#anna-aurion

[niseku]

a comfortable distraction

[thornbriar]

Well summer season is here

Perfect time to return to the bane of existence my otp and family

[july13th2004]

Source

Artist: ざっく

[asotin]

Tales of Symphonia: The Animation (2007) United World Arc Episode 1

"Even so, I like this world. That's why I thought, 'I want to protect it.' The sky. The air. The land. And you."

[youlighttheskyart]

for the tos secret santa exchange. hope you like it, shark scribbles!

[tenshi-2]

@moldy-mold 's anna with kratos

[krannaweek]

🌕👘Kranna Week 2023 Prompt List🎑🌕

The day for this year’s prompts to be revealed has finally arrived! This year’s promo art was inspired by Tsukimi (Moon-viewing) festivals that take place every year in September in Japan to celebrate the full harvest/autumn moon.

Thank you so, so much to @moldy-mold for illustrating this year’s wonderful promo art and typesetting the prompts and tags! Special thanks also go to @uk_kiwoba for translating the prompts from English to Japanese!

And to all of you who have participated in this event these last four years, thank you so much as well! As always, if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions, please don’t hesitate to contact me, and I’ll see you all in September!

[sherytra]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kratos Aurion & Yuan Ka-Fai, Lloyd Irving & Yuan Ka-Fai, Kratos Aurion & Lloyd Irving, Anna/Kratos Aurion Characters: Yuan Ka-fai (Tales of Symphonia), Botta (Tales of Symphonia), Anna (Tales of Symphonia), Lloyd Irving, Kratos Aurion Additional Tags: Friendship, Analysis, Memories Summary:

From the first moment, Yuan had seen the resemblance.

Feat. some Anna and Yuan friendship because this is the most underrated stuff here (Also Botta is here).

[tosrcountdown]

🌠 7 Days Left! 🌠

We're wrapping up today with a fic preview by @july13th2004 and a story about Kratos, Anna, and Lloyd! During a festival, Kratos notices a certain familiar item from another snowy city...

Read the fic here!

Year of the Snow Bunny https://archiveofourown.org/works/44902780

[soulcluster-moved]

@pompedia / anna “You’re allowed to talk about it, you’re allowed to struggle with it.”

"What I have seen... what I have done, I do not wish to repeat so casually. Least of all to you..." Kratos's voice trailed, and then he thought he should explain the thought further. "I have seen, and done, horrible things in the name of Cruxis. I lost myself."

He raised a hand as if he meant to reach for her, to cup her face, or brush the loose strands of hair that framed her face, or perhaps to just hold her hand in his own, yet instead it fell back by his side.

"The last thing I wish to do is burden you with sins that are mine to bear."

And if he was being honest, he didn't want her to look at him any differently. He had already divulged much of the details of Cruxis to her, including that he used to travel with Yuan, Mithos, and Martel, but he had refrained from the more grisly details.

"However, if you're willing, I would ask that you remain with me. It's selfish, I know, but I feel...lighter when you're with me." He had no other way of explaining it.

[kimberriez]

This is actually something that I've thought about a lot.

I always thought that since Kratos can do magic (he's been exposed to aionis AND he's completed the angel transformation/has a Cruxis crystal) he wouldn't need the ring to use the Eternal Sword. Flamberge seems pretty "magic sword" to me already.

So the reason he can't be the wield the Eternal Sword because he'd be dead if he released the seal.

I assumed he wanted to ring to entrust it to someone trustworthy so he could release the seal with plan in mind, rather than just releasing the seal and hoping someone took care of it?

"I began to search for a way for a human to wield the Eternal Sword."

"So you can unite the worlds?"

"Yes."

I saw this scene again and was like--wait, doesn't that kind of imply that Kratos himself could use the Eternal Sword, without needing to release Origin's seal?

Makes me wonder why he was searching for a way for a human specifically to wield the Eternal Sword even before Lloyd was born. Assuming he needed to die release Origin's seal no matter what, which human had he planned to entrust this to?

[osovereign]

˗ˏˋ plotted starter for @ednaeflowers *˖ ☆

❝ kiddo—edna  i—  ❞  but  he  catches  the  rest  of  his  words  they  spill  onto  the  air  as  oral  tradition.  kratos’  days  had  been as  clockwork  long  ago:  wake  up ,  eat  breakfast ,  carry  lloyd  to  primary  school ,  work ,  leave  work ,  meet  his  wife  to  pick lloyd  up , and  home.  it  was  a  cycle  always  kept  on  rinse  and repeat,  that  was  until  that  one  faithful  day,  until  his  route  wasn’t  so  new  day ,  same  shit  any  longer.  the  one  day  he  had  to  stay  late  with  yuan  to  finish  up  the  last  bits  of  a  presentation  that  was  going  to  have  cruxis  (  the  founder  and  pinnacle  standard  of  all  things  magitechnology  ):  that  he  had  first  saw her ,  a  girl  that  always  seemed  more  half-wild  and  half-hallowed  than  a  mere  high  schooler.  it  had  started  as  all  things,  with  small  acts  not  meant  to  amount  too  much:  a  few  extra  sandwiches  from  work  here  and  an  old  jacket  or  pair  of  jeans  of  anna's  there.  that  was  in  the  beginning  though  and  kratos  aurion  was  far  beyond  the  beginning.  now, but  he  could  recall  it  ever  so  bittersweetly.  as  how  then  his  5:30pms  had  been  spent  actively  seeking  the  misplaced  girlhood  out  whenever  he  could.  she  was  always  so  shy  and  skittish ,  yet  also  forlorn  (  a  thousand  yard  stare  filled  with  a million  ghost  eyes  ):  but,  that  was  then  and  this  is  now.  like  genesis  it  started  like  so,  but  not  as  forbidden,  but  still  forcibly  as  pulling  teeth.  she  was  snarky  with  massively  spit  fired  tongue  and  quick  witted  enough  to  put  yuan  to  great  shame.  yet,  underneath  kratos  knows,  had  seen  it  all  too  well:  that  she  was  just  a  very  sad  and  very  alone  little  girl.

so ,  of  course  he  begun  gathering  information  here  and  there (  what  was  the  point  in  being  a  high  ranking  member  of  cruxis  if  he  couldn’t  pull  a  few  strings?  ):  but  she ,  now  known  as  edna ,  pulled  and  tugged  and  resisted  as  prey  trapped  inside  a  hunger  hunters  eyes.  for  naught  but  a  moment ,  ephemeral  and  still  closely  guarded ,  the  hollowness  and  snark  within  her  seemed  to  disperse  and  she  seemed  to  be  so  much  more  earthbound ,  so  much  more  grounded  in  an assumption  (  of  remembering  how  it  felt  to  be  loved  and  cared  for  ):  had  she  had  let  go  of  her  walls ,  let the  name  of  her  only  living  family  slip  (  how  she  waited  and  waited  and  kept  every  letter  as  it  was  her  own  living  gospel ,  as  her  own  written  alter  of  worship  ):  how  the  name of  eizen tied  with  his  military  branch  and  deployment  unit  had  connected  far  too  easily ,  how  shattered  the  lingering  fragments  of  a  girl  whom  now  was  lost  amongst  the  pieces  laid  before  his  feet  and  kratos ,  even  with  his  love  by  his  side ,  wasn’t  sure  what  to  do. but  what  else  was  kratos  nor  anna  meant  to  do?  it  was  the  eve  of  nine  months  of  …  somewhat  knowing  her  and  kratos  did  what  he  could ,  what  he  was  allowed  to  do  (  a  combination  of  what  he  thought  was  best ,  therapist  advice , and  what  edna  gave  within  arms  reach  ):  but  wasn’t  this  the  purpose  of  abundance  and  adulthood ,  hadn’t  this  been  the  point  of  being  able  to  provide  in  excesses  for  his  family — to  also  give  those  without  a  home  one  too?  grief  did  not  have  a time  limit ,  even  if  we  often  wished  it  too.  how  could  he  compare  (  kratos  couldn’t  nor  would  he  ):  maybe  he  could  share  the  closest  he’d  ever  been  to  loss ,  mayhap  he  could  talk  about  the  first  women  whom  had  ever  loved  him ,  before  he  even  knew  what  he  was  to  love  and  be  loved:  his  dearest  mother.

it  is ,  however ,  a  moment  of  sentimental  frailty  that  is  not  meant  to  last:  kratos  wishes  to  speak  on  the  love  that  can  still  be  found ,  even  within  the  loss ,  longing ,  and  grief  but  would  the  words  that  he  wanted  to  leave  his  tongue  even  come  close  to  her ,  in  the  ways  that  he  would  hope  would  reach  her?  kratos’  soul  twists  and  turns  and  bites  at  itself  in  a  deplorable  devoted  act  of self-punishment  and  within  him  is two  beings  chanting  (  something  about  duty  /  something  about  god  ):  truly ,  even  one  blessed  as  he  still  held  much  sin between  his  teeth  but  where  there  was  sin  lay  the  grounds  for  redemption  and  repentance  and  divine  self-sacrifice.  ❝ eiz—he  wouldn’t  want  you  like  this.  to  miss  someone  is  a  means  of  knowing  how  much  you  loved  them. when  it  gets  too  much,  ❞  it  was  spoken  from  experience,  from  a  place  of  the  purest  love.  in  the  doorway  of  her  bedchambers  was  anna  ready  to  jump  need  kratos  find  his  words  giving  additional  trials  to  the  living  embodiment  before  him,  but  his  will  and  kindheartedness  had  gotten  them  to  this  point  and  it was  an  attempt,  a  closer  attempt ,  and  for  kratos ,  that  would  be  enough.

❝ whenever  i  miss  her,  my  mother.  ❞  because  even  a  living  god  king  could  grieve,  what  was  a  man  if  not  the  grief  of  all  those  he  loved  and  would  ever  love?  ❛ i  recall  all  the  parts  of her  i  loved,  and  yes  it  was  everything,  her  laugh ,  the  way  she  would  hum  while  cooking  stew ,  the  smells  of  her  favorite  perfumes.  ❞  but ,  as  with  all  things ,  grief  was  still  grief  and  it  had  no  time  limit.  ❝  everyone ,  including  myself  at  times ,  wants  you  to  stop  being  sad  but  you ,  like  myself:  will  never  stop  being  sad.  how  could  they  ever  expect  you  too,  how  could  we?  how  could  i?  ❞

its  the  way  he  looks  at  her  tucked  in  form ,  she  was  already  incredibly  small  but  this  way  she  looked  even  smaller  (  all  the  more  childlike,  all  the  more  wounded  ):  and  mayhap ,  he  would  have  found  some  piece  of  beauty  in  this grotesque  decadence  (  death  held  much  beauty ,  for  it  had  once  held  life  ): if  only  it  had  come  as  the  payment  for love ,  without  the  transaction  of  loss  and  for  stolen  happiness — but  all  he  feels  is sorrow  and  grief , sainted  yet  acrid ,  as  in  his  soul festers  a  venomous  blasphemous  maw:  the  weary  bones  of  a  man  only  trying  his  best.  ❝ it  has  been  said  time  heals  all  wounds  but  i  do  not  agree.  much  time  has  passed  since  the  loss  of  my  mother  and  i  long  for  her  embrace  everyday ,  i  have  never  once  stopped.  like  you ,  i  nearly  lost  myself  or …  did  lose  myself  for  much  time  within  the  sadness  and  grief.  but ,  with  time  also  brought  the  acknowledgment  of  accepting  but  never  forgetting.  even  discussing  her  with  you now ,  it  hurts ,  my  heart  weeps  but  my  soul  doesn’t  shatter ,  not  anymore.  ❞

that  is,  what  kratos  doesn’t  say.  he  doesn’t  say  how  his  soul  cannot  shatter  any  longer  because  the  soul  of  whom  he  had  been  before  anna ,  before  lloyd — before  his  family,  edna  included,  had  been  broken  into  pieces  that  could  never  be  put  back  together.  his  mind ,  having  gone  insane ,  had  covered  the  hollowed  memory  with  scar  tissue  to  cope ,  but  the  pain  had  never  left  him  and  much  like  edna ,  would  never  leave  him.  ❝ when  you  no  longer  are  lost  in  the  grief ,  in  the  longing  for ,  in  the  loss.  ❞  gently ,  his  hand  extends  to  gently  pat  her  hand ,  his  eyes  noticing  how  her  sleeves  had  become  soaked  from  her  snot  nose  filled  tears.  ❝ we’ll  be  right  here,  edna.  ready  for  you  in  whichever  way  you  will permit  us.  ❞  because ,  sometimes  life  gave  too  much  unhappiness  and  tragedy  to  those  whom  did  not  deserve  it ,  least  of  all  the  flowering  youth  of  tomorrow.  kratos  and  the  budding  flower  child  before  him  where  grief-stricken  and  desperate for  the  warmth  of  a  summer  that  never  came  during  their  coldest  and  loneliest  of  winters  but  mayhap ,  together  his  family ,  their  family  could  make  even  the  closest of  winters  bestow  upon  their  lives  the  warmest  of  sunlight  upon  their  blossoming  earth.

[thornbriar]

Anyone remember this piece from 2020? Well I went back and fiddled with the colors a bit for fun long while ago and these were the results

tried going with color/shade&lighting scheme of purple and yellow/yellow-orange

Also I wanted to reblog this to the original post but I can’t seem to find it?? Concerning but don’t have time to full out dig for it right now so new post of something old.

[july13th2004]

Fictober 2024 Day 16 (Late)

Category: Fanfiction

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia

Characters/Relationships: Lloyd Irving, Anna Irving, Dirk, Kratos Aurion (mentioned), Lloyd Irving & Anna Irving, Dirk & Lloyd Irving

Genre: Angst/Family/Fluff

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1651

Prompt: “No, I'm not okay.”

Author's Note: So, I’ve decided to write for this event for the first time in three years. I planned on continuing to write for this event in 2022 and 2023, but two years ago I was going through a mental block/had low confidence in my ability to write anything at the time, so I decided not to participate. Then last year I simply wasn't interested in any of the prompts so that's why I didn't participate then as well. Anyway, I'll only be writing for three of the prompts this year (which is much more manageable for me than the last time I participated in this event), and they should hopefully be around 1k words, more or less. This one is rated G, while the next two will be rated T due to a little bit of spice that will be in those ones. The next two will be posted on the 26th and 31st.

Also, lastly, this one is set in my Anna Lives AU, and the last prompt I'll be writing for this event this year will be set in that AU as well.

(Sorry this one is so late… I kinda struggled with the direction of it. The next two should be posted on time.)

For as far back as he could remember, Lloyd had always thought of his mom as a positive and cheerful person. She always persevered through hard times, and her optimism through those trying times was greatly inspiring to him. So it came as a sudden and disappointing surprise to him, when that cheerful and positive demeanor of hers had all but completely disappeared over the past couple of years. He wasn't sure what to do to help his mom become that optimistic and determined person that he admired so greatly once again; but as a now thirteen year old boy, he was certain he'd do almost anything to help her.

So that's why one night, after hearing his mother quietly crying just outside of her closed bedroom door, he decided to finally ask Dirk, the dwarf who had become a dear father figure to him in the past decade since rescuing both him and his mother, about his mom's declining emotional state. The dwarf was currently in his workshop working on a project for someone far away when the young teen arrived to ask him for his advice and wisdom on the matter.

“Hey dad…” Lloyd started, hesitating a little as he entered the workshop. “Can I ask you a question about something?”

Dirk turned around to face his adopted son after setting his tools down on his work table, and flashed him a bright grin before happily replying with, “Sure, my boy! What is it?”

The young teen looked solemnly at the floor, “It's about mom… Why has she been so sad lately? And is there anything I can do to help her? Because I don't know what to do… I miss her being happy no matter what happens, and I just want her to be happy again.”

The dwarf’s grin dropped to a knowing, yet melancholic smile. “Ah, Lloyd, it's really simple… Why ya mother is so sad right now. Ya mother misses ya father terribly.”

Lloyd looked up at the dwarf and frowned, “If that's why, then I don't understand. I don't think he's coming back to us. He could be dead for all I know.”

Dirk sighed and stepped toward the young teen, “Ya might be right, my boy. Yet, I really think ya mother believes your father is somewhere out there, and that he'll return to ya both someday.”

Lloyd’s expression softened slightly and turned thoughtful, “I really hope she's right then, even if I don't care if he returns to us or not… But still, what can I do to help her be happy again? That's all I want…”

The dwarf placed a large, gloved hand on the young teen’s shoulder, and gave him a soft smile, “The answer to that is also really simple, Lloyd. Ya let ya mother know that you're there for her, as ya would with a friend. Let her know that she has the two of us by her side. Most importantly though, ya let her know that everything's gonna be okay.”

“I guess that makes sense…” The teen nodded and his smile widened, “Thanks dad! Then I'll try to talk to her about that tomorrow night.”

“Now remember, Lloyd, be patient.” Dirk stated after taking his hand off the teen’s shoulder, “She’s not going to be all happy and like herself again right away. That's gonna take some time.”

“Okay, I'll try to be patient about it then, dad.” Lloyd said as he turned to leave the workshop.

“Oh, before you go, my boy!” Dirk called out just as Lloyd was about to leave the room, “I've one last thing to say. Talk to ya mother tonight, right away. I wouldn't hesitate and wait until tomorrow.”

The young teen turned around and nodded before giving the dwarf a grin, “All right then, I’ll go talk to her now. Thanks again, dad!”

_________

Lloyd immediately headed back upstairs the moment he left the workshop, with a new resolve after talking with his adoptive father. When he reached his mother's bedroom door, her room being directly across from his own, he couldn't hear the sound of her crying anymore. He hesitated a moment before knocking on the door as the sudden thought of her possibly already being asleep crossed his mind. But the thought left his mind as he considered that she wouldn't go to bed without wishing him good night and to sleep well, first.

“Hey mom, are you still up?” Lloyd asked after gently knocking on the door, “Can I come in?”

“Yes, Lloyd, I'm still awake.” He heard his mother's response from the other side of the door. “You may come in…”

The young teen quietly opened the door and entered his mother's bedroom. She was sitting on the side of her bed and holding a handkerchief in her right hand. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and that was all he needed to see to know that he needed to talk to her right now. He closed the door behind him and stepped toward her.

“Hey mom, are you okay?” Lloyd gently inquired.

He already knew what her answer would be, but he wanted to actually hear her voice her response.

Anna let out a short, sorrowful laugh, before giving her son a knowing and despondent smile, then answered, “No, Lloyd, I'm not okay.”

The young teen glanced from her to the floor, then back at her, and his expression turned sad again as he commented, “I know mom, I could hear you crying earlier.”

She blinked and gave him a mild look of chagrin, a little taken aback that her son would eavesdrop on her.

Lloyd continued, his tone now somewhat nervous, “I-I know you probably didn't want me to hear you crying, and I'm really sorry about that, but I've also noticed that you haven't been your usual self lately. So I-I wanted to talk to you about that tonight… B-Because I-I just want you to be happy again…”

His mother's expression softened, and she gave her son a gentle smile after letting out a sigh. “Oh, Lloyd, I should apologize to you… I wasn't aware of how my current mood has been affecting you, and for that I sincerely apologize. …So yes, I suppose we should, no, need to talk about this. It might help me feel better, and maybe it will help you fully understand why I've been feeling so down lately.”

All Lloyd could do was simply nod and give her a small smile in agreement with her statement. She gestured for her son to sit down next to her on her bed, which he immediately did without hesitation. The two then talked for close to an hour about how she was feeling and why. Anna had to take a couple moments throughout their conversation to let herself cry, and Lloyd would wait patiently for her to continue.

_________

“I'm just so tired of waiting for him to come home, Lloyd.” Anna concluded as she wiped away the last of her tears with her handkerchief.

“Yeah, mom, I kinda want him to come home to us, too…” Lloyd commented in agreement, his expression somewhat downcast.

Silence fell between the two for a moment.

The young teen then continued, his voice filled with a renewed determination, “But I want you to know, mom, that even if he doesn't, that you'll always have us, dad-I mean Dirk and I! We'll always be there for you! No matter what happens, it's going to be okay!”

Anna's eyes began to water, but she forced herself not to cry again. She gently wrapped her arms around her son and hugged him. “Oh thank you, Lloyd! I'm so glad we had this conversation tonight.”

Lloyd was all too happy to hug his mother in return. “No problem, mom! Do you feel any better, though?”

She released him and nodded in affirmation. “Yeah, I feel a little bit better. I think I just needed to talk with you and hear from you that everything's going to be all right.” Then she glanced at the clock on the wall near her bedroom door. “Oh, look at how late it is! You should go to bed now, Lloyd. You have school in the morning, don't you?”

The young teen let out a nervous laugh, then replied, “Ah, yeah, I do… Good night then, mom!”

He quickly hugged his mother again, then hurriedly left the room. Anna figured her son would probably go downstairs and say good night to Dirk before he headed to bed. She got ready for bed a short time later, wearing a small smile on her face, yet her thoughts were still focused on her husband once she crawled into her bed.

Oh Kratos, I know you're out there somewhere, and I hope someday you'll finally come home. I suppose all I can do is wait until that day arrives, despite being tired of waiting and losing hope that that day will ever arrive…

…Though you should know, our son put something in perspective for me tonight. I haven't been my usual self lately and I didn't realize how much that's been affecting him. He helped me realize tonight that even if you never return to me, to us, that I will always have him by my side. And that I also have Dirk, the gruff but kind dwarf who rescued us around a decade ago, by my side. Together, I think we've raised Lloyd into the nice, empathetic young man I always hoped he'd be.

…I still miss you, and love you so much, Kratos, and after tonight, my hope that you'll return to me and Lloyd one day has been somewhat restored. …And I'm now determined again to wait however long it takes for that day to arrive…

Anna then drifted off to sleep, and for the first time in months, she would sleep peacefully through the night.

[twohundredpower]

He'd prepared himself for this day, over and over again-- a gentle reminder in the back of his head that his life here could change, despite how much he hoped it could be this way forever. Lloyd had watched both friends and family come and go to the island more times than he could count; the time spent together never forgotten, but also never enough. If he could have his most selfish wishes granted, he'd want them to stay, to never leave his side again; even though he knew they all had important things to do back at home. Promises to keep, goals to achieve, lives to live to their fullest.

Kratos was never an exception to that.

And yet, no amount of preparation would be enough to ease the ache in his heart. To still the shock that struck him so fiercely, so coldly that it left him breathless; unable to form any coherent thought as his phone hit the floor of the forge, ripping through the door and out into the Mistwood.

It couldn't be true. Even if the others had left.. Colette, Genis, Emil, Dirk, Anna.. he'd just gotten Kratos back. The years spent together in Spirale were more than he could have ever asked for, but they would never amount to the lifetime Lloyd spent without his father at his side. This was their second chance, wasn't it? Why would it be taken from them so quickly?

But as the brunette reached the cottage, tearing through the entrance without so much as a warning--

The dark interior was enough to keep him silent. Cold shadows on the wall, engulfing the space he once knew to feel so warm. A desperate call then died on the tip of his tongue, as brown eyes stared into the abyss before him.

Hesitantly, he took a step. Looking around corners, peering into his father's bedroom. But all that was left in the house were things he knew that belonged to Martel-- there was not a single trace of Kratos Aurion in this place, as if he had never been there at all.

"..."

But he had been.

But he was.

And nothing could erase that. Not his absence here, not the Stars-- nothing would ever be powerful enough to take Lloyd's memories of their time together here. So long as he stayed, so long as his life continued in this world away from his own.. Lloyd would hold onto that. Close to his heart, to the center of his very being. He would always.. always be..

Grateful. For one more chance to be with him.

Proud. That Kratos got to see him grow, to experience moments of his life that Lloyd would have always wanted him to.

Happy. No matter the strife they experienced together, no matter the trials they were forced to face.. at the end of the day, they were always there for one another. Just like family should be. Like they always had been.

.. but still..

He knew Kratos wouldn't want him to feel this way. It.. was always so painful for the man to see him like this, wasn't it? But despite that, in that moment.. as Lloyd clutched at the front of his jacket, curling into himself--

He felt heartbroken. Shattered, as he eventually allowed himself down on his knees; ducking his head close to his chest.

He couldn't cry. Kratos had always been strong for Lloyd.. so he could be strong for him too, couldn't he? But it was impossible for him to utter any hopeful words like he normally did when someone left; to assure Kratos, even if he wasn't here anymore, that they would meet again one day. That he was happy to have just had a little more time with him, to thank him for all that he'd done.. and promise to remain strong.

No.. he wouldn't cry. But for that one, small moment.. Lloyd would allow himself to be engulfed in his heartbreak; shutting his eyes as he breathed out one, quiet sigh.

"Dad.."

I won't die. I'll live on, for as long as I'm able.

In this world, or in Aselia.. I promise I'll keep living.

Until I can see you again.

Until.. I can see you again.

".. I'm sorry.. I didn't get to say goodbye."

[ednaeflowers]

❛ kiddo—edna i— ❜ but he catches the rest of his words they spill onto the air as oral tradition. kratos’ days had been as clockwork long ago: wake up, eat breakfast, carry lloyd to primary school, work, leave work, meet his wife to pick lloyd up, home. it was a cycle always kept on rinse and repeat, that was until that one faithful day, until his route wasn’t so new day, same shit any longer. the one day he had to stay late with yuan to finish up the last bits of a presentation that was going to have cruxis ( the founder and pinnacle standard of all things magitechnology ): that he had first saw her, a girl that always seemed more half-wild and half-hallowed than a mere primary schooler.

it had started as all things, with small acts not meant to amount too much: a few extra sandwiches from work here and an old jacket or pair of jeans of lloyd’s there. that was in the beginning though and kratos aurion was far beyond the beginning. now, but he could recall it ever so bittersweetly. as how then his 5:30pms had been spent actively seeking the misplaced girlhood out whenever he could. she was always so shy and skittish, yet also forlorn ( a thousand yard stare filled with a million ghost eyes ): but, that was then and this is now. like genesis it started like so, but not as forbidden, but still forcibly as pulling teeth. she was snarky with massively spit fired tongue and quick witted enough to put yuan to great shame. yet, underneath kratos knows, had seen it all too well: that she was just a very sad and very alone little girl.

so, of course he begun gathering information here and there ( what was the point in being a high ranking member of cruxis if he couldn’t pull a few strings? ): but she, now known as edna, pulled and tugged and resisted as prey trapped inside a hunger hunters eyes. for naught but a moment, ephemeral and still closely guarded, the hollowness and snark within her seemed to disperse and she seemed to be so much more earthbound, so much more grounded in an assumption ( of remembering how it felt to be loved and cared for ): had she had let go of her walls, let the name of her only living family slip ( how she waited and waited and kept every letter as it was her own living gospel, as her own written alter of worship ): how the name of eizen tied with his military branch and deployment unit had connected far too easily, how shattered the lingering fragments of a girl whom now was lost amongst the pieces laid before his feet and kratos, even with his love by his side, wasn’t sure what to do.

but what else was kratos nor anna meant to do? it was the eve of nine months of … somewhat knowing her and kratos did what he could, what he was allowed to do ( a combination of what he thought was best, therapist advice, and what edna gave within arms reach ): but wasn’t this the purpose of abundance and adulthood, hadn’t this been the point of being able to provide in excesses for his family—to also give those without a home one too? grief did not have a time limit, even if we often wished it too. how could he compare ( kratos couldn’t nor would he ): maybe he could share the closest he’d ever been to loss, mayhap he could talk about the first women whom had ever loved him, before he even knew what he was to love and be loved: his dearest mother.

it is, however, a moment of sentimental frailty that is not meant to last: kratos wishes to speak on the love that can still be found, even within the loss, longing, and grief but would the words that he wanted to leave his tongue even come close to her, in the ways that he would hope would reach her? kratos’ soul twists and turns and bites at itself in a deplorable devoted act of self-punishment and within him is two beings chanting ( something about duty / something about god ): truly, even one blessed as he still held much sin between his teeth but where there was sin lay the grounds for redemption and repentance and divine self-sacrifice.

❛ eiz—he wouldn’t want you like this. to miss someone is a means of knowing how much you loved them. when it gets too much, ❜

it was spoken from experience, from a place of the purest love. in the doorway of her bedchambers was anna ready to jump need kratos find his words giving additional trials to the living embodiment before him, but his will and kindheartedness had gotten them to this point and it was an attempt, a closer attempt, and for kratos, that would be enough.

❛ whenever i miss her, my mother. ❜ because even a living god king could grieve, what was a man if not the grief of all those he loved and would ever love? ❛ i recall all the parts of her i loved, and yes it was everything, her laugh, the way she would hum while cooking stew, the smells of her favorite perfumes. ❜ but, as with all things, grief was still grief and it had no time limit. ❛ everyone, including myself at times, wants you to stop being sad but you, like myself: will never stop being sad. how could they ever expect you too, how could we? how could i? ❜

its the way he looks at her tucked in form, she was already incredibly small but this way she looked even smaller ( all the more childlike, all the more wounded ): and mayhap, he would have found some piece of beauty in this grotesque decadence ( death held much beauty, for it had once held life ): if only it had come as the payment for love, without the transaction of loss and for stolen happiness—but all he feels is sorrow and grief, sainted yet acrid, as in his soul festers a venomous blasphemous maw: the weary bones of a man only trying his best.

❛ it has been said time heals all wounds but i do not agree. much time has passed since the loss of my mother and i long for her embrace everyday, i have never once stopped. like you, i nearly lost myself or… did lose myself for much time within the sadness and grief. but, with time also brought the acknowledgment of accepting but never forgetting. even discussing her with you now, it hurts, my heart weeps but my soul doesn’t shatter, not anymore. ❜

that is, what kratos doesn’t say. he doesn’t say how his soul cannot shatter any longer because the soul of whom he had been before anna, before lloyd—before his family, edna included, had been broken into pieces that could never be put back together. his mind, having gone insane, had covered the hollowed memory with scar tissue to cope, but the pain had never left him and much like edna, would never leave him. ❛ when you no longer are lost in the grief, in the longing for, in the loss. ❜ gently, his hand extends to gently pat her hand, his eyes noticing how her sleeves had become soaked from her snot nose filled tears. ❛ we’ll be right here, edna. ready for you in whichever way you will permit us. ❜

because, sometimes life gave too much unhappiness and tragedy to those whom did not deserve it, least of all the flowering youth of tomorrow. kratos and the budding flower child before him where grief-stricken and desperate for the warmth of a summer that never came during their coldest and loneliest of winters but mayhap, together his family, their family could make even the closest of winters bestow upon their lives the warmest of sunlight upon their blossoming earth.

she is angry; she is enraged; she is indignant—she is crying.

this is not how she wanted him to find her: curled up underneath the blankets of her new bed, her eyes horribly sore and red, and the sleeves of her hoodie are left in dreadful tear-stained condition. it has been like this ever since she first arrived in this house: the sheets are different, and the walls aren't of the same wallpaper, and the furniture is all different, and the windows. the windows were normally small and showed a view of the oak tree just outside the apartment complex if the curtains were pried apart, and beyond that would be the sidewalk she usually treks on the way to school, and there'd sometimes be dried leaves sprawled all over the asphalt for her to crunch with her shoes if she's bored— and that, that's all gone now. it's all gone just like how onii-chan is gone.

she'd gotten the notice herself this morning, actually: the phone call received at 8 in the morning, a voice telling her that 'the body was confirmed dead at around the crack of dawn a few days prior,' then everything else became a blur until reddy found her during the usual 5:30 time in the early evening. she, of course, offered more bite to her barks, as it is usual routine between them, but each time, reddy still remained patient; unmoving, anchored, as stationary as the tall, sturdy lighthouses at the sea onii-chan sometimes shows her from the books he'd read on oceanography for fun. it annoyed her. annoyed her so much.

edna doesn't quite know how to describe their relationship. they aren't like her and meebo from school: meebo has the same long-suffering patience as reddy does while sitting through most of her shenanigans—but meebo is easier to talk with, and she hasn't exactly shown reddy the same non-hostile willingness yet. it was just weird to her, really. she and meebo are classmates, so it makes sense to talk with him. she pesters meebo all the time for homework answers, and pilfers his pens and eraser from his pencil case whenever he isn't looking, and occasionally swipes something random from his bentō during lunch before rubbing it in his face as he complains. reddy, though. she has no affiliation with him. he's just 'that one overstressed old man who likes feeding the alley cat on his way home,' or whatever analogy of an alley cat that exists. edna wouldn't know. all she knows is that reddy offers her things like one would to an alley cat. edna likes cats. she doesn't like reddy.

he should, realistically, have nothing to do with her: he's married and has a son a little younger than her and a busy job, as she had unwillingly learned from all of his unnecessary chitchat, and she has no parents or relatives—or a brother anymore. what does he do? he still somehow comes by at 5:30pm; suggests that she goes with him, implies that she doesn't have to be alone. it makes edna wonder if he's a masochist. he sure seems to act like one. she has seen him weary and tired, like he needs a really good shoulder massage, and thinks he should go to a retirement home already rather than dealing with her. he should leave her alone and go back to his wife and son, who are both waiting for him. he should take his pity and swallow it up like a fruit pit. he should vanish from her life just like how onii-chan vanished.

but no, he does none of that. instead, reddy takes her in; into his house, into his life, into his family's life. this room they're in right now, her new bedroom, is something that belongs to them. she should, realistically, not be here. she is not one of them, after all. it was always just her and onii-chan. there is no 'reddy' in the equation. ( there is no 'kratos' in this equation. same with 'anna' and 'lloyd,' and even 'noishe.' ) even though she very reluctantly accepted his offer to be here, she still shouldn't belong here. she needs a roof over her head, and food, and a nice pillow—but this place is not home. how can it be home when it doesn't feel like home despite reddy and anna having helped move her belongings in already? she reasons to herself that she can at least accept the hospitality because she feels guilty to impose on reddy's wife when edna's never even met her before until a few hours ago.

anna was... very kind to her when edna arrived. she doesn't tell reddy anything, that she actually likes anna for the warm welcome, but it still feels very odd. after all, edna has no idea who her mother was, and was raised with only onii-chan by her side. there was never an adult female in her life, excluding teachers, and now anna is suddenly here. surreal. anna is why edna chose to suck it up and bear with being in this new environment, if only to not disrespect the hospitality. ( and there's also reddy, who has been dealing with her even longer. he still annoys her, but he has never once tried to hurt her either. a sort of stalemate. )

when most of her things had been properly moved in and arranged, that had been when reddy and anna decided to leave her alone. that made sense to her, because it's late and people should be sleeping at this time anyway—but sometimes when you're in a brand new bedroom, lying in a brand new bed, having learned within the same day that your older brother died in the military, edna thinks there is nothing else one can do but cry, so she cries. she's wrapped in the brand new blanket and is crying. she's a quiet crier: she's always proud of that, still is—but tonight, she sniffles a little because there is a gap in her heart now, and it's a big, enormous, irreplaceable gap that's in the unmistakable shape of onii-chan.

and that's when reddy came back in the room. doesn't he know that you should leave a girl alone when she's crying? ugh, really, it irks her so much: how he tells her these things so easily, how he talks like he knows what she's going through, how he talks like he wants to understand her. he talks about his mother, the things he loves about her. edna tries to do the same; tries to think of onii-chan greeting her each morning with a smile as he pats her head, how he lets her have the bigger half of whatever he's eating, how he lets her have the tv remote when she wants to watch her cartoons even though he's still watching something else, how he labels the salt and sugar containers specifically for her—all the trivial, little things that meant something to her. it makes her eyes feel hot, and she is frustrated at herself for letting reddy see her like this. how did he even know she was crying anyway? stalker, she halfheartedly accuses, just to feel even a smidgen better. ( it actually works. )

but the most frustrating part to her is that she actually considers his words. she is angry. angry, angry, angryangryangry— angry at him for knowing what to say. onii-chan may be gone now, but life still continues on. ❛  all right, i get it already. i'm not going to mourn forever,  ❜ she grumbles, hoarsely. eloquence is not possible for edna when she's emotional. she also does not shake off his hand either. that makes him rather special, she supposes, because she doesn't even let meebo touch her. or anyone, really, other than onii-chan. but reddy is not onii-chan, and she's pretty sure he's too old for that role anyway, but she'd rather eat a pair of eyeballs than to call him anything synonymous to 'otou-san,' or 'dad,' or even 'father,' and definitely not 'papa.' it makes her grimace disgustedly as she rubs at her eyes again. ❛  i'll be better by morning.  ❜ she'll get up at dawn, lock herself in the bathroom to clean her face, and—

she pauses and squints. ❛  this—  ❜ she warns darkly, gesturing a finger vaguely between them, and knows that her threat isn't exactly convincing with her red eyes and wet cheeks and disheveled hair, ❛  —is only a one-time thing. got it, reddy? you do not tell anyone.  ❜ he'll probably tell anna, though. oh well. she grumpily wriggles and turns until she lies on her other side, her back facing him to hide her face, then curls into the blanket. she demands, ❛  and close the door when you leave,  ❜ as she rests her eyes. she doesn't turn around to look at him again. edna only planned to cry now, then clean up her face before breakfast, her first official breakfast here. it's impolite and uncouth to eat breakfast while looking like a raccoon's nest, so she needs sleep, and sleep she does.

it's enough, she thinks, drowsily, before everything turns black and flashbacks of onii-chan appear. they transition one by one, like old, grainy sepia films—then reddy's face suddenly pops up, and instead of sepia, it's full of color as he extends his hand to her, all welcoming and inviting. it's only a dream, she knows, so that's why she accepts it. it's a secret she'll take to the grave, she decides as she follows him, then he nudges her inside a house, one that is bigger than her apartment and full of homeyness and life. she enters, he closes the door, then everything is black again as she continues dreaming and dreaming of a new beginning: maybe she is throwing one of her normin dolls at reddy for another wisecrack comment, maybe she is helping anna rinse and chop vegetables for dinner, maybe she is helping sneak a cookie for small lloyd, maybe she is putting on a cat-eared hairband on noishe while he naps.

this brand new, unknown home? it's... enough.

reddy is... okay, for now.

( also: she never kicked him out. she really hopes she won't regret that in the morning. )