#anon is wearing a fedora

[spacelazarwolf]

honk honk bitch come off anon or i’m just gonna keep waterboarding u.

[meteoriteskies]

Seriously, you disgust me. Immensely. Please do everyone a favor and rid the internet of your miserable existence. I can only hope that your disgusting form will never return to this world.

Oh my god, am I finally famous

[yanmuffins]

waiter! waiter! more phineas and ferb reader pls!

I wonder how the batfam would react once they catch reader inventions on a random tuesday, like, "hm, what a nice day to look out on the window and HOLY SHIT WHY IS THERE A GIANT ROBOT SPITING FIRE WHILE RIDING A ROLLERCOASTER IN MY BACKYARD???"

the events that would follow this incident would be funny and exasperating, me thinks

also, wouldn't it be funnier if Perry the Platypus was part of the JL? and like, no one knows his identity but Superman, and neither of them are willing to talk about it-

I know it would be very unlikely, since everyone there would have enough neurons to recognize a platypus with and without a hat, but for the sake of shit and giggles, just think of how funny that would be

welp, I needed to get that outta ma chest, I hope I at least made you laugh a little, because seriously this is one of the best ideas I've seen in this tag and I can't stop thinking and giggling about it

Stay well!

context.

first: i was not expecting this concept to be so popular!! the responses i've gotten from everyone are so amazing!!  ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝) thank you for the ask, anon!! it always makes my day.

i am formally announcing that i will be turning phineas and ferb reader into a fic now. it's too good a concept to pass up. something more light-hearted to work between the other fics i'm writing.

batfamily finding out about reader's whacky inventions would be an event. it so wholeheartedly shatters the image they had of reader to the point they just have to sit with what the hell just happened for a while before they even consider what to do about you next. still so many things that don't make sense. their newest case is how the fuck did we go this long without finding out (Y/N) has been building mechas in our backyard and why are those things always gone when it's convenient.

then the realizations just start dropping on them like an anvil on a looney tunes character. and they kinda feel like shit, cause how did they not notice? really puts into perspective how they've neglected you all this time. so many stunts you pulled right under their nose, on their backyard, their garage, throughout gotham and metropolis. ok, were out there being creative and amazing and you sure know how to spend the wayne family money, they'll give you that, but it was so irresponsible of you! who knows what could've gone wrong. you're not like them! you're a civilian with no training, the only regular teenager in the family, you're the last person who should be exposing themselves doing all that.

bruce goes off on you, screaming about how could you be so reckless, you did all of this behind his back– what? what do you mean he gave his permission? and he is floored, devastated, blood pressure up, when you remind him of every instance you dropped by his office with a document for him to sign or to ask for permission, with proof as you pull out every paper he put his signature without a second look.

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is when reader's dynamic with the batfam does a complete 180 and their little yandere antennae start going off. no more whacky cartoonish shenanigans. at least not without proper supervision. they know you're not a fan of this new arrangement, but you gotta understand they let you go unchecked for way too long! they'll drown you in family activities so you don't even have to worry about it. who wants to build a teleportation machine, anyway? just join them for family movie night.

as for perry, that is going to take them a while longer to figure out. bruce just can't stand another insane discovery, so when batman sees an intelligent platypus wearing a fedora and walking on two feet on justice league headquarters (if we're going by the idea that he's a part of JL), he's just going to think "my kid has a pet platypus. huh."

oh, consider:

dick: "damian, you knew all this time?! our sibling could've gotten into serious trouble! why didn't you tell us about this?"

damian: stares into the camera like he's in the office.

[p0rk-guts]

He's finally done I think. WOAW! Radio demon time!!!

Okay time for comparison + breakdown rant ^ - ^ another SUPER long one I had a lot to say about this silly guy

ALRIGHT. So. Atp all that can be said has been said about Alastor but I'll gloss over it anyhow. Grossly historically inaccurate hair and clothing. Invisible deer theming. One of the main reasons he's got one of the most clowned on designs in the show is bc he's a pretty good representation of the worst it has to offer. He's absurdly red and has the waspiest waist in town. Also gotta zero in on the coat for a second bc I find it incredibly stupid that he went to that tailor bc of his coat being ripped and then left the shop with the exact same torn coat on oh goddd that felt like a complete joke who wrote this

Also his "redesign" was pointless. He stayed pretty much entirely the same except his colors got pinker and grosser and now he has this?? White trim on his lapels??? Even less 1930's accurate and it only serves to hurt the pallate in my eyes. It's the only spot of white on his entire design, it doesn't appear anywhere else so it throws it all off. And it's so bright. Is it supposed to be a focal point?? His tits????

Anyways onto my guy who I love so very deeply. I'm pretty sure sepia film was outdated by the 1930s but I gave him a palette inspired by it to emphasize how dated and stuck in old ways he is. Added blood red accents bc. Well. Cannibal murderer. Also bc I redid the sin colors so red is wrath and it seems like a fitting sin to pair him with.

After looking into 1930's men's fashion a tiny bit (thanks anon, this video was helpful!) and gave him a double breasted coat but wider and pointier so he looks a little less like just some normal guy and really emphasize how prideful and egotistical he is. "Ooo look at me I'm super big and imposing and powerfulll". I think it's a fun character trait of his. Definitely keeping it.

I liked him wearing gloves bc I feel like he wouldn't like getting his hands directly dirty and would always be covered when committing his murders. Maybe he's a germaphobe even. "I can excuse murder but I draw the line at dried blood on my skin". Also the gloves being white would contrast really well with blood so. Love that

I gave him a long tie to free him from the Vivziepop bow tie uniform and a fedora to add to the 1930's vibe and serve as something that can occasionally obscure his face in shadow. His glasses are also opaque and I imagine his eyes would rarely be shown if ever to make him seem more inhuman and off-putting, disconnecting him from personhood a bit. Wanted to add to that with his smiling mouth never opening and just being a static grin that can only occasionally widen or lessen, his voice cracking out of his "speaker" with fuzzy radio static. Seen multiple ppl use that idea and it always eats

I love Alastor's silly theatric nature (primarily in the pilot) and I'd probably keep it, but I'd add a layer of uncanny-ness to him where when he's not putting on his silly jovial facade, he gives off an unnerving vibe. Trying to appear approachable and charming and pleasant to lure people in before he's revealed to be less than human. Loveee thattt

I love Alastor being a deer. Predator becoming prey (animal) + "prey animal" lulling people into a false sense of security before striking. Love it. We should be CAPITALIZING ON IT❗So I gave him deer like legs, visible deer hooves, and more readable deer ears + the ham radio tower antenna antlers (sorry 4 calling them horns 💀)

Tried to make it a little more obvious that he's a mixed man of color by giving him dark wavy hair and the faintest hint of lip definition Viv uses in her style. I think it works. He's still not dark skinned tho

LASTLY the mic. Also not an original idea as I've seen tons of others turn it into a carbon mic but turned into a pentagram shape and I love the idea a lotttt so I joined the crew.

AND THAT DOES IT!!!! hope u like him as much as I do hehe. Just 1 supplemental doodle this time sorry :/ showing off how his face is probably obscured most of the time. He's. So hard to draw. I'm just bad at men but I'm tryinggggg guys

Alsoooo I've already finished the drawings for Niffty, Angel, and Husk! Once I've finished their breakdowns I'll add em right to the queue, and then I'll make a post with all of the main 6 together :3

[ivy-loves-chocolate]

I saw you wanted some ideas for Leon so here’s mine: you’re hiding with him in the RPD from Mr.X in the stars office, and the more you talk the more you realize you’re into each other. A small make-out session turns into something more and Mr.X becomes your last worry.

Btw, I loved your recent Leon fic :3

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ N o t e ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ I found this in my drafts with a few paragraphs written and decided to finish it. I'll start the year with a smut, haha. Thank you, anon for the idea, and I'm sorry I made you wait 🙏❤️. I hope you like this 😊. I wanna write more about him, so keep the requests coming! Also, your feedback is appreciated ❤️.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨ P a i r ୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ Leon S. Kennedy x F!Reader

I take commissions so if you're interested check my Ko-Fi. ❤️

You were both panting as you barely escaped the monster that was chasing you relentlessly all night. He was tall and strong, and bullets didn't kill him. From the distance, it looked like a normal person given the simple outfit; he was wearing a hat and a trenchcoat, both black, but from up close, he was rather scary due to his grey skin and dead eyes. The height also added to the intimidating factor.

How did he end up dressed that way? You asked yourself as you saw him kneeling on the ground. Leon just emptied a clip by shooting his head. Apparently, bullets stop him for a bit, giving you a chance to run. Still, you couldn't help but be amused by his attire.

"Who the fuck gave this thing a fedora?" You asked quietly as you passed near him. "Like, it has to be custom made or something? Look at the size of its head…"

"Probably, but I think we have more important things to worry about right now."

You hurried outside the library and never stopped running. They just kept coming… from all directions. You tried blocking some windows, but it was useless.

All this time, you followed Leon's command, as he seemed more collected, even if he was just a rookie. You had a hunch that he was trying to impress you, and you had two reasons. One, you heard him curse like a sailor around the station before meeting him—something that didn't happen when he was with you—and two, you caught him staring at you a few times. He'd looked away every time you turned your attention to him, but he couldn't hide that smirk.

"This way," he whispered as he gently closed the door behind him.

"Where to-"

"Shh," he said, pointing to the ceiling. Your face turned pale at the sight of the horrendous creature that was crawling. Its sharp, long claws tapped on the surface as he walked on all fours; its brain was popping out, and he didn't appear to have any eyes. Terrified, you froze in place, but Leon grabbed your hand and guided you into the corridor.

"Just watch your steps, ok?" he whispered again in a soft voice, trying to soothen you. "Don't look at it; you'll be fine. Just stick with me."

With steady steps, you made your way to the STARS office and closed the door behind you. Leon pressed his ear on the door, and once he heard the licker crawling away, he told you that you were safe.

You let out a sigh of relief. You hadn't realised you were holding your breath until now.

"Good. Listen, do you mind if we rest a bit here? It's too much cardio for me," you joked.

"Sure, I could use some rest too."

The STARS office was clear, and you found supplies too. Some medicine, ammo, food, and water felt like a gift sent from God. There was also an armory, but it needed to be unlocked from the computer. A reminder that your work is far from done. Still, you tried to enjoy your small break. Leon was sitting at one desk from the edge, and you were sitting next to him. Behind you was a nice brown leather jacket, which you considered taking, but it was too big to fit you. The team's belongings were intact, making you wonder why they closed the unit so suddenly.

"Where do you think they are? Do you think they are safe?" you asked Leon, who was busy starring in the blank.

"They are probably doing better than we are. Those guys were elite."

"I think we're holding up pretty well, considering you're a rookie and I never touched a gun."

"Yeah…you almost blasted my brains back then," he chuckled.

"I'm sorry about that." You said it soflty and gently squeezed his forearm as a sign of comfort. "But you burst through that door, and I panicked."

"It's alright," he said, smiling. He smoothly slid his arm to the edge so he could grab your hand. Your fingers intertwined quickly.

"Thanks for the quick lesson, tho…it came in handy."

"No problem, you're a natural," he winked, which made you blush.

"Yeah, but I kinda had a great teacher."

"What can I say? I work best under stress."

You both chuckled. A short pause followed, in which both of you just stared at each other. Leon wanted to say so many things to you. He wanted to praise you for being so brave and for taking care of him; he wanted to tell you how lucky he feels to have found you in this mess, but he didn't know where to start.

"You ok?" you asked, seeing that he got lost in his thoughts again.

"Yeah, I'm fine… I was grateful for having you with me; that's all."

"Really? For a moment, I thought I slowed you down."

"Me slowing you down? You're faster than me. You actually left me behind a couple of times."

"Oh, that? I thought you did that on purpose...just trying to get rid of me."

He chuckled.

"Nah...I never wished to get rid of you. I really like having you around." He said.

"Me too..."

Neither of you let go of the other's hand.

You both stopped talking. Your smiles dropped and your eyes closed as you leaned forward towards each other. Soon, your lips touched over and over again, filling the room with faint sounds of kissing. You were both shy at first, but Leon got more courageous and came closer to you. His hands found your waist, and you cupped his face, prolonging the kiss. Soon, you felt Leon's tongue trying to find yours, and the kiss got a lot more intense.

Not carrying about Mr.X and other threats, you climbed onto Leon's lap and continued to kiss him with the same passion. Now you were closer to each other as you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he wrapped his big arms around your waist, hugging you and keeping you close.

It shows that Leon craved this kind of affection and intimacy from the sweet whimpers that came out occasionally.

"Wait…" he said as he broke the kiss. "I know a more comfortable chair…"

You didn't know what he meant until he suddenly stood up while managing to carry you and went to Wesker's office. He was a strong fella.

On his way, he never ceased to kiss you, becoming even more eager.

He sat on Wesker's chair, which was more comfortable and much bigger than the previous one. Since your legs had more room to rest, you had the strength to roll your hips over his crotch, letting out small, deep whimpers as you felt his bulge growing between your legs.

His hands squeezed your flesh as they ran along your waist. His muscles relaxed under your precise movements. His needy whines filled the room as you kept moving faster.

"Y/N…" He whispered shyly, breaking the kiss for a few seconds before coming to taste your lips again. He felt his cock throbbing in his pants. He wanted you; he craved you. It was unbearable.

You felt the same way, and your cunt was throbbing with excitement as you thought about him inside you…he felt…big…

With fast movements, you took your pants off, and then you proceeded to strip him off. His cock jumped in the air once his boxers slipped past those big thighs of his, and oh, what a sigh it was. He was long, thick, and leaked heavily in front of your eyes. You watched how a droplet of his precum glided along his length, making you drool. His tip glistered as it was basically drenched in his own juices.

You teasingly tapped his tip with one of your fingers, which made him whine loudly.

"Y/N…" he said, his attempt to maintain his composure being obvious.

"Shh. Just stick with me." You said this, looking at him with siren eyes.

You climbed back, one leg slidding next to him, and the other followed slowly. You raised a bit and aligned yourself above his tip. You wrapped your arms around his neck as you began to descend slowly and gasped when you felt his cock entering inside you. When he felt himself inside you, he pulled you again in a passionate, eager kiss.

Moans and whimpers filled Wesker's office quickly. You let out sharp, deep exhales as you took more and more of him. You struggled a bit at first, but both of you were so wet that after a few thrusts, you slid up and down with ease. Leon moved his hands to your ass, squeezing your cheeks hard with every throb of his cock. Not only did you feel him leak inside you, but you also felt how he rubbed that sweet spot inside you. It was pure bliss, which turned your mind foggy.

He also thrust his hips from beneath you, matching your own rhythm. You allowed yourselves to sink deeper into each other's touch without being bothered by what was happening out there. The kiss became messier, the touching more intense, and the thrusts more erratic as you chased your own release.

However, Leon felt that his time would come sooner, so he lifted you spontaneously and placed you on the desk, knocking down everything that would make you uncomfortable. Was that too loud? He didn't care.

"You are so strong, officer." You teased him and gave him the same dirty look, enjoying how that made him visibly weaker. He rolled his eyes and lowered his head a bit to the side, trying to hide his blushing cheeks.

His cock was halfway inside you now, and his arm rested near your head. With a deep breath, he began to thrust inside you, and he maintained eye contact this time. His face was still red, but not because of embarrassment, but because of how good your cunt made him feel. You wrapped your legs around his waist so you could feel him deeper.

His pace was slow at first, and he didn't go all in. It was pleasant, of course, but you wanted more, so you gently pulled him closer with your legs.

Understanding your intentions, he went all in, his balls constantly slapping your skin with each thrust. His breathing became faster, and your moans became louder as he finally hit that spot inside you again. When he picked up the pace, he placed his big thumb at your clit and stroked it fast. You felt a familiar pressure in your lower belly, and your throbbing cunt gave him a clue that you were about to cum.

"Leon…don't stop…" You said it between whimpers.

With his final strength, he went even faster with both his thrusts and strokes, and finally, he felt your wall clenching around his cock. With rolled eyes and curled toes, you grabbed his forearms as the orgasm hit you hard. A few seconds after your climax, you heard his moans getting louder. Then you felt hot spurts of his cum filling you up fast.

Both of you were trying to catch your breath now. Leon collapsed on top of you and allowed himself to indugle with your gentle touch for a few moments. Your arms were tightly wrapped around his tired body, with one hand playing with some strands of his blonde, smooth hair. The other caressed his back.

His nose was buried in your neck, enjoying the warmth and comfort that your body provided.

"I never thought I'd get laid on my first day as a police officer," he muffled, making you chuckle.

"Well, I bet you never expected a zombie apocalypse either."

"To be honest, if you would've asked me a few days ago which was more likely to happen, I'd go for the zombie apocalypse."

You chuckle again.

"You need to be more confident, Leon." Your fingers moved to his nape. "You're a great guy."

Once he felt your feather-like touch, he sighed with satisfaction.

"Oh yeah, just like that."

You began to massage gently. All this time, he remained inside you, and neither of you protested.

"You like that?"

He let out an affirmative hum.

"I'll tell you what," you began in a soft, calming voice. "When this is over, we keep in touch and go on a normal date. To get to know each other, you know?"

"Sounds good, but we need to get out of here in one piece…"

"Hmm…yeah…let's do that then."

He pulled out eventually and helped you get dressed.

You slowly made your way out of the STARS office, then made your way further into the station, looking for a way out. Now you look at the situation with a little more hope. Maybe it's because of the sex, or maybe you realised you have someone to count on. Who knows, but one thing is sure: you lived to go on your first date.

Tag-list: @lunarastrobabe @skylar-todd@rokurodokuro@brownsugarwrites (if you want to be added DM me 🤗)

[ryuichirou]

I love how you draw the tweels and Azul. They look so imposing in your art style! I know you love drawing Ignihyde, Octavinelle and Scarabia boys a lot, but I'm curious if you have drawings of the rest of the twst cast as well. I'd love to see everyone in your art style!

Anon! Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m glad you like how I draw the Octa-boys. I’m not even sure which dorm I draw most often, but it has to be either them or Ignihyde haha. But in all honesty, I really love drawing all the characters; even if we don’t care much about them, they are usually still quite pleasant to draw at least once.

Which is why I can actually compile my drawings of pretty much every character in this reply! It’s honestly surprising lol but also not really. I can’t believe it’s been a year since we started drawing and posting twst…

Alright, here we go!

Heartslabyul – wow, I can’t believe I don’t have any coloured Aces that are relatively new… We like Ace a lot, I should probably draw him. And Cater too, to be honest, this is my only coloured sketch with him. I never expected to enjoy drawing these boys as much as I do, to be honest.

Savanaclaw – Leona is the only character I don’t have a proper sketch that is not a commission with lol I’m sorry. But I actually quite like the comms of Leona that I got to draw, so here is one of them! I also really enjoyed drawing Ruggie, I should do it again… And Jack too…

Octavinelle – aw yis yakuza fishies babyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Come on, you know I love these guys lol Whenever I look at them I feel at home. It’s a shame I don’t draw them wearing fedoras (for some reason I’m still intimidated by fedoras), because I love everything about their dorm uniforms.

Scarabia – I also don’t feel like I draw these two often enough, but their uniform is probably the most difficult one to draw, simply because of all the details and prints and gold and accessories. But it’s so worth it!... I also think that Jamil is the prettiest snake in the world.

Pomefiore – it’s stupid how long it took me to find a Rook that doesn’t look creepy in my drawings lol I really love this side of him. I also really enjoy drawing Vil, but whenever I do, I feel intimidated. I just can’t mess him up..! But if the Vil that I drew ends up looking good, I get so emotional that I cry (not a 100% lie)

Ignihyde – picking an Idia and an Ortho out of hundreds of sketches of Idia and Ortho was more challenging that I thought it would be, so I picked these because I still really like their faces and think they’re cute! I also can’t get enough of them… to this day… Their hair, their teeth, everything.

Diasomnia – I feel like whenever I draw these guys we have an urge to make it into an art, this is why we have a lot of finished rendered artworks with them. Their aesthetic is just… super fitting for all kinds of dark and gothic stuff. I also adore drawing their eyes!!! All of them have such pretty eyes.

The teachers – if you feel the urge to laugh at Crowley for only getting a black and white sketch, I encourage you to also laugh at Vargas for not being here at all… I think he is the only character that I’m missing, huh.

Others – bonus round! I actually also have a sketch of Fellow Honest and Gidel but by the time I remembered them I got tired of making this thing lol, and we haven’t watched the event yet anyway, so they’ll get their chance to shine some other time (you can find it on my ko-fi though). Meleanor is also here, and I honestly I would be happy to draw every twst mom at some point… And other minor characters too…

But not the dwarves; screw them (just kidding I might draw them too at some point).

[levi-supreme]

Rei's Birthday Event: Spring date with Levi

Characters: Post war!Levi x Survey Corps fem!reader

Genre: SNK!canonverse

Warnings: SFW, fluff. Reader insert (y/n). SNK final season spoilers!!!! Some references to the canon events of snk (slight mentions of depressive episodes, mentions of death etc).

Word count: 3.6k

A/N: Thank you very much to my dear anon Victoria for the request!! I actually have two very similar spring time date requests, as such I decided to tweak this up a little. There will be mentions and references to canon events, but nothing angsty at all!!

I'm sorry this took so long to complete, and I'm still going through a bad writer's block lol but thank you to everyone for being so patient! I hope you all like this <3

Read the original request here.

"Levi Heichou!" You called out, excited to see your lover appear before you. 

"Tch, I told you so many times before to drop the shitty title, we're no longer in the Corps anymore," Levi rolled his eye—his good one—as he approached you. His hair was neatly combed back, his fedora in his lap. Levi was wearing a simple white button shirt with black long pants. His hair had grown longer; his fringe now growing past his eye. You missed how he used to keep his hair short, but you loved how nice Levi looked with longer hair too. 

You looked hard at Levi, studying every line and wrinkle you see, and the barely visible strands of grey on his ebony hair. Years of fighting on the front line had taken a toll on his body more than you liked, even though he claimed it didn't really affect him much since he had the Ackerman bloodline. 

Although the war ended, you knew Levi still wasn't at peace. You could tell he was restless, he didn't like being cooped up at home. His eyes didn't seem to have life in them like they used to, and he just seemed so sluggish all the time. You knew Levi wasn't sleeping well too; sometimes the ache in his knee woke him up, and sometimes, it was the demons Levi were fighting in his head. Levi didn't say it, but you knew he missed the old life, the one where he spent half his life fighting for a cause he believed in, and now that he fulfilled his mission, his life felt aimless; he didn't know what to do, and what to continue living for. 

It took you a long while to convince Levi to even agree to step out of the house and go on this picnic date, and deep down, you knew you had to make every minute out with him worthwhile.

"What are you staring at?" Levi's voice brought you back to the present, "thinking of something?" 

"Nah, I'm just thinking of asking Mikasa to send me some of those pearl eye cream from Hizuru. You know, the one Lady Kiyomi sent her for her birthday?" you answered, bringing a pair of shoes and putting them on for Levi, "I heard they're good for reducing wrinkles, especially around the eyes." 

Levi's eye narrowed. "Oi. Are you saying—"

"Did Big Sister y/n just call Uncle Levi old?!" A high pitched voice came from the kitchen, and you felt an impact around your midsection. A few moments later, a head of blonde hair appeared by your side too. "Big Sister y/n just said Uncle Levi has wri—"

"Gabi! Shush—" Falco covered Gabi's mouth while she tried to wiggle herself free. You giggled and glanced at Levi who was eyeing the three of you, and quickly tried to separate the younger ones. 

"Oi. You brats. Ganging up on me now?" Levi crossed his arms, looking utterly displeased. Falco continued covering Gabi's mouth while she tried to stomp on his foot. 

"Of course not, Levi, we wouldn't dare to offend our elders do we, kids?" You joked, earning another stare from Levi. Before he could say anything, you quickly ran into the kitchen with Gabi and Falco.

"Big Sister y/n!!! Did you see Uncle Levi's face when you talked about wrinkles?" Gabi laughed while Falco appeared with a picnic basket in tow. 

"Shut up, Gabi! Uncle Levi and Big Sister are late for their date already, stop disturbing them!" Falco sighed and tried to pull Gabi away, "here, Big Sister, I hope you and Uncle Levi have lots of fun today!" 

You nodded and waved the kids goodbye and went outside, looking again at Levi who still had his arms across his chest. Onyankopon was right behind Levi, giving you a smile. 

"Come on brat, let's go." Levi rolled his eye again as you passed the picnic basket to Onyankopon. Pushing Levi's wheelchair, Onyankopon told you to wait by the pavement as he went to drive the car over. 

"... do I really have wrinkles?" Levi muttered once Onyankopon left. You snorted and tried to hide it with a small cough.

"Hmm… well… I mean, uh… your crow's feet do seem to be… uh—" 

"Fine. Enough." Onyankopon arrived and Levi dismissed you, clearly knowing the answer in his heart. You giggled as he came out to help Levi up into the car while you kept his wheelchair in the boot. 

"The weather today is lovely," Onyankopon smiled as he began driving, "it's a good day to be out in the sun."

"And yet, she still does not want to tell me what we're doing today." 

"You'll find out later." You chuckled again holding Levi's hand, watching the scenery outside pass by. You sought help from Onyankopon and the kids weeks ago to look for nice picnic spots in Marley. With the spring breeze flowing and the flowers blooming, you thought it would be a perfect opportunity to spend undisturbed time with Levi. You thought a change of scenery might do him some good too; to help him out of this depressive state. After another quarter, Onyankopon stopped the car near the park and went to take Levi's wheelchair out. 

"I'll pick you two up at eight, is that okay, y/n?" You checked your watch and it was a little past four. You nodded your head and thanked Onyankopon before taking the picnic basket and another bag from the front seat. Placing the picnic basket on Levi's lap, you helped him put on his fedora and his eye patch before wheeling him ahead. 

"So, are you going to tell me why we are here in this godforsaken place?" Levi questioned you again as you began pushing him on a stony path. 

"I'm taking you out on a date, obviously." You teased him again as you suddenly pushed him faster, causing his fedora to nearly fly away. Levi tutted angrily and said you should never be allowed to push his wheelchair again. 

A few moments later, you and Levi arrived at a shop offering bicycles for rent. You paid the shopkeeper some money and then he rode a quadricycle over. You took the picnic basket and bag from Levi's lap and placed it in the front seats of the quadricycle. Once more, Levi gave you a look of confusion. 

"Well, up now, I rented this for the day," you gestured. Levi awkwardly looked away, subconsciously placing his hand on his bad knee and grimaced, knowing that you of all people should know how he wasn't like before. What were you thinking, making him cycle when you knew it was going to be hard for him?

"Come on, Levi, stop depending on that wheelchair. You have to prevent your knee from becoming worse, right?" You smiled encouragingly, offering your hand out. You had expected that Levi would be unhappy, but you likewise knew that you shouldn't treat him differently from before. Whether or not he was Levi Heichou of the Survey Corps, or now as Levi the war veteran, he was still Levi—the Levi you loved. Whether he had physical disabilities or not, Levi was still the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with. You didn't want to push him, you wanted Levi to get out of this self-pitying state himself. After a long while, Levi held your hand and pushed himself up from the wheelchair. Slowly but steadily, you guided Levi up on the seat of the quadricycle, placing his feet on the pedals. 

"W-wait. What about the wheel—"

"Don't worry, sir, your item will be safely kept here." The shopkeeper kindly replied and Levi seemed to relax a little. It was hard trying to move around without the wheelchair, but maybe you were right. He should try to depend on it less. "We'll close at around 10pm, so please remember to come by before then." The both of you nodded and you took your seat on the left. Looking at Levi, you gave him another smile and asked if he was ready. You could see Levi massaging his knee again. Levi took a deep breath and sighed, telling you to start pedalling. 

It was hard at first, but Levi gradually got used to the momentum again. The both of you kept your pace slow, taking your time to enjoy the scenery passing by, the sound of birds chirping, and the gentle rustling of leaves. The sun was obscured by the clouds and there wasn't much of a crowd as well. You saw Levi's face relax gradually, the crease on his forehead slowly disappearing. Levi seemed to be more at ease with paddling on the quadricycle as well. You smiled to yourself. Bringing Levi out was indeed doing him well. 

"Are you doing okay?" You checked in with your lover, making sure he wasn't overexerting himself. After he gave you a nod, you pointed to a large shady tree about 200 metres away, telling Levi that it was the next stop. Reaching the tree, you told Levi to remain seated first. 

"Are you up for a walk?" 

"... Hah?"

"A walk, Levi. Let's go for a walk."

"N-no, I don't think I can—"

"We'll walk slowly. Forget about the walking stick. You don't need it, I'm here." 

Levi looked hard at you, face remaining emotionless. The frown on Levi's face became more and more evident as the seconds passed. You continued to stare right into Levi's eye, your resolve unwavering. A few seconds later, Levi broke eye contact and sighed again before reaching out his hand towards your direction. 

"You better not make me regret this," Levi muttered under his breath, "you're forcing a crippled man to walk when you jolly well know he can't." You rolled your eyes.

"First off, Levi"—you took his hand and slowly guided him down the quadricycle—"you're not crippled. Secondly, you walk fine. Thirdly, think of this as rehabilitation, hmm? And lastly, stop complaining like an old man." You stood on Levi's right side and interlocked your arm with his, making sure he wasn't putting too much pressure on his knee. 

"Where are we going?" 

"Not far. We're just going to that small pond over there," you pointed towards a pond just in front, "let's go and feed some ducks." Levi scoffed hearing you.

"As long as they keep their feathers and shit to themselves." 

The walk to the small pond was slow but pleasant. The heat from the sun was warm against your skin, the scent of the earth was refreshing. Levi held on to his fedora as the wind blew gently, and the sound of the grass and gravel crunching underneath your feet was playing like a contrasting melody. Once you two reached the pond, you opened your sling bag and took out a slice of white bread. Levi raised his eyebrow slightly.

"These are stale bread from a week ago." You chuckled before tearing it into half, passing one to Levi. You further tore your half into more tiny pieces before throwing them little by little into the pond. Some of the ducks in the pond started waddling over. Several tortoises also popped their heads above the water. There were also fishes fighting amongst themselves for the last few pieces. Levi looked at you before tearing the bread in his hand, scattering them all across the pond. The fishes and ducks dispersed and finished all those pieces of bread within the next minute. 

"Do you have more bread on you?" Levi asked as he finished scattering the last few pieces of bread in his hand. You laughed and took out a few more slices.

"Maybe we can go to the pier next time," you commented once those hungry birds finished all the bread in your bag, "we should try feeding the seagulls." Levi scoffed again and let you hold on to his elbow. 

"Tch. And have them shit on our heads? No." 

The both of you began walking back to the quadricycle. Reaching into another bag, you took out a small paper kite. Levi raised his eyebrow again. 

"Do you like it? I had Gabi and Falco do it together with me." You smiled and flipped the kite over, letting Levi see the doodles they did. Levi smirked when he realised who the five blobs of colour drawn on the kite were. You held onto the string and passed Levi the kite, telling him to lift the kite above his head while you moved back. 

"OKAY, LEVI, THROW THE KITE HIGH AFTER I COUNT TO THREE!" You shouted and Levi gave you the thumbs up. After counting to three, Levi threw the kite high and you jogged backwards, pulling the string up to get the kite into the sky. Releasing the string bit by bit, Levi slowly made his way to your side as the kite now started flying a short distance away. You gave Levi a smile and tied the string around the tree trunk before going to the quadricycle, taking out the picnic basket and setting the mat.

"Now… let's see what the kids made for our picnic." You rubbed your palms together excitedly and opened the basket. You took out a container of hot stew, some freshly baked sourdough bread, cheese, mushroom quiche, and a small container of fruits too. You arranged the food on the mat and took out the bowls, cutlery, and a few serviettes. Pouring some stew into the small bowl, you passed it to Levi's left before giving him the spoon. 

"It seems pretty decent," Levi uttered as he took a spoonful of stew and eyed you, "are you sure they did it all on their own?" You ate some stew and nodded.

"Well, Onyankopon did give them pointers, and I was the one who gave them the recipes, but yeah. The kids made it all by themselves. Not bad, huh? Maybe we should let them open a small food stall along the streets." you took another few mouthfuls of stew, "it's time for them to contribute to the household finances." Levi tutted angrily instead.

"They're too young to be doing shit like that, you brat. Don't be ridiculous." 

You giggled, cutting some mushroom quiche for Levi. "I'm joking. Of course I wouldn't let Falco and Gabi do something like that. " The crease on Levi's forehead disappeared again as he ate, passing you his bowl for more stew. Levi and you took your time savouring the good food prepared by the two kids. It was pretty decent, and indeed you were secretly thinking of letting them open a small food business once they are of age. 

Once all the food was finished, you told Levi to pack everything fast. Bewildered, Levi didn't say anything, yet he wondered what you were up to again. You got Levi up onto the quadricycle again and told him that there was one place you wanted to bring him. Stopping the quadricycle, you helped Levi down and laced your arm around his again, walking him to some benches ahead. The park was located right next to the sea, and it was pretty empty, just the way you hoped. 

"Come on," you muttered as you helped him down, walking towards the bench, "we're just in time." 

"For what?"

"You'll see."

Taking your seats on the bench, you checked your watch before glancing ahead again, looking at the dispersing clouds. Before long, the sun started to set, painting the sky a beautiful hue of red, orange, and yellow. You could feel Levi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and you grabbed his hand, feeling your fingers interlock. The both of you continued to stare silently at the magnificent view ahead, watching the sun descend lower and lower, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, feeling the wind blowing against your skin. You could feel Levi's calloused fingers caressing your knuckles, and the familiarity tickled something in your memory.

"Brings back memories, huh, Heichou," you peeked at Levi, seeing him trying to hide a small smile as well, "we used to do this all the time." Levi hummed in agreement, keeping his eye on the sunset instead. 

"I still think the view from the top of the walls were nicer though"—you let go of Levi's hand and stretched your hands—"it was higher, more windy, less obstruction, and more—"

"And more dangerous," Levi frowned as he interjected. You laughed once more, closing your eyes to feel the wind in your hair again. You thought back to the reason why you decided to bring Levi out today, and even though you knew it might make him unhappy, you also knew you had to talk to him about it. Minutes later, the sun had already gone below the horizon, and the sky was gradually getting darker as well. Soon, the lamps nearby slowly started lighting up. 

"Say, Levi," you broke the silence once more and Levi hummed in acknowledgement again, "do you… miss the old days?" 

"... why'd you ask?"

"I miss those days too, you know. I miss all our friends and comrades too. Every single one of them. Every day." 

Levi didn't say a word. You guessed he was probably upset. Yet, you took a deep breath and decided to just tell him the words on your mind. 

"I know it's not easy for you to, I don't know, adapt to a normal life again seeing how you've been in the Corps for nearly half your life. B-but, I just don't want to see you wallowing in self-pity, okay? It hurts me to see you like this. 

"I don't care whether or not you have missing eyes and fingers, I don't care if you have to be in a wheelchair forever. I'll gladly feed your meals and bathe you, I'll wear your shoes for you and I'll push you wherever you want to go. We'll hunt around Marley to look for beautiful spots to watch the sunset and the stars. I love you for who you are, and that will never change. Falco and Gabi love their Uncle Levi too. So, j-just, don't give up, okay?"

"Who said anything about giving up?" Levi turned to you, a look of annoyance appeared on his face. 

"W-well, I don't know, you're always looking so listless, and you're not eating and sleeping well. I haven't seen you smile in a long time. And once I saw you staring at the mirror looking like you're abo—"

"Hey, hey, stop it, okay? Stop worrying. I'm fine. Really." Levi held your hand and gave you a squeeze. "I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, okay? It's, it's j-just—I'm—"

"Shh. It's okay. I get it. I get you." you hushed him, gently holding him close. You didn't need to see Levi's face to know that he was probably going to tear up, a side of him that will never be seen by anyone else; anyone except you. "Everything will be alright, I promise you. I won't leave you. I'll be by your side." 

The both of you remained in each other's embrace, letting your hug do the talking. Patting Levi's back rhythmically, you heard him let out a long sigh before pulling you even closer, tightening his grip around your waist as he buried his head in the crook of your shoulder. You didn't feel the need to ask Levi what he was thinking about, and likewise, Levi knew you wouldn't ask him about it. After a long while, Levi finally loosened his grip around you. The moon was hanging high in the sky and the wind was getting colder. The stars shone like little specks of glitter in the ink-coloured sky. 

"Feeling better?"

"Y-yeah, better," Levi hastily wiped the remnants of tears from his cheek, "thank y-yo—

—you interrupted Levi mid-sentence with a soft kiss.

"I love you, Levi. Always remember that. Hmm? I mean it." you gave him another small smile before stroking his cheek, pressing another fleeting kiss on his chapped lips. Levi's larger hand cupped yours as he kissed you back, feeling like time around him stopped, and nothing else in the world mattered. The feeling of your lips on his, the coldness of your cheeks, the warmth from your body; they were real, and a reminder that he was still here, and he was still alive.  

Levi broke the kiss first, struggling to find the right words to say while he looked at you. Chuckling, you gave him another smile and mouthed it's okay once more. Levi was never good with words and he was never a good talker, but it never bothered you anyway. Levi gave you an appreciative look while you looked at your watch.

"Come on, Levi. Let's get back to the bicycle shop." 

Helping Levi on his feet, you guided him up the quadricycle and the both of you slowly cycled back to the shop. Thanking the shopkeeper for keeping Levi's wheelchair safe, you opened it and gestured to Levi to take his seat, yet Levi shook his head instead. 

"Let's walk to the main entrance. There's still time, right?" Levi offered to hold the picnic basket and kite while another hand held your arm for support. You tried to hide your smile as you both walked, listening to the owls hooting in the far distance. Onyankopon's car was already waiting outside by the time you reached the entrance. Seeing Levi walking next to you, a wide smile broke across Onyankopon's face as well.

The journey back home was quiet, yet Levi felt like the weight had been finally lifted off his shoulders. You held on to Levi's hand as he laid on your shoulder, drifting somewhere between sleep and consciousness. Levi knew his road to recovery would not be an easy one. But with you by his side, it was like he found his wings of freedom once more. And for the first time in a long while, Levi went to sleep with a smile.

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing hurt/comfort so I understand if it sucks and there's no hurt or comfort at all LOL I prommie I'll do better for the rest of the requests 🥺

Tagging: @levi-lover @ack3rlady @cinnamonlevi @imkumichan @kristinecharmm @notgoodforlife @jean-prettyboy-kirschtein @evas-leslas @sweet-assh0le @hannie2kay @levislovingwife @galactict3a @hauntedhousecat @suukee @thesimpsstuff @ackermendick @greenfurret @jayteacups @nelapanela94 @postwarlevi @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @svftackerman @chaotic-nick @lilshades @youre-ackermine

Rei’s Birthday Event master list | Rei’s Springtime Event grand master list

Event tag list | Rei’s tag list

[kairiscorner]

spider noir with a reader with thick thighs??? overall fluff of course!! but having a loving partner who loves every part of their partner's body is nice👉👈

OOOOOO WONDERFUL IDEA ANON! here ya go, i hope it's any good <: ) and hoping you all feel loved about yourselves, just as you all deserve to feel <333

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: peter's always had fantasies of lying down on your soft lap, but he's never worked up the courage to ask you completely, and when he does get the chance, he holds back in fear of weighing you down too much. but you reassure him, and he feels feelings too good that he doesn't have any words for it, except–

word count: 1,264

if there was anything peter always found himself looking forward to at the end of his day, it's always coming home to you, his lovely partner. no matter how bad his day got, seeing you and hearing your symphony of a voice to him is all it takes to make him forget about his worries and frustrations.

"i'm home, love." he'd always call out as he sets his gray fedora on the coat stand and hangs his dark gray coat on it as well. you'd always return the greeting with a "welcome home!" and a "how was your day, dear?" just hearing the sweet words coming from your honey-like voice was cathartic for him already; he could feel the weight being lifted off his shoulders when he hears you.

and as if right on cue, you were seated on the couch, with your soap opera about to come on in a few minutes. your beaming smile when you saw peter lightened up his mood immediately. you got up from the couch and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"welcome home, love." you greeted him as you nuzzled your face into his chest. he chuckled at your eagerness to greet him, and he kissed the top of your head. "had a good day?" you asked him as you took his hand and sat down on the couch, with him following you and sitting down alongside you. "i did now that i'm back home with you." he teased you as he kissed your cheek, with you giggling slightly at the contact.

"oh, peter. ever the tease." you said as peter relaxed into the sofa, his arm behind your back as he laid it on the back rest's top. you leaned against him as your soap opera came on. peter looked down at you and smirked to himself, then his eyes wandered down farther to the lower parts of your body, down to your lap; one of all his favorite parts of you. he couldn't focus much on the soap opera anymore, and instead, he fought the urge to want to ask you if he could lay down on your lap and maybe knead the flesh of your inner thighs, caress them as much as he wished because he seriously could not help himself. just gazing at and lying down on them weren't enough, he wanted to really feel them in his hands, and tickle you, even.

peter had always admired the way you looked and presented yourself, the most effective way to rile him up would be to wear smaller skirts, or if you were really confident, a pair of shorts that showed off your thighs. peter's favorite part of you, apart from every other part on your body, were your thighs; they were just so supple and soft, they were so heavenly and so alleviating to rest upon, at least in his mind. he thought acts like this were way too intimate, however, and that he had no right to just jump in and lie down on you without asking you.

it wouldn't be his first time fantasizing about relaxing on your lap, but he worried he'd be too heavy for you, considering how much taller he was than you and how built he was, he didn't want you to do anything that would discomfort you so. but you noticed peter's unfocused gaze from the television and looked at him, and his gaze met yours.

he was blushing, red and pink clashed on his cheeks, all the way up to the tips of his ears. he cleared his throat. "so, they figured out who the protagonist's true foil is, hmm?" he asked as he folded his leg over the other as he moved closer to you, and you smiled as you shook your head. "it's a romcom, peter." you reminded him, to which he adjusted his glasses and blushed a deeper hue than before and let out a low chuckle.

"ah, but you see, my love, the modern romcoms nowadays are... a lot more action-packed now, and, uh..." he blabbered as he fumbled over his words, his eyes still looking down at your plush lap, with you smirking slyly at peter as you put your thumb on his chin and turned his head to the side to look at you square in the face. "you fancy laying on my lap, peter? maybe... touching my thighs?" you teased him further as he watched you angle your thighs a little higher, and peter noticed, they were thicker than he imagined them to be.

"oh sweet heavens..." peter found himself muttering as he inched closer to you, trying to get a better eyeful of your beautifully sculpted legs, wanting to knead the fat of them, to lie down on them as if they were the softest pillows on the finest bed on earth. you giggled. "you can do more than just stare, pete." you told him, to which peter jolted up and looked at you with his blushing, dorky smile.

"you... mean it?" he asked you in disbelief as you nodded with a smile. you gently patted your lap and pulled his hand softly. "come, peter, you've had a long day. let me help you rest." you said with a sweet smile as peter hesitantly, but happily, leaned down close to your lap, jaggedly moving downwards to lie down on you, trying not to put all of his weight on you as he finally made contact with your lap.

peter couldn't believe it, he ran his hand across your right thigh, feeling your skin underneath his palm, the warmth that came from it and the smoothness of it, the suppleness of the flesh... it all felt so real. so real, and so fantastic to peter. he smiled wider as he turned his head to look at you. "you're holding back, aren't you?" you asked him as you put your hand on his cheek. "what do you mean?" he asked you as your hand moved to his hair, running your hand through his dark locks, massaging his scalp, which caused him to relax more, releasing a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding in.

"you're obviously keeping yourself up still, you're not really lying down." you point out as you gently lay peter's head down on your lap, him mumbling some words of excuse, which you shush and just keep telling him to rest on you. "just lay on me, you're not that heavy, pete." you reassured him as you rubbed your hand over his forehead, relaxing him further as he let out a much needed sigh yet again.

"i'm in heaven. truly, utterly, in heaven. and i have no idea what i did to deserve this heaven..." he muttered as you giggled. you bent over and gave his lips a small kiss, with him kissing you back as he muttered yet again an, "i love you too much to bear".

"every part of you is amazing, dear..." he remarked as he rubbed over your thighs and looked up at you, grinning. "but your thighs... oh, they captivate me all too well. they're my... favorite, truly favorite, part about you." he remarked as he smirked up at you, blushing deeply as he lay back on your lap, peacefully. he was forgetting his gripes and pains from today, and just taking in the long, lovely moment of lying there on your lap; just being with you and only you, admiring you all the while as he runs a hand over your lap, rubbing circles into them with a content smile.

a/n: MMMMMMMM THICK 👏 THIGHS 👏 SAVE 👏 LIVES 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

tags !! @thecoolerdor @miguelswifey04 @k4tsu3 @luvstarrstruck @connors-cumslurper @maxoloqy

[the-empress-7]

About Kate and Sophie — it’s been said that they have very similar taste in fashion and style that Sophie will sometimes purchase two of things and give one to Kate.

For instance the purple fedora-style hat Kate sometimes wears in winter with brown/leopardish band - Sophie bought it for her since she has one too, though in different colors.

So it makes sense that sometimes Sophie and Kate will end up in similar looking outfits, because they both probably enjoy the same styles and trends. But it doesn’t mean that Sophie is a copykate - Sophie has her own style as well, and has worn plenty of things that we’ll never see Kate in (like jumpsuits and leather skirts).

I agree anon, and that hat is one of my favorites.

[decaydanceredacted]

as a guy who gets so very turned on when people clearly know how to Do Things and a guy who creams his jeans watching people be insanely embarrassing patrick stump is literally perfect. okay boy tell me about the monkey orgasm button and then write some of the most beautiful songs known to man and sing with the worlds most angelic voice. awkwardly recite some sentences in one of the languages youre learning then tell me about guitar pickups and how to produce a song. wear your gayass absolutely awful fedoras that nobody should be caught dead in while preforming a show like Nobodys Fucking business im gonna literally die. i need him i literally need him so fufking bad pleas epatric

-sweat anon ^_^

.

[fruityyamenrunner]

This community note on the platform formerly known as Twitter is a noteworthy example of the dire state of anti-woo.

This note is going to get policed by polite people as being written by the ghost of a fedora atheist (derogatory) (indeed, the epithet attached by the person who brought it to my attention was "new atheist reddit tier shit") and is therefore ludicrous.

I note first that aalewis' famous quote is from 2013, a time when even *atheism*, let alone "scepticism" was on the downswing, hence aalewis' otherwise unremarkable quote taking off both within and further fuelling the reaction. That was almost 10 years ago.

Here's a Google trends graph of the colocation "fedora atheist'. The step is in 2012. The "fedora atheist" as an unmemed "authentic" phenomenon - if there ever was one - is essentially a late 2000s figure, becoming a *memed* folk devil in the early 2010s.

This folk devil, ten years on, can still be evoked in the face of a very minor anti-woo reaction like the above.

But this response is *itself* compromised in a way no actual fedora wearing skeptic speaking about alternative medicine before (idk where to date the beginning of this wave) would be.

The response objects, up front, to the characterisation of these modalities as "traditional" on the grounds they are modern inventions.

This is no good -- anyone who has read the book titles of Eric Hobsbawm knows that traditions can date from any time, so it's a bad argument.

The argument the anons writing it *really* want to make is the one they offer halfheartedly -- that those modalities are *unscientific* -- that they are "pseudoscience" --, and that scientific authorities like the WHO should not be promoting them.

But they can't -- the spirit of the times is so anti-anti-woo that you get the above which, read literally, suggests that what makes something a pseudoscience is that it was developed parallel to a science. And makes no argument that the UN should not be promoting it -- that is purely implicit.

[merakiui]

Mer eggs anon here and Mera-

I just had to bring the idea to you that one fool proof way to excite the merboys is pulling their ties/scarves

Be it flustering them unexpectedly, pulling them to your height for a threat or whatever They would simply melt for it

I can practically hear Floyd going "Oooo do that more~" if you pull him down and angrily scold him (I feel like depending on his mood but also it feels like a 9 times out of 10 he would perk up from a bad mood cause its interesting)

And I feel like Jade would enjoy it too- just smug boy teasing back

Every version of Azul would fucking melt like butter if you pulled him down like that and I refuse to believe differently

Also hiding your faces behind a hat for a kiss? I EAT THAT SHIT UP

Fun fact about your beloved egg man

I am a sucker for people in suits- Women, Men, NBs and the ones who are neither

Signing off

Mer Eggs Anon

OMG YES AAAAAAAAA I'm also so weak for tugging on the ties/scarves!!!! Imagine if it's in omegaverse as well... orz small omega darling who drags the alpha tweels down to their height and they let you do it because ooooo you're so cute when you're demanding and taking control!!! >0< omg and Azul becoming flustered... yes yes!!! He absolutely tries to remain composed, but then you're hiding him and yourself behind his fedora while you kiss him and it's over for Azul!!! He explodes. <3

I like to think Jade does this the most because he likes being coy and teasing you. Floyd will just kiss you outright; he's huge on PDA. Azul's somewhere in between. He wants everyone to know you're his, but he also has a classy image to uphold and he doesn't want to overdo it. If he's feeling it, he definitely takes you aside and kisses you behind his hat hehe. Although it's a different story if he's jealous. He's far more bold then.

And suits!!!!! Aaaaa suits my beloved!!! You have wonderful taste, mer eggs!! Suits are so pretty and handsome! Have you seen the beautiful suits the twst cast wear for the Disney 100 Years merchandise!!!! >v< it's very lovely hehe!!

[lionofchaeronea]

You're the guy I can imagine wearing a fedora and it looking suave and chic instead of creepy.

Thank you, anon. As someone who loves 1940s style, I consider that a high compliment indeed.

[afterthegreatunknown]

7 for the great unknown survivors?

sorry for the late reply anon.

i was writing a response to you when my laptop thought it funny to turn off due to low battery (usually it gives warning to charge except this one time), tumblr decided to NOT save the rough draft of it (when in the past this happened before, they save it. maybe it's an ask thing.)

i got so mad i had to log off for the rest of the day and watch cooking shows on the tv to cool off and to rewrite my response to you.

anyway, to your questions! all of this is bookverse (unless stated). i didn't really think about weight, so this is just ages and heights.

ages

quagmires: 13. i headcanon them as turning 13 pre-taa by taa proper they been 13 for a while.

fiona: 16. i headcanon her as turning 16 during tmm; near the end in fact. in some aus, fiona is 15 though (but she's still older than violet given it's implied fiona is the oldest of the unfortunate gen).

fernald: his age was haunting me ever since reading tgg. i actually had to headcanon his age via math so my personal timeline makes sense. fernald is ~30, for he was ~14 when fiona was born.

(netflix!fernald is ~33; i bumped him up on account of the changes netflix asoue did for lots of stuff they did with the timeline.)

hector: given that the one clue we have for hector is that he's one year younger than lemony, i gave him a rough age of ~35, for i heacanon lemony as ~36.

widdershins: another age that haunts me since reading tgg. he's clearly on the older side, but i'm on the boat that has mrs. widdershins as the older of the couple because of the implication of fernald's age. so with some more math, i headcanon his age at ~39; same age as the snicket twins, denouements, and gustav, for fun extra details.

(netflix!widdershins is ~65; again on account of the changes of netflix asoue did regarding the timeline, i personally headcanon netflix!widdershins as an original member of vfd when it was first founded, alongside other characters, and his age need to reflect it.)

heights

quagmires: 5'1 (154cm). i imagine them at a taller height when adults.

fiona: 5'3 (160cm). and i headcanon her as the shortest of the unfortunate gen too; that means the quagmires as adults are taller than 5'3.

fernald: 5'11 (180cm). he's tall, but i think his whole attitude + wardrobe (trench coat, fedora hat), gives the illusion he's taller (heck maybe he wears boots too. i think he's the boot sort of guy).

hector: 5'7 or 5'8 (170cm or 172.7cm). he's tall, but tall in from a short person perspective (re: baudelaires). i have a flux headcanon hector lies about his height to appear taller (5'9 aka 175cm), but this rarely appears in fics of mine.

widdershins: 6'2 (188cm). while the tallest of the group of survivors, widdershins is shorter than the taller members of the sbg (denouements, jacques, olaf). he got lucky with his genes + new upbringing in vfd (he should have been shorter).

thank you so much the ask, anon! again, i do apologize for the late response, and that it's to your liking.

[afterthelambs]

Anon suggested I do this so here you go! (Sorry if you came to my blog for normal reasons✌️here we are cringe and free)

This isn't a design tier list (I think most of their personas have cool designs). It's purely about how fast it takes me to decide whether to smash or pass. Some of them i just dont know how it would even work. And some of them, well..... just one chance please. please.

More detailed explanations below the cut. Warning: long and sort of nsfw? You know what they say, "no sideblog, we lose followers like men"

I've talked about Akechi's personas a lot before but Im gonna do it again since theyre just so good. Loki is a definitive no.1 for me both in terms of fuckability (snatched waist, claws, hypnotizing pattern) and also design. Compared to other personas, he doesnt wear an outfit or additional accessories, it's just the braids and gold pumps and the huge sword. It's a simpler design which makes it more sleek and powerful and lethal (since the emphasis is on his sharp edges). Plus sticking to minimal colors makes him more memorable

Arsène is second place for the exact same reasons as Loki (minimal colors and accessories) plus he got the childbearing hips. Both Arsene and Loki got that freak in them but my headcanon is that Loki is openly freaky while Arsene acts like a gentleman to conceal his freakishness until the right moment. And personally I find open freakiness hotter in personas. Sidenote: Closet freak x Open freak is a peak dynamic and this is why I'm an Arsene/Loki truther

Célestine is a total baddie. Look at her... I love the huge braids that form a heart (similar to Loki, maybe I just like big-ass braids). I think her off-shoulder top and tights are so hot. She's wearing glasses and glasses are sexy. She's stepping on someone and I wish it was me.

Hereward is here for one thing: fat ass. I couldn't find a back shot of him but when you use him at the end of the game we see everything from a backwards angle and well,,., it's very thicc. And i'm an ass + thighs guy at the end of the day, so. (Also design-wise I think it does a great job combining the lethal vibes of Loki with the noble dignity of Robin Hood. It's the perfect representation of Akechi's character growth)

Satanael is huge which means he definitely has that monster dick. I like that his hands and feet look like bony claws. He's terrifying and demonic and that's what I'm here for. Robin Hood has huge boobs. I kinda wanna feel them up 🥺👉👈 if he'd let me. He's lower ranked than Akechi's other personas because ppl interpret him as the 'good/nice' one as opposed to Loki's nightmare fuel. And I just find freakish personas hotter. Thats just me tho. Raoul is at the bottom of S-tier because he's like Arsene but less childbearing hips :( They also replaced the top hat with a fedora(?) which is so funny

"Hot" tier means I think they're hot but i had to think about it first (aka not an instant smash). It's Carmen, William, and Vanadis. Carmen is still sexy but less cunty than Celestine (Carmen doesnt have the huge braids rip). William has great drip and a hot skull face but he's stick thin so i banished him to this tier. That guy has no thighs. Vanadis looks sinister, but has too many patterns going on for me. I like everything from her waist up tho

"Eye-candy" tier means I wouldn't smash but they still look hot. I put Captain Kidd, Hecate, Kamu Susano-o, Zorro, and Ella. They all have the same issue. Too many accessories or patterns/colors is apparently a turn off for me? Captain Kidd and Hecate at least look terrifying in the sexy way. Zorro is dorito-shaped which is more funny than hot. Ella just looks pleasant, which makes her pretty but not fuckable. If I wanted pleasant I'd go after a nice normal human. But these are personas, I'm here for quasi-monster fuckery. Give me terrifying and freaky

"Maybe if you paid me" tier means I'd definitely pass but I'm not that opposed to it. I put Gorokichi, Cendrillon, Seiten Taisei, Mercurius, Diego, Agnes, and Astarte. These have the same issues as the "eye candy" tier (too many accessories, patterns/colors, etc.) and also noticably diminished in their lower halves (I told u I'm an ass + thighs guy lol). I'm so sad that Seiten Taisei doesnt have a scary skull face like ryuji's other personas. Astarte is Haru's hottest persona by far and I got so upset that her third awakening brought back the big dress noooo give me back the golden bra lady.

"Pass" is self-explanatory. Every other persona is unfuckable to me. I feel like the most controversial ones in this tier might be Johanna and Anat? Sorry, I know some people are into robots but personally I'm not.

This was fun! Thanks for the suggestion anon. All my personal preferences obviously, I hope no one gets offended (?). If you've read all the way to the end for some reason then congrats, you are officially one of my strongest soldiers

[britishassistant]

We need some more octo-trio shenanigans in this house! How about this, yuu receives a coupon for half off at Mostro Lounge, they show up wanting to cash in (and looking like a total snack themselves) but once they’re seated they’re tied up and their attention is directed to the main stage, cue leviathan and Co trying to seduce the reporter through the power of bombastic musical numbers

Anonymous said: If azul ever had a song in this au I headcanon it to be either “phantom” by natewantstobattle or “poor unfortunate souls” (Jonas brothers ver.) both are equal parts rock and roll and just intimidating enough to get the message across, though for the sake of the funny rule I’d lean more towards “poor unfortunate souls” just because I can see him dragging poor yuu around while he’s singing

Thank you for the asks, dear anons!

Yuu should’ve known better.

After Azul discontinued his “frequent kidnapping” cards, Yuu should’ve known that he’d never actually give out a voucher for 50% off at the original location’s black tie evening without there being some sort of catch behind it.

But they were hungry, and short on funds, and damn it, they just want something nice to eat that doesn’t mean they have to break the bank or exhaust themselves after an already long day by cooking.

The outfit they slip into is an old standby, one that Uncle Divvy had tailored for them back when Yuu was just out of university, after a discussion about their career path and how important it is to dress for the occasion should they wind up covering a high-profile event.

Asymmetrical, form-fitting, with a matching clutch just big enough for the fedora to slide into. The ensemble pairs well with the glittering ivory-into-silver-into-black eyeshadow that Yuu spends ages perfecting the gradient on.

The reporter has to remind themselves not to feel flattered when Floyd actually does a double take when they walk in the door, that any attention from either of the twins is not attention they want if they want to have a nice, peaceful meal.

To say nothing of how their boss will react…

The maitre d’ leads Yuu to a table a reasonable distance from the entrance and the bar, takes the coupon, and brings them a cocktail they spot several other guests sipping on.

An oddly cutesy drink, brightly colored gummies in a tall glass of carbonated liquid, with a sweet, tart taste designed to mask how alcoholic it is.

They resolve to sip it sparingly, and are perusing the menu furiously, trying to work out whether they can afford to splurge on a starter or dessert with the coupon, or if they should focus on eating a filling main, when the already dim lights go out.

There are a few gasps and confused mutters from the other patrons, murmurs from the staff that there’s nothing to worry about, it’s all part of the show—

Yuu feels something cold and metallic brush their waist.

They try to leap out of their chair, get away from it—!

But it’s much too fast, wrapping around them as tightly as an octopus’ tentacles around unwilling prey, trapping their arms and legs by their sides and inducing a sense of vertigo as they’re lifted high into the air, away from where their clutch (their fedora!) is lying on the table.

The lights go up on a stage area below them, Jade sitting behind an electric keyboard while Floyd’s gone and got drums from somewhere. Other Octavinelle minions are standing with their instruments at the ready.

And, of course, Octo Dealer is standing center-stage, a microphone in front of him, wearing a sly grin.

“So lovely of you to come out tonight, my dearest reporter.” He says. “As thanks, I’d like to dedicate a little number we’ve been preparing to you.”

“Hit it!”

Needless to say, Yuu would probably be more impressed if they’d been actually allowed to eat something, before getting roped into this ridiculous song and dance number.