#at least I’m aware I’m gonna die immediately in a physical game

[sleepymjntyy]

why I shouldn’t be in alice in borderland | part thirteen

—

me: I refuse to die to these wretched games.

chishiya: looks like this is gonna be a spades game.

me: I am going to die to these wretched games.

[kyuuppi]

“You lie to your best friend/crush that you have an OnlyFans just to see their reaction”

Ft. Sugawara; Nishinoya; Tsukishima; Oikawa; Kenma

Pt. 2

A/N: My bias is so obvious here LOL

KARASUNO

↳ Sugawara

➣  You are over at his house, the two of you idly watching a sitcom while browsing your phones and chatting in between; it’s comfortable, as times with Sugawara usually are.

➣  Every time Suga leans in to show you a funny meme on his phone or throws his head back in laughter at a joke from the show, you find your heart skipping a beat.

➣  He is beautiful, basically an angel in your eyes, but he is also your best friend and you don’t think he has any interest in you like that. Not in the way you do. 

➣  That’s how you get the idea to test his feelings. 

➣  Being the troublemaker you are (how else would you and Suga get along so well?) you decide to shake things up by casually mentioning you’re interested in starting an OnlyFans and asking if he thinks its a good idea. 

➣  You expect either of two reactions: either he’ll be as supportive as usual, possibly advising you to be cautious with strangers online like the mother hen he is, proving he only sees you as a friend—or he’ll tell you not to, possible evidence that likes you.

➣  The response you receive is not quite what you were expecting...

➣  Once the words leave your lips his head immediately whips around in your direction, light brown eyes looking at you with a serious expression on his face, something you’d never really seen before. It makes you uncomfortable and you begin to regret all of your life decisions.

➣  Suddenly though, he is leaning into you, his arms coming up to trap you against the couch as you try to back away. Your eyes are as wide as saucers and face completely flushed as he continues to stare you down before speaking.

➣  “Even though I’m your best friend, I’m still a man, you know. You’re being awfully cruel right now.”

➣ You audibly gulp, suddenly feeling light-headed but he keeps speaking, close enough that you can feel his hot breath fan across your cheeks.

➣ “Asking me to watch the person I like show off in front of thousands of other men? Even I have my limits.”

➣ And that marks the day of you and Sugawara’s first kiss. ♡

↳ Nishinoya

➣  Your best friend, Nishinoya Yuu, is notoriously unabashed with his affections. 

➣ The two of you have an interesting relationship—Noya has no qualms with expressing how pretty he thinks you are, borderline flirting with you at times, and you frequently return the favor. 

➣  But you don’t take any of it seriously, of course, regardless of how much you secretly wish it were real. Everyone at Karasuno knows about Noya’s undying dedication to the volleyball club manager, Shimizu Kiyoko, and he confesses his love to her at least twice a day. 

➣ Unbeknownst to you those professions became less and less frequent after he met you and now most of Karasuno thinks the two of you are basically dating

➣ The two of you are at the mall, a frequent hang out place where Noya can look at volleyball gear and you can browse manga at the bookstore, when you get the idea to prank your friend.

➣ “Hey, Noya? I’ve been thinking about finding a way to make more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so I decided to make an OnlyFans—I already have a few subscribers.”

➣ Nishinoya nearly trips and falls flat on his face. You would have laughed if it weren’t for how he immediately grabs at your shoulders, staring at you with a mix of anger and fear. 

➣ “Absolutely not! No one should be allowed to see your beautiful body like that but me!”

➣ You immediately fluster at his loud declaration, acutely aware of how other customers in the mall are giving the two of your strange looks as they walk by. 

➣ “B-but Noya, we aren’t even dating—”

➣ “Then let’s start dating!” 

➣ And what are you gonna do? Say no?

↳ Tsukishima

➣ Being friends with Tsukishima could be frustrating at times—a sentiment you and Yamaguchi frequently discuss when the blond isn’t around. 

➣ Tsukishima likes to think most things are beneath him and he’s too cool to find enjoyment in activities most other friends enjoy, ranging from mini golf to video games. The man seems content to waste his life away studying and listening to music if it weren’t for you and Yamaguchi forcing him out of his room. 

➣ Naturally, something like a prank war would be something Tsukishima would want no part of—not that that has ever stopped you. 

➣ Usually, your pranks are failures. Either Tsukishima easily figures out what you’re doing before it can happen or he doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a reaction, chastising you for wasting your time pulling pranks when you have a failing grade in mathematics you’ll later beg him to help you study for.

➣ He still helps you though, he’s whipped

➣ Your newest prank however, you feel exceptionally confident in. Not only is it simple to pull off, only relying on your acting kills, but it also might answer your curiosity on whether you have a chance in getting your dearest Tsukki to see you as more than just a friend.

➣ The day you decide to do it the three of you are hanging out in Tsukishima’s bedroom as usual, you working on the math homework Tsukishima forced you to study while he reads a book and Yamaguchi sits in the corner reading a book.

➣ You had already discussed your plans with Yama beforehand, to which his expression looked suspiciously devious, like he knew something you didn’t know, as he proclaimed his support. 

➣ You hear Tsukishima turning a page and decide to speak up. 

➣ “Hey, Tsukki, have you heard of OnlyFans?”

➣ You hold back a snicker as you see Tsukishima visibly tense, his eyes widening behind his glasses for a moment before he relaxes. From the corner of your eyes you can see Yamaguchi smirking behind his comic, watching the blond closely. 

➣ “...yeah, I’ve heard of it,” Tsukishima simply replies. 

➣ “I’ve been thinking about making more money but I don’t have time for a part-time job so my friend suggested it. She said I could make over ten thousand yen a month.”

➣ “I think only the really attractive ones make that much.”

➣ You gasp, thoroughly offended, and Yamaguchi looks mildly annoyed by his friend’s response, already opening his mouth to chastise him for being so mean—but before he can say anything, Tsukishima is speaking again, still looking down at the book in his lap. 

➣ “Don’t do it though.” 

➣ “Why not?” You pout, refusing to look up at him when you speak. 

➣ “...I don’t want the person I like to do those types of things.” 

➣ You nearly choke on your own saliva, head darting up to stare at him in disbelief. Yamaguchi, for some reason, only smiles softly, looking unsurprised by the admission. 

➣ “W-what? You...like me?”

➣ “Oi, shouldn’t you be studying? One more F and you’re gonna flunk out of the class, dummy.”

➣ You’re slightly disappointed by the change of subject but when you notice the soft pink on Tsukishima’s cheeks you can’t help but to smile the whole time you finish your homework.

AOBA JOUSAI

↳ Oikawa

➣ Oikawa is a busy guy.

➣ You were well aware of that before the two of you happened to be paired up for an assignment and got to know each other, eventually becoming close friends. 

➣ Between volleyball practices, tournaments, magazine interviews, and appeasing a passionate fan club, Oikawa rarely has time for himself, let alone another person. 

➣ Despite all of that, you could tell he always made sure to spend time with you, dedicating a few weekends a month to hanging out, just the two of you, and constantly texting you in the times the two of you couldn’t physically be together. 

➣ From an outsider’s perspective, it was almost like the two of you were dating. 

➣ But alas, you know the sad reality is that Oikawa is most certainly not your boyfriend and you have no idea if he has any interest in your like that…

➣ ...Which is why you decide to try to make him jealous one day to push him towards confessing his feelings, if they exist. 

➣ The two of you are at a café, sipping lattes and gossiping about other students when you bring it up. 

➣ “Y’know...I’ve been thinking of making an OnlyFans.”

➣ To your surprise, Oikawa’s eyes seem to light up, his lips curving into a smile of excitement. 

➣ “Wow, really? Maybe I should make one too!”

➣ Oikawa immediately pulls out his cell phone and the color drains from your face as you realize your plan has completely backfired. 

➣ “My fans are going to love this—hey do you think we can do a collab? The two of us in one pic would make us top creators for sure.”

➣ You can only nod numbly with a fake smile at Oikawa’s enthusiasm.

➣ Oh god, you’ve created a monster…

NEKOMA

↳ Kozume

➣ Unless you’re Kuroo, becoming friends with Kenma is a nearly impossible feat. Actually making him want to spend time with you alone, even more so. 

➣ But somehow, you managed to work your way into Kenma’s tightly knit social circle more like a two point line segment of him and Kuroo and your evenings after his volleyball practice are usually spent in one of your bedrooms, playing Splatoon and Animal Crossing until your Switches die or your parents force you to come home for dinner—whichever comes first. 

➣ You love spending time with Kenma, his quiet presence somehow making you feel comfortable—but over time those feelings of ease have shifted into something more akin to nervousness and excitement as you’ve come to develop a crush on the setter.

➣ Every moment with him, watching the small smiles tug at his lips when he wins a match or his cute, frustrated pout when he can’t figure out how to defeat a boss makes your heart flutter and it’s becoming more and more painful to idly sit by without expressing your feelings.

➣ A direct confession, especially to a boy with nearly 0 social skills, is scary, so you want to be sure your feelings are returned before you even attempt to share them. 

➣ Thus, you’ve decided to take Kuroo’s advice.

➣ “Push him into a corner. Kenma will only act when he thinks he has to.” 

➣ You take a deep breath to steel your nerves before you speak, eying him sneakily from behind your Switch. 

➣ “Gamer girls and boys are kind of trendy these days; I’m thinking about starting an OnlyFans to make money to buy more games.”

➣ The only visible response you receive is a slow blink as Kenma continues to play his game, fingers tapping furiously on the keys. 

➣ “Ah...I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

➣ “Why not?”

➣ There are a few moments of silence between you two, the room only filled with the SFX of your games as Kenma seems to finish his round. You recognize the victory music as Kenma pauses to finally raise his gaze to meet your own. 

➣ “It's your body so I can’t tell you what to do but...I would feel really jealous of all your subscribers.”

➣ And just like that, Kenma returns his attention to the video game, unpausing and starting a new match, blissfully unaware of you struggling to calm your racing heart and flushed cheeks. 

[rebeccccccaaa]

TEᑎᔕIOᑎ

_____________________________

ᗩGEᗪ ᑌᑭ!ᑭETEᖇ ᑭᗩᖇKEᖇ ᙭ ᖇEᗩᗪEᖇ

ᔕᑌᗰᗰᗩᖇY: You and Peter have always been very flirty and touchy with each other. You chalked it up to just how he is, not that you minded. But what happens when Peter gets hit with Hydra’s infamous sex pollen and all he seems to be doing is moaning your name. 

ᗯᗩᖇᑎIᑎGᔕ: smut of course lol 18+ (virgin kink?, first time!reader, experienced!Peter, etc, unprotected sex cuz i forgot to write that lol be safe though, and a digusting amount of fluff) 

ᗩ/ᑎ: (non/dub con as per usual with sex pollen fics) although i tried to make as consensual as possible 

ᗯOᖇᗪ ᑕOᑌᑎT: 4.0k (i’m so sorry this is so long lmao)

_________________________________________

“We’re back!” Tony shouted, his voice echoing in the building. They had gone on a mission to infiltrate yet another Hydra base.

Peter was currently sitting and watching television and you were watching from the kitchen making two drinks for you and Peter. You both looked to the team walking in before scurrying beside Bruce and Tony who walked straight into the lab. 

“What did you get this time?” you asked excitedly. Sometimes the team brings back really cool things back from missions and in particular the Hydra missions have the coolest things. Unusually, Thor too walked in the lab before you all circled around the table and Tony placed a plant. 

He backs away as did Bruce and Thor so after looking at Peter with wide eyes you both also stepped back. 

“What is it?” Peter whispered.

“A plant,” Thor said.

“Not shit, Goldilocks. What does it do? You told us to take home, now what?” Tony said.

“Well, Man of Iron, it’s a sex pollen plant.”

“A what?” you gasped.

“Most planets use this as a sort of breeding plant; some species don’t really have the… stamina that Midgardians and Asgardians have.”

As Thor explained this, Tony and Bruce huddle away from the plant moving towards the computer to write down notes and data about what Thor was telling them. You followed pursuit also being intrigued by it. 

Unfortunately Peter did not follow and instead moved closer to the plant to take a closer look. The flower was beautiful. The petals were a soft shade of periwinkle and the pollen was yellow almost like gold. The same shade of golden yellow dust swirled around the flower itself. It was hypnotizing. He really wanted to smell it.

Suddenly as Peter got closer just to give it a quick sniff, he could smell an almost overbearing amount of your scent. That delicious scent of vanilla and lavender that you smelled so nicely of. That scent that made Peter want to run his hands through your hair and his nose along your neck. 

“One thing you should never do is inhale its pollen, if one does it could heighten their desires into madness.”

Peter looked up with wide eyes knowing he just did something he probably shouldn't have done. 

“What desires exactly?” Bruce asked.

“Well, sex.”

Peter started coughing.

“Pete are you ok?” you asked walking up to him.

He looked you in your eyes and his own dilated insanely. You backed away slightly concerned for your friend only for him to take a step closer to you. The lab coated with silence analyzing his behavior since it was so unlike him. Tony got up from sitting on a stool and Thor puffed his chest anticipating his next move; he was certain the boy breathed in the plant’s pollen. 

“It smelled just like you,” he whispered close to your face; his hands reaching under your shirt slightly.

The minute he put his hands on you, all three men ran you and Peter. Bruce pulled you behind him while Tony and Thor grabbed Peter dragging him away from you. You felt hot after what Peter had just done; in front of people too. He thrashed in Thor’s and Tony’s grasp, groaning and shouting from them to let him go. 

You felt tears brimming your eyes. You did not like Peter like this. He was crying and begging to be with you, which you’ll admit surprised you. 

“What’s happening to him?” you asked from behind Banner.

“The boy seems to have inhaled the pollen as I said not to do.”

“Yeah I get that! Why is he crying? Is he hurt?” you asked.

“Not exactly, the pollen will affect his mind and simulate pain as if he were to die, but his body will be perfectly fine.”

“What?” you all said at the same time.

“How do we fix it?” Tony asked.

“Y/n, baby. Please,” Peter practically moaned making everyone kind of uncomfortable.

“Well, the only way I’m aware of is, well, sex. And it seems like Peter desires the young lady,” you eyes widened and you shifted under everyone’s stares. 

“No, no way,” Tony said; you were like a daughter to Tony and therefore boys were something he wasn’t too keen on the idea of you having. He still thinks you’re too young even though you’re already a consenting adult. 

“Tony, the boy-”

“No, I’m not letting Y/n do that. We’ll find a different cure. Take him to his room and don’t let him out.”

“Tony, are you sure about this?” Bruce asked Tony.

“Yes I’m sure, Banner. There’s no way in hell I’m putting her in that situation. It’s not fair. Now come on, more time talking, less time finding a cure.”

“Technically there’s already a cure,” Thor muttered. 

“Go!” Tony pushed him out. 

“Is he gonna be ok?” you softly asked, hearing his cries and screams for you as Thor took him to is room.

“He’s gonna be alright, bug,” Tony said, hugging you. 

Steve and Nat both walked in the lab after changing out  of their clothes concerned with all the screaming they had been hearing.

“What happened?” Nat asked.

“Thor had us bring this plant home for analysis and turns out this shit makes anyone who smells the pollen horny as hell.”

“Really? Come on Tony, we heard the kid crying and screaming. What’s really going on?” Steve didn’t believe him at first.

“He wants to… have sex,” Bruce said shyly.

“Wait really?” Nat asked.

“With who?” Steve hesitantly asked curiously.

Tony and Bruce simply look at you, which you curled into yourself feeling embarrassed. 

“Oh no, honey are you ok? Did he do anything?” Nat asked, holding your hand.

“I’m fine, I’m just worried about him.”

“Don’t. We’ll fix this I promise,” Tony said getting to work.

Well now it’s been 8 hours and Peter is still crying and moaning your name. You had been in Nat's room with her, Steve, and Bucky. Sam and Thor had been outside ‘patrolling’ Peter’s room making sure he was as ok as he can be, though it’s been proven that he seems to be in excruciating pain. 

Tony and Bruce had been in the lab the entire day, you’d think they made wonderful progress and found a cure by now but no. All they’ve found was normal samples of Peter’s… everything. He was physically perfectly fine. 

You were very quiet as they played video games and watched movies. You couldn’t help but feel burdened because you knew you could fix all of this. All you needed to do was go to Peter’s room and let him have his way with you. It’s not like you wouldn’t mind. You and Peter have always had this sort of tension and extra friendly behavior between you guys ever since you met. 

To say you hadn’t developed feelings for him would be a huge lie. 

“Are you ok?” Nat asked you.

“No, not really.”

“I know you want to help him but it’s for the better. Let Tony and Bruce find a cure.”

“Actually that won’t be happening anytime soon,” Thor said, walking with Sam. 

“What happened?” Steve asked.

“They haven’t found anything and although Peter will be physically fine, mentally he could be extremely traumatized by the time they find something, if anything. The pollen mimics physical pain until sexual ‘needs’ are fulfilled by the person they desire most,” Thor looked to you at the end. 

“I want to help him,” you said.

“Y/n, that’s not fair to you,” Steve said.

“And it’s not fair to Peter if I don’t help! He didn’t mean to smell the flower. I can't just sit here waiting for nothing to happen when I can go in there and help him!” you argued, “If I don’t, he’ll not only hate you for keeping me away from him but me too for not trying.”

“Don’t be silly, he’d never hate you,” Nat said.

“He will if I’m the reason he’s going to be traumatized for the rest of his life.”

“Come with me,” Nat said, holding your hand.

“Nat,” Steve warned.

“Steve, you and I both know this has to happen. They’re adults,” Nat shot back. 

You followed Nat out of the room. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this? Your first time should be special-”

“First time?” your eyes widen.

“Y/n, I know you're a virgin.”

“I’m not a virgin,” you mumbled.

“Really? When was your first?” she poked.

“It was- was in, it was high school,” you stuttered.

“With who?”

“... Tommy?” you said after a long moment of silence, trying to come up with a name.

“Tommy?” Nat smirked.

“Yeah, he was in my history class,” you lied.

“Ok we’ll work on that,” she said.

“On what?”

“Lying.”

“Hey, virginity is merely a social construct made by men who think their tiny dicks have the ability to change a woman’s life. It’s gonna be like a five second pump; I’ll be in and out,” Nat laughed at that.

“Ok, fine. Follow me.”

You followed her to Peter’s room where his moans and groans got louder with each step you got closer. Truthfully you were a bit nervous about the situation. Sure you did imagine your first to be extra special in a dim lit room with flowers and with someone you love. Well, now it looks like it’s going to be a dark room with your best friend who’s in the room driven by magic sex pollen, but at least you love him. 

You got to the door and Peter instantly knew you were on the other side. His senses overwhelmed him with your scent, your racing heart beat. You exchanged a few words with Nat before she hugged you and left you to go into his room alone. 

You slipped inside and immediately met with Peter crawling on the floor to you in nothing but a pair of boxers; a large prominent tent formed where his dick was. 

“Y/n, you’re here,” he rubbed your legs and kissed your thighs softly still on the floor at your feet. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m here to help you,” you said shakily.

“Oh god, you smell so good,” his hand reached up behind your thighs towards your ass and you panicked. 

“Peter wait,” you pulled his hand away. 

“What, baby? What’s wrong?” he too panicked.

“Nothing, I just… I’m kinda scared.”

“Of what? Of me?” he stood up and backed away from you.

“No! Not of you. I’ve never… done this, you know?”

“Y/n, why are doing this then- ugh!” he groaned, a wave of need and sexual frustration rushed over him making his body cramp. 

“I want to help you,” you grabbed his hand; he pulled his hand back very quickly and retracted his body over to the bed. 

“Peter, please let me help you,” you walked over to him.

“No, Y/n. I can’t do that to you.”

You were getting tired of his arguing. You wanted to do this. You rushed to him and took your shirt off hoping that’ll prove a point or something. 

“Look, look. I want to help you, Pete. Let me do that,” you cupped his face making him look at you. 

His eyes were so dilated nearly black as he looked into your eyes. His hands caressed your bare stomach and lower back making goosebumps rise across your body. He leaned forward running his nose along your neck breathing you in. He used every ounce of control he had in his body to not flip you on the bed rail you into the mattress. He had to be gentle. The idea of you never have been touched shouldn't have turned him on as much as it does. 

Your stomach fluttered and you let out a shaky breath. Arousal pooled in your underwear with each move that Peter made. Your hands rested on his shoulders unsure of what to do but thankfully Peter moved your hands in his hair and you gently ran your fingers through his curly brown locks as he kissed and nibbled at your neck. 

He moved your bra strap down your shoulder tracing his lips along your collarbone to your shoulder.

“I'm so sorry, baby,” he whispered against your skin.

“It’s ok Pete, I want to help you. Teach me. Teach me how to make you feel good.” 

He practically growled picking you up and laying you on his bed. He kissed your stomach and left small bites and purple marks littered across your belly. He looked at you to make sure you were ok before pulling your shorts down your legs and off to the side. He continued to kiss up and down your legs growing harder at the small pants and gasps you made above him. 

“I'm gonna give you a little taste, ok darling?” he whispered against your inner thighs.

You nodded and lifted your hips off the bed for Peter to easily take your underwear off. You grew embarrassed at how wet you were. Peter only chuckled before going in a licking along your entrance. You gasped and clenched your thighs together, only to wrap around Peter’s head pulling him closer to you.

This isn’t Peter’s first time eating a girl out so he was obviously quite skilled in bringing you a lot of pleasure from his tongue alone. Now in his twenties, after high school and after his identity was revealed, Peter somewhat tumbled his way into playboy town just like his mentor. 

Girls left and right shot their chance to spend a night in the spider boy’s bed. But when Peter met you, oh boy, the kid fell in love. You were this innocent little thing that Peter just wanted to hold and take care of all the time. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. He stopped seeing other women in hopes that one day you’d be out of your mind enough to give him a shot. 

Now here you were, laying in his bed like an angel, letting him have his way with you because he was shithead and smelled the flower when he wasn’t supposed to. 

Your hips squirmed around, pressure building up in the pit of your stomach. You moaned loudly as you got closer to your oragsm. Your hands went to Peter’s hair making him hum when you tugged on his hair. His vibrations pushed over the edge and you came for the first time that night on Peter’s face.

“God that was hot, baby. Are you ok?” he asked, crawling up your body after discarding his boxers.

“Yeah, that was amazing,” you cupped his face, smiling.

He leaned down and kissed you for the first time ever. His hands roamed your almost naked body except for your bra of which you still had on. Not for long of course. Peter leaned back to sit up pulling you with him so you were now sitting straddling his lap. 

You could feel his dick against you and your body shuddered in arousal. His hands wrapped around you to skillfully remove your bra, the last piece of clothing left on you. When he did so you covered yourself in instinct never having been naked in front of anyone before in your life. 

“Don’t cover up princess. You’re so beautiful. I wanna see you,” he whispered, cupping his hand under your chin so you could look at him.

“Sorry, it’s- It’s a lot,” you whispered back. 

“I know and I’ll try to go slow but if I’m not inside you right now I think I’m gonna pass out,” he moaned. 

You looked down in between your bodies to find Peter’s dick big, swollen, and red. You felt bad because you don’t know if it’ll fit inside you and it looks painful. 

“Please, Yn,” Peter had tears in eyes begging for you to take the pain away.

“Ok, I’m ready.”

Peter grabbed his cock and lined up to your entrance. You got up and slowly sank down feeling him stretching you out. With how aroused and wet you were after Peter’s mouth you were able to slide all the way down without feeling too much pain.

Peter moaned when he bottomed out and grabbed your face you kiss passionately. You moved slowly up and down and soon all the pain you felt subsided into pleasure and you too started moaning above him. 

“You look so fucking good riding me, princess.”

His words made you moan even more embarrassed that everyone can probably hear you and Peter having sex. You bit your lip in hopes to silence the moans as much as possible, but Peter didn’t like that.

“Don’t. I want everyone in this building to know who fucking you this good,” he flipped you over onto you back and started thrusting wildly. 

“Let them know what a good little girl you are for daddy. Let them know who’s name you’re gonna be screaming all night.”

“Peter oh god,” you moaned.

“Huh? You like it when I call you a good girl?”

“Yes!”

“My good girl. My little slut,” Peter groaned in your ear.

You were getting insanely close to your climax and Peter’s words only sped up the approach. 

“Daddy, I think I’m close,” you whispered, pleasure becoming overwhelming.

“Let go baby. Cum all over my cock,” he said.

Your oragsm ripped through you and you practically screamed into his ear. Pleasure came over you in a huge wave. Your eyes screwed shut and your legs wrapped around Peter’s torso pulling him impossibly close. Your body felt limp under Peter’s and when you opened your eyes Peter's face held worrisome and frustration. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“I haven’t came,” his voice trembled.

“It’s ok. We can keep going,” you said tiredly.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he buried his face in your neck.

“You won’t hurt me, Peter. I promise.”

He kissed softly before gently flipping you over and thrusted into furiously.

Six hours later Peter finally came after you did so nine times; and that was before you stopped counting. Your body shook and Peter cleaned you up. He had a small fridge where he kept drinks from time to time and grabbed a water bottle for you to drink. 

You breathed heavily after drinking a copious amount of water before laying back down. You turned to check the clock on his bedside and saw that it was around three thirty in the morning. Peter crawled into bed with you, both still naked not caring enough to change. He held you impossibly close, burying his face in your shoulder. 

“I’m so sorry. Are you ok?” he mumbled in your skin. 

“I mean it was a lot,” you chuckled.

“I swear if it weren’t for that stupid fucking pollen our first time would have been softer and special,” he said, making you look at him with surprise. 

“What do you mean?”

“Uh, well, look. Y/n, I really like you and I know that timing is horrible but it’s true. I promise.”

“Well, I like you too,” you smiled at him.

“Really?”

“Yeah!”

“Wow. God, you’re amazing. Thank you for today,” he whispered, cuddling you close.

“Of course. I’d do anything for you.” 

You both fell  asleep soundly in each other's arms until you both woke up the next day from loud yet muffled voices downstairs. The sun was shining very bright, lighting the whole room up brightly. You stirred around and peeked over Peter’s sleeping body to find that it was around noon already and you two were still in bed. 

Peter moved a bit slowly waking up. You turned around to face and watched his beautiful face slowly come to life. His eyes met your eyes and you both smiled before bursting into giggles; hiding your face in his chest. 

“We’ll have to get up soon, you know,” he said, making you sigh dramatically.

“Let’s run away, before they make fun of us. They had to have heard, right?” you said, slightly panicked.

Peter just laughed and shook his head. He reached to kiss you, moving your hair off your neck eyes widening. 

“Oh man,” he said, thumb rubbing the dark spots he left on you.

“What?” You pushed the sheets off your body feeling intensely sore. You heard Peter gasped as you trotted to a mirror.

Your body was covered in bruises and hickeys that Peter left for literally everyone to see. When you looked in the mirror you yelled Peter’s name completely shocked at the state of your body. 

“I can’t believe you!”

“Well, in my opinion I think you looking fucking sexy,” he said coming up behind you.

“I like them,” you said shyly, “But everyone’s gonna see them, no?”

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen next time.”

“Next time?”

“Hell yeah. Only if you want of course,” he chuckled, “Let’s take a shower before we grab some food.”

That was filled with giggles and little touches. Kisses were exchanged practically every minute. You both came out of the shower and Peter so generously lent you a pair of clean boxers and one of his shirts fitting way too big on you. He wore these delicious looking grey sweatpants and a tight fitted black shirt. You practically drooled over him.

“No, later,” he winked.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers before heading down stairs preparing for what could be an upcoming disaster. You came down stairs meeting everyone appearing to be arguing probably over what you did. Everyone noticed you two and immediately stopped conversing. 

Tony sat on a stool, arms crossed and an unamused look staring at you both while everyone else looked down or at each other, anywhere at but you guys.

“Before you say anything, everything that happened is my fault,” Peter pulled you behind him. 

Tony simply looked at you and made you feel shy and ashamed somewhat under his gaze. He told you to stay away and you didn’t listen.

“Don’t even look at her. She has nothing to do with this,” he said when Tony shifted his gaze.

“Relax, kid. Look we all talked. Thor told me about the effects the pollen can have mentally and the trauma it can impact when ‘untreated’ for too long. We weren’t going to find a cure anytime soon and I don’t even want to think about the consequences you’d have to pay because I'm a stubborn old man who didn’t like seeing the kids not be kids anymore. You both are adults and I had no right to interfere with that. Besides everyone knows you two are in love.”

“We’re not in love,” Peter mumbled.

“Love is such a strong word,” you mumbled simultaneously. 

“Don’t argue with me,” Tony said. 

“Sorry,” you both whispered.

“I’m sorry,” he admitted.

“We also agreed that starting today we will be installing soundproofing in both of your rooms and Y/n, maybe put some ice on…” he pointed to your neck but then waved around your whole body because you were pretty beaten up. 

“Thanks, guys,” Peter said holding your hand again.

“Congrats on getting the girl finally,” Steve said.

Before you two left you saw Nat wink at you and you smiled running away with Peter most likely to go cuddle and maybe fuck another round if your body feels better. As much as you hate to admit, thank god Peter smelled that fucking plant. 

[theartofdreaming1]

Here is my attempt at portraying Peeta’s camouflage skills convincingly 😅😅

As usual, my thoughts regarding this week’s prompts and random thoughts on chapters 19-21 are below the cut.

heart

While I love all the banter between Katniss and Peeta, I think my favorite of these three chapters is: “Trust me. Killing things is much easier than this,” I say. “Although for all I know, I am killing you.” “Can you speed it up a little?” he asks. “No. Shut up and eat your pears,” I say. A classic 😄

mind

I always imagined that Cato went after Thresh before coming for Katniss and Peeta because a) Thresh took the backpack for District 2 (which contained the body armor that would make dealing with Katniss’s arrow so much easier) and b) Thresh killed Clove and Cato wanted to avenge her... Although I have no idea how Cato ended up killing Thresh... he was doing pretty well for himself in his grass-y area... Maybe the Gamemakers wanted to punish Thresh for not killing Katniss and generated that thunderstorm and rain to force Thresh out of his refuge, which would give Cato a fair chance to kill him, I guess...

soul

Lol, honestly, since Peeta just generally seems to be motivated by kindness and love/caring, I don’t think it took much for him to keep the star-crossed lovers angle alive (I could easily imagine him actually noticing Katniss in the willow tree early in the Games and offering to take care of the District 8 girl, so the Careers would get the hell out of there, away from Katniss)

Chapter 19:

Peeta, who’s been wounded, is now my ally. [...] I’d loathe any tribute who didn’t immediately ally with their district partner. Besides, it just makes sense to protect each other. - Honestly, this just highlights what a kind person Katniss is, despite her aloof front; her innermost instinct is always to stick together and to protect. Because it doesn’t really make sense for her to team up with Peeta - she knows he’s wounded and won’t be of much help to her, her chances of survival are way better if she stayed on her own, but it’s not something she’d ever consider now that they are allowed to form a team (and only then does she even factor in the whole ‘star-crossed lovers of district 12′ -angle)

Peeta, it turns out, has never been a danger to me. The thought makes me smile. - Aww 😊 (but also, how heart-breaking that the Capitol will do everything in their power to change that, to make Peeta become a danger to Katniss 😢)

He’s very hard to predict, which might be interesting under different circumstances - Okay, but this just makes me think of that exchange in Gilmore Girls when Paris and Rory talk about how you know a guy is right for you:  “Someone who’s compatible but not compatible.” “Yeah, kind of. I mean, you respect each other’s opinions and you can laugh at the same jokes, but I don’t know – there’s just something about not quite knowing what the other person’s gonna do at all times that’s just really exciting.” - fits these two to a T 😏

In fact, I’ve just about decided I’m on the wrong track entirely, that a wounded boy would be unable to navigate getting to and from this water source, when I see the bloody streak - Okay, but how flipping tough is Peeta?! He’s severely injured, with multiple tracker jacker stings and he drags himself to this terrain that is almost impossible to navigate for someone in his condition - a sturdy dandelion, indeed!

“You’re here to finish me off, sweetheart?” - What an entrance after having gone AWOL for quite a couple of chapters 👌🏼👏🏼

“Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.” I jerk my head back but end up laughing. “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.” [...] “Katniss?” Peeta says. I meet his eyes, knowing my face must be some shade of green. He mouths the words “How about that kiss?” I burst out laughing - He’s lying in a river bed, slowly dying, and he can still make her laugh 😊

“You know, you’re kind of squeamish for such a lethal person” - It’s such a small comment, but I can’t help but think that Peeta is just kind of intrigued to discover all these little idiosyncrasies that make up the ever-elusive Katniss Everdeen ;)

Impulsively, I lean forward and kiss him, stopping his words. -  Aww, she doesn’t even want to consider him dying, so she spontaneously decides to cut him off with a kiss👀👀 Honestly, at this point Peeta has elicited 2 (!) spontaneous kisses  (the kiss after the chariot ride and this one) from Katniss, who generally isn’t that big on touching people

“You’re not going to die. I forbid it. All right?” - Stubborn, protective Katniss... But also reminds me of their rooftop “date” in CF and the “Then you’ll allow it?” “I’ll allow it” - exchange

I kiss him awake, which seems to startle him. Then he smiles as if he’d be happy to lie there gazing at me forever. He’s great at this stuff. - KaTNisSs, gurl... 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

Chapter 20:

But I knew he was injured. And still I came after him. I’m just going to have to trust whatever instinct sent me to find him was a good one. - The very best of instincts, Katniss, don’t you worry😉

Peeta’s struggling to get up when I reach the cave. “I woke up and you were gone,” he says, “I was worried about you.” - Gah, why are the both of them so good?! They just care for and worry about each other 24/7

“How do you feel?” “Better than yesterday. This is an enormous improvement over the mud,” he says. “Clean clothes and medicine and a sleeping bag... and you.” Oh right, the whole romance thing. - Oh Katniss...😐 I reach out to touch his cheek and he catches my hand and presses it against his lips. I remember my father doing this very thing to my mother and I wonder where Peeta picked it up. - Where did Peeta pick this up? From a time his family was less dysfunctional? Observing couples in the town square? Or is he a fricking disney prince and these things come natural to him? Questions, questions...

“You didn’t sleep,” Peeta says. “I’m all right,” I say. But the truth is, I’m exhausted. “Sleep now. I’ll keep watch.” [...] I test his cheek. Hot as a coal stove. He claims he’s been drinking, but the containers still feel full to me. I give him more fever pills and stand over him while he drinks first one, then a second quart of water. - These two are just too stubborn to take proper care of themselves - good thing that each of them is adamant to force the other to sleep/drink/eat when necessary

“Besides I like watching you sleep. You don’t scowl. Improves your looks a lot.” - When presented with the choice of being flirty vs being a cheeky little shit, Peeta will choose being a flirty cheeky little shit every time 😂

“I’m going to make soup,” I say. “Don’t light a fire,” he says. “It’s not worth it.” - Okay, but what he’s actually saying is “I’m not worth it” 😭😭

Katniss telling that story about buying Prim’s goat😊... A young buck, probably a yearling by his size. His antlers were just growing in, still small and coated in velvet. [...] Beautiful. - We are all very much aware of Peeta’s appreciation for beauty, but the same does apply to Katniss, too (she’s just overall more pragmatic)

“Was it [the goat] still wearing the pink ribbon?″ he asks. “I think so,” I say. “Why?” “I’m just trying to get a picture,” he says thoughtfully. -  Peeta is so detail-oriented! I have this theory that this is actually something that enables him to overcome his hijacking; we catch glimpses in MJ of how he inches himself out of his condition by asking/focusing on small details or things most people would dismiss as trivial (Katniss’s favorite color, the color of her dress visiting District 7, her Dad singing the Hanging Tree when Peeta was 6 or 7 years old...) and I feel like it makes a lot of sense - his tormentors in the Capitol either wouldn’t have access to distort these moments or not even consider them to have any significance (since they are all about big, flashy gestures in the Capitol), so these memories would remain untouched. Luckily, Peeta seems to live by Robert Brault’s words: “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. “

“Really? What did you cost me again?” I ask. “A lot of trouble. Don’t worry. You’ll get it all back,” he says. - Well, he’s going to cost her a lot more trouble in the future - but we know he’s going to make up for it and bring her much happiness, too 😊

“You’re not risking your life for me.” “Who said I was?” I say. [...] “Of course I’m not going.” [...] “You’re such a bad liar, Karniss.” [...] Anger flushes my face. “All right, I am going, and you can’t stop me!” “I can follow you. At least partway. I may not make it to the Cornucopia, but if I’m yelling your name I bet someone can find me. And then I’ll be dead for sure,” he says. - Soo.. their love language is offering to sacrifice their life like it’s nothing, huh?! 😳😅 

Peeta eats without complaint, even scraping out the pot to show his enthusiasm. He rambles on about how delicious it is, - lol, sounds like a husband trying to get back on his wife’s good side after they had a row 😂

I clamp my hand over his mouth and nose hard, forcing him to swallow instead of spit. He tries to make himself vomit the stuff up, but it’s too late, he’s already losing consciousness. - Ah, the most important indicator of true love: having person A force-feed person B a sedative so they can run off to get them life-saving medicine ;)

Chapter 21:

I lie next to Peeta in the bag, trying to absorb every bit of his fever heat. It’s strange to be so physically close to someone who’s so distant. Peeta might as well be back in the Capitol, - Reminds me how in MJ she’s going to be so close to Peeta (mentally/emotionally) while he will be physically so distant (in the Capitol!)

a tiny orange one [backpack] [...] that must be marked with a 12 - Interesting how that backpack is orange, huh? Why is that? Are smaller backpacks generally orange (like the one Katniss already has) to be more visible or is this simply to connect the backpack to Peeta (though we don’t know his favorite color at this point)? Do the Gamemakers care whether Katniss gets a matching backpack? It just seems like an unnecessary detail to throw in🤔

The table has just clicked into place when a figure darts out of the Cornucopia, snags the green backpack, and speeds off. Foxface! - Honestly, this was a truly brilliant move; kudos! 👏🏼

[Clove] carefully selects an almost dainty-looking number [knife] with a cruel, curved blade. “I promised Cato if he let me have you, I’d give the audience a good show.” [...] “I think...” she almost purrs. “I think we’ll start with your mouth.” [...] she teasingly traces the outline of my lips with the tip of the blade. - Okay, but the idea of Clove cutting off Katniss’s lips is just all kinds of terrifying and disturbing 😨

“No! No, I-” Clove sees the stone, about the size of a small loaf of bread in Thresh’s hand [...] Thresh brings the rock down hard against Clove’s temple. [...] and I know she’s a goner. - Interesting how Katniss describes that rock that basically saves her life (or at least kills her assailant) as bread-sized, huh? “Your district... they sent me bread. [...] Conflicting emotions cross Thresh’s face. He lowers the rock and points at me, almost accusingly. “Just this one time, I let you go. For the little girl.” - Katniss mentions the bread from District 11 as a proof of her alliance with Rue (and the recognition of D11) and Thresh spares her; bread keeps saving her life (while it keeps representing acts of kindness)

Cato kneels beside Clove, spear in hand, begging her to stay with him. - I appreciate this small, humanizing moment with Cato

The last thing I remember is an exquisitely beautiful green and silver moth landing on the curve of my wrist. - I don’t know much about North American insects (not that I know that much about European insects either - just recently came across a relatively rare moth on my walks that I had never seen or heard of before) - is Katniss describing a special/noteworthy species of moth? Or is this a more literary symbolism kind of moth? (Just looked up some symbolism meaning of moths: change/transformation, seeking light; power of regeneration in some Native American mythology, hmm...)

[baka-monarch]

Alrighty! *Slams hands on a desk*

You see this?! *Gestures to the oh so wonderful Music Tubbox au*

It's... it's beautiful.

I have some questions about it that I'd like to hear your thoughts on, if you don't mind. (This is going to be long)

*Before I start, I'm recalling these details with the inability to double check atm but it should be fine*

You mentioned Tubbo wanting to escape the music box to where he wouldn't have to dance if the music box played, so does the box have a certain range of area in order to control Tubbo?

(Now for potential headcanon time >:D)

If so, a fluffy route is Tommy and Tubbo chilling (after knowing each other for a bit) and having placed the music box deep in the basement or something. They could get rid of it, but they don't know if the magic tied to Tubbo is also tied as close with the box. (Life line stuff- and it's not fluff anymore. I tried.)

The angst route tho (and gotta love some angst) is if say Tubbo is out of the general "range" of the box to dance but the music box calls to him-the music is played- from wherever. A scenario where Tubbo can't ignore its call and is forced to go reunite with the box- whether he's concious of the pull and heading back to where it is despite the dread or whether he's unconscious, like its an automatic process and his mind blanks as he hurries to be back with the box. (The possibilities if someone got their hands on the box with the angst mhmm)

And speaking of someone getting ahold of the music box...

Dream.

:)

Dream gets ahold of the box (maybe noticing Tommy originally getting it, or like, Wilbur might've been doing a photo gallery of things to sell to potential customers idk stay with me, and skips over it fast or is like "oh, I already sold that one" to try and cover the fact that the box is very much NOT for sale, and not within their possession in case anyone did perk up with interest)

I don't know what Dream's profession would be... or relationship with Wilbur and co, but I could see him doing it (taking the box) to mess with Tommy. He took one of Tommy's finds that Tommy seems to appreciate. (The whole "you're too fun" dynamic because c!Dream just loves seeing kids in pain)

Dream could know about Tubbo prior or after the whole thing. (After playing the music box, Dream sees Tubbo arrive at some point to be with the box)

Tubbo is understandably terrified. Tubbo and the music box had never really been separated before this moment -out of the range-. (Tommy could have either just agreed to not play the box and have put it downstairs or Tubbo tried to escape the range and Tommy physically went after him, not choosing to utilize the music box.)

OR ALTERNATIVELY They do know, maybe Tubbo could have known this would happen because Tommy and him tested it out to see if he was free and Tubbo was like "I didn't want to come back... it /made/ me come back..." So que the alarm bells when Tommy realizes the box is gone after he can't find Tubbo.

Anyway! Back to Tubbo and Dream. (Tbh as soon as doll!Tubbo became a tag I went "Pawn? Puppeteer Dream? Porcelain doll? Puppet?!) A chess piece for a pawn might be bigger than doll!Tubbo... (o.O) 2-3 inches is pretty small.

So... assuming Dream does realize how important Tubbo is to Tommy, Dream uses it to his advantage. (Is making Tubbo dance the only thing the music box can do? Or could it control Tubbo to do other things as well 👀... depending on the music box holder 👀... up to you)

That brings me to the doll!Tubbo is "fairly fragile" as you stated in one of the asks. Which yes, great, stunning, he can feel things, and if one of his arms gets chopped off? Well that's alot of damage. Can Tubbo die while he's "fairly fragile"? (I mean the name implies he's fragile so... I guess so...)

Because alternatively, (and this is just for the idea) consider Tubbo still being fragile physically, but he can't die-or atleast is hard to kill-. A porcelain body, but he doesn't really feel sensations. (Because he is a doll, and do dolls breathe, do dolls have heartbeats, hmm) Tubbo's body is still breakable, maybe he loses an arm. "What a shame" but he lives on, there's not much he can do. He can't feel anything besides the solids underneath him and the things he touches. No smell or texturized sensations. He can't feel pain, so he could get cut up into pieces and still be aware of exsistence. (The whole clothes stuck to body thing tho I don't want to disprove that)

If he couldn't feel pain, imagine Dream drilling small holes on his body to add little puppeteer strings. Dream is excited he can't wait to hold /this/ over Tommy's head.

Tubbo, being dragged by strings, is completely helpless, and once realizing that Dream relishes in his struggles, has mainly given up.

Do they talk to one another? Who knows...

You mentioned a potential counter curse which... fluff good fluff, but what of it involved Tubbo slowly gaining "human characteristics" back (more so to the idea that Tubbo can't feel sensations, smell things or feel pain)

And then the drilling starts, and for the first time in a long time, Tubbo feels pain. (Also the drilling puppet strings is dark, yessir, but I forgot Tubbo was porcelain and was like ah yes wood doll, ah yes, puppet strings go brr)

Anyway, that was my ramble, thanks for reading this!

-EchoLocation

FINALLY!!! SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN THIS AU!!! THANK YOU ECHOLOCATION!!!!!!

Okay okay okay-

So (it's gonna be hard to answer all of this but I'mma try-)

Music box control: there is a range, basically if Tubbo can hear the music he has to dance to it- BUT if he's out of range and someone plays the music he is forced to get into range to hear it from the curse (like what you said with him being stuck in a trance and going to find it). As for control, you can use the box to make him do other things, but you have to change the melody (music boxes have this little metal roll in them that has dots to play the song, and you can buy a new one and change it any time) and sing an actual song to that melody about what you want him to do- singing to the original melody doesn't work

Dream: Dream is probably someone who buys and trades stolen items from Wilbur alot. And most likely a hidden fae. So, Wilbur had taken a picture of the box and posted it on his (secret) website before he knew about Tubbo, and when Dream saw it- he immediately recognised the cursed music box and wanted it. Of course by then Wilbur would be unwilling to sell it, but Dream has his ways (fae cursed the box remember? So, what fae that's going to steal this box do you think was there when it was cursed? Dream. So who knows how to utilize the curse? Dream.)

Tubbo and pain: Tubbo can feel pain. But he can't die. So you can shatter him to a million pieces and he would be in agony unless someone glued him back together- and he can't pass out- (I know, I'm a monster). Dream knows all of this- so when he wants a puppet it just makes him do a sloppy job at drilling the holes in, just so he can hurt Tubbo more.

Counter curse: through the counter Tubbo would turn back very slowly, and it would take at least a year to turn completely human again (although he would be free from the box's control instinaniously)- as well as, even though he was turned into a tiny doll, he can't be grown back, so he's now a tiny human- but at least a free tiny human

(I think I got it all?)

Mcyt g/t tag list:

@nomynameisanon @trashpumped @loriepoptale @encaos @i-am-a-weeb @wyforyu-gaming @shy-septic-dragon @5unfl0writ3r @colorfulsiren @moonmwah @iwasgoingtohellanyways @echoslime @wilbur-simp @trouble-off-grid @the-misfits-system

[screechthemighty]

I can’t think of a title for this, and therefore feel weird posting it to AO3, but I also didn’t write over 1k words of Caustic getting dunked on not to share it, so...here’s a thing I wrote. Maybe I’ll post it to AO3 later if I can think of something for a title. Also, this is the closest to writing something canon-compliant you will ever see me write.

CW: Racism/xenophobia, character hate (Caustic), google translate/Papago Korean and Hindi (open to corrections, alleged translations at the bottom). 

----------

Getting paired with Crypto and Caustic was the worst thing to happen to Elliott all week.

It was bad enough that he wasn’t overly fond of either of them (Caustic less so than Crypto, guy gave him the creeps), but they’d been glaring daggers at each other since the whole Crypto is the traitor! No, Caustic is the traitor! thing that had gone down back on Talon. It threw off the vibe. Elliott found himself nervous-rambling more and more as the match went on, which just got him some daggers of his own, which just made him nervous-ramble more, and at this rate it was going to be a miracle if they actually won.

I can’t work under these conditions, he thought as he crouched behind cover, eyes desperately scanning the new environment. Caustic had already put up traps around the room and Crypto was flying his drone around, trying to figure out how screwed they were. They knew it was going to be a bloodbath—there were way too many teams left and it was a late-game ring, that always ended badly—but if they could just avoid the worst of it…

“Have you found anything yet?” Caustic said, in a tone that could only be described as sneering.

“ 나는 여전히 일하고 있다.,” Crypto responded absentmindedly. Elliott didn’t know what that meant, but if he had to guess based on context, it was probably something like, Hold your horses, I’m trying. This part of the map must’ve been absolute shit for drone flying. Too many buildings. “ 왜 현수막을 못 찾겠어 …”

Caustic scoffed. “Fine. Hide behind your language then, coward.”

Elliott froze. Oh, boy. If the vibes had been bad before, they were worse now. Crypto’s gaze snapped up to meet Caustic’s with a glare that was the reason the phrase if looks could kill existed. “I’m still working,” he said slowly, like he was talking to a toddler. “I can’t find a banner. But I haven’t found any evidence of squads nearby.”

“That’s good, right? That’s great news!” Words flew out of Elliott’s mouth before he could stop them. “Not dead yet, right, buddies? Eh?” Crypto had turned his attention back to his drone, leaving Caustic to glare at Elliott. “No? Okay. Shutting up now…”

Once Crypto finally found a banner and confirmed they were in the one tiny portion of the remaining map that didn’t have any squads nearby, and pinged the next ring location, they pushed ahead to set up a possible ambush. Everything was in place, gas traps and drones hidden in little nooks to catch anyone fleeing the ring, and Elliott had even found a triple take, which was pretty great. He was just starting to get into the groove of an ambush when…

“I want to make something clear.”

Uh-oh.

Elliott turned around, bracing himself for an argument. That sounded like an Elliott did something stupid voice from Crypto, and he wasn’t even sure he had done anything yet. Elliott was relieved—then terrified—to see that tone was actually meant for Caustic.

“I’m not hiding behind anything.” Crypto didn’t even sound angry; he just sounded cold. “You might still be hung up on Talon, but I have other things to worry about. I have absolutely nothing to say to you and I’m not going to deny myself my own language to soothe your pointless paranoia. 걱정이 되면 한국어를 배울 수 있다*.” And then, because this situation couldn’t possibly get more intense, Crypto stepped right into Caustic’s personal space. “And if I wanted to call you a small-minded xenophobic viper, you would know my meaning very plainly, Doctor Nox.”

Having four older brothers meant Elliott was pretty good at smelling when a fight was about to break out. And this was definitely, dangerously close to coming to blows. “Hey, uhhh, friendly reminder, all three of us get in trouble if you two start friendly firing,” Elliott said, physically inserting himself between the two of them. That involved getting way closer to either man than he really wanted to, but it was better than the alternative. “So maybe, crazy thought, Caustic can apologize, and we pretend it didn’t happen for another five minutes?”

“I have nothing to apologize for,” Caustic said.

“I don’t want his apology,” Crypto interjected.

“Whatever! I don’t really care! Just don’t kill each other! Okay? Anyone wanna help me actually do this ambush or what?”

They backed down after that. Elliott doubted anything he’d actually said changed their minds. They were probably just sick of the forced physical proximity, but he’d take it as a win. Okay, only a partial win. He was still stuck on a team with the two of them and way too many other people in an increasingly small ring.

“Hey, Crypto, how do you say I’m gonna die in Korean?”

“You’re not going to die,” Crypto sighed. Then, “But it’s 난 죽을 것이다.”

“…y’know what, I’ll work on that pronunciation later.” Or he’d forget the second he was out of the ring. That was more likely.

Shockingly, Crypto was right. He didn’t die, because they somehow won. Crypto and Caustic must’ve turned that latent aggression they were feeling for each other against the last of the competitors. That was fine by Elliott. As long as they weren’t killing each other while he was on the team.

Of course, when it was over, he immediately dished to Ramya about what went down.

“That rubber-coated tosser said what?!”

“Yeah, it’s weird, right? If Crypto had something to say, he’d just say it. Trust me, I know he hates me.” Elliott didn’t think Crypto had ever talked shit in Korean—though it’d probably be pretty obvious from context if he did. Wouldn’t be the first time Elliott had been called a dumbass in a non-English language. “And if I’m understanding what Gibraltar said, Caustic threw him under the bus, so what’s the deal? If you start shit, you don’t get to be pissy if you get shit back. That’s like…the rules.” A brief moment of self-reflection said that was probably hypocritical of him to say, but at least Elliott had some awareness of how shit worked. Again. Four older brothers. He knew the score.

Ramya snorted dismissively. “You really think a guy like Caustic thinks the rules apply to him? Or that it’s just about whatever happened on Talon? Speaking of...” Caustic was lurking nearby, stalking down the hallway as if this were still the arena and he was looking for his next victim. “Hey, Witt, watch this. Doc!” Ramya waited until Caustic was looking at her, then did that thing Brits did that looked like a peace sign but was actually basically the middle finger. “ अपने आप के लिए, गधे हो अपनी राय रखें।.**”

Caustic froze, eyes narrowing as he ran over whatever it was Ramya said. Elliott was genuinely nervous he was going to do something about it, but Caustic kept on walking, scoffing noisily as he went. “गधे!***” Ramya called after him.

“Uh, are you sure that’s a guy who want to be antagonizing?” Elliott asked nervously.

“What’s he going to do about it? Try to hurt my feelings? Call me ignorant? Hah!” She went back to her project. “Joke’s on him, I speak three languages and know how to make a gun from scratch. What does he do? Make fart bombs?”

“Wait, three?!”

“…eh, two and a half. I haven’t spoken Punjabi in a while. I’ve probably forgotten some bits. Point being, he can’t say shite about me.” She grinned mischievously. “And he’s going to have to get used to not knowing what I’m saying about him.”

Oh, no. “I shouldn’t have told you about this,” Elliott groaned. “He’s going to think I’m an accessory. I don’t want any part in this.”

“Too late.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He really didn’t. That was the worst part.

Oh, well, at least Crypto would probably find it funny. Elliott might not have been friendly with him or anything, but he had to admit: after Talon, the guy could probably use something to cheer him up.

.

.

What any not-diagetically-translated lines are supposed to mean even though they probably are wrong because Google Translate (hopefully the copy-paste of the Korean and Hindi are like...readable).

*“If you’re worried, you can learn Korean.”

**“Keep your opinion to yourself, asshole.”

***“Jackass!“

Also, technically Crypto said “Why can’t I find the banner” not “I can’t find a banner” but I don’t think he’d give an exact translation of him talking to himself anyways, just the gist of what he meant.

[cryptidshuffle]

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke?  For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately.  ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

[normal-thoughts-official]

more malec livewatch, everyone! i decided to start making the posts separately instead of keeping reblogging the same one over and over because i don’t want to drive everyone crazy with that gigantic fucking post. you can read the first ones here and i’ll keep updating the posts to lead to the next ones i guess. also im tagging it malec livewatch for those who want to avoid this nonsense

so let’s brave pre-wedding episode 12 i guess

oh boy.... we’re gonna do it... we’re gonna experience the Maximum Cringe

the special effects are so BAD odaijsdoaj when he summons the wine into Alec’s hand it’s just...... god

“we never finished our conversation” i mean you were the one who finished it magnus so wtf are you going on about

“it’s about family, tradition, honor” yeah we get it zuko boi duoahsiudhdiusa

really tho like he’s so clearly just.... reciting it. taking some shit out off the top of his head about how it’s the right thing and it’s sad tbh

he clearly kinda already has a script too? like “you and I understand marriage very differently” he says it right off the bat, he’s been thinking it over and hghgghgh

magnus goes near alec and alec swallows immediately and magnus ain’t even making a move to touch him yet. just diuahsdah it’s so obvious how hard he’s trying to hold back here

“you’re confusing me” is like the only thing he says the whole scene that sounds genuine

he’s paying so much attention to magnus’ dumb little speech about what love feels like too like. he’s trying to hold back but he’s very clearly pulled in, and i don’t even think it’s by magnus specifically (i mean obviously cuz have you seen him) but because he... kind of wants to hear it, kind of wants magnus to give him some golden argument that will make his whole resolution shatter. except he doesn’t because he doesn’t know what he’ll do then, but he’s still hoping for something and it’s sad

like how magnus clearly pauses like he’s waiting for alec’s reaction too, like. alec makes to leave and magnus doesn’t go after him, but he speaks, and alec stops. only when alec stops he gets closer. only when alec looks at him, clearly waiting to hear more, does he begin to talk again. i dig that even if most of this scene is kinda ugh to me

i hate how he uses his magic tho like what’s the point?? like yes i know that magic “can’t create feelings” but still dauhdsa it kinds feels like he’s cheating or trying to manipulate alec or something and i’m.. not into how the whole thing is done

oof hate how alec says “this is all just a game to you, isn’t it?” like bitch you know damn well it’s not like he’s putting himself at risk and showing you so much vulnerability and i hate how he goes for the whole “oh magnus doesn’t care about anything he’s just a seductive lothario” narrative in here lowkey. like i know he’s just trying to distance himself and he doesn’t fully believe it but... aaaaa i hate it

and he’s so HURT by alec’s words too like the rejection doesn’t hurt him as much as hearing alec say that he just flirts and it means nothing to him does. he’s trying so fucking hard to be open and honest and taking such a RISK (psychological, emotional, even physical) and alec is just throwing all of that bullshit persona he’s actively trying not to hide behind in his face, belittling all his efforts and feelings, and aaa

like again i don’t really blame alec but he truly is so hurt

still wonder what alec was about to say when he turned around to talk to him and magnus wasn’t there anymore tbh like. probably something else to try and distance himself so it’s probably good magnus left and isn’t there to hear it and it kind of forces alec to really think it over to himself instead of trying to argue but...... i do wonder what he was going to say diahsiduahdisah

magnus doesn’t even answer the whole “this means nothing to you” veiled accusation which.... also hurts like idk if he’s trying to avoid a fight or derailing like alec clearly is trying to, or if he just is too tired to have this argument, or if he just doesn’t want to open up this much, but either way he doesn’t acknowledge it except for his hurt look and oof

no one cares about jace and clary talking or whatever’s happening here next

i had never noticed the way magnus winks at clary when he says “oh, it’s happy hour somewhere, my dear” daishdaiuh it’s kinda cute tbh

hodge is so uncomfortable like the way he talks to magnus and gets too close to him... in a way that he doesn’t with anyone else either like he’s clearly just lowkey despising him/getting into his space and magnus notices too and it gives me the heebie jeebies

diuhaiudsahduaishdai magnus’ IMMEDIATE reaction of “why is ragnor fell there, he’s not more powerful than me” asohdaiudha we stan bickering bffs i truly love them so much

“he’s older than you” “certainly not wiser” daiohsahda

i think he might also be lowkey trying to protect ragnor and take the clave’s attention away from him now that i think about it but still i love their bickering

nah that’s cancelled he immediately rats him out on having been jocelyn’s profesor lmaoo

“that’s why he hasn’t been responding to my fire messages” daoihdsaiohads someone needs to lick their wounds

he’s just like “oh ragnor is hiding in his specific safehouse outside of london” like daoiusduaihdasuda love how he just knows that off the top of his head when ragnor clearly didn’t actually tell him about it since he just fucked off and hasn’t been responding

“didn’t know you were here” “that was the point” doaiuhdasiouhdaiuhdas

like i know he’s talking about the marriage but also.... just mood in general tbh

again with the eye flickering. hes looking at magnus, no hes not, yeah he is, haha SIKE, oh there it is again, nope it’s gone..... kinda funny cuz like i know that alec’s eyes flicker a lot in general but afterwards when they are together every time he looks at magnus it’s just so pointed and intense and focused on him so the contrast of watching the s1 scenes and realizing how little his glances at magnus always lasted is... interesting and heartbreaking. like obviously he doesn’t want to be looking at any man for too long, doesn’t want to take that risk, keeps hyper aware of his attraction at all times, but he still can’t help the glances and then when he can look he just does it so unapologetically and intensely and you can tell that it’s just. intimate to him (to both of them really) right then, and wow

i know we talk a lot about alec’s Big Hands but magnus’ hands are so nice too in like a totally different way... anytime he holds anything it just looks like he’s treating it like it’s precious, it’s so delicate and careful and his hands are smooth and pretty and wow i love him so fucking much

wow can’t believe nothing heartbreaking at all happens when they go to ragnor’s house and that ragnor just winks at magnus like “haha yes i am ‘dead’” and magnus is like “yes, this is a lie and a ruse and also a plan. i am perfectly aware that ragnor is not dead at all”

ragnor says “my dear friend, i will always be here for you” with so much honesty and love and ugh i love them like they’re always little bitches to each other but they still have the room to be perfectly loving and honest with each other and i stan

ragnor looks at magnus with so much fucking hurt when magnus says “i prayed she would love me the same” like you can tell it destroys him to even remember it or think about it and aaa

“he was always so much better looking than you” and the way magnus purses his lips in what is clearly a smile like he just knows it’s the teasing and he loves ragnor and their dynamic and i just daouhdsauida also he’s so beautiful boy i die

the way ragnor says “someday, someone will come and will tear down those walls you put around you and around your heart” and magnus looks at him with so much. fucking PAIN in his eyes because someone did but it got nowhere and in the end alec just kind of acknowledged his walls again and went back to pretending that it never happened and that magnus didn’t progress or open up to it at all, that magnus was just lying, that it’s just a game and dauhdaiudha god he’s so HURT

again i owe harry shum jr my entire life like he might be seriously the best actor i’ve ever seen in any show, he’s so damn expressive and talented in every little motion he’s truly a pearl in the desert of shit that is this show

“even in death, you give the best advice” ugh love how this really cements that magnus is used to opening up to ragnor and even with their bickering there’s so much room for them to be emotionally honest like we stan

anyway sure wish this had any emotional continuity whatsoever but at least the cringefest is over. onto an actual good scene fucking finally

love every little detail about this scene as yall probably already know so i’ll try not to point every single one of them out yet again but who knows if i’ll succeed. i bet that i won’t tbh

love the contrast between alec looking so tense when lydia comes down the aisle and she’s like all smiles and shit

she’s before him and he can barely look at her like his eyes flicker a bit between her and the bouquet and he settles on the bouquet this whole thing is so... wrong so clearly, like i could show it to someone who doesn’t know shit about sh and they would be able to tell that nothing fits

even alec’s clothes are weird, like idk i don’t understand fashion but his look looks so disjointed, like the blazer doesn’t really match the pants, the bowtie looks weird and doesn’t match the buttons, and shit and nothing about him looks like it’s in the right place. and everyone else (except maybe izzy who also looks miserable lmao) looks like a perfect picture and he’s just.... idk there’s this aura of wrongness around him that’s subtle but really well done in the terms of costume and shit. the costume department really went off in this whole scene honestly like we stan. possibly the only ones other than the actors who knew what the fuck they were doing lmao

when lydia smiles at izzy and izzy barely moves up the corner of one of her lips dajdasnjdan she looks even more miserable than alec does and god i love the lightwood siblings so much like i truly do. she’s supporting him because she’s decided she’s not going to keep pushing him when it only leads to him not trusting her but she’s all broken that he’s broken, and she was willing to take his place and throw her life away even when that’s everything she’s always tried to avoid, just so he wouldn’t have to do this, and aaaaa

who cares about jace and clary looking at each other @directing team like seriously get over this

he turns in the direction of the silent brother in an almost kind of jerking motion like he completely forgot about where he was supposed to go or something, like again he’s just... not in it

they are holding hands in the WEIRDEST possible way too like there’s so much distance between them it’s almost funny ldaojsja

he tries to smile at lydia when she’s about to put the rune on his arm like he knows she knows that he’s hating this and he’s just bearing it and trying to not make her uncomfortable? like doajdsaoj

the way that magnus INTERRUPTS not just the wedding but also the chorus, you could tell there was a crescendo coming even if you’ve never heard the song, but magnus pushes the doors open and suddenly it stops and there’s this little bit and then the “tututututu” of tension as he comes into view and his steps perfectly match the three little beats that were already there before, but sound so much louder and more prominent like a heartbeat, like before they were muffled and now they’re real??? the poetic cinema bro

ill just never get over the way they used song here it sounds like an AMV like the song isn’t just giving the vibe, they are telling the story THROUGH the song and the whole scene is basically a coreography, and the song is the narrative, and holy shit i love it so much could you imagine if they had used this amount of thought and genius and clever storytelling the whole show?? i’d shit myself

ugh the DRAMA of magnus’ look again i KNOW i’ve been over this again and again and again and again and again and again but i just. i love how they used his makeup & costume to accentuate magnus’ 1- face, 2- eyes, 3- jaw, and 4- adam’s apple. the whole focus is on his face and eyes (which again so expressive we stan harry shum jr in this house), the fact that his eyes are his WARLOCK MARK (yeah they’re not out but like we’re still drawing attention to the part of magnus he tries to hide the most, and the part of him that marks what makes him disdainful to shadowhunters), the fact that his jaw and adam’s apple are so prominent. his whole face looks really sharp and masculine you know?? like the whole focus is on everything about him that’s supposed to be “wrong” and make malec “wrong” but he’s never looked more beautiful (IT’S SUCH AN UNDERRATED LOOK) and they didn’t sacrifice his gnc-ness for it either, on the contrary, they gave his hair the hot pink streak which. INSPIRED WE STAN, and the makeup is very clear (again esp around his eyes) which of course only adds to it because he’s not just a man, he’s a gnc man and that makes it “worse”, but also like, i like how they accentuated his masculinity in alec’s coming out scene, without sacrificing his identity and gender non conformness. again the costume department is the only one who genuinely knew what they were doing 100% of the time i hope they all got big fucking checks

alec just blinks and focuses on him and it’s the first time it looks like he’s really looking at something and i just wow

izzy is so happy to see magnus there :) she loves her brother so much :)

magnus holding up two fingers to get people to shut up... the way he snarls “maryse, this is between me and your son” with so much certainty and like no room for bullshit he’s so good at making shadowhunters too speechless to stop him and honestly im such a whore tbh if he did this to me id just nut on the spot. shut me up daddy. fuck who said that

like how they included the “i’ll leave if he asks me to” and how he really doesn’t say anything, he’s just standing there, like they made sure to make this scene respectful and i was kind of dreading it the first time because i’d HATE it if magnus had outed him or made this whole drama out of it but he didn’t and i like that so so much

“i thought we were doing the right thing, but... this isn’t it” always gets me and i can’t even put my finger on why. it just does like again this is not really about magnus or their relationship, it’s about how he feels about the whole thing, everything that he’s giving up and he barely knows what for anymore, and i justjfianfajf

again the BRILLIANCE of the song usage the way that he’s talking to lydia and the beat is so damn loud and overwhelming and then as soon as he turns to magnus everything just drowns out and there is one (1) piano note and it’s just him and magnus and it’s like everything silences??? he’s just so damn focused and it’s not the nervousness and loudness of everyone else and their whole audience (they don’t even show the audience anymore after alec turns to him for real and before the actual kiss i don’t think) and there’s just that sharp focus and certainty because alec’s made up his mind and there’s no sound anymore like mwaaahhh poetic cinEMA

and it’s just that moment of clarity as they both look at each other and the song begins again with the higher tempo again, but it feels more like, a march? than that overwhelming noise. and of course there’s the singing and it feels like everything has purpose and is just laser focused and it’s still intense but in a completely opposite way, not lost but found and wow im such a whORE for this scene it’s unbelievable

like how alec takes the first step towards magnus after he’s down the stairs exactly as the song goes “want” like mwaahhhhh brilliance amazing talented showstopping spectacular never been done before completely unique,

his “enough” is dajksdfahidasdhadusahuash again im a simple sub id nut

i was right they only really show the audience again after the kiss. except for maryse but even then it’s so quick, we see her going to alec and after alec says “enough” she literally doesn’t show anymore it’s like she’s not even there, she just disappears it’s so sexy we stan??? like again alec’s made up his mind and nothing else is there to stop him wow love that for him could you imagine thinking this man is shy and insecure? can’t relate

THEY ARE SKIGGNISNGG

FOREVER A WHORE FOR THE WAY MAGNUS CHASES AFTER HIM HOLY FUCKING SHIT. THE WAY HE’S SO LOST IN THE KISS, IN THE ELATION, AND HE JUST CAN’T HELP GOING FOR MORE BEFORE HE CAN STOP HIMSELF AND KEEP UP WITH HIS TIGHT COMPOSTURE (because magnus had barely moved once alec had seen him, he just stood there and waited like he was waiting for his cue, he was holding himself perfectly steadily and just had so many walls) LIKE HE JUST CAN’T HELP BUT WANT?? AND GO FOR MORE?? AND THEN HE REALIZES ALEC IS PULLING AWAY AND HE LOOKS AT HIM FOR A SECOND (and his eyes look so DIFFERENT, not like there’s a wall there, he looks relieved and happy and even kind of dazed and i just wow the difference is SO clear) AND ALEC LOOKS AT HIM AND HE TAKES JUST A FRACTION OF A SECOND BEFORE HE LEANS IN AGAIN, AND IT’S THE FIRST TIME THAT MAGNUS HAS ASKED FOR MORE AND ALEC’S GIVEN IT, BECAUSE ALEC HAS BEEN GIVING HIM SOME OPENINGS BUT EVERY TIME MAGNUS WANTED MORE HE TURNED AWAY, BUT THIS TIME HE FUCKING GIVES MAGNUS WHAT HE’S SILENTLY ASKING FOR, HE’S CHOOSING HIM FULLY AND NOT JUST ENOUGH FOR THEM TO BE ABLE TO BE TOGETHER, HE’S CHOOSING TO GO ALL IN AND KISS MAGNUS UNTIL HE’S SATISFIED AND HOLY SHIT THE POETIC CINEMA!! THE TALENT!!! THE BRILLIANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SHADOWHUNTERS CREW FOR PUTTING UP YOUR FIVE TOTAL BRAINCELLS TOGETHER TO MAKE THIS FANTASTIC THING HAPPEN HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS SCENE IS EVERYTHING TO ME 

a bitch needs to lie down i think that’s all for today

next part

[trashyswitch]

Sibling Rivalry

Roman and Remus get into a fight (no surprise), that turns physical after some bickering.

Patton and Virgil, not wanting either of them to get any more hurt, run and dive into the fight to break them up.

It's around here, that the physical fight grows more heartening and playful...

The day had been mostly peaceful. Virgil and Patton could be seen on the couch. They were covered in blankets and watching movies together in the living room. Logan was hanging out in his room doing who knows what, while Deceit could be seen eating Jelly Beans and playing Cards Against Humanity by himself in the kitchen.

However, their peacefulness would soon be interrupted...Because before everyone could truly process the peace and quiet, a pair of twins could be heard shouting profanities at each other as they chased each other.

"YOU'RE SUCH A CHEATER!" Roman shouted as he chased the man in front of him.

"Come ON, Brother? When am I NOT a cheater?" Remus yelled over his shoulder as he ran.

"You could at least TRY to play by the rules!" Roman argued.

"But listen to this:" Remus suggested, slowing down to a stop to explain things. "I was playing by the rules. There is no rule against throwing pillows at your opponents."

Roman growled in fury. "YES! THERE IS! SOCIETY CREATED THAT RULE DECADES AGO!" Roman shouted back.

"Well, I wasn't told about that rule." Remus defended, attempting to act like an innocent toddler.

Everyone practically groaned. "There goes our quiet afternoon..." Virgil muttered.

Roman looked over to Virgil and Patton. "Sorry about the...interruption. We were playing Forza Horizon 4, and SOMEONE shoved a pillow into my face!" Roman apologized and explained.

"Oh...ya, he does that all the time." Virgil replied, remembering the countless times he's gotten pillows to the face while gaming.

"Why are you surprised that Remus is cheating? You know he's capable of it." Patton asked.

"I'm just tired of him cheating all the time. It's never ending!" Roman argued.

"Well, if you're tired of Remus's cheating, then stop playing video games with him." Virgil suggested.

Remus's smug smirk slowly turned into a surprised expression. "Wait, what?" Remus reacted, looking at Virgil.

"B-but...look at that face!" Roman argued, pointing at Remus. Remus tilted his head, confused. "How could you say no to that ugly face?" Roman argued.

Virgil's eyebrows raised in pure surprise. Even as they argue, Roman still cares about his brother.

"You-...So, you want to play games with him. Is that what I'm getting from this?" Patton clarified.

"Yes. I wanna play games with him. But, I don't want him to cheat." Roman explained.

"Well...try asking him." Patton offered.

Roman sighed, and turned to his brother. "Remus...can you please play video games with me fairly?" Roman asked him.

Remus looked back at Roman with a serious face. "...How fairly?" Remus asked.

"100% fairly. No distractions, no hacking, no advancements." Roman explained.

Remus's face fell into a disappointed frown, before an idea came to his head. "How about 30% fair. No advancements. But distractions and hacking against your opponent is allowed." Remus muttered.

Roman growled in anger. "NOOO!" Roman yelled, acting like a child.

"Really?! But Roman, I said no advancements!" Remus argued, unable to understand why Roman wasn't happy.

"But distractions and hacking are ALLOWED?! There is NO WAY I'm playing such a game!" Roman yelled back.

Virgil rubbed the bridge of his nose, before pulling out a coin.

"Boys, how about this:" Virgil called, waiting for their attention on him before continuing. "Heads up will be unfair play, and tails up will be fair play. Got it?" Virgil suggested.

Roman and Remus nodded in agreement, believing the 50/50 chance system would help them out. Virgil flipped the coin once; bad flip. He flipped it a second time: a really good flip! Just for good measure, Virgil flipped the coin one last time. Virgil caught the coin, and flipped it over on the back of his left hand: tails.

Tails up = fair play.

"Tails." Virgil told them.

"WHAT?!" Remus shouted.

"HA! IN YOUR FACE! FAIR PLAY IS BEST PLAY!" Roman cheered, feeling amazing and prideful for winning a game of chance.

Remus let out a low growl. In a fit of rage, Remus pushed Roman onto the ground. Roman fell onto his back with a thud.

"Hey! What the hell man!" Roman protested.

"We get it, you won! Doesn't mean you need to be a b**** about it." Remus argued.

"Oh, quit being a sore loser. Oh no! Luck wasn't on my side! Poor me!" Roman said in a sarcastic voice. Remus rolled his eyes and started walking away. "And let me guess: You're gonna walk into your room and read those stupid magazines until you feel better!" Roman guessed.

Remus froze into place. Did he just-...Did he just bring his magazines into this fight?! With Patton watching?!

"Am I right?" Roman asked, crossing his arms and leaning on his hip.

Remus huffed as anger started to REALLY take him over. And, Remus let it. Remus turned himself around towards his so-called 'brother', and started screaming and sprinting towards him. Roman's face turned from confidence into fear in a matter of seconds, before being tackled to the ground by his heavy twin. Before Roman could process anything, his face was being punched into by Remus's tightened fists.

Patton gasped and covered his eyes at first. He couldn't look!

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA, WHOA!" Virgil reacted as his body grew overwhelmed with shock. He's seen Remus and Roman fight before, so that wasn't new. But Virgil had never seen Remus this angry before!

"REMUS! STOP IT!" Patton shouted, finally uncovering his eyes. He looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"He won't. Unless we physically intervene, Remus will keep on going until he's exhausted." Virgil warned Patton.

"You get Remus, I'll get Roman." Patton offered.

"Okay. Good idea." Virgil agreed before jumping in. Virgil reached for Remus's hands and grabbed them once they swung back. Once Remus's wrists were secure in his hands, Virgil wrapped his arms across each other and under his armpits. This was a self-defense move that teachers are allowed to do when children are being physical. Though the child in the hold should be a lot smaller than the person holding, Virgil ignored that rule. This was his friend. They had made a promise years ago, that Virgil was allowed to stop Remus in moments like this. Right then, was a good example.

While Virgil was holding onto Remus, Patton had pulled Roman aside and leaned him against the wall. Roman had a couple red spots on his head, but that was nothing compared to the blood dripping out of his nose. Patton grabbed a box of Kleenex and a cup of water from the tap, to dab it off.

"Remus, calm down." Virgil ordered as he held onto the aggressive man. Remus's fighting was beginning to die down, but still remained strong. He must've felt an intense need to increase Roman's injuries. To be honest, Virgil wanted to as well. Roman had no business mentioning something like that out loud. Sure, it was somewhat okay because Virgil was already aware of the magazines he reads. But with Patton around...Who knows how Remus was feeling? Now, as Virgil's arms grew tired, he decided to start reaching for desperate measures...

"Are you okay?" Patton asked. Roman nodded his head, and looked at Remus. "Don't worry, Roman. Remus is okay. He's with Virgil. He's still fighting, but he's safe. Now, I want you to look up, and breath out of your mouth." Patton reassured. Roman followed what he said, and tipped his head back. Patton plugged his nose to trap the blood and let it clot.

As the two light sides worked on looking after Roman's bloody nose, a sudden bout of laughter had taken over the room. It was surprisingly bubbly, and a little more high-pitched than usual. Patton jolted from the sudden unfamiliar sound, and looked towards the source of the sound. Roman didn't need to do that, though, because Roman had immediately recognized whose laughter it was: It was Remus's!

Patton's eyes lit up as he watched the scene unfolding in front of them; Virgil was digging his thumbs into Remus's hips, and Remus was squirming and laughing in response!

"Is...is he okay?" Patton asked, nervous to approach a man with violent tendencies.

Virgil smirked. "I don't know. Hey Remus! Are you okay?" Virgil asked, raising his voice slightly, so his voice could be heard above Remus's laughter.

"STAHAHAHAP TIHIHIHICKLIHIHING MEHEHEHE!" Remus shouted in response.

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "I'm gonna take that as a 'yes, please join in'." Virgil clarified for the father figure. And, Patton happily joined him!

"What are some good spots to get?" Patton asked, unsure of where to start.

"Okay, let me think...His feet are ticklish, but they stink to high heaven. So, unless you want the room to smell like rotting corpse for the next week, DON'T GO THERE." Virgil warned him.

Patton giggled at Virgil's reply. One part of him thought Virgil was over exaggerating, but the other parts of him thought; 'this is Remus we're talking about...' It would be no surprise if he wasn't...

"His armpits are also ticklish, but again: stinky. So, go for the back of his knees." Virgil suggested.

"NOHOHO! PLEHEHEHEHEASE NOHOHOHOHO!" Remus begged. Unfortunately, Remus's begs didn't stop Patton from diving for his knees, and scratching his fingers on the back of his knees.

Remus let out a squeal, before falling into a fit of cackles. "Awww! Your laugh is so cute!" Patton complimented.

Remus interrupted his laughter with a squeak. "NOHOHOHO IHIHIHIT'S NAHAHAHAHAT!" Remus argued through his laughter.

"Believe it or not, I agree with Patton on this one. Your laugh has always been cute, and clearly, it hasn't changed..." Virgil added before leaning into Remus's ear. "Not...one...bit..." Virgil whispered in his ear. Suddenly, Virgil fluttered his fingers behind Remus's ears.

Remus threw his head back. "WAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! PLEHEHEHEHEHEASE! IHIHI'M TOHOHOHOHOO TIHIHIHICKLIHIHIHISH! HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Remus shouted through his hysterical laughter.

Virgil smiled. "Oh, you're too ticklish? Well, stop being ticklish then! Stop being ticklish, and aaalll your problems will be answered." Virgil replied.

Remus growled in reaction. "IHIHIHI CAHAHAHAHAN'T!" Remus shot back.

"Oh, what's that? You can't stop being ticklish? well, then I guess you're stuck here for a while." Virgil teased with a wink.

Remus's eyes widened in pure horror. How long was Remus gonna be laughing for?! The truth was, Remus liked laughing...on his own! He liked allowing himself to laugh, and wasn't a fan of forcing laughter out of him like a deflating balloon. Tickling was a complicated thing...It forced the man to laugh, but-...

It actually felt good??? It was a feeling Remus couldn't explain...

"...Hey Patton? Do you notice Remus trying to run away at all?" Virgil asked, noticing something about the man.

"Uh...no, actually! He's not running away at all! He's not even trying to get away!" Patton observed.

Virgil placed a curled finger on his chin. "I think...Remus likes it." Virgil theorized out loud, with a wide smirk developing at the end.

Patton gasped, as if he had just found a bed of puppies in front of him. "No way...REALLY?!" Patton squealed. "OHMYGOSHTHISISSOCUTE! AAAAAAAHH!" Patton shouted, repetitively clapping his hands as his whole body brightened up excitedly.

"Wait...Is that what that is? I-I feel...warm? Like, not in a horny sense! I would've told you earlier if I was horny..." Remus attempted to explain.

"Do you feel...calm? Giddy? Overwhelmed with emotions to name one?" Virgil asked, attempting to help the man go through the feelings Virgil felt before him.

"Yes, but...I..." Remus attempted to explain, slowly losing focus and falling into space.

"How about a hug?" Patton asked. Remus looked up, and saw Patton stretching his arms out. "Dad hugs are always available!" Patton offered. Though a little hesitant, Remus allowed himself to hug him.

Patton wrapped his arms around Remus, and squeezed a bit. Remus gasped at the sudden snug feeling, but smiled. "Harder!" Remus ordered in a giddy way.

Patton's eyes widened. "Really?" Patton clarified. Remus nodded his head, showing off his lopsided teeth as he grinned excitedly. "Okay. Come here you!" Patton ordered, pulling Remus into another hug, and squeezing harder. Remus could feel every ounce of breath being pushed out of his lungs! And all his breath came out in leftover giggles! Patton, who rather enjoyed the sound of Remus's laughter, allowed Remus to breath; Patton squeezed Remus harder and started growling playfully as he squeezed. Remus's giggling grew more loud and free! This made the experience all the more worth it!

To add to the adorable scene, Remus began scribbling his nails on Patton's sides, to hear his reaction. Patton bursted into giggles in response, and allowed a toothy smile to show up on his face. Remus tested out other spots as well. Spider-fingers on Patton's ribs made laughter ring throughout the room, and wiggly fingers on Patton's belly made squeaky giggles pop out!

"Awww! Your laugh is so pretty!" Remus admitted.

"I agree." Virgil admitted as well. Virgil knelt down beside Patton's free side, and wiggled his fingers under Patton's armpits.

Patton's arms clamped down on Virgil's arms, trapping them there to, ironically, continue tickling him. "aaAAAAAH! VIRGIL WAHAHAHAIT! EEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHE! NAHAHAT THEHEHEHE AHAHARMPIHIHIHIHITS!" Patton pleaded as he began wiggling.

"But Patton! it's a good spot to go for. Wouldn't you agree, Remus?" Virgil reacted.

"I agree!" Remus replied with a smile. Patton's body continued wiggling and kicking as the tickle attack continued. His jacket had untied itself and laid on the ground under the father. Meanwhile, his hair was growing fairly messy the more that he squirmed.

"PLEHEHEHEHEASE! IHIHIHI CAHAHAN'T TAHAHAHAKE MUHUHUCH MOHOHOHORE!" Patton begged.

"Would you like lighter tickles instead?" Virgil asked.

"YEHEHEHES PLEHEHEHEASE!" Patton replied eagerly.

Virgil nodded in understanding and stopped his fingers. When Patton's arms loosened, Virgil removed his hands from his armpits and lightly began tracing a single finger on Patton's belly.

"You know who could use an apology and some peaceful tickles right now? Roman." Virgil hinted, giving Remus a wink as a go-ahead signal.

Remus smiled before getting up and heading over to the couch, where Roman was sitting and watching.

"Hi Roman." Remus said.

"Hi." Roman replied.

"How's your nose?" Remus asked.

Roman gave his brother a crooked smile. "It stopped bleeding, which is good." Roman replied.

Remus nodded, and scratched his arm. "Yeah...I'm sorry about that." Remus told him, feeling genuinely guilty.

"Remus, wai-"

"No, I need to apologize. I shouldn't have punched you. Hell, I shouldn't have pushed you in the first place. I should've accepted the loss and moved on." Remus ended his apology.

"You don't need to apologize for anything. I deserve every bruise and every drop of blood on my face." Roman reacted. "I'm sorry for mentioning the magazines in our argument. It was incredibly rude of me. I should've just kept my mouth shut." Roman told him.

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled. "Jesus, you're starting to sound like Anne of Green Gables!" Remus joked.

'Oh, Mrs. Lynde, I am so extremely sorry! I could never express all my sorrow, no, not if I used up a whole dictionary. You must just imagine it. I behaved terribly to you—and I’ve disgraced the dear friends, Matthew and Marilla, who have let me stay at Green Gables although I’m not a boy. I’m a dreadfully wicked and ungrateful girl, and I deserve to be punished and cast out by respectable people forever!" Roman joked dramatically.

"It was very wicked of me to fly into a temper because you told me the truth. It WAS the truth; every word you said was true. My hair is red and I’m freckled and skinny and ugly." Remus acted dramatically. Then, Remus whispered the next dialogue with his hand covering part of his mouth: "What I said to you was true, too, but I shouldn’t have said it." Remus recited in a semi-monotone voice. Roman giggled at the sudden change of voice expression.

Suddenly, Roman continued with his dramatic voice, and uttered the last point of dialogue: "Oh, Mrs. Lynde, please, please, forgive me! If you refuse it will be a lifelong sorrow on a poor little orphan girl, would you, even if she had a dreadful temper? Oh, I am sure you wouldn’t. Please say you forgive me, Mrs. Lynde." Roman begged dramatically.

Remus sighed and shook his head as he smiled. "I forgive you."

"YAY!" Roman cheered excitedly, pulling Remus into a hug. Remus gladly accepted the hug, and also took it as a great opportunity to tickle him! Remus wrapped his hands around his waist, and sneakily started squeezing his sides.

"HA! Hahahahahaha! Ahahare thehehese the peheheheace tihihickles?" Roman asked.

"Ohoho, yes they are." Remus replied as his fingers started digging and wiggling into Roman's sides.

"NAAAHAHAHAHAHA! COME OHOHOHOHOHON!" Roman bursted out.

"What? Is it too much?" Remus asked.

"NOHOHOHO, BUHUHUHUT..." Roman replied.

"Well, then why are you complaining?" Remus reacted. next up, was his belly. Remus gently placed his fingernails onto Roman's soft belly, and began softly dragging all 10 fingernails up and down his tummy. Roman bursted into a mix of nervous giggles, and giddy giggles. He loved it, but he knew things were gonna get a lot worse.

"Whahahahat ahahahare yohohohou gohohonna dohohoho?" Roman asked through his never ending giggle fit.

"Don't worry brother. I'm gonna keep it light. Can I borrow your sword?" Remus reassured.

Roman looked at Remus, who was holding his hand out. "Whyhy?" Roman asked.

"I'm gonna turn it into something. But, it's gonna be a surprise." Remus explained as spoil-free as possible. Roman reluctantly unclipped his belt, and handed Remus the sword. Remus stopped both hands and used them to pull the sword out of its cover.

"Whoa, whoa whoa! Remus, what are you doing with that?!" Virgil asked, raising his voice in an anxious tone.

"It's okay!" Remus reassured him. Remus proved this by using his magic to make the sword smaller in size. Then, Remus placed his right hand on the blade and dragged it across the blade, turning it into a green feather blade. "See?" Remus observed.

"Ohoho bohohohoy...Ihihi cahahahahan't lohohohohook..." Roman said through his nervous giggles as he covered up his eyes. Remus let an evil little smirk take over his face while he lifted up the costume to expose his belly. As his belly was exposed to the air, Roman's giggles became more giddy and frantic. It didn't take long for the feather to start slowly bringing itself down towards Roman's exposed belly.

"Any last words?" Remus asked, pausing to hear his response.

Roman looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment. "Juhuhuhust DOHOHO IHIHIT!" Roman begged desperately.

Remus's eyebrows raised. He didn't expect THAT kind of response. "Very well then!" Remus replied happily. He placed the feather right onto Roman's belly button, and swirled in and around the deep button.

"Gahahahahahaha! Hahahahahaha! EEE! Ihihihihit tihihihihihickles sohohoho bahahahahad!" Roman giggled manically.

"Really? Your laugh would tell me otherwise!" Remus teased. Though the laughter that left Roman's lungs wasn't unbearable for Roman, the tickly feeling of the feather against his belly was SUPER UNBEARABLE!

Roman kept on giggling like that for around half an hour. In that time, Remus tried fluttering the feather on all kinds of spots: the abdomen, the neck (that was the WORST!), the armpits, the ribs, the feet (THAT WAS REALLY BAD AS WELL!), and even the hidden spot behind Roman's knees! All of the spots seemed to create endless giggles to fill the entire room with.

Soon, Virgil's laughter filled the room as well! After all, he couldn't play the ler for everyone, without getting bombarded by revengeful lees...

[littleoldrachel]

i am burned out (i smell of smoke)

okay, look. I wasn’t gonna post this until it was FINISHED because i am trying to learn to actually finish my wips. but. the world is sorta falling apart and i hope that maybe i can help even one person feel temporarily less anxious about it all. 

i wrote this for @gumnut-logic‘s birthday and am now over a month late, so! good! (so sorry nutty, you’re so incredible at blessing us with your words, i just wanted to do something nice for you since you’re so so good to us)

my love for virgil tracy + my silent lurking in this fandom have brought this about. i never thought i’d be writing thunderbirds fanfiction and yet. here we are (my father would be so disappointed in me).

this is my first time writing these characters, as will become painfully clear. pls be nice to me, i am fragile lol. i am horribly aware that my virg is probably too ‘floppy’ as per your post, nutty, so sorry in advance! this is me whumping your boy emotionally and mentally, but i’m gonna fix him, i swear! there are five parts (i have written the first three). 

virgil is always written as being very good at taking care of his mental health, and it occurred to me that some of the best people at this have had to learn to be that way, and so I guess this is an exploration of that? anyway, have some virgil aggressively loving his family. 

brains isn’t in this and kayo isn’t much either sorryyy. oh my GOd shut up, here you go:

i am burned out (i smell of smoke) [on ao3]

summary: in which virgil falls apart, learns how to put himself back together, and realises he doesn't have to do it alone.

word count: 2.8k ish (part 1/5)

warnings: mental health issues

timeline: i suppose this is set in early TAG verse?  jeff is missing and nobody is Coping Well.

happy belated birthday, nutty!! <3

i.

He isn’t quite sure where it began. Somewhere between three back-to-back rescues, pulling a child’s body from thick, black mud, and failing to reach the scientist before smoke ravaged her lungs, a weight settles in his chest that none of his usual coping mechanisms can shift. 

To say it’s been a hard week would be an understatement, but then again, they’ve had hard weeks before. Any time a rescue mission turns into a recovery mission, they all feel it - how can they not? - but this time, this time is different. 

Perhaps it was seeing the kid’s mother break down completely at the sight of such a small corpse. Perhaps it was the abuse hurled at him and his brothers by the scientist’s girlfriend for failing to rescue her soulmate in time. Perhaps it was sheer exhaustion and pain, perhaps it was feeling ribs break under the force of his CPR efforts, perhaps it was knowing that in spite of it all, it wasn’t enough. 

It’s like he can’t quite draw a full breath. Like his throat has half-closed and tears are creeping at the back of his eyes, but neither is willing to break the damn. It’s the heaviest kind of emptiness he’s ever known. 

And so Virgil forces it away - or if not away, then at least to one side - whilst he takes care of brothers who need to talk about the horrors they have just witnessed and the fresh guilt they now bear. He’ll take care of himself later (probably) and then he’ll finally be able to shift that god-awful weight on his lungs. It’s fine. 

*

Alan is easy enough to handle; Virgil’s pedestal will never be as high as Scott’s or John’s but he’s still Alan’s big brother, and Alan feeds on reassurance and praise. Virgil knows that both Scott and John will be in later to check on their youngest too, but for now, Alan needs him. 

“You did well today, kiddo,” Virgil says, leaning against the doorframe to Alan’s suite. His littlest brother is lying flat on his back staring up at the ceiling. 

Alan blinks slowly, twists to meet his eyes. Overly-bright cornflower blues meet steady browns and Virgil catches the tremble of Alan’s lower lip with an aching heart. 

“You did, Allie.” Virgil strides across the room and has Alan scooped into a hug within seconds. “All those people are gonna wake up tomorrow because of you.”

“It doesn’t feel like enough, Virg,” whispers Alan. “So many people didn’t make it.” 

“I know.”

(The weight on his chest and struggle to breathe will never let him forget it). 

Alan sighs, rests his head on his brother’s broad chest. “I just - I keep remembering her face. When she realised I couldn’t save her. I close my eyes and she’s just - there.” He closes his eyes and digs the heels of his palms into them.

He’s so young. It’s not the first time that Virgil has had doubts about forcing this responsibility on a teenager, but it is the first time Alan’s watched someone die in his arms and none of Virgil’s carefully crafted words will change that. Especially not now, whilst the pain is raw and jagged and demanding to be felt - no, Virgil and his brothers will be helping him to untangle this over the next few weeks.

“Wanna play something?” he asks instead. 

The response is less enthusiastic than usual, but soon Alan has a fragile smile on his lips as he thrashes Virgil’s Princess Peach with Waluigi (and so what if Virgil deliberately chooses the tracks he knows he’s shit at just to make Alan chuckle when he falls off Rainbow Road again?). 

*

His water-loving brother won’t be so easy (though of course, there’s nothing easy about watching someone so young trying to carry the weight of the world). Still, Gordon is at least predictable in his frustrated misery and rolls his eyes as he sees Virgil coming towards the pool with a towel in hand. 

“I’m not in the mood, Virg,” he calls, before hurling himself underwater and sinking to the bottom of the pool. 

It’s Virgil’s turn to roll his eyes, but he kicks off his shoes, sits on the poolside and dangles bare feet into the water, waiting. When Gordon finally emerges from the water, annoyance flickers across his face at the sight of his waiting brother, and he turns, kicking away from Virgil with a powerful breaststroke. 

Virgil waits until Gordon’s swum four lengths before speaking. “How are you doing?”

Gordon’s perfect rhythm barely falters as he grabs his brother’s leg and yanks, pulling Virgil into the pool and immediately swimming away. Virgil shakes the water from his hair, internally cursing his stubborn-ass younger brother and treads water until Gordon reaches his end of the pool again. 

“How many lengths is that?”

Gordon ignores him, switching fluidly into butterfly stroke and splashing away from him once more. 

Virgil can’t help but sigh; his limbs are aching and his chest is heavy and he wants nothing more than to curl up in bed. But his younger brother is hurting - emotionally, sure, judging by the way he’s slicing through the water like it’s done him wrong, but physically too if the minute winces are anything to go by. (And Virgil can’t stand it). 

The next time Gordon comes by, Virgil is ready. He seizes his brother around the middle, and bodily drags him to the edge of the pool. He doesn’t often use his size and strength against his brothers, but this time calls for it. Once out of the water, the fight goes out of Gordon, and he staggers, murmuring “ow, ow, ow, ow.”

“Come here, you idiot.” Virgil pulls Gordon into a shady spot by the loungers, and begins helping Gordon stretch out overworked muscles. Gordon hisses as Virgil presses down on his calf muscle. “Sorry, Gordo.”

“S’okay.” Gordon glares up at the sky. “Just stupid cramp.”

Rolling his eyes, Virgil shakes his head. “Yeah, that or the fact you’re reliving your Olympic training after having been up for forty-eight hours straight.”

“You know if you keep doing that, your face will get stuck.”

Virgil pulls a hideous face, then grins in response to Gordon’s laugh. It feels good to smile, it shifts the weight on his lungs the tiniest bit. 

“Flip over and I’ll do your back.”

“Virgil Tracy, you’re a goddamn saint,” Gordon declares, obediently flopping onto his stomach. 

There’s a pause whilst Virgil runs expert hands over the rock-like knots in Gordon’s back and Gordon melts into the mattress. When Virgil next speaks, his voice is gentle even as his hands dig in: “You know that punishing yourself isn’t going to bring them back.”

Gordon tenses then sighs. “Damnit, Virg. Can’t a guy get a massage without psychoanalysis?”

But his voice is a great deal lighter than it would have been even half an hour before.

*

His wrists are aching by the time he drags himself out to the cliff edge where Kayo likes to perch. 

His brothers have different uses for this particular stretch of rock: Scott likes to end his morning runs here by stretching in the breeze off the waters. For John, it’s a spectacular place to stargaze, not least because it’s so very quiet and dark up here. Gordon can often be found diving off these rocks, cheered on by Alan, much to the constant stress of their oldest brother, who attributes more than seventy percent of his grey hairs to this cause. 

For Kayo, it’s a watchpost. Her stormy eyes skim the horizon for non-existent threats, calculating, calm, controlled. And after a bad rescue (or three), she sits and waits for hours at a time, gazing into choppy waves and brilliant sunsets with the loneliest eyes Virgil has ever seen. He’s supposed to sit with Kayo in silence until she tells him what she needs from him, be it a hug, his presence, or just distance. 

This time, she makes it clear the moment he pads towards her, fading into the rocks like she was never even there. Distance, then.

*

John is possibly the hardest to handle of all his siblings, purely because he’s the hardest to get a hold of. John knows Virgil’s antics only too well, knows that a meaningful conversation about how he feels is coming, and has therefore made himself scarce. 

 Virgil sighs as John misses (read: rejects) his third call in a row. Two can play at that game, Jonny.

Instead, he dials straight through to EOS. 

She answers him immediately, as usual. “Virgil. I have been anticipating your call.”

“You have?”

“You have all had unsuccessful missions. You always call after missions with a body count.”

Virgil swallows, fresh guilt rising in his throat, and forces it back down. 

“Please can you put me through to John, EOS?”

“Of course, Virgil.”

Silence for a second, and then John’s hologram appears. His red-headed brother is studiously avoiding eye contact, hands darting over controls in an anxious pattern.

“This isn’t a good time, Virgil, I’m busy rerouting some calls to local emergency services, and-”

“John.”

“-and there’s a call from Tehran that really needs me, so if that’s all-”

“John.”

Silence. 

“How long since you last ate?” 

John’s eyes meet Virgil’s and he looks away at once. “Uh… this morning?”

“Negative,” EOS chimes in, “last intake was twenty-six hours ago.”

John’s jaw clenches. “Thanks, EOS.”

“John, you need to eat.”

“Smother Brother.”

“I’m serious.”

EOS pipes up again, “John also needs to rest. He has been operating for twice the recommended period of time.” 

John glowers, but says nothing.

“Don’t make me set Scott on you.”

“You wouldn’t.”

Virgil raises his eyebrows and John sighs loudly in frustration. “I will. I will. I just - thinking about food makes me feel nauseous. Like…” He swallows, looks away. “Like I’m eating mud.”

The sharp hurt in Virgil’s heart twinges violently and he wishes more than anything he could wrap John up in a bearhug and stop the world from hurting him. “What if I’m here whilst you try?” he asks softly.

Another sigh. “Fine. But only if you eat something too,” John says. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that your stomach was growling even louder than Two’s engines on the way home.”

“Smother Brother,” Virgil’s voice is hopelessly fond, even as he goes to make a sandwich that he can’t face eating (which for him, is a bad sign - he who has forced down Grandma’s inedible chilli through sheer willpower and love). The bread is hard and tasteless, the filling bitter. He chokes down a half slice, focusing instead on the fact that his younger brother is carefully chewing at his toasted bagel, eyelids heavy. Eventually, John’s shoulders slump, and his head lolls back into slumber.

His work here is done. 

Well, almost -

“Hey, EOS?”

“Yes, Virgil?” 

“Can you put that playlist I made him on a loop?”

“Of course, Virgil. Venus Bringer of Peace is now playing.”

There. 

*

His oldest brother is hurting. Virgil doesn’t need ESPN or whatever freaky connection Gordon and Alan accuse them of having to know that. 

There was a death toll, and therefore Scott will be hurting. Every life lost becomes a personal fault for the man, and nothing Virgil says or does will change that. They have this argument every two or three weeks, increasingly frequently as the months since their father’s disappearance have ticked into years. And he’s so very tired of rehashing the same words over again and again, he’s so tired of being utterly powerless against his brother’s borderline suicidal recklessness, he’s so tired of his uselessness in convincing Scott to stop treating his life like some replaceable trinket.

(So very, very tired).

And yet, Virgil stands in the doorway to his father’s office, bracing himself for yet another battle with his older brother.

Because taking care of the idealistic, brash, self-flagellating workaholic is what he does best - especially when said idealistic, brash, self-flagellating workaholic least wants it.

Scott is hunched over the desk, poring over debriefs with an almost-empty glass of something amber in his left hand. Virgil makes a mental note to re-encrypt the code to the drinks cabinet - Scott had cracked it far too quickly last time, but he doesn’t stand a chance against John…

“Hey, Scott,” he finally enters the room, but his brother doesn’t even spare him a glance. Virgil takes the seat opposite him - the one he used to sit in as his father waxed lyrical about his dream of an elite rescue organisation (it hurts) - and waits. 

After five or so minutes, Scott looks up blearily, blinking in surprise. “Virg? What are you - when did you-”

“It’s gone midnight, Scott. We agreed you wouldn’t do this anymore.”

A muscle in Scott’s jaw twitches. He’s wound tight from alcohol and stress, and it hurts Virgil to see it.  “I have to get this done.”

“Not at one am, you don’t.”

“Don’t start, Virg, you know debriefs are essential - you know I have to - to -”

“To what?” 

“What?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you have to get done? What’s so important that it can’t wait till you’ve at least slept?”

Scott breaks - quicker than usual (thank you, whiskey) which is a relief, because Virgil’s energy is down to its last droplets; hell, it’ll be a miracle if he even makes it to his room after this. 

“To figure out where we fucked up! To explain to the fire services that we did fuck-all for their rescue efforts! To figure out why I wasn’t fast enough to get to those children! I have to - to know,” he flings himself to his feet and begins pacing. “Fifty-four people died today, that’s fifty-four lives we should have saved, and I have to know why we failed so it never happens again.” He slams both hands down on the table, scattering papers to the floor. His eyes are wild and slightly bloodshot, and Virgil’s heart aches for the pain in those cerulean blues. 

The fight leaves Virgil’s spirit, because for once, he’s having a hard time reconciling his own failings with the number of bodies he’s pulled from mud and rock today. Usually, he is the first to reassure his brothers that they did all they could. But on a day like today, with the weight of whatever-it-is on his chest, it’s just not good enough. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s going to leave Scott alone in his pain. 

“What can I do?” Virgil asks quietly, and Scott stares at him. 

A pause. “Just - just be here,” Scott allows at last, sinking back into his chair. 

“Always,” Virgil says, and he means it, even through the fog of this exhausted, low, heavy feeling. 

“You okay?” Scott says, looking him over with a frown, and Virgil curses internally, because of course, Scott notices what none of his other siblings have. 

“As much as any of us are right now,” Virgil answers, as honestly as he can. Scott clearly doesn’t quite believe him, because he keeps shooting Virgil surreptitious glances laden with concern, but he lets it go. Perhaps he too lacks the energy to fight him on this. 

(It’s not enough and Virgil knows it. It’s not enough to stop his brother from working himself into an early grave and it’s not enough to blame poor construction work for the collapse of a tower block when he should have been able to save them).

(He’s not enough). 

*

He’s exhausted. He had thought he was shattered before, but now - 

The heaviness in his chest is a gaping wide hole, and the edges are raw and ragged from trying to hold himself together. His throat closes and clogs, but the tears won’t come, even as misery wells inside of him.

He looks blankly at the piano he sometimes uses to pull himself back from edges like these - edges that plunge down, down, down into an abyss he daren’t explore. Only the tug in his chest isn’t there. The canvas on his easel remains blank, his paintbrush untouched. Hell, even the idea of a nice, hot shower has him cringing at the effort and self-care involved.

What the hell’s the matter with him? 

He can’t quite explain it, and for one usually so attuned to others’ emotions, this awful lowness is startling. Because it’s more than lowness, and it’s more than heaviness - it’s more like a complete absence of feeling, an emptiness that he doesn’t know how to name. 

Perhaps, it will shift in the morning. Perhaps, this is the consequence of pushing yourself to over-exhaustion and beyond, and then expelling what little energy remains to support your loved ones. Sleep will help, Virgil tells himself. Rest makes everything better, you will be better in the morning.

[thliahls]

b-b-b-back once again , cldn’t wait can’t be tamed .. as with all my intros .. tis a doozy so feel free to mssg me for a tl;dr if we feelin lazy i will totally understand , or scroll to the wc’s i tried to think of as many as possible bc i wanna plot wit every1 )): !! anyhaps like this n i will come force my heathen of a gurl on u !

⌠ GRACIE ABRAMS, 20, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, THALIA HALL! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + THREAT ELIMINATION and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of dirt under a meticulously painted manicure, the shrill ring of her phone and poorly treated books creased at the spine. when it’s the (scorpio)’s birthday on 11/02/2000, they always request FISH FINGERS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

biography / pinterest

was born in the states but dad and her moved back to england the year she was born, which was also the year he graduated blackthorne. his mother was ‘never in the picture’ which has left her imagination to go down several paths, discontent with all of them. unfortunately daddy dearest crafts a space where she’d never dare ask ! she has a bit of an obsession with the blackthorne graduation ritual because of it .

was immediately placed under the care of two retired spies, sort of a foster care system within the spy community. dad still visited whenever he wasn’t working and still technically had full custody over her. up until she went to prep school, led a very sheltered life. homeschooled by them, but they were fairly lax. her dad expected a certain amount of training to be done, but her and her foster siblings usually mucked about a fair bit. her training would always be done in the form of games which she discovered early on that she loved to win, it made her fiercely competitive.

was very spoiled by them, grew up in a huge country estate and excelled in her home school classes without trying, which made her extremely entitled. she’d often wrestle with her siblings in the garden , and bring them to tears . biting them, pulling their hair, slapping them around . it would earn her a slap on the wrist , but it was never anything a sorry couldn’t fix . spends her free time laying in the grass reading , and learning the romance languages and was raised speaking cantonese bc that’s her foster parents native language . more invested in the sociology of linguistics and how it can be used to assert and diminish power but only cares for this in a self-serving way .

spy prep rolls around and it’s very exciting ! as predicted ( by herself lmao ) she does well, without even having to try. socially , she drifts through groups , picking up on cues on how to interact , what works well and what doesn’t . doesn’t find anyone particularly interesting and would much rather be reading but by not having any sort of allegiance to one particular group , it ends with her being very well-liked . the top marks is unsurprising, further fuelled by some amusing competition , finding that her desire to earn good grades comes more from wanting to spite others than actually wanting to achieve good grades . finals roll around and she gets the highest grade in her year and in tandem with being well liked, earns her place as valedictorian . she’s very proud of herself, not for earning valedictorian, but for besting aylin . 

in the months prior , on a field trip she meets a boy and for the first time in ever , exudes big dumb energy gets his number , starts texting him , starts sneaking off campus to meet him ... he’s a total casanova , a big romantic and exactly like the protags in the romance novels she reads . it’s a big prep school no-no but as long as no one finds out it’s fine ! then walks in aylin, and destroys her whole career by reporting her ( she doesn’t know for sure it was her , but has her suspicions since their rivalry had run throughout the entirety of prep school ). she’s kicked out , denied graduation , valedictorian and is humiliated . she calls her civilian boyfriend the night of , but his line’s already been disconnected , presumably threatened / beat up by her lovely dad .

her father is livid , but is able to use his connections to get her a place at another , less prestigious prep school and negotiates with the school to take her to and fro every day , like he’s picking her up from daycare . he stops working for a full year to do this , and expects her to feel indebted to him . the monotony of repeating the year makes her irritable, made worse by the snickers she constantly hears in the hallways . but she has gallagher to look forward to , knowing she’ll still be going there because continuing tradition is important to her father , who also decided her majors for her and had a big argument with him when she asked if she could take linguistics ! he makes her call him every single night at 6p.m. if she misses a call , he contacts the school . she hates him . 

personality 

passive aggressive emphasis on the aggressive : is always withholding judgement, but inevitably always lets a comment slip. think, ‘   you’re so confident to wear whatever you want to,   ’ or, ‘   wow ! that colour’s so bright i almost need sunglasses !   ’ petty as hell  in all respects physically too , spots a bruise on your arm ? you bet she’s gonna press it and ask if that hurts, then say sorry when you yelp . 

hypocritical : detests people who don’t try but doesn’t try herself and justifies it by getting really good grades . believes there’s no point sleeping with someone unless you love them , then will drunkenly hook up with someone that very same night . 

hope less romantic : she has no hope for others but remains a romantic . thinks people have given up on courting people and wooing them . expects flowers at her door , good morning texts and candlelit dinners . leaves secret admirer notes under people's door to people she thinks are cute and thinks she might have a crush on in the future , quite creepy but at least she doesn't use magazine clippings anymore ! 

spiteful : life is a game and she wants to win it ! makes everything into a competition , even unconsciously . goes up to the adjacent treadmill and makes the speed and incline several points higher than the person next to her . painting your nails with her ? she’ll make sure hers looks better and point out that you didn’t coat the ends of your nails . board game night with her is fun for no one but her , i’m so sorry if she ever ropes you into one !

bookworm : her disgustingly high standards about love come from her singular past relationships and books . read one too many jane austen’s and now she’s crazy

loyal : her loyalty is hard to earn , but once you’ve got it , you’ve got it .

*think the arrogant exterior of jesse eisenberg as zucc in the social network with emaline addario ( everything sucks ) type dramatics every so often to keep it spicy !

wanted connections

toxic friendship ! a slow burn relationship of passive-aggressiveness and co-dependency, one day they stop taking her shit or say they’re going to but always end up in each other’s company at the end of the day . or maybe one day they don’t come back to her and thalia is forced to admit she may have been too harsh .

hook-ups she has when drunk ! which she will only have when drunk , to follow her unspecified , no rights , belief system . will pretend like she does not know you the next day . oh to be a romantic , but a scorpio . a tough life .

people she has crushes on ! and leaves handwritten poetry under their door or in their notebooks , absolutely humiliating that she acts this way ! bonus points for a note that’s left under the door and the wrong person reads it . 

sparring buddies but make it feral ! no rules sorta deal, out in the woods, scratches from twigs, bloodied rocks, anything to let some of her pent up aggression out . they can go swimming after : )

daddy issues gang ! someone hears her on the phone in the hallway , inquires , proceeds to talk about how much they hate their fathers . thalia tells them how she’s going to kill him one day <3 alternatively , her father may have been the cause or implicated in the death of your chara’s loved one .

roommates ! self-explanatory , but she probably dislikes them and is unfairly harsh on them . sets rules but lets herself be exempt from them stuff like that x also for berlin she requested a room by herself lmao n deluded herself into thinking she wld be accommodated , thus i’m going to leave whoever she rooms with up to fate and she will hate it regardless of whoever she gets roomed with !

someone who hates aylin as much as she does ! yes this is deserving of a whole connection , thalia would probably die for this person . alternatively , aylin’s friends who she hates as a byproduct of hating aylin or tries to get them to hate aylin .

rivals ! because it’s the only thing that motivates her to do well in school .  

encryption major ! who helps her find out about her dad’s past , and present . what he’s done and what he continues to do . also a way for her to maybe switch one of her majors to linguistics and hacking a report that says she’s still in her predetermined majors .

take a chill pill ! someone who gets her to relax , makes her watch reality television which she relentlessly criticizes , but this person won’t give up trying to make her less of an awful human bean .

anything else ! i am , as the kids say , down to clown .

[apex-academy]

Chapter 5: Caring Is a Hazard to Your Health (#9)

I vegetate until dinnertime, then throw some frozen something in the microwave. Grab some water, utensils, step back out into the cafeteria. I wonder for a minute how multiple people could have gotten their meals without me noticing, but then again I didn’t really pay attention to this room earlier. Everyone was probably already here. 

Tsunyasha shoots me a sidelong look, and Kaichi waves, but it’s no competition for the wave coming from the next table down.

“Miss Kogamino!! You can sit here if you’d like!”

“...”

Is he gonna be this noisy the whole time?

...It’s Aidan. Of course he is.

If it is him. That shouldn’t be possible. But what else could be going on here? He seems like himself. Not exactly hard evidence. But is that something you could even test?

He shifts in his seat, the wheelchair giving the slightest creak.

“You certainly don’t have to, of course. I’m not going to threaten physical harm or anything.”

“What?”

“Oh, you know, just... Never mind.”

Oh. The whole “shot and killed a person” thing. Right. You know, for someone who’s either a resurrected murderer or some imposter sent by the mastermind... 

I just can’t feel threatened right now. Not by this little... ragdoll stick figure of a guy.

I shake my head.

“No, it’s fine. I’ve just... been out of sorts.”

“Understandable.”

Since he’s stuck at the end of the table, I can’t really sit next to or across from him anyway, so I take a seat a little ways down. I’m sure I’ll be able to hear him just fine.

I don’t have the initiative to start any conversations, but that hardly means we won’t have one. At least I get a few chicken nuggets down before he goes for it.

“You know what the strangest part of this is?”

I swig some water.

“That you’re alive?”

“Well. Strictly speaking, that would pretty much have to be the actual strangest thing, yes.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Oh, just...”

“My vision still hasn’t gone back to normal.”

“But you’re still wearing glasses?”

“Empty frames. I tried going without them, but I kept trying to push my glasses up my nose whether they were actually there or not, so I figured I might as well keep some on. I keep a decent number of spare frames handy, so.”

Of course you do.

“...Is that why you were squinting so much when you woke up?”

“Most of it, yes.”

“This is all more than a little disorienting as well, but. Hopefully I’m caught up now.”

“...”

Another brief but awkward gap. He idly swishes his spoon through his bowl of something-or-other soup.

“But you did die, didn’t you?”

“To the best of my knowledge!”

“I don’t think I was actually on an airplane, but the crash was certainly real. I’m glad I didn’t have my dominant hand on the controls at the time, or it'd probably be in pieces, too.”

Ouch. But...

“You don’t think it was a real plane?” Guess he’d be the expert on that. Still kind of odd.

“Correct. Even in water, a real crash at that speed should have caused complete disarticulation. Which, I’ve obviously started to recover from significant damage, but none of it indicates that, per se.”

“Not to mention the kind of distance I would have to be transported before I’d be in any airspace that wouldn’t immediately draw attention.” 

“There was a time gap between me stepping through that door and waking up, but the feed picked up near-immediately, yes?”

“I... think so.” Those aren’t details I’m trying to hang on to. 

Makes sense, though. Even if there was enough time for whatever to take off, planes have been flying over the academy, right? So somebody’s got to be watching the skies here.

Shame we haven’t been able to signal them.

“With immediate medical attention, possibly I could have survived that, but... I’m doubtful that’s the case, the motive being as it was.”

“...”

“The fourth motive, I mean. Since the victims were included as options, and they certainly hadn’t received any timely medical intervention.”

“Especially not Miss Tanukihara.”

“.......”

With that, he manages to fall silent for a while. Can’t say I have an appetite, but I try to keep eating. My meal isn’t the peak of nutrition, but it’s something. And something is about all I can hope for today.

After a while, Aidan looks up again.

“May I ask where we stand?”

“What do you mean?”

“Just, you know...”

“Are we friends, or enemies, or some variation thereof?”

“Apparently at least two of you prefer me alive, so that’s good!”

“But I can’t rightly expect that from everyone. Not after what I did, especially when we’re still in the killing game.”

“So... I’d just like to know. I promise a negative answer won’t hurt my feelings if you’re, er, concerned about that.”

Just in case I suddenly care about people’s feelings, huh? Drag me through the freaking mud, why don’t you.

“.....................” Mm. As much as I try to mull it over, all I get is...

“I don’t know.”

“...”

“Honestly, I’m aware of about 5% of my feelings in general at this point.”

“It’s... been rough.”

“...Of course.”

He waves it off.

“You don’t have to come up with anything on the spot.”

I nod.

“May I at least ask if you voted for me?”

“..........”

“Or not! Either way’s fine. I was just curious. Nothing I’d hold against you in either case, nor could I verify it if I wanted to, anyway.”

“...Right.”

He shifts to sit up straighter.

“So! Was there anything you wanted to talk about?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.”

We fall silent for more eating. At least I do. I’m not sure that he’s taken a bite since we started. Wonder if the soup’s not any good. Guess it wasn’t from Yuki, then.

Ah. I didn’t even think about showing up for lessons today.

I don’t see why we’d have any. All we’d be able to think about is the student who isn’t there today. Won’t ever be there again.

Though I guess if the dead are rising, I can expect anything I want. Would it help? To hope she could come back? Don’t know. Don’t think I’m mustering up much hope for anything anytime soon. 

It still doesn’t make sense, anyway. Is this really Aidan? He did say he had a brother, or this could be some kind of advanced robot... How am I supposed to test that? Dump the rest of my water on him and see if he explodes? Doubt it’d be that easy.

...And if Monochap is the closest to human they can get, that’s nothing I need to be worried about.

Could his brother do such a good impression of him, though? Or could someone else? I’m not sure there’s much of a way to prove it.

Prove identity... Hmm.

Itsurou never had a file for Aidan, but there are plenty of places his fingerprints could still be from before, right? I could look into that.

“...”

“Miss Kogamino?”

“Hmm?” Hope that’s the first time he’s tried to get my attention.

“I can’t ask you to feel any which way, I'm well aware.”

“Just know that nothing has changed, all right?”

“...”

“Er, I don’t mean to say nothing has changed in general, of course. Just with me.”

“I can’t expect everyone to forgive me for killing Miss Tanukihara. It’s completely reasonable not to.”

He takes a deep breath.

“But regardless of what happened and what people may think about it, my motivations have not changed. I will find a way to get you out of here safely.”

“Even if there are fewer to save now...”

“I will not give up!”

“...”

Hah. Wonder what it’s like to still feel like that. Seems like it’s been a real long time for me now.

“So however you end up feeling about me, I hope you can at least believe that.”

“...”

I’m not sure what to say, but I nod.

“Thanks.”

And that’s enough of that. Let’s just eat.

[BACK] [NEXT]

[meat-husband]

Finally got the alphabet stuff done for Jason c:

You can find the others I’ve done here.

NSFW and Fluff alphabets are below the cut!

NSFW HC

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s prepped and ready. Extra blankets are already at the foot of the bed, there’s a glass of water on your table and he’s got a plate of leftovers waiting in the fridge in case you’re hungry. He doesn’t need rest himself, so he’s ready to get you whatever you need to be comfortable.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes hands, on both of you. Holding you down and squeezing you, he likes knowing how easy it is to control you with nothing but his body. He isn’t used to much physical touch, so anything from holding hands to your nails clawing at his back is fine with him.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He doesn’t have a preference at all, but he’ll put it wherever you ask for it. You’re in a messy puddle at the end of everything, but he doesn’t mind.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He’s always taken it off before, but he would probably die of happiness if you rode his face with the mask on. Having you so close, licking at the holes in the plastic in an attempt to taste you, but he can’t deny you when you tell him to take it off.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s got no experience at all, and for the most part no desire for it, until you’re around. It’s not that he wasn’t capable of arousal before, but he’s never seen another person as an equal and thus as a partner before. He’s got the general idea down, but not the details, so you’ve still got to do the bulk of the work when it comes to showing him how it’s done.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He couldn’t pick just one, but no matter what you start out doing, you’re flat on your back or stomach within a few minutes. He’s big and strong, so you’re going to have a hard time keeping yourself upright. He’ll hold you up if you ask, but he sort of likes squishing you.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’ll follow your lead on what kind of mood is being set, but he tends to be more towards the serious end of things. He’s always eager and very focused on doing things right, carefully following instructions and watching for what you like best.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He doesn’t have enough hair on his head to really need to do anything with it, and there’s little to none everywhere else. He would just wait and let the rain take off whatever gore sticks to him, so you’ve got to clean him up if you want it done.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s a sucker for romantic stuff, but once things start getting heated he’s a little less sweet and soft. He’ll still grip your hands in his or kiss you, but he’s tougher about it and more demanding.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He didn’t really think of it before, but once you show him how to do it, he’ll take care of himself every once in a while. He really still prefers you being involved, even if it’s just him watching you from a distance while he does it.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He likes picking you up and throwing you around, getting you positioned just how he wants you. It’s not really a show of strength on his part, he just likes being the one in charge. He’ll move you both around however you ask him if there’s a certain way you want to do things.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

The little cabin you share is the most common, but anywhere outside is fair game too, he doesn’t mind doing it in the dirt. You’ve tried it in your car once, but there just wasn’t enough room to move around with how much space he takes up.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Pretty much anything really. He loves being affectionate or sweet with you, but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to dry hump you while doing it.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He wouldn’t really get the idea of roleplay, it wouldn’t interest him at all. Dressing up is fine, but he’s not going to play pretend or act anything out.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Either is fine with him, although you’ve got to take a lot of care with both. He can be a little too eager and get rough with his teeth. For you, it’s more the difficulty of actually fitting him in your mouth, and keeping him still enough to do it.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Even when he’s riled up and being rough with you, he tends to take it slow naturally. He’ll change it up sometimes, but he prefers gently rocking his hips into yours. When he does speed it up though, he can’t keep it up for long because it’s a bit much for you to deal with all at once.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Any sex is good sex, he’s not gonna say no to either. He doesn’t have a preference most of the time, just when the mood strikes him one way or the other. It’s more practical to have more quickies than full, drawn out sessions just because he wants it so often, otherwise you’re going to constantly be exhausted.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

There isn’t much risk to take, being so isolated, but he’s up to try almost anything you suggest at least once, he’ll let you know if he doesn’t like it. Even things he doesn’t particularly like he’s open to doing again, if it’s something you want.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

If he had his way, he’d only have to stop when there were trespassers to kill. He’ll go as long as you want him to, so it’s really up to you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

If you happen to own any that you want to use together, he’ll be more than happy to. He’d be open to using some himself as well, but he’s not a real big fan of toys in general, so it would probably only be when you ask for it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t have it him honestly, he’s not got the patience or willpower to not fuck you. Teasing him is a little dangerous, because he doesn’t pick up on the flirty, shy aspect of it, he’s just ready to get going immediately. You can try being coy, but it just goes over his head.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He can’t make a lot of vocal noises, so it’s mostly loud breathing and panting. What noises he can make are mostly raspy growls, but it’s rarer to hear those. He makes a lot of noises, but they’re not really loud.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Sometimes when he’s out patrolling the woods, he’ll stop in back home and watch you through the windows, just to check up on you. It’s mostly that he knows he’d get distracted and not be able to leave if he went inside, but also a little bit of hope that he’ll catch you doing something naughty so he can barge in and join you.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It really doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you’re ever in the mood then you already know he’s ready. He could probably just not stop and be fine with that, but regular people have to rest at some point.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t sleep, but he does rest, sort of. He’s still awake and aware, but it can look like he’s sleeping. A lot of times he doesn’t bother with trying, he just lays in bed and holds you until you wake up, but sometimes he likes to get under the blankets and lay down.

Fluff HC

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

There isn’t one thing, but a lot of little things that catch his eye. Your messy hair in the morning, the enthusiasm you have for those horrible movies you like, the way your hand automatically settles on his thigh when he sits next to you.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

It’s probably not physically possible, but he’s sort of undecided about making a family anyways. He’s not really thought too much about it and he doesn’t really like kids too much, but he would agree to it if it’s something you wanted.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

He loves to be the little spoon. It’s a bit difficult to make that happen, since he’s three times your size and you can’t really put your arms all the way around him. You just end up hanging off him like a baby monkey, but he’s happy.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

You do things together all the time, walks and hikes in the woods or marathoning cheesy movies all night. There are no set date nights or activities, you’re happy to just be around each other.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)

Love. He’s a sappy guy, so he values your connection more than anything else. He’s never been lonely before, so it’s all the more strong when he feels the pull to be around you and keep you close. He’s also not very familiar with romantic feelings, so they’re much more intense going through it all for the first time.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He’s attracted the moment he sees you, and after keeping an eye on you for a little while after, he can’t stop thinking about meeting you, touching you, being held by and holding someone else. He’s practically in love before he even really meets you, and that’s what pushes him to actually try introducing himself.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

He has to be, with the size and strength that he has, but it’s something he’s got to learn first. He’s very afraid of hurting you, or making you afraid of him, but over time he’ll get more confidence in himself and realize that he doesn’t have to overthink it.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He’s real big on physical affection, so holding hands is something he loves. Even if you’re already wrapped up and sitting in his lap, he’ll grab both your hands in one of his, just to feel that much closer.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

A little frustrated. You aren’t really in his woods, but you’re close enough that he keeps a watch on your property anyways. It’s irritating at first to have a stranger so close to him, even if you’re realistically a good distance away. He quickly changes his mind though, and keeping an eye on you soon becomes an excuse for peeking through your windows.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

That’s an understatement. He’s pretty much only ever jealous of other people, but when it happens it gets messy. Normally he doesn’t let anyone get close enough to even realize you’re there, but you have to go into town eventually and he hates it. He’s pacing around the edge of the woods the whole time you’re gone, waiting at the start of the trail that leads back home for you to come back and more than a little afraid that you won’t.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Kissing is a little complicated for him, depending on what’s under the mask. If he’s got lips, there isn’t too much hesitation in showing his face to you and the smooching can commence. Otherwise, he’ll still be ready to take the mask off, he’s actually got much better self esteem as a zombie because all of him is a little messed up now, but you’ve got to work out how to get kissing done with only one pair of lips.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He doesn’t say it, but he practically radiates it from the get go. He’s already enamoured by the time he’s actually approaching you, and although he can’t write very well at all, the big, clumsy hearts drawn on any piece of paper he gets his hands on are a pretty clear sign. He’s very eager to express his feelings any chance he gets.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

He likes leading you around the woods, showing you places he likes or interesting things. None of these things would really stand out to anyone else, but he’s been here so long that even the smallest abnormality is noticed. He’s always got something to point out no matter where you are.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

He doesn’t exactly use money, but whatever an unfortunate camper brings with them is yours for the taking if you want it. All the sleeping bags and crappy pop up tents your heart desires, any flavor of granola bar you could dream of, limitless amounts of broken compasses and torn guidebooks.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

Seasonal colors, whatever matches the time of year when you met. Soft, light spring colors or wet, monochrome winter ones, he always thinks of how lucky he is to have you more often around that time.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

He will die if you call him by pet names. Nothing could make him happier than indulging in sappy, cliche romantic stereotypes and he will be delighted by whatever you call him, but the more sickeningly sweet and lovey-dovey, the better.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

The whole camp is outdated and ragged after years of being abandoned, with a lot of equipment left behind. He likes the old mess hall where the children ate lunch, particularly the cozy little kitchen in the back where his mother worked. He doesn’t have any real memories of the place that make him like it so much, he just knows it was somewhere that his mother enjoyed being.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

If he has campers to chase off, the rain isn’t going to stop him. Otherwise he’ll stay inside with you, or follow you out on a short walk in the rain, whatever you prefer to do. He’s hyper aware of how fragile you can be compared to himself, so the slightest hint of a sniffle gets you hauled back inside.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He can’t stand for you to be sad, it puts him on edge and makes him feel like there’s some danger he should be hunting down. If something’s wrong, his first instinct is to defend you, checking over the little cabin for intruders. The safest place is by his side, so you’re on Jason Watch for the next few hours, or until he feels like you’re back to normal.

He’s actually pretty perky most days, so when he does start feeling upset it really shows. Affection, sweet and gentle, is the best way to get him feeling better, letting him lay in your lap while you stroke his skin and whisper nice things in his ear.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He can’t make any vocal noises at all, the most he can do are breathy sounds and wet gurgles, but he learns quickly how to communicate with body language. He wants to hear about whatever you will tell him, not really understanding some of it, but happy to be included. It’s easier for him to answer direct questions than to try and say something on his own, so you have to lead any conversation.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

He likes doing your bedtime routine with you, even though he doesn’t sleep, following you around and helping you get changed and brush your hair. He’ll tuck you in, making sure you’re comfortable and ready for bed, before climbing in himself.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

He’s a protector, so any chance to show off those skills will have him feeling strangely proud of himself and eager to show you what he can do. He is constantly striving to prove himself a good partner, doing whatever he can to earn your admiration. If you praise him for something, even something small, he’ll be quick to repeat it.

W = Wedding (When, how?)

He won’t want one himself, whatever you have together is fine on it’s own, but he will be very happy to participate in any kind of ceremony you want. Explain the significance of what it involves, the traditions or customs you use, and he’ll do his best to follow along. Honestly, he’ll be sort of lovestruck just thinking that you want to do something special like that just for the two of you.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

He’s really fond of music, actually, and he’ll say it doesn’t matter what kind, but he’ll admit to a preference for soft, sweet songs if you push him. The words don’t matter so much as the feel of it, something slow and quiet, with smooth voices.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

He’s a ride or die kinda guy, if you’re past the point where he might potentially kill you, then consider yourself spoken for. He doesn’t necessarily think of marriage because that’s not a solid concept in his mind, but he knows he wants loyalty and commitment from you and is ready to give it in return.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Despite pretty much living in the middle of the woods his entire life, Jason isn’t fond of keeping pets. Wild animals are one thing, but he doesn’t want something that depends on him. He won’t stop you from getting one if you want, though, so long as he doesn’t have to do much for it.

[swedesarethebest]

Show Me What I’m Looking For - Brayden Point (2)

Warning: bad english (🙃) and light swearing maybe (???)

Image source: @dangerouslyaddictivethings

Enjoooooy! ☺️☺️☺️

You weren’t exactly sure why you were so upset: firstly, you were disappointed in yourself, because you considered yourself a strong, independent and proud woman. The fact that you were so kind to a stranger that literally punched you in the face made you feel ashamed. You should have said something, or should have made a huge scene, but as the day passed by you realized that wasn’t you. Growing up with two brothers you were used to physical contact and you only got stronger when you started playing a sport that was more on the physical and rough end. In this case it was your pride that got more hurt, not necessarily your eye. Secondly, you were waiting for a text or a call from Brayden. It bothered you so much that he didn’t contact you after two days, that you were barely able to work. Your mind was constantly on the blue-eyed guy that punched you in the face and you simply couldn’t focus. You were checking your phone every minute without even noticing and you immediately checked every single notification the moment your screen lit up. That’s exactly what happened when your phone started ringing during your lunch break, but you were disappointed to look at your best friend’s name on the screen.

“I could be a total bitch about you leaving me at the club two days ago, but I had a fun night with one of the guys from the Lightning so you’re forgiven.” She said as soon as you answered the phone and you rolled your eyes, because that was exactly like her and you loved your best friend with all your heart.

“How did you meet a guy from the Lightning?” you asked in disbelief. You were aware that the Lightning was the hockey team in Tampa and they were quite the big deal, but you were not really into them. You liked hockey, but you were not exactly a huge fan. Your brothers, on the other hand, were die-hards and you had to go to games with them every time they visited you.

“A few of the guys were at the club that night, they were celebrating a huge win. But you owe me an explanation, why did you leave?”

“A guy punched me in the face as I was trying to break up his fight with my idiot of an ex, after that I wasn’t in the mood to stay.” You didn’t want to mention what happened outside the club, because you knew she would make a huge deal out of it, taking you out to that bar every night until you and Brayden ran into each other again.

“No way.” She screamed and you had to distance your phone from your ear. “Tell me everything about it.”

You told her everything from running into your ex to the point Brayden helped you up, skipping the part when you talked and he asked you out, and how you got home with your eye completely swollen. She listened in awe and reacted by calling you a “badass”. You heard your phone beeping, signaling that someone else was trying to call your number.

“Hey, I think a client is trying to reach out to me, so I’m gonna hang up. Talk to you later!”

“K, love you bitch!” you heard her say as you hung up on her, answering the other call.

“Hello!”

“Hey, this is Brayden! The guy that punched you in the face.” You were taken aback by his deep voice and you felt the shivers running down your spine.

“Oh hey! Didn’t expect you to actually call.” You said hitting yourself in the forehead because of how stupid you sounded.

“Yeah, I figured the least I could do after what happened was to ask you out for dinner.”

“I would like that.” You answered a huge grin forming on your face.

“Are you free tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I pick you up at 7?” you nodded, but quickly realized that he couldn’t see it.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll text you my address.”

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight then.”

“K, bye.” You ended the call and started giggling. Your colleagues looked at you weirded out. You went back to work getting more and more excited as the time passed by. After you finished, you quickly drove home to have enough time to get ready. You were not girly by any means, but you wanted to impress Brayden, so you put on a nice shirt with skinny jeans and your favorite shoes. You put on light makeup and straightened your hair. You got ready 15 minutes before 7 so you sat down on your couch your dog immediately jumping on beside you and resting its head on your lap. You heard your phone going off so you got up and ran up to the device. You noticed Brayden’s name on your screen and answered with a huge smile on your face.

“Hey, I’m downstairs, do you want me to go up?”

“No, it’s not necessary. I’ll come down in a second.” You answered already getting out of your apartment and locking the door. As you left your building you immediately spotted Brayden leaning up to the side of his car. He was dressed casually and you relaxed, because you were feeling a bit anxious for not dressing up a bit more.

“Hey!” you greeted him with a small smile that he returned. He opened the door of his car and you climbed in. He shut the door and quickly got into the driver’s seat.

“You look beautiful.” He said looking into your eyes. You muttered a small “thanks” as you felt your cheeks getting redder and redder. You looked away from him, but you still felt his eyes on you. He started the car and quickly got out of your neighborhood.

“Is it okay if we go to my place? I didn’t exactly find a restaurant that had every kind of food and I didn’t exactly know what you like so I figured we could make something together.” He said looking at you at a stoplight.

“Perfect.” You said smiling. You were not exactly in the mood for a crowded restaurant so you liked the idea very much. You thought it was nice of him to take into consideration your food preferences. The rest of the ride was quiet and you were looking out the window. You noticed that you were in a really nice neighborhood close to the city center. He parked in front of a really nice building. You got out of the car before he had a chance to open your door. You thought it was a nice gesture, but you considered yourself a strong and independent woman, you didn’t want him to open your doors every single time you went out. It was simply too much for you. He opened the trunk and got some grocery bags out of it. You wanted to help, but he nicely refused and you got into the fancy apartment building. As you stepped into his apartment you were a bit shocked. It looked really nice, clean and had a beautiful view over the city. You noticed his suitcases beside the couch. He realised that you were looking at them and spoke up.

“I was away due to work for a few days. Just got back earlier on today.”

“Where did you go?” you asked looking at him. He started scratching the back of his neck looking down to his feet.

“Miami.” He answered looking up at you.

You both took your shoes of and he took you to the kitchen. He asked about your food preferences, but you were not a picky person, so you let him cook whatever he wanted to. He was making the food with great professionalism while you were sitting on the kitchen counter sipping on your wine while you both maintained a pleasant conversation. The time seemed to be flying by and you probably never felt so comfortable on a first date. He made a lot of jokes, he asked a lot about you and he was glad to talk about himself too. When the food was ready he joined you on the counter and gave you a plate of pasta which was really delicious. If an outsider looked at you at that moment they would have thought you were married for years. The whole thing was so casual and natural for both of you; you did not feel uncomfortable for a single moment. You kept talking while eating, making fun of each other and laughing together. After you finished eating you insisted on washing the dishes while he choose a movie you could watch together. As you finished the dishes you joined him in the living room and sat down beside him, keeping a small distance. It was that point when you felt a bit weirded out because you clicket so quickly, it felt like you had known him all your life. You started watching some random movie, as he got a bit closer to you and put his hands on your shoulders.

“Is this okay?” he asked looking down at you. You silently nodded and turned back to the TV with a smile on your face. After a while you started to feel tired, but you didn’t want to say anything ‘cause you didn’t want that night to end. He noticed that your blinks were getting heavier and heavier and though he wanted you to fall asleep in his arms so bad, he knew it was too soon for that.

“Hey, I’ll take you home.” He smiled and you looked at him with a sorry expression but nodded. You gathered your things and you left his apartment together. He drove you home and climbed up to your apartment with you.

“Thanks for the night, it was amazing!” you said as he smiled back at you. You embraced him in a hug as a gesture of goodbye and turned to enter your apartment, but before you could he grabbed your wrist and softly turned you around.

“I wanted to tell you something, I thought you’ll figure it out until now, but I see you have no idea who I am and I didn’t want you to find out from somewhere else. I actually play for the Tampa Bay Lightning. I hope things won’t get weird after this between us, but I wanted this off the table.” He weakly smiled at the end of his small speech. Your eyes widened a bit at the new information, but you quickly got yourself together and smiled.

“I don’t care.” You said. “I mean, I think it’s cool that you play hockey and everything, but if you’re concerned that I would look at you differently because of this, then don’t be.”

“You’re the best, Y/N!” he said hugging you again and kissing your cheek. You felt your face getting redder and redder as you said your final goodbyes, wishing him a good night. As you closed your door he was still standing in front of it smiling like an idiot. He fist-bumped the air and dancingly went down to his car. He had the best time he ever had on a date and he felt like he was on the top of the world. Both you and Brayden went to sleep happier than ever that night, knowing this was the beginning of something amazing.

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x17 “Game Night”

this was not 45 minutes of Dean playing Twister with Cas :/

04:22pm

if this isn’t 45 minutes of team free will 2.0 having a happy time in the bunker with all their alive hunter friends and family, playing board games, everyone whistling and whooping when cas takes off his coat to play twister with dean, i will be sorely disappointed

HOWEVER

/checks

it’s meredith glynn

so maybe it won’t be the pure, fun, gay plotless fantasy that i have in mind, but it’ll probably be well-written and emotional, which is aaaalmost as good

-

04:30

DEAN’S PLAYING MOUSETRAP 

OKAY 

OKAY

OKAY

-

04:31

[distant “soN OF A BITCH”]

yeah mousetrap is like that

we have one exactly the same, it’s from the 60s or something, it sometimes functions but mostly doesn’t

when the ball hops into the bucket and rolls down the slope, that’s my favourite part

-

04:37

WHY ARE THEY HAVING GAME NIGHT and drama WITHOUT CAS

WHERE IS CAS

WHERE IS CAS

THIS IS TOO MUCH

-

04:38

ahhh thank you ms glynn for immediately answering my question

she knew!!! she knew the only question everyone would be asking at that exact moment when nobody mentioned cas is WHERE IS CAS

and then she’s like “here have some cas”

thank

-

04:39

i want a gag reel of danneel and misha trying to do this scene

we don’t have anywhere near enough content of them together, interacting

-

04:41

cas getting earrings for anael/sister jo is so intriguing to me and i really like it for some reason

“lightly cursed”

jsdfd

-

04:43

paused and screenshotted because in this exact moment she looks uncannily like my doctor

-

04:45

jo: the winchesters don’t know you’re here, do they?

cas: “why do you say that?”

jo: “i don’t know, just a general reek of ill-conceived lone wolf desperation”

i love this script, danneel’s delivery, and also describing cas as a lone wolf, i find that both attractive and accurate... kinda makes me feel better about the fact he disappears for weeks at a time, i guess it’s just a personality trait of his that he likes being alone after socialising a lot

-

04:50

mary: “i can be... closed off... hard”

dean: “yeah? :) that’s where i get it from”

aw yeah cuties talking about their feelings

-

04:51

while dean and mary talk, i think the music is that soft piano theme they use when dean and sam are having emotions, and i’m not 100% on that because i haven’t heard it in AGES, like maybe two seasons, unless i just missed it

either way it just makes me think of all the times they DIDN’T use that music with dean and cas

at least not since season 4 or 5 (sic), this music definitely reminds me more of that era than the recent eras

-

04:57

cas in that big silver pickup truck

i wonder what dean thinks of all his car choices

-

05:00

YEEEAH SAMMY SMUSH HIS STUPID FACE

-

05:03

mary telling sam she’s proud of him eyyyyyyyyyyy <3

edit: IN HINDSIGHT THESE “LAST WORDS” INTERACTIONS WITH SAM AND DEAN HURT WAY MORE. now i’m really worried about her gdi ;A;

-

05:04

the doll cas blows dust off reminds me of that weird lil doll danneel keeps in her and jensen’s house

-

05:08

laughing because how is nick even close to being jack’s father

jack is biologically the president and the presidential aide’s/first lady?’s son

and team free will are his nurturing dads, who did the actual job of parenting

lucifer is his angel father since he was possessing the president

but like

nick is the body lucifer wore, was nowhere near the president, wasn’t a vessel at the time, hasn’t physically been allowed to be near jack in all the time jack’s existed, has had almost no interaction with him, and is also a douchebag murderer

family don’t end with blood and all, sure

but like

no

-

05:18

jo/anael: “look, i just stepped in a rat, so”

oh god that reminds me of--

*trigger warning: very gross, animal death*

reminds me of that time my cat brought in a mouse and ate half and then because it was dark i stepped on it in a bare foot and skinned it with my foot and it was cold and horrible

also that time i stepped on a spider, also in bare feet, and it crunched

and that time i stepped on a lizard but it was fine and it was SQUISHY

-

05:21

i went back a bit and anael throws the doll, first it says “ma-ma~?” and then it hits the pile and goes “mhmhj!!” and that’s both cute and upsetting

-

05:24

OH MY GOD IT’S LIKE THE SAMULET BUT DIFFERENT

cute lil horned skull, i want one. seriously it’s adorable, i don’t think it’s meant to be adorable but it is

-

05:34

rock hit sammy’s face and i cringed

-

05:37

of all the wounds to the head

finally one actually did some damage

feels weird but right that dean called an ambulance like real people

edit: what did he tell the EMTs though, now sam is all healed up

-

05:40

beautiful and terrifying

-

05:41

nick: “make me strong again, make me you”

he’s gonna die isn’t he

-

05:43

dean: “count with me”

sam” “you always put me first”

noo sam !!!!

-

and then the cut from sam, dead, to nick, dead

oh gdjfgdjg help dhfgdf

-

05:47

mary: “you need help, we’ll help you”

oh now i’m worried about mary

jack you better not hurt her

-

05:48

black screen

jack’s whisper “mary”

oh no

-

05:48

THIS WAS SO MUCH

AND IT WAS GREAT BUT IT WAS SO MUCH

I KNOW I SAID TWISTER BUT THIS WAS NOT THE KIND OF TWISTER I ENVISIONED

I MEANT PHYSICAL NOT EMOTIONAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH

i have no thoughts

i can’t think, i’m just

........maryy..........

i freaking loved anael, and i loved how cas interacted with her, he’s comfortable and knows her well and is just aware of her strengths and fears and likes and needs, and anael knows him just as well, well enough that she knew his real motivations for trying to contact god

i love that this was all about jack, but i also hate it because oh no our sweet baby nougat boy is a chocolate cake now

i love how much love the winchesters have for him, how they’re not even questioning whether he belongs there or not, even when lucifer and nick are trying to claim kinship. team free will are his three dads and everyone knows it

i adored seeing mary again, it feels like it’s been ages. and i hope dearly she’s okay at the end of this, we’ve all had enough of fridging and she doesn’t deserve that to happen to her again, none of us want that

meredith glynn writes good female characters with relatable positive and negative traits and i am so pleased to see that!! i do kind of think anael was the best part of this episode, and she was written so much better here than in the previous season. that stuff she and cas talked about, her doing everything for money vs. her trying to fix suffering, but also clearly enjoying the money along the way, that was my favourite part of the episode

i think my least favourite part was the fact it was basically two stories, cas doing stuff for jack, and then dean and sam and mary doing stuff for jack. i know it’ll match up later, but i disliked the lack of contact there. at least on screen, cas wasn’t informed about all the drama the others were going through, and like anael said, they didn’t know where cas was or what he was doing.

and also given this all happened apparently around the same time, and the episodes’ air dates (maybe) coincides with when they’re set, where WAS cas two weeks ago when he left dean and the bunker and dean said he left early in the morning? i assume he was going to meet anael, but how much time passed between then and this? idk

i loved that cas picked up earrings for anael though. and knew enough about them to know they were valuable. either he’s an jewellery expert or a geologist, or dean or sam are, and all of those possibilities thrill me

didn’t like sam getting hurt but the wORST PART was jack’s downfall here

oh no

dean’s relief after sam was healed, where he had to step back and turn around, that was... something. no matter how many times he almost loses the people he loves, it never gets easier for him, and it never will

damn that rock from the middle of the road that probably shouldn’t have been there

but also. how much of lucifer’s personality was just nick? because he’s basically the same person without lucifer. i’m really curious who lucifer is, because we don’t really know, do we? i mean, actions aside, the quirks of his speech and personality were seemingly all nick’s. (i think when sam was in the white suit, that was non-nick lucifer, except that was in an alternate timeline so who even knows.)

one more thing. a tip for the non-anxiety-ridden, non-autistic people out there. when a person is stumbling away from you with their hands over their ears/eyes/head, muttering about wanting the conversation to stop or the noise to stop or for you to go away, please, under no circumstances, go after them and yell at them and grab them

not saying jack should’ve done whatever he did, but mary definitely reacted in the worst possible way to a panic/anxiety attack, especially when jack is clearly dangerous to other people, not just himself

anyway. 06:21pm.

10/10, but would not recommend unless someone really wanted their heart ripped out

would have preferred dean playing mousetrap for 45 minutes and cas coming home early to find everyone had the correct amount of soul, and then letting dean teach him how to play twister, actual twister, not this twisted goddamn fuckery directed at my stupid emotions like this actually turned out to be

[cougarforcenty]

hung the moon...

a/n: some of you may dislike the ending as its a bit of a cliffhanger. i couldn’t make up my mind. may write a second part to this one. feedback is glorious + nourishing fruit.

summary: noah + the new costar who hates him get stuck in a precarious situation. costar’s faceclaim is the beautiful zazie beetz.

word count: 2638

warnings: none

You couldn’t really place it. You didn’t know what it was about him, or the general idea of him, that you found so untoward and irritating. You had enough self-awareness to realize that it may be the complete makings of your own neurosis and natural distrust but you just couldn’t shake it.

Everyone positively loved him. He had the cast and crew practically eating out of his hands. The girls in hair and makeup laughed at all his silly, menial jokes. The director showered him with compliments and tempered direction. Your co-stars would retell stories from the nights you went to bed early about some stupid prank he pulled on someone.

All in all, it seemed like you were the only one not fully on the Noah Centineo train.

But really, that was completely okay with you. You didn’t have the time or energy or mental capacity to be sucked into the false charm of another male co-star.

Been there, done that, didn’t even get a t-shirt.

At this point, you wanted to focus on your craft; wanted to truly harness your emotive propensities. You wanted to give a stellar performance and then get onto the next set, with a completely new group of people and hopefully not be cast alongside the world’s next biggest heartthrob.

You hope that your reticence with him isn’t coming off in your scenes together. You try to play it off as how your character would organically feel in a situation of love triangle proportions. You watch the dailies and can see that slight sheened veneer you put on when your characters are entangled. Whether emotionally or physically, or in the most difficult of spaces when both were required.

You’d skipped out on the suggested bonding practices that predated production and have maybe said 5 words to him directly when not in character. Though he’s tried numerous times to bridge the gap.

You continued to tell yourself it wasn’t unprofessional, you were simply protecting yourself. You wondered if your faux indifference would make for awkward promo after the film’s end but hadn’t thought that far in advance.

You were an actress after all. You knew how to fake it so you weren’t actually that concerned.

But this was the first time on one of your only days off that the director wanted you to meet her at a new location prior to shooting there.

Your reverence for her work made the inconvenience well worth it. Even in the middle of a very chilly fall in New York.

While waiting for the elevator doors to open in a rickety old building, you see Noah approaching.

You hadn’t realized you had both been called for this specific task. You’re instantly annoyed and pull your jacket around yourself snuggly.

He looks just as surprised to see you but doesn’t say anything.

You wait for the elevator in complete silence which seems to be taking literal years to make it down to the first floor, the little illuminating button almost taunting you with its beaming.

Finally, the doors slowly open and you walk in, he follows you a few paces behind.

He casually leans against the opposite side of the elevator and watches you push the button for the 7th floor.

“You know what this is about?” Noah finally says loosely, you can feel the weight of his gaze on the side of your face.

You shake your head lightly.

“It’s cold today,” he offers.

He’s talking about the weather and you want to die. You want to just vanish into a million little pieces.

You hate talking about the weather. You hate small talk with a passion that rivals little else.

Small talk was a waste of energy and vocal undulations.

You offer no verbal response.

Suddenly, the elevator jolts, sending you toward the button panel and then immediately stills.

Your ears start to ring as you immediately realize what just happened. You can tell Noah is saying something but you can’t make it out.

“No… no, no…” you mutter as you hit the panel. You try the emergency button, nothing. Then you hit any button in a desperate attempt to get the elevator moving again.

You feel your stomach drop when nothing happens.

“Shit,” you kick the bottom of the door which causes a jolt of pain to shoot through your foot.

You remember he’s there when you feel his hands brushing yours away from the panel.

“Don’t do that, you’ll only jam it,” Noah explains, calmly.

You angle away from his touch.

“Don’t touch me,” you mutter. You almost think you said it in your head until you look at him and realize his expression has gone from concerned to confused.

“You’re right,” Noah admits quickly, he takes a step away from you. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have touched you.”

Pain radiates from you booted foot.

“Fuck, that hurt,” you complain, attempting to put weight on your foot.

“Yeah, well elevator’s are made of steel,” Noah remarks as he takes out his phone. “No service.”

“Ugh,” you mutter as you squeeze your eyes shut against the ever impending reality of your current circumstance. You quickly glance at your phone. “Damnit!”

You repress the urge to throw it against the closed steel doors.

“What did I do to deserve this?” You demand to the unmoving metal.

“Someone will notice the elevator isn’t working,” Noah reasons gently. He’s retreated back to his corner.

“In this damn near deserted building?”

“Right.”

Silence looms as you attempt to slow your racing heart by pulling some deep breaths.

“How are you so calm?” You accuse.

He shrugs. He’s studying you. The way he sometimes did. The way he did when you were on set, or running lines with someone else or at dinner with the entire cast. You’ve caught him quietly contemplating some aspect of you and always immediately acted as if you didn’t see it.

You had a feeling he was always trying to silently figure you out.

But you weren’t budging. You refused to fall for whatever guise he operated under.

“I just don’t feel the need to freak out,” he offers simply. “It’ll start working again.”

You huff and continue to glare at the elevator panel.

Of course the universe would conspire to have you stuck in an elevator with this man. That’s exactly what type of track you were on personally.

Even if your professional life was flourishing, your personal life and emotional safety weren’t necessarily corresponding.

“I can take a look at your foot if you want,” Noah offered loosely.

“Does that line typically work for you?”

“Don’t really have much occasion to use it,” he countered without missing a beat. “Can’t say that I’ve seen many women kick steel elevator doors.”

“You aren’t a doctor,” you exclaim. “You wouldn’t even know what to look for. It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Okay.”

You silently stare at the doors, willing the elevator to start back up again. You really need to get out of there.

“Hey, listen… if I ever did or said something to offend you, I’m really sorry,” he offers evenly.

You still can’t look at him but you feel momentarily bad until you realize that this softness, this unending affable posturing that he seemed to be angling at wasn’t gonna work on you.

You’ve been a sucker before and those days were long gone.

“You didn’t offend me, Noah,” you begin carefully. Your anxiety still looming at the reality of this enclosed space. “I just don’t buy it.”

“I’m sorry, what? What don’t you buy?”

“Your whole schtick. The act,” you respond. “The effortlessly charming ‘nice guy.’ The internet’s boyfriend. Maybe everyone else eats it up, but I see right through it.”

There’s silence on the tail end of your claim. You almost want to look at his expression after your admission but feel it better to keep your attention outward.

Then you hear a small chuckle and you’re instantly infuriated.

“When did you become an expert on ‘schtick’s’?” He questions. “Is it a class you can take?”

“Fuck you-”

He completely bypasses that remark.

“Do you typically so easily pass judgment on people without knowing them or is that a specific distinction I get the privilege of.”

“I don’t need to know you to be able to peep your whole game,” you retort.

You finally do look at him. His arms and legs crossed, leaning against the elevator. The way he’s holding his body reminds you of the easy posture of someone who looks like he’s lying down while upright. Utterly relaxed. His gaze is unflinching.

“There is no game,” Noah corrects. “I’m not the way I am for any type of personal gain.”

You laugh now. You think that maybe mirroring his own reactions will somehow allow you to calm down and make you less unnerved by his own ease. Because all it’s actually doing is making you more irritated.

“No gain? Besides everyone thinking you hung the moon, right? Okay.”

“You’re wrong,” he offers simply.

“That’s doubtful.”

“It’s actually unfortunate that you’ve relied so heavily on this narrative that’s a complete fabrication,” Noah responds. “Because if you hadn’t, then maybe we’d actually be friends or at least civil and you wouldn’t be standing in a stalled elevator seething because of some misguided hatred.”

“Oh my God,” you lament loudly, turning back to the elevator and banging on the door. “Let me out of here!”

“That won’t help.”

“Please stop talking.”

“Sure.”

He goes silent and the silence is almost worse than hearing his incessant gabbing.

You feel a well of emotion come up dissimilar to the anger and terror you’d been trying to mask since the elevator stopped.

“You men are the fucking worst,” you mutter, not even to him directly but you know he hears you.

“What’s his name?”

“Who?”

“Whoever has you out here distrusting complete strangers,” Noah ponders.

“Names, plural. Your kind are real winners,” you remark, taking a deep breath in an attempt to try and subside some of the sadness creeping in.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that. You are also not a complete stranger. You have a very public persona.”

“As do you,” Noah reminds you. “Or one that’s been crafted around your relationship at least, but unlike you, I don’t necessarily believe it.”

You prickle at that. Just the mention of your ex sends you to another realm you can’t really occupy in such close quarters. You feel like the elevator is much too small for all the vitriol you hold for him and your memories.  

“I’m not talking to Disney channel’s wonder child about any of this.”

“You’re mean,” he observes lightly. But he doesn’t actually seem offended. Which is weird to you.

Were you trying to break him? Trying to rile him? What were you actually doing besides internally screaming for something?

“But maybe not as much as I originally thought,” Noah continues thoughtfully. “If I’m honest, it sort of hurt my feelings that you were so kind to everyone else. I tried not to take it personally. But more than mean I think you’re hurt.”

“Please do me a favor and don’t ever fix your mouth in an attempt to psychoanalyze me again.”

You look up at the elevators mirrored ceiling and let out a primal scream. Once it’s out, you bend over, bracing yourself with your hands against your knees, just praying that the elevator will start working.

You silently count to 10 with your eyes squeezed shut. When you open them there’s no change.

You feel worse.

“We’re gonna die in here,” you say desperately.

“We will not die in here,” Noah assures you.

“What do you know?”

“It’s a shame our characters don’t hate each other,” Noah offers thoughtfully. “You’d have a head start.”

“You’re not important enough to hate, Noah,” you exclaim bitterly.

“Ouch.”

You feel yourself vacillating between anger, fear, sadness, and panic. All emotions you don’t want anywhere near this man you’ve kept at an arm's length.

“Will you stop looking at me?” You’ve felt his eyes on you intermittently the entire time and the longer that continues, the more unnerved you become.

“Where else am I supposed to look?”

You can tell he’s trying to be playful. Which is maddening and also a bit sweet because you momentarily forget you’re freaking out.

“Anywhere else.”

“I’m looking at you because you’re trembling,” Noah offers gently.

“It’s fucking freezing.”

“Hey, look at me,” Noah requests after a moment. It takes you a full 7 seconds to bring yourself to do as he says.

His gaze is so gentle and innocent, you almost feel like you’ll burst into tears just looking at him.

“I will not hurt you.”

Those words hit you with every ounce of sincerity they are uttered alongside.

You instantly believe him and you’re pissed about it.

He straightens and walks toward you. Which is only about two paces in that elevator. His hand’s tentatively on your shoulder and it’s only then when you physically feel just how much you are shaking.

“Is this okay?”

You nod your head wordlessly. He outstretches his other arm and with the most subtle movements, wraps you into a light hug.

You lean against him instantly, your body finally being cued to relax for the first time since the elevator stalled. Your hands come up and grasp the sides of his jacket, your ear against his chest.

He tightens his arms around you as you sink further into his warmth.

“Your heart is racing,” he mutters.

“Anxiety,” you sigh. “How are you so warm?”

“I don’t know, I just run hot.”

Being in his arms feels so good. You want to believe it’s just his body heat and the lack of your own but it’s something else. Something that pulls at the pit of your stomach and knaws at your conscious.

If someone would have told you, even 12 hours ago, that Noah would be holding you in this moment, you would have laughed in their face.

Maybe you were wrong about him.

That realization makes your heart drop and all the myriad of emotions that well up in you are steeped in regret and embarrassment.

He’s being so sweet to you and you’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass.

You feel your eyes burn with tears as you wrap your arms completely around him beneath his jacket.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch to you,” you mutter. You attempt to school your tears but they won’t be reasoned with.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” you exclaim against his chest, your voice breaking. “I have such a shitty track record with charming men, I just clammed up. I didn’t even get to know you on a basic human level and that’s so embarrassing. I’m so sorry.”

The tears are flowing now and you feel absolutely mortified.

He pulls back briefly just to peer into your face. He wordlessly wipes away your tears and envelops you back into his arms. This only makes you cry harder.

Where did this deep generosity come from? Why was he so willing to freely give it?

“Shhhh,” Noah offers, resting his cheek against the top of your head. “It’s okay.”

“It’s so fucked up,” you cry into his chest. You don’t know where these tears are even coming from, or why you feel safe enough to unload them with him in this moment.

There’s a lot there that you haven’t even begun to speak of.

He’s back to wiping your tears away and his eyes look like the most delectable mixture of honey and amber and you feel certain you’re in the Twilight zone because all you want to do is kiss him as your eyes flick toward his mouth.

But you wouldn’t dare… it feels like too big a stretch and you aren’t that brave.