#anyways thank you for letting me ramble on this hellsite
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getting a little personal for a sec
(I know I have mentioned this before…) 2022 really took a toll on my mental & physical health - dealing with depression is a bit weird, and I formed a lot of unhealthy habits in that time period specifically. I’m so glad I invested in getting therapy (hopefully I can afford it again in the future) but it’s been a work in progress!
I had set goals for myself this year but the journey getting to the results has been up and down (unlearning these habits is tough! lol).
One of my goals was to lose some of the weight that I had put as a result of being depressed. I really neglected my health (like not sleeping, not moving my body, not eating well etc.) & I’ve been pretty self conscious about it, especially since most of my clothes don’t really fit me anymore 🥹 I’ve always been fairly petite, and it’s been a journey loving this version of myself.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m a firm believer that all bodies are beautiful, and I know that gaining weight isn’t anything to feel bad about or ashamed of, but sometimes my nasty, ugly thoughts try to tell me otherwise
I have an overachieving / perfectionist mindset with stuff like this, and usually when I don’t hit goals it really brings me down. But I’m letting go of the reigns and allowing myself to take it day by day. I’m just proud that I’m trying, and pushing forward! I’m working towards getting to where I would like to be mentally, emotionally and physically but I’m taking the slow journey there. Just as long as I know that I am feeling good, I know it’s a win for me!
These are the things that I am celebrating from the year so far: being more conscious about eating proper meals, getting better sleep, working through my triggers so I don’t spiral, setting boundaries (this was a big one!), laughing way more, and the wonderful people who make it all better 🥹🧡
ps: regarding weight loss - I’m not talking about losing weight to “get skinny” or for any aesthetic purposes. I’m really sensitive to this topic so please don’t make harsh comments regarding that! I would just like to get back to my average weight 💕
#cw weight loss#cw depression#cw body image#anyways thank you for letting me ramble on this hellsite#I’m just reflecting but feeling really happy about where I am#peach: diaries 🌷#< you can block this tag for personal posts
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I recommend bringing popcorn while binging this absolutely stunning firstfic(?!)
first off I am deeply pleased to be rambling once again over one of my earliest and beloved moots' fics
I have been biding my time to savor reading branchy’s very first (?!) fanfic works below and the best way to describe what it feels like to read KM is like watching an action movie but in writing - also once again fucking stunned by the fact this was her first fic; absolutely blown away by how many incredible firstfics i have read that rival published fic out there imho
reading: The Killing Moon by @deadbranch
I listened to the song ‘Killing Moon’ by Echo & The Bunnymen while reading this and it took me straight back to the 90s and thought of the hours of Charmed I watch for some reason...btw if a fic you read mentions certain songs playing in the storyline, highly recommend listening while reading for a full cinematic experience ✨
“Oh my…I knew you were from the States but uh…that’s…an accent ya got there.” “Likewise, sir.”
*gigglin uncontrollably* also shoutout&thank you @/jasonsmirrorball whose commentary on another fic used the indents when quoting from the story which was a fantastic idea!
You notice the subtle change when he bites the inside of his lower lip as his gaze briefly drifts to your lips and back to your eyes.
mmm the triangle eyes, might as well have a neon sign over your head blaring AM EYEFUCKIN YOU RN
(what are triangle eyes? see gif reference below)
You fight the urge to roll your eyes but instead maintain a locked a gaze with Price, “It was something to do. My career was headed for a desk and I’m not done yet. I’ve got more in me, I can do more. I want more.” “Fuck. Finally, a real answer. And no ‘sir.’ Feels good, doesn’t it?”
fucking love branchy’s OCs/protaggos; slay, my alpha queens, slay (also pls step on me)
Don’t need to be caught gazing at chain of command’s ass. Eyes forward, always forward. Eyes fo…
a simple win-win solution my queen: don’t get caught😂
ehhehehe wedding tackle indeed i’ll wed soap’s tackle anyday hehehehe cough moving on
also i am fuckin half in love with OC and her nicknames…typhoid mary, saint of killers (PREACHER REFERENCE!!), iron maiden, sorceress..there’s something special & intimate when you’re christened with a new name by friends/a group of people some odd ones I've had in the past are: bloody mary, albondiga, bringer of tears (thankfully not because of killcounts like dallas here) 😅🤭
“Do they all have different names for you?” He smiles again, his eyes matching the mirth his mouth betrays. You try not to smile in response. The last thing you need is to be thought weak, or stupid. Or like you’re flirting with a superior. None of those are a good look. “They do. Did. I’ve known a lot of people who didn’t want to say my name.”
branchy has a uncommonly talented trait of fleshing out so much history and worldbuilding through straight-up pure/raw dialogue where i can see hear & smell & sense the physical surroundings, the way the characters are holding their bodies, the tensions, emotions - all between several quotemarks! one of the reasons branchy is one of my favorite writers on this hellsite (affectionate)
our mouth hardened into a thin line as you nodded. “No worries, Johnny. I survived his death. I can survive his unexpected resurrection.”
i happen to be reading hunger games rn and dallas reminds me a bit of katniss - (they are direct, bold, present a flinty face to the world due to the harsh settings they’ve survived - yet despite all that, it hasn’t buried their humanity or hardened their heart that deeply just yet, and it breaks through not too far from the surface here and there)
anyway soft soap supremacy and back to thirsting, what was i saying…
..JUST KIDDING LET ME DO AN EXCRUCIATINGLY DETAILED BREAKDOWN of how much i love this scene of ghost seeing dallas again finally
literally just a few back-and-forth sentences’ worth of lore from the previous chapter and already fiending for the tension and drama of their backstory!!! the little things like dallas being able to pick up the difference in his voice, the mention of them entrusting their real names to each other, noting he touched up his eyepaint, the mention of LIMINAL SPACE!!!! (as an anthro grad I was and still am fucking obsessed with victor turner’s liminality and communitas and anyway am always soooo chuffed to see the phrase out in the wild) and anyway not really sure who to be more jealous of here, that dallas got to fuck ghost or ghost got to fuck dallas (yes yes why not both)
“I’m…sorry. I’m so sorry.” He says the words plainly, less gravel than usual, but with a pain you don’t recognize. “I’m so fucking sorry, love.” The last syllable breaks in the back of his throat.
fucking shredding my pillows in how delicious the angst is
My name. My name was in his mouth when he died.
None of them knew Simon would whisper your name in the darkness, your name a prayer on his lips. As though saying it would conjure the most vulnerable and savage parts of your soul so he could enjoy you more fully, so he could offer his own vulnerability and savagery in return. To be consumed in the same fire.
🥺🥺🥺this is such fucking shakespearean levels of trauma and poetry, i doff my cap to thee branchy my literary queen
i am fucking bouncing off the walls here with the..foreshadowing? the layers of meaning baked into such small almost throwaway lines and gestures - does price even know what he’s offering (and taking) from dallas by letting her know she can call him john after hours/OUT OF UNIFORM? i know this is endgame price x dallas but i find all this past romance angst fucking DELICIIOOUUSSS
Soap backs up another step as he works his way around the rec room, his mouth open, head tilted back. You smile as only he can make you smile.
“Your hugs fix a lot of things.” You smile as your eyes meet his.
The timbre of his laugh is a delight, a warrior’s voice tinted with naivete and levity. But he was always easy to cheer up.
honestly when im not simping for soap i think he’d make such a great and easygoing friend, god i love the way cod writers have headcanoned him as such for the most part
Your face is unreadable as you let the smoke escape into the space above you. The gilded ceiling leering at you through the haze. Your dress uniform feeling stiffer and more unnatural by the moment. A shroud more than armor.
i have definitely felt the itchiness of having to wear a fit, or a face (as have we all at some point) that didn’t quite sit right - but i am mostly glad for the experience of learning to see them as tools and costumes versus prisons and limitations. anyway im blabberin at like 243am which is why im getting vaguely metaphorical and philosophical lol
In the three months since your transfer you’ve gotten to know Price’s moods, what annoys him, what makes him smile. You can appreciate that he says more with his silence than most people can say with words. You justify your attention to detail by telling yourself you notice little things in everyone around you, not just John. The old hypervigilance. Or your excuse.
i love seeing price through the (heart)eyes of dallas 😍 a secret pleasure of mine is discussing what crushes feel like for myself and others and comparing and listening to all the different ways and reasons people fall in love - and also love the ways prices navigates his own bids for attention from dallas behind the veneer of professionalism
The years haven’t erased the memory of his footfalls, his measured gait.
oooh i was just discussing this with friends, how when you’ve known someone for so long you can tell who they are by a specific jangling sound of keys in a lock turning or just the gait of their footsteps from afar
also this wasn’t in the story, just the A/N but “ghost’s abbattoir of a psyche” is a fucking AWARDWINNING turn of phrase branchy 👏👏👏i fucking slow clapped irl like a dumbass when i read it thats how much i liked it lmao
Damn he sounds sexy through the comm. Don’t know what it is about the comm…
brutal honesty here but i could probably come just from any of the COD men speaking to me over comms, im just stating the facts
“I’ll make it up to you. When we return, we can do two lessons back-to-back, or we can do an extra-long lesson. Your choice. Over.” The line crackles.
“What about every night? I’ve got catching up to do, love. I’m not getting any younger.”
HOLY FUCKING SHIT IF PRICE SAID THIS TO ME AFTER BREAKING PROTOCOL I WOULD PROBABLY COME IMMEDIATELY
i am fucking mooning over young ghost thirsting for dallas immediately “She looks strong, but in the way that he wants in an argument, or in bed. Or against the wall.” yes yes ghostie this is my bread butter and jam and also to use the a/b/o lingo alpha men who want alpha women are just 😘👌🫶
At the time, Ghost was in love. She had no idea. He had wanted her to make the first move, the way she had approached him when he first arrived at the mess tent in the desert, unafraid. He had wanted her to want him. For Sorceress to claim him for herself.
🥹🥹🥹 not me crying a little and dying inside reading this and seeing ex-archangel dallas through his eyes
literally yelled out FUCK at the top of my lungs when the team cockblocked price and dallas at the bar fucking GO AWAY AND LET EM FUCK GAWD
also fucking love when writers mention music in their fics, i listened to every song mentioned here when they came up…also branchy ur texan is showing with how many country songs are mentioned in your writings LMAO
and FUCK I SIMULTANEOUSLY LOVE AND HATE YOU BRANCHY FOR ALL THE HEARTBREAK AND ANGST IN THIS FIC FROM DALLAS, FIRST WITH GHOST AND NOW SOAP? I FUCKIN KNEW HE WAS CARRYING A TORCH FROM HER FROM ALL HIS LITTLE COMMENTS AND GESTURES BUT MY GOD WHEN HE SAYS HE HAD TO BE SURE AND THEN SENDS HER OFF AFTER PRICE 😭😭😭😭
“Shh… shh… listen to my voice, love. I’m here. Nothing’s wrong. We’re in the hotel. You’re safe, I’m safe. The team is safe. You’re not in that place again. Those places are gone. You’re here. With me. And you’re my darling, love. You are mine. Shh… Come back to me. Come back to me, my darling…”
the disassociating panic/anxiety attack scene was…wow. as someone who's experienced them myself i found it viscerally a little too realistic (once again hats off to you branchy, incredible writing) but i appreciate how raw and real it is portrayed here…and ofc price’s little comfortspeech would probably cure all heartbreak if it was real
His wristwatch digs into the side of your right leg. You secretly hope he leaves the watch on as he fucks you tonight. And his dog tags. You want to take them in your teeth as you ride him later.
*me, furiously taking notes for bedtime imaginary/IRL scenarios before realizing i would probably spit them out of my mouth immediately at the metallic taste in a very unsexy way right into wearer’s eyes most likely*
“Well, I don’t wear underwear…I bet the team gets the wrong idea about me all the time.”
😂😂😂
also my heart stopped at dallas finding the ring in the jacket pocket? im unsure of the sense of time in this fic but the ‘i love you’s made their appearances in the 1st inning here!!!
i also love vargas nickname of mija 🥹he would be the best dad (sir i can help you with that cough)
You snap out of your daze and refocus your eyes on Price. His eyes are the bluest you’ve ever seen them. You swear they were a slate gray when you first met. Cold and distant, from a long winter. Your heart tells you it’s spring.
i fucking love this line, so beautiful and tender mwah mwah chef’s kisses galore for this branchy
“This path, all of this, would be my tomb. I need life, not death,” you finish, not sure what else can be said.
🫶
You were too much alike.
this!!!! i clocked this back when soap said the “neither of you smile, you both can have unsmiley babies” - be wary of dating/getting romantically entangled with someone who is a mirror, speaking from personal experience…just because you can reflect and find familiarity in each other doesn’t mean you won’t get burned
anyway i am busy crying at the anguish of soap and dallas’ last convo and the “i shouldn’t have turned you away, i was mistaken” and the “no, you did the right thing” correction
Only John would be willing to challenge Death to a chess match just to buy time. You give up.
unf!!! fucking love this and the parallel set up with the seventh seal movie reference and the proposal!!! THE FUCKING PROPOSAL and then everyone pitching in to figure out how to make this work for dallas is just 😘👌👌👌
your spare time the both of you had figured out that your height disparity, though not extreme, was enough to cause some mechanical challenges.
this is the only math i will enjoy working out, that and math rocks (dnd joke)
You don’t look up, but you can imagine he’s smiling. That little smile John saves for you, the one the rest of the world will never know.
🥰🥰🥰
“No. Not into the rank thing, love. Honestly, I’ve never found it a turn-on…the power difference…” “I’ve found my equal. My match in all things,” the corners of his mouth turn up a little at the admission, his voice quieting, “And I can’t fucking imagine a life without you.”
🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
so i usually like to liveblog my notes as i read through but my FUUUUUCK THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS WAS LIKE THE LAST ARC OF AN ACTION MOVIE THE PACE WAS ABSOLUTELY DIZZYING IN THE BEST WAY AND I TORE THRU EM LIKE A BAT OUTTA HELL
fucking obsessed with the archangel program lore (also slightly sobering as it reminds me of black widow + red room and bucky barnes + winter soldier + IRL MK Ultra + CIA vibes) - I know there are several other series here so emotionally preparing myself to read some of them after this
You don’t know what someone’s made of until you really fight.
this is an IRL adage i live by and yes I do think a sense of character is truly revealed in conflict that can’t really be seen in other circumstances
also the SELF CONTROL of these two to put a pin on makeup fucking to hash out their woes
You approach Price, your arms held out. He allows you to pull him into the warmth of your arms, but not before he kisses you.
this small line about dallas with her arms out gave me goosebumps knowing the journey she has taken re: vulnerability throughout this fic 🥹🥹
I know I should be, but if Soap and Ghost can survive you, then I think I’ve got a pretty fair chance.
but did they rly tho lol I feel dallas will always be the one that got away for 'em
In truth, you’ve felt like you belonged to one another long before today…. In the dark you practice saying your new names and quizzing each other on little details, like the actual date on your marriage certificate.
🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 i love this sm
i listened to all the song refs as they came up in real time and listening to fade into you by mazzy star made me feel like IDK how I felt after finishing die hard or mad max fury road like I went on a fucking JOURNEY...a SAGA...an EPIC....and I need a drink or some taco or bbq, or preferably all of them lol
BRANCHY CAN I POSSIBLY INTEREST YOU IN A SIDE CAREER/HOBBY OF SCREENWRITING COS GODDAMN WOULD I WATCH AN IRL MOVIE TRILOGY OF THIS
#madstrothought#FaFiCoWriMo#fanfiction#call of duty#captain john price#The Killing Moon#deadbranch#john price x fem!OC
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. HELLO HEA SORRY FOR BARGING IN i just came to greet you properly + let u know that i read your ex!sugu drabble (and cried) (it’s resting peacefully in my queue right now) ……….
BUT . THEN I SAW. THAT YOU’RE NORWEGIAN??????????????? HELLO???? FELLOW SCANDINAVIAN SPOTTED?????????? 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 PHDJDHDJJD I’M SORRYYYYY I JUST GOT SO EXCITED……… you’re the first one i’ve met on tumblr………… i am waving at you from across the border 🙂↕️🙂↕️ !!!
anyway … coughs …. it’s very nice to moot you <3 i’m so excited to talk to you more in the future!!! and read more of your mlist!!!!! :3 wishing you a good night’s sleep (or a cozy morning if you see this tmrw) !!
omg hiiiii how sweet you are 🩷🩷🩷 seeing you drop by my inbox made me smile 🥰
thank you so much — always in my angst era fr 🫣 forever my true love sadly. and with the norwegian winter around the corner we can only expect more
HONESTLY, encountering scandinavians on this hellsite is such a rare occurrence. was forever the only one in my year who was on tumblr all through my life, so very enthusiastically waving back at you and blowing kisses 🫶🏻
really looking forward to interacting with you more, i loooove your rambling!! i love to talk myself, and it’s really only my anxiety able to shut me up lol
good evening to you too darling, and good night if you’re turning in for the night 🩷🩷
#— ಇ wanna kiss?#— my darling ꒰ari꒱#fr I’ve loved seeing you on my dash#like you have an energy i vibe with heavily MWAH
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i used to be in the loa community and it was miserable lol. i'd have phases of being so inspired and really feeling like things were going to change for the better, only for it to not happen. for a long time i held out, and any 'failures' i had i took it as an opportunity to improve and carry on. but then at some point i just began to spiral--it came out of nowhere--and i felt so, so hopeless. i think with every 'mistake' and failure i had, it built up without me fully realising it. i never told anyone, not online and of course not in real life, because acknowledging it would've been the final nail in the coffin for my 'journey' or whatever.
anyone who voiced their upset about not getting the results they wanted, they'd be told by some blogs that it was because they "weren't persisting enough", and that all they needed to do was continue. any mention of doubt or feeling bad was frowned upon. it sucked. because i sure as hell knew that i was putting my heart and soul into it. i like to view myself as someone who is steadfast, but a person can only handle so much until they crumble. to be fair, it wasn't completely loa's fault for my sudden decline in mental health, there were definitely different factors. but it probably wasn't that healthy for me regardless. burnouts happen ig
in defence of some of the blogs i've been on, there are definitely a few that don't have the regular toxic ideology that a lot of the other blogs do. not all of them take neville goddard's words and teaching as gospel, and some of them actually encourage getting help when you need it and to not rely on loa completely, and they reiterate that any awful things that happened to people wasn't their fault! but i will say that those more healthy loa blogs are more rare and hard to come by. coincidentally, they're also the least active. but i digress
but yeah. my main issue with loa was that after being in that community long enough, i just became stagnant. mostly due to the hope that things would sort them out themselves. i'd hold back on pursuing things and making plans because i wanted to do them AFTER i'd manifested everything. but clearly that didn't work out for me lol.
so uh yeah if you're in the community and reading this and you're not quite ready to let go of it yet, just don't let it hold you back. you think it isn't harmless until you just stop moving forward because of it. and please don't be afraid of reaching out for help.
sorry for the long ramble, hope you're doing well.
fuccccckkk if it were all true. manifesting a big ass psychic elephant would have been so metal !!
Thanks for sharing your story! And yeah, that's the thing about trying something over and over with no results - you might be able to repress the disappointment for awhile, but it will build up and eventually come out and hit you all at once. And it can hit hard.
You mention that you never posted about your failures, and I think that this is a far more common in the Law of Assumption community than many people realize. Neville Goddard's teachings and the community around them absolutely push people into self-censorship. We see people posting success stories (or, supposedly posting success stories), but we really have no idea of what's going on behind the scenes.
And it's a shame that the blogs taking a healthier approach to this aren't as common or active. But honestly, the fact that the toxic bloggers are spending all this time on this blue hellsite when they could, supposedly, manifest themselves doing literally anything else should tell people a lot about how well they're actually doing with the Law of Assumption and their approach to it.
Anyway, I'm glad you're doing better and I hope things keep going well for you!
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Aw dammit, you guys are makin me wanna post this now(10:05) instead of 11:00, but im strong lmao (WARNING, long post ahead)
Anyways, i wanted to start this post off, by giving a thanks to all the truly wonderful people ive met on this platform from this year, last year, when i first joined, and the years to come. Youve all made my experience here wonderful, and to be honest youve made me feel so very very welcomed, and especially loved.
I came to this (wonderful)hellsite during a really lonely time in my life. A few years ago, around the later days of june, 2019, looking for more undertale content. What i didn't expect to find at all, were all the wonderful people im so so so very glad to now call my friends.
All of you, and i mean all, of you invited and welcomed me into your blogs with open arms, kindness, and silly jokes. Even going to the lengths introducing me to your other friends and making me apart of your friend groups. And...i genuinely cannot express how thankful i am for that.
Im so serious, i feel so loved and cared for every single day now, i always have someone to vent or talk with, someone to joke and ramble with, so many people that ive intertwined into this little online family of mine.
Weve all been through..a lot these past three years. What, with covid, loss, hate, and so much more. What im grateful for, is that i havent lost any of you, which not only am i suprised about, but also so grateful. You guys make me feel like the best verison of myself, and make me feel..well..me. we've all stuck together and looked out for each other, helped each other out with our problems, and shared art and stories.
Ive had the pleasure of meeting some very fine, brilliant, and respectable people thus far, and have had the honor of talking with some astonishing young friends. Ive even had the pleasure of gaining followers, and have received fanart of my own characters!! Which, i would have never guess would have happened. Ever. And yet it did, and that means so much to me.
So i suppose what im trying to do, or well..say here, is that all of you have turned my life for the better, and id like to thank you for that.
Thank you, @let-love-run-red @ratsoh-writes @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut @vrnicky @a-gods-somewhat-mortal-form @icelingbolt @shimmer-lamp and @glaucus22 for being my very first friends in here, for welcoming me so warmly, and sharing your art and introducing me to so many cool people. I wouldn't have had as good as an experienced as ive had with you to have shown me kindness in the way the way you did
Thank you @glitchysquidd for giving me the honor of seeing your artwork, and goofing off with me from time to time.
Thank you @mochamashi @kuvvydraws and @underfell-crystal for being so nice to me, and taking time out of your days to chat and listen to my stupid little jokes
Thank you @luminawithherdaemonlinh @wisteria-and-crocuses and again @mochamashi for all the fanart youve sent me iver the months, and all the kind and craziness youve shown me. Thanks for going on crazy little rants with me wisteria, and a big thank to you lumnia for supporting me and my art for so long
Thank you @shimmer-lamp for being there with me since day one, for letting me vent and trusting me enough to confide in me at times.
Thank you @rainbowut @the1920sisntaphasemom and @scienceisfood for giving me so many ideas and laughter, i really do appreciate you guys and i feel as if i dont say it enough. You guys so are hilarious- seriously, i appreciate it
Thank you so so much @hearty-dose-of-ranch @kioko-noodles @fruitsnackart @skele-fucker @sendryl and @und3rwat3r-a5tr0naut taking me in your friendgroup so fast, and so warmly. Before you guys took me in, all of you inspired me and my art so much...i could hardly believe i was actually talking to you guys and was considered a friend??! My hands were shakey, my breath was wobbly, and yet you guys never thought twice about including me. You all have been there for me since ive met you, you all have (patiently)listened to my stuttering and ramblings without a second thought, youve all introduced me to so many cool things and have made me feel so so loved..i cant possibly thank you enough. Youve done so much for me
Thank you @ratsoh-writes for enduring my chaos and bad jokes. Youve made my dumbass feel incredibly welcomed, not to mention being such a big fuckin inspiration??? Youre one of the reasons i started to get confident in my art man. Ive used your art as references so much- and youve been such a good friend to me as well?? Be angry about me gettin muchy all you want, i love you ya stinky sewer varmit.
Thank you @springbon-t-art for showing me kindess even more since i joined the hellscape that is tumblr. Youve showed me nothing less then gentle smiles and kind words, and i thank you for that. Your art has inspired me for years, and most likely years to come from now. So thank you for inspiring me enough to pick up a pencil and start scribbling down on the floorboards
And a big big thank you to @let-love-run-red love...i dont even know where to begin. You've helped me through so much, you've inspired and taught me so much fuckin stuff...you've been one of the best damn friends i could ever have. You've supported me and my cringe drawings since the day i entered your inbox as that shy little anon on that late August day.
Hell, you're the damn reason i started writing. I still remember the tips you given me, all the advice and confidence. And i sincerely thank you for that. You have shown me nothing other then kindness and hardcore support. And i cannot express how much that means to me
And theres so many more people i have yet to thank but unfortunately cannot due to tag limits and my memory. Id have to make another post and make sure i havent forgotten anyone lmao, but thank you all!! To my close moots and followers, to the big inspirations ive yet to summon up the courage to talk to
I seriously, would have not made it this far without you dorks, and i sincerely, and genuinely, hope ive made an impact at least a fragment of the size you guys have made on me. Thank you all for giving me a place to call home on this little site.
Right now the time is 10:41 as i wrap this up, so im gonna go ahead and post this(probably willl be 11 or 12 by the time you twerps get to this point lmao)
So HAPPY NEW YEARS!!
And happy many years to come!!! I cant wait to see what this years brings us, what bonds strengthen and friends we'll meet. Thank you for the wild ride and for all the adventures to come!!
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Hey Will, you’re such a bright presence here and I truly look forward to seeing your posts, your fic, your meta, every time I open this app. There have been so many times that your posts have been exactly what I needed to hear during the shitshow that was the last couple of years. The post about breaking things for catharsis resonated with me, because I’ve always wanted to do the same thing, but I’ve never let myself. So your post felt like permission, and it was such a relief, that thought of “oh, I don’t have to constantly be doing the most rational thing I don’t always have to worry about the mess or any of that other bullshit my fucked up childhood instilled in me. I can just feel sometimes and do things that might look a little nuts just because they’re good for my soul.”
I really love following you, and you make every day a little better. Every time you post about progress you’ve made on your Star Wars timeline or collection or in your personal life, I feel so much pride and happiness because even though we’ve never met, I think of you as a friend and I’m glad for your well-being.
Anyway, I’m all rambly today but the point is, you’re so lovely and such a bright spot here on the Hellsite (affectionate) and I’m so glad you’re here!!! ❤️
bro this means so much to me. there are few places in my offline life where i feel like i can really express myself and share the things i'm passionate about, and it makes me feel SO MUCH less lonely when other people connect with my posts on here. i consider so many people on here to be my friends, and making my friends happy brings so much light into my day too. so thank you!!!!
#you're the best and i hope you know that#please do go break some shit and know that i will be doing the same lol#thanks again 🥹💙#personal
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST STEFANIE!
I'm probably repeating myself here, but you're the most beautiful person I've come across on this hellsite, and I'll never get tired of saying it. Every day, I admire more and more everything you do, from writing to cooking to working and momming like you do. I love your sense of humor, your rants, and how creative and passionate you are. I'm so grateful to have you in my life and being able to share anything with you.
You're a hell of a friend, and If I could kick that stupid cold's butt as a present for you, I definitely would! Instead, I wrote something for you, and hopefully it'll make you forget for a moment, bring out a smile, or both!
Have a beautiful day! I love you 💜💜
Stop it! STOP IT! I'm at work and fighting back tears. Why did I check this while at work anyway? I knew this would happen when I saw you sent an ask. I'm such a sap 😭😂😅
We've known each other for close to 3 years, and I've never had the connection that I have with you with anyone else. I can share personal stuff, but most of all, I can be 100% myself when I talk to you. And this is what makes it so special to me. No pressure, nor anything. No one gets me like you do.
You have no idea how much I appreciate you for just listening to my never ending rants or ramblings. And let's not forget my dad jokes and bad puns 🤣. You probably get 90% of how I'd talk to you irl. On here, I retype everything 20 times before I'm satisfied. But with you, it's my normal dose of word vomiting 😂. I sound smooth when I write fanfiction? I'm really anything but 😅
And why not repeat things that are true? Any chance I get, I will tell you how much I care about you and love you, and that your support means the world to me.
Now, that fic... I'm so excited to read it later, you have no idea! Domme!Reader with Shane? Oh hot damn 😍 You are spoiling me 😏😏
Thanks again 🧡🧡🧡
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hi guys (my like. 4 followers) i was tagged a while ago to do one of those get to know you things with the questions or the prompts and so i tried to write this earlier but then i didnt know if i was supposed to do the same prompts or if there was a different post somewhere but then i just got nervous and never did it because i never actually write my own posts on this hellsite (affectionate) but anyways here goes (thanks jo @fluxofdaydreams for the tag you are so cool) (also im pretty sure i put a readmore right below this text but i never make posts so i cant be sure so im so sorry for putting a long post on your dash if i did)
1. last song: according to what was up on my spotify when i opened the app just now its beyond the mist from the alice in borderland soundtrack but the most recent. lyrical/non-instrumental song ive listened to was apparently i am my own muse from the new fall out boy album which i find hilarious because its buried in my spotify history surrounded by a bunch of other scores and soundtracks and other instrumental music and its possible that i love it so much because it reminds me of those. anyways. sorry to ramble
2. last show: the bear season 2
3. last movie: escape room and escape room 2: tournament of champions both of which i watched last night because i love shitty horror and i love puzzles. they were pretty good for entertainment purposed and “try to beat the characters to figuring out the puzzle” purposes
4. currently watching: im in the middle of. so many things. ive started one piece but can you really say you’re currently watching one piece if its more like you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that watching all 1064 and counting episodes of one piece will take years of your life, rather than days?
5. currently reading: i just finished ninth house and hell bent by leigh bardugo yesterday and tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow by gabrielle nevin like 20 minutes ago
6. current obsession: honestly nothing is making me chew drywall rn surprisingly. i also dont have a good enough memory to tell you what it was most recently. i only really let myself obsess over something after ive finished it because i try to avoid spoilers so. idk.
i dont really know who to tag who would explicitly welcome being tagged since i havent really talked to anyone on here (i mostly communicate by liking and reblogging things from people i like) but if anyone does actually want to do this i would love to learn more about any of you
thanks for listening, void
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I have a horrible cold, the sleep meds are hitting, but it's been two and a half months and htis feels like a good day for making questionable choices so HERE I AM TO SEE HOW WELL THIS FUCKING POST HOLDS UP HUH LET'S SEE HOW IT HOLDS UP, MAGGOTS, AHAHAH.
"signals foir help" lmao bitchboy you THOUGHT.
i mean tyeah we're all queer it's trUe of this entire hellsite not just the show but yes so queer oh my god it's more queer than a pineapple-platypus fanart
oooooh yes they likey and then we all see them likey and we think me likey
fuck you pasta asmi it's black literally anything can be silver or white if you make it reflect enoguh light is that phislosophical maybe
AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH CROWLEY BEING EMO AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA BITCH HE WISHES HE COULD BE THAT COOL AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA OMG THAT DISASTER
listen. listen. it's true. but you doN'T HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING UPPITTY ABOUT IT OKAY YOU'RE NEARLY THERE YOU'RE GOING TO BE A CHILD OF DIVORCE TOO WAIT AND SEE.
i think gabriel causes problems just be existing tbh but big mood anyway fuCK YOU GABRIEL LOVE YOU JIM OR SOMETHING IDK
no no that's true that's true that's fair marriage is a social construct and theyre so married fr
shut the fuck up DON'T JUST SAY THINGS LIKE THAT DON'T STAND AND WATCH EVERYTHING CROWLEY LOVES BURN FIRST THE BOOKSHOP WHICH WAS THE ONLY PLACE HE WAS SAFE FROM HELL AND THEN THE BENTLEY AND THEN HE HAS TO STAND AND BURN IN THE BODY OF THE ANGEL HE LOVES OKAY SHUT UP PAST ASMI SHUT UP
I--HOW DID YOU NOTKNOW ABOUT TDAVID TENNANT LIKE OKJAY YOU WERE JUST TWO WEEKS INTO THE HELLSITE BUT EVERYONE HERE KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HUIM (REFER BAFTA INCIDENTS)
NO HE ISN'T FICTIONAL, TERRY GNU
Is Neil fictional? Am I fictional? I mean I still haven't evaded all the I'm Delirium from Sandman accusations so like. Um. ANYWAY GONNA ASSUME YOU'RE PROUD OF ME NEIL OKAY SINCE YOU'VE NEVER SAID OTHERWISE K COOL THANKS.
Uhhhhhh two preteens actually well I mean depends I mean. I mean. Why am I trying to make sense of either my rambling or the show. Why am I trying.
The baby delivered was the son of satan and became the preteen idk what to tell you man it do be like that sometimes
diSCo TonYyyYYY he even has a stripper name (NO HE DOESN'T, BY THE WAY. WHY DID YOU ALL LIE TO ME ABOUT THIS I WATCHED THE SHOW WAITING FOR THE DISCO TONY STRIPPER ERA.)
....what
you enver understand anything what's new (neither do i, it's ok)
and just like it's mascot.
like the book says "every little bit helps". I mean the book also says "right mumbled crowley suddenly feeling very alone" so like AAA
is there anything they DONT do with homoerotic undertones tho IS there because i haven't seen it yet
man y'all were right i really did make crowley sound like a stripper in this post i'm sorry crowley i love you but your disaster ass could never actually go through with that career stick to being in love with aziraphale as a full time occupation okay
WHICH FUCKING HAIRCUT ARE YOU INSLUTING ASMI CME FACE ME WHICH ONE HUH BECAUSE THEY LOOK GEOGROUS IN THEM ALL FUCK YOU
stop saying queer it's so redundent queer and good omens are the same ffs
i feel fucking called out by MY OWN PAST SELF OW OKAY FINE MESSAGE RECEIVED DID I EVER BLAME NEIL NO SO STOP BRAINROT-SHAMING ME PAST-ME, OK? I KNOW. I KNOW I'M THE PROBELM.
NIOPE JUST GONNA LEAVE THAT THERE NOPE
*nasally front bench student voice because yes* ACTUALLY, it was both oF THE--i forgot what the point i was making was but uh it was both of them is generally a safe point about everything in GO
children. THE THEM,MMMMM AND TY TENNENT AND IM JEMBIMAN AND I MADE THIS POT /NOT DRUG
oh wow really was there nearly missed that apocalypse damN NO I DIDN'T THE APOCALYPSE WAS COOL YOU ALL REALLY CONVINCED ME IT DIDN'T EXIST HUH no fair you were brainroted i exucse it
WE'RE ALL SAD AND AZIRAPHALE DOESN'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN EITHER AND AZIRAPHALE IS SAD TOO I MEAN NO WAIT CROWLEY IS SAD TOO IDK OKAY I AM SO ILL RIGHT NOW
shut THE FUCK UP I'VE NEVER BEEN CALLED OUT SO HARD BY MYSELF. FUCKING BITCH-SLKAPPED BY THE PAST. WHO LET YOU HUH. WHO.
HAHAHAHAH SANIOTY WHAT SANITY WHUICH SANTY HEY MAGGOTS YOU SEE ANY SANITY BECVAUSE I SURE AS FUCK DON';T
holds up pretty wrlll methinks i'm just shocked that you all didn't instantly punch me in the face klike that's so wiLD.
oh i am so ill and wozozy i may have covid who knows i'll go to a doc but mainLY I'M IN LOVE WITH CROWLEY. just gonna run with the assumption that neil is proud of me and that you maggots are proud too because i am so dazed that i do not entertain alternate thoughts i barely entertain thoughts at all love you xoxoxo
Pt III good omens but i STILL SOMEHOW haven't watched it (and i'm increasingly passive aggressive)
i'm now basically held hostage adopted as mascot by this fandom. it's fine i'm fine *SIGNALS FOR HELP DESPERATELY*
Alright fuckers I swear this time I'm going to get some shit right. Without further ado, here's my third attempt at a good omens summary:
Everything everywhere is queer all at once
Angel Aziraphale and demon Crowley on earth likey each other
The car is a bentley and it is BLACK not silver and everyone is very upset about this. my bad yall it was reflecting light therefore i guessed more silver than black but I'm not Anish Kapoor take your black.
Then it is yellow, and aziraphale likes it. crowley preferred the black because he's a flamboyant emo.
God is a deadbeat absentee parent and you are all children of divorce.
There's a naked archangel and they cause problems for the husbands somehow. By being naked? By being an archangel? By being at their doorstep? Who knows not me
They were actually married for 6000 years, they just are the last to know about it.
Crowley is on fire. Like, he's slaying for sure, but also he is literally on fire, like Aziraphale's bookstore.
The actors like I said before are Michael Sheen and David Tennant but this is the place where I finally admit that I don't actually know who is whom. I'm going to assume Michael is Aziraphale because Michael sounds angel-y and David is Crowley because uh Michaelangelo made David and was gay for him.
Terry Pratchett is not fictional.
He co-wrote the book with @neil-gaiman, who IS fictional, because he does not have social media. Several of you have assured me that he is in fact a fandom inside joke. I like to think he would be proud of me.
They adopt a preteen and Crowley gives him bad advice.
At some point a baby was delivered to someone and was exchanged for the son of Satan. Idk if the baby is the preteen, or the son of satan is the preteen, or neither. This could be a fanfic, I have no way of differentiating the fanfic from canon on tumblr, except that the canon is weirder.
Crowley does not go down a chute. He goes down a telephone cord after making himself microscopic to pole dance on a pin with shroom-induced backgrounds.
During this his stage name is Disco Tony. Get it king go slay you're making better life choices than I am tbh.
Aziraphale is a biblically accurate angel, and you have all gone to extensive lengths to prove this to me. I understood nothing, but there you go.
It's all very queer, just like the fandom.
Crowley is a retired demon but he still sins by breaking the speed limit.
They eat at fancy restaurants and bicker but like in a sexual undercurrent way.
Crowley gives Aziraphale a private dance that is not a lap dance, it is an apology dance, but not in a kinky way, until it is.
Their haircuts keep changing and range from 'this is acceptable and gay' to 'i let a drunk chimpanzee take gardening shears and a blowtorch to my hair'
It's all ineffably queer my good fellows
Everyone keeps trying to convince me Neil Gaiman is the villain yeah no guys I know it's really you. Y'all be like 'SEASON TWO BROKE ME' and then you're making headcanons to make it sadder yeah I see you mmhm.
There is a final fifteen. It is sad. What is it? No one told me.
The demon turns goats into crows and the angel turns them back and then children are turned into newts (does the angel turn them back? who cares not yall) and the demon was the snake in the Eden garden and everyone's furry game seems to be on point.
There are a rather lot of children. I have not seen them. But I am assured they are there. They are, guys. I assume they were turned into the alcohol Aziraphale and Crowley drink or something.
There was an apocalypse plotline. It was averted. It is not important. You don't talk about plotlines in this fandom, no sir.
Crowley doesn't want to go to heaven. Aziraphale is sad.
The kiss is not nice, just like this fandom. It is queer, just like this fandom. It is sad and desperate and masochistic, just like this fandom.
Aziraphale doesn't want to stay back with Crowley. Crowley is sad.
Season 2 ends. Fandom is sad.
Everyone's sanity is hinging on the promise of a happy ending in season 3. Good luck guys.
Y'all better appreciate this. I can't even boast to my mother about this legacy of mine, hey mum your son has been held hostage kidnapped inducted into a cult adopted by a fandom he's not part of look he's winning at life.
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let us rewind, to simpler times...comfort fic times🌿💝
yes I will admit - I, too, was swept up by the 🌪️hu-reylo-ricane🌪️ in 2016 - and this was pre-2017, ere the era of ben swolo and force dyad fuckery etc etc - I probably spent hours upon hours reading fic after fic on ff.net and ao3 - some absolutely fan-fucking-tastic, rip-my-soul-to-shreds-and-stitch-it-back-together-with-my-own-veins-stripped-from-my-limbs vibe stories but just two in particular I hold dear to my heart - one of the fics is so deeply significant & personal to me in such an intimate and revealing way I keep bumping it to the bottom of my 30-story-tall faficowrimo list - and the other one being this G-rated, <10k word, two chapter modern student/teacher's asst. college AU. lolwat anyway dive into the deepend of yet another of my faficowrimo rambles with me~
I don't believe @/heyloreylo aka @/on_my_toes is on tumblr anymore after a cursory search to tag, but dear writer if you ever see this, I want to say 🌿thank you🌿 for writing this story (and from an anon prompt!!! wow), I come back to this time and again when I feel homesick for places I haven't been (ugh I know the perfect word for this in my mother tongue but no such english word really captures it succinctly...#multilingualprobs)
Reading: Where There's Smoke, There's Fire by on_my_toes
When I found this fic (or rather when it found me) I, like Rey, was in an exhausting season where I felt I was perpetually living my days as one long night-before-a-big-final and that life kept setting afire any place I attempted to lay my head for a breather - foxes have holes and birds have nests, everyone but me, indeed - and feeling the weariness and loneliness of a season where there are Just Some Things You Must Travail Alone™️, even amidst friends who stick closer than brothers. (Yes I get straight biblical/shakespearean when I wax poetic, pls dont yap in my DMs if you take issue doth bite your thumb at me, good sir)
something I love about my comfort fics is how easy I find it is to leave all mis problemos at the door and slip into the world of the story and the emotions and actions of the characters and I can return again and again and experience all the emotions that swell out of me in a very freeing, cathartic, practiced, and predictably famiilar way anyway yes like 99.5% of people on this hellsite (affectionate) fanfic is also therapy for meeeee
I think like Ben the TA and Rey the chem student in this fic - we all, at times, develop and wear a hard outer shell to protect & distance ourselves and project power - the hardass TA wearing suits/formal/officewear/frowns like armor, the single female orphan student tensed, always ready to let fly a prepared right hook (or a verbal barb, or witty jab, or a cutting look, etc. etc. fill in the blanks)- esp. when cracks in our armor show - but Ben responds to Rey immediately with imho a curiously direct and bold display of care, compassion, and openheartedness - offering Rey the coat off his back, immediately opening his childhood!home to her, calling her by name, encouraging her in his own awkward ass way re: the chem final comment...also I sense from his first words he was watching and waiting to step in only until he was absolutely certain Rey could use his help - and in this sense, adding to and reinforcing to her strength rather than taking it away
there's something about being thrown right into deep end of the pool from the very start of the fic that makes meeting Ben so rewarding - Rey here is clearly tough as nails but caught outside with no shoes on, literally, at a very vulnerable moment - because even the strongest of us can't be strong all the time thank you pete, my IRL moot, for that bit of timely wisdom when I needed it 🌱 - and Ben Swolo meeting her here, not swooping in to save her per se, but shore up and compliment her strength instead and reveal so much more than he probably intended from the start of this afterhours interaction with her - just melts the most frozen parts of my heart every.single.fucking.time 💙🥺
I mentioned how familiar this fic was to me and it's not really the story but the emotions and people it reminds me of...
the way Ben loves Rey - in actions and words - so readily and easily - reminds me of my IRL beloveds who have done same for me
Rey so easily shrugging off help, even when sorely needed, is a heartachingly familiar place personally - and I see shades of my past and sometimes present self in her - but as the story unfolds I am reminded both of her growth and my own and the people who helped, and stayed, and remembered, and walked with and returned to me on my journey, just like with Rey here and I see the best parts of love and humanity in its many forms - familial, in friendship, in a lover - in the twists and turns of this story and anyway am I crying? what the fuck NOT AGAIN anyway moving on-
There is something unmistakably playful in the expression, and she feels her heart do this strange and slightly unwelcome flop at the sight of it.
🥺🥺🥺 I'm not sure if there's like a medical term for this physical sensation but besides looking upon my beloveds, reading fanfic also elicits this sensation in me
He looks down at her, seeming a bit disarmed by her smile. She has pushed him too far. She is about to take a step back and shut the hell up before she digs herself a bigger hole, but just then he smiles back at her, the sight of it so unexpected that he seems like an entirely different person. Handsome, even.
men, take notes - the power of a smile actually is quantifiably a helluva difference maker also stop fucking asking women on the street you don't know to smile its 2024 motherfuckers
It’s strange to think that this fully-grown, slightly intimidating person has parents nearby. 😂😂😂 this definitely reminded me of the shock I had as a madstrokiddo when I ran into a teacher at a supermarket once because I thought she lived at school, you know, the teacher's natural habitat and enclosure-
“I know how scary these tests can be,” he says, setting her at ease a bit by steering the conversation back to academics. “We have a guest room. It’s no trouble at all. I’ll give you a ride back to campus in the morning.”
She stares up at him, and there is something in his uncertainty, in the strange shyness that seems so incongruent with the strict TA she has come to know in class, that she trusts him. Completely.
I FUCKING LOVE SHYBOIS, SHYBOIS FOR PRESIDENT 2024, I WILL BE YOUR SECRET SERVICE/PROTECT YOU WITH MY LIMB AND LIFE FOR FREE please god literally anyfuckingonelse for president other than the two golfing seniors for 2024 anyway i digress
“Hey.” Ben’s voice is soft and careful, close to her ear. oh I fucking love this (whispering, because this moment is tender and sacred)
He eases her out of the car, remembering to grab her socks, and then walks her up the brick stairs to a lovely, quaint little home that she remembers passing on some of her long distance training runs during the cross country season.
She had always envied it for its simplicity, for the little flower pots in the window ledges, for the sweet little porch swing on the front deck. It looked like a place where people were happy. It looked like a home...
A familiar ache rises up in her as she turns, taking it all in — the way the home is so lived in, so worn, so well-loved...
She swipes at her eyes, turning to face him with a strange and misplaced guilt.
Her face burns. She isn’t sure what to say to that. She has lived with Poe and Finn for almost a year, but even now it is strange to her, the idea that someone might worry on her behalf. The idea that someone cares.
Yours. It’s a curious choice of words. There aren’t many things that belong to her in this world, and she knows for a fact that this isn’t one of them. Still, as she melts into the cotton sheets and the seemingly infinite pillows, her eyelids so heavy that they feel like molasses, she lets all of her usual defenses fall to the wayside. Despite everything, she feels comfortable here. Despite everything, she feels … safe.
these few paragraphs detailing Rey's experience in the Solo cottage is one of the main reasons why I come back to this fic - I still remember the first time I read that sentence "it looked like a place where people were happy, it looked like a home" and how Rey reacted - I bawled my eyes out because I was also in the middle of losing a sense of home so to speak when I read this, and I felt so seen in seeing the same feelings through Rey's eyes here - that helpless feelng of the embarassment of missing out on what everyone else take for granted - and it made me feel less alone and helped dry out that really raw, wet sense of grief a leetle bit more to something more manageable every time I went back to read it ❤️🩹🥹💙
also Ben readily offering to Rey things like friendship to fall back on in hard times, an open ear and heart and home to take you in, a safe and strong presence through a night(s) of crisis, a nice, soft, warm bed to rest in, someone to say to you “I would have worried about you if you hadn’t," someone to care about you, someone to make you a meal 💛- was very healing to read and be reminded of 🌿🌿🌿
She barrels into him so hard that it almost knock the wind out of her. She would have ended up with her butt on the floor, but Ben’s instincts are quicker than hers, and he reaches out and steadies her before she plummets — which unfortunately, ends with her pressed up against him so close that she nearly bangs into his chin with her forehead.
mmmm chin rest height is optimal couple height diff 🤭
But most of all, she is embarrassed by his tenderness. Embarrassed by the way he has inconvenienced himself for her, and gone to all this trouble, when she is not worth it by any degree. She has nothing to offer him, no way to thank him.
“You don’t have to thank me,” he says slowly, his bewilderment incongruous with her panic, with the way she scurries toward the door.
“I do, though,” she says, her eyes stinging with her embarrassment.
this whole exchange ending with the "you don't have any shoes oh and btw I washed ur underwear" first off is fucking excellent nay perfect comedic timing, but also REY!!! I want to give you such a big hug for being so human (when I first went to see Force Awakens with a bff she mentioned how she loved how Rey was able to cry so freely and keep and protect her tenderness while surviving in a harsh desert and that comment has always stuck with me), dear writer (toes? toesy? idk what to call writer) you light these complex emotions in such stark relief and in such a familiar and recognizable way they become a lot less lonelier and scarier to face as a result 💖💖💖
I thought the ch. 1 ending was fucking perfect so of course as I usually do, fucking screeched upon seeing a continuation
first off, LMAO @ Hurricane Kylo
Ahch-To University 😂 so IRL Ahch-To is an Irish island named Skellige Michael that is still on my bucketlist of places to visit (apparently it is very weather-dependent and a bit difficult to reach, via local boats only)
She raises an eyebrow at him. It’s the first time she has directly looked at him, and it is like staring at the sun. 🥺🥰
I love the reversal in fortune with Rey now coming to rescue Ben amidst his own storm and the little mystery woven in the breadcrumbs of Rey-left-after-last-semester and seeing Rey, truly, from Ben's eyes and heart and his crush showing in so many cute little ways 🥰🥰🥰
How he sometimes let himself imagine following her, asking her out for coffee, getting to know her, or even…
even what? EVEN WHAT BEN???? HMMM??? TELL US, THIS IS A SPICY SAFE SPACE-
He crouches beside her as low to the ground as he can get. Too late he realizes that her faces in inches from his. Her eyes are shut, her skin ghostly pale against the smear of blood on her forehead, but she still seems a lot more calm than he feels right now, his heart beating in too many places at once.
The rain impossibly starts to beat down even harder, the roar of it unimaginable. Rey’s mouth opens wide and he realizes even though he can’t hear it that she’s laughing out loud.
Only then does the chaos seem somewhat manageable. Only then does the beat of his heart seem to find some semblance of a normal rhythm. No matter what happens in this upside down world, they’re in this together. 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
I have been on a journey processing and sifting the poison and the balm from my religious upbringing so TW for some church-ish talk but I am reminded of tale of a certain carpenter's son sleeping in the midst of a storm - an image that I have always loved - I used to imagine during storms so to speak that I always had a safe haven of open arms waiting for me and inviting me to rest instead of fight or freak out - and wake up to see the storm abated, and not alone - and for some reason this little tidbit recalls that story, that feeling, and that image of peace in the midst of storms for me
alternately reminded of Lt. Nate Fick's speech from Generation Kill on the humvee wheel he was taking cover in during a firefight being 'the safest place in the world' - often not a matter of what and why but where and who you are with that brings much perspective 💙✨
Rey winces slightly, and Ben immediately regrets asking. In that moment the wind dies down just enough that there is no denying the tension between them. She pulls away, just slightly, enough that their bodies are still touching but nowhere near as intimately as before.
this is so real - many times our body speaks when our words can't
This time the gesture is so thoughtless, so innate, that he doesn’t even realize he’s moved until his fingers are skimming her forehead, pushing the hair back from her face. Her eyes lock on his, wide with surprise and a kind of hunger in them — never taking her gaze off of him, she leans ever-so-slightly into his touch, like someone who is both wary of affection and longing for it all at once.
I love this story's Ben in how easily he loves Rey in thought and words and gesture, I found it very healing to read about such a man but also in my later reads - inspirational, encouraging, and exemplary for me to be the same - and seek and coax it out of those around me ❤️❤️❤️
“She had a good, long life,” she says, in that optimistic way of hers. “I’m just glad I got to be a part of it.” I hope to say this of my IRL and tumblr beloveds and moots as well 🌿✨
She has always seemed so untethered, so separate from everyone else. It is the reason he was so drawn to her — he has always felt out of place himself, despite his best efforts. But now that he has some understanding of Rey’s past, however small it is, he feels some part of his heart cinching for her in some unfamiliar, powerful way. In those moments, he seems to absorb her sadness as if it is his own, and it is a burden he is more than willing to bear. 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹
“I’m Rey,” she says, almost merrily. “And this is the second time your son has saved my ass.” 😂😂😂 alexa, play smooth operator by sade (yeah im gonna bring this meme back, watch me)
His father tosses back the phone and Rey catches it deftly, dialing a number she must know by heart. I appreciate this detail of foster rey memorizing phone numbers of close contacts 🫂❤️🩹
As terrifying as the ordeal was, there was something so intimate in it, some unknowable shared feeling that passed between them, and now … he can already feel it peeling away, as if it never happened. He can already see the sun spilling out of the clouds, people poking their heads out of their doors, the the world resuming in its ordinary way, and it’s all somehow insulting to the profundity of what just happened to them.
Fucking incredible paragraph, I'm pretty much nearly speechless at this point
well all this to say, I found this fic this fic found me when I was at a low point in my life, shone a light down into my little hole/valley and made me remember I could find the strength within me to climb out - and take the hands of friends and recognize the presence of beloveds ready to meet me where I was and help me climb out together...
...and I am incredibly, incredibly grateful that I started reading beyond the Explicit/Inappropriate Use of the Force Bond tagged reylo fics to find this gem
#madstrothought#FaFiCoWriMo#fanfiction#star wars#rey x ben solo#reylo#can't believe I typed out reylo in the year of our lord 2024#where there's smoke there's fire#on_my_toes#comfort fics#heyloreylo#Inappropriate Use of the Force is a real tag btw
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Just to be clear, I'm not under any circumstances excusing the continued lack of lgbt representation and in this day and age everyone, especially Disney, needs to do better. But seriously with the comparing Star Wars and Endgame rep?
Tros was honestly a step up from Endgame (just not a big enough one by far). The "randoms" who kiss? Did y'all forget that one of those women actually had a significant side character role? She was one of the major resistance command staff and did and said a lot in both TLJ and TRoS and that was an actual on-screen KISS not some casual he/him pronouns for some man's date who you meet for a minute and never see again, who doesn't matter in the slightest either to the film or in-universe. And the fact that it was a casual sweet loving f/f kiss is even better considering the general oversexualising of f/f relationships movies have tended to lean towards in the past.
I KNOW it's still pretty inconsequential and I absolutely hate that this is still all we're getting in 2019 and Disney need to get their shit together because it's well overdue now, but this and Endgame are not on the same level.
I really hope this doesn't read as me patting Disney on the back for basically nothing because I decidedly am NOT (closer to smacking them round the head here) but I'm tired of hearing people say it's just as bad as what we got in Endgame because it's not, it's better, but it's not enough.
#honestly please believe me that i am mad as hell about this lack of rep thing. just maybe a little less than some of y'all#i avoid news about movies i wanna watch so i didn't even know we were 'promised' anything and i have 0 belief in disney doing anything#so i guess maybe i can think a bit more clearly and logically than those of you who hoped and got let down?#anyway they should have made finn and poe kiss but like this is better than endgame and better than nothing#(personally as far as im concerned those men are deeply in love and that's just a canon fact thanks to their acting)#anyway. contemplated actually tagging this but i don't really want to risk people actually seeing and replying#and possibly starting arguements. i just needed to get this off my chest because its been on my mind since opening night#i saw reviews like immediately after and so many people kept saying it's just like endgame and it bugged me#so yeah fuck disney but also fuck the hyperbole and toxicity of everything on this goodamn hellsite and the rest of the internet#Amy's inane ramblings
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Hello 🐈⬛
I’m not gotta lie, this is one of the best wonwoo slowburn fanfic in this hellsite. I wasn’t expecting to enjoy reading this story as much as i did ! During the lecture, you can tell that Kai spent a lot of their time writing this, and the final result is just a piece of art. Usually i don’t really like reading idol!au because a lot of times the story is only about that, call me spoiled but it is really boring when all the stories you can find sadly look the same, that’s why at first i was septic about reading but then, from what i know about this writer is that they really have a talent for surprising you and throw you the unexpected, that’s why i went head first without worrying much about it. And then i spent 2 hours reading it, in my bed, at 1 am, but i couldn’t stop myself, i was really intrigued and pulled in by the storyline and the characters :’) it was a roller coaster of emotions and rolling around in my bed several times lol, just, i really loved the fact that we discovered these main characters in that decor, where they already met before, and they already had something going on. It was a welcoming change of situation, basically we would have expected to follow a character who met the other one, and then starting from step one to the final one, but you changed that so it felt refreshing in a way (for a reader who’ve been reading fics since 2016) fjfjfjf. I don’t know if i’m making any sense, i’m sorry if that’s the case, english is not my first language, and that’s also why i’m not a writer haha !
Anyway, wonwoo’s character was really endearing to me, he’s such a reserved person, but i feel like you wrote him very well and you were able to understand his personality, the one we don’t usually see from him when he’s embracing his idol persona. In that way, we really felt in the story the duality between the first parts of the story where woo and yn were starting to hang out, and when she discovered who he was when she and her sis went to support (unconsciously) his group. I feel like i’m rambling but i really want to highlight this point, the way wonwoo’s character opened up throughout the story.
I felt frustrated with the way yn just let mina talk like that to wonwoo after the incident, like okay mina was thinking she was doing something useful, but i couldn’t imagine but put myself in wonwoo’s shoes, and i really can’t for the life of me forget the guilty feeling of hurting wonwoo 😭😭😭 and that actually how yn felt in that moment so i was so pleased that i related to her l fjfjjfjf I loved the side characters too, and the roles they played in this situation!! ALSO I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT HANI THE KITTEN ?? like she’s the main reason wonu went to that shelter, and she’s the reason wonu and yn had a crush on each others, she’s the ✨moment✨ i’m kidding but not really, i feel like she played a bigger role than the side characters haha, and it’s really cute how she was consistently present in tho story, from the beginning to the end 🤧 i love cats !!
Ngl, i felt frustrated and unwell during the parts where yn and wonwoo ignored e/o (thank you yn 😒), she was a coward (that i am too, i don’t have the right to judge), but feeling that way about her really show us how stupid sometimes we can act about someone or a situation! but yeah, the moment when they reunited and talked about the issue really lifted that weight from my heart ! But i still feel like yn should have apologized more than what she did, that’s a personal opinion 😭 (maybe bc i’m kinda resentful and if someone just decide to ignore me for a reason idk and then come back like a saint to “apologize” for their behavior, i really would expect a long ass apologize to make me feel better). BUT, that a personal opinion and i don’t judge you in any way Kai!
Can we move on to the smut ? KAI ? are you insane ??? bc you made me crazyyyyyyy, THE WAY THE WONWOO OF THE START COMPLETELY VANISHED BEFORE OUR HEART SHAPED EYES ? i felt attacked, and here again the duality made my head hurt lmao, i can’t stand cute nerd guy being hot and sexy i’m sorry :’) the dirty talk… 🫣 i had to eat the paint out of my walls so i could calm down !!!
I think i’m reaching the end of my feedback ? In summary, it was the best wonu fic, you really made my night better, and i will held this couple near my heart for a long time ❤️ (sorry if there are mistakes, i didn’t check what i was writing)
— meet cute of the century ⟢
the last thing you expected when you volunteered at your city’s local animal shelter is to meet the hottest cat person in the world. now if only he’d just adopt one of them so you’d stop ogling him every time he drops by.
★ FEATURING; wonwoo x reader
★ WORD COUNT; 25.4k words
★ TAGS; meet cute, strangers to lovers, pining, discourse abt being an idol as a career, mild angst, smut
★ NOTES; it's finally done!! and it turned out to be the longest oneshot i've written ever T T i reaaally didn't mean it to become this long but i got overly self-indulgent so here we are :3c also psa that this story features a handful of other characters from the series, so if you find them familiar that's totally on purpose HEH
this is part of the doting on you! series.
★ SMUT TAGS; unprotected sex, service top wonwoo, praise kink, voice kink, first time together, fingering, creampie, ofc they're grossly in love
★ TAGLIST; @cheolhub - @pretty-trustme - @just-here-to-read-01 - @idkmelkro - @dejavernon - @venusrae - @jeonghancvunt - @jyiiscool - @jiniesclub - @junhui-recs - @bldelaine - @fruitzcup - @hoeforhao - @candidupped - @emmmui - @billboard-singer - @caratochan - @novalpha - @dahliatopia - @0717luv - @shiveringgaze - @toruro - @mixling-blog - @coffeestay - @jkbabiey
★ SERIES TAGLIST; @ti--red - @jeonwonhi - @gyusbabydoll - @xiaoting999 - @marksluvr0 - @ohmyhuenings - @downbadreading
P.S. i reserve the right to refuse to add you to my taglist if you don't have any age indicators in your profile :^)
There are a handful of things that a college student can do with their free time. Studying, hanging out with friends, and maybe even picking up a hobby of sorts. You, on the other hand, use up all the hours you’re not spending on your undergrad thesis or sleeping the day away at an animal shelter just a few minutes away from your apartment.
Your friends constantly wonder how you’re still able to maintain a remarkable GPA with a part-time job that’s starting to look full-time, but you just laugh their questions off for the most part—saying that other people have got it worse than you, but can still perform leagues better academically.
You also tell them that most of your motivation comes from all the unadopted animals from the shelter. You started as a volunteer just to kill time on weekends when you’re free, but even if you knew better than to get attached to all those adorable faces, you eventually found yourself on the employee roster anyways.
Now you’re rushing to finish your degree so you can get a neat sugar mommy job that’ll let you afford to adopt everyone that’s been stuck in the shelter for nearly a year or more.
Okay, maybe not everyone because you’re no fool with a savior complex. But just enough to give a few furry friends a new home, right?
“Don’t look now,” your coworker, Mina whispers conspiratorially while you’re in the middle of snacking in the break room, “but that cutie you’ve been crushing on just walked inside. He’s checking out the cats out in the playroom as usual.”
Right. Apart from your altruistic dream of adopting as many animals as your financial capabilities can allow, there’s another reason you’re always looking forward to your shifts at the shelter. A reason that you’re a bit too embarrassed to let your friends know about.
You nearly choke on a potato chip when Mina informs you of the news and she immediately breaks into a fit of laughter. Glaring at her, you compose yourself with a long gulp of water before saying, “I do not have a crush on him.”
“Sure,” she plays along. “If you consider making googly eyes at the guy every time he drops by as ‘not having a crush on him’, then I’ll concur.”
“I hate you.”
“No you don’t, sweetheart. Now get out there and sweet talk him into taking one of the kittens home! Pretty sure he wants one if he’s been showing up as much as he did for the last two months.”
While you would’ve argued that the so-called cutie you’ve been crushing on could just like seeing the cats play around in his free time, you don’t really have much energy to play mental gymnastics with Mina. You’ve had a long day of revisions and other nonsense materials you have to submit for your majors, so you’ll let this one slide.
Your workplace is as bleak as every other shelter you’ve seen a few times in your life. Gray walls, concrete floors, and steel cages stacked on top of each other. It looks more like a prison than anything, really, but it’s the staff and those kind-hearted souls who rehome animals that have long been abandoned that give the entire place some life.
While Mister Cutie That You’ve Been Quote-Unquote Crushing On doesn’t exactly fall into either of those categories, you like to think he still leaves the building just a touch more colorful once he walks out of the front door.
Speaking of color, he’s wearing a loose, dark green shirt that falls just below his elbows. Cutie—as you’ve deigned to call him not because you think he’s cute but because you’re yet to get his name—has one palm flattened across the viewing glass of the playroom. He’s wearing his usual black face mask today, but from the way his eyes glint behind his glasses, you’re just going to assume he’s having a good time just by watching the cats frolic inside.
“You’re here pretty late,” you state nonchalantly before standing a few feet away from him.
“Is that so strange?” he murmurs with a chuckle, surprisingly not startled with your sudden entrance before glancing your way. “I always show up here at this hour, don’t I?”
God. No matter how many times you hear his voice, you just can’t get over how deep it is. But before any of your thoughts could show on your face, you get talking.
“True. You’ve sparked a debate among the volunteers about your line of work, actually.” Not exactly. You’re not sure if any of the volunteers have even seen this guy, since they mostly work day shifts. “Anyway, are you just here to check ‘em out or am I finally going to hand you the adoption papers?”
His eyes crinkle a bit before he shifts his gaze towards the playroom again. Most of the older cats have already been put back in their respective cages. All that’s left inside are the kittens with way too much energy to spare. The director, A.K.A., your boss, believes that it’s best to tire them out first before settling them into individual enclosures for the night. Keeps the place nice and quiet for the evening shift fellows like yourself.
“Not yet, sadly,” Cutie says with a sigh before pointing at a small black kitten huddled up in a corner. “That one’s new, isn’t it? I don’t think I’ve seen him around before.”
“Her,” you correct. “Her name’s Hani. She’s a stray that someone from the university I’m attending brought in last week. It was pretty ugly, actually. Poor thing got into an accident and was bleeding everywhere. Good thing our usual vet was paying a visit when they came here.”
“Oh? That’s a relief then. No wonder she’s got a little limp every time she walks around,” he observes with a saddened tone. “But I digress. You mentioned you were attending university?”
…Okay, why’d the topic of interest suddenly shift to you?
But since it’s a harmless enough question, you reply with, “Yeah. The one that’s just a few blocks away. It’s kinda why the person who found Hani brought her here instead of a vet clinic. The nearest one’s like half an hour away.”
“Good call, good call.” He nods with a look of understanding. “I hope someone comes and adopts her. She deserves all the love she can get. Well, everyone here does of course.”
You flash him a conniving smile, raising your brows a few times. “You could give that to her.”
Cutie shakes his head with another low-pitched laugh. “As much as I’d love to, my…living conditions won’t be suitable for her at all. Or any of the other animals for the matter.”
“Hm?” You stare at him curiously. “Your landlord doesn’t allow pets or something?”
“Mmm… Not exactly.”
The conversation pretty much ends there. Cutie excuses himself—saying that someone is waiting for him at home. You don’t know why your heart deflates a little at the very real possibility that he has a significant other. Then again, if you’re this whipped when you haven’t even seen his face, you could only imagine how easy it would be for him to settle down with someone who has.
Either way, it’s none of your business. And correction: you’re not whipped. Just…hyper aware of his presence every time he stops by.
Despite the fact that you’re dead-set on filing this strange fascination you have for the guy, however…
“Wait!”
Cutie turns around to face you with an inquisitive look. “Yes?”
You swallow thickly, deciding to just bite the bullet before your nerves get the best of you. “What’s your name? I can’t keep calling you Cu—I mean, Glasses Guy in my head whenever you pay us a visit.”
He blinks for a few seconds, obviously nonplussed by your forwardness but you don’t think your pride can take it anymore if you had to refer to him as—
“You can call me Woo,” he says warmly and you can almost see the smile that stretches behind that black face mask.
Shit. Did your heart just stutter?
“Mister Woo—”
“Just Woo is fine.”
“Okay, Woo,” you start, kind of liking the way that something that’s obviously a nickname rolls off the tongue, “just let me know if you ever want to take Hani home. We’re open twenty four-seven, as you already know.”
He nods. “Sure thing. Is it okay if I can get your number for that?”
Now you have to fight the urge to scowl at him after he’s been so nice to you all night—and every other night he’s dropped by.
This guy isn’t flirting with you. He said it himself—someone’s waiting for him at home. Plus, he’s expressed consistent interest in adopting a kitten for himself a handful of times before. Maybe he just connected with Hani on a level that’s above the others. Enough to ask for your number since the possibility of him bringing one of these angels home is becoming more and more real.
Yeah, that’s definitely the reason!
So you give it to him—hastily scrawled behind an old flier gathering dust in one of the drawers on the front desk. It’s way too big to write just yours and the shelter’s contact details on, but the other calling cards are nowhere in sight. You’ll have to ask Mina if she’s seen them once—
“Thanks. I’ll keep in touch,” Woo tells you while folding the sheet of paper into a sleek black Louis Vuitton wallet.
Wait a minute.
Before you can even seriously ponder about what job he’s got to be able to afford that, Woo is already out of the door—heading into the evening streets without once looking back.
“Gosh, I swear that guy’s an idol in disguise or something.”
That’s the first thing that Mina tells you when you find her doing a few rounds among the sleeping dogs in the far back. You haven’t even spoken a single word about your most recent exchange.
“What makes you think that?”
“He just exudes idol vibes, y’know? Shows up here when the place is deserted. Always acts subtle and inconspicuous. Oh and not to mention how hot he looks even with a face mask on! He could be that one idol your little sister is crazy about.”
You roll your eyes at her odd ways of deduction. “Mina, I’ve seen enough of Haewon’s Mingyu merch to last a lifetime and Woo definitely does not look like him.”
“Oh?” Your coworker perks up with a mischievous smile. “You finally got his name, huh?”
God. This is going to be a long shift.
The next time you see Woo is, surprisingly, not at an ungodly hour in the shelter.
Well, it’s still at an ungodly hour, but the change in venue is a little baffling. You were up all night studying (read: cramming) for a major exam that you’ll take at eight in the morning the next day. When you were finally at your wit’s end, you decidedly hauled yourself away from your laptop and fluttered off to the only twenty four-hour coffee shop in the neighborhood.
You don’t usually frequent this place because you’ve tasted their shitty americanos firsthand, but you’re not in the mood to grind some beans yourself and you’re much too stubborn to drink anything instant—convinced the powdered concoction would only make you sleepier.
So here you are, in line for an espresso because you’ve decided to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe not everything on the menu tastes less than it’s worth. With how many other students are pulling all-nighters here, that should be testament enough that they tolerate the place’s drinks enough to linger.
But, to your horror, when you’re right in front of the graveyard shift barista, he informs you that wireless payments have been temporarily disabled and that they’re only accepting cash up front. You make a show of patting down the pockets of your hoodie to check for your wallet even if you know damn well that you left it back at your apartment on purpose. Just when you’re about to resign yourself to buying shitty instant coffee at a Seven Eleven instead, the person behind you in line clears his throat.
“Uh, I can pay for her drink.”
You don’t think you’ve ever whipped your head around to check for a person’s identity faster than you did at that moment. It’s not that you’re particularly obsessed with the low timber of his voice or anything, but you’d recognize the way the shelter’s late night regular speaks in a goddamn heartbeat.
“Woo?” you scowl as he maneuvers himself to the front of the line, bringing out that same Louis Vuitton wallet you were ogling the last time you saw him.
He pulls out a few banknotes and places them on top of the counter with what you think is a smile behind his mask. “Couple that with four iced americanos please.”
You purposely hold your tongue about your personal vendetta against that particular drink as the barista nods, punching in Woo’s order and asking for a name. Just when you thought he’d say the same one he’d given when you’d asked, however—
“Soonyoung. Oh, and I’ll get those drinks to go, please.”
Your gaze is on him the entire time as the two of you shuffle to the end of the counter to wait for your drinks. Woo is doing a pretty okay job at playing it cool despite the fact that he lied about the names on his orders. Or maybe he lied when he told you his name was Woo.
Either way, does it matter? It’s not strange for people to make up fake names for baristas to write on their coffees—Mina does it all the time. But something about the idea that the man standing in front of you doesn’t look like a Soonyoung bothers you more than it should. It makes you wonder what his actual name is and if it’s weird to ask when he already gave you one to address him with—
“Didn’t think I’d see you here,” he suddenly says and you nearly have a heart attack.
“Uh,” you start somewhat dumbly, before finally getting a hold of your brain. “I live around the area. Thought I could use a drink if I didn’t want to sleep through my lecture notes.”
He lets out a low chuckle and at that moment, you let yourself observe him a little more closely. His hair is hidden behind a black beanie which he expertly paired with an equally black parka that’s zipped up all the way. He’s wearing a different pair of glasses today—one with thick, black frames—and you’re starting to get an idea of what his favorite color might be.
“Is that why I haven’t seen you at the shelter these days?” he wonders. “Every time I dropped by last week, you weren’t on shift.”
Oh. Shit, he’s been visiting still? And he was looking for you?
“Yup, I needed to take a few days off because if I wanna graduate, I’ve got to keep myself from failing any of my majors,” you explain as briefly as you can—not wanting to go into detail about GPA requirements and your thesis. “How about you? Why’re you out and about at this hour, Soonyoung?”
It’s kind of adorable, how the tips of his ears flush pink at your words. “Soonyoung’s one of my friends. I actually went out tonight because I lost a bet and had to buy four of us coffee.”
You’re not sure how and why you feel a wave of relief wash over you, so instead, you brush the feeling aside before leaning against the counter. “Lost a bet about what, pray tell?”
Woo is quiet for a while, as if contemplating if he should unveil his losses to someone who’s virtually still a stranger before letting out a defeated sigh.
“Mario Kart.”
The snort you let out draws a few curious stares from other customers sitting near the counter and you force out an apology that’s underscored with a hiccup of laughter. Woo doesn’t seem at all offended by your reaction though. In fact, he seems even amused by it.
Not ten seconds later, the barista calls out his—rather, Soonyoung’s name and he hands you your drink while he carries a takeout package in his other hand. You try not to think too much about the way his fingers brush against yours when he gives it to you, thanking him despite the obvious redness settling across your cheeks.
“I actually meant to text you last week but I didn’t know if you were comfortable with it,” Woo admits as he opens the door to the coffee shop for you—thanking him as you step out of the air conditioned space and into the humid evening air. “I wanted to ask about the adoption requirements at the shelter.”
Part of you is a little skeptical about his explanation because… If he’s been dropping by your workplace as often as he claimed last week, then he could’ve just asked the other staff about the details. Why wait until he meets you again to bring it up?
But of course, you’re way too polite to ask that to his face.
“I don’t mind you texting me about that or…anything, really,” you say, turning up the flap on the lid of your espresso before taking a small sip. Bearable. “It’s not like I’m too busy to respond to you. Well, I kinda am, but I can spare a few minutes.”
Woo nods with a soft laugh. “Okay. I’ll just get into detail via text later. I gotta bring these coffees back or they’ll chew me out for the rest of the night for being late. Oh, but do you need someone to walk home with you?”
The idea of having your not-work crush escorting you home flusters you more than it should and when you take another sip of your drink, it nearly goes down the wrong hole. Woo pats your back in comforting fashion when you sputter from your coffee, tears stinging your eyes as you attempt to breathe like a normal person. Fuck, you must look so fucking weird right now.
“I-I, um, sorry about that.” You cough into your fist, laughing uneasily as you grip your drink a little too tightly. “No, it’s fine. I only live a few blocks away.”
Now that you mention it, does that mean Woo is the same? If he’s out here in this specific neighborhood at this specific hour, that would only mean he lives in the area, or is at least staying for the meantime, right? But before you could get swept up by your own curiosity, you immediately sweep any and all ideas under the rug.
“Oh, that’s—that’s good to know.”
He sounds disappointed. Why does he sound disappointed?
“So I guess this is goodbye? ” you start.
Woo nods briskly. “Yup. I’ll keep in touch.”
You chuckle. “That’s what you said last time.”
Whoa. Were you propositioning him or something? Sometimes, it baffles you how one minute, you’re choking on a cup of coffee—several shades embarrassed—and the next, you’re practically daring him to text you like he said he would.
“And I’ll make good on that as soon as time permits.” Woo shakes his head with a laugh. “It was nice seeing you again, though. Good luck with your exams.”
You can’t help the way your cheeks heat up yet again at the thought of him having remembered that you mentioned your exams. “Thanks. I think I need all the luck I can get.”
When Woo turns to look at you through those thick-rimmed glasses, you almost wish you could see the smile that’s undoubtedly spreading behind that pesky mask of his.
“I’ll be happy to give it to you every time then.”
Today was probably the shittiest day of the week.
Not only did you spectacularly flunk the exam you took this morning whilst running on less than two hours of sleep, but your thesis adviser emailed you about several concerns regarding the latest version of your manuscript. Needless to say, you spent a good chunk of your day holed up in the university library, consulting new reference materials to back up your data since the ones you used were much too outdated for your adviser’s liking.
It should’ve been something you’d consider a walk in the park, given the many revisions that have preceded this one, but it just so happens that you’ve got three more exams to worry about for the remainder of the week. Meaning, you had to squeeze in a few minutes of studying in between editing your newest draft and telling yourself that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if you got held back for one semester before graduating.
You’ve been so caught up with your piling academic responsibilities that you’ve barely looked at your phone. You only deigned to dig it out of the deepest pit of your backpack when you got a little hungry and wondered if they still let food delivery guys past the school gates. To your surprise, you’re greeted with a few text messages that you immediately feel horrible for not replying to the moment they were delivered.
Unknown Number [10:45]: So about those adoption requirements…
Unknown Number [11:33]: Oh. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. It’s Woo.
Ignoring the fact that you’re obviously famished, you hastily type in a response after marking down Woo’s number with a black cat emoji right next to his name. It takes a moment because you’re so shaky, you end up suffering from a few typos here and there.
Me [13:10]: hey! sorry i was a bit busy and i just saw these…
Me [13:10]: what do you wanna know? i’m on a self-imposed lunch break rn
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:15]: No worries, I figured you got a long day ahead. Hope lunch is good at least.
Me [13:16]: actually, i haven’t ordered anything yet ‘cause time got away from me but Anyways
Me [13:16]: you wanted details abt the adoption process?
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:18]: What? You haven't eaten yet?
Me [13:18]: yeah, but it’s no big deal. i could just have some food delivered.
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:19]: Well, I’m out right now. I could just buy some food for you and drop it off.
Your eyes practically bulge out of their sockets when you read each word of Woo’s text message. Is he being serious right now? The guy just paid for your coffee last night—a coffee that you forgot to pay back because of how surprising the circumstances were. Now he’s offering to buy you lunch?
Me [13:20]: you really don’t have to, i swear!! i’ve still got a few discount vouchers in baenim
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:22]: I insist. I’ve got my bike with me anyway.
Me [13:22]: bike? like, a bicycle?
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:23]: Mmm. Close. Anyway, what food do you want?
Now what the hell does that mean?
Part of you feels like you should be freaked out with how…kind he’s being to you. The world is full of weirdos who play the nice guy just to do something despicable to you in the end. Yet another part of you—a less reasonable one, admittedly—insists that Woo is nothing like that, despite the fact that you barely know the guy.
Then again, you’re tired, stressed out, and barely slept a wink last night. If the hot guy you’ve been quote-unquote crushing on is offering to buy you food, where’s the harm in accepting?
Me [13:25]: fine. i could use some yangnyeom chicken and tteokbokki.
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:26]: Nice. I know a good place.
Woo 🐈⬛ [13:27]: I’ll head out in a few, so just text me the address.
Right after sending your university’s pin location to Woo, you start to consider the chance of him being some sort of serial stalker. Could he be biding his time, trying to let your guard down and easing personal information out of you so he could do something nefarious when he gets you alone? Fuck. Maybe it’s a good idea you didn’t let him walk you home yesterday…
But despite the very real possibility of Woo being someone with bad intentions regardless of how nice he is, you see no problem in meeting him at the school gates when he arrives with your food. In fact, you don’t even feel apprehensive of him in spite of all the ideas you conjured in your head over the past hour.
Me [14:15]: where are you?
Woo 🐈⬛ [14:16]: Parked by the curb in front of a bookstore. You can’t miss me.
Me [14:16]: i don’t even know what you Look like today, genius
Woo 🐈⬛ [14:17]: I told you, I’ve got my bike with me. I don’t see anyone else looking the same way within a twenty meter radius.
You have to fight the urge to roll your eyes. For someone you deemed as ‘nice’, he can get pretty mouthy if he wants to.
You head to the general direction of the bookstore that Woo was talking about as you try to ignore your growling stomach. Given that the lunch rush is more or less over, the usual crowd of pedestrians has considerably thinned out and it makes it easier for you to scan the vicinity for any bike-wielding impromptu delivery guys.
However, the only person that does stand out to you is some dude wearing a black leather jacket, chilling next to an expensive looking motorcycle as he taps away on his phone with a matching pair of leather gloves and everything. His face is obscured by a black helmet and you would’ve let your gaze go past him had it not been for a sudden realization that hits you right there.
Bike? Like, a bicycle?
Mmm. Close.
“Woo!”
Of course the leather jacket-clad, expensive motorcycle-wielding man looks up at the sound of his name being called from across the street. The visor of his helmet is drawn all the way up and you could see that he isn’t wearing his glasses for good reason. He seems to perk up at the sight of you before grabbing something from the trunk of his motorcycle and jogging to meet you where you stood.
You’ve seen him sporting a spectrum of comfortable outfits during his late night visits, but this is the first time you’ve witnessed Woo looking as dapper as he is now.
“Late lunch delivery?”
You don’t even try to hide the way you roll your eyes as you accept the paper bag he hands to you. “Thanks. How much do I owe you now? You already got me coffee and now lunch.”
He shakes his head and you find it a little ridiculous, considering he’s still wearing that huge helmet of his. “It’s on me. It’s the least I could do to repay you for being so accommodating.”
“Woo, I haven’t done shit for you ‘cause you’re yet to properly talk to me about the adoption process. What on earth are you talking about?”
“But you will do shit for me when we do talk about it. I’m just repaying the favor in advance,” he rebuts cheekily before pulling back the sleeve of his jacket to check for the time. “Though as much as I want to do that now, I need to catch a flight in a few hours.”
That makes your expression morph into disbelief. “You need to catch a what?”
“A flight. Gotta head to Japan for a few days,” Woo tells you nonchalantly, as if heading to Japan for a few days is something people do on a regular basis. “Can you make sure no one else takes Hani home before I can settle everything on my end?”
You tell yourself that you’ve got time to mull over what this guy does for a living some other time. Clearing your throat, you manage an awkward smile. “Um, yeah, sure thing. You’re really attached to her, aren’t you?”
“You can say that again,” he laughs softly. “She kinda reminds me of myself from a long time ago… But anyway, I’ve gotta go. Tell me what you think about the chicken when you’re done with it?”
You nod. “I’ll be as brutally honest with my review as possible.”
“Just the way I like it,” Woo replies, eyes crinkling with amusement.
When you head back to the library, the person you were sharing a table with looked after your stuff for you while you were gone. You thank her profusely before settling back into your seat, grabbing the takeout packages from the paper bag that Woo personally delivered to you.
Before you can start wolfing down the delectable-smelling chicken he brought, however, you notice a cute sticky note plastered on the lid—a doodle of a cat with glasses and a speech bubble that says you can do it~ scribbled on the corner.
Don’t overwork yourself. It’s been ages since my last exam, but I know how hard it can be. Make sure to eat properly so you can absorb all the info you need.
When your head bangs against one of the many wooden tables in the library, the person seated at the far end stares at you with a concerned look. You can’t muster the energy to assure her that everything’s alright, though because…
That quote-unquote crush of yours?
It’s starting to become a little too real.
You’re in the middle of throwing out old files from the back room archive when Mina peeks her head into the doorway and says, “You’ve got a visitor again.”
One glance at the old wall clock hung above the steel cabinets tells you that it’s midnight, but you know for one that this mystery visitor isn’t Woo this time around.
You’ve been keeping in touch with him through Kakao, since you can’t exactly afford to send international text messages to Japan and your new friend(?) has been keeping you posted about his shenanigans for the past week. He hasn’t replied to your last message from over three hours ago and you’re not so delusional to think he got on a plane back to Korea and is suddenly here to surprise you.
When you see who it is, though, your heart warms just a little.
“Why haven’t you been texting me back?” Haewon, your sister who’s two years younger, gets up from the seats lined up across the walls of the lobby. “I missed you!”
You shake your head before pulling her into a hug. “I missed you, she says. But you’re really just looking for someone to show you around the city again, aren’t you?”
“Hey, missing you and needing a chaperone aren’t mutually exclusive,” she huffs and you notice that she’s in full fangirl gear again—a lightstick hanging off a strap slung across her shoulder, a windbreaker with her favorite boyband’s logo sewn on the front pocket, and of course, a photocard of Mingyu dangling from her little handbag.
Despite the fact that she’s also in college, Haewon chose to stay in your hometown in Jeju to pursue her studies there instead. The first few months since you left were the hardest—so unused to not having your little sister go on and on and on about how much she loves SEVENTEEN. But you’ve also come to appreciate the peace and quiet that living alone in Seoul affords you.
Besides, with how much money she’s raised for being one of the more well-known event organizers in her fandom, Haewon can pretty much come visit you in Seoul whenever she feels like it.
“I’m guessing your thirteen boyfriends have a thing going on?” you ask before glancing over at the playroom to make sure there aren’t any kittens left inside.
Haewon nods enthusiastically. “Yup, they’re having a mini fanmeet outside their company building in a few days—”
“In a few days?” you parrot before gesturing for her to follow you in the break room so you can get changed. “What’re you doing out here all dressed up then?”
Your little sister rolls her eyes. “Unnie, I’m not some weirdo who wears their merch on a regular night for no reason. I came from this little cupsleeve event for Wonwoo’s birthday. Things ran a little late because we had to help clean up at the café.”
While you’re not well-versed in fandom jargon, you have learned a few terms from Haewon here and there. Plus, she already took you to a cupsleeve event for another member’s birthday once. You’re not really sure who it was because the only one you do consistently remember is Mingyu—your sister’s ultimate bias, apparently.
“What made you stop by then?” you wonder as you exchanged your work uniform for a loose shirt. “You didn’t tell me you were coming in advance. I could’ve fetched you from the airport.”
“I did tell you in advance.” She pouts. “But you said you were busy working on your manuscript when I did, so it must’ve slipped your mind.”
Oh. Okay, now you feel bad. “Sorry. I’ll make it up to you this weekend with dinner?”
Haewon whines. “Unnie, their fanmeet is on Saturday and I leave on Sunday.”
“So? How long is that going to be anyway?”
“Uh, all day?”
You sigh. “Fine. How about you crash in my place tonight and we can rewatch Hometown Cha Cha Cha while stuffing our faces with ramen?”
“Deal.”
After timing out for the evening, you say goodbye to Mina, who’s just waiting up for your other coworkers who’ll cover the next shift. Haewon talks your ear off about what happened in the event she attended as you both walked back to your apartment and, while only some of the things she’s saying makes sense to you, it’s nice to be in your little sister’s company again.
“Oh, by the way, here.”
You stare at her curiously as she rummages through her bag, handing you a photocard enclosed in a dainty-looking toploader.
“What’s this for?” you ask.
“You told me back then that Wonwoo was your type,” Haewon explains with a grin. “So I did my best in one of the parlor games and won that extremely in-demand photocard just for you.”
You scan the piece of idol merchandise in your hands for a few minutes more—staring at Wonwoo’s face as if waiting for him to speak. You never really understood the appeal of collecting photocards. As long as it makes Haewon happy, you won’t bat an eyelash.
But now she’s giving you one to keep for yourself and the more you stare at the idol printed on the sturdy paper, the more you think that you’ve seen him somewhere.
Then again, Haewon has been talking about these boys since they debuted years ago. The familiarity must’ve stemmed from those numerous fancams and music show performances that she forced you to sit down and watch with her.
“You better take care of him, okay?” Haewon pouts. “If I see him suddenly being sold for a high price, I’m never going to let you live it down.”
“I barely know how the market for this works, so you don’t have to worry about that,” you chuckle before carefully sliding the toploader inside your own bag. “So what ramen are we eating? Shin Ramyun or something else?”
Me [21:17]: btw, when are you coming back again?
Me [21:20]: someone was asking about hani earlier and i feel like you’ve gotta come back here to assert your dominance.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:35]: Shit, sorry. I forgot about the time.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:35]: My friends and I had a birthday celebration at the izakaya near our hotel. It’s been a while since we got to unwind like this.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:36]: Anyway, who’s the funny guy who thought he could have my cat?
Me [02:38]: wow. YOUR cat? 🤨🤨🤨
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:40]: You’re still awake?
Me [02:40]: yeah, my little sister is in seoul and we’re binging our favorite drama
Me [02:41]: how about you? why are You still awake?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:45]: Taking care of drunk friends. Remember Soonyoung?
Me [02:45]: what about him?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:47]: Pleading for forgiveness in the toilet while he retches his guts out.
Me [02:47]: huh. some birthday party. who’s the celebrant anyway?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:47]: Me.
“Whoa. You okay?” Haewon asks when you suddenly lurch forward on the couch, choking on the ramen you were in the middle of slurping.
You thank your sister when she offers you a glass of water and you gulp it down to soothe the burning sensation in your throat. “It’s fine. I just received a surprising text is all.”
“From a boyfriend?” she teases.
You scowl. “No. From a friend. Just a friend.”
“Boo. But you’ll tell me once you land yourself your very own Hong Dusik, right?”
The look on your face only worsens at the reference she’s made to the drama that’s still playing on screen. “I’d actually rather die than have someone like Dusik as a boyfriend. If the whole enemies to lovers thing works with Hyejin, it really won't with me.”
“True, you’ve always been a mellow lover,” Haewon agrees and you roll your eyes. “That’s why Wonwoo would be perfect for you~”
“I think me landing a Hong Dusik-esque boyfriend is more likely than me getting together with a world famous idol but okay.”
You’re momentarily distracted from your conversation when your phone vibrates in your lap again, and— Fuck.
You forgot to reply to Woo.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:55]: Fell asleep on me already?
Me [02:56]: no, no. sorry. my sister was just talking to me.
Me [02:56]: anyway, it’s your BIRTHDAY?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:57]: Hahaha, yes. It’s been a while since I could sit down and actually celebrate it with my friends.
Me [02:58]: is that why you went all the way to japan? for a little birthday getaway?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:58]: Hm… something like that
Me [03:00]: i’ll give you hani’s adoption papers as a gift
Me [03:01]: that or you let ME treat YOU to something nice for a change
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:05]: Well, I’ll be back in Korea this Saturday, but won’t be free until late at night.
Me [03:05]: back to regular programming, huh?
Me [03:06]: we can celebrate later if you’re busy, you know.
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:07]: It’s okay. I wanted to spend time with you anyways.
“You sure that’s just a friend you’re talking to?” Haewon asks with an unimpressed stare as you choke on your instant noodles for the second time. “The only way I’d react like that to a text is if my friend told me one of our professors is fucking his TA despite being married. If that’s the case, you gotta let me in on the juicy details.”
You make a face at her. “Isn’t that way too specific?”
“Isn’t that way too specific?” Haewon mocks. “Whatever you’ve got going on with this friend of yours, promise I’ll be the first to know once you make it official?”
“Haewon!”
For the sake of your own sanity, you only reply to Woo’s message once you’re tucked in bed and Haewon is comfortably dozing on the couch in the living room. She’s a heavy sleeper that passes out quickly after a long day, so you don’t feel particularly worried about your little sister barging into your room when you type out a response.
Me [03:43]: gotcha. just meet me at the shelter after your thing.
Me [03:45]: happy birthday, woo.
You don’t wait for him to type out a reply anymore—eyes drooping into slumber as you let the screen of your phone fade into sleep mode.
Unbeknownst to you, a man who just finished putting his intoxicated friends to bed an ocean away stares at your chat history with a fond smile, heart racing just a few beats faster at the prospect of what awaits him at home.
You’re just about done cleaning up the big dog kennels when Woo drops by on a bright Saturday morning.
The sound of his deep ‘hello’ nearly made you drop all the cleaning utensils you were about to put away. When you turn around to confirm that the shelter’s nighttime regular has indeed switched things up and decided to visit during daylight hours, you’re too busy scowling at him to mind the fact that you’re all gross and sweaty from all the hard labor.
Sure, you texted him about taking up a day shift today, but you definitely didn’t expect him to visit when he just got back to Korea a few hours ago.
Surprisingly, Woo isn’t donned in all black this time around. He’s wearing a gray pullover with some muddled text you can’t quite read with the hood pulled all the way up, concealing the white cap resting on top of his head. Of course, his signature face mask is still in between you and his no doubt handsome countenance, but you’ll take what you can get.
“What’re you doing here?” you ask, a bit breathless before you notice that takeout bag he’s setting down on one of the empty tables. “I thought you’re not gonna be free until tonight.”
“Thought you could use another lunch fix,” he says nonchalantly. “Well that and I wanted to personally give you some cool trinkets from Japan.”
The sentiment makes your heart stir a little, but you end up voicing out a dry laugh before stuffing the shelter’s cleaning paraphernalia inside the broom closet. “Keep doing all these nice things and I’ll start thinking you’re in love with me.”
Woo laughs but does absolutely nothing to deny the allegations.
“Here.” Your brows arch a little when he fishes something from the pocket of his hoodie, handing it to you. “I wasn’t sure which one you’d like so I just got all of them.”
You’re a bit reluctant to receive his gift in your current state—dirty hands, dirty clothes, dirty everything—but Woo doesn’t seem to mind when he drops a small plastic package full of…
“Kitties!” You coo out loud at the assortment of colorful enamel pins inside before gawking at him. “Seriously, Woo, you’re way too nice to me. I’m starting to feel indebted.”
He shakes his head with an adorable laugh. “It’s nothing. I swear. They just reminded me of you when my friends and I passed this one booth at a festival.”
Shit. They reminded him of you?
“So are you finally going to sit down and talk to me about adopting Hani or are you gonna keep skirting around again, mister?” You place a hand on your hip, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction as you tuck his gift safely in the back pocket of your jeans.
“Surprise, I actually came here to do just that. I still have an hour free before I have to go to work,” Woo admits and him mentioning work taps in on your innate curiosity about what he does for a living. “But your coworker said something about rounding up the dogs and putting them back in the kennel?”
Oh. Shit.
As if on cue, Mina—along with a few on shift volunteers—emerge down the hall, all of their hands gripping several leashes as an army of dogs fills the hallway with excited and agitated barking alike.
“Are we good to go?” Mina yells over the noise.
Trying not to look too disappointed that your time with Woo has been cut short, you give Mina a thumbs up before striding off to meet them halfway. You take it upon yourself to take a few of the dogs off one of the volunteers’ hands and he looks at you with withering relief when you do.
“Yep. Everything’s as fresh as a daisy now,” you inform them. “Hope these guys didn’t make too big of a mess up in the front though. That would mean Kino’s turn for cleaning duty came a little early.”
“Hey!” The volunteer in question complains. “I’ve got a date later, noona. Don’t go saying weird stuff like that.”
You’re just about to tease him a little more but you suddenly feel the force of a couple of former strays tugging you forward disappear. That’s when you notice that Woo made his way to your side, guiding the dogs silently as he helps lead the first of them to the kennel.
“Oh, you don’t have to,” you insist but your friend(?) merely shakes his head.
“It’s no big deal,” Woo reassures.
It doesn’t help that this particular hallway is a little cramped. You’re practically standing arm to arm as you all make it to the end. You can practically smell the expensive cologne wafting from his clothes amidst the scent of dog fur that’s starting to permeate the air. When Woo lets out another soft laugh when one of the dogs he has on a leash licks his hand, you know it’s over for you.
It takes about half an hour to settle all fifteen big dogs into their respective cages and by the time it’s over, you’re convinced that you need a shower now more than ever. As Mina and the rest of the volunteers head back to the reception room, you decide to take a break and help yourself to the takeout that Woo personally delivered yet again.
“Thanks for your help. Cleaning day is really one of the toughest days of the month. Especially when we have to clean up the big dog kennels,” you sigh before plopping into an empty seat in the break room.
“Don’t mention it,” he says and you find yourself imagining a smile behind his mask yet again. “I actually have a dog at home, too, so I would now. But she’s definitely more tame than these guys.”
That makes you pause. “Is that why you’re beating around the bush so much about adopting Hani? You think she won’t get along with your dog?”
He hums a little before stuffing his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. “That’s one of the reasons, yes.”
“Well, you won’t know unless you try,” you huff as you unseal the takeout package—the delectable scent of yangnyeom chicken pervading your senses. “Anyway, you’re going to sign the papers this time, right? Right?”
You have a feeling that you’ve finally got him cornered, but before Woo can even formulate a response, a ringtone that definitely isn’t yours starts going off inside the break room.
Your friend(????) answers it with a wistful sigh.
It’s so quiet that you can vaguely make out the voice at the other end of the line saying, “Hyung. Everyone’s looking for you. Where are you?”
You try not to stare at Woo as he takes the call out of pure decency—distracting yourself with your food. But you can’t help but listen in when their conversation is the only thing you can hear at the moment.
“Yeah, I’ll be there soon. Tell everyone I’m sorry for the hold up, Mingyu.”
The moment that name leaves Woo’s mouth, you freeze mid-chew. Did he say Mingyu? Like…the idol that Haewon is downright obsessed with? No… It was probably just someone with the same name. It is pretty common, after all.
When he ends the call, you flash him a tight-lipped smile that manages to conceal your momentary surprise. “Rain check?”
“Rain check,” Woo sighs in agreement.
You nod. “It’s okay. The more you keep delaying Hani’s adoption, the more presents I get from you.”
“And you’re absolutely right about that,” he humors you before reaching out to ruffle your hair. You haven’t even recovered from that little gesture he just did when he asks, “Hope our plans for later are still up though?”
Woo must’ve caught the look on your face with the way he retracts the hand that was just on top of your head to snicker into his palm. “Don’t tell me you forgot. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday, remember?”
Curse you and your habit of making plans at ass o’clock in the morning. You always forget them!
“Uh, it kinda slipped my mind?” you admit sheepishly as you pick at your food. “I ended up going for a day shift ‘cause I have to see my sister off at the airport tomorrow.”
He nods in earnest and it kind of makes you feel bad about your short term memory. “It’s alright. I’ll just drop by some other time to get the paperwork over with. I’ve disturbed you enough as it is.”
“No, it’s fine!”
Your sudden outburst makes Woo look up at you with a confused stare. “Hm?”
“I-I can still meet up with you later,” you stammer and you have to force yourself not to bury your face in your hands out of sheer embarrassment. Pull yourself together, damn. “If you’re not too tired from your plans for the day, of course.”
He mentioned something about having to go to work, and while you can’t imagine what sort of work has to be urgently done on a Saturday, you’ll still respect his time.
Woo blinks for a few seconds, as if still digesting what you just said before his eyes disappear behind his glasses with a soft chuckle. Your brows cinch together, not getting what’s so funny.
“Noted. I’ll come pick you up here later, still? If you’re not comfortable with sharing your address with me yet.”
He’s so thoughtful, you might actually give him all your personal details at this point. But at the end of the day you’re actually a person with a head full of common sense, so you answer him with, “Sure thing. Thanks for going out of your way to come hang out despite how busy you are.”
“No, thank you for always putting up with me,” Woo insists with a shake of his head. “I swear I’m not hassling you with this whole adoption thing on purpose. There’s just…a lot of things to consider on my end. I hope you understand.”
You wave away his concerns with a laugh. “Just keep getting me more of this chicken and we’ll call it quits.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
When Woo sees himself out of the break room, you fumble for the plastic package in the back of your jeans—taking one of the adorable black cat enamels before pinning it in the front pocket of your uniform. You can’t help the smile that creeps up your face when you see your reflection on the small mirror sitting on the table.
How could you be this down bad for someone whose entire face you’ve never even seen before?
Haewon 🪷 [17:20]: Are you suuure you don’t wanna come to the fan meet?
Haewon 🪷 [17:21]: I’ve still got a few extra passes :3c you’d get to see wonwoo in the flesh!
Me [17:30]: why do you want to set me up with wonwoo so badly
Haewon 🪷 [17:31]: Bc we’re sisters? And it’d be cool if we stanned MinWon together?
Me [17:32]: …not even gonna ask you to elaborate on that
Haewon 🪷 [18:00]: Unnie ㅠㅠ
Me [18:00]: why? what’s wrong, hae?
Haewon 🪷[ 18:05]: Mingyu looks sooooo much better than I remember
Haewon 🪷[18:06]: The girlfriend allegations must be true
Haewon 🪷 [18:06]: Only a man in love can smile like that!
Me [18:07]: or: a man who relies on fanservice to get paid?
Haewon 🪷[ 18:08]: RUDE!!!!
Haewon 🪷 [18:08]: Here’s a pic of Wonwoo to shut you up
Haewon 🪷 [18:09]: [Sent an attachment]
Me [18:10]: idk if i should find the fact that you think some kpop guy affects me in any capacity amusing or concerning
Haewon 🪷 [18:11]: !!!! Take that back wtf?? Wonwoo isn’t just ‘some kpop guy’?????
Me [18:10]: sure he isn’t.
Haewon 🪷 [19:45]: Good news!!
Me [19:45]: you’re finally going to get off my back about the whole wonwoo thing?
Haewon 🪷 [19:46]: No ^_^ My Monday final got canceled so I can stay in Seoul for a day more!
Haewon 🪷 [19:46]: Aka you don’t have to wake up early to drag your ass to the airport w me
Me [19:47]: oh. that’s cool. what’re your plans for tomorrow then?
Haewon 🪷 [19:48]: Gonna attend the pre-recording for a music show :3
Me [19:50]: …Haewon i swear to god if you ask me to do what you’re about to ask me to do
Haewon 🪷 [19:50]: Come with me pretty pleaaaase?
Haewon 🪷 [19:51]: I’m using my adorable dongsaeng powers to get you to agree
Me [19:55]: there’s no talking my way out of this, is there?
Haewon 🪷 [19:55]: Nope <3
Me [19:56]: fine. just text me the details. i need to go out soon.
Haewon 🪷 [19:56]: HEHE have fun !!
You weren’t lying when you texted Haewon that you had to go out soon. You agreed that you’d meet up with Woo for his post-birthday celebration at 9 P.M. Hell, you even called a local bakery to have a personalized cake made for pick-up before you head over to the rendezvous point. Everything was already set right from the start.
But then you ended up falling asleep while scrolling through Twitter and now the clock reads 10:45 P.M., and you’re rushing to pull on a ratty sweater instead of the cute outfit you planned for the night as you rush out of your apartment.
Me [10:47]: FUCK IM SORRY
Me [10:47]: i was SUPPOSED to take a five minute nap but i didn’t realize how tired i was
Me [10:48]: are you still up to hang out? i totally get it if not though.
You immediately stuff your phone in the pocket of your jeans—not even bothering to glance at Woo’s reply when it vibrates with a text notification. Your conscience is much too guild-ridden to read any sort of reassurance he’d undoubtedly give to you despite how long you’ve made him wait.
Two hours, jeez. You’d be furious if someone was that late on you.
When you arrive at the shelter after doing a couple of quick detours, you’re panting like you just won first place in a marathon. Needless to say, it’s a pitiful sight to behold when Woo is leaning across his motorcycle—looking much too attractive in that stupid leather jacket of his.
“Is this what the kids call fashionably late these days?” he chuckles.
If you weren’t so apologetic, you would’ve rolled your eyes so instead, you give him a crumpled paper bag with a smile that borders on overcompensating.
“Happy birthday?”
Woo looks like he was just about to say something until a quiet mewl interrupts him midway. You gaze at him with a puzzled look until he stifles a soft laugh, pulling the lapel of his jacket open to reveal—
“Hani?” You scowl.
The black kitten is tucked away snugly in the inner pocket of Woo’s jacket—nearly blending in with the leather. It’s almost as if two pairs of big yellow eyes are staring at you from a void.
“Finally got the papers over with when you fell asleep on me,” Woo chuckles before scratching behind her ears. “So I guess it wasn’t so bad that you made me wait for two hours.”
“Hey, I said I was sorry!”
“Yes, and I heard you,” he insists before peering inside the paper bag you gave him. “What’s this?”
“No peeking until we get to your good old thinking spot,” you scold, smacking his hand away.
A hand that you just noticed is also clad in a leather glove.
He shakes his head playfully before putting his arms up in surrender. “For someone who’s two hours late, you’re pretty demanding.”
“Woo!”
During his last few days in Japan, Woo told you about his favorite thinking spot that’s specifically located beneath Hannam Bridge. There’s an old watchtower that was built before the bridge even existed. I go there when I want to clear my head.
When he said he wanted to bring you there for his belated birthday bash, the ghastly possibility of him turning out to be a serial killer luring you to your doom crossed your mind for half a second before you ended up agreeing anyway.
Now here you are, drowning in the musk of his cologne as you press your cheek against the fabric of his jacket. He’s definitely going past the speed limit with how sharply the wind sings in your ears, but instead of complaining about it, you tighten your arms around his torso—letting the warmth of his body seep into yours.
“It’s not so scary if you don’t think about it too much,” you hear him shout from the front. “Look to your right! This is why I’ve always liked doing late night rides!”
Easy for him to say. He’s brave enough to harbor a kitten inside his jacket and a person who’s never ridden a motorcycle before at a hundred kilometers per hour! But despite how terrified you are of falling off his bike, you do as he says anyways.
When you tilt your gaze in the direction of the Han River, you’re immediately greeted by the dazzling lights that glimmer across the water. You haven’t been to the districts on the other side of the river, but you think you’re content with getting to see them from afar.
With the roar of an engine ringing in your ears. With the summer evening breeze whipping past your face.
With your arms around someone who’s slowly but surely leaving his mark in your life.
“Are you sure this is legal?”
Your companion glances behind him as he makes his way to the aforementioned watch tower—a knapsack full of god-knows-what slung around his shoulder while he carries the paper bag with your “gift” in his free hand. “I’ve never seen a single ‘No Trespassing' sign since I’ve started going here ages ago, so probably.”
“Probably?” you parrot and Hani, who you’ve deigned to carry in your arms after that grueling motorcycle ride, meows as if she’s just as incredulous as you are. “So it’s still possible for us to get arrested?”
“Yeah, but what’s life without a little risk?”
Unbelievable.
Yet, despite the common sense you were oh-so proud of this morning, you still follow him up the winding steps of the watchtower, which is hardly even a watchtower given that it’s a few meters beneath the widest bridge in the city. Woo wasn’t lying about his strange description of it after all.
“Well, here we are,” he announces when the two of you reach the platform on the very top. The edges are lined with metal rails that are beginning to rust with age, but seem sturdy enough to grant you some sense of security—no matter how sparse. “I’ll just set this up. You can go enjoy the view if you want.”
Woo doesn’t even let you get a word in before he unzips his bag and brings out a checkered picnic blanket. He gently lays it across the dusty concrete, smoothing out the fabric before fishing some more stuff inside his gym-bag-turned-picnic-basket. You keep yourself from making any snide comments about his choice of venue because despite the unorthodox location, you actually get why he’d find it peaceful here.
It’s far enough from the freeway that the sound of vehicles rushing through the night can barely reach your ears. If you listen closely enough, you can even hear the water flowing below much more clearly. You close your eyes to get a better feel of the place—imagining a six-foot something guy leaning across the rusty railings as he watches the city lights sparkle across the Han River.
“There we go.”
You startle when you feel Woo’s warm, leather-clad hand on your shoulder—prompting you to turn around and see his handiwork. In the middle of the picnic blanket is something that looks suspiciously like a portable emergency light. How he got his hands on something like that, you’re not entirely sure, so you decide to focus on the other details instead.
Like the two unopened bottles of soju right next to a take-out package of your favorite yangnyeom chicken.
“Didn’t we agree that I was treating you to something this time around?” you grumble as you absentmindedly stroke Hani’s fur.
“We did, but then you overslept and—”
“Okay, fine! Point taken!”
Woo snickers as he hands you the paper bag you brought for the trip. It looks even worse than it was when you ran all the way to the shelter and you can only hope the package inside isn’t completely ruined.
You decide to let Hani down inside the gym bag that Woo left unzipped. Surprisingly, the newly adopted kitten makes a home out of it quickly—curling up into a ball as her tail swishes every now and again. Cute.
“Don’t judge, okay?” You breathe out nervously as you take the plastic container out of the bag. “I had a legit cake custom-made and everything but…yeah. Overslept.”
When Woo doesn’t respond a second too long, your gaze nervously rivets to his face to parse for a reaction. Was he disappointed? Should you have gotten a different design?
The moment you see the dazzled look in his eyes, however, you realize that isn’t the case.
He receives the little cupcake with open arms when you give it to him. It’s chocolate topped with bad fondant icing art, but you didn’t really have a choice. When you spotted it in the convenience store earlier, you grabbed the one that looked most like a kitten and dipped. It’s nice to know that he might actually like it after all.
“Oh and uh, sorry, but I couldn’t bring any candles for you to blow,” you add sheepishly. “You can just make a wish and pretend.”
Woo’s gaze drifts to you for a moment before his eyes crinkle with laughter. “I don’t really have to do that though. My wish has already come true.”
Huh?
To your chagrin, he doesn’t elaborate. Instead, Woo invites you to sit on the picnic blanket—carefully removing his boots so he wouldn’t track dirt all over the food and you follow suit.
You fill the silence with your goings-on for the rest of the day and how exactly you ended up dozing off and he’s kind enough to listen to every word. However, when you ask if he wants to do a toast, he shakes his head.
“I need to drive you back, remember?”
You shoot him a dirty look. “So you took me all the way out here just so I can have two bottles of soju all to myself while you sit there and listen to me talk about my day?”
“...Yes?”
Men are so fucking infuriating sometimes, you can hardly believe it.
“Nope.” You firmly shake your head—plucking the bottle opener he set down on the blanket to pop the caps off. “You’re drinking with me. Just quit driving past the speed limit so we won’t die in a freak accident.”
You immediately notice the stiffness in his shoulders as you shove the bottle of soju in his hands and part of you feels kind of bad for being pushy. For a moment, you allow yourself to scrutinize him for a bit longer. What could possibly be deterring him from drinking after going out of his way to do all this?
That’s when you realize he still has his mask on.
Does he…have issues about people seeing his face?
That would definitely explain why he hasn’t once taken it off in all the times you’ve met him so far. With that in mind, you promptly decide to tell him that okay, he doesn’t have to if he really doesn’t want to, but then Woo is already reaching up to peel the blasted face mask off.
Your chest seizes with panic, hands flying in front of you to keep him from doing something against his will. But the effort is futile because it only takes a second for him to remove and…
Fuck.
Cue the choir of angels because goddamn does this man look like heaven.
Woo shifts somewhat uncomfortably under your stare, as if he’s waiting for you to blow up all over his face or something. But you’re much too mesmerized by too many things to form any sort of response right away.
The sharp cut of his jaw. The gentle curve of his Cupid’s bow. The tinge of red spreading across his cheeks.
“I can’t believe you’ve been gatekeeping yourself from me all this time,” you whisper with a strained laugh—purposely peeling your gaze away for the sake of your own sanity. “I knew you were hot, but…God. I hate you.”
“You…don’t recognize me?”
The question brings you out of your feelings for a moment, making you glance at him with a questioning stare. “Am I supposed to?”
Woo gapes at the question like he didn’t expect that to be your response before shaking his head vigorously.
“N-No. Anyway, you said I was hot but you hate me?”
You narrow your eyes at him before taking your first swig of soju. “Don’t start getting all cocky with me, mister! I’ve got eyes and I can’t help that you’re objectively attractive. Just stating facts here.”
When Woo smiles for the first time without the figurative cockblock that is his signature black face mask and honestly? If you died right now, you’d die happily.
The night presses on in a haze of soju, spicy chicken, and the occasional visit from Hani who uses either of your laps as her personal bed for about five minutes before switching to the other person.
This is the longest you’ve been with Woo and you’re starting to realize that he isn’t much of a talker, which you completely understand. You can’t imagine someone who’s hell-bent on keeping what he looks like a secret for so long being a chatterbox.
“Oh, but you mentioned something to me at the shelter one time,” you pipe up before scooping a forkful of chicken into your mouth.
“Yeah? What is it?” Woo asks softly as he pets Hani’s back.
Feeling just a little bit tipsy from the alcohol, you try not to stare too hard at his handsome face or the way his lip curls at the edges with a tiny smile when Hani purrs from his touch.
“You said Hani reminded you of yourself from before,” you whisper as your gaze drifts to his leather-gloved hands. “Is it okay to ask what you meant by that?”
The sound of the river flowing beneath the watchtower fills your ears as you bask in the silence. It’s a pretty personal question. You’d totally get it if he decides not to answer, but you’re much too curious to keep yourself from asking.
“Well, I wasn’t a stray or anything, but there was a time in my life that I felt so…aimless. I lost someone near and dear to me, and I didn’t know how to deal with it for a very long time.”
Hearing the earnest ring of Woo’s voice, you force yourself to snap out of your subtle inebriation—scooting a little bit closer to him on the blanket to make sure you catch every word.
“I didn’t get into a life-threatening accident like this one did either, but…” He trails off for a moment, stroking the scar that you know runs along Hani’s sternum but has long healed with his fingers.
“I managed to get back on track when the people around me showed me their support. They didn’t leave even if all I wanted was to be left alone. If it weren’t for them, it might’ve taken me even longer to move past what happened. Worse, I might not have moved past it at all.
“When I saw Hani that day, she looked scared of all the other cats. Like she wasn’t ready to let anyone get close to her just yet.” Woo breathes deeply before taking a small sip from his bottle. “I guess I was the same way, too. Healing isn’t linear. Sometimes, when I think I’m all better, one day, I just spiral back to where I started in the next one. That’s…kind of where you fit into the picture, actually.”
The brief pause in his story makes you blink at him, surprised. “Me?”
He nods. “You used to feed the strays in your neighborhood, right? You even had a schedule and everything.”
“That was months ago,” you mutter. “You mean you already knew me back then? Because of that?”
“I…actually live in that area, too.” He clears his throat, that familiar blush settling across his cheeks once again. “I often saw you feeding the strays because that’s usually the time I got back from the cemetery. One day, things got a bit too much and I kind of…broke down in the park instead of just doing that at home.”
He says it like he’s embarrassed and now that he mentioned it, you vaguely remember consoling a stranger during your days before volunteering at the shelter. You don’t recall much of it though—just the memory of awkwardly patting his back before sending him off feeling just a bit better because you saw him smile a little.
Other than that, you’re drawing blanks.
“How exactly did I help you, though? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I wouldn’t say you helped me or anything, but…” Woo pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose while slyly avoiding your eyes. “I distinctly remember you saying something like—”
Hey, it’s just a bad day. Or a bad week. Or a bad month. I don’t know. But it’s not a bad life. It’ll get better soon. I promise.
Fuck. Maybe you do remember.
“It didn’t really mean much to me at the time. Honestly, it kind of pissed me off at first,” Woo admits with a guilty chuckle before taking another sip. “But you were right. Sometimes, things got worse. Other times, it got better. But one day, I realized that I got to a point where it doesn’t hurt as much anymore.
“I’m not usually this open about my problems, but I learned overtime that talking about them makes them less taxing to deal with. Almost like I’m just talking about the weather, you know?” He smiles softly and you swear your heart melts at the sight of it. “And…I also don’t want to be closed off from others anymore. Back then, I mostly just kept everything to myself—bottling it all up until it was just unbearable.”
“Now you’re here spilling your guts out to some random college senior,” you snicker before taking another swig of your soju. You pout when you realize the bottle’s all empty before placing it back on the picnic blanket. “That’s some character development.”
“It really is.”
The silence sets once more and your eyes wander off to the city so close yet so far away. The lights from the skyscrapers glimmer like stars across the calm waters of the Han River and you like to think it compensates for the fact that the sky is blocked out by the bridge stretched far and wide above you.
This isn’t how you imagined your first stargazing date would be like, but it’s a good start.
Although, the moment the idea crosses your mind, you’re quick to jolt at your own thoughts.
This isn’t a date. You’re just celebrating his birthday together. Alone. On a picnic blanket. With one of the loveliest sceneries you’ve laid your eyes on. In a place where he claims that he never once showed to anyone else.
“Hey, is this—”
Your breath hitches in your throat when you turn to look at Woo—only to find his face mere inches from yours.
“What?” he whispers and despite the fact that you’re wearing a sweater, you feel goosebumps rise across the skin of your shoulders.
“Uh.” Fuck. “Is this a date?”
His mouth curves into a smile that you can’t quite get a read on. “It can be what you want it to be.”
“Okay,” you breathe out, suddenly feeling hot all over as his eyes flicker to your lips. “Just so you know, I don’t kiss on the first date.”
When Woo laughs again, it’s a deep-seated noise that makes your insides tingle with an indescribable feeling. You don’t really want to give it a name.
“Okay,” he repeats before pressing his forehead against yours. “We can have our first date next time then.”
Of course the sly fucker dives in for a kiss anyway.
“H-Hey,” you whisper in between, trying not to get too distracted with how plump his lips are as you keep holding him still by his broad shoulders. “You’re going to end up crushing Hani if you d-don’t cut it out!”
Woo sighs against your lips before pulling away regretfully. For a moment, he stares at the sleepy kitten on his lap, gazing around cluelessly after being roused from slumber. His expression softens for a moment as he scoops her up with both hands, settling her down in the comfort of his gym bag. She lets out a satisfied mewl before curling into a ball once more.
“Better?”
You’re not sure if he’s asking you or the cat, but…
“Better,” you whisper before fisting the lapels of his jacket and crushing your lips with his.
You don’t know where you’re pulling all this pent-up frustration from. During the very brief period that you’ve gotten closer to Woo, your general opinion about him never really deviated from he’s cute and he’s hot. Nothing more, nothing less.
Yet here you are, gasping into his mouth as he flattens his tongue against yours. A strong arm hooks around your waist, pressing your bodies infinitesimally closer and your skin is slowly hitting a fever pitch beneath your clothes. Something wild and all-consuming burns in your veins and you channel it into a moan that makes his grip on you grow tighter.
You don’t know how exactly you wound up on top of his lap—knees planted on either side of his hips as he continues devouring you with no intention of leaving anything behind. You can feel the expensive material of his leather gloves when his fingers graze along the hem of your sweater. Your skin tingles like every nerve ending has been set alight and if you weren’t already rendered dizzy by his intoxicating cologne, you’re in for a ride with each second his touch hikes further up your torso.
Woo sighs against your lips before pulling away momentarily—eyes aflame before he removes his fogged up glasses with one hand, tossing them somewhat carelessly on the picnic blanket.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Why was that so hot?
You’re too stunned to even draw a breath as he stares you down without the constant partition of his glasses. Has his gaze always been this sharp? Have those eyes always been transfixed on you?
“This…This wasn’t part of the plan, if you’re wondering.” Woo croons out the words huskily. Like an afterthought he only considered out of concern for you. Cute. “I swear I didn’t have any ulterior motives when—”
You giggle, before pressing a kiss on his nose. Woo’s eyes widen just a fraction.
“What made you cave then?”
The way his Adam’s apple bobs has no right to be that alluring, but it pulls you in anyway. “You looked really cute tonight.”
“Is that all?”
“Um, I thought it was sweet that you still got me a cupcake after you overslept?”
You groan, forehead bumping into the crook of his neck. Jesus Christ, he smells so fucking good. “How long are you going to hold that over my head for?”
You feel the vibrations of his laughter humming against your connected chests and your heart swells as Woo wraps his arms around your frame—pulling you into a firm embrace as the heat that engulfed the both of you slowly simmered into the cool evening air. You can feel him tracing idle shapes along your shoulder blades and the small of your back, and it does nothing to keep you from melting into his touch.
It’s so strange how easily you gave into him. You’ve formally known Woo for about three months and became legitimate friends(?) for less than three weeks. If you told Haewon about this whirlwind romance of yours, she’d hit you upside the head and tell you you’re being way too hasty for a man.
But if it’s a man with a black kitten taking a nap in his gym bag while he kisses you senseless underneath one of Seoul’s busiest freeways, you suppose you can make an exception.
“We should go,” Woo murmurs softly. “You’ve still got to accompany your sister to the airport right?”
“Mmm. Nope. She’s staying a day longer,” you inform him with the same quiet tone, letting your fingers trail up to his hair so you can toy with the strands in your fingertips. “But I do have some more edits to get over with in my final manuscript, so…yeah. We should go.”
Despite wanting nothing but to stay there in Woo’s little safe haven, the two of you manage to miraculously peel yourselves away from each other. Your face is hot the entire time you helped clean up his little picnic setup. When he shuts off the portable emergency light, you squint as you parse your way through the darkness.
You kind of end up tripping on air like a complete idiot, but before you can tumble off the rails and into the river, Woo catches you by the waist—not so different from how he held you ten minutes prior.
“Careful,” he mutters as he lets you go and you can’t help but silently mourn the loss of his touch again. “I don’t want to be accused of being a murderer.”
You snicker as he gently scoops Hani out of the gym bag and back into the spacious compartment in the lapel of his leather jacket. For a sleepy kitten, she’s surprisingly compliant. “I actually thought all this time you were some sort of serial killer trying to lure me to my doom.”
“You thought that but you came with me anyway?”
“Why not? You’re hot.”
That night, you let Woo drive you back home now that he’s more or less beaten the serial killer allegations. You tell him that he doesn’t have to walk you to your apartment, but he insists—saying that he can afford to leave Hani on his bike for a few minutes.
Of course, it ends up with another heated makeout session against your front door. This time, those stupid leather-clad fingers hike high enough on your back to toy with the clasp of your bra while his other hand remains tangled in your hair to pull you impossibly closer.
“I have to go,” he rasps before swiping his tongue along his bottom lip—giving you a sudden itch to sink your teeth into it. “But you’re making it really hard to leave.”
He’s making it really hard to tell him to go home, too, but as much as you want to kiss the night away, you still have some of your wits about you.
You chuckle as you reluctantly extract his wandering hands away from your body. Woo sighs in surrender with a nearly inaudible laugh.
“You already bent my I don’t kiss on the first date rule, genius,” you remind him breathlessly. “Don’t push your luck just yet until we’ve had that so-called first date next time.”
He grins. “So there’s going to be a next time?”
Deciding to keep him on his toes, you bat your eyelashes coquettishly at him. “Only if you want to.”
Woo leans in to press his lips against the corner of your mouth—trying his best to suppress the grin on his face.
“I’ll hold you to it then.”
Despite having lived in Seoul for four years and having a hardcore fangirl for a sister, today’s the first time you’ll be attending the pre-recording session for a music show.
Needless to say, you feel like an outsider amongst the fans armed with all sorts of idol merchandise and dressed in the prettiest outfits. Haewon managed to mooch a lightstick off one of her friends for you to use, but despite the fact that you know not a single soul would give two shits about you here, the alienating sensation remains.
“Hey, don’t be too nervous,” your little sister chortles as the marshals usher the crowd into the studio. “All you gotta do is wave that lightstick to the beat. You’ll blend right in, I promise.”
You crack her a nervous smile. Oh, the things you do to make Haewon happy.
It’s a little bit of a blur from there. You squeeze past the throng of fans while simultaneously trying not to lose your sister in the crowd. Some of the staff are handing out photocards that you hear are exclusively given away at this specific broadcast and were worth hundreds of thousands of won. You’re not sure which member Haewon got for you, but knowing your little sister, she must’ve snagged one of Wonwoo’s.
When the two of you are settled in your seats, you take the time to admire the set. You never imagined idol music show stages being this massive in person. In fact, you never really spared an active thought about them. Most of the info you do know about these kinds of things are secondhand accounts from Haewon from all the times she’s been to several broadcasting studios across the city.
“Did you bring the PC I got you last time?” she asks before taking out the broadcast ones out of their plastic package.
You shake your head. “Sorry. That Wonwoo’s sitting in a different bag.”
“Well, at least you haven’t sold him,” your little sister laughs before handing you one of the cards in her hands. “I told the staff to give us Mingyu and Wonwoo, but they gave me Hoshi and Wonwoo. It’s okay though, ‘cause Hoshi’s my bias wrecker anyway.”
Ah. More fandom jargon that you’re just now hearing about.
Just as the staff is starting to do the final preparations on stage, you decide to check out the broadcast PC that Haewon just gave to you. When your eyes land on Wonwoo’s face, however, you suddenly feel your blood freeze in your veins.
You…don’t recognize me?
One of the staff members announces that the boys will be out shortly to begin the pre-recording session but the words are all but muted in your ears.
Because how the hell can you focus on anything else when the face of the man who drove you back home last night—the man who kissed you until you were lightheaded—is plastered on a photocard that could be exchanged for an entire fortune?
This can’t be right, you muse with a scowl—fishing your phone out of your bag as your trembling fingers make haste to open your messaging app. He can’t be the same guy.
Woo 🐈⬛ [09:35]: Good morning, I hope you got enough rest!
Woo 🐈⬛ [09:36]: I have a schedule later this morning so I might be MIA
Me [09:40]: it’s cool. i just woke up actually hahaha
Me [09:40]: i also don’t mind! i’m heading out with my sister in a while too
Me [09:41]: have fun at work(?)
Woo 🐈⬛ [09:45]: Haha I will :) Have fun with your sister!
With a deep breath, you lock your phone just as the lights start to dim and the crowd cheers their hearts out. Haewon urges you to turn on your lightstick and the part of the studio that’s filled to the brim with an audience is lit up with hundreds of dazzling lights.
You would’ve appreciated the sight if only a certain someone didn’t play you for a fucking fool.
Just as promised, the boys that your little sister has been crazy about since their debut all fill the stage gradually. Some of them greet the fans with wide grins and silly little gestures. The others are a little more reserved with their greetings—all shy smiles and reserved movements.
Like Wonwoo, for example.
After several years of only knowing Mingyu thanks to Haewon, this is the first time you were able to pick out another one of them on stage with ease. Why wouldn’t you be able to recognize him?
He had you pressed up against your front door only a few hours ago.
It all made sense now. The affinity for keeping a face mask on. The late night visits. The fact that he seems to make an exorbitant amount of money from a job he doesn’t want to disclose.
Woo is Wonwoo from SEVENTEEN.
And he somehow forgot to let you know over the course of your time together.
You try to keep down the frustration that burns in your throat, making you feel like the roof of your mouth is stuffed with cotton. It’s much easier to mask your feelings once the performers all get into position and the music starts. The loud beat blaring from the speakers coupled with the well-practiced fanchants from the audience easily overpower the sound of your hitched breathing. Even Haewon was too engrossed with the performance to notice your distress.
Still, there’s not much you can do about it now. Especially when Wonwoo’s the one who starts up the first verse of their newest song.
He looks so…different from the gentle giant you’ve come to know over the past few weeks. There’s a dangerous look in his eyes that you know is all for show, but it makes your spine tingle at the sight of it nonetheless. The words to the song are raspily sung into the mic and if you weren’t convinced that he and Woo aren’t the same person, you most certainly are now.
After all, it’s his fucking voice that got you so down bad in the first place.
Once his part is done, Wonwoo quickly heads over to the next formation—a complete professional by heart. He belts out each dance move with such perfect precision and you wouldn’t expect any less from an idol who’s spent years honing his talents. But despite how awe-struck you are to see this side of him in person, it just wasn’t enough to completely erase the feeling that you’ve been betrayed.
It stings even more when the song ends and the studio is filled with deafening screams from the audience yet again. For once, Wonwoo’s stoic expression cracks with a handsome grin as he and the rest of his bandmates huddle together and exchange high fives.
That person on stage is both the man you caught feelings for and a stranger at the same time. He easily smiles at the fans the same way he would smile at you, but the difference between Woo and Wonwoo is that only one of them is willing to show this part of his life to the rest of the world.
Did he not trust you enough? Did he think you’d act like some crazy fan if he told you the truth?
You love Haewon. You love your little sister more than anything in the world, but you can’t pretend that things are okay when the man who kept you in the dark is standing right in front of you, clueless of the revelation that occurred to you just now.
“Where are you going?” Haewon calls out when you make your way out of the rows of seats—earning yourself a collection of glares from the other fans in the vicinity. “Unnie, hey!”
The last thing you want to do is ditch her for something you promised you’d see through until the end but you’re just so fucking done. You don’t want to see Wonwoo right now. Or hear him and his stupidly perfect voice through the studio’s sound system.
Right now, you just…want to be alone.
About two weeks after you stormed out of the first and last music show pre-recording you’ll ever attend in your life, things have more or less mellowed out. Sort of.
You’ve been taking fewer and fewer shifts at the shelter as graduation draws ever-so near. But aside from wanting to focus on getting your academic backlogs over with, you also wanted to stay away from the one place that Woo—or should you say Wonwoo—can easily find you and subsequently corner you to talk. Because you don’t want to talk to someone who’s basically been lying to your face the entire time you’ve been friends.
Well, you suppose if you really don’t want to hear even a peep out of him, you should’ve blocked his number altogether. But that’s not really the case.
Your phone buzzes while you’re in the middle of signing off adoption papers to a couple who wanted to adopt one of the shelter cats. You thought it was pretty adorable of them to make that decision since having a pet together is almost as good as having a kid together after all.
Thinking it was from your adviser, you snuck a glance towards the notifications in your homescreen. But when you see a familiar emoji plastered on the sender’s nickname, you’re quick to put it face down on the wooden desk.
Woo 🐈⬛ [09:35]: Good morning. Are you at the shelter today? Can I speak to you?
How he has it in him to keep texting you as if you haven’t given him nothing but radio silence for the past two weeks, you’re not sure. Wonwoo must’ve sensed that something was amiss the moment you stopped replying to him altogether, but he never tried to pester you about what was wrong. Instead, he simply continued sending all those messages to check in on you despite the fact that it’s almost as if he’s talking to a wall.
Well, it’s not like you have time to entertain him now anyways.
“Are you sure she doesn’t have a name yet?” One of your clients—the boyfriend—asks as he smooths down his newly adopted Maine Coon’s fur.
The girlfriend rolls her eyes. “You heard the nice shelter lady, Vern. This one just wouldn’t respond to any name they tried to give her.”
You agree with a half-hearted laugh, trying your best to ignore the guilt that’s perpetually swelling in your heart the longer you ignore Wonwoo’s pleas. “Yup. Our director said she’s got a bit of an attitude, but I think she just has high standards.”
Vern the Boyfriend makes a funny face at that. “So you’re saying that she doesn’t like the names she’s been given so far?”
“Mhmm. We tried Cupcake, Winter, Princess, and Lily, but she liked none of those. Try naming her something fancy. ”
“Chairman Meow?”
“Vern.”
“What? You gotta admit it’s funny, Sohee.”
Sohee the Girlfriend rolls her eyes. “Yes, but it’s an overused pun now! Think of something else.”
“Hmm. How about…Milana?”
“Is that because Seokmin wouldn’t shut up about his trip to Milan?”
“Ugh, yeah. Two months later and he still won’t stop talking about—”
“The gorgonzola he had for dinner the night before he flew back to Korea. I know. You won’t stop talking about it either.”
“Hey, Seokmin-hyung pays great attention to detail when it comes to food. You can’t help but want it, too.”
As you observe the friendly banter between the couple, you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. You don’t come across two people who complement each other as well as they do, and from the curious glint in their newly adopted cat’s eyes, you think she likes being in their company as well.
“Fine, let’s test it out first,” Sohee huffs before scratching behind the Maine Coon’s ears. “We’re going to call you Milana. Does that sound good to you?”
When the cat nuzzles her hand with a pleased meow, Sohee and Vern turn to glance at each other at the same time—two matching smiles plastered on their faces.
God. You can only wish to have what they do.
Once the rest of the documents have been finalized, you and Mina—who just got back from updating the vaccination records for all the animals in the shelter—see your most recent clients off. Vern the Boyfriend, Sohee the Girlfriend, and Milana the Child are off to the streets to start the next chapter of their lives or whatever.
When the door to the front entrance clicks shut, you let out the longest, deepest sigh known to mankind. Your coworker stifles a laugh.
“Looks like someone’s jealous,” Mina comments.
You whine. “How could I not be jealous of that? They’re so in love, it’s sickening. They even got a kid together!”
“You know, you could easily have that too if you just stopped avoiding—”
“Oh, look at the time!” You interrupt her a little too theatrically, stomping off to the direction of the break room. “Gotta go meet my thesis adviser. Kino and the other volunteers should show up in the next hour, though!”
You don’t catch the frustrated look on Mina’s face as you make a hasty retreat, but it doesn’t make you any less guilty about trying to skirt around the topic every chance you get. Mina’s always had your back during these past two weeks. Though you never told her why you’re avoiding your not-so-quote-unquote crush like the plague, she’d always come up with excuses and alibis to throw him off your trail.
Which, coincidentally, happens again just as you’re changing out of your uniform.
“I don’t suppose you’re looking for a sibling for Hani?” you hear Mina sigh from outside.
The person she’s talking to laughs softly. “No. I think you know why I’m here again.”
God. That fucking voice.
“Well, again, she’s not here,” your coworker bluffs. “And uh, word of advice, I get that you’re hot shit and all, but if you keep trying to bother my friend who, for some reason, doesn’t want anything to do with you, I might have to call the authorities.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
That’s a little too different from the typical ‘oh I’m sure she’ll come around one of these days’ spiel that Mina always feeds to Wonwoo every time he visits. Sure, you’re not yet ready to face him yet after everything that’s happened, but it’s not like you want him thrown in jail—
“Uh, right. I get it,” he says awkwardly, clearing his throat in the process. “It’s just that she hasn’t spoken to me in days and I’m a little worried—”
“That’s clearly a sign for you to back off, buddy.” You can almost see Mina with her arms crossed, rolling her eyes. “I’ve been keeping myself from saying anything about it, but I’ve always found it strange how often you visit a goddamn animal shelter. And now that she’s clearly avoiding you, you’re still trying to corner her? Are you a stalker or something?”
Fuck. This isn’t how the conversation is supposed to go!
Mina’s job is to just politely drive Wonwoo away so you can slip out of the building without having to talk to him. But your coworker must’ve misinterpreted your persistent reluctance to meet him as genuine fear and…while you’re glad you have a friend who looks out for you like that, she’s going about all of this the wrong way!
Wonwoo doesn’t speak for a long time and your heart squeezes at the notion that he’s been called all those harsh words when all he wanted to do was talk to you. You didn’t even give him any reasons as to why you suddenly decided to cut him off. But instead of marching out there to face him and clear the air yourself…
You stay hidden in the break room like a fucking coward.
“I understand why you’d assume that, but I don’t have any ill intentions—”
“That's exactly what a guy with ill intentions would say,” Mina scoffs. “Do both of us a favor and just leave, yeah? And stop trying to contact her when she obviously wants nothing to do with you anymore.”
The silence hangs thick from outside and despite being in the break room, you swear you can almost choke on it yourself.
You’re not sure what expression Wonwoo is wearing. Actually, you don’t even know him well enough to know those kinds of things. The most you’ve seen of his face was during that quiet night you spent together two weeks ago and you’ve severed contact with him all because of something that he probably could have explained if only you gave him the chance to.
“Okay,” he whispers so softly, you almost don’t catch it. “Thanks for your time.”
Fortunately, Mina doesn’t try to add any more fuel to the fire. All you hear is the sound of retreating footsteps and the sound of the front door clicking shut.
It’s only when your coworker pokes her head inside the break room that you realize you’ve been holding your breath.
“He’s gone now,” she murmurs with a comforting smile. “And if he doesn’t stop bothering you even after that, I’ll raise the complaint to the director himself. I’m sure he can pull some legal strings to keep that guy out of the area for good.”
You find it kind of ironic that a few minutes ago, Mina was teasing you about him and now things have escalated into restraining order territory. But you can’t really blame her for it.
Especially when you’ve done nothing to clear up the misunderstanding.
“Right. Thanks, Mina.” You manage a thin smile, fingers absentmindedly drifting to the black cat enamel you still pinned to your uniform’s chest pocket.
“I really appreciate it.”
Haewon 🪷 [10:30]: Unnie hiii
Haewon 🪷 [10:33]: Can you call me as soon as you read this? Xoxo
You get to check Haewon’s message three hours late because finally, finally you’ve managed to defend your thesis after innumerable sleepless nights and neverending changes to your manuscript draft. Your panelists and advisers had nothing but praises to sing about your work—even going as far as to promise that your paper will definitely be published in the next volume of the academic journal you’d been secretly hoping it’ll get selected for.
It’s still surreal that the only thing you’ve got left on your university to-do list is to attend the commencement rites scheduled in three weeks’ time. Four grueling years have really just gone by in a flash.
After enjoying one of your last lunch breaks in the quad with some old classmates who’ve also conquered the figurative beast that is their undergrad thesis, you excuse yourself for a while to give your little sister a ring. Haewon picks up on the second ring.
“About time you called,” she huffs. “I thought you were sleeping in the day again.”
You shake your head with a laugh despite the fact that she can’t see the gesture. “No more sleeping in the day for me ‘cause I’m graduating.”
Haewon gasps—loud enough to create static across the line. “Really? Oh my god. That’s good news then! Mom and dad were actually getting worried about you, you know? You’ve been throwing yourself into that stupid thesis of yours for a month now.”
It takes a while for you to formulate a response, something akin to guilt creeping into your heart at the prospect of worrying your parents sick. But then again, what’s done is done. You can catch up on the several hours of sleep and countless brain cells you’ve lost trying to make your final manuscript actually make sense.
“It’s all good now,” you reassure. “All you guys have to do now is fly over to Seoul for my graduation and I can pack my bags and go back to the countryside as soon as I can.”
You half-expect Haewon to laugh off your haste to travel back to your hometown and say something about how you’re better off in the city than this old dump.
But you’re met with silence instead.
“Um,” she starts nervously after a few moments. “I know most of the stuff that’s been stressing you out is gone now, but… Are you sure you’re okay?”
The question makes you swallow thickly. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Unnie, I’m your sister,” Haewon says a-matter-of-factly and you can almost picture her scowling at you. “We both know you’ve been acting really weird ever since the pre-recording. I couldn’t pester you about it ‘cause I had to go back home the next day. And I didn’t want to bother you while you were finishing up your thesis.
“So now that all those obstacles are out of the way, do you mind telling me what’s wrong?”
The sound of the other students milling around the quad rings in your ears as you process Haewon’s words. When you take a deep breath, the exhale is accompanied by defeated laughter.
You’re an idiot to think you could ever escape your little sister’s scrutiny.
“I know you’re going to give me shit if I say it’s nothing you should worry about—”
“You’re right,” she interjects. “I will give you shit.”
“—but it really is nothing you should worry about,” you continue anyway, toying with the hem of your sweater with a wistful sigh. “Long story short, it’s…boy problems. Boy problems that I’ve ignored long enough that they just went away all on their own.”
At the other line, Haewon makes a strangled noise as if that’s not the answer she was expecting. “Come again?”
“Yeah, Hae. Your big sister actually has boy problems,” you chortle. “Weird, right?”
“Yes and you didn’t even bother telling me about it at all?!” She crows angrily. “You have to give me the gist or I’m hanging up and booking the next flight to Seoul.”
For a moment, you hesitate and give yourself a moment to think about what you can and can’t tell Haewon over a phone call when she’s a whole plane ride away from you.
She absolutely cannot know that the boy in question is Wonwoo. You’ll probably spend more time trying to convince her that what you’re saying is true than avoiding a pity party. So instead, you tell her:
“Well, this boy and I had…something good going for us, I think. I like him, you know—really, really like him. But then one day, I found out that he’s been keeping this important thing about himself from me.” A sigh. “Like, I know some stuff is none of my business, but it’s so easy for him to let others know about that…that thing, yet somehow he never bothered to tell me. I couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t trust me enough.”
Surprisingly, Haewon lets out a hum of understanding. “Yeah, that’s kind of a dick move on his part. Did you confront him about it?”
You find yourself tongue-tied for a moment—a bit embarrassed to admit to your little sister that you chose the coward’s way out of this.
“Um, that’s the thing. I kind of ghosted him when I found out,” you tell her sheepishly. “I don’t think he knows the reason why I suddenly just dipped to this day. Haven’t spoken to him in…two months.”
“Uh-huh. So all this time, you’ve been burying your guilt in schoolwork. Is that it?”
The straightforward tone catches you off guard for a second. “That’s not—”
“Unnie,” Haewon calls out firmly, making you close your mouth. “Again, I’m your sister. I know things about you that others don’t—things that you don’t either, probably. And trust me when I say this, but you are not the confrontational type. Don’t worry though because it’s perfectly fine to avoid the things you don’t want to deal with. Especially if you’re dealing with a person that’s more trouble than they’re worth.
“But…you said that you really, really like him. Present tense.” She pauses briefly, as if letting you digest what she’s saying a little better. “If the circumstances were even slightly different, I would’ve cheered you on for ghosting someone who hasn’t been one hundred percent honest with you because, duh? Deserved. But from the way you’ve been coping with what happened, I can’t help but think that avoiding him like this isn’t what you wanted to do at all.”
Haewon’s words flow from the speaker and lance straight through your heart, and you start to wonder when she started sounding so reliable. You’re used to looking out for her even with the distance separating you. But ironically, it’s in your last year of college that your sister effortlessly dissected the dilemma that’s been plaguing you for weeks.
“Look, I think you’ll feel much better about all this if you just talk to him,” she continues when you don’t utter a word in response. “Not that I’m siding with some semi-lying jerk, but maybe he had his reasons for hiding…whatever he was hiding from you? If he gives you a bullshit excuse, then at least the ghosting will finally be justified, right?”
Her frankness makes you snort. “I guess.”
“Good. Now hang up and call him now.”
“...What?”
“You heard me.”
“Haewon, I can’t just call him out of nowhere after ignoring him for so long.”
“Pfft. Of course you can! If he doesn’t answer, then that still justifies the ghosting because he obviously doesn’t want you enough. Men like that don’t deserve you, unnie.”
“...Fine. Point taken.”
You end the call after Haewon makes you swear to keep her posted about the situation and your love life in general from now on. Sighing, you reluctantly scroll through your messaging app—finding a conversation that’s long been buried by more recent texts from other people after he sent his final messages to you.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:35]: It’s been three weeks since you last replied. Hope you’re doing okay.
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:36]: Mina told me that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore but I really don’t understand why because…aren’t we good? Didn’t we have something back there? Or was I just reading you wrong the whole time?
Woo 🐈⬛ [02:55]: Either way, she was right about one thing at least. I’ve probably made you uncomfortable with my texts. Kind of pathetic now that I think about it.
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:01]: I’m sorry for constantly bothering you like this. It’s just that…I want to know what went wrong.
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:05]: It’s getting harder for me to sleep at night knowing I fucked up something that could’ve been the start of something nice. I was already planning our first date, you know?
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:10]: Fuck. Now it just sounds like I’m gaslighting haha.
Woo 🐈⬛ [03:17]: Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. I don’t even know anymore.
Woo 🐈⬛ [04:25]: What I do know is that I miss you. So much.
Woo 🐈⬛ [10:05]: Uh. Sorry about all of that. I had a few drinks and…you know how it goes.
Woo 🐈⬛ [10:12]: I’ll stop texting you for real now.
Woo 🐈⬛ [10:15]: I hope your studies go well. Thank you for being part of my life, no matter how short our time together was.
Fuck.
This is going to be much more difficult than you thought.
You don’t really blame yourself when it takes you a few days to decide whether or not you should call Wonwoo. The choice has been weighing on you like a cloud above your head and you had to decline several invites to go out from your friends because you simply cannot sit still, knowing that you have to do something about…whatever’s going on with the two of you.
Part of you insists on just leaving it as it is. Wonwoo is an idol that’s almost a decade into his career and you’re much too certain that he’s met enough people in his life to deem the loss of your company specifically a big deal. He has his members, his fans, and anything else a person could ever want.
So what if some college senior he doesn’t even know that well just ghosted him out of nowhere?
But even with that logic, you still end up holding your breath before pressing the call button one Tuesday afternoon.
There are a total of five attempts made and all five lead you straight to voicemail—each instance making your heart grow heavier and heavier once the prerecorded message comes to an end. You secretly fear that he must’ve blocked your number altogether. Why wouldn’t he after you’ve wasted his time as much as you did?
Others would’ve considered this as a sign to just give up. The universe is basically telling you that the brief time you shared together would yield nothing more. Wonwoo has his own career to worry about and as do you, now that you’re finally going to be ejected from university and into the life of an unemployed fresh grad. You’re better off not chasing after the things you’ve purposely run away from in the first place.
So why on earth are you looking up the exact address of his company building, making the long commute for the slim chance of running into him against all odds?
The security around the area might look lax but you can spot the assortment of security guards stationed both inside and outside of the company building pretty easily. Given the nature of the business they’re running, it would make sense that they’d put up all possible countermeasures against people who might try to inconvenience their artists in any way.
Not wanting to be branded as a crazed fan, you decide to keep your distance—purposely lingering outside the shopping center just across the street as you brainstorm how exactly you’re going to meet up with Wonwoo.
But as the minutes ticked past, your sense of reason is starting to overpower your desire to clear things up with him. For one, you don’t even know what his schedule looks like. How can you be so sure that he’ll even be there today? Worse, would Wonwoo even want to speak with you after everything? Despite having kept the fact that he’s an idol a secret to you all this time, he has all the right to refuse speaking with you when you never even gave him a chance to explain himself.
The noise of the busy district fades in the background as your eyes fall to Wonwoo’s final text message. You haven’t even thought of texting him since you considered reaching out. But with the fact that your earlier phone calls didn’t go through, you don’t think you can bear seeing your apologetic messages get denied in the very real chance that he’s blacklisted your number altogether.
God. You feel so pathetic.
“Hey, it’s you!”
You immediately blanche at the feeling of someone placing a hand on your shoulder—turning around to see who it is only to be met with the sight of two familiar faces.
“Oh,” you voice out somewhat dumbly. “Miss…Sohee? And Vern?”
The couple who adopted a cat from the shelter flashes you pretty smiles, the two of them carrying grocery bags in each arm. Sohee perks up when you recognize them. “Yup! I didn’t expect to see the nice shelter lady around these parts. What brings you here?”
“Just…stuff.” The laugh you spare them is a little too forced, but if they notice, they don’t comment on it. “How about you guys? How has Milana been?”
“Feels right at home in either of our apartments,” Vern chuckles. “You were right about her having high standards. We always end up doing our grocery shopping here instead of the supermarket near my place ‘cause Lana refuses to eat any of the cheap cat food being sold there.”
Sohee sighs in agreement. “Mhmm. You wouldn’t even think she was a rescue with how high maintenance she is, but we’re idiots that dote on her all the time. It’s just a good thing we work right across the street from here.”
Feeling endeared with how much they spoil their new child aside, the latter part of Sohee’s statement catches your attention for a moment. “Sorry? You work right across the street?”
The moment the words leave your lips, the charming smiles on their faces falter before the couple before you share a look. A brief moment of telepathic communication must’ve occurred between the both of them, as if wordlessly discussing whether they should respond, but in the end Sohee relents.
“Yeah. Vern and I work at HYBE,” she chuckles. “I’m actually surprised you don’t recognize him, since he’s—”
“A very loyal employee that the nice shelter lady can’t possibly recognize,” Vern interjects with a cough into his fist and the immediate reaction makes it easier to put two and two together.
He’s an idol. One hundred percent an idol.
Deciding to play along, you offer up a nod in understanding. “I see. Guess you guys are heading back for the day?”
“Yep. We had one of the other members—uh, I mean, one of our friends look after Milana while we had our grocery run,” Vern explains not-so-smoothly.
“As much as we’d like to stay and chat for a while longer, our baby kind of needs us,” Sohee tells you with an apologetic look. “I hope things at the shelter are running smoothly! We’ve seen how dedicated you guys are to taking care of those poor animals.”
You nod. “Of course. I’ll see you guys around?”
“Anytime!”
You and the beautiful couple exchange quaint bows in farewell before the two of them start walking away. But with each footstep that they take further and further away from you, the itch to run after them and ask what you’ve been dying to when they said they both worked at HYBE grows all the more unbearable.
Cut it out, you mentally hiss at yourself. You can’t bother other people about your issues with Wonwoo. That’s just a whole new low.
You should’ve just gone the opposite direction when the conversation ended. You should’ve just directed yourself to the nearest bus stop back to your apartment—buried all of this in the past where it belongs.
But it’s as if your body has a mind of its own. The next thing you know, you’re sprinting towards Sohee and Vern before they could cross the next intersection—surprising the couple with your sudden re-entry.
“Did you need something?” Sohee asks, accommodating and confused all at once.
Now or never.
“Yes, actually,” you dole out breathlessly, pursing your lips before adding:
“Do you guys know where Wonwoo is?”
Out of all the ways you thought this day could turn out, you never would’ve imagined being in the backseat of one of HYBE’s music producers—breezing through the city’s freeway as she interrogates you about just how exactly you know Jeon Wonwoo.
“So you’re the reason he’s being so off lately,” Sohee chuckles before switching lanes. “Wonwoo’s always been the quiet type, but sometimes you can just tell when there’s a lot on his mind. Isn’t that right, Vernon?”
Vernon, who you come to realize is part of the same group as Wonwoo, glances at you from the rearview mirror with a shake of his head. “I can vouch. Wonwoo-hyung’s been working on sharing stuff with us, but of course there’s still some things he’d like to keep to himself.”
I also don’t want to be closed off from others anymore. Back then, I mostly just kept everything to myself—bottling it all up until it was just unbearable.
Great. Now you feel twice as horrible.
“Honestly, I was kind of scared that you guys would think I’m a sasaeng,” you admit with a dry laugh before settling further into the car’s plush upholstery.
“While we have no reason not to think that with all the weirdos popping up these days,” Sohee starts before her lips curve into a smile, “it just so happens that Soonyoung also can’t keep his mouth shut about Wonwoo’s little crush.”
That makes your face heat up a little. “Soonyoung like…Wonwoo’s friend?”
“You might know him better as Hoshi,” Vernon explains.
Hoshi, Hoshi, Hoshi…
You snap your fingers once you figure it out. “Yeah. He’s my sister’s bias wrecker.”
“Now we learn that your sister is a fan, too? Huh. Small world.”
“Anyway,” Sohee interjects. “The reason why we believed your explanation was because Soonyoung described Wonwoo’s crush as an animal lover. He’s not so much of a blabbermouth that he gave us more details aside from that, but Vernon here told me about how Wonwoo always comes late to their unit meetings because he keeps making all these detours first.”
Vernon stifles a laugh. “I actually found out about the shelter because Coups-hyung insisted that we follow him around to figure out where he’s been going. It didn’t occur to me at the time that his animal lover crush and the nice shelter lady could be the same person.”
At this point, you can honestly get used to being called a nice shelter lady. But that aside, you can’t help but flush even further at all the things being revealed to you right now.
It’s…a lot to unpack.
First, Wonwoo has a crush on you? A complete nobody? Then again, from how often he’s been seeking you out before things went to shit, you could infer that he’s at least a little bit interested from how he kept going out of his way to see you. He’s even late to meetings because of his little visits. This so-called crush was quite obvious, you just don’t like how flustered hearing it out loud makes you feel.
“But then Wonwoo-hyung just started showing up on time to our meetings during our comeback promotions,” Vernon continues. “We were glad we didn’t have to keep waiting for him to start, but…we also noticed that he’s been kind of down lately. The first time it happened, I assumed it was just an off day for him, though now that we met you like this, that’s definitely not the case.”
Wonwoo’s been feeling down? Because of you?
If the roles were reversed, you can say that you’d feel the same if he just stopped talking to you when you thought you were already growing closer. It doesn’t help that the last time you were together, you shared far too many kisses that mere friends should indulge each other with.
You sigh, leaning your head against the headrest.
You’re such an idiot. A selfish, inconsiderate—
“Well, here we are.”
When the car pulls over, you don’t even realize that Sohee already left the freeway and drove into one of the roads overlooking the Han River. You can barely keep yourself from choking on your own breath when you spot a very familiar motorcycle parked in front of the vehicle. It doesn’t help that Sohee pulled over a certain spot underneath the elevated highway that you’re very much certain you’ve already been to once before.
“Hyung doesn’t know that we know about this place. He never brings anyone else here,” Vernon informs you with a small smile. “From the look on your face, we can assume that he’s already brought you here though, right?”
You can’t even deny it at this point. “Yeah…”
Sohee moves to unlock the doors before glancing behind the driver’s seat with an encouraging look. “Well, how about you clear things upso we can start going on double dates and stuff.”
“Sohee,” her boyfriend groans.
“What? I think it’d be a great idea.” She pouts. “We can even rope Nari and Mingyu into tagging along. Then it’ll be a triple date.”
“What she means to say is,” Vernon cuts in before Sohee can get another word out. “No pressure. You go sort out the stuff you need to with Wonwoo-hyung. I’m sure the two of you can make the best decision for each other once you get to talk properly.”
The best decision, huh…
Your new friends watch you with wordless encouragement as you open the door to your left, letting out a long-winded breath so you wouldn’t be too psyched out by the circumstances. You thank them both with a subtle nod as you gather enough courage to see the person you’ve been longing to meet again for a while now.
Now or never, you repeat to yourself before finally stepping out of the car.
Wonwoo’s thinking spot looks much different in the day than it does at night.
You had a pretty hard time navigating the short terrain from the road to the old, weathered steps of the watchtower because of the lack of proper illumination. If it weren’t for Wonwoo guiding you the entire time, you would’ve face planted into the pebbled pathway on the first few steps.
The sun is already setting when you make it to your destination—red orange rays splintering through the high rise buildings on the other side of the river bank. It’s not difficult to spot Wonwoo’s tall figure leaning across the rusty railing of the watchtower, a gentle smile gracing his handsome face as he plays with the growing kitten in his arms.
He doesn’t notice you at the foot of the concrete steps right away, too engrossed with playing with Hani to take in the rest of his surroundings. But the longer you watch them from afar, the more your chest twists with guilt.
All this time, you never really thought about how Wonwoo must’ve been faring since you ghosted him. You merely assumed that he’d still be living his best life despite what happened between the two of you. The thought that he’ll still be better off without you in his life spurred you on to solely focus on the things you’ve got going on your end. You didn’t consider just how your actions would affect him. Not even once.
But now, despite having such an adorable cat to keep him company, it isn’t hard to tell that he’s not in the most stellar of moods.
It’s not like you’ve seen Wonwoo smile a lot when you still knew him as Woo—no thanks to his silly little face masks. But you always liked how his eyes crinkled behind his glasses whenever you said something he finds funny or amusing. The easygoing body language he always seemed to have around you.
There’s none of that now.
“Wonwoo.”
He visibly stiffens at the sound of someone calling his name. Cautiously, Wonwoo tucks Hani closer to his chest—glancing around for anyone who could have infiltrated his safe haven.
When his eyes land on you, you can almost hear his breath hitch from where you’re standing.
Seeing no indication that he doesn’t want you here, you swallow the lump in your throat before climbing up the stairs. Each step you take is familiar yet foreign at the same time and you can hear your heart pounding in your ears the closer you get to him. The startled expression on Wonwoo’s face doesn’t falter even when you’re mere feet in front of him on top of the watchtower—like he’s having a hard time grasping your existence.
Hani, however, doesn’t seem all that fazed. The black kitten mewls in delight at the sight of you, squirming around in Wonwoo’s arms, which seems to snap her owner out of his stupor.
His throat bobs. “You know my name.”
You laugh softly. “It isn’t hard to figure it out when you’re as famous as you are.”
Silence permeates the air by the riverside as Wonwoo processes the words you just told him. He sucks in a breath through his teeth, hands absentmindedly running across Hani’s fur.
“So that’s why,” he chuckles with a shake of his head. “I should’ve known…”
You mirror the gesture somewhat vigorously, your throat closing up from all the things you want to say. He doesn’t deserve to be left hanging all because of that stupid reason alone. He doesn’t deserve those hurtful words from Mina.
Most of all, he doesn’t deserve to feel this shitty all because you were too much of a coward to communicate with him.
“I’m sorry.”
He startles at your apology—obviously not expecting that to be the first thing you say to him after two months of radio silence. “W-Why are you sorry? I should be—”
“It was unfair of me to just ghost you like that when you haven’t explained yourself,” you murmur, tucking your hands behind your back as you stare down at your shoes in shame. “I’m sure you had your reasons for not telling me right away, but… I selfishly thought you didn’t trust me enough to let me know.”
“No,” he quickly clarifies. “It’s not like that at all. I trust you—so much.”
“I know,” you sigh. “It took me a while, but I realized that along the way. The last time we were here, you entrusted me with the story of how you coped with losing someone. You entrusted me with your thoughts, your feelings, your secrets. And I took all that for granted because you didn’t tell me you were an idol.”
Wonwoo falls silent for only a moment as if considering what words to say next. Hani seems to sense his distress, cuddling up to his chest in an attempt to soothe him. He notices what she’s doing right away and Wonwoo scratches behind her ears with a breathless chuckle.
“If it’s any consolation, I didn’t plan on hiding it forever. I knew you would find out eventually—just not as soon as you did,” he murmurs. “It was also unfair of me to take advantage of the fact that you didn’t know me as Wonwoo. But…I wanted to keep my career out of the equation first because it’s nice being treated like a normal person. You never put me on a pedestal or looked at me like I was some sort of god.
“You treated me like I was human.”
This time, you’re the one who’s at a loss for words.
Having Haewon as a sister, you have this preconceived notion about idols where they have the world in the palm of their hands. You thought for the longest time that all they had to do was go up the stage to sing and dance and look beautiful and the rest will follow.
Hearing Wonwoo tell you this easily subverted all those assumptions.
You’ve never been good at telling people the things they need to hear. That’s Haewon’s area of expertise, not yours. So instead of offering up any words of comfort, you quickly close the distance that’s been keeping you apart to throw your arms around his broad shoulders.
Wonwoo freezes up when you pull him into a hug and he loathes the fact that he can’t even reciprocate it given that he has his hands full. It’s kind of adorable how careful you’re being to make sure you don’t accidentally squish Hani between your bodies.
Suddenly, all that heaviness that’s been lingering in his heart for weeks dissipates in a flash. Wonwoo relishes in the feeling of your warmth seeping into his, resting his forehead on your shoulder as he holds back his emotions.
“Can we start over again?” you murmur. “We still haven’t had our first date, right?”
When you feel the sound of his laughter rumbling in his chest, you can’t help the goosebumps that rise across your skin. “Wow. I didn’t expect you to forgive me that fast.”
Pulling away for a moment, you shoot him a dirty look. “Jeon Wonwoo, are you saying I’m easy?”
“Not at all.” Wonwoo grins and you can barely look at him without recoiling at how good he looks.
His hair has grown much longer than you remember and seeing the smile that oh-so easily hooked you in deeper than you already were, you already know that you can’t ever hope to put up a fight.
Not when he’s so love-of-your-life-shaped.
“Since we’re at the point of catching up, I’m actually graduating in three weeks.”
Wonwoo sharply turns to look at you with a scowl as he puts Hani in a little cat backpack he got for her. “Three weeks? Shit… I think we’re going to have a concert at that time.”
You wave away his concern with a smile. “I didn’t mean I was expecting you to show up at the venue, doofus. Can’t have any weird rumors about you going around by attending my graduation.”
“Rumors about what?” he challenges.
“You know.”
“I actually don’t.”
“We just made up ten minutes ago, Do you really want me to bail on you again?”
“Hey, I just thought that if you ever want to spark some dating rumors, we can make it happen any time.”
“We’re not even dating!”
“Not yet.”
“What?”
“It’s just like you said—I still owe you that first date, don’t I?”
“...Have I told you that you’re insufferable?”
“I’m actually surprised you didn’t start calling me that when I kept visiting the shelter too often to be considered normal.”
“That reminds me, why were you visiting the shelter so much?”
When Wonwoo hands you Hani’s cat backpack, you take it as an invitation to hitch a ride on his motorcycle. After all, it would be uncomfortable to have it sitting between the two of you. However, he takes you completely by surprise by answering you with:
“I like you. That’s why.”
It takes you about five whole seconds to recover from what he just said but it’s five seconds too late because Wonwoo is already chuckling to himself as if he deserves to have the last laugh.
“You’re lucky that I like you too,” you mumble as you carefully hop on his ride—sitting comfortably behind him while making sure Hani is strapped securely behind you. “If I didn’t, Mina would’ve made our boss file a restraining order against you.”
Wonwoo hands you a spare helmet before putting on his own, laughing again as he clicks the lock in place. “Dating rumors and stalking rumors? Being with you sounds like such a big hassle now.”
“Are we going on that first date or not?!”
Two months after graduating and four weeks into officially dating Jeon Wonwoo, you find out the real reason he was taking so damn long to make up his mind about adopting Hani.
The landlord doesn’t prohibit pets—he loves them, actually.
His dog, Seol, is a little shy, but she gets along with Hani just fine.
But then his old roommate, Mingyu, dropped by to visit Wonwoo’s apartment one day, sneezing all over the place like it’s pollen season. Except the pollen in question is cat fur and it just so happens that he didn’t bring any of his allergy meds for the trip.
“As much as I want to cuddle on the couch catching up on the Marvel Cinematic Universe with you guys, I gotta go,” Mingyu explains while blowing his nose into a tissue. “I’ll die if I spend even a second longer here.”
Wonwoo throws a piece of popcorn at him. “Didn’t you say that you’re going on a date with Nari?”
“Oh. That, too.”
“If she finds out that you just remembered as an afterthought, she’s going to kill you,” you tease while shoving a handful of your movie snacks into your mouth. “At least, that’s what I’d do if Wonwoo did the same thing.”
“Oh, she will. That’s why neither of you are going to tattle on me,” the beefy idol huffs before tossing the soiled tissue in the trash bin. “Anyway, Wonwoo-hyung, you should totally keep in touch with this pet sitter that Seungcheol-hyung discovered recently. A bunch of other artists leave their pets with her whenever they have tight schedules.”
Your boyfriend merely looks at him with an unimpressed look. “Are you saying that just so I can leave Hani there when you come over to play video games with me?”
“Yes.”
Mingyu leaves shortly after receiving a phone call from his girlfriend, Nari, who sounded nothing short of furious when she asked where on earth he is and why he’s late for their date again. Wonwoo tells you that his best friend has a thing for pissing off Nari just so he has an excuse to do grand gestures for her without his girlfriend complaining about it. You tell him that he should start doing the same too.
“By the way, you’re flying back to Jeju for a while, right?” Wonwoo asks once the credits start rolling in the film playing on his TV—the loose grip he has around your waist tightening ever-so slightly.
You shift your weight on the couch to cuddle closer to him. “Yeah. I haven’t seen my parents and Haewon since I graduated. Plus, I don’t have to start working until next month, so I can afford a last-minute getaway.”
He nods. “I still think it’s funny you haven’t told your sister about me. Are you ashamed of me or something?”
“Quit saying weird stuff, Jeon Wonwoo,” you huff before hitting him in the chest. Damn those firm pecs. “I just want to see the look on her face when she finds out I’m dating the person she ships with Mingyu for fun.”
“And I still can’t believe my future sister-in-law is a Gyuldaengie.”
You try not to think about how he said Haewon is his future in-law. You really do.
Once the last of the end credits pans on-screen, the bonus scene at the end of every Marvel movie starts playing and you can’t help but snort when Eddy gets snapped back to his own universe before he can even pay off his tab to the bartender. Just when you’re about to ask Wonwoo if he wants to watch the next movie, you realize he’s had his eyes on you the entire time.
“What?” you laugh.
“Nothing,” he whispers. “I just thought you were really pretty.”
“Wonwoo, you tell me that every thirty minutes. Don’t you get tired of it?”
You yelp when he abruptly pulls you onto his lap, steadying you by the hips so you wouldn’t accidentally topple to the floor. He flashes you a lazy grin as he traces circles along the curve of your thighs and you can barely suppress a groan when you look down at him.
He might look like some otherworldly creature every time he kills it on stage, but you love this Wonwoo just the same—dressed down with his glasses sitting all crooked on the bridge of his nose, hair falling across his eyes.
“Never,” he says simply.
There’s something oddly sensual about the way he says it and at that moment, you catch on to the half-lidded look in his eyes. You gulp, gaze instinctively wandering around his apartment to look for Hani and Seol, who you spot dozing next to each other in the kitchen.
Now that you’re sure none of the kids are watching, you let out a defeated sigh before lacing your arms around his neck and leaning down to kiss him.
Wonwoo is a guy you caved and kissed before the first date, so it’s pretty natural for the two of you to fall into this degree of intimacy every now and again. His effect on you is especially lethal whenever you spend several days apart because of the nature of his career.
But even if you’re yet to cross that line with your boyfriend, the possibility of it finally coming into fruition becomes more and more real every time his hot tongue slides against yours.
“Won…woo—” you gasp when you feel his cold fingers sneak up your shirt, hands firmly grabbing your waist to keep you in place.
Your boyfriend chuckles and the low vibrations that come from his chest shoot straight to your core. “I know tonight was supposed to be movie night, but you’re making it really hard to keep my hands off of you.”
“That’s what you say all the time,” you groan as he takes your bottom lip between his teeth and tugs. Fuck. “Always blaming me for your lack of self-control.”
“I can’t help it when you’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmurs against your lips before tugging you back down for another heated kiss.
You’ve fooled around with Wonwoo a handful of times and during said times, you’ve gotten an idea of how…into it he gets when pleasuring you. It’s almost as if he delights in seeing you come undone for him even if it’s just with his mouth and fingers.
It’s during those moments that you can’t help but imagine how he would be once the two of you finally take things all the way. But for all your teasing about how he has questionable self-control, Wonwoo has done nothing but respect the boundaries you’ve clearly set when you started dating.
“Fuck,” he rasps when he pulls away briefly, resting his head against the cushions of the sofa as he closes his eyes. “Baby, we’ve gotta stop or else I might just cave and fuck you.”
You simper. “You’re the one who started this.”
“Yeah, and that’s why I’m putting a stop to it before I end up doing something you don’t like!”
You shift around on his lap for a moment and Wonwoo is convinced that you’ll give him some reprieve and get off of him before he loses his mind. But then he realizes you’re grinding your hips against the hard-on he’s sporting in his sweats.
Chuckling to yourself, you pull him by the front of his shirt—pressing a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth before leaning into his ear to whisper:
“What if I want you to fuck me, Woo?”
The deep growl that resonates in his throat sounds so fucking hot, you can feel a gush of slick surge between your thighs. He doesn’t say a word—merely opting to keep his hard stare on yours as he wraps your legs around his waist. You immediately get the gist and hold on tight to him as he carries you out of the living room and into his bedroom.
“I’m giving you a chance to back out again, sweetheart,” he sighs as he kicks the door shut behind him. “Think you can handle it when I get serious about fucking you until you can’t walk?”
The mental image he conjures in your head has you mewling in his arms, prompting you to pepper his neck with sloppy kisses as he gropes your ass like it’s always belonged to him.
“Think you can actually make good on that though?” you challenge with a soft chuckle, grazing your teeth just below his collarbone. You won’t bite—knowing that his stylists will give him hell for it if he shows up to work with hickeys. “We both know you like to talk big sometimes.”
Wonwoo breathes out a condescending chuckle before gently easing you on top of the mattress. You didn’t think it was possible, but you swear you get even wetter when he takes off his glasses and licks his lips at the sight of you.
“Oh, baby, you’re in for a fucking ride.”
That’s how you find yourself with your back pressed against Wonwoo’s insanely sculpted chest—both your mouth and pussy stuffed with his thick fingers as he works you open enough to take his cock. He slides those thick digits in and out of your wet channel, making sure you get used to the stretch all while he muffles your noises at the same time.
Normally, he likes hearing you get whiney and desperate for him, but there’s a charm to seeing you slobber all over his fingers as you clench up around the ones buried in your pussy.
“Fuck, baby. So goddamn tight for me,” he whispers huskily in your ear and the sound of his rough voice layered with the lewd squelch of your cunt makes your insides tingle. “Been thinking about having this pretty pussy all to myself for a while now. You gonna let me have it now, baby? Let me wreck you on my cock?”
Wonwoo easily has the hottest voice you’ve ever heard in your entire life. While you often think about how you can fall asleep happily just listening to him talk about anything under the sun, it’s an entirely different story when he’s spouting all this filth into your ear as he prepares you for an overdue dicking down.
“Yes, please—” You sob pathetically when he takes his fingers out of your mouth, curling your arm behind you so you can blindly grab his hair and mend your lips into a messy kiss. “Wonwoo, I need you so bad.”
“Desperate little thing,” your boyfriend chuckles before withdrawing his fingers from your needy hole. The loss has you writhing in his lap, one hand shooting out to keep him where you want him but Wonwoo coos into your ear as if to pacify you. “Shhh, baby, I need you to come first before I fuck you. You’ll be good for me and let me make you come, right?”
Shit. Who are you to refuse when he propositions you like that?
“I need an answer, sweetheart.”
“I’ll be good,” you gasp almost immediately as your boyfriend starts parting your pussy lips with the hand that was muffling your cute noises. “I’ll be so good for you, please just—”
“Just what, baby?” Wonwoo teases and you nearly cry.
“M-Make me come on your fingers…”
He hums, slick fingers gliding along your slit. “Not if you don’t say—”
“Please,” you whimper before grinding your pussy against his hand. “Wonwoo, I wanna come. Wanna come so bad. Want you to stuff me full of your cock. Want you to—”
It’s almost like he tapped in on every single nerve ending in your body when his dexterous fingers find your clit—rubbing the puffy bud in fast, tight circles as you start twitching in his arms. Wonwoo lets out another evil laugh as he forcibly pries your legs apart. The firmness of his grip leaves you no choice but to thrash around as he builds your orgasm from the ground up, trailing wet kisses along the column of your throat as he teases an orgasm out of you with the sound of his voice coupled with his sinful ministrations.
“So wet and ready for me. Have you thought about taking me inside this sweet little pussy? Do you think you can even fit me when you’re this tight?” he breathes into your ear and you don’t even have the dignity to bite down your moans anymore. “You’re so close, sweetheart. Let yourself go and I’ll give you what you want. I’ll blow your pretty back out over and over until you’re sick of me.”
Never, you want to tell him. I’ll never get sick of you, stupid Wonwoo.
Funnily enough, that silent jab at him is quickly followed by a mind-numbing release. It washes over you like a storm surging into a calm shore—overloading every cell in your body with pleasure until the only thing that comes out of your mouth is a broken rendition of your lover’s name.
Wonwoo talks you through your high because he knows you’ve got a thing for his voice. Knows just how much tighter you get when he whispers filthy words with a sultry sweet tone.
And when he growls, “Good fucking girl,” into your ear, you’re convinced he just made you come again while still riding the waves of your first orgasm.
For all his vigor, Wonwoo is surprisingly patient with you as you recover from what he just put you through. He plants brief kisses all over your neck and face until your breathing finally evens out and you stop seeing stars in the seams of your vision. Your boyfriend offers up a gentle smile when you finally come to—leaning in to kiss your nose.
“You still want more?” he whispers, exercising enough restraint to be revered despite the fact that you can feel his hard, leaking cock pressed against the small of your back.
A soft, somewhat weak laugh makes its way past your lips as you turn around to peck his lips. Wonwoo smiles against your mouth and you can’t help but do the same.
Then, you issue another challenge.
“Do your worst.”
You’re grateful now more than ever that Wonwoo is the easiest person to talk to in the entire world. You can practically count the things that he wouldn’t want to discuss with you on one hand alone.
In other words, you’ve already had the necessary conversations about sex, should you ever have it with him in the future (A.K.A., right now). Wonwoo knows you’ve been on birth control ever since you moved to Seoul all those years ago. He knows that you get yourself tested at least once every month if you can and assures you that he does the same.
On the other hand, you’re well aware that your boyfriend has a thing for coming inside, and now that you’ve gone this far with him, you’ll gladly let Wonwoo make his fantasies a reality.
He only agreed to it once you promised to tell him whenever you feel like he’s going too far or if he’s doing something you don’t like. You swear you would’ve married him on the spot, if it weren’t for that tiny voice in your head that suspiciously sounds like Haewon telling you off for losing it over a man who’s doing the bare minimum.
With those measures in place, you feel safe enough to let Wonwoo press your face down onto the mattress as his free hand grips your ass—fucking into your tight cunt as he tries (and fails) to keep himself from being too rough with you.
He really, really wanted to be gentle, considering it’s your first time to lie together like this. But your unfiltered reactions do nothing but test both his patience and self-control in more ways than one. All his plans on making love to you in good old missionary have been tossed out of the window now that you’ve given him the green light to actually fuck you until you can’t walk.
“Wonwoo,” you moan, fists curling into the sheets as he cants his hips deeper and deeper—the head of his cock hitting spots your own fingers could never hope to reach. “S-So fucking good…”
“Yeah?” he breathes raspily before leaning down to press his chest against your back, wanting to engulf you in the heat of his body until it’s all you’ll ever know. “My pretty baby loves my cock that much? You want me to fuck you all the time now?”
“Uh huh.” You nod before letting out a high pitched keen when he amps up the speed of his thrusts—slamming his hips harder against your ass.
Wonwoo thinks he could really get used to the sight of your pretty pussy sucking him in like this. You’re so greedy—clamping down on him as tightly as you do as you moan his name like it’s the only word in your vocabulary. But how could you not when each vein that runs along the underside of his perfect cock drags so deliciously across your velvet walls? When his balls—hot and heavy and full of enough cum to fill you to the brim—keep clapping against your pussy with each powerful thrust?
It’s the first time that you got to get a taste of what your boyfriend is capable of in bed and you can only imagine every instance that will follow once all’s said and done.
When he feels your walls start to spasm around his length every now and again, Wonwoo presses a sloppy kiss across the cut of your jaw—a hand sliding between your thighs so he can find that little bundle of nerves that made you fall apart only several minutes ago. Your reaction is immediate—crying and squirming below him even when you’re helpless against his massive frame pressing you down into the bed.
“I’m so close, baby,” he groans into your ear, holding out for as long as he can just so he can feel the sensation of you coming around his cock. “You’re almost there, too, aren’t you? My good girl—taking my dick like it’s always been yours. Can you come with me? You can do that for me, right, sweetheart?”
The fondness in his voice strings you even further apart and you’re nothing but a mess of pleasure and delirium as Wonwoo continues his assault on your poor, abused clit. He knows just the right amount of pressure to use and manages to time his thrusts with each delicious pass on that oversensitive bud.
It’s all over before you know it.
You let out a long-winded moan that will definitely earn him a couple of noise complaints from the neighbors but Wonwoo doesn’t have it in him to fucking care at the moment. Not when your walls are clamping down so tightly around his cock—making each stroke all the more tantalizing as your pussy milks him for everything he’s got to give you.
You mindlessly babble a string of I love yous against the sheets, a trail of drool dripping onto the mattress as Wonwoo fucks into you with heightened ferocity. He catches every single word you say and he tilts your head to the side so he can kiss you. Your boyfriend forces your tongue into a dance with his own until his hips stutter and stop—white hot emission surging into your cunt in thick spurts that he hopes would stay inside you for days if he can help himself.
You’re a mess—face painted with a fucked out expression as your pussy leaks with a mixture of yours and Wonwoo’s cum. The mere sight of it is almost enough to make him hard again, but he tells himself that he can take you up on marathon sex next time.
For now, he just wants to clean you up and tuck you back into bed.
“Woo?”
He turns to face you with a questioning look. Your boyfriend just finished with your mandatory aftercare session and is in the middle of making the bed comfortable enough for some post-sex cuddles. “Hmm?”
“You’re still free next week right?” you ask, drawing silly shapes on his chest with your finger once he finally lays down next to you.
“Yeah. I don’t have any major schedules until…” He pauses before conjuring up an imaginary calendar in his mind. “Next month. Why?”
Despite all the debauchery you’ve subjected each other to in a single night, your face still flushes as you consider what you’re about to ask him. Wonwoo smiles at that. Cute.
“How do you feel about flying to Jeju with me so I can introduce you to my family?” you ask shyly, gulping with a nervous laugh. “I totally get it if your management won’t allow it though. It’s hard to keep the media off your back when you’re so famous and—”
He doesn’t do this often, but Wonwoo shuts you up with a firm kiss.
“What are you talking about?” he murmurs, caressing your face tenderly. “Of course I want to meet them.”
When your eyes light up at his confirmation, Wonwoo swears that he couldn’t be more in love.
Me [11:23]: hae, i’ve got good news~
Haewon 🪷 [11:24]: You’re bringing Mingyu with you to Jeju so we can get married?
Me [11:26]: very funny
Me [11:26]: not to spoil your delusions or anything but i’m bringing my boyfriend
Haewon 🪷 [11:30]: Omg…
Haewon 🪷 [11:30]: Rudeness aside, is it the same guy from before?
Me [11:31]: yep
Haewon 🪷 [11:32]: AAAAAAAAA
Haewon 🪷 [11:32]: I can’t wait to meet him!
Haewon 🪷 [11:34]: He better be treating you right or I’ll drop kick him off Jusangjeollidae
Me [11:40]: you’ve already met him though~
Haewon 🪷 [11:41]: ?
Haewon 🪷 [11:45]: Unnie, what do you mean…
Haewon 🪷 [12:32]: Hey!!!!
⟢ end notes: if you've made it til the end, congrats! this is the last of the doting on you! series (for now~) and i really hope you enjoyed reading through it as much as i enjoyed writing it!! special thanks to all the friends that read through this for me T T i wouldn't have done it without any of you ueueue and to everyone that has been patiently waiting for me to put up the last installment for the series, thank you for waiting <3 i hope you guys continue to support me with my future work as well!
this is part of the doting on you! series.
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For starters, I have no idea how to do this🤩-
Anyways ajkdsjkd it was such an eventful year! There have been times when I plainly wanted to punch everyone out of existence, there have been moments when the world seemed to beautiful to let go. ;-; All i want to say is, I don't think I'd have made this far in a decent state of mind without this blog. Without all my followers and mutuals and everyone and everything lovely that exists on this hellsite. It's been over one year, ever since I first got this blog, but the friends, creations and memories that I have found here, are simply timeless.
This isn't a milestone celebration or a follow forever. It's a let's-welcome-2022-but-also-mutual-appreciation-post.
Wishing that everyone had a delightful Christmas, and now, I hope all of you could bid 2021 a much needed💀 goodbye, and look forward to a better, kinder, softer 2022. Trust me, the coming year will go just as fast as 2021 did. But hopefully, it'll treat you well. I hope, that anyone who's reading this, knows that you have never been alone. You've always been loved, and I pray that there should be so many amazing things waiting for all of us in 2022. Given the current situation, please do take utmost care of yourselves and let's all wait for the day when we're finally a step closer to being together, in all aspects. Love you guys 3000!💞💞💞
Let me *stands on a podium* start with my personal ramblings now<3
@intokook : ivy my beloved, bestest bestie award goes to you😔😔 i haveN'T KNOWN A MOMENT OF PEACE SINCE I GOT TO KNOW YOU BIT- anyways😔 thank you so much for allll the ramblings in the google doc, for random convos about anything at all, for caring about me every chance that you could, and simply just for being there. never leave this hellsite without telling me or you'll have a parcel called pristine at your doorstep, i love you💕💕
@taechnological : sae!!! you're that one chaotic friend that everyone secretly wants to befriend you know?🥺 your threads and your energy is really something that I endlessly love!! thank you so much for always matching my vibe, and here's to soooo many more crackheaded moments together, i love you💕💕
@gimbapchefs : nat :( i've always adored you from afar, even before we became moots, i just adore you sm :( you're like a soft marshmallow :( thank you for being there for my nutty self and for every other interaction that we've had! you're super cute :( i love you💕💕
@kimtaegis : annie!! i feel like a little fangirl blushing about whenever i interact with you💀 being friends w you is such an honour you don't even know!!! if you ever wanna talk about anythingggg please do hmu :( thank you so much for all the interactions we've had, and i def await so much more, i love you💕💕
@euphhorias : Liv omg😭 we started talking a LOT recently, and i really really couldn't be happier :( you're the elder version of me as i've already said and!! i'll always use the jikook line on you🥺 thank you for making me feel soft, loved and cared for all the freaking time, i love you💕💕
@blonghoonie : Rainie my beloved :( words leave me when it comes you :( you're so so full of love, for everyone, it just makes me so warm inside whenever i see you on my dash, whenever we're talking or spamming asks to each other💀 thank you for loving Pimin so much with me :( please know that i'm always here for you, i love you💕💕
@gentleyoon : Emily! We interact sometimes, but I just want to take this chance to tell you that I absolutely adore you and your presence on my dash! Everything about you screams gentle and loving :( please always be super lovely like this, there couldn't be a more lovelier version of you, i love you💕💕
@minieggukie : Kris hahsjhsk even as i type this, I'm instantly reminded of so many moments of Jimin, that I kinda associate w you :') thank you so much for the lovely set that you made for me on my bday, i still go back to it sm :((( and thank you posting that pic of jimin which i shall continue to reblog for the rest of my life😭😭 thank you for alllll the interactions we've had, you're amazing, i love you💕💕
@bluejaem : Aditi miss ma'am WE HAVE TO INTERACT MORE AND CAUSE CHAOS ON HELLSITE.COM PLEASE :') thank you so much for every other interaction that we've had! def loving jaemin hours 24/7 for you and loving jimin hours 24/7 for me, but let's spare a teeny tiny minute for each other🥴 please always take care of yourself, i love you💕💕
@daech-witless : Parker my boi :( One of my first first friends here!!! Lately I've been kinda busy, so haven't found much time to catch up with you🥺 i hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself🥺 thank you so much for always lifting my mood with your sweet asks, you're the bestie #1💀, i love you💕💕
@i4taee : Pepper my babieeeee!!! Idk what to say, I just fully wholly adore you to bits and pieces and atoms!!! You're an absolute sweetheart, always going about and taking care of people! Bless your loving heart, I'm so so so damn glad to have found you here! Please always spread love this way, and spare lots of it for yourself too!! I love you💕💕
@cherryvmin : Keerthana :(((((( the taehyung to my jimin truly :(((( thank you so much for being such a strong support at any given time, thank you so so much for all the moments we've shared. i wish only the best for you, you're an amazing person and you deserve soooooooooo much!!! I love you💕💕
@stayjimin : Luna!!! For the 3489573985th I miss you!!!!!! You're hug-shaped :( I just cannot ever stop loving you :(( you remind me of jimin more than anyone else :((( i hope you're taking good care of yourself, and i hope that we can interact so much more!! I love you💕💕
@megmargaretmarch : Meg... you're not here lately, but please know that whenever you're back, I'll be waiting just with open arms for you to come and give me a hug :( I reallllllly miss all the chaotic interactions that we had early in the year, and I hope we could go back to it soon. Thank you for making me feel loved when I was lonely. I love you💕💕
@hello-yav : Thanking heavens you decided to send me that anon ask Yav. Else I'd never have the privilege of meeting such a beautiful soul as you. Please always know that you're loved okay? I'm always always here for you. I love you💕💕
@hendeurigf : Lacey! For one, I'm glad I decided to take the step of sending anons to you. IgnorING THE FACT THAT I REVEALED MY IDENTITY accidentally ._. it's been an absolutely amazing thing knowing you :( You're a really sweet person, and you deserve so so many good things. I hope 2022 brings you far more love than 2021, and I hope you can focus on the positive things in life and learn to love yourself. Till then, I'm here for you and I love you💕💕
@diorkoo : Ash!!! I adore you so much!!!!!!! You're one of my strongest supports, always there to cheer for me when things take a shit turn. Please see how self-less you are, it's such a rare and wonderful thing to see!! You don't even know how grateful I am for you :( Please be kinder to yourself, I love you💕💕
@loveonthefloormp3 : Wifey #1 James😔💍 Let's just get married and adopt a cat eh?💀 Then we'll collectively fangirl over Ryujin and Yeji- anyways, thank you for always making my day by mentioning me in cat posts, soft posts, and anything really! Just makes me everything to know that you've thought of me :(( Please maintain touch with me for a loooooooong time, I love you💕💕
@jimeanour : Manny my fellow jm enthusiast🤠 we recently started interacting, buT BUT BUT i feel i can relate to you soooo much in soooooooo many different things!! I'm damn glad we match each other's vibe and I hope to get even more close in the coming year! I love you💕💕
@noceurrealm : âme my love :( you're the most adorable, fluffiest, goofiest little ball of sunshine ever!!! For one, I love talking to you and even if it's just rambling, I'd leave everything to just come to talk to you :((((( Please be kinder to yourself, I love you💕💕
@softhaeshine : Mimi!!!!! Marry me- 🥴 Libra-Sag energy high in the house hasdfkjs I'm so so damn glad that I've found you here! I really want to never ever stop talking to you :( you're an amazing person with such a pretty heart, so full of love, I don't see why anyone would not fall in love w you!!!! Let's interact so much more in the coming year!! I love you💕💕
@imdamnconfused : Kikiiiiiiiii my beloved angel darling lovely sis!!!!!! Let us meet some day PLEASE so I can give you the tightest hug ever!!!! You're one whom I can always always count on, no matter what :( Please always stay goofy like this, sending soooooooo many hugs your way!! I love you💕💕
@liza-empress-of-emojis : Liza!! you give off such positive vibes all the time :( I'm very very proud of you, despite all the hardships in your life, you're still fighting your way through life, and trust me, I respect that so damn much.🦋 Please always take care of yourself and spread love and never change! I love you💕💕
@ackergrr : have to agree I really really missed your memes when you were gone😭 I'm really glad that you're back and continuing with the same cursed head-assery and I'm more than willing to join you<3333 Thank you for leaving me with a light heart and smiles all the time, I love you💕💕
@avizou : Awi!!!!!! I have so much love for you and i'm sorry i don't quite get a chance to show it :( You're elder than me, but you never ever make me feel different in any way. I have so much admiration for you and the amazing things that you post!!! I really hope the universe sends 10x the love to you that you give out, I love you💕💕
@starryjongseong : Oi Pranaya my lil sis ;-; taking this chance to say that I've not found much time to talk to you as of late :( I hope you're doing fine and please know that you're one of the cutest bubbiest sweetest people I know!! I'm always gonna be here if you need to talk, I love you💕💕
@jieunssi : Amal :( It's been a looooong time since we've been moots, and I must agree it's been so lovely knowing you, and interacting with you!! I don't think I've mentioned, but you're quite elder to me, so I look up to you a lot! You're so soft and loving inside-out, I love you💕💕
@parkdiaries-main-deactivated202 : Chae. I'll wait for you for as long as this hellsite exists. I found so much in you. The Chandler to my Joey, the toast to my butter. I love you so damn much. And I miss you so much. I don't know if you've returned and can simply not find me because of my url change, or if you've still not come, but either ways I'll wait. I'll wait for you to return so that I can be your significant bother once again. I'm praying that everything is well w you, I love you💕💕
@thatredwine : Erl!!! It's been next-level amazing being moots w you!! Every single interaction that we've had so far is just so hfdjakhdafsd and screams chaos :') I hope to have so many such amazing moments with you in the coming year! Please remain healthy and happy genuinely, I love you💕💕
@lost-leopard-beanie : Emma darling🥺🥺 you dshjsddsj idk what to say!!! you're so damn sweet and cute and precious and I just want to wrap you in bubble-wrap and keep you for myself and take care of you🥺🥺🥺 please always be confident about what you do, and know that you're loved!! I love you💕💕
@min-boongie : Réka🥺 I relate to you in so many different things, you wouldn't even know :( Who Yoongi is to you, Jimin is to me. Every time you're just mushy rambling about yoon I cannot help but think that it's exactly the way I cry over jimin :( and it gives me so much reassurance to know, that there are soft beloved souls like you on this planet :( I hope you're able to fulfill your priorities in life and that you get the love that you deserve in 2022. I love you💕💕
@yuniixoxo : Yuni!!!! You're the sweetest sweetest sweetesttttttttt person around!! You never fail to put a smile on my face, and I simply cherish you soooooooooooooo much for that!! Thank you for existing, and for being you, I hope you get sooooo much love in 2022! I love you💕💕
@jaefmin : Vidhi/Ara :') I don't think you know, but you're super super cute and always carry around an enthusiastic vibe around you!! I'm so glad to have befriended you here, and I hope that we can get closer in the coming year! I love you💕💕
@stray-kiss : Maluuuu bestie we gotta interact more😔😔 I hope everything's been well with you and I hope you're taking care of yourself :(( you're always so nice and kind to me, thank you so much for every interaction that we've had :(( I love you💕💕
@pyxisadamo : Joy🥺🥺 I get kinda emotional when it's about you idk dhjsjhsd you've been treating me so carefully, showering so much love upon me, I really couldn't be happier :( I'm so so thankful for you, for everything and I really hope that 2022 brings love and happiness to you :(( I hope we can interact more in a few years, anddd I love you💕💕
@pjmsdior : Isabella!!!!! Sweetest person on this planet!!!!!!! You never ever fail to bring happiness to anyone! If there's anyone on this site who's the kindest person I've met, it's literally you. You're no lesser than an angel, you've got so much love to give out and you always place everyone above you. I hope that the universe is always kind to you and I'm sending you the most gigantic jimin-hug ever to thank you for everything!! I love you💕💕
@hobeah : Niki!!! You're a sweetheart is all I can manage to say because!!!!! I adore you sooooooooooooooo much!!! I still remember how madly happy I was when we became moots :( Thank you so so much for being you, for being so lovely, for everything!!!! I love you💕💕
@marvelousbangtan : Crystal<3 I can understand that life is being really hard on you right now. So I'm praying that the universe brings you better things in 2022 and lots of strength to heal from what you're going through. I promise you'll be fine real soon, please take care of yourself, I love you💕💕
@serotaejin : Literally gives me a serotonin rush whenever i interact with you why!!!🥴🦋 You're a reallly sweet amazing nice polite lovely etc etc etc person and I just have sooooooo much love for you!! Thank you for much for being moots w me and loving me i'm so damn grateful :(((( I love you💕💕
@cosyserendipity : Sonja :(( you're such a beautiful and warm person, inside out! All little interactions, sweet asks and mentions and just you being there for me is something that I cherish very very very dearly :( I hope you have an amazinggggggg year ahead, I love you💕💕
@userjiminie : Rafa!!! By god I'm so so thankful to you for alllll the amazing jikook content that you serve! Like I couldn't be more jealous of them😵- hehe dshkjdsf anyways thank you so much for your amazing presence and just always know that you're beloved okay??? I love you💕💕
@marethetic : Mare :(( Idk when you'll see this, but whenever you do, please know that I cherish you so so so damn much. You're my first first real friend online EVER and I'm so damn glad that I decided to post on weverse that day. You replied, we became close, exchanged numbers dude!!! We have to meet one day for I want to give you the tightest hug everrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Thank you for everything, for listening to my ramblings and for always supporting me! You make me feel safe and loved. I hope you have an amazing year ahead!! I love you💕💕
@kithtaehyung : Ryen!!! I'm just so much in awe of you all the damn time!!!!!!! Thank you for the amazing creations that you put out, thank you for supporting my creations and just generally thank you for being such a wonderful person!!! Looking forward to interacting this year!!! I love you💕💕
@psycho-mocha : [extremely late mention because i'm a shithead] Mocha!!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE talking to you :(((( it makes me so damn happy to see your messages in my dms every once in a while, and the random topics that we ramble about- *ahem* anyways, dear light of my life, always keep shining like a pretty little light, and i hope this year treats you just as well!!!! I love you💕💕
Lovingly yours,
Pristine💌
#!!!! edit: i'm gonna change my url soon aksjskj :)#i'm sorry if this is too early/late it's just supposed to come out on 31st or 1st djkhfdkf#aaaand i'll rb this post with the rest of my moots too dumblr has some shit mention limit that idk about😭#andddddddddd this is highly unedited so DONT MIND ANY ERRORS-#sdkjjks i love u guysss#smmmm#happy new year<33333#alsO i hope i didn't repeat anyone adhjdjkhd#mutuals;#mutual appreciation post#with love!#happy new year!#2022#01.01.2022
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Hello! SOS SOS SOS SOS
I remember talking with you about songs in Harry’s playlist (it was for that forrest gump thing) but I am pretty sure you had a post about the song in that playlist?
Or was it the 28 songs in Louis playlist? It could be… Do you remember any other post about the songs in the playlists they shared lately?
AAAAA damned tags!
Thank you thank you
Hi! Yes so I didn't make a post about that playlist the songs on the Forrest Gump OST are in, that's his playlist for Apple music with Zane Lowe / his quarantine playlist of March 2020 (Spotify playlist) (Quarantine playlist which is the same just songs taken out) as a whole although I do have a bunch of thoughts on that. There's a few in this post about there being 3(!) songs that are cOinCiDenTaLly also the soundtrack to 3 steamy Ryan Gosling scenes in 3 different movies like LOL HARRY BRO PIPE UR ASS DOWN gotta love him but obviously that's not all I think there is to that playlist. You can have my messy thoughts somewhat visualised here tho:
It's not much. Basically reoccurring stuff, whether that's just the same artist being in there multiple times or the songs being movie soundtracks... there were more in there that are soundtracks to movies, I mean most more popular songs are one way or another, but some of these were just.... awfully conveniently following a pattern here and/or simply in movies we know he loves, so I didn't mention them but all just the ones where I went ghuh. And then there's just all the thoughts on the individual songs which are too much to go over - I can say it's a lot of hopeless romantic sappiness that's for sure lol. Quite some of these songs have come back in his most recent preshow playlist, which .. I'll come back to.
The other thing about that playlist is in your Forrest Gump post, and let's just leave the other Forrest Gump post as well.
As for other posts about their playlists:
The playlist post you were thinking of is about Louis' playlists, this one (playlist) and this one (playlist) plus Sunflower addition - (and the resulting parallels playlist of those posts combined)... man those posts were one of the first things I wrote on his hellsite and they tire me the fuck out lol. Somewhere between the excessive use of meme-ish pics and whatnot, the insanity that is the point I'm trying to make there, and the amount of people I had to fight to take their reposts off of insta and other platforms I am never glad to see those circulate again skjsksa.. anyway
Got an analysis of Harry's Another Man Mixtape here (and Spotify link) and Bridge Over Troubled Water addition.
Checked their playlists for That Beatles post.
Last, together with @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @swimmingleo @thestylinsons @laurelier we hope to birth a post about his latest preshow playlist (Spotify link) as well soon... we're still kinda rambling in a doc for now. Feel free to voice your thoughts on that one!
Wew. Lotta playlists.
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Oh thank GOD I'm not the only one with Thoughts on Dance Dance Danseur. I watched it week to week and the brainrot only grew stronger!
Oooh, is this in reference to this post? Yeah, Junpei and Luou really give me intense brainrot, and since you were kind enough to give the opportunity to ramble about these two, I will gladly take it.
(By the way, I think you sent me anime asks in the past under a different username and icon? If that's so, hello again and I hope you have been faring well)
Anyway, let's go back to DDD:
One thing that surprised me is that people on Tunglr don't really seem willing to talk about Junpei and Luou's relationship, even though gushing about cute fictional boys being cute together is something of a national sport on this hellsite.
There are SO many things to talk about, but I'll start with Junpei, because his development is the most "in your face".
His first meeting with Luou is straight out of an old romance novel: he sees Luou dancing under the moonlight and can't take his gaze off him. It's so cliché it hurts. But then he quickly discovers that Luou may been an incredible dancer, but he's an unlikeable person. Junpei says "I can't be with friends with this kind of guy!" and then the rest of the season is dedicated to proving him wrong. That's also why Chizuru's words in the last episode hurt so much: Junpei wasn't "playing buddies" or "pretending", he really thought he managed to form a special bond with Luou.
And it sure was a special bond: Luou is the first boy his age that shares his passion and makes him grow that much as person. It's the way Junpei realizes that Luou is "cooler" than he will ever be because he can show his classmates he loves ballet without feeling ashamed. It's the way Junpei is moved to tears by Luou's dance and later says "when you danced at school, it changed my life". It's the way Junpei protects Luou by making himself the centre of attention or a shield.
It's the way Junpei WANTS to learn new things with Luou at Oikawa School and proposes to pick him up every morning and ride home with him every night.
......It's the way Junpei ultimately decides to sacrifice his own happiness (and Miyako's, poor girl) in hope of helping Luou.
Junpei did all of this for a boy he met two months ago. Like, damn. Talk about character development. Why is Tunglr sleeping on this is beyond me.
As for Luou's side of things... it's easy to think he only has negative feelings for Junpei (take a shot everytime Luou looks down on Junpei or call him "monkey" and you're in a coma in five minutes) BUT.... despite everything, there are times where Luou's actions betray him. He clearly values Junpei's opinion and judgement, like when he asks him which Oikawa student were better than him and during the friendly dancing competition with Misaki and Yamato. He also gets to experience the life of an "ordonary" boy with Junpei: for example, eating in a restaurant with other boys his age.
Luou would rather die than admit it, but spending time with Junpei was a good thing for him.
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hello i would personally like to thank you for teaching me to post whatever the fuck i want on this hellsite. when i first came years ago i was super afraid of speaking bc i had shut myself up super tight as a coping mechanism and cared wayy too much abt other ppl's opinions (they couldnt beat me down if i didnt say anything). So i made myself as small as possible & invisible. But i saw ur liveblogging and drabbles abt things going on in your life almost daily and eventually it broke that shell of fear that i built around myself to prevent getting hurt. Now i do original posts a lot more and im relearning letting myself find joy in stuff i was taught was stupid. Anyways, i started this funny but it became serious bc its late at night (and never trust what is thought late at night). Thank you, & have a good time loser 🌟
OMFGGthis is so sweet 😭 Whell except for the part where you called me loserSoo undeserved. but im GLAD i could makeyou feel like this because my favorutie thing in the world about tumblr is coming onto my dash and seeing all my friends talking about their day and its almost like we all have a big communal diary and i think its great... like i can go back in my archive and read up on tiny little things that were making me happy months ago or see what stuff ive overcome and its really really great ^___^ You are allowed to post whatever you want and take up space and overshare (obviously not unsafely) and ramble and chat and spam and if people don't like it they can unfollow. Peace on earth sweetness
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