#anyway. weird day but i guess successful for me.
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explain to me how i got from painting to a deep dive on ok go, their music videos and how they hate the music industry
#how did we get from one to the next? tbf I have been adhding all day very badly so that might explain it#anyway these dudes did a music video in zero g???? insane. hope they’re doing good#also painting was mildly successful! i usually paint with like. templates ya know#in the way I’ll print out something and trace it and then trace that onto the canvas#but this time i just did some scenery for the first time and like!!! not gonna say it’s louvre worthy#but damn like. my blending? incredible. art concepts? clicking in my brain.#anyway. weird day but i guess successful for me.#forcing myself to walk on the treadmill now though bc I’ve been on my butt pretty much all day#okay it’s been real that’s my daily update that no one cares about ✌️#quite literally idk why I keep posting these but i guess i gotta tell someone about my life ya know?#i’m rambling again aren’t i
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having another one of my job-related crises
#where are the jobs for blokes that do fuck all. where are they!!!!!!!#i am quite literally looking for jobs where you do nothing. you do not understand how much i dont want to do anything#granted my current job has a certain amount of doing nothing in that i have the time to look for jobs where i do nothing#but i want to do even more nothing. do you understand#if i lived on my own i probably would consider some weird night shift job#but its probably better i have the routine i have living during the day like a normal person#despite the drawbacks of my cursed routine#where are those jobs i see people making tiktoks about where you do fuck all in the office and send like one email a day. id kill for that#my dream is to be paid for like. mostly sitting somewhere where i can work on my needlepoint#id even do mindless data entry. PLEASE pay me for mindless data entry i love repetitive tasks. if you let me listen to music im unstoppable#ive come across a couple data entry jobs but i think they always require a college degree#and its like oops sorry i never had the time or money for that! still dont! however i can promise you my autism is qualification enough#my dad talks about the market research jobs he used to have and how for like the entry level jobs there#there was clearly so much goof off time they were playing early computer games and shit#but there were like so much more data entry jobs that i guess are obsolete now bc of technology#and its like yes technology good but theyve destroyed an important job category: jobs where you do fuck all#whenever i have one of these crises i also check out gigs n jobs on craigslist and unfortunately everything there seems so sketchy#like every 'personal assistant' job sounds either super pervy or like im going to get serial killed#i should get paid a million dollars a year for doing nothing at all i think#anyway once again my only option is my successful director dreams. would be great if theyd actually happen#<- guy that doesnt spend enough time actually working on creative works in progress#well anyway. such is my mental state today thank you for your time
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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Daily Log
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Badly carved an eye into an avocado pit with a nail cuticle tool thing. trying to think of better designs to carve into avocado pits. I don't really have the right tools, maybe should order some carving tools. I hate buying things online eeeeee..
Worked on translating a poem into Avirrekava (my constructed language for one of my fantasy species) so I can paint it onto a tapestry sort of thing I'm making, kind of in the style of medieval illuminated manuscripts? I do not have paintbrushes small enough.
Spent a lot of time thinking more about the story with an investigator tracking a doctor who's doing strange experiments and they eventually become friends(ish) after trying to kill each other a few times, lol (set in my fantasy world though, so magic is involved, etc. It's just interesting to think about testing the limitations of magic and what type of experimentation people would do, especially if you own a hospital or morgue or other scenario where you have access to bodies, or good cover for hiding them, etc. Plus worldbuilding religions in the world, what their ideas of morality would be, what an "investigator" or police force would even look like in that setting, etc. Two jhevona main characters in a city full of elves and the in-world politics of that, class war and royals, pretentious scholar communities and how they'd operate, actual magic combat between two advanced magic users and what that would look like (mixing illusions or higher level spells with minor brute force tactics, evasion, enchantments, shapeshifting, etc.) etc. etc. ).
Organized some of my plants, but still need to replant some fully. Succulents grow SO fast, I think I'll run out of room. Also one has burnt to a crisp during the heat wave last week.. my son.. ToT.
Edited a few costume photos then gave up because my camera is evil and I always have that thing where it looks really cool in the mirror but then the final photos suck, which demotivates me to even do anything with them/feels like a waste.
Still chronic health issue sick stinky as usual, plus it's still warm inside from the heat a few days ago so being hot makes joint pain worse... evil.. no energy. fell asleep on the floor for like 30 minutes.
Tried a new oreo flavor and ranked it on my comprehensive oreo ranking list. Mediocre as usual, but I'm too far in to give up now gghj.. I have to just try them all. A fool's labor.
Notable sights: found one 6 leaf clover, two 5 leaf clovers, and eleven 4 leaf clovers. Saw a rabbit, 3 cats in windows, and 4 ducks. Also at some point I was squishing gum in my hand and pulling it apart and when stretched out it would make these really cool spindly spider web patterns. The sky later in the day was hazy pink, purple, and blue pastel sunset.
Goals moving forward: Wake up on time even if I feel sick when I wake up!!! Focus on more immediate projects, don't get distracted. Actually make room for investing in social time and replying to people even with minimal energy reserves. Stay consistent with physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, email doctors, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks.
Notable foods: None today, but I have asparagus for later which is exciting... my new favorite vegetable whilst on the stinky Nutritionist Prescribed Special Limited Diet
#I don't know the point of posting this publicly#maybe just makes it feel more like I'm doing somehting or easier to hold myself accountable making a public declarations#of my goals and progress or etc. lol#Weird blog content I think but then also this IS like.. my personal blog so#. technically I can do whatever. It's just an atypical format of personal post ghgj#ALSO the finding so many clovers thing is cool because just last week I also found one 6 leaf clover and a few 5 leaves and a#ton of 4 leaves. I hadn't found a 6 leaf clover in a few years until literally the past few weeks Iv'e found two of them#The most I've ever gotten is a 7 leaf. Maybe just one?? possibly two but I think just one of them.#so I guess the ultimate goal would be 8 leaf. if that's even plausible.#I don't know what to do with them all though. I put them usually in the book with the rest of my pressed flowers and then#move them into a container once they're dried out. I could make more flower arrangement type things (like gluing dried flowers#to a page in a pattern) out of them like I have a few times. Or use them with the wax seal stamps or something#but I have so many.. IF i OWNED AN ACTUal house or somehting it'd be cool to do like.. a Wall#a clover wall where I just post them up everytime I've collected some. and see if I can fill the whole wall over time#One day ... if I can ever be successful at the Game Of Resources And Capitalism enough to have a modest little#home in like.. Scotland or canada or something... I can finally paint walls and do interesting things#REALLY have always wanted to have a cloud mural on the cieling of a room or etc.#aNYWAY....#any other Clover Hunters out there.. tell me what you've found. the mythical 8 leaf?? or anything idk.#avocado pit carving tips. tell me what you thought about the Black Out Cake oreo flavor. etc. etc. hgjhghjb#daily log
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#ugh. the fucking struggle of a thing i will not talk about. its just an off shoot of one of my many#obessive compulsive tendencies. it just makes me think of my dad. like hes also a fucking anxious person but hes like. i have the thoughts#but then i dont let them control me so its not an issue. and he knos i get caught up on the structure and identification of problems so#hes always like. its only an issue if its like ruining ur life. and hes right and i definitely meet the standards of both of those things#bc im fucking thinking abt these things constantly. its in my head literally all the time. every second of the day#and i mean i guess this specific thing isnt ruining my life but it certainly isnt helpful and in combo with everything else my quality of#life is not what it could b. idk it just feels all empty which is y i became a fucking workaholic#bc i just get so fucking bored stuck in these stupid patterns that at least i can make myseld useful as i drive myself nuts#it also doesnt help that im still trying to unfuck my leg and not being very successful bc theres this fucking voice in my head like#keep moving. u cant sit down. walk around. dont stop. dont stop. dont stop. i can feel the muscles getting irritated again#its unbearable bc it doesn't really even hurt. i just kno im fucking it up for myself and i have all this excess energy that i cant get rid#of bc i cant run. anyway its just irritating#i probably triggered myself by watching the bear all day lol. its so good but it reminds me of working in a shitty banquet hall when my#brain was on fire. and theyve got that toxic workahoism that i so desperately cling to. and in a weird way i can relate tho their fucked#up mom when everyones just trying to help but shes so fixated on this thing that's clearly causing her distress but shes just screaming at#them. like i mean i have insight into my issues and i try not to let them affect anyone but me but its so hard when its like. i have to do#this thing. i have to do it. i kno its bad. i kno its fucked up but shut the fuck up and let me do this. u dont fucking understand#but i wouldn't say that bc i kno its irrational. ugh. i also have to go to a lab dinner tomorrow. maybe#no time has been listed so idk. its for my leaving so im technically the focus. hate that for me. whatever. itll b fine#at least the place is within walking distance and its like less than 3 weeks until i leave#unrelated
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the "what are you even talking about, like what do you mean when you say this" overlap imo between people talking about who's Bad At """conflict""" & talking about who's Bad At """"""social skills"""""" like. those supposed Social Skills being about carbonized Rituals that serve to indicate you're not a threat to each other, b/c the only reason to truly deviate from "never behaving in a way someone doesn't expect or feel they immediately understand / sympathize with" is b/c you're using more spontaneous communication to Fight, with an eventual winner/loser, and talking is just a power struggle and/or power play to assert your preestablished higher status, i.e. already being thee A Winner here
like this exhausting dynamic b/w these two bros just like talking about what they got out of [xyz] experience and how perhaps especially when you're supposed to be [the concept of Men] things are elevated re: the proximity to / frequency of fighting each other and always assessing each other's Threat Level, and these two random guys just have this tepid discussion and any time someone goes "and i also alternately/additionally thought/felt [xyz]" the other one does the bizarre like, semi exasperated? "no yeah Of Course" as though like oh we are so on the same page you didn't even have to say that and actually you're kind of an asshole for even starting to say it before i immediately cut in as soon as i realized i could agree at all to tell you to shove off with voicing it, how dare you even theoretically think i don't think exactly what you're thinking now shut up….again: exhausting
like Communication, the more freeform or extensive, is Bad, b/c you're potentially in Conflict, and conflict is fighting & being threats to each other & someone potentially needing to be crushed b/c how else do you resolve a Conflict Fight? versus like, can not the concept of A Conflict be more distilled to something so matter of fact that nobody even needs to Feel any ways about it. like the "theoretical" conflicts that would just be like. something can't happen as something hypothetically intended it to. like a scheduling conflict being, in fact, a conflict, without anyone needing to have been in the wrong for having an appointment on thursday afternoon, and without anyone needing to Concede The Point of scheduling anything on a thursday afternoon b/c they are the one who Lost w/e negotiation about how to work around this. can not "i was operating on one understanding of what's going on for you / what you're trying to do and why, and now what's happening isn't aligning with that idea that i had about how things are" be a conflict that can be resolved by perhaps talking to that person. versus assuming you must be correct b/c you're normal and so something's wrong with them and/or they're messing with you on purpose b/c they're an asshole now, and even if you realize you were wrong about something way down the line you can just be like "well sorreeee how was eye supposed to know [xyz] and i Thought i was being Nice b/c i Thought you were [xyz] so i was in the right and now you're coming after me by being like 'actually by doing that maybe you hurt or even simply inconvenienced me' like so i'm evil now?? could you not have politely let me keep stepping on your toes forever b/c i assumed something was true? and if you did ummm How Could You Be So Bad At Conflict as to know ppl respond [like this] and so instead politely let me keep stepping on your toes?????? i also resent all this"
versus if you see the conflict of "i seem to have misunderstood you / you misunderstand me" as Not Necessarily Threatening then you can comfortably just actually communicate about it. that autistic people who are used to thinking of themselves through the lens of [how others may interpret any/everything about them], having to be more aware of themself as An Other than A Self, won't assume everyone's reading everyone else's mind at all, or even think of that as the ideal approach, and will like, readily give & seek information from others to actually try to be on the same page and have this Constructive experience where you've worked together to navigate your interaction as two different people who would not somehow magically be in alignment, unless you consider the "alignment" to be the power differences that must exist and the priority in Socializing, thus what makes for "good" "social skills," is never threatening them, or god forbid Disrespecting them by Ignoring them: say, how autistic people will have less status/[the social capital] b/c of being autistic, yet the assholes will be Talking (the medium of a fight) and Asking anything of others like participation in an interaction (fighting) and btw by thinking they're Allowed to talk all freestyle rather than in the hollow scripts of "i'm amicable i'm not threatening you. directly. this may be passive aggressive" and by treating me as a mere equal they're trying to drag me down to their level and/or elevate themself to mine, and b/c this is a disruption of the power hierarchy that must exist, we have a problem, and they started it, and they're an asshole
(also: i & many people Do also consciously disrespect & ignore the [socializing = power struggles] concept & its goings on lol. and there's also ofc no real "normal" Universal social style across all cultures and groups and individuals and Misinterpretation ft. bad faith reactions happens on endless fronts. but nt people will pretend there are Rules that everyone has had to be Trained on and if you disobey you'll never deserve to be treated as a person. all "and people only smile when they're happy. unless, did i miss a memo? that frowns means happy now???" etc etc like you see it's all passive aggression or the tools of passive aggressiveness but to "help" someone without threatening them but you Can be pissed if they misunderstand, or at least know you were in the right.)
the way it's Normal(tm) to never actually think of how you don't Know someone else's thoughts/feelings, to never presume they could operate differently and for reasons you can't just accurately infer with a guess re: why You'd do it, to not try to actively undergo a mutually cooperative interaction to better understand each other / be working with the same info, but oh it's autistic people who Are doing all this who never think about how other people are different from their weirdo asses. the "social skills" of assuming wrongly, getting mad at others for supposedly realities you just made up, responding to assuming xyz & being mad about it by punishing/excluding someone & possibly getting others in on it. whilest nd people with their Wrong social existences & approaches are always navigating communicating/socializing as something to do actively & consciously to connect with & understand other people and Don't necessarily think [wow this person doesn't seem to be behaving Amicably towards me?] is a) correct or b) proof they're an enemy to defeat, b/c that's how they're generally treated? the whole time you know communication can fail and you're navigating that w/active effort & constructive intent while people who operate on [if someone does something you don't expect / not according to the script: kill or be killed. or kill just b/c you can & that's the only way you can relate to yourself/others] are like wow what an asshole who i guess doesn't want to get along with anyone so let's see them in hell.
not to mention being shut out from even basics of communication b/c socializing is about respective power levels and you do need Authority to do things like "say whatever" or "have people care about your personal experience at any time" or "say anything at all, actually" like ppl discussing things like "i don't know that i can't Read Cues, vs that i just know they might mean any number of things" vs if someone's not looking at you while you talk it can't be b/c they're actually trying to listen better, it's b/c they're ignoring you / uninterested to pwn you, if they show they relate by saying "hey yeah that's like when i [xyz]" they're one upping to pwn you, if they smile they're happy people only smile when they're happy unless did i miss a memo that frowns means happy??? b/c if someone also makes any expression it Must have been caused by You and they're letting you know as much to pwn you.....or ppl talking about how they can never jump into a conversation b/c they just Can't Get The Timing Right the way other allistic ppl can walk right up and barge in and be absorbed into the convo, or even have a [one on one convo w/ the autistic person] quickly turn into [one on one w/the newcomer, Excluding the autistic person] and other people being like, is it about our "social skills" and "timing" or is about when you' have the authoriti're understood to have the superior social status, you Deserve to do things like cut in on a whim and be listened to, timing does not matter, Not ignoring / forgetting the inferior person does not matter. like, the issue isn't always just "i tried to jump in and it went a bit awkwardly," it can be standing there and talking and being completely ignored w/o much evident conscious effort, or even the least time on some pending [choice to ignore]. you can be hypothetically In the interaction, like, allowed in the group, w/o people noticing when you talk, b/c you don't warrant Listening/Processing, or at least, the least response to indicate that and thus validate that An Exchange is occurring, versus: shut up already b/c shut up always unless someone else wants you to one word answer a question and then possibly misunderstand you w/hostility, but if you Explain anything in unasked (as it always is) depth you're a) out of line, nobody told you to talk more hence the only reason you'd be justified to do so b) defensive, also out of line when you deserve others' judgment, and/or obviously a sign of knowing you're out of line and thus doing too much to avert your just punishment c) providing info b/c you think w/o info i might be Wrong b/c i'm Dumb & Bad. no You. d) all of the above and more
and if, perhaps because trying to talk live & in person means stuff like the above, and other behaviors/mannerisms being judged as weird so let's kill them b/c obv they're killing us by being so weird, and if you're trying to be "normal" that's diminishing your ability to actually communicate or like get through your day and requires hurting yourself for the benefit of others so they don't hurt you more (spoilers. the resonance w/experiences of other instances of "you're responsible for how other ppl, who are superior / have authority, treat you, and have to 'earn' their positive treatment or even neutrality b/c you do not Already inherently deserve it," i.e. interpersonal abuse) and still won't even fully or always work (see prior parenthetical) b/c even if one person pretends things b/w multiple parties can be unilateral, it is not (see: prior)....anyways and If all that means say, someone can communicate a) more effectively and b) with less real pain & depletion via Other Mediums, like emails / otherwise written, non real time correspondance, or god forbid something so Unreasonable as real time / in person that's still not talking, with correct Tone and Inflection and Body Language and Posture and Eye Contact and Handshake and Je Ne Sais Quoi and Cut Of Your Jib and All American Interests And Sensibilities and Etcccc, like what a tyrannical demand that could just never even be considered and i have the Right to eye contact and phone call and etc etc etc (you do not) Stop Hiding (you warrant avoidance if you think no one should be able to avoid you)
and parallel to nd people having the theory of mind and social/communication skills that don't understand all interactions as asserting or vying for power or indicating you're Not threatening someone in the realm of supposed social power, and thus do not operate with that premise, the victim blaming that is "obviously that treatment is bad and i would know it is bad and not tolerate it because it is bad. so people subjected to it have to be worse than me, and deserve it more" where it's also definitely not the fault of the people issuing the treatment, b/c how could they Really know it's bad if the other person is experiencing it without Stopping them, hence telling them It's Okay??? well sorrreeeeee how was i supposed to know that [xyz] was actually hurting you, it's your fault for not blowing up at me, which would've been deemed this uncalled for reaction if you had, and now i'm mad if you're Making me feel Bad b/c that's the discomfort that really matters????? fuck you for telling me, with this kind of response why didn't you tell me?? like, uh oh, same logic at work. and that when other people keep running into the realities that actually their good faith expressing of "actually this hurts me" or more spontaneous reactions to being hurt are just taken as justifications to treat Them as some aggressor / problem creator wronging the other, ofc they aren't likely to simply keep trying that when it's not serving the purpose it "should" or supposedly Would, b/c well if only this person did xyz then nothing bad could ever happen to anyone. and when people ofc Have to become accustomed to [other person or people who can & will treat them badly if they want to, or even just thoughtlessly, b/c they can, & don't choose to do the opposite, b/c even if they're aware they've hurt someone it only matters if they feel justified / they care more about keeping their relative status (it's being autistic, it's [the Authority of Superior Status is coming from inside the house: the concept that husband owns a wife, parents own children; familial abuse])] then it's like wowww they just put up with it, it's their fault then. god forbid that even if they extricate themself from one abusive situation, they're still vulnerable, other ppl take advantage of the vulnerability & they're now in another abusive situation and are used to navigating that indefinitely, vs how someone else might have the preexisting advantage of Not being used to that, not having the experiences to navigate it more indefinitely, finding it more extraordinary & thus having more confidence in their assessment of the situation, and not having the kind of vulnerability in the first place to a) have been in such situations prior b) be stuck in this one now, including perhaps being able to expect that their feelings will matter to others and others will support/help them on that basis, or that their feelings will even be regarded as real/existent. Being Autistic.
(also, yknow, other nd experiences. like adhd classics of "but if you cared / cared to try, you would simply [xyz]" and the like. this is about the crossovers, this is about the "it's the same thing. [who has the restricted autonomy? who has the power at the expense of others' autonomy?] extended universe")
and like the idea that abused people were just Bad at """Conflict.""" and that even if they're extricated from one abusive situation, they might have xyz behaviors / approaches that aren't Normal and that Those make them "worse" at "conflict" too. that nobody "normal" could be lacking in their "normal" approach to interacting with others, neurodivergent people and others who get to be, like, Others(tm) others, definitely don't have [behaviors / experiences related to repeated trauma??] pretty across the board, they're probably just doing more fucking up at being normal which is why they don't get to be considered normal in the first place, ofc. like, what tf is Normal Joe doing to question if they're perhaps not now and have not always been and may not always be the Perfect Interactor. much less to actively try to navigate that, and assume there'll be more to learn b/c there's all these other people who are all different and all always changing. and to perhaps Try to be safe to interact with beyond "well i Mean well" "well a normal person wouldn't regard anything i did as Tryinnng to hurt someone" "well is it my fault i just Assumed you were simply as normal as me? aka the nice thing to do? the thing you should be trying to do?? way to be a weirdo, like having experienced traumatic harm and now that's like, a part of your life and you're not actually Wrong about it or Lied To that that's possible b/c it clearly is and you can't be aware of the precarity re: that happening again b/c welll it's not normal for it to happen surely, i'd Know if it was, you can't recognize your vulnerability, you're kind of an asshole for making that experience anyone else's problem, it's not My fault, keep it to yourself and just get over it asap" like the real problem is if someone might have to so much as consider consciously doing something differently b/c someone else is different than they thought and also nobody's Above considering others and how they're affected by your actions. liiike so long as i didn't mean to, or so long as we don't really care about how they're doing b/c they Are less of a person with a wronger existence that means they bring it upon themself and there's a Narrative about how actually my Superiority is a noble burden that is only trying to punish them towards being as superior as me. and/orrrr i don't even have to think about it & thus have any narrative b/c it's so streamlined / obfuscated as there being any deliberate interference that this is all just Normal, right. people are out of line suggesting [xyz] is ableist or something b/c ughhh it's not about any principle it's about some emotional quota like, okay i've begrudgingly assessed Some things as sympathetic/reasonable to not do, & that's enough, & you can only ask so much of me vs this being a constant often conscious lifelong matter to deal with like it is for people who could be hurt by it?? the contempt is effortless and normal and you have to be trying to be evil & feel evil about it for anything to count. if other people say they're affected a) who cares b) they're probably being too sensitive. another way they're worse. i'm not entitled here c) are they even frowning to prove they're sad? well they're either too sensitive Or they're manipulatively exaggerating / faking it anyways. the convenient fact that nobody can provide external ""proof"" of their thoughts or feelings or intentions, which means i'm always justified if know i think i am, which, let me check, yep: i know i think i do, and it means that i can assume other people are shit inside and hurting them doesn't do anything Real and they deserve it anyways
anyways merely being Normal Mode and Not Thinking You've Been Malicious Or, Sometimes More Importantly, Out Of Line Re: Your Justified Authority is maybe not a basis of successful interactions. what if you try thinking of yourself as [an other, to all others] and not better than other people if you've never much noticed being treated as worse, or at least not as As Worse as Those people or That person, and maybe just b/c You'd only explain something to someone to patronize them b/c nothing should ever not be immediately understood, doesn't mean other people trying to convey their experiences and ideas to you b/c they know you're different people are attacking you as so inferior to you as to be patronized, b/c you're different ppl and they Are better at communicating / socializing when not treating others as inferior or superior Or only equal b/c of being Litchrelly the same person as you, Never even share a thought b/c Of Course i'd immeidately agree with it, how dare you, shut the fuck up
(thinking how people can Parallelly share a space without talking / seemingly interacting more directly than that, as "i am comfortable w/your presence" and/or "we can both use this space as we see fit simultaneously w/little to no need to hash anything out abt it / may rather silently work around what the other is doing" and this may be seen as signaling hostility / contempt / some power play, like also when cats do it b/c they choose to be around you. or just so Weird. you can't even go to a public place Alone, are you kidding? weird And sad)
maybe just saying "don't be afraid to ask questions / for help :)" doesn't make everyone comfortable asking questions / for help, or otherwise able to. maybe not even doing that much & simply thinking your being Normal & correctly Friendly implicitly conveys it to all & makes you approachable is not that guarantee, either. maybe saying "just tell me if anything makes You uncomfortable" doesn't put the responsibility on them for real, just surely takes any blame off you (no?). like sorry do you Want to asap reach a point where you can forever stop being concerned with how what you do may affect others and assume you're perfectly correct abt the needs of everyone you encounter and how your behavior is good enough to one size fits all treat anyone? speaking of being patronizing, and the attitudes behind it. someone who's abused is now Wronger about how to treat them so that they can feel safe. if they want to communicate in ways that seem weird or too distant they're wronging Me, if some misalignment can only be recognized through someone being hurt (as only judged as reasonable / real by the more Normal party) and having to have a conflict as a Fight to determine who the Wrong / Loser party is, what do you mean that's not going to feel safe to everyone. it can't be that a lot of people easily hurt others without having to notice it or Feel wrong about it. dunno how it could be that ppl are like "does being autistic share traits/behaviors associated w/trauma or is it that like everyone is all but guaranteed trauma for being autistic" and if it does well clearly what matters is no normal people feeling bad for thoughtless contemptuous abusive treatment or having to consider operating on different social values/principles towards any & everyone? the autistic people should just become not autistic, i.e. not exist, i.e. also it's their fault how other ppl treat them, whoops it's the same logic behind [anyone abused in any situation / form]
also the idea that like, what, oh someone's Wronged if they didn't feel they had the Chance to Befriend someone or even be Close to them, like, what, is anyone Entitled to even have some trial run at being any given person's friend, or close to them, or w/e other personal access to them? ppl can then cite a noble Concern like oh but if they don't let anyone in they'll be alone, oh but if a child avoids me their shit parent in their room then that can't be good for them, oh but if an autistic person goes unpunished then they'll always be hated & mistreated (as deserved), like, the primarily cited Benevolent Magnanimous reason for the disdain is secondary to [i'm just justifying continuing on exactly as i've been doing, b/c i already can] like yeah oh my god could it be possible that people in shitty positions going through shitty experiences might have complicated reactions to that reality that is different than yours but not Wronger just b/c you think yours is better / more Normal, which means better. and if they ever take on any blame / take on more responsibility in ways that they direct inwards, like that they Continue to be responsible for how others feel about them, what they assume about them, and how they treat them, (which they probably are b/c that's totally for [inferior abnormaller people] like nervous unconfident loser weirdos like them who just Failed to respect Themselves enough to not be abused & continue to be blamed for that, as well as for not being treated w/basic respect as an equal person) well then how heroic to use the idea of their compounding hurt to wash your hands of your own responsibility in any interactions w/them. they have to become as Normal as me first, how unreasonable for someone to recognize that even "normal" interactions involve some people being deemed superior while other people are more scrutinized, punished, and blamed, w/no recourse, even in Casual Friendly exchanges :) so mean to have been too uncomfortable to say they were uncomfortable or have felt too unsafe to say they felt unsafe! *i* was within my rights as [but i'm just so normal and well meaning] and i mean what do they expect, their standards are impossible and unreasonable and unfair b/c it's not i the range of Normal to Haaave to accommodate them (ugh. the Real imposition), and they're just using excuses vs taking Responsibility & enacting Agency anyways, their fault entirely. people are so sensitive these days you can't just have a conversation??? i have no problem w/this logic thanks
anyways it's half past one and i could always go on. normative standpoint "bad conflict skills" [handshake] "bad social skills" like hmm are they really. so heroic to worrying abt if [xyz] is bad for themself but what's good for themself would probably make you think they're even more of an asshole who's wronging you (e.g. someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [preventing the least conflicts via people pleasing], someone consciously trying to be "worse" at [being deemed marginally more socially successful via masking]), are you being wronged or did you presume you're entitled to something / perceive someone else as entitled b/c they weren't acting like you're inherently better than them, which you are, there's not a problem unless power is threatened, which makes it always the totally inferior people's faults, *i* didn't think there was a problem & *i* would've known (backup: well how was *i* supposed to know)....who gets to be superior, who's always in the Process of having to work for deserving basic respect as a person (b/c they keep failing to deserve it ofc), who's more vulnerable and has no recourse even if they don't like it and would be out of line just asking for otherwise / merely implying as much by expressing that they're hurt, who has the power to hurt someone whether through malicious schemes or spontaneous thoughtlessness/ignorance, who has restricted choices re: their autonomy, who gets to choose what happens to other people & the elements of their personhood, their time, energy, body, feelings, effort, etc, & hurt / imperil (require they take on more vulnerability/precarity) them to enforce it....but who cares like just go "i'm so normal that it's relatable" & wash your hands of anything, after all your time as the individual hero out here lol. try being an Other To Others rando as good as anyone else who can handle the idea they're wrong / don't already know how to be perfectly right abt everything / not feeling the least actively malicious or "out of line" isn't the end all be all sole priority. what are we talking about with what "conflict" fundamentally is, or how to approach it, or the same re: being "social"? well only assholes who wanna flex on me by being pedantic would bring it up
#long post abab#''they're the same picture'' [parental abuse] [being autistic] [Authority over Others enforced w/interrelated/fractaling power systems]#age 7 a teacher duly informing me of my punishment for not only not breathlessly obeying some gesture from across the gym while looking in#that direction but not parsing it as an order; much less what it meant; in the first place? so it's a wednesday then#the feeling that you must just be failing to follow some Rules and it's on you to Succeed before things are decent?#the fact that that is indeed the assertion other people make about the situation?#one iteration of [you're treated worse b/c you deserve it] lining up w/another. & one isn't Wrong/Mistaken for noticing this....#the posts about like weird but positive Family Holiday Celebrations they didn't realize that not everyone did....that but the evil version#you can just make up xmas dinosaur or big sandwich day. you can also just make up ableism or that children are parent's property lmao#but then also. those things are so permeating / common that it's like ppl are against them in name only....#but you're also supposed to think that Nothing is different abt your situation than anyone else's & they just Acted Right through it#anyways. baseball metaphor re the rules you're supposed to learn lol...#hugely popular recess game that i tried to join in Once & nobody ever taught us even when playing it in gym#i'd inferred / observed Some rules but obv messed up quickly enough (made Worse for prior success: being on second lol. (what))#that was around the end of recess luckily ig but i was quite aware of ppl grousing amongst themselves that i'd ruined the game#back to foursquare where we made up rules b/c it's a game lol & having fun#next up: my being the One person in fifth grade who couldn't already ride a bike; also no instruction; also in front of everyone lol#they went off & did other stuff anyways & i Did learn but thx to One gracious peer lending a hint#(that being: it's harder to balance if you Falter in speed. going a bit faster only makes it Easier to maintain balance. it was So True)#having it pointed out by other ppl w/extra zany upbringings like oh i guess our parents didn't like want to know things abt us / talk to us#or ever play w/us much or teach us much? the classic [parent does xyz for you even if you wish they wouldn't & then just starts like slowly#and increasingly resenting that you don't know how to do it yourself already? or in the first place?)#certainly the overlap Between also personal abuse & being nd lmao. i will Never keep that room clean lol....not up to that shit#and ofc every Interpretation of behavior is kneejerk Reality / all that matters; you Are responsible for another / adult person's feelings#And their actions per their feelings. and their feelings abt your feelings abt their actions! just like being autistic in the wild#next up: being queer also lmfao. insert it into this post throughout. if you'd just act right. you can't expect getting to be as much of a#person as me who can make choices / have their autonomy when you're not as normal as me? hello???#parent can't bring themself to directly invoke concepts like Gay or Trans but Can just be like umm what's wrong w/you (rhetorical) >:(
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Sometimes, you’re a comedian with a touring show to promote, so you do an interview with a regional newspaper.
I think that’d be the funniest possible time to reveal a big scoop, wouldn’t it?
Stewart Lee is currently touring, and to promote his Yeovil performance, gave an interview to Blackmore Vale Magazine. According to Wikipedia, the Blackmore Vale is an area of north Dorset, south Somerset and southwest Wiltshire. According to the comedian Jake Baker, the magazine would cover his school sports day as he grew up in Dorset. That’s the level of news you’d expect.
The questions are friendly and easy, from a journalist clearly familiar with Lee’s work and history.
The first question is about the show’s angle. Lee describes the nature of the show, and here’s an excerpt:
So it looks like stand-up, and sounds like stand-up, but it’s actually a kind of character piece about a desperate person who’s frightened and trying to organise the world in a way that puts them in control. And I guess you could argue that’s what a lot of stand-ups are doing anyway. Ricky Gervais to me looks like a very frightened man. He’s frightened of transgender people coming after him, the act is a defensive wall.
Fun! This is a Ricky Gervais hate blog, so it’s nice to see a sudden, unexpected attack in an unrelated promotional interview.
Lee mentions Gervais again in response to question four.
Sometimes I become bitter and think ‘I get all this good press, why can’t I get 10 million quid for a TV special like Ricky Gervais?’ But on the other hand, I wouldn’t want that audience, it wouldn’t allow me to be better.
And then again to question eight, where Lee explains why he spends six months running new shows in the relatively small Leicester Square Theatre (as opposed to arena comics who might do 10 warmup shows followed by 60 tour dates).
You can still run it like a club gig, you can interact with people in real time. Also, you wouldn’t get better at the show because you wouldn’t have done it as many times. You can see this with an act like Gervais. Those shows have not been run in, they’re not fluid, they’re a succession of inflexible statements that would snap like twigs if the pressure of an unforeseen event was applied to them.
The journalist finally addresses this head on. It really is worth reading the entire article - there’s a lot more than I’m quoting, including an interesting story about Sean Lock:
But here are my favourite bits:
[Gervais] still kind of copies me though, which is the weird thing. There’s still a lot of cadences of what I do but they’re used in the service of evil. In Star Wars, he’s Darth Vader and he’s taken the force, which is me, and used it for evil purposes. He was a fanboy, he was actually the booker at University of London and used to book me and Sean Lock all the time. And when he became famous for the Office, he wrote an hour-long act that was so indebted to us it was awkward. [...] If he’d come up through the circuit that would have been rubbed off him because you find your own voice doing club gigs. It took me two years of gigging five nights a week to come through the mesh of things I liked. But he didn’t have that experience in the same way. [...] Funnily enough, in his first show there were bits I’d never recorded that he’d do almost verbatim. He’d clearly remembered them. I went to see him at the Bloomsbury – on his invitation actually – with my then girlfriend and she was very concerned for me. I’d given up at that point due to lack of interest, and she was concerned for what it felt like to see my act being done to hundreds of people, it was quite weird. On the other hand, that sort of did make me think I don’t want it to be consumed into someone else’s vocabulary. And also, I think because he had a residual sense of guilt, he would always credit me in interviews as being an influence – that helped me in 2004 to get the audience back.
This is, to my knowledge, the first time Lee’s ever claimed that Gervais stole his material. He’s certainly talked about Gervais clearly taking influence from him (though in the past, he downplayed this compared to the account given in this interview).
It’s a pretty big thing to accuse a comic of stealing material. That’s a big taboo. I reckon this is partly because Lee wants to discourage fans of Gervais from coming to the show.
Anyway, let’s finish by quoting the end of the interview:
It must be strange to have that level of financial remuneration and those audience figures but not really a single good review. And I expect what that does for you is create a cognitive dissonance where you have to manufacture a worldview by which the whole world is wrong and you’re right. Which can’t necessarily be very good for your mental health, although I expect the money’s nice.
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𝕷𝖊𝖆𝖑 & 𝕯𝖊𝖗𝖓
You mean the world to him, and he wouldn't hesitate in letting the world know.
Characters : Isagi Yoichi
Contains : pro!isagi x childhood best friend!reader, no use of y/n if that helps, accidental/abrupt confession, pining except for you'll love it. No smut here but they're both aged up because that fits the story line. He basically kisses you in a full stadium, yes it's a hard launch fic.
Moodboard : click here
[ best viewed in dark mode ]
Silent anticipation buzzed through the loud cheers as you take your seat in the VIP stands, fingers fidgeting in your lap. You inhale deeply, eyes following him without a break as the whistle blows - marking the start of one of the most important match you know that he'll ever play.
"Next match is the final." Your soft words echoed in the peacefully flowing air, fingers interlaced with his as you both walked back after his practice. The warm golden glow of the setting sun casting a shadow behind you.
"Yeah. It is." He replied softly, trying not to disturb the peace that your presence always bought him.
You hum softly, eyes staring at a distance as you smile softly. "You'll win." You say as a matter of fact. So much that it takes even him aback.
He chuckls softly, but of course he understands that feeling. He'd have said the same if he was in your place. "You have so much confidence in me huh?" His words dissipate in the air leaving behind an essence of gratitude, a smile playing at his lips as his thumb brush across your knuckles.
You shake your head, finally turning to him. "I have a feeling. A premonition."
You tried telling yourself it was fine every time something went down in the match, but even so you couldn't really help the way your heart would sink. It wasn't rational at all, and that's annoying but heart wants what it wants. Isn't it?
"Me?" You tilt your head, blinking as you look away. "I've been in love for years."
His heart skipped not one but a few beats. A few too many. A weird sense of relief but disappointment taking over him. "Years?" he repeated quietly, trying to process the information, wondering who it was you had been pining for all this time.
"But we're both young, so I'm waiting. Waiting till he and I are both successful and stable enough in our careers." You justify, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to take apart time when he's a part of something as time taking as blue lock. Not that you mind. You can wait for him your whole life, what's a few years anyways? It's almost selfish in a way. Scary even, because what if he doesn't feel the same? He's the one for you, but are you the one for him?
Jealousy bubbled up in his chest as his fingers squeezed your skin. It was something he did that he didn't even realise, but you did. Of course you did. You always did.
He tried to push those feelings aside and feigned indifference, even though his heart was racing. "I see...and who's the lucky guy?"
"I can't tell you now." Your calm voice echoes in his anxious curiosity, piercing a hot burning hopelessness through it.
His skin crawls in frustration. "There's no way he's good enough for her." He thinks silently but doesn't dare utter a word about it.
"Why not? Afraid i'll judge him or something?"
"No. I know you won't." You say easily, with lot of trust and self belief, "It's just not the right time."
Your unwavering trust in him makes his heart squeeze in his chest, eyes scanning your expression for any signs of deception, but you'd always been a honest person, hadn't you?
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But you'll tell me one day, right?"
You hum and smile softly, "Of course." Voice settling on oblivious ears.
Who will tell him it's him that you've been in love with?
He squeezed your hand lightly, a small comfort gesture. Was he trying to comfort himself or you, he didn't know. He tried to push down the feeling of jealousy that still lingered in his chest and feigned a smile back at you.
"I'll hold you to that."
The crowd roars and the final whistle blows as the ball rolls down the net and within few seconds he had Hiori and others tackling him down.
He had won.
They had won.
Japan had won the WORLD CUP.
Yet. Yet all he could think of was you. Your words ringing in his ears, and this was not the first time that happened this evening.
"But we're both young, so I'm waiting. Waiting till he and I are both successful and stable enough in our careers."
He parts from his teammates, eyes scanning intently through the crowd at the VIP stands, craving to be met with yours. Not only was he a pro player now but also a world champion.
"...successful and stable enough in our careers..."
The wait was over. You already had a high paying job and your career was blooming, now he had caught up too. If you were to confess, this would be the moment right?
No.
Scratch that. He has had enough of that.
The moment you're in front of him HE will lay out his heart clear and bare for you to take care of. And if you happen to step on it he'd swallow that pill with a smile too, it's better than this untold distance between you both anyways.
"Yoichi?"
"Yeah?" Your eyes pierce through him when he looks at you, as if you were calculating every of his reaction. Not that he minds, you were like this some times.
"Am I being stupid?"
He frowns, "What? No, of course not. Why would you think that? What happened?"
You hum looking away, "You know....he doesn't know someone's been in love with him for YEARS now. But I'm here, hoping he won't go find any other girl..." You look down, a hint of hurt in your expression as you sigh, "...but how is he ever supposed to know? Am I stupid for hoping so much?"
He felt a pang in his chest as he saw the hurt expression on your face. One thing he just can't tolerate is seeing you sad or hurt. It's as if his system just has a resistance to it. His hand find it's place on your shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, "No, you're not stupid." He said firmly. And even if it is stupid - damn it, he wants someone to love him like that. Such deep faith in destinies. It makes him look at the flowers of trust you have made to bloom in your heart and mind with awe. Love is the most beautiful yet the most delicate flower isn't it?
You are such a passionate lover, it's beautiful but oh does it hurt so much to think it might not be him that your heart aches for.
Your eyes widen slightly as you turn to him almost immediately, his words catching your attention. No. You don't trust him with this one. He's just saying that to make you better isn't he?
"Why not?"
He looked back at you, his gaze intense and sincere. "Because it takes courage to keep silent while carrying feelings this significant." He paused, trying to find the right words to express himself. Trying his best to not let the fear of the man you love so dearly not being him slip into his words. "You've been quietly waiting. Patiently hoping. That's not stupid. It's actually quite brave." He'd know afterall. He'd know better than anyone else.
He's been doing the same thing afterall.
Your expression softens, "Am I doing the right thing?"
Was he?
He squeezes your shoulders again, "Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't always easy. Sometimes it requires patience. And belief." he paused again, his voice softening slightly.
"Sometimes it requires just... faith." He breathes in, eyes closed as he takes in the fragrance of your trust flowers, imagining himself to be standing in the garden of your love. It's so beautiful that it almost makes him forget his fear, just like when you're in love. When you're in love all you care about is how your heart beats slightly more happily at the sight of them. When you're in love you don't care about being rejected and forgotten. When you're in love, all your focus goes into being in love. Maybe he's in love with the way you love, "Faith that your feelings will be returned one day."
You smile and look away, almost longingly "I've been loving him for so long. I think I'd be shattered if it's NOT reciprocated." You chuckle bitterly, your nightmares visibly slipping in your words. You don't know how he's so firm in his words... but they're somehow consoling. As if he's been through the same...but you were quick to push that doubt aside.
"That's the risk we take when we love someone, isn't it? We open ourselves up to the possibility of heartbreak." he paused for a moment, his grip on your shoulder unconsciously tightening. "But... don't you think it's worth the risk?"
You close yourself to pain, you close yourself to joy afterall. You were his joy and you were his pain. A pain he'd happily sink himself in.
His mind reels back to your smile, the shine in your eyes, the way your voice sounds, the way your encouraging words echo in his head in the silence and loneliness of the night sometimes, helping him walk down to embrace of sleep, the way you hold him, the way you trust him, the way you console him...it's all so worth it. More than worth it, and he doesn't doubt that atleast.
And you don't do either judging by the way you answer in a beat, "Oh. He's worth EVERYTHING."
He almost smiles but jealously was quick to spread it's thorns and constrict his heart. He was jealous that HE might not be the one you loved so deeply. He smiled, trying to hide the hint of envy in his eyes. "Looks like you've really fallen hard for this guy."
"Could be you." You glance at him, eyes gleaming playfully, a grin playing at your lips. Fuck. The words were out before you could control them. Shit. Why did you do that? To see his reaction? To keep the scope open, to let him know it could be him? Well, you did see doubt in his eyes just now but that's stupid. Who else would be the one for you? He had always been your type.
Always.
Your words strike through his chest, spreading like cold ice through his whole body, mind racing a thousand miles an hour. He blinked a few times, trying to process what you had just said as his heart danced in his chest at the hope budding through his skin and bones like flowers.
It could be him.
He swallowed, trying to calm his racing heart. He had to remain composed and nonchalant, like he had been doing the whole conversation. He gave a light shrug, trying to hide the mixture of hope and fear in his eyes as he spoke.
"Yeah, could be."
He frowns, scanning the crowd again. He knew you were here, you wished all the boys well before the match. Then why can't he find you? He looks down at his hand, warmth enveloping his skin at the memory of your touch, your voice echoing in his ears again.
"Don't worry. Champions always win." He sighs, running the same hand through his hairs. You looked so assured, so sure just 2 hours ago, then where were you when he wanted to celebrate his biggest success with you? To have you in his arms? You weren't about to become his shadow now that he's in the face of glory after you've been his shield, standing firm in a protective stance through all his downs for so long were you? But before he could drown any further in the sea of questions and helpless uncertainty he feels a tap on his shoulder and the sight that adorns his eyes when he turns around makes his breathe hitch.
You stood there panting, eyes shining the brightest he had even seen, face lit up with emotions making you look arguably the most gorgeous you'd ever been. Or maybe because he thinks so due to the bright glint of pride in your eyes. No. But that's not the only emotions dancing over your features right now. Determination, hope, anticipation, pride and happiness. He can see all of that. Joy, euphoria, ecstasy.
The moment he turns to you, you instantly throw your arms around him, taking him in a strong, soul crushing hug. The force and speed even taking him aback, causing him to stumble backwards, but he recovers quick enough.
You didn't care that he was all sweaty. You just were so SO happy. It's debatable, you were probably happier than him. You could technically feel happy hormones gushing through your veins. You didn't care if the cameras were on you both. All you cared about was that he had won.
"Have you ever been in love?"
"Uh well..." Your abrupt question makes his heart skip a beat. He hadn't expected you to ask him that all of a sudden, but then again, you always had a way of surprising him. Didn't you?
"Yeah. I have been."
You smile, a somber twinkle in your eyes, "What does it feel like?"
Your question was enough to hit him with a wave of strong emotions. He took a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. "It's... intense. Like, really intense. Your heart starts racing anytime you're around that person but it's somehow very comforting. Your mind always drifts off to them, no matter what you're doing." He paused, trying to articulate his feelings. "And you just... feel this overwhelming need to be close to that person. All the time. Because...it feels...warm. And they just make you happy."
"Right?" Your smile tilts with your head, "Their presence is just so comforting."
He couldn't help but agree. your words hit uncomfortably close to home. "Yeah...Their presence. It just... feels like home." He could feel longingness gush through his veins as he thinks back to everytime his eyes would automatically search for you in a room full of people. Your eyes a glowing warmth and your smile a sense of security. As if everything would be fine if you were happy and smiling. Maybe the thing he loved the most about you was how absolutely breathtaking you looked everytime your smile reached your eyes, sparking them up with a twinkle.
"You're smiling." You muse playfully, the same smiling he was thinking about playing at your lips when he looks up at you, slightly taken aback. "Seems like you've fallen pretty hard too huh?"
For some reason, the fact that you might not be the one he loves wasn't as bothering. You were just happy that he was as deeply loving and caring as you thought he'd be.
"Still in love?"
"Yeah... I still am." He paused, looking down for a moment. Silently cursing how his heart would become the quick beats to the melody of your voice everytime you spoke. Your words have had this effect on him for so long he has stopped questioning it at this point.
He wanted to say more, but he was afraid.
Afraid of revealing too much and making a fool of himself. Bringing down the castle of patience you'd both built together. Maybe he WANTED to. He wanted to destroy everything distancing you from him even if it was a beautifully comfortable castle, but he forces a reminder on himself.
"Just a few more days." He thinks silently, promising himself to lay down his whole world at your feet when he wins that final match for you.
He took a deep breath and continued in a low, almost whispered tone.
"In fact... I think I'm even more in love than I was before."
"You did it." You squeeze him tighter as his his hands slide along your waist, his face buried in your hair and mind focused on holding your close and savouring the feeling of your body against his as your smell invades his senses. Yes. This is perfect. "YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT! YOU DID- FUUUCKKK. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU, YO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH."
And the world stops.
He could feel the adrenaline in his blood turn ice cold at that. You....what?
He pulled back slightly, looking down at you with an expression of awe and disbelief. "Did you just say... that you love me?"
You expressions falter slightly, your heart still beating out of your chest. You were in a frenzy - body high on emotions and adrenaline. You could barely think straight, any thoughts of your secret not being reciprocated thrown out of the window. But now that you see surprise etched on his expressions, doubts flood your system again. What if he doesn't...oh no.
"Is it a bad time?"
And before you could process what was happening you felt his lips crash on yours. Your eyes widen and your internal uproar at his touch was instantly mirrored by the crowd. But it barely took a second for the screams and cheers to die away as you found yourself settling into the kiss like the last piece of puzzle, fingers tangling in his hair as you deepen the kiss.
Shivers run up both your spines and sparks fly the moment your lips touch, charging up the air around as he holds you tighter, kissing you with a fierce need. How long had he waited for this? His fingers would probably fail him if he were to count but oh, were you the most gorgeous being he had EVER laid his eyes on. And now you were his.
His lips move against yours with a desperate need to convey and pour out every emotion his heart couldn't hold, because damn well it'd most definitely burst open if he tried keeping all these feelings inside. This is beyond perfect.
This is well beyond perfect.
Your head was swirling. You couldn't believe this was happening. Consequences be fucked. You are about to enjoy this to your whole. Every coherent thought, every worry leaves as you kiss him back equally passionately. He wasn't any better, mind clouded with feeling of your lips against his and you in his arms. His hands come up to cradle the back of your head as yours slide to his chest and nape and he deepened the kiss.
He didn't want it to end, he never wanted it to end. He wanted to stay in this moment forever. But call it the protective instincts, his rational part kicks in reminding him of the cameras that must be on the two of you. He gives you one last slow kiss and you take the hint, pulling away.
He pants, resting his forehead against yours, his chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath. You love him. He loves you. You are his, he is yours. And there's nothing more he'd want. Nothing more. He'll die a happy man if he has you in his arms. That's just how much he'd yearned for you to be officially his. And now you were. He won 2 of the most important things he could have tonight. And right now he, without a doubt, was the HAPPIEST man on earth right now.
You gasp for breathe, eyes still closed as you try and process everything. The way he holds you. The way he touches you. The fact that he was talking about you when he said he was in love. The whole world was watching you both. Fuck. AND he had won the World Cup. So much to process. So much. You almost felt dizzy, his protective embrace around you being the only thing which kept you grounded for now.
Speechless. You were speechless. You didn't know what to say. There was so much to say yet nothing good enough. So you keep your eyes closed, savoring the moment.
"I love you, yoichi."
He smiles softly, hands reaching up to caress your cheek, his thumb tracing over your skin.
"I love you too. so much it hurts."
a/n : Hello lovely peoples. This is the first time I ever spent so much energy and effort in formatting a fic and making it look pretty. Am I down bad for him or am I down bad for him? Haters say I'm downbad for him, don't listen to them. I'm COMPLETELY normal about him. Yep.
I know hard launch is usually not the most realistic scenario with professional players, but a girl is allowed to dream 😔🎀
And if you see me screaming in the reblogs of my own fic....no you don't. <3
Tagging @zendersenders @sharkissm @thebestsetter @plsmarrymehioriyo because GASP can you believe it? I actually wrote i screamed about. Crazy.
[ dividers from cafekitsune ]
#blue lock#isagi yoichi#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#isagi x reader#isagi fluff#isagi yoichi x reader#isagi x you#isagi yoichi fluff#isagi yoichi x you#Masterlist#Fic : isagi yoichi#yoichi isagi#bllk isagi#blue lock isagi#blue lock imagines#blue lock fluff
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Enchanted to meet you | CL16
part 1 , part 2
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x singer!reader
Summary: cheating in never a option it's a choice, a choice that he made while she loved him with her whole heart but you know there's nothing that she do better than revenge.
Genre: SMAU
warnings: google translated french, grammar mistakes, incorrect time line to match the story line, A LOT of charles slandering (I'm sorry my love)
Author's note: important! this is not any kind hate towards alexandra she's a beautiful woman from inside and outside this is all fiction and if I see ANY hate toward her in comments you'll be blocked...and also this fic is slandering our it boy as well, so don't attack me for that because I love that guy sm, my username and profile should explain a lot, that's it hope you y'all like it 🫶🏻
fc: Gracie Abrams
celebnews
liked by username, username, username and 46,29,38 others
celebnews do you believe in fairytale? Well...no not anymore, the popular singer and songwriter Y/n L/n and formula 1 driver Charles Leclerc recently made their relationship public, they were also given the nickname called "the it couple" everything seemed perfect and fairytale and rainbows until few days ago Charles was spotted with a girl on his yatch which sources says is an arts student named Alexandra saint melux and the duo looked pretty comfortable around eachother, or more than comfortable meanwhile y/n was in new york for her work, thoughts on this?
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username say sike rn.
username THE AUDACITY OF SOME MEN
username literally not even a proper month.
username all these while she was working her ass off??
⤷username yup...she was in nyc.
username cheating is never a option, it's a choice.
username men really can't handle a successful women now can they?
⤷username not all men.
⤷username yup, but somehow always men.
username If I had a nickel for every time charles leclerc cheated on his girlfriend with her friend, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.
⤷username FRIEND?? Y/N AND ALEXANDRA WERE FRIENDS??!!
⤷username apparently yeah, that's how Charles and Alex met in first place?
⤷username yup, y/n and Alex we're friends and when y/n started dating Charles, she moved to monaco and I guess there she met alex in a art show or something and then they both become really good friends and y/n, charles and Alex all three of them used to hangout together, there are many pictures
⤷username how did I not know this?
⤷username because it was not much of a big deal, we all thought they're all just friends hanging out together.
⤷username that's honestly so fucked up.
username once a cheater always a cheater.
yourinstagram added to story
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sabrinacarpenter babe this is not you.
conangray I'm coming over rn.
username babe nooooo!!
username charles marc herve perceval leclerc count your days.
oliviarodrigo pick up my call.
iMessage
instagram
yourinstagram
liked by carlossainz55, rubendias, sabrinacarpenter and 39,739,828 others
yourinstagram I would rather spend my time a honest whore rather than a dishonest lover. (ps: that wasn't me on my story, i don't cry over disappointments 🥰)
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sabrinacarpenter honest whore are so much cooler too.
⤷yourinstagram exactly.
landonorris thanks for that ps i was actually quite concerned
⤷yourinstagram nah don't worry Lan.
⤷username "lan" Charles could never ruin their friendship.
⤷username don't mention his name here.
conangray men are for ruining your lipstick not your mascara.
⤷username tell em conan!
rubendias he's not worth your tears anyway 💙
⤷yourinstagram thanks ruby, I miss you sm.
⤷rubendias booking flight rn.
⤷username mom and dad finally reuniting 😭
⤷username I'm new to all of this can any of you explain how ruben and y/n know eachother??!! I'm a massive city and y/n fan and i didn't knew that they were bestfriends??!!
⤷username for 4 years actually, they met in 2019 when ruben was at Benfica B, as much i can remember y/n was in protugal for her very first tour and I think ruben attended that concert and then y/n attended his match and both of them become friends and then they got super close and then after ruben moved to manchester city, y/n started to attend his matches more often and slowly they became bestfriends.
⤷username that is actually so cute 😭😭💙💙
oliviarodrigo what a beauty.
⤷yourinstagram oli you're the best 💜
username bro actually fumbled SO bad
carlossainz55 reina ❤️ (queen)
⤷yourinstagram muchos gracias carlitos ❤️ (thank you so much carlitos)
⤷username and i oop-
⤷username i love how the entire grid is on her side.
⤷username as they should.
⤷username I'm not shipping but it would be so iconic if her and carlos started dating
⤷username dts be like: where do I sign?
⤷username no but actually netflix is not gonna let this drama slide.
lilymhe beautiful, gorgeous, cutest, attractive, adorable, charming ,dainty, delightful ,pleasant, pretty
⤷yourinstagram LILYYY!!! ILOVEYOU!
⤷lilymhe I love you toooooo!!!!
⤷yourinstagram we should definitely go out!
⤷lilymhe yesyesyesyesyes!!!
⤷alex_albon can I join? Please?
⤷lilymhe nah it's a girl dinner.
⤷francisca.cgomes I'm joining you all.
⤷pierregasly pleaaaseeee!!!!
⤷francisca.cgomes no.
⤷sabrinacarpenter got room for one???
⤷oliviarodrigo two**??
⤷yourinstagram yesyesyesyes
⤷username I'm begging on my knees, let me in please
⤷username this group is gonna be SOO iconic.
lewishamilton you deserve someone million times better.
⤷yourinstagram thank you lew 🥹🫶🏻
⤷username MY KING.
⤷username nah that guy literally messed up big time.
szoboszlaidominik gyönyörű lány 🩷 (beautiful girl)
⤷yourinstagram thanks domi 🫶🏻🫶🏻
⤷username my girl is literally collecting every hot guys.
⤷username post breakup y/n is gonna be soo iconic.
username mother.
yourinstagram
liked by rubendias, lilymhe, szoboszlaidominik and 48,938,940, others
yourinstagram girls dinner ft. some stupid boys🥂 (they begged us to come)
tagged; sabrinacarpenter, oliviarodrigo, lilymhe, alex_albon, pierre_gasly, francisca.cgomes, rubendias, carlossainz55, landonorris, szoboszlaidominik
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oliviarodrigo your sports friends are cool i guess, but their girl's are cooler
⤷lilymhe you and Sab are super cool as well! It was awesome meeting you guys.
⤷sabrinacarpenter the pleasure was all mine ✨
rubendias finally! reunited and happy!
⤷yourinstagram reUNITED and happy 👀?? Nah buddy I don't think so
⤷szoboszlaidominik lmao 💀.
carlossainz55 I INFACT DID NOT BEGGED YOU! you told ME to tag along.
⤷yourinstagram AND you didn't wanted to????
⤷carlossainz55 I'm not saying that....
⤷username and i oop-
⤷username if i speak now.
⤷username shhhh
francisca_cgomes could've been better without those idiots tbf.
⤷yourinstagram ikr
⤷pierregasly WOW you're literally MY girlfriend
⤷francisca_cgomes says who?
⤷username lmfaoo iconic iconic iconic.
landonorris your footballer friends are amazing ngl.
⤷rubendias i have a name.
⤷szoboszlaidominik me too.
⤷landonorris my bad g.
⤷username fuck everything DOMINIK AND RUBEN interaction is what I'm living for.
lilymhe you're so beautiful marry me please
⤷yourinstagram yes yes yes!!!!
⤷alex_albon yeah.....no.
⤷lilymhe who are you?
⤷username I'm loving this wayyy toooo much
maxverstappen1 where was my invitation????
⤷yourinstagram sorry maximus, it was like a last minute plan
⤷username maximusss 😭😭
username literally the entire grid and their girlfriends are on y/n' side
⤷username as they should.
username even max is team y/n, my guy just can't stop taking W.
username this is the defination of iconic.
username dts gonna be so fun.
username can't wait for next gp.
celebnews
liked by username, username, username and 386,892 others
celebnews when at some point we all thought Charles Leclerc was regretting his decision or mistake, he infact was not, yesterday charles leclerc and probably his new girl alexandra saint mleux was seen leaving a fancy restaurant in Monaco, few fans said that the 'couple' seemed very happy and after that they both left to charles appartment in his custom pista, that's a very shameless behaviour. thoughts?
view comments
username this guy have 0 shame
username disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
username tbh we don't care, y/n is living her life with her friends and his teammate lmao.
⤷username ikr like no one even cares about this guy 💀.
username bro realised he fumbled hard and have 0 chances of a second chance so bro settled down.
⤷username real
username we do not care, y/n got multiple guys who would treat her way better than this sore loser.
⤷username yeah?? like who? no offense but Charles better than all of "her guys"
⤷username yeah not really, Carlos his teammate certainly beat him this season, Lando his rival out performed him as well despite being in McLaren, Ruben and Dominik actually good at what they do, so I can assure she got a lot of guys who is better than him and imagine defending a cheater who shamelessly admits it and literally start hanging out with his side chick.💀💀
⤷username ate her up lmao
rubendias who?
⤷username KINGGGGG
⤷username defending his girl on and off pitch.
⤷username rubennnnnn
username bro's smashing (in walls)
⤷username lmfaaaoooo
username can't spell charles leclerc without L, L and L.
charles_leclerc
liked by alexandrasaintmleux , joris_trouch and 38,395,689 others
charles_leclerc there's a thing called privacy.
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lilymhe there's also a thing called loyalty.
⤷username queen ate him up.
⤷username the L in lily stands for legendary.
⤷username y/n's no.1 defender.
⤷username i love this woman sm 😭
username yeah you wish it was because if it wasn't then you'll never be caught cheating.
carlossainz55 lmao.
⤷username ohhhh hell yeah vegas is gonna be verrryyyyy interesting
⤷username see not trying to be weird and all but I ⛴️.
⤷username ⛴️🛳️🚢
⤷username guyssss.....what if....
⤷username yes!.
⤷username damn...i kinda wanted her to get with ruben but carlos would work too....
⤷username OHHH DTS WHERE ARE YOU NOW??!!
username face of a cheater
username imagine crashing every race and then having the audacity to cheat on a successful woman who's actually good at what she does, lmfao.
⤷username bro FUMBLED HARD.
username ew.
username y/n should make a song about this cheating ahh loser.
liked by landonorris
⤷username landooooo????!!!
⤷username Lando what do you know???
maxverstappen1 atleast be honest with yourself.
⤷username EVEN MAX LMFAAOOO
⤷username if i was charles leclerc I would've locked myself in my house.
username bro fucked up very badly.
username bro have balls of steel to come on internet and post this.
username no offense but this twig cheated on my girl???
⤷username ik sweetie ik, a strange world we live in.
username oh the music is coming y'all, I can feel it.
yourinstagram
liked by carlossainz55, rubendias, sabrinacarpenter and 39,838,973 others
yourinstagram welllll you guys called it, new one coming...soon 👀.
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sabrinacarpenter ohhhhhhh myyyy goooooddd!!!!
⤷username my exact reaction.
⤷username sab is one of us.
⤷username supportive queen.
oliviarodrigo a hint? Is it sad or a absolute menace???
⤷yourinstagram guess we'll find out soon.
⤷username I'm really craving sad tbh....
⤷username oh she would destroy him in sad genre.
carlossainz55 can I say that I was the first person to hear that masterpiece??
⤷yourinstagram no
⤷carlossainz55 okay (I was)
⤷username ahm ahm...
⤷rubendias excuse me?!!
⤷username so we all know it's gonna be a masterpiece.
⤷username well it always is, every music she makes is a work of art.
rubendias still hurted by the fact that carlos heard it before me but okay I can't wait to enjoy it with the whole world.
⤷yourinstagram sorry rubs but he wouldn't leave me alone!
⤷carlossainz55 ACCUSATIONS!
⤷username so we can all feel it no?
⤷username shhh don't jinx it
szoboszlaidominik can't wait for it gyönyörű (beautiful)
⤷yourinstagram thank you domi!!
username SCREAMING CRYING
username finally!!!!! I've waited months for a song from mother.
username mother mother???!!!!
⤷username that's a band.
⤷username girl-
username i can't wait for it.
username song of the year.
⤷username it's not even released yet??!!
⤷username OK, and??
username oh my god I used to pray for times like this.
username finally the queen is back. (She never left)
username oh how I love being a y/n stan.
username finally!!!
╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾╾
ps: I finally did it! Thank you soooo much for waiting! And yes there will be part 4 AND once again this is no hate to charles or alexandra this is all just fiction so take it lightly, thank you 🫶🏻
#formula 1#charles leclerc#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc smau#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc social media au#f1 driver x reader#formula 1 x reader#f1 fic#f1 driver x you#carlos sainz#dominik szoboszlai#ruben dias
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looks can be deceiving II a.russo x reader
you all asked, here's the answer. secretly soft biker gf (au) lessi looks can be decieving II a.russo x reader
"so where's your guard dog today then?" you playfully shoved your best friend with a roll of your eyes at the question as the two of you walked across campus toward the parking lot.
"at work i think, she was gone by the time i woke up." you shrugged, not having spoken very much to your girlfriend given she was far from the worlds best texter and you'd been in exams all day.
"and you're fine with just assuming that? you don't feel the need to like check in?" your best friend asked in disbelief. "well yeah? she told me she was working today, i believe her. it's called trust, maybe you've heard of it!" you teased, smacking her arm.
"i guess she doesn't really have any friends she could be hanging round with anyway." you pinched her for the comment as the girl whined and pushed you away. "don't be rude!" you warned seriously, not accepting anyone speaking badly of your girlfriend, even your best friend.
"i still can't believe you're with her." the girl beside you shook her head as you sent her a look. "and what's that supposed to mean?" you challenged, stopping in front of her with your arms crossed. "she's so...rough?" your best friend analysed with a grimace, unable to really find the words to describe the girl you were so head over heels for.
"you're judging her without knowing her, again." you sighed, the two of you resuming your walking, having just finished your final exam for the day. "because you won't let me meet her properly! you've been seeing her for like four months and i think i've heard her say about ten words?" your best friend chastised.
"she's just independent. and every time i invite you to hang out with us you get all weird about it and make her uncomfortable!" you warned, having admittedly been trying to get the two women to spend some time together with you but so far you'd had no success at all.
"i make her uncomfortable?? she makes me uncomfortable she looks at me like she wants to stab me!" your best friend huffed. "no she doesn't, she's really sweet. plus she treats me well and makes me very happy, isn't that enough for you as my best and most loyal friend?" you gave the girl beside you puppy dog eyes who groaned and pushed your head away.
"didn't she eat the head off a bat once for a dare?" the brunette beside you asked with a grimace, you scoffed at the question. though before you could answer a new voice rang out behind you.
"yeah, was a bit crunchy though. you want me to get you one to try?" you spun around at the familiar accent, your whole face lighting up at the sight of your girlfriend. "lessi!" you beamed, jumping on her as the taller girl easily caught you in her arms.
"alessia." your best friend deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest as the soft smile which made its way to your girlfriends lips at the sight of you quickly melted away and she placed you back down on your feet.
"layla." the girl replied in the same curt tone, wrapping her arms around you possessively from behind. "well this has been rivoting. get home safe with your personal grease monkey babe, call me later." your best friend smiled at you as alessia sent her a glare over the top of your head.
"i thought you had work baby?" you turned around in her hold, wrapping your arms around her neck and leaning up on your tippy toes to peck her lips. "mm i left early, perks of being the bosses daughter." alessia grinned, pecking your lips back a few times before attacking your face with kisses making you laugh.
"why? i thought you were doing that vintage chief you can't seem to stop talking about." you asked curiously, your girlfriend beaming with pride that you remembered.
"gio was getting on my last fucking nerve with it today. i had to start over twice because he kept sticking his fingers in thinking he knows better than i do, and then something falls off or apart and i'm back to square one." your girlfriend puffed air out of her nose with an annoyed grunt.
"m'sorry baby. but your dad knows you're the best though, why do you think he trusts you with all of the older engines that are more fragile? nobody can love them, care for them and bring them back to life like you can lessi baby." you reminded her softly, smiling as she pressed her face into your shoulder, likely to hide the blush you knew would be creeping down her neck at the praise.
"i hope you didn't bring your bike though. i am not getting on that death trap i already told you." you warned making the older girl roll her eyes and mock you under her breath.
"you're getting on it one day even if i have to tie you to the damn seat. but no, i have the car." alessia sighed dramatically, pulling away to take your hand as the two of you continued across the parking lot.
"god you look good in your uniform." you commented with a grin, eyes shamelessly roaming the grease stained coveralls clinging to her body, the girl working most days in her dads auto body garage working on what was her second love next to you, her beloved vintage motorcyles.
"little perv." alessia rolled her eyes and shoved your head playfully but your grin widened seeing the slight blush which coated her cheeks, as they did anytime you gave her even the slightest hint of a compliment. "after you." she was quick to open the passenger door for you, stealing a kiss as you slid in.
"such a gentlewoman." "only the very best for you baby girl."
~
"those are for you." your girlfriend nodded to a bunch of flowers sitting on her desk as she let the two of you into her apartment, closing the door and sitting down to take off her boots. "oh lessi." you melted, lips curling into an adoring smile.
"they're beautiful." you sent her a grateful look over your shoulder, moving to find something to put them in given you planned to spend the weekend here, and probably most of next week.
you had your own place, a sharehouse with two roommates, but if you were honest you stayed nights here much more than there, and that was just as alessia wanted it anyway.
her apartment was quintessentially just so her. the dark toned wood furniture, the worn in brown leather sofa draped in throw cushions and blankets that you knew she only bought once the two of you started dating to make it seem a little more 'homey'.
the olive green accents in her minimal decor choices which popped against the numerous amounts of house plants scattered around, the girl shockingly had a fantastic green thumb. then there was the countless amounts of books lining her walls, almost all classics like emily dickinson, bronte and sylvia plath.
then of course there was her baby.
the restored 1941 harley davidson which sat right in the middle of the apartment in place of a dining table, an odd sight to most but it was just so incredibly alessia for her to have it there you'd never minded.
her apartment was her safe space and her haven, littered with trinkets and engine parts and tools, but then there was the typewriter on her desk which sat right by the enormous floor to wall window which let in the most glorious sunlight in the early mornings and late evenings, the vintage cameras and the polaroids of you stuck to her fridge.
it was hers, and you felt privileged that she let you in to become a part of it.
"you're beautiful." suddenly you were turned around as you rummaged through her cupboards trying to find something to use as a makeshift vase, your body pinned to the counter as the taller girl loomed over you with a soft smile.
your hands reached up to tug her hair out which was half up in a bun, a dirty mix of black, brunette and blonde waves falling to frame her face as you tangled your fingers in the soft locks.
"you've done so well with your exams gorgeous. i'm really really proud of you, my smart intelligent wonderful girl." alessia praised with a soft smile, tenderly pulling you into a kiss as her mouth slotted perfectly with yours, her hands gently caressing your sides.
your head swam at the feeling of her kissing you. sometimes she could be rough and posessive and needy with the way she attacked your lips, but most times, like right now, she was soft and slow and tender, taking her time with you to show you how much each kiss really meant to her.
this was the alessia you fell head over heels for. the soft spoken, severely misunderstood sweetheart who wrote you poems and bought you flowers just because, who laid with her legs tangled with yours in the sunshine pouring in from her windows and read to you for hours with a voice like honey.
the girl who touched you so carefully and so lovingly as if you were made of glass and might break if she wasn't gentle enough. who taught you how to make homemade pasta and loved nothing more than to lay down with her head in your lap while you played with her hair, allowing her to let down the walls that she had built up and fortified around anyone else that wasn't you.
not the big tough tattooed biker girl with a smart mouth and a bad attitude who dropped out of school to fix engines, ride her harley and flit from party to party, never caught without a cigarette behind her ear, cocky smirk and a leather jacket on her shoulders.
granted though she was the biggest teddy bear most of the time, she did have her moments where she might live up a little more to her reputation.
if she'd had a bad day at work, maybe argued with one of her brothers over a part that was supposed to be ordered which never came which pushed back the whole job and she'd gotten the blame, then she had no issues treating you a little rougher, using you as a stress reliever in the most sinful ways for hours on end.
but then right after the walls would come crashing down again and she was back to kissing you like you could crumble at a moments notice, crawling into your arms seeking comfort and constant praise about how good she did, how much you loved her, how much you needed her and appreciated her.
"i'm gonna go take a shower." the girl hummed against your lips, pulling away and softly kissing your forehead, pushing her body off of yours. "yeah good, you smell." you teased, kicking her bum as she turned around, pulling yourself up onto the counter.
"you're lucky you're cute." alessia warned, smile tugging at her lips. "get your study in for awhile baby, i'm gonna wash my hair. and when i get back i get your full attention." the taller girl frowned with a slight pout which made you melt.
"someone's needy." you pouted back mockingly as she returned between your legs. "yeah and so what? i've missed you, been on my mind all day pretty girl." alessia confessed pressing her forehead against yours, pout deepening. "you're adorable." you grinned and booped her nose which scrunched up at the simple touch.
"tell anyone and i'll have to kill you." alessia warned, forming a gun with her fingers and pressing it to the side of your head, making a shooting noise with her mouth as she pulled the trigger, her forehead still pressed to yours.
the playful side she let out around you made you swoon, she wasn't like this even around her family and it brought you a sense of pride that you created a space where she was comfortable to be whoever she wanted.
"go study, book worm." with that she pulled away, blowing out and holstering her finger gun with a wink and retreating away.
"i'll say it again, god you look good in those dirty coveralls." you wolf whistled after her, throwing your head back with a laugh as she shook her bum at you with another wink before kicking her bathroom door closed with her foot.
~
"baaaby!" you heard your girlfriend yell out from her bedroom, glancing up from your textbook at the sudden noise. "yeah love?" you called back, scribbling down your notes as your glasses slid down your nose a little.
"can you come dry my hair for me, please?" you heard the hopeful tone in her voice and chuckled, flipping closed your textbook and standing up from her desk, padding over to her bedroom.
"thank you, i like it better when you do it." alessia admitted, stood in front of you with damp hair hanging down her back, her taller form clad only in a huge harley davidson shirt which hung down to her knees, heavily tattooed limbs on full display.
you perched yourself on the end of her bed as alessia settled down on the floor between your legs, arms resting on your knees as she handed you a brush, her hair dryer already plugged in and waiting beside her.
"have you got anymore booked in?" you asked, gently tracing the small butterfly behind her ear, the most recent in her ever growing collection of body art. "mm not yet, might finish off my moth first." she tapped to the half completed insect on her left knee.
"i wish you'd never bought that stupid gun." you mumbled disapprovingly as you brushed out the knots and tangles in her damp hair. "hey i'm getting really good now! you even said so the other day." her head craned back to look up at you, puckering her lips expectantly as you bent down to kiss her.
"that was before i looked up how common blood infections are with home done tattoos." you tutted as she faced forward again and you resumed your brushing. "i told you to stop googling anything that pops up in your mind babe, you're already a hypochondriac." the older girl chuckled, whining softly as you yanked on her hair for the comment.
"so no chance you'll let me give you one? so much clean skin to work with." alessia sighed longingly, tattooed hands squeezing your bare legs making you roll your eyes. "you've a better chance of getting me on that death trap of a bike." you teased, tapping her shoulders and holding out your hand as she passed you the dryer.
"no! its my time." alessia huffed as you tried to return to her desk once the two of you exited her bedroom, her now dry hair hanging down her back in waves. "baby i just have one more chapter to-" she cut you off with a kiss, closing your textbook and grabbing your hips, and before you knew it you were over her shoulder.
"alessia!" you laughed, reaching down to smack her bum as her shirt rode up. "oo this is new!" you whistled, pulling her shirt up further to reveal the black thong she had on underneath.
"hey you keep those hands to yourself!" the girl retaliating by smacking your own bum with her free hand before she dropped you down on the lounge. "oh wait here." she perked up, rushing off to her bedroom.
"put this on please." she held out a different shirt toward you. "why? i already changed baby." you frowned gesturing to the clothes you'd put on while she was showering. "that's mine, this is yours." your girlfriend replied, shaking the shirt impatiently in your face.
"so?" you pushed, knowing why she wanted you to change but wanting her to say it. "you know why, put it on and don't be a brat about it." alessia huffed with a roll of her eyes. "no, say it. you big ole softy!" you teased, kicking her as alessia dropped the shirt on your head.
"because its my favourite to sleep in and it doesn't smell like you anymore. happy?" the older girl mumbled as you tugged the material off your head with a satisfied grin. "very much so." you quickly changed, your girlfriend tossing the other shirt over her shoulder without a care making you roll your eyes.
"assume the position!" she shooed at you impatiently as you grabbed the tv remote, shuffling down to the end of the sofa with a smile, your girlfriend laying down with her head in your lap, her heavily tattooed legs occupying the rest of the sofa as her feet hung off the edge, which of course were clad in a pair of fuzzy black socks.
"what do you want to watch baby?" you asked pressing a kiss to her warm forehead, clicking into her netflix as your girlfriend shrugged. "anything you want gorgeous."
you browsed for a moment, alessia sighing loudly a few times to show she was becoming annoyed at the lack of attention you were showing her. pecking her lips a few times to hold her off you clicked into the proposal and placed the remote back down on the coffee table.
your girlfriend impatiently grabbed your hands and threaded them through her freshly washed hair making you chuckle. "are you going to sleep?" you laughed as you started to scratch at her scalp, watching her bright blue eyes close almost immediately. "no i'm just resting my eyes." the girl mumbled making you shake your head and press another tender kiss to her forehead.
within five minutes her breathing evened out and you glanced down with a soft smile, her ring covered fingers intertwined and resting on her stomach which slowly rose up and down as she slept.
your big scary guard dog girlfriend, the absolute sap she really was.
#alessia russo#alessia russo x reader#engwnt#woso blurbs#woso fanfics#woso imagine#woso x reader#woso
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void success story
This just happened a couple hours ago but I had to write it down now so I don't forget some of the details.
So I did my two day routine from monday to wednesday and I ended up dreaming about having a lucid dream on thursday while I was on the bus to school and I knew that I would have a real lucid dream very soon. Anyways thursday night comes and I'm in a really bad mood because my dad turned off my cell service and i have a bunch of school work + a test so I'm thinking to myself oh shit i have to enter the void state tonight. I go to bed at my usual time and since I've been trying to enter the void though a lucid dream for like 3 months now so I kinda know when my REM cycles occur. Im guessing I was in the 2nd or 3rd REM CYCLE when I had this lucid dream.
I dont remember the details of the dream but I do know something bad happened that would put me in psychical danger and suddenly i think to myself "This is a dream." and I IMMEDIATLEY start affirming for the void state. Now when I first woke up I thought i just had another dream about having a lucid dream but i realized that couldnt be true because I felt my body being lift up. When i felt this happen I managed to affirm "I manifest instantly." and then I felt something weird happen again and I was out of the void state. Now i'm not 100% sure if it worked because IDK how long i was there but I decided to test it out before I went to school and affirmed that my cell service was back on. At first I was frustarted because i thought it didnt work and i didnt get to affirm in the void in time before i left BUT my cell service is back on.
I have to go to class now but ill be back soon guys!!
💋 elle
#loa affirmations#loa tumblr#neville goddard#manifesting#sammy ingram#success stories#loa#edward art#void state#voidstate
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CORRESPONDENCE 1031 – THIRD QUADRANT 6 > NEVADA CENTRAL DISPATCH ~092338 RE: ASSESSMENT REPORT - Officer Yuki de Witt
OFFICER’S NOTES: 3Q6 is one of the more efficient quadrants within the Mining Division. All of Sectors 5 through 9 have consistently run at full or double quota for the last season. CIRCUMSTANTIAL: Successful liaison with 3Q6 Board of Captains (Cpt. SPIEGEL, absent) regarding the sudden death of Unit 23 Cpt. SILTSMEAR from 4Q6. Decision pending. Further info required. INCIDENT REPORT: n/a WORKER MORALE: Moderate
~RESPONSE: Received (211)
DIGGING CORPS - LOG 081/- Hey. I know you’ll never read this, but I guess I don’t need you to. Was only supposed to stay a few days, write up my assessment for Dispatch and then leave, but then one of the captains in a neighboring quadrant fucking died. Nothing nefarious mind you, just dust pneumonia. Certainly, more paperwork than it was worth. Sounds like a lot of weird shit’s been going on over there, so one of the captains went over to assist with the transitional period, and I agreed to stay here at Third Q6 to cover until he could be replaced. That was over a month ago now, and I miss the fucking sun! Never thought I’d say that. Had a few reservations about being stuck underground this long as the only woman for miles in any direction, but so far, apart from the odd leer in the mess hall, I have remained “unharassed”. The worst of it would be one particularly cantankerous geezer called Ira Trask, Foreman of 9C, who insisted on addressing me by my first name until I referred him to the NCD handbook on worksite professionalism, and he relented. I assumed he just wanted to be friendly so I'd help get him promoted, but now I think it was something deeper, more sad and nostalgic. There’s a lock on my door at least, and being exceptionally tall seems to give them second thoughts. But as you’d imagine, height’s not generally an advantage in tight, enclosed spaces with low ceilings. Most shovelmen develop a stooped physique during their time in the corps. Fucked if I’m gonna stay that long.
Yuk
DIGGING CORPS – LOG 94/- Decided if I have to be stuck down here in Satan’s ass crack, twiddling my thumbs, I might as well spend the time processing some individual Worker Profiles. The shovelmen generally alternate between reticent, awkward, sullen or befuddled by the concept of being personally assessed, but if me doing their interview gets them a few minutes to slack off their shifts, they’re happy enough for the distraction. Foreman Trask is displeased by the interruption, but he is welcome to sit on it.
Names seem to be taboo here. I know all the workers’ names of course, because it’s on their file, but that really freaks them out and there’s no point in using them. Share anything of your backstory with your fellow shovelmen, anything that they can tie back to you, and that’s a power they now hold over you. It's like some kind of deep occult shit, but for fucking miners. Everyone gets a new name here, bestowed upon you by your peers. And you only get that so you can tell whose shovel you’re holding.
Met a greenie from Unit 9A named Theodore today. The others call him ‘Mouse’ which he seems to prefer. Whether it’s for his demeanor, his silky brown hair, or, I don’t know, maybe he just likes cheese, he won’t answer to anything else despite having only been here two months. I asked him and a few others what they knew about the late Captain from 4Q6. Common sentiment seems to be that he was mad as a balloon.
Yuk
DIGGING CORPS - LOG 113/- Had a dream about the swing mom never built us. The big tire swing that wasn’t in the apple orchard. I know you don’t remember it, because, well, it never existed, but I feel like I’ve mentioned it before. Anyway, in the dream, I was swinging in the orchard at night time. And the sky was so pitch black, because there weren’t any stars at all. Just a void. Like, the dream was set after the sun had just died, and there was nothing left. Or maybe it wasn’t night. Maybe the orchard was inside a cave. It doesn’t matter. So, the swing was just a regular car tire, but then as I swung higher, I looked down and it was suddenly bigger. Stretching out to the size of a tractor tire. Or something off a monster truck. Then, I swung higher, and the tire grew again, too big for any actual vehicle, and now I could easily fit inside the trough of the tire itself and lie in it like a big hammock. But I couldn’t do that, because the trough was full of apples. Hundreds of these squishy brown apples in various states of decay. And the apples were growing too. Larger and larger, bustling and toppling over each other until they were the size of bowling balls, and then beach balls, and I was sort of half-drowning, half-swimming in these apples. And then I realized. They weren’t growing. I was shrinking. So, I climbed inside of an apple where the pip should be, because I knew deep down that was the logical place to go to die, and then I woke up. I’m pretty sure I know what it means, even if you don’t.
Yuk
DIGGING CORPS – LOG 115/- Random insights gleaned from Unit 9 Review a.k.a. ‘Operation: Peanut Gallery’:
Shovelman ‘Wiles’ - Appears to be the closest thing Sector 9 has to a medic. At least, he says he knows how to saw a man’s leg off without killing him, which is good enough here apparently. I didn’t ask for specifics. There is a constant film of dust covering his glasses, which he seems unaware of.
Shovelman ‘Twoshort’- Tried to convince me it’s common practice for the men to eat handfuls of dirt as a snack, given it’s more nutritious than whatever they were being served in the mess hall. I offered to immediately lodge a formal complaint with Captain Spiegel and the Food Prep team on his behalf, and he backpedaled comically fast, and then tripped on his way out because his foot was asleep.
Shovelman ‘Basher’ – Built like a shuttle truck and functionally deaf after an incident with a stick of dynamite last year. Uses a form of abridged sign language that he and a few others in his unit invented specifically for him. Extremely introverted at first until Wiles came to interpret for me, then he wouldn't shut up.
Shovelman ‘Blessed’ - Recently discovered an injured bat, which he has taken it upon himself to nurse back to health against NCD regulation 58N. He also appears to be deathly allergic to said bat, as his face and hands had swollen incredibly within minutes of handling the thing. A persistent sneezing has overtaken him, but apparently that’s normal and unrelated to the bat. Also allergic to dirt?
Regardless, get me the fuck out of here. Yuk
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i wonder if people actually realize that darling and dexter being twins was a retcon
if it were up to me, they’d have always been presented as twins from the start, because that’s just way better imo, but i’m not CEO of Mattel so it’s NOT up to me and we have this weird inconsistency.
i mean, first of all, the start of the tv series already includes that weird period of time where darling just straight up Does Not Exist because at the end of the day this is just an extended toy commercial and there wasn’t any toy to advertise yet.
when darling WAS, however, introduced into the show, she strangely interacts with DARING more than she ever does dexter, despite her closeness to the latter that’s established as early on as her doll’s diary. my personal guess as to why that is has to do from the show capitalizing heavily on darling’s princess charming gimmick of being a girl who’s a knight, and as a result, benefited from portraying the fact that she and daring are, in a way, foils to each other.
anyway, when darling’s doll released, her bio listed her birthday as November 16th. dexter’s birthday had already been established as the 11th of February, so at this time, darling was not intended to be his twin.
and we can see this further shown by the word choice in darling’s diary. she refers to daring as her “oldest brother” and then goes on to refer to dexter as her “older brother”. which, sure, a twin can be older than the other, but in her doll diary, she’s gonna call him her twin if they want us to know that they’re twins.
i’m not sure exactly when the earliest instance of any official media referring to darling and dexter as twins was, but if my memory serves me correctly, i believe it was a post from the official Facebook that had stated they were twins. again, don’t quote me on that.
this discrepancy is important to me as someone who has to constantly fact check lore and timeline of events, because it very much so impacted Ever After High media released prior to the twin retcon’s ability to hold up. as far as I can remember, a good amount of the books were written under the initial status of darling’s birthday falling on 11/16 rather than 2/11 with dexter, the Susanne Selfors books coming to mind in particular. but i could be wrong, because i’m not going to reread all of those books just for this post.
the updated birthday for darling ended up being the one they stuck with. a brief scroll on the official Ever After High Instagram page will show as much, with birthday posts for dexter & darling on the same day. there is the tidbit of information that dexter is still older by a few seconds (not sure if this was ever officially stated, i’m only going off of the wiki for this one detail), but i honestly think that’s only included as a way to try and rectify the past instances of darling or possibly anyone else referring to dexter as her older brother.
as of today, it seems like everyone understands darling and dexter to be twins, and if they are familiar with the past retcon, they prefer the twin change and are glad it was made. i’ve never witnessed anyone say anything like “ugh, i really wish they wouldn’t have made darling dexter’s twin and kept her younger!!”.
still, it’s interesting that it happened. i call it what it is: a retcon. and most people hear that term and associate it with negativity. which, to be fair, in terms of writing, it more often than not absolutely is. but in this isolated case, despite it making some of the supplementary pieces of media for the series confusing (though the show and books/diaries take place in a different continuity anyway), i see this as a good thing. right off the bat, it makes less sense to me that the Charmings would intentionally go on to have not just one but two other children individually after daring with him being the successful golden child they wanted. it makes more sense that they decided to have one other child just for the hell of it and happened to end up with two.
also, and i don’t have the source for this so i’m just going based off of memory, apparently the grade-level cut off isn’t in the fall in the Ever After High universe, because daring, dexter, and darling are all intended to be in the same grade according to what i believe was one of the writers or producers or something of the sort for the tv show. and i make that conclusion about the cutoff not being in the fall because daring’s birthday is April 2nd, and since he’s older than dexter & darling, they’d have been born in February of the following year, meaning in order for them to be in the same grade together, the grade level cut off couldn’t fall anywhere within the roughly nine months gap between April to the next February. which, if you’ve done the math, you’ll have realized must mean that either the cut off for the next grade either falls sometime late February anywhere after the 11th, is on the 1st of April, or is any day in the month of March.
darling being in the same grade as daring and not a grade (or two) below also makes daring and rosabella work considering that, being her roommate, rosabella would be in whatever grade darling is in, and were she to be anymore than a grade below daring, there’d be a questionable age gap. not to mention with darling herself and apple. jesus. so it’s definitely a positive that’s not the case. and to anyone who may have been confused before, this is also why dexter can room with a character like hunter, because he too is in the same grade.
or maybe this is a show for babies and nothing matters.
#can you tell the extra work i’ve had to put in for the css has got me thinking#because it has#eah#ever after high#darling charming#dexter charming#daring charming#charming siblings#charming twins#rosabella beauty#apple white#hunter huntsman#ramble#info dump
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This is now on Ao3 we well
Shanks has been acting weird ever since he ate that stupid fruit.
"Are you angry with me?" Luffy asks one day when Shanks once again looks at him 'that way' and the stupid, sticky feeling in his chest just won't go away.
The pirate blinks and takes a sip of his beer before he answers. The sticky feeling grows bigger. "How is your picture coming along?"
Luffy scrunches up his nose so his tears won't fall. That's what Makino does when she doesn't want to answer his questions. Ask a question herself so he forgets what he was asking in the first place. But Luffy is smarter now, a big boy, and this is important. He pointedly puts the pencil down and doesn't forget.
"Is Shanks angry with me 'cause I ate the stupid fruit?"
Maybe he wasn't so successful about the tears because Shanks lowers his tankard and he gets this serious look on his face, the one he gets when he tells Luffy that the sea is a dangerous place and that he's not ready yet (he is he is he is).
"No Luffy, I'm not angry." He sighs and seems to look through the little boy for a moment and mumbles under his breath. "A little worried, maybe."
But Luffy has good ears. "Why?"
Shanks jolts as if he didn't expect to have been heard. After a second of indecision he grins and ruffles dark hair. "Worried you are gonna eat the hair off of our heads! Why would you eat a fruit anyway? I thought you only liked meat?"
Luffy shoves his hand away with a huff. He likes it when Shanks ruffles his hair, but he can't let the captain know that 'cause it's just another sign that he's still a little kid.
"I do! But the fruit told me to!"
Luffy is too busy smoothing down his hair to notice Shanks grow absolutely still beside him. The whole crew, who has had one ear on their conversation this whole time, freezes. Tankards pause midair, conversations break off abruptly, chewing stops. An unnatural quiet falls over the bar.
Shanks takes a deep breath. He runs a hand over his mouth, tries to gather enough spit to speak.
"The fruit told you?" he asks, careful, casual. He needn't have bothered. Luffy is already bent over his paper again, drawing himself as a member of Shanks crew, completely oblivious to the tension in the air.
(the picture will leave the port with Shanks weeks later and he will treasure it for the rest of his life but it will also always remind him of this moment, the moment he finally gets it, the moment it all falls into place, the missing puzzle piece he didn't even know he was missing)
"Uh huh! The box made a sound, like bump bump bump and when I looked inside the fruit told me to take a bite, told me it would be fun, we would have lots of fun together. But it wasn't fun, it tasted bad." He sticks out his tongue and makes a face. "Super bad. But I guess rubber power is kinda fun. So I'll forgive the stupid fruit for tasting bad."
Shanks is trying his hardest to breathe. He can feel Beck come up behind him, can feel him put a hand on his shoulder. The hand is shaking. "Kid, what-"
"It was dark in that box." Luffy says. He sounds absent, his voice flat and distracted. His red pencil moves over the paper in a slow, meticulous manner, as if on auto pilot. Shanks can't shake the feeling that they aren't really talking to Luffy anymore. Or at least not only Luffy.
"It was dark and you can't be free in the dark, you can't bring freedom in the dark. You need a light. You need the sun. There is a lot of sun on the seas, even in dark places. So we are gonna sail the seas and be free. And we're gonna have so much fun."
Beck is crushing his shoulder, the whole crew is holding its breath. This feels like something sacred, like a moment in time that will never come again, a conversation that could change your whole life.
Roger would know what to say.
Roger would laugh and know exactly what to say.
Shanks feels like crying. He has no idea what to say.
"I-"
The tip of the red pencil breaks off and Luffy flinches the slightest bit. He blinks at the paper as if he's seeing it for the first time before he grins and holds it up for Shanks and the others to see.
"It's done! Do you like it?"
Shanks isn't really looking at the drawing. All he sees is that boy and that grin and those eyes, bright and alive.
"Joyboy."
Luffy tilts his head. "What?"
Shanks puts a hand over his heart and tells it to stop beating so hard, tells his voice to stop shaking. "You are truly a joy, my boy."
It's a weird thing to say, nothing he's ever told Luffy before. But the kid beams and leans forwards as if Shanks has just offered him the world on a silver platter.
(You have, haven't you? The world in a box.)
"Does that mean you'll take me with you?"
Shanks laughs and it sounds normal, it sounds familiar again. He pokes a small forehead and grins.
"Nope. You are not ready yet."
'But you will be,' he thinks as Luffy pouts and the rest of the crew tease him. 'One day you will be ready. And just maybe the rest of the world will be ready for you as well.'
#one piece#one piece fanfiction#gear 5 luffy#one piece luffy#one piece shanks#one piece meta#Listen I just really love the idea that the devil fruit chose liffy#Because it took one look at that kid and was like#Yeah you are perfect
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Buddie AUs over 20k
To catch up on recommending fics in my bookmarks, I'll also try to make some lists instead of posting one fic per post. Though some fics might also still get their own posts even while added in a list.
To start, here are some finished Buddie AUs with more than 20k words
(I made this list in March so it doesn't have any newer fics. Soon I want to spend a day dedicated to catching up to new fics and adding posts to my queue here)
what if you're someone I just want around by ReallySmartLadyMarieCurie
20k, Rated T
"Eddie pauses in his typing, glancing at Buck and trying to figure him out. He seems so eager to help and to please, so willing to take some of the burden in order to make others happy. It’s the sort of presence that Eddie’s been craving in his life. One that he’s missed since Shannon’s fatal accident. And he’s incredibly handsome. He’s got conventional good looks and a beautiful smile, but that pink little splotch above his eye, which Eddie guesses is a birthmark, is really what brings it home."
Or, Eddie Diaz is a successful boxer who's been making a big name for himself in recent years. Buck is a fan, but he certainly never expected to end up at Eddie's house after the man calls 9-1-1 when his son gets sick.
I love the way you spoil me, baby by rosebuddiekin
33,8K, rated E
“I, uh, I was actually at that coffee shop to meet with someone else. You see, for the past few years, I’ve been a sugar daddy on a site that connects people looking for similar things. I was supposed to meet with a prospective baby that day, but then I saw you. And I felt drawn to you, so I messaged the guy I was supposed to be seeing and told him I had to cancel. I just, I thought you should know. That I should be upfront about it from the start.”
Eddie’s fork drops to his plate, making a small clatter. He can feel that his mouth is agape. He’s very glad he hadn’t taken another bite or sip of anything while Buck spoke. Because what the actual fuck? Buck… is a sugar daddy.
OR: Buck is a sugar daddy who wants to spoil Eddie rotten and take care of everything for him. Eddie has never had that sort of relationship but is willing to give it a try. There is plenty of adventure along the way.
Sunny skies & summer high by prettyboybuckley
Sequel to a one shot, 43,8K, rated E
"Well, I kind of want to kiss you right now but that's usually something that happens at the end of a first date, right?" Buck asks, doing a weird movement with his eyebrows in an attempt to be funny.
Eddie chuckles, wrinkling his nose a little.
"I guess, yeah," he mutters. "Think we're doing this a little backward already anyway, so are there any rules to follow?"
He's got a point there, and even then Buck has never really been the kind of guy who follows rules, so he ends up leaning over the center console as he uses one hand to pull Eddie's face towards him. It's a short kiss, a simple peck hello that Eddie chases after when Buck pulls away again.
OR: Buck and Eddie sneak around behind Eddie’s family’s back, spend the summer together, smoke a lot of weed, and fall in love along the way
Kiss me before It's over (if only for a minute) by Bob_loblaws_lawblog
54,2K, Rated E
Evan Buckley is living out his childhood dream as the star hitter for the Philadelphia Phillies. He’s climbing the ranks, improving his stats with every single game – he’s unstoppable.
That is, until the Los Angeles Angels get a new pitcher seemingly out of nowhere. Known for his strong arm and tricky curve balls, Eddie Diaz is one of the few pitchers in the nation who consistently makes Buck strike out, and its infuriating. Even from the sixty feet that separate them between the batter’s box and the pitcher’s mound, the weight of Diaz’s gaze is enough to make Buck’s blood boil.
Because Buck doesn’t get nervous on game day, he never feels calmer than when he steps up to the plate with the bat in his hand – it’s where he belongs. But when he sees Eddie Diaz standing on that mound, his stomach flips and nerves spark across his skin.
Because if there is one thing Buck knows for sure, it is that he hates Eddie Diaz.
… Until he doesn’t.
Traded by princessfbi
23,7K, rated M
Really, it was Lena’s fault. She’d been the one to demand a video when Eddie had finally caved and sent an SOS to the group chat asking if anyone was willing to trade.
“Is anyone interested in trading jerseys with me? Preferably for a smaller size,” Eddie had said because knowing his coworkers, one of them would’ve been a smart ass and gave him an even bigger size. “I ordered an XL because I’m usually a XL but… the way it fits makes me look like I’m fucking one of the players.”
Eddie wasn't trying to go viral. He just wanted to trade his jersey. But then something called Booktok got involved.
Bartender!Eddie Diaz x Hockey Player!Evan Buckley
Snowed Inn by brewrosemilk
31,1K, rated M
Rivaling for a promotion, journalists Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz get sent to a small town where they are each to write a piece on a once illustrious inn and its rich history. For two talented and overconfident authors, it sounds like an easy assignment - but in between a violent snowstorm, blocked roads, heated stares, and a struggling inn, Buck and Eddie may just have to abandon their rivalry and accept each other as partners.
Don't play games (come my way) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels
43,1K, Rated E
Buck hates Eddie Diaz.
Ever since his publishing company and Eddie's merged, the man has been nothing but a pain in Buck's ass. The way he nitpicks all of Buck's company emails, the way he spends half his day bickering with Buck, the way he makes Buck's stomach flip and the way he's started haunting Buck's dreams... yeah, it's one hundred percent hate. Definitely. Buck's sure of it.
Because what the hell else could it be?
Falling slowly; sing your melody (I'll sing it loud) by princessfbi
55,3K, Rated E
Buck didn’t like him at first.
Eddie Diaz was all hard lines and strict rules with a bone structure that could cut through glass and scared away his fans. Which... if you asked Bobby, was the point but still!
He also yelled at Buck which was fine. It’s not like it hurt his feelings.
It didn’t.
It didn’t, Maddie!
It also definitely didn’t turn Buck on either. Nope.
Stop it, Maddie!
After a traumatizing home invasion, Bobby Nash decides to hire a bodyguard for his lead singer.
Musician!Buck Bodyguard!Eddie
More fics to be recommended soon!
#911#buddie#911 on abc#buddie fanfic rec#buddie fanfiction#rated m#rated e#20k+#alternate universe#buddie recommendations#buddie au#911 abc#911 fanfiction
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੭୧ ⼂ TUGGED COLLAR, SHY HEARTS ﹗
ー☆ㅤㅤ [ xikers maknae line x reader ] ㅤ੭𓂃 ㅤfluff ㅤ𓏧ㅤ when you pull them by the collar and kiss them ㅤ warnings kissing ㅤ﹢ㅤ0.4k / mem wc ㅤ𓏧ㅤ hyungz
੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ KIM JUNGHOON ꒱
You feel like a total loser standing under the umbrella in the first rain of the season and only thinking about how you want Junghoon to kiss you right then and there. The weather is cool and the smell and sound of the rain-hit ground accentuates your mood as you longingly stare at the wet patches on the road.
“Penny for your thoughts?” a small smile makes its way into Junghoon’s face as he stands beside you and softly takes the umbrella from your hand. You chuckle and shake your head looking down to your feet.
“How about a million dollars?” he grins cheekily and laughter bubbles up your throat at his absurd sentence. You look at his Oreo-coloured hair and the drops of rain adorning the ends and slowly arrange some messy strands before you two start walking.
Throughout the walk under the shared umbrella, Junghoon picks up your ministrations but decides to keep quiet until he reaches your home and asks, “Alright spill, what has got you so worked up?” Your eyes widen as you nervously chuckle and shake your head again making him deadpan as he holds your gaze.
You sigh lightly and decide to tell him anyway voice getting smaller as the sentence progresses, “You know how in romantic novels and movies people kiss in the rain and well I was thinking- about- how we- no like- leave it I don-“
Your weird sentence gets cut off as Junghoon’s grips tighten on your fingers, his eyes widening just a fraction and he faces you saying, “Do it.” You gasp, face getting warm at the mere thought but he continues nonchalantly, “Well unless you are afraid.”
“I am not-"
“Then there’s no reason to back out,” he challenges and you curse yourself for getting so easily provoked. Junghoon knows he is successful when you murmur a quiet, “Fuck it” and pull him by the collar and kiss him. Almost on cue, like those cheesy movies, the rain intensifies and he takes the opportunity to lower the umbrella.
The rain hits you almost at the same time your emotion and love for him does as he grips your waist pulling you closer to him. Rain pelts down your skin and into the kiss making it perfect and messy at the same time and a fleeting feeling engulfs your chest when you run your fingers through his damp hair as his body presses to yours.
When you part, droplets rest on his eyelashes and you breathe out, “Was that cliché enough for you?” “No,” a single answer and he is pulling you by your hand and kissing you again.
੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ PARK SEEUN ꒱
You clutch your head and groan as for the nth time you cannot get the equations right and what doesn’t help your headache is the familiar and awful cologne that infiltrates your nose.
“Park Seeun in the library, never thought I would see such a day,” you murmur softly but loud enough for the said boy to hear making him chuckle, “You already know it’s me without even looking up, obsessed with me now Y/n?”
“In your dreams, Park,” you scoff not bothering to look up at the smirk etching his face. Park Seeun and your rivalry has always been the talk of the school and even though the boy was perceived as a sweet person with a teasing edge you refused to give him that much credit. He is annoying.
“Do you need help with that?” his voice infiltrates your thoughts and you shake your head gritting out, “No.” “Of course not, because blankly staring at the copy helps a lot,” your head shoots up as soon as that sentence leaves his mouth as you glare at him.
“Shut up,” you warn him and he sits down on the table and looks directly into your eyes saying, “Make me.” A scoff leaves your face at his new-found method to annoy you and you roll your eyes as soon as you hear him say, “But I guess you can’t just like you can’t solve simple equations.”
Rage makes everything in the next moment a blur as you grip his collars, pull him down and say, “Don’t try to provoke me.” “What if I want to?” he whispers menacingly and you don’t even know what comes over you as you take a single glance at his lips. It was one moment of slipping but Seeun caught that and his eyes widened slowly.
As soon as he locks his eyes with you he gives a slow nod and that damn stupid smirk and your walls break as you press your lips to his. The kiss is messy, desperate and you would think full of hatred but Seeun’s pillow-like lips make you succumb to your senses as his hands gently grab yours caressing them.
It’s weird and familiar simultaneously, and you hate how much you love it and miss it when you break apart and your face grows hot just thinking about what you did moments ago. You look down as Seeun lightly coughs making you leave his collar abruptly and try to fix his crumpled shirt.
His hoarse voice interrupts your thoughts as you leave his collar, “Still need help on those equations?”
੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ JUNG YUJUN ꒱
Yujun is a very sweet and shy boy and you love that about him so much. But the occasional boosts of confidence he gets give him a new level of attractiveness you didn’t know he had before you witnessed it.
He is recording a video of his and Jinsik’s room for some daily vlog while you are lazing around in the bed waiting for him to finish up. For a while, you are patient till you start getting bored as he retakes it almost four times because he keeps messing up and giggles.
By the fifth take you get a very annoying idea, courtesy of spending time with Seeun, and as soon as Yujun starts the video and steadies the camera on the stand you walk by right in between him and the camera. A quiet laugh leaves your throat when you see him side-eyeing you mentally noting to cut that part out.
He keeps talking before you repeat your actions making him flabbergasted and to top it off you do it again after he keeps talking and carefully repeating his sentences for a retake. As soon as you do it for the third time, his hands wrap around your arms and pull you behind him.
You gasp lightly knowing you can never expect this kind of action from Yujun as he slowly turns to face you. “What are you trying baby?” he asks, voice low slightly hinting on the warning edge. Your eyes widen as you try to stutter out a proper sentence.
“Yujun the video,” you blink lightly looking at him and he shrugs saying, “I have to retake it anyway since a certain someone couldn’t stop walking at all, you want my attention that bad, love?”
The slight cocking of his eyebrows has you stuttering more as you try to keep your calm and reply, “Maybe, yes.” “Maybe later,” his breath fanning your face is suddenly gone as he distances himself and you stumble over nothing at the abrupt change.
“Want it now,” you exclaim as you extend your hand, pull him by the collar and press your lips to his. Taken by surprise, his eyes widen and before he can react you are leaving him breathless. A red hue streaks across his face making him stutter and blink in shock. You are not any better as you squeal in your hands lightly after your spontaneous action and he keeps looking at you with his round baby face.
Whether bold, confident Yujun or shy Yujun, both are a very dangerous species for your heart and you know it all too well now.
੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ HUNTER ꒱
A spray of water greets you as soon as you set foot in your garden making you whip your head towards the neighbour’s lawn. “What the,” your eyes widen as you see Hunter standing there with a water gun in his hands, and the same adorable smile etching his face. The same Hunter who was once shorter than the fence is now taller, the Hunter who left Thailand for Korea.
Before you can comprehend the situation the front gate of your house is opening and Hunter enters and asks, “’Sup loser?” Your breath feels heavier as you blink hoping you are not hallucinating in broad daylight. Hunter is here! In your garden! And puberty had hit him like a Mac truck.
“Hunter,” you breathe out after bouts of silence and he shrugs saying, “Missed me much?” Missed him? Missed him? You scoff at the question and pick up the water hose hitting him with the pipe and say, “Ya think?” A laugh leaves his lips and hits straight to your gut making all the feelings you tried to stash away float right back up.
You grab him by his collar and pull him close to you, having to look up since God knows how he became so tall. “How could you leave me like that? And before you refute one week's notice wasn’t enough. Do you know how much I have to update you on? All those school years? And- and- every other thing and it doesn’t help because your stupid face and laugh is engraved in my mind for four years you asshole, I hate you so much,” you breathe in deep as Hunter presses his mouth trying hard not to laugh.
You gasp saying, “You are laughing, you think this is a laughing matter?” and pull him down by the collar and glare at him. Hunter’s breath slows down as your faces come inches apart and for a moment you two stay quiet breaths mingling. You look up at him meeting his eyes which hold a hint of amusement and longing in them.
“Maybe yes,” he breathes out, eyes moving down to your lips and you waste no time pulling him in and locking your lips with his. And in that instant, he knew he was finally home.
੭ㅤ𝅄ㅤ ꒰ LEE YECHAN ꒱
You are so devastatingly in love with Yechan that you would cringe at yourself for being so infatuated. That would definitely explain though why you were staring at him like he discovered the earth is round while he is talking about his day.
Half-way through his habitual yapping you catch your attention drifting and shifting down to his whole attire. A few hours prior you had giggled and lightly teased him about wearing a formal suit because of the company dinner.
Now, you are cursing your old self for downplaying Yechan wearing a suit because goddamn he looked way too attractive in it. As much cliché as it sounds you do have a thing for men in suits. It just makes them way more attractive and Yechan isn’t an exception. He even had his sleeves rolled to his elbows and tie loose as soon as he came to his dorm and that wasn’t helping at all. The backdrop of his voice doesn’t help your case at all as your mind flutters away from the conversation and focuses on how plump and beautiful his lips look.
With every movement, you feel like shutting him up already and feel those lips on yours and your impatience gets the best of you when a small smile makes its way to his lips as he talks about some prank Seeun managed to pull. Before you doubt yourself you find yourself holding his collar and pulling him in.
Yechan is surprised as his lips meet yours messily while he is mid-talk and his eyes widen even more as he feels you kissing him. His mind shuts down and before he can react you are already pulling away. Heat creeps up your face as your brain finally pieces back together from the mush it was a few seconds ago.
Yechan is staring for a good amount of time before his brain processes and a red hue creeps up his neck and face. He giggles nervously as you hide your face in your hands groaning softly. But the moment is short-lived as Yechan softly pulls off your hands and places a soft kiss on your lips which you gratefully reciprocate.
ー☆ㅤㅤ [ ara's notes ] ㅤ੭𓂃 ㅤ idek why yechan was so hard to write, i had my fun with seeun's lol, junghoon is my fav ㅤ𓏧ㅤ library ㅤ xikers shelfㅤ navi
੭ 𝅄ㅤ ꒰ TAGLIST ꒱ ㅤ⏤ㅤ @haneagerr (beta) ㅤ𓏧ㅤ fill this or comment or ask to be added.
ㅤㅤ(ㅤㅤ© arafilez on tumblrㅤㅤ)
#ㅤ── ㅤara posts ㅤ𝜗𝜚#xikers x reader#xikers#xikers imagines#xikers fluff#xikers fanfic#xikers soft hours#xikers scenarios#xikers reactions#xikers junghoon#xikers seeun#xikers yujun#xikers hunter#xikers yechan#junghoon x reader#seeun x reader#yujun x reader#hunter x reader#yechan x reader#junghoon#seeun#yujun#hunter#yechan#xikers drabbles#k-labels#houseoftrickynet#⋈ ˚ ‹ xikers ›#𓂃 FIC : tugged collar shy hearts 𒉽#divider cr plutism
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