#and where else will I find insightful and beautiful analyses of my favourite books but here

[ladyherenya]

Books read in April

Holidays are an ideal time to find oneself with a pile of library books to read. The downside to having gone away with a pile of books is having too many books to write about afterwards.

I also reviewed the short stories I listened to: “Intro to Prom” and “Semiramis” by Genevieve Valentine, “The Shipmaker” by Aliette de Bodard and “When We Were Starless” by Simone Heller.

Favourite cover: Stand in the Sky!

Reread: Once again, didn’t get to the book I’d planned to reread.

Still reading: Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee.

Next up: Begin, End, Begin: A #LoveOzYa Anthology. A Thousand Sisters: The Heroic Airwomen of the Soviet Union in World War II by Elizabeth Wein. Maybe Ancestral Night by Elizabeth Bear.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing. And also Dreamwidth.)

Pride by Ibi Zoboi (narrated by Elizabeth Acevedo): Seventeen year old Zuri Benitez is proud of her family, her Haitian-Dominican heritage and the community of her Brooklyn neighbourhood. She’s unimpressed by changes like gentrification or the wealthy Darcy family moving in across the street. This contemporary YA remix twists the events of P&P fit Zuri’s context, allowing the story explore cultural identity, class and dealing with change, and for Zuri’s relationship with Darius makes sense for 21st century teenagers. It’s a cute teen romance but most powerful as a love-letter to Zuri’s hood. The audiobook brought it to life even more vividly.

Stand on the Sky by Erin Bow: Achingly beautiful. It kept making me tear up because while it’s only sometimes sad -- while this is a hopeful and joyous story -- it captures twelve year old Aisulu’s emotions so intensely. When her older brother is taken to hospital, Aisulu is left behind with their herds and relatives and throws herself into raising an eaglet. A fascinating insight into nomadic Kazakhs living in Mongolia and into the challenges and the rewards of eagle-hunting. I love the prose, sense of place and characters; I love Aisulu’s relationships and the way this is her story -- her journey.

Song of the Current by Sarah Tolcser: Caro has grown up on the river with her father, a wherryman and a smuggler. She’s offered her first job in exchange for her father’s freedom -- to deliver a crate, unopened, to Valonikos. But when she opens the crate, its occupant has other ideas about their destination. This YA fantasy shines the strongest in the skills and knowledge Caro has about sailing and about river life. I enjoyed the rest, but some things happened a bit too quickly for me to feel invested.

Undying by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner: I wasn’t very enthusiastic about Unearthed but this sequel was a lot of fun to read. High-stakes and satisfying. There’s escaping and travelling across Europe incognito and trying to save the world. And it got to build upon what had previously been established, so there’s more nuance and it all felt more believable. After reading these authors’ other books, I was confident that everything would turn out okay. I’d have liked the ending more if the authors had surprised me and there had been a higher cost -- but this is a YA novel and teenage-me certainly wouldn’t have wanted that.

Cobalt Squadron by Elizabeth Wein (narrated by Kelly Marie Tran): I didn’t find The Last Jedi very satisfying but I’m a fan of Elizabeth Wein, so I listened to this story about a mission that Rose, her sister Paige and the rest of Cobalt Squadron are involved with. Knowing that the Tico sisters survive lessened the tension somewhat, but I liked getting to know them better. (I also know that Wein is capable of writing more complex and harrowing stories but that’s not what this one is aiming for.) The audiobook includes Star Wars music and sound effects. I’d love to see music and sound effects used in more audiobooks.

A Question of Holmes by Brittany Cavallaro: Charlotte Holmes and Jamie Watson are attending an Oxford summer program before they start university. Charlotte is asked to investigate a mystery involving the drama society. It’s a quieter mystery than the preceding ones but I am not going to complain about that. I’m happy to read about mysteries at Oxford! Towards the end Charlotte makes a decision which I thought needed to be foreshadowed better and then the epilogue rushed over some things, and I wasn’t totally satisfied. I also found Charlotte’s references to things like “fall”, even though she’s living back in the UK, jarring. Minor-ish quibbles?

The True Queen by Zen Cho: The companion to Sorcerer to the Crown. This took a while to hook me, but once the story got underway, I enjoyed guessing where it was all headed. It is a delightfully diverse Regency fantasy, with some satisfying twists. If I have any quibbles, it’s that I wanted a better resolution for something -- and maybe also just more of the ending? I don’t quite know... I didn’t spend much time analysing my reaction and it was now over half a dozen books ago.

Scorch Dragons by Amie Kaufman: In the sequel to Ice Wolves, 12 year old Anders and his twin sister find themselves on different sides of the conflict between wolves and dragons, but they work together with their friends to prevent a second war. The riddle-solving and questing for a hidden objects reminded me of Deltora Quest, which I enjoyed when I was Anders’ age. A very satisfying sort of adventure.

European Travel for the Monstrous Gentlewoman by Theodora Goss (narrated by Kate Reading): In the sequel to The Strange Case of the Alchemist’s Daughter, Mary Jekyll and Justine Frankenstein set off for Europe to rescue Lucinda Van Helsing at the request of Mary’s former governess, Mina Murray, and receive help and hospitality from people like Irene Adler and Carmilla. I particularly enjoyed the Athena Club’s interjections and digressions in the narrative, and interactions with each other. They make a great team. Kate Reading does a great job with all the voices and accents, which made the story all the more engaging. Even at 1.5 speed (due to 20+ hours of audiobook to get through!) it was easy to keep track of who was speaking.

The Raven Tower by Ann Leckie: I liked it! It’s engaging, intriguing and doing some surprisingly-similar things to Ancillary Justice (which I loved), such as: a first-person narrator who neither human nor omnipotent but has greater awareness and abilities; an interesting use of pronouns -- Eolo’s actions are described in the second-person; and a story about the past eventually collides with the story about the present. I completely missed that this is ALSO themes and variations on Hamlet. That might explain why I found the ending incredibly satisfying for the first-person narrator but I was expecting something more from -- for? -- Eolo.

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black: I borrowed this because it has a delightful map by Kathleen Jennings, it’s a finalist for the Lodestar Award, and I liked the last book I read by Black. It’s an interesting exploration of what it means to love terrible things, with a clear-sighted awareness of their flaws, but I spent most of the story thinking “I hate faeries” and wishing Jude could escape them. Then the plot did its thing, and I had to admit that this is a successful piece of storytelling, if still not quite my thing.

The Austen Playbook by Lucy Parker: Parker’s fourth romance about actors from the West End -- in which Freddy accepts the role of Lydia Bennet in The Austen Playbook, a televised, audience-interactive murder mystery theatre production -- is a lot of fun. Having an interesting setting and plot outside of the romance definitely enhances my enjoyment of the story. This had Jane Austen and Harry Potter references, rehearsal tensions, important family relationships, a mystery involving a (fictional) play, banter, and a lively actress and a grumpy theatre critic who are honest with each other.

The Place on Dalhousie by Melina Marchetta: This is about Jimmy Hailler (from Saving Francesca), now in his mid 20s. But it is equally about Rosie, who meets Jimmy in a Queensland town during a flood, Rosie’s stepmother Martha and the house built by Seb, Rosie’s late-father. It’s a powerfully moving story about grief, friendship and finding family. It’s shorter than Marchetta’s more-recent novels and I finished it feeling oddly disappointed, like it needed to be longer. Then I reread the book the following day, and reconsidered. I’d like more, certainly, but it is a satisfying story as it is.

From Clarkesworld Magazine, narrated by Kate Baker:

“Intro to Prom” by Genevieve Valentine (Issue 133): About four teenagers for whom prom is like a game they play, a way to pass the time. It is intriguing but bleak.

“Semiramis” by Genevieve Valentine (Issue 57): This is Valentine-ishly bleak and yet satisfyingly so? 

The worst thing about being a sleeper embedded somewhere long-term was that inevitably, eventually, you started to care. The worst thing about being embedded long-term as an administrator at the Svalbard Seed Vault was that when you inevitably started to care, you started to care about things like proper political geo-temperate arrangement of seeds, and there was just no one else in their right mind who was going to care about that with you.

“The Shipmaker” by Aliette de Bodard (Issue 124): Set in the same universe as The Tea Master and the Detective. It is intriguing but sad, and I wonder if I’d appreciate it more if I read more of de Bodard’s stories and understood the context better.

“When We Were Starless” by Simone Heller (Issue 145): This has been nominated for the Hugo for Best Novelette and I can see why! It’s a hopeful story about survival, questioning what society teaches and finding a way to a better future. There’s also an AI with feelings.

Once, I might have felt out of place, an unwelcome disturbance. But I had left my fear of ghosts behind like an old skin a long time ago, and what I had found instead was the unforeseen, and sometimes pure beauty.

[fan-tastic-fiction]

Fanfiction Author Profile Friday

This is the seventh interview in what I hope will be a long running series! I think people need to feel more connected to the brilliant authors behind their favorite fics, I also feel that fic authors need to be taken just as seriously as published authors and treated with respect and admiration in the same way. Making money should not be the only way to gain prestige! Some of the best peices of writing I’ve ever read have been fanfictions and they are often equal or superior to published stories. If you have a story or author recommendation, let me know! And if you have a question you’ve always wanted to ask your favorite author, message me and I’ll try to make it happen!

Pen name: The Moonmoth (fun fact: I shudder at the “The” every time I write it out. Thirteen-year-old me thought it made me sound very serious and mature, but thirteen-year-old me was Pretentious with a capital P!)

Age: 33? I think? I am at that stage where I have to count up from my date of birth D:

Is English your first language? No. At home, we talk in Baby

How long have you been writing? There’s a beautiful self-insert Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles story in a primary school exercise book that my parents have kept, from when I was about 5. I was kidnapped and the turtles came to rescue me. I like to think of that as the start of my writing career.

What do you think your strongest piece of writing has been? If we’re saying completed piece, it’s The Lady of the Gift. I think the story is tightly written, well-paced and plotted, and has lots of nice world-building. It’s also, to date, the longest thing I’ve ever written – as a slow writer, I take quite a bit of pride in that :)

http://archiveofourown.org/works/325083/chapters/523878

If we’re allowing WIPs, then it has to be The Soul Lies Down, which is possibly not at all well-paced or plotted since it keeps growing like a hydra, but has been so successful for me (so far) in terms of exercising The Craft that I feel like it’s brought me on a huge amount as a writer.

http://the-moonmoth.livejournal.com/200408.html

Your weakest? Well, I have (perhaps unwisely) uploaded fic to my AO3 account dating all the way back to 2004, so it’s a fair bet some of that is a little sketchier in quality than my more recent stuff…

What is your favorite website for posting your writing and why? In general it’s AO3 because it’s just so user friendly, but for Spuffy stuff, Elysian Fields is where the main action (read: comments) is.

What do you find most challenging about writing fanfiction in particular? The actual writing part! I have a six-month-old who, one could say, is occasionally healthy. The 5% of my day she doesn’t currently take up I spend eating or taking “me time” locked in the bathroom with the fan on (sometimes together)

In your opinion, what can the fanfiction community do to encourage fanfiction writers to continue their art? Cheer, cajole and bribe new writers to pick up their metaphorical pens and join the ranks of the obsessed. Once they’re in, it’s a drug – there’s no going back! Oh, and leave essay-length comments describing in detail what’s awesome about the fic, highlighting favourite lines and analysing the author’s clever allusions, symbolism and foreshadowing :D

What was your favorite review or comment? I’ve been very lucky over the years to have received some wonderful and often inspirational comments, but the one that springs to mind is the one that @yavannies left on The Lady of the Gift. It was the start of our friendship, which has lasted many years, changes of fandom, (very occasional!) differences of opinion, foul language, cross-continental moves, and child rearing.

What type of fanfiction do you enjoy reading? One of the wonderful things about fanfic is that you find yourself reading and enjoying genres you wouldn’t normally touch with a punt pole in the mainstream. For example, I fricking HATE zombies. HATE THEM. And yet one of the best fics I’ve read in recent years is Solstice’s “A Home at the End of the World” (linked below). So pinning it down is hard, but I suppose in vague terms it’d be something along the lines of anything well-written, with good characterisation that drives a compelling plot, a romance with a well-paced and believable arc for my OTP, and, yeah, teh hawt sex ;) Also, anything that works with fandom tropes is like catnip to me, whether it’s inverting them or gleefully and unabashedly running at them headlong, I LOVE that shit.

What are some of your favorite fanfictions or fanfiction authors?

Bearing in mind this is just some from two decades of voracious fic-reading.

Solstice, A Home at the End of the World http://dark-solace.org/elysian/viewstory.php?sid=4155 (I love Sol’s take on S4 Spike, and the domestic element as he’s forced into protecting Buffy’s family)

FlightsofFancy, Accursed http://dark-solace.org/elysian/viewstory.php?sid=4465 (this story is just plain beautiful, with delicious plot in an alternate S6, vivid prose, and a really refreshing take on spuffy)

St Ephiny, Ever Sun, Ever Moon http://dark-solace.org/elysian/viewstory.php?sid=4762 (I have some quibbles with the author’s style, but her storytelling hits me square in the id, mmph)

Rahirah/BarbC, The Barbverse http://archiveofourown.org/series/514 (Barb has, imo, the best take on Spike in the fandom, and plenty of incisive and witty insight into the rest of the cast. Her writing ticks every box for me, plot, characterisation, storytelling, pacing, and just all round craftswomanship in the construction of a good story. I envy and admire her skill in equal measure)

Bewildered (aka, my partner in grime), if I have to pick one then Restfield Irregulars, which I believe right down to my slippered feet she is writing just for me :D http://archiveofourown.org/works/9257948/chapters/20986136 (I have never laughed so much as I have reading, beta-ing and corresponding with Be, but underneath the funny, fluffy romance is a rich core of feeling and writerly skill that is easy to overlook but hard to pull off. And she gives woooonderful Buffy)

Yavannie, The First Day of Spring http://archiveofourown.org/works/966791/chapters/1897169 (Yav excels at subtle symbolism, subtext, and a lovely, spare writing style. This fic in particular is perfection)

Seperis, You’ll Get There in the End (It Just Takes a While) http://archiveofourown.org/works/20274 (this fic is basically pure, distilled fanfiction – it revels in its tropeyness and NC-17 rating with the original OTP, Spock/Kirk. Can’t count the number of times I’ve read it)

What are some major influences on your writing? That pretentious inner-thirteen-year-old :D No, okay. (Well, yes, but moving on). It’s a total cliche of course, but: life. I’ve reached an age now where quite a lot of Stuff has happened to me. Bad stuff, good stuff, passing the time of day stuff. The last five or so years have been particularly packed with stuff-ness, and so most of what I write is drawn from my experiences in some way. I am also very influenced by visual media, and I think it was @kimberlite8 who once pointed out to me that my writing is packed full of descriptions of body language, which I hadn’t noticed before, but yes, I see the scenes in my head like a film reel, and then try to describe what I’m seeing. And of course, the way I frame these mind-movies is shaped very much by the movies and TV that I watch.

Anything else you would like to tell people about yourself? I have a personal vendetta against phonetic spelling of accents. It makes my eyeballs bleed. I think it might be an allergy or something. One day, when I have some free time again, I’d love to take some poetry classes.

I would like to thank The Moonmoth so much for their time! They are one of my personal favorite fanfiction authors. I would like to encourage you to go and read their fanfiction! Remember to leave comments and kudos in support!

[jira-chii]

Reflection on Devotion

Hello my sister finally convinced me to watch a play-through of Devotion, a Taiwanese horror game with absolutely stellar visual storytelling.

I don't normally enjoy horror games but I made an exception for Devotion, because I had previously seen Detention (the other game by Red Candle), and I loved it. However it completely blew my mind how much better Devotion was, visually and conceptually. Like, I legit did not think they would have been able to top Detention. And they did. And it was so impressive I had to write about it. So here we are.

The first half of this post will be spoiler-free, because I definitely don't want to spoil this game. Unfortunately, Devotion was taken off Steam for (imo really dumb) political reasons but I highly recommend seeing a play-through of it or something, because I seriously want everyone to experience its story before reading this.

I have no qualms about spoiling Detention though so we'll start from there. (They're not really spoilers though, because it's been a while and I don't remember most of the details).

One of the things I remember loving about Detention was the integration of the school setting with the personal family setting. At one point we are suddenly dragged into a representation of the main character's house, making the fear feel uncomfortably close. I loved this because the game was now able to mix the “familiar” with the surreal, in an even more effective manner than with the school. Furthermore, it gave us new insights into the main character by showing us facets of their life from a new and more empathetic perspective.

And now we have a game completely “devoted” to this concept. Hooray.

Devotion (and Detention to a lesser extent), uses an unconventional type of horror in that it relies less on jump scares and shocking, gory scenarios, and more on atmosphere and a mysterious story. This subtle type of horror is more typically seen in Asian countries than Western ones, and the result is that immediately, it might not feel as heart-poundingly terrifying, but it leaves you with very disturbing thoughts, that get scarier the more you think about them, and don't leave your mind for a very, very long time.

I'm gonna say it now but Devotion is 10x more scary if you're an Asian with traditional family values, because the situations are so relatable.

The game revolves around a family of three. Using limited settings and a limited amount of characters, the storytelling feels compact yet at the same time is able to delve into multiple perspectives.

The other cool thing is that Devotion's horror is not an external, unknown threat. It is about a series of events, that permeate every aspect of gameplay, but by the end there are relatively few mysteries. That said, at one point it becomes very clear what happened. But we can't do anything about it. Which is terrifying and possibly all too relatable for some people.

There are waaay too many elements to analyse in this game, so I'm going to narrow it down by focusing on one idea, namely the one of Family. This also gives me a chance to talk about all three of my favourite scenes in the game:

The Arowana fish tank

The Storybook scene

Reducing stress with marbles

*SPOILERS* start here if it wasn't obvious.

The game's title screen shows the three main characters in a family portrait. Father and husband Du Feng Yu is a screenplay writer, his wife Gong Li Fang is a retired singer-turned movie actress, and their daughter Mei Xin wants to grow up to be a superstar just like mum.

The picture hangs above the living room sofa opposite the TV, and that space is like the embodiment of all the values of the dad, Feng Yu. Interestingly, this title screen image is taken from the perspective of Mei Xin's bedroom, and seems to mirror a scene in the game where she peeks at you from said bedroom.

Anyway my point is the title screen very clearly shows that family is the focus of the game. So I'm going to talk about each of the family members.

Mei Xin is definitely the character I relate to the most. She constantly pops up in the game, and is represented by a doll, which is the perfect symbol because even though she looks creepy to the player, she actually won't hurt you, and is more manipulated by the people around her than anything else.

Mei Xin is in fact powerless to do anything on her own, a concept which is taken to its literal limits in the fish tank scene where you actually have to press the buttons to make her move. From the arowana’s perspective, we see Mei Xin going about her day, revealing things to the fish she wouldn't dare reveal to her parents. As a fish in a tank, you also get a good feel for how trapped Mei Xin feels, being unable to go to school, and even being denied her promised trip to Alishan.

Mei Xin hates being in the house and she hates taking her medicine. It doesn't seem fair that she has to listen to her parents when they lied to her. She ends up dumping the medicine in the fish tank, and as we look up, we see the deadly pills slowly fall toward us. Unable to escape, the fish can only watch as death approaches, which is a metaphorical foreshadowing of Mei Xin's fate as well.

Can I also just mention, Feng Yu bought that fish to bring the family prosperity and fortune, so it's super ironic that Mei Xin was the one who killed it. It's a really neat metaphor for the relationship between the father and daughter. Feng Yu thinks spending more money will fix the family but materialistic goods could never be a substitute for real affection.

Mei Xin is probably the biggest victim in the feud between her father and mother. It is heartbreaking to see her inner thoughts in her journal. Though it is not explicitly stated, it is not hard to see how she herself might feel guilty about her parents’ fighting. After all, their financial situation is partly due to her father doing everything he can to cure her illness. I appreciate the marble scene in making Mei Xin's anxiety apparent. If you don't use the marbles to distract Mei Xin, huge mouths begin to overlap the screen and her vision becomes more chaotic, making it very obvious that the source of her stress is her parents fighting. Here I also have to commend the superb voice acting. Listening to the parents arguing in the background very near gave me PTSD as they sounded so similar to my own parents.

As mentioned before, it is ironic that, even though both parents are doing everything they can to help their daughter out of love and devotion, they don't realise the thing she truly needs is their physical presence. That's why the storybook scene absolutely killed me.

In a rare moment of genuine father-daughter interaction, we get to experience reading Mei Xin's favourite book. Literally. First of all, I love this scene because of the visuals. We go inside the storybook and the way they've created this huge change in tone is incredibly imaginative and a welcome break from the creepy apartment we've been trapped in the whole time. Perhaps in a similar way, this is how Mei Xin escapes her depressing reality too.

So on top of having nice visuals, and a semi- decent story, this scene is important because it actually shows Mei Xin and her father having quality time together. And it even emphasises their bond by having us experience the changes Mei Xin makes to the book as a result of the conversations she has with her father, which is really cute and sweet but also just the best way of showing why this book is her “favourite”. Towards the end, we find out the book's core message is about the love a daughter has for her father, and the lengths she will go to because of that love. Plus that extra touch with the tulips at the end is just breathtakingly beautiful, a huge contrast to almost everything else in this horror game.

I have heard a theory that the true meaning of devotion in this game isn't that of Feng Yu’s devotion to his daughter, but of Mei Xin's devotion to her father. The hint is in the lyrics of the song she performs, Lady of the Pier, which was also her mother's debut song. I guess that's the beauty of a title like this. There can be so many different interpretations and the creators really maximise the possibilities of each.

As an added bonus, Mei Xin means beautiful heart.

Gong Li Fang is probably the most underappreciated character in this game. I honestly have so much respect for her. It took courage to sacrifice everything she had built up to become a housewife and support the family. That's her devotion to her family. But when everything goes pear shaped suddenly everything also seems to conspire against her. The message she gets from her own mother is particularly scarring. Li Fang wants to leave the relationship but her mother tells her not to. Instead of supporting her own daughter's wellbeing, Li Fang's mother wants her to grin and bear it in order to save face. This was, of course, the norm in the 80s, but it is still painful to see a once highly successful woman struggle against the patriarchy.

Another scene that really gets me is the welcoming ceremony? I forget the name. There is a list we find, of strict instructions regarding the mountain load of things the wife had to prepare before guests arrived for what was essentially a housewarming party. Sometimes the superstitions really go overboard. Could you imagine going from a famous movie star to that? Li Fang is portrayed as a demon in the game, but honestly I don't blame her. Du thinks she is possessed, but truthfully he is just blind to what she really needs.

The elevator scene shows this best I think. Following what is possibly the most frightening chase scene in the entire game, we enter the elevator. As the doors close, Li Fang's demonic face has changed to one showing her loss and desperation, as she lays pitifully on the floor, watching helplessly as the doors close in her face. Maybe she was actually looking to us for help, but instead we ran from her.

As we stew alone uncomfortably with that knowledge in the claustrophobic space, we hear the radio. Li Fang has decided to return to her career. Naturally the radio announcer asks about this news in relation to how her husband reacted.

Coming out of the elevator, look behind and we see her in the moment she gathers the courage to leave. Her silhouette against the elevator light is ethereal and beautiful. Wearing the qi pao her husband hated, she walks step by elegant step away from the household that has caused her so much pain. Her stance implies she is defiant and confident, but of course that's because we never see her face.

Li Fang leaving has huge ramifications for the rest of the family, and I bet it definitely created a heap of problems for herself. Leaving her husband will basically be seen as a scandal and her career going forward is going to be rocky. Oh, also she'll probably be disowned by her family. Plus she never sees her daughter again. But in that moment I just felt so proud of her.

Du Feng Yu is the main perspective the story is told through. The core concept around him is blindness. Near the start of the game, graffitied onto the wall outside the apartment is a sentence: why are you closing your eyes? Incidentally, my sister at this moment was covering her eyes to avoid any jumpscares. I now know this message had a far deeper meaning.

The disjointed way Feng Yu sees things as he pieces together all the things in the past that culminated in the tragic present makes a great premise for horror. Things like people knocking on doors, hospital beds, sudden phone calls, and even a huge bath of red liquid are eventually all explained through the story.

In my opinion, psychological horror honestly makes for the best horror. It is eerily surreal when the realistic setting of the apartment is overlaid with mental representations of people and events. Even worse when they move.

The repetitive setting also means when we see something other than their apartment, it leaves a lasting impression. For me that was the bath scene, which became worse when I thought back after the end of the game and realised we basically experienced what Mei Xin did...

Each of the family members is tragic in their own way. Mei Xin because she dies without being able to do anything. Li Fang because she is forced to choose between herself and her family. And Feng Yu because he basically did the opposite to Li Fang. He continued to hurt himself, sacrificing himself financially and spiritually. He only wants the best for his child, but is unaware he's going about it the wrong way. He was too stubborn and self absorbed in his own worries to see the other factors tearing the family apart. And I don't blame him. It's not easy for him either. As the man of the house he is expected to hold it together. His wife gave up her career so he is the sole breadwinner. The pressure must be intense. The sad thing is situations like these are all too common.

Finally I kind of want to list some of the reasons I personally find this game so relatable. If you have zero interest in my life, feel free to skip the rest, and also thank you for reading up to now.

The size of the following list probably explains why the game resonated so strongly with me. I will admit first off that I am not Taiwanese and I have not been brought up in the most traditional Asian household. A lot of these similarities are also pure coincidences. That said, this kind of horror capitalises on the player’s familiarity with the setting, and I hope these vignettes of my own experiences help to convey just what that means for me. Because of course it’s terrifying when you realise just how similar your own family is to the main characters in a horror game. 

Devotion starts with the family portrait title screen. This probably isn’t a Asian-only thing but we also have one. It’s hung in the dining room. Asian families love taking family photos. There are even special studios just for it. I appreciate the game drawing a link to the importance of photos and memories using the camera. Incidentally, my dad also used to be a photographer. But he only knows how to use the old ones with film. Digital cameras sadden him.

All Asian kids play the piano. Unfortunately, unlike Mei Xin I have no fond memories of our piano at all. Barely anyone plays it now and it’s basically just a status symbol at this point (it’s a grand piano).

On that note, I would like to make it clear we are not a rich family, but Dad loves giving off the appearance that we are. Grand piano, chandelier, and most recently, a finger print scanner for our front door. What a waste of money, all for the sake of maintaining face. There could be a deeper meaning to it though. Dad immigrated from a very poor part of China, so when he got the opportunity he made sure nobody would ever look down on him again.

Like Feng Yu, lately Dad is not earning much money from work. This is actually because of age though. He does physical labour and nowadays he can't take on as much as he used to. Luckily mum and I still work. That said, dad does zero housework.

Dad’s spot is also the sofa in front of the TV. He also eats dinner there. Even though we have a dining room...

We have a fish tank. For the same reason Feng Yu bought one. Having nine goldfish is supposed to bring good fortune. Except ours kept dying. Dad just bought more. But now he’s moved on to raising tropical fish? Which are even harder to keep alive?? And are more expensive??? And yes they keep dying and he keeps buying more. Omg can you imagine how much the Arowana scene triggers me.

You may have noticed by now but Dad makes the worst decisions out of all of us. But he refuses to listen to the better judgement of all four women in this household.

Can we just talk a bit about Mei Xin’s dream to be a superstar? This is an interesting departure from the stereotypical mindset that all Asian parents want their kids to be doctors or lawyers. Mei Xin’s parents definitely still push her in a similar way though, taking her to professional singing classes and whatnot. I’m glad she had supportive parents, because my parents were also supportive when I decided to major in Japanese (basically every Chinese person in their generation hate the Japanese).

I’m sick all the damn time. Apparently my mother also had a fragile body.

My aunt is divorced, and she is religious (though not very serious about it), and involved in a pyramid scheme selling supplements :( I feel for her kids. She damn near involved us in the pyramid scheme too, but luckily mum has a brain. Since the divorce, my aunt has thrown all of herself into her work and that’s basically her whole life now. Unfortunately Du Feng Yu doesn’t get that luxury.

Mum and dad actually made a promise to never divorce, even though there’s never been any love between them. Dad was guilted into a wedding because he got her pregnant, and they had to live together to get permanent residency. In the past, dad had a divorce with another woman and it really had a negative impact on his kid then (my older half sister). You really get a feel for this in the later scenes of the game, where Mei Xin misses her mum. A divorce is really not good for a kid who’s still that young. That’s why dad is determined to keep the household together this time; it's literally their devotion to us, their children, that are keeping them together.

Writing this just made me realise my dad embodies the worst of both parental figures in this game. We still love him though.

That about wraps up all my thoughts regarding this game. It got a little personal near the end but I hope this post has conveyed why this game was so impactful to me. Asian representation in media always gets me excited and I really hope Red Candle recovers soon so I can look forward to their next game.