#ask about him and his totally 100% straight husband

[syensy]

Silly new OC! This is Vinny, a silly lil chemist.

[causenessus]

Congrats on 1k!!! Well deserved! May I request fluffiest of fluff of 🏠 with Kenma? Just like him and reader’s everyday life after becoming newlyweds or something

Thank you ☺️

domesticity. | kozume k.

kenma x f! reader

written in 2nd pov

one word prompt from 1k followers event: 🏠 -> domesticity

"let's skip to the wedding, let's stay past the ending, i'm gonna be good to you <3" from let's skip to the wedding by eyedress

word count: 1.1k

notes: fluff!! and written as headcannons i hope that's alright <3 it was just kind of the way my brain immediately took the request. thank you so much for requesting! this was adorable to write i hope u enjoy <3 also, a mention of 10 cent bag rule that some states do lol. just wanted to explain it beforehand so no one is confused, it's just something mandatory some states do where either you bring a resuable bag or pay 10 cents for a plastic bag! also sorry for any weird formatting, tumblr is having a FIT rn

you guys are finally married!! what does your life as newlyweds look like? <3

kenma did NOT get up the day after your wedding. and he didn’t let you get up either. you guys cuddled the entire day and then got up at like 6pm to get takeout for your first meal as husband and wife LMAO

that was basically your honeymoon but if you want to actually go somewhere, that’s totally fine <3 he’ll go with you

but his love definitely comes out most in just plain domesticity

and if you guys started living with each other even before getting married, you’ve definitely gotten a taste of that simple life

domesticity with kenma looks like you guys sharing a lot of chores

if he washes the dishes, you put them away and vice versa

and he actually enjoys doing the dishes (maybe slightly just bc you squeal and can’t help but kiss his cheek every time you see him roll up his sleeves and tie his hair back. just maybe)

on the other hand, LAUNDRY is the bane of your guys’ existence which means folding + movie nights are a STAPLE in your household

you both definitely take turns picking out movies while folding clothes or while you mend his old nekoma sweats

laundry makes him feel like years are being taken off his life though. he loves being on stray sock duty (pulling out your giant bag of stray socks and trying to find matches when the pile gets big enough) or sometimes he just ends up cuddling you instead. usually its with his arms wrapped around your waist, and he loves putting his head in your lap

sometimes it gets hard folding laundry when he does that

but you can’t complain, watching a movie and cuddling? suddenly laundry’s not that bad

and he’s just so comfortable and has this crazy effect of always making you feel sleepy that you guys have fallen asleep countless times on the couch

although this also leads to you guys waking up and the most random movies playing most of the time

like the one time you guys woke up to the shining theme playing and literally thought you were about to die (IK I MENTIONED THIS IN COLD KISSES BEFORE BUT IT IS STILL SUCH A FUNNY MEMORY TO ME)

sometimes you guys throw in a blanket while drying your clothes just so that while you’re both folding laundry you can be under a warm blanket too <3

you definitely binged like all the conjuring movies while folding laundry too

my guy cannot be trusted in the kitchen but he will try his very best if you ask him for help

will for sure keep you company in the kitchen no matter what though

is sometimes on music duty or will just play his switch while you’re cooking and you both enjoy the peaceful moment <3

he can also make tea or coffee for both of you while you're cooking!! he's very good at that <3 and definitely helps grab plates when you're both ready to eat

and sometimes gets out of bed early in the morning so he can bring you a cup of tea while you're still waking <3

especially on cold mornings. will 100% get out of bed for you. you're both cold? you want the heater up? okay <3 he'll get out of bed to turn it up before getting straight back into bed and pulling you close, nuzzling his cold face into your warm neck

he’s very good in grocery stores

at pushing the cart.

and holding your grocery list if you really trust him

please don’t leave him he’ll literally go into panic mode and stand in the middle of the bread aisle until you come back

or he’ll do that thing where he walks past every aisle trying to find which one you’re in and then you guys will see each other from opposite ends

to be honest he’s more of a basket guy anyway

like you walk into the grocery store and he's immediately picking up a basket (bc no way is he letting you hold it)

“kenma we need like a week’s work of groceries they’re not all gonna fit in there”

“yeah it will. i'll make it fit.”

most of the time he can't LMAO or something ends up getting squished but it’s okay

bc you know why he likes baskets?

so he can hold your hand <3

loves loves loves to play with your wedding ring, fiddling with it or just running his thumb over it while holding your hand

at first he hated grocery stores bc there’s so many inconsiderate people and it just make him feel anxious but he started to like it when he came with you

he likes following you around because you always know where you're going and he's just there for the ride

and he likes being there so that whenever you put something in the basket and ask “what’s next on the list?” he can tell you <3 he takes his job as grocery list holder very seriously

also surprisingly good at remembering to bring reusable bags (or will insist on holding everything. he is NOT paying 10¢ for a bag)

he may also sneak a few snacks into the basket/cart (if you forced him to get one) which is always okay <3

dinner looks like him stopping everything to eat with you or inviting you to watch/play with him while you guys eat

because again quality time is such an important and prominent love language in your guys’ life

he loves to just have you there with him and it’s all you need as well <3

but especially by marriage, if you want one-on-one time he will absolutely give you his full attention. why would he pass up on a chance to stare at his wife's pretty face and listen to her talk?

his chat and fanbase are also definitely well acquainted with you and adore you

they’re always melting over your interactions and sometimes when you walk by the camera and they see you they’re all freaking out like “OMG IT’S Y/N!!!!” “CAN WE SAY HI TO Y/N”

he always laughs when he sees his chat, because sometimes he doesn’t even notice you walking around in the background but he always complies. “babe?” he’ll call out

“what’s up?” you ask, coming back into the room

“my chat just wants to say hi,” he answers and you always smile, walking closer to his desk and leaning over his shoulder to say hi

it literally warms his heart to see his wife interacting with his chat <3

and when his followers found out you guys were getting married? #ynxkenmaendgameishappening went viral on twitter

and nearly everytime he refers to you as his wife his chat still blows up

you probably join him for q&as most often, and he once again is usually holding your hand in his lap, fidgeting with the pretty ring on your finger while you talk to the stream

at night he’s definitely a late sleeper, but you’ve scolded him about looking at screens in the dark too many times for him to count

so oftentimes you’re curled up at his side, your face nuzzled into his torso to block out the light while he has a small lamp on and an arm resting you, holding you close

and when he finally goes to bed, he never fails to press a kiss to your head before wrapping his arms around u <3

[mamayan]

Ahem. Hotaru Haganezuka ask here. He is a virgin but he's good w his fingers.

Anything for you!♥️ I need to write more for him, he’s such a cutie. I totally screwed up and forgot the virgin aspect, but he’s 100% a virgin before marriage so… this is just some relationship fluff.

☆彡Break Time★彡

Hotaru Haganezuka x Wife! Reader

TW: Spanking (¿) • Couples Argument • Fingering (F) • Very light edging/overstimulation

It’s been days, and for the first time in his life, Hotaru felt guilty.

He knew his own passion and obsession for work worried his fellow colleagues, especially Kozo, who often would monitor and intervene if he was taking it too far and jeopardizing his health. He’d never expressed his gratitude properly, as he is forced to swallow the bitter medicine of experiencing this stress himself.

There you were, his adorable and sweet new bride, working still. Even now. Hardly eating, not sleeping, and while you’ve bathed that’s the longest you’ve pulled yourself from your work. He wanted to be understanding, because truly he too enjoyed the craft he’s dedicated his life too… but it’s different when it’s you throwing your health away. His hypocrisy lost on him though, as he only focuses on the rising anger at your carelessness for your health. Never mind how he treats himself, that’s not the issue here.

You hadn’t moved in eight hours, not even when he spoke or tried to touch you. Instead, you became enraged when he attempted to intervene or redirect.

Hotaru is not a patient man. If he hadn’t been busy with his own work, you wouldn’t have gotten away with this so long.

Your sass and attitude maxing out his boiling point, though not a difficult thing to do, when you’d snapped at him.

“Hotaru! You’re being a nuisance, please let me focus!” You huffed, your tired eyes and furrowed brows not cute enough to stop his explosion.

“Woman! You’re done! Time for a damn break,” you’re hauled into his arms, before being thrown over his shoulder as he furiously rambles at you.

“What’re you even thinking?! Do you want to die?! When was the last time you ate, huh?! Or slept?!” His mood coupled with being torn from your concentration and lack of sleep, ignites your own fiery rage.

You begin pounding uselessly at his wide back, kicking your feet and making his eye twitch as you shout back.

“Idiot! I’m not tired, put me down! Who’re you to judge?! Ah!” You jolt, crying out and cutting your tirade short when a large palm smacks your ass. He lands another on the other cheek even as he storms towards your home.

“I’m stupid?! If you’re not tired, that’s fine. I’ll help make you tired.” He’s fuming, but it’s not anything new with the hot blooded man.

You go to speak again, but a firm squeeze to your ass has you hushing, your gut instinct telling you not to rile him up further. He enters your home and goes straight for your shared bedroom, gently swinging you back to your feet and pushing you down onto your bed.

He tosses the mask and hair cover, revealing his irritated expression and dark gaze.

“You gonna fix that attitude and sleep or am I gonna have to make you?” His arms crossed over his chest expose his forearms as his haori slides up. The thick veins and muscles have you somewhat simmering down, your work becoming slightly less important as you peak up at your husband.

It feels like you’re losing though, as you pout and contemplate the best route to returning to work.

You could give in, but when has he ever made it easy to tear him from his work? You had to tickle him to disable him long enough for Kozo to drag him home. Even then, you had to threaten him within an inch of his life to make him settle and do basic hygiene and eat. You’d become familiar with his knives and throwing them.

Thinking about what a pain he is when it comes to overworking, you can’t help pushing back.

“This is unfair Taru, I’m nearly done anyway so just let me—,”

“Fucking stubborn.” He mutters under his breath, truly not seeing the irony. He drops to his knees, gripping your shoulders and manhandling you onto his lap, sitting your back to his chest while he snickers at your protests.

“You really don’t want to be good for me?” His gruff tone has you pausing in your fight, swallowing thickly at the implication.

You do want to be good for him, but he’s clearly rubbed off on you because you also don’t feel like listening. Being so sleep deprived, you worried if you did rest you’d lose all sense of creativity and your work would be ruined if you stopped now.

“I-I do, but Taru…oh,” you still as you feel his rough hands smooth over your clothes, before slipping beneath to feel your bare thighs.

“Not oh,” He mocks teasingly, leaning over you to lick the shell of your ear as you softly squeal and try to turn away. “You need to say ‘yes my darling Hotaru, my wonderful husband, always know best’.” He can’t see you rolling your eyes, but he knows you aren’t amused in your cranky state. “Don’t want to listen?” His question is foreboding but you just huff in annoyance, trying to wiggle your hips to make his hands either move where you want them or release you.

He lets his fingers dance over your skin for a moment, enjoying the feeling of you in his arms after so many days apart.

Hotaru lets one finger drag up your bare slit, groaning as he realizes you wore nothing beneath your yukata.

“Did you not miss me?” He whispers in your ear, and the moan you release as he lightly uses your slick to coat your clit is lovely. “Your work truly can’t wait? Even for this?” He presses into you, sinking one thick finger deep inside while you pant and grind down onto his hand. “Taru~ feels good,” you melt into his firm chest, letting him slowly pump his digit in and out of your pussy.

He chuckles, letting you get nice and comfortable before he removes his finger, your whine met with a harsh slap over your clit.

He laughs at your cry, back to rubbing soothing circles again. “Didn’t want you falling asleep, you said you weren’t tired right?” Your arousal spiked but annoyance ignited again, you wrap your arms behind you, around his own neck. He complies to your nonverbal demand by leaning further and kissing you, swallowing your moans as you open for him to invade.

Your mouth is nearly as hot as your pussy, his finger returning with another to sink inside you again.

You’re putty in no time. One arm around your waist to keep you still as you moan and cry for him, begging for him to go faster or harder because he’s just shy of doing enough make you cum.

“What’s wrong doll? Wasn’t I a nuisance earlier, but now you’re making so many demands. At least this mouth is cute and honest.” He’s doing it on purpose, keeping your peak just out of reach as you slowly unfold in his arms. The squelching of your pussy is noisy, especially when he picks up speed and intensity, only to drop back to an agonizingly slow and exploratory pace. He has nail marks in his arms, but he’s uncaring as he dedicates his full attention to making you as wet as possible without letting you have an orgasm.

His eyes track your face, tears finally bubbling over and spilling as you sniff and babble at him, begging for forgiveness and mercy.

“Look at you pretty thing, am I just so deep inside your pussy?” He’s not letting you answer, slotting his lips against your own again as he begins to increase his pace, slipping yet another finger inside you. You’ve been held on the edge so long you can’t hold back anymore, crying into his mouth as you finally cum.

Hotaru breaks the kiss in amazement as you jerk and try to claw out of his hold, whining almost as if in pain until he sees the fluids from your pussy squirting out.

“Taru, please, no, I can’t—” you nearly choke on the words, unable to hardly breathe because he just keeps going. Those rough calloused fingers filling you up and spreading you wide as they fuck you.

Unfortunately for you, he’s not paying attention. Too focused and enamored with how much you came, how hard and intense, and without even meaning to, you’re sent over the edge again. You nearly wail, the force of your muscles contracting as the pleasure explodes behind your eyes is enough to almost render you unconscious.

The way you shake and writhe in his arms finally breaks his focus as he looks down at you, so fucked out from his fingers alone you can’t keep your eyes open.

A part of him wants to make you do that again, but another acknowledges his wife needs rest like he originally intended to force.

Orgasms were good for sleep though, right? He always found his mood improving after he’s came, and clearly it worked well for you. Your soft nearly boneless figure in his arms proof.

“Sleepy?” He’s soft, kissing your forehead and cheeks, rubbing his nose against yours as you yawn and nod. “Mhm…” he doesn’t tease you further, laying you down properly on the bed, and getting up for a damp wash rag to clean up, and even making sure you drink some water. He was a bit worried of dehydration since you’d cum so hard.

He could go back to work, there’s another project he needs to start soon…

Your warm and sleepy figure in bed stops him though. He can’t resist stripping and climbing in with you, pulling you close and breathing you in.

While he’s not going to stop work for something measly like sleep or food, he’d never say no to this. Holding you. Sleeping beside you. Waking up with you.

[criminalamnesia]

A Long Time Coming

summary: You go on patrol with Joel, unknowingly sealing your fate.

warnings: you could picture either game!joel or show!joel in this, angst, mentions of torture and blood, no use of y/n, f!reader, reader is Joel’s wife, not proofread, spoilers for The Last of Us Part 2!

author’s note: angst angst angst. sorry but also not really. anyways I totally think that if the roles were reversed and ellie had died instead of joel, joel would have 100% done the same thing.

Abby Anderson had spent years thinking about this moment.

Dreaming about it. Anticipating it.

Planning out what she would say, what she would do, when she finally faced the man who had killed her father.

She had never foreseen it happening like this– by a chance. Her stubbornness and foolishness almost leading to sure death if not for fate’s interference– the infected about to sink its teeth into her neck stabbed in the head by an older man.

A woman appearing from behind him, gun raised and eyebrows furrowed as she provided cover fire.

“Y’alright?” The man’s voice had a subtle southern accent, his hands gently holding onto Abby’s biceps as he steadied her.

Her eyes were wide, breath coming in quick pants as she surveyed the man and the woman. She gave a quick nod, and the man nodded in return.

“Babe, we gotta go!” The woman was shouting, firing another round into the head of a runner. The man was still focused on Abby.

“We gotta run–”

“I know somewhere,” Abby was speaking, thinking of the lodge her and her group had holed up in as they surveyed Jackson.

The man nodded again, “Lead the way.”

It was almost laughable at how things had happened.

The man, revealed as Joel once in the safety of the lodge, served right to her on a silver platter. Right after he saved her life.

And she had planned to end his.

But as she walked alongside Joel and the woman, she quickly came to realize they were married– at least, judging by the silver ring on the woman’s left ring finger.

And her mind slowly started to change.

She had wanted to torture Joel– give him a cruel and suffering-filled ending. But now, with his wife, she could do to him what he did to her when she was a child.

She could make it so much worse than what he did to her. Make it painful, make him watch– helpless, unable to do anything as she tortured the woman he loved.

She had settled on that when they made their way into the lodge, her friends perking up as they moved inside.

“Abby? Where were you?” Owen was asking, standing from his sleeping bag with concern etched onto his face.

“I went on a walk,” she said, pulling her snow-covered beanie from her head.

“Who’s this?” Nora spoke, arms crossed over her chest.

“I’m Joel,” the man said. He held back a hand to guide forward the woman, who gave a small smile as she wiped stray snow from her braided hair.

Joel’s hand fell to the small of her back as she gave her name, followed by: “I’m Joel’s wife.”

The group fell silent as they looked at one another. Abby moved to stand next to Manny, Joel and his wife now positioned away from the rest of the group.

“Y’all act like you’ve heard of us,” Joel gave an uneasy chuckle as his wife took a step back, her hand moving to tug at his coat.

“Joel,” she whispered, eyes wide as she glanced at Abby and back to her husband. “I think it’s time we get back. Tommy’s gonna be worried.”

Abby could’ve laughed. If they didn’t already suspect this was the Joel they were looking for, his wife had just sealed the couple’s fate with one word. Tommy.

“Oh,” Mel spoke, glancing sideways at Owen as the group shuffled tensely. Manny stepped back towards his sleeping bag, bending at the knees and grabbing something.

“We have.”

It happened in a flash.

Joel’s wife forcibly tugged him backwards. Manny took two long strides forward, and the shotgun he now had in his grasp fired, aimed straight at Joel’s leg.

The older man yelled in pain, crumpling forward to the ground as the bullets tore through his lower thigh and knee. His wife was screaming— reaching for the pistol tucked in her belt— but she was too slow. Nora and Nick surged forward, grabbing her by her arms and forcing her forwards.

“You stupid, old man,” Abby gave a shake of her head, a disbelieving huff escaping her lips.

Joel tried to struggle to his feet, but his injuries made his attempt futile. Before he could even think to reach for his gun, Owen and Manny were on him— tossing the weapon across the room and wrenching him to his feet.

The man groaned in agony as they dragged him further into the room, finally dropping him into a heap in front of where Nora and Nick were still holding his wife.

“Fuck you!” She screamed, thrashing in their holds. The rest of the group circled them now, eyes on Abby, as she picked up the golf club leaning against the nearby wall.

“You can’t stop this,” she said, her knuckles white as she gripped the club. “This has been a long, long time coming.”

“We don’t even know you!” The wife shouted, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

“You don’t,” Abby used the club to gesture at her. Then, she turned, pointing the golf club towards Joel. “But he does.”

He was on the ground, hands behind his back as Owen tied them together.

“I have no clue,” he said, taking a heavy breath. “Who you are. I’ve crossed a lotta people. You’re not the first.”

“My father,” Abby snapped as Joel looked up at her. “You killed him. Shot him in the fucking head. Starting to remember yet?” She gave a humorless laugh, taking a step towards him.

“Leave him alone!” His wife screamed. Abby ignored her.

“The firefly hospital in Salt Lake. The surgeon. Ring any fucking bells?” She seethed, raising the golf club.

Owen moved back, and Abby swung the club down as hard as she could— right into Joel’s face.

—

You screamed as Abby brought the club down on Joel. You could feel your strength slipping as you struggled against the two holding you back.

“Stop!” You screamed, your tears threatening to fall. You wouldn’t let them— you didn’t want these people to have that satisfaction. “Let him go! Leave him alone!”

“Shut the fuck up!” The man holding you yelled, wrenching your arm back painfully. You screamed in pain as he pulled your shoulder from its socket.

Joel’s head was bleeding now as he laid on the floor. The dark red blood trickled down to his cheek. It matted his greying hair. It made you sick to your stomach.

Your eyes were trained on his face as his eyes closed– before slowly opening again, now hooded. She had struck him hard— you were almost surprised he was still awake.

Almost.

Joel was a stubborn bastard, after all, and you knew that better than most.

It was his stubbornness and reluctance to trust you that had almost led to his leaving you on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

But thanks to Ellie’s unending prodding (and his heart, which he still seemed to have after all these years) he had allowed you to come with them.

He was supposed to drop you off somewhere along the way– at least, he told himself he was supposed to– but you had a way of worming your way into people’s hearts.

Plus, Ellie adored you, and she would’ve killed him if he had sent you packing.

You had joined him and Ellie on their journey across the country. You had watched him almost die at that science facility– almost died yourself after being taken by the crazy cannibal David and his crew— and along the way, the three of you had turned into some mismatched, weird little family.

You hadn’t been with them in the hospital in Salt Lake City. You had broken off from them to see if you could find any traces of your family, who had lived in the area before Outbreak Day. You hadn’t seen what had happened. Hadn’t been forced to make the decision Joel did (you would’ve made the same one).

You only knew that when you saw Joel pull up in that rusty old pickup truck, with a sleeping Ellie in a hospital gown in the back seat, that whatever had happened was what needed to happen.

And now, the past was here– all caught up to you.

Abby stepped back from Joel, the club still clutched tightly in her hands.

“You know, when I thought of this moment, I didn’t envision it like this,” she spoke, her eyes still on Joel. “But this is better than I could’ve hoped for.”

She turned to face you then, and your eyes narrowed.

“Fuck you,” you spat, rage replacing the fear in your body. At least she wasn’t focused on Joel anymore.

“I was going to torture him,” she told you, jerking her chin to gesture to Joel, still laying on the floor a few feet behind her. “Beat him until he stopped breathing. But, you’ve given me the perfect opportunity for revenge.”

“Go to hell,” you seethed, and Abby raised the club again.

The man and woman released you to take a step back, but before you could even start to run, Abby brought the club down right into your knee. A sickening crunch could be heard as you crumpled to the ground, screaming in pain.

“Still feeling feisty?” Abby said, crouching down to meet your gaze.

You spit in her face, and she wiped it from her cheek with the sleeve of her shirt. She stood once more, raised the club again, and brought it down on your side.

You could feel your ribs cracking at the force of the swing. You groaned, a weak cough sputtering past you lips and splattering blood on the floor in front of you.

A ringing in your ears started up then, caused by the pain. You moaned in pain, your eyes searching for Joel across the room.

They had forced him to sit back up, and his eyes were wide open now. He was saying something– but you couldn’t hear anything. Your eyes met his and you finally felt a tear fall down your cheek.

The club came down again. Your head was bleeding now, the ringing even louder.

Again. The bone in your leg was surely broken.

Again. More ribs, cracking and breaking. More blood coughed up, painting the floor and your lips a dark red.

Another hit to the head. Stars dotted your vision, and the ringing in your ears was getting unbearable. You felt your eyes slip closed, and suddenly you were in the house you shared with Joel back in Jackson.

It was right after you and Joel had officially started dating. He had brought Ellie over to your house for the weekly dinner the three of you had made a habit of in the few weeks you’d been living in Jackson.

The two of you were sitting on the couch in the living room. Ellie was perched on one of the armchairs with Joel’s guitar in her lap. Joel was talking periodically, guiding her through a song, one you remembered loving before the Outbreak.

You broke out into a grin as Ellie played, the words slowly coming back to you. You began to sing, and Ellie grinned as she risked looking up from the guitar to meet your gaze. You gave her a reassuring smile as you continued to sing, both of you soldiering on even when she played the wrong chord or when you stumbled through the words.

Joel was grinning beside you, his eyes watching you intently as you sang. It was the first time he’d ever heard you sing, and he was entranced.

When Ellie played the last chord and your voice quieted, he whistled, earning a laugh from you and Ellie.

“You’ve got a beautiful voice,” he told you, and you had waved him off. Ellie backed him up, and without much more resistance you accepted their compliments.

“We could start a band!” Ellie said, and you and Joel had laughed.

“That’s a great idea, Els. You on guitar, me and Joel on vocals,” you said, winking at him. He shook his head with a laugh.

The memory faded as you were brought back to reality by someone roughly shoving you into a sitting position. You could barely see through your swollen eyelids– but you were sure you could make out the tan jacket of your husband close by.

“J-Joel,” you mumbled, the words feeling thick in the fuzziness of your mouth. Blood and drool seeped from between your lips. You were faintly aware of the gaps of now missing teeth in your mouth.

“Baby,” you heard his voice— strained and in pain— from across the room. “You gotta get up. Please, baby, get up. Please,” he begged, but then you were being hit again and the stars were back as another memory resurfaced.

It was the day before your wedding. Freshly fallen snow painted the world a bright white, and you were doubled over in laughter as you watched Ellie pelt Joel in the face with a snowball.

“Think that’s funny, huh?” He had asked you, a wide smile of his face. You had nodded.

“Oh, I think it’s hilarious,” you told him, and in an instant he was scooping up snow to make his own snowball as you shrieked and ran for cover.

“Ellie, let’s get Joel!” You called to her as she scrambled to make another snowball nearby. The teen had whooped in agreement as Joel let his snowball fly, narrowly missing your head as you ducked behind a snow-covered bush.

“Now that ain’t fair!” Joe shouted through a laugh as you shot out from behind the bush and threw your snowball.

“What’re you gonna do about it, old man?” Ellie called to him as she ran past him.

The three of you laughed and threw snowballs until your fingers were numb, and after Joel’s surrender, the three of you convened in the middle of the yard.

“Alright, let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here,” you chattered, moving to follow Ellie into the house. Joel fell into step alongside you.

“Have fun?” He asked you quietly.

“The most,” you replied.

“Guys, watch out on the steps, it’s a little slippery. Don’t need you two breaking any hips,” Ellie told you as she made it onto the porch before stepping into the house.

“Here, I’ll go up first, then pick you up,” Joel told you, moving onto the first step. You rolled your eyes but nodded, a grin breaking out onto your face at his chivalry.

He made it to the third step when he slipped, falling backwards and arms flailing in an attempt to catch himself— which led to his elbow hitting you right in the eye.

The two of you fell back into the snow, Joel on top of you. He quickly rolled off, worry on his face as he assessed you. “You okay?”

“I think I just died for a second,” you said, and he rolled his eyes and huffed a laugh before helping you up.

And that was how you ended up sporting a black eye at your wedding.

You were sure you were sporting two black eyes now.

“Please,” the word was a broken sob, filtering in and out of your ears.

“Please get up.” He was begging you, but you couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Please, just stop. It’s me you want, not her. Please—” he was pleading, but it didn’t matter.

You could barely register the sound of a broken scream— your scream. It was one last exclamation of your pain.

As your world faded to black, the only thing you could think of was what Joel had said to you that night, years ago.

“You have a beautiful voice.”

—

By the time that someone found him, Abby and her group were long gone and he was hanging by a thread.

After they had killed you, they had beaten him within an inch of his life. He almost wished they had just killed him.

“Joel?” Dina’s voice was soft, concerned as she crouched down beside him. “Joel, can you hear me?”

A bang echoed upstairs, followed by the pounding of footsteps overhead.

Dina stood, momentarily disappearing from Joel’s sight.

“Ellie, down here!” He heard her call, and then he could see her again as she moved across the room, crouching down once more in front of the bloody, broken mess of your body.

“Joel? Fuck– Joel, are you–” Ellie was in his face now, her eyebrows furrowed in concern and panic obvious in her tone as she surveyed his injuries.

“We gotta— we gotta go. We gotta get him to Jackson, we— Dina, we gotta—” she was stumbling through her words, her mind moving a thousand miles a minute as she tried to fight through her panic.

“Ellie,” Dina’s voice was quiet and Ellie turned away from him. He couldn’t see her face anymore, but he could tell the exact moment she saw your lifeless body.

Then Joel’s world went dark.

—

A proper burial was held for you back in Jackson, a few days after everything had happened. It gave Joel time to rest and recover enough to be able to attend.

Ellie hadn’t left his side since they brought him back. She hadn’t said much, either— consumed by her grief and anger. You had become a mother figure to her, just as Joel was her father figure.

She was hurting, and Joel was, too, but the two of them had never been that good at talking about their feelings. So, they sat in silence, grieving together but separate.

The townspeople had decorated the front of the house with an abundance of bright flowers and cards. Wherever Ellie went, someone offered their condolences.

She didn’t want condolences. She wanted revenge. She wanted to hunt down and slaughter every single person who had been in the room that night— who had done that to you. To him.

She told Joel she was going, and of course he hadn’t wanted her to leave. He didn’t want what happened to you to happen to her. But, he also knew that if he was able, he’d be halfway to Seattle by now.

So he let her go.

And he told her to kill every last one of them.

[isa-ghost]

More Avian Phil Headcanons

For @oopsiewhoopsiez :D

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Previous Avian Phil headcanons

One of his other running bits is having beef with plain glass. He can literally see it just fine. He pretends he doesn't. Lullah will without fail fall to pieces emote when he gets on the bit.

Another running bit is that he has to resist the Urge to eat seeds when he's farming. He'll stand there dramatically trembling his hand with a bunch of seeds in it like hhough,, s e e d,, until the kids hit him like PAPA PLS.

GRAINS on the other hand he's like FUCK YEAH CONCRETE. He'll eat the shit out of some bread. Why do you think he likes avocado toast so much?

He whistles a lot, usually when he isn't thinking about it. Doesn’t realize he does it, much like the boosh boosh

I've mentioned it elsewhere but AAAA the gay ass intimacy of letting your husband help you preen!!!!

Believe it or not, his first instinct is Flight. It's more likely he's snuck up on or not expecting what's coming at him, so fighting is unwise because he doesn't know his odds and that's just straight up not survivalist to do. The best thing to do is flee first, THEN assess what was after him. The same way that birds often yeet the fuck away when something gets too close to them.

He knows a stupid amount of what to and what not to feed literal birds bc he knows what does and doesn't bother his own stomach. He has less intolerances than an actual bird, but he has a sensitive digestive system nonetheless. This does not stop him from pounding down Mexican food like a total whore, shit's too good.

He knows TONS of things about aerodynamics purely based off his experience with flying. He has a very easy time estimating how well something will fly

Btw he has excellent agility from all his flying. He's better in the air, but it can apply to the ground too.

He loves flying with other people :D If his wings had healed at the time, he would've 100% flown with Jaiden at some point :(

One of the main reasons he wants his wings healed is to take all his friends flying tbh. Which is what fucked him up most about Ender King destroying his wings before leaving his body :(

Tubbo loves asking him cursed questions related to bird things. Google "bird ass blasting" (I promise it's not smth bad, it's a real thing). Tubbo has asked Phil about this. Phil short circuited.

Oh you KNOW he thrives on making cannibal jokes when he eats chicken.

Another cursed thing Tubbo has said to him: "Chickens are like living dinosaurs which means they're old and chickens are birds and also you're a bird and you're old so therefore you're a living dinosaur."

Multiple islanders have made the joke that Phil has a secret wife who laid Chayanne and Lullah bc they're eggs and he's a bird. It has made him die inside every time.

[i9messi]

hi :) can u do dating messi headcanons? thank u!

Dating Young Messi

[headcanons]

I feel like at the beginning, Messi would be a little shy to talk to you. He wouldn’t know how to ask you out or what to tell you

So surely you had to take the first step

After so many conversations in which none took the first step, you asked him if he wanted to go out with you on a date

Leo clearly accepted, because there was no way he would had the courage to invite you first

The first date was lovely, he even took special attention to all your favorite things, like the food and the place

He spoke proudly of his family, his football team and his country. Hearing Lionel speak was comfortable and refreshing

He offered to take you home, and of course, being the gentleman he was, he tend to ask you a lot of questions before doing something

"Can I kiss you?"

When both kissed, it was as if everything was clear

Messi did not hesitate to invite you to see him in the next match

Lionel was very nervous and wanted to give his best, so when he saw you among all the people, he filled himself with courage and dedicated his first goal to you

The rest was history

"I think I’m falling in love with you." "You’re in love with me?" "Oh, how could I not be? I can only think of you, I’ve even told my mom about you and even she wants to meet you."

In every game you were there to support him and scream his name, knowing that he was one of the best players of the world and he always will be the best for you

You loved him with all your heart, he was a boyfriend who despite his football career and his busy calendar, always left his agenda open for you

Your dates could range from watching the sunrise from the balcony, to going on a yacht and swimming in the water

The only thing that made you feel bad were those days when Leo had to because of his job and you had to be apart. You both had a hard time staying apart.

"Can I have one more hug before I go?" "Babe, you don’t have to ask, come here..."

When he came back he reminded you how much he loved you, and that you were all he needed

On his return he brought you flowers and some gift that he said reminded him of you

"You're so pretty, I don't deserve you."

Leo bought a camera to take pictures of you, so he could have them when he had to travel

You going with him to events and helping him to put on the tie because he didn't know. Lionel used your moment of concentration to steal kisses

Now that you were a couple, he was no longer as shy as before

Your love language was totally physical and affective

Like sleepy back hugs when the other is busy whipping up breakfast in the kitchen, catching them by surprise

Interlacing your fingers with the other’s when they least expect it

You supported him blindly with his career, being his shoulder to cry when things didn't go as he wanted them

Lionel was 100% honest with you, besides being his girlfriend, you were also the person he trusted and believed the most

He didn't doubt that you were the only one and that he wanted to marry you someday

After a difficult match he would go straight to you, not wanting to do anything but be with you and listen to your voice, he said that your voice bring calm to him

"I just want to relax in your arms."

After dating for a while, there had come a point in your relationship where Lionel wanted to take the next step. He couldn’t wait longer to call you his wife

That man was so in love with you that he couldn’t think of anything else

You wearing his ring? God, he could blush just thinking about it

One day you went to the beach, it was a date that your boyfriend had prepared for a long time and you didn't know. He slowly started to write 'will you marry me' on the sand and when you finally figure out what he was doing you were already emotional

"You’re the only person I want to spend my life with."

You said yes, of course

You loved him so much and he was the man you wanted to spend the rest of your life

Messi being a great husband, someone who made you feel proud and valuable

The man was perfect and his intention was to bring you happiness

[ashen-char]

i feel like max would totally freak out during her first gay awakening like... she's always been in heterosexual relationships (+with guys who didn't treat her well btw) so she would totally panic bcs?? she's always thought of herself as straight and suddenly she starts feeling something for a girl?

she would totally blush at a compliment or just simply bcs of the proximity of her girl crush around, although i think she wouldn't be straightforward and confess her feelings bcs well... it's max.

she would either ignore those feelings and try to move on (while ignoring the girl and hurting her by distancing herself) or she'd talk to frankie or sam about it (and they would support her 100%!!)

i feel like frankie and duke would tease her about it, tho. sam would totally be surprised at max's confession but would have a serious talk about it, saying how she's proud of her and would support her no matter if she was gay or not. i think that rich would also play an important role in here since he's always been like a "dad" to sam's kids (and don't forget how important his character was in the last season!!🤠) but also bcs he's gay himself and he would give max some advice, tell her his journey with his own sexual orientation and feel proud of her. i feel like her real dad would have some "but's" if he ever found out about it (idk he just looks like a total homophobe to me lol + considering how bad of a dad/ex husband he is since he always fucks something up). max would be hesitant about telling him about it, tho. knowing how he always lets everyone down i wouldn't even be surprised if she wouldnt tell him.

um, what else... i think max would totally be into rainbow stuff. yk, rainbow hats, rainbow umbrellas, bracelets, socks(😭) anything that reminds her of gay pride. i feel like she would be bisexual/lesbian (i'm a lesbian myself so obv max being a lesbian would be so 🥰🥰) but yeah she would totally have a lot of things in her room that have colors of her flag AND obv she would put a big ass pride flag above her bed. idk the thought of it just makes me happy 😭🤞🏻💞

thank u for listening to my ted talk . i'd love to see more similar stuff to this written by you on ur page and i hope you're doing ok <3 ^__^ i love ur works!!

long ask/response so read more below

oh god, max would be so confused at first. after a few times hanging out, max would catch herself flirting and realise that she's not even joking. that she wants to be around you way more than normal, in a way that's different than being comfortable with her other friends. because being around you doesn't make her comfortable! she feels really awkward and her heartbeat gets all funny and she worries about screwing up her words when she doesn't usually give a fuck about what others think. max finds herself worrying about what you're up to, if you laugh at her jokes, if you'll think what she's wearing is pretty. if you think she's pretty.

honestly, she doesn't even care about the guys she dates as much. there's so many times where max basically uses them as a prop, makes out with them because they're there and talks about them like they're not there. so it's even more confusing to name these feelings because it's completely not like her. and yeah, that feeling of being unsure would make her push you away. but feeling empty without you being near her would slowly eat at max's resolve, and she'd go to the people in her life who always help her figure stuff out.

when max talks about it to sam, sam helps in that half-cringe but very thoughtful way she always does. she'd tell max about a woman who tried pursuing her, mer (in season 3, i think? when max was in chicago for college iirc). frankie would probably walk in during this conversation, and max would be annoyed at both of them—sam for being gross and telling her about someone pursuing her (ew, no one wants to hear about that from their mom) and frankie for being so nosy—but max would eventually settle down and listen.

sam would tell max that whatever she's feeling is great, that the only thing that max might regret is not exploring these feelings and figuring herself out a little more. frankie would say something about how it's fine to not know what you are and just see how it fits and how you feel, relating it to how non-linear their discovery of their gender identity was. frankie would help her realise that everyone's story isn't the same, as frankie tells her these stories about their other LGBT friends. some people feel like they've always known and some people go so long but then have a sudden realisation, like max, but that's all valid and normal. but yes duke and frankie would totally make fun of max for freaking out and acting like this over a crush at her big age.

especially with rich and the other trusted adults in max's life (like phil who would be so happy for max too, and ask all about you), max doesn't need to tell xander about it! his absence in their lives means that he doesn't get to know the real them until he shows an interest in knowing them. if he doesn't act like a dad then he doesn't get to be one, yknow?

when sudden awakenings happen and you reflect on your past, it's funny to see what you've missed. max would look back and think 'shit, i totally had a crush on shego' or something as she looks back at her cartoon crushes. even super close friendships she had growing up, max will realise 'hey maybe it wasn't het of me that i wanted to impress her that bad' or 'wow, i was really jealous when she got a boyfriend'.

ultimately when max accepts that her identity is actually an exciting thing that she gets to discover about herself, she would adore pride. i think learning about the history, the many struggles it took to get this far, and the support of the community is bolstering for any baby gay. but especially with how sam talks to them about feminism and to be proud to be women, it'd be something max thrives in. figuring out whether she identifies as bi or pan or even a lesbian is something that she knows will come in time - for now, she'll be overwhelmed with the love and support she has from the people around her, and a new community with people just like her. (i think max would find the lesbian flag super pretty)

*insert max doing an 'am i gay quiz' nick from heartstopper-style*

thank you for the ask! i love these ted talks!! people loving these characters gives me so much motivation to write em, seriously.

[fuj0wuj0]

Hiiiiii!!!!! Disaster Husbands facts?? Ramdog facts?? Random Oc fact?? 👉👂👈 I am. Perceiving Auditorily :) No pressure btw!!! Regardless I really hope you are feeling better and your sickness is letting you get some rest :D

OMG HI GALE HIIII!!!! 💕💕 Thanks for the concern!! The sickness has been. horrible. but I can BREATHE right now so maybe this week's the last?!?!?! I hope so...

Every time you ask me an OC related question an angel gets its wings btw thank you for letting me talk. this is enrichment to me

Reply under the cut as to not clutter the dash of those who care not 😌😌

Okay, so let's start with ramdog <33 My OGs

We all know that Sherman has like. Separation anxiety right. 😭😭 It was not intended to be canon at first, but after the iconic Piano Piece, I just figured it'd be really funny... Not for him, though... At least he gets some good work done when he's broody, right…? Haha...

Their families love their respective partners so much... Sherman's mom and sister pretty much immediately adopted Obi because he matches their energy 100%. Obi's parents almost passed out from happiness when they met Sherman because HOLY SHIT THEIR SHITASS SON BROUGHT HOME A DECENT GUY. Ms. Katsura loves having him over for dinner. Real pleasant guy 🥰He gets so many jars of pickled food when he visits with Obi that they can barely carry them to the car. They also both hang out with Hana (Obi's sis) pretty regularly! :D

They have beef with their elderly neighbor. Not because she's homophobic, but because they're legit unpleasant neighbors (Obi smokes in the shared corridor + Sherman plays the piano very early in the morning) 😭

They get married post-canon (quite a while after all the gang shit is resolved) :DD [I'm sorry I know all my OCs are getting gay married all the time, no one's surprised. I have a bias 🙏🙏]

As I've stated some time before, Sherman doesn't usually let others see his ears. Yes, Obi has seen them multiple times. Yes, he teases him about it a lot. (all in good fun, though - and Sherman usually gets back at him immediately. Like ok dog, tough words from someone within Tail Grabbing distance)

Since Sherman is usually home more, he kind of assigned himself housekeeper (fair enough, Obi's a slob). They don't need to cook super often though, Katsura keeps giving them tupperware full of food so they usually live off of that for 5 days a week HAH

Sherman hates smoking, but he often has cigarette breath. Go figure 😏

At the beginning of their relationship (familiar, not romantic) Obi almost never uses Sherman's name. He just calls him Mozart, Chopin or Wolfgang 😭 It pisses Sherman off, so Obi just switches to Sher when he's trying to be less of a little shit. The actual name is reserved for y'know. Emotional vulnerability and all that. (Later on, 'Mozart' stops being an irritating nickname. It kinda grew on him...)

RAAARGH many thoughts about them but I'm not hitting the post limit 2nite. Okay Disaster Husbands go!!

Funny story, both Ulysses and Kallen were totally different in their first "drafts"!

OG Kallen was much more... Open? And a little sassy? Like, still very much straight-faced, but he didn't have that professional air 24/7. I'd even say he was pretty open with his emotions. Emotional outbursts weren't above him, dude really knew how to argue in a heated moment. I like to think that this is how Kallen would be if Orso didn't make him into a living weapon 😭 The current Kallen is also freakier (😏)

And OG Ulysses...Oh my god. God, ew. When I say "CEO in a wattpad fanfic", this is what I mean. Dude was insufferable. Aggressive, broody fellow with unresolved anger issues who thinks he can do and have and say whatever he wants. An now he's a tiger? Hell no. Match made in hell. Incompetent Dork Ulysses >>>> Angry Baddie Ulysses, any day.

Ok onto actual little trivias--

Ulysses loves buying his loved ones gifts. Kallen doesn't know how to accept a gift gracefully (didn't like getting stuff from Orso, neither).

Catpeople don't control when they purr. And Ulysses purrs LOUD. (imagine trying to be subtle and act like you're not bothered by that Pretty Guy On Your Couch but you sound like an industrial drill. yeah.)

Their glasses clank together when they kiss sometimes <3 #goals

I don't see them going out on dates much, BUT I think Ulysses would order some good tiramisu and they could cuddle on the couch maybe.....

Kallen kept his identity hidden from the press/tabloids for a while out of habit (not that good for a sniper to be out with their face plastered on celebrity gossip, afterall), but when the dust settled they eventually made their wedding public. Ulysses would probably stay a little anxious about it, always making sure that Kallen's okay with being out in public / on camera 100 times.

I think they could have another kid in the future..? I have this faint idea of them having a daughter by the name of Roma, but that feels a little on the nose with the...italian-greek parent combo 😐 We'll see, though! They're content with just Juno rn 😌

and as some extras, not related to the couples:

Kallen's afraid of making a kid feel like he did with Orso (unsure whether they're loved or not). I can totally see him being a little overprotective/overbearing.

Aaahhh, that was a lot...Honestly as I was writing this I realized that disaster husbands are kind of hard to write about in trivia form?? Maybe because they're _relatively_ new...

Still, it was fun to write it all out!! Thanks for the question as always, Gale <33

[ninjakk]

Hey on the same note of asking your opinion about fanon things:

How do you feel about the very common thrope in modern au fics of wwx being some sort of vixen? I’ve seen it a lot, where he supposedly knows 100% he’s not straight so he goes around seducing men, sometimes for lols and sometimes for casual sex and then finds lwj and stops

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the ask ☺️

Hmm... well again, it's just so far from what WWX's character really is in canon, it's just odd to read!

I know exactly what you mean as well, as I have been unfortunate enough to come across modern au fanfic with a similar theme. The minute I see anything like that, I don't bother reading it any further. Everyone is entitled to have their own opinion of course, but when a character is so different from the original, I honestly don't see the point in using their name, as in essences it's just a totally different character.

I think when these people write WWX in such a way, they completely forget that he is a total romantic at heart. He's so sweet and wouldn't settle for anything other than a meaningful relationship. In fact, he's literally been holding out for his 'one', his soulmate, all these years. WWX is handsome and charming, there is no way he wasn't propositioned numerous times throughout his first life. Even if for some strange reason he was never directly approached by anyone, he never pursued anyone either - except LWJ on a subconscious level of course ❤️

Legends often gossiped about the YiLing Patriarch’s allegedly amorous life, but in reality, he’d never experienced such hectic feelings before.

Chapter 90 ExR

WWX even confirms he's never been interested in anyone or had such feelings before. Of course, this isn't entirely true and WWX later admits in hindsight, he's had feelings for LWJ all along.

This is the man who guarded his first kiss for 20 years, who carved sweet kissing heads on his wooden headboard above his bed and almost swooned at the romantic story of the Lan sect founder! Does that sound like a man who would have sex with just anyone?!

I think people tend to argue that it's not feasible for someone to be so sweet and save themselves for someone special in a modern au. But that's simply not true and a rather shallow way of thinking. Of course there are people who wait for someone special!

It's in WWX's character to guard his heart, because he actually values himself and what he has to offer a partner. Because he won't settle for anything other than someone sweeping him off his feet and being totally devoted to him, as he would them. Because deep down in his heart, he won't settle for anyone but LWJ.

Even if this is a hypothetical modern au, where WWX hadn't met LWJ yet, he would still be waiting for that special person nevertheless. It's in his character! So a version where WWX seduces people and sleeps around just because it's amusing to him is just the complete opposite to canon WWX. Yes, he absolutely loves having kinky sex marathons with his adoring husband at the end of the novel and in the extras. But this is with his soulmate, the person he's been waiting for his whole life.

Again, I'll let WWX say it for himself:

"...I really just like you so much I want to sleep with you. I don’t want anyone but you—it can’t be anyone but you..."

Chapter 100 ExR

He's only ever wanted to sleep with LWJ. It can't be anyone but him. WWX finally realises LWJ is the one he's been saving himself for, the person he wants to be devoted to, body and soul. LWJ is his soulmate. How much clearer can it be for people to understand WWX wouldn't just sleep around, when the character literally states as such himself.

Even MXTX has mentioned how hard it was to match WWX up with someone during the writing process. Because WWX simply refused to settle for anyone other than the first romantic interest she had written, which was none other than our beloved LWJ himself!

Just let WWX be sweet and romantic, yet kinky and seductive with his one and only LWJ- as it should be 💕

[parragone]

Anyway this is just a quick A/B/O overview of a few things that I'm definitely not writing, why do you ask

Only covers foundational ops up to outbreak, because... I'm at work and don't have the time to cover everyone

Covers subgender, scent, suppressants/regularity, and cycle behavior. Also, it establishes some baseline rules for the verse, but shush this is a reference for my own plot-with-porn nonsense

While suppressants are 100% required in the military, a yearly cycle is required to maintain health. Sex makes a cycle pass faster and easier, but nit having sex won't kill you ( it will mean you're MISERABLE for a few days ). Suppressants keep the body in check, but the scent of someone can only be diminished by, well, deodorants.

Omegas are generally not military, but they can be if they qualify. Betas and alphas make up the majority of the military. Male omegas can't get pregnant and female alphas can't GET someone pregnant. That's it that's the baseline because I can't spend a million years writing genetic rules for what's supposed to be a porn premise-

--

SAS

Thatcher: Alpha, stays on suppressants and only goes off them once a year for necessity; sea salt and gunpowder. He's generally a petty bastard during rut, but surprisingly, not territorial - just bitchy.

Sledge: Alpha, has a naturally annual cycle; fresh cut oak wood. Straight up a big teddy bear with a low drive during rut; prefers to be affectionate with a partner rather than fuck.

Smoke: Alpha, needs suppressants or he'll have a cycle once a month; sandalwood and blueberries. Absolute horn dog, much to his own dismay, and easily has one of the highest drives on the team.

Mute: Omega, has not had a cycle since he was 17 because he's been lying about taking heat leave; that oddly specific smell right after a lightning strike. Immediately goes to sleep once his cycle starts, spends most of his cycle asleep under multiple blankets, has 0 drive, and really hates it because he's a workaholic.

GIGN

Doc: Omega, yearly cycle thanks to suppressants; smells EXACTLY like a burned out wood stove. Is shockingly unbothered by his cycle, although that may be because he's got a collection of toys to help deal with it.

Montagne: Beta, no cycle; smells like peaches. Helps his husband with his cycle without hesitation. Also a favorite of omega team members because he'll bring them sweets and heating pads when they're miserable.

Rook: also Beta, no cycle; smells like fresh baked bread. Will often run errands for team members on cycle leave. Often kidnapped by alphas in rut for cuddles because he's a walking ice cube and rut makes you into a furnace.

Twitch: Alpha, naturally semi annual cycle; smells like plain shampoo. Huge and awful emotional swings while remaining completely rational mentally, so she'll be crying and hiccuping while talking shit about her own biology. Please give cuddles.

Spetsnaz

Tachanka: Alpha, naturally semi annual cycle; smells like moss. Protective nature ramps up during the cycle, but his libido is unaffected.

Glaz: Beta, no cycle; smells like gunpowder to no one's surprise. While he is the only member of the Spetsnaz without a cycle, he is happy to help all three of them with theirs. Sometimes jokes that he's the only one with a totally calm head, which is hilarious to him because he has the highest likelihood of losing his head.

Kapkan: Omega, takes suppressants and wears blockers to pass as beta with a once annual cycle; smells like a campfire. Absolutely miserable during his cycle unless he has someone to give his attention to, in which case he's more clingy than he'll ever admit.

Fuze: Alpha, takes suppressants for an annual cycle; smells like roses, much to Tachanka's amusement. Somehow quieter than normal and reluctant to be touched in any fashion during his cycle.

GSG9

Bandit: Alpha, takes suppressants for a yearly cycle or else he's monthly; smells like overheated metal. Has a higher libido than Smoke, somehow, and is miserable unless he can snag a willing partner. That partner is usually Jäger.

Jäger: Beta, no cycle; smells like cinnamon and maple. Enjoys caring for his friends during their cycles, but mostly enjoys Bandit's sudden possessiveness once a year.

Blitz: Alpha, naturally semi annual cycle; smells like pineapple. Man's a sleeper and prefers to be left alone in his bed until the cycle passes, regardless of any libido.

IQ: Alpha, natural annual cycle; smells like chocolate. She spends three to four days a year binge eating because her body has decided its not horny - it's hungry.

[loveisharderthanitlooks]

911 Lone Star Rewatch - S01E07

I'm so behind.

This is the second (and correct me I'm wrong, and last) LS episode with a rescue involving a bull.

What does Angela Basset's role as a producer on LS actually entail? Apart from that one cameo has she ever given it a moment's thought except when she's cashing her cheques?

Is this the only time the show has actually addressed the fact that the 126's younger members aren't straight, white men and that living in Texas isn't easy for them?

There's something so interesting about seeing this other side to Michelle, how kind and compassionate she is, when she's not all consumed by her quest to find Iris.

Ah, Detective Washington. I like that she's continued to show up in later seasons.

Billy can be so charming, it's easy to understand why Owen gets taken in by him so often. But he is such a dick.

The Iris Plothole: AKA I count all the times Carlos definitely wasn't married to Iris when they wrote this scene.

I mean, this entire episode really.

Carlos says the blue truck your sister got into the night she disappeared? Your sister, not Iris, not my wife. Your sister.

Washington asks Carlos if they have new information about Iris Blake, not your wife.

Washington criticises Carlos for doing detective work on the case without notifying her. If he was Iris's husband he'd be a suspect and there's no way that he would be allowed anywhere near that case and Washington would make that very clear.

Again, Michelle only refers to Iris as her sister and makes no reference to Carlos having any connection to her, while Carlos is standing right there.

When Washington is telling Michelle about what she knows about Iris, there is not a single reference to her husband or her relationship with Carlos.

Carlos's presence in the scene where the blue truck is recovered is 100% about him being there to support Michelle. He is not there as somebody who has a deep, personal connection of his own to Iris.

Running total (16)

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

House husband jade house husband jade

(I find the way of the house husband hilarious)

Househusband Octotrio

Combining 3 in one here, Very trio centric

Azul

He's not a total Househusband, he has a business to run.

Still, he is amazing at housework. Everything is meticulous and organized for maximum efficiency, the nerd even calculated it. You both probably also have a pet Roomba that drifts around on occasion.

Azul is also an amazing cook from his years of owning and working in restaurants. He will wear the frilly apron and cook healthy, hearty meals that still taste great. He is waiting for his praises. Please praise him for his work, he needs it.

Also hard-core mom energy. It's kinda cute. He will make you eat some veggies and you better sit up straight, that shrimp posture is no good for your back! Also lectures you if you're working too hard, he loves you and wants you with him. 

Gets everything on the grocery list for a good price and the highest quality where it matters. He will even get you snacks. I can see him after he's done with all his chores acting like a wine mom watching true crime drink in hand while reading a book. Or in this case, watching Shrimplicity, the most popular show in the Coral Sea, reviewing contracts, and sipping on a drink that pairs well with his chicken nuggies.

Imagine him at the end of the day taking off your coat and hanging it up, asking how your day was, and giving you a kiss on the cheek. When you have to go out for the day, he makes sure you look your best, even fixing your collar, cuffs, and tie before smooching you goodbye.

All in all, he's more of a traditional househusband.

With Kids:

Man's a textbook father. He has read every book, watched every video, and also asked his mom, step-dad, and grandma about raising children. He's almost too good. 

So much exposure to all sorts of healthy foods and is probably a Pinterest mom with lots of activities and playtime focused on developing motor skills. The baby/ies is/are the healthiest in the world. He makes sure to read to them and never baby-talks them either.

Bedtime stories with lots of big words are common. He would even have them on his lap as he mixes potions while explaining how to make them and what they do. But most importantly he makes sure to tell his child/ren how much he loves them. He feels like he never says it enough.

100% would have the kid/s on his lap during a deal to coerce the client into signing a deal. Come awwwhnnn look at their cute little faces. He has money to make, do you want them to starve?? How could he be so evil with such adorable children?? And the children also have the most judgemental stare.

The kiddos will definitely grow up very loved and accepting of themselves. As they get older they are taught responsibility and chores. They are given a good allowance and strict rules that Azul encourages them to negotiate so they can practice for the real world.

The day his kid/s end up triggering their mer form during bathtime, he cries. The little chubby octomer— a form that he once despised— in the tub is his, and he loves them so much. It reminds him of how he looked like as a kid and it opens his eyes a bit to how harsh he was being to himself. Whenever he doubts himself or insecurity builds, he remembers his kiddo/s and how they're so much like him. Hating himself is also hating them. He swears that he will teach them, self-love.

Overall he's an amazing househusband that's even better with kiddies.

Floyd

I cannot see him being 100% a Househusband. He's probably still Azul's lackey for beating people up when it gets too boring. Not to say he couldn't be a househusband— just probably not full-time.

You have a very… eccentric house husband to say the least. He's definitely not like other house spouses. Rather than neat and tidy you probably have a semi-organized mess. Occasional decorative nick-nacks here and there which may be an acquired taste… theme does not exist to this man, he puts all the things he likes into one place like a fandom blog.

Cooking-wise, sometimes it may be better to eat out. There are some times when he either forgets to cook or ignores it because he's bored, which just means it's a take-out day. Other times his cooking is like his mood. Floyd can really cook something decent if he tries. Hell, he can also probably hunt some high-quality fish to eat raw. Regardless when he tries the food isn't perfect, but that just makes it better.

When the cooking isn't so great… be prepared. It can either be like eating cardboard or dumpster water. One time he served you a hotdogs sausage that had spaghetti going through it and you haven't been the same since.

Oh yeah, when grocery shopping he's super sketchy. "Hey hey you got any of that white stuff? White an' granulated?" "Sir we do not have that.." "No flour? Aw man I was gonna make a cake… or well try to.~" Everyone thinks that he's up to something. It's even worse when neighbors greet you and he comes off as threatening. You've gotten several noise complaints too. And police called because people thought the bite marks on you were from Floyd hurting you. No, he's just demanding attention and giving love.

With kids:

He WILL bring any kids you have along to his work and show them how it's done. If he can't hold them, he'll plop em on a chair or give them to uncle Jade as he just beats the absolute shit outta someone. He's not raising weaklings. If they can crawl they can brawl

He encourages his kids to have fun and make a mess. Oh, you wanna use mustard as paint? Count him in! You wanna try adding some meat to the cake? Let's make the weirdest cake ever then!

The kid/s are always encouraged to be kid/s and to be themselves. He jokes with them and genuinely listens to their interests. He's a dad when it matters and will go to a boring dance recital and probably get escorted out for going up there to join them.

Silly bedtime stories and play-wrestling are common. Oftentimes the house is a wreck afterward but when is it not? Floyd teaches the kids how to fight early on by wrestling them. Sometimes neighbors get concerned about how he manhandles the little one/s but he's surprisingly safe about it. Yeah, he's holding the baby like a gun and pretending to shoot people, but the neck is supported.

Floyd is impatient when the kid's merform doesn't trigger quickly. He would often throw them in the pool or bath randomly in hopes to see them. One day he sees a little eel in the tub and immediately gets excited and starts cooing over them. He promises to teach you all how to swim very good, yeah?

Chaotic good dad that gives their kids lots of fun memories and stories to tell.

Jade

S+ Househusband. Man's practically a butler already, house husbanding is child's play to him.

You think Azul was tidy? Jade is meticulous and probably moves the fridge and oven weekly to clean behind there as well. Dust is not a concept to him at all. There are no need for Roombas when Jade exists. Do not mess up his arrangements or orders of things, he gets very annoyed because his way makes the most sense to him. If you're short he might put stuff you use a lot on the top shelf. 

The home has a very earthy theme too. It's no secret he adores terrariums and nature. You may have a moss wall and a lot of houseplants and mini terrariums too. The air in your house is crisp.

His cooking is incredible as always, and his foraging has never stopped. A lot of ingredients used he may have grown or foraged himself. Please compliment his mushroom dishes, it makes him really happy and he may tell you everything he knows about them too. Overall you have very tasty and balanced meals every day.

Jade is also misunderstood and considered the scary one of the household. To be fair he does encourage that image by messing with others for his amusement. Oh, the neighbors saw him covered in blood through the window because he was butchering a steak? He'll play into it to watch them squirm. He'll change his wordings to sound sincere yet threatening too.

Coupon god when grocery shopping, though it's rare for him to go shopping in big stores. He loves farmer's markets and is especially good at haggling prices. I can see him also selling and exchanging mushrooms there too in his own little stand. Raw milk and honey, fresh fruit and veggies, along with some high-quality meat? Loves it. As a regular, he gets discounts too. Definitely jokes with his regular shopkeepers by pretending to be scary, it's an inside joke.

An ideal house husband really. He's absolutely terrifying to everyone else but is sweet and loving with you. Lots of friendly banter too, he is a tease after all. 

With kids

An ideal yet strange dad? Your kids always seem perfect with him, it's strange. Perhaps the kid or kids you have will inherit Jade's ability to seem calm.

Like his parents, he will train any kids you have at a young age in self-defense. Kid's gonna be a black belt in everything at age 7.

Surprisingly good with children and it still feels surreal that he has little ones. He does everything he can to make them as healthy as possible as babies. Plenty of meat, plenty of veggies, mushrooms, and all sorts of playtime activities to make them strong.

He would encourage any hobbies the kid/s may have and support their interests completely. Goes to any plays or piano recitals. 

Jade teaches responsibility first and foremost. There are certain things you have to do and certain actions have consequences. He teaches them all kinds of things from chores to cooking to camping to swimming in the ocean. What to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Of course, he doesn't tell them everything as he doesn't want his kids to be completely dependent on him and lets them try or think of new solutions.

Don't think his intimidating self disappears with his kids. If anything they inherited it. He will tell them scary bedtime stories that they adore and they mimic dads "scary voice".

"Let's say you have 5 eels in your reef and a shark devours two of them, a sad day undersea… but how many remain?" "Two! Two!" "...Correct little one, smart as ever."

Jade is surprised he manages to find someone he trusted enough to start a family and he adores you both so much. You all go to the beach or the Coral Sea often so the children can see their grandparents and explore their other homes. One day, in the shallows as Jade, was curled around the little thing in eel form, did they change as well. The kid was surprised and a bit scared at first, but Jade scooped them up and held them. It's time to teach them everything there is to being an eel.

[20moonchild21]

𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗼𝗹𝗱? [𝗸𝗻𝗷]

⇉ 𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘁

[pairing]

Kim Namjoon x female!reader, Idol!Namjoon x wife!reader

[warnings]

none, just fluff

[words]

1.3k

[author]

No new chapter of 𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 this week. I am so so sorry, but I really couldn’t find the time to write a new chapter. I want to do that properly and not under pressure. I hope you can understand.

My exams will be over next week, and then I definitely will be back with 𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 💪🏼😌 Until then, I hope you like to read this cute oneshot. I had it saved on my computer but never uploaded it.

I also got a lot of messages recently that people would love to leave a message more often (not just under my chapters) but are too scared to make mistakes. English is also not my native language, and I am a 100% sure that I also make a lot of mistakes while writing. But believe me, no one cares if you do a grammar mistakes or if miss a letter. It’s so important to always be brave and speak/write a foreign language, even if that means to make mistakes. That’s the only way to improve your skills. Your message will always be heard as long as you are brave enough and express yourself 💜 it’s no shame to do mistakes.

Enjoy reading and stay healthy

Mꨄ

You watched as your husband, Namjoon, carefully slide his big hand over your baby bump, lifting his hand from time to time to push his half round glasses up the bridge of his nose , and resting them back onto you tummy. In his other hand, he was holding one of his favourite books, flickering the pages, while you were just checking your phone for new baby clothes.

You had never believed your friends how crazy you could get over some small baby clothes until you had become pregnant the first time. It was just so breath-taking to hold those tiny, little pieces of clothing in you much bigger hand, knowing that soon there would be a tiny human wearing them. But as excited as you were for your third baby to arrive, you also knew that from that moment your life would become even more stressful.

Just like the end of that stressful week that finally had ended for the both of you. Being pregnant with your third child sometimes made it hard for your body to give it’s full energy all day long, leaving you often exhausted and powerless. Especially, when there also were two other small toddlers running around the house and making a mess out of it.

You loved your both daughters endlessly. From the first moment you had held their tiny bodies in your arms, you had been falling in love every day again. But despite all aspects you loved about you two children, you sometimes wished that they would not have their father’s energy and urge to move. They could run around the apartment for hours, they could play hide and seek round after round after round, and they definitely could never get tired of braiding your hair or painting your nails all day long.

You couldn’t even blame them. After all, they were you a couple of years old. They were just trying to learn about the world around them, not understanding that your body was occupied with growing another living being.

In such moments, you were just more than relieved that you had your wonderful husband Namjoon by your side. Even though with his sometimes hectical idol life, he had always managed and made sure to support your whenever he could. He would go shopping for you when your feet had felt swollen and heavy, he would play with your two daughters in the living room when you had felt tired and exhausted, or he would just do simple things like giving you a nice message with his big hands whenever your back had hurt.

Totally absorbed in the thoughts about your husband, you didn’t noticed that you had been staring at him from the side all the time.

“See something you like, pretty girl.” He asked in his deep voice, before turning his head to look at you. His right hand never left your baby bump.

“Yes, that lamp over there at the drawer looks pretty nice.” You mumbled, leaning your elbow on the armrest of the sofa and placing your head on your hand, looking lovely at the boy in front of you.

Namjoon turned his head to look at the lamp behind him, before he looked back at you and began to chuckle slightly. Seeing his beautiful dimples and cute cringles left you no other choice but joining in into his laughers.

Most people said that those small moments with each other would get lost once you are married and once you have children, but your relationship had never been affected by that. You had always found way to take time for just the two of you, even if it only had been a meal you both created together.

“By the way, I have to tell you something.” He suddenly closed his book and looked excitingly in your way. “Do you remember that set of plates we found a few weeks ago, but they were already sold out when we wanted to order them? I stumbled over them again this morning, and they were available again. I hope you still want them, because I ordered them as soon as I saw that advertisement.”

You gasped in surprise. When the two of you had found out that you would expect another child, you had decided to finally muck out all that old stuff that you had kept from years ago. The kitchen was your current task to finish. You had found that new set of plates a few weeks ago and immediately, you had fallen in love with it, as well as Namjoon.

“Are you for sure?” You smiled at him, lifting your hands to give your husband a strong high five. “That’s freaking amazing. You are the best, yeobo (honey).”

Namjoon laughed again when you used the softened form of your expletive that you would also you use in front of your daughters. He carefully put his hand back on your swollen bump, leaning over to give you a kiss on the forehead, before turning his attention back towards his book.

The room fell in a comfortable silence again, as you laid your head on his shoulder and closed your eyes. It made you proud that your husband was so ambitious and caring about making yourselves a real home. Most people would believe that with his job, he would be more than occupied with himself rather than with your family but luckily, it was quite the opposite.

“Aein.” The sudden movement of your husband made you lift your head from his shoulder, watching as his closed his book, before he looked down at you with a somehow shocked expression. “Did we – did we just get excited about a set of – plates?”

Confused, you kept looking on your husband with wide eyes, trying to bring his words and actions together, until it finally hit you.

“Oh my god. Yes we did.” You whispered in shock, sitting up straight. “We just got excited about a set of plates. What did just happen.”

With your hand still placed on his chest, you both kept looking at each other. Namjoon and you had been together for more that 5 years now, but you had known each other for countless years before. You had been through high school together, and you had definitely been through some adventures and crazy times together.

Those teenager-times had gone by and the both of you had come together. You both had built up a strong relationship, even though you both had to manage your careers meanwhile. But that never meant that you had become boring in some way. Sneaking out at the dorms at night or wild make-out scenarios during his dance breaks had only been two examples of how you had developed together.

Even more year had went by and suddenly, you had become pregnant, bringing both, Namjoon and you, over the moon. That had been the moment you had finally grown up fully together, which was exactly the situation you found yourselves in right now, getting excited over a set of plates.

Meanwhile, Namjoon had broken away from his shock stare. He carefully took your hand away from his chest and brought it up towards his mouth, placing a big kiss on the soft skin.

“Oh my love.” He mumbled, lifting his gaze to meat yours. “I think we are getting old, hm?”

Even though such a realisation was hard to do, it somehow felt right to start that mew chapter in your lives together. Even though if that meant to be excited about a bunch of plates.

“It seems so.” You whispered back, leaning forward until your forehead were touching. “Next time we will get excited is about our new dentures.”

Namjoon chuckled slightly, before bending down to kiss your lips.

“As long as you are by my side when I get those dentures, I will always be excited about it.”

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: Nirvana in Fire, Episode 04

(Masterpost) (Pinboard)

Warning! Spoilers for all 54 episodes!

Schemes in Progress:

Mu Nihuang’s Marriage//Martial Arts Competition: Mei Changsu has a foolproof plan for defeating the lead contender, Baili Qi, who is the only contender who can actually beat Nihuang to win her hand. His plan appears to involve having small children beat the mighty warrior. In fact his plan is way simpler and more delightful than that, but I’ll discuss the specifics in a later post. It’s politically important to defeat Baili Qi, not just personally, because he represents a potential enemy state. 

Mu Nihuang’s Marriage//Sima Lei: The Crown Prince and his mom, Consort Yue, want to force Nihuang to marry their dude Sima Lei. The plan is to use Roofie Wine on her. Consort Jing gets wind of this plan and gets a counter-plan rolling. 

Getting Tingsheng Out Of The Palace: Mei Changsu uses the anxiety caused by Baili Qi’s badassery to get the Emperor to agree to his ridiculous kid-training plan, and then makes sure Tingsheng, the secret son of the late Prince Qi, is one of the kids he gets to train. 

Put Jingyan on the Throne: This scheme gets rolling, with a general pattern of Mei Changsu & team doing whatever they can to sink the leading contenders for the throne, which gives Jingyan an opportunity to rise up. The leading contenders tend to cooperate in their own sinking because they are ruthlessly ambitious, and Mei Changsu designs his plans to take advantage of that. 

Banquet Battle

After thoroughly disarming and whomping Jingrui, Baili Qi finishes by flinging Jingrui’s sword into the floor right in front of him. 

Jingrui, who hoped to literally cripple Baili Qi in this fight, has the nerve to be affronted by this. 

(More behind the cut!)

Baili Qi shows his impeccable barbarian manners, giving the Emperor a nice gesture of respect that is presumably local to Northern Yan. Meanwhile, Mei Changsu and Nihuang are snarking quietly at their table like a couple of high schoolers.

Mei Changsu pretends to be embarrassed when the Emperor tells them to share their joke with the whole class, but of course it’s always a scheme, with him. 

He and Nihuang explain to everyone that they were just chatting about how Baili Qi is great and all, but that Mei Changsu could train some small amateur children to beat his bitch ass, given a couple of days to teach them to run in a circle. 

The emperor thinks this is a good plan, and gets right on board with it. 

This is not actually because the emperor is an idiot, however, although Prince Yu clearly thinks so. 

The emperor IS an idiot, but on this occasion I think he has correctly deduced that Mei Changsu has some kind of shady plan in mind, and he is 100% in favor of shady plans, if they work to his benefit. 

Consort Bestie

Jingyan’s mom Consort Jing is hanging out in the palace, and meets up with her girlfriend bestie, Imperial Concubine Hui. Historically, the Emperor’s collection of women was divided into ranks; how many ranks was different for different periods. In NIF, Consort Jing and I.C. Hua belong to the “outer palace” and the Empress and Consort Yue belong to the “inner palace” because they rank higher. The Empress likes to pick on  IC Hua, and has sent her to light a bunch of candles in a haunted palace.

Consort Jing goes with her because they are girlfriends besties, and because she is a consistently nice person who deserves all the good things in the world. Spoiler: Both of these women survive, they stay friends, things work out well for both of them and for their sons. Go ahead and root for them! 

Because the haunted palace belongs to the late Empress, mother of the Emperor and of Grand Princess Liyang, these BFFs are ideally placed to overhear some important scheming, involving some drugged wine that’s been sitting around in this part of the compound for like 30 years. 

They realize that someone is planning to sexually assault a woman by using this drugged wine, and Nihuang is the obvious candidate, since her marriage plans are all anyone’s talking about now. Consort Jing tells Concubine Hua to forget all about this and not get involved in palace drama, but she immediately gets to work intervening in the situation herself. 

Training 

Over at the Xie guesthouse, Mei Changsu is training the kiddies in a special sword formation designed to beat Baili Qi. They sure do have pretty sword forms for a bunch of kids who have never held a sword. Also, someone’s chalk skills are off the chain.

Mei Changsu tells Fe Liu that they have to be faster, so Fe Liu tells them “go faster” and they do, which is apparently the essence of learning martial arts. 

Mu Nihuang shows up and sees right through all of this, making it clear she needs a miracle to get her out of this unwanted marriage. Mei Changsu tells her that he’s got it covered. She says that she believes him, although she’s not sure why. 

Then they stand there gazing heatedly at each other, like you do when you are two random people who have never met until recently, and definitely have never gotten each other off even a little bit. 

Embroidery Flexing

Meanwhile, Consort Jing sets out to save Nihuang from the wine/marriage plot, through the power of embroidery. 

In order to do this she has to make embroidered scent sachets for the Dowager Empress, the Empress, the Grand Princess, and Consort Yue, which she does before going to bed for the night, apparently. Consort Jing kicks ass. 

She makes sure that the Dowager Empress, who is a sweetheart, will be pleased enough with her sachet that she will invite Consort Jing into the room, which will give her an opportunity to present the actually important sachet to Grand Princess Liyang. 

Communication was complicated, before cell phones. 

Once they’re alone, Consort Jing tells Grand Princess Liyang about the plot to force Nihuang to marry Sima Lei. She tells her in the most round-about, triggery way possible, because she needs Liyang to have a flashback, I guess? Otherwise we wouldn’t get to watch her own Mom drugging her to force her to marry Xie Yu. 

Thanks, Mom, I’d be happy to drink this cup of obvious poison. Mom is terrible but her crown is awesome. 

Anyway, once Liyang knows what’s up, she’s on board with team Save Nihuang From Having To Marry A Creep Like My Own Husband.

Clean-shaven Xie Yu: even creepier than regular Xie Yu and also very shiny. Beautiful costume, though. Why are they dressing the flashback villains so nicely? 

Side note: presumably Liyang and her mom didn’t know she was already pregnant when they brought Xie Yu into the mix? Because if they had known, she would probably have been fine with just, like, consenting to marry someone or other, to keep her reputation intact. Anyway it’s worth noting that this whole situation is about appearances, not about whether anyone is actually a literal virgin. 

The Laughing Prince

Jingyan comes for a visit to see how the training is going, and he and Mei Changsu have a sitdown. Mei Changsu tells him that he’s come to town to make sure that the two main contenders for the throne don’t get it, and that he’s going to work to make Jingyan the next emperor. 

Then they stand there gazing at each other, like strangers who definitely have never gotten each other off even a little bit. 

Then Jingyan laughs at him

Jingyan thinks it’s impossible that he would ever be emperor, but he’s happy to go along with Mei Changsu’s plans if it will keep his jerk brothers from winning. 

Building Team Jingyan

Late at night, Meng Zhi drops by to look at Tingsheng and say that he resembles Prince Qi, which he totally doesn’t, but Chinese dramas really don’t worry about casting people who resemble each other to play twins or whatever, so we can take Meng Zhi’s word for it. 

They talk about the Make-Prince-Jing-The-Emperor plan, with Meng Zhi wanting to help out, and Mei Changsu wanting to make sure that only his own hands get dirty with all the schemey stuff he’s planning. 

Hu Ge is really good at talking directly to the camera without looking into the lens. It’s a good technique for intense moments and because he doesn’t look straight into the lens, it doesn’t break the fourth wall. 

Building Team Nihuang

Liyang has spent the day trying to warn Nihuang about the roofie wine situation, but can’t reach her due to a lack of cell phones and/or embroidery skills. 

So she takes the daring step of going to Mei Changsu’s guest house--on her own dang property--which is such a high risk endeavor she has to wear a fancy cloak and cary a super obvious fancy lantern.  God forbid a woman walk around her own house at night.  Anyway, she’s able to pass the warning to Mei Changsu, and asks him to pass it to Nihuang. 

Of course that’s when her husband comes knocking, presumably looking for some affection--he actually is a nice husband who genuinely loves his wife, within the context of a society in which rape is perfectly fine, anyway. 

Her junior servants are freaked out, because visiting a man, even your own houseguest, alone at night is not perfectly fine, so if he catches her, they’re all dead, basically. But the elder servant tells them to chill and just watch how she handles it. 

She politely tells Xie Yu that his wife was reminded of their first date, and so maybe he should leave her and her feelings and her sharp hairpins and whatnot alone for a while. (I’m inferring the hairpins.) He looks slightly terrified and immediately withdraws. 

[madswritingvoid]

Afternoon Delight

Pairing: Max Phillips x f!reader

Words: 1.7k

Warnings: 18+ SEE YA MINORS, smut but like soft smut, oral sex (m), masturbation (f), unprotected p in v sex, cockwarming, blood, vampire stuff, Max Phillips is a warning lol

A/N: Yes I 100% think Max would want his name in your phone to be Vamp Daddy and no I will not be taking questions about it at this time. BUT here’s another smut piece about my vampire husband, because I love him.

(Tagging @jettia because apparently she likes pain and wanted to read this if I ended up posting it)

Max Phillips is annoying. Not a joke, or an exaggeration, just a fact. He’s smarmy, sleazy, sneaky, manipulative, seductive, exhausting, and all yours. As much as his “management style” (re: turning everyone into vampires), may seem unethical or out-of-the-box, he really knew how to turn a company around. Surprisingly, when he isn’t being a total frat boy asshole, he’s also a pretty awesome boyfriend. 

Yeah, sometimes you gotta remind him that no Max that isn’t funny or say that again and it’s a stake to the heart and the dick, but overall you know you love him and he loves you. He’d kill for you, literally. So when you hadn’t received your morning “show me your boobs, babe” wake-up text, you knew something was up.

With his cocky attitude and air of self-assurance, you’ve never seen anything really make Max sweat. Not until two nights ago when he said his bosses, the big bag vamps, were coming down for a branch visit today. You glance over at your phone to check the time and saw it was almost lunchtime for you both and decide to shoot him a quick text.

You: I know yours came in today but how’s my big bad vamp doing? xxx

Vamp Daddy🧛🏻‍♂️:   :(((((((((((((

You: Is someone in the need for......

Vamp Daddy🧛🏻‍♂️: yes

You: an afternoon delight?

You: You could have let me finish, but okay.

Grateful you were working from home today, you sent off a final email and decided to take a half day, knowing Max would really need some help to relax. 

You slinked off to your bedroom and changed out of your work-appropriate but very casual matching sweat set to slip into one of Max’s favourite sundresses you have- a deep cranberry with black lace around the bottom and on the chest highlighting your boobs, Max’s favourite, and the length hitting just above your knees made it “easy access” in his words. You keep your natural Zoom meeting makeup on and opt for a quick swipe of your favourite deep red lipstick to match the dress, ready to make Max’s afternoon.

Walking into the familiar office building you can immediately feel the energy is off. Not that it wasn’t always weird, since almost everyone in here was dead, but today it was even worse. Too quiet, too cold. You almost wanted to crack a “jeez, who died?” joke to lighten the mood, but you got the feeling today was not the day and walked right into Max’s office.

“Awww baby, what’s all this?” You coo as you glide over to him. What a sight he is. He’s sitting in his big office chair with his head right on the desk, long arms splayed out in front of him making his big hands hang over the desk’s edge. A total look of defeat. Hearing your voice Max’s head shoots up and immediately you’re hit with a classic Phillips pout, puppy dog eyes in full effect. “Baaaaabe,” he whines while making grabby hands at you until you’re finally within reach. 

Pulling you into his lap, he buries his face in your neck, rubbing his nose up and down the column of your throat as your hands make their way into his hair, massaging his scalp. “Maxie, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” You’re only met with a heavy sigh as he takes his head and burrows between your boobs, “Everything,” he mumbles against your chest. “They loved my presentation, but hated the office,” he grumbles.

“Well, that’s easy to fix, we can go out this weekend and get some new decor to liven up the place,” you grin and start really going to town on his scalp making Max almost purr and lean into your touch more. Before you could offer more support he started shaking his head, motorboating you but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“No babe,” he sulks, finally lifting his head up to meet your eyes again, “they hated everyone in the office. Said Andrew was weird and Dave had an ‘offputting’ quality. He’s dead! Almost all of us are dead! What do they expect? And that’s not even the worst part!!!” He moans, “he hated everyone, but liked Evan?” You actually gasp, no one likes Evan. He’s so mopey and annoying, especially after Max bounced back from Evan almost murdering him, showing up to work the following Monday as if nothing happened. “Oh baby, that doesn’t make any fucking sense, I’m so sorry,” you soothe him as your hands move from his hair and start to make their way down to his belt.

Realizing what you’re doing, Max’s whole mood changes. Smirking, he puts on a much more playful pout, “yeah baby,” he coos, “it’s been real hard. But now that you’re here something else has got real hard too, and I think I know how to fix that.” You slide off his lap and onto the floor quickly, Max lifting you up for a moment to slide his now folded suit jacket under your knees in a surprising moment of kindness. Pressing a kiss to his knee as a thank you, you make quick work of his belt and pants and pull out his hardening cock. As you begin to stroke him slowly you make eye contact and spit right on his dick, making him groan.

“Love you baby, let me make you feel good,” you say before taking the tip of his cock in your mouth, swirling you tongue around him and licking the salty precum that was already leaking from him. As you continue to work more of him into your mouth, you can feel Max absolutely melt into his leather chair and take whatever you give him. “That’s it baby, always so so good, always know what I need,” he praises and you moan around his length, the compliment going straight to your core.

Not being able to take it anymore, you snake the hand not pumping the part of him you can fit in your mouth, you slide your hands underneath your underwear and start circling your clit. You moan around his length again and Max slightly bucks his hips, sending him farther down your throat. “Fuuuuuck yes, sweet cheeks, that’s it,” he can’t stop it now as his hips start a shallow bit steady rhythm as he fucks into your mouth. Letting him take what you need you slide two fingers into your dripping pussy, using the heel of your hand to keep rubbing your clit while you pump your fingers.

The only sounds filling the office are Max’s groans and the wet noise of you fucking yourself on your hand. You can tell Max is close because his pace quickens and you can hear the chair arm rests groan under his tight grip until he gives one final thrust, shooting his load right down your throat. Making sure you don’t waste a drop, you continue softly sucking the tip of him as you start to chase your own high until Max uses his vampire speed and strength to take your hand out of your underwear and move you back into his lap. You whine at the loss of your orgasm and stare with lust filled eyes as Max takes the hand that was just inside you and cleans your fingers of the slick covering them.

“Now sweets, you’ve been so good to me, I figured letting you cum on my cock would be an appropriate thank you,” booping your nose he gives a little tug to rip your panties right off and sink you down on his still hard length. Your eyes roll back and you let out a high pitched moan at the stretch, you were already so wet from earlier he was able to push in with no resistance. “There it is champ,” he chuckles, “here’s your reward.” Putting his hands firmly on your hips he starts to move you up and down on his length, his hips meeting you with each thrust. All you can do is throw your arms around his neck to hold on, chanting his name as he hits that sweet spot over and over.

“Had s-such a bad day baby,” he growls, “but this- this pussy always does the trick,” you clench at the praise causing him to thrust a little harder. Knowing your so close to falling over the edge, you decide to give Max another treat, “B-baby,” you whimper, “f-feels so good. I’m so close, b-bite me,” his hips stutter before his pace resumes again. Grabbing your jaw he makes you meet his eyes and asks, “fuck, I love you, but are you sure? You don’t have to-” he groans as you clench around him again, your walls fluttering as the coil continues to tighten. “Yes! Fuck,” you babble, “I’m gonna come baby please,” you run your fingers through his hair and pull his face into your neck.

Feeling how much you’re gripping his length, Max licks across your pulse point and gives the area a little kiss before sinking his teeth into the soft skin. Once you feel his fangs break through, the coil snaps, and you absolutely gush all over his cock. You continue to moan as Max works you through your high as he continues to drink from you. Tugging on his hair twice to tell him to stop, Max stops thrusting into you and licks over the bite marks, his spit healing them instantly. Kissing your neck again you hear a mumbled, “thank you baby,” as Max wraps his arms around you.

You sit there for what feels like forever, him still seated inside of you while you go back to massaging his scalp. Noticing the time you attempt to get up, “Max! Honey, your lunch break has definitely been over I should go home,” his grip tightens around you as you get hit with puppy dog eyes again. “You could go home,” he agrees, “or you could just stay right here with me inside of you while I finish this report. I’m the boss, I can always leave early for my baby,” he gives your ass a gentle slap causing you to clench around him again. Groaning, he leans down to press a kiss to your temple, “besides I’ll definitely want to have you at least one more time before we go. Why don’t you have a little nap on big ol’ me?” He jokes, but you can’t bring yourself to make a come back, already feeling your lids grow tired from what just happened.

Nuzzling into his neck, you give his skin little kisses, “sounds good baby,” you slur, “sounds real good.”

[khaotic-kitsunes]

Thank you!!! I’m super excited to get another puppy, it’s both exciting and frustrating because where I live, all the puppies are just...being adopted so fucking fast? That and I refuse to buy from backyard breeders or those cheap pet shops that sell backyard breeders puppies. As much as I would love to own a puppy, it’s better for me to adopt one or buy one through a registered breeder, that way I know it’s 100% healthy!

But I love this request?? How dare you make me feel warmth in the cold empty spot where a heart used to reside????????

Kidding...but, I do hope you enjoy the headcanons and be sure to let me know what you think!

🥃 AO3 🥃 || ✉️My Askbox✉️ || 💬Discord💬

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

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Lemillion / Mirio Togata

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🥞 From the very beginning Mirio is in total agreement to getting a puppy, he thinks it’ll be great for when he has to work a lot and you get stuck home with no one to keep you company. However, he does have a condition. It has to be a dog that you can train to protect you.

🥞 Since you wanted a larger dog anyway, his condition is nothing that really holds you back; instead, it offers you so many opportunities. Most of the dogs Mirio approves of most are the breeds that you’ve had your eye on for many years now.

🥞 But, since you can only get one puppy, you convince Mirio to take you out to get a Siberian Husky; chosen purely for it’s floof-tastic future in your home. A pun that cracked Mirio up more than he originally wanted to admit.

🥞 The puppy is a little difficult to handle at first, always running underfoot. You’d been tripped a fair bit, Mirio just laughs and uses his quirk to make the cute pup run straight through him; something that always makes the puppy skid to a halt and look back at him with its ear flopped to the side.

🥞 You loved Mirio most for the photos of said moments that he had managed to snap for you.

🥞 When the puppy finally settles into its new home with the two of you, things are the happiest. You’ve got company when Mirio is gone and Mirio can be satisfied that you’re well protected; having trained the puppy himself for your safety.

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Fatgum / Taishiro Toyomitsu

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🍡 You’ve been begging him for a puppy for months, seven months to be exact and Taishiro had finally caved to your pleas; taking you in to view some puppies that needed to be adopted into a good home.

🍡 It wasn’t that Taishiro didn’t want a dog, he was just scared that he’d crush the poor thing if it ever tried to rush around near him; a fear that had taken you all those months to settle. Promising to work hard to train the puppy not to do such things.

🍡 A difficult task, but one that would surely be worth the effort that you would go to. Taishiro was one of the gentlest people you knew and having a puppy would cheer you up immensely when you were lonely at home; it made sense for you to get one.

🍡 Taishiro is insistent that this will be your dog though, as much as he will love and care for it like you will. He wants you to bond with the puppy and become inseparable, which means that out of the puppies you got to look at, you would choose the one that called out to you the most.

🍡 Which, funnily enough, ended up being a Great Dane puppy.

🍡 You were told that he was the runt of the litter but should grow to be just as tall as any other Great Dane would. But even if it didn’t, that didn’t matter to you, because you had fallen in love with the puppy the moment you laid eyes on it.

🍡 Your visit was exactly 10 minutes. It took you a minute to pick the puppy and another nine to get all the forms signed and everything paid up in full. Now you were on your way home with your new runt in your arms, happily devouring the cuddles you were supplying.

🍡 True enough, the puppy did end up growing to be around the same size as normal Great Danes, in fact, you thought it was a little taller if you were honest.

🍡 Either way, it was a dog that your husband wouldn’t trample over and that made you a very happy owner.

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Suneater / Tamaki Amajiki

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🐙 Tamaki was the one to bring up the idea, even though you had been thinking about asking him for the past month or so. It was a casual conversation, started simply enough by the simple statement – “I think we should get a puppy…”

🐙 Whenever you ask why, Tamaki answers with a vague explanation. He doesn’t have a reason per se for wanting one, he just really wanted a puppy for you.

🐙 His only condition about getting a puppy was that it had to be fluffy, he didn’t mind what breed; Tamaki left that decision to you. He only wanted a fluffy dog that enjoyed pats. Nothing you would disagree with.

🐙 So, after getting your home ready for a puppy and buying the necessary items. You go on your hunt for a new member of the family…but it takes time, there’s not always puppies available apparently and it took about three months before you were able to view any.

🐙 Luckily for you, when you went in to see the long-awaited puppies, they were little fluffy balls of perfection that you immediately fell in love with. So much so, that Tamaki had to gently remind you that you could only bring one home.

🐙 That puppy was a sweet little German Shepard that took an instant liking to you, practically jumping into your arms when you reached out to give it some love and attention; which in turn had you turning to Tamaki with tears in your eyes from the adorable behaviour.

🐙 Tamaki had you hold the newest member of your family while he filled out the necessary forms, neither he nor the person selling the puppy trusted you to get the forms signed yourself when you had the puppy around; you were too absorbed in how soft it’s fur was and how adorable it was acting.

🐙 But once you got the puppy home, you found that it settled in quickly. Easily becoming the most loved member of the household; it was practically your baby.

🐙 As you found out a few months after getting your puppy, Tamaki’s main drive behind getting a puppy was that you had been sleep talking and Tamaki had been kept awake by your desires for a, what he quoted – “Floofy baby”