#anyways sorry for the rant just wanted to share a bit about my art journey

[vithcy]

I'm making peace with the fact that I might never have a career in art. Even if illustration is the thing I'm most passionate about, I know my art style isn't very commercial, I seem to lack the discipline to build a good portfolio, I struggle way too much with networking and reaching out and there's the geography factor where every opportunity that I might be a good fit for seems to be an ocean and couple thousand dollars away 🤷🏽‍♂️

And honestly? fuck that, I'm enjoying the way my art is evolving and I think I'll be fine just doing it at my own pace. If a opportunity does come up -but it won't cuz I'm not actively pursuing it- I will definitely make the most of it but for the time being I'll stick to drawing the fictional lil guys that take up my headspace in my free time

[madaraservingcunt]

Hi.

I'm sorry if my rant is annoying and you don't have to reply if you don't want to.

I just don't seem to dare to draw. I just can't get started I'm too scared of failing even if when I sometimes do, the things don't turn out thaaaat bad but still 😞😓

I'm gonna write something for you under the readmore, it's pretty long so I don't expect a solid response.

My biggest struggle was comparing myself to other artists. It took some soul searching to overcome this. I have some questions for you:

When you think about making art, do you want to make it for other people?

Is this why you worry about failing?

As in, your art is so bad you don't get any recognition, or even worse, possibly mocked for it?

I can relate to all of those questions I just asked you because I worried about them constantly. I mean, a huge part of me getting my iPad was specifically to draw Madara xD

This was the first pic I was happy with.

It took me a while to adapt from traditional art to digital. I spent an entire night just practicing lines. When I got it down, I was SO happy. I drew Madara!!!

Everyone being so excited to have their asks answered encouraged me a lot.

Then I got nervous cause what if I drew something and it sucked and they didn't like it? What if it got zero notes?

It stopped me for a while. I also had some trouble with being reported by anonymous users for silly stuff, and my posts kept getting flagged, so my pictures and memes wouldn't even post. It really bummed me out, so I like the queue take over and stopped paying attention to this blog...

Then, during my artistic slump, I watched Chommang again:

I know it's annoying to be recommended videos to watch, especially if you have a short attention span like I do. But this really changed my perspective. I'll clip the specific parts that resonate with me below:

His basic message is to change the attitude you have about creation. If you see it as a contest, it will be hard to enjoy, especially as a beginner.

The people who post their art here have fine-tuned it for hours. I mean HOURS. Some of the colored digital art on here probably took 6+hrs and a lot of frustration on the artist's end, I'm sure. There are some colored pieces that took me 6hrs. Example:

When I posted stuff like this I got embarrassed cause I have some artists I really admire who follow me and I was like damn...it took me so long to make this and it's NOTHING compared to what they have drawn. But it's not fair to myself or to them to do that...they didn't challenge me. If anything, they encouraged me to get better.

I talked to a couple of artists I admire and every single one of them was so supportive and cool.

ALSO WHY IS IT SO SCARY TO TALK TO THEM.

It feels like talking to a celebrity.

But they're people just like you and me. The only difference is that they are at a different level of experience than you and I are. But I mean, they had to start somewhere, too. Why do you make yourself feel shame for that? It's something you have to overcome if you want to share your art. Is that why you are afraid of trying?

You don't have to post it. I have so many scrapped pics and WIP on ProCreate, yall don't even know lmao.

Try to do one dynamic pose a day. Try to watch ONE Chommang video a week and follow along, if you have a busy schedule. Or if you're depressed and slumped like I was, my best advice is LIMIT YOUR SCREEN TIME. Being online with all your free time is not ideal for someone depressed.

Idk what is going on in your life but if you're too scared to start something cause you're worried you'll fail, that is a journey I cannot walk you through. Sorry this got really long and kinda preachy at the end...

Anyways, I hope this anon reads this and feels a little bit of encouragement!

[queenangst]

1/? Sorry to rant but...I have something to say regarding the comment you got that said "this is okay." I've always really admired creators. I wish had the ability to create, whether art, writing, or otherwise. But I'm 100% consumer through and through. As much time as I've spent in fandom consuming, I've never actually contributed because I just don't have the creative juices for that. But I feel like that makes me so much more appreciative of just how much work goes into what creators put out

into the world. I can't even fathom how people can just sit down in front of a blank canvas and create art, or in front of a blank document and just start writing. Like what. I've read soooo many fics, and of course we all love those gems that are written perfectly. But sometimes you'll read a fic and the grammar is a bit rough. Maybe the plot is a little jumpy or the dialogue is somewhat choppy. Regardless, someone somewhere put a lot of work into it and is deciding to share it because it's something they're proud of. And that's never something we should take for granted. There are no shitty drawings. There are no shitty fics. Everyone starts somewhere. I feel like it's part of the consumers' responsibility to help nuture our budding creators by providing them with love and support. I don't think the "this is okay" comment was meant as an insult, but I think people who leave comments like that should think a little more about the writer's feelings and learn to leave more helpful comments. Sometimes even constructive criticism is appreciated! (Of course, I believe that con crit should always be accompanied by compliments as well). Everyone's different though. I just think personally, as someone who has a lot of trouble creating, if I ever did create and I decided to share it and I got a comment that said "this is okay" I'd be a little disappointed. I'd think yeah, I suck, I know. Anyway sorry to rant I just really love creators and I owe them my happiness.

hi, nonnie. 

first off: this made me really happy to hear, actually! “this is okay” is not a bad comment but not a good one—but honestly, with how far i’ve come and what i’ve experienced of fandom it’s a comment i can brush off easily. but i agree with you!

like i said in my post, i’m not sure how i’d reacted if i’d gotten that comment seven years ago. i think i would have been a bit upset, probably. my reaction would be different seven years ago, and five years ago, and two years ago; and it might be different seven years in the future. 

my first fic was not “good.” it’s not the same quality i write to now, with years of experience and learning under my belt. in fact, it’s not very well written at all (objectively), but i don’t dismiss my younger self’s work or passion. it’s still worth something. it was worth something to me when i wrote it. it’s worth something to me now, even if i never really want to look at that fic these days, because it started something for me. it was a beginning. you’re right. everyone starts somewhere. 

i’ve talked about feedback culture on my blog before. i’ve gotten much worse comments than “this is okay,” which impacted my journey a lot and what i think of comments, and what the lines of what you should and shouldn’t cross. i’ve talked about comments a lot, and my personal experiences. (here’s a post about the worst comment i’ve ever got, more thoughts, more re: negative comments, etc, etc, all in my ‘feedback culture’ tag.) 

even if you don’t like something personally as a consumer, that doesn’t mean that a work is bad or has no value. it has value because someone is sharing their ideas, their view. it has value because it exists. it has value because it means something to someone. to a reader. to a writer. when we talk about “bad” writing or “bad” art, we talk about those in technicalities. and we’re always going to be biased one way or another. but in fandom, in fan spaces, it’s important to support creators. we have to. you don’t have to comment, and we as writers appreciate consumers (because creators and consumers cannot exist without each other), but comments are nice. we share our work because we want to be seen. 

i do want to put in my two cents as a writer re: concrit. this is kind of a culture that’s been shifting recently; and my mindset, like i said, has changed over the years. i liked concrit when i was younger and still learning. i don’t like unsolicited concrit, because honestly i’m at a point where i don’t want to hear about people telling me how i could do things better (this is me personally, because fanfic is something i do in my limited free time for fun, free of charge). but i believe you should ask before you leave any. it’s best that way - people who don’t want it won’t get it, but people who do will. 

but yeah. “this is okay” = not a bad comment, but not exactly encouraging either. while it doesn’t affect me now, this comment could hurt someone else. if you don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say it at all really.

anyway, thank you so much for sharing your viewpoint. from early into fandom i was a creator and a consumer both, but it’s really nice to hear from someone who’s just on the other side. i really, really genuinely appreciate it! i love you consumers as much as you love us creators, and to have your support really does make a difference. 

go out there! support your creators! and support young creators, and new creators, and give them your love—and you will see them grow, and you will see them create, and you will see them happy. 

[peachybeancinema]

Week 1

Exercise

1 film that’s stayed with me and remembered. The Secret Garden, 1993, dir. Agnieszka Holland.

Cinematography wide shots and beautiful establishing shots, opening shot is a lone girl that can’t clothe herself, left in dead centre with lots of space around her, the closeups of hands feels very innocent and intricate- they feel like a soft, innocent female gaze.

Lighting contrast between the stale dark inside and the light garden

Editing not noticed so much

The script, partly cheesy cause it’s about children trying/forced to grow up too fast, and a period like flick

Production design, old timey and frilly, but oh boy their green set designer went OFF 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Tone, lonely and hollow to a slow burn hope

Theme….

theme? Did it speak to me? Yes, the absence of parents- chosen to or not, running around finding wonder, kindness and strength in a garden

How did I feel? Loved and seen- a lost and lonely child that internally begs for love but has an inability to regulate her emotions- Collin too!

What kind of film would I like to be a part of HORROR or like something that can incite hope and make all types of children feel seen

EXERCISE 2

Director that inspires me: Gia Coppola

Resource on their process: ‘everything was trying to reach out to as many people as I could.’ Many of them stayed at Coppola’s mother’s house during filming. “I would drive them home after work and we’d all have dinner,” Coppola says, “It was like camp. I loved it.”

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2014/05/09/gia-coppola-talks-directing-james-francos-palo-alto-and-the-pressures-of-her-last-name-qa/%3foutputType=amp

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.vogue.com/article/gia-coppola-palo-alto-personal-style-and-james-franco/amp

Notes on script:

Does the camera show that she’s dead?

When do we learn that she’s dead- same time as him or before?

Rewrite in program with proper formatting

Week 3…

I was able to get together with a crew member and get the new draft of the script done. I have a bit of trouble understanding sometimes how to properly structure a script after coming from a book writing background, so I was really thankful that she was able to help me understand even better. The feedback from previous classes has centred around its general ‘look’ as a script and whether the viewer is in on knowing that Alexis is dead, and from the strat I’ve wanted the audience to know to further their distaste towards Ross, otherwise the audience could say ‘well hey I missed it, I get why he did’. Her choking will take place on camera, close up, so we can watch her leave us.

Week 4…

Getting ready for the pitch has been a huge mental struggle for me, but I keep holding onto the idea of actually making this film and that definitely gets me into our team meetings on the days it feels impossible. I’m already so happy with the crew and their thoughts and contributions, but it doesn’t kill my anxiety of presenting. I feel like the script is at a good point based on feedback, so when we presented and the main concern was finding a production designer, I felt immediate relief… okay we can tackle that. There is a pressure I’ve found quite uncomfortable so far in my journey in this class, and it’s even after filling the crew roles, a certain student not even in this class has become quite intense in getting involved as camera operator despite that role being VERY explicitly filled. I plan on keeping polite but firm, but god why should I have to?

Week 5…

So… despite the previous week's tiny rant of someone trying to vulture a filled role, our original DOP is now the 1st AD and someone else within our crew has taken on DOP, a choice we were actually all really content with. A search for a production designer continues, but we have to focus on scouting our potential Ross and Alexis. Unfortunately none from the team- including myself, could make it to crewing night, however, another student pitched on our behalf. The main goal is to obviously fill the production designer role, so fingers are crossed in the meantime. There was no class this week so I definitely spent the week taking care of myself and finishing off my slides for the pitch for next week, and I’m pretty happy with my slides and that most in the crew have stuck to the same aesthetic through the slides (minus points for memes).

Week 6…

Pitch week, so I’m ill with anxiety for it, but nonetheless, meds taken, train caught and standing before the panel. After the comments from the panel on how it very obviously pulls away from the serious nature of content, I was pretty bummed I didn’t just quickly delete people’s memes before the pitch. Overall I felt pretty good about how it went, but that’s only because that’s how my crew told me to feel about it. My anxiety was so bad while presenting, that I blacked out. In moments of intense anxiety I will disassociate entirely, I know I spoke, but I know nothing that I said or that was said to me. This is an incredibly frustrating process for me, especially because I have had to rely on my crews memories on the pitch, which definitely doesn’t feel fair. They assure me we are on the right path, and just that we should get a move on with casting. Still no production designer.

Week 7…

Mental health and substance abuse are taking a bad turn this week and it is affecting how easily it is for me to communicate effectively with my crew. I won’t be able to open messages or even show I’m online out of fear of disappointing and giving wrong/no answers. I feel entirely overwhelmed and I can feel myself falling behind. There’s still no production designer and at this point I’m willing to do it because I fear it’ll turn into a shit show anyway. I have been experiencing the worst internet from home and it’s been making getting anything done when I’m finally mentally available, impossible. I’m tired and as much as I love this script, I just want this trimester over.

Week 8…

This week for The Silent Treatment, we’ve been taking a look at Producer Sina’s Starnow casting calls for both roles, as well as looking at AirBnB’s for possible locations, which has lead to playful but extenuating bickering on the dop and producers part over ��apartment or house’, which honestly, it’s quite easy reigning them in when they get a little too passionate. But I’ve actually found their bickering and passionate opinions on options for the film and helping restore my own fight for this film too. We have a few meetings coming up over our discord and we’ve been polishing up our previous presentation slowly.

Week 9…

We’re cutting down through our pickings for actors as well as getting excited over the possibility of taking James Lewis on as production designer. He actually appears to listen and understand quite well and he’s always writing notes in his book for props and decor. I’ve shared my ideas and I’m hoping he can fulfil my needs. This week was a really difficult one for me mentally (big shock and huge surprise) so I’ve actually been trying to make a plan to stay well and that’s by putting together a rehab stay, a huge and terrifying step I’m still not sure I’m going to actually take.

Week 10…

I’ve lost all of myself and my motivation this week. A rehab stay is officially scheduled and I’m afraid and trying so hard to reignite my passion for film and my own words and stories, but I don’t think it is worth it. I know I’ll look back in a week to a few weeks and struggle to understand why I hated my work so much, but I think when you hate you, everything you touch looks disgusting. I’ve been incredibly fortunate for my friends- some on my crew- and I’m INCREDIBLY fortunate for the crew members that don’t really know me from a bar of soap being exceptionally soft and kind with me during my low period. Knowing my team are such lovely people is actually a much better reason to get off my ass and do this- for them- not for me and my silly story…

Week 11…

We finally have short listed actors AND location and now we have those last auditions to wade through. Internally I definitely have decided on my location and actress, but for the male actor I’m not so sure yet. One guy auditioned and while he played it quite well, it was his in between chats that had me slightly off, as he kept feeling the need to drill in that he isn’t ‘this guy’, which of you arent, you don’t feel the need to tell everyone, which is why I’m keen to give another actor a whirl and see where to go from there. My fashion designer friend is still keen to make the scrubs and we’ve all worked out a decent pay for her services- I love bringing friends from other art disciplines into my films, eg placing crazy art from my painter friend, decorating the sets with my friends published books and even my nursing friend belinda wants to give me a bunch of medical supplies to set dress!

Week 12...

Big pitch next week and I’m terrified- how can I actually feel so prepared but terrified. The last male actor to audition BLEW me away and I felt a real chemistry when talking to him between the breaks which means I’m really looking forward to directions BOTH actors, as they’re super lovely and open and very relaxed to speak with! Location is LOCKED and I couldn’t be happier with the pick made! We just keep polishing away at the presentation, and yes, the memes are still coming out of the woodworks...

Week 13…

I'm not angry over the pitch, but I wouldn’t say I left happy… some of the ‘criticisms’ felt so empty and UTTERLY devoid of actual meaning. I mean, and I’m sorry, but this script was the same script written 1 year ago. No changes were made because I didn’t receive criticism through these weeks to do so- sure structure of the actual script itself changed but the scene where he imposes himself in her space was ALWAYS there, and I know the lecturers can have a lot to remember, but DO NOT ever say ‘this part wasn’t always here’ and ‘no I think we would’ve noticed’ had me boiling. It’s important to not talk with so much confidence in these kinds of times, as we all can forget things, but to stand and tell someone what they wrote and didn’t write in front of a crowd of people in higher positions than them, that’s insulting. I’m happy to take the criticisms about that ‘rape implication’ exert VERY easily, but it could have been addressed in week 1. I also do believe that younger lecturers NEED to be in these pitches, as it is a crowd of older people and senses of humour and film are changing and that should be fairly judged by a RANGE of ages.

APA REFERENCING

Gia Coppola talks directing James Franco’s “Palo Alto” and the pressures of her last name (Q&A). (n.d.). Washington Post. Retrieved June 25, 2021, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2014/05/09/gia-coppola-talks-directing-james-francos-palo-alto-and-the-pressures-of-her-last-name-qa/

Nast, C. (2014, April 4). Gia Coppola On Palo Alto, Personal Style, and James Franco. Vogue. https://www.vogue.com/article/gia-coppola-palo-alto-personal-style-and-james-franco--

[franeridart]

are you going to draw more of that lovely erasermic? :o

Unless I find reasons to stop shipping them in the near future, then sure~ as I said, I really like that ship

Anon said:i love it when you draw chris and josh, you should do it more!! Your oc's are great!!

THANK YOU! I’m really really happy to hear you like them! I draw them just as much as I wish to, tho haha

Anon said:THANK YOU FOR BLESSING US WITH MORE CHRIS!!

Anon said:Honestly I love your ocs so much! I like seeing your fanart because you really flesh out characters we don't get enough development of, but I really love seeing your ocs. I can tell you love them and enjoy drawing them just by looking at it, and that makes me love them even more! You're a wonderful artist!

SOB thank you!!!!! holy heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O; I can’t believe how much love my kids get hahaha I’m so so grateful aaahhhh!!!!

Anon said:Okay, so I was just going to tell you how great your comic is (and it is), but I just read your last ask to that anon, and I'm sorry, but deku didn't do nothing to gain his quirk? Like, what? He risked his life and almost killed himself trying to say his exfriend/then bully? That isn't just "being nice"? He didn't know all Might would save him? He risked his life even though he was powerless just to help another person? He earned the quirk, all Might said so in the second episode, like, what?

Since you don’t seem to want a polite and civil exchange of opinions on this, and are actually being incredibly rude here (whether you meant for it or not, I don’t know) I hope you won’t mind me keeping this as short as I can. All Might worked in the beginning of the bnha manga as a textbook definition of a deus ex machina, came around, solved an otherwise unsolvable plot point out of the blue bending the laws that had just been established for that universe, and Deku literally (literally) didn’t have to go through any conscious trial, soul-search or any other self-aware journey with the intention of fixing his own problem. All he did was to be heroic and to be quirkless, which for him are circumstances since those are innate traits of his character. And the only singular thing he has is that he’s quirkless, his heroic personality is shared by all of UA (Mina acted in the exact same way in Kirishima’s backstory as he did to save Bakugou, didn’t get any cool op powers out of it)

All Might was supposed to give OfA to Mirio, the literal most heroic character in bnha, a boy who had been working his ass off to become a proper hero since he was a child, but instead he found a quirkless kid and decided that he deserved a chance to become a hero too. I’m not saying that’s not true, or that Deku didn’t deserve it. I’m saying that he didn’t actively or consciously do anything to gain that power. He simply acted in a way true to his self, and that was it.

I’m gonna have to make present to you that the next time I get an ask with that tone in my inbox I’m blocking you without answering. I’m not here to be called an idiot by the first random stranger I find online, if you want a conversation with me all I’m asking is for you to be polite, that’s not too much at all in my opinion.

Anon said:Your last BakuShima comic was so cute!!! AAAAA!! 💖

Thank you!!! I’m super happy you liked it!!!!!! :O

Anon said:I love you. So much right now. Can I give you a virtual hug because I swear

I dunno what I did to deserve this but SURE *holds u back*

Anon said:do you think you'd ever sell any minajirou merch? (maybe like the one with the flower background) because if you do i would buy 20 (not literally but,, i think you get the point) Sorry if this sounds annoying or anything! im just curious

Not annoying at all!!! If I remember right the one I posted was a bit small tho, I’ll have to see if I can work with the size in a way that would fit the default redbubble dimensions... if I can’t I’ll be sure to make the next one big enough to fit, tho!!!! And thank you for wanting to buy my stuff!!!!! :O

Anon said:I'M NOT THAT ANON BUT I CAN HELP W MOMOJIROUS & yes we totally agree they're fuckin gay and canon there's no doubts here. SO anyway I at least see them liking in each other exactly what you said- they have what the other lacks (or thinks they do), and still find the other to understand them and be interested in them in every sense of the word, also tol and beauty and smol and cute are def the first thoughts about each other, damn maybe I should have thought about word limit I need more space

Awwww anon I thank you for trying to explain to me why they work!!! But that’s not the problem I have with it at all haha I understand the ship on a superficial level perfectly, that’s why I ship it! I just can’t seem to find myself in the relationship anywhere, so empathizing with it comes harder than it does when it’s MinaJirou haha

Anon said:you draw kirishima's eyes so pretty I can't look away from them

THANK YOU Kirishima’s eyes are super pretty in canon, I’m so so happy I can portray that in my style well enough!!!!! :O

Anon said:Ok, sorry for going through ur hq!! tag sjeow, oh gosh I love ur art and ur art style and I love the way I draw the boys !!!! Aaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! Thank u for blessing my night!!!! I hope something makes ur day the way going through ur art *cough* again *cough* made my day!!! (Also a question: what's ur second fave ship from hq!! after bokuroo?? )

MATSUHANA :O and thank you so so so so much for liking my stuff!!!!!!! I hope you’re having a great day today too, anon!!!

Anon said:I love you Fran, but I completely disagree with what you told the last anon about the idea behind bnha. You had me with the positivity concept, and I would also love it if eri could fix mirio and nighteye, but the rest of that was just so far off to me; and probably for many other fans in this community. Like, first, a story does not have to be the level of snk or dgray man to have bad things happen. That is how all story telling has been since the beginning of time.

A good narrative story is never straight sunshine and happiness throughout, even if it doesn't involve death. People don't just enjoy the bad things that happen in a story because it's realistic or because it's sad, they enjoy it because that is how a story and it's characters grow. They make mistakes and learn from them; these moments help the characters change and pushes them forward through every new obstacle. 

 It helps drive them and gives their stories/actions/ideals meaning and gives the audience a reason to care. And that is where I wonder if we are even reading the same story, because this concept is shown throughout the entirety of bnha. It is no where near the "positive-to-a-naive-point" you seem to believe it is. The story starts off with a weak, defenseless deku being beaten by his once best friend?

Like, I really don't want to sound condescending, but I don't understand how you could come to this conclusion. Bakugou has an inferiority complex from hell and suffers constantly from his own inner turmoil, todoroki has an an abusive father with a horrid childhood, iida's brother/idol was paralyzed and almost killed, shigaraki unknowingly killed his parents as a child, toshinori may still be alive, but all might (the hero) is gone to the world forever,

eri was used and experimented on HER ENTIRE LIFE, believing she was a disease to the world and could only cause suffering. I could go on for pages about the suffering these characters have ALREADY gone through- but that is okay, because the story is better for it. Because we as an audience wouldn't have cared nearly as much for deku's gain of one-for-all, if it wasn't for the trials and turmoil he faced his whole life living as a quirkless child;

Bnha is a positive story, but it does not rely solely on positivity to get by. It is a story about determination; to push back against adversity, to go on even in the face of the unknown or impossible; even if fate itself is against you. It's about climbing your mountains and beyond that, dare I say, beyond plus ultra. It's is not trying to adhere to its genre, it's is trying to be everything the genre could be and more, and as succeeded thus far.

Which is why I can understand the disappointment from the last anon, because solving everything through friendship and "hand holding" has become a norm in this genre specifically- and bnha is anything but quick and easy ways out.

Sorry if this is long, and I really hope you don't take this as an attack against you or your opinion. If that is all bnha is to you, and if that is how you perceive the show, who am I to say you are wrong. But I hope you understand what I have said at least, because you still are a huge inspiration to me as an artist and in this community. Hope the rest of your day goes alright.

Alright, first off, if you don’t want to come off as condescending try and maybe don’t be condescending. I’m nearly sure you didn’t do this consciously, considering how you ended the rant, but going “are we even reading the same story” when you supposedly want a civil exchange of opinions is the worst thing you could do ever. You pretty much said “I don’t wanna disregard your opinion but here is a list of reason why you’re wrong and I’m right”, please next time you mean to keep it civil try and avoid that, because that sounds just as bad as you’d assume.

Second, I thank you for the recap of all the tragic backstories bnha gave us, but my answer was about conclusions to arcs, not beginnings. I literally never once said that bnha is a happy-go-lucky story from start to end, I only said it made an habit of reaching for the best possible conclusion it could ever go for by the end of every arc up until now.

“The story starts off with a weak, defenseless deku being beaten by his once best friend”, sure (aside from the “once best friend”, Deku and Bakugou were never friends to begin with, please do reread the second Kacchan vs Deku for Bakugou’s view on their relationship) that’s how the story starts, and it ends with Deku with the strongest quirk on the planet, mentored by his childhood hero, with a civil and friendly rivalry with his childhood bully, on his way to become the number one hero, happy and loved and respected. “”Bakugou has an inferiority complex from hell and suffers constantly from his own inner turmoil” again, sure, and he could have given in to it and become a villain or let his terrible personality just become worse and worse, every single bad thing happened to him could have made him closer to a bad guy or given him good reasons to go against the heroes, and instead he’s working to become better, is loved and cherished, has friends that will build him up and care for him and risk their lives for him, and is actually in a way healthier place than he was in the beginning. “Todoroki has an an abusive father with a horrid childhood” SURE and now he’s got his mother back, he’s learnt to be the bigger person and put distance between himself and his father to instead use him to reach his own goals, is happy and has friends and, again, he’s supported and loved and is in a way happier place than he was in the beginning. “Toshinori may still be alive, but all might (the hero) is gone to the world forever” yes, and in any other manga the reveal would have brought a whole damn lot of drama and people calling him a fraud and turning against him, but instead that scene is the most heartwarming one in the whole manga, the whole world supporting and loving him and yelling his name to cheer him on

I could go on, but I think I made it pretty clear? Every single arc, be it a character arc or a story arc, starts tragic to end up with the most positive outcome you can have for it. There isn’t one arc that has had a tragic conclusion yet. So is it really that weird for me to think it’s believable and not surprising at all that Eri’s story, for however tragic it might have started as, could also have a happy ending? That this manga never tried to present itself as one in which things can and will turn out for the worse?

I’m not even sure exactly what your incredibly long ask was about, man. What were you trying to prove to me? Which part of the answer I gave were you trying to disprove? You just went on about how sad everyone was at the beginning of the manga as if that proved somehow that Horikoshi isn’t actively working to give everyone the happiest future they could have. 

A recap of my answer is: “I personally don’t mind Eri having a fix-it quirk because it fits well in Nighteye’s plot and falls perfectly in line with how every other arc has turned out for the best up until now”

And you came at me with an eight asks long rant that can be summed up in “you’re wrong because people in the beginning of the story were sad”

Listen. I’m always open to conversations about different opinions and takes on a story. But, again, I’m gonna need you to be polite about it and open to an equal exchange. Simply going at the end “I hope you won’t feel attacked” and “have a nice day” isn’t enough if for the rest of the rant you talked to me as if you were assuming I’m an idiot. And I’m actually gonna need you to properly read my answers before trying to follow up with them, next time. Please. I don’t have the time to rephrase my answers sixty times just because people keep answering without actually reading them.

[viscet-sugar-blog]

Thank you <3

Xayah here, hi everyone!

I’d like to give a big hug to everyone who’s been submitting sugar. Its helped a lot of people, in my case especially.

I’ve been meaning to write this for a while, but due to the fact I wasn’t so sure, I’ve waited till now. I have nothing to lose by doing it though, so here we go, long post journey.

I’d like to explain a little. I’ve had a lot of anxiety issues over the course of my life, mainly social anxiety and confrontation issues. I can’t handle problems and confrontation.  People being understanding and supportive has really helped me ignore the hate, realize that not everyone is out to get me, and learn to take care of myself. I used to put on a largely rude and attitude-filled shield against those who said mean things about me, but in the end it just made people I wanted to be friends with scared of me, and thats understandable.

Some past friends had even begun the believe the crap people spewed about me. It wasn’t smart of me to do, but it happened and I won’t dismiss it. I really am sorry to those people and I don’t have any harsh feelings towards any of those people, even the anons. I actually more have a feeling of “why?” , like why would anyone believe that accusing people of such things as I was is anything but abusive, where they could’ve asked questions to get the proof they wanted, etc? Its hard to believe people on the internet, but its worse to accuse them of horrid things than to be neutral.

I’m sorry to everyone is affected, but that isn’t and never has been me. It was the only thing I thought I could do, as I’ve never had much social experience, until people showed me otherwise.

I’ve since dropped that spiny shield and revealed that I’m really a huge softy and extremely timid, I’ve been done protecting myself for a while now. The best of the community seem to do it for me in a way, by reminding me that nothing anyone ever says can hurt me more than myself changing to please them or giving them a reaction.

I’d love to be adored by everyone and never be hated, but I know thats a big dream that can’t come true as there will always be spiteful people trying to learn their way in life who still haven’t gotten the message I have.

The CS community has put me through a lot over my years (since 2010) but only when I joined viscets had I found any real friends or learned any lessons from it. The golden rule applies everywhere, even in our small corner of the internet, despite the people you’ll find here sometimes that are shrouded in hatred and darkness. The light shining off of others makes it worth all of the time I’ve put into it.

Away from the more sappy bit of me, and onto more viscet related than personal; I’ve cried a few times when people have told me they want me to be an artist, just a little :‘T 

It’d be a huge honor, and yes it’s true I do put my all into everything I try to do for viscets, but I still don’t believe I deserve such a position. 

I am often forgetful, I forgot to transfer one of my last guest artist designs which could’ve royally screwed Mint over, I do suffer from depression which involves random bouts of days where I just don’t want to do anything, I often leave my state to go visit my boyfriend for a couple weeks, I have breakdowns some days where no matter what I make I hate it. I can’t even deal with authority, anyone with any sort of leverage over me terrifies me and unless they baby me I feel like they hate me. This is not a request to be treated like a child, this is an explaination that I feel everyone deserves to hear.

Someone with issues and baggage like this isn’t really… reliable.

I just need gentle reminders to get myself going again, sure, but it’d be more of a burden than I can expect people to take on behalf of me. I’m happy to see people enjoy what I do, and I’d love to one day get there, but maybe for now its best if I just occasionally pop in as guest artist, if mint would like to have me again some day.

I would also like to say a big thank you to those who have been having me make customs for them, tenlittlesoldierboys and cyberdragon to name a couple. Not to call you guys out lol, just, I really loved being able to make somethings you two loved, it feels really great to give someone a character they cherish, and being able to practice my designing helps immensely! 

Another thank you to Grifforik, for pming me something lovely and really solidifying how great the community is.

Anyway, I wont be ready until I truly believe I can be part of a team as put-together and organized as viscet staff, and only then, if the staff would be willing to have me join their team. I’m getting there, just not yet, until I prove otherwise to everyone.

There’s a lot about me I can’t possibly fit in a post, overtime people can learn who I am though, so I won’t waste much more of your reading on that topic. Just message me any time, I promise I can be there for you as others have for me. It’d be my honor. 

Thank you all for reading my rant and I just hope this message helps people understand what’s been going on with me and who knows, maybe I’ll get some pms from people who’ve been uneasy about approaching me, I’d love to give anyone a shoulder to lean on when they need it. I’m sorry this was so long! 

Have a great week everyone!

—————————————————————–

this is very important, and very well written Xayah!

firstly, i’d like to address this as a whole for everyone– this blog is meant to be a safe place for anyone as much as it is meant to be a place to share your sugary goodness about others in the Viscet community. any and all ‘rants’ and large posts in general is welcome, and we’ll never turn it down (provided it isn’t malicious or mean). this is a safe place without bias and without hate. if ever anyone feels the need to chat, feel free to pop into our IM as well! one of us is bound to answer, and i know we’d all be pleased to do so!

Xayah, thank you for being open and honest with us here at viscet-sugar, and with all of us as a community!

anxiety is a very frustrating thing, but you’re making all the right steps in order to overcome it, and embrace new and exciting opportunities! personally, i think your art is fantastic. i’ve loved your designs and i can’t wait to see more of them/your art around the community!

words cause more hurt than some people realise– the salt, whether true or falsified, can hurt absolutely anyone and that isn’t what anyone deserves (let alone a big softy like you!). i’m very proud of you for letting your walls fall - feeling claustrophobic and restricted because you’re uncertain what your actions and words will make people think is a very frustrating thing and i suffer from it myself from time to time, but the fact you’re allowing yourself to let others in is very admirable and i think i speak for all the mods when i say I’M PROUD!

reminder for all: everyone makes mistakes. everyone stumbles and trips and falls once in a while. we’re only human! but what makes you a wonderful, good, kind hearted person is the courage to pick yourself up again, see your mistakes and learn from them, apologise where necessary, let the mistakes go and carry on to better yourself. you’ll feel much better about who you are in the long run!

from all of us here at viscet-sugar, we couldn’t be more pleased to hear from you Xayah, and we hope to see you around more often!

have an awesome weekend!

— mod moxie

[nolongertuesday]

[entry] demi-lune soleil

I am just here to pour out a sickening hubbub feeling pulsating inside me. Was triggered by a local webtoon I read to kill time –– I shouldn't have since it is nearing exam week but I couldn't help it, and now I am regretting it as my mind is filled with unwanted flashbacks.

The art is pretty, that is what has initially caught me to click it in the first place. I was entranced by the choice of the colours and the watercolour vibes in the art style. Now that this entry is turning into a review-like thing, I should probably gush about the webtoon "Salty Studio" sometimes –– I really really really like such art styles.

Sorry I am sidetracking a lot, it is probably my inner self trying so hard to avoid coming to this pathetic matter. As I am typing down, I am actually noting how it is hard for me to objectively assess my current mental state.

***

Holy shet! Let's just get to it!

The webtoon is an Indonesian webtoon available on LINE webtoon platform. You could trick the region locator by clicking into webtoons.com/id I think. I haven't checked whether or not this webtoon has been translated into other languages but I would suppose some fans have translated it to English, at the very least.

It's entitled "Matahari 1/2 Lingkar" in the local language, meaning "Semicircular Sun". If I were the cross-border operation director for LINE Webtoon, I would probably suggest a better-sounding translated title like "demi-lune soleil" or "mezzaluna sole" (although some translates mezzaluna as crescent-shaped, so I'm not entirely sure). I took half-moon instead of semicircle because apparently other worldly translations to semicircle sucks (hehe). But I am not confident myself if I am using the correct grammar right there. Anyway...

The story follows Kayra, a graphic designer, 10 plus years later after her first love and first heartbreak. All the while we would be clamouring to support her in her struggle to move on (yes, we would be clamouring and making whale noises).

You might think, 

"10 years already, and still not moving on?!" 

or something along the lines of "what an exaggeratedly dramatic person?!" And perhaps as we follow her in her journey there would be times when you are going to be like "There is a new guy right there, I can't believe she is still in the past?! I can't relate with her," and you'll probably end up remarking 

"I can't deal with this kind of character development."

By the way, I am not making these up, these are practically a summary of some comments to the webtoon. On a side note, I am so glad it is not the opinion of the majority :) Instead, in the most recent chapters, everyone has been cheering for Kay. #goKay

But for those of you who are a little bit more attentive and suspecting, you'd probably would like some background story before jumping into conclusions. For that, thank you very much and here I welcome you our other main character, Arka (pronounced like archa- of archaic).

Just like the name suggests, Arka is was is was like a sunshine to Kay, they shared moments in high school. Arka was there to encourage Kay in her aspirations, Kay was there to stirred a funny yet pleasant feeling in Arka. It was as cute as any high school romance. You'd probably getting flashbacks from reading it like I did.

Anyway, this half-review-half-ranting entry is not supposed to spoil shits for you future fans. But I would guess that webtoon readers' age demographics probably consists of a wide range and I’m not really here to judge what personal interpretation or perspective you are going to take as you read. However, a reminder to future readers is; I want y’all to think as Kay and Arka as you delve further into their stories, conflicts, interactions, and whatever that is. The flashbacks you are getting might be tempting enough for you to compare what you used to have and what is going on in the story.

Coming to my opinion on how the reader should keep in mind as they read this webtoon, I personally feel that most of the readers fail to see why Kay fails to move on after 10+ years. It might be due to the fact that author keeps portraying her worst flashbacks in some chapters which is why in the earlier chapters, before the truth to the past conflicts that keeps haunting Kay was revealed, everyone is hardly able to symphatise towards Kay.

Oh, right! I haven't exactly introduced myself. Hi, I am the owner of this tumblr and the next-door wordpress. I used to be in the same boat as these commenters, despite being a 'Kay' myself.

Yes. I haven't moved on from my first crush in junior high school that transcended to another 2 years in high school because my hometown is too small. At this juncture, it is already entering its eighth year, and I am not typing it down to gush about it (not sure if it is something to brag about anyway).

I personally am sick at Kay's constant self-submission to her thoughts that the reason why things are going down is all her fault. Until I said this out loud,

"but what about myself?"

Then I realised that Kay just has never experienced the closure that she needs to move on. That's why the flashbacks keep replaying, that's why the idea of him never goes away. You, especially if you have graduated from high school or have long expired (lol), might think it has been years, surely there must have been exciting things to have distracted her away.

And the answer is obviously no in her case. You will find a chapter explaining that but in short if you have no closure whatsoever, it is going to weigh your mind for so long, especially for people like Kay. If you are pragmatic enough to let go of the memories of your first love even without closure, good for you then. But for some people, those memories would be etched forever so stickily and it would hinder them until an established label (that is closure, ladies and gentlemen) is plastered onto these memories and translated as "it's okay, let's move on!"

Coming back to me, I would say my case isn't as bad as Kay's. I do not have my fair share of closure to actually be able to completely shut these memories away. But I am still a lot better in getting myself busy or deluding myself into thinking that I have moved on. However, as I think of getting myself to fall in love with someone new, I can't bring myself to do it and I will constantly compare my current situation with the ones I had with him. And that's why I am still triggered if I dream about him in my sleep.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

I do have to clear things up that this feeling is not an expectant feeling towards him, holy shet, dear webtoon commenter, Kay is not expecting that Arka would one day return her feelings or come to love her again. That's unrealistic and that is what you would refer as feeling obsessed. According to the timeline, they are nearing 30 years old, so I would assume that Kay must have ever imagined Arka being in a relationship with someone else. Even I, who is still in its early mint age towards 20, do sometimes wonder if he has already met his significant other. 

I personally feel that Kay is just hesitant to meet someone whom she has had clash with (hey, I am not implying anything here, I am not spoiling anything!), because it is obviously weird and is going to be awkward. Moreover, that guy used to say that he liked you, BUT you have never actually indicated how you feel towards him––just what do you expect her to do? It's heart-wrenching, it's tightening, it's scary, it's just sad. You can even feel the same hesitation in Arka's point of view. Let me spell the reason out to you, if you still don't get it. THEY USED TO BE SPECIAL TO EACH OTHER. Period. If you still cannot relate with it, then I'd say keep yapping because nothing would change even you shouted about it from the top of the cliff.

For something that used to be so wonderful and colourful in your life, something that you had expected to last for a long long time, to be estranged one day just HURTS so badly. And the fact that they haven't come to terms about it, that is just driving-a-screwdriver-to-your-heart. 

"does he still hate me?"

"what would happen if we meet again?"

These are probably some of the common questions asked by people who can't move on.

But there is also an implicit uneasiness lacing these questions. And it is mainly derived from the worry that,

"are we never going back to how we used to be like?"

Because losing someone so important in your life, or having to let go of them due to shit, is so much to take.

I have to add a disclaimer that this assessment might not be an accurate assessment of Kay's actual feelings. I try my best to be as unbiased and objective as possible as I am typing this entry down (not sure if I manage to do that :D)