#anyways its almost night and i am not excited for the 4th because of all the fireworks

[leoullaby]

:)

[sunvoids]

I think we have three gatekeepers. got like different levels of clearance (lvl 1, 2, 3) if I had to compare it to something, or just like an surface, inner and True Gatekeeper(Capitalized for the important..ness. Advanced Gatekeeper lol)

surface gatekeeper is probably the one who's around most, but he-

okay I can't third person talk about myself when I'm Literally Typing, but I'm also typically "flaky as fuck" (not my own words) and generally end up grating against other parts one way or another. But that's either because

1) it's beyond my control

2) can't help being a gatekeeper /j

I'm very likely the one who knows the least out of the three, but it entirely depends on my state as a part that's also fluid in how I'm shaped. I am someone different to certain parts, so it gets convoluted.

anyway, inner gatekeeper is dog shaped. guarding EPs and generally tries to prevent an emotional spaghetti mess from happening, and his gatekeeping role is mainly reserved for when he's not close to front as he's also like... the main part who holds aggressive, impulsive feelings. Hard to explain, everyone becomes affected or provoked differently depending on any given combo of parts present and in what order.

He's the most creature like of all parts, so communication also ends up being mostly non-verbal and ends up expressing by channeling through other parts, which affects in various ways. e.g. trying to do so through another impulsive part might not be the best idea - but it can also present as a lot of excitement or energy to do things

as for our True Gatekeeper....

well to be frank I can't say a lot because I genuinely don't know. He/She lives up to the name. she's generally is not fronting often. either eerily calm or comforting like rain. like a foggy forest or moonlit night with some piano melody playing. that's the vibes, but it's almost impossible to get a read on how he's feeling when interacting with him.

on the account of being the True Gatekeeper, he doesn't communicate too much, but its also because he's mostly intangible so the situation can look like Part Yells At Cloud For Answers and expecting a cloud to do non-cloud things.

also, actually there's a 4th gatekeeper but she's more a part of our True Gatekeeper. last time I checked at least

so that's about it, if you zoom out for the big picture of The Gatekeepers, I'm pretty sure it looks like a forest with some creature in it :p

Curious to spur some discussion, how do gatekeepers in other systems look?

Some general prompt questions that you can answer or ignore.

What do you / they do? Are they able to do something other parts cant? How much of it is a job (as in a task / thing that needs to be done and someone has to do it) versus how much of it is a role (as in a more innate thing that the part is uniquely made for)? How communicative and cooperative are they with the system as a whole? Where do they fall into the structure? Do they front often? How aware of the inner world and real world are they? Do you have multiple gatekeepers or just one? If you have multiple how do they coordinate (if they do)?

These days gatekeeper shit is a large part of my life as a part so I enjoy talking about it and since I've been front more because of gatekeeper shit, I might as well generate some interesting conversation. We need to sleep but either in replies to others or just our own I might answer for me since we have a lot of gatekeepers.

[stillhavetodothat]

Replaying Nancy Drew without cheating - Part Trois: Treasure in a Royal Tower

Mere words are not enough to convey how excited I was to replay this game again, this time without a single lifeline. I hold this game up on a pedastal, and I always wonder if, in hindsight, it really is that good, or if I am letting nostalgia guide my memories. But nope, this game is just as good the one billionth time around, especially given that it is only the 4th game in the entire series.

And how was the one billionth playthrough, you ask?

To start, this is a game I know SUPER well, probably better than almost any other game, so there were a few times where I would do something before I had seen something else or talked to someone, like I was supposed to, and it would mess my timeline up a little bit. I’d have to fast-forward 24 hours when, for example, I couldn’t find Jacques anywhere when I was forced to ask him without pay to defrost the drumsticks (cluck, cluck), or when I asked Professor Hotchkiss to translate Marie Antoinette’s journal without having been in her room first. There were a couple times in those types of scenarios where I panicked and ALMOST THOUGHT about looking it up online, because I have heard horror stories on the www of players doing one task out of order, or forgetting to do something at a certain point, where the entire game is RUINED due to an unresolved bug. As you can imagine, and have probably experienced yourself, nothing is more tedious than when you think you’re on a roll, but you then have to replay a large segment of game because you messed up irreparably or you didn’t save before exiting.

Anyway, the point is, my game was never ruined, and I was able to continue on, cheat-free, for the rest of the game.

Here are some of my thoughts as I played through this absolute beaut of a game:

1. My sister and I, when we used to play this game together at ages 7 and 11, respectively, loved Dexter Egan. We were able to see past that grumpy exterior into the soft and squishy heart within. In fact, we would literally say to each other (all the time): “Oh, Dexter! Keep me warm in the dead of night!” I do not know where that came from or why we would always say it, especially at ages 7 and 11 respectively, but I do know we thought it was hilarious and our mom was always confused.

2. Ezra Wickford making an entire scrapbook of the bad things Dexter did as a kid with a bunch of angry comments scribbled in the margins is one of the weirder things I’ve ever seen. This guy had to have been a horrible father. I know Dexter is sad and misses him and whatever, but he should probably be seeking help for childhood trauma.

3. A very gruff “a while” is one of my favorite quotes from this game, as well as “Oo la la! I do believe I’ll peep!” and “Your mind is like a ravenous monkey gobbling up every banana in its path!"

4. This game has a LOT of really cool elements. Getting stuck in the elevator and having to alley-oop yourself up a floor through the elevator shaft? Genius. Getting stuck out in the cold and having to think fast and start the ski lift? Exhilarating. Professor Hotchkiss, just in general? *Chef’s kiss* Professor Hotchkiss in the book is a mostly normal old man who never asks for couscous through the door, so thank god the game developers took some liberty with that character. Possibly the most icon Nancy Drew suspect of all time??

5. Speaking of couscous, I am so confused how Dexter doesn’t know what couscous is?? I used to think it was the most random, exotic, wacky food out there as a kid because of this game, but no, it’s really just a relatively commonly used grain? It’s not a meal, but then again, neither is 50 drumsticks.

6. I absolutely loathed this puzzle as a kid, but really came to love it in adulthood. Maybe I haven’t lost all my brain cells after all.

7. Another way I have noted that I’ve grown: when I was younger and Jacques would get angry at me for losing his medallion after getting literally ASSAULTED in the middle of the night in the locker room, and then proceed to give me the silent treatment for the rest of the game, I desperately wanted some kind of prompt to ask for his forgiveness and get him flirting with me again. Now I feel perfectly happy telling Jacques to go fuck himself. Little Miss Nightmare, my ass.

8. The culprit in this game is another bore (not quite Louis Chandler-level, but close). I feel like even 20 years ago I knew who done it from the beginning. Lisa lied continuously (”Too bad I’m so useless with foreign languages!” moments after I just read a letter sent to you entirely in Spanish), sent you out to die in the cold, has nothing better to do but read about Mattie Jensen...all signs point to her being the bad guy. Yawn. And I am offended at the end when Nancy says that she can’t believe she almost befriended Lisa...like were there any conversations between them that gave anyone the impression that they were just a couple chats away from being FRIENDS? 

9. I am bummed, however, that the scene in the end where we find out Lisa is the culprit is not true to the book. Here we just get sprayed with pepper spray and then spend the next 10 minutes asking questions that Lisa then patiently waits around to answer. In the book, Lisa and Nancy literally have an actual karate fight, right there in the Queen’s Tower. It is hilarious. I guess they gave us something like that in DAN, but something about the way it was written cracked me up.

10. Overall just an amazing game. The castle has always felt super cozy to me, and I always felt very at home wandering the corridors there. The atmosphere is awesome, you learn about some French history, you’re put in a few really scary situations that you have to figure your way out of. The game feels a lot longer than MHM, and there’s a lot more to do and to explore and to discover -- I think since I don’t love MHM, and I usually play this game right afterwards, this game always stands out to me as absolutely stellar, and was my top favorite for a really, really long time, and is definitely still in my top 5.

Next up...The Final Scene, a game that seems very popular with this community. This one was also always in my top 5, so I’m really excited to jump in and not cheat!

[julie-thefatones]

Ghost of You || Luke x Reader || Part 4

A/N: Your best friends with Julie, since the stamp was removed from the boys they are able to be seen by lifers at choice and can touch lifers at choice, but are still ghosts. You and Luke grow closer and closer starting to go from friends to more than that and everyone starts to notice, it just takes a little longer for you two to figure it out.

Part 1 , Part 2, Part 3

Side Note: The song that Luke "writes" about Y/N is in fact Moving Along by 5 SOS look it up its a good one

Word Count: 3,088

WARNINGS: 16+ (Sexual References)

It had been weeks since yours and Lukes encounter, in fact you guys have barely talked.... Anytime you guys hung out it was always with the group and only the group and every time he would barely even look at you, you didnt really know what to think of it .... you missed him, yeah you knew that it was gonna be different than before but not this different... You were walking out of 4th period when Carrie came jogging down the hall to catch up with you "Hey Y/N! im gonna walk with you" She said in her normal high pitched Carrie voice, you gave her a shy but inviting smile and then hugged your books to your chest, you hadn't really felt like your self since this whole thing happened, Carrie could see the sadness in your demeanor "Are you okay Y/N? you have been down for like..... weeks" Carried asked with concern, you kind of sighed because thinking about it was hard enough let alone talking about, but you thought your friend deserved an explanation, you glanced in Carries direction "Not really" you said with sadness in your voice "Me and Luke had an... incident so to speak a few weeks ago and it kind of caused a rift in our friendship and now he won't even look at me or talk to me....." you sighed and looked down at the floor "I miss him" you said in a barely audible sad tone, Carrie came closer to you and put a gentle hand on your back showing she cared "Can I ask ... what happened between you and Luke.... you guys were so close, like it was rare to ever see you guys not together" Carrie asked in a soft tone trying not to be pushy, you contemplated on telling her or not *What do I got to loose* you thought to yourself then stopped walking, turning to face Carrie

"Okay.... you just cant tell anyone okay" you said getting close enough to Carrie so that only she could hear what you were saying, her eyes widened with intrigue "Yeah, I promise Y/N" she said urgently to insure you knew that she wouldn't tell a soul "Me and Luke......" you started saying, then stopping to look side to side, to make sure that no one was listening to what you were saying, then looking straight back into Carries eyes "Me and Luke, almost slept together... like it was going to happen but then ... Alex and Reggie Poofed in and then it was a huge mess and then Me and Luke agreed to just be friends and now we are here" You said in a slight urgent whisper, Carries mouth was wide open with shock with her eyes bugged out of her head "Carrie?" you said widening your eyes in concern to why she wasn't answering yet "Carrie!" you exclaimed in hopes she would snap out of it "YOU AND LUKE WHAT!" she yelled in which you immediately slammed your hand over her mouth "Can you not yell maam" you said with tight lips and wide eyes, Carrie shook her head yes under your mouth and relaxed, you released your hand from her mouth in which she started talking instantly "Im sorry! you and Luke what? why am I just now hearing this" Carrie exclaimed in a whispered tone, you sighed and continued walking down the hallway, in which she followed after you "Because I didnt want anyone to know .... I didnt want to make a big deal.... especially since Luke isn't even talking to me ..... I don't know... I just really really miss him" You said in a melancholy tone, Carrie looked at you as if she was gonna say something and then Alex poofed in right in front of you and Carrie, stopping you both in your tracks "Woah! Hey Alex" You said in a high pitched tone, you thought you would be used to them popping in like that by now but you weren't "Luke misses you too! hes driving me crazy" Alex exclaims motioning his hands from his head like he is going out of his mind, You just look at Alex not really knowing what to say, Carrie just looking back and forth from you to Alex waiting for one of you to speak again, Alex continues on with his rant "Y/N! hes so mopey, hes just sitting around all day writing in his stupid freaking song book with his sad Luke face! and anytime I try to ask him to do something or ask him what wrong he just looks at me with that face you know that Luke face that is just like brooding and HIS LUKE

FACE!" Alex says in frustration all while pacing back and forth in front of you guys, messing with his hair in frustration and annoyance, and then he abruptly stops in front of you with wild eyes, grabbing both your shoulders "Y/N! you gotta go make up with him or something! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Alex exclaims, you had to admit this was slightly entertaining you couldn't help but chuckle, but then you sighed thinking about the *You gotta make up with him* part of what Alex said "Theres nothing to make up, we aren't fighting ..... we just ..... I guess aren't as close as we were" You said back to your sad voice , Alex rolls his eyes throwing his hands up in the air doing a slight twirl to face away from you and then a quick motion back to face you "BULL CRAP! YOU GUYS CANT GO FROM ALMOST BONING EACH OTHER TO NOT TALKING AT ALL THAT FAST!! YOU GUYS NEED TO TALK! NOW" Alex exclaims, now pushing you toward the door, Carrie just laughing and then following after to not miss anything "GET HIM OUT OF MY STUDIO, AND FIX HIM!" Alex continues pushing you out the door, him and Carrie just standing in the hallway looking out the door as you walk down the street in major confusion to what just happened, Alex sighs "I really hope I got through to her but wasn't like mean ya know" he says tilting his head to the side as he watched you walk away through the school doors, Carrie tilting her head in the same direction but snapping it up ward to look at Alex "No I think you did a great job! very well executed" She said with reassurance, Alex snaps his head up to look back at her "Thank you, ya know I just ..... I really want Luke out of the studio" He said bringing his hand to heart.

As you walked down the street you decided you weren't gonna go see Luke, it just felt too weird and you didnt want to impose, you just decided to go home... you just wanted to sleep! not talk to anyone or deal with anyone! just sleep! you thought to yourself....... your feet dragged you up the stairs into your room, you slammed the door and face planted on your bed when you noticed something in the corner of your eye... It was your guitar, Luke had kept it with him since he gifted it to you just to keep it safe, but there it was, with its own stand and everything, then you noticed a note sticking out of the strings, you quickly rolled out of your bed to stumble over and read it, you gently pulled the note out of the strings being careful not to damage the guitar in any way, the front of the note read To: Y/N you could tell it was Luke who left it there because of the awful, but cute hand writing, it smelled like him and you thought that was a weird thing to think but .... you missed that smell, you took a moment thinking about the last time you breathed in his scent.... flashing back to the night you guys almost..... you shook your head bringing your self back to focus and opening the letter

Dear Y/N,

Hey.... long time no talk eh? how are you? I don't know why im asking that this is a letter not a text message..... anyway! here's your guitar, figured it wouldn't be any good to ya if you didnt have it. It didnt have a strap or anything so I took the liberty of picking one out for you, I figured you would like this one it has checkers all over it, It will match your vans... and my vans too! thats pretty cool .... I almost bought one for my self I think still might, look at us matching guitar straps! Reggie is gonna be so jealous! Anyway, I hope your doing good ... Oh! and good luck on you French test! I know you were nervous about that, I know youre gonna rock it! you always do

-Luke

You closed the letter holding it to your chest and smiling, you lightly lifted the guitar strap with your finger to look at it, you chuckled noticing that you were actually wearing your checkered vans today. You removed your finger letting the strap fall gently back to place, you sighed curling your legs up to your chest. You remembered that the band had a show tonight... *Should I go?* you thought to your self... you initially thought you wouldn't go, but it would be nice to support your friends, and maybe you and Luke should talk *Okay Im gonna go!* you thought to your self confidently, but first you needed a nap.

It was 7:00pm, you arrived at the venue of the gig 30 minutes before their performance, the place was packed! you knew you should have gotten their earlier, but it was hard enough to get out of bed to get here... wasn't exactly easy for you.

You danced along with the bands that were on before Julie and the boys, you noticed Flynn and Carrie across the venue, they noticed you back waving their hands in the air in excitement for you to join them, You grow a big smile and excitedly run over to join them... you hug them in a greeting, and just then you heard the announcer say "Please put your hands together for Julie and The Phantoms" the crowd goes wild, Julie and the boys had become quite popular in your town, You, Carrie, and Flynn made it a point to be the loudest ones out of everyone though. Julie entered the stage, alone like she always did, she made her way over to the keyboard and sat down. She pressed one button on the keyboard in order for the boys to poof on stage, Luke immediately starts singing while simultaneously playing the guitar "Thinking bout you lots lately! Have you been eating breakfast alone like me! Thinking bout you lots lately Oh are you moving along!" You had never heard this song before, it must have been new, Luke played and sang effortlessly, you didnt really notice the lyrics until you noticed Carrie and Flynn looking at you with curious wide eyes, Luke sang with such passion in his voice, he always did but this time seemed different. When the bridge came Luke found you in the crowd his eyes getting big but then locking his eyes with yours as he sang, not breaking his stare, singing "Scared of moving on, but you're already gone So if you're moving on, won't you just tell me? Scared of moving on, but you're already gone So if you're moving on, won't you just tell me?" As soon as the bridge ended he broke your gaze, you shook your head in order to get your self to recover, you look over at Carrie and Flynn who were watching you for your reaction, you look back up at the stage, Luke and Reggie were doing their classic move of sharing the mic during the chorus, then Luke broke off, playing the melody on his guitar with such... what seemed like anger, or frustration. You started questioning if you should have even come tonight *Was this a mistake..... he looks mad* you thought to yourself, now biting your thumb due to your new anxiety toward the situation. When the song ended Luke shook his hair which was now damp with sweat, and then he stared at you, you couldn't tell what his emotions were at this moment.... *oh boy, how am I gonna make it through this night* you thought to your self.

The band had a great set, after the new song they played Finally Free, which was one of your favorites, then they did Bright. You were really proud of your best friend and how successful her and the boys were becoming. The whole event was over and the place was now pretty much empty, it was just you, Carrie, and Flynn waiting for Julie and the Boys to come out from the back. You were super nervous to see Luke, you didnt know what to say, was that song about you? you wondered to your self.... in the middle of your internal crisis you saw Julie coming from the back with Alex, Reggie following behind all smiling and then Luke shortly after them, he wasn't smiling though, he was just anxiously messing with the hair behind his head. Carrie and Flynn ran up to Julie to give her a hug to congratulate her on the show, you broke your gaze from Luke in order to do the same, you quickly ran over to give your best friend a hug "Congrats Jules! that was an amazing show!" you exclaimed and then motioned to the boys "All of you!" you said looking at all of them, and then setting your eyes on Luke just a little longer than everyone else, he just shyly smiled in response "Thanks Y/N!" Reggie Exclaimed "Did you like the first song? Luke wrote it about you!" Reggie continued with a big smile and a slight chuckle at the end, Lukes eyes widened with annoyance, Alex just turned slowly to face Reggie, his eye twitching in the process, Reggie just looked confused at both of them "What? was she not supposed to know" Reggie asked like he really didnt know, You just stood there shyly, not really knowing what to say, Carries eyes widened "Well!! Flynn! Julie! Alex! and Reggie! I think there is something over here you guys should see its really cool?" Carrie said breaking the awkward tension, or trying to at least, motioning everyone in to the other side of the venue in order to give you and Luke some privacy "Why whats over here?" Reggie asked confused, in which Alex pulled his arm with annoyance rolling his eyes "Just come on reg!" Alex said with a frustrated tone pulling him in the direction Carrie was leading everyone. Soon enough they all disappeared behind a curtain on the other side of the venue, You turned to look at Luke who had his hands in his front pockets, he looked up to make eye contact with you, a half smile appeared on his face as you guys shared a look, you couldn't help but smile a little too. Luke lifted one leg up and then hoped forward to get closer to you "Soooo....." He said as if he didnt know what to do next, You put your hands in your back pockets, then motioned your shoulders forward a little "Sooooo" You echoed back to him, he chuckled "Did you like the show?" He said motioning toward the stage, you nodded your head yes "Yeah!! you guys rocked it as usual" You said, you felt awkward because you had so many things you wanted to say but you didnt want to overwhelm him or feel like you were over stepping, He made a slight whistle shaking his head yes then looking down at his foot which was resting on its heel motioning side to side, "Was that song really about me?" You blurted out with out even thinking, or realizing what you were doing, Luke froze and then looked up with wide eyes, his lips still pursed from whistling and then he relaxed his position putting his foot down and removing his hands from his pockets "Okay, we're just gonna jump right into it..... yeah! it was" he said with a slightly frustrated tone, you bit your lip not really understanding "Wh- why?" you asked truly wondering why he wrote it, you guys both agreed to be friends and you guys never dated so what was there to move on from, he looked at you scrunching his eyebrows together "Why?" He said back confused to why you were confused, you don't know why but you were getting angry "Yeah!" You said throwing your hands in the air "Why Luke! Why everything! Why have you been avoiding me! why have you been so absent!!!" You exclaimed, starting to tear up "So what we almost slept together! BIG DEAL! THAT DOESNT MEAN YOU HAVE TO CUT ME OFF! THAT DOESNT ME YOU

HAVE TO

TURN AWAY FROM ME!" You didnt realize it but you were yelling, tears were streaming down your face, you wiped your tears with the sleeve of your jacket "I missed you so much..... so much Luke..... so yeah why?" you said softer with a crack in your voice, Luke bit his lip in frustration "You wanna know why?!" he exclaimed moving one step closer to you "Because you mean more to me than I could ever imagine someone meaning to me, youre the most amazing person I have ever met!" He exclaimed, now him growing tears in his eyes "AND WHEN YOU KEPT SAYING WE'RE JUST FRIENDS IT EFFING BROKE ME INSIDE BECAUSE IM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU THAT IT HURTS! OKAY! THAT THE FACT YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING MORE THAN JUST FRIEND SHIP KILLS ME INSIDE! SO YEAH I AVOIDED SEEING YOU BECAUSE EVERYTIME I SAW YOU THE PAIN WAS UNBEARABLE BECAUSE ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GRAB YOU AND HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS AND CALL YOU MINE!" He yelled, grabbing his hair in frustration "There ya go! thats why!" he exclaimed finishing his statement, You stood there gathering the ends of your jacket sleeve in your fists, looking at Luke with red puffy eyes, and before you could respond Luke picked up his guitar, wiped his eyes and poofed out.

[mrsseverussnape]

Love Is You - chapter 22

A/n: I am finally posting the new chapter, hopefully you didn’t forget what’s going on in the story… even if you do this chapter is lowkey unnecessary anyways, i don’t know why i have written it but still i wanted to post because happy chapters will be missed soon💁🏼‍♀️

    Carina and Leo were getting ready to go out with some friends, they would go to a rock concert then a club later on to have some more fun. Scarlett was reading a book in the living room when someone knocked on the door. House elf answered it and let the person in. Allowin, Carina’s boyfriend, showed up at the living room’s door shyly.

“Hello Miss Rose.”

“Oh hi Allowin. Come, sit with me. They are still getting ready.” Scarlett put her book down with a kind smile.

“Sorry, i interrupted your reading...” Allowin and Carina were dating for 2 years by now but Allowin was still feeling intimidated by Scarlett even she was always nice to him.

“It is totally fine. How are you? I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

“I am good, thank you. I hope you are doing good too.”

“Yes, i feel really good lately.”

“And congratulations! I wish you a very successful presidency.”

“Thank you Allowin, you are so kind.” She smiled at him softly.

At the time the twins showed up at the doorway.“Hi Al honey! Did we keep you waiting for a long time?” Carina motioned him to come to her.

“Nope, i just came. Ready?” He kissed Carina’s cheek.

“Yes, let’s go love birds!” Leo rolled his eyes at them.

“Have fun dears!” Scarlett waved and blew kisses at them.

“Bye bye! We will be late, don’t worry!” They all shouted before leaving all together.

    Scarlett smiled at their excitement; she was like them too when she was younger. She remembered all the muggle concerts she has been with her friends, it was such fun times. After thinking about the memories, she decided to visit Remus. She hasn’t seen him for a while and it would be nice to have a chat with him.

  She wasn’t sure if he was at home but when she saw the lights, her worries disappeared. Scarlett knocked on the door with a smile on her face, seconds later Remus opened the door. His unexpected guest brought a smile up to his face too.

“Minister! Come in!”

“Hello moony!” She kissed his cheek and walked into his living room. “I came without asking but did you have any plans?”

“Me and my loneliness would hangout.” Remus chuckled. “Sit down please.”

“What a coincidence! I had the same plan but cancelled it.” Scarlett laughed and sat down the mustard coloured armchair while Remus sat the sofa right next to it.

“Are the kids with Sirius?”

“No, but they went out with some friends. So i got jealous and wanted to see my friend too!” She joked and patted his hand.

“I am glad you came, I couldn’t talk to you even in the cocktail...”

“Thanks to your mates...”

“Anyways, i will bring drinks then tell me how everything is going. Beer or wine?” Remus stood up to go to the kitchen.

“You know my answer Rem.”

“Red wine it is! Coming back in a minute!” His voice echoed from the kitchen.

Scarlett took a look at the Daily Mail which was on the coffee table. There was nothing interesting but fabricated news. She put it back when Remus came back with a glass of red wine for her and a can of beer for himself. They talked about this and that, shared laughter and played chess. They enjoyed playing chess together since their Hogwarts years. Both were good at it but tonight Remus was the lucky one and he won. Remus smirked while enjoying his win. He knew Scarlett gets salty after she loses a game, so he decided to have fun with her.

“The loser renews the drinks! Here you go!” He handed her the empty beer can and her glass.

“I will do but if you call me loser one more time, your shirt will drink the beer not you.” She headed to the kitchen while Remus was laughing at her.

“Ah a threat! I am so scared! Someone help me!”

Scarlett came back with their 4th drinks and slumped herself down next to him on the sofa.

“Thank you los-“  Remus reached for the beer but Scarlett held it away from him when he was about to call her loser again.

“Remember what i just said Remmy. Be a good boy because i don’t want to ruin your shirt, it is pretty.”

“Sorry your majesty! Could you please give me my beer?”

“That’s more like it. Here is your drink, peasant.” She laughed evilly when Remus sulked after she called him peasant.

    The alcohol in their blood was showing its effects on them since they started to act silly. When time passed by and 2 more drinks later, they put a disco music vinyl and had a dance party until fell on the sofa tiredly. Scarlett was still laughing hysterically at Remus’s funny dance moves.

“I wish you were with me every day...” Remus mumbled while looking at the over-happy woman next to him. His mood has changed from happy to somewhat melancholic.

“What?” Scarlett asked while trying to stop her laugh.

“I said i wish you were with me every day. I love spending time with you, always did.”

“Ah you wouldn’t want me every day.” Scarlett chuckled but Remus shook his head in disagreement.

“I want to tell you something...” Remus took a deep breath, normally he would never tell Scarlett what he was going to say right now and he was good at keeping it a secret for many years, but the drunk Remus was not like himself at all and he wasn’t thinking clearly. “I have a crush on you since the 5th year...”

Scarlett just stared at him while still laughing slightly.

“Say something Scar...”

“I... i don’t understand Remus. Are you joking, right?”

Remus sighed deeply, he knew very well Scarlett never had any romantic feelings towards him also he always felt guilty about his feelings because she was his best friend’s lover later his wife. So Remus chose to hide it all of these years because their friendship was more important than everything.

“Haha yeah, i got you right!?” He joked not very convincingly but she was drunk enough not to notice how fake he was acting.

“I was scared for a moment!” Scarlett chuckled softly and slapped his arm jokingly. “Don’t tell such things, i have a boyfriend.”

“What...? Who?”

Now it was Remus’s turn to be shocked. She hasn’t told anything about it while they were talking earlier when they weren’t very drunk. Maybe she wasn’t planning to tell this at all.

“Severus.” She smiled happily when she said his name in a soft tone.

Remus couldn’t help but felt sad. Just like Sirius, he never understood why she was so found of Snivellus. Maybe that was the true love, didn’t need any meaningful reason. “I hope he makes you happy... You deserve it.”

“Thanks Rem.” Scarlett patted his cheek then stretched her body. Her eyes were closing because of tiredness. “I need to go...” she tried to stand up but her dizzy head wasn’t a help and fell back on the sofa.

“Apparently you are staying here tonight.” Remus chuckled and pulled her legs up to the sofa to make her lay down properly.

“I guess so...” she muttered curling up and falling asleep after immediately.

“Good night sleepy head.” Remus wasn’t any different and he laid down the other side of the sofa and his eyes closed when he put his head on the pillow.

    The sun shined through the crack of the curtains directly to Scarlett’s face in the morning. She tried to cover her eyes with her hand but it didn’t help at all. She was trying to wake herself up and stretched her aching limbs which ended up kicking Remus’s back. It made him wake up startled.

“Oww Scar!”

“Rem..? Sorry, i didn’t see you...” Scarlett mumbled sleepily while trying to sit up.

Remus laid down for a while until Scarlett nudged his leg. “Wha...?” Remus muttered and curled up even more.

“I will go home. Probably the kids wondered me...”

“Stay for breakfast.”

“Nah, i don’t feel like eating... See you, thanks for the night.” She petted his hair before apparating.

    When she apparated in her living room Carina and Leo were eating their bowls of cereals there.

“Mum!? Weren’t you at home?” Carina almost choked on her food in surprise.

“No, i went out after you. I was planning to turn back but...yeah.” She sat beside her still sleepily.

“Were you with Professor Snape...?” Leo asked curiously because she was looking wasted.

Scarlett shook her head. “I went to Remus. Apparently, we drank too much and i fell asleep there.”

“Dad would be jealous that he missed the fun.”

“He is jealous of everything...” Scarlett rolled her eyes and stood up to go to bathroom. “I need a long bath. Don’t worry if i don’t come out for a while.”

“Okay but still make noises time to time.”

“Okay mummy.” Scarlett mocked Carina while pinching her cheek and went upstairs to give herself a relaxing bath.

Taglist:

@snapefiction @lizlil @elizabeth-baelish @misselsbells06 @mais-e @lunnybunny12 @anfre109 @entirelymesmerising @wolvesofwinter13 @mrssnivellussnape @mestin-writes @echoofawind @pamelalur15 @myamortentia

If you wanna be on my taglist, let me know!

[jkbabiey]

{JJK} Say it ⤇ 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Pairing:  fuckboy!jungkook x student!reader

Word Count: ~2.1 K

Genre: we’ll keep up with the flirty tension and let’s add a bit of an awkward tension to the mix... just for fun ; college!AU

Warnings: Jungkook seems to be less of a dick and Y/N gets shy, she’s still a sweetheart. 

4th of March, 2023

Another typical saturday night. 

It was about midnight and you were, as usual, covered in anatomy books and human body scrawled papersheets. As much as you loved anatomy, you had to admit that along with interesting, it was a really exausting subject. You were incredibly sleepy from all the studying you’d been doing from at least 3 PM and all you wanted was to go to sleep, but you refused to give in to your desires, deciding to stay up at least for another hour. 

Yes, you were aware that probably - and most-certainly - you were sounding like a nerdy self-sabotaging bitch BUT you had a reason. You had an anatomy exam next week and you were determined to get the highest grade possible, even if it cost you some hours of sleep. And why was the reason behind that? Well... you had been holding a grudge... Yeah... In you previous anatomy exam - in wich you were close to getting the highest grade in class - your asshole professor had insinnuated that you had cheated just because he had seen you turn back to pick your fallen pen and though you were looking at your seatmate’s exam. You were -oh, so ready to get the highest grade of the class in this exam and freacking rub it in that dubass’ face.

You grabbed a handful of the crispy bacon chips you were using as a motivation to keep up the good work, furiously munching on them and preparing yourself to start reading another chapter of your favorite anatomy book, Gray’s Anatomy.

Before you got to read the first word something got your attention. You had never been so happy to receive a text from an unknown number in your life. This had to be a sign telling you to just go to sleep, for sure. You grabbed your phone instantly, dropping the heavy book on top of your sprailed thighs, finally finding an almost proper excuse to get away from your never-ending studies.

[Unknown number, 00:10 AM] - Hey princess

You didn’t take you long to remember the annoying man that approached you at the bar three weeks ago, probably because of the exact same choice of words he used the night he tried to seduce you.

[Unknown number, 0:10 AM] - Remember me?

You would be lying if you said you haven’t thought about him these days. His appearance was too good to just disappear from your mind in three mere weeks. Everything, from the way he looked to the cocky and snarky comebacks he spat after hearing you neglecting him multiple times that night was, unfortunately, attractive to you.

[You, 00:14 AM] - No.

You lied. 

It didn't take a lot of time for another message to pop up on your phone's screen.

[Unknown number, 00:15 AM] -  Come on, I know you've been thinking about me

Prick...

[You, 00:15 AM] - Tell me your name, and maybe I'll remember who you are.

Deep inside you knew that this wasn't the real reason why you were asking him his name. The truth was that you wanted to know a name, so you could associate his face – which you haven’t been able to stop thinking about for the last 21 days and it was honestly driving you insane – to a name.

[Unknow number, 00:15 AM] - I didn’t tell you my name, it wouldn't help baby

And, unhappily he was able to turn your little game against its own creator. 

That cunning little shit...

[Unknow number, 00:16 AM] - But we both know I haven’t left your mind these days

You were, once again, left bewildered staring at his text. He was a cocky, selfish, jackass that was completely full of himself.

You threw your phone on your sofa and tried to calm down. It was impressive how quickly he was able to get you all riled up. He literally just had to say something, anything, and you would already be thinking of ways to kill him. You wouldn’t say it out loud, but after that night you had been waiting for a call or a text. For his call or for his text, and that was the major factor that was holding you from telling him to fuck off right away. But you couldn’t blame yourself for thinking about him. He was annoying, yes he was. But he was also extremely hot, and if you’re being honest, you missed getting laid. You didn’t even remember the last time someone made you feel good in that way and you were definitely craving it. A woman has needs and, unfortunately, he filled all of your physical demands in a man even though you were selective, very selective.

And even after considering how physically needy you were at the moment, you decided to act against yourself once again that night and left him without any answer. The guy had already proven himself to be such a dick and as sexually needy as you coud be, you would never let someone like that get to touch one single inch of your body. 

You weren’t that needy, anyways...

7th of March, 2023

It was Tuesday today. You hated Tuesdays. Today you would have to endure two straight hours in the lab. Your microbiology professor wasn't the best, and his monotone way of talking just made it all worse. Usually you would have pretty much use this two hours to discretely close your eyes and try to sleep. 

That would have happened if your crush hadn't asked to sit next to you. Right now, sleep was the last thing on your mind. You were fixed on the way Jimin lurked into the microscope's ocular. The way he pursed his plump lips whenever he didn't get the outcome he wanted or the way he looked at you and smiled softly from time to time. 

When class ended, Jimin got up from his seat and turned to you.

"Hey, do you want to come get coffee with me?" 

Your eyes widened and your lips instantly parted, shocked by his invitation. How come the hottest and sweetest guy in your class was asking you on a date?

"Yes, of course!" 

You cringed internally hearing how desperate that answer had probably sounded to him, but the smile on your face never faded. You threw your books and all the other stuff you could recognize as yours into your black leather bag and quickly walked beside him.

You bit your red velvet muffin cautiously, sipping on your black coffee right away. You were trying to look pretty in front of Jimin. He had been your crush since you started med school. He had catched you eye immediately. He wasn’t the type of guy to try to get people’s attention, but he did, naturally. You two had been sitting in that coffee shop for about 15 minutes already and you were completely enchanted by his sweet and delicate ways. He was every girl's dream and you couldn't deny that you were a part of that crowd. He was absolutely dreamy and you were absolutely entranced in his whole appearance. 

"So... I noticed you haven't been dating anyone for a really long time now..." he smirked at you and waited patiently for your answer. 

The thing is, you couldn't really answer him. You had been caught off guard. You didn't know he would be this direct.

"Right," you murmured, completely flustered by his sudden approach to your love life.

"Don't be so shy, we're friends Y/N!"

Your expression fell immediately after hearing his words. And then came the sudden realization that this was not romantic. This wasn’t a freaking date.

"Maybe, I can introduce some of my friends to you! I'm pretty sure, anyone would love to date you, you’re absolutely gorgeous!"

His words pissed you off, but you didn't say a thing, displaying the smalles and most polite ever instead. How could he say you were gorgeous right after friendzoning you?

After that neither of you say a thing and just kept eating the food he insisted on buying until you noticed him squinting his eyes to see something behind you. 

"What are you looking at?" you asked, way more harshly than you had intended to sound, but he didn’t seem to notice, anyway.

"I think that's a friend of mine..." he hummed and squinted his eyes even harder. He had some vision problems, but he refused to wear his glasses - even though they looked great on him, what a surprise...

This was just what was missing  in tjis “date”, someone to take his attention from you. Definitely not a date.

"Really?" you asked sharply, looking at him in pure boredom. You knew you didn't have any right to be mad at him, but how are you supposed to react when your crush of 1 whole year says he could ask one of his friends to go on a date with you, just before saying your “absolutely gorgeous”?

"Yeah... I think it's Jungkook," he said, still waiting for his friend to finish paying his coffee and turn around, so he could see if he was or not the person he expected.

You rolled your eyes and looked over your shoulder, curious to see who Jimin was talking about, and just as you did it, your eyes locked with the familiar wide and shiny eyes from three weeks ago. You felt the exact same electricity you had felt that night in the bar and instantly turned your eyes back to Jimin, in hopes 'Jungkook' was someone else, anyone else. But when you turned back to Jimin, he was already standing up and opening his arms, ready to hug whoever his friend was. You still hoped and asked the Gods for his friend to be someone else, but not him.

"Jungkook!"

Jimin was so excited that you could see the glint in his eyes as he almost screamed his friend's name.

All your hopes died when you sensed his presence next to you, engulfing Jimin in a bear hug

"Hey man! Haven't seen you in a while!" he whispered into Jimin's hair loud enough for you to hear. His voice was very different from the one you remembered from the bar. It was much softer now.

"Yeah..." Jimin hummed softly into his friend's chest and when they parted from their tight and long hug, Jimin's eyes landed on you

"This is Y/N, she's a friend from uni. Y/N, this is Jungkook, he's my best friend, " Jimin stated and winked at you, remembering your dialogue from earlier. You could feel the heat in your cheeks and the color on them was probably pretty visible as well.

"Hey Y/N," he greeted as if he hadn’t ever seen you before in his life and trained his eyes on you to watch your reaction.

Well, your reaction was probably up to everything he was waiting. You coughed awkwardly and quickly sipped on your coffee so you could get rid of the annoying dryness that had settled on your throat. You looked over at Jimin, that wriggled his brows at you and winked discreetly. You decided to ignore him and in the meantime Jungkook’s smirk grew wider. You could physically see he was dying to make fun of you.

"Hey..." you answered quietly, after a long time. 

Jungkook chuckled and broke his stare from you, looking at Jimin

"I have to go but I'll call you later," he said while giving a large bite to his donut before sipping on his coffee.

"Stay a bit longer! You should meet Y/N, she's pretty cool," Jimin answered quickly, trying to hold his friend back, while your cheeks burdened even harder. Jungkook chuckled quietly again and answered his friend

"Can't, class starts in..." he looked at his clock to check the time he had left and his eyes widened "-fuck, I have 2 minutes" he looked between me and Jimin and muttered a little 'I’ll call you later', before running to get to his class quickly.

Jimin laughed a bit and ran his fingers through his blonde locks.

"I think there was some chemistry" he stated teasingly and you shot him a threatening look, trying to fight the smile that tried to creep up your face. 

“Shut up,” you muttered, suddenly feeling a lot more comfortable in Jimin’s presence. The awkwardness from before, now totally gone. 

"He's majoring in criminal justice, he’s actually a very smart guy..." he stated excitedly

"I don't care Jimin..." you said after chuckling lightly at his efforts

"Shut up, you liked him!" he screeched and hit you softly on the arm

"No, I didn't" you murmured and sipped on your black coffee.

Well, at least Jungkook had a good taste in coffee.

You weren’t shocked when, at 5 PM, while you were enjoying your ride home in the subway, you received another text from Jungkook. Being the little brat he already showed he was, there was no way he was going to let this opportunitie of making fun of you slide. You had that figured out as soon as he left the coffee shop earlier that day.

[Unknown number, 5:00 PM] - You didn’t seem very brave today.

You sighed, wondering what you were supposed to answer. Well, yeah... How the fuck were you supposed to act brave when, first of all, you were by nature too socially awkward, and second of all, you had been under his stare, which was too intimidating for you to say something longer than ‘hey’. 

[You, 5:01 PM] - You also weren’t as dickish as you seem to be.

[Jungkook, 5:01 PM] - I am not dickish!

[You, 5:04 PM] - Of course you’re not.

[Jungkook, 5:05 PM] - Give me one date.

Your eyes-widened and you choked in the chocolate milk you were drinking. The sixty-year-old man seated in front of you sending you a slightly disgusted look, to wich you answered with a nervous smile.

[You, 5:06 PM] - Do you think you can woo me in one date?

[Jungkook, 5:08 PM] - If you want me to take you on more than one date, that’s alright...

You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. How the hell did he find ways to turn every single thing in his favour?! That was seriously a gift from god, and you weren’t even religious.

[You, 5:09 PM] - Oh my god, pls shut up

[Jungkook, 5:11 PM] - One date and i won’t talk to you anymore today

[You, 5:12 PM] - One date and you won’t talk to me the whole week.

[Jungkook, 5:12 PM] - Deal.

[biaswreckingfics]

I GOT SO MUCH TO SAYYY!! gosh pls dont find me weird okay, and these are just my personal opinions and im not hating any groups!! but my unpopular opinion is: i think kpop has become very toxic after bts and bp got famous in America. And tbh if you ask me, i wouldnt want any other kpop groups to be famous in America... i only stan exo but i think i speak for all groups when i say they are safe as they are now... of course if exo ever get even more famous i will be happy and proud for their success. But look how fame and America has changed bts and bp... not tryna hate but look theyve changed, idk if anyone else noticed but after fame hits bts, i realised how theyve start to become very...white?? like they are so westernised and like example, they start focusing on America only, they even curse (not a lot but i’d still point out) casually like for example, jungkook singing a curse word in his cover song for jason derulo savage love i think (speaking of cursing, after nct127 got famous in usa mark started getting influenced by them too and he casually cursed like “oh fuck” and everyones like 😃😆) even i curse and im not saying cursing is BADD but yeah i am, and how they sing a whole song in english, not to even mention how toxic america is but in grammys they have sold tons of albums yet they didnt win anything but when they release an english song, they won.

Some half of them americans are very toxic, racist, and just theyre basically acid, like bruh, its evident that once bts got famous there are soooo much hate thrown towards bts too cuz theyre asians, or how some would say theyre gay or look like girls...if my favs (exo) ever get these kinds of treatments (not that they dint but veryy little cuz thank god they ain exposed to the western culture) i will B R E A K, i could never handle that so i would never want that to happen to them. Also noticed how, after bts got famous, most armys are equally as toxic, whether they are just stanning bts just cuz theyre famous there, or like how their fans dont even know anything abt bts and coming after so many groups and their fans. Most of them are fake and i think its cuz of the fame for bts lmao. One thing i’d like to say too tho, is how they are so overrated and their songs are played all the damn time, people would randomly talk abt them, like everywhere you go THEY ARE JUST THERE, like in my opinion if i am an army, i would just feel like they are so common and theres nothing special about them anymore and theres no excitement, like what even is the point anymore. idk if anyone gets me but thats just how i feel about my favs being “wOrLdWiDe fAmOuS”, i will love them and their music but its just something i think about tbh🤷🏻‍♀️ like let me listen to them on my own and vibe and love them, dont play it 24/7 just cuz they are famous and ure tryna get people’s attention, like imagine ure in the subway and u hear ur favs song cuz its EVERYWHERE and ure there like 😐😐 not that u dont love their music but its cuz horrible people dont deserves to listen to their songs, and like people arent going to appreciate them anyway so yeah i feel uncomfortable listening to my favs as others dont even bother, like imagine if that subway is filled with people who are in ur fandom, yall would just hv the best time in the world and VIBE, if not what even is the point. Idk if im explaining it properly, but its badically like, u feeling UNCOMFORTABLE or should i even say SELFISH cuz u do not want to be sharing ur favs with people who dont even deserve to KNOW about them. Basically like seeing how someone you HATE or bullied you back then talking and being all friendly fake with ur BESTEST FRIEND or even boyfriend/girlfriend, cuz u just want to protect them from EVIL (im so dramatic)

And well lastly, no Bts did not paved the way, or “bts is the best and only group” like no, so many amazing artists were breaking records way before bts was even a thing (no hate to bts) but they really need to get slap for having that mindset, they really make a bad image for bts...tbh kpop before was so peaceful (a little toxic but still, compared to now...BYE) and everything was just about idols and fans love, listening and supporting and loving their music and just so comforting... urgh anyway thats all i wanna say and here are some texts i saved relating to kpop groups going famous worldwide uwu

these are also examples, and honestly speaking here, i dont want to be specific as in “exo” cuz i think this happens for ALL the groups out there and the love and relationship between the idols and their fans (family) are just beautiful, but for bts and armys... tbh i feel bad because i just dont see or feel any love they hv for each other (sure we see bts saying i love you armys or armys supporting bts but with all the toxicity in their way, theres just no spark or chemistry or bond no more it’s basically like one direction and their fans and thats all they are, celebrity-fan, but for kpop its family), i can see other groups and their fans interacting or how idols would light up talking abt their fans, but for bts, theres just soooo much mess going on in their fandom its not special anymore, they lost the deep meaning of their group love and IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT but YEAH DJSHSKSJ OH and to add somethign else, they got famous in America, look at all the collabs🤡🤡 blackpink with cardi b, bts with nicki etc... not that collabs arent fun... im just saying these american artists... they dont exactly have a good reputation (americans singing about sex (not the good kind), money, girls and drugs) 🥴🥴 dont influenced my faves and let them be exposed to the toxic culture YALL GET ME?? KPOP HAS THE LETTER K FOR A REASON😭😭😭 let them be their own shining star, not everything has to be involved or a part of aMeRiCa to be amazing.... PHEW IVE SAID IT NOW BEFORE ANYONE GETS MAD AT ME, I DONT MEAN TO SOUND RUDE TO YOU, if youre an american and youre no where near being toxic, I LOVE YOU but im just saying, the western culture is toxic and im just saying what ive been observing and noticing🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️ ps: i still love exo till the max and everything about them is perfect and theyre just amazing people (everything i said that bts and armys dont really have anymore, i think thankfully, EXO (sorry im biased) most fandoms still have so much of the L O V E there and i find that extraordinary) and he fandom is so comforting and amazing and idk dkdjjdjss thats why i dont want them getting famous worldwide...sorry exols ANYWAY THATS ALL FOR MY RANT ITS 4AM AND I AM THINKING OF DELETING THIS💀💀💀 anywya sorry for taking up so much space but i just wanna say I FREKAING LOVE NO EXIT, NO LIMITS, basically all ur exo fics cuz why not🥺🥺 i think ur writing skills are amazing as well as the plots and all especially forsaken, and THANK YOU for two bbhxoc fics😭😭😭 i cant!!! also if u reached here idk i-🥲 i hope u didnt get mad or offended 👀

Reply under the cut!!

Kpop has become extremely toxic with the growth of international fans and the rise of 3rd/4th gen. I wasn't around to experience the previous generations, but I know damn well they weren't a mess like these newer ones are.

Gaining fame in America does seem to change idols, and idk why. The group members change and the music changes also. While I do enjoy hearing idols swear (guilty pleasure) and I am an American so I get to enjoy their English songs, I can see how it makes all the other cultures/countries feel some type of way.

I will say this, though, the Grammys are shit and I dont get why people care so much about them. They've proven time and time again the awards don't go to the best artists. However, this doesn't mean that I think BTS deserved a Grammy imo.

Americans are a very toxic and hate filled bunch (again, I am one, so I get to see this shit every day). I 100% know that some of the hate directed towards Asians is because of racism (as seen by the insane uptick in crime against Asian Americans right now) and because some see kpop male idols as too feminine.

BTS is literally everywhere, which is one of the reasons I stopped listening to them tbh. They'd be in commercials, on talk shows, late night shows, in magazines, on the radio, just everywhere. It took the joy out of watching anything from them just because they were always in my face, so I can see what you mean.

I feel like the relationship between BTS and army has changed (from an outsiders perspective). Its no longer about loving and supporting your group and being happy for them. Now, its "so-so wants this? We MUST do everything in our power and spam every possible thing ever so they get what they want". Its almost frightening. They also no longer care about the quality of the music being put out. Doesn't matter what it is, they stream the ever loving shit out of it and make it break records when, honestly, it doesn't deserve to (again imo).

Lastly, I didnt get mad or offended haha. I understand a lot of these viewpoints, and thank you so much for liking my work!! I do wonder what would happen if I made a true BBH centric fic and not just spin offs or continuations of previous works where oc ends up with BBH 🤔🤔 I think that fic would have too much power haha.

[mcrmadness]

Madness draws: my dä fanart from when I had my (arts) comeback in 2018

For years I didn’t draw anything because of a personal (art crisis) and because I simply was studying and working so much I just had no energy left for arts.

In 2018 I was done with schools and studying and dropped out of the school I was in at that moment, and also the horse stable I was working at (school related stuff) was sold and closed its doors so also my work ended. For the first time in almost 5 years I was actually free. The longest holidays I had has was 3 weeks summer holiday in 2016, I think. I had another in 2017 but of that I actually was having health issues (nothing serious) for 2 weeks and then had to be in school for the 3rd one, after which I even got the flu.

So I was SO excited when I finally was free the first day of November in 2018. After I had got enough sleep and rest, I started to find my creativity again. And I started to “daydream” before falling asleep every night, I started to write fanfictions in my head and I started to draw, too. Partially it was also because for the first time in years I had an online friend I enjoyed talking with and we had similar interests, aka dä and Bela/Farin, and that inspired me a lot to draw even more - but unfortunately that friendship did not work out in the end and we’re no longer friends.

Anyway, most of these drawings are very much Bela/Farin related again because I talked about that a lot with this person and I often asked what they’d want to see and then drew it if the idea was something I could carry out.

This is not the first one I drew but maybe the 4th or so. I’m just putting this here first because it’s the most “innocent” aka not too much shippy stuff rubbed into the faces of my followers who don’t care about that. There’s 5 different drawings + 1 comic behind the read more link. All of these, apart from the comic, where drawn into my old sketchbook.

About the drawing above - I didn’t use pencil for these first ones at all yet, I just drew them with the fineliners as I was still a bit rusty as the last time I REALLY drew anything was in 2013 aka over 5 years ago from 2018, so I had to actually look at my old comics and drawings to even figure out how to draw these characters anymore. And I think the last actual time I drew in this style was in 2011 even. And that is very visible from the first 2018′s drawing I did! ↓↓↓

This is the one - and wait, I have an explanation!

So with this person I mentioned, we just constantly had this playful debate over whether Bela is “bottom” or not - and honestly I couldn’t care less about that because I no longer read any fanfics. I do write fanfics - or a fanfic - but only for myself and as an asexual I have never been interested in writing about certain themes so I never need to think about the whole top/bottom stuff anyway. I used to read smut before until I one day just realized it’s SO BORING and uninteresting to read, started skipping all smut scenes and wanted to read fluff but all the fluff was so quickly and badly written because everyone wanted to write smut only, that I was left with absolutely nothing to read. So it was the old story again: I started writing/drawing the stuff I wanted to read and see.

However, back to the top/bottom topic, I always base my opinions with everything over how things are in real life and with these guys, if you look at how they are in interviews and on stage, the dynamics are not just plain black&white. I’ve never seen there anything that would indicate that just one is “top” or “bottom” whatsoever which is why I kept saying imo they’re more like just switching if you listen to their jokes. Remember: I don’t read any fanfiction and don’t give a fuck about smut (lol at the pun) and honestly, even tho I understand those jokes they do and say on stage, I wish not to have any visuals about any of that “activity” in my head.

So, to support my “they switch!” opinion, I drew this, just for fun. And it is the official first drawing I did in 2018. I just needed to fire back bigger than I could do with simple text messages :D

***

Moving on. The person in question was very fascinated by the idea that Farin would be a vampire and not Bela (to support their top/bottom views...) which is why I drew this:

Also a very quick one, without sketching anything before drawing with fineliners. This and the first image of this post both are very small in real life actually, the signature is about the same size in every drawing so you can see from that that they are actually pretty small.

Talking of the signature: The funniest thing to me about this IS the signature. Because I was so rusty I didn’t even know how to write it anymore :DDD You can compare it to the signature in the other drawings because in them it’s better. Why it’s so funny to me is because it should say “Aada” but it looks more like “Hella” which means “stove” in Finnish.

***

Next one was something I saw in my head and wanted to draw - I think this one was also done without sketching it at first:

Kinda simple, right? :D I just wanted to draw something with heavy shadows and they’re meant to be watching TV at night. I guess it came out pretty okay.

***

The next two I drew based on one of my old fanfics I wrote years and years ago. I’m a bit annoyed that I decied to draw these into my SKETCHBOOK when I could have used just paper I use for drawing but I guess I didn’t know yet where I was going to end up with these and drew them into the sketchbook because of that. I thought I didn’t sketch these at first but I have found photos of these with sketched with pencil so that means I started sketching my drawings at this point.

So, back to the fanfic, it’s one of the longer ones I wrote (but still not that long even) and set to happen in the late 80s. There was some drama in the story because of Bela’s drug use and Farin was very harsh and Bela left altogether. For some time they had no idea where each of them were but then one very rainy night they both were on a walk at the same time and happened to stumble upon each other for the first time in weeks or so. I can still see those scenes so vividly in my head and here’s my artistic view over those scenes:

Yes. I love drawing stuff like BRICKS.

I have used my Promarkers with the second image, the paper was not the best for them which is why the black looks awful.

What comes to the image... it really annoys me to look at that because how the FUCK that is something I have drawn? And it’s legit based on something I have written. ME??? Like wtf. My aroace ass just can’t handle me writing/drawing fluff like this. I have days when I need to see fluff more than anything and then have to produce the content because can’t find it from anywhere else and my brain is simultaneously like “flufffff 8))))” and “boohoo whyyyyy how staaaaaph D:” because I am so afraid of being connected to what I draw. Like. If I draw or write fluff, it doesn’t mean I would be a romantic person nor allosexual nor alloromantic, right? Because I can also draw a comic or write a story about a murderer and it doesn’t make me a psychopath either. It’s the exact same thing.

And in fact: I had a comic book character who was called Micro the Insane Murderer because that’s what he was. Also I once wrote a story about a serial killer but she was also insane. But for whatever reason it’s much harder to show people fluff I have written or drawn than my fictional serial killer stuff... I guess people just easier assume that you’re an allo, thanks to anormativity, but usually don’t think you’re a psychopath just because your OC is :D

***

The last one is the comic that has a Halloween theme as it was around Halloween and the person I talked with still wanted to see/read something where Farin is the vampire instead. So here’s something that was my first B/F comic in 7 years. I didn’t remember how to do pretty much anything anymore and the coloring is a bit off, and I was really still just trying to figure out how to do all this again :D

At that point I think my head was still filled with fanfiction stuff so the comic also is full of (hurt/comfort) drama - and a long-ass “backstory”. You can see that from this on I have moved to more humorous stories. Sometimes I draw occassional fluffy comics when I’m really on that weird mood (usually 1-2 days/month thanks to the uterus and hormones), but my main focus is on the humour and I wish to make people laugh.

But that’s about it. I think I have now posted everything here, the newer ones I have posted here after drawing them since 2019 but this post is the “missing link” between those old old comics and the newer stuff :D Then I of course have all the other traditional art like potraits and such I did in 2009-2012 which I have never shown here. Maybe I should post those too?

[gradianjackie]

Be My Infinity || Patrick & Jackie

Tagging: Jackie, @patrick-clarington​

When: Tuesday, May 4th

Where: Patrick & Jackie’s Home

Warnings: Tons of fluff 

Notes: Patrick asks a very important question on their one year anniversary. 

Patrick 

Patrick had spent the last month preparing for their anniversary. He wanted so desperately to make it perfect for Jackie. It had been an incredible year for him, even in the months when he was away undercover. Through all of the relationships and hook ups he’d been through before, he’d never felt as comfortable, safe and happy as he had with Jackie. She was his everything and he needed her to know that. So, for the past month he had been travelling back and forth from Newcastle on his days off to attend cooking lessons. He wanted so badly to make a decent meal of spaghetti for them both as a reminder of their first date at the Italian restaurant. Knowing he had a few minutes left before Jackie got home from her dance classes, Patrick checked on the food quickly before lighting the candle he’d placed on the middle of their table and took a deep breath. Never before in his whole life had he been as nervous as he was tonight.

Jackie

Words couldn’t begin to explain how amazing this last year had been. Never did she think she’d meet someone who would capture her heart and prove to her how amazing life could be. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world with Patrick, she has never felt so loved and appreciated. Even in their months apart while he was gone for his job her love still grew for him everyday. That for her really set things in stone for her. It really let her know how much she wants to hold on to him forever. Now here they are the day of their anniversary. She wished she could have taken the day off but she was happy to spend the morning with her students. But she was even more excited to come home to Patrick. She got home as quickly as she could, her smile growing every second and her heart beating in anticipation. When she stepped in she looked around, “Babe, I’m home! I missed you so much today.” She started to smell the food though, her smile grew. Did he cook for them?

Patrick 

When Jackie walked through the door, Patrick’s nerves increased tenfold and his heart was beating like crazy. God, he loved her so much. Her smile though helped ease some of Patrick’s nerve and his smile mirrored hers. “I missed you more! Now, you’ve got a bit of time to relax a bit or freshen up before dinner.” He glanced back into the kitchen for a moment to make sure nothing was burning. “I’m making spaghetti but before you protest, I promise I won’t burn the pasta this time. I found someone in Newcastle to give me some lessons so I could make you something nice for our anniversary.

Jackie

Just the sight of him never failed to make her heart skip a beat, "I would love that, I want to be properly dressed for such a wonderful occasion." She teased, but it was true she wanted to properly celebrate their anniversary. And her outfit she wore for the class truly didn't fit the occasion, especially since he prepared a meal for them. Her lips parted in surprise at his words, "Patrick..." She said softly, waiting for him to finish. "You did all of that for our anniversary? Goodness I love you so much." Jackie couldn't help but set her bag down and move over to him to steal a kiss. "You are the sweetest, even after that long job of yours and all that paper work you still found time for this."

Patrick 

To Patrick, Jackie looked incredible in everything she wore but he thought she might like the chance to dress up. “We have to take the chance to dress up when we can because we don’t get the chance when we’re working a lot.” He blushed lightly as Jackie told him she loved him. He would never get sick of hearing her say that. “I wanted to make it really special so I didn’t mind. It was just a couple of times a week and I’d usually aim to do it after a night shift because you’d usually still be asleep so I wouldn’t miss any time with you.” Touching her cheek, Patrick leant in to give her another kiss. He could never get enough of being able to kiss and touch Jackie whenever he had the chance.

Jackie

"At least we look amazing whatever we wear to work." She complimented, "But we look just as amazing dressed up too." Jackie could go on and on with her compliments for him. Being able to see that smile and blush only encouraged her. "It is special, it is so special." She could melt right then and there. "You really did think of everything didn't you?" Her hands moved to rest on his sides as their lips met again, tilting her head into his touch. Not being able to help but press more soft kisses to his lips, she could never get enough of him, especially since he's come back home. "Dinner... and freshening up..." Jackie mumbled against his lips with a smile, trying her best to pull away from him.

Patrick 

“That’s true. It’s actually unfair to everyone else how good we both look all the time,” he laughed, his grin growing. He was so happy that Jackie loved that he had been trying to learn to cook a decent meal for her. She deserved it for being so amazing. He bit his lip for a moment when she spoke again about him thinking of everything before recovering with a smile. “I hope I did anyway.” He wanted to stay in this moment and embrace with Jackie forever but he knew she was right, giving her another quick peck before stepping back. “You’re right. I need to check on the food so I’ll let you get changed. I think I can handle letting you go for a few minutes.”

Jackie

"The audacity of us, I don't know how we get away with it." Hearing his laugh never failed to make her whole face brighten up. Her fingers ran up and down his sides, feeling herself already disappearing into their little bubble. "I'm sure you did, babe. The fact that you thought of all of this alone already makes today amazing." She chuckled once he stepped away, finding her lifting her arms already wanting to hug him again. Pausing though, "You know what else is unfair how hard it is to be away from you." She admitted before sighing, "But yes, yes....I'll be right back before you know it." Jackie said before stepping away and going into their room to get changed.

Patrick 

Patrick watched with a smile as Jackie left the room and turned his attention back to the food. The sauce and meatballs were finished and the pasta was minutes away. Thank god nothing had burned so far. Turning away from the food for a moment, Patrick looked over at the table again to make sure everything was ready. Everything had to be perfect. He desperately wanted to make sure everything was perfect so the another surprise he had would hopefully also work out. His hand found its way into his pocket to make sure the small box was still settled safely in there before he looked up as Jackie re-entered the room. “Okay, how is it fair for you to look that good?” He asked, his grin returning.

Jackie

Jackie quickly freshened up, fixing her hair and make up, her hair moving from a ponytail to her curls resting on her shoulders. It took her quite a few moments though to finally pick a dress to wear, finally deciding on a new red one that she had gotten. She tried her best to stay a little more casual even if she loved any chance to dress up. Finally checking herself in the mirror, feeling her excitement growing by the second. When she stepped out and heard his compliment a blush immediately deepened on her cheeks. Doing a little spin to show off the dress. "That is always my goal to be completely unfair." She teased before walking over to him again, her arms opening up. "The food smells amazing, it makes me think of our very first date."

Patrick

Every time that Patrick looked at Jackie, it was almost like he fell in love all over again. He didn’t think it was possible for that to even happen but ever since he’d met Jackie, it seemed that anything was possible. His grin grew at her spin and he quickly wrapped her back in his arms again. “Well, you’re definitely exceeding your goal!” Pressing a kiss to her cheek, he glanced over at the food again. “I hope it tastes good too. It should be done in a second so why don’t you take a seat and I’ll serve it up.” Giving Jackie another quick kiss, he led her over to the table and pulled out the chair for her to sit down. Pouring a glass of wine for them both, he flashed Jackie a smile as he headed back over to the food to turn it off and started serving it up. “The good news is that the pasta didn’t burn this time.”

Jackie

Another laugh escaped her as he wrapped his arms around her again, her hands moving to wrap around his neck. She couldn't help but want to hold him close again, even for a moment. Getting lost in his gaze for a moment, "You are too, too handsome for words." Little moments like these when she was in his arms only reminded her of how lucky she felt to have him in her life. She never thought a year ago that she would be where she is now. Completely and totally in love with such a wonderful man. "I am sure it will, you made it with love. So that alone will make it amazing." She assured finally nodding, "I'm so excited to try it." Letting him lead her to the table, "Such a gentleman too." Watching him as she served up the food, "I knew you could do it, pasta can be a pain to get a hang of. But you seem to be doing it wonderfully."

Patrick 

Patrick finished serving up the pasta and took the plates over to the table. He placed one serving down in front of Jackie before sitting down opposite her. “I just hope we don’t get food poisoning as that will put a real dampener on our anniversary,” he laughed, picking up his glass and holding it out to Jackie. “I just want to say, before we possibly die, that I can’t believe we’ve been together for a whole year now. It honestly feels like yesterday when you first showed up at my door and stayed all weekend and now you live here with me. Thanks for sticking by me for this long and happy anniversary!”

Jackie

Jackie shook her head at his words laughing along with him, "Oh darling, I doubt that will happen. Maybe you'll need teach me a few things after I realize how amazing your cooking skills are." When he picked up his glass she picked hers up as well, finding her smile growing again. Her heart fluttering at his words, "Patrick...thank you for sticking with me. It has been the most wonderful year of my life. Thank you for showing me the most wonderful kind of happiness and how great it is to open your heart to the right person. I feel so lucky to be able to hold your heart and keep it safe and have you do the same for mine."

Patrick 

Her words made Patrick’s heart soar and he reached across the table to touch Jackie’s free hand. “Honestly, it’s been an honour to be able to call you mine and to be able to hold your heart. I love you so much, Jackie.” Smiling, he gently clinked their glasses together and took a sip. “Alright, I guess we better try the food and see how bad it really is.” Putting down his glass, Patrick picked up his fork and swirled up some of the pasta. “Okay, here goes,” he mused before putting the fork in his mouth. He chewed for a moment before shrugging. “It’s actually not bad.”

Jackie 

Jackie squeezed his hand once he took hers, getting lost in his eyes. Almost hoping that when their eyes met he could realize all the love she's feeling for him. "I love you too, Patrick. So much." Gladly taking a sip of the wine after their glasses clinked. So excited to finally try the food, setting down her own glass after him. Once she tried the food her face lit up all over again. "Not that bad? It is so good! The sauce, the seasonings and especially the noodles." The last part she teased, "It tastes great and it pairs perfectly with the wine too." Already finding herself twirling her fork again to get more of the pasta. "You need to be careful showing off these skills, I'll be craving pasta so much more now."

Patrick 

The blush that appeared on his face at Jackie’s compliment was bright red and he bit his lip as he smiled. “Really? I know it’s just my first try but I’m just super glad it’s not all burnt and crunchy.” He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment as he took another mouthful of pasta. “I still have so much that I would love to learn from you but I’m so glad that you like it,” he replied, taking a drink. “How did the classes go today?”

Jackie

Seeing that blush on his face only made her smile grow, "Yes, really. I didn't have this much luck with my first pasta dish." He deserved the praise and compliments for his hard work, the food really was good. "You know I'll always love teaching you, maybe we could even take classes together too. Learn something new." Making future plans of things for them to do together was one of her favorite things. "Oh they went so well!" She started before taking another drink. "The beginners class is getting so well at putting together choreography for a dance. I think I might be able to put them in a recital this summer. I am sure the parents would love a chance to see that."

Patrick

The compliments were just making Patrick’s smile grow along with the blush. Only Jackie was able to make him feel so incredibly proud at being able to do something as simple as cooking pasta. “That would be really fun. There were some couples there cooking together and it reminded me of that camping trip we took together when we cooked pizza.” Whenever Patrick thought about his future, Jackie was always there right beside him. That’s why tonight felt so important to him. He had to make sure he asked her at the right time. “That would be so cute! The beginners are always the ones that seem to be having the most fun too so I bet their parents would love seeing that.”

Jackie

Jackie instantly remembered that day, she always would. Not only how many memories they were able to make, but their first 'I love you' how it came so naturally for them. She sighed happily, "That was an amazing day wasn't it? We need to take more camping trips." It always felt like there were a world of possibilities of things she knew she wanted to experience with him. "But those cooking classes are totally on the list." All of these plans felt so much more exciting since he came home too, she wanted to make up for all the lost time. "Wouldn't it?" She gushed, "Goodness they are just getting better everyday and I would love to show off their talents before any of them move classes at the end of the cycle. The parents would be so proud, I know I am." It felt amazing that he always supported her teaching and seemed to really understand why she loved it so much. "Even the teens and adults are doing well too, one of them is really wanting to to London for school. To study dance." She could go on and on though, "What about you though? How was work?"

Patrick 

Patrick smiled as he remembered the trip and how it had been the start of the next step of their relationship. It was just one of many great memories he had with Jackie. “Maybe now that I’m back and the weather is getting warmer we can go away again soon.” Being away from Jackie for months had really cemented the fact for Patrick that he wanted to do everything he could with her, including things he never thought he would. “I’ll have to come by and watch a class again. Or if you do the recital, I’ll have to come by and watch the kids before they all grow up and move on.” Listening to Jackie flaking about dance was one of his favourite things. Her passion was just incredible. “That’s amazing! I bet they’ll kill it over there.” He shrugged though at her question about his work. After taking a drink, he replied, “Eh, same old. But good news is that I’ve finally finished the paperwork for my time away undercover so I can finally go back out in the field again!”

Jackie

"I would just love that, another little holiday with you. I think you especially deserve it." While he was away she swore that she made so many plans of things they could do once he got back. It was one of those things that made all of the days that passed easier. "You should! They miss you. When you were gone they even went on and on about you. They thought it was the coolest thing when you came and visited." It was always a highlight of her day when either of them could visit each other at work. She sighed though at what he said next. "It'll never get easier to see students go though, even if I am so proud of them." When he spoke she enjoyed more of the pasta. Her smile growing at his relief. "Finally? Thank goodness, sitting around with all that paper work can't be fun. The action must seriously make work that much easier."

Patrick 

“Maybe we can head over to Scotland and you can show me around your hometown?” Taking a few more bites of the pasta, Patrick smiled as Jackie mentioned the kids missing him. He loved getting a chance to visit Jackie when he could and he especially loved playing with the kids when they finished the class. “I love those kids. I really wasn’t into the idea of ever having kids until I met those little cuties.” He gave Jackie a sad smile. “I imagine that is what teachers feel all the time in schools when kids graduate and grow up. I bet Nate feels like that too.” Patrick thought for a moment about what Jackie said before nodding in agreement. “It really does. But I do forget it’s much quieter around here than it was while I was away working. But the quiet is nice and much less stressful.”

Jackie

Jackie's eyes lit up at the idea, "I would love nothing more. You can meet my family too if you'd want to. I mean actually get to meet them in person, but still." There are so many things that she would love for him to see and experience. "They could convince a person of anything couldn't they? Teaching them has done the same for me." She nodded at what he said next, "Gosh I really need to ask him how he can handle it. I am so happy for them though, I just have to try to focus on that." She shook her head, she can't think about that stuff now, there was still a lot of time left with them. "Is there one you like more? I must imagine it's nice to have a lot to do, but I'd imagine the stress with it being busy would just be...so much."

Patrick 

Patrick smiled at the look in Jackie’s eyes. He knew how much she wanted to take him to meet her family. “Of course I want to meet them in person! They mean so much to you so I want to get to know them. Besides, you’ve met all of my siblings so it’s only fair.” He’d actually very recently spoken to her parents with the help of Nate but he wasn’t ready to mention that just yet. “It’s because they’re so cute. Cuteness wins everybody over. I should know!” He teased with a grin. “I guess you just have to think about how you’ve done everything you can for them and now it’s up to them to live their lives.” He nodded in agreement with Jackie’s statement. “I think I like a bit of both. But it is really nice having a lot to do, but only if I can do it here with all my family and friends. And you, of course.”

Jackie

Jackie chuckled softly, “I’m afraid my parents won’t be as exciting.” She teased, “But I’m sure they will love you, especially with how much I’ve gushed about you and how happy you make me.” Her smile grew, “Cute people have so much power. I don’t know how you handle it.” She complimented again. Her smile softened though at what he said next, “You’re right...you always seem to know what to say. You know that right?” He always knew the words that would make any worry of hers float away, regardless of the size. “Family and friends really make any place better doesn’t it? Maybe they’ll have more chances for you to travel again. As long as they don’t keep you away for too long. If I ask nicely enough maybe I could come with you.”

Patrick 

Patrick grinned. “I’m sure they’ll be exciting but it’s definitely hard to beat the amount of drama and excitement the Clarington family brings to the table. I’m just picturing a family dinner and it would definitely end with either a death or an arrest.” As much as he joked about his family, he did love all of his siblings; most of the time anyway. “I hope so anyway. I love you like a ridiculous amount so I hope they don’t hate me.” With a shrug, Patrick finished off his pasta and picked up his glass. “It’s honestly a burden. But you would already know that since you’re much cuter than I am.” Finishing off his glass, Patrick shrugged again. “Really? I’m not great at giving advice so I’m glad I said the right thing this time.” The idea of taking Jackie along with him for another work stint was music to Patrick’s ears. “I’m sure you could. I’ll just have to put some extra security in to keep you safe if I end up undercover again but I would never let you get hurt.”

Jackie 

"I doubt they would, but even in the crazy insane chance that they do that wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change how much I love you and how important you are to me. They would just have to learn to love you." That is one thing she always hoped he always knew is that he would always be in her life. She would stay for as long as he wanted her around. Nothing could change that, she would never want to lose the special love that they have. Jackie chuckled though, "It is quite a weight on my shoulders, truly." She teased before finally finishing the pasta. "You always do, babe." Even his smile could make things better. "I know you wouldn't, I trust you with my life. If it could be done safely for you and your work I'd love that. I would even stay at where you live the whole time if it meant that I got to start and end the days with you."

Patrick 

“Well, I’m very good at impressing parents so I’ll just have to pull out all the stops to make sure they love me.” He laughed, knowing that it wouldn’t get to that point but it was still nice knowing that Jackie would still want to be with him either way. “That’s the best part of my day, when I get to start and end it with you. Or even come home after a night shift and being able to climb in bed with you.” Patrick climbed out of his seat and moved around the table collecting their dishes and taking them into the kitchen. He came back out and sat down next to Jackie with a smile. “So, I cheated with dessert and bought a cake from Bethany’s bakery but I had something I wanted to say before we had some.”

Jackie 

"If you're not too careful they may end up loving you more than their daughter with just how charming you are." Jackie said with a grin, it was hard not to when she got to hear his laugh. "Oh now that may be one of the best ways to wake up, with your arms wrapped around me." She sighed contently, "How I manage to still cuddle up in my sleep is amazing to me." Thanking him as he took the dishes, hoping she could help him with them later. When he sat down her eyes moved to his, reaching for his hand. Even just dinner was too long not being connected to him. "Grace's is amazing, you made a perfect choice." Plus he took the time to cook she'd hope he made something easy on himself. "Of course, I'm all ears." Even turning her body towards his, wanting to give him all of her attention.

Patrick 

“I highly doubt that. From what I’ve heard about them, you mean such a great deal to them. That’s why I hope they like me too.” Jackie’s content sign made his heart soar. “I guess that’s just one of those things we’ll never know the answer to.” Taking Jackie’s hand helped ease the nerves that had started building again. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. This was Jackie and the way their eyes met reminded him of how much she adored him. He swallowed hard for a moment before he began to talk. “Jackie, I just want you to know that you have completely changed my life. Before I met you, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel this way about someone. I didn’t think you could love someone with such an intensity. After losing my mother, I just completely shut down and didn’t want to feel anything ever again. I didn’t want to love anyone again because I was so scared of losing them and having to feel that pain all over again.” Pausing for a moment, he blinked away the tears that were forming and leant forward to press a kiss to Jackie’s cheek. “But after being shut down for so long, I met you. At first, I just loved spending time with you. I loved our flirty banter and the ease of our conversations. I don’t even really know when things changed from attraction to falling in love. I just know that they did and suddenly I was so scared of losing you. Of feeling so much pain that I wouldn’t be able to cope and it would destroy me forever. But then you made me realise that it’s okay to fall in love and it’s okay to open myself up again. That’s when I realised that whenever we talked about forever, I meant it.” Pausing again, Patrick’s free hand slipped into his pocket and pulled out the small box. “I guess what I really wanted to say the most is that I love you. I promise to love you forever. And I just want to know...” he pushed the chair he was sitting in back slightly so he could move forward and kneel on one knee in front of Jackie.

Opening the box, he held it out to Jackie. Inside was a white gold ring with a diamond in the centre with a ruby on either side. He wanted to find a way to include the colour red as a reminder of the roses he first sent Jackie and also of her favourite colour. “Jacqueline St. James, will you do me the incredible honour of choosing to be my forever?”

Jackie

As he spoke her heart couldn't prepare her for his words. Her heart ached but soared at the same time. She remembered those days like it was yesterday. Jackie's hand moved to his cheek for a moment, her thumb brushing along his skin. She was ready to wipe away any of his tears even if she felt her own welling up in her eyes. His words were warming her heart, she felt every single thing he said. She was looking back on the memories like they were yesterday. Jackie remembered how much her heart ached when she saw him hurt but how relieved she was when she was able to prove her dedication to him. Before she knew it she knew her words of forever were ones that she really meant. And she will always mean them, for forever. But nothing could prepare her for when she saw him pull the small box out of his pocket, surprise were written all over her face. Her heart swelling while also feeling it like it could beat out of her chest. "Patrick, darling..." She whispered, "I love you too." God, she could barley muster up any words. A gasp escaped her though when he opened the box to reveal a ring, the most beautiful ring. Her eyes darting between his and the ring. It was her favorite color, the color of the roses he first got her, the color she shared that she loved when they took their time to sit down and get to know each other. "Oh my god," Was all she could say at first, but the brightest smile spread on her face, already feeling the tears rolling down her cheeks. "Yes, it would be the most incredible honor I could ever have. I would be the luckiest person in the world...." She rambled before finally moving for her hands to rest on his cheeks before pulling him in for a kiss.

Patrick 

The silence between them as he watched Jackie process what he’d just asked was the scariest moment Patrick had encountered since he’d found out his mother was sick all those years ago. Tears were running down his own cheeks as he held his breath waiting for Jackie’s response until her face light up with the brightest smile he had ever seen and she finally spoke. He wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly at first but Jackie really had said yes and then she kissed him. The box fell from his grip as his arms wrapped around Jackie and he lifted them both to their feet so he could hold her close as they kissed. The nerves finally melted away and he finally realized that Jackie did want to marry him and she also meant it when she had said forever.

Jackie

As they kissed her thumbs brushed against his cheeks, wiping his tears away. There was no other answer but yes, she could even admit that she knew it at the start. Especially as their feelings developed and grew, she meant it when she said forever. She was ready for it for whatever that forever entailed, she would be happy as long as she got to spend it with him. Now being able to be his wife for forever? That sounded like a dream come true. All she could hope was that he could feel her love and happiness as they kissed. Giggling against his lips as he lifted her up, one of her hands moved into his hair. "I love you, I love you, god I love you so much." She mumbled against his lips. Only parting slightly to brush her nose against his, "You make me so happy you know that, right? With every single day, even more now. God I'm so lucky."

Patrick 

Her giggle had him grinning against her lips and still grinning as she pulled back slightly. Being away from Jackie for so long had been the trigger for Patrick to realize that he wanted to marry her. The distance was enough for him to know that he didn’t want to be away for Jackie for that long again and that he always wanted to be able to start and end his day with her by his side. Patrick could feel her tears on her cheek and he pulled back a little further to kiss them all away. “I love you more than I think I’ll ever be able to tell you.” Pressing another kiss to Jackie’s lips, he rested his head against hers with another smile. “I’m really glad. I just want to do everything I can to make you happy because you make me so incredibly happy.”

Jackie 

"Then we'll just show each other as often as we can." When his forehead rested on hers she finally let her eyes open, almost instantly getting lost in his. "I didn't think it was possible to feel this happy, but you manage to prove to me that it's possible every single day." Her voice still soft, her eyes sparkling with love. "I'm just...goodness I can barely put together words or thoughts." She laughed softly, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "I am just so glad that you gave me a chance, that you trusted me. With your story, with your concerns and with your heart. I know how hard that was, how scary it was for both of us to open our hearts....but for some reason it always felt right." Her thumb brushed along his cheek, "And I am so glad it does. I use to feel like when people talked about finding their person...or their soulmate and I just thought it was a story. You made that real for me, Patrick. You made falling in love and loving myself all over again a reality." Jackie couldn't help but feel herself tear up again. "And now I'm lucky enough to call you my fiance....my soon to be husband."

Patrick 

When their eyes met, Patrick instantly felt at ease. He loved how easily he could just get lost in her eyes. As she spoke again, he listened intently, never dropping his gaze. “I’m just so glad that you were happy to give me the time and space that I needed to get myself to a point where I could let you in. And that you were willing to open your heart to me despite how scared you were. You’re right though. Everything between us has always just felt right.” His fingers stroked her hip as Jackie continued to talk. “I get that. After watching Hunter marry Levi and knowing that he was able to find someone who loved him even though he’s a massive pain in the ass, I realised that maybe you can find that person. Then I met you and I just knew you were someone special. I’m really glad that I made it all a reality for you.”  Patrick saw her eyes fill with tears again and he pressed a kiss to her lips with a smile. “I can’t believe I get to marry you.”

Jackie 

"I would do anything for you," Her voice soft, "We both needed someone to lean on, someone to prove to us how much good there could be in the world." When she felt his touch on her hip her smile grew. Laughing when he talked about Hunter and Levi, "I will forever be thankful for that." She said softly, still smiling against his lips as they kissed. "It almost feels like a dream still." Jackie admitted, "But I can't wait...It'll be the one of the best days ever." One of her hands moving up to wipe some of her tears away, "Oh my gosh I can't even control my emotions I'm just feeling so many of them." Chuckling softly before sighing, "This was perfect, babe. Everything is, you are..." She rambled off again, she had a feeling she would be either speechless or rambling for quite awhile after this. "There aren't even words..."

Patrick 

“And I would do anything for you, my love,” he replied with a small smile. As Jackie started talking again  and got overwhelmed with various emotions, Patrick just held her close and listened with a smile. “I know how you feel. I’ve been a mess of emotions all day. I couldn’t even concentrate at work.” He laughed. “I mean, I’m often distracted at work but that’s not the point.” His smile returned. “But it’s okay that you’re a bit overwhelmed. That’s why I thought for dessert we could just have some cake and you can pick a movie and we’ll just veg out in front of the TV.”

Jackie

The way he held her close as she talked about all the emotions that were overwhelming her made her heart swell even more. "I don't know how you managed to do it, keeping something in like this." She laughed, "God I would have wanted to tell you as soon as I got the ring, if I were you." Her fingers started to brush through his hair. His next words though made her expressions soften. "Patrick...goodness you really did think of everything didn't you? You know me so well. I promise though that I'm overwhelmed in the best way though." A bright smile on her face, "A kind of happy I didn't even realize was possible."

Patrick 

He laughed as Jackie talked about him keeping it a secret. “I bought the ring before I went away undercover but I wasn’t sure when I was going to ask you until I was away and realised I wanted to ask you sooner rather than later. Then when I got back I went to Nate and asked him to help me get in contact with your parents so I could let them know that I was asking you and that I couldn’t wait to meet them in person soon. Then I just had to get the balls to actually ask you!” His head tilted slightly towards Jackie’s fingers and Patrick smiled. “I know. I just know how I felt getting myself to a point to able to ask you so I knew how much it would be for you, especially since it was a surprise.” His smile grew even bigger. “You are, and always will be, my everything. I just want you to know that.”

Jackie 

Jackie's heart melted, "Oh Patrick that is so cute, I could just melt!" She gushed, her bright smile only grow. "You got to talk to my brother and my parents?" Jackie hid her face against his chest for a moment, trying so hard not to squeal. "Oh my gosh I bet they were so happy to meet you." She mumbled before finally picking her head up to meet his eyes. "I love you so much you know that right? You did it perfectly, this all went so well. And the fact that you've had it for that long?" Jackie sighed happily, "Thank goodness we have a whole night together so I can just feel all of these amazing feelings." A soft laugh escaping her, before she finally kissed him again. "You are mine too, my whole world. You always will be."

Patrick 

Patrick blushed behind his smile. “I even FaceTimed with them so they could see my face. It’s much harder to impress with just my voice,” he teased. “They were really nice and I think your mother really likes me. I’m not sure about your father but he did smile a few times so I must have said something right.” He pressed a kiss to her hair when her face hid against his chest. “I know. I love you too. But it’s always nice to hear you say it,” he replied with a grin. “I can always call in sick tomorrow if we need more time to feel these feelings.” His laugh mirrored Jackie’s before their lips met again. He knew he’d never get tired of her kisses.

Jackie 

"They got to see your adorable face? You must have just won them over as soon as their facetime connected." She teased, her thumb brushing along his cheek." Just the sight of his smile never failed to make her want to melt. "Oh really? That is perfect! I just spoke to them the other day and they let off no hints at all! They must have been determined to make this perfect too." Her smile grew when he kissed her head. Her eyes lit up though at what he said next. "I could have a whole second day to cuddle with my soon to be husband?" She asked hopefully "I think I can take the day off too." There were only a few private lessons she had, but those could always be rescheduled. Especially for a day that she could get to spend with Patrick.

Patrick 

“I think your mother might have actually swooned,” he teased with a smirk. “It might be the reason why your father might not like me so much. But I told them when I was going to do it so I guess they didn’t want to ruin the surprise by telling you beforehand.” He shrugged. “I feel like I deserve an extra day with my wife-to-be, especially after being away from her for so long. I’m sure the captain will forgive me.” If all else failed, he could always just make up the time somewhere else. “Maybe we should take him some food though, just in case.”

Jackie

Jackie couldn’t help but chuckle, “I don’t blame her, with that charm and award winning smile.” That smirk made her eyes wander down to his lips for a moment, “You are never fair.” She mumbled before continuing, “I’m sure he will warm up to you once he meets you though.” Her hands moved down to rest on his chest, “He will have to but I will gladly break out some cookies and puppy dog eyes to really remind him how important this extra day off is.” She thought, remembering what his favorites were. “But I think me being sad about you being away too long should make him say yes in a heart beat. I gave him so much trouble when you were gone.”

Patrick 

Patrick shrugged. “I swear I didn’t mean to charm her but sometimes I just can’t help it.” The smirk morphed into a large grin. “I hope so. I’m excited to meet them both in person.” He really couldn’t wait to spend time with what were now his future in-laws and learn more about what Jackie had been like as a child. “I think the cookies and puppy dog eyes might be enough just help butter him up though. But I feel like he should have expected trouble from you for sending me away that long.”

Jackie

"Well now we need to go see them soon, especially when there is such great news to celebrate!" Her own grin matching his, "There is so much for me to show you and just so much to do there." But she nodded at his mention of cookies, there were a few recipes that she new could be put together pretty quickly. "Cookies and puppy dog eyes it is. At least for tonight we are free right? We can enjoy that cake and cuddle up together. I bet you made an amazing choice with the cake too."

Patrick 

“We might as well make a big trip of it and make it a road trip. I’m overdue to take some time off anyway.” He nodded. “I can’t wait to see all of your favourite places from your childhood.” Patrick gave Jackie a quick kiss before nodding again. “Definitely. I’m not even on call so nothing can pull me away from cake and cuddles with my beautiful fiancé. I went with the traditional chocolate cake because it’s always a good choice.”

Jackie

Jackie's eyes lit up all over again at the idea, "Yes please! We can get all our favorite snacks, make a playlist...oh it'll be amazing!" She clapped her hands together for a moment before resting her hands on his chest again."There are so many great things to show you, even an Italian place you'll love." Jackie rambled on before sighing, "Not even on call? Oh that's perfect." She couldn't help but reach up and steal another kiss. "The best choice, nothing else could compare." Finally glancing down to the box on the floor, chuckling softly. "I think we may have forgotten one thing."

Patrick 

Patrick loved the way Jackie’s eyes light up she talked about their future trip. “I’ll handle the snacks, you handle the playlist.” If there was one thing Patrick knew he could handle, it was buying way too much food. “I do love myself some Italian.” He replied with a grin. “One of the guys owed me so they’re on call for tonight instead.” His eyes followed Jackie’s down to the box on the floor and he laughed before bending down to pick it up. “Yes, I feel like this was the most important part.” He was still chuckling as he removed the ring from the box and gently placed it on Jackie’s ring finger. “Oh wow, it actually fits! I really wasn’t sure about the size so I let the lady at the jewellers pick the size for me. I must call and thank her!”

Jackie

"Perfect, the most perfect pair actually." She felt like she would be in this wonderful mood for forever after tonight. She was happy about anything and everything. Already making plans in her mind for them. "I may need to make cookies for him too." Jackie gladly held out her hand for him to put on the ring, feeling her heart swell all over again. "Not only does it fit but it is so beautiful!" She gushed before bringing her hand up to admire the ring. "It was just meant to be was't it? I'll have to thank her too. I swear this is better than any ring I could have imagined." Finally her eyes moved back to his, "But I think I love it so much more because you picked it."

Patrick 

Patrick loved thinking about their future together and all of the fun and amazing things they would get to do together. “Maybe we should just make a batch for the whole station.” Seeing Jackie wearing the ring he had bought was such an amazing feeling. He still couldn’t believe she’d said yes. “I’m really glad you love it. I looked at so many different ones and the lady mentioned that I can customise a ring if I want because nothing was quite right.” He smiled as their eyes met again. “Well, whenever you’re ready, let me know and I’ll cut us some pieces of cake and you pick the movie for us to watch. I really just want to cuddle with you all night.”

Jackie

Jackie nodded, a bright smile still on her face, "That would be perfect, we'll have to try our best not to get too distracted by each other though." She teased, really loving any chance she had to bake with him. Hearing the story of him picking the ring though warmed her heart. "You really did all of that?" Jackie sighed happily, "You are warming my heart. You made such a great choice, I love it. It's like it tells so much of our story on it's own." She glanced down at the ring again for a moment, before nodding. "Yes, yes as much as I'd love to stay in your arms I'll be back there soon." Jackie said before laughing softly, "Maybe choose a cute rom com or Disney movie to bask in all these emotions." Finally pressing one more quick kiss to his lips before heading into the living room.

Patrick

Patrick grinned. “I can’t help but get distracted by you.” As much as loved learning about cooking with Jackie, he knew it took him much longer than it should because he was so easily distracted by her. “I did. I just wanted the ring to be perfect. I know everybody says that the ring isn’t what’s important but since you’re going to be wearing it for the rest of your life, I really wanted you to like it.” Smiling after Jackie, he headed into the kitchen to cut two pieces of cake before following her into the living room. “So, what did you decide?” He asked as he handed Jackie her piece of cake and sat down beside her.

Jackie

"Well I love it, so much. It is quickly becoming one of my favorite things ever. Next to you of course." She teased. Setting up the couch for them, getting their most comfortable blanket so they can really relax and enjoy the movie. Finally she was scrolling through Disney+ when he came back in. Patting the spot next to her before she took the plate. "Oh babe, this looks so good." Not being able to help but wiggle from excitement in her spot. "Oh yes, movies." She said after another moment, "I was tied between Mulan, The Little Mermaid or 13 going on 30."

Patrick 

“You’re definitely still my favourite thing,” he replied with a soft smile. Somehow Jackie just made him so soft and loving. Her wiggle of excitement turned his smile into a grin as he leant over to kiss her cheek. “Have I told you that I love you today? Because you are the cutest!” Listening to the movie options, Patrick hummed to himself for a moment. “I think such a cheesy and romantic night calls for a cheesy and romantic movie. Let’s go for 13 going on 30!”

Jackie

Jackie couldn't help but pout for a second before caving and smiling, "You are so cute you know that right? You are making my heart melt!" When he kissed her cheek her own smile grew even more. "I think you've said it a few times today, but I wouldn't mind hearing it a few more times." Finding a blush quickly growing on her cheeks. "You're even cuter." She complimented, "I totally agree, cheesy and romantic is perfect. I'll try not to melt from all the cute." Jackie gushed before pressing play then taking a bite of the cake. "Oh now this makes today even more perfect."

Patrick 

Patrick grinned at Jackie’s pout. She always looked so incredibly cute. “I’d apologise but I’m not sorry,” he replied with a shrug. “I love you, Jackie. I can’t wait to enjoy forever with you.” He leant over to kiss Jackie’s cheek again as she blushed and nuzzled into her neck. “Let’s just stay here forever in this moment, okay? I want to enjoy this cheesy and romantic night forever.”

Jackie 

“I suppose I can forgive you.” She teased with a smile, it felt hard to not have one on her face after tonight. “I love you too, my darling. It’ll be the best forever. I wouldn’t want to enjoy it with anyone else.” Jackie hummed happily as he nuzzled against her neck. One of her hands moving into his hair to hold him closer to her. “Can we please? I think we deserve for it to last as long as possible. In our happy little bubble.”

Patrick 

“Well that’s good because I wouldn’t want to lose you.” Her smile was so infectious and it always made Patrick want to smile. “I hope so. All I want is to be able to keep you happy forever. It’s only fair for how happy you make me.” He smiled against Jackie’s neck and nuzzled even further in. Just laying here with Jackie and being able to inhale her scent was a wonderful feeling. “Perfect, it’s settled then. We’ll stay here forever.”

Jackie 

“Don’t you know you’re stuck with me?” She teased, not being able to help but lean in and kiss his head. Feeling his smile against her next made her heart feel like it grew multiple sizes. Her fingers starting to move through his hair, “You have done an amazing job of it and you will continue to. I just know it.” She assured, loving the feeling of being this close to him. “Forever and ever?” She teased before cuddling closer to him.

Patrick 

“I am? Well, I guess I’m okay with that,” Patrick teased back, smiling when he felt her lips on his head. His eyes closed as her fingers moved through his hair. She always had a knack for making him feel so safe and loved. “Good, that’s good.” Patrick loved whenever he got to be in their little love bubble together and we’re able to disappear from the world for a moment. “Forever and ever.”

Jackie 

“You think you can manage with that?” She was quickly feeling herself get lost in their little bubble. All of this still felt like a dream, like she had to pinch herself to make sure it was all real. “I wouldn’t want it any other way. If anything I wonder if forever and ever would even be enough time for me to have with you. I think I might just need a little more.” It was true though, she would never not feel like for being able to spend forever with him. She’d always hope they would have all the time together and more. And now she’d get to spend that time as his wife. It was the most amazing feeling.

Patrick 

“I think I can. It will be a struggle but I’ll push through.” He laughed out loud for a moment before nuzzling into Jackie’s neck again. “Like, infinity? Or whatever it is that people say when they’re trying to win an argument about how much they love each other. I’d be okay with infinity.” It was almost like he’d known when he first met Jackie that he wanted to spend forever just getting to know her and enjoying their life together. And now they would be.

Jackie

"You are the strongest person I know." Jackie laughed about with him, before cuddling up with him again. Loving the feeling of him being so close to her, she stole another kiss at the top of his head again. She hummed as she thought of the word, "You know infinity has such a great ring to it." Sighing contently as she continued to move her fingers through his hair. "Infinity is going to the best, I just know it. So much time to make more memories, go on more adventures....and fall even more in love with each other. It'll be amazing."

Patrick 

“Only because of you.” Patrick pressed a kiss to Jackie’s neck as he hummed contently at the feel of her fingers in his hair. He moved his head a little to glance down at Jackie’s hand and the ring again. “Most definitely. I can’t wait to enjoy all of the memories throughout infinity with you. For now, I think we should watch this movie to end this perfect night. And the start of many more to come.”

Jackie

"You are tugging at my heart strings..." Jackie couldn't help but hum as well when he kissed her neck, but once she felt his head moved she glanced down. Holding her hand up as well, having a feeling he was looking at the same thing she was. "I think that sounds like a perfect idea, my love. What a great start to infinity..." She pressed another kiss to his head before finally turning on the movie.

[be-the-creature-fan]

The River by be-the-creatue-fan (Read my first story AIN'T NO TIME LIKE 1969 before reading this story)

Chapter 1

"Martin? What are you doing here again? Dr. Corvado was looking everywhere for you!"

Martin turned around to see who was talking to him.

"Mom?! What are you doing here?"

"It's a good thing that we've found you in time." Linda Kratt said as she grabbed Martin arm and took Martin away from the tomb stone.

"Mom, what are you doing? where are you taking me?"

She didn't say a single word and they both continued walking until they got to the parking lot. There stood an ambulance type vehicle with several doctors and police officers that ran towards him.

"Mom? MOM! What are you doing? what's going on!?"

Linda remained silent but her eyes were starting to water up as the doctors restrained him and shoved him into the back. One of the doctors looked very familiar, Martin looked at the name tag that was on the doctors shirt. Dr Corvado.

"Aviva! Oh man it's so good to see a familiar face!"

But Aviva didn't say a word, and ignored him. Martin being very confused still tried to talk to her, but with no luck.

"Aviva it's me Martin, Me, You, Chris, Koki and Jimmy would go around the world to rescue animals. you're a genius inventor and-"

"Smith! he's speaking crazy talk again, we should probably give him the shot now."

"Alright Corvado he's your patient."

"Wait what shot? Aviva you have to listen to me we were friends you have to beli-"

And just like that Martin was out cold.

Chapter 2

(Flashback to July 20th 1973)

It was what you would call a perfect summer day, the sun was shining, the sky was blue and excitement was still in the air. Chris had just celebrated his 4th birthday and he was still hyped about being another year older, but he was even more excited to go with Martin and his older sisters to the near by river at the place where the whole family camped.

"Bill are you sure Chris is old enough to go with them to that river?"

"Linda, of course he's old enough, they're going to the shallow part of the river, and plus I'll be close by incase the kids need anything."

"Oh alright, have fun you guys!"

As Bill, Martin, his sisters and Chris got closer to the river the more excited Chris became.

"Martin are we there yet?"

"It's going to be awhile until we get there, but don't worry we'll be in there in no time"

But Chris wasn't the most patient kid and decided to run ahead.

"Now Chris don't run to far ahead yah hear!" Bill called out.

"I won't!"

After a while of walking and running they finally made it to the river, only to find it flooded from the storm the night before.

"Welp, looks like we can't go swimming gang"

"WHAT!? But why Daddy?" Chris winned

"Well you see squirt, the river is over flooded, it's too dangerous to go swimming, but, it's not to dangerous to go berry picking" Bill said as he pointed towards some blackberry bushes. "Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Uh I guess" Chris said a little disappointed.

So Martin, his sisters and Chris started picking blackberries close to the river as Bill went fishing just up river not to far from them.

"Man it's hot outside, I'm gonna cool off in the river"

"But Martin, Daddy said to not go in the river because it's to dangerous" Chris said

"Yea, he said it was dangerous for you because your to little"

"I'm not too little, I just turned 4!"

"Yea, and I'm 7 almost 8, I'm technically a man, and I'm old enough to go into the river if I want to."

Chris didn't take that to kindly and wanted to prove that he wasn't the little kid that everybody thought he was. When no one was watching he decided that's when he would make his move to go into the river.

"Chris what are you doing?" Susan said (one of the twin sisters)

Chris didn't respond as he jumped into the river. Chris underestimated the depth and power of the river as he was swept away by the strong current.

"MARTIN! Chris jumped in the river!" "He's getting carried down river!"Both Christine and Susan screamed.

Martin turned around to see Chris's head pop out for a split second, before the current pulled it back down.

"Susan! Go and get Dad! Me and Christine will try to get Chris out!"

Susan ran to get Bill as Martin got out of the river because even he knew that the current was to strong for him.

"MARTIN! HELP ME! *GASP* MOMMA ,PAPA *GASP* SAVE ME!...... save me....." Chris's head went under again.

"CHRIS! NOOOOO!"

(A few hours later)

Mr and Mrs. Kratt, we've found your son's body down river and I regret to inform you that your son didn't make . We are so sorry for your lost. we need-....................................

Martin and his sisters were sitting inside the trailer, he could hear his mom screaming in agony, he looked out the window to see them both crying. That's when Martin knew, but that's not how it was happen, Chris didn't die, he couldn't have died, he didn't die, he didn't die, he didn't die!

(Back in Present day)

Martin woke up to find himself in what seemed to be some sort of jail cell.

"Martin, you awake?"

"Jimmy? Is that you?"

Chapter 3

"Jimmy! Oh my gosh I'm so glad you're here! Where is here anyways"

"We're in some sort of insane esylem, but that's all I know because HOW ON EARTH DID WE GET HERE!!!"

"What is the last thing you remember?"

"Well, I was asleep in the Tortuga and the next thing I heard was sombody screaming and when I woke up I ended up here. I saw Aviva but for some reason she didn't respond, it was like she didn't recognize me"

"Wait do you remember Chris being alive?"

"Yea why wouldn't he be alive...unless. What happened while I was asleep?"

Martin explained what had happened to him, Chris's gravestone. the strange dream and how Aviva treated him on his way to the esylem.

"Oh my gosh...OH MY GOSH!"

"Jimmy what is it?"

"Its all wrong, this wasn't supposed to happen, when Chris went to the past, something happened that messed up the space time continuum."

"Well, how are we going to fix it?!"

"I-I don't know, its going to be hard to find the cause of how or what caused this to be our new reality. Time is very complicated stuff."

"Wait, how do you know about this stuff?"

"Martin, I don't just sleep, eat pizza and play video games all day. I usually subcaunsely listen to what Aviva and Koki talk about when it comes to complicated things like time trampolines and such."

"Oh"

"Hey Cell 37! SHUT UP!"

Martin and Jimmy turned to see one of the guards banging his fist on thier cell door. Then they saw the shadows of two other faceless figures before the door opened.

"I don't know how you escaped this time, but we'll make sure that it doesn't happen again yah hear?" The first person said

Martin and Jimmy were very confused as the 2nd figure walked in. Aviva walked in with a huge syringe. That was the last thing both Martin and Jimmy remembered.

Chapter 4

Martin and Jimmy were laying on their bunks. Numb, Cold, Afraid, their heads were pounding and they both were uncontrollable twitching. Martin's eyes began to water from the pain that he felt. Jimmy on the other hand felt anger and rage, his blood began to boil. Jimmy jumped from his bunk and ran to their cell door.

"YOU HEARTLESS SWINE!!! WE'RE NOT THE CRAZY ONES, YOU'RE THE CRAZY BIT-"

"Jimmy?" Martin said with a weak voice. "Was Chris ever alive? Or was I just crazy this whole time?"

"No, Martin, your not crazy, we're not crazy, Chris was alive. He was alive..."

The Next few days were rough for Jimmy and Martin as their hope began to dwindle. Martin kept having the same nightmares of his brother's death as well as having the same horrible dream of him just disappearing from existence like what he had originally witnessed, as the days passed it was getting harder to believe what was true. Jimmy was also going through a rough time. He still felt utterly betrayed by Aviva and missed Koki dearly.

"I wonder where Koki is?"

"Who knows." Martin said kind of miffed

"You know I loved her, right? I-I wanted to tell her how I felt...b-but I was always too chicken, a-and now I might never get the chance."

"Well sucks to be you. At least Koki might be alive somewhere, but guess what, Chris is dead and everyone thinks I'm a looney!"

Jimmy fell silent as he was to angry to say a word.

Weeks turned into months and not a word was spoken.

Until one day Martin overheard a conversation.

"I think I did it!"

"Did what Ms Corvado?"

"Well, for the past couple of years I've been working on a time machine and now I've think I've done it!"

"So she has been working on a time machine" Jimmy said kind of miffed.

"But what good would that do" Martin said feeling rather hopeless "it not like we can fix any of this, or can we..."

(Meanwhile with Chris)

Martin, that was the last thing Chris saw before he felt as if he was drowning. Fear was the last feeling that Chris had before he dissapeared into the abyss.

"Wh-Where am I?"

But the only response he got was an echo. His surroundings were white at first before becoming more clear. The first thing that came into focus was the green grass and the surrounding tombstones, soon more things came into focus he spotted Martin standing infront of one of the tombstones.

"Martin!" Chris yelled as he ran towards his brother to embrace him, but he went right through him.

Martin didn't hear him, he couldn't hear him, he couldn't feel him, Chris was nothing more than a soul.

(I'm putting this story on hold I am so sorry for leaving this on a cliff hanger I just need to think how I'm going to continue the story because honestly I ran out of ideas. Oop)

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

Hey! For the Writing Prompts thing, I'd like to ask for a hand-holding prompt :) with a side of closeted bi Dean please! Throw in online dating if you can! Thank you!

Thank you for the prompt! I enjoyed writing this, except for the part where I had to end it abruptly to fit in the general limit; but it was a great prompt! Here ya go -

Dean Winchester doesn’t do ‘online dating’.

But what he can agree to, while sufficiently drunk and not thinking, is setting up a profile on one of those sites that Charlie says are for gays who aren’t looking to put out on the first date - as long as the Impala is his profile picture.

(They work out a compromise, and @impala67 ends up having Dean on the profile himself, but he’s leaning against the Impala so that’s something.)

Another thing Dean didn’t expect to do was meet men like Castiel on there. Or find himself looking, for that matter. This time, its far from a compromise when they ‘match’ according to the site programming crap, and end up talking - its more like one of the best things that’s ever happened to him.

He even starts using punctuations and honest to god grammar in his texts, so that’s saying something.

Castiel Novak is something of a regular in Dean’s head now, and texting him is easy and fun and when they talk, sometimes he’s laughing at his screen - and when they flirt, sometimes he ends up red, so that’s how it was. It was good. Cas was awesome, and funny, and smart, and dorky, and sorta into him - and Dean was more pleased than he’d expect.

Until, one average grey evening, after a morning of sparsely talking about zucchini fries and Led Zepp - Cas ups and sends him a ’I think we should meet soon’ with a smiley face, and the lack of snark is a reminder of how serious this is - and Dean is so completely thrown off that he reads the message another seven times and then shoves the phone away instead of replying.

It must be noted, right around this point, that Dean Winchester was still an emotionally repressed, closeted asshole who’d probably never said the word ’bisexual’ out loud in general public, ever.

*

He’s made aware, with equal alarm and surprise, of the intensity of his attraction to Cas freakishly soon, because when Cas hesitantly follows it up with a question tag, Dean’s thumbs are rushing to type out the ’yes’.

Because, apparently, he thinks they should meet soon, too.

*

Cas insists, coming off as happy, that he’d make the plans for the date. Dean doesn’t put up much of an opposition to that anyways.

So when Thursday comes along, Dean drives to the largest Starbucks on 4th, where they decided to meet, and waits outside in his car for Cas to show up first - still indecisive and fighting with the resolute voice in his head which asked him to ditch, and delete Cas’s phone number, and move to Alaska for good measures.

When its three minutes past seven, his sonuvabitch alter-ego is fucking winning. Some part of Dean is making it impossible to get the car in gear and leave - but it’s getting weaker and weaker. Sure, he’s slept around with men and women alike, enough to be assured of his 'equal preferences’ character - but he hasn’t done this before. Hasn’t been on a motherfucking date with a man. Hasn’t met somebody he’s been texting for almost a month now, at a goddamn Starbucks, for a date. He hasn’t done any of this shit, and he’s freaking out.

But Cas is Cas.

And Dean knows that guy, even though he only has a mental picture of a black-haired Caucasian male to go with it (Cas wasn’t big on descriptions or exchanging selfies anymore than Dean was) and he knows that he’s gonna regret leaving if he does.

So in spite of the fact that it’s probably the wrong decision, Dean for once doesn’t act out in a rush of adrenaline and speed off, but waits.

And then his phone buzzes, and Dean anxiously reads the notification of a new text.

Dean whips his head up to look for Cas, because the message implies that Cas is there already.

>>> you at starbucks already?

Fucking where, Dean mutters to himself, looking around even more keenly. He can’t, for the sake of anything, see someone who resembles his mental image of the guy. Suddenly, everyone has blonde hair and everyone has boobs. No one looks like what Dean imagines the source of that magnificent whiskey-over-gravel voice to look like.

He’s a fucking idiot. He should’ve asked for a photo. For a snap of his fucking passport, maybe.

>>> me too

Dean pauses, sucking in a breath. He doesn’t know what to do, and now the voice in his head is getting louder than ever. Perhaps this was a sign or some of that philosophical Universe crap.

But now’s too late to bail.

Dean should’ve been more of himself (an asshole) to Cas, and he wouldn’t have wanted to meet then. Screw him for bringing out a side of Dean he didn’t know he even had - charming without the disgusting, funny without being obnoxious, interested and not just pretending to listen for the sake of getting laid.

His thumbs did an anxious dance, hovering over his keyboard, wondering how to tell Cas in the most sane-ish way ever, that he thought that they should depart and continue to text and call for the rest of their goddamn lives, if Cas would have him - but just not have to be here at this moment.

But just then, there’s a sound, and Dean could get freaking whiplash as he turns, with a yelp.

A sharp tap on his window.

Followed by a man bending to come into Dean’s line of sight through the frosted window - blue eyes and a jawline, a seven-o'clock shadow and chapped lips - gorgeous and fucking black hair.

He wore a beige trenchcoat, and his somehow blue eyes were widened in surprise and recognition, though Dean knew they’d never seen each other before - because you don’t forget a man who looks like that. He was tall, judging from how low he bent from his hip, and strongly built. He didn’t say a word but “Dean?”, and yep. It was Cas.

Dean sort of slammed his door against Castiel as he scrambled out - all of his thoughts of running away, fading gradually in the backdrop of meeting this man. He was face to face, with a man who’d been making him chuckle and blush and stay awake most of the night - and the man apparently had a handsome fucking face too.

Cas stared back, having to look up a mere inch to meet Dean’s eyes. “Hello, Dean.”

And Dean knew that he wasn’t gonna walk out on this evening, even if Cas’s idea of a good date was gardening.

*

As the evening goes on, Cas’s voice begins to drown out most of Dean’s insecurities.

He’s fully assured in his capability to freak, and knows that he’ll probably have a passable panic attack the moment he returns to the solitude of his apartment - but at the moment, walking next to Cas, after a lovely dinner at a burger joint - talking and listening and exchanging stories punctuated by private glances; he isn’t really thinking anymore of the fact that he’s on a serious-as-fuck date with a man.

A date that involved dinner, dessert, and now walking. If there was moonlight, and it was a secluded area of the town, it had to be an overlookable event.

Then Cas suddenly turns to him, and his eyes are wide with a new excitement and Dean is intrigued and has to ask. “What, Cas?”

“What are your thoughts on carriages, Dean?” He says, in a voice which is a tad bit softer than his usual baritone.

“Huh?”

“Well,” Cas begins to ramble, and Dean listens with raised eyebrows. “You knowthis is new to me, and I’ve hardly ever dated someone I don’t know like you - but this is you and here we are, and to say the least, this evening is sort of like a surprise dream for a thirty-one years old nonentity in accountancy like me - and it’s been all comfortable and mellow, but I want a spark -”

“It’s not even been four hours yet, and we’ve lost our spark?” Dean threw back, grinning. Cas rolled his eyes, and shook his head - adorably not composed for perhaps the first time.

“I mean, its been a good date, but I want this to be more memorable, and I want us to do something spontaneously that’s not just dinner and walks - and for the sake of saying that we did it someday, and I want that we -” Cas paused, breathless. “Am I being weird, Dean?”

“Nah, you’re being sorta cute.” Dean muttered, only loud enough for Cas to hear. “Go on, you want us to do something impulsive, for no reason?” He can’t help but grin. “Like what, Cas?”

And Cas slowly turns his head, deliberating Dean to follow his gaze to the actual carriage on the road. Its larger than Baby, and has wheels, and is attached to a couple of white horses, and is, all in all, a goddamn carriage.

“So,” Cas mumbled, looking up at him through his eyelashes and making Dean’s chest hurt with the intensity of the throbbing. “What are your thoughts on carriages, Dean?”

*

“This is ridiculous.” Dean declares, after Cas has climbed up after him, and sat down next to Dean, thighs brushing, looking fucking pleased with the entire situation.

The carriage was goddamn moving. And Dean Winchester was sat in it.

It was a difficult thing to process. Horses were trotting (or doing their cantor thing) and there was a man in a tuxedo sitting a metre in front of them - who’s job was to conduct stupid people like Dean and Cas wherever they want, in his black carriage.

Which looked like it was out of a goddamn storybook.

Dean exchanged a glance with Cas, who’d been steadily beaming at Dean.

“Why?” Dean mouthed, because he didn’t know if he wanted to say anything out loud, since the tuxedo guy in front could hear them clearly.

“Because we’d already walked a long way, and you had to get to your car, to get home.” Cas reasoned, with a grin - and a little part of Dean could roll his eyes but most of him fucking melted because Castiel fucking Novak was adorable, and liked carriages and spoke about what he wanted to do, and needed reassurance that he wasn’t being weird in the middle of a proposal - and made him sit in a real carriage.

Instead, outwardly, Dean blinked twice, and stopped speaking completely.

*

Okay.

So maybe the carriage wasn’t totally a bad thing. There was some fun in the idea of it, if he could get past the terrifying thought of people who knew Dean, seeing him ride a carriage with a man. If he could get past it, there was the whole element of freaking awesome.

But the guy driving it (can it be called driving if there isn’t a motor, Dean couldn’t decide) was a real fucking issue.

Dean hadn’t even thought about it, really.

The more he spoke to his passengers - starting from the weather, moving to the Mets - the more they came to know that the guy was a hot-blooded homophobic redneck, who genuinely believed Dean and Cas were platonically riding his carriage as bros hanging out - against the alternative of believing that two (sorta) homosexual men were on a date in this scenario.

Frankly speaking, he felt like a goddamn mirror for Dean’s dad - and he hated it with a passion but it closed him up completely.

The guy even looked largely like John.

Silent to the point of hostile, Dean stared out the carriage. Cas carried on a customary, small-talk conversation which sounded uncomfortable.

“…so that’s what I meant when I said, girls really love these carriages, man.” The man guffawed, and when Cas only politely grinned in response, he was silent for a moment.

Dean’s eyes finally met Cas’s.

Cas looked at him, upset. “Do you want to get off?” He whispered, and before Dean could answer that he didn’t mind the ride, but how can you not see the circumstances in which we’re riding this romantic-as-hell thing, Cas - the man spoke up himself.

“What, you want to get off?” He asked, peeping at Dean over his shoulder. “Don’t like the speed? You want me to make it go faster, you know you only gotta ask me once, brother.”

“I’m good.” Dean gritted through his teeth, barely meeting Cas’s eyes again.

“Dean,” Cas repeated, imploring. “I’m sorry, and we can really get off -”

“No, Cas,” Dean snapped. “I’m having a good time.” And it was not bothering him that the driver reminded him of his fucking dad - the infamous John Winchester, who had screwed Dean up in a million different ways, and was the foremost to blame for his current state of closeted asshole-ness, after perhaps himself.

Cas looked disappointed, and Dean hated himself for making the guy frown as upset as that, but he swallowed and let it go.

“You enjoy yourself, dude.” Dean conjured up the most manly voice he could, unthinking.

And the 'dude’ would probably be replaced by ’bro’, if the driver resembled John Winchester anymore than he already did, and okay. This wasn’t a good decision at all. Dean wasn’t ready for this. For any of this.

Alaska was back on the map, and Cas’s eyes flashed with a sensitive vulnerability before turning away.

Awesome. Dean fucking sucked, in more ways than just one.

*

Having an internal identity crisis, combined with the nagging reminder that Cas didn’t do nothing to deserve Dean, and a recurring flashback of John Winchester calling Dean’s first celebrity male crush at eleven bullshit - plus the fear of accidentally outing himself to a complete stranger who probably walked antimarches from his manner of speaking of politics and culture - topped off by the sexuality issues Dean eternally festered in; it was not a good evening.

Then suddenly, something happens.

Right at the verge of the driver - Ron, he said his name was - probably asking Cas or Dean about the ladies in their lives or some shit - Dean’s phone buzzed.

Absent minded, Dean picked it up, and skimmed through the 3-word-message twice before looking back up at the sender Cas.

Dean gives Cas a look that is supposed to mean a lot of things like, I can’t, because I can’t fucking hold hands in public, especially when we’re sitting behind a man who reminds me of my intensely homophobic dad, even though I know I could take him alone if there rose a need to, but I don’t want that, any of the drama, because its too hard, and that’s why, lets not hold hands though I have a feeling that’d feel real good

But Cas misreads it.

Okay, maybe Dean doesn’t exactly give him the right cue, especially when he moved his hand to an approachable position between both of their laps, and maybe he’s not that good at telling stuff through looks -

Or maybe he didn’t even try to tell him that, and instead went yes.

Because Cas is holding Dean’s hand the next moment, stroking the soft skin of the back of his hand with a thumb, even while Dean’s traitorous heart thumps against his chest and butterflies take over his insides. Dean’s hand is enveloped in Cas’s warm one, palm against palm, and the fact that Dean’s sweaty palm is practically clammy and gross, Cas doesn’t budge, and keeps up the stroking rhythm until Dean’s breathing even again.

He looks at Cas with a look which is most definitely supposed to mean he doesn’t know we’re gay. Why are you -

Now Cas is clearly bad at reading his signs, because he merely gives Dean’s hand a squeeze, and as he relaxes, it’s as if some of the tension settled in Dean’s muscles go away.

Well, at least their hands are invisible when entwined in the dark silhouette of the night.

*

They get down, next to Baby, pretty soon after that. Dean and Cas split the bill, and Ron goes away.

The pit in Dean’s stomach does not.

“Cas,” He whispers, because he’s gonna do it. He’s gonna say it.

“Yes?” Cas smiles.

“I - I ought to tell you, right a-away,” Dean stammers through his hesitations. “There’s a reason I can’t do this.” Cas’s face falls, but Dean knows he has to go on. “I’m not - I’m not out, Cas. I don’t know if I ever will be. Its just - not a thing on my agenda.” I’m a coward. Also, I was raised by John Winchester. I’ve been conditioned to live with it.

Cas looks surprised, which is surprising too. Dean thought he was fucking crystal clear.

“So, I can’t -” He’s supposed to say, he can’t date him. This is goodbye. “Hold hands.” He finishes, awkward.

“But you just did.”

“Because you -”

“- did I force you to?” Cas looked terrified of Dean’s answer.

Dean leapt to his rescue. “No! That’s because you’re you! And because you texted me - and because I needed to, I dunno what, I just did! But I can’t anymore! Because that guy was - was not okay with it, and no one is gonna be.”

Its when he says it out loud that he realizes how stupid he sounds.

“So Ron wasn’t okay with you holding my hand.” Cas repeated.

Dean nodded, because he was fresh out of words for tonight. It was, in fact, uncharacteristic for him to have said as much as he did. It was Dean. Dean didn’t talk about his feelings. He either rode them through, or repressed them so deep that his wise pain-in-the-ass brother too wouldn’t be able to get at them.

So he shut up, and nodded.

“But did you enjoy it?”

Dean didn’t exactly want to lie, so he nodded carefully.

“So, you’re gonna not do something that you enjoyed doing, because Ron - who I believe stands as a mirror for our heteronormative and largely homophobic society - doesn’t want you to.” Cas pronounced, as if it was that simple.

Dean shook his head at first, then opened his mouth to protest, realised Cas was right, and shut up. He even nodded, deliberately slow and not meeting Cas’s eyes.

“I’m not Oprah, Dean,” Cas went on. “But why do you wanna do that to yourself? You don’t think you deserve to be happy by just doing the thing you want to do, in the first place, without bothering for the Rons?”

Dean squirmed. It was a fucking first date. Cas wasn’t his therapist. He knew him pretty well, but he didn’t know the tip of the iceberg when it came to how screwed up his head was. “Just - don’t, Cas.”

“I know what its like, Dean,” Cas threw back, concern in his eyes. “Why would you think I don’t get it?”

Because you didn’t grow up with John Winchester.

“Can we move on?” Dean dodges. “I’m sorry, okay? I’ll hold hands if you want us to.”

And that’s where he goes wrong, because Cas begins to glare at him. Okay, he did not mean to make it sound like that. He wasn’t doing a favor to Cas by holding his hand, Cas didn’t need him to do anything like that. Cas was speaking for Dean’s good and Dean was being a jerk to him in return.

“I don’t -” He fumbles. “I don’t wanna talk about this! I cannot!”

“Fine.” Cas draws back, eyes narrowed. “I guess I should leave then.”

Dean purses his lips.

Don’t?

Stay.

Please.

“Cas.” Dean says, tired.

“Yes?” He bristles.

Please don’t stop texting me.

Maybe we can get back to my apartment and hold hands.

I want you to stay.

“Can I drop you home?”

“Do you really want to do that right now?” Cas blinked.

“I want to do this.” Dean replied. “But I’m not ready to come out yet, and can you take that?”

Cas hesitates. Dean balks. Then Cas nods. “As long as you allow me to help you through it.”

“I need it,” Dean accepts. “Thank you for respecting my, uh, crap.”

“Boundaries.” Cas prompts.

“I’m sticking with crap.”

*

Dean kisses him off his own free will, outside his apartment, and decides that its worth working on, if it means getting to hold hands with, and kiss this man all the time - rather than just when alone.

Its gonna be a long journey. Its gonna be complicated and Dean’s gonna fall on his face and flail. But he’s gonna have Cas at his side, and he’s gonna do it.

And its gonna end with him holding hands with Cas, and marching through fucking Kansas proudly.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Latvia to Eurovision with a cinematic French rendez-vous

Supernova with their strict-on decision to only focus on all that’s radiofriendly this year went to hell for me. I mean, I like me some pop tunes, but not those that are purposefully marketed to be enjoyed by the massive sheeps of the Eurofandom who usually fall for those songs by Michael James Down, Will Taylor, even Ylva & Linda... because at the end of the day they’re all just shallow and pointless outside the ESC bubble.

Well the best they could do is to accept some different winds out of nowhere! And so they did when the audition stage hit place and we guys got to witness the 33 shortlisted tunes for this year, among which of them are loudly and proudly different - like “Alligator” and “Grow”, which I did not fathom but I was also raging for their not qualification for - more precisely “Alligator” which was way more outstanding of those two I mentioned. The guys that performed that song were fun, their performance choice was fun, they could have totally rocked on Supernova... but alas.

In fact not that many alternative songs made it to the final down-to-16 cut! There might have been a couple of those that sound nothing a radio would play unless it’s not playing pop on its purpose (Laime Pilnīga’s ”Awe” comes to mind right away), but in the end of the day, not many of those survived and we were graced with some... choices, like letting Samanta Tina waste herself on a cocky-ass tune with terrible chorus rhyme-scheme and unbearable charisma and putting through the most Eirodziesma-like mess-fest with the Beaver guy on top of it. Honey I like you in costume but... not in this emploi.

I don’t blame them though, as one of non-blatant-pop tunes conquered the Latvian hearts for this year. These next Latvian people in Laura Rizzotto’s succession are collectively named Carousel and their song is “That Night”.

It sets a romantic mood throughout, like we all are reliving this magical last date - it was in a restaurant, the candles were lit, the restaurant looked vintage with bordeaux satin tablecloth on the table, and the couple is having a smooth evening... until the love runs out to the probably cold and rainy streets and the other half of the couple starts longing for one's love. That's all I can imagine with this.

So yeah, I really like this! It's got lovely instrumentation that doesn't need all the over the top instruments - just guitar, simple drums, etc.; the noir flair is distinct on here and that's not bad on here; this is just a simple and soft song that you too could play in your own restaurants when all the lovely couples have romantic dinners and sip wine. And in some kind of a French movie, too (with the lead role being a curly redhead artiste with striped sweater, looking for love in Paris (because it’s so romantic in there honhonhon). I'm not sure if the revamp touched upon this one little problem I noticed but the problem kinda seems to be that the chorus repeats. A lot. And verses are way too short that they could be easily forgotten against the 4th and 5th time one would be hearing the "lo-o-o-o-ove, where? Are? You?" line, and then lulled into sleep at how peacefully relaxing it is. Which is indeed of a problem because repetition has quite a bit of a negative effect on people. Yes, it gets the song onto your brain more easily, but the repetition drives people insane too. Just like it was suspected for “Story of My Life” (Belarus 2017) on its original version to be unable to be ‘stood’ - after the 2nd chorus, the rest of the song just went like “hey hey hayayayaho” until the end. Naviband fixed the problem by throwing in another vocal onomatopoeia in a form of the song bridge and I loved them for it, even if there still were too many “hey hey hey”s at the end, haha.

Final conclusion? Yep, issa good entry, and if anything it’s helluva underrated. Say what you want about it being “boring”, to me it’s somewhat fresh and exciting, because the melodies are pleasant, the instrumentation is top notch and Sabīne’s vocals are relaxing. Delightful starry night music, oh yes, thanks a lot for it, Carousel, I’m taking it.

Obviously, after they won Supernova, there was a lowkey uprising from fans who were dead certain on wanting Edgars Kreilis or Markus Riva to win, eek. Honeys, honeys. I do like those two as well, BUT for a bit of a mess that Supernova 2019 was with some of their decisions to include, I think it’s for the better they finally let themselves go lighthearted over it all rather than blatant tryhard to sound radio for the masses just cuz the NF wanted. Just forgive Carousel for winning, okay? Okay. ^_^

Approval factor: Definite yes from me, because why wouldn’t I rate it a yes. Yay brotherland!

Follow-up factor: For me personally this is miles better than Laura Rizzotto's last year's melodrama. Overall I think it just flows nice and is a delightful addition to the Latvian collection.

Qualification factor: This I cannot think about all too often but I am not sure if they'd... stand a chance anymore? I'd use to think it did, but that was weeks before supposedly much stronger entries rushed in, squeezing Latvia into an uncomfortable position. But I really hope it's just charming enough to kind of get through. Sort of. A little bit. I'm positive about it happening, but not that much. And a lot of older audiences might love it enough to vote it, too.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

I admit that I got way too heated about hearing Supernova’s new approach to selecting entries, but in the end it turned out that I didn’t need to worry all that much in the first place - some of those alternative entries we got were very nice (or at least the entries out of the standart overbearing radio-pop norm), both in their actual auditions (this time they were on an actual stage in front of a jury instead of the listeners pick-pocketing the submissions themselves) AND among the actual picks. But what else is there to be note-worthy in this year’s edition of this show?

• Well, among of the auditionees there were those too-weird-ass bands/artists (some of them I mentioned), and you saw me mention the “Alligator” song to you beforehand, which is done by an ambitious project ATOM.LV (so did I mention “Grow" by Waterflower and her show is worth mentioning as well <3 Those flowers in her hair, the hair color, the makeup, her overall image (it’s like Jamie-Lee upgraded) and the dance moves are ADORABLE <3333 but the song is... hmm... :c). And I’ll repeat myself - those guys rocked! I may have not been a massive fan of this but I can at least commend them - they had a good song structure going on, a clear message (alligators from the stars *catchy trumpet fanfare part* trying to probably conquer the world, yeah!) and an outrageous tribal image with that facepaint on! Awh hell yeah! Who wouldn't want THAT through the live shows??? Ah, only the Latvian juries ofc. (And me because I never got the appeal of this but I sure felt sad for 'em kids hoping and wishing for them through :x)

• Thank Goodness I had my faves through - all hail Double Faced Eels! They're the little legendary pop band who went all their way to compete in some Youtube contest and have had sung with Bebe Rexha as the prize for winning it almost 1,5 years ago :o Believe it or not but I have heard of them way before their Sulernova stint - I got introduced to them through a friend, known on Tumblr as Soupgeist. :3 And I don't regret stanning a name I know, as "Fire", their entry in this year's 'Nova, was a pop-rock banger with some electro in! Granted the vocaliat might've had some troubles singing live but he still pulled it off nicely in the finals, with that energy coming out on top! Yeah yeah, uguns. 🔥

• Like I mentioned earlier, there were people rooting for other favourites this year so heavily, and that annoyed the hell out of me, because I thought that Eurofans have some sort of evolving tastes that accept more than just pretty pop boys/girls with not-so-special songs? Well, I mentioned that Eurofans’ targets were Edgars Kreilis and Markus Riva. The latter felt so attacked about him trying to achieve his representation dream over and over he even tweeted about it once... well I did like his song “You Make Me So Crazy”, but I found it a little too overrated with the fans. So I did Edgars, but his song was way catchier and had way more personality than being a club track, I tell ya. Why would his song be renamed from “Fire” (yes, he partially shared a song title with that Double Faced Eels’s song!) to “Cherry Absinthe”, anyway? It gives it a bit more of an exciting feeling, tbh. ^_^ So I ended up rooting for him a little bit more out of the two ‘pretty’ pop boys, if I had to accept one of those kind of winners that everyone wanted (like everyone wanted just either yesyes or The Middletonz for Hungary this year).

• There were a lot of other nice chosen songs too that I would’ve loved to discuss, but I just can’t not mention the Riga’s Beaver as one of the more memorable moments here. I did write earlier in this that I was disappointed though. Not because of the beaver being out of costume and coming at us as a young-to-middle-aged stunning lad, but because the Beaver-entry, “Tautasdziesma”, was a “Supernova”-times cluster-mess. I think of this as a charity music medley-parody of some sorts, and that doesn’t bode with me well, and sometimes I like parodies, like the one Klemen Slakonja (aka the guy who portrayed Putin for a musical number once) did in his country’s NF in 2012 (that he hosted) was fairly nice (although a bit too much), but... ehhh... at least the men are fine and their costumes were dandy.

• Let’s not forget that those auditions had this one glorious thing going on during the performances - we saw shots of the jurors judging all of the 33 shortlisted acts with... rather less-than-enthusiastic looks, and man oh man were they fabulously done with this shit <3333

if that’s not a big indicator of them being too dead inside to be judging anything that day, then idk what is...

Anyway, I am finished with this review also, and I’m happy about it! I don’t think I can move any of this at a more quicker pace (seriously, I have to do so many more even during rehearsals!!!), but I am still trying to do my best. Good luck to the Carousel quartet and may they not flop in May! To hell with the naysayers sweeties, you’ll do just fine x ✨

[askthiscpblog]

Can we get more if LJ and Char?

LJ is on top of the roof kicking his legs watching the sky dozing off. There wasn’t much going on, and it all sucked. The monochrome clown had no idea what to do since he wasn’t allowed to leave the place for the time being.

“Hmm. This is boring. Why do I have to stay here and watch the place for uninvited guests? I should be out and about making new friends!” he yelled into the sky, groaning afterward out of boredom.

“What, I don’t hold your attention anymore? You still won’t even let me leave the place!” Char yells out, coming over the edge of the building by walking up the side. It was interesting to see her climb, but at the same time, duller than one would expect. It’s as if she was walking on the ground, only on the side of the building.

Due to everyone here knowing what she is, Char was a lot less covered up than how she dressed upon getting here. Before was long dresses and shawls to cover her skin, hair up and bangs covering her eyes. Now she is wearing short, lavender purple overalls with bats and spiders across them and a black t-shirt under it. It was all low cut in the back to let her other legs out but kept its form none the less. A black bat choker contrasts her gray skin on her neck. Her hair was in pigtails instead of buns, flowing down the sides of her head, while the bangs kept falling into place over her eyes and messy off the sides. It was less obvious she was trying to cover her eyes now, and more open with who she is.

“So why is it you’re the one stuck here?” she asked, walking up beside him.

“OH! Hello!” He seems to get excited when someone interacts with him. If anyone interacts with him, he gets excited. Most people try to ignore him or blow him off in this place.

“Slendy, EJ, and Puppet are all looking for Jeffrey, so I’m stuck here to keep an eye on the place. Or Slendy will put me back in the box,” he continued, finishing the answer to her question.

“He will put you back in the box? You mean the one you came from?” she responds, sitting down next to him overlooking the Domain. It was a quiet night, and all the trees were back where they once were. Amazing what a little magic and willpower can do. Being the 4th-dimensional being also helps, she guessed.

“What about the rest? The trio of idiots, the girl, the little girl, and…is that the rest of them? I’m not sure…oh, the ghosts too. What about them?” Charlotte asked, having to think hard about a few of the people. Despite being here for a few weeks, or so she thought, people, didn’t interact with her.

“Jane is watching me and Sally. Ben is in his room, the dumb trio are out and about asking around if they have seen old Zelgo…” he groans, his voice getting louder as he continued, “UGH THIS SUCKS. I MISS THE GOOD OLD DAYS!” He plops back and sucks on an oversized lollipop that appeared out of thin air. It was colorful with a red swirl around it, more like a candy cane.

“Jane is watching you? How can she take on someone like you?” she asks, laying down on the roof next to him.

“She’s not. She is the tattletale police. If I do something, she will tell Slendey and he will BOX me! I could kill her if she catches me!” He sits up with excitement then a frown shows on his face not a second later. The lollipop vanished the moment he let go of it as he shot to sit up.

“But Slendey will know it was me…THIS IS NOT FAIR AND I’M BORED!”

“Well, you’re staying behind to keep the place safe, aren’t you?” She asks, staying on the roof looking up into the stars. Fake as they may be, it was still pretty to look at. Char takes one of her fingers and starts to trace some of the shapes in them, curious about what they could mean beyond the basic ones.

“Why not lure kids here or something like that? Or watch a movie or something? Can’t you do that from this place?”

“Slendey is a big stick in the mud. Once I step out once he will know and we also ran out of movies. What are you doing up here anyway?” He has a look of curiosity and lays next to her seeing what she is doing. He followed her finger with his eyes, but not seeing what she was tracing or doing.

“I saw you up here and decided to bug you, knowing you won’t let me leave this place either. What about Netflix?” she asked, finishing her tracing looking over to him.

“Curious to what I’m doing?” Char gave a small smile and pointed up to a cluster of stars that was North of them, off in the distance. They were all close together, dense in comparison to the rest of the stars. It looked like a cloud of glitter in the night, shimmering and twinkling in the sky.

“Netflix? And ya! Oh, the stars! They are pretty closed up.” LJ gets that devilish grin back to his face, sharp white teeth gleaming.

“I only know about it from walking around towns and such, overhearing it. It’s like this…thing where you can watch almost an unlimited number of movies. And I am making things in the stars. Like people, horses, things like that. Kinda like a connect the dots book.”

“Hmmm that makes sense, would you like a better look?” he offered, turning his head from the stars to look at her, grin still plastered over his face.

“What? How?” she asked, sitting up confused. Then it dawned on her who she is talking to and prepped herself up for whatever crazy thing was going to come next. He bends things to his will around her, and it fucked with her sense of direction sometimes.

“A telescope dummy,” he snickers, “come on I’ll take you to it!” He grabs her hand and slides down off the roof. Standing up, it appears as if he hoped, but was running on air instead of the ground. Char screamed again and didn’t walk with him down the airstairs. Instead, she flung herself onto his back and latched on for dear life to his body. He knew she hated this, and every time she would latch onto him and not let go until they hit the ground.

“Oh, come now. Why are you hate heights so much?” He skips along his way above the trees

“I can swing around and all that, but I can’t fly,” she responded to him, still clinging. “You break the laws of reality LJ, and I don’t like that much myself!”

“Oh fine.” He picks her up from him and drops her to the ground. Char squealed, high pitched, and launched herself onto him again using her back legs, clinging like a cat that doesn’t want to go into a pool of water. All legs came out and wrapped themselves around his wiry frame. Her back legs wrapped around him two times for extra support. He laughs at her and skips along in the air until they reached a large domed building.

From the look of the building, it hasn’t been used in a long time. Vines have overgrown the dome, and up the walls with large leaves. The vines had the appearance of dried, old veins sucking the life that this building once had. Cobwebs on the outside covered corners in thick webbing, dirt piling up and dusting everything on the outside.

“Here we are!” He cheered. He floats down to the door of the building, feet landing with a soft thud in the loose dirt and weeds. When they are finally on the ground is when she gets off him and retracts everything. Her legs fold back onto her back, flat against her body.

“That was not funny!” she screamed at him, punching him in the arm when she did. Char didn’t care if she hit or missed, it was the pure fact he did that. He won’t let her fucking leave, and most of the time won’t leave her alone. He also knew she hated heights and does that stuff almost all the time!

He looks at her with a confused look asking, “How is that not funny? You looked so silly. Also, you said you didn’t like being up high.”

“I don’t like not being able to have an anchor! I can swing through the air and trees fine with my silk! Cause when I start to fall, I can use that to swing again.” she explained, huffing and puffing trying to calm herself down. Heights were not her favorite thing if she couldn’t touch the ground or anything else for the time being.

“The roof was fine. Tops of trees are fine. In the middle of the air? Not fine!”

“Ooh that’s no fun and I might as well float as much as I can. I can only do it here anyway.” he sings song says and starts to spin to go up then he drops back down onto the ground. He does still have a slightly confused look because he does not understand the concept of fear.

“Yeah well, unlike you I am not a construct made by some powerful as heck beings. I don’t break reality, you can, that’s the biggest difference. Unlike you, I can die.”

“…Oh right.” he realized. With that, he smiles with a goofy grin, sharp teeth and all.

“I forget that sometimes.” He opens the door after this, and it’s pitch dark in there with a puff of dust comes out. Like the outside, the inside hasn’t seen use in some time.

Char looked at him and made a strangling motion to his throat out of frustration. He was so annoying when he forgets that, hey, people fucking die! His neck thins up showing finger marks in them. He then falls to the ground acting like he is choking, clawing at his throat and kicking everywhere. She lets out a cry of frustration before taking a deep breath, calming herself. He was a giant goofball, that’s all. A murderous, crazy, construct made by angels that became corrupted, but a goofball none the less. 

Letting him go from her strangle, despite not touching him, she heads into the large, dark, dusty room. The entire place smelled damp to her, and mold clouded her nose more than any other sent. It caused her to sneeze once, twice, three times before getting herself to stop.

LJ gasps with air and hopes up with a smile. He walks in and with a double clap all the smells, dampens, dust, and mold disappeared. Who needs cleaning when you can bend a small bit of reality to your will? A part of the roof opened letting the night’s light and candles flickered awake. Books cover all the walls, with a desk and couch close by covered in drapes. A giant telescope is at the center, the focus of the room. Stairs twisted up and to the control panel to the giant telescope, giving access to anyone who enters the room.

Charlotte looks around, eyes widening at the entire display appearing before her. It was something she never would have expected to see in her entire life, and she lived a long time up until this point. All the nasty smells vanished in an instant, and everything was clean as if it was the first day of its creation. The moon shines through the open part of the roof, lighting the two figures in the room up with plenty of light for them to see. Even stars twinkled off in the distance.

“Oh wow, this is so beautiful!” she exclaimed, running deeper into the room to look around at everything.

“Yep! This is Slendy’s. He likes to collect things throughout the years. It’s all steam powered, which is one of the few things that doesn’t go screwy when he is around.” He jumps and lands on the couch with grace, in the draw me like a French girl pose. Everything shined in the light even some of the books had metallic backings. Even a light quite a melody playing from a record player in the other corner. It was calming, relaxing,  a beautiful scene.

“And you know how to work all this without breaking it?” she asked, wandering up the stairs of the telescope. It was huge, about the size of a small house by itself. Probably because it was steam-powered like LJ mentioned.

LJ, who kept a shit eating grin on his face this entire time, proud of his work, dropped to a blank face in an instant. The only thing that could come out of his mouth was, “Umm…”

“I’ll take that as a no,” she says, getting up to it and looking at the switches and everything.

He walks over and looks for the on switch, mumbling to himself, “Hmmm. I know we need to find the furnace to get it started.”

Char gave an unpleasant look; her mouth cocked to the side and she searched the thing for any hint of what to do after the furnace. Nothing came to mind.

“Should have stayed on the roof at this rate. I’m not going to break anything.”

He crawls around on it until he yells, “Ah ha!” He found the furnace hiding underneath the stairs and lights a fire in it. After a few minutes the machine springs to life with a breath of steam. Gages come alive moving back and forth, but no lights shining. Supposed to keep light pollution out.

Char jumped back, looking at the thing spin and come to life as it warmed up. Lights flickered as she blurted out, “Oh neat, that’s easy.”

“It was hiding,” LJ responds, moving down to stand in front of the controls. The controls are leavers that have symbols on them, some or easy to understand and others not so much. Char at this point started to mess with everything, but it was a cautious fuckery. She was trying to not break anything, she adjusted something then looked around. Adjusted, looked. This went on for about 15 minutes.

“How’s it coming?” He was being a bit nosy right next to her, putting his face next to hers trying to see everything from her view.

“It’s coming well. I’m trying to find a specific place and something pretty to look at.” She responded, keeping the eyeglass away from him.

“How about Beetlejuice? It’s really, really cool looking.”

“That’s a thing?” She asked, pulling back confused.

“Ya! How did you not know that?”

“You…mentioned it right there. Here, have a look and see if you can find it.” Char responds, taking a few steps back from the telescope. If something was going to break, better him than her in her mind. He starts to mess around with it look like a cartoon. It’s silly looking, but practical in some regard.

“Ah ha!”

“You again, defy all reason I swear.”

“Whhhhhhaaaaat? I’m being me.” He sounded offended, but jesters the lens to her to look through into the galaxy. Char rolled her eyes and giggled none the less, looking through the lens, curious to what he found.

“That…isn’t much, looking into a sun it seems. I was hoping it would be colorful and prettier.” LJ thinks then messes with the machine again. The sound of the steam is loud with how much is being let out. 

“THERE!” From there, there are 3 floating lenses in front of it, all different sizes with the largest being the closest to the sky. It was reaching out of the dome further into the sky as if it was zooming in on the galaxy.

“Oh, that is so pretty! I love the teals and the clouds, and the pretty purple little stars! I wanna hold one, but it would set me on fire, but I would be okay with it!” she rambles, her main two eyes brightening.

“Really?”

“I mean, a fiery death is what I am going to get in the end anyway.”

He sides hug her, chuckling.

“Not if we win the war!” He exclaims with excitement his face touching hers, cheek to cheek again

“I meant in general LJ. You know how people are. If it is different, burn it with fire.” she told to him, putting her arm around his shoulders, squishing him closer to her continuing, “But look at it! Now imagine, there could be more worlds out there! And how pretty they all are!”

“Ya, I know…too bad they are so far away. I would have lots of fun on them!”

“What is the extent of your powers anyway?” She asks, letting go of the squishing and pulling away a little bit.

“In here or out there?” The most normal thing he has said all night, pointing out into space as he spoke.

“Both I suppose. I’ve only known you in here.”

“Weeell in the real world my power can only work around me. I can stretch my limb, change my shape, allow others to see me if I want, teleportation, conjuring insects out of my body, conjure candy, regenerate my body, aaaaand enter people’s dreams. Here I can do anything I want to like in the dreams.”

“So, you can’t directly affect other people?” she asks, moving back to the telescope around to try and find something new to look at. Steam flies out of the telescope as it moved around, them both turning in a circle as she looked in the opposite direction to find anything new.

“Ye. Angels are powerful, but not that powerful.”

Char nodded to him, finding something new to look at. He was being very nice to her, which is odd from what she heard from everyone else on how he is.

“Oh! By the way! Do you know who took Jeffery?! It’s not like Zelgo to take prisoners! Especially people like Jeffery!” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest leaning against the railing.

“No, I keep saying that I happened to come in when all it went down. I don’t know who Zelgo is.”

“No one that would have any beef with him? Is that how the saying goes?”

“I don’t even know who you are talking about.”

“I mean anyone that you would say that would want to catch Jeffery. I’m asking to quicken the search up so that I can be free again.”

“You’re barking up the wrong tree then. I don’t know anything about what was going on.” Char projects with a defensive attitude. Her arms crossed over her chest, backing away from him into the telescope behind her.

“Uuuuuuuuugggggh” he makes a big frown, exaggerating it continuing, “I want out, but he won’t let me.”

Charlotte moves away from him and goes to one of the couches, sitting down. Her arms were still crossed, folding her legs up to her chest as she balled herself up.

“What?” He can tell something is up and on her mind.

“I’m thinking. Wouldn’t it be best to allow you to go? Due to you can jump dreams until you find some information to start with?”

“Ehh, I would, but one problem. I can’t if he marked them like what Slendey did to you.” He sits next to her, mimicking her sitting position. His long, wiry frame scrunched up into a ball looked weird compared to her smaller frame.

“So, you’re useless in this situation? Well, couldn’t it be a process of elimination then? If you can’t haunt them, you could point them out to your crew to check them out?”

He puts his hands together like a prayer to his mouth, takes a deep inhale, then moves his arms to have is sharp fingers point at her saying, “GIRL. I’m powerful, but I can only go dream hopping one person at a time and have to be in the area.” He got very technical very fast, which is always unusual for him. LJ  kept a playful aura about him, but anything getting him technical or serious sets her off. She leaned away from him, one of her eyebrows raising up in response to how he was acting. He was jumpy, and he was crazy. But him being technical was something she has yet to see.

“Then yeah, you are useless in this situation. Until they find someone who they know you can tail, that is.”

He slouches into the couch as if he was melting into it, a bit depressed responding, “Yaaaaaa……”

She looked at him deflate and couldn’t help but smile at it. The guy had an ego, and sometimes it needed to be deflated. That much she picked up in the last few weeks of being stuck here against her own will. Sometimes a reality check is what is needed.

“Then why not enjoy your time off before the next big fight?”

“What’s the point if I have no new friends to play with…ugh! I wanted to play with Toy Maker!”

“What’s your definition of playing anyways? By the way, heck you for that. I’m not a new friend anymore?”

“Well I play like everyone, but my favorite game is taking people and make balloon animals out of their intestines. You know stuff like that.” He looks at her, those eyes showing all emotion with a cold stare of a calculating killer behind it.

“You are a new friend, but I want to keep you around!”

“And why’s that? Cause I put up a real fight? Or cause I’m a spider?” Taking her fingers to her cheeks, Char smiled and tilted her head to the side pushing them into her face. Cute, flirty, and something one wild expect from the childish demon.

“Because you are unique! I have never seen a spider demon before, and you are from the time I was born! So, you have many stories to tell!” He jumps up on that part, out of the couch and onto his feet facing away from her. He twirls on his heel to face her again, arms spinning still wrapping around his body, claws and all. She unfurled herself on the couch, letting her feet dangle unable to touch the ground. In some weird way, this guy was comforting to have around. Despite all the times he’s tried to scare the hell out of her.

“I might. Most are boring though. So…should we get out of here before bald boring butt comes to run our fun? Or do you wanna continue looking at galaxies?”

“I say we stay. I want to see other pretty stuff.” He unwraps himself and spins over to the telescope, making a black and white mini tornado as he got to the top of the stairs.

“Where are you going to look next?”

“Don’t know. I say we mess with it until something pretty comes along.”

“Sounds good to me!”

[susistudentleaders2019]

Danish Aziz Awan. Week 2. Warp speed.

#susi2019 @ecaatstate @umassdonahue @susi2019



Week 2: Clap Clap

Day 1:

This week kicked off with Mr.Tom discussing about U.S History at Wrap Speed. Followed by Mr. Douglas Rice’s talk on civil rights. It was fascinating to see how many years it took for the oldest democracy in the world, to further strengthen their justice system. A lesson we can take to make Pakistan’s system more efficient.

Roaming on the streets of Downtown, singing and dancing my lungs out.

Walking with 3 people from our group, talking about our goals when we go back home, establishing connection with each other, solving domestic issues here.

Day 2:

Mr. Sibi brought out the hidden abilities in us, A-Z of being a leader. The whole session was a joyous ride. “Lolly-Pop moments,” and what not. I am now a firm believer that a leader is someone who does the little things for people he/she interacts with. Sense of humanity, emotions, ability to lift up the mood, good listener, extremely tolerant, someone who can kill his ego for the sake of someone else’s happiness. I am more than ready to spread this kind of information back home.

Part 2 of the day, Role of media, U.S and Pakistan, two very different nations, yet united by this genre.

It was interesting to see how much similarities we share in terms of media coverage.TV channels divided by political views, Television monarchy’s etc. But where U.S had the better stats was, out of hundreds of brave journalists, only few experienced some sort of resistance. This speaks for Freedom of speech itself.

Spending time with 6 more people, sharing my achievements, hearing theirs, motivating them to work for Pakistan. Asking them to be more tolerant towards everyone and spread positive vibes.

Karaoke night as always, more bhangra on English songs and more walk back from downtown.

(Distances here are insane)

Day 3:

Just when I thought, the week couldn’t go any better, another thing struck. Mr. Mike’s case study class, I read the case study for 40 mins before class. Yep! Divided into the groups, my group got the role of the, “Greedy Capitalist,” where we did a fine job. Proud of you guys. This experience changed my perception of looking at things from different sides. One of those cases where one problem can effect almost every sector, i.e. Economy, freedom of speech, environment, general population etc.

Part 2 of the day, got on Dodge minivan with Avery and Sean. We stopped for gas and there began the journey of peace to, “Bridge of Flowers.” Serenity! The town was so peaceful, people welcomed us with open hearts, and showed interest in learning about Pakistan.

Spending time with another set of people from group, again discussing how we can make Pakistan better after this.

Hours of shopping, buying make-up for my one and only sister. I had to put nail paint on too. Worth it!

Day 4:

July 4th, sunny day. I was anxiously waiting for this day. I tried to dress as American as possible.

(Shorts, Polo shirt, American flag color shades, American flag pin and Cow-boy Hat.)

As we were making our way towards the parade venue. It felt like we were a part of Protocol or something. Led by Mr. Mike himself. Huge line of mini van’s. Go Civic Initiative!

Anyway, the venue was handled by members of local community, the police were so active. Everywhere you look, you’d see people walking in orderly manner, carrying flags. Showing how an educated and civilized nations behave.

The best part about the parade would be that they appreciated everyone involved in the community service. It is absolute necessary to appreciate the people for what they do! LOVED IT! SO TAKING THIS IDEA BACK TO PAKISTAN!

Fireworks and long walk back home.

I will be honest, fireworks in Islamabad have their own taste of excitement. This was a fire cracker compared to it. Nevertheless, again huge gathering of people and extremely organized people.

Days like these remind you of the cost, the nation has to pay for freedom. Be it U.S.A or Pakistan. Freedom is built on blood and sweat of countless soul.

Again, more discussion with group members!

Day 5:

Jummah (Friday) is one day, most of us were looking forward too. Hampshire Mosque has conquered our hearts. Peace of mind. That’s it.

Miss Sam, gave us the insight of religion in USA and I was shocked to see how much of a wrong perception we have of religion in USA back home.

I think it made me more empathetic to people of different religions.

More exploring of Downtown area.

Day 6:

Weekends are always fun, because who doesn’t like to get up late!

Trip to Book Mill will always be a memorable one, small area of few shops, on a bank of stream.

I bought a book for the 2nd time in my life. “Sustainability” which is my favorite area, and I will be dedicating my life to it. Bathing in cold stream was life time experience!

Crazy house party at Tea’s house. Her family was so welcoming and they organized such a nice gathering. We got chance to interact with more American Students, who were younger than us but I would say more aware about certain things.

3 hours of dancing, the after effects are still here! (Where can I buy new legs?)

More walks around campus with a friend who really needed help this time, because of home-sickness. A time well spent!

Day 7:

Sunday was more of me hanging out with me, sleeping and giving time to family back home.

All in all, 2nd week was eye opening. Life in America has its own challenges, but then again, the world is not perfect, we can only try and make it better by putting in the effort.

So far, our mentors have been amazing in facilitating us, the academic side as well as social side. It’s a fairy tale wrapped with reality checks.

I have forgotten so many lolli-pop moments of this week. Haha.

I feel blessed to be here. I love challenges and this place keeps giving more and more. LOVE IT!

[flakandforay]

The Truth Untold Theory

overall: interesting that bangtan decided to have a song called ‘전하지 못한 진심’ = The Truth Untold in one of their more recent comebacks which would be ‘Love Yourself: Tear’ with their title track called: Fake Love. 

warning(s): mentions of death 

⇝ theory masterlist 

theory: now delving deeper inside this, if you look closely at the lyrics of the song, it exactly depicts the story of Smeraldo which were released on blog posts 2 years ago when they have the comeback of Love Yourself Her - a smeraldo blog was set up as such and they actually told the story and history of the smeraldo flower and its relationship to the florist ( the owner of the shop ) 

but what was interesting was that later on before the comeback of Love Yourself Tear, this smeraldo blog was taken down and the latest post was that they are currently renovating and would come back soon, as it was meant to be a blog to show the opening of the store around August but was delayed. 

170903 // 2.06AM KST

we are shutting down everything temporarily

due to personal circumstances, the opening of the flower shop and blog operations would be temporarily postponed. to the people looking out for us, we want to give our thanks and apologies to you.

( trans: the smeraldo blog is put on hold for now and seemed to have deleted the other blog posts )

Post 

now, fast forward to the upcoming comeback of the Love Yourself Answer, the smeraldo blog was somehow magically brought back to life, as if it was back in business but rumours had it that the blog posts were slightly altered, but the gist is remains quite the same ( hence the idea as though they are time travelling etc; the idea of changing events ). 

comparing the content of basically the smeraldo blog, the same posts were being uploaded just a year later. ( as if they went back into time )

anyway, in the past before i could even translate everything, i managed to translate a few of the blog posts before it was taken down. ( masterlist here ). 

the 1st blog post mainly introduces about the blog and about the florist’s adventures into finding the smeraldo, mainly saying that it’s a flower that is part of a love story. 

170709 // 4.21PM KST

[1st ever story] the fate of smeraldo, the prologue story

hello. im ‘testesso’ the florist.

i started this blog because i wanted to introduce the flower, smeraldo. i just want to let you know in advance that i am preparing to open a flower shop that specializes in smeraldo in the middle of september. however you might think of it, this blog may be seen as its meant for publicity, i think ive ever met that this smeraldo ( shop ) is not a simple business.

my first connection with smeraldo dated 5 years ago. during that time, i was studying abroad in north dakota, in far north america. while in america, we participated in the academy’s <Flower 2012> that opened in virgina for a week. it takes a flight that is more than 5hrs from north dakota to virginia and no less than 7hours from my dorm to school.

[TSA’s caption: The Smeraldo Academy (TSA) that researches and specializes in the smeraldo. Beneath it is the academy’s facebook link]

but when i entered the distant event hall, I discovered a placard that said 'the origins of playing cards’. <Flower 2012> had already ended last week at the event of the academy at the time of america’s playing cards. i wrote the wrong date in my diary. at that time, it’s absurd to think that all are connected if i look back at it. i was so tired that i couldn’t afford to move anywhere else so i sat down and listened to the speech. fortunately, the speech was interesting as it was talking about future career of a florist and the connections between flowers was very exciting. of course as expected, it’s… 'smeraldo’

as you know from seeing the picture, the smeraldo carries a warm feeling. the romantic petals that are magical and subtle colours, and don’t you think there’s some kind of sad meaning behind it? that’s right. smeraldo is a flower with a passionate and heartaching story behind it. the story can be said by “non potevo dire la verità”, that means 'inability to convey sincerity’ in italian. speaking of flowers in love stories, can you guess whether it was sad?

in the future, through this blog about smeraldo, let me unfold the story about this flower gradually in the playing cards.

the 2nd blog post mainly talks about how the florist wishes to bring in Smeraldos for his shop etc 

the 3rd blog post talks about how the Smeraldo was first discovered so there is nothing much here. 

it is the 4th blog post that it becomes more important.  

170720 // 1.56PM KST

[4th story] the smeraldo legend

everyone, can you confidently say that you're beautiful? in the past, i was blinded by a door that said 'i am beautiful.' ive also been blinded by a door that said 'im not beautiful' and to some extent, you can choose which door to pull and enter. everyone, what do you think you would do? im going to tell you something now, starting the entangled love story of smeraldo.

the story of smeraldo is estimated to have begun from 15th century-16th century, in a rural village in northern italy. there's a small solitary castle in 'Sita Di Smeraldo' (La Città di smeraldo). there was a man with a really ugly appearance living there.

▲ the estimated village of 'Sita Di Smeraldo' in northern italy

there was not quite as much information about the man. 'the illegitimate child of the duke of Florence, the duke who fell in love with the gardener's daughter who gave birth to an illegitimate child, the man's mother died at the time of childbirth, and the wife and children of the man tried to kill the man, and so the duke sent the man away.' though there were full of rumours, none of them were claimed to be true.

the man alone hid himself in solitude at the old castle. because of the hatred and jealousy he received upon his birth and growing up, he didn't open his heart to anyone, when anyone tried to approach him, he would hid himself away angrily. his only joy was to grow flowers in his garden. one day, a woman appeared near the vicinity of his castle. the shabby woman picked up the heels of the garden fence, climbed over it and stole some flowers. the man was furious at first, and spent all night protecting his garden. but when he fell asleep for a while, the woman started to pick flowers again. the nights continued like that night, the man pretended to be a joe and observed the returning woman. curiosity killed the cat. the man waited for the woman, and one day decided to follow her. with the woman wrapped in a cloak, the man followed her to a place, the man found out that the poor and sickly woman was selling the flowers to earn a living.

the man wanted to help the woman. he wanted to teach the woman personally how to grow the flowers, and how to grow beautiful flowers. but he couldn't get ahead of her. the woman herself would be scared of him, it was obvious that she wouldn't love his ugly appearance. in the end, all he could do was to plant and grow flowers so that in a matter of time, she would stay in the garden.

the man decided to make a flower that does not exist in the world. the woman started to sell the expensive flowers that she made. after many consecutive failures, the man finally succeeded in making a flower that does not exist in the world, filling his garden with those flowers.

but when he started on this, the woman stopped showing up. no matter how long he waited, the woman did not appear at his garden, the troubled man went down to the village. and so the woman was found to have died.

and up till here, this is the story of smeraldo. i don't know if this really happened, but whoever saw the flower does not know whether it's made up. but every time i look at the smeraldo, i recall the story of it and think of it. if the man had the courage, would he have shown his face and expressed his sincerity? of course, the woman might have been scared and run away, even get mad. to have bravery is easier said than done.

actually, i have a similar experience. it's about the friend that i met at the playing card event at the academy in the previous post. i actually had a crush on him. he was a very bright, cheerful person. after hearing the news of the discovery of the smeraldo, he received the story related to the flowers, and promised me that we would go together to Sita Di Smeraldo. he told me to go with him if he really didn't mean anything to me.

even now, i recall and think about that day. the expression on his face that was full of courage and expectation, with big, short and quick steps and strapping on a knapsack, he excitedly grabbed an opportunity to reserve a plane in schedule.

i will never ever forget that moment. and even though a lot of time has passed, it is still a raw wound that will not heal.

this is of utmost importance. because it is exactly what is being relayed in the song ‘the truth untold’. 

the most important post of all is the 7th one. the story of the florist being almost identical to how the Smeraldo flower was made and then put into a song by bangtan. 

170813 // 2.02PM KST

[7th story] ‘the truth untold’

Actually, I'm not from a very wealthy family. I also had a hard time studying in America. I was a foreigner, henceI was not fluent in English, and I couldn't afford to have a great future.

On the day we promised to go on a trip to Italy, I waited for that friend at the airport and saw her get off the bus with a handsome and wonderful man over the glass door. I hid myself right away. Why did i do that? I don't know...I just hid myself reflexively and turned around and walked away. 'That's it then. I couldn't have tried to make her to go on a trip to Italy with me. For her, I was just a poor foreigner who didn't know anything.' That was my feelings then.

She called while I was walking, but I didn't answer. I stared at my face in the mirror in the airport toilet. Then, I turned off my cell phone and got on the plane. I booked the same flight, so I thought she would be there with him somewhere on the plane, but I didn't find her. I just wished for it. I don't know how much I wanted her to look for me around the plane. But until the plane crossed the Atlantic and landed in Italian airspace and got off at the airport... No one came to see me.

▲ Pictures taken while waiting for her at the international San Francisco airport in America

Sita di Smeraldo remains a painful and happy memory for me. The flowers were so beautiful that I cried. And that night something strange happened. I woke up with a strange sound while sleeping in a private house. There was a bed just below the window, and I could hear someone knocking on the window. The room was on the second floor and it was quiet outside. The time was past midnight and the curtain was pulled down so I couldn't see what was outside the window.

It wasn't scary or fearful, but it was still strange. I thought I'd woken up and open the window on the second floor, but I didn’t. I was forced to sleep, thinking that it would be better for the branches to shake in the wind and hit the window, but I couldn't sleep very well. I laid still for a long time listening to the sound, as if holding something back.

It was around lunch the next day that she called. No, it wasn't her who called. It was her brother. She had an accident at the airport where she was chasing someone in a hurry, and her breathing became unstable a little after midnight last night, and she ended up leaving the world.

Before I left my dorm that day, I opened the window next to my bed. The sunlight came in, and there was a colony of Smeraldo flowers. As I looked at the flowers and felt the wind passing by in the sun, I felt as if I was standing next to her by the window looking at Smeraldo.

▲ Painful and happy memories, the beautiful scenery of Sita di Smeraldo.

On my way home from the United States and from the airport, I heard some news that I had been looking forward to for a long time had been achieved. It was the fact that the Smeraldo flower shop in Korea was approved by the Smeraldo Society. Because Smeraldo is a rare species, the association strictly manages its overseas sales and so on, and it was approved by me to apply to the association later on. Later, three years have passed since the opening of the Smeraldo flower shop in Korea, but I decided to think that the news from the conference was the last message she gave me.

And that's how she gave me the (non-potevo de la verità) and went to a different world. This is the special relationship that I talked about in the first post.

but for easier reference, i have also placed the lyrics of the song right here. 

This garden is filled With blossoming loneliness I tied myself To this sand castle filled with thorns

What is your name? Do you even have a place to go? Oh could you tell me? I saw you hiding in this garden

And I know Your heat is real Your hand picks the blue flowers I want to hold it but

This is my destiny Don’t smile on me Light on me Because I can’t go to you There’s no name to call

You know that I can’t Show you me Give you me I can’t show you my weakness So I’m putting on a mask to go see you But I still want you

A flower that resembles you Blossomed in this garden of loneliness I wanted to give it to you As I take off this stupid mask

But I know This can’t go on forever I must hide Because I’m ugly

I’m afraid So pathetic I’m so afraid In the end, will you leave me too? So I’m putting on a mask to go see you

What I can do is To make a pretty flower That resembles you Blossom in this garden, in this world Then breathe as the person you know But I still want you I still want you

Maybe back then If I had just a little more Courage And stood before you Would everything be different now?

I’m crying At this sandcastle That’s disappearing And breaking down As I look at this broken mask And I still want you

But I still want you But I still want you And I still want you

Reference: Colour Coded ©

now, let’s look at each section of the song one by one. it is exactly the story of the Smeraldo legend in which the man whose appearance he refused to show to the woman who he grows to love ( despite her stealing his flowers ), he wears a mask so not to scare her away etc. 

the idea of the man just out of reflex hiding from the woman as such and the ending that she died before he could even confess that he loved her - that’s the truth untold. 

yet, if you compare with Fake Love, there is some semblance of the Smeraldo flower here as well. 

널 위해서라면 난 슬퍼도 기쁜 척 할 수가 있���어 널 위해서라면 난 아파도 강한 척 할 수가 있었어 사랑이 사랑만으로 완벽하길 내 모든 약점들은 다 숨겨지길 이뤄지지 않는 꿈속에서 피울 수 없는 꽃을 키웠어

=

If it’s for you I can act like I’m happy even when I’m sad If it’s for you I can act strong even when it hurts Hoping love will be perfected with only love Hoping that all my weaknesses will be hidden In this dream that won’t ever come true I grew a flower that couldn’t be blossomed

Reference: Colour Coded ©

just like the man in the Smeraldo legend, he created a flower that couldnt be blossomed by anyone else. that was how much effort and love he has for the woman that he barely knew the name of. he only knew her as someone who was sick and sold flowers for a living. 

now, see this is related to a whole love story, not so much of the HYYH period, and remember the articles posted regarding the highlight posters were meant to talk about love, in a way this is an extension of the HYYH era but now the idea of love, relationships and dating is now involved and not so much between the brotherhood that we all thought it was just about before especially with Prologue. 

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment  Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

[acelezz]

“L is For Luna” (Part 1): A Saluna Fanfic

A/N: ok, so I got this idea for an episode for The Loud House a few nights ago when I couldn’t fall asleep from drinking too much Dr. Pepper (I’m very sensitive to sugar) and thought it would make an excellent Saluna short story. I had so much energy that I wrote the whole entire thing out in my head but that was a few nights ago and I don’t remember the exact dialogue so this is slightly altered from the original (and probably better since I had more time to think it out), but the concept remains the same. I hope that you guys enjoy my first TLH fanfic!

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Title: L is For Luna

Summary: When Luna finds a love letter in her locker, she hopes that it is her crush Sam, but is doubtful. With the help of her ten siblings, Luna will find out whether her dreams of being with Sam will ever be a reality or not.

Part: 1

Author: L-is-For-Loud-House

Fandom: The Loud House

Ship: Saluna (Luna Loud and Sam Sharp)

Timeline: A few months after “L is For Love”

Genre: Fanfiction/Romance

Word Count: 1,425

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“Ugh, it’s just another manic Monday,” 15 year old Luna Loud sighed as she walked to her locker.

Her morning so far had been disastrous. She had almost been late to school because her family van, Vanzilla, had broke down on the side of the road. This was a common thing for the Loud family since the vehicle is older than their own father. Luckily, Luna’s little 6 year old sister, Lana, who is highly educated in mechanics, was able to repair the alternator, which had been completely fried.

“What an awful way to start off the day and the school week!” She stated as she had finally reached her locker, “What good can this day possibly be?”

Luna soon realized that she had spoke too soon. As soon as the rocker had opened up her locker, a white envelope fluttered out and danced its way down to the floor. Luna noticed that the words “L. Loud” had been written on it with red marker and were surrounded by a bunch of hearts.

“Whoa, a love letter!” Luna exclaimed as she bent down to pick the letter up. “Rockin’!”

Luna excitedly opened up the envelope and took the letter out to see that it read:

“Dear L. Loud,

You will always be able to stand out to me even in the largest crowd. You have always been able to catch my eye due the fact that you have never been afraid to be your unique self. Sorry for the wait, but I realized that if I never told the girl that I have a crush on how rad I think she is, I would never be able to live with myself.

From,

Your Secret Admirer”

“Secret Admirer?” Luna questioned. “Bogus! Now I gotta spend who knows how long figuring out who wrote this lovely letter!”

Luna started to gather the books that she needed for her first few classes when she had made a realization. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have said that because getting frustrated over the fact that my admirer chose to remain anonymous would make me nothing but a hypocrite.”

Luna then thought back to when she had first started to write love letters to her crush and good friend, Samantha Sharp. She had been crushing on the girl ever since she had moved to Royal Woods when they were both in 8th grade. Luna had been meaning to confess her feelings for awhile but never had the guts to do it. However, one day a few months ago, Luna’s 11 year old brother, Lincoln, found a love letter in their mailbox that had been addressed to “L. Loud”. Luna and her ten siblings were all excited and since they are all “L. Loud”, they were all curious to find out who the letter was for. Luna’s 8 year old sister, Lucy, had the excellent idea for everyone to give their crushes tokens of affection so that more letters would be sent so that the Loud siblings could narrow down who it was for. Luckily, Lucy’s idea worked as the family received more letters. Eventually, the Loud siblings had narrowed down that all of the letters were meant for Luna due to the fact that the secret admirer spoke of someone who had brown hair, who loves all things British, and who loves music. Luna was confused with how the letter could be meant for her since she never sent any tokens or signals to Sam because she was afraid that she would react negatively if she was not into girls or if she did not feel the same way. Yet, the letter described Luna perfectly so she decided to go to Bangers and Mash, where her secret admirer told her to meet up for a date.

Upon initially not being able to find Sam but her own parents instead, Luna and her ten siblings soon learned that all of the love letters were actually from their own mother and that they were for their own father. Luna was a bit bummed out that she was not going on a date with Sam, but her mother’s story of being too nervous to talk to the man of her dreams but eventually winning him over with her love letters totally inspired her. It was that in that moment, Luna realized that she needs to stop waiting around for Sam and that she needs to stop being a chicken and finally talk to her about her feelings. So of course, like her mother, she began to do this through love letters. Luna is too nervous to let Sam know that she is the one who has been sending her love letters so until Sam figures out that it’s her or until Luna feels confident enough to finally sign her name on a letter or tell Sam that it’s her, she will remain anonymous.

“Hey, Lunes, are you ready to rock it today in band?” That voice that Luna always found to sweet and cool asked, interrupting Luna’s daydreaming.

“Oh, hey, dude!” Luna cooly replied as she slung her backpack over her shoulder and slammed her locker shut, “Yep, I’m totally ready, mate! I’m so excited for Ms. B to give us a new piece today! I really wish that we had band first period instead of second period.”

Since Luna and Sam have been classmates and good friends since 8th grade, Luna has mastered the skill of remaining cool around her crush. However, every once in awhile, her cool does slip from her when she’s around Sam.

“Yeah, it’s totally bogus that I have to sit through a whole period of chemistry before band!” Sam complained.

“Yeah and you have Mr. Carter too, don’t ya?” Luna asked.

Sam nodded.

“Man, that really bites.”

“Yeah, he’s totally insane! I swear he can’t even teach! All he ever does is goes on rants about the most bizarre things and expects us to ace every test despite of that! Dude, you have no idea how lucky you are to have Dr. William and not Mr. Carter for chem!”

“Man, that’s rough. And yeah, Dr. William is a really cool dude. I wish that you were in my class.”

“Me too, dude.”

Then all of the sudden, the bell rang. Sam and Luna started to make their way towards their first period classes. Luna has Algebra 2 first period and lucky for her, that’s on the way to Sam’s chemistry class, allowing for the two to walk to class together.

“But anyways, you looked totally spaced out when I walked up to you,” Sam pointed out. “What were you thinking about?”

“Should I tell her about the letter?” Luna thought to herself. “I really want for her to be my secret admirer so if she’s not, I’m going to be really bummed.”

“I-I u-umm...” Luna managed to stutter out as the two began to climb up the stairs that lead to the second level where both of their classrooms were.

“I totally understand if you don’t want to share,” Sam told Luna, realizing how uncomfortable her question made her friend.

Suddenly, a sense of confidence came over Luna. “Well, if it was her, if I don’t speak up now, I may never find out.”

“Well, I did find a love letter in my locker today,” Luna finally said as she revealed the envelope and letter that she had folded up in her hand.

They then reached the second floor and Sam suddenly began to twist her blonde hair with her fingers as she and Luna continued to walk to class. It was a cute little habit of hers that always drives Luna wild. “Wow, that’s awesome, Luna! Do you have any idea who it’s from?”

“No unfortunately. Whoever wrote the letter signed it as “Your Secret Admirer”. I just found it a few minutes ago so I haven’t had the time to try and figure out who it’s from.”

“Man, that’s sure is a bummer!”

“Yeah, I know right? Well, I mean the last time someone told me that they liked me was all the way back in 4th grade so it’s still really rad that someone’s even crushin’ on me.”

“Well, anyways, I gotta get to chem unfortunately.”

“Ok, see y-”

Luna had been cut off by the sudden embrace of her crush and good friend. Sam normally was not much of a hugger so it completely surprised her. However, the hug was quick so Luna did not have time to react and hug Sam back.

“You know, I really am excited for you, dudette,” Sam admitted as she let go of Luna and started to walk towards her Chemistry class. “See ya in band, Lunes!”

“O-ok, s-see y-ya l-later!” Luna managed to reply as she stood there, confused for a few seconds.

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(Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

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Check out “Lincoln’s Concert Catastrophe”!

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)