#based on superstore and the office lol

[bitchapalooza]

Walmart AU

Ludwig works in produce. He struggles with this one kid once a week who insists on grabbing the apples at the way bottom and makes sure to jostle the carton enough for the other apples to tumble. Sometimes the neighboring produce fall too. Ludwig took up this job part time while he helps his brother get back on his feet.

Francis is having a not so secret affair with one of the custodians. Francis works in the bakery and thinks he's too good for it. Yeah his baking is phenominal but his decorating skills could use a little more practice. Francis is working at Walmart of all places because its close to his house and his favorite hair salon is just down the road so its a win-win.

Lorenzo is a broke as fuck college student working in the electronics apartment. His grandfather kicked him out to make him learn the value of a dollar. He's learned its value alright. Lorenzo buys nothing but romen noodles and saltines while he saves up for a car so he doesn't have to take the public bus anymore. God does he want to stab someone with the headphone case keys......

Arthur is one of 3 custodians that are actually seen on the floor. He's always very close to the bakery. And when he's not he's always quick to get there when theres a spill radioed in over there. And then he goes into the back of bakery for a very obvious reason despite what he believes is very stealthy. He's working this job as he has no restaurant experience. And he can't cook. But he still needs to help his son pay for college. Speaking of his son...

Alfred works at the Sams Club next door. He did not want to be seen by his old man or be associate with the ratty trashman so he applied to Sams Club instead. Arthur drives him to work when they have similar hours so it all works out okay. He works register and surprisingly enjoys it. That is of course because its more fun than the hard as hell computer science course he's taking.

Yao works in the Auntie Anne's Pretzels with Emil. And Yao hates it. One, his coworker is his son's boyfriend. Two, Emil does nothing but watch tik toks when no customers are around, leaving Yao to prepare new product. Calm down Yao, this is all to make to make your son's life happy and easy. And to make your ex wife get off your fucking back about more child support. Don't punch the child dating your baby boy. Don't do it. Resist.

Meanwhile, Emil is working there because his big brother got him the job so he'd learn something about life or some crap like that. He can't remember when he has to worry about that surprise algebra 2 quiz he overheard while sneaking in the teacher's lounge for the GOOD snack machine.

Roderich's small business went under so now he's stuck as a Walmart greeter and all he can think about is asking someone to run his head over with one of those carts that don't go the way you want it to. If only his father would forgive him and give him that loan. Then he wouldn't have to work at this disgusting place. But no. Old man had to be stingy u-u

Ivan works in the photolab. He's really good at it but... He's really bad at customer service. And just being polite in general. Its not that he CAN'T be polite, its just he's overly pushy when trying to sell whatever promotion/offer they have. He breaks all walls down and shoves those acrylic keychains on display in your face and asks if you want it. He's only doing this because Golden Corral fired him after welcoming people with the line "Welcome to the germ buffet. Enjoy disease."

[withyouandthemoon]

HI ZORA BB💖 for the end of the year asks : 5, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12,

5. What creative work are you most proud of (your own or someone else’s)?

I am quite proud of the fact that I got back to writing at all lmao. I write sporadically at best, and the last time I wrote fiction before this year was in early 2019 (good times, sigh), so I’m just gonna pat myself on the back for trying.

I am still in absolute awe of Vice and Virtue by @galvanizedfriend. Every time I think back to it (the one chapter I read - I have two new chapters that I still haven’t found the time to get into my fault I knowwww) my mind just goes !@#@%$#^ cause it’s that good a masterpiece. And in my mind it’s canary yellow and pastel green like the color palette you used for the beautiful beautiful edit.

I also constantly think of this edit by @certifiedceraunophile. It’s so stunning!!! I’ve actually started writing something based on it, but well, you know... sporadic. It has become kind of a personal sanctuary though, to imagine an alternate universe that is so close to reality, but pandemic-free. In which Klaus and Caroline would be traveling in style and I could get my wanderlust quenched vicariously through those two.

6. Did you have any new ships this year?

Roy and Keeley! Definitely them. Other than that I can’t think of any new ships though. I’ve been rewatching the same old shows on loop for a while now lol.

8. What quote really sums up how you’re feeling at this point?

I’ve read from somewhere an excerpt of a letter Anton Chekhov wrote to his sister in 1898 after their father passed away. I think of it a lot these days:

Tell mother that however dogs and samovars might behave themselves, winter comes after summer, old age after youth, and misfortune follows happiness (or the other way around). A person can not be healthy and cheerful throughout life. Losses lie waiting and man can not safeguard against death, even if he be Alexander of Macedonia. One must be prepared for anything and consider everything to be inevitably essential, as sad as that may be. What needs to be done is to fulfill one's mission according to one's strength - no need to worry about the rest.

9. Recommend something that you really enjoyed in 2021.

Sitcoms. These are the “same old shows” that I’ve been looping all year. My forever comfort, Community and The IT Crowd and The Office and Miranda and Derry Girls. A special shout-out to Superstore, whose last season I just finished and it has one of the most heartwarming and fulfilling series finales I’ve ever seen.

Musicals sountracks! I depend on them to spark joy in me, seriously. A few that I constantly go back to this year: Come from Away (the last musical I saw live - again, how I miss 2019); Hadestown; Notre-Dame de Paris; and a recent fascination Sunday in the Park with George.

Flights by Olga Tokarczuk. I read it in Chinese, so cannot vouch for the English translation, but it’s hands down the best thing I’ve read this year. It got me through a particularly down period and for that I’m always grateful.

The dried bamboo shoots and dried shiitake mushrooms I had shipped from back home. God they’re good. Transcend every soup I ever make. Also I learned to squeeze a wedge of lime on my soups from Vietnamese restaurants (speaking of, I also praise the ultimate rainy chilly gloomy day comfort food pho) and it’s divine.

11. Name a fellow fan who you really appreciated this year.

You, Kait, of course!!! And also Nat @recyclingss. You two make everything better and brighter, and this year would suck a lot more without you guys. *a thousand and one hearts and kisses*

12. Share your wishes for your fellow fans in the new year.

Wish you all a safe and happy new year! No writer’s or artist’s blocks, no busy days, just a ton of amazing new content in every fandom that you’re even remotely interested in, and a lot of free time. And great food.

[nicol3houghts]

STOP WATCHING THE OFFICE:   other things to watch this summer

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE ZIE OFFICE!! But as much as it pains me to say, the office isn’t a personality trait, so I’ve decided to make a list (e.g. Buzzfeed lists) of my top 16 recommendations for TV and podcasts to watch and listen to—since we all need to stop being basic bitches and FOCUS! 

I hope you listen to me when I say these shows are amazing and actually watch them if you have the time. I'm doing this because I care about you and your TV preferences.

I'll break it up by streaming service, starting with Netflix then Hulu, YouTube, then Podcasts last.

*I apologize in advance for the lousy grammar and lack of editing, but also not really sorry bout it.

-----------------------------------------

On NETFLIX:

1. Arrested Development

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 91

Hours to Binge: 35

Okay, number one on my list is Arrested development. A lot of people I talk to, especially in my age range, don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, but this show is GENIUS... on G*D. I’ve watched it around four times now, and each time it gets better and better. I read somewhere that it was created as a satire of Bush-era incompetence and idiotic hanky-panky during the Iraq war. But at its heart, the show’s about a rich family with four adult children—who are all goofy and quirky. Their dad get’s thrown in jail for doing business with terrorists or something like that and Micheal Bluth (Jason Bateman) has to get them out of weird ass situations.

Above is one of my favorite scenes  (Best clip I could find on youtube!!).

This show has a LOT of jokes and long running bits that you kind of have to pay attention to to get the storyline. It’s hella META, and at times, can be really weird (see George Micheal Bluth and Maeby Fünke’s little Les Cousins Dangereux). In conclusion, however, Jason Bateman is hot, Micheal Cera is hot, and Tony Hale is ~super~ hot.

P.S. a lot of memes come from this show that you would know but don’t know that it’s from this show.

2. The Haunting of Hill House

Number of Seasons: 1

Number of Episodes: 10

Hours to binge: 9

Scary as f*ck! Do not watch yourself or u will die. I warned you.

I'm not going to spoil it too much, but it's about a family living in a spooky house and crazy ass shit keeps happening to them. They eventually move out, but even 20 years after--when the kids are all adults--the haunting of the house follows them.

There's even a 17 min scene that they shot in one shot!!!!!!!! That's wiLD.

3. Schitt's Creek

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 66

Hours to binge: 25

Yet another show about a rich family loosing all their money. A bit different than Arrested Development. This show is about a rich ass family loosing all their money and resorting to live in Schitt's Creek--a town in Nowhere, U.S.A. the family bought as a JOKE. It's a really easy watch. The characters in this show are SO un-relatable and mean it's hilarious--only if u f*ck wit dry humor tho.

Here's my favorite character, Alexis Rose just being iconic:

Give it a try, the first few episodes are rocky, but it gets better. That's a guarantee.

4. American Vandal

Number of Seasons: 2

Number of Episodes: 16

Hours to binge: 9

A lot of people already probs watch this show, but it's honestly so beautifully written. The show is an homage to Making a Murderer, a true crime mockumentary of sorts. It follows two guys, Sam and Peter as they try to figure out a mystery: WHO DREW D*CKS ON THE TEACHER'S CARS?

Also, JIMMY TATRO!!!!!

Season 2 follows a different crime and it's... it's poopy.

5. Mindhunter

Number of Seasons: 1

Number of Episodes: 10

Hours to binge: 9

YUH. Just started this, already on ep. 8, very interesting. Mindhunter is about the first FBI agents to use profiling to catch serial killers. THE CHARACTERS IN THIS SHOW WALKED SO THAT HOTCH AND REID COULD RUN.

This show is no joke and based on true serial killers like the coed killer, the shoe fetish killer, and BTK, it's very.... very creepy.

ALWAYS carry pepper spray on ya, that's fer sher.

6. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

pinot noir, caviar

7. John Mulaney: The Comeback Kid

eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

8. The Good Place

is it really the good place?

---------------------------------------------

On Hulu:

9. Broad City

Number of Seasons: 5

Number of Episodes: 50

Hours to binge: 18

One of the greatest television series of all time about two baller best fraaands who get into the schemes of the century in New York City. Illana, a ferocious kween wit ZERO f*cks, and Abbi, an aspiring artiste with a great ass. The two work min-wage jobs in NYC (so they're broke) and they're just trying to find luv and a good bacon egg and cheese.

Think Sex and the City but fresh and new and wild. Abbi and Ilana's dialogue and schemes are relatable af, it makes it seem like you're there with them. Their co-dependency is so powerful... yet at moments, a lil destructive. I once had a friendship like this.. and let me tell you... co-dependency is a wild ride.

Some of the funniest scenes in this show is just of them talking on the street. Sometimes, when I'm walking with my friends, I pretend like I'm in the show lol.

I recommend you start from beginning to end because of the endless callbacks and running gags, but if not start with season 3, episode 7 B&B-NYC. Blake Griffin is in it.

10. Community

Number of Seasons: 6

Number of Episodes: 110

Hours to binge: 41

What can I say about this show to make you watch it? Well first of all the fact that Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) is in it should already have you clicking over to Hulu by now.

Community is about seven quirky misfits: a disbarred lawyer, a failed housewife, an activist everyone hates, a racist old man, a stupid jock who lost his sports scholarship, a high-strung know-it-all who took too much adderall, and abed. They all end up at Greendale Community College with a phsyco spanish teacher and a colorful dean. 

This show is kind of a parody of a sitcom, and it is VERY meta--often referring to themselves as TV show characters. The seven get into hilarious adventures and obstacles along the way. The show also genre hops from time to time. For example, they have a whole pillow fort vs. blanket fort episode (Pillows and Blankets, season 3, episode 4) in a Ken Burns documentary style, an episode in claymation for Christmas (Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas, season 2, episode 11), and a bunch of paintball episodes in style of Quentin Tarantino and StarWars.

Again, you should start at the beginning, but if you want to get into it quickly, I really loved Pillows and Blankets (season 3, episode 4).

11. The Mindy Project

As a "petite asian woman" who is not petite, this show is very relatable. About finding love and eating good in the big apple.  

P.S. If you don't like Kelly from the office, you're dead 2 m3.

12. Brooklyn 99

Cool. coolcoolcoolcool. Jake Peralta is the greatest detective/genius.

13. Superstore

If Walmart and the office had a baby and it was incompetent.

---------------------------------------------

On YouTube and Facebook Watch:

14. The Real Bros of Simi Valley

Number of Seasons: 2

Number of Episodes: 14

Hours to binge: 4

You straight up know these guys, fool. Four stoner/burn-outs who think your hometown's Mexican food is the best in the world. Amazingly written and surprisingly good acting. Lightweight lowkey thought they were speaking another language at first.

Jimmy Tatro, Cody Ko, Getter, and Nick Colletti. What more do you want? LITERALLY WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

The unnecessary drama and endless quotable jokes in this show leads you wanting more with only 14 episodes totaling at around four hours.

Watch the first season YouTube here:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybcPQVipNAw

---------------------------------------------

Podcasts:

15. Tiny Meat Gang

Aha hah bro last night was a movie bro ON GOD.

Noel Miller and Cody Ko talk about literally anything, but goofy. I can listen to them talk for straight up hours.

I usually listen on Apple Podcasts, but you can also watch on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/ZCMs4FrC_c0

Just start listening, bro.

16. My Favorite Murder

No shade to Codel, but My Favorite Murder is my all time favorite podcast. Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark  are two hilarious women who love murder. Not murdering, but the psychology of murderers and survivors. Each Thursdays each of them tell a story about a murder. They don't make fun of murders, but it's their banter that makes it fun to listen to.

If you're a fan of true crime at all, please listen so I have more people to talk about it with. shouts outs Jenna for putting me on to the show!

Here are my favorite episodes!

*tip: skip the first 15-20 min to the first murder when first listening.

150: How Dare You Kill Kelli

The Hanging of Alice Riley and The Murder of Reyena Marroquin

131: The Uninhibited

The Murder of Standford White and The Case of the Boys on the Tracks

[maddy-the-otome-hoe]

Masamune Gets Lost in Costco

This is all based on a dream I had where I lost the sweet boy Masa inside of Costco and I thought Kojuro was going to kill me. Also just like to point out that I have never actually been to a Costco store before so my dream Costco is probably a lot more wild lol. Well anyway enjoy ~~~ @space-romantic @ikemenprincessnaga 

Double checking my list I made sure everything I had everything on it. Next week, thanks to Masamune and Kojuro's kind praise, I was going to be catering a wedding for nearly three hundred people. Apparently the bride was the daughter of a family friend. It was bigger than any event I had ever done before but I welcomed the challenge. I also needed to do my best since Masamune and Kojuro spoke so highly of my skill. In fact they had been nothing but helpful to me since I moved to the city. From giving me a job as Masamune's live in cook but also helping me get my catering business started. One my way out I decided to stop by Masamune's office and see if they would want anything while I was out. I knocked on the door and heard Masamune tell me to come in. When I walked in the room Masamune briefly looked up at me and smiled. "Sorry to interrupt but I'm heading to Costco. Do either of you need anything while I'm out?" Masamune leaned back in his chair and seemed to be thinking.

"What is Costco? You go there a lot. Is it some sort of catering store?" His innocent curiosity made me smile and I shrugged.

"It's basically just a huge grocery store that lets you buy things in bulk. So I guess in a way it is." His whole face seemed to light up at my explanation and I couldn't help but notice how cute he looked.

"Interesting. Would you mind if I went with you? I'd like so see what kind of store this is." His sudden request snapped me out of thoughts and I wasn't the only one surprised. Kojuro's eyes were wide and he straightened up.

"Are you sure that's ok? You look really busy." All of our eyes went to the papers spread out on the desk, but Masamune made quick work of cleaning them up.

"It's fine. We were just talking about taking a break anyway. Right Kojuro?" When Masamune looked at Kojuro I saw a soft smile come across his lips.

"That's right we were Sir." Masamune turned back to me and smiled. It made my heart flutter with happiness.

"There you have it. Let's go." I hurriedly nodded and just like that we left. As I drove to the super store I tried not to think about how close Masamune was to me in my car. It wasn't luxurious or spacious like any of his but if he minded then he didn't show it. After a while though Masamune finally spoke which was surprising. "So how have you been? I've been pretty busy with work to ask lately."

"I'm good. A little stressed with this wedding coming up, but good. My mom says hi by the way. I talked to her the other night." I saw a smile on Masamune's face out of the corner of my eye and felt my heart skip a beat. "Thank you, and Kojuro, again for helping me get this gig. I promise to do my best!"

"Oh I have no doubt about that. Just don't work yourself too hard." I rolled my eyes but smiled all the same.

"I should be telling you that. Mr. getting snacks from the kitchen at three am." His smile fell and I could see his cheeks turn pink with embarrassment. Pulling into the parking lot I turned the car off and smiled. "Well we're here." Once we were inside Masamune seemed amazed.

"It's bigger than I thought it would be. Some of the shelves are so high. What's on them?" I chuckled at his amusement but shrugged.

"I would assume extra inventory. Listen though Masamune." He turned his attention to me and got serious. "Just stay with me ok. This store can be a little overwhelming the first time and I don't want you to get lost."

"Alright. I'll follow your lead this time." We shared a smile and then I pulled out my list. Masamune stood next to me and looked at it. "That's a lot. Where do we start?" It was a good question. I really had to prioritize my list but thankfully I had already done that stuff in my head.

"Well I'm going to make the desserts first so let's start there." So our shopping trip started and it was actually really fun shopping with him. Masamune seemed amused by the sheer about you could get of things for one price. My favorite was when he saw a box of three thousand q-tips for ten dollars. He couldn't believe that someone would need that many but admitted the price was good. We were currently in one of the baking isles but the ingredients I needed were up higher than either of us could reach. "Damn. Stay here with the cart and I'll go find an employee." He nodded at me and I left to go find someone. By the time I found someone and I got back I noticed that Masamune was not where I left him. The worker got me what I needed but I had hardly been able to say thank you. Once they were gone I frantically looked around the isles for his tall head of black hair but he was nowhere to be seen. I even tried calling out his name but got no answer. Trying not to give into panic I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Masamune's number. However it was Kojuro's voice that answered. "Kojuro? Why do you have Masamune's phone?" In truth I already knew the answer but I could hope right. It wasn't too far fetched to believe that Kojuro had followed us here because he was worried about Masamune. However Kojuro's answer dashed all of my hopes.

"He left it at the house. Why were you calling him? Is everything alright? You sound out of breath." I should of known Kojuro would pick up on my problem. He was sharp even over the phone. I couldn't bring myself to lie even if I was afraid Kojuro would kill me. Plus I only lost Masamune inside of Costco. It was a grocery store, not a war torn city.

"Well, ok promise not to get mad, I kinda lost Masamune inside of Costco." I prepared for him to at least yell at me but felt a chill go up spine when he only laughed.

"I'm sorry. It sounded like you said you just lost Masamune. How could that even be possible?" I bit the inside of my cheek and sighed.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I went to get an employee and he didn't stay put like I told him too. Don't worry though I'm going to find him. Costco isn't that big. He's somewhere safe I'm sure." Kojuro sighed over the phone and I could tell he was concerned.

"Alright. Please let me know once you find him."

"Of course." I hung up the phone and began my search for Masamune. My first thought was to page him so he knew where to go but then it dawned on me that he wouldn't know where to go. So it was left up to me to scour the superstore and find my boss. Knowing Masamune he was probably trying to find his way back to where I left him but also chasing down things that caught his eye. So I put myself in his shoes and thought about where he might wonder to. I looked in various food isles, over by the books, and I finally wandered over to the pet section. There I saw a familiar worker with a long red ponytail feeding some rabbits. I walked up to him and prayed he could help me. " Hey Shingen." He smiled at me and waved.

"Hey what's up?" I wasted no time in telling him about my current problem.

"I was wondering you saw a man about this tall," I used my hands to gesture Masamune's height, "with blue eyes. He's got on a grey shirt and jeans." Shingen seemed to think about it and then his face seemed to light up.

"Yeah I saw him just a bit ago. He was looking at the puppies and then went that way.  Is he your boyfriend or something?" I was caught a little off guard by his question. It wasn't that I minded it just that Shingen almost never asked me about my personal life before now.

"No we're just friends but it's his first time here so I'm pretty sure he's lost." Shingen nodded but his smile never changed. "Speaking of I need to go. Thanks for your help."

"No problem. I'll see you around." The way he said it almost sounded like he was certain of it but rather than focus on it I went in search for Masamune. The direction Shingen had pointed me toward was swarming with people handing out food samples. I walked all over until I the sound of my name stopped me in my tracks. I looked and hoped that I wasn't imagining it. When I looked there I saw Masamune sitting on a giant teddy bear with a small bag of mini doughnuts. Joy and relief flowed through me as I ran up to him. Without even thinking I threw my arms around him.

"Masamune! I'm so glad I found you!"

"You were worried?" His voice was right by my ear and I pulled back embarrassed by my forwardness.

"Well yeah. I mean of course." I was sure that my cheeks were red and it was hard not to stutter. "It's just I know you tend to get anxious in crowds and try to avoid them. So I started looking for you right away. Sorry it took me so long." He smiled softly at me and I knew that meant he didn't blame me.

"It's alright. I should of stayed by the cart like you told me too. My plan was to call you but I must of left my phone at home."

"I know. I tried to call it but Kojuro answered it. He seemed pretty angry with me." I then remembered that I needed to message him and let him know I found Masamune. Hopefully that would calm him down before we got back to the house.

"He'll get over it. Kojuro worries far too much." I looked at Masamune and the softness on his face turned to excitement. "Speaking of look at what I found!" He pointed to the giant bear behind him with a boyish glee. "I want to buy two of these and give them to Kojuro and Shigezane. If I sneak them into their rooms they be completely surprised." I couldn't tell if he was doing this as a prank or out of love but he looked too excited for me to stop him. So after Masamune finished his doughnuts  he carried his bear up to the check out and told the employee that he needed another one. While we waited I felt someone tap my shoulder. I looked around and saw Shingen.

"Hey. I see you found your friend." I smiled and nodded.

"Yeah. Thanks again for your help. It probably would of taken longer if you wouldn't of pointed me in the right direction." Shingen chuckled but then narrowed his eyes in almost and enticing manor.

"So about seeing you around. How about I see you while we have dinner tomorrow night? Six o'clock sound good?" Realizing he had just asked me out on a date I was at a loss for words. Dating was not something I was used to doing. My work alone kept me busy enough as is.

"That's really nice of you Shingen but," before I could actually give an answer the voice behind me did.

"She has plans with me that night." I whirled around and found Masamune standing behind me with his arms crossed behind his chest. Shingen didn't seem deterred by this at all though. In fact it seemed like he took it as a challenge

"I see. Well then how about next week?" Shingen's attention was back on me but this time I actually had a real answer but again Masamune answered for me.

"I don't think you understand. She has plans with me indefinitely." This time my cheeks turned red because that sounded an awful like like something a boyfriend would say. Shingen also finally seemed surprised but it soon turned into a chuckle.

"I see. Well apparently a lot has changed since she told me you were just a friend." Shingen laughed again but didn't seem angry. I continued to watch the whole exchange not sure what to say. "See you around." He turned on his heel and walked away and I still watched in shock. Shingen had asked me out and Masamune had gotten  jealous? When I tried to look at Masamune for answers it almost looked like he was blushing. Confused as I was we left the store in silence. Once in the car though I couldn't handle the silence.

"So what exactly are these indefinite  plans do I have with you?" I could tell that he was blushing but it was cute.

"You don't have to worry about it. I don't really know what came over me back there." Despite what he was saying I could tell that he was putting on a front. In the three years I've known Masamune I could tell when he was hiding his real feelings. Knowing this I decided to be just a little bit more bold.

"That's too bad." I took note of the shock on his face and continued. "I would definitely be ok with having indefinite plans you." We were at a stop light so I turned to look at him and couldn't help but smile. He looked surprised but he soon returned my smile.

"Well if that's the case then maybe we should talk about it over dinner tomorrow night." Now it was my turn to blush, but I nodded all the same.

"I'd really like that." Despite completely failing at the shopping I still felt happy. I'd have to go back to Costco tomorrow and I lost a day of prep. However it seemed like a small price to pay for a date with Masamune. Never imagined that it would take losing him inside of Costco for that to happen, but I was glad all the same.

[flutadventures]

Happy Birthday to Me Part Two

The following is a documentation of all the other meals I made on my birthday weekend:

Unagi Gyoza with an Italian Twist

I found unagi gyoza on sale in a Japanese supermarket and was really excited, I’ve never seen gyoza with such a filling before and the ingredient list looked really good too - these included broiled eel, leek, cabbage, bonito stock, and sake. They were a tad expensive, but for the novelty value and the fact that I’d probably have to pay 3 times more for the same quantity in a restaurant I thought “Ah fuck it why not, it’s my birthday lol”. 

I initially didn’t think of doing too much with it, just the most basic steaming. But then I realised I didnt have any of the usual dipping vinegar to go with it, which was then I thought - why not try an alternative? Crema di Balsamico with its tangy-sweetness immediately came to my mind. And  then I went one step further by pan frying just the one side in butter, to get it crispy just like it’s sometimes sold outside. And to balance all this heartiness I had my very own homemade cucumber salad on the side, german-style(or at least, my interpretation of it). I really don’t think there is a need to go into lengthy detail on the how-to here. 

It turned out well, although I probably could have steamed the gyoza a tad longer. Moral of the story, look for alternatives when you don’t have something, the end result can be pleasantly surprising, as was the case here. The tangy-sweetness of the balsamico balanced the richness of the unagi nicely. 

Summer “Grilled” Prawn salad 

This, ladies and gentlemen and children (as Turkish airlines has the habit of announcing, which I find very cute lol) - is by far my pièce de résistance, at least for this Birthday Weekend Menu thingy. I’d two jumbo prawns leftover (of course this was planned), and I wanted to do something different from what I’d made with them the last meal (rich tomato-based pasta). I tried to think up antonyms to the adjectives I would use to describe that previous dish, and I came up with the words fruity and light and summerish. Not that tomatoes(as per the last dish) aren’t summerish, but in this one they’re left uncooked and refreshing. I’m rather proud to say that I came up with this one almost entirely by myself. 

Ingredients

-Jumbo Prawns; 2 

-Quinoa; 1 portion

-Cherry tomatoes; a handful 

-Mint; a few leaves

-Butter

-Orange-Pepper spice mix; 1-2 pinches 

-Pomegranate vinegar; a splash

-Mango vodka; 2-3 splashes

-Pepper-garlic spice mix 

-Crema di Balsamico

-Salt 

-Truffle olive oil / Any salad oil (e.g. pumpkin seed, walnut, olive)

Special Equipment

-Blowtorch 

-Container for shaping quinoa bed, shouldn’t measure more than a palm's width across. 

Instructions

1) Toast quinoa in pan with some butter till nearly golden brown, put in rice cooker with ratio 1:1.5 water to cook. Add 1-2 pinches of salt to water.

2) Halve cherry tomatoes. Set aside. 

3) Chop mint. Set aside. 

4) Clean and devein prawns. Remove sharp parts. Slice down middle. Season with pepper-garlic seasoning or any seasoning of choice. Rub with butter.

5) Put prawns in small, shallow dish with butter. Steam. WATCH CLOSELY. The moment the prawns turn pink, count to maybe 5 seconds and switch off the flame. They will still continue cooking a little. 

6) Pour a couple of splashes of mango vodka into the shallow dish, making sure it also touches the prawns. Use the blowtorch to blast the dish. The vodka should light up, as it did for me, and the bluish-orange flames will lick the prawns, charring them while infusing them with a smoky mango taste. The flames lasted nearly a minute in my case. When cooled, remove head. 

6) Quinoa should be done by this time. Put into shaping container. Add chopped mint, orange-pepper seasoning, truffle olive oil, pinch of salt, toss thoroughly. Use serving plate to cover container, and flip. The tossed quinoa should form a loosely-packed but relatively neat circle in the centre. Arrange the halved cherry tomatoes around it, and drizzle balsamico. 

7) Rest prawns atop quinoa bed. Try to arrange artistically. 

8) Drizzle pomegranate vinegar atop prawns and quinoa bed. Serve. 

Verdict: It was beyond amazing and honestly turned out way better than I had expected.I was worried it would somehow be too greasy/salty, but no! Everything blended exceedingly well together, complementing each other. The frutiness from the mango vodka, the orange-pepper seasoning and the pomegranate vinegar kept the salad light, and the shreds of mint leaves added a nice herbal edge to every bite. And the prawns. God the prawns. They were even more tender than the ones I’d made yesterday (probably because stricter time control, I literally turned off the flame the moment they fully turned pink). Crunchy yet tender. And the intermingling of the different flavours, oh so delightful. The balsamico on the side also added a nice dipping option for the already naturally very sweet prawns. 

This was easily one of my top ten best dishes I’ve ever made. And relatively easy even! Excluding cooking time for quinoa, it all took a maximum of 45 minutes. 

I had this with a pleasantly sweet bubbly Moscato d’Asti on the side. Perfection.  

Paneer Kebabs 

So, I was at the Indian superstore recently, and I finally managed to get what I’ve been meaning to for some time - paneer. I love palak paneer, I almost always get it when I go to an Indian restaurant. But I wanted to try cooking something different with it. Greek-turkish-italian influences came to my mind. Paneer reminds me somehow of feta and mozzarella, and I was initially going to do some version of a caprese salad, but instead of balsamico I use a honey-based dressing. But then I wanted to push things a bit further. So, here’s what I did:

Ingredients

-Goat butter; 2 dabs

-Cherry tomatoes; a handful

-Onion; quarter of a medium sized one 

-Paneer cubes; a handful

-Pepper-garlic seasoning

-Mini paprika; 1-2 

Special Equipment

-Skewers (the ones I found are actually meant for rouladen but hey, whatever works, right?)

Instructions

1) Halve cherry tomatoes. Slice mini paprika. Slice onions. Set aside. 

2) Heat up goat butter in pan till nearly sizzling. Put in paneer cubes.Let them fry, till they have a crispy exterior. Don’t forget to flip them. Add in onion slices halfway, if you’re a wuss like me who doesn’t eat raw onions. But they will probably be done before the paneer, so remove first, so that they don’t become too soft.  

2) When all paneer cubes are fried, remove from pan. Quickly throw in sliced paprika and tomatoes and toss them around in the browned goat butter to heat them up quickly. 

3) Skewer them in any order which you’d prefer. Drizzle balsamico over them for flavour balance to the greasiness. 

4) Serve with a refreshing salad on the side, in my case my homemade cucumber salad. 

Fun note: Goat butter loses its slightly off-putting goaty smell when it’s browned. Delectable.

I was initially tempted to just toss it all together as a kind of salad, but extravagant birthday me ruled against it, with the excuse that “when else are you gonna have the damn time/energy/will to do this fancy shit”. Skewering the different ingredients took longer than I expected, but the presentation was fun, added to the special factor. It was fun trying paneer like that, not drowned in curry but rather as a standalone thing almost. Had a rather nutty flavour, and went well with the juiciness of the tomatoes, sauteed onions and paprika. I still want to try the honey drizzle thing though. I think it’d be a bomb brunch thing. With sparkling wine on the side. Mmm. 

German Cucumber Salad 

Since it features so often as a side dish I might as well make a quick documentation of it. I always liked Gurkensalat when I was living in Germany, both the yoghurt as well as the clear version.  I was sad for a while that my current living places didn’t have this. But then I realised, wait a minute, this is actually really easy to make, lol. So, here goes:

Ingredients

-”Natural” yoghurt i.e. sour yoghurt, not any of that smooth sweet shit lol; 2 cups

-Japanese cucumber; 2 medium

-Sugar; 2 tablespoons (I used brown, but white is probably preferable because colour) 

-Onion; quarter of a medium-sized one

-Dill; 1.5 heaped tablespoons if dried

-Salt; a pinch 

Serves: 4-5 portions

Instructions

1) Thinly slice cucumbers and onions. I like mine really thin, like thinner than paper thin. I personally prefer the texture more when it’s like that.

2) Mix yoghurt with dill, sugar, salt.

3) Throw in cucumbers and onions. Mix. Hey presto it’s done. 

Note: I don’t add any other liquid, because the cucumbers release quite some water overnight, so that the next day the liquid component of the salad reaches a consistency that I find just right - thinner than yoghurt, but not watery. The spiciness of the raw onion is usually mellowed out a lot by the yoghurt. 

Usually stores for about a week I’d say. Perfect complement to any kind of greasy food, or even just as a refreshing snack really. 

So, that marks the end of this round’s Birthday Weekend Menu! I had so much fun thinking up recipe ideas based on whatever ingredients I had (yes, cherry tomatoes and balsamico feature a hell lot lol), guided by the principles of extravagance and flavourfulness. I did feel extra special eating them. Plating/Presentation really adds a lot to the dining experience. 

Next series of posts coming up will probably have to do with office lunches that can be served cool/room-temperature, because I have developed an aversion to the taste of microwave-heated food. Already drawn up a whole list of recipe ideas, can’t wait to try them!

[surveysonfleek]

967.

What was the last thing you ate and why? cheesecake. i hate cheesecake but there was some in the fridge so i tried it lol. What was the last thing you drank and why? water coz i was thirsty. How many tabs do you have open and what are they? five. i was watching captain america, then masterchef, then three tumblr tabs.

What browser do you prefer to use? chrome. What’re five random things on your desk besides any computer-related items? hand sanitizer, tissues, baby wipes, mirror and hair straightener.

What room are you in right now? my bedroom.

What color are the walls and floor in that room? grey. one is turquoise though. What kind of chair are you sitting in? my bed. Where would you prefer to be right now? i’m fine with being here or on vacation somewhere nice. Do you have any plans this weekend? nope. Are you excited for anything this month? it’s my boyfriend’s bday then dad’s bday. What’s the date today? may 8. Is there anything special about today? not really, i had the day off. Have you ever traveled outside of your home country? yes :) Can you speak, read and/or write in another language besides English? yes. What language course did you take in school, if any? our only option was italian. What language would you most like to learn? spanish. What grade are you in right now? none. i finished university awhile ago. What was you dream job when you were a little kid? actress or singer lol. i didn’t excel at either. Speaking of dreams, when was the last time you had a sleeping dream and what was it about? no idea, i neverrrr remember my dreams. Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? only if i really need to pee. What genre of books do you like to read? mysteries.  Do you prefer physical books or a Kindle, Nook or other e-reader? kindle. Did you ever sometimes flip through your text books even when you didn’t need to? sometimes, usually when i first got them. What types of magazines do you read? none anymore. Have you ever ordered anything through a catalog? nope. Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game? movie or tv show. What are five of your favorite TV shows? the office, game of thrones, superstore, rpdr and antm. Do you prefer to watch movies at home or to go out to the theater? at home. Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater? none. i’ll always have dinner beforehand. What genre of films do you like the best? i like a bit of everything. comedies, drama, action, animations etc. Do you like movies based off of books? i do but not always. it helps if i was already a fan of the book.