful when you’re stuck, because it kind of forces you to get Something down without worrying if it’s super polished and edited and perfect. if you’re writing on your own, something i’ve started doing lately is setting a 15 minute timer and just seeing how much i can get done in that time, and then setting another and doing it again (up until however much time you have to write that day). i’ve found that the artificial deadline helps break the monotony of sitting in front of your computer for Hours on end with nothing to show for it bc TRUST we’ve all been there and it sucks so bad 😔✊

this got super long so i apologize but i hope at least a little bit of it was helpful! it definitely helps that we are constantly feeding into each other (i.e: having brainrot) and offering inspiration and advice, which does wonders for creative flow tbh. we’re definitely not cranking these chapters out as quickly as people might seem to think — thea started chapter four, which won’t be posted for about a month, maybe a week or two ago. i just started chapter 5 — about 6 weeks away — yesterday lol so we do take our time! don’t be scared by the giant chapters, we just had a lot of content we wanted to include in each one and are in too deep to take anything out 🥳🥳 thank you for the question! good luck with your writing we believe in you 🫡

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 37. brb x oc

a/n: AAAAAAAAA FUCK F U C K ( also shoutout to @taytaylala12 who HELPED ME WITH THE WHOLE BABY PROCESS EHE)

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: JESUS CHRIST PREGNANCY, BABY, AAAAAAA??????????

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10/11/12/13/14/15/16/17/18/19/20/21/22/23/24/25/26/27/28/29/30/31/32/33/34/35/36

(pls let me know if you want to be added to the taglist!! )

taglist: @mirandastuckinthe80s @roosterschanelslut @wiipes @lcahwriter @shrimping-for-all @gretagerwigsmuse @frenchtoastix

@lizzie-rdj @fanboyluvr @atarmychick007 @comebacktoearthpls

@peachiicherries @mak-32 @lizziespidiepridie @roosterswifey @ollyoxenfrees @piceous21 @sqrlgrl22 @hofficoffi @lexhalstead3 @lorilane33 @legendarydreamersharkparty @luckyladycreator2

@emilybradshaw @j-6o @louisahale @leobabbyyy @kulicny @winter-run @ktjmac @graciereads @bigpoppajes @taytaylala12

@caitsymichelle13 @becks-things @caatheeriinee07 @dhwanishah09 @jesfreedark @katiemcrae @lilmonstrjedi

-

When his birthday arrives, she wakes up a few minutes after she hears Rooster in the bathroom. She,however,stays in bed looking up at the ceiling, wincing at the little cramp that was now a common occurrence since Nicole got bigger.

She knew it was nothing to worry about, it was very similar to the other cramps she had months before, it was the same sharp yet dull pain in her navel that she decided not to tell Rooster.

Not only because it was his birthday,but mainly because she didn’t want him worrying so much so early in the morning. It was normal, everything was fine, there was nothing more going on. Maybe it was just because Nikki’s due date was coming up and their daughter was just getting restless and it was fine! There was nothing to worry about.

The faucet shut off when Beatrice slowly sat on the bed, heaving out a sigh and looking up to see her husband’s worried face from the door, “I’m okay.” she stretches her arms towards him, “Help me up?” she didn’t have to ask twice, because Rooster immediately stepped closer to her, wrapping his big hands around her smaller ones and giving her a tug to stand up to her feet. “Thank you,Roos.”

“Everything okay?”

“I’m fine.” she smiles, then leans up to kiss his chin, “I promise.”

“Do you want me to do anything?” he questions, following her to the bathroom, eagle eyed at the brunette who opened the faucet to wash her face, “I can draw the bath for you.”

“I’d really like that.” she held back another wince from the cramping, he hadn’t noticed it, thankfully, “Then we can start working on your birthday party.”

Rooster still thought there was no need to start preparing things now, it was a barbecue, the only things they’d have to worry about was putting the meat on the grill and popping some beer bottles open…and of course there was the amazing Belgian chocolate cake in the fridge that he hadn’t noticed until now but still! “Baby they won’t get here until eleven.” he explains, walking around her to fill the bathtub, “There’s no need to hurry.”

But Beatrice, who always wanted to be a good host and often worried if people were having fun or not, pursed her lips into a little frown, “Well…okay,but we are going to add some balloons at least, wait no they’ll deflate by the time they arrive…hm…” he just smiled, he loved her so much but she had other things in her mind she should worry about.

“Alright,gorgeous.” he says once the bath is filled, the water is just warm enough for her and Nicole to be safe inside, “Come on in.” and he tried not to look down at her full breasts when she undresses, offering his hand to her so she could step in without issues, “You know what,” he begins once she’s already inside, “I could join you-”

“Rooster.”

“It’s my birthday and I think it’d be really welcome.”

Beatrice makes a face, eventually breaking into a smile, “Alright, but no funny business.” she mutters, scooting a bit forward so there’s enough space behind her, “Hop in.” the water ripples when he finally steps inside, his legs on either side of her body and his hands on her shoulders to bring her to his chest, his lips immediately touching her temple.

“Comfortable?” she nods, fluttering her eyes shut as Rooster’s lips remain on her head, Beatrice’s body relaxing as he gently caressed her stomach, “...just a few more days.” he whispered, “We have everything for the hospital bag,right?”

Beatrice,with her eyes closed, just arched her brow, “Do you want to check again?”

“I mean we checked it twice yesterday.” he murmured against her hair, gently lifting her belly and letting it go like he learned in the antenatal classes, his wife easing out a sigh of relief, ‘I don’t think it’d be a bad idea if we did it again.”

The movements he was doing were helping her cramps a lot, that and the warm water surrounding them, she had to hold herself from falling back asleep so she chose to place one of her hands on his arm, caressing the dark hairs, “I don’t mind. It’s always good to check if we really got everything.” he was excited, she knew that was why he was talking about it and it was the cutest thing.

Her husband, who was over six feet and built like a brick wall, always got soft spoken whenever talking about their child and the things they’d have to do. He fixed Nicole’s room months ago, he was also the one that often cleaned it - because again he didn’t want her to be overworked even if she did assure him she was completely fine doing so - and made sure it was perfect for Nicole when she was able to use it.

It was adorable, it was perfect and it was such a Rooster thing to do. Beatrice smiles up at him, he’s talking about how they should bring more change of clothes for her and he had to check if the car seat they bought - because the one she used for Bianca was already well, claimed for - was safe enough for the baby. She was so in love with him she just placed her cheek on his chest, watching him speak until he finally noticed her eyes staring adoringly at him, “What?”

She shrugs, “You are just too sweet,Roos.” she whispers, “I’m very lucky.”

“You know I should be the one saying that.”

“Are we going to go back and forth on who's the luckiest of the two?” she asks just as he leans his head closer to her, lips curling into a smirk.

“Yep.” he mutters against her mouth, “It’ll be a long argument that we’ll never take either answer as true.” he pecks her lips softly, “Then let’s just say we are both lucky enough to have each other, how’s that?”

Beatrice giggles against his lips, cupping the underside of his jaw before breaking the kiss, sighing happily with her eyes closing once more as she snuggled up against him, “I like that idea.”

“Me too.” he kisses the top of her head again,”Do you want me to give you a massage?”

“Hmmm…I’m good.” she says, “You can just be here with me, that’s already pretty relaxing.”

He chuckles against her scalp, inhaling the delicious lavender from her hair as her hands land on top of his still covering her stomach. “I’m going to miss this.” Beatrice makes a confused noise, furrowing her brows, “I don’t know, touching you like this, it’s really nice.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You mean my huge pregnant stomach?” she asks with a little grin, “That’s so cute,Brad.”

“Well, you said I was cute.” he smirks, propping his chin on the curve of her shoulder, the water no longer warm as before, signaling they’ve been in there for quite a while already and they hadn’t even bathed yet…but they were both so comfortable, “I guess it’s just because it’s so new,huh?Anyway,we better clean up because soon enough the water is going to turn cold as fuck and you can’t stay here with cold water all around you.”

Beatrice giggles, “Fair. I’d hate to become a giant popsicle because of it.”

“All pruned up too.” he smirks, kissing her head one last time, “But I’d love you no matter what. Now come on, get yourself ready,I’ll wash your hair.”

-

Beatrice’s cramps remained but they weren’t bad, they never got worse than normal - and she had some bad ones these past months - it was just a very annoying discomfort and she didn’t want to bring all the attention to her on Rooster’s birthday. Plus, seeing everyone there, from the Dagger Squad to her family was more than a good distraction from the cramping.

“Okay now- oh.” she stops walking when she feels a giant head pressing up to her stomach, Eleanor’s big brown eyes looked up at her with caution, gently sniffing the brunette’s covered belly, “Hey Ellie,I’m okay girl.” she coos, petting the dog gently as she holds a few clean plates one handed, “I’m okay, go outside with your mama and brother,okay? You are going to get some bones!”

Eleanor stops, considers it, then leaves the kitchen towards the backyard where the laughter and music could be heard. Beatrice closed her eyes with relief thanking whatever deity was responsible for allowing them to have his birthday there, at home, crazy to think that one year ago he proposed to her on this very day.

Wow, time was going by so fast.

From them dating, to marriage and now Nicole was literally days away from being born. 

“What are you doing?” the voice snaps her out of her thoughts, turning towards the glass doors to where she sees Shells with her hands on her hips, looking absolutely annoyed.

“We needed more plates-” but her friend marches up to her, grabs the colorful plates from her hands before Beatrice could complete her sentence, “Well-”

“I’m sorry, who’s the one almost popping a baby out? Surely isn’t me, why aren’t you sitting?!”

Beatrice frowns,looking down at her stomach, “It’s…well,I just–”

“Beatrice just wanted to be a good host, Shells.”Evelyn’s voice adds in, stepping between the two to grab the plates from the blonde this time, “Even though it was better if she didn’t, it’s okay to be useful. Are you okay tho?”

Beatrice nods after a subtle cramp inside, this one a bit more intense but again she said nothing, “I’m fine.I just,well, everyone is outside-”

“Including your husband whose only reason for not following you inside is because he’s flipping stuff on the grill.” Shells comments, crossing her arms over her chest with her brows furrowed, “You really are okay? Because if you are you have to, you know, go back outside and enjoy the time you got with everyone, it’s already six in the afternoon and you are still moving about.”

Already?!

Time was really going by fast.

“I promise I’ll sit down and relax.” she smiles, holding both of her hands up in defense, “I promise guys, I won’t be walking around too much.”

“Good, now go back outside,Rooster is already itching to get you.”Evelyn smirks, nodding her head towards the backyard. Beatrice thanks Evelyn and Shells,the blonde almost pushing her out of the kitchen to the door only being prevented by their taller friend who held her by the inner elbow.

Beatrice cautiously walks out of the kitchen to the backyard, Eleanor glued to her side like a magnet to a fridge. She thanks the white dog, before lifting her eyes to meet Rooster’s. He was relaxed, leaning back against the chair with his shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest, exposing the chest hair and some of the sun kissed skin, his legs were crossed - the one on top was his tattooed leg - and he was wearing flip flops. 

He smiles up at her when she waddles closer, immediately standing to his feet so he could help her sit down herself, “Hey gorgeous.” he says, kissing her cheek, “The girls kicked you out?”

“In a way.” she places one hand on top of her stomach then the other on the chair’s arm, slowly sitting down with Rooster’s own hands supporting her lower back, “I’m okay though, they just didn’t want me to move around too much.”

He made a face that clearly meant he understood their concerns, waiting until she was settled enough to sit down next to her, “I don’t blame them.” he says with a gentle chuckle, before he lifts his gaze to where their friends and family were, all talking amongst each other, laughing, having fun…it was a great way to celebrate his birthday. “Thank you,by the way.” he holds her hand under the table, rubbing her knuckles. “If I hadn’t listened to you we wouldn’t have such a good time.”

There was Queen playing in the background, their friends were having a wonderful time and Beatrice - while her Braxton-Hicks were annoying - was just as happy to see him smiling like that “I told you it was a good idea, Roos.” she whispers, leaning closer to kiss his cheek, but he turns just in time for their lips to meet. They laugh against each other’s mouths, then pull back because they both knew if they remained like that their friends would have absolutely no mercy.

Not that they wouldn’t normally, they always liked teasing them.

They kept their hands together as they talk to everyone else, his thumb rubbing her knuckles while her hand squeezes his every now and again. She’s currently drinking water after eating some of the things they had planned for the party - including the cake - and was now enjoying the conversation, sometimes chiming in whenever it came her way.

Jolene,Eleanor and Jack surrounded her chair, curled up close to Beatrice. She wished she could say the Braxton-Hicks were getting lighter, but they weren’t, sometimes she’d squeeze his hand way too tight only to say that Nicole was just pressing up her bladder and that she was fine. He lets go of her hand to grab another beer from the cooler they had outside, Beatrice’s jaw clenching at a strong one that made her toes curl and grit her teeth.

Rooster was leaning against the wall with one of his hands inside his shorts’ pocket, laughing with Payback and Coyote, his head turned away from her -which she was thankful for, again there was nothing to worry about-

Something wet.

She feels something wet sliding down her leg.

Beatrice widens her eyes, no one seems to notice how she suddenly paled then looked down at her long flowery dress to check. The dogs immediately stood up, snouts directed to the small puddle forming between her feet, “...oh…shit…” she breathes in slowly, then looks up at Rooster only for another cramp to hit her, stronger than before, it almost punched the air out of her lungs.

She couldn’t be in labor. No, she had everything written down, Nicole was coming on the thirtieth! Beatrice clenches the table cloth, almost ripping the light blue colored fabric, “Roos.” She calls, but because of the music and talking he can’t hear her…she doesn’t want to call too much attention or stop the party, shit, but she had no choice. “Roos,” again, “Rooster,” louder this time, when she gets no response she inhales before letting out a “Bradley!”

He immediately stops the conversation, in fact everyone does to look towards her, “...Roos,I don’t want you to freak out.” she begins, “B-But I think we might have to go to the hospital.”

There’s complete silence, the type that you’d only hear if someone suddenly died. The beer that was in Mav’s mouth was immediately spat out and he had to cover his mouth before it flew on Halo’s face. The beer bottle that Bradley was holding however,slipped from his grasp, his smile faltering and eyes widening, not hearing the sharp crash of the bottle hitting the ground, “...wait, now? Now?”

“Roos,yes!” she groans in pain, “My water broke!”

Everyone stands up quickly, chairs fall, the dogs start barking, Beatrice’s brothers are freaking out and her parents are surrounding her while Shells is shouting - much like Michael Scott- “Everybody calm the fuck down it’s happening!” 

Beatrice understood the commotion but she was in too much pain to actually voice it out, “Okay,shit,fuck!” Rooster almost trips over himself as he runs up the stairs to where the hospital bag was. Beatrice remembers to breathe, clenching her eyes,her teeth, her hand that was holding her body up against the table, all the while she could feel the uncomfortable wetness between her thighs.

Rooster’s loud footsteps could be heard above everyone’s panicked talking, he had the hospital bag on his shoulder and the car seat on his hand…only to remember he couldn’t help Bea if he had all of that on him, “Shit,” he looks around quickly, meeting Rafael’s eyes who walked away from Beatrice’s side to take everything from his son-in-law’s panicked grip.

“i got it ragazzo, go help Beatrice.”

He didn’t have to be told twice.

“Alright gorgeous,” he looks down at her face, red and pained, before he licks his lips and leans down to pick her up bridal style.

“No, no!” she waves her hand, swatting his own, “I’m too heavy, there’s no time,Roos!”

Normally he’d disagree, but considering the situation he nodded and grabbed her hand, “Come on,gorgeous, to the car.” shit there were the steps to the garage still. Everyone was running about, opening doors,holding dogs - Bianca was explaining to Éwoyn that they were going to have a little cousin!- grabbing towels for Bea as they walked towards the Bronco.

Rooster pulls the seat back once they reach the garage with her mother hovering behind in case she needed help, her daughter was just trying her best to not succumb to the sudden amount of pain darting all over her body, “Okay, gorgeous.” he whispers, helping her inside, kissing her forehead, “We’ll be there super quick okay?”

Beatrice could only nod with a little smile, closing her eyes when her mother kissed her forehead this time before Rooster closed the door. Holy shit his daughter was coming, she was going to be born on his birthday…possibly that is. Claudia looks up from her daughter to Bradley who stood to the side with his fists clenched and eyes unfocused, “Bambino, go on, we’ll clean the house, yes?”

“...right, right okay.I’ll let you guys know?” she nods, cupping his cheeks and pecking his own forehead, patting his face before she gives a step back, enough for him to walk around the car and get on the driver’s seat, “How’s it?”

Beatrice grunts, leaning her head back against the seat as he reverses the car, “It’s…it’s not great,Roos.” she laughs humorlessly.

“You said you were fine!” he sounds surprised, maybe a tiny bit annoyed, “Why didn’t you tell me about the contractions?”

“I-I thought-” another wince “I thought it was just Braxton-Hicks! Or-Or Nikki kicking my bladder, I-I didn’t think my water was going to break today! And I didn’t want t-to ruin your birthday.”

If Rooster wasn’t focused on the road he’d give his wife a stupefied stare, “You didn’t want to- Jesus,Bea.” he rubs his forehead with his fingertips, “Baby, no, no no, there’s nothing–” he turns to look at her and noticed how her eyes glossed then decides that this wasn’t the right time for it, she didn’t need the extra stress, “It’s okay, is it getting worse?”

“A-A little.”

“Okay,” he licks his lips, looking around the street for another way to the hospital, turning the car before it gets stuck in traffic, “It’s okay, you’ll be okay.” he drops one of his hands from the wheel to grab hers, bringing it up to his lips to press several little kisses against her skin, “We’ll be okay. Just a few minutes okay?”

Beatrice nods, chewing her lower lip hard as she breathes in and out like she was taught to, mentally thinking that if Nikki wanted to be born today she was going to be born today.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

One day in Farmer Julian's life:

6:00 am - 6:20 am: Wake up, make the bed, go to the toilet, take a shower.

6:20 am - 6:30 am: Check incoming calls, messages on mobile phone.

6:30 am - 6:50 am: Prepare and eat a quick breakfast (scrambled eggs and vegetables), feed Orion (dog) and Midnight (cat). Pet both animals.

6:50 am - 6:55 am - Pet Orion and Midnight some more.

6:55 am - 7:00 am: Check the weather and the fortune teller for today. Get upset because the spirits are annoyed today. Oh well...

7:00 am - 8:30 am - Water all the crops, feed and pet all coop and barn animals. Play with the calves for ten minutes. Treat all animals with cave carrots. Feed Luna (the horse), clean and brush her. Give Luna a few delicious apples as a treat.

8:30 am - 8:40 am: Pour food into the bird feeders. Listen to birdsong and enjoy the sound of rustling dry leaves and beautiful trees (it's autumn). He also sad now because autumn reminds him about his parents. Autumn was their favourite time of year... He missed them so much...

8:40 am - 9:25 am: Process all crops and animal products (wine, jams, mayonnaise and cheese). Rest for five minutes.

9:25 am - 9:30 am: Narrow a bouquet of sunflowers for a present (it's Claire's birthday!).

9:30 am - 9:40 am: Pick some more ripe apples. Take a backpack with a sword and pickaxe (still need to go to the Mines, even if the spirits don't favour him today).

9:40 am - 9:55 am: Grab everything needed, head towards Pelican Town. Greet the locals and treat them to an apple (Pam, Harvey, Evelyn, Robin, Lewis and Alex).

9:55 am - 10:00 am: Stop by JojaMart and give Claire some sunflowers (she's so happy!). Listen for five minutes to Morris about another Joja discount. Pretend to be very interested.

10:00 am - 10:15 am: Use the minecart, quickly getting to the Mines. Meet Marlon near the entrance, promise to find him the diamond (for Magnus).

10.15 am - 1:00 pm: Spend some time in the Mines below level 100, find only 15 pieces of gold ore, one diamond and one topaz (such a loot...). Return to the surface, because the elixirs have run out (there was only one bottle, and it was half empty).

1:00 pm - 1:10 pm: Give Marlon the diamond. Listen some mocking from jerks (unfamiliar adventurers from the Castle Village). Marlon barked at them, but Julian didn't care anymore, he's leaving already.

1:10 pm - 1:25 pm: Use the minecart again to get home. Use the ore to melt into the bars.

1:25 pm - 1:30 pm: Get a fishing rod. Head to the beach to fish.

1:30 pm - 1:35 pm: Come to the beach. Check the crab traps (trash, trash, trash, Joja cola, trash .... And some mussels. Well, at least enough for soup).

1:35 pm - 2:30 pm: Go fishing (five sardines, two anchovies and one sea cucumber. Yeah...). Sell Willy the catch (well, at least the fish is gold quality). Remember to give Lola the topaz for her request. Good thing the topaz is already there!

2:30 pm - 3:00 pm: Headed to Ridgeside Village. Met locals (Louie for demanding to be his butler again), Maddie ("I don't have much time") and Freddie (he said Lola was sitting outside the hotel).

3:00 pm- 3:40 pm: Giving Lola the topaz. Received praise, reward and a slice of blackberry pie (Delicious! And Julian just missed his lunch... again).

3:40 pm - 4:20 pm: Pick up some lava lilies before leaving. Give a few to passers-by (Corinne and Pika). The rest are for sale.

4:20 pm - 4:40 pm: Return home, put all items for sale in a bin (mayonnaise, three gold bars, lava lilies, and a couple of heads of cheese. Not much, but at least something).

4:40 pm - 6:30 pm: Fish again in the Cindersap forest river. Catch 13 fish (hey, that's pretty good already). Get a call from the... in-laws? It was Julian's aunt... Listen for a full minute about how selfish their nephew is and won't lend them money, which they'll pay back later (they won't).

6:30 pm - 6:40 pm: Another ten minutes passed, he was already talking in raised tones. Out of anger over the narcissistic aunt dropped the net with all the catch accidentally. Fuck... Hung up the phone and blocked the number (and why hadn't he done that before?).

6:40 pm - 7:30 pm: Went back to the farm tired and angry. Still, fed all the animals again. Dropped all tools in the chest nearby the shipping bin.

7:30 pm - 7:35 pm: Took a quick shower.

7:35 pm - 7:45 pm: Ate a simple sandwich and some tea (no energy for dinner).

7:45 pm - 8:20 pm: Read a book about gardening. Didn't warm up the fireplace (not enough logs).

8:20 pm - 8:40 pm: Fed Orion and Midnight.

8:41 pm: Fuck! He forgot to re-seed the fields with pumpkins!

8:41 pm - 10:20 pm - Planted all seeds.

10:20 pm - 11:00 pm - He forgot about slime hutch too! UUUUUGH!

11:00 pm - 11:30 pm: Some time in the social media.

11:30 pm - 11:40 pm: He tried to sleep. Without success (damn insomnia again).

11:40 pm - 11:50 pm: Took a walk not too far from farm house. Enjoyed the cold and breezy weather. Came home again.

11:50 pm - 11:55 pm: Played with Orion and Midnight for a bit as they climbed on the bed.

11:55 pm - 12:15 am: Finally fell asleep.

[timeoverload]

This week has destroyed me. I am in bad shape right now. I went to bed at like 7:30 last night. I didn't want to but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I woke up this morning thinking I was late for work but then I remembered that it's Friday.

Yesterday was just too much for me. I was able to keep up with the fast doctor for the most part but I had to do a lot of running. I was happy that he said good morning to me and he actually called me by name. None of the other doctors know my name as far as I know so that was nice.

It is nice to be noticed. A lot of the time I feel like I am just a glorified dishwasher and a nobody. The charge nurses often refer to us as dishwashers and I hate it. They aren't very nice. It's sad how a lot of nurses I work with are like that. They are insensitive and lack empathy and I don't know why a lot of them chose to work in the medical field. I decided not to pursue nursing because of that reason and it can be a tough job. The nurses I worked with at the nursing home and the hospice house were the same way. There is a lot of unnecessary drama. I know that nursing isn't easy but it's not ok to take frustrations out on co-workers and demean others.

I don't think they realize how complicated and important our job actually is. The hospital would not operate without us. It requires a lot of scientific knowledge. I might not have a college degree but I had to get certified and it took me 2 years of on the job training to prepare to take the exam. I worked with a preceptor for 6 months when I started. I have to have over 100 hours of education every 5 years in order to renew my certification. I have had to memorize the names of thousands of instruments and the procedures for processing them. I have to have an understanding of how instruments are used in surgery. I need to know a lot about anatomy. Wrapping instruments and pans is also an art and it took a lot of practice to learn how to do that correctly. I have had to wrap a lot of odd shaped things like alvarado boots and basins and that's a lot more difficult than wrapping a rectangular pan. Now that I specialize in eyes, I have had to learn a lot about that too. There's a reason they don't let new people learn how to do my job. I am frustrated that they won't reimburse me or give me a pay increase for getting a specialty certification for that so I'm not going to bother with that unless they change their mind. I don't know if I will get a raise at all this year.

Anyway, everything went pretty smoothly yesterday but I wish I wouldn't have had so much to do. I only took a 15 minute lunch because I was afraid I wasn't going to get everything done and I didn't want to have to stay late. I peel packed at least 100 instruments in 30 minutes. I was running the entire day until about 4. I sat down in the hallway until 4:30 when the last case got done. I was happy that there was a chair out there to sit on because I couldn't stand anymore. I got everything cleaned up and then I left.

I got home and I got ready for bed right away. I just had a boost for dinner and I know it wasn't enough. I was too weak to stop and get food or make myself anything. I still have food in the fridge luckily. I am going to try to eat more today.

I need to go run a couple errands soon before it gets too hot outside. I don't want to get up but I need my medication. I feel bad because my grandma wanted me to go with her to look at computers today but I don't feel up to it. I told her I would help her a couple weeks ago. I am going to look at them online later today to see if I can find one. I want to be able to set it up for her so she doesn't get a virus on it again or something. She is not very good with computers. She understands that I'm not feeling well.

I am going to get up and get ready now. I would be happy if I started feeling better later. I hope I can make it a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day too. 💖💖💖

[gamesbyalbie]

So, I started writing something this past week (inspired by DPR Ian's incredible music video for Don't Go Insane, and my feelings about [redacted]). This is all a work in progress and I'll be releasing it in sections. Anyways, here's the first part of...

The Cursed Journey

PART 1: PROXY

I don't sleep anymore. Anxiety and caffeine provide me with the energy I need to live and free up hours of otherwise wasted time. 

However—quite unfortunately—they've also stolen my ability to rest.

Most nights I lie in bed for 30-45 minutes but that's merely a formality, a tribute to a past life, a wish I'm certain will never come true. I get nothing from it—except for rare occasions where I stray close enough to dreaming to scrape up a bit of creative fodder—but it's one of the only things I do for myself.

Actually, it might be the only thing I do for myself.

It's not like I do it for long—I couldn't even if I wanted to (which I don't). It's just one half hour out of a full ass 24. Statistically, that shouldn't be the time when I get the most surprise calls. Yet, somehow...

"Fuck me. What now?" I growl, slapping my hand over my phone. It tumbles off the nightstand, because of course it does. A deeply dissatisfied groan rumbles out of my chest like distant thunder. Taking the sheets with me, I crawl halfway out of bed.

This is the third time this week. Who the fuck is it? I wonder, arms supporting my torso while my legs are still on the mattress, looking like I'm waiting for a wheelbarrow race to start. There's something degrading and weirdly primal about this position—stretching to reach my phone, grunting like an ape. I swear, if it's Michael, I'm going to—

The Ward

My blood runs cold. Shit. My arms start to shake. I slip down onto the floor and stare at my phone. It rings several more times before I finally gain the courage to answer. I press the button and a hologram of a woman's face appears. I recognize her and her bob vaguely—she has very distinctive bangs—but I can't remember her name. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm calling for Ody Specter."

I can't tell if she genuinely doesn't recognize me, if she's being polite and pretending, or if she's following some kind of script. Then again, maybe I just look like shit. "You've reached them." I lean against the sharp edge of my bed frame. The discomfort clears some of the fog from my mind.

"Hi. This is Kelly calling on behalf of the Writer's Ward. Are you sitting down? I'm sorry to say that I have bad news."

That's all you call with, I want to reply. Instead I say, "What is it?"

"It's—"

"Is it Min-joon?"

"Oh, uh, no." She stammers. With how surprised she looks, you'd think I'd just jumped out of a wardrobe wearing nothing but a jester's hat. Probably the script then. "No, um, Mr. Park is stable as far as I'm aware."

The weight crushing my ribcage shifts. Nothing's alleviated, but it changes in nature.

"It's actually Kim Ji-yeon." There's a pause. "Mx. Specter?" Silence. "Did... did the call freeze?"

My mouth hangs agape. Less than two hours ago I was venting my frustrations and fears to Ji-yeon. She was comforting me. My brain cannot process this information. How? How could she— 

"Ji-yeon, she... is she there?"

"She's in transit to the facility."

"What? Uh, when? When did this happen?"

"Around 15 minutes ago." Damn, they move fast. Not that I should be surprised. This is their sole purpose and there's been no shortage of practice. "She made an alarming call to her editor. By the time emergency services reached her apartment, she was unresponsive."

How did the curse get her? Ji-yeon was the best of us. Of the few remaining writers, I would've picked her as the most steady, the most consistent and confident. Hell, she has two new books slated to come out next week.

Maybe... did I not see it? Could I have done something? Was it obvious? Min-joon would have noticed. No, shut up.

"I see. Um..." I rub the back of my neck while trying to force my eyes to stay open. I need coffee asap. "Okay. You need me to come down?"

"Yes, she'd selected you as her proxy. We need you to sign the onboarding documents for her. I believe you're familiar with—"

"Yeah, I'm well-acquainted with the process." Kelly's still relatively new. I'm certain I've done this more times than her. "When do you need me there?" I glance at my watch. 03:17.

"The flight carrying her is set to arrive within the hour. Can you make it here by then?"

"Sure." My fingers pinch the bridge of my nose. I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting off an inevitable headache. "I'll be there in ten."

"Great. Thank you. So sorry to bother you, I know you're probably hard at work. I apologize if this is distracting or..." She probably means to say "puts you at risk" but she's smart enough to leave that unspoken.

"It's no problem. I'm," not happy. "I'm more than willing to do this for Ji-yeon. She would've done the same for me."

She literally would have. It occurs to me that I'll have to select a new proxy. Maybe I should just sign my own papers now. No, shut the fuck up. "Anyways," I tear my mind away from that disturbing thought. "I'll see you soon."

"Alright, see you. Thanks again."

End

My hand falls limply to the floor. The phone clatters onto the concrete. I allow myself a few seconds to stare into space, but I have no time to spare. That's more clear now than ever.

My knees crack as I rise to my feet. I'd been sitting weirdly at my desk all day. In general, yesterday was a bad day. I barely passed 15,000 words and Michael's already breathing down my neck. Almost a month has passed since my last big release. I've been worried, fearful that my well was drying up.

"You're too hard on yourself. Go to bed. Reset your brain."

Ji-yeon told me that. She's the reason I was in bed. Shit. She knew I was "asleep." Is that why she called her editor? Would she have called me if she—

I get dressed quickly. Forcing myself to stop thinking. Well, thinking about that. My mind turns to stories, to the words I'll have to write on the ride over, because I can't stop now. 

This... this can't happen to me.

I won't let it.

End of Part 1 of ? • NEXT PART

More Cursed Journey • More by Albie • Image Source

The amazing music video that inspired this:

[joqatana]

Today I

Upped the light therapy to 6 minutes

Did yoga.

Had someone come over to pick up a poster I’ve been holding for her for 12 years and did not bring up Them What Done Me Wrong

Have concrete proof facebook/insta/meta are hiding my posts.

The jellyfish:

Same 15 people who heart everything I post on instagram and only 2 non- followers. I used all appropriate tags.

Same 15 people on FB who heart everything I post hearted it. None of my other 700+ “friends”.

There are over 30 likes & reblogs on the tumblrvI posted it on. ONE mutual. You know who you are.

FIFTY LIKES & SHARES ON BLUESKY.

Having dental issues again & can’t find the notebook with the phone numbers that is supposed to be next to the bed so will start the fucking process over AGAIN.

Put away stuff. Found more stuff not to keep.

Remembered to go downstairs to produce pickup.

The AQI is slowly improving. Too slow to go walking. And it’s labor day so extra invasive bicyclists.

Bored.

An hour later. Oh. I never posted this.

Half an hour ago I found out how much noise a single 4 year old can make by avoiding the playground on the other side of the property because it’s better for the old people to hear running and screaming DIRECTLY OVER OUR HEADS

I was JUST getting to feel at small h home as long as I’m inside my fucking unsoundproof apartment because autism seems to have fallen off the Disabled list and I have no right to live in silence.

Fuck

8/31/23

[eleanor-speaks]

Thursday, August 10, 2023

It has been a couple of weeks since I updated. I am no longer on bedrest. Last Tuesday, the team met and medical agreed it was okay for me to go on full. That means that I can't leave the day room until it closes at 9:30 at night.

Currently, my schedule looks like this:

Nurses wake me up at 5:30, they let me into my bathroom so I can "empty" and then they wheel me in the wheelchair down to the nurses station for weights and vitals and any labs or tests that need to be done. They also flush my tube. Once they wheel me back, I do some reading until the psych tech gets to my room at 7:10 to give me my shower. They unlock the bathroom again, I have 15 minutes to shower and do everything I need to do in there, although sometimes, they give me 20 minutes since I'm the only one on supervised locked bathrooms right now.

Once I get done in the shower, the tech wheels me to the nurse's window so I can get my morning meds, vitamins, and first supervised fluid, and then they wheel me back to my room where I read a bit more before the nurses come in around 7:55 and hook me up to the pump. Then they wheel me down to the dining room where I sit in supportive dining. I have breakfast, or try to have breakfast. I'm on full portions of the smallest meal plan now. I also have to drink both of my fluids at meals, and if I finish my meal, I can have coffee. This morning, I had cheerios with milk, an orange, and almonds, two waters, and a black coffee meaning I finished breakfast this morning!

After breakfast, I get wheeled down to the day room where I sit on my sofa, my special spot with all of my stuff that I need for the day. There's a break before the first group at 9:10. And that's my morning routine.

Today's groups were Relapse Prevention, then I had a dietary session at 10:00, Mindfulness at 11:10, then there was lunch. Today I had tofurkey and cheese sandwich with mayonnaise and a salad with dressing. I wasn't able to finish it, so I had to have a Boost. I went with strawberry. After lunch was psych rounds and then nursing came in to give me my second round of supervised fluids. There's another break time there, so I worked on homework until the group at 3:10 which was connection and relationships. Normally I would go to student support to do school stuff, but since I'm on full and have a feeding tube, I'm not allowed to go.

After that group is the long break. Since I finished my homework, I decided to do some crocheting. I'm working on a blanket right now. While I was doing that, I hung out with the staff person and we chatted. She's very nice. I like her. Around 4:15, nursing came into check my vitals since I have to have them done at every shift change. Then the 5:00 group was examining perfectionism. After that is dinner.

Dinner tonight was wild rice with tofu, steamed carrots, butter, walnuts, and grapes with two waters. I had to have another Boost because I couldn't finish the rice and didn't use the butter. I went with vanilla tonight.

After dinner is the meal support group and then evening snack, which I have to have because of my blood sugar. You would think that the feeding tube would keep things normal, but I think medical is playing it safe. I also have to do a bedtime snack for the same reason. I don't know what's going on. Medical says it's reactive hypoglycemia or something like that. But for my evening snack, I had cheerios with yogurt. Then there was an evening process group at 8:30.

At 9:00, I played a game with staff until the room closed at 9:30. Then staff wheeled me down to the nurse's station where they unhooked the pump and flushed the tube. They also checked my vitals at that time and gave me my evening meds and third supervised fluid before wheeling me back to my room. Then one of the counselors came in to unlock my bathroom and let me get ready for bed. Then at 10:00, they wheeled me down for my bedtime snack. I had a strawberry bar with milk. I chatted a bit more with the staff person and then at 10:20, they wheeled me back to my room, and now here I am journaling about the day.

I really want to exercise, but with this stupid window in the room and my door having to be open and the bathroom locked, I'll get stopped. I'm going to try to sleep and hope that I don't freak out in the morning when I weigh in.

[saganandkatelynindc]

Bumps - part 2

July 20 continued...

After lunch - which must have had some toxin growing in Katelyn's portions - we headed to Arlington Cemetery. We had watched a couple of videos on the Old Guard, the Army unit that guards the Tomb of the Unknown. - We also discovered that of the more than 700 sentinels who have guarded the tomb - only 5 have been women. We learned about the requirements, the schedule and the process - so were were looking forward to watching the Changing of the Guard. No matter how many times you see it it truly is a sight to behold. You can imagine our excitement when we saw that the sentinel coming on duty was indeed a woman!

I was a bit disappointed with our trip to Arlington because when we arrived just before 3:00 we discovered that the Custis-Lee Mansion closed at 4:00 and the grounds at 4:30 - which meant there was no way we were going to see it, JFK's burial site and the Changing of the Guard - so the Mansion had to go. GGGRRRRRR!

Above we are at the Kennedy burial site with the eternal flame and the mansion behind us. That is as close as we got to the mansion, but the kids knew the history of the place and the land surrounding General Robert E. Lee's home. It is in the 90s, bright and sunny. PHEW!!

It was after we watched the Changing of the Guard that Katelyn started to feel bad. We were getting ready to look at some tombstones when I decided we were done. Her stomach was hurting and as soon as we got home, she piled into bed. Now, when this Energizer Bunny piles into bed in the middle of the day - I'm worried.

Our plans for the evening involved seeing Lion King at the Kennedy Center but I told Katelyn we would wait until about 15 minutes prior to our leaving time for her to give the "go/no go" decision - that is astronaut speak. When the time came, she picked "go." We changed our clothes and headed out. We took the Metro to Foggy Bottom and as we reached the top of the stairs and headed to the Kennedy Center van, she stopped and said - "Damma, I don't think I can do this." And the eruption began. I put Daphne and Sagan on the van and stayed with Katelyn (with all the supplies I had packed for just such an occasion.). But after that mess - she felt sooooo much better and wanted to push ahead. So, we also boarded the bus to Kennedy Center. By the time she got there - she had changed her mind. About 10 minutes after Lion King began, we called an Uber and headed home. She had a rough couple of hours but finally with her entire system clean, she slept and slept all night.

While we were home not having a grand ol' time - Sagan and Daphne were having a great time.

The play was great and the very happy patrons of the arts arrived "home" around 10:00 - glowing. Sagan first concern was for Katelyn and he asked about her immediately. Once I convinced him that she would be OK - he had much to tell me about the play and had trouble trying to tell me about everything without cracking up. Perfect. Daphne agreed that it was a wonderful night - for them...

I did NOT sleep well because I was so worried about Katelyn. But she was greatly improved the next day. She was sad to miss Lion King - so I ordered it up.

She took the morning off enjoying the animated version of Lion King.

Daphne and Sagan went out to visit Ford's Theater and learned about the Lincoln Assassination. (I gave Katelyn the Ford Theater talk using photos from the Internet and although it would have been better had she been there - she got the best next available thing.)

They also had lunch at Lincoln's Waffle House. (Yum?)

After a nice rest, the 4 of us headed to the Smithsonian Museum of American History. In preparation, I went carefully through the history of the War of 1812 and of Fort McHenry and why it was important. Using a map it was so easy to see WHY the Brits wanted it and why the US didn't want them to have it. THEN I went through the Star Spangled Banner poem line by line. (It was a poem LONG before it was a song.) What did each line mean? Did they really have rockets then? And more. The surprise for me was the the kids noticed the last line finished with a question mark. It is a question after all. The entire poem is just two questions. But - they argued - we most certainly do NOT sing it like that. True - then they both began singing ending the 4th and last line with a question. It was GREAT!!

O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light, What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming, Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight O’er the ramparts we watch’d were so gallantly streaming? And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there, O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Finally we saw The Star Spangled Banner. I kept telling them that this sucker was BIG - but they were still surprised. No pictures allowed so - Hello Internet. We also saw the rockets that gave a red glare and the bombs that burst in the night. It was a good experience.

We also saw the original Woolworth's Counter from Greensboro, NC where 4 young men,  Joseph McNeil, Franklin McCain, Ezell Blair Jr., and David Richmond, sat down to stand up. They changed the world.

Next, we visited the First Ladies area and then the exhibits about the Presidents. I was so surprised to have Barack and Michelle wish me a happy birthday!

We visited the hall of the Presidents and had some fun.

Don't they look perfect in that role?!?!?!

And that drained Katelyn's slow re-charge. We headed back. She is currently napping with the hope that she will be able to go on our Farewell Washington Tour tonight at 8:00. Fingers crossed!!!

[espies-galaxy]

Home Is Where You Make It

Dear World,

It almost feels shameful when all your friends are off to college at different universities or even the same one, yet they live in the dorms. Through Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, I get to see and hear about all the fun stuff they do and how close they get to new people, and I almost feel left out.

Now, do not get me wrong, I love living at home. I am a homebody; family is a huge part of my life. At the same time, I feel like I am missing out on some sort of experience. So it is a matter of weighing the pros and cons of living at home versus living on campus.

Pros, living at home means that I can have my bed. I do not have to share my bathroom with anyone unless my sister comes to visit, but since I grew up with her, there is a mutual understanding of bathroom rules. I do not have to pack up my room every break that comes during the school year. Some more pros: I get free living with my parents, I get free food with my parents, and I get to be around my dogs every day. Anytime I miss her, I get to go home; I do not have to wait until the weekend or the next break; I can just go home. I get to spend time with my family, learning to do normal adult things like grocery shopping at 8 a.m. because there are no people and fresh produce.

However, there are always cons.

Cons: I have a 15-20 minute drive to and from school every day, and that is only if I have to be at the school once... for class. But I do a lot of extracurricular around the campus besides class. I am one of the vice presidents of the Zeta Pi chapter of Alpha Sigma Alpha, I am a reporter for the school magazine, and I also work on campus.

That means I am spending my days starting at 8 or 9 in the morning until about 8 at night working and going to school and being an average college student. I get home at 9 sometimes.

For me, this is a massive con because even with study hours, my homework still needs to be completed. Despite the late hour, I still need to work out to maintain some sort of health and manage to get enough sleep so that I am not cranky the next day.

Not living on campus can take an hour, sometimes more, out of my day. People would say take on less, but that is the thing. My generation has so much to prove. I have to have work experience before I even graduate to be noticed in the application process. If I did not have to drive, I could do more.

I could also get the experience of living with people who did not raise me. It would be perfectly fine for me to get back to my room at midnight from the library. However, I would have to pay for housing and food and not have my bed.

But to be honest, I love living at home. I may not get the "ideal" college experience, but I get one with fewer loans and still getting to do everything I love and getting used to the idea of commuting because, let's face it, rarely will anyone live three minutes from work.

Sincerely,

The One Who Lives at Home (originally written by me on May 30, 2016)

[theeveningletter]

Tuesday, 01/10/2022, past 12 am

Last nights dream(s): I think I might’ve been an assistant of some sorts, like the way Sophie is for Howl. Again, I can’t remember much.

Where I went: I’m still at Sheridan Res, I went to school for class. From 8-11 am, I had painting with Gillian, from 11-2 I had Prof. studies with Lynn <3, and then I came back to Res for lunch. And from 3-6 I had a class with Marco.

What I ate: For a quick breakfast, I just had some water and my homemade Japanese milk bread. For lunch, I finished the rest of my milk bread, had leftover instant noodles, biryani, cookies, and a Vietnamese coffee. For dinner, Maddy and Lacie came over and we ordered Vietnamese food. I had a chicken curry.

What I did: I woke up at about 6:45 am, but stayed in bed until 7:30 am. I got ready and headed off to painting class for 8:00 am. Gillian talked so much. No offence. It was useful, but we only really got about 45 minutes to make progress on our 3 week painting. I should go over my work from that class. We were introduced to the semester-long assignment, and had a group where we chose our groups. We need to choose a theme. I’m with Sarah! And I finally met Erica, who I do in fact follow on Instagram. Sarah also gave me an adorable mug - it is a gingerbread AND it has a cookie holder. Amazing. Perfect for me. I gave her some homemade cookies. How perfect. How in sync. After, Sarah and I went to Lynn’s class for Professional Studies - the class that I miraculously got into. I’m so happy. But I hope that I can produce better work than I did last term. Like - even better. After Lynn’s lectures, I talked to Lynn!!! We caught up on how our breaks went. Her Barry little dog has infected anal glands. And one of them was surgically removed. Apparently it was a bit of a stressful break :( I told Lynn about my dog sitting experience. She said Cooper was cute hehe. She also talked to Sarah a bit! We all got to talk about Coop a bit. Since Lynn let us out about 50 minutes early from class, I got to have nearly a 2-hour lunch break from 1:15-3:00 pm. That’s when I ate, I listened to a Stephanie Soo video and some music. And then had Marco’s class. It’s pretty interesting. I sat with Chantal! I’m happy to see her - she’s so kind. I hope this is a good semester. During the break, Carrie and I saw a student in our class walking out crying while she had to tell Marco something :( I hope she’s okay. Marco’s class actually seems pretty cool. It’s more about research and ideation. I honestly love that part of the illustration-making process. I’m excited for this course. And we get to keep a journal! After class, I went back to Res and Carrie, Maddy, and Lacie came by and we had dinner together. Maddy ordered Uber eats on her phone this time and I realize I ordered something that was a bit more expensive than the rest of everyone but Maddy only said to give back $10, which is what everyone else gave :( I feel kind of bad. Some of our food spilled because the restaurant only gave us a few bags - the soup was leaking. Lacie fell off her chair. I hope she’s okay. After they left, Carrie and I had tea time. I used my new mug from Sarah! I hope it never breaks or gets lost. I love it. I took a shower. I want to dye my hair again.

Media: Absolutely nothing. Actually maybe Frank Ocean.

Things I worked on: Nothing. I just went to my different classes.

Grateful for: Maddy - again, I know I’m generally just very awkward, but I’m grateful she still talks to me and is just a nice person. Lacie - she’s so chill. Easy to talk to. I hope this semester goes well for her and that she has good luck. Carrie - just grateful for someone who feels like will be a lifelong friend. Always asking me to join her and her friends. Lovely person. Sarah - <3 Soulmate. Ily. I hope everything goes well. Chantal - she is always such a great person to talk to. So welcoming and makes you feel like there’s actually someone interested in you as a person. Lynn - what can I say. Lynn is so awesome. The first teacher here that I’ve felt comfortable enough to talk to and build a friendly relationship with. Love her.

Closing Thoughts: I’m tired. Been up for 18 hours. I found out Frank is performing for Coachella 2023. Maybe I will end up in California for my internship. I’ll do it. I have to. For me.

[nobody7102]

I’ve got Rhett brain, I blame @auroralightsthesky but anyways. If your comfy hcs about what it was like for Wifey and Rhett having the twins? Bc even though they’ve already had like 4 kiddos I feel like it’s just absolutely chaos

Yeah I thank @auroralightsthesky is the reason why I half the majority of the thoughts I do, so thanks bestie!

Honestly all of Wifey’s pregnancies were chaotic, first pregnancy the easiest out of all, second time around hardest one to date: bedridden the entire time, third pregnancy was just nausea and headaches, fourth time was the same as the third

So imagine Wifey and Rhetts surprise when they first learned they were adding another Abbott to the family, and nothing had gone wrong, everything as close to the book normal

And let me tell you how absolutely floored they were when they learned everything in the pregnancy was going just fine AND they were having twins?!

It was a normal day, the first light snow of the season has fallen, covering everything in a thin layer of frost

Wifey was just out for a walk, all bundled up while Rhett, Royal, and Perry were out working in the fields, when Hannah asks for some help with the skunks

And who is wifey to say no, bc animal lover like all of her children. So she goes into the barn to help Hannah add blankets to the nest, as she goes to stand she paused and let out a shakey breath

“Ma?” Hannah was immediately at her mother side, but she just cracks a smile and waves it off “I’m fine” and goes to stand again but another shakey breath let’s out before she felt that familiar pop.

“Hey Hannah Banana..” she hummed, trying to sound as calm as possible “I need you to go get Nana”

Hannah listens rushing into the house yelling for Cecilia before the two of them are immediately back out to Wifey who’s already start to feel the connections, having done this whole process four times already she’s pretty in tune with the whole process so her body’s like ready to go.

“Cece, this is happening… like now” she chuckled gripping onto Cece’s shoulder as they wonder back into the house. Cece brings Y/N into the living room before calling Rhett

Boy was that I fun phone call “hey Ma… what….. right- right now? I’m in the middle of the fucking pasture…. Okay…. Yeah” before he drops his tools and runs over to his horse and just takes off leaving Royal and Rhett very confused

Back at the house Cece’s trying to get Y/N into the truck but it’s not going to well “Cece I’ve done this four times.” She groans, leaning over the armrest of the couch “We get in the truck and it’s a half hour drive into town, then another twenty to the hospital” she shook her head “I don’t have that time and these boys are just like their father… no patience”

Rhett makes it to the house in record time and joins Cece in trying to get Y/N into the truck. To which she shakes her head and starts heading up the stairs. Rhett looks between the Stairs and Cece before letting out a groan “Ma do you wanna go help her? I’ll be there in a minute” Cece just nodded and followed Y/N

“Amy!” He called before the girl came in from somewhere in the house “I’m gonna go set up the projector in the barn, okay? I want you to take your cousins out there and watch movies. I don’t care what movies I just need you to keep them all out of the house” he grabbed a few bed sheets and the aforementioned projector and when to the barn being met with Rhett and Perry halfway there

He hands them the sheets and projector “you two, set up a movie theater thing for the kids, Y/N’s in labor. I don’t care what they do, or what they watch just keep them out of the fucking house.”

Wifey man she’s one tough bitch man, because these twins put her through the ringer. We’re talking 15 hour labor(it’s what my mom had to go through with me and my twin 😝) so technically they could have made it to the hospital

At 5:30 AM as the sun started to rise Harvey Dorian Abbott came screaming into the world, his brother however. Stubborn like his father, and at 5:45 AM Franklin Malcolm Abbott joined his brother just as the morning sun hit its peak