#anyway if I had a nickel for every game that made me cry over an ai the past few months

[lemonbaristas]

Miwako sawatari on god we gon get you outta there

[allykakamatsu]

Playing XC2 if you played Torna first is a very different experience

Aka, a rough list of all my reactions to things that I shouldn't of reacted to on a first run cause I played Torna first-

(Note, I played both games for the first time years ago, this is just a recreation of my reactions.)

(Chapter 1) Aww Azurda has new adopted human and this one calls him Gramps that's adorable!

meeting new Torna for the first time Aww it's a cute Gormotti girl-! Why is Malos here-?! JIN WHY ARE YOU WITH MALOS WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!

Okay so Malos has a blade now, checks out given that his core is probably wrecked after what Mythra did to him but I guess Aegis's can be Drivers now.

JIN WHY DID YOU STAB A CHILD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?!?!

Oh, so Pyra is Mythra's new self. She seems sweet but I want my sassy girl back.

(Chapter 2) Yay Gormott! Glad to see it's not burned to the ground anymore.

If I had a nickel for every time Brighid attacked us thinking we were criminals I'd have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's funny it happened twice.

Why isn't Pyra's fire affected by the water- oh is it cause of Mythra?

Oh, so Mórag is Brighid's new driver. Should've figured that out sooner but they're a cool looking pair. Wonder where Aegeon is though.

(Chapter 3) Hey Cole's scar kinda reminds me of Minoth, wonder what happened to him.

In between my tears over what just happened MYTHRA'S BACK FUCK YEAH!!!

(Chapter 4) Addam why the hell are you wearing a cloak you weren't wearing it in that scene.

MYTHRA I GET THAT YOU'RE UPSET AND PROBABLY STILL DEPRESSED OVER MILTON I AM TOO BUT I'M SORRY!!!

Wait.... COLE WAS MINOTH?!?! Jeez man what happened? I know you said you were a failed Flesh Eater but I didn't realise that meant this...

Also Minoth man, I love you but I think old age has made you senile why the hell are you sending us to Amalthus?

get's control of Mythra YES!! And omg her specials are her old arts that's adorable!!

Oh so this is the 'Evil Tifa' I've heard people joke about- wait.... MIKHAIL?!?! MY SON?! Okay this means you survived whatever the hell Amalthus did that's good, but it's been 500 years how are you still alive regardless? Also he's evil now which is bad but at least he's with his dad Jin.

WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FIGHT MY SON GAME?!?!?!

Okay upside, Brighid's back at least and yup she's still awesome. And her specials are her old arts too that's still adorable.

Haze my babygirl you're back-! Wait, Fan la Norne? I'm with Mythra on this one when did that happen? And why is half of your core gone?

(More under cut)

(Chapter 5) Okay yeah I'm doubly with Mythra something happened to Haze and I am concerned.

Okay I can see why Addam picked this place for the Tornan refugees this place is beautiful.

Wait, Zeke's the Prince of where? I have not heard of Tantal before, is it new or am I forgetting something? (it was in-fact, relatively new)

in the same tone of 'Dinkleberg' Amalthus..... I can't prove it yet but you're the one behind Haze's missing core aren't you?

YES!! REX!! AMALTHUS WAS MALOS'S DRIVER DON'T TRUST HIM!!

Jin, I again ask what the hell happened to you?

Empty Moment- OH GOD THAT'S HIS LEVEL 4 I DID NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT THAT FELT LIKE AAGGHH!!

Jin what are you doing- HAZE NO!!! JIN I KNOW HAZE HATED AMALTHUS AND HE PROBABLY DID SOMETHING TO HER BUT WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!?!

after I'm finished crying Oh, hey Aegeon, was wondering when you'd show up. And that's the Emperor of Mor Ardain? Aww, he looks like an even more baby Hugo-! Wait... Hugo.... oh no.

(Chapter 6) Niall what are you doing no no no-! NOT AGAIN!!!

Okay, Nia, thank you for stopping history from repeating itself.

The Tantalese are descendent from Addam, that can't be right Addam went to Leftheria-! Zettar started this, didn't he?

No tier lists I don't care if Aegeon sucks I'm gonna use him anyway because I am biased.

'Cadet Branch of the Royal Family' Yup, Zeke is descendant from Zettar, RIP my man having to be in the same bloodline as him.

GAME WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME FIGHT MY SON AGAIN-!! WHY DOES MIKHAIL HAVE A CORE CRYSTAL?!?!

Pyra Mythra no no no you two aren't just made to destroy don't go with them no no NO!!!

(Chapter 7) Ah, so this is where Addam hid the third sword. 5 minutes of gameplay later I can see why he hid it down here, this place would drive anyone mad.

Is this what it feels like to be on the receiving end of Addam's talent art? Cause all these reinforcements have to be equivalent to being perma toppled and launched with how long this takes.

Addam drop the hood already.

Malos you fucking bastard when I get my hands on you....!! Jin you can stay but you're on think fucking ice pardon the pun.

YES!! REX GIVE THOSE GIRLS THERAPY THEY NEED IT!!!

(Chapter 8) You know, I'm pretty sure most people picked Pyra here calls Pneuma Mythra but I am not most people

YAY!! I can play as Jin again! And he is somehow even more overpowered than before!

Jin why are you lying to Brighid, she's more mature but she's otherwise the same.

Jin... ate.... oh... I should've.... figured but.... oh god.... I just thought loosing Lora messed him up but having to eat.... yeah between that and Amalthus no wonder he's like this.

Torna......

Aww, nice Jin's still in there, he let us go and told Brighid the truth.

(Rest of the game cause I love it but I forget the chapter markers) So.... um.... Jin I'm glad you were able to find love again after Lora but why did it have to be Malos? Like this is weirdly sweet but this is a weird progression.

AMALTHUS I KNEW YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MESSED WITH HAZE MALOS YOU ARE OFFICIALLY PRIORITY 2 THIS BASTARD DIES FIRST!!

Okay that's how Mikhail survived this long so I guess Amalthus was good for one thing.

No no no no no no no- MIKHAIL!!!!! Why.....?!?- Oh god they're showing the scene where he met Lora and Jin again GAME WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?!

Okay I wanted to help Jin and stop Amalthus anyway but now I'm doing it for my baby boy.

Don't worry Jin I've got your back. THIS IS FOR LORA HAZE MIKHAIL AND EVERYONE ELSE YOU BASTARD!!!!!!

...... J... Jin...... chapter 9 is living up to it's name because I was a rainstorm of tears after this

Malos for Jin's sake I don't want to kill you anymore can you please stop- damn it!!

Never thought I'd be sad to see Malos go but, here we are.

Pyra, Mythra, what are you- no no no no NO!! POPPI I KNOW YOU'RE KEEPING YOUR PROMISE AND WE HAVE TO LEAVE BUT LET ME GO I HAVE TO SAVE THEM!!!!

bawling crying until the two come back and the tears become happy tears Heh... thank god....

[icharchivist]

hi icha!! I just finished the anniversary event lol ,, three ヽ(´▽｀’)ノ for mankai!! (yes that’s actually what cheers on my phone autocorrects to). ummm I think this event was so sweet. I don’t have too much to say since a lot of it reviews stuff that had already happened and if I talked abt every a3 character moment that had gone in since the beginning I would never bc able to move on with my life. so this’ll be disjointed.

I liked how everyone got izumi a present individually and how they surprised her with the message book and she surprised them back! it was so sweet and izumi performing all of the plays they did was so good… like man. felt like it rly demonstrated her passion!

this is also the second time I’ve seen some other game localized ad red rover, a game which I’ve also never played. two nickels! (the first is for eng translations of poker face ft. gumi and prod. yuchaP that translate hana ichi monme to red rover)

rly loved the re-mention of citron wanting to leave bc he was being followed. runaway prince. also guy seems like he’s successfully followed him,, and tenma!! him being like. well I’ve got the best guys and izumi to back me up… even if they’re sometimes annoying…. no, they’re ALWAYS annoying as hell. and tenma trying to pick out a cute sticker from yukis collection as yuki thinks of how he used to get made fun of for having his collection… yeah. the way yuki and tenma BOTH have a moment where they go like … in the middle of bickering and r like. well I’m thankful this guy is by my side. it’s sweet.

I also forgot muku gave up track and field bc of an injury!! that rly sucks… in other thoughts muku joined the troupe right after spring which makes perfect sense since he loves princes so much I think the fairy tale style of spring troupe would appeal to him so much! whenever muku gets his prince role it’ll be an Moment for sure.

the banri and juza filling out pages was fun I think. the way they introspect as each other does their page is a neat detail. also izumi supporting juzas acting growth will never not warm my heart. I like to think she sees herself in him just a bit. sakyos message was so sweet…

the best part of this event I think is the interplay between roommates like. tasuku and tsumugi fondly reminiscing over like elementary school or whatever. and tasuku only submitting a “thank you” at the end for that! that’s so. Him. also gosh. tasuku and tsumugi’s gratitude towards like being able to act as they wish and with each other… it gets me every time

”I was taught to lie low and recover my stamina when I’m weakened” uhhh here’s a hisoka quote I don’t remember. more assassin points. and azuma talking abt him as a kid observing everyone having fun from a distance… don’t be so relatable. I’m glad that we saw sakuyas message in full! since it was so sweet. guess we saw tasukus full message since it was so short lol,, that’s abt all I had to say! just one event left

YOU'RE ON A ROLL!! HI THERE!!!! omg you're really getting closer in closer to act 2, that's so much help.

The Cheers event really was very cute!! it's a lot of reviewing but after one year of content it's really sweet to have a review of it all. It's so so good. On this event there was a SR for every single characters and the backstage are a little more detailled about how each character feels about Izumi and stuff and it's honestly pretty sweet. It's where Hisoka gifts her the cat pillow and i still have been crying over it ever since.

ANYWAY. THEM!!!!

I honestly love how everyone really wanted to thank Izumi and it shows also the impact she really had on their lives. When you think most of them ran into the theater by chance, none of them would have expected just how much this would change their lives and now they're growing in ways they would never have imagined and it's so much. And i love Izumi giving it back and performing all the plays, it's really so sweet and i'm just, so happy everyone was so happy about it.

and ooh that's so cool about the localization :ooo so nice.

YEAH Citron's whole deal being reminded is really neat imo, it really shows you just how far he's come by accepting staying here with everyone. THE TENMA BIT IS SO CUTE YES. He loves them so much he forgot for a second that they annoy him ALL the time. (on that note there's a series of backstage called the "One Day Leader Swap" (you can search for them) for each leader where they have, well, what it says on the tin. All of them are really funny, but i esp remember how Tenma's was soft because he had a pretty good experience, then came back to his troupe being annoying and yet he still smiled and went "well. I wouldn't have it any other way." and it's just. Them being annoying isn't a bug it's a FEATURE!!!! And god the Yuki bit too it's so much. When you remember how much they didn't want to room together too it adds a layer.

And yeah god, Muku… He mentions in the summer first chap that he wanted to be a track runner because it was like a hero of one of his manga and he was always bummed when he had to quit and now he has to cheer on his old team, probably feeling guilty of not being able to still be there and helpful for them and probably adding to his anxiety to not being able to keep up with acting… Poor sweetie. Instead he found something that really helped him. And yeah, the fact he just loved RomeJuli so much being what inspired him to join is really so sweet. Cheering for our sweet prince, always.

Banri and Juza's were indeed very sweet, and the fact they introspect that way does bring this layer of their growth being interwinded. Especially Banri who wouldn't have been there without his obsession with Juza and ended up finding something that makes him so happy instead of it all. All the messages are lovely.

Tsumu and Tasu are so cute on all of this sobbbsss. They're so good.

And oh boy. yeah Hisoka says that line when he's having his fever at the end of the Winter first chapter. It's because of this philosophy he got lured to the unopening door and why Izumi and him got locked here until Hisoka had his delirious dream about apologizing to "August" for something Hisoka has done. The next morning Hisoka didn't remember anything about this fever dream, including what he commented on for his stamina and stuff. It's really indeed… very worrying at least.

And god the Azuma line; bites fist that guy. man.

And SAKUYAAAAAAAAAAAA BABY.

The whole thing was just. so nice. I love them all so much. Events usually focus on a handful of people so it was nice to see all of them just, talk about how much all this time there was good to them. It really drives home just how much of a home this whole family became.

I love them so muchhhh 😭😭😭😭

Congratulation on getting this far :3c

Valentine's Magic next. And then. Ooooooh boy. :3c can't wait to see you back there eheheh

[adrian-the-lonely-writer]

Transitions

A fluffy 'Dean WinchesterXTrans!Male' Reader one-shot where you had come out to Dean, and Dean decided he's going to do everything he can to support you.

“So,” Dean began. His heart was pounding. He rather be facing any number of ghosts and ghouls to avoid fucking this part up. Hell, he’d even take a few demons over this. Anything over these tense emotional moments. Still, he was glued to the bed, hand holding yours. He loved you. He wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of helping you.

“Y-yeah?” You stumbled over your words. You had no idea how your boyfriend was going to handle the news. Tears were threatening to fall over your cheeks as you kept your eyes glued to the floor.

Dean swallowed. Dammit, his brother mentioned something like this in the past. Why couldn’t he remember now? “Well in that case, I suppose we better get you some comfier clothes. C’mon.” He stood up, offering his hand to you. Looking up, you saw that same smile dance across his lips, the same smile you fell in love with. “Wouldn’t want my boyfriend to be uncomfortable.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you jumped into his arms, relief and love washing over you. Dean just chuckled, quietly as he shifted to wrap his arms around you, squeezing you against him. “Thanks Dean…Thank you so much.”

“Of course. You have a different name you like to be called now?”

“Y/N now- I uh, kinda picked it out when I realized I just-”

“Y/N is perfect babe.” His lips left a light little peck at your nose. “C’mon. Sammy’s with Bobby looking for another job, let’s take the day to get you feeling as good as possible, hm? I just had that great poker payout-”

“I thought that was for silver bullets-”

“Pshh. I can win another game or too.” Dean went to smile, but it quickly drooped into a frown. “Your clothes...do they make you feel-” He tried to find the right word.

“Dysphoric? Well I mean a bit. I didn’t exactly have time to choose great clothes when I ran off with you Dean.” Before you could even finish your sentence, Dean was digging through his duffle.

“I was going to drop them off somewhere, they feel a little small.” Dean grinned, poking his head back up. In his hands were an AC/DC shirt and an old pair of jeans. He even pulled out his spare hunting boots. “Might not be the most practical all the time, but we’ll get you some stuff today.”

You tried not to cry once again.

Few minutes later, you found yourself wrapped up in your boyfriend's clothes, in the passenger seat of the car. AC/DC rang out through the speakers. You couldn’t help but smile.

“You...really don’t mind Dean?”

“Mind? Why the hell would I mind?”

“Well you were into me as a-”

“I am into you, period.” Dean smiled a little. “Masculine, feminine, It makes no difference to me. You are still you. So, clothes we’re doing. Not half assed Walmart clothes either, we’re gonna get you some good hunting gear.” You couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that. “Masculine fake IDs from now on, easy enough. Anything else you need?”

“At the moment, I’m not sure...I kinda like what Sam does with his hair so I don’t think I’ll cut it off yet. It isn’t as long as his at the moment anyway.” You giggled at the scrunch in Dean’s nose at the mention of his brother.

“Cute guy with a ponytail never hurts either. Ah. Here’s the shop.”

“Dean this is a mall-”

“Yeah, sporting goods, including guns, bullets, as well as various clothing stores to get you what you need. Plus crowds to blend into. Malls are great Y/N.” He turned into the parking lot, picking a spot somewhere in the middle. “Plus, the impala doesn’t stick out too much here.”

Dean slipped out of his side, opening the door for you before you were even unbuckled. His calloused hand still felt tender as it grasped yours tightly, pulling you towards the store.

Your boyfriend was right after all. The crowds were seamless and the selection would be much greater.

“I’m thinking, we hit the sporting goods store, get some food and supplies. Take our time with it. Then just meet up with Sam and Bobby for the job, sound good Y/N?”

“Sounds perfect Dean.” Your smile was glued to your face as you leaned against his arm walking into the shop Dean had picked. “Is this where you got all your flannels and things?”

“Most of em, yeah. Why? You like that one?” He winked as he saw your cheeks turn a little pink. Sure, you loved the flannel. It made you feel more you, it also smelled like the man you loved more than anything.

“Well it’s nice and warm and-” You tripped over your words again. “Just really nice hunting clothes ya know? Like durable enough you have some protection, it’s also warm enough for nights but I can always open it ya know.”

“Great. So a couple flannels. Some jeans that won’t trip you up. Shirts.” Dean guided you to the clothing area of the store, whipping out his cellphone.

“Dean? Something the matter?” He doesn’t often look at his screen with that much concentration.

“Nope. I was just looking at a size chart.” He matched his screen to a couple of the tags. “These your colors?” He held out some forest green flannel and a black shirt.

“To start with, yeah! Although lighter colors are still nice. I don’t want anything thinking I’m your little brother if I match your style.”

“My style is functional and timeless. Plus, if I had a nickel for everyone who thought Sam and I should-” He scowled as you laughed. You couldn’t help but pick up those books when you saw them. Plus, as prank wars broke out it definitely gave you an upper hand.

“Alright, I concede your style is wonderful Dean.”

“Damn right it is.” He smiled a little. “But I get it, c’mon. Let’s walk around and see what catches your eye.”

The two of you scoured the store from top to bottom. Dean’s arms quickly became laden with fabric as you both approached the fitting rooms.

“Find everything you need sir, and-?” The guy in charge of the rooms spoke.

“Sir.” You introjected. Your heart rate spiked a little. Dean’s hand rested on your shoulder as he nodded to the cashier, as if confirming what you said.

“Of course, right this way. Here is your room, sir.” Without batting an eye the cashier escorted you back to try on your new wardrobe.

“Give 'em hell babe!” Dean called after you, taking his seat. He fiddled with his phone. Sam had finally convinced him to upgrade, and this one had a camera on it.

Quickly, pulse racing, you put on the first outfit of clothes, and slipped outside to model for Dean. Your nerves subsided when met with that goofy grin of his, and you couldn’t help but match it.

“You look amazing.”

“I feel amazing.”

“Wanna try more?” Dean snapped a photo. “That’s gonna be my new cell wallpaper.” You stuck your tongue out to him, a look he cheekily returned.

You went through this a few more times. Different mixed and matched outfits and hunting gear. Dean flirting with you every time you slipped into his sight. Soon you had a week's worth of clothes, with some extras to wear during a wash. Eventually you made it towards the food court, carrying the bags. You both went immediately to the burger stand and sat down.

“Fucck~” Dean’s eyes were closed in bliss. “I forgot how amazing these burgers were.”

“God we ate at gas stations so much I had forgotten food could be juicy.” You were devouring your burger as ravenous as Dean was. Oblivious to the look he was giving you.

Dean just smiled, chewing as he looked at you. It had only been a few months since you were traveling with him. Demon blooded kid like Sammy, you wanted to be able to help. Truthfully you were thankful they accepted.

Dean sometimes kicks himself at night for almost saying no. He had fallen for you, hard, the first time you rode in the back of the car. The way your eyes lit up as his own music started to play. The way you got along with Sam. He had fallen hard. You were perfect in his eyes now as you were then.

“Dean?...” Your voice was quiet, head against the window. After eating Dean had loaded you and your new things into the impala before starting to make your guy’s way to Bobby's place.

The excitement of the day had driven your eyelids to a close by this point. The soft rumblings of the engine were lulling you to sleep. Dean’s hand found yours once more, with a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah babe?”

“I love you Dean…”

“I love you too Y/N.” His words were the last things you heard before finally succumbing to sleep.

Dean drove on, hand never leaving yours. He had found the best boyfriend in the world, and he intended to keep things that way.

[thesmokingguns]

Phone Tag

Word count: 3512

Requested: “My idea was that the reader thought Kelly was cheating on her on tour, and when he comes home, he finds her really upset and comforts her and assures her that he only loves her”

Requested by @littlemisscare-all

A/N: I just want to thank @littlemisscare-all for the request and letting me message her about questions I had. Kelly Nickels is a new character I’m writing and she was patient with my questions and so helpful. This is a little longer than my usual one shots so I hope you like it. I have three requests I need to write on top of my regular stuff I want to put out so feel free to make a request but I’m going to say the time might be up to a week now. I also have a tag list you can be added to by just messaging me or filling out the form. Please let me know what you think ❤️

Tag List: @thenobodies-inc , @littlemisscare-all , @agroupiewhore, @ayablackwood

Ring, Ring, Ring

The constant sound of the phone trying to connect with room 828 was filling my head. The high pitched sound bouncing around your mind as you wished he’d  pick up. After another minute of the phone going unanswered you hung up, wiping my sweat filled palms on the denim dress hastily.

You could see your fingers trembling, the anxiety of the situation coming out in physical ailment as your trembling hands started to get numb. You shook out your hands, flexing them, cracking them, pushing them together, anything to just calm yourself down enough to feel them again. Your heart was beating so fast that it felt like it had turned on its engine and got lodged in your throat when it pressed the gas. You couldn’t swallow down the pounding so you tried instead to take a gulp of air. Breathing in through your nose and out of your mouth. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Even though you felt like you were not getting enough air when you breathed through your nose you continued anyway trying to calm your body that seemed to be fighting you.  You were trying anything to try and stop the full fledged anxiety attack from coming on.

You stepped back into the store, trying not to make eye contact with your friend and coworker as you started to fold the sweaters  on the front side table. Your hands needed to stay busy as you tried to avert your eyes from anyone, tears pooling in them. You couldn’t think about the situation or you’d start crying. But fuck, it had been almost a week since You had heard from your boyfriend. Your hand went to my pocket, pulling out the ripped out notebook paper Kelly had given you with the name, date, room number and phone number for each hotel. He was supposed to be in Phoenix in room 828 at the Hilton Hotel. Which you had already called seven times throughout the day without any response.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your coworker touched your shoulder and you let out a sob, hands flying to your face. The feeling of someone touching you after the last month of being alone was too much. You broke feeling the loneliness blanketing over you, covering you. Your coworker was leading you to the breakroom, thankful no one was in the shop to see you have a complete mental breakdown.

He had promised you that you would talk every day; he had seen the nervous look in your eyes when the guys talked about the tour. All the girls that would be throwing themselves at the band. They were all about the three fundamentals: sex, drugs and rock n roll. How were you going to compete with something you weren't there to see?

“Jesus Fucking Christ, where the fuck is that paper?” Kelly was tearing apart the tour bus looking for a yellow piece of legal paper that you had written down all the numbers to call you on. He had lost it a week ago after he had drunkenly started a shot game with Phil that night and that had proved to be a horrible mistake.

When he had woken up, on the kitchen floor of the tour bus, a hangover so bad he wanted to fling himself into the highway all he could think about was calling the person that he loved and telling her about his night. The sound of her voice coaxing the hangover out of him and filling him up with the love she had for him. He had pushed himself off the floor, grabbing his cigarettes from his jacket and digging in the inside pocket for the list of numbers, but the paper was gone.

It had been six days since he had lost the numbers and as much as he tried to remember a phone number he couldn’t even think of one. He had expected a phone call to explain everything but the problem was that phone call had never come. This was just another layer of frustration that Kelly couldn't figure out. For the first few weeks of the tour he had gotten the calls at the hotel but a night before he lost the number the call hadn’t come in.

So now, being the very logical, even headed, and not complete maniac that he was, Kelly was tearing apart every single part of the tour bus. Ripping open trash bags, pulling apart beds, and crawling under the table that had a weird sticky substance underneath. As he pushed half drank beer cans aside he saw the flap of yellow sticking out. His heart leapt to his throat as he snatched up the paper, flipping it over and groaning audibly. The paper had gotten saturated. One number was partially visible with only a couple numbers melting together.

Walking off the tour bus he headed over to the payphone, setting a handful of change on the metal bottom as he started to dial different combinations of the number hoping that he could finally reach his girlfriend. Hoping that her lack of calls to him didn’t mean they had broken up or what if she had met someone else? She did have that fucking girlfriend who didn’t like him. What if she had gone out to The Roxy and met someone else?

He gripped the paper so hard in his hand as the phone rang and he thought of you with someone else. He needed to talk to you,

You were walking home, unable to work as your mind went a million miles a minute. Your heart thumping so loudly that your own thoughts were muted and just scenarios were popping in your head. Images of Kelly with his arm around another girl, disheveled hotel rooms with discarded clothes, his lips worshiping someone else's body. You stopped on the sidewalk closing your eyes, fists tightening as you told yourself not to scratch your arms. It was all in your head. This was all in your head and not real.

Another shaky step towards your apartment. Your eyes were on the payphone at the end of the block and you figured you could try one more time to call the hotel. Maybe when you heard his voice it would put out the fire of your mind. He could calm your anxiety, easing you from the panic attacks it caused and draw you in with the safety of his voice. He must have known how crazy you were going and when he finally talked to you he would have a logical explanation for why he had disappeared.

As you convinced yourself that he was going to answer this time, you could feel the burning bile in your gut start to be put out as the rational part of your mind tried to make a little room for you to have hope. The way your hands trembled as you took out a dime, sliding it into the slot and dialing the number, let you know that the temporary band aid your rational side had put on your anxiety wasn’t going to stick for very long. If Kelly didn’t answer it was going to be ripped off and you’d be left with the exposed wound that you would need to deal with..

Ring...Ring...Ri-

“Hello?” your heart caught in your throat, and you could feel your eyes widening as you heard a voice answer the phone on the other end, “Hello, is anyone there?” The very female voice that was answering the phone was not your boyfriend.

“Kelly?” his name left your lips, almost a whimper. All of the worst situations that you imagined could be happening in your head seemed to come to life now. It wasn’t just in your head, a woman was answering his hotel phone.

“Ohhhh, they’re in the shower. If you call back in an hour-” you hung up the phone. It took you four tries before you could get the receiver on the cradle because the shaking in your hand was running through your entire body now. You tried to crack your fingers, a weak attempt to get some control of the motions of your body.

In the shower. If he was taking a shower at 4pm what was he washing off of himself? Who was the girl who had answered the phone? Had he not answered because he had been so busy with her all day? You dry heaved in front of the payphone, sucking in air when nothing came out. You wanted to go home and hide, burying yourself under blankets until the weight of the sadness lifted. Not that you were sure it was ever going to lift because you had just caught him cheating on you.

It was a miracle that you made it to the apartment. You dropped your keys twice, your hands not working how they were supposed to. Your grip on them slipping and letting them fall through your fingers. Had you let Kelly fall through your fingers?

You hissed out a curse, shouldering into your apartment and locking the door behind you. You were off of work tomorrow so you could stay holed up inside the apartment for at least twenty four hours before anyone would think to call. That gave you time to wallow in your emotions and feel everything you needed to feel.

Looking around at the space it dawned on you that you would need to leave. Separate your things and get out of the city before he comes back to it. Which didn’t give you enough time at all because he would be back in two days for the LA show at the Whisky a Go Go, Where were you going to live? Maybe you could find a roommate or you could always stay with your best friend. She would let you in. There was so much to do and so much to figure out but you needed to lay down and figure it out from the comfort of the bed.

On the way to the bed you tripped over the phone you had kept beside it for the past few days hoping for Kelly to finally call you. You looked at the phone hanging off the hook, knowing if anyone called you they would just get the busy signal but you didn’t hang it back up. Kelly was too busy in some hotel room with a strange girl and he hadn’t bothered to call you in a week anyway. You needed to just get in bed and mourn your relationship. You’d move out tomorrow and start a new life without him.

Kelly hung up the phone, looking at his apartment phone number that the girl at the shop had just given to him. He had missed you by twenty minutes and from what he had just heard you were in bad shape.He sucked in his bottom lip as he dialed the home number. He would explain everything to you as soon as he had you on the phone. He could already picture you asking him if he had at least won the drinking game.

“What the fuck?” He looked at the phone when he got the busy signal. It had to be the right number. He had repeated the number twice to make sure that he got the correct number and now he was getting a busy signal. He dialed again, getting the same alert sound. Then again. And again. He stopped after constantly calling for ten minutes to take a breath. He was going to need to have a beer and try again.

He tried calling twenty minutes later, an hour, three hours, and before he went on stage for the show. His mind was thinking of how you could be on the phone for that long. He frowned as he grabbed his bass going over to the band's manager. He needed to get home sooner than the tour bus would take him.

You got out of the shower, wrapping your sweater around you over your nightgown. Your eyes skimmed the apartment where you had spent the last four hours cleaning like a maniac and separating everything. Your records were in a milkcrate by the door, along with a trash bag of all your clothes. Things like pots and pans didn’t seem worth fighting over. You would leave those for him. Even though you weren’t even sure if Kelly knew how to fry an egg.

Twirling a piece of hair around your finger you tried to calm the uneasy feeling filling you. He had been the one who hadn't answered your calls or called you. He was the one who had a girl answer the phone in his room. He wanted you to leave but he didn’t want to see the hurt he caused by telling you it was over. Your friends had all warned you about dating a rockstar so it wasn’t like you could expect much sympathy from them. But you had been with Kelly for over a year and hadn’t seen it coming. It felt like you were blindsided. To love someone so much had really just opened you up to the pain you were feeling now.

Moving to the bedroom you looked around the room, the pit of your stomach turning in sadness as you thought about this being the final time you sleep in this bed. The tears boiling up and tumbling down your face as you sat on his side, touching the pillow that he slept on. You could smell his aftershave and scent on his pillow just making you cry even harder. The feeling in the pit of your stomach growing as you missed someone who was gone.

Over your tears you didn’t hear the sound of the front door opening. You were wrapped around a pillow mind racing in a thick fog of all the reasons you weren’t good enough. Why couldn't he love you? Could anyone love you?

“Y/N, baby, what’s wrong?” Arms were wrapped around you. You were being pulled onto a lap, hair pushed away from your tear stained face.

“K-Kelly?” It comes out weekly, almost afraid you’re hallucinating arms wrapped around you, fingers touching your tears, pushing the puddles that gathered on your skin with an expert flick of a thumb.

“Yeah, baby, I’m here. What happened? Why are you so upset? Who do I need to fight?” He was trying to defuse the situation with humor to drag you out of your hysterics. But he was the one that had gotten you to this place.

Sitting up you pushed yourself off his lap, a frown forming on his face from this action. You could feel the way your hands were starting to go numb as you wiped your tears, knowing there was going to be a confrontation with him.

“I called you for a week, Kelly. I called all the numbers multiple times a day and you didn’t answer. You didn’t call me back.” The way he frowned at this didn’t go unnoticed by you. You took it as a sign of his guilt. He had been ignoring you on purpose. “And I called this afternoon and a girl answered from your hotel room.” He stood up suddenly shaking his head.

“No, no, no.” You rolled your eyes at his weak attempt to lie about the fact you had spoken to a girl that was in his room, “Oh fuck, we didn’t even check into the hotel today. I was on the tour bus looking for the list of numbers you had written down for me.” He was digging into his leather jacket pocket looking for the yellow paper. You were trying to process what he was saying.

“But they said you were in the shower when I asked for you.” You said with a frown, trying to process what he was saying. It would be easy to believe him, tryst him blindly and forget all the drama but there were so many things that just weren’t adding up. He produced the yellow list holding it up with the missing pieces and wet pen running into a blurred mix of ink.

“Call the hotel now. I’m obviously here with you. Maybe they heard you wrong?” He knew you needed real proof. He looked at the phone on the floor that was off the receiver, “I tried to call you today. I guess this explains the busy signal.” He moved to hang it back up.

“I called you and you didn’t answer all week and you didn’t even call me once.” You pointed out. “You’re on tour with all your horny band members and I’ve been out with you all before.” You didn’t want to ask him because you knew that he would answer you honestly. He couldn’t lie to you, even on little things he was always 100% honest. Which you had found out one night when you tried on a new dress and asked how you looked and he had told you the dress looked like a rejected extra from a Cyndi Lauper music video.

“I lost the phone numbers when I was drinking with Phil one night. It took me a week to find them on the bus.” He confessed. That story seemed pretty on par for who they were, “And are you asking if I was stupid enough to cheat on you?” At the words you went white, gripping the sheets. Kelly took in your reaction and knew that’s exactly what you were thinking had happened. “Listen, Y/N.” He moved over to the bed gripping your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs and giving him a soft smile, “I love you. Just you. And I wouldn’t do anything to ever lose your love. I spent a week trying to find a paper just so I could hear your voice. I was waiting for you to call all week, baby. Why didn’t you call me?” The soft way he spoke was melting the ice in your veins, calming you with the right touches and bringing you to the current situation happening in real life and not just in your head.

“I called you so much. I called all the hotels that you told me to call. But you never answered me.” You pointed to a crumpled up ball on the nightstand. Watching him grab it and smooth out the page of numbers.

“Oh shit.” He rubbed his chin and looked up at you with an almost embarrassed look. You knew exactly what that look was. He had made a mistake, “So, um, these hotels are out of order. I must have copied them backwards because this one.” He pointed at the last hotel you had called today. “Should have been here.” He pointed a few up and you sighed in relief. The tears still came flowing out but this time in relief, “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry, baby.” He reached out, folding you to him. Your body was relaxed, allowing him to calm you with his back rubs and head kisses. Comforting you by holding you in his arms and reminding you that he loved you with his touch.

“I’m sewing my name and our telephone number into all your clothes tomorrow.” You muttered after a little while. He chuckled, kissing the top of your head.

“Next time, just come on tour with us. That way we never have to worry about playing phone tag.” You nodded your head listening to his heart beat. “We’re going to have to spend tomorrow morning unpacking your stuff. But I do respect your commitment to cut ties so thoroughly that you organized the records.” He got the laugh out of you that he was looking for. You sat up, shrugging your shoulders.

“I was just looking for an excuse to steal your Bowie records.” You teased him. He scoffed, pulling you to lay down beside him.

“I flew back here to be with you, Y/N. The least you could do is not threaten to steal my records.” Kelly pulled you close to him. “Do you feel better now that I’m back?” The concern in his voice warmed you to the core. You nodded your head at him. “Now you know you’re stuck with me and how wrapped around your finger I am.” You sighed out softly, eyes heavy as you felt like you could finally get some sleep after having a week of anxiety dreams and panic attacks preventing you from getting more than a tossing turning sleep for the week.

“Maybe next time send me a postcard to let me know you love me.” You said through a sleepy haze.

“Maybe I’ll train carrier ducks to send messages. Or learn how to do smoke signals.” A smile slipped out as you cuddled closer letting him lull you to sleep with his soft touches and soft mutters. He loved you, you could feel it. And that was all you needed

[roleplay-abiogenesis2]

Torture sentence starters

Send me one. Let’s get dirty.

“Oh god.. Oh please, god, no!” 

“Please… Please..! I’ll do anything..!!” 

“P-please.. Please don’t..” 

“Anything but that.. Please, please! Stop!” 

“Stop? Why on earth would I do a thing like that for?” 

“We’re having so much fun!” 

“We’ll have so much fun, you and I…” 

“Look at the new toy I got for us to play with!” 

“Shut up! Shut up!!” 

“Oh please.. Like I haven’t heard that one before…” 

“If I had a nickel for every time someone begged me to stop… I’d be fucking rich.” 

“Ooh, look at that. Look at all the blood. Amazing, isn’t it?” 

“Let’s crack open the hood and see what’s underneath, shall we?” 

“You know what I love more than agonized screaming? The sound of people choking on their own blood. Very satisfying.” 

“If you beg, I might just stop… Maybe. But only if you’re sincere.” 

“Beg me, you stupid whore! Beg me to stop! Come on!!” 

“Go ahead – beg for forgiveness. God’s the only friend you’ve got down here. ” 

“Shut up or I’ll wrap your intestines around your throat like a scarf.” 

“Ha ha! I love it when they scream!” 

“Keep going… I love the sound of your voice.” 

“Stop praying! There is no God here.” 

“Shut the fuck up!!” 

“Let’s play a game, shall we? It’s called, ‘how many of your organs can I remove before you die?’“ 

“Alright, here’s the deal… Since you scream every time you see me – let’s just remove your eyes, hm?” 

“Has anyone ever told you how good you look in red?” 

“Beautiful… Absolutely beautiful…” 

“I’m not going to kill you… But I’m going to make you wish I would.” 

“This is what you get! This is what you get for hurting me!” 

“Do you like rats? I hope so. Because we’re going to play a little game with one that involves your stomach, a container, and an open flame.” 

“Have you ever heard of abacination?” 

“You’ve got cavities back there, you know. Why don’t remove those pesky teeth for you, hm?” 

“Wake up! Can’t have you passing out on me.” 

“I won’t scream.” 

“I won’t tell you anything.” 

“There’s no way I’m gonna tell you shit.” 

“By the time anyone finds your body, they won’t be able to identify it.” 

“No one is coming for you.” 

“You won’t get away with this!” 

“People will notice! They’ll look for me!” 

“Stop, oh god, please! Please stop.. The pain..!” 

“You’re insane!” 

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing – I’ve got a medical degree, you know.” 

“Shh, don’t cry. Don’t cry.” 

“No tears now, okay? Everything will soon be over.” 

“Stop! Please, stop! I’ll tell you anything! Just stop!” 

“Tell me – how does this feel?” 

“I hate you! Oh god, I hate you!” 

“Fuck you!” 

“Fuck off!” 

“Oh, what a mess you’ve made…” 

“You look like a mess.” 

“Chin up, kid. It’ll be over soon enough.” 

“I’m just going to borrow a few fingers, okay?” 

“Could you lend me a ‘hand’? Yes? Oh good. I was planning on taking it anyway.” 

“Shut up, I’m not going to kill you. You don’t deserve that kind of mercy.” 

“You know why you’re here.” 

“Own up to what you’ve done and maybe you’ll leave here alive!” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?!” 

“Please! Someone help! Anyone! Oh god.. PLEASE!” 

“Not that – anything but that! P-please! PLEASE, NO!” 

“Let me go. Please.. Please let me go…” 

“I’ll tell you anything you want! Just please, please stop!” 

“I’m not going to break that easy.”

[cornwaiidesu]

a boohoo-y deep dive into my ~psyche~ cuz I had A Moment at work yesterday :P

I care too much about what people think of me. plain and simple. I have been this way since I was a little girl. my cousins would pick on me because I was the special baby girl out of the three of us and they were the two older boys. they would pick on me for being shy and soft spoken and liking girl things, and I wanted them to like me because I thought the two of them were the coolest boys in the world, so I grew to be a little tomboy. I wanted to like fighting games, and anime, and comics because those were "boy things".

but then when puberty started to set in, being a tomboy wasn't cute anymore. at least according to the bullies I had in middle school. usually boys who would call me a d*ke and make fun of me for wearing baggy t-shirts and loose pants and my dad's army jacket every single day of my life. "girls are supposed to be feminine" so obviously something had to be *wrong* with me and they would speculate shit about me directly in front of me. try to engage me in the conversation just to rub it in and of course that made me feel like shit.

so then in high school I try to flip the switch again. I start wearing tighter fitting clothes. I grow my hair out because I was constantly being dogged on my hairstyle even tho that shit was kind of REVOLUTIONARY FOR A 12 YEAR OLD LIVING IN IOWA. PROPS TO TEENAGE MRH. even back then I was a little punk. :3c I digress tho.

the beginning of high school was when I started my curse that lives on in me. I wear earrings every day of my life and I do because I convinced myself back then that I would be mistaken for a boy otherwise. and I still hold that fear because it was upheld! I started wearing dresses and skirts to school, but it didn't matter because dudes would still flip me shit and say that I was a predatory lesbian and strip me of my femininity. adults would still call me young man and sir despite being a 16 year old wearing make up, denim skirts, earrings, and covered in beaded necklaces. I would wear SO much jewelry to try to get it through people's minds that I was a girl.

but then through that came another weird thing where, like, though I was dressing ~feminine~ I was still "one of the guys" because I had a crude sense of humor and still liked comics and anime and wasn't as, for lack of a better word, "delicate" as my other (white) female friends. but then AGAIN I *couldnt* be one of the guys because it was a secret special task force essentially and I was just a stupid girl.

a lot of that fucked up my sense of self with my sexuality growing up too. I knew at a fairly early age that I was bisexual even though I didn't know there was a word for it, but I didn't want to admit to liking girls because that would mean my bullies were right about me, and if they were right about that then what if they were right about all the other horrible stuff they said about me being hideous, and gross, and weird?

because! if that was right too! a boy would never fall in love with me and have dance sex with me like Johnny and Baby do in Dirty Dancing! or would never save me from being sacrificed like Rick saves Evie in The Mummy! I'd be alone forever because boys would think I was big ugly butch with no value to them, and girls would think I was a predator and would always have to be on their guard to make sure I wasn't gawking and fawning over them. (and let's not even GET into how my religion fucked up my sense of morality about this. I have since grown out of it at least.)

every person I ever confessed to having a crush on has turned me down (mostly politely though, thank god) in my life except for one and a half. (one said they also liked someone else as much as they liked me, and since I had no self-esteem at 18 I was like "oh that's cool. let's date anyway." because I just wanted to have a boyfriend. that's the half.)

the other we kind of connected right away, whirlwind romance for me, but I don't think they ever quite felt the same way and that ended in an actual divorce anyway.

I've had three "relationships" my whole entire life and no more than that, and in my head i told myself thag was because I am fat, and ugly, and MASCULINE, no matter how hard I tried to be sweet and charming and pretty.

as I've aged I've learned about the systematic de-feminization of black women since all the way back to slavery times and shit and I won't claim to be an expert about that shit but it makes me cry that it's just ingrained into people's minds. it doesn't give us a single fighting chance from birth. it makes me feel like I'm going to be a lonely freak for the rest of my life because iowa is like one of the whitest places in the world, and my own internalized racism has convinced me all my life that I don't belong in black spaces because I'm not "authentic", I'm watered down. I've been called a half-breed and an oreo so many times.

I can't be black, I can't be white, I can't be a boy, I can't be a girl. I'm a copper penny in a jar full of nickels and dimes. I don't look the same, I'm not the same shape, and im not as shiny.

though I am attracted to women I have this OBSESSION with men, and to have a relationship with a man as PROOF. SOLID PROOF. that I am a valid woman, because there seems to be no other way for me to get the point across. and it's important for me to get the point across because I grew up with my business being the punchline, and curiosity of my peers, and the concern of my family. I couldn't exist without speculation from someone.

and then came a moment last year while I was at work, where a co-worker told me something that a person in another department who I did not get along with had told them. that I was a mean, jealous bitch who wanted them "out of the way" because they were getting too close to my friend that also worked at our store, and I was obsessed and in love with her and trying to stop a relationship from forming between the two of them. and it made me sick to my stomach. it was the thing I had been trying to steer clear from, from the moment I knew I was bisexual, but I hadn't tried hard enough. my anxiety shot through the roof. I had a panic attack. I broke down sobbing in the bathroom. this person was vengeful, I had nothing to do with them or that friend anymore, and I hadn't for months but they wanted to spread this rumor about me. and even if I truthfully denied it like I did, it didn't matter, because a person could take one look at me an think "you know, I can see that." because that's what people thought my entire fucking existence.

I cried off and on the rest of the day. I was too sick to eat dinner. I barely slept. and then I ended up puking what little food I had to eat that night anyway. I still barely ate the following few days I stayed home from work because I still felt so sick to my stomach with anxiety and at one point I got faint-ish when I had finally returned to work, and had to have help to get to the breakroom and force myself to eat. I bawled to my step-mother about it all, that I didn't feel comfortable at work anymore because it was just my words against theirs, and my bosses never held the person accountable for any of the other bullshit that they caused anyway.

it took me a VERY. long time to move past this incident. I think the only thing that ever ended up fully distracting me from it was covid and my uncle and my father's health both taking a turn for the worst last June. and even then, in between, I had such loooow moments. I self harmed and wrote mean notes to myself, stayed in bed for days. I wrote my own suicide note just to feel better, even though I knew I'd never do it. I was too chicken, but I just wanted to write it and pretend, just to release the depression pressure in my brain.

I've since been better for the most part. I know my parents love me and that I'm important to them, when just a few years ago I used to claim that I was an orphan because I was convinced that my father and my step-mother never cared to see me again because I was an ungrateful brat. I still get very lonely and long for a significant other but I'm kind of just coming to terms with the fact that unless I put myself out there, it won't happen, and im just too insecure to take the steps.

yesterday though, just for a second, out of nowhere, I thought about the claim that person had made about me even though the atmosphere at work has since changed, and things are patched up between me and my friend.

that gossiper is irrelevant now, but I couldn't help but have a little meltdown about it anyway because. like. apparently that's the vibe that I give off. because that's what everyone has said about me from day one of my life. and. I just. have to keep dealing with it. I'm stuck like this. and it sucks. and that little thought about it reminded me again.

[ofravensandgenesis]

OC Quiz

Tagged by @amistrio​ and @stvnningstrike​ !! Thank you for the tags in this fun ask game!! :D ♥ Tagging anyone who wants to be tagged, go forth and tell us about your lovely OCs!!!!

—————

Deputy Joshua Rook

————— Asked someone to marry you? - Innocent.

Kissed one of your friends? - Uhhhh, innocent...? What kind of kiss are we talking here, because if we mean cheek kisses or something like that then yeah, guilty, but if you mean a proper kiss on the mouth then pretty sure innocent. Well. So long as we’re counting people as friends that I’ve known longer than the lifespan of a mayfly.

Danced on a table in a bar or tavern? - Innocent.

Ever told a lie? - Guilty guilty guilty, it’s a marvel I have a single pair of pants left, rather than all of them burning up in one of Sharky’s bonfires.

Had feelings for someone whom you can’t have? - ...I mean, yes. It’s a crush, I’ll get over it. Guilty.

Ever kissed someone of the opposite sex? - Innocent ish if we mean strictly me being the one to initiate the kiss. Platonic affection kisses guilty, romantic or sexual kisses innocent. If we’re including being kissed by someone of the opposite sex, guilty then.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? - Guilty on all counts.

Kissed a picture? - Does it count as guilty if I was five and it was for art time? It was an effort somewhere between painting and cleaning all the paint off my face. If no, innocent otherwise.

Slept in until 5pm? - Guilty and then some, I’ve slept at weird hours before for night work. [coughs.]

Fallen asleep at work or school? - ...guilty on rare occasion, I try not to though. Sleepwalking, you know how it is.

Held a snake? - Innocent which is unfortunate, snakes are cool animals man. I’ve only seen them in pet stores and in documentaries.

Been suspended from school? - Ehhhhhhhh, technically innocent as I was not actually suspended. I was threatened with suspension if I was found to be acting out again. So I made sure to not get found out.

Stolen something? - If I had a nickel for every item I’ve stolen, I’d have a small fortune. Guilty as hell.

Done something you regret? - Guilty again. We all have regrets, don’t we?

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? - ...innocent, I hadn’t thought to try this yet, why am I living this far up north where it gets freezing cold and snows if I’m not going to do these things. I’ll have to do that when winter next rolls around. If I can, anyway.

Laughed until liquid came out of your nose? - Innocent. That sounds uncomfortable.

Kissed in the rain? - Uh. Guilty? It was an out of the blue surprise and I wasn’t expecting it. Nice though.

Sat on a roof top? - Guilty. It’s nice up there.

Kissed someone you shouldn’t? - Innocent?? Who would count as “someone you shouldn’t kiss”? ...maybe guilty? There was that one time I gatecrashed a party to, uh, avoid a close encounter with the law, shall we say, as a teen. Was yanking my hoodie off to try to blend in and change my look when I ran right into this guy—real cute, real surprised, but that left no time for me to really hide though. So I panicked, pulled him out of the way, and sprang a surprise smooch on him. I apologized after the coast was clear, but he was...ahem, more than fine with it. Ended up sticking around to talk to him. Nice night, nice guy, honestly. Rory's his name. We still talk on the regular.

Sang in the shower? - Innocent. I think.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? - Do lakes count? Guilty if so. Blame Sharky and Pratt. Hurk helped.

Shaved your head? - Personally innocent, though others have given me a really close cut as a kid on occasion. Didn’t much care for it at all, then or now.

Slept naked? - Guilty. Sometimes summer got too damn hot and clothes were overkill because there was no air conditioning. Thankfully I make more than enough to afford AC now so I don’t melt into a puddle during a heat wave—or turn into an icicle up here in Montana during the winter.

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - Innocent. I’d need to have an S/O to run that risk first. Pretty sure if I ever do get one there’ll be fights eventually because I don’t think anyone can avoid fighting forever, can they?

Donated blood? - Innocent, it just never came around as a situation to consider before now.

Eaten alligator meat? - Guilty, it was a food bank donated can of the stuff. Tasted kind of like a cross between something gamey, chickeny, and fishy?? Not real keen on eating it again, but if there was nothing else to eat, probably would.

Eaten cheesecake? - Guilty. Tasty stuff, cheesecake.

Still loved someone you shouldn’t? - ................... [What an uncomfortable question. He doesn’t want to answer that.]

Have/had a tattoo? - Guilty on multiple counts.

Liked someone, but will never tell who? - Guilty, though Joey already knows, she has this ability where she can just stare into your soul and know your deepest darkest secrets— [He’s kidding, Joey’s just perceptive and he knows it. He likes to pretend that she doesn’t know though, helps with the denial.]

Been too honest? - ??? Uh...I...would...not think so? Innocent?

Ruined a surprise? - Guilty, both accidentally and intentionally.

Eaten so much that you can’t walk after? - Innocent. I have wolfed down my food on more than one occasion though, even though I know I shouldn’t. It happens sometimes, but still working on it.

Dressed in a man’s clothes? - Guilty, I generally wear men’s clothes.

Dressed in a woman’s clothes? - Innocent as far as I know, though many clothes are unisex and I’ve gotten clothes from thrift stores and other sources before so who knows? Hoodies are for everyone.

Joined a pageant? - ??? I don’t think so, unless school talent contests and costume contests count? Didn’t really do much for those either. So, innocent.

Still have communication with your ex? - Pfft, I’d need to have an ex first for that. Innocent. Rory isn’t an ex by virtue of the fact that we never dated.

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who meant it? - Innocent.

Cheated on someone? - See above, have not had an actual serious relationship to speak of for this to happen. Nor have I been the, uh, third person so to speak, so innocent.

Gotten totally drunk and missed an exam? - Innocent. I don’t really get drunk outside of drinking with friends socially, and even then I would prefer to keep my personal intoxication levels low.

A total stranger treated you by paying your fare? - Innocent.

Got so angry that you cried? - Guilty. Life sucks sometimes.

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? - ...does for our combined mutual good count? Guilty if so.

Thought about suicide? - ...Guilty in passing, once. Not deeply or seriously. [He’s too determined to try to live his life, honestly. Even if he’s kind of worked up into a mess with all of the cult business and the psychic bullshit he has to deal with.]

Thought about murder? - Guilty. Very guilty if dreams and visions of possible futures count.

Actually murdered someone? - Innocent. Hopefully it’ll stay that way regardless.

Thought about mass murder? - ...Guilty. Comes with the territory of dreaming about the Reaping and Collapse for years upon years from different perspectives. Would prefer not to think about that. [It’s unsettling to him.]

Actually committed a mass murder? - Innocent, and hopefully will very much stay that way.

Rode in a stranger’s vehicle? - Do taxis count, or public transportation? Guilty if so, innocent otherwise.

Stalked someone? - ...guilty but it was for a good cause on all occasions. Namely keeping a third party from tormenting and or murdering them and their family members or friends.

Had a girlfriend? - A serious girlfriend? Innocent. A girlfriend in kindergarten school for all of one recess and free play period? Guilty ish? Kindergarten was wild, man.

Had a boyfriend? - Innocent since I would say I haven’t actually had a serious relationship yet. I’ve had...flings?? It’s weird to call them that, we didn’t discuss what name fit it at the time or anything, just acknowledged that we were both on the same page of not looking for something involving commitment at the time from each other. Just...you know, being there with each other for a little while, before we parted ways. It wasn’t a good time to pursue a relationship for me, at the very least. Not sure when a good time would be, though. After all this? [Assuming there is an afterwards worth mentioning once the cult situation is...resolved, shall we say. He doesn’t know what will happen then. Terrifying, isn’t it. Almost as bad as knowing what could and would happen in what he considers the Bad Ending from his point of view.]

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? - Innocent. Don’t much care for loss of control over myself, as stated earlier. Some drinking is fine in good company and a safe environment.

[bentenharuki]

I generally don’t do these but...

I will do this because it’s a badge of honor and a thank you for @todayintokyo who gives me a daily vibe out of my second fav Country in the world (first one is my own, of course. My messy, chaotic, genius Italy).

So for everyone interested (I won’t tag people either... if you are among my 250+ readers, do it as freely as you like to share this unexpected hard time along others. Sharing makes us all feel less stranded I guess :)) 

1. Are you staying home from work/school? Yep. My University (Milano Bicocca) holds in-house lessons and curses and also exams and testing are/will be online. What I miss most are the lab works and the exchanges with foreign schools. I took one a few months ago in London and I was supposed to have another in May but... NOPE, of course.

2. If you’re staying home, who’s there with you? I am alone in my apartment. At first it was supposed to be shared rent with somebody else but then my parents just bought this out and lent it to me. I know. I am spoiled. But very grateful for what I have. I always try to give back the best I can because no one has merits in being born in a family instead of another. (pieces of second-rate philosophy in all my LONG answers courtesy of my mum and her influence on me. She’s a University Professor and her field is.. guess what.. ETHICS PHILOSOPHY)

3. Do you have pets to keep you company? Nope. Not allowed. But I like cats. Cats. CATS. They are elegant, refined, very clean, and they give you consideration and affection ONLY if they like you. I prefer to conquer somebody’s love instead than to have it by default. Then I am naturally a cat person instead of a dog’s. But I like all animals (I like snakes as well, so my range is pretty wide ;)), even though I don’t feel missing any in  house. Generally I would be out of home most of the day and no pet would be happy in staying that much alone. I miss my grandparents’ kitty tho :)

4. Who do you miss the most? Family. Friends. Meeting new people when out. And... (is it fine to say it?) Well... in these lockdown times I miss... human touch. (You get what kind). I was seeing a guy when this all started and my old boyf also came back into the picture somehow. All on hold. And I avoid to think how that makes me feel because even in case I’d figure it out, what comes if one can’t act on the awareness? Exactly. So I put it all in a LONG pause. But yeah... I miss contacts. A LOT.

5. When was the last time you left your home? I go out every Thursday to buy all my grocery stuff. I am very methodic. My supermarket is pretty near and it’s BIG and I get there right before it opens (well... one hour almost before it opens, so I can be among the firsts in line). I look like a ninja: very sporty and technically dressed (like for a running competition!) with clothes and shoes which are easy washable, tech mask (it is for cycling competition, with filters specifically medical: the mask is washable as well after you’ve used it, while the filter is obviously not), cotton fit gloves and over them medical gloves (I can’t wear directly medical gloves because my skin is very sensitive and I suffer from nickel allergia, which makes latex gloves a NO NO directly on skin), teck googles which cover also the side of my face (those are from cycling items too) and of course PODS in my ear because I can’t live without music :)

6. What was the last thing you bought? I bought online a few garden tools for my biggest balcony. I have ZERO skill with plants (and I am supposed to become a biologist... the nerve! LOL) but I am keen at making grow at least rosemery for my recipes. I have a little peach tree and it is all fine so far. I have hope I can do better and anyway I have time now ;)

7. Is quarantine driving you insane or are you finally relaxed? I try to keep my routine as it was before. I wake up and perform all my tasks exactly as I was doing before this all started. I am VERY organized and to lax on that would ruin me, so I carefully focus on what I can control the best I can. It feels strange to say it maybe but... this way my mood isn’t particularly affected by this heavy revolution in my (and everyone elses’s) life.

8. Are you a homebody? NOPE. I love people, I love my Milan and its being always full of people everywhere. I love living in my town a TON, I love meeting friends anywhere, go dancing, I love to live my University life in this beautiful and renewed part of Milan; I like being surrounded by my people and meeting new ones. So being stuck at home would seem insufferable for me. But I learnt from this (there’s always something to learn in any experience) that I can be surprisingly ok with staying home too. I came to know better my neighbors. I feel a sense of community with everyone living nearby and I have come to love my domesticity too. It was a surprise for me first ^.^

9. What movies have you watched recently? In Italy, Italia 1 channel has had the WONDERFUL idea to rebroadcast all Harry Potter saga every Monday and Thursday. Today and tomorrow there are the last two installments, so I can say that is what I looked out the most for as in movie things these past weeks (funny how I never particularly adored the books of HP, I mean, I liked them but... being a Tolkien’s devotee Rowlings’ literary efforts always seemed lackluster to me.. and still I have always liked the movies. It’s incoherent I know ;)). But I have Sky at home so I can watch whatever movie I like to whenever I want to. And that leads to VERY little watch actually. I am reading a ton though. I watch what passes on in the National channels actually, out of digital and cable and decide to watch it or not. For instance last Friday Rai 1 (main Italian Channel) broadcasted one of my fav movies from the past three years, GIFTED (with Chris Evans and Octavia Spencer) and I rewatched it with immense pleasure.

10. An event that you were looking forward to that got cancelled? OLYMPICS. I was supposed to be back in Japan with a a couple of friends and my bro for experience the Olympics (especially the volleyball tournaments) between July and August and that got (of course) cancelled. We plan to move it all to next year of course. But it hurts SO MUCH because it was easily what I was looking forward to BEST for all 2020. Hands down.

11. What’s the best and worst thing you’ve had to cancel? Look up. For the other question, I never plan things I don’t like (or at least I try my best not to) and I almost never find myself in the position of being happy for something I had going on which I had to pass due to circumstances. I am a very honest (sometimes to the point of bluntness, though with age I got trained in the fine art of diplomacy, which for me is declined especially in the “IGNORE WHAT IS NOT WORTHY degree) person and if there is something I don’t like I tend to not get involved with it in the first place.

12. Do you have any new hobbies? Eh... the longest list... I love so many things. Sport don’t count as hobbies to me because I treat them as part of my daily life constantly. So take them off. I like to write, to draw, to paint... I like reading, I like learning... I am a tech geek; I like gaming (but that I have to cut it or it would absorb me too much)... I like TRAVELING (that is cut off too of course nowadays), and many other things so I guess I don’t literally have SPACE for new hobbies. My many ones makes it impossible to fall for new things though lately I am becoming a better cook out of needs ;)

13. What are you out of? My lists are made as soon my things become “two items in from having 0″. This way I can’t run out of anything. Did I say already I am a HUGE control freak? THAT ;)

14. What music are you listening to? My itunes collections lists so far 12376 ALBUMS. Then I have the random songs. Latest one I bought (because I buy them all) is Achille Lauro’s latest 16 Marzo 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yb-9RESbeWA

I am also listening a lot to one of my bro’s fav bands Radiohead and as usual a lot to my beloved Imagine Dragons. My mum and dad are also telling me to listen to Bill Withers (who recently passed away) whole discography because he was amazing. I love many music genres. I love ALL which makes the spirit soar and rage and evolve and love and cry and hope.

15. What are you reading? So far in quarantine I read 5 books. I have now to start ORIGINS by Dan Brown. I pick the books I have left unread randomly and that was the pick this time (people gift me with books constantly because they know I am a bookworm when I have spare time).

16. What are you doing for self-care? Keep loving myself and life and the world exactly the way I used to before this all started.

17. Are you exercising? Yup. Tapis roulant, golf training, stepper (all in my house lucky me) and mat and weight training. I have a routine for which I have to train at least one hour a day. NO EXCEPTION. I miss swimming but I will do. I am also in recovery after January’s knee meniscus intervention so my schedules are also taking that into consideration.

18. How’s your toilet paper supply? I'm OK. :)

19. Have you made any changes to your hair during quarantine? Nope. I love to stylize my hair but I don’t have specific cuts. It grows long and then I play with them hairstyles: braids, buns, ponytails, partitions and the likes.. But I have bleached hair and I had to follow my hairdresser advice because I can’t allow ugly roots to take dominance of me ^.^ So I bought the necessary to self bleach them. No need to say as soon as I will be able to, Hairdressers and Massages and SPA will be my first destination ^.^ (beside visiting family and friends of course).

I am fairly sure I put lots of typos and mistakes in this but I have my online lesson just starting in 8 minutes and I can’t review this (I generally never do it anyway). So forgive me and have a beautiful day ;)

STAY SAFE OUT THERE!!! Hugs K.

[mx-writer]

Steve Rogers (Captain America) x Reader

WARNING(S): mature content: cussing self-degrading, and selfharm (there is nothing too graphic or gory)

You Should Know: The reader - you - is written as gender-neutral, so no matter your gender, you can be Steve's lover! Also, you are an insecure chubby person. (I know, a huge cliché, but I promise to make a confident chubby reader insert soon, too! And other body types and such!) Steve refers to you as pretty and gorgeous, which are usually attached strictly to femininity, but guys can be pretty, too, even if they are super masculine in appearance. If you don't like the way I worded things, switch the words to handsome or something in your mind. Sorry if you don't like how I made Steve describe you!

Prompt(s): A song inspired me! I don't remember what it was exactly, hhhhhh. It's on my Wattpad, though!

If these themes and ideas make you uncomfortable in anyway, you really do not have to read.

Thank you!

You weren't always the most attractive person, in your eyes - or even a little attractive. Your baby fat never seemed to have disappeared, and you just keep putting on the pounds. You gain weight so easily, and even when you try to diet properly and exercise daily, your weight is stuck in the same range.

With a frustrated sigh, you step off the little scale. You only pray that it's broken - I gained another two pounds! I mean, of course I did! I'm such a pig!

You squeeze at your stomach, face, and thighs in the mirror. Who'd ever want to look at this gross sack of flesh? You turn so your side is facing the mirror, your stomach sticking out. You suck in as hard as you can, but can only hold your breath for a few seconds before you let out a heavy exhale, stomach dropping back to its origin position.

Your eyes sting with the familiar feeling of tears about to spill over. You slam your fist into your hip to distract yourself from your bad thoughts. A hiss escapes from between your teeth as you cringe at the pain. You had forgotten there was already a bruise there.

Flailing your arms around for a moment, you force a smile onto your lips. You needed to get ready for work. There's no point in sitting here and moping around. You are a busy person, you don't have much time for a pity party.

After hurriedly throwing on your nice work clothes, making sure they cover you up almost completely, and focusing your thoughts on only professional things, you dash out of the apartment complex and hail a cab.

Popping into the main elevator, you head up to your office - well, your little corner of Mr. Stark's office. Even though you've worked there for a couple years now, you still can't believe you landed the job. All you are is a secretary, and all you do is take calls that Mr. Stark ignores elsewhere in the building and file away papers and documents (most everything is digital, but he likes to keep some things down on paper), but it's still an exciting job. After all, you are working for the Tonk Stark - fucking Ironman.

You take a seat at your desk, removing your blazer.

Now, this is the worst part of the job: the waiting. Usually, calls come in every few minutes, or Mr. Stark shoves a giant stack of papers into your hands to sort through, but then there are the slow days - days that you are grateful for, but you get so bored. These days are always random, popping up whenever you least expect it, and nowhere to be seen when you most desire them.

With a sigh, you let yourself relax into your chair. May you could get an extra few minutes of shut-eye. As soon as your eyes drift shut, a door loudly opens, causing you to immediately sit up straight, trying to look presentable.

In walked Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner. They were having a heated discussion about something you simply couldn't understand, like they were speaking another language. You didn't allow yourself to stare at them, quickly shifting your vision to the blank screen of your computer.

"__________, I need yesterday's papers! Get the last file from last night, the blue one." Mr. Stark piped up at you aggravatedly.

Quickly standing and sifting through the filing cabinet, you found the thick file and rushed it over to the two men. He ripped it from your hands, frantically flipping through the papers you oh-so-carefully organized last night. Finally, he yanked out a packet of papers and tossed it to Dr. Banner, who barely caught it.

"You can check the math all you want, Bruce, but you know I'm right."

Dr. Banner sighed, "I just want to make sure you didn't slip up, like when - "

"Nah-ah-ah! I almost never slip up! Even geniuses make little mistakes now and again."

Dr. Banner rolled his eyes, "At least you're finally admitting you were wrong. Took you long enough."

Mr. Stark returned the gesture, "I may he an asshole, but you love me all the same."

"You keep telling yourself that; whatever helps you sleep at night." Dr. Banner turned to face you, causing you to tense up, "Do you get the chance to check that document out?"

"Yes, sir! I'll send it back to you now." You head to your computer, quickly turning it on and booting up the file, "Were you two up all night, again? Want some coffee, Docter, Mr. Stark?" You sent the document back to Dr. Banner, flicking your eyes back to the two.

Dr. Banner groaned, "That sounds amazing right now." Mr. Stark, nodded, leaning back into his desk chair.

You swiftly head for the elevator, going down to the next level. You never really understood why he didn't get a coffee machine for his office. He has all the money in the world, what's one little coffee maker going to do? Maybe it's an excuse to get you out of the office, so he can speak with whoever alone.

The ding of the elevator breaks through your thoughts, and you rush over to make the coffee. You look around to make sure you were alone before hopping up onto the countertop. You could feel the cool surface through your pants, giving you goosebumps.

You look down at your lap, and immediately regret it. The fabric of your pants seemed to strain over your thick thighs. You scowled in disgust at yourself, squeezing at them. There was no space between them, all the way down until your knees. Sitting on a flat, hard surface only made them look bigger. You remember this morning, and aim your fist at the bruise on your hip. You curse under your breath at the sting, clenching your jaw. You can deal with the pain. It's your fault you're like this. Just suck it up.

Taking a deep breath, you slid off the counter. You needed to get your mind back on track. You poured three cups of coffee, placing them on a tray, and carefully hurried back to the office.

As the day came to a close, you groggily headed home. Your eyes hurt from staring at a computer screen all day, and you felt a slight burn in your calves from running up and down the tower to take Mr. Stark and Dr. Banner coffee and papers and blueprints and blah blah blah...

You sluggishly wash up and climb into bed.

Let's change this up a bit, shall we?

(third person point of view)

Meanwhile, at the Avengers Tower:

"You are an ass." Steve groans into his cup.

"Language, Cap." Tony, smirked to himself. Some of the others in the room laugh.

"You're never letting that go, are you?"

"Nope." Tony popped the 'p', taking a swig from his own glass, "You should just admit it, already. You can't keep your eyes off of them."

Steve rolled his eyes, stubbornly biting back his nerves, trying to reel in his annoyance, "They're your secretary, Tony. This isn't a child's game. It'd be highly inappropriate for me to desire them in any way."

"Tony's got a point," Bruce chips in, "Your glances may be subtle, but they are far too frequent for you to deny."

Steve only glares at him.

Clint, from the corner, whispers in a sing-song voice, "Chubby chaser!"

Steve's breath hitches, hairs on the end of his neck standing up. He chose to keep his mouth shut.

Tony pipes back up, "They're my employee - which makes me sort of like their dad. It wouldn't be all that bad if you made a move, Cap. As long as you don't distract each other during work hours, and keep everything PG around us."

Images of not-so-PG things flash through Steve's mind. He's suddenly flustered, so he snaps back to defend himself in some way, "Shut it, Tony." That'll have to do.

"Make me." Tony retorted childishly. Steve sent him a glare.

Thor, after being quiet through this whole interaction, finally decides to pitch in his own two cents, "I have experienced earthly love, myself, Steve. Gives you something more to fight for. It could be good for you."

"You, too? Really?" Steve was actually surprised that he had said anything like that, but his annoyance surpassed the shock.

Tony clapped Thor on the back, "Glad you're on my side," he smirked over at Steve, "You know, the right one."

Steve stood from his seat, "I'm going to bed."

This time, very unexpectedly, Natasha is the one to speak up, "I think you should go for it. How could anyone turn the Captain down?"

Steve paused, then went on his way to his room.

Now back to our regularly scheduled program:

Another day, another nickel. You sigh, standing in front of the mirror. Why do I keep doing this to myself? You gently run your fingers over the bruises. They seem to be everywhere - your hips, thighs, ribs, chest, arms... What's wrong with me?

This morning, you can't seem to hold back the tears. They silently fall from your eyes, then down your chest. It's not like anyone is going to see me bare, anyway. Who would ever wish for such a disgusting thing? What does another few bruises matter?

You take a deep breath, and slam your fist into your thigh as hard as you can. You let out a choked sob. Okay, maybe that was a little too hard for a work day - shit, I have work!

You jump into the shower, making it as hot as you can bear to numb your brain and to disguise the fact that you were crying.

Now in your usual seat at your desk, you smile as Mr. Stark enters the room, "Good morning, Sir."

He grumbles back, but the words are unintelligible.

"Rough night?"

This time, all you receive is a grunt. You stand, heading for the elevator, "It looks like it's a straight black morning, huh? I'll return with your joe in a moment." He always seems to forget that coffee exists most of the time. If I - no, not me, I'm not that important, just anyone - wasn't here to keep an eye on him, he'd have died from exhaustion by now.

Doing your usual routine, you start the coffee maker, then hop up onto the countertop to sit. Yes, there are chairs in the room, but, for some odd reason, you enjoy sitting on tabletops and such. It brings you back to your school days, sitting on your desk, whispering to your friends before class starts. You try to block out the bullying, but some choppy memories slip through.

Deciding it would be best, you force yourself out of good ol' memory lane, and look out the large windows. From this height, you could see the city from a better perspective. Instead of the towering building standing intimidatingly above you, you look down on them, in awe of the sun reflecting of the the shiny buildings, making the city look far more at peace than in reality. You allowed yourself this little moment, a small and genuine smile crossing your features. These are rare, precious moments; take advantage.

Suddenly, a voice cuts through the silence, "Oh, hey. Didn't know you were down here."

You snap your attention to Mr. Rogers standing in the archway to the open kitchen area. You blush, quickly jumping off of the counter to stand straight before him, "Mr. Rogers, good morning!"

He offers you a bright smile, "It is a good morning, isn't it?" He walks over to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of water.

"It really is." You then laugh, "But not for Mr. Stark, that's for sure."

Mr. Roger's laughs with you, "Are any of his mornings ever considered good?"

You laugh again, "I wouldn't know. Maybe if he woke up to someone next to him, his mornings would be a hell of a lot better." Your tone insinuates something not-so-innocent.

Your smile falters, realizing you had let an inappropriate joke slip, "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to say that! I shouldn't say things like that - "

"It's quite alright, (Ms./Mr./Mx.) __________. I hear far worse from Tony on a regular basis. And it's actually quite nice to see some more of your personality slip through." He turned his back to you, taking in a deep gulp of water.

You chuckle nervously, "If you're sure, Mr. Rogers. And you can just call me by my first name, like Mr. Stark does."

He tosses a quick smile over his shoulder at you, "And you can call me Steve."

You tense, biting at you bottom lip, "If that is what you wish, Steve." A warm feeling sneaks up on you as you say his name. Why did just saying his name make such a feeling bloom in your chest?

Mr. Ro - Steve went still, which appeared a tad strange, but you decided to not mention it.

"Would you like a cup of coffee, too, Steve?"

He shook his head, still facing away from you, "It's not a coffee kind of morning for me. Thank you, though."

You smiled at his back, then turned to the fresh pot of coffee, "Suit yourself." You filled up three glasses, as per usual, sure that Dr. Banner would probably want a cup, as well.

Finally, he turned back to you, and his voice sounded a bit off, "If you weren't so busy, I would ask you to join me for my morning run. You always have your hands so full."

You felt your face heat up. You looked down at yourself, "I'm, uh," you nervously glanced back up to him, "I'm not really a runner." Is that his subtle and nice way of calling me fat? Of course he'd think that. Who the fuck doesn't?

"A walk, then." He offers a soft grin.

You bite your lip, placing the mugs on the tray, "I suppose that would be nice. It's been pretty hot out, though; I don't really like the heat. And, just as you'd said, I am a rather busy person."

He nods, smile slipping a bit, "Perhaps, something more - "

A loud yawn cuts through the air, a man walking into the lounging area. It's a shirtless Mr. Odinson. You stiffen up, "Good morning, Sir. Did you sleep well?"

He gives you a tired smile, "Yes. I wish I could sleep longer, though."

"I'd have to agree with you there." You look down at the tray, then back to Steve, "It was nice chatting with you, but I'm afraid that I should hurry back to the office. Mr. Stark doesn't exactly like cold coffee, and he's probably fallen asleep at his desk again. I'll see you later!"

You turned away, heading back to Mr. Stark. You could've sworn you heard a light thud and a sharp, hushed voice behind you, but you chose to ignore it and continue on your way.

You groggily step into the office. It was technically your day off, and you'd planned to sleep in, but Mr. Stark called you in for 'an urgent emergency'. Lucky for you, he said you could dress casual and comfortable.

You plop down oh, so gracefully in your desk chair. You let out a heavy sigh, laying your head down on your folded arms on the desktop.

Someone bursts into the room, but you don't budge, "Ah, so you're here! Great!" It's Mr. Stark.

You lift your head, flashing a wide grin, "Morning, Mr. Star - "

"Ah!" He cuts you off, "That's my name only during work hours."

You furrowed your brows at him, "What do you - "

He interrupted you again, "There is no work today. On days like these, it's Tony."

You were quite confused, "But, Sir, if there's no - "

"Tony." He firmly stated, "I know that I called you in on your day off, but I have good reason. You're not here to work; you're here to..." he trailed, carefully choosing his next words, "have some fun."

You blinked, "Fun?" It was spoken as more of a statement than a question.

He laughed, "Yes, fun." He looked you over, "We should get you changed."

You leaned back into the chair, now fully facing him, "Why - I-I didn't - "

He shushed you, "Hush. We're going to get you something nice to wear for the party." He pulled out his phone, typing away.

Your eyes bugged out and you started to sputter, "Party? What party? Mr. - Tony, I can't - "

"You're going." He spoke firmly, "It's part of the job now."

You wanted to question further, wanted to argue, but you didn't want to risk your current position or your relationship with your boss. Instead, you just nod and wait, internally panicking.

He heads for the elevator, motioning for you to follow. With a sigh, you hurry after him.

Now fully dressed and ready in your fancy, new outfit, you glance at yourself in the mirror. The clothing seemed to fit you better than most anything you've ever worn, sculpting to your figure in a... not too unattractive way. You give yourself a small smile, smoothing down the fabric on your chest and stomach.

When shopping, you had made sure to get something that reached the floor and had long sleeves. You didn't want to expose any more skin than you had to.

A loud knock cut through the air from the door behind you, making you jump. You turn to the door, quickly reaching over to open it. Behind the door stood a sharply dressed Tony.

He smiled at you, "You look good."

You look down at yourself, mumbling, "Thanks."

He threw an arm around your lower back, pulling you out of the restroom and into the elevator.

After a few beats of silence, you nervously ask, "How big is this party going to be?"

He shrugged, still smiling, "Don't worry, it shouldn't be that big."

You frowned, brows furrowed. That didn't comfort you in the slightest. The elevator went silent again.

The music grew louder as you approached the party floor. You shifted on your feet anxiously. You weren't a big fan of parties in general, nevermind a Tony Stark party.

The elevator dinged. You bit your lip as Tony lead you out. He continued to smile at you, nudging your shoulder, "Go, have fun - and don't you dare leave." His tone was a tad unnerving.

You simply nod, and he walks away, leaving you alone. You could feel the music, the bass beating in your chest alongside your heart. It was a heavy feeling, but you kind of enjoyed it.

Looking to your left, you see a bar. You cringe. Nope. Definitely not drinking tonight. I get plastered far too easily, then I just end up embarrassing myself. You sigh, and turn to your right, seeing a large crowd of people dancing. A lot of them appeared drunk and they were dancing rather... intamately. You blushed just watching them. You wished you could move like that... That anyone would even want to dance with you in such a fashion... Stop it! Not now! You pinch the back of your hand to scold yourself.

Finally, you move from your spot, stepping forward and officially into the party. You walk around a bit, catching bits and pieces of conversations as you go. You turn your head, eyes meeting glass - a floor-to-ceiling window. You focus on your reflection, then to the city beyond the pane. You walk over to the window. You've never seen the city at night from this high up. Another one of those rare, genuine smiles spreads across your face. Maybe this party wasn't so bad, after all.

You notice something in your peripherals, turning your focus on it. It's a balcony. You thought about how beautiful the city looked, and decided to go get an even better view. You rush over to the surprisingly empty balcony, stepping out into the cool night air. Once the door shut, the music grew quite muffled, and you could listen in on the sounds of the city. The genuine smile lingered as you leant on the railing to peer down at the roads. The height frightens you in the best of ways, chills running down your spine.

You could barely hear the quiet footfalls approaching you. You were so zoned out, lost in the beauty of the city beneath you.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

You snap out of it, turning your still smiling face to the person behind you. It's Steve. Your eyes sparkle, "Beautiful, yes, but I would say 'gorgeous'."

He smiled back to you, "I would save that word for prettier sights." There was a hint of... something in his voice, but you couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

"There are a lot 'prettier sights', huh?" You turn back to the city, "Though, here and now, this has got to be the prettiest."

He now stood beside you, "Now, I wouldn't say that."

You glance over at him, "Why not?"

He remains silent for a few moments before turning back to you and smiling. He holds out his hand, "Care to dance?"

You look to his hand, then back to his eyes, "I can't..." you trailed, "I'm no good at dancing."

He persisted, "All we have to do is sway. How hard can that be?"

You furrowed your brows, glancing to the windows and looking inside. Everyone was dancing wildly, jumping around and grinding against one another. But Steve was suggesting a much different kind of dancing.

"I don't get why people consider that dancing nowadays." he spoke up, grabbing your attention again, "Dancing used to be a whole lot classier."

You chuckled, "Yeah, but at least it seems fun."

He nodded thoughtfully before he continued to persist, "Will you please dance with me?"

You clasp your hands behind your back nervously, "Like I said, I'm not much of a dancer."

"All we'll do is sway." He steps closer, "We'll sway to much quieter music."

You shake you head at him, "What music?"

"You'll hear it if you listen carefully." His grin widens.

You huff out a laugh, shaking your head. Holding out your hand, you flash him a smile, "Fine, I give. I'll dance with you. But don't complain when I step on your toes." You jokingly warned.

"I'm tough, I can handle it." He pulls you close to him, lifting your hands to his shoulders before placing his on your hips.

You bit back your nervousness, "Oh, so you're taking the lead?"

"I thought you couldn't dance." He started swaying the two of you back and forth at a slow pace.

You chuckled, "Yeah, it'd be a disaster if I lead."

"I doubt that."

You continue to smile, "Your doubts would be incorrect, Steve."

He shifts, pulling you a tad closer. His hands felt a bit heavier on your hips. "All of them?"

You nod, "Yep."

You can see a strange twinkle in his eyes. Suddenly, he's leaning down and placing a soft, slow kiss on your cheek.

As he pulls away, you feel your face heat up, not really sure what to say, "What was that for?"

He ignored your current question, instead responding to your previous one, "The city may be a pretty sight, but I reserve the word 'gorgeous' only for you."

Your breath hitches, heartbeat picking up. You were speechless. Your face grew hotter. You started to panic, quickly deciding to hide your face in his shoulder.

He chuckled, nervousness obvious in his tone, but he continued, "My friends have caught my lingering glances. I don't mean to stare, but I just can't help myself. You are very attractive, there's no denying that."

You shake your head involuntarily.

"You don't think so?"

You kept silent, still.

He pulled you against him, continuing the swaying motion, "I know that I'm being forward. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I'm afraid that if I keep beating around the bush, I'll miss my chance."

"What are you talking about?" You managed to mutter out.

He hesitated, "I want you to be mine."

You pulled back from him, wide-eyed, "What?"

"I-I mean, if you'll have me - " He let you go, taking a step back, panic settling into his eyes, "I'm sorry, I should leave you be, shouldn't I?"

You panic as well, reaching out to grip his upper arm, worried that he'd walk off, "No!"

The both of you stilled.

You recoiled, "I-I mean... no." You spoke softer, "I'm sorry, I just can't really tell if you're serious or not." You try to laugh it off, wrapping your arms around yourself.

His brows furrowed, "Why wouldn't I be serious?"

"Well, uh," you averted your eyes, "if you're constantly the butt-end of a joke, you tend to put up some walls, constantly doubting what others say." You realized that you might have said too much when you look back at him. There was apparent anger in his eyes and frustration embedded into his features.

He steps back over to you, "I wouldn't play with your feelings like that." He clenched his jaw, wrapping his arms back around your waist, holding you gently.

You returned the favor, embracing him.

Another long stretch of silence.

"Why wouldn't I have you?" You blurt out, still doubtful.

He chuckled, "Because I'm sure, as amazing as you are, you could find someone better."

You paused, "So even the Captain America can be insecure." You didn't really mean to say that aloud, but it's already out there, in the open.

"Yeah, believe it or not." He chuckled again, "You have no idea how vulnerable I feel right now."

He seemed to sincere, so honest, it was starting to actually get hard to doubt his words. You let a 'huh' slip from between your lips.

He pulls back, cupping your cheek. He leans forward again, kissing your temple. This action was so gentle and caring, it made you melt. "All I'm asking for is one date. Anything after that is up to you."

You smiled at him, a short laugh escaping you, "So is this our first date?"

He returned the smile, "I would prefer to take you on a proper date." The swaying resumed, and you think you're starting to understand what music he was talking about.

You stood straighter, confidence building, "I'd like to consider this the first."

"And why's that?"

You inhale sharply, "So I can kiss you already."

He stared at you for a moment. Neither of you spoke or moved. When a minute grew into forever, you returned to your panicky self.

Suddenly, he captured your lips against his own, holding you closely. It took you a moment, but you were soon kissing back, gripping at the fabric on his back.

The kiss ended far too soon. His smile reached his eyes, "Done and done."

A laugh fell from your lips, and you were kissing again. It was chaste, but it meant everything to you, "I'm yours."

He pressed you against him, swaying with you at a slightly faster pace, "And I'm yours."

You leaned against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. If this wasn't music, you didn't know what was.

Thank you so much for reading! This wasn't super romantic or anything, so I do plan on making a continuation. I don't know why, but I keep writing out these long, slow-burning stories, with endings that don't really feel all that worth it. I promise to spice things up pretty soon. If you have any thoughts, suggestions, or requests, hit me up. I'll make some time just for you.

[purpleflamingosarelife]

Black is the New Sin (Pt. 2)

**Just a few warnings: **This part is quite heavy and emotional. There are mentions of sexual abuse, violence and abuse to minors. I don’t think anyone will ever read this, but in case someone does, just know that there probably will be more parts like this and that I literally know nothing about the law or police work at all so bear with me on that. Thank you for reading and enjoy!

Shane

I opened my eyes. The first thing that I saw was a Rosie the Riveter poster that said, ‘we can do it!’ in thick, white letters. It kept me inspired and optimistic because, quite frankly, being a cop could be depressing sometimes. At least for me. I always had to wonder what was going on in some peoples’ lives that they would stoop to this level.

Sitting up, I checked my phone. There were no notifications, really. Nothing but IFunny and this one other game that I had. Sadly, there were no notifications from Zing.com.

That meant that there had been zero women that had liked my profile. 

Jesus, what was it? Was it because I was a cop and they thought I was hard and rude, maybe too serious? Was it... Was it because my hair was red? 

I decided to push that aside. It didn’t matter right now. 

After a quick shower and shave, I polished my boots and cleaned my gun. I took joy in maintaining my uniform because that meant that I could take pride in the aura of professionalism that leaked from the outskirts of the blast radius of my good looks. 

My second alarm went off, triggering me to holster my gun and hop up. I put my uniform on, then gelled up my hair and combed it into the perfect pompadour, or my everyday look. 

“Frankie!” I shouted playfully. Almost immediately, tiny paws began pattering throughout the apartment, eventually finding their way to  my bathroom door. I looked down to see the little black and white Boston terrier looking up at me expectantly. I gasped excitedly and knelt down.

“Oh, Mr. Sinatra, how are you this morning?” He started panting happily. 

Another alarm went off on my phone. Time to leave. 

On my way out the door, I dropped a cup of food in Frankie’s bowl. He immediately began chomping away at his bowl. 

“Good boy,” I whispered as I shut the door. I speed walked down to the parking garage and unlocked my 2010 SS Camaro from across the garage, checking the time as I did so. 

It was only 7:00. I had time to drop by the coffee shop and grab some bagels and coffees. I even knew what Finn would want. 

--

The coffee shop was nearly dead, so I strolled in and ordered two glazed donuts and two simple espressos. 

“We’ll have that right out to you, sir,” the barista behind the counter politely stated. I nodded with a small smile as I walked over to a table to have a seat. 

My phone dinged. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the screen, where a little gray bubble with text inside it floated just below the stated time. 

Message from: Finn Dahlgren

Finn: Mornin’, sunshine. Where you at?

I smiled to the screen as I scanned my thumb on the home button.

Shane: Getting some food at the coffee shop, I replied. A few seconds later, the little bubble to signal that he was typing popped up.

Finn: Oh. See anyone cute?

Shane: No. There ain’t anyone here.

Finn: So there’s no barista making your coffee?

Shane: Yes, there’s a barista.

Finn: Which one is it?

Shane: The cute one with coppery-blonde hair.

Finn: So there are some cute girls there.

Shane: No, I don’t want to bother her. Who she is is none of my business.

Finn: Just go for it. See you at work. 

I put my phone back in my pocket as the barista walked out with two cups and a small paper bag. I stood to meet her at the counter with my wallet at the ready. 

“Alright, Sir,” she shyly said. I leaned on the counter just a bit, trying to make it apparent that I wasn’t going to be a jerk or be too weird. Her shyness was understandable. I was a decently tall and muscular guy, and on top of that, I was wearing a police uniform. I looked a bit scary to some people. This barista, this girl, was on the shorter side and had a thin structure. In comparison to her, I was pretty much a gorilla. 

“That’ll be twenty-one, ninety-five,” she continued, looking up at me with crystal blue eyes. “Is that all you’ll need today?” I shook my head gently.

“No, miss, that’ll be all. I’d just like you to know that you’re very polite and professional. So, thank you for being such an awesome human being.”  She blushed a little and counted my cash before picking me out a nickel for change. 

“Well thank you, Officer, for protecting the city.” She handed me the small coin and, for the smallest second, our hands touched and our eyes lingered on each other. 

She smiled, pulling her hand away. Her cheeks were rather red. 

“Enjoy, Sir.”

“Have a lovely day.” 

With that, I turned on my heel and walked out the door. 

-- 

I dramatically burst through the doors of the Officers’ Lounge, striding over to a chair and jumping up onto it.

“Well look at that, Cowboy Harris,” Finn the Wisecrack shouted from the corner of the room, sauntering over to meet me. I handed him his coffee and held the bag out in my left hand, doing a weird surfer pose on my toes. I’d thrown my sunglasses on before I entered the room for dramatic effect. 

“The one and only,” I playfully answered before hopping off the chair and removing my glasses. 

“Yeah, you’re a real rock star,” Officer Jansen called from across the room. Rodriguez laughed and high-fived him. 

I made a dramatic, snobby face. “You’re just jealous that you’re not as fabulous as I am.” Everyone laughed. My watch beeped, signalling that it was time for work to start. I continued. “That makes eight, everyone! Get to work!” 

Finn and I, already knowing our assignment, headed out to the parking lot to where our squad car was. It was one of the relatively newer, nicer ones that the police department had purchased-- a Dodge Charger. 

“Well look at you, Dahlgren,” I teased. “Growing some facial hair.” I reached over to run my fingers on his rough stubble. He pulled away, irritated.

“Hey, I’m fuckin’ driving here, dumb ass,” he whined. I was about to reply something smart when the familiar ding of a notification sounded from my phone. I pulled it out to look at the screen.

“Who’s that? Your imaginary girlfriend?” He stabbed jokingly. I smirked as I momentarily diverted my eyes from the screen.

“No, it’s your little sister. She wants to know when I’m gonna lay down the pipe again,” I joked back as I read the notification. As soon as my eyes met the text, A rush of excitement shot through my body. 

It was from Zing.Com. 

Eden Halifax clicked ‘like’ on your profile!

Despite my excitement, I put my phone away, as we were almost to our call. I had to begin mentally preparing myself for this one. 

A man-- the victim’s uncle, to be exact-- had been sneaking into said victim’s house while the parents were away and doing... God, I was sick thinking about it. 

It brought back bad memories.

It was the reason that I even became a cop in the first place. 

Anyways, long story short, he’d been caught red handed via a hidden nanny cam within the house. Her dad was on his way home from work, but sadly enough for this creep, we’d arrived first.

“Shane, we’re here. We need to hurry.” I violently opened the door and did a hood slide, sprinting toward the house and bursting through the door long before Finn had even made it across the street. 

“Police!” I screamed as I ran past the living room. With every step I took, I became even more sickened and angry. 

They were in the main floor’s office, as I’d learned from the operator. I put my ear to the door to listen to the commotion for a second.

“I’m not letting you hurt me and make me feel worthless anymore!” A female voice screamed. This was followed by a thud and a grunt of pain.

“Ah! You little bitch! C’mere!” There were more screams.

I didn’t even check if the door was locked, and I didn’t even care where Dahlgren was. I was pissed. 

“Get on the ground!” I shouted after I kicked the door down. He was advancing on her angrily. She was seemingly alright, as she had apparently fighting him off. He was only more angry, aggressive, and determined to bring harm to that girl. He didn’t even seem to notice me.

I watched him raise his hand before I sprung on him and pinned him against the wall.

“You’re under arrest,” I growled into his ear as I attempted to handcuff him. He headbutted me and attempted to wrestle away from me. This resulted in me slamming him onto the floor roughly and digging my knee into his lower back. 

At this moment, Finn decided to run in and assist me in the arrest. Once he was cuffed, I told him to take care of the girl. As they exited the room, I rolled the suspect onto his back.

“Hey, I didn’t do a fuckin’ thing, man,” he spat.

“Bullshit,” I shouted. “That’s your fuckin’ niece! Your niece! And you’re in here doing bad stuff to her, hurting her?! You wanna know how she feels when you do that shit to her? You wanna know how she feels when her peers bully her about being a slut because you can’t fucking control yourself?!” I continued shouting as I stepped off of him, going to get another officer to come in here. Just before I exited the room, I turned around and shot my finger at him accusingly.

“You’re fucking sick, and you’re going to jail.” I said in a quieter manner. My voice quivered angrily. I stormed out of the room, out of the house. I stormed right up to Officer Dan Cruz and ran my fingers through my hair. 

“You need to go deal with that son of a bitch before I get mad and do something bad,” I commanded before walking back into the house and up to Finn and the girl. She was in tears and Finn was just standing there, not really knowing what to do. He was never good with emotions, or kids. 

I nodded at him to step away and knelt down to meet her shaking frame’s position in the corner. She looked up at me. I was pretty sure I was crying, too, because cases like these were always the closest to home. 

She jumped into my arms, and I held her, comforted her, while we both wept. 

“Everything’s gonna be alright,” I managed to say through my tears. “He ain’t gonna hurt you anymore.” 

I almost forgot about the special someone who’d liked my profile. 

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Mike Milbury, NBC and NHL protests (Puck Daddy Countdown)

NHL

(In which Ryan Lambert takes a look at some of the biggest issues and stories in the NHL, and counts them down.)

7 – Replacing Edzo

If you thought you heard a big groan at around 4 p.m. Eastern time yesterday, your ears did not deceive you: NBC announced yesterday that it will replace Eddie Olczyk (who’s battling cancer) in the NBC Sports booth with

…………

………… Mike Milbury.

Look, this wasn’t my decision but I feel like I have to apologize for it anyway: I’m sorry I had to give you this news.

We talk a lot about how the NHL is tone deaf and NBC Sports’ presentation is openly antagonistic to the people who watch this sport at least once or twice a week, but this is a bridge too far even for them. I can’t believe this dumb decision was made, except to say that it’s the NHL and NBC, so of course it was. Truly amazing and regrettable.

If you have some extra cash lying around, you might want to invest in mute button futures.

6 – We’re still talking about it

Ah, well, now’s the time for every rich white guy in the NHL, which of course leans super-conservative, to give their takes on the Trump thing so they can, a) miss the point of the kneeling protests in the first place, and b) be extremely rich white guys about it.

That’s all to be expected. I honestly don’t know what other answers anyone might have expected from the NHL rank and file on this, especially given that a lot of these guys barely have high school educations and lots of them have suffered traumatic brain injuries. Seeking nuanced opinions on even an uncomplicated political topic like, “Is state violence against racial minorities worth discussing?” is really asking for the moon.

And I get that Gary Bettman quote from last spring about, “We don’t want the NHL involved in politics,” which is awful funny coming from the league that really embraced You Can Play, as though gay rights are somehow not an inherently political issue even in 2017.

Here’s what I think people miss in all this: Sports isn’t and can’t be divorced from politics, because nothing is divorced from politics. Every aspect of life is touched by politics in some way. If people want to pretend otherwise, I get it. Politics is an exhausting thing to think about 24/7, but every veteran who gets a standing ovation at a game, every national anthem, every TV ad for the armed forces, and even the goddamn Winnipeg Jets logo is in some way a political issue. We are sold nationalism on just about every front in this sport, and have been forever. The Miracle on Ice wasn’t a big deal only because a scrappy team beat a juggernaut, but it was U.S.A. over USSR, capitalism over communism, and a real-life manifestation of the festering Cold War resentments that, hell, we’re still dealing with.

The vast majority of hockey players are from well-to-do white families because it’s one of the most expensive sports to play and the barrier to entry for lower-income families (which hey, what a coincidence, also happen to be disproportionately made up of people of color), and a majority of them aren’t even American. That’s not to say there aren’t racial issues in Canada, Sweden, Russia, etc. to address, but they’re far less overt there than they are here, and Justin Trudeau hasn’t called Wayne Simmonds a son of a bitch on national TV. But to expect these guys to understand where Josh Ho-Sang — who had a great quote about the issue yesterday — is coming from? That’s silly.

They should, however, make the effort. Which is what the kneeling protest is all about.

And as for the whole “Penguins in the White House” thing, yeah, it’s stupid. Whether they support him or not — and they almost certainly do — they’ll be used as props for a doddering Fox News grampa to say, “Aren’t they amazing folks? And they respect me, so much. Great team. Unbelievable.” That would have been the case regardless of what the Warriors chose to do.

But now, it’s even more of a hot-button issue, and for all the stuff you can say about Trump, you gotta acknowledge his media savvy. It’s not like Crosby’s gonna put on a MAGA hat and go on a rant about how Mexicans are all criminals-in-waiting, but he’s gonna be there yukkin’ it up with the guy who did. “Ha ha ha,” Sid Crosby will say after Trump tries to impress him with a story about a Playboy bunny he annoyed in 1992. “That’s funny, Mr. President.”

Crosby et al have the benefit of keeping politics divorced from their lives. It’s this Tina Fey crap all over again: “Why can’t we all eat cake? Why can’t we all just not talk about the issue and respect the office?” Because some people have more pressing material threats to their lives than this, and the Trump administration is all those threats made manifest.

Now, people have brought up the Tim Thomas thing a lot. He didn’t go to the White House to protest Obama’s policy of, I don’t know, not abolishing the Federal Reserve or something. Here’s why this is different: Obama didn’t call him a son of a bitch on national TV. That’s it. That’s the only reason. If guys want to stay home for any reason they choose, that’s fine. And if you want to talk about it in the media, that’s fine too. Thomas made himself the subject of mockery for a lot of people, myself included, because he did not articulate what his problem with Obama was. He just said he didn’t like Obama. If he had actually said, “Here’s X, Y, and Z of why I’m not going,” we probably would have still disagreed — libertarians are kooks, to a man — but you’d have to give him the courage of his convictions. On some level, it’s laudatory that he stood up for what he believed in, even if what he believed in was probably dumb.

Meanwhile, unlike Tim Thomas, Colin Kaepernick and many of those players who started kneeling very clearly articulated why they started doing it. The NFL has since transformed the issue, co-opting it from what it was originally meant to be about. In a league with many black athletes, the issue is clear to them. In a league with a lot of white ones, you get dumbasses like David Backes thinking it’s about The Flag or The Troops or The Anthem because they’ve never had to worry about a friend getting shot by a cop during a routine traffic stop.

Whether you respect Trump or think he’s racist, if you don’t see what the real issue with buddying up to him is, you’re trying really hard to avoid doing so. And while you’d expect that level of effort from rich white guys anyway — how many now play-act being appalled when Trump does something gross and bad for the 14th time in a week? — it’s nonetheless a thumb in the eye to every other athlete who actually has the courage of their convictions and doesn’t just go with the flow because it’s the easy thing to do.

For a sport in which everyone from top to bottom tries so hard to be uncontroversial at all times, you’d think these dumbasses would get why even associating with Trump at a time like this is insanely controversial. Nothing is normal anymore, though, and hockey’s willingness to associate with anyone who has Trump’s track record (that is, to openly court controversy) nicely highlights that issue.

5 – Not being on TV

LOVE the idea that NBC won’t show the NHL on any of its properties during the Olympics is some kind of F-U to Gary Bettman and the league. Makes a lot of sense. For sure.

Any Olympic event, like two-man blindfolded curling, is going to pull a better audience share than a Sabres/Wild game on Rivalry Night. That seems to be the bigger issue, to me.

4 – Blackouts

Speaking of not being on TV, one of the weirdest sagas of the NHL preseason is the fact that the NHL has repeatedly blacked out Vegas Golden Knights games…. in Las Vegas.

Again, we’re dealing with some real brain geniuses but this seems like something where you’d say, “Uhh, actually, don’t?” and someone would go, “Hmm, yes, that makes sense.”

3 – The Top 50

I feel so bad for Taylor Hall at this point. Did he run over a Norse god’s dog or something?

2 – Unsigned RFAs

Aaron Portzline at the Athletic says the Columbus Blue Jackets are only about $150,000 apart on a three-year deal for Josh Anderson, and that Anderson wants a $2 million AAV. And the team won’t budge.

And wouldn’t you know it, the Red Wings are still doing the same thing with Andreas Athanasiou. He’s sitting on a one-year KHL offer at $2.5 million or so, and the Wings came in at half that for one year or $1.9 million for two. No word, really, on what Athanasiou himself is seeking from the Wings, but that $2.5 million AAV sounds about right.

These are the last two RFAs that still don’t have contracts and we’re two weeks into training camps. At least with the Wings it’s something of a cap issue, but for Columbus, it’s not. That’s a club with almost $8 million in cap space. It’s nickel-and-dime BS.

I’ve said it before, but you can’t give some of the guys on those two roster the contracts they’ve gotten, then cry poor. Anderson is a promising 23-year-old who had 17 even-strength goals in a limited role last year. Athanasiou, as I’ve discussed at length, seems like he has some runway to improve as well. But these teams would rather jerk around two future “core” guys, such as they are, over less than a million dollars, combined.

Fun league.

1 – Sean Avery

It really takes some doing for me to kind of roll my eyes at any story that paints John Tortorella as a clown and a bad guy, but give it up to Sean Avery for achieving that goal.

This is a lot like the Dril tweet about taking off a Guy Fawkes mask and having the Joker makeup on under it. All set with this dude.

(Not ranked this week: Not signing Jagr.

Guaranteed he’s going to the KHL at least through the Olympics, if not for the whole season. What a waste.)

—

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

(All statistics via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 3 “WHITE GURL CAN TWERK” - Zakriah

Why do I feel like I just got saved from the most humiliating/awkward tribal council situation by a swap happening? Honestly I'm just worried about who I end up with but I know my days were numbered on temoana

I really don't want this tribe swap to happen, like I really like my tribe, oh well nothing I can do about it.

OKAY THIS IS AWKWARD i told karen mitchell was gunning for her but i wanna work with mitchell and karen osehfkjhkjfae and now tHEYRE BOTH ON MY TRIBE HELP MEEEEEEEE

So i already know whats gonna happen on that new tribe - Linus is gonna get in good with my Brown Arrow and the other vet is gonna get voted out, and after that I can totally see one of them whipping out an idol. I'm just worried Aro is gonna side with Linus over me now that they're on the same tribe, but I'm hoping not. TBH these tribes are gonna be quite a mess I can already tell.

so i'm all like :) :) :) just boppin about :) :) :) wonder who the rookies voted out haha :) :) :) hope it's not the icon L.A. lol haha :) :) )

then everyone's freakin out i'm like :) :) :) what's up dogs :) :) :) and they're like we switchin tribes :) :) :..................................???

AND I FUCKIN FREAKED THE FUCK OUT BC TRIBE SWAPS RARELY IF EVER ARE GOOD FOR MITCHELL KALABANG

IN MUCHACHU PIZZERIA I WAS THE ONLY FAN ON A TRIBE WITH 8 FAVORITES. IN MALAYSIA FANS AND FAVORITES WERE TIED AND WE ALMOST DREW ROCKS.

But I always found a way to survive, and I'll do so here, as for the first time in my Tumblr Survivor career, not only has the first tribe swap actually moved me to a different tribe, but it's done so while giving me a numbers advantage. The two people I most wanted to be here with (Dana, because we're tight, and Zak, because I know I've got him on lock and the other vets don't so he could've been fodder on any other tribe) are here and the one I was most wary of (Karen, because things were maybe awkward between us???) is here. We all seem on board with keeping the vets together. I like it. We're gonna be just fine so long as we stick together.

Allie and Willow... idk yall so goodbye. I'm gonna keep my ass' options open but this could be good and simple. I'm still wary of Karen but for now, there's no reason to get rid of her... so we'll do it later instead :)

i'm optimistic haha lol

Fuck my life...

Me and Willow are discussing my name and she got confused and asked if I had two middle names because I had said "zak" happens twice in my name and so I just go "Oh no it's zakriah wahid razzak" and if I had a nickel for every time ive heard that

It did come to mind, and I did kind of think that there's a small shot that Chrissa told her tribe about me, and honestly she probably went off about how much of a douche I am or how good of a player I was blah blah blah. I'm going to try to slide it into conversation with Lexi, Ryan or Matt, but so far, this isn't too bad of a swap. I'm with Jacob, which is great because I know he'd never vote me out, and also I know he's good at swaying people, and will hopefully be able to help get someone to swing onto our side, but I see it going 3-3 at the first vote, assuming our tribe even goes to tribal council, but I know Ryan is a consistent loser, and has been around for awhile, and that Lexi has won a season before, so I can use both of those facts to my advantage, and see where it takes me.

For now, I'm gonna socialize, wait to see how the immunity challenge goes, and take it from there. And now.... let's see if I can somehow scoop up an idol

(Slightly later)

So immediately getting to this new beach, I know I needed to jump, and I needed to do it FAST. I know Lexi is the winner of the bunch, so I proposed her a deal:

[4/5/17, 11:27:33 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Being alongside a past winner is certainly something that could benefit everyone [4/5/17, 11:27:37 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Or at least benefit me haha [4/5/17, 11:28:22 PM] lex: Haha most don't think that way so how can I benefit you ;) [4/5/17, 11:30:30 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Uhhhh [4/5/17, 11:30:32 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Well for starters [4/5/17, 11:30:38 PM] ~~Johnny~~: Working alongside a winner can teach you a lot [4/5/17, 11:30:44 PM] ~~Johnny~~: And I wouldn’t mind working alongside a winner ;) [4/5/17, 11:32:09 PM] ~~Johnny~~: I know that’s kinda jumping out of the gate, but I do think that in a swap like this, when it’s 3-3, having one REALLY strong connection with someone from the other tribe can really benefit both of the people involved, especially a relationship that people can’t see us walking into the woods and talking all the time, since we’re just kinda in each others DMs lmao [4/5/17, 11:34:04 PM] lex: Yeah I don't think anyone would suggest us as a duo lmao

Hook, Line and Sinker. I'm not entirely too sure how this will end up working out, but my new "Most Important Connection" has to be Lexi. Working alongside a past winner, and someone who has made merge twice is something that can be really valuable for my game, and I think that if she ends up sticking to her end of the deal, we'll both make it out of this tribe swap alive.

I'm completely tribe swap fucked which is what I was scared of most. Newbies are down 4-2 and there's nothing I can really do about it. The vets seem really close too, and I'm high key scared of them, so if we loose immunity then I'm fucked. So I'm gonna be overdramatic and cry, good night.

https://youtu.be/Hcp6Dthetcs

Whew! So much has happened since last round. Jacob, Johnny and I formed an alliance. We talked about adding other people, and eventually added Lily. Which I'm glad about, because I didn't want to end up with two conflicting alliances and Lily seems very trustworthy. Lily told me she has an idol, and Johnny and I are the only ones who know about it. It's crazy that she found it so early, but I'm glad I know where it is and that it's with someone I feel like I can trust. Star went unanimously at tribal - which I expected - and afterwards we found out we're switching tribes. We were all really sad, because I think we did feel a bit like a family even though we didn't know each other. Everyone was so nice and I don't think we would've wanted to vote out anyone else on our tribe. So we said our goodbyes, and we all decided to stick together as newbies on our new tribes to make sure that a veteran doesn't win. And although I'm feeling good about it, I'm nervous for the tribes that have two newbies vs four veterans, because they're either gonna go really early or they're gonna flip to stay safe.

I'm feeling good about my tribe though. We're four newbies, two veterans, and the newbies immediately got together and made an alliance chat. It's me, Lily, L.A., and Aro. I'm glad I've got Lily here, because you can never be 100% sure someone won't flip but I feel good about her, and I don't know the other two very well.

I talked to the two vets, Monty and Linus, who told me somewhat similar things about being on the Vet tribe? Linus said if Chrissa hadn't volunteered herself, he could've gone home. And Monty said that before she did, there were like, 5 different targets, and everyone was yelling at each other and it was messy. So it's nice to know that they're not as united as the newbies.

But now to the fun stuff...... Right when we got our new tribes, I go to search for the idol. And I found it, first try! This is my first ever idol and I'm so excited. And the fact that both Lily and I have one is crazy and so good on our part. Overall, I'm feeling good. But I miss the newbie tribe. We were all so pure and cute and not yet jaded to this game lmao.

So here we are all switched up and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little happy. I was in a pretty good spot with everyone on Temoana and was not about to lose that by like blindsiding Karen or something. Now I have Ryan and Lex who I'm very good and pretty good with respectively. I hope to Survivor Gods I can get this idol because that would be so ideal. I really don't want a 3-3 tie but I really wouldn't flip on the vets either, so I'm working my magic trying to sway Jacob who Lex might just be good with anyway and Johnny, the frat boy, which even though I don't like I think I can work to my advantage. I can tell if I just bro out with him we can vibe well together I can be bros with frat boys and be hunties with the more internetty people, I'm a social chameleon and I will do whatever it takes to put myself in the best position I can. So we'll see how this game goes. Hopefully they'll be smart and go with me because I plan on going far in this game with whoever benefits me the most.

WHEW! So, we swapped. It's me and Linus from the vets and Lily, Daisy, LA, and Aromal from the rookies, and at first this looks bad with me and Linus being down 4-2, but I really like this swap. I'm friends with Lily outside the game, and we have already talked about working together. On the old vets tribe, I was targeting Linus because I couldn't get a read on him, and you know what? Why stop now? I'd rather play with people I can predict and trust. Lily also mentioned that the rookies she liked the most are Daisy, who's on our tribe, LA, who's also on our tribe, and Johnny, who isn't. Which rookie is left out of that? Aromal. (Aromal also stans ugly Survivor players, so he can go?) So, Lily has gone to bed right now, but in the morning I am going to ask her if me, her, Daisy, and LA wanted to work together. I've already talked to Daisy for a good bit, and I just messages LA, so we'll see. Then from there, I can either play it off with Linus as "OMG WE FLIPPED THE NUMBERS!" or vote with all the newbies and play it off as "I needed to survive". TBH I don't know where that went, I stopped halfway through this confessional and restarted, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ok so we had a tribe swap. Part of me felt it coming? But not like enough to think it would actually happen. I don't hate my tribe. I think we are strong challenge wise. I got put here with Lexi and Matt from the vets tribe and I feel okay about that? I did a lot of talking with Matt and a bunch before the swap with Lexi but I don't think they talked a lot. And we are split 3-3. So our goal is to get one of the newbies to flip to us and we already discussed going to rocks for each other. Then last night Lexi tells us the idol clue and we all go looking. Guess who fucking found it. This old idiot! Guess who isn't telling a soul about it. This old idiot! I feel bad because it was Lexi's clue and Matt's figuring out the clue that led me to it...but sucks to suck byeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well this swap ended up looking preeeeetty badly on the surface. A bit deeper down I may not be 100% fucked, but its uncertain. As it stands Im pretty confident I can play a better social game than Monty, so it's time to kiss some ass. I was at the bottom multiple times in Myanmar, but if there was one thing I could do it was get people from the other side to join forces with me. I swear to god I'm going to make these fuckers LOVE me! I know Aro from the wikia community, we played in Sumbawa together, and we've already talked and said we want to work together. On top of that, I've been talking to L.A a lot and we get along like a house on fire. When I asked her about working together though she did say she really got the same sense that we should work together, but is hesitant. To be fair from what she's told me this is her very first org so I can't blame her too much for wanting to play safe. Lily and that other girl I forget the name of are boring as fuck though, especially Lily, that other girl at least responds and is kind enough or whatever, its just clear she doesn't want to get too involved with the vets. I've never understood why you would play a social game though and just neglect that aspect completely. I dunno man. Anyways, L.A is apparently super tight with Lily, which means I have to kiss the ass of the person I've found it hardest to talk to since playing with fucking Ting Ting and Leah. I call my current plan the "Throw people under the bus for shit they didn't do strategy". Right now Im trying to sell that the freaking minority alliance on the Vets of Monty, Karen and Lexi were running the show over there, and that Karen being the ringleader tried to target me round one until Chrissa quit. Of course, I realize the dramatic irony for those watching that those three were on the outs and Karen was almost first boot haha. Next round, if I get get Monty out, Im going to start a rumour that Daisy and a Vet are irl friends, and try to stir the pot that way >:) . I just have to last a few rounds until a swap comes again and I can start a new. Wish me luck my dudes.

(please put this in bold on the tumblr post) Why The Hell Is It So Hard To Properly Edit Relationships In A Manner That Will Get The Right People Voted Out At The Right Times In This Damn Reward Challenge: a best-selling novel by Lily Owen

The swap came and I got on the Temoana tribe. I mean, it could have been worse. Imagine being in the 4-2 minority tribe, but I could also have been in the 4-2 majority one. Right now we're split 3-3 but it could all change.

The new tribe is cool and I like the vets who joined. Lex is really nice and is probably the vet I'd love to keep around here. And then of course I have my alliance with Jacob and Johnny from the original Makira.

The new reward challenge is up and I feel as if I'm one of the only two people actively trying alongside Ryan. I mean it's just a reward, but you could at least put some effort into it. I hate playing on a losing tribe, and it would suck in this situation because I might be in danger of being voted. I don't think anybody knows who might get votes if we lose the immunity challenge.

That reward challenge was really hard. Like last night when I was messing around with the simulator I was trying to make Eddie the first boot but then he ended up winning it all gjkhdlkfjhs

No but on a more serious note I worked with the simulator for like 2 hours and I think I ended up getting roughly like 50ish points its probably less though. But I'm really hoping we win this reward challenge because it'll give us a 10% advantage in the next immunity challenge.

(Slightly later)

SOIDFUASODIF I got a lot less than 50 points, I very much miscalculated it so please ignore everything I've ever said  

Well apparently Im a challenge beast so far this game, surviving the entire endurance and now getting almost as much as the next two highest scores combined in the brantesteele thing. I don't attribute that to me being good though, all these other people were god awful. Like, how the hell did Willow get 35?? Did she just run a completely random brantsteele once and be like "Meh good enough"?? I feel like it takes a person who is intentionally trying to make their team lose to do that bad, idk man. L.A pulled through on the challenge too though, same with Aro and even Lily kinda.

On that note I finally got in a decent conversation with Lily. Granted, she isn't much one to give me anything to talk about. When I ask a question she doesn't really ask anything back and that makes it hard for a conversation to flow, but she at least had some personality tonight so that was cool to not feel like I  was talking to somebody who was totally bored and seemed like they didn't even want to be here. I want to start an alliance with Aro, Lily and of course L.A. The 4 of us are the ones who want to and deserve to be here from what I can tell. If I had my way, Daisy would go first any day of the week, however, my best move is still to throw Monty under the bus, which sucks because he is probably more invested than Daisy, but hey, I gotta look out for number 1 first. Im winning this game, and if that means Monty gets sacrificed along the way so be it! That or Im going to be next boot and all these ranting about how awesome I am will be for not because Ill lose horribly and have been outplayed by almost everyone. Theres a good chance of that too :P .

SO we had a swap, that was terrible. I was lucky enough to get on the tribe where Rookies have the numbers so naturally we're working together. HOWEVER, the rookies I'm with are the ones I've bonded with the least, and nothing about that has changed since the swap. Maybe that's my fault, for not reaching out more but I also don't want to come across as annoying. Honestly, I would rather work with Linus, a VET. (gasp of horror) He is someone I actually talk to, it doesn't feel overly forced so he is someone I'd like to keep around. I realize this was probably his goal, be likable, flip a couple rookies and he's safe. Because in situations like this, its common for the original tribe to stick together when they have the numbers and he's smart enough to realize this. My problem now is do I wanna risk working with him? Or do the safe thing and just stay with my 'alliance' and get the two vets out if it comes to it, or try and make a move to work with people I like? Its tough because I don't wanna be the first rookie to flip, not after all our 'we'll stick together guys' that was happening in the tribe as we waited on swap results. 

If I work with Linus, he is potentially someone I could continue to work with into the merge, he SAYS he didn't have set alliances yet, do I trust him on that? Hell no. (But its doubtful I'll trust anyone in this game,  even Jacob.)  I'm just trying to decide if its worth the risk or not, he's good in competitions and I like that in someone I work it, even though later on it could become a huge problem as of right now its a good thing. He is also a very smart and social player and I feel like I could learn a thing or two from him. I don't know, I need to figure out how I wanna play this game, what will be best for me in the long run. 

No one in my tribe is being helpful for this challenge and its frustrating. Everyone is answering very limitedly, not answering any of my questions, barely doing any brainstorming with me... like how many times do I have to say that we should plan some of the shots we want before anyone starts giving suggestions? I'm trying really hard not to come off as bossy, but this is so frustrated. At this point I have no idea what the finished product will look like, or if everyone will even film something given Lily doesn't want to show her face on camera, L.A. is busy and Monty has barely said anything. That's half our tribe with big question marks on them. I'm so incredibly frustrated, I feel like we're gonna lose.

Daisy is pissing me off. I get that it's only the first fucking verse and chorus we need to learn, but it will look way better if we give people certain parts because then we can choreograph what we are fucking doing. Smh.

An extension of my last confessional. This wouldn't be so irritating if I felt like I had any power over here. Daisy is able to act like a total isolationist and doesn't have to worry at all about doing shit because of how the numbers of this fucking swap turned out. Meanwhile, Im here playing my ass off just to try and survive one more round.

In other news a pseudo alliance has started with Lily, L.A and myself I think. I don't get the best gut feeling that they intend to be fully loyal to it, I think both probably still intend to keep the fans strong, but I just have to have them think Im the better choice of veteran to keep for now. Grrr, I hope this works :( .

Honestly, going into this immunity challenge, I’m nervous as shit. I know that I’ve got Jacob, and hopefully still Luca. Matt tried to propose a four person alliance with me and the vets, and it’s something I might consider doing, depending how long it takes for our tribe to lose immunity, in order to keep Jacob and I safe, but I do know the rookies would be very mad with my decision to flip on the vets, so it’s a tough decision to weigh. I do have a very bad feeling that we’re going to end up hitting a 3-3, and it might come down to luck after that, but for now, I’m just trying to keep optimistic, but I’ve actually never been this scared in a game before, so only time will tell where everyone is going to end up.

I do have a lot of confidence in our music video, but I'm really not ready to see who gets the disadvantage, and also who ends up winning this immunity, so I'm nervous as shit. I hope the other teams don't have an editor like we do :S

allie seems like the most reserved girl on the planet and ive literally almost never spoken to her but she literally fucking POPPED AWF in her submission for the video like WHITE GURL CAN TWERK where has THIS ALLIE BEEN

I'm the worst because I keep forgetting to write confessionals oops. Anyway a lot has happened I guess, so there's a lot to talk about. First off Allie told me that there's a rumor/clue or whatever that the idol is hidden somewhere in the sunken ship. This is great news especially since we're down 4-2, but we both already looked this round and didn't find it, so we really need to win this next immunity challenge. Anyway I talked to Karen and she said that she's on the bottom of her tribe and that she might be willing to flip to me and Allie which is great news! I'm not 100% sure if we can trust her though, but she did give us the information that the vets had about where the idol isn't, so I'm really hoping me and Allie can trust her since she might be the only thing we have that'll keep us safe.

Anyway on a funny note, while I was trying to film my thing for the music video earlier today my neighbors were having some sort of picnic for their baby and dog, and so I completely embarrassed myself by lip singing to Potential Breakup Song oops.  

(Slightly later)

I'm so stressed that we're gonna loose this challenge because then there's a high likelihood that it'll be me or Allie going home and I don't want that. Our video is probably gonna turn out really good but Idk I'm just worried.  

ahhhhh i feel so bad, because our video lowkey sucks, and its lowkey my fault. i dont fault daisy at all, she did the best with what she had and could work with, but that wasnt a whole lot :///// anyways, i think we're gonna lose .-.

well, this was a fun game .-. can't wait to go home tomorrow

Its pretty frustrating that my alliance doesn't wanna split the vote. Why not take the safe route? Is a revote so inconvenient that you'd rather lose someone from your own alliance ?

Well I've been in sunny Mejico for the past few days so lemme fill everyone in with what I've been up to. It seems like I've actually convinced people I don't suck at challenges which is good, I spearheaded the Moana plan so I think I've tested my ability to take charge. I've pulled in fratty fratboy by saying bro and dude in all my convos and it seems like he'd really be down to work with me unless he is extremely crafty and is playing me, which is only really possible with an idol because I'm not flipping to the rookie side while he said he would definitely vote a rookie. Now we won but unfortunately it's 4-2 rookies on Ulawa so hopefully some magic saves a veteran but if not I'll probably work on aligning myself with more of these rookies just in case they have numbers.

Well, Aromal's got his work cut out for him tonight. He knows Linus is good at challenges so he may just keep him and vote out Monty, who was gunning for me earlier, or he could vote him out bc he knows he's good at making it to f3, or he could flip and take out a rookie and work with me at merge :) the last one is wishful thinking, but we aren't husbands for nothing

Hi it's me you're favorite rookie Jacob. So going into this new tribe I was fairly nervous. It could be worse, but at least the numbers are even 3-3! On one hand you have Lexi telling me she hates vets vs rookies and thinks its boring and on the other hand u have Matt telling Johnny how close he is too Lexi and Ryan and how much he trusts them. I would be feeling more comfortable if I was with more reliable rookies. Johnny is alright but Luca drives me nuts The other day he was talking all up in the main chat about how blackout wasted he was which screamed LOOK AT ME UNNECCESARY NEGATIVE ATTENTION! Works for me because If I have to, he will go to keep Johnny and I safe! I am just chilling we won the immunity and I am proud of us. The video wasn't the BEST but it was good enough to win which was nice! Ulawa lost which is the tribe of 4-2 rooks to vets and I am hoping that the rooks take out a vet because I know Monty doesn't like me because of past drama and Idk Linus. I know Lily has an idol so it should be good as long as the other rooks stick to the plan we made to stay together moving forward. I want to form an alliance with maybe Ryan Lexi Johnny and myself to have a majority 2 vets 2 rooks will be nice, so hopefully we can keep ourselves safe. The best bet is to keep winning immunities and keep beasting through until another tribe swap or merge

This tribal went from 0 to 60 in 3.5. So, it looked like it was down to the rookies deciding between me and Linus to go, and each of us having a 50/50 shot of staying. But see, I don't like passively sitting by hoping I come out on the better end of a 50% chance. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

I first tried talking to Lily and Daisy to get an answer out of them on weather or not it would be me or Linus going, but they both talked in the tribe chat and ignored me, so that sent off red flags. If they had both just like, you know, messaged me back, I don't think this would be happening right now. I'd be voting out Linus and keeping my damn mouth shut and just letting come what may. Because I trusted Lily specifically and Daisy to a lesser extent, so if they said that Linus was the vote, alright, that's done, let's focus on winning the next challenge. But they didn't so here I am wondering what the fuck is going on.

So I started talking to Aromal. Nobody has really been talking to us and so he brought up the idea of voting out Linus now, and then teaming up to take out one of the three rookies. The problem with that is that there would be three of them and two of us, so I was like, "lol, Linus is probably desperate right now, too. Let's just fast forward that one week where we know we can get at least a tie vote." And it took some convincing, and some throwing Lily under the bus, but I think it worked. I just told him Lily has been wanting him gone, and we was almost sold. Wake up this morning, and he's totally on board. So then Linus seems on board, and we only need one more person to flip to get our way, or everyone to stay strong to just go to rocks. And tbh, I would much rather force a rock draw and get rocked out than let 4 rookies decide to send me home. First, rocks is a 1/4 chance, and second, getting rocks drawn means I did something to try and save myself, and it was the right move, I just pulled the wrong rock.

So, Lily. She's gonna get her own paragraph. I used to not understand why she was always an early boot/target, but I understand it now. She makes people sketched out. One moment, when we were just swapped, she was talking about how many connections she had on the tribe, and how she could mastermind this and mastermind that. And then we were talking, and I trusted her, so if she'd given me the ok, you're good, the numbers aren't going to you, then I would've been fine with it. There we go have a good day, let's not come back to tribal. But she didn't. And I knew she saw my message and left me on read because I saw her talking in the tribe chat after I sent my message, and I know she saw me in there too, because I was also talking. And then Aro is sketched out by her for good reason because she's been throwing his name around, and then who knows what LA and Daisy think of her. Lily says she close with those two, but Aro says they get kinda annoyed with her sometimes, so who knows. She's a great player physically, and probably strategically, and her social game isn't bad, it's just off. She could be a huge threat if she just changed her social game and her presence in chats a little bit. It sucks, too, because I was really excited to play with her, but I can't play with someone who talks sketchy.

So kiddos, heres the  scoop. Everyone was going to be voting Monty, but then Lily went and told Monty the vote was on Aro, and now Aro is freaking out and wants to target Lily with Monty and I. I'm undecided what to do at this point, Im technically in an alliance with Lily, so Im trying to weigh the options rn. Im going off of the  assumption that we attend one more tribal before a swap atm. Pros to keeping Monty. One, it means Im in the top 3 on the tribe with Aro and him. Two, He's indebted to me for a while at least. Three, Rocks are fun as hell :^) . four, if he goes I could be next, it would be between Aro and I. On the flip side, the disadvantages One, I ruin my chances of working with fans. two I could get rocked out. Three, if Aro gets rocked out I could very well be the next to go. four, Lily is better at comps than Monty I think.

Grr, I don't know what to do...

WE'RE GOING TO ROCKS MY STOMACH IS IN KNOTS I MIGHT LITERALLY PUKE FROM ANXIETY DURING TRIBAL TBH