#bc i was thinking in a v fresh way maybe i can only be lonely or bitter

[iammissingautumn]

tbh the thing for me now, as i love new people in new ways air gets solidified. I may feel new things but i will not feel like how i once had again. i will not feel genuine piece like i did when i handed them my writing. i will not be able to send songs to people like that again. and maybe i can and the barrier is mental or just needs the right time for the other person. but i have no clue what that feeling is. i have no clue what made that feel so Right.

[affectionatealien]

Your Heart is a Garden

Summary: Habit’s had something on his mind, and tries to do a little gardening to distract himself. It’s a bit obvious though he can’t quite focus on anything else like he wants to.

Warnings: None

A/N: Another fic of my flower protag/ insert and habit! This time it’s long sappy confession junk bc I’ve been dying to write this out ;v; 

Mountain air seemed to be so refreshing in the morning like this. It seeped in through the windows Boris opened while he busied himself in the kitchen, and crept into the living room while I usually tried to prepare to be awake for the day.

 However, it took me awhile of laying on the futon to realize there was no mountain air, or kitchen bustle to wake up to. I hadn't woken up that late had I? No, a glance at the clock assured me it was still early. Still trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes I got up, peeked into Boris's room since he'd left the door open. Not there either. Odd, especially for him. 

I had to catch myself as worry threatened to bubble up- Boris was probably just down in the garden, or, somewhere else in what was left of the habitat. Of course. Besides, it was silly to worry about him not being here just one morning... Perhaps a little time to myself could be a good thing, after all! 

Making breakfast was easy enough with something simple like toast and cereal, and now my mind could wander to what I'd spend the rest of the day doing. Maybe I could watch that one movie I'd been waiting to check out... Ah, no, I wanted to save it for me and Boris to watch. Games? No, I'd already beaten most of what I had and just liked doing two player stuff with Boris when he was in the mood for it. Art? Now that could work... Ever since I'd come to stay here, my inspiration had spiked like I hadn't seen in years. It was refreshing to make something I didn't hate as soon as I was done with it...

Flopping back onto the couch, I fished out the sketchbook that was always hidden away under it or in a crevice somewhere, depending on how tired I was when I stashed it. Opening it, I was met with what I was last working on... A page full of sketches of different blossoms, ones found in the garden me and Boris had been tending to so carefully. Among them, was a single sketch of the tall russian man himself- carefully cutting a rose blossom from a bush. I'd almost forgotten about it, about watching him look so tender and focused and the urge to capture it that was impossible to ignore. And something about it feels so embarrassing and... Alien about it, I close the sketchbook again, any previous ideas gone. Damn.

Perhaps it wasn't a bad idea to go down to the garden anyways. I just needed some fresh air and sunshine maybe, certainly that would clear my head, help me pass the time. And if Boris was down there I could check on him. Maybe even work in the garden with him a little. It'd be much better than being so listless up here. I just had to actually finish getting ready for the day first...

Coming down from the apartment through the boiler room, I found myself in the courtyard, now repurposed into a garden and fully in bloom. It was something Boris had truly put his heart and soul into since he closed the Habitat for good, and it had really shown in even just the past couple of months I'd been here.

 Blossoms of all shapes and colors and sizes made a meandering maze, one I'd learned to navigate by memory at this point. The only hard part would be finding Boris- he was prone to attending to the plants in a somewhat flighty manner, never too still before finding another plant that needed his love and affection (and maybe some fertilizer). 

With that in mind, it was pretty surprising when I found him sitting in one of the nooks formed by a gathering of hydrangea bushes, a single potted flower in his lap. He didn't seem to being so much gardening as he was letting himself get lost in thought. 

"Boris?" I called out, moving carefully past some recently planted bushes. His head snapped up upon hearing his name, and that surpised look lingers a little too long, like he's in a daze. But it quickly disappeared, giving way to a soft smile upon recognizing it was just me. But, there was more to it... The way his smile is just a little too tired for this time of the morning. Almost forlorn...

"Ah! Finn... I didnn't expect you to come down. Did you need som-thing...?" He asked. I shook my head, instead opting to take a seat in the cool grass next to him.

"Just wanted to check on ya. Not used to seeing you down here this early I guess..." I explained. And in the moment I want to tell him how lonely mornings without him feel, but it'd be too much. So instead I lingered, waited for him to say something so I could forget about it.

"I see... Sorry, I didn't mean to worrie you. I just needed some time to think I suppose... The garden seams to be a good place for that." His gaze had returned to the flowering plant in front of him, like looking into it would help him eventually have some grand epiphany about whatever seemed to bother him.

  "Yeah, I get what you mean... And, y'know you can talk to me too. It's what friends are for right?" He didn't answer right away- leaving an uncomfortable pause hanging in the air.

"Yeah... Of course." Even as plainly as he tried to say it, there's still a tinge of pain to it. It wasn't a tone I'd heard from him in awhile, which was particularly worrying. He'd never had issues talking to me about what was on his mind in the past, why start now? Was it me, something I'd done? 

We continued to sit in silence, nerves wracked as I desperately wanted anything else to replace the silence that soured the fresh morning air. Anything that could change the mood, or subject... 

My eye was drawn to what looked like a flower bush Boris had been planning to plant. A hole already dug for it, it just needed to be reburied and whatever other tending it needed. "U-uh... I noticed that bush it looks like you were gonna replant. Did you want any help with that? Or, really, anything else out here? ... Since I'm out here and all!" I asked. Still staring into the flower, he shook his head. 

"I appreciate it, but I think it will be fine for now." He sighed, placing the flower in his lap to the side. "...I'm really not doing anything out heer. I should probably go back inside." Boris stood, dusting his coat off- only to freeze again as my hand darted to the hem of it, like my body was on autopilot. He stared down at me, expression somewhere between startled and anticipation. I had to say something now, I couldn't just let him go without saying anything-

"Boris. Please tell me what's wrong. If it's something I did we can talk about it... You're my friend, I need to know if I messed up, or if I can fix it-" His face furrowed into a pained expression as he continued to stand, frozen, looking like he can't even sort out his own words. This continued until he sighed, resigned, and knelt back into the grass beside me.

"You didn't do anything. I promis. It's just how... Exactly that. You're my closest friend, and it means a lot to b here with you, through everything... But... Is it, ah... Is it wrong to want... More?" He asked. His question brought back plenty of thoughts- almost all of them about how he's always so close, how he lets me sit in his lap when we play games together, or how his comforting hugs never seem to last long enough no matter how long we sit there. The way I'll hope and wish a late night movie marathon will put him to sleep so we have an excuse to wake up the next morning together. But that was just Boris being... Boris isn't it? Of course he'd be close with his first real friend like this. I'm reading into it too much. Even with him, in front of me, staring at me with nothing but longing in his eyes. It was too scary, too exhilarating to think it could be anything else, it had to be. 

"I-I'm sorree. This is selfish. I shouldn't- you shouldn't have to answer that. We can just-" He shifted again to get up, only to freeze when I spoke up.

"Boris... I-It's not. It's okay. Especially when people... Mean so much. But it can be.... scary you know?" He nodded, understandingly. His gaze had lifted from the spot on the ground in front of him, attention on me. 

"Do you think it's worth it? Even if it's scarey?" He asked. Now it was my turn for my stare to wander to the grass beneath me, unsure what the correct answer was. 

"I don't... know, really. Guess you just have to find out sometimes." I said. It wasn't much of an answer, but it was all I had. "Boris... Could I... Kiss you? I want to know." At first he didn't, perhaps couldn't say anything- and slowly, he gave a very deliberate nod. He fumbled across the grass, side to side with me, and even sitting down towered over me. It certainly wasn't intimidating though, not with how he squeezed his eyes shut, leaned forward, tense. Not quite sure what to do with his body. Waiting. I leaned up to him, careful as lips met- god his face was so warm. And for a moment, I'm the only one leaned into the kiss, as he remained still, like he wasn't sure how he felt. Enough to have made me waver too, close to pulling away and apologizing. What a stupid idea. But at the last moment it was like he'd come to life, pressing feverishly into the kiss. And for a moment I know what it feels like to be a flower in bloom, face to face with the sunlight it needs so much.

It was dizzying how fast he went from frozen in place to practically fumbling into my lap, hands grasped over my shoulders, nudging his way further into the kiss. It was nervous, inexperienced, and downright heavenly the way his mouth clumsily pressed into mine. My hands buried into the soft fuzzy collar of his coat as I matched his fevered passion, and it only drove me further on as he whined into the kiss at even the hint of my touch. Time was slow, or maybe just didn't mean anything for the longest time as he melts into the kiss, unsure frozen hands slowly moving to pull me flush against him, a warm embrace so much like all the ones he'd given me before but.... more this time, one that didn't leave me feeling like I was still missing something. 

Boris was the first to break the kiss- his hands didn't move, and he's still staring at me, like the rest of him is still catching up with what was happening. He wasn't quite panting- but he drew these deep, long breaths, clutched to me like I'd fall into nothing if he dared let go. 

"Still... Scar-ed?" He asked. I shook my head and chuckled, which made a warm smile ease onto his face. 

"No.... This is good. It's, uh. Wow. Kinda exhilarating, I think." His smile turned wide at that, showing off that characteristic, cute crooked row of pearly whites of his- and now it was my turn to be the flustery one out of the two of us. 

"Are u shure? Maybie... We should do it again so we're doublie sure..." Boris hinted. It only took a short nod for him to lean back in, hands cupped on either side of my face. He pulled me up, ever so gently into another kiss, but not as pushy or urgent- this time it was deep, slow. He was still a bit hesitant about what to do with his mouth, but god it didn't matter, not with how soft and deliberate he was while I clung to him. Surrounded by the garden we'd poured our hearts into, and now pouring into each other, it almost felt unreal, the only thing that kept me grounded was Boris's thumb stroking gentle circles against my cheek, and every other little sensation of him against me. 

Boris pulled away again, giving a satisfied hum as he did- he looked like he was in as dreamy of a daze as I had been in. His clawed hand pushed a strand of hair from my face ever so carefully, eyes fixated on me. 

"Boris..." I started. A pause. I knew what I wanted to say but it felt stuck in my throat, awkward to say. So instead I opted to bury my face in his coat collar, soaking in his scent, thinking those words again, and again, and again. "... I love you." His arms squeezed around me, tight, warm, unyielding. I felt him rest his head on top of mine, face nuzzled into my hair. 

"Ah, flower..... I lov you, too. I love you a lott..." And I can hear it in his voice- after all the hard work he's poured into making the garden around him flourish and bloom, his heart has done the same, alongside mine. 

His embrace loosened, prompting me to look up at him. That goofy smile of his was still there- for someone who fretted about his teeth so much previously, it was amazing how gorgeous it was. So handsome. So very, well, him. 

And I couldn't help the laughter that bubbles up next, but it didn't matter, not with how it spread so quickly to Boris too, just as relieved and giddy as I was, and perhaps still wandering if this was a dream like I had been. 

"Ah, if onlee you had said somthing sooner... There were som lovelie lillies in bloom I daydreamed about giv-ing you, you knowe." He confessed. I smiled, and patted his arm reassuringly. 

"Oh, Boris- don't worry, they'll have time to bloom again. And I'll be here, still." I promised. And the smile he gave me was perhaps the sweetest I'd ever seen on him.

[kae-karo]

marianas trench: phantoms

the absurd album overanalysis, commentary, and ranking nobody asked for

first, my personal ranking (don’t get me wrong tho i love the entire damn album):

1. wish you were here 1. don’t miss me 1. the death of me 2. your ghost 2. the killing kind 3. only the lonely survive 3. echoes of you 4. glimmer 4. i knew you when 4. eleonora

the album as a whole: oh such an awesome story and so awesomely inspired by the horror genres?? i think some of the non-singles hit the horror mark better but like oh my god it’s such a cool vibe the whole entire thing???? i know the concept was like,,,,,,descent into madness but you can totally feel this struggle with it and with the idea of a doomed/dead relationship, it’s just so so well done??? my one complaint is that i’m not musically inclined enough to recognize where all the references are bc unlike in no place like home and dearly departed, there aren’t really as many lyric references to other albums/songs, it’s more the music. and i know it well enough to go ‘oh that’s familiar, for sure’ but i can’t for the life of me figure out where from (in most cases)

eleonora: i mean the title is based on the short story by edgar allan poe (x) true to theme from the beginning, which (long story short) is about a woman the narrator falls in love with (well, his cousin) but she’s ill and will die, blah blah blah she does and the narrator vows never to marry anyone else but later he does and his first love comes back from beyond the grave to give her blessing for the new marriage - already basically i’m getting vibes of like,,,,,,a genuine desire to move on? which is great imo and like a step forward from previous albums? plus the whole acapella delivery is super reminiscent of so it goes (x) and the layered voices reminiscent of the intro to end of an era (x). plus we have the direct ref to the raven (x) by poe with ‘midnight dreary’. also the idea of ‘don’t hush’ which is later touched on as ‘just hush’ in the killing kind? oof interesting v v interesting

only the lonely survive: a bop a massive bop but! also! just a very intriguing take (at least to me) on a doomed-to-fail relationship, the idea that you can actively acknowledge a relationship is hurting both parties but...choose to stay. i also like the idea (which i might just be extrapolating) that to truly live, to have a really poignant relationship, you have to sort of give yourself over to it? ‘only the lonely survive’ - only those who isolate themselves truly ‘get out alive’ if you will but like, that’s the beauty of putting yourself out there? is like, you truly feel everything, i guess. ‘it hurts like hell to love this well’ sort of touches on that same idea for me. anyway the whole thing goes hard as hell and i love it. ‘he’ll never know you / not the way that i knew you’ we love intra-album references !!!

echoes of you: okay didn’t love this at first bc it felt repetitive (and it was coming on the heels of only the lonely survive which i adored) but it also felt really unique and a little different? when the released it as a single, it’s the first time i thought of this album as truly horror-inspired and totally picked up on the tell-tale heart vibe (x) which was just so interesting, i love how stories like that have turned into these really fresh songs that still call back to these kinds of madness-inspiring stories - that a love can inspire that kind of madness, even when it’s gone. i also wonder if the idea of ‘can’t stop myself from falling now’ has less to do with falling in love (which is, for me, the immediate connotation) and more to do with ‘falling into madness’. the verses and the tempo are so well-paced as well, like this frantic feeling? then the chorus comes in with this suspenseful set of chords? and the theremin in the background!!!! the best way to give a truly Spooky™ vibe. the idea of tell-tale heart, the story, too, is that the narrator is trying to sound completely sane, and explain the murder they’ve committed and why it was justified - that goes along with the theme of this album, too, where there’s this undercurrent of trying to insist that the doomed relationship is somehow justifiable

don’t miss me?: oh i adore this and the idea of ‘oh hah yeah no i don’t miss you like at all,,,,,,,,,,,,,do you ‘not miss me’ too?’ and like this,,,,,,not obsession but the idea of trying to actively move past missing someone? but just constantly getting caught up on it? unrelated to the meaning but oh my god the little background vocals, adore it. ‘some people try to raise the dead / some people try to live instead’ is like. that’s one of those things that i lowkey would love to get tattooed on my body or something. just really good words, because that’s what it’s like moving on from a rough relationship - and it’s hard to like, see that when you’re in the thick of it? bc like imagine losing a loved one and trying to bring them back to life - we’ve all heard the story, it’s never what’s expected, it’s never quite right and the same goes for relationships. and so, the idea of living instead, of moving on. also the vocal run up to the high note toward the end (x - look idk Music Words) reminds me of something but i can’t quite place it. also ‘i don’t remember why we stayed’ and then in wish you were here, we get ‘i don’t recall now why we’re buried’ which is a fun contradiction

wish you were here: that middle-of-the-night madness that goes alongside one love (x) like,,,,,if you took it one step on the other side of madness and entertained the idea of reviving a relationship that should be dead. except it’s such a bop unlike one love, like it sounds a lot like it could be on astoria, and it’s got that back beat matching this means war (x) in fact, it feels like the exact polar opposite of this means war (like...instead of ‘lmao i’m totally awesome without you’ it’s like ‘i’m,,,,,maybe not doing so great without you, shit i really wish you were here, wish we were together’)? but with the same sort of vibe in terms of the music itself? and the outro (x) reminds me hardcore of something else i can’t quite place

your ghost: this one also reminds me a lot of the general vibe of astoria with hints of like. modern touches? this one reminds me a lot of wildfire actually? (x) but a bit more upbeat? like that guitar style i think is what does it. it feels a lot like there’s this...almost unwilling pull toward the idea of ‘madness’ that they’re focused on, like....a sort of awareness of the descent? also the softer bit toward the end where it’s just josh and the guitar (x) reminds me a lot of something that i once again cannot place for the life of me

glimmer: oh no,,,,,,,,,okay first this (it’s just audio but tumblr won’t let me add audio on its own in a post like this):

so my first and most important comment is that all i can think about when i hear this song is ‘halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce halo by beyonce’ and it tends to run over everything else lmao. but! i think conceptually it’s more of that descent into madness, into seeing some sort of trace of a relationship, like some sort of residual glimmer that sticks to things, to people. ‘it’s funny what you find when you go without’, like the idea of....probably hallucinating in a sense, but starting to see the relationship/the other person everywhere, on everything, when you’re missing them? even to the point that, when the person comes back, maybe the memories of that relationship stick around too - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough / and doubt is insidious / creeps up on you softly / i can’t get it off me, i can’t get it off me now’ like this idea that even though it’s something wanted, to come back together (no matter how bad it might end up), memories and the past can’t really be forgotten - ‘you’ve changed but it’s not enough’ - very reminiscent of wildfire (x - ‘so now you show up when you’re alone again / but we haven’t changed, but now you’re interested) ngl too the overall feeling of the song reminds me of one love? (x)

i knew you when: so this song sorta came out of nowhere to me, like it felt weird and off-kilter like...i knew you when? when what? but like. now it makes a lot more sense, in this sort of...well, twisted way. it feels like things have been twisted around. it comes off the back of glimmer, too, and i think that’s like - oh, these memories are here, lingering, and this is almost a deep-dive into them? it tells a bit of a story and i think it’s less abstract, but it definitely harps hard on the idea that ‘i’ve been loving, loving you too long to just sudden-suddenly move on from this’ that sort of encompasses the entire album really cleanly. it’s interesting, actually, it almost feels like a very sincere moment of clarity and specificity amidst a mess of this drifting toward ‘madness’, but still hinting at that little bit of ‘okay but if you want to....i’ll know you then’, this like concession to that madness, an indulgence in it? 

the death of me: oh catch me melting over the transition between songs, utterly seamless. love it. this one is another one that like....feels like a breath of clarity in awareness? like this acknowledgment that there’s something off, this lingering desire for someone from the past, that there’s an emptiness, that this new thing isn’t right, even if it’s something wanted. because other wanted things (or people) make it impossible. i think it’s also the first time in a while where another party (ie not them nor the person they’ve got this tangled relationship with throughout the album so far) is mentioned which is v interesting. i think this track does an excellent job of bringing a ghostly vibe to it, the echoing vocals and background sounds, they almost elicit this feeling of like. the person is drifting away from the person they’re trying to make a new start with, like literally drifting? almost being pulled in by the ‘madness’? and it’s a heartbreaking song, too, bc there’s this emanating desperation to like...move on? and make things work? but this acknowledgement that...maybe that’s not happening? maybe it’s not possible? maybe there’s too much baggage, in a sense? there’s also that very long outro that starts off a little intriguing, adventurous almost, and then descends into this frightening crescendo (x - that also has a hint of something else in it) before these voices come in, crescendoeing again into this sudden stop and then you’ve got josh saying ‘save me from myself’ which i feel like is a reference?????? also cannot believe they made me download that and reverse it so i could figure that out lmao

the killing kind: it wouldn’t be a mt album without a song that’s all over the place and somehow still cohesive and intriguing, huh? oh big mood for the intro, with the very great imagery of wandering a haunted house at night, staring into the shadows, and then ‘the killing kind’ - i think the whole thing is a super interesting concept, again, this acceptance of some of the fault in a failed relationship? ‘but you’ve been haunted too’ and yet not all of it, i think a lot of media represents things as black and white, with all the blame on one person, when that’s rarely the case? anyway, it’s interesting it’s addressed. ‘nevermore’ of course being another edgar allan poe reference (disclaimer there may be other references i’m missing since i’m not massively well-read in the horror genre) i’m also intrigued by ‘can’t get out / from under it / nevermore to leave here’, is that a lover dearest (x) reference? bc that’s what came to mind, honestly. again, excellent with the background vocals giving that eerie vibe. and then the stephen king ‘it’ reference with ‘we all float down here’. ngl that one feels a little forced but again, i’m like. not well-read in the horror genre so there may be more layers to that one than i know. ‘it gazes back / sings to me / i know my love can be the killing kind’ - i think this is interesting that it sings back, that feels very much like a callback that maybe their own previous songs are hinting at the love being ‘the killing kind’. also ‘you should never be here’ makes me think of something (x) the hard guitar/violins in the background during ‘here and now / this is it’ etc remind me of something else. and then ofc we have the astoria run/vocals (x) and then the ref to echoes of you (although it sounds like the slightest pitch lower than in echoes of you?) and then the whole bit with ‘don’t love the bottle’ i swear on my life it sounds like it comes from somewhere? same with the background melody? but i have no idea where, it just sounds like a reference. and then we have the background little melody (x) after he says ‘a hidden melody’ so it’s like reinforced that it’s a reference but idk where from rip lmao. edit: ty to the lovely anon who mentioned it’s from masterpiece theater!!!!! and once again a++++ use of a theremin in the background for max spooky vibes. also ‘evermore’ is totally a reference to ever after (x) along with the little lift after that (i assume) and then the whole acapella bit calls back to eleonora and the ‘now’ bit to something (x) plus the ‘hear me now’ from something wow i’m great at this game lmao as well as the ‘don’t you hear me’ part. ‘we could be together here / forever we’re together bound in madness’ i think again a lover dearest and then ofc we have the vocal runs from something (x) and then the strong background violin from another thing (yeah yeah i know they’re all references i just don’t know what from) and then he says ‘just hush eleonora’ which, as previously mentioned, is a very intriguing development from ‘don’t hush’ like this,,,,,,acceptance of the madness? and then ofc he says ‘eleonoria’ in ref to astoria. edit: also the whole ending is so so similar to the ending of ever after

[freewlll-remade-blog]

tagged by @dunmerhealer​ i lov u but this is so long

Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people.

1. What is your nickname?

Chupa, Chupacabra, fancy Lancey!

2. What is your zodiac sign?

taurus!!

3. What is your favorite book series?

the harry potter books. i’m questioning ron as well

4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes!! absolutely!! i 100% believe in both. 

5. Who is your favorite author?

i used to really be into jerry spinelli, especially the book smiles to go. 

6. What is your current favorite song?

lowlife by poppy omg

7. What is your favorite word?

lonely, bismuth, charismatic are my favorite words. 

8. What was the last song you listened to?

bliss by muse!

9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

pretty little liars and izombie!! both are incredible. 

10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

ummmm deadpool omg

11. Do you play video games?

yeah!! skyrim is a big special interest for me!!

12. What is your biggest fear?

suffocation and people i care about being disappointed in me. 

13. What is your best quality, in your opinion?

i’m always willing to try my best and i’m passionate!

14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion?

ummm i’m too hard on myself all the time and i give up easily. 

15. What is your favorite season?

winter!

16. Are you in a relationship?

nope!! but i am crushing on someone.

17. What is something you miss from your childhood?

my parents not hating me lmao

18. Who is your best friend?

um probably sage, miles, scout, or my friend tj! i hope the people i mention consider me their close friends too ;;; 

19. What is your eye color?

brown and gold !!

20. What is your hair color?

caramel brown

21. Who is someone you love?

my best friends! see #18. 

22. Who is someone you trust?

my bestest friend in the whole world tj

23. Who is someone you think about often?

see question 18 and also keith kogane

24. Are you currently excited about/for something?

voltron season 4 and grand rapids comic con!

25. What is your biggest obsession?

skyrim !!! oh my gosh i love skyrim so much

26. What was your favorite TV show as a child?

i don’t know... i didn’t watch a ton of tv as a kid.

27. Do you have any unusual phobias?

i am terrified to death of ants!

28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

either! usually behind but w/e

29. What is your favorite hobby?

uhhh i collect books in skyrim and i enjoy thinking about death

30. What was the last book you read?

the harry potter books!!!

31. What was the last movie you watched?

uhh either deadpool or sleeping beauty

32. What musical instruments do you play, if any?

uhhh i sing but i can play bass clarinet fairly well

33. What is your favorite animal?

an octopus hands down. or a bulldog idk

34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhhh @dunmerhealer​ @gta-v​ @cryptidquill​ @depressionmeal​ and @sayakuro​ are all lovely

35. What superpower do you wish you had?

shape shifting or getting a good nights sleep

36. When and where do you feel most at peace?

while playing skyrim, singing

37. What makes you smile?

my friends and my dog!

38. What sports do you play, if any?

i do competitive swimming and avoiding my emotionally abusive parents 

39. What is your favorite drink?

cherry cola or root beer from mug n bun

40. Are you afraid of heights?

eh not really

41. What is your biggest pet peeve?

people talking/making a bunch of noise during my tv shows

42. Have you ever been to a concert?

yeah! 

43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

a potion maker!!!

44. What fictional world would you like to live in?

tamriel or w/e universe the sims takes place in 

45. What is something you worry about?

besides literally everything? whether people hate me or not

46. Are you scared of the dark?

depends, it scares me at times

47. Do you like to sing?

yes yes yes i love to sing

48. Have you ever skipped school?

yeah, a couple times;;; 

49. What is your favorite place on the planet?

my bed. 

50. Where would you like to live?

ideally? the arctic circle bc it’s cold and dry without mosquitoes but probably somewhere like canada or something where im not gonna be a victim of a hate crime

51. Do you have any pets?

uhhhh yeah! i have a dog and a cat and one fish!

52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl, definitely. 

53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

uhhh sunrise when i’m awake for them

54. Do you know how to drive?

yeah but i don’t like it...

55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

earbuds are easier for me but either way idc

56. Have you ever had braces?

nope! my teeth are the only straight thing about me

57. What is your favorite genre of music?

i like everything except reggae and country, but i usually listen to rap, pop, and alt rock/pop

58. Who is your hero?

ummmm maybe marsha p. johnson...

59. Do you read comic books?

sometimes, i prefer graphic novels. 

60. What makes you the most angry?

a lot of things but mostly people who are mean to ppl in the service industry (servers, customer service ppl, etc)

61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

it totally depends on what i’m reading.

62. What is your favorite subject in school?

history probably. i love ancient history. 

63. Do you have any siblings?

just one. but.... i don’t like him much. 

64. What was the last thing you bought?

scab blood and liquid latex. 

65. How tall are you?

5′6 i think?

66. Can you cook?

yeah! i love to cook!!! :3

67. What are three things that you love?

tes (especially skyrim), my friends, and my dog

68. What are three things that you hate?

people talking during my shows, clusters of bugs, and the bubbling thing pancakes do

69. What is your sexual orientation?

im a gay ol boy

70. Where do you currently live?

michigan!!

71. Who was the last person you texted?

ummm tj

72. When was the last time you cried?

like yesterday oh my god

73. Who is your favorite YouTuber?

i like dan and phil, and i like buzzfeed for buzzfeed unsolved.

74. Do you like to take selfies?

... yeah

75. What is your favorite app?

when i had a smartphone, i loved snapchat

76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

..... no comment. 

77. What is your favorite foreign accent?

i don’t have one....

78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

petra in jordan!!

79. What is your favorite number?

420 ayyyyyyy

80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

deep ocean but i’m scared of both bc i’m scared of wide open spaces

81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

at best an adrenaline junkie? 

82. Are you allergic to anything?

nope!

83. Can you wiggle your ears?

yeah! i taught myself how. 

84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

not often. blame it on the fact that im a taurus

85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?

the forest. i’m not a fan of the beach...

86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

that i need to figure out other people’s love language to have better relationships with people

87. Are you a good liar?

yeah... 

88. What is your Hogwarts House?

im hufflepuff as huffle-fuck

89. Do you talk to yourself?

yeah, or i talk to teeny. teeny is a voice in my head ig?

90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

im actually really extroverted!

91. Do you keep a journal/diary?

no. i’m not very good at keeping up with one

92. Do you believe in second chances?

no, but i give them to people anyways

93. Do you believe that people are capable of change?

not really.

94. Are you ticklish?

not if anyone asks!

95. Have you ever been on a plane?

yeah! i love flying on planes actually!

96. Do you have any piercings?

yeah i used to but all ear piercings get infected.

97. What fictional character do you wish was real?

shiro. i think.... i think he would be proud of all i’ve done...

98. Do you have any tattoos?

yeah! i have a moon on my inner arm near my elbow, harry potter tattoos on my inner ankles, and a bee on my outer left ankle. all small, all stick and poke

99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

coming out as trans ig?

100. Do you believe in karma?

yeah, kinda. i more believe “talk shit, get hit”

101. Do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses!

102. Do you want children?

not really...

103. Who is the smartest person you know?

i don’t know. 

104. What is your most embarrassing memory? (EMETO WARNING FOR THIS ONE)

chugging a 20oz mountain dew in choir and then puking it up less than 10 minutes later

105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

yep.

106. What color are most of your clothes?

i have a variety of colors but a lot of black and blue

107. Do you like adventures?

sometimes!

108. Have you ever been on TV?

no, i don’t think so!

109. How old are you?

17!

110. What is your favorite quote?

We never taste perfect joy; our happiest successes are mixed with sadness. - Pierre Corneille

111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods?

i like both, but i love sweet

112. Have your friends ever badly disappointed you?

yeah. 

113. What is your favorite scent?

rain, lemonade, fresh washed strawberries, green apple shampoo

114. Random fact you know?

uhhhhhhhhh im gay? 

115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships?

i am in a lot of them bc im ugly irl

alright!!! i’m not tagging anyone bc i don’t want anyone else to be like me and spend over 45 minutes doing this

[melodicminho]

boyfriend!jackson au

Request: hi! can you please do a boyfriend!jackson au? thank you so much! (:

Thank you for requesting an au, I had fun writing this one bc Jackson is so !!cute!! and I love writing like this omg it’s so fun and I don’t have to be as serious with it.

I have maybe two more requests after this one, but I don’t know when I’ll get around to writing them because I still have a project or two, a book report, and a singing thing for extra credit in english AH

again thank u to whoever sent me this au suggestion its cU te bc jackSIN

he first saw you at hollys coffee

you were sitting alone at one of the window tables and he thought you looked lonely and sad

so he came to you like

HEY swETIE u look kinda lonely (he does an internal haha) mind if i sit with u???

you were like?? okay sure buddy whatever

immediately, and i mean immediately did you two become friends

BEST FRIENDS AT THAT (jackson is just such a sweet man how can you not love him)

you two were so noisy in the coffee shop when you first met that you two got kicked out

its not your fault jackson made you laugh so hard?? so hard that u nearly hit your face on the tabL E

okay fast forward one year

jackson is completely wrapped around your finger (he has been ever since he first met you but he doesnt need u to know that)

he won’t ever leave your side because he feels lonely when he’s not stuck to your side

he teases you about your height OFTEN how rude

he ruffles your hair and makes smooching sounds so that you don’t get huffy with him though

and when you do get huffy and upset with him, he holds you as tight as he can and tells you that your height is perfectly fine, you are perfect the way you are and he tells you with so so much sincerity

this is still when you’re friends mind you

you both hang out a lot outside because you like the fresh air and jackson likes to give you warm clothes even if you’re already wearing three layers

you accept his jacket anyways because they always felt more comfier than your own

and when you two did chill inside

you usually had your legs thrown across his lap

scrolling through your social media feed as jackson watched something on the tv

sometimes he would drum his fingers against your knee

or randomly hug you and snuggle you because he loves u and ur his lil bun you deserve all the cuddles in the world

he realizes he has feelings for you when you two are hanging out at your home

you had no make up on and you were wearing shorts and a slightly bigger than your size tshirt

you were snug against his side as you two watched a romcom, his arm casually slung behind you on the couch

there was one part in the movie that seemed to be really funny to you and he witnessed the way you laughed so hard that it was completely silent

your eyes were crinkled up and your hand was barely covering your mouth (which was wide open)

when the scene got even funnier that same hand that was covering your mouth slapped his chest and he looked at you with wide eyes and thought ?? what the fuck they’re so cute i love them

fast forward to like .. three days later

jackson confesses to you, holds your hands tightly even though hes sweating like CRaz y and keeps his gaze on yours as his mouth forms each and every word with such eloquence that your breath catches in your throat

of course you accept his confession because wtf you like him too

so now you two are dating

and jackson has gone from aw ill squeeze u and pinch your cheek affectionate to iM GOING TO SMOTHER YOU WITH MY HUGS affectionate

he is almost always seen stuck to your side by your friends and his friends

if jackson was a glue he’d either be gorilla glue or loctite super glue.

he just won’t leave u alone when you two are together

it can be a bit too much sometimes if youre feeling cranky, but really, jackson is super sweet and his hugs are the best

he gives u so many kisses !! 2 many to count but u love it so who cares!!

when he kisses you he frames your face in his hands or he tilts your chin in his direction so he can lightly kiss your lips

jackson absolutely loves giving you kisses on the top of your head and he loves holding your hand or your wrist

theres always some part of him touching you

once you two got together you both stayed in more, but still went outside, just not as much as you two used to

the only reason why you didn’t go out that much anymore is because you two would be too busy staring or giggling at the other

and a lot of people sometimes gave you annoyed looks because you too were really affectionate in public

like one day it was very cold, it was even cold inside the coffee shop you two met in and you both were waiting in a very long line

you didn’t wear enough thick layers and jackson scolded you bc “you naughty girl, you’re going to catch a cold if you don’t start wearing warmer clothes ): “

and with his hands shoved in his pockets, he opens his trench coat to invite you into his very very warm embrace

u know

COUGHS this one (creds 2 the owner thank u for this picture)

he hooks his chin on the top of your head with a grin and you can’t help but blush once he wraps his arms around your waist with his coat closing in around the both of you

v cute

he lOVES IT when u rest your head in his lap becaus e youre so pretty and he loves you and he wants to run his fingers through your hair all the time just to see you flutter your eyes closed and fall asleep with his fingers tangled in the strands

jackson is so fond of you and he thinks you are a wonderful person, inside and out, he never lets you forget that because he wants to be sure that you absolutely know and understand that you are his sweetheart and he thinks you’re suPER #1 on the planet

he tugs at your hand a lot when he wants you to see something he found cool

you also pull at the hem of his shirt when you want his attention and he FINDS IT SO ADORABLE YOU’RE SO CUTE

he lives for your compliments

ur laugh gives him life

your kisses healed a boo boo he got on his finger once (he swears it was because of the kisses not the ointment)

he gets shy when u touch his chest or bury your face in the crook of his neck aw bean

he screams each time he sees you

“JAGIYA”

all in all jackson is a super sweet man who will treat u right and give u the love you deserve