#aroace lost in space

[tea-and-secrets]

my secret is that i don't think i have a future. i'm turning 18 in a month, maybe by the time you post this ask i will already be 18 for a while, but well, im not there yet. i just finished high school kicking and screaming, literally thought i wouldn't survive it to the point i was considering ending it all several times, but i finished it. now what? now i know i have to go to uni but i also know i won't be able to make it through. i barely scraped by with high school and now my mental health is at an all time low (thought 2021 was my worst year but life is full of surprises) and if college is harder than high school like people say it is, then i'm just royally fucked. it does not help that i don't know who i want to be in life. i'm bilingual and have language skills, but if i study for a translator job then it's just like-- who even needs it? i live in russia. my country is in shambles and so is its economy and relationship with other countries. russia does not need a fucking translator because everybody hates it and for good reason. i can't imagine any future for myself here. when i was a kid it all seemed so clear to me, i would grow up and live with my best friend and be happy and have a job i love. now whenever i think of being grown up my mind just comes up blank. my best friend has probably forgotten that we ever wanted to live together, or they just left the idea behind because it was so childish and unrealistic. i feel like i've been drifting away from them as well as my entire friend group for the past 2 years. i'm autistic, so i just don't see the world the same way they do. i used to love being aroace before i realized it's distancing me from my friends, because now they all have partners or they're yearning for partners or talking about all the sex they've had and i just have nothing to add to the conversation. i don't smoke or drink, so i guess now i'm just not as interesting to hang out with as when we were all 15 and sober. so yeah. i guess i just dont know what im going to do or what's going to happen to me. i've spent the last few years feeling more and more isolated and sinking into depression. if i get into college, i don't know what it's going to do to me, but it makes me fear for my life. if i don't get into it, then i dont know what im going to do at all. maybe my real secret is that i was put on this earth to draw gay people and not like, have a life and relationships. oh well.

.

[roys-our-boy]

Why is he like this

[alchemiclee]

I think doing shipping through and aroace lens makes things complicated but also interesting. I think one reason I don't enjoy straight ships as much is because it's very rare for people write/talk about them with a queerplatonic dynamic. straight romance is so "normalized" in society, it's hard to get any other dynamic out of those ships from other people in conversation or writing. it's mostly always romantic. (especially when "guys and girls can't be *just* friends" is extremely common and has ruined mamy of my own friendships) but I enjoy a handful of a straight ship with that dynamic. it's just way more rare to see talked about than gay ones from my observation. anyway point is, more queerplatonic type ships and stuff please! those aren't explored enough!

[geminiiviolets]

just started watching the new Wednesday show and holy hell Wednesday is relatable

[bonefall]

Anyway. Bi and Mspec Lesbians aren't a hotly "debated" topic or even new to queer culture, it's just the newest thing that bullies who REALLY want to be homophobic and even racist use to justify harassing gay people they don't like.

It's the thinnest possible veneer of progressive language wrapped around TERF and reactionary rhetoric so that they can feel righteous for forming an angry mob against vulnerable targets. If you're gullible enough to fall for the newest wave of bigotry within the queer community, and turn on your allies because they're "confusing" or "invading your spaces," the SAME way they turned on bi/pan labels, trans people, xenogenders, neopronouns, and aroace people before this, then get lost.

[soshadysoquiet]

TUA S4 alternative options for the Five *event*

Spoilers below, not meant to be taken seriously FYI

Now, I like my Five as AroAce as I am (extremely). But given that TV shows and society has this bullshit propaganda that 'romantic love simply Must occur for a complete being!!' Here's some alternatives that they could have gone for that might have been just as bad but I'd have hated less. (BTW no hate if you write romantic Five Fanfic, not for me but you do you, just wanted this one character to be safe from canon romance)

Bring The Handler back: That would be one fucked up relationship, don't get me wrong, but given they wrote a destined-to-be-fucked romance, have Five struggling to adapt and being coerced into a relationship by her and then realising it's shady and he DOESN'T need this sort of connection because his FAMILY is enough for him and have him kill her.

Make him and his colleague have a thing. True, potentially also problematic as mentally depending on your POV he's 60 or 13 or some mingle-mangled nightmare of the two. In the favour of this pairing I have only that I liked (was it Derek??'s) character design, they've clearly got some similar interests as they work together, they will have therefore spent some quality time together in a Safe space where they could have made a reasonable connection.

Dolores is real in this timeline, or Five somehow birthed her into being. (honestly I thought his colleague was going to turn out to be Dolores and of all the possibilities I would have accepted that the most) For this to work I think Dolores would have needed to be one of the 43 all along and maybe someone who can transplant their consciousness who did similar to Five and got stuck like that, went comatose and mad with it (therefore staying around 13) until Five found her. There, with that, you can fudge around the problematic age thing, they grew up side by side. Thus she and Five really did have a connection, really could talk, and now he gets to live into his old age with someone both mentally and physically the same age as him.

Give him a therapy dog in Pennycrumb that's better than a romance surely who doesn't love a pet?

Kenny's Mom. Idk it would have been whacked AF but I would have laughed my head off and know Five had just lost the plot completely.

He falls in love with another version of himself he meets on the subway. Hell, why not make this a Five that changed gender in the apocalypse and met a mannequin named Donnie, that way we also get more queer representation. Yes, this would also, in fact, be weird AF. But legit hilarious and someone who can match his experience and intelligence. And age.

Let him just have one night stands, that's midway happy right for TV? Just don't make me watch any intimate scenes. You have a Whole other cast, use them. Hell, be brave, do a Klaus / Dave Ghost sexscapade instead.

He has re-found mannequin Dolores. Man has never dealt with his issues that we know of - the show never tells us he does. I thought when they first turned up in the apocalypse from the trains and the sunlight was shining on Dolores that Five was going to steal her. But he could also have just found her again because he couldn't cope.

I think that's exhausted all my awful joke options (though honestly the Dolores two aren't even that bad) would love to hear which your favourite out of these awful options is.

Please reblog for votes, I'm having way too much fun here.

[runwiththerain]

hello, welcome to the chaos.

percy/ivy/ask. they/he/she/ask. 15. aus/aest. poc. audhd. did system. other neurodivergences. genderfluid. queer. aroace.

hermitcraft. life series. marauders. osemanverse. percy jackson. six of crows. stardew valley. terraria. minecraft. agggtm. thg. & more.

taylor swift. gracie abrams. conan gray. olivia rodrigo. lizzy mcalpine. hozier. noah kahan. alec benjamin. boywithuke. waterparks. & more.

rain. storms. fog. swimming. the ocean. space. the moon, sun and stars. planets. choir. listening to music. choir. pinterest. spotify. tumblr. cats. sharks. sunflowers. sunsets. chocolate. fairy lights.

lover of alterous attraction. obsessed with wonderland by taylor swift. i cant live without music. owner of a djungelskog and blahaj. learning german. special interest is learning as a whole. i overshare on the internet. free palestine, sudan and congo. my pinterest. my spotify.

@thepaladinstrait. @cuyberpunk. @sleepy-vix. @daydream-of-a-wallflower. @bassguitarinablackt-shirt.

@svnflowermoon. @a-beautiful-fool. @flowers-for-em. @lost-in-reveriie. @loveyou-imsorry. are all the best ever.

my discord is the same as my url. super close people can ask for my insta. please send me asks and i'm totally happy to be friends with you. i can be really awkward sorry. professional yapper. we only talk about our system with super close people and not on here. common tags are below in the actual tags. mutual tag list. header cred to @solargeist. pfp cred to @lovely-lee. divider cred to @cafekitsune

[theaistired]

Writeblr Intro

New intro, same person!

Hi, I’m Thea (she/they) and I’m aroace and autistic. I like to read, write, draw, play the piano, and occasionally play video games. My favourite book series is the Lord of the Rings and my favourite video game franchise is Fire Emblem.

Since my favourite genre is fantasy, most of my WIPs are fantasy and you can find my writing and sometimes art (and music?) on this blog.

I hope to see you around!

Some infos and links to my WIPs are under the cut.

Galidean: Main WIP, fantasy. A longer series (about 12 books) telling three different stories across the ages. While not meant to be dark fantasy/horror, the series can get pretty dark at times. The first story takes place a hundred years after the defeat of the Dark Sun, the most powerful dragon in memory. In celebration, the human nations gather together but only a few people realize that scorching raids have left their marks across the continent… [Intro]

Old Gods: (Dark) fantasy series (3 – 4 books). The planned horror elements have gotten somewhat lost, but are still prevalent to a certain degree, mostly body horror. The story follows the aftermath of a war between several divine bloodlines. Prince Alaric was captured before the end of war and does not intend to stay alive for much longer… [Intro]

The Human in Us: Urban fantasy series (5 books). Again: not intended to be dark fantasy/horror but some elements like this might still show up. University student Josephine has been struggling with hallucinations for as long as she can remember. After a nightmarish get-together with friends, the visions only get worse… [Intro]

Visions of Violet Stars: SciFi setting, with 2 – 3 stand-alone stories (one of which is specifically space horror). [Intro]

Little Remains: Crime novel/thriller. An unknown body is discovered in close-knit community. When a local student is also found dead a few days later, it becomes clear that the killer is part of the community… [Intro]

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

More aroace book recs

Just found this book, and while it hasn’t come out yet it sounds like something out of my wildest dreams (comes out january 29)

Autistic aroace main character and queer side characters

“A great death is in the air” Arlo is lost. He thought he had everything figured out. Go to university, fall in love, get a job. But life doesn't always work like that, and before he has a chance to figure it out, he dies. In the space of a night, Arlo is plunged into a world of blood and immortality and finds a group of people who swear to always have his back. Dying is never easy, and they promise him eternal safety. But something is after him, something no one could have ever predicted. He craves to figure out his purpose before he falls into something he can never come back from.

There’s also vampires

[aroace-ventplace]

Being in fandom spaces is honestly so exhausting. Because there'll be a character who explicitly expresses disinterest in sex and romance, and most of the fandom will headcanon them as gay/lesbian. Any aspec headcanon will get called homophobic or assumed to be coming from a place of "Christian purity culture" (no I'm not a Christian, wasn't raised Christian and am not from a Christian majority country. Your assumption is racist and xenophobic actually).

Then there'll be characters who are confirmed to be aro/ace. These characters are always shipped with literally every other character and shippers would be like "but aros can still date! And aces can still have sex!" But then you headcanon a character who used to be in a relationship as angled or oriented aroace, and the entire fandom will be like "but this character has been in a relationship before, so they can't be aspec!" These aphobic double standards are infuriating.

YEAH, i've seen all of this so many times i've lost count. i understand that the people who say these things want to see themselves reflected in characters they like, but... so do aspecs. why are our headcanons and interpretations of relationships always treated as less legitimate? why is canonical aspec representation and coding so universally ignored? why does existing as aspec in fandom spaces always have to feel like an uphill battle?

(...and sometimes we get to see new and exciting variations of aspec erasure when certain (allo) creators explicitly say it's totally fine to romantically/sexually ship their aroace characters. that's been a fun one to see play out.)

i stopped interacting with fandoms a long time ago - finding other individual people who don't just tolerate but are actually EXCITED to discuss aspec readings of series has been far better than any fandom experience i've ever had. still, it sucks that larger fandom culture is so hostile to anything outside of the norm (basically: shipping two cis allo white men) that so many people have had to splinter off into their own small groups. i don't have much hope, but maybe one day we'll get to a point where aspec perspectives won't be entirely erased in mainstream fandom. maybe.

[golden-eye-ramblings]

Orter Madl Headcanon Dump Part 1

IT'S FINALLY HERE. REJOICE. SAND MAN MAN ME A SAND MANSAND. GIF CREDIT ONCE MORE TO @fallinblossoms

----

Orter Madl

Height: 5'9/177cm

Age: 23

Birthdate: November 10th

Sign: Scorpio

Gender: Cisgender(?).

Pronouns: He/Him

Sexuality: Aroace

• Where oh where to begin with this man's issues. For starters, "functional" alcoholic. While he does not drink on the job(he has some standards), he does go bar hopping quite frequently after work. Oh you think he has everything together? HA. No, absolutely not.

• His desk and office at work is perfectly contained, neat and orderly but good GOD his home is a NIGHTMARE. Stacks of books, paperwork, bottles of booze both empty and not. Take out containers. Sorry girlies he is peak burnout male living space.

• He does not have a favorite food. If anything, his ideal food is a flavorless nutrition brick that has all the required vitamins and sustenance a human needs to survive. Alas no restaurant has been able to accommodate his request.

• Gifted child syndrome no doubt. My man has undiagnosed autism that was not addressed cause he was the favorite and it has put a strain on his relationships with his family. He's not good speaking terms with his father but will attend gatherings out of obligation(and on the low chance to see Wirth).

• Speaking of Wirth. Orter is a bit of a brocon? Not to the extent of Lance. He struggles to try and reconnect with his younger brother and has been making attempts but both of these idiots are so emotionally constipated that it takes outside intervention for them to finally make up. From there Orter just, cannot say no to Wirth. Like he's trying to make up for lost time. Feels like daggers digging straight into his heart when Wirth gets upset with him because he's lowkey afraid of becoming estranged again. Their relationship is getting better though, although Wirth now wishes Orter would stop being such a helicopter parent all of a sudden.

• As for relationships romantically? No, absolutely not. Nope, no, nada. Nah man. Any time his coworkers try to invite him to a date mixer he peace fades into sand and leaves. Any time his father tries to set him up with a potential spouse suddenly he has so much work to do. He doesn't get it. He doesn't understand. It's a hassle and he wishes people would leave him alone about it.

• Terrible with kids. Has no idea how to handle a crying child. Probably the one who made the kid cry in the first place because his Resting Bitch Face is so intimidating. No one is happy.

• Sometimes forgets to sleep/eat whenever he's caught up in work or in a good book. The other DVs sometimes place lunches on his desk for this reason.

• In terms of closeness with the other Divine Visonaries. He is on friendly(as friendly as Orter can really be) terms with Ryoh and Kaldo, is amicable with Rayne, Sophina and Tsurara, neutral with Agito and very much dislikes Renatus(the feeling is mutual).

[mayarab]

Here are the links:

Journey Home Golden Hue Favorite

Transcript below:

Happy Pride!!

Some short stories by a demiaroace non-binary writer! Me!

😍💜🤍🩶🖤 😍💚🤍🩶🖤😍

Journey Home

witches

space travel

queerplatonic relationship

aroace mc

Amara e Luiza are two witches in a queerplatonic relationship. When Luiza decides to embark on a journey throught the galaxy in search for the lost fortress of Laura, the Dragon Queen, she ends up finding more than she bargained for, while Amara follows her footsteps hoping it’s not too late.

Golden Hue

magic powers + weird creatures

deals with death

demisexual mc

bisexual li

non-binary character

Bianca can heal and uses her powers in service of the people of Olinda, a place under the protection of the Great Barrier. When Malu is brought into her care, she has the chance to get answers about the outside world.

With the help of her girlfriend, Catarina, she will face the Wilds and the three of them will learn that the things they needed weren’t as far away as they thought.

Favorite

aromantic mc

lesbian li

contemporary coming of age

Camila only wanted to escape the heat and spend the day with her friend, Aline. But the friend had other plans and Camila, being aromantic, needs to make a choice.

[clemblog]

Caine’s Lesson - Part 4

•

“Alright Lou, we need to try and find our way out of here. T-This place is gonna collapse eventually-“ Hummed Pomni, wringing her hands together as she tried to figure out what to do.

“Yeah… Where do we go then?” Asked Lou, softly.

“I… I don’t know- Just where ever the road takes us I suppose- Just- Somewhere safe.”

“Definitely somewhere safe- Let’s just figure out a way out of here first-“

“R-Right, right-“

“Do you think you could do that uh falling thing again? You know, how you fell through the ceiling to get to me?”

“U-Uhm… I could try? What about you?”

“Could you pull me with you?”

“I-I could try-“

“That’s all I want you to do, Poms.”

Pomni took a deep breath, staring up at the floor boards where she’d clipped in. She could figure this out. For Lou’s sake. For her new friend.

•

Jax hated to admit it, but things had kinda gone down hill since Pomni had been sent off by Caine.

Ragatha wouldn’t shut up.

Zooble and Gangle had gotten very buddy buddy-

And Kinger was well- Kinger.

“I don’t want to hear your rescue plan, Dollface, you’ve already told me it-“

“But Jax, if you just-“

“Lalalalala-“

“Jax!”

“I don’t know what’s worse, this or listening to Zooble try to get into Gangle’s ribbon-“

“Jax! The digital circus is open to everyone-“

“I know, I know! You don’t have to tell me so-“

“Yeah! So, you can’t just say that about Gangle and Zooble, just because they like each other-“

“Woah, woah, Raggedy Ann, are you implying you think I’m homophobic- I am hurt that you think so low of me~”

“…That wasn’t you being a [——]?”

“No, that was me being an AroAce [——-] and comparing your insane rambles to Ganoobles slowly growing romance arc-“

“…Jax-“

“Anywho, your plan sucks [—-]”

“JAX!”

•

“Caineeeeee?”

“…Yes Bubble?”

“When are you going back to the circus? Aren’t they gonna need a new adventure soon?”

“…The circus can find its own adventures for the moment.”

“Wha- Why? You’re the ring master! They can’t function without you-“

“Pomni’s doing just fine.”

“…Yeah- But that doesn’t mean-“

“So, they don’t need me. Especially when all I do is upset them.”

“You don’t mean to upset them-! You’re a learning AI- You’re just learning-“

“Yet I still upset them.”

“Just tell them-“

“It’s not an excuse Bubble-“

“So apologise then-“

“No.”

“Why not-!?”

“…Because I don’t want too.”

“…Caine?”

“If I apologise, that means I’m wrong. And I can’t be wrong. I’m the all powerful Caine. Ringmaster. God. All knowing AI. So. I won’t. They’ll come grovelling for my return eventually. Even Pomni. I will be the only AI that matters to them all. And I will regain my purpose.”

“…Right..”

Bubble had been friends with Caine for as long as she could remember. But she didn’t feel safe with him right now. The exile of Pomni had lost her, her best friend. So, the next time Caine spaced out, thinking of only he knew what. Bubble slipped away, disappearing to Pomni’s room and curling up on the end of her bed.

Pomni wasn’t here but she could dream she was.

Caine wasn’t acting normal but she could dream he was.

Something was wrong but she could dream that everything was okay.

•

Pomni had seen the insides of items and assets she’d never wanted to see before. But at least now she and Lou were out of the basement. Now it was just time to get out of the kingdoms ruins.

Hopefully without losing Lou to the Fudge Monster…

She was drawn from her thoughts at the feeling of Lou’s trembling hand in her own. She had to be brave. She had to protect her.

Lou was stood mere meters away from the creature that had ruined her kingdom and eaten her citizens. If Pomni was in her position, she’d be frozen in place.

So, she had to be brave. Even if it was hard.

Her name was Poms, and she would be the Saviour of this world.

…For Gummigoo.

“Alright, Lou. F-First, we’re gonna duck over to that building.” Spoke Pomni, softly, looking up to Lou.

“O-Okay Poms.” Nodded Lou, staying close to her side.

The pair were able to successfully get to the next crumbled building. Only a few more to go. It was hard at times. Listening to the booming voice of the fudge monster as the pair did their best to stay quiet and steady their breath.

“Come on Lou. We’re almost their-“

“I don’t know if I can do this Poms-“

“You can!”

“I- don’t know-“

“Please? Come on… You and I both know that so many of your citizens would want to be in your place right now-“

“…”

“Instead their sat in the belly of a beast. Don’t give up… Please? For them?”

“…Alright. Let’s go.”

Pomni ran as fast as she could, eyes set on the gates. …They weren’t really gates anymore- The rubble under her feet quickly turned into the soft supple sweet sand of the world.

Lou was smiling.

She felt safe.

Pomni had helped her.

Pomni had made her feel safe.

And nothing had gone wrong!

“PRINCESS! THERE YOU ARE!”

[——].

Part 5

[allthoseotherworlds]

An Aroace Doctor Reading of "Rogue"

Disclaimer: I am not interested in proving what's "canon". I do not believe that canon exists. I am interested in formulating a reasonable reading of the episode wherein the Doctor is aromantic and asexual, and fundamentally believe that such a thing is possible in basically all contexts with enough determination. If that's not your thing, that's fine, but I don't need to argue in the replies about how this isn't canon). Also if it sounds like I'm arguing with someone, I promise it's probably not you, hypothetical reader, but the ghost of 2015-ish and the mean voices it left in my brain

I finally watched Rogue! It wasn't as bad as I was worried it would be, from an aroace perspective. I think I can reasonably view it as a combination of my already-established beliefs that:

The Doctor likes it when people like them, and does not like being rejected. How they handle this varies wildly - from preemptively rejecting people, to hiding everything so people can't reject them, to being aggressively fun and charming and interesting, which seems to be the fifteenth Doctor's approach. This approach from the fifeenth Doctor in particular can come across as flirty even in contexts where it clearly isn't meant to be, I think because many people aren't accustomed to that level of genuineness and exuberance from a relative stranger

The Doctor, at least recently, does not like outright rejecting people who are sincerely interested in them, probably due to the previously-mentioned desire for people to like them

The Doctor does enjoy banter, including banter that can be read as flirting, because banter and wordplay are fun

The Doctor does not view kissing the same way humans do, perhaps partially because of the touch-telepathy present in Time Lords, and tends to relate to kissing (even mouth kisses that humans would view as romantic) as a general expression of strong emotion or a telepathic tool rather than a strictly sexual or romantic thing. The Doctor is generally aware that kissing is romantic for humans, but how much they internalize this varies (see: the tenth Doctor remembering that kissing can be viewed a certain way and warning Martha they don't mean it that way, but not realizing it's so deeply ingrained in contemporaneous human culture as romantic that she won't be able to just turn it off in her head)

With that in mind, here's my personal take:

The Doctor is suspicious of Rogue, but also thinks he's interesting and aesthetically attractive ("hot" - a word that aroaces can also use without proving we're not aroace)

The Doctor banters with Rogue, enjoys the banter, and is friendly and charming to him because they want to learn more and because banter is fun. They don't trust him at first, but enjoy interacting with him.

Once it's been established that the Doctor is not the enemy here and they can work together, the Doctor is a) charmed by Rogue's proper admiration of the Tardis, and b) sympathetic to Rogue's Tragic Backstory. The Doctor's probably projecting a little at this point because "Bounty hunter who's lost people and is working to do something he thinks is helpful but maybe isn't for a mysterious boss" probably resonates for "Ex-Division-Operative/Ex-Time-War-Participant" reasons, even though they are deeply Not Acknowledging that they have issues, no thank you.

Near-kiss in the Tardis happens because of the Doctor's deep lack of personal space and generally being more accepting of touch in this incarnation

Nothing needs to be explained with the dancing/fake fight/fake marriage proposal, except the Doctor's "Oh shit" reaction to the proposal, which to my mind is that of someone reliving all the other times people have had Romantic or Sexual feelings towards them and it has caused Problems that the don't reciprocate in the same way, even if they care a lot. Also the Doctor's total lack of prior trauma around losing people or being rejected because they are Perfectly Well Adjusted Now

The actual kiss happens because a) Rogue needs to distract the Doctor and kissing is distracting, and b) the Doctor isn't averse enough to touch in this incarnation to dislike kissing on principle I think, and emotions were running high enough that I think they can appreciate it from an emotional/telepathic perspective anyways

The Doctor is sad when Rogue is lost because a) the Doctor hates losing people in general, b) it's another person sacrificing themselves to save the Doctor or their friends when they couldn't, and c) they did care about Rogue and saw potential in him to both grow and learn more and to be a fun person to travel and argue with

Other thoughts about the episode!

I'm glad Ruby didn't actually die this time, but this is a lot of almost-deaths for her now. Makes me nervous!

I really liked the designs for the Chuldur! It was neat that they all looked slightly different but recognizably the same species

I definitely feel like they left this hanging on purpose, and we'll probably revisit Rogue and/or his boss at some point. Whether or not I'll enjoy that depends on how they handle it, probably

(My actual hot take here is that I think Jonathan Groff is just okay, and although to quote my mom "Ncuti Gatwa could have chemistry with a popsicle", Jonathan just didn't feel like he had much chemistry with him to me I'm sorry. Even setting aside my canon-divergent bullshit he's just not as compelling to me as I think he is to other people. I think conceptually though it's fun to have a human from the future around)

I am such a sucker for scenes where someone does a medical scan on the Doctor and is like "Oh shit" so that was very fun. I also enjoyed seeing the Doctor described as a shapeshifter.

I really loved the scene at the end where the Doctor and Ruby are reunited properly and hug and she kind of calls them on their "I'm totally fine please ignore all the traumatic things that just happened" routine! It was lovely, and I really think their dynamic is coming together. Ruby was also great in her scenes with the lady whose name I forgot who went through a breakup.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hi there! How are you doing? I have some questions, well, a rant *plus* some questions.

I feel... safer with allo allies than I do with aro/ace communities (online). Does that make me aphobic/bad? I don't go by labels because for me, they're not necessary. If I *were* to label myself based purely on definitions, I would be aroace, specifically, demiromantic asexual. I used to go by this a while back.

I don't fit the stereotype of being aroace at all. I'll talk about the aromantic side. Unlike most arospecs i've seen online, I LOVE Valentine's day! I LOVE shipping! I LOVE consuming romance fiction. I LOVE romance et cetera et cetera and yet I don't experience it like allos do. I need a strong bond with someone in order to fall in love and it takes me really, really, long to do so. But once it happens, my love is not 'weak'. It makes me pass really well as allo because of this, but it makes a lot of people in the aro community mad because I'm 'stealing' a label to 'feel special'. I was always told I was not aroace, that I couldn't be aroace by definition. That I was alloromantic asexual pretending to be on the arospec. That I was too scared to be 'basic'.

On that topic, and I think this is unintentional, but... why is nobody batting an eye when an aro or an ace person shames an allo or calls them weird or basic? Because they're doing exactly what allo aphobes are doing to them. I had this conversation with a friend and he said, 'that doesn't happen, allo people don't get shamed especially by aspec people', yet, I keep seeing things like 'I fucking hate allos so much' and 'To all my aces, we're not like allos, we're better' or something along those lines.

Whenever I enter an aspec online space, I'm made to feel like an intruder because, as I said, my experiences are very similar to the allo experience EXCEPT for the fact that I don't feel romantic attraction unless a strong bond has been formed. I'm not saying the aroace community is bad in any way, don't get my wrong, I'm saying that there is a massive gatekeeping problem going around and so much bubbling hatred and separation, and I don't understand any of it. In a prefect world, I'd happily identify as aroace, but I feel ashamed to do so now.

The gatekeeping... the infighting, I don't want to hate the online community of which I'm supposed to belong but this... this isn't right. The allo allies don't do things like this. They don't make me feel insecure about myself. And yes, while I don't experience romance like an allo would, I feel safe around them. I need to ask, have you seen this too? Have you experienced this? Is this truly all in my head? What do you think?

I apologize for the vent or if I seem aphobic, I just really need answers and I'm tired of the constant hatred... How are you? Did you drink enough water? Did you sleep well today? Did you eat? Again, I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable with this!

Vents are totally welcome, Anon. Don't worry.

I'm really sorry you ran into gatekeeping, Anon. I feel like that's something that's really been on the rise especially over the last couple of years. It's a real issue and it causes a lot of harm. This should go without saying, but demiromantic people are aro, and have just as much right to be here as anyone else on the aro spectrum.

I do think at least part of the problem is social media in general and how things are set up these days. We don't have community spaces as much anymore, in particular we've lost moderated spaces where gatekeepers can be properly dealt with. And there's very little curation or organization. Things are chaotic and fragmented, and one person's experience and what kind of posts they say see may vary wildly from someone else's. There's also a competing needs issue, where one aro may need to vent about romance, another may need their romantic side validated and there's no way to organize so each can find the space they each need.

If finding aro spaces/blogs that are more accepting is important to you, Anon (and it's OK both if it is or isn't), my big advice would be seek out demiromantic blogs and posters specifically. There's some very good ones around and they'll be posting about aro things that are relevant to you, and even more importantly won't be gatekeeping demi identities.

For more aro-general blogs, there are ones out there that are also inclusive and anti-gatekeeping, but it may take a bit of work to find them. Be very liberal with your unfollow and block buttons. If someone is gatekeeping block on sight, but also if they're not posting the type of aro content that you need or want to see, you're allowed to organize things so you don't see their posts. Sometimes unfollowing is enough, but blocking also doesn't necessarily mean the other person has done anything wrong, it's just a tool to make sure you're not seeing a blog you don't want to see.

For the shaming allos question, I do think it's a complex topic. For me it depends on context. I definitely do not believe in any kind of ace/aro superiority, being ace and/or aro, or being allo are both neutral. Nobody's smarter or more moral or more pure or anything like that. But sometimes people say things as a vent in the moment and are reacting to a difficult situation they've been in. So for example someone may say 'allos suck' but it comes from a place where they've been very badly treated by allos for being ace or aro but they're referring more to the societal systems that are in place that privilege allo people and make life more difficult for ace/aro people, they don't actually believe being allo makes someone a bad person. (It can be hard to tell what's going on just from a post, again it's OK to unfollow and block, especially if it's just not what you personally need to see in the moment).

Personally I don't come across a lot of this type of stuff, but this is what I mean about things being fragmented, the blogs I follow just aren't posting about the infighting or gatekeeping and I don't happen to see it in the tags when I go in there. But I do hear about it second hand, and it seems like it's a problem on other social media sites I'm not on as well.

I'm sorry you've had a hard time, Anon. But I am glad you've found people you can be comfortable with and be yourself around. That's really important too. And thanks for the reminder that I really should drink more water today.

Hopefully at least some of this is helpful, but if you have more questions or want to discuss anything in more detail, feel free to send in another ask.

All the best!

[asydicsydney]

I've never had the self-insert OC autism but this has been an exception.

My fanbot: Pluto!

Designs are not final, I only own one masquerade mask, I hate designing clothes sometimes, blah blah blah

So glad when I came on here and saw that this is a normal thing y'all do. Makes me feel less weird :)

You can read about Pluto under the cut!

Pluto - They/Them - Gold-plated - Manager (and sometimes vocalist)

Designed in the mid-1700's (Rococo period England) by astronomer Francis Kuiper. Kuiper was a trans-man and, as such, couldn't give his wife Isabella any children. Instead, he designed what he called "The Star Child", a genderless being from space that could fill their empty home.

In 1946, Peter Walter IV, while researching great astronomers, finds the lost Star Child drawing and decides to build a brand-new Blue Matter Robot. They're dubbed 'Pluto' like the newest discovered planet in appreciation for the advancements in space technology. They're also given two dials on their neck, which act as voice modulators, in the event that another robot cannot perform vocally. (Only in a vocal capacity. Said robot would still need to be visible on stage, miming their words, and playing their instrument to keep the illusion.) They mostly act as the band's manager.

Pluto's design pulls from the painting Starry Night, the aroace flag, and rococo masc and fem fashion (or at least what we wore in Cinderella, which is where Kuiper is from)

They're good friends with Hatchworth (who gave them the Fancy Shoes, since they act like fake royalty) and the Walter Workers (being a manager and since they have the same blue hair). They often use their voice modulators to scare the other robots, speaking as their 'subconscious'. They don't usually perform as themselves since they refuse to wear the band's red and black uniform and can't play any instruments, but they do love Star Valley Night. They are simultaneously the youngest and oldest robot (which is a metaphor for autism).

My friend does robot drag, so I recorded some videos to be critiqued. You get one since you read all of this, presumedly. Thank you, signing off.