#banging my head against the wall i wanna live in the suburbs with him so badly

[ihatebnha]

please kiri really is bad, like imagine being in the same room with them and their feet? a persons worst nightmare. Don’t even need to interrogate villains, they just take off their shoes and that villain is spilling every secret he’s had since he was 7. But alas my love for bakugou unfortunately overcomes his stinky little feet. and youre 100% right. Bakugou is so clean like he has a little place for keys, and shoes right by the door, goes around grumbly fluffing couch pillows and picking up stray items left around the house. He’s got a little roomba that sero stuck googly eyes to and he gets so mad when it gets stuck. Especially when it says “roomba is stuck on a cliff.” he’s like “STUPID DRAMATIC LITTLE ROBOT PIECE OF SH-“ but he literally loves it. and all of the framed pictures he has are meticulously placed on the wall cute in a little even pattern that he literally measured to make sure they were all the same width apart. he def shows off his home to everyone who comes - foot anon

LMFAO what makes me laugh about kiri, too, is the fact that all his socks probably have holes in them, as well... so not only can he scare away villains but it's like... u don't even get a break from them at home bc even when they're covered up they're still getting some air like !!!😩😩😩!!!

but about bakugo, SO TRUE BESTIE! so true, god!!! esp w/ sero putting the googly eyes on the roomba. bakugo is most definitely the type of guy to be like... "hey. come look at this." when he just wants to show u the roomba doing a good job like LMFAOOOO???

also the picture thing is making me SCREAM. why do i lowkey love that for him........🥺

i know your point is neatness but also... the fact that i can see it so clearly and it means he likes having photos... AHHH i'm yelling thinking abt that he has pictures of u together up there too akdsjfjfasldk (and in his office, too)

either way.... i love clean men. I love men who will do the chores for you. I, too, love bakugo despite his stinky feet LOOOOL. and you too, anon.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred One: Underground ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Mikoto ] [ SasuHina, NaruSaku, vulgarity ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life] [ AO3 Link ]

“Yo Sasuke, Sasuke!”

Standing up from his crouched position, Sasuke perks a brow at the trio of people jogging toward him. “...hey.”

Practically starry eyed, Naruto reaches him first, ignoring the quite obvious signs that his friend is busy. What with the gloved hands, hat to shade his face, and the pile of weeds building up beside his mother’s flowerbed. “Dude. You gotta come with us.”

Dark eyes blink slowly. “...what?”

“So y’know how Sakura’s dad is a history buff, right? Well he was telling her about these super cool underground tunnels at the south end of town!”

Oh, he can see where this is going. “I’m not going spelunking into some dumb tunnels with you, moron.”

“Wait wait wait! They’re supposed t’be haunted!”

“...and that’s supposed to change my mind because…?”

Stepping up beside Naruto, Sakura folds her arms, cocking a hip. “Mostly it’s just something to do. You know, get out of the house and maybe get spooked? Why do you have to be such a spoilsport, Sasuke?”

“Cuz I’ve got better things to do than wander around in a bunch of tunnels which probably just echo funny and convince everyone they’re haunted,” he rebukes.

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Doesn’t matter what. Point is, I’m not going.” In truth...he doesn’t have anything specific to stop him from going. This just sounds...dumb.

...and he’s not afraid of ghosts. They aren’t real.

Naruto gives a loud, long groan, head craning back. “You’re so lame, Sasuke! We thought you’d wanna come along!”

“Have you done anything out of the ordinary yet this Summer?” Sakura asks, giving him a squinting look.

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“It means if you haven’t, you’re boring!”

“Like I give a sh-”

“Is he not coming…?”

It’s then the last of the trio steps up, expression looking a bit disappointed. Hinata’s pale eyes flicker between the duo and their friend.

“Apparently not,” Sakura huffs. “Not that I’m surprised. He never wants to do anything.”

“Such a stick in the mud,” Naruto agrees, going so far as to stick out his tongue.

“These two drag you into this?” Sasuke asks, addressing the Hyūga.

“Well, I...I thought it might be fun,” she replies softly, a hand fiddling with the hem of her hoodie. “It’s...something to do.”

“Turns out Hinata loves ghost stories!” Naruto offers, grinning.

“Says the scaredy cat,” Sasuke rebuffs, seeing the blond shrink.

“Hey man, I’m not one to just...not believe something! Just cuz you can’t prove it’s real doesn’t mean you can’t prove it’s not -”

“Makes me wonder why you’re agreeing to this in the first place,” Sasuke cuts back in, arms folding and leaning in with a perked brow. “If you’re so scared of ghosts, why go to a supposedly-haunted tunnel?”

“Hey, I - I’m not scared!”

“I have a video on my cell phone from last year’s haunted house that says otherwise,” the Uchiha taunts.

“Well everyone knows that stuff isn’t real! You’re supposed to get scared!”

“Okay guys, back on topic?” Sakura reminds them, giving each a scowling glance.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go…?” Hinata asks, looking to Sasuke with a hint of a hopeful expression. “It would be more fun with more people…”

“Yeah, and that way Hinata won’t have to third wheel it!” Naruto blurts before Sakura wrestles his mouth shut.

“You’re so rude!”

Hinata flinches a bit at the confrontation, looking more than a bit awkward. “That...that’s okay…”

Glancing to her, Sasuke weighs that particular tidbit. True, Naruto and Sakura started dating this Summer...much to the long-crushing Hyūga’s dismay. But it would appear she’s at least trying to keep up the friend group regardless, agreeing to go with them.

And no, he doesn’t want her just...stuck with the pair of them and being a dreaded third wheel. That’s just cruel.

...and...well…

Glancing aside with a sigh, Sasuke mutters, “All right...I’ll go.”

“Yeahhh!” Naruto whoops.

“When is this, exactly?”

“Tonight, duh! S’why we’re all here and ready!”

“...but it’s almost sundown…?” Sasuke asks, perking a brow.

“Well sure,” Naruto replies, leaning in with wriggling fingers. “What better time to explore a spoooky underground tunnel than after dark?!”

Sasuke deadpans with a sigh. “...a little more forewarning would’ve been nice…” He was doing yard work for his mom, after all.

“C’mon, man! Be spontaneous! Live life on the edge a little, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah...lemme go change and grab a flashlight.” And...tell his mother where he’s going.

Mikoto, to his surprise, perks up at the idea.

“Not gonna tell me it’s dangerous and stupid?” he drawls, putting fresh batteries into a flashlight she found for him.

“Not at all!” In fact, she gives him a coy grin. “That’s been a teenager hotspot since I was in school.”

“...you mean you’ve been down there?”

“...maybe,” she replies, grinning. “Back then, it was all the rage with the guys. They’d take girls they liked, and protect them from all the spooky sounds and such nonsense. Nothing builds a little atmosphere like your girl hiding in your arms from a distant wailing ghost, right?”

That earns a slow blink. “...you gotta be kidding.”

“I guess you’ll just have to find out,” Mikoto replies airily, leaving him to it. “Just be home before it gets too late, okay? I doubt there’s cell signal down there, so if you’re not home by, say...three, I’m coming to look for you.”

“Fair enough.” Screwing the cap back on the light and giving it a testing flicker, Sasuke mulls that over. Ghosts get you girls, huh…? Well, maybe…

“Oi!” Naruto calls from outside. “C’mon, man! It’s getting dark!”

Once united, the group makes their way across the suburb, sun sinking lower toward the horizon. Eventually they find the entrance Sakura describes, peering in

“...anyone else think it’s weird this isn’t, like...sealed off or something?” Sasuke asks.

“It was,” Sakura replies. “But kids kept finding ways in, so...they kinda gave up. There’s warning signs about liability and all that inside. There’s nothing really dangerous, but they have to cover their butts in case of like...a collapse or something.”

“Or a murderer hiding in here,” he deadpans.

The rosette rolls her eyes. “Come on, let’s go.”

All armed with flashlights...they make their way in.

Naruto and Sakura take point, light beams glazing over the stone walls.

“So...what was this used for?”

“A lot of things over the years. I won’t bore you with the history lesson, but apparently some people, like...lived in here at one point? Some say there’s been murders, which explains the ghosts, but...there’s no official documents. It’s all just myth and hearsay.”

“...uh huh.”

Hinata walks beside Sasuke, eyes round as she takes in the atmosphere. He keeps a careful eye on her, not sure what they might run -

“WAH!”

Startling, the group panic as sound suddenly fills the enclosed space, and something starts...moving?! Acting mostly out of reflex, Sasuke tugs Hinata to a wall, helping her crouch as dark flickering objects scurrying through the air back toward the door. Wait...those noises…?

“...bats!” he calls out, realizing what they’ve found. “It’s sundown, they head out this time of night!”

On the other wall, Sakura and Naruto seem to calm with the explanation, looking a bit sheepish. “Oh, uh…” Naruto, who’d been the one to holler, nervously rubs his neck. “...sorry.”

Sasuke just rolls his eyes.

“Thanks for, um...for getting me out of the way,” Hinata offers as they keep moving.

“No problem,” the Uchiha replies, trying to sound nonchalant. “They wouldn’t have hurt you, but best to stay out of the way.”

The group continues on a ways, and...well, not much really...happens.

“Man, if the scariest things down here are a bunch a’ bats, I’m gonna be pissed!” Naruto grumbles, still searching the dark nooks and crannies.

“It’s mostly things you hear, dofus,” Sakura cuts in. “So try being quiet, huh?”

“Both of you, shh!” Sasuke hisses.

The group freezes...listening…

...there, in the distance...a quiet, fluctuating sound can be heard. Almost like some kind of ghostly wail. A lamenting, melancholy noise that fades in, lilts...and then silences.

Everyone exchanges a silent glance.

“...y’know...maybe, uh...maybe we should -?”

Naruto’s suggestion is cut off by a loud bang, his arms immediately clinging to Sakura’s middle as though to climb her like a tree for safety.

Hinata, gasping and dropping her flashlight, stumbles into Sasuke’s side. With hardly a thought, he latches an arm around her, light searching the tunnel for a possible cause.

“Okay! Okay!” Naruto wheezes, still attached to his girlfriend. “This is - this is gettin’ a little, uh -?”

“Quiet,” Sasuke cuts in. “Your panicking is making it worse!”

“I-I think...we should go,” Hinata mumbles, a hand resting against Sasuke’s chest as she peers down the corridor. “What if - what if we’re not alone down here…?”

Doing his best to think past the fact that she’s touching him, Sasuke weighs their options. “...all right. Let’s head back.” Leaning, he picks up Hinata’s flickering flashlight. “I dunno if this thing is gonna -”

...all at once, all four lights go out.

Three of them scream, Sasuke flinching at the reverberating sounds.

“It’s a ghost!” Naruto screeches. “It took all the juice outta the batteries! We’re gonna die! We’re gonna -!”

Slapping his light against his thigh, Sasuke gives it a shake, and by some miracle, it comes back to life. “Okay, come on! Before something else goes wrong!”

At a dead run, the four of them take off back down the tunnel, stumbling and panting until they finally emerge out into cool, fresh air. Lungs gasping and postures all leaning over their knees, they struggle to calm.

“Holy shit…!” Naruto manages to wheeze. “Holy shit…”

“That was...the stupidest thing...you’ve ever had me do,” Sasuke retorts between breaths.

“What was that…” Sakura asks, recovering quickly and staring back into the tunnel. “I mean...the first sound might be wind from an opening, but...the slamming? Our lights…?”

“Nope...never again,” Naruto mumbles, tone bordering on a whine.

“...let’s go home,” Sasuke mutters.

“Hey, uh...can I stay at your place? My godfather’s outta town, and -?”

“Whatever. Just no keeping me up with your whining.”

“Maybe, uh...maybe I’ll stay too, if that’s okay…?” Sakura asks.

The Uchiha sighs. “Well shit, why don’t you all just stay, then?”

“It...it might be nice not to be, um...alone,” Hinata agrees quietly.

“...all right, fine. Let’s get going.”

Mikoto is still awake, the hour barely midnight when they show up. After a blink, she asks, “...that bad, huh?”

Sasuke just gives her a look. “...we’re having a sleepover.”

“...all right. I’ll make breakfast once you guys get up. I’d say wake up, but...something tells me you won’t be sleeping.”

“Ha, ha.”

They commandeer mattresses and couches in the living room, a lamp kept on in a corner. “Okay, just...try to sleep,” Sasuke offers from the floor, he and Naruto letting the girls have the softer cushions.

“Easier said than done,” Naruto mutters, burying under a blanket.

Time passes like molasses, Sasuke staring at the ceiling. Eventually, he hears Naruto snore, Sakura’s breathing quiet. Hinata, too, seems to finally calm enough to sleep. Glancing to her, Sasuke sees her hand hang over the edge.

For a moment, he hovers his own beneath it...then thinks better. She’d probably wake up and scream…

Scowling, he rolls over...and tries to get some rest.

                                                           .oOo.

     Oof, it's very late...I got a lil carried away, lol - and today was a long day, too.      A lil bit of teenage shenanigans. Maybe a tad unrealistic in some regards, but...meh, lol - we're gonna roll with it. Mikoto, apparently, knows all the tricks to get girls. Not that Sasuke wants one, psh...he was just...y'know...keeping an eye on his fellow third wheel.      That's all.      Aaanyway, I've got stuffs to do tomorrow, and III need some sleep! Thanks for reading~

[darcyfirth]

Hartwin fic recs (2/?)

[Long post]

These are lovingly saved in my laptop's Kindle and I love them dearly. It's umbrellas this time, glasses if I made part 3.

Authors' tagged tropes are included and I tried my best not to include spoilers. As usual my comments are in italics.  

☂️ Sparking - LapisLazuli. E, 2k. Traped in a closet trope. 

“Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while,” Harry whispers, calm as you please, as if Eggsy’s face isn’t pressed directly into the little hollow between his neck and his shoulder, as if Eggsy isn’t drowning in the fucking scent of his cologne, as if the fabric of his bespoke suit isn’t caressing Eggsy’s cheek like a goddamn lover.

☂️ Red Striped Ties - violentcheese. G, 1k. Red string of fate AU.

"Eggsy is the ragamuffin kid who refuses to stop hanging the Kingsman Tailor shop because he has a crush on Harry Hart, the owner."

Eggsy follows his string patiently. Harry ignores his.

☂️ You Get Up With Fleas - evil_brainmate. T, 74k. Corgi/prince!Eggsy. My first time prompting someone (with my old url) and the result is so much more than I expected.

Eggsy is a fairy prince, trapped in the human world and cursed to transform each day into a corgi. Harry Hart is a gentleman spy, and mortal, who picks him up thinking he's a stray. The two of them must work together to find a way to break the curse.

☂️ Paint With all the Colours of the Wind - Della19. G, 1k. Soulmates AU. 

Harry x Eggsy soulmate au where you only see colour once you meet your soulmate (so you don’t know them until you see them).

And it goes away when they die.

☂️ our vintage misery - fideliant. E, 23k. Pining, slow burn. 

hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out?

On a difficulty scale of one to saving the world, love shouldn't be this far off the charts.

☂️ into the wails of your windfight - fideliant. E, 8k. Pining. 

It takes a mission gone wrong for Eggsy to find out that even in real life, the dead don't always stay dead. Sometimes the movies get that part right, it would seem.

☂️ Class Of Conduct - fideliant. E, 13k. Slow burn. 

Or, Six Things Eggsy Has Learned About Being A Gentleman

“Lesson number one,” Harry says. “Manners matter.”

☂️ Random Access Memories - fideliant. E, 20k. Memory loss.

Having a supercomputer in your head isn't all that much to be cracked up about.

☂️ down dark tides the glory slides - fideliant. E, 23k. Pining, memory loss. 

You only ever truly hurt the ones you love.

☂️ Or Else - breakdancingfish. M, 4k.

Before they’re allowed to go out on their own, Eggsy and Roxy form a four person team with Harry and Merlin, completing several missions together. Oh, and Harry is the world’s biggest tease. Of course.

☂️ We Are Faking It - lokidiabolus. T, 62k. Fake relationship, slow burn.

For Eggsy it was a thing - he was taking from Harry enough, now was the time he should give something back. Even if it meant playing his lover to get the mission going and catch the culprit. Who would it be if not him, right? Right.

☂️ 57 Degrees. Precisely. - Galahard. M, 6k. Marine!Eggsy, texing, coffee shop AU.

In an alternate world Eggsy goes into the Marines, and stays in the Marines. This is a take on that au, though please forgive my lack of actual Marine knowledge. Also included: finicky coffee drinkers, texting addictions, and baristas with ulterior motives.

☂️ A Not So Lazy Evening - Galahard. E, 3k. Bottom!Harry, PWP. Really good read.

☂️ Vermillion - Galahard. E, 14k. Shy!Harry, slow burn.

He didn't know what to do with that. He didn't blush. He wasn't some teenager to be so affected by anything Eggsy did. Though really, he couldn't remember the last time he'd looked at someone and not pictured them in his bed but rather his dining room, chowing down on too sugary cereal while loudly revealing his plans for the day.

☂️ Soulmates - Galahard. 1k. Soulmates AU. How much do I adore this? A lot.

For Harry Hart's 16th birthday he not only gets his soul mark.

He gets a complete sentence.

☂️ Withdrawal - Saucery. T, 1k. Pining, finger kink.

Eggsy goes into withdrawal without Harry’s touch.

☂️ The Language of Flowers - Saucery. M, 1k. Flower shop AU, florist!Eggsy, lawyer!Harry, meet-cute, mutual pining.

Eggsy is a florist with an attitude. Harry is a lawyer with a conscience. Flowers bring them together.

☂️ The King’s Thief - twentyfourblackbirds. T, 8k.

"Harry," Eggsy said one day, while Harry was deep in a report about weapons smuggling in Ukraine. "I really fancy you." "Mmm-hmm," Harry responded, flipping to another chapter about airline safety standards in Indonesia. "If I had to say it," Eggsy mused, slightly put out, "I would, in fact, say that I am deeply, wildly, and madly in love with you." "That's very good, Eggsy," Harry said absentmindedly, scrawling his signature at the bottom of the paper. Eggsy sighed. "Sometimes, I might think you don't listen to a word I say."

☂️ Patience and Sheer Determinaiton - blacktofade. E, 47k. Fake relationship, prostitute!Eggsy.

Harry goes undercover to infiltrate the circle of a corrupt overlord and is given Eggsy, a young prostitute, as a token of goodwill. Harry has to live with Eggsy and keep him safe, while maintaining his cover.

☂️ Care and Custody - esama. T, 50k.

Eggsy takes out the medal in slightly worse circumstances, asking for a miracle.

☂️ How Eggsy Met Harry, As Told Through A Series of Soul Marks - thayde. 91k. Soulmates AU, WIP. I would warn you that this hasn't been updated for a long time now but if you have a brave heart then march on soldier.

Eggsy stares at the Mark on his chest sometimes, and wonders if his soulmate would ever settle for street trash like him.

☂️ Boyfriend Material - Deepdarkwaters. E, 3k. Mutual pining, oblivious!Eggsy.

"Are you a cigarette? Cos you're smoking hot and I wanna put your butt in my mouth."

☂️ Pig Latin - aerospaces. E, 10k. Fluff.

In Kenya, Eggsy falls off a flight of stairs. Or: lessons in cohabitation.

Eggsy discovers the joys of a home-cooked meal among many other things.

☂️ Considerably Less Cannibalism - LizaPod. E, 6k. Shaving, barebacking. This  one is the myth, the legend, the fic.

It is a real, physical struggle to not stare like a dogger while Harry shrugs off his jacket and undoes his collar, sets his signet ring aside. He has detailed, minutely detailed, fantasies about unbuttoning that fucking collar. At least he’s not wearing the holster right now, or Eggsy’d be sprung already. “It’s time you learned the fine art of the straight razor shave.”

Eggsy gives him his best you havin’ a fucking giggle, mate eyebrows. “Like Sweeney Todd?”

Harry’s sigh is just bordering on melodramatic, but he’s also got that odd— Roxy calls it enigmatic—smile he gets when Eggsy trots out some unexpected bit of culture. "Yes, Eggsy, like Sweeney Todd."

☂️ Kiss Me Now (before I can run) - persephoneggsy. M, 37k. Soulmates AU.

It wasn’t unusual, Eggsy told himself. There were plenty of people- just a little under half of the world’s population, really- that weren’t with their soulmates. Some of them just hadn’t met yet; others had died beforehand; and then there were the people in Eggsy’s situation. Sometimes people genuinely didn’t want their soulmates. Either they were in love with someone else, or they just didn’t like what they got stuck with, and Eggsy imagined the latter was very much the case with him and Harry. He couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have felt like for him, the world’s prime example of a posh bloke, to have his soulmate be some beaten-up kid. He would have rejected him too.

Or: soulmate AU where you know your soulmate from the moment you touch them, and when you do, their name gets written over your heart like a brand. But that's not always a guarantee.

☂️ “It suits you, you should keep it” - eggsystolemyhart. G, 600-ish.

"What...?"

"Pardon, Eggsy."

"What...?"

"Did you not hear me previously? I said it suits you, you should keep it."

"What...?"

☂️ Five Stars, Would Shag Again - EmmyAngua. E, 6k. Seduction.

This time, the penultimate task isn’t to seduce an heiress, it’s to seduce an agent. Merlin assures the final three that the agent is chosen entirely at random.

So of *course* it’s Harry.

☂️ are we human, or are we dynamite - randomhorse. M, 13k. Pacific Rim AU. 

It’s been seventeen years since Harry has lost his co-pilot Lee Unwin in the drift, and still the world won’t stop ending.

In the Hong Kong Shatterdome, Merlin is launching a new line of Kingsman Jaegers fit to fight Category 4 Kaijus emerging from the Breach.

In the suburbs of London, Eggsy Unwin gets the draft for Jaeger Academy.

☂️ who got the keys to my bimmer - hartwinning. M, 69k. Mutual pining, mechanic!Eggsy, UST, slow burn.

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?"

Harry gives him a slightly bewildered look and furrows his brow.

"A porcupine has the pricks on the outside," Eggsy finishes.

☂️ hold courage to your chest - Fahye. E, 46k. I adore this.

Eggsy slumps against the wall, feeling every bruise like it's new, and tells the truth.

"You want to make sure I jump when I'm told?" he demands. "It'd better be you doing the telling, Harry."

☂️ Bang to Rights - concernedlily. E, 17k. Police AU.

Constable Unwin never met a tailor before, but he knows this bloke who keeps turning up at his crime scenes ain't one.

☂️ Breakeven - theshizniiit (orphan_account). E, 85k. Omega!Harry, mpreg.

When Harry walked inside the church (and then out of it, and right into Valentine's bullet) he didn't know he was pregnant.

And now he's back from the dead. This time, with an extra passenger and quite a few problems.

☂️ The New Age - DivineProjectZero. Soulmates AU.

It starts with being cursed.

No, scratch that. It starts with a garden and a serpent. And no, it goes a little differently from what you’d think.

☂️ You Are Beautiful - Sheepie. G, 8k. Coffee shop AU.

Eggsy Unwin works as a barista at the Suited Bean. He's been in love with regular customer Harry Hart for a long time, but he never said anything. Who would want to date someone his size? But Harry sees nothing wrong with the way Eggsy looks.

☂️ Couple of (Couples) Mugs - ilokheimsins. T, 2k. Fluff. 

Harry and Eggsy absolutely do not have couples mugs that proclaim their love for one another. Harry is about 70 percent sure of this.

☂️ Gimme All Your Love - midnightsurge. M, 11k. Fireman!Eggsy, rimming.

“Sorry,” a soothing, male voice started hesitantly, “but… didn’ I pull you out of a burnin’ building a few weeks ago?”

Harry nearly choked on his drink as the question registered in his mind, his brown eyes flicking to the side to confirm that, yes indeed, it was Eggsy standing there with wide eyes.

“Fuck, sorry!” Eggsy apologised profusely as he held his hands up, wanting to help but unsure how to do so. “Ain’t meant to startle you!”

Or

Eggsy is a fireman. He saves Harry's life when a mission goes awry. A few weeks later, they meet again.

☂️ Rules of Insanity - inthepapers3times. E, 54k. Dark!Eggsy. 

The worst mistake of Harry Hart’s life started like many of the minor mistakes he had made: with a one night stand. If only he had taken the taxi all the way to his house. Maybe then he wouldn't have met this particular young man, and he wouldn't have taken him home. Maybe then all of this could have been avoided.

Harry gets pulled into a dangerous game with Gary, a disturbed man he barely knows, and has no choice but to play along.

Gary is in control completely. He makes the rules. Harry is just forced to follow them.

☂️ dig in your fingers - kirkaut. E, 42k. First time, body worship.

The lack of a silver suppository has set Eggsy upon a certain path. The way that Eggsy looks, dripping wet and half naked, sets Harry on another.

(Or: Total Canon Re-Write, aka The One Where Harry's Libido Saves His Life)

☂️ sins without tragedies - kingstier. T, 11k. 5 + 1. Fake marriage.

"Harry, are we married?"

"Aren't we?"

Or, the five times they're practically married and the one time they're not (yet).

☂️ 5 Knots Harry made + 1 Knot Eggsy tied - therune. T, 2k. 5 + 1. I love this immensely!

Whenever Eggsy gets dressed in his suit he purposefully skips a button or struggles with his tie so that Harry is forced to step into his personal space and fix it for him.

☂️ Like Real People Do - coloursflyaway. T, 3k. 5 + 1. Undercover, first kiss.

Five times Eggsy called Harry a pet name, and one time Harry called Eggsy one.