#anyways yeah do i wish my abusers would die? no

[acrookedvulture]

Genuinely i cant stand npd people on here because they will literally ALWAYS say some shit like "well *I* wasnt the one who abused you so why should I be thrown under the bus because of your personal experience with npd abuse"

(ironic that this always happens to be on posts of others talking about their own abusive experiences with npd people, unprompted)

Like yknow you *could* say that if someone just happened to meet one or two awful npd people

But ive dealt with like 13+ npd people in my life, extensively and its just a LITTLE WEIRD

how they all ended up being the most god awful people ive ever met. I WISH i could say there was One who wasn't but i literally can't. These bitches were all walking black holes thatd take over your life the moment you let your fucking guard down. My quality of life literally improved by wide margins every time i disconnected from these friends/relatives 🤣

[baldurs-gate-official]

Omw to be the most fuckable twink in the ER

[analy-sing-stuff]

Hi overthinkers :D

After a really messy gap of three years, I finally red "Boy meets Maria" and I'll never be able to express how much this short story made my heart ache and melt. I can't believe I took so long because it's pure genius how it's written, and it's so SO sad we won't get anymore of it.

Anyways, let me yap a bit about it because I got SO MUCH to say, especially towards Arima's gender. I'll try to be as respectful as I can and use they/them referring to them regardless of the conclusion I take.

⚘️ spoilers ahead ⚘️

Both of the main characters are SO WELL WRITTEN in a way I've rarely seen in media these days!

"Boy meets maria" is a comic novel that makes us question so many things we have barely thought about in modern society, being them specially gender roles and norms, or how abuse comes in all sizes, shapes and colors.

Let's start with Taiga!

In a way, Taiga is the "least complex" character in this mangá. His concept is simple; he lost his mom when he was very young, his dad was irresponsible taking care of a child and drowning on his drinking addiction, and after growing up with all that, Taiga decides he wants to be a hero.

The meaning of a hero to Taiga is, simply explained, to be this great GREAT person. He wants to be a famous actor, succeed in life, and have this beautiful girlfriend to "save".

To be short, Taiga decides he doesn't want to be like his dad. His bright personality is basically his way of getting better, of being happy, and most important of all, of helping people.

I guess we can say Taiga is a very deeply conflicted character. looking for his way to the top on theater, I'd say this is him leaving his past behind and looking ou to show the world he is worth something, looking for something that may bring back to him the feeling of control contrasting how much he couldn't help but just watch his mother slowly die, and how weak he felt not knowing she was already being hurt by his father all along.

Let's say that the reason he's looking for a perfect girl for him to act like this perfect hero also has to do with the passing of his mom and the absence of his father, because to him, this is one unconscious second chance of treating a girl right and having a happy ending.

Then things don't go exactly as planned, and he meets Arima 😍

You see, Arima is a BIG part of Taiga's reality check because boy is completely HEAD OVER HEALS. Mind you, i saw some people saying they kind of cringed because of the way he acted and that he was unrealistic or a "manic pixie boy," and I totally disagree, I disagree even harder because I do know boys like him in real life and I can assure sometimes this big extroverted person is nothing more than a nod to the neglected child they were on the past.

So, yeah, when he chases Arima through the hall, this is basically him saying "don't say no to me, because I need this 😃 um excuse me, 😀 I need to be happy 🙂 dont say no" , and it's so persistent Arima ACTUALLY has to show him their genitals...so...uh...kinda crazy, huh?

But surprisingly, this is not a big deal to them if not for the inconvenience, and I'll say more, They lost all their notion of decency way before their childhood Trauma

Let's talk about Maria...No! Sorry, I mean...

Let's talk about Arima

Arima is a complex character that I appreciate so much due to never seeing a representation like them in media before.

I'd like to say that I'll not get into the sexual abuse too much because this may get too long, and it's sort of a sensitive topic for me, but I might mention it later if I feel like it.

Arima, since very little, was forced to be perceived as a girl by his mom, a type of abuse called forced feminization, where, well, you force a vulnerable individual to use exaggerated accessories that would match better a woman according to the known gender norm.

It was clear, However, that Arima never had a normal childhood being perceived as a girl, since none of what they had was granted because they wished, it was what their mom wished to fullfill HER wishes, and so on Arima felt like a boy but had to keep the image of being a girl solid and intact, after all, it was all they knew.

This is really big on their relationship with Taiga, since they basically reverse roles when they mature

This pannel, for example, is screaming gender roles, with Arima being stuck to pink and girl toys while Taiga is surrounded by all types of boy toys. This pannel has, also, big foreshadowing for their image of a hero when they were little. While Taiga thinks he can be this awesome image of a savior he wished to become, Arima holds on to a hero, shyly showing that not only they need to be who they truly are, since this is also the only toy on the picture that they hold on and that they're trully interested, but they also look for a saviour, someone who could take them out of the feeling of not belonging, someone who could understand what they need. The only thing also separating both of them is a flower, which is much symbolical to their different perspective growing up and the curious impact of Taiga's dad in their lives.

The cover for this mangá is the paralel we get from the back, and honestly, it's so beautiful how it doesn't necessarily mean it is about Arima detaching from their feminity, Rather just how much Taiga helped them realize they don't need to look feminine to be accepted and fullfill anyone's wishes.

To me, at the end of chapter 6, it's most likely that yes, Arima might be a boy suffering from detachment of something that they knew since they were very little, the role of a girl; AND HEAR ME OUT! THE THEATHER CONTEXT WAS GENIOUS!!!

Arima, their whole life, were assigned as this little girl, that deep down, was unhappy with their identity.

Then they go through this horrible fucking abuse and they feel vulnerable and weak,and they say, well, I'm a boy. That's it, that's who I always was.

And then, they go to their first play and they play as a boy, and they act (literally) as a boy, but the second their abuser is there to see them, (motherfucker) they lose it.

They lose it because, in the first place, all that happened to them was because of the rumor they weren't really a girl, and concluding that, they run away from their real them to avoid facing their trauma and their identity.

So Arima only acts as a girl on plays (literally) despite acting so well as a male character, hiding their talent and their feelings from everyone.

Until Taiga appears and never give up on them, which is beautiful.

And then, in the end, we understand that maybe they are not a boy, maybe they are not a girl, maybe they are both, maybe they are neither, but;

1. Their gender is not defined by what they look like

2. It's nobody's business

I can't put into words how well written this whole scene is. The way they mimick how the abuse was, the way they're scared of getting attached to someone again, the way they're mentally destroyed by the doubt and the feeling of weakness and how none of this matters because Taiga love's them.

No matter the gender, Taiga fell in love with Yuu.

And then they feel comfortable again, which seals pretty much this comic.

No matter which role (gender or theather lol) Yuu chooses, they'll always be Yuu Arima, and they'll always be special.

THAT'S IT OH MY GOD, I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, ANYWAYS LOVE THEM SO SAD IT'S NOT A BIG SERIES BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD WTFF 🥹

[grayskyzephyr]

I've come across a couple of very...interesting tweets regarding the fandom's favorite scapegoat and honestly it's nothing new really.

I've also recently got into a confrontation with a bee stan calling me homophobic and a pedo pro shipper (yaaaay I finally got called by weak strawman arguments!) because I called Yang "blonde Adam" and made the usual criticism of how Adam was turned into an incel to prop up bumbleby and to sweep the faunus racism under the rug. I won't bother showing screenshots of the argument I had with this person on Twitter even with their username blocked because they don't deserve the attention.

Anyway to get to the point, from this argument I had with this individual along with the tweets I saw wishing violence on "Adam stans" it got me really thinking about how bee stans and rwby stans as a whole respond to Adam. Again, this dead horse is nothing new and yes, I will take my turn to beat it.

I find it very curious when it comes to the topic of Adam, both bee stans and general rwby stans conveniently overlook his connection to the faunus racism plot and instead hyperfocus on him being the big bad abuser to Blake. When you try to argue about how Adam's role as a radical revolutionary was fumbled and how poorly racism was handled, they will dodge the statement and instead deflect with "yeah yeah the racism was handled poorly, BUT YOU'RE STILL DEFENDING AN ABUSIVE GROOMER!!!!! HE DESERVED TO DIE!!!!"

It seems as if they would rather not acknowledge the bigger elephant in the room with how Adam's character was handled because either 1). It makes them uncomfortable, so they pretend his reaction to his oppression from humans doesn't exist or they downplay it. Or 2). They're too blinded by their projection of their own trauma on Bland the Cat they refuse to see Adam in another facet and instead focus on the "abuser/groomer" part and just call you an abuse apologist. Like, they do know Adam didn't have to be written as a "groomer" right? Right?

[dootznbootz]

I went on tiktok to just watch some silly Odysseus videos but then I mostly saw people going like "Yeah, maybe Odysseus cried on Calypso' island every day but honestly he had that coming after what he did Achilles and Patroclous/Circe!!!" and "Everything that happens in Odyssey is deserved cuz he took Patrochilles to war!!!" and "I feel so bad for Circe and Calypso and Penelope, they deserved better!!!"

For fucks sake I beg you, read anything different from Millers bs and like educate yourself- And please stop goddamn saying that rape victim. deserved it.

Circe probably didn't give a flying fuck, Calypso is a rapist and abuser and Penelope deserved everything she wanted and SHE WANTED ODYSSEUS

I think I've had enough internet for today, imma go wash my eyes with bleach. Anyways sorry for ranting here, i hope you don't mind it lmao

It's alright. I absolutely understand the vents about the whole thing. :'D No one deserves to be a victim of such a thing no matter WHAT they've done. I hope your eyes are okay after the bleach

Like Odysseus does so many fucked up things but Calypso and Circe? He is the victim. Period. It's very clear that Odysseus is in extreme distress on Ogygia. And Circe wasn't some sort of FwB situation. There's fear and numbness in the language he uses when talking about it. There's so much victim blaming and it SUCKS.

Even then, Odysseus' journey was kind of about "temptation" or just straight up "Die or get out of my sea." From Poseidon. "I don't want you in my waters so I'm gonna try and give you things that will keep you on land or just kill you."

Immortal goddesses wanting you would be many people's dream come true but not for Odysseus. And I think that's the point. His determination, how he clawed his way back into the arms he never wanted to leave in the first place, is incredible. Many people would've given up and just started a new life but he never would because no life he could ever create would compare to the life he had before. Even if it's different, it's what he's always wanted.

He literally tells Calypso "I'm not stopping until I'm home. I don't care if I suffer more until I do. I'm going home."

“Mighty goddess, do not be angry with me over this. I myself know very well Penelope, although intelligent, is not your match                                          to look at, not in stature or in beauty. But she’s a human being and you’re a god. You’ll never die or age. But still I wish, every moment to get back to my home,                                                       to see the day of my return. And so, even if out there on the wine-dark sea some god breaks me apart, I will go on— the heart here in my chest is quite prepared to bear affliction. I’ve already had so many troubles, and I’ve worked so hard                                  through waves and warfare. Let what’s yet to come be added in with those.”

(Book 5, Johnston)

Circe's a goddess and what happened is nothing like Dionysus and Ariadne and Apollo and Hyacinthus for example. Circe never gave Odysseus a crown of stars and he would never go out of his way to kill 120 people for bothering her. They did not love each other and he can't refuse as she's a goddess.

If you interpret them sleeping together the entire year,(It's only explicitly said that they had sex once so that's what I go with personally.) that doesn't mean he was happy with it! Even then, the whole situation is not what a healthy FwB should look like! I'm asexual and even I know that no one in a FwB situation should have to BEG in any way that basically says "Please let me go or kill me" with supplication!!! The fact that he leaves so quickly he forgets one of his men? The fact that during Elpenor's funeral, he doesn't greet Circe himself? He was avoiding her. Wouldn't he want to get "one last night together" during Book 12 if they were fwb? 🙄

It's bonkers to me that people hate him for being a "cheater" when A.) having multiple lovers wasn't uncommon in Ancient Greece, and B.) the two people he is explicitly said to have "cheated" with, weren't his choice. He wasn't actively searching for pretty women either!!!

As mentioned, while it was common for men to have many lovers, Odysseus never had any listed unlike some of the other men. (not bashing any of them. I'm just making a point in comparison.) He also has no other children besides Telemachus in Homer's works. There's no evidence of him having other lovers other than speculation. (funny enough, I once read somewhere that the reason why Odysseus is so mean is because he doesn't "bond" enough with the other soldiers. 😂)

Does that mean he didn't have other lovers? Technically, Nope! It's just never explicitly stated either way. He has slaves but none were ever said to be concubines or that he sleeps with them. He has deep bonds with his fellow soldiers but that doesn't mean he sleeps with them. That doesn't mean people can't write or talk about him doing so even though it's not mentioned! Just like it also means that someone can write him not doing so as there's nothing that says it either way in Homer's Works! :D

It's fucked up when people say "He didn't try to leave Calypso enough" or something of the like. It just tells you how A.) they didn't read the Odyssey or have piss on the poor reading comprehension or B.) ...you should probably stay away from that person...

With Circe though??? I can understand the confusion but digging deeper and looking at the text, he wasn't having a good time. Or at the very least was walking on Eggshells the whole time. I hate bringing up that essay over and over again but like...I literally wrote everything there.

I also don't like how people take Circe's morally gray-ness away from her. Let her do something fucked up to be fucked up!!! Let her traumatize Odysseus!

Idk, I kind of hate that I'm "known" for this but I relate to this idiot asshole a lot and it means a lot to me that his story, despite what happens to him, has a happy ending :'D

[rashomonss]

A HUMANS WRATH

Part XI

previous part

taglist: @miridiums-writing, @zerchila, @aeongiies, @xmoogx, @coffeeandtealol, @food-lover9000, @l0diluvs, @vichsy, @valeriele3, @entolomaeden, @acaribeau, @sillybeanzo, @jessiegerl, @capricorn-anon, @crescentworld, @g-l-1-t-c-h-3-r, @chumbinhoeba, @chaos-n-kindness, @strawberryfire17, @zenxvii, @misscaller06, @luminarysol @simpinginthecorner, @your-next-daydream, @bontensbabygirl, @crxwned-mxnarch

a/n: so this is totally unrelated to the story and obey me entirely but if any of you are bsd enjoyers did y’all read chapter 107?? y’all almost didn’t get a new chapter of this story bc of that damn chapter. it made me want to jump off the nearest 50ft building. I wanted to die after reading that fr, so bc asagri made me cry we’re getting double angst for this chapter. anyway I’m done with my rant now enjoy!

oh and p.s. I’m putting which perspective you’re reading as since some found it confusing last chapter. the original is og MC, and the wrathful human is wrath! MC just in case it’s confusing!

warnings: slightly longer chapter, lesson 16 spoilers, descriptions of dying, choking, mentions of blood, abuse of pacts (slightly)

a success for one side

The perspective of the original

“Lucifer was there really no other way we could have done that?” Levi asked, struggling to get up off the ground. His whole body ached and blood dripped from his mouth pooling onto the planetarium ground in heavy amounts.

“Levi close yer mouth, you're gonna lose more blood if ya keep it open” Mammon said, making his way over to his younger brother.

“Yeah there could have been a different way of doing this, we’re not all masochists, like you Lucifer” Satan spat. Blood then fell from his nose onto his shirt and he cursed in response.

“In my defense I never agreed to this” Asmo yelled. “My whole body is covered in bruises and blood Lucifer! I have a photoshoot on Monday!”

“Belphie’s out cold” Beel said, moving closer to his twin ignoring the blood falling from his face.

“That’s no surprise, Mc really did a number on him. I wouldn't be surprised if he was out for a few hours because of it.” Satan sighed.

“I’ll take him to your room, Beel.” Lucifer said, walking over to pick up the youngest.

“Lucifer ya look like you're gonna fall over” Mammon said watching the oldest slowly walk over to their younger brother.

“I’m fine,” He stated. “For now we should focus on cleaning ourselves up and heading after Mc”

“I doubt Mc wants to see us right now…” Levi sighed.

“Levi, close your mouth” Mammon yelled as blood began to fall on him.

“Ahh!” Levi screamed.

Mammon sighed and helped Levi and the rest of his brothers get up after Lucifer left with Belphie. If he’s being honest he doesn’t remember much of what happened due to blacking out halfway through your wrath episode. After you were done he and his brothers each woke up laying on the floor with pools of blood surrounding them.

He honestly didn’t like Lucifer’s plan of taunting you into a pact, but sacrifices had to be made if they wanted you to stay here.

You needed to stay here.

More often then he and his brothers would like to admit they really did miss their Mc. However they did love and enjoy your company just as much. Their only wish was that their Mc was just like you.

Interacting and having fun with you was always bittersweet in a sense since it reminded them of a time before the incident, a happier time before everything went downhill.

If only you could have forgiven them.

It didn’t matter how much they did miss their own Mc, because they were going to keep you here in their place. You reminded them of the personality they were used to, it was as if this other version of you currently with them had completely forgotten about the incident and moved on with their life.

Sure you had a breakdown or two about your feelings but they sincerely apologized about what happened and you forgave them, causing them to finally be able to move on as well.

They all believed everything was going great, after all you never complained or spoke about anything being wrong with them so they were blind to the truth. You went along with everything and anything they did which made them desire your attention and affection more. These demons were so touch starved for you to the point of it becoming a problem.

However they weren’t going to lie, seeing you that upset really did hurt them. Most of them disagreed with Lucifer’s first plan to make a pact with you, and the second plan made the brothers split in half. The third and last plan was the one they currently just carried out.

It was because Lucifer had the bright idea to upset you so much that you’d finally be willing to make a pact with him for your enjoyment. Belphie also making a pact with you was a bonus, after all the youngest finally got what he wanted, even if it did cost him.

As Mammon finally finished cleaning up Levi and a few more of his brothers he couldn’t help but wonder where you were heading off too. You mentioned you had something to do after you dealt with them, he just couldn’t remember what it was…

After leaving the House of Lamentation you stormed in the direction of the Demon Lord's Castle, with the intent of speaking to the prince and his butler. Nothing but pure rage filled your thoughts as you clenched your bloody fists. You were going to demand them to send you back to your timeline no matter what.

As you reached the door to the castle you prepared to knock, however before you even got the chance the door opened revealing a smiling Barbatos on the other side.

“Good evening Mc, what brings you here? If I’m not mistaken I don’t remember arranging for you to come over.”

“I need to speak with Diavolo.” You simply stated, right now you were not in the mood to make small talk with the butler.

“Ah well we should get you cleaned up first and foremost you appear to be bleeding” Barbatos said reaching for your hand.

Reluctantly you let him take it and examine the condition of your bloodied hands and arms. “Don’t worry about it, it's not my blood anyway.” You said pulling away.

Barbatos’ eyes widened just the slightest as he gave you a surprised look before trying to speak again, only to get cut off by the prince himself.

“Mc are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” Diavolo asked, slightly frantically as he made his way over to you pushing his butler aside in the process.

“Like I said previously I’m fine. I’m not the one you should be asking that question too anyway”

Diavolo looked confused then spoke. “What do you mean? Did you happen to get into a fight with some demons? Where are the brothers..?”

“At the House of Lamentation. Listen I didn’t come here to talk about them I came here to ask for help Dia”

“Of course Mc, but first I need to ask, what’s wrong? Are you in any danger of some sorts, if you are I assure you Barbatos and I can take care of it”

You sighed before speaking. How were you to go about telling the demon prince himself that you were from a different timeline? Your Barbatos told you not to mention that detail at all costs because it could somehow affect the future, however you didn’t know how much longer you could stay in a place like this. This timeline was beginning to bring out parts of yourself you tried so hard to keep hidden, who knows what else it could cause you to do if you stayed here any longer…

“I am not your Mc.” You stated.

Diavolo and Barbatos shared a confused glance at each other before you continued.

“I’m from a different timeline where different events have occurred, but somehow I got switched with your Mc from this timeline. I need your help to get back before I cause anymore damage here then I already have.”

It was silent for a few seconds, and the two who were standing in front of you stared at you with blank faces. Seconds soon turned into minutes and you began to get worried since neither of them showed any signs of responding.

Anxious now you prepared to defend your words until Diavolo smiled and walked towards you, with Barbatos soon following behind.

“Oh Mc, don’t worry I believe you, after all I could tell right away that you weren’t from here!” Diavolo laughed.

“Is that so…?” You said awkwardly.

“Of course! You’re much nicer and more understanding than our Mc. Your personality sticks out like a sore thumb in comparison. And it’s a bit suspicious when I get glares and eye rolls one day and a hug and nickname the next. No human I’ve met changes personalities that fast.”

“Ah I see…so then I take it you’ll help me get back?”

“Oh I think you misunderstand, I never said that.” Diavolo smiled.

“What?” You replied, taking a small step back.

“See, with you here the exchange program is producing wonderful results! Better than I expected actually. Well that and everyone here seems to enjoy your presence, including me. So you wouldn’t want to leave us so soon now, would you?” Diavolo said, invading your personal space. The demon prince was speaking with such a friendly tone it was as if you were having tea with him and joking around.

“I have to go home, I need to go home. Please believe me you all are wonderful but this isn’t where I belong. I feel suffocated here, and to be frank I don’t feel the same way I feel about my demons when I’m with you all.”

Diavolo frowned and sighed. “It’s okay, you’ll feel the same in due time, after all we’re all very alike right?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you glared back at him. “No I won’t. I refuse to stay here because you don’t have a good relationship with your Mc. You need to figure out what the fuck you did wrong and fix it.”

“Don’t drag me here as a replacement to fix all your problems. Because if you do that then you are just like them. You have no concern for our feelings whatsoever.” You spat.

Barbatos then returned your glare and made his way towards you. “I understand you’re upset but I would appreciate it if you didn’t speak to the young master in such a manner. Don’t forget your place Mc.”

“That’s enough Barbatos.” Diavolo said, putting his hand up.

“If Mc won’t comply then we’ll just take them by force.”

“No you won-“

“Please don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be Mc.” Diavolo said, and that was the last thing you heard before blacking out.

_____

The perspective of a wrathful human

You were on top of Belphegor on the floor as he weakly tried to pry your hands from his throat. The demon in front of you was hanging onto what little conscience he had left as he watched your face morph into a smile.

“How does it feel to have your throat crushed by someone you so dearly placed your trust in?”

Belphegor let out a choked noise in response.

“Does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I’m sure it must be very unpleasant” you said, then proceeded to lean down applying more pressure onto his throat.

Belphegor began to bleed from his mouth as you laughed. You kept spitting out nonsense about killing him as he tried to get you off, so in the process you proceeded to get his blood all over your arms.

This scene in general didn’t look too pleasant from afar, so you can believe the brothers utter shock when they busted through the planetarium doors frantic, at the sound of choking and laughing.

At first they feared the worst and thought it to be you choking and being killed again, however nothing could have prepared them upon seeing you bloodied and on top of the youngest brother.

Belphie looked utterly horrible. His complexion was paler than usual and the corners of his mouth began to turn purple and blue accompanied by red blood falling from the side.

When he heard his brothers enter the room his head instantly turned to face them and he unconsciously reached out for them.

After a second of silence due to trying to process the situation Lucifer and Beel were soon darting towards your direction faster than you had ever seen them. In seconds flat they were ripping you off of the youngest who was still out if it.

“Mc what in the Devildom is wrong with you?” Lucifer yelled, grabbing tightly onto one of your arms. He tried his best not to hurt you, but seeing his brother being strangled by you really set him off.

“Mc stop it now” Beel said, slightly raising his voice as he grabbed your other arm. He didn’t want to see you two fight, it broke his heart. The two people he cared about the most were going at it again, he couldn’t lose Belphie, but he didn’t want to let his temper get the best of him and end up hurting you too.

“Get off of me you damn demons” you screamed as they held you up.

“Mc calm down.” Lucifer said, grabbing your arm tighter than before.

“Shut up! I’m going to kill him, he deserves it”

“Mc stop!” Asmo yelled from afar.

“No, you don’t know what it's like, any of you!”

“What in the Devildom are you going on about Mc?” Lucifer said, at this point he was soon reaching a breaking point with you and this tantrum.

“You don’t know what it feels like to be killed do you?”

“To have your throat crushed. Or to feel as if your lungs are on fire from the lack of oxygen in your system. After that is the horrible headache and throbbing pain that consumes your head and your thinking. In a state of panic like that you then feel your limbs become limp as you try and free yourself. However due to the lack of strength you can’t do anything except deal with what fate has in store for you.”

“Dying is absolutely terrifying”

“However what makes everything even worse is the fact that afterwards I have to live in the same house with the same demon who put me through all of that and pretend everything is just fine. When in fact everything is just worse”

Lucifer and Beel’s grip on you had losend the slightest as they watched you squirm. Upon hearing your words they swallowed hard, trying to come up with some type of response, but before any of them could continue you began to speak again.

“If I kill him it will all be over.”

“What will killing Belphie accomplish, Mc.” Beel asked, then tightened his grip on your arm.

“Everything! All the nightmares will finally go away, all the panic attacks and breakdowns will stop. And maybe, just maybe I can have a normal conversation with other demons without my body being terrified for my life. Maybe I can be touched by a demon and not have my skin feel as if it will burn itself. Everything will be better once he’s gone” you screamed, trying your best to get free from the two brothers' hold.

The brothers stared at you in silence as they took in the severity of your words. Had you really suffered this much without them knowing? Had their Mc gone through this as well…? How long before their Mc got over it?

Did they ever get over it? How did their Mc feel about the whole situation, they never got to talk about it after all.

How many nights did they wake up in a cold sweat with tears streaming down their face, or how many nights did they stay up because they couldn’t sleep due to the nightmares?

You went through all this trauma by yourself without any of them being there to comfort you, no wonder you were upset.

However while the brothers were all thinking deeply about your words you were on an adrenaline high with no signs of coming down soon.

“Let go of me and stay out of the way. All six if you” you shouted.

The tone was that of a command, and no later than a second you were free and heading back to the youngest as fast as you could.

Lucifer cursed himself for letting his guard down, their whole purpose was to make sure you didn’t use the pacts but that plan failed.

As you jumped back onto Belphegor you punched him in the face causing blood to spill out the other side of his mouth.

“Mc stop please, don��t hurt Belphie” Beel yelled, trying his best to break free from the pact.

It was no use because his words fell on deaf ears. You were too busy beating the shit out of the demon you were on top of.

Belphie accepted what you were doing with an occasional grunt here and there as you continued to punch his face. He did feel bad, he felt horrible honestly, but if this made you feel better then he was willing to let you get all your anger out. After all he deserved it, is what he believed.

As the youngest brothers face continued to get bloodied, some of his brothers looked away while others tried their best to speak to you, Beel was the only one who was struggling to break free so that he could save Belphegor.

“Mc…” you faintly heard from the demon in front of you.

“What do you want? Don’t tell me you’re giving up already, I’m not done with you yet.”

“Please hear me out really quick, i promise it’ll be fast” he spoke dryly.

You gave him another punch before stopping for a brief moment. “Well get on with it”

Belphegor cleared his throat and tried to sit up the best he could to look you in the eyes. Sighing he then spoke.

“I understand it’s very selfish of me to tell you something like this, but I really want you to hear me out.”

You raised your eyebrows and then he continued.

“Mc I’m so sorry. Truly I really am, I was wrong about humans, I was wrong about everything. After Lilith’s death I was filled with so much anger towards humans. However I realize now that I shouldn’t have taken it out on you because you were only trying to help.”

“I never apologized to you after because I was too scared of what you would say. I was too scared you’d never forgive me so I swept it under the rug and tried to pretend it never happened. I’m just a damn coward. Only now did I realize my brothers and I didn’t ask how you felt. We just went on with life leaving you to deal with all the trauma.”

“I apologize because you should have never had to go through an event as traumatic as dying. I didn’t realize all those things you dealt with were because of me so I want you to know I’ll try my best to fix them now, if you’ll let me. If not then I accept whatever punishment you have in mind. “

“I just want you to know from the bottom of my heart I really am truly sorry. I love you so much Mc and if you forgive me then great, however I don’t expect you to. It’s selfish of me to ask you to make that decision, so I promise to deal with whatever you want to do, if it’ll make you happy”

You felt tears fall from your eyes onto the floor making it a darker color than it previously was. However you couldn’t figure out why you were crying. How long has it been since you actually cried like this?

You hit Belphie again as tears continued to fall, but this time your hits were much lighter and softer so they didn’t actually hurt the seventh born.

“Mc, I-“

“Shut up!”

You screamed. You didn’t want to hear him right now, you didn’t want to face the fact that an apology such as that one actually was sincere and filled with emotion, unlike the halfhearted apologies your demons gave you.

You now had to come to terms with the fact that you had finally gotten an apology from the heart like you had wanted. To you it didn't matter if they were your demons or not, all that matters was that Belphegor had finally apologized.

Belphie opened his arms and smiled, waiting patiently for a hug. Your eyes went wide as you stared at him for a moment, and after what felt like forever you slowly inched closer to him,

Hesitantly you leaned forward slowly into the hug, and once you hit his chest he engulfed you with his arms. You freaked out for a second but he reassured you that he was happy you chose to hug him.

“Mc thank you for trusting me like this.” Belphie said.

You held your head low and sighed before speaking.

“Just because I let you touch me doesn’t mean everything is magically better, you demons are so naive.”

Next part

a/n: so how are we finding about this chapter? there are a few things I do want to ask if you did notice, and a couple questions I have for y’all, you can think about these or just answer in the comments! i just want to understand what y’all think is all!

- first off, what do you think og MC did to the brothers to leave them that beat up?

- can you find the lesson 16 dialogue in the second part of this chapter?

- did you notice how wrath! MC was just happy with heartfelt apology? It didn’t matter if it was from their demons or the ones in the og timeline, unlike the og MC who didn’t quite feel filled with the other brothers apology.

- and lastly would you personally, forgive Belphie after an apology like that?

thanks for reading! <3

[winterisol]

"tenho medo da minha cabeça"

inspired of "Medo do Medo" by O Terno Rosquez AU (BIG ANGST) Warnings death, depression

So this is a really dark idea I've been playing around with for a while involving the whole 2015 divorce.

So the title of this fic literally means "I'm scared of my head" and I would like a fic where it applies to both Vale and Marc in 2015.

I would say by the beginning of 2014 these two are fucking, maybe even dating. Its like those shallow high school relationships, and probably with an unhealthy power dynamic. But over time its clear that those power dynamics are in place, not because Marc is any less than Vale, but is willing to give Vale that power because Marc loves and trust Valentino that much. And maybe that is part of the reason the divorce happens.

Young and emotional Marc giving his heart a little bit too easily V. Valentino Rossi, a man famous for his commitment issues.

Starting with Assen, Valentino begins to doubt Marc, aka being delulu, starting to believe maybe they aren't as buddy buddy as Marc acts in front of the camera. (Though he is really looking for more of an excuse to put distance between them)

Typical 2015 and then bam the Philip Island conference. I think Marc searches Valentino out after the conference, hoping it was all some joke, only for Valentino to be cruel and cutting, maybe poking at some of Marc's biggest insecurities. Perhaps Valentino says Marc is "dangerous" that he's "reckless" but the words that hurt the most is that Marc was "dumb" to "fall in love" and that Valentino "never loved him." (This is categorically untrue but so is a lot of the other BS vale says, so yeah). If I really want to go darker, maybe Valentino even says, that he knew Marc was dangerous the day he crashed out in 2011, you know the crash. The crash that almost killed and ended Marc's whole career.

Anyway, Marc is definitely in his head, but tries to use Sepang as a way to get back at Vale. Just like in IRL, this backfires, Valentino kicking Marc off his bike and the divorce is finalized.

Marc is now completely lost in thoughts, perhaps second guessing every aspect of his relationship with Valentino. I think there are a few incidents leading up to the finale. There is of course journalists trying to break into Marc's family home. People yelling things at him on track, at the paddock even at the airport. He has security to following him constantly, and everything is a lot. But I think Valencia is where shit truly hits the fan.

It's suppose to be a home race for Marc, a race in his country, Spain. But even here, he's jeered, people abuse him and it feels like no matter where he goes, no on likes him, because no one is greater than Valentino Rossi.

Following the end of the season Marc falls into a depressive rut not even his mother or brother can drag him out of. He feels lost and not in control, which only panics and depresses him more (another control freak). It's like a negative feedback loop, and he just wallows for weeks.

Then finally, for some reason, maybe it's after Alex cries begging his brother to be happy again, Marc tries to go about life again. But he's an empty husk, just going through the motions of a person who no longer exists.

Perhaps its at the beginning year test in Sepang. Marc is riding, and even while riding the thoughts seem to not go away. Perhaps he loses focus because of the biting feelings of depression, or even worse he's silently wishing to just die already. Either way, he crashes, letting the front slide and the rear lift, throwing him head first into the tarmac.

I think Marc passes away basically on impact (idk how realistic it is with these types of crashes). Perhaps there is a mistake with the medic team, pre-season testing and everything leading to the correct safety measure not being taken. He's basically lying there on circuit, slowly dying, brain turning fog, but his last thought is that he's thankful for the reprise (ouch).

His death is obviously a shock to the whole motorsport world. A young talent, the youngest motoGP world champion, the baby alien, a kid with so much more to live for. gone.

Then in Marc's motorhome as Alex's goes to sob on his brother's bed, he sees a series of papers. Marc wrote notes to him, his parents, his friends but also Jorge, Dani and Valentino. (These notes are NOT suicide notes, more like Marc trying to collect his thoughts, and doing it as letters to people he cares/cared about bcuz its easier that way. These notes were never intended to see the light of day)

Alex is obviously inconsolable, reading through it, realizing its less of a note to him, but a confession. Marc venting all his dark thoughts through a message to his younger brother, thinking that Alex would never find or hear these thoughts.

Then there are the letters to Dani, Jorge and Valentino.

These letters are apologies, Marc overthinking every mistake, trying to rationalize the reason for his loneliness.

Dani reads it and feels like a failure. Not being a good enough teammate, a good enough mentor, a good enough friend for Marc, who's only goal in life was to win and enjoy winning.

Jorge is furious at first, storming towards Valentino and yelling bloody murder, before throwing Vale's note at him. Jorge feeling guilty that he secondhandly caused the divorce.

And then Vale, is a mess. In every sense of the word, he almost withdraws from the first race of the season because of how messed up everything is. He feels, guilt, loss, despair but also an indescrible amount of regret. Not only is Marc dead, but they ended on such horrible terms. Valentino not only lost the love of his life, but let the love of his life believe that he was unlovable.

I think it takes the combined effort of Vale's friends (yes even Uccio) as well as a reconciliation with the Marquez family to make Valentino feel even remotely human again.

It's slow, and perhaps it ends with Valentino creating a small monument for Marc in his Ranch, which every February 17 at 12:00 AM he leaves a bouquet of forgetmenots and daisies.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

What theories do you have with season 2 or what do you think is going to happen hazbin hotel?

None of my theories are super fleshed out but I do have some concerning theories that I really hope do not happen, the biggest is how Vox’s character will be written.

Warning for stuff about Raphielle and their grossass fetishes

Judging by a “fan animatic” they did to that Valentino fansong, I’m worried their portrayal of Vox is going to bleed into the show, aka where he jerks off to Angel Dust being raped. Genuinely if they do this I don’t know what I’m going to do. Vivzie and Raph can’t seem to think of any other way to write a villain rather than make them a rapist or make the character have a rape fetish themself. It’s horrible and lazy writing. If you can’t write an interesting villain, you’re a bad writer. If you can’t keep your fetishes out of your shows, you’re a bad writer. If you can’t handle genuine criticism of your insanely offensive show and characters, you’re a bad writer.

I hardly believe I’ll canonise much of anything from S2 for my rewrite when it comes out. My version of Vox will not ever stoop to the level of whatever the fuck Vivzie does with him. Even the way I write Valentino isn’t absolutely trash. Yeah, he’s still horrid, but I’m not treating him like some silly background character with mildly scary scenes and shock value. Treat him with the severity he brings from the actions he does. End of story.

Somewhat aside from the Vee’s, I hope they do fun things with Sir Pentious. They set up that whole double agent thing for him just to drop it the same episode and yeah I guess to be like “but people can be redeemed guys.. 🥺” okay? Thats a real fuckin mundane thing to focus on for his redemption though? Talk about like. Actual bad shit. Like all the murder. Seems a bit more important? Anyway, I think having Pentious somehow be a double agent in Heaven and provide information to the cast down in hell would be cool. No idea how they’d do that but I’d the idea is fun.

I also have a suspicion that Angel might be the second person to be redeemed although I hope not. For as much “character development” as he’s gotten for some reason, it’s all been incredibly half-assed. He’s hardly fixed himself at all and all of his progress was offscreen. There’s no way he sang a song with Husk on the street and that just suddenly stopped his drug addiction. That’s not how addictions work. Trust me I fuckin wish I could’ve sang a song and been cured from that kinda shit but unfortunately it just is not like that.

Photo I made to express my grievances.

Husk and Angel are also likely gonna date or whatever, personally I’m horrified if this is true because Vivzie is Vivzie and I don’t think she knows what slowburn actually means. I’d wait for like a third season before even starting that stuff but like I guess as long as it isn’t horrifically abusive??? Idk.

Dropped my wallet while writing this and im blaming it on the shows existence

Oh also I think Valentino might die, thats about it

[sorcerersseestars]

 his eyes, your ears [part iv]

series masterlist

Gojo Satoru x reader

summary: There was a time when you called him best friend, but those days escaped you long ago. There’s no way he’s alive – right? With the depth of his betrayal still lingering in your heart and mind, what would his reappearance spell for your life?

pairing: gojo satoru x gn! reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort

fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

warnings: cursing, lowkey a little mental torture, TW! s*xual a*sault (forced kiss), violence!!, one instance of vomiting (sry), immoral and creepy Geto, reader is kinda anxious nonstop (like writer like reader?), some details are non-canon (a/n 2.0 at end explains), also it’s slow for the first half but picks up I promise, I think I made Geto sound British???, also I made Hanami act like a mom kinda 💀 uh…im going to call it comic relief?

word count: 6.7k. oof.

a/n: I am literally SO SORRY that this has been sitting in my drafts for so long but… life happens! Along those lines – I wrote 1/2 of this in September and 1/2 of it in May, so it might be a bit disjointed sorryyy hehe

“I didn’t ask for this.”

“Then you’ll have to live with disappointment,” He flashes you an all-too-pleased-with-himself smile. “Becaaause it’s totally permanently in your phone now.”

You roll your eyes. “Yeah, right. As if I wouldn’t be able to delete a contact.”

He has a devilish smirk on his face, but his voice is annoyingly innocent and cheerful. “Go ahead, try!”

You gasp. “Gojo! Did you jailbreak my new phone?!”

“Uh, uh! That not what my contact reads as!” He snatches your phone from your hands, and points a large finger to the tiny name on your screen. “It’s ‘My Beloved Best Friend Satoru’!”

“Satoru,” You say dangerously. “Erase this or I’ll erase you from existence.”

He chuckles. “Oh, I’d love to see you try. You’re cute when you try to beat me.”

Your mouth opens and closes as you try to find words, and you try to ignore the heat on your cheeks. “S-Satoru! You asshole, give me my phone back!”

He holds it high above your head, a wide smile lingering on his face. He’s having way too much fun with this. You jump, trying to swat it out of his hand, but to no avail.

“Why did you even do this?” You grumble, sighing. “What, is it ‘how many ways can I torture (Y/N) in the span of a few hours’ day?”

He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You’re weak, remember? You gotta have me on speed dial if you want to survive in this line of work.”

First, your eyes widen at his blunt statement. Then you sigh again, this time a bit sadly. “Wow, you have so much faith in me…thanks.”

“You never know what’s out there,” Gojo says. “If you ever have any trouble, call me.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “Is this a prank? I thought you hated ‘helping the weak’.”

“I’m serious, (Y/N),” He says firmly. “I’ll always pick up. Abuse the privilege, whatever, I don’t care. Just don’t die.”

Your head snaps towards him, mouth hanging open with shock. “Satoru, what…? I’m not going to…”

You fall silent. There’s no guarantee of that.

He steps closer to you, closer than what you’d consider friendly. Your heart skips a beat.

“Just do it, okay? I’ll always be on the other end.”

Always, huh? But now…

Ring, ring, ring. You bite your lip, pressing your phone hard against your ear, as if his voice will appear if you wish it enough. Ring, ring, ring.

“Please…” You whisper. “Come on, come on.”

Your breath hitches as the distinctive timbre of Satoru’s voice fills your ear, but your shoulders fall almost immediately.

“Hey, sorry I’ve missed your call! If you close your eyes, recite my name five times, and spin around twice, I might get back to ya! No exceptions – not even–”

You sigh and hang up before you’re put through to voice mail. It’s not like he’ll listen to it, anyway.

He’s been avoiding you. You haven’t seen him for days – six, to be exact. It’s been five days since Shoko deemed you well enough to recover at home, despite the worryingly slow rate that your cursed energy has been returning. You were released with the promise you wouldn’t exert yourself and absolutely would not use any cursed energy. All the while, you had childishly held two crossed fingers behind your back – your promise was as empty as you felt.

You should have expected this; this shouldn’t hurt so much. Gojo is the strongest sorcerer the world has seen for hundreds of years. He never runs from his foes – he doesn’t need to. When it comes to facing emotions, however, he is all but mighty. Whenever his emotions run high, overflowing until they begin to leak out into broad daylight, he turns tail and practically erases himself from existence. It’s nearly impossible to find him – he mysteriously leaves no trace, even for an experienced tracker like you.

You left Shoko with an empty smile and promise, and Gojo has done just the same. Despite him swearing that he’d be back to see you, Gojo is nowhere to be found. You’ve dropped by at the school multiple times, even asking his students if they knew of his whereabouts, but nobody has been able to give you an answer.

He’s been dodging your calls, letting it ring until his chirpy voicemail message mocks you. The text messages you leave go unread, unopened.

When you hopelessly reopen your chat with him, you can’t help but bite yoru nails as you stare at the wall of blue on your screen. Message after message – unfinished thoughts, apologies, words full of urgency and desperation – are left by trembling hands bloodied by your own worry.

‘I’m the strongest,’ He always says, so why does fear spike in your veins at the thought of Geto finding him? 

Even though his own arrogant words ring through your head, you can’t quell the anxiety that threatens to wreak havoc over your fragile state. You’re worried, so worried, and it bleeds into the rest of your life: you’re all over the place, constantly forgetting appointments and important items, you are inexplicably tense, your breathing is constantly shallow and quick; you’re barely holding yourself together.

A few days ago, you had your meeting with Yaga, alone, which went just as horribly as you could have imagined, but you were thankfully spared contact with the higher-ups due to your condition.

But you’re almost all better now – at least physically. That’s why you’re back again, ready for another round of manipulation and abuse.

You’re out of it, so out of it. Your eyes are glazed over, and nothing they say registers in your mind. Even when you try to focus on the words leaving their mouths, your brain filters it all back into mindless noise.

There’s a sequence of very familiar syllables: ah, your name is being shouted. You look up with empty eyes, blinking slowly.

“Useless sorcerer, answer me, now!” Gakuganji roars. “You are testing our patience, and I’ve just about run out of it. Can you track him, or not?”

You breathe in shakily, and let out a weak, clueless, “What?”

“Track him, or they’re dead,” He spits. “Track Geto Suguru. Find him. We won’t wait long. If you haven’t reported back in a week, your parents won’t be able to enjoy their retirement any longer.”

Some of the other council members shift uncomfortably at his bluntness, but you barely even flinch.

You’re so tired of it all. You almost wish you had encouraged Gojo to just off them once and for all.

“Okay,” You mumble softly, lacking the energy to project your voice. “I can do it. I will track Geto Suguru.”

You drag yourself out without acknowledging them, without any show of respect, but the thought of caring is lost on you. Your apathy leaves a trail of displeased whispers, but you don’t even notice.

You speed-dial his number again and again and again, and are returned with nothing but the taunt of his cheerfully recorded memo.

When you finally look away from his contact info burning your retinas, your gaze is trained on the clear sky. It shouldn’t be so vivid, shouldn’t be so beautiful – today should be overcast and rainy. You can’t help but frown, but your eyes remain on the heavens.

Then you’re granted a sight that usually coaxes a smile out of you no matter how you feel: a particularly large gust of wind lays out a collection of reddening autumn leaves against the azure sky. They swirl and dance in the breeze, hovering in your field of vision for a few more moments before they are whipped away. 

It’s a sign of the changing of seasons – it has always been one of your favorite times of the year, especially during your years at Tokyo Jujutsu High. The rapid approach of the holidays and the time spent training with your classmates in the chilly air has always enlivened you.

Today, this sight drives fat tears to roll down your cheeks. It just serves to remind you of the juxtaposition between those blissful times and these turbulent times: the weight of Geto’s betrayal, his subsequent death, his impossible revival.

You turn your head to the side, eyes tracking the leaves as they dance into the distance. 

“So I’m really doing this then,” You whisper to yourself. “Yeah, guess I am. You’re not here to stop me…”

They’re far from Tokyo, much further than they were before. That much is obvious from the start, when you first scour for their residuals. After a disappointing first try by Jujutsu High - you shouldn’t expected much, anyway - you decide to return to their last known location: the forest you nearly were obliterated in. You dread returning there, but you have little choice unless you want to do a whole lot of guesswork.

You drive yourself there. Usually, you would be accompanied by your usual driver Ijichi, but the thought of asking him didn’t even cross your mind. In the eyes of the Jujutsu world, this is a suicide mission. You’re well aware of that: so why involve anyway else unnecessarily, risking innocent lives?

You’re grateful for the calming scenery that blurs by: miles and miles of inhabited land, solely occupied by woodland’s creatures. Hardly any curses are present in the countryside, as there are no humans to feed off of. Those special grades you faced were certainly the exception.

You pull over to the edge of the forest once you sense a steady stream of cursed energy. The residual energy is at least a week old - just around the time of your unfortunate encounter with them. You close your eyes and carefully sift through all of the cursed energy signatures left behind, immediately identifying Hanami’s and Jogo’s faint residuals. There’s one stronger energy, and very familiar: Satoru’s cursed energy.

His cursed energy is so easy to pick out, no matter where you are. It’s so bright and lively, practically humming under your fingers every time you sense it, almost as if it were your own.

But there’s a shadow – his energy shadows another. You concentrate, sensing an underlying current of a more recent energy. Your eyes fly open, startled by your discovery. It is much fresher than the others: the residuals are only a few days old.

Its signature is both unknown and yet alarmingly familiar. It’s dark, so dark. Its energy chokes you, holds you hostage with the way it starts to stick to you and steal your courage with its oppressiveness. You’ve never felt an energy quite like this, yet it feels all too familiar.

You begin to shake, the reality sinking in. “Geto…. Just what have you become?”

You shakily clamber back into the driver’s seat, firmly gripping the steering wheel with sweaty hands. Geto was here. Geto knows that you and Satoru were in the same vicinity as Jogo and Hanami. There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t know — you carelessly hadn’t wiped your residuals or even tried to cover your tracks.

You step on the gas. You keep your cursed energy flowing as you speed down the road, revealing a murky trail of residuals to follow. His cursed energy is so distinctly foul that you can pick it out from the rest with little effort. It’s overwhelming and makes you nauseous. Cursed with a twist of familiarity – a sickening combination.

Your mind begins to race. Is this how Gojo felt back then? No, it must have been so much worse, tracking one of your soulmates down with the intent to…to kill. And now you’re being forced to track him down again, just so the higher-ups can order Gojo to repeat history, just so your best friends will be forced to fight until one is–

You jerk the steering wheel over, making for a rough pull-over job. You throw yourself out of the car as quickly as possible before retching your stomach’s contents out onto the dark pavement.

The old wounds in your heart flare up; you clutch your chest desperately.

You are not strong enough to protect your parents - but are you strong enough to survive the alternative, the reality you and Gojo can’t help but deny?

“I have to,” You whisper to yourself. “I have to do this. I have no power in this world, I’m not the strongest…so this is all I can do.”

And so you are off again, this time unwavering from the course you’re set on.

By the time you reach Kyoto, an untimely five hours of panicked driving later, their residuals are so apparent that you hardly have to try. It’s almost as if they’re luring you in, the most sensitive tracker known in the Jujutsu world; why else would they leave behind such obvious traces of their cursed energy?

You ignore your instincts that scream for you to turn back, and instead continue into the outskirts of the most outer part of the residential areas – the residuals lead you far from the city itself.

As you venture further into the countryside, your stomach begins to clench. The residuals are much stronger now, but not alarmingly so. They should still be miles and miles out, perhaps 40 or 50 – there should be enough distance to not alert them of your presence. However, as a precaution, you stretch your hearing beyond the range of any normal human. You still feel unsettled, even with the extra layer of protection.

This is dumb. This is a terrible idea. Yet, you keep your foot firmly on the gas pedal.

You are suddenly flooded with an overwhelming wave of noise. Your brain barely has a second to process what your ears pick up: the roar of an object hurtling towards your car. You swerve to the roadside, and you’re barely fast enough: the driver’s side door is nearly scraped off, and it begins to smolder.

It shouldn’t be possible. They shouldn’t be here. Not again.

Running on pure adrenaline, you rip your seatbelt off and throw yourself to the passenger’s side door, seeking an escape from the next impending strike. Your hearing is more sensitive from your frenzied state, and you hear the next meteor much earlier this time. You rely on your hearing, on your hearing only: it will tell you where to dodge.

You climb out of the car, wheezing on smoke and fumes, and take off running. You gasp at the sound of the next meteor closing in on you and quickly dive away, throwing yourself to the ground and covering your head with your hands. The explosion is so intense that even after reducing your hearing, you feel the shock reverberate through your body and overpower any other sensation you feel.

After the ringing in your ears lets up for a moment, you finally feel the aftermath of the blast: shards of heated rock are embedded in your side, scorching your skin. There’s no time to even think about it: you’re up and running away from the voices that soon enter your hearing.

“You imbecile! Do you always have to do the opposite of what you’ve been ordered?” The grating tones of Hanami enter your ears as he hisses at Jogo. “He said captured alive! Or would you rather face his wrath?”

Captured? So they had been expecting your arrival; it was a trap all along.

“Relax, I haven’t even made a scratch yet!” Jogo shouts back.

“You’re embarrassing yourself in many ways,” Hanami scoffs. “If your intention was to kill, I will begin to further doubt your abilities. I already had to rescue you from that sorcerer, or has your pea-brain already forgotten that failure after it fell off of your body?”

“Shut up already,” Jogo growls. “I got it, okay?”

You truly don’t know what to do. Your last encounter made it very clear that you are solely a tracker with limited offensive ability. Hell, you didn’t even try last time because you knew it be to utterly pointless – the result would turn out no better if you tried now. Two special grades against a Grade 1 sorcerer with Grade 2 offensive abilities? You don’t stand a chance in that regard.

They’re in too close of proximity to disguise your presence – cutting off your cursed energy would be pointless. There’s only one other trick up your sleeve to increase your chances of surviving if they do decide to attack again.

You feel their cursed energies so much more clearly – when you steal a glance behind yourself, you can faintly see them in the distance. Not good.

Jogo suddenly barks out a laugh. “Boss never said we couldn’t rough anybody up though, did he? Got you there, dumbass! Don’t try to stop me!”

Really not good.

There’s a sudden spike in cursed energy – and that energy is heading straight for you. You try to dodge, but your reaction is too late. You feel the heat even before the impact, and you decide you definitely need to utilize your other ability. It’s not perfect, nor is it a full-fledged technique yet, but you have little choice but to use it now.

You concentrate all your energy into the side that will take the hit, and imagine an impenetrable wall. You think of Gojo’s Infinity: the space that can never crossed, no matter how much force is exerted. You don’t have the ability to manipulate space like Gojo, but your shield imitates his impenetrability.

Jogo’s fiery body slams into your side. Your breath is instantly knocked out of you, and the searing pain returns. Your shield absorbs the brunt of the strike, but you’re still knocked back at least thirty feet. You tumble into the undergrowth, your back squarely hitting a tree in your path.

You can’t stop the howl that escapes your lungs, and the ragged breathing that follows.

“They tried to stop it! It wasn’t even a fraction of my power and they couldn’t stop it! And you’re telling me that Gojo Satoru is interested in them?” Jogo howls in laughter. “How pathetic!”

At your next blink, Jogo has materialized in front of you. You weakly stagger to the side, wanting to get away but knowing you can’t deep down. They’re just toying with you – if they decided to get rid of you, they’d be able to almost instantly.

Jogo shouts loudly, “So weak it makes me sick! You can only run away, huh? Boss is right – creatures like you are disgusting.”

He rushes forward again, and you rush to encase yourself in your imperfect shield. To your surprise, you are not struck down: instead, you’re…in his arms??

“Hanami! Since you won’t let me have anymore fun, I guess we should go back,” Jogo yells across the clearing to the other Special Grade.

A burst of petals flies past your eyes; Hanami emerges from a newly-grown patch of flowers. They don’t say anything, but they approach Jogo and stand right over his shoulder. Jogo eyes Hanami suspiciously.

“Why are you hovering over me?” Jogo grumbles. “Stay away, tree hugger.”

“It’s almost as if he knew you were going to pull this,” Hanami huffs. “There’s a reason I’ve been keeping an eye on you.”

“They’re alive, that was the only request. Did Boss put you up to that ‘good guy’ act, huh? Agh, such arrogant scum! Thinks he can tell me what to do?”

Despite your shield, Jogo’s heat begins to affect you. You cough violently, and when you glance at your hands you see rivulets of red.

“Yes, I think that’s accurate, considering you call him ‘Boss’. Now, hand them over before they go up in flames.”

Jogo grunts unhappily, but complies. You’re transferred to the rough bark limbs of the tree cursed spirit. Hanami sighs at the sight of your angry red burns, eyeing Jogo, “Such a barbaric curse…destructive to all life and environment.”

“HAH! You-!” Jogo guffaws. “I’ve see you uproot your own forests! Environmentally friendly my ass! Shut your trap.”

You wince from his loudness.

“So obnoxious, isn’t he? Well, you’re the lucky one here - you get to take a nap,” Hanami says. “Rest well before your…‘meeting’.”

Your pulse quickens at the expression on the curse’s face: a demented sort of excitement. There’s a sweet floral smell that falls over you, and then you begin to grow sleepy. Your eyelids start to flutter as you try to fight it – but you are eventually pulled deep into a dreamless sleep.

You are roused from your sleep by the touch of another. A hand on your forehead – a comforting presence. It’s warm, and familiar. You’re about to smile widely and look deep into his crystal eyes, but when your bleary eyes begin to focus, your heart stops.

There’s an easy, gentle smile on his face. His dark eyes shine brightly, but your own can’t help but drift to the obvious surgical scar running across his entire forehead.

Your reflexes kick in: you smack his hand away, rejecting the unwanted touch, and fall into a defensive stance. He lets out a hum of amusement, but otherwise does not react.

“My old friend,” Geto Suguru coos. “How wonderful it is to see you again. Never thought I’d be able to – what a gift your presence is, my dear.”

It’s then that you realize that you’re shaking; your chattering teeth render you unable to let any words out.

“Did Jogo and Hanami rough you up again? How rude of them,” He sighs. “But don’t be scared, it’s just your old friend Suguru.”

He stops to let his eyes roam over your hunched form. A sickening smirk spreads across his face – sickening because it’s just like the sweet smiles he used to give you.

“You know, you really are the best tracker around. I have to say, I’m quite impressed. Too bad I know all your little tricks, though. Did you like the surprise I set up especially for you?” He smirks. “It’s hard to catch such a talented tracker as you off guard, but I think I managed quite well. You didn’t detect a thing, did you? They were supposed to be much further away, I know…it’s fascinating, isn’t it, the feats you can achieve through sorcery?”

You only stare at him in horror.

“No? Well, I know at least Jogo enjoyed it,” He says with a soft laugh, but his next words cause icy chills to run down your spine. “But I think I enjoyed it the most. The look on your face…was perfect.”

Your stomach turns at his words. His gaze is even worse: there’s a hungry, disturbing glint to them. Your eyes flit from his sharp onyx eyes to his traditional wear: his inky yukata and gilded kasaya are elegant and beautiful, but emanate darkness.

“Forgot what I looked like? It has been a while, hasn’t it?” Geto smiles. His smile is soft and almost sweet, but out of place; its familiarity makes your stomach churn.

“You shouldn’t be here,” You finally speak, voice quiet and cracking. “You shouldn’t exist.”

“That’s a bit harsh, doll. I’m not the only one who doesn’t belong in this world,” He says, lip curled in disgust. “Monkeys roam the earth. That’s more of a disgrace than my existence…I hope you’d agree.”

You only manage to gasp out, “How are you even here?”

His eyes meet yours, crinkling in a dark sort of amusement. “You’d love to know, wouldn’t you? There’s a price to pay for that knowledge, doll.”

“You’d…Geto would never hurt me,” You whimper. “Never.”

Geto just smiles. “I wouldn’t? Maybe not.”

His piercing eyes seem to see stare right through you. “But what about my best friend?”

You freeze.

“Is that such an uncomfortable thought?” He chuckles a little too lightly. “Never thought about it even once? Not even after he killed me?”

He tuts at you, clicking his tongue. “Sweetheart, I knew you were blinded by him, but never to this degree. How low you have fallen…”

He moves closer. Your breath is trapped in your lungs and you can’t move.

“One toe out of line and you might end up like me. Don’t you see?” He shakes his head.

Hot anger flashes through you, and your tongue lashes out before you can think. “One toe out of line? No. No. You committed genocide. You murdered your entire family in the name of it. For what? A delusional dream?”

He sighs. “Of course. So brainwashed…you’re practically a monkey. How disappointing. You don’t get it, do you? I was apparently his everything, and look how I ended up.”

“You’re not Geto!” You cry out. “You can’t be.”

He laughs softly, but his gaze is razor-sharp. “Are you sure these aren’t Geto’s thoughts?”

You bite your lip in nervous thought. “Ge- you…why am I here?”

He ignores your question as he begins to circle you like a hawk, eyes sharp and hungry. “You know, you’re not quite what I imagined you to be.”

You take a few tentative steps back, trying to subtly increase the distance between you and the living corpse in front of you, but he strides over to your side when he notices.

“I’m just so curious,” He says, eyes raking over your figure. “You really are (Y/N), aren’t you? Fits the descriptions…”

The blood drains from your face. You back away from his seeking hands that threaten to touch you, to investigate you.

“There’s a disgusting amount of papers with your name written all over them – I don’t think Hanami would have liked me much before. Such a waste of stationery,” He says, his twisted smirk pulling shivers down your spine. “Why was I so fixated on you? You don’t look like anything special. Don’t tell me…I actually fell for someone as plain as you?”

“What?” You breathe out, eyes wide, mouth parted in surprise. “Geto, you…he…it wasn’t like that.”

“And you didn’t even know,” He coos in faux pity. “How cruel to find out in this way. Seems like you have only ever focused on my former equal. You only pay attention to the strongest – how shallow. What did I ever see in you?”

“I- that’s not-“ You try to form a sentence, deny it, say it’s not true because it truly isn’t, but your tongue and vocal chords won’t cooperate with you.

“When confronted with the truth, humans get tongue tied,” He smiles, voice dripping with mockery. “How precious. What a good little monkey you are – so unbearably typical, so exemplary of your species.”

“Stop,” You gasp out.

“What, sweets? Can’t handle the truth?”

“Don’t call me that,” You try to say with conviction, but it leaves you weakly and softly, almost a plea.

“What, you only like it when he calls you that?” He says with a dark chuckle. “How pathetic. How much has you brainwashed you into thinking he acutally wants anything to do with you? Gojo doesn’t like to get attached. And even when he does–”

He leans forward, invading your space, pressing up too closely to your body. “–sometimes you still end up dead.”

“Stop,” You beg. “Get away from me. You’re-you’re scaring me, Suguru.”

“Am I?” He smirks. “Oh, I’m sorry. I know what to do to make you forgive me, though. Used to work on Shoko, too.”

“No, stop!” You cry, ragged breaths leaving you. “This isn’t you, stop, please, stop!”

“You’re right,” He smiles wickedly, eyes dark. “It’s not.”

His lips meet yours. It burns your skin, but not pleasantly – it’s all wrong, and it hurts. You shove him away with as much force as you can, leaving him stumbling back a few paces. He laughs. He laughs.

“Wow, I’m impressed,” He chuckles, amused. “You’re stronger than you used to be. Maybe you actually live up to being Grade 1 now, huh?”

“Who are you?!” You cry out. “Why did you bring me here?”

“I’m Geto Suguru,” He says with a crazed smile. “Is it that hard to believe when my body was never retrieved?”

“What do you want from me?” You snarl, growing angry. “You’ve just been toying with me, you bastard. Trying to play all these mind games on me, leaving your dirty work to your underlings. None of it feels substantial enough to kidnap me.”

A cackle escapes Geto, “You’re right, it isn’t. By yourself, you aren’t of any interest to me. Just a memento of the past – I don’t have any use for you.”

He continues with a smirk, “I have to say though, your reactions have piqued my interest slightly. Jogo seems to feel the same way. Perhaps if you could be our little monkey for entertainment - it might keep Jogo out of trouble elsewhere.”

Reduced to entertainment.

“You’re sick,” You say, shaking your head.

“Hardly. It’s only natural treatment for someone so unimportant. Should I be frank?” He asks, touching his chin to mock contemplation. “You are here solely as means of luring him out.”

You break out in a cold sweat. It was as you suspected and feared: you are only bait. Bait for the strongest.

“He won’t come,” You declare. “This is pointless.”

“Do you take me as an idiot monkey?” Geto frowns. “You’re not the only one who can read residuals. He came last time, and he will come this time.”

“He doesn’t know,” You hiss. “He won’t come. He doesn’t want to see me right now.”

Geto only smiles. “He’ll come.”

His confidence scares you. Even though it would be very unlikely Gojo is even aware that you’re away on a mission, doubt still swirls in your gut. You don’t want him to walk into this trap – who knows what Geto has planned?

While you mull over your thoughts, Geto grows impatient.

“This is quite dull. Let’s test your strength, First Grader,” He smirks. “Maybe they’ll pass you to Special Grade if you can land a single hit.”

Suddenly, your breath is stolen from you. You double over in pain, caught off guard by the assault to your stomach. It was only a kick, but it was the hardest you’ve been hit in your entire life by another sorcerer.

“Silly me, I’ve forgotten my manners,” Geto says drily. “When harkening back to our school days, I must ask if you’re ready before we spar.

But don’t forget, the enemy won’t wait for you. Didn’t we learn that?”

Satoru’s words. He would often preemptively attack before the sparring session officially began, and he would always recite those exact words. You feel sick.

You don’t respond, knowing it would take away from your focus. Instead, you concentrate on pouring your cursed energy into your hearing technique.

He begins his initial assault: he’s extremely agile, and his punches and kicks seem to come out of thin air. You anticipate his attacks with your highly developed sense of hearing, listening for each twitch of his muscles and the roar of his appendages slashing through the air. Essentially, you read his moves before he has finished them. Your body can’t always keep up with your hearing enough to avoid him, though, but the blows are lessened by your half-developed shielding.

You haven’t attempted a single hit of your own – all your energy has gone into avoiding each of his potent attacks. Every time you see an opening, your chance is ruined by another attack of his.

After a few minutes of religiously defending, your senses slow. You can hear everything, but you can’t physically keep up with him. You begin to take hit after hit after hit – until you’re forced to retreat several paces back. Blood drips from your nose, spilling into your mouth and filling your mouth with the metallic tang of iron. It tastes of defeat and cowardice.

“Are you sure you’re not a monkey?” Geto roars in laughter. “To call you a sorcerer is sacrilegious at best. How disappointing you are. Haven’t improved an ounce since our days together, have you? Other than that half-baked excuse of a technique - trying to imitate the strongest, perhaps?”

You ignore his taunts, using the time to draw out two small daggers from your sleeves. You fare better with bows, but the twin blades are better than nothing.

“What cute little pocket knives,” Geto jeers. “They look sharp.”

“Want to find out?” You growl.

He scoffs. “I’d like to see you try.”

It is a dance that never ends – you are held captive by the need to defend yourself, not able to stop without the fear of further injury. You are slowly giving up hope when time seems to slow down. Your breath hitches as you spot what you need desperately: an opening. You zero in on the opening, thrusting your right hand into the open space. A spurt of red splashes your hand – your aim was true.

You step back immediately, parrying his retaliating blow with your other blade. More droplets spill over you, a shower of red that makes you nauseous.

You’re breathing hard. You haven’t fought with a sorcerer – or even a curse – for a long time, and it’s taking more of your strength than you anticipated.

Geto doubles over, which fills you with confusion. There’s no way those two nicks did any substantial damage, so why is he hunched over in pain?

And then you hear it. Laughter. Crazed laughter erupts from him in waves. When he looks up at you, the fear in the pit of your stomach intensifies. He’s not hurt – he’s pissed off. Very.

“I have to admit, you exceeded my expectations. But that’s not saying much when I expected nothing from a dirty monkey like you,” He spits. “What a brat.”

“If I recall correctly, you were the one who wanted to spar like old times,” You glare, grip tightening on your daggers. “It was only per your suggestion.”

“Your insolence boils my blood…how does he care for someone like you?! How did I?!” He roars. “You are nothing!”

He rushes forward faster than you can register and knocks you to the ground. You instinctively roll out of the way and are still nearly stomped on. You try to stand up, or even just sit up, but can’t. You begin to panic – you feel frozen in place, unable to even turn your head.

“Now you can’t run away,” He growls. “Should I make it a little unbearable? You deserve it.”

You feel a great pressure forcing your body into the ground. It’s excruciating; you feel as if your bones are grinding together and all your muscles are compressed. You can’t bite back the cry that erupts from your throat.

“Now you really feel the gravity of the situation,” He says with a demented smile. “You know, maybe I don’t need you anyway. He can just come to retrieve your body. Can’t make the same mistake twice, after all. Leaving a body to rot is a vulnerability. I could fix that for him, too…leave a puddle where you used to stand? If I crush you long enough, perhaps…”

“Fuck you,” You manage to get out. “You’ll never win. You’ll never beat Satoru.”

You fall flat on your face, coughing, as you are released from his technique. You try to push yourself up, but you only manage to a kneeling position. Not that it matters anyway, not when you are grabbed by your throat and hoisted in the air.

“Do you always make so many mistakes?” He hisses. “It’s like you want me to kill you.”

You couldn’t respond even if you wanted to with how hard he’s clutching your trachea. You have no idea when you dropped your blades, but they’re not in your hands now, so you have to resort to pitifully clawing at his grip with your bare hands.

Your vision begins to blur and darken as you asphyxiate. Howls of laughter ring in your ears, getting quieter and then louder as your hearing fades in and out.

Is this how it will end? No, it can’t, you can’t let it. You can’t leave yourself to die at the hands of Geto Suguru. You can’t die at the hands of your former friend, and be found by your other best friend. You can’t do that to him.

You claw harder, more desperately, even though you feel yourself weakening. It’s futile – his grip won’t even loosen at your efforts.

You have to use your weaker technique. If you do it perfectly, it might propel him from your body, giving you a chance to escape. Escape to where, you don’t know, but you need to try. You don’t have any chance otherwise.

With a burst of strength you didn’t know you had, you focus all of your cursed energy into the skin that is touching Geto. Your close your eyes, visualizing the perfect invisible wall that encases Gojo – no flaws, no gaps, no way to get past – and then you release your energy.

There’s a loud smack that resonates through the air, and then you crumple to the ground. When you look up, you can see a hard shell jutting between you and Geto, effectively shielding you. Geto is clutching his arm, which is now red and swollen.

You actually did it. It was a perfect use of your technique.

“You are frustrating, but no matter. I have other methods at my disposal. Didn’t think I’d have to pull this on you, but you seem to be begging for your demise, so I might as well use it,” He grits his teeth, and holds one arm out, his forearm curling up.

A ball of black energy appears at his fist. It is nebulous and shifts as it grows bigger. It begins to glow as time passes, as it amasses more energy. You have no idea what that is, but you highly doubt your shield will be able to block it. As you think about your options, your shield begins to fade away – you are nearly out of cursed energy. You are wide-eyed as you watch the last sections of your shield dissipate to nothing.

Entirely defenseless, you heave yourself to a standing position and try to stumble away. You fall to one knee in agony – Jogo and Geto have taken a toll on you.

You look over to see the ball of darkness leave Geto’s fingers. You are frozen, knowing you can do nothing, but also knowing you will die if you do nothing.

It approaches, and you close your eyes. Hopefully it will completely destroy you in a single instant, so it won’t be torturous. At least you won’t be in pain for long.

It’s going to hit you. And then you suppose it does. You feel weightless, like you weigh nothing. Perhaps your body has been destroyed, and this is how your brain is processing the absence of your nerve endings.

But if you are not here anymore, why does the wind whip through your ears?

You were mistaken. You don’t just feel weightless, you are weightless.

When you open your eyes, tears spill out at the sight in front of you. Tousled white hair, a blindfold tucked over his eyes, rigid determination showing through his features.

“I didn’t know this is where we were holding the school reunion. Class of ‘007, except Geto went all rogue and didn’t end up graduating. What a failure!”

His words are playful, and he’s smiling, but somehow his tone doesn’t match. It’s serious and dark, not at all jocular. He seems to be making an effort to keep up his lighthearted persona, but his true feelings can’t help but bleed out.

“Ah, you finally showed up,” Geto cackles. “It’s not good to have a weakness. I was about to do you a favor.”

Gojo laughs bitterly, “Don’t you know? Strength comes from weaknesses. Not that you would understand.”

“In any case…” He looks down at you. “I won’t let you take away my strongest weakness.”

next part

a/n 2.0: Okay so, idk how it 100% is in the manga bc I haven’t read it, but basically this ‘Geto’ (*cough* Kenjaku) has thoughts that are Kenjaku but with some of Geto’s memories ?? .. sorry if that’s non canon heehee

Bonus!!: Also I’ve been learning some Japanese so here is Gojo’ name spelled out: ごじょさとる。This is more for my own enjoyment 🫣 but here you go lol

tag list: @thenyxsky, @whitehairedtwink, @screwyou3

also thank you @zoyatoshi for your such sweet reblogs 🥹🥹 literally inspired me to finish this chapter up after 6+ months !!

[villainkinconfessions]

I hate that I'm considered "evil" just because I did bad stuff.

If anyone actually paid attention to my source they'd realize that I continued the cycle of abuse that I went through, which isn't an excuse, but damnit I wish people would realize that my parents sucked so much. They literally sold me and Andrew, hired a hitman to kill us, and neglected us. Oh, and in my canon, Mom verbally abused me too, so-

Anyway, so I put all that on Julia... Yeah, I feel bad about it in this life because I actually grew up with a decent family this time around.

Nina was a complete accident in my canon, no malicious intent (well, I was just trying to "punish" her, I didn't want her to die.)

And every death that Andrew, the demon, and I shared after that- it was out of defense. I feel no remorse. The wardens tried to starve us to death. The lady from apartment 302 tried attacking Andrew. The hitman tried to kill us. Mom and Dad abused us and tried to second hand kill us. Every single one I don't regret.

But sure, call me evil because I defended myself. Call Andrew a victim because I "forced" him to kill the hitman. (Which, by the way, was the only one I had him to do because I decided to be the bait. The rest of the kills were his choice.)

Fuck all of you who call me evil. I had to be evil to survive. Be glad you didn't.

-Ashley Graves

.

[archivalofsins]

It's been a good while since the end of trial two and a lot has changed in the fandom overall. Even more will change over the course of trial three. I think in this area of uncertainty and impatience it's easy to forget everything that transpired.

Admittedly I'm kind of proud of my growth over this period of time and how the experience has impacted how I interact with fandom and the internet overall.

Not to sound incredibly old fashioned but I think there's still much to unpack from trial two before heading into trial three. So, the down time between the end of trial report and now has been greatly appreciated.

A lot happened.

Haruka's broken 50/50 as people highlighted the risks of him remaining unrestrained not only to himself but others.

People stating that anyone voting Yuno guilty was a pro-life conservative, politicizing her trial as pro-life pro-choice debate. Even going as far to state that Milgram was a sexist series for including her at all.

Futa's was just funny because it was a bold faced admission by the audience that they were in fact too much like Futa to properly judge him. Amongst other things.

Mu's trial was a bunch of people politicizing it in the opposite direction using a bunch of right wing buzzwords like calling it fake news, for some reason bringing race into it from headcanoning her victim as half black, then victim blaming like her victim attacked first so she deserved to die.

Shidou well fuck we need a doctor so go off king. Like it wasn't even about him it was about Mahiru I know who I really cared about here. I couldn't give one singular fuck about Shidou even now. Oh he might hurt Kotoko I don't give a fuck if he does his doctor role what he does in his off time is his business. Nobody was thinking oh my god what about the harm the guy with the medical degree can do to others here when they voted him innocent nobody cared. Like honestly he has a medical degree he can do a lot of harm but that wasn't our problem or main concern.

Mahiru ah see he hung himself and he's probably a cheater anyway. Yes some people thought it was justified to drive a man to suicide for being unfaithful. That was a weird hill for some people to build a house on but they did. I don't know a lot of people just conveniently forgot women cheat and can be abusers as well. I don't know how some forgot that but I wish I were them.

Kazui the guilty shrine- seriously a shrine? Really... Oh also men shouldn't be allowed to get divorces because it makes women look bad. Isn't that what abusive husbands were saying when women wanted divorce rights and fought for things like no fault divorce wild. No one was thinking there yeah go on cook me nothing that would be better than the poison you're trying to disguise as feminism. It'd be less detrimental too.

Amane's second trial really was like,

"Sure her mom kills cats and beats children but we can't forget she's a cult survivor too and being a parent is hard."

Bro as someone with an abusive single mom who did some shit and went through some shit um no that's not an excuse. You can't just go parenting is hard get me my taser or my childhood was hard too it's my turn to beat kids. Like not tobring up Oshi No Ko again but the Amane trial really was just chapter 141 to me in real time (read it because that got messy later in).

"She had to live through the cult too. She was having a hard time as well what about her upbringing? Do you know how hard it is to raise a child by oneself."

Her husband was at work not dead what the fuck did y'all mean by this???

What were these takes? Nobodies trauma gives them a free pass to traumatize others- wait we'll get to you hold up put those dogs back where they came from! She's a single mom of one girl meanwhile the woman with two sons and an absent doctor husband. Not doing any of this shit. She was my rock Shidou says fully meaning it. Yuno mom two kids haven't heard a word about her killing cats or beating kids. Wild it's like it's pretty easy to choose not to do the things she did. Every other shit parent here did decide to be shitty Amane's mom included.

Mikoto oh suddenly your trauma does excuse how you responded to a situation. Work hard, such sad boy. Yeah I can believe the stigmatized version of dissociative identity disorder in this one niche situation. Japan is so backwards of course they'd still write it like this they don't know any better. So, of course the other alter is the evil one and Mikoto is still the goodest of boys- Also dissociative identity disorder isn't real unless you have a certain number of alters that act x specific way that's why there has to be this many.

With a tiny hint of if the child is guilty let's just kill this man too~

Fuck Mikoto he's had it too good. Bitch could have went home in fact we see him do it in the video! Where the fuck was Amane gonna go the streets?! We saw how that worked out in her video. Snitch ass streets, if these streets could talk- Don't worry with snitch advisory they can even if you don't want them to!

Kotoko well if you think she's bad then you don't have real trauma. Also grooming can only be sexual actually I heard the term from twitter and never looked into the act of doing this ever outside of that context. God don't even ask me to define groom as a verb.

So on and so forth. It's been a lot and this all just shit I personally experienced.

Trial two showed us one of the worst aspects of humanity,

Our ability as people to use our own experiences as the blueprint for all life.

Our stubborn commitment to seeing something only one way. Because that's always been how we've seen it. That's always been how it was. Milgram trial two and the audience for better or worse put the definition of closed-mindedness on full display.

Regardless of how inclusive, progressive, or forward thinking people believed themselves to be in the moment. We saw what a commitment to only one way of thinking could cause and who it ends up hurting. I think trial two can teach people that even the most progressive leaning individuals can cause harm.

Even those who want to support marginalized individuals or are marginalized themselves are capable of causing harm. Because when we convince ourselves that the only voice that matters is our own we silence, belittle, and ignore the experiences of those around us. It doesn't matter what politically correct framing a person attributes to their belief if one is being closed-minded it will still harm others and the movement they're purporting to care about.

It will more than likely do more harm to the people one is attempting to help the most whether that is themselves or others. That's the only thing being closed-minded can do.

[astarionposting]

Hi, I just want to say that your work is stunning and we're very thankful for it! I also hope that nobody is causing you problems about liking that other route...It's ludicrous that people still act like children when it comes to what others enjoy, not to mention that if you show them two pictures of Astarion they won't even be able to tell which one is the 'bad' route and which one is the 'good' one.

Other than that, I wish you a very nice day!

Thank you so much! 🥹🥹 I’m so so happy you enjoy my content.

Thankfully no one has caused me any issues with Ascended Astarion stuff haha. I guess because I do acknowledge he is 100% evil if he ascends, but SOMETIMES I LIKE ME AN EVIL MAN!! I enjoy both routes and think they are both super fun to play.

I love Spawn Astarion for him being able to overcome his fears, open up, heal and become “better” (but still pretty cheeky and wanting to create as much chaos as possible) and end the cycle of abuse, which is very personal to me as well in my own trauma. I love that he is able to overcome what I would consider an unhealthy coping mechanism to his fear; he is scared, so his reaction is to obtain as much power over everyone else so no one can ever hurt him again, but then he would lose himself in the process… and his SO if you decide not to become his spawn. I mean, he pretty much becomes his BIGGEST fear, his own source of 200 years of trauma and abuse (“the new cazador”—just like Cazador did since he was also a spawn and killed his own master for power out of fear—if I’m remembering correctly).

BUT I also like the Ascended Astarion route for how tragic it is. How you can really see right through him and how he ISN’T satisfied. He gets so angry with you if you even point it out a little bit, that sacrificing all of those souls, including his own in a way, didn’t fix anything. He’s still so insecure. He is still afraid (he’s just much more aggressive and defensive about it). He is still unhappy and he will never actually be free. I mean, it’s a deal with MEPHISTOPHELES. He might have been freed from one master, but now he owes his power to another, much more dangerous and powerful being. Not only that, but he will never be free from himself. If you listen to Cazador’s inner thoughts, you can hear how much he WANTS to die, how much he HATES being a soulless and vile vampire with only a lust for blood. No capability to love, to care, to be any part of who he might’ve been before.

The song “hurt” by NIN makes me think of Ascended Astarion. He says “we can have it all, we can take the world”. But what is “having it all?”. “Having it all” to me would be the Spawn ending. Being free of his abuser, being free of owing his power to someone else, being able to be HIMSELF and surrounded by people who care about him because of who he is, not because of his power.

Anyways I’m not that great at writing my thoughts coherently so I’ll stop there lol, but I also like his voice lines cause they can be kind of hot because also kind of goofy 😭 😭 and it’s fiction!! I read the wildest fanfic out there but if an actual man spoke to me that way, I would be OUT OF THERE SOOOO FAST lol

I don’t like to call them the “bad” or “good” ending, because it’s different for everyone. I mean, it’s a ROLEPLAYING GAME. Yeah, if your Tav/Durge is good alignment, then the spawn ending may seem to be the “good” one, but if your Tav/Durge is evil then wouldn’t the vampire ascendent ending technically be “good” for them? Anyways, I just think people struggle to separate reality from fiction when they get too deep into it. I love soft-ish and cheeky vampire and also evil and hot vampire like WE CAN ENJOY BOTH!!!

Anyways, thank you so much again and I hope you also have a wonderful day!! ❤️

[gralunaisland]

juvia Wasn't Needed

by: @perfectlyimperfectcharacterfan

"juvia really wasn't needed plot wise. Some would argue she help[ed] the team enter the Tower of Heaven but I'm pretty sure they would have found a way without her. Same for Battle of Fairy tail. she literally accomplished nothing there. she was absent from Edolas and Oracion Seis.

I'd ignore the filler arcs because they are trash, but in the Daphnee arc she didn't do anything either, besides blindly defending Gray even though he was 100% in the wrong (and I say this asa massive Gray fan). In Tenrou she arguably dragged the whole fight down with her obsession with Gray. she only saved Meredy because she was about to kill Gray. And it was entirely JUVIA'S fault. If she could actually put her feelings for Gray aside in a very dangerous fight, Gray would never have been so close to die to begin with.

In GMG, she didn't care about her own guild's reputation, only to be with Gray. I'll never get over her LOSING A BATTLE IN WATER. she could have changed in water and force everyone out, but got distracted by Gray, again. her winning would have prevented Minerva from torturing Lucy. she was absent from Sun village. Only in Tartaros did she do something remotely useful by killing Keith. But that was only because he was a threat to Gray.

Also the whole fight against Invel in Alvarez was forced af. It's not indicative of juvia's usefuleness. Invel would have used anyone around."

My Two Cents

Huge thank you to @perfectlyimperfectcharacterfan (I'll refer to them as "Perfectly" for ease now in this post), a delightful regular on my blog who always comments insightful thoughts about juvia and gr///via on my posts, who sent this to me in a dm and allowed me to make a post about it!

They did an amazing job parsing through the arcs, and I really don't need to add anything, but I'll just slide in my two cents at the end here.

About the BOFT arc, one could say that juvia did manage to free her and Cana from Freid's spell, but as I've said before, that was just her earning brownie points, and she kept none of the alleged "character growth" from that. Plus in the end, it was Mirajane who had to defeat Freid anyway, so her "sacrifice" really was useless.

I love what Perfectly said about the Daphne arc. I completely and totally agree with them (and I actually have an old post about this exact topic here if y'all want to read it). I couldn't have said it better myself, that juvia blindly defended Gray despite his wrongdoings, showing how she really only "cared" about Gray and not the rest of the guildmates that got horribly hurt by his stupid mistakes. That's not trust, that's insane obsession that keeps her believing Gray is infallible and perfect no matter what he does, which is so toxic towards Gray and her and everyone around them.

In the GMG, like Perfectly touched on, juvia didn't care about the guild's reputation. she didn't care that for 7 years, Fairy Tail struggled, was bullied, was mocked, was actually oppressed by the other guilds into paying absurd taxes, because they lost their most powerful members to Tenrou Island. Not only that, but they mourned for years because their friends and family had disappeared, and they didn't know if they were dead or alive. All of this hurt and trauma FT went through couldn't matter less to juvia lockser.

True FT member my butt; she doesn't love any of them, not even Gray. she didn't care enough to actually try in the GMG, and she actually wished for her FT guildmates to get hurt so badly that they had to drop out so she could participate with Gray. The wickedness of her heart is astounding. And yeah, she totally whiffed what should've been the easiest match up for her in the water battle, leading to Lucy being abused just as Perfectly said, and she also threw the Hide and Seek match by being a "love" obsessed idiot as she always is.

And let's not forget that after the GMG during the dragon battle, juvia literally gets Gray killed because she's not paying attention to anything except for Gray as always, even in the midst of a life-and-death situation, and makes it so that Gray has to save her butt for her. I mean, how much worse could this ship get, when it literally causes one of them (the victim, even) to die needlessly???

On the whole note of juvia's uselessness, one could even go as far to say that juvia is an active hinderance and blight on the lives of the people around her. she really constantly oozes toxicity and sucks the life out of everyone she comes into contact with, most of all Gray through her manipulation and abuse, but also all the women in Gray's life, as well as her fellow FT members. she is a weak link, a liability, an impediment, a stone dragging down and drowning everyone, including herself. she will never notice or care about that fact because she gets what she wants in the end, what she thinks is good: Gray's brow-beaten, brainwashed "affection".

No one wins when they rely on her. she is a parasite.

Anyway, gigantic shoutout to Perfectly again for taking the time to think so deeply about all these things, for sharing their thoughts with me, and for allowing me to share them with all of you! juvia really is a useless character, and the Fairy Tail story and her guildmates would've been infinitely better off without her.

[altschmerzes]

if anyone has cats they would like to send me pics of i would appreciate that a lot i am having a very very fucking weird one right now and don’t really know what to do with myself.

the short version is: my dad died today. the long version is..... probably an absolutely ridiculous overshare but. like i said. don’t know what to do with myself so i’m just. idk im talking out loud i guess, putting this Somewhere. it’s. heavy, sorry.

so the post i made recently celebrating seven years going no-contact with my abusive father who kind of ruined my life in a lot of really serious ways i am likely never really going to completely recover from? yeah. he had a stroke earlier this year that sounded like it was pretty serious and that was a lot to process and then i just got the call from my mom that he had a heart attack while fishing with a friend this afternoon and died. apparently it was fast, which is good. he was fifty-five and i guess he’d just hit two years sober.

my mom sounded really upset on the phone, and i guess she’d only found out less than ten minutes before she called me, she just told my sister, who lives with her, and my sister went off to take a shower (read: have a breakdown in the shower), and then called me immediately and said “your dad died” as soon as i answered with a hey, what’s up. they’d been divorced for twenty years and he was a fucking bastard but i guess your ex-husband and your kids’ dad who you’ve recently been reconnecting with and spending time with again dies and you’re probably gonna have some strong feelings about it. my sister is in pieces, they’d reconnected and were spending a lot more time together. in their text they said ‘i barely got any time with him and i’m fucking heartbroken’.

and because he has no other living relatives my 23 year old sister who is uh, in a fragile state on the best of days, is gonna have to deal with all of the paperwork and shit that happens when someone dies. and my sister and i’s relationship is like.... it’s complicated, to put it politely, they are very hard for me to be around for a lot of reasons, but i wouldn’t wish that on them and i wish i was able to take on that stuff if only because i’m almost through law school and i’m the least emotionally invested in the man and it just would be easier for everyone if i did the paperwork and whatever.

and then there’s my brother, because i have a brother, who i barely talk about because it hurts to think about him. he’s nine years older than me and he’s my half-brother by my dad and after my dad went to prison on drug charges i didn’t see him for thirteen years. and then a long time after a brief visit too. he’s got two kids now, and for a while there we were in sporadic contact, but i haven’t seen or heard from him since i was maybe nineteen. and my mom was just kind of rambling on the phone about how she had to find my brother’s mother’s contact information because someone had to tell him and because i’m all the way out here and i can’t DO anything else i told her i’d find her and tell her what happened and get everyone’s contact information for whatever’s coming next so. now i’ve texted my brother, who is a living wound in my life, for the first time in like six years. he hasn’t answered yet and according to his mother he’s ‘devastated.’ so.

i’m not. i’m not devastated. i don’t know what i feel honestly. once i tracked her down on facebook and dealt with all of that i just sort of sat at the kitchen table and stared at the wall for a long time. listened to the mountain goats song ‘pale green things’ and drifted in a weird numb void. i’m not.... sad. not about him anyway. i don’t know what i am. i have a very difficult time articulating my feelings on a good day, fuck i mean i have a hard time identifying my feelings on a good day. some combination of autism and cptsd and the sense that if i have feelings someone is going to die, maybe me, maybe someone else. if i have feelings, i get someone killed, is the thought process, which is a long story but. is extremely hard to work around, especially when i don’t see the point because taking active steps to make my feelings known and make them something someone else has to deal with is like. what’s the point. why do that.

so i don’t know what i feel. i feel strange and distant and not-sad and kind of angry at my sister and brother for some fucking reason and guilty and resentful and relieved. there’s some relief in there i think, because it’s like. i don’t know. i had the thought earlier, ‘oh thank gd’ which is. it sounds heinous but i now i’ll never have to choose between attending my sister’s wedding and not having to see him there, if i go back to my hometown and feel like there’s a monster stalking me from the shadows i can just tell myself the fucking monster’s fucking dead and he can’t ever hurt me again. nobody in my family is ever going to be able to pressure me to just talk to him already, just move on and let it go. reconcile, forgive, get past it.

(i don’t know how much any of them know. i have never discussed this with my parents or my sister and i never plan to. we’ve talked about some things in vague euphemisms and talked around it even more. when he got out of prison and then when he was done stalking us which he did for a while and got some help i guess and was doing a bit better my sister wanted to reconnect with him and i didn’t. i had panic attacks, i was terrified, i didn’t want anything to do with him and i didn’t want my sister anywhere near him and i remember all my mom had to say to me about that was ‘if it makes you feel any better, i could take him.’ i don’t know what to... i just don’t know.)

i dunno. i don’t know. when i visited my hometown and stayed at my parents’ house (my grandmother’s house, when i say ‘parents’ i mean her and my mom generally) i slept with a knife on my bedside table and a plan of how to get out the window because i’d heard that he’d started dropping by sometimes and i was too scared to sleep otherwise. he terrorized me. i have very few memories from before he went to prison and most of them are of being terrified for my life. of being chased through the house, staying above the garage because for some reason we couldn’t be in the house that night. sexual abuse that i can still barely handle thinking about. he haunts my nightmares regularly, even though i haven’t seen or spoken to him in seven years, didn’t see or talk to him very often before that. i have panic attacks in my sleep dreaming about him, enough that i have to be medicated for it.

he’s a person who was deeply troubled and sick and suffered unimaginably in his life and it’s just.... i know all of that and i just. i don’t know. i hope he’s at peace i guess. i know he never was when he was alive. i know i’m not at peace most of the time, largely because of the shit he did to me. i don’t know. i don’t know. my dad’s dead.

[inquirenorth]

It’s a slow day at work and I could do stuff I’m supposed to or I could complain about how fucking horrible of an episode Bound is.

Ignoring the puritanical bs and slut shaming for a second. This is the episode that starts the Lionel Luthor Redemption Arc™ that is just so disrespectful. Lionel Luthor is The Asshole of the show. He’s abused his wife and child (likely would have done the same to Julian). He framed his son for murder and when it didn’t work pretended it was all done for Lex’s benefit (???). He fired a whole ass company that employed the majority of the population in this small ass town. He coerced a high school student into investigating another high school student (Chloe had a hand in that sure but she’s also a lovesick teenager with abandonment issues and low-self esteem…easy pickings for Lionel). He lied about being blind so he could spy on people?????? He gifted a married woman a very ���secret affair” watch?????? He only felt bad about subjecting his child to unnecessary electroshock therapy (twice) after he realized Lex knew Clark’s secret. He traded Clark for Lex at Summerholt, subjecting a minor to an experimental brain treatment without his prior knowledge let alone his consent, so that he could get to Clark’s secret. He fully planned to switch bodies with his son, letting Lex die in his place just because Lex had him convicted for a murder he was 100% guilty off. Like…this is a Bad Dude. Lex isn’t a saint but Lionel isn’t a sinner, he’s a whole ass monster. Not even going to mention the whole Lucas thing.

Then we have the Kent parents (specifically Johnathan) defending Lex by saying he’s just doing what he’s learned from his father (re: sleeping with women and sending earrings by courier just like his father did) in one breath and then in another saying the Luthors will never change. Like hey maybe don’t group a man literally in prison for murder with his son who sleeps with an average of one rando per month. Sure the fact that he doesn’t remember then hints at self-destructive tendencies and yeah he should maybe consider therapy but he won’t because the same man in prison for murder literally “gatekeep, gaslight, girlboss”ed his one and only son into a mental institution and had his brain fried so said son wouldn’t remember anything about said murder. And Lex’s therapist was in on it so of course he’s not gonna trust therapy. Regardless, yeah Lex won’t change if he stays in this lame-ass town where you can’t do anything fun without being branded with a scarlet letter (or if his best friend keeps gaslighting him like his father does or if everyone he knows is about two breaths and a small mistake away from going all “I knew I shouldn’t have trusted Lex.” Did Lex cut off that man’s hand? Did Lex try to kill Johnathan to get to Clark? Did Lex try to kill Chloe? Nope. Not even in that one episode where everyone else did try to kill Chloe).

Anyway, back to Bound. So the Kent parents are defending and slut shaming Lex and we have Clark acting like a jealous partner who just learned about their boyfriend’s body count and can’t be an Adult about it. And then we get our patent Loft Moment at the end of the episode where Lex says some stuff about how he kind of wishes he’d been burned to death because it would save the world a lot of grief???? Like he’s clearly in some pain and distress (and really should consider therapy but again…his last therapist drugged him as part of a plan to cover up his father’s first murder) and Clark is just like :| “okay”. Come on man, he’s Superman! His “friend” is Suffering to the point where he’s duct taped to a chair, sees fire coming towards him, and literally thinks “good”????? Let one of my friends ever say that to me and I’m selling a kidney to take us to Aruba. But no, Clark doesn’t do that. And you’re telling me he trusts Lionel Luthor more than his best friend because Lionel got a holy enema and was cured of his terminal liver disease and because Lex (a single billionaire who has to go to boring fundraisers as part of his job and who has literally maybe two friends) *checks notes* had consensual sex with women and gifted them expensive ass diamond earrings. Like sure some of them got their feelings hurt but that’s not a crime, not like…idk murder. You’re telling me this isn’t like…a great motivating factor to idk be a little bit nicer to this sad little bald man with a history of being emotionally, mentally, and physically abused by people he loved and trusted (let’s not even talk about Helen).

Idk if you weren’t already 100% on Lex’s side after Shattered/Asylum, Bound is guaranteed to have you foaming at the mouth with frustration. This episode makes me want to gnaw on dry wall while crawling on the ceiling.

[0809sysblings]

3, 4, 11, 12, 14, 21 for Mikoto aaanndd 1, 2, 6, 12, 13 for Amane 👀

my beloveds!!!!

💚 🐈🐕 ☔🚬 🥞🍮 💙

Mikoto

3. Favorite non-MV official illustration?

I think.... the 3rd anniversary artwork, perhaps... just really like the lighting and atmosphere of it...

4. Favorite Minigram episode/moment?

episode 41 (source)

11. What are your favorite points about their story and the narrative surrounding them?

I.... my thoughts are much too abstract for me to be able to put them into words, let alone coherent ones. I uh. I like. Stress. Amnesia. Trauma. Survival. Defense. Toxic Environment. Abuse. Always. Yeah.

hope this helps 🤠👍 (im so fucking sorry)

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

I wouldn't say I'm super involved with most of the fandom tbh, so I don't particularly know all too well what is and isn't talked about by people... but.. I'd maybe like to see some more discussion on aspects of him that are like... not just about The Alters. since theres a lot more to DID than just having alters, and of course there is more to a person with DID than just their DID. I'm always a slut for talking about psychology and the impacts of trauma, so... perhaps more trauma discussion. I do know there's already people who talk about this stuff, so tbh this is mostly just what I myself want to eventually get around to talking about but mKFMDF yeah.

14. Any headcanons on their appearance?

I'm not usually one to hold many headcanons when it comes to something like appearance (or to hold many headcanons, period), but.. uh... idk. something really stupid and small like he has a permanent writer's callus/bump. there just ain't no way he doesn't have one y'know?

21. Do you have any similarities with them/relate to something in them?

oh dear... Indeed I Do. I guess to start, I am also 23 lol. we have sorta similar styles of dress. we are both artist-jocks. we have generally similar personalities. we are both DID havers, and one of us is honestly pretty similar to John mFKMDKFDSF. he even has an undercut my god... and then Another one of us also reminds me a lot of the Third Alter/Midokoto/Doe/whatever you wanna call him. his hair is even green wowie! ... oh and his name is also something that can be related to Mikoto, god damn.. the Kayano System is copying us.. get their asses, call them out, cancel them!!! /j anyway. more.

you know that part in Neoplasm. this one?

Es: … You really… do laugh when you're suffering, huh? Mikoto: Huh? Es: You don't get angry. You don't scream. You laugh, like it's a minor inconvenience.

yeah that came for my fucking throat. he just like me fr...

other things as well, but that's enough about that.

Amane

1. Favorite song lyrics?

I wish I could just copy and paste like the entirety of The Purge March, but this part in particular has gotta be my favorite:

After you cry, repent, and kneel, it's now your turn to say that hopeless "I'm sorry" You're sorry? I don't care! Please, go ahead and die already Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of "I'm sorry" that I said to you?

2. Favorite MV moment/frame?

I am in love with this frame <3

6. Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

0308, 0208, and 0608 !!!!!!! so like. tbh the only prisoners she still interacts with/that still interact with her lmao... her dynamic with Shidou is also interesting and I'm excited to see where it goes! I think she deserves to get one stab at him. not because I don't like Shidou or think he deserves to be stabbed. but because Amane deserves to do whatever she wants all the time <3 !! like c'monnn one stab won't kill him, let her do it, it's fiiiiiine. it'll be good for both of them.

12. What do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

again, not that involved with the fandom so not sure what is and isn't already discussed. frankly I think she should just be discussed more, period <3. so. Everything. Discuss Everything About Her More. Never Stop Discussing Her. I Don't Want To Stop Seeing Essay-Length Analysis Posts About Her Until I'm At Least 35.

13. Any ideas on what would they and their MV be like if they got a different verdict in T1?

a VERY VERY good question that I have wondered about myself! ...unfortunately I've yet to come up with much of an answer though. I really just. have no idea. the only thing I can think of is she may have continued to severely downplay her abuse, I guess (like she still does I think. but you know. like Magic-level downplay)... may have stayed a bit friendlier and more "herself"? maybe her Trial 2 MV would've acted more staged again like Magic was...? I Got No Idea........

TY for the ask!!!!