#anyway so im retelling to my mom and my bodys like u wanna cry? cause it always wants to cry after the may incident
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i luv being metal lee ill
#personal#bitch the ROLLER COASTER OF EMOTIONS I WENT THROUGH#like today was absolute SHIT at work at most that made me rlly anxious and hurt my stomach but overall i dont care cause thats just work???#like i had good coworkers today so it was FINE and we joked about it and it was COOL you know?#but then i thot i lost my headphones and#not to be tmi but im REALLY fucking sick in the head since forever and like when i was a kid my headphones and little ipod was the only#thing that helped with abuse/depression/hallucinations and i would go INSANE of the walls BATSHIT if i lost either or couldnt find them#and im better now!! but losing headphones or access to music still gets me.....weird?? like more upset than normal people#i handle it way better tho now fbdjdkxjfj#anyway so im retelling to my mom and my bodys like u wanna cry? cause it always wants to cry after the may incident#so im crying and just talking to my mom cause were both used to my body crying when i dont need to persay and im pretty good at the#silent cry/ talking with an even tone and#my moms way of comforting is trying to distract or just joking and laughing and i KNOW this but it doesn't rlly help me and i was already#spiralling bc of the headphones cause losing them means im a bad person who deserves bad things duh#and i just kept thinking about that you dony love me in a way i understand quote about our relationship and i felt like such a DICK#anyway my mom accidentally finds them and idk if it was the relief itself but she starts saying its okay its okay in baby talk and it just#made me full on sob like it was comforting i couldnt fucking deal#anyway whats poppin#god idk just the jump from being like im gonna ******** n breaking down about life and thinking about my mom and my relationship to that#comfort was so wild#just her saying its okay even as a joke just took me out. god im fucking weird. god.#god my speech impediment almost made me start slamming my head mid car ride home tho
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