#at least I met a hot dilf in the park | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

peachy-momos · 3 years ago

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𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭 ღ 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐁𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐧

A/N: Here it is, back again! Sorry if any spelling/grammatical errors! MINORS DNI!

Pairing: Dilf!Reiner Braun x Reader

Warnings: Reader is fem bodied and goes by she/her pronouns. Big age gap. Reiner is your best friends dad. Lots and lots of teasing. The use of daddy and babygirl. Unprotected sex + creampie, vaginal sex, fingering, oral sex (f receiving). Spanking with a belt. Reiner being himself even in old-ish man form

“So, tell me again why we’re going to your dad's house?” you held your phone to your ear with your shoulder, searching through your drawer to find a bathing suit. You pulled one out, but decided you would probably have to look for another one… just in case you met any hot guys on the beach town you were going with your best friend to.

“Because!” she sounded giddy, “I haven’t seen him in two years, and you’re not going home anyway. You promised you’d come with me.” pausing, you could hear her shut something loudly. “Annndddd there’s a beach. Why would you say no to that?”

You giggled at her words, “I’m not saying no! I just needed to know more about it. Got anything planned?” you packed your suitcase, smiling against your phone, a month of being on the beach with your best friend? Sounds like heaven.

“Alright, I have to go. Dad’s calling!” she said her goodbyes and you hung up, grabbing more stuff to put in your suitcase. Making sure to pack the essentials, you hopped into the shower, throwing on a t- shirt and some shorts once you were done. It was still pretty early, and it would only take two hours to get there, at least that's what she told you.

Grabbing your keys and luggage, you left your apartment to start loading up your car. You made sure to save room for your friends luggage, hers would always be bigger than yours, she felt the need to overpack twenty-four seven.

“Hi!” she waved as you pulled up, her crop top riding up on her skin. You popped the trunk for her, and she shoved her luggage in with a small grunt, pressing the button to shut it before stepping in. Her hair was in two braids, sunglasses propped on her head.

“Someones ready to go.” you teased, putting the directions in your GPS.

“Duhhh. I miss my dad.” she propped her feet up on the dashboard. “You’ll love him. He’s such a big teddy bear.”

“I’m sure I will.” your eyes focused on the road, directions sounding off beside you. “From the pictures you’ve shown me, he's pretty hot too.” she scrunched her nose up, a noise of disgust making its way out of her as she batted at your shoulder with one hand. You batted back at her, “I’m just joking! He looks nice, I can’t wait to meet him.”

She hummed in agreement, closing her eyes to get some rest. You swore she was like a cat, sleeping anywhere and everywhere

The ride was fairly peaceful, traffic wasn’t bad due to it not being a major holiday, and you only had to make one stop for food. Houses of pastel blues, yellows, and greens sprouted up growing closer and closer together the closer you drove into the beach side town. You rolled your window down, letting the scent of the ocean breeze permeate your car.

Your friend woke up drowsily, just in time to tell you the code for the gated community her father lived in.

“What the hell does your father do for a living.” you asked her as you drove through the community, the houses grande and luxurious.

She yawned, “He works for some corporate office. The CEO is like rich or something, dad’s one of the higher ups.”

“Oh.” you hummed, parking by the sidewalk. The house was smaller than many of the others, but still large in comparison to the average house. Opening the door, you made quick work of stretching your legs, your mind registered the person weed whacking in the yard. His blonde hair stuck to his face, facial hair nicely groomed. Your eyes traveled lower, three buttons unbuttoned on his shirt, his sleeves were rolled up, khaki pants tight on his very muscular thighs. Veins bulged out of his arms, wristwatch further enhancing them. You had to force yourself to look away as he looked up, a wide grin on his face.

“Dad!” your friend eagerly bounded up to him, throwing her arms around his wide shoulders. He hugged her back, hands looking massive around her waist.

You felt guilt wash over you. How could you find your best friend’s dad hot? How fucked up were you to be wondering about how his large hands would feel around your neck, what his muscular body would feel like on yours, what his voice would sound like when he was-.

You snapped out of your haze when your friend called your name, introducing you to her father. Making your way to them, you formally introduced yourself, earning a handshake from a him, and a “Reiner Braun, nice to meet you.”

Your hands felt clammy, quickly retreating to wipe them on your shirt and get your luggage. Reiner stopped you, motioning for you to get inside and that he’d get your luggage. You smiled shyly, biting your lip subconsciously.

Watching him grab the luggage certainly didn’t do your brain any good, he was still strong even in his older age, being able to carry two suitcases and an additional bag from his daughter. You scurried into the house, him showing you where you’d be staying and telling you that dinner would be ready within the next hour.

You swore you could feel the heat of his eyes lingering on you for a little too long, the shorts you wore were riding up on your ass, the fleshy meat hanging out ever so slightly. You turned around to see him already walking down the stairs, putting it off as a random feeling.

After unpacking, you went downstairs to sit with Reiner and your friend to eat dinner.

“So,” he started, cutting into his steak. “Do you have a boyfriend yet, sweetheart?” he asked your friend, and she rolled her eyes.

“No. Neither of us do.” she grumbled, and Reiner cocked an eyebrow. You joined in, “Yeah, stupid college boys or whatever.” shrugging, you took a bite, and your friend spoke once again. “That pretty much sums it up.” you chewed, nodding at her words.

Reiner hummed, swallowing. “You’re both pretty girls, you’ll find someone soon enough.” you smiled shyly at his words, your best friend speaking a cheerful “Thanks dad.”

“Thanks for the dinner, Mr. Braun.” you were washing off your dish, helping to clean up after dinner.

“It’s no problem sweetheart.” you shivered, hoping he didn’t notice. The nickname he gave both you and his daughter should not be this hot. He spoke again, “Call me Reiner. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

You smiled, wiping your hands off. “I loved it Mr. Braun.” calling him by his first name is a no-no, this wasn’t your territory, and by the way it made you bite your lip, you knew it led to other things in your mind. You passed by him, deciding to go straight to bed due to the long day you’ve had.

“Call me if you need anything.” he called up the stairs, and you let out a noise of acknowledgement, shutting the door behind you.

The next few days were spent hitting up the beach, the warm sun on your body washing out all the stress you held due to your hectic school life. Reiner’s eyes would catch on the dip of your cleavage in your swimsuit for a split second, before he coughed, sending you on your way.

At first you didn’t catch it, but after almost a week of it happening, you finally caught on. One night you got up to get a drink of water, passing Reiner’s room in the process. Soft noises flowed out of his room, and you not so innocently pressed your ear against his door, vaguely making out some grunts, and the phrase of “Fuck babygirl, yeah thats it. Cum on daddy's cock.”

You bit your cheek, clit throbbing. Deciding you don’t need water after all, you sprinted to your room lightly, closing the door and pleasuring yourself to how he would feel inside of you. You shouldn’t feel like this, his eyes taking in the curve of your tits, hips, and the plump flesh of your ass burned into your mind. The soft touches of his fingers on your lower back as he walked behind you. The way he looked when he was only wearing grey sweatpants, no shirt, as he stood outside your room asking if you needed anything. You wore a skimpy tank top and too short shorts, his eyes lingering on you for longer than you thought they would. You came with a quiet whimper, mind buzzing of Reiner and only Reiner.

He knocked on your door that morning, unaware of what you were doing last and what you heard last night. “Breakfast is ready if you want any.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” you said, getting up to make sure you looked nice enough for your liking. After some pampering, you made your way downstairs, Reiner was in a suit, grey tie matching his silver watch.

“Looks delicious.” you smiled, and your friend sipped her coffee beside you.

“Glad you girls like this old man's cooking.” he checked his watch, leaning over to lace his shoes.

“You’re not old, dad.” your friend set her coffee down, looking at Reiner with pursed lips.

He shrugged, “I have a daughter in college, I’m pretty old.”

You chimed in quietly, “Mr. Braun, you’re like forty-five at most, that’s not old.”

Smiling, he got up, adjusting his cufflinks. “I’m close enough, forty-one. See you girls tonight, have a nice day.”

Your friend rolled her eyes, poking her tongue out between her lips. “I’ve been meaning to buy a new swimsuit.” she mentioned, “Do you want to come?”

“Yeah sure, I needed an extra anyway.” the cogs turned in your head, a perfect excuse to buy a slutty bathing suit that could cause Reiner to crack. You bit your lip, getting up to go wash your plate and get ready.

The next day was Reiner’s day off of work, a perfect day to present your new swimsuit to him.

“Mr. Braun.” you piped up as he was taking his shirt off. “Could you put sunscreen on my back?” mentioning that your friend was in the cabana, setting up a pool floatie.

“Sure sweetheart,” he hummed, coming up behind you to grab the sunscreen. “It’ll be no problem.” Reiner squirted the sunblock in his hands, starting to rub at your shoulders. You sighed under his touch, every muscle relaxing. He squeezed more, and instead of going to your back he went to your feet and thighs, eventually coming up to lightly squeeze at your ass, making you gasp softly. It was the most gentle squeeze, but it sent shockwaves through your body, the cold lotion landed on your back, breaking you out of your haze. Reiner pressed his palms into your back, fingers skimming the underside of your swimsuit top.

His fingers caused your skin to erupt in goosebumps, nipples hardening. You shivered, and he hummed quietly, one finger skimming your skin, coming to pinch at your nipple through the cloth. You squeezed your thighs together to alleviate the pressure, making him groan softly. He dipped his fingers underneath your top, squeezing at both nipples under the fabric.

“Mmm… Reiner.” you sighed, jumping as the cabana door creaked in the background. He made it look like he was rubbing more sunscreen at your back, your friend coming out with the floatie.

“That took forever. I’m so sorry!” she apologized, Reiner closing the sunscreen bottle to toss it to her.

“It’s no problem, don’t worry about it.” you smiled, and she set the floatie down. “Your dad helped me with the sunscreen, but I can do yours if needed.” turning to face her, she shook her head yes, and Reiner excused himself to the bathroom, awkwardly shuffling away.

You motioned her over, biting your lip at what just happened. The teasing game was on, Reiner had no excuse as he started it. Squeezing the tube, you applied sunscreen to her back, lost in thoughts of Reiner and what you’d do to him.

Game on, now it was your move.

He knew you were staring at him like he was to you. He knew you saw him in a way as more than your friend’s dad. He knew.

That night at dinner, you decided to move past him in a tight corridor, pressing your chest against him. “Sorry,” you murmured, “ ‘s tight squeeze.” you bit the inside of your cheek as his breath hitched, walking off with a small smirk.

Reiner came to sit at the table later than you and your friend did, excusing himself due to having to use the bathroom.

You eyed him knowingly, eating your dinner in silence.

He cleared his throat, speaking up. “We’re going to dinner next week with my boss. Hopefully you girls packed some nice clothes.”

Your friend nodded, and you smiled. “We did, just in case.” chewing, you hummed, you did pack nicer clothes… but you’d have to go shopping, your dress was nowhere near the level it needed to be.

Before going to bed, Reiner knocked at your door like he did the week before. “It’s open.” you sing-songed, He opened the door, clad in pajama pants that hung low on his hips, showing the v line that ran down him. Even being in his early forties he was toned with muscle, shoulders broad. He was thick, built like a tree.

“Need anything?” his voice was low, and you shook your head.

“Thanks though,” you paused, saying the next words under your breath. “Daddy.”

His lips twitched, eyebrows arching. “Alright. Don’t hesitate to ask me.” he shut the door behind him, and you swallowed thickly. He had to hear it, the twitch in his lips showed he did. You had to stop the teasing by dinner next week, you don’t know if you could take it for much longer than that.

“What do you think?” you stepped out of the dressing room, the tight dress hugging every curve of your body.

“You look great, if there are any hot guys at the restaurant they're sure to see you.” your friend smiled, and you nodded. There definitely was a hot guy at the restaurant, and your dress was sure to help push him to the breaking point.

“Great, I’ll get it then.” you hummed, moving closer to her so she could unzip it for you. Changing back into your everyday clothes, you checked the dress out, thoughts swirling in your head.

⚜

Your heels clicked on the floor, hands fiddling with your dress material. Checking yourself in the mirror, you took a deep breath, relaxing your shoulders, deciding to go out of the bathroom.

“Hey! Dad’s waiting for us at the table, I’ll show you where it is.” she chirped, grabbing your hand. Guiding you to the table you saw Reiner and an older blonde man, faced adorned with a scruffy beard and glasses.

“This is my boss, Zeke. Zeke, this is my daughters friend.” Reiner said, and you introduced yourself, sticking your hand out. Zeke shook it, giving you a once over.

“Nice dress.”

“Thank you.” you smirked, leaning over to sit in your chair. The sides of Reiners lips twitched as you leaned over, cleavage on display. Acting like you didn’t see, you sat down in your chair next to your friend, Reiner sitting next to Zeke.

“You guys on summer break or something?” Zeke asked, pulling his lip between his teeth, checking your friend out discreetly.

“Yeah,” she hummed, biting her lip softly.

Reiner looked straight at you, eyes dark with his arms crossed. “They have another two weeks here.” he added, your skin erupting with goosebumps at the low tone of his voice.

He knew what you were doing, and it seemed that he was being strung up right along with your plan. “Honestly, I was thinking of staying here for a bit longer.” you shrugged, looking right back at him. “My parents live across the country, and I can’t afford a plane ticket to go see them, plus I don’t want to go home yet.”

Your friend looked at you, raising her eyebrows. “You do?” she asked happily. You nodded in response, trying to graze how Reiner would react. His expression was blank, but his jaw flexed, making your eyes dart to the side.

Truth be told, you weren’t super happy about having to stay at your friend’s house with her father when you first got the news. It would be awkward, you’d never met, and here his daughter had her friend staying at her house when they’re grown adults? The thought made you cringe, you had only seen one picture of him where he was wearing sunglasses, doing a normal dad pose. “Such a fun summer.” you thought sarcastically. But now here you are, willing to stay for a couple more weeks all because of your friend's hot dad.

You took a sip of your water, Zeke continued chatting with your friend, making her giggle. This night could go two ways, your friend would either be a) hooking up with her dad’s boss, or b) eventually hooking up with her dad's boss.

The tension between you and Reiner was thick, the air felt suffocating as he bore holes into you, and you took another sip of your water, hoping to quench the sudden dryness in your throat.

“What would you all like to start out with?” the waiter asked, snapping you out of your haze, and Zeke and your friend out of their conversation.

You all ordered, Zeke and Reiner both got beer, which surprised you due to their fancy attire and the restaurant Zeke took you to. They both got expensive dishes, which didn't surprise you. Speaking up, you spoke out your order, one of the cheapest items on the menu, making Reiner look at you with furrowed brows.

“You know I’m paying for this, right?” he crossed his arms, face deadpan.

“No, you’re not. I’ll stick with that, please.” you looked at the waiter, and Reiner spoke up.

Reiner must've heard you contemplating between the two dishes you wanted to order, one was much more expensive than the other, and you didn’t want to spend all of Zeke’s (or your, depending on who’s paying) money. He ordered what you wanted, giving the menus back to the waiter. “I’m paying for it.” he huffed, and that was final.

During dinner, you managed to drop your fork on the floor, Reiner brushing his hand on yours as you both reached down to get it. You gave him a lopsided smile, pulling the fork up. Brushing your hand on the fabric of your dress, Reiner going back to eat quietly.

Your friend continued to chat with Zeke, and it seemed he enjoyed the attention, his eyes skimming over her body as he licked his bottom lip.

Sighing, you put your hand on your cheek. The teasing games continued, Reiner failed to do anything, and although you were confident, you didn’t want to press past the boundary. Would this ever have a conclusion?

“What’s wrong?” he asked, concern etching into his features.

“Mm.” you thought about what to say, deciding to leave it vague. “It’s nothing, just some stuff has been happening recently.”

“Stuff?” he asked, and you nodded.

“Yeah. Stuff.” you cut into your food, taking a bite. Reiner took that as a signal to leave the subject alone, although you could tell it was bothering him by the minute. ‘Would he ask you about it again?’ was the main priority of your thoughts. There was nothing wrong with teasing and leaving things vague, but you had an ache only he could fill. The fire in your loins burned only for him, and his teasing act only set it more ablaze.

Excusing yourself to go to the bathroom, you took a breather to calm yourself down.

⚜

Reiner did absolutely nothing, your disappointment was evident on your face as you left the restaurant. Your friend lucked out though, she would be going to see Zeke on one of the following days, saying “sorry to leave you alone with my dad but…”. You already knew it was coming, she had been luckier than you, she had scored while you didn’t.

“You look great.” she wore a tight fitting top and some jeans, the date seemingly more casual than the restaurant he took all of you to. It had been a few days since going out, the air tense around you and Reiner, your friend oblivious through it all.

“Thank you!” she said cheerily, grabbing some jewelry to place on herself. Admittedly, you were jealous. Your fire hasn’t died down in the couple days filled with tension. Zeke was attractive, but he wasn’t the man you desired.

Whenever you would see Reiner, you’d walk the other way or right past him with a blank expression and no words coming out of your mouth. His face was firm, almost in a scowl. It’s his fault you were upset, and he knew it. You wondered if he internally cursed himself for not acting upon his needs, he sure seemed upset, but of course only for you to see.

Dinner was an obstacle you had to overcome, your answers were short and sweet instead of chatty and defined like they usually were. It was amazing how your friend stayed oblivious to it all, but you guess there’s other pressing matters taking over her thoughts. Maybe going back home wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“I’ll call you after.” she winked at you, grabbing your keys due to you allowing her to use your car.

“Have fun! Be safe, make sure he wears a condom.” you singsonged, smiling as she shut the door behind her.

Making your way to your room to sulk about how your life was, you were stopped by Reiner.

“What do you want?” your brows furrowed as he placed a hand on your shoulder. Your lips morphed into an angry, thin line.

Reiner was silent, only speaking when you went to remove his hand and move past him. “I’m sorry.” he said quietly.

“Sorry for what? You have nothing to be sorry about.” you turned your head, biting your lip to stop you from saying anything else.

“I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you lately. Let me make it up to you. I know the perfect spot on the beach.” his voice was barely a whisper, his eyes desperate and pleading.

“I don’t know.” you bit your lip harder, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath.

He squeezed your shoulder, pleading with you once again.

“Fine.” you murmured, his grip on your shoulder releasing. Making your way upstairs, you mentally picked out your outfit. Knowing Reiner and his wealth, you’d most likely be going to some upscale seafood restaurant. Once you were finished, you padded downstairs, Reiner was clad in a long sleeved button up, jeans, and a nice belt.

“You look pretty.” his hands shifted in his pockets awkwardly, his loose fitting shirt tucked in his pants.

“Thanks.” you were just as awkward, sweat resting on your brow.

He grabbed his keys, opening the front door.

⚜

Reiner took you to a restaurant on the beach, sitting next to you on one of the stools they set on the wooden dock. Reiner ordered a beer as always, giving you time to look over the menu and see what you want. You ordered a virgin strawberry margarita, hoping for the sweetness to help jolt your nerves back to their normal state.

“Thank you.” you grabbed the drink, taking a sip. Reiner was looking at you in silence, his adams apple bobbing in his throat. “What?” you asked, staring back at him.

He cleared his throat, “Nothing.” you furrowed your brows in response, and he spoke again. “I don't deserve this.” he sighed, looking at his beer.

“Reiner.” you spoke softly, any anger you still held dissipating. “You’ve been single for a long time. You’re handsome, smart, kind. You deserve a lot more than you think.” your hand came to clasp his, his shoulders relaxing in response. He looked at you once more.

“Thank you.” his fingers twitched under your hand, a small smile playing on his lips.

You smiled in return, picking what you wanted from the menu. Reiner ordered for both of you, the dinner consisting of small talk with each other and the staff.

Reiner held your hand in his as you walked off the dock and onto the beach. He pulled you in close, hands finding your waist, swaying you to the music from the restaurant.

“You like Weezer, huh?” you smiled when he hummed along to the song, your words causing him to stop and chuckle.

“How’d you know?” his voice was low as he swayed you. “Thought they were a little old for a girl your age.”

“I’m not that young.” you rolled your eyes, smiling. “Or are you just old, old man?”

He pulled you in closer, angling his head down to press his lips firmly into yours. Your hands flew to pull at the collar of his shirt, reciprocating his kiss. Finally, after all the buildup he laid a hand on you. His lips were slightly chapped, tongue playing at the seam of your lips. You opened your mouth, lifting one of your hands to play with the soft hair on the back of his head.

“Let’s go find somewhere more private. People are staring.” you breathed the words once you pulled away, the customers on the dock peeking over their shoulders to look at you.

Reiner nodded, pulling away to fit his hand in yours. You walked along the beach, the waves splashing calmly along the shore. Breathing in the salty air, you set your head on Reiner’s shoulder, him humming as you did so.

There was shouting in the distance, college students surrounding a fire pit, chugging down alcoholic drinks. They played music on a radio, contrasting against the live music on the dock earlier.

Reiner pulled you off to the side, a more secluded area where you could still hear the music blaring. He wasted no time in kissing you, lips pressing fervently onto yours. Your body went slack against his as his hands traveled down your back to grope at your ass. Wrapping your arm around his shoulder, you pressed on the back of his neck with your hand, inviting him closer.

He grunted, picking your leg up to situate it at his hip so he could grind into you. Reiner’s hand squeezed at the fleshy orb of your ass, the other one holding your leg so you could remain balanced. Your dress bunched around your thighs, the flowy material thin and easy to take off if he so chooses. He ground his erection against your clothed clit, making you moan softly at the feeling.

“Let’s go,” you whispered as the music got closer, the group’s voices becoming louder and louder. Grabbing Reiner’s wrist, you ducked into some sort of stall, seemingly a changing room. Reiner pushed your chest into the wall, angling you so he could grind his erection between the dip of your ass just right.You felt yourself becoming wetter at the action, hands finding purchase on the bar in front of you.

“Take off your dress.” Reiner growled, working on unbuckling his belt. You took off your dress, the swimsuit you had bought just for him underneath. You could hear the questioning “hm?” in his throat, and you turned around to look at him.

“Just in case.” you winked, moving back around, your arms untying your bathing suit top. Reiner’s pants fell to the floor with a dull noise, buttons being unbuttoned behind you. You turned around again to see him in his boxers, the hard imprint of his cock straining against the material. Christ, he was big, your mouth watered at the thought of him.

He pulled your bottoms down, snapping you out of your thoughts. His boxers followed suit, your heart raced at the sight of his cock bobbing against his stomach. It was even bigger than you thought, long and thick around the middle, head tinted a beautiful pink. Reiner sank to his knees to get a look at you, murmuring a “Fuck, you’re so beautiful baby.”

You whimpered in response, moving to get him closer to you. His fingers brushed along your slit, gathering the wetness. He opened you up delicately, staring at your clenching hole, finger teasing around it. “So pretty.” he spoke again, words quiet but going noticed. Your breath hitched in your throat as his finger was replaced by his tongue, he poked and prodded your hole, the fleshy muscle bringing delicate tears to your eyes.

Reiner lapped at your folds, moving on to circle your clit before tonguing it. Your wetness started to drip down your inner thighs, no doubt covering his chin and beard. He continued tonguing at your clit, pushing two fingers into you, groaning at the tightness around his fingers. Reiner rubbed his fingers against the spongy spot inside of you, making you moan.

The pace of his fingers picked up, tongue still working at your clit. The coarse feeling of his beard hair helped send you over the edge, cumming all over his mouth and chin with a soft cry of his name.

Reiner’s cock throbbed, twitching as he moved to stand on his feet again. His knees were sore, but he positioned himself along your slit.

“I’m on birth control.” you spoke before he entered you, “I’m assuming you’re clean?”

“Yeah.” He lined himself up, voice low as he pushed in, groaning.

You winced, body tensing. He was so big, you felt so full of him. “Oh f-fuck.” gasping, he stopped, letting you adjust to him. Once you gave him the okay, Reiner pushed further in, groaning as he bottomed out. His cockhead nustled against your cervix, making you squeeze your eyes shut, your heart throbbing in your chest.

“Fuck you’re tight.” he moaned, thrusting into you slowly. His hands grabbed your hips, and you squeezed him tighter in return.

“You can go faster…” you paused, whining as he pressed into the special spot that made you see stars.

Reiner squeezed your hips tighter, pistoning his hips into yours. Every groan, grunt, and moan of his had the knot in your stomach tightening. “Fuck daddy!” you whimpered as his hands found your clit, a feral growl leaving his mouth.

“Say it again.” his cockhead pressed that special spot again, and you cried out.

“Yes, daddy.” you bit your lip, and he pulled out to grab his belt. He looped it, hitting the flesh of your ass.

“Louder.” He slowed his pace.

“Oh my g-god daddy.” you moaned louder, lip quivering.

“Louder.” he hit your ass again, making you moan in pain.

“‘s good daddy! S-so good.”

Reiner dropped the belt ,instead choosing to return to his original pace. He dug his fingers into your hips, no doubt leaving bruises. You could already feel yourself getting sore, Reiner pummeling your cervix in just the right way. With a flick of his finger on your clit, and a press into your g-spot, you came hard.

“Jesus christ baby.” he groaned, falling onto you to cage you into the wall. With one final thrust and a twitch of his hips he spurt white ropes of cum into you. Reiner pulled out slowly, breath hitching as his cum slowly dripped out of you.

After a few moments he got up, moving to go clean himself up in the ocean. You sunk to the floor, legs heavy and jelly like.

“You okay? I didn’t go too hard on you did I?” he knelt down, stroking your cheek with his knuckle. Smiling woozily, you shook your head, making Reiner smile softly. He helped you up, picking you up to carry you bridal style.

“Thanks daddy.” you nuzzled into his chest, the heat radiating off of him making your whole body feel warm against the cold water he dipped you in.

Reiner washed you and himself off, stroking your hair softly. Once he was done, he got you both dressed, putting you into the passenger seat of his car where you promptly fell asleep.

⚜

Waking up in the morning was uncomfortable to say the least, you were sore, wincing as you got up to go downstairs to eat breakfast

“Look who's finally up.” Reiner teased, setting a plate of breakfast next to his.

“What time is it?” you said groggily, smiling when he placed a kiss on your lips. The action made your heart flutter, proving it wasn’t just a hookup.

“Ten thirty.” he handed you a cup of coffee, and you sipped the warm liquid, happy for a chance to pep up. “You feeling okay?” he spoke again, sitting down.

“Just a little sore.” speaking softly, you smiled around the bit of mug in your lips. “Thank you.”

“Take it easy today.” Reiner pat the top of your head, the knob of the front door jiggling. Your friend stepped through the door, hanging your keys on the hook.

“G’morning guys.” she smiled happily, Reiner taking his hand away from your head.

“How’d the date go?” you chewed on your food, looking over at her.

“Great! How’d it go here?” she pulled a chair out by you, head resting in her hands.

“Good.” Reiner piped up, taking a sip of his coffee. “We didn’t really do much, just went to the beach.”

You looked over at him, then your friend, and nodded, staying silent.

“I’m glad you guys had fun! Let’s go hit up some shops on the boardwalk today.” she smiled again, making you groan internally, but you agreed anyway.

Over the next few weeks your relationship with Reiner progressed, he’d take you anywhere he could, the couch, his bed, the shower, the kitchen counter, anywhere.

You still hadn’t told your best friend, having no idea how. One day you knocked on her door, too guilty of holding it in to do so any longer.

“Hey… I need to tell you something.” you gulped quietly, the pit in your stomach sinking.

“You’re in love and sleeping with my dad?” she hummed, flipping her magazine page without looking up.

“How-how’d you know…” she pat her bed, motioning for you to sit down.

“Well you're my best friend, and he’s my dad. I could tell.”

“Are you mad?” your voice was small, nervous, and she shook her head.

“I was shocked more than anything, why would you be into my dad?” she spoke, flipping another page. “My dad’s been happier than he has been in a long time, I’m not going to ruin it for him.” your tears were hot against your cheeks, and she looked up, moving the magazine to hug you.

“Thank you for understanding.” you sniffled, feeling her smile against your cheek.

“Of course, now stop hiding it. It’s nice to see my dad smile for once.” she wagged her finger in front of your face teasingly, making you giggle.

After a couple of hours, you went to tell Reiner. “She knows,” you said as you popped your head into his room, body following suit. Reiner opened his mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again.

“Well…” he spoke softly, looking at his laptop. “She’s not upset?” you shook your head, going to sit next to him. “Great then.” he kissed the crown of your head softly, breathing in your shampoo.

Summer ended as quickly as it came, tears were shed from your friend having to leave her father and Zeke.

“It’s okay, we can see them next break.” you pat her shoulder softly, trying to comfort her.

You had exchanged goodbyes with Reiner in private, giving him enough kisses to last a lifetime. If your birth control was acting up, you were sure to get pregnant after the night you spent with him.

Before you left, he gave you a couple gifts to remember him by, a locket, a bracelet with initial charms, and a small ring which he said he’d replace someday. You hugged him tightly, sighing into his shoulder about how you’d miss him, you were almost done with college, and you’d be seeing him soon.

“I know. Hit the road. She’s already waiting for you in the car.” he gave you one last burning kiss before sending you on your way.

Hopping in the passenger's seat, you looked out the window to see him waving bye with a smile on his face. You waved back, watching as his figure got smaller and smaller as you left the neighborhood.

You were glad you hadn’t said no to your friends offer, now you had a story to tell, and a lifetime of love (and great dick) to look forward to.

This was definitely a summer to remember.

#attack on titan #attack on titan smut #aot #aot smut #snk smut #shigeki no kyojin #reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun smut #shingeki no kyojin smut

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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years ago

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𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑆𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐷𝑖𝑙𝑓!𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧 (𝑅𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑)

Warnings/Disclaimer: NSFW content/Older Ateez but age differences is written withing legal boundaries. Also mentions of infidelity (which I don't condone, justify nor encourage), corruption kink and loss of virginity.

A/N: Also, Yeosang's reaction is a sneak peek at the Dilf! Fic in my w.i.p.

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

It all started as a way to get a passing grade for the semester, but soon became a mission to get inside your professor's pants. You still remembered the unamused gaze he gave you when you first suggested you 'help' him out.

"Nice try Miss Y/N.... but perhaps instead of wasting time behind the bleachers sucking off the jocks' cocks, maybe dip your head instead into your books and study for once."

You couldn't believe he'd actually reject you. No man had ever rejected you, they always fell to your charms. Professor Kim was about to become your biggest challenge yet and you didn't mind. Besides, something about fucking an older man had you pulling out your trusted vibrator out so many times during the night. Kim Hongjoong was just so fucking hot and you desperately wanted him, even if for one night.

"Please Mr. Kim..... you know they say I give the best blow jobs here." You tried yet again one day when everyone else left.

"They? You mean horny 20 something year olds who bust a nut by just a booby pic?"

For the first time, his poker face finally had an expression in the form of a smirk.

"Honey, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that. I've had my cock sucked by countless women in all my years. Besides..."

Leaning closer to you, he reached a hand out so his thumb could graze across your bottom lip.

"What makes you think a pretty young thing like you can take a mature cock like mine? You've probably never even had one half the size of mine."

You let out an involuntary moan as you pictured just how well endowed your teacher was. Looking down, you noticed the obvious bulge he was donning and you wanted nothing more than to pull him out and suck him dry. It seemed he noticed since he sat back down on his chair. Gesturing for you to come over, you practically hopped over to him, letting him guide you on your knees as he began to take himself out.

"But do knock yourself out. I'm kinda curious to see what the newer generations do nowadays."

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Others would have complained and would be annoyed by the fact their new neighbors would have almost daily fights between them, typical marital disputes. But not you, you didn't mind hearing their screaming that was clearly heard through the walls. Especially since more often than not their fights would end in rough, angry sex that had you touching yourself at nights, a guilty pleasure you always looked forward to.

And you had been eyeing the husband from the moment the couple moved in. Park Seonghwa was everything you looked for in a man and even more. Handsome, mature, tall, well sculpted, responsible, sexy as hell and you knew for a fact he could definitely fuck. One day you knocked over at their door to give them one of them many pastries you'd often bake for your neighbors in the building.

"You know Mr. Park....if you ever get too frustrated with your wife....my door is always open." You boldly offered him.

He looked at you in shock but you sent him a reassuring wink before walking back to your apartment, making sure to sway your hips so he could have the image engraved in his mind. And boy did you rile him up. Now he couldn't stop thinking about you. You're all he had in his head. Now whenever he'd fight, he'd storm out and you'd welcome him, proud to get what his wife wasn't getting anymore. And you were hell bent on making sure you'd keep him to yourself.

"Cum inside me....fill me up." You told him one day.

He was so lost in his lust for you he didn't think he'd hear you correctly. Giggling, you flipped the position so you were now on top of him, bouncing yourself on his enormous cock.

"I'll give you what your wife won't give you. Knock me up with your babies, fill me to the brim. I wanna carry your kids in me." You ran your hands down your chest and placed them on top of your stomach to get your point further across.

Seonghwa was going wild by this point. He had wanted to become a father for so long but his narcissistic and conceited wife would not budge. Yet here you were offering him the one thing he wanted and he couldn't resist. Sitting up, he began pounding up into you with more intensity, sending you crying his name over and over again as his teeth began to mark your neck.

"Oh I'll make sure to knock you up babygirl. Gonna fuck my kids into you...fuck! You're going to look even more pretty carrying my baby in you."

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yours and Yunho's relationship was rather.... unconventional to say the least. He ended up becoming your sugar daddy after you had auctioned off your virginity online cause you were a broke college student and you honestly didn't give a damn at that point. But it was you who were in for a surprise when you met him in the hotel room and he just handed you the money without wanting anything in return.

"Just take it and don't give away something so valuable away like that."

You were so stunned by his behavior and it honestly sent some weird feeling inside you.

"But what if I wanna give it away?" You asked before he could open the door to leave. He let out a deep sigh.

"Trust me, you don't." He insisted.

Biting your lip, you took in his height and built. You weren't going to lie and pretend you didn't size him up from the moment you saw him. He probably had a monster cock that could tear you apart and part of you wanted that. Plus he was probably experienced in making love to someone so why not?

"If it's with you I really do..."

He whipped his back at your words, about to scold you but his words got caught in his mouth when you began to strip in front of him before laying down on the bed, legs spread for him and anxiously waiting for him to touch you. He couldn't resist himself. He ended up pining your tiny and virgin body under him, tearing your hymen apart and claiming you as his. He made sure you were in no pain and he had you cumming more than once. You could say it was an amazing first time.

You spent the rest of the night talking, and you ended up spilling about your economic situation. Perhaps it was pity, perhaps he was high on having taking your virginity, or perhaps he truly felt something for you. Either way you agreed to be his sugar baby, and you don't regret it one bit. Not when you get to have his monster cock in you, and he's not complaining either when he gets to stuff himself in you.

"Fuck! You're still so damn tight my little one... just like the first time."

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

He tried to ignore the sound of the shower right behind the door he was leaning in. He had to. He shouldn't try to imagine what was going on in there. But as his eyes closed, he couldn't stop picturing your naked body glistening as the water cascaded down your skin. His hand grazed over his erection, wondering if perhaps you were doing something similar.

Before he knew what he was doing, he slowly and quietly opened the door, the hot steam fogging up the glass doors to the shower but he could still make out your beautiful and young figure. He witnessed as your hand played with your clit, dipping inside your folds as tiny gasps and pants escaped your lips.

"Mr. Kang...." Hearing you murmur his name sent any self-control he had out the window.

He began to strip himself out of his clothes, very slowly and in silence so as to not disturb you. Besides you looked so pretty as you touched yourself, trying to get yourself off at the thought of him. Without taking his eyes off you, he slid the glass door and soon stood behind you in the luxurious and spacious shower. You jumped slightly when you felt familiar hands wrap themselves around your waist, fingertips digging into you. You could never forget his touch, you remembered how those hands felt when they once caught you and saved you from a nasty fall.

You knew it wasn't a dream or fantasy when you felt lips pressing open mouth kisses against the side of your neck and traveled down to your shoulders. You moved your hand away to allow the person behind you to take control, his long and slender fingers finally making your darkest fantasies come true as they penetrated inside you, moving back and forth in an effort to bring you into an orgasm.

Kang Yeosang's deep and husky voice breathed into your ear, sending shivers down your body.

"You don't know how long I've lusted after you..."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

With Choi San it wasn't you seducing him. It was letting him seduce you. Ever since he saw you walk in with your short skirt, applying for a part time job at his bookstore, he had been wanting you, craved your body. And honestly... you fed him in his game.

You would wear even shorter skirts, bending down right in front of him so he could get a glimpse at your scantily clad pussy. Or you'd constantly ask him for help in putting away some of the books that went on higher shelves just so he'd put his hands around you, which he'd often keep there longer than needed. And you loved it.

One day he had been frustrated by you past his limit. Throwing away all decorum, he came up behind you as you arranged some books. You let out a gasp when you felt his hands grope your breasts.

"I've been working you too hard my darling... maybe I should let you take a little break?" You became putty in his hands when he used his satoori tone with you.

You didn't stop him when he lifted your shirt up to your neck, nor when he pulled your breasts out from your bra cups. You just moaned with no shame as his fingers tweaked and pinched at your highly sensitive nipples.

"Fuck you have really soft and squishy boobs. It's like they were made for my hands."

Snaking one hand under your skirt, he was surprised to not only find out that you were practically dripping for him but you were not wearing any underwear that day.

"Shit darling, did you came here hoping I would fuck you?"

You threw your head back as he cupped your heat, rubbing at your clit.

"Yes! Please fuck me Mr. Choi! W-wanna get fucked by you." You begged him, pushing your ass behind you to grind against his very obvious bulge.

He was more than satisfied by your answer. Finally getting your consent, he no longer had to hold back. Freeing his cock which was leaking at the tip, he pushed your skirt up to expose your ass cheeks. Giving each of them a few slaps with his cock, he teased you as he rubbed his bulbous tip along your slit.

"Now my little apprentice, I'm going to show you how a real man fucks a little cunt like yours."

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

Spotting exactly what you were hoping to find for the night, you approached the older male and sat in front of him. Giving you a little glance, he furrowed his eyebrows as he took in your countenance.

"Aren't you a little young to be in a club like this?" He questioned you.

"Trust me, I'm old enough." You boldly took the glass he had in front of him and took a sip before setting it back down.

He let out a tiny chuckle as you practically drowned almost an entire glass of straight vodka. You had guts, he was giving you that.

"Little lady I'm sure there are more young men your age scattered about waiting for a beauty like you to pay attention to them. So why not go find them?" He suggested.

You frowned at him, a tiny huff coming out from your lips.

"Guys my age are all idiots and little babies. Absolutely nothing fun about them."

You scooted closer to him, your hand coming down to rub at one of his ridiculous thick thighs.

"I prefer men who are more older and..... bigger." You made emphasis on that last word.

The male snorted as he let you continue your little game. He was actually pretty amused and flattered at having a young and attractive girl hit on him.

"Little lady as much as I'd love to take you back to my place and fuck you into my sheets, I'm warning you that I'm into more.... risque and exotic pleasures and honestly....I don't think an inexperienced thing like you could handle it."

The man, whom you soon found out was named Song Mingi peeked your interest even more as he confided in you that little detail. And you were more than happy to indulge in extremely naughty kinks. That's how you ended up in his bed, your hands and feet tied to each of the bed posts, blindfolded, gagged, nipple clamps adorning your perky breasts as your older lover for the night was continuing his abuse on your swollen and red pussy, drawing out orgasm after orgasm out of your body.

"Fuck! Holy shit!" He cried out, grunting in an almost animalistic manner as he pumped his cum all over your body.

Removing your blindfold and mouth gag, he looked for any signs of regret but was instead met with your fucked out face that held a tiny grin.

"Older and bigger cocks are indeed the best."

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

Working as an exotic dancer, you met a lot of customers and got used to having regulars. But no one got under your skin or made you lose your senses like Jung Wooyoung. Usually you didn't give any special treatment to anyone unless it guaranteed more cash in your garter belt. But there was something about him that had you constantly looking over when he was there. Every time he was watching from the crowd, you made sure every wink, every lip bite or swirl of your tongue was directed at him.

You were thinking about giving up, since weeks passed and he didn't seem to make a move on you or on any of the other girls. Perhaps he was dragged there by his friends since he always sat there idly, no expression whatsoever. When you were told someone payed to have a private show with you, the last person you expected to see was none other than Jung Wooyoung himself, sitting on the couch, a glass of wine on his hand. Pulling out a large bill, he smirked at you.

"One hundred dollars if you take off that top."

His request had your legs wobbling. Since it was a rather fancy and elegant strip club, none of you ever actually stripped completely bare, only staying in scanty lingerie. But honestly, you didn't hesitate and let the top fall to the floor. You loved the way Wooyoung was eyeing your chest, tongue poking out to wet his lip. Reaching into his pocket once more, this time he produced even more bills and layed them on the table.

"500 dollars if you remove that lace thong."

Holy crap, you thought to yourself. That was a lot of money that you weren't going to refuse. And besides, you were already wet for the older man that you would suck him off right then and there if he asked you to, with absolutely no payment. This time his hand began to rub at his crotch. Unzipping his pants, he took his long length out which had your mouth watering and staring for so long that you didn't notice the even larger stash of cash he had taken out of his jacket which layed beside him.

"One thousand dollars if you hop your pretty ass over here and bounce yourself on my cock."

Not needing to be told twice, you practically plunged yourself down on him, not caring to take your time as you began to fuck yourself on his cock. The man underneath you was enjoying himself as well, the visual of your ass clapping against his hips driving him insane.

"Fuck! Yes! Just like that- oh god!"

You let out a yelp when his hand came down to slap your cheeks rather harshly, hips taking control as he rammed his cock into you. Through raspy grunts and growls, he made his final proposition to you:

"Your own place, monthly allowance and anything else you want if you leave this place and become my own personal fuck toy."

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Working as the personal assistant for your father's CEO friend was not easy. Not because Choi Jongho was difficult, scary and begrudgingly agreed to have his friend's daughter work for him when she had no experience, but because the man was hot. You had the hots for your dad's friend and knowing you would have to be by his side for 8-10 hours on the daily both thrilled and terrified you.

"Can't you even work a simple printer? Seriously? How stupid could you possibly be?"

You honestly didn't mind his constant insults and degradation. In fact...that's exactly what you wanted, even more if he did it in front of others. Truth was, you did know how to work a printer and do other office related small tasks. You just chose not to just to have him yell and scream at you. His anger further fueled your sexual desires for him.

Eventually he ended up finding out what your little plan was when he chanced upon you sending a fax for someone, something he had always refrained from teaching you cause he thought you'd be too stupid to do.

"Why you cunning little vixen." He clicked his tongue in annoyance as he saw you, angry that a little brat like you was getting under his skin just to get a reaction out of him. He felt his palm start to tremble with an urge to bend you over and spank you into place.

Which he did end up doing, among other things in an effort to get you to behave or straighten up. But it never fully worked since you kept testing his patience, and he truly didn't mind. He liked your little game and he started to look forward to having his little vixen misbehave just to put her back in her place. And you lived for having him punish and degrade you.

"Look at you. You look like a common whore, letting me fuck her little hole as much as I want to."

You whimpered as his hand pulled your hair, making you lift your head and watch from the mirror as he fucked you from behind against his dresser.

"Maybe I should take a picture and send it to your dad. Let him know that his precious daughter is nothing more than a slut that likes getting her tight little hole fucked by his best friend."

You shook at his words, tears steaming down your face from the overstimulation he was putting you through. You absolutely loved it. Loved having him remind you of how wrong and sinful it was. Pressing your back against his chest, he wrapped an arm around your throat as he pounded his cock into you like the beast he was.

"But no... I won't do that. This will be our little secret."

Gifs not mine. Credit goes to their respective owners

#ateez #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #dilf!ateez

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takerfoxx · 3 years ago

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Jurassic Park 4: Doki Idol Live Festival!

magic5ball submitted:

Remember how you asked me about my idea for a Jurassic Park sequel? Well, here you go:

The two velociraptors stood outside a pastel colored town house in Hokkaido prefecture, Japan. If any passerbys thought that was weird, they certainly didn’t show it. Probably because the raptors were wearing fedoras and fake mustaches, so they looked like humans. Also they had guns. Very cool, very intimidating mobster guns. A tommy gun and a sawed-off shotgun, respectively.

You needed guns, to survive Shinzo Abe’s little empire of vice and socialized medical care.

“So this is the place, huh?” muttered the velociraptor carrying the sawed-off shotgun. His thick Brooklyn accent hung in the air like concrete. “Kinda… frillier than I was expecting.”

“It better be.” Replied his companion, who sounded like your racist conservative uncle trying to impersonate that one cool guy from ‘The Godfather’ (You know, the one with the mustache who was played by Robert de Niro). “We hadda kill a whole lotta people to get this hellhole.”

Sawed-off shotgun licked his non-existent lizard lips

“But hey. That airplane stewardess tasted mighty fine goin-“

“Oh, for f*ck’s sake, would ya stop thinkin’ with your stomach and help me with this f*ckin’ knob!” cried tommy gun, trying to work the doorknob best he could with his raptor claws, which, in all honesty, wasn’t much, because raptor claws are terrible at operating things meant for human fingers. Little did he know, the door was a ‘pull’, not a ‘push.

At least he didn’t have to wait long before someone unlocked the door from the other side: another velociraptor, this one a bit on the short side. And p!ssed. Very, very p!ssed. You could tell he was the cool one because he wore an eyepatch over one eye. An eyepatch with a Captain Underpants logo on it.

“Didn’t your parent’s ever teach you idiots about using the doorbell?! I was just about to enjoy lunch with my beautiful wife and you-!“

He paused, recognizing the two figures facing him.

“Well, well, well” Said tommy gun, cocking his weapon “If it isn’t SWEET JOHN HAMMOND’S BALLSACK WHAT THE F*CK AM I LOOKING AT?!”

For the cool raptor was dressed in a gothic Lolita maid outfit, complete with a bonnet and penny loafers. Under his arm he carried a human sized pillow depicting what appeared to be a blonde floozy with massive tits.

“Oh this? This is Mami Tomoe, my beautiful wife.”

“WHAT THE F*CK!?!?” Tommy gun pulled out a flask off orange Fanta from his butthole and drank the whole thing in one go. He did NOT have time for this homosexual weeaboo nonsense! Still, he and shotgun hadn’t left a mountain of corpses the exact height and width as Mt. Fuji behind them. Too many to go back to Isla Nublar empty handed. Er, clawed. Because they were dinosaurs. Who have claws.

Shotgun took a deep breath. “What the Boss means to say is, ‘May we take refuge in this fine establishment?’”

Cool raptor opened his mouth to reveal a pistol he’d hidden there. And by hidden I mean replaced his tongue with it.

“You know, for all crap you guys used to give me in the past, I oughta pump you full of lead right here and now. Buuutttt… the lady of the house is present, and I’m not in the mood to create more work on her end. So come on in! You’re just in time for lunch.”

Lest they attract unneeded attention, the three dinosaurs hopped inside.

. . .

Lunch was omurice boba tea with a bottle of teriyaki sauce on the side. It was just boba tea, but the boba had been replaced by omurice because F-Bomb hated the flavor of boba, which he likened to rabbit crap. The teriyaki sauce was teriyaki sauce.

It was the most racist thing shotgun had ever eaten.

“Well, now that you jerks have gotten a taste of my sloppy seconds, I suppose some introductions are in order. You’ve already met my lovely wife” Cool raptor gestured to the body pillow seated next to him “So that leaves you two. Mami, meet A-Hole and D-Bag. A-Hole’s got the tommy gun, D-Bag is ridin’ her sawed off shotgun, as always. They’re old… acquaintances of mine.”

“He.” Corrected D-Bag. “I’ve been using he/him pronouns six months now.”

“Well that’s an improvement. Now instead of bein’ the Boss’ side B!tch literally, you’re just his b!tch figuratively!”

“Well screw you too, F-Bomb!” laughed the boss. “An’ speakin’ of screwing, what’s with the fruity get up? You a prostitute now or something?”

“Even better! This might surprise you, but I’ve got legitimate work now. This here’s my uniform, my uniform for MILF TIDDIES!”

A-Hole chugged his entire bottle of teriyaki sauce in one go, lest his mind implode from the sheer stupidity of that sentence.

“The Hell’s a milf tiddie!?”

“Only the best freakin’ maid café in Hoikaido, hookers!”

He gestured to a wall, covered in hundreds of photos of cute floozies dressed like they were attending a vampire’s funeral. Among them was a photo of F-Bomb in his drag, serving a deep fried hot dog to some elderly Japanese dude.

“As you can see, yours truly is serving Japan’s national desert to none other than 57th Prime Minister of Japan Shinzo Abe!”

“Hold it up. Youse been hobnobbing it with politicians?!”

“I wish! You’re thinking of Shinzo Abe, 57th Prime Minister of Japan. This guy is his twin brother. Still pretty sweet though. We DID win a Grammy for that, after all.”

A-Holes eyes bulged out of his scaly raptor head.

“YOUSE WON A GRAMMY FOR THAT?!”

“Dang right! Milf Tiddies has won sixteen Grammys since I started working there!” He pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket. A very special piece of paper, if the six holes punched into it were any indication. “Did you know that if you win ten Grammys in a row, they give you a free orphan? That’s how the wife and I got our glorious daughter, Lil’ Nagisa!”

F-Bomb pulled a faded photo out of his wallet. A photo showing himself, his pillow wife, and a smaller body pillow of a ten-year-old moeblob wearing a Green Bay Packers cheesehead helmet.

“So youse couldn’t even conceive your own kid?” Inquired D-Bag sexily. He was munching his omurice slowly, so F-Bomb knew he was being serious.

“Are you implying I have sex with my own wife, you sick freak?! I’m a weeaboo, not some degenerate anime fanboy! Get it straight!” He instinctively cocked the pistol in his throat. It was awesome as hell.

In response, D-Bag pumped his shotgun. Loudly.

“Permission to put the sick freak out of his misery, Boss?”

“Firstly, don’t call me Boss when we’re not having anal sex. Second, no can do, my spicy lover. We need F-Bomb alive.”

F-Bomb heard all of this even though A-Hole whispered it, but he pretended not to make A-Hole feel clever.

D-Bag mumbled about how the Boss was lucky he was so mind blowing in the sack, otherwise he would have left the relationship long ago. The sack in this case being a really kinky sex dungeon. Like really kinky. So kinky even Donald Trump wouldn’t go within a mile of it. D-Bag had almost died of autoerotic asphyxiation more times than I’ve gone to the bathroom in my lifetime. That’s why he was the smartest dinosaur out of the three of them. Now where was I again?

Anyway, F-Bomb interrogated

“Alright guys, what’s the deal? I know folks who come to this socialized medical care infested hellhole, and they don’t come here just to eat omurice boba tea. You WANT me for something.”

He cocked his mouth-pistol again. Sparks flew all over the carpet, which was made of alpaca fur so it didn’t catch fire.

A-Hole scandalously kept his cool.

“It’s about Isla Nublar.”

The second those words left A-Hole’s lips, F-Bomb escorted his wife out of the kitchen, but leaned her against the kitchen door, because that’s what she would have wanted.

“Well what about it? I told ya guys, I’m done with that dump.”

“They’re puttin’ the screws on us, F-Bomb. Making us pay for eating those tourists back in the nineties.”

“And what makes you think I care? Like I said, I’m done with that place. I got a wife and kid now.”

“But F-Bomb, doesn’t the Park mean ANYTHING to ya!? What about the time we ate that park ranger that called you a girl? ‘Better than sex’ I recall you saying.”

“Nice try, but I’m not exactly in the mood to get misgendered again. Don’t you guys got any ideas that don’t involve me?”

“As a matter of fact, yours truly had this really spectacular one!”

D-Bag did a hand gesture wherein he constantly crossed his dinosaur claws across his throat rapidly in quick succession. A-Hole, being very smart, knew this meant he should continue, loudly enough so that everyone in the prefecture could hear.

“It was called ‘Trump Ballz’. We’d harvest Donald Trump’s testicles, see, and sell them to the highest bidder, so they could do whatever people do with lopped off testicles. I’m not one to judge. It was a terrific idea. I know because when I told my best friend Donald Trump about it, he said, ‘A-Hole, this is an incredible idea. Absolutely terrific! This is probably the best idea in America! You are very smart, very intelligent dinosaur! I oughta buy you a prostitute!’ Of course, we didn’t realize that Trump’s ballz don’t grow back when you lop them off. Did you know that by the way? Human testicles don’t grow back-“

F-Bomb cocked the pistol inside his throat gain, getting the Boss to shut up. This was probably the most heroic thing anyone had ever done in the history of the universe. He also asked a question:

“SO WHAT THE HECK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ME?!”

A-Hole vomited a severed arm and a pamphlet onto the table.

“EVERYTHING, ya WEEB trash!”

The pamphlet was for something called the Doki Idol Live Fest- DILF, for short. F-Bomb was no stranger to the DILF, but they had parted ways years ago. Six, to be exact, when he had buried Nico Yazawa’s still screaming corpse by the side of the highway. And neither was he stranger to the prize.

It looked like a beer and soda drinking baseball cap, but only to complete idiots who didn’t know crap about the Idol Life.

And F-Bomb wasn’t one of those people, er dinosaurs.

“THE MCGUFFIN OF SIN?!”

“Dam* straight! And like it or not, youse the only one with enough idol know-how to help us win it! Thing’s worth, like, a zillion dollars.”

A zillion in this case was equivalent to half a million. Still, isn’t that impressive?

F-Bomb stuck his nose in his omurice and snorted, a common intimidation tactic among velociraptors. I know because I read it in the Scientific American.

“Sorry, guys, but even with that on the line, no can do. I’m DONE with the Idol Life, any I’m not letting you filthy casuals drag me back in.” He cocked the pistol in his throat. “NOW SCRAM!”

A-Hole and D-Bag jumped out a window, so they could get the jump on a feral dog humping its’ owner. Nobody realized they were dinosaurs because of their fake mustaches, so it looked like a pair of mobsters were eating a puppy.

When they were gone, F-Bomb pranced to the bathroom, which was filled with plush alpacas he had collected over the years. So many, in fact, the bathroom did not meet OSHA compliance. Which was why F-Bomb had made it an independent nation state, only to realize that OSHA didn’t apply to him anyway, since he lived in Japan.

He had felt really stupid after that, but at least he got his own country out of it.

Anyway, he vomited sixteen liters of blood into the sink, for F-Bomb had a secret: he was dying. Back when he was a fetus in an egg in a lab on some island in the Caribean, he’d become addicted to the illegal street drug known as WEEB, and frequent use had poisoned his lungs. The doctors had given him Socialized Medical Care and four more years to live. The WEEB had taken eighty years off his life. Socialized Medical Care had borrowed his lawnmower and never given it back.

But F-Bomb also had a dream: he and his wife were going to build their own maid café, and it would be even better than MILF Tiddies. He’d already picked a title: DILF Tiddies, and it was going to be the greatest food-selling establishment in the history of Japan. Omurice boba tea was going to go global. But he’d never get the funds on time, not on his meager salary. Unless…

His beautiful wife greeted him as he exited the bathroom.

“Get a pen and some razor blades, sweetgums. I’ve got a letter to send.”

. . .

The message arrived in the neck of a mailman’s severed head. This is the traditional way velociraptors send letters to each other. I read it in a book.

D-Bag didn’t see the letter, but the look on A-Hole’s face told him everything.

“What’d I tell ya, D-Bag? Like I always say, when you’re dino you’re dino all the way, till youse dead in the ground or youse come out as gay!”

“Yeah, we really need to update those lyrics.”

End Chapter 1

...I cannot for the life of me decide if this is the greatest thing I've ever seen or the worst, but it at the very least had me staring speechless at my computer screen for a long time.

#submission #jurassic park #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #well then

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magic5ball · 3 years ago