#anyway…. mental health not on top these days
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Mobile Tumblr US users spend an average of 4.04 minutes per session on the app.
Text
There’s a first time for everything (I arrived at work crying today)
#shoutout to the stagista who’s my age who was like let’s make a tisana#and we sat there having a full hour pause before doing any work at all#without her I would’ve 100% returned home and not worked today#my boss doesn’t know HOW bad it is but at least he knows I’m stressed now#and he was like this isn’t life or death it’s good that you want to do stuff well but no one will die if things aren’t done perfectly/in tim#now I’m also drunk but you know… it has been a day#I HAVE to take a day off soon#it just feels so weird to just take a day off because I want to but I mean yeah I can#what’s the difference in me staying home because I want to and my colleagues taking a day off for a trip?#anyway…. mental health not on top these days#snicksnack
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao
#moogletalks#in some ways it was a wonderful community; and it taught me a lot of really helpful things#and made me feel validated and hopeful that This is a Thing That You Can Continue to Be and Develop in an Adult Life#instead of feeling like there was a time limit for when plurality stopped being Childlike Imagination and started being Craziness(tm)#(lots to unpack there lol)#.....in other ways not only was there Some Real Fuckery going on in the community in general; on an interpersonal basis#but i cannot overstate how horrifically toxic and damaging some of the things it taught me about plurality were#and how when i entered the phase of young adulthood where i realized the approach it had demanded of me was unsustainable to my survival#instead of having other perspectives on hand to go 'hey yeah you're not torturing your parts to death out of laziness if they go dormant'#'and/or if you don't spend hours of extremely grueling intensive work at minimum into maintaining them every single day of your life'#'and that if they dissolve into nothing because you Didn't Pay Them Enough Attention and you try to recreate them it won't be the same one'#'and if they DO actually come back as themselves they'll be horribly broken and traumatized and probably hate you forever'#'who the fuck told you that. oh my god?'#all i had to go on was 'either you're plural or you live an actual functional life in the real world; and i can't not do the latter atp'#and the result was repressing myself in an incredibly traumatic way i have just never fully recovered from even now#the fun cherry on top was that later when i *did* try to ask (very kind and well-meaning) plural ppl from another mental health community#if anything i described sounded familiar to their own experiences; or ones they had heard from other people#their response was pretty much 'idk that doesn't sound plural to me; i'm sorry; it's something where if you have it you know :('#me crying my eyes out for days afterward: obviously this reaction is bc i want to appropriate plurality to feel special#and am throwing tantrums at having the bubble broken by Reality#anyway. it's been a lot and yeah i really wish i'd had literally any other affirming plural community as a kid lol#ableism cw#internalized ableism cw#pluralitag#traumatag#adventures in mental illness#disabilitag
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry i need to just scream abt bad things and evil thoughts
#financial aid is still pending and deadlines are past due so i won’t be going to school#i crashed my car in to a tree the other day#my application for healthcare also is ‘pending’ and they won’t give me an answer at all about approving or denying it#my last hope is a job interview i have on wednesday and i’m hoping i can finally get hired full time soemhwere#simply because i can get insurance that will HOPEFULLY cover reduction/top surgery#but at this point i’m so worn out and exhausted#the idea of having to work for a whole year and then attend a whole year of dr visits trying to convince them i need this#plus consultations#and the possibility of still being denied#makes me feel insane and i want to give up on the life race#all that work does not seem worth it i can’t picture my mental health being good enough for that for the next 2-3 years#also there is something i really want to draw but no matter how hard i try it’s not working#anyways if u made it this far thanks#hope you have a good day
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
wwx has bipolar disorder I know this in my heart
#enough about adhd wei wuxian we all know he has adhd#i think he should also be bipolar!!!#they are often comorbid!!!#idk i just think about his yiling laozu days#and how he was probably going through manic and depressive episodes#throwing himself into creating inventions for days on end barely sleeping or eating#or holing away in his cave for days. drowning in self loathing and refusing to drag himself out of bed#all of this exacerbated by all the trauma he's experienced and his already volatile emotional state#whenever i write wwx please know im writing him with this in mind#especially in a modern au. if he's functioning at all in a modern au it is because one of his loved ones dragged his ass to therapy#and got him medicated#i have a modern au where jc and wwx live together#and despite driving each other nuts it's better for their mental health#bc jiang cheng's abandonment issues can be abated somewhat with wwx's company#and wwx's mental health is better bc jc forces him to stay on top of his meds#these tags are getting long. anyway. binghe has bpd and wwx has bipolar what b disorder does hua cheng have
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
me a week ago: i love my job!!
me now, after having a mid-year review that amounted to you’re doing an excellent job and you bring such a valuable perspective to our practice but i don’t have the ability to give you a raise right now but don’t worry bc i just hired a new CFO to try to figure out money so we can maybe give you a raise later this year: *breaks into a cold sweat as i crack open indeed dot com*
#like how have you hired FOUR new employees in the past year (two new providers a new admin assistant and now a CFO)#without having plans for people to level up?#also i have talked to a friend who got hired at a similar practice a few months after me and she’s already making way more than me!#and you know who else makes more than i do?#my 19yo nephew who didn’t even finish high school. to be fair he’s grinding way more than he should#but also so am i!!#my disabled ass is working 6-7 days/week almost every week and i can barely afford to LIVE in the city where i live!!!#anyway don’t mind me i’m only apartment hunting#while also knowing that my paycheck is about to be hundreds of dollars lighter every month bc my health insurance is about to kick in#right now it’s either looking like we are gonna have to live in the world’s shittiest apartment (not even in the nice part of the city) or#we might just have to find something outside the city. which would be farther from work and friends and everything#yes i am having a full mental breakdown every single day and it’s only gonna get worse bc i’m due to start pmsing any second now#and also my last day at my hospital job is this weekend#bc everyone (including my boss) has encouraged me to quit and focus on only the one job#so now that’s also at least a few hundred bucks more i won’t be making every month#godddddddd#i hate it here i hate it here#did you know? having a fulfilling job still sucks if you aren't fairly compensated???#this is also what happens when you are part of a hot girl profession where everyone else is married to husbands with tech jobs#so they don't have to worry about money like this#anyway anyway anyway#i have never had anxiety so high that i feel as if i might puke before and i used to have a panic disorder so this is a fun new experience#a nice cherry on top of the typical summer depression which is also beating my ass yet again!
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse
... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one
#i (ai)#ocd#vent cw#I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great#like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable#that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell#I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part#....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great#during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now#and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit#my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid#that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio#some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month#I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao#...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once#now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about#how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck#that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc#anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#it turns out that watching saw while snacking and knitting is indeed very good for your mental health#my body knew what i needed lmao#i got so many rounds done so i feel productive too and the irony of knitting a red and white scarf in the round...#...(meaning as a spiral - helical knitting) is not lost on me but the hidden spirals of the knitting project came after the spirals on saw#((its yoko's cowl from gurren lagann lol))#idk how im gonna block this thing bc it has wild floats showing on the front so im gonna need like 60 pencils to slide in there...#...before i start pinning it down and spraying it and idk how thats gonna go but it 100 percent needs to be blocked#tension? who the fuck knows what that is lmao#also the floats were a bad idea but like i didnt wanna knit 10 bobbins in the round for my first time knitting w bobbins#theyd tangle every time the project twists lmao but whatever im making the extra stripes caused by the floats to work#i wasnt sure how to stagger them in a way that wouldnt look weird and i had already unknit the project like 5 times so i committed#speaking of its 240 stitches each round lol its killer but its going so whatever.#im at about 6.5 inches and i want probably around 14 (im gonna connect the top and bottom to make it reversible/hide the back)#so yeah my night was better than the day i had thankfully#im so tired tho lol#i havent worked out yet today and i dont know if im gonna force myself to lol hashtag no days off lololol#ill see how i feel after i brush my teeth if im up for it i guess but im pretty tired from being mentally stressed all day#anyway good night ill prob#delete later / /
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
having a dissociative disorder is so fucked up and confusing
like, I feel like that's obvious, but no... once you know you have it, once it's confirmed, it just gets so much more confusing than it was before
#ed mumbles#it's all fun and games till a mental health professional starts talking to you about it#and im like nononono noo that is something other people experience not me#and shes like 🧐#anyway. its been bad the last few days#ive been experiencing states simultaneously and switching very rapidly#getting double vision and not sure who's where#i have a young part thats obsessed with flossing her teeth for hours on end and i am gripping her leash rn like NO#last time we did that we fucked up our gums so no#and then another part is like. i need top surgery NOW.#in therapy today i was switching rapidly#and i was overheating when one was present and freezing when another was#it was fucking weird i dont know what's going on#i have to see her most days bc shes like an anchor so i know who i am and whats happening each day#also i do take this w a grain of salt bc i dont have an official diagnosis#but thats only bc i didnt want one#she told my psychiatrist about it but i told him nope dont talk to me abt it i dont wanna know.#i dont want that on my record this is insanely personal and i dont need it in writing where people i dont know might see it
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Daily Highlights #16 (3-26-23)
3 Things That Made Me Happy
My king snake booped my nose while I had him out
A parent texted me that their kiddo misses me during the break
My peeps up North are planning to make a trip down to where I am at because I cannot afford to travel
3 Productive Activities I Performed
Began submitting documents for disability
Started doing a little bit of spring cleaning
Sleep, Sleep, Sleep mother fucker
3 Self Care Activities I Accomplished
Took naps in intervals to help me get through being sick and work on things.
Used social media sparingly so I could focus on getting better
Did a mental health check in with myself when I felt like spiraling
3 Emotions I felt Today
Fatigued
Contentment
Anxiety
Overall Day
5/10 Jeff Goldblum’s
#dailyhighlights#mental health journaling#getting sick often after having covid is legit folks#doctors aren't kidding about how it compromises your immunity#please stay up to date on the research and vaccines#i caught it right around the beginning of 2021#just before the vaccine was available#im still feeling the repercussions#then i caught delta in 2022 cause people didn't mask up and came to work anyway#since then ive been catching colds and flu variants more easily#like every month it seems that i come down with something#then the fibro on top of it has been hard navigating#im hoping i can get on disability at this point#i can work well but i need to take days off as needed#and most places aren't accomodating#i doubt my current work place is going to be open to that regardless of the documents i submitted#its frustrating#thank you for coming to my tag ted talk
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
like genuinely is it normal to get so depressed in the week leading up to your period you feel like your life has no meaning and everything is pointless like, every month, or do I have pmdd
#genuine question i am curious if other people experience this every month#like...severe debilitating depression#surely this isn't normal right?#and then like the few days of/after my period i feel on top of the world#and it feels like all my serotonin gets used up at this time#i have done research into pmdd and it fits but like I'm not sure at what point to speak to my gp about it#not that talking to your go about mental health goes far anyways from my experience..#not swiftpost
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#today’s been a really bad mental health day#and i’ve been crying for hours about a lot of stuff#one of them being my laptop which you might know is very old and gives me a lot of problems#it’s been totally unresponsive today and i’ve been frustrated about it on top of the other stuff that triggered me today#anyway i said something along the lines of not being able to afford a new computer to my mom#and she just kinda hesitated and said i don’t have worry about anything this christmas#🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️🧍🏻♀️ so needless to say i’m a mess#and if she means what i think she means i’ll be a mess christmas morning too
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
wrote the most devastating journal entry about being a boy and i hope someday someone else loves me the way i love myself
#my brain is a prison and my mother’s house is somehow worse#i came out in the fifth grade. the photos of me around the house stop in fourth grade.#i’ll never be my mother’s son.#i’m not her child period. i am only her burden. her shame!#anyways!#maybe one day i’ll start t and just simply. not tell anyone.#i’ve been thinking about it a lot#also top surgery.#i wish i could do it before graduation so i could graduate as myself.#but that is. a very tall order and not one i think could remotely happen#my gender is none of my business for the time being#in the name of protecting my mental health i can’t think about it anymore
0 notes
Text
jalapeño eggggggggggg
#toy txt post#its Jalapeño Egg time again!!!!!!!#and afternoon coffee#would love to get to a point. in my mental health. spoon distribution. executive function and time management that i could#hold a job and still have jalapeño egg and coffee everyday. maybe have a couple chickens or smth#ive gotten it to be fairly medium spoons on. a good day. or like high spoons medium high reward#the spoon to payoff ratio seems achievable to Balance#compliments the coffee well#if youre curious its Very Basic egg bc i am a Simple Man i and i dont like fancy shit with lots of ingredience generally.#not like on principle just like. statistically speaking.#pan with butter. 2-3 eggs bc that seems like a Normal and Reasonable Amount to allow myself to eat while leaving enough eggs for Future Me#as well. the butter i use is salted. if that matters. u can prolly get away with like olive oil or dairy substitute or somethin idk.#i can tolerate lactose and i like it with the butter. be generous w the butter. stir the eggs up in a little mug or smth like scrample em.#break the yolks and mix em in. cook eggs to your desired egg cookedness. put on plate#put sliced jalapeño pickles on top to desired amount#voila#jalapeño egg. you can alter this as you want. go crazy mix in all sorts of shit put the jalapeños in while youre cooking it cheese whatever#idc. i dont like all that stuff in mine and i prefer it w the jalapeños added after its done cooking personally. pairs well with#black coffee. good black cofffee. like pickle n coffee but elevated. think it takes me like maybe 30 min to do both egg and coffee and#clean up/set aside to clean up later. BUT thats also including the fact that im making coffee in a fancy lil stupid pour over and gotta#babysit it to make sure it hits all those grounds evenly. and watch the bubbles. could deffo do it faster if u have a faster way to make/#have the coffee haha#learning to cook food at all has been learning that i was right as a child when i realized i dont like fancy/complicated ass foods#again not necessarily on principle just like. everytime i see some recipe or gourmet shit or fucking food network im like#wow thats uh. Pretty. that sure looks like it takes a Lot Of Skill And Work! good job!#personally i wouldve stopped like about 5 ingredients and 400 steps ago and not just cos im lazy as shit. that part is bonus#anyway ☆this is not a moral judgement of fancy ass foods. i simply tend not to like them and my Annoyed Tone is purely from#going to some silly little event and they never got basic ass boring fucking plain god damn brownies anymore. everyones gotta get fancy and#Do Shit to em and leave me No Options. smh. its Fine Youre Fine To Like The Fancy Desserts and Many Ingredient Dishes#its Fine! youre Fine! to eat and like fancy desserts and shit. i am simply a Picky Bitch Eater Grumbling In The Corner. let me liiiive
1 note
·
View note
Text
currently having a sobbing screaming meltdown because i cannot find my car keys because i am a disgusting depressed worthless fucking idiot and the grocery store is probably not going to be able to cancel our order because it’s so last minute so we’re fucked
literally just tore apart my depression hoard of a bedroom within the past hour and cannot fucking find them OR the spare keys even though i just fucking drove yesterday morning and they SHOULD be in my purse but alas that’s what happens when you’re a depressed piece of shit isn’t it
#⟡ — kayleigh.txt#my mental health is so fucking bad nowadays and this. this is just the fucking cherry on top#my father is already angry at me for other reasons; just add this to the fucking list#i requested to cancel and supposedly if i don’t pick it up by the end of the day it’ll be auto–canceled and we won’t be charged 🤞🏻#i am going to. attempt to chill tf out#and focus on going to bed early#so that i can get up early tomorrow and clean this godforsaken disgusting bedroom#i have to drive to the same place on wednesday for my psychiatrist appointment anyways so#i will just re–order everything and schedule it for then 🥲🤞🏻
0 notes