#anyways ill stop yapping enjoy

[typingfool]

A Thief's Only Enemy

(BASED ON OPLA!Nami) cross-posted on ao3 !!

Nami, the trees whisper. Its tangerine drops against the soil like a ripple in the sea. She remembers the wind passing by the orchard, the dots of tangerines in the horizon, the smell of citrus making every air she breathed worthed and sour. 

Her tongue catches the taste. Her words become citrus. 

Once and now, the trees would whisper her name. Nami, Nami, Nami— our daughter, look at the curiosity—She doesn’t know what that means. Quite frankly, Nami doesn’t recall a memory that whispered her name the way the tangerine trees would. She couldn’t remember what it had meant, what it had sounded like. She couldn’t remember the significance of names. Of course, the significance of names other than Mom, and Nojiko. 

Nojiko, who is her sister, (who isn’t her sister), whose skin reaches more than a tree’s roots, underneath the soil, nurturing and caring. Who had held her, who squeezed her tighter, closer, protectively when Belle-Mere had found them. 

Then, there was her mother, oh, sweet mother. Who had said “I just knew” undoubtedly, who had been the first one to answer her questions truthfully, who had left her knowing that she and Nojiko were loved. 

(This is what life first stole: her name. It is buried until Nojiko and Belle-Mere latches themselves in her heart. They make a home there. They pump her blood and provide for her. This is what life first stole: when the home is in flames and the trees rots—when her mother fell with her skull-cracked, blood spilling between the gaps of wood, the soil carries her sacrifice. The village carries her body, they dig beside a wide tree of tangerines, they place her there. She is buried there. With a piece of Nami and Nojiko ever-beating love for each other.)

You are my daughters, I will not deny that. Nami remembers, she remembers many things. She remembers Arlong’s stupid gun, his stupid smile. She remembers Nojiko’s spiteful look when she left with Arlong. She remembers the way her sister’s blue hair reflected the emotions she felt. 

(This is what Nami stole from herself: the tranquillity and war of sisterhood. She thought of the consequences because her mother had told them to be as strong as boys, and that, if they survived, good times will come. Nami knew—you see, she was a thief, then and now, thievery is mixed up with trickery—that her village would not survive Arlong’s grasp. He is a fishmen, no human in their village could deny that they were scarred with his ever-growing laughter the moment he claimed them. This is what Nami stole from herself, and what she would take back: sisterhood.)

Nojiko’s hair never went past its original length, she still looks like her sister: Nami’s sister. 

Arlong’s tattoo says otherwise. She would breathe in, her hands were bruised from labour. She used to love the lines that curve to make the islands, cartography offered newness other than the mundane shackles around her once soil-covered ankles. Nesh tears pickled her citrus-covered face, her hair would be dried. She would hug her chest, carry the weight of the knowledge she possessed. 

(This is what life stole from her: freedom. The ability to breathe the citrus air, or the raw wind against her skin. Of course, Nami would grow out those shackles, she knew, her mother had told her and Nojiko that their bodies were not meant to stay in this shape. She had known that she would not stay in this vessel of a tiny girl. Yet, she could not bring herself to hope. To hope that she would live one. This is what life stole from her: freedom. The freedom to make friends. The freedom to have ridiculous hope). 

Nami grew. She had to. For Coco Village. For Nojiko. For her mother. She had to. She learned how to keep her hair the same shape, she learned to observe the sky while slipping berries out of a stranger’s pockets. She learned the meaning of her name from a stolen book, how reflecting her eyes could be in the ocean. 

(This is what Nami stole from herself: a life surrounded with fishmen that would go after her, wherever she went. And she had all but herself to blame, the moment her foot made contact with the wooden floor, the moment she had blurted out that she wanted to join. This is what Nami stole from herself, and what she thinks she would never get back: a life she calls her own.) 

(my thoughts are always on the tags!!) ♡ PLEASE LIKE AND REBLOG TO SUPPORT ME.

[hoshiina]

pairing: akatsuki hyoga x gn!reader (no prns)

request: is this how you request something? ive been using tumblr for just a couple of days and im not used to anything ...i hope this is okay!

could i request a hyoga x gn reader? where reader is kind of blunt and direct with the things they say and end up confessing to hyoga while training with him out of an accident; like they say "this is why i like you!" and then they get really embarrassed about it, however, they dont deny anything and wait for hyoga's response.

if the term handsome could be used to describe reader i would really appreciate it. have a nice day!!! i absolutely fell in love with how you write this man

warnings: it’s very short, hyoga is sweet again, reader is referred to as handsome

While you were never one to beat around the bush— you didn’t really see a point in it— even you would admit that this was not how you planned to share your feelings with him.

It was truly like any other day, you were forcing him to train with you and through all his complaints of how he wished to train alone and how he wished you would leave him alone, he would always help you. His excuse was always that he had to make sure you weren’t going to hold him back when we have to fight, but you knew he was worried about you and the rest of the village deep down and wished for more people who were capable of fighting. However harsh his words may be, his actions always spoke louder than his words. He was strict and hard when you were sparring, but when he was demonstrating better form for certain moves, he was surprisingly gentle.

It was very obvious that he respected you very much, even if he would never say so ever.

So while others wondered why such a handsome individual as yourself, with so many people eager to get a chance to talk to you, would be so invested in talking to Hyoga of all people, it was because you knew he was not as cold and ruthless as everyone thought he was. Deep inside you were aware he cared for many, even if not everyone.

Today he went on again about how your form was very unproper and how you had blind spots everywhere, putting yourself in complete danger depending on the situation. This was not out of the ordinary, but today you were a little curious how he’d respond if you teased him a little.

“You’re quite sweet aren’t you, Hyoga,” you said.

Immediately, he paused and frowned a little.

“How could you possibly have come to that conclusion?” he asked, scoldingly.

“You may not think so, but it’s rather obvious that you do care,” you said.

“I think you’re rather delusional if anything. I’m just worried you’re not going to last minutes against any modern weapon. As of now I do not wish to imagine what’d happen if you’re against a gun of any sort,” he said, rambling on about potential dangers that you would be utterly unprepared for and it only put a smile to your face. You truly didn’t mean to say it out loud, but this was exactly why you loved him— he cares a lot.

“This is why I like you,” you said, before you could stop the words from spilling out. You were going to make something up and deny the fact, until you saw how caught off guard Hyoga looked. You had never seen him look like that ever.

So instead you stopped and looked at him, absolutely nervous, but serious. After what seemed like forever, he finally said something.

“I don’t understand, why do you like me?” he asked, confused what prompted that statement.

“Oh, because you care,” you said. “You’re sweet.”

His eyes widened and a slight smile, hardly visible, but definitely there, appeared on his face. Never in his life would he have thought you could tell his harsh words came from a place of genuine care. However, he could tell that you had slightly the wrong idea, so he had to make it clear.

“I only care about you,” he said.

[dreamwreaver]

Thank you for putting that anti-charlastor troll in their place.

Reading that whole debate was just amazing. Everything you said I agreed with and was just so I don't' know, like professional. I really wished Chaggie was a better ship. I want to love it so bad.

Can I be honest? I didn't know they were a couple until episode 5 where Charlie introduced Vaggie to her dad as being "her girlfriend" which was a cute moment. Like I went in blind without knowing anything, no pilot, no anything. The fan content for Chaggie is peak though. The show just did the ship dirty.

Looking back it was pretty obvious. Maybe? If you knew beforehand they were girlfriends. I just thought they were best friends. My mind was blown and I had to pause it for a minute. Like I was short circuiting. I'm pretty clueless though so maybe it was just me.

I thought they had been setting up for Charlastor but guess not! Heh.

I really hope the writers for season 2 give some more Chaggie. I want a couple not just one kiss in an entire season.

But on to my main point: I am a Charlastor shipper through and through. I want to like Chaggie but its hard to ignore the amazing chemistry Alastor and Charlie have.

They both love the stage. Both are extremely extroverted. Yet they are foils of each other. They push and pull. Charlie will hopefully teach him to be more kind and Al teaches her to be more assertive. Also they are such a black and red couple. They just look so damn good together.

I could yap about Charlastor forever. I'm gonna stop.

Anyways, the fact that troller put that nasty ass post into the charlastor tag actually made my blood boil. Thank you. Just thank you so much.

-Joney

Hi there nonny,

Thank you for your kind words. To be quite honest part of me does feel a little bad for the troll, but all indications seem to point to them being old enough to know better. I don't hold any ill will towards them since they just wanted a fight and picked who they thought would be easiest to get one from.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a stereotype that because we're not actively combatting every single anti post that were easy targets who'll take rage bait and run with it. It's not true, but part of the reason I can keep so calm is that all of my petty fandom bullshit is saved for a private discord where my friends and I can laugh at it or discuss issues we have with any other ships without being accused of being homophobic, acephobic, whatever.

Beyond all of that, unfortunately I'm used to this behavior. Most of my ships are problematic in one way or another and even if they're heavily implied canon or outright get married people will find any reason to deny it and take a moral high ground that doesn't really exist. It's fandom, in this case it's a fandom about hell, where bad people are. It's like when people got mad Katie killjoy was an actual homophobe and my response was, "so where do you want the homophobe to go? Heaven? Doesn't that send a worse message?"

I just want to enjoy my ship in my little dumpster. By all means hate the ship, I'm not telling people to like charlastor, just don't leave your hatred in the tag. Be decent is all.

As for chaggie, I really hope that season 2 does them better, for the sake of those nice shippers who just wants enjoy their couple and got so shafted last season. Thanks again nonny!

[ijumpbridges]

woah my first time requesting off anon

anywyaydbsbbdb if requests are open i’ll req Scp 035 x ghost!reader where whenever 035 is a little mean/“manipulative” towards reader, reader just scares the shit out of him for a week as a “haha i get the last laugh” kinda thing BRHDHHDSJH

thanks! and if you don’t feel comfortable writing this, your free to decline/delete it, no worries! ^^ (if any part of my request doesn’t make sense lmk!)

035 x Ghost!Reader

I love you… WHO SAID THAT

Anyways, request are open thank you for requesting, i also love Ms. Pauling.

It is unclear how you two meet, but it you two had stick together for a long time ago.

Every time Dyo wakes up you had be there in a corner greeting him or just around even before he takes over a host.

Overall your friendship with him is okey, but in all friendships there are always flaws.. very big ones.

He would literally try to annoy you on purpose to help him cuz he says that ‘we are friends right? Then help me with x or y” But then ignores you or invalidates your feelings.

This had happen for a while, but you decide to put a stop at it.

Since you are a ghost, ghost tend to have those weird days where reality turned towards you and being around has become ills to the point of feeling like you were about to have panic attack, but never had it.

Those times Dyo thought since more vulnerable, the better.

Oh he thought wrong..

___

“Hey… how are yo friend?” Dyo said coming closer to you, as you were on a corner trying not to loose your mind.

“Leave me alone Dyo, im not in the mood to be manipulated by you” You spitted out.

“Me? Manipulate you? Never!” He said with his fake tone, but you didn’t reply only looking away hoping he had left you alone.

“I need a tiny favor from you” he said and then started to yap his life away on wanting to escape, but stop when he realize you weren’t listening.

“Oh come on, you know friends help each other! I always been there for you when remember when… when..” He tried looking for an example but immediately brush it off “that doesn’t matter” He said coming closer to you “But what matters is that friends help each other and.. and we are friend-“

“LEAVE ME ALONE” you yelled. You grew big and scary, you grew even bigger tha touch the ceiling and had to stretch out, everything around started floating, the cristal box and holder of 035 mask.

035 felt back and hit the floor as soon as you scream at him to leave you alone. One of the cameras that was on too of you ended up hitting him, he then ran out and and shouted for help. Foundation personal were confused as to what happen.

~~~

After that incident you were pretty much mad at him, as to for many time that he wouldn’t leave you alone when you were down.

With or without a host you will show up, in a corner making sure he can see you.

He would try to use telepathy for her, but be immediately shut down by thousands of whispers that he couldn’t keep up on what they were saying, changing his expression to a frown.

Sometimes you would shake his container, one time you shake it so hard it almost felt down.

You would come really close to him and look at him with unsettling eyes and show a reflection knowing that you were right behind him watching him.

Sometimes you would follow him making him paranoid, at the same tike you would move things around to purposely make him trip or fall.

One time you threw a guards head at full force at him, it missed but he got blood splashed.

Sometimes you would chase him, not in a comical way. He got even hurt one time and almost got in danger to which you save him too.

Of course he will force himself to apologize to you and say he wont do it again. He will eventually but less persistently. He couldn’t take the abuse any longer.

This sourt of give you a sense of security next time he will think twice before he even tries to mess with you.

—-

That is all y’all i hope you all enjoyed it!

[theothergueck]

You guys remember when the anon(totally not me) said smthn about how narrators aspect a power object and allat well i decided to make more

meet sweetums and difinitief, the narrator of sweets and the narrator of religion

Sweetums is a giant female narrator with her lower body being made out of layers of cake(she moves like a snail) with the mind and voice of an old grandma, because she is a grandma, her body is also made of cake, her hair is made out of white cream, and is filled with strawberries and other sweets which somehow never seems to melt off of her head or turn spoiled, despite being made out of cake she does show signs of human old age like wrinkles, a weak back, etc, shes about 60 foot tall, she is VERY tall, dont attempt to eat her cuz she will swat you away

Lets get into sweetums other stuff like her past, when sweetums used to have candy cane legs(they were crushed because of her added mass, she wasnt really happy back then due to being seen as some oddity to most of the other narrators for being capable of feeling empathy for humans and other races below her, she used to own a bakery in valestrum and enjoyed the company humans gave her, due to being shamed by other narrators(most narrators are cruel) while in valestrum she also managed to befriend guidal, who had a great liking to sweets, so they got allong just fine(in current times sweetums and guidal have teaparties and talk about their large families), she also knew of Tess before he was 1x'd because he was one of her regulars, and guidal wouldn't stop yapping about him (i hc that guidal is tesses grandpa and that guidal once got into a relationship with a human female and made a family with her),

and now for people she knows but doesn't like, she doesn't feel comfortable around voidkin and demons like paper demons, crevons, eye headed demons, etc because she views them as evil, if someone like scriptliss visited her candy filled pocket dimension she would give him a bag of cookies and try to get him to leave(because scriptliss would usually nice to sweetums if they ever met cuz shes a granny) however she hates 1x and dusekkar with a burning passion because 1x killed her best friend(guidals) grandson, and dus didn't even try to revive him

Now a funny fun fact, sweetums has adopted many orphans who all reside in her pocket dimension, she also has a 20 ft tall cupcake grandson called jerrell jr, she's very similar to big mom from one piece but shes much nicer

Anyways i think this is enough yapping, have a funny drawing of difinitiefs human form so that hes atleast included

ill make a part 2 latr

[honeekyuu]

hi! this is my first time sending in an ask, i don't really know much about tumblr etiquette so i'm really sorry if i do this wrong. i've recently read a lot of your work, in particular all your chubby reader series and honestly i can't keep quiet about it. i'm not sure if you write from experience when it comes to a chubby reader, but the fics of yours i read really reflected some of the more subtle and less talked about experiences of growing up fat that i never really see, these little details that really hit close to home that i had never been able to bring myself to properly acknowledge out of shame for my own body and the experiences i had growing up this way. there were so many little things you wrote in that made me stop and put a hand over my mouth because it felt like the words were turning into a mirror. seeing the same exact what-ifs, and body issues, and intimacy issues that often keep me up at night being represented in your writing makes me feel something very difficult to explain, but the simplest way i can describe it is gratitude. i had never really brought myself to care too much about this kind of representation because when it happens, people usually get it wrong. a lot of fat characters are commonly written with a glaring flaw where their whole personalities revolve around their fatness, like they are not granted the same complexities other kinds of characters are. i guess i'm just saying that you really got it right with your writing and for the first time i felt seen in my body in a comfortable way. it takes both a lot of talent and a lot of love to be able to cause such deep heartfelt reactions from a story and i wish i could better express just how much what you've written resonates with me. <3 anyway i am so sorry for yapping and i'm sorry if it's impolite or ill mannered to write so much in an ask but i really wanted to send something in because i really love your writing! :3

hey there anon. this was kind of super beautiful gorgeous lovely perfect sexy, and i kind of love you for it. i really really appreciate this ask a lot, because i do write from experience but i can never really tell if it's just mine or the experience of others as well. it means a lot to hear you say i do it right, bc ive also seen it done wrong before in other fandoms and i would have hated to add to it in a way that disappoints. my point at the end of all of this is that suna rintarou is a chubby chaser and that is my self-indulgent work so i hope you enjoy/enjoyed it LMAOOOO <3333

[kofeedoggo]

cough cough ( ive been meaning to do this for a long time but i kept backing out because i didn’t wanna come off annoying . . )

slides over friendship card because i guess the fandom is just doing this now

since i wouldn’t say there are any qualities of both jae and evon that would make aurien anxious or stressed, im pretty sure she’d approach them both easily !

i do think she would be closer to jae then evon though . aurien is very much a chatterbox, and if she noticed evon was overwhelmed by this she’d probably stop talking around her a lot since she’s very dramatic 😀

though it seems jae would not mind it as much ? if so, then i think aurien would talk her normal amount, if not toned down a bit in fear of overwhelming him too . though i hope jae is also ok with all the physical affection from aurien because she can be pretty smothering sometimes ! ( another word for all the time )

anyways ill end this here because im just yapping at this point on and on at this point 😁 i really like both jae and evon though ! i hope we can learn more about them in the future ! <3

Hi!! No worries, I really love these asks!! <3

Like I’ve said before, Jae appreciates people who approach and talk to them! He’d love to listen to her chat and even try to input his own thoughts to her dramatics. I think at the start he wouldn’t understand that she was trying to be dramatic and be like “Huh… what.. wait isn’t that….” DJKAJS

Physical touch is something that Jae is most definitely not used to yet- the most he’s ever done was put his head on Evon’s shoulder when they’d take a nap together. He might flinch the first few times she tries to hug him and become as stiff as a board. Aliens are super messed up!!!! But he’d get used to it at some point

Since Jae and Evon are mostly hanging out near each other, Evon would probably notice that she’s talking less to her. She wouldn’t actually mind that, though! She’s pretty okay with others not minding her, and sometimes prefers it. She’d enjoy just reading or sleeping near them as they talk to each other, and maybe even input some of her own thoughts if she overhears them talking about something she’s interested in, though seldom ^^

Sorry this was answered so late! And again, don’t worry about yapping or coming off as annoying, I love interactions like these :D

[abitofboth]

Loki having a cold but denying it because "gods dont get sick" and mobius taking care of him?

thank u so much for sending a prompt!! I hope u enjoy <3

“This is-“ Achoo! “Completely-“ Achoo! “Unnecessary-“ Achoo!

“Oh, yeah? Then stop sneezing.”

Loki was standing in their shared kitchen with his arms folded over his chest, nose stuffy yet running, a numbing headache tingling in his brain, and a hoarse throat. He was well and truly ill.

He’d be the last to admit that, though.

“It’s not like I have an on-and-off switch for it!” Loki’s voice was nasally, croaky and weak compared to his usual smooth words. “If I had my magic I’d be able to stop, but nooo, the bloody TVA doesn’t know how to have fun. Boring bastards. I mean, really, depriving a god of his magic? It’s borderline sin—“

“Quit your yapping, would you?” Mobius tugged at his arm and sat him down at the dining table, patting his shoulder as he walked behind him for good measure. “You’re gonna lose your voice if you keep blabbing on like that.”

“No, I won’t, because I’m not ill. We’ve already been through this, Mobius.”

“Nah, you went through it. I just had to sit and listen ‘cuz there was no way in hell to get you to shut up.” Mobius smirked at him, turning around to turn on the kettle and get two mugs out of the cupboard above. He opened a draw and retrieved a couple of spoons out of it, dropping one into a mug and setting the other on the counter. “I don’t know what constitutes ‘ill’ on Asgard, but by my standards, you’re sick.”

“Gods don’t get sick.” Loki practically sneered.

“So you’ve used up a box of tissues blowing your nose, what, just for fun?”

Loki just rolled his eyes and growled under his breath, but with the way that his nose was flushed red he had all the intimidation of a kitten. Mobius chuckled as he poured out the now boiling water into the two mugs. “That’s what I thought.”

He brought the two mugs over to the table, being careful not to spill the water, and Loki quickly set down coasters before Mobius could put the mugs down. He gave him a sheepish grin as he said thank you, knowing full well the coffee rings adorning all the surfaces through their apartment were solely his fault. He just had more pressing things on his mind than what surface his cups were sitting on!

Regardless, he grabbed a jar from the counter and popped open the lid, grabbing the spoon in the mug and scooping out a big dollop of honey, dropping it into the hot water and stirring it well. He did the same for the other mug, and when he was done he scooped up a smaller, more modest spoonful of honey. With his other hand, he tapped at Loki’s cheek. “Open up.”

“I’m not a child.” Loki pouted, though he complied anyway.

“I know.” Mobius said, before unceremoniously shoving the spoon into his mouth. “Suck on that for a little while, it’ll help while you wait for the water to cool down enough to drink. Feel free to help yourself to some more.”

He placed the jar in front of Loki on the table and smiled at him fondly before turning to the stove. He busied himself with emptying a tin of soup into a saucepan and started to heat it up, fetching a bowl from the cupboard in the process. He could feel Loki’s eyes watching him, but it wasn’t a bad feeling. It was quite comforting, actually.

“My mother would approve.” Came a quiet voice from behind him.

“Mm?” He looked over his shoulder to glance at Loki, who had a soft expression lingering over his face. Mobius could tell that he was lost in thought. “Approve of what?”

“You, bustling around to take care of me.” Loki’s gaze fell towards the mugs in front of him. He let out a breathy chuckle, sniffing back a sneeze before speaking again. “She used to force honey on me, too. It tastes different on Asgard, did you know? I doubt that we have the same bees, but- just interesting, is all…”

Mobius looked towards him sympathetically, knowing this was coming from the deep sense of homesickness that Loki had never really grown out of. He could say he hated his family and past life as much as he wanted, but judging from the way he’d cried watching his TVA files in the time theatre it was clear it all still had a place in his poor heart.

Mobius silently sighed to himself, scornfully wishing there was some way that he could give Loki everything he wanted and more, but he knew that it would never go well. Every bad plan here at the TVA ended with a pruning stick.

He supposed he’d have to settle with comforting him as much as he could. He could do that for him. He’d do it until the end of time.

Mobius took the saucepan off the heat and poured the soup into the bowl, careful not to splatter it everywhere, and took the spoon that was sitting on the counter to drop it into the bowl. The steam rising up from the hit liquid danced in front of his eyes, and it smelt delicious, even if only from a tin.

He woefully thought that Loki would probably much prefer homemade soup, similar to the kind he would have had when he was younger, but Mobius knew he’d never live up to the expectations of Asgardian soup. This would have to do for now.

He set the bowl down in front of Loki and pulled his chair so he would be sitting right next to the god. His hand fell into Loki’s, intertwining their fingers and squeezing him firmly, hoping it would convey all the care he had in his heart for him.

“Tell me more?” He asked softly.

Loki gave him a small smile and leant forward to press a kiss to his forehead.

“Your honey is far sweeter than ours. Or maybe it’s just you.”

[thespiantherepist]

Devoted Devotee Yandere Bakugou x Superfan reader!

{Warnings: Blood, obsession, creepy vibes. Yanderes, jealosy. Be careful here if youre not one for uncomfy themes. 18+ minors DNI. Enjoy the story! ~Nugget!} Ever since his debut you were obsessed. You had never heard of him until he lit up the city streets with light reminiscent of a newly born sun god. You were mesmerized. You watched him catapult through the air. His face and teeth shown with a sense of danger. He looked ready to kill if nessasary.  It drove you wild. SURE for a while your friends made fun of your newfound obsession. That was until... you didnt have friends anymore. You were a nice enough person! Sure, that wasnt the problem. They just got tired of not hearing about YOU. They always heard yap of the hero. “GROUND ZERO.” This, and, “GOD EXPLOSION MURDER!” That. It was time for  you to take a rehab... but you were’nt aware. You were part of his cult. The highest follower.  Papparazi. Spicy fan theories. FAN FICS. Oh how many nights you drooled over the scandelous drawings you blew much of your crypto currency on just to perfect. Your mind was in a haze and your heart was set on him. You went to almost every live viewing. And you were perfectly happy, and healthy... until you were’nt.  You started becoming sick more often. A sense of dread filling you if you were’nt able to snuggle up to your pillow with Ground Zero’s voice. Straight. In your ear. Insomnia would creep in. But you still woke as enthusiastic as ever, because you needed money for these meets... and money, comes from work. Your co-workers, were not as polite as your friends. While you rarely spoke to them, and mostly just to the clients they could always hear it.  Same as your friends. You would go to work and then be sent back home for being too sick sometimes. On one occasion your boss sent you some food, just so you’d eat. She used child tactics on you. “Ground Zero would like it if you ate your food dear.” She’d say, her soothing voice in front of you as you looked up. She’d give you a big smile. And you would eat. These. Were the only times you wouldnt talk of him. The womans heart broke everytime you talked of him. She would run her dark hands across your cheeck and softly tell you that he wasnt worth your love. She was never in the position to produce children. And she never wanted a husband. Nor did she want a wife. You were the closest to a grandchild the old woman had. So. To show your graditude you stopped. You chatted with her for hours. About you. Only you... and yourself. And that made her happy. You never thought you would get the chance to actually meet him. FOR REAL.  Your eyes buldged out of their sockets. You pulled your phone out, snapping pictures of him gliding through the air. HE WAS SO GRACEFUL! He looked like an angel and you thought of crying. He roared so loud you thought he’d damage his beautiful vocal cords. He finally after a greuling battle was able to take down the stupid villain. You swooned. Eyes filling with hearts as you leaned back wistfully. If only you could touch him. Then your life would be conten- “DUMBASS LEAVE ALREADY!” You felt a harsh prod at your forehead. Blinking you righted yourself. Awestruck at the sight before you. In fornt of your own two eyes. Touching you. Was Ground Zero. You fell to your knees. Hugging his boots.  “OMGOMGOMG!!!!! YOURE GROUND ZERO, I AM LITERALLY YOUR BIGGEST FAN. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LONG IVE WANTED TO MEET YOU!”  Behind his eyes there was a look of pure malace as he stared at his feet which were covered by your body. He was tempted to blast you to peices before realising. You were just a civilian. Just a weak, little, pathetic- You looked straight up at him. Eyes of admiration glistening back up at him. A hole night sky encapsulated in the precious lenses that were your eyes. He was taken aback. Suddenly noticing the adorable smiling face that peered up at him. He was almost confused. ‘When will they stop looking at me like that?’ He thought. But the longer he stared at them... the more enrapturing they got. He shook himself form the thought and pryed you away from him. “Fuckin what?” He said almost winded. Watching as you spryly lifted to your feet. Barreling back towards him before skipping in one spot.  “YEAH YEAH YEAH! OOH OOH.” You plucked a pen and notebook from your bag and shoved it towards him. He looked at it in discust. But at you? He just couldnt look away. “PLEASE PLEASE PRETTY PPLLLLLLEEEEASE SIGN THIS! YOURE MY FAVOURITE AND I ADORE YOU!” The amount of praise you put out almost nullified any sense of discust now.  Witht the crowd gone and the sky darkening he sighed. But just before he could grab the objects. ‘Ill sign it! Mr. Fun Zero here wont take a chill pill for one second!” A flirtatious and somewhat goofy voice chimed in from behind him. A flash of yellow,and black passed the two of em. Chargebolt quickly wrote his alias... and his number. Followed by a black and yellow heart. Pikachu ears poking out at the top. He winked at you and handed the book back. “Youre a cutie, ya know?” He asked you retorically as you stared at the signature in confusion. “Haha! What am I asking of course you know.” He said in a friendly way.  Ground Zeros fists clenched. Noticable sparks flaking out. He wanted you to whine. And to complain. To bawl and cry about how that dumb pikachu stole HIS spot.  Bit you just awkardly and kindly nodded. The vibe kind of ruined now.  “I uhhh... I’ll get going.” You said jabbing a finger at the opposite road. Before you could even turn around Ground Zero snatched your book and held it over his head. You almost pouted. But he motioned for the pen. You squealed in joyous glee, as you handed it to him. He turned his head around. Sticking his tounge out angrily at Denki. He wrote three things.  His real name. His number. And a note...  “Ill always watch over you.~Ground Zero.” You watched in absolute astonishment at the scene. He gave the book back to you. Leaning in to close a distance, ‘Why the fuck are you doing this?’ He asked himself. Furious. ‘It feels right.’ He rebuttled. As he handed the book back to you he made sure to graze your fingertips. Keeping his serious, and stern look on.  “You better be going back home soon Teddy Bear. Dont want you getting hurt.” He turned you around for good measure. Making sure to lightly tap right above your ass to make you flustered.  Which you were. Immensely. Your face heated up like the surface of a blue star. Blood pouring from your nose to your cheeks. You whipped around and bowed several times. Getting a bit of blood on the ground. “THANK YOU SO MUCH. Uhh I UUHH. BYE BYE!” And with that you zipped off. Zooming straight back to your apartment and falling asleep straight as you locked the door and collapsed on the couch. Bakugou stayed behind. An inner quarrel raging in his mind. ‘TEDDY BEAR WHAT THE FUCK? “WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT! ‘You tapped their ass what the fuck you perv? ‘They liked Denkis more than yours. ‘I wanna see them writhing beneath me. He tried to shake them. Flustered horribly by these thougts. HE HAD ONLY JUST MET THEM! He needed to calm down. Then a voice breached all his other thoughts. “Their blood looks tasty.” Denki was taken aback. And now was moonwalking all the way back to his other patrol area.  Bakuhou didnt care, and insteasd just knealt down. Swiped a bit of the blood off the pavement and licked his finger. He could physically feel his pupils expand. Wider than they ever had before.  He smirked. A tastse of something sweeter than kicking a villans ass, or dragging Deku through the mud. Now he had a target... and they werent getting away. Why would they want to anyway? “

[macklives]

hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

[cloudbatcave]

Earplugs chafe if you wear them too much.

Tuuya’s had ample time to find that out in their work as a quote unquote hero, but somehow, never enough time to figure out a better solution. 

“Please.” They say, tired and not a bit irate, as they sit down. “Stop screaming.”

That shuts the kid up, with a look of terror mixed with resentment on his acne-spotted face. Whoops, probably let the anger slip too much, and with worms coming out of both arms, that’s not a good look.

They don’t have any good looks, but they have marginally less threatening ones.

Being trapped in a half-caved-in grocery store isn’t helping the situation either. Buggering brick manipulator or whatever that villain was is a bloody incompetent; knocked themselves out in the process of knocking the walls down, Tuuya saw them go down, and their quirk isn’t exactly good for brute-force situations.

So now they get to wait while the actual heroes finish the job cleaning up the idiot’s pals, and babysit in the meantime, which is something they are so well suited for.

They ignore the kid for a moment - who’s fourteen if he’s a day - and take some bandages out, wrapping them around all the patches that still show the wriggling creatures. The worms make their resentment known as always by writhing, but similarly as always, they’re covered up anyway and the chances of the kid vomiting go down.

Tuuya is a world champion barf cleanup attendant, but that doesn’t mean they enjoy the practice.

When they look up the kid’s yanking snacks off the non-crushed shelves and sticking them in his backpack.

“Are you serious.” They drawl. “I can see you.”

The kid frowns.

“So? You’re a villain. What are you gonna do - report me?”

He snickers a little at the idea, bouncing back with the vitality of youth as he rifles through the chips and puts more in his backpack. 

They stand back up and flick some debris off their costume, then walk over until they’re leaning against an ice cream container whose lights are out and whose contents are slowly melting.

“What’s your quirk, kid?”

He stiffens, his gaze both angry and wary. He’s dressed in a hoodie under his backpack, and long pants. 

He also has bandages covering up the hands that are so quick to snatch things, and ones on his neck. 

“What are you, a cop?” He retorts. “If you’re not gonna help me out when the heroes get in here, just piss off.”

That snippy teen mouth doesn’t have fangs like theirs, but Tuuya sees that the tongue flickering in it isn’t standard.

They scoop out a wrapped ice cream sandwich - still plenty cold - and throw it at him.

He ducks with a hiss. An actual snakelike hiss, shoulders hunched.

“Thought so.” They nod in satisfaction.

“Shut up!”

He’s actually shaking with rage.

They don’t have the time or motivation or god forbid inclination to try and talk him down.

“Come quietly and you get the minimal trauma package.”

“What is your fucking problem?! You some kind of busybody villain who likes to snitch?”

He’s backing up against a shelf, for what reason they can’t - 

Tuuya hits the floor as a mouthful of what’s no doubt poison flies where their head was.

Oh no, it’s acid, busily melting through the debris of smashed-up vegetables. Yippee.

The kid looks ill, though. How many more times can he do that? 

They throw several ice creams to distract him and just as they hope, he nails them with three more shots of acid before he gags, spitting up blood.

Nope, nope, nope, not allowed.

They pick their way past the sizzling puddles (at least the acid is in small puddles and isn’t the type that spreads, those kinds of quirks are nightmares) and loom directly in front of him, offering up more bandages.

“For future reference, blood is supposed to stay inside you. And very fortunately for you, I’m not - at least legally - a villain anymore.”

They give their widest, most gleamingly sharp smile as he snatches it and coughs into it, shaking, and said smile turns more sardonic as he collapses into their waiting arms.

They pick him up as he goes unconscious and gently undo the bandages around his throat. Sure enough, there are dull gray scales underneath. Probably all around his body.

Some of the rubble shifts, zooming away in bunches of wrecked architecture and the ex-villain sees Shifter standing there looking about as happy as if she’d found a dead rat on her doorstep.

They obligingly hold up the boy.

Her eyes narrow as she steps toward them in her black boots and gray costume, short hair slicked with sweat.

“What’d you do, Hive.”

“Hey, he did it to himself - kid’s an acid spitter, some kind of snake quirk, but he can’t do it more than four times without taking a nap. Probably a runaway, he was looting the snacks.”

She peers over him and makes an irritated noise.

“Is that blood?”

“Oh yeah, he did that too right before slumberland.”

“This isn’t going to look good for you.”

Or any of us, is the implied line, but they know where the resentment is really focused.

Shifter doesn’t pretend to like Tuuya, but she also has about as much patience with conventional heroic nonsense as they do, which makes the pair of them practically friends. 

“When does anything look good for me? Don’t worry, I’ll take the fall. I have such a blamable face.”

The shorter hero mutters something about it having nothing to do with their face and they chuckle. 

Then she turns serious, crossing her arms.

“Hive, don’t you even think about trying to stick up for this kid. You know where it’ll lead.”

“Since when do I stick up for anyone?” 

They’re so nonchalant, they deserve a medal for the amount of effort they are putting in to being the epitome of devil-may-care right now.

Shifter just rolls her eyes, starts trying to restore some of the wreckage back into a vaguely store-shaped form, hands moving in and out.

“Just don’t do it. You know what they’ll say.”

The worm hero carefully lays the boy down on the ground; their arms are getting tired, and it wouldn’t do to drop him. Pity there’s nothing to put his head on. 

They don’t want to be yapped at too much.

Being borderline inhuman in ways that aren’t palatable to the general populace is only forgivable if you do your best to not seem interested in being that way. In other people who are that way.

Yet at the same time, the kid could be rehabilitated. Scales and acid aren’t the most acceptable of quirks, but adjustment is possible. It’s not like he has a tail, or other less savory features.

Or fangs, they muse, running their tongue over their own. If they weren’t so useful, and if it weren’t such a long-lost battle, they’d probably file them.

Their ears flick as they hear another hero come, walking quickly across the concrete as Shifter takes a break in her cleanup.

“Hivemind, what the fuck.”

“Hello, Larkspur, how’s the rumpus.”

The woman’s endless aggression and distaste would be perfectly ignorable and predictable to Tuuya if she didn’t have purple flowers growing out of her face and hair and slightly green-tinged skin.

Unlike Shifter, she’s tall and skinny, with long hair swathed in her namesake. A poison user of the most potent kind.

“How long have you been standing around?” She demands. “We could’ve used you.”

Shifter’s not going to help even if she wanted to. She’s smart enough to not want any of that, taking one look at the other woman, then Tuuya, and pointedly turning in the opposite direction. 

“All of five minutes, and I was keeping an eye on this little ruffian.”

Larkspur looks down and her lip curls.

“You couldn’t have left one unconscious teenager? Shifter’s right here. Unless you just didn’t want to help.”

Blessedly ignorant people might see that merely as an insinuation of laziness. 

The worm hero raises their eyebrows and shrugs.

“Maybe I wanted to keep an eye on an acid-spitter I apprehended.”

“So why aren’t they restrained? Hoping they’d wander off toward us?”

“Actually.” They drawl. “I didn’t want to give him a reason to freak out when he wakes up. It’s a tiny bit uncomfortable, being in chains. He’s a kid, Larkspur. He barely knows what he’s doing.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. Obliviousness of youth.”

The sarcasm and spite in her voice could curdle milk, but Tuuya ignores it. 

“He’s an ordinary, somewhat angry kid who happens to have a quirk he needs to manage.” They say as calmly as possible. “Besides - I saw ice and lasers. I wouldn’t have been much use with those.”

“The rest of us can’t regenerate.” She says dismissively. “We can always use a distraction.” 

A use of their quirk that’s been exploited plenty of times. However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

“Well, look how good you did without one! Wouldn’t want to steal your glory.”

Her green eyes narrow.

“Just get the kid back and file the report.” She turns around and stalks away.

As she goes, Shifter pauses and shakes her head at her associate.

“You’ve got to stop baiting her.”

“Why, just because she can kill me? That’s no fun. Does it count as bait if it’s true?”

“Yes.”

“Darn.”

The kid stirs.

Shifter lifts him into the air with her quirk and into Tuuya’s arms, an obvious cue.

They give her a dazzling smile as they hurry off to the police station.

[atypical60]

It was the worst of dressing. It was the best of dressing.  Not really, it was more of the worst of dressing.

We’ll get to that later.

I want to start by saying that I actually enjoyed the Oscars this year because of Jimmy Kimmel’s hosting ability.   He was sharp, funny, charming and cutting at the same time.

THE OSCARS(r) – The 89th Oscars(r) broadcasts live on Oscar(r) SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2017, on the ABC Television Network. (ABC/Eddy Chen) I honestly was surprised at what a great host Jimmy Kimmel was. He can definitely come back!

Justin Timberlake’s opening number was very entertaining. I love me an all-around great entertainer and Justin fits the bill so perfectly. He can dance—which, when the camera panned to the audience, is something the white actors and actresses cannot do.

Timberlane should have performed ALL the nominated songs with his own touch. His opening number was fantastic!

They couldn’t even act how to dance. It was painfully funny to watch them. Thank you, Justin Timberlake, for being one of the small percentage of white people who can dance (I’m also one of them).

Oddly enough, Elaine dances better than the majority of the white actors and actresses in the Oscar audience last night!

It was awful to sit through some of the speeches too.  Why can’t these people just say “Thank you” and walk off the stage. I don’t want to hear about you thanking your pre-school drama teacher nor do I want to hear you yap about the ice cream man’s effect upon your acting. OK?

The speeches are so self-serving.

I did like Casey Affleck’s acceptance speech. He seems like a very down-to-earth guy. I also love the way his acting is so subtle and not over-the-top.  Denzel Washington didn’t seem to like Casey’s speech. Or maybe my Denzel was pissed off that the Oscar didn’t go home with him!

Jesus  Casey Affleck’s speech was one of the better ones. But Denzel looked really angry. Maybe Denzel came down with the stomach bug that I had and was “holding” things in!  Or perhaps a little birdie flew out of his wife’s bird’s nest hairdo and nibbled at my Denzel!

As much as I am in love with Viola Davis, her speech was eye-roll worthy.  Viola. Don’t take your Oscar acceptance speech too dramatically. You are not auditioning. You won!!  Enough with the emoting. I still love you!

Now THIS is the Viola I love to see. Smiling and beautiful. Viola–you looked too serious during the speech. Stop it.  Be the fun Viola!  I love you so much!

And speaking of speeches.  Why do they all have to give the cliché “This-award-belongs-to-everyone” spiel? Take the damn win gracefully. Thank the guy or woman who cast you. Thank the director, and for crissakes, thank yourself.

Here’s what I would say if I won an Oscar for acting:

Me: “Wow! I’m really surprised!” “Anyway, I would like to thank (insert casting agent here) for casting me. And I would also like to thank (name of director) for really bringing out the best in me. I hope I didn’t disappoint you.  I also want to give myself credit for working hard and having a stellar work ethic. It isn’t every day that you have an employee like me on set” “I work hard for what I have and it shows”. “Again. Thank you”.

And then I would walk off the stage.  I would not thank God because when I wake up every morning I thank him.  I would not thank my kids because as much as I love them, I am thankful to them every day.  I wouldn’t thank Bonaparte either unless he gave me back my credit cards!

NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD CASTING PEOPLE! HERE I AM!  Look at ME!  See the many different facets and emotions I put forth. I’m happy. Pensive. Mysterious. Angry. Sad. Scared. Thoughtful. Playful. Adorable.  Old.  Mature. OK. I look more like the neighborhood crazy lady. But who cares. I’m an ACTOR!!!

And what about the snafu with best picture. I should have stayed awake a bit longer but as soon as the wrong “best picture” was announced, I shut off the remote and went to sleep. I know every single person who saw “Hidden Figures” said that was the movie that should have won.  Well, at least “La La Land” did not win. I liken it to “Birdman” with songs and white people bad dancing.

The actor, Mahershala Ali who won for Best Supporting Actor–people were all goo-goo over the fact he was the first Muslim actor to win the Oscar. I’m really getting annoyed with the labels.  Who. Cares. What. Religion. He. Is.  Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Athiest. Why does his belief get a mention. The man can act. Let’s believe he won the Oscar because of his acting ability and not the fact he’s a Muslim. He’s also cute.

Yeah Mahershala Ali. I really could care less what your religious beliefs are. I just care about you as an ACT-OR!!!

This could have been a conspiracy you know.  I think the younger powers-that-be in Hollywood sabotaged Beatty and Dunaway because of their older age. Yeah. Ageism runs rampant. In Hollywood, you are ancient at 40. Beatty and Dunaway are close to 80 if not already there.  I’m sure they were made to look senile. Yeah. I’m pretty sure they were sabotaged!

Hollywood doesn’t like THIS version of Bonnie and Clyde. They are too old….

Hollywood likes THIS version better.  The version without Faye’s bad plastic surgery!

But you know what really bothered me?  The fact that the American entertainment press as well as The Academy never congratulated Isabelle Huppert on her Cesar win for best actress in the film “Elle”—of which she was nominated for an Oscar.

Huppert won the Cesar Friday evening. I’m sure she was enjoying some very expensive French Champagne and wine afterwards.  Then she had to get on a plane and fly to L.A.  Then she had to get all dolled up for the Oscars. Not one reporter mentioned her Cesar win.  These are supposed to be well-informed journalists and yet, nobody could be the good American and congratulate her! Shame on the press!

Isabelle Huppert with her Cesar award!  She looks fabulous in green. She looks fabulous period!

I congratulate you Isabelle!  I love you!

But let’s get to the good stuff. Let’s get to the fashions or lack thereof.

It never ceases to amaze me at how awful these actresses (Yes. I’m being sexist. They are females and I am referring to them as actresses) can look at a major event.  Their stylists really need to be fired. Terminated. Let go.  I should be hired instead.

Let’s have a look-see.

Huppert at the Oscars. She looked a little tired–considering she probably partied all night after WINNING that Cesar that nobody congratulated her on!  Her Cesar dress was much better.  This dress would have been better in a brighter color but I’m not crazy about it. It’s bland. She should have gone with a more fitted dress because she has a great body!

Kirsten Dunst. Hands down. THE best dressed of the evening. This Dior is a knockout. Look at the shape the dress gives her. I LOVE the fact the hem is shorter in the front showing off those great shoes. A throwback to the glamour of the 1950’s. What a great look! This is the best Dunst has ever looked!

My second-best dressed of the evening. Viola. OMG. She looks so freakin’ beautiful in this bright shade of red. And the dress is simple and the cold shoulder is so perfect for her. She is so beautiful that I can’t stand it!

Taraji P. Henson must have read my Grammy blog post. She looked awful that night but she did a complete turnaround. She’s my Number 3 Best Dressed. OMG! I LOVE this dress. The shape of the dress, the neckline, the slit, the velvet–it works so well. And the shoes!  And the hair. Thank you Taraji for listening to me. You can fire your old stylist and hire me. OK?

What an incredible transformation from Grammy night–huh?

Hailee Steinfeld. Another Best Dressed. I love watching her on the red carpet because she always gets it right. This dress is so fresh and adorable and youthful. It is perfect for a younger woman and she just looks like a princess in it.  She’s one to watch!

OK. She isn’t an actress but Robin Roberts looked better than 95 percent of the actresses at the Oscars. She looks like a pretty gold statue. And guess what? Robin did gold RIGHT! She has a great skin tone for a gold dress. Very Cleopatra.

Shirley Maclaine is still looking good. She’s in her 80’s. She looked very classy…Charlize Theron is another issue….

I swear Charlize Theron wants to underplay her natural beauty. She, one of the most beautiful women on earth, looked terrible in this dress. It looks like an old lady formal dress. It’s frumpy.  And the hair. WTF?  Was she trying to channel her inner Ethel Mertz..

Hey. I’m a HUGE fan of Ethel Mertz. But really, I do think Theron was trying to emulate the hairdo!

Can someone please explain to me why Ruth Negra and Ginnifer Goodwin look more like Sister Wives than elegant women? Are they both in a movie about Amish rebels? Red is a great color for both women but both of these dresses are not stylish and too fussy. Some stylists should be shown to the door…

Octavia Spencer is not a frail woman. She should not be wearing a dress that cuts her body in two.  First of all, this dress is too high-waisted and cuts her right under the bust. Like Adele, Spencer needs a princess style that is slightly fitted at the waist but doesn’t cut. She needs simple lines. She would look great in a three-quarter sleeved dress with a similar neckline but a more simple cut.  She would also look better with a longer bob.  Let me dress you Octavia. Let ME dress you!

She may be the world’s greatest actress but she’s a lousy dresser! Put some sexy Sophie into your event dressing please!  This dress is just ill-fitting and the bottom has too much material. The color is great though. An updo would have been much better!

Is it a tassel?

NO!  It’s Emma Stone and her pretend lisp!  OMG. This dress is hideous. The color is a bit like what came out of my body near the end of my stomach bug.  This young woman does NOT have the coloring for a dress this color.  The sweetheart neckline is unattractive on her. She needs a higher neck. The dress is too fussy. This is wrong on so many levels.  

Is it my grandmother’s doily?  

No! It’s Nicole Kidman and her overly-Botoxed face!  Again. We have a pale woman and a dress that washes her out.  The lipstick isn’t making you look any better Nicole. I was watching Robin Roberts interview and your lipstick was so smeared you looked like Bette Davis as Baby Jane!  The sad thing is, this dress is beautiful. In a darker color like an emerald green and she would have rocked it….

There are no words… this dress is so horrible that I can’t even..

But I can with this monstrosity! I call this color “The Bile That I Threw Up When My Stomach Bug was in the Upper Part of My Body”. Do these women even so much as glance in a mirror?  This dress is wearing Leslie Mann. She is NOT wearing it! And it looks like a teenaged prom dress. It’s horrific!

Another example of beautiful woman in ugly dress!  Janelle Monae is so beautiful–and even more so now that she isn’t sporting that pompadour hairdo!  Is she trying to look like Marie Antoinette?  Perhaps she’s hiding cake under the bottom of the dress.  There’s just too much going on here.  If the bottom of the dress was slim and sheer with a nude underlay, it would have been beautiful.  She’s a walking “Hidden Figure” under this thing!

Hey girl, is it Justin Bieber?

No!! It’s Scarlett Johansson as Justin Bieber in a gown! Good Lord. What did that Frenchman DO to her?  Scarlett. Please. For the sake of us all, please go back to the sexy vamp Scarlett!!  This look is not becoming on you. At all. 

The extremism in Hollywood is so disturbing to me. Either titties are hanging out like two pink-tipped buoys floating in the sea or these women are covered up like Amish pastor’s wives. I’ve seen NUNS show more skin!  Is the apron so you can cook with Wolfgang Puck at the after party?  This dress is like the mistake Trump’s parents made when he was conceived!  And the hair.  Did Dakota Johnson start co-washing instead of using shampoo?   I’m scared of this look. Seriously.  This dress is 50 Shades of Shit!

What is it with pale ladies and dresses that wash them out. GET A FAKE TAN IF YOU WANT TO WEAR A DRESS LIKE THIS!!!    I think my grandmother wore a similar dress to my Baptism some 60 years ago.  And the shoes. I don’t even see painted toes! Felicity Jones has had more worse looks than good ones. She needs to either fire a stylist or hire one!  

Last of all we have Guiliana Rancic. This dress was the topic of conversation last night. Bonaparte loved it on her and thought she looked beautiful. I was talking to Oona on the phone and she couldn’t stand the dress. I’m on the fence. There’s a lot of fabric but I love the color on her. And she looks great in the one-shoulder Grecian look gown. Her hair and makeup are perfect.  I’m really in the middle.

That’s it!  Fashions were mostly on the bland side.  The one WOW dress was Dunst’s.   I need to think of what I’ll wear on the red carpet when I start interviewing these people who are more self-centered than me! 

I almost forgot. Kristin, Brad and Kriss were the red carpet crew on E. At least Kristin’s boobs were in their places.  Brad’s tux was bland. And at least Kriss got rid of her butch “do”. She must have read my posts about her red carpet looks. That dress of hers brings attention to those hips of hers. She needs a stylist–and not her daughters as stylists either.  I’ll dress ya Kriss!!!

Here’s a great one from Danny Kaye “The King’s New Clothes”!  Very appropriate!

Atypical60 Looks At The Oscars 2017!! It was the worst of dressing. It was the best of dressing.  Not really, it was…

[mischievouspoltergeist]

About me :3

1: Name; Charlie, or Char 2: Age; 21 3: 3 Fears; trains, spiders, the dark 4: 3 things I love; Chocolate, my phone, & my dog 5: 4 turns on; biting, good long kisses, touch my thigh and we’re so done, lingerie 6: 4 turns off: too much talking, blindfolds, the mere suggestion of taking pictures, and men being butthurt when I tell them I’m not enjoying something 7: My best friend: Daniel, my best friend of 10 years :3 8: Sexual orientation: I don’t even know anymore 9: My best first date; Went out for a walk around a beautiful lake. It was a good day. The best dates involve exercise for me tbh 10: How tall am I: V.small. 5′4 11: What do I miss: Going for 14 mile walks. Got no one to go with since my mam stopped! 12: What time were I born: I have absolutely no idea. My parents don’t remember anything like that. 13: Favorite color: Bluuueeeeee 14: Do I have a crush: Yes 15: Favorite quote: (gosh this is hard) I guess one that always sticks out is ‘Love that is not madness is not love’ - did a whole art project around that quote a few years ago 16: Favorite place: A beach about half an hour away from me. I just feel so chill there 17: Favorite food: chocolate. all the chocolate 18: Do I use sarcasm: Every other word is sarcasm, baby 19: What am I listening to right now: The sweet silence of an empty flat with the slight hint of fridge noise. 20: First thing I notice in new person: I have no idea. I don’t think like that, I guess. 21: Shoe size: UK size 8. Annoyingly big 22: Eye color: Hazel/brown/green, they change colour for some weird fucked up genetic reason 23: Hair color: Naturally brunette, currently blonde/ginger 24: Favorite style of clothing: Comfortable 25: Ever done a prank call?: Nope! Don’t have the guts! 27: Meaning behind my URL: Peeves from Harry Potter 28: Favorite movie: Harry Potter - any of them 29: Favorite song: Right now? Halsey - Haunting, or possibly Strange Love. Hard choice 30: Favorite band: Probably always be Linkin Park tbh. Those guys slay me 31: How I feel right now: A little bit sleepy but happy 32: Someone I love: A lot of people. I have a lot of love to give 33: My current relationship status: In an exclusive crush-ship 34: My relationship with my parents: Strained, at best. 35: Favorite holiday: A few years ago, me, my mum and my best friend took a nice quiet trip to Cornwall and it was so chill and de-stressed. 36: Tattoos and piercing i have: None 37: Tattoos and piercing i want: I don’t like piercings much, and I want so many tattoos 38: The reason I joined Tumblr: A friend told me to 39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: Oh my god so much. Well, idk if he hates me but frankly if I ever see him again and I have a hot iron to hand... 40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: At the minute I do and I never knew it would make me this happy 41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?: Nope 42: When did I last hold hands?: November 9th 2016 43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: Anywhere from 15 minutes to 45. 44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?: Hell no. I don’t gots no one to show off to. 45: Where am I right now?: At my dining table in my lovely new flat <3 46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: Hopefully, my best female friend Charlotte :3 She’s pretty reliable 47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: Honestly depends what mood I’m in. I try to keep it reasonable but if I’m stressed or angry, the volume increases 48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?: Nope! Just moved out my mum’s! 49: Am I excited for anything?: THE YU-GI-OH MOVIE OMG 50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?: Yah. Best friend 51: How often do I wear a fake smile?: 97% of the time. I find I feel better if I smile anyway. Fake it til you make it~ 52: When was the last time I hugged someone?: Uhhhhh Sunday :3 53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: I’d be pretty upset and hurt and confused! 54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?: Probably! 55: What is something I disliked about today?: I had to drive a car. Why make me do this 56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: Maria Mena. I just want to. 57: What do I think about most?: Idk. The crush bae. Naruto. YGO. My crushing mental illness. They all take up my mind evenly. 58: What’s my strangest talent?: I don’t think any of my talents are strange! (but I would say that) 59: Do I have any strange phobias?: Windows is pretty odd. I won’t touch windows if it’s dark outside. I rarely want to touch them during the day. 60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: Both! 61: What was the last lie I told?: That I’m totally ready to book my driving test on the 20th February! 62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: Talking on the phone 63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: I already answered this to hell the other day I’m lazy. So yes to aliens, unsure about ghosts. 64: Do I believe in magic?: Sadly, no 65: Do I believe in luck?: Strangely, yes 66: What’s the weather like right now?: It’s pissing it down. 67: What was the last book I’ve read?: Loving someone with bipolar disorder 68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?: No 69: Do I have any nicknames?: Char, Charmander, Lottie 70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?: I crashed my motorbike and sliced my knee right down to the bone. Took 6 hours of awake surgery and some of it was so bad that it couldn’t be stitched. 71: Do I spend money or save it?: Save when I’m well. Spend when I’m not. 72: Can I touch my nose with my tongue?: Nope 73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?: Nope 74: Favorite animal?: Snow leopards 75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?: Sleeping! :3 76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?: Fuck knows 77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?: Babycakes - 3 of a kind 78: How can you win my heart?: Say ‘Charlie.... will you walk 14 miles of the South West Coast Path with me today?’ or say ‘Charlie... will you tell me about your bipolar disorder and what I can do to help you?’ 79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? To steal Spike Milligan’s grave; ‘I told you I was ill’ 80: What is my favorite word?: Probably ‘fuck’ 81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I CAN’T NAME JUST 5 82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: You all suck. Be nice to other people. 83: Do I have any relatives in jail?: Not that I know of! 84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: Hopefully the power to turn invisible whenever I want 85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: I don’t know. I’m pretty shameless honestly. 86: What is my current desktop picture?: Yu--gi-oh Bakura-shipping 87: Had sex?: All the sex 88: Bought condoms?: Yup bcos safe sex is good and because my friends used to go ‘will you buy them for me? I’m too scared!’ 89: Gotten pregnant?: Thankfully, no 90: Failed a class?: Yup. Chemistry A-level. You only get one batch of materials for your exam and if you fuck up with them, you fail the exam automatically. I very cleverly tipped hydrochloric acid all over myself, my coat and my bag, and my seat, and the floor.... and I basically went ‘hm. Maybe Chemistry isn’t for me’ and dropped out. 91: Kissed a boy?: Yes 92: Kissed a girl?: Tes 93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?: Yes. So overrated 94: Had job?: Yes, several 95: Left the house without my wallet?: Too many times 96: Bullied someone on the internet?: Yes, when I was very young I made some very careless and horrible remarks. Got in trouble. Never did it again. 97: Had sex in public?: When we say public, do you mean were we seen...? 98: Played on a sports team?: Only when made to at school 99: Smoked weed?: Yup 100: Did drugs?: See above 101: Smoked cigarettes?: Not unless they had other elicit substances in 102: Drank alcohol?: A lot 103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?: Slowly going vegetarian, easier now I live alone. 104: Been overweight?: Yes 105: Been underweight?: No. Too much muscle to allow it. 106: Been to a wedding?: Yes. Two! 107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: All the time XD 108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?: Yup 109: Been outside my home country?: I went to Scotland once :P 110: Gotten my heart broken?: I don’t know about broken. I maybe broke my own heart once or twice I guess 111: Been to a professional sports game?: Yup. I was 6 and I fell asleep 112: Broken a bone?: Yap. Three fingers, a toe, and my wrist a couple times 113: Cut myself?: Way too much 114: Been to prom?: Nope. I skipped out on that 115: Been in airplane?: Nope 116: Fly by helicopter?: Sadly no 117: What concerts have I been to?: None. Too much noise 118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?: Yep 119: Learned another language?: Partially 120: Wore make up?: Yap 121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?: Yup, because that’s perfectly legal in the UK 122: Had oral sex?: Yup 123: Dyed my hair?: Loads 124: Voted in a presidential election?: Well, prime minister here, but yes 125: Rode in an ambulance?: 3 times last year alone. 126: Had a surgery?: Several when I was younger, and once last year. 127: Met someone famous?: CHRIS BARRIE FROM RED DWARF 128: Stalked someone on a social network?: So many people 129: Peed outside?: Not in the last 15 years or so 130: Been fishing?: No, thank god 131: Helped with charity?: I volunteer for one now! 132: Been rejected by a crush?: Yep. Lewis Spatcher, when I was 10 years old. Then Rebecca Haynes, 11 years old (then outed me as gay and I had the shit kicked out of me :’) ) 133: Broken a mirror?: Nope 134: What do I want for birthday?: Degus, and all the things I need to keep them