#augh i have no motivation to do ANYTHING

[silentrestlessdreams]

auGH

[jorvikpov]

You wake up tired.

It no longer surprises you. You cannot remember the last time you were allowed a full night’s rest. Sleep comes to you in fragments these days; too many times each night to count, you are startled awake so violently that it is difficult to fall asleep again. Your dreams come in fragments, too, and it is becoming harder and harder to tell whether they are the same dream flashing back and forth between a thousand scenes or a thousand different dreams. You may glimpse a deep, wild ocean, or a cold, beautiful winter morning, or a raging scream that comes from you and yet from something entirely different—the list goes on. The moments are incohesive, and yet you feel like something you can’t quite place connects them. Like you only have to fill in the gaps. You cannot, of course, fill in the gaps.

You used to wake up feeling disappointed at it all. The fragmented visions, the gaps where something should connect them, and the uneasy sleep were frustrating at best. Now, it is only to be expected. Each day your time for evenings at home grows shorter and shorter as your training gets more and more intense, and yet each night you manage to put off going to sleep for longer and longer. You know that you will wake a thousand times with only the night sky, the rustling trees, and the knots in your ceiling to keep you company. You know that you will wake exhausted in the morning. You know that there is hardly any point to sleeping.

Oftentimes, your unease brings you to the stables. To your horse. It is still warm there. It will not be that way for much longer, though. Winter grows nearer with each dawn; the grass is already cold and crisp with frost when you wake each morning, and on colder days, your breath fogs even when the sun is highest. Soon enough, the stables will be too cold for anything but animals equipped with thick, warm coats made to let them live through the Jorvegian midwinter.

Sleeping in the stables is becoming more and more difficult, either way. Though you are never directly questioned, you know that people have begun to notice. When you leave for training far too early in the morning and far too undone to have woken up anywhere but your horse’s stall, people are already around. They begin whispering as soon as you have passed them on the village paths. How are you to save the world? How are you to lead the way? How are you to learn to control yourself if you cannot even sleep properly anywhere but the stables?

You do not actually hear them, of course—Valedale’s residents are too tactful and too used to speaking in hushed tones to let you catch their conversations—but you can only assume that these are their words.

When faced with you directly, on the other hand, they are all too nice and appreciative. Should you run even the simplest errand for one of them, they will thank you so profusely that one might think you were the goddess herself and that being graced with your presence was the greatest blessing they could have been given. Should you happen to look anything other than incredibly busy, it is impossible for you to ride through Valedale at midday without somebody stopping you to give their thanks for your constant, diligent and dutiful efforts towards keeping the island safe and to wish you well in the name of Aideen. Stood in the shadow of a house or half-hidden behind a building, others will be silently watching. Whispering. Sometimes, there is awe in their eyes. Other times, they look at you with an expression indecipherable to you. They must think that you cannot see them. Either that, or they don’t care that you can. You aren’t sure which is the better option.

The villagers doubt you, and yet you are their last and only hope. The only one on this island who can supposedly set things right once and for all. With each day that passes, even you find yourself having more and more trouble believing that you will succeed. Though you do not have the visions to prove it, a deep dread within you tells you that the Soul Riders are not the only faction to be gaining power. You have tried to find proof of it, but in your mind there is a blank, foggy space where you know you should be able to find something of use, almost like somebody is concealing something from your view. This only makes the feeling grow stronger; you can think of few people who would be that interested, much less capable, of hiding from your mind’s eye.

You do not speak of it. You cannot. It is not what you are to focus on. The most important thing—the only important thing—is your training. It is the only way you know to give yourself hope. It is the only way you know to keep going. And so, you rise with the sun every morning, painstakingly making your way through the village and up the frost-lined path to the mountainside paddock, and you do your best to hold onto whatever strength you have left.

[claitea]

[video id: A simple animation of an OC, Alto. They are fiddling with the camera that's recording them, which starts blurry before coming into focus. They look confused about the blur issue. end id]

tried alight motion for only half an hour, decided actually i dont like doing this style of animation so now i just have this unfinished test

[autism-corner]

erm

[milimeters-morales]

I have this image in my head where it’s late at night, and Miles is carrying a kid with his one arm while walking close next to the mother (just got mugged and beat up while trying to walk to her car) and letting her steady herself on his shoulder, making sure he’s on high alert the entire time, and letting the kid chew on his jacket’s drawstrings and babble senselessly because they can’t comprehend what just happened. And Miles’s spider-sense isn’t the best by any means, but it’s still pretty good, so he immediately turns to look in the direction where he feels eyes on him, and sees Peter just watching Miles walk the lady and kid home. Miles holds the stare until Peter leaves, and he never knows if Peter was being the Peter that Miles is used to, or the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man that everyone else is used to in that moment, and he never will ^_^ I just think it’s a good representation(?) of how abuse warps your perspective and destroys your sense of trust in people, and makes you feel like you’re the overly-paranoid one, the crazy bitch in the relationship, because nobody else sees/fears what you do

[thedndgoblinwholivesinyourwalls]

I want to make a short film (?) or animation bit with janette and adele, like them taking and it would be animated and voice acted and agdjfhjd

[datastate]

still so frustrated that it's because it took so long doing the video production part of my kai analysis that a lot of my revelations were rendered redundant but it's fine. it's okay. i was right. it's just that now everyone else has had it handed to them on a silver platter instead of reading between the lines like i did incessantly for the months before the miniepisode.

[malusienki]

woke up from a nap with a headach,e

[perenlop]

Keep doing this thing where I'm like "I have to write about grounded realistic stories or else I'm weird and a freak and abnormal and I'm just gonna make people either uncomfortable or think I'm childish aka terrible" because my family and hometown were just really really weird about fantasy so I keep shooting myself in the foot when it comes to stories I actually want to write :(

[micha-lapin]

ugh, I think I'm in some kinda weird funk. I don't like how closely it is to the space I used to be in but hopefully it'll pass soon

[fluffybunnybadass]

fanfic ask game bottom text

😂 What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?

✏️ What is your [current] fave fic from another writer?

❤️ Who is your [current] favorite character to write for and why?

- I cannot think of anything off the top of my head, though i'm sure if i tried looking, i could find something

- currently enjoying @marisverse , though I'm also not following too many other fics atm. but also i have "my oc is in this" bias, so :P

- idk since I haven't written in a good long while, so I'll just say Silver. Love me angsty tsundere teenagers. Loved being one. Do not want to be one ever again, however. Catharsis.

[misc-obeyme]

Ah, you want lucifer sub? I have another idea for you then! Feel free to ignore if you had enough nsfw drabbles tho lol Theres a card in NB where lucifer tries to force mc a truth apple or whatchamacallit to see who mc really is, but Beel ended up eating it instead. Anyway in p4 he tries to earn mc's forgiveness by going to the castle for barb's cooking. What if then, at the table, mc remembers that in the og timeline, lucifer and mc constantly played with shibari on each other? Hmm... So then, that's his punishment. Early Avatar of Pride, getting tied up in his own room. Blindfolded Anyway, hope you like the idea. 🍄 Love you CC

Augh, 🍄 anon, shibari is like one of my favorite things ever. It just looks so pretty!?!? And Lucifer is also very pretty????

Yes, I thoroughly enjoyed writing this. I do have that card and remembered this particular Devilgram. It had an excellent line from Barb that I took the time to screenshot and then forgot about until much later. Something about having cake, I don't remember exactly. It's in my posts somewhere lol.

Anyway! Sub!Lucifer is everything to me, so here he is. I like the idea of NB Lucifer specifically not understanding why he trusts MC. He even says in the Devilgram something about how there was a connection between them the moment MC showed up. But this is a minor detail, I just find it interesting.

GN!MC x Lucifer

NSFW MDNI

Warnings: sub!Lucifer, dom!MC, shibari, blindfold, praise, hand job

Lucifer held himself incredibly still. He would not squirm. He would not give you the satisfaction.

It was difficult. He wanted to give in already.

You had spent quite some time carefully tying the black and red ropes around his body. Securing knots, ensuring they were tight but not too tight. Perhaps he should have been anxious as you brought his hands behind his back and tied them in place. Perhaps he should have been concerned when you tied the blindfold over his eyes. Perhaps he should have been worried about how vulnerable he was allowing himself to be with you.

And perhaps he was all of those things. But the fire it ignited in his belly was too powerful to ignore. The thrill of your touch, the way his skin tingled any time you brushed your fingers against it. Knowing that you were seeing him completely exposed, that he was entirely at your mercy, that you were in control of him in a way no one else has ever been.

The ropes rubbed against him, an uncomfortably pleasing sensation. The blindfold was his own tie, which you had utilized for this purpose and its soft silkiness was an exciting contrast to the harsher feeling of the ropes.

When you were finished, you moved away and left him there.

Lucifer was kneeling on his own bed, tied up and blindfolded, waiting for you to touch him again.

He couldn't see himself, but he could imagine the sight. You seemed to already know the intricacies of shibari. The pattern was elegant and complex - turning him into a sensual work of art.

Lucifer waited. He could be patient. He refused to let you see just how affected he was. He couldn't do anything about his obvious erection, which was straining. But he would keep the rest of himself as composed as possible.

"So," you said and your voice was close. "Are you sorry for trying to get me to eat that apple?"

Lucifer hesitated. "I've let you tie me up and blindfold me, haven't I? Is that not proof enough?"

"I won't make you say it," you said. "I could see it in your eyes as I was tying you up. You trust me, don't you? Despite being suspicious of who I am and what my motives might be, you still trust me."

Lucifer frowned. "I don't-"

You pressed a finger to his lips. "You don't need to lie about it. You can trust me, Lucifer. I promise."

Lucifer was about to disagree with you, but whatever he might have said left his mind immediately as you took his cock in your hand. He sucked in a breath. Your hand felt soft, slightly damp with your sweat, which soon mingled with his precum.

Lucifer's resolve not to squirm crumbled. He couldn't hold perfectly still now, his hips moving involuntarily to thrust into your hand. He bit his lip, determined at least not to moan.

"Don't do that," you said, putting your thumb on his lower lip and pulling it gently out of his teeth. "Let me hear you."

Lucifer felt his skin grow hot as the moan he'd been trying to hold back escaped him. As soon as it did, it was as though a dam had broken and he couldn't stop making noise.

"Ah," he cried. "MC, please, ah!"

"Good boy," you said sweetly. "Now come for me."

Lucifer immediately came all over your hand, a strangled cry ripping itself from his throat as he did. Lucifer was panting, his body's muscles relaxing, but he was still tied up so stiffly, he couldn't go anywhere. You allowed him to lean on you long enough to catch his breath.

Lucifer quickly learned that he was far from done with his apology and it was much later into the night before you were willing to forgive him.

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[oshinohoshi]

Regarding Hikaru's culpability in Ai's death

The question of whether Hikaru meant to hurt Ai is still up in the air but in this post I'm going to make an extremely messy argument that Hikaru loved Ai and didn't mean to kill her!

Above: Hikaru said Ai had selfish and cruel sides (more like extremely avoidant tendencies but I digress) but there's no menace to his tone. He believed it was only natural for her to leave him.

I will say that Hikaru's below statement from ch 160 is pretty weird, especially after just learning that Ai loved him. Is that how he saw Ai? As a woman who deceived him and tried to make him obey her?

It does kind of align with the below Fatal lyrics which I can't see as anything other than a Hikaru song:

You have given me a fatal flaw Selfish giant star, ruined lives

I think both things can be true. He didn't hate Ai. He loved her more than anything. But he was bitter because he thought she didn't care about him.

He created a warped view of their relationship in which he was never loved or needed. But that bitterness, even anger at times, never appears to have devolved into murderous intent. Not when he was still so soft on her despite some of his more accusatory statements.

OK you're saying he didn't mean to kill her. But what about this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know. It's so antithetical to everything we know about him. It's one thing to lash out in a moment of pain but a slow burn manipulation like this requires intention. There's two explanations I can come up with.

He was twisting the screws for another reason. Maybe he wanted to exert control because he felt so powerless over the situation with Ai. Or perhaps he wanted a fellow Ai fanatic. Someone who would understand her significance.

Aqua is wrong.

But why did he change his story from stating he wanted Ryosuke to scare Ai (you fucking idiot, Hikaru) to just giving her a bouquet?

I'm a bit stumped here too. This guy is supposedly a master manipulator yet he couldn't keep his story straight?

Perhaps both of these were his motives but I don't know why he didn't say that from the start. I just don't think this is proof that he lied because it's not hard to keep such a basic story straight.

The best explanation I can come up with is that he told Ryosuke the address in a fit of anger and despair. He thought Ryosuke would scare her. He then gave him the bouquet. It was an "I love you/I want you to feel my pain" message for Ai.

OK, but if Aqua was right about Hikaru manipulating Ryosuke, then he knew Ryosuke was an Ai fanatic who could go off the rails in an instant. Especially if he learned that Ryosuke killed Gorou. And anyway, what the hell did he think he was going to do to scare her?

Augh. I'm just going to hope that Nino filled Hikaru in on Gorou's murder after Ryosuke died and therefore he didn't realize that Ryosuke was dangerous. As for what he thought Rysouke would do... I dunno. Give her the bouquet and glower at her? Tell her he knew about her kids?

My man was an idiot but I don't think that makes him a killer in this case. I mean, it would be scary enough for a fan to show up at your door with flowers from your ex.

My last piece of evidence that Hikaru didn't want to hurt Ai is that he was desperate to ensure nobody would surpass her, he wanted to feel her presence, and imo he was trying to preserve her memory.

Offing Ai is the opposite of all those things. He said that he killed Ai out of spite but I don't think that we're meant to take that literally.

Those panels at the top of my post and his obsessive adoration of Ai make it hard for me to believe he would try to harm her. Instead, he blamed himself - rightfully so - for sending Ryosuke to Ai's apartment and that's what he meant by killing her out of spite.

But this goddamn back and forth is why I'm so frustrated with Hikaru's characterization.

Is he a man who loved Ai, inadvertently caused her to die, and then spiraled into madness fueled by grief and guilt? Or is he a man who loved Ai, used Ryosuke to kill her, and then spiraled into madness because he regretted his actions?

Well, aside from all the reasons presented above, the story never explicitly tells us that he tried to kill Ai. Given that Crow Girl walks around spouting monologues about who is doing what and why, and Hikaru never thought about how he tried to murder Ai in his final moments, I've settled on: Hikaru is by no means an innocent man but he never wanted Ai dead.

I rest my case. It was shaky but I did my best.

[socalledsomethingorother]

bakugou vs. uraraka is such an underrated episode. so much shit is exposed and i believe it’s the real start of both of their character developments.

this is the first time ochako has (self-admittedly) fought for something without izuku at her side. this is her moment, and she is going to seize it. she’s determined. she’s powerful.

she even takes her loss pretty well, all things considered. she exclaims to izuku that she’s already ready to use this loss as motivation to train harder and get better. she does cry, but even allowing herself to be frustrated is more than some of her peers are doing.

she is just so cool, so emotionally intelligent, so inspiring—and for what? the whole stadium, including her friends and peers, regarded her as a frail little girl.

now i’m not sure how much of that she even heard, but if she did hear anything, she powered through that shit like an absolute badass. but still, even her peers immediately saw her as inferior to katsuki and thus underestimated her from the beginning.

here’s my question: is that infantilization of ochako actually rooted in the fact that she’s a girl, or is it solely a reflection of katsuki’s “villainous” persona? i can’t decide if the crowd actually thought she was a frail little girl, or if they were so wrapped up in projecting this unnecessarily sadistic identity onto katsuki.

it’s probably a mix of both. either way, there were like 4 people in that stadium who truly took both katsuki and ochako seriously: aizawa, izuku, katsuki, and ochako.

i have a love-hate relationship with this episode because it makes me so mad, but there’s so much going on that’s completely invisible to someone not looking past face-value. augh

[reminiscentrainclouds]

The Dragon Prince season 6 spoilers below! Just a bunch of my thoughts because boy do I have a lot of them!

I still can't believe the way that whole switcheroo trick with the pearl backfired on Callum. It was so painful to watch because I knewwww it was going to happen the minute he decided to carry the fake down there by himself. Rayla was literally offering to go down there with him!! It would have been so easy for both of them to go down there just in case! I mean, the fake and the pearl both looked exactly the same; it would be easy to make a simple mistake and confuse them, so you'd want to make extra sure you were taking the right one with you!! Callum's confidence is very admirable, but considering he was so worried about it, he really should have been more cautious!

I just really like the way that part of the plot played out. This whole season had soooo much irony in it, but especially with this whole thing. The second it was revealed to be the fake pearl, I was like, "Yippee I was right!!" But also, "They're doomed." Because!! It's left completely unattended!!

And then Sol Regem started attacking Katolis and I was like NOOO IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER. Although at first I was thinking it was gonna get like, smashed or something in the rubble and that would release Aaravos but man. MAN. There was so much more in store, that was a wild ride... Don't even get me started on Viren's sacrifice. I hate him and I think he got what he deserved, both in terms of what he lost and the crushing guilt he felt, but man. I was really sympathizing with him ever since he got revived, and that last scene with him hurt.

But it was a satisfying and fitting conclusion for him. He had intended on swearing off dark magic and attempting to right his wrongs, but instead, after a lifetime of sacrificing other lives for magic, he ends things by sacrificing his own life, which was already stolen after being revived anyway, to help save the people of Katolis. Sucks that he ultimately was convinced to use dark magic again, as if it was something he could never really escape, as if he never really learned anything, but the big difference was that he was sacrificing no other life than his own here. And he did help people. I'm probably massively misinterpreting everything because my interpretations are always kind of off...but he's just a really interesting character.... He made a lot of bad decisions but I understand his motivations, and I feel like he was really quite Doomed By The Narrative, pushed into a corner and faced with two equally bad decisions in many cases. He's the kind of bad guy who I really wish could have had the opportunity of not being a bad guy, y'know?

Aaravos is much worse and much less redeemable to me, but I feel a similar way about him. Like I Get It. Can't relate to what appears to be his thirst for revenge but I can understand. Learning about what happened to his daughter makes me angry on his behalf! The fact that all this had to happen in the first place hurts a lot! All this could really be blamed on that council of Startouch Elves, for what seemed like an extremely unnecessary punishment for his daughter. Although I'm curious about what more information we might get on the whole cosmic order and everything, I don't know. Taking Aaravos's child like that was unnecessarily cruel though; regardless of how serious of a crime or whatever giving humans magic was, there's no way she had bad intentions, and it's not like killing her would reverse what happened. AUGH anyway. What a season.

[project-sekai-facts]

Sorry if this spoils you um... TSUKASA FOCUS!! What are your thoughts on what might happen? Based on the event description and then bunny plush being w tsukasa in the untrained.. im inclined to think because he's been cast as a minor role, he's kind of. like. What if i cant cause many smiles because of where i am.. and then meikos like you silly goose. you're the brightest star in someones universe and the bunny is there to remind him . AUGHH. AUGH

dw daichan already spoiled it on the stream last month lmao. Oh this event looks so interesting and frankly!! it's perfect for tsukasa's character arc!!! sorry about the excess of exclamation marks i'm excited about the possibility that people might finally understand him after this event and finally free me from writing analysis posts about him haha.

him being a minor part is literally what he needs to improve his acting. he's always either the lead or a major character, taking a step back is like another slap of realism for him and honestly, it might even be better for him than the challenges he's faced before when he struggled with lead roles. because he can't always be the lead, that just isn't a possibility. no matter how good an actor is they will not be the lead in everything they star in. he's pushed his limits to get lead roles before (Torpe, Rio, also the secondary lead Bartlett), so i think approaching a minor role is going to be a whole new experience for him.

I'm especially interested in the fact he's tasked with making the character feel real because we all know what that means: some good old fashioned Tsukasa unpacking his emotions. we don't know yet exactly what this minor character is doing, so i can't really make any guesses as to what is meant to feel real about it since we don't know their motivations and conflicts yet, but i get the feeling it will play into the fact that Tsukasa got the minor role, like how Rio played into his weaknesses and Torpe connected to his younger self.

As I said, Tsukasa is pretty much always the lead or some significant role. In this scenario as well when what he’s trying to do is improve his acting, such a minor role could feel like nothing. I think those feelings (be it annoyance or disappointment or whatever it may be in the story) are somehow going to play a part in how he has to make such a minor character feel real.

Also I think one of the aspects Tsukasa struggles with most is understanding the characters he plays. With Torpe he couldn’t relate to him and therefore struggled to play the role because he couldn’t get his head around how the character should act. With Rio he struggled too, and tried to replicate some of the character’s struggles in real life to help him try and get into the mindset of the character. But those two were MCs, a minor character with three lines is a whole different story because they don’t have an arc. However, all characters in a good story will have some sort of motive and you will be able to tell what that is from only a few lines. Good dialogue should be able to tell you a lot about a character. I think that’s what Tsukasa is going to learn in this event. Minor characters are not irrelevant even if they don’t contribute to any major plot points. All the characters in the world of that story are real people with individual lives and thoughts and feelings.

And to steer this away from me talking too much about screenwriting I think a minor role as you pointed out could be a hit to his desire to make people smile. Because who cares about a character with three lines? The hero makes people smile, not a forgettable background guy. The forgettable background guy won’t mean anything to anyone, he won’t make anyone smile, and he’s not a star.

Also the preview and title I think will play into these insecurities and lessons. He can’t be the lead every time, he can’t always be the big star of the show. However he can make a small role into a highlight, and even if he isn’t the frontman, there will always be people who will view him as the star of the show regardless, like Saki (Usa-chan) and WxS, and he can at least make them smile.