#autistic people who call other people the r slur are always like this and then go ‘but I’m autistic I can say it!!!’ and they’re just-

[pokemon-radical-red]

As much as I like that people are trying to end the idea that all autistic people are incredibly different from allistic people and struggle with things that allistic people do easily and that you can easily spot that someone’s autistic within one conversation, sometimes I think that people recently have been taking it too far, insisting that NO autistic person is like that, which is just not true. Some of us have a lot of trouble with little things. Some of us can’t mask at all. Some of us don’t really fit into allistic society.

I feel like the rhetoric that all autistic people are super capable and just like allistic people other than a few minor differences that don’t even negatively impact the lives of the autistic people can lead to a lot of ableism. Especially from allistic people who realize that they should learn from autistic people and then end up seeing stuff like this, and then these allistic people start downplaying autistic people who can’t do as much or insisting that of course they can do it, they just need to try harder. Even some autistic people do this, wondering why those of us who have more trouble can’t do all of the things that they can do easily. Autism impacts some people’s lives heavily, and I hate how a lot of people completely erase us so that people will perceive them as better.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

TL;DR: AITA for using slurs to try and take them back?

Kindly asking people who arent queer or have autism/adhd ect not to vote

I have autism, Adhd, BPD and am a lesbian genderfluid person. I found out a while ago that theres people who actually try and take back words so they can't really be used against the people it was used against anymore. For example. The r word and the f word (not fuck, The other one)

I've been using them more lately to try and take em back, Yknow? I don't see anything wrong with it since I myself am autistic and apart of the lgbtq. I use it in arguments, I use it against my friends when we're playing around and pretending to be mad, And I even use it against myself at times calling myself yknow, A f and r word. I don't wanna say the actual things here incase it triggers anyone reading.

I always tag it correctly if its online or public, And I don't use them in every argument, Only if they started using stuff like that first. It's never been a problem, Until as of late. We made a new friend and they told me that I have no right to use those words, And that I'm hurting real autistic people and gay people [I don't know if they were implying I'm faking? I've been diagnosed by multiple doctors when I was little for the nerodivergency, And I've always liked using different pronouns and women since I remember]

It's begun to kinda tear our friend group apart. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, I'm trying to take it back so it can be come as useless as any insult like stupid or ugly. I want to make it more normalized so it cant hurt anyone anymore

Some still agree that I'm not really hurting anyone but now a few of my friends say until I stop they want nothing to do with me. I'm fine with not saying it around them if it makes them uncomfortable, But they say I need to stop for good.

AITA for saying these, And WIBTA for not stopping in general instead of just around them?

I'll put the word to search here incase I want this deleted

"plagiarize"

Just a note about that last line: please do not submit things intending to have them deleted later. Deleting posts is a courtesy I offer in case it becomes too dangerous or painful to have up, not something you should be planning for when you submit it.

What are these acronyms?

[heartshapedconchas]

okay..hi. i know i haven’t updated my fanfic in literal months, but that is NOT what is important right now.

first of all, what the hell is wrong with you all?? threatening black authors&readers and calling them slurs because they ask for more inclusiveness?? fuck all of you.

Second, im going to give my piece of mind with the whole situation that is happening. Mind you i am a high femme, brown lesbian who has been masculinized most of her life. Now, correct me if i’m wrong, but some people (mainly non white/black users) are calling out some white authors on centering their reader inserts on whiteness. I understand this , again as a brown woman, who has found it difficult since I began reading self insert fanfics at like..9 years old.

However.

Something that is.. bewildering to me that I’ve seen brought up in this conversation is how .. the readers being hyperfeminine and whatnot somehow… makes it not relatable to people of color, SPECIFICALLY women of color; because of the history of them being masculinized.

This is so incredibly confusing to me cuz again,,, for me as a very femme brown woman who has been nothing but masculinized her whole life … has never felt alienated by these femme characters. Ever. In fact they make me feel more included because god it feels good to be feminine and not have that denied, even in fanfics. From my perspective; if you feel as if these femme characters only represent white ones— are you not upholding the exact stereotype that has been given to women of color for years?

This is just my opinion though; you are free to believe whatever you believe in and express how you feel (without attacking and siccing your followers onto whoever you’re speaking on).

In my writing I will always try my best to make all woc/poc feel included. If at some point I’m not doing that, i’m trying to make my fellow brown women feel included (as even though there has been an influx of non white writings as of late, the majority I see are black readers).

To all the white writers out there, try and leave your descriptions of the reader to a minimum of exclusivity. While you don’t have to make your reader insert obviously a woman of color, don’t make them obviously a white women either.

Personally I think we should leave the race specific fanfics to the people of that race. Because what white woman is gonna write a brown latina fanfic the accurate way and in a way I would enjoy? Write your fanfics in a race neutral manner, and to all the writers of color out there — write your fanfics race specific if you want to!

To my fellow authors and readers of color, speak about your concerns of inclusivity in our community! You have the right to speak your mind. Just please, please do not speak about authors in an ill manner if they haven’t done anything horribly, absolutely wrong. Critique them. Give advice. They can only learn if you give them room to grow.

And for both parties, please for the love of god; don’t allow people to send r*pe threats or call them slurs. Regardless of your race or what “side” you are on, no one deserves that. Elskittie didn’t deserve it earlier on, MULTIPLE black authors/readers don’t deserve it now. Be kind , fucking respect each other. Be fucking mature enough to have conversations about this instead of childish fights.

Oh and one more thing, please absolutely just tell me if i’m misinterpreting something in this post at all! This is from my perspective as a brown woman of color. And also i’m 95% sure i’m autistic. I have a hard time understanding things sometimes and just need it put in simpler terms :) don’t be an asshole and just kindly explain! thank u! 💗

[onthevirgooftears]

i think that hu is abelist/her behaviour is abelist (unintentionally of course)

i want to paraphrase this by saying that im autistic and have personal experience with casual ableism + ableism that very clearly wasn't intentional but still harmful.

the thing about hu is that she wants to be important and she wants to be a part of people's lives. she doesn't want to be someone you say hello to and never see again, she wants to insert herself into the lives of people she cares about which isn't necessarily wrong but i think that her relationship with nico is where it shows how misguided it can get.

in my opinion, i think nico is autistic and i think that hu sees these autistic traits as innocence rather than for what it actually is. there have been countless times where nico has shown that they aren't stupid and that they don't need to be coddled and even if they hadn't i still don't think it's right to treat someone like they simply don't understand what they're doing.

i think that's the problem with their relationship, hu treats nico like they don't know what they're doing or saying or talking about and tries to save face for things that nico is deliberately doing and/or saying. that's kind of the point, hu doesn't treat anyone else in the cast like that, she's protective, yes, but she isn't overbearing. she talks to the rest of the cast like they're her friends even during the moments when she's defending them.

it comes down to the fact that she acts like nicos mother rather than their friend (which is what she should be doing btw 💀 during the nico-ace situation what they needed was a friend, as i said, they don't need to be coddled and treated like a child.)

anyways, i don't think people who aren't autistic should be saying she isn't abelist 😭 I'm always up for hearing the opinions of other autistic people because maybe my view of things is skewed. but i do think that abelism isn't just like, blatantly calling someone the r slur, it can be (and is in this case) acting like we're stupid and like we don't understand basic things, defending us as though we don't have the mental capacity to do it ourselves.

i also don't think hu is doing it intentionally (i cannot stress this enough!!!) she is trying to help, she isn't being dehumanising on purpose and i think twisting it into something it's not is such a deterrent to her character. she's a good person but as i said, i just think she's misguided when it comes to this specifically.

[nothing0fnothing]

Genuine question. Besides the validity of the term (which may completely be the case), isn't it more useful to use a less convoluted term? It's not a lie that people are = Narcissistic abuse with NPD people being abusive (some people are even extending that to the point that they talk about other cluster b abuse as "borderline abuse", "antisocial abuse", etc, and the narcabuse subreddit cited as a rule to not interact if you have NPD or another cluster).

We have done this several times in psychiatry, we don't say Asperger's anymore, ASPD is not labeled sociopathy anymore, and hell, we do not call high functioning autism "autistic psychopathy" anymore. Wouldn't something descriptive of self indulgence lead to less confusion?

Honestly I think you're hitting something really solidly here. The problem isn't "narcissistic abuse is accusing all narcissists of abuse" the problem is why the fuck is your disorder called narcissistic personality disorder?

Like it wouldn't be the first time just the field of clinical psychology was an absolute mess about naming disorders. Some highlights include aspergers, sociopathy, hysteria, that whole period of not-so-distant history where the r slur was just.. the clinically correct name for some people... like...

All I'm saying is it wouldn't be the first time psychology named a disorder something horrible and we went along with it till we learned better.

Like people are always super mad at us for using the term narcissistic as if we are literally sluring the people with NPD, but the problem isn't misusing the name of the disorder, the problem is the disorder has a fucked up name, and we should probably be at least opening up a discussion about changing it.

I think we are at a fork in the road in the field of experimental psychology and it needs to be decided soon: Is practise is here to help make people happy or to pathologise people who aren't? Because there's only so much better we can expect a person to get if we are noticing that they struggle with a broken sense of self and a crippling low self esteem and decide to call that state of existence, essentially "Incurable Egomania".

[starry-eyed-fag]

Would unironically love to see a writeup about the anti-rpf movement and how it connects to ableism. Homophobia I can kind of see, people seem to take way more issue with m/m rpf than of f/m from what i've seen, especially in classic rock. But ableism? (Genuine curiosity btw! )

-a curious rpf lover

so i normally don't get into shipcourse, but this is something I actually feel passionate about. RPF writers and readers are attacked for a lot of reasons, some of them fair and a matter of personal opinion, a lot of them very obviously bigoted. (also I will be reblogging this on my discourse blog @political-faggotry, if you want to send me asks in response to this post send them there!)

People take way more issue with m/m and f/f RPF than m/f RPF, as you said. This is because fanfiction and other forms of "shitty literature" have always been associated with queer people. This has been the case since at least the 1960s, when queer authors were forced to write shitty tragic stories that can't really be classified as love stories in order to have their stories told at all. A lot of queer-coded media was like this too, and cishet people caught on.

My informed opinion is that modern-day RPF was created because of an intersection of neurodivergence and queerness. Basically, ND queer people who felt out of place in society came together and formed fandoms around bands, actors, celebs, etc. Due to the increasing popularity of fanfiction in the 2000s, it was only natural that this would eventually bleed into fandoms of bands.

I think that the reason that M/M RPF fic was/is so popular is because of the trans eggs in fandom that 1) liked to project onto male characters and 2) viewed women as competition. Back when I was an egg, this was definitely what drew me to RPF. I did not like reading about Pete Wentz with his actual girlfriend, or with some female OC, I liked reading about him with a man I could project onto and who didn't feel like competition.

Anti-RPF "movements" during the 2000s was very obviously homophobic, misogynistic, and transphobic. Readers & writers would regularly get called homophobic slurs, get misogynist and transandrophobic comments, and otherwise be attacked for being queer and/or perceived female.

In the late 2010s was when the rise of calling things "problematic" because cringe culture died truly happened. Instead of saying "I don't like what you write because you're a faggot", people would say "actually you're problematic for writing that". It was literally the same shit we would get told in the 2000s, replacing words like "faggot" and the r-slur with "problematic".

I'm not saying that all people who call media problematic are like this - far from it. I call some media problematic too! However, media perceived as queer was targeted with accusations of being problematic far more than media without queerness attached, and many people who were already homophobic used this as an excuse to be homophobic while still being seen as "progressive".

I have an entire other rant about how non-MLM "progressives" can be and are homophobic sometimes, but I don't really have the spoons to write all that out right now - I will do it later though!

It would be misleading of me to not also talk about how TEHMs played a big part in the homophobia and transphobia that was directed at the (queer) RPF community. For those unaware, TEHM stands for Trans Exclusionary Homosexual Male. They are basically the TERF lesbians of the MLM gay community. They believe that gay trans men, especially nonbinary trans men and autistic trans men, are straight female fetishizers trying to invade the gay community.

TEHMs often come after transmasculine fans of yaoi anime, queer fanfiction, and yes, RPF. TEHMs will claim that the fact that transmasculine people tend to be in fandoms with a lot of M/M ships somehow "proves" that we are just fetishizing. So. Fucking. Many. Of the most common anti-RPF arguments use TEHM talking points, either intentionally or unintentionally.

TEHMs make use of dogwhistles to spread their messages even to people who are often trans-inclusionary. Claims of fetishizing MLM relationships are more often than not TEHM dogwhistles. A very common claim that I see among people who are VERY anti-RPF (not as in "i do not think RPF is good, but i don't really care all that much", but more as in "if you have ever read RPF in your life you should die") is that RPF is basically sexual assault.

Why would you accuse an entire fandom of young, queer, transmasculine people of sexually assaulting people who are usually 20+ years older than them? This is TEHM rhetoric.

I also want to touch on the ableism a little. Many RPF writers are neurodivergent, as one might expect. The majority of the ones I've interacted with are. The internet loves to get mad at neurodivergent people for having "problematic" interests, and with RPF it is no different.

We are singled out and our interests are seen as inherently disordered, immoral, etc. Those who are very strongly against RPF either do not know this, or they know this and are fine with harassing neurodivergent people over what amounts to a non-issue.

Now, that's the end of my point, but I have a few things to clarify. I am not trying to say that if you personally don't like RPF that you are actually transphobic, homophobic, and/or ableist. You are allowed to dislike anything for any reason and I don't care. My problem is with the people who hate RPF so much that they believe that reading it is a moral failing, or that it is okay to harass those that like it.

It is incredibly important to have boundaries writing RPF, which means not doing it anywhere that it is likely the people you are writing about will see. It is also okay to believe that RPF is inherently breaking a boundary; I disagree, but I see where your (not at anon) opinion is coming from and I respect it. It is not at all bigoted to dislike a thing for those reasons, as they are valid reasons to dislike something.

There is also a larger discussion to be had about the commodification of humans themselves in the music industry, but that is beyond the scope of this post.

I really only have a problem with the people who believe that it is a moral failing, or literal sexual assault, to be in a mostly harmless community that has been historically associated with queerness. That is all.

Please don't bring proship/anti discourse to this post.

[opossum-dyke]

Thoughts on self diagnosed autistics (a love letter)

By the way this post isn't made so someone can debate me this is me screaming my feelings into the void

I support self diagnosed autistics, I always will, the reasons are so clear to me. Everything medical, including diagnosis is so damn expensive, doctors so commonly don't believe people or gaslight people, even more so AFABs and people of color... Im not here to debate this.

Any complaint like that people are doing it for attention or taking resources or something??? I just cannot care in comparison to my childhood... Neurodiversity acceptance is in the process of happening, many people knowing their autistic is NOT a bad thing.

I was diagnosed at 9 but it was kept a secret from me until I was 14. And that entire time I thought I was the only one in the universe "like this" I truly thought I was an unlovable freak, I thought nobody would ever want to actually be friends with me (as opposed to fake friends who called me the R slur) all of that was traumatic. I cannot stress how much I LITERALLY thought I was alone in the world, and the self-hatred that came with the ableism I was raised with.

It sent my life on a whole different trajectory just learning that other autistic people existed in the world with me.

And compared to the isolation in my childhood I know many autistic people now, and its wonderful! Truly, I am not alone!

I love you, my self diagnosed siblings!

You bring light into a deep cave I thought I would die in.

I have cried tears of joy many times knowing I am not the only one on the planet with a mind like this.

I adore my self diagnosed friends.

I feel a joy that I never want to let go of from knowing you're with me, knowing you're fighting ableism with me.

And seeing how much change has already happened compared to my childhood full of ableism when my mind was treated like a shameful secret, it's because our efforts together.

I love you, self diagnosed Autistic/ADHD/neurodivergent friends.

I am not alone, and you are not alone either. I will always stand with you.

[menheraprince]

My Life With Bipolar Disorder as Lifestyle Jirai

Hi there. My name is Amy, I go by they/them, I'm 22, I like to wear Jirai Kei (mainly Subcul), and I was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder back in March. I was diagnosed with autism and an anxiety disorder when I was really young, I've been hospitalized twice for depressive episodes, I'm a self-h*rmer struggling to recover, and I'm healing from a lot of trauma done to me by my sperm donor. I also struggle with my body image, but I don't have an ED. Some of the stuff I'm proud of, some of them not. What I do know is that I'm just a blob with intense emotions and I can't control them.

I've always been open about my struggles with mental health. But in return, I've had a lot of people on Facebook telling me natsy phrases and words towards me. Like that I'm too much, that I need to go to therapy, that I'm "obsessed". I've also been called a lot of names like succubus, blister, toxic, manipulative, and even the R slur. There's was even one older guy who harassed me for months through email who thinks that I should go to ABA (which you should never wish onto an openly autistic person) and should "act more mature for my age" because I told him how toxic he was to me. He also tried to gaslight me by taking my mom's email towards him against me, saying that she praised him when it wasn't at him directly. Good news is that he has stopped sending me emails and life can get back to normal (for me) again.

How this all relates to Jirai Kei is that I personally identify as a Lifestyle Jirai, mainly due to my issues with my mental health. However, I don't want people to get the wrong idea about what I wear and what I struggle with. I didn't come into the lifestyle because I was mentally ill, it certainly helps with the label but that's not the reason. I really liked the clothing and the makeup that went with it. I was told by a few people who are against the name "Jirai Kei" that they thought I'd be perpetuating a negative stereotype of Japanese women, when I have a mental illness myself. Which is really funny in retrospect because these people thought they can control what I wear. I like to call these sorts of people, the "girly kei police", who think that all of Jirai Kei is Girly fashion (usually the kei prefix that really didn't exist for the fashion) and ignores the Subcul Jirai and Tenshi Kaiwai movements.

Speaking of which, I like to wear Subcul. I'd describe it as a mix of Goth Punk and Menhera. However, it's not commonly seen as a "jirai kei" fashion style in the west (mainly from the GKP), but it's currently popular in Japan. I hope to see other Subcul wearers on the internet because there's more to Jirai Kei than the classic look of pink and black. I like to wear a lot of purple, blue and black in my looks especially with teddy bear t-shirts and oversized hoodies. I currently own pieces from Amilige, Noemie, and Sureve in terms of Subcul stuff, but I'm looking to add more brands like Travas Tokyo if I can. I also own a purple DearMyLoveWhip dress and a Sureve dress for some Girly looks, which I wish to get more of too as I'm plus sized.

[ashwithapen]

dearest little sister,

(CW for referenced/implied self-harm, (underage) alcohol abuse, referenced/implied suicidal ideation, brief use of f slur, r slur, and t slur)

i realised, very recently, that as the older of us two, i am the one who is going to have to be proud of you. 

i know, our age difference isn't staggering, but those, what, two years, four months, and two weeks between us is all the difference in the world sometimes. i wonder, deludedly, in the dark of the nights, if it's our age that made me gay and you straight, and me trans and you cis, and me autistic and you not, and me a redhead and you a brunette. two years, four months, and two weeks, and somehow, despite us being siblings, i have never known two so dissimilar people. 

i see you, 14 years old, and i see your 15th birthday coming up in a little less than two months. i see you and your trendy cropped tank tops and your loose-fitting jean shorts. i see your tan lines and your mascara and your colour-changing lights. i see you and your mannerisms and your diction and your dances. i see the way you smile and frown, for nobody, and for everybody, but seemingly never for yourself. 

i've wondered, over this past year, how you've been so happy, and so successful, and so okay with yourself all this time, never faltering. when i was your age, it was screwdrivers and pencil sharpeners colliding atop the ledge of my shower, greedy, desperate fingers twisting and turning and pulling until silver lept free and fell harshly across my skin the night before halloween. when i was your age, it was the taste of vodka that knew me best, that outlined my midmornings and evenings and late nights and midmornings again and again for the better part of two years. when i was your age, it was instagram group chats with other fangirls who also fancied the idea of death. it was therapy sessions with a woman i didn't like, and forgotten homework that played ocean and tried to drown me repeatedly, and hoodies in the summertime, and realising that christmas lights didn't make me smile anymore. 

i wondered, recently. if maybe you are less okay too, but just in your own way. i talked to a boy who plays golf with you. i asked him: "weird question, but how is my sister?" because i didn't really know, not for lack of trying. i think that's what made me ask: every time my question was directed to you, you would ignore me or, more commonly, tell me to kill myself. when i brought that up to the golf boy, who called you his little sister, he laughed, and the girl sitting beside him—a friend of mine—looked up and seemed taken aback. even with all the wildest stories she'd told me about her own family, somehow she said mine was the worse.

i didn't know it was that bad. 

i thought it was normal between us. i thought we were the same as other siblings and i thought that their banter of "but we love each other, really" was only that—banter. a joke with linked limbs and cheesy smiles for the camera accompanied by our own similar brushing off of 'dust' and fixing of clothes afterwards. i didn't think it was unusual for your sister to actually hate you.

but also, i've always hoped, ever since you learnt some choice slurs, that really you did love me, deep down. i hoped, maybe even assumed, that your curled lip and scrunched nose that came for free with every glance you tossed me over your shoulder was just the same as your tank tops and jeans: something that, as a straight, cis, newly teenage girl was necessary for you to wear. then, when i let it slip two weeks later in a park with some other boys that you liked calling me a faggot, they looked surprised and mad and put off in a matter of moments. i had thought you still loved me despite it all, but they said it right there and then how uncool that was. "family doesn't do that shit."

i was glad for the dark; i could have cried, bowing my head as they backed me up out loud, smoke spilling from their lips between remarks. she still loves me, i thought silently, stubbornly. "she's just a kid," i said as if it was some god-compelling excuse. when they heard she was fourteen, they exchanged a certain glance and my heart sunk lower. and that was before i told them about the death threats, the sharpness of her nails, the other words that i'd never heard fall from her lips until after she learnt that i was trans and that i was autistic and that i was just a little bit different from her. 

and so i'm stuck. i want to believe that how you hate me is the same as everyone else: that you don't actually hate me and truly love me deep, deep down, and also that everything you've done to me is just a right-now-teenage-phase thing that's been going on for the last 3 years. 

i wonder, writing this now, where an 11-year-old learnt to be so determinedly hateful. we live together, we went to the same school, and even share some of the same friends. who taught my own sister that who i am is something sinful?

you won't read this. you don't believe in reading unless it's the bible nowadays. 

you may never change your mind. you may never get past this moment, and there may come a day, frighteningly soon, that ends up being the last time i ever see you as i prepare for university a year from now and you try for your early golf scholarships. i need to come to terms with the fact that i may never have a relationship with my sister, i guess. and what a thing to admit to myself!

know that i don't say this to guilt you or to pitty myself. i only wrote this because i saw a video of an older sister reacting to her younger sister's wedding dress for the first time and i realised that, more likely than not, at least as things stand now, there is a good chance that i won't see you get married, and neither you, i. i probably won't get to see you slowly walk down the aisle and be proud of you. you would never invite the retarded, faggot, tranny to your perfect wedding. and i'm not going to marry, not that you'd rsvp. 

i hope you look stunning in your dress when the time comes, little sister. i hope that you really love him and that he makes you happy and treats you well. i hope that i'm wrong and you don't hate me, that i'm right and you do love me. i hope you are okay, now and for the rest of your life, because for as shitty as i've gone through and for as shitty as you treat me, i can't help but care for you, and i will never hate you back.

that's all.

all the best,

[burning-sol]

oh yeag. yesterday xander was looking through stuff and i saw this one take on disorder cringe that was "you cannot mask without realising, masking is a choice" which is NOT fucking true. i have to be *told* im masking or wait until i start hitting points of dysfunction to realise what's happening. all the time. like it's actually a huge issue. i spend a lot of time wondering if im even autistic because i don't feel like i act like everyone else, even if i know i don't act allistic either.

and there was also this other take like "you shouldn't act differently for assessments, the psych will know if you have the disorder or not" which is NOT fucking true. this ignores the ableism and frankly the many not good psychs in the field. there are many neurodivergents that get treated like shit and are told they're faking, so they get turned away without the diagnosis they need. so what happens if your disorder is disabling and you need government benefits but you can only access said benefits with a diagnosis? do i want to risk not getting the benefits i might direly need, or do i tell them what they want to hear? for some, it is an obvious choice.

honestly, we looked through quite a few posts and it really gets on your nerves when people are just blatantly ableist, close minded, and obviously privileged- then they act like they're good people and on the side of neurodivergents. like oh, you've got some fucking BALLZ acting like an angel after i saw multiple r-slur drops. also, i just don't think it's cool to go around questioning someone's mental disorder regardless of how fake they seem. just correct people when they spread misinformation and leave them be.

some of the "obviously fake" people people point out, usually they're just cringey and/or fat and/or something else. at worst, you just end up pointing to the ppl with neurodivergencies they can't hide, who would definitely have it rougher than what i do. people already treat you like shit even if you're one of the "sane" neurodivergents, can you imagine what you get treated like when you can't appear even slightly normal? calling people fakers is insensitive and cruel at best, at worst you're straight up harassing the people you claim you're standing for.

people who go looking for "fakers" to cringe at have been wrong in the past, and they're still wrong, and they'll always be wrong.

[noriyucko]

i know that the gays all love their little reclaimed slurs and its a lot of fun BUT heres a thought: maybe be wary of other gays who may not be comfortable with them in any form? ooh yeah i know big controversial opinion. but also whats the deal with hating on people IN THE COMMUNITY that dont enjoy getting called that stuff, cuz ive known too many people who got mad when lightly confronted abt it.

sorry that i dont wanna go to school to just talk to one of my friends and then have a baby gay come over to say that i smell like a f*g just bc they saw me wearing a little pride pin and then later keep saying horrible shit about “people who dont like the f slur”(true story)

i dont say the f and t slurs, but i understand reclaiming and im like normally completely fine with seeing people just say it in passing and on posts and whatnot but the audacity to get mad at a person for being like “hey im uncomfortable hearing/being called the f slur can you please not say it (or at least not as much)

when i met my irl friends who were 100% definitely also neurodivergent theyd from time to time say the r slur and i was just like “hey can you not say that it makes me really uncomfortable since im autistic, always feels targeted towards me no matter who or the context” and you know what they did? EASILY stopped saying it, at least around me.

meanwhile anyone in the lgbt asks “hey can you guys not say the f or t slurs around me” and its something bad?? only arguments ive seen against it have basically just been “let me say slurs” no ones stopping you from saying it??? some people just simply dont wanna hear slurs and theres so many possible reasons why so why does it become an argument when someone just. wants normal boundaries. like its insane

oh nooo not the most commonly taught childhood lesson: be mindful of other people?? i cant believe that other people in a marginalized community maybe WOULDNT like to be called a slur historically used against people in our group!! i cant believe that other people would have different experiences with things from me that could cause them to not like the same things as me!!!

[soloh]

Right, so here's an elaboration of what I was feeling last night re: Neurodivergency. Long story short, I used to be a right prick about things like self diagnosis, to the point where as a teenager I made an incredibly ableist anti-self dx post on here using an awful slur (and instead of just saying, omg I didn't know it was a slur I just thought it was a run of the mill insult akin to calling someone a walnut brain when they're being ignorant, I doubled down and tried to argue it wasn't a slur 🤦‍♀️ It is. I'm not even going to hint at what it was, just know it was bad) and it's been years and I still feel horribly guilty about it, and the people who called me out on it, unfollowed and/or blocked me were 100% correct in doing so, because while I was a teenager, I was still old enough to know better.

But anyway, as I've gotten older and realised the diagnoses I was given as a teen don't quite explain everything, and accepted that I most likely am autistic (possibly AuDHD, but I'm not quite as confident about the adhd part), and tried to seek official assessment and diagnosis, obviously I've discovered that as an adult in Aotearoa, that's a shit show. Every qualified professional in my region is booked out to a point they're not even accepting waitlist additions, and assessment costs range from about $1000-$2000. I've pretty much given up on getting a dx at this point, at least for the interim.

But after talking to my friend last night and his diagnostic process and what he and his other ND friends have found regarding getting that little official report... it doesn't necessarily mean shit beyond not having people accuse you of lying. There is no real "treatment" for being autistic (I don't count ABA, that's gross and doesn't actually "fix" shit), so unless you're really just seeking to have your life validated with a label, it's not inherently necessary. You know your lived experiences and feelings (and consistently high RAADS-R score 👀😂).

This is a friend who I've always gotten along with, and shared some interests with, but never really had an "omg here's a thing we both really click on" moment, but boy howdy when this conversation started and we started talking about it, that was the click moment.

And my best friend, who was sitting across from me, did that thing where people go, "you're not autistic are you?" then paused and clearly had a moment of "oh wait holy shit", because her face changed so quick when she thought about it for like 10 seconds 😂 And both her brothers are autistic but have very different levels of masking, stimming etc., so she's not totally ignorant to the various ways autism can present either 😅

But yeah idk, I'm still mad at my younger self for being a c-word, and I do wish I had access to an official diagnosis, but fuck it, my partner and my ex think I'm autistic, autistic people around me think I'm autistic, I'm probably autistic, and I'm going to treat myself with the kindness and patience and understanding that I deserve. (And also probably do even more research on autism than I already have hahahaha)

[rrelationshipadvice]

🩰 <- to find later. this is basically hs drama btw since we’re all about the same aged teenagers; warning for talk of abuse and ableism

how do i tell my friend (ill call her One) that the person everyone is friends with (ill call her Two) and also is her close friend is my ex-friend and was my bully? to explain, to tell her isn’t to point fingers or call out the person, it’s that i fear One will become a victim of Two and i don’t wish how Two treated me on anyone.

apologies for being semi-exhaustive here but Two pretty badly bullied me for just under ten years, as well as kinda physically abused me for four of those years (to the point i still have scars). im pretty sure it’s because i’m autistic and used to be unable to mask, since she’d regularly scream at me (like. voice going raw screaming) for being ‘slow/special/r slur-ed’ and constantly call me an ‘annoying fucking idiot’ (quote). the bullying also included telling people to exclude me, making fun of me in front of teachers or my parents, and calling my interests disgusting or embarrassing even when it was originally hers. again don’t want this to get too long but she would routinely torment me for showing typical autistic behavior by beating me up (ex: punching me in the stomach or trying to stomp on my stomach after shoving me to the ground, almost always slapped me very hard or would punch me in the breast) or screaming at me to basically correct me. she also groped and sexually harassed me a lot. plus she outed my other friend (who is autistic too) to the whole school and regularly fetishized the outed friend’s boyfriend trying to get them to break up. i blocked her everywhere and are now hostile to her irl in january of 2023 which im still relieved for doing despite my being a pushover LOL.

what sucks now is that Two is best friends with just about everyone in the entire school, esp. because we’re in the same extracurriculars which includes a large portion of the school. i normally try not to hold grudges but i’m an emotional and sort of indignant person so seeing literally everyone i know talk about how funny and sweet she is makes me feel violent. i want to tell someone how i have trust issues and get embarrassed being myself around people because of this girl but i feel like a) no one would believe me and 2) they’d probably gossip it off to someone and it would get exaggerated into like ‘she tried to kill the person posting this!!!!’ or some shit which i don’t want her to get painted as a bad person

i had this sentiment until i got closer with One. One is one of my closer friends and is diagnosed autistic, she’s a kind and considerate person who i feel like i can actually trust and don’t have to make myself mask around her. again like i mentioned im scared but also desperately wanting to tell someone Two treated me like trash. however One actively refuses to participate in people spreading rumors and shit talking because she’s been bullied before so that’s a big part of the trust. also with Two being autistic and One exclusively harassing and bullying only me and other autistic people in school, it’s scary thinking of Two doing anything to One.

my strife is that i just don’t know how to word ‘LOL you know your friend who’s buddies with everyone we know? she hated my autistic trans ass and hit me’ without it sounding like complaining or calling her out. One takes me seriously, hence the considerate comment, so i don’t think she’d just wave me off, but i’m not great with cohesion at times LOLL and like i mentioned earlier i don’t want who One considers her friend to be painted as a monster or smth!!!! thank you in advance for any help on this issue

.

[conanssummerchild]

just randomly making this post to get this off my chest idkkk

hearing the word autism in spanish makes me so uncomfortable tbh, i talk to my mum in nearly exclusively spanish so whenever we talk about autism its in spanish and i have a theory on why it makes me feel bad. ok so when i lived in england i was friends with 3 girls (another of which im pretty sure is also autistic) and i didnt really talk to many other people, they never used autism as an insult bcs they were nice so i never associated a negative connotation to the english terms autism and autistic. then we moved to spain in a small town and they were very narrow minded, the word autism and the r slur were tossed around so lightly as an insult that it was crazy, so i began to associate a negative connotation to the spanish terms autismo and autista, i then began to discover my own autism online on english and american sites and when i moved away from spain i made friends with an amazing person who has always accepted me and supported me with my autism and shes british, so i managed to build a positive connotation for the english terms. this is probably why the word autistic feels like an important part of who i am and my mother calling me autista makes me feel like shes insulting me. because ive only ever heard it as an insult, and probably only ever will seeing as i have no plans on returning to spain, and the english word is just a dignosis and a label, but not a negative one

[panaeolus-fimicola]

pinned

hi, you can call me kyle. i am 21, an autist, detransitioned, a lesbian, and an agnostic jew. i am not going to chat with you/be your friend if you're antisemitic or post blood libels &/or calls for the deaths/displacement of half of all living jews.

this blog is a personal/main blog. it includes a lot of political, especially feminist stuff. i post about my various mental illnesses sometimes, and sometimes i repeat myself without meaning to because autistic and bad memory. besides that, typical tungl blog. silly thoughts and life experiences and opinions and shitposts, all that. also, i talk a lot in the tags, sorry lol

@normal-about-dinosaurs is my art sideblog. if you follow this blog or reblog any of my art i will cry (gratefully). you are welcome to send requests of random things for me to draw, tv stuff, animals, etc.

@youknowihadtodoittothem is my evidence/resources/sources sideblog. i don't make personal posts there

i don't call people slurs (including the t slur), and i might block you if you use the r slur. i don't really consider "troon" a slur but still don't say it often, and i don't use the b slur, or the words wh*re, sl*t, or similar.

"proshippers" (people who like/are ok with fictional cp), lolicons (pedophiles), etc, DNI. i am serious and this is really one of my only major account boundaries. if you think fictional cp is okay, you are a pedophile apologist and enabler.

other major account boundary: please no minors following me, i'm not here to be kid-friendly. i will still attempt to tag nudity/nsfw content as such. also, sometimes i post about weed or other drugs, this will generally be tagged as '#drug /' if it bothers you. i don't drink, smoke, or do any hard drugs. sometimes i post about my family/piece of shit father, will try to tag as '#unfather'.

more about below - beliefs, some interests, a couple other sideblogs - it's not vital information nor super long

my beliefs solidly align with radical feminism, and i try to live my life by it as much as possible. anti makeup, cosmetic hair removal, femininity. i'm not anti-natalist and i don't want humans to go extinct. abortion is awesome and should always be safe and free, no woman should be forced into motherhood or have her body used against her will. i/my blogs are crypto radfem/gc safe, usually open to discuss beliefs with civility.

i am pro female and lesbian separatism, and i'll never recommend a woman start dating a man, all women deserve support exiting abusive relationships. no woman deserves abuse or misogyny, including women who are bad people and who you disagree with.

i don't hate trans people, i'm friends with some and care quite a bit about them. i use sex-based pronouns as much as possible, i don't "misgender" my friends to their faces because i don't want to upset them. they knew me while i was transitioning and know that i'm detransitioned now. i am a gender abolitionist.

males do not and cannot face oppression for being female, thus they are not included in feminism, the movement for female liberation. even the most "passing" trans-identified males will never face true misogyny. i am generally against transition (including HRT) and other cosmetic surgery, it is too dangerous/risky and promotes harmful attitudes towards our bodies. i am pro-reconstructive surgery/treatments, even though they may not truly restore what was lost or damaged.

i am generally anti-BDSM, i don't think "because it gets me/them off" is an excuse to abuse your partner. i don't think it's much better when it's SSA women. i also don't think it's good to simulate or fetishize pedophilia, racism, incest, abuse, or any of the other bad things that much of kink involves.

i am strongly against letting pets, especially cats, outdoors unsupervised, whether they usually live indoors or outdoors. i am pro euthanasia/elimination programs for feral cat colonies, i really dislike preferential treatment for domesticated animals when they're causing harm. i am not against pets or domestication, i have a few exotic pets myself (reptiles and inverts). i am not vegan, but not really anti-vegan either, i just don't think eating other animals is morally wrong. farmed animals should absolutely have better welfare and quality of life, and agriculture needs environmental protection reforms.

detrans qualifiers: had double-incision double mastectomy shortly after turning 17, was on testosterone for 16 months, starting a month before i turned 18. my voice dropped and i did pass at least to some strangers. i'm still GNC and get sir'd sometimes.

mild-moderate europhobe, sorry ik there's some cool stuff but way too many european countries are fine with pedophilia and rape (esp prostitution). also what the fuck is with all the countries with an age of consent of like 14. and the netherlands' special little child rapist olympian (steven van de velde)

DMs and asks are usually open, and i don't mind DMs at all as long as you're not being a creep/you're not a creepy male. response may be delayed, probably because i'm unsure how to respond, or it's something hard to answer, sorry :[

hate anons generally go unanswered, unless they're a good example of a pattern of unhinged/bigoted behavior - such as anons calling me slurs, claiming i'm lying about being detransitioned or that i was never "really" trans to begin with. or if they're really stupid and funny.

some of my interests:

pokemon, bugs, plants, marine life (usually inverts), reptiles, archosaurs, and drugs (especially psychedelics). i like south park and iasip. and 'the boys' (show) apparently. a variety of pc and switch games such as deep rock, path of titans, lethal company, and splatoon. if we have shared interests (especially games!) please feel free to dm and start a conversation about it!! i am genuinely just here to learn, listen, make connections/friends, share my experiences/thoughts on various things, post art, and have fun/get a little silly.

@touchingsomegrass is my nature/plant aesthetic sideblog

@wholegrainoats is my happy place/interest only sideblog, so bugs, reptiles, drugs, stuff like that

[foulserpent]

not to be "both sides"ing but actually yes both sides of the online "debate" over the word queer are so fucking pointless. its all just about performing moral outrage over the fact that a word is complex and multifaceted, just picking one facet of the word as your hill to die on.

like no, person who regularly calls people faggots online, i actually dont believe your pearl clutching when someone says "queer" is genuine, given that same degree of hallowed and solemn treatment doesnt seem to apply to slurs you feel comfortable reclaiming personally. you and i both know that some people saying "the queer community" (though it may be inappropriate and should probably not be treated as something that should be universally done) is not in any capacity equivalent to a nightmare situation you imagined where people start calling autistic ppl the "[r slur] community" (real take i have actually seen)

no, person who acts like they got spat on when ppl tag their posts with "q slur", i know damn well its solely a matter of performance and in any other situation youd accommodate (because you do in fact understand that something that isnt traumatic to you may be to someone else). no, person who goes "well 'gay'/'lesbian'/etc are slurs/derogatory, actually, so....", i know you dont actually believe this (especially given you arent gonna behave accordingly, obviously) and are fully capable of understanding the difference. you are not stupid

like literaly just accept that "word with a lengthy history in activism that is widely used in a reclaimed sense and as a powerful identifier to many people and should be recognized as such" and "word that was and is used as a slur, and may entirely lack positive connotations in certain regions or to certain demographics and should be treated as such" are both true and behave accordingly. its something that will always need to be discussed bc theres no perfect compromise for all facets of the word, but can and should be done with understanding and respect. thats it. can we please fucking move on