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literallykenmaandshoyo · 2 years ago

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Half Of My Heart

TimeSkip!Satori Tendou x Female!Reader

Warnings: Language, Satori and Reader are both oblivious ASF, Wakatoshi and Reader are lowkey besties~, just fluff!

Word Count: 4.9k

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! I spent a lot of time with Mod Kenma the other day and it was the absolute best! We were talking a lot about our AU's and headcanons that we have and we even wrote for a while together! My visit was long overdue! Anyways, this is the last Tendou fic (Maybe) That I'll be writing for a while! I love time skip Satori so so much! I'm a little iffy on how I ended things, but hopefully you all like it! Enjoy everyone <3 ~Mod Shoyo <3

It was so painstakingly obvious that Tendou had a crush.

She wasn’t just some girl he saw walking around school, someone that he just happened to run into by pure luck. She was perfect. From the very first time he saw her standing on the opposite side of the court at one of his games, he knew that she was going to be the love of his life. He was never one to believe in soulmates or love at first sight, but she managed to change his mind. He could see the red string tying their hearts together, the moment that she met his gaze he knew that he needed to have her.

His entire third year at Shiratorizawa was spent pining over her. Asking her to come visit his dorm so they could read manga together, taking her to his favorite bakeries and cafes, inviting her over to help him “practice” when he knew that he did enough of that already. Any excuse that he could find to spend time with her, he never hesitated to make plans.

Tendou couldn’t help the tears that welled up in his eyes when he saw her at his graduation ceremony. He could hear her screaming and cheering for him when he picked up his diploma from the principal’s hands. She was still a second year, yet she didn’t miss a beat when it came to supporting him. She came to see him and Ushijima graduate and get on with their lives. He remembered leaning over to tell Wakatoshi that she had come. The face that Ushijima made was forever engraved in his mind. Ushijima smiled as brightly as he ever had before.

“Where is she sitting?”

After the ceremony, Y/N walked out to meet their best friends with open arms. Ushijima pulled her into a tight hug and thanked them what sounded like a million times for coming. Y/N then excitedly threw herself at Tendou, the bouquet of red tulips that she had bought for him being flung around a little too harshly. She didn’t care, though.

“I’m so proud of you, Tori.” The waterworks started up and soon enough, Satori was wiping the salty tears that rolled down his cheeks.

He looked down at the bouquet in her hands and gave her a big smile. The dimples that turned his lips upward were on full display and Y/N could feel her heart melting. She outstretched the flowers towards him with slightly shaking hands and a quivering lip.

“These are for you. I picked the prettiest red flowers I could find just for you, I can’t tell you enough how happy I am for you.”

That’s when tears started to roll down Y/N’s cheeks and her quivering lips shifted into a sad pout. She sniffled and wiped away her tears, looking down at her shoes to avoid Satori’s gaze. Tendou felt his heart shatter for her. Yet somehow, just a small part of his mind couldn’t help but be elated at the fact that she cared about him enough to cry over the fact that he was leaving soon.

“Now, now, why is such a pretty lady crying over little ‘ol me?”

Even on the saddest day of his life, he still managed to sound just as energetic as always.

“Don’t you shed another tear over this.”

Tendou curled his index finger and used it to wipe the stray tear that just fell from her eyes. He happily took the flowers from her hands and brought them up to his nose for him to sniff. He let out a happy sigh and set them down safely. He was quick to bring her into his arms for a more intimate hug this time. He was petting her hair and rested his cheek on the top of her head. Despite how sweet those flowers smelled, nothing quite matched the way that she always smelled. He had grown fond of the shampoo and conditioner she used, as well as the lotions and perfumes she’d use. You’d think that it would be a jumble of a bunch of random smells, but it was quite the opposite. She smelled delicious to him, every single scent of her products blended together and created a scent that was absolutely unmatched.

That night, Satori planned on spilling his guts.

He was going to tell her about how he’s felt for the entire school year and that he wanted nothing more than for her to be his. But when finally had a moment to himself, he found himself thinking it was rather selfish of him. How could he tell her that he was in love with her when he was just about to leave for Paris and start his career? To have her just sit here and wait for him until the next time they got to visit each other was something that he couldn’t bear to think of. So instead, he settled for kissing her. He didn’t even get to kiss her for as long as he wanted to, but it's a form of intimacy he’s wanted to share with her for so long. So many times he had to hold himself back and remember that best friends don’t kiss each other, that he had to limit himself no matter how badly he wanted to. He felt her kiss him back and that’s all the reassurance he needed.

“Until next time,” He sighed.

It had been two years since Tendou had left for Paris. Y/N couldn’t help but feel disappointed when he didn’t get to make it to her graduation. But from what she’s heard from Wakatoshi, Tendou’s career had really taken off.

Despite Satori saying that he wanted to get interviewed when they made a documentary about Ushijima’s life during high school, it was actually Ushijima that got interviewed when Satori earned himself a show on TV. ‘Miracle Sweets’ had gotten popular in France and the show was getting broadcasted everywhere. Y/N had the pleasure of watching the debut of the show.

He shaved his head.

That was the first thing she noticed and it made her giggle. Despite the buzzcut he had, he was still the same old Satori. He measured his chocolate mixtures with feeling, he baked and cooked with love, he sounded the same.

On one special episode, Y/N noticed that he had subtly mentioned her while he was waiting for the mixture to set. She was doing the dishes while watching the show. The second that he mentioned her, she dropped a glass cup on the floor and didn’t even flinch when it shattered at her feet.

“I’m making this chocolate for a good friend of mine. She always told me how she loved the Ferrero Rocher chocolates and I made it a mission to always get them for her when I could.” He smiled to himself and looked down into the bowl fondly.

“Paradise, if you’re watching this, I hope you think these chocolates look just as delicious as your Ferrero Rocher’s”

Tears welled up in Y/N’s eyes once more. She finally felt like moving and quickly swept up the cup she had dropped onto the floor. In a frenzy, she looked for her phone and dialed Wakatoshi’s number.

“Do you play in France anytime soon?”

A few months later, Y/N was on a plane to Paris to go and watch one of Ushijima’s games. Despite how much she loved to support Waka at his games, Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if Satori would be close by. Maybe one of his stores was nearby, or maybe he’d come to the game as a surprise to support Wakatoshi.

Y/N sighed anxiously as the plane started to land. What if there was a reason he hadn't contacted her? She didn't have his new number, none of his socials, all she knew about him was whatever she heard on TV or from Wakatoshi.

She just hoped that coming to Paris was a good idea.

The days leading up to Ushijima’s game were filled with lots of “sightseeing” and touring all around Paris. Y/N had actually found the famous bakery that Tendou owned now, but when asking to see him, she was told that he had taken a vacation week and wasn’t going to be back until next week. She felt hopeless. Her brain started to flood with memories and every single one made her question whether or not it was a good idea to even try and find him. He was busy, he was so successful, why would he have time for someone that had a crush on him in high school?

Y/N decided that she would just make the rest of her time in Paris with Waka.

Y/N quickly started to have fun once she was watching Ushijima in his element. She'd been doing this since they started attending his games in high school. Every time he was on the court he was always a force to be reckoned with. It was crazy to know that even as an adult now, he still managed to intimidate and confuse players with his talent the same way he did as a fresh eighteen year old.

The game was so intriguing to watch; nothing new. Y/N felt like she was going to lose her voices in the morning from how much she had screamed and cheered for Wakatoshi. It all felt so nostalgic. Once the Adlers had won the game, adding onto their winning streak of ten games in a row, Y/N made her way down from the stands to the court to meet up with Ushijima. Upon seeing her, Wakatoshi smiled and wiped his face with the towel he was given. He opened his arms for her and brought her in for a small hug

“Did you have any luck finding Tendou?”

Y/N shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. “I just figured I’d stop looking. I’ve spent so long looking for him,”

Ushijima let out a dissatisfied hum. “That’s not like you at all,”

Y/N raised an eyebrow and met eyes with the professional volleyball player. “The Y/N that Tendou introduced me to in high school was persistent, and didn’t give up. Why would you give up on searching for him?”

Y/N couldn’t help but agree with Ushijima, but she also thought about how defeated and sad she's been since she landed in France. It was tiring to spend all two years searching for someone and feel like they’re not even bothering to do the same. She’s just tired of looking and feeling like everything was so one-sided.

“I’ve had something to tell him for two years, Waka. I’ve held onto it for two years but I still don’t even know if he’d like what he hears, or if he even wants to hear it. It’s exhausting.”

Ushijima just stayed quiet. After grabbing all of his things, the two of them walked out of the stadium to look for somewhere to eat dinner before heading back to the hotel they had booked. It was freezing outside and Y/N wished that she would have packed warmer things, then again, it was summer time. The nights normally aren’t this cold.

The sounds of volleyball fans calling out to Ushijima were sitting behind Y/N’s head as they continued to walk to the restaurant. She wondered how Ushijima had grown so accustomed to just ignoring everyone’s screams, Y/N felt like her head was going to explode if she heard one more person ask Ushijima for a picture or for his autograph. Then again, Ushijima was already a tough cookie to break.

“Wakatoshi!” There it was again.

Y/N wanted to cover her ears like a little kid to drown out all of the noise. Her head was pounding and all of the cameras that were flashing and following them made her want to just go home, pop some Excedrins, and go to bed.

“Wakatoshi-kun!”

Just keep walking. Y/N kept repeating this in her head as she took each step. She was following directly behind Ushijima, who kept turning around to make sure that Y/N was still behind him every little while. Y/N didn’t hate being Ushijima's friend at all, but she the baggage it came with. She looked like she was just following Ushijima around like a lost puppy. Like some dog that was trying to find its way back home.

“Ushiwaka-kun!”

Ushijima stopped dead in his tracks and it made Y/N crash into his back. Y/N groaned and looked up at Ushijima, only to see that he had vanished already. When Y/N turned around, all of her discouraged and ugly thoughts from while they were walking completely vanished.

“I-Is that?”

Y/N couldn’t believe her eyes, she felt like she was going to cry and throw up at the same time. Her heart was pounding against her chest, she felt like it was going to break through her skin and jump out of her body. Her breathing was erratic and she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. He was so gorgeous. Even with his crazy red hair gone, she still couldn’t help but fawn over him. Her Tendou. Her Satori. He was finally here, right in front of her.

Ushijima was hugging him, laughing at something that she couldn’t hear them talking about. It wasn’t until one of Wakatoshi’s slender fingers pointed into her direction that Tendou’s ruby eyes finally shifted over to look at her. The lump in the back of Y/N's throat was sore. She couldn’t even speak. Everything felt like it was in slow-motion.

Her legs weren’t walking fast enough, her mouth wasn’t moving fast enough, her heartbeat stilled inside of her chest the second that his eyes met her own. Her hearing was gone, she couldn’t focus on one audible thing around her. But thank god she could read lips, because she saw his lips move to speak her name.

Tendou pushed through the crowd of people to get to her, his still tall and lanky figure towering over her short stature. Her dark doe eyes stared up at him in wonder and her lip was quivering again, just like when he left after graduation. This feeling in his chest was like an old friend. His heart was thumping at the sight of her, his legs felt weak and his knees were ready to buckle.

“Look at you,” Tendou scoffed in disbelief. “Is that really you?”

Y/N nodded frantically, tears streaming down her face.

“It’s me, It’s me!”

Tendou wore a bright smile and nearly tackled her to the ground once she responded to him. His arms engulfed her into a hug and he lifted her off the ground, digging his nose into the crook of her neck. She still smelled exactly the same, the same scent that he absolutely adored. It was flooding his senses and he felt like he was home again. One of his hands gripped the back of her head to hold her impossibly closer to him, while the other was wrapped around her waist.

“You’re still as beautiful as ever, Paradise. You haven’t changed a bit.”

Y/N smiled through her dampened eyelashes. “You still look just like my Tori, just with no hair!”

The pair of old friends giggled and intertwined themselves together once more in another hug.

Tendou turned to face Wakatoshi now, still holding onto Y/N tightly. “You guys should come to my place! Have you eaten yet? I’d love to cook for you and catch up!”

Ushijima smiled. With an affirmative nod, Tendou was leading the two of them back to his house, Y/N's hand tightly woven with his fingers.

Tendou’s success was very noticeable once you saw his house. Despite the mansion that most people would assume he’d have, it was actually just a very nice, modern two-story house. His front yard’s grass was perfectly trimmed, the car that was in the driveway obviously wasn’t cheap, yet he somehow still managed to keep it on the more humble side.

Third-year Tendou probably would’ve bought a Lamborghini just for the sake of saying he had enough money to buy one, but this Tendou seemed to have matured a great deal. He was living in luxury, but he still managed to keep himself humble with everything his money went to.

Watching Satori in the kitchen was just as riveting as watching Ushijima play volleyball. He was in his element, throwing spices into the pan and using his heart to cook. This was the first time since watching him play in high school that Y/N really noticed how focused he was. Tendou in the kitchen was by no means quiet, however. He was keeping conversation almost effortlessly while he waited for the soup he was making to simmer.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been home to visit in a while,” Tendou sighed. “This business is really taking it out of me, there’s always something to do once I finish one thing.”

After the soup was served, Tendou was pleased to see that Y/N had gone for thirds. Ushijima had gotten so full that he felt ready to head to bed the second he finished his second bowl. Tendou offered to let Y/N stay with him, so Ushijima could have no worries when heading back to his hotel. After Wakatoshi double checked, he left, hugging Tendou tightly and thanking him for dinner.

Once it was Satori and Y/N all alone, that’s when the gravity of how long it had been since they’d seen each other really sank in.

“I never stopped waiting, you know.” Y/N spoke up. Tendou looked at her from across his dining table and sat up taller. “These past two years, I’ve waited for a sign, or for an opportunity that would lead me to you.”

Tendou looked down at his fingers that were tapping on the glass table. “I didn’t stop thinking about you. Not for a second.” He replied.

Y/N let out a small huff and looked up at him. “I tried to find ways to contact you, the only way I managed to get through was by telling Ushijima to text you that I was thinking of you and missed you.”

Satori stayed quiet. “You know, I’ve been holding onto something for so long, and I really need to get it out. I meant to tell you the last night that I saw you before I left, but no time ever felt right.”

Y/N raised a brow and waited for him to explain himself. “That night, when I kissed you.” He began. “I didn’t plan on kissing you. I was actually going to confess. I was going to tell you that I was in love with you and I wanted to be with you.”

Y/N’s heart sank in her chest. She could’ve had him two years ago? She could have avoided all of this had he confessed that night? Had she confessed that night? She was too lost in the ‘what if’s’ to even respond to his story.

“I figured it’d be selfish of me to tell you that I was in love with you and then just get up and leave for Paris the next morning.”

Y/N was speechless. She got up from her chair across from him at the table, and moved to the one that was right next to his seat instead.

“Tori, you really meant to confess to me?”

He nodded and rubbed his face with his hands. He let out a harsh sigh. “Not confessing to you that night is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I probably would’ve been able to have you here with me while I go through all of this. I wouldn’t have been so alone, and I’d be even happier because the woman that I love would be right by my side.”

Y/N could feel a blush rising up to her cheeks. He wasn’t even speaking in the past tense about his feelings. It was a small detail, but it changed the entire meaning of everything he said. The woman that I love.

“I meant to tell you my feelings for you on the day of your graduation. Ushi helped me pick out red tulips because they symbolize confession. But when I was at your graduation party, I just got so nervous and choked up and I couldn’t do it. I kinda just silently prayed you’d read into the text a little bit more and research the flowers.”

Satori’s head picked up and his eyes locked with hers. That thumping of his heart came back once more and a smile spread across his face. Y/N couldn’t help but notice how well these two years had done him. He still looked like third-year Satori, but something in the way he spoke now showed more confidence. None of that false arrogance that he had when he spoke to people was there anymore. He seemed comfortable with who he was finally, and Y/N couldn’t help but feel emotional noticing that.

“Well, looks like we were both too scared to say anything, huh?”

She sighed through her nostrils and shook her head. “Guess so,” She let out a soft chuckle and looked back up at Tendou.

His ruby eyes were piercing through hers, she felt so warm under his gaze. The silence between them was so uncomfortable, Y/N never had to sit in silence with Tendou like this ever. After getting what they needed to say off their chests, she wasn’t sure what to do next.

“Do you,” Tendou began. He paused almost as if he was going to regret asking his question. “Still feel the same?

Y/N looked down at her lap again and twiddled with her thumbs for a bit.

This was so hard to admit. How was she going to just tell him that the whole reason she’d been waiting for him throughout these two years is because she thought she still had a chance with him? That she turned down multiple confessions and dates because she felt like she was betraying him.

“It’s been two years,” She spoke hoarsely. “And my feelings haven’t changed one bit.”

The weight of the world came off of Tendou’s shoulders. He sat up straighter in his seat and he couldn’t help the excited smile that spread across his face. The more that he stared at her, the more he could feel his feelings for her rushing back to him.

Although, they never truly left.

Every time he was making a new chocolate, or experimenting with sweets at his shop, he couldn’t help but think of her and what she would think of his new creations. He’d fantasized about her being in the kitchen with him, begging to lick the spoon that he had mixed his chocolate with. He would giggle to himself when he would imagine her cute little face scrunching up with delight once she realized how delicious his concoctions were. He imagined her face looking the same as when he first introduced her to one of his favorite bakeries and he had her try a chocolate croissant. Her eyes were tightly shut and she was licking melted chocolate off her fingers, humming with delight as she licked her lips.

Tendou cleared his throat to clear the silence between them once more. His eyes lit up with excitement and then he stood up from his chair to head over to the fridge. “Actually, now that you’re here with me, I need you to try something for me.”

Y/N shimmied in her chair a bit. “Ooh! I was actually going to buy something from your shop when I was looking for you earlier today, everything looked so delicious!”

Tendou chuckled and puffed his chest out confidently. He pulled a tray out of his freezer that was covered with plastic wrap and pulled the wrap off. Just by Y/N taking a peak, she immediately saw that it was chocolate. She smiled eagerly and watched him put a couple pieces on a small plate.

“Well, this item is off the menu until further notice,” Satori smirked, placing the plate down in front of her.

“Tell me what you think.”

Y/N picked up the chocolate in between her pointer finger and thumb. Tendou was standing off to the side with his hands behind his back to wait for her thoughts. He looked like the contestants on those competitive cooking shows waiting to hear feedback from the famous chef that’s judging them. But Y/N didn’t have nowhere near as refined taste buds as a famous chef. Tendou could feel his heart pounding in his chest the second that her perfect lips wrapped around his creation.

She curled her hand into a fist and banged it onto the table a couple of times. Tendou chuckled at her reaction and waited for her to swallow to hear her start talking about what she just tasted.

“Tori, this is the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth.” She sighed. “I want to buy a hundred dollars worth of this so I can have it when I’m back home!”

Satori’s smile only widened at her praise and his heart felt full. His eyes looked like half-crescent moons when he smiled and Y/N was too busy appreciating her third piece of chocolate that she had popped into her mouth.

I’m so so glad that you like it,” Tendou sighs in relief. “Because I made them just for you. I named them Paradise chocolates. I was waiting for your approval so that way I can put it as a special item on the menu.”

Y/N gasped and looked into Tendou’s eyes. She stood up from her seat and wrapped her arms around Satori excitedly. “Tori, you’re serious? That’s so sweet of you!”

Satori gladly accepted her hug and held her close to him. He forgot how good it felt to have her in his arms. After working his limbs to the bone every single day and coming home so exhausted, he’d kill to have her waiting for him as soon as he walks through the door. More than anything, he wanted to see her standing in the doorway waiting for him, her cute little face adorning that gorgeous smile she has with open arms.

Y/N pulled away from their hug and looked up into his ruby eyes. The two of them had yet another moment of silence fall over them, but this one was different. There was a tension that the both of them were too oblivious to notice. Tendou’s eyes fell from her eyes to her lips, shifting back and forth between the two features of her face a couple of times. They both started to inch closer to each other’s faces slowly, as if they were unsure of what the other would think of their actions. Tendou was finally the one to close the gap between them and smashed his lips onto hers. Y/N visibly relaxed into the kiss and moved her hands from his neck to the back of his buzzed head. The grip Satori had on her waist tightened as he pulled her into his body more.

His heart was pleading to burst right out of his chest, Y/N could feel their two elevated heartbeats beating in sync with one another. She couldn’t help but feel like this kiss was long overdue. She’d had so many things to tell him, so many feelings that she needed to show him, but she was so glad that she could put all of her pent up frustration and how much she missed him into just this one kiss. Satori swiped his tongue over her bottom lip to bring a blush up to the apples of her cheeks. Her lungs were burning but she didn’t want the kiss to end. It wasn’t until Satori gripped her bottom lip in between his teeth and pulled away from her that she finally took in a deep breath.

“When do you leave back home?” Tendou queried, his chest still heaving with uneven breaths.

“Two days.” Y/N responded a bit glum. “This sucks.”

Tendou smirked and gripped her hips tightly in his fingers. He gave them a small squeeze. “Wanna know what wouldn’t suck?”

Y/N stayed silent and raised an eyebrow.

“Being mine.”

She blushed deeply and looked down at her feet. Satori tried to meet her gaze as she looked down at the floor, trying to find the answer in her expression.

“How about we put that to the test?”

#anime #anime x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #karasuno #shiratorizawa #fukurodani #nekoma #shiratorizawa x reader #tendou #tendou satori #tendou satori x reader #tendou fluff #x reader #fanfiction #haikyuu fanfiction #wakatoshi ushijima #volleyball anime

217 notes · View notes

mousmoula · 6 days ago

Note

20, 27, + 29 for the ao3 ask thing! <3

thank youuu! <3

20 - which work of yours have you reread the most?

ooooh fun question, out of my published works it's definitely one eyed bastard (i'm that proud of it LMAO), but the real answer is probably one of my 15k words, amazingly self-indulgent wips that haven't seen the light of day (yet)

27 - what do you listen to while writing?

20% of the time i look for/make a playlist with the right vibes (e.g. the fhq i'm currently writing takes place in a forest so i just looped a hozier/lorde/florence playlist the entire time), the other 80% unfortunately i either listen to really bad wap mash-ups on youtube or 2000-2010s pop because my inspiration spurts need a LOT of energy in order to produce something 😭 very occasionally i go for gaming soundtracks (prison labor from persona 5 1h loop my beloved where would i be without you)

29 - favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

happy to announce i had a lot to say here LMAO

i could quote half of (interlude) here because the prose in that fic is just incomparable to everything else i've ever written like i just cannot top the writing of that fic ever. one of my favourite parts:

It was affliction of the cruellest kind, depriving himself of the gentleness that such a person was both able and willing to offer.

but there's also the ending of the first iwaoi fic i wrote which isn't anything special but for some reason lives rent-free in my head anyway:

“I’ll make you proud,” he whispers.

And Iwaizumi doesn’t think he needs to say this out loud, but he does anyway.

“You already have.”

(i just think it encapsulates their dynamic pretty well)

and now a couple of lines from my wips! out of context hq university au:

“Tell him he looks like someone who knows how to use a washing machine. I’m kind of disappointed that he doesn’t.”

and this from YET another iwaoi fic (fwb this time because i live and breathe for that trope) which i'm just really fond of for some reason:

“Would it be weird if I kissed you again?” Iwaizumi asks.

(Definitely still very drunk. He can’t imagine himself being this bold sober.)

Oikawa exhales, tension suddenly dissolving. “No clue. Maybe it is. I don’t really care. Kiss me all you want.”

that's all 😁 i've written a LOT this year, and i wouldn't say much of it has been quotable (mainly because i've been experimenting and i don't even know what i'm writing half the time) but i've enjoyed the process of writing a lot more than i have in a long time so!! cheers and here's to more

#ασκς

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hirukochan · 5 months ago

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Hi I'm wondering how to improve my writing

Hi there!

Oof, idk if I'm the right person to ask there. Writing has always come natural to me. I started creating my own stories when I was a child. Storytelling just has always been a part of my life, but I will try!

Practice.

Writing is a skill. It may come easier to some people just like art, dance, crafts - any creative activity really - but it is still a skill and a skill can only be improved by doing it over and over and over.

Don’t be afraid to try.

I’ve seen countless posts of people being stuck on their worldbuilding for years without ever writing a single word. World building is great, collecting resources to improve your writing is all good and well but they will be of no help to you if you don’t ever actually start to write.

Don’t be scared to suck.

I’ve written plenty of stuff that’s bad. I’ve deleted entire chapters and started over because it was just not working. It can be frustrating and it’s fine to take a step back for a moment and come back with fresh ideas. Not everything you write has to be shared with the public. Scribble down brainfarts on a napkin you never look at again. Fill notebooks with story shreds you’ll never expand on. Just write. Get comfortable with writing. Try out new things even if those aren’t what you want to write. Every creative writing class will tell you to not write fiction and while I disagree with the notion that fiction is somehow less, it is not bad advice to step out of your comfort zone and challenge your skills. I wrote a few short stories that were set in the ‘real’ world and while it was hard, I think it really helped me improve.

It’s worth experimenting with different mediums as well. Some people prefer to write on the computer, some do their best work on paper. I like to switch between the two when I notice myself getting stuck. I have one story I write almost exclusively on paper. It’s annoying to type it all into my computer after but it’s worth the extra effort.

Read a lot. Artists look at other artists’ work and study every detail of their work. Every author has a different style. By reading other peoples’ works in different genres you broaden your own horizon.

For years I got stuck on all these rules some people have made up for writing and while some of them are sound advice, most published authors break those rules too. Unless you want to get traditionally published, writing is a hobby and hobbies are supposed to be fun. Don’t get hung up on trying to be perfect. Just write. You can come back later and edit or don’t. I don’t. I do some haphazard spell checking and that is it. I don’t enjoy editing. I don’t like rereading my chapter over and over to try and get it perfect. Perfection is a myth anyway. Some people will not like what you write and that is fine. Your audience is out there, even if it might take a moment to find it.

It’s easy to get discouraged when you don’t get the response to your work you crave. No amount of telling yourself you write for yourself will change that. In the end, we know our stories. We don’t need to write them down to know them, nor publish them on the internet. We do that because we want to share our little world with other people and in a time were kudos and comments are at an all time low it is easy to feel like you are shouting into a forest and your words get lost between the branches.

I’ve let myself get discouraged by this too. It’s the reason A Servant of Death hasn’t been updated in forever. I recently published two oneshots I’m pretty proud of but because they are both rare pairs, I got barely any responses.

I can’t tell you how to deal with disappointment. It’s something I struggle with. I just have to believe that my stories reach people. That someone is glad they were written even if they are too shy or busy to tell me.

Find fandom friends. I find it is much easier to deal with my disappointment when a story doesn’t do as well as I think it might deserve (and I’ve been spoilt rotten with the responses to ‘Your tears are of no relevance to me’, going back to my rare pairs and less popular ships after that was and is a hard transition). Join a discord, be active on tumblr, find your people that share the same brain rot as you. I’ve made so many great friends over at the Snarriet Discord, it’s a wonderful community - you just need to find it.

Now I know that even if no one else will read it, @snapesmorningcoffee and @loneamaryllis are always among the first to read my sick and twisted stories. I can’t tell you how much of a difference that makes!

So…yeah. My biggest advice is to just write. Forget all else. Set a timer for five minutes and write as much as you possibly can in that time even if you just end up writing ‘idk what to write’ over and over. You’ll automatically get better at it the more you do it, the longer you do it.

#ask #writing advice

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dreamingcloudie · 2 years ago

Text

❛❛ 15 Years of Un-Convayed Words ❜❜

✎ ❛❛ I wonder when will I finally receive a reply from you... ❜❜

Pairing(s): Dottore x GN!reader

Genre/Format: Angst (Letters)

Warning(s): 3.2 archon quest SPOLIERS, mention of death, use of Dottore's (speculated) real name and lore, may not be lore accurate so don't come at me, poorly written poems (my excuse here is I'm writing as Dottore)

wc: ~1.8k

Notes: I got the idea from this song. I was contemplating if I should write angst with no comfort and I said eff it. Well, please enjoy this one! Any feedback is greatly appreciated ♡

1st year

Dear (Y/n),

Hello, Love. How are you doing? I’ve missed you so much so I decided to start writing you letters everyday. You’re the person of literature here, not me. So don’t laugh at my letters, okay? For my first letter to you. I’ve made up a poem.

Like a moon to its star,

I revolve only around you.

Though you may be far,

My love for you only grew.

Ha, not too bad for my first poem, right? Alright, maybe it is… But hey, at least I tried. You gotta give me at least some credits there. I know it’s short but I have to go back to studying now. I’ll write you another one later. I love you.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

2nd year

Dear (Y/n),

Greetings, Love. I wonder what’s on your mind right now? For me, it’s you. I always get distracted whenever you’re on my mind. Just today, I got so distracted I didn’t even notice my experiment was overflowing with explosive liquids. It wasn’t until I heard an explosion that I noticed the place had become a mess. Heh, you’d laugh if you saw this. Since I'm always thinking of you, here's another poem I wrote for you.

Are you a type of alcohol?

Addicted to you,

I began to fall.

Or are you perhaps a glue?

So drawn to you,

I haven't gotten a clue.

Or are you a cloud of mist?

Trapped in your fog of love,

I am abliss.

What do you think? Better than the last one maybe? Anyways, how are you fairing, my dear? I hope you’re doing well.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

3rd year

Dear (Y/n),

You’d be proud if you saw me now. As I grew older, I’ve also gotten more mature. I started to balance my work and rest like you always wanted me to. And you’re right, it does make things easier for me. I'm sorry for not listening to you earlier. That reminds me, I miss eating your cookies. Hopefully I’ll get to have them again one day. Has anything new happened to you, recently?

Your only love,

Zandik ♡

4th year

Dear (Y/n),

Got something exciting to share with you, my love. I went on an expedition with some other researchers today. It was a pretty nice trip, I’d say. There were a lot of things for me to tinker with. Especially some abandoned automatons. I wanted to bring some with me back to the academia but they banned it because of some fool. Pretty idiotic, right? These mechanical parts are too good to be left there. And no one even uses them anymore. Maybe if I sneaked only a small portion of them to The Academia, no one would notice… What do you think, (Y/n)?

Your only love,

Zandik ♡

5th year

Dear (Y/n),

Bad news, I got kicked out of The Academia today. I got careless and accidentally left a mechanical part at the lab. Someone also discovered that I did some… not so pleasant things. Such foolish sages. I was making some groundbreaking discoveries, and in return I got expelled? I have nowhere to go now. If only you were here to guide me… What do I do now?

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

6th year

Dear (Y/n),

Don’t worry, my dear. I managed to find shelter in a cave. I finally got some time to sit and write a letter to you. I’m sorry I haven’t written to you in weeks. I was busy setting things up in the cave. Although, still not quite a home, it looks a lot cozier now. Trying to survive out here in the wild is hard. I only managed to find some berries and caught a fish or two to sustain myself.

Anyways, I was conducting some more experiments with the equipment that I could salvage when all of the sudden a guy with a strange mask somehow found me. He said he was a diplomat from Snezhnaya. Apparently, they have an organization called the “Fatui” and asked me to join them. I was skeptical at first but then he said there was a research facility full of experimenting supplies. Now, that got me perked up. I’ve got nothing to lose. So might as well, right?

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

7th year

Dear (Y/n),

This place is massive. You’ve got to see what they have here, Love. So many things to work with. And to think I got this place all to myself? And I get to create anything with no restrictions? Hah! The possibilities are endless! And by joining them I got myself the title – Dottore, The Doctor. You’ve always said I have what it takes to become a doctor. Even if I’m not a licensed one. I suppose this counts too?

Anyways, I made a tiny model of you out of the remains of a ruin guard to remind myself of you. How I missed seeing you. No matter how many models I make, they’ll never be worthy enough to match your beauty. Tell me, Love. Got anything new to share? I’d love to hear from you.

Your favourite,

Zandik ♡

8th year

Dear (Y/n),

It’s been a while since I’ve stayed here. Things have been going pretty well. Ah, and with how many letters I’ve written to you. I found myself to have improved a bit. Here’s a little poem I thought of while doing some research on a flower. It reminded me of you.

Like a white lily,

You have the purest of heart.

Like a white lily,

You are a work of art.

Like a white lily,

Your beauty is true.

Like a white lily,

You have captured my CO2 .

(Get it, Dear? It’s like you took my breath away, and plants absorb carbon dioxide to carry out photosynthesis.)

I could hear you laughing all the way over here, you know? Not the best, I know. But I tried. Writing poems is never my forte. I’ll never know how you could write them ever so flawlessly.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

9th year

Dear My Love,

Hello, Love. My apologies for not having written anything to you for a while. I was conducting my experiments as usual but an accident happened. Do not worry, Love. I’m perfectly fine. Though, it might have affected my memories as they have gotten a bit blurry… Unfortunately, I seemed to have forgotten your name, as well. But do not fret, my love for you is still the same. I’ll remember your name, eventually.

Your one and only,

Zandik ♡

10th year

Dear Dove,

Dove… is a pretty suiting name to call you. Do you like it? My memories still haven’t come back yet… It’s been a year. I did not expect it to last this long. Still, what’s important is that I know my heart belongs to you. Whenever I think of writing letters to you, my heart starts to beat so loudly. It is a nice feeling. Have you been eating well? Got enough rest? I wouldn’t want you to be sick now.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

11th year

Dear Dove,

Time flies and another year has passed. Still no progress on recalling your name yet. I’m starting to worry. What if I never remember who you are? I can’t let that happen… Well, there’s no use in worrying. How about I tell you what happened today, instead? I created a machine, in which I could clone myself with. It’s a project I’ve been working on for a long time now. And it was a success. I think you’d find it amusing that there are two of me. Would it be a blessing, or a curse for you?

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

12th year

Dear (Y/n),

Finally, I remembered your name! I was working when I heard one of my clones (the me from the academia days) muttered something about “(Y/n) bakes the best cookies.” And that hit me, your name is (Y/n). What a beautiful name it is. It rolled off of my tongue just as smooth as Teyvat’s finest silk. I still haven’t remembered everything yet. But that’s alright. They’ll come back to me in no time.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

13th year

Dear (Y/n),

I recalled something today. Remember the time when we first met? Haha, the first time I’ve ever laid my eyes on you. I was convinced that I saw an angel. And when you turned to look at me. I could feel something happening to my stomach. I thought you’ve put some kind of spell on me. But that’s just me falling for you without me knowing for the first time. Winter is right around the corner. Remember to wear enough clothes, alright?

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

14th year

Dear (Y/n),

Today was not a great day. I’ve put in countless amounts of time and plenty of blood and sweat into building a new god for Sumeru. Only for it to get destroyed in just one day. How absurd… But nevermind that. I took joy in building it and I got what I came here for. If only you were here, Dear. I know you’d work your magic on me to make me feel better.

Yours forever,

Zandik ♡

15th year

Dear (Y/n),

I remember everything now… The illness… And how it took you away from me… The moment I remembered it, I felt light-headed. I felt as if a part of me was ripped out. So that’s why I never received any reply from you. Was all these years of writing wasted? No… No… You’ll still get to read them. If I have the power to create a god, then certainly, I also have the power to find a way for you to see these letters? Or maybe you’ve been watching me write these for you? Perhaps one day, I’ll find a way for these words to reach you, eventually. Until then, prepare yourself, Love. You’re going to need fifteen years to read them all. Well, maybe even more because I’m not going to stop writing to you.

Say, it's been a while since I've last written a poem to you. How about I write another one for you?

Lost in a raging storm,

I longed to feel something warm.

Lost in the heavy rain,

I longed to hear you again.

Lost in an ocean of coldness,

I longed to see a glimpse of us.

Sent from the sky above,

There you stood so full of love.

With you here around,

At last, I am found.

I love you (Y/n), no matter where you are. I love you. I always have.

Your forever love,

Zandik ♡

Dottore kissed the envelope as he muttered the words "I missed you so, so much, (Y/n)." Before he put it into a bin filled with piles of letters.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin x yn #genshin x you #genshin impact #genshin impact x y/n #genshin impact x reader #genshin #dottore #dottore x y/n #dottore x you #dottore x reader #genshin dottore #dottore angst #fatui harbingers x reader #fatui harbingers #fatui x you #fatui x reader #fatui

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skylermadness · 2 months ago

Text

Materia Gains (Heidegger TF/MC)

(Original Date of Upload: June 23, 2024)

Original Description:

My half of a trade with Catolyst! His half can be found here: DeviantArt / FuAffinity. Truthfully I've been wanting to write a Heidegger TF for a long time. Ever since I first played Final Fantasy 7 Remake, actually! I even had a relatively lengthy concept for one that I ended up not writing. Although I did end up retooling a lot of systems from it for this story! Mainly having it involve a materia trigger since, honestly, materia is the easiest trigger concept imaginable. I've seen about three different Final Fantasy 7 TFs involving materia and one of those I wrote like two years ago. But also I find it extremely fun! Although I should perhaps take a stab at using non-green materia some day. I'm going on a tangent though. This was a really fun story to write though. I feel like I handled age progression descriptions a lot better this time around than I usually do! I'm also really proud of the mental changes and corruption for this one. It feels like I haven't done a good corruption story since the Roquefort one from last year. All-in-all, super satisfied with how this worked out! I'm also very happy with how Catolyst's art for this trade turned out as well~ Makes me realize how many times I've gotten one-eyed old men as part of trades with him. I wonder if this'll be kept up in future trades... Anyway, thanks Catolyst for this trade opportunity! It's always a pleasure to work with you, and I look forward to doing so again in the future!

The ticking of a clock echoed ominously within the confines of the waiting room that Cato was currently in. For a good chunk of the past half hour he had found his gaze constantly flicking between the time display on his phone, and the aforementioned clock. The email said that his interview was scheduled at twelve o’clock precisely. And it was currently eleven fifty-seven.

Three minutes…

He hoped that the actual interview room wasn't as bad as this room. The polished wooden walls and red carpeting had given the waiting room an elegant look, but it added a certain level of ominousness that he wasn't very fond of. The massive, presumably locked double-door that was positioned to the wall opposite of him also gave this place a certain vibe he couldn't pinpoint. One that was professional, but in an off-putting kind of way. The only compliment he could give was that the seats were comfortable to sit on.

Two minutes now…

Cato’s stomach was still in knots from the stress he was experiencing. He admittedly still wasn't too sure what this interview had fully entailed. The company’s name on the job finder site was relatively vague with it just being titled ‘SRA Industrial Incorporation’. The listing was also for a position in the public relations sector. Nowadays that probably just meant running some kind of social media account for the company or something. Such a thing has never seemed like the most riveting of jobs, but if it paid well then he didn't really mind. But the overall vagueness of the situation didn't really give him much hope for anything.

He checked the time again. One minute now. Damn.

He then resumed his thoughts. This place didn't seem to be that bad at least. The tower the company was situated in seemed pretty nice, and the furnishing within it was at the very least comforting. So while Cato didn't really know the specifics of what he might be getting himself into, what's the worst that could-

His internal spiraling is broken when the room’s massive door opens. Stepping out of it was a woman with blonde hair tied up in a French twist, and wearing a dark red satin dress. She only gave Cato a single glance before coldly stating, “The President will be seeing you now.”

Cato just watched as the lady walked back through the doorway, taking a few seconds to fully register what was going on. He was having an interview with the company president? Do companies tend to even do that!? He then shook his head to break himself out of another spiral. He'd rather not start looking like he's staring off into space when he knows he might be in the eyesight of the people who're interviewing him.

Standing up, Cato begins walking towards and into the room. Despite his earlier hopes, the interview room was effectively equally (if not more) stress-inducing than the waiting room he was previously in. The room was somewhat lengthy, which he reasoned was to fit the relatively long rectangular table that he could only equate to being like one of those large meeting tables in movies. He had counted about eight chairs surrounding the table, three being on each of the longer sides while there was one per short side. However despite the daunting seat count there were only two other people here besides him.

One of those two people was the woman, who had now taken a seat in one of the chairs on the table’s long side that was furthest from the entrance. Meanwhile the other person had been sitting in a seat that was both directly opposite to the entrance and the actual furthest distance away from it. This person seemed to be an older-looking man with thinning blonde hair and a mustache, who was wearing a dark red suit. The man was also staring right at Cato as he was inspecting the room, a rather intimidating glare tangible on their face.

Cato had quickly taken note of the fact he was being glared at, which was more than just mildly uncomfortable for him. So he just sat down in the chair on the table’s short end that was closest to the doorway. Then, with an awkward wave and a smile directed towards the other man, he said a simple, “Hi?”

A silence befell the room for a few seconds as the man (the president of this company, Cato presumed) broke his gaze to look at a few papers he had in front of him. “So I take it you're-” he paused to squint at the paper, “-Cato?”

Cato nodded. “Yep,” he responded. He tried to keep his focus on the other man’s eyes to maintain eye contact but every so often his gaze would flick around the room for a second or two out of nervousness. It didn't help that his thoughts rapidly drifted during these pauses. Between the man’s suit and that lady’s dress, mixed with the sheer elegance of the rooms of the building, he had a feeling he came here a little underdressed. A flannel shirt and jeans did not make for a good business fit…

“Hmm,” the rumble of a hum in the president’s throat really echoed through the room. “So what made you think you'd be a good fit for our Public Safety position?”

Cato blinked a few times. Public safety? He could've sworn the listing said public relations. “Uhh, well-”

“Especially since your credentials don't really align with the job you applied yourself for,” the suited man outright stated. Although there was a strange lack of frustration in his voice.

“A-admittedly, I thought the listing said something else,” Cato started to explain, nervously tugging at the collar of his shirt as he spoke.

“And that was?”

“Public relations…”

A stiff silence entered the room after he admitted that. The woman and the president looked at each other, seemingly having some kind of mutual conversation in the silence somehow. Then with the passing of a few seconds the president restored eye contact with Cato.

“A very easy mistake to make,” he started. He set the papers flat onto the table again. “Not unnoticeable though. I'm sure you're probably wondering by now why we'd even consider you despite your clear lack of expertise in this field.”

Cato raised a brow. The thought didn't really cross his mind until now thanks to the stress, but now that it was said out loud…

“I like to consider myself a generous man,” the president continued. An odd smile was now gracing his previously unfeeling face. “Not many get a chance to reach the interview process here at SRA Industrial Inc., even less with such a clear difference in interests to what we need.”

Cato watched as the man promptly plunged a hand into the jacket of his suit. He rummaged around in there for a few seconds before pulling out what looked to be a green, crystalline orb. “That's why I'd want to offer some… on the job training for you,” he then put the orb on the table. “Mainly because I see great potential in you, Cato.”

Cato was already feeling a bit confused at this proposition. “Well, my field of knowledge hasn't really been in public safety, so that would probably require a lot of training…”

“You'd be surprised at how often that happens here at SRA. Even I had no knowledge of handling a business once, but that didn't stop me from… getting taught and building this company from the ground up.”

He then flicked his hand, the action propelling the green sphere across the table and towards Cato. The sound of stone rolling across wood reverberated through the air as it traveled before it conveniently slowed to a halt at Cato’s end of the table.

Cato just eyed the object, feelings of curiosity and suspicion forming in the man’s mind. “Uh, what is this exactly?”

All the president did was smile and give a single, cryptic response. “Consider it a little… gift from me.”

He then stood up from his seat. “Now, we'll give you some time alone to consider our proposition. Although I can promise you that doing so would be very beneficial for you. So think long and hard about this…”

He then looks at the woman, who herself was starting to leave her seat. The two nod to each other before taking their leave, exiting through a door that was located at the side of the room. Cato watched as the duo exited the room, sighing in relief once the door fully shut behind them.

“Ugh, that was weird…” he muttered to himself as his gaze wandered towards the strange sphere the president had rolled towards him. The dim green glow mixed with various shades of spiraling green was oddly satisfying to stare at. Now if only he knew what this thing even was.

He picked up the orb. Despite its appearance it was oddly light. Furthermore it seemed to glow brighter from his touch. “Weird gift. Come to think of it, it's really weird to give me anything even though he hasn't hired me yet…”

Cato then sat back in his seat and began to idly futz around with the orb in his hand. He wasn't sure what to think about in regards to anything about this interview. He'd rather have gotten a rejection email instead of this. But then again they are offering him genuine training to fit whatever needs they require of him in regards to public security. Although he does wonder what kind of company this is that it requires a sector for public security of all things.

“What did I get myself into,” Cato said with another sigh.

A few more seconds pass with the man continuing to casually shift the orb between hands. A part of him expects the duo of executives to walk through that door to get his answer, but nothing really happens. That is until he makes a fumble that causes the weird crystal to slip out from its cycle in his hands. It quickly dropped onto the ground with a hard thunk!

“Shit-” Cato immediately got up from his seat to pick up the orb. Luckily it just dropped onto the ground right next to his chair, so he didn't have to go searching under the table for it.

“Please don't be cracked, please don't be cracked,” he panickedly repeated, rolling the glassy crystal around in both of his hands to inspect for any breaks or bruises. On the plus side there hadn't seemed to be any judging by a few seconds of inspection. Those few seconds of inspection proved something else however. The orb seemed to be glowing brighter, and a green aura was coming off it and seemingly surrounding his hands.

“Uhhh, what the…?”

With each second longer the aura seemed to last, the more a strange sensation entered Cato’s hands. A rising pressure that overtook them both. A feeling that resulted in something very, very strange…

The most evident manifestation of this strangeness was a building pressure in both his hands. The feeling of pressure increase seemed to cause a physical change in growth within each hand, both steadily getting larger as the gem’s aura stayed prevalent. Each passing second making both hands stretch out wider, lengthier. Even making them a bit thicker by granting them a more meaty appearance. This had also resulted in his fingers developing a bit of chunkiness to them as they too thickened, alongside seemingly lengthening to fit with the new proportions of his hands.

The size of his hands didn't seem to be the only thing changing either. A rougher texture had started to settle within the skin. This was more noticeable in the back of each hand as this roughness set in, which was accentuated by the sparse growth of black hairs in the region. The front of his hands weren't left unchanged either as the once soft skin of his palms hardened the longer they held onto the glowing orb. They still remained skin, but it was a bit whiter and weathered with calluses. Both of these alterations combined seemed to prove a certain aging effect was setting into Cato’s body by this weird crystal.

Or, at least, he thought it was the crystal’s doing. So in the sudden panic that was forming from watching his hands rapidly age in front of him he dropped the orb back onto the ground. Another thunk echoed off the walls of the meeting room as the green sphere hit the ground.

Cato didn't care about the object anymore. He just looked at his hands, his older, rougher-skinned hands, and his jaw clenched in worried anticipation. He was waiting for some kind of sign the changes would be reversed now that he wasn't holding whatever that object was anymore. “Come on, I dropped that thing so you have no reason to look like this anymore!”

The green glow of the glassy crystal continued to persist however. And even on the ground the mist-like aura of it seemed to stretch out and towards Cato, thick and translucent tendrils of green circling themselves around the man. Whatever he did earlier seemed to have activated something in it, and it had no intention of stopping.

So all he could do was let out a frustrated, “Damn it!” as he watched the furthest ends of his shirt sleeves begin to fill out while a mixture of pressure and heat enveloped his forearms. An indicator that the changes had evidently begun to move beyond the confines of his hands.

The primary manifestation of these changes was a sudden growth in musculature within the region. Cato was a typically skinny guy, but that was becoming quickly contrasted as his extensor muscles thickened. This had resulted in the fabric of his shirt sleeves to steadily strain over the bulking ends of his limbs. Roughening skin rubbing up against the soft material, crevices of his newly forming muscles indenting into the patterned red of it with ease.

His upper arms weren't immune to this either. The skin across both limbs would continue to age upwards, accompanied by a thickening layer of arm hair that had taken on a deep black tone instead of his usual blonde coloration. Beneath it all his muscle mass would continue to burgeon, presumed years of workout being added to his form in mere seconds. Biceps and triceps both heated up and swelled in conjunction with each other. His deltoids began thickening soon after which resulted in a roundness developing within his shoulders. As both these changes grew in prevalence it further added to the heavy strain that his shirt was undergoing, alongside adding some pressure in his undershirt now that everything reached the upper half of his limbs. So many crevices and indents that represented the divides in muscle groups, all continuously etching into the fabric as his arms developed a definition that they didn't have prior. It wasn't a surprise that just a few seconds after his arms stopped bulking up, the sheer disparity between their new and old sizes would cause a few tears to form at the seams of his flannel’s sleeves.

The sound of fabric ripping pierced the air. Cato’s attention ended up being drawn to the newly formed rippage, his eyes focusing on a tear over his bulkier bicep. Although the cyan of his undershirt’s sleeve was visible so he couldn't see if his skin had changed beneath it. Judging by the mild itching on his arms though he had a feeling it was. Come to think of it, his chest was also kind of itchy too.

With that realization, a groan of frustration escaped Cato’s throat as his gaze left his arms and moved over to his chest. “What the heck is that orb thing even doing to me!?”

The answer was pretty obvious considering the rapid increase in mass the man was accumulating. With his focus on his chest now he could see just how much it the transformative aura was causing it to push and swell forward. Size greatly accumulating within the region as heat continuously spiraled around his core. In just mere seconds the relatively flat and undefined nature of his chest was altered by the rapid gain in musculature. The front of his shirt pushed out bit by bit as his pectorals swelled and thickened. Soon the upper buttons of his shirt strained against their eyelets, the two forming slabs of raw meat just increasing the pressure his burgeoning size was putting on his attire.

But then after a few more seconds something else started to accumulate on Cato’s chest. Some more size was added to the now larger region. However this size wasn't from another gain in muscle. Instead it seemed to be from fat. A layer of fat blanketed his pecs, the once raw and hard beefiness getting a bit softer as a result. Although it still seemed to retain a significant level of definition as both pectorals would take on an appearance more aptly describable as soft slabs of meat now. Though the addition to their size from the fat had resulted in the pressure in his flannel’s placket coming to some semblance of an apex as the top-most button broke, followed by the one beneath it.

Concurrent with the changes in their chest were those in the torso’s lower half. His belly churned and bubbled, the muscles in that area altering and developing to grant the region definition. What little fat there was around his stomach was pushed away for a moment as abdominal muscles slotted out sequentially. Top-most, middle, then bottom-most, pushing out like shelves on an off-balanced drawer. Combined they would give Cato a solid six-pack that pressed up against his undershirt, indenting into the cyan fabric of it with ease, while simultaneously pulling against the buttons of their shirt like their pecs had been doing.

The strain in their shirt buttons yet again increased exponentially as the changes in their abdomen continued. Adipose would yet again rush across his newly manifested muscles, raw definition seemingly smoothing out as fat continuously formed within the region. It didn't even stop at the natural amount that Cato had prior as more and more fat continued to get added to his stomach region. Larger it swelled, pushing up against his shirt buttons more as the thickening belly steadily pushed up his undershirt. Then one by one each button broke their associated, if not straight up snapping off his shirt, as the pressure from his fattening belly finally pushed them beyond their limits.

“Mmf, thought this was just gonna be… gettin’ buff,” Cato commented as he held his stomach. His jaw remained clenched as he eyed the musclegut he seemed to possess now. His undershirt had rode up it a bit, seemingly now bordering where it could cross above his navel. It also seemed his fatter body was getting perfectly outlined by the cyan t-shirt as his chest and stomach pressed up against the fabric of it. His gaze had also been privy to what seemed to be a bush of thick, black hairs trailing up the midline of his gut.

The hair would run beneath his shirt of course. A treasure trail of hair rushing upwards to touch the forest of fuzz that overtook his chest. A thick, bearish body would be an accurate description of the form he had been rapidly adopting. Especially considering the sensation of strength that seemed to course throughout his newly developed musculature.

His initial panic was steadily dying down as those sensations of strength and bodily warmth amplified. “I still don't know what the fuck this orb’s doing to me but-” a tingle catches in his throat and he stops to cough. “-it feels kind of good…”

He blinked a few times. His voice sounded off in the other half of that statement. It sounded a bit deeper than it had usually been. A little bit more aged than it used to be. “Of course it'd start changing that too…”

It was still hard to fully accept what was going on though. These changes were weird, this whole situation was weird. Was the weird spherical crystal supposed to do this? Did that guy even know this was going to happen? Was this supposed to convince him to work for them?

“Who am I even becoming…?” he asked himself verbally. It feels like this was just aging him up more than anything, but that seemed mildly implausible considering the black hairs that rapidly covered his body. Perhaps this is what that president guy meant when he said on the job training?

“Urgh, that bastard has a lot to answer for once he gets back!” Cato said to himself in frustration. Although after the statement was spoken aloud he realized how uncharacteristically aggressive that sounded of him. Placing a hand at the side of his head he tells himself, “That was… weird…”

The crystal's aura only grew stronger, and Cato couldn't deny the mild buzz entering his brain as the green glow intensified. A strange fog in the back of it ever so slowly billows forward and around. And with it comes this strange sensation of brutishness that was steadily implanting itself into Cato’s personality.

“…might be right though. Fucking changing me like this against my will.”

Cato’s gaze wandered away from his gut and onto the ground. His eyes focused on the glowing green sphere, gaze lingering. There was a sensation of resentment towards it that was welling up within him, one that coincided with a conflicting feeling of empowerment. He should hate this, but he also loves the way his body is turning out.

The conflicts in desire and personality clashed in his mind, although Cato’s face didn't seem to show it much save for a tightening in his jaw and a low, almost growl-like groan coming out of his throat. He tried to ignore it for the time being though, and instead just idly nudged the green orb with a foot. “This is a lot of trouble you're giving me here. This better be worth it…”

He would be lying if he said there wasn't a small fragment of something in the back of his mind telling him it will.

Of course, as he knocked his foot into the object he was given a proper view of what seemed to be some bulging within his shoes. The brown leather of the toecap seeming to have garnered a level of bumpiness that it did not have prior. Guess his changes hadn't stopped during all this introspection.

And assumption would be a correct one as all while Cato was thinking about the ramifications of the transformation, things had moved beneath his waist and started to properly layer onto the lower half of his body. The newfound broadness of his body that came from both the muscle and the fat resulted in the diameter of his waist increasing a bit and putting some stress onto the waistband of his jeans. This pressure had manifested most prominently at the button holding the fly of his pants shut. Although due to his wider waist and the weight of his gut it didn't take long for that button to break as well.

Meanwhile the increase in muscle mass has finally become apparent in his legs. Both thighs were rapidly thickening, hamstrings and quadriceps burgeoning to the point that the new thickness had already begun breaking the seams of his legwear. This allowed a few hairs to poke out from the tears, proving that the sprouting of follicles had been rushing down his legs as well. It seemed as though the changes in his legs were not unlike those that happened to his arms earlier.

The lower half of his legs were quick to follow. Once the transformation jumped past his knees, the hairiness seemed to increase quite drastically while his calf muscles bulged outwards. Bulkier and rounder, everything indenting into the denim while simultaneously splitting it apart. All the while the concurrent sensations of burning heat and raw strength continuously spiraled and practically coiled around his legs like it had to the rest of his body. It was strange, it was mildly overwhelming, and it was… stimulating, in a way.

Last had been his feet. More black hairs continued to sprout across the top of them as yet again a substantial amount of weathering seemed to overlay his skin. The size of both feet increased as the width and length stretched larger, and the overall thickness of them was in the process of increasing as well. All of this combined caused his footwear to rapidly become ill-fitting. Sides of each foot digging into the insides of his boots, heels pressing into the back, bridge straining against the tongue and strings that held it shut. Then there had been his toes, steadily getting chunkier as well while squeezing up against the topcap of what he was wearing.

“And here I thought I looked unprofessional before…” Cato muttered at the sight of his ready-to-burst shoes, alongside his generally ripped up clothing. He had also made a mental note about his voice changing still. Deepening still while developing a layer of huskiness to it that it didn't have before. It almost sounded like it had been aging alongside him.

Then again, he needs all that age and experience…

Cato blinked in confusion at the thought. He was also still clutching the side of his head. “Urgh, head’s feelin’ foggy still-”

His attention had been drawn away from the lower half of his body. This resulted in his focus not being there once his now larger feet broke apart his shoes. The toecap peeled away from the soles as his now lengthier appendages pushed forward and were freed from their confines.

Although by now things were finally starting to creep up his neck as well. The region thickened a bit to better fit his new proportions. Internally things had shifted a bit more, vocal cords settling into their alterations with the intention of making the deep and aged huskiness of his voice permanent.

“Grrugh, this isn't… right…?” Cato expressed to himself. The statement felt wrong though. Denying this felt wrong. How could this intense feeling of… of power feel wrong. That thought only made Cato groan some more as he now held both sides of his head with his hands.

Meanwhile his head had also been in the process of transforming. One of the most prominent portions of this transformation had been in his facial hair. The beard and mustache he had usually sported deepened from their usual blonde to a dark black. Hairs grew down the sides of his mouth in order to join the two portions of facial hair together. Meanwhile the surface area of his face that was bearded seemed to grow with the thick growth of hairs running across his jawline. This would cause the density to become quite substantial as well with his beard continuing to attain a level of bushiness that would fit his more bearish body. Furthermore, it seemed the initial spikiness that had carried over from his old facial hair would get smoothed over as his new beard combed itself into a neater, more well-kept style.

Concurrent with his facial hair alterations were the shifts in his facial structure. As hairs sprouted across and overtook his jawline it pressured and restructured into a broader and rounder shaping. This came with the rest of his skull broadening as well. The attributes of his face would end up heavily altering as this occurred. A straightness entering into his nasal bridge while a roundness encompassed the ala and apex of it. His ears pulled back a bit so as to not stick out the sides of his head too much. And while the structuring of his eyes didn't alter too heavily, his eyebrows took on a shade of black while the ends neatened to a point and the overall shape of them became more of a high arch instead of straight. However the most drastic of these changes had been what happened to his skin.

Heavy amounts of weathering embedded within it, practically darkening it a little bit as it did so. Years of age settled into the once young man’s face with him rapidly leaving his 20s for his 30s, then 40s. More and more age settling in with deep laugh lines etching around his mouth and various wrinkles forming to continue doing away with what smoothness his face once had. 40s would move onto 50s, eye bags would form beneath his eyes while a scar slashed into his right eye. By this point it would also seem like the new texture of his skin was more leathery than anything else. Although the aging would stop here with Cato having taken on the appearance of a man in his really late-50s.

Of course this would also mean the rest of his hair had to change to fit. More and more brightness continued to fade from it all as a wave of black overtook each and every follicle. Furthermore there had even been faint streaks of gray running through his hair and beard as well, seemingly added during the rapid progression of age. As this occurred the stylization of his hair seemed to shift heavily. While it retained its thickness, the messy and unkempt spikiness of it was dispelled. Instead it would all comb into a much neater, straighter, swept-back style. One that accentuated a more professional appearance in the man than what he had before.

“Fuckin’ hell-” the now much-older man yelled in frustration. His physical transformation had slipped his mind at this point as the mental components were reaching a level of prominence that were noticeable. That level of anger that was practically uncharacteristic for Cato was enveloping him as his brain wallowed in conflict that he couldn't just casually ignore. Everything was becoming so contradictory.

His brain was just being overridden with thoughts and memories and desires that weren't his. And in truth he couldn't even tell what he was anymore! His mind tried in futility to hold onto the portions of identity that were the self that came in here, but the longer that damned orb continued to keep its misty tendrils on him the more things continued to slip. The menacing, brutal anger and frustration overtook his former, calmer personality. Niceties were melted down into a distinct lack of care and understanding for anyone but himself. In general it would seem like he was experiencing a corruption of greed and an attainment of a lust for power in mere seconds. It was overwhelming.

So all the man could do was groan again before saying, “Get out of my head!” It's questionable which part of himself was urging the other to leave though. There was too much of an imbalance in his mentality, one that was rapidly being corrected by the magic of the green crystal. And considering that rising temperament and arrogance it was already clear which of the two dueling personalities was winning…

The effect of the transformation still hadn't come to an end physically however. His clothes were still ill-fitting for someone of his position and that was something that had to be corrected. Splotches of black rapidly enveloped the cyan of his undershirt as the material seemed to thicken just a bit. As this occurred a split seemed to form in the middle of it as fastened buttons materialized up and down the middle of the clothing article. All the while the sleeves seemed to lengthen to cover the entirety of both arms. There had also been the shirt’s neck that grew as well, rising upwards around his own neck before folding downwards to create a shirt collar. The t-shirt had seemingly morphed into a dress shirt. A change in formality that was accentuated by the manifestation of a red tie that snaked beneath the collar.

Similar shifts had occurred in his jeans and boots. The blue denim shifted drastically as black washed into it as well, the hard material restructuring into a material more fitting for formalwear. Rips and tears would easily fix themselves as well while their size increased to fit the man’s wider stance and thicker legs. So much so that the muscularity would no longer be prominent through the material. Meanwhile the rough texture of his boots smoothed over, brown shifting into black as a sleek leather look overtook them. Yet again would the strange effect of the crystal also end up fixing and refitting his footwear while also causing the strings to sink into the material to be replaced by new ones on the growing top line.

All of these changes in clothing paled in comparison to the part of his attire that ended up undergoing the most drastic transformation though… his flannel. Red patterning rapidly faded as a dark green completely enveloped it all. Rips and tears and improper sizing were all fixed in mere moments as the once soft material thickened and practically roughened a bit. The shirt’s split moved closer to the middle of his body, seemingly ready to refasten itself, meanwhile the hem of his shirt steadily inched downwards bit by bit. The cuffs of both sleeves lengthened a bit as yellow accents circled the end of them, alongside the formation of three golden cufflinks on each sleeve. The collar of his flannel seemed to lengthen by just enough that it could graze his face, meanwhile the shirt’s split folded a bit to gain a lapel. The rightward segment of the split also seemed to gain a thick yellow accent that had a series of black buttons lining it in two columns. These allowed it to fasten itself over the leftward segment. Although both segments seemed to gain belt-like additions that could also be fastened to these buttons but seemed to remain not. Although an actual belt seemed to material over the shifting attire and around his waist. It was made of black leather and buckled with a golden diamond-shaped buckle. The hem of his ‘shirt’ continued to lengthen beneath the belt, rapidly doing so until it was just short of his thighs. It would seem his flannel shirt had fully morphed into a military tunic.

With his clothing shifted, the physical aspect of his changes came to an end. And considering the fact the blue coloration of his eyes was rapidly shifting to a brown it would seem the mental aspects had been slowing down as well. The once foreign thoughts were rapidly becoming a mainstay as what was his former self was being pushed out by this new identity. Memories and confirmations of who he is now overlayed, if not almost fully replacing, what existed of his old life.

His grunts and groans slowed as his frustrated holding of the sides of his head ended. Both hands slipped down to his sides as he blinked. The man, Heidegger, let out a deep sigh, then let out a hearty laugh. “GYAHAHA!! That was quite the scuffle!”

His gaze then went down to the green orb on the floor. Bending down, he picked it up and analyzed it. “Didn't know Materia could do somethin’ like that. Impressive…”

“So I take it you won out over that man, Heidegger?”

Heidegger stood back up and turned towards the source of the voice. Coming out of a door at the room’s back was President Shinra, with Scarlet arriving not long after.

“Yup,” Heidegger idly bounced the ball of Transform materia in his hand. “Rather easy too, despite him putting up a bit of resistance.”

“They always seem to,” the President responded as he took his seat again. “Of course those with weaker wills succumb to the influence of that materia one way or another. Speaking of, hand it over. I don't need you breaking our one way to reform this company.”

Heidegger rolled his eyes before placing the orb on the table and nudging it towards the company president. “Reform the company, eh?”

Shinra nodded. “Exactly. Since my arrival here I've made it paramount to re-establish the Shinra Power Company, alongside our respective positions in the social hierarchy.”

“Interesting,” Heidegger smirked. His heavy footsteps could be heard as he made his way to the one unoccupied seat closest to the president, which had also been the one positioned opposite to Scarlet. Although he had purposely been ignoring her this whole time-

“Well, you know with how loyal I am to you that I'd be very happy to help with this endeavor,” Heidegger eyed Shinra with a cruel smile. Part of him was already hoping that they'd be able to reform Shinra’s military sect. Doing so might even make procuring victims relatively easier.

“Now then, might I suggest something to you?”

#character tf #tf #transformation #human tf #muscle growth tf #weight gain tf #age progression tf #male transformation

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shredsandpatches · 4 months ago

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fic writer self-recs

@titleleaf tagged me in this and I'm not gonna miss a chance for self-promotion, so here you go.

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favourite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

The Kindest Use a Knife (2014, Richard II, Richard/Aumerle, E, 11k words)

This is, to date, still my most popular fic and I'm still proud of it even though I'm a better writer than I was ten years ago (how was this ten years ago? What the fuck, passage of time). It's based specifically on the RSC production with David Tennant and was born out of a general sense of confusion over how the Stabby Aumerle ending seemed to work okay despite it making no sense in the context of the production and the ways the characters were played. I figured Stabby Aumerle in this production would only really make sense if Aumerle were under the impression it was the most loving option under the circumstances, and this was the result. Also, this fic made me realize I love writing the Yorks (the Duchess in particular just kind of charged into this fic). Fun trivia: my depiction of Exton owes a lot to Arthur Darvill's Mephistopheles (because I did love Doctor Faustus even before Hot Faust Summer).

Jesu dulcis memoria (2014, 14th-c RPF, Richard II + family, G, 1k words)

This was a Yuletide treat--one of those instances where someone's request lines up with something you'd been thinking of writing for ages anyway and the prompt makes you get off your butt and do it. It's centered on the creation of the Wilton Diptych from the viewpoint of the painter (who is fictional, since we don't really know much about who actually painted it) and focuses on the idea that the painting is not only a statement about kingship but also a memorial to Richard's (many) dead loved ones. Also there's one simile in there that everyone seems to love and so now I think about it every time I encounter gold leaf (which is a lot. I'm a manuscript librarian, although I wasn't when I wrote this).

Andělíčku rozkochaný (2019, 14th-c RPF, Richard II/Anne of Bohemia, E, 9k words)

Anne of Bohemia is, as you all know, my forever girl, and I'm still proud of this character study of her and her marriage to Richard and their approach to their infertility. I wrote a lot of stuff on this basic theme around the time I was writing this fic; maybe it was because turning 40 was getting to me on a subconscious level. The first scene of the fic is one of those things that came to me pretty much fully formed, while the last scene is another one of those things I'd had in my head for a while and finally had a reason to write down. (This is, therefore, another fic that has part of its genesis in a shiny historical artifact.)

not half so fair as thou (2023, Doctor Faustus, Faustus/Mephistopheles, E, 6k words)

We have arrived at Hot Faust Summer! The premise of this one came out of my pondering a line not from Marlowe's play but from Berlioz's La Damnation de Faust, which I was in last May and have not yet shut up about, but long story short, it set me thinking about productions where Faust(us) and his shadow-self Mephistopheles look similar (not unheard-of in Marlowe productions--the 2011 Globe one low-key did it and the 2016 RSC high-key did it--though I can't think of any operatic versions off the top of my head) and eventually I arrived at the premise of this fic. Which was a complete party to write. It was perhaps a little unsettling to realize that Faustus POV came to me extremely naturally but hey. That's academics for you.

none but thou shall be my paramour (2024, Doctor Faustus, Faustus/Mephistopheles, Faustus/Helen of Troy, M, 7.5k words)

It's the Codependent Faustopheles Manifesto! With boring academic dinner parties and sexy contract renewal! This is my most recent work (although it took me kind of forever to write; the tumblr post in which I proclaim my intentions to write it is here) and I'm really proud of it. It's weird, kind of gross, and has some massive tonal shifts in it, but I think it came off all the same. Plus I got to put some of my elaborate headcanons in there and I think I did a really good job with the "sex scene that is not actually sex but is definitely still a sex scene" trope.

Anyway, yeah! Go read my fic. I'm going to tag @skeleton-richard, @oldshrewsburyian, @themalhambird, @misskriemhilds, @heartofstanding, and anyone else who feels like doing this.

#like and subscribe!#well no don't subscribe but comment #fic #richard ii #doctor faustus #faustopheles

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aerodaltonimperial · 1 year ago

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✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by @rosabellebelieve and oh girl. Ain't nobody ready for these stats LOL. Uh oh. Also, I've removed all collab fics for purposes of this, as it doesn't really seem fair since I only wrote, like, half of them lmao.

Words and Fics

268,626 words in 2023 (mother of god)

52 fics on AO3 (dear christ)

I'm not even counting Tumblr ficlets, oh god, don't make me

Top 5 Pairings

💚🖤Jack/Darby (24) (NUMBER ONE???? how tho)

🧡🖤Hook/Danhausen (23)

💚🧡Jack/Hook (5)

🔮🍑Julia/Anna (4)

🧡🎤Max Caster/Hook (3) & 🧡🍊Orange/Hook (3) (HAHAHAHAHA)

Top 5 by kudos

i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]

man of lesser words [Hookhausen]

don't need a cure for love [Orange/Hook]

baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]

you're the realest thing i've never had to fake [Hookhausen]

Top 5 by hits

baby please (would you read my eulogy) [JungleCorpse]

i found love where it wasn't supposed to be (right in front of me) [Hookhausen]

now you know how i feel [Hookhausen]

Weekend in Fresno: or, a Hook choose your own dating adventure [Hook/everyone]

threat level: euclid [HH, JC, SP]

Fandom Events in 2023

I made it to a wrestling show! Since they never go near me and my life is what it is, I really can't manage more than one a year, and I've got to be lucky to get that to work, but this was a big deal and I'm so happy that I could make it happen!

ALSO I MADE UP A FUCKING PAIRING AND GOT IT TO THE #1 FOR BOTH PARTIES INVOLVED you know what this counts as an event LMAOOOOO i'm thinking no one should actually have this power

Upcoming Projects

If I ever stop bemoaning my perceived lack of skill, I've got 2/3 of a fic that Vamp prompted dialogue for, largely me writing something fluffy and saccharine because she was trying to write smut and we were both trying to write out of our wheelhouses lol

Writing reflection

Well! 2023 was quite a year, honestly. I was going to be like OH HOLY SHIT about my word count but when I took our collabs, it dropped so fast, so that's good, I guess (???). I'm still so happy I discovered wrestling, because it's been easily 12 years since I had this amount of creativity for a single fandom. And this year I really stretched out and started writing new stuff within the wrestling fandom! That's exciting (depending what you followed me for, I suppose LOL).

But more than anything else, this year I looked at what I wanted to write and said, FUCK IT, I'M WRITING IT. And I started dropping horror shit I fully expected that no one would read, because I didn't think people came to fandom for spooky stuff??? And lo and behold, y'all really showed up for those fics! I'm forever grateful you saw me writing absolutely batshit horror and were like yes, Katy, we will also read this creepfest. So much love.

I also tried to write more smut, which I am not particularly adept at, and also some darker themes. I do try to write lighthearted things, haha, but my own mental state has been not stellar, and I think that tends to come out in my fics. And I started writing femslash, which this fandom needs so much more of! So. All in all, a real banger year for me in fandom. I'm pretty proud of a LOT of the fics I wrote this year.

And, obviously, 2023 would not be complete with me mentioning that Vamp and I produced an epic shit ton of words together, and MORE IMPORTANTLY had an absolute blast in doing so. What a whirlwind writing together has been!!! I think we've really gotten to this point of just great flow, and I'm super proud of how we work so well like we do. We DO HAVE SOMETHING ELSE COMING but we've been "planning" it since August and haven't written it yet, so HAHAHA. Anyway. Expect that in 2025, or something. ;)

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

Tagging: @whysamwhy123 @meeplanguage @fille-lioncelle and anyone else who wants to take a stab at this!

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mamadoc · 7 months ago

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1, 2, 11, 20😊

1 - Talk about someone who changed your life.

Okay. I took far too long to think about this. Since we're all in a post 6x6 and TTPD era, here's a vulnerable, tortured answer.

I had a very close friend for several years. My husband and I were very close to her and her husband. Our kids were friends. We went to the same church, all loved to travel, had similar interests and tastes, had all lived internationally, went on double dates, etc. We even considered having them raise our kids if my husband and I both passed away. In sum, we were super close.

Then COVID hit. As a doctor COVID was difficult. I struggled a lot because I was taking care of sick patients. I recall one tearful day of talking to a pregnant mom who was about to be transferred to the ICU and was saying goodbye to her other children. It really wasn't safe or comfortable to go to work for a long time. I wasn't really dealing with it well, especially with the people around me treating it like it didn't matter. I was really depressed for the first time in my life.

This friend didn't understand that or if she did, she didn't care. So, when I said I wasn't interested in going out in public and having any type of birthday celebration for my birthday (who wants to celebrate turning 41 anyway?), she started attacking me on a personal level. I was already in a dark place and instead of being a good friend and supporting me, she just keep sending me hateful messages.

That was the first and only time in my life I considered suicide. I reached out for help and got it. I wasn't in that dark pit for a long time. I'm much better now. I mostly have my sister to thank for that.

I brought her flowers for Valentine's Day with an apology note a few weeks after that. She never apologized. I brought treats to her a few weeks after that with an apology note explaining why I felt so hurt. I tried to call to explain how I felt so that I could heal. She never answered the phone.

I'm still not sure what I have to apologize for or why she never seemed to accept or offer an apology. But that was two years ago. We still don't talk. Our husbands don't talk. Our kids don't play together anymore. For a long time, I didn't like going to church because I knew I'd have to see her.

Most of that is better now. I'm just sad for a lost friendship and for the dark place I had to crawl out of.

I've used a slight modification of her name for a character in one of my stories who betrayed Lucy. I thought that might be therapeutic, but it just brought the situation up to the surface again.

Uhhh... I can't believe I just wrote all of that. I'll try to keep the rest of the answers a bit lighter.

2 - Talk about something you really want to do.

I LOVE to travel. I've been to 47 states and 16 countries. My husband and I had all of our plans in place to get to all 50 states before we turned 40. Then COVID hit and all of our plans were dashed when travel shut down. We're going at a slower pace now, but we're getting close to it. #48 (NM) in October, #49 (HI) July 2025 as a 20th anniversary trip, and #50 (AK) the summer of 2026.

11 - Share something you're proud of.

According to AO3's stats, I've posted over 339k words since I started posting 7 months ago (plus another 9-10k chapter I hope to finish tonight). I know there are those that blow me out of the water (Ahem, ahem @girlintotv and @centralperkchenford) with their numbers, but I'm pretty proud of that as a first-time writer and working mom with 4 young kids.

20 - Share with us a random fact or two.

I'm afraid I've already overshared. *yikes* But here we go.

I'm the oldest of 6 kids. The first 4 of us are all 23 months apart, then 27 months apart, and 25 months apart. So, we're essentially every 2 years for 10 years with all of our birthdays clustered together. 3 boys and 3 girls.

I had the chicken pox for my eighth birthday. My grandparents came to visit for my birthday, but they were afraid of getting shingles. So, I had to stay in my bedroom on the second floor, and they stayed on the first floor for the whole time they were visiting. I still remember standing in the hallway near the dining room while they sang happy birthday. One of my siblings blew out the candles for me and my mom brought me a piece of cake in the hallway. (Man, I'm still rocking those depressing TTPD vibes, aren't I?) I was officially not contagious the day my mom came home from the hospital with baby #5 in our family, and I remember being so excited to be healthy enough to hold my baby brother.

Sheesh. Now you probably won't ever ask me anything again. Between TTPD, 6x6, and the angst I'm supposed to be writing right now, I'm coming up with some strange answers.

Sorry to be the Eeyore in the crowd. Thanks for asking me to play though.

Ask game

#ask game

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n7punk · 11 months ago

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2023 Writing Wrapped!

I think I forgot to do this last year but I was a little burnt out at the time. I had so much fun writing this year I wanted to do a little retrospective/celebration for it (which I encourage everyone to do! Even if you wrote just one fic, take a second to congratulation yourself for accomplishing it).

I wrote 34 fics and updated 118 times this year. Almost half of those were for the Children of the Crystal series (16 fics) but that series was so fun and clocks in at 121k so I'm totally okay with that. If anything, that's a bit of equalizing, because I know my fics are a lot longer on average than most people's since I write a lot of longer AUs (quick math off the top of my head is about half my fics are longer AUs) so now my words-per-fic average is probably a bit closer to usual lol. Actually that got me curious and my average is 20,176 which is honestly lower than I was expecting but still almost certainly higher than average since I've seen a lot of profiles without a single fic that long. Okay I'm a nerd and I did the math and it was only 21,041 before this year which is way more surprising since I really would have thought it was more.

Anyway, I posted 610k words this year between all my fics (though I wrote more in WIPs and upcoming projects). I had so much fun with a lot of the fics I did this year. Children of the Crystal is still a stand out for me, but I'm SO proud of 'the long way down' and I spent the first half of the year pretty feral for each idea as I tore through Hurricane Adora, As Many Lives As It Takes (To Be With You), Superzero, City of Angels, Trade Today For Tomorrow, and CotC of course. February through August I averaged 12 updates a month which is. insane. I updated daily for 12 days in a row in July/August for CotC, and I spent most of that fic series updating every other day.

A lot of that creative energy came from the health stuff that has been bogging me down for a few years (and especially last year) improving, and though I'm still dealing with that, I'm doing a lot better and it has really felt like rediscovering my creative passion. I had a span from like March-ish trhough August I called my "unhinged era" between how feral I was for my ideas, how much I was updating, and just how wild some of those ideas were lol. My slow down at the end of the year came from starting a new job that was very demanding and especially exhausting with my health issues, plus health issues for the rest of my family, but I've still been averaging updating once or twice a week since, so I'm happy with that given everything that has been going on.

Now let's get to the two big ones.

Writing streaks: Definitely not for everyone, but for me they're really motivating and 100% the reason I was able to keep up momentum these last three months with work. I wrote every single day this year. I still can't believe that. Sure, some days it was literally 50 words at the end of the day when I was exhausted, but I also had my highest single-word count day since I started recording them this year at 12,738 on July 18th when I was writing CotC. My previous record was 94 days in a row. 364 is a huge leap. I don't know where I'm going to go with my streak from here. On one hand, it was hugely motivating. On the other, you always want to be careful to prevent burnout. For now, allowing myself to count days where I barely do anything as long as I engage with my WIP seems like a good middle ground since it keeps me motivated and connected to what I'm writing while letting me mostly take time off. I'm exploring more creative hobbies like painting in my free time, though, and as long as I've created that day I don't necessarily feel the need to write, so we'll see if I reconsider my writing streak as a "creating" streak in the future, but for now I'm just going to see how long I can go.

And the final one... my stupid goal.

I can't remember if it was at the end of last year or the start of this one when an anon pointed out how much I had written and I realized I was something like .99% of all Catradora fics on AO3, but my ridiculous goal for this year was to get my fics to 1% of the entire Catradora tag. This goal... I half reached. It takes a bit of explaining.

First, when I first set that goal, I think needed to write twenty-something more fics to reach it. Obviously, I well exceeded that goal at 34 fics, but as I was writing, so was everyone else, so the number of fics I needed to write to reach 1% increased. In the sense of my original benchmark, I definitely passed my goal.

Second, as I write this, AO3 shows there are 11,632 Catradora fics. You can consider 1% of this to be either 116 or 117 depending on rounding. I have 117 She-ra fics, but one of those is a Glimbow fic with no mention of Catradora, so that takes me to 116. However, one of those 116 is tagged as Adora & Catra because it's the CotC fic from when they're small children and meeting for the first time. I consider it a Catradora fic, but it's not actually in the tag and thus doesn't contribute to it. As such, I've fallen short at 115/117, but I really do consider this goal complete for this year given that I passed the initial milestone, the rounding makes the final number debatably 116, and I do actually have 116 "Catradora-centric" fics. That said, I'm very aware those are technicalities and I have a special celebration planned for when I actually, officially become 1% of the tag, so look out for that :) It'll be a great way to celebrate the new year. I'm hoping/planning to do it in the next week or two.

The future: I'm ending this year and starting the next trying to clean up a bunch of WIPs since my fic folder is getting a little ridiculous with the (mostly Outside of the War) one-shots I've written one scene or just a description for, which feels like a really fitting way to end off the year, accomplishing my goals and making everything neat and tidy. I have like 7~ to work though, though my actual goal is maybe 4-5 since I don't want to "force" myself to work on an idea if I'm not feeling it at the second, but I also have a longer AU calling my name, and I don't want to ignore an idea interesting me either... so we'll see, but I'm excited for everything I'm working on right now, and that feels really good. I finished last year in kind of a rough place writing/creativity wise, and I'm finishing this year really excited for everything I did and everything upcoming, so that feels pretty great :)

Thank you to everyone who read and commented this year! I know I ran out of energy to keep up with comments a lot, but they really made me smile so much and I appreciate them so much. Some days they were the difference between the motivation to write 1000 words versus 50. Thanks for another great year!

#fic rambling #ficmeta #mylife

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olderthannetfic · 2 years ago

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The debate about deleting fic or not is quite interesting because I've never seen so many ppl come out of the woodwork to say how sad they are when stuff gets deleted. I'm pretty sure they're talking about the fics that get thousands of kudos and hundreds of comments, and yup it would absolutely be a shame to see those disappear.

But for ppl like me, who get maybe a few kudos and a hundred hits? posting to ao3 feels like screaming into the void sometimes. Like nobody cares. And while I don't plan to delete my own fic (cuz Im still proud of my work), I can sympathize with the writers who do. If nobody cared when I posted, it's hard to even imagine anyone would care if I deleted. Sometimes it's like my fic is the tree falling in the forest with no one to hear it, so it makes no sound. Deletion doesn't feel like it'd make any difference at that point. Anyway, to all the writers who feel like this: i see you and I totally understand how you feel.

Nah, it's often the randos' fics people really mourn years later because their lack of popularity was because they were for some weird fandom or rarepair nobody else wrote much for. Or, hell, maybe they were for a juggernaut, but they were a trope nobody else writes.

The things people obsess over are often things they like that other people don't. Those are the things that feel specific and personal.

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parksprout · 16 days ago

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Sprout Journal 11/13/24

Hey guys!! It was actually such a boring day today so I think this one will be quick ish.

So I went to school this morning and actually managed to pay attention in all of my classes!! Which feels rare these days to be fully honest. None of them were particularly exciting though, so I don't have much to say!! The school year is dying down finally, which I'm so so so grateful for. Whoops I meant semester tdtdtfyg there's still all of spring after this. Anyways I need winter break so badly, I'm feeling burnt out these days - I need time to actually work on my hobbies too. We talked about final exams in most of my classes. For one of them I've just got to finish writing a short story I started, but I'm so unsure what to do with it - I don't feel like the same person who wrote the first draft anymore. Can I emulate the style of this stranger? I'll figure it out I'm sure.

While I was at school me and The Bnuuy had another big conversation tdrctgtcgb. This time it was about some silly stuff. They told me that at one point? Because I look slightly different at different angles in selfies? They thought I might've been a set of twins both flirting with them. Tddttftggh can you imagine? I get it though, I've got a good side and a slightly bad side when it comes to selfies!! And my facial features look really different in different lights tdtdtfyg I think it's cause I'm so pale that you can't really tell the curves of my face in bright white light. We continued talking though and they said some stuff that was really sweet even if they didn't mean it to be. I asked if like .. I can do anything to work on their attraction to me, and they said "I wouldn't change anything about you honestly ToT i fell for you then because you were you". Which is .. so nice. I'm still working on changing regardless but .. ugh. They still like me for me, which means we're closer to love than strangers. They also said that most of the reason they fell away was life circumstances which I fully get.. I can't really do anything about that, but I can show them that in our current spot? Where were both in actually really similar life stages, where we could be a good couple who are both very busy and understanding of boundaries, I would be a good person to date. They also said that they felt like their affection was waning a little, while mine kept going up. I don't think that's fully the truth of it.. I think it was mostly me. I had a lot of loss during the last year we dated, and at first me needing to lean on them more was justified and they seemed to like the attention but .. I kept pushing the envelope. I became dependent on them, I wanted all of their time. I think I annoyed them at the end, that I was too much - I think they could still love me, but that I need to back the FUCK off hddgtftfyfy. Which I can do. I just wish I knew a bit more about how annoying I was being before it was too late!!!

We keep establishing rules and boundaries hdtctftghvg which is something I wanted desperately when we were dating. So .. I feel like if we do again, we'll be better for both of us. Anywayz

After I got done with that talk, or part of it, I had archaeology class!! I got my grade for my presentation .o. I got a 19/20. I feel so good about that ugh. Then I went home!! I rested for an hour then walked my friend Jordan to class while updating him about my life. After that I went to the gym and set a personal best!! 1hr on the elliptical, 4.something miles. I'm so proud and so tired. I took flexing pictures 😌 I felt pretty.

After that I didn't do much!! A really nice shower, cooking my soup, calling my friend Sammy for an hour and then sleeping. It was a good day and I feel good this morning. :) I love y'all!! If anyone even reads these. Bye Tumblr!

#sproutposting #sproutjournals #personal journal #journaling #journal #ugh I'm thinking about the bnuuy right now #i wanna tell them all the things i like about them #and flirt!!! god i miss being flirty in a silly way #or just leaving them long love notes #anywayz #bye Tumblr im kissing your forehead

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sarahowritesostucky · 11 months ago

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2023 In Review : Authors' Edition

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again? I wrote my first drabble. Plan to do more as part of my compliments to fanart that I like and reblog.

How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!) 28

What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? I overuse semicolons and dashes and the first step is admitting you have a problem.

What piece of media inspired you the most? Handmaid's Tale, Snowpiercer (And of course MCU just b/c of Stucky)

What fandom(s) did you write for this year? Marvel/MCU, Actor RPF, Supernatural, Fresh, Snowpiercer, Knives Out

What ship(s) captured your heart? Stucky already had my heart. I really got into other C.Evans and S.Stan characters paired with OFC's, this year though.

What character(s) captured your heart? I liked exploring Curtis Everett and Lloyd Hansen. But I still ride or die for Steve&Bucky.

Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year? Yes!! Lots of new M/F pairings, and 5 new C.Evans characters.

What fic meant the most to you to write? "The Carter Academy for Omega Excellence"--because this was my first commissioned fic and I'm super proud of that. Plus, I've formed a friendship with the person who asked for it!

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on? No clear winner for this one, just a ton of ties. Fluffiest fic was "Angels Are Avian Adjacent"

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing? "The Merging: A Union" - just b/c I've left the SN fandom and was glad to have given the story an end.

What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it? "Medically Necessitated" - because there is SO much I want to include in the plot of this one and it just is hard to keep it all straight in my head sometimes. Plus I'm rarely in the mood to write it because I hold the tone and quality of the writing so dear to my heart, that I don't want to just phone it in or half ass it. It is not finished (yet!).

What fic was the easiest to write? "Wet Dream" was written as a Bingo fill, and it felt like it came pretty easily.

What were your shortest and longest fics this year? "It Started with Helga the Lunch Lady" - 863 words "Medically Necessitated" - 91,000 words

Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023 "Medically Necessitated"

What were you go-to writing songs? "Wicked Game," "Enjoy the Silence," "I want to," "Like U," "Say It," "Falling," "Insomnia," "Should Be Higher," "Daddy Issues."

What were your go-to writing snacks? Kratom, caffeine pills

What was the hardest fic to title? Hydra Sanatorium - the title was actually something else that I decided I didn't like, so it got changed.

Share your favorite opening line A 3-way tie between: 1. "As a gigantic fucking Duh, hiking that last mile home with an ass full of cum is no fun." (BB & his 1001 Fetishes, ch 34), 2. "The Morning When Steve Finds Out What Bucky Wants to do to His Dick:" (Modifications & Improvement of Functions), and 3. "Sebastian’s in the middle of taking a dump when he hears his phone out in the kitchen. “Ah, crap.”" (I Prefer Girls Who're Not Afraid to Cry)

Share your favorite ending line A 3-way tie between 1. "What the hell kind of simp-ass Dom even calls themself something stupid like "Bucky," anyway?" (It Started with Helga the Lunch Lady) 2. "And then, nodding at the box of Midnight Black #106 that the other man is considering, furtively advises, “... don’t do it.”" (Merry & Bright, part 2) and 3. "Well, Bucky utilized his super soldier stealth skills. Steve tripped into the floor lamp." (Good Ol' Fashioned Values)

Share your favorite piece of dialogue I couldn't sort through ALL of the dialogue, lol, but it would definitely be the dirty talk in one of them. A recent one that comes to mind is the sexually tense and taunting back and forth Bucky has with his half-sister in "Make it Stick", or the banter between Ransom and his ex-GF in "Who'd You Have to Blow to Get That Part?"

Share an excerpt from your favorite scene AGAIN, too too many to sort through them all, but I love the scene in Good Ol' Fashioned Values where Steve and Bucky are making love, and Steve is emotional over wanting to be the omega mate he used to be for Bucky, and Bucky tenderly reassures him that he's still the perfect mate: [[“Buck, oh, p-please …”

“Uh huh. That’s right Honey. So soft. You work so hard to go soft for me, don’t you Sweetheart?”

Steve whimpered in a way he rarely did anymore, hands flying up to cover Bucky’s on his neck. “Yes, yes,” he gasped. His fingers curled into Bucky’s metal ones and held on almost desperately. “Please. I can be good. Buck,”

It broke Bucky’s heart a little bit, and he cooed sadly and shook his head. “Aw, Stevie, no.” He changed his pace, slowing down and fucking in deep and staying there to grind them together. “You’re always good, Honey. Always. Even when you can’t.” Steve’s eyes got misty at that, and plaintive, sad sounds started working their way out of his throat alongside the moans. Bucky hushed him. “Shh sh sh, Sweetheart.”]]

Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out? The last paragraph of Modifications & Improvement of Functions, because the tone of the fic was so lighthearted and so twisted at different points, I wasn't quite sure which tone I wanted it to end on. [[Steve’s old junker of a heart gets another ding in it. He pulls Bucky in close to be the little spoon, and lies there kissing at the back of his neck for a long, long time. “You always work right, Buck. You’re always perfect. I love you.” He traces the edges of the star that’s carved into the nape of his neck, and eventually he whispers, “We’ll go to the piercing shop tomorrow.”]]

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story? That a 16 year old character may NOT be written engaging in even non-explicit sexual relationships in a Tumblr fic. I had to reformat a few details to be safe (but I increased the age gap super much instead, so nah nah! 😝(Got my abusive Tumblr Staff Troll 🧌to thank for that one.)

What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.) Google Docs. Sometimes I'll jot something small down straight onto a Tumblr post.

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? I'm just really satisfied with the themes and unique way the narrative handles the subject matter in Modifications and Improvement of Functions, I think. As well as how I navigated the half-sibling incest depicted in "Make it Stick"

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? When I achieved 5 in a rows on Bingos, I posted the masterlists. First time doing that!

How did you recharge between fics? Sleep, binge eating, elliptical machine/gym, Youtube videos.

If this were an awards show, who would you thank? My supporters who have commissioned fics, my most frequent commentors/rebloggers, and the people who supported me when the Tumblr Staff Troll 🧌 started abusing her position. (@smlmsworld, @autumnrose40, @pia-bartolini, @pandafishao3, @albymangroves, @rogersbarneses, @cobaltmoonysart, @justsupersarahthings (@and the others who I probably forgot!)

What’s something that you want to write in 2024? I have a fic I was writing for the @stuckyhistoricalfiction challenge that I never finished because of an injury/recuperation, but I truly love the fic concept and what I have written so far, so I'd like to finish that this year, even if it's just a shorter version than I'd planned. I also had two fics I was supposed to write and another fic I was supposed to draw for, for the @stuckybangs, which I didn't complete due to the injury. I'd love to collab with those partners and fulfill their visions! BUT MOST OF ALL: I want to finish up many, if not most (or all 😅) of my WIPs that I have going. I love them all so much and have no intention of letting any of them remain unfinished forever!

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