#anyway why is this written like I'm a low budget Noir detective I do not know

[docholligay]

Sometimes in life, you find a calling. Something that speaks to you utterly, and, in that moment, the gates open, and you realize that we are all created for something wondrous, be it small or large, and you have found it. Your purpose. And then sometimes you have a mortgage to pay.

It’s the latter circumstance that brings me to this office. Maybe circumstance is being too kind. I believe in God mostly because the preponderance of the evidence leads me there. Problem being, God is a jackass and wants me to be the punchline in a series of cosmic jokes. I’m a country girl, a straight shooter, and the last thing I want is to listen to someone enumerate their problems at me, thirty percent of which are a failure to listen, and sixty percent of which are a failure to act.

Gotta allow the ten percent for galactic shifts, death, and the discontinuation of Coke Starlight.

Point is, I spend a solid twenty hours of every twenty-four convincing myself not to shoot first and ask questions later, only to get a job where people are tossing targets at me. Couples counselor. There are probably jobs I’m less suited for, but inasmuch as I’m aware, typesetting’s all done by machines now. I look at the schedule today. They give me the hard cases, because I don’t take it so personal. You see my name after yours, may as well file the papers and box up the mementos. My job isn’t so much to save the boat as it is to save the people in it.

Maya Tendou and Claudine Saijo. I don’t recognized the names, though there’s no reason I would. That’s only happened a handful of times. Rich socialite. War hero. People who end up in the papers, the big ones. I don’t read much else, and barely that. What and who the kids talk about on Twitter and TikTok is beyond my ken.

I shuffle through the file quick-like, and then rubberneck at the ages like it’s a highway crash. I can tell you the trouble right now, and it’s the numbers one and six, in a neat row. People don’t try to save these relationships, they just cut through them like a college 101 course. Must be rich parents. Rich parents paying either too much attention, or none at all.

I walk into the room. Two girls who think they’re women, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. Tall, brown hair and back both straight as a pin. Surprised she allows the couch cushion to bend beneath her, but maybe that’s the secret. Other things bend. She doesn’t. On the other end, a blonde that’s going to enter every man and woman thus inclined’s dreams and nightmares someday, hair curling across her shoulders like café smoke in a Paris summer, brown eyes sparkling like champs.

“Well,” I take a sip of my coffee, “Maya. Claudine.” A nod on one end, a wave on the other. I guessed right. “So, let’s get started.”

It’s never easy breaking the ice, made worse by me, half the time. I’m no war general, and I’m always coming late to the battle. Ground has been ceded, casualties tallied, and I’m still reading the map.

Luckily, Claudine fills me in, before I even have time to finish sitting down. “Maya thinks only of herself, of her victory! She’s convinced herself she’s better than I am, but--”

She keeps talking, but I take another look at the intake form. Actress. Actress. There’s bad ideas, and then there’s worse ideas. If I could offer a list of high school commandments that would be ignored, ‘Thou shalt not let the theater kids date each other” would be at least number three. I’m tempted to send them packing, but the only way you can bill for 150 an hour is to work an hour, so I sip my coffee as she keeps going.

“--and I was always there for you! Always telling you, that you would not be defeated!” 

Some people expect the partner they are, and not the partner they have. People’ll tell you what they’re willing to do, if you’ll listen. I’m looking at Maya’s face, and a shiver goes through me as I feel the chill of moonlight on a grave. Her future’s carved out, and if the little French storm at the other end wants to make so much as a dent, she’s gonna have to be in for the long haul. Who needs to make time for that, now? World has so many choices.

But you can’t tell a client to leave their girlfriend in the first ten minutes of a session. That’s the sort of thing that brings down the Yelp reviews. You have to make them see it themselves. Half of counseling is just interpretation. You have to change the language enough that it goes from someone’s mouth to another’s person’s ears, and means something.

The voice was clear and cold as I imagined as it answered: “You confuse the stage and the wings, Claudine.”

I hear her perfectly, but she may as well have been speaking Finnish, from the look on Claudine’s face. The relationship is gonna be second to the career, and Claudine’s career is even lower than that. Maya’s a legacy kid, paperwork says, and that name is carved in stone. It’d be easy to see her as a bad person, but I hear the way she says Claudine’s name. The French way. If nothing else about her, her tongue can bend a little.

It’s not enough. Sometimes people try, but it’s not enough. Not by the time the secretary hands them over to me.

“Claudine,” I sigh, “What is it you want?”

“I want her to--”

“Not from her,”: I set down my coffee cup, “Sorry for not being clear. Outside of Maya, what is it you want? What feeling?”

She looks at me like I have three heads and two of them are Jimmy Hoffa. That’s the thing, about teenagers, and why I should tell Louise up front I wont’ take them anymore. Bunch of people who end up in my office don’t know themselves, but with teenagers it’s a temporary condition. Hard to know yourself when you’re in the process of being rewritten. Of course she’s never thought about what she really wants. It’s just goling to school, getting to the next semester, then going to college, then getting a job, and at no point is the assembly line designed to make you think about what you want. Things are easy to get, feelings are hard. “Love, of course.” She looks insulted, like I’m the idiot here, even though I’m not the one trying to save a three month old relationship with another sixteen year old.

“And, Claudine, Maya,  what does that feel like?”

They both look at each other, not at me. The whole operation is coursing with hormones, and competition can feel like desire, and desire can feel like love.

I get a lot of annoying answers to this question. Even more silence. Twice I’ve had someone quote that goddamn bible verse at me, and both times it was someone who had a laundry list of mistakes their partner made. Sometimes, i even get a good answer. Those I keep tucked in an envelope in the back of my desk.

“When you…” Claudine’s brows furrow.

I knew she’d be the one to try to answer. Maya’s not going to answer, because she doesn’t know, and she’s the sort of girl who’s not ready to fail. She’ll sit there hoping I’ll find her stoic and not stupid. I find her both. Claudine doesn’t know either, but she’s hoping she’ll find something pretty, a Jackson Pollack of emotion pouring out of her mouth, though I heard Pllack planned his paintings, and I’m not convinced of the same for her.

I raise my hand to her. “Sounds like you want to be adored, Claudine? That right?”

All the things she’s said, about flowers and compliments and even a pretty little turn of phrase about being looked at form the other end of the room, all strat to scrub away at the truth. Claudine wants a spotlight of her own, not to be the lighting director. Nothing wrong with that. Usually one in each relationship. People think being the backstage is the right answer, but the real answer is to find someone who enjoys watching. Plenty of them.

Probably not in an acting school, though.

I tap my fingers on the arm of the chair and wish I still smoked. Maya’s mouth is hanging a little open, that perfection chipped just a little bit at the edge, like she’s realized that the stone she’s carved into can’t move, and she’s not even sure she would want to if she could. Maya’s starting to speak Finnish. Claudine’s not there yet.

Claudine’s still busy looking like I’ve accused her of murder. The glint of her eye could filet a fish.

“Non! I--”

“Claudine.” Maya says it like a judge handing down a sentence. “We don’t have time.”

“Maya…”

There’s tenderness there, between them, and it almost makes me regret killing the hour till I open my thermos of soup trying to convince them to leave each other. But they’re sixteen. If they’re mean tot find each other, it’ll mean more at twenty-six. Thirty-six. Once they’ve grown some grass under their feet.

“I want you to be the actress you can be.” Maya nods at her. “And you can’t, if you keep looking to me. I can’t look to you. We have to look up, to the stage.”

I smile, noting that Maya has carefuilly left out any idea of Claudine surpassing her, or even coming up to her level. She’s surprisingly mature and childish, wrapped in that fascinating package that only teenagers manage without being tiresome. Maybe because when adults or doing it, we know they should learned. But Maya’s both arrogant and wise, in this moment, and it’s a cute look for a teenage girl with a pedigree who’s only a few years from getting knocked flat by auditions and jobs. Let her have it while she can.

“I love you.” Claudine’s French, and it doesn’t shame her to say, though Maya blushes and looks away, and for once, that’s enough, and she smiles, “No. That’s wrong, isn’t it? I want you. I crave you. But…I don’t love you, do I?”

Maya reaches over for the first time, and takes her hand, her cool eyes looking into Claudine’s as she regains whatever composure a literal sixteen year old drama queen can have.

“No. We don’t. Do we?”

Maybe this is what their parents wanted. Maybe it isn’t. Either way, 150 in my pocket, and soup in my thermos.

Case closed.

[thenoirblogger]

Trouble Is My Business" Pictures

Front cover

Back cover

Spine

Two Blu-ray disc collection

"Trouble Is My Business" Copy

"Trouble Is My Business" Review (Posted on 06-30-2018)

Jennifer Montemar (Brittney Powell) and Roland Drake (Thomas Konkle)

What a lot of people don't realize is how much energy, creative effort, time and money are required to produce a movie/film. Being a video creator myself, it's a ton of work....but the final results are incredibly rewarding. Producing movies is a natural passion; It's an art; It's a visual form of storytelling, be it true or fictional. Ever wonder why these made-for-web projects are getting all the viewership and praise? Peek through the over-hyped movies marketed every 6 yoctoseconds, and you'll find that there are a chock full of independent, low-budget and under-recognized movies that the film industry *wishes* they made. Ladies and gentlemen of all ages, I present to you this: Trouble Is My Business.

The story is about a detective named Roland Drake, played by Thomas Konkle, whose sexy client Katherine Montemar asks for help in snatching a diamond—the Orlov Diamond—that belonged to her family. Along with detering the corrupt, mob-laden black market, Drake contacts those who may have connections as to where this may lead to while keeping innocent and anonymous. During his journey are a bunch of people intercepting his path trying to get him killed, like corrupt police officer Detective Tate, played by Vernon Wells. The movie overall gives off that classic film noir—the early days when the story and the dark life of gangsterism were the goings-on (still goes on today).

There's a bunch of things that go on in this movie that mentioning some parts are enough to ruin the entire thing. While, yes, movie/TV/video game reviews generally contain spoilers, it is a rare instance that a movie this good challenges us not to spill the beans too much. A mention of one or two things can ruin the next plot, but however, if you've watched enough gangster films, murder mysteries and/or the James Bond series, you'll find that this isn't just another movie in contrast to those titles. It's a story with sudden twists and hairpin turns, it'll drop your jaw. I was in awe at the transition from scene to scene.Roland Drake played by Thomas Konkle

"Well, I can't say no to a lady."

— Roland Drake

This is likely one of the classic lines in this movie—a modest detective reluctantly accepting the meeting with a beautiful woman needing his help. This happened twice to Mr. Drake with two women who happen to be sisters. I won't say anymore beyond that.

"I don't like a man with a sense of humor. I find it almost as unattractive as a woman with one."

— Evelyn Montemar

This made me smirk, but should inform you the kind of people—family—who are incredibly serious protecting prized possessions in the underworld. Gangsters do not have a sense of humor, since their operations involve not saying anything to where CIA or FBI could spot suspicious activity going on.

However, in my world above, women love men with a sense of humor and vice versa. Laughter is the best medicine, and is part of the universal language around the world.

"Just because you read accusations in the newspaper doesn't make them true."

— Jennifer Montemar

I feel this should tie to the skepticism people ought to adopt in the real world. Ever wonder why some news reports are served as "distractions?" Think about that.

Jennifer (Brittney Powell) and her mother Evelyn Montemar (Jordana Capra).

Roland Drake (Thomas Konkle) and Jennifer Montemar (Brittney Powell) in bed.

Bert The Cabble (Paul Hungerford) and police officer Ostrowski (Steve Olson).

Lew MacDonald (David Beeler).

As for the movie, you can tell the budget put into making this. It uses a lot of green screen, but remember, that this isn't focused on special effects compared to, say, space movies or scenes featuring explosions and flying (hello, Transformers, Star Wars and Superman fans). This movie is heavily focused on the story giving homage to the old, black & white movies when technology was so limited, movie producers worried more about the story and the acting. It's not like that today—promoting A-list actors to give low-rated movies some financial leverage. Give me a break....

The story overall is like a roller coaster ride: Once you're in it, buckle up because there'll be some surprising twists and turns. Just don't fall off the ride.

Blu-ray Disc Features review:

There's only two options on the Blu-ray menu: Play Movie and Play Trailer. There's no option for Scene Selections which may bother some Blu-ray fans. Whether you want that option or not, it gives the viewer a requirement to completely watch the film from start to finish, and there should be nothing wrong with that.

Trouble Is My Business Blu-ray menu - Black and White and Color

You may wonder why there are two discs: One for color and one for B&W. Why not put the same on one disc? I figured that they wanted to preserve the video quality putting them in separate discs. Putting two of them in one disc sacrifices the quality of the film which, as you know, will turn off a lot of movie/Blu-ray fans (let's not forget that a Blu-ray holds 25GB of data and a DVD only holds 4GB). The Black & White version of the movie gives that authentic mid-1900s feel, catering to those who dig the classic film library. As for the audio, there is no option on the Blu-ray as it is strictly 5.1 Surround. Majority of movie fans, depending on your audio system, prefer 5.1 audio anyway, but if you have a simple stereo system, it works just as well.

A movie specializing in detecting lives of crime finding truth in-between the lines while extracting secrets from a bunch of sketchy people and a family is what makes this a unique story-telling experience. I really want to talk about the film but, again, it'll spoil too much. It was so good we screened the film twice (perhaps again, after this review).

I want you, the viewer/fan, to enjoy the roller coaster ride this film brings especially when you arrive at the ending. The best way to describe it—I can't believe I'm doing this—I'll quote the bridge and chorus from the hit song "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift:

And he's long gone

When he's next to me

And I realize the blame is on me

'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in

So shame on me now

Flew me to places I'd never been

So you put me down

— Lyrics from "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift

Enjoy that scene as it will raise eyebrows.

While this movie just released on Blu-ray as recent as this month of June (2018), some of you may have obtained this packaging:

Scanavo Blu-ray case packaging

I've personally never seen this packaging. From all the Blu-rays we own in our SHOWSOTROS! video library collection, this is a huge first. I thought it was an imitation but after doing research, this Blu-ray case is by a company brand Scanavo. I feel these cases are uncommon, but unveiling it on this review, expect studios and networks to invest and do business with them showing up more frequently at your local video and electronics stores. (Yeah, I was scared for a second fearing I got a pirated copy. You'd have to be a serious low life to still produce pirated copies in this modern age.)

It's been a long while, for me at least, to finally watch and enjoy something that grips you from start to finish. Now that we've brought this amazing piece into the spotlight, we'll likely see more of this story-telling style. Because of how much the story stacks up, it's good enough to turn into a TV series (you heard it from us first, Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, Amazon and many of you TV writers/producers reading this). Actually, you know, turn this movie into a TV series because we'll definitely tune in.

This Blu-ray release is still hot, fresh and new. Grab your copy as we strongly recommend this movie!

Shop for more Blu-rays and DVDs like this at WBShop.com:

Official Shop of Warner Bros

© 2008-2019 written and reviewed personally by Kris Caballero.

"Trouble Is My Business" Ratings

Our Rating:

100% 0%