#anyway I'm getting annoyingly philosophical again so I'll shut up and go eat my potato fries byeeeeee
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neverendingford · 3 months ago
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#tag talk#OH OH OH hi I'm in my manic mood again that's why I'm feeling so great today#I'm making potato fries/wedges rn and the house smells so good.#getting chores done. watching the aoe2 titans league tournament in between tasks. feeling great#I don't like the bipolar depression part of the mood swing but damn if the mania doesn't feel incredible#I stopped taking my mood stabilizer meds a little bit before we moved. I tapered down the dose because stopping them cold sucked#and I know better now than to do that. but yeh. I never really liked how it dampened my high spirits.#sure it made the depression easier to manage but it killed my spirit a little bit and I don't want that.#also my independence hates being in any way tied down by medication. I tried them for about a year and just.. not what I want from life.#I don't even take the adhd meds I've got regularly. Just on occasion when I really need to get something difficult done#I'll start taking it again when I finally get around to doing smog test and vehicle registration and other dmv shit#but especially right now I don't need the extra motivation. I have the energy to drive myself.#also I think when I get a library card here I'm gonna finally read locked tomb /Gideon the ninth#it's been long enough the hype has died down and I can hopefully enjoy it on my own time#got a lot of things on my plate but I don't start work up again for a few weeks so I've got time and I feel pretty comfortable#I love feeling this way. the high makes everything feel worth it.#I say “feel” because I'm too nihilistic to make a claim about objective value and worth of human life. but when I'm happy it all feels worth#like. does anything really matter? not really. you don't matter. I don't matter. nothing Really matters.#except that I feel joy in my heart and love for the world around me and#and I refuse to discount that emotional truth just because it seemingly contradicts an intellectual truth#we are all of us allowed to contain multitudes#anyway I'm getting annoyingly philosophical again so I'll shut up and go eat my potato fries byeeeeee
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