#any one who sends asks about this apologising or whatever just dont

[cocajimmycola]

tag your suggestive and nsfw content

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Long ask incoming so i really apologise for that lol.

in my honest opinion yaelokre is going about this incredibly wrong. but the way people have been talking about not only their characters (to be clear im not saying this because of "blah blah they're children" fake morality stuff or whatever lmao im a proshipper myself—but one of the main characters is quite literally meant to represent/be keath themself) but about them themself (sending them rape threats, threatening to draw them having sex with their characters?? I've seen a lot on the internet these past couple days, especially in proship spaces, which is so upsetting to me because I had so much more faith in our community 😭)... All this is incredibly disgusting to watch. and disheartening.

Are they going about this incredibly irresponsibly? Yes! Is it naive for them to expect that no rule 34 is created whatsoever? Yeah, probably! But they did explicitly say they dont want the characters directly representing their own childhood (including one who's basically their own persona) sexualised, much less have it sent directly to them (which it was—that's how we even got to this point, anyway) and going ahead and mocking this boundary directly, and then encouraging people to do it out of spite feels... off to me. dunno. (To be clear i think, once again, their actions are incredibly dumb and irresponsible. They're not justified in doing any of that and im not trying to say they are lol.)

(And, while we're here, there's a difference between gigantic heavily funded capitalist projects like disney, and Some Guy working on one deeply personal thing all by themself for free. Do whatever you want with like. Thousand dollar franchises with no specific human faces behind them, but it feels so weird to tear into someone's passion project theyre making out of love for free. Idk where else in my message this point fits so I'm leaving it here.)

I can't help but be reminded of antis tearing into my own work to "fix" it simply because i was a proshipper. On paper people can do whatever they want with fiction, can't they? Of course—but taking a story i made to cope with my trauma and spitefully twisting it to their own wants for no reason other than because I was a proshipper is still harrassment, still done with malice, and—proship/anti stuff removed—an objectively fucked up and mean fucking thing to do. Artists making shit for free do not owe you anything and that includes not owing you their comfortability with people interacting with their personal projects they are sharing with others (for free!! When they don't have to!!!) in certain ways. The same way they also don't owe you being comfortable with unprompted criticism and whatever else.

The "fiction is fiction" argument doesn't hold up when it starts to hurt real people. They aren't a bad person simply for not wanting their personal project sexualised (which—you could argue "that's not the problem, the problem is how theyre going about handling it it," which i agree with; but there are several posts on this very blog and countless others mocking them entirely for simply wanting their work not sexualised, and several posts encouraging others to make sexual content of their characters out of spite. Im not saying it's sexual harrassment but god it does start to feel like it's somewhere in that realm.) This isn't the first time anything like this has happened in their community, ive been here since the beginning, and in the beginning they were so unbelievably calm and polite about their boundaries and then people started directly dming them nsfw and things spiraled and here we are.

I've used the pottery analogy to explain this before—imagine someone puts a ceramic sculpture down on a table. It belongs to them, and they're very clearly proud of it. You could push it off the table and break it if it makes you happy, you won't even face any real consequences if you do. They'll just be really upset, rightfully so—it's their thing that they physically made. Maybe they even made it as a coping mechanism, only they know for sure. And they ask you to handle it gently if you decide pick it up. There's a billion things you theoretically could do, having now been made aware of this clear boundary, but only two are right—either handling it gently, or simply not picking it up in the first place.

You're a shitty person if you push it off the table. Using excuses like "there are lots of people in this room, someone was going to decide to break it eventually" doesn't suddenly absolve you morally because you are a sentient being, not a mindless robot slaving to statistics. Maybe statistically it was going to get broken eventually, it still doesn't make it right because you chose to break it yourself, directly going against what they asked you to do when handling their property, simply because it made you happy. I know full well you would not purposely damage or otherwise ignore clear boundaries or guidelines when it comes to someone's physical shit in real life. The concept of having boundaries about your own things that you made and own is not new and having to follow others' boundaries is not you being oppressed it's just being a decent human being.

Fictional characters' feelings don't matter more than real peoples'. But your own real person feelings of Mild Disappointment at not being to make porn for something you (evidently) don't even like that much ALSO don't matter more than the creator's massive upset and discomfort at direct representations of them (real person!!!) being sexualised.

TL;DR: yeah it's stupid of them to try to Anne Rice this whole situation. And yes they deserve to be called out for it and face the consequences for their actions. But let's... not treat them like it's so bafflingly unreasonable and evil of them for simply not wanting people to sexualise characters who are meant to be a direct representation of them (real person!!!!) as a child and let's EXTRA not break their boundaries even further. Their actions are stupid, yes. But their desires are like. A perfectly normal thing to want, if a little naive. harrassment is still harrassment. Being spiteful and vicious isn't suddenly okay when you're on the "right side" with the Right Opinions doing it. Being anti-harrassment doesn't only apply to people you like.

This ask isn't meant to come off as hostile or mean or anything so I sincerely apologise if it does. Wishing you the best. I also apologise if anything in this ask reads wrong it's late at night and im recovering from a concussion lol.

Fair enough.

I'm team 'break rules, not boundaries'.

By all means, show their Anne Rice approach is stupid by creating nsfw and properly tagging it and posting it to proper spaces. Fill R34 with that. Create nsfw fanworks on AO3 with proper tags. Go ham. But they clearly don't want to see it, so don't send it to them.

You wouldn't send porn of characters to any other creator without them asking. And you shouldn't be sending rape threats either. That's fucked up.

There's a difference between acting out of spite and acting out of malice, and I won't dispute the fact that some people are taking things quite far and doing the latter.

You can say a rule is dumb without taking steps to directly harm.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

i was wondering if i could ask for some advice about a friend of mine. so i have this friend, and their mental health isn't great. often they really struggle to sleep at night, and a bunch of other stuff. and there are so many reasons for that but one of the main recurring ones is that they always feel "second best". they say it a lot and it's kinda become an all-consuming thought for them. they even say that i treat them that way when to me they're my whole world. (afterwards, they apologise and say they don't actually think that but i'm scared they do.)

anyway this has been a problem for a while now and i'm starting to worry that while this happens far too often irl that it's actually happening in their head too. like they're assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, thinking that everyone hates them just cos they hate themself. i guess in a way it's a coping mechanism, to assume the worst to avoid hoping and getting hurt. but i'm scared it's really detrimental to their mental health as well.

in a way, i guess, they feel a bit paranoid but i don't know how to raise that with them without seeming accusatory and also i don't actually know how often this happens. i've never known it to happen at all, never seen it. and i'm a lil autistic so maybe that's just me not picking up on social cues, but idk. but when they talk to me about it they're always so vague, they avoid saying who or giving away any details. they always say they don't want me to hate the people who have done it, cos apparently it's friends as well as foes.

so i can't really judge the situation, cos idk how severe it is or anything y'know? i'm just really worried about them and idk what to do about it, how to talk to them or even if i should at all.

i want to help them, but i don't want to seem judgemental or pushy and they rarely talk about this kind of thing until they're having a panic attack or smth and i don't want to make things worse at that point. i don't want to bring things up or reopen wounds but at the same time i don't think that they'll bring it up themself cos they always think of themself as a burden and struggle to reach out.

thank you for listening yours, smol anon

Hi!

I think you first need to remember that odds are, nothing you did is triggering these thoughts. A lot of times when someone feels like this, it's their own mental spirals that cause it. So you can help in three ways:

Next time they have a panic moment, tell them that they are welcome to come to you for reassurance about your affection for them ANYTIME. And then, most importantly, when they do, do NOT get annoyed. Show you are a safe space.

Even if it's scary, be affectionate. Remind them you care with words, hugs, whatever. Anything to help fight those voices in their head saying you don't care.

Encourage them to get some help. This seems like a bigger issue, something that you can't just fix. Next time you're talking about it, gently ask if they've ever considered talking to someone about it. Tell them you care, and you dont want them to feel this way about themselves. Phrase it as concern, not judgement, and see how they react.

Sending love!

[pcvensies]

*.• Si vis amari.

0. prologue.

* dad!satoru x mom!nanamioc x son!megumi ( kinda adopted??? kinda just taken??? ) slowburn, angst!, long fic, found family trope, fluff, funny, idk pls keep reading :(

* word count: 1300.

* in which 18 year old gojo satoru is left in charge of 6 year old fushiguro megumi, with the help of 17 year old nanami suki (oc).

{ HEY SO UH this fic is very self indulgent but i hope it finds some found family bitches like me who needed it. because damn i did, so i wrote it. ik it’s not a reader fic IM SORRY OKAY, i know those are more liked but give suki a chance we truly are all suki. PLEASE DONT LET IT FLOP IT IS A PROJECT V DEAR TO ME. this is a small intro to see if u guys like it or nah. love u <3 }

next part

It was a terrible idea, really. Out of all the terrible ideas Gojo Satoru had had - and there had been plenty of them - this one was definitely the worst of them all. But we are meant to respect the dead’s wishes, right? And a favour asked by a now dead man, even if not much, meant something to him.

Also, he was dying to see the look on the Nanami twins’ faces, especially Kento’s.

The way to their apartment was silent, and awfully awkward, as any try he had made to keep a conversation with that hedgehog of a child had been ignored by the boy. Such a little asshole.

“Can you at least smile a little?”.

Silence.

“Maybe don’t, Nanamin doesn’t either. He may be more receptive to those of his kind…”.

Silence.

Satoru had no patience to deal with any of this anyway, and the small six year old by his side possessed an incredible ability to get on his nerves, even without saying a single word. Can he even speak? Geez, Fushiguro, he thought to himself, crossing his arms over his chest as the elevator started going up.

The small card which read “Nanami” wasn’t far from the elevator, and Gojo’s only thought was how annoying it must be to hear the engine going all day. But they had refused, and had been allowed somehow, to live in the school, so they had brought that upon themselves.

Kento was doing the dishes when the bell rang, and he sighed, shaking the soap from his hands.

His sister, Suki, was in the shower, and she had left him to clean everything from dinner, as always. Don’t get it wrong, she was as responsible as a seventeen year old living by herself in the city could be, but there was something about the dishes that just “grossed her out”.

“BELL RINGING!”, he heard her yell from the shower, and rolled his eyes.

Like he was deaf, or something. However, it made him suspicious that anyone would ring at their door after dinner time, and he gave it a moment of hesitation before walking to the entrance.

“Oh, Nanamiiiinnn, c’mon… I know you’re home. It’s not like you do anything with your life outside of the classes anyway, you can’t trick me!”.

Kento almost turned around in that exact moment, knowing damn well that nothing that had to do with Gojo at that time of the day could be good, but he was a well educated boy. So against his own wishes, he opened the door.

“It’s nine thirty, Gojo”, was his greeting, as he looked at the white haired boy in front of him.

Satoru waved his hand in front of him, like taking importance from it, and looked around the place, eyes searching for the other twin. In the worst scenario, Kento would try to call the police on him. But if Susu was around, she’d be able to talk him out of it.

“Gojo, I’m serious”.

“Are you ever not, dear Nanami?”, the man replied fast, followed with a sigh, “Isn’t Suki home? She could be of use right now, honestly”.

Satoru had to be very fast to get his foot between the door and the wall, or Kento would’ve locked him out for that comment.

The white haired boy apologised with a chuckle, and his eyes finally found the pink streak of hair, almost drowned by a sea of blonde, that covered Suki’s head.

She was tiny, he had realised, much shorter than himself and her twin, the big red sweatshirt she was wearing making her even smaller. Her honey-ish eyes found Gojo’s sight, and the boy sent her a grin.

“Sue, you have finally decided to bless us with your prese-“.

“What have you done this time, Gojo?”, was all he got from her, as she tied her hair and walked to the door, now standing next to her brother, “Need somewhere to hide from Yaga?”.

Kento sighed once again, ready for the bickering battle that was set to start between the two, but to his surprise, Satoru kept quiet about the remark.

He rubbed the back of his neck, almost hesitating to say whatever he wanted to say, and the Nanami’s frowned at his behaviour.

“Alright I think it’ll be easier if I show you”, he finally spoke, and took a long step to the left.

Behind him, a little boy stood. His black hair was a mess, almost covering his eyes, and he was wearing no more than a t-shirt to cover his upper body from the night’s cold.

He looked up at Kento, a serious expression on his face, and then at Suki. He didn’t say a word, and simply looked back down.

Gojo laughed nervously at the silence, watching Kento’s horrified expression contrasting with his twin sister’s curious one.

“It’ll all make sense if you let me-“.

Slam.

Before he could even finish, the door was closed in his face, and both him and the kid gasped at the yelling that came from behind.

“I’m going to call Yaga”.

“Ken stop! Don’t you think that if he could have brought him to Yaga, he wouldn’t have already?! You didn’t even let him explain himself!”.

“Because there’s no good explanation to Gojo Satoru appearing at our house, in the night, with a child! What explanation do you need?!”.

It was a little funny, honestly, to hear Kento lose his temper. Yelling and yelling about how even opening the door had been a bad idea. He should’ve seen it coming, one of Gojo’s terrible ideas.

A sneeze silenced the argument, and Gojo looked down at the kid, who cleaned his nose with the end of Satoru’s sweatshirt.

“Hey, don’t-“.

Again, he was interrupted by the door, this time as it opened, to reveal just the Nanami girl. She sighed deeply, and crouched down in front of the child, giving him a small smile.

“Are you cold, sweetheart?”, she asked softly, hands covered in the sleeves of her clothes, as she rubbed the boy’s naked arms.

The kid nodded hesitantly, looking up at the boy, and Satoru shrugged, walking in as Suki got up and signaled them to.

The girl closed the door behind them, and walked through the dark corridor, coming back a few minutes later with a small Hello Kitty jumper. It was made of white wool, with a small patch of the cat’s face in the middle of the chest.

The boy put it on without looking much at it, covering his cold arms and body with it, and Suki gave Gojo an annoyed look, like lecturing him with her eyes.

They had met a few years ago, when Satoru was a second year and they got accepted in the school. Kento and him were nothing alike, and quite a strange pair, but Suki was much more extroverted and easy going, always replying to Gojo’s remarks with even smarter ones.

They had all grown into each other, as much as the Nanami boy wouldn’t admit it out loud.

“It’s itchy”.

Suki stopped sending angry glares to Satoru to look down at the kid, who kept his sight on his shoes as he scratched his neck. The girl ruffled his hair, chuckling.

“I think what you meant to say there is ‘thank you, Nanami-san’. It’s the only one I have that is your size, kid”, she spoke, and her eyes opened wide as she heard the kid’s stomach growl, “Are you hungry?”.

The kid didn’t reply, he simply nodded his head slowly, and the girl looked up at Satoru again.

“Care to explain, Gojo?”.

n/a. leave some feedback guys i havent written in so long and i am: scared. I AM BEGGING U I NEED EXTERNAL APPROVAL.

— lulu.

[corpsesbaby-main]

i've actually been trying to find your blog for weeks to not only binge atp for the millionth time but to reblog it with comments as i finally made time to do it 😅 i'm sorry for being part of the problem!

i'm a writer (yikes i know) who's dealt with a similar issue on wattpad where the only interactions i got were people adding my stories to reading lists, so likes are super rare and i literally don't know the last time i got a comment or a reply to a comment (and i doubt ny notifications go back far enough to see 🙃). it's one reason why i've kind of stopped putting stuff on there (again: yikes i know).

yet i'm terrible at commenting?? especially on here because i always want to write an essay everytime because i know how much work goes into writing something as short as a blurb so i feel bad about writing a 'i love this!' even though i personally enjoy those comments? no one will be more pissed or confused about me being affected by yet contributing to this problem more than me. again, i'm sorry. i know much a heart emoji means and how much silence hurts.

i'm so sorry that i contributed to your frustration.

i adore atp and your writing but never knew how to put it into words (ironic). i'm angry at myself for not supporting my fellow writers especially seeing how many fic writers are talking about the lack of comments are discouraging and angry for contributing to this problem. and to anyone reading this or other fic writers' vents, non-fic writers like me and published writers are having issues getting feedback. (hence why i said no one is more pissed about my lack of comments than me)

i hoped tumblr was glitching when i was having issues finding atp until i saw the asks and your answers. you have every right to be angry and upset and disappointed in readers like me. anyone who says otherwise is a dick because it's true.

i'm sorry i waited too long to try and reblog and comment. i truly am and i hope you enjoy finishing atp and any other works for yourself 💙 if you ever decide to share your writing again, i will be sure to reblog and comment with everything.

thank you for apologising lovey and i completely understand! it's not you in particular that made me leave, just a collective problem if that makes sense? i don't bear any ill feelings towards anyone in particular just more how this like-culture has formed bc of tik tok and instagram and users of tumblr not using tumblr the way they did 5 years ago when my stuff was actually reblogged

the only thing that genuinely grinds my gears (besides the like problem) is that ive received asks of anons telling me im being 'hurtful to fans' when i say that everyone who just liked and never reblogged or even send an ask yk were part of the reason i left and refuse to roll out chapter after chapter, request after request with the same people demanding more to get nothing in return. the fanfics everyone reads are already free, so are reblog, yk?

as if i want fans? i just want a community and people who support me in my writing and who i can support back in whatever they create, who chat with me not just about my fics but fandoms in general, life, etc! and thats not achievable through likes

thank you for also giving some perspective! it's good that more writers step up and talk about this and offer a different viewpoint to those who don't write bc it's impossible to know how discouraging this feels until you're in the middle of it. im sorry you feel that way too and that people interact so little with your works as well! im not sure if you're a corpse writer and i havent read corpse stuff in so long but if you are, send me some of your stuff and i'll be happy to read and comment! ❤️ (this goes for everyone btw for most fandoms)

and i completely get being horrible at commenting! i always write essays too (especially on ao3 lmao) and i understand how you wanna carve out some time to do so!

i dont know if tips will help you and i certainly dont wanna tell you what to do but maybe i can give some tips in general to fic readers reading this:

i have a fanfiction sideblog (which i will not share bc there's shit on there that's between me, the author who wrote it, and god) bc i didn't want to reblog on the account i post my own writings on, mainly bc i feel like it will annoy people if i reblog every fic i read bc... there are a lot lmao. so first tip is maybe run a sideblog where you just reblog fics you've read and loved?

second tip is to have a queue running if you're scared it will annoy people?

i have a system where i reblog when there's a fic i see that i wanna read but i dont have the time for yet and tag it with 'to read' then i'll reblog it again with insight/comments. that way the post is in circulation and even if i dont get to it ever, i've still helped out he author?

i hope you don't feel too guilty. it's something we all have to work more on to make sure writers feel more appreciated! i genuinely dont have any vendetta or ill feelings towards you or anyone, i just choose to write for myself now <3

feel free to dm me any time if you wanna chat! im genuinely open to sharing my works with the friends ive made on here and other writers!

[leossmoonn]

nah okay so im having a lil bit of self trouble? ig? idk what you wld call my situation but thats how im describing it until i can think of a better term

so im almost 19. ive never had a boyfriend. never been kissed. never even held hands w a guy. hell, never even *talked* to a guy in that way. but my sister, who is almost 16, has. she's had a boyfriend before. she did all that before. and now she's flirting w another guy (her and her bf broke up a while ago btw lol) and he told her that he was gonna give her one of his sweatshirts.

now, am i a bad sister for being jealous of her? dont get me wrong, im extremely happy for her and she TOTALLY deserves all the love in the universe. but i feel like im always overlooked(?) ig bc im overweight or loud or whatever the case is.

geez, sorry for the long ass ask lol i swear i didnt mean for this to turn into a rant session. i just need advice that doesnt come from my mom lol. much love<3

don’t apologize for sending in this kind of ask, or any ask. i dont mind

i dont think it’s wrong to be jealous of your sister. like you said, she deserves it and all, but its normal to feel jealous especially when your experience is different from hers.

and maybe you haven’t had a kiss or held hands yet because you havent found the right guy and thats okay. youre 19 and trust me, you literally have all the time in the world to find someone.

im sorry if the advice ive given is the same as your mom’s. but honestly the guy youre going to marry is going to come, probably later than sooner, but he’s going to come into your life and you are going to rock his mf world. he’s not gonna care about if you’re “loud” or “overweight” (but dude same 😭 im not kidding i feel you) he’s gonna love you no matter what.

also idk you personally but it seems like your sister is more outgoing? and its okay if youre not. again i dont know you at all so i apologise for assuming, but bottom line is

it’s okay to be jealous. just dont let it take over you. and remember that you will find your dream guy and you two are gonna be awesome. sometimes it just takes time.

[cl-01-kestis]

A visit to the Senate

Dismay - Grand Admiral Thrawn x Rebel!Reader | Part 6

Summary: You’re sent on a mission along side Omani and Mon Mothma to attend the Naboo Senate, but things don’t go exactly as planned.

Warnings: sexual themes, angst

(Paragraphs in italics mean that the reader is in the past, it’s also the sexual part, so you’ll know when to stop scrolling if you don’t want to read it).

Chiss have fangs dont @ me ✋😌

You had to admit, this was the worst bed you’d ever slept in. You couldn’t get comfortable, the springs poked out, and you would rather much sleep on the floor if the ship’s captain wasn’t so against it.

You had this room by yourself, Omani was in the room beside yours with her friends and you could hear their chatting through the walls. Their chatter didn’t bug you normally, but you were trying to get to sleep. You were exhausted, mostly because this journey took a few days and you were now in the middle of it, but with hardly any sleep.

The pillow done you justice in blocking out the noise of chatter in the room beside you and only then did your body finally allow you to rest. You didn’t care about how much sleep you got, just as long as you got any sleep at all.

Your mind didn’t do you any justice as you slept, bringing back long forgotten about memories that made you toss and turn in your sleep, letting out small noises and squeaks as your mind flashed you different images of your past at the Empire.

Tapping the code into Thrawn’s chambers, you looked from side to side and made sure that the stormtrooper at the door wasn’t looking or being nosy. You were dressed in full black, your commander uniform all crinkled due to a messy interrogation and a blow to the face that caused your eye brow to split open. You’d just returned from the medbay after recieving stitches, the blood all cleaned up but the wound was bruised and still raw. You held an ice pack to your brow as you entered Thrawn’s chambers and made sure the door closed behind you.

Your immediate thought was to see where he was, you expected to see him in his chair as you turned around but he wasn’t there. The door to his training room was open and you smiled to yourself, tip toeing your way to the doors arch and leaning your body on it as your eyes landed on Thrawn who was wearing a white vest and black joggers. He wrestled a sentry droid with his bare hands, no weapons required. His face was full of determination, red eyes ablaze as he eventually took down the droid who was banging its fists on the floor to try and lift itself up.

Thrawn looked up and spotted you standing at the door with a smile on your face. He yelled out the word ‘rukh’ and the droid powered down in seconds, it’s red eyes fading into a dull lifeless grey. You took the ice pack of your eyebrow when Thrawn stood up from the droid and walked towards you. Without a word exchanged, he wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed you softly.

“Who did this?” He asked, eyes trailing to the slit in your brow which was coated with two small medical stables and an invisible layer of bacta spray. You smiled at his concern and cupped his cheek.

“Bad day at interrogation... someone got the better of me, but I’m fine” You said with a calm exterior, leaning on your toes and planting another kiss on Thrawn’s lips which caused him to make a small noise of disapproval.

“Should send them to execution, whoever it was” Thrawn frowned, stroking your temple with one of his hands and grazing the surface of the staples in your brow. You winced slightly at the contact but Thrawn was quick to apologise and keep his hand away from your face.

“They’re an important vessel, according to Vader, so I can’t exactly go against his word” You defended as Thrawn let you go to walk out of his training room and go to his refresher. You followed behind, placing the ice pack near your eye once more and cursing out in Cheunh. Thrawn grinned at your words and opened the door to his refresher, stepping inside before turning around and leaning out as you approached.

“Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Thrawn teased, his large hands holding onto the arch of the door and supporting his weight as he leaned his body forward. You stuck your middle finger up at his words which made him let out a sharp laugh.

“I’m sure that’s no way to treat a Vice Admiral, Commander” Thrawn smirked as you approached him, your free hand cupping his cheek and trailing his jaw with your thumb. You tilted your head to the side slightly as your fingers grazed the skin on his neck, peeking under the material of his vest to see purple marks over his skin. You smiled at the sight of it, pulling the vest down slightly to get a better look at it which made the Chiss man stretch his neck out for you to get a better look.

“You look good with my marks on your skin” You commented on a sultry tone, letting go of his vest and turning around to walk towards his bedroom. But before you even got the chance to take the first step, Thrawn grabbed your wrist and spun you around, dragging you into the refresher with him and closing the door so he could pin you up against it. You gasped at his actions, unable to fight back the shit eating grin on your face as Thrawn’s knee placed itself between your legs.

“You’ll look better with mine” The Chiss growled before ripping open your uniform top effortlessly and burying his head into your neck. You cursed at Thrawn, raking your nails down his shoulder blades as his teeth sunk into your skin, his small fangs poking into your skin and making you hiss out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. As if you hadn’t bled enough today, Thrawn sucked and nibbled on your skin where his sharp K9’s had jabbed, his tongue slowly lapping up whatever blood he caused to come out.

“Do you always have to bite that hard?” You whined, clutching his vest and trying not to make too much noise in case anyone outside heard.

“Yes, it’s the best way to make you remember who you belong to” Thrawn replied, his whole demeanour was dominant and empowering as he held you still against the refresher door. He grabbed your wrists and pinned them above your head with one of his hands whereas the other touched the bare skin of your chest and stomach, past the ripped Commander top and underneath your bra which made your breath suddenly catch in your throat.

“Thrawn” You moan, struggling against his hand that he’d your wrists as he pressed his fingers into your skin slowly but surely. You sighed at the feeling, closing your eyes for a brief moment as Thrawn kissed your collarbones, nipping the skin with his front teeth very softly.

“Care to shower with me?” Thrawn asked with a smile, leaning back up from your chest and letting go of your wrists. You blushed at his suggestion and nodded.

“How could I say no to that?” You chuckled.

-

Your eyes slowly opened to the familiar pitch black of your room on the ship. Lifting your head, you looked up to see Omani shaking your leg softly as she sat on your bed with a concerned expression.

“You were crying in your sleep” She whispered, her voice full of distress and panic as though she witnessed something traumatic.

You sat up abruptly, hands raising to your eyes and feeling nothing but wet tears staining your cheeks. You wiped them off with urgency, apologising to Omani who watched you in silence as you swallowed your emotions and sucked in a breath.

“Bad dream” You excused your tears, sniffing lightly and raising your legs out of the bed to hand them off the edge. You combed your hair with your hands, feeling your body tremble as your eyes stung with unpleasantly.

“You don’t cry whenever you have bad dreams” Omani shuffled over beside you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, bringing you close to her as you found it difficult to breathe. You stayed silent at her comment and hung your head low, remembering the visions you saw in your dream and trying to shake them off due to how upset they were making you.

“I’d rather not talk about it” You breathed out, avoiding Omani’s confused stare which soon turned into a sad and frustrated one. You understood she was an adult now, at least an adult in Chiss culture, but you didn’t want to tell her about what you saw. Those memories were for you to deal with, memories you shared with literally no one. Regardless that Thrawn’s her father, you’re sure she wouldn’t want to know what you were dreaming about anyway.

“Well we’ve almost arrived on Naboo so you woke up at the right time” Your daughter pushed aside the tension you created and stood up from your bed, her arm unwrapping itself quickly from you and returning to her side as she approached the door.

“Be careful though, there might be some Imperials here today” That was Omani’s way of saying ‘be careful, dad might be here’. You smiled at her and nodded your head, watching her turn around and leave your room so you could get ready for the mission ahead of you.

Turning the lights on to your room, you were blinded immediately and forced to cover your eyes with your hand. Your eyes pounded in your head and you took a few seconds to adjust to the light in your room. As soon as you were sure you could see properly, your eyes landed on the suitcase you brought with you. You lay it out on the floor and opened it up, taking out a beautiful Senator dress you owned and wore only a few times. Omani mistook the dress for a wedding dress when she was a child and thought for a moment you were getting married, she started crying and making a fuss and you felt terrible.

You took out the shoes that went with the dress as well as a gold necklace, you had Omani do your makeup and hair for the event. She was more excited about it than you were, but she was mostly excited to see you take the stage and speak to other Senators. She had never been to one of your conferences before so this was a real treat for her, regardless if the senate was Imperial or not.

Omani fit herself in a navy dress that clung to her waist but was poofy at the skirt. She wore normal blue flats on her feet considering she hated heels, and for jewellery she wore diamond studs. She tied her heir up in a tight, neat hun and done her makeup very lightly.

Before you left the ship though, Omani gave you your locket from Thrawn back for you to wear at the senate. You suggested for her to wear it but she saw it fit that you would be the one to have it around your neck.

The rest of the rebels who were supporting you at the senate were dressed in navy’s and blacks, doing their best not to be noticed as you landed on Naboo and walked to the Senate. A member of the Senate escorted you and the group to the building and by the looks of it, it was a new republic Senate instead of an Imperial one. You sighed out in relief.

As you took your seats at the Senate, you received many strange looks from other senators and their parties. You ignored their looks and kept a stern expression on your face, determined for this to go well and stand up for the rebels in hopes to get support from Naboo. It wasn’t as though you had no experience, Bail Organa took you to many of his own Senate’s back when you were pregnant and in need of a new job.

It was going to be a while before the Senate started, so you decided to chat with Omani and the rebels in your group to calm their nerves and reassure then that this wasn’t going to be a catastrophe. Omani seemed headstrong about the Senate, the only thing she was worrying about was if the Empire made an appearance, and one man in particular. Beside you, Mon Mothma was with her own party and you felt a little more assured that you were no longer alone. You exchanged a few words with her before a few more senators arrived and the room started filing up quick.

The grand chancellor of Naboo walked up to his stand and the Senate was in session. Many exchanges were made and you and Senator Mothma took to the stage with your heads held high and determination flowing through your veins. You tried not to dwell too much on the fact that the Empire could possibly turn up but you made sure to focus on the most important thing at that moment, and that was hopefully gaining support from Naboo with essentials like food, weapons and more bases.

As Omani was watching you, she had a curious look around the room. Her red eyes switched from person to person like a dot to dot game, eventually falling on the door at the back of the Senate and feeling her body go stiff when Imperial figures emerged from the doors and spectated the Senate from a respectable distance. She tugged on the dress of another rebel who was with her and pointed to the top of the stairs, alerting the Empire’s appearance to the party who then shared it on to Senator Mothma’s party. You sat back down and noticed how scared Omani looked, her blue hand shaking as it tapped your shoulder and pointed to the back of the room. Your blood ran cold when your eyes fell on an imperial woman with an unmistakable appearance that pissed you off.

It was Arihnda Pryce. What was she doing here?

You looked to Senator Mothma who exchanged a wary glance with you, her hands clenched nervously in her lap as the next person took to the stage to support the points you made. You kept looking back at the room to speculate Pryce and her band of goons in the Senate. She wasn’t a Senator, so why was the here? Was she here to order a massacre because the Empire wasn’t here? Or was she here in an attempt to act like a Senator? Both thoughts made you clench your jaw in anger.

Looking back to the Grand Chancellor, you noticed his eyes on Pryce. He spotted her at the stairs and requested that the Senate take a current pause due to the situation.

“And what might you be doing here? The Empire rejected our invitation” The Chancellor said in a loud, booming voice. Pryce never flinched, she only smirked and started making her way down the stairs of the senate. You glared at her the whole time, blocking Omani from her sight even though she was no where near you.

“That is true, Chancellor, but any Senate without the Empire is illegal, therefor this Senate shall disperse immediately” She grinned, making you want to punch her right in her annoying face as she rubbed her nails on the chest of her grey Moff uniform.

“That is not fair!” A Senator cried out, as did another, yelling different insults her way which she wasn’t the least bit effected by. Omani held onto your hand out of fear, her red eyes looking at the woman who you came to loathe so much in your Imperial days.

“I’m afraid it’s perfectly fair, this is against the rules of the Empire” She snapped at whoever yelled at her, her eyes narrow and brows furrowed into a menacing expression. She glared at whoever was around her, eventually stopping once her gaze landed on the Chancellor once again.

“This is my Senate! I shall do and say as I please!” The Chancellor exclaimed, apaulled by Pryce’s words and slamming his fist on the table he was standing at.

“Actually, you can’t” A new voice errupted from the entrance at the back of the Senate. The whole Senate fell silent, including you and Omani, and the rest of the rebels with you. You looked at Omani immediately, eyes glassy with shock as you grabbed her arm and looked back at the new face at the top of the stairs.

“Grand Admiral, what are you doing here?” The Chancellor asked with a stunned tone, clearing his throat and trying to seem confident as Thrawn, who’s eyes were looking straight into the Chandellors soul, made his way slowly down the stairs. Pryce turned to look at Thrawn with a smile, a smile you wanted nothing more than to smack off her face.

Omani spluttered and trembled behind you as she spotted the face of the man she knew as her father, gripping onto the sleeve of your dress tightly as she sat frozen in fear.

You stole a glance at Mon Mothma who was glaring right at the Chiss man making his way down the stairs, her fists clenched underneath the stand in front of her seat. You felt an underlying guilt fill you up the more you looked around the court, noticing everyone’s fierce glares towards the man you had a child with.

“Just stay behind me” You whispered to Omani, squeezing her hand as tight as you could without hurting her, pushing away the feeling of nausea stirring in your stomach.

“The Empire doesn’t have jurisdiction over my Senate, you aren’t wanted here” The Chancellor defended with a loud tone of voice, making his point as transparent as he possibly could whilst looking right back at Thrawn.

“I see... very well,” Thrawn sighed. “In favour of this... chancellor to continue this illegal debate, please stand?” Thrawn looked around the room with an amused smirk. There were a few people who stood up right away, not afraid of the consequences they’ll face by standing by the New Republic.

You looked down at your lap, looking to Omani who shook her head at you, silently begging you not do what she thought you were going to do. Smiling at her, you let her hand go and stood up from your seat, looking right at the Chancellor and nodding his way, earning one in return from him as he sent you a grateful smile. Omani and the others looked at you, horrified, but Mon Mothma smiled, though she did not stand herself.

A few Senators stood up after you, you were thankful that Thrawn’s attention didn’t seem to direct itself to you but sooner or later, stormtroopers appeared and approached those who were standing, including yourself.

Keeping your calm, you smiled and started chuckling at the situation you were in. The silence in the room emboldened your soft laughter and soon, everyone’s eyes were on you. A stormtrooper appeared behind you and grabbed your arms, putting you in cuffs and tugging for you to follow him.

“What’s so funny, Senator?” Pryce stepped forward, her gaze sharp and heavy on you as you stepped out of your Senator chair and gave Omani a reassuring nod.

“This is ridiculous, you Imperials do nothing but ruin everything, this was a peaceful negotiation until you showed up, Governor Pryce” You glared, eyes piercing right through her which caused her to let out a disgusted scoff.

“Arrest this woman at once-“

“That won’t be necessary, Pryce” Thrawn interrupted her, sending her a bone chilling glare that made you want to laugh right in her face. Her pride was torn apart as he stepped forward and looked right at you. Shit.

Thrawn noticed the smile forming on your face, it wasn’t because of Pryce, it was for him. He knew it.

“Senators deserve respect, not violence, get her out of the restraints” Thrawn ordered in a calm, yet demanding voice, causing the stormtrooper to immediately let you out of the handcuffs and step away from you. Thrawn smiled pleasantly at the sight of you glaring at the trooper with a deadly scowl.

“We all share different views in this Senate, though we might not all agree with them, but politics shouldn’t resolve to violence” Thrawn looked at you the whole time with a glimmer in his eyes, he was protecting you like he said on the hologram.

Omani was watching behind you, her eyes wide with surprise and confusion at the same time. She was relieved you weren’t going to be arrested or taken away, but the order was given by Thrawn of all people? She was absolutely positive it was a matter of being biased, if you were someone else he would’ve said nothing.

“This is still an illegal gathering and I unfortunately cannot let it continue,” Thrawn looked back to the Chancellor who’s frown returned to his face. Sighing, he nodded his head and gave in to Thrawn’s request without a single word. Small murmurs of defence echoed around the room but nothing dramatic came out of it.

“Wise choice, we shall take our leave then” Thrawn turned to Pryce, nodding at her to gather her troops and leave the Senate as everyone watched. Omani stood up beside you and wrapped her arms around you, holding you tight as she sobbed in your shoulder. Her cries were thankfully muffled by the sound of footsteps, drawing little to no attention as you held her close and kissed her cheek.

From a distance, Thrawn had turned back around to look at you, but he got a pleasant surprise when he witnessed you embracing no one else but your child, Omani. His frown slowly melted into a look of ease and he smiled at the sight. Whilst Omani rest her chin on your shoulder, she opened her eyes only to spot Thrawn looking right at her with a small smile. Her heart dropped to her stomach but through her tears, she smiled as well. Did he know? Or was he just smiling because she was one of his kind?

“He’s looking at us” Omani whispered in your ear, and in response you let her go and turned around, looking up slightly to meet his gaze and nod your head curtly at him. Thrawn nodded back, looking back to Omani who was shocked at the interaction between you and Thrawn, but she stood her ground and made no actions towards him.

“Am I missing something here?” Omani mumbled under her breath but you heard her, looking at her with a smile and shaking your head.

“Nothing important, let’s just focus on getting out of here” You patted her shoulder, kissing her head lovingly and sneaking another glance back at Thrawn when she turned to the other rebels who were there. The Grand Admiral looked hesitant to leave, his hands were clasped behind his back but every time he looked like he was about to move, he didn’t. Senators were starting to leave and so was Mon Mothma, but for a brief second it felt like no one else was in the room apart from you and Thrawn.

“Are you coming?” You turned to see Omani and the other rebels leaving the pod. You looked back at Thrawn and then back to Omani, nodding reluctantly and taking her hand as she walked out.

Thrawn watched from a distance as his daughter walked you out of the Senator pod, it was obvious you didn’t want to leave and he noticed the way you kept looking back to see him. His heart ached in his chest but he forced himself to look away, eyes landing on Pryce who’s face was full of fear. Saying nothing, Thrawn walked right past her and made his way out of the back entrance, the stormtroopers following behind him.

[floralkittygambler]

Semi-Return

I'm gonna be honest, I haven't the foggiest if I actually mentioned I'd be on Hiatus or if life just yoinked the rug under my mitts. Apologies for a lack of head's up - *if* anyone's still around. Below will be a contents of what this post will be about. Please feel free to skip to whichever part is to your liking. The cards are in your favour.

CONTENTS: - Reasons for Absence - Unanswered Asks/Deleted Asks When Anon Was Enabled - Hazbin/Helluva, Basically some of my thoughts on both from the time I left til now, and other hazzy shite like that - Other Hazzy thoughts incl the staff and fandom PLUS the interactions here PLUS PLUS if any of those thoughts have changed - Future of this blog

Loooong Read

REASONS FOR ABSENCE:

Honestly. Life. That's it really. Life. I'm chronically knackered. Ive got those under my care to tend to. I got a lot to sort. Etc etc. Also the drama here, as well as just... Honestly hearing about someone I saw as a friend being very young - that wouldnt normally upset me because they're a friend, but... I still worry for them. Their wellbeing. And I feel (in my personal experience - good for you if youve had better... Yer lucky feck! ;P) tumblr and twitter are some of the most toxic places sometimes, especially with the utter bs both carry. Humans are erroneous by design and we should help people be educated and grow. But that's not my experience with either site. Both fuel yes men, altered reality, bullying and misinformation as well as hate. Both preach about equality yet both are the most excluding, hateful places in my experience. Also in before the 'but YOURE a hater' - One, I critic. I'm talking about shit like death threats, false accusations, REAL shit. Real harmful shit. Either way, if you see this, I genuinely fucking care, alright? But for the love of whatever you believe in, you need to find a SAFE and POSITIVE space, Sweet- Tumblr and Twitter can be really bigoted, bias and hateful (I know, "But we here support LGBT+ etc etc" bollocks. Some of you think hating hets and cis or whatever is equality. Some of you harass trans. Equality means fucking EQUALITY. Shouldnt be hard to be remotely decent and just fucking RESPECT one another. Preach allll you fucking want about 'The Gov doesnt care and victimises us!" - and youd be right! - but you play directly into that by following into hate and finding a blame game or scapegoat regardless of the reality. Be. NICE. It's the bare minimal of being a person. We arent perfect and aint always nice but at least try to have decency and manners MOST the times. Likewise, both sides get into these lil rally wars n shit yet hold people to extremely high standards. It's silly. High standards are GREAT but perfectionism is not a realistic acheivement. Point is, dont be a shitbag to the best of your abilities. And to this particular friend, please PLEASE just get away from all this mess and focus on you and your health and identity. You have potential and I dont want to see that squandered by the toxicity of society when they think being behind wires and plastic sheets is gonna protect their shittiness. Look after yourself, ok? Im worried. Im not the best at wording shit or emotional stuff or approaching, but I do care. Please look after yourself.

UNANSWERED ASKS/DELETED ASKS FROM GOING ANON:

Tbf I didnt know going anon would delete the old asks - thanks for that lil warning tumblr... ya knobs lol. Alright I'll get to them as fast as I can but again, Ive got many duties to attend to. Luckily some I got still noted that were deleted soooo~ Sadly most were anon so whilst the original person sadly may not see, it'll at least be accessible for them. I'll apologise for promising this so much. I prefer to give a genuine answer. Give time to dedicate to those who take time to leave them. Basically, Im a sad fucker LOL Nah but it's just nice to give and share time, innit? Oh but for anything like hate, aggression, etc? Nah... Also can we stop sending people (not just for me but for everyone - Ive heard people get sent some right awful shit) threats of assault, false allegations, triggers, etc etc. Just dont mate. Im seeing a rise in online harassment in many places and it's just pathetic we've hit this stage aint it?

Hazbin/Helluva, Basically some of my thoughts on both from the time I left til now, and other hazzy shite like that:

Errr honestly? I speak mostly within a private critiques group on this stuff now. Many because we can give an instant reaction before actually mulling over thoughts, opinions, critiques, there's so much room to educate ourselves and others and it's liberating to have a voice in which folks can agree, disagree, whichever and be mature and friendly in these moments. It's an honour. Likewise, there's a verification process to ensure you're actually an adult and who you claim to be to make sure things are ran appropriately. The very few minors allowed are ones we've known for awhile and can trust to act appropriately (likewise they're instantly disabled from accessing any NSFW channels - though discussions on SpindleHorse and whatnot are appropriately labelled and censored. To sum up my thoughts briefly (I know, a fucking challenge lol), I aint a fan. Simple. More indepth of bts will be in the next section, but for the shows themselves... HB just... Eh, I like some designs but otherwise it's like Twilight - fanfic gone famous and catering to the wrong stuff. Animation errors that are pretty piss poor considering their team. Story is shit, Im sorry. But it's just shit. I wanted to learn about IMP and all that. Not some toxic fujoshi on imp x an insult of a genuine demon (x2 if you include Fizz). There's a difference between authentic rep from a good place and queerbaiting for clout, brownie points and money. And anyone can be bigoted, ignorant or toxic in ways, including to their own identities. It's just... Ive seen better. All in all, it's demonic Family Guy. Fun for mindless entertainment but stale jokes, crap music, decent-ish designs, really it's animated low-quality fanfiction to cater to an overabundance fanservice that forgets it's original purpose. Inconsistent. Just... There's better if quality matters to you in any of these areas. It's strength lies in pretty visuals. It's clear that it panders more to younger, immature, teen audiences, as well as certain toxic things (such as glorifying sexual abuse). As a worshipper, I personally find the depiction of real demons to be an insult to them, especially in use of real sigils without any skillset in usage. Viv and co SHOULD have learned this from the Alastor uproar but clearly not. More on that in the next section pertaining to Viv and co themselves. Overall, it's... Mediocre. Im not saying it's easy, but it's clearly lacking in a multitude of areas. Perhaps I'll cover these in authentic review breakdowns in the future. Perhaps not. It's overhyped for what you get. And for those saying "But numbers!!! It's doing well!" not only have numbers dipped but more importantly not everything of higher quality/passion/deserving gets there - at least not as rapidly. Look at people who constantly scam their audiences like Tana (scams, lazy, not really that entertaining unless you're young, pulls an obnoxious childish tantrum for attention), or drama fuelled people like Trisha Paytas, or even proven vile individuals like Jeffree Starr (though he IS very talented), Shane Dawson (mediocre 'documentaries'), Onision (though luckily he's getting less glory which means less kids to ruin), etc etc. Some only run a career from controversy. Some have genuine talent but not the attitude to match, etc etc. How often do we find many hidden gems or underrated glory? Exactly that! Exactly that. As for Hazbin? Eh too. Honestly I can't fucking stand Angel Dust. He's shitty, flat (in characterisation), mostly a stereotype (for BOTH the hypersexual predatory gay -aka the 1950s perspective, or the uwu cute fluffy innocent boi. He's just... Flat), not particularly interesting to me nor my cup of tea. And though absolutely none of you are actually privy to my reasonings or experiences, Ive met and currently know some nasty AD-types and suffered some shit. That's my business I'll get more into soon. TLDR; I dont like the main protagonist (ONE of the main). And no, it's nothing to do with sex work or sexuality. It's sad I even have to say that. Charlie's new design whilst better than the old design is

still kinda crap. Have little hope in Hazbin - both in success but more importantly in my personal interest of it. I'll probably still draw and cosplay and what not, but I aint a fan. Simple as really. Again Ive seen better things at the same stage. It's just massively overhyped and has a fanbase of those it claims it wasnt for - just shows how shit the marketing is. Also Sam and Raph for the official team is bad. Luckily they arent writers, but they're both very questionable. One could argue that for most staff and fans tbf but still. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Other Hazzy thoughts incl the staff and fandom PLUS the interactions here PLUS PLUS if any of those thoughts have changed:

Errrrr, right. To try to briefen shit, I dont support the staff or majority of the fandom. So fucking much hatred, hiveminded toxicity. Hell, the utter sweetheart who told me a H*skerD*st Discord was ragging on me (tbf that's online and just people for you, the thing that bothers me is this thing Im about to say plus the fact that these fans were almost encouraged to bully and harass me, that's obviously not ok. Shit talk me if it helps you and if you're healthy to yourself about it. Shit talk to mates or in private. But dont just encourage harassment, false rumours, be an onlooker to this shit or anything of that nature. That's shitty on you. Whilst I value honesty, I also acknowledge and accept people do shit talk. That's fine, we've all done it. Just dont encourage shitty things and act later to stop it nor be an onlooker to it. That's just disgusting of you) turns out in that group is a fan of HH, and a HB artist, HunterGirl (Look, you're talented, I dont like you and Im very aware that's semi-mutual, tbh I aint that big on your radar to hate, just more of a 'Oh that prick' sorta jobby. I aint got that much of an inflated ego LOL. But if you by chance see this - I know yall have me on blacklist to not talk about - but just... You're a fucking STAFF member. This isn't professional of you. Tbf, none of SH is professional imo but you need to conduct yourself better. To see the bts shit talking - if you could even call it that - is just... It's just disappointing to see you interact with fans this way and allow such shit to happen for so long. It's immature and the fact that SH FANS are getting these personal interactions with you to see this... I know they're on your side but you need to set a better example of how to conduct yourself - especially at the level of publicity you have. Ive seen so many of the SH staff and even Viv to this current day still do twatish things and bully smaller artists and whatnot. Please just set a better example of conduct and hold YOURSELF to better standards. Though - again - if in the unlikely circumstance that you see this, I do appreciate you eventually putting a stop to it. It's just moreso 1) Behaving professionally as well as an appropriate relationship with fans with clear boundaries - note to onlookers: Hunter hasnt done anything predatory to my knowledge, I just mean that interacting with fans is different than to your mates - and 2) Dont allow harassment to happen. It's fine if theres a healthy space to rant about it or be annoyed, but the harassment, bullying and outright denial some of your people had over MY traumas is utterly disrespectful and immature. I just appreciate that for the most part, those particular fans would either have me blacklisted/blocked here as well or will respect my space also).

I dont want to go into massive details but I just dont like most SH fans. Some are fucking lovely and many are amazingly talented. But many are just the reason people instantly hate something without giving it a chance. It's a self written self defeating prophecy almost. Cult-like mindset (note cult-*like*). Hiveminded with minimal difference or tolerance to individuality - no respect for that so everyone bullies one another to prove their more righteous and it's pathetic. Most fans, I just dislike. Will I hate and harass? Fuck no, never have. But Ive stood my corner. As youve seen, I dont tolerate shit. We all deserve some level of respect and if you're going to throw me under the bus over thinking differently then I'll defend myself. It's two way. None of you lot should tolerate bullying or unnecessary vitriol either. On those lines, there's also a fuckin rumour awhile back that I was a bully and bullying Viv LOL To clarify, criticism isnt bullying. And honestly? Seeing the sort Viv is, she needs tough love, less control and more flexibility to mature. She's spoilt and it shows. She ruins her own potential. If A24 give her too much say, HH will be just as corny and mediocre as HB. It's trying too hard to be BoJack and coming out more like Family Guy Hell, instead of being it's OWN thing, telling it's OWN story and what not. Viv, stop trying to fucking fit in and please everyone with your stupid ships and whatnot like YanDev with his daft Easter Eggs. Both of you bend over for the wrong sorts. Compromise with the right ones and grow a lot! Tbh my criticism's here were nicer. Why? Because I wanted her to grow and succeed. Past tense. Part of me feels if this fails, it may be that push she needs to force herself into self growth and improvement, however I'm not going to personally orchestrate that. For starts, she's great at that alone. Secondly, I'm just being a critic. Im not going out of my way to fucking bully anyone. Im far too busy for one, and secondly it's just not appropriate. I'll stand my ground and defend but that's it. If anyone - anyone - was to be my target to take down personally... It's highly unprofessional and inappropriate to mention but it'd be like someone who harms kids or animals. Not some petty Mean Girl Wannabes online. But dangerous big fry. Where I'd actually contribute to doing something to protect others. Viv and Co are just... Idk. Theyre just your classic bitchy clique at times and hide some of their incompetence's and horrible behaviours publicly yet are still mostly the same nasties they always have been. They can do better if they put in the hard work to see that and do it. If anything, they just enable one anothers bad habits. They behave cruelly. They flock together with their own sort. They're not particularly wonderful or role models but they arent bottom of the barrel. I'll say some harsh shit about them but I wont make up shit (If I spread a source that turns out false, lmk and I'll get to that! Dislike false information) and I wont encourage anyone to be a twat to others. If I find out anyone following is behaving a fool, I'll let them know to behave better. I dont like Viv. I dont like most of her staff (I like Monica, we mainly talk about her bird tbh. She's been lovely so far and her bird keeping advice is useful. See? Proof animals are the key to being better, animals just join folks. Praise animals! XD). Most of them have very bad vibes and red flags. I dont support being cunts to them either. If you wish to vocally voice distaste by all means! But never seek them out to be horrid nor send others. Just dont. I wish Spindle would behave better and genuinely grow as people but they wont - not in the current state theyre in. Self feeding cycle. Its a wasteful shame. Though... If ANYONE has read my things and gone off to bully or harass anyone, you're a fucking dolt and need to re-evaluate your conduct! Dont be a prick. Being courteous should NOT be as difficult as people online are portraying. It's shameful!

I dislike the fucking drama, hate and how vile nearly everyone involved is - from fans to staff. Really, it's unwarranted and for those claiming to add to positive rep, you're fucking ace at killing diversity within fandoms. Embrace both similarity and difference. Both are GOOD. Unless being a toxic twat is involved then very bad! And toxic as in all this bullying and shit. Not everything is or will be positive, but if hate isnt present or a warrant for war, then it can be used to improve. But what do I know, I'm just the window cleaner.

Also yes, I hate HD still. For my traumas, I - like many others online - felt pressured to justify my opposing opinion by the inclusion of my traumas. Ultimately it was still me to post those. But truthfully? No one owes you shit. If someone says something triggers or has any traumatic connection - no matter how silly seeming - just take it as is. Congrats, some people lie in life. But for those like myself who were honest, it's shit to be gruellingly transparent about our hurts. No one is entitled to that. You arent my medical team. You arent anyone who is there to assist me in my experiences. And you have absolutely NO right to dictate to me the reality of my experiences as well as their impact. I do not owe you any details of my experiences. And they are not your weapons. They arent weapons at all. Regardless, many both agreed and disagreed. But for the love of god, no one owes details for others to judge if they warrant a trigger. Just be respectful. For that period, you know what happened bts? I posted my peace on my profile. People came to me both agreeing and disagreeing. People also came to me with hatred and harassment and gaslighting. Never did I seek out others. If someone has pro-HD, I just block those tags, those people, that related stuff as best as possible. Alas, I do not need others to validate and authenticate my traumas nor do I need to be open about them to explain my reasonings to anyone. Hate it, love it, dont care. But I have my opinions and this is one of those I will not shift on for personal reasons. That's all any stranger needs to know. Agree to disagree, respect that, move on. Finally on this section. Im aware HH/HB are religious liberations for Viv. I can respect that. I understand religion isnt something that everyone can see fondly. Hell it's harmful to some via traumas and what have you. But I'll respectfully disagree on your approaches to sex positive (which comes off more fetishing and 1 dimensional than more in depth and fleshed out and varied, as well as cheating being this scandalous thrill - which cheating is shit even if the partner isnt great. Just split. Adults act like babies sometimes, and I mean that about the real world) as well as compatibility and religion/beliefs. I just ask that 1) at LEAST be respectful about Voudou (which helped black slaves feel liberation in times of severe oppression and slavery for poc) as well as 2) Look, personally basing designs on deities can be risky. But if there's 2 things I'll warn it's that you need to be careful using real sigils (make up a false one based on the original and strip it of power or something) and your versions of genuine demons are... yikes. Just fucking go full throttle on artistic liberties to make your own or... Just make your own! I'm not asking you to believe, but to know when to be respectful. Religion is portrayed as ultimate good and ultimate evil no matter what, just be more skillful at this. Dont claim to be this demonology pro when what you show proves otherwise. Make it clear to fans that these are different to the actual ones. Something. Just at least respect Voudou and be careful with real sigils. Hell even if you have to be cliche and misuse the pentagram and pentacle, it's safer. Making your own would be more useful in uniquely branding yourself safely. And research. But it feels less of liberation for something that's oppressed and hurt you and more so just petty mockery for revenge as well as unresolved other pains on your side. I dont doubt it's harmed you - but SHOW, make us feel, and breathe in that expressive liberation. Something-

Future of this blog:

I'll still haunt the shit out of you.

In less ominous terms, I'll be on-off I suppose. Less SpindleHorse focused as the drama aint worth it and I dont like most folks attached. Just most are fuelled by being a knobhead. I can name people here in my head that it's clear they gang together and intentionally bait fights whilst having paper thin, water damaged counter points themselves. CBA. That being said, it's my blog and I'll post whatever for me. If you dont take interest or want to harass, leave. If you like it, stay. But BUT if Im misinformed or ignorant or anything like that, just tell me politely. Educate me. Help me grow. We can help each other. It's not hard if you reach out peacefully and in a friendly way. Encourage growth in others. Just... Dont be a bellend.

Anyways, Im going to imagine taking a shit as I clean out the Snowminator. Why? Because he needs a clean and I dont have the fucking foggiest if I actually need the loo or if Im just bored.

[crossdressingdeath]

You are being a bit too hard on JYL. While she wasn't a perfect sister, she was also a victim to her parents dysfunctional relationship and she was only 2 years older than the boys. She was a poor cultivator and had a very weak constitution. She also had no political power despite her high birth. I'm pretty sure she never got any apologies for any of the slights against her character and on the pheonix mountain scene doesn't Jin Zixun storm off and then madam jin completely dismisses the situation as JYL being silly? Madam Jin loves JYL but I would say she doesn't respect her. JGS doesn't respect Madam Jin either so even if JYL went to her, nothing would be done. However JZXuan does invite WWX genuinely so I would say JYL was trying to improve WWX's situation as much as she could. As for not giving any financial support, she was completely dependent on JC and then the Jins, so I dont see how she could have helped there. Also I could totally see JC selling JYL to the Jins to appease JGS so she could be used as a political hostage against WWX.

Some points, in no particular order: First off, Madam Jin for sure respects JYL. Yeah, she dismisses JZXun insulting WWX (that’s important; he’s insulting WWX, a glorified servant, not JYL) because WWX is just a servant, but when JYL says that this isn’t a minor thing to her Madam Jin orders JZXun to apologise. To a servant. To appease JYL. That suggests the opposite of what you’re saying; it suggests that Madam Jin adores and respects JYL enough that she’ll force her family to lower themselves to the level of a man viewed by the Jins as a servant for her sake. And if she’s prepared to do that, maybe she could be convinced to do other things! Like... I don’t know, send servants to buy some food at market that can then be sent to Yiling? Or, alternately, JYL could ask the adoring husband who will give her anything she wants for money which she could then send to Yiling. And if she doesn’t trust anyone from Lanling (or Yunmeng; if she can ask JC to bring her to Yiling she can ask him to deliver some money) enough to think they could be persuaded to help her out with this, including the brother who she knows knows the Wens and WWX are innocent, then that raises a whole bunch of other questions about things like why the fuck she trusted anything the Jiangs and Jins said about WWX.

In fact, that’s kind of the issue here. Everything about her being dependant on JC and then the Jins raises an important question: if she, as she seems to, doesn’t doubt that JC and the Jins are being honest in their dealings with WWX... then why doesn’t she ask them to help him? Why doesn’t she even try? She goes to the Burial Mounds with JC and sees how badly things are going for WWX... and doesn’t feel the need to question whatever story JC gave her about what WWX was doing?

See, that’s the problem at the end of the day. It’s not about whether JYL could have done anything (although I’d say she could’ve done more than she did), it’s about whether or not she tried. Which... there’s no evidence she did. She brings WWX soup one time, but there’s no evidence that she tried to send him and his people actual supplies, or the means to acquire those supplies on their own. She convinces JZX to invite WWX to JL’s one month anniversary, but JZX is still assuming that WWX is the aggressor even though at least in CQL JYL knows for a fact he’s not and should have told him that. She shows up in her fucking wedding dress talking about her approaching marriage to the son of the man who’s in the process of ruining WWX’s life and there isn’t a single word that implies she’s at all unhappy with this situation; while I did say that JC could have forced her to marry JZX against her will there is no evidence that that was in fact the case and it looks more like he was just doing what she wanted him to. (Honestly the wedding dress thing in general is like... on the surface it’s a sweet gesture, and I’m sure that’s what she meant it as, but if you think about it her showing up in the dress WWX won’t be able to see her get married in to give him enough soup to keep a couple people fed for maybe a day when he’s got fifty starving civilians up that mountain and let him name the nephew he’s never going to get to meet and talk about her marriage into the family that’s currently running a massive smear campaign to get WWX killed and then leaving and as far as we see never trying to help him after that beyond wrangling him an invite to an event that clearly no one wants him at besides her is such a slap in the face whether that was intentional on her part or not that I’m surprised it doesn’t get talked about more.)

Look, JYL may be a woman in a patriarchal society and a weak cultivator, but it does not follow that she has no power. Or that no one respects her or is willing to apologise to her for slights against her, for that matter. She’s the sister of a sect leader. The wife of a sect heir. Even if she failed to actually achieve anything, the fact is that her lack of suspicion towards her family (by birth and marriage) and their actions in regards to WWX’s situation makes it pretty obvious to me that either she asked them to help or look further into the matter and didn’t feel the need to question why the only person willing to so much as make an attempt was her husband... or she didn’t ask at all. And the latter seems more likely, given how we see her react to conflict between her brothers; it’s “boys will be boys” and “they’re just teasing, they’re as bad as each other” all the way down, even when JC is threatening WWX with his literal worst fear or telling him that the children of servants will never amount to anything. JYL will defend WWX from outsiders, but the second he’s being targeted by JC she just decides everything’s fine. Maybe she really couldn’t have helped him! Maybe bringing him a bowl of soup and pretending everything was fine really was all she could do! But given there’s no mention either from her or from the narration itself that she so much as tried to do more... Well, it raises questions, and the fact that those questions are never brought up in this fandom means that I perhaps feel the need to be a little firmer on this point than I might be otherwise.

[msmarvelwrites]

The Winter Soldier - Part 15

Info: A Devastating car crash causes you to lose your memory and start over. The only thing left in the wreckage was the horrific nightmares which plagued your mind. If you knew what today would entail you would have just stayed in bed. But you didn’t and because of that, everything you knew was about to change.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Warnings: swearing, gun violence. 

W/c: 2.9k

A/n: I’m double posting for @kalesrebellion​ because she called me out. So here you go babe. Also, I did an embarassing amount of research trying to come up with the basics for the serum. But I concluded that this is fiction and it doesnt really matter. But if you’re ur a science major and this doesnt make sense please dont come for me lol

There are moments in your life that define you. Moments you look back on after everything and wonder, if you had listened to your gut, maybe it would be different. This was one of those moments. Bucky’s world shattered around him as Natasha’s words rang through his comm. 

“We’ve been compromised, Buck. I’ve been hit. They got Y/n.” Her voice, broken and solemn. 

No. 

Dammit, NO.

This isn't how this was supposed to happen. This was an easy job. Only a few Hydra agents resided in this compound. The whole thing felt like a dream. One he was completely and utterly unprepared to handle. How could he let this happen. He should have been there. 

“Dammit. What's your location? I'm coming to you.” He shouted. His blood began to boil and he heard your heavy breathing on the other side. You were running. “Y/n, please come in. Please, doll. Where are you?” Bucky hated how broken he sounded. He knew the rest of the team could hear his begging, but he didnt care. He couldn't. He just needed to get to you. 

“You always were a fighter. Right till the bitter end.” A man’s muffled voice came through his comm. He didn't recognize it as anyone he knew, but there was something familiar about it. A distant memory he couldn't quite piece together. Before he could speak, your voice broke though, a small whisper shattering his heart and sending him into a blind rage. 

“Bucky” You breathed, choking on a cough. 

“Y/n. I’m coming to you, doll. Don't worry, I've got you. I’m going to get you out of this. Don't worry, I’m coming.” He pleaded, but was only met with static, and then finally silence. The rest of the team kept quiet, waiting for any kind of sign of life from you. When none came, Nat spoke up. 

“Guys, we gotta get out of here. They've set off a security alert, this place is going to blow in three minutes.” Her voice was now back to its usual tone, but Bucky knew better. She was scared, he could hear it.  “ There’s no sign of her out here. She’s just… gone.” He could hear that she was running now.

“Bucky, we gotta go.” Steve spoke from beside him. Bucky’s head snapped to his friend, eyes wide and body still frozen. 

“We can't leave. Not without her.” He all but begged. 

“You heard Natasha, she’s on her way.” He paused, “Nat, you got the files?” He spoke into his earpiece, motioning Bucky to follow him to the entrance they had come through. 

“Yeah, I have them. Thanks for asking by the way. I’m great, two more bullet holes in my gut, but yeah, files are more important.” She scoffed, causing Steve to roll his eyes.  “I’m headed to the entrance right now.”

“No, I’m not leaving without Y/n!” Bucky tried to pull away from Steve, but he was stronger. A fact he would never admit to the guy, his head was already big enough. 

“She’s not here Buck. They wouldn't blow the compound with her in it.” He persisted.

Sam’s voice interjected, “Jet’s fired up, you guys better get the fuck outta there. We have less than a minute.” 

Bucky and Steve ran through the dark hallways together until they almost slammed into Nat’s small frame. He gasped when she appeared in the hollow moonlight. Her face was contorted in pain, something he was all too familiar with. Guilt.

“I lost her. I’m so sorry, it was my job to-” She broke off into a sob. Bucky wanted to agree. Yell that if she was a better agent- a better person his girl would be coming home with them. But he couldn't... This was on him. He knew it was a bad idea to bring you on the mission. He deserved all the blame. 

“She’s not dead. Not yet anyways. But we will be if we don't get out of here.” Steve yelled over the alarms blaring in the hallway. 

Bucky and Nat both nodded, and followed Steve across the field. Before they could reach the jet, the warehouse behind them rumbled before letting out an earth shattering explosion, sending the two of them flying into the ground. Without hesitation, Bucky grabbed Natasha's hand and pulled her from the ground. He wrapped her arm around his shoulder and all but dragged her body onto the jet. 

“Vision’s been alerted we need medical. He’s been staying at a safe house in Munich. We can be there in thirty minutes.” Steve spoke urgently, rifling through the cabinets of the jet looking for the first aid kit. 

“Seriously guys, it's a flesh wound. I’m- Ah!” Nat screamed in pain as the jet hit a spout of turbulence. 

“Like you were saying.” Wanda smirked, placing her hands carefully on Nats' wound. Her hands glowed a deep red as she tried to relieve the pain. The spy’s face relaxed, but only for a moment before she was back to worried. 

“He’s alive, Buck.” Nat spoke, and when she did, he could hear the fear in her words. 

“Who?” Steve demanded, but Nat’s eyes stayed put on Bucky’s. 

“Tommy. She said his name in the hallway. It was him, Buck. He’s not dead. He’s the one that shot me, the one that took her.” Nat flinched in pain as Wanda's hands fell from her side. 

“That’s not possible.” Bucky shook his head. “Steve found my mission file. I killed him. I remembered it. You just don't walk away from that.” 

“Well, clearly you do.” Nat spoke sarcastically, pointing to the gushing holes in the body. 

“So Tommy’s alive? And he’s Hydra now?” Wanda asked, suddenly realising her hands were not on Nat’s wounds anymore. She placed them back silently apologising. 

“And he’s got Y/n.” Bucky added, his jaw clenched in anger. 

“We’ll get her back.” Steve spoke. He placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder which he quickly shrugged off, pacing back and forth through the small aircraft. 

“I know we will. And i’m going to finish the fucking job and tear that prick in two.” He seethed, mostly to himself. 

He tried to focus on the task at hand. Desperately brainstorming how to get to you, but his mind was spirling. How could he just leave you? How could he have been so stupid? The sound of his name leaving your lips echoed around him, only fuling his growing rage. 

“All our tactical suits have hidden trackers in the sleeves. We will hear it go off, but until then we wait. They cant have gotten far.” Steve started as the jet began its descent. “We're almost at the safe house. We’ll track her from there. In the morning, we’ll head out.”

“Morning? That's too long. She could be-'' Bucky cut himself off, too broken at the thought to finish that sentence. “I’ll find her myself tonight.” He grumbled. 

“Oh no you don’t. We’re a team, Buck. We do this together. Vision will be able to enable her tracker. But we need to work together. We can't lose anybody else to impulse decisions.” Steve scolded. 

He knew his friend was right but it didn't make it any easier to agree. All Bucky wanted to go but get you back. Keep you safe and never let anyone touch you again. He tried to keep his distance before, he really did, but that was out the window now. There wasn't a chance in hell he was leaving your side after this. As for the man that ripped you from his grasp, oh boy… He tried not to make a habit out of fantasizing murder, mostly as it resulted in the Winter Soldier coming out of the shadows, but if that was the case with Tommy, so be it. Only when Bucky stood in a pile or carnage and gore and blood would he finally feel peace again...

“We're coming up on the safe house. Y'all ready to bail?” Sam's voice tore Bucky out of his thoughts, and thankfully so. He was sure it was leading to a very destructive path. 

“Buck, help us get Nat inside. Wanda and Sam - sweep the area, make sure no one has followed us. I’ll fill Vision in on what's happened and see if he can turn on Y/n’s tracker now.” Steve commanded as he hopped out of the jet. 

“Can you stand?” Bucky asked, dipping down to tuck Nats arm around his shoulder, helping her up. She nodded reluctantly, wincing in pain as she moved. 

The safe house was a small cabin in the middle nowhere. Munich was only a few minutes down the road but the thick coverage of trees that surrounded the cabin made it feel secluded and hard to be spotted from above.  If they weren't followed, no one would ever know they were here. 

Bucky helped Nat inside, letting Steve and Wanda take over once they were through the door. Before he could enter, he stopped, taking a moment to gaze upon the sun rising over the mountains. In a few hours, he’d be with you again. He just had to make it until then, and pray to whatever god would still have him, that you were alive. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“Продолжай копать. Нам надо её найти.” Keep digging. We have to find it. The voice rang in your mind, waking you from the recurring nightmare. Visions of Tommy and that boyish smile that once brought so much happiness.. His voice, the way it used to say your name, now only causing you ache. 

“Wait, rewind there! Вернись. That’s it.” The voice spoke again, echoing around the room. You opened your eyes slowly, taking in your surroundings, but all you were met with was darkness. You could feel movement around you, but the blindfold tied around your eyes masked their faces. 

“I’m positive she told me what was in that serum.” His voice caused your heart to just about leap from your chest. You knew that voice anywhere. 

“You better be right. You're as good as dead to me otherwise.” Another man spoke. 

“No I’m sure. Wait! Right there. Replay that part.” Tommy asserted. 

Suddenly a headache burned through your temples, scorching the inside of your eyes. You screamed in pain as it coarsed though your body until an image appeared in your mind. It replayed over and over, making you dizzy. 

“Whatcha doing?” Tommy cooed, taking a seat on your desk. 

“Just trying to find the right components.” You spoke, not taking your eyes microscope as you examined the petri dish below. 

“Cummon, baby. You've been at this for hours. Come eat something.” You looked up, Tommy stood there with that big goofy smile you loved so much. 

“I’ve almost got it. Just a little longer.” You reassured him, rolling in your chair and picking up another sample and analysing it. 

“What exactly is, it?” he asked, emphasizing the word. 

“If I mix the steroid with-” 

Another shrieking jolt of pain seared through you as the memory disappeared, leaving you trembling. 

“Go back, we almost had it!” Someone yelled from beside you. 

You tried to scream, to beg them to stop, but it was no use. Before you could try again, the same horrible pain erupted through your body, ripping you back to the distant memory. 

“If I mix the steroid with human blood, it does as it's designed.  But taking into account the theory of nuclear transmutation, we can assume given the right element we can use the serum to absorb its surroundings, right?” You spoke, like it was common sense. 

“Sure…” Tommy chuckled. 

“So, strip down the original serum, add radiation to its compound, now it needs the ability to absorb energy… What element do we know has that power?” it wasn't a question, nor did you think Tommy would know the answer so you continued, “Water, and our bodies are basically made of that. So in turn, if we can create the original serum mixed with high levels of radiation, inject the person, granted you're not killed by that high levels of toxicity, we're looking at a new type of Super Soldier. One that could, in theory, mutate around the serum and absorb its surroundings!” You finally finished.

“I have no idea what any of that means… But it sounds cool. Now put the vile down, and eat something.” He laughed, grabbing the sample out of your hands and carefully placing it on the table next to you.

“Thats it!” Someone shouted. “Of course, why didn't we think of this. Call the commander, tell him we found it.” 

You felt your body twist in agony, but soon the memory left, leaving you back in the dark with disembodied voices echoing around you. 

“What do you want me to do with her?” a man asked. 

“I don't care. убить её?” Kill her? You froze at his words. Even if you could move, your hands were tied down to the chair. Gentally you wiggle your fingers, careful not to draw any attention to yourself. Not that you would be able to tell. The ring that Shuri had made you was still there. If you timed in right, and you still had Wanda’s borrowed power, you could use it to untie yourself and hopefully get the fuck out of this hell hole. 

“Kill her?” Tommy choked. “You didn't say anything about killin’ her?” 

“You should be thankful. The girl’s been sharing a bed with the same man who killed you once before. In fact, I’m so pleased with your work developing this memory decoder that I’ll give you the honour.” The man spoke, shuffling around the room. “Here, tell me when you're done having your fun.” A few heavy footsteps later, and you finally heard the door close. The silence was deafening, but eventually, Tommy let out a deep breath and took a step towards you, ripping your blind fold off. 

You squinted as you tried to acclimate your eyes to the lighting of the room. It was small and dark, but a few dim lights hung above you illuminating Tommy's features. Once upon a time you would have described them as strong and rugged. Now they seemed to loom over you, sending a shiver down your spine. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, softer than you expected. You quickly clocked the pistol in his left hand and tried to suppress a scoff. 

“Am I okay?” You gawked at him. “You just dug through my head like a sand pit. No- no I’m not okay you shit head!” You screamed. 

Tommy chuckled, using the gun to scratch the back of his neck. “Touché…” He spoke, pulling up a stool and plopping himself down on it infront of you. “I missed that attitude baby. Really, these past couple years have been hell without you. These guys are really scary, but I told em- I said, my girl will know what to do. And you did, baby. I never doubted you.” His voice was like honey. Thick and sickenly sweet. 

“What are you talking about?! I thought you were dead!? I mourned you, asshole. And you've been alive this whole time, working against me?” You couldn't believe how cavalier he was being about this. Tommy only shrugged, fuling the rage inside you. 

“Nah, it's not like that. I was dead, really I was. But then Hydra came and BOOM I was back. They promised me that they’d keep me safe, as long as I could help em get that serum you were always talkin’ bout. Said they wanted to give it time in your system, make sure it didn't kill ya.” He started, narrowing his eyes slowly, “You grieved me? That's a funny way of putting it. Cause from what I saw in that head of yours, you were pretty chummy with that Soldier.”  

You couldn't stifle the scoff that erupted in your mouth. “You're kidding right? Jesus, Tom. They brainwashed me. And I don't need to explain myself. You're sick, you know that?  How could you do this? Do you have any idea what they're going to use that serum for?” You fired the questions off like explosives into his chest, but he didn't even flinch. 

“I don't really care. They told me if I gave em’ your little recipe, they’d let me go.” He shrugged. 

“And so what? Now you're going to kill me?” 

“No… Maybe. I haven't really decided yet.” He looked down at the pistol like it was the first time he really noticed it was there. Contemplating your death like he was deciding between his morning coffee. 

“I would get going on that if I were you.” You lifted your hands, wiggling your wingers playfully “Really, Tommy, you're not cut out for this line of work.” You spat, jumping from your seat and landing a hard kick to his gut, sending him flying back. The gun ricocheted off the ground and hit the wall, but before he could react, you grabbed it. In one swift move you turned the safety off and placed your finger on the trigger. 

“Cummon baby, let's talk about this.” He raised his hands in surrender. “You wouldn't shoot me.” 

You cocked a brow, “You sound really confident in that statement. Especially for a boy who was debating my death a moment ago.” You argued. 

“Dont take it personally, baby. Anything you can do, I can do better. Remember?” You smirked. 

................................................................................................................................

A/n: Another Cliff hanger? Yes. Do I know how to wrote anything else? No... My bad lol. I hope your enjoyed this one as much as I did writing it! As always, @cutie1365​ is the bomb dot com for editing this for me. Tommy sucks, we both agree. I hope he gets whats coming to him... please leave some love and reblog if you read it! 

@kalesrebellion​

@projectcampbell​

@calwitch​

[zwiezraczek]

Part 2 of my Fate: Winx Saga rant! Pop corns, and get in losers!

So we were left at the shocking news that the fairy lady Rosalia (is that even her name??? Edit: It's Rosalind okay)) was alive. Would never have imagined that

I love Ben's magical pot that makes smoke. Dope.

Oh my lord, is Riven going to fuck anyone in this show? Like when will he fuck Sky? I need answers because he acts like a fucking rabbit

Bloom you motherfucker making Aisha do this for your own thing? You disgustang Bloomelinda

Oooh his name's Dane. My bad mister sir. You're still an asshole but now at least you apologised.

I'm rolling my eyes SO HARD at Bloomelinda right now

Oooooh wait. Sam's a fairy. So male fairies are real. Wow.

"You look like him" Bloom to Sky about him looking like his father. I love this deep dialogue line

Riven is so fucking stupid. Sky is so fucking stupid. Bringing them both in this series was a big big mistake

Musa and Sam were cute. But now they're annoying. Gna gna we're a secret couple, boooho Twilight booohooo we're so cute and ✨different✨

Okay, I got it Stella had it bad and stuff and her mom is a fucking bitch but it doesn't allow her to be a bitch on her own so sorry, but I'm not buying it

Angry Sky hit the punching ball. Hit hit punch punch mad mad

Oh but Sky inteligent he understand Beatrix BAD

This school's so inefficient oh my god and the royal guards? Don't even get me started. Like yes it's a teenagers show but it is all so simple. Okay I got that they had six episodes but holly shit

Wow, war crimes now. This show is getting better and better.

Bellatrix gives me that basic bitch vibes that Cheryl had in Riverdale. If she had sister that would have been way more balanced, and it's sad because she would have been a GREAT Icy I think

I LEGIT would love to see that Sky is Bloom's brother or whatever I'm so fucking done and sick of this fucking couple

Stella thought she had ✨friends✨ I'm WHEEZING and if they consider themselves her friends they're shitty ones because they spat on her since the very beginning (and she spat on them, but like glittery spiting kind of thing you know)

Silvio getting maaad along with the teachers. Wow, dark shit. Farah's going to kill Bloomelinda and Beatrix for sure I can SMELL IT

Dane you stupid bitch helping Bloomelinda you're a disaster I don't get it why is he doing this'???

Yeah of course, you can HEAL HIM NOW YOU'RE A FUCKING HEALER WOW

Riven tries to be nice with Terra? ✨Nice moves✨

That's magic. Riven knows he's stupid. It's an epiphany. Alleluia.

Dane is now Bea's pawn. Everything is great, everything is fucking great.

I LOVE the resistance that Bloomelinda had when Skylord took the book from her hands. She was so ✨powerless✨

Oh poor baby boo Stella, being a bitch because of her mom awww... I just can't sympathise. Like, I just can't. No no no.

Is this a game of who had the most fucked up childhood in this series and Terra is definitely loosing that game? Skylander, Stellaroid and Bloomelinda are winning for the moment

Oh the ✨kiss✨ between long lost siblings. How lovely (I still stand by this stupid idea because their couple is wrong in so many other ways why just not add this??? Huh???)

Bloomelinda is so so stupid. Aisha shouldn't cover her fucking ass up.

"Our friend" EXCUSE-LE-MOI STELLA BUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP IS FUCKED UP IF WE CAN CALL THIS A """"FRIENDSHIP"""" uuuuhg I'm so mad

I'M WHEEZING THIS STORY'S A PURE COMEDY AND THIS ROSALIND LADY? IMMACULATE

OF COURSE BITCHES WILL HELP BLOOMELINDA (and you know what? I'm happy thait Aisha didn't follow them for the moment being)

Beatrix's death was the peak of comedy in this series I love it

Aisha you're dat gal really. You did the right thing for once. Like she was the Black Friend™ and now she's the Black Bad Friend ™ but it's fine. Well it isn't but well ay least she's not serving Bloomelinda

WITCHES? BEATRIX? TOO MANY THINGS TO KNOW AND LISTEN ABOUT

I know what? These cheap dialogues are sending me

This is the best first year one could have asked for wahoo

Silvio straight up killed Sky's dad I'm WHEEZING

So, basically this show is about being flawed? Okay I got it. Nicely put, very nicely put.

You remember the contest about a tragic childhood? Well Terra's still loosing but Musa is winning now, sorry Double S and Bloomelinda

Wahou we got wings. I should be happy but I'm not. Is this bad?

Beatrix's DAD????

Okay Riven is bad guy and Dane too. Love it, it's all irony

I love how originally the Winx were all about Bloom but the others were super important too but here it's all about Bloomelinda & Cie and I hate that

Their friendship at the end is so fake I just ugh

SKY'S DAD IS ALIVE BRWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh Farah ded now

This series just shat on my fucking face. Like without any remorse. It made me watch this shit and put out more shit about all of this.

I just want to say that this series just tried to be my friend at the beginning and I really wanted it.to be my funny friend, but now that shit went down I dont' want it anymore. Fuck it.

[doomstypewriter]

abt the last ask: u dont have to include it ofc (if u write it at all) but i thought id let u know that its based on the mental image i suddenly had of j climbing up to pats window, knocking on the shutters, pat pulling him in by his lapels and immediately kissing him (if you can even call it that with how hard theyre smiling) & then sometime later pat hearing like his dads footsteps coming toward his room as theyre making out so pat scrambles off his bf & shoves him in his closet (the irony)

Anon, finally, here you have it, but with a twist. This got completely out of hand, as per usual when I write anything. Since you were so nice (/li) to send me your request in two parts, I will actually break your prompt into two parts, otherwise, it’s never going to end. I hope you’re pleased by the first part, also, I am answering to this first because it matches the content of the first part. 

Thank you so much for your lovely prompt! Hope you enjoy! 

If anyone wants to be tagged for this let me know in a comment!

AO3

Chapter 2 >>

We call it an affair because it’s a forbidden romance

Summary:  An encounter in the dark. The disdain of society. A forbidden romance. Royalty is involved and a title is at stake. Will an aspiring count, Patton Morandi and his rogue lover Janus overcome the barriers laid in front of them?

(We're in it for the drama)

---

“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”.

“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?”

Word count: 3848

Pairings: Moceit, future Prinxiety.

TW:  Homophobia, internalised homophobia, deadnaming a trans person, misogyny, mentions of religion, hopelessness, ideological things you would expect from the period (I'm not sure if there's anything else, but please tell me).

Chapter 1 of 2: 

Balcony kiss

How the moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. It was a mostly clear summer evening, the second day of the week-long festival. The sounds of music and colourful lights could be heard and seen from the distance, but gradually decreased as a certain thief made its way across the gardens of Villa Morandi. For certain, the head of the family would not be excessively happy about the entire ordeal, but no disgruntlement could come out of those things of which one has no knowledge of, and Janus surely intended to keep his entanglement a secret. 

He crossed the bushes and jumped over marble balustrades expertly, careful to avoid the lights of the servant quarters, where their residents were reading themselves for departure. 

“Signor Morandi seems to be in good spirits lately, it is fortunate that most of us can leave for the festival”. 

Any news about the man was something worth listening to, given his situation, so he decided to stay and see if they mentioned something useful. Also, he, admittedly, enjoyed gossip. 

“Loretta! Don’t be such a bragger in front of us!”

“Why? I’d say the only one lamenting not being able to go is you. You should be ashamed for dragging poor Virginia in with you to make yourself sound less self-centred”. 

Janus silently nodded. 

“That is not true! I am merely trying to make the newcomer feel welcome! And here you are making her feel excluded, who is now in the wrong?” 

Weak retort, wannabe-partygoer, he thought. 

“Va, va…” the other maid answered dismissively “Quit holding her like that! Don’t you see she’s uncomfortable?! Povera bambina”. 

“Come on Virginia, don’t you think it’s a waste for such a wrinkly woman to be let out instead of us?” 

“Who are you calling old?!” 

“You did, but now that you so kindly brought it up, you are old! Turning wrinklier by the second!” 

Alright, at this point, Janus could not help but be rooting for Loretta, going for the old card was the low-hanging fruit. 

“I may be your senior, but I promise you that regardless of that nonsense about wrinkles you’re babbling I’m ten times more fair looking!”

“Ah!” she exclaimed with feigned indignation. “Can you believe her? She’s delusional!”

“Well then, the delusional one will not search for a man at the festival, such a pity I will not be introducing anyone to you this week!”

He smiled at the comeback. Way to go, Loretta. 

“Loretta! Just because you had the luck to get engaged doesn’t give you the right to rob others of their chances. Don’t be so mean, I’ll apologise if I must”. 

“Alright, but never dare call me wrinkly again, for you will owe this old woman when I find you a husband. Virginia, I can help you too if you want it, I know plenty of young lads who would love to…” 

“Oh, no, I’m not really interested”. 

At this point Janus had quenched his thirst for amusement and begun to lose his interest, having more pressing matters to attend to. But, one new comment made him reconsider the usefulness of his eavesdropping for longer on the ladies’ conversation. 

“That’s right, Loretta, don’t you see she’s here on official duty. To suggest for her to slack off with men… ts, ts… “

“Oh, you shut up! Don’t fret, Virginia, dear, I should have remembered you were sent for an urgent matter”. 

“True, true! Tell us if you can, is it as they say? Was her ladyship done in by pirates?” 

“Elda! Such crude language, you dare call yourself a lady, how can you say something so insensitive?”

“What? You want to know as badly as I do, besides, if it is true, then there is no changing it, and if it’s not then it’s fine, as her ladyship is still alive”. 

“I’m so sorry, Virginia, just ignore her”. 

“Don’t worry. As far as I’m willing to say, her ladyship still lives but I cannot disclose any further information”. 

Oh. 

No. 

When one spies on others, bad news exists as a possibility, but, usually, in the form of getting caught. This happened to be worse. Being spotted? That he could deal with. Having his heart ripped out after one stellar month? Not so much. 

He ran. 

Not from his problems. More or less towards them. 

The marble balcony seemed as unreachable as ever. A sense of dread loomed over his thoughts, while a mix of feelings, now turned into urgency, settled in his heart. 

Raising a hand Janus willed his trustworthy companion to fall from the nightly skies. Meanwhile, he began to climb the walls of the manor. There was an undeserved elegance in his motions, not becoming of such an honourless goal, and, nevertheless, fitting for a thief like him. 

The hawk swept inside the room from a window and cast the doors to the balcony open. 

Janus promptly grabbed onto the bass of the marble balustrade. One month ago he had received news of something that would simplify his life. He knew he should not care, it was going to end poorly no matter what. But, rereading two months worth of love letters and hoping for an uncertain future, he could not help but feel happy. That made his resolve to return in time for the festival. 

From the room came a sound of rushing footsteps. 

Three months of yearning to see a face again. 

That image made Janus more desperate, and, in his haste, he committed one fatal mistake. His grip on the marble slipped. At a thirty feet height, the ground beckoned him. 

But, just when his doom seemed so certain, he was caught by the front of his cape and safely gathered against a pair of lips. 

With such smiles stretching their faces, it could barely be called a kiss. But, the intensity of the affections behind it rendered the notion meaningless. 

“My love”, Janus muttered as they parted ever so slightly. 

“You scared me, silly. I miss you for three months and when you’re returned to me I almost lose you for good”. 

“Let’s be happy you were there to catch me”. 

“Thank the Lord, and if He wills it, I will always be”. 

“I ought to be grateful to you, my dear, not the ones above” he answered while stepping to the safe side of the balcony. 

“Well, our poor feathery friend can’t be too happy about that” Patton laughed dismissively, gazing at Janus’ hawk. 

“You’re right. I neglect to show my gratitude, perhaps you could give me somewhere to start?”

“Oh, but how can I hand you my room, my sweet, the stones of the house are too heavy!” 

“So long away and what I least expect is not you saving my life, but finding myself having missed your nonsense”. 

“Is it nonsense when I make you smile like this?” 

Janus laughed in delight. 

“Let me make you smile in turn, then”, he said, whilst extending his hand. 

The touch of Patton’s palm felt like a warm pressure through the barrier of his leather gloves. Perhaps all of his interactions were as imperfect as their naked hands not being able to meet. Janus’ fake gallantry, their hopes, may be short-lived in the face of change. But, for now, he would rather enjoy pretending. 

He pulled Patton to the inside of the alcove. 

“Are you refined now?” Patton laughed. 

“Of course, I have always been. Whatever could lead you to ask such a question? If I were to be a thief, which I am not, I would be the most honourable”. 

There was a certain amount of delight to be found in catching his lover in the midst of changing into his night robes, judging by those being laid out onto the bed’s ostentatious covers. Despite such a degree of luxury surrounding Patton, he still refused to task any servant to dress him. What was there not to love about the man? 

Patton made a motion as if to hold his hands, only to surprise him by pulling his gloves off. Any other person, and it would have been a display of sensuality, coming from him, it was like movement turned into honey, perhaps a mixture of both. Indeed, there was everything to love about him. 

Maybe not all. Janus dreaded to admit how deep in he had allowed himself to be for this man. 

A fool for a good man. 

His hands felt the light night coldness in their grip on the linen shirt. Janus almost wanted to chastise himself as the thought of kissing away the kiss of the midnight breeze came to mind. He hid in the curve of Patton’s neck, sliding his lips along it, feeling like a coward whispering a lie. Countless lies. Telling himself this was enough, that he could bear the thought of this man taken away from him by a woman, that the thrill in this forbidden form of vice was not his worry taking yet another disguise. 

“Oh, you’re a thief alright”. 

“Is there something of yours I happen to have taken?” Janus retorted with a vague tone of amusement. 

Patton cradled his left cheek in a firm request to see his face. Who was Janus to deny him? 

“You know all too well you have”. 

Oh. 

“Well, that would make two of us”. 

Patton’s expression melted into more honey. It always made Janus unsure as to whether he had made a mistake, no matter how unfounded the doubt was. 

“Thank you” the words rebounded in proximity against the other’s lips. Janus didn’t know Patton could also be cruel. 

“A little sincerity never hurt anyone”. 

“You are not anyone” he smiled softly. 

“Then make the pain up to me”.  

Both their lips made contact like a wax seal on a letter. Janus pushed Patton against a low piece of furniture. From how the other fumbled, he could tell a corner was pressing against him. Despite the sting, Patton still committed himself to their affections. If that wasn’t a metaphor for their relationship Janus didn’t know what it was. Janus knew Patton would disagree, of course. 

It seemed that exchanging one piece of furniture for another, the bed, would not be possible. Someone was knocking on the door. 

“Janus…” Patton panicked in a hushed voice.

“Not a problem, my dear, this is my speciality” he smiled at him. 

Janus’ feet almost flew over the carpet, muffled by the Persian fibres and his expertise on avoiding the parts of the floor that creaked. He turned the key of Patton’s wardrobe without the distinctive noise most people couldn’t avoid. Luckily for them, he wasn’t most people. The door mysteriously closed itself from the inside. Janus could swear to hear Patton draw a breath in wonder as to how he had done it. 

“My son, let me in!” a voice came from the corridor. 

“On my way, father”. 

The mule-like bray of the alcove’s door hinges Janus detested preceded the sound of a set of footsteps he knew and loathed just as well, if not more.

“Were you reading yourself for bed? Ah, do not answer, I can already see your night robes over there. How many times need I tell you, call the servants to dress you, it is unbecoming that you do not. Moreso with the status you are to acquire”. 

Janus almost scoffed upon hearing it.

It wasn’t that Janus outright looked down on Signor Morandi. He certainly held an admirable reputation and an even more admirable wealth. He contributed to the church, upheld his honour, was a patron to a few talented artists and did everything expected from someone of his status. By societal definition, he was an outstanding man. But, he could never understand Patton. Yes, Patton’s behaviour in public also stood to scrutiny. He was a young man to be admired, for sure. Yet, it somehow mismatched any other person’s strive for reputability. Patton lacked this performative quality, eagerness, if you will, that he found time and time again in people. 

At first, Janus struggled to comprehend it. Everyone had desires outside of the strictly polite, they either pretended they didn’t or tried to hide it, that’s why they paid the church, after all. Janus didn’t believe people made an effort to actively align with the global canon for morality, just to look like it or deceive themselves. This theory on society made it so when he met Patton he simply dismissed him as a try-hard, later to relabel him as self-deceiving. Maybe he was a victim of his own biased cynicism. 

As they grew closer, he started to get the whole picture. To his surprise, Patton tried to get his desires to align with what he perceived as morally correct, sometimes failing miserably. Janus’ presence in his room didn’t qualify as a success by society’s criteria... Patton’s effort to be ‘good’ did not come from a place of wishing to be perceived as such. Patton didn’t want to look good, he needed to be good. A good man. The realisation was hard to process but true. 

Once he understood that, Janus could not let go. It stands to reason that, if that kind of person were to earn his affection, someone like his father would awaken his spite. Signor Morandi had simply never made an effort to understand his son’s motivations, unlike Janus. If he was a cynic, Patton was a victim to his own good intentions. 

“I do not understand”. 

“Lady Renata Regio is alive”. 

“Oh”. 

“Yes, it is most fortunate, you will no longer have to stay inside and miss the festival”. 

“Well, father, I am not sure if that is appropriate, her ladyship must be feeling poorly after such a horrid experience. Perhaps it is best if I stay in and promptly send a letter to help soothe her”. 

“Patton, it honours you to be willing to put the weak’s suffering before yours, but it is not needed in this case. You do not have to concern yourself with her. I am afraid that she is safe and sound on the account of having planned her own kidnapping. Lady Renata Regio has joined the pirates bringing disgrace upon her family, the wretched woman”. 

Yes! Janus thought. Neither the wardrobe nor the entire room could contain his joy at hearing it. 

“That is most unfortunate, should I reassure her family that I do not hold any resentment towards them?” 

“It would be no good, there is going to be a scandal!” Signor Morandi sounded too happy. 

Janus could not help but to smile a little.

“Are we going to pursue any retaliation?” Janus almost saw Patton shudder in the tone he used. “I do not think it necessary, it is a matter of marriage, although important, there are many other options that--” 

“Yes, there are many other women to pursue, that is the spirit! In said spirits, I must inform you of the most wonderful news I have just received”. 

What? 

“Today a trusted servant from the Regio estate arrived at our home”. 

“Yes, Virginia Fusco”, of course, Patton knew her name. “I personally received her, she refused to tell me exactly why she was sent here, also insisted to wait to talk to you”. 

“Precisely, well, it turns out she is the personal servant of Lady Romina Regio”. 

“The eldest of the twin daughters of the Regio?” 

“Indeed. Let me be frank with you son, the Regio know they cannot keep the true actions of their lesser daughter hidden forever, a rumour is meant to surface eventually. This is very unfortunate for them, I have heard they were planning to match Lady Romina with a higher member of the nobility. Her sister’s actions have ruined her chances, it is unlikely that whoever was to marry her will accept such a union. My son, you know I always have your best interests in mind, Lady Renata Regio was a fine choice to provide you with connections to nobility. In turn, her family would have got access to our wealth, which, after their losses in the war, they need”. 

Oh no. 

“This being the circumstances, they have to choose how to align themselves in the future and what would be more advantageous to the family”. 

“Shit” Janus said under his breath. 

“We are about to reach an agreement for a marriage between Lady Romina Regio and you. I need you to understand that, if you are to accept, you will have to face some troubles, at least initially. The rumours about Lady Renata’s motivations may taint your reputation for a short while and the Regio’s rush to marry off Lady Romina will raise more rumours”. 

“What choice would please you the most?” 

“Oh, Patton, you idiot”. 

“The union could make your child a count, you could potentially obtain a title depending on how we negotiate with the family. It is my wish that you accept this marriage”. 

“Will this bring honour to our family?” 

“Certainly”. 

“Then…” an air of doubt went through Patton’s voice. 

Janus was debating whether or not to burst out of the closet, either to tell him to refuse or to scold him for not accepting immediately what was probably the best opportunity of his life. 

“Of course I will accept”. 

“You make me very happy and proud, my son. I will meet with the servant girl to send her back with a letter requesting to meet with Lord Regio”. 

The words were spoken carelessly. Signor Morandi often did that around his son, not knowing how many times he had been overheard by him. He may be a great man by society’s standards, but he could never be a good man. 

Janus slumped against the back of the wardrobe, surrounded by pieces of clothing he could never afford. There was a world in which Patton had refused. But Patton hadn’t been left a real choice, so he could find some comfort in knowing this thing between the two had to end due to him being backed into a corner. Better than having Patton’s morals come between them. That, he would never reconcile with. 

This was better than before. Being cast away for something as mundane as marriage, no matter the useful connections involved, was one thing, being left for a countess, well, if that’s what it took to refuse him he wouldn’t complain too much. 

He would have preferred a marchioness or a duchess. 

He would have preferred to be the only thing standing in between Patton and kingship and still win. 

He would definitely prefer it if Signor Morandi was to accidentally fall down a flight of stairs on his way to writing his pesky letter. 

There was nothing like a fire to persuade someone, even a countess… 

But Patton would be upset. 

His hawk screeched from the roofs above. Then footsteps rushed to his side, followed by candlelight flooding the inside of the closet. 

Patton had no right to look so humble yet so marvellous. Not even the warmth of the flame could rival with that of his gaze. A gaze that was his’, not of any countess. But, still, a gaze that deserved to become a count. 

“Janus…” 

Honey clogging up his ears, that was the shape of a whisper. 

“I suppose”, he shook off the dust of his cape and held his head up with dignity, “this is when we part. I’d love to say it’s a pity, but we saw it coming. Guess it was nice to enjoy it while it lasted. I’m always a letter away, my dear, that countess of yours wouldn’t ever find out”.

This was the bitter taste of selflessness. He never understood how Patton enjoyed it. 

Janus turned around, ready to make his merry way out of Villa Morandi or fall off the balcony properly this time. Suddenly, Patton’s armed chained the two of them to their spot in the room. Patton’s chest heaved pitifully in a mockery of a hiccup. 

“I’m sorry. What was I supposed to do? There was no other choice. I didn’t wish to upset you. Please--” 

“What do you think you’re doing?” 

He promptly let him go. 

“I…”

Janus turned back to face him.

“You think crying will make this easier? Do you seriously think I enjoy this? I would gladly rob you of everything and have you entirely to myself. It is taking so much self-restraint to not get your father into a tragic accident, my dear. If anything, you’re making it worse by crying. I am doing this for you. Don’t you dare ruin the one honourable thing I will do in my life”. 

“How can I pretend to be happy when you’re leaving?” 

There were sparks of light encased in his tears. Something about their ironic beauty left him even more heart-broken. 

“What am I going to do, then? I can be selfish to an extent, but I cannot take the rest of your life too. You’re being offered a title and a wife, all the things someone at your level could wish for. Don’t be more of an imbecile, keep it. It is already inappropriate for you to be seen with the likes of me, and it’s even worse with me being a man”. 

“You’ve never cared about that”. 

“But you do! Let resume, dear”, he tried to say in his most condescending voice. It didn’t sound even remotely like it. “You go to church each Sunday, you have five bibles just in this room and the most sincere good-samaritan complex I have ever seen. I know you can’t bear to live in sin”. 

“I can’t bear to live without you either!”

Oh, Patton, you fool, silly, ridiculous man…

  “What…” he felt as if he was going crazy. 

A chuckle escaped through the spaces in between his teeth. Janus looked downwards and whispered. 

“What are you saying?” 

This self-consciousness, he had never felt anything like it before. Was he blushing? 

“I love you… I know it’s wrong, so why doesn’t it feel like it?” 

More honey. What a way for his plan to backfire.

“This is ridiculous, you should be concerning yourself with more important--” 

Patton placed the back of his hand under his jaw to raise his head with such gentleness... stupid. 

“Is it ridiculous when it’s making you cry like this?”

A compassionate man’s tears were not worth his. He had never been as sure as now that this was a mistake. Yet he longed for him more than ever. 

“Of course not” he wiped away his tears feigning some kind of dignity. 

As quickly as ever, he also pretended to regain his composure. 

“Do you have any sort of plan for what you’re going to do next? Under pressure, you’re a terrible improviser, my love”.  

“Well...I can’t let you go. I know as much. I should, for my family, father, my honour. But I will not. You’ve shown me that acting selfishly doesn’t make someone evil. I will find a way to fulfil my duty without giving you up, you have my word”.

[babysizedfics]

Mama Logan's xmas video

Background

As has been mentioned before, patton ALWAYS takes photos and videos of his family when they have littletime and he holds these photos and videos very dear to his heart

he used to send some of them to logan at the end of every day - mostly just his favourites. he would take thirty to fifty everyday and sent logan maybe 5-10 in the evenings

logan would simply reply with a :) or a 'Very lovely.' message

although whenever patton asked if logan saved them, logan said it was not really in his interest. he preferred to live in the moment, and besides patton kept the photos if logan ever needed them for whatever reason

So patton had hundreds and hundreds of photos and vids of his family after months of being a little family

until on the 25 november his phone unexoectedly was wiped over night and he lost all of his camera roll

he hadn't backed up his phone at all

patton was devastated, he cried for the whole day - logan tried helping to restore them but couldnt find any hope of doing it. pat took the phone to a workshop the next day but even they couldnt bring the photos back

even for the next four weeks every now and then he remembers how much he lost and geets tearful and sometimes just really down and everyone hates to see him like that

Now onto christmas day

a month later on christmas day the family all celebrate - in the morning they open presents and have hot chocolate

and logan bought patton a handheld camera to capture all of the little moments without worrying about ohone backup and storage. he makes sure to teach patton how to transfer files to his laptop too

they cook lunch, roman and virgil exchange gifts in secret, and then after they eat logan asks them all to come into the living room

vee gets a slight anxiousness since logan refuses to explain whats going on - he starts getting stressed but logan anticipates this and apologises and holds virgils hand to help him calm as they move to the living room

and logan sits them all on the couch - logan in the corner, then patton, roman, and virgil on the end closest to the door to feel less trapped

and he sends them all a small nervous smile then turns on the TV and presses play

a shaky handheld video comes onscreen - it shows baby vee cuddled in his logans lap, paci bobbing in his mouth and sound asleep. logan is smiling at roman, who is say next to them and stroking virgils head softly. the scene from chapter 7 of little accidents big developments, when roman first sees virgil in his new younger littlespace

the present patton in the living room gasps so loudly it makes everyone jump - his hands are slapped over his mouth and his eyes instantly well with tears. he looks at logan with a shocked and desperate expression

logan scootches closer to him on the couch, their hips touching and logan holding psttons hand tightly. he knows patton will be emotinal for this

"Are you being gentle with your brother, Roman?" Patton asks off screen

"I'm being really soft, look," the roman on screen says, sounding very quiet but clearly using his little voice

"Well done, little prince" on screen logan says with a proud, soft smile

'oh my god..' present virgil whines, burying his burning cheeks in his hands

'wow i really take up the screen with my presence!' present roman brags. he is smiling confidently and hoping it distracts anyone from his own blush and the way he us sinking back into the couch and avoiding everyones eyes

'i th-thought' patton breaks off with a sniffle 'i thought it was gone forever' he whispers through tears. but he cant rip his gaze away from the screen

then the video fades out - only to reveal a photo of family time where vee and roman were playing together and patton was laughing with them

then another photo of roman and patton smiling and posing with some cookies they made on week

then another of vee and logan napping together and cuddling on the couch

patton starts sobbing now because he realises - this isnt just one video, this is a whole compilstion of lhotos and videos patton thought were lodt forever

then a voiceover starts accompanying the slideshow/video - logan's boice

"I predict by this point if the video Virgil will be hiding his face in embarrassment-" vee makes a small whine from behind his hands. roman giggles

"- and roman will have probably made an overconfident remark to distract from his own embarrassment-" roman gasps in offence and crosses his arms

pictures keeping showing on the screen

"and patton, my love, i am afraid you may be shocked and confused. perhaps even upset"

patton sniffles and holds logans hand tighter

"but i assure you all, this video is not meant to cause discomfort. i only aim to inspire as much joy and love in you all as i feel whenever i look back on these images. yes, i keep them all saved and yes, i look back on them often. i do not want to overwhelm any of you. virgil, you may leave if you so wish-"

virgil doesnt move

"roman you may cause distractions if you fee uncomfortable being so vulnerable-"

roman doesnt say a word

"and pstton, i promise i will be right by your side through this whole thing as i am to be throughout our lives"

logan turns to patton irl and presses a kiss to the side of his head. patton cries more and wiggles his legs over logans lap and holds him tight as he keeps watching the video

the video goes on, so many photos and videos disaplying their family, and logan's voiceover constsntly stating how much he loves all of his family and why

he reassures virgil that his dependence and vulnerability is endearing and inspires logan with affection

he reassures roman that his boisterousness and creativity are bith amusing and enjoyable and inteligent

he reassures patton thst his dedication to the boys makes him so proud of his partner and so adoring of how big his heart is

the whole video is LONG - like twenty minutes

and patton is crying through it all and using the apron roman gifted him that morning to mop up his tears

but roman and virgil sre both big and very stubborn

theyve never actually been so open about how close they are when little, they dont deny it anymore but its hard to discuss openly

but here there is physical proof they cant deny, on screen shows how close and loving they sre as brothers when little

they both get emotiona during the video and are sniffling but keep their distance on the couch

until one video pstton had taken when they bith fell asleep cuddling on the couch after their first sleepover

virgil's face crumples and he shakily whimpers 'f*ck' and shoves himself over ont he couch towards roman

roman was ready too, his arm is open for virgil and he holds virgil around the shoulders as they both try not to cry at the video

they cuddle for the rest of the show

patton isnt able to watch all of it because he hides his face in logans shoulder so bing every few minutes

but after it they're all crying and cuddling and there are forehead kisses and whispers of love. and it's about thirty seconds before they realise the video has made vee start to regress

so they can let go of the emotional moment for a bit to prepare for little time

but in the future of course they still keep the video. patton watches it everyday for the whole week

and the thing is virgil never ever knew what his regression was really like from an outside perspective - he is barely sure of his own perspective because of the memory gaps

and this video sticks in his mind for weeks because he ACTUALLY acts like a baby, he's SEEN it now and it shocks and scares and excites and thrills him it's all so overhwelming

and every few days, then eventually every few weeks, vee tiptoes to logans room and shyly asks if he can watch the video again. he becomes fascinsted with this proof that his regression really is what everyone said it was - completey all encompassing

this is rlly messy pls ask questions if theres any line of inquiry that you want built on or explained more - i dont rlly know how to squeeze it all in djdjd

[defractum]

I love your fics so much!!!! For the Au asks, i have two but in the sense that you can pick whichever you like best? I dont want to impose in any way!!! Wangxian veterinarian!au (could be both vets or one the client or whatever you want!) or god, this is not a one word Au but Singer and person who has been hired to appear in their very romantic music video

Okay so vet!WWX who specialises in farm animals and livestock – from horses and donkeys through to chickens and ducks – is mostly based out of his practice at the base of the Yiling mountain

(He likes to pretend he's just a simple country boy but actually he travels a whole bunch to other areas that don't have specialist livestock vets to help with calving season and people with livestock animals as domestic pets, and also gets invited to do lectures on it every year at Yunmeng University)

LWJ meets him when he brings in a couple of chickens that have injured each other and he fluffs them right up as he's checking them over and calls them 'sweetheart' and 'babe' and in fact talks through the whole process and eventually hands them back over and tells LWJ that he needs more hens or his rooster will run them ragged.

Wei Wuxian realises afterwards that the handsome new client only managed to speak about five words the whole appointment, but it doesn't seem like either of them mind. He seems like an out-of-towner anyway, so he doesn't expect to see him again

LWJ comes in a couple of weeks later with two rabbits. And like, rabbits are not technically livestock – sure, some people eat them, and they can be, but they're not WWX's specialism. He takes a look while he's at it and mentions that they might be a bit spoiled and could do with a bit less food

LWJ keeps coming back with rabbits. WWX can't quite figure out how many rabbits he has, but it's got to be at least six by now. Nothing is ever serious. Wei Wuxian suggests, exactly once, that a domestic animals vet would know more, or if it's something minor then he's always welcome to call for a phone consultation, but he keeps coming and well, WWX is not going to say no to seeing the handsome stranger every one or two weeks

There's something about him that makes WWX babble like an idiot when he's around – he knows he talks a lot, sure, but he's also entirely capable of reading the room and putting on customer service manners with a client. But it's like LWJ is content to just let him talk, so he does – about anything, everything, the rabbits, the weather, the ducklings that he's fostering, the bad-tempered donkey out back that's not technically his

And then WWX's cat is sick, she must have eaten something, and WWX has to close his practice for the day. He calls all of his appointments with apologies and promises of rescheduling. LWJ is one of them, and he sounds disappointed, but understanding and if WWX wasn't trying to deal with both cat vomit and diarrhoea, he'd probably have done a phone consultation with him right then

Anyway, he calls his vet for an emergency appointment. They apologise, they're all booked up today – he's welcome to come wait in case there's a no-show, but there's no guarantee that they'll be able to fit him in, and he drives there anyway.

The part-time receptionist Sizhui beams at him (good kid, got into vet school for the upcoming year; volunteered with WWX the previous summer, trekking up and down the mountains trying to track goats) and says that he's in luck, one of their vets who had previously been unavailable has come in today

WWX is profusely thankfully and bundles his cat into the room and THERE HE IS. LAN WANGJI. A COMPLETELY CAPABLE AND QUALIFIED VET HIMSELF.

(LWJ really did need the help with the chickens, but then needed an excuse to go back and see the hot, capable, friendly, chatty vet, and had resorted to taking the bunnies to see him. He knows there's nothing wrong with them (apart from being spoiled), because his specialism is in rabbits. In fact, they're not even all his rabbits, some of them are just ones he's fostering before they go to other homes. He just needed an excuse, okay.)

WWX nearly kills himself laughing as LWJ stands there in mortified silence. 

This goes on until Sizhui nearly sends someone in to ask if they need help but eventually WWX’s cat throws up over both them. LWJ checks out the cat, WWX tries to help clean up and then waggles his eyebrows and says that if Lan Wangji wanted to show off his buns, WWX would be more than happy

(The innuendo flies straight over LWJ’s head but he does invite WWX round to see all twelve bunnies he's currently fostering; WWX is amused but into it. He does get round to showing off his buns later.)

Send me an AU and I’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

[planetjisungie]

oblivion- l.mh

characters; gryffindor! mark x gryffindor! reader

summary; just two gryffindors pining over eachother and being way too obvious

an; now THIS is the final instalment of the hogwarts series. mark realllllly deserved a chapter for being featured in the others smh

so guys mark finally got his own chapter

so since the first day of hogwarts you and mark were best friends

ever since he opened the carriage door and yodelled thinking it was his other friends in there when it was actually you

and you very quickly found that you shared common interests so when the sorting hat (which nearly fucking put you in ravenclaw) put you both in gryffindor, you were overjoyed

you were marks gryffindor friend, all the others had been sorted into different houses

hufflepuff: jeno and jaemin, slytherin: chenle and jisung, ravenclaw: hyuck and renjun (now okay i put hyuck in rc bc hes witty, id say hes a quick, smart thinker but he uses those attributes for less than useful things)

the word i was looking for was innovative

but obviously you made your own female friends and became the group of friends that everyone wanted to be

and mark got his little group of boys

but you both still spoke to eachother when you shared classes and stuff but after you found your own friends you kinda stopped talking as much

over the years you started talking less and less, yet thought about eachother more and more

puberty sucks bro

the first time you realised you actually liked mark was when you saw him in 4th year laying on the grass in the summer with his friends

it was hot so he had the robe and jumper off, white shirt untucked and red tie slanted with his eyes closed

the sun hit his face perfectly and your heart went NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

150mph because,, mark looked so perfect and ethereal in that moment

contrary to you,

mark realised he liked you in third year during the winter

you were huddled with your friends in the common room, mug of hot chocolate and marshallows in hand as he walked in from playing in the snow with hyuck and jeno

your hair was slightly damp from melted snow and your eyes were glossy with the bite of cold

and you had a little frothy moustache above your wide smile which mark found cute until you wiped it off with the back of your sleeve

and this was before you discovered your crush on him, so when you noticed him you gave him a small wave and grin to show he hadn’t been ignored

he burned bright red and waved back before sPRINTING to his dorm because his heart also said beep beep skrt skrt

both of your friends noticed your odd behaviour immediately

the boys incessantly teased mark for two years, making him want to lock himself in the chamber below the school forever

things like when you would walk past, they would whip their heads to just stare at mark

when you answered a question correctly they would praise mark instead of you

whenever someone mentioned your name they would go "y/n l/n? mark’s girlfriend?"

that one in particular made him want to just disappear and i dont blame him

to be fair it wasnt any different for you

your friends realised in 5th year

from then on your life was hell

"y/n do you think mark will like this? you should get it for him"

"y/n look! its mark!"

"y/n marks looking at you"

obviously you didnt believe them

just scoff and carry on with life

until 6th year when honestly your friends cannot take it anymore

so your friends meet up with the dreamies and they scheme (they dont let hyuck near the plans dont worry)

unbeknownst to the both of you, though thats more you both being dumb as you sit at the table alone

like huh where the fuck are those prats

and mark sees this opportunity

he can talk to you and not get teased??

hole in one, try, homerun, three pointer, whatever score system you wanna go by

shit two birds with one stone is the saying

ANYWAY

so mark scoots over to you with his plate, sending you a slightly nervous smile

but you smile back

and you start talking again, just like you did on your way to first year

how cute

and mark literally asks you out right there on the spot

and when you freeze up he stutters and tries to apologise

but youre like NO I MEAN YES

and would you look at that, youre dating

so the next day you two are a lot more comfortable with eachother, still kinda flustered but no longer trying to hide it

but your friends 😭 you didn’t tell them

so they carry on with their plan

and so youre all sat at the gryffindor table while jeno went to go get the big sheet of paper which said ‘y/n will you go out with me’ on it

and then your friends are like "y/n your boyfriend looks nice today"

and youre just like "yeah i know he does"

and theyre like wait a minute-

then it hits you that you didnt tell them you were dating mark

"by the way we’re actually going out now"

rip jeno who was stood behind you with the paper and flowers in hand

he legit drops them with his mouth gaping

"and you didnt think to tELL US?!"

lowkey pissed they spent so much time planning lmaoooooo

[okamirayne]

Hi! Yes Im the one who's curious about Tsuno.

-Is he a legit Nara? If yes, how far of a relative is he to Shikamaru?

-Does Shikaku know him personally? Yoshino?

-Im also wondering how old is he?

-By any chance, did Yamato and Kakashi knew him during their times in Anbu?

-If joining Anbu means you dont have anything to lose, does that hold any significance as his previous position as a Nara clansman? or did he have other reasons for joining and staying in the anbu?

-Was he aware of the father&son "history repeats itself" dilemma accompanying their mission?

-Did he eventually figured out what Shikamaru is to Neji since he kept an eye on them during the Kusagakure mission?

-When he ordered Neji to stop Shikamaru, did he actually meant to do it no matter the method is, like kill him or something?

-Did he actually took the mission personally to some extent, given if he really is a Nara and if he knew Shikaku, by trying to negotiate with Shikamaru's alter?

-I can also imagine that he had enough reasons to fail Neji since it was evident that he operated with his emotions rather than Anbu's wheels and walls but why didnt he?

-Lastly, that picture you used... isn't that a root operative? The one tasked to send a message to Sai during the Sai arc right? Im confused. Is he anbu or root? Is Tsuno actually Root then?

Sorry, I have so many questions because he seems so mysterious to me since I felt like he just popped out of blue and that just makes me want to know more about him. I know this is a lot and I would greatly appreciate whatever answers you can give. Thank you!

Hello my Curious Anon!

Wow! Thanks for your interest in this OC. I’ll do my best to answer your questions!

-Is he a legit Nara? If yes, how far of a relative is he to Shikamaru?

Oh yes, he is a legit Nara. I’d say you’re looking at a second cousin once removed on Shikaku’s side.

-Does Shikaku know him personally? Yoshino?

Yes, as Shikaku’s second cousin (they share a Nara great-uncle in common), Shikaku has worked with Tsuno before. Yoshino knows him from Shikaku’s incident with Shuken years before. At that time Tsuno wasn’t ANBU, but it was instrumental in his choosing that road almost immediately after.

-Im also wondering how old is he?

You’re looking at around 47/8.

-By any chance, did Yamato and Kakashi knew him during their times in Anbu?

Kakashi had heard of him, but never served with him.

While Kakashi had never served with or under Tsuno, he'd heard enough talk about the war-hardened Nara veteran to know the man was ruthlessly efficient and all but married to the job. Apparently the guy had cut off the ring finger of his left hand when asked by the Council whether his loyalty was to his wife or his work. -- UtS ch.18

-If joining Anbu means you dont have anything to lose, does that hold any significance as his previous position as a Nara clansman? or did he have other reasons for joining and staying in the anbu?

Yes. He lost someone close to him, left his wife, severed his ties (and finger) and joined the ANBU.

-Was he aware of the father&son "history repeats itself" dilemma accompanying their mission?

Yes indeed. Very much so. He was part of the System of Lies.

-Did he eventually figured out what Shikamaru is to Neji since he kept an eye on them during the Kusagakure mission?

Yes, he did.

-When he ordered Neji to stop Shikamaru, did he actually meant to do it no matter the method is, like kill him or something?

Absolutely. By whatever means necessary if it came to that. He was too familiar with the damage Shikamaru might cause, given Shikaku’s former incident.

-Did he actually took the mission personally to some extent, given if he really is a Nara and if he knew Shikaku, by trying to negotiate with Shikamaru's alter?

This is an excellent question and you’ve caught a hint of his past here that I hadn’t intended to dig into for risk of too many OCs. Given your interest and my own fondness for the character I may explore this in HHU. I can tell you that if Tsuno hadn’t joined the ANBU and hardened himself the way he did, he would have taken it very personally.

-I can also imagine that he had enough reasons to fail Neji since it was evident that he operated with his emotions rather than Anbu's wheels and walls but why didnt he?

Oh yes. He wanted to fail Neji, but his own directives disallowed this

"And can I trust you to handle his transferal back to Konoha, Shirataka? Or will your insufferable hesitation force me to intervene?" Tsuno leaned in here, lowering his voice ever-so-softly, his hoarse rusty tones edged with threat. "Nogusa's mercy has saved you from my intervention by a ‘hairsbreadth’. I do not show mercy and I do not tolerate mistakes; no matter how gracefully you recover from them." He stopped, gave that its weight before adding quietly, "But regardless of my usual policy, I was told to allow you two strikes. You have one shot to redeem yourself in my eyes. Do not disappoint me again." - UtS Ch. 16

-Lastly, that picture you used... isn't that a root operative? The one tasked to send a message to Sai during the Sai arc right? Im confused. Is he anbu or root? Is Tsuno actually Root then?

Well spotted and remembered! Yes it is! Unlike with Naoki, I haven’t yet created a pic/illustration for Tsuno, so borrowed a Nara-hairstye operative XD!  Tsuno is ANBU for sure; not a fan of Danzo. If time allows I’ll attempt to get him his own illustration!

Oh my goodness, no need to apologise at all. I am always really touched and extremely happy when readers engage with my OCs and want to know more about them. It really means a lot to me and I appreciate you showing this kind of interest! <3 Big love, Anon!