#bc in reality I shouldn’t even be worrying about this rn

[koibish]

I think I’ve been very disciplined and I’ve learned to manage my anxiety/depression as well as can be expected but I just can’t forget the time my son’s doctor was telling me to take advantage of every early childhood service we could because “someday he’ll be a man and he won’t be cute anymore and no one will care to help”.

I think of those words and I want to break down. What happens when I’m old? Or worse, when I inevitably die and leave him all alone. Who will love him as hard as I do? Who will make sure he is comfortable and fulfilled when he’s an old man that can’t do anything for himself and not a silly little cutie boy?

[webslingingslasher]

“hey, i might not wait til marriage but you are and that's fucking cool”🥹🥹🥹 this is so cute and made me feel so good AHHH <3

okay I need to SPILL.

first I wanna say i know this isn’t a big deal and when I eventually talk to him about it, he’ll be reassuring but I’m freaking out first and i wanna talk to the girlies first instead, but I do feel like I can tell him (bc if u can’t talk ab these things w someone, you shouldn’t have sex w them in the first place)

but bro I am FREAKING out HDNDNDND. we’ve been looking at rings. he hasn’t proposed because he said he still wants me to be surprised and stuff but we got carried away talking one night and he let it slip that he wants to marry me and somehow we started looking at rings. we went to a couple shops just to get general ideas bc I have no idea what I want!!

ANYWAYS. I was super excited and I had a full blown freak out earlier😀 I’ve been waiting til marriage my whole life (I’m 23) but he hasn’t, he had multiple sexual partners in high school and college and a couple before he met me. I was just thinking ab our future wedding night bc it’s getting super real now and I don’t think it’ll be that far in the future and I was like omfg. this whole wait and it’ll be over in one night. like “that’s so exciting, FINALLY” type thing bc the wait has been hard😭 I’m just a girl and he’s soodkdjdkskskksskso sexy😭

and then I was like…. It’s all over in one night

and I was like, wait. I’m a virgin virgin. he isn’t. even just fingering/head (which I literally cannot WAIT for😭) is gonna be new bc I’ve never had another guys fingers in me and whatever. and I’m not nervous at all, I’m so excited, I’ve waited so long as u can imagine JDJDKDK but I was like realistically, it’ll probably be overwhelming. and then ur meant to do everything in one go? even in most ‘normal’ relationships where people aren’t waiting till marriage, you don’t usually go from 0-100 in a single night😭 that’s kinda insane. like ‘oh you’ve only kissed a boy? well here is literally everything under the sun!”

and I think I just realised today, for the first time, that maybe that wont realistically be what I want. like doing some things and then the rest after. like we’re gonna be married forever (that’s the plan😭) so we have all this time to go it yk. not that I’d necessarily wanna wait super long after we’re married, but I just feel kinda… bad. like, he’s waited this whole time, just for me. imagine we get married and he’s super excited to finally get to hit and in like “actually……..🤣”

idk. I just feel a little alone because even the religious/non-religious ppl I know (who decided to wait just because), none of them felt this way. they were so ready to just jump in and start boning (as they should bc the wait hasn’t been easy😭) but idk I feel… idk. I feel like that might not be me, like I feel like I might need a little more time just to get used to like, everything in reality yk. bc it’s all fun and games saying it rn but I realised earlier, when I started really thinking about it, that I haven’t done anything and realistically, even ppl that don’t wsit need more time yk.

he obviously won’t make me feel bad for this either, he’s not a monster & he’s very understanding but I’m just spiralling.

this might not even be a problem, realistically the second we’re married I might not even make it to the after party and just be like “dick in me now pls” but… ifkdjdjddjdjw

I’m thinking too much lol. I’ve waited 23 years and it’s so real now that my mind is spinning. I’m sorry for the ramble but thank u for listening & for the girlie talk JDJDJDX💗💗💗💗💗💗 i love u so much

(I am sooo ready to get married tho😭💗)

i am so happy for you both!!! i really wish you the best of luck!

i think him being experianced will help out so much in the long run, but girl, there's nothing to worry about! if he's waited this long, what's a little more? like you said, you may change your mind but you said you wanted to wait until marriage. so i'm with you, why does it have to be your wedding night?

it sounds like he's going at your pace and he's in no rush to bed you either. you already know you're gonna talk to him about this so kudos! and coming from me, it sounds like you're ready for sex and that's awesome.

you're excited and that's the most important. (after loving and trusting your man.) trust me, it'll be worth the wait and i can't wait to hear about the proposal!

[cinefairy]

im persisting for a new life. i live in a toxic household w an abusive family, and i don’t really have many friends at the moment. im sorry if you consider that a trauma dump but girl :(. —and i dont feel like acknowledging that im non satisfied rn will affect anything for me personally.

i’m not gonna want to hear “your manifestation is probably not appearing because you’re manifesting from a place of lack/desperation/impatience” from other blogs bc like no shit with these circumstances WHO WOULDNT FEEL THOSE THINGS? that shouldn’t stop anything.

its not the luxury clothing or iphone 12 that im worried about. i know the good life isn’t separate from me but yeah i do *need* a change to that reality ASAP!! like, today. i shifted to my desired reality-like into another house in a different country but it freaked me out so i tapped out. i want shit to appear “naturally”. anyway, ik you have maybe a vagely similar experience/past ??

maybe id like just like some motivation tho eiypo lmao im tryna soothe my human self and ill do other things to help w that too.

i dont want to vainly affirm or use anyyyy more energy to visualize. i dont want to try to convince or delude myself to knowing for a fact. i dont want to deeply relax into the void. i dont want to script. ive done everything i could ever do i know ive done WAY more than enough but i just desire it to appear now, nowww. im so determined but im still human and im tired. the power is within me ive proven it to myself many times. sometimes even tho u know something on a mental level, you still may not feel its a fact in your heart of hearts. thats my current assumption.

but girl i just needed to vent on that. im taking this spiel as proof it’s happening incredibly soon tho. now onto me contradicting all this with my desired self concept lmao. sorry its so long and i understand if you dont wanna post it.

TRUST ME! its okay to vent. its okay to feel your emotions, its okay- don’t ever keep your feelings inside of you for the sake of your manifestation, and i totally relate to how you’re feeling. you venting and releasing how you really feel isnt gonna do shit to your manifestation trust me.

i just want to acknowledge how you’re still so powerful!! even how shitty your life might seem you’re still trying and it makes me happy. from someone who has once been in such terrible circumstances, never give up. if i had gave up i wouldn’t be where i am rn.

1. STEP INTO YOUR POWER

i can already sense your power, i KNOW you’re amazing- i know you’re gonna manifest your desires and ik you’re gonna be okay one day. trust me on that, step into your divine power and know you’re 100% that bitch. mentally and physically because you are. go have self conversations with yourself on how AMAZING you are!

2. SELF CONCEPT

self concept is really important and ik you’re probably sick of hearing self concept too, but self concept really is the foundation of everything in life. self concept helped me in similar circumstances as you if that helps.

“i manifest so quickly and easily”

“nothing stops me from manifesting my desires”

“i love myself, i love what im becoming”

“i am strong, independent and amazing”

“i can easily manifest anything i want”

“i am a powerful manifestor”

“i am confident in my manifesting abilities and i know that my manifestation is inevitable no matter what”

3. KNOW THAT YOU CAN MANIFEST ANYTHING, NO MATTER WHAT.

ik a lot of people say you should ignore the 3D. now i believe you shouldn’t, i mean if you’re in the worst of circumstances..how can you? so just KNOW your manifestation is inevitable and its gonna be happen no matter what.

also you have SAID WHAT YOU WANT. meaning you dont have to do anything else but step into the knowing that your manifestation is inevitable.

[ramzawrites]

Hey, so I'm having a really rough time rn (dealing with bs from my friend group, we have to take my really old dog to the vet today bc we found blood in her pee and we're scared that she won't make it this time, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just kinda goin thru it rn ig) so I would love a comfort fic with the sbi maybe with the reader as their sibling where the reader is the one that always comforts the fam, but hides their emotions until (1/2, very sorry about splitting it)

(2/2) something happens that makes the reader have a full on breakdown? I'll leave the rest to you, it can be a good or bad ending, headcanons or one shots, anything. You can ignore this request if you want/if it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't feel pressured/guilt tripped to write anything from this, your mental health comes first and I'm sure you're already really busy. Reminder to eat something today if you haven't yet and get a drink of water <3

We are family - Reader and SBI!Brothers

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, (mentioned) Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Y/N came back from an errand and surprises their brothers with their weird behavior. Trying to put on their usual smile, trying to hide away their real emotions but their brothers know them better than they inititally suspected. They could immediately tell that something must have happened.

Words count: 2060

Authors Note: I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope you and your dog are doing better! 💙 I wish I could give you more than words of encouragement and that I managed to get faster to this request, I apologize Please make sure to take care of yourself, alright? Take time for yourself to deal with the stress and anxiety! Make sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat! Even if it’s just something small!

Once again I apologize for the long wait, I felt really bad already and then I kinda put it off because I felt bad.

adhd hit hard again and haven’t checked for typos yet, but will get on it as soon as I can o7

On another note if you want to read another comfort fic; I have a small series called “A Painful Reminder” which is more angsty but the 2nd part is more about the comfort, if that is something for you 

Living in the SMP was chaotic, turbulent and at times downright painful.

Most people tended to gravitate to one cause or other people to deal with this. Holding on to something so they don’t get pulled under. Get buried beneath the chaos and the violence.

So having people like Y/N around was like a godsend. They were one of the few people that seemed to be able to withstand the constant waves of misfortune and stand strong. Be the rock to hold onto when everything got too overwhelming.

Wilbur, Technoblade and Tommy loved their sibling for it.

After Wilbur and Tommy got exiled with Y/N out of L’Manberg, they were there and cheered both of their siblings up. Immediately making plans on how to set up a safe home and collecting ideas on how to get back. They were the one who managed to get a message out to Technoblade and asked him to visit them. Maybe help them.

Wilbur often jokingly said that Y/N was the glue that held the family together, to which they would always reply with the warmest of smiles “I’m glad.”

And what he said was true. Whenever the family fell on hard times and they began to drift apart it was Y/N who pulled all of them back. Pulling them back to reality and giving solutions for their problems if needed.

Sitting down with Wilbur when things got to much. Listening to his thoughts and worries, letting his emotion run freely without judgement. While they looked worried for him, their comforting smile never faltered. Offering him solutions to problems if he wanted it, otherwise they gave him the chance to just air his own thoughts out. To be angry with him. Sad with him.

Working with Tommy on his own projects. Listening to his ideas and giving him a different perspective that could improve some things but also respecting it when Tommy wanted to do this his way. And while he liked to brag and pretend that some things didn’t hit him that hard, they were still patiently listening to him as he spoke about his own pain in a more roundabout way. Telling him that he was not alone and making him feel heard.

Talking to Technoblade whenever the voices got too loud or out of hand again. He would just walk over to them and nudge them away, asking them to talk about something, no matter what. He just needed to hear their voice and be able to concentrate on it. Tune out the garbled voices in his head with a familiar sound that calmed him down no matter what. Leaning against them, slowly falling asleep as Y/N told all about how they were happily working on their own farm and what shenanigans they got up to.

Y/N really was like the warm sun on a cold day. Warming them up and protecting them.

Yes, Y/N was strong. So strong that even Technoblade considered them stronger than him. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally.

A clanging of metal rung through the cave. Techno was training with Wilbur while Tommy was just watching. Cheering on Techno.

It wasn’t an unusual situation and something Y/N expected to see as they made their way down the staircase. Wilbur in full iron armor and weapon while Techno just fought back with his own iron sword.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome back!” Wilbur breathed out. Sweat running down the side of his face as he stopped attacking his brother.

The three men looked happily over to their sibling who slowly walked towards them but soon their expressions fell. Something was off about Y/N and it confused the three.

Their smile was as always plastered on their face but it looked strained. Their eyes wide open, trying to look sincere and loving but the glassy look of them gave off a different picture.

“Y/N? You okay?” Tommy asked as he stood up from the ground. Taking a step closer to them which made them in return stop in their tracks.

Y/N was hugging themself, shakily opening up their mouth to answer but nothing came out. It was then when Techno got very aware of how they were shaking in general.

This all seemed so wrong. This shouldn’t be possible. It just didn’t seem to register fully inside their minds.

Wilbur made sure to get rid off his sword and armor as fast as he could, walking over to his sibling, trying to get a better look at them but they just avoided his gaze.

Staring at the ground, slowly shaking their head “It’s- It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. You really aren’t. What happened? Did they find you?” Techno asked, his voice full with worry. A bit of anger hidden as well.

Y/N had their own little farm in order to support Pogtopia. The potatoes from Techno were great but variety is important after all. Though they also had an abundance of wheat they usually tried to smuggle into Manberg for Niki. Trying to help her out as much as possible with her taxes and work.

This time Y/N nodded “They did… It’s fine though. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. It’s all good.”

Wilbur’s frown deepened “Usually when people have to be so adamant about being okay something isn’t alright.”

Tommy nodded, supporting his statement only to whisper to himself “Adamant? What does-“

But Wilbur continued “We are your family, talk to us.”

Y/N licked their chapped lips “I’m-“

The tears finally escaped their eyes and begun streaming down their face. Sobbing they fell down on the ground. Wilbur immediately followed suit, laying his arm around them and pulling them against his chest. His hand flew up to their head and begun going through their hair, trying to calm them down. Humming a soft tune from their childhood.

It was the first time in their lives they saw Y/N break down like that and it was quite frankly shocking.

Unsure what to do with himself Tommy squatted down “Um, uh, what- what happened?”

Techno was still gripping the iron sword in his hand. Pacing up and down. Manberg found them? What the hell did they do to make Y/N break down like that? His own sibling! Whatever it was he would make sure to pay it back a thousand times over.

“Tommy can you grab them some water?” Wilbur laid his chin on top of Y/N’s head, rubbing circles now on their back.

He didn’t even hesitate, jumping up to run towards one of the chests with food items that Y/N had always ready for them. Grabbing a water bottle and running back over. Happy that he could do something else besides staring.

Tommy then pushed the bottle towards Y/N who gratefully took it, putting some space between them and Wilbur as they drank some of the cold liquid which helped them to calm down.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Techno stopped pacing around. His gaze purely trained on his crying sibling. Anger still rising in him just like the voices.

Screaming things like “Technosib! How dare they hurt them! Protect them! I love Y/N so much! Why would anyone hurt Y/N! They always help us! Let’s help them for a change! Technosib! Let’s go out and fight them! Yeah! Blood for the Blood God and Y/N!”

Y/N’s voice was still wavering and a bit scratchy from their sobbing as they begun speaking “Hey, hey! Techno don’t concentrate on the voices. Listen to me. It’s all good.”

This somehow made Techno angry. He threw the sword away and finally knelt down next to them as well so his face was on the same eye level as theirs “Stop. Please. Stop thinking about us for one second. Stop trying to not make us uncomfortable or worried! Tell us what happened! Please.”

He was basically begging at the last part. All his worry packed into it.

“Yeah, honestly you trying to make sure everything is okay for us makes us even more worried.” It surprised the others a bit that this came from Tommy but he was correct.

Tears fell down their face again “I- I was just delivering more wheat to Niki and someone must have followed me. They followed me back to my farm and- and- they burned my fields down. There were explosions. I- it was just my farm. I did not harm. Just, why does it always have to end like this. Why do all the good things always end like this. Why can’t this place let something be. There is always something.”

The farm was so important to Y/N. It was their little project they put so much sweat, love and work into. It was their home away from home. A place to retreat and enjoy some peace. This obviously was devastating. It was their one thing they had for themself. The one thing that wasn’t there for anyone else but them.

It was also clear that this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back and it broke the three a bit that they only now seemed to notice this. That it took that long and their whole farm being destroyed for the realize this was heartbreaking.

“Who?” Techno urged but Y/N shook their head.

“I don’t know. Everything went so fast and I tried to save as much as I could but- but it’s all gone. It’s all gone.” Their voice jumped up an octave at the end, burying their face against Wilbur’s shoulder again. Silently sobbing.

It should have been impossible but Wilbur’s frown deepened and his expression turned more grim “Don’t worry. We will get back at them. We will get our revenge. They will see firsthand what they did to you, I promise.”

Shocked Y/N looked up, their red and puffy eyes wide open “Wil, that’s not what I- no revenge. There is already too much misery going around I just want this to stop. I just want all of us being able to live in peace.”

Wilbur should have known that Y/N was too good natured for that but he couldn’t help himself. He was just so angry. Angry at Schlatt and Manberg. That they went for him was one thing but to go out of their way to treat Y/N like this? Let’s just say he put it on the list in bold letters with reasonings on why he will get back at the Manberg faction.

“Listen Y/N.” Techno begun, his voice now calm again “Stop it. Just for once think about yourself. Stop thinking about others for once. You are also worthy of the same care you give us. Let us at least help rebuild your farm. You always help us with our projects, let us help you with yours.”

Tommy seemed to lit up at that “That sounds like a good idea! We could build towers around your new farm and make sure no one gets in! We could put down traps and all!”

He really wasn’t sure how to react but that was at least something he could do for them. As the past General’s right hand man, this should be something he can do. If he couldn’t protect his sibling how could he ever hope to get L’Manberg back.

Wilbur seemed to think about it for a bit but agreed “Yeah, how does that sound?” Though the dark glint in his eyes stayed. The cogs in head still running off with his own thoughts.

“You guys would? Since when can you guys build?” a dry laugh escaped them but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Both Tommy and Wilbur looked almost appalled at that claim while Techno just shrugged and nodded. Just looking around Pogtopia was more functioning than good looking after all. Y/N tried to pretty it up a bit but usually something always happened around here.

“Also Y/N, please talk to us more. Don’t bottle everything up. Please. We worry a lot about you and we love you. You always do so much for us, let us do the same.” Wilbur pushed Y/N a bit off of him and looked them deep into their eyes, hoping that this would really hammer in that this was a genuine plea.

As a respone Y/N wiped the tears off their face “I understand. I’ll try to remember that.”

“Don’t try just do it.”

[crybabyddl]

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO REITERATE SOMETHING

Yes, let’s circle back to the beautiful performance of Edge of Great. More specifically the BODY LANGUAGE, particularly Julie and Luke’s, which I will be analyzing with gifs.

Exhibit A

Jealous Luke looks over at Julie and Reggie vibing

Julie is aware that she’s avoiding Luke, which she is doing so bc she realized her feelings for him thanks to Flynn earlier in the episode.

Since Julie has put the task of ignoring Luke upon herself even though she has no obligation to, she ends up failing her own mission. She sees Luke’s reaction to the lack of her attention.

She literally FREEZES. She’s emotionally worried to confront what she’s feeling and it’s beginning to manifest physically.

Exhibit B

It gets better y’all. After Luke finally has even a crumb of Julie’s attention, he beckons her over with his signature head tilt. This is important bc he did this with his longtime bandmate during the soundcheck of what would’ve been their biggest performance. If he feels comfortable enough using that body language with a girl he’s only known for, what, a week and a half(?) then you know this puppy boy’s got it BAD.

Julie is well aware that Luke is getting jealous. But in classic Julie fashion, she will try to tune it out instead of addressing it. Our wicked beauty doesn’t like confrontation and would rather just deny and avoid than potentially make things awkward, especially when she knows Luke would ask her about it at a later time.

The look on Julie’s face. Her eyes widen and the classic tight-lipped awkward smile is present. She’s literally saying “ok enough of that let’s get back to work doo doo doo” with her face. The way her body SWINGS back into performance mode as she faces the audience again. It may have been a split second, but when you’re deliberately trying to avoid looking into the dreamy (dead) eyes of someone you shouldn’t be crushing on, any amount of time feels too long. Plus, she knows Flynn is watching and doesn’t want her to lecture her (but she does anyway bc Flynn is observant and knows her bestie too well to let any action slip past her).

Exhibit C

Keep in mind; NONE OF THE GUYS KNOW WHY JULIE IS AVOIDING LUKE. Flynn, Alex, and Reggie have noticed the Juke chemistry, but it’s still too soon for them to get past the “we like each other but we’re too clueless to notice that we reciprocate” phase, so even though their respective besties know, they are still denying. Besides, Reg, Alex, and Flynn know better than to keep pestering if they want to keep their kneecaps. In reality they’re both smart enough to tell by this point, but for the sake of the plot and to make everything more adorably frustrating, Flynn has the collective brain cell under lock and key, leaving Juke to be like *dog tilting its head and making that “a-roo?” noise*

Anyway, Reggie notices Luke being snubbed after realizing that his extra dose of Julie time was slightly out of the ordinary. Luke is clearly concerned (look at his eyebrows and how his eyes travel from Reggie, to Julie, then to the audience to trying and get his mind off it and bring his focus back to the main goal; the performance.) If he can’t have the moment of connection with Julie that he so desperately craves, he’s gonna fill that void as best he can by connecting with the audience. >:’)

But Reggie’s trying to help Luke brush it off by conveying his reaction as ‘look at julie coming into her own! i told you she was a star! and you thought you were the lead singer? think again buddy this girl’s got you beat!’

But since Reggie isnt a master at hiding his feelings yet, especially around Luke, —who was able to get under his skin earlier (“girls, am i right?”)—Luke was easily able to see through that and interpreted what Reggie was saying as “look at julie go, she all in the zone. you’re literally making heart eyes at her get a grip you’re slacking lmao” (hence luke’s right eyebrow quirking at reggie like ‘dude seriously gimme a break u know i need attention like tinkerbell’) even though Reggie’s true message was a bit less harsh and more lovingly teasing, but it’s Luke, he sees things through his eyes and at his intensity, regardless of who it’s coming from. (This is one of the reasons why Luke comes off as selfish at times.)

Exhibit D

Poor Lukey boi can’t seem to catch a break today! Not only does Julie ignore him, then has a cute lil (platonic but it’s luke so it still makes him jealous >:P) moment, but now she has the AUDACITY to interact with Alex? The guy who was out learning Ghost 101 with this Willie guy instead of rehearsing with the band? What gives?! What’s he got that your moody ghost bf doesn’t? >:’(

He literally just watches, and even glances back in a way that, to me, screams ‘did i see that right? did i just see what i just saw with my own dreamy (but dead) eyes? say sike rn.’ \_(*_*)_/

Meanwhile, Alex pays no mind. I like to think that Alex is fully aware that Luke is an angry boy rn, but has learned to ignore it, especially this bc literally NOTHING happened. Either that or Alex has no clue and just truly thinks nothing of it and is having too much fun to think about Luke’s moody and childish behavior. Either way, Alex is just straight chilling and we love to see it *^_^*

Notice how Reggie is right there vibing with Julie and Alex. Luke feels a bit betrayed like ‘not you too! i know you were the first to turn on me but i figured since you’re such a golden retriever you’d be loyal and come back to my side!😠🥲’

Also; Luke approaches the rest of the group, wanting to be included in at least SOME of the vibing, but when Julie starts dancing and smiling with her buddy Alex, he backs up like

“you know what? nope. nevermind. not doin’ it.”

and the group’s like “i mean hey it’s your loss, but luke we want you to-”

“no, bc you chose to piss me off right in front of my face so no luke time for any of you! no cuddles, no hugs, no nothing! you made your bed, now lie in it and perish.”

Exhibit E & F: This is where it gets a bit interesting and theorized hehe...

Now we all know that this moment is just fucking ICONIC

WEOWH NEOW NEOW!!! WEOW NEHR NEHR NER-NER-NER NEHR NEHR NEOWHR!!! (wer nehr-nehr-ner-ner-nehr-nehr!!) WUEHNER-NEUHNER-NEHR-NEEOW-NEOWH! DLOOLOODDUH-DOODLAH-HOOBLUEH-NEOWHR-NEUEHR-NEEEEEEUOWRH!!!!

But hear me out– HEAR ME OUT!

What if... now don’t shoot the messenger who just so happens to also be the theorist... but what if...

WHAT IF!!! Luke didn’t!! plan this?!!!

Listen i know you’re probably thinking:

“Well uh Nicole, isn’t that kinda the whole point? It literally wasn’t planned until Charlie realized Madi was gonna be standing on the piano so he suggested the idea for the guitar solo to Kenny.”

And you’re right! But here’s the kicker:

What if Luke THE CHARACTER, just decided to do this as an “Alright that’s it! You wanna be like that? Well what if I just hit you with my super awesome radical totally cool wowza guitar skills & make a moment between us? Huh? What do you think about that? Hmm? HMMM???!!!”

He licks his lips & that to me read** like he was nervous (**read rhyming with bed just to clarify) so that means it could’ve been a spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment thing.

In the second gif, you can see that Julie’s head is tilted, as if she’s a bit confused, but she’s also delightfully surprised.

Julie is quick to smile and scrunch her nose at Luke, something she does often. It tells Luke his impulsive action garnered a positive response from his favorite girl. Julie also starts to shake her head, but doesn’t go through the motion in full, which means she’s still a bit nervous to let her guard down. This is probably because she doesn’t know what he’s thinking or what he will do next. The lopsided smile mixed with the suave, gliding steps towards her probably brought her back to her daydream lol.

Luke’s happy bc Julie’s no longer ignoring him. He smiles like a GOOBER bc this chump is simping HARD for our Julie. So cute! :’)

Exhibit G

And hear me when I offer this:

What if Luke poofed the guys out???

I know, I know. It’s a bold claim to make. But the boys are special, considering they are a threat to Caleb (3 gay-variant himbos vs. a gay magician that could’ve been on broadway but decided to make some sort of deal with a devil so he just entertains capitalists who most likely sold their souls to get into the hgc which i will probably elaborate on in a future theory so dont do that bc im gonna lmao idc we all have big brains) So it’s not too crazy to think that they could share some ghost powers.

We know Caleb transported the guys during You Got Nothing to Lose. And the guys have left a place at the exact same time on more than one occasion.

And you may be thinking “well what if the guys poofed out to give juke a moment alone together?” And to that I say...

Look at Reggie. He isn’t looking back at Alex like “dude let’s give them some space.”

The timing of him turning around, at least to me, makes me think Reggie was surprised by Luke approaching the piano. (But also he lowkey was waiting for Luke to prove him wrong by doing something to get Julie’s attention so Reggie isn’t mad. Neither is Alex but he doesn’t like being told how or WHEN to ghost) Luke doesn’t even give his bandmates a warning eyebrow quirk, a hand signal, nothing. Reggie turns to Alex like ‘dude what is he DOING?’ And before he can even really convey that, they go *POOF*

This man had a plan and he was gonna do it, so he did. Whether it’s the power of love, they stopped performing, or Reggie and Alex actually poofed out, the odds worked in Luke’s favor so he and Julie could have a super special moment, a moment special enough to make an actual living person (Nick) wonder if a “hologram” has a better chance at connecting with Julie than he does.

Again, regardless of who made them poof or how they poofed, they mf poofed so Luke’s a happy hamster. (Idk it just sounded fitting instead of happy camper lol wait what if someone had 3 pet hamsters and named them alex reggie and luke🥺 someone buy some hamsters and let me be their godmother or their aunt and i’ll love them from afar.) Anyway, Luke’s thriving, flourishing, his crops are going to grow in time for the harvest.

You can see Julie lean back as she turns to see Luke. It’s... almost as if... She. Wasn’t. Expecting. Him. To. Be. There..??

Honey badger Luke bc he DGAF <|:) Bitch, it’s Luke mf Patterson and he’s gonna,, GET! IN! YOUR! FAAAACE!!!

You CANNOT tell me he’s not doing the absolute MOST to try and seduce Miss Juliana Mariposa Rose Molina.

Yes I’m making a headcanon that Julie has TWO middle names and that one of them is the spanish word for butterfly and that the other is her mother’s name. Also yes, I believe (i believe that we’re just one dream away from who we’re– oh, that’s not what we’re doing? okay, sorry!) that Juliana is Julie’s full name.

In this house we love and respect Juliana Mariposa (Dahlia)** Rose Molina

**I’m just putting Dahlia there for fun bc I can. :) Whether I’d consider it a possible middle name of hers depends. Anyway I just thought it was a cute thing to add bc it goes along with the other middle names I gave her *^_^* Also, I feel like I made a post giving a bunch of the characters middle names lemme see if I can find it later)

Ok i’m done this took me basically all day from like 10am until 4:08. I obviously took breaks in between, but not long ones...😶

[moviekid826]

I posted 6,821 times in 2021

424 posts created (6%)

6397 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.1 posts.

I added 3,838 tags in 2021

#sns art - 930 posts

#sns - 714 posts

#queue - 432 posts

#text - 404 posts

#uchiha sasuke - 331 posts

#fav - 315 posts

#uzumaki naruto - 276 posts

#<3 - 162 posts

#oikawa tooru - 140 posts

#cami.txt - 134 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#u know that feeling when you know you’re about to watch something amazing but you’re already dreading when it’s over???? thats how i feel rn

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

sns fic rec II 🤍✨

hiii again!! sharing a few of my fav sns fics again just for fun 😌

(in no particular order) ((pls remember to check out a fic's tags before reading it))

simmer by moonwatcher

Naruto scrubs at his cheek with the palm of his hand, feeling his face flush with the remnants of anger from the day. “He’s not easy to please. Always has to have the last word. Tries to one up me in the subtlest ways, the bastard.” “Oh?” his mother sounds more curious now and Naruto starts to pout. “What are you thinking?” "Just that he sounds a little familiar is all.”

recently read this and it instantly became one of my fav sns fics ever. everything about it was just perfect. slow burn usually makes me impatient, but it was done so lovely in this fic. i could really feel the way they fell in love with each other 🥺 the writing is also absolutely flawless and moonwatcher's Sasuke was so freaking spot on (i'm usually really picky with Sasuke in fics so!!!)

In Any Lifetime by MadeNew

When Sasuke's thirteen, he wakes up crying for a life lived long ago and a boy he's never met. When he's sixteen, he remembers the boy's name. When he's nineteen, he decides it's time to find him.

reincarnation AU my beloved <3 this was sosososo beautiful. "He’ll always choose Naruto, every time. And Naruto has always chosen him, even when it was beyond stupid to do so." ugh, my heart

The Twenty-Third of July by moonlitmantras

Naruto brings Sasuke a gift on his 18th birthday and the Uchiha clan is there to embarrass the shit out of him.

the Uchihas alive and well, do u need another reason to read this fic????

Last Ones Out by hereforwords

Sasuke just stood there, wondering what expression he was making, numb all over with a distant ringing in his ears. It was only when they were pulling away from each other and Hinata turned and met his eye that Sasuke finally remembered himself and looked down, forcing himself to stop standing so stiffly. (Naruto and Hinata start dating. Naruto and Sasuke try and fail to be okay with it.)

this fic 🤧 sasuke's pain was so raw and real, i teared up multiple times. i'm also a sucker for soft!sasuke and he's so soft in this fic <3 it also gave me multiple cavities lmao, such a good read!!

Tea for Two by Unknown_de_Mordor

Sasuke was pronounced a violin prodigy when he was seven, a genius virtuoso when he was twenty. As far as he was concerned, a jazz violinist shouldn’t hold a candle to him, should he? Then why couldn't he stop being obsessed with Uzumaki Naruto?

i love pining <33333 also i tend to prefer canon fics, but sometimes adult sns in a modern universe hits the spot

Armistice by surveycorpsjean

See the full post

321 notes • Posted 2021-06-09 21:59:41 GMT

#4

it’s them your honor

561 notes • Posted 2021-05-23 00:42:48 GMT

#3

the other day a friend of mine asked me what Naruto was about and i completely blanked bc how was i supposed to explain that on the surface it’s about an orphaned fox boy who dreams about becoming Hokage of his village, when in reality it’s about two boys, ostracized by their fascist state, falling in love with each other as they both shared and understood the loneliness that consumed their souls? how was i supposed to explain that it’s the greatest love story ever told?

619 notes • Posted 2021-05-25 05:27:09 GMT

#2

See the full post

1073 notes • Posted 2021-07-03 00:22:55 GMT

#1

megumi to itadori: “yes of course we’re not going to kill anybody don’t worry”

megumi when itadori is gone: “I DON’T MIND EARNING 100 POINTS MYSELF”

1350 notes • Posted 2021-10-03 21:57:34 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thembo-for-anime]

Hot Drinks and Cold Hands

request: hello bug!! can i request a one shot of tsukishima with a s/o whos parents are getting a divorce? this is happening to me irl rn :|. his s/o is making jokes about it (“lol do you think i can guilt trip them into buying me a pc???”) and they don’t really seem to care abt it too much. in reality his s/o has just had to put up with their parents fighting all the time and are just angry bc they’ve always had to comfort their siblings. maybe one day their s/o shows up to school with eyebags nd they confide in him abt how they had to stay up all night comforting their parents and siblings?? nd it kinda takes him back bc they seem so tired compared to how they usually are (laidback nd humorous). and like s/o just kinda admits they feel terrible?? angry at their parents for bringing them into their fights but sad bc they’re siblings have to go through it too?? sorry this is so long dhjdjdjdj. feel free to shorten it or just ignore this req since it deals w somewhat heavy topics!!! thanks :]!!!

bug says things: hi!! i’m so sorry that it took me DECADES to finish this but I hope that this is what you wanted!!

also warnings!! the obvious: divorce, parents fighting, dealing with anger, crying, cursing and if there’s anything else i need to tag lmk!

word count: 3.5k oops 👀👀

KEI TSUKISHIMA

You could hear fighting from downstairs for what felt like the hundredth time today. They’re already getting a divorce, did they really have to fight like this? Especially since not only you were home but so were your siblings. Not to mention, you had just put your youngest sibling to sleep but their yelling woke them up. 

“Are they fighting again?” they ask, looking up at you. Nodding your head you see their eyes tear up and their eyebrows furrow. "I don't like it when they fight." 

The way that their young face looked so grown with worry made you angry. Angry that your parents had no regard for you guys as they had their daily screaming match. Angry that they couldn’t even for a minute let the house settle and have some quiet. Angry that right now you weren’t able to just be a kid and they might not either.

“Me either, they’re just...they’re just not happy right now,” you say as you push their hair away from their face.

“Are they not happy ‘cause I did something wrong?” they ask, their small hands squeezing the blanket.

“No! No, no, no you didn’t do anything wrong,” you exclaim. “Here, scooch over.”

They do and you lay down with them. They rest their head on your arm and you wipe away tears with the end of your sweater. Some snot gets on your jacket from their nose and you wrinkle your nose in disgust.

“Eeeww, that’s nASty,” you say jokingly, causing them to laugh a little. “Why do you have so many boogers in your nose?”

“Well when a mommy booger and a daddy booger love each other very much-”

“You are not giving me the talk right now with boogers, absolutely not,” you protest as they giggle again. You smile softly at this small victory before your phone lights up and you see a text from Kei.

Dino Boy: hey u up?

Dino Boy: actually nvm i know u are

Dino Boy: i might be a good bf tomorrow and pick u up some coffee so what do u want?

“Is that Tsukki?” your sibling asks peering over you at your phone.

“Yeah, you wanna reply to him?” you ask as they nod their head vigorously. For some reason--you couldn’t figure out why--all your siblings absolutely adored him. 

You hand over your phone and move to sit up. “I’m gonna check up on sissy next door okay? Text him that I just want a little pastry or something.” 

But they make a noise of protest. “I don’t want you to go yet,” they pout and grab onto the bottom of your sweater. An idea comes to mind as they reach out their arms. “Carry me!”

“What? You’re way too big!” you say as they do grabby hands, letting you know that they weren’t taking no as an answer. You roll your eyes as you turn your back to them. “You’re lucky that I have strong leg muscles,” you answer as they climb on your back and begin typing away on your phone.

“More like noodle legs,” they whisper to themself, but you heard them and pretended to almost drop them in response. “Hey! Not funny!”

“Eh, it was funny to me,” you say as you approach the door as the yelling gets louder. A frown lands on your lips. “Plug your ears okay?”

Your sibling nods as they put your phone in their pocket and cover their ears. You open the door and peek outside. The yelling immediately assaults your eardrums and you tiptoe silently to the room over, which housed your other sibling. 

“Are you really going to deny them Christmas with their own mother?”

“You’re acting like you’ve been such a saint to them, I exist too you know! They have two parents, not just one!”

Knocking lightly on the door with two quick knocks, one slow and two more quick, it opens slightly and you see your younger sister's concerned face before she lets you in.

“What do you want?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What does it look like? Impromptu sleepover,” you say plopping your shared sibling on her bed. She just rolls her eyes and sits in her chair pulling her legs up to her chest.

“I’m talking to Tsukki!” your sibling says showing off your phone. This seems to pique her interest so she moves to the bed and watches as your youngest sibling sends gifs and messages to your boyfriend. Bless him for indulging them. They can be...a lot sometimes but you’re glad he’s been a good sport about it.

“Why is your boyfriend such a dry texter?” she asks looking at you with an amused face.

“Pfft he’s not dry, he just...he’s just socially awkward okay?” you protest as she fights back a smile.

“Okay, sure, whatever you say.”

____________________________

This is how the rest of the night goes. Trying to keep your siblings mind off of your parents screaming voices and letting them bother Tsukishima until they both doze off. You let them both have the bed while you steal a blanket and pillow from your room before coming back to sleep on the floor. 

Which in retrospect wasn’t the best idea because waking up with a sore body wasn’t how you wanted to start your morning. You check on your siblings to see them both fast asleep, so you Mission Impossible yourself back into your room--with your phone--as quietly as possible.

You get ready for the day, knowing that at least you could get some peace and quiet in the morning. Both of your parents start work in the morning so they always leave early, but you wouldn’t be surprised if they had started leaving even earlier to just be away from each other. 

It’s just- It’s so frustrating that they get to fuck off and leave you as a stand in parent. You’re basically still a kid and were you meant to just raise theirs while they got to get angry and leave in a huff? You didn’t make the decision to have kids so they shouldn’t be your responsibility...but you knew if you didn’t take care of them then no one would.

“Ugh!” you grunt as you kick a shirt that was on your floor. 

Whatever, whatever, it’s fine. You try to calm down a bit when your phone starts buzzing. Seeing that it’s Kei you take one last deep breath before you answer. “Hello?”

“Hey open your front door,” he says as you roll your eyes playfully.

“Well good morning to you too, how am I doing? Oh I’m great, you’re so sweet for asking,” you say and you can hear him huff into the speaker.

“Okay, okay good morning now please let me in...baby it’s cold outside,” he says and you can practically hear his lips curling through the phone. 

Damn him for being cute to get what he wants. “Fine but only in the good spirit of the holidays.”

You make your way to the front door and open it to see your tall tree of a man in all of his pink cheeked glory. You smile as you let him inside. “Aw is that blush for me?” you ask teasingly.

“Hardly, in case you haven’t noticed it’s freezing out there,” he says before leaning down to give you a quick kiss. When you pull away that’s when you notice the amount of drinks in his hands.

“You extra thirsty this morning or?” you ask trailing off as he shakes his head.

“No these are for-”

“Tsukki!!” your younger sibling yells as they rush him.

“He’s got drinks, be careful!” you fret but they’ve already secured their arms around him. You mouth him a ‘Sorry’ as the pink on his cheeks returns slightly.

“Hey short stack,” he says as he lowers his hand which holds a drink holder and four drinks, “Here’s your hot chocolate.” 

They gasp and take it from him. “Thank you Tsukki!”

You can see a small smile creep up on his face as he says, “No problem.” He ruffles their hair a bit with his free hand and they beam up at him.

“You got the goods?” your sister asks as she emerges from her room, eyes basically still closed from sleep.

“Right here ya gremlin,” he says holding out her drink to her. She grabs it and immediately turns around to head back to her room.

“Say thank you at least!” you call out to her before she stops for a second.

“Yeah okay, thank you Dino Man,” she says waving her hand before going back to her room.

You shake your head before turning back to him, “Sorry, she’s usually only like that when she’s tired.”

He shrugs his shoulders a bit. “It’s fine, I don’t care,” he says holding out your drink to you and you take it gladly.

“Thank you,” you say smiling up at him.

“We’re the polite one’s,” your sibling announces proudly, causing the two of you to laugh a bit.

He nods his head as he leans down to them. “I’ve noticed,” he says before you usher them off to go get ready for school.

You grab your coat and meet him at the door. “Sorry for them, they’re a lot to deal with first thing in the morning,” you say, locking the door behind you with one hand.

“It’s really fine, if it was too much I’d tell you right?” he asks, gesturing with his own drink and swinging his free hand by his side. (Which is an invitation for you to hold it, which you gladly do.)

“I guess so,” you say as you lean into him a bit as you two walk. He pushes up his glasses and looks away but you can see the blush at the tips of his ears. You smile a bit before holding up his hand in yours to give it a little kiss.

“Ngk, what was that for?” he asks, turning to face you so you could see his embarrassed features more clearly.

“You have cold hands, I was trying to warm them up,” you say innocently but he knows better.

“Right, sure,” he says as you break away for a minute to pull out your phone and headphones. “You know you should really invest in some better earbuds.”

You look at yours which are practically falling apart, but hey! You had some tape holding bits together so it was ‘fine’ for the time being. “I guess you’re right. Do you think I can guilt my parents into getting me new ones?” you ask jokingly and he practically chokes. “Hey, joking, joking.” You raise your hands up and he shakes his head with a mumble. 

“Here, let’s just use mine,” he says fishing them out of his backpack. You hum in agreement as he hands you one. Putting it in, you lean into him again and lightly shut your eyes letting the music wash over you.

Tsukishima's chest vibrates a bit, signaling to you that he had said something while you weren’t paying attention. “Huh?”

“I said are you okay? You seem exhausted,” he says as his eyebrows furrow in concern. For a moment his face reminded you of your sibling and for some reason that upset you. 

You didn’t want him worrying so you just smiled and laughed off his comment. “Yeah, I just stayed up too late last night.”

“Are you sure?” he asks, clearly not satisfied with your answer.

“Yeah! We had a sibling sleepover and they kept me up for a bit.” He’s pretty good at reading people so you tried your best to seem more energetic than before. “Also thank you so much for the drinks, I’ll pay you back for them tomorrow,” you say trying to change the topic.

At this he scoffs, “You know when I said I was gonna be a good boyfriend today I meant it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to pay me back or anything.”

God could this boy be any more perfect? He’s so sweet--even if he constantly denies it. Sure, sometimes he can seem like a cold person on the outside but he has a big heart and you were so grateful that he trusted it with you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks as you realize you had been staring at him with heart eyes.

“I love you, you know that right?” you ask and his eyes widen and his cheeks flush.

“I- Well, yes you’ve told me that before,” he stutters trying to hide his face behind his hand.

“Good cause I do, very much,” you reply, bringing down his hand as you pull him into a kiss. The amount of heat from his face almost makes you laugh but you hold it in. Content to just feel his lips move against yours. When you pull away you can’t help but smile as he sinks his face into his coat a bit. “Did that warm you up Kei?” you as he rolls his eyes which show the faintest bit of a smile.

“Oh shut up.”

___________________________

You were able to get through most of the day without falling asleep thanks to the caffeine from your gifted drink, but you still couldn’t help but feel exhausted. And it’s not like after school you could’ve gone home to take a nap because not only did you have to meet up with one of your teachers because of your suffering grades, but even when you did get home you wouldn't be able to get any peace and quiet.

Leaving the meeting with your teacher--where you promised you would work harder--you emerged from the building to see your boyfriend waiting for you out in the cold.

“Kei? What are you doing here?” you ask as he notices you walking his way.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” he asks, “I waited since you’re coming home with me to study.”

“I- But- When did you decide that?” you sputter out.

He shrugs his shoulder as he pretends to think. “Around the same time I realized that I was the only reason you were passing your classes. So come on let’s go,” he says holding his arm out for you.

“Psh, you’re not the only reason,” you answer and he gives you a look as you hook your arm through his.

“Oh right, of course,” he says and chuckles a bit when you stick your tongue out at him.

___________________________

So the past 30 minutes had been spent working on your late work while Tsukishima helped you. But the longer you worked the more the page had begun to blur as your droopy eyelids threatened to close and not open again. 

He took notice immediately and tried to urge you to take a quick nap but you refused. This was probably the only time that you would be able to get a bulk of your homework and missing work done. 

Once you went back home all that work would have to be pushed aside so you could take care of your siblings. It’s something that has been stressing you out for the past couple of weeks. 

Before, you’d at least be able to finish some of your homework at night but since your parents couldn’t stop fighting the minute they both got home, that quickly changed.

“Come on, I doubt you can even see the paper like that,” he says looking at your squinted eyes which you couldn’t help but rub.

“M’fine Kei,” you mumble leaning your head against your arm.

He rolls his eyes as he scoots closer to you, “Like hell I’ll take that for an answer. You couldn’t even form two separate words.” 

You glare at him before turning back to your paper. “I’m really fine thank you for asking,” you say, tapping your pencil on the table. “How was that?”

“If I’m being honest, six of ten. You see, the average person would be fooled but not me," he says before becoming earnest, "Seriously, what’s going on?” he asks gently resting his head on your shoulder.

Now you don’t know if it was the exhaustion or the care that you heard in his voice but something in you broke--making hot tears run down your face no matter how hard you willed them to stop. 

“Fuck,” you whisper and he immediately pulls you into a hug.

“Hey c’mere,” he says and you grab onto him tightly. He lets you sob into his shoulder as he holds you in his arms. 

“I’m just so tired Kei, I’m so fucking tired. Of my parents fighting, of my shit sleep schedule, of taking care of my siblings. I love them, I do, it’s just- I don’t want to have to be a parent to them when I'm still just a kid! I’m just a fucking kid,” you say, your voice cracking against your will.

Tsukishima is the last one to know what to say to comfort people so he just holds you and rocks you back forth a bit. It breaks his heart to see you like this. He knew things were bad but he didn’t know they were this bad. Maybe he should’ve asked you about it more instead of let you brush it off. What if you didn’t want to talk to him about it because you were scared he’d judge you? Sure he was abrasive sometimes but never to you. God he’d never want to do that to you. He just...liked to tease. Maybe he had been a bad boyfriend to you.

“Fuck, I’m sorry for crying. I’ve just had a bad week,” you say as you wipe your tears and go to pull away but to your surprise he doesn’t let go. If anything he pulls you closer.

“Don’t be sorry I...I know that I can be...a bit of an ass sometimes but if you ever need me--and I mean ever--I’m here. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” His face is now buried in the crook of your neck and you can feel his shaky breath on your skin. “If I ever made you feel like you couldn’t...I’m- I’m sorry.”

You immediately pull back in shock. “Kei no, you didn’t, trust me. I just- I just didn’t want to worry you. You have enough on your plate with volleyball and I just didn’t want to bother you with my mess,” you confess and he just leans his head against yours.

“You could never bother me,” he says and you laugh causing him to roll his eyes and add, “Not with the important stuff at least.”

“Excuse you, how to pronounce gif is very important,” you say.

“Nope, nope, no we aren’t getting into this again,” he says as he picks you up.

You quickly grab a hold of his shirt and he grins. “What are you doing!”

“I’m taking you to bed because you need to sleep and I don’t mind holding you for a bit longer.” 

He takes you burying your face into his chest as a sign of resignation from your previous argument. 

With you in his arms, he walks straight to his room and it’s only when he opens the door does he notice that you actually fell asleep in them. Besides the fact that that’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen, he’s now got to figure out how to keep you asleep when lays you on his bed. He opts to lay you down first before climbing under the covers to join you. 

His fingers push the hair out of your face and he leans down to give you a kiss on the forehead causing you to cuddle closer to him. His heart clenches when you absentmindedly reach out your hand for his. He brings it up to his lips for a kiss as he looks across to you.

“Goodnight,” he says before adding much, much softer, “I’m so in love with you."

----------------------------------------------------------

Tags! @mixfi (idk if you were joshing when you said you wanted to be on my taglist but here it is!)

[awsugar]

Weird question but could you possibly list some pros and unexpected good things that come out of see a therapist. I'm uhhh going through a bad time and everyone is trying to get me to go talk to someone but the thought of talking to someone about those things gives me such anxiety that i start to shake, which i know is definitely a reason to go but i just can't get myself to do it.

im putting this under a cut cause it got long

ok well first of all i will say for me, i think the medication i'm on is doing the heavy lifting of like making me a lot less suicidal on a daily basis which was like. the thing keeping me constantly in crisis. but therapy is still an important part of my treatment. so i would say i do recommend looking into medication and honestly it can take ages to find something that works but if you have really bad anxiety and depression i think medication, if you find the right one, can help a lot! and more quickly than therapy as well bc medication can start working right away or up to a month but therapy is kind of a long haul thing. i get that not everyone wants to take medication but for me it really really works now that i finally found the right one. so for me the combination is really important. just putting that out there. (however if you're just going through a specific hardship rn thats making things difficult for you and it's not a chronic mental illness then therapy alone will probably be great!)

anyway, your real question, pros of therapy. what i talk about a lot with my therapist is reframing my thoughts. she gives me strategies to think about my life in more positive ways bc one of my issues is thinking negatively about basically everything and also catastrophizing. so i would say a pro is being able to think about things in a different way that doesn't make you so upset/makes you feel better about the situation. along that line, a good therapist willl be blunt with you and tell you when the stuff you're coming up with is bullshit. a lot of the stuff i worry about is not based in reality so she helps me realize when i'm just pulling worries out of thin air. also healthy coping mechanisms! i personally have a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms what with chronic substance abuse and binge eating and self harm and i'm not like perfect with those things still but she helps me come up with a plan to cope in better ways. i think you'll also find that it really helps to have someone you can be totally honest with. there are things i won't tell my friends or my parents obviously but with her i know i can talk about those things and not be judged and sometimes just getting things off your chest helps a ton. i think it also can help a lot to improve your relationships. i struggle with a lot of black and white thinking so my therapist is able to tell me, if i explain a struggle im going through with one of my personal relationships, if i'm being too stubborn or not seeing the big picture she helps with that. i think they can also help you to realize the people in your personal life that might be. bringing you down/toxic and help you to remove those people from your life or learn how to better deal with them if it's someone you can't cut out like a family member etc. a friend who i asked for input also said that therapy can help you get into things that you didn’t even realize were issues to begin with, and then they can help you deal with those as well. and she said and unexpected pro for her was finding out that some chronic physical issues were related to anxiety, and through treatment they went away. i know you said you have a lot of anxiety so i think that’s a big one.

anyway, with all of that, i'm just going to tell you that going to therapy once a week isn't going to make you happy. it's something that requires work and dedication from YOU. you have to take the things that you learn from your therapist and implement them in your life in order to notice a difference in how you feel and it really is all about changing the way you think about the things that are causing you stress/pain.

additionally, i see a lot of people i know talk about how they don't tell their therapist anything or they don't tell the truth or they give only a little bit of information to keep them from prying. if you're going to do that you shouldn't bother paying for therapy. you need to be honest and open about your problems if you're going to get any help in return on how to improve them. therapy is honestly all about what YOU put in to it. it's not a magical cure that you get just by talking about your problems. it took me a really long time and many therapists to learn that.

the last thing i'll say is that if you do start therapy, it's important to find a therapist that you like and you think you can create a good rapport with and that makes you feel comfortable enough to be open and honest like you need to be. a lot of times that isn't going to be the very first person you see. it can take a few (or more) people to get someone who really meshes with you and that's ok, you just need to not give up. if you start therapy and you're not vibing with them after the first couple sessions you need to be honest with them about that and look for someone else. dragging your feet with a therapist whos style doesnt work for you is just as bad as not being honest with them. you won't get what you need out of it.

so that's what i have to say about therapy basically. it can definitely help in a lot of ways as long as you are willing to put in the work, in combination with finding the right person. i know you're scared and anxious about talking about that stuff with someone, probably especially someone you don't know, but most therapists will not delve into your deepest issues in the first few sessions. they'll want to get to know you on a more baseline level and create a level of trust so that you DO feel more comfortable telling them everything on your mind in the future.

i hope this was helpful at all and i'm sorry you're having a bad time and i hope you can find something that helps!!! <3

[strawberriestyles]

Chapter 11

(Banner made by sweet sunshine @harry-nofookingway-styles​)

Harry X OFC (AU)

Sequel to Brutality: In which Melody and Harry must relearn how to navigate one another among a flurry of changes.

Read previous parts here.

Author’s note: Heyyyyyaaaaaaa. I’m going to be honest with y’all. I have not been working on this story like I should have since I started posting. That being said, I do have a few more chapters completed but then things get a littleeeeee fuzzy bc I’ve been slacking. I’m going to try to keep up with the posting schedule I have rn, but if that doesn’t work out, please forgive me. I may need to pause for a few weeks to stack up some more chapters. BUT CROSS YOUR FINGERS I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. As always, please like and reblog and leave me an ask if you can. :’) When you’re done reading, I would love for you guys to go find a petition you haven’t signed yet. All of my love. Xx

Melody still had nightmares. Horrible ones. Awful, haunting dreams that pressed at the edges of reality, blurring lines between sleeping and waking. But they somehow became less constant and more bearable within the next few weeks. Whether it was due to Harry’s constant, tender touches as she fell asleep every night, or to the ugly, unartistic paintings and incoherent writing she’d forced out, there were no clues. She thought Harry deserved the credit, but he thought it could be a mix of both.

Early snow dusted the city like powdered sugar, lightly enough to look pretty without making traffic a mess. Melody felt the cold dampen her mood, but Harry only seemed to brighten at the prospect of a blizzard warning. Snow dazzled him. Despite everything he’d experienced in his relatively short life, somehow winter had always remained a sort of sanctuary for him. And he’d softened himself toward everyone as a result.

“Ugh, do I have to go?” Melody asked aloud when she reentered the bedroom to find him laid out on her bed. He looked so cozy and warm in a pair of sweats with his hair mussed atop his head. She bent over him to plant a chaste kiss to his lips.

“No,” Harry said, “yeh don’.”

She smiled ruefully and stole another soft kiss from him. “Yes, I do.”

“Yeh don’ have to. Could stay here with me.”

“Harry.” Melody accepted his return kisses as he sat himself up, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress.

“Melody.” He ran a thumb over the curve of her chin and sighed.

“I need to go. Please, be nice to Bea.”

“Always am.”

“Sure you are.” She pressed her lips to his one final time and let them linger a few moments too long, until she felt his fingers sneaking around the back of her neck. If she let him touch her too much she’d end up late to her own match. “Okay, I’m leaving,” she insisted as she backed away. “I’m going. Bye.”

Harry watched her slip out of the room, collecting her gym bag on the way. He was relieved that she hadn’t told him she loved him. Every time he heard the words on her tongue he felt his very organs shift, felt them contort and fold in on themselves. He would never, ever tell her the way it made him feel, but he hoped that eventually, when he still wasn’t saying it back, she might just let the sentiment die. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

“Let’s go, Harry!” Bea called from the living room.

He sighed as he rose to his feet and lumbered out of the bedroom, his cane clicking on the hardwood. The door to the apartment closed before he made it past the threshold of the room. It was only him and Bea left. There was still an awkward air between them, but it was beginning to thin. Harry thought it was because of his help with Melody’s nightmares. He didn’t like the idea that Bea had ever thought he’d be useless in a situation like that. He didn’t like that doing the bare minimum to comfort Melody had somehow made Bea more open to him.

“You don’t look enthused.”

“I don’ like to bullshit,” Harry responded.

Bea grinned. She patted the cushion beside her and waited for him to sit. She didn’t seem bothered that he sat farther from her than necessary.

“Aren’t you wondering what we’re gonna watch?” Bea asked.

Harry shrugged. “Not really.”

“What if I picked a chick flick?”

“Then I’d just fall asleep.”

“You’re not falling asleep tonight,” Bea stated. “We’re watching The Silence of the Lambs.”

Harry’s lack of reaction seemed to deflate her. She clicked a button on the remote and the opening credits of the film began to roll.

“I have no clue how you’re with someone who writes and paints,” Bea murmured.

“If yeh figure it out, let me know.”

The pair lapsed into silence as the movie started. And didn’t even exchange a glance when Queenie appeared, curling up on the cushion between them.

Bea paused after a bit to take a call from Josie and microwave a bag of popcorn, and when she returned she found her cat sprawled across Harry’s lap, purring loudly, much to Harry’s chagrin. She had to consciously stop herself from spitting out laughter. Instead, she sat back in her seat and slid the bowl of popcorn into the spot that Queenie had abandoned.

***

“That was fucked up,” Harry eventually said, when the end credits of the movie had been rolling for a few minutes.

“Yes.”

“He wore the guy’s face.”

“He eats people. I feel like that’s the more fucked up of the two.”

Harry shook his limbs, as though he could expel the disturbing parts of the movie from his memory. Queenie, who hadn’t moved since she settled into his lap, took unkindly to his movement, stretched to the floor, and bounded into Bea’s bedroom.

“Glad Melody didn’t watch this one.”

Bea drew in a deep breath and shook her head. “Melody loves scary movies,” she informed him. "But that’s because she knows they’re not real. She’s not—It’s different when you live it, right?”

Harry fell silent. Whether she agreed or not, he was the one that had dragged Melody into a horror film of her own. Now she could barely sleep in her own bed because of his brother. And he didn’t know how else he could help, how else he could ward off the monsters.

“Speak of the devil,” Bea said as she caught sight of Harry’s phone, where it buzzed on the coffee table. “Mel” was spelled across the screen. Harry leaned forward to answer the call and bring the phone to his ear.

“Hi.”

“Hey, man.”

Sean’s voice sounded muffled and uneasy. Harry felt himself stiffen almost immediately, and his body language conveyed something to Bea. She unfolded her legs to place her feet flat on the floorboards.

“Wha’s wrong?”

“Why does something have to be wrong?”

“Because yeh’re callin’ me from Melody’s phone and yeh sound like yeh’re about to get in trouble. Don’ fuck with me.”

There was a brief hiccup of a chuckle on the other end of the line. It was a nervous sound. Harry didn’t like it one bit.

“Uh, she lost her match.” Sean cleared his throat before he went on. “She’s about to get an X-ray of her torso done right now. I’m sure it’s just—”

“Fuckin’ Christ, Sean! Yeh could’ve led with that.” Harry was already on his feet, reaching for the arm of the sofa to keep his balance when he realized he was forgetting his cane. He doubled back and waved off Bea’s desperate vie for information.

“She’s probably fine!” Sean defended. “I don’t think she broke anything or she would’ve been a little more hysterical.”

“For fuck’s sake. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Harry hung up before Sean could respond. “She’s gettin’ X-rays at the hospital,” he spat at Bea, who was following him around and demanding to know what was going on. “Might have a broken rib or somethin’.”

So much for this strange bonding experience that Melody had insisted on. It felt more like something sorority sisters might do on the weekends than anything else, anyway. And Harry didn’t wait for Bea as he hobbled down the complex stairs, struggling into a jacket while supporting himself with his cane. But somehow she ended up in the cab with him, and their mutual silence felt unifying.

***

“Floor two,” the woman at the lobby’s desk said. Harry was already crossing to the elevators, so she nearly shouted the room number to him. Bea, despite being in perfect health, had to rush to keep up with him. Her curls bounced with every hurried step.

“Harry, I’m sure she’s okay.” She tugged the zipper down on her jacket as they waited for an elevator and tried to catch her breath. This felt like exercise, and Bea hated exercise. “Not that you shouldn’t be worried,” she continued, “but don’t act like she’s on the brink of death. She’s used to injuries.”

Harry snorted humorlessly. Melody didn’t know what injuries were. She told him once that she’d never been to the hospital for herself. It was always a cousin giving birth or her father getting stitches. She had never split her skin open far enough to get stitched up herself, or been hit so hard that her insides were bleeding, or snapped a bone.

There was a musical ding as an elevator reached the ground floor. Harry didn’t wait for the family on it to exit before he shouldered past them and jammed his thumb into the button for the second story. Bea was more patient. She allowed everyone out before she stepped in beside Harry and watched him smash the button to close the elevator doors. It was almost endearing to see him so concerned, but it was also too intense for her tastes.

There was no elevator music to lull the pair of them. They waited in silence until they reached the floor that Melody was on and then navigated through the halls quickly until they found the correct room number. Sean was just inside the door.

“Ah, I thought you’d gotten lost or—”

“Fuck you,” Harry snapped as he stepped past his friend. Melody was laying in a hospital bed. This setting was so familiar to Harry, but with the roles reversed, it felt like he was having a nightmare of his own.

“You don’t have to be rude to him, you know,” Melody muttered.

She had an awful, swelling bruise on her forehead, so close to her temple that it could’ve made Harry sick. She was in a sports bra, and for the first time he noticed Vanessa, who was meticulously wrapping up Melody’s ribcage.

“‘S not broken?” was the first thing Harry said.

“No,” Vanessa answered.

“Bruised.” Sean took a step forward, trying to insert himself back into the conversation that he had been ejected from. “She was doing really well and then—”

“I don’ wanna hear from you,” Harry interrupted. Melody rolled her eyes. Sean sighed.

“Fine, I guess I’ll go home,” he said. “I’ll let Goodman know you’re out for at least a month.”

Melody’s eyes widened and when she moved, the pressure on her ribs made her flinch. “A month?”

“At least,” Sean repeated.

“It’s a bruise.”

“‘S a bruised rib, Melody,” Harry snapped.

Sean left without any goodbyes. Bea leaned up against the wall where he’d been standing and lifted an eyebrow. “Thought you had defenses like a brick wall,” she teased.

“Shut up,” Melody mumbled as Vanessa finished her work. The room fell silent.

“Do you want some ice for your face?” Vanessa asked eventually, when Melody had been avoiding everyone’s eyes and the rest of them were sick of looking at each other.

“No, I can just—”

“Yes, she’ll take some ice,” Harry cut in.

“You tend to interrupt people,” Melody informed him. She laid back gently against the pillows that had been propped up behind her. “Have you noticed?”

Bea snorted. “Pretty sure he does it on purpose,” she said before wandering out of the room. Vanessa glanced between Harry and Melody and then followed Bea. The tension that had already filled the air seemed to thicken, settling over the two of them like an unnavigable fog. Harry sliced through it first.

“This is why I don’ want yeh fighting,” he said.

“You’re such a hypocrite, Harry,” she muttered. Then her voice rose. “If you were still in the ring you’d be getting injured, too. And I—”

Harry ignored the sting that he felt, the knowledge that he couldn’t box in his current condition. What if she wasn’t able to write? These days it seemed just that she didn’t want to, but if she wasn’t able to, wouldn’t she feel this same sort of despair? “Mel, yeh bruised your fuckin’ rib.” He took a step further into the room. “A little more pressure and it breaks. A little less luck and it punctures a fuckin’ lung and yeh’re chokin’ on blood. These are not just injuries. Yeh didn’ just fall off a bike and scrape your knee.”

Melody paused. She didn’t know how to respond. That sounded like her own fears spit back in her face. A half inch to the left and that bullet would’ve killed you.

“Are you going to keep yelling?”

“‘M not fuckin’ yelling. Do yeh want me to yell?” Harry’s brows knitted together and he shook his head. “What did yeh expect, me to lay down next to yeh and tell yeh ‘m so glad yeh’re okay? ‘S not happenin’. Think I’ve made my feelings pretty clear when it comes to this.”

“Actually, I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t want to call you.” Melody licked her lips as she studied the anger etched into the lines of Harry’s face, and then the minuscule shift as he realized that Sean was on his side. At least in this moment. “It comes with being a boxer,” she said after a pause. “You told me that once.”

Harry sighed. “Yeh’re not a fuckin’ boxer, Mel. Yeh’re a writer. Yeh’re a painter.”

“I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, Harry. And you’re not going to tell me what that is.”

His features hardened for a moment and then he glanced out the window. There was snow falling, slowly and gently, without the force of the brutal wind that would arrive in the coming weeks. It was so peaceful out there, and Harry wondered how he’d let himself become so resentful.

He stared outside for a few long minutes and then let his eyes wander back to Melody, who was already picking absentmindedly at the wrappings of her ribcage. His legs were growing weary and he was on the verge of needing to sit. Melody glanced up when she felt the weight of his gaze.

“Can we go home now?” she asked, and her voice was so soft, so at odds with the way she’d spoken her last sentence, that Harry could feel himself physically jarred by the shift.

“I can’ help yeh walk,” he said, though the words tasted like acid. “Yeh’re gonna need Bea and I dunno where she went off to.”

Melody chewed on her lower lip. She felt guilty for the short argument they’d had, and she could see that same feeling reflected back at her. The match had tired her out, her bruised rib hurt with every expansive breath. In vain, tears began to collect at the corners of her reddening eyes.

“Don’,” Harry said, taking a shaky step forward. He could sense the shift even before he saw her chin trembling. “Please, don’.”

“I’m not, I’m not,” she murmured, pressing her fingers to her eyelids, as if they could keep the water back like a dam. “Uh, how was the movie?”

“It was good,” Harry assured her, surprising himself. He hadn’t known that he enjoyed it until then, when he was put on the spot. Bea appeared like she’d been summoned.

“I heard that!” she nearly shouted. “He liked it!” Then her eyes fell to Melody and her snide grin tipped into a frown. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying,” Melody said with a discrete sniffle. “Can someone ask Vanessa if we can leave?”

“She said you just need to take it easy for a few weeks.” Bea shuffled past Harry and pried Melody’s hands from her face. “Which means no training.”

“Perfect,” Melody mumbled. She allowed Bea to begin shifting her out of the bed, gently twisting her limbs, trying not to tweak her rib. Harry had to lower himself into the chair a few feet from where he had been standing to give his legs some relief.

“The wraps are just for you to get home.” Bea paused as Melody bit back a whimper, waiting for her to straighten her torso. “And she’s hooking you up with some pain meds.”

“Yeh’ll need ‘em,” Harry muttered. He stood back up as the girls made their way toward the door. They were a conspicuous group, with a cane, a wrapped ribcage, and shuffling footsteps. Eyes followed them through the halls, all the way to a cab.

***

Melody’s lips grew white as Harry helped her out of her wrappings. She screwed her eyes shut and her fingertips curled into his knee.

“Okay,” he whispered as he tugged the final loop of fabric loose, leaving her skin bare. The sight of her flesh made him hiss. “Who the fuck hit yeh, the Hulk?”

“Mmm.”

Harry pressed a hand to her cheek. Her skin was hot, damp, and he could feel her jaw twitching, like she might be grinding her teeth. Her breathing was shallow.

“Let’s get yeh some o’ those painkillers, yeah?”

“No, I’m okay,” she whispered, though her voice shook.

“Mel.” He pressed a kiss to one of her closed eyes. “I’ve had a bruised rib before.”

She didn’t respond. He heard her try to take a deeper breath and then felt her neck quiver beneath his fingertips. She shook with the effort of stifling a cough.

“Don’ do that.” He pressed her backward and she gasped, clinging to his arm and letting out an agonized sob at the sharp intake of breath. “‘M sorry,” he rushed. “Love, ‘m sorry. Just sit back for me.”

She let him lower her away from him, eyes still squeezed shut and chin beginning to tremble like it had in the hospital. Her eyelashes were wet and Harry touched his forehead to hers. “Okay?”

“No.”

He let out a short huff of acknowledgment and then lifted the pillow from beside them, holding it tenderly to her chest as he leaned back. “If yeh need to cough just hold this to your chest. ’S still gonna hurt but it’ll be better.”

There was a pause before she wrapped her arms around the pillow and sputtered out a few gentle coughs. Her eyelids fluttered, nails biting into her palms, lips curling into her mouth.

“Melody, yeh don’ have to pretend yeh’re not in fuckin’ pain,” Harry told her, pressing a hard kiss to her cheekbone. He brushed hair away from her forehead, carefully avoiding her bruise, and then used his thumb to pry her lips back into place before kissing them. “Not on my account. ‘M sorry I got angry. I don’ want yeh to fight. But if yeh’re hurtin’ like this ‘m not just gonna tell yeh to suck it up.”

Harry stroked her ear and her tensed facial muscles began to relax. Her lips parted. She opened her eyes to glance up at him and almost immediately let them fall closed again as she began to cry.

“Okay, okay,” he mumbled. He didn’t know whether it was for her or for himself. And he didn’t know if her tears were solely from the pain or for another reason entirely.

The mattress shifted despite his best efforts as Harry climbed off the bed. He hurried into the kitchen, gathering Melody’s prescription, a glass of water, and an ice pack. He almost didn’t even realize he’d forgotten his cane until he was laying himself down beside Melody, who had pulled the pillow up to cover the bottom half of her face, stifling her shallow sobs. But this wasn’t a moment to celebrate.

“All right, love, take some o’ these.” He shook out a few pills and reached across her for the glass he’d put on the night table. She lowered the pillow enough to toss the meds back and swallow a gulp of water, but Harry had to tug it from her grip so he could position the ice atop her angry, swelling bruise. Somehow, he’d finagled her bra over her head before attempting to unwrap her, and her breasts erupted in goosebumps at the cold touch.

“It fucking hurts,” she whimpered out.

“I know, I know.” Harry settled his hand over the ice pack, pressing his lips to Melody’s shoulder. “Give the pills a little bit o’ time.”

He fell silent and stroked her wrist with his free hand until her tears began to ebb. The clock read one in the morning. Bea had gone to bed as soon as they’d gotten home because she needed to work on a group project the next morning. Harry was beginning to feel tired himself, and he couldn’t imagine how exhausted Melody was.

“Just one problem after another,” he finally said. “Just can’ seem to catch a break, can we?”

“Wouldn’t life be so boring?”

He chuckled against her skin. “Just a little break would be nice, though.”

Melody didn’t respond. Her shallow breathing was beginning to slow. Harry kissed her cheek to check that she was truly asleep before he removed the ice pack from her side and very carefully covered her with the sheets. And he hoped that the rest of her healing would pass more smoothly than this first night.

Chapter 12

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

ok, if i don’t write this im gonna lose my mind -cue dmx ‘party up’-

here is a ridiculously detailed analysis of why i am bordering on near certainty of caryl endgame, and how everything that’s been set up from the start of s9 (yes, even c@rzekiel and d@nnie) has been leading up to this

spoilers and long-winded analysis under the cut

let’s take this step-by-step, okay? starting with:

The Titles:

i have said this about a million times now, but the very first indication of caryl came from the new opening credits, where mmb’s name was very strategically placed above the graphic of daryl’s crossbow, what’s meant to symbolize henry’s pike, and a bunch of cherokee roses. it was foreshadowing, not only of henry’s death, but also how her relationship with daryl was going to unfold, and, bear with me here, the downfall of c@rzekiel. speaking of which, let’s go there

C@rzekiel:

i have also rambled about this, too, but the way that kang designed this relationship between zeke and carol was so brilliant, because it was never supposed to be real, but you weren’t able to fully see how until the whole story was laid out before us. (which goes with my belief that kang tells stories over long, connected archs, and not just “you know what would be fun to toss in here rn for some drama?” 

carol

1. denied zeke’s proposal

2. never once told him she loved him

3. explicitly told those saviors she could have done without her ring (a line that had absolutely no need to be in there)

4. continuously rejected the title of queen

5. regularly visited daryl in the woods

6. said herself that all it was, was a fairytale. something i’ll delve into more when i talk about carol’s ptsd

but let me touch on how daryl plays into this. we know she regularly went out into the woods to be with daryl, and she did it because he was her tether back to reality. she was living a fantasy life, and knew deep down that it wasn’t real, but had to do it, for henry’s sake, and for the sake of her mental health, because at the time of the relationship, she had not remotely begun to deal with any of her grief

the first scene we get with her and zeke is directly after daryl saves zeke’s life, which is telling. and the first time we hear her talk about her feelings about zeke’s proposal she turned down it’s with daryl, and let us not forget that the script notes stated that daryl was experiencing jealousy about it. he never asked her not to, though, because he thought she was happy, and that was more important to him than her being with him. he was willing to give her up if it meant she was happy, like what kind of angst trope suffering is that?? -chefs kiss-

and we can’t forget that zeke canonically views daryl as a threat to his marriage (i mean, rightfully so). he literally tells daryl to back off his wife so that he can fix their marriage, because he knows carol is starting to go back to him

next!

flowers:

flowers have been being used as symbolism between these two across the past two seasons a bunch. flowers are in mmb’s title card. the first scene of carol/daryl in the time jump shows them seeing flowers. daryl brings carol a flower on the dinner tray. one of the upcoming episodes is “look at the flowers”. obviously the cherokee rose scene is iconic between them, and flowers to carol represent this weird dichotomy. on the one hand, they represent daryl comforting her and giving her hope, and on the other hand, they represent her downfall mentally from the grove. interesting that one of the threads throughout this current season is carol grappling between trying to stay grounded with daryl, and her losing herself to her grief

speaking of grief!

Carol’s PTSD:

people have bitched that kang is just telling carol’s same storyline all over again, to which i’m like, tf show are you watching?? here’s what kang has done. gimple dealt with carol by literally just locking her away in a house to mull over how terrible she is a person, while never once actually dealing with her grief, and then handed that over to kang as a boiling slop of diarrhea, and somehow kang managed to take that, perform alchemy, and turn it into delicious loving carol juice.

she had henry killed off to parallel sophia, yes, that’s true, but the /reason/ she did that is because she’s righting the wrongs that were done to carol by essentially rewriting her storyline the way it should have gone. carol has lost So Much. more than most, i think, and kang is like, “that would fuck someone up pretty fucking bad, i think, so let’s see her actually have to grapple with that.” kang stays true to the carol gimple created, in that her instinct is to run away (think boat), but she’s using daryl as a means of forcing her to confront her demons. the two of them, at any given time, are running away from their struggles, but daryl is finally at a place of stability, and so he’s taking carol by the hand and saying, “no. i’m not letting you do this again. you have to stay,” and carol does, because she loves him, but consequently she’s having to actually feel it (something she explicitly stated she “can’t let herself do”), and is now experiencing the consequences of it, and poor daryl is stuck trying to handle it. his entire plotline this season has revolved around trying to help carol heal her wounds so that they can finally be together the way they should have been ten years ago.

they should be together, and daryl shouldn’t be with anyone else? glad you asked, because that brings us to:

D@nnie:

i actually think that kang never meant to make daryl/connie a ship, bc nothing in season 9 really indicated anything more than a mutual respect, and part of me truly believes that she saw the reaction to the two of them, and was like, “you know what? i can work with this.”

carol is pushing daryl towards connie because she wants to take alpha down and knows she might go down with her and she needs to know daryl won’t be alone. that’s it. period. end of sentence.

but okay, let’s extrapolate. she asks him if he’s interested in connie, and daryl very, very bluntly says no. you can’t tell me that his answer was meant to be evasive. he delivered that line like straight up “no.” no room for debate about his feelings. if they wanted to leave room for doubt they would have had norman redo his delivery, because it is too obvious. he is shutting it down completely. and carol is like, “why not?” and /that’s/ when daryl gets evasive. very “don’t worry about it, why are you worrying about it, i’m not in love with you, shut up.” 

fucking kills me, guys.

now the current spoilers about carol telling daryl to get angry at her for (supposedly/probably) killing connie furthers this belief that she wants daryl to pull away from her. because he’s her tether, she loves him, and as long as he still wants her around she can’t leave. she wants him to hate her, and daryl refuses. he’s pissed as all get out about what she did, sure, but he doesn’t hate her. also, the idea that daryl going back to try and save connie and magna means he’s in love with connie is absolutely baffling. have you met daryl? his instinct is to save people at all costs. he wouldn’t leave his friends stuck in a fucking cave, are you serious? just because connie is a woman doesn’t mean daryl wants to fuck her. he’s allowed to care about his friends.

but anyway, the point here is that every “d@nnie” spoiler has been music to my ears, bc not once has it been actually shippy. that first episode with the asl book and them together? it was supposed to juxtapose zeke and carol, and how carol and daryl immediately forgot about connie and zeke in order to be with each other. every other thing with connie has either been very cute and platonic, or has been carol trying to push her on daryl. -chefs kiss- my dudes, you’re worrying about nothing

Misc bc I’m Late for Work:

here are just a handful of other indicators that caryl is on the horizon

-the dream where she dreams she’s MARRIED TO DARYL, and the scenes where she wakes up in bed and looks over and he’s not there. why set that up if the end result isn’t going to be them together in bed?

-the bracelet/the acorns and what they symbolize 

-the use of “we” (”we don’t sleep” “it was like that for us before all of this” “since when have we never been enough?” etc)

-their parallels to alpha/beta (see my other long-winded text post on that one)

-ten years worth of history between them!!! that kang understands and references (carol’s claustrophobic, look at the flowers, etc)

so anyway, i don’t have time to tie this up with a nice bow bc i really have to get to work, but this is all to say that i am very very confident about the caryl endgame. i think it’s being drawn out bc kang needs to right the wrongs done by gimple first, but that caryl is where she’s eventually headed. every spoiler has been 100% caryl positive to me. i am zen af, and i think you should be too.

i’ll add to this if i think of anything i missed, but here you go. caryl is endgame and they gon fuck

the end,

-diz   

[trensu]

Episode 14: The One where LWJ Sings to WWX, y’know, Like a Bro

WE’RE STILL IN THE BEST CAVE IN THE WORLD GUYS

AND WE START OFF WITH ~THEIR SONG~ PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AS LWJ GENTLY WAKES UP.

And first thing he notices is that he woke up with his forehead ribbon on his forehead where it’s supposed to be (it’s right there in the name) 

Wwx: oh yeah, i put it back on you while you were sleeping. I know how nervous you get when you’re not wearing it.

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

DID YOU?

HE PUT IT BACK ON HIM TO SPARE HIM ANXIETY

(You can't tell me that LWJ does not low-key have anxiety. Nobody's that much of a stickler for rules without being constantly anxious about breaking them. That's just facts)

Also, lol, the minute lwj wakes up, wwx is all “ah, must be 5am.” HE’S KEEPING TRACK OF TIME WITH LWJ’S SLEEP HABITS LOLOLOL

Now wwx and lwj are talking Important Escape Details

Wwx: yeah, went back into the pond and it looks like the Murder Turtle blocked off the escape route

Lwj: you shouldn’t be going into the pond with your injury

Wwx: i’m not that delicate!

And then he turns it around and asks lwj how well the medicine was working on his leg (it’s all better now, i guess?? idk he seems fine now. wq’s medicine is MAGIC)

BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER

Here we learn the official name of the Murder Turtle

Lwj: it’s like a xuanwu but not

Wwx: xuanwu?? *proceeds to describe what he knows about it*

Lwj: *is impressed and surprised*

Have more faith in your soulmate lwj. He reads! Sometimes! When it’s important!

Wwx: aren’t xuanwus supposed to have sharp teeth? Like Grrr

HE MAKES THE MOST ADORABLE GROWLY FACE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE AND MAKES THE CUTEST GROWL SOUND AT LWJ. AHHHHH!

But also, he’s disappointed that the xuanwu didn’t have sharp teeth?? WWX, THE THING TRIED TO EAT YOU JUST YESTERDAY. BE GRATEFUL IT DOESN’T HAVE SHARP TEETH

Wwx: it doesn’t even matter what it is! It’s a big monster and if we kill it we’ll be Big Damn Heroes

So EXCITED and EAGER and he has this MISCHIEVOUS LOOK ON HIS FACE. Obviously he’s suffered brain damage

Wwx: and, ah, if it kills us, it’s okay bc it’ll be an AWESOME death lol

Lwj just stares at him LOL

His face is like, “this guy? This is the guy my heart decided to fall for?? Really???”

Okay so now they’re being all sneaky and gathering up bows and arrows that surround the pond and then they go back and get to work on fixing them and preparing for battle

We get to see lwj practicing the chord assassination technique like a BADASS

They come up with a plan!! Wwx will go into the Murder Turtle’s shell to coax him out of it so that lwj can then, idk, decapitate it with his Killer String.

(that’s...not how actual turtles work, but bc this is a magic murder turtle, i figure the rules don’t apply)

AHHHHH

LWJ DOES A THING

So obvs since wwx has to go inside the shell and lwj has to stay outside the shell they gotta communicate right and Ancient Fantasy China does not have good cell reception

Wwx: listen to me

And with that verbal cue, lwj does this thing that makes his fingers glow with spiritual energy and then taps wwx’s forehead which then has a little burst of the glow for half a second.

And TA-DAH! NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED!!! 

THEY’RE SOULMATES AND NOW THEY’RE PSYCHICALLY LINKED YOUR OTP COULD NEVER

It must be a link that only lets them hear what the other wants them to hear otherwise wwx would’ve found out lwj is smitten with him right there and then, omg, that could’ve saved us so much heartbreak later on

But we’re not gonna think about that right now bc i don’t want to short-circuit my keyboard with tears

YUCK, wwx is inside the Murder Turtle’s shell and it’s SUPER GROSS

EVERYTHING IS ALL RED

THE FLOOR’S ALL MUDDY AND GUMMY

THERE’S LIKE, FLESHY ROPES HANGING EVERYWHERE

DISGUSTING

Wwx: ewww, it stinks so bad i wanna puke *chokes back bile*

BE STRONG WWX, YOU CAN DO THIS

And now he’s bumped into some dead bodies 

WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOUR FACE SO CLOSE TO THE DEAD BODIES WWX, THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA. YOU WERE JUST COMPLAINING ABOUT THE STENCH 2 SECONDS AGO, AND NOW YOU’RE SHOVING YOUR FACE IN IT???

Oh noooo, now he’s found the Screaming Sword of Resentment that screams bloody murder at him

He grabs it and stabs Murder Turtle in the face which makes Murder Turtle mad enough to get out of the shell

We’re going to continue to ignore the bad cgi and ridiculously over the top fighting moves

...and the way he floats horizontally(??? somehow??) as the Murder Turtle tries to shake him off

My poor bb is hanging on for dear life while lwj does his Killer String thing

I LOVE LWJ’S DETERMINED FACE HERE!!

His brow is all scrunched up and his mouth gets all pinched and firm. SO DASHING LAN ZHAN, GO SAVE YOUR SOULMATE.

But oh no! The resentful energy pouring from the sword is getting to wwx!

Uh oh, I did not like the look of that grin on wwx’s face

that was NOT HIS MISCHIEVOUS GRIN

THAT WAS A MALEVOLENT GRIN.

I DON’T LIKE IT

STOP THAT WWX

BE A GOOD BOY

Lwj shouts his name, he’s so worried!!

And now we see wwx use resentful energy for the first time ever!!

In a badass move he starts levitating all the abandoned swords and staffs that littered the shore AND USES THEM TO STAB THE MURDER TURTLE IN THE THROAT

SO COOL, SO COOL

Murder Turtle flops over dead and takes wwx down with him INTO THE POND AND WWX IS UNCONSCIOUS!! NOOOOOOO

Lwj, ofc, rushes to his side as soon as he hits the water and rescues him

He gets him out of the pond and takes him to dry land

Lwj: wei ying, wei ying! Wake up, wake up

GUYS, THIS IS THE MOST EMOTION WE’VE HEARD IN HIS VOICE SO FAR

HE’S REPEATING HIMSELF FOR GOODNESS SAKE

HE OF FEW WORDS GOES ON TO REPEAT HIMSELF TWICE OVER

HE’S FREAKING OUT

Oh gross, we cut to the Evil Wen’s lair 

C’mon nobody cares about whatever’s going on there. Get us back to the important stuff!!! I am Done listening to evil wens ranting

AHH WE’RE BACK IN THE CAVE WITH OUR BOYS!!

WWX REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS!!

Wwx: lan zhan, is it dead?

Lwj: yes

Wwx: yes? (he says weakly, in disbelief, MY POOR WWX)

Wwx: is it dead? (why’s he repeating himself, WWX ARE YOU OKAY??)

(I mean, obviously he's not what with the murder turtle thing but I don't think he can afford to get more brain damage at this point)

Lwj: yes, it is.

Oh and now wwx is telling lwj about all the screaming voices he heard from the sword and asks him if he was dreaming those up

LIKE HE’S NOT TRUSTING HIS GRASP ON REALITY RN OR SOMETHING!!

AND HE’LL ONLY TRUST IT IF LWJ CONFIRMS IT FOR HIM

BC HE TRUSTS HIM AND THEY’RE SOULMATES!!!

Lwj reassures wwx that he did not dream up those screams

(Somebody should probably check him for a concussion,jic. I mean those screams were real THIS time but you never know!!)

(Maybe concussions don't exist in Ancient Fantasy China, idk)

Wwx is all pale and shaky!! MY POOR WWX!! Lwj is rightfully fussing over him

He lets out a weak laugh (BC THAT’S HIS COPING MECHANISM, DIFFUSE THE SITUATION WITH HUMOR, MY POOR WWX) and is like “who knew that one day i’d get to see the 2nd jade of lan look so worried?”

IT’S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU, WWX, YOU DENSE IDIOT

Lwj doesn’t respond but he does look away briefly LIKE HE’S AFRAID OF WWX SEEING SO MUCH EMOTION ON HIS FACE

AAHHHH, LAN ZHAN, IT’S OKAY, DON’T HIDE AWAY LIKE THAT!! I PROMISE WWX LOVES YOU TOO!!!

WWX: lan zhan, i didn’t think i’d survive this

He whispers weakly AS HIS BODY IS STARTS TO TREMBLE LIKE CRAZY

Lwj: wei ying, you have a fever

And then he brings wwx’s wrist close to start pouring in some spiritual energy

SO GENTLY, WITH SUCH DEDICATED CONCENTRATION

BC HIS WEI YING IS HURTING AND HE WANTS TO MAKE IT STOP

AAHHHHH

WWX: that’s so soothing lan zhan

Oh jeez, the way he sounds when he says that...

And omg the way lwj looks in the blue glow of the spiritual energy transfer

AS IF HE DIDN’T ALREADY LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF HOLY DEITY, HE’S LEGIT GLOWING NOW TOO

WWX: how boring...why hasn’t jc showed up to rescue me yet?

Uh, rude much? Lwj is right there

AND HERE WE COLLECTIVELY LOSE OUR MINDS BC WWX ASKS LWJ TO SING TO HIM!!!!!!!!!!

AND LWJ STARTS TO SING TO HIM!!!!!

AND THIS IS WHERE WE GET ~THEIR SONG~ ACKNOWLEDGED BY THE CHARACTERS FOR THE FIRST TIME BC THAT’S WHAT HE SINGS TO WEI YING

AND WHILE HE SINGS, WE GET GIVEN THE MOST WONDERFUL OF ALL FLASHBACKS. 

IT IS A COMPILATION OF ALL THEIR IMPORTANT MOMENTS TOGETHER SO FAR

THEIR MOONLIT ROOFTOP SWORD FIGHT!!

THEIR COLD POND CAVE MARRIAGE!!

THEIR BUNNY LANTERN!!

BASICALLY EVERYTHING I’VE BEEN SCREAMING ABOUT THESE PAST 14 EPISODES

I’M LITERALLY TEARING UP

I CNA’T TAKE IT

MY HEART, MY HEART 💕💕💕

THEY’RE SINGING ~THEIR SONG~ AND I’M DYING OF FEELINGS OVERLOAD

Also, jfc, there’s no Heterosexual explanation for that flashback sequence…

Wwx: it sounds so nice, so nice, what’s the name of the song…?

AHHHHHH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

LWJ TELLS HIM THE NAME OF THE SONG!!

!!HE PRACTICALLY CONFESSES HIS ETERNAL UNDYING LOVE TO HIM

AND WWX HAS TO FUCKING PASS OUT BEFORE HE HEARS IT GOD DAMN IT

IT’S LIKE GETTING COCKBLOCKED, BUT LIKE, EMOTIONALLY WHICH IS SO MUCH WORSE  WTF

And when wwx wakes up again, he’s out of the cave!

But instead of seeing lwj’s godly visage, he wakes up to that peacock jzx and is like “you??”

Jc shows up!

Wwx: where’s lan zhan?

Jc: he left

Wwx: he left?? But he’s still injured!!

Jc: so is everyone else!! And he went back to gusu so…

Wwx: but he--

Jc: A THANK YOU WOULD BE NICE

Jc: IT’S NOT LIKE I TRAVELED WITHOUT REST FOR 7 DAYS TO GET HELP AND RESCUE YOU

Now we got to go through Plot Things

We’re at Lotus Pier!! (where wwx proceeds to pass out again!! Get used to it guys, he does this a lot)

Then the yunmeng sibs have a beautiful moment together

Okay, we’re gonna pause here BC WWX IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE??

He gets all pouty and asks jyl to clean his face for him bc his arms are too tired and jyl does it bc she loves her brother

AND HIS ADORABLE FACE

HIS SO CUTE ADORABLE FACE WHEN SHE CLEANS HIM UP

I CAN’T I CAN’T

IT’S TOO MUCH

HOW IS THIS GUY AN ACTUAL PERSON THAT EXISTS 

Lol, wwx is like, i wish you’d been there in the cave with me jc, lan zhan almost bored me to death

What a liar, lol

Like he wasn't completely enraptured by LWJ's presence the ENTIRE TIME

Oh yikes, we’ve got some screwed up family dynamics in the Jiang Family courtesy of m-yu and jfm.

For the sake of my sanity we’re gonna gloss over that

Now that the parents stormed off, wwx does his best to console jc (bc his parents, double yikes)

Now watch me as a break down sobbing when wwx makes A PROMISE HE WON’T BE ABLE TO KEEEEEP

I’ll be your right hand man, he tells him. Gusu has the twin jades, but yunmeng will have twin heroes, he says

(WHY MUST YOU HURT ME THIS WAY, SHOW, WHYYYYY)

After wwx says those things about the twins, he looks up at the sky wistfully and asks jc “do you think we’ll ever see them again?”

“Them” he says, like he’s not completely talking about just lan zhan

jc’s like how the heck would i know???

And we end the episode with wwx still gazing at the sky, dreaming about his lan zhan

I mean, we don’t see it, the dreams or thoughts or whatever, but we kNOW IN OUR HEARTS THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING

This was a Very Heterosexual episode. For that I give it 10/10 stars. I would watch that flashback sequence with him singing over and over and over and over and over and ov--

Return to Masterpost

[pricklyest]

#nsfw May I suggest the very erotic very wicked alternative of licking the dick until it nuts

#nsfw #sexual assault cw

under a read more bc I spent a lot of time talking about people’s entitlement in sexual situations

so obviously you’re right that that is an option but a) it’s not the same experience for me, and more importantly, b) a lot of people really suck at boundaries and while it’s easy to say that I just shouldn’t have sex w people who are bad at boundaries, the reality is there’s not exactly a good way to make sure that I never have sex w people who are bad at boundaries esp considering that I like to have a lot of casual sex. 

and my experience w people who are bad at boundaries is that if you give them a little bit, they’re going to keep trying to push you for more. it’s a lot easier to maintain a boundary of not giving oral at all than it is to maintain the boundary of not sucking dick while also being okay with putting my mouth literally anywhere near the dick in question. and it’s still not easy to maintain that boundary, because a lot of people (cis men in particular, but I’ve had sex with more than one person who wasn’t a cis man who was like this, including people who don’t have dicks who’ve been like this, but I am primarily talking about my experiences w cis men rn) hear that you’re not interested in going down on someone and they get really Weird about it. 

best case scenario, I’ve had people unmatch me on tinder for being up front about not giving head. which is really how I’d prefer that go, bc if that’s something you need in order to feel sexually satisfied, then we’re obviously not compatible because, hey, I have this fucked up jaw (and also it would be a valid boundary to have whether it’s bc of a fucked up jaw, trauma, you just don’t enjoy going down on people, or even if you’re not feeling it that day). but sometimes I forget to communicate what my hard limits are until meeting up w someone in person and sometimes I forget to communicate that particular hard limit until someone (verbally or nonverbally) asks me to go down on them and sometimes that conversation doesn’t go well. and if it’s not going to go well w someone, it definitely always goes worse if I try to give them a little bit of leeway by saying “oh but hey I’ll treat your dick like an ice cream cone until you come” including people acting like that’s okay but then physically trying to get me to suck them off anyway which is. not how I want my sexual encounters to go. 

and it’s not like being able to do the thing people want me to do is a good solution for the fact that a lot of people are shit, but like. I don’t know. I want to not have this extra layer of things to worry about when I’m trying to have fun, casual sex. 

[crowned-ladybug]

So I said I wanted to see demon AUs that aren’t smut and that I sadly don’t have the energy to make my own rn, and then I went ahead and accidentally made one anyway

So here’s some incomplete notes on it. It’s 2.7k words. I’m so sorry.

Local dumbass heir to the throne (Joseph) doesn’t Wanna be a heir to the throne bc it’s Boring he’s always wanted to be an Adventurer but here he is anyway. Then one night he gets drunk off his ass and manages to?? accidentally summon a demon??? in his friend’s Magic Lab???

(The friend is Avdol and he’s v v tired of Joseph’s shit)

fuckin Joseph made a drunk deal with a demon who Absolutely saw nothing against making a deal with the royal heir currently drunk off his ass bc hey, free deal

luckily the deal wasn’t for Joseph’s soul or firstborn child or half his kingdom or whatever. Instead the deal is a magical bond between Joseph and the demon that allows the demon to share in Joseph’s life energy/general basic human magic and thus be able to exist in the human world in a stable form without having to go home to rest every once in a while or having to maintain like ten spells Just In Case

the demon is doing this whole deal thing bc 1) he Has to, it’s kind of his Job and 2) he’s looking for vengance on a gang of demon hunters who have killed his family but since they’re human, he needs a way into the human world for a longer term to be able to hunt them down

the demon is Caesar in case you haven’t figured that out yet

Joseph is a lot less concerned about having made a deal with a Literal Demon than he should be. He thinks it’s p hilarious actually and Caesar immediately starts having regrets (he’d bond with Avdol over it if he were willing to lower himself to the level of Measly Mortals)

the fun thing is that bc he’s tied to Joseph magically to allow him to freely exist in the human world, Caesar can’t get out of a few mile radius of him, which kinda makes his plans to hunt down the demon hunters (*cough* Pillar Men *cough*) a lot harder and Joseph even more annoying to deal with

the logical solution to that is to pass Caesar off as a servant Joseph befriends, so that he can stay in the castle, and then eventually they can go off on some adventure together to defeat the Pillar Men (or, well, so that Caesar can defeat the Pillar Men while keeping Joseph at arm’s length) which would also mean that Joseph can Finally get his big adventure he’s been dreaming about

then Joseph gets the genius idea to kill even More birds with one stone and decides that Caesar should pretend to be his bf bc all the annoying ass nobles and shit won’t leave him alone about not having a partner and “oh no, you’re of age now, what will happen if you have to take the throne but have no queen by your side?” and everyone keeps trying to woo him and it was fun at first but now it’s just goddamn Tiring

Caesar agrees to it eventually bc Anything as long as Joseph lets him do his research on the Pillar Men in peace. He doesn’t really realise what fake-dating the annoying bastard entails until he’s already too deep into it and he kinda literally can’t go back on his promises to Joseph, being a contract-bound demon

(Caesar looks like a proper demon normally but he Can disguise himself as p much entirely human-looking if he needs to. It takes energy tho, so he reverts back to his demonic looks whenever he’s safe from prying eyes, or if he’s unconscious)

they’re essentially fake-married for magic tax benefits it’s so great

there’s Definitely some Magic Soulbond Shenanigans along the line of “if one gets hurt the other also feels it”

they find out that Caesar reverts to his demonic form when asleep when he pulls two all-nighters in a row looking for information on the Pillar Men and passes out in Avdol’s study, scaring the shit out of poor Avdol. After that they manage to land a room for him in the castle with some lie about him having travelled here from faraway lands (technically true) and having nowhere else to stay (also technically true), but he also spends a lot of his time in Avdol’s study and Joseph’s room without his disguise, solely for convenience’s sake

they ofc have to fool Everyone with the fake dating, including Joseph’s family, bc No One else can know that Caesar is a demon on a quest for vengeance. The worst, most unexpected part for Caesar is that Queen Erina and Lord Speedwagon actually seem to like him?? they’re just genuinely nice to him??? simply bc he’s around Joseph and bc they find him likeable??? he did Not expect Anyone to be nice to him in the human world, what the Fuck, he doesn’t know how to Deal With That

Suzi is Technically a servant but she’s been Joseph’s friend since they were lil kids so she was essentially raised alongside him and they’re best friends and Suzi can only keep Joseph out of dumb shit like half the time bc the other half she’s right there in it with him

she is Entirely unfazed by Caesar, sees through the pretend relationship in like two minutes and knows immeditely that Something Is Up. When she accidentally catches Caesar in his demon form while checking to make sure he’s not stacking all-nighters again, she doesn’t even bat an eye (meanwhile Caesar’s thoughts are entirely “oh fuck do I have to kill her now, Joseph’s gonna kill me if I do, oh fuck, oh fuck”) just tells him to go to sleep on time and then leaves (to call Joseph out on getting himself into even deeper shit than she’d originally thought)

look idk what he does or what relevance he ends up having to the plot but Polnareff is also there, he’s a dumbass knight who’s the reason Joseph knows how to Not fight properly (bc Polnareff has a shitton of dumb tricks and Joseph knows all of them) and has a giant crush on Avdol

god there’s just. A Shitton of dumb shenanigans during their time in the castle, both with the fake-dating (like having to teach Caesar proper royal etiquette and him getting Very confused and flustered when Joseph casually flirts with him) and with hiding Caesar being a demon (they have so many stupid close calls and make so many dumb decisions they Really Shouldn’t, it’s great)

when the time comes to go and find and kill the Pillar Men, it’s only Caesar and Joseph going bc Caesar doesn’t want any more ppl in this mission than absolutely necessary, totally not bc they’re his friends and he worries about them or anything

they get some tips on where to look and how to get there from this weird adventurer dude who passes through the castle on his travels every once in a while. Joseph’s only met him in passing but he thinks he seems fun and has his own dumbass theory that he’s totally some runaway royalty or something. Instead turns out that the dude is half demon and actually related to Caesar and Caesar, being an orphan and all, had thought finding a remaining member of his family would be Way more thrilling but no this dude is just as weird and annoying as Joseph so he’d like a refund pls

(the dude’s Gyro. Ofc it’s fuckin Gyro. Johnny’s there too somewhere I just haven’t figured that out yet. He might actually be the top horse trainer/caretaker/whatever of the castle and the True reason Gyro travels this way every time is bc he’s smitten as hell)

while Gyro gives them some advice he also tells them that hey. Maybe you shouldn’t do this?? esp not just the two of you??? Considering the Pillar Men are known to be ruthless and Very good at killing demons

ofc these idiots Don’t Listen and go after them together anyway

the plan technically is that Joseph stays a safe distance away while Caesar goes and fights the Pillar Men and Totally wins but like. ofc he doesn’t listen and refuses to stay on his ass and let Caesar leave so they go in together anyway

they manage to find Santana alone and Actually Kill Him but it’s a close one, much tougher than anticipated bc as I said before, these dudes are Really Good at killing demons and also just killing in general. It’s also when Caesar realises the full scope of the “if one gets hurt, the other also feels it” part of his bond with Joseph bc Joseph gets hurt worse during the battle and Caesar is so shocked by his own reaction to it that he’s frozen for a moment and it almost costs him his life

that night when they’re camping out after the battle, Joseph reveals that a long while ago he figured out how to break their magic bond without it hurting either of them or sending Caesar right back to his own world. it’s some old spell he found in one of Avdol’s books or something, idk, and at first he’d kept it hidden from Everyone bc he was starting to really like Caesar but knew that Caesar was only around him out of necessity (not true actually but Caesar hid and denied his growing fondness for v v long) and he didn’t want him to leave the moment he realised he Could, even if it was v v selfish of him and he feels like shit about it now. And then later on when it turned out that they’re gonna see this quest through together anyway, he figured it didn’t matter anymore and so he kinda just forgot about it

but he’s remembered it again before they left and packed what he needs for it as a grim Just In Case (and it may or may not be a weird red gem bc yknow, but idk yet) and now he offers to break the bond already bc of how him getting hurt almost got Caesar killed. But Caesar tells him not to, bc it doesn’t matter now and a spell like that would probably take a lot of energy out of both of them when they need everything they’ve got for the upcoming battles

in reality he doesn’t want the bond broken bc it makes him feel like he’s got a right and a reason to stay, without having to fully face just how much he cares about Joseph, and bc it makes sure that Joseph is never far from him and lets him know if he’s hurt and maybe like this he can somehow protect him from getting hurt again

spoiler alert: he can’t

the fight with the other three Pillar Men doesn’t go their way at all. I mean it’s 3 vs 2 and the 3 are Very Good at killing so it should be Expected, but they’re young and dumb and Caesar is stubborn and still thirsting for revenge and if Joseph can’t hold him back then at least he can stay with him

they both get badly hurt and when it looks like it’s just it for both of them, Joseph brings out that spell again and breaks their bond before Caesar could tell him to stop and tells Caesar to run, to get away and don’t even fucking look back, just Go. When Caesar tries to object, Joseph tells him that he’s not dying just so Caesar can get himself killed too and Caesar is too scared to do anything but listen and run as Joseph leaves himself no escape and takes another two of the Pillar Men down with him before Caesar could figure out a way to save him

Joseph survives, Somehow, minus a hand anyway. He wakes up again in his own room in the castle and he has No Idea how he got back or who even found him and his best guess is that Gyro and Johnny have followed them and lbr Avdol’s magic has probably had a part to play in it too

and Caesar is just. Gone. Separated from Joseph and already weak from the fight, he didn’t have enough magic left to remain in the human world for long and thus got pulled back into his own world, and being just a normal demon, he can’t even cross back over without being summoned. But Joseph doesn’t know any of that, he just knows that Caesar is Gone and he strongly doubts he’s coming back bc he hasn’t already and he’s p damn heartbroken about it

meanwhile Caesar isn’t having much better of a time in his own world either. Bc nothing went well, Nothing, but he realises that he doesn’t even care about his revenge plan anymore, he doesn’t care about hunting Kars down and avenging his family. But he’s just lost the only family he’s had Again, the ppl in the castle this time, and he’s stuck here without any way back unless someone accidentally summons him again, and for what he knows Joseph had died to save him and Caesar didn’t even get to say goodbye or bury him

this v shitty state lasts until Joseph’s desperation + a lil nudge from Avdol and Suzi gets him to try summoning Caesar again (bc Joseph decides that if he gets no response at all, if the spell fails, it means Caesar’s really just Gone and he hadn’t made it out alive after all, but having definite knowledge of that will still be better than just Not Knowing and hoping for the rest of his life)

Avdol lets him take his study all to himself and so Joseph settles in during the afternoon and gets to finding the spell which is Not Easy bc he’d been drunk off his ass when he’d first found and performed it. He’s starting to lose hope and think that maybe the spell doesn’t even Exist in Avdol’s books, he’d just butchered a completely different spell and that’s how he got to Caesar, when he Finally finds it, and it’s almost midnight at that point and he’s Exhausted and Scared and Sad and he just Wants This To Work

the spell asks for an offering for the demon’s services, and the first time around Joseph had said something like “idk name your price” which is how Caesar had got the bond he needed (tho Joseph doesn’t actually remember this)

this time he just says “anything” which is a p dumb thing to offer when making a deal with a Literal Demon but he doesn’t care, this is Caesar, he trusts him and he loves him and he’d damn right give anything to just know that he’s okay and maybe get to see him again

and the spell Works it fuckin Works even if it takes a moment and there’s a flash of light and then suddenly there’s Caesar, sitting on the ground in Avdol’s study in all his demonic glory, blinking as his eyes adjust to the dim light and until he sees Joseph sitting on the ground in front of him, crying. And from then on it’s just a big “i thought I lost you” reunion moment that’s so happy it Hurts. They stay sitting on the floor for Hours despite it being late at night, just pressed together and talking about anything and just enjoying each others presence bc they’ve missed each other and thought they’d never see each other again

the next morning Avdol finds them sitting against the wall in a pile and fast asleep and decides to take the day off and goes to find Suzi and Polnareff to tell them the news

idk where the rest of the plot goes yet bc Kars is still out there and Erina and Speedwagon still don’t know about the whole demon thing but have this for now

[sunsetsover]

Okay i gotta ask this: do you think ballum is endgame or the writers might be willing to almost let them go?? Since max bowden kinda implied their not together for at least a few months

i think it’s a soap so there’s very rarely such thing as endgame for anyone or anything bc things are constantly changing and actors leave and stuff so even if the writing team intended for something to happen it doesn’t always work out like that in reality (just look at rbrn - i’m sure the writers genuinely intended to have them have kids and go the distance but ryan decided to leave so they had to do something different and split them up) so really endgame isn’t really a realistic thing to want from a soap (though i’d be the first to admit that doesn’t stop us wanting it lmao)

as for right now i think ee knows they have a good thing in ben and callum and will probably try and keep them together (or at the very least in each other’s orbits) for as long as possible bc it’s getting them viewers and popularity and essentially free promo for the show via the fans so like just in a business sense it makes sense to keep them going and have them go as far as they can go you know?? it’s why shameless brought back mickey and ian - they knew it was gonna bring in viewers. similar logic w ben and callum. ee want what those two are bringing them, so they’d be crazy to split them now, esp after almost a year of them being so heavily focused on. so logically?? this split will most likely not be permanent. but you also never know what’s gonna happen bc this is a soap so i would never say ‘yeah 100% they’ll get back together’ u know lol but at this point i’m fairly confident lol

but also i will say that the reaction to max saying he ‘hopes’ they get back together has been massively blown out of proportion bc like... it’s a press event and rn they’re pushing the break up thing so he’s NOT gonna be like ‘yeah i’m sure they will’ bc that would defeat the whole purpose of the break up stuff ygm?? like the actors are literally told beforehand what they can/can’t should/shouldn’t say so i personally would put very little weight on that. just like magazine articles, events like that are designed to build up hype. plus the whole ‘they’re not getting together for at least six weeks because max hinted that they’re not even filming together and they film six weeks in advance’ logic is flawed anyway bc they must get their scripts even further in advance than that ??? so he probably knows months in advance but of COURSE he’s not gonna say that bc that would give the whole thing away and just bc he said they doesn’t even mean it’s true so just?? try not to worry about that too much lol

tldr: endgame is not realistic but i doubt the show would want to end them for good any time soon considering how much attention and buzz they’re bringing to the show :-)

[elsaclack]

hi em how are you? i've been dying to get your opinion on the lover album, if you have the time/interest :)

hi i’m good!!! i’m real good my mom’s doctor gave us really good news yesterday so i’m cruising on good vibes rn and yeah i’m great!!!

literally i have been DYING to unload my thoughts on lover since 3 seconds after it came out omg????? i had a deeply intense discussion with my roommate last night about each song on the album and what it specifically means to us so like this is Peak Talking Opportunity For Me which as a messy hoe i honestly love

i’m putting it under the cut though bc i do not want to be Obnoxious

okay first and foremost, i forgot that you existed? DEEPLY iconic. my roommate doesn’t like this one as much as some of the others on the album but it’s def top 3 for me. like, everything about it is so perfect - the message the song sends is one of hope for people who are kind of hopelessly tangled up in drama at the moment (i.e. don’t worry, soon enough you’re going to wake up one day and forget that all of those people even exist (which is HELLA true)) but like!!! even the music she wrote with the song kind of supports the message!! my roommate’s biggest complaint with that song is that she feels like the music needs to Build and Go Places more than it does, but like........god the whole point of the song is that it’s written to a person taylor’s indifferent toward, shouldn’t the music seem a little indifferent too?? like yes there’s joy and it does build and it does move but if it DID get super dramatic it would actually contradict the message of the song so like??? it’s??? perfect??? and i have scream-singed it in my car a million times already thank u for asking

i’ll be honest, cruel summer doesn’t do as much for me as some of the other songs on the album,,,,,i mean i like it and i can DEF sing along to it and the line “i love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard” is such a mood. it’s the first song on the album that i was like oh she probably started writing that (or at least getting the idea to write it) the summer every angry mob in america was calling for her head bc like there’s definitely a sense of self-deprecation/preservation in some of the lyrics. idk it strikes me as a song about how terrifying vulnerability is especially in the face of such public and global hatred directed toward you

LOVER. lover. lllllllover oh my god i love lover which i was not prepared to do since that word seriously bums me out 100% of the time but it’s so sweet??? so sweet and honest and like. what i thought love was when i was a kid?? just finding that other person and being like “oh, you’re like....you’re IT” and like HA wouldn’t it be grand to be in love?? also the brIDGE??? THE BRIDGE!!!!! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WILL YOU PLEASE STAND!!! WITH EVERY GUITAR STRING SCAR ON MY HAND!!! I TAKE THIS MAGNETIC FORCE OF A MAN TO BE MY LOVERRRRRR!!!! MY HEART’S BEEN BORROWED AND YOUR’S HAS BEEN BLUE!!! ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL TO END UP WITH YOU!!! SWEAR TO BE OVER-DRAMATIC A N D T R U E TO MY LOVERRRRR!!!! and oh man i wanna be in love anyways moving on

the man honestly took me a few tries to like but i definitely have a healthy amount of respect for it now. like idk it felt a little out of place at first given that this whole album is supposed to be about love and that song is,,,,,,not (at first glance) but the more i listen to it the more i realize that it sort of is in a way? like she’s been painted as this serial dater since day one when in reality her dating history isn’t really that sordid?? just extremely public. and in listening to the lyrics it sort of dawned on me that her frustration with the way society treats women stems from that reputation (ha) that was forced on her and the way that reputation colored every other interaction she’s ever had with popular culture. like every microinteraction i’ve heard about involving her has been overwhelmingly positive but then you look at media as a whole and they make her out to be this entirely different person and part of u has to wonder if it would even be an issue if you took all the same behaviors, dating history, microinteractions etc. and applied them to an equally famous man. and the answer is no it would not be an issue

the archer made me cry the first time i heard it and it still kind of strikes me at my core a lot if i don’t distract myself with other things while it’s on? like sitting down and actually listening to the words is. tough bc i relate to it a lot and not in the fun scream-sing in the car way that i relate to i forgot that you existed. that song actually makes me really uncomfortable with who i am bc like god!!!!! i have been the archer!!!! i have been the prey!!!! i don’t understand why people have left me and i REALLY don’t understand why people stay!!!!! in all seriousness though it goes back to that struggling with vulnerability thing - by being vulnerable you’re opening up the scariest, rawest parts of yourself to other people and risking being rejected for those scary raw parts. it’s a song about struggling between building those walls up to protect yourself or risking getting hurt for the sake of love - and lucky for her she seems to have found someone who has seen the scary raw stuff in her life and has decided that he wants to stay

i think he knows is the song both me and my roommate bump in our cars whenever we go places together because it’s SO FUN i don’t even know what else to say other than i cry laughing every time my roommate tries to sing “lyrical smile indigo eyes hand on my thigh we can follow the sparks i’ll drive” bc it’s SUCH a tongue-twister for her it’s fhaldskfhadslfkj FUNNY

miss americana & the heartbreak prince is another one that i was kind of so-so about at first but the more i listen to it the more i love it?? it’s so Dramatique in the best way like it makes me feel like i’m watching a movie preview about a dystopian high school in slow motion and honestly i LOVE it

my roommate’s favorite song on the whole album is paper rings and i love it too honestly it’s another one we bump in the car bc it’s SUPER fun to sing with other people lmfao she described it as “the song you hear in a preview for a romcom set in new york city” and i was like YEAH THAT’S ACCURATE but what’s really funny is that?? that’s probably?? exactly?? what it is?? anyways

i’m kind of...meh...about cornelia street yikes i’ve read people talking about how good it is and i’m trying to like it but it’s just,,,,i mean it’s not bad not by any stretch of the imagination but personally i like other songs on the album more hfaldskfjs

death by a thousand cuts!!!!!! that’s my roommate’s other favorite song lmao!!! again the more i listen to it the more i like it but i def like others on the album more at this point

i had london boy stuck in my head all day yesterday it’s so funny god i know a lot of people who live in and around london have some issues with it which is FINE i won’t pretend like i know anything about it but i think it’s cute LMAO

i can’t listen to soon you’ll get better without legit ugly crying (like we’re talking full on sobbing) just because of everything going on with my own mom right now so maybe in a year or two when things have cleared a little for her i might be able to listen to it again but rn i’ve only listened to it all the way through once

honestly i don’t really like false god that much and i can’t really identify why it’s just,,,,fhasdlfk

you need to calm down is just a straight up bop that i sing in the shower a lot and i know it was controversial esp after the music video came out but like. on a base level the song is just fun

afterglow is one of my other top three on the album,,,,,,,,bc again,,,,,,,,,,relatable,,,,,,,like realizing that she’s safe with this person after kind of instinctively flying off the handle,,,,,,,god. idk i’ve heard a lot of apology songs in the past but this one kind of strikes me bc like,,,,idk she takes full responsibility for it rather than trying to justify it with the conditions that beat that kind of behavior into her over the last few years. she’s taking responsibility for her actions, she’s apologizing, she’s asking him to stay, and at the same time she’s pointing out that she’s human and will probably make similar mistakes in the future and idk that’s just reassuring? bc i’m also human and i also make really big dumb mistakes that hurt other people in the name of self-preservation and i can only hope that someday i’ll meet someone who will stick around anyways

me! is a bop as well it’s massively overplayed at this point and i kind of skip it when i’m listening by myself but my roommate and i scream-sing that one too LMFAO

it’s nice to have a friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this really is what i thought love would be when i was in like 3rd grade and just becoming aware of it as a concept!!!!!!!! there was a little boy who lived next door and we were best friends growing up and there was never any romantic aspect to our friendship (that i am aware of) but we used to play outside together all the time and it was sweet and simple and secure and that’s the way that song makes me feel!!! also i read that every single instrument/vocal performance on that song (outside of taylor herself) was done by a children’s music group which just adds to the childlike sweetness of the song and gah it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

daylight,,,,,,,,,,,,,that’s my number 1 y’all i freaking LOVE daylight holy HELL i can’t wait to make my other roommate play/sing it with me at our house show next month??? god it’s just. it’s so indicative of where she’s been, the hell she’s been through both internally- and externally-imposed, and how it makes this moment she now gets to have with the person she loves that much sweeter?? i don’t know i feel like my heart is going to explode every time i hear it and i’m not even remotely close to being in love so i can’t imagine how much deeper it’ll hit if/when i ever do fall in love again and

god i just

i really like lover as an album a WHOLE lot 

[brujaja420]

[ Jst venting srry there’s no read more on mobile ]

I don’t rlly know what I feel rn except an overall feeling of unwell, I might just be getting sick or allergies or bc I’ve been drinking more regularly but I can’t shake this feeling of sad blankness ? Idk just more of the same thing. I’ve been trying to stay present and grounded but my go to move is to just blank out, like even in the middle of conversations so having normal fulfilling conversations is really hard. I can feel how heavy and boring I make it, and I can feel the other person trying to keep it going but I just feel like an interviewer almost? Just asking who what where when why questions in response to anything tells me. And I think that’s what’s contributing to my overall feeling sad and lonely even though I’m not alone. Like I just don’t even joy being in the conversation without being consumed by the worry of what to say next, and I know the most important thing to do is just to listen but I feel that if I do just that, then I won’t have anything to respond and people will just feel like they’re talking to a brick wall. And I can’t start one organically by myself or led by me. It’s been a really up and down feeling lately but I don’t really know who to talk to about this when it’s bad without making the other person feel guilted into trying to continue conversations with me that offer them no enjoyment. It could be possible that it’s just a cognitive distortion but I don’t think so bc there are a few times when I can talk to people and I can tell it’s natural and fulfilling on both ends. Idk. I wish I could just go off the grid for a little bit until this feeling goes away bc I know nothing lasts forever but also being alone makes it worse. I feel like a broken record and maybe it’s just anxiety but it keeps swirling around in my Head all day every day and being around people is harder than being alone. I start conversations waiting to end them on a good note, like waiting to get this “yes I made it, they think I’m okay” feeling after it which i know people probably pick up on and just think I’m trying to be a people pleasy annoying bitch. I just don’t feel in my body, like I’m not me I’m just an audience and I’m looking for the appropriate response to something always. And I’m so worried about the appropriate response that I take everything super literal and I have no common sense so other people think I’m dumb and I also myself feel dumb and feel the need to constantly correct myself even more. I feel like I have no sense of self and me trying to be myself is dumb bc why do I have to try to be myself, shouldn’t I just be myself ? Idk what this is a symptom of or if it’s just me but analyzing everything is exhausting me but I don’t know any other way without just being a zombie basically. I’m technically in a relationship now but honestly it happened really fast and he doesn’t know everything bc I haven’t told him and don’t want him to think I’m crazy or something which was probably a mistake bc he’s probably gonna find out sooner or later and I’m sure he only really likes me bc he finds me attractive bc even in conversation I can’t remember most details he mentions to me so I’m trying to enjoy it while I can bc I’m pretty sure it’s just a matter of time. And my dreams have been super weird lately. I keep having this half sleep where I know I’m sleeping but I also know I’m awake. Some night I have hypnagogic hallucinations and once I literally felt like I was going to almost fling myself off of my bed in my sleep, I woke up with my arm jerking and my heart pounding which is like kinda scary? And my dreams are just about negative thoughts that pass through my head subconsciously that I don’t hold on to and cognitively analayse so I can’t even really rest. Or idk if I am dreaming properly and I just can’t discern it from reality bc I’m telling myself I’m having half sleeps. But idk I guess I’m just gonna stop drinking for a while and take some supplements and see if that helps any. Tagging this just in case anyone feels the same way or knows wtf this is bc my brain doesn’t seem to function correctly lol.