#anya is just a professional dipshit

[jamethinks]

*Scene: Loid and Yor talking about someone who is pregnant*

"I wonder what gender the baby will be?" Yor hummed while folding the stack of dresses for Anya. Loid wanted to help but Yor threatened to slit his throat so he opted to stay to the side and read his book. His "doctor" suggested that he take a few days off since his resting heart rate was concerningly high.

(And by doctor he meant Sylvia playing dress up).

"I personally dont care for the gender of a baby." he commented.

"Oh come on. You mean to tell me you weren't silently praying Anya was going to be a boy?"

Perhaps a boy would have gotten along better with Damian. Then again, there are many ways Anya lacks as a potential bait. He made a piss poor choice but it didn't matter in the end. He was stuck with her and all her shortcomings. Her many, many, many, many shortcomings. Hell, she was literally a shortcoming.

"I just wanted a smooth pregnancy and a healthy baby." Stay neutral. Then again, Donovan was a traditional man who probably wanted all boys. If Yor was to go back to Melinda and retell this conversation would his neutrality put off Donovan and doom the whole operation. "But if I were to have a second kid then I would prefer a boy. To keep things balanced."

"I always saw myself as a boy mom. Boys are so much sweeter and cuddlier. Yuri was such a dear growing up."

-

"Yor! Yor! Yor!" a tiny boy ran towards his sister a little flower in his hand.

Yor turned and looked at him with a bright smile. "Awe, Yuri is this for me?"

"Yup." he cheered. "When I grow I'm gonna get really rich so I can give you a million flowers every single day."

"Yuri, that's so sweet." Their mother commented.

"Yes son. But you should save the romantics for your wife." his dad added.

"But Yor's my wife?" he furrowed his eyebrows.

"No. I'm your sister. Your wife should be a very special lady you plan on loving for the rest of your life. You'll find her when you get older." Yor corrected.

"But I already have someone like that. You sis." he was so innocent it pained Yor to have to constantly turn him down.

Their dad came over picking up the little boy. "You got the right idea but the wrong target."

"Don't worry he'll grow out of it. I hope..." their mother muttered a bit wearily.

-

Loid smiled awkwardly. So he's always been like that. "Haha I remember being that age. I would pick a bunch of flowers for her and try to make a bouquet."

"That is so sweet Loid. You just don't get that kind of treatment from girls."

"Oh I'm sure that's not true."

"Yesterday when we went on a walk, Anya kept trying to give me dead caterpillars even though she knows I'm afraid of bugs."

"That's Anya she's just an asshole. Nothing to do with her gender."

"And Becky?"

"Becky is an angel especially compared to that gremlin."

"You've never seen her with her mom."

-

Yor and Anya had been invited over to the Blackbells for a special tea party. Yor was excited to finally spend time with the Madam of the house, Isabel Blackbell. It was refreshing to have a chance to spend time with another girl mom. What she didn't expect was the odd tension between the mother and daughter. It was so weird watching an adult woman argue with a six year old.

"Were you dropped on the head as baby?" Becky spat.

"You were." her mother grumbled.

"Excuse me!" Becky yelled back.

"Miss Becky, inside voices please." Martha pleaded. "We have guest."

"I am so sorry for the noise. Becky is just throwing a tantrum because her dad bought me a bracelet instead of her even though she didn't want a bracelet." Isabel explained.

"It's not about the bracelet it's about the principal!"

"Wrong principle."

"I hate you!" Becky screamed before running off and flopping down on her bed. Isabell sighed and sipped on her fake tea. She sat up and turn. "Get out!"

"Well, Forgers would you like to head out? " she said standing up from the tiny chair.

With that they left to go downstairs. A few minutes later Becky came downstairs still clearly upset but ready to continue playing. She grumble the notion of apology before clinging to her mom the rest of the playdate.

-

"You caught them on a bad day."

"It's always like that. Fighting and squabbling. I'm worried Anya and I will get like that." Loid bit his lip. He didn't have the heart to tell her that is exactly what her relationship with Anya was like. It was fascinating how many of the conversations would just end in a screaming match only for them to be cuddled up under the blanket watching some cheesy movie. Anya didn't even like romantic movies but anything to snuggle with her mama.

Any mother-daughter duo knew had a similar combative dynamic. Or any older-younger woman combo. He has seen Handler and Nightfall bicker before suddenly gossiping about him (even though he was right there).

He feared the day Anya got old enough for them to start fighting over meaningful things.

"Your sample size is too small."

"Well maybe if Anya made more female friends."

"Becky is enough work for me. Not to mention I have to deal with your whining." Anya, who had quietly watching her show the entire time, suddenly added.

"Anya your father and I are talking. Stay out." Yor scolded. Anya hissed before turning back around. "Did she just hiss at me? Loid she hissed at me?"

"I'm sure those Desmond boys give Melinda a run for her money." Loid did not want to get in the middle of their war. He had a lifetime with these two, he needed to pick his battles.

"Don't change the topic." Now he was getting scolded. "But you're wrong. They're both angels."

-

When Yor arrived at the cafe she was immediately escorted to the back. In a small private room, Melinda was there with her head down on the table.

"Melinda what's wrong?" she sat up with running makeup and a strong pout before slowly raising up a small paper.

"Damian wrote a letter for me." She sobbed. "He spelled my name wrong and corrected it and wrote a little sorry. He wrote the entire thing in a blue crayon because he and I quote "knew it was my favourite colour" and then he apologized for not using a lighter shade of blue."

Yor covered her mouth, tears brimming in her eyes as well. She looked at the tiny letter, the endless scrawling from the first grader coming together to create such a sweet and adorable letter. She could see the little doodles and designs to help make it look pretty. He even tried to draw hyacinths as they were her favourite as well.

"He lost marks *Sniffle* because he put the first line *chokes* as Mama's room because he thought it was part of my address." she fell over crying again.

"He didn't even specify a dish instead he said he would he love it as long as I made it because he loves everything I make."

The two women sobbed over the letter for an hour.

-

Anya had to do the same thing. The assignment was to request your mom to make your favourite dish. Of course she decided to write one begging Fiona to make her that weird fish soup again. She did it in red crayon and tried to add tears for design but obviously the blue crayon in use so she stuck with the red. It looked more like a threat than a heartfelt letter. It didn't that the whole thing was in cyrillic.

She was supposed to fail the assignment (since it was supposed to be for your mom not your father's coworker) but Anya played the dead mother card forcing the lecturer to change the assignment not to exclude her. The teacher was surprised when Yor showed up for the PTA meeting excited to see her daughter's progress. By then the grades were already submitted so it was a lost cause.

As Loid said, it was more than her gender. Anya was just an asshole.

THIS USER DOES NOT SUPPORT GENDERED STEREOTYPES. THIS IS JUST MEANT TO MAKE FUN OF BOYMOMS AND POKE FUN AT GENDER OBSESSED PEOPLE. INSPIRED BY THOSE CRAZY BOYCAT TIKTOKS