#and this isnt a confidence issue. its the truth. i will never be the way i want to be.

[0rph1x]

whoever said that the trans experience is beautiful was a fucking liar

[kidfoundonstreets]

okay uhm the scarf guy and the pigtsail guy from yttd . and charlotte and lime from wh. and uhhhhhhhhh anyone from cinderella game

head in hands HIAAIIEY HYEHEYEH HAII ROBIN <333!!! TAHNKYOU please know the opffer is pen for you anytime.. anywhere.. smooches your forehead okay so i like the pgistial and scarfie scarf guy because theyre so fcuked up ina ll of the ways. i like how they make me wanna throw up and shove my head inside a sewer while inhaling fanfiction of them like toxic gas. that aside the angst and to put it simply fucked up potential in their dynamic is what draws me to them, i enjoy how complex it could be - your abuser could love you but not in all the right ways, it could exist, shin and how they care about one another with the idealistic frankly obsessive posessive view midori has with him as well like the cut scene of him c rying over shin HELLOOO?? anyway theyre silly to me. guy who lives in your house is also your roomammte old friend bestie lover worst person you know etc jerk weird weird satrange weird. i could write a lot more if it was speciifc but im very bad with words sooaoaahahdhwh <3 oh and gore chalrtotoe and lime are also one of my fav dynamics yesss horrible yuri. chalrotte never wnating to give up on lime while lime has al;ready given up for any sort of proper undertsnaidng she craves bwteen them, heyre friends but one wants more while the other doesnt, it doesnt even have to eb romantic it just hurts because charlotte was all by herself or maybe just singled with the others apathy toward semotions so seeing lime full of emotion and passion and pain who could get chalrotte probably also ironically struck a chord in her - and shes always worried for her, like she might go too far, and when she does she just starts crying. thats the good shit. a hoepless ending a hopeless dynamic but they kiss sometimes in my brain to make it worse. perfect. that cinderlelal game ,, ,,,, !! oh god please dont stirke me here IM SO EMABRARSED i dont have any ships in that game so ill go on with that xoxoxoxoxooxox dorpelts one ive been playing ! i really like how with shiloh theres this fake "is this true is this not" with him, you never really know and thats what the fandom loves about him whcih i agree its an addicting type of thang, and even in the end its not completely clear. all we relaly get is that its sure at least that he does value jb at least a ltitle or see her as of value, as she does end up consistnetly vomplimented talked to and by his side through the end. he cant have a verison of hismelf that isnt manipulative, long gone, and you need to accept that. theyre awful divorce. i cant get enough of it. jbs overflowing confidence and shiloh right beside her like a dog with a knife, begging for any sort of scraps because hes a liar. a mnaipualtor. like jeoekr! or kokcichi . ezxcept hes actually good . can you imagine it. ironically hes probably the most untrustworthly one there becausre atleast the others say what theyre thinking. shiloh is a mixed bag and every word has at least a little bit of a truth and lie to it.

ut thats how they like eahcother and its fun interesting we arnet here for a long time we're here for a fun time for nate it givess a bit more of a genuine perspective, im not used to jb being comforitng or nice tbh lol. but its clear that they atleast fiteachother even if jb isnt the nicest one for him - i think shes the only one who can keep up with his intense moods and issues stacked on him and his rough exterior. hes honestly a pretty decent guy if you dont piss him off whcih is easy. closeness issues. commitment issues. nothing is ever stable issues. i get it bro. the thing with all of these dynamics in this game is that they do somehow in a hilariously awful way is complete eachother, i cant say if any of them will end well but its obvious that theres chemistry in all of their interactions and i love love love this game. anyway i also relaly liked how with nate you dont kiss him at all and instead get a hug at the ened, its nice compared to shiloh who just goes along with everything and how jb is pulled to his wants at times (while with shiloh shes the one ofc usually taking all of the lead while hes the jester) - i think it really digs in how much he trusts her to go that extreme and vomit-inducing lengths at the end because he wants their kiss to be perfect qnd it isnt perfect right now. but hes ready to keep going because of this stupid bitch (jb). and i find that super sweet

[easyas123abc]

while some factors of misinformation could perhaps be eliminated from llm's with better information, i do want to note that (and this id imo a negative thing about llms) creators absolutely do not have full control over how it operates and anyone trying to sell you that they can is lying to you. 'hallucinations, 'lying', neither describes why an llm is often wrong in the information they give correctly because *both* presume that llm's are diverging or going away from a known truth basis occasionally, and if we just feed it correct data then it will be more accurate to eventually be absolutely correct; but thats not how llm's work, or neural network/deep learning.

Basically, llm's dont have any concept of what truth is; they cant, and we cant teach any llm that because we dont know how llm's reason. No, really, llms are for the most part black boxes (in some ways all neural networks are); as the layers and connections get more complex, the ability to trace or parse the logic that a llm used to generate content disappears; i dont mean its unlikely to difficult, i mean it is impossible for us to know *why* it spit those words out in that order; we just know that feeding more data in can increase accuracy (but it also risks increasing overfitting, which is when a model adheres too closely to its training data and cant extrapolate for new situations or adapt) edit, and we can tweak the parameters to eliminate noise or increase performance; but we never know exactly how changes correlate to changes behind the mask; and for some functions, we don't need to

Traditional computer programming is deterministic, we can go through the source code if something goes wrong and debug, we can dig through step by step and, if worst comes to worst, reset the system to fix bugs. There is no debugging capability with machine learning because we functionally have made a machine equivalent of instinct; it uses complicated math and layers and nodes in a black box to crunch statistically likely answers, and the problem is that how we evaluate it doing well is by how much it triggers our pattern recognition; this isnt so much an issue with stuff like "recognize tumors on ct scans" or "categorize birds by species" because those are questions we can answer and train the model towards specifically, and dont rely on us thinking its realistic. However, llms are functionally instinct word salad; its really good at triggering the patterns that make us think its confident and it sounds human, and thats what it was developed towards; what ISNT okay is that tech bros and cultists are scamming people by claiming it can be generalized for any field, which is why were getting these issues; the technology is not trained towards telling the truth, but now companies think it can be an everymachine

So no, companies do NOT have full control over llm's, because this isnt the same as a computer program. Machine learning is a fascinating field and there's lots of useful applications for the different techniques and models coming out, but the problems is that fools and capitalists are misusing a technology to do what it wasnt meant to do, simply because they think they can fake it until they make it, or worse, because they can run with the money by the time anyone realizes. And that's why these implementations are irresponsible, not just because they're putting in functions that are misleading, but because they likely KNOW that they can't make it generalize to the extent they promised it would and are charging ahead in hopes of making us accept an inferior and dangerous product all to make an extra buck and avoid paying people.

(sidenote, thats why professors shouldnt trust any company's claims of being able to spot chat gpt generated essays or hw without going through it themselves for obvious signs; there isnt a reliable way to detect that kind of cheating because chat gpt does not operate on consistent logic, asking chat gpt if it wrote an essay is equivalent to shouting into a canyon a question and waiting for the echo and deciding what you heard from there)

And this is why you switch to DuckDuckGo. :/

[okkottsus]

PLS READ THIS, its important

i didnt want to have to make this post, but since it has come to this, here we go.

so one day a few weeks ago i woke up to a bunch of messages from people that someone, (who at that time i didn't even know the user or their blog), had claimed that i took gifs from them and recolored them. their ‘proof’ was that my gifs and theirs had the same ‘grain’ and ‘motion blur’ and therefore i had stolen them. naturally i was really shocked to have woken up to this and tried to prove my innocence to all these people, even talking FOR HOURS to prove i was not an elephant and that i make my own stuff. countless times i told these people i was willing to screen record myself while i edit to prove i make them myself. despite this, they said that they do believe i make my own edits so there would be no need for that, but still insisted that i took these specific gifs to add to my set. i even gave this person the benefit of the doubt admitting that my gifs did in fact look quite similar(i did use blur and sharpness in the gifs, nevertheless, since it had been a long time since i made that set i didnt remember the exact settings), but knowing my truth i have not stolen them. (sometime later i learnt from a friend that the gifs i 'stole' were from more than 2 years ago). 

a big issue i had was that they sent other ppl to talk to me on their behalf whilst not directly confronting me about this matter. other than the things i mentioned above, i really had no way to prove i was innocent at this stage. since they would not accept my reasons, i felt they werent willing to listen to my side of things and had already made up their minds long before they confronted me. this matter had already been spread amongst many people (and across a whole server i believe) and they had only reached out to me having made up their mind. i understand being protective of ur work, but the confidence with which they concluded i stole from them was so overbearing, i ended up getting angry. In retrospect, maybe i should have respected their feelings more, so in good faith and after much thought, i deleted the post that was the cause of all this, since its presence made them uncomfortable (this is a compromise on my part, but does not mean im going to admit to sth i havent done).

as one can imagine, this really took a toll on my mental health. it was such a shock to be accused of something i havent done, especially since tumblr has always been one of my safe spaces. out of the blue i was accused of something i have always spoken up against (reposting, stealing content) and no matter how much i tried to defend myself and tell myself i have nothing to hide, i was already noticing none of those people would be open minded and listen to anything i had to say. i thought i could keep creating as normal since i know my innocence and truth, but when some of my mutuals and friends started believing this person without a second thought, kicking me out of events and sideblogs without even talking to me about it, it made me absolutely devastated. (ofc i wont name anyone, since this isnt a call out post. i also chose to leave a certain blog and event on my own, cause i didnt feel safe being in that environment anymore, so pls dont assume).

The thing is, i really did not care if people i didn't even know believed these lies  about me, since i myself know im not guilty. but the fact that people i considered 'friends' didn't even bat an eyelash and very easily believed one side of the story rather than listen to both sides is what absolutely crushed me. after the incident, i decided to take a break from this site to see if i can get my confidence back. Now im starting to feel a bit better and ready to make this post. thanks to the support of people who have reached out and stood by me, i was able to become a lot more hopeful about returning to tumblr. I love love these people so much and they made me see who my true friends are.

moving on from negative situations has never been easy for me, but i’d like to try since its the new year and i still love this site. Creating is an enjoyable and relaxing hobby for me, so i really want to continue doing what i love. im aware that my creations are not be the best out there and im still learning, still trying to find my distinct unique style. but i just want to make it clear that i would NEVER steal from anyone. i have always tried to support as many creators as possible and i value everything that goes into creating, cause i know first hand how hard it can be(even tho i’ve only been editing since may). 

lastly i just want to say thank you if u read this far! this post is in no way a means to call out anyone or create drama, i just couldnt stay silent anymore, i needed to get this out and make my side of things clear. the people who accused me and those who believed them no longer affect me and i hope the same goes for them. you can choose to believe what you want and act accordingly, but I hope that, after reading this post and listening to my side of things, you can approach this situation with an open mind. I also hope tumblr can become a more positive place for creators again and that we dont tackle these issues the way this one was handled. since the tumblr community is so small already, i think we as creators should come together, rather than cause tension with each other.❤︎

i ask of u not to reblog this, just like it so i know u saw it pls, esp if we’re mutuals :)

[Just one more kinda unrelated thing: i’d like to apologise to those who had requested sth for the 1k celebration a while back, i was finished with all the requests, but i deleted everything during my dramatic outburst that day (🤡) and i dont feel like working on the same edits again after all this. I might do sth if i hit another milestone in the future tho, to make it up to u.]

[artreider]

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

[lilgurlwithcomplicatedfeels]

Emotions pt 2

This is the extension of when my sister moved out. We had a small group of friends who lived nearby, and we would visit them occasionally. Lets call these people "Family B" So we'd visit them every once in a while, and my sister would always chat with family B and very often go and sleepover with them. Remember, she was still struggling with depression. One day, my mom goes out with our grandma in london. She desperately needed a break, and little did I know. My sister had decided to go to a party against my mom's wishes. This party had boys, and possible drugs and drinks. This was after prom, my sister wasnt even graduated yet. My mom gets angry and texts my sister to go back home, and I'm at home with no idea what happened. The next morning my sister lets in Family B, and for some reason Family B decides to take us. My mother was terrified of what was happening, and was so mentally unstable at that moment. Family B said they weren't giving either me or my sister back. At the time I was 16, but I'd lived a sheltered life so I had no idea what exactly was happening. My sister was 18. Nearly graduating. I had no idea what was happening and just treated this trip as a sleepover, no idea why this was happening. While I was there at Family B's house with my sister, I started to get sick. I threw up and they were trying to give me medication that I'd never had before. I rejected their offer after trying one of their things. I just rested on the balcony, feeling pale as all hell. Exausted and very unwell, at the time I didn't know any of my choices. All I knew was "stay." While that was happening, my sister didn't even help me. She just patted my back in an uncomfortable way, in which I told her to just not to touch me. Then Family B told my sister and I that we'd have to go back. Or at least I would. I vollunteered to go back, telling my sister that she can stay. Her reaction to possibly going back was filled with anxiety and such. I packed my things again, feeling weaker than before. Pulling my backpack upstairs. I see my dad and something lifts me up, suddenly I feel like I have the energy to carry my bag properly. I had no idea what happened there, but i realized. I was supposed to be with my parents, not Family B. I put my bag into the car and sit in the back, noticing my mom in the front. Then she turns around, I'm shocked by the sheer amount of tears on her face. My steeled emotions turned to putty as I realized she wasnt even mad, she was just terrified. We spend most of the time home for a bit, and I'm mostly getting better with her. We talk alot while my sister is gone, and we realize we barely knew anything about each other. I keep going to school and keep feeling heart wrenched while seeing her on the bus. She cries, I cry. But the more I think about it, I did miss her. But the thing I hated was the fact that she took so much time away from me and my mom. She wanted all the attention and energy from my mom when she had none. Me on the other hand was happy with anything, I'd always be happy with even the smallest thing. Like candy bars or a card. I was easily satisfied, and that made it easier on my mom and dad. After my sister graduated, I spent most of my time with my mom. Chatting with her, and seeing her grow. The longer my sister was gone for, the more my mom grew into learning about trauma and how to handle it. She sometimes consulted me about the teachings she was recieving, and I would be able to explain the methods and how to go through with some of them. But most of all I was learning more about her, at that time she loved cooking. Then it turned to resolving trauma, and we looked towards therapy for my mom and sister. While Me, in the middle. I dealt with the frustration of seeing my sister just act like she's being judged too harshly. I just most of all communicated that I was the one watching most of the time, and the stupidest thing came out of my sister's mouth at that time. "You're not the watcher anymore, I wont let you be in the middle." HAH! I'm your sister and Mom's

kid. I will always be in the middle. Then she proceeded to get upset at mom for communicating with me. From which I responded with a small cry, "i want to know". Then she says I dont need to know. But I'd been shut down and left behind in the closet of living a sheltered life. I was much too sheltered and this was both my mom and sister's fault. But now my mom was revealing the truths to me, and I started to see more about reality. Its not easy at all, you have to make sure you get shit done or else you get evicted. You have to make sure you do things or else you'll not recieve legal money from the gov't. The more I talked with my mom and learned about what my sister said about me, the more I felt hurt. Yeah its fine if you told me face to face, but you said that to mom. Pushing her away from me as I moved along all alone with no one to confide to about my own familial issues. When she moved out. I don't know what exactly was going through my head, but I was suddenly completely against my sister coming back. I was paying for the place myself now, and I didnt want it anymore. As in I didn't want the tense feeling that my sister made whenever they came over. Of course, my sister just blamed it on my mom. Saying it's her who is making the air tense. But to be honest, both me and my mom just couldn't handle my sister being back. So the best thing for me and my mom, instinctually I knew. We had to cut her out of our lives. But my mom still held out hope that they would come back. Back to normal, but the more she tried. The more my sister just deteriorated. Now its just me and my mom, safe from anything my sister says now. My mom is finally telling my grandma to stop supporting my sister so she gets a taste of real life. So she understands how hard it is to live by themselves. Honestly they'll always be babied until they actually live on their own, without talking to any people. Just chores and saving money so they wouldn't have to worry about medical bills. But of course, ordering out is more important. Going to starbucks is more important, going to abandoned buildings is more important. Her friends were always more important. This is my goodbye. I refuse to help you in any way because you refused to help mom when she asked. When you came around, you'd lay around and let skittles(her service dog) Bark and affect Sully(mom's service dog) to bark as well. When skittles isnt around sully is perfect. He behaves and doesnt bark at all. Theres so much more I want to write but I'm scared to move forwards to those words, I myself am not ready to say the words left over in my head. So. Good bye, and have a nice life. I still love you but stay the hell away from me and my family.

[eyesofthesunflower]

hi!! can i ask why you didn't like ww 84? this isnt trying to be an attack or anything!! i just also didn't like it all that much and i wanna see if im just looking too deep into it and if anyone shares my reasons or not ;; hope you have a nice day!!

So like,,, I do have a lot a lot a LOT of thoughts on this movie. Honestly thank you for asking bc like I do WANT to go into it. You can totally drop into my messages if you want to keep talking about it! I would love to hear your thoughts too.

I harbor no ill will to anyone who enjoyed this movie. I just strongly dislike it.

Ultimate TLDR: I get what they were trying to do, they didn’t do it well.

Broad brushstrokes:

- So like number 1 issue is the racism. Plenty of people are going to go into that I’m sure but like, holy fuck. The treatment of people in the Middle East (with the missile scene especially). The use of black people as props for a moral center. Having your villain be a skeevy (and sexy) latino conman (I love Pedro Pascal as an actor but like they gave him a VERY stereotypical backstory and behavior for a latino character, and while it was clear his character was trying to pass as white, they still made him use an accent) while having no people of color as a positive leading role. I get that he was supposed to be a Trump allegory turned on its head by him being Latino but it still ended up being a downward punch. I can’t super speak to this as a white person but it definitely rubbed me the wrong way.

- Another major issue I have is Kristin Wigg’s character as a stereotypical ugly duckling narrative. Society has outgrown “glasses curly hair and modest clothes make you ugly” trope. Could have been resolved by Diana taking her under her wing at the end and teaching her real confidence or even a climactic moment in the final fight where she realizes she was always worth it. I did appreciate though that “woman gets called pretty for first time and attaches her worth to it and that’s bad” narrative bc relatable (as someone who was maliciously bullied for their looks) but this movie also frames harassment as positive attention (mechanism affirming she is hot now).

- Diana has no narrative arc. Her having to sacrifice her happiness over and over (which I think Steve lowkey rightly called her out for being so fixated) isn’t really resolved or touched on after it’s brought up. It’s also clear that she already valued truth before the story, so she doesn’t change there. Also it’s implied she hasn’t grown as a person in 60 years after Steve’s death, and even if she hasn’t they don’t do a very good job showing much grief.

- Diana grieves a man she knew for a few days to a monthish perhaps (not sure if travel is accounted for much in the first movie) with no consideration for her aunt who she also lost the day she met him.

- You never get to see Diana be a capable researcher beyond using her knowledge of Latin which is just her native language.

- Not to mention people handle artifacts with their bare hands in this movie.

- The exposition all feels convenient because it always comes right before it’s needed and you never see any work go into it. The whole narrative structure is bad and I could tell you exactly what I would have done different (shown Diana on an archaeological dig, or having some legitimate struggles in her life beyond “I’m choosing to isolate myself over a single man”)

- I’m happy to see a movie with color in it but it’s clear with some scenes they were trying and failing to show off (I hate the fireworks scene so much). Just so much bad editing.

- They set up a lot in this movie and just never actually truly brought it back around. Especially with the scene in Themyscera which was badass but POINTLESS. Like I get what they were trying to go for with the truth mattering but like, it wasn’t executed well. Also why set up that stuff with “the language of the gods I wonder who made this” and not GO INTO THAT I was excited for that potential plot line. The armor even was pointless.

- No sisterhood with the Amazons in a narrative of growing beyond self isolation. First movie was about independence so it makes sense they weren’t there. But Diana still ends up completely alone. The Amazons would have been great to help face this or literally any more women being involved in the story. The beginning doesn’t show her even being bonded with them then. They’re like almost pointless for the influence they have on her backstory.

- Seventy waves of feminism were trying to fight each other and none of them emerged. A movie with a female lead doesn’t have to be feminist but it’s clear they were trying to be, so like, it sucked that they didn’t execute a clear message at all.

- The fight scenes were all bad. I didn’t enjoy a single one. One was just fucking, cirque du soleil (sp?). Diana’s fighting style was also impractical and I get that even though she is Very Magic she trained with women who were magic but not As magic as her. There was this one sexy kick that just had no leverage. It made me cringe.

- Male gaze. Male gaze on Diana the whole time. Villain’s makeup can run but Diana will have perfect wings while she is crying.

- The MacGuffin was an inifinity stone. There I said it. Boo.

- Whole narrative structure bad. Just poorly organized. Lack of resolution for anything. There were a bunch stories involved and none received focus or resolve or expansion.

Those are the BROADEST brushstrokes. Thank you for asking :)

[sagittariusboyfriend]

im gonna do a "how i see the signs" as well!!

traditionally masculine aries: a force of creativity. oftentimes politically correct. very friendly and easy to talk to, but will shift in temper and energy depending on whether or not he is in focus. musically inclined.

traditionally feminine aries: also a force of creativity. a kind of jittery energy that cant really be contained. might go up and down in volume a lot depending on social context but is always bursting to have a conversation. very awake and with fire in her eyes. openminded and wouldnt hurt a fly. artistically inclined.

trad. masc taurus: ugh horrible. forcefully straight forward, blunt in an unsensitive way, not that good at picking up on social cues because he is convinced of his reality. might be pompous and pretentious, even bitter. the flip side of venusian traits - pretty uncharming. snarky. way better at group/professional relationships than personal relationships. assertive in the workplace and is doing his job better than anyone else could.

trad. fem taurus: intelligent and an intellectual. sensual, assertive, has such a presence that people are in awe most of the time. might be pretentious but its actually genuine and doesnt come off as a negative trait. powerful.

trad. masc gemini: ahh gemini. witty, quick, reactive. genuine, but in short bursts. his intuition is based upon HOW he feels at any given moment, however he has no clue WHAT he feels. scared of emotions. might have a tendency to gaslight. obviously prone to communication and loves learning from history, but has a hard time seeing the bigger picture over the details. small things make or break him... for a week or so. then its forgotten, until something stirs it up 6 months later, and his emotions are all over the place; its like they get tossed up in the air and love might stick to the ceiling and pride to the wall and fear to that person over there and he has no idea where to start to assemble. charmingly childish, prone to grumpyness. social artisan regardless of controversial values or not. needs constant intellectual stimuli.

trad. fem gemini: does not need romantic relationships to feel like a complete person! prefers friendships over love relationships, and can usually pick and choose between lovers if on a romantic whim. not always even interested in shacking up with anyone, makes a happy independent single household. that "fun" friend. self-confident, quick, witty, might have a sharp tongue. absolutely excels in social situations and knows everyone in one way or another, and everyone knows of her in one way or another. prone to ghosting people for weeks because she simply forgets to respond. loses focus easily. probably works in sales. might come across as not so complex to other people.

trad. masc cancer: sweet, charming in a wholesome way. in tune with himself. intuitive and embraces and encourages talking about feelings. oftentimes very politically correct. might live somewhat of a fake life in the sense that he IS a family man, but cant help himself from wanting dirty, promiscuous sex for many hours with many random people. giving and generous - in every sense. probably does a lot of philantrophy or volonteers.

trad. fem cancer: reserved. exudes feminine energy, almost to a point that she is not comfortable with herself. very very sweet, just wants everyone to be okay. will disappear and reappear in social circles and no one will know where she has been, but theres an air of mystery to it and no one dares to ask. might be some kind of red preistess lol.

trad. masc leo: loyal, as long as he doesnt feel in the slightest that he has been made a fool of. very strong integrity, but an integrity that is based on image. easily approached, the nicest person in the room and will include and respect everyone. generous and genuinely loves anyone who does not come off as harmful, and will give you his last money if he feels you need it more. works hard to feel safe. creative in what he thinks is a funky way, but its actually pretty mainstream.

trad. fem leo: also honest, hard-working and loyal. integrity is also important. creative in traditionally artistic ways, like photography or drawing. has a natural authority but is the sweetest person and will NOT abuse it. very passionate about peoples equal value, doesnt really have a flare for drama at all, just wants to be stimulated. when she loves she loves with every fiber of her being and being affirmed by her partner is imperative to self-worth.

trad. masc virgo: retains information like a motherfucker! man, what a chattery bloke. an earth sign ruled by mercury makes the most, i think, well-rounded PR personality. gemini can frick off when it comes to arguments because trad. masc virgo WILL shut you down. he serves facts and will probably be a tad manipulative about it, but will also admit to it. doesnt really wait to run you over or quip back, and then just stares at you blankly as if he is waiting for a response. witty and warm like a sun to his closest, will make jabs and is cold like granite to people he doesnt like. might however have some ego issues.

trad. fem virgo: pretty much exactly like trad. masc virgo, only retains a certain jovial energy and a strong sense of nurturing and dicipline. very funny! authoritarian.

trad. masc libra: might come across as very calm and even meek at times. everyone likes him, no one dislikes him, but he isnt a big personality. nice and sweet and always positive. comfortable in the background as the glue that keeps groups together. not very verbally communicative, but ingenious when he channels his communication through music or art. wants to be appreciated and very much is. pretty private, but everyones friend.

trad. fem libra: full of the good venusian traits. loves love, loves good food, loves yoga, loves pampering herself and others. the best hostess you have ever met. has a hard time deciding on things and will make herself suffer through qualms and trials for days for something that, for anyone else, could have been decided within a couple of minutes. somewhat of a perfectionist. spiritual. gets along with everyone. very into female impowerment.

trad. masc scorpio: kind of rude, but smart. he doesnt know where it comes from, but his subconscious intuition oftentimes leads him to hidden truths, whether they are pleasant or not. might be the jealous type. can just trust his gut and will know exactly what is going on behind closed doors. intelligent in a very abstract way. might come across as always ready to strike just in case someone thinks they are better than him in any way.

trad. fem scorpio: does not show emotion easily. is very intelligent and knows how to lead a conversation where she wants it. inquisitive, literally opens her entire mind for you when you sit down one-on-one. not for anyone to enter, but for her to use ON you, and will analyze your behaviors to the core and dig around in there. make you see things from perspectives youve never even thought about. this could be used for bad, but usually its used for your own good because insight and truth, darkness into light is what she is after. intense. low key passionate. a great person to brainstorm with. excudes sultryness, but almost like a perfume, an illusion, mostly because people become so mesmerized with her psychological skill that they immediately figure she is coming on to them. powerful socially. doesnt want nor need drama, the quest for truth just gets ruthless sometimes. loyal if you dont mess with her integrity. unlike leo, her integrity is based on conscious and subconscious intuition. not into practical things in general. does not care for high morals.

trad. masc sagittarius: good at everything on the first try but gets bored easily, even depressed when forced into routine. diplomacy is important, so is personal freedom. a charismatic positive personality that shines bright and has an almost gravitational pull because of it. wants to be valued for his brain and generosity of free, non-traditional love and insight. learning is everything. the bigger picture is everything; abstract concepts that you can translate and cross-reference to different doctrines and schools and philosophies. on an eternal quest for knowledge in all situations, be it emotional or practical. "why do things work like this?" he asks and is genuinely excited to hear your and everyone elses reasoning. his goal in life is to get to know himself through others and to find firey partners to come along for the ride and share the fun. loathes drama, wants everyone to be accepting. optimistic. might be the guy many fall in love with but who is completely oblivious to it because he has his mind set on other things.

trad. fem sagittarius: very much like trad. masc sagittarius. also fierce, takes no shit, the life of the party, everyones instant friend and a BIG personality. equality is very important!

trad. masc capricorn: attractive, cold, sexual. on the grind, because everything works against him either way so he might as well work hard and overcome. dry humor and a smug smile, vicious eyes. but tender and fragile once you get to know him. so used to being the underdog in his own head that he hasnt realized everyone sees him as the leader. doesnt realize people follow him. doesnt care. is just and stern. is not afraid of delivering harsh truths, can shut you down with a look.

trad. fem capricorn: leads with silence. not because of shyness at all, its just a demeanor that comes naturally. although may have been shy when young, simply because of society. exudes power, unknowingly or knowlingly. intimidating and stylish as fuck. eloquent. uniformity is a keyword for everything. has learnt the hard way. hilarious dark humor. prefers respect to spectacle. is a force to be reckoned with and gains pretty much everyones respect.

trad. masc aquarius: might have a hard time deciding about personal freedom, what is and what isnt. contemplative, insightful, the least traditional of traditional men. high EQ, might prefer polyamorous relationships, almost lacks jealousy. tall and slender. very much capable of seeing through all points of view and will speak rationally. rarely gets heated in discussion because he just doesnt see the point in being reactive.

trad. fem aquarius: a higher being. high octave intuition; the person with the highest EQ youve ever met in your life. new insights with every breath. does NOT care for tradition, usually only indulges in the bare minimum of tradition to move about unnoticed in society as the penultimate alien being they are. she has an entirely different kind of mind that seems so complex and effortless at the same time, and her knowledge and ingenuity could change the world - if it was only ready for it. finds solutions to everything. altruistic. optimistic. so wise and so rebelliously young at the same time. manages to care for everyone and everything all the time. truly wondrous.

trad. masc pisces: an academic. a sensitive guy. highly philosophical, in its scholastic form. makes a good teacher of abstract concepts. always searching within himself first before speaking. interested in history and the human mind. constantly battles with feelings of not being good enough but always comes out as more and better than expected. probably very introvert.

trad. fem pisces: witchy. dreamy. some kind of seer. needs quite some time to process emotional impacts. has a tendency to mimick peoples traits and quirks without knowing it. very emotional, highly sensitive. very impressionable. open to and thirsty for new ways to make sense of all these emotional impacts, but might change ideologies and/or trim her sails to the current wind. conflicting subconscious emotional forces at play all the time which leads to a lot of self-doubt. not necessarily introvert, but introspective.

[chimcharstar]

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

[pinkykitten]

Get Away From Her

13 Reasons Why

Zach Dempsey x female! reader

Warning: some cursing, sexual assault, marijuana, alcohol, fighting, blood

Specifics: high school, fighting, man vs man, fluff, comedy, race neutral reader

People: Zach Dempsey, you, Sheri Holland, Clay Jensen, Jeff Atkins, Bryce Walker

Words: 2,135

Summary: Bryce gets a little too comfortable with you, very handsy. He tries to get you alone but Zach is there and he doesn’t like what he is seeing. Zach does everything in his power to protect you.

Authors Note: aghhhh this is my first time writing for 13 r.w. and i luv it!!!! so just a couple of things, i do not curse in real life so the cursing in here looks like this s***. i am just too much of a cinnamon roll and i dont curse. also another thing is to me jeff never died #jeffstilldeservedbetter so he is alive in this. ALL HE HAD WAS A CAR ACCIDENT HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND RECOVERED INEEDTHISINMYLIFECAUSEILUVHIMSOMUCH!!! this deals with a lot of stuff so if this just isnt for u to read then pls skip on. anyways my sis luv zach pretty much anything that has to do with ross butler lol. hope u guys like, pls feedback y’all!

“C’mon y/n we’re gonna be late,” Sheri called waiting for you outside the bathroom.

 She had asked you to help her study for a history exam you both had coming up. Of course, you being the sweetheart you accepted her request. Unknown to you though she actually wanted to get you to the party at Bryce’s house. Her excuse was, “girl, I’ve seen the way you look at Zach and its time you do something about this love crush.”

So in the bathroom you struggled to put on a dress she let you borrow.��

As you opened the door you looked down not wanting to see the emotion in Sheri’s eyes, “Sheri this is waaaaayyyyy too short for me. I can’t wear dresses that almost go to my sugar land, especially at a party where there are a ton of horny boys.”

“Y/n, trust me you’ll be fine. I’ll keep on the watch for you, checking up on those horny boys. Plus, you look fantastic and thats what we want, right? Zach maybe can reach that sugar land tonight,” Sheri joked.

You slapped her playfully and grabbed your bag. Sheri said she would watch out for you, but that night was a night you thought maybe going to this party was a mistake.  

As you and Sheri walked up the driveway to Bryce’s party a couple of boys ran in front of you both. Acting silly, and of course it was evident that they were drunk. Your stomach was turning and in the back of your mind you questioned whether this was such a good idea.

Sheri noticed your nervousness and grabbed your arm, “hey y/n, look just have one drink for me, then I promise I’ll take you home. Deal?”

You glanced around the house, straightened your back, put on your big girl panties on and strutted inside the house. You were going to own this night. 

As you searched around the room you noticed some familiar faces from school and some new ones.

“Wow y/n, I’m surprised to see you here. I didn’t know you come to parties,” your friend from Liberty High, Clay Jensen said.

You chuckled, “I didn’t know you come to these dumb things either. Plus I was forced to go.” You pointed to Sheri who was drinking already and laughing with a group of girls. “History exam.”

Clay nodded and said his goodbyes. Great, now what were you supposed to do. You looked like an idiot, just standing near the wall by yourself. That was when you saw in the distance the tall Zach Dempsey. 

“Oh my god y/n, avoid eye contact at all cost. If he doesn’t catch you staring like all those other times he won’t come over here,” you thought to yourself. You looked to the side at some fake, odd, looking plant. Your mistake was you thought Zach was gone but when you went back to look at him he was still there! And his attention was on you. 

“Oh sweet jesus,” you prayed aloud. You thought maybe you should pretend to talk on the phone but as you rummaged through your purse you realized you forgot the dang thing.

“Hey y/n,” a voice called from above you. 

“If only that was god,” you thought in your head. “Heyyyyyy Zach. What brings you here?”

“Well its a party...so.”

Your eyes were opened wide and you plastered on this anxious, nervous, fake smile. All truthfulness you looked like you just peed your pants. 

“Are you okay y/n?”

“Me? Oh yeah,” you waved his concern off, “I’m fine. Just not the party type. I just came here for a friend I’m helping Sheri study for her history exam.”

“Yeah I saw you came in with Sheri. By the way you look amazing in that dress. Your like the best dressed in the whole house.”

“Thanks,” you said awkwardly pulling down the fabric. “I mean its not mine, its Sheri’s, but you think its too much? I mean its just a party and I came all dolled up when everyone is either wearing jeans or skirts.”

“No! I mean no, I think you look perfect.”

You smiled all flustered at his compliments. 

“Hey listen y/n if ever you want to-”

“Whats up bro and...y/n l/n? Wow didn’t think I’d ever catch you here.”

Bryce, Bryce Walker (lol i feel like veronica in heathers)

“Me neither,” you said trying to get out of the conversation. Rumors have spread like fire about Bryce, he was a trouble maker. You did not need that right now, actually how about never. 

“Man, y/n you clean yourself up pretty good. I’m so used to seeing you all covered and a good girl. Now you look pretty bad,” Bryce winked at you while licking his lips.

“I kinda regret wearing this dress now,” you muttered under your breath. 

Zach was getting angrier and angrier by the minute. He saw how much Bryce was making you uncomfortable and he just would not quit. 

“Well, y/n, how bout I show you a good ti-,” Bryce had started to say but you interrupted him with a shriek.

“Oh my god Laura! Whats up cous (cousin)? No I’ll go to you,” you shouted from across the room. 

Zach and Bryce’s attention was to where you were pointing and yelling. 

“I’m sorry guys to cut the talk short but who would of known my cousin is here. Well, I’ll get to you guys later gotta say hi to her or else I am gonna have some family issues,” you faked laugh.

You did erupt a real laugh though as you left because you didn’t have a cousin here. You just made that up to get the heck out of that conversation! You let go of the breath you had contained inside of you. 

Deciding to at least try to enjoy yourself, you grabbed a drink and raised it up to Sheri who was far away. Sheri smiled and clapped, mouthing “good for you.” 

“Y/n just take one drink and then you can get the h*** out of here,” you said aloud.

Your stomach started to grumble so you grab a chip and dip it into salsa. You put the whole thing in your mouth. 

“Don’t!”

You turn around to see Jeff Atkins (rip😭) , the sayings were true, he was handsome. You almost choke on your chip at his presence. 

“Atkins! Boy you scared the crap out of me,” you exclaimed.

Jeff just giggled, “I’m sorry y/n.”

You shook yourself and regained your composure, “anyways, why did you say don’t?”

“That salsa had marijuana in it, I mean I’m not gonna judge or anything but that s**** strong. So just be careful.”

Your eyes almost bugged out of your head. You put the salsa and chip down and tried to take the left overs out of your mouth.

“I saw you checkin out Zach.”

“Oh my god you too! What is it with people being interested with who I like and don’t? It’s like everyone wants to know!”

“Go after him,” Jeff said leaning against the counter. 

“What?”

Jeff gets closer, “hey I’m no matchmaker but, I can tell he likes you trust me I’m a guy. I know. Just go back to him and talk. Its better to talk outside so nobody can disturb you,” Jeff wiggled his eyebrows.

“First of all Jeff ewww, no, me and Zach are not doing the do. I just have a crush on him! Can it be that before we make it into teen mom. Second, you say you’re no matchmaker but you sure as h*** always try to be one. Third, I tried to talk to him and I get so nervous I sweat like a waterfall under my armpits! And fourth of all what do you know about girls?”

Jeff just shrugged, “trust me y/n. My advice will come handy one day. One day.”

You shook your head, “silly.”

Again, alone you stood by the drinks. You downed the last of the liquid and had the urge to use the bathroom. As you go to there, you see there is not a soul in sight.

“Finally, peace and quiet. I mean who would gather around and talk around the bathroom, thats just gross.”

As you opened the door to the restrooms you felt a hand on the lower part of your back. You quickly snap in the direction of the hand and see that it is Bryce. 

“H-hey dude,” you said trying to sound confident and not frightened. 

“Hey y/n. I wanted to finish what I started earlier. That dress it just makes the animal come out of me,” Bryce’s hands were roaming all over your body. 

“Animals, I love animals. Why don’t we talk about some, like whats your favorite?”

“I much rather do this to you,” Bryce wore a smirk the whole way through. “You’re so sexy y/n, especially in this dress. How about I take it off of you?”

“Bryce quit it!” You were starting to panic. You tried to pry him off you but he was too strong. You did not want this, Sheri said she would protect you, watch out for you. “Bryce stop it!” But Bryce would not. Instead, every time you said something he would become more handsy. 

“I know you want this y/n. You’re just urging for me to be inside you,” he whispered in your ear, biting your earlobe. Then he grabbed your face harshly to kiss you. 

Your face squirmed in disgust, you tried to kick him in the groin but he grabbed your leg. This was it you were going to be raped on this day. Tears started to form in your eyes. You were scared no terrified at this moment. After he finished making out with you, he zipped down his pants. 

Bryce kept you in a death grip. “Someone please help me! Sheri, Jeff, Zach, Clay, someone please help,” you cried in horror. 

Bryce lifted your dress up and you were sobbing and asking him to stop. Just as Bryce was about to pull down his pants Zach came to view.

Zach’s eyes widened in shock. “Dude what the f*** are you doing to her?”

“C’mon Zack were just having a little fun. Right y/n?”

You shook your head into a no, tears staining your cheeks. “Bryce tried to rape me! You pig!”

“Bryce let her go,” Zach barked out. 

Bryce then grabbed your butt with a smirk and massaged it. Everything went so quickly. Zach lunged for Bryce and Bryce let go of you. Zach punched Bryce’s stomach while Bryce tried to elbow Zach’s face.

Zach tackled Bryce down, Zach on top, started pounding and smashing Bryce’s face. Zach’s face was red of anger. He was so irate and so mad, that all he could do was scream and say “leave her alone.”

All you could do was stand, the moments before this fighting were still fresh in your mind. It replayed like a movie. You looked down at your hands and they were shaking. “Zach please stop!”

You knew Bryce was the golden child of the school, heck the whole neighborhood. If they saw what Zach did to Bryce Zach would have consequences even if he did what was right. Zach would get blamed. 

“Please, Zach stop.”

Zach stood up harshly and looked at your face. He looked as if he could almost cry. Bryce laid on the ground moaning and groaning in pain. Blood spilling from his nose and the cut on his lips. His eyes starting to become swollen. 

Zach ran to you and hugged you, “I’m so sorry y/n I wasn’t here earlier.”

“No you came just in time. Thank you Zach.”

Clay and many other kids came to see what was all the commotion. 

Well you took Jeff’s advice. You led Zach outside to talk to him about the matter. 

“I just wanted to say Zach, thank you.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I should of been there by your side, I should of known what would-”

“Zach! Stop! You could not have done anything more than what you did. And even if Bryce would of done that detestable thing I still would like you.”

You quickly place your palm on your mouth. Did you just say that out loud?

“You like me,” Zach questioned. 

You sheepishly looked down, then grabbed his much more bigger hand in yours, “yes Zach I do.”

Zach looked at you with an overjoyed expression. He inched closer to you putting his hoodie on your back. He gave you a toothy grin, squeezing your hand a little. 

“Hey you maybe wanna go hang out some time? I also need help on studying my history exam.”

You laughed and nodded, “I’d really like that.”

[tumblunni]

Brainstorming about my yokai watch ocs: Dimmy and Gorgeous Ambassador, the most cutest family

* My Dimmy's name is Blythe and they are nonbinary. Gorgeous Ambassador is male and i dont have a name for him yet. I was thinking maybe try and make up a dub name for kageusuo (anime exclusive pre evolution) that sounds like it could have been his nickname as a human? Cos his story is that he used to be a wandering mercenary in ye olde ninja times, i feel like itd be fitting.

* Blythe is the main partner of my protagonist in my yokai watch lp, basically the jibanyan of the anime of my heart. Their personality is mostly similar to the Dimmy in the anime, but i feel like theyre maybe older and more powerful than the average Dimmy? Like a weak low evolution yokai thats stayed unevolved for centuries and is actually more skilled and world weary than you'd assume. Protag just got lucky that she bumped into this one super magikarp, lol! Also i like to draw them looking more teenage age by just taking the regular Dimmy design and making the tail extra super long. They stand roughly twice as tall as the protagonist and can wrap around her shoulders like a scarf :3 Blythe is however totally unaware of their super powerful mega skill and is very self depreciating and low confidence. But Mallory totally sees them as a cool older sibling mentor figure and is always trying to figure out ways to make their tol squiggle friend feel included and valued :3

* the way Gorgeous Ambassador comes into the picture is that he was actually the same sort of figure to Blythe! Back in the ninja era Blythe was partners with another human, but he passed away in tragic circumstances and it led to their current depressed self. However he actually reincarnated as a yokai and has been trying to find his lil sibling ever since! I feel like he was a failure samurai who tried to protect people but was so weak he never could. And he was always broke and starving and begging to do any sort of miscellaneous jobs for anyone or even let them punch him in the stomach for a few coins. And he had just as much self confidence issues as Blythe but he coped with it by becoming a compulsive liar instead, always boasting and trying to sell himself as some legendary hero to keep from facing the truth. Since Blythe was a cute lil babby yokai at the time, they always believed their human master's tall tales and looked up to him, which made him feel really guilty and try harder to work on becoming someone this kid could be genuinely proud of.

* Blythe was first born as a household spirit. Cos i was thinking about what Dimmy would be before it became a ninja, since the medallium description says it 'got a job as a ninja to put its powers to use', so like it isnt really a ninja yokai but just a yokai thats a ninja? I guess?? I figured that the idea of being an invisible shadow supporter fit with household spirits/domovoi/zakishi warishi (probably mispelled that) and the various other similar creatures in mythologies all over the world. Just the idea that theres some sort of being that protects your house and if you give it offerings and take good care of the place it will protect you and your family. So yeah its my headcanon that thats how Dimmys are born, and that theres probably many variants wearing different outfits inspired by whatever type of humans they guarded. Tho yeh ninja is a job that works really well with their abilities so it makes sense itd be the primary representative of the species in the games.

* Human-dude-who-would-become-gorgeous-ambassador first met Blythe when one of his various failed attempts to get a job happened to cross paths with the family Blythe was guarding. This family didnt believe in such old suspicions and never gave offerings to their household spirit, so it stayed small and weak and was almost fading away. Baby blythe didnt know why their humans didnt love them, even though they tried so hard to bring good luck and clean the fireplace and stuff. So they felt a sense of kinship with this poor failure samurai who was begging for food on their doorstep. The humans of the household spat in his face and turned him away empty handed, but the tiny yokai snuck some rice from the pantry and gave it to him. They were surprised that he was able to see them, and he gave them the first thank you they'd ever had!

* Addendum note: i feel like gorgeous samurai was cursed with being able to see yokai from a young age and its part of whay made him so determined to become strong enough to protect people. Perhaps his biological family was killed by an evil yokai and nobody ever believed what he saw? And he wandered japan trying to save other people and always failing and being blamed for what happened, since nobody could see the real culprit. This reputation of being a liar when he wasnt = he ended up actually lying about how he was totally fine and not sad and also great and not hating himself. Its not really something he can control anymore, its like a stress response and it keeps getting him in trouble but he cant stop. "Yes sure i can save the day, i'm awesome!" only makes things worse when he inevitably loses again, whic only makes his self confidence worse and traps him further in the lies...

* so anyway, he became friends with this lil babby yokai and kept coming back to visit them and tell more tall tales of his grand adventures. And eventually he managed to help Blythe come out of their shell a little and agree to leave this house where they were only fading away. Haunting him instead, the lil shadow soon flourished back to full health from being loved for the first time. And their new big bro would always give them the biggest share of all the food even when he was starving, and always wasted his money buying things for them, and knitted them lil scarfs and just HE WAS A GOODEST BIG BRO! They also made a great team, and he was finally able to fight evil yokai with a yokai of his own helping him out. Things were good for a few years!

* Eventually though, they faced a foe too strong for them to defeat. (Not sure yet who it is, cos it could be cool if they faced it again in the present day for a rematch?) Blythe's human friend ran into a burning building to save the people being attacked by this yokai, but because he was already gravely injured he didnt manage to make it out in time. And blythe was just a tiny bab who wasnt strong enough to carry his unconcious body to safety. So their last memories of him are of crying and begging him to wake up as the house fell apart all around them, and eventually the flames swallowed him up. the tiny yokai just ran and ran away from their shame, and never saw an ashy figure rising from the ruins and calling their name...

* eventually after years of struggling alone and lacking meaning in life, Blythe had a chance meeting with our protagonist and thus begins my yokai watch 1 lets play! At the same time their yokaified big bro is still out there searching for them, and maybe one day theyll meet again...

* also i wanna go with the pre-evo the anime added of Gorgeous Ambassador evolving from a sad depressed vampire lookin dude. Even if the whole circumstances here are vastly different! But we dont really have any info on what kageusuo's powers or stats would be, so i guess i'm free to mess around with that? I like the idea of it being vampiric just cos i feel it looks like that. But instead of drinking blood maybe its a hunger for shadows? Which is actually beneficial to humans and makes them less overshadowed aka the opposite of Dimmy's power. So if you ever feel that you're radiating charisma with perhaps a slightly lighter shadow, maybe youve been inspirited by this guy! And then the evolution into Gorgeous Ambassador doesnt actually change anything at all, except just looking more fashionable and confident (which is absolutely a lie). His power already made people more fabulous while being unable to affect himself, he just worked a bit harder on himself to try and catch up with everyone else. Self care vampire!

* oh and in this interpretation the way that kageusuo would be integrated into the gameplay is that Gorgeous Ambassador would get a new ability that lets him switch forms in battle, rather than it being a separate yokai. (Tho would still have a separate entry in the medallium just for conveinience of being able to view both character models whenever you want) Stuff that causes low confidence would make him poof between forms, and itd just be something like more attack based vs defense based, or maybe having two separate personality stats so its like his AI is slightly more versatile than the usual frustratingness of most yokai? Srsly im still so annoyed at so many yokai that have two mutually exclusive moves and the ai is stupid about using them at the wrong time to cancel each other out. Like how Dimmy can be given the AI personality to focus on attacking and thus take advantage of its auto-skill to be good at dodging aka a glass cannon. BUT also one of its skills gives that same status to an ally instead, which by definition takes it away from itself cos 'dont target this other guy' means there arent many other options. So you cpuld alternatively play dimmy as a supporter who exclusively protects others with that ability BUT the annoying part is that even when you set an AI profile to one particular move it still only makes it LIKELY to do that and not guaranteed. So every now and again your attacking dimmy will cancel its own buff to protect an enemy, or your supporting dimmy will forget to support abd instead buff itself despite not having the attack stat build to take advantage of it. Plus you cant have both and switch between modes mid battle, so thatd be REALLY useful if one yokai actually could do that, and also could change stats to fit! Im not sure how to give it a trigger condition thatd let you sorta change at will but also not be 100% easy and overpowered. I was thinking tying it to his confidence could mean missed attacks turn him into kageusuo and critical hits turn into gorgeous? But thatd be TOO uncontrollable...

* oh actually i think maybe i'll nickname him Amber! Just cos my brain just mispronounced gorgeous ambassador and It Kinda Works??? Also its a kind of name that sounds very pretty but also has connotations of gentle shyness, i think. Matches the duality of his fake boastfulness vs his true self doubt.

* Oh and i also thought of maybe having Blythe evolve into Casanono, even though you cant do that in canon. I feel like turning into a pretty humanoid would be a good way to symbolize their growing confidence ans casanono/casanuva has a big nonbinary aesthetic in my opinion. Plus of course the fact casanono is a variabt of a confident yokai thats actyally shy. Originally older brother dude was gonna be a casanuva to match, until i heard about Gorgerous Ambassador and decided it fits him better (especially with that new anime form!) So now im thinking maybe have Blythe be both casanono and casanuva at once, similar to their bro's form switching? But itd be more like casanuva is a rare super saiyan esque powerup when they experience rare moments of confidence. Im pretty much just doing this because SADLY casanono is a joke character who is literally mechanically forced to be useless in battle. Its ability makes it harder to catch yokai which ia already goddamn difficult, and it wastes a skill slot too. As opposed to Dimmy who has a similar personality of always being ignored and depressed but its abilities are actually beneficial. Itd suck to go from Blythe being my mvp to being unable to use them at all, so this would be a way to still always draw them as casanono in comics to match their actual personality, but using casanuva in battle cos.. Well.. Yeah its the functional one of the two. Level-5 if youre listening please make casanono useable in future games!! Casanuva is absolutely the worst one personality wise so it sucks that the game agrees with his ego that he's great and also punches his depressed counterpart into the bin of ignoreness DESPITE BEING SUPER SYMPATHETIC AND RELATEABLE AND ALSO CUTER COLOURSCHEME

Anyway thats all the thoughts i have so far. Except oh also itd be funny if throughout the whole story blythe keeps talking about their dead brother as if he was the super best most serious hero and then when the protagobists actually meet him he's this gaudy dork XD

[thegurlbehindthesmile]

Truth be told

Life is a funny thing full of shitty things and happy things.

i think when im older ill look back on these and just dread it all. it curls my stomach to read my old journeys. not in a bad way really but not in a good way.

as my son is getting older and older i am faced daily with confronting myself with my own inner child.

well how was i raised? what did they do when i did this? well did i like what they did when i did that? was it necessary. this jumble of words cascades from my mind. all these questions i never had before ...thought about.

i never really thought about how or why i did something. how i reacted. how i learned... its crazy how its shaped by those who raised us.

as i am now the one doing the raising you come to these moments every SECOND and think IF i do it this way i could change his whole world right now.

example: if i yell right now for him making this mess, i could destroy his ego or teach him a lesson. do i use force . do i yell.

in that moment every mistake uve made as a kid comes to mind. every parent who taught you that lesson comes forth and you think hmm i can approach things so many different ways.

you decide whatever you decide.

as a mom i see it this way now.

im going to mess up i mean its a give in

and mess up is a silly word because its all a learning process LIFE

so assuming just by living it that you'd mess up well thats instantly pessimistic. BUT anyway

im going to keep trying till the outcome seems even, not so bad not so good . not hurtful but helpful

coming to these cross roads doesnt mean that the way i was raised was wrong. AGAIN i dont really see wrong or right. life is crazy and if we argue about mundane issues like....wrong....or right... we could be here for months.

morally correct- ok. wrong in the sense of 2+2=5 OKAY.

but i mean im always saying the apple is the apple. if we argue about the hues of green and the bitter and sweetness we both agree its an apple. maybe u like it maybe i dont. my opinion isnt helping the situation or growing it in a positive way- why bicker. its non sense and such a waste of energy

SO

yeah if i change the way i run my marriage and parenting its not about being some fuckin rebel. its just about me living my life.

my sons 3. he is brighter than any star ive ever been able to gaze upon. being in his light makes one feel special and free. you could only dream of being in his attention because it would be such radiation. i am his attention most moments. 23 hours out of the 24 hour day . and i try and glorify every minute.

as he grows i simply try and stay excited to meet the next version of himself. i just want to build a relationship with him where he feels safe.... safe to be himself. to speak his mind. to act freely and truly be himself in whatever fashion. i want him to feel confident in himself and in me to be able to ask all types of questions and figure out all types of answers together, because maybe one answer isnt necessarily the only answer.

i want him to learn all about life and love and be excited to learn more and more about it. maybe to the point where his lust will never get full- that as his cup over flows he only continues to give to others. and the more and more he gets the more and more he can give.

that that fire in him never fades.

that doubt never over clouds his judgement

and that if only- like today and yesterday and from every moment since i was able to hold him for the first time- that he forever finds comfort in my holding. and shelter in my arms from whatever maybe hard on him for the moment.

i cant expect more than that. i truly cant. life has to happen and learning has to happen, and with life and learning come mistakes and opportunities and saddness and greatness and that is LIFE as we know it. to expect more OF him i believe would take away from whats meant to just be. JUST be julian. just be you.

id like to the biggest guide and support i can. to honor to keep u safe and healthy. to talk it out. work it out. see all the sides so we can simply understand each other. i want to bask in ur light forever.

like most days these days arguing and yelling is so common. my mothers opinion is a constant reminder to do something or change something. instead of just being nothing. her mind is constantly flooded with worry and love and its all very confusing. i dont believe love is that hard. i do believe i was raised to believe it is among many other things but as ive learned..its not. worrying is not love. its a by product- a sub by product if that, love can be so many other greater postive things. worry should be the last. her expectations and how she has lived and thought control her actions. i feel she lets her expectaions could the reality. that reality IF it differs then her thoughts then it must be less. it must be incorect. it must be fixed.

i dont feel thats the case. im not aruing her way is wrong in any sense but i think our ways are deff different. and thats okay as i grow "my way " changs every second - logic would tell me that as i approch my 70th year of life i would have changed so much so that im sure my way would infact be similiar to yours. but that moment..is not now.

now is when i am able to make my own decsions. and those decisons need to be made and tended to be me.

i think its fair to say that with the 44 yr differnce between us we are entitled to have different opinions on most topics. the age the era. its a give in. so why argue about those things.. the things we cant really chnage or predict but have shaped us from within. old trauma's - life events.. these things have happened but they dont need to necessarily impact us in a negative way. i dont think any experience is meant to impact us in a negative way. i think it would best or better to learn and adapt and create the most postive "ness" we can cuz one can only grow in healthy soil.

her opinion and her thoughts no longer feed my soul. my self. they no longer impact me greatly. with postive impact but only bring negative thoughts and feelings. you are entitled to feel what u feel and how u feel it but i dont believe youre entitled to make meeee have to feel those feelings. i can understand u simply by u having raised me. by us having had a discussion. i know the feeling of making new steps in the sand. i just dont feel its fair to make me feel shitty for walking my own path.

just because its different doesnt mean its wrong

just because were learning and growing daily doesnt make us naive fools.

jp there is and never will be a right and wrong with u and me okay. prismic infinity honor and see all sides. lets argue less. listen always. i want to be someone u simply want to be around.

im done arguing about this apple

[cow3survivor]

Ep. 6: “So Many Ways This Could Backfire” - Jennet

JENNET 

so the plan worked out great except jabari said that “now jake will know the truth” in front of daisy and the other tribemates🥺 i was hoping that i could pin this on lindsay so that once we merged i could lie about it and have lindsay be out next before the merge... this is truly sickening idk what to do

(a little later)

feeling really bad... is it my fault that jake forced me into a f3 with jabari who ive barely spoken with??? idk i feel like not only did i betray her but i betrayed a black woman and that makes me sick to my stomach.... hoping that i made the right choice and this propels me further in the game🥺 i honestly hated having to do that but maybe if ethan and sam have tribal connections left, when we merge, maybe we will be able to stick together and he’ll also help connect me

JESSICA

I GOT THE IDOL! It is good for 4 rounds and I still have my vote. And just in time as we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 like I thought..... wow my psychic abilities! Jabari got voted out at tribal and I'm sad. I didn't know her but I think she was new to orgs and I really wanted to play with her! Plus she volunteered to do the tiebreaker for her tribe so I thought they'd keep her due to that. Time for a swap lets kick this game into gear!

JENNET

hoping jake isnt on the same tribe as daisy or lindsay

(a little later)

also hoping im on a tribe of winners so i never make it to tribal bc i DEFINITELY was/am the weakest link☠️

MIKEY

so. I FUCKING HATE THIS NEW TRIBE. THEY PICKING OFF ALL THE GOOD ORIGINAL CALUMMA MEMBERS AND MY GIRL JABARI LITERALLY JUST LEFT??? FUCK YOU JENNET. I KNOW THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU! But anyways, its me and jake vs all OG (insert other tribes name) and i think I'm going next lool fuck ME. this is very sad indeed and idk im upset but ima try my mf hardest

JAKE

https://youtu.be/OzrGekDCG8I xoxo gossip girl

JENNET

jones and ethan on my tribe?? *blushes sm*

(a little later)

nervous about this tribe... ive pulled off three blindsides that ive helped orchestrate so if like if someone really wanted to look deeper into it.... they would be able to make a target out of me bc of it. definitely worried

(after cooking a fish)

this is basically an allstar team. everybody on here is a heavy hitter and that makes me worried bc if i wasnt the weakest link before, i definitely am now. wishing we had gotten rid of lindsay instead of jabari bc we just made another team stronger but it is what it is i guess

JONES

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbTUvzatQrw

JESSICA

Today's song is "Ribs" by Lorde because I have played it on repeat all morning. Also I forget if I said for my last confessional but that song was "Sober", also by Lorde. Basically I love Lorde and my life is better because of it. This swap worked out super well for me! I really said in my host chat "Could I please be put on a tribe with Shane and Daisy?" and the hosts simply said "Okay". I have my final 3 back together and we also have Lindsay and Lovelis. Lindsay seems really cool so far and Lovelis and I have a good thing going so I feel very confident on this tribe. I really hope we do not lose because honestly? I don't want to vote out Lindsay at all. I like that she is active and she seems like someone who really is putting in effort whereas Lovelis, as much as I like him, just really hasn't been here. I would rather play this game with people who are more active so to me it's like.... Lindsay is absolutely not the obvious vote if we lose. Not even a bit! I'd love to do with her what I did with Mikey and make a separate f2 so that when we merge, she's someone who will keep the target off of me. I didn't tell my alliance about the idol because honestly I just don't anticipate using it at all. It expires so soon and I really only took it so that no one else would end up having it. Also.... I don't know, I didn't tell them right away because I was a bit busy at the moment we swapped and now it feels suspicious if I do tell them? Also who knows, maybe they would not find my story believable and think I have an idol up to final 5 which I just don't want! I'd rather throw the idol into the sea so it causes no problems. This immunity challenge is an interesting one. If I knew what was in the boxes, I would probably bet more, but I bet some of those boxes have bad things or nothing in them and I simply do not want that. If I had to guess, one has the other half to that idol, one probably has an idol clue, another maybe has extra idol searches.... maybe another has an idol nullifier? Or a vote peek? Really none of these are things that I need. They're all cool but I'd rather be immune thanks! As far as how I feel in the game, I really do want the Maples to be f3. I'd rather be at the end with my alliance and lose than flip and be there without them. Ummmm what other thoughts do I have.................... I think that might be it. My mind is empty but I'm still moving forward.

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1L5Nzch65XLD_njxnIxLKwqUs5vqXcYot/view?usp=drivesdk

JESSICA

Also if we lose this immunity....... I'll be mad because I bet 0 on everything and I am STAYING that way!

JENNET

feeling increasingly bad for voting out jabari /:: idk it doesnt sit right with me in the grand scheme of things. obviously its a game but the fact that i genuinely upset somebody to that extent is so sick. idec that we’re going to tribal, i want to be voted out

ETHAN

3 tribals in a row... I don't for a freaking second believe that Jones and Nicol "made a mistake" with their bidding. This feels like throwing, and if it is, it means that: 1. they feel comfortable enough with Jennet to have a majority 2. they feel comfortable enough with Pete to have a majority 3. it doesn't matter anyway, they now have 2 boxes and potentially an idol or two they could use Either way, this is a freaking sucky situation, and Pete is being super sketchy. People keep making bad play after bad play so honestly, it is hard for me because I keep assuming that they will be doing all of these things to throw the wool over my eyes when they actually aren't doing anything.

JENNET

im annoyed im frustrated and im angry... why were so many points used?

(a little later)

here i am... again... in the middle guys vs girls.... um this sucks bc like me ethan pete didnt use alot of points and nicole and jones did so thats like sucky bc initially i wanted pete gone but like now theres no reason for it to be him

(after soaking in the sun)

nicole says that pippa told her to wait to see whats in the box, so that could mean tribal or that could wait next round. or what if its a comeback power? i literally have no idea what to do

(after making a pillow out of leaves)

okay so the plan is, we get to tribal. me ethan and pete vote for nicole. jones and nicole vote for pete. nicole uses immunity on herself, pete goes home. there are so many ways this could backfire and honestly if it sends me home than im okay with that. i just hate going to tribal so many times in a row

MADISON

I AM FREE FROM MY BROOKESIA PRISON. Current tribe dynamic on Furcifer: me/Sammy have been on the same tribe this whole time, me/Sammy/Jake were just on swap Brookesia, and i know Sam from OG Brookesia so the only person i'm just now meeting is Mikey and that stresses me out so much less than if we had merged or something. My gut is telling me that the idol is long gone and searching might just get me annoyed before it gets me an idol. On the upside, i still have time to find one if it's it out there because i highly doubt I'll be in trouble anytime soon the way my tribe keeps winning everything. ALSO: i only said that i thought Calumma would lose because Shane was on that tribe and i just felt like he would go big or go home but that's an issue to address when our paths cross again. If our tribe ends up going to tribal sometime soon, i would hope it would be the obvious choice to vote Mikey seeing as how i know him the least but idk maybe thats wishful thinking i dont want it to come to that.

SAMMY

Mikey has my heart on this tribe....YUP I really just wanna keep all the fun ppl...im missing daisy:// umm I did not bid on a single thing and I kind of regret it but also??? At least I am safe from tribal...but damn I really should have bid huh? Anyways not much is going on...ready to start playing a more individual game tho hehe

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-WUq5wfYK3Xb1Y-KNZptfyagwvSff4cd

NICOLE

I cannot believe I risked being voted out only to NOT BE ABLE TO PLAY NEXT IMMUNITY!!!!!!! what a round, I'm so sad. But I hope I stay.

DAISY

from f15 https://youtu.be/-_meWPNctO0

PETE

it’s literally... dude.. why can’t i just float to a merge whyyYYYYYYYYyyYyYyyyYyYy does it AAAALWAYS have to be so COMPLICATED like this is it this is the time im mufuckin ouutttiiieeeeeee that challenge was clearly thrown so like ✌🏼 it was fuuuun i hope y’all liked me enough to bring me back for whatever the next chameleon returnees thingy is uwu

(after being attacked by bees)

i know i’m paranoid and every tribal i feel sick to my stomach but nobody has talked to me today, except ethan about how fucked we are, it’s half an hour before tribal and no one really seems like they want to work with me. i still haven’t heard a name

TRIBAL COUNCIL

PETE EXIT INTERVIEW

[thelifetimechannel]

[raiseveganus]

Possible Health Benefits From Video Games (In Moderation) You Won’t Believe

Surprisingly, there are certain possible health benefits from video games (in moderation) that you wont believe. Read on to know more…

Ask any kid between the ages of 8 and 18, and they swear (on your life!) that video games are actually good for them. Before you roll your eyes and dismiss their favorite activity as more unnecessary brain-rotting rubbish, consider that your child could be right. In a way. Hear me out.

Game disorders can be a concern for some parents, and I believe all kids should have their screen time monitored and restricted to some extent. But keeping your children away from the game altogether might be a bit too extreme for you. In this day and age, gaming can be a preparation for the upcoming high-tech society run by savvy humanoids. So what can you do? Moderate, instead of ban! There are plenty of good reasons for gaming, and these ones don’t come from your kids!

Credits: LightField Studios/ Shutterstock Possible Health Benefits From Video Games (In Moderation) You Won’t Believe

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Possible Health Benefits From Video Games (In Moderation) You Won’t Believe

1. Helps with Stress, Anxiety, And Depression

There’s been a long debate over whether depression and anxiety are a root cause or can exacerbate a case of depression. Images of gamers as basement-dwelling anti-social nerds certainly doesn’t help. But some recent research shows the opposite is true. Video games offer a distraction from the noise and chaos of the world around you, by keeping your brain engaged on multiple levels and move the focus away from the source of anxiety or stress.

In fact, video games are so successful a distraction, that de-stressing apps like Happify and Headspace use distraction games and point-scoring, to teach meditation and cognitive behavioral therapy skills.

With anything that involves your kids though, there is no one truth that applies to every child. And there is always research that contrasts the findings of other data. For instance, the use of smartphones has been linked to an increase in anxiety and depression among children.

So whatever you decide, observe your child closely, follow your gut and make your own decision: in the end you, as a parent, often know best.

2. Helps Keep Your Brain Fit

Multi-tasking is a tough skill to master. But studies show that kids who play 30 minutes of action adventure games a day develop better multitasking skills than kids who play casual games. Video games are designed to be immersive, and the faster-paced the game is, the faster your decision-making processes will get. Add to that, the constantly reinforced connection between your child’s brain and hands can improve hand-eye coordination, and cooperation between different areas of the brain. That can help your child become a better, faster multi tasker, too!

(Pssst…here’s an idea: let your teen earn gaming minutes by applying their multi-tasking powers to dirty dishes and KonMari laundry folding)

3. Helps With Concentration

I’m as guilty of it as the next parent. My kids have the attention span of a fruit fly, and I catch myself thinking, “I was definitely never that spacey at their age. Must be the video games.” But nope. Research point to the hours in front of the video game as actually improving concentration skills, especially, as we’ve already mentioned, for children with ADHD, who may struggle with an inability to concentrate, if they are over-stimulated, or not stimulated enough.

Of course, video games, like everything else, should be used in moderation. Mix up your gameplay, and avoid focusing too hard on a single game, to prevent a child from burning out or developing a video game addiction while encouraging concentration skills.

4. Encourages Exercise

Want your child to appreciate the great outdoors more? Get him a video game! No really. The success of motion-based games like Wii Sports has actually been shown to boost confidence, and encourage kids to learn new physical skills, even in the most reluctant athletes. And real-time games like Pokemon Go and it’s many iterations encourage your child to go outside and play, and connect with other players, too!

5. Helps Build Confidence

It’s true that too much obsessing over a single game may indicate an underlying problem. Especially when it comes at the cost of other hobbies and interests your child used to enjoy. But often, taking part in video games is a huge confidence boost. In moderation, it’s a hobby like any other and comes with its own skill set, language, and community. If your child struggles socially with peers, mastering the latest video game can give him a way to connect.

6. Improves Social Skills

The persistent image of the gamer as a loner/loser does not always apply. Creating a social environment around gaming is easy. Kids love to show off what they’re passionate about. If you’re finding your child’s gaming habits are keeping her away from social activities, work around it. Institute a family game policy, and keep the games in shared areas in the house. If your child would rather play video games than sports, have them invite friends over. Video games, when shared with everyone, are a great way to learn fairness and co-operation.

Sidenote: I have discovered that as an adult, I still have a long way to go when it comes to losing gracefully from my children.

7. Encourages Persistence And Problem Solving

One of the more positive aspects of video gaming is that because games are designed to keep you playing, your child can learn problem-solving skills in a fun way. Video games have been shown to improve problem-solving and stress management in children. They may also be vital in encouraging habits of persistence. These are transferable skills that go way beyond the scope of a video game!

With all these benefits, what can you do to ensure healthy gaming habits in your kids? Follow these steps to avoid burning out, or developing a video game addiction or disorder.

1. Set Reasonable Limits

With the glut of screen time our kids are getting these days, setting reasonable time constraints on how much screen time they get isn’t a bad idea. Consider the age of the child and the amount of time they already spend at a screen, thanks to school, friends, or other sources. You may also consider using screen time as a reward for chores, or good behavior.

2. Monitor What They’re Doing

I’m not asking you to spy on your kid or watch them play for hours at a time. But keep an eye on things. Talk to your child about their video game use, what games they’re playing, and what they’re interested in. It allows you to stay on top of what’s motivating your child’s playing, and stop any problems before they develop. Plus, kids love sharing their interests!

3. Mix Up Gameplay

This doesn’t mean buying every console on the market. But having a variety of games available, and turning games into a family activity, helps avoid the selfish, antisocial behaviors that can lead to problems. Keep a variety of games and game types around, and get everyone in the house playing!

4. Encourage Gaming As A Social Activity

Speaking of everyone playing along. A family challenge is a great way to keep games social and public. Try a weekly Wii-Fit challenge, or ask your child to teach you to play his favorite. Reinforcing that games are meant to be social, and for everyone, fosters healthy habits that avoid aggression when the game is taken away. It’s also an excellent chance for you to bond over your embarrassment, which the kids will love.

Love them or hate them, video games are a part of our kids’ lives. And like anything else, there are upsides and downsides. But by embracing and getting engaged with your child’s video game habits, you can prevent problems, and encourage all the useful skills a child can pick up from a few minutes a day with a video game console.

What is your take on possible health benefits from video games (in moderation) ? Let me know in the comments below.

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[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

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