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xsspeedsterr · 5 years

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(Heated) a Marvel’s Spider-Man 2017 Fanfiction

(This is 1/2 prompts made by Me and @crazyfanatic97 that take place in 2x01 “How I Thwipped My Summer Vacation” so we hope you enjoy like and Reblog for more, And this has slight sexual content btw anyways enjoy)

It was a lovely Saturday in Summer and Peter, Gwen, Anya and Miles were all setting up tents and making sure they had all there food and water to Last them the week they were in the wilderness where Peter was excited to finally check something off his Perfect Summer check list hopefully no villain decides to come out of the woods so he has to ditch his friends to Spider-Man off Easier said then done givin how it seemed that over the summer, every villian seemed to want to come out of the woodwork and attack him. if Peter was being honest he was surprised that Venom hasn’t shown up When Peter was wondering what villain would pop out at him this week a pair of arms wrapped around his waist and he felt a pair of plump bubblegum pink lips plant a kiss on his cheek

"Hey, you seem a bit tense..something wrong?" Gwens soft voice whispered into his ear, reaching up to stroke his hair.

"Need some alone time with me to calm down?" She teased and Peter blushed “N-No I’m fine don’t worry” Peter smiled at Gwen "You sure, i mean...i havnt seen you most of the summer." She stroked his hair again and sighed.

"Those villians got to see more of you than i did." She pouted “Oh trust me that isn’t a good thing” Peter laughed it off rubbing his shoulder it was still a bit sore from one of his last fights Gwen reached over and massaged it a bit.

"you alright?" But non the less he tried to calm Gwen down and assure her that he was fine

Something that wasnt working too well especially when she accidently touched one of his fresher bruises Peter flinched back his arm shyly it was still stinging a bit "Mind if I kiss it?" She joked “Heh um n-no” Peter blushes this relationship was new but it was getting better everyday for him Gwen reached and pulled up his shirt enough that she could get to the shoulder and gave it a nice long kiss Then there was rustling coming from the bushes turns out it was Anya and Miles coming back with fire wood Peter started to panic Gwen pulled herself back, and threw down Peters shirt,trying too mask and hide her blush “Alright I think that’s all we’ll need for tonight” Anya said as she placed the wood beside the fire pit and turned around to Peter and Gwen but gave them a weird look once she saw them "Thats great, less work and more fun right?" Chuckled Peter “Yaaa is everything alright with you guys” Anya questioned as she took in that Gwen was covering her face and Peter was shifting around weirdly "Whatever do you mean?" Gwen innocently asked Anya just lifted an eyebrow before turning around and going to get dinner going Miles gave the two of them an equally curious look, but brushed it off to go start the fire. Peter walked over to Gwen and sighed.

"Too close." “Ya no shit Pete” Gwen laughed nervously before getting up “c’mon we should probably go help the others”

“I’d love to” Gwen smirked as she tried her hand at being seductive but wasn’t quite sure if it was working Of course givin Peters luck with girls, any attempt was bound too work

A couple hours later and they had just finished Dinner and were sitting around the camp fire with Miles trying to tell scary stories

"And then, when they looked at the car door, they found a rusty old hook..but then..the now one handed murderer came up from behind...." "And what?" Peter asked with a mouth full of marsh mellows "He threw a rock at them!" “Awww that’s lame” Gwen pouted at the sour turn of events in the story "Wait how did he throw it that hard with only one hand?" Anya inquired “He used his hook hand too?” Miles tried to recover the story "But its stuck to that door " Pointed out Peter “C’mon Pete” Miles said over exaggerating his arm movements Everyone was laughing "Sorry, i cant help it."

Anya giggled at the boys banter before yawning “alright I think I’m gonna get some shut eye now” Anya stretched out as she stood up "Yeah, i think im ready to hit the hay too "Gwen winked at Peter and giggled Peter blushed and offered to clean up when everyone went to bed "If you insist." Miles said with a shrug As everyone shuffled into there tents Peter hopped into his and laid on his sleeping bag about 10 minutes have passed by since everyone went to sleep But everyone wasn’t fully asleep then Peter heard shuffling outside and sat up on high alert

"Peter?" Gwen whispered softly into the tent “Ya?” Peter sat up and unzipped the tents door Gwen crawled right in and planted a little kiss on his shoulder, smiling as she sat on his lap “Woh hey” Peter chuckled he could feel the blood starting to flow to his groin

"Sorry, i just missed you all summer." Gwen traces her finger down his shoulder “Hey I missed you too” Peter leaned in and captured her lips while grabbing her hips Gwen giggled and lightly pushed Peter into the floor of the tent and hovered over him “Hopefully this week will be villain free” Peter signs "I hope so too" Gwen leaned down and kissed the underside of his chin. ."I need my Spidey-time " she teased Peter smiled at the nickname “if I remember correctly you owe me some alone time” Peter smirked at Gwen she was trying to tease him all day knowing he couldn’t say anything when Anya and Miles were around she was a sneaky one "Well, how about we both cash in on that offer? hmmm” she she smirked cupping his face Peter leaned into her touch as there mouths intertwined tenderly Things started to get faster as Peter sped up a bit as he pulled her in by her waist he angled his head and started to plant kisses on her neck down to her collar bone where he started to suck a bit Gwen bit her lip and started to thread her hands threw his brown hair Peters hands started to head down south as it got more heated Gwen let out a squeal as Peter squeezed her hips then started to pull her yoga pants down as there mouths found each other’s again there tongues started fighting for dominance once Gwens pants were off she started to grind on Peter then started to work his shirt up his body feeling up his abs along the way and whining a bit as she had to break there mouths apart for a second to get the damn shirt off him fully Peters hands went right back to Gwens ass once the shirt was off deciding to be daring he gave her butt a little slap and smirked into the kiss when she squeaked but that squeak turned into a breathy moan as Peters fingers hooked onto her pink panties as the other squeezed her ass

“Um are you ok in there?” Anya called out hearing how much commotion they were making in the tent there blood ran cold as they heard the tents zipper be undone and when Gwen tumbled off of Peters lap and they both looked up they saw the very confused and shocked faces of there two best friends

“Shit” Gwen swore under her breath as she covered her rosy cheeks with her hands as Peter threw his sleeping bag over his legs not wanting his friends to see his erection right now

“A-Anya Miles what are you guys doing up” Peter panicked “We thought someone was getting attacked by a bear ya know with all the sounds coming from your tent it sure sounded like it” Anya said in a accusing manner throwing in a couple Latin curses for good measure meanwhile Miles looked like a kid who had just walked in on his parents his jaw hanging open at the scene in front of him “S-so how long has this been going on for?” Miles asked a bit hurt that his friends didn’t tell him and if he was completely honest he did ship his two friends but he was to hurt to say that right now

“Um around the end of the year look we’re so sorry we didn’t tell you guys it’s just this is still pretty new so we didn’t wanna ruin the friend dynamic between all of us by throwing in our relationship” Gwen bit her lip

Anya sighed she was to tired right now to deal with this “this is not over we are talking about this in the morning” Anya warned pointing a finger at the two teens caught in the act

Peter shrunk down into the sleeping bag if he was being completely honest Anya was scarier then any villain when she got angry like this

“Ooh you guys are in trouble” Miles smirked a bit at them while he secretly thanked god it wasn’t him this time on the other side of Anyas rath

Anya turned on her heel and marched back to her tent already thinking up how she was going to dig into her friends in the morning she was definitely also gonna enlist Miles help in setting up a prank

“Alright well night guys and hey make sure to use protection” He joked as he went off to his tent as well zipping Peters back up

Gwen turned to Peter “guess we better get some sleep before we’re chewed out by Anya” “Ya” Peters heart was beating a thousand miles a minute from what just occurred between him and Gwen

Gwen laid down and wrapped her arms around him “next time we gotta find somewhere more private” “Agreed” Peter answered as he snuggled up with Gwen and fell asleep as the night went by

#peter x gwen #msm 2017 #marvelspiderman #fanfiction #anya corazon #miles morales #peter parker #gwen stacy #camping

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archivedatl · 18 years

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AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

#2006 #blog #Jack Barakat #text #alternative press #all time low #sugarcult tour

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swellwriting · 6 years

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idontwannabeyouanymore

Fandom: Harry Potter (Marauders Era)

Pairing: Remus x Reader

Warnings: Uhm angst kind of, Reader is insecure so that’s kind of a touchy topic for some.

A/N: This is based off the song idontwannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish, take a listen try not to let it get you too emo.

Word Count: 2.3k

As you walked down the hallway you pulled your sleeves over your hands and folded your cardigan around yourself tilting your head slightly down so your hair fell to curtain your face, the usual routine when you became aware that people could be looking at you. Remus noticed right away, he always did.

“Don’t be that way.”

You frowned and then forced a smile, your insecurities swallowing you whole, you hid your shame and self-hatred with a witty response.

“What? I’m not allowed to fall apart at least twice a day?”

“Maybe once, but not twice.”

His response was also witty but held a serious tone, not letting you brush this aside as usual, with no witty response to that you stayed quiet.

“I just wish you could feel what you say about others.”

“Mhm like what?”

“Like the way you ignored Sirius’ reputation and gave him the same clean slate you would anyone else. You didn’t have to hear his side or work your way in to break down his walls to hear the truth behind the reputation, you believed in him since day one. Don’t tell James but I think he would have come to your house instead of James’ that night he left home if you weren’t on vacation.”

“Oh yeah don’t tell james that, I don’t wanna come between their bromance.”

Remus let himself smile but grabbed your hands and pulled you to an empty hallway.

“No Y/N, im being Serious. Why can’t you treat yourself the way you treat others?”

“I’m not trying to treat myself differently.”

“You should be as forgiving to yourself as you are to me when I shut myself away from everyone.”

“That’s not your fault.”

“And you’re at fault for something?”

“Well…”

“No excuses, you give everyone unconditional love except yourself.”

“I want to.” You said frowning, trying to hold your composure, the hallway was no place to have an emotional breakdown. Remus watched your face fall and grabbed your hands pulling you down the hallways swiftly wanting to bring you somewhere else. But luckily for you the hallways crowded and the bell rang, class would be your escape from this unwanted conversation.

You managed to avoid Remus after class too, swiftly making your way to your room to hide yourself away, your room was a comfort, your own slice of heaven in your eyes. Your roommates unprying, but still nice to you. The comfort of your sheets, an open window and a book was all you thought you would ever need. But as you made your way to your bed you passed your mirror accidentally meeting your reflection in what you hoped would be an empty room, forced to face yourself for what should have been a fleeting second to anyone else but you dwelled there, staring yourself down.

You stepped closer looking at your reflection picking out all the flaws no one else could notice with a magnifying glass. Things that maybe existed solely in the expanse if your mind filling it to the brim with self hatred and insecurities. You wanted to cry or scream at your reflection, have her scream back and tell you all the things you were feeling in your mind but the room was silent aside from your shallow breaths getting deeper as anger boiled in your chest.

Was it normal to look in the mirror and feel hatred? Not love for your smile or admiration for your kind eyes, without adjusting your hair out of your face so elegantly like everyone else did while passing their reflection.

You wanted to punch the mirror and watch it shatter, so angry at your reflection you wanted to physically hurt her. But you knew it was too dramatic and your magic and mental state were not one on the same, you’d be too weak to conjure up a spell and repair the millions of shards leaving a permanently cracked mirror in your wake to constantly remind you of your self hatred on days like today. Making every day feel like this.

You might as well write your thoughts on the mirror and force yourself to read them every morning, feeling as though you deserved to feel like this everyday, like the good days never mattered when you had to go through a bad one. But you wouldn’t do that nor would you smash it.

You whispered instead of yelling, talking to yourself so quiet only you and the mirror could hear, telling the mirror what you know she’s heard before.

You pressed your forehead against the mirror in defeat, you would hug your reflection if you could just to provide yourself with some much needed comfort but that wasn’t an option.

You instead gripped the sides of the mirror so hard you thought it might end up cracking anyways, but after a few labored breaths and as a few lines of tears slowly trickled down your cheeks curving over to your mouth making you taste the salt, you finally backed away, half expecting there to be two dents in the mirror and two bloody shard filled thumbs at your sides.

But all that was there was a few smudges you would never take the time to clean and your own reflection staring sadly back at you. When you finally turned away from her your eyes met Remus’ who were wide and filled with even more empathy than usual which you didn’t think was possible, the boy would overdose on empathy if he wasn’t careful.

He was standing in the doorway and you didn’t know for how long, you didn’t know if he saw you cry and whisper to yourself, if he saw you get angry and then try to seek comfort in yourself going through a whirlwind of emotions.

How often did you do this? Do you always feel like this? Did he make you feel like this by not telling you how he felt about you, how the face you hated made his heart melt and his knees week, especially when you would smile, specifically at him.

“I didn’t want to talk before and I don’t want to now.” You spoke up, lifting your chin as you did faking a strength you knew was not within you.

“Well now I can’t ignore it, you can’t do that to yourself Y/N, you can’t be so harsh so judgmental!” Remus pleaded, wanting to close the space between the two of you.

“Well I just did and I always do and I’m fine.”

“You are not fine you're ripping yourself apart!” Remus felt like crying too, he felt helpless not knowing how to help you.

“I just don’t want to be stuck as me anymore. And I know it's selfish for me to complain about to you of all people.” You admitted sitting at the edge of your unmade bed, looking at the book that lied within the messy sheets. You would much rather be reading, escaping to a world where all the problems were fictional.

“Well you’re you for your whole life, if you can’t learn to love yourself you’ll be living life like an enemy in your own body, and I know what that's like, I don't want you to have to be like that too!” He spoke with so much emotion, always a caring soul but usually dripping with sarcasm and a cheeky grin which were both nowhere to be found right now. Just raw emotional Remus wanting to scream I love you but not having enough nerve.

“That's how I feel already.”

“Well I think you need to make amends even if I have to endlessly tell you how beautiful you are inside and out, how you catch the eyes of everyone in a room including your own and that’s why you never notice, then I will.”

“You don’t mean that Rem, you've never said that to me before.”

“Because I was selfish.”

“How?” You asked so timidly, completely unaware of what Remus was talking about.

“I didn’t think you needed to hear it I didn’t want to say it out loud.” Remus admitted coming to sit down beside you, fiddling with his sleeves pulling the the loose strings.

“You didn't want to tell me you think I’m pretty?” You asked him so dumbly, so naively having no idea the emotions the boy beside you had been harboring for your for so long and how deep they really ran within him.

“No I can’t just say you’re pretty without saying your smile is the most enticing thing I have ever seen it makes me smile, it makes me want to never stop. The way it lifts your cheeks and you squint your eyes a bit, especially when your really happy.

“Stop it.” You interrupted and he ignored you, something he usually never allowed himself to do.

“And the way your eyes are like traffic lights with how much you can say through them I know when you’re happy or when you’re sad and want space just by looking at you. I can’t just tell you you’re pretty without describing every single thing I love about you and if I start now I might never shut up.” When he finished he was out of breath, like you knowing all of this was suddenly more important than his brain getting oxygen. “Especially about your smile and those lips.”

What he said wasnt fixing you, it wasn't a missing piece you had suddenly found, like you were nothing without Remus, but it was still good, it was the reassurance that you needed for so long and it wasn't solely mending you and putting you back together but his words were like the thread and you yourself held the needle, sewing yourself back to one whole. It gave you the courage to change the entire tone of the conversation with one sentence, a more challenging one. “What about them?”

“Your lips specifically always look so soft even when you bite away at them I want to kiss them better and I’ve been watching you chew your lips while I’ve been talking and it’s rather distracting.” Remus instantly picked up on your change of direction, glad the conversation was still just as serious but not as heavy as before. You smiled so wide you could barely see his expression of waiting and patience so you continued to challenge him, push him and tease, a little unsure of where he would take it, if at all. “Then distract yourself Lupin.”

Maybe the confidence boost he had just given you helped spark those words but the love and actual spark from the kiss that ensued could lead to a lot more. The kiss was short lived but sweet, it tasted like you thought Remus would but felt like a question and confirmation all in one. When Remus pulled away he took a deep breath and you prepared yourself for what you assumed was inevitable, the i love you but. When Remus spoke it started with an apology so you prepared yourself for him to say exactly that but he didn't, not at all.

“I'm sorry, I can’t help but feel guilty for you feeling this way about yourself, even if it’s not directly my fault I sure as hell did not help you.”

“You didn't do anything wrong Remus. You were always there for me, even when I pushed you away.”

“I told Sirius to stop calling you hot and endlessly telling you empty pick up lines, I told James to stop calling you cute and acting in awe when you would put your hair up using your wand. I know we all kept you busy and out late with us that you missed out on the girl talks, sleepovers, and the support and compliments that you would have gotten from important girl friendships.”

You remained silent, thinking about what would be different if that stuff was a constant in your life, girl friends to confide in instead of the basic politeness you held with your roomates and the fact that the Marauders treated you exactly like on of the boys compared to when they acted like you were in fact a girl. Remus took your silence as a chance to keep explaining himself in endless apologetic rambles.

“I know how much you doubt your knowledge and your assignments, I should have know that self doubt would be just as bad about yourself and your looks. I should have noticed sooner. So even though I hate it I’ll tell Sirius he can say you look hot when you wear jeans even though I know he’s staring at your ass. I’ll ask James to compliment your messy buns because you’ve had your hair down for weeks to hide yourself away and I don’t want you to hide anymore.”

This didn’t magically make your self resentment go away, but the flood had gone down to mere puddles you could walk around, you would have to work on loving yourself and the maybe the boy in front of you as well, who was looking at you like a puppy dog begging to be loved. You were looking at a boy who just poured his heart out to you. And it would be so easy to get a cup and scoop up some of that love and emotion and take a sip and feel the love warm up your veins and fill your body, so you looked at him sweetly and smiled.

“Would you ever lie to me Rem?”

“I never lied, just withheld the truth out of fear.” He answered honestly.

“If I love you was a promise, would you break it if your honest?”

“No, i’ll tell you everyday and it will never become less true than the day before.”

“As happy as I am right in this moment I wish you didn't have to see that, I wish no one would, not even me. Only you know the way that I break.”

“That's okay, I’ll memorize exactly how to put you back together like my favourite puzzle that never tires me, and i'll never lose a peice.”

You felt a tear slip from your eye and hit your cheeks that were stuck out from your wide smile, a tear of happiness instead of pain and anger. “Then I guess I’m all yours solve.”

Tag List: @fortisfiliae @sjriusblck @theboywhocriedlupin @moonynprongs @starlitfawkes

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alexiss-fic-archive · 6 years

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The magic she loves the most

Summary: A monster shows up near Connie’s home.

Notes: Definitely not my best work, but i kinda need the show to fuel my inspiration and after 100+ days im starting to run ow on inspiration. ANYWAY, I needed to pull something out before winter and here it is.

Also available at the Ao3!

Ever since Connie and her parents moved into Delmarva, She noticed that the place had some sort of magic feeling. And she didn't thought so because of the occasional monster attack and the general activities of the Crystal Gems in the area.

She thought that Delmarva was magic in and of itself. The air was fresh, the nights were starry, the people cared for each other and the ocean breeze could be felt from a few miles inland.

This natural magic was often accentuated by the passage of time, which brought something unique to the land as the seasons pass by.

The dreamlike Winter made the air chilly and created beautiful landscapes as snow fell gently during the night. The lively Spring brought the perfume of flowers and a particular day when small flowers descended from the highest hill of the area, showering the suburban area Connie lived in pink. The warm Summer made the heat stronger, and caused the Ocean breeze to be carried further inland. It's arrival also was followed by vacations Connie would spend alongside Steven.

Finally Autumn, the season She was currently in, was a transitory period between the fun of summer and the comfy cold of winter.

The deciduous trees all around the area distorted the everyday weaker Sunlight into a yellowish reflection that gave an ambience of comfort to all the inhabitants of the suburbs. And the sight of their falling leaves as the wind gently blew through them was something relaxing.

That relaxation however was easily shattered by the sound of Steel clashing, as an insectoid Corrupted gem resembling a living yellow pages but green and made out of metal appeared nearby Connie's neighborhood.

It was about the same size as a large car, and was as fast as its slender frame suggested. It's vivid green body changed as it pleased, folding its shiny sheets into dangerously sharp appendages which tried to shred Connie and Steven in tiny Pieces. Its mantis-like visage had a few sets of compound eyes, while its shark-like maw, filled with razor sharp teeth, let out screeches so horrifying that seemed to bend the wind into its will..

Steven and Connie, The two Crystal Gems that weren’t at the other side of the world, were amazingly skilled and managed to drive the beast into a small forest near her neighborhood as Doug and Priyanka calmed down the other residents without the beast causing any damage.

Then, when they were far enough from the suburb to avoid any collateral damage, the two children engaged the creature in combat.

“This isn't what I had in mind when you invited me to hang out.” Steven said as he blocked a scythe-like claw with his shield.

“What did you had in mind?” Connie asked him before trying to deflect the spear-like tendrils that sprouted from the folds on the creatures back.

“I dunno…” He mused as the creature's attacks waned a bit. “Maybe drink some tea, Watch a Romantic comedy, play on the fallen leaves.”

“That sounds great Steven.” Connie said as the dodged a kick from the beast's absurdly sharp legs. “But I kinda want to watch the new adaptation of Dogcopter instead.”

“It’s out already?” He asked her before throwing his shield into the creature's head, which did nothing to it aside from creating a loud, metallic noise.

“Yup. It premiered last night.” She said as she tried to slash at the Creature's side. It remained unflinching as the sharp edge of Rose's sword bounced off the thin material. “Maybe we can watch it later if we figure out how to beat this thing.”

“Awesome!” He said before he created another shield to deflect a set of spears. “But how are we going to do so? It looks like paper but it is as hard as my shield.

“Hmm…” Connie mused as she tried to regroup with Steven, dodging many attacks from the monster in the process. “I think it's like an insect. It has very tough armor outside to protect his squishy inside.”

As Connie reached the boy the creature released an enraged screech, giving Steven enough reaction time to create a bubble just in time to block a powerful claw swipe that sent them bouncing across the woods, tearing their way through the few slender trees before crashing on a large tree trunk.

“Ow…” Steven said after the bubble hit the ground. “You okay?”

“Yeah. But we won't be okay if we let the fight drag on.” She said, pointing at a large crack in the side of the barrier where the beast had attacked.

“Maybe we could throw something into its mouth and hurt him from within.” Steven said as he tried to repair the light barrier.

With that, Connie's face lightened up as an Idea Struck her.

“What if you throw me there?” Connie said Confidently.

“WHAT?!” Steven said surprised. “No! That's too dangerous!”

“If we Don't stop it it might destroy my neighborhood, Steven.” She tried to reason with him. “And it could even go after everyone else.”

“But you could get hurt!” He said, worried about her safety.

“I’ll be fine, Steven. Trust me.” She said, her courageous eyes staring at Steven's.

“Okay.” He conceded. Saving his worry for later. “How do we do it?”

“If we manage to open its mouth we could come up with something.” Connie mused. “I mean, It's obvious that he must use it for more stuff than screeching.”

“Maybe he has a ranged attack?” Steven said.

“You think so?” The girl said.

“Yeah. The air gets all weird and heavy whenever it screeches.” Steven explained. “Maybe he shoots pressurised wind?”

“Did Pearl taught you that?” She asked.

“Not exactly…” The blushing boy said embarrassed. “I saw a guy doing that in the ninja anime we saw the other day.”

His comment pulled out a small giggle from Connie.

“I would lie If I said I didn't thought that as well.” She smiled at him.

Steven was about to say something as well, but was interrupted by the beast's earsplitting screech getting closer to them, followed by a rather violent gust of wind .

Upon noticing the small gale conjured by the monster, Connie said: “Well, I guess that's where the mangaka got his inspiration from.”

The two laughed a bit at the joke before Steven extended his hand towards her.

“Ready to get thrown into a monster's mouth?” He said smugly.

“Thought you might never ask.” She responded similarly before grabbing his hand. Afterwards, Steven wrapped Connie in his arms and leaped upwards, ascending gracefully into the canopy of the tree they crashed into.

Once they got a vantage point, they could see the way the withering treetops seemed to create a small sea of orange and gold, expanding all the way into the meadows where Peridot and Lapis’ barn once was.

However, despite Connie's desire to stay there and watch the sunset in a few hours next to Steven, they had work to do and instead, focused her attention into finding the creature, whose large body shaked the base of the trees as it moved..

“There it is!” Steven said as he catched a green dash in the ocean of orange. “Its coming towards us.”

A moment later, the beast reached a small clearing in the forest, where both of them saw each other in detail. It sprinted towards the kids in a frenzied manner, deciding to paint the nearby trees red with their insides.

Fortunately for them they were at a height where it couldn't reach them, the creature couldn't climb the tree, and after Steven shielded it from its sheets by dropping several constructs near the trunk to defend it and bait it to use its mouth.

At some point, the monster got exasperated and decided to end it all right there. It walked away a few meters before opening its mouth as wide as it could, forcing an overwhelming quantity of air inside that started to bloat its figure like a bloodthirsty tick finishing its meal.

“There it is!” Connie said as she readied her sword to fight. “Now, Steven!”

“On it!” He said as he lifted her effortlessly. “Please stay safe, my strawberry.”

“Don’t worry, biscuit.” Connie declared, ignoring the fact that both of them just called each other by their pet names. “I’ve got this.”

And so, Steven launched his best friend into the vacuum created by the creature's attack.

As she was pulled into the wind vortex, Connie pointed her sword in front of her, in an attempt to impale the monster's vitals with the pull and Steven's strength as her only propulsion.

Connie let out a battle cry as she entered the creatures maw, piercing the back of its throat's soft tissue, inches above the square-shaped gemstone that was the core of the creature.

With another grunt, Connie forced the edge of her sword to slide across the soft flesh, causing its green blood to pour over Connie until its body finally faltered and evaporated in an iridescent puff of green smoke, which disappeared in a flash as the stored air within the monster bursted violently like a balloon, creating a wind so strong that it managed to tear the dying leaves from the entire forest in one go.

Seconds later, a rain of brown, orange and dust fell down to the ground all at once, covering the young girl up to her knees in dead leaves.

“You okay Connie!?” Steven asked as he dangled from a branch of the tree she was on moments ago. “Did you got hurt?”

“I’m fine!” She notified him before sheathing her blade. “I have the monster's gem here!”

“Cool! I’ll be there in a sec!” He said as he flung himself off the branch towards her, using his slow descent to break his fall. The boy landed next to Connie, creating a crackling noise as he stepped on the dry leaves.

“Here.” She handed the gem over to Steven, who proceeded to bubble it and warp it into the temple.

He then gave Connie a small once-over to see if she really wasn't injured.

“So…” Connie said after she was deemed unscathed. “What do you want to do now?”

“Hm…” Steven said. “We should go back and report to your parents.” He told her. “They are probably worried about us.”

“Do you want to see Dogcopter along with me then?” She asked him.

“I wouldn't watch it otherwise.” He said smiling as the pair of children made their way back into her house.

★★★★★

In many cases, watching a new show with your best friend as you drink tea under a blanket to shield yourselves from the cold wind of autumn is something considered as ‘friendship goals’.

In some others, helping clean the mess you did along said best friend after defeating a hideous creature is a similar experience.

It turns out that after the monster popped up like a balloon, the dead leaves from the trees the wind had ripped off flew into the surrounding areas. This of course included Connie’s neighborhood, which seemed to be buried under thirty centimeters of yellow and brown.

However, this didn’t bothered Connie at all.

The point of Steven’s visit was to spend a good time after all, and she already knew that steven was one of the few persons on earth who could turn a boring task into a fun game.

And true to his nature, he made the mundane task of raking the leaves into a contest to see who could make the biggest mound of leaves, only to jump straight into them regardless. Making figures on the leaves and making a tiny amethyst out of them.

This made Connie remember that Steven was also magical. Not only magical in the literal sense, but magical in the same way the land she lived in was. His natural optimism and kindness were something that never failed to shine, even through the most dire of circumstances.

And that magic was the one she loved the most.

#connie maheswaran #steven quartz universe #steven diamond universe #SU fic #connverse #it's more platonic tho #but it works #alexis writes shit

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sukisdeliveryservice · 3 years

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hi ash! sorry that im a little late, ive been a bit preoccupied these few days, but im glad you like talking to me :D i rly like talking to you too <3 i appreciate that you put so much effort into answering everything T-T i do have discord actually! id love to continue talking over there after this :D also this is crazy long so dont rush yourself sjhdjdjd

if you want any nct music recs in the future you can come to me 😌 i really love hello future!! i say this about every title track during every comeback but its really my favourite one right now!

YOU PLAYED DRUMS?? thats so cool :O ive always found drummers rly attractive sjshjehdjsh

the have i evers :

i have never! been to a concert, ive just never had the chance :/

i have! sneaked out, but it was with the help of my mum where my dad didn't know lmao ehejenjdhen

i have! gone through both a one direction and bts phase. 1D came first and it lasted for almost half a year i believe? and i discovered bts in 2018 thanks to my friend, but i started exploring and eventually drifted apart from them in early 2020. jungkook still has a special place in my heart tho :))

i have! had a irl crush actually :'D he actually knew i liked him but did nothing at all and we remained pretty good friends, but he stopped talking to me about over a year ago, and i lowkey don't wanna admit it but i miss him sometimes :')

i have! pets. i have 3 dogs and a cat currently, and i have 6 other unofficial dogs and a idk how many fish which are at my grandma's side :DD

i have! performed in front of a crowd, i was in a storytelling competition when i was 9 and 10, and then i learned to play the erhu when i was 12 and performed a few times :))

i have! fic wise, i also love by-moonflowers fics sm! T^T i read her tokyo ghoul au and i actually didn't have a clue what tokyo ghoul was, i looked it up on wikipedia before reading it djbfkdhdjd and her exes confront each other series was really amazing too. and im rambling but her jeonghan magic au, all the stars we steal, that was probably the first fic of her's i read and it hit something in me and i really wish i could read it again like it was the first time 😔 i really loved it sm. book wise, i will never forget jodi picoult's small great things. and also like any book reader, ps. i love you is definitely a favourite of mine :') it was so touching and i just genuinely really love that story.

i have! there's quite a lot of moments like that, but this one where i went on vacation in the mountains? we stayed at a very nice place. on the first day i was really tired so i slept til the evening, and when i woke up it was drizzling and there's was quite a breeze, so i sat in front of the open door of my room. in front was a swimming pool so i just put on some music and watched the rain drop into the pool. it was the most relaxed i had felt in a while and i wish i could go back :')

i would say i have! when we can talk anon off i'll tell you which one, but i really enjoyed writing this one drabble/oneshot and im glad other people seemed to like it as well :DD

and ofc i have! i met seventeen when i was pretty down, and i treasure them the most now. they helped me through a lot and really changed me and im really grateful to them

i wanna know your answers to these too! so, have you ever

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips?

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

the next mission is out dkhdkdhfj but i'll continue for now, would you rather (pls dont hate me after this)

only listen to seventeen or txt forever

spend a week with soobin or chan

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life

sign with sm or yg or jyp

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading)

i also suddenly remembered, but knitting is also one of my many hobbies :D

- 💎 anon loves you and wishes you a good day!

you can reply whenever you are ready anon. it excites me that we've been having a steady back and forth but sometimes life happens and you should definitely prioritize any other responsibilities you have!! i'll always be here 😌 knitting is a fun hobby anon!! i used to do that and crochet a lot too ,,, i should get back to it. what do you make?

before i go ahead and answer these can i just say how much i love that you personalized it?? that really means a lot to me <3 anyways~ here we go!! when we get to turn off anon i would love to hear some nct recs!! most of my irl kpop friends ult them and i'd love to get to know more!! and discord would probably be the best way to share because the asks just get longer and longer LOL (i love them)

drums yes!! i've been told that i look like i'd play the piano instead bahaha but i think drums are pretty neat :3 i also saw this person ask huening kai about band txt and he said soobin would play the drums :O need i say more?

thank you for your answers!! we definitely gotta talk more about them once we can chat on discord!! i loved reading them and they were just so lovely <333 for the last 3:

i don't think so? i have yet to be in a moment where i am completely lost in the energy - but the closest i've been to that level of peace would be the late nights where i'm playing my favourite music and about to drift off to sleep. i feel almost content, and sometimes wish i could stay in my dreams forever :3

my very first fic!! flights and feelings - i was writing it on a whim at 2 am? and i wasn't planning on posting it until i did randomly and now i am a tumblr writer :O

seventeen like you said! i don't think i would have made it through the rest of high school without them, and as of now they've been one of the things keeping me going :)

the next mission is out owo playlist making do i see? anyways onto these first!! how dare you write these anon my head is SPINNING

only listen to seventeen or txt forever ...seventeen, they're my ults!! but also because they have more music released atm, we have yet to see the amazing things txt have planned!! i wouldn't be surprised if i start ulting txt in the future as well :3 i...bought 3 of their albums a few days ago

spend a week with soobin or chan // WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEADACHE (moots please look away) soobin <3 i love them both very much but i think soobin and i will vibe more maybe it's my delusions THEY'RE BOTH MY ULTS and i'm scared of talking to both D: but soobin is slightly younger than chan so that's why i think he'd be easier to talk to T_T the thought of spending a week with soobin makes my head spin

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life // bingsu!! i would not mind that one bit :3

sign with sm or yg or jyp // as someone who is a terrible singer and dancer, i would not survive in either of these companies. however, under the assumption that i can do these things, i would say... jyp. i don't think there's an entertainment company that treats their idols completely right but out of these 3 i feel like i'd cry less in jyp. is kq entertainment an option? idk all the details but they seem to treat ateez okay, or maybe IU's company...again i don't know all the deets

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world // speak every language in the world!! it upsets me everyday that i'm not close to my culture because of this :(

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading) // i'd say maybe something unique!! it's kind of thrilling to always be looking for ways to improve on something you love <3 so i'd go with something unique...a photographic memory would be very helpful for studying!! but maybe i'd like to have a talent in making people smile!!

thank you for these questions anon!! i'm heading out to work now but i'd love to write you some more would you rathers later on :) i should have packed more questions into this reply but i really gotta go now sorry :( so instead just tell me how are you!! also i would like to know your answers to these ones!! you are very creative with these btw :3

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

would you rather:

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

be a master at something you love or something unique?

#💎#have an amazing day as well anon!#i was supposed to answer this last night but uh...something came up #when i get to speak to you properly i may or may not enlighten you on what that was #its nothing than what you think it is LOL #love & letter 💌

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catncake · 3 years

Text

So idk why im making this a tumblr podt instead of actually discussing this w my friends/therapist BUT

I think i have legitimate trauma abt the time i was an exchange student in japan

Ive started watching anime and tried to study japaneses again abt 3 times after i came back and it always comes to a point where, bc im having more contact w the lamguage, i start thinking in japanese. But then i also start remembering things ive done there, and things ive felt. And its unbearable. Its like those memories were buried, and digging them up hurts.

I start remembering the time i tried sharing smth i had made ij the cooking class w one of my classmates but it fell on the floor. So after a while threw it away bc it had fallen, but idk i think i made too much of a spectacle or too much noise and i felt like everyones eyes were on me. And like they didnt know it had fallen, so i was just throwing good food away yo them? And they looked so perturbed!! I felt so judged

Idk i cant even remember the friends i had there (and i didnt have many). I can only think of the horrible times my 2nd host family put me through, how i didnt have any support, how even the other exchange students didnt like me, how fucked it was that i was trying to understand and speak abt my gender identity in a totally different language that i didnt know. How scary it was to not be able to communicate well. How lonely i felt. Even talking to my brazillian friend everyday slips my mind sometimes. But i did that! Everyday for a year we sent messages and it was a life saver.

There was also the time i was on vacation from school and with my 2nd family. I had no plans and nothing to do and i ended up just masturbating a lot. It felt terrible. I was so scared of that family's mom. I liked the dad, but it felt like he had agreed to take me in without even consulting the rest of the family. He was nice and we would go out on weekends which was great. But i knew the others didnt like me. And i became a vegetarian at that time and they didnt make special food for me so i wasnt eating well. And i felt very uncared for. I know i wasnt the best kid at that time, and i was really unprepared to be there. But i want to forgive myself bc i was 15, and i was sad and lonely and scared. I didnt know so much and i just needed someone to take care of me. And the people who were supposed to didnt. Im sceptical of blaming them bc obviously japanese people have a different culture and 15yo there are a lot more independent than i was i think, but idk. If they were taking in an exchange student they should think there would be differences.

And it sucks that i get stuck on those bad memories and i forget the good ones too.

Like my first family was p neutral, but they took care of me, and i didnt know much japanese in the beggining so i feel like they rlly did their best. The 3rd one was also so caring. They cared that i didnt eat meat and they cared that i liked videogames and iceskating. I liked them. They wanted me to meet the rest of the family.

And right as i was getting more used to it, i had made japanese friends from my class and we went out and had fun, i knew how to say the things i meant, and i had to LEAVE!!! That sucked the most. I was just feeling comfortable and i had to back and do it all again. Get used to being in brazil again, and caring abt school again. And i had to deal w telling my parents i was nb, i thought i could talk to them bc no one in japan would even look me in the eye at times, but they still didnt take it well. It was SO much.

And i wish i could study japanese and do this things again bc its a great language and it brings me a lot of joy. But i have to deal w all these very old bad feelings too. Im calling this trauma bc it feels recurring and like theres a block in my mind. Like a wall that stops me from me going forward and acessing these memories without breaking down crying.

A recent one that just resurfaced is one that my 1st host parents were going to play golf and i asked of i could go and they said no bc it could be dangerous. And idk i feel like that was a mark for me. Me extending and trying to be included only to be shut down or denied. Thats were the loneliness came from i suppose. Theres also the summer camp we did w the other exchange students and how i feigned a crush on the spanish guy. He tried to kiss me and i didnt want to. It was so hard to understand what i was feeling. And i didnt want to disappoint everyone elses expectation of me. I was just 15.

Idk im glad im back in brazil with the friends i love and with whom i can communicate well. I wish i keep studying and learning japanese and that ill also make new friends through this language.

Anyway, ill make some pasta for dinner now.

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2021ssajka · 4 years

Text

Paintings and photographs

I have my fast mini paintings up all over the walls of my room hanging by a clip on a twine. I enjoy looking at them all together and being able to arrange and mix and match them all.

These paintings are where my photographs used to be. In the past I used to print our photos of me and my friends, family, memories in the Philippines and photos from our family vacations. This year I took them all down because I kept reminding me of the past that I no longer have access to.

Since the pandemic started and everything shut down, things have been very difficult for me mentally, emotionally and physically. I cannot be with my friends. I can't go to school. I can’t have my mini solo adventures in the city. I cannot go on trips with my family or friends. I'm physically stuck here and these memories are not helping with my trying to cope and accept the situation I am in right now.

This pandemic also took a toll on my personal relationships. After a while it has become difficult to be checking up on my friends. It had become difficult to check social media. It has become difficult to send a text. It has become difficult to nurture relationships when you cant even find the motivation to go on for the day. I dont know where to find that spirit to ask people how they are because I myself am not doing good.

This has never happened to me before. I am usually the one to check up on people and cheer them on but I cannot be that person this time around. I stopped going on social media. I literally stopped talking to all my friends and I disappeared this winter. I dont have it in my to be there for anyone but myself.

I'm also trying to grow out of these circles I realize Im depending so much on. During this isolation I found out that I only liked certain things (pop music) because of a friend I would hang out with. I didnt realize how much i'm absorbing because of other peoples interests and hobbies. I didnt realize I would live out a persona because thats the identity I made up with them. Its not that I have multiple personalities lol but these are the parts of me that are brought out by different people. Its actually very interesting to see.

Anyway, This is the only time I have ever been alone. I realize that I liked the peace and quiet. I didn't like rap songs. I didn’t like makeup. I’ve grown tired of tiktok and instagram that I stopped sending memes to people and I realized that this didn't really mean anything to me but I would scroll through the explore page everyday just so I can send my friends funny stuff.

The other day I was thinking that this is “the dust settling after the storm”. I felt like this the whole time I was caught in a tornado, trying to catch up with everyone and finally the tornado stops and all the dust is settling around me.

I can see clearly now. I know myself better now. I have learned to be kinder to myself and I love myself better now.

These photos used to remind me of the good times, all my good memories with family and friends. I have photos from the Philippines, and when my family went to Europe recently. I have Photos of my art fair every summer with my friends helping me out.

It became difficult for me to see that I had to take them all down.

This is me grieving. Grieving a life I could’ve had. I should be in college right now making more memories, making new friendships. I should be traveling after graduation and have the time of my life. I should have graduation pics up there with my cap and gown with my friends and family by my side.

But I can't have new photos up because I can't even leave my room. I can’t have new memories because people are not even supposed to be gathering right now.

These photos don't resonate with me anymore.

In every season of my life I would put up photos in my room and take down photos from the past season.

Live in the moment and treasure memories. I am a very sentimental person so I need a reminder everywhere I look of the things important to me and what I hold close to my heart. But this process also is how I accept change. The act of me taking down the photos is saying goodbye to the memories and keeping that in a safe space somewhere, making room for new ones.

I grew up. I felt like I had baby pictures all over my room. There are people I dont talk to anymore, People I dont see anymore. Its just a different time and I felt like I had alot of growing up since then. Someone asked me recently what I would title my 2020 chapter, and the words that popped in my head is “growing pains”. And that perfectly summed up this phase of my life.

As a result, my new paintings are my new memories. These paintings are my “photographs” of this moment. These paintings are my new memories of this moment. Me in my room painting all day everyday for almost a year now and I wouldn't really have it any other way. This is the most peaceful I have ever been and I have been so happy doing what I love every single day.

I enjoy seeing my growth in my art just how I used to see myself grow in photographs. They are all dated and signed just like pictures in the past.

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mendesstg-blog · 7 years

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1 - 200 I WANNA KNOOOW 😊💕

Took all day, but she answered mine so I’ll answer her’s ❤️

200: My crush’s name is: Shawn Mendes ofc 

199: I was born in: Wisconsin, USA. Date: Aug 26

 198: I am really: Passionate about music, caring, and shy until I get to know you 

197: My cellphone company is: Sprint

 196: My eye color is: Brown (sometimes hazel or green, but usually brown) 

195: My shoe size is: Depends on the shoe. I range from 6 to 8.5 

194: My ring size is: 6

 193: My height is: 5'1" (yeah ik I’m short but I like my height lol)

 192: I am allergic to: idk, but I have seasonal allergies

 191: My 1st car was: Haven’t gotten it yet

 190: My 1st job was: babysit I guess (if that counts) 

189: Last book you read: Sherlock Holmes

 188: My bed is: a futon at my dad’s and a normal bed (? lol) at my mom’s. They’re both comfy 

187: My pet(s): 1 dog, his name is Koby 

186: My best friend: Is amazing and I love her so much. She’s helped me through a lot.  

185: My favorite shampoo is: Head and Shoulders 

184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox 183: Piggy banks are: Cool. I still have one and I just emptied it for the Shawn Mendes concert lol 

182: In my pockets: don’t have pockets on my pants rn

 181: On my calendar: School events, vacations, college stuff, and weddings. 

180: Marriage is: beautiful when you see two people absolutely in love with each other 

179: Spongebob can: give me a crabby patty. Seriously. I’ve been waiting since I was 5 

178: My mom: Annoys me sometimes, we don’t agree on certain things, but I still love her.

 177: The last three songs I bought were: Havana by Camila Cabello, Kiwi by Harry Styles, and It’s a Vibe by 2 Chainz 

176: Last YouTube video watched: makeup videos lol 

175: How many cousins do you have?: 9 

174: Do you have any siblings?: 2 younger brothers 

173: Are your parents divorced?: yes.

 172: Are you taller than your mom?: We’re the same height by she argues that she’s taller 

171: Do you play an instrument?: Clarinet, violin, piano, ukulele, and guitar

 170: What did you do yesterday?: spent all day with my school’s marching band and ended up looking like neopolitan ice cream because i got so burnt

 [ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: idk 

168: Luck: yes 

167: Fate: yes 

166: Yourself: YES OFC 

165: Aliens: yes 

164: Heaven: yes more or less 

163: Hell: yes more or less 

162: God: yes more or less 

161: Horoscopes: idk, I occasionally read mine 

160: Soul mates: idk 

159: Ghosts: yes 

158: Gay Marriage: YES 🏳️‍🌈

 157: War: fuck no 

156: Orbs: maybe? Idk what they are 

155: Magic: idk

 [ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: depends. Hugs i guess 

153: Drunk or High: neither. You can have fun without alcohol or drugs 

152: Phone or Online: both 

151: Redheads or Black haired: both

 150: Blondes or Brunettes: both. Honestly hair color doesn’t matter 

149: Hot or cold: both

 148: Summer or winter: summer but like winter is beautiful too (i just don’t like shoveling) 

147: Autumn or Spring: both 

146: Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate 

145: Night or Day: both lol

 144: Oranges or Apples: apples wellllll oranges no both (IM SORRY FOR BEING INDECISIVE) 

143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 

142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds

 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:both 

140: Mac or PC: Mac 

139: Flip flops or high heels: Flip flops for everyday wear and heels for events 

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke 

136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA!!! 

135: Buried or cremated: idk

 134: Singing or Dancing: both

 133: Coach or Chanel: Coach 

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: idk 

131: Small town or Big city: Both 

130: Wal-Mart or Target: i like both but I shop at walmart more 

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler 

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure 

127: East Coast or West Coast: hard choice

 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: hmm 

125: Chocolate or Flowers: which ever

 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney only because I’ve never been to six flags 

123: Yankees or Red Sox: Red sox

 [ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: I think it is dumb. Fighting over cultural difference shouldn’t happen instead it differences should be embraced. Who knows how many different wars there will be in my future let alone my future children’s.

 121: George Bush: I honestly don’t have one

 120: Gay Marriage: Everyone should be able to marry whomever they love. Why does it have to be voted on whether they can get married or not? Just let them live, be loved, and be happy. 

119: The presidential election: It amazes me how he was elected. I am team Hillary. I have my opinions and you have yours. I respect that, but I’d rather not share mine. 

118: Abortion: It is 2017, almost 2018, and women still don’t have control of their own bodies. I’m pro-choice. Abortion should be given as a choice to women. My mom had an abortion before she had me because she was really ill. 

117: MySpace: haha never used it so don’t have an opinion about it 

116: Reality TV: yeah it can be fun to watch but honestly what’s the point? Everyone’s own lives are hectic too 

115: Parents: Some are great, some are bad. Some are controlling, some don’t care enough. 

114: Back stabbers: I’ve dealt with many of you, but it’s your fault that you lost out on a great friend. Hated you guys for a while because I thought we were good friends, but I’m thankful toxic people like you are out of my life. 

113: Ebay: is the shit. I got a crap ton of barbie clothes for my dolls when I was younger from there. Haven’t gone on there for a while tho 

112: Facebook: the go-to app for when parents are around. That’s the only most censored app I have that I go on when they’re around 

111: Work: wish I had one because all of my friends are making money, but once I get one I’ll wish I didn’t have a job so I can have more free time. It’s not like my parents will let me get a job anyways.

 110: My Neighbors: Never really talk to any of my neighbors at my dads or my moms. Pretty sure they get annoyed with how loud I play my music 

109: Gas Prices: i remember when it costed $5 or $6 a gallon. Please stay at $2.35  

108: Designer Clothes: hella cool but also hella expensive. Thankful for cute cheap stores because I’m about to be a broke college student 

107: College: thankful for the opportunity to get a higher education, but it’s always super expensive. If more jobs require a degree, why can’t we just make it more efficient to get a degree with less money? But that’s also too much to ask for 

106: Sports: I like watching it and playing it is also fun.

 105: My family: My parents divorced had me go through shit mentally and physically. (no they didn’t abuse me, their divorce was just difficult) I hope one day you two will stop acting like children and not beat down the other parent when we spend the night at your house. But I know it won’t ever end. I’m thankful my younger brothers won’t remember your divorce and they’re what keeps me going.

104: The future: I can’t wait to see what you hold. I can’t wait to go to college. I can’t wait to go into my career choice. I can’t wait to meet that special person. I can’t wait to start a family. I’m just excited for you [ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: An hour ago when I put my brothers to sleep

102: Last time you ate: idk 2-3 hours ago

 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in a while: a year ago 

100: Cried in front of someone: yesterday

 99: Went to a movie theater: 2 years ago

 98: Took a vacation: idk if you count it, but my school trip this past spring

 97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago

 96: Changed a diaper: 4 years ago

 95: Got my nails done: I think I was 7? Idk I do my nail myself now

 94: Went to a wedding: 12 years ago

 93: Broke a bone: never broke a bone

 92: Got a piercing: I got my ears pierced before I turned 1 and I got my nose pierced on my birthday last year 

91: Broke the law: idk 90: Texted: like 5 min ago

 [ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: my brothers or my best friend Kate 

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: Brothers or my doggo

 87: The last movie I saw: Boss baby

 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: going to college, interning, and getting a job in my career (Ik it’s 3 things but I’m excited lol) 

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to: Moving away from loved ones

 84: People call me: Mia 

83: The most difficult thing to do is: Forgive someone who hurt you badly. Like truly forgive them

 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never gotten a speeding ticket

 81: My zodiac sign is: Virgo 

80: The first person i talked to today was: My dad

 79: First time you had a crush: 5 or 6 and it was on Zac Efron 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: idk, maybee my best friend 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Yesterday

 76: Right now I am talking to: my internet besties ❤️ 

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: something in the music industry 

74: I have/will get a job: whenever my parents let me 

73: Tomorrow: I will get up early, ride on a bus for 3 hours, and march in a parade 

72: Today: I cut my hair short AND I FUCKING LOVE IT 

71: Next Summer: I will try to spend as much time with my bestfriend before we leave for different colleges

 70: Next Weekend: I get to spend with my best friend 

69: I have these pets: Beagle- Eskimo cross

 68: The worst sound in the world: whining when they don’t get what they want or smacking gum 

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: honestly whoever cries in front of me I will cry with them 

66: People that make you happy: Family, my dog, and my friends

 65: Last time I cried: yesterday

 64: My friends are: honest and caring 

63: My computer is: an old macbook pro but it still works and I love it

 62: My School: is full of fake people and drama

 61: My Car: Don’t have one 

60: I lose all respect for people who: lie, cheat, and treat people like they are less than them 

59: The movie I cried at was: I can’t remember but I think TFIOS

 58: Your hair color is: brown 

57: TV shows you watch: Shadowhunters, Raven’s Home, Jane the virgin, Riverdale, and others I can’t remember

 56: Favorite web site: Tumblr or twitter 

55: Your dream vacation: big city in new york with my best friend or toronto with my grand parents/aunts 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: during my parents divorce  

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare 

52: My room is: boring, cozy, and a little bit messy

 51: My favorite celebrity is: Shawn Mendes, duh 

50: Where would you like to be: Somewhere where I can say “I finally made it" 

49: Do you want children: Yes!! I can’t wait to have kids 

48: Ever been in love: I don’t think so 

47: Who’s your best friend: Some beautiful, crazy, weird girl named Kate i guess (let’s see if she reads this later) 

46: More guy friends or girl friends: I have more girl friends than I do guys, but I wish I had more guy friends 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: music

 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My grandpa 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: I guess yeah, but it’s very loosely planned 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no 

41: Have you pre-named your children: thought of names, but not planned them lol

 40: Last person I got mad at: idk 

39: I would like to move to: Cali, New york, by my grand parent in canada, and where I am now

 38: I wish I was a professional: something in music

 [ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: Sour gummy worms or cinnamon bears

 36: Vehicle: Jeep  or Range Rover

35: President: OBAMA

 34: State visited: Illinois or Florida

 33: Cell Phone provider: Sprint 

32: Athlete: Jose Bautista  

31: Actor: Rupert Grint

 30: Actress: Zendaya, Lucy Hale, or Emma Watson

29: Singer: Shawn Mendes or Selena Gomez 

28: Band: R5 or 5SOS 

27: Clothing store: Ross or American Eagle  

26: Grocery store: Walmart 

25: TV show: Shadowhunters  

24: Movie: HARRY POTTER SERIES 

23: Website: Again, tumblr or twitter 

22: Animal: doggies or dolphins

 21: Theme park: no clue 

20: Holiday: christmas 

19: Sport to watch: Baseball 

18: Sport to play: Baseball or volleyball  

17: Magazine: Vogue 

16: Book: The Mortal Instruments Series 

15: Day of the week: Friday 

14: Beach: Clear water in FL 

13: Concert attended: Illuminate tour (on Aug 6th, 2017) 

12: Thing to cook: Pasta anything 

11: Food: chicken alfredo or pasta anything or anything really I’m not picky 

10: Restaurant: Chinese restaurants  

9: Radio station: idk 

8: Yankee candle scent: idk lol that pumpkin one?? 

7: Perfume: Signature by Shawn Mendes or Bombshell by VS 

6: Flower: Pink hibiscus  

5: Color: aqua 

4: Talk show host: Ellen Degeneres 

3: Comedian: Jo Koy, Kevin Hart, or Gabriel Iglesias 

2: Dog breed: honestly any breed 

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?: of course 💕

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 54

I never knew or prolly forgot that people could get this dysfunctional when they get flu. I feel horrible oh my god! spent half the day in bed and then finally got some energy to arrange half of my room. Almost done with it but got bits left for tomorrow. So i appointed myself with an “eid break” till the end of this week so that would mean saturdays the last day. After that? well Id expect myself to start working out and studying and yeah if I cover these two everyday, I am free to do anything else after that! I wanted to start watching a series. I saw him blogging about ‘13 reasons why’ but i really dont think I want to watch that! The thing is i really had an interest in the series when it just came out and was planning on watching it prolly in the vacation but then as more reviews came out about it, i kind of didnt stay interested enough in it anymore especially because I came to know it has ‘sensitive stuff’. Things about rape and suicide and idk what not. I really dont want to invite negative vibes knowingly in to my mind. And the other thing about me is that I really really hesitate a lot before deciding on a series to start or a movie to watch. more of a reason why i end up not watching much series or movies. Its because I really really need strong recommendations and sometimes even after someone really sounding like i could buy what theyre saying, i end up not getting impressed enough so yeah! i mostly back off. But i was thinking of ‘re watching’ suits from the beginning. i kind of stopped somewhere in season 3 i think. the reason i stopped was because at some point i really didnt used to understand shit but i still used to keep watching it even after then for a while cause all the characters are so charming.

Anyways so lets get back to the flu. Omg, i cant smell anything, i cant taste anything. no appetite, really really really tired all the time. like i dont even feel alive at times ugh.

Also idk if my sleep schedules like fine or not. I mean tbh i sleep all the time anytime except for at night. like i actually feel really bad when i go to sleep at night i have no idea why. bad about nothing specific but bad about sleeping ‘-’ like not in a way where i think i should do something instead or smthn. but like idk. like its a sudden mood swing and i feel bad and also i cant sleep no matter how much i try. so i go to bed and im on my phone for awhile. and then i try sleeping for awhile and then back on my phone but i dont even have anything to do on my phone. i just open each social media one at a time, spend roughly like 10s each scrolling & scrolling and then lock my phone again and try to sleep.

I dont even talk to anyone so like whatsapp is pretty useless right now. messenger too almost. I mean messengers pretty cool to check when someone was last online. And well umm. ok lets not go there, i mean yeah maybe i sometimes check if he is online but like, so what! not like i knock him or anything! so yeah

yeah so using the phones pretty boring too. and also i hardly sit with my laptop. so yeah basically i spend the entire day taking short naps. but then again this is like just since 2 days i can say cause like i was in Makkah before that for almost 5 days. so maybe from ‘sunday’ which is like from when i am ‘thinking’ of being more of a human, Id change my schedule. as in id love to workout and study and THEN do whatever the hell i want. I dont think I can fix my sleep schedule thought as in sleeping late at night but bleh i dont really care much about it.

I also was thinking of reading the tafseer of the Quran. I want to start with it slow. Only then i think i’ll be able to continue it for a long time. But to start though inshaAllah.

so yeah to sumarize - FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU FLU SLEEP MESSED UP WEIRD MOOD SWINGS BORING BORING AAACHHOO *sneeze-sneeze-sneeze* ~

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leaflovescloud · 5 years

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July;

I’m so glad that I’ve got this small little place for me to express my thought once in a while. But this time, something is different. Because, I just broke up recently and we are no longer in a LDR anymore.

How things could change huh? The irony. few months ago I was still deeply in love with this guy but now things are not the same anymore. To be frank, I still very much love him and I wish we didn’t have to do this. I wish I could do something to save us, me, and him. But what I’m lacking at this moment is a leap of faith. I’m not sure if I can do it again. I’m afraid of being vulnerable like this again.

I still remember he said it to me, “It’s best if we just don’t talk anymore.” I affirmatively agreed to that because I know it’d best for us to move on even though I really don’t want to move on at that point of time. I couldn’t recall how hurtful it was, but then again, he just kept texting me. And I couldn’t complain that I found it annoying cos it’s not. It’s just that, it’s making my life harder to move on.

I can’t deny it’s extremely hurtful to me. So, me being not thoughtful and extremely spontaneous, booked my flight ticket to Chiang Mai. Many have asked, “Why Chiang Mai?” “Thailand is dangerous.” “You sure you wanna go alone?” But for some reasons, it’s gonna sound super cliche, but I really did/ do know that CM is the right place to go. The fact that I ‘ve never been to CM doesn’t really matter. I feel that at that point of time, my life been giving me signals and guidance to visit CM on July. So I did it and I really did it.

It’s cool cos it’s my first time travelling alone, abroad. I mean it’s not a big deal for westerner by looking at the digital nomad trends. But it’s extraordinary for a girl from a very Asian cultured family. But again, I just know I have to do it and I couldn’t worry more. Of course, I have my considerations before this trip, like will I ever felt lonely etc. But life is just more than that, it’s really up to us to direct where our sail is going. Sometimes, we really have to believe in ourselves and make sure we are open to many other opportunities.

So there you go, I was in CM! The moment when I landed at CM, I was trying to figure out how to use the Grab service over there. Being worried of getting scams by cab drivers and puzzled by the Thai words shown on my grab apps, I eventually made my way to Stamps Backpacker - where I stayed for 5 nights. Honestly, while I was planning for my trips, such as deciding where to stay, it’s kinda a big headache to me, As I was tight on budget, so I can only afford staying in a backpacker hostel. But then again, there are just so many choices but Stamps backpacker just caught my eyes. Apparently, it’s a social hostel and there are events everyday. So I just thought it might be a good way to know people around. So when I was there, I was just completely in awe, I wasn’t able to spot an asian tourist like me. It’s full of westerners and me being an introvert started to be anxious. I quickly settled down and went out for dinner. And that’s how I met Tom, an Irish-Australian. We talked for a lil bit and he ended up buying me dinner which I was extremely grateful. Then, I got back to the hostel, thinking of joining hostel peeps for karoke/ pub quiz. But I was still too shy to blend in. So, me being shy and reluctant to go back to my room, I forced myself to have a G&T by the bar counter and hoping that someone would talk to me.

There you go, I talked to Brandy and Andrew. They were super nice and we ended up hanging together by the nearby bar - Fat Elvis where you get to sing. And that’s my first time trying out Sangsom Soda that completely knocked me out after lol. We had so much fun and we head to BB bar for another drinking session again. It’s fun to drink with people that I’ve never met before, like the owner of the hostel, the hostel staff and others. It really was a break through to me. Cos I usually only mix with people that I find comfortable with and I always there is no need to know more people. And... as far as I remember, my night pretty much ended here. But according to them, I was drunk. So what happened thereafter, I seriously had no idea at all lol. But it’s pretty much a good night.

The next day morning was bad. Pretty much super hangover but still managed to wake up pretty early. I quickly washed up, and headed out. For some reasons, CM just feels like home to me. Like i’m not even afraid of being alone, I just know where to go. So I just walk for a lil bit, visiting the small alley and had lunch at a local food store by the road side. I really enjoy eating at a food place like this cos it makes me feel like im a local! Then I headed to this super small but cute cafe - Graph Cafe. The coffee is awesome but it’s like 100 baht lol. I’m pretty sure I’ve got other options there but well, i’m on a vacation! So, couldn’t care less. I was just resting and trying to recover from my hangover. Then I decided to explore around the Old City. So while I was walking, again there’s much Asian tourists to my surprise. But I was just keep walking without even referring to my maps. and there you go, I was at this temple - Wat Chedi Luang. It’s peaceful, not much people, the architecture was awesome. Essentially there are just too many temples around CM, but by far this is my favourite one. Just thought that it is authentic and connected to my heart. Then I had dinner alone as well. After that went to this Night Bazaar - Ploeen Ruedee. It’s amazing, I’m feeling the vibes over there. But well, it’s full of westerners again, so I was just having beer while listening to the reggae live band. Then I took a tuk tuk back to my hostel and I thought that’d be the end of my night.

Then, I couldn’t recall what happened but I guess, my hostel peeps were going to a Reggae Bar. and I met Andrew so I asked him if he’s keen and there you go my second night drinking again lol. Honestly, the night life in CM is really something, it’s not too crazy, it’s chill but it also gives you a nice kick that you need lol. We went to Spicy, Vegas afterwards. Pretty much night clubs hopping lol. and me being pretty much drunk again.

The next day, I didnt feel that much of hangover. I had lunch with Andrew at a local khao soi place. After that, I had thai massage by myself, and decided to visit Doi Suthep without planning. Well, fair enough, I came to CM without a proper planning lol. I didn’t really know what to do. I just settled accomodation and flight ticket - and I guess that’s what I need to worry about. So I figured out my way to Doi Suthep, and the views up there is massive. I’m not sure if it’s true but I guess the reason why i fell in love with CM is because it’s pretty much like Penang. But I guess Penang has got more the “city” vibes various CM is pretty much kind of laid back. Then I had dinner with Andrew and went drinking afterwards again. The dinner place was super good as I recalled.

Anyways, I think there are still a lot more to write about my trip. But well. I guess the main purpose of me going for this trip is that I want to find myself, I want to love myself, I want to look for an answer to my doubt. I pretty much didnt manage to get an answer, throughout the trip I think I got myself into another muddles too. But again, everything happens for a reason, I just chose to accept it. Cos whatever it is, it all happened under my control, or in other words, I allow it to be happened. So there’s nothing much I can do about it. I guess it kind of just changed my mindset for a little bit or may be I learned how to handle things like an adult and not to be too harsh on myself.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to break up with Jackie. Cos I was totally clueless. I was just keep on thinking is this break up a reality that has to happen? is this some sort of signal by God? They say when you win some, you lose some. I’m not sure if this is what I have to sacrifice. I’m also not sure if I’m being too spiritual. But I’m just thinking perhaps putting a halt in this relationship is the right thing to do as well. Cos for the past few months, I’ve been living alone and the fact is that I thought I handled loneliness a lil bit too well. in a way I felt that I’m too strong whereas in reality I just know that I’m not. Also, being away from him for so long sometimes also makes me a lil bit clueless as to how a normal relationship should be? what do couples usually do? watching movie and having meals together? I have no idea. But whatever it is, I don’t feel that it’s something that I should worry for now. Cos I just figured out that it’s a good time to be with myself, and solely by myself. There are some thing that I need to sort it out, need to understand my inner need and I really need to love myself first before allowing someone to come into my heart. Because I don’t think I can handle someone I once loved leaving me like this again.

You know, while writing this, I was just thinking if I was a tad bit naive back then to even start a relationship with him 2 and a half year ago. Even though I did not regret a single bit. But I just thought that it was still magical even till today. Unfortunately sometimes circumstances make things hard and unfortunately, at this juncture, we are truly defeated by the circumstances - distance.

Whatever it is, perhaps it is true that you can’t have it both ways in life. sometimes, things are just too good to be true. Right now, even though my heart is broken but it’s healing. My heart is full after my CM trips, my results - it’s my first time getting dean’s list, I’m getting a decent job/ car, so I really couldn’t complain more. So I want to be grateful and live my life properly by properly loving myself.

Also, I couldn’t thank Darren and Sim enough for accompanying me these days. they might not realize it but I just truly appreciate them.

“Without fear or favour.”

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imalostkismet-blog · 6 years

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When someone ask

Normally i dont want to tell anything when someone ask me " what happened to both of you "

but suddenly my mom asked, again *for i dont know how many times but i just always answered " ma were just not meant for each other "

not this time, even some of my closest friends dont know what happened to us but yesterday night im all out to tell mama everything *i guess being emotional made me emotionless and brave*

I said that at first, it turns out well, when after a long time of being together as best friends and then he confessed, it turns out well.. at first..

" i just woke up one day being incredibly happy because i have him "

but the very first month we were together he already cheating, i saw it with my both eyes and that was the first time i felt that pain *pain i cant describe, but i dont say anything i just did closed my eyes, literally blind by love

And it didn't stop there..

Again when im about to surprise him bringing some gifts because we barely seeing each other during vacation, even his house is far away i took the risk to go there without him knowing..

" and i saw him ma, holding a hand, but not my hand ma, not my hand "

i ended up going home alone shattered..

but I didn't say anything i just keep on being silent and tell no one, again blinded by love

and it keeps on happening

hes cheating and i know it..

blinded by how he cares for me, how he give me this long message always, on how he smiled, how many time he'll tell he loves me, how he turn everything fades away the truth that it was all a lie..

" until it already consume me ma "

during our ojt days at the ship i cried a lot, when it times to eat i dont, and thats how slowly watching him changing..

im Alone in my cabin that time when everything is eating when there's a loud noise from our cabin door, someone knocking it too much almost the door is breaking..

its him on his furious eyes.. then shout at me

" kumaen ka na don! "

i felt how angry he is, i got scared, he leave after telling me to eat, but i know what he is thinking, he want me to act fine cause everyone thinking bad of him because of me and damn ..

" i just now realized ma how selfish he is "

but still he didn't hear anything from me..

i still keep everything to myself

" that hes cheating me for not just once but so many times "

the day in the airport when were about to go home from cebu done with our ojt

thats when he told me, that heart breaking news..

" lets break up, lets just be best friends again "

he said it like it just a simple thing to say

" and what i did next is something i want to apologise to you ma, something i will always feel sorry to myself "

after hearing what he want

all i know is, im already on my knees, pleading begging him to stay, in the airport in a public place, in a place when everyone are already are eyes on me...

but he remain sitting and keep on telling me

" umalis ka na dyan "

he even throw my luggage

im block out, i dont see anything anymore that time even the people around me what i remembered is Francis one of my closest friends holding me already cause i cant walk properly asking him what Happened, he said

" you're been on the floor pleading for three hours ted "

There's no tear's that time my mind is somewhere i dont know, i remembered i dont hear anything just my heart beat crashing..

the next thing i remembered..

Im in my room, crying all day, all night

" and i tried my best ma for you not to witness me dying so i keep my smile whenever im with our family "

but whenever im alone the only way i could sleep is when im already tired from crying..

when the vacation got finished, im scared to go to school to see him, i dont know how to act im afraid im going to block out again..

but what happened is worst

he act like nothing happens, he treated me just like his best friend again..

" but im not totally fine "

so i remembered myself crying somewhere in school, and then thats when he shouts.. again.. telling

" tumigil ka nga! "

for so many times he always did that to me..

i thought .. its already the worst but i got shocked when he already holding my wrist pulling me out of our school with all his power that i almost fall whenever he pull me while were walking, the pain i felt on my wrist cause his holding it too tight.. bring me to the bus stop telling me with the his loud voice

" kung iiyak ka lang din sa school umuwi ka na! "

its not just once i let him hurt me emotionally and physically.. not just once..

i always go home with big bruises on my arms, almost every week i have that

" no ma its not because im learning how to drive motorcycle, im sorry ma i let him hurt me "

for almost two years we've been together as couple, everyday i miss my best friend wishing that if can just turn back time id rather choose for us to stay like that..

" but i love him ma, his my first love, hes the first one who listens to me, hes the first one who believes in me when no one else can, and hes not like that when were still best friends. "

even after the graduation he keep on contacting me whenever he needs me, whenever he find me useful.. putting me hanging somewhere..

" i let him ma, let him drown me with the imagination that he loves me "

Until i decided this should stop.. i grab the opportunity in Dubai to get away from all of that..

I got traumatized, when someone holding me at my wrist i got nervous thats why whenever someone suddenly holding my wrist i let them hold my hand instead.. in that way it makes me calm..

i cried secretly cause im afraid people only will shout to me if they will saw me crying..

i always blame myself even i dont do anything

i always say sorry cause i feel i always did something wrong

" i got scared and i always longing for hugs that i never experienced when im with him, and thats when i realize the importance of it, it makes people fine even a second of hug "

thats when i always give people a hug, cause i know the feeling, wishing one day someone will hug me tight to put all the fears away..

when im in Dubai i found myself there a version of me i didn't met in my whole entire life.. thats when i started embracing her every flaws and scars that past made to her.. a whole new me .. tho i still have breakdown moments when everything consume me, beach and sunrise always saved me

" thats when i forgive him and i forgive myself for loving him and letting him to hurt me "

im fine now .. i moved on already but still i have the scars he made, i still got scared..

" im sorry ma all i can say im sorry "

she hugged me without saying a word but i know shes crying

*damn its been a long time no one hugs me i want this feeling forever i feel safe

- im keeper i literally keep everything

- im a keeper i always do my best for people to stay *even they gonna leave me anyway

- im a keeper dont leave me just let me disappear *its less painful

0 notes

cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog · 6 years

Text

Was this insurance agent being rude?

"Was this insurance agent being rude?

So, there is a new insurance agent and I recently got a new car. Anyway, I was asking her if I could get a lower monthly payment on my car of $91 or so. My supposed payment is $105. She said that the only way that I can pay $91 is if I enroll in life insurance and get more coverage. Well, I declined, and she still has hassling me on the phone on how it will benefit me. Well, I don't plan on doing any type of life insurance. I'm in my 30's, I'm single, no kids. I don't even have life insurance through my work. I told her that I'm not interested in it, but she then proceeded and asked, Do you even know what a beneficiary is? I told her Yes. She then attempted to persuade me to put my parents as a beneficiary-ok

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/can-someone-other-than-owner-get-vehicle-inspection-sticker-mays/"

0 notes

infnthoya · 7 years

Note

Hello my favorite Howon stan!!

he really needs all the love he can get from inspirits Also I would like to thank you veeeeeery much for that sweet reply I got from you in June!!!! I never got the chance to properly express my gratefulness, so I am doing it now ^^. I was feeling pretty sad at that time and your words were exactly what I needed to hear, they made me smile and gave me courage to believe in my boys and their choices Also, please remember that you deserve all the pretty things in the world and if you ever feel like life is hard on you, just know that I am sending all my positive thoughts towards you and that you are never alone

GAHHHH MY FAVORITE ANON!!!! I HAVE BEEN IN A WONDERFUL MOOD THANKS TO YOUR EXTREMELY SWEET MESSAGES 💜💜💜 IM SO SO SO THANKFUL TO YOU AND ITS ME WHO DOESNT KNOW THE REASON WHY AN ANGEL LIKE YOU HAS FOUND ME!!! Your words ALWAYS lift me up! You give me strength, you make me smile, you warm my heart everytime you send me a message so i cant thank you enough seriously, no words could be enough to tell you how much i appreciate your presence 😍😍About Howon’s departure, i somehow had prepared myself for it. Maybe becuz i always expect the worst scenarios, i had always thought about him leaving. Even before those ‘everyone renewed contract except one member’ news came out. And… im actually happy because like you said, he is capable of so many things so im just very excited to see him show us more than he could ever done as a part of a group, under the control and restrictions of a company.I have been writing him almost everyday for a while. Becuz his silence was making me feel worried. i was also going thru a pretty bad time back then (as you already knew and supported me greatly💜) that i didnt even want to go on tumblr so i thought that him staying silent might have meant he was going thru a hard time as well. I was guessing he would read our messages but i guess yesterday he wanted to make some of us cheer up a little becuz he thought he hurt us 😭😭😭 you know he is the type who always carries huge burdens on his shoulders so it must have been too hard for him. Im glad he got rid of that burden now. And im also verg proud of the Inspirit fandom for receiving the news in such a nice way. I was scared they would bash him and had i seen sth like that, id teach them a lesson or two! (Tho a friend of mine told me there were some stupid comments but i havent seen any personally)I totally understand why you and everyone else feel in despair tho. It really isnt easy to see OT7 become OT6. We all thought they would at least reach a decade together. But i wouldnt blame the boys even if they disbanded. Because i want them to do what they wanna do the most.You know what honey, i really believe that he will go to Poland very soon! I mean after some time passes and all this hype slowly dies down, im sure he will go on a vacation to take his time to relax and Poland would definitely be in his list of places to go 👍 And YES please tell him a little about me when you get to have a long talk with him 😁😁😁 you are always so sweet to me also very funny i just wanna squish your cheeks and hug you till you hate me hahahhaa 💜💜💜💜You really dont ever have to thank me baby! I LOVE talking to you and im glad that i could make you feel better! You can talk to me/ask me about anything, please dont ever hesitate to write to me. And PLEASE PLEASE STOP TELLING ME ALL THOSE THINGS THAT I DONT EVEN DESERVE 😭😭😭 im not that nice PLEASE JUST… ahhh im speechless when you write such extremely sweet things to me. You express yourself very nicely but here i am saying the same things over and over again 😭😭 i really dont know what i did to deserve you and your wonderful wishes! You are the true angel here for being so nice and i hope that all your nice wishes and prays will find you even more 💜💜💜💜💜 i truly think of you often and hoping that you are okay. Whatever the things are that keeping you busy, i hope they are the things that you enjoy doing. Dont stress yourself over anything okay? Whatever you are going through, i know you can do it perfectly so dont ever rush things and be easy on yourself *hugs you tight* 😍😍

#Polish anon #anonymous

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endangeredbrownguy-blog · 8 years

Text

THE END.

"They say that you cry when you leave your home and live at another place.But,they never said that the another place can be your home too." (Eyes blink,Self doubt off the charts,slaps himself)If only all these cheesy line came out in front of the girl I like...Damn it! Here...let me tell you all a story. Once upon a time...A boy was tugging at his mother's legs and crying.(Call for a more depressing start...)The boy didnt want her to leave him at an unknown place which had little boys as himself as toilet gate keepers and also an unlimited amount of unfriendly faces.They boy was never close to his father so his father hadnt come to see him off...as far as the kid remembers.His mother tried various things to make her son right where he was,Well she at last succeeded when she gave him a packet of Potato chips and a Choclate bar.The boy made immediate friends with a boy of around the same age when the other boy asked for some of his delicious chips.(Kind as the boy was,he poiltely refused to give any of his special treats,but they became friends anyway...) As the boy finishwd his choclate by stuffing half of it in his face & the second half on the ground,the boy cried again and called for his mum to look at the dropped choclate,but she was already out of sight.The boy started searching frantically for his mother,up the corridors,in the stinky hell known as toilets...the toilet in his home was so good compared to that and the boy even searched the shadiest corners around.(Thats how the boy discovered half of the place before any of his other colleagues even came in) "They just cant leave me here..." The boy thought,He had heard that they were going to put jim ina hostel where he'd be all by himself,but he never belived in that baloney.He didnt even know what a "hostel" was.He gad heard from his elder cousins that a hostel was a terrible place where little kids are sent to get deisciplined,but all kids end up getting bullied and also...worst of all everykid had to have their own back.GUESS WHAT? The kid loved the idea!!! Now you see,running away from his parents for a vacation was all what the kid ever wanted!Again...he didnt even know what "bullying" meant.He was even delighted to see all the stuff that his parents were buying for him for his "vacation",all the things which he wasnt allowed to touch or put in mouth of course...heh heh. But,stepping back down to Earth,He was now all alone with unfriendly faces staring at him like he was going to be their next meal.The boy ran to a corner of the humongous building.The infamous place called the "undercroft corner",he didnt even know what that it was called the "undercroft corner" that time and again...whats "undercroft?".The boy wanted to hide there all night ,but he came out after half an hour when he realised that he was alone,miserable and worst of all.Hungry as a street dog.He saw faces of older looking people relived when he appeared in front if them.It was the first day and it started then and there.The ever so loud scolding from the wiser old people.Well...did the young boy recieve a slap on the very first day? I dont remember,maybe he did...The first day,first boy to confront the teachers. BIG PLANS WERE AHEAD.BIG PLANS... As the story goes,the boy fell in love with the huge buildings,the two tall towers also popularly known as the 'College front' went on to become his first crush.(Not that the Boy ever fell in love again...His first non-human crush was soon forgotten as he used to see her everyday...he must've got angry one day because he was the one who always did the talking & she never replied.)Making fifty friends new friends in one day is not easy I tell you,the ego of people are bigger then the solar system...but the boy being of around seven to eight had no problem in doing so,not that all the others liked him,but he did get to know a good amount. As the years passed by the boy who looked more like a street urchin because of bathing only twice a week rather then being scrubbed everyday by his mom when he was at home,or maybe some other reasons,the boy didnt know.His life was like a roller coaster ride,twists and turns and ups and downs,various bbkooper but he managed to hold on throughout the ride without throwing up.Well,in real life he was never allowed to ride on a roller coaster,his parents thought it was far too dangerous.'What if the cart breaks? What if the breaks fail?'He used to watch in silence as his cousins had the fun.He made 'the face' at his parents when his counterparts came back from the rides and didnt talk to anyone.Well,thats actually a totally different story for some other time.As the time passed the boy started to become well...a bigger boy,only by size they say,that the boy still had the mentality of a seven years old.But he didnt care,he now knew why his elder brother's C drive was always full,why his father behaved stupid and funny when he drank the thick brown licquid and why dod he cough when he put that white thing in his mouth which burns at one end and then you inhale the stuff and smoke comes out of your nose amor mouth,well his dad did that too so...it was not the boys fault. Not that I know any of this stuff.🙈 The boy went through many different phases and situations when he was in school.He learnt many peculiar things like... Happiness came im the form of washed clothes. The one who goes to the toilet with you across the football field with you even if he doesnt want to go at night is a real friend. A fully functheavenand clean'bog'or toilet was gift sent from heaven Unplanned stuff was the best ans planned stuff never cease to happen. All of us had low ambitions and high expectations. But as the years passed,firends became memories to hitohe cursed the school so much that is the walls really had tears they'd have commited suicide and GOD,yes,how could he forget the almighty.He cursed and blamed God for all his misfortunes and bad luck,but never remembered him at his good times.He thougjt so highly of himself that he never felt the need of any education.Practically this was his 'cursing' age also popularly known as 'Adolecense'.This is also a friendly reminder to kids who are reading this not to curse and kick everything between the age of 12 to 16 years.(Well,now you are cursing me now great.) Anyways,by now you might have surely guessed who the little boy is.Yes thats me.I am Vipul Garbyal and I write stuff for my blog and desperate school magazines,and today is a rreall special day for the boy.Its the last day of school for him.Who came in as a little senseless kid and is now going back as a grown up senseless kid.Thia story is a little awkward,emotional,bugged up thing to write,because the last day of school is a cocktail of nostalgia and curses and depression and a lityle bit of the sentimental stuff.(For us bromance,I'm straight.peace✌) Well my journey of ten years here at Sem cant be jotted down in some pages.(lol,because I just did.Yeah Im a Hypocrite). Id rather call my bond as a relationship with my school.I just understood this place so well that it git me here for all my childhood. While the others made notes in the Classroom,we made memories. They said its their school,We said its our home. They said they'll return here,We said we'll be buried here. (Ok,that one was a little bit too much.I dont even know why Im saying 'We' even Im not going to do all that stuff. P.S:-It should be noted that this was actually written on the last day of sachoo and I have a major exam tomorrow.This...thing was written in one hour,varying emotions and memories helped me to shape it while many points still missed out ot turned out to be good.(I guess) Till next time. Toodles.

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