#bc it’s the side effect of this new antidepressant i’m on

[skeletonwhtvr]

taking my panic attack preventative meds with a monster energy zero ultra ana brain is real sometimes

[jazzums]

talked to my doctor finally

for the blood sugar thing she was like just eat something every three hours and i was floored like it’s literally that simple. she said, and i quote, “you don’t even have a LITTLE diabetes” and that’s the funniest thing a doctor has ever said to me. i really like her

for cholesterol i’m gonna start a hydrophilic statin. anytime i start a new medication that isn’t for mental health i get nervous bc i’m used to the side effects of antidepressants, anxiety meds, antipsychotics, etc. there are very scary side effects when taking statins but i’mma at least give it a shot

we are doubling my zoloft. i asked her if the side effects would return when upping the dose and she was like nah, so hopefully i chill tf out. worst side effects were SHITS and sexual, but they evened out after about a month 🤷‍♀️

i’m also, somehow, STILL steadily losing weight. idk how or why. i haven’t been this weight since 2019… literally lost 45lbs since i stopped drinking. idk man. i hope the dress i bought for my friend’s wedding will fit by then

[100493503004422]

I’m sorry what meds are these for anxiety that sounds great

buspirone. but it was trial and error, I went through three ssris over the course of a year before I got a new psych who put me on this after I told him I was apprehensive after all the side effects I had on antidepressants. I think no one offered it to me before bc my psych resident friend told me they don't usually put you on buspirone until you "fail" ssris

[vanillaposting]

i’m on new antidepressants and they’re making me so hungry i feel fucking insane bc my doctor said it’s not a reported side effect

[prettybbychim]

i’ll be starting a new adhd med tomorrow and i’m Nervous

if it impacts my writing at all, man i might just stop it

writing is the only thing keeping me going. i’ve finally found enjoyment in it again and i will never emotionally recover if my medication impacts it again

i got off 50 billion anti-depressants and it’s back. i was incapable of writing bc i was so doped out of my mind, stripped of the emotions i need to create. i don’t want to lose it again

i will deal with my adhd symptoms no matter how severe as long as i can keep writing. i’ll just have to work extra hard on navigating life w it and coping and all that fun stuff

i am still depressed. they still recommend i get on an antidepressant but no fuck that. i am depressed but i am having fun for the first time in so many years, i’m genuinely enjoying something.

i’m still depressed but i think it’s all environmental honestly. i’m okay when i leave for my overnight jobs and am gone for a week+. i come back home and i can’t cook, i can’t sleep, i oversleep, i can’t shower, i’m not hungry, my anxiety is through the roof, i’m constantly irritable. when i’m gone, i cook, clean, shower, have a normal sleep schedule, i (attempt to) feed myself properly.

the meds don’t work when it’s not a chemical imbalance lmao they just numb me up and then i’m still depressed bc the environmental factors haven’t changed at all

plus my body tends to react more negatively to medications than what should be normal. if there’s a common side effect, i’m getting it. if there’s a 0.5% chance of a side effect, i’m going to get it. the benefits never outweigh the side effects

so yeah fuck that i would like to have some semblance of joy in my life thank u

[catboydan]

💭 (tw food, weight, medication)

[that-cheer-up-anon]

Back from doctors

A lot of crying. Gonna be trying out new medication soon. Hope it’s cheap bc I am BROKE.

[endivinity]

bunch a crap

first off the adhd clinic i contacted isn’t accepting new clients until november of next entire year. 2023. rest in pieces i probably need to do a skype call with the auckland office second is like. my memory is slowly degrading. its always been kinda shit hence the, need to get an adhd diagnosis among other things, and it’s not debilitating levels or anything but it’s so frustrating and upsetting bc i KNOW i used to be better. I’m pretty sure the antidepressants i was on a couple years back did permanent damage on top of all the side effects i shouldn’t have gotten, bc i felt it at the time that it did something weird to my short term memory and vocabulary. since cutting em cold turkey actively made me better (FUCK you fluoxetine), i thought maybe everything would balance out, and everything did except for the memory trouble. i feel like i’m full of holes. i can’t remember why i go into a room even several attempts in a row, i blank on words even as i’m saying them, i do things in the wrong order every single morning. it’s p minor overall and not affecting my ability to live but it’s still so unpleasant to live through and acknowledge i genuinely.... do not know what to do. i’m pretty sure i’m fucked. even if it wasnt the fluox it’s not good :x

[footballffbarbiex]

is it new medication? bc that takes a bit of time getting used to and I'm sorry about that, side effects suck! but if it's not and you're struggling, maybe you should talk to a doctor and ask for a change? idk if that's possible or doable, but I hope it is!

dw about spamming, I'm sure everyone gets it and personally I don't get bothered by someone just enjoying their blogs!

I'll be fine, my anxiety medication is giving me bad headaches so I'm just hoping my body will get used to it soon enough x

It’s not but it’s a higher dosage. I’d been stuck on 50mg for well over a year bc the “doctor” told me to take them as and when (like a damn headache tablet) which is absolutely not how antidepressants work.

But I’d never been upped. Then in may I had an almighty breakdown (and this was before everything else) and I finally got put on a higher dosage which now seems to be working. I’d gradually worked up to it because it made me nauseous.

It’ll feel as though it’s worked it’s way into my system and then it kicks my ass again. I’ve just finished my period too so I guess my hormones are everywhere from that as well.

Oh man :( I’m sorry. Anxiety is awful but I’m happy that you’re getting the help that you need! It’s such an important step and I feel proud of you. Headaches are terrible though. How long have they lasted?

Thank you! I usually feel bad about posting but then I see other blogs posting one after the other, with some hitting post blocks and I feel less guilty 😅

[nxmeless-crybxby17]

a journal entry ig?

(tw: lots of depressed + angry thoughts, hopelessness, ed things, discussing meds + neglectful adults)

recently i got put on antidepressants that are also supposed to be helpful for anxiety + eds but since it’s only the first week i’m only really experiencing side effects. so far i’ve had some heat/cold flashes, migraines, increased tiredness (literally have started falling asleep early + actually sleeping through the night bc of these meds, still wake up tired but yk), have almost passed out on the street, etc.

starting on medication is something i’ve been wanting to do for YEARS but was too afraid to ask for so you’d think i’d be happy about it, but i’m not. i feel so fucking angry at the system for taking SO LONG to do literally anything at all to help. ironically, antidepressants can make you more depressed and anxious than you already are for the first few weeks so i don’t understand why they had to wait until i was at rock bottom if they were going to give me something that could potentially make me feel even worse.

my homeroom teacher made me talk about it and when i voiced my frustration and talked about how i wish the school had done more sooner, she said i should just be grateful about the fact that i’m taking meds now. i understand where she’s coming from BUT literally all of this could’ve been avoided if it weren’t for every single fucking adult in my life failing to recognize the fact that something isn’t right with me + my parents.

i have a tendency to spiral into a loop of the same, suffocating thoughts every day when the depression hits, but today some new ones actually came up so that’s cool (even though they’ve just made me more upset). i’m always adapting. i’m always the one tailoring myself and my personality to fit the situation. WHY is it always me? why am i the one who’s taking meds and being told i need to develop better methods to cope with school, home life, society, etc.? am i really that much of a problem? how is it fair that my parents get to do what they do and school gets to terrorize students with massive amounts of meaningless assignments, but IM the one who has to change for simply being affected by being forced to exist in this environment? for once, it’d be nice if the situation could be what changed. of course i’d change along with it, but how am i supposed to get better when everything that has led me to this breaking point is still here, suffocating me?

the psychologists i’ve been to keep telling me that it’s great that i’m going to therapy and that i’m there bc i want to get better, but it’s not true. i don’t WANT to not have an ed. i don’t WANT to not be anxious and depressed. honestly, i only started going for the validation (which is great since it’s been about two years now and i still have yet to receive any). the problem with the people who’ve had perfect childhoods is that so few of them are capable of understanding that their reality is not the same one all of us have lived. the fact that not everyone shares their experiences doesn’t mean one is exaggerating or making things up. it’s fucking exhausting to just have to sit there and listen to someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about tell me how i should just try to be more open with my parents or whatever the fuck for the nth time. i’m fully aware that it is my responsibility to heal so i don’t hurt people just bc i was hurt, but why am i taking the fall for things i had no part in? it’s not MY fault my parents have done irreparable damage to our relationship, why must i be all willing to forgive and begging for their attention bc they “care” about me and “tried their best”? since when do i not get to decide who i allow into certain parts of my life? it’s not like they got the fucking all-access pass bc they put me on this planet.

anyways, i’m feeling less sad now than i was when i started writing this. i’m definitely still bitter, but that’s something i’ll just have to live with for now ig. i should probably go eat something, but the restrictive part of my ed seems to be having a time so we’ll see.

(22:30/october 16/2021)

[bobaji]

i dont mean to be insensitive, genuinely curious, but do antidepressants tune peoples even more (in your experience) or is that more like a myth? my parents never allowed me to get on meds bc itd "make me zombie like" but i see so many ppl taking them ehile being functional 😕 its almost like thats the whole point, to function

BELOW THE CUT CONTAINS TOPICS OF SUICIDE.

it really depends on what you're taking. for example, there's one type of medication i can't take (i can't remember the name rn) that i has to cut cold turkey because i turned literally suicidal and started having panic attacks and couldn't function safely on them.

but as of right now i can't function WITHOUT antidepressants. like i can honestly say if i wasn't on antidepressants i would probably end up killing myself i can't function without them i'm like basically reliant on them. my brain genuinely doesn't work without them. i don't know why i have such severe depression off of medications but yeah.

so, it really honestly depends on the person and the medication you're taking. it's always worth it to try different things and see how they work for you. you should have a doctor who is willing to switch your medications and will listen to you. if something doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right.

it's also worth noting that it takes a while for your body to cope with the help of the medication. new medications means new side effects. just because you're "zombielike" when you first get on medication doesn't mean that your body won't adjust and you'll get over that symptom.

if i stop taking my meds (like i did recently but that was just bc i lost track of time) and i take them again i get pretty drowsy and sensitive emotionally -- which is what i'm dealing with right now. so even tho i've been on this medication for a few years, i still get side effects when i stop and restart.

[bastardtetsu]

hi lovelies i am here !!! sorry i suddenly dipped out for a while there, i was in a creative rut for the past few months while dealing with some life stuff, but now i’m ready to start being a whore on the internet again <33

if ur wondering what the reason for my unannounced hiatus was, it was basically a combo of 2 things:

1) moving back to my city apartment & attempting to find a decent paying job that doesn’t actively make me want to d word—a nearly impossible task that drove me into a deep despair / clinical addiction to playing animal crossing new horizons on my roommate’s switch, & 2) increasing my antidepressant dosage (again) causing my pussy to shut off and all horniness to leave my brain bc apparently u can’t produce serotonin AND be a slut :/

BUT the good news is i have a job now !!! it pays well & doesn’t even make me want to d word !! and because i’m now a sexy and employed woman again (who also complained to her psychiatrist abt the antidepressant side effects) I DECREASED MY DOSAGE & can finally be hore knee again !!!!

that being said, idk how much i’ll be writing moving forward—i’m currently on vacation with my family for a week, but generally i don’t have as much free time to write now that i have a job. but, having some structure back in my life & degenerate thoughts back in my brain has also been helping with creativity/motivation, so who knows !

either way, i definitely want to stay connected to the lovely lil community here, so i’ll still be rb’ing & interacting on this blog whenever i get the chance ! & hopefully i can find time to write some stuff too, hehe we shall see :)

if u got here thank you so much for taking the time to read this, & BIG thank you to all my followers who stuck it out with me even though i vanished for so long with no explanation, y’all are some real ones 😭😭💞 I LOVE N APPRECIATE YOU ALL !!!! MWAH

[serialreblogger]

i hate mental illness bc even when you don’t get sucked into the extremely persuasive “no no i’m not mentally ill i’m just a terrible person who isn’t trying hard enough” mentality anxiety & depression LOVE to cultivate in u, there’s still:

- am i coming down with the flu or having a panic attack? or do i need to eat something

- (no it isn’t a heart attack but let’s get that checked just in case)

- is my vision periodically cutting out because of (a) weird medication side effects, (b) not enough food, (c) undiagnosed adhd/autism, or (d) none of the above? should i be going to the hospital or taking a nap

- do i feel terrible because my new medication is malfunctioning, or am i trying new medication because i feel terrible?

- “medication may cause weight loss but also may cause weight gain” thank you that is supremely unhelpful how do i get my appetite back (do i not want to eat bc of the depression or the antidepressants?? no one knows)

- why are my hands always shaking

- i want to die but also no i don’t but also When Will I Feel Happiness *hyperfixates on horror podcasts*

- mental illness means i’m not qualified to consider my circumstances objectively, given the whole “skews your perception of self and reality” and so on, but also: the professionals don’t know a damn thing

- Do Your Own Research and try not to die while you figure this stuff out

- “are you having any side effects?” doctor my body didn’t work to begin with and i have no standard for “normal” ur gonna have to be more specific

- want more therapy but covid

and other popular hits!

[spenciebabie]

hey! same antidepressant anon here✌️ik u don’t have personal experience w/ this but i would appreciate advice from any other anons also:)

new levels of annoyance have been reached unfortunately. i’m struggling to write smut now and i get so many requests for it lol. which i love bc i’m usually a whore knee fuck. but the thing is my meds work super well and come with slightly irritating side effects. and uh i trust my doctors but like having conversations about struggling to be whore knee is um kinda embarrassing lol. i’m just shy ig:)

no i can totally understand how and why that would be so difficult to deal with. i think i got several responses from people that are in the advice tag, the ones that specifically mentioned being a reply to ‘antidepressant anon’ can be found here and here though

i even find it difficult to write smut if im not in the mood myself, so i can see how that must feel terrible and im so sorry 😞

maybe it would be worth talking to your doctor/s about it honestly? i know that’s a lot easier said than done, but it takes two people to make it awkward. and i doubt they will be surprised or shy about it tbh. especially if it’s a common side effect.

and if anyone else has had similar issues or had found a way around them please don’t hesitate to reach out (from here on ill tag these with 🏷this little tag so you can find them when you check back if that’s okay?)

[prisonhannibal]

Wait. People with bipolar have weird reactions to anti depressants???? Bc I was on an antidepressant for years with no serious side effects then had a big mental breakdown and my doctor told me I was bipolar and put me on lithium which was awful. I'm not on lithium any more but she still swears I'm bipolar even tho my therapist doesn't think the diagnosis fits. Is that a real thing?

it is! i’ve heard of people being on antidepressants for years and then suddenly having a bad reaction, which might be bc they were on it before the symptoms kicked in. I read that the usual onset of bipolar disorder is age 20-25?? I’m not a medication expert and I’m sure it doesn’t apply to everyone but it’s definitely a thing that people with bipolar react differently to antidepressants.

I don’t wanna give bipolar disorder advice bc it’s new for me too tbh and I’m just confused but I know I reacted badly to prozac and got better after like a month of lamictal/lamotrigine

[bojokehorseman]

Have you ever wondered if Diane took anti-depression medication sooner she could have worked it out with Mr. PB? Then again he’s too surface level when it comes to problems and he was too selfish for his need to be appreciated to really understand the other person’s feelings. I wonder how he took it when he found out Diane married Guy while he’s still single?

Man you’ve got a lot of ideas. Alright: would antidepressants have saved Diane & Mr PB’s marriage? I’m gonna say no.

First of all, (tmi) I’ve taken anti depressants and they are not the cure-all that some people might think they are. It’s probably bc people have expectations that’re too high bc antidepressants will change your mood but they can’t affect the larger context of your depression / mental illness. I’m not saying they’re not effective and not super helpful to a lot of people (here at Bojoke Horseman we aren’t anti medication). Simply put what they do is change the acuity of your emotions: your debilitating anxiety is now a distant irritation, your overwhelming euphoria is now mild pleasure, your mood never dips nor peaks. For this reason SSRI meds can either help or worsen the problem depending on the person. Aside from side effects, antidepressants cannot change anything else so your self confidence or lack thereof is still present, your socioeconomic status is still the same, ditto to your trauma, your shitty marriage, shitty friends, and your shitty job. They also can’t change your personality or your values.

When Diane goes back on medication (she mentions that she took it in college I think?), this represents only one in a number of life choices she made to value her wellbeing more. Other choices include: deciding to pursue her relationship with Guy simply bc he made her happy, deciding to continue working on her fun kids’ novel instead of forcing herself to churn out a Poignant memoir, restablishing boundaries with friends or soon to be ex friends, holding herself accountable for the ways she’s held herself back and how she’s hurt Pickles and PB’s relationship with her affair. And finally: medication bc for Diane at that point in her life it is the healthiest decision.

This sounds awfully cliché but: Diane took responsibility for her own happiness. And that means something different for everyone. For her she stopped punishing herself and using global tragedies to avoid confronting the little tragedies in her life that are 100% in her control. (Side note: there are things that can cause mental illness that aren’t in our individual control like capitalism so like... self-care and humanitarianism amarite guys? Ok back to our regularly scheduled program...)

If Diane only took the meds, and nothing else, six years earlier? Nothing would really change. If Diane took the meds as well as all the life changing epiphanies that lead to her simultaneous confidence and humility? Potentially. It would certainly save her life.

Now for the other half of the equation: Mr Peanutbutter. To his credit, he did grow this season by the simple fact that he allowed himself to feel sad. (Sad dog!)

I think he truly cares about others and he has a capacity for empathy; it’s just that his willingness to feel negative emotions or be negative is stunted. Because a big part of empathy is feeling others’ pain, his empathy is sort of cruelly useless: only coming thru when he empathises with others’ joy or forces a solution upon others’ misery . He’s never able to connect with others let alone himself on a deeper level bc of his intense fear of negativity. He likes attention, not for his talent or intellect but simply to spread joy. He likes to be the life of the party so long as that party is sufficiently large and happy which is one reason why he ran for governor.

When he and Diane spoke again and he learns about Guy, he seemed genuinely sad bc he misses her yet doesn’t act on it bc he wants her to be happy. Her marriage to Guy would probably just amplify those same feelings.

PB & Diane’s relationship doesn’t work bc it reinforces the others’ flaws, even though potentially it could do the opposite. Diane was attracted by PB’s overtly positive attitude and thought it might help her become a happier person. PB was attracted to Diane’s intellect and her ability to see the hidden layers in everything, he probably assumed Diane’s sensitivity and depth would rub off on him too. Unfortch what happened was that Diane got frustrated with Mr PB’s superficiality which pushed her further into wallowing in cynicism. Mr PB realised he wasn’t truly learning from Diane’s ability to be poignant and reflective but responding to it with more overt attempts to cheer her up. Old habits die hard 🤷‍♀️

TLDR: Would Diane’s new attitude be able to break the cycle? Maybe. Maybe not. She and PB. Certainly make good pen pals. It’s also likely that Diane had to go through the divorce in order to realise her own growth & take the medication.

*this is a really simplified explanation of SSRIs & obvs everyone will have a difffent experience etc