#andrew is an angsty lil boi

[coffee-system-uwu]

Andrew having no regrets is bullshit. You think he didn't regret ever being born the second he said he'd blow Neil? You think this man didn't have to suck it up and keep acting cool so Neil wouldn't realize how much control Andrew doesn't have? You think saying that shit and not giving a fuck about the answer is realistic? This guy was already a little in love with Neil. There's no way he didn't have a little bit of a stomach drop moment at the idea of rejection.

He probably said those words and shriveled up and died a little on the inside. He gave Neil a sexuality crisis. Luckily Neil is open minded.

But if Neil rejected him. If he said no, or never brought it up again, I wonder if Andrew would acknowledge regretting it? At least to himself. Or would he bury the feelings, and smother that little spark until he was as indifferent to Neil as he is to the rest of the foxes?

[itscloudsocks]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💜

I´m very guilty of going back and re-reading my own fics whenever I don´t know what to do with myself so let´s see what I can find!

A troubled mind - because I love hurt/comfort and I love my boy Kevin

Comfort Crowd - again, Kevin

You didn´t come back - Angsty Andreeeeeew

Fine - Neil being Neil is my favourite trope

Feverish Minds - who doesn´t love Andrew being sick and a lil vulnerable?

[writings-of-a-hufflepuff]

Middle Back Pain

Fandom: The Amazing Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield TASM)

Pairing: TASM! Peter Parker x Reader

Writer: @writings-of-a-hufflepuff​​ aka @hufflepuffing-all-day-long​

Rating: M - No sex, but adult themes are discussed and mentioned in brief. This isn’t smut. It’s soft hurt/comfort.

Warnings: Lil’ bit angsty because Peter has trauma (tm), mentions of sex, mentions the possibility of children but never specificed whether biological or adopted so nice and open there, Peter is getting an achy back, 

Summary: Peter always looks after you when you’re not feeling your best, but he’s not so great at accepting it in return. His middle back pain has become more frequent and your worried, you take the issue into your own two hands. 

Notes: Um, I love my boy. Thanks and goodnight. 

“Ah, Jesus…” 

“Pete?” You come out of the bedroom at the sound of his groaning, he’s leaning against the back of the couch with one hand, still in his Spidey suit except for the mask, which is on the couch. His other hand is pressed back against the middle of his back, as he bends and stretches in an attempt to work out a crick that keeps coming back. His notorious middle back pain. He’s only in his twenties, but his back pain has been getting worse and more persistent. Until this point you’ve let him get on with it, helping him stretch and massaging his back when you can. But, you know he probably needs to see a professional about it. “Hey, baby…I’m okay, really.” He waves you off, head tilted back as he gasps at the twinge in his back. You close the gap between you, taking his face in your hands and brushing your fingers across his cheeks in an effort to soothe his discomfort. He leans into you like you’re a fresh breeze on a boiling hot summer day. It worries you, a lot, how much Peter hurts sometimes. In these normal ways particularly. A cut you can see, it’ll heal and it’ll be gone, but the persistence of his back ache has you worried because you have no idea if it's more serious than just an ache.  

“Is it your back again?”

“Yeah, I must have over done the whole swinging thing today…Ah..” Your hands glide down from his face over his shoulders to press over his own on his back, pushing his own hands out of the way, you feel for the tension in the middle of his back. Tight like stone rather than muscle, so hard you almost feel the pain yourself. 

“Peter, sweetheart…” You start to rub little circles into the muscle, watch as the smallest bit of relief fills Peter’s face, his brows softening, his face slacking. But, you know it’d be better if you got him to lie down on your bed and had a proper go at tackling it. He needs a wash too, he’s clearly been thrown about tonight, face covered in dirt and suit covered in it too. He looks like he’s been up a chimney. 

“Oh nooo, you never call me that unless i’m not gonna like it…” Your hands still as he looks down at you. You have that look on your face, the one Peter knows means that you’re about to tell him to do something that he might not want to do. Always because you care about him, always because you worry. 

“Have you considered that maybe, just putting the idea out there, maybe your bad back isn’t from the swinging…but from all the falling and crashing into cars and buildings that you do?”

“What? I don’t…baby, I don’t fall and crash into things that much I mean…” Okay, so maybe he fell through a couple of buildings today and last week…and the week before that and before that…but, his back is a temporary issue, Peter’s sure of it. It’s not serious, he’s still fit enough to carry you in his arms, toss you over his shoulder, and make love to you like the youthful twenty-six year old that he is. He’s not incapable, he’s fine. He’s fine and he’s not getting old. 

You can see him getting his back up, all defensive, as he pulls away from your hands. He’s never liked admitting he needs help or that there’s a problem, always needing to be capable, in fear of people leaving, abandoning him. You’re not going to run away because his back hurts, but you know deep down he’s scared you might, he’s scared you might not need him or want him anymore. He’s scared that when he starts needing your help, you’ll leave because it’s too much effort. It’s silly because you never would. You love him and his rickety back. You love looking after him and making him feel loved. But you also know that he still needs to learn that, to move past the trauma of being abandoned at his Aunt and Uncle’s house. The trauma of being the kid no one really liked much in school. The trauma of two of the people he loved most dying and leaving him alone. You see a lot of your own fears in Peter, it’s why you never run away from it, because you understand that something as small as admitting his back is a problem might seem like a bigger issue entirely. He’s always the capable one, always the one everyone needs to solve his problems, if he can’t do that? You know he wonders if people will stick around. 

“Last week you crashed through the grocery store, then fell on a taxi and got thrown through a bus…a bus, Peter….Just, you’re not getting younger and…” You reach for him as he pulls away, knowing he wants you to follow. He wants you to persist, to prove to him you’re not fed up with him. So you grab his hands and interlock your fingers together, holding him close and squeeze his hands a couple of times. 

Peter lets you draw near, stepping into his space. “Baby, are you calling me old?! Do you…are you going to find yourself a younger man, is that it?” It’s said as a joke on his end, but…it’s not really. You’re not that far apart in age, but he feels older and he feels like he’s not as good at loving you anymore. Maybe he’s too much like hard work now…the truth is he's not sure what he would do if you didn’t love him anymore. He loves you so much, so deeply that he can’t imagine a life without you next to him. When he thinks of the future, he sees you and him with rings on your left hands, maybe there’s a couple of kids involved or…or maybe you just get a pet. But, you’re always part of that plan, no one else. The thought of you leaving…it hurts. 

For you, he’s never going to be too much like hard work to love. Loving him feels easy, is easy, even when things get rocky or bumpy. There’s never been a moment when you’ve felt that feeling slip, where it’s disappeared, not even for a second. 

“Peter, I love my older man,” You say as if he’s ten years your senior and not just a year older. As if he’s in his forties and not his twenties. “But, I'm serious. Maybe you should see an actual chiropractor, just so it doesn't get worse. I will love you till the end, but I want you to look after yourself. I’m good, but I’m not a licensed chiropractor, baby.” You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him in for a tight embrace, one you know he needs. 

You’re so warm, so soft, so you. You smell like your favourite perfume and that hair mask you put on when you’re treating yourself. You mold your body against his, so tight there’s barely any gaps between you and he doesn’t mind even when his back twinges a little at the embrace. He’s just happy to hear those words. That you love him, that you’re not stopping. That this is just you making sure he’s okay, not anything else. He loves you, God, Peter loves you. He never thought he’d love again after Gwen and he hopes he never has to love another person again. Just you.  

“Yeah, honey, sure, how am I gonna explain why my back hurts? Oh, yeah, so I'm Spider-Man…and a giant gorilla threw me through a building last week and my back hasn’t been the same since?” Despite the sarcasm, he’s smiling at you, hands slipping into the back pockets of your jeans as he pulls you closer. He can be the most difficult man on earth. 

You roll your eyes at him, always so defiant whenever you suggest professional attention, all in the name of his secret as if lying isn’t an option. It’s not like he told you the truth about all those bruises when you first became friends. You’re beginning to suspect your boyfriend just really doesn’t like seeing doctors or medical professionals. “American football? Rugby? Gymnastics? Maybe you’re an acrobat at a circus? You can’t keep avoiding help, Peter!” You supply some pretty plausible excuses, if you do say so yourself.

“Baby, sweetheart, love of my life, pain in my ass.” he pinches your ass as he says it and you poke him in the stomach and Peter pulls back just a little with a laugh and then a gasp of pain, before his smile drops into something softer as he presses his forehead to yours. “I’m fine. Really. Your back rubs always help and it’s not like you don’t get back ache too. We’re both getting old, two cute old people, together with our achy bones and our little zimmer frames. ”

You try to resist the smile that brings out of you, but it’s impossible. He’s so cute that despite your attempts at stopping it all that happens is your smile comes out scrunched up. “Stop being cute, Pete.” You look away for a moment, composing yourself, before returning to the seriousness at hand. He hates that he can never get you off topic, you’re like a dog with a bone sometimes. Distraction doesn’t work. You’re too smart for that. Your attempt at not smiling is cute though. You’re cute all the time, he thinks. “I just worry…I’m not the one falling on top of cars from a great height.”

“I know you worry. I love you for that, but it’s okay…I’m okay, baby.” He pulls you closer, hands still in your back pockets like you’re in high school and kisses you. It’s sweet and familiar, the way his lips press against your own and his tongue traces your bottom lip lazily. He’s so familiar at this point you’d be able to pick his kiss out from a line up, the way he tastes, the way he always pushes as close to you as he can get, the press of his nose into your cheek, dimpling your skin. Even the way his hands move to grip your hips, firm and secure. You couldn’t mistake Peter Parker’s kiss for anyone else's.

He loves kissing you. You’re a sweet kisser even in the throes of passion, you kiss him like you love him (which you do). You’re gentle with him and constantly drawing him closer, like he’ll never be close enough. He kisses you because loves to, but…there’s a part of him that hopes it’ll distract you from your worry about him. That you’ll let it go. He knows that’s a fool’s errand though. You’ve never let anything go in your entire life, especially not when it comes to caring about him and how he’s doing. Even when he thinks you’ve let it go, you’ve just put it aside for a moment to bring up again later. You’re stubborn like that, it can be a pain, but…he loves it about you too.   

You pull back first and he follows your lips pushing forward and you push him back by the shoulders. He blinks at you with a pout, hands tightening on your hips to drag you back towards him, your next words stop his attempt at kissing you again. A great distraction you know he’s trying to employ. You know all his tricks by now, whether he realises that or not. 

“You hurt anywhere else?” You take the time to look him over, noticing a couple of scratches and a few holes in his suit, easy patches, but the skin underneath is scabbed over and angry. You can’t see anything major, but with Peter it’s hard to tell sometimes. 

“No, not really. Couple of bruises, a couple of scratches, nothing major. I’m fine, I promise, baby.” He can see you cataloguing his body, what might be wrong with him, you have it down to a fine art, often knowing the answer before you ask the question. He knows better than to lie to you or hide anything major, if he did…he knows you’d be angry, he knows it wouldn’t end well, and Peter values your relationship too much to risk it because he’s worried you’ll know about some broken bones or cuts.

You pull back from him, grabbing his hands as you go to remove them from your hips. Peter groans at you, “Babe?” You just smile and lock your fingers together, tugging him towards the bathroom as you go. 

“C’mon, we’re getting you a bath and one of my world famous massages.” He stumbles after you, only now realising just how tired he actually is after a whole day of work and an evening of patrolling the city. His feet ache as you pull him after you. 

“You’re treating me to the whole works tonight, huh? Is it a special occasion? Did I do something?” You sit him on the lid of the toilet when you make it to the bathroom, running your hands through his messy brown strands, trying to tame them for a moment. His deep big brown eyes seem to glitter when he looks up at you like that, a warm flush to his cheeks as he leans into your touch like a cat seeking warm sunlight on a windowsill. 

“Only being your handsome-” you cut yourself off to lean down and press a kiss to the tip of his nose, “funny-” the apple of his cheek, “wonderful-” that spot between his brows that he furrows so much “sweet self.” He’s bright red in the face, even the tips of his ears are warm and you giggle at it, adorable as he can be before pulling yourself away to run him a bath. 

He’s not as fussy as you when it comes to his baths, but you know he needs a nice warm one right now, to help get him clean and limber him up a bit before you have a go at unknotting some of that tension in his back. It’s not an uncommon ritual, but Peter tends to shy away from you caring for him, especially if he could be caring for you instead. He often prefers to give than take, it’s a similar situation in the bedroom too. Always the giver and rarely a willing receiver. 

He watches you as you run the bath for him, sitting on the edge of the tub, running your hand through the water to make sure it’s not too cold or too hot. He can imagine you doing it for your future kids, a small child sitting where he is, waiting for bath time as you check if it's safe for them to go in. He can see you bringing out rubber ducks and bath toys, making up silly scenes for them, can see and almost feel the tender way you’d smooth the top of their hair and press a kiss to it. God, he wants that with you. A family. He wants it so badly he can feel his chest ache with a yearning inside him. 

“What’ya thinking about, Tiger?” 

“Mmm?” Peter shakes his head and refocuses on you, you’re watching him with soft eyes, but scanning his head now as if looking for a bruise or a bump. You push his hair back from his forehead and use it as a pretence, he can feel you searching his head for a bump or cut, any indication that his spacing out isn’t just him being Peter.

“You, you’re thinking hard over here…or are you just concussed?” He shakes his head, no he’s fine. Not a single knock to the noggin’. You seem content when you don’t find any indication of a bump. “What were you thinking about, baby?” 

“Just you…”

“Just me?” You feel warmth run through you, a little smiling tugging at the corners of your mouth as Peter watches you. There’s a little guarded look behind his eyes as he continues, like he’s worried he’s going to say the wrong thing. 

“And maybe…” You reach for his hand and squeeze, just enough to remind him who he’s talking to. You’ve seen him covered in blood, barely standing. Nothing he could say would make you run away. “You can tell me, Pete, have I run off yet?”  He shakes his head no. No. You’ve been here the whole time, staunchly loyal and so very, very wonderful to him. Even with nightmares and traumas and worries. Even with villains and robbers. “I just…I was thinking about h-how I'd..I'd like to have a family with you one day.”

He gets twitchy when you don’t respond immediately. You’ve pulled back a bit, a look of surprise on your face, those eyebrows of yours so high up he’s worried he’s given you a heart attack. His shoulders drop in relief when that look turns into a soft grin, your teeth showing from between your lips, eyes glittering. 

“Really? You want kids? With me?” You’ve thought about it. Yeah, of course you’ve thought about it, but Peter…you’d always thought he’d be reluctant, worried about the safety of a family and his double life. You’d let the hope sit in the back of your mind and tried not to dwell on it too much. 

“Yeah, if…if you want that…someday…” 

“If you play your cards right, Parker, yeah, I'd like that.” You’re both grinning at each other like idiots, even as you turn the taps off to the bath and pull him to his feet.

Peter struggles out of the suit today, more so than usual. His back twinging and screaming at him as he tries to shuck it off. Your hands help pull the top half over his shoulders and head, even as every muscle yells at him to stop moving. He struggles to bend, so you help him roll the bottoms off along with the shoes. You’re careful with him, taking your time. When he’s finally free of the suit it’s a relief and you urge him into the tub as you remove your own clothes.

He scoots forward, a hard feat with his long legs, as you step in behind him, wrapping your hips around his from behind. 

“You can lean back, baby. Let me take care of you, okay?”

He doesn’t really have much energy to argue as you pull him back against your chest gently. Your hands brushing back his hair and roaming over his shoulders. He can’t help but sigh loudly, the water is warm and it soothes some of that ache in his back. Your hands are gentle as you grab the bar of soap off the side and run it over his skin. 

Peter loves taking care of you, but sometimes, he has to admit that it’s nice to be taken care of too. 

You’re gentle with each cut and bruise as you run soapy hands over his body. Dirt and dry blood washed away into the water, like worries drifting away from his mind. You take extra care with his hair, pushing his legs forward and leaning him back gently, mindful of his backache as you cup water to pour over his hair. You take your time lathering and massaging the shampoo into his locks, and it’s impossible for him to keep his eyes open as your nails drag across his scalp and down to the base of skull, working at a couple of knots there. 

You don’t need to spend ten minutes washing his hair, carding your fingers through brown strands and massaging against his scalp, you both know that, but you do it anyway because you know he loves it. Peter melts whenever you touch his hair, it’s the same for you too, something so intimate and tender about it all. He doesn’t always let you take care of him, so you make the most of the opportunity while you can. 

He feels practically boneless by the time he’s fully clean and the water has run cold, other than that awful sharp tension in his back that hasn’t gone away, only dulled slightly by the warmth of the water. 

Peter doesn’t want to move, to get out of the water, but you force him out anyway and dry him off with a towel. He’d normally insist he can dry himself, but he feels heavy and you smile softly at him when he lets you do this sort of thing. 

He follows you to your shared bed, hand being tugged by yours , urging him forward despite his heavy steps until you encourage him to lie down on the bed on his front. He falls more than anything. Letting gravity force him face first onto the bed, before you urge him to scoot up higher so his legs don’t dangle off the end. Ridiculously long as they are. 

He hears the click of your knuckles as you crack your fingers, feels the weight of you as you straddle his hips and sit down gently on his thighs. It’s vulnerable like this, his body bare, his face hidden in your pillow that smells like your shampoo, his back turned to you. His trust in you is implicit, he doesn’t doubt you have his best interests at heart, that you love him or that he’s safe with you. 

You take a moment to admire his back. The strong muscles carved from every swing through the city, every punch thrown. He has beauty marks and freckles dotted over his skin like constellations of stars and you reach out a finger tip and trace a few, smirking at the shiver that runs through his back at the light touch. 

“Someone’s sensitive,” You tease him, as you lean forward breathing warm air across the back of his neck, before placing a delicate kiss at the base of his skull.

His voice is muffled in the pillow, “Not funny, m’too tired for that, baby.” 

“I know, tiger…I know.” You have no intention of having sex with Peter tonight. He’s far too tired and you’re far too concerned about his back to suggest any rigorous activity. No matter how handsome he is. 

Every touch from that moment on is innocent and meaningful. There are no more teases or light strokes as you make your way down his back, searching for every tight spot and point of pain in need of your attention. 

His shoulders are tense, rock solid underneath your hands and you're careful not to hurt him, but apply a bit more pressure there than his upper back. Peter groans and preens under your hands, sounds of relief more than anything else and you feel pride when you feel his body relax underneath you bit by bit, muscles unwinding and unfurling. 

His mid and lower back are a mess of tight knots of muscle and tension, worse than you’ve ever felt it before. It worries you, but you know you just need to persist with bugging him about it, know that all you can do for now is put your less skilled hands to the task of easing his discomfort. Until he accepts defeat and visits a professional. 

He’s always loved you, but it’s moments like this where his heart feels so full of affection for you and how you take care of him, moments like this where the thought of marrying you is so strong and overwhelming that he has to bite his tongue, lest he ask the question without the fanfare you deserve. 

“Fuck, you have magic hands, baby.” He feels more relaxed than he’s ever been. The ache in his back subdued by your hands, he doesn’t ever want to move. 

“I know, you say that everytime, webhead.” You’re careful as you make your way off of him and pull the covers back from underneath him, with very little help from Peter himself. He’s rather boneless, only having enough energy to roll onto his back and kick his feet under the covers. 

You’re quick to join him, curling up to his side and resting your head in the crook of his neck. He smells like soap and shampoo, clean, fresh. His skin is warm beneath your cheek, his arm is heavy and comforting as it wraps around your waist and pulls you tighter into him, your legs twisting and locking together. The weight of you against him, the feel of your lips pressing a kiss to his skin, is a massive comfort. 

“Thank you for taking care of me.” He mumbles it into the top of your head, a kiss pressed against your hair in those last moments before the two of you fall asleep. 

“I’ll always take care of you, Pete. That’s my job.” It’s a promise, he knows it, but as always it’s heavy and too meaningful for him not to make a joke about. Even as he wants to find some meaningful words to say in return.  

“I thought you were a teacher?”

“Shut up and go to sleep…” You roll your eyes at him and gently bite the skin of his shoulder, small and playful, a nip more than anything and he chuckles at you in the dark. 

“Night, baby. Love you.”

“Love you too, old man.” You squeal out one last noise in the dark of your room as Peter pinches the bare skin on your side, letting the silence envelope you in the same way the darkness does. 

Maybe he’s getting a little achy, maybe he needs a little more tender love and care, but you love Peter Parker and you’re happy to return the favour.

[moonlightcrusader]

Behind the scenes: 17, 18, and 21 please ❤

Heck yeah!! ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you for requesting!!

***

17. What fic are you most proud of? : Ooh I would probably say You Deserve Love, Peter Parker! Man writing that fic after watching NWH was amazing cause all the angsty feelings were fresh and I was like I HAVE TO WRITE A HAPPY ENDINGS FOR MY BOYS😭 and not only that ,I was able to write that fic in such a short amount of time and I really love how the fic came out! I felt like that was my best portrayal at writing the Peters as siblings❤️💕

18: What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene : Hmm, I think it would be for my fic “You aren’t Alone” when Peter is upset at the world for all this Parker luck and Peter 2 and 3 explain that the cards would have been dealt to him anyways just because he’s Spider-Man, but he isn’t alone in that recovering journey. (I wrote this before NWH came out in theaters but I knew Andrew and tobey would be in it but I was kinda lost on how would their chemistry be) so I just wrote it as I wanted to see it, Tobey Peter providing true wisdom and Andrew Peter letting Peter know that they will help him with a lil bit of faith because Spider-Man takes risks! 💕 I’m glad I was kinda able to predict their big brother chemistry 4 months early 😂👏

21: What is the one fic that got away?

I would say the 100 drafts I have on wattpad (that’s where I write and then transfer) and the fic where Tony agrees to take care of teenage Peter 2 & 3 until Dr. Strange fixes the portals (the fic is called “And Now There are Three.” Like, that fic got so much support now I’m a bit overwhelmed on how the 2nd chapter will be? It’s actually typed out but I still have to edit it and kind of remember how the story would go, but I don’t have the heart to abandon it! 😭😭 one of the very few early spider bro fics 😎❤️

[noahveilleux]

[ MILES HEIZER, 20, MALE, HE/HIM ] welcome to the du pont institute for the young & gifted, [ NOAH VEILLEUX  ]. you have been accepted as a [ REGULAR  ] student from [ FRANCE ], going into your [ SOPHOMORE ] and majoring in [ ARCHITECTURAL DESIGN ]. your peers at the institute say that you are [ +LOYAL & +CLEVER ], but being [ -DEPENDENT & -RESENTFUL ] may be the reason why the police are asking about you. did you think they wouldn’t find out that you were michael’s [ VICTIM ]? [ AMA, 25, SHE/HER, EST ]

LEGAL NAME: noah andrew veilleux. ALIAS(S)/NICKNAMES: noahbear (his grams used to call him that) DATE OF BIRTH: august 8, 1999. ZODIAC: leo. PLACE OF BIRTH: paris, france. ETHNICITY: white. GENDER: cis male (he/him). BLOOD TYPE: b negative. ORIENTATION: homosexual. FLUENCY: french, english - fluent. EDUCATION: high school graduate, some college. OCCUPATION: student/diner employee.

noah veilleux’s family comes from a very old money family. both sides of his family grew up heavily staunch in riches. his mom’s family runs a fashion company in france, while his father comes from a long line of lawyers and politicians.

youngest veilleux, practically raised by his big bro because who needs actual parental love when you have money???

he and his siblings would often switch between parents, but they mainly spent their education in america, meaning he didn’t get to see his mom often.

with a distant father, noah relied on his brother to be the father figure. being the youngest. noah was personally close to his grandmother, so when she passed away it hit him hard. he went to group therapy to deal with it rather than resorting to substance abuse like his big brother. it was the one time he felt incredibly disappointed in his big bro and this what caused him to try and become his own person and figure out who he is outside his family. not rely on his brother too much.

then the bullying started. noah didn’t know why he got targeted so much, maybe it was because he small since he wasn’t very athletic and he was gay but he thought in this time period. being gay should not be that much of big deal.

noah thought the bullying would stop once he started college, but michael had seemed fixated on the boy. any chance he had to pick on noah he took, in the rare times it got physical he would hide out from his brother not wanting him to see him hurt. his sister really became his confidant here.

he works at the diner near the school, not because he is starving for money but because he wants to be able to not ask her parents for anything, he resents them for not being there for him and his siblings.

extracurriculars?

swim team

comic book club

film society

photography and yearbook

connections:

best friend - cade

roommate?

support group?

friends?

study partners?

[mooifyourecows]

Do you have like a song list for Open Tab? Like it’s own kind of post thing? I never would look up the songs while I was reading at first but towards like chapter 45 maybe I finally looked one up and since then the songs I did listen to ended up being my new favorites. I use tumblr on mobile so I couldn’t really go through your whole page to look first (my internet is so slow ☹️), but if you have one could you link it?

Hey there! I actually don’t have a song list for Open Tab yet, so.... here I’ll make one.

(Sorry for the late reply, I just haven’t had the time to sit down and do this.)

I’ll list and link all of the songs in order of appearance that have either been sung in the chapters, or that have been suggestions that I’ve included in the notes (Those are mostly all the angsty sad songs that I listened to while writing the emotional scenes boo hoo). It’s gonna be a long list so it’ll begin under the cut!

(Hope I don’t accidentally skip any!)

(Also, since the story isn’t over, I’m sure there will be many many more that I’ll need to add to this list.)

Karaoke/In-text songs:

You’re the One That I Want from GreaseNo Mercy for Swine by The Cherry Poppin’ DaddiesNever Gonna Give You Up by Rick AstleyI Don’t Dance from High School Musical 2Dragostea din tei by O-ZoneShakaron by El MudoEmotional Titanic Flute by Matt MulhollandBring Me to Life by Evanescence (cover by Goofy)When I Change Your Mind by The Cherry Poppin’ DaddiesHi De Ho by Blood, Sweat, & TearsCell Block Tango from ChicagoMusic of the Night from Phantom of the OperaAnything You Can Do from Annie Get Your GunDon’t Stop Me Now by QueenPermutations III by Lo-FangBang Bang by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki MinajElephant Love Medley from Moulin RougeToes by Glass AnimalsToxic by Britney SpearsHell No By Sondre Lerche and Regina SpektorWe Ran Out of CD Space by PsychostickEat Randy by Julian SmithWe Fit Together by O-TownBoris by Lo-FangHunger for the Great Light by Dave Matthews BandK.C. Blues by The Don Ellis OrchestraJessica by The Allman Brothers BandGlow by Alien Ant FarmSongbird by Fleetwood MacFever by Adam LambertSparks by ColdplayAnother One Bites the Dust by QueenShooting Stars by Bag RaidersS.O.B. by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night SweatsSecret by Maroon 5I Want to Break Free by QueenOne Year of Love by QueenI’m in Love with My Car by QueenSeven Seas of Rhye by QueenFat Bottomed Girls by QueenGet Down Make Love by QueenSomebody to Love by QueenMillionaire Waltz by QueenCrazy Little Thing Called Love by QueenYou’re My Best Friend by QueenLemme Freak by Lil DickyC’mon Let Me Ride by Skylar GreyZoot Suit Riot by Cherry Poppin’ DaddiesEverybody Loves Me by OneRepublicDo I Wanna Know? by Arctic MonkeysGood Old-Fashioned Loverboy by QueenI’m Not Gay by J PeeStephen by KeshaBetter Man by James MorrisonWork by RihannaBack Pocket by VulfpeckIt’s Late by QueenThe Most Beautiful Girl in the Room by Flight of the ConchordsSorry Seems to be the Hardest Word by Elton JohnBourbon Street by Jeff Tuohy

Suggested songs:

Sorry by AquiloYou Won’t Know Where You Stand by AquiloChameleon Boy by Blue OctoberSweet by Dave Matthews BandLight by Sleeping at LastStay With Me by Sam SmithWeight by Lee DeWyzeLittle Things by Lotte KestnerNot Today by Imagine DragonsStatic Waves by Andrew BelleWine and Roses by Jeremy KayStay by Lewis WatsonWithout the Lights by Elliot MossNever Gonna Leave this Bed by Maroon 5Resolution by Matt CorbyNot Out by Greg LaswellOblivion by BastilleHappiness by The FraySmile by Mikky EkkoSympathy by Goo Goo DollsNot Broken Anymore by Blue OctoberI Don’t Want to Love Somebody Else by A Great Big WorldIt Will Come Back by HozierI’m No Superman by Lazlo BaneMS by Alt jJust Like a Star by Corinne Bailey RaeEverything is Alright by Motion City SoundtrackYou and Me by Dave Matthews BandBetter by Tom Baxter18th Floor Balcony by Blue OctoberJust a Boy by Angus and Julia StoneKick Drum Heart by The Avett BrothersCuddle Fuddle by Passion PitStuck in the Middle With You by Stealers WheelFor You I Will by Teddy Geiger3WW by Alt jReal Love by Regina SpektorCocoon by Jack JohnsonMorrison by FrenshipBruises by ChairliftUnwell by Matchbox TwentyA-OK by Motion City SoundtrackMomentum by The Hush SoundI’ve Told You Now by Sam SmithYou’re the One that I Want by Alex & SierraOceans by SeafretMess is Mine by Vance JoyLittle Motel by Modest MouseYou Are by Punch BrothersAll I Really Want by Alanis MorissetteDropped by Phantom PlanetLove is a Bitch by Two FeetOops X Wus Good by Louis MattrsYou Again by Garrickson & Qole

[marmelade-sky]

andreil + sleeping on the couch together and matt kinda scares andrew awake and andrew has a tiny panic and shoves neil off the couch and neil smacks his head against something and scrapes his cheekbone and andreil ends up sitting in the bathroom with neil sitting down and andrew making sure his boy didnt break his nose or have another fucking concussion

Hey! Thanks for the prompt

Keep the prompts coming, folks! I have exams and need a distraction. (Everyone’s been giving me prompts in which Neil gets hurt? :D poor boy)

———————————————————————-

They’ve cuddled in on the couch, Neil in front of Andrew, which is a rare occurrence as it is, but it’s even rarer at the dorms. But Andrew has been sniffling and sneezing lately, and Neil’s legs feel like lead from night practice and so they dozed off while watching tv. None of them is really deeply asleep, both of them in a state somewhere between sleep and rest, but it’s more than enough to startle the shit out of them when suddenly the door slams shut. 

Andrew sits up, body stiffened immediately, curtesy of too many times when a noise like this meant very bad things were coming, and whips his head around, only to see Matt, one hand still on the doorknob, wincing guiltily. “Fuck, sorry, guys. The wind caught the door.” Then he peeks around Andrew, “Um, is Neil-”

Andrew scowls at him, and growls “Leave.”, Matt just lifts his hands apologetically and hurries off. When Andrew turns back around, he is momentarily confused for a split-second- where is Neil? But then he hears a groan and realized he must have pushed Neil off the couch when he jerked awake. Neil is already sitting up and rubbing his face. 

“…ouch.”, the striker mumbles sleepily and looks up at Andrew with bleary eyes. Andrew is about to lean down and pull Neil back up, but then, Neil pulls his hand back, and there’s blood on his palm and on a cut on his cheekbone. 

Andrew’s world constricts for a moment, and then a sticky, disgusting feeling spreads through his body. Neil is hurt. Neil is bleeding. He pushed Neil off the couch and now Neil is bleeding. Fuck. 

Neil looks at his hand in awe, still sleepy, and then wipes it off on his jeans. It’s so little that it barely leaves a stain. But Andrew’s gaze is focused on the cut in his cheekbone. 

“Andrew, I’m f-”

“Don’t.” Andrew’s voice is sharp and then he’s up and dragging Neil into the bathroom while his stomach is churning. Neil keeps insisting that he’s okay, and the cut isn’t even deep and he’s barely bleeding and he’s had so much worse.

But Andrew feels like his hands are going to clench so hard that he’s going to break his own fingers if he can’t make sure Neil is really, truly okay right now. He swore to protect him and now he hurt him. Neil, especially Neil’s face, has been through enough already. 

Neil keeps protesting, but Andrew makes him sit down on the edge of the tub, and then searches the bathroom cabinet for desinfectant and a band-aid, throwing everything else out into the sink carelessly. Neil has stopped protesting, and watches him quietly now. 

When Andrew’s found what he’s been looking for, he steps in between Neil’s legs, and takes his face in his palms, turning Neil’s head, looking at his pupils, his nose, his lips and teeth. Nothing else seems hurt, and that makes the sticky feeling in his chest the tiniest bit better. 

Quietly, he wipes the cut clean, and puts a band-aid on it. Then he steps back and takes his hands off Neil as if Neil burnt him. 

Neil looks at him and Andrew wants to punch him or pull his own hair out because the way Neil’s blue eyes focus on him and his lower lip stands out a little makes his heart go faster and it sucks and Andrew just hates him so much. 

“Andrew…” How can someone’s voice be so soft? Fuck Josten and his soft voice. Andrew turns around and goes to the door. Neil lets him. 

—

And hour and half a pack of cigarettes later, Neil finds him on the roof. He doesn’t say anything, he just sits down next to him and steals his cigarette. 

He finishes it while Andrew stares off in the distance. After Neil has stubbbed the cigarette out, he slowly turns to look at Andrew. 

“Andrew, I’m okay. Things like this happen. You didn’t-”

“Stop talking.”, Andrew says without looking at Neil. Neil obliges, but he doesn’t take his eyes off Andrew. 

After two minutes or five or ten, Neil opens his mouth again.

“…you could kiss it better, if you wanted to.” His voice is a low purr, and Andrew just hates how easily it makes the sticky feeling turn differently sticky, hot like molasses, from his neck to the bottom of his spine and his lower abdomen.

Andrew slowly turns his head and leans in just a little. The eagerness with which Neil shifts towards him and the way his breath hitches just a little makes the feeling Andrew’s dealing with right now even worse. Or better, maybe. 

“Next time you say something this cheesy, I’ll throw you off the roof.”, he growls, and then closes the gap between their mouths.  

[jasonvtodd]

I want to say do the character game with all of the foxes but that might be a bit excessive 😅😂 so maybe pick your two faves?

send me a character

ok, much as i love them all and hate choosing… its easy 

andrew minyard {all for the game}

favorite thing about them that he would do anything to protect those he considers family (weather its actual blood family like aaron, nicky or someone like renee) plus next to that is how much his words means like. if he says he will protect you at all costs (*coughs* kevin *coughs*) you can be damn sure he means what he says and will not leave your goddamn side until he thinks its safe. how he never gave us any of that stupid teen drama with neil. which i was honestly really surprised with and so happy that there was no bullshit liike. that bar scene… where andrew tells neil just exactly how he feels after saying he hates him 😏😏 you know the one. his relationship with bee and renee and his love for all things sweet. how despite everything that hes gone through… he still allows himself to give himself, and neil what they both didnt think they were worthy of, or would even ever get to have: a happy ending. his entire consent thing with neil as well just… goddd dont even get me started

least favorite thing about them lol honestly? majority of the time… its how this fandom writes him in fic whoops sorry not sorry… but its just so ooc a lot of the time sigh

favorite line ohgOD so many. some favourites though are: “i am not your answer. and you sure as fuck aren’t mine.” which is just. ok so much love for this scene cause im all for people not putting EVERYTHING in one person you know? like putting them up as if theyre gonna save them and make their lives better. but then lol in saying that i also love how contradictory this line is for andrew. especially considering that if it wasnt for him, neil would have ran ages ago. “Your parents are dead. You are not fine, and nothing is going to be ok— But from now until May, you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive.”  godd ok. this scene, yet again, just… so much love for it and its so goddamn important. and lastly, his wasnt said by andrew but “This means Andrew is keeping you. It means you’re part of the family now.” brb crying in the club. and fuck i could honestly just go on and on but ill stop now. 

random headcanon this is more me just being me but id honestly love to see my short angry boy with a sweet tooth meet my other favourite sweet toothed trouble boy, jason todd and bond over sweets and maybe harming people who fuck them over and how far theyd go to protect those they think of as family and im always a slut for those boys ok 

unpopular opinion lmao lmao again. the goddamn fandom writing so many things in fic with him and neil and making them do things that nora… THE GODDAMN AUTHOR explicitly said they would never ever do  :)))) LOVE that :)))))) 

song i associate with them ha hahah cuz im an angsty bitch lets say medicine by daughter :D or where is my mind by the pixies thats also so fun

favorite picture of them this dudes kinda cute and a good Andrew imo

neil josten {all for the game}

favorite thing about them sorta the same as andrew on that level of despite him having every reason to kind of give up on happiness or give up on anything that he wanted… he decided to fight for something he wanted. for someone and something that he wanted. andrew and the foxes and wymack and all of them. his family. his constant narrative on worrying about andrew and what it means for andrew and etcetc is always just… a Good Time to think about. his lil stalker book on kevin always makes me laugh. how he is the catalyst that the foxes needed to bring them all together. his friendship with matt.  

least favorite thing about them same as andrews

favorite line “it’s not the world that’s cruel. it’s the people in it.” just wowoww what a good and  neil throwing back andrews own words at him gutted me  “I won’t be like them.” Neil said “I won’t let you let me be.” ha hahahah im fine im fine im fiNE IM FUCKING FINE OK………..

random headcanon neil and andrew living together and every week somehow a new feline just appears behind neil and andrew has given up asking where or why and just rolls with it. theyre basically a shelter at this point but the cats never stay long, apart from maybe one which andrew has named hemmick cuz it annoys the shit out of him just like nicky 

unpopular opinion again, same as andrews

song i associate with them less neil himself and more andrew and neil buuut… the only exception by paramore cuz godddd if it doesnt fit for each of them about each other on so many levels annnd unsteady by x ambassadors 

favorite picture of them whOOps sadly dont really have one. but i guess this is good

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 16 - I Got Scars, They're Multiplying

In which Neil needs protection, hugs, soft kisses and everything good in the world, and Riko needs to die in a fire pit.

Sounds good? Then it's time for Nicki to read (and finish) The Raven King.

Here we are. Last chapter of The Raven King - and what a wild ride that one was. We saw more plot than ever before, more sass than we could handle, and more gut-wrenching shock than we liked.

Let's finish this off, shall we?

          [Neil] rubbed his eyes with gloved hands and regretted it immediately. The gloves hid his bandages but did nothing for the pain.

So apparently, Neil wakes up in the airport - with no memory of how he got there, but instead with a body that feels like it had a nice time fighting with a lawn mower.

Only that the lawn mower had twice the usual amount of blades, was extra mean, and could also, like, spit fire or something.

Also, Neil lost.

          For a moment, Neil was baffled that [the airport gate announcement] wasn't in French. He'd spent so much time with Jean he'd forgotten any other language existed.

Neil is also weirdly confused at the absence of Jean. Having spent two - three? - weeks metaphorically chained to each other does that to you, probably.

I still don't like Jean, just so clarify that from last chapter. Maybe he grows on you some more next book and then I'll see the light, but so far, I don't know. I see him as a clear victim of the Ravens total fuckery, I have pity for him, and I find him an interesting character because of his dynamic with Kevin, but he is still kind of a douchebag to me.

I'm sorry. I wanna like him. He just hasn't given me much reason to yet.

Neil, (occasionally) smart boy that he is, charges his phone and calls Wymack to get him - but not before having to wade through tons and tons of texts from the Foxes, which already made me a lil emotional.

Everyone, apart from Andrew of course, everyone texted him over the holidays. This is the kind of quality fox family shit I signed up for.

          "I didn't know who else to call," Neil said. He barely recognized his own voice. The last time he'd spoken he'd been screaming; apparently his vocal chords still hadn't recovered.

There's shit like that dropped through this entire scene, shit that hints at just how much actual fucking torture Neil is coming back from right now, and I am decidedly not fucking liking it.

          "Are you all right?"

          Neil smiled. It felt like it tore his face open. "No. No, I'm not. I know it's kind of sudden, but can you come get me?"

Is that........ the first time......... Neil has admitted to not being fine........ ONE FOR THE BOOKS, FOLKS.

I mean, with so much painful shit done to you, you'd have to be a serious shade of fucked up, angsty and alone not to ask for help.

Which is to say, Book 1 Neil would have totally not asked for help.

Another exhaustion blackout later, Neil finds himself on one of his most frequented post-awful time places: Wymack's couch.

And Wymack, although keeping caring watch like a tattooed momma hen, is not here for Neil's bullshit:

          "He sounds like Neil," Wymack said, "but he doesn't look like him. I'll take your explanation from the top and without a side order of bullshit, thanks."

What, did the injuries they gave him at the Batcave of Extra rip him an entirely new face?

          The face waiting for him in the mirror was horrible enough to take his legs out from under him. (...) This was his natural hair colour, and those were his real eyes, and this was his father's face.

APPARENTLY, YES.

An entirely new face that looks exactly like his father. Oh shit. OH SHIT BOI.

At this point it should be pointed out how amazingly well-written this chapter is. Neil's pain-induced confusion and blackout, his anxiety, and most importantly his screaming, hurting body is tangible through the pages and that just gripped me.

I mean, it also gripped me because Neil is my beautiful sassy angsty adoptive son I need to protect at absolutely all costs, now more than ever.

But also because the writing is just damn on point.

Hey - remember how last time there was this tiny annoying voice that kept reminding me of something I'd seen time and time again in fanart and cosplay?

          Wymack went so still Neil thought he'd turned to stone. "Neil, the fuck is on your face?"

Oh no.

          Neil wasn't ready to see his reflection again. He was less ready to see the "4" tattooed on his left cheekbone.

OH NO.

I SAW THAT COMING AND STILL OH SHIT NO.

HELL NO.

          By the time Wymack caught up with him he'd already pulled a knife from the wooden block on Wymack's counter. Wymack seized his wrist before Neil could take the knife to his own face.

Wow.

Wow, shit.

No kidding - to me, this little bit here is probably the most shocking and wtf-moment in this entire chapter.

Like. Not only does Neil want to get rid of that tattoo - which us understandable, we all would in his situation -, but he is instantly rady to take a giant ass kitchen knife and cut it out of his own skin without a second of hesitation?

What the fuck. What the FUCK.

This speaks volumes, volumes of what they did to him at Batcave of Extra, and I do not like one single thing about it.

          Every time Neil blinked he remembered a little more of his Christmas vacation. Every time he moved he felt Riko's hands and blades and fire on his skin. he'd let Riko take him apart time and time again because it was the only way to survive, because bending should have kept him from breaking, but Neil didn't know if he could pull himself together one more time.

MY SON, MY BEAUTIFUL SHORT-TEMPERED ANGSTY SASS MACHINE SON, FUCK NO.

I MUST PROTECT YOU.

And then, immediately after - are y'all ready for the most heartbreaking paragraph in this chapter, because I am ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT:

          Neil, Wymack called him, even when he looked like this, even with his father's face and his father's eyes and the Moriyama's number on his face. Neil, Wymack called him, and more than anything Neil wanted it to be true. He stopped fighting to get free; the hands that had been trying to wrench Wymack's arms off him now held on for dear life.

HE'S HUGGING HIM.

NEIL IS HUGGING WYMACK, KNOWING WYMACK WILL LOVE AND ACEEPT HIM NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHAT UGLY PART OF NEIL HE GETS TO SEE, AND NEIL IS HUGGING HIM, CLINGING, PROBABLY CRYING.

GUESS WHO'S NOT JUST PROBABLY CRYING.

IT'S ME.

          "Help me," he said through gritted teeth.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Neil!! Is!! Not only accepting help!! But ASKING FOR IT!!!

[high-pitched incoherent emotional screaming in the distance]

Wymack, of course, is the Best Person Alive and patches Neil up without asking questions - which is an incredibly feat considering that Neil's body right now has reached new Deapool-looking heights.

On the contrary, it is now Neil who offers answers - after the finals, after the Ravens are beaten and have had their abusive sadistic asses handed to them, Neil will tell Wymack the truth. As in, the actual truth.

HELL FECKIN YES.

Wymack deserves to know All The Things.

          "I didn't sign it," Neil said, looking up from his hands. (...) "He gave me a contract but I wouldn't sign it. He couldn't make me. This doesn't mean anything. I'm still a Fox."

Oh my god. This small "He couldn't make me" in there, brb literally burying myself in a pile of my own emotions.

They tortured him. They legit medieval-style full-on tortured him, and he still refused to be one of them. Even in pain so cruel it caused blackout memory, Neil still refused to give up his Fox family.

"He couldn't make me."

Neil, I have seldom loved you more than in this very, very moment.

And oh - it's almost New Year's.

          He tapped out a simple "Happy New Year" to the Foxes. (...) The response was almost immediate. By the time the midnight countdown started on the screen (...), he'd already heard back from his entire team, most of them in capslock and with extraneous exclamation marks.

FOX BABIES

FOX FAMILY

          He was their family. They were his. They were worth every cut and bruise and scream.

WOULD SOMEONE THINK OF MY FOX TEARS

          Facing the Foxes on the court this spring would be the last mistake Riko ever made.

And if it isn't, I will personally worm myself into this fictional universe and smack him so hard his shitty sadistic motherfucker of a brain comes flying out his ass where it had been hidden, and he will die slowly and painfully of tragic brainlessness while I bound off to find Neil and give him the 24h cuddle session he needs and deserves.

Fucking hell.

Nicki out.

Hold on - before I leave, a quick note on how updates will continue:

Some time next week (don't know when exactly) I'll put up another review of the entire book, like I did for The Foxhole court. We're also looking at what predictions I made last time and whether they turned out to be golden bullshit or not, so stay tuned for that.

After that, in August this blog will take a hiatus as I'm travelling around a lot taking well-deserved holidays. (Canadian peeps: I'm invading your country! If anyone here lives in the Regina, Edmonton or Toronto area, hit me up.)

In September, we're back to our normal update schedule of twice a week (as long as life allows me to, as always), this time probably having All The Feels over The King's Men.

I can't wait.

And, on a last note: As always, if you like what I do here and you want to help me continue making this project, please consider buying me a coffee. Every little bit does help. Thank you so much! <33

[intpmadd]

MADD music

So this is just what works for me, but I noticed the #maddmusic tag was pretty empty and thought it could use a refresher. These are usually corresponded with action-packed daydreams, but I'll include whatever I use for angsty/calmer daydreams at the end. • Sinectra ft Jiggy Baow - Svep Den • B3nte - Break My Heart • Supertramp 2017 • Alfons - Oddysey • S3RL ft Sara - Operation Doomsday • Swedish House Mafia - Don't You Worry Child • Kygo - Stole the Show • Nihilis - Help Our Souls (Urban Contact Remix) • SUNRISE - Bullet • Peter Pan - Lost Boy (Darren Omnet Bootleg) • Otto Knows - Dying for You • Showtek vs. Technoboy & Tuneboy - Mellow • Borgeous - They Don't Know Us • A Friend Like Me (Original Mix) • Jacob Tillberg - How Deep • Treyy G - Voodoo Lounge • Bruno Mars - That's What I Like (Alan Walker Remix) • Behmer - Big Bertha • Sebastian Ingrosso - Reload • Dmitri Vegas - Mammoth • Showtek - We Are Loud • Showtek - We Like To Party • SCNDL - The Munsta • Albatraoz - General Zod • Klaas - Party Like We're Animals (Radio Edit) • Timmy Trumpet - Nightmare (Radio Edit) • Julian Jordan - Slenderman • Kokab - Got You (Ready or Not) • A Billion Robots - One More Drink • Sean&Bobo x A Billion Robots - YOU • Helion - Bamboo • A Billion Robots - Crazy • A Billion Robots - F*ck This Party • Luis Fonsi - Despacito ft. Daddy Yankee • The Black Eyed Peas - Just Can't Get Enough • Owl City - Fireflies (SMLE Trap Remix) • Yr Body is Nothing • Gemini (Uplink Remix) • She Wanna (ft TruFeelz) • Flume - Say It ft Tove Lo • Møme - Aloha • Halsey - Hurricane (Arty Remix/Audio) • The Trickaz ft Creaky Jackals - OG Purp • Emrod - Forever • Ember Island x V!RTU - Creep • Osrin & Adam Tell - By Surprise • ye. & opvs & Andrew Ronck - Small Talk • BUNT. - Take Me Home • Behmer - Lucidity • Will Sparks - Monsta • Edvin & Tim - Lucky Ass B*tch • Will Sparks ft Alex Jones - My Time • Booty Dip (Dirty Palm Remix) • Edvin & Tim ft. Johannes-Kastor - Apologize • Teddy Cream x Szabo - Lover feat. Timoth • Dirty Palm & Treyy G ft. Kendall P - Krew • Dirty Palm - Dancin (ANGSTY/CALM MUSIC) • Owl City - Silhouette • Beyonce - Drunk In Love • Naughty Boy - La La La • Ed Sheeran - Bloodstream • Ed Sheeran - The Man • Ed Sheeran - Nina • Rag'N'Bone Man - Human • FC Kahuna - Hayling (Max Cooper Remix) • Keira Knightly - Lost Stars • NoMBe - California Girls • Olivia o'Brien - Complicated • Olivia o'Brien - I Hate You I Love You • Lollipop - Lil Wayne • OogaBooga - Someday • Vashti Bunyan - I'd Like to Walk Around • Brand New - Jesus Christ • Marshmello - Keep It Mello Anyway, that's all I got. Also, if you have any songs please share bc I go through my MADD music pretty quickly

[mylittlebubbles]

The Plan // Archie Andrews

Hi... me again sorry I have another angsty idea. Can you do an imagine where the reader is Veronica's adopted sibling and she has a giant crush on Archie and Veronica knows it and the reader and Archie have been hanging out a lot just them and she thinks he likes her too but then the reader catches them kissing and she feels really betrayed and hurt and she won't talk to either of them but then Archie like confesses his love for the reader in front of everyone during a football game or something. Hey! Sorry this one was a little late but I've had it saved in my notes to do. But, here's another Archie imagine. I'll being having Cheryl and Veronica soon! 💕 *** 'Come on! Spill the beans lil sis!' Veronica poked and prodded her few months younger sister, trying to provoke her to tell her who she had feelings for. Y/N slapped her repeatedly playfully to keep her away from her. Y/N laughed, watching Veronica's reaction to Y/N hitting her. 'I don't like anyone and if I did I would certainly NOT tell you.' 'Oh, c'mon! Just admit it; you like Archibald Andrews.' Y/N's mouth dropped open, smacking her again. 'Say it louder please, I want him to know and completely embarrass myself.' Y/N commented sarcastically, rolling her eyes. 'Oh, c'mon. I think it's adorable.' 'Shut up.' 'No, because I'm right.' 'Veronica...' 'Y/N...' 'What are you two fighting about?' Both girls turned their heads to see Archie, watching them in amusement. 'She's pestering me, just like an older sister would.' Y/N laughed, pushing Veronica away from her. She squinted at her, telling her to keep her mouth shut. 'I'll save you from her since we've got to go study in the library, remember?' 'Oh yeah - I completely forgot!' Y/N nodded, standing next to Archie. 'Catch you later sis!' She smiled, waving and walking away with Archie. The special thing about Veronica and Y/N about them being sisters is that they were by bond, not by blood. Y/N was adopted into the Lodge family when she was younger after her parents sadly passed away in a fire, they made sure she escaped whilst a 9 year old Y/N watched her house burn down in flames. Hermoine and Hiram were family friends with her parents, taking no risks and adopting her straight away. Veronica and Y/N grew a bond stronger than anything imagined. Veronica cared and watched out for her at all costs throughout their relationship, especially moving to a new town. But, Y/N and Veronica managed to make friends with the same people, making it easier for Veronica to look out for Y/N. 'Archie - when did we plan to go study in the library?' Y/N asked, walking beside the auburn haired boy. Archie smirked mischievously, looking down at the Y/H/C haired coloured girl. 'We aren't, I just wanted to get you away from Ronnie.' 'Wow, my hero.' Y/N laughed that adorable laugh, Archie always loved it. It was like music to his ears. 'Hey - I did you a favour.' He pointed out, pushing open the library door. 'Okay, I'll let you off just this once.' Y/N always attempted to be coy with Archie, trying her best to keep her emotions and feelings under wraps, with the fear of being hurt. She was already anxious enough with Ronnie knowing, she'd probably never leave the house if the likes of Cheryl found out, that would be a recipe for disaster. 'Right, well, since you've put us in this predicament, we're actually going to study.' 'Oh, c'mon. What about the snacks? We always do that on our free period?' Y/N rolled her eyes at the complaining teenager, opening her back and throwing a packet of skittles at him. He fumbled before catching it, glaring at Y/N playfully. 'You're lucky I caught it.' 'You can eat the orange ones, it'll help your hair stay the way it is.' Archie snorted, shaking his head at the girl he sat next to, popping a skittle in his mouth as they began to study. ** It was almost the end of the day and Veronica had a plan. Now, usually her plans worked, but, sometimes when she got to sure of herself, the plan would fall through. She finally found the auburn hair she'd been looking for, tapping him on the shoulder. Archie spun around, seeing the raven haired girl smiling at him. 'Archie, can we talk? In private?' Archie smiled and nodded, following her into the vacant classroom. He shut the door behind him, confused as to why he was in here. 'Ronnie, what's going on?' Archie asked, frowning in confusion. 'What do you mean?' Her tone of voice changed, almost seducing. She took a few steps forward closer towards him, making him take a few more back. 'You've...you've never acted like this before, what are you doing?' 'Don't you see it, Archikins? We were made for each other.' Veronica was now so close to his face, he could feel her breath fanning his face. 'Just accept it.' Meanwhile, Y/N was walking past, since Ronnie wanted to speak to her about something to do with home. She was confused. Ronnie was supposed to be here by now, where was she? Y/N only simply turned her head before she saw her sister locking lips with the guy she'd liked since she first moved here. Y/N felt her face drop and emotions starting to show, looking around in the crowded hallway, she hopped no one was looking. She didn't even realise until Archie's eyes widened at her that he'd been caught and he'd seen Y/N's broken facial expression. Y/N made a sprint for the girls bathroom, hiding away from her sister that betrayed her and the boy she loved and thought loved her in return. She put her hand over her mouth, trying to keep quiet in the stall she'd locked herself in, letting the tears fall freely. Meanwhile, Archie had pushed Veronica away, glaring at his friend. 'Why did you do that, Ronnie?' 'What do you mean?' Ronnie felt bad for hurting her sister, but she needed to know for her sake. 'I like Y/N, a lot actually and you've now ruined any chance that I have with her. I've never cared for someone as much as her and I was planning to finally confess my feelings for her, now I've completely ruined.' Archie was furious, his face almost turning red like his hair. 'That's what I wanted to hear.' Ronnie smirked, standing back. Archie turned his head back to her, frowning in confusion. 'I knew you had feelings for her, I just wanted to see if you were good enough for her.' 'By what? Making out with me?' 'By seeing your reaction to me doing it. You're mad, it worked. Now, for the next step in my plan; winning her back in the best way possible.' 'Winning her back? I wouldn't have to do it if you didn't kiss me!' Archie exclaimed. 'Trust me, Arch. You have to make Y/N feel special and a big gesture is the way to go and I know exactly how to do it.' ** 'Y/N, come out of the stall, please?' Betty pleaded, knocking on the door. Y/N sniffled, wiping her nose with the cheap toilet paper in her hand. 'No. I can't face the world.' 'Y/N, no one else saw it.' Kevin reassured. 'Kevin, you're not suppose to be in here and I don't care, they would've heard about it. Why would she do that? She knew I liked him!' 'We all did,' Kev said, Betty glaring at him. They found out about Ronnie's plan before it happen, knowing it would cause Y/N to be hurt. 'But, I'm sure there's something we don't know.' 'She kissed Archie...I'm not going to the game tonight.' 'Yes you are.' Betty cut her off. 'You are a strong, independent woman and you don't need a man in your life. You've got this. Don't let them ruin your fun and social outings.' Y/N unlocked the door, slowly pulling it open. Betty and Kevin gave their friend a sympathetic look, her make up completely smudged, her face red and her eyes puffy. Y/N walked over to the sink, turning on the tap to try and fix her face as much as possible. 'Fine,' she finally spoke up, 'I'll go to the game.' ** Y/N regretted this whole idea of going now, she absolutely hated being here and watching a game standing next to Jughead, who couldn't care less about this sport and looking at the guy who made out with her sister. 'Why don't you just go talk to him about it?' Jughead suggested. She turned, frowning and glaring at him. He put his hands up in surrender, knowing he'd only made her more annoyed as the whistle blew, the game beginning again. 'Where the hell is Kevin? - I thought he'd be here, since Betty and she who shall not be named are cheerleaders.' Y/N asked, looking around for them. Jughead knew they had a plan, whether it actually worked was a different story. Archie was planning to announce his feelings at half time to Y/N, hoping she'll give him a chance and forgive Ronnie for trying to be a protective sister. Archie began the play again, the whole school starting to cheer his name in sync, Y/N beginning to feel like a sitting duck. She looked at the students and the cheerleaders who shouted his name, loud and proud. Y/N felt out of place, she began to feel maybe Archie could do better, being a football star and a musician, he could do better and she was slowly starting to see it. 'Jug...I'm gonna go, okay?' Y/ N gave him a half smile, standing up from her seat in the stands. 'Are you sure?' Jughead attempted to not look panicked, trying to keep Y/N from leaving before half time. 'Yeah...I - I can't do this, I'm sorry.' She apologised, walking away from her worried friend. Jughead messaged Betty, letting her know that Y/N was leaving now and Archie needed to do something quickly before he lost his chance. Archie had been keeping an eye on her the entire game, stopped running completely to watch the love of his life leaving him. 'No...she can't.' He mumbled to himself, sprinting off the field, causing everyone to frown and call out in confusion. The coach screamed at him, asking him what the hell he was doing, but Archie didn't answer nor care. Y/N didn't even realise she was the centre of attention for everyone, watching Archie run up the bleacher steps to stop Y/N from exiting. Y/N looked up, shocked to see Archie standing in front of her, helmet off and sweat glistening on his forehead. 'Archie - what the hell...' 'No, listen to me.' Archie cut Y/N off, wanting to tell her everything. 'I know Veronica kissed me, but I found out why; because she wanted to know how I'd react to a kiss from someone else, seeing if I was faithful. I then yelled at her and told her she screwed up every chance that I had with you because I love you and I can't live without-' 'Wait - hold up; what did you just say?' Y/N asked, feeling her eyes glisten with tears. Archie stopped mid rambling, looking into Y/N's Y/E/C eyes. He showed a small smile, looking down at his feet. 'I - I love you.' Everyone around them awed, watching the two young lovers. It was almost an episode from "The Days of Our Lives". 'R-really?' Y/N stuttered, stepping down more step, making her and Archie closer together. 'But, what about Ronnie-' 'She did this so I could admit my feelings to you.' Archie explained. 'I love you and I want you.' He repeated. Y/N smiled, but it soon fell. 'How can I trust you?' Archie but his lip, cupping Y/N's cheek before he leaned in, kissing her after so long of waiting. Y/N felt like the breath had been taken out of her. The crowd cheered behind them, neither knowing if it was for the game that played behind them or them finally kissing, but, neither of them cared. Archie pulled away, smiling at Y/N. Thunder echoed off in the sky, signalling it was going to rain. Y/N looked up to the sky laughing. 'Okay, you've proved it. But please, no more kissing my sister...or anyone else. How about if we have something on our minds we tell each other?' Archie chuckled, nodding. 'That sounds good.' Y/N felt the first drop on her cheek, smiling. 'Oh and Archie, I love you.' She looked back at Archie, grabbing his face and pulling him in for another kiss, the rain beginning to pelt down on them. But there was no care in the world when Y/N and Archie kissed each other. Jughead shook his head, chuckling at his friends. Betty and Ronnie watched from their position on the field, giving each other a high five to finally have two people who loved each other together.

[multifandomximagines]

Bruises - A Riverdale Imagine

Archie x Reader A/N:  i love polite requesters :) they make me so happy. also- this one is long, which i haven't done in a long time, so that makes me super happy! Requested by: @hayley0005 "Hey could i request a imagine with Archie Andrews with the prompts 4,15,and 17 mainly just the first two if threes to much. Kinda where something goes down between them a fight idk and archie flips out on a guy or someone basically overreacting thinking reader needed help just tense between the two. haha. Hope it makes sense." 4. "You don't get to touch her! Not anymore. Not after what you did!" 15. "I don't need saving. Not now! Not ever." 17. "You cheated on me! What was I supposed to do? Smile and forgive you?" Warnings: mentions of cheating, a small (physical & verbal) fight & just a lil angsty- but i didn't forget the fluff! Word Count: 1517 ------------------------- Reggie Mantle didn't know when to quit. We had dated for a while- nearly eight months- and I thought everything was prefect, until I found out that he had cheated on me. Multiple times. With different people. Ever since, he's been trying to get me back. I'm with Archie now, the red-headed man of my dreams, but even that isn't enough for Reggie to leave me alone. He knows we're together- the whole school does- but he just doesn't care. Reggie doesn't stop until he gets what he wants; which, unfortunately, happens to be me, in this case. I was standing at my locker, packing my bag with all the materials I needed to bring home, when Reggie appeared next to me. I groaned, but didn't turn to face him. "What do you want, Reggie?" I ask, obviously annoyed. "You. But you already knew that," he responds, without missing a beat. I roll my eyes and close my locker. "And you already know that will never happen," I shoot back. "Don't you think you're overreacting? Maybe just a little?" he asks, trailing behind me as I begin to walk away. I turn around immediately, my hair flying over my shoulder. "You're kidding, right? Tell me you're kidding," I say, growing angrier with every word. *** "You cheated on me! What was I supposed to do? Smile and forgive you?" *** I shout. That's when Archie joins us, looking very concerned. "What's going on?" he asks sternly. "Nothing," I say, glaring at Reggie. "Let's go." "Oh come on, babe, don't be like this. Can't you just let it go?" Reggie whines. Before I can respond, Archie takes a step closer to him, and spits, "She's not your 'babe' anymore." Reggie scoffs and rolls his eyes, stepping around Archie and closer to me. "Why don't we let her decide that, yeah?" he says, taking my hand. Immediately I pull it back, out of his grasp, but it's too late. Archie shoves Reggie against the lockers, jabbing a finger to his chest. *** "You don't get to touch her! Not anymore. Not after what you did!" *** he shouts. Reggie's beginning to look more and more angry. "You better back off, Andrews," he says menacingly. "Leave her alone and I will," Archie hisses. The two boys are incredibly close, standing nearly nose to nose. My heart is pounding- both with anger and with fear. "Come on, Archie," I say, desperate to get out of this situation. Archie looks to me, then back to Reggie, and takes a step back. He picks up his backpack, which he had previously thrown to the ground, and begins walking towards me. That is, until Reggie calls, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then, beautiful." In the blink of an eye, Archie's turned around, and I barely have time to process the fact that his fist is flying towards Reggie's face. It connects with a sickening crack, and for a moment, Reggie just looks stunned. But then that look of confusion turns to one of anger, and Reggie is swinging back. A full-on fight breaks out. Fists are flying everywhere, they're falling to the floor, and I begin to notice drops of blood staining the white tile. "Stop it, both of you!" I shout desperately. But it's no use. I'm not even sure they can hear me. It doesn't take long for a teacher to step in, breaking up the boys and walking them both to the principal's office. What a great way to end the day. ------------------------ I don't bother staying to see how much trouble Archie is in. I don't want to know just yet. "Why did he have to step in?" I keep asking myself. I was fine! Annoyed, tired, and upset, but still fine. I was leaving. I was walking out when Archie had to say something, press Reggie's buttons. None of that had to happen. I'm not a princess. I don't need him to "defend my honor." I can take care of myself. I understand that he was trying to stand up for me, but all it did was get him a busted face and a week-long suspension. After a few hours, once I've calmed down, I decide to walk over to Archie's house. I know he'll be grounded for getting into a fight, but I'm sure Fred will let me see him, just this once- after all, the man adores me; plus, he'll understand why I need to talk to him. It takes me about ten minutes to reach Archie's house. I knock on the door, and- as I'd suspected- Fred answers. "Hey, there, kiddo," he says, a small smile lighting up his face. "I'm assuming you're here for Archie?" "Yes," I sigh. "I'm sure you've grounded him, which is definitely the right thing to do," I ramble, and he chuckles. "But I need to talk to him. Just for a few minutes. There are some things we have to sort out," I tell him, as I begin to blush slightly. "I figured you'd be over sooner or later," he smiles. "But knowing you, I didn't think it would be for a couple of days," he laughs, and I can't help but laugh with him. "He's upstairs, in his room," Fred tells me, letting me inside. "He'll be un-grounded next, when he goes back to school." "Thank you," I whisper, hugging the older man. I turn to the stairs, but quickly turn back around and ask him, "Do you have any ice-packs?" He laughs and grabs one out of the freezer, handing it to me. He smiles as I walk up the steps, heading straight down the hallway to Archie's room. His back is to the door. He doesn't notice me standing there; he's too engrossed in strumming that guitar of his. I stand there for a few moments, listening to the soft music before I bring attention to myself. "I'm surprised you can still play with how bruised your hands must be right now," I say dryly, and I nearly flinch at how harsh I sound. He whips around immediately, and I'm not prepared for what I see. His lip is split and swollen, and looks like it must be incredibly painful. His right eye is a deep purple, and is practically swollen shut. I doubt he can see anything out of it. All in all, it looks like somebody decided to smash his face with a baseball ball. It feels as though all the air has left my body, and I've forgotten how to breathe. But I don't cry. I walk over and sit on the edge of his bed, facing him. "Damn," I mutter, reaching out to stroke his cheek. He still flinches, even though I'm being as gentle as possible. Seeing him like this breaks my heart. "Why'd you have to do that?" I breathe out, my voice barely above a whisper. I can feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes. He shakes his head. "He needs to learn when to back off," he defends himself. "Yes, he does," I say, exasperated. "But that doesn't mean you start a fight with him!" "He wouldn't leave you alone! What was I supposed to do? Let him stand there and call you 'babe'? I had to do something. I had to- to save you," he finishes. *** "I don't need saving! Not now, not ever!" *** I snap angrily. "I am perfectly capable of handing situations by myself." "I know, I just..." he trails off and looks down. I sigh, exhausted. "Get up," I tell him. He looks up at me, confused. "What?" "You heard me," I tell him as he stands up. "He busted your face, not your ears." I pat a spot on the bed, right in front of me. He sits down, and I very carefully press the ice pack to his eye. He winces. "That was really stupid," I tell him, and he gives a small laugh. "But I love you anyway." I lean into him and press a gentle kiss to his cheek- the one that's not swollen and covered in bruises. "I love you too," he whispers.

[positive-stress]

Bands 4 the Sads

Hi I know I never use this blog, this is a weird thing. I’m making a big list of musics that get me through the Sadtimes. It’s for a facebook group but you can look at it too! Warning: this is gonna get long. I’m a sad boy.

Some of these are happy for when you need to fight the feels, and some of these are sad for when you need to feel the feels. I’ve included short blurbs with each one so you should know what you’re getting into.

I’m gonna break this up into songs, albums, and bands. Here We Go [INHALES]

BANDS

Fall Out Boy Obviously.

Good Clean Fun A goofy-ass positive hardcore band. They’re vegan straightedge but don’t let that turn you off. If I can listen to hip-hop, you can listen to this.

Jukebox the Ghost The best boys!!!! I love these good good piano rock boys. You will never have so much fun jamming out to an upbeat song about the end of the world. Their album Everything Under the Sun is a god damn masterpiece.

Math the Band If you know me at all, this is the biggest not-surprise ever. Math the Fuckin’ Band. The goofiest, funnest band in the world. It is impossible to feel sad while listening to their sick jams.

The Mountain Goats John Darnielle is maybe the most talented songwriter in the world. An emotion does not exist that he can’t make you feel. Listen to The Sunset Tree.

Lil B With as much music as this guy has, it can be easy to think Lil B sucks. He can be dumb and he can be gross and he can be mean, but he always listens to his fans and tries to do better and bring positivity into the world, and I love him for it. Listen to 6 Kiss, listen to Im Gay, listen to Everything Based, listen to Angels Exodus, listen to everything. Collect the rarest tracks. TYBG.

PWR BTTM A band that will make even the most self-conscious boy (me) smear glitter all over his face before going to their shows (I did). Whether they’re making you feel unstoppable or hitting you right in the feels, this band is always the fucking best thing to listen to. Please listen to PWR BTTM, you will not be disappointed. (At the moment they only have one album, Ugly Cherries, but their second, Pageant, is coming out soon and I expect it to be every bit as worthy of this list so I’m putting them under bands.)

Snowing RIP this perfect emo band. They got a perfect EP and a perfect LP out and then had to break up because that’s how it works. Some people say they hate this guy’s voice but those people just need to be sadder, damn it. I CUT MY AAAAAAAAAAARMS OFF

Terror Pigeon! / The Terror Pigeon Dance Revolt! I don’t even know how to describe this one-man band. It doesn’t sound like anything I’ve ever heard. It’s dance music for people who feel isolated and hopeless. It’s the cheesiest, sweetest love songs you’ll ever hear. There’s very often a saxophone. Neil’s lyrics are blunt and goofy, but they’re the most heartfelt lyrics in the world. “If you put up with all of my bullshit, I promise that I’ll make you smile / I’ll remember your birthday and love you forever / The sun will be shining ‘cause we’ll be together.” Their debut album is called I Love You! I Love You! I Love You and I’m in Love With You! Have an Awesome Day! Have the Best Day of Your Life! With any other band, I’d see a name like that and say “alright, chill.” With Terror Pigeon, I feel like he really means it.

ALBUMS

Andrew W.K. - I Get Wet Sometimes you just need to party.

Born Ruffians - Red Yellow & Blue A super fun upbeat indie rock ride from start to finish. Only a little blue, only sometimes.

Carly Rae Jepsen - EMOTION BABY!!!! TAKE ME!!!! TO THE!!!! FEELING!!!!

NATSUMEN - NEVER WEAR OUT yOUR SUMMER xxx !!! The summeriest boys. The jazziest rock. This band loves summer and hates winter more than anyone in the world. Fuck winter. KILL yOUR WINTER!!!

Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Let It Sway This album is criminally underappreciated. Some of the most relentlessly uplifting indie pop I’ve heard in my life. HIGHLY recommended.

Dan Deacon - Bromst If there’s any album I would say changed my life, it’s this one. Great for when you’re in a good mood and want to have fun, great for when you’re in a shit mood and want to have fun.

fun. - Aim & Ignite This band actually used to be fun! Who knew? I kind of have to be in the mood for this one but it has gotten me through some shit. Rule of thumb: listen to “Be Calm”. If it makes you feel amazing, keep going.

Japandroids - Celebration Rock I’ve never heard a band say “OOOOOHHHHHHHH” so good. Listening to Japandroids makes me feel the way I assume listening to Imagine Dragons makes normies feel. This band will make you hold one clenched fist in the air or your money back.

Cap’n Jazz - Schmap’n Schmazz Required listening for emo boyz.

Electric President - s/t This album gives me the feels like no other. Hoo boy. This is an album to curl up with on a gloomy night.

Low - I Could Live in Hope I lied, this album gives me the feels like no other. Hoo boy. I thought this album was super boring until I listened to it at 4 in the morning when I wanted to die and it hit me like a train full of sacks of bricks. Incredible album.

i hate myself - 10 Songs This is a rough one in every way. Rough on the ears, rough on the emotions, and rough on the dude’s throat. Maximum strength emo.

Los Campesinos! - Hold on Now, Youngster... The happiest sounds, the saddest feels.

My Chemical Romance - Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge I know, but like, actually. This is a legitimately amazing album. Sure it’s super cheesy angsty teenager music but my god if this isn’t the perfect super cheesy angsty teenager music I don’t know what is.

Neil Cicierega - Mouth Moods Jesus christ, this album is so dumb. 10/10. A mashup album that will catch you off guard and make you laugh out loud over and over.

Ninja Sex Party - NSFW Jesus CHRIST, this album is so dumb. Honestly though, it’s made me smile at some really shitty times. At first I thought this band sucked, then I realized they’re actually the best, assuming you think it’s funny when a man in a kimono sings about boners.

Spraynard - Funtitled Like, okay. These guys hit every pop punk/emo cliche in the book. Song titles referencing comedy shows? Check. Lyrics about “this town”? Check. Whatever. This album is perfect.

The Ergs - dorkrockcorkrod An album almost entirely comprised of self-described broken-hearted love songs, in the form of some extremely fun, fast, hard punk rock.

SONGS

Algernon Cadwallader - “Motivational Song” Johnny, Johnny, get on with your life! Won’t get a chance to get on with it twice So if fuckin’ up feels right, then fuck it up! BOP SHOO BOP, SHOO BOP BOP BOP

Animal Collective - “The Purple Bottle” This song is just so god damn... bouncy. Doodoot, doodoot, doodoot

Avey Tare - “Laughing Hieroglyphic” This song hurts in the best worst way. Be careful with this one, honestly.

Fang Island - “Daisy” The ENERGY of this song. My god. This is one of those songs that just makes you feel like you’re flying.

Four Year Strong - “One Step at a Time” Just a really great song about moving forward.

Future of the Left - “Land of my Formers” A surprisingly earnest, positive breakup song from a normally surreal, pissed-off band.

Sammus - “Nighttime (feat. Izzie True)” If you’ve ever stayed up way too late just stuck in your head, this is the song for you.

[EXHALES]

[klowee]

Filled in this questionnaire for a Tumblr friend (if you do the same, reply or dm so I can read yours)

1.Kissed a girl?

excuse you, think this gaysian has been living under a rock?

2.Kissed a boy?

sure have. sadly, a shameful amount. I was sexually confused as a teen, okay.

3.Had sex in public?

sure have! bathrooms, change rooms, high tops at restaurants, parks, cabs, on the island in Toronto — whoa, my twenties were fun, eh?

4.What’s your religion?

I am without one. I believe in myself?

5.What does your URL mean?

it’s my name spelled out phonetically.

6.Reason you joined tumblr?

cousin signed me up because she thought I’d love it back in 2010 — and love it, I did.

7.Do you have any nicknames?

gaysian, klow, crowy, clover, chole, the chole, DJ chole, etc.

8.Do you like bubble bath?

not especially. it makes my eczema flare up (insert sad face here)

9.Kissed in the rain?

pfffft who hasn’t tried to reenact that notebook scene.

10.Dyed your hair?

a few times when i was an angsty teenager.

11.Soup or salad?

sandwich?

12.Vegetable or meat?

I am an omnivore but like to have a lil meat with most meals.

13.Go out drinking?

not nearly as much as I used to.

14.Smoke cigarettes?

so I traded in my one semi-serious heterosexual relationship in at 24 for cigarettes and haven’t been able to kick the habit since.

15.Smoke weed?

almost er’ry day

16.Do any hard drugs?

not regularly

17.Have you had sex today?

like, it’s wednesday at 2:47pm and all I’ve done today is walk my dog, fuel myself with cups and cups of coffee and like work at my desk.

18.Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

like, accidentally. and whenever I’ve woken up from these sleep situations my neck always hurts. always. my arms fall asleep. my back gets awkwardly tight. like, no gracias señor. sleep on your own side.

19.The relationship between you and the person you last texted?

serena and i were talking about grammar errors — and fraggle love. we’ve best best buds for going on 12 years.

20.Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

it’s a line and I’ve for sure heard it. 

21.Skipped doing homework to play a video game?

back in university, I didn’t study for my exams and played guitar hero instead. on expert. and destroyed anyone who challenged me. so, like, worth it? (also, still got my degree and work in my field now — so — winning.)

22.Tried to commit suicide?

there were some dark times. have you ever spent 72 hours in a crisis stabilization unit? it was a bad time in my life. who wants coffee?

23.The last time you felt broken?

more like this year has felt very uncertain and my heart feels numb and my brain feels fried but i’m not one to feel too broken. just gently destroyed.

24.Had to lie to EVERYONE about how you felt?

every day I come to work with a good attitude and pretend I’m loving life. do you know anyone who loves their life every day? but I’ll do anything to keep morale up.

25.Do you have a Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

Do you have a flawless, perfect beagle with a golden ratio face?

26.Do you have Long hair OR short hair?

sooooo I kind of just haven’t cut it and the longest bits touch my bum...

27.First thing you notice to a guy/girl?

e n e r g y

28.Do you sing in the shower?

I kind of just sing everywhere? not necessarily well. in fact, probably terribly. I sing terribly everywhere.

29.Do you dance in the car?

regularly.

30.Where were you yesterday?

the office #DigitalEditorLife and book club (love my clever friends)

31.Ever used a bow and arrow?

sure have. just call me choleness everdeen.

32.Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

did headshots in the spring.

33.Do you think musicals are cheesy?

excuse you, I live for andrew lloyd webber. also, I can shamefully admit I was a big fan of glee.

34. Is Christmas stressful?

...but it’s significantly less magical as a grown up with no babies?

35.Favorite type of fruit pie?

coconut cream or apple?

36.Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a writer. I also wanted to be an actress, I considered being a lawyer (ally mcbeal), thought about being a therapist (I thought it’d be a fun way to get people to tell me their secrets) — then I realized people accidentally do that when you’re a journalist so...here I am

37. Do you believe in ghosts?

obviously. and aliens. they believe in ghosts so hard in china that they build ghost doors in temples and art galleries and shit. for real. google it.

38.Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

often. hey! I was just saying how these are my favourite cause it makes me feel like I’m on track with things (like I was supposed to be here)

39.Take a vitamin daily?

no, but I’m into taking my vitamin ds whenever I remember. welcome to canada — the SAD is real here.

40.Wear slippers?

sometimes. and I shuffle like my late nin-nin in them too.

41.Wear a bath robe?

sometimes. like, I have a couple. and sometimes I wear them. but it’s not like a thing.

42.What do you wear to bed?

fresh pair of panties and i’m like, niiiiiiight.

43.Do you want to get married?

I sure do want my big fat chinese lesbian wedding. heck yeah, I do.

44.Can you curl your tongue?

I am an excellent lesbian.

Relationship preference:

45.How many relationships have you had?

let’s count some of those boyfriends beards when I was younger

a few affairs

many girlfriends

many lovers

a few serious partners

a painful number of mistakes (lol)

I have lots of friends and family and they make up for the terrible romantic relationships I struggle with maintaining 

46.How can I win your heart?

it’s there or it isn’t. if we feel it, we’ll feel it. i don't believe in forcing anything.

47.what makes a great relationship?

loyalty, respect, trust, solid communication, honesty (reasonably so), mutual goals and like, same dietary goals (read: a love for cheeseburgers) 

48.Shy OR open?

I gravitate towards introverts as I am super open.

50.Religious OR non-religious?

like, I want to say I don’t care — but I guess I have no intention on raising my offspring with a religion (so, if they want to like splash my child with some water — maybe — but if they want to enrol them in sunday school...like, hard to say...)

51.Caring OR non-restricting of you?

like, care. but don’t be a controlling dick — trust me. then, i’ll be like same. and we’d be cool.

52.Straight edge OR non-straight edge?

like, I don’t want to go out of my way and find a heroine addict (we’ve all seen how GIA ends) and anyone too pure would find me filthy so I’m really hoping for a middle-of-the-road unicorn.

53.Piercings OR no piercings?

I don’t care? but maybe like less facial piercings? a single nose ring — nbd — but like bringing home someone with many holes in their face may make family dinners a tad awkward. my family is pretty conservative

54.Tattoos OR no tattoos?

into tattoos. all the tattoos. love tattoos.

55.Quiet stay-at-home type OR party type?

order in a healthy balance? heavier on the netflix and chill side?

[newstechreviews]

So far, the music of 2020 has been defined by its absences. Tours have been postponed; festivals have been canceled. Many high-profile artists, including The Dixie Chicks, Sam Smith and Alanis Morissette, have scrapped their albums for the time being, leaving immense holes in the year’s release calendar.

But plenty of excellent music has been released anyway; some of it seems to address the fragile state of the world directly, while other albums act as welcome reprieves. From Fiona Apple’s return to Lil Uzi Vert’s ascendance, here are the best albums of the year up to this point.

Dua Lipa, Future Nostalgia

It’s bold for a young pop star to title her album Future Nostalgia; it suggests a claim to timelessness, the kind of music that will represent an era and bring fans rushing back to that moment in their lives whenever it plays. Lucky for Britain’s Dua Lipa, that boldness paid off on her sleek, disco-leaning sophomore project. Lipa has a knack for earworms; her breakthrough came on 2017’s inescapable “New Rules.” Future Nostalgia, on which she has songwriting contributions on every track, has several: the kiss-off anthem “Don’t Start Now,” the passionate dance track “Break My Heart,” the winking, lusty “Physical.” It takes a masterful artist to sing lyrics like “My sugar boo, I’m levitating” and sell them. But Lipa is on top of her game, flavoring her rich soprano voice with a warm sense of humor in songs that rely on juicy, sticky beats. By the end of the album, a term of endearment like “honey boo” sounds timeless, too.—Raisa Bruner

Fiona Apple, Fetch the Bolt Cutters

Fetch the Bolt Cutters is what happened when Fiona Apple, now decades into a career during which she’s been both a critical darling and subject of controversy, let go of any last shred of her need for approval. Apple recorded this album entirely in her home in Venice Beach with trusted friends and collaborators; you can hear her and her friends’ dogs barking in “Fetch the Bolt Cutters,” and the percussion is often crafted from found items around the house. But in its 13 wry, witheringly honest tracks, Apple’s newfound musical freedom has also drawn up some of her most powerful indictments of both other people and the shackles that accompany celebrity and womanhood. The album feels potent, like something Apple had to get off her chest. There’s the unmodulated yodeling at the end of “I Want You to Love Me,” the rush of “Shameika,” the comic delivery of “Ladies, ladies, ladies.” “Kick me under the table all that you want, I won’t shut up,” she intones on “Under the Table,” and it’s both both a statement of resilience and a reminder that music can offer us much more than love stories. Fetch the Bolt Cutters is about friends, acquaintances, bosses, lovers, exes, societal forces: every kind of relationship, put under Apple’s microscope and unleashed as an anthem of individuality.—Raisa Bruner

Grimes, Miss Anthropocene

The recent headlines about Grimes have covered everything but the music—her baby’s name, her Twitter feuds, the labor politics of her boyfriend Elon Musk. It’s a shame, because her latest album Miss Anthropocene rivals anything she’s released over her decade-long career. At first glance, its muddled electro-pop aesthetic and lyrics might seem to obscure Grimes’ lofty stated goal of creating a “death god” representing climate change. But each melody is an earworm, and terrifying themes gradually unfold in mantras: “Cross my heart and hope to fly”; “I wanna play a beautiful game even though we’re gonna lose”; “I hear they’re calling my name/ I’m not gonna sleep anymore.” Grimes might be a controversy magnet, but she’s also still one of the most compelling and ambitious pop artists of the ‘00s.—Andrew R. Chow

Jeremy Cunningham, The Weather Up There

The Weather Up There grapples with one of the most painful topics imaginable: the murder of a loved one. Twelve years ago, the Cincinnati jazz drummer Jeremy Cunningham’s younger brother Andrew was shot to death at home by two men who mistook him for someone else. On this album, Andrew’s death is confronted in direct ways—voice message tributes from family members and friends, spoken word poems—as well as in musical form. And while the subject matter is anguished, the album is far from a difficult listen: Cunningham recruits some of the world’s best jazz musicians—like the guitarist Ben Parker and the cellist Tomeka Reid—to create gorgeous textures and probing melodies.—Andrew R. Chow

Lil Uzi Vert, Eternal Atake

In March, while much the world’s population was cocooning in their homes, an impish 25-year-old iconoclast from Philadelphia erupted back into the cultural stratosphere riding a UFO and three alter egos. Eternal Atake, Lil Uzi Vert’s second studio album, is not just a streaming juggernaut—it racked up 400 million streams in its first week—but a classic of the streaming era, filled with incandescent melodies and an elastic sonic palette. Over 18 songs, Uzi shows off his array of approaches: he flips an overexposed Backstreet Boys song (“I Want It That Way”) into something genuinely new (“That Way”); stretches his voice to its highest and lowest registers (“You Better Move”); turns the word fragment “Balenci” into some kind of inexorable incantation (“Pop”); and proves he can rap with the best with them (on the turbo-charged “Homecoming”). A few years ago, Uzi was a distracted challenger to hip-hop’s royalty; now, he’s the center of the world, or possibly the universe.—Andrew R. Chow

Makaya McCraven, We’re New Again: A Reimagining

Since Gil Scott-Heron’s death in 2011, the poet and musician’s legacy has only grown in stature, as more and more people become aware of his impact on modern protest rhetoric and the origins of hip-hop. In February, the jazz drummer Makaya McCraven released We’re New Again: A Reimagining, which is not just a tribute to Scott-Heron but a reinvigoration. The album is the third major conceptualization of vocal fragments delivered by Heron in the years before his death: The first, Richard Russell’s I’m New Here, was sparse and industrial, while the second, Jamie xx’s We’re New Here, recast Scott-Heron as a dance-floor prophet.

This version by McCraven—one of the leaders of jazz’s new global vanguard—perhaps comes closest to Scott-Heron’s own aesthetic and avant-garde approach. McCraven brings together an all-star band to create a diasporic collage of experimental black music: J Dilla breakbeats, free jazz brambles, Afro Latin grooves, neo soul. And while Scott-Heron’s lyrics address addiction, insomnia and alienation, McCraven finds a communal warmth in them—and perhaps a blueprint to overcoming isolation and oppression.—Andrew R. Chow

The 1975, Notes on a Conditional Form

At 22 tracks, Notes on a Conditional Form can feel more like a long, meandering stroll through the eclectic mind of lead singer Matty Healy than a concentrated artistic statement. That, perhaps, is the point. What does the duet ballad “Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America,” utterly tender and minimal, have in common with a Greta Thunberg spoken-word track on climate change, or the angsty punk rock of “People,” or the slow country swing of “Roadkill,” or the purely atmospheric glow of “Having No Head”? Just the source. The 1975 have never boxed themselves in; this mix of jazz production, experimental instrumentation and unusual song structures is par for the course over the British band’s nearly-two-decade career together. But Notes on a Conditional Form feels even more like a grab-bag of ideas than usual. They say Millennials are easily distracted, but here’s an argument in favor of being comfortable with constant tonal switching, because there’s beauty in the unexpected. It sounds like the group is trying new things in real-time, unfettered by the need to over-edit. Is it all performance, or is it authentic playfulness? Does it matter, when it sounds good?—Raisa Bruner

Perfume Genius, Set My Heart on Fire Immediately

Set My Heart on Fire Immediately starts with a ragged intake of breath. It’s a good idea to inhale along with Mike Hadreas, who performs as the alt-pop creator Perfume Genius, because the uncompromising album about to begin holds a lengthy, emotionally vibrant journey in store. Now on his fourth album, Perfume Genius proves he’s equally comfortable with off-kilter indie rock, shimmering synth-pop and any shade of genre in between. His songs work a bit like paintings, in which he transforms sweetly-textured melodies into sheets of echoing, punk-inflected sound (“Whole Life”), or spackles flecks of glitter over a grimy base (“Leave”). Or, as on “Without You,” he can make a rock tune that twinkles, full of color. Perfume Genius has regularly plumbed his experiences of identity, relationships and pain for lyrical content. Here, he’s more opaque than ever. But pay close attention, and he’s also found new points of relating. “Take this wildness away,” he pleads over the bright swing of “On the Floor.” Listeners might beg to disagree.—Raisa Bruner

Yaeji, What We Drew

Over last few years, the bilingual Korean-American artist Yaeji has been throwing low-burning dance parties across the globe, linking up with local artists to create music that transgresses genres and cultures. Her mixtape What We Drew is an extension of this expansive vision: it includes producers from London and Tokyo and rappers from Oakland and North Carolina and pulls from trap, footwork, industrial music and even ASMR. The result is a simmering 40-minute recreation of a sweaty Brooklyn warehouse dance party. Throughout the project, Yaeji’s exploration of contrasting opposites—local and global, mythical and mundane, euphoric and depressive—keeps the project fresh listen after listen.—Andrew R. Chow

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3