#anyways there are exercises that can help so if i actually start sitting up straight and doing those shoulder exercises

[angryborzois]

i joked about it for years but I may actually have scoliosis

[reverie-starlight]

kenma for the soul <3

gn!reader, no physical descriptions. this was in my drafts for so long that I forgot abt it. based off of my own routine when I get a panic attack. I believe I wrote the bulk of this after one, actually.

warnings: depictions of a panic attack, my own personal coping methods (I swear they make sense in my head) and kenma being soft for you. this was edited at like 2 am so if there’s some mistakes… no there’s not.

it’ll pass.

you know that. you’ve known that for years, actually, yet somehow the sentiment doesn’t hold up in the moments you need it to the most.

kenma watches as you switch between sitting on the edge of the bed with him and pacing the length of your bedroom.

he really feels for you. he still gets panic attacks from time to time, after all, so he knows the basics of what you’re going through like the back of his hand.

he’s still trying to learn your specifics, though.

he’s observant and he’s strategic. with those skills, he’s gathered that you do not respond well to sitting still and taking deep breaths.

you continue pacing and wringing your fingers together, clenching and unclenching your fists and shaking your arms out (he recognizes this as literally trying to dispel the panic from your body).

he watches you closely, wanting to figure you out as soon as possible so he can utilize his strategic side and end your suffering. are you trying to tire yourself out? why is it that you don’t find the breathing exercises useful? why doesn’t sitting still and meditating benefit you?

oh… of course, why didn’t he think of that sooner?

you don’t like those coping methods because you see it as another opportunity to focus on your trigger. by trying to stop it, you just end up thinking about it more. they require you to be aware of every sensation in your body, but if you’re moving around a lot instead, it acts as a distraction.

so he’ll need to help you redirect your train of thought some more.

“babe,” he calls out quietly, not having the energy or willingness to be any louder at two in the morning.

you don’t stop pacing, but you look at him and nod to let him know you’re listening.

“let’s go to the kitchen.”

you blink as he gets up and takes your hand, leading you out of your bedroom. he hopes the change of scenery and mystery of what he has planned brings you out of your head a bit.

“kenma-“ you start, voice raw from the crying you did earlier.

“do you want to make cookies?”

you watch as he goes to the fridge and gets some water and ice cubes. (he read once that the ice can shock you out of panic and act as a good redirection strategy.)

you take the glass when he hands it to you and allow the chill of the ice ground you a bit.

your head feels clearer now. the panic had mostly subsided well before you were led out of the bedroom, but you had continued pacing anyway.

in your mind it makes sense- relaxing too soon, when it’s not quite gone, gives it the chance to come back and restart the cycle all over again. tiring yourself out and distracting yourself with the familiar movement patterns that helped stopped it in the first place…

it’s always worked for you.

and now, sitting up on the barstool by the kitchen island with kenma, you definitely feel the exhaustion.

so you shake your head. “no, I’m too tired, babe.”

he nods, successfully getting a read on your energy level. “okay,” he says. “drink your water, I can make toast for us.”

you blink at him. “why?”

he shrugs. “you must’ve worked up an appetite with all that walking, right? I got winded just watching you.”

you snort, surprisingly, and the corner of his mouth lifts up a bit. “I guess so… oh but kenma, I kept you up, you must be tired too.”

he gets the bread ready to put into the toaster and glances at you over his shoulder. “you do realize you’re dating someone who once streamed for twenty-four hours straight, right? one late night is nothing.”

you sip your water and hold an ice cube in your cheek, letting it melt. “still, I’m-“

“and don’t apologize. I know that’s what you were about to do.”

you sheepishly look down into your glass and let the silence linger until he presents you some buttered toast. “remember how I told you I used to get really bad panic attacks in high school? the ones I get now aren’t nearly as intense as those, but I do still know how draining they are,” he rips off a chunk of bread and feeds it to you. “it’s not too much to care for you, okay?“ he knows the feeling of being afraid to be a burden well, too, unfortunately.

you smile and knock your head against his as you chew. “thanks, kenma. I love you.”

there’s still a lot he has to learn for you, but he knows that if this were a video game, it’d be the easiest level he’d ever complete.

“love you too. now let’s finish this and get to bed.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@dira333 some kenma :3

[pissedpupp]

heyhey i’m another disabled wheelchair user into omo and holding and all that, but i often find that my disabilities get in the way of letting me enjoy it or do it (ie: cant drink enough to get desperate, or my bladder will lock up and not let me pee when it’s time) how do you,, , like navigate stuff like that? i really wanna enjoy this kink but my body cockblocks me😭

wooo boy okay so theres a few things!

part of it for me is like, reframing. bc im not gonna be able to enact most kinks in the ways that able bodied people do so instead of hating that *i* cant do the kink, i rework the kink to fit me. like, i get REAL nauseaus REALLY easily, specifically i get ut really bad from water 🙃 so i will take it slow, or take some zofran or jist drink something else entirely.

another example is im on a medication that helps my kidneys retain water, but that means i dont really get super filled up from the amounts of water it might for an able bodied person. and on top of it all before this developed as a kink i was in pevlic floor physical therapy for urgency and pissing my pants, which kinda gave me some advantages in pissing myself on purpose

like i was told that after toddlerhood, you are ALWAYS choosing to pee. unless you have a disorder or syndrome that specifically affects your urinary tract, you are always choosing to pee. most people are just conditioned on when its acceptable to pee. so like, for example. someone who has REALLY bad urgency right before they get to the toilet has subconsciously ttained themselves to start to pee before they sit down, like a self fulfilling prophecy. if you go "oh god im not gonna make it" youre basically dooming youself. and if you do that often, youve now conditioned yourself, to the point that seeing a toilet right in front of you will give your body subconscious cues ro start to go. so someone who is trying to curb the issue i just mentioned would just wait a few seconds, or a few minutes, before sitting and peeing. (and do control exercises like kegals) until its deconditioned.

so all that being said! something im working on now is that i previously had like, 5-10 minutes after sex where i physically COULD NOT pee. and i will lose urgency while getting stimulated, so like. kinda awful for omo and related things. so ive been doing like, extremely intense (for me) and very long (many hours) holds and then sort of conditioning myself, im into edging, so ill get to the point of bursting, let out a controlled leak and then edge. or edge and then push on my bladder to be forced to leak. over and over, until either im so lost in arousal that ill be able to force myself to piss while i orgasm, or im out of pee and can now orgasm anyway. (for right now, this all happens while im sat on the toilet. less mess, and it gives my subconscious the cue to pee)

and ive made some progress! i had a few open hours and followed omo dungeon and then forved out a few big leaks while masturbating and then pissed for a VERY long time. im not anywhere near done, so if i do end up being able to pee during a sexual act its the smalled of streams. i swear i peed for a solid 90 seconds straight last night

ANYWAYS. you have to accommodate yourself. figure out what really works for you. personally soda doesnt make me have to pee but sweet tea REALLY does. i probably cant make a huge habit out of pissing myself uncontrollably because i spent a lot of time unlearning it, and while the idea of accidentally pissing myself without meaning sounds hot, as someone who has pissed themselves in public its just. real embarrassing. not in a cute way. and now that its a kink? you gotta have everyone who witnessing it give enthusiastic consent. and having genuine bladder issues really fucking sucks for like, being an adult lmao.

and so, if i decide to make this kink a regular thing in doing its gonna be a lot of pretending to wet myself, like getting to bursting but not actually truly losing control. a lot of practicing kink is actually just improv and acting im sorry to say 😬

if you wanna talk more ab it feel free to ask more questions! or dm me! im an open book! and your situation is most likely different from mine mechanically. but i can probably help you try to navigate it, might be better to have more specifics before i can give more pointed advice anyways.

as always! consent is key, dont do things that can alter your life outside the scene, and be kind to yourself if you cant fullfil the kink exactly how you want.

[wandafiction]

Can I Join You - Just Us Chapter 75

Warnings: None

Word Count: 4238

Series List | Chapter 74 | Chapter 76

================================

"Well that was fun." I huff out a laugh as I start to dry myself off, rolling my eyes.

"Fun is one word for it. I can't feel my legs." I hit my leg a couple times to emphasise the points.

"That just means I did my job right."

"What? Is it your job to make sure I can't walk for the next few days?" I go to put on my hoodie but realise I'm drenched in sweat so put it around my waist.

"Yeah that's what you asked me to do."

"I don't recall saying that at all." I reply sarcastically.

"Oh well, it's too late now. Anyway, everyone was enjoying the show."

"Oh I bet they were. How many were saying I couldn't do it?"

"Pretty much all of them." I scoff at her reply.

"Did you think I could do it?"

"Sure." I give her a pointed look. "Look it was more than you've done before it wouldn't have mattered if you couldn't handle it because you can always try again."

"I guess so."

"At least you burned a lot of energy and calories by doing so."

"That's true. I could eat for 10 at this point." I wipe the sweat from my forehead using the back of my forearm.

"Doesn't surprise me."

"Well next time it's your turn." I see her shake her head.

"Nope. I can't do what you just did."

"Why not?"

"Have you seen me?"

"You are strong, just because you're tiny doesn't mean you can't do it. It's all about getting up to that point where you feel confident doing so."

"Yeah and I won't get to that point."

"What the pushing, or the confidence?"

"Both." 

"Come on! I can help!"

"How?" I sit down next to her, placing a friendly hand on her shoulder.

"We all have to start somewhere. I know the technique and mindset so I can help you get there if it's something you want."

"I would love to be able to do what you just did but if people didn't think you could do it then what would they think about me trying it." 

"I will beat them up. Or we can do it in a private session if it makes you more comfortable." 

"I don't know."

"Oh come one Nat, let me help you." 

"Fine but we are not jumping straight to 380lbs." 

"I wouldn't make you leg press that much if you haven't done it before."

"Fine. Next session we can start small."

"What have you managed before?"

"I haven't ever used the machine. I do some leg exercises but I mainly focus on my arms and back."

"Okay so we can test it. Start at something light, like, 50lbs and move up 10lbs each time till you can't."

"Okay deal."

"Perfect." I nudge our shoulders together as Nat stands up from the bench holding her hand out to me which I use to hoist myself up.

"Now go home and have a shower. You stink."

"First of all I have all my stuff in the G-Wagon so I am heading straight to Wanda's. Second of all, you do too." She flips me off so I poke my tongue out at her.

"You're such a child sometimes." 

"Well I am only 22." I place my hands in front of me, swaying my body left to right in a childlike manner.

"Oh yeah, I know." She laughs as I scoff.

"What's that meant to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing at all." She smirks at my grumbling.

"You're just jealous."

"Of what?" 

"That I'm 15 years younger than you." She hits me in the chest offhandedly.

"Actually only 14. I don't turn 37 until December 3rd." 

"Oh cool. So what do you want for your birthday?"

"It's literally still October. I just said it's not until December."

"Well I need to have a look around. And I don't know you as well as Wanda so I need to ask the question."

"I don't know. I will think about it. Or just ask Wanda." 

"You know she will just shrug her shoulders and say 'I don't know what you think'. Right?"

"That's a you problem not a me problem."

"It becomes a you problem when you don't get a birthday present." 

"Fine I will have a think and get back to you. Okay?"

"It's better than saying nothing." 

"Anyway. Go home to the wife and kids and leave me alone." I hold my hands up in mock surrender as she starts to nudge me out to the exit of the gym.

"She's not my wife, yet." 

"I don't care. You act like a married couple sometimes."

"I don't know whether that's a good or bad thing."

"It's a good thing."

"Okay." 

I go to say something else but Natasha's phone rings as she holds up a finger telling me to wait just a second. As she answers it I hear a muffled voice speaking Russian on the other end but try not to invade her privacy, especially when she speaks back to them in Russian. She gives me an apologetic look before turning to speak on the phone again.

"Let me put you on hold." She presses a button on her phone, covering the mic as she turns back to me.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, just my parents. So text me when you get back from Canada and we can organise our gym routine."

"Coolio. I will see you later."

"See you later, bear. Oh also I forgot to say this yesterday but you hurt those boys and Wanda I hurt you. Capeesh."

"Capeesh." She gives me a smile as she moves in for a small hug before she remembers she is on the phone. "See you later, bear."

"See you soon black widow." She flips me off from behind as she starts to walk in the other direction.

I lift my gym bag over my shoulder properly as I make my way to the parking lot, chucking my bag into the back of the G-Wagon before climbing into the driver's side. I turn the ignition to start warming the car up. I may be hot and sweaty from the gym but the cold of autumn in New York is a painful contrast. I pull out my phone laughing at the message I see from Wanda.

Princess: Packing is going...yeah it's just going. The boys seem to be packing light and I have to keep reminding them it's going to be snowing where we are. It is going to be snowing right?"

Me: It should snow at some point. The first few days we are there it will be cold and sunny allowing us to explore but afterwards it will be heavy snow. I'm also on my way, I am going to need a shower before I start helping you guys pack.

Princess: It sounds beautiful wherever we are going. And yes please have a shower before handling any of the clothes. I don't want sweaty hand stains on them.

Me: Rude.

Princess: Are you sweaty?

Me: Yes

Princess: Exactly. Now get that beautiful butt of yours over here so I can see you.

Me: Alright I'm on my way. Love you princess.

Princess: Love you too my sweet girl.

I start the car, connecting my phone's bluetooth to it so I can have a  concert on the way to Wanda's. I was singing my heart out like no one was watching, well I guess no one is since the G-Wagon has tinted windows, my hands drumming on the steering wheel as I dance in my seat to the beat. I was smiling the whole drive, and my smile only grew when I pulled in front of the apartment building. 

I grabbed my gym bag that had my clothes from today in it, as I decided not to make it smell by getting changed at the gym, and hauled it onto my shoulder as I locked the car. I bounded up the stairs and when I got to the door I knocked excited with both hands making a small beat. 

As soon as the door opened I was met by Wanda's beaming smile, as she tiptoed, putting one of her hands on my bicep as she connected our lips pecking them a few times. She pulled away, going back to the flats of her feet so I used my finger and thumb to tilt her head so I could give her a few more kisses before pulling away to enter the apartment. 

"Hi baby."

"Hi princess. Am I okay to use the shower and wash these?" I gesture to the gym clothes on my body.

"Mhmm." Wanda hummed as she took her bottom lip between her teeth as her eyes scanned me up and down. When I curl an eyebrow in question she simply smirks and shrugs her shoulders before turning around. 

"Mom is that Y/n?" I hear Tommy shouts from somewhere in the apartment.

"Why don't you come out here and find out instead of shouting." Wanda looks back at me rolling her eyes before they raked over my body again. 

It was only now that I remember I'm quite literally in a sports bra and really short workout shorts. I smirk at her as I turn my back to her. Bending down to take my shoes off the bag landing on the floor as it falls off my arm. Once my shoes are off I take the opportunity to stand up and stretch my arms above my head bending left to right a couple of times, then bend down to grab the bag hauling it over my shoulder so it rests on my back. I turn around and smirk at the lip bite and lust blown pupils that are evident on Wanda's face, her cheeks have a light blush covering them.

"You okay there princess?"

"Mhm…"She clears her throat as she shakes her head a little. "Yeah, Yeah. I'm good."

"Are you sure mom? You look a little red in the face." I hold in my laugh at Tommy's innocence.

"Yeah. I'm fine Tommy, it's just a little hot in here...all of a sudden." She mumbles the last part as she turns away from me.

"Mom, I'm wearing a jumper and have a blanket around me, it's not cold, it's freaking freezing." I press my lips together when I let a small laugh out and get a glare from Wanda. 

"Yeah mom, it is quite cold even with the heating on." Billy enters the room wrapped in a blanket to then looks at me. "Oh hey Y/n."

"Hello Billy." I try to keep my voice as even as possible as I try not to laugh at the situation.

"What's the get up for?" Billy points to my gym outfit, or lack thereof.

"Just got back from the gym."

"Ah, well that makes it all make sense." I raise my eyebrows in surprise at Billy's insinuation as Wanda’s face burns a bright red but Tommy in all his innocence looks highly confused.

"What makes sense now?" Billy pats his brother on the shoulder at his question.

"I will tell you when you're older Tommy." Billy lets out a laugh when his brother looks even more confused.

"But we are the same age." Tommy whines and I slowly step out of the room towards Wanda bedroom so I can get myself sorted but manage to over hear Billy's next words. "Mom got a little flustered Tommy, that's all." 

I laugh as I hear the boy squeal, and when I lean to look down the hallway I see Wanda chasing Billy with a smile on her face so she isn't really mad. Probably just embarrassed. She is able to grab him and starts tickling him as he kicks his legs about as she manages to lift him off the ground slightly. When she hears me laugh down the hallway she puts him back down on the floor making eye contact with me as she tilts her head playfully. 

Oh shit.

I bolt into her bedroom ridding myself of my clothes along the way, and dash into the ensuite. I step into the walk in shower turning it on, the cold water bringing relief to my sore muscles. I smirk when I hear the bedroom door open and close and the quick footsteps heading towards me. Just as I think she is about to enter there's a soft knock at the door, which makes me furrow my brows slightly. 

"Yeah!" I shout over the water.

"It's me baby, can I come in?" My heart melts at her caring tone.

"It's unlocked already." 

I turn the control to start allowing hot water to flow through as I move to open the sliding door as Wanda opens the bathroom door still in her clothes. She peaks her head in the door, smiling at me when she sees me with my head poking out of the shower door. My brows scrunch when I see a small pout on her lips that I don't think she even knows what she's doing. Her eyes look into mine, still standing behind the door mostly and not entering the bathroom. 

"Can I join you?" Her eyes light up when I slide the door open more and hold out my hand into the cold bathroom air. 

"Of course you can." 

Wanda moves into the bathroom, locking the door, as she starts to strip out of her clothes. I lean out the door more, giving her cheek a small kiss before scooting back under the water. I stand with my back facing the door, as I rest a hand against the wall leaning my weight against it my head bowed and my eyes closed as I take slow breaths. The water hitting the top of my neck, running down my back and over my shoulders. Suddenly, feeling exhausted and my energy draining from my body. I definitely pushed myself too hard at the gym today.

A small smile grows on my face when I feel Wanda’s arms wrapping around my waist and planting a few small kisses on my back. Her arms move to grab either side of my waist tugging slightly to start turning my body around, so I stand up and let her twirl me around to face her. 

"You okay baby?"

"Mhmm, just sore from the gym." 

"Okay, tilt your head back." I peek one eye open to see Wanda looking at me with all the love in the world. "I'll help you wash, you just relax."

"Mhmm, love you princess." Wanda's finger and thumb pull my chin down slightly as she plants a single kiss on my lips.

"Love you too, now head back for me." She uses her finger and thumb again to tilt my chin the other way the water starts to run through my long hair. "Turn around for me."

I do as I'm asked, turning around so my back is facing Wanda again, my head still tilted back as the water continues to run through my hair: the big square shower head making it easier to remain under the water. I feel Wanda's hands start to weave through my hair, carefully untangling it as she does. 

I feel her hands move away, I keep my eyes closed head back just enjoying the hot water that's running down my body. Wanda taps my shoulder, so I turn around to see her with the shampoo bottle in her hand. Her hand moves to rest on my waist as we switch position Wanda's back now under the water as I stand in the shower. That's lucky, warm from the steam as it's enclosed so the hot water and steam warm up the whole shower. 

"Head back baby." 

I lean my head back, closing my eyes once more, and Wanda's hands start working at the back of my head. Her hands scratch at the back of my head, then slowly move through my hair making sure the shampoo spreads nicely. Her hands then scratch at the right side of my scalp, I release a small sigh at the feeling as her nails move along my skin. Her hands move my hair behind my ear as she pulls it over my shoulder and down my back as she pulls the shampoo through it. She does the same on the other side and I melt at the feeling of her nails that she has started to grow out a little when they scratch against my scalp. 

When I hear a strained noise leave her lips, and her hands trying to reach for the front of my head I smile and bend my legs a little to match her height. I know for a fact that she rolls her eyes at my movement but her hands finally reach the front of my head, pulling all the hairs off my forehead. 

"Thank you baby." 

"For what?"

"Bending down." I let out a small laugh and she gently taps the top of my head.

"What's the tap for?" I mumble into the shower as I sigh when I feel her fingers drag from the front of my head to the back.

"Well I was going to hit your shoulder in retaliation but I wasn't sure what your reaction would be, so I tapped your head since you knew my hands were already there." I smile at her reasoning, turning my body slightly so I can look over my shoulder puckering my lips.

Wanda smiles at me and stands on her tiptoes as she pecks my lips a couple of times, and I watch as her arm comes down and makes contact with my shoulder. I let out a small laugh rolling my eyes, but turn back around so she can finish weaving the shampoo through my hair.

Her hands once again leave my hair, gently placing them on my waist as she pulls me back under the water with her. Wanda's hands start washing the shampoo out, massaging my scalp as she does and I melt at the feeling. I love sharing these intimate moments with her, not needing anything sexual to enjoy the closeness of our bodies. 

"Time for conditioner and bodywash baby." When I don't reply I feel her hands back on my waist and I let out a small hum. "Don't go falling asleep now."

"Mmm. Just taking in the moment. This is nice." 

"Okay. Well keep enjoying the moment, but I need you out of the water so I can put the conditioner in." She pushes against my hip lightly and I take a few steps forward.

"Love you princess."

"Love you too." She hums a tune to herself as she starts her hand movements in my hair again, lathering the conditioner in making sure it gets all the way to the ends. 

"Sorry for being lethargic."

"It's okay baby. You're adorable like this, and I'm more than happy to help you. So I'm assuming you and Nat went hard at the gym."

"We did. Yesterday wasn't so bad, only something small. However, I've not been to the gym in ages and today we did my normal workout routine with extra weights. My arms are dead. My legs are dead. I can't feel my abs. My back is stiff."

"It's okay baby, you can sit or lay down in a minute." Wanda finishes putting the conditioner on my hair, and she leaves a small peck on my shoulder.

When I look over my shoulder to see what she is doing, I smile as she rubs her hands together as the body wash starts to get soapy. She looks up to me, to see me already smiling at her and she sends me a small wink. Her hands move up to my shoulders, and I let out a small groan, my head tilting backwards as she digs her fingers into my sore muscles. Her thumbs rubbing harsh circles into my shoulder blades and bottom of my neck. 

"That feel good?" All I can do is hum a yes, hearing a small laugh leave her lips. 

Her hands move to my sides slowly moving downwards as her thumbs press into my back as they move down. Her fingers pressed into my sides, helping me to relax even more. Once she reaches the bottom of my back she uses her thumb and finger to gently pinch the skin as her hands move back up the middle of back. 

Her hands then move to my right shoulder gently rubbing her hands over the top of it as she slowly moves down to my arm. Her index finger and thumb of each hand encase my arm. She slowly starts to drag it down my arm squeezing my muscles as she does the skin rippling in front of her thumbs and fingers. She goes all the way down to my wrist, placing her thumbs on top of my hand, her fingers resting in my palm. She drags her hands down my hand, her thumbs pressing into my skin moving around the outline of my hand then down the middle as her fingers press circles into my palm. 

When she gets down to my fingers, she wraps her hand around my thumb then gently pulls at it as she twists her hand around a little. She does the same for the rest of my fingers and when she is finished she gently allows my arm to drop next to my side before starting the same process on my other arm. 

Once she has finished massaging my hands she puts more body wash on her hands and starts washing the front of my body, gently pushing my back under the warm water. My head tilts back on its own when Wanda's thumb starts to push into my abs in tight circles. A small moan leaves my lips, Wanda laughing at the sound.

"Mmm, don't laugh." I grumble, too tired to even try to lift my head to look at her.

"You're the one who made the noise." I shrug my shoulders as she pushes my body more under the water to wash the rest of the soap off. 

"Mmm, I love you." 

"Is this a new thing that you're starting?"

"What thing?"

"You keep telling me you love me." I find the energy to tilt my head forward, my hands moving to wipe the water out my face peaking my eyes open to look at Wanda.

"Is it a problem?"

"Not at all, just thought maybe there was a reason behind it." 

"Just want to make sure you know I love you, even with us taking space apart."

"Well then I will say it back every time. I love you too." She stands on her tiptoes to peck my lips. "Why don't you go get yourself changed? I will just wash myself and join you. The dinner is prepared and ready to be put in the oven so when we're ready we can have that." 

"Okay princess. Thank you for helping me."

"Of course." 

I move past her to get out of the shower squeezing her hand lightly as I pass, before sliding the door open and wrapping myself into a towel. I wrap my hair in another towel and head into the bedroom, as I look around for some clothes. I smile when I open my draw and realise she kept my clothes in there, so I grab some sweatpants and a tank top from the draw then move to the wardrobe. I scrunch my brows when I only see one hoodie of mine in there, but take it from the clothes hanger. 

Once I've changed I sit on the end of the bed using the towel to lightly dry my hair, smiling when I see Wanda shuffling out of the bathroom. I keep my eyes on her as she grabs a few of her clothes and starts getting dressed. When she pulls her hoodie over her head, I tilt my head when I recognise it.

"That's my hoodie." I smile standing up and making my way over to Wanda, as she looks over her shoulder with a shy smile.

"It smells like you." She shrugs, a light blush covering her cheeks. 

"Well you always did look better in my clothes?" Wanda turns to face me, the sleeves of the hoodie hanging past her hands as it comes down to the end of her thighs. 

"I've slept in it since Monday." She shrugs as her hands come together in front of her fiddling with sleeves as she rolls them up. 

"How are you doing being apart like this?" 

"It was a little odd...is a little odd since we spent every night together. But the clothes help, I can't wait to cuddle with you tonight." A give her a sad smile tilting her chin up to peck her lips a couple times. "I'm okay baby. I'm okay."

"Okay princess. How about I bring some more of my clothes back from the penthouse once we get back from Canada so you have more to wear or snuggle up to?" 

"Yeah?" A toothy grin drawing up the corner of her lips.

"Of course." 

"Thank you baby." 

"I love you princess." I give her lips one more peck before taking a small step back.

"Mmm, love you too, baby.

================================

[dnangelic]

i just wanted to send some positive words your way and let you know that i absolutely adore the way you write both dark and daisuke. it's clear you put a lot of thought and love into both of them, and your posts have always brought a smile to my face. i'll never forget the shock i felt when your blog popped up in my recommended and, i was on call with my boyfriend at the time, he hears me go 'NO WAY, ARE YOU SERIOUS?' before i slapped the follow button LOL d.n.angel holds a special part of my early teenage years and your blog brings the warmth and nostalgia i felt all those years ago. i almost feel like that 14 year old again, giddy over a silly anime and kicking my feet with excitement every time i see your posts c: thank you for being such a joyous presence on my dash

YOOOO YOU FOUND ME FROM TUMBLR RECCS???? that's so funny... i always thought that thing was useless but i've been proven so wrong LMAO. I'M REAL THOUGH. I'M SO REAL!!! *DOES A JIG* I'M SO GLAD MY BLOG CAN MAKE YOU FEEL THAT WAY TOO 😭🤧PLEASE IT MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. dnangel is such a weird series because it feels like everyone's at least -SEEN- or heard of it at least once but then it's still weirdly niche?? like there's not really anything for it esp anymore and nobody talks about it esp now that it's finally finished (manga-wise) after 30 some years but it's still like. most popular/easily recognized niche series ik off the top of my head JJGJKFKJ TYSM FOR UR COMPLIMENTS OVER MY PORTRAYAL TOO!!!

making this blog was such a good exercise in my own growth because going back to it sugisaki had such BANGER themes that i didn't even notice or totally grasp at first when i myself was in middleschool, so i feel like i'm lowkey compensating and paying proper attention to everybody now that i have. well. better critical thinking skills and media literacy DFKJKJGKJKJ even going back i was kind of surprised how it dealt with such dark topics like grief and death and the consequences of Playing God or sins and cycles when like.......... it's also a silly little dramatic rom-com about middleschoolers and immortals but it still never leaves you feeling hopeless or lonely, which as also sugisaki's intention with the series!! it's so nice!! i really wanted to be able to emulate the overall messages of her characters and loving art esp since it ends up so meta for us writers. i'm just happy to write!! doesn't have to be perfect or even exact, since i do take a tiny bit of creative/hc liberty with my own inspos and portrayals for dai n dark! but i'm always having sm fun interacting with everybody, AND I RLLY APPRECIATE U TOO!!! 🙇🙇

i'll probably be around for a looooong time bc dai n dark r just as much treasured and influential for me (i was also one of those 14 yr olds, i have embarrassing dnangel merch on top of piles of manga laying around, im certifIED REAL FAN /J) but it makes me so happy my posts bring u joy. im glad bc i know i can post/talk ooc a lot before i get the time to actually properly sit down and Write but that's just how it is for a lot of us kjgkjgfb anyways, thank u again!! things like this rlly help my confidence since actually at the start i had no idea if i could do like... a protagonist (daisuke)/'popular' (to me. dark/dnangel is popular and legendary and overwhelming in the eyes of the tumblr populace to Me-) chara any justice, but im put at ease any time i get such warm feedback like this!!! 💐💐💐FOR YOU! u get even more flowers this time straight from me!!! go buy urself a treat for being so nice!!!

[catreginae]

I accidentally lost the ask that ❄️ anon sent! I don't have the exact wording, but they asked to see a picture and asked about how to take care of a chinchilla, especially regarding dust baths since that's popular content. I swear that ask was cursed because I've had to 'answer' it three times now and I'm not happy about it.

Obviously, this won't be a complete guide and you should always do a lot of research and preparation before committing to owning an animal. You should always make sure you can provide for an animal before getting one.

I'll start with the dust baths since they were brought up in the ask. Yes, Chi Chi has dust baths but unlike what I see on on Instagram at least, he has a cardboard box because my sister wants him to have a lot of room to dig and roll. Chinchillas actually need dust baths because they shouldn't get wet (their fur is too dense for it to dry easily) but they still get oils on their skin, so the dust baths solve that problem. He loves a good dust bath and he gets so excited when he sees us with his box, but too many dust baths will make their skin too dry, so Chi Chi doesn't get them as often as he wants.

There's also their cage set up to contend with. They can jump pretty high and they jump around a lot, so they do need a cage with some vertical space. We have three levels for Chi Chi with a lot of platforms and perches. He has a whole route he follows to get up and down his cage. Their cage also needs places for them to hide and be in the dark. We have a wheel for exercise but we had to get one off of Etsy because none of the pet store ones are big enough (they need to be at least 16" across to keep their spines straight while running).

For food, chinchillas eat timothy hay mostly (or something like orchard grass or botanical hay when he's feeling kinda picky). That is the majority of their diet and they need 24/7 access to it. Chinchillas constantly need something in their digestive tract so they do need that constant access to it. They can be wasteful though, so be prepared to give them lots of hay and then throwing out lots of hay too. I've watch Chi Chi eat half a piece of hay and then chucking the rest of it away because it was beneath him, I guess. We also give Chi Chi pellets and treats! Another ask had a treat question in it, so I'll answer that in there.

Temperature is really important to chinchillas becuase their fur is so dense that they have a hard time regulating their temperature. It's pretty easy for them to overheat, especially in the summer. His cage is in the basement when doesn't get as hot as the rest of the house, but we also have a mini AC unit, we have some fans, and marble blocks that we rotate in out of the fridge (the idea is that you always have one in the fridge so that when one gets warm, you switch it out). If it's really hot, sometimes we wrap up an ice pack and let him sit on that for a bit. So yeah, it's important to make sure they don't get too hot.

Their teeth never stop growing and that's super expensive if you have to go to the vet for that because chinchilla dentistry is super specialized. We've spent like $1300 on his two surgieres. That being said, they need chew toys to help with their teeth. You have to make sure that the wood is safe for chinchilla, so if you don't know what something of, don't get it for them. We go to Etsy for this a lot because the petstore selection is kind of small.

Anyway, I think that will be it for now! At least for this ask.

This is Chi Chi, hiding from the vet.

[skullfragments]

Hi!👋With @zenaidamacrouras1 's blessing (and much appreciated guiding questions) I'm going to add some additional context as someone with mild-moderate(ish) scoliosis. This comes with the obvious disclaimers that all this info comes from my own personal experience and is certainly not universal!

this is definitely going to get long so 'read more' at your own risk

I will also preface this with a few other things:

I'm 25 and was first diagnosed in middle school (12?) At the time, the bend in my spine was very small and was no where near the degree it would be to necessitate surgery. From then and into high school, I went to a chiropractor pretty regularly for alignments and basically keep it from progressing (regularly = at least once a week)

Since starting college, I have not gone back to chiro for a multitude of reasons. One being that I was not living at home at the time and didn't have the means to regularly leave campus let alone find a new local place. Another being that a minimum of $50 a week in copays just for that was no longer feasible.

The last thing I will say is that I am not the best at taking care of myself. I don't do stretches and exercises as often as I should, and my physical capabilities suffer for it. With this, I don't know what the state of my scoliosis is at this point. I would say it has progressed since I was in HS, but still not to the degree of needing surgery (or maybe I'm just used to living like this? who's to say🤷‍♀️)

I'm an artist and went to Art School so if Steve in your fic also makes art - bonus info! yay! (p.s. those of you who write disabled artist steve: i love you)

I often joke that I have the body of a 70 year old man because of all the ways it creaks and groans. And lemme tell you - there's nothing like a bad back to remind you that, yes indeed, all of your bones are connected to other bones. If your back is fucked up, eventually your neck, hips, knees, shoulders will also get fucked up (even if just temporary side effects).

That being said, my day-to-day life isn't terrible or unmanageable. There are certain physical limits I know I can handle, and sometimes I will choose to ignore those limits and push through whatever discomfort or pain it causes.

I know that when going anywhere, I need to wear comfortable and supportive shoes (athletic sneakers for running or walking) to maximize the amount of time I'm able to walk or stand without pain. Sometimes I choose to wear one of my shitty pairs of Converse anyway😤 If I'm wearing my good sneakers, I can probably go for around an hour before my mid-back starts to bother me. It doesn't start with straight up pain - it's more of an ache, and like those muscles are starting to stiffen up. When that happens, usually sitting to rest for 5-10 minutes and some minor stretches provides enough relief for me to continue for the next hour or so, depending on how much I pushed myself in the first place. If there isn't any place to sit (RIP) I'll lean against a wall with my knees slightly bent - this takes some pressure off your spine so it's no longer the main thing holding up your whole body. Needless to say, this is not as helpful as actually sitting down.

On the flip side, sitting for too long can also cause this discomfort. I'm typically using my laptop while sitting up in bed, and I will shift positions a lot. I would say that one position stays comfortable for about an hour on my memory foam mattress, supported by two pillows, and one of those travel neck pillows if I need it (I won't actually wear it around my neck - picture it almost like a halo in medieval paintings.) Sitting in my chair at the dining table (cushioned but with a hard back), discomfort comes much quicker. Mostly because I'm more likely to be leaning forward, as there's no way to recline in that type of chair. Long car rides are also difficult. I'll get that stiffness probably around the hour mark, and it just sorta compounds the longer I'm sitting there. A few months ago I went on a road trip with my friends, we pretty much spent a whole day in the car (5 hrs - 2 hr break moving around - 6 hrs again) and I could barely move after. I stretched as much as I could bear (not much tbh everything just hurts at that point) and popped advil. The next day, yes my back was sore, but it was the pain in my hips that made walking so difficult (that back bone really IS connected to the hip bone. gd) I'll also say that my neck pain most often comes with long periods of sitting/bad sitting posture rather than any other physical activity. Even sitting here typing this, I'm constantly aware of my sitting posture, and I know I need to stretch or readjust if I feel my neck getting stiff.

Aside from sitting, standing, and walking around, being physical in almost any other way can cause the discomfort I described. Anything from actual exercise routines, playing any kind of sport, lifting things, cleaning the house, cooking, washing dishes, etc. is going to start with that feeling of my back stiffening up until it gets to the point of hurting and feeling like I can't move. The pain I experience also manifests in the form of migraines (which if I wake up with one - my day is basically a wash). There's also a myriad of random twinges that I'll get in my neck, shoulders, mid-back, and lower back either during physical activity or literally just turning my head or taking a step "wrong". Sometimes these twinges are just that, sometimes they are a Warning. As in: one more "wrong" move and you are down for the count my guy.

If you've never experienced your back going out, I truly hope you never do. I've had both minor and major instances, and it can range from a short-lived spasming feeling to white-hot fire like pain where even once it calms, all you can do is lay flat and unmoving for half the day (moving comes with a sharp pain). Personally, I've tried both ice and heat methods during these instances and never really got relief from either. The only thing that has helped me is rest and careful stretching once I'm able to again.

When I actually do my stretches, I focus a lot on my neck movements along with my back. The ones I do are pretty basic and will probably be the first things that come up if you search "stretches for sore back" lol. I've done some very beginner yoga in the past but never kept up with it (oops), and I know it has helped many people with similar issues, but I had a hard time getting past the parts where moving my body a certain way hurt too much.

To quickly get into any art-related stuff - and I will say that probably many artists experience what I'm about to describe even without any physical ailments, just maybe that they experience it after extended periods of time rather than like... 30 minutes. If Steve is someone who uses an easel, he needs a chair or stool to sit on. Depending on what he's working on, he might switch between standing and sitting or leaning. (If it's some freeform piece, yes. If he's working from life, he's most likely to pick one stance to work from so as to not shift his perspective of his reference) If Steve is someone who works at a desk, he might use a table easel or a drafting table that can tilt so he's not constantly hunched over. (though if he does watercolor that needs a flat surface... rip his neck and upper back for the next 2 days) If Steve is using a specific kind of tool/machinery/whatever, any type of repetitive motion is going to cause that back stiffening ESPECIALLY if it's a motion with one arm/side of his body.

...

uhhhh so I wrote A Lot but I hope it is helpful information. I'm also happy to answer any other questions - both about living with scoliosis or having gone to art school lol. If the most I get out of my BFA is describing first-hand experiences to fic writers than I will be happy <3

Writing Modern Steve Roger's Health Issues: A compendium

AKA How do Steve Rogers' MCU canon illnesses hold up in a modern setting?  

I am writing something that is SO NICHE and so NERDY I feel absolutely, positively deviant about it. Who knew you could have this much fun while eating a burrito and sitting in the sun on your back porch? 

OKAY! This one goes out to all of you writing modern AU's with a modern Steve Rogers. (There are literally dozens of us!). Let's go.

So, I find it somewhat problematic when people write disabled or otherwise medically complicated characters and are wishy-washy about the diagnosis they have. In real life, everyone I know with ongoing medical issues is a fucking expert on their exact shit. A great tumblr reference for disabled characters is Cripple Characters, but I also use reddit threads to read about people’s day to day experiences with different issues in their own words. If nothing else, just decide what your character has and take ten minutes and read through a basic website article about it. 

So let's walk through what modern Steve's medical history and diagnoses might be. If you feel like I missed any details or got things wrong, happy to have comments to that end.

We'll start with the list of “ailments,” going with the MCU canon and combining the images from the museum exhibit and screen shots of Steve’s enlistment forms:

Asthma

Scoliosis

Fallen arches

Partial deafness

Scarlet Fever, Rheumatic Fever

Heart arrhythmia

High blood pressure

Palpitation or pounding in heart

Easy fatigability

Stomach ulcers

Pernicious anemia

Nervous trouble of any sort

Sinusitis

Chronic or frequent colds

Caveat: I am not a doctor, but I am a person who enjoys reading medical journal articles about illnesses I do and don’t have. The human body is a fascinating and terrible place to live. Talk to me about your medical complications - I will always find them interesting. I love small talk about Crohn’s disease and/or extremely graphic details about the time you had surgery because one of your wrist bones was the wrong length. 

Sucks To Your Assmar: Asthma! How has asthma changed? 

Kids who have their asthma well managed at a young age are going to have less scarring and lung damage (this is called airway remodeling). Thus a modern kid will likely have less severe asthma than a kid born in Steve’s time. Further, allergy medicines got way better from the 1990s, so kids with allergy induced asthma would have had fewer attacks. Fewer attacks as kids = less severe asthma as they age. 

I would also note that asthma is highly connected to environmental issues. If Steve grew up in a house with cigarette smoke, cockroaches, rats, or mold present, as is fairly easy to imagine, especially without dehumidifiers in a swampy Brooklyn summer, those are environmental factors that would have made his asthma much worse. 

They are also all factors that kids today certainly face, depending on how you write your modern Steve’s childhood. While people today certainly can have very severe asthma, it’s also entirely possible that modern Steve’s relationship to his asthma is pretty chill and easy to manage. (My partner has relatively severe asthma with a lot of environmental triggers; modern allergy medicine was a big game changer.)

Let’s talk about scoliosis ~~

There are a lot of variations to how scoliosis impacts people. I have very minor scoliosis and it's barely a thing in my life. I’m not trying to speak for everyone, but for what it’s worth, there are professional athletes with spinal fusion. I used Kyra Condie as my justification for writing climbing coach post-spinal fusion small Steve Rogers in one fic. My younger brother and best friend in high school both had spinal fusions. 

In reality the athletic and physical abilities of people with spinal fusion vary pretty much exactly as much as people without spinal fusion, so you have a lot of leeway for how you decide to write a character with scoliosis. I recommend reddit threads to read about people talking about how their bodies felt before and after spinal fusion, or why they decided not to have the surgery, if you want to get a sense of how it might affect your character’s day to day life.

Wait, so how tall is modern small Steve Rogers? 

You can see in this article that gains in height post scoliosis corrective surgery/spinal fusion varies, but the mean was 27 mm (1 inch) and the maximum was 66 mm (2.5 inches). 

The more severe the curve in the spine, the more height gained with surgery. 

We know Steve had scoliosis, we don’t know how severe it was (do we?). But if he was 5’4” without spinal fusion, and with all of his childhood fevers, and possible poor nutrition due to the Great Depression and untreated stomach ulcers, then it’s very reasonable that a modern Steve raised with proper nutrition and his gastrointestinal issues (see below!) properly treated and a spinal fusion could be easily 1-10 inches taller. 

I think it’s great if you want to write modern Small Steve as 5’4” - but I tend to write him as 5’7” or so. 

I think it is entirely likely that a modern Steve Rogers could end up being 6 feet tall given modern medical intervention and a healthy digestive system and adequate nutrition. As an example of how people with more or less the same genetics having different heights due to environmental factors, I know of one family of four brothers that immigrated from Italy in the 40s. Their height was 100% correlated to their age when they moved to the US/started having access to food: the oldest brother was around 5’4” and the youngest around 6 feet. The oldest was also a chain smoker and worked full time from around age 8, so you know, he was a fucking badass 5'4" Italian guy, if that's not clear.

What about fallen arches? 

Fun story, but I have fallen arches/flat feet and had a lot of foot pain as a kid, but I thought it was normal. I wear custom orthotics and/or birkenstocks and do exercises to strengthen my feet muscles and it's fine now as long as I remember to do the things I just mentioned. My dad had to have multiple surgeries on his feet, so I think it helped that they caught it earlier in me. 

Should I write modern non-serum Steve as deaf? 

Maybe! I think it’s lovely when people write characters with hearing issues. There are great blogs that cover ways to do that well (a good link, another one, and another one and I think this one on hearing aids is particularly good if you are trying to bring in subtle day to day routine differences a character that wears hearing aids may have. Another great option is, again, reddit, especially for questions around how sexual intimacy might vary in small ways that can be nice to bring in. (I am working on a fic with a seeing character whose ex is blind and also read a lot of couples first hand experience with sexual intimacy around that dynamic on reddit). 

But how likely is it that modern Steve would be deaf? 

I think that it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s hearing issues were a result of Scarlet Fever, which is a bacterial infection that can result in rheumatic fever, an inflammatory condition that develops in more severe cases of scarlet fever. 

Scarlet fever caused deafness - in fact, both Helen Keller and Thomas Edison had hearing loss due to scarlet fever infections. Further, sustained fevers of over 104 degrees can also cause hearing loss, so there is a reasonable chance that some other fever caused Steve’s hearing issues. 

Today, the kind of hearing loss caused by fevers and infections can usually be surgically repaired or never occur because we have better antibiotics and better medicines to treat fevers. However, I have a friend who has partial hearing loss and lots of other life long nervous system and fatigue issues due to complications from childhood chicken pox in the 80s (this vaccine came around in 1995).

I don’t know if it’s canon or fanfiction, but I often see Steve as having one bad ear. For what it’s worth, hearing loss in one ear is much less common than hearing loss in both ears. 

However, potential causes of hearing loss in one ear are infections that result in a high fever and some kind of head trauma, both of which are easy to imagine would have affected a Steve born in 1918, and while possible in a modern Steve, also easier to avoid. 

Heart Stuff: Heart arrhythmia, High blood pressure, Palpitation of pounding in heart, Easy fatigability

The aforementioned fevers that can cause hearing loss can also cause heart issues. I think it’s reasonably likely that Steve’s heart issues were from his fevers as a young kid, but I often write him with a congenital heart defect, because why not? 

These days, most of the time, such issues are detected at or before birth and fixed when the person is a baby, but there are plenty of heart issues that can require multiple heart surgeries at various points. Regardless, a modern Steve would most likely either have had access to corrective surgery or medication to manage these heart conditions. Which is not to say that he wouldn’t suffer mental and physical trauma from this medical complication. 

There are plenty of professional athletes you can find who have all of the above heart issues. And plenty of people with heart issues who have no interest in being professional athletes, so like, follow your bliss. 

Digestive System Stuff: Easy fatigability, Stomach ulcers, Pernicious anemia

I have easy fatigability under heart stuff too, because lots of shit can make you tired. 

My personal head canon is that Steve Rogers has celiac disease and/or lactose intolerance, it would cause all of the above. Both can also lead to poor growth - in fact falling off growth charts is one of the most common symptoms of celiac disease in children. 

While people have been aware of celiac disease since there were people, gluten wasn’t identified as the clear cause till the 50s. 

I typically write modern Steve with some kind of food allergy, and I think that addresses quite a few of his canon medical complications. 

Because so many causes of this category of symptoms are relatively easily solved with modern medical intervention/avoiding the problem, I would point folks towards Crohn’s disease if you are looking to write a modern character with medical issue that is more likely to be an ongoing source of similar medical complications today.

(Also, kids with Crohn’s are likely to have reduced height. I have a friend who has Crohn's whose 3 siblings are well over 6 feet and he is around 5'8" (so 4-6 inches aka 11+ cm shorter due to his severe childhood illness).)

Nervous trouble of any sort

Kids with medical complications and food allergies are much more likely to have anxiety. I’m so proud of all the kids making it through the day with anxiety. Luff you anxiety kids, I see you working twice as hard to be present as the non-anxious kids. Tough as hell. Give yourself a high five. I’m so damn proud of you.

Sinusitis and Frequent colds

I mean, god bless modern decongestants and allergy meds. Celiac disease and lactose intolerance can both cause sinus issues, so here is another one of Steve's ailments that can be "cured" through that diagnosis.

Other stuff

When you look at the above, you can see a lot of scenarios where modern era Steve, like many children/adults today, had multiple surgeries and serious and scary health complications as a child, but as an adult would appear as a relatively healthy able bodied person, with the possibility of even becoming a top athlete if he was so inclined.  It’s also likely that some issues like chronic fatigue etc, might linger into adulthood as relatively invisible illnesses that nonetheless affect his everyday. 

In some ways his character arc given the advances of modern medicine could mimic his arc due to the serum. 

Being medically complicated as a kid sucks. Even if you have surgeries to treat and/or learn how to live with things like Crohn’s and celiac and reduce flare ups, lingering mental health trauma can have an impact. 

Lastly and most importantly, I have a personal headcanon that young Steve Rogers of any era spent a lot of time sick in bed and staring into a mirror learning how to raise one eyebrow and perform other eyebrow gymnastics so he could more effectively sass his nurses. 

IN CONCLUSION:

I think it's actually reasonable for an author to say, "My modern Steve never had any fevers, and got his severe lactose intolerance diagnosed as a baby, and had good nutrition, had medications/clean environment that prevented his asthma."

So this Steve is 6 feet tall and healthy as long as he doesn't eat dairy and takes his daily zyrtec (cetirizine - it's an allergy med). The only medical issue he has from canon left is scoliosis, flat feet, and an astigmatism.

You can also choose to write a Steve with more complex medical issues, and there are lots of things that can be good and interesting and value about that. I think the main thing is to pick a diagnosis and write it realistically, hopefully this helps some with that!

[theyoungprinceling]

The first time Ling was drugged he was twelve.

After lunch and studies he decided to go see Lan Fan on the training field. It was much more entertaining to watch her than to stay inside. That, and on occasion he was able to spar with her and get some exercise in. Although she usually beat him most times...and got flustered and apologized soon after she got him on the ground. But Ling would laugh it off because it was just nice to spend time outside with her.

On the path there he started to feel odd, groggy. His limbs began to feel heavy and it was difficult to walk straight, then it was like he was walking through mud. His first thought was that he didn't eat enough, despite how big the lunch was. It had been a couple hours since then though. Maybe that was it. Or his blood sugar was really working against him.

He didn't even make it halfway to the field before he stumbled and almost faceplanted into the ground. A woman- he didn't even notice he was being followed- caught him just before he hit the ground. Everything still spun.

The woman said, "You look sick. Why don't I take you back inside?"

Inside sounded great. Ling needed more food or simply to sit or lay down for a while. He tried to look up but the action made him dizzy so he kept his eyes on the ground.

Ling said, "Yes, that sounds nice. Thank you, ma'am."

The woman adjusted her grip on him and held him up in a more comfortable way for both of them, holding his arm over her shoulder and her other arm around his waist instead of both her arms wrapped around his middle.

She was just a worker around the palace, Ling had no reason not to trust her. He could barely move on his own anyway and his vision was so blurry he couldn't see where to go. He followed her with no resistance.

They had perhaps only walked for a few minutes before everything was a whirlwind. The woman made some noise, Ling was headed to the ground again, new arms were around him and he was being held up again.

He had a total of five seconds to understand what just happened once he saw the woman on the ground with Fu standing over her. Ling didn't have to have clear vision to know he was angry. He didn't have to have clear vision to know he was being held up by Lan Fan.

This was another kidnapping attempt but...that didn't explain why he felt so odd.

"I don't feel so well," Ling mumbled in response to whatever it was Lan Fan said.

He felt safe in Lan Fan's arms so he let himself pass out.

XXX

When Ling started to come around he couldn't help but groan at his headache. A hammer may as well be banging against his head. The inside of his mouth also felt strange, dry and his tongue was heavy. It reminded him of when he mixed food together that should not have been mixed. His limbs were heavy.

He exhaled slowly and opened his eyes, immediately wanting to close them because of the light overhead, but turned his head to the side instead. Everything was blurred together for a few seconds but the more Ling scanned the area, the clearer his vision became.

He was in his room, laying on his bed. Fu sat on a chair next to it and Lan Fan...She sat against the opposite wall reading a book. Ling swallowed hard and attempted to speak but his throat was too dry. Fu, smart man that he was, got the message and already had a glass of water prepared for him.

After Ling finished downing half the glass, his head lifted up slightly by Fu, he felt much more refreshed.

"What happened?" Ling asked. "Why did I feel so weird before?"

"There was an intruder in the palace- the woman who was with you- and she tampered with your food. Forgive me, Young Lord, I hadn't searched the kitchen yet. I was checking the rooms."

Ling frowned, shook his head. "I don't blame you for this, Fu. I should've noticed something was wrong with my food."

Although, everything tasted normal. Nothing was off about it, as far as he can remember. He did eat rather quickly, though...Sometimes he ate so quick he didn't actually taste what he was eating. Maybe that was the problem.

"You wouldn't have noticed," Fu told him. "You don't have to worry about that woman anymore. She was taken to prison."

Ling smiled. "Thank you, Fu. You too, Lan Fan. You're always saving me."

Lan Fan put her book down and walked to the bedside. "It's my vow. I wouldn't have it any other way."

Ling would. He'd like to be able to fight and protect them as well. Fu and Lan Fan were the only people he had in this world. They were his family. He couldn't imagine what life would be like without either of them in it.

"I guess there is one good thing that came from this. I know what it feels like to be drugged now, so I'll know for the future what to look out for."

"It won't happen again, Young Lord," Fu said. "I did a thorough check of everything and questioned everyone while you were resting."

Ling nodded. "I trust you, Fu. Just by the off chance it happens again, I'll know what's happening."

XXX

Ling followed Edward out of the hospital, listening to him complain about the shot he was given and tossing the bag of medication up and down. He didn't expect Ed's question.

"Do drugs work on you?" His best friend's voice was full of skepticism. Ling couldn't blame him for that, all things considered. "You swallow everything so fast. I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't affected..."

Ling placed his hands in his sleeves and shrugged. "You'd be surprised, Ed. You know what they say: anything's possible."

[delmege]

.

BECAUSE I feel like I am constantly in a 'deciding what to do with my life' position and that I keep making the wrong decisions. because if I made the right ones, surely I wouldn't still be trying to decide?

it might be a grass is always greener thing. because that's a depression thing, too, in that i can tell myself if I do X, then I'll be happpier when actually, I will still be depressed. I am going to look into therapy; I really am. I want to. but it's hard to give a shit when you don't actually give a shit about yourself, y'know?

i think i've been trying to tell myself that I want to quit my job and do this degree because it will give me clarity for four years. for four years, i won't have to face this problem again because I'll be doing the degree. but then the degree will end and I'll be having to make a decision and it will possibly be an even harder one because I'll have been out of the workforce for four years, because I'll be that much older, because I won't have a house anymore and will have that much less money and yes, I know that that's a situatio plenty of 36-year-olds are in but it scares the shit out of me

and I know, I know, do it scared, do it anyway, blah blah blah but everything scares me so it doesn't actually help me make a decision. none of the options appeal because I just straight up want a different life -- even though, no, of course I'm not doing the things I should be in order to get to that different life!

I don't have to move! I could probably get it right here! I just have to DO things! I have to START stuff, join clubs, GO to the fucking office when I'm supposed to and see people. horror of horrors do the fucking dating apps again -- or, realistically, like, at all because when have I ever used them properly?

I remember being 21 and writing about I felt like I was decaying because my life was just going on and I was doing nothing about it but sitting in my parents' house and staying up too late and being depressed and now here I am, 31 and in my own house this tim ebut staying up too late and being depressed and not having a clue what to do and feeling like I'm wasting my life because I'm not making the most of it because i'm TOO FUCKING SCARED

I didn't used to be. Bitch, I flew to Australia by myself, after the worst year of my life, to try to live there for a year. I moved to Wolverhampton to do an apprenticeship in baking even though I didn't know anyone there. I dropped out of university twice to try to find the thing I wanted to do. I've done scary stuff

the problem is that none of that shit worked out for me. I was so scarred and so mentally ill that despite getting TWO jobs in Australia, I couldn't do either of them and I went home after two months, admitting complete defeat. the apprenticeship turned into the worst year of my life when my disordered eating completely took hold and i started self-harming. dropping out of uni, well, that was mental health shit too, I just didn't understand it.

every decision I have made has felt wrong. I have NO idea how to find direction in my life because all the directions I want to go in require me to have a gazillion pounds already OR to live life in poverty and I can't do that.

constantly coming back to the quetsion of like... how the fuck do people live? no, seriously.

I mean, I do actually know. because if I had a full life outside of work, I probably wouldn't be this miserable; I probably wouldn't be this desperate to make a drastic change. I'm just lonely and alone and I spend too much time by myself because I don't have friends here anymore (and let's not get onto THAT topic because I am feeling INCREDIBLY sensitive atm about being left out and friends not talking to me etc).

I know I have to make changes. I know I have to do that. I started exercising and then that went to hell because my back is still fucked. I have emailed a woman about piano lessons. I'm going to find that therapist I emailed months ago and actually reply to her. I know I can fix some stuff, if not all of it. I know that I have to be the one to do it. I know that. I do. Nothing is going to come along and just fix my life, not even really if I won the lottery; it would make shit a HELL of a lot easier but I'd still have work to do

I know it's never too late and I'm still young and there's still time but every day there is a little LESS time and I dread being 40 and looking back on my thirties in the same way that I look back on my twenties now.

I should probably start doing morning pages again. maybe I will. that will give me something to do in the morning to get out of bed for that isn't my job. it would be a good place to put all of this shit.

I know I should go to bed. absolutely. objectively. idk i probably wont though, not tonight. i'm sick of being in bed. i'm sick of having to force myself to get OUT of bed. I start my day, every single day, doing the thing I hate the most. every day starts badly because it starts with getting out of bed. and boy what a sad, pathetic sentence.

anyway i'm off to cry now

[fict1onallyobsessed]

HI um I really like ur Rhea Ripley stuff

and like omg 😮‍💨 she’s just out there making us gay but. Anyway. I wondering if you could do a Rhea x fem!reader where the reader like was working out or something and then Rhea gives reader a massage. Maybe a little booty smack too 👀👀👀👀 PLSNDKWKDK IM SO GAY-

Messing Around

Rhea Ripley x Reader

The gym was relatively empty with it being early morning. You preferred to work out early to go to sleep early, but also mainly so you’d avoid old men staring at you while you did your sets.

Rhea decided to join you since she had a day off, and that woman would do anything to spend ever second of her day with you.

With the bar on your shoulders, you exhaled and got ready to squat. Rhea stood behind you, agreeing to spot you but instead stood there knowing you’d be able to do it on your own. Once you started struggling for your last squat, Rhea got closer and tapped your ass a couple of times.

You struggled to keep the playful scoff in, but it oddly motivated you to finish your last squat before you let the bar back onto the stand.

When you turned around, she had a satisfying smirk on her face. One that spoke millions without vocal reassurance. With a raised eyebrow, you watched as she sat down on a bench closest to you.

“Why are you here if your not doing anything.” You laughed, sitting on the floor next to her and taking the bottle of water out of her hands, opening it before taking a sip.

“I’m being productive by looking at you.”

You scoffed at that, giving her the bottle back before standing up again to head to the moving stairs. Rhea obviously followed you, regardless if she actually did the workout or not.

After a while, you decided you’d had enough and you left, sweating while Rhea was perfectly fine. She offered to drive after she saw how much you tried not to limp to her car, laughing behind you and you struggled to walk. Those squats didn’t do anything in your favour.

“Shut up.” You laughed, finally getting into the passengers seat.

The car ride simply consisted of you moaning about how much your body hurt, then again about how much it’ll hurt tomorrow. Rhea had enough at some point because she sighed with a smile and turned her head to you, placing her hand on your thigh gently.

“If I give you a massage, will you shut up?”

You smiled, looking at her lovingly as she looked back onto the road.

“Yes.”

She laughed and continued to drive, squeezing your leg in the process.

The second you got to her apartment, you walked into the bathroom and started a shower, hissing when your biceps burnt as you tried to take off your hoodie.

“Let me help.” Rhea walked in with a sympathetic smile, reaching for the hem of your hoodie before gently prying it off your stiff body. You couldn’t feel how intense you’d done your exercises at when you were doing them, the pain only now hitting you.

You groaned when the cold air hit you, your skin yearning to touch the hot water pouring down towards the floor.

Finally, you walked under the water and the groan that let your lips made Rhea chuckle. You were exactly expecting it, but the feeling of two arms wrapping themselves around your waist was greatly appreciated.

You hummed and leaning against your stronger girlfriend, cherishing her hands moving up and down your arms before moving to your back. Thumbs rubbing gently into your skin just below your neck, you took in the warmth of both the water and her touch before she pulled away, knowing you’d fall asleep standing if she carried on.

With a disapproving sigh, you watched as she took a bit of the shower gel and rubbed it on your back. By the time she washed you and herself, you were basically asleep.

“The sooner we get out of here the sooner you can sleep.” She whispered in your ear, kissing the crook of your neck, watching as you nodded your head tiredly.

She helped you out and you fell straight into bed, not even caring that it was morning. Your head lay deep in the pillows, inhaling Rhea’s scent before feeling the bed moving as she sat next to you.

“Move onto your stomach.” She gently demanded, feeling the bed move even more as she climbed over your to straddle your legs. Her warm hands met your back, softly massaging the knots and twists in your muscles one by one.

It wasn’t long before you fell asleep, the last thing you recalled was her kissing your head and getting leg off your back to lay next to you.

“You’re Godsend, you know.” You whispered lazily into the pillows.

Chuckling, she tapped your ass once more and cuddles close to you, kissing your face as the two of you fell asleep.

THE END

[thebluewritingbench]

if you’re still taking prompts, can you do happiness #1?

Before we launch into 6b next week, here's a small fantasy of a scene that I wish the cw would give us. Happiness #1 from this prompt list again.

“I’ve loved you since the day we met.”

“Alex calls it The Honesty Policy.”

Lena takes the mug of hot chocolate Kara offers, cradling it between her hands. “The Honesty Policy?” she asks, as Kara sits down on the couch beside her.

“I imagine Kelly probably fed it to her,” Kara says. “But she was helping me try to figure out how we could get ourselves… well, back to normal, after everything, and she was really insistent that this one was worth a try.”

“What is it?”

“Exactly what it sounds like. No more secrets,” Kara says, tapping her own collarbone, then fixing her gaze pointedly on Lena. “No more lying. We tell each other things. We’re honest. We trust each other with our secrets.”

Lena nods, looking down into her mug of hot chocolate. The dim lights of Kara’s loft glow orange across her cheekbones, and in the silence, the sounds of late-night passing cars rumble up from the street below. It’s the first time they’ve really spent time truly alone together since… well everything.

There’s still a lot of awkwardness between them; turns out secrets and betrayal and double-crossing—and the fact that forgiveness was barely hatching between them when Kara was banished to the phantom zone—will do that to a friendship. There was the initial hug, of course, after Kara was rescued, when Lena wrapped her arms around Kara and buried her face in Kara’s neck and held her so tightly that Kara was certain she’d never let go, her breath coming in ragged gasps and her whole body quivering. It was somewhat surreal, the warm shock of having Lena in her arms after so many months, her hair against Kara’s cheek, the muted scent of her shampoo. They’d sank to the floor, still holding each as the ship creaked around them, and stayed there for god knows how long in each other arms.

But since then, since that initial wordless embrace that felt as much like coming home as anything, they haven’t known what to say to each other. They work together easily enough, the animosity between Supergirl and Lena finally gone, but it’s more difficult when they’re just Kara and Lena. They’ve forgiven each other, Kara thinks. Or at least agreed to forgive each other, even if there’s still work to be done. But it’s weird. It’s not like they can snap straight back into how things were before.

Hence The Honesty Policy.

“Okay,” Lena says finally. “Yes. No more secrets. A clean start.”

A clean start. It’s what they need, after an entire friendship where one or the other of them has been hiding things. For the first time, everything between them will be out in the open. Nothing left to hide.

It’s oddly freeing.

Kara takes a sip of her hot chocolate. “So, where do we start?”

“Start?”

“I think we should have just an honest conversation. I don’t want this to be awkward anymore, I want to be able to talk to you like we used to. So, in the interest of honesty, tell me something you’ve never told me before. It doesn’t have to be big—” she adds hurriedly, when Lena’s eyes widen in alarm. “Something small. Something tiny you’ve never had reason to tell me.”

Lena nods slowly, thinking. “In the interest of honesty…” she starts. “In the interest of honesty, I… I really think that those bangs were a mistake.”

Kara makes a noise of offended disbelief in the back of her throat. “I—Rude!”

“You said to be honest!” Lena says, biting her lip like she’s holding back a laugh. “They’re growing out now, anyways. It looks much better.”

Kara gives her bangs a self-conscious pat. They’re still at a slightly awkward length, but they’re long enough to blend in semi-decently with the rest of her hair now. “If we’re being honest, then,” she says. “I think that blouse is really ugly.”

Lena looks down at herself. She sounds slightly hurt when she says, “What’s wrong with it?”

“Everything! It’s—the pattern! The sleeves! The collar! It looks like it’s made of cheap polyester.”

“It’s designer!” Lena pouts.

“Who designed it?”

“Well, I thought that blazer you wore last week was kind of hideous. I didn’t say anything at the time, but in the interest of honesty…”

Kara laughs, and Lena’s irritated expression melts away at her laughter, something in her eyes softening. It’s an expression Kara’s been seeing on her more often, in moments she catches Lena watching her when she thinks Kara isn’t paying attention.

She’s always paying attention to Lena.

“Maybe we should just agree to say that we both have questionable fashion taste sometimes and call it a day,” she says, downing the rest of her hot chocolate and placing the mug on the table.

Lena takes a dainty sip of her own still mostly filled mug. “Fine.”

There’s a long pause, and Kara taps her fingers on her pant leg and tries to think of a new conversation starter. She finally settles on. “In the interest of honesty… how are you holding up?”

Lena shrugs. “I’m okay, I suppose. I’m anxious about Lex—I know it’s only a matter of time before he’s back on our heels. Mostly, I’m just glad to have you back.” She looks over her mug at Kara. “I think that’s more a question I should be asking you, though.”

The look of intense concern in Lena’s eyes makes her feel hot, and Kara squirms slightly, pulling her collar away from her neck with a finger. She wants to say I’m fine, but honesty is the whole point of this exercise. “I’m… still not great. Being back there it… brought up a lot. Brought back a lot. I’m still having a really hard time with it all. It’s—it’s hard to talk about.”

“We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

“I want to talk about with you at some point. I just… don’t want it to ruin every conversation I have, you know? I want some things to be normal, still. I want to pretend things can be normal.”

“That makes sense,” Lena nods. She looks small when she says, “In the—in the interest of honesty, are you still mad?”

“At you?” Lena nods again, and Kara sighs, looking away. “It’s complicated, I guess. A little, maybe? I meant it when I said I forgave you, but there’s still part of me that’s a little angry. You did a lot of things that were… really bad, Lena.”

“I know.”

“Are you still mad at me?” Kara asks, and Lena’s shaking her head before she even finishes the question.

“No. No, I’m done being mad at you. I get it. I get why you hid your identity, and I wish you’d told me sooner, but I’m not angry anymore. I don’t have enough energy to be angry anymore. I’m happier if I don’t hate you.”

“Well, I’m glad for that.”

“I would have done anything to get you back, you know,” Lena says in a rush, words spilling out like she can’t stop them. “You say I did bad things before, but I would have watched the world burn if it meant I could have brought you back.” She looks down at her lap. “Who knows what I would have done if Alex hadn’t been there to stop me.”

“Lena.” Kara reaches over to take her hand. “You know I can’t possibly be mad at you for that.”

“No?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay,” Lena whispers. Kara watches her swirl around the dregs of her hot chocolate and takes a deep breath.

There’s still one more secret between them. One more secret that has the potential to ruin their friendship. Kara thinks they’re both aware of it, on some level. Aware of the way the weight of it shifts their every interaction. The others are aware of it too, have maybe known longer than Kara has. Alex certainly has. It was she who looked Kara in the eye when they were discussing this whole honestly policy and said, “You have to tell her this. You know you do.”

She can’t risk another secret in their relationship.

“Um, in the interest of honesty,” she starts, and finds she can’t quite meet Lena’s eyes. “I have to tell you—in all honesty, I would probably just keep it a secret, if I could, but I don’t think we should do secrets anymore, so I just need to tell you that I, um, have feelings for you.”

Lena straightens. “Feelings?” she says, her voice cautious.

Kara closes her eyes. Takes a breath. Steadies herself. Opens them again. “I’m in love with you,” she says. “Um, nothing has to change if you don’t want it to, but I need… I need you to know.”

“Oh,” breathes Lena. She opens her mouth, and it seem to take several moments for the words to catch up with her. “Well, in—in the interest of honesty, Kara, I’ve—I’ve been in love with you for years.” She gives a wry little half smile. “If we’re being honest.”

“What? You have?”

“Darling,” says Lena. “I’ve loved you since the day we met.”

“The day we met?”

“Why do you think it hurt me so badly when I found out who you were? Why do you think I was so deep in denial about it that I never figured it out myself? Do you really think you were that good at hiding it?”

“I mean, I thought—”

“The disguise. The hair. The glasses.” She puts down her mug, then reaches over and gently tugs the glasses from Kara’s face, folding the arms in and placing them on the table. She brushes a strand of hair behind Kara’s ear. “You mentioned Supergirl far too much as Kara and Kara far too much as Supergirl and one time you told me you flew to my office on a bus.”

“That’s—yeah, that’s fair, actually.”

“You’re in love with me? Honestly?” whispers Lena.

“I am. I really, truly am. Why do you think I refused to give up on you when everyone else was ready to?”

“I thought that just how you are. You don’t give up on anyone.”

“I try not to. But you, I could never bear to, even when it seemed like the only logical option to everyone else. Why do you think I waited so long to tell you in the first place? I was so scared to ruin things between us.”

“Why do you think I bought you an entire media empire?” Lena murmurs, and she’s so close, hand fisted in the collar of Kara’s shirt.

Kara giggles. “Why do you think I flew all over Europe to get you lunch?”

Lena laughs, and it’s such a relief to hear her laughter again, to let the conversation flow between them. There’s a bud of hope for the future that’s been sitting in Kara’s chest for years now, and under Lena’s adoring gaze, it starts to open.

“In all honesty,” Kara says, “I’d really like to kiss you right now.”

Lena slips a hand into her hair, runs her thumb over Kara’s cheekbone. “In all honesty?” She leans in, pressing their foreheads together. “I’d like that.”

[shotorozu]

hello! i love ur writings <3

wanted to request a hc of todoroki, deku, and bakugou and their reactions to the tiktok trend where those two girls are laughing and ppl put their friends/family members in the camera thinking it’s their friend or something 💀 (here’s a link to one of the videos https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMe6oFVx5/ )

once again, love ur work and hopefully i did this request correctly 😩🙏🏽

s/o’s friends laugh at them

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, midoriya izuku, todoroki shouto (bnha)

legend : [Y/N = your name] they/them pronouns used, quirk’s not specific

headcanon type : crack, fluff (x reader)

note(s) : i always say that i’m going to upload more, since i haven’t in a day but i’m going to keep my promises this time. and maybe after my content dump, that’s when i’ll fix my masterlists

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

this prank was very risky just like the other pranks you’ve pulled on him but that doesn’t stop you at all

you decided to do this prank after seeing it on the fyp— and also because of the prank’s simplicity since all you needed to do was download the tiktok

you called katsuki over when he finishes working out, and it all seems innocent “katsuki! come over here.”

katsuki, irritated— as he had just finished his exercise, he marches over to where you’re seated “what now, dumbass?”

“i want you to meet my friends!” katsuki only raises a brow, because he’s PRETTY sure that he’s met all of your friends

“now??” he sighs, “i thought i met all of your stupid friends.”

“not all of them,” you grin “c’mon please, katsuki?” and it’s over when your eyes twinkle, and he can only sigh— sitting next to you

“okay, let me meet them” he asks, and you pull up with your phone (that’s now filming, and with the video playing) and show him your ‘friends’

“this is katsuki! my boyfriend,” you introduce him to your ‘friends’

and he’s SO offended when your friends burst into laughter, “WHAT THE HELL’S SO FUNNY, EXTRAS??”

man was really about to explode your phone into pieces— and i’m serious about that part 🧎‍♂️ his hands were creating mini sparks out of anger

you had to coax him that it was just a prank, and they weren’t actually your friends

katsuki’s just 😐 “what did i expect from you?”

promise him that the video won’t go viral, and it won’t be seen by thousands and thousands of people.

you were wrong, and the video AND the audio ended up going viral. and katsuki had to hear his voice on tiktok for WEEKS.

“YOU TOLD ME IT WOULDN’T GO VIRAL DUMBASS” he fumes, red irises zeroing in on you.

“WELL SORRY— I DONT CONTROL THE ALGORITHM, but at least you’re famous!”

“fuck off,” he doesn’t mean that. but he just needs to learn how to not fall for your shit again, despite being really whipped for you

midoriya izuku

you’d feel bad because izuku’s ALWAYS at the receiving end of your pranks 💀

similar to bakugou, you decided to prank him because of the simplicity of the prank— and he wouldn’t get TOO offended by the prank’s nature, right? wrong 💀

izuku swings the door open, a couple of snacks held in his arms, “hey Y/N! i brought some snacks— what did you need me for?”

“oh, i want you to meet my cousins!”

he immediately goes red, setting down the snacks he brought to your room “your c-cousins? oh no no no, Y/N why didn’t you tell me? i could’ve showered before hand— i could’ve fixed my face and wore something different—”

poor izuku. he’s gesturing to his post workout state, since he was in such a hurry to get to your room with snacks.

but you brush his concern off “don’t worry, izuku! it’s through call. they won’t be able to smell you anyway.”

he calms down, and this when you decide to start the tiktok. “i’m going to call them,” he only nods, quickly hurrying over to your side— to meet your ‘cousins’

“say hi, izuku!” he nervously smiles, showing his face to the camera and waving his hand— totally oblivious of the intentions

he’s stammering on the introduction, and that’s when the rather hysterical laughing starts

he blinks, the feeling of defeat courses through his entire body— the green haired boy immediately moves away from the view

why exactly is izuku genuinely sad from your ‘cousins’ laughing at him? well,, it was always a thing for him to try his very best to be likeable to your relatives

your parent(s)/guardian? they adore him. siblings (if there’s any) they’re also very fond of him. so while you say that they’re your cousins— it still means a lot if he made a good impression

“i,, should’ve changed!” he sulks, the fact that the laugh was quite hysterical didn’t aid the issue, “your cousins will never like me,,”

his mind is put at ease when you tell him it’s a prank— and they’re not actually your cousins. so he doesn’t need to do any redeeming, regardless of the fact that he ‘just met’ them

he sighs in relief, actually glad that it was all just another innocent tiktok prank (that did make his heart race 10x faster)

the video blows up, his distraught reaction being splayed across the fyp, it eventually getting onto twitter— his face being used as an reaction video

“you’re viral, izuku!”

he’s content, despite his distraught reaction being spread across the internet. but he just wishes that your actual cousins don’t see it 💀

todoroki shouto

is most likely aware of your tiktok pranks— but please 💀 this one looked realistic to him, so how was he supposed to tell??

anyways, you decided to do this prank because you wanted to see how he’d react to your ‘family members’ laughing at him. his reactions are golden though

it’s harmless, in a way— it’s mostly a harmless prank. shouto knows how to not take things too seriously, but you just wanted to see his reactions.

“shouto, could you please come over here?” you call for him to sit right next to you, patting his usual spot next to you.

“what is it?” he asks, getting comfortable next to you, kissing your temple— and that’s when you pull out your phone

“i want you to meet my siblings!”

shouto’s puzzled, because one— he always prefers to meet your family members in person, and two— he didn’t know you had siblings (or more siblings)

“we’re not meeting them in person?”

“oh wait! i forgot to mention that they’re working abroad. so we can’t really schedule a meeting in person.”

shouto’s skeptical, but you reassure him further “it’ll be quick!”

the dual haired boy chooses to believe you which was honestly really wrong of him, “alright, i’ll meet them.”

he moves next to you, peaking at the screen “say hi to shouto!”

he was expecting a few things but,, them breaking out into hysterical laughter was just something else

shouto’s so confused 💀✋ someone please help him, it’s like you spoke to him in simlish. that’s what his reaction would be like.

and he’s just thinking things like— why are you guys laughing? is there dirt on my face? i didn’t even say anything funny??

“why are they laughing? love, i didn’t even say anything funny??”

oblivious shouto. he’s not even aware that it’s all just a tiktok prank. but he must say— he’s a little bit disappointed that he already has a bad impression on your ‘siblings’

it’s your turn to laugh, making his thinking at a vague state— shouto’s trying to think of pieces of dialogue he might’ve missed

“it’s a prank, shouto— look,” you replay the tiktok of the girls laughing, and it comes clearly to him now

“oh.” 🧍 honestly, why is he so shocked? it wasn’t the first time you managed to prank him in such a similar nature.

he’s not mad though— rather, shouto’s impressed. “love, i adore you— but i’m not sure on why i got surprised.”

“right? i’d think that you’re used to this but i guess you’re not!” nah, he just believes you a little bit too easily.

but that doesn’t mean he WON’T be suspicious when he actually has to meet your siblings.

“these,, are actually your siblings? no pranks this time, right?” he just wants to make sure. he won’t fall for your potential pranks again!

also, the video does well, the comments being filled with “LMAO HE LOOKED GENUINELY CONFUSED” “shouto todoroki being confused for 20 seconds straight 🤠❓❓”

shouto is very confused on why the girls were just laughing, putting everything aside— he just doesn’t know the context of that tiktok 🧎‍♂️

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[otptings]

Insomnia

-Idol ~ Kun

-Genre ~ Sick Fic, Smut, Fluff

-Warnings ~ insomnia, lack of appetite & weight loss, pillow princess by force, oral (f receiving), passionate fucking, dry humping? (she's half naked but he's fully dressed), daddy kink, rough sex, choking, degradation,

-Word Count ~ 2.9k+

-Synopsis ~ Sleeping never comes easy to. You've tried everything from exercising, to warm milk. Maybe the one thing you've been missing is some late night loving?

-A/n ~ loosely inspired by sky Insomnia, the rose insomnia, and dreamcatcher sleep-walking. best to listen to any of those songs as you read it, might help set the mood even though those are all break up songs lmfao. I also have my ko-fi link in my bio help raise more money to help me buy essentials for my emotional support animal, I cannot work at the minute because of my treatment for type 1 bipolar disorder, and door dash doesn't allow me to save up abundantly enough, if you could even only share it I would greatly appreciate it. anyway hope you enjoy this and thank you for reading

Sleep and you have always had a complicated relationship. Fighting sleep as a kid, climbing out of your bed after your parents tucked you in, playing with your toys until you passed out among us. At sleepovers you were always the one who stayed up all night, too excited to actually get tired.

As a teenager spending nights before school desperately trying to finish homework, staying up until the early morning hours, quickly taking a shower before running to the bus. If you had no assignments your crush at the time would distract you, joking and blushing until it was time to leave for school, bags under your eyes prominent, but the loss of sleep was worth it.

Now the only thing you wanted was to sleep.

Insomnia took over your life. Staying up sometimes days at a time, struggling to calm your racing thoughts that were determined to keep you up at night. They won most nights. Laying in your bed, struggling to get comfortable or staring up at the ceiling, willing sleep to overtake you. Even with the medication from the doctor you struggled to get more than 3 hours a night.

You tried other remedies too. Drinking warm milk with cinnamon and vanilla, the warm concoction soothing but never tiring you out. Exercising before bed that truly made you feel amazing but never worked to tire you out, only forcing you to feel the soreness in your body as you laid in bed. No electronics before bed helped you finish multiple books series that you had wanted to start but never had time for, but didn't work.

Everything you tried was in vain. Sleep continued to evade you, and it only took a higher toll on your physical body.

Your appetite started to lessen, your weight slowly declined. The bags under your eyes only got deeper and darker. Concerns about your physical state came form your friends, their worries growing as you continued to get worst and worst. It came to a peak when you almost passed out at an outing, shaky from the constant stream of caffeine that you were consuming in order to function properly, your eyes fluttering close as you collapsed into their arms. Concern was properly covering their face, and they rushed you to the hospital, you were too weak to even try and decline them.

At the hospital they gave you strict instructions to stay home and rest, with someone watching you over to make sure that you were properly taken care of. Along with instructions you got even stronger medication, 20 mgs stronger than what you were currently taking.

Kun being the thoughtful person he is offered to watch you while you were on bedrest. He was the best candidate out of your friends, the others practically pushing you to accept him.

Kun has been the best assistant? nurse? friend that you could ask for. Constantly at your beck and call making sure that you were drinking plenty of water, cooking you fresh homemade meals, and making sure your medication was taken on time. Along with that he also did the awkward task of helping you to the bathroom, since you were still shaky and weak at times.

He did this all without complaint, catering to you everyday and making sure that you were cared for. Sometimes when he wasn't busy with his own work he would sit and watch a drama with you, or just engage in conversation telling you about his day, and the funny things he did and heard.

Having him helping you 24/7 for 2 weeks straight, had caused some unwelcome feelings. Your friends weren't surprised at that, having been part of the reason why they suggested he did it, knowing your past feelings for him. With only a week left of your bedrest you were saddened at the thought that he was leaving, going back to only talking to him once or twice a week whenever the friend group hung out.

Kun had actually been the one who surprised you. Seeing that you were still up one night, thoughts of him running through your mind when he entered your room. Upon seeing you awake he sat on your bed, holding your hand as you asked what's up. You weren't truthful. Who would be truthful in that scenario? 'Hey actually I was up thinking about my crush on you and the desire that I constantly have to kiss you."

You were positive that wouldn't have gone through well.

Kun rubbed your hand soothingly, listening patiently to you as you lied about what you were thinking about, fake worries and complaints about going back to work. Offering you advice was always Kun's strong suit so you were ready for some good advice despite your lies.

That's what got you in this peculiar position.

Lip tucked tightly between your teeth, the taste of copper on your tongue. One hand grasping at the pillow behind you squeezing it tightly between your fingers, the other intertwined with dark blue hair as you tried not to pull too hard.

Kun thought the best thing to clear your mind was sex, and who were you to deny his generous offer.

You felt your hips jerking as tongue pressed his tongue against your hole, shallowly fucking into you. His free hand rubbed up your thigh, the sensation combining with him eating you out causing your mind to start to go blurry. His hand continued to glide up, before pressing down on your hips, forcing them down on the bed.

Without the ability to move you could only lie there as he continued to tongue fuck you. The fire in your stomach increasing, and Kun seemed to know it as he kissed your clit before sucking on it aggressively, causing your first orgasm to rip through your body.

Kun continued his ministrations, licking up your cum causing the fire to come back threefold. Kun sucked on your clit, flicking his tongue over it as you wriggled from the sensitivity. He seemed to be made for this, the way his tongue knew the perfect ways to fuck you open, and he hadn't even involved his fingers or cock yet.

Pulling away from your cunt you saw your juices covering Kun's mouth leaking down his chin. His hair was sticking every which way how you were messing, and pulling on it. Kun looked like all of your wet dreams had happened to come through.

"So pretty." A laugh let his mouth, a smiling spreading over his lips.

"Wish you could see yourself," Kun slid his hand up and down your thigh, rubbing it soothingly, "You're gorgeous. I've been wanting to do this for so long."

Kun changed the positions so that you were on top, straddling his thighs. You could feel his cock straining against his jeans, rubbing over your oversensitive clit in the best way possible. A whimper left your mouth as you started to rock on him, but Kun stilled your hips. His hand slid to your chin, rubbing his thumb along the side of your jaw.

"Can I kiss you?" You didn't bother answering, meeting him halfway. His chapped lips moved against your own as if you've done it before, there was a familiarity to it that made you wrap your arms around his neck pulling him flush against your chest. Sliding his hands up and down your body, lips moving in sync against yours. You nipped at his lip, causing a loud groan to leave his mouth as he opened it for you. Sliding your tongue into his mouth you reveled in the feeling of him taking dominance. His hands gripping your ass tightly, his tongue roughly dancing with yours.

You pulled away, placing your hips on his shoulders as you continued to grind against him. Another groan leaving his mouth as he moved you against him, forcing you to press down harder and faster against him.

"God baby." He leaned back as he looked at you, admiring the way you moved against him, needy and wanting to cum again. "You're so need baby. Who's got you like this hm?" You dropped your head back, continuing to rock your hips against his. Kun felt his cock twitching in his pants at the sight, grabbing the back of your neck and pulling you close to him, placing kisses along your neck and collarbones.

"Kun I need you." You tried to sound strict but it came breathy, a moan following it as he kisses over your jugular, nipping at it before listening to your 'command'. Flipping you over he gave you a peck, before pulling away to take off his clothes. You decided to join him stripping out of your shirt and throwing it across the room.

Kun crawled back over you, but he stopped just taking the time to stare at you.

"I need to say this before. I'm not just fucking you because of your insomnia, I'm not just fucking you to fuck you." Kun intertwined your fingers, "I really like you. I don't want this to just not mean anything to you, when I really like you. Even thought we're doing this backward I hope you can at least think of going on a date with me." You felt your face heat up, and the familiar feeling of fluttering in your stomach at his confession. Placing your hand on his cheek you leaned up, placing a quick kiss on his lips.

"I like you too Kun. More than I can put words to." A big smile spread across his face as he leaned down, showering your face with kisses. "But if you don't put your dick in me right now, you might not ever get that date." A laugh left his mouth as he placed one last kiss against your check, before grabbing the base of his cock and rubbing it up and down your cunt. Collecting some of your juices over his tips he looked down as he pressed into you, muttering a fuck at the sight of you taking him in so well. You threw your head back feeling the fuzziness come back, feeling how well he slid into you.

When Kun bottomed out he placed your still intertwined hands on the pillow beside you, his other hand sliding back to your hip.

"Fuck you feel so good." He growled as he waited for you to adjust, feeling your tight walls practically sucking him in.

"Please move. Please I need you." Kun placed a gentle kiss on your pouty lips before pulling. Thrusting back into you he set a slow pace, being gentle with you not forgetting that you were still on bed rest. Your other arm wrapped around his neck, pulling you closer to him. Feeling skin against skin as he continued to slowly fuck you, enjoying the feeling of him being close to you.

It was more intimate than it should've been, being the first time that you two were having sex but with Kun it felt right. This was more love making than casual fucking and you wouldn't have it any other way. The coil in your stomach started to tighten, Kun's groans helping greatly to push you towards the edge, but the pace he had set wasn't doing it for you.

"Kun." He slowed down, hearing the desperation in your voice and not wanting to hurt you.

"Yes baby? Am I hurting you?" You could hear the slight panic in his voice and shook your head, before meeting his eyes.

"Faster please. I need you rougher." Kun pushed your hair back, before cupping your cheek.

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you, you were just hospitalized."

"Please fuck me harder. I need you to ruin me daddy." At your words Kun's eyes darkened and without warning he thrust into you hard, causing a punched out moan to leave your mouth.

The mood changed just the way you needed it to, instead of being slow love sex Kun was fucking you. Hips meeting during every perfectly timed thrust, hitting deep within you as the sound of his balls smacking against your ass filled the room. He let go of your hand, instead opting to grab your waist and pulled you to meet him halfway on every thrust.

Ceaseless moans leaving your lips at the feeling of him fucking into you so beautifully, filling every inch of you. Opening your eyes that hadn't even realized had closed you were met by the sight of Kun, sweat glistening over his abs and dripping down his face. His hair plastered to his forehead, as he bit his lip harshly trying to hold back his groans. Your neighbors should really thank him for having some self control.

Kun slowed down as he lifted your legs up, pushing them towards your chest, folding you in half as he continued his rough pace. This new position causing you to feel him in your chest, the feeling of fullness completely overtaking you as you orgasmed for the second time. He fucked you through your orgasm, the tingly feeling spreading towards your hips as overstimulation set in. Even though his cock was dragging against your walls beautifully, blunt tip pressing into your g spot it started to get painful.

The feeling of it being too much, but not enough at the same time. Tears welling up in your eyes, as Kun pressed against your legs pushing them back further and forcing his cock impossibly deeper.

"F-fuck daddy please." You didn't even know what you were begging for anyway, him effectively fucking you dumb, his hands gripping your thighs tightly to the point where you knew you'd have bruises the next day.

"So tight around me, your pussy is sucking me in even after two orgasms? What's wrong baby? Two isn't enough, you need me to milk another one out of you?" You couldn't respond to him, only listened to him as he spoke, groans leaving his mouth harmonizing with your moans almost.

"Poor baby is fucked dumb," A cruel laugh left his mouth as he stuffed two fingers into your mouth. You sucked on his fingers, twirling your tongue around them. "Can't even speak, only babble and suck on my fingers huh? Lucky you're so cute. You liked being called dumb huh? Can feel the way you're pussy clenched around me? Must be close again." You could only let out a muted moan, Kun's fingers still pressed against your tongue, gagging you effectively.

Pulling his fingers out of your mouth he slid his hand around your throat, tapping his too soaked fingers on the side of your neck.

"So close baby. So. fucking. close." Punctuating his words with an extra hard thrust in between you had lost the ability to think, his hand gently around your neck, more like an accessory but just at the thought of him choking you felt yourself drooling, his thrusts still reaching that spot inside of you that was so deep it'd never been touched before.

As if hearing your thoughts, Kun's hand tightened around your throat, pressing you against the mattress. You came at that moment, Kun's tip hitting your g spot perfectly. Your eyes rolled back as you felt like you had exploded, all of your energy draining out of you with your third orgasm of the night.

At the feeling of you clenching around him so tightly, practically holding you in place Kun pulled out and quickly jerked himself off, cumming over your lower stomach. Kun marveled at the sight of you laid out below him, lips swollen from biting them, hair frizzy from rubbing against the pillow, his white cum painting your stomach, a light red mark around your neck from his hand.

Kun let you sit for a couple minutes before carrying you to the bathroom for a well needed shower. Setting you on the toilet, he let you pee while he started the warm. When you were finished and the water was warm enough Kun helped you into the shower, letting you lean against him as he started to clean the cum from your body.

"Are you okay?" You looked up at Kun, basking in the feeling of the warm water running down your body as Kun rubbed the soapy loofa over your body.

"Never felt better." A crooked smile spread across your face, too tired to even continue the conversation. Kun kissed you on your temple , seemingly sensing it and helped you rinse out. After getting you redressed and back into your bed with clean sheets, Kun went to go to the living room until you grabbed his arm.

"Can you stay?" Even after having sex Kun was still nervous to sleep in the bed with you, but he obliged hearing your soft, sleepy voice. Climbing into bed with you he pulled you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

"Thank you." Kun hummed, the vibration spreading through his chest and making you giggle.

"For?"

"Taking care of me." Kun placed another kiss on your head.

"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to care for you. Now get some sleep." Cuddling further into Kun, the beat of his heart along with the rise and fall of his chest lulled you to sleep.

For the first time in years, you slept like a baby.

[whisperlullaby]

Don’t Over Do It

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 1766

Warnings: Violence, mentions of smut, mentions of disordered eating and over-exercising, explicit language.

Summary: Your boyfriend is an asshole. Bucky reminds you that you are perfect the way you are.

A/N: Listen apparently it’s sad girl Sunday over here. This is another story from a real life thing that happened to me with a Bucky twist! Thank you forever to @river-soul​ for looking over this story. I hope you guys enjoy and if I missed any warnings please let me know!

"Doll, you okay?" Bucky wondered. "You've been really quiet all morning."

When your eyes darted up, everyone around the table was staring at you.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You looked down at your soggy bowl of cereal. "Actually I'm gonna bring this back to my room. I'm a little tired." 

You got up and left before anyone could object. You made it to your room and almost had the door shut before a metal arm pushed through.

"You don't seem like yourself. Did something happen with Sean last night?"

At the mention of your boyfriend, you flinched. Letting out a sigh you allowed Bucky to step into your room. You placed the bowl on the kitchenette counter and turned to face Bucky.

"It's nothing. Just dumb relationship stuff really," you chuckled but it was a humorless sound. "I'll be fine tomorrow, I promise."

Bucky looked at you skeptically.

"Okay, but if you need anything you know you can come to me. I'm here for you."

Bucky placed a gentle kiss on your forehead before he left. When you heard the sound of your door click shut, you grabbed your bowl and dumped it down the sink.

///////

The next day you were sitting in the shared kitchen picking at a bowl of blueberries while scribbling notes in your journal. You heard a chair scrape next to you as Bucky plopped down and leaned onto the table.

"Whatcha writing doll?"

You felt your face flush with heat. 

"I'm just writing down what I'm eating. Making sure it's all healthy, trying to be better about what goes in my body, ya know?" 

Bucky cocked his head.

"That seems like a lot of extra work. I don't think you need to keep track of what you're eating." 

He paused, eyes roamed over your figure. 

"You look great doll." 

You snorted.

 "Yeah okay, Buck whatever you say." 

You closed your journal and stood up.

 "I'm gonna head to the gym. You can have the rest of the blueberries if you want," you offered, leaving before Bucky could say anything to you.

/////////

Three hours later Bucky slammed open the door to the gym where you were dripping sweat on the treadmill.

"Steve said you've been here for hours, doll," Bucky stated an edge of anger in his voice. "You are going to run yourself straight to the med bay if you don't pace yourself."

You turned off the treadmill in a huff and stalked over to Bucky on shaky legs.

"I know my limit, Sergeant. I'm fine. Why are you being so nosey about my life all of a sudden? Yesterday, following me to my room. Today in the kitchen. What's your problem?"

"Yesterday you never made it out of your room. Did you eat anything for the rest of the day?" Bucky’s voice seemed to drip with concern. "You didn't even finish that poor excuse for a breakfast this morning and you've been here for three hours."

Your eyes dropped to the floor. You shifted uncomfortably under Bucky's gaze before your anger spiked again.

"It's none of your fucking business, Barnes. I need to lose a few pounds and how I do that is absolutely none of your concern." 

You started to shove past Bucky but stumbled your vision blurring. 

Bucky caught you as you fell into him.

"Sweetheart let me help you to your room, please." 

You looked up at him and nodded. He helped you into your room and placed you on the couch. You watched him disappear into the kitchen and return with some water before sitting next to you and pulling you into his side.

"Doll, you need to tell me what happened. What's making you do this to yourself?" 

You took in an unsteady breath.

"Yesterday Sean and I were making out in his car. It was getting pretty, um, hot and I went to get on his lap but he pushed me away. He said I was too big to have car sex with, that if I lost a few pounds we could try but he would be uncomfortable with how I looked now. That he couldn’t even attempt to maneuver me in such a small space."

You picked at a loose thread on Bucky's shirt. You didn't realize he had stopped breathing until you looked up at him and saw how red he was.

"He told you to lose weight. Because he couldn't figure out how to fuck you in a car?" Bucky seethed.

You shot up. 

“I don't think he meant it like that. I mean I've been meaning to slim down anyway. I know I put on a bit of weight since starting fieldwork."

Bucky cupped your face in his hands. 

"You've put on muscle, doll. You need it to kick ass, lord knows you can knock me to the mat like a pro. Your body is perfect exactly how it is. You do not need to put yourself through any of that shit to slim down."

Bucky’s thumbs brushed away your tears as they fell. 

"He's not a bad guy Bucky I'm sure he didn't mean to upset me. He's coming over tonight.  I'll talk to him about it."

Bucky sighed and shook his head. 

"If you need me I'm right next door," he offered, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"Thank you. I don't know what I did to deserve having someone like you in my life." 

You looked into Bucky's eyes and saw them flash with adoration.

"Oh, doll, you don't need to do anything. You deserve everything I can give you and more." 

Bucky pulled you close and hugged you. You melted into his embrace with ease.

//////

"Hey, Sean! You're just in time. I just finished up dinner."  

"Smells great." He looked at the table full of chicken parmesan, pasta, and garlic bread. "This all for me?"

You laughed. "Well, not all of it silly. I'm going to have some too."

"Don't you think this is a bit much? I thought you were trying to lose some weight. So we could, ya know, have fun anywhere." 

When he pinched the skin of your hips you sucked in a deep breath, willing the tears that pricked your eyes not to fall. 

"I just thought maybe this would be okay? I didn't think I looked that bad."

"Not bad babe just, you can tell you've put on some weight. I'm just trying to help you, do you have a salad? Maybe that'll be better for you instead." 

Just as Sean made his way towards the fridge, your door burst open to reveal Bucky. His chest was heaving and his eyes were shooting daggers.

You looked shocked as you watched him rush over to Sean with malicious intent. "Bucky stop, what are you doing?"

Bucky paused his movements but never took his death glare from Sean.

"I was walking by and I heard what he said to you."

Before you could react Bucky had Sean dangling midair. 

"You are a pathetic excuse for a man and you're lucky I don't beat the shit out of you right here. Have you ever taken one look at Y/N? She is perfect. And you don't appreciate her, she's over here pouring herself over dinner to make you happy and all you can do is worry about her weight." 

You were stunned as you watched Sean struggling in Bucky's grasp.

"Babe, are you going to tell your guard dog to heel and let me down," Sean gasped frantically.

Bucky growled as you placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"Bucky let him go. He didn't mean anything by it.”

Bucky slowly placed him on the ground. Sean moved around Bucky to face you.

“Babe of course I didn’t mean anything by it. You look beautiful, I just thought you would want to lose some of the baby fat so we could be more adventurous.”

You heard the metal plates shift before you saw Bucky pull back to knock Sean out. You gasped as Sean collapsed on the floor unconscious.

“What has gotten into you!? You heard him, he didn’t mean it he is just trying to look out for me.” You pushed Bucky back. “Why can’t you just listen to him?! He’s right! I just need to watch what I eat. Once I lose the weight I’ll be...I’ll earn his love.”

You looked into Bucky’s eyes and saw his heartbreak in real-time. 

“Y/N. You do not need to lose a single inch on yourself. Sean is a delusional asshat who wouldn’t know a gorgeous dame if she punched him in the face. You do not need to earn a person’s love.”

You stared at Bucky for a moment before you crumbled to the floor sobbing. He rushed over and cradled you to his chest, soothing you with his hands, drawing gentle patterns along your back. Sean started to stir and Bucky gently pushed you off his lap to stand and grab Sean by the collar.

“You are gone. Don’t contact her again and if I hear you’ve been around I’ll make sure you stay out a lot longer than you were,” Bucky threatened before throwing him out of your apartment.

He returned to you and helped you up. You offered him a gentle smile.

“Why did you do that Bucky?” You held your breath while you waited for his answer.

Bucky looked softly into your eyes. 

“Because you are the most beautiful person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing inside and out. Hearing what he was doing to you, warping your perception of yourself into something dangerous, I couldn’t live with myself if I stood back and did nothing. I had to protect my best girl.”

He reached out and wiped a stray tear off your face. You smiled from ear to ear and grabbed his hand to press a soft kiss on the palm.

“Thank you,” you told him, eyeing the table of food. “Well I cooked all of this and it’s probably going to get cold if we don’t eat it soon.”

“You asking me to dinner doll?” Bucky smirked.

“Well, it’s a start to thank you for everything you have done for me over the last few days. Besides I’m starving.” You started to turn around to grab the plates off the counter when Bucky grabbed your arm spinning you into him. He kissed you breathless and you were quick to deepen the kiss. 

When Bucky pulled back he was grinning.

“Let’s eat, then maybe I can show you how real men are able to fuck in a car.”

[twiceasfrustrating]

Out in the Countryside

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: F/M

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Relationship: Lucifer/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Main Character/Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Leviathan/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Main Character/Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Asmodeus/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Beelzebub/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader, Belphegor/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Reader

Characters: Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)

Additional Tags: Poly!MC, Picnic, fluff, hand-holding, implied drinking, Beel carries you, kissing these idiots being dumb but lovable

Summary: Sometimes you just wanted to have a nice day out with all of your boyfriends. You had the brilliant idea to go out for a picnic and enjoy some time away from the usual busy life you all lived. The brothers decided to indulge your wish, so into the equivalent of the Devildom countryside you go.

There was a lot of walking involved with picnics. You had never realized before how much walking really went into getting away from civilization. Not even a city, just some form of civilization. Then again, you had never seen the countryside in the Devildom before, so it wasn't fair to expect yourself to know that information beforehand. Well, maybe you should have, considering the human realm wasn't that different.

You had been left in charge of carrying the blanket, even after insisting you could carry something else. The brothers refused to let you, sitting that the baskets (yes, multiple) were heavy because they had to bring enough for eight people (one of which was Beel and his bottomless stomach) and one was full of dishes. They were objectively stronger than you, so there was no reason to have you exercise your limited human strength. The only brother not in charge of carrying a basket was Belphegor, who they worried would fall asleep on the spot if he had to use too much energy. Even Beel was allowed a basket of food in addition to the one for dishes (granted, it was one that had specifically been made so that he could eat it while walking because you all knew that was going to happen, but still).

The choice not to burden Belphie quickly proved to be a smart one, because he was soon yawning as he walked and you worried he would start literally sleeping walking.

You held the blanket against you in much the same way he did his pillow and went up to him, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Jus' tired..." His words slurred together, showing just how true that statement was.

"Yeah, this walk is pretty exhausting." At least one person agreed with you. Everyone else seemed to be doing just fine. It almost made you angry because that meant they had been right about you carrying extra weight and how it would have been taxing on you. Stupid correct logic, "Hey? After we all eat, would you like to take a nap?"

The look he gave you told you that was a definite yes, but he clearly missed your intentions.

"I meant, would you like to take a nap with me? Maybe I can let you use my lap as a pillow?" You knew how much he enjoyed doing that, and you did too.

His eyes turned to you and a little "Mhm" left him. He could never turn down a chance to take a nap with you.

Still, he looked tired enough that you worried about him, so you reached out your hand to hold his and make sure that he wouldn't wander away if he did start sleepwalking. He gladly entwined his fingers with your own as you both walked along.

You both stayed like that until Lucifer spoke up, "This is our destination."

Your attention shifted, looking out ahead of you rather than on making sure Belphie was still awake. All you could do was stare in awe. It is so powerful that you find yourself letting go of the youngest brother's hand and stepping forward to get a better look at what lies before you.

The Devildom countryside was nothing like what you expected. You weren't sure what it was you expected, but it wasn't flowers. Actual flowers! Not that you recognized whatever type of flora they were, but here they were. The scene of the meadow against the pale red sky was hauntingly beautiful and all you could think of was enacting the scene straight out of a movie where you frolicked in the field. You looked at the brothers with wide eyes, begging to be allowed to go enact your plan.

Lucifer nodded, "They're safe for humans." He held out his hand to take the blanket from you, which you gladly let him.

With a twinkle in your eyes, you ran away from them and toward the field of flowers, immediately feeling how the petals softly brushed against your exposed legs. Upon closer inspection, something about them reminded you of multicolored spider flowers dripping with morning dew and dandelions with exaggeratedly large puffs. As you danced through the meadow, the dandelion puffs broke free from their stems and floated off into the sky. You stared in wonder as they flew in the wind and were carried off somewhere far away. It was moments like these where it was the clearest that the human realm and the Devildom had many similarities you never had time to think about.

The brothers watched you from the place you had split off from them, seeing how you enjoyed your first exposure to wild Devildom flowers. Your blue sundress fluttered in the same wind that carried away the puffs, making you stand out against the brilliant sky behind you. Each of them found it hard to look away and help set up the picnic like they had planned. The contrast in color made you look like a painting.

Satan paused from helping lay down the blanket to watch the wonder unfold on your face. He looked over to his next youngest brother, "Asmo, you helped her pick the outfit for today, didn't you?"

"Only the parts you can see." But those parts were still divine, "She insisted the rest of it be a surprise."

"You did well." He added before going back to helping spread the blanket.

Everyone else nodded in agreement. It was a simple outfit, but it gave them all terrible ideas about what to do with you. How else was a demon supposed to react to seeing such an innocent-looking human other than wanting to corrupt them?

"Can someone set out the food?" Beel wanted to do it himself, but he knew he was likely to eat it before anyone else could enjoy it.

Belphegor looked at him in sympathy, feeling how hungry his twin was in his own stomach, "We need to finish setting up first." He wanted to sleep though. The walk over had been exhausting and it was hitting him the hardest, "You should go check on her." He suggested, since keeping Beel away from the food was the smartest option.

"Huh? Why does he get to be the one to check on her?" Mammon burst into the conversation, "I mean- Ya should leave that kinda stuff to yer big brother. No reason ya gotta go out of yer way."

"Lmao. You're dating her and you still act like a tsun." The third-born couldn't help but laugh at how much of a trope his brother was.

He placed his hands on his hips, "Shad'up. No one understands that otaku talk of yers anyway."

"Then why are you so offended?" Levi mocked, not missing the fact that his brother clearly understood the jab well enough to know it was insulting.

"Enough." Lucifer ended the conversation before their bickering could draw your attention, "Unless one of you wants to play guard between Beel and the food, I think letting him go is the best option."

They looked at each other, knowing neither of them wanted that particular responsibility. Levi turned back to his job dejectedly while Mammon grumbled a "whatever" under his breath.

Belphie gave Beel a sly smile, knowing exactly what he had done. The redhead gave him a grateful nod before looking out to where you were now sitting among the flowers and walking toward you. He found you stroking the petals of the flowers, trying to understand how they felt soft to the touch even though they grew in a harsh environment. He sat beside you, drawing your attention to him instead.

"Oh, Beel." You pulled away from the petals and leaned against his towering frame, "Am I taking too long?"

"No." His gaze drifted down to you, seeing how peaceful your face was looking out across the field, "They're almost done getting everything ready."

You balk at his words, "Done? I didn't even help."

"Well, you looked like you were having fun. None of us wanted to bother you."

"But I should still help." You felt bad that you had left them to do all the work when you were the one that suggested a picnic in the first place.

"No one minds." They loved watching you enjoy yourself so freely. It had quickly become something akin to a hobby to them.

"I mind." It made you feel lazy to not help them set everything up. This was a relationship, so you should contribute to it as much as they did.

He didn't really know how to comment on that without undermining your feelings. It was clear you were upset about being allowed to walk away without contributing anything. You probably shouldn't have assumed they would wait for you to come back to set up, this was their date too, after all.

He couldn't think of anything to say to you, especially with your face as sour as it was. Instead of trying to use words, he reached out for a flower and plucked it from the ground. With a smile in his eyes, he placed it behind your ear.

"Watching you is nice." He gently stroked your cheek with the back of his fingers as he lowered his hand again, "Seeing you happy is the best part of a date."

The heat that rose in your body and up your face felt like it would cook you alive. You buried yourself into his shirt to hide the giddy, embarrassed smile that you were now wearing, "You can't just say stuff like that."

"Why not? Did I say something wrong?" The worry in his voice was saddening.

"Never." You shake your head and sit up ever so slightly so you can place a peck against his cheek, "Do you think they're done?"

His hand moved to his stomach, realizing for the first time since he joined you just how hungry he really was, "I hope so."

"Well then," you raise to standing and brush the dirt and pollen from your dress, "Shall we go back now?"

Nodding once again, he shifts in his spot so he can stand up. However, as he gets to his knees, he stops and looks up at you. His arms open wide And you know exactly what he's thinking about. With a shy smirk, you fall into his arms, sitting awkwardly on his bicep and trying to balance yourself.

Beel places his other hand against your knees to keep you steady as he stands up and lifts you straight into the sky. You giggle widely as you raise higher and higher, seeing how more of the area unfolds before you with height. Now you can see how the sea of colors you were just sitting in weaves together and how far it seems to stretch out.

Your eyes widen in awe, "It's amazing..." You can't really explain how beautiful the meadow is. It's not like the ones in the human realm that look delicate and fair. No. This one looks dangerous, those dew stricken petals reaching out to link each flower to its neighbor.

"You like it?"

"I love it." You couldn't imagine seeing this in the human realm. The flowers were just too unique.

"Whaddya think yer doing over there?"

You both turn to look toward Mammon, who is yelling at you from where the picnic has been fully set up. Clearly, he isn't a fan of being left out from a single intimate moment.

"I think that's our cue." You tell him, looking down but holding on tightly.

"Uhn." He turns on his heels, carefully keeping you perched on his arm and listening to you laugh at the unusual way to travel.

As you near everyone else, you both get a few looks of confusion, some of jealousy, and one from Belphie that lets you know that whatever just happened was all according to his plans. Of course, it was. The youngest brother couldn't go a day without planning something. At least it wasn't nefarious this time.

"I'm glad you both decided to join us." Lucifer said, glance drifting from Beel you, "Do you need help getting down?"

You debate for a moment of you can get down by yourself. You figure Beel would set you down if you asked, but that's not as fun as having to make Lucifer reach up to you for once, "Please?"

Stepping forward, the eldest brother places his hands against your waist and slowly lifts you back to the ground. As your feet touch the dirt below, he notices the flower in your hair, placing a gloved hand under your chin and lifting your head so he can get a better look at it.

"Yes?" You ask, wondering what he could be thinking about.

"Nothing." He bends down at the waist and presses his lips against yours, his tongue quickly assaulting your own and making your head swim before pulling away, "You look beautiful."

The haze is short-lived as he pulls away and you can only admonish him, "Lucifer! This is a group date. None of that." Quick kisses and pecks were one thing, but trying to rile you up was off-limits.

The grin that crosses his face is fully aware of what he did, but uncaring because he got what he wanted, "Of course." Even if you complained, the goal was that he wouldn't be outdone by his younger brother in your eyes. Of course, some of the others saw through him, but the only opinion that mattered on the issue was yours.

Asmo took the opportunity to skip up to you from behind and wrap his arm around your own, "Sit next to me, Darling~" He tugged at you gently to try and lead you to a spot on the blanket.

Of course, he was the first one to actually ask you to sit with them. He had no compunctions over trying to get you to pick him first and foremost. He would respect your boundaries, but he still wanted you as much as everyone else.

"Gladly." You let him guide you to the blanket and sat down where he indicated. That still left your other side open though. You pay the spot next to you and looked up, "Levi? Will you join me?"

His orange eyes sparkled so much that it almost looked like he was going to cry. Why would you ever choose a disgusting otaku like him? That was probably what he was thinking. That was also exactly why you had to explicitly choose him. You loved him as much as the rest of his brothers, but he didn't seem to believe you. Every now and again, he needed a reminder that you had chosen him just as much as anyone else.

He gladly sat on your other side and the rest of the brothers fell into different places around the small banquet. Beel looked uncomfortable as he was forced to only look at the food in front of him. Belphie, ever the good brother, passed him an entire basket of food and told him to start with that while everyone else took the chance to grab from the pile in the middle. That basket lasted about as long as it took everyone to make their first plate.

"We brought wine if you would like." Satan held up the deep red, unopened bottle for you to see.

You looked at him skeptically, "Didn't we learn that I can't handle that stuff already?" That was kind of how this entire mess started in the first place. Not that you regretted it in the long run, even if it was a nightmare to deal with at the time.

He shook his head, "This is from the human realm. At least, I assume you have some tolerance for it." Although, none of the brothers would mind another incident like the one from that night. In retrospect, some of them found the memory endearing and were mildly curious how much further it could go now that you weren't confused about your feelings anymore.

But... this wine wouldn't do that to you, "Please pour a glass." It really was the ideal of a picnic date. Not that anything about this date was traditional, but it was definitely your ideal. There was nothing better than just getting to spend a day with your boyfriends and enjoying each of them. They really did find ways to spoil you and make you so very happy that this was your life now.

[soulwillower]

friendly neighborhood spiderman • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested: soooo my idea was an e2l spiderman richie x reader. they hate each other at school, but one day while patrolling he sees her with her friends outside and watched her and is like ‘shit maybe she’s not so bad’. then proceeds to be mean to her at school anyways. then a few days later he sees her crying her e yea a out and talks to her as spidey, consoles her, start liking each other. and then at school he’s a jerk and she’s like I can’t take ur shit. make up. friends. lovers. photographer reader.   +    ok so I was thinking maybe her parents are divorced and it’s smth abt how both parents tell her totally different stories abt the divorce. like the mom says we never loved each other, it was arranged marriage, but he abused me and cheated on me. and the dad says she was a psycho always stealing my stuff and bitching at me. we thought shE had schizophrenia. both her parents are ok to her so she gets fed up and leaves home crying. Goes to rooftop sees Spider-Man AND BOOM LOVE. self indulgencE here

warnings: enemies to lovers (my specialty), mentions of a rough divorce, a bit of violence, spiderman!au, slight blood, unedited, she/they pronouns for reader

[losers + reader are 18.]

6.4k words

♡

you're convinced it started when you missed the subway. 

that was the butterfly flapping it's wings; then the chaos of the rest of the day just happened to fall in place because some sadistic twist of fate said it so, and now you're rolling your eyes at your friend in the hallway, backpack loose on your right shoulder with a budding black eye that was throbbing with the pain of a hundred suns. 

you'd snuck up on your classmate in the dark room (first mistake) and then tried to scare him (second), resulting in a metal water bottle to the face. "well if you just ice it, i'm sure the swelling and the pain will go away..." your friend trails off as you sigh, nodding in agreement. "i'm so embarrassed, i'm just hoping it doesn't bruise." 

"-y/n, what's up with you? wh- oh." your other friend says as they join you, eyes landing on your swollen cheek. 

it was this moment that richie tozier, certified asshole, walks near with three of his friends. richie, the bane of your existence. also, the boy whose locker is four away from yours. sensing your fatal hesitance, richie grins, "y/n's still upset because someone dropped a house on their sister." he making everyone snicker. you glare at the ground. 

you don't want him to see your face; any kind of ammo would be enough for richie to take and go miles with, and you're not in the mood for one of your typical screaming matches, as much as the others at this school love to watch. 

"woah, y/l/n, who gave you the shiner?" he asks as he twists his fingers around his locker combination. 

"why? you trying to match?" you threaten, and richie just smiles. he's laughing into his open locker as you roll your eyes, your friends peeling away eventually as you start to search through your locker. 

"so," richie starts just as you thought the silence would stay until you could flee. you groan, leaning your head on the locker as he continues, "did flash finally figure out who's been saran-wrapping his car?" 

you narrow your eyes, "how'd you know that was me?" you ask, certain that nobody had seen you besides three of your friends. it's doubtful they'd tell richie. 

his face pales slightly and a rosy blush blossoms on his high cheekbones as he shakes his head, adam's apple bobbing as he gulps. "because, e-everyone knows." he stutters out weakly. you give him a weird look, shaking your head. "bullshit." you mutter as you brush past him, slamming your locker closed. “creep.” 

- 

richie hadn't meant to stalk them. y/n y/l/n's friend group just happened to be on the route he usually patrolled after classes, so he unintentionally ended up watching them pop in and out of the drugstore.

it was nearing a golden light around the city as richie sits on the fire escape of some building across the way - y/n's distinct figure sliding out of the store, arms wrapped inconspicuously around a bag and smile bright enough that richie can barely see the shiner still catching the light on y/n's left eye. 

he briefly wonders where it's really from, and if y/n was okay. he wonders if y/n was robbed, or if he could've been there to stop it. 

it's not until the three others in y/n's gang of idiots run out of the store that it clicks in richie's head - they definitely just stole those cookies, chips, the bottles of pop, the - richie tilts his head, squinting his eyes. yes, y/n definitely stole that handle of tito's. 

then y/n’s lifting the sheet in their hands - it looks clear, and then it’s being wrapped around a car in the parking lot. he’s alarmed, for a moment - y/n wouldn’t do that to just anybody, he doesn’t think. but then he laughs into his mask when he recognizes the car: flash thompson’s. 

he’s a nightmare, and he makes richie’s life hell just as much as flash makes y/n’s life hell and the rest of richie’s friends. so he leaves her be to saran wrap the car. 

feeling relieved that when he got his powers his vision repaired itself, richie can't help but chuckle, watching y/n's hair glint in the light and the way they tilt back in laughter, the gaggle of friends traipsing away from the store and down the block. richie's lips quirk in a small grin: shit, maybe y/n's not so bad. 

- 

but despite that, richie and y/n's rivalry did nothing but steadily increase for the next week.

maybe it was because you were furious that you and your bio partner, richie's best friend stan, had gotten a b- on your lab, or maybe it was just  because richie was just feeling a bit more testy than typical. 

you're sure it's because when you go to your debate club's meeting, you find none other than richie tozier sitting across from your chair. 

"why is he here?" you ask the teacher, and he nods to richie, "i requested he attend a meeting, try it out. richie's quite talented, you know. i figured we could bring in a new challenge for you." 

“just because someone can talk a lot doesn’t mean they have anything good to say.” you snap. 

you can't even look at the cocky smirk on richie's face, his feet kicked up as he lounges at the desk. "intimidated, toots?" he asks cooly, and you roll your eyes. "never." 

and then ten minutes later, you’re doing a brainbreaking exercise where you’re split into groups of two and debating over a topic given to you. but you and richie were far more distracted by each other. 

“you know, for someone who everyone says is the best intellectual match for me, you’re a straight up douche and i can’t wait to graduate and never see you again.”

“compatible intellect, doll, not personalities. maybe if you stop acting like such an infant and stamping your feet around, we can part ways even faster.”

you glare at him. he glares back. then nothing else happens. 

the stress of the day caught up to you nearly immediately as you got home. you're holding back tears as you ignore your parents, who are screaming at each other; instead changing into sweats and a sweatshirt, brewing yourself a mug of tea, and slinking up to the roof with a blanket, prepared to mope around in the drizzle of rain. at least on the roof, nobody will see you cry. 

but the universe just can't let you have anything as of lately, because as soon as you finally settle down on the roof sitting on the blanket, and nearly letting a tear escape, a figure stands up a mere twenty feet from you, and you jump a bit. apprehensively, your eyes squint, and you're shocked to discover a spiderman suit bright in the dreary lighting of the overcast afternoon. 

the suit-clad person seems to be surprised by you as well, as you stand up, you're wary, unsure of how to act. of course you've heard of spiderman - he's all anyone can talk about lately, but you never expected to see him this close. what do you say?

"are you real?" you croak out. 

"am i- yes, what kind of question is that?"  his voice is way younger than you expected, and you're almost thrown off. he's closed the distance between you now, standing between you and the edge of the building, about four feet away. 

you narrow your eyes, immediately wanting to test him. "well, i don't know, i've seen people around jackson heights just wearing costumes like spiderman-" you argue, shrugging. 

the bickering is unexpected from a literal superhero, but it's strangely familiar to you. frowning, you walk closer to the masked figure, watching as spiderman takes steps backwards. he's at the edge of the building, and so without any thought, you place both of your palms across his sturdy chest and shove as hard as you can. "wait, wait what are you-" and spiderman's voice fades as he stumbles back, falling off the edge of the building with a yelp. 

for a moment, your breath leaves your lungs, and your hands slap your mouth. what did you just do? you can't breathe, tears clouding your vision yet again. 

but then a sticky, stringy substance slaps to the side of the building and the figure comes flying up, having catapulted himself up and back on the roof with a web. you gasp in relief, but the figure is already talking. 

"-what the fuck is your deal?" are the first words from the masked boy as he walks away from the ledge. your eyes are still wide, heart thumping fast and your tears are still there, threatening to fall. "-what if i wasn't actually spiderman, i- you could've killed an innocent person, holy sh-" 

you're tuning him out, though, the realization that you could have just killed someone finally pushing you over the edge. you crumble onto the blanket and let out a short, cut off sob. 

"woah, woah, hey..." spider-man looks hesitant, but then comes towards you where you fall to the gravel. "-hey, what's h-what are you doing, why are you crying?" he says, voice going softer. you frown, wondering why his voice seems so deep and forced. batman did that to conceal his identity, you think before letting out a sob, shaking your head. "shouldn't you be out, like, fighting crime or whatever?" 

"i'm here to make sure people are okay. you're clearly not okay." he argues, and you're too tired to try and argue with this stranger. 

"my parents are getting divorced," you sniff, eyes squeezing shut as more thick tears leak down your cheek. you know you probably look destroyed right now in front of this hero, but you don't care. after silence from him, he sits down right next to you on your blanket, backs leaning against some electrical box.

"and.. i can't tell who's lying. they told me completely different things." you cut yourself off, swallowing thickly. "my mom says it was a l-loveless marriage, that he- my dad used to... hurt her. and cheat on her-" you hiccup, wiping your eyes, makeup leaking on your hands. 

"my dad says she's psychotic. that she steals his stuff, that she always yells at him, and i can't-" you sigh, looking up at the clouds, watching a flock of birds fly away in the misting of the wet weather. "i feel like they see me as a pawn to play off each other. and at my school, i'm just the antagonist. people only like me because they like to see the fights i get into with this other kid." 

"midtown is just like that, i'm sure none of them mean anything by it-" you look at the boy, squinting as you take in the red fabric stretching over sharp cheekbones.

 "-how d'you know i go to midtown?" you sniffle. does spiderman go there, too? or teach there? how old is he, because he certainly seems too young to be a teacher?

he leans back, exhaling in an admission of guilt that flares a feeling of familiarity in you somewhere, something that's on the tip of your tongue. "lucky guess?" he states, choking it out as if he was trying to form the right words. you decide to brush it off, the feeling of being able to vent to a complete stranger suddenly making you feel better. the light mist in the air even feels good, now. 

"i can't deal with it. i just don't know. why should this have to be something they vent to me about? it hurts, i don't know what to believe and i just don't know what to do. i'm lost, i just need to have someone here for me." you hug yourself slightly, "am i selfish?" you finally ask, voicing the thought that's been nagging you for months. it's silent for a moment. a car horn sounds in the distance, a dog barks, people call to each other in the street. below you, the street is dotted with tiny moving umbrellas, concealing people underneath their net of dry safety in mere splotches of yellow, black, pink from how high up you are. 

spider man's nudging you in the ribs softly, then, calling you back to your own body. "listen. i know selfish, okay? i'm the definition of it, but, uh..." 

"y/n." you sniffle. "-y/n. trust me, you're not selfish for wanting to be loved, to be cared for...it's, um..." he scratches the back of his head, and you briefly wonder what color his hair is. what texture, length, how he styles it. 

"you deserve good things to happen, and, uh, it's not selfish for you to be overwhelmed. you're going through stuff that people our age shouldn't go through. especially not alone."

"so you are my age?" you ask, sniffling. sensing him tense next to you, you brush it off. you kind of figured as much from his...immaturity. "and you - spiderman - think you're selfish? do you know how much of a paradox that statement is?" you jest, shaking your head. 

spiderman's head tilts back, and he laughs. it seems to surprise him almost as much as it surprises you, because he shakes his head, trying to stifle it quick. "you forget," he starts, his fingers tapping at the tight fabric on his thighs. "that i also have a life. i'm not just spiderman. so... yeah, maybe spiderman's not the most selfish person ever, but... i am. the real me." 

"you have to care a lot about people to want to do what you do." you say, feeling better after talking to someone and hearing his reassurance. "you're not always spiderman, but... y'now, spiderman is always you. i'd say that makes you a good person." you say simply. you sigh, heart still hurting.  you start with a deep breath, then a quiet, "you ever feel stuck? like..."

"like you're playing two people at once?" he finishes. you swallow, feeling oddly seen by this masked stranger. "yeah, spiderman." you say dejectedly. 

-

and that was the start of an odd, unlikely friendship between you and the masked stranger. he'd stop by your building almost every other day, even if for a few minutes, always to check in on you, to ask how your day was. it made your chest fill with butterflies and the air fill with your laughter. 

despite your new friendship, things at midtown sort of took a turn for the worse. 

it was just richie, really. your black eye was gone but richie seemed to be compensating for something every time he saw you - the person who used to be a challenging enemy turned into a malicious tormentor, who would comment on every single thing you do. it was driving you mad. 

you're just lucky richie doesn't know that you do all the school's photography somehow, or at least, doesn't remember, because he's gone the days that you take photos for the decathalon, the honor society, and the band. each time you asked, someone told you some lame excuse like, 'oh, tozier's at the orthodontist.' 

richie doesn't have braces, though. 

you can’t help but wonder why richie’s never there, why he’s always sneaking off, buying new backpacks... bruises on his eyes...

the last straw is when you and stan are just trying to finish this replacement lab to get a better grade, and richie's sitting at the end of the table with bill denbrough, the two of them playing paper football and laughing loudly like they're fourth graders. 

you resist the urge to beg stan to get his moronic friends away from you, knowing that it would just insult the boy and get you nowhere. 

so, with gritted teeth and a tight grip on your pen, you work in relative silence with stan while the two imbeciles chuckle at each other at the other end of the room, disturbing the quiet peace of the library. 

"so, y/l/n, you goin' to prom?" richie asks out of the blue, feigning innocence. you grip your pen tighter, knowing it's a trap. don't bite, y/n. don't bite. don't bite, don't bite, don't bite-  "it's a little soon to be thinking about prom." you say, trying to skirt around the issue. 

"it's okay, not everyone can get a date, you can still go with friends." he says, also trying to sound nonchalant. you snort, "like you could get a date either." 

bill laughs as he pulls out some homework, having finally decided to make good use of his time. "you can go together, then." bill mutters. stan huffs a laugh at that, too. "i have plans that night." you say immediately, eyes not leaving your paper as stan smirks at you in amusement. 

"no, yeah, y/n. let's go together." richie says, "i can meet the ol' pops and get to see your mom again. that reminds me, i can’t stop by to see her, so give her a big old kiss from me tonight, will ya?"  he asks with a wink. 

"is everything a joke to you?" you ask, trying to hide your irritation by acting bored. you ignore the feelings you get from his wink. 

"only funny things, doll." richie smiles, a crooked grin that, if you didn't know his personality, would make you swoon. it's suddenly no wonder to you why the people at this school always giggle and whisper and laugh with him; he's utterly gorgeous. 

"it's not your fault your mom likes me more than your dad." he jokes, chuckling to himself. "shut up, i'm trying to do homework." bill says, then promptly kicks him under the table, which you're grateful for because the pain that flashes across your face momentarily is concealed from richie's gaze as he winces and ducks down for a second. 

that shouldn't have hurt you because he's obviously just joking with you and doesn’t know, but since the tenseness in your house recently and the ugly divorce, things have just been extremely hard. you cannot stand his audacity; richie thinks he can say whatever he want and get excused because he's too damn pretty. you clench your fists. 

"y/n, i'll give you ten dollars to slap him." stan says, barely paying attention; a pen hangs from between his lips, brows furrowed as he works on your reassignment, eyes calculating. you think, for a moment, how nice it'd be to be real friends with stan. if not for richie. 

and for some reason, in that split moment, you don't think. you're pent up, angry at the world, at your teacher, at richie, at your parents, and because you can't be friends with stan because richie gets in the way of everything - and you whirl around, catching richie by surprise as you land a slap to his face that resonates throughout the whole library. a gasp sounds from somewhere behind you as the librarian startles out of her work. 

suddenly, four pairs of eyes are staring at you. 

you blink back, face feeling as warm as richie's red cheek looks. 

the librarian didn't hesitate to send you and richie to the principal's office, resulting in a suspension for you and richie alike, the two of you not meeting eyes in the waiting room outside the administrative offices. 

the subway trip and then consequential walk home was lonely, rainy, and dismal.

- - - 

besides your parents and your immediate friends, the only other person you told about the suspension was spiderman, when he came to see you on the roof that afternoon. you told him about richie, how you'd decked him for hitting a sore subject with you. 

"you know, he seems like a dick but... i bet he means well. i'm sure he does." is all spiderman had said, acting fidgety before leaving. despite that, it had still felt good to know you could trust him. 

the next monday at school is when you see richie again, face clean and clear of any evidence of your fist. 

you were walking home from school when you passed across the football field. he was with his friends on the turf, seemingly not getting on the subway yet. they're sprawled out, all seven of them, smoking cigarettes or playing a game of travel chess, one of them reading a book. there’s an empty can of coke, one of the glass bottles, filled with gross water and cigarette butts. stan sits with richie, beverly marsh laying with her head in his lap as she smokes, sunglasses red and blocking the sun. 

before you get too close, before they can notice, you snap a photo of them. they just look timeless. 

but then, as you put away your camera, richie sees you. you get ready for a fight; but what comes is just  sheffling feet and fingers fidgeting slightly. "y/n." he starts off with as he walks up to you, all by himself. 

you watch him, your own eyes flowing with guilt. "hey, richie." you say, trying to be better about controlling your attitude. "i wanted to say i'm sorry." he says, and you widen your eyes. he what?

"i sometimes don't know how to stop running my mouth, and i went too far. i usually do. and i'm sorry, i just want to start fresh." he says honestly. you swallow - something about his words, about the way he said selfish...

you shake your head, "no, i'm sorry too. i shouldn't have hit you." richie shrugs, "i deserved it, s’okay." 

it's quiet. 

"being friends is good." you say, shrugging. "as long as i can still tell you that i think you're acting like a three year old."  "as long as i still can act like one." he counters, grinning. and then he's shaking your hand and walking away. 

you feel better the rest of the day. 

- - - 

"you know, i'm a photographer." you whisper that same night in the dark.  "you are?" the boy in the suit next to you sounds genuinely shocked. you beam, "y-yeah, i actually got a few wicked shots of you from a few weeks ago."

"are you the one that's been selling my photos to all the papers?" he asks, and you laugh, head tilting toward the sky. "no, not me." he hums, a laugh escaping that doesn't sound like his usual voice he uses around you. you've accepted that spiderman's been hiding his identity and voice from you because you may recognize him. you've also decided that he's probably from midtown - but there are over seven thousand students at midtown, so chances are still slim. 

why is it that this boy, who you don't even know the name of, has captured your attention? why do you feel like kissing him all the time? 

“oh, here’s a shot i took.” you say, pulling out the photo you’d just finished developing in the dark room today. “couple days ago. i just finished developing it.” 

you show it to him, and you can’t tell his reaction at all. “it’s not really impressive, i just - they’re just some kids in my class, but... i don’t know, there’s something about them that i just really think should be made into art.” 

he’s quiet after that, but holds on to the photo hard enough that you’re worried it may wrinkle. 

“god, y/n-” he stops himself, voice cracking and nearing the closest you’ve ever heard it to being true to him. not the weird, batman garbage. 

“this is cool. you should- you should show them, i bet they’d like it.” 

you scoff, “no, they wouldn’t.” you take the photo back, fingers tracing richie’s face, the way his lips curl around a cigarette, the way his dark hair and eyebrows and eyelashes clash with his skin and clothes. you shake your head, “this is the boy i hit. when i got suspended. i don’t think he’d like this very much. probably call me a freak.” 

you meet his eyes - or, you suppose you do - and then his hand is hovering in front of your face, debating. you don’t dare move, and then he’s combing hair behind your ear, giving you chills that run down your spine.

you clear your throat, smiling softly as he moves his hand away.

spiderman doesn’t say much after that. 

it’s minutes until he speaks again. "shouldn't you be getting ready to leave?" he suddenly asks, and you sigh, beginning to pack up your things and gather your backpack. he follows you to the edge of the building and as you climb down the ladder to the fire escape, he webs himself and falls back, landing above you against the bricks when you stand up. 

you're nearly eye level now as he hangs upside down, listening to you rant. "-maybe i'll just walk to mary's place. it's not that far-" you cut yourself off as you're opening your window, eyes landing on the figure in your room, who looks just as confused as you. 

your eyes widen, "m-mom!" you say, alarmed as spiderman hangs next to you, just barely sealed from your mother's sight by the brick wall.

"is someone there with you, y/n?" she asks, tilting her head to get a look. you shake your head quickly, thankful that it's dark out and she can probably only see you, backlit by the lights from the alley below. she explains something about being unable to take you to your friend's house - and you nod along, willing for her to just leave. "that's okay, mom. i can take the subway." you say honestly. it's harder to drive around here, anyways. 

she finally leaves, and you let out a breath, unsure as to how she'd react to know you were with spiderman on the roof. you let out a small laugh, and so does he. 

"well, walking will be fine. she's just paranoid, and plus - i have you." you say, joking as you nudge his shoulder. but instead of laughing or going off the joke as he usually would, spiderman hums in agreement. 

"no matter what, you'll be safe. i promise." spiderman says from where he hangs upside down from the top edge of your fire escape, face almost level with yours. that makes your heart skip a beat, his words swirling around your stomach in a warm pool of comfort. 

you smile, "okay." you whisper. you believe it. 

then, before you slip into your window and he slips out into the night, you turn to him. you can only hope he's looking at you, the mask always leaving it to speculation.

 "can i try something? just once?" you ask, heart hammering in your chest as you step closer to him. he hesitates, and you wonder if he's biting his lips, or his cheek; if his eyes are wide or narrowed in thought. you wonder, for the thousandth time, what he looks like.

but eventually, it comes. "yes," he whispers.

gently, your fingertips find the edge of his mask down near his neck, and in the barely lit up corner of your fire escape you start to peel away his mask, revealing just his jaw, chin, and lips. goosebumps appear on his soft skin in the wake of your touch. 

you feel butterflies. 

his pale white skin reflects off the moonlight slightly, his jawline sharp as your fingers find their way across his skin, his mouth parting to take in a breath, lips full and red in the darkness. you wish you recognized these lips. 

in fact, a voice somewhere in you screams that you wish it was richie's lips. you abolish that thought before you have time to think about it.

you can tell he's nervous, but you don't know if it's because he doesn't trust you and thinks you're going to whip off his mask, or because he knows what you're about to do. you're pulled toward him by an invisible force, the kind that wishes and hopes and needs you to be closer to him, whoever he is. 

his jaw is structured and you feel it clench slightly under your hand as you cup his cheeks, barely raising on your tip toes as you near his upside-down face. you're not sure if he's breathing but, honestly, you know you aren't either. you just have to do this. so you close the gap. 

his lips are plush and less chapped than you'd expected, his presence warm and protecting and exuding bashfulness yet somehow also emanating confidence. he rises almost as the tide does at your grandma's old house in the east, tilting his head as your nose brushes against the skin on the side of his jaw. 

richie’s face flashes behind your closed eyes, and it makes you take in a sharp breath, realizing that yes, okay, maybe you do want to kiss richie. but you're not - you're kissing spiderman. you feel light, butterflies thrashing around. 

his hand, covered by his mesh suit's fabric, falls to the nape of your neck, upside down so his thumb rests right on the soft of your throat, where your heart thumps hard and quick against him. 

you swear you've never felt more like you're flying. you pull away after a few moments, your face burning even with the slight breeze. his hand stays on your neck for a split moment and then he lets it drop, returning to hold his web that keeps him suspended.

you watch with a small, shy smile as he bites his lip, containing what could only be the most beautiful smile you would ever see. you frown for a moment as you get that inkling again that you should know him. 

"please, what's your name?" you finally ask again. he had to trust you, right? you've had countless opportunities to pry, to rip his mask off, to find out yourself. but you want him to trust you with it, to want to tell you. 

his smile slowly fades, and yours does too. "can't you just tell me your name?" you whisper in desperate frustration. 

his mouth opens, then closes as if he decided against it. carefully, one hand pulls his mask back over his lips, concealing him once again as spiderman. the boy you finally knew for a mere minute is gone, probably forever. "i can't. i wish i could." 

"well, okay." you say, feeling heartbroken and frustrated. angry.  

"okay." it almost gets swallowed up by the breeze as you shut your window behind you. he's gone, swinging across streets and over buildings in the distance by the time you wipe your eyes of the tears. 

- - - -

you don't see spiderman the next week. 

it seems as though only knowing spiderman for a little longer than a month and suddenly not seeing him took more of a toll on you than you'd expected; you watch yourself go through the motions of each day with no complaint, barely any words, the world around you boring.

wake up, get ready, drink a breakfast shake, late for class, leave school, homework, wait on the rooftop for your friend who you know will never show. dinner. back on the rooftop. go to bed. 

you're about to leave school on friday when it hits you, the thing that has been missing from your regular school routine. and for some reason, not having been able to see him is just as painful as not seeing spiderman. 

richie. 

you don't know why you're feeling so emotional - or maybe it's just because as much as you hate each other, the fun rivalry you keep alive with him is what gets you through life at midtown. he keeps you on your toes. 

so you seek him out for what may be the first time in your life, just to find him out back on the turf in his usual spot with all his friends. 

"tozier." you call, halting all conversation with his group of losers as they cease their talking, staring up at you with seven pairs of owl eyes. you have no clue why you're nearly in tears. maybe, in an odd way, he's a replacement, a surrogate. for a friend that you'll never see again. and you're furious at both of them.

"where the fuck have you been?" you ask. 

you watch in slight surprise as the color drains from his face, eyes widening in shock. you didn't expect him to have this reaction, in fact - you came here to pick a fight, to get the opposite of... this. richie looks as if he's been caught in the biggest lie of his life, and it's unsettling. 

he seems to shake off whatever the fuck that emotion was he just had as he stutters, "what-what do you mean?" 

you scowl at him, " did you just give up? that easy, huh? i thought you were better than that." 

richie, for a split second, looks like he might get sick, or cry. it just makes you more confused and, for some reason, more angry. for no reason. "y/n, how did you find-" 

"it's been silent in the halls, tozier. i don't know if i should be thankful or weirded out that you decided to mature overnight. you being nice to me, not being a freak... it's weird, but it's... when i said i was done with your shit and you asked to be friends, i didn't mean that i wanted you to ignore me." 

he blinks his owlish eyes at you, "OH." he states loudly, pressing his fingers to his temples as he shakes his head, "christ, i thought- nevermind. you missed me that much, doll?" he tries to ease back into his teasing attitude but you can tell it's forced. and you don't know why. his friends suddenly all look relieved too, as if they know something big that you don't. 

"forget it. this was so stupid." you mutter, walking past them briskly, barely even catching stan's eye. you don't cry until you get on the subway. 

that night, you almost didn't go up onto the roof. 

why should you? spiderman wasn't your friend anymore, he clearly got scared away when you kissed, or when you asked him who he was. it hurts, you think as you look at the dark skyline of queens, it hurts that he won't trust you with something as simple as a name. 

but you're still up there, staring at the cloudless sky and thinking of the taste of those lips as a whoosh, thud and a groan jolt you from your tranquil misery. 

you don't believe your eyes at first, but when the figure stumbles toward you, arm reaching to its neck, you definitely recognize him. "h-hey?" you say nervously, squinting against the dying light to try and see why spiderman's bent like that, stumbling to you, until he falls nearly at your feet. 

you gasp as you get a closer look; it's hard to see with the red of his suit, but he's got a fair blood stain coming out of his neck area, a slash through the neck that leads towards the collarbone. it's not fatal, and probably won't need stitches, but it sure looks like he's in a lot of pain. 

"y-your neck is bleeding." you say, eyes wide in a panic, "are-are you, do i need to get you to a hospital?" you rush, heart thumping. the boy shakes his head, though that clearly causes him pain. "my wounds- they'll regenerate quick enough. do you-do you have bandages?" he asks, and you nod aggressively, running a hand through your hair. "yes, let's go to my room." you say, trying to stay as calm as he is. with a lot of effort and sharp cries of pain, you finally make it into your room through the window on the fire escape, gently helping spiderman to your bed. 

you allow yourself ten seconds in your bathroom to gather your breaths and thoughts before taking the first aid kit and rushing back to the bleeding boy, whose name is still a mystery. 

your hands are shaking as you undo the box, and his hands suddenly fall against yours and squeeze. you look to him then, willing for the tears of fear to dry up and go away. "it's okay." he says, and then you feel even more rotten because spiderman is hurt in your bed and you're still making him comfort you. 

"no-i know. you just surprised me, is all." you trail off, pulling your hands from his to pull out antiseptic ointment, cleaning wipes and swabs. "what- um, what happened?" 

"mugging, guy had a knife. i was trying to get the purse from his hands and he slashed me. it's really not-" he coughs a bit, a fresh squeeze of blood seeping into the fabric. "-not bad. honest." 

you shake your head, looking at him. "i have to take off your mask." you say solemnly. "or else it'll get bad. infected, or- heal into the mask." 

he nods lightly, "i know." is all he says. his voices is laced with nerves. 

your hands are still shaky when you reach to pull up the mask. he makes no attempt to move except to shift himself on your bedspread. you slowly peel the mask, eyes focused on the wound and not on the boy's face. but then, you can't help it. when the mask slips off, the boy's eyes are screwed tight. 

but your breath catches in your throat when you take in his face. 

it's richie. 

of course it is. you press your lips together, forcing yourself to focus on his wound and not all the thoughts swirling in your mind. you don’t talk to each other, one out of anger and one out of pain, and he grips your arm, hand warm on your skin.

you can barely focus as you go to work on his wound, but you’re glad that by the time you’re almost finished, your anger has ebbed away and you’re strangely calm. 

you don't meet eyes until you've got his cut cleaned out and you're satisfied it won't get infected. his eyes are nervous, anxious, scared. yours are surprisingly calm, and almost emotionless. 

"hi, doll." he says, eyes no longer screwed shut, neither out of pain nor anxiety over revealing his identity. 

"do your friends know?" is all you ask. he gives you a curt not as you shakily wrap the gauze around the nape of his neck, figuring a bandaid would come right off. his hand falls from your arm as you move it around his head. 

"i had all them, but i wanted to see you." 

his words send warm waves through your body and you bite your lip.

"why didn't you tell me? the other night?" you ask shortly, knowing that fighting won't get you anywhere. 

“look, i’m sorry that i didn’t tell you, i really am. but slipping the fact that i developed spider-like superhuman abilities into an ‘are we friends or do we hate each other’ conversation is pretty fuckin' difficult.” he defends. 

you nod, because, after consideration, you think you would have probably done the same. "okay. if your friends know, why didn't you..."  you don't know how to phrase it. 

"why didn't i go to one of them?" he sighs, sitting up as you finish clasping the gauze. he rubs his eyes and you realize you're not used to him without glasses - does he even need those anymore? his eyes are so blue, so warm. his eyelashes are long. 

"i missed you. or, i - i don't know, i just... i needed to show you. to tell you. i was afraid to put you in danger but you deserve to know.” he says, honestly.  

you hum, flicking a piece of rubble from his shoulder and then using that as an excuse to run your hands over the material there, feeling his muscles under your touch. "and you had to get stabbed to work up the courage?" you tease. 

he beams, despite himself. and it's beautiful. 

"how else could i get your attention, doll? i tried everything else." 

you shake your head, huffing a bit. "can't believe you let me kiss you." you bury your face in your hands, feeling hot and embarrassed. "i'm sorry you had to do that." you squeak out, mortified. 

it's quiet, and then, "i would do it again." 

you look at him, from where you sit - both so close, almost touching... his breath almost hits your face. "really?" he looks at you like you've grown three heads. "yes." he deadpans, "obviously. why else could i have been spending so much time with you?" 

you laugh, tilting your head back. "so you only want me for my lips?" you joke even though you're nervous. richie groans, hands tangling in his nest of windswept curls. it's charming and it makes your stomach flutter. 

"y/n, don't make this so hard." he begs. unable to help yourself, you perk up, "that's what she said-" you start, but then richie kisses you for the second time. 

he's nearly crashing into you, lips finding yours desperately through his own smile of disbelief - that you'd said that, or that he's kissing you? you don't care as you kiss back, hands finding purchase on his chest or in his hair. 

then he's regaining his strength as your tongue finds his and he nudges you over, rolling so he lays above you. you pull him between your hips as he bites your lip gently and then moves on to kiss your neck, filling you with heat and butterflies. 

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner." he whispers into the shell of your ear as he bites a soft mark on your upper throat, and you sigh. "god, it-it's fine-" 

but then it's too late, because your bedroom door flies open.

startled,  you and richie break apart, eyes wide and lips bruised; blood staining his spiderman suit as he lays on top of you, your legs fastened around his hips and your hands tinged with his blood and sweat, both of you breathing wildly. 

your mom stands in front of you, eyes wide and mouth agape in near horror - spiderman in bed with you. "hello, ma'am." richie breathes out and you resist the urge to smother yourself with a pillow. 

"just... keeping your daughter safe, y'know, friendly neighborhood spiderman."

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