#and would probably make poor David Weber cry

[stitchlingbelle]

So I recently saw this post and decided to be completely self-indulgent and write about the two specific characters who turned me into the person I am: Belle and Honor Harrington.

Belle* is a fairly easy one to explain. I'm a brunette who grew up on Disney movies and was just old enough to be hit with a lot of "you can't be the princess, you have brown hair". I'm also a voracious reader. And then, I switched schools and became The Weird New Girl overnight.

So when a brown-haired book-reading princess who everyone thought was weird appeared on the screen, I imprinted on her like a baby duckling. Here was all the validation I craved, that I could look like me and be me and read books and still have a happy ending. I clung to that all the way through middle school, high school and into college before I finally made it out the other side (ie, found my people and some self-esteem of my own.)

Honor Harrington is a bit more complicated. I have a deep and abiding love for that book series, and have for going on fifteen years now, but Honor herself is actually not my favorite character.** I didn't see myself in her, or aspire to be her.

What I eventually realized was that I wanted to live UP to her. Every time there was a passage about Rafe or Scotty or some other junior officer doing their best for her, I wondered if that would be me. If I would be good enough, try hard enough, be clever and brave and compassionate enough, to be one of 'hers'.

There's a scene where she has a bunch of cadets over for dinner and one asks a question that reveals they've had a look at some files that are officially off-limits, but unofficially are juuuust barely accessible if you're very, very dedicated. And it's said that caring enough to find them is a mark of being 'the right stuff' in senior officers' minds. I found myself caught up in wondering, would I have found them?

And that was all fantasy to me for the first bit of the series, which is heavy on the military action, a career I have never been cut out for. In-this-alternate-universe-would-I-be-a-Jedi levels of engagement. But it nagged at me.

And then the rest of the series happens, which is increasingly political and increasingly fraught and increasingly personal, as Honor actually becomes one of the people doing the politics. And while Weber leans a lot more monarchist than democratic in the books, the necessity of participating in your politics-- and thus your government and your society-- is one of Honor's major areas of growth and a key ideal set out by her and the people around her.

And I thought, I can't be a war hero. But I can do that.

I'd always been a voter, but I became a write-to-your-senator person, and then a donate-money person, and then a protest-march person, and then a volunteer-who-specializes-in-legislation person. Slowly I became more and more the sort of person I think Honor would be proud of.

So thank you to both my girls, and the people who made them, for making me.

*The Beast, being a miserable outcast, also spoke to me pretty strongly in middle school, but it took a lot more maturity to see that later on.

**That would be Thomas Theisman. Definitely also a character to live up to, but his impact on his junior officers gets a lot less page-time. And most of his storyline revolves more around direct action than civic engagement. (God, I'd love to see a committed lefty tackle that theme in restored-Republic Haven...)