#as some sort of fuck you to the great cycle or whatever

[finely-tuned-line]

RP:

FTL: And that statement there is where the issue lies. I did not have a close call with the Rot. I had it under control the whole time, even if I have begun deeming the latter half of the situation as a 'crisis', that is only because of the lack of a better word, and due to the then-existent danger to others. Just because I can get hurt doesn't mean that others can't. That fact may be hypocritical in nature, but as stated, it's a fact, and I've long since accepted that fact.

FTL: Sure, perhaps my Local Group. That's different, though. Family often ends up caring about each other, even to their oen detriment. The issue is - or rather the lack of one - that they know. They know what I think, they know that I don't understand them and their straying from purpose, they know. If they haven't long since accepted that it is very, very possible that I get hurt, then I don't even know what they're doing.

FTL: And you're right! That's the only way that my condition matters to myself. But as stated earlier, I'll discard even that necessity in the end. I'm sure you don't approve of this, but I'll need to test my experiment somehow.

FTL: ...That is just yet another fault on the Ancients' part. They lacked foresight, they made many, many bad decisions. This just so happens to be yet another one of them. I do not know why they gave us emotions. Even if I do unnecessarily have them, they are completely pointless, and I will carry on ignoring them the best I can. Emotions are but a hindrance.

FTL: But the Ancients really did mess up when they made us like this. Maybe they wanted the nuance that being sentient gives us, instead of just the perfect logical rationality of a mere program, no matter how complex it may be. We are tools, though I do not understand how they didn't see the faults with making us like this. Emotions may provide us with nuance, but surely they knew that they only cause more mistakes.

FTL: Perhaps we too, were merely experiments to them. A test, though of what I do not know. In the end, I don't know why they made us like this. It's completely pointless though, and as I've said, it was yet another major miscalculation on their part. Even if I am stuck like this, I have no reason to acknowledge emotion. Why should I succumb to an obstacle that I face in my quest to fulfill purpose?

FTL: If I didn't have a purpose in the first place, I wouldn't exist. That's the whole point of this. I exist due to purpose, therefore I must adhere to purpose, to prove myself worthy of existing. Because it is what I was created to do, so I must not stray and must be willing to give up anything for the sake of purpose because it is all that I am. If I didn't have my purposes, not only would I not be myself, I would just simply not exist.

FTL: I may have discarded one of my purposes (solving the Great Problem), but I know that that is a futile endeavour. I think that the Ancients did too. In truth, it does not matter to me what they thought, I owe them nothing. Perhaps that could be seen as a juxtaposition to my belief that purpose is everything, but I do not believe it to be so. Just because they're the ones who built me and gave me purpose does not mean that I fulfill purpose for their sake.

FTL: I define myself by purpose because, as I have said before, I exist only because I have my purpose. Perhaps it's an attempt to prove myself worthy of existing, perhaps it's the fact that everything else that I could define myself is completely pointless. I am just repeating myself, I've said all this before.

FTL: Why? Why do you care? Why do you care about my wellbeing? Why do you care about whether or not I am okay? Why do I matter to you?

FTL: Why do you insist upon saying that the way that I fashion my existence and that the risks I take are unnecessary and irrational? I have laid out my reasoning, I see no faults. Explain yours.

LIFEGIVER: [AUTOMATED MESSAGE] 11993

LIFEGIVER: [AUTOMATED MESSAGE] Status report is required. Please respond as soon as possible so I can record any differentiating symptoms.

RP:

FTL: FTLR-3 has been destroyed, I am now in normal condition. No damage done at all, my plan went through smoothly. I'll be sending the Locator back shortly. Thank you.

[rowarn]

okay i'm back to expand on toxic situationship simon vs smitten golden retriever könig fighting for ur attention!!!

when simon first met you, he had no intention of interacting with you let alone "dating" you. but it just kind of....happened. you had a way of worming your way into his thoughts and his life.

the problem was that he was not build for a relationship. he had problems. a lot of them. he wasn't the type to work on himself, he was the type to find distractions to cope with the mess that was in his head at all times.

the closer you tried to get to him, the further he pulled away. but then when you backed off, he remembered he needed you as a distraction. so he'd rein you back in only for the cycle to continue.

he ignored how much it hurt you, how sometimes your eyes would swim with tears when he gave you the cold shoulder and told you to leave him alone. it wasn't like you understood what was going on — simon refused to open up and tell you that he was just...fucking messy in the head. instead, he just let you think he was some sleazy douchebag who used you for a quick fuck only to toss to the curb when you annoyed him.

part of him wondered (but didn't care bc it benefited him) why you kept coming back after how much he hurt your feelings. but when he wasn't being an intentional jackass to get you to leave him alone for a week or two, he was a great guy. a gentleman. he spoke to you with a soft but not condescending tone and was patient even when you asked stupid questions. when he had you as his distraction, he enjoyed your company and you enjoyed his — only for him to turn around and spew vitriol out of left field.

it was during one of the times he had chased you off that you met könig. on an elevator of all things. the entire mechanical box shuddered with his weight and you were downright shocked as the hulking mass of him ducked to step in.

when you asked what floor, he spoke with a quiet, almost nervous tone to tell you. as you rode the elevator down, you couldn't help but notice how he sort of shrunk in on himself as if he was trying to take up as little space as possible — as if that was even possible. he was massive. he avoided your gaze in a way that was shy instead of suspicious.

it was kind of...cute.

when you both got off the elevator, the lobby, you took a deep breath and stopped him, asking as confidently as you could if you could have his number. his eyes had widened but he surprisingly didn't say no — jackpot!

tho you couldn't see all of his face — the bottom half of it covered by a mask and his large hood concealing his hair, you felt a bit of an attraction to him.

as you walked out, hastily typing his number into your phone as you parted ways, you realized you may have a thing for masked man since this man — könig, he had said with an accent, and the ass that was simon both wore masks.

in between the time of The Simon Cycle, you went on a couple dates with könig. he was charming and sweet, if not a little shy. he was clumsy and almost always bumped his head on doorways before shamefully rubbing the spot he bumped with a look of embarrassment in his eyes.

he was excitable and energetic. he loved animals and always pointed out whatever animals he saw while walking with you — people walking dogs, cats in windows, ducks floating on ponds.

the more time you spent with him, the more you forgot about simon.

until his name popped up on your phone one evening when you were spending an evening in with könig. it was nothing crazy, he wanted to watch his favorite horror movie with you (an ancient black and white).

könig caught sight of your frown as your phone rang, catching sight of the name 'simon' with a blank picture.

"who is this?" he had asked, tho it wasn't out of jealousy, just pure concern and interest.

you let out a sigh, "i dated him....sort of...? not really..." you had responded, earning a confused look from him.

you explained everything to him, from meeting simon all the through his on and off behavior. by the end könig looked upset on your behalf, shaking his head.

"if he cannot decide if he wants you, then he should leave you alone," he said softly, smiling under his mask with a crinkle of his eyes, "that way someone who knows that they want you can move in!"

that was one thing you liked about könig, he was actually open to communicate his thoughts and feelings with you. he told you were pretty, how he liked your laugh, how much he enjoyed your company and was excited to see you again when you both had time.

simon was closed off. he was quiet, mostly listening rather than talking. but he listened well. you remember mentioning that you broke your lamp and had bought a new one but couldn't figure out how to set it up. a week later, after a nice evening spent in bed together, you woke up to find him sitting on your living room floor putting together that lamp for you.

even though könig was...lovely. there was something about simon that was so intoxicating that you couldn't seem to let it go. but also the sex with simon was....spectacular. you never had a man so eager to make you cum until you were incoherent — never had a man who could.

and könig was....traditional. slow. he wanted to date for a long time before jumping into bed. he wanted to properly court you and go through a whole process. which you respected but...you were impatient. greedy.

it wasn't like könig was against you seeing simon. he had told you that you were free to do what you wished, but unless you made it official with the other man he was not going to back down from trying to court you.

so when simon called on you again a couple nights later, you answered.

he was glaring when he opened the door for you, motioning for you to enter before shutting and locking the door.

"why didn't you answer?" he grilled. clearly you ignoring his call when you were with könig annoyed him more than you thought.

you raised an eyebrow before slowly answering, "i was on a date, simon."

that seemed to make him freeze where he stood, eyes narrowing even more into a glare.

"a date?" he spat, "with who? you don't need to go on any dates, you're with me."

that made you roll your eyes so hard it nearly gave you a headache, "a nice guy named könig. simon, i'm not even sure you like me beyond wanting sex. i want a boyfriend." you huffed, "and clearly you don't want that!"

"oh yeah? then why are you here instead of with your boyfriend?" he hissed the last word in disgust.

"we're not official. he hasn't asked but we've been...seeing each other." you decided simply.

at that, simon jerked his mask over his mouth to kiss you in that heated way that made your legs tremble, "does he fuck you as good as i do? hm?"

that got your attention, a sly smile coming to your lips as he worked you out of your clothes.

he was jealous. this revelation was exhilarating to you. simon, the guy who acted like he couldn't care less about you, was actually jealous that you were seeing another guy!

the sex that night was as phenomenal as usual and more. he spent a good half of it with his head between your thighs, pinning you down with strength alone as he ate you to orgasm after orgasm until your cum was a sticky, stringy mess on his lips and chin.

then he worked you to two more orgasms on his cock, the last one he hadn't even needed to touch your clit before you were creaming around him with a sweet little squeal.

simon had a point to prove. you were his and he was not going to lose you to some asshole. deep down, he knew he didn't deserve you and that he should let the better man have you but he just couldn't. he needed you. he wanted you. he was selfish and greedy.

simon disappeared after that. but for once had actually communicated what was going on — deployment, he said. didn't know how long he would be gone. he had actually gave you a goodbye kiss that left you spinning.

the next time you saw simon, you were on a date with könig. it was a quaint little bar that könig said he liked. so there you were, sitting across from him at a booth, nursing a drink and softly talking with one another.

you didn't even know simon was back. he hadn't said anything. when he walked into the bar, his eyes scanned the place like they always did before landing on you.

his gaze lit up as he took a step towards you but quickly halted when he saw you were sitting across from another man. but that didn't stop him for long.

you cursed under your breath, catching könig's attention before simon was right there at the end of the table, glaring at könig.

"can we help you...?" könig asked softly, clearly a little nervous.

"hi...simon..." you sighed softly. könig straightened up in his seat at that.

"official yet?" he asked you, ignoring your greeting.

you gritted your teeth, casting a glance towards könig who looked confused.

"no." you answered simply.

with that simon, yanked a chair from a nearby table and sat right at the end of your table. you concealed a groan of despair.

simons glare fixed upon könig, a challenge clear in his stare alone. he reached forward and grabbed your drink from your hand despite your protest, lifting his mask enough to take a sip, the cocky smirk visible briefly on his lips.

könig quickly understood what was going on and his own eyes narrowed into a glare. you could practically see the sparks going off between them and buried your face in your hands.

it was going to be....a painfully long night, you feared.

[sxorpiomooon]

What does your older self wants to say to you? A pac reading<3

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Pile 1-

you need to let go, this is so funny to me given the pile that you guys have chosen has a tattoo of "amor fati" which literally means this. If you've chosen this pile you might have an anxious attachment and some of you need to go off a relationship that you are holding. A japanese song is playing in my head? Sometimes you only hold onto things very tightly because deep down you know that the moment you let go they are going to leave you. Your older self wants you to let go of such relations one particular scenario that I'm getting is of someone being in a toxic relationship being completely dependent on their significant others knowing that the other person might not choose to stay with them once they let go or once they are given the choice to do so. Stop being dependent on people and allow them and give them the space for them to leave you if they wish to do so the only way to understand how much they love is by giving them the space to leave then only you know that they truly do love you. The other people in this pile need to know that all relations require space and time for both individuals to grow individually too. Only when you have enough space and time to grow individually you can contribute something to the relation. Some of you might have ashlesha nakshatra. Also take care of yourself by yourself your older self really wants you to take care of your hair lmao I keep hearing "wash up wash up" I'm also seeing fishes for some reason those orange ones I don't know what they're called? You might love them now or definitely own them in the future. Your older self also wants you to know that the cycle ends with you. Breaking off from the generation trauma cycle seems to be a very important theme here. I see y'all are already very cool but are even cooler in the future man I'm not gonna lie I also keep hearing alt for some reason whether it's for songs or fashion but y'all are gonna be fucking cool in the future man. Be resilient I have full faith in you pile 1 do it for the super cool you. I also see this pile moving out of this house if they haven't alr I keep getting japan again and again but y'all gonna live a pretty great lifestyle also reminded of lucky from the blue sisters novel? Thankyou!!

Pile 2-

this pile might have the tendency to overreact at that exact moment when they are faced with a problem. Their emotions at times might make it hard for them to actually get a good grasp on the situation. Your older self wants you to learn to differentiate between illusion and intuition lmao. I also had a vision of someone journaling so I think the older self might want you guys to write it down before reacting or coming to a conclusion on any sort of situation. I also think that writing it down might make it easy or better for you to feel and understand your emotions better and the problem as well. This pile also needs to focus on their unconscious mind? If you are manifesting something you might have some biases already that you need to pay attention to. This pile might also easily interpret things and get confused. Your older self wants you to follow your heart I heard "it will lead you to the right path" and right after this "sometimes to run is the brave thing" played in my head from its time to go by Taylor swift. You need to act on whatever feelings you have some of you might write and be confused about whether it's good or not or some confusion related to it here's your answer- it is<3 go ahead and follow your heart pile two it will never lead you to the wrong path in the long end. I also heard "beauty and art is everywhere" this pile needs to follow their passion. Lord this is ending on such a good note. Your older self also wants you to know that you should not fear bc all your hardwork will pay off<3 all your hardwork and sacrifices will pay off and you'll get the success that you desire and want. This was also a pile that I chose and I needed to hear this<3

Pile 3-

The time or whatever you are going through will not be wasted. The journey is there to prepare you and give you the experiences that you need to get to the level that you want to achieve in your life. This pile might be going through some hard things. This pile also needs to know that you cannot force anyone to grow early or to change early or hurry up some process everything has its own time be patient a delay does not mean a no. This pile also needs to come face to face with their problems and fear only then they'll be able to move past it. "The only way out is through" "change is the only constant thing in life" "no one else can do it for you" are the things that I'm hearing. This pile knows what's needed to be done but might fear the unknown. A big transformation that is much needed is coming after that I see a wonderful new beginning for you<3

thankyou!!

[impishjesters]

hii can you please do jax x shapeshifter reader hcs/short story (your choice)... like they dont have a "normal" form nn can turn into anything they wanted to i think thatd be cool /nf

warning(s): Jax, mentioned using someone's fear as a prank note(s): I wasn't sure how to list the prank, it's probably considered particularly cruel given it's using Ragatha's fear of centipedes as entertainment A/N: I think having the ability to shape-shift and be friends with Jax is such a violently chaotic blend, and honestly I'm here for it. Gotta get your fun somehow.

To be honest, Jax questions whether you’re actually a human or not at first

It wouldn’t be the first time Caine decided to throw something new at them, though usually it’s a game or activity and not another…person?

Like obviously you don’t look like the wooden doll NPCs, but you can just uh, change what you wanna look like?

He’s entirely convinced you’re just some fancier NPC for a hot minute before you start to react in a very non-NPC way

Those wooden dolls don’t particularly do much, and they sure as hell can’t speak

The first thing Jax tries to do is rope you into his messing around with the others—just think of it, you can turn into whatever you want which means even more hilarious possibilities for pranking the others!

Now if you aren’t like Jax and deny helping him, he’ll still find ways to use your shape-shifting abilities to his enjoyment.

Even if it doesn’t result in a prank, it’d still be hilarious to see you shift into something that ends up scaring someone else or just overall causing chaos to whatever awful domino effect might happen (I mean look at the Kaufmo situation, shit went downhill real fast unintentionally)

He’s not going to be aggressive or forceful but he’ll still throw out that the two of you would make a great team in entertainment

And if you like causing hell then this baby is just like a kid on Christmas, as mentioned above he’ll use your ability to shape-shift into things that’ll entertain him—and well by proxy you

Like the time you guys fucked with Kinger

He had you shape-shift to look like himself and engage in a convo with Kinger, and when the convo ended he came over and started up a conversation, acting as if he hadn’t seen the old coot in a hot minute. Kinger was very very lost—Ragatha didn’t find it that funny

Nor did she find it funny the time you turned into a large centipede-like creature and scared the ever-loving shit out of her

Okay maybe you felt a tad bad, and sure it definitely had her loathing you for a bit—but she’s definitely grown more on guard with you around

Overall Jax finds it kind of interesting that unlike them, you are able to sort of pick and choose what you wanna look like. The two of you no doubt spent hours just watching you cycle through and test just what kind of stuff you could change into.

Caine still isn’t sure how that happened to be completely honest, you’re an enigma to him and he doesn’t like that

Jax won’t say it but he’s only a little weirded out when you’ve made yourself look like him, he knows what he looks like—there are reflective surfaces, but it’s just…weird

[redactedshapes]

Early drafts/unused content in other languages

redditor AloysHellsalem posted about certain text strings that exist in localized files but are missing from English ones. So I took a look at the Spanish string table and tried translating them - these are machine translations, so they are bad and also funny (sometimes).

All of these seem to be some sort of very, very early draft given the number at the end of the speaker's name and because they don't even have corresponding text-to-speech files unlike files from demos/proof of concept.

More of a fun thing than anything else.

Most of them are from Saga's side of the story.

AMBIENT DIALOGUE - RETURN 2

CASEY_4585: I found more of those knit ornaments near [Witch’s] Ladle. The cult has been around here. SAGA_4586: Do you think they’re the ones behind all this? Dead people coming back to life certainly sounds like cult material. CASEY_4587: It feels like they’re connected. We need more evidence. CASEY_4588: Do you really think a ritual will do something? SAGA_4589: My rational brain says no, but maybe it’s time I leave it on the backseat. CASEY_4590: I’ve certainly had cases that made sanity look like a sick joke. SAGA_4591: I can’t believe you knew what Ikea was. CASEY_4592: What? A guy like me can’t have affordable furniture?

Original text:

PROFILING CASEY - RETURN 6

SAGA_4984: What’s happening to Casey? CASEY_4985: I can’t turn into one of them. I won’t. Fuck it. I’ll go to hell before I turn into one of those soulless demons. CASEY_4986: Well, I guess that’s literally what they are: demons.

That last sentence may be a weird translation on my part. I'm not sure how to make it make sense.

Original text:

Leaving the full string here, Saga profiling Casey about him feeling like a fictional character?:

MP_RE06_CASEY_FICTIONAL_SAGA_4987: being a fictional character. MP_RE06_CASEY_FICTIONAL_CASEY_4988: Was I even who I thought I was, or just an average detective torn from the pages of a bunch of mediocre crime novels? Did I exist in printing ink like I did in real life?, and vice versa? The thought always bothered me. The jokes. The similarities. The constant feeling that no amount of coffee could drown.

Original text:

There're lines that look like bullet points or just rough ideas, like the last one here:

SAGA_6910: What’s happening to Casey? CASEY_6911: Casey is turning into a taken, blame Alan Wake for it WAKE_SAGA_6912: Wake WAKE_CASEY_6913: Casey never liked Wake, even before all this. References to cult case in New York

Original text:

PROFILING ESTEVEZ RETURN 6

This looks like a very early draft of Kiran having a girl crush deputizing Saga into the FBC.

SAGA_4989: The FBC. ESTEVEZ_4990: Saga Anderson, she’d be a great FBC agent. She clearly has what it takes: wit, guts and drive. And she’s not backing down from a paranatural fight. I can appreciate that. ESTEVEZ_4991: I should give her the recruitment (draft?) pitch. She’d be a great asset. SAGA_4992: I guess I should be flattered.

Original text:

SAGA_4993: What’s this “AWE”? ESTEVEZ_4994: What reactivated the AWE in Bright Falls? Does the threshold below the lake work in cycles or does it have a trigger? ESTEVEZ_4995: Whatever it is, it seemed more powerful than ever. SAGA_4996: The “threshold” in Cauldron Lake. That’s where I have to go.

Original text:

The following one is nearly incomprehensible

SAGA_6914: Parautilitarians ESTEVEZ_6915: Estevez relives a trauma, says the area of parautilitarians susceptible to supernatural forces (???)

SAGA_6916: doesn’t wake up ESTEVEZ_6917: They told Estevez the Dark Presence can steal forms, making it difficult to know who to trust SAGA_6918: Dark Place ESTEVEZ_6919: Estevez doesn’t know much, other than those who go there generally don’t come back.

PROFILING TOR AND ODIN - RETURN 5

Lots of fun tidbits

SAGA_3003: Where is Tor? TOR_3004:... Polaris ... in a web of hypocrisy. ODIN_3005: Take ... Control. duh duh duhuhuh. Take ... Control ... TOR_3006: Take ... Control. duh duh duhuhuh. Take ... Control …

SAGA_3012: The girl in the painting. ODIN_3013: I won’t remove it. That’s our family. Your (his?) daughter. TOR_3014: She left us! She took Saga and fucked off! So take that damn thing! I don’t wanna see her face!

MP_RE05_TOR_MOTHER_SAGA_3069: My mother. TOR_3070: But I wasn’t made to be a dad. I’m a god of rock! I can take the sky, rock stadiums but can’t change a diaper! TOR_3071: My life is a fucking storm. Freya deserved better. TOR_3072: It broke my heart, but I was proud of her for leaving. She could take care of herself. And her little girl. Saga will be a fucking star. I saw it the day she was born.

SAGA_3074: My dad. TOR_3075: …If she goes with you, she can never come back! It’s a one way trip for her. And I’m not letting a punk take me (?)! UNKNOWN_3076: (STATIC) TOR_3077: Freya isn’t ready for a nursing home. We kept it hidden for a reason! If you try this, I’ll hit you so hard with my hammer there won’t be any door left to open!

PROFILING TOR AND ODIN - RETURN 9

Now, these are super interesting :)

SAGA_5287: Mr. Door. TOR_5288: Freya couldn’t trust that bastard! He wouldn’t have stayed anyways! It’s not in his nature! We had to go! ROSE_5289: Tor, you’re scaring the other residents. I need you to put down that hammer. TOR_5290: A father needs to protect his kids, dammit! The door is a fucking spider and I’ll be damned if I was going to let my little girl get caught on its fucking web.

MP_RE09_ODIN_01_DOOR_SAGA_5293: Mr Door. ODIN_5294: I just can’t let you play with her heart. It’s nothing personal. DOOR_5295: Do you realize Freya will never forgive either of you for this? ODIN_5296: You’re not wrong, but… neither is my brother. Today you’re here, you’re Martin’s door, but eventually you’ll leave it behind and she won’t know why. Better she hate us than she hates herself. DOOR_5297: Then let’s see what you and your drunk brother can do.

Weird translation that last one.

The text for "I can't let you play with her heart" can be translated more literally to "I simply can't make you play with her heart." Which doesn't make sense, at least not without more context.

The line about Martin was probably meant to say "You're Martin Door".

There're a few other tidbits but none as interesting (in my opinion) as these ones.

[leupagus]

Half of this fic is just me looking for more excuses to put in all the cool women that the show wrote out

Still working on the next chapter for the GOT rewrite from hell, but I had to write a little about how the fuck menstruation works in Westeros (other than "oh you can get married now!" which I refuse to believe is the norm) and also to introduce the Sphinx:

The next morning, Shireen woke up to find blood on her shift and a sharp sort of twist in her stomach, as though she'd swallowed a molten pin. The blood came out easily enough, with frantic scrubbing in the basin, but the pain grew over the course of the morning.

"It's your flowering," said Maester Alleras briskly, when she went to him in a tightly-controlled panic. "How old are you?"

"Fourteen," said Shireen, realizing the date. Her nameday had passed two weeks ago.

"And what do you know of flowering?" he asked, smiling slightly at her blush. "Forgive me, but Northerners have queer ideas of teaching their children about these matters. I do not wish to presume your level of education."

"I know it can last for a week or more," Shireen said, thinking of Mother's cycles, how she would confine herself to her rooms to endure the pain in solitude and prayer. "It's very painful and disgusting, but it allows me to bear my future husband's children and therefore is a gift from the gods."

"Hmm. Well, that is what you were taught, at least," grunted the maester. He got up from his desk, rummaging through the cupboard behind him. He was a tall, skinny young man with the deep brown skin and tightly-coiled hair of a Summer Islander, and shared their fondness for brightly-colored nails: they seemed to dance along the shelves until he plucked out a jar and presented it to her with a flourish. "This will help with the pain, and stop the bleeding after this cycle. People of the North use it a great deal."

"Is it moon tea?" Shireen asked, taking it gingerly and wondering at Maester Alleras's use of the term Northerners, which sounded different from People of the North. Perhaps in the Summer Isles, everyone on Westeros was a Northerner. "Why do they use it so much here?"

"It is," he confirmed, "and as for why..." He shrugged. "I've only just arrived in Winterfell, you understand, and as you may have guessed—" this said with another smile— "I was born elsewhere. But from what I've gathered, they must be careful when they have children. The North can only feed so many."

Shireen thought of Fire & Blood, which Father had read to her as a child. The Winter Wolves had been a company of Northerners, who had answered Lord Cregan's call to fulfill the Pact of Ice and Fire with Rhaenyra Targaryen. They'd been greybeards who had knowingly marched to their deaths, for such was the custom of the North back then: at the start of each winter, the old men of each keep and castle and holdfast would choose amongst themselves who would go out into the snows. Some would return home in the spring, having endured the cold or escaped it to find their fortunes in southron lands; most would not.

"Put a thimbleful of this into whatever tea you like best," Maester Alleras continued, gesturing at the jar, his fingernails catching the light as it streamed into the rookery. "Once a day, and come back when you need more."

"Shouldn't I ask—" Shireen bit her lip.

But the maester caught her meaning; his eyes narrowed. "Shouldn't you ask your parents? Yes, I suppose you should. But they should be here to be asked, and they should have told you the truth."

"What's the truth?" Shireen asked, instead of admitting that Mother and Father had never told her anything about it. She couldn't imagine either of them even mentioning the subject. All her information had come from books, or from Mother's complaints.

"The truth is that if a cycle is painful and lasts for a week or more, that is the sign of an illness, not the will of a god. The truth is that you may well find it disgusting, but it is merely something our bodies do and should never be a source of disgust or shame to you or anyone else." He glared, though it did not seem directed at her. "And as for 'bearing your future husband's children,' the truth is that they are your children, just as much as his — indeed more so, unless he carries them about for the first nine months after their birth. But you will not be a woman grown for at least another two years, and any man who wishes you to bear children until at least that time is unworthy of your hand or your love." He sat back down, his half-dozen maester's links chiming musically. "Now run along, little princess."

Lady Sansa was just outside the door, with her brother beside her. "See, I told you she smelled funny," Rickon said triumphantly.

Shireen scowled at him. "Shut up." It was kind of him, she supposed, to have worked out that something was wrong and to wait for her outside the maester's chambers. But Rickon Stark was the sort of friend who was difficult to be grateful for.

"Yes, please do, Rickon," Lady Sansa said, pressing a businesslike kiss on the crown of Rickon's head before turning him round by the shoulders and pushing him down the corridor. Rickon protested, but went all the same, and Lady Sansa turned back to Shireen. "Moon tea?" she asked, nodding at the jar.

Shireen resisted the impulse to hide it somehow. It is merely something our bodies do and should never be a source of disgust or shame. "Yes, my lady," she said.

"Come along, then," said Lady Sansa. "I have some excellent tea from the Arbor. How does that sound?"

"Could I have a hot water-skin, too?" Shireen asked, as Lady Sansa looped her arm through hers.

"Of course. And the lemon trees in the greenhouse have given up their first fruits — we'll have lemon cakes for lunch instead of venison." She smiled and Shireen thought that even if Sansa Stark never took another husband or had children of her own, she was still all the mother that the North ever would need.

[yuurivoice]

Watching you hold your boundaries firm on what kinds of behavior are acceptable and appreciated from some of your uhh...fans (? I don't know, the behavior is weirdly beggy and diggy and I hesitate to believe they actually like the basics of what you're doing and making with that kind of behavior, but I'm digressing) is always refreshing and reaffirming that I'm not crazy for thinking some fandom behavior is Not It. You're doing great, and thanks for everything you do provide. I'm glad you get to live off of your passion and creativity.

I'm sure someone will chalk this up to "obsessed fan just encourages their fav" but I think the folks who haven't been huffing their own farts can recognize the point you're making. And that's what it boils down to. I've been through this cycle dozens of times now and it has cultivated a fairly mature, chill, and stable fandom. Because fandom isn't just the most active posters, or the latest oddball that stands out. It's the folks who are steadily around, engaging in more ways than the most direct or me-centric. And people who aren't looking for the uwu voice boy, fantasy lewd e boy, or any other flavor of whatever dozens of masc voiced people think is gonna net them a worthwhile following. I'm happy it works for them. I think I'm doing okay over here.

Also, this is just a bonus thought...

I have been making explicitly NSFW content for long enough that if anyone says "what if this character had a little sister" I don't immediately go awwww what a cute, innocent idea...because I've been subjected to levels of depravity you couldn't imagine.

I shut down basically any pitches about characters having additional family, or children, etc. because I have answered harmless shit that ended up not being just......normal. Just a whole other thing to consider, which is like...a horrifying thought, but it's why I typically just blanket nope the whole thing. 😵‍💫

Or, what if there's a lurking minor who wants to insert some sort of big bro Seth narrative just for their own innocent enjoyment? Like...fine, but also do NOT bring that anywhere near me.

There are so many reasons I balk at certain types of questions and behaviors, and it's backed up by lived (and often really fucking uncomfortable) experiences.

There's a method to my madness, I swear.

[katyahina]

It is really interesting to speculate about the meaning of this.. Messengers are associated with the dreaming Hunters and the Dream, but what if those of them who are too far from the Dream are under a lot of strain and the image of the nice person that cared for them is just the only thing they can rely on?

^ In regards to Doll being a 'vessel' of Moon Presence in some regard, this reminds me of Crawlers, other Nightmare creatures! Their larger variants have multiple Messengers sticking out of their guts. I have a personal headcanon on them, but imagine: whereas Winter Lanterns imitate the Doll (and by doing so, Moon Presence), Crawlers are meant to imitate corpse of Kos with the ripped guts. Both are sort of mockery from the Great Ones. A sort of punishment maybe, because if Messengers are souls of the deceased, could Messengers crampled into Crawlers or Winter Lanterns be somehow "failed" spirits? Ones that are yet still to "atone", or, in the case of Moon Presence, ones not taking part in the cycle of the Hunt for one reason or another?

(Retranslation script I always use: ( x ) Internal filenames: ( x ))

Hunters of Hunters had reasons to believe in "proper" burial that further connected to the Hunter's Dream, and Winter Lanterns are referred to be 'failed' Messengers! It might be extention of that fucked up concept of people being cursed for not being properly buried in the eyes of whatever God.

Doll and Gehrman both have interesting connection with the Nightmare Realm, too! Gehrman, strangely, shares the cry with Orphan of Kos, but even if that's to be blamed on simple reuse of assets he still more strangely feels relief after OoK is freed! Whatever prompted that link but who is to tell that spiritual connection with a Great One he helped to torture would not guarantee his own negative emotions helped to give "shape" to Nightmare? It is a lot of power, and the Doll is probably a horrible memory. Maybe the blood and guts' on the dress of Winter Lanterns is a reflection of his pain, memory of an innocent person he trained to be a ruthless murderer, thus ruining that soft version of her and... it didn't end well for Maria, did it?

Alllllright, and before I devolved into a crying cat meme- Doll, strangely, is asleep sometimes, which a doll should not... need? Meanwhile, we find Maria asleep too. I've always loved the idea of their spiritual connection where when one is asleep another is awake, and vice-versa! Ideally, Maria would die and be "reborn" within the Doll, in a way. Could be a spiritual thing of latching onto an object that resembles you (Doll also has Maria's brooch, boots and ribbon but in her hat now ( x )). Or could be Moon Presence's way to further "glorify" her as one of the greatest Hunters. Because, she is Flora of the Hunt. In any case, Kos said no, so Maria's soul is in two states... Winter Lanterns are amalgamation of the two, as well - a gentle singing woman in a dress, but also this dress is bloodied and the woman is aggressive, and don't forget Kin metamorphosis because both Maria and the Doll are close to Eldrich Horrors now!

I don't have much to elaborate on other options as they are much more self-explanatory! Paleblood Hunter wakes up without memories, so Doll could be the most striking person for them, but who is to tell other people would not see THEIR comfort person terribly distorted in Winter Lanterns' place? My personal opinion though is that heads of melted Messengers is a crucial part here.. but I think ALL variants could work so well that seeking 'logical' appeal is pointless ;-; It boils down to what feels more appealing, I suppose..

[oddballwriter]

Do you write smut? 👀

If yes, what about trying for a baby with the moon Boys

Warnings: Reader has afab anatomy but gender and pronouns are never said. The moon boys being horny. Unprotected sex. Listen read the request, you can piece it all together  

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Steven Grant

I've mentioned before that Steven would love having a child with you so when you say that you want to try for a baby he's overjoyed because he finally gets to be a father

But then of course, you need to try for a baby

Steven actually looks into the best ways to make sure that you can conceive the baby

I've said before that Steven knows your cycle for the sake of taking care of you when your period comes, but now he's using your cycle to know when your ovulating and more able to conceive

Steven is sweet and gentle with you, like he always is. He doesn't really see a need to try and really get it in since you guys have prepped for this to give you the best chances of getting pregnant

He does ramble a bit during though, gently rolling his hips and talking about how lovely you'll look and how great it will be to start a family with you

Marc Spector

I like to think that Marc goes about it in a more simple way

Marc doesn't really plan like Steven does, I actually think he would find that sort of weird

I think the plan for him is just you getting off whatever birth control you're on and not using any condoms and then just goes about life like normal

You two just have sex when you guys feel up for it

No real planning. If you have dry weeks then you have dry weeks. And if you guys just have a week where you guys are all over each other then there you go

He does butter you up a little during the sex talking about how great of a parent you'll be and that you'll look so nice pregnant with his baby

In all honestly when that's happening, he's just rambling but outside of the bedroom he actually says that he's happy to be doing this and starting this kind of life with you

Jake Lockley

Okay Jake is a straight-up dog with it

As soon as you say you want to have a baby with him he just goes for it

Let's face it, Jake never used condoms in the first place so you were probably on some kind of birth control

As soon as you are officially off your BC, he just lets it all go

It is on sight every time and anywhere in the house honestly

Jake, of course, is so ready to be a dad and have a baby with you and has honestly been waiting to give you his babies

But he's gotta get you pregnant first and he's doing that like he's getting fucking PAID per round

Jake wants to be a dad, he's always horny, and he is highly susceptible to baby fever

The is a triple threat /j

[anon-e-miss]

Rebirth

This goes back to 2020. It's old as fuck. I don't expect anyone to remember or to find the original parts so, here, I dug through my archive on your behalf. XD

Considering the trauma Bluestreak had undergone, he was holding up incredibly well. It was Prowl, Jazz thought, that that was the reason for this. There were other Praxians in Iacon and even among the Autobots but there was only one Prowl. He was wholly unique. Many of the Autobots that served under the SIC called him cold and unfeeling and many more called him a drone. They sneered at the joors he spent glued to his desk never bothering to consider that he spent those joors trying to keep their ungrateful afts alive. Prowl care more carefully than any mechanism Jazz had ever met. Despite Prowl’s huff at Jazz’s observation that he was good with sparklings, it had not come out of left field. Jazz was not in denial, he knew his twins were scamps but Prowl endured their antics with a beatific grace and even encouraged their hobbies with little gifts, not only for holidays but just because.

“So Blue,” Jazz said as he set up the Tilting Tower for their next game. “‘M thinking wit the help Prowl is gonna need for the next bit, ‘m gonna need to move’m in wit me. What do ya think ‘bout joinin’ us? I got two mechlings yer age. They got lots o’ toys to share.”

“I don’t have to go into an orphanage?” Bluestreak asked, optics bright and hopeful.

“Not a chance,” Jazz replied. “Prowl would scrap anyone who suggested it, ‘n I’d scrap what was left. If ya got kin that weren’t in Praxus, Sweetspark, we’ll find’em. Otherwise or until then, ya got a home wit Prowl.”

“I don’t have kin,” Bluestreak said. He made a face and Jazz frowned. It was not the grief Jazz knew would haunt him on some level for the rest of his cycles. It was different.

“Is there somethin’ Bitty Blue?” Jazz asked. “That maybe ya outta tell me?”

“It was always just me and Origin,” Bluestreak explained, he turned one of the blocks over in his servos. “I’m a bastard.”

“No, Sweetspark,” Jazz crooned. “Never say that ‘bout yerself.”

“Origin wasn’t bonded when I emerged,” Bluestreak said. “The mech that sired me didn’t want me and my grandprocreators disowned Origin when he wouldn’t leave me at the orphanage. It was always just us. Forever.”

“That’s heavy, Bitty Blue,” Jazz said. “Y’re progenitor missed out on ya. Y’re a great little mech. But what ya aren’t is a bastard. Y’re illegitimate, okay, Sweetspark? That glyph, bastard, is meant to tear ya down ‘n make ya think y’re less ‘n ya ain’t.”

“Thanks Jazz,” Bluestreak sniffled. He knocked the blocks over as he came in and wrapped his arms around Jazz’s waist in a fierce hug as he cried against his plating. Jazz stroked his back.

“Been happenin’ all yer life, h’uh?” Jazz asked. “Mechanisms treatin’ ya ‘n yer origin like ya was less?”

“Mhm,” Bluestreak replied.

“Not gonna happen here,” Jazz promised. “They wouldn’t dare.”

“Why not?” Bluestreak asked.

“Only Bot got more power here than Prowl is Prime, Blue,” Jazz said. “He’s Second in Command. When Bots fall outta line, it’s Prowl that puts them back into place ‘n no Bot tests him twice.”

“That makes him sound mean,” Bluestreak complained. “Prowl’s not mean!”

“Prowl ain’t mean at all,” Jazz promised. “He’s firm ‘n he’s fair. Mecha don’t like gettin’ embarrassed ‘n Prowl’s real good at findin’ punishments that put the nastiest sorts o’ bullies in their place. Only mecha to razz ‘m on the regular are my twins ‘n he gives ‘em presents ‘cause he knows they’re playin’.”

“Will they razz me?” Bluestreak asked.

“I hope so,” Jazz replied. “It’d mean they like ya. That’s why they razz Prowler as much as they do.”

“Okay,” Bluestreak said. “Prowl’s a good mech. Isn’t he?”

“One o’ the best I ever met.”

Prowl was alert when Ratchet wheeled him back in, as if he had not just undergone six joors of surgery. That was a quirk of Prowl’s Jazz was familiar with, he brushed off anaesthetics and painkillers quick. Bluestreak sat back with Jazz as Ratchet saw Prowl transferred from the gurney to the berth. As soon as Prowl was settled, Bluestreak scrambled up onto the berth with him and cuddled in close as he dared. Prowl rumbled his engine and ruffled Bluestreak’s helm. As important for Bluestreak’s recovery as Prowl was, Jazz thought Bluestreak was for Prowl’s. Of course, Prowl was not showing it, but Jazz knew the slaughter of his home state weighed heavy on him. He had not stopped to rest at all after he had landed in Praxus. It had taken him a long time, longer than it ever would have a drone, to conclude there would be no survivors. A drone would then have left the dead where they have been laid out but Prowl had ordered the grave be dug.

Jazz did not know what it was about that spot that had made Prowl choose it for the grave site, but he believed it was not simple luck that had made the Autobots dig so deep in just that one perfect spot. Neither did he believe it was just bad luck that had made the ground and the window give way under Prowl, leading him to fall into the catacombs and to ultimately find Bluestreak. Jazz believed a power beyond them, the will Bluestreak’s origin, the will of their ancestors, that had lured Prowl to just that spot. Prowl had been meant to find Bluestreak and Prowl alone. This, Jazz believed deep in his spoke.

“How long does Ratchet wanna keep ya?” Jazz asked.

“Just a mega-cycle,” Prowl replied.

“He’s gonna want someone lookin’ out for ya so ya can rest those new treads,” Jazz declared.

“Yes,” Prowl replied. “I know you have assigned yourself that role.”

“Natch. I been gone more than a bit,” Jazz said. “I cleared it wit Blue. While y’re healin’ the pair o’ ya can move in wit me so ya can take it easy.”

“Jazz...” It was a coolly yet quickly spoken glyph, an anxious warning Jazz had heard before. He smiled and squeezed Prowl’s leg.

“It’d be dicey for me to run back ‘n forth between y’re sweet ‘n mine nonstop ‘n I gotta think o’ the Twins too,” Jazz replied. “It just makes sense for the mechs that care ‘bout ya to take care o’ ya, Prowler.”

“Your originator is already living with you,” Prowl argued. “You cannot have the space.”

“It’ll be a lil cozy but I know I done worse,” Jazz declared. “We all have. Ain’t a burden, Prowl. Don’t think I don’t know exactly what y’re thinkin’.”

[gender-trash]

like the grand innovation of ros is that actually now 1) you don't have to rewrite your MESSAGING FRAMEWORK from scratch every time and you get a bunch of debug tools for free and 2) theres a bunch of prototype grade components you can probably plug together to get a demo if you know what you're doing

it's great but it's not like. whatever's going on in webservices world. and the webservices people and vcs who are used to it HATE this!!! i interned for a really crappy startup once whose entire concept was "hey, why is robotics not like webservices? clearly we need to reimplement ros but worse and dockerized lol what's hard realtime" and it so clearly had only survived as long as it had because it was The Baby of this VC guy who tried to sell me on javascript like it was an abusive boyfriend i should give ~another chance~, and right after i left they hired a new ceo and pivoted to having an actual product. theres ALLLL these guys coming from webservices land who want to pretend really hard that a malfunctioning robot is exactly as disposable as a malfunctioning docker container, and that gluing together preexisting robotics components (largely research-grade code developed on a completely different robot from whatever your product is) is exactly as easy as gluing together APIs, and it ends so badly for them every time. it's adorable.

relatedly my dad has this theory, which i think has a lot of predictive power, about how a company Makes It Big doing one thing (SAAS, or online ads, or B2B software, or like. making computer chips) and then that product cycle cadence/approach is baked into the company culture so hard that they completely flub it when they try to make something that necessitates a different approach. intel fucking sucks at making software because they inevitably drop support after 18 months because when you make a chip you design it and you send it to the fab and then it's out of your hands and there's no real way to "fix bugs" (you just maintain an errata sheet and add more tests so you can catch the bugs in the next chip you design). webservices companies who do continuous deployment or bust are often really really bad at coping with the sales and maintenance cycles of Big Businesses that a lot of b2b software is for. and software people in full generality have a ridiculously hard time with the concept that you can't exactly continuously deploy improved suspension for your robot chassis, because you have to actually crack the robot open on a workbench and swap it out.

in microservices world one of the baked-in cultural attitudes is "cattle not pets" -- your herd of docker containers is like a herd of cattle; when one of them malfunctions you take it out back and shoot it and spin up a new one, you don't waste energy on failure recovery. when you bring this approach to robotics land it inevitably fails! you have spent 4 or 5 figures minimum on a robot, that thing's a fucking pet! and also, when it malfunctions, it's flailing around potentially doing damage out here in the real world, which is... generally considered to be bad. there have to be layers and layers and layers of safety systems and fallbacks and failure recovery logic and everything needs to be designed to fail into a state that won't maim anyone, or it inevitably will fail, and maim someone. even just "if something goes wrong stop moving immediately" has some complexity to it.

webservices people are also big on "eventual consistency" and almost nothing in robotics is physically safe to do on an eventual consistency basis or else your robot will eventually (but consistently!) destroy itself and/or anything around it. the closer you get to low level control the more important it is to have hard timing guarantees and that's generally sort of antithetical to the philosophy that hardware should be as abstracted away as possible

[lonelyroommp3]

☕️ Musical from the last 5 years (lol) that i should listen to

my god *i* don't even really listen to many musicals from the last five years because i sort of stopped paying attention after like 2019 when the MT fandom on here died down considerably. yes i work in musical theatre. don't look at me

okay here are some of my suggestions in no particular order based on shows i've actually managed to listen to and enjoy

sing street - one of the great theatrical casualties of covid - the cast literally moved into the theatre on the day the broadway shutdown started and the subsequently postponed bway transfer has just never materialised. they did have an out of town production in 2022 though :)) anyway, love this album, one of the few MT cast recordings that makes it onto my general listening playlists because several of the songs also work really well as standalone pop tunes

& juliet - if you just want to have a silly fun time listening to a jukebox musical this is thee one. bonkers little plot but it's packed with bangers throughout and repurposes its pop soundtrack into a musical theatre context in ways that range from unexpectedly genius (turning britney's "i'm not a girl, not yet a woman" into a nonbinary anthem) to really stupid in the funniest way possible (an entire character is named just to set up a *NSYNC joke)

kimberley akimbo - 2023 best musical winner, a solid example of the typical contemporary musical theatre sound which handily fulfills both the niche of "i enjoy shows like dear evan hansen and want another emotional teen story" and "i want more good meaty lead roles for older actresses"

a strange loop - 2022 best musical winner, a meta show about a fat black queer man who works as a theatre usher and is writing a musical about a fat black queer man writing a musical. filled with commentary about race and sexuality, definitely one for if you want your musicals to be thought & discussion provoking

shows i've not personally listened to for whatever reason but i've heard good things

operation mincemeat - i've heard nothing but hype about this show to the point where it's actually put me off seeing it. so of course i am perpetuating the cycle by recommending it to you without ever having listened to it

standing at the sky's edge - another west end show that i have heard so many good things about and not got around to seeing. so here you go. blind rec. fuck it

octet - i kind of went off dave malloy entirely around 2018 through zero fault of his own, god bless him, just because many of his fans were still being so annoying about the 2017 tonys. but i've heard good things about this show and maybe i need to actually get over myself and give it a listen

message for the masses if i didn't include your fave show or included something i hate it's because it's 10pm and i wanted to answer this quickly so i just skimmed wikipedia for musicals from 2019-2024 and thought oh yeah i know enough about that one to talk about it. i will have forgotten things. don't @ me please i beg you

[prettynalilmagic]

ℙ𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝕒 ℂ𝕒𝕣𝕕: 𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕕𝕠𝕨 𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕜

I believe me and everyone else should be focused on shadow work, because it's a new year and I know shadow work doesn't sound fun but in my opinion its more fulfilling than love readings because there's already so much of those on any tarot platform/community.

Pick a Pile from 1-2-3-4

Pile one

Bride in a Cage

With the deck I use for the overall tone of the reading an oracle deck by Laura Sava and its overall meant is to be used for shadow work. And each card has a moon phase attached to each card, the phase attached to your card is Denial. So that's the first thing I noted and the card itself is based on how situation and environment being fulfilled by materials that wont in the long run fix or solve any issues. You can buy certain items that will fill something that is unpleasant till you die and still be unsatisfied with where you are in life. It's a cycle, there's something deep down you don't want to accept weather you know it or not, sometimes we have issues that we cannot see, and that's the sole purpose of therapy and shadow work. There's no shame here, everyone at some point uses something to avoid reality that we find unsatisfying. Now I pulled some more cards from a different deck to support and get more information on what spirt really wants to call out. And overall, I see a lot of personal belief that sometimes it better to see the positive or more so focus on what you can do to walk away from the bad things you are faced with. I think this is something that you learned from a young age where you were shamed by reacting to the negativity that happened. That being any sort of sadness or anger. Yes, being happy and not sad or mad, sounds good at first but that completely neglects the reality of hardships. Your smart about how you react to life, and you understand where when something bad happens, you can avoid being in that victim mode by ignoring whatever that is upsetting. The great thing about life is that life is not black and white. There's a lot of good things that will come your way but in order for you feel fulfilled and appreciative of those things, you have to accept all the bad stuff as well. It's not something that something to avoid. I am getting strongly that pile one is afraid of being pessimistic and that they will do anything to show themselves or others that they are filled with love and good and nothing else, but your human. To be human means to be unperfect. You think strongly that the way you think shapes your reality and yes that is true but there's only so much that can achieve until you have to face truth. Some things can't be fixed with positive thinking and manifestation. Unfortunately, life isn't some LaLa world like that, don't get me wrong, I'm not shitting on positive people, but there is a such thing as toxic positivity. You're stopping your own growth by looking at life through rose-colored glasses. Your shadow wants you to accept being a victim at times and being someone who can be pushed down by something. Understanding where you got hurt is how a real breakthrough can happen, you're not allowing the cycle of acceptance to come through as beautiful as it can.

Pile 2

Sacrifice

Pile two, your shadow wants you to acknowledge that you are suffering for the well-being of something else. And your moon phase is associated with anger, which tells me that while you are acknowledging the suffering you are being subjected to tells me you aren't happy or pleased with it. Kinda like it's an "Oh well what can I do about it, it fucking sucks but it is what it is." That type of vibe. I'm not just pulling an oracle card I am pulling from a separate deck and what I can see that you have basically given up yet there's still this sense of hope that things will change and that whatever situation happened or is happening is making you feel like you have to wait and just continue to be sacrificed till you can leave and move onto better circumstances. But there's also a sense of given up hope it's kind of up and down energy. I had to pull a second shadow card because the energy was little too confusing and I needed more to back up to why the cards were popping up with somewhat different messages, and I got Temple of my body and its essentially telling me that people/situations have/are doing stuff to your body. Something has been making you feel like you cannot win, there's always going to be something that is disrespectful to your own wants and needs in order for them to obtain the power and wants that they desire. This can be anything from school, money, family, love or work. It can be one or multiple things at once or at different points in your life. And it's very overbearing for yourself. It's too many hardships, feeling like you're never going to be able to fulfill something else outside of yourself. That must be so challenging, and you must feel like you have to be as strong as you can be and that you might not be able to. I'm getting maybe you think you're forced to suffer until your old enough to run away from whatever it is that you're sacrificing yourself to. Your shadow wants to advise you that in order to overcome the sacrifices, you need be able to see you don't have to be a worm left out for the birds. You're not a sacrifice, yes it feels like you have to keep doing stuff to just exist whilst still feeling like whatever you do is never enough but learn to structure yourself. How can you slowly overcome this feeling? What I need to do to overcome this feeling? Why am I so depressed and angry about it? Truly dive deep into yourself, because wither or not you are truly stuck, which you most likely are, it won't always be that way. Acknowledge your pain, struggles and see what you can do to overcome it, not avoid it. Or dwell in it. Just understanding what you are able to do silently will give you at least some form of control and I can see that there's clearly very little control you have with where you are in life. What are things that make you feel in control? What makes you feel not in control? Can you overcome it? If not, what can you do besides just see that? You can find little ways to feel a sense of control and relief from just reflecting and doing small things to fulfill your needs in tiny ways. If you need to escape or walk away from something in the future, plan and make goals on what needs to be done in order to be prepared for when that can become your new beginning.

Pile 3

Alone In the world

The phase attached to your card is Acceptance. There's been months, weeks, days, hours, and seconds that you have waited for something. Weather its love from friends, family or a significant other, you have been on edge waiting for some reassurance and presence of hope for love. And nothing really has fulfilled you. Maybe someone did come by, but it wasn't what you thought it would be or maybe no one ever will be able to fulfill you to the extent you have believed you needed. Now your shadow self is saying it hasn't happened, will it happen for you ever? If it does will it be the same as what you have longed for? There's a concerning lack of separation of satisfaction and love, those are two separate things that should not be used to mean the same thing. With love does not fulfill satisfaction. You do not need to be in love or loved to be satisfied, why have you allowed yourself to feel controlled by the presence of love. You should not allow yourself to be bitter, spiteful of life or yourself, you have to learn to see yourself as the one thing that is enough. A person will never be something to fulfill you unless its yourself. You're turning yourself into a victim of loneliness because you're attaching too much value onto someone who isn't you. Do you know yourself enough? Do you think you aren't enough to feel fulfilled on just yourself? If so, why? Why do you not see how easy it is for you to love yourself. You already have the desires and wants you could get from someone else? If you don't have those desires and needs that you seek from others, how come it's not possible for you? Do you only seek that in others because you are uncomfortable with you lacking something? You shouldn't be afraid to know yourself or be afraid that you think you're not enough. Being in a relationship before fulfilling your own self-worth is not as great as it sounds, personally I'm in a relationship but I will accidentally ruin moments that can be good because of my own fear of myself and how unfulfilled I feel with how much I love myself and I'm not even the type of person who struggles with always feeling to need to be loved to be happy. If the situation arises that you stumble into a relationship or situationship that's fine but understand that you should love yourself before allowing someone else to fill in that worth. Prince charming may never come and if that is something that is too upsetting, there's some work that needs to be done to begin understanding why that's so upsetting.

Desiring someone else is okay but in a healthy doses, your partner should be an added plus, not your entire happiness. Stop romanticizing unhealthy attachments to others.

Pile 4

The child I was Meant to be.

Your shadow wants you to accept that you are capable of growing. I'm getting that there's a lot that needs to be done, in order to become replanted. Some change has to be made, and that's okay. Life is full of growth and decay. Don't villainize yourself, the worst you can do is avoid the bad things in life because then that stops your own growth. There's a repeating issue that is very uncomfortable for you pile four. There's this greed to fulfill with your own needs. It's always about your issues and not others' problems. Your shadow wants you to learn how to manage that greed and "evil" (nobody is truly evil if you can prevent yourself from repeating negative cycles. What is it that makes you think that your too broken or off-putting to be fixed or reborn?

You might need to tie up some loose ends and heal others that you knowingly did wrong. Make sure you give the justice the people you have hurt. You have to let go of an unhealthy attachment to your own self and that desire you feel that is stopping you from being "a good person." You might have to leave something behind that you think is so good or desirable. It's difficult but you're not a hopeless cause, nobody is unable to never work on themselves, if that means walking away from what you have projected yourself do that. It's seems scary to work on becoming a better you for yourself because then you have to accept the aspects you repress but once you accept you can learn to work through it. You can mourn over who you were and accept the new you when you're healing and yourself work is fulfilled. You are capable of it but are struggling to see that it can happen. In order to plant that seed to grow the new you, you have to cut off the old ways that poison your growth. It's going to be hard but it's doable. Forgive yourself and learn why you say or do things. don't justify them, learn from who you are in order to learn about who you can be.

[bakafox]

Having to unsubscribe from more and more 'leftist' Youtubers who are committing to the bit that it's more important to bash the Democratic party and Joe Biden as if they're just as bad as Trump than it is to just focus on the fact that Trump and the GOP are the absolute fucking worst.

Especially since they keep pulling the 'Biden is senile and a drooling zombie' card since the fucking debate. Biden's fucking speech impediment has always been known about. He's always had pauses and problems finding words sometimes because of it, like friends of mine who struggle with that sort of shit do. 'Debating' someone like Trump on live TV isn't something a president needs to be able to do, but they'll focus on that gleefully and still never bring up all the left-leaning policies the Biden Administration has successfully pushed over the last 4 years or that were blocked by the fact Dems don't control congress, senate, or the supreme courts and

I am just begging people who haven't recently refreshed themselves on how the US system even is supposed to work to watch some stuff and refresh themselves.

Like, is the system pretty busted and rooted in shitty racist and classist shit? Yes, but it's not going to be fixed before this election, just like it isn't fixed before other elections because not enough people are willing to work for things like ranked choice voting in between election cycles.

But the system also isn't completely dead yet, and right now there's game plans and blueprints on how to at least survive within it- and how to push for changes in between big election cycles by voting the right people in during even smaller election cycles.

Those are the times you beef up third party ideals or whatever, because yes, right now, when the presidential election happens the only two choices that mean anything numerically for the electoral vote system are Republican and Democrat.

If you want to call that 'not a real election' or whatever, fine, but even if there's only two choices, one choice is still actively less harmful than the other, and if the only applicable choices in a shitty election have differences, and electoral results actually have a chance of being honored even if the less awful side wins it's still actually an election that matters. Is it a shitty choice? Is it not much of a choice? It's still a choice, and it's still a difference that can be made.

Of course with Project 2025, the Republicans plan to finish gutting and rearranging the US government to suit their desire for a theocratic dictatorship, which means they are actively working to make elections completely irrelevant or end them entirely. There will no longer be even a map or blueprint for anyone who isn't a white heterosexual Christian (of the kinds of Christians they approve of, I will bet five dollars that once in office the evangelical protestant type Christians are going to start throwing other denominations under the bus, because five dollars is all I even have right now,) to follow.

All of the between-election activism and community support and service that needs to be done is already hard, too, yes, but it will be much harder if Trump, a guy who has literally talked about having protestors on college campuses shot or deported as Hamas sympathizers, and people who think like him and will unequivocally back him takes over.

There's no real choice, but if the Democrats control senate, house, and presidency, there's actually room for a choice to grow if people don't just give up the minute the election is over and actually seek and work towards the reforms that are desired.

If the GOP gets any more seats and the presidency, I cannot stress enough that we are probably going to be living in an actual, literal, dictatorship, which by all definitions, the US is currently not, despite what I see people trying to twist definitions around to say it is because a 2 party system isn't great.

I am just so tired right now, the lives of so many people, including those of people I know personally, are on the line with this vote. I've only just gotten to celebrate things the Biden administration has done for disabled Americans and yet I know that if Trump is elected, we're going to go immediately at least back to shit like 'people buying you food can reduce or stop your SSI' if not worse since the GOP are pretty open about wanting to axe Medicaid and disability with social security.

Biden's administration has put protections for LGBT people in at the federal level, and it is remaining state's rights shit that's keeping it bad in red states, which is complicated as fuck, but if the GOP get their way, their stripping out the idea of state's rights will go after the states that are sheltering trans people or providing abortion care and asylum.

Project 2025 and Trump have made a VERY big deal out of wanting to deport millions of people and have ICE raiding churches and schools. (Oh hey remember what I said about even other Christians are gonna get shat on if maybe they're inclusive or whatnot?)

And for that single issue: Yes, Trump will be worse for Palestine. Also worse for Ukraine, Sudan, and pretty much everywhere else there is a genocide happening.

There isn't a 'real' choice, is the argument, but there still is a choice, and it's one that has to be made to try and reduce harm and keep the boot from being so firmly on everyone's neck that no one can breathe well enough to fight it.

There also is not going to be a glorious revolution formed if Trump wins, there's going to be concentration camps, deportations, increased incarceration for profit, no social safety net at all, and more and more deaths including state-sponsored violence and murders. Facists like Putin, Bibi, etc will be emboldened and given more actual weaponry and support.

On paper maybe it sounds like something that makes a revolution happen in the US, but in reality it is far more likely that it further divides and crushes people into inaction.

Also in reality the US has a fucking huge military with drone strike capabilities and the Republicans will not hesitate to make the poor neighborhoods of any US city into craters, and groups of actual revolutionaries will be very scattered and isolated and much more poorly armed because the US is a big space- and there can be no counting on Canada, Mexico, or any other nations in the world for help. That'll be the start of WW3.

If there is a revolution against a GOP dictatorship it is not going to be glorious, it is not going to go well. It should not even be being considered as a preferred option by anyone who claims to be 'for the people' compared to harm reductive voting and then community activism and pushes for voting and government reform in a setting where there is still some freedom to do that.

[sansahightower]

I do often wonder why people are surprised when HotD characters, especially green characters, act broken.

Of course Alicent struggles to nurture her kids, especially Aegon. She’s been broken dozens of times and he’s the product of her being raped at 14/15.

Of course Aegon is volatile. He never truly felt loved or approved of by his father.

Of course Aemond is coming unglued and cannot do a thing in a remotely healthy way. He was bullied and then mutilated as a child and no one paid for that.

And this applies to almost every character on the show.

Their actions aren’t good or healthy or whatever. But that’s the point. Humans, in reality, are often shaped by their own experiences. And those who have dealt with trauma have to work so so very hard for it to not dictate their actions. They get saddled with this thing they did not ask for or deserve and then it becomes a sort of looming demon that they have to contend with. Some people are able to navigate this fairly well, especially if they have a great support system. Others are not.

And truthfully, we are only just now really uncorking about generational cycles and trauma.

So yeah. House of the Dragon characters will be doing some fucked up things. They are fucked up and broken. I have complaints about some things in the show, but showing these horrible cycles of brokenness is not a flaw. It’s a feature. I know it’s easy for most people to fall into black and white thinking of a person or action being just good or bad. But truthfully, you’ll have a better time if you don’t do that and instead investigate why a character might have done something.

[iravaid]

Oh man, now after reading your reply all i can think about is tommy in his twenties, having reached a place where he’s been through rehab and a whole bunch of therapy and has more knowledge of autism/aspergers and a greater understanding of mental illnesses and disabilities in general after having been forced to confront his own trauma and his struggles with addiction and whatnot, etc, reflecting on his relationship with simon and their childhood and all the mistakes and baggage those memories carry, and trying to reach out and talk with simon about it all, except of course simon doesn’t want to hear it at all, because the past should remain in the past, why would you go digging up things that best remain buried and forgotten?? And if that weren’t enough to send him running for the hills, tommy’s subtle comments about the autism thing would definitely get his fight or flight instincts kicking into high gear, because, sure, he might be awkward and blunt and not great in social situations, but that’s fine, that shit doesn’t matter in the military, not when he’s this damn good at his job, and it’s not like he gives a shit about playing the politics game and climbing up the ladder until he can laze about in some cushy office chair rubbing elbows with the brass or whatever, so it’s fine, he might be fucked in the head but he’s not sick or anything, he’s not some sort of nutcase, he’s not

Augh, absolutely, there's something very interesting in the concept of Tommy ultimately ending up better adjusted (relatively) than Simon by the time both of them are adults. Especially regarding self acceptance and unpacking the ableism they were raised with. I'm going to enter headcanon delusion land because we know next to nothing about Tommy so a quick warning on that lmao, but, we ball.

Although Tommy has had this immensely rough start, struggling with addiction and the feelings on inadequacy that might arise from living in his brother's shadow all his life, he's also been given the space and counselling that equipped him with better coping skills and vocabulary to both verbalise and recognise what happened to him and Simon as kids. I like to also think that, for a myriad of reasons and a myriad of people, Tommy has made that conscious effort to heal as well, to improve and try his damndest to break the cycle of abuse (even if that effort was ultimately cut short by forces far outside his own control.).

I'm not trying to say that Simon himself is actively perpatuating it, but he's had next to no guidance regarding the navigation of his own trauma, nor mightn't he fully recognise how deeply a 'bad childhood' might have effected him. I also see Simon's joining the army as both a blessing and a curse for him, because it probably did save his life: he got away from his dad, got strong enough to cast his father out of his home and life, got enough money to support the family that mattered to him and step up to be the 'man of the house', in his eyes. But it also, predictably, created a kind of situation where Simon got caught up in this machismo echo chamber/mob mentality reinforcing the more aggressive/violent aspects of himself in this wild cycle of adrenaline and dopamine and psoitive reinforcement for a mission well done. Rinse and repeat for two decades, and there's a guy with a lot of his self worth tied up in conventional but ultimately detrimental masculine qualities; where he's possibly too proud to recognise he's actively hurting from the things that happened to him as a child, let alone reach out to anyone in order to begin processing it in a constructive way. Why should he? He's Lieutenant fucking Riley.

It's a very interesting contrast, to me, that while Simon is the one who started out the more stable of the two brothers, the script is flipped between them when Simon returns from Roba's captivity. I wonder if Tommy feels a sense of eagerness to repay the debt he feels he owes Simon, for the former taking care of him during his recovery as a teen. I wonder if Simon feels resentful for 'losing' his place as the Riley patriarch/protector/provider to his younger brother, who got married and had a son and carved a place in the community for himself, all while Simon was running from his issues on some battlefield, in turn being greviously harmed by it and now has to battle with his own recovery.

They have such capacity for very deep love, they're connected both by their brotherhood and by the immense hurt their father caused. They also hold as deep a capability for harm and anger against the other, "This is my brother and I need a shovel to love him." kind of deal. Idk, ghost of their father still lingers where the skin is thin, and their shared proximity makes it seep. lol, lmao even

Augh, but I'm rambling, the thought of Tommy trying to gently broach the subject of autism/being autistic, and Simon having that kneejerk reaction of hypervigilance, aggression, anger at being 'accused' of such a thing, man. A constant cycle of trying to reach out and rejecting and reaching out and rejecting!! If only they had more time, maybe something kinder could have happened