#anyway i graduated today < 3 that's why i was doing a photoshoot in the woods lmao

[cemeterym]

went kind of close to the woods to get photographed for 10 minutes and got by my calculations 10 mosquito bites. which are now swelling beyond what a normal person could achieve by scratching them relentlessly for an hour without me even touching them. man i looove being allergic to the most common insect in finnish summertime

[mlqcconfessions]

So i think tumblr sent my ask before I could even tell you what’s on my mind. Lol. Oh well. Let me start over, heyyyy!! So big fan of your blog here. ☺️💙 Never fail to brighten my day. May I ask, how do you think it would be like if MC isn’t a producer but have a different job? (Like say, a medic or whatnot) How will she be able to interact with the guys (and possibly fall in love with them?)

Thanks for the request! Sorry this took so long to answer.

To make things interesting, I gave MC the boys’ occupations (minus Shaw, because he doesn’t have a clear job(?) yet). There may be slight spoilers regarding certain backstories. Also, MC will already be in a relationship with the guys.

Enjoy!

MLQC Headcanon - More Jobs than Barbie

Victor (MC as *police officer*)

Victor wasn’t always supportive of you joining the police force

He was concerned that you would be overworked by the other seniors in the station (but who would dare to, honestly)

But when he saw how passionate you were, he quickly changed his mind

He technically owns a part of the station? (as a part of a partnership with LFG)

Despite his extremely busy schedule as THE CEO of THE LFG, he always finds time to pack you lunch

He won’t hear any excuses as to why you had to settle for 3 choux buns today

“Victor, we were trailing a suspect!”

“If you faint on the job, it’s a bother to your co-workers” (he says while feeding you his homemade fried rice)

He was irritated one day when he noticed you came home without your lunch box

“Oh, Tony (bringing back the LEGEND) forgot his, so I shared mine with him”

“........did you now....”

You know that face too well

“Don’t worry! I made him promise to return it tomorrow” (Dummy, that’s not the issue here)

The next day, Victor didn’t leave a lunch box on the table like usual

Maybe it’s because Tony still has my lunch box?

You went to your shift without giving it much thought

Lunchtime came around, but you still didn’t have anything to eat

“MC? Here’s your lunch box” (you turned around to see Tony standing there with your box)

“Ah, thanks!”

“Uh...if you don’t have any plans, do you wanna go eat somewhere?”

“Yeah sure, I didn’t bring food anyways!”

“Who says you don’t have food?”

A chilling voice suddenly appears behind you

“Vi-Victor?” (Tony’s jaw drops in fear)

He’s holding a lunch box you’ve never seen before, stacked with 3 layers of cooking by Souvenir’s finest

He tosses your old lunch box back to Tony

“She won’t be needing this anymore”

Kiro (MC as *neurologist*)

Your work as a scientist was demanding, without a doubt

But it’s not as tiring as answering Kiro’s endless array of questions

“MC! What does this one do?” (Kiro, stop pressing those)

“Will this turn my hair purple?” (Kiro, that’s anesthesia)

“Look at this! My knee is going all bouncy!” (Kiro, put that reflex hammer down)

It’s like setting a kindergartener loose in a zoo

It’s not like you hated him being there when you worked

If anything, it was really adorable (especially when he looked at you so intently with those bright, shining sapphire eyes)

He has his own corner in your lab (he spent 5 days decorating it)

He bought a mini-fridge to hold the sweets, and a pantry for the chips

He doesn’t visit ALL the time, though (and it actually feels lonely without him)

When he has work, he would call beforehand (he says you can eat the cake on the top shelf of the fridge)

Kiro likes taking naps on the couch by your desk

It was originally meant for YOU to use (something about letting your brain rest along with your body)

But he’s the one sleeping in it (Savin has to drag him out when he has a schedule)

Because he’s not authorized to handle the materials in your lab, he just stands close to you while you work

But he INSISTS on wearing a lab coat like yours

“We’re matching, MC! Do I look like a scientist?”

One day he brought stole glasses from his stylist because he wanted to look smarter (gosh he’s precious)

He spends so much time at the center that all the other scientists keep expecting him

Some of them were fans of Kiro, and figured out the way to his heart was by feeding him food

Which was a lie, since the only person he opened his heart to was you

He just doesn’t turn down food

Lucien (MC as *CEO*)

He was always proud to call you his fiancée, especially when you’re running such a huge company as its CEO

Lucien’s job as a neurologist and researcher meant he wasn’t able to be with you for long (and same with you)

You became so lonely that you decided to invest in Lucien’s lab

“MC, are you sure you don’t want to discuss this with Anna and the others?”

“Yeah! I’m just happy I get to see you more often now!”

Lucien laughs softly (What am I going to do with this sunshine)

But that doesn’t mean you’re terrible at your job

If anything, your ability to run one of the biggest companies in Loveland is immeasurable

Before your father passed, he made sure to teach you everything there is to know about entrepreneurship

Thanks to him, and with the help of your trusted employees, you’ve never ran into major problems

You’re happy with your job, and satisfied that you can continue what your father did when he was alive

Plus, you get more time with Lucien

He sometimes visits your office to give reports on how the various projects the lab is working on (it gives you a boost every time)

“Wait, hold that pose!” *click

When he’s reporting, he always changes out of his usual lab coat and into a suit (because he is meeting his “Boss”, after all)

And you take OOTD pictures to save in your hard drive

He never says anything about it

In fact, he enjoys it as much as you do

He loves it even more when your face turns red after Minor walks in on your photoshoot session

“HA HA! Boss, have you been doing this every time Mr. Xu comes?”

You say nothing, and just bury your face on your desk

Lucien doesn’t say anything either, but the smile on his face marginally grows more sinister

Minor senses something is wrong and nearly drops the files he was holding

“We-well, have fun Boss!” (he dashes out the door in an instant)

You look up and see Lucien tidying your messy hair

“What’s wrong with Minor?” (didn’t he bring the files I need to sign?)

“(he tucks your hair behind your ears and smiles) Hmm.... who knows?”

Gavin (MC as *idol*)

He had heard from his sources (Minor) that you graduated Loveland University with a major in the performing arts

He knew you would pursue this field from the beginning

After all, he would listen in on your rehearsals for the plays in high school (he never told you, of course)

He was afraid that you might be uncomfortable if he was there, with all the rumors going around about him

That’s why he never attended any of your plays (he paid no mind to Minor’s constant begging)

Instead he liked sitting on the theater roof, happily drowning himself in your voice (the same voice that saved him that day, when he discovered his Evol)

The day you reunited with him was when you were filming a show outside

He had to do a double-take when he saw you surrounded by cameras and fans (Isn’t that guy getting a little TOO close??)

You actually spotted him too, but pretended not to (you were still caught over the scary rumors about the upperclassman)

But that was nearly a year ago

Now the two of you are in a relationship (something neither of you thought was possible)

He knew you weren’t allowed to date publicly because of scandals, but he still wanted to show off his beautiful “Ginkgo” (which is what your name is saved as on his phone)

The only other person who knows is Minor

He doesn’t go around blabbing about it, but he does tease Gavin any chance he gets

“Hey, Gavin. Guess what I have for you (he hands a limited issue of your exclusive magazine)? There was only 1 copy left, and I got it for you. Now you can go brag to your cop friends”

Gavin promptly yanks the magazine away from Minor, who has an unbelievable grin on his face

“Shut it”

He doesn’t give back the magazine, though

This was such an interesting prompt to write! Thanks to @aliaisreal for the amazing request!

[orbitariums]

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟕)

note: omg YALLLLL this chapter took me so long to write and was lowkey frustrating i hope y’all love ittttt 

there’s some teaaaa towards the end y’all!! and i’m soooo excited to see where their relationship goes

this is i think the longest chapter of girls on film? BEAR WITH ME!!

playlist

warnings: age gap, masturbation, sexually frustrated steve!, feelingsss <3, mentions of weed & alcohol

word count: 10.7k

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 7: 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

    "Okay, now twirl around for me a little."

Aaliyah threw her head back with laughter as she followed through with your request and spun around, her dress lifting up while she turned, a smile on her face all the while. The light hit her just right against the brick wall she was posing in front of, and you chuckled as you snapped a photo on your cheap - but functioning - camera. You paused to look through the pictures and grinned as you scrolled through the selection.

   "I keep telling you my cousin takes pictures, she could've hooked us up with a photoshoot photoshoot, like a real one."

    "I know," you grinned, speaking quietly as you were still focusing on the results of the pictures you'd just taken. "I wanna do everything myself though, you know?"

You squinted through your sunblocked eyes as you looked up at your beautiful best friend, continuing,

    "Total creative control."

Aaliyah gazed down at you in admiration, and pushed up the sunglasses that you designed,

    "That's YN for you. Independent in every way. How'd the pictures come out?"

     Aaliyah bounded up next to you, unable to contain all her excitement to see herself in your clothes. Today was the long awaited photoshoot that you and Aaliyah had been organizing for the past week, a photoshoot wherein Aaliyah modeled for your brand. You organized it together, just the two of you, and put together a plan. You were always ready to organize something, which was why you performed so well at all your jobs - student, state rep office intern, and camgirl.

    But this was more than just logic and planning, you truly put your heart and soul into this, because even though you did a lot already, you were centering your clothing brand as your main focus as the summer and graduation drew closer. After college, you'd have to figure your life out. Aaliyah would be trying her hand at med school, but with your Environmental Studies major, you didn't figure that you would be attending grad school. You could get an entry level job somewhere, a place that was similar to your job as an intern at the state rep office, because you could advocate for environmental policy there.

     Or you could continue working where you worked, but you figured after graduation it would be best to shift. You already had your own place, and had moved out of college dorms at the end of your sophomore year, so you had no reason to move. But regardless of what you ended up doing as a career, you were excited for free time to continue your clothing brand.

You had already created the website, and you were going to be putting up listings following this photoshoot in which Aaliyah modeled all the clothing you had available. This was an exciting day for both of you, you felt like you were moving into the next step of your life and Aaliyah was so glad to be supporting you. You showed her the pictures while she squealed in awe, the both of you clamoring over which ones were the best. You felt grateful for this moment, and prayed there would be more like this to come. Right now was only the beginning.

     "Issa look!" you chimed excitedly, pointing at one of the pictures of Aaliyah in a pair of distressed jeans and a tube top you had sewn.

      "YN, I'm seriously so proud of you," Aaliyah said suddenly, and more serious than usual, making you look up from the camera.

You smiled bashfully,

     "Thank you, babes."

     "No, but really though. These past few months just watching you and being your friend has been amazing. Like you've grown so much, it's crazy. And now you're here finally starting your own brand. I know we're gonna be doing different shit once college is over but I'm so excited to see what more comes out of this, and who you become."

     You nearly teared up at Aaliyah's words. She had really been by your side ever since you met, but especially over the past few months, and without even fully knowing what was going on. She might have known about your toxic ex, but you'd hardly spoken to her about Steve. Before you found out who he was, it was just a fun thing, and you only talked about it in joking spirits - but not too much, because you didn't want it to seem like it was serious. And now that you knew who he was, you didn't talk about him at all - she didn't even know that he'd ghosted you.

     But the fact that she stayed by your side all that time, watching you crumble and watching you build yourself back up again, oblivious to the entire story, made you feel so grateful for her. You had done the same for her and she would always do the same for you. The reciprocation wasn't transactional, it was mutual and out of love.

     Now you were slowly but surely moving on to the next chapters of your lives. While that wouldn't change how close you were, it would mean that you wouldn't be on the same campus day in and day out, and that could make things different. But you were glad to know you had a friend like her to hold you down.

     Days like this where you were thriving, making progress, getting shit done, were days where you felt your best.

✺ ✺ ✺

     It had been a little over a week since Steve started talking to you on Snapchat, figuring the ins and outs of the ten second videos you would send to him or post on your story, how to customize his Bitmoji to look like him (something you guided him through), and even how to send snapchats himself. You were much more advanced than him when it came to that, though, and you never failed to make fun of Steve for his lack of knowledge on how to take a proper selfie. But as much as Steve loved the fun of Snapchat and the new way to communicate with you as just you, he couldn't help but feel like there could still be more.

And again, he thought that maybe it was possible he was getting eager and hopeful to the point of illusion. Like maybe he was only feeling this way because this was all so new to him and the euphoria that came with this new, exclusive friendship was leading to delirium. But it was a small part of him that felt this way, and he had spent enough time thinking about it to have logical conversations with himself about it. He wasn't letting it drag him down, nor was he drowning in his thoughts.

    No, that was what he would've done before. Like you, he had been through some sort of growth, even while he was in the slump that was induced after he stopped talking to you. He realized it was time to stop resisting out of fear and just communicate honestly with himself what he wanted, instead of just sinking into the same cycles he used to let himself go through when he was avoiding the truth.

And so that was why despite this small thought he had, that he was going overboard because he wasn't used to this kind of situation, he didn't brush it off completely. He knew that this tugging feeling at his heartstrings was there for a reason, that if he were to ignore it, he'd either give in dangerously, or miss a beautiful opportunity.

    He was taking things slow though, which was why he wasn't just diving straight into the feelings of more intimate attraction that he knew could definitely be there if the both of you just pushed the blinds back a little. What he knew he wanted now though, was the opportunity to continue talking to you on a deeper level. Snapchat was nice, but it felt a bit artificial.

There was only so much that you could do to communicate on a real level over the internet, seeing as you lived on the other side of the country from each other. Steve might have been old fashioned for wanting more, when there was only so much he could get.

     But he felt like there was an option for even more personal interaction, though having you on Snapchat felt incredibly intimate - seeing no one else on the cam site got to see your regular life like this. He started to think about the brief conversation he had with you in which you were trying to decide how to communicate safely and personally outside of the Girls on Film site. One of the methods that came up was texting. But for the sake of safety, Steve had denied that form of communication.

     Now, though, he was having second thoughts, spurred on by a moment he caught between Natasha and Tony while he was in the meeting room going through paperwork.

They had been sitting in the meeting room too, Natasha just scrolling through one of her many phones with her feet up on the table before her, a red twizzler sitting in her mouth.

     "Mind taking your feet off the table?" Tony asked shortly, glaring at Natasha and the way she was sitting.

     "Why?" Natasha droned, eyes slowly moving to meet Tony's.

     "Uh, how 'bout because it's incredibly expensive material and I just got it professionally cleaned."

     "No one asks you to get the tables professionally cleaned you bourgeoise ass," Natasha snapped back, but she put her legs down anyways, continuing to tap away on her phone.

Steve was just regarding their snapping at each other as background music, and not really paying much attention. Natasha sighed suddenly,

     "I don't understand why it's so hard for these buyers to understand that I can't give them my real number. Like, am I giving mixed signals?"

Tony chortled at Natasha's demise. Steve knew Natasha was referring to the fact that she sometimes used a blocked number for business or personal reasons, and that when she used it, no one could see the number it was coming from. It was basically an encrypted phone number which Tony helped set up. Natasha was in the habit of building up a knife collection as a hobby. Whether or not she would put those knives to use was unknown, but it was something she was doing for the time being.

    Steve hadn't thought much about it, but now that he was hearing Natasha actually talk about texting these people, he was starting to perk up and listen to her. Inevitably, thoughts of you started to trickle into his mind. Like, if Natasha could use her phone for personal matters such as this, there was a likelihood that Steve could maybe, just maybe, do the same thing. He knew that Natasha's personal matters weren't quite the same as his own, but it was worth a try.

    "There's something about a dominant woman that men can't resist," Tony commented, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

    "You'd think the fact that I'm buying knives from them would make them a little less comfortable," she grumbled, and Tony put a supportive hand on her shoulder, patting her arm.

    "You could scare 'em off, don't worry."

    Steve was leaning forward, listening closely to the conversation now. Natasha turned her head over to Steve with a devious smirk,

     "What's up, Steve? Think you could give us some insight on this?"

She was teasing him mercilessly, alluding to that forsaken time that Steve's guilty pleasure had been broadcast on the projector during one of their meetings. That hadn't quite been forgotten yet, and still got brought up in a teasing manner, though no one could figure out why Steve became so withdrawn when it was brought up. Steve was only lucky they didn't know the full extent of his endeavors. Steve stilled slightly, but didn't retract, only replying with a stern glare at Natasha before he continued.

    "You... text these buyers?"

    "Yeah. I have like, a bunch of numbers on one phone, Tony hooked it up. And I have a bunch of other phones. It's kinda hard to keep track. The only people that really have my number are like, you two, and some other people here. But it's rare that we even text for, you know, personal, kinda recreational stuff. Unless Tony wants my opinion on what movie we should watch," Natasha shrugged.

     "Huh," was all Steve said, but he leaned back in his chair, stroking his chin slightly in contemplation.

      "By the way, why don't you ever text me? Thought we were friends, Steve," Natasha joked lightly, but Steve was already focused on furthering what was just the beginning of his idea.

     "He doesn't need to text you, you routinely save each other's lives," Tony scoffed.

      "Tony, mind if I talk to you about something? In private," Steve turned his head to Tony and locked eyes with him.

Tony just smiled and got up instantly,

     "Steve, I never thought you'd be the one asking to step into my office."

      Steve cringed, thinking back to the time when Tony had asked to step into his office and had passed on the knowledge of Girls on Film to Steve, reminiscing on Tony's immense sense of pride and his need to act as a therapist.

     "We can just talk in the hallway," Steve suggested, but to no avail, Tony shaking his head and marching up to Steve, putting his arm around his shoulder.

     "No, no, step into my office," Tony repeated, leading Steve to his office where he closed the door, and gestured for Steve to sit in front of the desk while Tony settled into his seat behind the desk. Once they got settled in, Tony just grinned at Steve. "So... you need something."

    "It was really just a simple question, we could've even talked about it in the meeting room," Steve started to stammer, feeling a little less confident in his decision to try to talk to you on a personal level.

      When he'd heard Natasha talking about how she was able to text personally through a blocked number, he started to think of you and the conversation you'd had about texting him. Snapchat had ended up being the compromise for the two of you, but Steve was beginning to think texting might be better. He loved seeing your life on Snapchat, but social media could only be so real. And Steve wanted to be able to call you and FaceTime you. He could do all those things on Girls on Film, but he was taking a break from that. Besides, it wouldn't really be a friendship if he had to pay you to talk to you.

     "Well, you're here now. Let it loose," Tony shrugged, and Steve nodded.

     "I was just wondering exactly how Nat's able to text people personally without them seeing her number. I know you're kinda the one in charge of all our technology, and hell if I know how to do it myself."

    "Done. I can walk you through it."

    "Oh, really. Just- just like that?" Steve sat up, starting to get a little excited thinking of the now possibilities.

Tony shrugged, as if it were quite simple,

    "Pretty much. You seem excited." Tony started to sound like he was catching in, leaning back in his chair and resting his chin on his palm, raising an inquiring brow. "Wanna talk to someone special?"

    "Special?" Steve nearly choked on his own words, shaking his head and lowering it, not wanting to make eye contact with Tony. "No, no... nothing like that."

He laughed nervously, both because he was a bit of a newbie when it came to lying, and because he was thinking of you, which already made him appear a little dopey. He tried to control it, but in reality, thinking of you actually made him smile. It was confusing - he hadn't felt that way before, and he definitely didn't expect it from himself. He was serious, deep into his work. And you weren't distracting him from his work, but you were making his days just a bit brighter.

     And it was something that puzzled him, delightfully. It was why he knew he had to dig deeper, not recoil and be concerned. The confusion was actually pleasant to work through. It helped him sort through his feelings, because the confusion only uncoiled to show his true feelings of desire. He figured maybe the confusion just stemmed from the fact that he never allowed himself to give into these kinds of feelings. So he didn't understand them, not quite yet.

He just knew there had to be a reason that this situation felt so unique. If he didn't give into his feelings until now, there had to be something there. It told him that he should get to know you on that level. It gave him that push to finally test out the waters. Steve Rogers, actually catching romantic feelings - it didn't even sound right, yet it was exactly what was happening. Everyday, he seemed to go even deeper.

    "Special lady?" Tony guessed, making Steve compose himself and look up, folding his arms, crossing his legs and looking dead ahead at Tony.

    He shook his head and sniffled slightly, eyes breaking away from Tony as he started to lie again, this time as best as he could,

    "No."

    "You sure about that, Cap?" Tony began to pry, one raised eyebrow at a time. "I mean, there's gotta be a reason you've been all... cute lately."

    "Cute?" Steve scoffed, furrowing his brows and looking at Tony.

Steve wasn't exactly nervous to be having this conversation, but it wasn't exactly something he wanted to entertain with Tony. Again, he was keeping you, your relationship, private. Not secret, but private. Nobody else needed to know what Steve had been getting down to, and he didn't want them knowing the specifics of it - not because he was afraid of the fact that you were a sex worker or that you were younger, but because it would be best if he didn't have to explain himself and just how he'd gotten to meet you.

    It wasn't like he was forbidden from seeing anyone, in fact it was encouraged by almost everyone that Steve knew. He just figured there might be more hubbub if he had to explain that he hadn't actually met you in real life - he didn't want his team doubting the security of the relationship you two had, or passing along premature judgments. Besides, he wasn't even fully sure himself. He was really only just now looking into the idea. He didn't want everyone in on it before he even solidified anything.

    Tony rolled his eyes, waving his hand dismissively,

    "You know what I mean. You've been all, you know, nice again. What's goin' on champ, you can talk to me. Who's the girl?"

Steve shook his head. Surely people had noticed his shift in character yet again, and it was becoming more prominent everyday. Tony would be the first to meddle, try to figure out why. No one knew why he'd been so moody the past few months, or why his moods would suddenly change positively. And he wasn't wrong, it was a girl. But Steve wasn't ready yet. He shook his head, denying it one last time before getting up out of his chair,

     "It's nothing like that. I do want that blocked number, though."

    "Easy."

| | |

     Tony tried to pry again later on when he showed Steve how to use his phone to block out his own number, but Steve didn't give in, he just took the phone back and closed the door to his room, logging on to Snapchat so he could talk to you.

     You replied to him quickly, his name popping up on your screen. It was funny, you went through so many names for him on Snapchat (cap, captain, Mr. America, even Mr. Rogers), but you decided to keep it simple. Like Steve, you were also keeping this private - who would you tell besides Aaliyah anyways?

It would be wise for you to keep it private, and that's what you were doing. That's why his name on your Snapchat was just: "Steve ❤️ 💙" followed by a red and blue heart. Although, true to his nature, his username was: "SG.R0818", a username he practically randomized in order to stay incognito.

    He was glad you responded fast, from that moment and onward. Even though the both of you talked to each other on the app, you each had busy schedules and different time zones. So sometimes responses were a bit laggy. Still, your conversations always felt right.

Steve ❤️ 💙 Hey, I've got something I wanted to talk to you about.

YN ♡ shoot!

Steve ❤️ 💙 I was thinking about what you said, about texting each other.

YN yeah... are you tryna say something stevie?

     Steve's upper lip curved up at the nickname. You didn't know it, or maybe you pretended not to, but it spurred something inside of him when you used any kind of nickname on him. It was just in your naturally flirty demeanor to do so, and maybe this was how you showed Steve that you saw the romantic potential as well. You both obviously did like each other as more than friends, but neither of you had really acted on that yet, and that was fine with you. Just hinting at it, slightly, and being friends, was enough. You didn't think it was that serious.

Steve ❤️ 💙 I decided that I think it would be nice for us to try to text each other. I like Snapchat, but texting is a little easier. We could FaceTime and call each other if you want. I just think it might be a little more real - well, as real as it can get over the phone.

If that's something you're comfortable with. My number would be blocked out, but you'll know it's me.

     It was a good thing that Steve couldn't hear you, because you kind of made a weird squealing noise, and threw your hand over your mouth, eyes widened. You were used to talking to him by now, but it was still quite exciting to know who you were talking to. And the idea of actually texting him, and maybe even calling him and getting to see his face outside of your cam website? It excited you.

     And it made you happy to think that he really wanted this friendship to go somewhere. You didn't know the full extent of what he wanted to do just yet, but you were glad to see that he was trying, and that he actually enjoyed talking to you enough to want to text and call you regularly. So you steadied your fingers before you typed back, hoping to show your enthusiasm through a simple Snapchat.

YN i'd love to! i'm so glad it's something you've been thinking about. i agree, it feels better to text sometimes. and it'll feel even more normal, i guess. here, i'll give you my number so you can text me.

     And from that moment on, Steve was in. He was almost giddy saving your number as a contact. For him, for the both of you, this was another step forward in your relationship. It felt like you were slowly trusting each other more and more. You had already knocked down a major wall just by talking to each other after the reveal to begin with, and by having the reveal in the first place.

      So, he was glad that this was coming into fruition. He was satisfied with this. For now. For your name, he typed in your real first name, because that was how he knew you now. And your real name would stand out less if anyone got ahold of his phone messages somehow. He started out by sending a simple text, saying hello and making sure you knew it was him. And even though his number was blocked out, it was clear as day. You were both glad to have moved on to this, to have so many forms of communication between the two of you. It didn't seem like a big deal, but considering your situation, it kind of was. The littlest steps made the room shake.

✺ ✺ ✺

    The days seemed to flow by at this point. Like, you felt like getting through life was a breeze. No unexpected storm to knock you off your smooth sailing course to greatness. You were truly moving up, on and out. You felt like now, after all the time you took for yourself to heal, all the time you spent in a sort of neutral state - not going out much, staying to yourself - you could really celebrate.

      Even though you were growing all through that neutral state, you felt like now you could finally see through all the fog that had gathered. All the uncertainty that had followed you along your path was nonexistent. You were just glad that you were back on your feet again and feeling like you could take on more new things.

    Now that you were nearing graduation, you were really just focusing on final projects and exams schoolwise. For yourself, you were starting work on your online clothing store and camming even more. And you were enjoying your life, being a normal college student, who had Steve Rogers' number. Maybe you didn't actually have his number, but that was how you were choosing to describe it. If you didn't have the discipline that you had, you would be telling everyone about this. But you weren't stupid, so you kept it all to yourself.

    You and Steve often talked late into the night, or at random times during the day. Towards nighttime, your conversations often became a bit deeper, the kind of conversation that would've scared Steve off a while ago. But he was becoming more comfortable with you, and you could tell. You were moving slowly so as to be careful, but you didn't feel like you had to. You just figured it would be wise. But these deep conversations touched on the topics that you hadn't been able to get into that time when Steve left so abruptly.

    When the stars were peering into your bedroom window late at night, that was when you opened up about your past love life. He listened to you talk about your ex, give all the details about it, and he listened to you talk about how much healing it took you to get out of the nasty habits that had developed all through your life, but especially when you were with your ex. How you learned to be more independent, how you learned not that you couldn't trust, but that you had to be mindful about your relationships. You had always been driven, but especially after that mess of a situation.

    Your whole life you'd been surrounded by this sense of needing more in some way. Your parents were loving, but they didn't always show it - they supported you mostly, but there was no way you could really show them who you were, not entirely. There was always this air of dismissiveness that came from them, and you had never been close to either of them, not the way other kids were.

So you knew what it was like to be grasping for something, anything. You just wanted love in its unconditional form, you wanted a life that wasn't hindered by those around you.

   Sometimes this made your life even harder, because you found yourself doing things for people who didn't deserve it, hoping that they might see how much you were willing to do for them and maybe even reciprocate. But these days, your want, your human need for love and emotional support just pushed you further, blocked out the people who you didn't really need, and attracted you to the lifestyle that you deserved. And you turned out alright, but it took a lot to keep going. You buried yourself in work which you genuinely enjoyed. You tried new things, you moved out on your own, you created your own sturdy relationships. You knew how to make a pathway out of a rocky road. You were just glad that you felt like you were gliding through your life nowadays, and that the ship was sailing smoothly.

Steve was one of the people who you felt like the universe had somehow brought to you for a positive reason.  A strange and random decision, but positive, nonetheless. You thought of how odd the circumstance was and you figured, it must have been destined. You were glad to be having these kinds of conversations with him.

And you were also glad that you had the beach. California wasn't California without its lustrous, beautiful, palm tree filled beaches. You were on your way to one with a few friends right now, on a weekend with no classes, celebrating after an intense study week, preparing for finals. The radio was blaring, the windows turned down, the warm and salty sea breeze blowing in through the open windows.

     Around you was sort of this happy blur. You absorbed it, being jostled around by your friends dancing beside you, Aaliyah right by your side. You were laughing and smiling, a bottle of Capriccio's Sangria to your lips, babbling along to the song on the radio.

    "Y'all are way too hype right now," your friend Violet joked from the front passenger seat, sat next to her boyfriend Luke, who was the designated driver.

She was met with a chorus of voices singing along to the radio song, and just rolled her eyes playfully, laughing. It felt good to finally be celebrating, especially since you'd been very focused on school for the past week. The beach was one of your favorite places to be - you felt so much at home. You grew up surfing all through middle school and high school, and this area was quite popular for surfboarding, so you were giddy at the thought of that. The beach felt like home to you, a California native.

    Sure, it wasn't all sunshine and ocean waves, but you were pretty much the epitome of a California girl, and proud. So for you, it was a lot of sunshine and ocean waves. You felt a strong connection to this place, but you were always willing to explore. It was why you were so attached to traveling and hiking.

    "YN, you look literally so pretty today," your friend Cameron complimented you as you held up your phone, taking a very impromptu selfie.

Your closed, glossy lips were turned up in a smile, your cheeks full and eyes slightly glazed over from the combination of a shared joint and the liquor you'd been drinking on the way.

    "Cam," you pouted, leaning over and kissing their cheek. "You're literally so pretty, everyday."

You cooed over each other while you pressed send on your selfie, sending it to Steve on Snapchat with no caption.

    "Girl, who are you sending that to?" Aaliyah grinned devilishly, peeking over your shoulder as she caught your screen out of the corner of her eye.

Before she could see, you shut off the phone and narrowed your eyes at her playfully, poking your tongue out at her,

     "Nobody!"

     She smiled but didn't seem fully convinced, pointing at you,

      "It better be me. I need a new lock screen."

      "Oh, you flatter me," you teased, smiling and sitting back, laying your head on Aaliyah's shoulder and your legs across Cameron's lap, sitting in this blurry, noted happiness.

      You weren't thinking, you were just living in the moment, enjoying the smell of the ocean waves as you drifted closer to the scorching shore, focusing on the light scratch of acrylic nails massaging your scalp, the touch of a friend's arm resting over your bare legs, clad in shorts with a bikini bottom underneath, and a discarded shirt tied around your waist as you lay in your bikini top. You didn't know how your mindless selfie would inspire a confession.

✺ ✺ ✺

    "Finally, you dweebs chose a movie," Nat grunted as she sat down in between Steve and Sam, sprawling out and kicking her legs up on Sam's lap.

    "Not sure when I became your body pillow," Sam made a face at Nat, but he made no effort to push her away, his comment only making Tony scoff,

    "You're saying you wouldn't want that?"

    "Don't be a perv, Tony," Wanda reprimanded him, and he made a face, feigning innocence,

    "What? Is it so wrong to cuddle with a friend?"

    "I'm not understanding," Vision commented.

    "Can we just start the movie?" Bucky whined through his laughter.

Steve was entertained by the conversation, but he had other things on his mind. Well, really just you. Steve thought about you everyday. You came across his mind whether he meant for you to or not. Sometimes he saw something and thought of you, because he was learning something new about you everyday, ever since adding you on Snapchat. He learned these little things about you through your Snapchat stories, and you'd been texting each other every day since he got your number.

     He also learned things about you that weren't so little, and whenever you shared those things about yourself, he made sure to pay attention. When you shared these things with Steve, he found himself being mindful of what he said and how he replied - mindful instead of careful or hesitant. He was learning to absorb your words and turn them over in his mind. He was making an effort to try and understand you in the things you said that exposed your little quirks, your core beliefs, your history.

    He appreciated how open you were being with him, and he understood how he had a responsibility, being who he was, to keep you feeling secure enough to share these things, to constantly make it clear that he understood, or at the very least, that he was listening. He just wished he had more time to flesh it out, to talk these things out over the phone instead of over text, or even in person, something that he knew wouldn't be possible.

    And even though he felt so much closer now that he had your number, he couldn't help the small tugging inside of him that told him he'd be wanting more- and he couldn't figure out what "more" would look like for the life of him. You were so beautiful, it was overwhelming, and you gave Steve constant reminders of your beauty in every text, every goodnight selfie, every story you shared. Everyday he was falling harder for your beauty, inside and out.

     It was lighthearted still. It didn't feel serious because the idea didn't make him feel unsettled, it didn't make him recoil in fear. But it had the potential to be serious, without all the negative dread that usually came with realizations such as this. He was just flirting with the idea of forging this romantic connection with you, but this tugging in him was now asking him when? When would he tell you how he felt, when would it get to the point where he needed to tell you? For now, Steve was just living through it, letting himself be free and happy in the moment.

     He was satisfied with what he had now, when it came to you. He'd already taken the next step by getting your number and finding out even more ways to communicate with you outside of the site. He didn't want to feel ungrateful for wanting even more, for even entertaining the idea of telling you how he was feeling, especially when it wasn't anything deadly serious yet.

    He knew he liked you, the fact was clear as day. He knew the way he liked you had the potential to be romantic, otherwise he wouldn't be thinking about you this often, and he wouldn't be seeing you in such a beautiful light. He felt lighter on his feet any time you came into his mind, and in his mind, there was a golden aura around you, around everything you did.

The fact that he saw you in this way made him think hard. Would he feel even more than he was feeling? Would it become enough that he would have to tell you? And he wondered, if, and only if, he did announce it - when would that point come? He was in a daze, leaning back on the couch, his phone in his hand while he waited for the movie to start up.

     "What are we watching, again?" Nat called out, cupping her hands over her mouth.

     "Star Wars: A New Hope," Tony smirked, satisfied with the movie choice.

     "Is that the one with the dog monster?" Rhodey made a face, shaking his head slowly. "Not a huge fan."

     "Pretty sure his name is Chewbacca," Bucky corrected Rhodey, and Sam cackled, clapping in satisfaction.

     "The senile knows more about one of the most iconic movie franchises than you," he teased. "How does that work?"

Steve just shook his head and smiled, turning his head to Bucky who was talking to him,

    "You ever seen Star Wars?"

    "No, but I'm pretty sure Sam recommended it," Steve smiled lazily.

    He hadn't quite updated Bucky on his status with you, but they had talked about it briefly since the time Bucky had given Steve the advice that helped push him to talk to you again. Steve was purposefully very vague during the talk with his best friend, but he made it clear that things were patched up. Bucky probably could've figured it out before anyone else, could've made the connection between Steve and Moonrose first, because Steve had given him the most information about it.

    "It's pretty good, I've seen the prequels - that guy Darth Vader, he was actually pretty hot before he turned. You'll see, we should watch all the movies together," Bucky explained simply and carefully, as if it were common knowledge to him.

Steve was laughing, shaking his head.

    "Sure pal," he was beginning to say, before he diverted his attention to his phone as a notification lit up his screen. It read: Snapchat: YN. His eyes lit up, and he tried to hide his excited reaction as he opened the picture from you. And when he did, he wasn't ready for what he was seeing.

    You sent Steve a lot of pictures, and he thought you were gorgeous in all of them, even the ones with the filters that made your face look all distorted. But something was different about this picture, the vibes it gave off. He felt the same way he felt when he would watch your shows - like he was there with you, because he could feel your happiness emanating through the screen.

He felt like if he looked at it long enough, he might be there with you. And everything about this picture was glowing, especially you - it screamed young, college girl having the time of her life, and that made him feel so happy for you.

    And it also stirred a feeling in him, something that hadn't been awoken for a long time.

    Upon viewing the image, he immediately cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably because of the growing tent in his pants, trying to hide his phone screen so no one would look.

    The picture was so simple. You were in a car, sun shining through the windows, the light hitting you just right, and you were smiling. But Steve was hyperfocused on the way you had obviously been basking in the sun, the glow clear on your face. Your skin was dewy and fresh, and your lips were sheen in a pink gloss that only called more attention to them. Your hair seemed wild around your shoulders, but it only made you look more appealing, more free spirited.

And again, you'd sent him so many pictures like this, but for some reason, this photo in particular was somehow arousing everything in him. You were so beautiful it hurt- he felt a pang in his chest, and the sudden growth in his pants didn't assist with the pain.

   Your eyes, though vibrant and youthful, were glazed over, and all Steve could think of was how they looked when you blinked away tears after an intense orgasm. He thought about your soft, luscious lips against him, but this time he was thinking about what it might be like to kiss your lips, tainted with red.

And to add insult to injury, you were wearing a tight bikini top, and the picture cut off just where your breasts started to show, peeking out through the white fabric, the thin white strings against your sun kissed shoulders holding them up - just barely. He felt so fucking stupid. Like he shouldn't be feeling so much because of a simple image. But whatever was happening, this picture was stirring up something inside of him that he couldn't ignore. This had to be taken care of.

    He sat up immediately, trying to use his shirt to cover his boner, feeling juvenile and lightheaded, even a little giggly.

    "You okay?" Bucky asked, glaring up at Steve in concern - he'd been talking, but Steve seemed distracted suddenly.

    "Mhm," was all Steve could strain out from his throat.

    "What the hell, Steve? I'm about to show you one of my very favorite films and this is the reception I receive?" Tony barked, offended.

     "I've been telling you, that superserum is wearing off," Sam joked, something him and Tony loved to say when Steve acted out of character - like the times when Steve got caught smiling for no reason - or just whenever Steve annoyed Tony.

     "I- just- I'll be right back," Steve stammered, flustered, then he carefully walked out of the theater room and out of sight.

    It had been over a month since Steve had left and came back to you. In that period of time, he had been gloomy, neutral, then back to being light on his feet again, one after the other. And he hadn't viewed any of your content since then. A few times he tried to get himself off, but it was worth nothing. He could barely guide himself, and he didn't want anybody else to assist him the way you had, it was one of the things that made you so special.

So his attempts to satiate his pleasure came in the form of witless, rough jerks that didn't even get him anywhere near that point. And each time, he was back to thinking about you, but the thoughts could only get him so far.

    But now that you were friends again, Steve didn't let himself think of you in that way. Or, he tried not to. But this picture, for some reason, just reversed everything he was trying to avoid. He tried to understand his reaction in the short amount of time that he quickly walked to his room, trying and failing to ignore the stone hard bulge hanging in his loose grey joggers.

    Thinking, as straight as he could, he figured that his senses were overrun from thinking of how much he might like you and then having to see such a vivacious picture from you. It felt like a sign that it was time to finally fulfill the pleasure he'd been putting off. It was too much for him to handle- your beauty, the domesticity of the happy picture, in combination with his doting thoughts of you. And maybe he'd already been a little distracted to begin with, needing some form of release. It had been a very long time since he'd allowed that for himself.

     "Calm down, Steve," he muttered to himself, forcing a smile at Pepper, who was walking past him.

He finally got to his room and closed the door behind him, falling back onto his bed immediately. As he fiddled with the drawstrings on his sweatpants, he brought his phone up to make sure the image of you was still there. When he saw it still there on his screen, he sighed in dismay, thinking of what he was doing.

     He was almost embarrassed that you brought him to that point without even trying, arching his back off the bed to remove his sweats fully. He brushed it off and breathed out, eyes honing in on the image as he began to palm himself over his boxers. He groaned, feeling a sense of sweet relief already, just from his hands gently palming himself.

    He briefly thought back to the times when he had tried to get off by himself, tugging to no avail. This wouldn't be like those times. This would be gentle, and he already knew, by the burning feeling in his stomach, that it would bring him pleasure. He dipped his hand inside of his boxers, carefully guiding himself out. His hard length fell hard against his stomach and he grunted from his throat, his jaw ticking as he took himself in his hand and began to stroke slowly, breathing heavily through his nose like a routine.

    He was looking at the picture of you, but his mind began to wander to other things- flashbacks of you helping him get to that point through the screen, a sensation neither of you had experienced in quite a long time.

    "Fuck," he practically whimpered, the words spilling out of his throat so uncontrollably as he choked them out.

    He was missing those times dearly. As much as he was able to view you as a friend, nothing would compare to the way you made him feel. He didn't have you here to guide him at the moment, and for good reason - he didn't want you to, not now. You were trying to be friends for the time being, retain some sense of normalcy.

But, if you were there to guide him, he wouldn't complain. And even in this moment which was so unholy, he felt delicate, the light of the spring sunshine streaming through the window blinds and curtains, splayed across his room, painting the light blue walls with a sheen of pale yellow.

    At some point, he really wasn't even looking at the photo anymore, just focusing on the sensations and the visions of you that his mind made up. His eyes were closed, head to the side, his arm against his forehead. In his ears he heard your voice gasping out his name while you came, in his mind he pictured your slick pooling out of you as you finally removed your fingers, breathing heavily from an orgasm. Sure, you had been performing for him, but that didn't mean it wasn't truth. The sounds and images he imagined made him stroke himself quicker, pumping harder and faster than the slow, delicate strokes he'd started with. He tried to calm himself down, but the pleasure was unbeatable. He switched from those fast tempo strokes to the gentle strokes that felt so tantalizing. Your voice was fresh in his mind - but it wasn't all devilish. It came in your laughter, the sound of your voice as you sang along to a song on the radio and posted it on your story. Then it came with deep bass, the sound of you urging him to come, pleading him to come with you.

     The image of your eyes was prominent in his mind, coming in waves. Sometimes they came in strong, fierce tides as he pictured your eyes, staring into the computer screen while you wrapped your lips around a toy that you used to substitute for him, because he couldn't be there, but it felt so much like he was. Then sometimes they came in undulating, passionate waves as he pictured the crinkles that formed around your eyes when you smiled, the way you batted your lashes on screen.

   It was strange to have such fluctuating thoughts of you, ranging from filthy to innocent. Usually the thoughts when he was getting off were just filthy. This was new, and it seemed to pleasure him even more just to think of your smile, your innocent eyes. What was going on? He couldn't quite figure it out, nor did he care to in the moment. The thought of you, Moonrose, YN, and he came undone.

    He came groaning and panting heavily, weeks of unmet release painting his stomach and legs. His chest trembled as he took one last breath, took his hand off his eyes, and peeked out the window blinds at the dazzling, bright city just outside. He cleaned up silently, not thinking much because his mind was too excited to let him think.

And there were so many questions that lay unanswered: "why was he able to get himself to that point just by the thought of you?" "why had the thoughts been so strangely innocent and new?" And most of all, why did he even feel this way because of you?

    Then once he was all cleaned up, changing boxers in the bathroom, he took a good look at himself in the mirror, and the clarity hit. Firstly, he realized of course, he had to tell you. It wasn't like Steve to behave this way so suddenly and he felt like it was something he had to tell you. He hoped he wasn't being disrespectful, hoped what he had done wasn't weird. But he didn't let himself worry about that too much.

But not only did he have to tell you what he'd done, he realized he had to tell you how he felt. He had been wondering if it would get to the point that he would feel strongly enough about you that he had to tell you, and this incident seemed to be proof enough.

    All his sudden arousal, while valid and likely rooted in a need to get himself off, just meant one thing. He wasn't just frustrated sexually. His senses were running amok because he knew he liked you, and yet he wasn't expressing that fully. And maybe this release was what he needed to realize that. The feelings were only getting stronger and stronger with no real output. They made him happy, nearly giddy with excitement, but with nowhere to store it. He could have a crush and keep it that way, but Steve liked to find solutions. If he wasn't serious about you, maybe he'd keep it that way, with no outputs and no solutions.

     He was keeping something to himself, and it wasn't fair to him, nor was it fair to you. He felt so unhinged now because he wasn't realizing that yes, there would be a point when he had to tell you how he he felt. All of that frustration was built up tension physically and emotionally, just boiling inside of him.

All of the excitement, confusion, and intrigue he felt towards the prospect of maybe liking you romantically, of taking that step to a real relationship, had boiled over. He wasn't realizing that he had to tell you sooner than later. This was more than just a release. It was more like an epiphany.    

    And while the realization may have been sudden, he had done his thinking long and hard, even before he started talking to you like this. He could wait and milk over it for a little while longer, or he could tell you, and soon. But even though he knew he had to tell you, he had to choose the right moment. At least now he knew he had to tell you at all, instead of spending too much time wondering whether he even should, wondering if what he was feeling was real.

     Maybe it would be different if he got off to you and it was purely sexual. But this was more than that. He was genuinely overwhelmed by your beauty, inside and out. The thought of that was what brought him to orgasm. All those lighthearted, innocent thoughts of you made Steve feel so strongly, in both a physical and emotional sense.

     It was why he'd had an emotional response to the picture first, then a physical response. He thought of all the times he'd looked at pictures you sent with a smile, and felt genuine happiness bubbling up inside of him. No one else did that to him.

      If what had just happened said anything, it said that his feelings for you were real, they weren't just born out of naivety or because of the fact that Steve had never felt something like this before. It wasn't just about the sexual gratification or the physical, it was about why he felt so strongly towards you at all. If he could stir up these kinds of emotions, this kind of confusion, just by thinking about you, just by looking at you? He'd be surprised if it was all for naught.

✺ ✺ ✺

    You were surprised when Steve asked to FaceTime you that weekend. You were clueless about the events and feelings that had spiraled for Steve since you sent that picture, and thus curious to see what he was going to talk to you about. It had been a little over two weeks since you'd started talking to Steve ever since he showed you who he was, and you were so comfortable with each other already.

    Steve gave himself some time before he decided it was time to tell you. He knew he had to, but he was giving himself time to think it out, to decide whether or not this was really of the importance that he was holding it to, to decide, and really decide, if it would just be getting in the way of a good thing. But after much contemplation, he knew it wasn't a waste, especially because he didn't feel sick when he thought about it - aside from the butterflies.

    You on the other hand, were clueless. But you were excited. He was so formal and so busy that he scheduled a call. He also kept your schedule in mind. You had just finished finals and you were about to close up with school, a fact which you kept forgetting and surprising yourself with when you remembered. So, mindful of that and mindful of his own schedule, Steve made sure the time would be good for the both of you.

     And when the time came, you were excited. You hadn't heard Steve's voice conversationally in a long time, because texts and Snapchat weren't really built for that. And whatever it was he wanted to talk about, you were excited to hear, and you were glad that he was the one initiating these things all the time.

It made you feel like he really put effort into the friendship you were building, curating slowly like a sacred collection in a language only the two of you knew. You felt so close to him in such a short amount of time, but it made sense because you had known him for a long time - but you were only just now getting to know him.

    You got all cute for the call, because why wouldn't you? You were attracted to Steve and you couldn't lie and say that you didn't feel all girly at the thought of getting even closer to him, being more than friends. Like a little crush was budding, but it was playful and innocent. You felt like he was such a good example of the perfect man, and you were so glad to call yourself your friend. In Steve's eyes, it wouldn't take much effort for you to look pretty anyway, but you got all dolled up because you wanted to.

You were wearing a simple white dress that you made, and you put on just a pinch of makeup. You were sitting on top of your kitchen counter by the window, sunlight and a nice breeze trickling through your apartment when the call came in. It felt surreal to see his name on the screen each time, no matter how used to him you became.

    "Steve!" you exclaimed as soon as you picked up the call.

Finally you could see him face to face through the screen again. It reminded you of your times together on Girls on Film, but the circumstances were much, much different.

    Steve, once again, was struck with your beauty, and he felt his knees go weak just at the sound of your voice. This was no mistake.

     "Hey," he grinned, genuinely from ear to ear.

You both wanted to bask in the moment, talking to each other live, after quite some time. Steve wasn't showing it now, but he was nervous. Again that just told him he was making the right decision in telling you this. He was getting worked up over what to say to you, and you seemed so calm and control. Unbeknownst to him, you were also a little jittery, all for good reasons. It was just so exciting and nerve wracking to truly see him and hear his voice again, to truly talk to him.

       "You look so beautiful," he complimented you, his voice going a bit deeper, his eyes glistening as he took you in. You were basking in the sun, the sun's rays seemed to want to be around you, you drew them towards you.

     You blushed and smiled,

     "Thank you! You look really nice too."

      You giggled, becoming bashful as he smiled gently, and he continued,

     "How have you been? Finals over yet?"

    "Yeah, I just finished. It's weird, there's really not much else to do. We have one more week of classes to kind of just wrap everything up, but it's pretty much done," saying it out loud made you think of it again, gave you that weird feeling that everything really was about to be over. You would graduate in a few weeks, and start your life.

    It was crazy, four years had gone by so fast, but they had been so lovely. Your college experience was the most formative part of your life. You'd moved on from your life at home, gotten out of an abusive relationship, met your closest friends and gotten even closer to your best friend, started a brand, got your own apartment. started camming. You had really found your life. And you found Steve. It was crazy to think of, that in just a few weeks, that experience would be over with.

     "You okay?" Steve chuckled, because he noticed the deep sigh that you let out as you thought about it all. You were of course glad to move on with your life, but it made you think.

     You laughed too, shaking your head,

    "Yeah, sorry."

    "Don't be. What's on your mind?" he asked, leaning into the camera, making you feel like he was there with you.

    You grinned, glad that you could talk about this in such a way, without feeling the need to break down or be upset. You were simply moving on to the next stage in your life, and you couldn't be more excited.

      "I guess I'm just thinking of how crazy it is that I'm finally going to be finished with college. Like, I'm not going to any more school after this. When you've been in school your whole life, it's..."

      "I get it. It's like coming to something you're not used to, but it's just normalcy."

     "Yeah," you shrugged. "You know that better than anyone else, I bet."

   Steve laughed - it was true. He had to get used to things that everyone else found normal. He felt so out of place. These days he was getting used to it all, but certain things still surprised him or made him think he didn't completely fit in. It was part of the reason he hadn't given in to what he wanted with you, not completely, at least.

Because if he didn't fit in to the world around him, he figured he wasn't ready for a relationship. But maybe that was just what he needed to fit in better, to get along better. It wasn't fair to him to resist something he truly wanted because he felt like he didn't fit in. It was silly.

    "It comes and goes. But hey, I'm glad we're talking."

     "Yeah, me too," you smiled, and you bit down gently on your lip, furrowing your brows together out of curiosity. "Hey, you said you wanted to talk about something?"

     You watched as Steve seemed to brace himself, but you couldn't even begin to imagine the amount of thoughts swarming his mind right now. He was nervous for good reason. He had never expressed romantic feelings for someone before, which was also a reason that he took so long to give in, took so long to realize it was time to express those feelings. He felt innocent and small, almost timid. He had spent so long formulating his thoughts and what he would tell you, exactly how he would announce these feelings for you.

    "Yeah, I uh..." Steve folded his hands and just let himself try to focus and calm himself down. It worked, and he relaxed, enough to actually speak at least. "Listen, I've been thinking about this since we started talking. I think maybe I've always known it, but I'm only just realizing I should tell you about it."

"Yeah?" you prodded him, getting a little nervous yourself, only because the last time Steve got into a speech like this, you found out that he was Captain America. You wondered what else he could possibly have up his sleeve.

"Well, I should tell you that I've always resisted when it comes to you... to this. And I want you to know why. I think I just haven't felt this way for someone in a very long time, and it's never been like this. And I was afraid because we didn't know each other and being the person that I am, I just felt like I wasn't allowed to feel the way I was feeling. Like I shouldn't, like it might be dangerous or like I couldn't trust you fully. It's why I left. It's why I took so long to realize this."

     Your cheeks were heating up the more he spoke, your mind buzzing with ideas. You wondered exactly what he was getting to, but for some reason the butterflies in your stomach grew stronger. You started to stammer, wanting him to get to the point,

    "Steve, I-"

    "I'm getting there, just..." he took in a deep breath. It was time to finally say it. He was trying to explain himself, but started stumbling on his words. "It's um... it's hard for me to say things like this. I-I guess I never really have. I just- I... I... sorry, I'm—"

       Steve pinched his eyes with his fingers, shaking his head. It was endearing how it was hard for him to spit the words out- Captain America, stumbling over his words while he spoke to you.

    "Take your time," you giggled a bit, and the calm of your voice brought Steve back down to earth.

     "Gee, I guess I'm not that great with words. What I'm trying to say is — I like you. And I don't just like you, I mean, I have feelings for you. And I know we're trying to be friends and I'm happy with that, being your friend has been an honor to me. We've created a connection that is completely new to me— I've never known somebody the way I know you. But, I think... I think there's more there. I think that we both know that there could be more there. I don't know what that looks like, or if telling you will really change anything, considering our situation. But I see you as more than a friend. And it's about time I told you."

    Steve looked up, catching your reaction just in time. And to his relief, he felt confident in his confession. He didn't regret it, there was no reason to hide away, to cloak himself in fear. Yeah. It was about time he told you.

[womansharry]

SHE

Chapter 4 - Lit The Fire

catch up here! 1, 2, and 3 :)

Juliet pushed opened the heavy door to the Palmer and Associates office building. It looked similar to almost every other office building she had ever been inside. This particular office was home to Miller and Brayden, the company that would hopefully be backing her brand financially.

She breathed a contented sigh as she took the elevator to the 76th floor. She had felt different since her trip to Rome. Maybe it was a new found confidence. Maybe that, coupled with the fact that Harry had been texting her since she got back to New York. She felt like a teenager that was love struck. Every time his name popped up on her phone she got butterflies. And her heart overflowed when she would talk on the phone with him. His voice was always warm and filled with kindness.

He was now back in London. The time difference between New York and London was a bit more bearable than the one between New York and Italy. But, she wished that he was closer. She just wanted to see him in person again.

"Hi, can I help you?" A perky girl that wasn't much younger than Juliet sat behind a large Mac computer typing away at the reception desk of Miller and Brayden.

"Yeah, I'm Juliet Oliver. I have a meeting with Josh and Collin." The young girl typed quickly on the keyboard before responding.

"Oh yes. I see that right here. Why don't you have a seat. I'll let them know that you're here."

Juliet sat down in one of the plush chairs beside the reception area. She took her phone out of her bag. It was 9:30 in New York, meaning that it was 2:30 in London. She had a text from Harry. She quickly opened it.

I'm going into the studio for a bit. I won't have my phone much. Can I call you later? Miss your voice x

She couldn't help but smile as she typed out a response.

Sounds like fun. Of course, I'm getting ready to go into one of my meetings for the week. Hopefully, this is gonna get the ball rolling with the clothing line.

"Miss Oliver, they're ready for you in the conference room. I'll take you there."

Juliet stood from her spot and followed the girl down a dimily lit hallway. She opened a door and Juliet stepped into the conference room. She was meeting with these particular investors for the second time. She had already pitched her ideas to them. This was the follow up where they gave her their answer.

Josh and Collin stood up and shook her hand.

"Thanks so much for coming back in Juliet." Juliet nodded, as if she had a choice in the matter. She sat back in the chair across from the two men.

"Juliet, we're sorry to tell you this, but it's just not feasible for us to back your line." Juliet stared blankly at the two men. What the hell?

"Okay, can I ask why?" She heard herself say, she didn't exactly know how it came out.

"We just don't feel like it pushes boundaries. And on the other hand, we don't feel like it's going to be a smart direction for us." Josh tried to reason with her.

"You think it'll go under as soon as it starts don't you?" She didn't mean to snap, but at this point she didn't care.

"It isn't that. We're both really sorry that it isn't going to work out." Collin said as he stood.

I'm sure you're sorry. She thought to herself. "Thank you guys for your time." She walked out the door and didn't stop until she was on the street in front of the building. Her mind was running a hundred miles a minute. She had put so much work in this brand, she had sat in all the meetings thus far, she had built an entire brand herself. She'd be damned if she'd let these two men get in her way. She needed to call Sierra, her best friend and assistant on this project. But Sierra took a backseat to Harry. She knew he may not answer her call, but it was worth a try.

The line rang a few times before she heard him. "Jules? Y'okay?" She moved from the middle of the crowded sidewalk. She leaned against the gray concrete of the building, relief flooding her body as soon as the words were out of his mouth. She hadn't expected him to answer the phone.

"Hey. Um, not really, no. I just left the meeting with the potential investors. They said no." It had stung to say it out loud. Of course she knew that rejection was eminent and it came with the territory. She just hadn't expected it after the initial meeting with Josh and Collin.

"Oh, did they say why?" She heard a door shut on the other end.

"They said it didn't push boundaries and it wasn't a smart invest. Is it because I'm a woman, Harry?" The last part came out more like a whisper.

"No no no. These two blokes jus' sound like dickheads."

"It's because I'm a woman. And men like that can't stand to see women in power. They don't want to even entertain the thought of a women calling the shots." She continued, disregarding Harry's comment.

"Jules, ya been showing me ya mockups, ya brand kit, and 's bloody brilliant. These idiots obviously don't know what their talking about." He tried to reassure her.

"It's just so frustrating, Harry. I've been working on this stuff for so long. And I swear the initial meeting went so well. But now, I'm back to the drawing board. If I don't get money, I don't get to move on to the next step."

There was a beat of silence. "Anyway, I'm sorry I called you. I know you're at the studio and I shouldn't be bothering you. You've probably got a deadline."

"Wanted to talk to ya. 'S not a big deal, okay. Listen, what if I invested in your brand?" Juliet laughed at his question. Harry stayed quiet on the other end.

"Oh, you're serious? Harry, I couldn't ask that of you."

"What if 's something I wanna do. I would be a private investor, no one would know. Ya can still call the shots." Juliet took a deep breath. She was overwhelmed with his thoughtfulness. But, she couldn't seriously ask him to do something this drastic.

"Harry, I don't know."

"Jules, I know what it's like to create things and wanna share them with other people. Has my path been a bit unconventional? 'f course, but I know what 's like to pursue something ya love. And I wanna help ya do the same. Will ya at least think about it? Please?"

"I appreciate it Harry. Of course I'll think about it." She could practically hear his grin through the phone.

"'f course. Wanna facetime later?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later, okay? Thank you."

"Ya welcome, love."

___

"There's Simon & West. Their head investor is Jackie West. It says here that Simon & West pride themselves on creating a diverse workplace. They created a firm where people are encouraged to be different and they celebrate that."

"How did I not find them before? I'm gonna call them." Sierra turned her computer screen towards Juliet and she quickly dialed the number.

"Simon and West, how may I direct your call?"

"Hi, this is Juliet Oliver. I would love to talk with someone about meeting with someone at your office."

"Thank you for your interest. Unforunatly, the earliest we can get you on the list, is November. Would you like to go ahead and put your name down?"

"Oh, um no thank you. Thanks for your time." She hung up and threw her phone on her couch. "They cant meet with me until November and it's June, what the hell?"

"Why don't you just take Harry up on his offer?" Juliet sat down at the kitchen island and looked over at her best friend.

"Because, I don't want to use him for his money. Besides, this is my project. I wanna be the one to do it." Sierra gave Juliet a kind smile.

"You can be so hard headed sometimes. It's okay to ask for help sometimes."

"I know, I know. I just want to try. His offer is still on the table." Juliet heard her phone go off in her living room and Sierra shut her laptop.

"I'm gonna go, I have a big day tomorrow. Lots and lots of photoshoots." Sierra collected her things and headed out the door. The two girls had been friends since they were in high school. Along with their other friend Kennedy. Sierra had been working for a  boutique in SoHo since she graduated from NYU. Now she was running their social media.

Juliet picked her phone up and saw a new text from Harry.

Facetime me?

She switched to the facetime app and clicked on his contact. It rang for a second before the call connected.

"'ey," he gave her a smile. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair was damp, like he had just taken a shower.

"Hey yourself. How was the studio?" She sat down on her couch.

"Good, we got some things done today. Did ya find another investor to meet with?"

"Well, not quite. I called another agency, one that would probably be great to work with. But, I couldn't meet with them until November? How crazy is that? God, it's the beginning of June. That's 5 whole months away."

"'m sorry that ya having a tough time finding someone. My offers still on the table." She smiled at him.

"I know, and I appreciate that."

____

It was a freak thing, really. How Juliet was able to meet with the investors at Lawson Financiers. She had talked with several people and Blake Lawson happened to be one of them. He had told her that he would love to meet with her, but couldn't meet until next week. However, he had called her the next day and asked if she could come in because he had a cancellation.

She walked into the office in Midtown with a newfound confidence. "Hi, I'm Juliet Oliver. I'm here to meet with Blake."

A blonde women stood from the reception desk. "Yes, right this way." Juliet pulled her phone out and texted harry quickly.

Going into my meeting, with me luck.

"Juliet, nice to see you." Blake shook her hand and motioned to one of the chairs in front of his desk. "So, I already looked through some of the things that you sent me. And I have to say, I'm impressed. I like what you've got. Tell me more."

"Well, first of all, thank you. So, I've been imagining this line in my head for years. And I finally sat down and brought it to life. I want to bring sustainable classic pieces to anyone who wants to dress chic. I know personally, I'm at an advantage when it comes to shopping. I have money and can buy what I want. I just want to bring quality clothing to others." He gave her a smile.

"I think it's a great concept. And I'm all in. I know typically it takes time for these decisions to be made. But I would like to invest in JO Collective."

Wow. She thought to her self.

"Don't worry, you don't have to make a decision right now. I would appreciate if you could let me know by Friday through. Will that work?"

"Yeah, of course. Thank you so much Blake. I'll let you know something ASAP." She shook his hand and left the office building. She pulled her phone out, Harry hadn't responded.

Juliet stopped for an iced latte on her way home. She had so many things running through her head. She was so glad that she had been able to meet with Blake. As she pushed her front door open she head the tv on. She swore she had turned it off when she left.

As she walked down the stairs she held her breath. When she reached the living room she saw him. Harry was sitting on her couch.

"What are you doing here?" She asked. Her heart was racing. He gave her one of his signature grins.

"Well, 've been missing ya. And I knew ya been going through so much. So, I decided to come see ya. Hope 's okay." He looked down at the floor and blushed a little.

"Oh, c'mon. Don't get all shy on me. Of course, it's okay." She wrapped him in a hug. "I'm glad that you're here, I have good news. I have an investor that's interested in the line." Harry's face fell a little. It was just enough for Juliet to notice it.

"'S not me." He let out a breathe.

"No, it isn't."

"Just wanted to help ya is all."

"I know. You really wanted to invest in it, didn't you?" She moved her hand to his face and let her thumb stroke his cheek.

"Wouldn't have offered if I didn't," She knew he wasnt trying to be an ass. He was just being sincere.

"What if I counter the invester I have on board. What if it's a partnership between their firm and a private investor."

"Dont feel like ya have to please me."

"No, that actually would be nice for my sake. It'd be you and me against the investors at this firm." He looked at her, and it made her heart skip a beat.

"'M in." He said and pulled her in for a kiss. It was slow and passionate. It lit a fire inside Juliet. When they broke apart Harry leaned his forehead against Juliet's. "Think we make a good team." _____________________________________________________________________

[swinterr]

Valerie IV

Valerie has been gone for 3 days and her family and Anwar are worrying.

They think that Valerie run away for some reason. But the truth is that Valerie is just chilling on her beach house without a care in the world.

Anwar was woken up by Yolanda, her mom, knocking in his room door continuously.

“Anwar! Anwar!” Yolanda continues to yell behind the door

Anwar groans and use a pillow to cover his ears to avoid his mother’s voice intruding him in his deep slumber.

“Anwar! Valerie is missing! Get the fuck up!”

That’s the time when Anwar start calling everybody.

He called his sisters, then Bella and Gigi starts calling everybody who knows Valerie.

Anwar even called Shawn.

Shawn is sitting on the couch inside his tour bus, strumming his guitar. Beside him is Connor and Brian playing Xbox.

As Shawn changes the position of his fingers his phone rings off.

Incoming call: Hailey Baldwin

Huh? that’s weird, they never really talked after their pr. Why she calling me? Shawn though

“Uh hello? Is this Shawn Mendes?” her soft voice fills the air, but not as soft as Valerie’s.

Shawn holds his guitar on his lap as his other hand holds the phone.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Bella called, Bella Hadid oh and Gigi called. You know them right?” the connection is a little weak so shawn’s having a hard time understanding plus the guys are are basically screaming at each other right now.

“Uh yeah. Wait a second.” Shawn mumbled as he sets his guitar down the couch, he prepares himself to scream at the guys.

He covers the speaker and shout. “Dude! Shut the fuck up!”

“Are you okay?” Hailey laughs as she hears guys complaining in the background.

“Anyways Valerie’s missing. The girls asked me to ask you if you know where she is.”

Shawn can feel the guys looking at him, he felt his world stopped spinning.

Anyway Shawn started calling everyone he knew who has connections with Valerie.

Basically that day was so stressful that even Andrew had to call Valerie’s parents to asked what’s happening.

-

Meanwhile Valerie had the best three days of her life.

She literally made the best decision of buying the house, although it’s expensive as heck.

Her house has a rooftop, with an helicopter parking in it. All she has to buy now is the actual helicopter. All that she can say is that her house is a dream. A gym, a pool, a library, a game room, a cinema room. Everything, she even have her own bar where she store her alcoholic drinks she stole from her dad.

On the first day she just watched movies on her laptop, ate fruits, went to the gym did some yoga. And on the afternoon she went sunbathing on the rooftop, she drove a boat and went fishing— in which she ate what she caught for dinner.

The second day is a chill day, she went to the gym at the morning and yoga at night. She spent almost her day sitting in the massage chair she brought. That’s all.

The third day— her last day she went jogging on the highway which is still her property, she thought that she the road is a little bit dark and sad. So she thought the next day when she will come back to Bel Air she will order bunch of lamp post, trees— specifically palm trees and other plants also, she will hire people to take care of her house at the same time will plant and will take care of her trees and plants.

Valerie now is packing her things, just her bag. She already did her laundry and decided to leave her clothes there in case if she come backs or something.

Valerie loaded her things on her car and zoomed off.

Before she goes she checked if she locked all the doors and the gates.

The car ride is interesting, she saw some paps on her way to Bel Air. Hoping that can glimpse at her and their family mansion which they kept private.

-

Its been a week since Valerie returned home from her mini vacation in Malibu.

Valerie and her dad hade some “serious talk” about what’s happening with her these past few days.

Eventually her dad, Virgo, figured out that her daughter and Shawn broke up.

Plus he said that ever since that dinner back in Toronto Valerie has been acting off and mostly sad. Virgo is worried about his angel’s mental health he says he missed the old Valerie, thus he ask Valerie to seek the help of a therapist which Valerie agreed too.

Her dad’s friend, Léon, also her godfather died because of depression. Although her case isn’t that deep. Virgo wanted her to be safe, also for him mental health is more important than physical health.

Few weeks later Shawn is in Oakland. Valerie had literally 4 sessions every week and after every session she does photoshoot and video campaigns for different brands.

Those sessions really helped him in forgetting their shared memories slowly.

That went pretty well. Today Valerie is getting ready for the ribbon cutting in Los Angeles for their hotel.

“You know what Val, I think you should quit studying and become a model.” Kayla, her make up artist slash hairstylist said as she blend Valerie’s blush out.

Her makeup is simple, glowy and natural except for her lips. Her team insisted that she should do a dark redish purple lip.

“Yeah you literally look like a Victoria’s Secret model.” Adrian, her stylists agrees.

Valerie’s looking beautiful as ever.

Adrian is currently zipping up Valerie’s dress while Kayla is touching up Val’s make up.

Valerie is rockin a black strapless beaded gown from Naeem Khan and a black and a black platform sandals from Malone Souliers.

Valerie is basically a model now, so she gotta serve looks, she gotta look stunning in every angle.

They are in Bel Air, in Valerie’s parents house.

“I don’t know I mean I would do it but I love learning.” Valerie shrugs.

“And besides, I’m not confident enough for that.”

“Girls?” a knock on the door interrupt them

They all stop what they’re doing and looked at the door.

“The car is waiting.”

-

“I’m so glad you guys made it!” Vernon greeted Brian and Connor.

Connor and Brian walked inside the hotel, with the maids giving them juice because Connor is still underage. Connor eyes widen when he saw the interior of the Valentin’s newly opened hotel while Brian just smirked.

“Hi I’m Vernon, I’m Val’s older brother.” Vernon approach the two while carrying baby Laslo in his right toned arm.

“Vernon! I brought my friend here, his name is Connor.” Brian introduced Connor to Vernon.

Vernon and Brian knew each other. They met last year at Valerie’s Birthday.

“Ahhh Connor, Shawn Mendes’ videographer?” Vernon shook Connor’s hands, he knew Connor through Val, she mention that he studies in UCLA just like him but he graduated already.

Laslo squirmed in his dad arms and extending his arm towards Brian. Wanting to be carried by him so Brian carried him, Brian extended his arms and carried Laslo.

Connor and Brian bodies stiffen when he mention Shawn, as a friend of Shawn of course they are embarrassed by his action.

“Where’s the kid?” Connor didn’t knew what to do so he looked at Brian, Brian eyes widen, he didn’t know where even Shawn is.

“Uhhh I don’t really know, he’s working on s project.” Brian awkwardly laugh.

“He better be, I’m gon—” Brian and Connor are mentally thanking Milo for cutting of his dad for saying something.

“Hi! I’m Laslo, I got my tooth of yesterday. The tooth fairy gave my $50.” Laslo proudly shows his missing bottom tooth to Connor.

Connor is about to answer when Viviane walked towards them.

Connor knew Valerie has two sibling. Valerie is hella attractive but he didn’t knew that even her siblings are attractive too. They look like greek gods and goddesses.

“Vernon dad’s looking for you.” Viviane look stunning, she looked like a model. She approached the group and once again Laslo is squirming in Brian’s arms, he wants Viviane to carry him.

“Brian! Nice to see you again.” Viviane smiled and hug Brian.

“Hi I’m Viviane Valentin, Valerie older sister. Nice to meet you.” Viviane hugged Connor.

“Go to the 23rd floor, Valerie’s waiting for you there.”

Viviane and Vernon walked to their parent but Vernon stopped and looked at them and said. “Tell Shawn he better be careful. Valerie is to precious to be cheated on.”

Connor eyes is practically shaking. Valerie and Viviane share the same personality with their Mom, except Valerie is more softer and Vernon and His Dad share the same personality except Vernon is more harsh and tougher like but he look soft.

“I’m literally dying when Val brother asked Shawn.” Chugged his juice down, his throat feels dry after their encounter with the Valentin’s.

The two are finally alone and can finally talk openly.

“I know! My armpits are sweating” Brian fanned his armpits.

“Dude, Valerie’s sibling are attractive! Have you seen her sister, her sister’s hot. Also I never knew Val was this rich!” Connor runs his finger through his hair.

“The first time I met her was when she was staying at her aunt’s house because I thought they don’t have no house but they are renovating their fucking mansion!” Valerie stayed at her aunt Veronica when their mansion is renovated, that’s when she met Shawn, Aunt Veronica’s house is directly to the Mendes’ Household and Brian’s house is just around the block.

“Dude Harvard is fee is around like $44,000 she rich rich!”

While the two are on their way to their designated floor they kept on talking about Val’s family wealth. Brian mostly keeps on talking to be honest because he known Val for years. He told Connor about them having private jets, mansion and other stuff that mostly billionaires can afford.

When Connor and Brian entered Valerie’s room they saw her crying on the bed with her laptop on.

“Valerie I miss youu but why are you crying?” the two lads run up to Valerie’s bed and hug her.

“I just got a modeling gig!” Valerie cried, Valerie has always been the sensitive type. When she’s hurt or happy she always cried. Shawn always calls her cry baby when they were younger until now.

“Really? That’s good but why do you need to cry?” Connor is confused.

Valerie models when it’s summer. She rarely do gigs when uni is starting.

“Yeah you should be proud!” Brian added.

“I know but it’s too much, I don’t think I can do it.”

“What brands are they anyway.”

“Um, Gucci, Burberry, YSL and Maybelline, Adidas, Calvin Klein, Moschino, Stuart Weitzman and also oh my god Chanel contacted me!”

“What!! 9 brands that’s crazy!” Connor started jumping and so does Brian.

-

Taglist:

@night-girls-world

@alinashawn

@feliciaceciliamariajacobsson

@clarissahunter

heyy i haven’t updated for a while hehehe. you guys still read this? if you do i love you, a lot has happened this past few months hehe

[shoyoboops]

KIM TAEHYUNG’S NOT SO STRAIGHT TENDENCIES (a.k.a his gayest moments) PART 1

(I cannot provide media proof since that’ll take a lot of time, but if you observe Kim Taehyung, you’ll get what I’m saying. Also, my native tongue is not english so I’m gonna have to ask you to excuse my shortcomings lol)

Before anything, I’d like to say that I acknowledge that Kim Taehyung is definitely a beautifully unique person who has shown time and time again how a person can have so many different sides. I am aware that he is the embodiment of affection and appreciates physical contact BUT SOME THINGS BEYOND THIS ARE JUST HARD TO IGNORE.

1.      Muscle Kink

-This may be something the less observable fans may have overlooked. There have been several instances when our dear Taehyung had been a little bit too enthusiastic about feeling up other men’s biceps and abs. I have seen him many times, feeling up the other members, particularly Hoseok (in one of the latest Bon Voyage episodes), Seokjin (during their earlier days), Jimin (occasionally, I distinctly remember him feeling up Jimin’s abs) and Jungkook (on several different times, he even bit his biceps for fuck’s sake). Even Namjoon from time to time. And I’m certain that he had not only felt them up casually, if his lip bites were anything to go by. (BONUS: His whole reaction to that one shirtless crew member during one of the episodes in Bon Voyage S2?! He was definitely checking him out, look at the video I posted if you wanna know what I’m talking about)

-We all know he also has an affinity to being carried. I have never seen him show any negative reaction when being manhandled by his members. I expect that we all know his legendary moments when he purposely climbed onto other members’ backs for a piggy back ride or randomly clings onto them like a koala. I have seen videos from 2014 til today that can prove this. I remember that Seokjin tended to play around with him and carried him bridal style during their fansigns earlier back then. Also, he seemed very happy when Nate picked him up when they were saying goodbye during AHL. I’ve also seen him demand piggy back rides from Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook. Sure, he may have complained during a particular BTS Festa back then about Jungkook throwing him whenever he annoyed the maknae, but seriously? Why would he even bother Jungkook again and again if he knew the outcome was him being thrown around their dorm? The maknae even said that he’d repeat annoying him for about thirty times? Something doesn’t seem right there. (Also, while “complaining” I didn’t really see him be seriously troubled by it? I don’t know if it’s just me).

-Did you also see how he held back his smile and tried to hide his excitement when he got a piggy back ride from one of is Hwarang members during a photoshoot? Our Gucci boy literally had sparkles in his eyes. (Also in Hwarang, when Hyunsik just did the ‘dip’ with him? Y’know that that step in salsa. During one of their photoshoots/interviews, when his hyung finally finished his shoot, he went and bulldozed Tae off his feet. I didn’t see him complaining though, he even had a huge smile).

-When Seokjin got pissed at them (him and Jimin) during ISAC 2017 and he carried Taehyung towards where he threw his shoes, our little Taetae was giggly the whole time and was completely flustered when it ended. (Also with Seokjin, when they were promoting the Wings album, he suddenly clung onto him and let himself be carried just like old times).

-The legendary Taekook moment during their concert in Japan. I forgot where it was (Nagoya?). It was around 2016, if i’m not mistaken, when he got on Jungkook’s back during their “Attack  on Bangtan” performance. He clung to him like a life line and he was truly enjoying himself. (Bonus: when he also asked for a shoulder ride).

-Let’s not forget the instances when he just praised other members’ bodies. Like, saying “Rapmon-hyung has the best body” and “Jungkook has a nice body”. I’m sure there are a lot more, but I can’t remember.

2.      Girls

-Before anything else, I’m not ruling out any possibility of him being interested in the opposite gender (because girls are fucking hot, trust me), but he has not shown any genuine interest in them? I know that some of the fans would mention the Star King thing? The one where this girl was teaching them exercises. I honestly get annoyed when they make inappropriate jokes about this because there was nothing really sexual about it at all? I mean, yeah, he glanced from time to time but wouldn’t it be awkward and disrespectful to not look at an instructor? (Others may say “but what about his facial expression?” Bitch, what facial expression? All I saw was him trying to do the exercise and being in slight pain while doing so because he doesn’t exercise regularly for shit). You can also see that he was seriously trying to get the position right so he observed well (he even did that cute little wall exercise for couples with the other male mc).

-I also notice that in award shows, he doesn’t look particularly enthusiastic about girl group performances. Sure, he dances along to the catchy ones but unlike other people, he doesn’t really give that much attention to it? (I understand that it is disrespectful for them to stare, but I don’t think he feels the urge to do so, he can give sneaky glances but I don’t see him doing that. Just pure enjoyment and appreciation of music).

-During YamanTV (?) I’m not sure if the title is correct. One male MC suddenly felt the need to voice out his opinion about Taehyung’s looks. Out of the blue, he praised Taehyung for being very handsome (which made him shy), and then added “you must be very popular with girls” which stopped him momentarily from talking (he laughed at the comment), but then just continued talking like nothing happened.

-His general non-chalance about how girls could perceive his actions. There are a loooooooooooooot of instances like this. When he was MC-ing with this other female idol, and he just acted naturally goofy the whole time; when he added sound effects to his comments when BTS and Twice were being interviewed about their songs (he got shy at first like how most people would react but he got over it instantly and went to do aegyo while imitating the girl group’s song); when he literally twerked over the speaker during New Year(?) while the other members of Red Velvet stared at him like he’s a madman during an award show; AND his shameless flirting with his members during award shows, while in the presence of female groups e.g. Taejin being playful at MAMA and TAEKOOK goofing off during Golden Disk Awards while girl group members were literally behind them).

 3.      Spontaneous moments

-I think he is generally a spontaneous person and gaddamit, he does some pretty questionable things when his bout of craziness comes around:

-When he kissed Jungkook’s ears during one of the Festas, I literally just stared for a few seconds because WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? (That’s how not you get voted as the favourite hyung).

-Seokjin’s graduation where he swiped some cake from Jin’s lips with his thumb and literally sucked it, then smirking immediately after. (JESUS CHRIST)    

-In their earlier days when he grabbed the back of Seokjin’s head and pulled him in until they were nose to nose (in an AIRPORT WTF).

-Randomly acknowledging another man’s attractiveness. He would praise Hoseok from time to time, saying he’s the most handsome; suddenly saying that Jungkook is sexy during bon voyage season 1 AND (this one took me by surprise) When they were in one interview with the Hwarang cast and they were watching some memorable scenes, Tae said “You’re so handsome” out of the blue when he saw Hyungsik’s character THEN he proceeded to be flustered and looked like he didn’t have the intention to say it out loud like that. He said it with a somewhat exasperated tone that fangirls have when they come to admire their male crushes. He was so shocked that he voiced it out and became silent afterwards.

-Playing with male idols’ ears. This has somewhat become an endearing move when it comes to Taekook since he does it to the maknae all the time, BUT we should also take note that he does it to male idols who catch his interest (?) Bogum and Sungjae eventually became his friends, right? AND SPEAKING OF BOGUM. No, I’m not gonna talk about their Jeju date since straight men can also have “platonic dates”. Admittedly, it was very cute though. I am, however, gonna point out about Tae’s fixation on him. I have seen Tae interact with several idols and, for me, none of them had caught Tae’s interest as much as Bogum did. When he first saw him MC-ing during an award show, he immediately played with his ears and sent several glances in his direction the whole time. (Not to mention he barely even looked at Irene, who was also MC-ing with Bogum even though she was the one talking). It was also said that he approached Bogum first backstage and asked for his contact. Then when he was asked during celebrity bromance, he said that he contacted Bogum every day. Also, out of all his friends idol friends outside Bangtan, he only ever bothered to set up pre-planned dates with Bogum. You know what? I’ll talk about the Jeju thing anyway. Why would he choose to spend the day immediately after a tiring concert, to immediately fly to Jeju with him during one of their rare rest days? (I’m not implying that they’re dating, what I’m saying is that there is definitely an attraction that comes with that much effort, BONUS: have you heard of the Korean reddit user who said Bogum bought him a drink when he was in PULSE (a gay bar) and stated that Bogum had a super famous person with him that night and they left together?). Having said that, he may find comfort in hanging out with people who…share his sentiments.  

-Finally, the randomest shit he’s ever done this month. Sit on Jeon Jeongguk’s lap. Come on, you’re lying of you say that that didn’t surprise you at least a little bit. (BONUS they were both so GENUINELY flustered when it happened, it kinda looked like it felt awkward for the other members).

NOTE: This is part 1 and I basically put all the light stuff here. The heavy stuff is for the part 2. So, I’m sorry if you think this was a waste of time, but I think part 2 is where the serious stuff is at. I’ll be mentioning there his relationship with members, some BigHit stuff (Stigma and the like) and a little about his background

AGAIN: I AM NOT STATING THAT HE IS GAY. He may be perfectly straight and is actually just a very VERY touchy person BUT please respect my opinion and I will respect yours. I WILL LOVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT HE IS AND NO MATTER WHO HE LOVES SOOOO…UNTIL THEN :)

[krsyarchive]

Evidence, you

"The final, crucial piece of evidence...you."

-

Reasons to fall:

1. Darkness

" Im.."

"What is it? "

" Kinda thinking about change this 'broken white' wall's colour-"

"That's good.."

" I'm gonna paint this wall with black-"

" Wait, what? Don't be ridiculous no one will come here at night because of the dark.."

" Well, haha.. Are you afraid with the darkness?"

" Not really.."

" Liar~"

" I'm not. But may I just ask why are you really love those dark colors?"

" Then I'll just ask you back before I answer that. What do you think about 'black'? Let's forget about navy or grey because everyone usually like that."

" People usually think that they describe the darkness, or maybe sadness(?)"

" Right, that was people thought. But, I don't think the same. It's a serenity for me."

" I see.. So that was your reason, huh?"

" Yes. So if I change this room colour will you-"

" No."

" Ok nevermind forget that I'm just kidding"

2. Photography

" Why is this so confusing..."

" What's wrong?"

" I'm getting confused with this camera, why is this so hard to change the settings I don't get it."

" Which part?"

" The results make you looks brighter-"

" Are you trying to say that I'm too 'dark'?"

" Yes hehe ok no I'm kidding but you look so pale here"

" Let me see that and stop make me curious- wow yeah I'm too pale".

" How to change that? There are too many buttons I'm confused."

" Come here I'll show you. There's nothing wrong with the exposure, you just have to change the ISO. Here's the button.. So I'll let you try it, here..."

" You're right.. Thanks"

" I learned about camera when I was in the high school. I often borrowed my friends' camera, and then asked how to set them.."

" Hmm.. Ok got it."

" You said you want to be a photographer. Then you should have to learn a lot about how to set camera. Don't give up! I'll help you later."

3. Nyctophilia

" Here let me take a picture of you."

" Don't, I'm not im the mood, really.. Why don't you take a pict of Isola instead?"

" Hmm you know? I often went here at 10pm.."

" Going here? At night? Wow, I'm surprised that you didn't afraid.."

" I told you earlier I'm not afraid of darkness.. Why should I? Besides, I really enjoyed the night view of Isola.. It's so beautiful.. You should try it sometimes."

" I will, and what were you doin'?"

" Not much. Just read my books & drank a cup of coffee, and layin' outhere to see the sky.."

" I see.. Anyway, thank you for you recommendation.. I'll try it maybe if I have a chance.."

" Anytime, I'll promise you won't regret it".

4. Casing

" Im, I wanna ask you something".

" Go on.. What was that?"

" Have you bought something online?"

" I have, and why is that?"

" Um, how to?"

" ....buy something online?"

" Y-yeah.."

" Do you want something?"

" I want to buy a phone case like yours."

" Hm? Like mine? Oh....black, isn't it?"

" Hehe..."

" Do you think I want to have a same phone case with you?"

" Hm, no?"

" Exactly."

" Ok nevermind but please help me find another black phone case, will youuuu?"

" Why me?"

" Psssh I don't know how to buy something from an online shop and I don't know how Sh*pee works. Besides, I heard it's more cheaper if we bought it online. Can you show me?"

" Are you sure you didn't know about that?"

" I am... Please help me."

" Fine.. What's your phone type?"

" Xiaomi, Redmi Note 5A.. Ah yes, without fingerprint."

" Ok what about this?"

" No.."

" this one?"

" Hm no?"

" This one?"

" Too expensive please can you find another cheaper case? I trust you a lot."

" I am. Just wait till you saw this..... How about this one?"

" Oh sure.. I like this one."

" Okay.. I will bought a clear case too, so we can share the shipping fee together."

" Agree."

" Do you want me to use your address? Or mine?"

" Mine was fine."

" Ok.."

" So how long the shipment is?"

" About 3-4 days...usually."

" 3-4 days? Ok fine."

Day 1

" Im, why is the packages isn't arrived yet?

" I said it takes time around 3-4 days, and this is the first day so be patient."

" Ok."

Day 2

" Im, why is the packages isn't arrived yet?"

" This is the 2nd day and still on it way, calm down."

" Ok."

Day 3

" Im, why is the packages isn't arrived yet? This is the 3rd day, you say it."

" Nah, maybe tomorrow."

" Ah, I see. Ok"

Day 4

" Im, I want to talk with you after your division's briefing."

" Why? Is there anything you need?"

" Just finish it quickly-"

" If you asked me about your packages can you-"

" Hehe actually it was arrived last night."

" Oh, so how was it?"

" I like it very much! See?"

" That black phone case suits well with you."

" Yeah, and this is yours."

" Alright.. It's easy to buy something in online shop. But you have to check their shop review before buy something. Got it?"

" I will remember that."

5. Low contrast, High Exposure

" Im, can you please change the tone of your edit? It makes me more ugly-"

" Hehe finally you realized it."

" But it's too dark on me.. I took a bath before this photoshoot so please make it visible."

" With?"

" The brightness, Im........"

" Fine.."

" Listen, you just need to low its contrast and make the brightness higher. See? It looks like you use a 'soft filter' presets on this pic."

" Ah you're right. Isn't this edits technique looks like the 05 presets on VSCO?"

" I don't know... But I usually edit my pics like that."

" I see.. Thank you so much, Faw!"

6. Physics

" Why did you choose Physics, Faw?"

" Because I love it. And why did you choose Arabic?"

" It's my parents choice.."

" Oh, I thought you're the only one who choose your study."

" I let my parents choose too."

" Actually, I didn't want to be here. I really want to be a part of ITB. But, yeah-"

" Fate?"

" Yeah, something like that. But, I'm not going to regret it.."

" I see.. I feel the same. Actually, I have an interest to Chemistry, but yeah I'm not good at Physics and Math.."

" But, Chemistry is more difficult than physics"

" No, I think physics is more difficult."

" Ok what about biology?"

" I'm weak at memorizing something"

" Same here."

" Why are you so tall anyway?"

" I don't know either.. Maybe it's just my mom.."

" Your mom?"

" Maybe she eats bamboo when she's pregnant(?). Hehe I'm just kidding, because I don't know."

" Me either..."

7. K-POP

" Im, do you know this song?"

" iKON's Love Scenario?"

" True!!"

" DO YOU LIKE KPOP?"

" Hehe but I'm not a fans. I just love their song. Do you know about Super Junior?"

" Mr. Simple?"

" Yes, but my fav's Superman.."

" But, actually I'm STILL speechless because of this.."

" Hahahaha, you know? I have my old kpop song's folder. Oh, do you know this song?"

" It's SNSD's.. The boys, right?"

" How about this?"

" It's Big Bang's.. Monster."

" And this?"

" Wow, it's Trouble Maker's! Wait, DON'T TELL ME YOU SAW THEIR MV TOO PLEASE BE HONEST."

" HEHE BUT JUST ONCE I SWEAR!!"

" I DIDN'T TRUST YOU."

" Oh come on.. Hey, I have to show you something."

" What is it? WAIT, IS THAT YOU?"

" Y-yeah, the bald one."

" Did you just- did you join the dance club?"

" I- I did, in the past. When I was in the mid school."

" Seriously, you make speechless twice in a row."

" Surprised, aren't you?"

" Kinda.."

" Please just keep it secret I am shy."

" Anyway, you should hear BTS' songs. It's good, really.. You'll like it.."

" Ah I've heard about BTS before.. So maybe I'll download their song later.."

8. Patience

" Im, can I talk to you now?"

" Sure.."

" Where have you been? It's been a while since you didn't come to our secretariat. Why is that? Do you have any problems?"

Actually, I'm just dissapointed with all of them but-

" I'm alright.. There's no need to be worried."

" Are you sure?"

" I will talk about this later."

" Hm? Why didn't you just say it here?"

" It can't.. I have to tell you directly.."

" So can you just come-"

" No."

" Okay, let's meet again, later?"

" Yeah, okay..."

" See ya!"

9. Last scene, white rose

" Isn't today your graduation, Faw?"

" Um- yeah.. Will you come?"

" I will.. So when you'll be free?"

" Maybe after the ceremony.."

" I have to go to the Gymnasium or the-"

" Please just go to FPMIPA instead.."

" Okay, I'll call you later."

14.49 PM, FPMIPA

" Where are you?"

" In front of the building"

" Where?"

" Turn around!"

" Oh!"

" Happy graduation.."

" Thank you"

"......"

"......"

" So, you really graduated now."

" I am.. Why is that?"

" YAH WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME SO SOON?!"

" Hahaha, am I not be able to graduate?"

" It's not like that but, finally.. Baraakallahu fii Ilmi.."

" Thank you."

" Let's take a pic"

" Sure, but can you send it to me later?"

" I will!"

" Thank you, Im.. Please, forgive me. So sorry, I can't protect you from them earlier.. I'm sorry."

" Nevermind, just forget that problem. I should apologize too.. So sorry, I didn't contribute to you as much as I can do. I'm sorry too, I didn't do my best.. I didn't help you a lot.."

" It's okay.. Thank you for being my partner."

" I should say the same things to you.."

10. You, the crucial piece of evidence.

Bandung,

Starts from May 2017 till February 2019.