#bc it makes me anxious for some reason and stuff idk i spend too much time here again jfqgh

[sportsnet]

get to know me (tyler if you didn't know)

thanks @nicohischier for the tag...i guess...

do you make your bed

Like. when i clean my room yeah but i do that maybe once every few weeks so i guess no i do not make my bed. reason? lazy and also why im going to get right back into it the moment im home favourite number?

7 just like every other person bc im boring apparently but also its bc when i was a kid i needed to make a password for a device and my mom told me to do 7 bc her bday is on the 7th so my password was 7777 for YEARS (it is not anymore) and it just stuck what’s your job?

graduating hs in approx...6 days apparently so ig student(which isnt a job but shhh) but only for 6 more days but THEN once august hits im going to be a student once again (college...yay) if you could go back to school, would you?

this really wasnt meant for graduating hs students was it. can you parallel park?

i cant drive :( do you think aliens are real?

yes. and unlike rayleene it IS because i believe that there's a whole civilized society hanging out a few billion light years away. mostly bc i just think that the universe is so big (to put it lightly) that i just refuse to believe that there aren't other sentient lifeforms out there. plus the world is so big and scary and if we are the only ones out in that world then it gives the existence of humans more meaning than i think we need/deserve and then i start freaking out

can you drive a manual car?

still cant drive :( guilty pleasure?

honestly probably fanfiction at this point. multiple times ive considered the idea of seriously stopping consuming it bc i just feel that it takes up so much of my time. time that i could be using to do other stuff that are actually useful to me like sometimes people ask me if i have hobbies and i find that the answer is no? because i spend so much time reading fanfiction so in a way ig it IS my hobby because reading is a hobby its just that people usually mean books but unfortunately telling people my hobby is reading fanfiction violates the social norms of our society so i end up feeling guilty about it tattoos?

dont have any (underage. not that its stopped multiple of my friends lmao) and honestly dont plan on getting any for multiple reasons 1. on a surface level its bc im very very scared of needles 2. on a deeper level its bc im pretty scared of commitment and making irreversible choices and i dont think i genuinely have anything meaningful in my life that i would want to get put on my skin if i want to showcase my interest and love for something id rather just get a poster for it idk favourite colour? purple!! not bc of bts (preview for my answer to the next question) but bc i just think its neat :] favourite type of music? im a kpop fan i will admit ;-; but also i do listen to a lot of pop, rap, and hiphop in general do you like puzzles?

lowkey no bc i get really frustrated if it takes me too long to do something any phobias?

needles and blood. like one time (a few months ago) my school held a blood drive and i decided to do it bc if i did id get a cord for my graduation and also my friend was doing it. when i went i was a little anxious but it wasnt horrible. however, by the time they started checking my iron i was a little more stressed and by the time they finished checking my iron (which involved pricking my finger and getting my blood which i watched and this was my mistake) and told me i was good to go to the donation area i was feeling very anxious and stressed and this is all a long winded backstory to me saying that i fainted the moment i stood up after getting my iron checked before i could even start donating blood

fun fact: still ended up getting the cord because apparently i "tried" favourite childhood sport? i guess at some point i loved tennis as a kid since i begged my mom to play it as a kid. this didnt turn out well as i ended up hating it after a few years but was forced to continue by my mom to the point that i would get like stress stomach aches bc of how much i didnt want to do it and when i was finally allowed to stop i ended up hating tennis so much that to this day i refuse to watch it do you talk to yourself?

only in my sleep apparently lol tea or coffee? iced coffee >>>>> first thing you wanted to be when growing up?

when i was in middle school they asked my health class this question and my response was "something that would let me stay at home and do what i want with my time." obviously my 11 year old classmates took this as a sign that i wanted to be a stay at home parent (do not want kids but thats another story) and started teasing me for it however, now as im older i still think baby tyler was so fucking valid and lowkey i think a lot of those once upon a time 11 year olds would also agree with me now what movies do you adore?

How to train your dragon and Ferris Bueller's Day Off are two that i think of right away

[seraxfemme]

storytime! :o

i don't usually share this kind of stuff but this was a first for me soo..

ok so i was w a friend at a bookstore at the mall looking for some new reading material and maybe an oracle deck. So as we walked in i caught a glimpse of a guy at checkout and overheard him say something like "oh the bible is a different story". i thought he was just one of those Unsolicited Public Sermon types so i moved on. We're at the spiritual section now and i was really quietly taking my time. Suddenly the guy i had seen at the front just kinda spawned next to us and was saying he needed to tell us his message cuz if not his soul would be in danger too. He goes on about how he used to mess w tarot and that its really evil and that it led to the death of his brother (?!) He seemed kinda wonky ngl but that's normal where i am so as long as these ppl don't try to follow u out the store, u had a good day. Towards the end of his speech he urged us not to play around w this stuff. TBH i feel like this was the impression bc my friend (who doesn't practice) was just excitedly rummaging through the decks like christmas morning and being very loud about it bc she's very supportive of me, but this does tend to attract attention. ANYWAY. as the guy leaves, he said 'well god bless u' and i said 'yeah u too'. i pretty much just moved on, got a deck and we kept going. Then my friend was saying she didn't like his vibes and that was annoying and i was like 'yeah maybe it was a sign for me to just not spend money rn lol'. Then i started feeling anxious and kept thinking about the guy and how his presence felt heavy and invasive even tho he kept a respectful distance and never tried to make physical contact/his voice wasn't aggressive either. then i thought about going to checkout and realized I never actually checked the price of the deck, so i checked and it was over my budget so i put it back. i only got the book and we left. When we got back to her place i started feeling nauseous and her room was hot but thats usually not that much of a problem for me. But i felt like i was swimming in hot water, i had a never ending migraine, felt weak... .,my friend suggested i cleanse myself w an egg. So i did. As soon as i finished the first Lord's prayer it felt like a layer of my skin was shedding. or like something was shedding/sliding off my body, especially my arms and i got chills and this really overwhelming emotional sensation. I did this until it felt right to stop. Finally, i got dressed and discarded the egg and went back into the room. i was still really shaken up and still felt like i wanted to cry but i never did cuz there was no real reason to. I told my friend about what i felt and we concluded that maybe that guy had had some kind of effect on me bc i was the one making eye contact and i responded when he left. BTW i only responded bc i know sometimes ppl say something that seems innocuous but its their way of cursing you, and depending on who his God is, im not sure who would be "blessing" me so i just returned it to him. because he went off about how tarot is evil but he never gave me an alternative, about coming to Christ or anything like most Christians. So i thought that was interesting paired w what i heard him say when i walked in. So i finally calmed down. aannd then my friend starts feeling the same things i did. So i cleansed her too. And then she threw up. It was really quick and painless but it was like thick, black sludge instead of what's considered "normal" vomit. I discarded that egg and then we went grocery shopping. I was full of energy but now she was the one feeling weak. We were fine by the next day, but that was the most intense thing i've ever felt- spiritually speaking. It sucks that it got to her too but i'm glad i was there to fix it sooo.. yeah idk be careful ya'll cleanse regularly and when the vibes are off return to sender!

[l0vepaint]

.

[fieldbears]

It seems like you know a lot about skin care. I'm 28 now and honestly dont really bother with it (except to take off make up and using sunscreen). I'm 28 now and feel like my skin's fine but wonder if there's stuff it actually needs. With skincare being such a huge industry it's hard to understand what ingredients skin actually needs bc I feel companies (& influencers) try to sell you a lot of shit you don't need and maybe even makes your skin worse. Any tips where to start? Thank u

Hey friend! I love helping newbies. I absolutely do have tips. And a two-product two-step regimen. You can get it for under $40 and it should last you 6 months or more.

First off, there is ABSOLUTELY a ton of shit you don’t need. That is a good instinct. You can always pay more for a product and you can always add more steps to your routine, but that doesn’t mean that you’re actually getting more out of it. The first thing you should ask yourself is, what do you want out of your skincare?

SUNSCREEN: For someone who isn’t sure what they want or what they should do, my first question is how much time you spend in the sun. The one thing you can do to really permanently damage your skin is to spend a lot of time in the sun without any sunscreen. Basically: blah blah rays of sun blah blah destroys the collagen, aka squishy bouncy bonds between cells, blah blah, destroyed collagen means the skin sags more, meaning wrinkles.

(It is also, I hope I don’t need to say, dangerous for Cancer Reasons to get a ton of non-screened sun exposure. But I’m assuming that’s a given here.)

Like I said in the last post, southeast Asian sunscreen options are a huge improvement on what you find on the shelves here in the States because they have more stringent laws on what chemicals are okay to put in a product. But if you stick with what you can grab at CVS, that’s fine too - just make sure you google the brand and type and make sure the SPF is for real. (Some products marketed at, say, SPF 45 are actually proven to only be SPF 15. It’s like the olive oil bullshit all over again!)

There are also a lot of moisturizers available with SPF protection in them.

WHICH LEADS ME TO MY AMAZING TWO-STEP SYSTEMMMMM...

CLEANSE AND MOISTURIZE: There are seven-step processes out there, but what you really need to start with, and will get a ton out of if you aren’t doing anything right now, is cleansing and moisturizing.

The science explanation for doing this: blah blah your skin generates oils from your pores in order to create a protective barrier between your flesh and the elements, but said oils can get gunky once they’ve accumulated all the particulates from the air, and there can even be backups and miscommunications and over-oilage if you have dead skin cells sitting on top of your new skin, or stuff gets all the way into your pores, blocking the system, causing breakouts. So skincare is about removing everything on top of your skin, maybe adding fancy stuff in the middle, but absolutely creating a new barrier for your skin at the end, to replace the one you took off. I liken it to varnish on a painting - it’s meant to sit on top, collect all the dust, and get removed and replaced over time. But don’t just wash your face every 20-80 years. The metaphor only goes so far. Anyway.

Here is how to get into my absolutely bare minimum regimen:

PICK A CLEANSER: If you wear/remove makeup a lot, and/or have a very oily complexion, pick an oil-based cleanser. Oil-based means it’s good at removing makeuppy things  and your natural oil. Otherwise, pick a water-based cleanser. CeraVe cleansers are available at Walgreens and they are affordable. It is available, affordable, clinically gentle on various skin types, and by god, it does indeed wash all the shit off your face.I have tried a lot of expensive water-based cleansers and I still come back to this one. That $16 pump bottle will last you a long time, too.

PICK A MOISTURIZER:  I’m back on my CeraVe shit here because if you’re overwhelmed and don’t know what to pick, I’m gonna push you to the easy-to-pay-for, easy-to-find product that won’t make you break out. And it’s got SPF! If you want to get fancier, check out some options here. I currently use Laneige moisturizers, which are at Sephora and... other places. Idk. (And to repeat my last post: if you can’t stand having things sitting on your skin, even a moisturizer that will absorb over a minute or so, Laneige Cream Skin Toner & Moisturizer essentially feels like water.)

SHOWER STEP: You have both your products. Now. Put your cleanser in your shower. When you shower, use it to wash your face. In the shower, you can splash and splash to your heart’s content. Get your neck, your cleavage, any extra places you feel have an oiliness problem. But remember them for later, because you want to moisturize all spots you cleansed. (Also, if you’ve been using soap or anything else to wash your face up until now... stop that. Cleanser is much better.)

AFTER SHOWER STEP: Dry off and pat on that moisturizer. Make sure you apply it with clean hands. Rub it in gently and make sure all cleansed areas are now moisturized.

That’s it.

No, really, that’s my advice for beginners. Two products, one done in the shower. You have to do them in order. That’s it.

If you have the spoons to do this routine twice a day, around when you get up and right before bed, you’ll get even better results. But if you’re just starting out and get anxious about new routines, don’t sweat it. Your face’s cells turn over every 30 days or so, so if you keep this up every day for about two weeks, you’ll start seeing improvements by then.

Bonus newb tips:

About once a week, use a COMPLETELY CLEAN terrycloth washcloth to apply your cleanser. Get your (gentle) scrub on. Mechanical exfoliation basically means you’re using a brush, a cloth, something physical to remove everything from your face, including things like dead skin, which gentle cleansing may not have gotten. Doing it too often isn’t helpful, as you can only build up so much stuff to remove over time, and scrubbing too hard or too frequently can lead to frightening your skin, causing redness. So once a week is likely plenty. If you like the battery-operated brushes, go for it, but they cost way more than the clean washcloth.

You will see options for chemical exfoliation too. If you identify as a newb, I don’t recommend this. Chemical exfoliations aren’t bad per se, but are one of the few skincare things that can be done wrong, and in a way that can really upset your skin. Washcloth!

Are you replacing your pillowcases on a regular basis? I try to do once a week but I probably end up with closer to two weeks. Nobody’s perfect. But remembering to do this is a very easy way to help your skin out.

If you get your cleanse-and-moisturize routine down pat, 2x a day, and you want the next step, look into toners. They help your skin absorb the moisturizer more efficiently... science reasons. The toner goes on before the moisturizer, but again, your skin should be dry before you start.

There are ampoules, essences, treatments, and other fancy names for... very specific shit. Basically, if you have a specific problem, especially in a specific area of your face, chances are there is a specific tiny expensive bottle you can integrate into the middle of your routine to help with that. But there is a lot of snake oil out there and I don’t want anybody buying these solutions if they aren’t already managing the daily wash-and-protect, because you’d be surprised how many things that can fix.

If you have problems with breakouts or other bad reactions to some skin products, do your best to only introduce one new product at a time. That way if you start having a reaction, you don’t have to guess what caused it.

No matter what is or isn’t going on with your skin, your worth is not affected one iota. Whether I have three pimples and incredible redness around my cheekbone and nose area, making me look like a character mug of a drunken sailor, or whether or my skin is the cool, poreless ivory of Grecian marble, I am still the exact same perfect bitch. And so are you.

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[artificialashley]

top 5 drag race fics that aren't mine (not me being arrogant, simply wanting to avoid looking like i'm fishing xo)

Sorry for the slow answer (see previous ask regarding my laptop charger) but ly and thanks for keeping me entertained omg

- Night & Day by Kite // this is in my golden list of fave fic from any fandom ever. which dates back to when i was 13. and only has 4 fics on it (or like 14 depending how you read it). if that doesnt describe my love for it then what does? as much as i love a bit of fluff....sometimes i can be a right slag for something a bit darker and this fic made me feel so many emotions i didnt even know i had??? and the storytelling is impeccable - the way kite chose to write (each chapter the other girls POV of the same events) was just so clever, really showing what each girl was wanting/feeling and making the miscommunication so much more frustrating (in turn, making the pay offs so much better when they came). i honestly might go reread it now because talking about it is giving me chills!

- How Far I’ll Go by Meggie and Mia-Ugly // I dont need to tell you how great this fic is because you already know but im going to anyway...the clear thought and effort and planning behind this fic is insane and it SHINES through in the writing. the way they write nina’s awkward and anxious character and obvious crush on monet is just so endearing but also so real at the same time? i dont think ive ever rooted for a character so much? it is perfection and should be framed

- I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend by lindseyluvsdrag // although i no longer see much appeal in pearlet now, they are for sure what brought me to this fandom and it makes me sad that some of my fave fics from that era are gone now. thankfully this one isnt!! reading it gives me chills because i can pinpoint it back to such a specific era of my life, mostly because i was so obsessed with this fic and its sequel that i read it everywhere: in the tent on my bronze Duke of Edinburgh, in business gcse when I’d finished my coursework faster than the rest of the class so had to spend three months “revising”, at a durham rowing regatta my parents dragged me to. i love this fic for the nostalgia it brings me but that doesnt takeaway from how good the plot, writing and character development is too! this is probably the reason i started writing drag race fic in the first place

- Elastic Heart by Mia-Ugly // and the reason i came back and write drag race fanfic now? here it is. this fic, and the whole branjie movement (ignoring your ask to stuff your move in here), came at a time in my life when i didnt know how much i needed it!! the last time i read or wrote fanfic was around when season 8 aired but there i was telling my dickhead of a boyfriend i was sick and spending my entire easter writing and reading beautiful fics like this one to keep me sane. i started reading at a chance and was hooked right away, the angst was real and it was so excited to read alongside the season airing (and watching mia basically predict the branjie lip sync was just golden). the writing is of the highest quality and i find myself coming back to it constantly.

-  The Mystery of the Journal by Zyan, Conflicted Looks Good on You by Mina and Arch back, heart attack by Atresia - I couldn’t not have some crygi on this list after the phase i went through last year but couldn’t chose a fave so here are three...mystery of the journal is just beautiful? i cant really describe the feeling it gave me but it was kinda like i was watching a film? those 12k words really told a story and i was so there for it. Conflicted looks good on you is here for its sheer comedy and turn of phrase? honestly iconic and i cant wait to reread it after exams because the summer feeling it manages to capture is just epic. as much as i love crystal isnt counting i decided to include this fic by atresia because its smut and i feel like i never really tell people their smut is good bc i feel weird about it but its 2 am and ive ate 3 drumstick lollies, 5 refreshers and 3 of those other lollies (idk their names but sugar) so yeah this smut is good!!!

honourable mentions to tree house kisses by veronica and scorpio which i swear i’ll finish someday, everything ive read by grapefruit and mac and strawberry daiquiri by miss bianca (which omg im gonna get to drink on sunday)

sorry for that rollercoaster of fic recs xoxo

ask me my top 5 anything!

[adhd-hyperfixations-n-stuff]

Hey do you have any advice on how to support people with Avoidant Personality Disorder?

First, I’m sorry for taking a while to respond to this — I’ve been pretty busy with school and generally worn out, and wanted to wait until I could put some thought into the answer (putting it under a cut bc it got kinda long haha).

Obviously I can’t speak for everyone with AvPD (and I have a lot of overlapping disorders) so take everything with a grain of salt, but I have had it for years and it’s had a major impact on my life, so here’s what I’ve got:

Don’t try to force us out of our comfort zones. My parents did this for years, and it was awful. AvPD is not just shyness — oftentimes, we don’t even have a social “comfort zone” to begin with, and it puts us under basically constant stress. If someone with AvPD is trying to push themself outside of that anyway, absolutely support them, but never try to force it. Even if you mean well, some people’s disorder is so bad that they won’t be able to handle seemingly “little” interactions without extremely severe anxiety. (For example, I couldn’t speak in class at all, order food or buy things in a store for myself, or even leave my house without insanely terrible anxiety for years).

Avoid putting us on the spot. Forcing us to be the center of attention, even briefly or in a “low-stakes” setting can be incredibly stressful. Of course sometimes it’s necessary, but even just doing introductions in a small group or something can be really hard for us. (I once had a panic attack because my therapist was bringing in someone else who worked there to have a practice conversation with me, and that’s about as low-stakes as it gets.)

Don’t assume we’re boring. It’s common for us to be ashamed of literally every interest or personality trait we have, and try to turn ourselves into the most bland, generic copy of a person to cover that up. Until recent years, I wouldn’t even talk to my closest friends about interests we didn’t share. (This applies more to stuff like music, TV shows, movies, etc. than just general hobbies.) If someone with AvPD does share their interests with you, try not to make fun of them or anything — even if it’s not mean-spirited, it can make us regret opening up.

Don’t make jokes at our expense (unless you know the person well enough to be sure they’re okay with it). This obviously applies in general, but it’s harder to be sure with AvPD. When you constantly second-guess everything you do and are convinced you’re screwing everything up, even super lighthearted teasing or laughing at something silly you did can translate in our brains to “oh god I messed up again and they all think I’m an idiot.”

Be the one to initiate plans if you have to (and try not to take that personally). If you want to spend time with us, ask, because we pretty much can’t. I went years never asking a friend to hang out, and always waiting for someone else to initiate. It never meant I didn’t want to spend time with them, I was just worried about making them feel obligated, and didn’t feel like I was worthy of attention.

Spend time with us one-on-one sometimes. If you’re close to someone with AvPD, they may still be anxious around you, but will probably be a lot more comfortable with just you than with you and a bunch of other people. Especially since we don’t tend to have a lot of friends ourselves for obvious reasons, always being with a friend/partner and all their other friends can make us feel like we’re just there out of pity or something and don’t fit in with the group. You are definitely not obligated to give the person your attention all the time or put them above all your other friends, but spending some time with just them (and maybe one or two other people they trust) can help. If we’re clingy to one or two people, it’s often because we have no one else and it gets super lonely living like that.

Don’t assume we want to be alone. On a day-to-day basis I did, in the sense that I felt safer alone due to less anxiety, but I never wanted to be alone. Before I was even a teenager, I was terrified that I was going to die alone because I had no genuine friends and would probably never form any close relationships. I would get so jealous of people with real friends that it hurt, and I always wanted a best friend. I buried myself in reading and writing for years to fill that void (and developed maladaptive daydreaming disorder because I was so isolated irl).

Remind them you actually like them. For pretty much my whole life, I’ve felt like my friends put up with me out of pity or convenience or something, because I truly don’t understand how anyone could actually like me as a person. Of course, you don’t have to say it outright unless they literally ask (which they may be too anxious to do), but make sure they know that you actually enjoy being around them and aren’t doing it for some other reason.

Take it seriously as a disorder and provide accommodations. This one only really applies to people who have some administrative power over a person with AvPD, such as at school. In my opinion, we absolutely should be able to get exemptions/alternate assignments for things that give us heart palpitations and almost make us pass out — but I still had to do presentations before medication, and would stress about them for days in advance and then have severe panic attacks in front of everyone every time. School in general was awful and some of that was unavoidable, but it was easier with the rare teachers who would let me get out of those things.

Idk, some of these may be obvious but I’m just going off my own experience. If anyone has more questions feel free to ask them!

-

Also, this is more of a suggestion for people with AvPD, but I would really recommend getting on medication for it if you can find one that helps you. Therapy did absolutely nothing for my AvPD, except for eventually directing me to a psychiatrist because I was basically a hopeless case without meds.

I’m still avoidant and self-conscious and feel inferior to everyone else, but I no longer have the severe anxiety symptoms — I can now handle basic interactions (and even way more stressful ones like presentations) without constant stress and panic attacks, and I had some longterm chronic physical symptoms (digestive issues, jaw pain) clear up too. Within a week, it genuinely felt like the anxiety goggles had been pulled off and I was able to see the world more normally for the first time.

[noheroes-allowed]

10/22

I’m hoping that I’m actually doing ok and not bottling anything in. I’m thinking about the last time I liked someone and how I made really stupid decisions trying to get over him that were unhealthy and made everything worse. and I was so emotional back then too and so insecure and naive, and to be fair to my younger self, I still am. but I hope I’ve matured enough to just handle this situation better than I have in the past. I’m really hoping the way that I’m feeling right now isn’t just a part of me lying to myself bc I can’t deal with an emotional breakdown later down the line. overall though, I can’t believe I actually did it. and I think I was probably able to bc it came in bits and pieces, like our conversation last thursday just made me more aware of how he would probably respond and, it was truly just me needing to admit it and get it off my chest rather than getting anxious over the anticipation of his answer. which I’m hoping is better than if I told him earlier without knowing these things about him already bc maybe I can reassure myself that it’s bc he’s not looking for anything with anyone really and he gets really excited about the time before anyone admits anything rather than something being wrong about me. like him saying that before I had to say anything makes me believe him more bc if I admitted it and then he said that stuff I would’ve thought we was just trying to soften the blow. anyways I hope I’m ok. I was so close again to not saying it but I was like no, if I put it off again I’m gonna hate myself and regret not doing it again. so I told him in front of his house after our walk. 

(side note, the walk was super nice. we talked for like ~1.5 hours and went down this dark trail that was not lit at all, and once we got to the end, he wanted to keep going bc I think he wanted us to keep talking. but we had to turn back for safety/road visibility reasons. like he told me about what he wants to do in life and I really like him for pursuing something that isn’t traditionally successful and he comes from a place of privilege to be able to do that, but also the thing that he wants to do with his life would’ve sent me swooning (if I hadn’t already started getting over him). but still, like I love him for that, and I love his passions and what he wants to achieve, and just talking to him bc he understands how I feel about not just wanting to work for some company and it doesn’t seem like more people in segc do even though theoretically we all should. and I told him how I really liked the work this one company was doing in dc with data science consulting for nonprofits and the public sector and he was like maybe we’ll cross paths someday. (I hope they do. I hope I run into him and he tells me about how he took his kids canoeing last weekend or how his work is going at whatever agency he’s running or how his master’s is going.) he talked about the last time he felt this way was high school senior year when he didn’t know where his life is going. like, it just felt nice to be able to converse with someone who understands how I’m feeling and to hear someone else’s worries or uncertainty too. idk, it was just a really good conversation, and he said it was nice too. I had suggested us to play overcooked bc I didn’t want him to think that all I ever did was talk about deep things? bc like yeah I love that stuff and connecting with people but sometimes I can just chill too. but the walk was the best part. also I brought those little jelly cups with me bc I wanted to share something with him. I am cute.)

anyways yeah I told him. like I just had to do it and get it over with and stop sitting on it for my sake. and I do regret some of the things I didn’t say or didn’t phrase in the way I could’ve, but I think I said enough of what was necessary. like I asked him if I could ask him something and then he suspected after I looked at him and didn’t saying anything and then laughed nervously. but yeah, the gist was I told him I wanted us to still be friends but I needed to get it off my chest and just move past it and reframe our dynamic in my head. and I didn’t really expect anything from him based on our conversation last week. and that the thing that scared me the most was him distancing himself from me and not rejecting me. but he reassured me that he wouldn’t treat me any differently. and I told him I still wanted to talk about the things we talked about before. to make me believe him he was like what should we do next. but yeah we’re going to the cat cafe next week lol

to be very honest though, I obviously wish he liked me back. but ultimately this is better for me bc I don’t need it to build up more intensely the more time I spend with him or misinterpret things bc I know I’ll just end up more hurt later on. but I feel like it’s weird bc he’s the person I’ve liked for awhile now, and the person before that was complicated, and the other person during that was complicated, and the person before that was high school. and I can’t tell if it’s part of me maturing or if I’m bottling things up and not dealing with it, or if it’s bc I kind of got my answer indirectly last week already, but I feel ok. I did like him a lot though, and I feel like I got to know him at a level I haven’t with other people I’ve liked. bc with *****, so much of it was the novelty and all the new experiences I was going through and having to leave people and just not being ready to start over. like he was a good friend and we had deep talks too, but we didn’t have that much time together to know each other in other respects. and with ****, I still can’t comprehend what was going on between us. like I knew her the most for sure, but it’s difficult to compare in this situation. keith is still confusing sometimes, but the keith I know, there are things I admire about him, and things that annoy me about him lol I know he’s not perfect, and things I like hearing from him. idk I just feel like I know this person, or at least the sides he shows me, and not just my idea of this person. so I think that’s why I wish he liked me back. but I’m also relatively ok he doesn’t bc I will (hopefully) still be spending and enjoying that time with him. I think the most I can compare him to is ****, who I got over and still hung out with and helped him pick out a valentine’s day card for another girl lol.

I think also, to be very honest here, I wish like the thought could’ve crossed his mind. like removing everything he said last week about relationships and commitment, he still has crushed on other girls. and I just can’t help but be insecure and wish that maybe if I was prettier or more attractive, the thought would’ve crossed his mind. it sucks, I wish I didn’t feel that way.

also I have this newfound respect for people who have ever admitted anything to me bc wow I couldn’t even say the words. arguably though, one of them was at the end of a program and we weren’t gonna see each other so he had like nothing to lose. and the other one, I think I was giving mixed signals to which I felt bad about, but I really wanted friends and I didn’t want to be labeled as *****’s gf in the org, and I wanted to be my own person that people got to know. yeah I think that was bad timing bc I might’ve ended up liking him. and he told me relatively early before anything intensified. anyway. I have more respect. I do think I had more to lose though bc keith is my lifeline in ithaca unfortunately and I would make some poor decisions if I didn’t have him to hang out with. 

I think that’s all I have for now. reminder to my future self, there will be ups and downs and please be nice to yourself. 

[brinytrolls]

if you’re open to plotting something new, what are some ideas you might want to explore with someone??

i am always open to plotting!! let me see what i can find, i’ll organise it by character,,,no dancestors for now but if u wanted to plot with one of them, feel free to send another ask!! 

i dont really have any DETAILED plot ideas, these are more just starting points..sadly none of my ocs rly have future arcs planned out so these are all pretty casual...and these are not an exhaustive list! im open to any and all plot ideas so pls dont be afraid to ask!! 

for faldur,, 

he’s always open for ex matesprits or ex kismesis, as well as casual pitch flings. theres pretty much no guidelines for these ones, if it’s someone who’d be interested in him, and they’re jade or above, it’s fair game! 

an ex mate might be someone who found him too intense and broke up with him, someone who indulged his narcissism and boosted his ego til his other quads were forced to intervene, or something else entirely, as long as there was a reason they had to break up (i currently dont want him to have a red quad 4 Reasons) 

kismesis flings…hes open to anything. he hangs around bars often and will flirt with Anyone he finds attractive, so if someones open to that kinda thing its good to go. this could also lead to general friendships! he has no friends currently. boo 

on the topic of friends, book friends! a little known fact is he spends a lot of time on book forums, and someone to geek out over books with would be a nice change of pace. 

bitchy highblood friends. just like a bitchy seadweller squad would be fun, tbh. 

enemies! got a seadweller who would find him obnoxious? hell yeah! enemies is pretty open ended, i’d be willing to have faldur fucked up to teach him a lesson (within reason, he IS a seadweller and he is strong. he does fight a lot) alternatively, u got a lowblood (or highblood tbh) who needs a reason to be afraid of seadwellers? faldur attacks ppl who so much as look at him funny, so thats a valid option too

MAFIA TIES…faldur works as an assassin for when people need something really fucked up done to someone. do with that what u will

OH I JUST REMEMBERED fleet recruiters/anyone from the fleet/similar organisation who sees potential in him. faldurs constantly torn between redemption and leaving it all behind to join the fleet, so that could be interesting! 

theres definitely more but…tbh im welcome to anyone approaching me with ANY plot ideas they have! 

will do the rest under the cut bc that got LONG 

I WROTE THIS ALL OUT AND FORGOT HARREL 

BIG ONE IS just other mafia trolls!!

mafia bosses/hitmen who would hire him. who are doing jobs on the downlow, and need a cleanup guy! harrel is very good at his job so he’s highly regarded within the business 

especially mean mafia ppl. be mean to him. its part of his character hes anxious bc the mafia is mean 

no specifics, but i want harrel to just get Fucked Up. like i said, he’s highly regarded so holding him for ransom isn’t out of the question. just fuck this nerd up 

on a lighter note! he frequents record shops and jazz clubs, so maybe a musician or two with similar interests to help him get out of his shell. he needs a friend or two. 

friends from university! anyone in sciences, forensics, medical science, criminal studies…he probably studied with them! his backstory is that he disappeared from university one day when he got kidnapped by a mafia boss, and managed to wrangle his way into them keeping him alive. an old friend who noticed and is suddenly Very Confused upon seeing him again like 5 years later 

someone he went to uni with who’s now in the law industry, and the conflict that might arise from them being on two totally different ends of the spectrum…could be a fun dynamic! 

on the same wavelength: old flames from university. ex quadrants, ex hookups, ex crushes. people he was romantically involved with before suddenly disappearing 

i think thats all…

forrr sarky! 

no real quad stuff needed for him…perhaps an ex or two, but no real ideas there! 

other grubtubers to be friends with, or fans who’ve met/would want to meet him! grubtube is a HUGE part of his life and i’ve never really been able to explore it, bc he has no connections involved with it. u got a grubtuber troll who’d collab with him? a troll who enjoys letsplays? a weird youtuber superfan who’d give their right arm to meet a letsplayer? fuck yea dude all valid options 

PETTY INTERNET DRAMA. im sure theres potential

sarky IS a shifter, meaning he turns into a weird dragon monster in the dead of night on a full…moons (idk how that works on alternia,,,hello???) u got a troll who’d stop him when they catch him stumbling shirtless thru the city streets post-shift towards a local diner at 4am weirdly covered in scars and looing like he’s about to pass out?? a poor overworked diner worker wondering what the Fuck this dudes deal is when he stumbles in at 5am before cramming his face full of meat?? a troll who hangs out in the wilderness bordering the city and saw the horrific sight of this fuzzy teal bitch shifting into a giant dragon?? or just a fellow shifter perhaps?? idk theres a lot that can be done here, im sure 

apartment neighbours! disgruntled highblood a floor below him wondering why this bitch keeps scaling the building?? or someone who thinks its pretty sick, actually. 

fellow city dwellers for him to meet and befriend or annoy the shit out of…he takes the subway a lot, so they can meet there. or in some greasy food place

connected to faldur, any ex quads of faldurs that had to be intervened with and broken up, sarky was probably involved. if u want them to be bitter towards him, feel free. it makes for more interest >:3c 

florem time…………..

GET FLOREM A GIRLFRIEND 2K20…PLEASE. i just want her to have a girlfriend. its what she deserves and we all know it 

get her FRIENDS TOO....friends who will support her, and her weird hobbies. florem has a tendency to help other people and forget about her own needs, so itd be nice for her to have a friend who listens to her too... 

perhaps a troll who stumbles upon her weird troll-eating plant. a fellow enthusiast or some poor soul she has to rescue, either or 

a fellow taxidermy enthusiast....maybe a pen pal who buys stuff from whatever the troll equivalent of etsy is 

camping buddy...............she has no one to go camping with!!

im sadly low on ideas for florem but i DO want interactions with her...

veleno tiem babey

she needs a gf in every single goddamn quad.....shes 100% single 

a Bunch of highbloods who were cocky enough to gamble against her, and are incredibly mad about losing. highbloods out for vengeance 

on the same wavelength, a highblood who lost and got incredibly mad and fucked her face up, giving her all them scars....vel would avoid them for the rest of her life, but perhaps its someone who frequents the same casinos as she does so she cant avoid em 4 Extra Drama 

other down on their luck lowbloods, maybe younger ones, who need her help bc shes Experienced. she can become their Street Mom 

other down on their luck lowbloods for her to just befriend!! she frequents a shitty diner, as well as singing in a jazz club and hanging around in casinos. if youve got a lowblood who hangs around in those places they could def meet! 

i THINK thats all i got...but know i am more than open to literally Any plot suggestion ever >:3c

[artistaspiring]

4:43 a.m. letter from my half conscious, depressed self

vent post,,

wow okay hi

lots going on

in my brain

just trauma and current events and getting really anxious about racism and queerphobia being literally everywhere

kinda wondering if im doing shit right w my gf/best friend

it’s quite late i should sleep

or take my anxiety pill

i spend too much time playing acnh but i literally dont have anything else to do outside of sit around and get misgendered.. and like.  die

(for that reason and others)

i hope the format of this post isn’t too unreadable

yesterday night/morning/whatever it was like 26 hours ago i snuck out and had a good time with my gf 

but i think i left my scarf on the playground

the same one i put in that poem

the orange one

stained now not by only by dirt and an anxiety attack and bravery but probably lots of rain

maybe the wind has already taken it away

i dont know

anyway.  i might go get it tomorrow night

or at least look for it

it’s fine if it’s gone but i kind of really want it back..

now i’m thinking about hugs

and how i miss literally the one person i still think about in a positive way, except for maybe this one other school friend who’s just my sister at this point

i wonder how she’s doing

i haven’t been able to talk to anyone in a long time and it still sucks

back to thinking about gf

who i still consider my best friend but i’m not sure they think of it the same way

she experiences platonic and romantic love both really strongly the difference doesn’t matter so much, so maybe what they call it doesn’t matter so much, but idk.. i still kinda want to be friends still

i mean obviously we’re friends but.  you know.  i want both

i also feel like it’s really hard for us as in an allistic/autistic relationship bc we just can’t understand and communicate lots of things in the same way so it takes a lot of effort and feels confusing and it’s like.. tiring

i’m totally cool with their autism and i love her a lot it’s just a challenge

i think they feel the same way

do i think about her too much?  is it dumb to wonder that?  i miss her even though i just saw her and it’s not like an unhealthy obsession but,, idk

maybe it’s just bc i really don’t have much else that isn’t depressing af to think about right now

she has special interests to turn to but it just, doesn’t work that way for me <x3 which sucks but whatever

it would be nice if i could talk to all my friends

by which i mean like the two other people outside of her i still talk to whenever i have my phone, which i dont, because parents

i really do feel like dying a bit

not in that i’m gonna hurt myself but the thoughts are still there

that’s something even my therapist doesn’t get

i might not actually be at risk but the pain is still there and the thoughts and stuff.. it’s all there

every now and then i express that, how i want to die, and it turns into a big thing

like i’m just trying to explain the struggle i’m in.. please don’t bring me to the emergency room im not actually gonna that would just make stuff worse

kind of a depressing note to end on

but please text your friends

drink some water

look at a plant, or a cat, or both

you’re gonna be just fine

and we can get through this together :)

even if it hurts now

i’m gonna go get some food i think

then probably sleep

by which i mean i’m gonna eat and find something to distract me for like another hour before i muster the courage to lay in bed and face my consciousness until i finally can stop thinking

damn

i’m gonna text her tomorrow, i think

if i get the chance

their kandi stuff might be arriving then?  maybe we’ll get together to make kandi stuff on monday or something

anyway i definitely have adhd

too late at night to move the end of the post to the actual end though so

goodnight, beautiful people

love,

emelio

[inkskinned]

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-. 

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound. 

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it 

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn��t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it 

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression. 

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost. 

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed 

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

[enbyboiwonder]

Tagged by @frozenmemories1987

So I don’t really understand how this one works, so I’m just gonna answer all the questions and number them consecutively. Upfront I’m gonna say that I’m not tagging anyone, but as always, if you wish to do it, consider yourself tagged. Also, this is going under a read more. Save the thumbs of any mobile users

01. What was the last movie you watched in theaters?

It’s been months, so I can’t remember, sorry

02. What’s your favorite game to play?

Currently it’s Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker 2. I hadn’t played it since I got it (and beat it all in one go), and I forgot just how much I love this game. It’s like Pokémon meets Dragon Quest, and it’s amazing. On the one hand, making a team entirely of dragons might be a bad idea, but on the other hand, I freaking love dragons. I should probably synth one with a healing skillset if I’m gonna do that - possibly Cure-all since that’s got Multiheal. My current party is a Lv 20 great argon lizard named Rory, a Lv 24 slime stack with Cure-all named Sticker, and a Lv 19 aquestrian gladiator with Huntsman named Mizuno. When I leave them to their own devices, Mizuno really loves using Penny Pincher, which tbh I cannot fault him for - normal damage plus the chance to pinch a few gold coins? Heck yes. At least he’s got 44 MP, so I haven’t had to change his tactics to “Don’t Use Magic” yet (the skill costs 2 MP)

03. Chocolate or vanilla?

Chocolate

04. What’s the last show you binge-watched?

NUMB3RS (though I’m still working on that one)

05. Do you have any pets?

No

06. What’s your favorite fairy tale?

I dunno. I don’t actually read very many fairy tales

07. Who’s your favorite superhero?

Superhero stuff doesn’t normally appeal to me, but I do like Cisco Ramon/Vibe and Ray Palmer/The Atom from CW’s Arrowverse

08. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?

Erm, Rapunzel, I guess?

09. Where’s the first place you’re going to go after social distancing is over?

I know I’m gonna hang out with my friend like we were planning to before this started, but as for where... probably Barnes & Noble since that’s where we usually go, but who knows (I say, knowing full well that neither of us know where to go, and we go to HPB when we’re specifically looking for a book but default to B&N bc of the café and seating area)

10. Cookies or cake?

Cookies

11. What show could you watch over and over?

Monk, CSI, and Psych, to name a few

12. Favorite song lyric?

See, I have to believe that there’s more than this seems More than a soul in a boat in a sea of sinking dreams And I have to be sure that there’s gonna be a cure ‘Cause, somewhere down the line, I lost that part of me that’s pure

 - Where We Belong by Thriving Ivory

13. Favorite season of your favorite TV show?

S14 of CSI, probably

14. What never fails to make you smile/happy?

Seeing I’ve got a comment on AO3

15. How are you doing with all that’s going on in the world (coronavirus, having to do social distancing, etc.)?

My lifestyle hasn’t changed at all, though for some reason I’ve actually been getting way more crocheting and video-gaming done than usual (at the expense, of course, of less reading and writing and TV-watching. Unfortunately). But we have lost business at the doughnut shop so I haven’t been working as many days - usually I work Monday and Friday - which, on the one hand, less money, but on the other hand, I’ve gotten more rest so my bruised ribs (from coughing; I had strep about a month and a half ago, and that always leaves me with a cough for a while, though it’s never been this bad before) are mostly healed now

16. We all love new music to listen to. Name an artist that is underrated/you think people should check out:

Thriving Ivory/Midnight Cinema (same band, different songwriters; Thriving Ivory is more piano-driven and leans more toward alt/alt-rock, while Midnight Cinema is more pop)

17. TV shows or movies?

TV shows

18. Favorite holiday?

Halloween

19. A song that describes you:

I’ve always related to Some Kind of Home by Thriving Ivory

20. Describe your tumblr in three words:

“hella queer animal-lover” idk

21. What’s your favorite hobby?

It depends on my mood, but rn it’s crocheting!

22. What’s your favorite book and/or a really good book you’ve read recently?

CSI: Miami: Cut and Run by Donn Cortez is amazing. I read it back in January and then reread it this month. Probably will be rereading it again before long tbh

Another really good one I’ve read recently is How Rory Thorne Destroyed the Multiverse by K. Eason. It just came out like six months ago, so the second one won’t be out any time soon, but I am ready for it when it does (more than ready, actually; I can’t wait)

23. What’s your favorite ship that will never happen (or hasn’t happened yet)?

I really wish they had done something with Greg/Hodges. I mean, they had the perfect setup for it in 11.07 Bump and Grind, what with their “man-dates” (that never get mentioned again)!! Their man-dates become a regular thing that they do like every week or whatever, eventually they realize that they’re actual dates and have been for a while and they start consciously dating. Maybe Greg already knows he’s bi and is totally cool with it, maybe David’s been repressed and realizes that, oh, that’s why something’s always seemed like it was missing when he tried dating before: he’s gay.

Unsurprisingly, I have a few 11.07 fics in my WIPs

(But also, considering CSI’s track record with respecting queer people [poor], I’m kinda glad they didn’t. Woulda been nice, though, long as they'da done it right)

A ship that I’m really hoping will happen is Penelope and Schneider from One Day at a Time. I love them so much

24. If you could spend the day with any living celebrity, who would it be?

I would rather meet a celebrity in passing than spend a day with them. I am far too awkward and anxious, and I’m afraid it would not be an enjoyable experience for either of us

25. The best worst movie you’ve ever seen - a movie that you know objectively is trash but you can’t help but really enjoy it:

I don’t think I have any like this

26. When you read, do you prefer an eReader or an actual, physical book?

Paper books all the way, baby

27. Favorite movie?

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, probably

28. What does a normal day look like for you?

I stay in bed reading or playing games on my phone (or, more recently, on my DS) for as long as possible, dick around on here for a while whilst also trying to get at least some SwagBucks in another window, try not to forget to eat lunch, play the free money apps I have on my phone while either listening to music on my laptop or watching shows either on my laptop or the TV, try not to forget to eat dinner, watch some more TV or get some reading or gaming in, try not to stay up too late, take over an hour to fall asleep, maybe if I’m lucky get some writing done at some point during any of this (and if I’m really lucky it won’t be while I’m trying to sleep, but usually it is, damn brain)

29. Have you ever watched a show/movie for one character? If so, who?

Normally when I watch something specifically for someone, it’s for an actor I like, but I started watching CW’s The Flash specifically for Cisco Ramon (well, and Harry Wells and their relationship, but mostly Cisco) and Legends of Tomorrow specifically for Ray Palmer, whom I fell in love with in his ep on The Flash lol

30. What is your ultimate concert (musicians/bands from any period, alive or dead)?

I don’t go to concerts (they seem like they’d be very overwhelming), so, none, I guess

31. Book that you were forced to read in school that you hated the most:

God, I fucking hated To Kill a Mockingbird. Actually, I think the only one I actually liked was The Importance of Being Earnest

[kae-karo]

Katie I’m about to fly completely on my own for the first time this Friday and I’m pretty anxious about it. Do you have any advise you could give me about flying/the airport/packing/anything really? Thank you in advance :S x

hi b! ooooookay wow finally the 38 flights i went on last year will come in handy!

packing:

okay traveling by yourself if you’ve never done it before won’t necessarily impact your packing - just be sure that if you have a small carry-on bag that you don’t have any liquids over 2.5oz and remember that like. if you forget something, a lot of hotels (if that’s where you’re staying) will have stuff you can use for free, just ask them. worst case they usually have some stuff you can buy but most places are like really nice. if you’re staying with friends/family, just ask if you forgot something!

most people usually do like a carry-on bag and a checked bag, but just do whatever you normally do, and then make sure your carry-on has your id/passport, your phone, a charger for said phone, your wallet, any meds you have or anything you can’t go for the entire flight without, and then something to do on the plane (book, game, laptop, tablet, etc)

my necessities: phone, wallet, passport if i’m going international, keys cause i usually have to get back in my house after lmao, laptop, chargers for laptop and phone, a portable charger, headphones

here’s the hard tip: acknowledge that you probably will forget something. i literally travel almost every month of the year and i forget one thing every time. but it’s gonna be okay. as long as you have your id/passport/wallet and phone, things will be okay

before you travel:

okay so i have the apps for like all the major airlines and i usually try to check myself in right when i’m allowed to (24hr before). if you’re on southwest, set yourself a reminder so you can check in exactly 24hr before the flight and make sure you get a decent boarding number cause they do it on first come first serve

otherwise, just check in and save a screenshot of your boarding pass to your phone. i usually just do everything with the boarding pass in the app or saved to my photos but you can get a paper copy at the airport as well, and don’t stress if you lose it or w.e once you’re past security cause the gate attendants can print a new one (or you can just use the mobile)

oh the other thing here is you can sometimes choose a different seat whilst checking in? so if you see the one that’s assigned to you and you Don’t Like It, see if any others are available that you might prefer. i always go for the closest aisle seat to the front when traveling alone

and ofc you’ll want to make sure you have some kind of plan for once you arrive at your destination for how you’ll be getting wherever you’re going - taxi, uber, ride from friend/fam, public transport, whatever, just kind of have an idea what you need to do so you’re not stressing once you land

this one is one that doesn’t apply to me, but definitely something to check and look into if needed: if you have any special requirements or needs whilst in the airport or flying, ie wheelchairs or special accommodations or w.e, make sure you know what you have to do when you arrive

leaving for the airport:

okay first and foremost, depending on your airport, you’ll want to be sure you arrive at least 1.5hr early (this is like my personal rule of thumb bc i usually fly in and out of moderately large airports and i have Massive Paranoia about traveling for some reason?? even though i take like 12+ trips a year? but most places require no less than 40ish minutes ahead of time, that’s like super tight though i do Not recommend) - keep in mind like. traffic and stuff, if you’re going to the airport during rush hour or w.e make time for that

if you’re not familiar with your airport and like getting in (bc there’s usually a massive amount of like exits and ‘turn here for this’ sort of things) talk to someone who is familiar with it or like. google maps it ahead of time and street view walk yourself through it, whatever you need to do to feel comfy so if you’re the one driving, you know where to go to park/etc. if you’re ubering or having someone drop you off, just be sure you know which airline you’re on as they’ll drop you off in the right place

checking in:

okay if you’re already checked in and you don’t have a checked bag, you can head straight to security, but if you do need to check your bag, use the kiosks they’re always faster and you don’t have to wait in line. it’s pretty self-explanatory, usually, just enter the identifying info and it’ll probably note that you’re already checked in and just say you have a bag to check. you can also print a physical boarding pass here if you want. the kiosk will print out your luggage tag and just follow the instructions to attach it to the bag. there’ll be like a drop off point (they’re usually p well-labeled) up by the actual people at desks so just head up there and have your id/passport and boarding pass ready cause they’ll want to check them

security:

okay 9 times out of 10 you probably will Not have tsa precheck but if you do, it’ll be somewhere on your boarding pass and you should look for/ask someone about the nearest tsa precheck line. it’s just convenient, cause you don’t have to remove laptops or take your shoes off and it’s usually the shortest line

if you don’t have tsa precheck, just find the nearest (and shortest) security line and have your id and boarding pass ready. if you’re using a mobile boarding pass, lock your screen rotation if you’ll be using the picture you took instead of the app (this is the most annoying thing lmao i’ve done it too many times and usually just try to use the app when i can cause it’ll lock the rotation and go full brightness automatically). then you’ll have to put the phone on the lil scanner and it’ll beep when it’s scanned and done

now, again, if you have any special needs whilst going through security, you’re probably familiar with what you’d have to do if it differs from the standard procedure, but otherwise just go through as you normally would

between security and boarding:

do whatever u want basically. get food, if you need it or if you think you’ll need it whilst on the flight. drinks are usually hella expensive so i try to bring my refillable water bottle (empty!) and then refill once i’m past security

basically how you spend this time is totally up to you. i usually grab food as needed then go chill by my gate, if it’s an airport i’m familiar with and i know how long it’ll take to get wherever i need to go, but you may be more comfy just finding your gate first and then sticking nearby to get anything you need. also i’m a big fan of the charging areas which a lot of airports have now, so if u wanna charge up i recommend

boarding:

every airline is different but there’ll usually be some kind of boarding group or order listed on your boarding pass, so just keep that in mind (ie american has like,,,,6 boarding groups? united has 9, southwest has their whole a/b/c groups, etc etc etc i think one even has like a 2a 2b or something idk that might’ve been in the uk but just look on your boarding pass) if you’re confused or w.e don’t be afraid to ask one of the gate attendants that stand at the front

basically nothing here is all that different if you’re alone, just pay attention when they start boarding and listen for your group, same rule of thumb goes with turning your phone on screen-rotation lock when you go to scan your boarding pass (if it’s the mobile pic you saved)

the goal here with boarding is to go as quickly as you can, but don’t stress if it takes you a second to get in your row! it’s okay, people aren’t as in a rush as they seem. definitely try to fit ur stuff under your seat cause otherwise it’s a pain to get up and get it from the overhead bins

the flight:

honestly just sit back relax and do whatever u normally do! usually there’s no reason this would be any different when traveling alone. aside from sitting near strangers which is annoying sometimes but in my experience if u pop some headphones in everyone leaves u alone

after the flight:

i mean generally just head out into the airport u landed in and look for baggage claim signs - regardless of whether u checked a bag or not, most ground transport out of the airport is near the baggage claim. so just follow signs (and generally the people leaving the plane) and make your way there. if you get lost, again, don’t feel bad abt asking someone to point you in the right direction

if u have a bag, most places have a display board that says which baggage claim you’re at (if they didn’t announce it on the plane when you landed) and you can wait there

once ur done, depending on your mode of transport out, you can follow signs! many of the bigger airports now have designated sections for rideshares like uber and lyft as well 

i hope that helps b! you’ll be fine, don’t stress too much :) i hope you’re traveling for a good/fun reason at least!

[fairycosmos]

hey so im 17 and i have a lot of acne on my face and stuff and like. a lot of it is bc im very anxious so i end up picking at my face and sometimes i don’t have enough energy to shower/wash my face as much as i should and i Know celebrities aren’t a fair metric but like.......i realized that im really one of the only girls in my grade that still has bad acne?? and i just feel. ugly?? my face is always cover it acne and red spots?? like i don’t think other people w acne are ugly but. hhhhh.

hey man me too!! i have pretty bad acne on my face/sometimes on my shoulders and i completely understand how much it can impact your self esteem. the main cause of it is probably your hormones since you’re 17 and they’re still out of wack, you know? it’s really a very common, every day thing. it’s probably going to calm down as you get older. while it may seem like the other girls in your year have it all figured out, they’re dealing with puberty and adolescence in the same way that you are. you only see a very surface level impressions of their lives, so comparison is pointless. but look, if you’re noticing small details in your routine that you know you need to improve upon, then using that self awareness and actually acting on it is the next step. obviously acne is literally nothing to be ashamed of at all, and it’s as normal as body hair and moles and other natural human occurrences. but if it’s having a massively negative effect on your mental well being, then that’s the only reason you should want to work on it - as a form of self care. do a little bit of research about the type of skin that you have. once you know, see if you can try out a cleansing solution that works for your skin. dont use harsh or heavily scented products. you have may have to try out a few different things to find a good one. see if you can get into some sort of routine. it literally can begin with doing it once a week, and sometimes you may not even manage that, and that’s alright. as long as you’re trying, you’re doing well enough. if that feels like too much, maybe you could try facial cleansing wipes instead, they’re significantly more convenient. and idk what the healthcare situation is like where you live, but asking your doctor to refer you to a dermatologist is also an option you could consider with your parents, if that’s at all possible. i’m thinking of doing it myself. seeing a specialized consultant and taking personalized advice can do wonders, you know? the only other manageable thing is your diet. try your best to make healthy choices and make the conscious choice to drink more water. 

it’s very cool that you can recognize that acne doesn’t make others ugly. you can use that to understand on a more realistic level that it doesn’t detract from your looks, either. if you’re prone to low self confidence, then your mind will amplify the problem and make it into a bigger deal than it actually is. while i think it’s completely pointless to worry about beauty when it’s such a subjective and fleeting thing, when it doesn’t have anything to do with who you are, i completely understand why you feel the way you do. because i’m in the same boat. and i hate myself for hating the way i look, but i still do. and it’s because we’ve both been conditioned into believing in a completely unobtainable ideal, right? that’s just the truth. so if we can accept that fact, then we can realize that there is always going to be something we’re unhappy with when it comes to our bodies. because that’s what we’re taught, so they can make money off of our self hatred. you could have perfect skin and you’d still have insecurities. you can try all of the things i listed above, and still have acne. so my point is, a stable sense of self love/self appreciation has to transcend your body and the way it looks. this is deeper than your skin. to find true comfort you have to actively work on being okay with who you are every day. use self affirmations, notice all of your good traits and the fact that they haven’t disappeared just cause you have spots. try not to commodify yourself and your body. you’re not for consumption, you don’t owe the world a level of perfection that isn’t even real. you know there’s no wrong way to exist. so, try to practice complete self acceptance in the quiet moments you spend alone. even if you feel stupid doing it at first. you can have acne and still look in the mirror and be happy with what you see. next time you stare at your reflection, try to find three positive things about it. force yourself to. fight the urge to fixate on something that is out of your hands. as a side note, it’s also always good to remember that we focus on our own flaws 1000x more than anyone else does. it’s definitely more noticeable to you than it is to others. they’re too busy worried about themselves, and how they look, just like you are.

i think it’s also worth noting that the two things you’re worried about - not having the motivation to wash your face, and picking at your skin - are symptoms of more serious, complex issues that you need to get help with before you worry about anything else. of course, idk the details of what’s going on and i’m not trying to assume anything. but when you’re dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil/mental stress, and you’re keeping it all bottled up inside, it’s very common for it to manifest in physical habits/ticks. you need to confront the root causes of your anxiety/your mental exhaustion, because the rest is just a symptom of that. get to the heart of the problem, instead of trying to deal with the consequences of it first. if you haven’t done so already, i’d really recommend talking to your doctor or maybe a school counselor or your parents about what’s happening. i know it sounds like the worst idea in the world, and i know it feels a lot more complex than that, but you genuinely don’t have to deal with this all by yourself. your brain wants you to believe that you need to stay quiet so you’re easier to control, but in reality, that’s not the case. there is support available. there is a way to make this all feel lighter, and to cope in a healthier way. and yeah, it’s a bit embarrassing to talk about what’s going on in your head. you dont even have to want to do it. you just have to try to accept it as a viable option. please don’t let your head talk you out of considering it, okay? you can’t control the circumstances you find yourself in but you honestly can control how you cope with them. anyway i’m sorry this is so long and i really hope you’re able to find some confidence and peace of mind soon. you deserve it. let me know if you need a friend or someone to talk to, i’ll be here.

[phoutube]

yeah my brain always defaults to them, which is great bc i never really get bored bc anytime i'm not doing something else my brain just starts thinkin abt them. sorry i took so long to reply (is that what it is? is this sort of like messaging?????) i had a decent sleep for the first time in like a week and a half and i'm riding that high. i also Finally finished my fic last night and i'm gonna edit through it rn and hope my beta doesn't execute me (it's 23k words) 1/2

i always am scared of having beta's that i'm not close friends w because i feel like they'll be super upset with me or say everything i do is shit, which technically isn't what happens but but but. btw how was your day today?? what's your favourite colour??? i tend to talk too much about myself - ii hoodie anon 2/2

yeah, my brain does that too! it’s more entertaining to think about dan and phil than to sit staring at a wall for an hour. 

I don’t know if this is a sort of messaging?? I kinda love it because it feels like messaging puts some sort of pressure on me. this is a lot easier, for some reason. I really like talking to you!

also decent sleep?? idk her but I’m glad you’re feeling good

HOLY SHIT THAT’S A LOT I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!! I’ve got like a shaky 11k on mine right now and no ideas plot-wise. and yeah, I remember posting about a month and a half ago asking for beta readers... and the two people who replied were amazing!! I get what you mean about being anxious to have people reading and commenting on your stuff.... constructive criticism also tends to make me SUPER nervous even though it’s really helpful

my day was pretty okay?? I basically lounged around and did nothing which isn’t the worst way to spend your time. I really like purple and dark gray/black, but literally every color is so beautiful asdfghjkl

also I love it when you talk about yourself!! you’re a really cool person to talk to and i love getting asks from you

[demonbutch]

u have to do 1-100 now u know that right >:3c (or 4, 14, 20, 25, 34, 58, 84 & 94 if u dont have time)

sfdjkshf this took literal hours

1- Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

i don’t actually use any of these, but ig i would be more likely to make a spotify account than the others!!

2- is your room messy or clean?

very messy rip

3- what color are your eyes?

blue!!

4- do you like your name? why?

i mean it’s better than my birth name, but i also want to try different names i guess?? one day i’ll find the right one

5- what is your relationship status?

single lmao

6- describe your personality in 3 words or less

anxious gay mess

7- what color hair do you have?

pink/red!!

8- what kind of car do you drive? color?

i don’t drive!! D’:

9- where do you shop?

i do most of the shopping at lidl, and occasionally food deliveries from tesco or sainsbury’s

10- how would you describe your style?

dad clothes but better

11- favorite social media account

i’m honestly not too sure?? i tend to just consume social media as one whole thing rather than noticing specific blogs or accounts etc.

12- what size bed do you have?

double bed!!

13- any siblings?

nope!! i’m an only child!

14- if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

i always wanted to live somewhere quiet and remote but lately i’ve been really wanting to spend more time in cities?? i wanna make more friends and see more places, york is probably my favourite city

15- favorite snapchat filter?

the demon filter!! also the one w the cute glasses and leaves!!

16- favorite makeup brand(s)

rimmel on the basis that it’s the only one i can use without allergic reactions lmao

17- how many times a week do you shower?

at least once a day, sometimes more bc it’s the only warm place in the house lmao

18- favorite tv show?

pokemon, especially sun and moon!!

19- shoe size?

6-7 depending on the make!!

20- how tall are you?

5ft7″

21- sandals or sneakers?

sneakers!!

22- do you go to the gym?

nope, but i would like to one day!! either that or get a treadmill or something so i can run without fear of people or cars

23- describe your dream date

probably somewhere like botanical gardens/nature reserves/museums and just looking at all the plants and stuff or honestly just staying home and napping

nap dates good

24- how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

like £12 or so i’m too lazy to count the change

25- what color socks are you wearing?

navy and purple!!

26- how many pillows do you sleep with?

pillow!! fort!! pillow!! fort!! at least four, more if i can find them

27- do you have a job? what do you do?

i volunteer at a small florist in town, but i’m hoping to find an actual paid job that i could do soon bc i am,, broke and feel bad about not working

28- how many friends do you have?

i always worry that i’m gonna miss someone when i answer questions like this sjfjsfkd, there’s seven people that i speak to regularly

29- whats the worst thing you have ever done?

if we’re talking about the things we regret most, probably dating my ex, it was a really unhealthy relationship and is still having a pretty bad effect on my mental health years later rip

30- whats your favorite candle scent?

unscented candles lmao, i find all of the sceneted ones too strong and i get headaches really quickly rip

31- 3 favorite boy names

ryan, kai, liam

32- 3 favorite girl names

i’m honestly not too sure about this one rip

33- favorite actor?

do the mcelroys count as actors?? all four mcelroys

34- favorite actress?

elise bauman

35- who is your celebrity crush?

i don’t really have one tbh but it used to be katie mcgrath

36- favorite movie?

the carmilla movie

37- do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i used to read a lot but my concentration and focus has become shit since i finished school, some of my favourite books were “the sight” by david clement davies, “when women were warriors” by catherine m wilson and “the long way to a small angry plant” by becky chambers

38- money or brains?

what is this in relation to?? i do not know

39- do you have a nickname? what is it?

not really, my name’s pretty hard to shorten lmao

40- how many times have you been to the hospital?

numerous times for migraines and allergies, but nothing significant to actually keep count of

41- top 10 favorite songs

forests - tom rosenthal

movement - hozier

hugging you - tom rosenthal

nina cried power - hozier

shrike - hozier

nfwmb - hozier

common tongue - hozier

take me to church - hozier

pyramid - jason webley

big houses - squalloscope

i love,, hozier,,

42- do you take any medications daily?

nope

43- what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

dry i guess

44- what is your biggest fear?

anything medical, especially needles

45- how many kids do you want?

none, i don’t think i’d make a very good parent

46- whats your go to hair style?

scruffy and windswept lmao

47- what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

i guess it’d be considered like a medium house?? idk

48- who is your role model?

when i was younger it’d have been some of my teachers but now i really don’t know

49- what was the last compliment you received?

mum complimented my eyebrows earlier

50- what was the last text you sent?

some boring work stuff

51- how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

six or seven??

52- what is your dream car?

something cheap that won’t explode when i turn the engine on lmao

53- opinion on smoking?

you do you, just be mindful of others near you

54- do you go to college?

i finished college earlier this year!!

55- what is your dream job?

anything not related to retail and customer service, ideal if it also involves plants

56- would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

i’d have always answered this w rural before, but honestly probably suburbs now

57- do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

no

58- do you have freckles?

a few, but they’re very faint!! they were a lot more noticable when i was younger

59- do you smile for pictures?

no i’m an edgy bastard, i hate my smile sgdjskkf

60- how many pictures do you have on your phone?

over 3000, i should delete some but i’m attached to these blurry photos of my dogs

61- have you ever peed in the woods?

i mean,, who hasn’t??

62- do you still watch cartoons?

yeah!!!

63- do you prefer chicken nuggets from wendy’s or mcdonalds?

we don’t have wendy’s here so mcdonalds it is

64- favorite dipping sauce?

ketchup and bbq sauce are the only acceptable dips

65- what do you wear to bed?

usually a shirt and boxers

66- have you ever won a spelling bee?

never entered one!

67- what are your hobbies?

drawing, playing video games, listening to podcasts, bingewatching entire series on netflix

68- can you draw?

sometimes, sometimes

69- do you play an instrument?

only the recorder which i’ve not really done since i was 8, i’d love to learn guitar though

70- what was the last concert you saw?

i saw welcome to night vale live in 2015, and jason webley also played music there!

71- tea or coffee?

they both suck, but tea is more tolerable

72- starbucks or dunkin donuts?

starbucks, never had dunkin donuts

73- do you want to get married?

WIFE,, yes

74- what is your crush’s first and last initial?

75- are you going to change your last name when you get married?

i would like to, yes!!

76- what color looks best on you?

i’d say probably reds and browns idk

77- do you miss anyone right now?

yeah D:

78- do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed, i really hate doors being open they make me anxious

79- do you believe in ghosts?

yeah

80- what is your biggest pet peeve?

hypocrisy and people being unnecessarily rude or harsh rip

81- last person you called?

my mum, she’s the only person i’ll ever call lol

82- favorite ice cream flavor?

honeycomb or butterscotch

83- regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular oreos are better

84- chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

rainbow sprinkles, do i legally have any other choice,,

85- what shirt are you wearing?

a binder

86- what is your phone background?

some art of one of my characters!

87- are you outgoing or shy?

very shy

88- do you like it when people play with your hair?

sometimes, but i’ve really gotta be in the right mood for it and i can only stand it for a short period of time rip

89- do you like your neighbors?

i’ve never spoken to them, but i mostly just hear them arguing with each other so i’ve not got the best impression lmao

90- do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

both

91- have you ever been high?

92- have you ever been drunk?

i’ve never been drunk or high, i won’t drink for various reasons

93- last thing you ate?

one of those little frosted fancy cake things

94- favorite lyrics right now

I want trees instead of gravestones, nothing to confessI got a soft spot for your ancient books full of horror storiesI got a music in my head from long, long, ago and far, far awayAnd I still hum its tune, but how could I believe every word it says to me?

95- summer or winter?

winter!

96- day or night?

night!

97- dark, milk, or white chocolate?

milk chocolate

98- favorite month?

october bc of autumn and halloween

99- what is your zodiac sign

pisces!

100- who was the last person you cried in front of?

the nurse at one of my appointments the other day rip