#bc it hurts so bad and i cant stop it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

krotiation · 8 months ago

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Feeling absolutely distraught over the face Rhys makes when he realizes just what he's gonna have to do to himself to cut Jack off

And Jack's face when he realizes that oh. This is actually happening. This is really it

#cant mansplain manspread manipulate yourself out of this one #one thing i will always love abt jacks writing is how you sorta get manipulated by him through the screen #despite knowing everything you know about him #and this scene + angels death segment is such good examples of that bc they really make you feel Bad #so imagine how rhysie feels when he has to literally rip jack out of his body right in front of him #while jack is pleading with him to stop #it doesnt matter that he tried to strangle him just moments ago because truly? things could have ended differently and thats what hurts most #and rhys is forced to learn that he cant “fix” jack or placate him enough to just let him go #rhack #txt #babe wake up new rhack ramble just dropped #im going insane

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ganondoodle · 2 months ago

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I am sorry to hear that the depression has stolen your spark.

I want you to know that you are the sole reason I gave Skyward Sword a chance. Your art was so beautiful and compelling that I just had to know about the media it came from.

Your art introduced me to an incredible community that years later, I am still benefitting from. Your art was the gateway, and I've always been thankful to you for that.

I hope your spark realights, and I hope you can kick depression right in its ass.

i- i did that????? qoq

yes im reviving old reaction pictures

i hope im not ruining the mood bc .. this legitimately made me tear up and i kept thinking of this ever since receiving the ask-

but bc i cant keep my mouth shut (i apologize if you are already well aware of all this i just .. like to talk i guess), i ... idk i have said this before but i feel incredibly conflicted about demise (am i allowed to like him??? do i even like him when i changed him so much??? am i a fraud fan????) and the game he comes from, i .. dont actually like skyward sword that much, or, not as much as it may seem like (my favorite is windwaker, second is botw), every now and then i even feel guilty for demise being my blorbo tm- as much as i love him im under no illusion what his introduction to the series did, the games lore is not .. great, it seems to have kickstarted the decline of the series writing and completely torpedoed any sort of fandom discussion by making zelda a literal reincarnation of the good tm gods of love and light and peace and everything good tm uwu and pit her against an evil demonnnnn that just crawled out the earth one day (??) and was only evil and bad and dark and hate incarnate an hated the good tm gods bc hes jsut so eviiiil, it gave rise to the utter dissmissal of any sort of ganondorf related discussions (funny how it only seems to apply to ganondorf, and none of the other villains hmmmmmmmmmmmm) bc, while not confirmed confirmed (though the fandom likes to pretend that), hes now widely seen as a reincarnation of demise and thus, doesnt need nuance or be given any grace or thought bc apparently when you say someone is a demon (or its reincarnation, which i dont believe ganondorf is, to be clear) that means its fine to not give them any thought bc demons are just evil tm and thats ok and good writing actually (wat????)

(if you take skysw as canonically how it all went down bc my interpretation makes it all be a fabricated lie so the gods can play their little games, there is no godess reincarnation, that was a lie to make way for an opressive kingdom belivieing itself to be irrevocably good no matter what they do etc)

it also cheapens any of the past entries, all of them have been flattened by this, why disscuss ganondorfs motivation lol, he just be a demon/demons puppet, zelda could never be wrong or do bad things bc she literal incarnation of goodness uwu etc- (and then totk, only the second game after skysw, retreads its points and makes it even worse while ALSO trampeling over that game imo)

i dont like saying it, but i do feel a little alienated even from ganondorf fans (i love him too!!!!!) bc they hate demise, and rightfully so, it feels weird having your main blorbo be the reason your second fav is constantly done dirty, why you cant even talk about anything critically bc 'iTs jUst a sIMpLe fAiRytALe' now and part of the reason the lore in general has gone to shit, and i dont know how much i can talk about that before i become an obnoxious 'well ACTUALLY my blorbo, who is the reason for all this, is ALSO done dirty and im gonna explain away the bad stuff via my completely noncanon reinterpretation-' guy, or if i already am what im doing with destiny is like .. my way of trying to fix it and make it interesting again? though at this point i guess im falling into the category of people who change their blorbo so much that there really isnt anythign left of the og, which worries me alot, though i wonder if thats even possible given how little there is to him in the first place, i so often see viral posts that make me feel guilty or conflicted for the way i work with media, "actually my blorbo did all those crimes and thats good you all who need to explain away the bad things are weak and annoying!!" "people who change their favs until they barely resemble the character anymore should just make an oc instead!!"-

i dont know if i take these types of posts too literally, i dont know when or how they apply, but it always circles around in my head, i know not everyone can like what you do, but i want to work with the material i have in an interesting way, not a puritanical way (or however you call that), its not in my mind every second, but it nevertheless makes me doubt what i do with my fanworks anytime i talk about them-

... this wasnt really the point of the message was it ... apologies, i hope not every ask will devolve into a sort of mini rant ;__; i dont mean to invalidate what you said, (and im not saying skyward sword is all bad, its full of charm, from characters to designs, just the lore is .. damaging) it is incredibly touching bc me or my art having a positive impact on people blindsides me every single time like "WHAT??? IMPOSSIBLE you MUST be thinking of someone else, no way i could do that", when something gets brought up my thoughts just kinda start pouring out, i thought about deleting everything i wrote, but then felt like that wouldnt be as genuine anymore (i am not normal tm after all and im long past a point pretending otherwise) and have wasted another hour for nothing, so im gonne leave it in and hope, pray even, it comes across correctly

q-q

#ganondoodles answers #ganondoodles talks #zelda #i guess i have a problem with things that could be interesting but arent #i couldnt really think of anything to do with windwaker though its my fav zelda game #but to reinvent the whole lore the entire franchise is based on is my thing!!#and i hate totk like no other game yet i keep making art for my rewrite of it #i guess its the thing that drives people mad #when something is bad when it shouldnt have been #or in case of skysw its like .... ok you gave me room to recontextualize literally everything here i goooo #i really hope they dont try to put anything before skysw #i like when something doesnt have a lot of lore bc it lets me be creative with everything while still fit it to the rest #i think this ask was more mant to just be a compliment #but when im given an opening i WILL talk bout whavetever is occupying my mind #and i saw multiple people talk about skysw so ... thats that i guess #also .. just letting myself talkabout doubts and stuff is just kinda .. distracting from everything else #and i need to stop playing stardew bc my thumb nd eye hurt when i woke up so ... mandatory break #already planning to do too much for all these asks .. gotta force myself to just answer #and not plan out the most elaborate drawings ever in an attempt to give back as much as i can to the ppl who sent them #bc i cant! do all of that! argh!

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moeblob · 8 months ago

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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

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autopsytableromance · 2 months ago

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Evan kelmp man that you are ……………..

#the psychosis metaphor. the guard dog nature. it’s not a wound it’s just healed badly. i realize this thing is just here to hurt people and #I think man I know that song and I keep kicking. telling stories that are normal to you to get a worried looks and ppl asking if you’re okay #literally brennans explanation of how evan felt fighting that salamander was so.#this character was created in a lab to make me specifically crazy. and boy oh boy is it working !#I can’t get over aabria referring to his arm as ‘not a wound just healed badly’ and that the only way to fix it is to break it again and k #being so convinced they can help it’s so. I can’t put into words buts it’s so. that’s their whole everything.#evan isn’t broken he’s just healed wrong and people around him can’t or won’t accept that. and it’s coming from a good place (sometimes)#but it has the same effect in the long run which is the reinforcement that he is wrong and bad and needs to change but he CANT bc he HAS #healed. he isn’t carrying around an open wound he has worked on that but that shit never goes away. it’s there forever and it looks wrong an #scary to people and it probably always will but it works #he said it’s different metrics of success I kept the arm and then k tries to fix and he loses the arm. do you understand me.#do you you see. can anyone fucking hear me.#it’s about being so scary to the people you love that your success is still cause for concern and they don’t understand that you’re doing #better !! you are doing good !! I’m not sad anymore he said and it’s. oh god.#anyway mismag makes me feel ill if I think about it too long so I have to stop now #prsnl #mismag #🐦‍⬛

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dogbunni · 1 month ago

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cat needs to go to the vet again. I am on my hands and knees begging for a break pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

#he's been off his food since friday #ive tried him w different brands of wet foods #different foods like tuna and ham etc #he eats a few bites and then stops #he is so hungry he's being so annoying bc he wants food but then wont eat it #i think his teeth are hurting #he has FIV and that can come along w tooth decay which he like definitely has bc he has barely any teeth left #he's been on a soft food diet for a while now which was working really well until Friday #i think his teeth have gotten. worse. which is not good for my boy and also not good for my bank balance #like how do i afford cat dentistry as someone who cant work. the math isnt mathing #he's getting so many cuddles and cat yogurts rn tho i feel so bad for him #there's also the question of if his teeth need pulling is he even strong enough to go under anesthesia #like i said. FIV + he is a senior kitty now #he's my baby boy tho #im so fucking stressed this cat better rally #dogbunni diary log

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eldritch-araneae · 1 year ago

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Bumblebee Week Day 4 - Secret

I've been here waiting for the longest time I can't believe it's real You lose the battles that you never fight Can't hide from what you feel (Come on!) No more compromise This is do or die And now you've crossed the line You'll wake the beast inside No more compromise This is do or die I'll warn you one last time You'll wake the beast inside!

Song: Sonic Frontiers OST - Break Through It All

#bumblebeeweek2023 #bumblebee #transformers #maccadam #my art #sparkpulse au #i love how this art comes after the bad day art bc this is what happen when you dont learn the lesson and keep poking the beast with a stic #this is probably the worst time for Bee as he was trapped first and then seriously injured and then his spark shattered into pieces #and this fight was a huge mess because even his allies were confused and thought Bumblebee got corrupted and Windblade was unconscious #so she couldn't tell anyone to stop fighting Bee bc its literally just him #so Bee is very upset and he's hurt bc all his terribly memories rushed into his minds and remembering what exactly happened #meanwhile receiving help from below from another planet titan as she thought he was in danger #and she gave him some of resources so he can take on his actual form #anyways this is probably the most dramatic and intense moment in the whole story and cant wait until I get to this #like the fact I made this story because I envisioned this scene and it stuck with me ever since

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trainingdummyrabbit · 2 months ago

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they should really make the whole dealing with emotions thing easier ithink. maybe include a manual perhaps

#you need to process your emotions or itll hurt but also dont look at them too hard or itll hurt. like. okayyyy.#piktalk #sorry. in advance.#'stop eating so much bread and cheese and meat its unhealthy for you youll get sick eat more produce you need vitamins or youll die'#'anyway you need to stop wasting pizza sauce you never use it fast enough it goes bad. stop buying watermelon you clearly dont like it'#grisping. grisping. grisping. can you think for like 5 seconds please id love that a lot like a lot a lot.#<- girlies who r going to make the tomatosauce potentially unpalatable to me by putting it in the freezer #<- trying so hard to eat anything at all ever and feeling The Effects about it but cant say that bc hbgdhbf bgf gbfgbfbgbgg.#am i being hazed rightnow. (<- girlies who have been living like this for years)

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moomeecore · 3 months ago

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on that subject, obsessed with today when i was like "hey guys, can you two stop playing the jumping game for now because it's giving caden a headache" and my 6 yr old cousin is like "you mean 'me'. it's giving 'me' a headache, because your caden". it's like yeah man ur right. my bad . and then they stopped jumping. it was awesome

#the thing is like. the jumping hurt my headright away #but i let them do it for a while before they told them to stop. and then they did #and i think thats part of it too. for somw things you have to wait and let kids have whay they want for a while before swooping in and #asking for them to stop #so they dont feel super controlled #and like. as an autistic person I HAVE TO DO THAT ANYWAY USUALLY #there's so many adult people out there who i have to put up witj their noises because i KNOW if i ask for them to stop theyll get mad #or even on a lesser extent. like as an autistic person w my sorta issues. you have to a let a lot of things go that are genuenly painful #and stressful. bc if u ask people to do things too much they often get upset. even if theyre overall nice #same with kids #but with kids you get to ask them to stop way more and you get to ask earlier than you would with most adults #like. ill be trying to put up with somethinf and struggling and get to the ppont where im visibly shaking and stuttering and on the verge #of tears #and the mere request of 'could you turn the tv ofd #still gets whole ass adults telling me im entitled and bossy #meanwhile child will hear 'thats making me feel bad' and theyll hear that and theyll think about it #and often times theyll stop #and even when they dont they dont insult you!#and people still say little kids are annoying????#when i tell a little kid 'could you turn the sound off on the video game or take it to another room the sounds its making are upsetting me #they LISTEN.#adults have a strong tendency to #use the ironicallt imature logic of ' i like this thing. so it dosent matter if it is upsetting you. i like it so i want to have it. even #though we are in a shared space together. i wont change what im doing because i want to do the thing i like. and thats more important than #not upsetting you. because doing the thing i like makes ME feel good.'#like. litterallt this mindset is easily more promient in adults than small children 100% . on god #and its just about the most childish thing ever.#its understandable. but its immature #and with something this simple its silly people cant let that go. its not complex at all. its stop making noise it is hurting me. easy

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yutamayo · 4 days ago

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byeeee

#me literally thia afternoon discarding anime and posting about how i wish i had never gotten into it and how no one should watch anime but #really it was just about me slipping on seperating the fictional horrors from my actual horrors so watchong yuji claw at the ground #wasnt a “off gege ur horrible” it wS more of a #“i cant breathe im going to die i cant handle this life this is too much there is too much pain i wish i never put this visual in my mind”#and “genuinely i cant stop sobbing im so fucked up by this i remember reality now this is not good for me im going to fucking break”#but then i went back to “damn rhere are some good paralells i can make from this” and then saving the parallels in my to do list #so #shoutout mental illness #but really shoutout the terrifying ordeal of exostence and feelings i cant wait for my brain to get back to the usual compartmentalizing #and by compartmentalizing i mean detaching from reality bc i wont lie its great and it works and it does get better you just #have to get better at actively disociating. like fr practice stepping away from your feelings and accepting that nothing matter except what #u want to matter. and only let things that dont hurt matter.#once u get good at that its smooth sailing #❤️#mind over matter and manifest away ur mental illness #a.k.a. dont think just blank out the present until a treat shows up and then when that treat is done exit back into the blankness #fr im still alive bc of this srs theres nothing wrong with erasing the bad stuff #repression gets a bad hype bc ppl always confuse it with shit that will “come back to get u later lol thats only if ur not good enough at it #ive had minimal problems bc of this so far i rarely get triggered like that yuji thing came and went #forget everything until you want to absorb things that u want to absorb. repress if it keeps u alive. actually repress is a bad word for it #i feel “delete it” works better bc u shouldnt push it down #just delete it #teru mikami style #proof that light yagami did nothing wrong #gremlin hours #no. motivation quotes and life advice hours

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strawbrrrry · 2 months ago

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totally love that my pup needs stitches and i just cant afford it im so sorry little baby

#i literally thought it wasnt going to be that bad #but now im here feeling so bad bc my poor boy is hurt #and all i can do is medicate him #cant stop crying #i feel like a horrible pet parent #i wish i was priverlaged enough to afford the vet

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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im not lying when i say that i was just finally getting "over" totk, like i hate it still, but the immediate anger and need to rant has died down-

and then the elden ring DLC fucks with me in a very similar way, just even moreso focused on my favorite character in that entire franchise, completely unexpectedly, and the more i learn about it the worse it gets and now i feel even worse bc i dont have the energy anymore to get as angry as i did with totk and its just kinda ... depression and sadness ..

it was like the interest i could fall back to when zelda annoyed me too much or i needed a break from that and i was honestly thinking about doing more with it but now

i know i know i can always draw 'my own stuff' but being a fan of a piece of media or character is just fun and .. furfilling to me in a different way and now i feel so empty again ... and finding new things to obsess about is easier said and done bc i dont 'decide' to stop liking something and neither can just decide to obsess over something so im just kinda left hanging here ... and in a way, i still like it and care about it, frustratingly so, and dont WANT to just stop and find soemthign new ...

#ganondoodles talks #elden ring #zelda #in a way #AND it adds to me just ranting #and complaining #like i wasnt literallly a few days ago beating myself up about that #now i have the next thing #and its almost as bad as it was with totk #with the only difference being that i dont have the energy left to yell that much #and that its the second time now in such a short time span relatively to how long i keep my interests and how long it takes to find one #so in a way it hurts even worse #.... also when the whole thing is kinda bad then at least the whole thing is kinda bad #but here its like specifically my fav #and i dont want to and cant let him just .. go #but at the same time ............. its been so shifted around completely idk what to make of it #idk what the point was to make and present him like he was in the base game and then do such a turn in the DLC #and it feels less like he was someones important favorite nd more like most hated character #bc why would you do that to him like this #you can argue all you want about how it makes sense actually and wahtever but this is what i feel right now ok #what am i even drawing for anyway #what am i even thinking about any stories for anyway #why am i caring about anything anyway #i wish i knew and could stop

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hella1975 · 1 year ago

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girls after an average shift

#CANT FEEL MY LEGS 🧍🏻‍♀️#tbh i get bad joints sometimes like not awful it is just a little achey bc my mum’s arthritis genetics Got Me #and i woke up this morning and immediately was like. oh. this is gonna be bad isn’t it #and then clocked a 9 hour shift that literally didn’t have a single slow down #like when I tell you we were slammed off our feet from the moment I walked through the DOOR #and it was just a perpetual rush from that moment on. like i haven’t stopped. close was MIDNIGHT #my legs hurt so bad I feel like there’s metal in my knees. i feel like i need oiling #I’m sweaty and gross and tired and achey and I have another close shift TOMORROW #but it’s agricultural show weekend (hence the business) so a load of the waitresses ‘snuck’ outside (we pretend to clear glasses from the #outdoor tables) to watch the fireworks and it was pretty cute. like no matter how shit my job or shift is i do still love most of my #colleagues and we always have a proper laugh together. small victories #AND I GET PAID TODAY LETS GOOOOOOO #hella slaves to capitalism

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holedyke · 9 months ago

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of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵‍💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff

#i feel so so bad. tbh #tw for child abuse but i need to vent #i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through #anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just #has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have #been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have #saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that #no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most #i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point.#fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be?#broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest #h

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skitskatdacat63 · 9 months ago

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I wish AI images didn't make me so intensely upset. Just the existence of them bothers me a lot, because it's just clutter without meaning or emotion or any genuineness. But recently something happened that made me very upset, and I feel so irrational saying this, but it really gave me this sick, heart-wrenching feeling, and I wish it would stop. My mom was looking through Facebook, and showed me this image of birds that to me was so obviously AI. But she wasn't 100% sure it was fake, only telling me after I had told her it was definitely AI, that she had been a bit unsure about it.

I hate how intense my feelings are about it, bcs it made me want to irrationally almost infantalize her without meaning to. It just made me overwhelmingly sad that this is state of things. That people are being fed this imitation, this trash, and aren't familiar enough to recognize it all the time. Every time I think about it, it hurts my chest.

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princessmyriad · 1 month ago

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#personal #it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog #or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on #that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares #to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems #but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago #and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that #thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna #which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be #the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat #im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better #ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything #my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill #i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone #when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite #i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about #is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for #hours. a whole days worth of hours almost #my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room #in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now #all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help #the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again #lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time #like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of #would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles #24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave #or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people #but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able #to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave #anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time

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sgkjd · 2 months ago

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i feel. bad.

#i hate myself #and i just hate everything too fucking much #it hurts my chest #i cant stop crying like a fucking baby #and i have no one to share this too #bc me feeling bad happens too often #god. i hate this constant state of feeling like a parasite. i hate how i dont fit with the world and people ever #im just .. im just....i have nothing in me that's cozy. have nothing in me thats Resembles something human #i can perform it and fake it but once anyone gets close enough #im just so rotten ...i have nothing to give.and nothing in me where i could let others reside...im just..#an empty crushed an deformed can of coke #with some liquid still inside and when you pick it to throw it away you get some of it on your hands ...#and that immediate feeling of disgust.... that's what i feel like i am to people #; words generated by me

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