#bc i have absolutely zero memory of inviting him

[1-800-dnkichu]

this made me think of the few people who bullied me growing up and found a way to apologize later. one of them messaged me out of the blue one day in like 7th(?) grade and told me he was sorry and we talked until he had to go eat dinner and by then i realized i had fully forgiven him. the next one apologized after not seeing each other for a few years. he was mostly one of the ones that stood behind the others like "yeah what they said!" he even told me why i got bullied -- the classic "you were tall and weird and loud and we all thought you were annoying. it was dumb. childish. you know how it is." (i did not know how it is but i forgave him for the effort lol). and another one apologized even though i never considered him among the people that bullied me. we teased each other and chased each other on the playground in elementary school but that was about it. when he apologized i told him as much but forgave him for anything he might remember that i didnt.

then there was the one who "apologized" by turning it into a confession. when i indulged him to get him to shut the hell up, he pulled out the ol "LMAO I CANT BELIEVE YOU FELL FOR IT NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE YOU" so i blocked him on all the social media platforms i could find him on.

although, i think if he reached out tomorrow and apologized genuinely, i might be able to forgive him. at the same time. he was the one who almost fucked up my entire life. more than once. so it would have to be a damn good apology.

Life really does align in weird ways.

My bully from 5th grade who snapped my glasses in front of his friends just found me on social media a few weeks ago.

He wrote me a long apology saying how he was now a father to a 3 year old little girl and was taking her to get her first pair of little glasses in the next few days—and it brought back what he did. He said couldn’t ever handle the idea of someone doing that to her.

My first instinct was to tell him to get lost, but I realized I was getting what I always prayed for. I just wanted the people who were mean to me to eventually understand it—even if it took a personal experience to relate to and 14 years to open their eyes.

A piece of me healed in that moment as I gave him glasses advice for his daughter because I was the same age when I got my first pair.

Kids are really ruthless, but it takes a healed adult to reach out to apologize. And there is always time to change; it’s never too late.

[marialightwood-chase]

random idea i have that im too lazy to type out in an actual story

Molly and Angel have a dog

and pretty much always have

this is their fourth dog

she’s a husky

I havent given much thought to her name

but it’s probably be in italian or after a roman goddess

she wakes Molly up for her morning walk

and Molly says “It’s Tony’s turn to walk you”

then she looks over at his bed (because i like the idea that they share a room just because they can) and sees he never came home the night before

and goes and gets dressed to walk the dog and then eats breakfast

while walking she runs into someone who owes Anthony money (and is also lowkey scared of Molly for literally no reason) and she just says “I’ll let him know when I see him next”

at some point on the walk she finds Anthony’s body

I’ve always had this idea (that i have zero idea where it came from) that Angel died in January and there was snow on the ground when he died

not that the last thing is that relevant to anything else

Molly tries to wake him up thinking he just fell asleep

then tries CPR

She calls a cab bc she’s strong but she’s not gonna carry someone her size alll the way back to the house

Once she gets back, her dad starts trying to find out how he died

cause he may not have liked Anthony (at all) but his son being dead would be a huge scandal

And basically orders Molly to start calling people and tell them that Anthony’s twin

Most of them go off without a hitch bc he had friends and a lot of people thought he was a sweet young man

the hardest call was with Arackniss (or ig Jonathan according to his wiki page)

bc he’s off starting his own ring all the way in California

but he eventually agrees to come back for a few days

anyway so im fast forwarding a bit to the funeral itself

it goes without a hitch (unless Molly crying while speaking about her twin brother counts as a hitch)

but it all goes to absolute SHIT afterwards

mostly because of arackniss

he says, basically “I have no idea why everyone’s so sad about an f** who died because of his own addictions

And Molly kinda snaps

Cause basically the only people actually sad about his death are her, their nanny that practically raised them after their mom died, his employer* and his three suuuuper close friends of people actually invited to the funeral and here is his own brother insulting his memory

also she’s getting very overstimulated bc her dad’s using it for mob deals and everyone else is just getting drunk

this one i do have actual, flowing dialogue for: “Can you just stop for one fucking minute? Insult Anthony all you want tomorrow, but for one day can you pretend that even a minuscule, tiny iota of your being cared about your little brother? Cause I did, and I’d like to be able to actually mourn him. Tomorrow I’m gonna have to go about my day clearing any presence of him from the world, so can you just fucking let me cry for one day? Goddamn”

and Arackniss just says “Nope”

and leaves right then and there

*Anthony’s employer is this guy who owns a bunch of clubs in NYC, and Anthony was officially working there to sell drugs to people there and run numbers for the club to skim profit but eventually just worked there as a performer. Only Molly really knew about it

[in-tua-deep]

Ok I totally want to hear more about this survivors au/Delores is real! How do the siblings handle having this different version of Five? Five may be better adjusted but he still has to heard his family around like a bunch of stray cats. What happens when Hazel and Cha Cha show up? How do they find out that Vanya causes the apocalypse and how does Five handle that revelation?!

here is the thing, i think the survivors au has the potential to be HILARIOUS

no one knows how to handle a well-adjusted five, and this absolutely includes the commission

So you mentioned Hazel and Cha-Cha?? Five in this au was not nearly as absolutely feral as he is in the show bc he knows how to interact with people - he was raised by a competent adult and a weird best friend and they occasionally saw other survivors as well

please picture old Five hanging around the water cooler and chatting with Hazel

the other funny thing is that Five is competent passing - he is well adjusted emotionally but functionally?? Hazel is out there complaining about dental being cut and office parties and budgets and Five is there sipping his drink having never filed taxes in his life. Five doesn't know what the fuck a dental plan is, he was a child soldier and then lived in an apocalypse.

So please picture for me Hazel being like "okay I know corporate wants us to keep what we're being paid to ourselves but fuck that, workers unite, what do you get paid as a legend old timer?"

and five is like "you're getting paid? i get to not get tossed back into the apocalypse, I think"

"but what about expense forms? what about medical care?"

"I'm like 80% sure i'm being experimented on, actually." Five says nonchalantly, "Don't get me wrong, my idea of medical care is fucked by being a child soldier but I'm pretty sure regular people don't have electrodes attached to their heads every time they get a checkup. Could be wrong though! My ex-dad used to monitor my brainwaves while I slept so like, my idea of appropriate shit is fucked, you know?"

This is a Five who was raised by Rick, he is polite to his coworkers. If Dot asked him if he wanted to grab lunch, Five would have gone and grabbed lunch with her or politely said that he couldn't.

Cha Cha only ever talks to Five when she wants to talk shop, so they've had a couple of conversations about weapons but not much else tbh, Hazel just tends to be more personable

So when they're sent after Five, Hazel is much more hesitant to kill who he perceives as a "work friend" and also is definitely thinking about all the times Five casually revealed a way the commission was being highkey shady about him, such as the potential experimentation, no pay, working under duress etc. He's much more easily turned against the commission because he's even more primed to say "fuck the commission" than he is in canon

Hazel out here like "how did Five break his contract when Five wasn't even being paid? I kind of want to read it."

Hazel out here like "I would unionize if I didn't think the commission was anti-union enough to send literal assassins after me if I suggested it :/"

meanwhile with the siblings

Five just. talks over them a lot and makes so much sense that it's actually really hard to argue with him, and he's weirdly considerate of his family's obligations

Like Diego is like "i have to go see Patch" then Five is like "that's great I'm proud of you buddy, it would actually be really handy to have some law enforcement read into the situation if you think she's up to the task. that goes for everyone by the way! If y'all have people you trust, more bodies would be super helpful I think"

the entire family, collectively, who have like zero trusted social links: uhhhhhhhh

Diego, with this weird permission, probably?? Does? Awkwardly attempt to read Patch into the situation? Patch is, obviously, like "what the fuck, Diego" but probably goes with him to the mansion (????????) because she's concerned and then meets his fucking whacko family with their superpowers and suddenly everything is 100% more realistic

Five is just like "yes hello I'm aware I look like a child, i'm actually in my late 50s or early 60s (apocalypse time amiright) because of time travel stuff. Yes I am Five Hargreeves who went missing in like 2002 or whatever. anyway it's lovely to meet you, i'm so glad diego has someone he trusts, and considering my sibling's shifty looks when i told them to invite anyone they trusted this genuinely makes me concerned that Diego is the most socially well-adjusted of them."

"That cannot be possible." Patch says, like someone who has met Diego Hargreeves.

"You haven't met the rest." Five says sympathetically, "In our defense we were raised in isolation as child soldiers."

"That... explains so much." Is all Patch can say to that, "But you seem..."

"I'm adopted." Five waves away.

"We're ALL adopted." Diego grits out, very aggrieved by this and also not sure if he likes the fact that Patch seems friendly with Five, or at least is listening to him?

"I'm double adopted."

However! With the recruitment of Patch, herding Diego becomes like 90% easier.

Honestly the worst to herd are probably Luther and Allison? Luther because he's Number One and resents Five taking charge and also resents Five's casual dismissal of Reginald and also suspects that Five (or at least the commission) has something to do with Reginald's death?

Allison because she is torn between following Luther and helping him and helping Five but also calling Patrick and Claire at every possible moment while ALSO trying to repair her relationship with Vanya. She's flighty - she'd bail on a Five-apocalypse-assignment if Vanya mentioned being hungry or if Luther called or anything like that

Vanya likes to be included and, if asked, would probably drop as many current obligations as she can. Like she would probably cancel her teaching if Five genuinely and sincerely asked her for her help, which he does because he's 100% sure Dolores would manifest in front of him and smack him if he dared even imply someone without powers wouldn't be helpful

Vanya is like "I'm not sure if i'll be helpful - I don't have powers ):" and Patch is like "wtf are you talking about - my superpowers are Gun, Backup, and Reading Comprehension and i am like the most useful member of this team right now"

Vanya gets a confidence boost just from hanging out with Patch honestly, I think they should be friends

Klaus is thrilled to be included are you kidding?? He says he does it for money but he's just happy to be there and also as one of the most emotionally intelligent siblings he is mildly concerned about the fact that Five looks like he's about to cry and also emotes

Five also gives Klaus positive reinforcement, hugs, and Five absolutely weaponizes the I'm not mad, but I believe that you can do better and I'm going to give you more chances because I love you and fully believe that next time you'll be amazing way that Rick used on him.

I feel like Five ends up saying something along the lines of "I understand that x is really important, and we're definitely going to look into it. Is it something that needs to be addressed right now, or is it something that can wait until after April 1st? If it can wait, I can write it down here on this list so we don't forget. If it can't wait then we can figure out a time to address it and help you" a lot

Like Grace malfunctioning and potentially killing Reginald?

"We don't have to make this decision right now." Five says patiently, "Because Grace is a robot, we have some options. Living with a robot who is potentially malfunctioning and homicidal is dangerous, but Luther saying that means admitting that Reginald might have made a mistake or error with Grace's programming or upkeep. I haven't been here for a long time, but I remember Reginald being very precise. Regardless, this isn't a choice between permanently shutting her off or not. We can shut her down temporarily until we can fully address the issue. We can ask and see if there is a 'system reboot' option or some sort of system check that Grace can undergo. We can try find and hire an expert to take a look at her programming to find the issue."

Five gives this speech while like, organizing the weaponry in the house on a table very nonchalantly

Five out here making buzzer noises at his siblings arguments like "yeah no that's a false dichotomy and a strawman's argument, want to try again?"

(Look apocalypse nights were long and they had games that were literally about arguing pointless shit like ranking types of chairs or the best way to break out of a prison without powers and things could get heated)

"Who died and made you boss?" Luther demands.

"Uh, the world? Were you not listening?" Five asks, looking very purposefully confused.

It gets even MORE delightful when Five reads Rick into the situation because a) he promised and b) his siblings really have like, no connections jeeze

Rick fully believes that this is his son from the future, like Five introduced himself, but Five skipped out on a few key details. Such as being adopted.

So Rick spends a solid chunk of time just staring at Five, who looks basically nothing like him, trying to think like, who is his mother ???? if we save the world will Five stop existing? why would I name my child 'Five'? Does everyone have powers in the future? was there like... a radioactive apocalypse? would radiation give future humans superpowers? when did my life turn into a comic book? am i even allowed to ask these questions? will knowledge of the future fuck things up?

and then when Five comes back and is like "what is up everyone this is my dad Rick who will be joining us, he doesn't have any memories of me thanks to time travel but if anyone is mean to him i WILL kneecap them"

"Your DAD?"

Five does kidney punch Klaus for saying that Rick is a DILF but otherwise everyone just is like, warily looking at this Normal Dad Man in confusion because?? This is the dude who raised Five, who they watched take out like an entire commission team by himself yesterday? He looks so. Normal.

Rick is very confused and like, wonders if he's supposed to be the team mascot? But Five keeps involving him and asking his opinion and in return Rick enforces snack breaks and makes everyone sandwiches and has gentle talks with everyone

Every time Five notices someone about to blow he just lovingly makes sure that that person is alone in a room with Rick

Luther ends up crying on the sofa with Rick gently patting his back as Rick calmly states that Luther seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into his family and making his father proud and that since Reginald isn't here to say it, Rick will have to be the one to say that he's proud and that they've been dropped into a difficult and stressful situation - so soon after Reginald's death when they're still grieving! - and he's doing so well

Luther, experiencing unconditional positive paternal regard for the first time in his life: i don't know why i'm crying so much

honestly this is just a comedy of juggling the gang, having impromptu therapy sessions and discussions, investigating the apocalypse and the eye, leonard trying to meet vanya continuously and failing because she's constantly surrounding by family or rick/patch, the commission trying their best to bust up the dream team/isolate Vanya/kill or remove Five, while Hazel lives out his romcom dreams with Agnes and also says "fuck the commission"

[ladder-discourse]

What are some of the vampire au jokes? Also, how do vampires work in this au? This sounds so cool!

Thanks for enabling and validating my brainrot anon 😌 uhhhh here's a few things about how it works/the expanded premise

(⚠ GAA Resolve/DGS2 spoilers)

- You make new vampires by having a current vamp feed a dying human their cursed blood.

- Barok's the one who turned Ryunosuke into a vampire. By pure chance, while Ryu's license to practice law is suspended, he's out for a walk one night when he happens to get caught up in one of those ambushes meant to take out Van Zieks. He winds up getting shot (possibly while attempting to assist). Barok's a salty gloomy motherfucker but he's not cold enough to just let the man bleed out in an alley so he's like "god dammit" and feeds him some of his blood.

- ...But then he also just kind of leaves while Ryu's unconscious so he doesn't have to explain anything, bc he's a miserable awkward bastard. Ryu wakes up hours later feeling like shit and with absolutely zero memory of preceding incident, so he has NO idea who is responsible for his condition.

- This all happens during that span of time when Susato is back in Japan. Eventually she comes back, and obviously the baker street gang tell her about Ryu's new condition right away, and she's just like. Naruhodo-san... I WAS ONLY GONE FOR A FEW MONTHS... HOW...

- Sholmes is the only one of the baker street fam who's already aware of the supernatural and knows vampires are a thing. Iris and Ryunosuke are like YOU... HAVE NEVER MENTIONED THIS BEFORE? He does not think it is strange at all to have not mentioned it, he never has any cases involving them so it never comes up!

- You grow your vampire abilities and overcome their natural weaknesses by draining a lot of humans, but because Ryunosuke refuses to do this, he's kind of a shit-tier vampire. Also he can't enter houses and stuff without being invited in 8'(

- He can ONLY drink blood and regular food/drink now make him really sick, but bc he's basically vampire vegan (no humans) Iris has set up a deal with the local butcher to get a steady supply of various animal bloods. She kind of takes to making different mixtures of the stuff for him much like she does with her herbal tea blends. Which is sort of a fucked up hobby for a 10 yo to have but! Seriously, Ryu would be utterly sunk w/o her.

- Vamps don't get the little demon tail or pointy ears until they've fed directly from a living human, which creates a sort of vampire walk of shame situation for poor Ryu when eventually way down the line, he tells Kazuma and Kazuma's like 'yeah sure partner drink some of my blood, it's the least i can do. it'll be fine'.

- please appreciate this art my gf did of vamp Ryu with the absurd steampunk mega parasol that sholmes and iris make for him

lkdsfmkllsdk there's more but i'll leave it there for now.

[eponinemylove]

Neil + getting hurt

this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but

alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something

he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it

he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.

his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)

sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help

but

if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron

(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)

the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time

anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner

They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad

Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him

Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want

Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”

Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”

and Neil takes off his shirt

a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE

aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.

and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him

His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”

Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up

They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not

Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy

like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered

this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him

Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by

Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small

Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)

So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby

he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!

there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital

It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad

It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself

he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him

they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”

everyone is confused af but they go with it

They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most

the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit

he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him

The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know

Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad

it is

After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up

It’s Nicky

“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”

And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so

“idk. It’s just, when my father-“

collective wince

“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“

so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying

“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“

ok he stops there

they get the point

Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation

it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead

any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions

andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking

he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again

neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore

andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe

170%

everyone goes home eventually

later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs

[justpeachyshua]

vocal unit theater au - seungkwan

seungkwan as the assistant director

“passion. so many people in this world are filled with so much passion. passion for writing, for dancing, for painting, for performing. passion moves us to pursue our wildest dreams and achieve our highest goals. but, what about when one’s biggest passion is also their biggest weakness?”  (warning/tag: angst-ish?)

part 3 of the vocal unit theater au

read below the cut!

as soon as you met seungkwan, you knew what kind of person he was

when you were both juniors, you were paired together for an ice breaking activity in your literature class, the only class you both shared

you were supposed to learn a couple facts about the other person and then present about them in front of the class a few minutes later 

you were super hesitant at first, not really wanting to talk to anyone in class

but when you were paired with the nice-looking kid sitting a few desks away you were a little less nervous

you introduced yourself and discovered his name was seungkwan

as you guys shared memories from summer break you cracked a few jokes and somehow actually?? enjoyed ? a school ice breaker???

when he ‘presented about you’ you got a feel for the kind of person he was

he threw some clever remarks in and got the class laughing and you realized

ah, he’s definitely an attention-seeker

not in the bad way of course!!!! you could just see that he enjoyed the spotlight 

you were actually pretty confused as to how you had never met this guy before,, i mean, he was so vibrant and outgoing and he seemed to know just about everyone

a few months into the school year and you guys were regular seatmates and great friends

you had pretty much mastered the art of discreetly passing notes to each other in class lmao 

(chaewon asked this guy out to homecoming in my science class. i felt so bad for her, she was flat out rejected) 

(how did she ask him out?) 

(full on song and dance TT)

(yikes) 

as you guys were super close, you shared pretty much all of your after school activities with each other, to the point where you had his schedule in your planner and vice versa

you always tried your best to support each other in extracurriculars! 

you were involved in model un and sca while seungkwan was balancing chorus and theater (ofc) 

that’s something that was really important for you two:

as different as you guys may have been - him the more exuberant type, you the more reserved and studious type - you always made sure to be there for each other

you know what they say, opposites attract 

so

when spring came and it was time for musical auditions, seungkwan made it very clear how excited he was to audition

and you were here for it! 

in the few weeks leading up to auditions, you spent countless hours helping seungkwan prepare his monologue and audition song

he was absolutely perfect ofc but he was dedicated and kept nitpicking his skills

even though you knew next to nothing about music, he would still always come up to you asking if something sounded right

“you think i should sing it more like this” “or like this”

“i.. i didn’t really hear a difference”

“do you think i’m too flat on this note?” 

“you know i don’t know what means” 

 you couldn’t quite explain it, but hanging out with seungkwan those few weeks made you feel all jittery inside 

especially moments when he was so involved in acting out his monologue and he had a passion in his eyes that made him look like he truly was in a fictional world

although he could be a bit obnoxious when he started humming, or worse, singing, in class, when he was in his element it was mesmerizing

as these sessions progressed, these jittery feelings persisted and eventually evolved into a more heart-pounding sensation

when seungkwan practiced his monologue in front of you, you spent less time listening to what he was saying and more time staring into his eyes and counting all of the moles on his face

you told your mom about what you were feeling

“it sounds like you have a crush on him!” 

oh

o h 

OH 

you had NO idea how oblivious you could’ve been to your own feelings if you hadn’t been able to see that you did, in fact, like seungkwan 

from then on, you desired to be closer to him

you wanted to get more involved with the musical

so, in a spur of the moment decision, you ended up auditioning for the musical with seungkwan

while seungkwan was effortlessly amazing, you,,,,, weren’t so great

you didn’t have high expectations necessarily

you’d never really acted or sung before and you definitely messed up the lines to your monologue

but when the callback list came out and you didn’t see your name anywhere, you were a little let down

you then searched for seungkwan’s name on the list and saw that his name had been starred

was he a potential for the lead character? did they want him to have a massive solo? what did that little star mean? 

you set your disappointment aside to celebrate with seungkwan when he heard the news himself

when callbacks were finally over and the actual cast list had come out, you were surprised to see,,,,

seungkwan wasn’t on the list at all

“oh, yeah it’s fine!” 

“what do you mean it’s fine?! couldn’t they see what an awesome actor and singer you are?!?! who do they think they are, turning a star like you down” 

that was when he told you he was actually chosen to be assistant director for the show 

“oh.....” 

seungkwan explained to you that the director of the show, the theater teacher mr. choi, was really impressed with his dedication to the class and to the show that he employed him as assistant director

his job for now was mostly to check up on the cast and crew to make sure things were getting done on time and to coach people on their acting/singing

he took it seriously, making sure to be friendly but stern when needed, and always helping out wherever he could

but, as the weeks past and opening night was fast approaching, he started taking it,,, too seriously

at first, when he attended after school rehearsals, he would ask you to join and help with building sets or organizing boxes of props

but soon enough he was so busy with the show that he was no longer inviting you 

lunches that you two used to spend together became lonely when he had to go to the auditorium to run scenes with the cast

while you would normally have seungkwan quiz you to help you prepare for model un competitions, you had to start asking for your parents’ help instead when seungkwan began spending long nights at dress rehearsals

you couldn’t blame him for being dedicated, after all his job was crucial for the success of show 

but it still hurt

there were a few times where you tried to reconnect with him

you tried calling him on nights when (you assumed) he wasn’t busy

but it would go to voicemail and later on you’d see his snapchat story updated with videos of him singing with the ensemble 

on nights like those you decided to shut your phone off entirely

bc it seemed like all at once seungkwan was dropping you for the musical,,,

when you realized your feelings for seungkwan, you made such an effort to stay close to him, even going out of your way to audition for a musical you didn’t really care to be a part of and taking time out of your days to help with the set up

and now it felt like all of your work had gone to waste now that seungkwan barely wanted to hang anymore

so, when your birthday came around, you tried not get your hopes up

when your classmates gathered to decorate your locker with sticky notes, you tried not to look for seungkwan’s handwriting

when you checked your social media and saw a few birthday comments from close friends, you tried not keep refreshing the page, looking for one from him

when your parents brought out the cake and candles, you tried not to imagine him singing happy birthday to you, his voice as boisterous as he was 

when you were about to head to sleep, you tried not to check your phone, waiting for a message or a phone call 

and by the next morning, you had zero new notifications

you walked into school that day downcast

you were assigned a new project in your literature class that day and, to no surprise, you were paired up with... seungkwan

“alright! ready to get to work?” 

“....”

you just nodded, lips tightly pursed

“okay.. well, let’s divide the work up. I can do this half of the research and the works cited if you do the other half and maybe make the note cards for our presentation?” 

“sure” 

it was unlike you to be so un-talkative, especially with seungkwan, so he was obliviously confused but he decided to let it go until you guys were out of class

he approached you in the hallway

“hey are you ok?” 

“i don’t know, seungkwan” 

“you know you can tell me anything, right?” 

“i don’t wanna talk about it” 

“please, you were acting strange all class. clearly, something’s up”

“well you know, maybe i’d be acting more normal if my project partner and closest friend hadn’t completely forgotten my birthday” 

seungkwan’s face dropped

“i’m- god, y/n i’m so sorry. i-i didn’t realize.. shit i’m so so sorry”

“i’m just tired of this, seungkwan. we barely talk anymore and i’m the only one that’s noticed”

"i..what do you mean”

“i mean you spend all your time with the drama department, so of course you don’t feel lonely like i do. you’re always so busy with them that you forget to check up on me, to say hey every once in a while. what happened to calling each other every friday night just to tell each other we don’t have plans over the weekend? what happened to our study sessions? what happened to us?”

“i’ve just been so busy-”

“yeah i know you have. but you can’t just drop your friends like that. i know your job as assistant director is as important as it gets, but you can’t let it take over your life. god, forget the fact that i even have a crush on you, i just want my best friend back” 

“you- what?” 

in the heat of the moment, you seemed to have spilled something you never thought you’d say 

your face was heated with frustration and embarrassment and seungkwan was equally as shocked

“just forget about it”

you sped off to your next class, not wanting to spend another second standing in front of seungkwan

the rest of the week was silent

if you thought seungkwan had forgotten about you before, then he was actively avoiding you now 

you opted to stay home the day you had literature rather than face another awkward class period 

although a part of you didn’t want to leave seungkwan to work on the project alone, you couldn’t possibly face whatever rejection you were anticipating

the day seemed to drag on forever without anything to do or anyone to talk to 

you wanted to be productive, but all you could do was lay in bed, swaddled in at least three blankets

about halfway into the afternoon, you were close to drifting into your third depression nap when your phone began to loudly ring next to you

picking it up, you saw it was seungkwan who was calling before you hit decline

he called again and, again, you hit decline

he called once more

you hit decline again

he call-

“what do you want, seungkwan?” 

“god thank you for picking up. i wasn’t about to keep trying until my phone died”

“what did u call for?” 

“well, i’ve been thinking a lot lately and you’re right, i’ve been spending way too much time on the musical and i’ve been neglecting our friendship. i fucked up so bad that i forgot your birthday and i ended up pushing you away. that’s.. that’s not what i want. i don’t like where we are right now”

“..neither do i”

“no, i-i really don’t like where we are right now. i want to make it up to you, y/n.. let’s go on a date” 

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“............are you still there?” 

“yeah i am. i’m still here. i just.. don’t know what to say” 

“that’s alright. you don’t have to say much. but i do hope you’ll say yes, because i did just ask a sophomore to fill my spot as assistant director for tonight’s performance in order for us to go out” 

you couldn’t help but lightly chuckle 

that sounds like seungkwan

“well, it’ll take a lot for me to completely forgive you..... but ok. let’s go on a date”

“oh thank god! again, i was really betting on you saying yes. i can stop by yours at maybe 6 later? if that’s alright by you, of course. unless you think you need more time to get ready. not that that’s a bad thing! but i did buy tickets for a movie at 6:40 so-”

“seungkwan, you’re rambling” 

“you.. you’re right, i am. sorry about that”

“that’s alright. i know we’ll have a good time

....as long as we’re not seeing a musical, of course”