#anyway! wow i got rly into the translation

[nightowlfury]

ᴏꜰ ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴄᴇɴᴇꜱ ‣ Episode 7: After Effect

▹ "Fortunately, nothing is broken, but his difficulty in moving could be due to a fractured shoulder bone. We're taking him for an x-ray – if the MRI shows no signs of cerebral edema or internal bleeding, he's all set to return home." - "Alright. Thank you so much. ... So? Was it worth it? Driven by love." ~ "I know. I'm injured. No need to add insult to injury." - "What do you expect me to do? Hold your hand and cry like a romantic movie? I know you're hurt. But I have to say it. ... Why did you do it? You're lucky you're the only one injured. If you hit someone and they died, you'd become a killer. ... Learn to love yourself." ~ "... Thanks so much for saving my life. Without you, I would've been left in the car to die." - "No problem. I'm your emergency staff anyway. I always have been since the first day we met. ... I'm sorry about the Mew thing. If I didn't want to take revenge on Top so much, and sent you the audio clip..." ~ "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. Nasty people like Top and Ton must be revealed some day. Don't worry so much."

[goldennika]

Initial Thoughts on TXT's Minisode 3: Tomorrow

Overall I think this album sounded the most sonically cohesive from their entire discography so far! I haven't read the articles about the album yet but it seems like they've deviated a bit from their usual approach of exploring different genres in a single album and kinda stuck to more of a band sound this time around?

Sure, they experiment with layers and singing styles but I’ve really felt (and liked!) the band influence across the different tracks!

The way the music builds in each track is delightful albeit seems a wee predictable. I am a sucker for a good guitar and bassline though so this album suited my tastes

Currently (and surprisingly) my favorite track upon first listen would probably be Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)! I honestly wished the remix ver would have been the title track instead 🥺

The original ver is probably more palatable for general population though and lends itself better to their type of choreography than the Anemoia remix would so I understand why the title track is so.

My favorite track off this album would likely change after I’ve read through the lyric translations and give the album a few more listens.

If I’m being honest, I think this album would be more of a slow burn type of in terms of how quickly it grows on me, compared to their earlier releases (particularly Temptation and Freefall).

I’ve genuinely enjoyed these tracks! But I can’t say that I loved the album and I think a factor in my tempered response to Minisode 3 is just how short they all are!! 😩

The entire (mini) album’s duration is just 17 minutes for 7 tracks!! It felt like just as I was getting into the groove and spirit of the track, it just… ends 🥲 IMO, these shorter track durations may end up hurting them in the long run as they sacrifice the listening experience for convenience of streaming 😔

That said, it makes Deja Vu an impressive feat that it has such a cinematic and immersive feel, and done in less than 3 minutes!

In any case, I will be listening to these tracks more and am looking forward to catch their performances throughout this comeback!

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading and i’d love to hear your thoughts too!

If you want to see my raw thoughts for each track, you can find them below the cut!

Track 1: I'll See You There Tomorrow

yes lower register TXT let's gooooo

sounds like a video game bg music? haha

ooh when the music built up it got funky

ugh love me a good bassline

this is kinda cute???

funkyyyyyyyyy

am digging the old school vibe to this

*head bops*

ok this is rly growing on me

the layers to the music is just 😩

IMAGINE HEARING THIS WITH A LIVE BAND I WOULD ASCEND

Track 2: --- -- --- .-. .-. --- .--  (Tomorrrow)

uhm yeah

so....

that's a morse code alright....

Track 3: Deja Vu

ok technically not a first listen since i've watched the MV already but here we go anyway!!

the high pitched warpy sound at the start -- i like it

this feels like R&B-ish?

their verses seem almost spoken than sung

different from how they usually are

the little music break after the first chorus, mhmm

that clarity was delicious

this song feels so... ambient? if that makes sense

like there's a distant thunderstorm almost?

and the sirens blaring??

THIS SONG SOUNDS LIKE AN ENTIRE MOVIE??????

and they did that with a 2:51 duration ??

Track 4: Miracle (A miracle happens at every moment that you and I are together)

really liking the piano

ooh the build up of the instrumentals

EYYYYYYYYY

leaked image of me listening to this track

oooh it got rock band-y

oh this would be AMAZING to hear live!!

ugh the harmonizing in the second verse/pre-chorus YES 😩

looooove the energy on this one

they are killing the instrumentals on this album

I CAN'T STOP HEADBOPPING

OH SHIT THE GUITAR IS HITTINNGGGGGGG

wow ok i loved that one

Track 5: The Killa (I Belong to You)

sexy start okayyyy

is this Spanish guitar?

the finger plucking(?) style 😩

OH WHAT THE FUCK

EXCUSE ME THE HARMONIZING???????????

DEADDDDDD

oh this range and style suits Soobin so well??

mhmmm the adlibssss

i swear those harmonies will be the death of me

the guitarrrrrrrrr 😩

Track 6: Quarter Life

istg the instrumentals are so good here

band txt is one of my fave genres

*head bops*

the build up is delicious

oh i'll bet kai enjoyed this one haha

LET'S GO BEOMGYUUUUUU

whoever thought of putting the maknaes together for this track is a genius

another great song to hear live

claiming this as Beomgyu's song bc wow

THAT WAS TOO SHORT WTF 😭

Track 7: Deja Vu (Anemoia Remix)

THE GUITAR!!!!!!

WHY CAN'T THIS HAVE BEEN THE ORIGINAL VERSION

PLEASE LET US HAVE BAND TXT AS THE MAIN CONCEPT NEXT TIME 😭

ugh i can't resist a good bassline

wtf i swear we were robbed that this is just a remix and not the original song 😭

THE ADLIBS!!!!!!!!!

SING IT TERRYYYYY

WTF THIS IS A ROBBERY FRRRRRR 😭

pls let this listing be an April Fools joke and this is actual the title track 🥹

[mostlymaudlin]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

thank you @decaflondonfog for the tag !! ill tag @sillyunicorn @starwarned @urban-sith @tea-brigade

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

98!! (woah) plus an unrevealed t&n fest fic, so 99. wow i need to do something rly crazy for 100 lol. what if i do a ridiculous crossover of all my fandoms and everyone in the fandom tags will hate me. 

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

544,914. (again. woagh)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

mostly all for the game and simon snow series, have dabbled in & posted even less for check please, captain america, and one direction! i feel like i’m missing something but regardless my fixations are hardcore, so all except like 4k of that posted wc is for either aftg or ss hahahha

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all are andreil! boyfriend privileges (4k, T) / Trigger (62k, E) / flashes of intimacy (10k, t) / Would you still love me if I was a worm? (6k, T) / Inside Thoughts (1k,T)

man this is long, rest is going under the cut lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

not very often, but i wish i did. i am stricken with a combination of being really awkward when people are nice to me & being bad at interacting with anyone in ways i fear could be perceived as ingenuine. im not sure if that makes sense LMAO. and sometimes when i put a story out, i kind of feel like i’ve said my piece — i’ve put so much into it that i don’t really know what else to say!

anyway, i always reply to questions, because that’s got clear social boundaries hahaha, and i DO love talking abt my stories!! and sometimes i’ll reply to comments that really get me thinking. but yeah, i know i reply less than i could, and i want to like double down on the fact that i am endlessly grateful for everyone who has ever left a comment on my work <3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have killed simon snow twice lmfao. i’d actually classify icarus as rather hopeful — it’s about grief & healing. but legacies is just fucked up lmfao

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh man, i write a lot of happy endings haha. i feel like even when my story is tonally darker (rare), it still has a happy or at least hopeful ending. this is probably not the correct answer, but i think sing of the moon has a really vividly happy ending. like — the sun rises for the first time in the whole fic! amazing. or maybe my high school au, We Can Live Forever, which is just the happiest thing i’ve ever written. 

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really, thankfully! people are smartasses sometimes but overall ive been lucky. there have been a couple of fics where ive winced before hitting post, but it usually ends up fine

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yessss. i guess i mostly write tender smut, bc i write tender things in general. i think my smut tends to be rather exploratory/playful as well? intentionally sloppy and awkward choreography hahaha

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

sort of LOL. once upon a time i was betaing @tea-brigade's medieval snowbaz au, Reliquary of an Arsonist, and there’s this part where three highway bandits mug simon and baz and then get blasted by simon’s chosen one magic. i am sick in the head so im in the google doc like “lol what if its kandreil.” and then i was like… what if it was kandreil….. and so i wrote Reliquary of a Bandit

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t think so

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! and i’m really thankful for everyone who has done so <3333 shoutout to russian aftg translators, yall go HARD

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i recently collaborated with @thewholelemon on our episode of Star Trek: Redemption, Heart-Shaped Box. by which i mean: i wrote the outline & a few scenes, got really overwhelmed, and jenny turned it into something worth reading! 

i also wrote Good Boy in the snowbaz stoner verse with @starwarned, which was rly fun — we sat in the google doc for like, 5 hours trading back and forth on POVs as we wrote pure porn together LOL. it’s funny to think about this, because lauren knows like everything abt me now but we did not know each other as well back then!!! and we were just like “yeah lets write porn together” hahahahha 

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

right now it is deeefinitely andreil… they are everything to me for reasons i just cannot possibly be brief about LOL so ill just leave it at that

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have a postcanon snowbaz time travel/time loop wip that i was going to try to write for COBB this year but i fucked up the deadlines then the brainrot was like “guess that means more andreil !”. i did SO MUCH research for it and i think it’s rather clever and smutty and fun bc they are yeeted back to watford era! but it’s also dealing with snowbaz, who are in their late 20s and are like in a relationship low point/actively fighting when they end up in the loop… so they are dealing with that tension at the same time as they are trying to get out of the loop. and also fucking around watford to fulfill fantasies HAHAHA

16. What are your writing strengths?

characterization is the thing i care most about! and i think that’s the draw of fanfic in particular to me — i love getting such a grasp on a character that i can translate them into endless situations while still making them feel true to self. i rarely let myself publish anything until i can read through the whole thing without any he would not fucking say that moments hahahha. this is of course pertaining to my own interpretations of the characters, which is the only thing i care abt lmfao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i rely a lot on body language because im always writing abt reticent fuckers who cant use their words. but i think i sometimes overcompensate, or describe actions that don't actually fit the scene. i've seen this described as "cheek-biting" -- like, throwing in action during a conversation just to delay the pacing/further the tone, but when you really look at it, it's not necessary. (cheek-biting being like, "character bites at their cheek" in the middle of a tense conversation)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i don’t really know any other languages! i think i’ve put a little bit of french in neil/kevin/baz POVs before, but my french knowledge is elementary at best. love the idea of it though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

one direction babyyyyyyyy !! i wrote quite a bit of it in like 2012-2015 but published very little. there’s 1 on my ao3, some lost somewhere on fanfiction.net (i dont rmr my username lol), and tons in my folders from my old laptop lol.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmmmm. im gonna cheat bc i cant pick a single favorite. i always say i think No Turning Back is some of my best writing from a craft standpoint, and it also includes my favorite type of conflict (andrew self-destructing lol). however, i reread both that fic & We Can Live Forever on a plane trip recently after not having touched either for 6+ months — and the solidness of We Can Live Forever actually surprised me, especially because i wrote the majority of that fic while i was stoned and also view it as just exceedingly silly. the world of it is just very rich, and also very very different from the typical character backstories, and i’m very proud of how much that reread played with my heartstrings.  

ok last one — there are several installments of my flashes of intimacy series that i come back to a lot, because i’m proud of what they each accomplish in 500 words. especially because i often turn to those when im trying to express my own emotions lol. specifically, my favorites are picking fights, i don’t mind, swimming lessons, and practicing gratitude.

that was such a bullshit and cocky way to answer this lmfaooooo. but tbh i am my own biggest fan and that is by design — i write stuff so that i can reread it months later and have it be perfectly catered to my tastes. i love all my fics <3

[d0ntw0rrybehappy]

journallllll 5/21

now that i’m moving out it’s gonna be harder to see my mom cause i’m further away and she’s gonna be sooo sad. i worry about my mom bc inside she is the world’s most lovable sweetest well-meaning person but she has less self-awareness/emotional control than most people so people judge her rly hard. i always want to be like guys just roll your eyes and let it go and let her know she is loved, she just has some weird kind of like, specific mom dementia/brain glitch, and deep down you KNOW this so lay off. there are so few people my mom lets in or will actually listen to. she was this kid runaway who built a life for herself in the art world copping designer clothes and flying to paree like a fucking pirate and then she had me instead of getting married and i’m one of the like MAYBE 3 people she actually likes. lol. nails & teeth metaphor “you’re the only one she’ll listen to” or “you’re the only one who can talk to her.” i miss her friend jaime who was an indubitably brilliant depressive semitic russian translator who never once judged my mom and they had this kind of relationship where they’d lie feet-to-head on a couch and just chat chat chat. she was my favorite of my mom’s friends. she died from cancer and self-neglect basically. bullshit. shauna’s friend alex reminded me of her the last night and i was like ugh i miss jaime. i wish my mom still had jaime!!! what am i gonna do? i have to have my own life but i have to protect my mom. stupid WASPs be like “you can’t take on your moms problems” shut the fuck up WASP you don’t know shit. other kids be rolling their moms around in wheel chairs and don’t complain you piece of individualist propaganda. nails & teeth metaphor the ignominious but resolute fighter (the progeny) lol.

so anyway this isn’t a post about my mom this is a post about henry cuz then i remembered henry lives on the west side like my mom. henry whom i’ve been on two dates with and have a major crush on. not a normal crush, a “oh you’re about to buy a horse son” level crush. and i imagined when i come to the west side, henry joining me for dinner on the days i visit my mom. not because that sounded like oh so much fun to him but because it was a way for us to spend time together. there are ppl who are married who do that kind of stuff for each other. it made me want to cry bc that would mean so much to me. this is fantasy henry not real henry but probably he would. i’ve only been on two dates with him and everyone is like avaaaaa don’t have too many expectations and like I KNOW i know i’m in it like ?? what’s the phrase? in it like jarvin? lol. besides if he dumped me i would DESERVE IT!!! i got fuckin’ KARMA to pay baby i broke more than a couple hearts the past couple years THIS IS WHAT THEY FELT LIKE?!? THEY FELT LIKE THIS?!?!?? wow FUCK

um but yeah obviously i would survive and if we break up it’s cause we’re not a match and there’s nothing *wrong* with me, duh, duhhhhh, totally notttttt a completely unhinged and slightly unhygienic individual, plus now i know what to look for - kind!!! stable!!! people!!! people i have a lot in common with!!! smart!!! part of the same world as me!!! people with a vision, a goal, passions!!! who take care of themselves!!! okay there’s gotta be lots of guys like that. so if it’s not henry FINE. but guyssssss guys i could actually see a future with him wtf was i doing before??? wowww i played so many games without realizing. 

anyway so we’ve only been on 2 dates so far but i am fully smitten with him (with spells of crushing doubt) and if one more person tells me to play it cool and not have expectations i WILL bite bc bitch I KNOW can you give me SOME OTHER KIND OF ADVICE PLS i have obviously not TOLD him any of this so stop putting more pressure on me to act or feel a certain way trust me I GET IT. and i think it’s dumb this is the advice given to women anyway.

also i’m going to europe probably for an entire month and as long as i don’t lose my job i’m gonna have a fucking amazing summer. losing job doesn’t seem that plausible, however, terrifying thought, bc i’m on my own now and need the moolah. and was a little uneven the past few months but that’s just a learning lesson ig. plus there’s always more jobs. right??? right. *sailor moon handhold sparkle fx*

ok thanks for being witnesses to my online diary my friends anxietyposting on here actually kind of helps, really excited for the future, it’s amazing that i’m getting these opportunities and the reason i’m so anxious is bc i care and i have something to lose. !

[cosmicangst]

Hi!! I can’t remember if it’s you who made that post about Run On being an ArtemRosa drama, and if it’s not you, please feel free to ignore this. But if it IS you, I am respectfully, enthusiastically agreeing.

Artem and Rosa may not have the most similar personalities to Seon Gyeom and Mi Joo, but the dynamics of both pairs have something so similar. I think it’s the emphasis that they both give to communication, with both women initiating the importance of clear communication. Mi Joo, being her film translator self, and Rosa having been the one to start the agreement in Two Hearts as One.

There’s also just the care they show each other. I think it’s pretty funny that both of the guys have come to the girls’ respective houses, very politely said “Damn, you live like this???”, and then proceeded to cook for their partner. I love how Seon Gyeom has to write “eat” in Mi Joo’s planner, and how Artem has say “you have to eat proper meals.” Coincidentally, both of the girls in retaliation have lessened the mental burden of both guys. Mi Joo teaches Seon Gyeom to get in touch with his feelings, going as far as to get him a diary. Rosa, by virtue of being Artem’s partner, is the one to help him shoulder his burdens, and he opens up to her too!

There are also other things too, I think. The way both pairs are both such awkward ducks around the other at the beginning. Artem and Seon Gyeom being regarded as the most competent in their fields, but not being the most socially skilled. Mi Joo and Rosa being headstrong and having the initiative to move forward, more often than not. Artem and Mi Joo are also very closely tied to film, while Rosa and Seon Gyeom, though not as invested as their partners, are fully supportive of the interest. (Though I think Rosa is a lot more immersed than Seon Gyeom???) Ahhhh. I’m sure there’s more, but your post got me thinking about why I immediately agreed, and I think this is why. ArtemRosa and Gyeommi are, in a way, subtle variants of each other.

Anyway, that’s all, thank you for letting me ramble. Hope you have a good day!

yeah that was me and wow this was such a fun and insightful read! i was rly going more by vibes when i made that comparison and didn’t rly ascribe that sentiment to anything in particular aside from the thematic function of movies as a medium of translation (ie connection/rapport) in both relationships and the emphasis of vulnerable and honest communication that you noted. so i’m very happy you’ve verbalized my more general feelings that i couldn’t specifically rationalize at the time.

run on has a specific kind of tone and mood as a romance kdrama in that it’s very lighthearted but never facetious and grounded but never cynical which i think is artem and rosa’s dynamic at its core. anyway brain to brain moment anon very happy that we’re in the same wavelengths so thanks for sending me this!

[benevadeca]

SAW the new cyrano movie and wow i liked it! anyway thoughts about it under the cut as it's like the 4th adaptation i've seen of cyrano lol.

so yeah in a lot of respects i do still prefer the national theater live's version in its rap translation thing. very obvious that these are two different adaptations that focused on different aspects of the source material made for different intents.

overall it was fun, i liked it! very artsy. one of roxane's songs was like kinda weird horny but it's the u know. romantic period drama sensuality and it was like at least tastefully done so eh! makes her a more understandable character than how she appears in most versions where it just feels like she wants to be in a better book club lmao

i DO think the musical adaptation of it was like, a good translation of a historical work for a modern non-french audience. but the songs, while fun and good and artsy, were kind of still at the same time sorta? idk generically...not Hollywood but idk. like songs u hear and go "yeah this is part of a musical"

[spoilers after this]

like cyrano the movie focusing on the romance plotline and the whole societal expectations/body image thing. loved the leitmotif of like, i forget the wording but "everyone wants to be loved for who they are" basically. the parallels betw christian and cyrano's deaths were rly good!

kind of mixed feelings on both of their death's honestly? but to focus on positives the parallel between christian sort of. giving up on roxane "i only want to be loved if it's for myself, and what roxane loves isn't me" and uhhh running into bullets basically. that paralleled with cyrano's "i have given up and am dying today". like it is the extreme lack of faith and emotional low that makes them easy pickings. i def had other thoughts but they are eluding me i need to marinate them a bit more maybe

but yeah on the cons side, i do think w/ the changes they made to cyrano's death scene (him getting his epic 10 seconds of mutual love and mouth on mouth), while more uh "positive" than other versions sort of undercuts the "tragedy" title of it. missed connections, too much has happened between the beginning and where we are now, cyrano's refusal to let go of his own pride and penchant for drama to fully accept its reciprocacy.

tho on that not his "and i loved...my pride" line was raw and epic it's like yes the realization all too late that you are your own worst enemy, you might've said you loved her but it was your inability to love yourself that affected your relationships with others, made it so you could never actually have any real faith in the person you love, that it was your simultaneous idolization and denegration of her image that got in the way. etc etc etc.

but yeah ANYWAY like it's bc the focus of the movie was fully on the romance and not any of the other themes that christian kind of got a worse deal than he usually does it almost feels like. like, the scenes he got were good ofc, but how he was fully cut out of the entire finale almost and basically just a prop for said 10 seconds of happiness that don't usually occur. also im still confused on that sequencing from christian's dead body to jesus i still don't get it but another thing marinating in my mind.

this is all to say ig that nothing goes as raw as national theater live having his dead body on the floor and then his actor physically between them in the entire end scene. also like idk there could've been just a little more of a focus on the "war is hell and it is the boys who never got to grow to be anything more than boys" bit

List of things cut:

OK so they cut a LOT from the original bc the original has that "art is controlled and censored by the people in power when it should be used to fight for the people" subplot, so basically everything from that is cut. which i get bc of time constrains w/ movies compared to theater productions, and like the director being the pride and prejudice director and the entire marketing of the movie being on the romance aspect of it and not that. so yeah i get the rationale! but sad tho

tbh i dont think it even explained specifically WHY cyrano said fuck that guy to montfleury in the beginning the whole convo cyrano had w his bro abt it just centered on roxane, and the "cyrano getting into a fight in the night to save his bro" scene was also subsequently refitted

cyrano's boyz night scene where he's dramatically reinacting his fight the previous night :( like instead it just has him angstily boxing in the corner which doesn't showcase his extreme chadness. also christian's introduction as just being kind of a mouthy brat lol

degich? i can never remember or spell his name but bitchy rich, they cut out his "war is bad and it's made me a better person" redemption arc but who cares so lol. moving on <3

roxane's epic girlboss moment was cut out. SAD. and subsequently the scene w/ the baker being a recurring character was ALSO cut out. quite the loss but ig they at least showcase roxane's ability to be an active character in other scenes so not a total loss

both of cyrano's moon monologues :( sad! also the timeskip being dramatically shorter and only three years. i do think switching his gradual health decline to be A-actualy consequences from the war and B-less him refusing to stop pissing people off without accepting help from others to just full inability to take care of himself. like yes really showcase his issues and also that poverty and its consequences exists outside of an aesthetic backdrop

Favorite changes things:

there was a musical/dance number in the bakery :) we only got to see the baker in that initial scene but love him

boyz night did get cut but the christian musical number kind of fucked hard so all is forgiven actually

OK depending on the variation the way cyrano dies changes, like he gets assassinated in diff ways so in one they drop bricks on him or smth and in another a carriage runs him over. (im p sure it's the 1990?) i think they referenced the carriage running him over version bc they had post-timeskip him walking and a carriage barrel pass and him collapse as it does (like. not it running him over just these two seperate events framed together) and i was like haha...i get the reference. kinda mean but i did laugh in the theater a little i was like brooooo

OH the movie starts not w in the theater but w roxane getting ready for it! so yeah epic girlboss moments. she didn't get to be angry at the very end like she was in the national theater live modern rap version but she did get a "im angry" song around the middle of the plot so u kno. girls who get to be angry

i do admit i cried at the scene where the ensemble cast of soldier's got to sing about their loved ones and accepting that they're being sent off to die. anyway

anyway yeah! i liked it it was good but i DO think if they were gonna strip it down to its bare romance they should've had cyrano and chris kiss also tho like it's simply only fair

[juni-ravenhall]

reactions (mild spoilers!) on sso comic song of darkness

bc i read it before bed. this is a mix of random reactions + commentary/criticism. no pics sry! under cut bc spoilers, but i dont spoil the story itself, just some content -

- the pages at the intro with character information for some reason made me feel really nostalgic and happy, like, “wow this is a real comic” idk its hard to explain. it reminded me of reading stuff like W.I.T.C.H. as a kid (ive read a billion comics in my life but i compare to this bc its closer in general vibe) 

- anyway wow sso comics. on paper. wow (yeah i have clouds over silverglade but that was a while ago)

- hhehehehehhe south hoofers and raptor in the bg!!!!!! after this panel i kept looking at the bgs for other cameos kjhdsfg

- i can tell the swedish translation is... a bit... meh. like, yeah this is standard, especially today’s standard, but it could be smoother and more natural, which would make it more fun to read (and supportive of the language in the country where sso was made like? idk...)

- AVALON?? U HAVE A FACE??? he looks way more like evergray than i’d have thought though, youd have imagined he wouldnt want to style himself similar to him lol

- its a bit depressing how even tho this comic tries to express everyone’s personalities, lisa still barely feels like she has a personality. she can sing! ok... and... we’re wating... what else? (there are plenty of “boring” people irl, but in media you usually want to exaggerrate or simplify things a little bit) the current lisa seems like she could have more anxiety/depression in her narrative, the old lisa looked like she was tough in a different way than alex, both of those are things that could be pushed. or anything else. 

- my only like, “art related criticism”, also relates to the above - i think more work could be done in using individually unique expressions. im generally not a person who agrees with the idea of “same face syndrome” (often its a stylistic choice which is fair) but i think here it could be a good idea to work a bit more with various expressions - you can have charas who would almost never make huge shocked eyes for personality reasons, charas who always have a very obvious expression (alex does have this a lot in this comic!), charas who always look annoyed or frustrated or scared alongside whatever new emotion they get, etc. just very simplified description bc im already rambling. but basically, letting all charas emote in a similar way also removes layers of personality expression. 

- it’s cool that kora is in here!! love to see many known charas!! not rly interested in random new charas since sso already has a ton to work with 

- was a bit surprised when they said “mistfall, so youre a long way from home?” to kora when they.. were riding to firgrove from valedale? i could have understood this if they were in like epona or golden hills.. but firgrove?? shes specifically not a long way from home? confused

- i do like that the horses’ personalities get expressed, altho it does feel a bit shoved in, it’s still nice to see them. many of us are here bc of loving horses after all, and this comic delivers in featuring them a lot, even if they dont talk. i get that theres a level of “explaining everything to newbies” in this whole comic, even though i could wish that wouldve been done less blatantly. (kids arent dumb!) 

- i do kinda wish the overall story hadn’t been a standalone random thing but something more tied to what we have, exploring parts of the story & charas in sso in more detail, BUT, i think thats a valid direction to go with comics and its more just a personal preference for me. i would anytime take more sso comics that are standalone random stuff than to not have sso comics at all. 

- it seems like the reason concorde is an alive adult in this comic, is bc its an AU where concorde “almost died” but didnt, if i understood it right (they just said “she almost lost concorde”). i think thats a bit weird BUT valid, its ok to have differences in canon between different media of the same story, it tends to be like that between books and movies for example. however personally i wouldve preferred to see comics that explore, for example, the 2 years (?) between SSL and SSO, or each soul rider’s life history in general until now, or exploring in more depth events that happen in the main storyline (in sso or ssl which counts as backstory to sso)

- there were times i committed small giggle during this comic even as an adult man, tho arguably a childish adult man, but just to say that it was enjoyable, and overall i thought it was really exciting and fun to read a full sso comic book, and i hope to see a lot more (even if i’d prefer stuff like what i described - more exploration of existing story/charas). like i said at the beginning, i also got good nostalgic feels etc. i feel a bit sad now that its “over”, i wish i could have a whole pile of volumes to read for the rest of the summer. 

(when i criticise something, it means i care enough about it to criticise it! i tend to criticise stuff i love - aka sso - way more than stuff i have no interest in or dislike, which i just dont talk about much bc that would be a waste of time.) 

[butterfly--empress]

Crazy MLB Thoughts...

Or shit I would sort of want to see but after watching Seasons 2 and 3 doubt highly will happen nor do I trust the writers to be substantially confident in making a cohesive story that doesn’t fall at the rails.

The fact that they seem to like making Miraculous Ladybug Episodic when it really should be a Serialize show, tells me all I need to know to NOT but much faith in what they do. 

But I’ve been surprised before but...GREAT DOUBT (I’m trying really hard not to tl:dfr the essay about my...gripes with MLB on a whole because writing that...we’ll be here all day. ALL DAY)

anyways moving on;

1. Adrien and Felix are either step siblings or identical twins and someone lying about who’s the real baby daddy/baby momma and both sisters are in on it. 

2. Both sisters are in on EVERYTHING...and prob share everything and Gabe is none the wiser. Don’t make that face at me fam, Ya’ll come up with very interesting poly ships...DON’T @ ME! XD

Look at their fucking Maiden Name; without some translation; Vanily? If that shit don’t sound too damn close to Villain IDKWTF does! XD

But seriously, the name has various meanings which all boil down to, deceit and moral ambiguity. I don’t put nothing passed nobody.

I seen what the animators were doing; trying to paint Amelie in Black while Emilie is dressed in White. See, that symbolism of trying to make me think Amelie is a bad twin to Emilie’s good twin because of how Gabe sees her. But I like to think the reality is more of the opposite if...IF Emilie’s really a big bad. 

3a. Emilie is more antagonistic than Gabriel but actually loves her son and husband.

3b. Emilie could also just be full calculating evil and all of Adrien’s ‘memories’ of his loving mother could be of his Aunt Amelie instead...

4. The whole ass episode of Felix had me like: I watched one too many damn K-Dramas to know that anytime rich families act like this around each other; it usually involves birth secrets and the fact that someone was getting it on with the ‘wrong’ somebody...or the right somebody. 

Look, all I’m saying is, Gabe is def the father and most likely the father of Felix but Adrien could...maybe...actually...be...Amelie’s kid for some unfounded reason and no one’s saying anything about it. (no way in the 7 HELLS do cousins look identical like that unless the creators just felt spiteful for some reason and rehashed a scraped character design...)

Don’t look at me like that Fam! I cannot be the only one who thought there were a lot of secrets not being shared/said in this episode! If ya’ll can theorized about Sentimonsters, I can theorized about  Agreste/Graham de Vanily family drama. 

5. Audrey and Tomoe might have a bitter rivalry/partnership/something with Emilie and Gabriel. I feel like something happened for Tomoe to be all; ‘I don’t need friends, they’re a disappointment’. 

6. Fam! Ya’ll have got to chill with the ‘Character X is a Sentimonster theories’, come on that’s weak writing fam. FAM we’re better than this!

7. Marinette will finally get to tone down on her crush/obsession for Adrien WITHOUT having to be with *coughusecough* Luka.

8. Adrien as Chat Noir will finally get to tone down on his crush/obsession for Ladybug WITHOUT having to with *coughusecough* Kagami because she vaguely makes him think about Ladybug....Yea I said it. 

I believe Adrien only tries to move on with Kagami because she’s the closest thing that reminds him of his Idealistic view of Ladybug and not really for Kagami herself. which isn’t fair to Kagami...jfc I said I was NOT going to tl:dfr this post....ahh too fucking late now!

Sure, Adrien admires her but I don’t think he really truly likes the girl in that way. Out of Order Episodes or not, that boy can’t go 5 mins without going nuts over his precious M’Lady. XD

9. I just rather there NOT be this extra baggage of a love triangle and I just would like for ONCE to get through a season without feeling 2nd hand embarrassment over the cringy shit Marinette does to get Adrien’s attention.

Before you try to go ham on me LadyNoir/Adrinette/Marichat/Ladrien (GODDAMN THIS FUCKING OTP) shippers hear me out: I am not saying I don’t want the love square..THE ORIGINAL LOVE SQUARE OF really two loves in like/lust/future love unknowingly with each other to end.

I WILL FUCKING GO DOWN TO THE DEPTHS OF HELL FOR THIS SHIP!

But I do want less cringe, there’s so much I can take of Marinette learns not to be petty and seems to grow up a bit for the NEXT damn episode to reset like that shit didn’t happen....boi..i’m about to rant about the writing...

10. EPISODES WILL NOT BE SHOWN OUT OF ORDER!!

11. EPISODES WILL NOT BE SHOWN OUT OF ORDER!!

12. Season 4 will be consistent with it’s plot driven story and continuity...we can only pray.

13. When old Gabby Moth gets redeemed (not if but when...hey i’m trying to be marginally realistic here) the story for it, isn’t weak asf and doesn’t feel forced. Even though its going to feel forced...unless Emilie really does turn out to be that bad bitch and shows she cares more for power over her family and dismisses Gabriel...only for him to wisen up that his wife really isn’t a saint and realize too late that Nathalie was always there for him...FUCK I just made myself sad..I’m sad....

14. Astruc is really being a troll and Chloe actually gets a redemption...maybe too much to ask for?

15. Meanwhile Lila FUCKING Rossi can eat ass I don’t like that hoe. 

16a. Marinette will not try to carry the huge/sudden burden of being the guardian...(yea..THANKS FU FOR THAT BTW...*coughshitguardianmentormotherfuc...coughs*) ah Mari will not try to carry this heavy ass burden on her lonesome and actually lets those she chooses to give Miraculous too, KEEP THEM THIS TIME...ya know..so it’s more convenient for them to help her and Chat Noir when they need assistance.  While she maybe the Guardian, she will allow Chat Noir to share her burden with her. 

16b. Chat Noir will play more of an equal role alongside Ladybug and not be kept in the dark. ISTG RN; if Mari, after telling Fu she doesn’t want to keep anything from the guy that is supposed to be her number 1 partner...in the fucking dark...this whole ass website is going to feel my wrath for days on in. 

no more of this ‘pushing Chat Noir to the sidelines and keeping him in the dark’ more than Hawkmoth trying to use their trust for each other against them, distrust and lies is the fastest way for him or some other big bad to win.

Also I just REALLY want the gang to keep their miraculous. 

17. Probably going to get flack for this but I really want to see Chloe/Luka happen or at least some form of interaction between them. 

I don’t mind the Lukagami Ship but it rly feels like a forced pair the spares to sideline them away from Adrienette and I rly can’t see it. I mean I can but I think Chloe/Luka would make for something more interesting. 

18. Felix NOT becoming a big bad, because wow do we really need ALL of Adrien’s fam being coo-coo for coca puffs?? especially if Emilie is as worse than her husband 

19 the other side characters get to actually develop.

20...Was there something else??? Probably but I’m tired and can’t think outside of really wanting a kind and just Emilie Fucking Agreste and also wanting the Bitch Mother of all mothers from hell Emilie FUCKING Agreste, while also wanting a lil of both.

And now unable to decide WHICH Emilie Fucking Agreste to write about in my two AUs because where at first i wanted sweet innocent Emilie fucking Agreste, now I want cunning, ambitious gets what she wants behind a sweet demeanor, you’ll never see her striking, Emilie Fucking Agreste!

While good!Emilie Agreste would be simple and easy to write for...my mind is going; palace politics is just so much better when everyone is backstabbing everyone! Just like historical dramas! only not everyone dies! XD

[earths-roots-grow-up]

I just thought of rly hot take on Gilbert’s character. Idk if you’ll agree but hear me out. Gil internalizes all the negative things he’s called (arrogant, narcissistic, etc) and believes himself to be an awful, irredeemable person. This is how he justifies his bad behavior when he acts out, but this also leads him to ignore his good qualities and doesn’t believe people when they say he has good traits. So he just has terrible self esteem issues bc he believes there’s nothing good abt him.

That’s a pretty cool character take, gotta admit, it’s interesting :D Thank’s for sharing! My take on his self-esteem is pretty different, but there def. are things I would agree with, like that he believes a lot of bad stuff people say about him (narcissistic, aggressive, arrogant) and then it creates this self-fulfilling prophecy, i.e. because he believes them he is more prone to act that away. 

And sorry bc I wrote a small feaking BOOK about this ;/

But, the way I see him, all those things are true. They are a pretty accurate descriptions of his character. And he doesn’t suffer from self-esteem issues bc of that. Like, a person who really truly IS selfish won’t care that they are selfish … bc they are selfish. And a person who is a jerk may agree they are a jerk to others, but they won’t feel any guilt over it - otherwise they wouldn’t be, well, a jerk :D What I mean to say is: if you think you are awful bc you are selfish and a jerk, you are probably neither selfish nor a jerk.And because he really is arrogant he tends to view all those things as good stuff. So him being arrogant/selfish just translates in his head to: I watch out for Number One, which is obviously a good thing, bc the Number One is the most important! It’s connected to survival.Being jerk/aggressive/subjugating others is in his head always connected to power. Those who have power get to be massive douches/control others - and power is always good, bc it means survival. So for him it’s very rooted in how he was created, that he had no land. He had to really fight for even becoming a small duchy. During that time he learned all those bad behaviors and his personality crystallized. And he knows he’s selfish/a jerk, but he doesn’t recognize those as real flaws but as things that made him survive/in the end, are good. FOR HIM. And for others,? He doesn’t care about others. Bc he’s selfish and a jerk :D BUT, and here comes another part where I agree with Your hot take, he’s not dumb, and he knows those things make him unlikable to others, he thinks no one would like him or could really enjoy his company. He still is like that, because to him survival/showing off power is just more important than being liked. But he would react with surprise and total doubt if someone just starts to.. like him. Find him attractive? Sure, he buys that, bc power IS attractive to him, so it must be attractive to others, right? But actually liking such a douche… doubt. And that gets reinforced hard by that HC I have that he’s selfish in bed which means it’s easy to get partners, but not so easy to keep them.Anyway: things like being soft, deeply empathetic, emotional and, yes, wanting to be liked - those are things he would rather consider flaws. So to him being unlikable jerk is in some weird way empowering, like: I don’t need anyone and those who need someone are pathetic! And if you at nice bc you want to be liked you are also pathetic! But deep down he is lonely and yearns for human connection and closeness. But its just… looses with all the other stuff. With SURVIVAL and with POWER.I think after the WW2, when he got a really hard slap from reality, he became closer to what you describe, in that for the first time in his life he started to recognize that those things are negative. It wasn’t an instant thing but a long process that took years but in the end, he self-actualized when he really recognized that those were flaws and that him being that way - at least partly - created his situation, like the dissolution. So in the end being a selfish jerk made survival harder, not easier.I think the biggest symbol of this change is when he decides to let the Berlin Wall fall. It’s the first time EVER he pretty much does something that would hurt him, for the good of someone else - he decides to give his country away to Ludwig. It’s an incredible leap and something he would never do, like, 100 years before. He was all about take-take-take.In modern times, I headcanon him as a better person but I don’t want him to lose his narcissistic/jerkisch personality bc I noticed that when this happens in tv shows then those characters often become boring and I lose interest in them. So my HC for him today is that he is still arrogant and a douche, bu he now can be vulnerable and empathetic a LOT more, especially for the ‘us’ group (others… less so, he still doesn’t care tbh) and it’s now possible to form healthy relationships with him. He’s still gonna do some power-seeking stuff in those relationships and be manipulative/passive-agressive, bc it’s just the way he is, but it won’t DEFINE his relationships with others. And when it comes to him bein an ass, he’s just very honest about his nature and embraces it. Like that t-shirt “#EVIL GERMAN” is his fav. But he’s not ashamed of it nor is it a source of bad self-image for him.So, yeah, sorry it’s so long!! ;/ I neve know which part to cut x.xBut yeah, I guess tl;dr awesome hot take, very interesting profile for a character, tho it’s not how I see Gil :) Would agree about the internalized ‘badness’ and that it makes him act even worse in the Great Circle of Assholnes & he doesn’t really believe other could really like him and is lonely bc of this. But due to complicated reasons mentioned above, it’s not a source of low self-esteem for him. I also wrote some stuff about how him being the way he is affects hs relationship owth others here and also here. 

So I guess he has a LOT of problems.. just low self esteem is not one of them. And he very much believes himself to have like tons of positive qualities :D Because he’s arrogant. You can’t reall be arrogant and think you don’t have great qulities, I think? I mean I may be wrong here but that would go against the idea of arrogance I think.

He truly believes he’s better than others, bc selfishenss and arrogance, with the exception of Choosen Few (those he’s very close to and sometimes he even recognizes they are better at some stuff than him, like Ru being more creative/thinking out of the box… wow! :D character development! :D) ‘n because of this he often feels superior to other nations. But he also became less ostentatious with his ‘I’m better than you’ stuff since he lost his nation status, but oh it’s still there. 

[beihonglin]

anyway i met bei honglin and he’s an actual angel and we don’t deserve him: a recap

also this is more than 5k words so like ! prepare yourselves!

fhdjjd okay so in april honglin’s hyh brought up his birthday party in his gc and I was like :——) that’s when spring sem ends I could actually make it

 fast forward through a lot of encouraging by summer miss @91percentchaoze​ (sobs I rly owe summer my life) and a lot of anxiety about flights and a lot of other stresses in between

and June 2nd I’m in shanghai with mirthe miss @honglinsmacaroni​ and meggi and summer ie three of the cutest people in the world!!!

when we get to banana there were already other fans there waiting at the event space and the hyh was giving out seat numbers and stuff

so meggi was 10, summer was 11, mirthe was 14 and I was 15

and we started giving out the slogans and stuff we printed until the staff chased us out so they could set up

and so we were chilling first in Starbucks w the other fans fhdjjfjf they’re rly so cute I was finally able to put faces to weibo handles & they finally realised they were talking to someone who’s actually shit at speaking Chinese lmao

then when it got to 2 o’clock we moved outside near the entrance of the event space (since the event space was supposed to be open to us at 2)

but they got the time wrong and we ended up only being able to go in at nearly 3

which isn’t important anyway bc !!! we saw tangram walking in !!!

okay so we saw this white blob coming out from the main banana building and walking towards one of the side buildings and we were like

whomst

and it wAS JINGZUO JSDKAHFKJDH

and summer or mirthe waved at him and he was like bitch wtf and squinted

like ??? who the heckity is waving at me but then eventually he connected the dots and was like o yah fans so he waved back fhdchdkhcjdjf

and he just walked on what a king ??????

summer was right I was surprisingly more chill than I thought I would be fhdjfjfjjf I thought I would cry but I didn’t

so we waited around a bit longer, got suntans and sunburns and slightly dehydrated

and then honglin walks out

my god y’all he’s a whole goddamn angel he’s not real I’m telling you he’s unreal

I KNOW I said the last time that yanjun is rly unphotogenic and all the photos don’t do him justice but leT ME TELL YOU

THE ENTIRE BANANA FAMILY IS LIKE THIS THEYRE UNREAL

THEYRE ALL BANANA PEELS IN HUMAN SUITS THEIR VISUALS ARE ??? NOT HUMAN

but yah at first I was like o he’s gonna go through the back exit to the event space he’s not gonna come this way

AND THEN HE CAME THIS WAY

fhdjfjfj i didn’t take a video but if I did u would probs hear me go “o shit he’s coming” fhdjfjfj

and mirthe was like I’M GONNA TELL HIM UR WEIBO HANDLE I’M GONNA TELL HIM YOU’RE ASTROFIREWORKS and I was like NO so then we had a little back and forth for a while tHAT HONGLIN SAW FBDJHFJF

I don’t rmb a lot of it bc I was mainly in shock that he was in front of me so I was mostly like :——) heckie!

but he went through the front entrance and the moment he made it inside I lost my shit fbdjfjjff

mirthe sent a picture of me just kneeling at the entrance contemplating my entire life to the group chat fhdjfhdj apparently I said that I wanted to go home fhdjfjfjjf

and then zhixie and jingzuo came out soBS

ZHIXIE IS SO BEAUTIFUL IRL U DONT UNDERSTAND HIS CHEEKBONES ARE INSANE

also he had black hair again and the cuTEST HAT ON and we promptly lost our shit

Jingzuo,,,,, in a plain white shirt and blue jeans and converse,,,, someone PLEASE stop him

but they went in and we cried

and waited outside bc ruotian and chaoze still hadn’t gone in but then someone came to tell us chaoze was off filming for his show so he wasn’t coming & somehow ruotian had alr made it into the building without us noticing so eventually we all went in

and the chairs were so comfortable o my god they swivelled and they were like super squishy I love chairs

and then the best two hours of my tgm stan life started :—(

my god the moment honglin stepped on stage my entire heart melted he rly looked so good sobs

you’re completely right I’m dedicating an entire portion to his visuals

his eyes :—-( are so sparkly my god

and when he smiles his eyesmile???? he gets those rly deep wrinkles around his eyes and they’re actually beautiful????? ;;;;

he Radiates joy like i know i say this so often but their debut song??? radiant??? written For him,,,

also when he smiles it’s so warm like you find yourself smiling along bc he rly and genuinely means it and is happy and your heart just warms up bc he’s happy and i just

man i l*ve him

okay so the first segment zhixie was like “what do y’all love about beibei”

and everyone was yelling different things like “he’s so handsome” and “so talented” and “his vocals” and someone also yelled “he can eat a lot” and zhixie was like ??? bro whAt

also someone said “he spoils his fans a lot” and my god y’all it’s so so true but more in that at the very end of this recap

I couldn’t even say anything rip bc my entire brain was set in English and I was like ???? my god i wrote an entire post about the reasons I l*ve him but my mind is blankity blank

but then he was like well beibei’s great at pick up lines

so he did pick up lines based on scenarios zhixie gave fhdjfjfand most of them were old tsk

but he made up this rly cute one that went like 看花开不如看着你发呆 ‘people like looking at flowers bloom, but i’d rather look at you daydreaming’ and i UWUED SO HARD

and I didn’t realise this until meggi pointed it out after but when they put the scenarios on screen, they used a gender neutral “TA” instead of the gendered 她/他 ;;;;;

then they did this segment where honglin was supposed to go against three fans and do a tongue twister in the shortest time and in order of time they got to choose foods under cloches

honglin did so badly fhdjfjfj he got last place but idk if he did it on purpose so his fans could win

one fan got wasabi disguised as ice cream and zhixie was like EAT IT and honglin was like DONT

and he offered to eat the wasabi for her I’m sobbing he rly is so sweet

but zhixie was like NO SHE HAS TO EAT IT and everyone laughed bc he was so adamant fhdjfjfj i love zhixie with my entire soul

and thEN honglin goes okay y’all know how I posted that picture last night

(this picture)

my god I died when he posted it bc

1) I love that shirt what an expensive look

2) he was baking ;A;

and he made a half-baked cheesecake s o b s

he was like: “since i’m always posting vlogs and y’all always watch me eat I thought I’d make food for y’all this time” and I WEPT

and he was like oh give me a theme and i’ll decorate the cake around that theme

so they pulled out the box again and he picked random numbers

and they called out 4 and 15 and 27 to go on stage and I was like

wow I wonder who they are omg

and suddenly summer’s in my ear going MY GOD 15 IT’S YOU

me:

me: what

zhixie: STOP DREAMING IT’S YOU

me: WHAT

hdsflgkjhdfkhgjdsfgkhksfgkdjhdfgkjhsdgjh

and the entire time i was mouthing to mirf and meggi like I CAN’T SPEAK CHINESE I’M GOING TO GO UP AND FORGET THAT I’M BILINGUAL I’M GOING TO BE BYELINGUAL I’M

and they were mouthing back sPEAK ENGLISH and i was like oK

and then it was my turn and i was shaking so so so hard ????

like i’m so so so bad in front of crowds i’ve shaken my way through every marketing presentation ever bc i hATE public speaking and now i have to go up in front of two angels?????

mirf and meggi were like THAT’S ASTROFIREWORKS and i didn’t realise until i checked the group chat after that zhixie said yAY KJDHSKSJAHKJA

and summer was like SHE FLEW IN FROM NEW YORK kjdshfkahdgjfhagjd

and zhixie was like wait do u speak chinese

and i blANKED OUT I WAS LIKE YES BUT FAM NO

but he only took the yes and was like ok thaNK GOD I DONT HAVE TO TRANSLATE

inside i was like fAM WHO THE HECKITY DO U THINK TRANSLATES YOUR VIDEOS I CAN DO IT FOR U KASJDHFLSKJDHKH but outside i was just ah yes :—)

and zhixie and honglin said something about english but my mind was blank all i could do was stare at honglin like

y’all

i know i said he was unreal but

up close

he’s literally ??? a whole angel like ????????????? his eyes sparkle so much when he laughs my heart STOPPED

and when they asked me to step closer i was like

actually i can translate for u i’m-

and zhixie was like NO THERE’S NO NEED like akdsfhkjkjdshJKASDHK OK

then honglin asked what theme i wanted and i was likE FAM IDK I’VE BEEN BLANKING THE ENTIRE TIME STARING AT YOU

so i was like okay i know u rly like one piece so something maybe one piece related

and he was like fam that’s difficult sadjkfhalsKJSDHLKJASD

but the moment i opened my mouth

zhixie: ARE YOU SINGAPOREAN OR MALAYSIAN

me: uh i’m singapor-

honglin: uwu i can hear it

me: about to die

zhixie (in english): ur accent !

and god yall my entire heart burst into flames like

i’ve said it before here but i’ve spent quite a bit of time being ashamed of my accent bc when i first got to america nobody could understand my singaporean accent and everyone kept asking me to repeat myself and eventually i was like ok u know what it’s better if i just shut up and not talk

and so the reason why i’m so so so proud of zhangjing (and jj) is bc there finally is ?? some south east asian representation and there are even people complimenting his accent and calling it cute and it ?? finally felt like i shouldn’t be embarrassed about the way i speak??

zhixie: when i heard you i was like eh? it’s almost like i heard you zhangjing

and i

Cried

and then zhixie turned to meggi and mirthe and were like yall come from beijing?

like fam what

and meggi was like no we come from belgium

zhixie: malaysian? you?

about ten people correcting him: belgium

zhixie, again: malaysian?

kajsdhflasjdkhfkj

and then zhixie said some other words but yall i was

just watching honglin

his hands are so so so so beautiful like his fingers are rly nice and

his nose ??? work of art

also his hands looked so soft like :—(

he was just bent over the cake and he :—( rly truly a goddamn angel

summer took photos of me that i’m never releasing ever sakdfhaksjdhfds i look so COMPLETELY WHIPPED FOR HIM LIKE

and at one point he started plucking cherries and one stalk fell on the floor and i was like o no so i went forward to pick it up and he

looked up

and said ‘oh it’s okay’ and smiled and

my heart stopped i think i left my soul on stage

O SHIT OKAY AND THEN ZHIXIE WALKED OVER AND WAS LIKE

CAN I ASK WHAT YOU’RE THINKING U LOOK LIKE YOU’RE LOSING UR MIND

AND I WAS LIKE FAM U DONT UNDERSTAND I A M

and i was like ‘idk i’m just ?? very shookt’

and zhixie was like what??? shy????

me: 很惊讶 (very shocked)

zhixie: shy? ? ??

me, thinking: fam this is how i feel when i translate yall captionless vlogs

zhixie (in eng): is this ur first time seeing honglin?

me: my first time seeing you also !!!!!

zhixie, suddenly shy: ah okay thank u

UWU!!!

and then honglin was done and looked up and i might have died inside again

AND HE WALKED OVER AND I WAS LIKE FAM NO DONT IF YOU COME CLOSER I’M LITERALLY GOING TO DI E??????

and he was like ‘oh this is zoro’

the sane part of me: oh wait ur favourite character is zoro???

bc liTERALLY TWO DAYS BEFORE HE POSTED ABOUT SANJI AND SO MY SISTER AND I WERE LIKE OH HE PROBS LIKES SANJI

BUT HE

LIKES ZORO

(my sister, afterwards: wtf i feel lied to)

but he was so heckin close to me like fam my heart

stopped

honglin: i hope u like it uwu

me: heck !

honglin: take one bite!

me: HECKITYHECK

zhixie (in eng): i wanna see ur facial expression

aND THEN THEY WERE BOTH LOOKGIN AT ME LIKE FUCABJS,BCD

FUCINADJCNSAKJDKJ

honglin: is it okay? ;;

me: FUCIJNSKCSADJ YES TAKE MY HEART TAKE MY SOUL

and i finally FINALLY FUNIAJKNSSK FINALLY GOT OFF THE GODDAMN STAGE

zhixie: WHERE’S HER APPLAUSE

anD EITHER RUOTIAN OR JINGZUO UPSTAIRS STARTED CLAPPING AGAINST THEIR MIC LIKE ASDFAHKSDHFAKSJD SHUT UP

 AND I WANTED TO DIE I WALKED ITNO A CARDBOARD CUTOUT RIGHT AFTER BC I WAS SO SHOOK

and honglin was like be careful! there’s a cardboard cutout right there! bc he’s a whoLE ANGEL

but also like GKASCKASHDHFAJDSHLFKJ PLS STOP LOOKIGN AT ME PLEAS E MY HEART IS WEAK I’M

my god

collapsed into summer’s arms right after thank god for summer !!!

okay then the next segment zhixie was like o yall know honglin’s position in the group is main vocal so next he can sing something for yall

honglin: actually i prepared an entire song for yall but music copyright means that i can’t sing it w a backing track

bc if he sings w a copyrighted backing track or if he sings more than half the song the livestream video would have to be taken down or something??

but it didn’t matter bc the moment he opened his mouth my entire heart STOPPED like

if he stabbed me in the stomach it would have hurt less his voice is so so sososos ososososososoosososo beautiful ????

and he sang without a backing track to like ????

i’m telling yall he’s a whole angel like he’s not real

and then honglin was like oh i also prepared another song but bc i now see there are overseas fans here i’m gonna sing an english song

and he sang when i was your man by bruno mars and when he hit the high note i think i ascended into the afterlife

about the 46 minute mark here i RLY AND TRULY RECOMMEND LISTENING TO IT SOBS HE SOUNDS LIKE THE PERFECT ANGEL HE IS

AND ZHIXIE HARMONISED AT THE BACK LIKE AHHHHH THAT’S MY BABE MAIN VOCAL TAGTEAM RIGHT THERE

and then zhixie asked if there was any other song we wanted and i was immediately like JJ!!

i’ve been ??? pleading for a jj cover forEVER ND HE

FINALLY PULLED THROUGH

honglin: i’m going to do Those Were The Days bc like the song says (那些你很冒险的梦 我陪你去疯 - all those adventurous dreams, i’ll chase them with you), i’ve been chasing my dream and yall have been here with me every step of the way

and i think the moment he said it i DIED like ???? jj is one of my favourite singers and nearly all my faves have covered his songs at least once, astro included???

and everyone who knows me knows i love jj like nini miss @tanqram​ has literally made a tangram singing jj compilation that i watch religiously ??? and this is one of my fave jj songs?????

and the moment he opened his mouth like ???? i KNOW i said that i died the last two times he sang but

firstly he sounds so much like jj?????

and secondly everything was ???? perfect??????

like i judge jj covers hard bc i’ve listened to the originals so many times everything is ingrained and the moment something is off i cringe but

yall

honglin’s perfect honglin is Actually Perfect

ALSO HE SOUNDS SO MUCH LIKE JJ LIKE HE RLY WASN’T LYING IN HIS IP INTRODUCTION

and afterwards honglin was like lol jj said before that whenever he sings high notes he starts sweating and immediately jingzuo (???) was like TAKE OFF UR CLOTHES LKAJDHSFKASJDHFK

jingzuo chaotic good!!!

also i didn’t know until afterwards when the fantakens were out but ruotian was eating chicken wings and slurping noodles the whole time upstairs aksjdflhaksdjfhaksj why is didi line chaos

and then zhixie was like yall know what other things beibei is good at?

like fam he’s good at everything we rly can’t

also someone in the back was like he’S GREAT AT DOING THE SPLITS and honglin’S FACE AJSDFHKSJDHF

but it was languages and so zhixie was like we’re gonna make him say i love u in many different languages

and i could FEEL marta miss @honeyforzhixie​ going ????? isn’t that ur thing zhixie jsdgflasjdhf

and so they started discussing languages and zhixie was like o i know u can speak a little japanese bc i know u memorised the entire one piece theme song

and i SCREAMED INSIDE bc we literally juST TALKED ABOUT IT THAT MORNING WHEN WE VIDEO CALLED NINI nkfhakjsdhf we were like uwu we hope he sings a jj song but then we were like o lol what if he ended up singing the one piece theme song instead bc we bet he knew the whoLE THING AND HE DOES KNOW IT AJSDFHLAK

but then zhixie made honglin imitate maotong and say ‘i love u’ the way maotong would and my heart ached a little i miss my baby boy so much ??

but JINGZUO CHAOTIC GOOD JSDHLAKJ ‘could u imitate chaoze too’ jaskdlfhkjd

and so he did a couple different versions like Japanese (he and jingzuo screamed lines from one piece at each other ajdkhflksd) and korean (he took a line out of some korean drama?????)

and someone suggested french (was it mirf?????) and i lAUGHED rip his french vlog sorry honglin i swear i love u !!

and then they were like ok time to play his fan video

okay listen i have to preface this by saying that when i got the brief from the hyh she told me ‘it’s best if we make him cry!’ and i was like ok! sure!

turns out it made ME cry i stressed out over the video for two entire weeks sobs the moment my finals were over i locked myself into nyu’s computer lab until moving out day but still couldn’t finish it so i had to work on it on the plane ride home too sobs my roommate connie miss @ynajun​ saw the worst of it bc every time i came home from the lab i’d stress about it ???

but my god it was worth ??? everything ????

he ?????? cried??????

and like on one hand i’m happy that i managed to fulfil the brief but also i feel bad bc he cried but also mostly i laughed bc he’s such a sweet emotional bub

BUT ALSO BC HE CRIED MEGGI GOT TO OFFER HIM HER TISSUES!!!!!!!!

like we specially bought tissues before we left for banana bc we were like we’re gonna need them bc we’re gonna cry

BUT IT TURNS OUT HONGLIN NEEDED HTEM MORE AJSDKFHLASJDHFKAJ

zhixie: he cries every year during his birthday

zhixie: but also even when it’s not his birthday he cries he cried at my birthday too

and afterwards in chaoze’s birthday post he called honglin a crybaby too UWUWUWUWU

tangent but on his birthday when he came into the group chat he thanked us again for the video and i Died

okay this next part is purely speculation bc i honestly might just be overinflating myself and he might have done this purely coincidentally but when he thanked us for his video he looked at me and i ?????

when the video was playing nini and marta were yelling in the gc that they knew the video was done by me bc i overuse cc particle world on after effects jasdhlfksjdh but in that moment i briefly entertained the thought that he was familiar enough with my edits to know that the only idiot who keeps using cc particle world was me ??

but also as i said purely speculation and probably coincidence so

anyway you can watch it here 

and then they played the birthday video messages from fans and i think i died from embarrassment let’s Not talk about it

but also i only realised it after they pointed it out in the gc but apparently zhixie and honglin were both singing along to the jj backing track i added to my video ajsdfhlaksjd

my god another tangent but on his birthday when he came into the group chat we were talking about the videos we recorded

and hh (one of honglin’s og fans she’s a whole angel too I love her !!!!) was like my gOD i rly am so unphotogenic (when she filmed her video she put a ‘FAT’ over her face sobs but like mood) and i was like yah same lol i had to record myself like ten times in times square bc i looked so bad in all the takes

and honglin was like HH WHY DID U CENSOR UR FACE UR CLEARLY SO CUTE and we collectively died for her uwu !!!!

then honglin rePLIED ME SAYING ‘OH BUT TIMES SQUARE HAS SUCH A GOOD VIBE’ and i died for the nth time ??? and then he followed up by saying ‘i rly want to go to times square i’ve gone to america a lot of times when i was younger but i’ve only ever been to the west coast’ jksadhlfkjshekj pls come i’ll bring u around east coast best coast

but back to the point he was like ‘i’ve said it before during ip (and he did!!! during the fanfan episode where he was talking to the rubbish bin he rly has said it before!!!!) but i rly try my best to remember every single person’s face and all my fan’s weibo IDs’ and my heART MELTED HE

and then it was his ending ment!!

he said something that rly threw my heart off a cliff he said that he’s so grateful for the hyh and fans for listening to him and donating to charities in his name instead of buying him extravagant gifts bc when he makes it big, if he makes it big, the thing he wants to do the most is to donate to children who come from a less privileged family background bc he knows what it’s like coming from a single parent family and ;n;

then they showed wishes from other idols!!!!!

there was wang ziyi, zhou rui, the twins my ip hEART

LISTEN I ??? when zuo qibo showed up my SWIN HEART EXPLODED I ??? MISS ??? MY SWIN ANGELS ????

AND THEN RUIBIN SHOWED UP IN ALL HIS UNKEMPT AND UNSHAVEN AND RAMBLING GLORY AND MY PRINCERUIBIN HEART WEPT I THINK I HELD SUMMER’S ARM SO HARD SHE GOT BRUISES AJKSDHFKSJD I’M SO SORRY SUMMER I LOVE U

and then cHAOZE APPEARED !!!! and everyone immediately melted he’s the softest leader alive i love my baby!!

and honglin was about to say something but ruOTIAN

ruotian showed up w a cake w sparklers???????? like fam???????

and eventually we had to say goodbye :—(

but honglin was like o i rly and truly thought that there would be lesser people at this birthday than there was last year and my heart ??? broke ????

bc the room they were in last year alr was so small and there were rly little roses but he ??? genuinely thought he had so little fans that he wouldn’t even fill up the room ;;;;;;;; bc there rly are v little active roses both on weibo like there are less than ten of us who actively post in his chaohua and at tgm events like they’re mostly lrt/jjz fans and there’s usually only one rose ;;;;

but listen honglin our entire gc would die for you we will never stop loving u until every last one of us is found dead in a ditch

and then we’ll love u into the next life

also after he said goodbye he was like sike!

he kept singing behind the cardboard cutouts and peeking around them to say hi again

at some point I poked my head over and went PLS COME TO NEW YORK and he said something back that I alas couldn’t hear rip

and then he started singing along to jj again sobs

but eventually at some point they left via the back door and I was like GOTTA GO THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT I’VE BEEN TRAINING FOR sobs going to the airport for yanjun and wenjun and jeffrey and ziyi and kunkun rly was to prepare me for one thing and one thing only and it was to practise getting good non-shaky fantakens without dying???

jingzuo rly truly looked AMAZING he rly rocks the white tee blue jeans and converse look jingzuo stans stay winning!!!

and honglin ;;;;;;; was holding my banner ;;;;;;;;

and he looked directly into my camera a couple times sobs and he shot hearts too I rly ???? Editing the photos made me cry so many times fbdjhfjf every time I got to those photos I lose my mind

ALSO ONLY AFTER EDITING THE PHOTOS I REALISED RUOTIAN WAS JUDGING ME SO HARD GHDJFJ my eyes were glued to honglin the entire time but looking at the photos again ruotian looked so unamused fhcjfhfbfhbf

speaking of ruotian my gOD editing photos with him in it is a nightmare y’all he’s either blinking or looks like he’s about to sneeze in nearly every picture fhdjfjfj summer and I generally make it a rule not to blur other members’ faces out of our fantakens but ruOTIAN RLY TESTING ME

but we made it to the banana lobby and I didn’t want to follow them and their fansites in so I stopped walking and honglin turned back to wave at me ;;;;;;;;;;;;;; and i think i died again

and so I went back to the event space where summer and mirthe and meggi were waiting and sat down and blanked out sobs

but it diDNT END THERE FHDJFJJF FOR SOME REASON HONGLIN DECIDED TO WALK OUT AGAIN A BIT AFTER

so mirthe and I were like omg gotta blAST so we speedwalked over

and he :—-( saw and shot signs at my camera again fhdjfjfjjf I ???

and then it was Actually Over god I was a shell of a person after that

still am tbh I’m not sure how I survived sorting through our 2000+ fantakens fhdjfjfj

but I’m so spoiled y’all I’m really truly so spoiled by him :—(

like I said earlier he rly spoils his fans so much????

that night he posted on Instagram and immediately summer and meggi and mirthe and I commented and he replied all four of us ;n;

earlier on in spring semester there was a third party event that Tangram was invited to but the organiser was a MESS and tgm wasn’t treated very well??? but honglin was worried that the fans who travelled to the event and didn’t get to see them were upset so he came into the group chat to console them ;;;;;

and I was talking to another fan and she said that even during other events he kept turning around to wave at the fans and acknowledge them and it’s ;;;;;; as someone who has ?? waited in the rain / stood for hours waiting for idols something as simple as a nod or a smile rly warms u up and makes the wind and cold worth it ;;;; and he makes sure to do it all the time ;;;;;;;;;

on his birthday !! his birthday !! when he was in Taiwan and should be resting and enjoying time w his mum and not thinking about us !!!! he still came into the group chat for an hour and talked to us ;;;;;;

and he named all his sort of more well known fans’ IDs, even the ones who weren’t online and sending messages at the time ;;;;; like he rly wasn’t lying when he said he remembers us ;;;;

also fhdjfjfjjf god I’m so spoiled he replied me so many times ?? like there was the times sq thing and the east coast thing ???

and when he said he was training for the next archery competition I was like “o are u shooting recurve or compound this time?” and he was like “o idk if I shot recurve or compound but it’s the one I shot the last time” and I fhdjfjfjfhfb

tangential but 1) my god y’all his form is beautiful my archery heart: exploded

2) his rhotics are so beautiful too my phonology heart: also exploded

also when he was about to leave the gc I was like “huh but u just got here, why are you leaving?” and he sent another voice message “astrofireworks, why are you becoming shameless too, when did I just get here, I’ve clearly been here for a long time already” fhdjfjdjfn fhdjjd

also my GOD He was reading some IDs and summer and lyla were like what about @astrofireworks and I was like fchjfbhjdf y’all it’s ok he’s alr said it in another voice message two months ago in the gc I’m alr so spoiled I ???? rly shouldn’t ask anything else of him or he’s going to hate me

but then he

sent

a whole

nine second message

“hey astrofireworks, I hope one day I can go to New York and maybe... I’ll meet you there, okay?”

and I ??,?? Sobbed

ndjdbfjvcchhxhdhfh

and then Connie went to send him off at the airport in Taiwan the next day and ????? 

I’m not gonna say much because it’s rly conno’s story to tell and I’m not sure how much I’m allowed to say outside the gc but he rly spoils his fans so so so so much ????

anyway bei honglin rly and truly is the sweetest boy on earth we rly don’t deserve him ;;;;; this first week of June truly has been the best week of my cpop stan life and i ????? love mister bei honglin with my entire heart and soul ;;;;;;;;;;;;

[jungshookz]

ceo!yoongi - the wedding

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: ceo!au, the fluffiest fluff, humour, you look like a pRINCESS, a lil bit of n s f w, jungkook is a brat no surprise there

→ wordcount: 7.7k

→ notes: it’s hERE the big day!!!!!! i’m so happy that you guys like ceo!yoongi you blew my expectations for the response to this fic out of the water!!!! i had,,, such a good time writing this i fckin love weddings as you can tell i got a little carried away because this ‘“”””drabble”””’’ is nearly 8000 words long?? whoops ALSO i used google translate for the korean part so,,,,,,, if it’s not an accurate translation please don’t come for me i am SORRY 

if u wanna ask yoongs or y/n anything u know what to do ;-)

you’re getting married to min yoongi today. holy shit. 

(gif isn’t mine!) 

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

you’ve never felt more like a princess than in this moment

“not half bad” you mutter to yourself, turning a little and checking yourself out in the mirror

your gown is beaUtiful you got it custom made and everything and it even came with a VEIL

“oh my god,,,, i’m going to cry” jimin appears behind you in the mirror and he presses a hand to his chest “you don’t even look like yourself whERE are your mismatched socks”

“i couldn’t find a pair of socks to go with the heels” you joke and turn your head a little but the makeup artists turns your head back so she can dab a little more lipstick on your lips

yoongi hired like a miLLion stylists because he didn’t trust jimin to do your makeup and hair (and tbh jimin doesn’t trust himself to do your makeup and hair either lol)

a minute goes by before she decides you’re good to go but she fixes your veil a little and then dusts some glittery powered on your exposed chest and your shoulders

wow

you really are a disney princess now

“could you guys give us a second?” you give the many stylists a polite smile and they all agree and eventually file out of the room

you lift the dress up a little so you can step off the mini podium and jimin immediately rushes over to grab onto your shoulders

“…you’RE GETTING MARRIED TODAY”

“…I’M GETTING MARRIED TODAY”

“i can’t believe you’re getting married before me”

“i know!!! crazy stuff” you smile

“i’m so happy for you” jimin sniffles and you coo before leaning in to give him a hug but he stops you before you can hug him and you pull away clearly hurt

“you’re going to get glitter all over my suit and i dO not want that” but he leans in to kiss your cheek very very gently

“i miss yoongi” you pout and turn to look at yourself in the mirror (wat u look rly good okay)

you haven’t seen yoongi in like 24 hours because both of you had your bachelorette/bachelor parties and then it’s the whole ‘the bride and groom can’t see each other before the wedding’ thing so you and yoongi had your own hotel rooms :-(

of course jimin shared a room with you so it wasn’t that bad

“yoongi looks really good in his suit” jimin grins and stands next to you in the mirror “just to let you know”

“i-“ suddenly your phone vibrates on the table and you click-clack over in your heels to grab it

your face immediately lights up in a smile when you see who’s calling

“hey boss” you pick up the call and you hear yoongi’s raspy laugh on the other end

“hi, baby.”

“i miss u”

“i miss you too. i can’t wait to see you.”

you glance over your shoulder and jimin’s preoccupied with fixing the rose in his suit pocket

“i’m wearing the thigh garters and the lacy white panties you bought for me under my dress” you lower your voice a little so jimin can’t hear you

“oh yeah? quit trying to lure me out of my room - you’re the one who said we weren’t allowed to see each other” yoongi teases

you hear some commotion from yoongi’s end and you check the time on the clock

yep

it’s time

“i think that’s my cue. i’ll see you soon. i love you.”

“love you more” you whisper and then yoongi hangs up and you put your phone on the table

“i can’t believe you’re making me walk down the aisle with jungkook” jimin grumbles and fixes a strand of his hair

“we didn’t have enough bridesmaids!!” you giggle and jimin rolls his eyes before giving you a quick hug and another kiss on the cheek

“i’ll see you out there?” he raises his fist and you fist bump him gently and nod

once jimin leaves a second later your parents enter the room and your mom coos at how gorgeous her daughter looks on this wonderful day

“look at you!” she gasps and wraps you up in a hug and you laugh lightly

“never thought i’d see the day where you actually put in effort with how you look” your dad jokes and your mom smacks his arm in warning “you ready, champ?”

“as ready as i’ll ever be” you grab your bouquet off the chair and link arms with your mom

it’s only once you’re standing in front of the closed double doors that you realise you are noT as ready as you’ll ever be

your heart is going like a million miles per hour

and you didn’t think it would happen to you

but you have cold feet

what if you’re too young to get married?

maybe you and yoongi are diving into this relationship too quickly

like you’ve only been dating a couple months and that iS a pretty short time to date and then suddenly decide to get married

what if you turn into those couples who get married young and then eventually the spark disappears from the marriage and you guys turn into a bitter old couple stuck with each other forever

oh god

if you and yoongi divorce you’ll have to find another job and you don’t wANT to find another job

there was an opening at the damn sandwich station

you don’t want to spend the rest of your life making sandwiches with too much mayo and too little tuRKEY

you don’t want to be a LISA

lol shady

oH GOD

you are 110% not prepared when the wooden doors open slowly  

but the first thing you see is yoongi waiting for you at the end of the aisle

and oH

he looks so handsome in his crisp tux

and he has a red rose in his suit pocket

his hair is styled perfectly and he’s positively glowing

the venue itself is gorgeous too

fairy lights twinkling everywhere the rose gold and white go reaLLy well together 

the lights are the perfect level of dim and everything just looks so romantic and well put together 

everything is perfect

and this is the part where you’re supposed to start walking

…

okay

thIS is the part where you’re supposed to start walking

…

okay nOW

…

…

uh-oh

your feet feel like they’ve been glued to the ground and everyone’s just… staring at you

“you okay, honey?” your mom nudges your side gently and you’re snapped out of your thoughts

your mouth is all dry and you can’t open your mouth to say anything but you nod quickly

your heart is like exploding in your chest

of course your mother knows best and she can tell you’re like suPer nervous

“you know, i was pretty nervous before my wedding too.”

you immediately turn to look at her and you’re like …go on

“i thought i was too young to be getting married. thought i was ruining my life. i had so many things i wanted to do, so many things i wanted to see, and i thought getting married was going to hold me back. but… i loved your father so, so much. all those things that i wanted to do and all the things i wanted to see? i ended up doing those things with him right by my side. it’s your wedding - of course you’re nervous. but tell me - you see that man at the end of the aisle?”

you turn to look at yoongi and he’s staring at you with worry in his eyes because you stILL haven’t started walking and the crowd is getting a little antsy

“do you love him?”

“of course i love yoongi” you breathe out

you love yoongi with your entire heart

you love how sweet and caring he is like when you stay late with him and end up falling asleep at your desk and you always wake up with yoongi’s suit jacket around you to keep you warm

sometimes he carries you to the car and he’s sO gentle with you to make sure he doesn’t wake you up

you love how thoughtful he is like when he knows you’re having a bad day and surprises you with cookies or a pint of ice cream even though that’s the last thing he wants you to eat

you love how considerate he is like when you tell him an awful joke and he laughs anyway even though you’re like the least funny person in the entire world

and hello?? he’s so snuggly in the morning you loVe that

you love min yoongi.

“and you want to marry him?”

“more than anything else in the entire world”

“then what’s the problem?”

“...i don’t wanna trip down the aisle” you squeak out and your dad stifles a laugh before patting your arm gently

“c’mon, y/n. can’t keep your fiancé waiting.”

there seems to be this collective sense of relief in the crowd when you start walking and jimin reaches up to dab the bead of sweat lining his forehead before shooting yoongi a thumbs up

both you and yoongi are just staring at each other as you make your way down the aisle and yoongi can’t help but think about how fuckign lucky he is to be marrying you

you give your parents a hug and a kiss before they’re handing you over to yoongi

you wobble a little on your heels but yoongi grabs your hand before you can topple over thAnk god

yoongi lifts the veil up over your head and his heart flutters when he sees you smiling at him with rosy cheeks

“hi” you whisper quietly and yoongi smiles in response before brushing some of your hair back

the crowd takes a second to settle in and yoongi takes advantage of the rustling

“hi. you okay?”

you nod quickly and squeeze his hand “i love you”

his cheeks immediately warm and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips “love you more”

the two of you turn to face the priest

“dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of min yoongi and y/n y/l/n…”

the priest goes on and on and the entire time you and yoongs are just staring at each other and giving each other knowing looks like ‘good god, this is boring’

yoongi pinches your hand hard when it looks like you’re about to let out a yawn and you quickly suppress it when he gives you a warning look

finally it’s time to exchange vows and noW you know what you forgot this morning

your cue cards

you were never really good at improvisation so this… is going to be interesting

luckily the priest invites yoongi to go first so that gives you some time to come up with soMEthing  

“y/n. when we first met, i have to be honest - i did not like you. like at all.”

wow

it doesn’t get much better than that lol

“whA-“

“you insulted me in the elevator, you spilt coffee all over me, you kept forgetting to remind me when my meetings were scheduled, you nEver threw away your cookie wrappers-“

“okAy i think we get it” you scowl and everyone in the audience can’t help but laugh

how the hell are you getting roasted even at your own damn weDDing

yoongi smiles and squeezes your hand

“but even after all of this, somehow, someway, i fell in love with you.  i fell in love with the way you stumbled into my office every morning with a half-ass made cup of coffee, the way you were willing to stay late with me even though i know you would much rather go home and watch TV, the way your face lights up whenever i bought cookies for you... i knew you were the one for me the night that we kissed, and i wouldn’t want to have anyone else in the world help me tie my ties. y/n y/l/n, i loved you then, i love you now, and i’ll love you forever.”

aW that’s so cUTE you didn’t know yoongi had it in himself to say something that cheesy without puking

“i actually left my cue cards in the office. so. there’s that.” you clear your throat and give yoongi an apologetic look “i…” for a second you blank because you actually forgot what you had planned to say

bits and pieces are coming back to you but daNg it you spent like a week’s worth of lunch breaks writing them out

“yoongi. i also wasn’t a huge fan of you when we first met. no matter what i did, you’d always give me a look of disappointment and scold me for being a bad secretary. all i know is…”

fuck it

time to improvise

you clear your throat and stand up a little straighter

“all i know is that you’re the one i want to spend the rest of my life with. your beauty, heart, and mind inspire me to be the best person i can be. i feel truly blessed that out of all the people in the world - you chose me. you chose me, and i get to share my life with you, and you’ve chosen to share yours with me. you make me happier than i ever could imagine and more loved than i ever thought possible.” you clear your throat because you feel a lil lump growing in there

you’re not usually this emotional but

there’s just something about weddings

“…min yoongi, you are my person. you are my love and my life - today, and always.”

everyone bursts into applause when you finish and you can’t help but feel a sense of pride because everyone’s tearing up and also yOONgi’s eyes are gLASSY

and yoongi nEVer cries

and now it’s time to make it ~official~

“Min Yoongi. Do you take Y/N Y/L/N as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

yoongi’s never been so sure of anything in his entire life

“I do.” he slips a ring onto your trembling hand and you try your best to calm your nerves but you’re just sO happy

“Y/N Y/L/N. Do you take Min Yoongi as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or-“

“yES i dO” you reply a little too enthusiastically and the crowd bursts into a murmur of giggles

the priest smiles before gesturing for you to slip the ring onto yoongi’s finger

and…

“i now pronounce you man and wife. you may now kiss the bride.” yoongi immediately swoops down and plants his lips on yours and you instinctively wrap your arms around his neck when he places his hands on your hips to pull you closer

everyone’s cheering around you but all you can focus on is yoongi

it feels like you guys are the only ones in the room

“aLright you two save it for the honeymoon” jimin smacks you with your bouquet and you blush before pulling away but you still cling to yoongi

“i love you” you beam and yoongi leans down to give you another kiss

“love you more”

you and yoongi are all over each other at the reception

not like thAT but like in a more romantic lovey dove ooey gooey way

“we’re married” you giggle and nuzzle against yoongi’s neck and he reaches over to yank your chair closer to him

“we’re married” he repeats and holds your hand out so he can look at the twinkling ring on your finger

you pull away and look at him

“i made you cry”

“you did no such thing”

“i maDE you tear up” you tease and jab at his chest and yoongi swats your hand away

“there was dust in my eyes”

“there was nO dust anywh-“

clink clink clink

jimin’s suddenly standing up from his seat next to you and he’s clinking the side of his flute of champagne

“everyone! i’d like to make a toast.”

you turn your attention to jimin and woW your best friend looks especially handsome tonight!!!!

this lighting makes his skin look greAT

“first of all - congratulations to the newlyweds.” everyone applauds you and yoongi and the two of you give nods and smiles of acknowledgements “y/n and i have been friends for as long as i can remember. i’ve always been the one y/n goes to in times of need, i’ve always been her pizza/movie night buddy… but everything’s different now. boss, please take care of my girl for me, okay?”

“of course i will.” yoongi nods and you push your bottom lip out in a pout when you see jimin’s eyes glimmering

omg

your eyes are getting watery too

“okay. that’s all i have to say.” jimin’s voice wavers and then he sets down the microphone and you immediately get up and coo and wrap your best friend up in a big fat hUG

“mY babY!!!!!” you sniffle and press a kiss to jimin’s cheek and basically cling to him and you and jimin are off in your own little world and yoongi’s like ahEm i am your husband pls pay attention to me

“i wanna make a toast too!!!!” jungkook stands up and nearly knocks his chair over

clink clink CLONK

he clinks the side of his flute and it immediately shatters into a trillion pieces

“whoops” he blinks down at the shards of glass and then sets his flute down and picks up the microphone

“i’d just like to let everyone know that y/n herself said that if yoongi wasn’t in the picture she would’ve definitely ended up with me. yoongi - i can still steal your girl, so don’t piss me off”

“excuse me?” yoongi’s glare immediately makes the smile drop from jungkook’s face

in that moment he knew he fucked up

“nothingi’msorrysir”

so yeah everyone’s having a pretty good time

you break away from all the socialising to get yourself a drink

and the next thing you know you’re hearing jungkook over the loudspeakers and you’re like oh nO what is this punk what up to

“everyone! please help me welcome mr and mrs min for their first official dance as a married couple!”

o god

o gOD you forgot the first dance was a thing

obviously you like the part where you dance with yoongi but not the part where everyone like staRes at you dancing with yoongi

yoongi knows how much you hate crowds buT also he wants to show you off as his wife so u better get ur ass over here or he’ll literally drag you over

you end up getting nudged back to the dance floor by everyone and you whine quietly when yoongi takes your hand and pulls you in

“this is so embarrassing” you groan and yoongi laughs before wrapping his arms around your waist

“only you would be embarrassed at your own damn wedding”

you peek over yoongi’s shoulders and see literally evERyone staring at you and your cheeks flush instantly

“hey, look at me. it’s just you and me, hm?” yoongi presses his forehead against yours and you crinkle your nose in responsethe two of you dance for a little while longer and you want to stay in the moment forever because yoongi’s whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you are just so so SO in love with him

he has his arms wrapped tightly around your waist and your arms are dangling loosely around your waist

occasionally he’ll swoop down to give you a small kiss but he keeps it PG because you do have an audience after all and he’s not about to make out with you in front of ur parents lol

finaLLy the slow song switches back to a pop song and everyone floods the dance floor once again and you’re like phEw but also kinda bummed out at the same time because you wanted to slow dance with ur mans for a little while longer you felt like you were at prom lol

cutting the cake had to be the most fun part because you got to smash it into yoongi’s face

“y/n, i swear to god, this suit was sO expensive if you get onE dollop of cream-“ yoongi doesn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because you’re suddenly pushing the slice of cake right into his face and everyone bursts into laughter at the sight

yoongi staggers back and is like :0000000!!!!!!!!!! and he wipes the chunks of cake off his face and off his precious suit before glaring at you and you’re like uh-oh

and then you realise he’s not actually mad because he’s lunging for you grabbing your face and pulling you in for a FAT kiss

you squeal because cake is getting all over your face but you kiss yoongi back anyway and giggle against his lips

and of course yoongi gets his revenge because he digs his gruBBy hand into the cake and you’re like N O   W A IT

anyways you end up getting cake all over your chest and yoongi gets it all over his suit but you both clean up to the best of your abilities

the party finALLY gets started and all you have to say is that your friends and family get wild sOoo quickly

everyone here has obviously taken advantage of the endless cocktails

people are jamming out on the dance floor

some people are enjoying drinks by the bar

jimin dragged yoongi off somewhere so you’ve kind of just been hopping from table to table thanking people for coming

“joon you look so handsome tonight!!!! thank u for coming!!” you bend down and wrap an arm around him to give him a hug from behind before pinching his cheek and sitting down in the empty seat next to him

“of course i had to come to my favourite coffee-thief’s wedding” he teases and takes a sip of his champagne “also this champagne is like reALLy good”

“right??? it’s the really bougie stuff i almost picked the one with real gold flakes in it but i resisted because i don’t want to completely destroy yoongi’s wallet”

the two of you end up chatting for a little while longer before suddenly jimin appears out of nowhere and drags you out of your chair

“wOah where are you taking me???” before you know it you’re being plopped down on a chair in the middle of the rOOm and there’s a crowd around you

and when you turn to face the front you see your husband walking over to you

you immEdiately feel warmth ziP down to your nether regions

he’s taken off his suit jacket and his tie and he’s unbuttoned a couple buttons on his shirt anD he has his sleeves rolled up and holy shit did it suddenly just get warm in here or what

you can tell he’s a little tipsy because he has a lazy smirk on his face and his eyes are kind of cloudy

“hi baby” yoongi cups your jaw before bending down and pressing his lips against yours

he tastes faintly of beer and mint

“how much did jimin give you to drink?” you giggle and push at his chest gently then watch as he drops to his knees in front of you

and the way he looks up at you with dark eyes makes your insides melt

it takes a second for you to realise what’s actually happening

the thigh garter

the crowd goes wild when yoongi’s head suddenly disappears under your dress and you feel his hands grip at your knees before pushing them apart so he can wiggle himself in between them

“yOongi!” you gasp quietly when you feel him nip at your inner thigh

he’s definitely noT supposed to go this far up

your face is on fire at this point but yoongi’s having the time of his life and everyone else seems to be into it

you feel him press a trail of warm kisses from the inside of your knee all the way to your inner thigh

and then he’s taking your garter in between his teeth and slowly pulling it down your leg

a bunch of cheers and whoops echo around the room when yoongi crawls out from under your dress with the lacy garter in his mouth

he smirks up at you and your cheeks heat up and you quickly shuT your legs

he ruffles his hair quickly to fix it before getting up off his knees and immediately tossing the garter into the eager crowd of mEN

you’re not surprised that jimin is the one who catches it (he shoved like three other guys out of the way) and you’re like alREADY planning his bachelor party for him in your head

yoongi’s like the last person you think of when you think of ’dance floor’ so when he suddenly drags you towards it while you’re in the middle of getting another glass of champagne you’re like genuinely shook

jungkook and jimin and all ya friends are all bopping on the dance floor and you feel yoongi grab your wrist before he’s twirling you around in a circle

you stumble into his chest and giggle before wrapping your arms around his neck loosely

“what has gotten into you!!!!” you’re not complaining at all you’re a huGE fan of this loosey-goosey yoongi

“i’m just really happy that’s all” he murmurs and leans down a little to give you a kiss

“yeah? you’re just really happy?” you giggle when yoongi abandons your lips and instead decides to begin planting kisses down your neck before biting down playfully on your shoulder

“i think we should go and consummate our marriage as soon as possible” yoongi purrs into your ear as he sways the two of you back and forth “our suite is ready for us”

the whole thigh garter thing put him in a certain mood

“we can’t just leave our own party” as muCh as you want to leave it would just be rude!!

“it’s not like anyone’s going to notice with jungkook dancing on the bar like a madman” you look over and sure enough there’s jungkook jumping up and down on the bar while the poor bartender’s just trying to do his job

of course

because he’s min frickin yoongi

a Professional Businessman Who Is Good At Convincing People To Do Things For Him

he convinces you to leave your own damn party

the two of you manage to sneak out but not before jimin rushes over with yoongi’s suit jacket and tie and your phone and tells the two of you to have fun wink wonk

yoongi slips into his suit jacket and leaves his tie hanging around his neck and then he’s grabbing your hand and the two of you are slipping out the back door

and now it’s just the sound of your heels and yoongi’s dress shoes clicking against the marble floor while the two of you practically sprint down the hallway in a fit of giggles

“can’t you move any faster?? you’re wasting my time here woman” yoongi groans playfully and you’re like this dress is like fiVe pounds and these heels are like six inches what do you expect me to dO

“take your heels off then”

“u know what that is a very good idea yoongs” you bend down and step out of your heels before picking them up

and the next thing you know you’re being swept off your feet and thrown over yoongi’s shoulder like a sack of damn potatoes

“jEsUs-“ you shriek in surprise and yoongi smacks your bum over your dress as he walks the two of you into the elevator “u know there are more romantic versions of doing this”

you’re getting red from all the blood rushing to your head and yoongi chuckles before bending over to let you get back onto your feet

“alright, fine. i’ll try to be more romantic just for you.” yoongi grabs your arm and wraps it around his neck before he’s lifting you up and carrying you bridal style just like how u wanted

you coo and lean in to kiss his cheek before you’re holding your left hand out and admiring the glimmering wedding ring on your finger

“i’m married” you beam and watch the ring reflect under the light

“wow, me too. what a coincidence!” yoongi replies sarcastically and you pinch his cheek before taking the room key out of his breast pocket

yoongi lets you back down onto your feet after the elevator door opens and he’s not surprised that the first thing you do is basically scream rACE U TO THE ROOM and you zip down the hall

yoongi laughs when he sees you stumble a little and then chases after you

unsurprisingly he catches up to you right as you reach the doors

it’s hard to unlock the door to the suite with yoongi nipping at your shoulder and very subtly grinding into your bum and you giggle and swat his wandering hands away before finally pushing the door open and wOW

how did they fit a damn chandelier in here??

your heels fall to the floor with a clatter and you walk in even further and there’s a golden cart sitting by the couch with chocolate covered strawberries and champagne with goLD flakes in them and um??? ARE THOSE

ARE THOSE YOUR VENDING MACHINE COOKIES

you gasp and nearly trip over your dress as you stumble over to the cart and yoongi’s like i should’ve hID the food cart damnit because it’s pretty obvious you’re not in the fuck me mood you’re in the fuck me uP WITH THIS FOOD mood

you plop down on the couch and it bounces underneath your weight and yoongi can’t help but laugh because you’re like drowning in your dress you kinda look like a cupcake

he sits down next to you and pulls the food cart towards him

“what a perfect way to end the night” you sigh happily and yoongi turns and is like what do u mean end the night pls tell me we’re not ending our night like thIS

you reach over to nab a cookie while yoongi pops the cork off the champagne

some of it flows out from the top and yoongi shakes it off his hand before pouring some into the two flutes

he hands you a glass and you take a sip and your eyes roll to the back of your head because that is sO good

you watch yoongi underneath the dim light of the chandelier and watch as his adam’s apple bobs after he takes a sip

fuck

he looks good

you snap yourself out of it and your attention turns to the food

“gimme a strawberry” you poke yoongi’s side before shuffling a little closer to your husband

yoongi rolls his eyes playfully and sets his flute down before bending forward a little and choosing the biggest strawberry for you

“here you go, you big baby” you giggle and as yoongi raises the strawberry to your mouth  

you take a bite of it and he pops the other half into his mouth

he raises his hand and his fingertips are stained with melted chocolate and he turns to look for a napkin because he is not about to stain his suit with chocolate

and what he’s definitely nOt expecting is for you to take his hand and bring it to your mouth

o,,,,,oh m,.,my

you wrap your lips around yoongi’s pointer finger and pull away with a pop

and then you’re taking his thumb into your mouth and sucking gently before you pull away and wipe the corner of your mouth and yoongi swallows thickly

“there you go, all clean” you murmur shyly and that,,,, was.,.,. the hottest thing he thinks he’s ever seen in his entire life “gimme another one”

yoongi raises another one to your mouth and when you go to bite it he pulls it away and smirks

you see the playful glint in his eyes and you go for the bite again and he pulls it away aGain

“yoongi!!!” you whine and pout and yoongi grins at you with his gummy smile and cocks his head

“what? come and get it” yoongi holds the berry in between his teeth and points to it and you immediately scramble over to take a bite

before you get the chance to do that yoongi spits the berry out quickly so you end up kissing him instead

and you could technically pull away and grab a berry from the plate yourself but like

making out with yoongi is always nice

“that was sneaky” you mutter into the kiss and yoongi hums in response

his hands are starting to wander

you feel one hand disappear under your dress and the other moves to your back to tug at the zipper of the dress

you jump when you feel yoongi’s hand give your ass a good squeeze and dang now your dress is fully unzipped and is starting to slide off your shoulders

“waiT wait” you pant and push yourself away from yoongi

“what’s the matter?”

“i wanna go to the bedroom i’m not letting u fuck me on a couch on our first night as a married couple r u kidding me”

touché

yoongi groans impatiently and flops onto his back on the plush bed because once you get the bedroom ur like okay give me a minute i need to pee

what!!! he’s a man with simPLE neeDS

he just wants to make love to his wife okay!!!!!!!!

yoongi doesn’t know how he forgot this detail but when you emerge from the bathroom dressed in a very vERy sexy pair of lacy bra and panties that he bought for you to wear especially for tonight he’s suddenly like lol the wait was woRth it omg

“like it?”

it came with this short silky robe that’s slipping off one of your shoulders as you approach him

yoongi swears his mouth is watering

“like it? i fucking love it.”

holy fuck

you are

so

sO

hot

you giggle because you’ve never seen yoongi so flustered before

you straddle him and his hands are like hovering over your hips

you’ve worn lingerie for him before but tonight you look extra ravishing

you look at him and his eyes flicker up to from your boobs (he can’t help it they’re like right in his face okay) to your face

his eyes are all dark and blown out and he places his hands on your hips before giving you a squeeze and taking his bottom lip in between his teeth

“fuck, look at you...” even after all this time you have to admit you still get blushy when yoongi sees you wearing lingerie just for him

now you’RE the one who’s flustered  

once he gets the flimsy robe off of you and tosses it to the ground you instinctively cover yourself up but yoongi grabs your wrists before you can do that and he holds them behind your back with one hand

“c’mere” yoongi rasps, hooking a finger under your chin and pulling you down towards him so he can kiss you

when he lets go of your wrists you immediately reach up and start undoing his buttons as he peels his suit jacket off and tosses it somewhere

“you gonna make love to me now?” you feel yoongi unclasp your bra before he’s helping you take his shirt off

“cheesy,” he teases “but yes, i’m going to make love to you now”

you never know why yoongi buys so much lingerie for you because they all end up on the floor like -5 seconds after you show it to him

“fuck, fuck, that’s it, you’re so good for me” yoongi pants and tilts his head up in pleasure because you feel sO tight and soft and warm around him “you’re a-all mine,” he grunts and thrusts into you again and it hits thAt spot inside of you making you cry out

“yours, i’m yours,” you moan and yoongi wants to fall apart when he hears you whimper an ‘i belong to you’ into his ear

he intertwines his fingers with yours before leaning down to plant his lips on yours

it’s reminiscent of the night he proposed to you because he feels your ring biting into the sides of his fingers when you squeeze his hand

the only difference is that now it’s a wedding ring instead of an engagement ring

yoongi wraps his fingers under your thigh and hitches it up against his waist

and he can’t help but look down at where the two of you are connected and he watches himself disappear into you as he thrusts

“shit, baby, don’t squeeze like that” yoongi warns you and you apologise quietly before you nudge your nose against his and kiss him

it only takes another minute or so before you start feeling warmth bubbling inside of you

“yOon- ’m not gonna- please let me c-cum i’m so close”  

yoongi bites down on your shoulder hard when he feels you dig your nails into his back

the bed starts to creak underneath the two of you but yoongi literally does not give a shit because all he can focus on is getting you to cum

his fingers are rubbing figure-8s on your clit while he’s hitting the sweet spot inside of you over and over and ovEr again and you think your soul actually leaves your body when you finally are pushed over the edge

it’s just the sound of your guys’ moans and groans and skin on skin echoing around the room

“i- ah! i love you i l-love youiloveyouiloveyou” you’re crying out yoongi’s name and he just wants to hear you cry out his name on loop for the rest of his liFE

“love you- fuck - love you m-more” yoongi lets out the most guttural groan when he cums and you feel him spurt inside of you as he rides out both of your orgasms

yoongi leans back on his heels and pulls out of you slowly and you immediately clench around nothing

“pretty little pussy n it’s all mine” yoongi mutters more to himself than to you and you immediately blush and clamp your legs shut because you never know what to say when yoongi says something like thAt

“nuh-uh, don’t get shy on me now, you minx” yoongi pries your legs apart with a grin and slots himself in between them again before leaning down to give you a sweet kiss

anyways you and yoongi end up having sex like three more times that night because you guys can’t get enough of each other and each time you finish your hormones are like lol nopE let’s do this AGAIN

thank god the walls here are thick otherwise you’d get many many noise complaints

you wake up early the next morning and find yourself snuggled up to yoongi

you unravel his arm from around your waist and sit up before stretching out your limbs

you pull the sheets up so that it’s covering your chest and you turn to look at your snoozing husband

he’s still glowing from last night and his lips look so soft and pouty

his eyelashes cast a shadow over his cheeks

he looks so beautiful in the soft glow of the morning light

you’ve never been more in love with him than at this moment

your eyes trail down his face to his bare chest until they reach his left hand and your heart warms at the sight of a silver ring wrapped around his ring finger

your heart flutters in your chest because you are no longer ms y/l/n you are now mrs min

wow

you guys are married

you’re his wife

he’s your husband

holy shit

he stirs underneath you and you wait for him to open his pretty brown eyes

“good morning, mr min” you have your chin propped up on your folded hands and yoongi wraps his arm tighter around you before yawning and stretching his limbs out

“good morning, mrs min” his voice is low and raspy from just waking up but he reaches down to poke your nose gently “…how long have you been watching me sleep, you creep?”  

ah

who says romance is dead?

next week you guys are flying to yoongi’s hometown daegu for a traditional korean wedding

which you’re reALLy excited for because you’ve always loved learning about different cultures and traditions

and hello??? the hanbok you’re going to be wearing is a deep purple colour and you love that

plus you’ve been brushing up on your korean lately and you’re preTTY much fluent at this point

(not rly)

you know what though you realised that you can pretty much get away with anything as long as you keep saying 네 [yes]

“shouldn’t you be working right now? i’m not your tutor” yoongi snorts when you stumble into his room with a bunch of korean textbooks clutched to your chest

“listen liSten i’m like basically fluent now okay just have a conversation with me i promise u i will be able to hold a basic conversation” you sit down across from him and yoongi leans forward on his folded arms on the desk

“okay, fine. 안녕하세요.” [hello.]

“안녕하세요!!!!!!!!!!!” [hello!!!!!!!!!!!] you say hello a little too enthusiastically and yoongi chuckles at how cute you are

you have a slight accent (obviously) and he thinks it’s just the cuTEST thing ever

“잘지냈어요?” [how are you?]

“좋은. 그리고 너?” [good. and yourself?]

yoongi figures maybE he can have a little fun with this

“좋은, 고맙습니다. 너 쿠키를 가져간거야?” [good, thank you. are you okay with me taking your cookies away?]

your eyes widen a little in surprise because whaT did he just say,,,.,,,

okay don’t panic

“…네”

“오! 좋은. 또한 점심 시간을 없애고 있습니다.” [oh! good. also, i’m taking your lunch break away.]

“…네…”

“너는 더 이상 지민을 볼 수 없다.” [you’re not allowed to see jimin anymore.]

um

okay you heard jimin in there somewhere

maybe he’s asking you if you like jimin???

“네!”

“나는 리사와 결혼하고 너와 이혼하고있어..” [i’m marrying lisa and divorcing you]

your brows immediately furrow because did he just mention,,, liSA

you don’t know what he said but if lisa’s in there it can’t be good

“아니!” [no!]

“i think you might need to brush up on your korean a little more” yoongi smirks and tilts his head before gesturing to the door “go back to work, jagi”

“why!!!!!!!!!!! my korean’s like noT half bad”

“really? because you just agreed for me to take your cookies away, take your lunch break away, and you’re no longer allowed to see jimin. at least you said no to me marrying lisa and divorcing you. i have a conference call, you gotta get outta here” yoongi gets up from his chair before placing a hand on the small of your back and nudging you towards the door

“wha- that’s SO unfair you know i only know the basics you can’t just do that!!!!!“ yoongi opens the door for you

“sure i can! you agreed to all of it. 키스 [kis-su], please.”

okay at least you know what that means

you cup yoongi’s jaw and pull him down to give him a lil kiss and he taps your bum

“waiT wait i have something else to say” you turn around before yoongi can push you out

“what is it noW”

he’s expecting you to swear at him or say something dumb but instead you wrap your arms around his waist and prop your chin up on his chest to look up at him

“사랑해~” [i love you]

and yoongi’s heart grows like a triLLION TIMES BIGGER YOU ARE SO CUTE

“너를 더 사랑해.” [love you more]

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

dan made me do it

(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)

So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time

I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)

So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?

So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...

& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?

I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!

So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...

So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??

I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...

I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!

I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?

I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!

(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)

In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):

Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...

I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)

(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)

[muslimsonic]

ADHD: Executive Dysfunction

Alright, so I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff about how people struggle with understanding what ADHD is, how it operates, and how it differs from the experiences of the middle 50% [25%-75%] considered the average. And I didn’t research ADHD for 9 hours straight not to dump all of this here.

Note: I have ADHD, I’ve researched this, but I am not a medical professional blah blah blah ok now onto the fun interesting stuff!!!! 

I put this under a cut bc its,,,, longish.

What is executive functioning?

Executive functioning is what carries you from day to day tasks. It’s like the constantly active personal assistant in the back of your head. Let’s call them Effie. Effie constantly makes lists and breaks down tasks for you! I don’t mean large projects, I mean the simple stuff!

Like doing your laundry.

If you have ADHD, or anything with executive dysfunction as an issue, then you probably already know that the simple stuff hardly ever feels simple.

Doing your laundry requires many motions, most of which you omit in listing what you must do to complete this task.

Someone with executive functions in working order, probably

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

2. Put the laundry in the washing machine

3. Put the detergent in the machine

4. Turn on the machine

5. When it is ready, put the clothes in the dryer

6. Collect the clothes when finished

7. Take them back to your room

8. Fold and put away

Tada! All done. There are quite a few steps omitted that you would consider givens. However, try and apply this precise list to someone with executive dysfunction, and you will most likely not have the same success, because of the number of places where steps conflict, being thrown out in favor of what is done immediately. Here’s a small idea of how many cracks are in this plan, even at step one:

1. Take the laundry basket/bin/thing to the washing machine

When?> I’ll do it after I finish what I’m doing > Oh no I just remembered something else > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes for work/school/whatever > MISSION FAILED

When?> Someone else is using the washing machine now, i’ll do it later > What did I forget to do? > Oh no now I have no clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

Why? > I have enough clothes right now, I’ll be fine > Oh no I ran out of clean socks + underwear > MISSION FAILED

What?> There’s no detergent so I can’t do this  > (at the grocery store) I think i have everything! > Oh no i forgot detergent > I have no clean clothes :( > MISSION FAILED

When?> I have too much free time so I’ll do it after I take care of this other thing that’s equally important > Oh no I forgot to do my laundry I don’t have anything to wear > MISSION FAILED

In what order? > There’s too much to do and they are all registered in my head as permanently equal priority so I have to do them all at the same time, but I can’t do them all at the same time, so I physically am unable to proceed until this loop/error is resolved.

What extra steps are involved?> Huh i know i have to take my laundry to the washing machine, but there’s also stuff in the washing machine area/on the way there that needs to be moved in order to do it, but I haven’t thought of that, instead seeing metaphorically an indistinct looming mass of extra equal priority work around taking my laundry to the washing machine > I don’t do it > MISSION FAILED

And that’s only a few of the cracks in step one.

See the problem?

Let’s take a closer look at how deep it goes. Do you know how much you rely on executive functioning in your day to day life? Yes? No? How did you get out of bed this morning? How did you open your eyes? Everything you do, even running away from something chasing you, is dependent on executive functioning. Memory. Recall. Starting anything, and I mean anything. Breaking down what needs to be done. You’re so used to it, you see a lot of the steps as givens not needed to be stated. When do you do this? What priority level is this? Every success you’ve had in your life, you would not have had without your executive functioning.

It’s the messenger, sending signals from the hub, recall this, you have to do this, this task is more important than this, this is what you’re going to do. It translates thought into action, idea into concept into reality. It’s the Director, streamlining things, going into crisis management when you make a major mistake or fail to do something, or have something due, or or or. Granted, executive functions aren’t the be all end all of human success, but they are to you as a foundation is to a building.

Scary to think what would happen if it just

stopped.

You could think all you want, of course. You need to do this. You want to do that. You scream and rail and fight against a prison of your own unresponsive limbs.

There’s nothing physically wrong with your limbs. They are in perfect working order. Or at least as working as they had been before. There’s no reason for you to feel like this. You feel like your brain is setting itself on fire in its attempts to send it messages to get a response any kind of fucking response. You feel hopeless. You gain no mental traction. You gain nothing but your own hatred and frustration and gain the same of others too.

Because they think you’re faking it. That you just don’t want to do it hard enough. That you just need to apply yourself.

The thing is, you’ve been trying. Your mind is a car in a swamp, uselessly running its wheels to no avail, sinking deeper and deeper into the muck. You are straining as hard as you possibly can. There’s no more gas in the tank. You have nothing left to give.

And you have nothing to show for it.

In this hell, you’ve accomplished nothing. You’ve succeeded at nothing. Nothing you do, nothing you say, and nothing you want can ever happen in this moment.

You almost feel like dying. But you can’t. You can’t, not because of will to live, not because of hope, and not because of love, but because you cannot get your limbs to remember what motion is, your brain to remember the past, and your heart to remember restraint. Frustration, anger, hatred, all of the ugliest emotions the soul has to offer spill over. You feel like you can never be happy again. That you’ve never felt happy before. That this awful feeling crawling into the crevices of your lungs and trachea and curling its way around your stomach and spleen is what you will feel like for the rest of your life.

And then you forget. You forget everything that got you to that point. the wave recedes. you feel nothing. you remember only blurs of what occurred at best. only to experience the same fucking thing again, and again, and again and its always as raw and drowning as the first time you felt it, you never grow used to it, and it will never stop, it will never cease, and no one believes you when you say you are trying. You are a soul inside a vessel that doesn’t want to be yours.

anyways! while this may seem like an extreme, the last few paragraphs are a pretty solid descriptor of how living with executive dysfunction feels like! this is also a solid reason why people with ADHD are more likely to have anxiety and depression! the same thing is characteristic of people with disorders that have executive dysfunction as a symptom!

so TL;DR: Executive Dysfunction is not the same as laziness; it is a fundamental difference in the brain structure and wiring or a deficiency in neurotransmitter production.

speaking of that, moving onto the physiological side of executive dysfunction! Yes! There’s actually a physiological side to ADHD! Pretty sure that’s a characteristic of all brain disorders illnesses and the like but people still say its fake! :D

ok i’m getting tired so heres the rundown:

lower catecholamine levels: catecholamine is a class of neurotransmitter that includes fun stuff like

Dopamine: the motivation sauce

Seratonin: Happy Happy Happy

Adrenaline: you put this in epipens. fight or flight

Noradrenaline: also fight or flight. includes attention as well. at higher levels, anxiety. Thanks, God.

Its bad. bc the body’s natural reward system (dopamine) isn’t at normal levels, the nice little feel good kick after you make your bed or brush your teeth?? nope!!!!!!! Thus there is little internal motivation to do anything. WOW!!! How did adhd get passed down in the gene pool???? is it recessive?? bc im rly at a loss. idk someone with a medical degree in brain science dm me abt it. I rly need to understand.

Also the frontal lobe, y’know the thing controlling judgment, morals, impulses, emotions, all of that fun stuff???? it’s usually behind in development, typically evening out mid to late twenties, but its still,,,,, not Great. Wow!!

White matter abnormalities are apparently a thing too?? White matter is the brains messaging system so when that’s messed up I’m pretty sure thats not a good thing.

anyways, i’m tired now, its been 2 hrs since i’ve started writing this and I have a metric ton of things that I needed to start but didn’t, so

TL;DR: ADHD (and by further extent, executive dysfunction)has a basis in science and has physiological stuff associated with it that (i think since MRIs aren’t being used to diagnose adhd) is just being studied recently, and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh google exists use it b4 getting into arguments abt the existence of disorders and such. plz. im begging you.

[royalblurryfacedbastard]

Today was cool!

BR didn’t show up so it was just me n HR but that was fine. We talked abt Kyle Mac (my favorite actor rn) a lot and we laughed abt stuff and it’s just rly nice to hang out w her.

We also talked abt sexuality things and how we define ourselves which was just a nice moment in general.

We didn’t have much to do til after lunch when we were supposed to teach the two younger boys from yesterday some new things but it was kinda hard bc BR wasn’t there to translate stuff. Luckily their brother or at least someone they’re familiar with was there so he helped out a bit. I drew them two pictures they could color in at home and so maybe we’ll get to see that tomorrow.

After work I talked to the guy from the meeting yesterday (rly hot) and he asked abt my school bc he wants to go there, he didn’t get in but he’s on reserves so he’ll probably get in eventually. I said we’ll probably meet next semester and he was like “I hope”. Wow.

Anyways, me and HR went to this ice cream/pizza place and bought ice cream and then we just sat there for like. One and a half hour just talking abt stuff. That was super nice tbh. I also found out she’s got a crush on BR which I do too?? Idk I’m gonna confess to him soon just to see his reaction and also bc that’s how I make crushes go away. So yes. But I mean I kinda had a feeling she liked him so I guess I was right abt it.

Now that I’m finally home I’m gonna First of All take a nap and then I’ll eat dinner and probably go sleep again. Yes. And then tomorrow’s the last day of work for me and BR. Good stuff.

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[theday]

mx in sg: the experience

FHJGDGHSHGFGGHD as usual starting off with the keyboard smash anyway! ill be talking about my experience seeing mx live yesterday (3/3) second part is abt when mx were on stage but its quite dry bc i dont remember much

ill be going in chronological order so [jooheon voice] lets get it

i was gonna meet my friend (karissa) at 3:30 because we were going to meet the person selling us our tickets at 4pm but that got delayed until like 5pm which was fine though

anyway i met her and we started queueing because although official queuing was supposed to start at 6pm they pushed it forward to 3pm (which was unfortunate for those who were busy and couldnt come until much later - the organizer never released an official statement saying the queuing started earlier) 

so as soon as karissa and i arrived at like. the place (near the venue) we got lost for about a whole 5 minutes lmao so i texted james asking him where the hell . they were and we made it and joined the queue immediately (we were the last few people of the second batch) 

we just sat there and. collected freebies and our banners (for the fan events) while we waited for the seller to come give us our tickets 

when they came i was like . fucking screaming because one of the seller was someone i knew from primary school (4 years ago) and i was likeudghdgghdhsh??????? that was the highlight of the daydhfhs

after we bought the tickets and shit we were slightly concerned they wouldnt work lmao but they did god bless

while we waited for the doors to open and stuff a group of people did dance covers of mx songs and later other groups too everyone was cheering for them which was nice fgfghdgh

the hype died down and we just waited quietly until it hit 6pm and i started listening to the day6 stream LMAO but after 4 songs i had to stop because suddenly everyone was standing up?? 

for nothing though because we sat down like 30 minutes later at around 7? 7:30? everyone stood up again and this time people were given wrist tag things u kno.. ya there were three (?) kinds i think gold for those who held a superfan ticket, pink for general admission and some other colour for those who got tickets for free and could sit on chairs dhdghs 

it was a free standing event in an outdoor space so superfan ticket holders got to stand closer to the stage? and those with general admission had to stand behind us and it was separated by a barricade 

we entered at like 8pm because we were the second batch (there was a third batch behind us) and it was already filled?? not exactly but from where we were standing we couldn’t really see the stage 

in the end we were in the middle which wasnt exactly the best but its definitely better than those standing all the way at the back rip 

i think at like 7:45 they started playing the music videos and everyone was shouting the lyrics it was cute i loved it but my throat told me to die after i yelled for like all of their mvsjhdgdghd 

also when all in played u bet my ass i jumped up and downdhg

also water wasnt allowed inside which i think is normal so i chugged mine down as fast as i could before entering (i had a little left and the lady let me in with it thanks queen) (i drank it all before they even came on stage)

the hype was real though and it was great 

when it hit 8:30pm the introduction video started and suddenly i was getting pushed forward and wow . dont go if ur not a fan of people invading your personal bubble. i wish fans had more sense to Not push around and stuff but what can we do rip 

other than that when they came out oh gOD when they came out i was likebfhgddgs??!?!??!?! i had to stand on my tip toes to see them

they started with beautiful and i was liek. dissociating i jsut sang along and shit it was amazing?????? 

the first person i saw was kihyun and then minhyuk?? i dont remember who else i saw but iw ss losing my fucking mind over how good everyone looked

anyway after that was um.............. fuck. .... i dont know..........

IFMFHGHSGF IM CRYING MY BRAIN TOLD ME TO DIE

white love maybe? i think they did like an introduction of themselves ??

anyway ill figure the songs out later they started playing games i think or was that another time im bad at this clearly 

ask james for the details of the songs i dont remember shit from that i just remember singing along to the songs badly and moving my arm back and forthhfgsgh 

also team work makes the dream work because karissa was recording and i helped her to zoom in and ensure they looked human with the brightness and stuff fhjdgsgh 

but !! everyone did the fanchants really well it was so heartworming 

also during white love they made us do that one part u know the one and it was awesome!!!!! during white sugar they threw m&m’s and i got to get a good look at their faces without having to look at the screen!! 

honestly was good too god im so happie 

hm. they did a mon-story time and showed us pics from previous eras (trespass > i dnt remmeber fuck > beautiful world tour > mxray > first win) ?? might be wrong dghdgs and they talked about stuff that happened i blanked out though so i dont know what they said 

also when they flashed the first win part they started throwing hands @ each other usual mx shit dhjgsgd

we chanted monsta x and they chanted monbebe back at us :-( i love them

i think changkyun said he doesnt wnat to do another season of mxray LMAODHFGHHGS fucking loser 

the translator made me laugh he was super monotone fhgdghfsh

then they played mon-ccaso dghghfsh and drew what they wanted to eat with singaporean mbb!!

there was a bug in front of wonho and he got !!!! fhdgh cute .

shownu: ????? what was it ?? a drink it looked like a cocktail and kihyun was like “non alcoholic” dghffsgs

wonho: ice cream!!! hes so cute his drawing was so cute also he wrote monbebe before they announced the game his handwriting is so pretty tf

minhyuk: ramyeon lmao (in his words: traditional korean noodles) 

kihyun: uh oH HE DREW A CRABFGHGSHS and said chili and pepper crab!!!

hyungwon: he drew a shrimpfhggdgs fucking . it was so cute

jooheon: mandu!! or dumplings :D

changkyun: water. JHDHGDGSG KING HONESTLY IW AS LIKE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT!! love me a water stan 

anyway they talked about what they drew and when it came to minhyuk’s turn he was like guess and everyone just shit on him DHJDHSHG 

some examples: “hair” Gghdhg and some fans (including me) screamed cucumberhjfghgs let this man live 

minhyuk also tried to make fun of jooheons drawing but it failed bc none of us understood his joke

so they made us vote by screaming and they each stood up while holding their sketchbooks and we’d scream

winner was changkyun (i yelled my heart out and jumped bitch)

FHGSGG W INNER HAD TO DO AEGYO THOUGHDG played urself

they did oppaya and i think there are fancams somewhere

then they made wonho do it hhdggs best 1 minute of my life

after that was uhh??????? brain machine broke i dont know im not even going in order anymore

they either did from zero first or the fan videos were shown first

if so the fan videos were of fans talking about how much they love/appreciate mx and it was sweet after that we raised our banners for the fan vid

and then the CAKE came for wonho and we sang happy birthday to wonho (kihyun asked us to sing once too at the start hjdghgsg we did that in english this time it was in korean) 

also funny hfgdhgs thing... they talked in korean and a lot of people replied in korean so they got shockedhfgh FUCJ DAY6 ok safe im listening now

i think they (minhyuk?) asked who thought/if he was handsome and got rly happie when we said yea

after him someone asked too LOLJHDGSG

back 2 whatever fdsh um oh yeah the cake was done to look like ramyeon in a pot :D ill add a link

wonho cut himself with the knife D-: babie 

he kept wanting to eat it though so hopefully he liked it 

maybe after that they did from zero???? ufhffghsgghdg idk

after that was hero!!!!!!! god we were all so pumped 

shine forever next 

and then they stopped to take a break i thinkfhgshgd 

at some point they asked fans (a jooheon stan and a wonho one) what songs they liked :-D the jooheon one said beautiful and the other said ill be there if im not wrong

they also made the rappers sing bits from some songs hfgsg i dont remember which songs tho hdhs

changkyun tried his besthjdg

they did their ending ment and went to dramarama!! 

after that it was silent for like 5 minutes max as we chanted mx and for encore

they came out and did ill be there (?) (first verse to chorus) and talked again before doing 5:14! 

they were dressed in casual tshirts which was a relief hjghgdh because it was reallly fuckng hot hdh changkyun mentioned the weather too sorry dude thats life

they waved at fans and played amongst themselves kihyun dumped water on jooheon LMAO i got a clear view of that

stay hydrated !

they just kept dumping water on each other i love a family :-D

and then they said bye and left

jooheon kept going byEE though dhgdhs hes so cute :-( 

ok heres what i thought abt the monstas themselves

kihyun looked especially good with that tie by the way 

jesus i got to see wonho with dark hair i truly. died

ALSO SHOWNU LOOKS SO HANDSOME IRL!!!! MY WIG WAS SNATCHED!!!!!!!!!!!

hyungwon was rly cute too when he interacted with the fans :-(

there was one time wonho smiled and it was caught on the screen i . felt my heart burst in that moment

alsowwhen minhyuk took center position for their choreos he has this ?? charisma ??? its amazong like the one smirk/grin he does u know that? yeah i saw it in beautoful and died

joohoen and changkyun also did their best hyping mbbs up by yelling to sing along and stuff ihdjgf i love them

this is just mx loving hours 

also kihyun did the DHDHHSH EYE SMILE!!! HE DID IT SO MANY TIMES HE WAS SO HAPPIE I LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!

i didnt get to see jooheon much but he was so playful with minhyuk it was so cute!!!!!!! 

they all look so good and sound even better live!!! kihyuns adlibs god help me. 

i love them so much. i really do fhhdghghs im happy i went no more regrets and no more telling myself i didnt have a blast because i!!!! i loved every second of it even when i got someones hair stuck to my arm LMAO 

after it ended we immediately left for the exit andggdghs WOW standing up i was fine but moving?? moving was HELL my legs hurt so bad

ok so we got home and thats that but like.... heres where my self reflection comes in

so you dont have to read this part

i think. the reason i dont remember much is because.. i dont want to? like. at some point i got a clear view of wonho in the Flesh and i was thinkng about how i was really seeing them? for real????? and i got. really sad i think?? 

so to prevent myself from getting sad i probably tried to forget? everything?? theres also my bad memory of course but i cant even remember their faces i feel like its because im trying to forget or some deep shit 

anyway i think im also makig myself not be happy??? this is phrased v bad but its like im trying to kill the fun and only think abt the negatives of the whole event

which wasnt even much so its like. my minds blankfhjfhd

talking about it here helps though like i get to. share and actually talk about what happened so yeah i can say that i had fun even though i couldnt see them i had a blast singing along it was awesome

the only bad part was how i didnt like watching from the screens because it felt like i wasnt seeing them live?? ooMGHDDS DAY6 ARE DOING BETTTER BTTER

tldr; im not that upset over it now thank god and i can proudly say i had fun and although i cant remember much it was a great experience

thank you for coming to my tedtalk if you did <3