#bc otherwise it fucks up my bad endings
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gritting my teeth I have tried to get zen's bad story end 3 THREE FUCKING TIMES AND I JUST MESSED IT UP AGAINN
#i think i have to restart completely from day 5 because i got too many hearts from seven for the game to allow me to fail#GRRR I WANT IT#IM SO CLOSE I CAN TASTE IT#bad end 3 and then normal end and then good end and then i can do it all again with yoosung lmao#i will say tho: i took a 2 day break in between bad rel 2 and starting bad end 3 and I literally thought to myself at one point#''i miss zen :('' i am not immune to anime boys saying nice things to me#anyways. grrrr at least I know now that i should WAIT to 100% everything until the very fucking end#bc otherwise it fucks up my bad endings#i know zen's route up down and sideways but yoosungs will be much more methodical#*shakes fist at god*
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FINALLY I DRAW SOMETHING!!!!!!!
some Joseph, both young (around 1980 i'd say, when he was traveling w Stan a few years before the portal incident) and old (~2017, now an art teacher at Westchester High). i like to think the first one is a picture Stan took of him while they were traveling and the second one is his staff photo at WH. the more things change the more they stay the same. i might give em backgrounds and foregrounds to look like that
he's had that jacket since the 70s. real leather will last you.
no glasses alts + the first sketch below
#[holding him in my hands like a tiny baby bird]#idk if hes hiding something on his neck. he might be. those neck covers just happened. probably less embarrassing than Ford's tattoos thoug#also im not super interested in “what if Stan had a romance partner who helped him run the shack” type Stan/oc buuuuuuuut#unfortunately i am not immune to old man yaoi and have been thinking “ok BUT what if Jojo helped Stan run the shack” during this rewatch#i think theyre not super open about their relationship so Dipper & Mabel have no idea until the manotaur ep when Mabel realizes “woah......#“Grunkle Stan do you have a crush on Grunkle Jojo???”#[Joseph so called Grunkle Jojo bc “we've known each other long enough hes basically family”]#anyway Mabel tries to “fix Stan up” to help him ask him out & Jojo is fully aware its happening and says nothing bc Funny#they do tell her and Dipper at the end of the day bc since she went through all that trouble trying to set em up they should know#plus kids these days tend to be a lot nicer about gay people sometimes#also good: Jojo giving Stan A Look every time he's shitty or sexist but otherwise not caring about any other morally dubious/bad thing#like Jojo can excuse regular tax fraud/stealing/scamming people but he draws the line at almost getting Waddles eaten by a dinosaur#hes the worlds most “not my circus not my monkeys” moral compass#hes said that before. and Dipper points out that it IS his circus bc he helps run the shack#to which he responds “hah. yeah :)” bc he helps do the fraud and scams <3#fuck i have to draw that as a comic or fake screenshots or something#anyway im not planning on focusing on a Mr's Mysteries AU but i may talk about it occasionally#ANYWAY ANYWAY i wanna talk about him i love talking about him send some asks let me talk about him <3#oc: Joseph van Dyke
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Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed
#god I hate it here#not to mention you mother and father#SEEING this#simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead#like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀#I don’t know how to fix this#I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days#but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive#Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭#it’s so bad though#I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress#and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc.#it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me#sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong.#Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong#but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me#My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents#but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department#I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really#I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪#As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷♂️#I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you.#seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind#if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps#but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now.#anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize#it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys#I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno#tw vent#tw mention of abuse
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many of you may be unaware that i have been going cazyyyy over herobrine qnd mc lore in general recently. im in my beautiful world
#the like 2 ppl who follow me on bluesky and the same 2 ppl who follow my gaming blog LOL#but ouygghhhh oughh#life is so beautifklll. steve and alex ARGHHHHHH#in my minddddd ok um. im gonna make a proper post for my hcs for them soonish hopefully#but in my mind. steve is like very anxious and realllyy rwlly struggles around most ppl#he grew up in a veryyy small community and didnt rlly fit in well so he left#he has dissociative amnesia and has ptsd from seeinh someone (maybe his parents) die to mobs as a child#he is kinda alright at building simple stuff but not very fancy. r/malelivingspace#he struggles to kill monsters cus of his trauma and to kill animals bc he feels bad. lol#he has a little farm of chickens for eggs. and mostly livess off those and bread#hes not veggie he just cant kill them himself. he later gets hero/alex to get meat instead#ummm i think he wld enjoy cooking nice stuff and likes to decorate the house nicely. but struggles to do it for himself#so only once the other two come along#alex comes from a family of hunters. so she is rlly nifty w a bow and able to fare slightly better in combat#she has a huge interest in the ancient miners and their history. big collector of books and maps etc#she makes redstone things from old blueprints she finds but otherwise isnt great at it#she is audhd. actually teah all of them r autistic btwwww.#she is not great at building cus she moved around a lot. and finds mining boringggg#but it works nicely cus steve collects a load of ore. and then she uses it to trade etc#she is much better at talking to others (as in… it doenst make her feel sick likw w steve)#so whenever they go to villages she does all the talking. and often tries to barter too (mostly unsuccessfully)#she ends up staying w steve after some sort of incident where her family/community die too LOL#i shld say that ummm. families in mc r not like in real life. so in the case of steve and alex they were not directlyraised by their parents#this is mostly due to how often ppl outside of villages die. its easier to not focus so much on blood relation#herobrine. is originally ender. and ends up in the overworld during the time of the ancients#long story short he plays a big part in the rise and fall of the civilisation. and then goes into hiding#he can come across as rather formal and old fashioned sometimes due to his history#but he has also been sitting around doing fuck all for thousands of yrs. so he is always up for whtever steve and alex r doing#he doesnt talk aloud too much and when he does its very stilted. he finds telepathy slightly easier#UM he is great at building. and redstone and brewing. i ran out of tags Okay thats it
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Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
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my god lingsha's design is so ass. my god
#personal stuff#seraph plays star rail#main takeaways from this quest r designs i'm not a fan of. and weird fucking dialogue#what the hell was march talking about with that giant mech line. i have literally no idea what she was referring to#also yanqing going ''oh i forgot to ask yunli to return my sword'' ?? he did. he literally did. it didn't end well but he didn't Forget. wh#also like. maybe i'm just petty but the facial expressions in conversation#you guys can't have this serious conversation return to a more solemn default expression?#why are you guys smiling talking abt tingyun's ship crashing and everyone dying. come on#but god yeah lingsha's design is just not hitting for me. i wanted to be excited since she's based off of nuwa but like goddddddd#it's bad. the situation is dire.#also having a literal Snake abundance character who has an interest in the arbor. they're like okay we didn't set up tingyun well enough#let's try this shit again.#i guess?? otherwise why make her Like That and crank that shit up to an eleven#okay i am enjoying feixiao's design a bit more#but like my god. some weird lines from her for real#the whole ''yeah i made up a new title for myself'' just felt so cringe. maybe bc i'd already seen the line and didn't need to see it twice#also yeaaah let's repeat my backstory dramatically to these two people who already know me. ??#okay ruan mei is resurrecting tingyun i guess. cool#thinks mournfully about gallagher and misha.#but yeah i AM enjoying the yanqing moments. he's my little guy#also huaiyan's big anime sparkle eyes are very funny to me.#OKAY OKAY. second half of this quest was quite good.#i liked the little expedition w yanqing yunli and march. good setup of tension#and then everything from there to the end i enjoyed. i liked seeing hanya and xueyi again even if the circumstances were. well#and dan heng's interactions w the trailblazer in the shackling prison waa. waaaaaa.
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something something growing up poor something something cosplay and crafting being expensive and also high-risk when you start out something something the thought of messing up and wasting money almost makes the entire process not worth it something something
#beating my anxiety with a broom right now#this has been such a bad 24 hours 😝 but leave it to sarah to not get her costume together until the last week ❣️#and then be evil + have a breakdown about it bc she's rushing. and be very grouchy and stubborn#this happens with everything everytime. in this situation i will be in trouble if i mess things up. but OTHERWISE generally speaking it is#Not!!! The End of the World!!! if things go awry.. did you waste money maybe. however you can recycle your fuck ups into other things#but. grrrrr wasted money and wasted time are my two biggest enemies. the motivation annihilators if you will#head in the hands. i really don't know why i didnt begin this stuff when my character was approved#it was deeply unwise to start working on everything fr now. 😞#at least everyone is going to bed so they won't be near me. want to deck myself in the face and shut up when im in these moods it is so#annoying. grrrrrrrrrrrr#fingers crossed this goes well bc otherwise im reordering the dress and trying again 🤪🤪😔 which is not the end of the world but. it's#expensive :(#sriracha.txt
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Kick my ass if I don't put out Vepar content
#I'd tell her to kick my ass but that's not gonna end well#ramblings //#It's. Absolutely just past the winter solstice isn't it fucking hell. Lev's energy is absolutely about to start swinging towards her#''I'm not getting involved'' he says YOU ARE INVOLVED. IT'S YOU.#I'm still shocked given how neutral/negative Lev is on goetia stuff that she's like YES I'M VEPAR#Then again. I mean. I'm convinced she's the one Kos is based off lbr the issue lev (and I) have w the goetia is basically ''it's bad#stereotypes it's a bunch of royals under Spirit Racist presumptions and caricatures and shit'' but like. Tbf#It's probably bc who the fuck fucks w Vepar but like. Idk her goetic caricature is still v much a caricature and only highlights a fraction#of who she is but also. Boat Sinker. Storm Generator.#I wshdgha was gonna say I don't really know much about her goetia shit but she followed that up v quickly with (roughly#translated form energy to English) ''yeah keep it that way your headcanons are gonna be better than the canon''#Red Sky //#I haven't really talked to Lev about this but from what I've gathered the names are like. Roughly. translated. ugh. Roughly pulled through#the veil terminology/words - it's really... The feeling I get is it's very dreamlike to the point it's hard to tell what the inspiration#for some like if it's multiple things channelled together or what but some names are pretty close to words down there#and I'm presuming Vepar is pretty close to Something. Bc I feel like otherwise she wouldn't be very much Called#as soon as I say that name
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played 8 consecutive hours of elden ring this afternoon/evening and forgot to eat dinner.... 🫠
#oops#well i still have bad cramps and bloating so maybe its for the best. im too tired to eat now#i feel soooo terrible. i dont think its from the gaming tho i was playing to distract myself from feeling terrible in the first place#but no such luck. well its better than spending all day ruminating anyway#i need to do laundry and food shop tomorrow and ill take the day off ER entirely otherwise ill end up playing another 8 hrs 💀#i got my meds today too but im not gonna start them until my period fucking starts and ends bc i cant handle both at once#plus itll be good if i can start them later this week so if it fucks my sleep at least i wont have to go into work multiple days in a row#while exhausted etc. mannn.#i really really hope i sleep better tonight this whole last week its been so disturbed and im so tired :-(#and so saaaaaad. and lonely but not really in a way that being around ppl helps.. i just want a longass hug 💔#ive done so well this week mentally but it takes so much out of me staying on top of it#anyway.. to bed to bed to bed#.diaries
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My Christmas wish is to finish all my pertinent wips 🙏
#at least the ones w multiple parts please...#the one i think i will finish#and it def helps that ive already finished the one bcs then im like fuck i reallt have to finish the others#but there's this one 3 part wip thats been sitting there for over 2 months wahhh#i want that one to be finished so bad. oh chair wip you are so important to me <3#its annoying that the ones i send to people to ask abt are the ones that never get finished#otherwise i just end up hunkering down and drawimf for six hours straight#amd being like boom hey here's this btw#but anything i consider for too long will almost never get finished#i miss you original boy king portrait </3#<- one day ill actually paint smth w them together#two person drawings are a struggle 😭#the one wip i finished recently(but cant post yet) is 2 people yet the 2 people aspect wasnt too bad tbh#i think the angles killed me enough that i didnt care too much#but a lot of it is trying to figure out how two bodies interact ig which is difficult to me#i like making my own ref like thats the easiest to look at generally#and um im not two people. unfortunately :(#ig this recent one wasnt too bad cause im following a direct ref so !#but others its like. i cant eveh ask anyone to try and replicate it with me bcs um. yeah 🫠#welp anyways maybe ill finish my one thing before the new year! thats what i rly want >:)#catie.rambling.txt
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...
#this just in: local algae enthusiast shocked to find that u feel bad when u dont take care of yourself >:-[#this is bullshit. i am rattling the bars of my cage and also i am standing outside the door with the key#what do u mean i cant not sleep enough. intensely focus for 6.5hrs nonstop and have to take care of additional stuff floating around.#and then spend all my time agonizing over not being productive enough?#ugh. its exhausting. and its one thing to live like this and love what ur doing. its another when u dont fucking care so all ur time feels#empty and pointless bc all u do is work. bleh i just wanna draw all the time but coloring takes so much time when u wanna make complicated#things :-( so its like draw something new or spend 3hrs coloring and i hate coloring :-P#its also frustrating bc when i read papers associated with the work ill be doing in the fall i actually enjoy it#and thats what i wanna do in my free time but that space is so limited bc working takes up all the space#and drawing takes a lot of time. but hey i can cut out more space by not taking care of myself ���#ugh. dont b like me. draw a healthy line between academia and life#otherwise its like yay reviewers have approved ur 1st authored paper and im like i could not even begin to care#light all my data on fire for all i care. i would feel nothing#and im not gonna rake od measurements today. fuck u. im tired and if i accidentally killed a culture ill be sad#ugh. but i should. but i have to do some coding before the end of the day and i cant if i have to spend another hr here 😫#ugh. just a few more months#unrelated
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SCREAMING RN Worst night of my life
I was successful for almost 2 years from prevening my brain from being a piece of shit and splitting but I guess this weekend we're getting 2 fictives because Fuck me Ig
Tbh could care less about Shadow bc yk what he's fine. I don't have to worry about his ass being feral and being completely reckless
Spamton Fucking NEO on the other hand I- I hate this I hate everything rn I wish system hoping was real GET ME OUT OF HERE
#❄️ You guys have absolutely no idea how hard I've been fighting not to split into that bastard ever since chapter 2 came out#And to fucking top off the cake. There's a secret 3rd alter I've also been trying to sweep under the carpet#Also#Apparently the Ad fucker has absolutely no idea how to properly control the body this is an absolute nightmare#otherwise he seems nice actually#I don't wanto be mean right off the bad I just hate this whole process#Literally all day has been nothing but me and him blurring together on and off till now and it's horrible#With Shadow it was completely fine. Just showed up and immediately made his presence known#Aka by insulting my skating skills out on the rink bc I couldn't stop overthinking e v e r y t h i n g#God ok ok ok#I'm done venting now#system shenanigans#I'm going to cry if we end up getting a Kris fictive tomorrow I cannot just keep splitting PLEASE#I don't Wanna be a poly system I don't think I can even keep up with 30+ alters#I am already struggling with more than 25#Help
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One thing you need to know about me is that I will never reblog anything that has the addition "this should be reblogged by everyone" or anything of the like.
#unless it's like#really funny and not a guilt trippy kind of bullshit#i can agree 130% with a post and then see that comment and I'm like#yeah no. go fuck yourself.#(this point has been made so many times but people don't get why it's annoying apparently. people don't dislike your stupid addition#because they secretly disagree with the post but because now it seems like some weird social obligation to rb is#rb this or you're a bad person is a clever marketing strategy but it's quite stupid because it weakens the original point#oh you're saying everyone should rb this? well now it looks like the ppl rbing actually just do it out of some feeling#of social obligation. not because they really want to but because they want to fulfill the arbitrary standards you just made up for being#a good person#and don't get me wrong most certainly are most people rb these posts still out of agreement with the original statement#but it's still annoying as fuck and also you'd think ppl would know by now that people don't generally like being told what to do#so my hypothesis is (and i won't do any research to prove or disprove it (i might be very wrong and most people don't mind obviously)) bjt#but my hypothesis is that people who originally agree with the post but have a strong desire of being free in their choices#won't actually end up rbing bc it's just not that free of a choice anymore bc you just had to make it 'obligatory' but we all know#nothing is obligatory on a stupid webbed site like this so they scroll past while people who maybe would have scrolled past now feel#like they might actually be a bad person if they don't do as it says but without actually caring about the content. which diminishes#the positivity the post originally was supposed to spread bc how do you tell ppl actually mean it now when they rb these things#anyway. am i ranting about something completely asinine phenomenon on tumblr.com? yes.#would it be better to not dedicate my time and energy into making a 'hate' post? absolutely. but that will never stop me from doing so#(also works for things like 'you guys HAVE to do xyz [for your (mental) health/etc]'. literally the best advice phrased like this#is counterproductive. post something that doesn't sound like you're judging everyone who does otherwise and maybe ppl will be more inclined#to believe whatever your point or statement is)#ok I'll stop#shut up amy#void screams
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yknow, i find it kinda innacurate when people portray bryce as kinda really angry all the time? i think hes easier to irritate, but he doesnt actually strike me as an angry person. hes angry a lot in the series yeah, but these are very obviously when 1. he has been kidnapped and 2. he is being kinda forcefully reminded of being kidnapped. like i think that these are reasonable times to be snappy and angry. i and really, i think airy pisses him off, but i think liam pisses him off less than the fact that what he went through was Real and liam was just serving to enforce it, which was Hard to handle.
overall, hes actually one of the more socially skilled characters! he thinks fast when talking to oscar and is able to act normal AND kind to him. when amelia is unhappy about not being eliminated AND when liam is still Recovering from the events of ep 6, hes actually pretty well-spoken. in the opening of ep 7, he handles everything being fucked over by his boss VERY quietly (until hes by himself). overall i think he has MANY issues but being angry at people isnt really one of them, hes generally really good at managing things in social settings!
all of this post was a buildup though, to the POINT of this post, which is less analytical and more just what i think: once they get home, bryce and charlotte ARE friends but she is INCREDIBLE at pissing him off. she says anything and he has to go into another room to calm down
#hfjone#like look ok. bryce IS more irritable than like liam or amelia but he is not as Angry as ppl write him sometimes#and i also think post one hes even more mellow? i have my own ideas of how the characters are changed by everything bc thats pretty common#and i think hes more . idk patient? liek where before it was more social based now he like. is more patient w others#(i also just think bryce says things that SOUND mean so ppl who watch one THINK hes mean)#tho i think he is the type to say Mean things when arguing bc its his best footing in an argument#as evidenced w like... his arguments w liam#liam ALSO has a few low blows but i think theyre meant to point out where liam sees irrationality#whereas bryces have more to do w 'guhhh LISTEN TO ME... [says smth mean bc people dont LISTEN otherwise]'#AND? i think charlotte ALSO mellows out more post one#what w the likely realization that her friends were genuinely TRYING to look out for her bc they cared ab HER#and that now she also has Others that have her back very obviously#AND and the fact that she ended up in a position where she was the only one willing to pt out how fucked up the plane was after so long#point is that charlotte and bryce are both more chill post one bc it was Bad and they have New problems bc of it#but it did present them w smth that contradicted or fought against their previous sources of unhappiness#but also if u put them in a room together. they care abt each other soooo much but theres also a 50% chance#that charlotte pisses him off. another 50% chance that its intentional#(not in a mean way. theyre just like that w each other)#anyway i have no clue if this makes sense. its just been on my mind#ALSO prob gonna talk abt amelia suuuuper soon after this#sorry for clogging the tag i just rewatched one and have SOOO many thoughts
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.
Ignore
#delete later#im so exhausted and stressed. theres such a lack of stability and its freaking me out SO much. im just constantly tense and waiting#for something terrible to happen. im starting to think that im not gonna get to go to the entomology thing ive been hoping#how i can't do things independently and i must have been forced into this abd rhen it'll get cruel towards my friends abd i cant#and my aunt is getting worse abd my parents are waiting for me to fail abd have to move bsck with them which i can't do bc#to go to for months bc ill probably need to use that time off for preparing to move. which sucks. ive been looking forward to it#i was letting myself get my hopes up and that was a mistake bc now im rly disappointed. im hoping i can go but honestly#idk if it'd be financially responsible. same with comic con. its in october so i can probably go but it might not be a financially#good idea. it just. the things i was counting on to be stable sources of joy are not stable anymore and that's making everything worse#and im tryinh to be positive but im so anxious. theres just so much. i need to think about packing and try to figure out#how im going to move 1-2 hours away. how am i going to coordinate with movers whilst having to get the train to meet them#im disabled and cabt help move things so only getting one person ro deliver worries me. movers arent insured to take ppl with them#theres just SO MUCH. And i can't view properties easily bc of work so im missing out on multiple places that ive been contacting#ppl about abd i couldnt line up enough for last week when i was off bc it was too short notice and i just. its TOO MUCH TOO MUCH#im overwhelmed. im trying to think of the food im gonna cook when im there ahd the armchair im gonna buy#im gonna eat so much fucking lamb and fish oh ny god im excited for THAT#i wany to just go for the shittiest place to at least have some stability and bc i still have yhat kernel of thought that i dont#deserve comfort but im trying to fight it bc i do. i deserve somewhere nice and its unfair on myself not to find somewhere nice#especially as ill be living alone. i cant go for places that have no natural light or are four stories up or are a mile away from the train#station bc that will wreck my mental health and i wont have ready access to socialising that can stabilise me. gotta be fair#to myself. but THATS PROVING REAL DIFFICULT#im doing good saving though so thats nice i guess. fuck me moving is expensive. moving when you've got zero kitchen supplies is#even more so. gonna be an Interesting first couple days in the new place.#it will be. very bad. they keep texting me asking about it and i have to be positive bc otherwise itll become a conversation about#field all that shit when im like this. i just cant. that requires so much fucking energy i dont have. and i wont move back#id frankly rather die. and trying to not say that and decline politely sucks. bc they get the look of#oh we're not good enough huh#and i can't field their fucking feelings. i either need a pause button or a fast forward. id take either one#so many of these tags ended up out of order whoops. but these arent meant to be read anyway#i just need to scream bc idk what else to do
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#vent#delete later#ngl I was trying to keep it in but that shit literally ruined my fucking day#should I kms#why does everyone think I’m a terrible person?#what did I do to deserve this?#I can’t do anything without someone deciding I suck bc of it#twt is down rn otherwise this would go on priv sorry I need to express this somewhere#I should kms#I’m sick of being painted as this terrible evil person just bc I experience human emotions#I should do it#but what should I try this time#I don’t want to deal with the itching if I fuck up the preferred method#I wonder if my emergency rope is still around it’s been a while since I’ve considered it#I must be a bad person#I kinda was thinking about trying to make friends with a mutual or two but#I’m not good enough everyone just ends up hating me#I don’t deserve anything#I must be doing something wrong#kill me and make it stop#I am the worst person alive#I am so unhappy#Haha I’m starting to get paranoid now#I need to blow my brains out#the gun shouldn’t have been empty last time I was sabotaged#this emptiness is unbearable make it end
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