#and then turn on the tv or read online and see all the worst realities of the profession

[calling-the-angels]

I was reading an article from CNN about journalists in Gaza (link) and this particular paragraph stuck out to me...

I was initially a journalism major in college so I understand the background of why an organization like CNN would require this style of reporting (i.e. "both sides" representism). However, these inserts of Isreali "viewpoints" that have been shown to be barefaced lies in an article about Gazan journalists risking their lives is just piss-poor optics.

If anyone wonders why people have lost faith in traditional media sources, this is a perfect example. In an article centering Palestinian voices, the organization still requires that Israeli talking points be linked as well and often, in the same paragraph. It reads like: 'here's a quote about a personal lived experience of genocide but nah uh, here's isreali propaganda claiming they are lying and bc they are an ally, they should be believed'. It's American/Western exceptionalism at its finest because "why should we believe a Palestinian, they aren't paragons of truth and justice like we are?"

I don't know if I quite explained myself like I wanted but this particular article just made me so angry that CNN and other Western media were once considered 'trustworthy' sources of information and now are parroting isreali lies. AND telling their readers that Palestinian voices on the ground telling first-hand information are not "good enough" sources of information.

[phoebepheebsphibs]

Trying My Worst

Title: Chapter 1/?? Prompt: passing out from pure exhaustion Fandom:  ROTTMNT Word Count: 1099  Author: PhoebePheebsPhibs Rating: Gen Characters: Michelangelo & Baron Draxum Warning: Description of fainting/passing out Summary: Notes: No Beta, We Die Like Gram-Gram! More chapters to follow...

@tmnt-write-fight @remedyturtles

Link to AO3 <-

Mikey had never been that exhausted in his entire life.

Not even after staying up for a full three days of non-stop fighting to defeat the Shredder when he was first resurrected.

Okay, maybe that's pushing it a bit. He did pass out instantly once the threat was gone and the adrenaline gave out.

But one night of sleep later and he was fine!

The week after the invasion from the Krang was a different story.

Mikey's arms turned to golden light and cracked all the way up to his shoulders as he forced open a hole in time and space to save his brother. Everything after that was a blur.

He remembered Leo falling through, winking at the Krang Prime before turning to check on Leo and falling on top of him in a desperate hug as they all watched the sun rise over NYC from Staten Island.

But then... Mikey wasn't so sure, The last thing he recalled was leaning against Raph's arm for support as Donnie called for a pickup. And then... blackout. Mikey's knees gave out from under him as the world began to spin and all strength left his body. He couldn't feel his arms anymore. He couldn't hear Raph's panicked voice as he caught Mikey. He just fainted, passed out, knew no more.

Mikey 'woke up' a few times on the ride back home. Though he didn't remember any of it. He was completely out of it, eyes unfocused and consciousness disconnected from reality. They told him the first few times he woke up, he didn't say anything, just looked around in confusion before passing out again.

The rest of the week was basically the same.

Mikey's body was utterly exhausted from the overuse of ninpo and mystic abilities. Draxum came in to check him over and warned them that Mikey's body needed to rest for a few days to heal up from the overexertion it went through.

Mikey slept for at least a day and a half before actually waking up. And even then, he was on the moon. He could barely speak without babbling endlessly about who knew what and crying every time someone even looked at him because he 'just loved them so much'.

Mikey's arms were completely out of commission. They were fine, or at least they would be. But 'Mikey's little mystic stunt' as Draxum put it would leave his limbs numb and floppy for quite some time. The mystic cracks would disappear, the scars fade into nothingness, and his arms would return to normal once his body had gotten enough rest.

It only took a week. To everyone else, this was a miracle. To Mikey, it was torture.

A whole week of bedrest and not being able to use his arms?? Forget the fact that meant no art or cooking, it also meant he couldn't play video games or scroll online! Couldn't feed himself, couldn't read a book without having someone else turn the pages, couldn't even change the channel on the TV when they set him up on a couch bed. Couldn't itch himself if something got under his shell. Mikey literally could do nothing without asking for help.

And he had ADHD. Meaning he physically needed to do something with his hands and brain. Or else he'd go insane.

"Why does God hate me..."

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁ ⟡ ݁ . ⊹ ₊ ݁.

"Let me see how your hands are doing, Michelangelo."

Mikey shakily held out his arms for Baron Draxum to inspect. He wiggled his fingers at him. They were a little sore, the joints felt a bit sticky, and his fingertips were wildly tender and sensitive, but he was managing fine. Ready to get back into using his extremities again! Ready to draw and paint and cook his own meals and do ninja tricks and razzmatazz!

Barry looked his hands over, gently pressing his thumb and forefinger against the scarred tissue and asking 'Can you feel that?' 'Yes.' 'Does it hurt?' 'Not really.' 'How about now?' 'Ouch!' and so on.

"You're healing quickly," Draxum congratulated. "Dexterity is doing well, your nerves are regaining feeling. You've been exercising them?"

"Some physical therapy," Mikey admitted. "A few stretches. And I tried sketching yesterday. Just to try, nothing big. Just shapes and squiggles."

"I do hope you're resting yourself, though," Draxum reminded him.

"I've been doing nothing but resting!" Mikey complained, leaning back and huffing with frustration. "It's been a whole week and I'm sick and tired of just sitting around."

"I'm sure your brothers are tired as well," Draxum said with consideration. "I hear Leonardo cannot even leave his bed yet."

Mikey swallowed his pride and glanced away from his co-father.

"...I don't mean to be complaining so much," Mikey sighed. "I just... I'm tired of feeling useless."

"I fully understand," Draxum replied with a nod. "But you need to take it slowly or else all this time will have been for nothing. It's a process."

Mikey grumbled impatiently. Draxum glanced up at him with a warning, but let it slide for the most part.

"...I suppose your legs work properly."

"Yes?" Mikey answered, confused by the inquiry. "Why?"

"And you can read?"

"Yeah, they finally let me use my hands for reading books again," Mikey admits. "Though it's kinda hard to stay focused with books. Why?"

"I was considering inviting you to my home for some formal training in the mystic arts. If you are interested."

Mikey shot up, bouncing from excitement.

"Are you kidding me?! Yes! Yes!!"

"On one condition," Draxum interrupted, raising a hand to calm his overly giddy child down. "You must take time to rest your hands. I cannot train you if you cannot take care of yourself and your hands cannot properly heal. Do you understand?"

"Yes, yes, I do!" Mikey promised, nodding with exhilaration. "I'll do my best with this!"

Draxum gave him a small, soft smile as he nodded.

"Very well. Training will begin next week. We'll start with the easy spells and a few rune exercises. Nothing too extreme, just to bring you up to speed and build your experience."

"Oki-doki!" Mikey said with a smile and a thumbs up, before his thumb twitched and twinged. "Ooh, ouch ouch ouch!"

Draxum eyed his son with concern.

"Uh..... I'll work on that. I'll be fine by next week, I promise!"

"Don't come if your hands still hurt you," Draxum warned. "We don't want to aggravate your condition."

"I'll be fine!" Mikey chuckled nervously. "I really wanna do this. I promise, I'll be fine."

Drax gave a groan of reluctant relent.

"We'll see..."

TO BE CONTINUED...

[crowandmoonwriting]

Sci-Fi: Dreams and Nightmares, an Essay

You know, I have a problem with sci-fi. That isn't to say I dislike it, I just have a problem writing it, conceptualising it, and enjoying it. I'm a historian, and a traditional medieval historian at that, and I find most of my comfort in the past. My ideas about the future are very dark, and although I explore darkness and even horror in my writing very often, it's a darkness for once I'm not comfortable with. It's a little too close to home, I think. The further into technological advancement we go as a species, the worse I feel about the future. I have a few cyberpunk ideas I came up with in high school or even middle school that I doubt I will ever finish. I can't do it anymore. I feel vaguely sad about it all, and maybe I can work on them someday, even if I just adapt the characters and situations to a genre I'm more comfortable with.

I used to love sci-fi in all incarnations. I have always adored Star Wars and Star Trek. I favoured Star Wars for a while because it smacked more of fantasy, being a space opera and completely unrelated to Earth. It was escapist, it was mystical, it was just a bit closer to my true fictional love, Lord of the Rings. Star Trek I fell in love with later on, as I came to appreciate the social and political commentary and the intricate hard sci-fi aspects (I should note, I only adored the original series, and the other Star Trek media never captured me quite the way it did). When I found Dune, it swept me away, another fantasy, another mystical technicolour dream, and I loved it. When I first saw Bladerunner I was obsessed, and when I first read Asimov's Robot Series I was fascinated.

But something happened when I was in high school. Something that has ravaged my mental health and sense of well-being, my sense of self and my faith in humanity. It's something most of us rely on now, and it's something I can't escape (unless I do finally run away to the woods and live in a cabin as though it's 1470, growing and raising my own food and hunting to have furs to keep warm in the winter etc, as I long to do). I have to be online. I have to be on social media. I have to promote my brand, my writing. I have to be here to be aware of the news (I don't watch live TV at all). And worst of all, most crippling of all, I have to find inspiration. My desire to find media that will take me away (media I don't have to make myself) is what keeps me coming back. It's one of the things that keeps me here.

But I admit, I'm getting very tired. I'm traditional in several senses, and I'm tired. I miss dearly how I used to look at sci-fi. It was a wonder. Even dystopian sci-fi had its charm, its allure, its fascinating aspects. But then whatever electric sheep dreams I had became nightmares. And waking up, I found the nightmares all around me. It's painful that something I used to love I now avoid. Something I used to turn to for fun or pleasure is something I now fear.

But I am determined to love what I can. I am determined to have hope. As someone who's suffered from great mental illness in my life, and has come to a place finally, finally of stability, I think I can now reflect on things. The truth is, whether a dusty tome-perusing historian like me wants to hear it or not, the future is not a nightmare. It's not a dream at all, but reality. And fiction is not reality. Sure, I see things in real life I thought were just nightmares from Orwell's 1984. But I also see dreams, the iPad in my hand filled with hundreds of books, the stylus gliding brilliant colour over a smooth screen, the little device at my side an Alexandrian library of writing and music the likes of which no one in previous centuries could have imagined. I can type up a few words and my friends can respond to me within seconds. Through the gleaming portals at my fingertips I can learn about the entire world. I am connected. And connection is terrifying. It's vulnerable, and I think we're all just trying to figure out how this new type of human connection works.

I do have hope for the future. And I think it's time we saw that in sci-fi. Now I do note, there is some utopian sci-fi media. Star Trek the Original Series being my favourite. But I want to know what you have to say. Writers, artists, musicians, whatever you do, I want to see some hope.

I am not exempt of course! I need to change the way I think about sci-fi too. I need to take that hope in me and make something that will give someone else hope. Or at least let them have a little fun with a book, whether it's a paperback or leatherbound copy, or an intangible but nevertheless legible file. The interesting thing about sci-fi is that it's always somewhat based in reality (in science, of course!), but it's the 'fi' of sci-fi that's the best part. It's fiction. It's the dream. And as we have seen before, the dreams of one generation can become the reality of another. So it's time to write sci-fi with hope. It's time for me to stop being afraid of the future, and start looking forward to it.

[confusedgoldenflower]

First to add to fiercynn’s great addition, I want to highlight that those same things happen especially also with female characters who “are in the way” of the gay ships and turn them into ridiculous, shallow non-characters. And a lot of afabs are in fandom, reading these stories, seeing the—probably—internalized mysogony on full display just so the shit author can have an easy time instead of actually writing.

There’s so much I want to say but my brain just cannot.

‘Urgh me writing horrible noncon and pushing it out for everyone to see and be normalized is perfectly okay and not at all impacts my anti rape morals!!!! What happens in my brain and what’s reality is dIfFeReNt!’

No, that doesn’t sound right.

First of all, intrusive thoughts and/or maladaptive daydreaming don’t make someone bad. Obviously. Of course. But hey, the internet will say you’re being ace erasure-ist when that’s literally what your calling out🙄. But for someone to look at themselves and say hey, I think I’m just gonna choose to allow my brain to go on these dark, disturbing tangents instead of stopping and saying “hey, wtf, that’s not right, I think I’ll change the direction or stamp this thought/daydream out entirely.”

I had that issue, but I’ve managed to condition myself to STOP going on disgusting mental tangents about the worst things happening to characters/people and interupt my intrusive thoughts! Guess what, I feel a hell of a lot better with less happenings of these thoughts/daydreams. I really never wrote down that shit to begin with and I’m really glad I didn’t add to this cesspool of just this nastiness for the sake of nastiness.

Which brings me to torture porn (insert whatever “character torturing” you like, I’d rather not make a list) for the sake of it and indulgently so.

I get coping art. I get exploratory art. But that shit doesn’t have to be published where everyone can see it and where it helps to normalise absolutely horrible things. Stories in which it’s used genuinely and not as some qUirKy ThIs Is HoW i Am DiFfErEnT aNd My LiFe SuCkS backstory/tool. And especially it’s not coping art if shit like noncon, pedophilia, necrophilia, incest, etc is treated POSITIVELY by the characters/story.

I don’t care how old or mature YOU are, that doesn’t mean the rest of everyone consuming/seeing this are too, and I don’t know how you’ve missed it but the media influences us. All of us. Especially young people who have no choice but to believe that the things on TV—because it’s TV and we assume a demonstration of the world—are normal or acceptable. Especially ND kids look to media for how to act. (Kids shows have morals and language arts classes push you to take lessons from stories but suddenly you’re a horrible person for taking anything away from “adult” media.)

If you can’t understand that, I guess you’re not as mature as you like to think.

If you read and/or write some dark stuff sometimes out of curiosity or goose-necking a train wreck, that’s understandable. However, if you ENJOY that shit and do it A LOT, that’s a red flag. 🚩🚩🚩 ESPECIALLY if you get off to it because a climax is one of the most powerful positive reinforcements.

Besides, there’s rumor that your brain cannot actually understand that that fake guy, who you feel enough for to twist your own guts when he gets hurt, isn’t actually real. I haven’t been able to get deep into this but besides that, how should anyone expect someone to treat the people they encounter in real life, including online because that’s also fucking real, with basic human decency if they’re torturing their favorite character with tentacles in their head most of the time. That sounds like normalizing that sort of shit to yourself if you’re just letting those thoughts go or actively choosing that thought train rather than pushing back. Even if you don’t have the energy to craft some elaborate plot or whatever, how can you not think “I don’t like this so I’m gonna stop there and distract myself with something else.”

If that asinine thought process is true, then why would we call out grooming media like Pretty Little Liars and Lolita because it teaches kids that it’s okay to be hurt like that, and predators that what they’re doing is fine. If that was true, why would there be push back on the rampant sa in media which just lets disgusting pieces of shit know they’re fine and everyone does, it and that victims should shut the fuck up because that’s just how it is. If you force objectively asexual characters into sexual situations, how the fuck can anyone trust you’d respect a *real* ace.

If you write or consume dark shit and ENJOY it and think there’s nothing wrong with what op said, block me. Do us both a favor. Besides, why the fuck do you want to do horrible things to people so damn bad. What’s wrong with you.

DNI esp ppl who think noncon is sexy.

I really think everyone needs to truly internalize this:

Fictional characters are objects.

They are not people. You cannot "objectify" them, because they have no personhood to be deprived of. They have no humanity to be erased. You cannot "disrespect" them, because they are not real.

[spencersawkward]

*house call // wes (Dollface)*

ssummary: when her pet cat gives her a scare, Reader decides to call the vet to make sure everything is going to be okay. 

pairing: Fem!Reader x Wes

word count: 5.4k

content warnings: discussion of cannabis/cannabis consumption, unprotected penetrative sex, use of nicknames (baby, sweetheart), SoftDom!Wes, breeding kink, creampie. 

request: can you do a wes smutty one shot if you’re down?! 

A/N: to be fair, i haven’t watched Dollface in a minute, but i’m obsessed with the domestic vibes that Matthew gives off when he plays Wes and i just thought it would be super cute. anyway, this was super fun also i wanna fuck Wes. ok enjoy!

masterlist

the absolute best part of your day is when the package arrives at your doorstep. you impulse-purchased it about two weeks ago while you were hanging out with one of your close friends, and you've been looking forward to trying it every day since. 

or, really, for your cat to try it. 

you've read reviews and been extremely diligent to make sure the stuff is completely safe, and everything you've seen or read was singing the praises of this cat weed (which isn't actually cannabis at all, but catnip made to look like it).

as you take the cardboard box to the kitchen table and pry open the top with the help of a Swiss army knife, you're grinning. Klimt comes scampering into the room to see what all the fuss is about, sitting at your feet with his tail curled around his legs. 

"no peeking." you scold him gently. your kitten, the friendliest little rescue tabby around, simply stares blankly back. when you remove the wrapping from the glass jar and stare at it up close, you're impressed by how realistic it looks. the label shows cat-friendly ingredients only, but you unscrew the top and get a whiff of catnip. 

Klimt begins to weave in between your legs, nudging them affectionately and beginning to purr. you giggle and bend down to give him a few pets. his nose twitches; he tries to sniff at the foreign object, but you put it back on the table. 

"don't be greedy, babe." you scratch between his pointed ears and he lets out a whiny meow. 

it's about his dinner time, and you were hoping to give him his treat tonight after he finishes his dry food. so you make yourself something simple with the leftovers in your fridge and do some more work on your laptop while you two eat together. 

you've had Klimt for a while, now. you call him a kitten even though he's a full-grown cat-- he's just as playful and enthusiastic as any newborn. his eyes are the color of meadow grass, and his nose is scattered with tiny freckles. it makes him look like he's just come from digging around the backyard, but it really just adds to his charm. 

not to mention his ceaselessly social tendencies: Klimt is always around when your friends come over, worming his way in between you or sitting on one of the free chair cushions to listen. you wonder if he knows what you're saying sometimes, because when you talk about the embarrassing things you've done that day or the failed interactions you've had, he always lifts his head to give you something of a judgmental stare. 

once you've settled down for the evening and turned on the TV, you decide that now is the time. Klimt is aimlessly poking at a few of his toys. he bats at a fake mouse between his paws.

"kitten," you click your tongue and get up to grab the jar. "are you ready to try this stuff?" 

as if he's going to answer. he hears your footsteps coming back his way and watches patiently. it's only when you pour out a little bit in front of him that he gets curious about the stuff. you admire his movements as he bends down and examines. 

although you keep an eye on him while watching your show, you don't notice much of a change in him. he starts to roll about on the floor, which is to be expected, but it's only when he starts to chase around his fake mouse that things get interesting. 

you laugh as Klimt goes nuts, jumping back and attacking the thing like he's ready to come in for the kill. it's really funny, but you're interrupted by your phone buzzing. you told your friend that you were doing this tonight. 

"hi!" you answer the FaceTime call right away. 

"how is he?" you can hear the smile in Andi's voice as you turn the camera. 

"he's loving it." 

"oh my god," she laughs. Klimt arches his back, leaping so highly in the air, you raise your eyebrows. "I wonder how long it'll last." she muses. 

"I'm guessing we'll get about an hour more of this before he passes out for the next two days." you joke. he gets strong bursts of energy usually, but they only last so long until he's curled up on the window sill or in your bed. 

Andi and you talk for a while as Klimt tires himself out and plays with all of his favorite toys. you dangle a string in front of him for a decent amount of time, too, just to make him get up on his hindquarters. he's a natural entertainer, a lithe little thing who lets out a few irritated meows to demonstrate his impertinence. 

after about forty-five minutes, however, you notice your cat's behavior change. he keeps raising his hackles and rolling about, and something about it makes you nervous. he doesn't usually act like this, not even when he plays with the other catnip toys he's accumulated. 

"what's wrong?" Andi notes your furrowed brow as you look past the camera of your phone and at your pet. 

"he's just acting really weird," you pat the couch cushion to call him over, but he doesn't even glance up. "I don't know why." 

"maybe it's the cat weed." she suggests. you purse your lips and try to think. 

"yeah, but nobody in the reviews ever mentioned anything like this."

"I'm sure he's fine, Y/N."  

"yeah, I know..." but you're worried. Klimt is your pal, your cuddle buddy. as he rubs his cheek against the wooden floor, you feel guilt pool in your stomach. if he's hurt because of some dumb online purchase, you're never going to forgive yourself. "I'm gonna call the vet just to be sure."  

"oh, okay," she sounds surprised, but doesn't try to stop you. "let me know what they say." 

"I will." you hang up the phone and stare at your companion for a few seconds. he leaps into the air and does a somersault before letting out some deeply disturbing whine that reminds you to call the vet. better safe than sorry.  

...

when the doorbell rings, you're practically twiddling your thumbs anxiously. Klimt hasn't settled at all, and you haven't even bothered to change out of your lounging ensemble. you're pretty sure you look a mess, but hopefully the person won't care too much. 

you don't know who to expect-- your usual vet is an older woman who is friends with your mom, but her receptionist said she was out tonight and would send over another vet to check it out. 

when you swing open the door, you immediately regret the decision to stay in sweatpants. 

"hi, I'm Wes." the guy gives you a friendly smile and holds up his bag. it's almost comically old-fashioned, something out of an old movie, and you half-expect him to be wearing a stethoscope around his neck. 

he's gorgeous, though. definitely a good amount older than you, tall with brown curls and stubble. his features stand out to you even under the porch light, and your mouth guppies idiotically. 

"hi," you manage. his eyes flicker to your hand, which is seemingly blocking him from coming inside the house, and you jolt back a little to let him in. you clear your throat. "sorry." 

as he steps inside and you close the door behind him, getting one tiny moment to yourself, your eyes widen. way to make yourself look like a bumbling fool. 

"I heard that there's a tabby who got into some catnip?" you catch him looking around the front of your house, eyes catching on the framed photos before finding yours again. you can feel the heat creeping up your cheeks, but nod confidently.  

"yeah, Klimt. he should still be in the living room." 

"Klimt? like the artist?" he chuckles and follows you into the rest of the home. his voice has a nice timbre to it, something low and gentle that fits well with his occupation.  

"yeah, exactly." you turn to smile at him. 

you hear the cat before you see him. he's climbed to the top of his cat tree and leaps down onto the ground, paws hitting the surface in a way that can't have been comfortable. he chirps and looks up at Wes, whose lips are turned up with amusement.    

"are you the man of the hour?" he asks, approaching the cat. Klimt's pupils get enormous and he prepares to pounce on the newcomer. 

"careful--" you start to warn him, but the cat launches himself right into Wes' arms. the vet turns to you, holding him to his chest, and grins. warmth spreads over your skin with embarrassment. "sorry." 

"no need to apologize," he starts to pet Klimt, who is only slightly struggling to escape. he wants to go wild again, but Wes isn't going to let go. "they call me the Cat Wrangler at the office." 

"really?" you snort. he brings your pet over to the couch and sets him on the cushions, careful to keep him in place. 

"no way." he shoots you a dazzling smile. the joke makes you giggle, and you feel yourself become even more self-conscious about the outfit you're wearing. this is just your luck, having hot guys come over when you distinctly look your worst. 

Wes scratches between Klimt's ears and glances up at you again. "is there any reason in particular you're worried about the catnip?" 

"yeah, actually," you nod, brought back to reality. "I know it's supposed to make them more playful, but he's just been acting weird and I got worried that there was something in it that messed with his head." 

"can I see the container for it?" he asks. you go to grab the jar, only to remember that it proudly announces itself as cannabis for cats. profound embarrassment causes you to hesitate with the stuff in your hands. 

it's not like he's here for you to flirt with, but you're still thinking about how stupid and young you're going to look with this stuff in front of him, a hot older guy who seems to have his life under control. you peek at him once more from the kitchen, at the way he smiles and starts to talk softly to Klimt as if he were a peer. 

he's kinda crazy, and it makes you smile. 

"it's cat weed." you hand him the glass container, and Wes breaks into a grin as he looks at the front. 

"oh my gosh, I've heard about this!" his eyes move quickly over the label. you're in shock. 

"really?"

"yeah, it's hilarious. here, can you make sure our friend here doesn't move while I read the ingredients?" he gestures. the knot of anxiety within you loosens a bit. you nod obediently, going to scoop up your pet and sit him on your lap. he's still squirmy, but he doesn't look ready to attack either of you, thankfully. 

"hey, you." you greet your pal affectionately. his tail is wagging impatiently while Wes kneels on the ground beside the couch. there's a silver ring on his finger, but you notice with relief that it's not on his fourth one. 

when he sets the jar down on the coffee table with the kind of smile that hints at some secret amusement, you frown. "what?"

"nothing," he shakes his head. "Klimt is gonna be totally fine."

"are you sure?" you pet the feline's smooth coat. 

"definitely. you know how drugs affect people differently?" he asks. you want to say no, you don't know that because why would you, but then you remember that there is quite literally a glass-blown bowl sitting on your kitchen table. 

"sure." you reply honestly. 

"it's the same with cats: some just feel the effects a little more." he shrugs. you think this over for a second. 

"that makes sense." 

"yeah, I'd estimate about an hour more of this wildcat behavior before he takes a ten-hour nap." he cracks another joke and you find yourself totally charmed by him. something about the way he talks just makes your heart beat like crazy.  

"that's a relief." 

he chuckles and stands up, grabbing the bag (which he never even had to use) and starting to walk out of the living room. you can smell his delicious cologne as he moves past you.  

"sorry for making you come out here so late." you apologize from the couch. Wes turns to look at you with an easygoing expression. his free hand is tucked into his pocket.  

"no worries. you have a lovely home." he gestures to the kitchen, and then at the bowl sitting there in the open. you have to fight the smile on your face.  

"thanks." you're smirking. right before he's about to head back out, you ask a question that's been wriggling around in your mind since he arrived. "why no title?" 

"you mean, like, Doctor or something?" he stops in the threshold. one hand leans against it while he answers your question. you still can't get over how tall he is. 

"sure. I mean, you are a doctor, right?" it comes out more dubious than you intended, but he doesn't get offended, only smiles. 

"yes, I'm a doctor. I went to Davis." he points like the school is right outside your door. you nod.  

"cool." 

there's a silence where you just look at each other, and you forget that you look like you just rolled out of bed. he clears his throat. 

"to answer your question, I just go by Wes because you're not my patient-- Klimt is." he points to the kitten, who is now chasing his own tail like a dog. you snort at the sight. 

"how humble of you." 

"I know, right?" he's joking. you find yourself not wanting him to leave, even though you've really just met. he's so sweet and funny and handsome... your stomach is flipping over and over like a schoolgirl. 

and it's stupid that you can't think of one plausible reason for him to stay, but every step he takes shortens your time to think. so you just blurt, instead. 

"would you want a beer?" 

Wes pauses and looks at you, an unreadable expression on his face. "a beer?" 

"yeah, I mean... you came all the way out here and I just feel bad for causing a fuss over nothing." you scramble slightly to justify your words. you don't ever drink beer-- do you even have any? god, this is embarrassing.  

the vet checks the watch on his wrist, then smiles at you with a halting kind of enjoyment, before nodding. "sure." 

"okay, great." you turn on your heel to hide the grin on your face. he follows you again to the kitchen area and leans against the counter while you open the fridge. the best form of flirting you can manage right now is bending over shamelessly and taking your time to poke around. 

thankfully, there are three cold bottles left towards the back. you take out two and use the tool in one of your drawers to pop the tops off. he watches patiently, takes a sip when you hand the drink to him. your eyes meet. 

"so, what prompted the cat weed purchase?" he starts the conversation effortlessly, and you try to keep your eyes from wandering over the shape of him. now that he's just standing in front of you, you're noticing the way his sweater sits against his frame, his long legs and the way his head rests on an elegantly-proportioned neck. 

"I just saw it and thought it would be fun." you shrug honestly. he smiles.  

"do you think you're gonna let him try it again another time?"  

"I don't know," you cross your arms over your chest. "I'm a little nervous, but he also was having a lot of fun until I made him sit still." 

"fair enough." you both turn your gazes to the cat. he's nudging a little toy ball with his nose and watching it roll across the floor. there are tiny bells inside that jingle. Wes turns back to you. "what do you do?"

"graphic designer." 

"an artist." he raises his brows, impressed. 

"not exactly saving animal lives, but I get by." you take another sip of your drink. 

"it's not like that, mostly." he rolls his eyes playfully. 

"then what's it like?"

"I just see and talk to people's pets all day. it's a pretty great job, even when it's not. you know?" he's optimistic about it. you're drawn to his positive energy, to the way he smiles when he speaks like he's preparing to deliver a witty joke. 

 you're hopelessly attracted to him, and the space between you is becoming unbearable. even though he's a guy you just met, you can feel in your gut that something about this is just right. you want his body against yours. 

 "you okay?" he breaks what you only now realize is a silence, and you blink to clear the dirty images from your mind. 

"yeah." only thinking about you fucking me against a countertop. it must be the fact that you haven't gotten laid in a while or something, because you usually aren't this attracted to people within the first hour. it takes longer for you to even want to kiss them.  

"what kind of stuff do you design?" he seems genuinely interested as he shifts and continues to nurse his drink.  

"I work for a tech startup downtown, so it's a lot of website work to make sure it's navigable and pretty." you try to sum up your duties, but it's hard when his hazel eyes are so intent. he listens to every word.  

"do you do personal work, too? like, just for you?" 

"actually, yeah!" this sparks your excitement. 

"can I see?" his smile widens. "only if you're comfortable, of course."  

"sure." you're beaming.  

he stays put as you start to go out of the kitchen, but then you smile. "you can come with." 

"oh." he sets his beer down on the counter and follows you, slightly surprised. but you don't care; you were nervous before, but he's stayed for this long. maybe he wants you, too. 

once you get to your bedroom, you're grateful that it's been freshly cleaned. there's even a bouquet from the flower's market sitting on your dresser, and you head over to the desk to sift through the drawers for what you want. 

"cool room." he compliments from the threshold. he's careful not to make you uncomfortable, but also can't resist the curiosity that draws his gaze from wall to wall. you find the stack of papers and smile. 

"thanks," you place the folder in his hands. "these are some printed versions of stuff I did last year." 

Wes immediately begins to flip through the art. him seeing your stuff makes you nervous, so you pretend to focus on straightening up the few items that sit on your desk. you wipe your fingertip over a nonexistent film of dust. 

"these are amazing," he says, holding a card stock copy in between his index and middle fingers. "holy shit."

"thank you." you're trying to keep from smiling too hard. you can tell that he's being genuine with his compliments, and it makes your heart swell. 

"definitely. are you showing anywhere?" 

"at an exhibit downtown a couple months back, but I've been so busy with work that personal stuff hasn't really been on the table, you know?"

he nods in understanding and continues to go through until the end. when he's finished, he looks up and sees you, his eyes concentrated. he doesn't speak at first, and an undercurrent ripples across the room. there are about three feet between you, and you have no excuse to lessen it. 

he licks his lips slowly. you purse yours, unsure of what to say. 

"I'm glad you called tonight." his voice is lower, slightly uncertain, like he's testing the boundaries. except you don't want boundaries right now. you want to go wild on him. 

"me, too." you reply. it's in your eyes, that begging for him to do what you're scared to initiate. 

your tongue is pressed to the back of your teeth in anticipation. and when he sets the art back on your desk and comes closer, you feel yourself give in. bubbles of excitement travel up your body as he grabs your face and bends down to kiss you. 

it's full, passionate, not the kind of kiss you give someone you've just met. laced with desire and longing, you respond immediately. hands immediately run to his forearms, over his shoulders as he imposes beautifully on your form. it's so hard, you lean back slightly. your torso presses against his until he pushes you against the wall. 

the slight gasp that escapes your lips causes him to smile, followed by your moan and clutching fingers. the material of his sweater, the taste of him mingled with that sophisticated, gentle smell of cologne that you want printed all over your skin. 

"come here." he murmurs against your mouth and reaches down to the back of your thigh so you can hook your leg around his waist. you whine at the easy access he has to grind against your core, both of you desperate. 

"Wes." you pant into his open mouth. he sucks on your bottom lip before finding your cheek and jaw. his fingertips tighten around your flesh. 

"this feel good, sweetheart?" he checks in. coincidentally, his jeans grind against your panties at exactly the right spot and your hips jump. you release a pleasured yelp. 

"mhmm." 

"sounds like it." he latches onto your throat with a possessive excitement. you can feel him sucking and biting at the skin until you're positive there'll be marks tomorrow. you hope there are; purpled evidence of his touch. he digs his nails into your thighs. "you like it when older men touch you, baby?" 

he blows over your tender throat before attacking it again. you sigh contentedly at the way he mingles sensations for your pleasure. "yes." 

he grunts and nips at your collarbone, sliding the strap of your top down your shoulder so that he can effortlessly flutter his lips over the skin. you grip at him and toss your head back against the wall. his weight on yours is divine. it makes you weak, but that doesn't matter. he's practically holding you up at this point. 

when his hand pushes under the hem of your shirt and dances over your stomach, you arch your back for more. he's gentle yet firm, pulling you close like he wants to breathe your oxygen. he's tracing over your ribcage, all the way up to the valley of your breasts, before cupping one and moaning into your shoulder. 

he kisses you again with an aching hunger that can't be satiated. your tongues meet and Wes finds your hardened nipples beneath the thin fabric of your bralette. you sigh while he starts to circle one with his thumb.  

"you're perfect." he breathes. 

you want to bask in this moment, to enjoy the shock across your skin when he reaches his hand back down between your bodies to dip below the waistband of your sweatpants, but you're just so greedy. he could make you cum over and over and it would never be enough. 

"what do you want me to do to you?" Wes is hovering over your lower stomach, dangerously close to where you need him most. he's teasing. the warmth of his skin drives you mad. his breath brushes over the shell of your ear. 

"fuck me." it's the only response you can fathom. every other instinct in your body flies out the window and is replaced by a craving to sink your proverbial (and literal) teeth into him.

but he loves it, apparently, because he pushes you back against the wall with a nearly bruising force. "I can do that." 

with those words, he quickly grabs your other leg and lifts you into his arms, bringing you to the bed and laying you delicately on the mattress while you giggle. you stare up at him with an almost daydreamy lust. his cheeks are flushed. 

you only get a second of that heavenly sight, though, before he dips down and pushes your shirt up to see your tits and kiss up the chasm between your ribs. his stubble tickles your skin, which causes you to smile. 

by the time he's pulled your sweatpants off and tossed them to the side, you're whining for him to strip down as well. 

"what is it, pretty girl?" he murmurs against your tummy. when you try to squeeze your thighs, he pushes them apart. 

"I wanna see you." your fingertips touch at his sweater. he chuckles and pulls the garment over his head. it messes up his perfect hair even more and you love it, tangling your fingers in it. he bites his lip. 

"do you want me to taste you first?" he keeps stroking the inside of your thighs and staring down at the skimpy lace that you're positive that you've already soaked. you're making him crazy with the way you roll your hips against air, against nothing, seeking any kind of stimulation. 

"I can't wait." you shake your head. as nice as it would be, you're going to implode if he doesn't fill you up soon. he drags his fingers down your clothed slit and groans when he feels just how ready you are for him. 

"let's take these off then, okay, sweetheart?" he hooks his fingers in the panties and waits for you to nod before tugging them down your legs. you whimper at the cool air that hits your core, soaked and needy. Wes stares at your body on display for him. 

as he gets back up from the floor to kiss you again, you both work to remove the rest of his clothes. his skin is perfect under your hands. his chest is warm, solid, and when he climbs on top of you, his arms rest on either side of your head.

one hand comes down to grab his own cock and stroke it a few times before lowering himself to rub it against your throbbing clit. you whimper at the pressure; he's mindless when he feels how easily you cover him in your essence. 

"so fucking wet..." he groans while rutting against you. 

"Wes, please--" your breath hitches. "put it in." 

"begging?" he teases your entrance with the head and smirks. "good girl." 

"mhmm." you're smiling, but your mouth drops open when he pushes himself inside. 

it's a heavy feeling, him filling you up. he's thick and the stretching of your walls makes him groan and rest his head on your shoulder. he kisses the skin there while diving deeper into your body. 

you're shaking slightly from the mixture of pain and pleasure, his size forcing your body to work quickly to accommodate. your eyes are squeezed shut, but you run your hands over his back and shoulders to stay grounded. it feels like a dream. 

he starts to pull out, coated in your wetness while you whimper below him, and he grabs your face with one hand in a dominant, soft gesture. "okay?"

"yeah." 

he pushes back in. the air in your lungs is practically gone at this point, he's so deep inside. your eyes roll back and push your hips up to take him at a new angle. Wes finds his pace easily, rocking into your body at a manageable pace to let you get used to the sensation. 

every time his hips roll down and he buries himself in you, he presses on your clit and sends a new shock through your body. he leans on his elbows to get closer and feel every undulation of your body. you love how his thrusts force your legs apart, how he moans your name and causes the headboard to repeatedly hit the wall while maintaining eye contact. hazel irises that rake over your features with lust. 

"you feel so good." he speeds up a little when he hits a certain spot. you can feel him deep and hard, causing a small bump to rise in your stomach with each stroke. his voice is husky and dark. like a man starved. 

"fuck..." you drag your nails down his back. he groans at the red marks that you will no doubt leave for him. 

"clingy thing, huh?" he sucks at your throat affectionately. "I come over for one thing and you can't help yourself." 

hearing Wes speak through his own panting is like listening to a secret, and you never want it to stop. he's reveling in the sordid crush of his own wants, and the way he shoves into you shows you that he has no intention of slowing down for a while. 

"I'm impatient." you smirk. he pulls away to admire your expression. 

"so am I." he kisses your lips and starts to pound into you. the juxtaposition of his tenderness and the sharp snap of his hips to yours fills you with butterflies. you love how much he wants to ruin you. 

"Wes-- oh my god!" you whimper. he grabs your hips and yanks them closer to him so he can go as deep as possible, so he can hit your cervix. 

"that's right, sweetheart," he pants. you can tell that he's starting to lose control. "say my name. I want everyone to know what a good little slut you are for me." 

the commanding tone makes your body shake. "I- I'm cumming, Wes, please--"

"please what, baby?" he taunts. his index finger is tracing over your jaw. 

you don't know what it is that you're wanting, except more. as your form shudders and tightens, walls fluttering around his cock, you lose the capacity to speak. you grind your hips against him and cry out pathetically while he pushes you back down and slams ruthlessly into your pussy. 

"cum inside-- please, I need it--" you writhe. he groans at the request. 

"fuck, yes..." he sheathes himself. "take it."

you gasp as he repeatedly hits your weakest point and spills hot ropes of his cum inside you, still thrusting in and out and whimpering into your shoulder at the clenching sensation you give his cock. it's warm, strangely delightful, nearly sending you into another orgasm sheerly from the sight. 

he mutters unintelligibly as he empties himself in your pussy, but you catch a growled "so needy," between deep moans. you're clinging to him like you'll never have it again. you might not. 

he slows down, giving shallower thrusts while riding out his high and shoving his cum deeper inside. it turns lazy and messy, both of you panting, before he finally pulls out and rolls over next to you. 

you press the back of your hand to your forehead. it's sweaty from all the work he just put you through, but you feel amazing at the same time. your eyes keep flickering from the ceiling above to his rising and falling chest beside you. his nose twitches; he turns his head to look at your face. 

although you expect him to say something, he doesn't. instead, you just stare at each other. the air conditioner rattles gently in the background. you're not sure how long this lasts, this soaking in, but he's the first to break it. 

"hey." 

you find the corners of your lips turning up. "hi." 

"do you mind if I go get something to clean you up?" he asks softly, his fingertips finding your forearm with ease and drifting over it.

"sure. bathroom is the first door on the left." 

he gets up and you watch him gather his clothes, eyes glued to his perfect form. you can't believe you just had sex with your veterinarian. you don't regret it at all. 

he wanders out of the room and your eyes follow, only to see Klimt sitting patiently by the door. 

"what are you doing, perv?" you tease as he comes over and leaps up onto the bed. his kitten paws pad over the blankets and settle into the crook of your arm. you smile to yourself, recalling how sweet the vet was with him. "hey, Wes?" you call out. 

"yeah?" he comes back into the room with a warm washcloth and a small smile on his face. 

"would you wanna get coffee or something sometime?" you bite your lip. maybe he doesn't want to go on a date, but it's worth a shot.

"sure." he breaks into a grin that makes you giddy. thank god, because you really were hoping to see him again. 

you can't wait.  

taglist (lmk about adding/removal or add yourself to the list here!): @jareids @reidsconverse @xoxomgg @may-b-a-u-shewritestoo @la-vie-en-amour1 @g0lden-cth @treat-winchesterswith-kindness @kisseslikecoffee @spenxerslut @slutforthegubes @spookydrreid @depressedgothgrl @flipper-kisses @multixfandomwriter​ @willowrose99​ @gingeraleluke​ @chasemoonlight​ @spencerreid9​ 

[dclsbaby]

mykonos-crossed lovers (part i) 🦋

🎶 playlist for part i

prologue

part ii

part iii

part iv

Summary: When you drunkenly book a girls trip to a tropical Greek island to help mend your broken heart, you would never for a second think it will take you exactly to where he is. Him. A tale of the right person at the wrong time, an overused cliché made into plots of movies you never thought would live through in your reality. Two people, still madly in love with each other, hearts still broken, suppressed by the alcohol and distractions consumed on this trip. Will they let their egos get in the way, protect what’s left of their already broken hearts, or will let their hearts speak?

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: angst?

Author’s Note: hi everyone, thank you so so much for the responses to the prologue! I am so overwhelmed and did not expect to receive so much kindness it makes me wanna cry hahaha 🥺 thank you a thousand times over! and if this is your first time getting to know the fic, I highly suggest you read the prologue before diving into part 1! This chapter is sort of a filler chapter (I know it has 2.6k words lol), it shows how (y/n) have been doing since the break up & how the trip came about, I hope it’ll make sense once you read it 🤍 thanks for reading x

Gif:

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It’s been months since you last spoke to him. Him. The thought of him still hurts. The idea of him existing without you, hurts. As much as you try to fight it, you still remember him like the back of your hand. You could draw on paper the contours of his face by memory, by instinct, like remembering your way home. He was a love you have never experienced before. Something about his magnetism seemed impossible to resist.

You and Dominic broke up nearly half a year ago. Your hopes of an amicable breakup were destroyed by him. His confusion, his anger, his frustration made it impossible for you two to stay friends. He couldn’t even begin to imagine being just a friend to you when his entire heart belongs to you. He called you selfish for leaving, he called you stubborn for having your mind made up without letting him put up a fight when he was ready to battle anyone, even you, to save your relationship.

The first few months were difficult, but the first few weeks were excruciating. You barely ate, as the numbing in the pit of your stomach constantly made you nauseous that your body couldn’t digest anything you ate. You couldn’t bring yourself to shower and get dressed, and spent days laying in bed, wallowing in sadness. Overtime, you just learn to live with the pain.

Since then, you’ve had good days, and slowly but surely stopped faking smiles and replaced them with genuine ones. But your bad days felt like hell, with your mind often teasing you with memories of him that you’ve suppressed enough to compartmentalise, then it comes back to you all at once, and consumes your entire soul. The pain is suffocating, like being crush by tidal waves, leaving you no time to run for shore, the waters dragging you, pulling you in many directions. All you could do was be still, stay paralysed, and pray that it goes away. That’s what remembering him felt like.

Then on other days, you often wonder how you were able to manage all this, with the pain still fresh whenever you think about it, but I guess we’re all guilty of pushing our feelings to the side and pretending that everything’s alright, when it’s the opposite. You’re still alive, despite it all. But you want to live, not just survive.

The truth is, you did not leave because you fell out of love. In fact, you were too in love—it’s a crime. He was your entire life. Days were spent waiting for him to come home from training and matches. Missing him during away games. Your entire happiness depended on him, and that terrified you. You weren’t happy with yourself either, and expected more out of your life. The burden of having a prosperous career, a stable income, a life for yourself that you loved, becoming too heavy to bear. You had all these dreams and goals set for yourself that you never got to actualise so you could be by his side. Your love for him was insurmountable, that you couldn’t accommodate anything for yourself. No matter how hard you tried, you will always put him first. It was natural. Even though he never asked for all your attention, you couldn't simply choose between yourself or him, because you would always choose him. Over and over.

So you did what you had to do, break your own heart, and his, to love yourself.

Since your breakup, you finally moved out of your friend’s place and got yourself a nice two-bedroom flat at the city centre with a stunning view of the city. You landed yourself a job as a junior editor for British Vogue that demands commuting to London several days a week. As you thrive in difficult situations, the breakup forced you to submerge yourself in work, mainly to avoid the pain, but it propelled you to get to where you are.

Trying to get over someone who is in the public eye was a different battle. It seemed as though everywhere you went, he’s there. You see him on billboards, TV screens, his face painted on murals, quickly becoming a tourist site. Occasionally, you would watch his games out of habit, and listen to the prideful Evertonian crowd chant his name. You witnessed his first England senior team debut, and tuned in to England v. Wales on the TV for old time’s sake. You watched him score his first senior England goal behind a screen. Your eyes welled at sight of him living his dream, poaching the ball into the net, scoring the first goal of the game, making his country and family proud. You feel the rush of adrenaline he felt as he ran to his teammates and celebrated. You can’t help but share this sense of pride, as you’ve watched firsthand how hard he has worked to get to where he is.

But on days where he isn’t on your mind, you do not want to be reminded of him. It’s difficult to cope when you encounter pieces of him that takes you back to the worst day of your life, and his.

Like last night, for instance. You had been scrolling on your social media when it was brought to your attention that a magazine had published an issue with your ex on the front cover, spotted on a night out with a blonde you don’t personally know but you could’ve sworn you’ve seen before. Perhaps another one of those so-called “influencers”, you thought to yourself. You know that you have no right to feel jealous or upset, as you broke up with him and this was bound to happen, but selfishly, a part of you had hoped that he wouldn’t find anyone else, or at least not before you did. You’re frustrated at yourself for letting him have this effect on you even months after your break up.

Succumbing to your bad habits, you give in to your impulses and pop open a bottle of red wine to calm your growing anxiety. Two glasses of wine, a takeout, and a season of Gossip Girl later, you find yourself slightly drunk, nerves calmed, and a little drowsy so you quickly change into your satin pyjamas and tuck yourself in bed.

You decide to turn on the TV for some background noise and quickly close your eyes. By some twist of fate, you hear a painfully familiar voice giving his thoughts at the end of a game he’s won. The sheer volume of his voice on the TV causes a sharp pain in your chest as you scramble to reach for your remote in the dark, with your eyes half opened. and change it to anything but a sports channel. That’s it, you thought to yourself. I need to get the fuck away.

Still drunk and not entirely aware of what you’re doing, you reach for your laptop on the nightstand. The brightness made your eyes squint a little bit, but you managed to type out a link and open a travel booking site, and scroll through different pictures of tropical islands you’re longing to get to. Anywhere but here, you thought. You selected options that you thought looked the blue-est, the most expensive, a party town, and had the most five star restaurants.

By the end of it you have booked a return flight to Mykonos for 5 people where you will be staying at a grand, luxurious 5-bedroom villa located at the party central of the island. You couldn’t be bothered to check how much it cost you. All sense of ration gets thrown out the window when you mix heartbreak with alcohol. When you told your friends of what you had just done, it was safe to say that they were surprised but absolutely ecstatic that you have booked a much needed getaway with the girls. With a three-day notice, you all quickly scramble through your closet and go on an online shopping spree to pick out your outfits for the holiday.

***

Days later, you find yourself landing on Mykonos island on a sunny afternoon.

“I can’t believe you’ve managed to pull all this off within days,” your friend says as you all walk through the pebbled entry way of your villa, and open the door. “Holy fucking shit,” another friend says in awe of the sight. The villa was filled with white interior, bright lights, wooden tables that give off beach vibes, and an infinity pool where you could swim as you watch the sunset, with a view of the blue sea. With 5 bedrooms to choose from, your friends collectively decided that you should take the master that had direct access to the pool, which you happily accepted but it wouldn’t matter anyway, as you’ll all probably stay in one room.

Once you’ve unpacked, you pull out your white cardigan and make your way out the terrace to catch a view of the sunset and have a moment by yourself. You take a deep breath of the fresh air with a hint of sea breeze as you try to take in the stunning view of the island. You are filled with gratitude as you bear witness to something so beautiful as you watch the sun sink into the blue Aegean Sea. Despite the peacefulness exuded by the view, your heart can’t help but feel Dom. You remember when he had brought up wanting to spend this exact summer in Mykonos with you, but life had other plans.

***flashback***

Dom was laying in bed with his laptop screen on his chest, an arm to support his head as he scrolled through the travel booking site. He had been looking through different options, but he has his mind set on a lovely town in Greece, Dubai’s overrated after all, he thought.

“Me, you, blue skies, tanned skin, bike rides around town, what do you think love?” asked Dom. “Where’s this?” you ask, moving closer to him as he shows you his laptop screen. “Mykonos. It’s not too far away, I’ll have enough time to rest before pre-season starts,” he replies. “That sounds like a plan,” you smile at him. “But we’ll book it closer to the summer, yeah? In case anything comes up,” you said as you plant a kiss on his cheek. He nods as he bookmarks the site and drifts off to sleep with you shortly after.

Unbeknownst to you, later that night he quietly opened his laptop and quickly booked the trip for you two as a surprise. Anything that will come in the way will just have to be compromised. He was adamant to make sure he gives you the best summer of your life, it is what you deserve after all, he thought.

***

You had forgotten about your conversation with Dom until you stood on the island. Your thoughts were interrupted by your friend’s footsteps. “Hey, you okay babe? You’ve been out here for a while,” she asks with concerned eyes. “I’m alright,” you said. “Or I will be,” you add, giving your friend a forced smile. Your friend wraps her arm around your shoulders as you two make it back inside to have an early and quiet night with the girls, exhausted from all the travel.

***

The next day you woke up a little late, with only several hours to tan before having to get ready for your dinner reservation at one of Mykonos’s famous restaurants that looks over the sea. A little frustrated at yourself for sleeping in, you went to the bathroom to wash your face, put on some light makeup, and change into your swimwear.

You join your friends who are sprawled on the sunbeds. “So, where is this place again?” you asked your friend who booked the dinner. “A restaurant by the sea located at party central babe. Everybody, I mean everybody goes here. They’ve got the best food and music,” she replies. “Think of Mamma Mia 1,” another friend chimes in. Your eyes widen at the imagery. “Better have some great alcohol too, I’m desperate for some,” you laugh. “That’s my girl,” your friend says.

***

By the late afternoon you and the girls are getting ready for dinner. Makeup bags and its contents sprawled on the floor, you had to tiptoe around makeup products and brushes, careful not to step on them. After long deliberation, you decided to dress up in co-ord that hugs your figure and fits you like a glove, paired with your favourite heels, settling for an elegant yet fun look. You decide to keep your hair down and put on some natural makeup to balance out the bold colour. After about 30 minutes of taking pictures of each other and some group photos, you finally made it out the door.

The location was spectacular. The ambience was complemented with bright lights to lighten the dim Mykonos sky that has turned a shade of dark blue, almost purple. The food was divine, a little overpriced for your liking, but it was worth it. The restaurant turns into a nightclub close to midnight, and you and your girls were eager to start your first round of drinks. Fruity drinks were passed around, made with fruits freshly picked from the gardens. Watermelon margarita was your drink of choice, partly sweet, partly sour, and just enough tequila as your first drink of the trip.

The restaurant was packed, you could’ve sworn you had seen a star of a Spanish series you’ve just finished watching on Netflix. The guests were well dressed, many had bravely eccentric taste, mixing patterns and sparkly jewellery, paired with funky footwear to add some flair. In Mykonos, you will not encounter the same judgment as you would walking down the streets back home.

Your friends stood up to dance the second the alcohol kicked in. You took your time, savouring your drink, wanting the night to last. You smile at the sight of your happy friends, so full of life, not giving a single care in the world. As you’re sitting there, observing people, you suddenly feel your chest get heavy. It’s hard to put into words what this feeling is like, but it pushes you to shut down in social settings, overwhelmed by strangers and loud music that makes your ears ring. It is a feeling of unexplained anxiety, where you need a second to correct your breathing, and calm yourself down. Not now, you thought, not here. You often feel these random bouts of emptiness since you left Dom. You try to push the discomfort away, and think of anything else but him. You stood up and walked to the edge of the restaurant by the white border wall to get some fresh air, and take in the view of calm waves under the night sky to collect some peace of mind.

You place your elbows on top of the border, and rest your head on the palms of your hands. A bystander would think that you’re a scene from a movie, a damsel in distress, longing for her love interest. But this was no movie, no fairytale, no knight in shining armour to protect you, no lover to sweep you off your feet.

Or so you thought.

Your focus on the sounds of splashing waves was interrupted by familiar footsteps, getting louder and louder as it creeps its way closer to you. The scent of the sea began to mix with an all too familiar scent of tobacco vanilla. Only one person came to mind. It can’t be, you thought.

“(Y/N)?,” his voice breaks.

It’s him.

[ayellowcurtain]

I can be your lover

Part 5

6 months later

Robbe bites the corner of his bottom lip while staring down, pulling the skin of his thumb until it hurts, ripping it off, brushing the dead skin to the ground carelessly. He grew used to just sitting here and being watched, it doesn’t bother him anymore, not too much at least.

He doesn’t know what to say. He’s been coming to therapy every week in hopes it would help him figure himself out but he feels the worst he’s ever felt.

“I feel useless.” Robbe answers the question that he didn’t get today yet. It’s always the first one so he decided to spare them the trouble. He looks through his eyelashes, finding his therapist staring at him in disapproval of using words such as useless to describe himself.

“I feel like everything is out of my control so there’s no point in trying, really.”

There’s a long silence, a slow breath out and Robbe sighs, relaxing on his chair, meeting his doctor’s eyes, finally even if he doesn’t feel completely comfortable doing so. He feels uneasy, exposed and it bothers him to have to deal with it.

“What happened?” Robbe looks at the notepad on her lap, all his stupid insecurities and mental problems probably written down for anyone to read if given the chance.

“Me and Sander had a fight.” It was the worst fight ever, with them talking over each other and loudly. Robbe loves Sander the same but it feels like it’s really the end this time. They can’t go on like this anymore, Robbe is really at the edge. “I don’t want to do this anymore but I still love him so it’s just...fucked up.”

He does some of the breathing exercises he grew used to doing in the past few months like she suggests he to do often when he’s feeling like this but he knows it won’t help this time, he’s too deep inside his head to let the anger and frustration go every time he breathes out, pretending he’s also letting go of the negative thoughts about himself. He should have cancelled this session because it’s not working, not even talking about it makes him change his mind, see things differently.

He should have stayed home and studied for his finals, it would be a better use of his time. She gives him a notepad and a pencil to do whatever he wants with it: write, draw, scribble. She doesn’t say that but it’s obviously her way to keep him from pulling more skin off his fingers. It’s already a little too late, most of his fingers are burning already but he tries to keep his hands busy anyway, drawing random shapes and lines.

Robbe puts his pencil down when there’s no more room in the page to draw.

“I need to walk away. It’s for the best for both of us. I’ll block him everywhere so I can’t see things and I’ll just let him be while he’s away. And if he ever comes back, maybe we’ll talk if he also feels like it.”

“I think you should calm down, think about it for a few days and not make a one way decision when there are two people involved.” Robbe looks at her and gives back the notepad, “I think he would like you to hear what he has to say about your decision. You two have been in an intimate relationship for a while. Not just romantically but as very close friends.”

Robbe shakes his head, putting his hands inside his pockets, closing his fingers around his thumb until it hurts, “I can’t talk to him or I’ll change my mind.”

-

12 months later

Robbe drops his keys on the little bench he bought to put right next to his door, the exact same layout as it was when he lived with Zoe and Milan (and then Senne. And Sander.). It was another long day of college and work, the last one of an endless week. He turns the lights on and takes his shoes off, kicking them under the bench. Tomorrow he will clean and organize properly. For now, he’ll leave everything as it is. The good side of living alone. The rest sucks but Robbe will never tell anyone about feeling like that. He never thought he was the type to need people around him every day, all day until he had to come home to an empty apartment every night.

It doesn’t happen that often, especially on the weekends, considering his friends are all over the city these days but it happens too often for Robbe’s liking. Zoe and Milan are out of town together, Senne offered to keep him company but they would be two grumpy and tired men so it would be useless. Jens is out of town too, Aaron and Amber are not an option - Robbe can’t have a disgustingly in love couple around anymore - and Moyo is with Britt and Noor. It’s good to be alone sometimes, he tries to convince himself as he reaches the kitchen, opening the fridge. Nothing other than the beers at the bottom excites him so ordering something for dinner it is. Robbe is starving so he makes a very quick search of his phone and decides for the italian restaurant that promises to deliver his food in less than half an hour.

Robbe opens his first beer of the night and throws himself on his couch, looking around, feeling like it’s a new place all of a sudden. Sometimes it hits him that he has his own place now. And that he’s alone. Therapy has been helpful and he can tell the difference when he’s about to have some pretty bad days in the worst possible mood and when his reality is just underwhelming in his eyes and he’ll get over it soon enough. He never thought this would be his life. It’s not a bad one but it’s not what he had planned.

He forces himself to get up once he manages to change his mindset and he takes his clothes off, leaving it on the living room so it’s closer to the laundry machine once he’s clean. He turns some music on and puts it to play all over the apartment, putting his phone down, singing along to Bowie as he shaves the scruff that was starting to get out of hand on his face, he takes a quick shower and while he’s putting his clothes to wash, his food gets home.

Robbe rushes down to grab it and thanks the delivery boy, rushing back inside, lighting some candles just because they’re there, getting dusty and old. He never bothered to buy a dinning table because there’s a small island right there. He sits on the stool and eats, staring at his food and the candle in front of them. His instagram isn’t as updated as it used to.

A long time ago Robbe decided to give himself more time offline, focusing on college and his internship and he’s been good at keeping that mindset most of the time, afraid to spend too many hours per day online, looking for what he’s still having to choose, day in and day out, to keep his distance from so he doesn’t hurt Sander even more.

But he doesn’t care as much tonight, so he takes a picture of his dinner for one and the sad candle in front of him and posts it to his stories, locking his phone instantly, putting it down to eat in peace.

He keeps glancing at it, careful like it could burn if he dared to grab his phone and check. It would be a lie if he said he doesn’t miss Sander but he has learned to live with it. Long distance wasn’t going to work. Robbe is happy for the ones that can jump out of their comfort zone but he can’t and he’s okay with it by now, after months and months of therapy. The only thing he can do is not drag other people into living life this way too if they don’t feel like it.

Sander is happy somewhere else and Robbe is happy that he’s happy. Easy as that.

He eats his food and washes the dishes he left this morning right after or else he would get too tired to do it before going to bed and he doesn’t feel like waking up to a sink full of dirty dishes. He washes his clothes and folds them once they’re dry and warm out of the drier. Plays some video games, and finally crashes into his bed, searching for some comfort movie to watch as he falls asleep. He doesn’t last half an hour watching it, he’ll have to start again if he really wants to watch this movie some other time, but thankfully he had already scheduled his tv to turn off after one hour and a half.

He miraculously wakes up only once in the middle of the night and almost as an afterthought, like he would do so often when he was younger, Robbe grabs his phone to check for any new notifications. Robbe read a lot about algorithms when he had nothing better to do one day because it felt like it’s a theme lately so he knows it doesn’t mean shit but he can’t help but stare at the first name on the list of people who watched his sad dinner stories.

earthlinggoddity

There’s the red-ish circle around his name but Robbe puts his phone down, the screen still bright staring at his mattress as he rolls to the other side, pulling the heavy comforter to wrap around him like a tight burrito, and he closes his eyes again. If he’s still thinking about it tomorrow, with an awake and fully functioning brain, he’ll watch whatever Sander posted if it’s still there. He shouldn’t do it now, half asleep or Robbe won’t be able to go back to sleep thinking about how badly he misses Sander.

He can’t remember his dreams when he wakes up, it’s like he blinked and it was morning already. He feels rested but still mentally tired or empty, one of the two.

His phone is still right next to him, under the pillow he never uses and so he grabs it, checking the notification that just popped on his screen a few minutes ago from Moyo.

What are you doing today, my friend? Felt like we could go skate, smoke a little bit, for old time’s sake.

Robbe sighs, clicking on it, opening his conversation with Moyo.

That sounds like a perfect Saturday to me, my friend. Meet in one hour? I’m still in bed…

While he waits for the answer, the three dots already dancing on his screen, Robbe shakes his head. It’s still somewhat early, just now past eleven so he wonders if Moyo had any sleep. He does sound in a great mood though, Robbe is happy for him but also envying his enthusiasm about life, so early on a Saturday morning.

Jesus Christ, bro. You used to be an early bird. Working your ass off isn’t paying off, huh? One hour and don’t be fucking LATE!

Robbe knows what changed that he’s not an early, happy-chappy human anymore but he won’t bother anyone else with that conversation again. He pushes himself up to put some clothes on and go meet Moyo, making a pitstop for a quick breakfast on his way there.

[lostinfinity1]

Fun speculations theories for The Umbrella Academy mostly the tv series (includes spoilers from both seasons and potentially the comic) They are for fun, not to be taken seriously by any means. (written August 2020)

Quick summary of the theories for those who don’t want to read with more explanations below.

1.     Five will join the sparrow academy.

2.     There will be a fight for “Time” at the end.

 First theory.

 Why would Reginald want Five back in the group? Easy.

1.     Five’s power is incredibly versatile to include in a team. Add a scene where Five discuss his first (spoilers last ep. Season 2) rewind with Reginald to thank him for the advice. That alone would increase his interest in him. I also think he might want to prevent the apocalypse on his own planet. Anyway lots of potential.

2.     Five is the only TUA member that Reginald that he didn’t seems to despise or find annoyingly stupid. (We all can relate to that, I think. That diner scene was marvelous.)

3.     To have 7 members in the sparrow academy. That one is a bit my own interpretation. That cube. Nope. I really don’t want it to be a member of the sparrow academy, maybe a guardian figure like Pogo at worst, but I want it to be an extension of one of the kids power. Like a technological based power. If the cube is out, that means the 7th spot is free. Five could take it.

Other reasons:

1.     Foreshadowing. His name is still a number. Probably going to fit perfectly with the sparrow academy since they didn’t have a Grace mom to name them.

2.     That would increase conflict between the two teams like crazy and keep TUA stuck in that timeline for a while.

 How would that happen? A rumor-like power like the one Allison has (comic spoiler from what I could find online) is also seen in the sparrow academy. A power that alter reality like that could be easy to use to brainwashed Five into thinking that his Family is the Sparrows not the Umbrellas. Easy peasy.

Now imagine Five in the Sparrow academy. That would be a hell of a ride.

The smol angry psychopathic family-obsessed old man with a bunch of kids who likely never had any kind of love or support and that probably do not see each other as family.

In a way, Five is like a glue that brings the TUA siblings together. He would act the same with the sparrow kids. That over aggressive love is what the sparrows needs. Like they might brush him off at first, but unlike most TUA Five would never back down. Bonus points if he act with one sparrow kids like he does with Vanya, (infinite bonus point if he does that with all sparrow kids), giving them advice during training (he is a pro assassin after all) and support and maybe even stand up for them to Reginald.

… And imagine the TUA sibling being sooooo pissed off that Five act like a softy while he was a meanie to them with Vanya hiding in a corner saying oops when she realises he was nicer to her and her alone.

 Second theory.

The moment Five said  “Time changes everything”, I was hooked on the character and the possibility of what it could mean. Five is the one who says that in episode 5 and I just love the potential implications of that sentence because he could be referring to himself. The unchanging Five stuck in a teenage body, never changing his name, not even his clothes. He is basically turning into “Time” itself, changing timelines every single time he jumps. His first time travel changed everything for the remaining member of the TUA creating fractures in the group. Subsequent time travels influence greatly the events that unfolded afterward.

Ending

And all good time travel plots end with a fight for Time. In this case, Time would be our adorable assassin Five. If Five powers increases and him becoming more time, I can see him be captured by bad guys (Alien? Reginald? One of the other 43 kids? The sparrow academy rogue?) either brainwashed or being used in one way or another to control time. (ex: controlled but not brainwashed by another 43 kids, being a component of a time machine that supply him with power, etc. Anything goes.) With all his siblings fighting for him (might include the sparrow kids if the 1st theory happens)

Imagine the potential. The TUA struggling to save him. Five bonding with the villain with how incompetent they are at saving him. The villain agreeing (A “you had it rough”, kinda speech). Five’s power going berserk and fast forwarding individual fights and slowmoing others fights in a chesslike mosaic. Even rewinding fights. Like I am completely sure the production team could pull off something epic. They already are.

And then someone finally reaches Five. Would like Vanya since she was always the cause of the apocalypse and with how close they are. The ending could be five choosing a timeline that is good for them and jumping. 

That was long. Hope you enjoyed it. I’m just throwing it out there because it was all I was thinking the past few days and I needed to move on. haha. Now off to work on other projects. 

[ashintheairlikesnow]

hi ash! i know you said before that you're not autistic you just did a lot of research to depict chris realistically- do you have any advice for finding resources on writing disabled characters that isn't like... horribly abelist? im writing someone with an intellectual disability from head trauma and who is nonverbal, and i want to get it right but everything online seems very autism-speaks-y. im autistic and semiverbal but i dont have an id and i want to be realistic and respectful.

I cannot speak with any expertise or sense of speaking from enough experience to be taken as an expert here, and defer as always to those with lived experience with intellectual disability!

But I will give a few more general tips for what to do when looking to write a character with a neurological makeup that doesn’t match your own, as far as what has worked for me with Chris:

1. The story should never be ABOUT their lived experience if you do not also have it. Chris’s story is not about autism, or being autistic. I would never presume to try and write a story like that because, whatever my intentions, I don’t have that knowledge that comes from living it. I would at BEST be taking the experiences of others, their voices. At worst, I would be someone standing with a megaphone shouting over those who deserve to be heard.

Making the disability what the plot revolves around is... generally just not going to be a good idea, in any sense. It’s moments like this where I feel like it’s best to defer to the writers who have lived it, instead. 

This is not to say “never write someone different than yourself”, because... I don’t think that’s at all good advice. I think that way lies stunted writers who never push themselves. But it does mean “do not center the story on this thing if you have not experienced it and don’t have that knowledge and understanding”.

2. At the same time, don’t try to be coy or dance around or hide the disability behind purple prose or refuse to acknowledge its reality. Trying to make a disability sound cute, or talk around it instead of speaking it out loud, can be minimizing or shaming in ways that I think it’s easy to miss, if you don’t live with that disability yourself! To me, this touches on one of my hugest pet peeves - characters who are written as having a particular neurodivergence in media, or shown on tv, but they never expressly admit to it or name it. 

I know I hesitated with Chris, more because I didn’t feel comfortable giving him a diagnosis until I understood autism better myself, and I do regret how long it took me to embrace that reality about him. I just thought it better to err on the side of researching before I embraced. But I do feel some guilt about waiting so long when I had readers who were identifying so heavily with him, and I kind of knew, but just didn’t feel comfortable owning it yet.

3. On a related note - disabilities in a story that become melodramatic tragedy or turn the disabled character into a ‘redemption story’ for an abled character. This is so, so prevalent in common media and pop culture and once you recognize it for what it is, it’s so hard to not see it in so many places. Think of how many movies, novels, etc contain a disabled character who exists to teach abled people some virtuous lesson about living life to the fullest or ‘what it really means to be human’ blah blah blah blah blah. Don’t do that. Please. (I mean, I kind of feel like you definitely won’t, but I’m just speaking very generally here). If you find the story going in a direction in which abled people learn something from the disabled person, please think very carefully and critically as to why the story is heading in that direction.

Language alone can also be a problem here - think about the difference between openly describing a character moving around their life with a wheelchair vs. calling them “wheelchair-bound” or “reliant on a cane”, when the cane or wheelchair may actually represent freedom to that person - an aid they need, yes, but one that allows them to live with far more agency than they might have had otherwise. 

To describe them, especially from their own POV, as “wheelchair-bound”, may ring false to disabled people who understand that the wheelchair isn’t a cage, but a tool that allows that individual person to feel less caged by being able to more freely leave home.  

(This varies person to person, just providing an example)

4. Educate. Research. And don’t just do so by asking people with disabilities to tell you their stories. I often express gratitude to the autistic readers, those with ADHD, etc who spoke up about Chris, talked about their own experiences, identified with him, found him very resonating for aspects of their own lives. 

These stories, this information, this sharing of their lives was given freely to me, and I’m fucking amazed and grateful for how welcomed Chris was, and how willing readers were to share about themselves when talking about him.

Their willingness to speak about these things is something I treasure. But I absolutely would never believe that a single person owed me the story of their life to make sure I got Chris right. That was my responsibility, you know? I try to keep in mind the concept of ‘emotional labor’. Asking a disabled person to be your resource is asking them to give, and give, and give of themself. They may want to give you that kind of labor, they may not. But I definitely wouldn’t ask it of anyone without understanding it was something they were happy or felt comfortable giving.

Research, on the other hand, is essential. You mentioned things being “autism speaks-y” when trying to research on your own, and oh god, do I feel you. It sucks that autism speaks is the first thing to pop up when trying to research the lives of autistic people - and in my research, I was lucky to already know AS sucks and write them off and anyone who heavily referenced them as not helpful. I can see how someone might not know that, though, and stumble on them and believe they were a helpful resource for writing autism when they... well. Nope. 

Try to think about the express disability you are writing for this person, and why, and then go research! I looked up “books on autism recommended by autistic people”, and found some invaluable books, yes, but also papers published online, websites, etc! Each of them vetted and looked over and recommended by autistic people, so I knew I was getting information that came from people with those experiences and that understanding. A good example - I picked up a book on the history of diagnosis and treatment of autism in the United States, mentioned it here, and @redwingedwhump recommended a book called Neurotribes... which turned out to be immensely more helpful, spot-on, and provided some really excellent foundational information I wouldn’t have found in the first book at all.

There’s a lot of information out there on Traumatic Brain Injuries and their lasting effects on individuals who receive them, so I would start there. What you’re describing sounds like a TBI with lasting effects! So I would start your research there, and also look up being nonverbal separately, as well as combining the two. Make sure you’re not just looking at the top links - often paid ads or problematic organizations that are able to pay more for better exposure - but also scanning for blogs, nonprofits, lived-experiences stories, too.

I found a lot of information on the second or even third page of results i would never have seen if I only stuck to the first. Remember the algorithm on search engines is usually showing you what other people are clicking on, not necessarily the best source.

5. This is one you the asker already know, but I want to include it for general reasons: do not ‘dumb down’ the thought processes of a nonverbal or semi-verbal person. I see this in fiction surprisingly often, and I think it’s this sense we have as abled people (’we’ just meaning I’m including myself) that being verbal is required to have a highly complex thought process, and it’s... it’s just fucking not. Speech and though are related but not completely wound around each other, and the ability to verbalize is not the same as the ability to think. 

Like I said, I know you know this, asker, but it’s something I see in fiction/media and it drives me up the wall. So I wanted to include it.

6. For the love of God, do not use medical terminology unless you actually know what you’re doing/talking about. Many disabled people or those with serious medical conditions become what amounts to experts on their own diagnoses, because they have to. They have to be experts to receive the care they should be able to rely on. If you constantly fuck up terminology - trust me - it will be noticed, and it will take people out of the story or hurt their ability to suspend disbelief while reading.

There are ways to do medical scenes/conversations with doctors that avoid falling into this problem! I would just be very very careful to heavily research before using any complex terminology.

7. This disabled person does not exist to evoke pity. They are a human - nuanced and multi-layered - living their life, and their story should always, always reflect that. I don’t really have anything else to add to that.

I would love to hear further advice from anyone with anything else to add.

[moldygreenblue]

The Killing Fields (1984)

The Killings Fields (1984) is one of the most haunting and darkest films of the late 20th century, in part because everything in the film all happened. Nominated for seven Academy Awards, six Golden Globes -and honestly, a lot of other nominations I’m looking up right now on Wikipedia that is just making me deciding to just not type it all talk about a mistake- The Killing Fields is is a film I understand why it’s always recommend to people to see at least once.

(In my case, it was less recommended, and more looking it up due to my parents -my mother mainly-  and seeing the mostly second half of the film once on television before years ago and trying to find the full version online.)

Based off the article later turn book, The Death and Life of Dith Pran by Sydney Schanberg, The Killing Fields is mainly about well, Dith Pran. Between 1973 (1972) to 1975, Sydney Schanberg is a reporter/foreign correspondent for The New York Times reporting about the Cambodian Civil War. His fellow journalist and interpreter is Dith Pran (last name Dith, first name Pran by the way) and two are basically a team, with Pran more or less the ‘sidekick’.

(‘Sidekick’, because while Sydney is one of the two protagonists, the second half makes it clear Pran is who the story is about. Which is a given, since Sydney literally wrote Pran’s name in the article’s title. The original screenplay doesn’t go with this angle though, keeping the two men as equal main characters with them getting alternated.)

As the civil war continues to rage on and gets worst by 1975 with the United States deciding to pull out as military aid, Sydney eventually gives Pran a choice about evacuating the country, for Pran’s family is deciding to evacuate. Pran is torn by his family and friendship with Sydney, but he ends up deciding to stay in Cambodia with Sydney, as Sydney decides to continue on reporting the news with few others, like Al Rockoff (photographer, American), and Jon Swain (another journalist, British). 

After the Fall of Phnom Penh and when the Khmer Rouge takes over, the four and Sydney’s taxi driver -Sarun- are capture by a few Khmer Rouge soldiers. While Sydney, Al Rockoff, Jon Swain, and Sarun are force inside a military truck, Pran doesn’t, for the Khmer Rouge wants him to just leave. Pran ends up risking his life by insisting to go with them and later on, convincing the soldiers they’re not the enemy and it works. They’re eventually let go, and after taking everything possible with them from the hotel they were staying at (except the food like peanut butter; the article and original screenplay reveals Sydney had a stash of food for emergencies and Al Rockoff didn’t bring it with them this is almost surreal) and head to the French embassy to take refugee and leave Cambodia into neighboring Thailand.

It’s eventually made clear that only foreigners at the French embassy will be able to stay and leave to the Thailand; Cambodians who took refugee there will have to leave. In an attempt to save Pran, Sydney, Al Rockoff, Jon Swain come up with a plan: forge a passport. Jon Swain has a few, and he realizes by leaving only his middle name (Ancketill Brewer; talk about a tongue twister even I can’t say it) Pran can claim it as his own.

This is where article and the film -and original screenplay- differ. In the film and screenplay, Al Rockoff has to take a photo of Pran and develop it, which is a problem because of their current conditions at the embassy is less than ideal. Even though Al Rockoff was able to get a photo for the forging, it eventually fades away. The article implies Pran has a photo on himself, as Rockoff had to use a razor blade and glue to put the photo onto the passport. However, the people in charge of the embassy catches on the plan and tell Jon Swain it won’t work because if they caught on, the Khmer Rouge would too. Rockoff himself say this is what happened, and is upset with the film change.

In both the dramatization of the film and the reality of the events, the plan fails, and Pran has no choice but to leave the embassy. Pran for the next four (and half) years lives under the Khmer Rouge regime. In what TV Tropes calls ‘Obfuscating Stupidity’, Pran has to avoid getting kill for being an intellectual and having ties to Westerners by playing dumb and being a normal poor peasant, faking a story on how he was just a taxi driver before the take over (this tactic was used by everyone trying to hide their past, including Pran’s actor, Haing S. Ngor, who lived in the regime himself before making his escape). Pran continues on keeping up the act in order to reach his goal: making it to Thailand. After years of living through actual hell,  Pran finally makes it to Thailand in 1979.

Had this been a true fictional story, no doubt Sydney Schanberg would find a way in or get someone to find a way back in to get Pran out. But harsh reality is that Sydney couldn’t do anything to save Pran, a friend who risked his whole life to make sure Sydney and others don't die. Sydney in both the film and reality after getting to Thailand and the United States, couldn’t do more than send letters to organizations about Pran. All he can do is wait for a respond, with the article revealing he gets sporadic news of Pran alive, but nothing more solid until 1979, when the news of Pran’s escapes reaches him.

The reunion itself is just a big long sigh of relief to both of them and the audience. For Sydney and Pran, they haven’t seen in other in four (and half) years, yet both of thinking of their friend in their thoughts. For the audience, with all the horror of the Cambodian Civil War and the Khmer Rouge, by the time Pran makes his escape, the audience is now hoping for glimmer of happiness for him, that he can be reunited with everyone he loves and miss. 

I first watched the film several years ago (I think maybe between 2015 and 2017; it was on late at night and I was still awake at the time). Even though I only saw the second half, I knew right away this film was truly about friendship and how war affected it; the ending made it clear to me these two men were close to one another before getting separate, and just reuniting was something both longed for. The fact the real Dith Pran Sydney Schanberg remain friends until Pran’s death in 2008 makes it all more sweet.

Having watching the film in its entirely in 2019 and again only a few weeks ago, I still stand by my belief. It’s overall, a very powerful film about one the darkest periods going on the late 20th century, ultimately telling the tale of two and their devotion for one another, even when far part. 

If one already watched the movie and wants to know more about the actual people themselves, I recommend reading The Death and Life of Dith Pran, for it goes into more detail, especially about Pran’s story of survival for the film omitted a few things for what I suspect is to save time. If one is curious about the original screenplay (for it has very interesting things; some clearly taken from the article, some I can’t tell if they were legit or fictional for the film), the sub-Reddit Screenwriting has a link to it here on a PDF file.

[aion-rsa]

The Pandemic in Pop Culture Trends

https://ift.tt/32wrfZT

The first year of the COVID-19 pandemic was both a universal and incredibly personal experience. While not everyone’s life in the first year of the pandemic looked the same, there have been some common joys, struggles, and tragedies. And there have been stories that have helped get us through the first year of pandemic. The global COVID-19 pandemic is not over, but it has hopefully reached a turning point. Multiple vaccines protecting against the worst of the virus have been developed and have begun to be (unevenly) distributed around the world, with Israel, the U.K., Chile, and the U.S. currently with the greatest percentages of their populations having received at least one dose. As we hopefully move into a less deadly phase of the pandemic, we’re taking a moment to look back at the TV series, games, movies, and other pop culture moments that brought comfort, distraction, critique, and catharsis for many in the pandemic’s first year, as well as some of the major trends and news stories that shaped the industry itself between March 2020 and February 2021.

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March 2020

NBA To Suspend Season Following Tonight's Games pic.twitter.com/2PTx2fkLlW

— NBA (@NBA) March 12, 2020

The NBA Suspends the Season (March 11th)

Many use the NBA’s March 11th announcement that the 2019-2020 season would be suspended until further notice as an unofficial start of the COVID-19 pandemic in the United States. The season would continue four months later in the “NBA Bubble,” but no one could know what the future would look like, only that things were indeed very serious for the billions-dollar professional basketball and media industry to shut down.

Everyone Watches Contagion

Though Steven Soderbergh’s pandemic thriller came out in 2011, Contagion jumped from Warner Bros.’ 270th most digitally rented movie in December 2019 to their second most rented one in February, and that trend would only continue into March. As the pandemic continued, we would see audiences turning towards more “escapist” fare, but, in the early days of this international crisis, people turned towards this matter-of-fact, fictional imagining of how a global pandemic might play out to help process their new and frightening reality.

Movie Theaters Essentially Go Dark

In addition to the immense loss of human life the COVID-19 pandemic has caused, there has also been an economic cost that will no doubt continue to impact human health and livelihood in the coming years. On March 17th, the movie theater chains Regal and AMC announced their temporary closures, an early sign of just how bad the pandemic would be for the movie theater business.

Movies in Theaters Begin Going to VOD

With movie theaters closed, studios needed to get creative about how best to distribute their movies still “in theaters.” Universal Pictures was the first to make the decision to move its new releases to a video on-demand model, bringing The Invisible Man, The Hunt, and Emma to VOD on March 20th.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons is Released (March 20th)

On March 20th, Nintendo released Animal Crossing: New Horizons for Nintendo Switch, allowing players (most of whom where stuck at home) to digitally move to an island and nurture their own community. The fifth game in the Animal Crossing series, New Horizons would go on to major commercial success. It broke the console game record for most digital units sold in a single month, became the 15th best-selling video game in history, and the second best-selling game of all time in Japan. It was also the most blogged-about subject on Tumblr in 2020!

Tiger King Drops on Netflix (March 20th)

Netflix remains the largest streaming service worldwide, with over 200 million global subscribers and roughly 74 million of those subscribers in the U.S. Because of this, when a Netflix Original becomes a hit, it usually becomes a major part of online discourse, especially in the United States. This was the case for Tiger King, the true crime (and truly wild) documentary series that dropped on Netflix on March 20th. With most watchers stuck at home, the online discourse around the show felt even more intense than usual. For a few weeks, you couldn’t throw a stone without hitting a Tiger King meme.

April 2020

Quibi Launches (April 6)

While not necessarily pandemic-specific (did Quibi ever really stand a chance?), 2020 saw the launch (April 6th) and death (December 1st) of Quibi, Jeffrey Katzenberg’s short-form streaming platform that squandered $1.75 billion in investment capital and star power like Sophie Turner, Kiefer Sutherland, Idris Elba, Chrissy Teigen, Karlie Kloss, and Laura Dern before bowing out in December.

Trolls World Tour Becomes First Movie to Break Theatrical Window (April 10)

Remember when it was radical for a movie to break its theatrical window? Yeah, that was in April, when many media professionals were shocked with Universal’s decision to release Trolls World Tour, the computer animated musical comedy sequel to 2016’s Trolls, as both a limited theatrical release and via video on demand services. The move led AMC Theatres to temporarily announce that they would no longer be distributing Universal films, but the two companies quickly came to an agreement shortly after.

Extraction was a Thing (April 24)

Honestly, every week in 2020 felt like its own lifetime. Remember when Extraction, the Chris Hemsworth-helmed action-thriller, became the most watched original film in Netflix’s history? Directed by Sam Hargrave and written by MCU vet Joe Russo, the film follows a black ops mercenary who must rescue the kidnapped son of an Indian drug lord in Bangladesh. As self-reported by Netflix, the movie was watched by 99 million households in its first month of release.

May 2020

TikTok Pops

TikTok was already firmly a thing heading into 2020, but the pandemic was when more people found it—especially the olds… by which I mean millennials. In October 2019, TikTok had almost 40 million U.S. users (and 507 million global users in December 2019). By June 2020, that number was at almost 92 million in the U.S. (and 689 million globally by July 2020). This was part of a larger trend over the course of the pandemic that saw people spending more time on their mobile devics than ever before: According to a report from mobile app intelligence agency App Annie (via Social Media Today), by the end of 2020, Americans spent more time on TikTok than they did on Facebook, and the average American now spends more time per day on their mobile device (4 hours) than they do watching TV (3.7 hours).

Avatar: The Last Airbender is Released on Netflix (May 15th)

In many ways, the pandemic has been an accelerant of global processes, and this applies to pop culture as well. While we were already seeing the rise in more foreign-language TV, including anime, and the return to some major nostalgic properties due to broader and easier accessibility because of platforms like Netflix, the pandemic really ramped that process up. When all three seasons of Avatar: The Last Airbender became available on Netflix in May, the American animated TV series that originally aired on Nickelodeon from 2005 to 2008, was discovered or re-discovered by millions of viewers, becoming one of the top Tumblr fandoms of 2020. It was indicative of a larger trend of old shows becoming new again through release on major global streaming platforms.

Read more

TV

Avatar: The Last Airbender – What Can We Expect From the New Avatar Studios?

By Shamus Kelley

TV

Avatar: The Last Airbender Co-Creators Exit Netflix Live-Action Series

By Shamus Kelley

June 2020

Buffy Lands on All4 (June 1st)

In a year where what’s old was necessarily new again, all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer came to UK streaming platform All4, and were broadcast on E4 every weeknight at 11pm. Elsewhere in the UK streaming market, the BBC iPlayer saw its best-ever quarter from April to June with 1.6 billion requests, an increase of 59% on the same quarter last year (according to a BBC press release).

Staged Premieres (June 10th)

As it became apparent that TV and film production would not be going back to normal anytime soon, many creators got, well, creative and began making things in lockdown. One of the best and most high-profile examples was BBC’s Staged, in which David Tennant and Michael Sheen play fictionalized versions of themselves, trying to rehearse a performance of Six Characters in Search of an Author via video chat, alongside director Simon Evans. The low-budget, high-charisma series is filmed in the actors’ real-life homes but, unlike some celebrity efforts during the pandemic (see March), strikes the right tonal note in relation to its subjects’ privilege.

July 2020

Ray Fisher Speaks Up About Alleged Abuse on the Justice League Set (July 1st)

Actor Ray Fisher raised his voice on July 1st in a tweet, calling out director Joss Whedon for alleged abuse on the Justice League set, and WB execs Geoff Johns and Jon Berg for “enabling” that alleged behavior.

Joss Wheadon’s on-set treatment of the cast and crew of Justice League was gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable. He was enabled, in many ways, by Geoff Johns and Jon Berg. Accountability>Entertainment

— Ray Fisher (@ray8fisher) July 1, 2020

Later, in December, Fisher would add WB exec Walter Hamada’s name to that list, following a December 11th announcement by WarnerMedia that their investigation connected to Justice League “has concluded and remedial action has been taken.”

Hamilton Blows Us All Away (July 4th)

One of the deepest cultural cuts during lockdown was the necessary elimination of live, in-person theater, which is probably one of the reasons why Hamilton, the Pulitzer Prize-winning stage musical that originally came to Broadway in 2015, made such a splash when it became available in its filmed format via Disney+. Even without a pandemic, Hamilton (and all Broadway theater) is only accessible to a select group of people, making the addition of the pop culture phenomenon in a more accessible form so very important.

Read more

TV

From Bridgerton to Hamilton: A History of Color-Conscious Casting in Period Drama

By Amanda-Rae Prescott

Movies

Hamilton: Thomas Jefferson Controversy Explained

By David Crow

Host Becomes the Most Zeitgesty Movie of 2020 (July 30th)

Another particularly impressive entry into the “filmed from lockdown” genre that sprouted up during the first year of the pandemic was British found footage horror film Host. Written and made over 12 weeks in a pandemic and based around a haunted Zoom call, few pandemic-made stories managed to nail the balance between both frighteningly topical and escapist quite so well.

The NBA Bubble Begins

Professional sports went into their bubbles, aka tightly controlled settings in which pro sports players live, practice, and play their respective seasons—to varying degrees of success. The NBA’s Disney World bubble went into effect on July 22nd for exhibition scrimmages, before launching into the final eight games of its regular 2019-2020 season and then the 2020 NBA playoffs. Twenty-two of the NBA’s 30 teams were invited to participate and ended the bubble in October with no recorded cases of COVID-19 amongst its participating players. The MLB bubble was… less successful.

SDCC @Home: WTF Was That? (July 22)

San Diego Comic-Con is one of the most important and lucrative pop culture events of the year, bringing hundreds of thousands of people into downtown San Diego to celebrate and discuss some of the largest franchises in the world. SDCC was one of the many in-person conventions that attempted to transfer its programming online in 2020 and… it didn’t really work. Part of the fun of Comic-Con is in the excitement of the crowd and the exclusivity of the events. (Though not on Thanksgiving, thank you very much.) There is nothing quite like getting to be part of a major Hall H announcement, and watching via video chat is just not the same.

August 2020

Tenet Comes Out in the UK (August 26th)

In what was largely a year without theatrical cinema in the U.S. and the U.K., a brief respite in COVID-19 cases and therefore lockdown meant a proper theatrical release for Christopher Nolan’s latest in August 2020. Sci-fi blockbuster Tenet hit U.K. theatres on August 26th, bringing in $5.3 million domestically in its first week of release and marking the first major studio release since the pandemic began.

American Sports Leagues Go on Strike to Protest Jacob Blake Shooting

Many professional sports in the U.S. came to a temporary halt when some players and teams refused to take the field or court following the police shooting of Jacob Blake, a 29-year-old Black American who was shot in the back and paralyzed by a police officer in front of his sons on August 23rd in Kenosha, Wisconsin. The incident re-ignited ongoing protests over racism and police brutality, with which many players and teams stood in solidarity. The NBA, WNBA, MLB, and MLS all postponed games as players protested Jacob Blake’s shooting.

Chadwick Boseman Passes Away (August 28th)

In a devastating loss to American culture, Chadwick Boseman, the star of Black Panther and many other films, passed away due to complications from colon cancer, a condition with which he had been living and working since a 2016 diagnosis. Boseman was one of the most successful Black actors and creators working today.

“He … knew that his voice was now strong and people were listening and paying attention,” wrote Kelley L. Carter in The Undefeated. “And he knew that even as this moment was victorious, Hollywood still needed to be called to task on the things that make this industry problematic, even as it was in the infant phases of creating a groundbreaking blockbuster with a mostly Black cast.”

September 2020

Tenet Flops in the U.S., Hollywood Abandons Ship for Fall 2020 (September 3)

While Tenet may have been a hit in the U.K., the Nolan blockbuster flopped upon its release in the U.S., where many theaters remained closed or empty through the summer and fall. The film would make around $58 million in the U.S. and Canada, prompting Hollywood studios to further push back major releases slated for the fall.

Mulan Becomes First Disney “Premier Access” Release (Sept. 4)

After several pandemic-caused release delays, Disney’s much-anticipated, live-action adaptation of Mulan became the first “Premier Access” release for Disney+, causing a bit of a stir. In the U.S. and in some other markets, Disney forwent releasing Mulan in theaters, instead offering a “Premier Access” window on Disney+ that viewers could access for an additional fee of $29.99. While the film received middling reviews from western critics, it was not received well in China. Additionally, a #BoycottMulan movement, which started out as a response to social media comments star Liu Yifei made in support of the Hong Kong police in their (sometimes violent) suppression of pro-democracy protestors, gained some traction in the lead up to the release.

Read more

Movies

How Mulan Maintains The Animated Film’s Queerness

By Natalie Zutter

Movies

Mulan: Disney Plus Grosses Exceed $200 Million? (Report)

By David Crow

I’m Thinking of Ending Things Makes People Go “Whaaa?” (Sept. 4)

As our Rosie Fletcher wrote in the “Ending Explained” for I’m Thinking of Ending Things: “[this story is] a movie, and a book, which really requires you to watch/read twice to actually fully understand.” It’s a gloriously confusing movie, and many in September dove right into the mystery chiller adapted by Charlie Kaufman from a novel by Iain Reid. As Fletcher put in her review, the film is “a perfect storm of philosophy, ambiguity and wankery.” What’s not to love?

October 2020

Trial of the Chicago 7 Debuts on Netflix (Oct. 16)

However you may feel about Aaron Sorkin, the man knows how to make a taut political drama. Trial of the Chicago 7 is a dramatic retelling of (as it says on the tin) the 1969-70 trial of the Chicago Seven, a group of anti–Vietnam War protesters charged with conspiracy and crossing state lines with the intention of inciting riots at the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. The movie has an all-star cast of dudes, and is both written and directed by Sorkin. It made many critics’ best-of-the-year lists and made a cultural splash when it dropped on Netflix in October, after a summer of American and global protests ignited by the killing of George Floyd and other Black Americans.

Borat 2 Makes (a Bigger) Fool Out of Rudy Giulilani (October 23rd)

Rarely do the paths of pop culture and politics so explicitly intersect as they did in Borat 2. The mockumentary comedy sequel came out in October, in the long, plateau-ed height of the lead up to the presidential election, and featured a scene in which Republican politician Rudy Giuliani puts his hand into his trousers in front of actress Maria Bakalova, who is impersonating a conservative journalist. While Giuliani attempted to spin the event in both the lead up to and following the release of the film on Amazon Prime, Sacha Baron Cohen told Good Morning America in an interview after the film’s release: “It is what it is. He did what he did.”

Read more

Movies

Maria Bakalova is Ready to Do Borat 3 in ‘Five Minutes’

By David Crow

Movies

Borat 2: Sacha Baron Cohen Reveals Dangerous Deleted Scene

By David Crow

The Queen’s Gambit Turns Everyone into a Chess Player (Oct. 23)

Odds are that, in October 2020, you either knew someone or were someone who watched The Queen’s Gambit and then fell hard into the world of chess. The Netflix period miniseries tracks the highs and lows of fictional chess prodigy Beth Harmon (the brilliant Anya Taylor-Joy), from her upbringing in a Kentucky orphanage in the 1950s to her time at the top of the competitive chess world in the 1960s. In its first month of release, The Queen’s Gambit became Netflix’s most-watched scripted miniseries, and sent chess set sales soaring—yet another sign of just how commercially and culturally powerful Netflix has become.

November 2020

PlayStation 5 Alleges Launches, But No One Can Get Them (Nov. 12)

Even if you aren’t a gamer, you probably heard about the release of the PlayStation 5. Though the PS5 technically became available in Australia, Japan, New Zealand, North America, Singapore, and South Korea on November 12th (and worldwide a week later), the limited supply of the console made it almost impossible to find.

As Matthew Byrd wrote in his November article on the subject: “We know that the initial PS5 shortage can at least partially be attributed to a shortage of the console’s chips (as well as distribution and manufacturing problems caused by the complications related to the COVID-19 pandemic), but as we’re already seeing in Europe where some who pre-ordered a PS5 were warned they may not receive their console until 2021, Sony faces some notable additional issues moving forward.”

This is partially a story of supply and demand, and the growth of gaming in general. According to a report by market researcher SuperData (via Venture Beat), the game industry grew 12% (to $139.9 billion) in 2020, with console games revenues up 28% from 2019. While growth is expected to be slower in 2021, as fewer people will hopefully be stuck at home, more people than ever are gtting their story fix in the world of gaming.

Read more

Games

PlayStation Bets on Big Games as Game Pass Slowly Wins a Console War

By Matthew Byrd

Games

Why PlayStation Store Closing on PS3 Should Matter to You

By Matthew Byrd

December 2020

WB Announces HBO Max Release Hybrid Model (Dec. 3)

In a move that seems to be paying off, in December, Warner Bros. announced that it would be moving to a release hybrid model through 2021, putting its entire 2021 film slate on HBO Max. As David Crow explained in our film section: “The move will put all 17 of WB’s scheduled 2021 films on a ‘hybrid’ model where films will premiere on HBO Max the same day as their theatrical release in the U.S. Technically speaking, the films will still be playing in theaters, particularly in international markets without HBO Max as a streaming option, but for the first (and most lucrative) month of their release, they’ll also be available on WarnerMedia’s streamer.”

People Actually Get to Play Cyberpunk 2077, Immediately Realize It’s Broken (Dec. 10)

Hooboy, Cyberpunk 2077. In December, after literal years of anticipation, CD Projekt released action RPG video game Cyberpunk 2077 to disastrous results. While the narrative and design of the game is ambitious and has its rewards, the rollout was plagued by performance issues (particularly in the console versions) that led to player backlash and actual lawsuits.

Read more

Games

Cyberpunk 2077 Lawsuits Explained

By Matthew Byrd

Games

Cyberpunk 2077 Roadmap Proves the Game Should Have Been Delayed to 2021

By Matthew Byrd

The Mandalorian Finale Breaks the Internet (Dec. 18)

Um, spoilers.

The second season of The Mandalorian may not have technically been the most-watched series of 2020, but it certainly felt like the most-talked-about, proving that, even in the era of streaming, there’s still such a thing as appointment television. This all came to a culmination with The Mandalorian Season 2 finale, “The Rescue,” which featured an appearance from Luke Skywalker himself.

Read more

TV

Could Durge’s Star Wars Return Lead to a Role in The Mandalorian or Book of Boba Fett?

By Joseph Baxter

TV

How The Mandalorian Challenges Star Wars’ History of Bad Dads

By Lacy Baugher

Wonder Woman 1984 Premieres (Dec. 25)

Wonder Woman 1984 dropped on Christmas Day in the United States, and quickly became the most-watched straight-to-streaming title of 2020 (knocking Disney+’s Hamilton out of the top spot), despite its middling reviews. In the U.S., it would be the first of WB’s “hybrid model” releases, getting a simultaneous release in theaters as well as on HBO Max.

Read more

Movies

Wonder Woman 1984 Star Connie Nielsen Defends Patty Jenkins’ Vision

By Don Kaye

Movies

Does Zack Snyder’s Justice League Set Up Wonder Woman 3?

By David Crow

Bridgerton Gets Saucy (Dec. 25)

Bridgerton, Netflix’s deliciously addicting period romance based on the Julia Quinn novels, also dropped on Christmas Day, and went on to become the streamer’s most watched series ever, reaching #1 in 76 countries. The Shondaland produced drama made leading man Regé-Jean Page a global star, so much so that the announcement that he would not be returning for Season 2 (as each season focuses on a different romantic pairing featuring a member of the Bridgerton family) into a bit of a meltdown. Bridgerton has already secured another three seasons—a post-Season 1 announcement that is unprecedented for a Netflix original.

Read more

TV

Why Bridgerton Had to Let Regé-Jean Page Go

By Amanda-Rae Prescott

TV

Will Bridgerton Become the Next Game of Thrones?

By Kayti Burt

Soul Brings on the Feels (Dec. 25)

Called Pixar’s “most ambitious movie in years” by Den of Geek film editor David Crow, Soul was another Christmas release that brought solace to people stuck at home, many without their families, for the holidays. Directed by Pixar vet Pete Docter (Up, Monsters, Inc., Inside Out) and co-directed by Kemp Powers (One Night in Miami, Star Trek: Discovery), the film follows middle school music teacher and pianist Joe Gardner as he seeks to reunite his soul and his body after they are accidentally separated, just before his big break as a jazz musician. 

January 2021

The Little Things Kicks Off WB’s 2021 Film Slate on Streaming (Jan. 29)

Fans of crime thriller and/or Denzel Washington and Rami Malek flock to HBO Max and theaters for the hybrid release of The Little Things, the first of WB’s planned 2021 slate.

Read more

Movies

The Little Things is Better Than a Seven Copycat

By Don Kaye

Movies

The Little Things and the Mystery of Denzel Washington’s Character Explained

By David Crow

February 2021

WandaVision Ensnares Us

Stop hogging the zeitgeist, Marvel!

In February, Disney+ released its first MCU show, WandaVision, and it broke the internet. The miniseries, created by Jac Schaeffer and starring Elizabeth Olsen as Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch, wowed audiences with its clever use of the sitcom format and superhero tropes to tell a story about grief that, for all of its fantastical elements, was oh so relatable.

Read more

TV

How WandaVision’s Doctor Strange 2 Connection Evolved

By Joseph Baxter

TV

WandaVision: The Unanswered Questions From the Marvel Series

By Gavin Jasper

Judas and the Black Messiah Debuts (Feb. 12)

Daniel Kaluuya and Lakith Stanfield lead an all-star cast in this 1960s period piece that follows the real life story of Black Panther Party chairman Fred Hampton, who was the victim of a targeted assassination by the FBI. In a year that saw an increased mainstream awareness of Black trauma, the Oscar-nominated Judas and the Black Messiah shone a cinematic light on yet another state-led historical injustice against Black Americans.

Charisma Carpenter Speaks Her Truth

In February, actress Charisma Carpenter came forward with allegations about Joss Whedon’s alleged abuses of power during her time on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel, inspired by Ray Fisher’s own efforts to seek justice and systemic reform for Whedon’s alleged behavior on Justice League.

My truth. #IStandWithRayFisher pic.twitter.com/eNjYcJ6zwP

— charisma carpenter (@AllCharisma) February 10, 2021

Joss Wheadon’s on-set treatment of the cast and crew of Justice League was gross, abusive, unprofessional, and completely unacceptable. He was enabled, in many ways, by Geoff Johns and Jon Berg. Accountability>Entertainment

— Ray Fisher (@ray8fisher) July 1, 2020

Pokemania Returns

Many older millennials have spent their time during quarantine reconnecting with their childhood faves. This culminates with a massive renewed interest in Pokemon cards to the point where McDonald’s Happy Meals with Pokemon cards as toys sell out instantly.

Read more

Sponsored

How Pokémon Snap Helped Pioneer the Photo Mode Era

By Matthew Byrd

Sponsored

Why Pokémon Has Endured For 25 Years

By Alec Bojalad

Did we miss anything? What have been the stories and pop culture trends that have helped get you through the pandemic so far? Let us know in the comments below.

The post The Pandemic in Pop Culture Trends appeared first on Den of Geek.

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By Drew Shepherd

“You’re so judgmental!!!”

That’s the response I get when I delve a little too deep into my analytical side.

I’m somewhat of a perfectionist myself, so it’s no surprise that I hold others to my own lofty standards. And that’s one of many flaws I’m still working on.

There are certain times, however, when I’m unapologetic in my ways. And as you can see by the title of this article, this is one of those times.

The ability to screen out promiscuous women is one of the most valuable skills any man can have. It keeps you from wasting precious resources on a girl who couldn’t care less about you, and it protects you from being yet another clueless man in the dark.

A girl who sleeps around is never a good choice for your investment. And no matter what our culture tries to prove, the truth is that past sexual experience will always affect future relationships for the worse.

That’s why I created this list of 15 red flags to look for when you evaluate a potential partner.

This list is by no means exhaustive, and I’m sure there are plenty more signs you should be aware of too. But this one is intended to be a relatively quick check, and I’ve tried to limit it to signs you can notice within a few weeks at the most, or that you can easily find out with a scan of her social media.

Now I’m sure both you and I will catch some flak here for being “judgmental”, but remember, it’s not wrong to look out for your own interests. And in order to protect those interests, you need to discern the character of the people closest to you.

Being judgmental is assuming people’s character based on qualities outside their control. Discernment is deducing their character based on info they freely provide.

Only a fool would need a DNA test on an apple tree to confirm what it is…

Smart people just look at the fruit.

The 15 Red Flags Every Man Should Know

#1 She can’t stay at home. / She’s a party girl.

What it means: She needs excitement.

If she can’t enjoy a quiet night at home, walk away.

These kind of girls seem fun and interesting at first, but their lifestyle gets old fast. Plus there’s no telling how many intoxicated guys have taken their shot at her.

So find a girl who would rather read a book, watch a TV show, work out at home, cook a new meal, or talk to her friends on the phone.

“But that doesn’t sound like fun…”

No, most guys would say it doesn’t. But you know what’s more important than fun in relationships?

Stability.

A girl who runs out of her place every night has a need for excitement. And that need will find a way to bite you.

Sure, everything will be great when you’re both in a good mood, but what happens when she gets bored, or worse, when she’s unhappy?

If she needed excitement before she met you she will need it afterwards. And those thrills won’t be limited to a few drinks with the girls.

Most people are plenty fun when you get to know them anyway. So instead of worrying about that, ask yourself some more important questions:

Will she be there during a rough patch in your life?

Will she say “no” when a bigger fish comes along?

Does she avoid situations where she’ll be unnecessarily tempted?

Those are the questions you want answered (indirectly of course—actions speak louder than words).

Work on all those first. Then you can talk about fun.

#2 She has too many male friends.

What it means: She’s addicted to male attention.

Notice I said friends here and not acquaintances.

There’s nothing wrong with a woman having a conversation with a man. And if you do have a problem with that, you’re too possessive. A woman making small talk with her male coworker isn’t cause for concern.

But if she has close relationships to other guys, and she consistently talks to them about personal issues, that’s when you should be worried.

The true number of platonic male-female relationships is very small, and most of them only exist due to special circumstances.

But for the most part, men and women do not just become friends.

The truth is that the two sexes are equal, but different. And it’s tough for us to form close bonds outside of a romantic or sexual relationship.

Any girl who has tons of guy friends is bad news because almost all of them are attracted to her. And since she hasn’t made an effort to turn them down, it means she’s addicted to their attention.

If you don’t meet the requirements of such a popular girl, she’ll eagerly pick a replacement from her pool of waiting “friends”.

#3 She has tattoos or piercings on interior body parts.

What it means: She’s impulsive.

I’ve never been a fan of tattoos, so I wouldn’t look for a significant other who has any. But this red flag is more about the positioning of the ones she has.

If a girl has tattoos or piercings on any interior body parts (i.e. her upper thighs, torso, etc.), it is not a good sign. And here are only a few reasons why:

Someone had to put it there

People don’t get tattoos to cover them up

She makes long-term decisions based on short-term results

It’s just a terrible choice all around. Why would you taint the natural beauty you have with a man-made distraction?

It doesn’t make sense to me.

But in a way, I guess you should be happy when you see a girl like this. She’s made your job easy by effectively saying, “Don’t take me serious.”

#4 She’s a (moderate to heavy) drinker. / She does recreational drugs.

What it means: She allows unnecessary temptation.

Contrary to popular belief, human beings are not inherently good. And when given the choice, we will always be inclined to do what’s morally wrong.

Many times our conscious thought overrides this inclination, but whenever alcohol or drugs are involved, that inhibition goes out the window.

The point here is related to the first red flag about party girls—she allows herself to be tempted. And why would you ever trust a girl who intentionally lowers her self-control?

You are playing with fire and you know it.

Yes, crimes like theft will always be wrong, but we all have a responsibility to lock our doors.

#5 She’s a man hater. / She tests you to see if you’re man enough.

What it means: She lacks healthy relationships with the men in her life.

“All men are blah blah blah…”

“Guys only care about blah blah blah…”

“Men don’t deserve blah blah blah blah blah…”

Yeah, it’s annoying.

Man haters are the worst. I understand that some of us really are terrible, but if every guy she meets is like that, take a look at the common denominator.

Yes, I’m tough on the opposite sex sometimes, but even I know that there are fantastic women out there.

You can’t let the good ones convince you that all girls are sweet and innocent, and you can’t let the bad ones blind you to the praiseworthy women either.

The same is true about our side.

So if a girl always complains about the men in her life, she’s either still bitter about a failed relationship, or she presents herself as an object for men to lust after.

#6 She can’t put her phone down. / She’s addicted to social media.

What it means: She craves attention and drama.

The online version of too many male friends.

A smart girl knows that male attention doesn’t result from her “amazing personality”.

The number of friends and likes she gets is directly proportional to how attractive people think she is.

This stuff is honestly common sense by now but you still see the same thing all the time. A fairly attractive girl only has to post a few pictures, and boom, she’s got 50 dudes trying to hit her up.

She probably won’t give any of them the time of day—unless one of them is like, so hot—but at least she got her daily attention fix. Plus she’s found a new group of reliable “friends” to support her.

It’s ridiculous. And don’t even get me started on the drama.

If she’s more interested in her phone than she is in you, don’t try to change her mind.

#7 She’s comfortable in revealing clothes. / She’s insensitive to male touch.

What it means: She’s used to it.

Do you really think she dresses that way for you?

Do you honestly believe it’s normal for guys to hug and hold her like it’s no big deal?

She’s used to it, man. And even if she isn’t promiscuous now, it won’t take much effort for her to get that way.

But going back to her style of dress, you might believe her choice of clothes doesn’t matter anymore. You think that times have changed, and this girl is different. So different in fact that she’s above all of human nature.

Yeah, keep believing that.

The reality is that men are visual creatures. And both men and women instinctively know that the way a women dresses determines the type of attention she gets.

Our society doesn’t like to acknowledge that fact nowadays, so we try to ignore it as best as we can.

Instead, we say she has high self esteem, that she deserves to show off her body. And if you don’t like it, you’re living in the past.

But please don’t buy the “I’m-proud-of-my-body-so-I-need-to-be-half-naked” excuse.

People who are comfortable with a fit body, or great wealth, or whatever else they have don’t feel the need to show it off. They rest assured in the knowledge that it’s there.

The only people who show off are the ones who need validation. And they always need it from multiple people.

So if any girl shows too much skin, or if she’s fine with being hugged or touched any kind of way, you need to reconsider.

#8 She believes that things just happen. / She follows her heart. / She’s in love with “love” and relationships.

What it means: She lacks emotional control.

These girls are tricky for inexperienced guys, so let me explain.

It feels great at first to be the focus of a girl’s undying love. And the highs of having a beautiful woman enraptured by you is something straight outta the movies.

But guess what?

You will never be the only one.

You just happen to be her drug of the month. And all it takes is a more attractive or manipulative man to change her loyalties.

That is the dark reality of girls who “follow their heart.”

So instead of chasing a girl who’s crazy….about you, find a girl who tempers her heart with her head.

Don’t be afraid of love. Just make sure it’s the real thing first.

#9 She uses profanity.

What it means: She doesn’t value purity.

I don’t like profanity.

Sure, I went through a phase where it was cool to sprinkle in some “sentence enhancers”, but even then it still felt wrong.

Pure speech is something I value now, and it really does bother me to hear people—male or female—casually drop f-bombs. I don’t give them a stare or anything, but I know that profanity usually indicates that something is off in your life.

That’s one reason why I never use profanity on this site. Out of all the posts on HFE, I haven’t used a single curse word, and I plan to keep it that way.

But getting back to the meaning of this red flag, it just shows a lack of class.

If a girl doesn’t have the decency to control something as simple as her conversation, think about how ugly the rest of her lifestyle is.

#10 She’s friends with known promiscuous women. / She takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities.

What it means: She won’t be shamed for sleeping around, and she will probably be encouraged to do so.

Men compartmentalize their friends.

Of course not every guy is the same, but usually he’ll have his videogame pals, his college study group, his boys from work, his basketball squad, his fantasy football crew, and so on.

And what’s funny about all these friend buckets is that they usually include men from all walks of life.

You’ll have a mix of low income guys, wealthy guys, smart guys, dumb guys, you get the point. But as long as they all have that one thing in common, they don’t really care about much else.

Women are different.

Almost every girl I know has friends who are very similar to her. Everything from the way they dress, to the grades they get, to the income they earn, to the guys they like, and even their political stance—it’s almost always the same.

While men care more about the one activity they have in common, women focus more on similar lifestyles.

And now you see where I’m going.

You may not be able to tell if she sleeps around, but if you know her friends do, it’s a giant red flag.

Even if this girl is completely innocent, she knows her friends won’t look down on her if she does indulge, and that’s why she’s surrounded herself with them.

It’s even worse if she takes an interest in promiscuous celebrities. They’re just like her friends who get around but with additional influence and social status.

If [blank] can do [blank] and still be [blank], why can’t she?

#11 She uses New Age lingo. / She’s into horoscopes.

What it means: She won’t take responsibility for her actions.

If you meet a girl who always goes on about people’s “energy”, the workings of karma, or the meaning behind her horoscope, you need to run and run quickly.

I have numerous reasons why I wouldn’t get with a girl like this, but one of the more practical ones is that she won’t take responsibility for anything.

The stars are what drive her behavior, and she will be justified in spiting you because her negative-energy-sense was tingling.

It’s bad enough dealing with people who can’t control their impulses, but if she truly believes that “the universe” is causing her actions, avoid her at all costs.

#12 She has no discernible skills outside of her physical appearance.

What it means: She’s going down the wrong career path.

Everyone needs money. And if that need is not met, people will resort to all kinds of evil to meet it.

If this particular girl doesn’t have any marketable skills outside of being “hot”, she is going down the wrong road.

Eventually she will…

A. Find some way to make money off her appearance

B. Get bailed out by another man, or…

C. Be left in a financial hole when her beauty fades

Now you could argue that A wouldn’t be too bad of a scenario depending on the work involved (e.g. innocent modeling), but none of these are favorable to her developing a solid set of skills when she had the chance.

Not only has she put herself in a position where her beauty can be abused, but she’s also shown that she’s fine with being a drain on people’s resources.

That’s not good.

Everyone needs a strong work ethic, no matter who they are. And if she doesn’t have one, she’ll be pressured into compromising situations.

#13 She rushes the relationship. / She’s a little too perfect. / She tries too hard to seem like a good match.

What it means: She’s overcompensating.

Another tricky one here.

The average guy won’t deal with many girls like this, but the name of this site isn’t Hunger for Average, so you need to look out for this one.

As you start to care more about your appearance and get your life in order, you’ll notice that girls will seemingly come out of nowhere. And the ones you were invisible to before will make it obvious that they’re interested.

Sounds great right?

But the problem is that some of these girls won’t have the best intentions.

Almost every semi-attractive girl has been treated like a princess her whole life (and that’s one reason why a man who’s trained himself to be immune to beauty is so attractive to them).

But the side effect of this treatment is that many women expect partiality from every guy they meet. So now when they see you—a man who’s in good shape and has his life together—they don’t see a person, but rather, a tool who has the means to carry “her highness” through life.

This is particularly an issue with a girl in her late 20’s or early 30’s. Her internal clock is ticking and she knows she has to find a man before her beauty fades.

But you can’t let her clock dictate your life.

People get burned all the time by making hasty choices. And it’s a known manipulation tactic to rush people into big decisions.

Yes, there will be girls who genuinely like you, and they’ll be eager to start something special together. But you need to be aware of the other scenario too.

Beauty doesn’t get ignored. And if an attractive girl hasn’t locked down a man by this time in her life, it’s very possible that she used her beauty for other means when she was younger, and now she’s scrambling to find a man who doesn’t know any better.

Of course this isn’t always the case. Breakups happen and some people just have an unfortunate streak with relationships. But barring any significant change to her appearance, and without any other special cause, the former is a real possibility.

Remember that your interests are important too. And you are not obligated to take any dude’s leftovers simply because she needs a man now.

“But she’s changed! She’s not like that anymore! And she’s committed to doing better!”

That’s great. And I applaud her. But that doesn’t mean you owe her a relationship.

I’m all for acceptance and forgiveness, but I also know that forgiveness isn’t the removal of all consequences.

#14 She accuses you of being promiscuous, or worse, tries to prove you are.

What it means: She’s telling you how she would act if she was in your position (a.k.a. projection).

A girl who makes accusations like this doesn’t understand how any decent looking person could say no to their suitors. Especially since she could never hope to do the same.

You’re just a stupid boy who couldn’t possibly deny easy pleasure, and it’s her job to prove that assumption right.

It’s all so silly.

I’ve dealt with girls who tried to find faults that weren’t there and I had a real good laugh afterwards.

But while it is funny that a former acne-faced, overweight, emo guy would have to convince anyone he’s not about that life, I am very serious about guarding my integrity.

So if any girl accuses me of something like this, I know we need to part ways.

#15 Your gut tells you so.

What it means: You’re not comfortable with her.

Attraction is weird.

The first time anyone sees a person they like, comfort is nowhere to be found. There’s excitement, there’s anxiety, and there’s interest—not comfort.

But that all changes as time goes by.

The more you get to know someone, the more comfortable you feel around them.

The guy you thought was an antisocial creep just happens to be the life of the party. The girl you thought was such a snob before is actually kind and warm-hearted. And this new familiarity generally leads to more comfort.

But if time passes and you still don’t feel comfortable around this girl, it’s a bad sign. Your body is subconsciously telling you that something about her is off. And you know deep down that you can’t trust her.

“But didn’t you just make fun of girls and their ‘negative-energy-sense’? So how is it okay for guys to do the same thing?”

Because what I’m talking about here isn’t just a feeling. What I’m describing are physiological changes that happen solely because of this person.

Yes, it sounds far-fetched, but if you are fine around every person except her, something is wrong. And I’m not talking about a few butterflies in the stomach here.

If you start breaking a sweat when she shows up, if your sleep schedule suddenly changes, and if you’re always on your toes around her, your body is in alert mode. And instead of being able to work, or perfect your craft, or do anything else, you will constantly be thinking about her.

But again, don’t confuse this with some middle school crush obsession. This is about a girl who won’t give you any assurance that she is committed to you.

You will have to do everything to keep the relationship afloat, and that always leads to disaster. The minute you fall short in her eyes your worst fear will come true.

Of course you still want to be as attractive as possible to make her decision easy, but if the success of the relationship depends solely on you, find someone else.

Good leaders set an example for others and create a vision for the future…

They don’t do all the work.

Successful relationships will always take effort, but if you can’t relax at all with her, it’s a bad sign.

Weed ‘Em Out

So if you read this whole post, you’ve probably noticed a theme here.

All of these are signs that stem from a lack of one character trait:

Self-control.

This list is all about discerning if a girl has that one critical trait.

If she doesn’t have it, don’t try to change her, don’t make excuses for her, and please don’t waste time thinking about her. Just walk away.

And if you have a hard time doing that, ask yourself if you would help a man who acted the same way.

Sure, this may all seem cold-blooded, but when the stakes are this high, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. There is simply too much at risk when you choose a long term partner. And if you can’t trust someone you’ll eventually think about marrying, you need to end it as soon as possible.

No amount of beauty is worth the headache and embarrassment. If a woman’s actions show that she doesn’t respect you, move on and find a girl who does.

Just remember that nothing here is foolproof either. Some girls are crafty and they won’t show many of the signs listed here—but that’s okay.

The point isn’t to catch every girl who’s like this. The point is to save time by weeding out the easy ones. And once you do that, you’ll be closer to finding a girl who’s worth the investment.

So be smart, stay strong, and have a little fun too. It’s easy to get too serious about things like this, but keep a good attitude and you’ll be fine.

If you know what all to avoid, just imagine how much you can cherish a keeper.

-Drew

[avengerscompound]

Date Night

Date Night: A Captain America Fanfic

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  4095

Warnings:  Smut (Bi MMF threeway, oral, anal and vaginal sex, tit fucking)

Synopsis:  After a series of bad dates Bucky and Steve proposition you.

Date Night

Friday night is date night.  Well, that is if it’s not 'save the world' night.  While the world currently desperately needs saving, there is not much you can do about it using your fists.  So date night it is.  

Too bad men are all shit.  Alright, so maybe that’s a little harsh.  Steve and Bucky aren’t shit. They have each other though.  Rightly so really.  It’s only fair that they get each other.  Good people should be with good people.  It’s just a shame that what you’re getting is a series of assholes.

You slouch into the communal living area of the Avengers compound after one particularly bad date to find Bucky sitting on the couch watching a movie.

“Hey, doll.  You’re home early.”  He says smiling up at you.

“The guy was a complete douche.  He ordered my food for me.  Then said that I was wearing too much makeup and that he like natural women.”  You groan.  “I am so glad I drove myself.”

Bucky pats the couch and you go sit next to him, curling your legs up under you and resting your head against his chest.  He strokes his fingers through your hair.  “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.”  He says.

“Oh no, he does.  I told him how I have no gag reflex and I can put my knees behind my head before I left.”  You say.  Bucky laughs, his whole body shaking under you.  

“You stole my spot,”  Steve says, entering the room.

Bucky sits up a little, making room for Steve on his other side.  “There’s enough of me to go around.”  Bucky teases.  Both you and Steve poke Bucky in the ribs.

“Bad date?”  Steve asks.

“You know it, Rogers.”  You get up.  “I’ll leave you to it.  Thanks, Buck.”

He winks at you and you head to bed.

The following Friday you brave the dating world again. Agreeing to meet up with someone you met online.  This had to be the worst date you’ve ever had.  The guy was handsy and the way he spoke to you made you feel like he didn’t actually see you as human.  

You broke down in tears when you made it home and when you stepped into the kitchen to go pour yourself the biggest drink you could, Steve was already there making hot cocoa on the stove.  He turned to greet you and when he saw your face he moved the pot off the heat and wrapped his arms around you.  You melted into his chest, completely breaking down.  

“Hey what happened?”  He asked.

You shake your head.  “I can snap a man’s neck with thighs.  They shouldn’t be able to get to me like this.”

“Buck and I are going to watch a movie in the cinema room.  Come join us.”  Steve says.

You shake your head again.  “Fridays are your special time.  I don’t wanna be the third wheel.”  

“It’s fine.  You shouldn’t be alone.”  Steve soothes.  “I know Bucky won’t mind.”

You pull away from him.  “I’ll be okay.  I’m just going to drink and then sleep it off.  We can hang out tomorrow.”

The mission you’re sent out on the next Friday feels almost like a relief.  No pressure to be with people you don’t like.  The Friday after that you decided to stay home.  You spend the night in your room.  Just before you decided to go to sleep you slipped your hand into your panties and start to roll your fingers over your clit.

You struggle to think of something to get you in the right frame of mind.  When the idea of Bucky and Steve forces itself on you.  You kind of hate that you think of your two closest friends like that.  They’re gay and not meant for you.  But they are so hot and so kind.  The idea of them naked and sweaty and fucking you together and separately, the thought they could be both rough and gentle, their arms holding you, is a huge turn on.

Your cunt tingles and heat floods you as you get wet just from the idea of them. You push a finger inside of your pussy as you continue to work your clit. You remember the sounds they make, you can hear them through the wall.  How vocal they get.  The idea of them making them because of you.  You cry out as an orgasm washes over you.  There’s a thud on the wall.

“We can hear you, you know?”  Bucky’s yells, his voice muffled.

Your first thought is ‘did you say either of their names’.  No.  No, just random sex noise.  It’s fine.  “Now you know what it’s like sharing a room next to you two.”  You yell back.  

“Oh god.”  You hear Steve say.

“I don’t need a reenactment.”  You yell.

You hear Bucky laughing.  You fall to sleep with a huge grin on your face.

Friday rolls around again and you go on a date with someone Tony set you up with.  He was fine, but there was no chemistry.  He seemed more into showing you how much money he had than actually caring if you were enjoying yourself.  

You head to the cinema room only to find Steve and Bucky already in there.  They’re snuggled up eating popcorn and they crane their heads around to see who just came into the room.

“Sorry guys, I’ll leave you to it.”  You say, backing out.

“Don’t be stupid.  We don’t own the room.”  Steve says.

You go to sit down beside them and instead they move apart and gesture to you to sit between them.  You flop down and they each put an arm around your shoulder.

“How’s our best girl?  You have another bad date?”  Steve asks.

Oh god.  They feel sorry for you.  Great.  Just great.

“It wasn’t so bad.  He was just a little more into himself than me.”  You say.  “Thought I might just watch a movie so I didn’t go to bed feeling sorry for myself.”

“You want us to change it?”  Bucky asks.  “What were you gonna watch?”

You laugh and blush.  “No this is fine.  I don’t think your 1940′s sensibilities would cope with what I was going to watch.”

Bucky puts his hand on your thigh and squeezes.  It’s his cybernetic one and it kind of hurts.  You squark and hit him.  “We were both in the army.  Don’t get TV mixed up with reality, doll.”  He says.

You look from Bucky to Steve.  “I was gonna watch porn.”

“In here?”  Steve asks.

You look at your hands. “I lock the door.”

“You’ve done it before?”  He says, wide-eyed.

You nod.

“I have to sit on this couch,”  Steve says.

You start giggling.  “I was in the army.”  You say, putting on a deep voice.  “Nothing you can say can shock me.”

Bucky hugs you and kisses you on top of the head.  “Okay, we’ll stick with what we’re watching.”  He says.

Another Friday night and another bad date.  This time you get home really late though.  You head straight to bed and are greeted by the sounds of Steve and Bucky fucking on the other side of the wall.  You’d be annoyed only you’re just glad someone is getting some action in the compound tonight.

You skip the date for the following Friday.  You haven’t seen Steve or Bucky around all day, so you assume they’re out.  You make your way to the cinema room only to discover you’ve given two of your best friends ideas.  There is porn playing on the big screen and Steve and Bucky have their chairs set to recline and are curled up together.  Bucky is kissing Steve’s neck and you can hear the faint panting sounds Steve is making.

“Holy shit!”  You say.  “Guys!  Lock the fucking door!”

You start to backtrack your way out of there.  You step through the door and the realization comes to you that that was not gay porn.  There was a girl.  You stand at the door considering going back in and asking them what the fuck was up with that.  If they were just watching you’d go back in there. They weren’t just watching though.

You head back to your room and just decide to get into bed.  The thought of them together like that won’t leave your head though.  You try watching a movie.  You try reading.  Your head keeps going back to the fact they were getting off on a guy fucking a woman.  That Steve Rogers was watching that while Bucky kissed him and stroked his cock.

Your hand goes into your panties almost on its own accord.  This time as you think about them with you and your fingers bring yourself to orgasm you cry out their names.

The timing is terrible.  They were walking outside your door and misunderstood the cry.  They burst into your room and the look of shock on both their faces is reflected back in yours.

Bucky breaks the awkwardness by bursting out laughing.  You pull your comforter up over yourself.

“You guys just going to stand there staring at me?”  You ask.

Bucky grins and pushes the door closed.  “Guess what?”  He says.

“What?”

“You’re in our fantasies too.”  He answers.  Steve looks mortified.  He grabs Bucky’s hand and shakes his head.

You furrow your brow.  “What?”

“Sometimes.  Actually quite often.  We talk about things we’d like to do.  You know how talking about things, even if you don’t think you’ll actually do them kinda, gets you in the mood?  It’s also nice to know what the other person is into.  You know?”  Bucky says coming over and sitting on the end of your bed.  He sits cross-legged looking at you.

“Buck,”  Steve says.

“What?  You don’t want to, Stevie?”  He says.

“Don’t want to what exactly?”  You ask narrowing your eyes at him.

“I dunno, doll.  You called out our names.  What do you want us to do?”  He says, a half-smile playing on his lips.

You pull your legs up to your chest.  “You’re gay.”  You say.

“No, we aren’t.”  Bucky shoots back.  “Tell us.  What were you thinking?”

You shake your head.

“What if we go first?  If Steve can say it you can?”  Bucky says.

“Okay.  You go first.”  You say.

Bucky grins and he runs his hand through his hair.  “I would actually really like to watch Steve with you.  Oh god, I’d love to eat you out.  It’s been so long since I’ve done that to a gal.  I sometimes imagine what you must taste like.  You do too, don’t you, Steve.”

Steve nods but won’t look you in the eye.

“I think what my biggest fantasy is that involves all three of us is for me and Stevie to both be inside you at the same time.  I know that’s something that someone might have to work up to, but damn, I’m kinda getting a little hard thinking about it.”  He adjusts himself a little as he talks.  So do you.  Your cunt tingles from his words and you squirm a little where you sit.  “What about you, Steve.  You want to tell her what you told me?”

You look over to him and he looks at least as awkward as you feel.

“I - I want to…”  Steve stutters.

“Steve it’s a safe space.  She’s our friend.  I’m here.”  Bucky says.  It’s obvious that he’s used to this coaxing of Steve.  That he needs to know he’s safe from ridicule and rejection.  It’s strange seeing him like that.   He’s always so sure of himself.  The eternal leader and decision-maker.  Seeing him so afraid over what is really just some friends talking about sex. It makes you see him as he would have been way back before he was given the Super Serum that made him Captain America.  You can see the skinny kid Bucky talks about sometimes.  The one who had trouble talking to girls and wouldn’t admit his feelings for his best friend.  Who now is having trouble admitting his feelings for another friend.  It makes you love him just that little bit more.

“It’s okay, Steve.  I want you too.”  You say.

“I want what Buck said.  But I also want to push my dick up between your breasts.  I want to suck on them too.  You’re really beautiful.”  He says.

“Now it’s your turn, baby doll,”  Bucky says, reaching out and running his hand down your leg.

You take a deep breath.  “I think about your arms wrapped around me, both at once.  How you could easily move me from one of your dicks to another.  Oh god, I want you both inside me so badly. I want to be the one that makes you make those noises you make for each other.”

“Can I kiss you?”  Bucky asks.

You nod and he crawls over to you.  As he brings his face to yours, you run your fingers through the scruff on his jaw.  He smiles at you and it’s like a light goes on behind his eyes.

His lips touch yours.  He’s soft and gentle and patient with you.  Letting you guide what happens.  Your mouth opens just a little his tongue traces over your top lip.  You deepen the kiss.  You hands going into his hair.

He slides his hand to your breast and you start feeling light-headed and warm all over.  The mattress dips more and a second set of hands is on you.  You pull back from Bucky and he turns to Steve and pulls him into a kiss.

You’ve seen Steve and Bucky kiss before, but not like this.  Normally in public, they are more flirty and sweet.  They don’t do it when they think people are looking either.  You have to catch them.

This.  This is something else.  It’s deep and passionate.  They’re not holding anything back.  Not their love for each other.  Not the fact that despite how long they’re known each other, how much they’ve shared, they still are deeply in lust with each other.  Not their excitement for the situation they’re currently in.

You shift your legs apart a little and run one of your hands up Bucky’s arm and the other up Steve’s.  They pull away from each other and Steve pounces on you.  You don’t even have a chance to prepare yourself, his mouth is just on yours.  Hungry and excited.

Bucky pulls the comforter off you and pushes it to the end of the bed.  He shifts your legs apart and starts kissing up your calf.  Your legs start to shake in anticipation.  You feel like a live wire.  Everything exposed and buzzing.

“Are we really doing this, baby doll?”  He asks.

You break your kiss with Steve and moan.  “Yes.  Oh god.”

“Stevie?”  Bucky asks.

“I want this,”  Steve says.

You pull your t-shirt up over your head, exposing your breasts to them.  Steve smiles and puts his hand on one, stroking his thumb over your nipple.  He kisses you again, but it’s brief and impatient.  His mouth moves quickly, down your neck and along your collarbone until he moves it to his desired destination, clamping onto your nipple.  You moan loudly, your hand going to his hair as he sucks at it.  The pressure he creates is intense, his tongue pushes on the hardened nub and circles over it.  He uses his teeth.

Meanwhile, Bucky has kissed his way up to your inner thigh.  He hooks his fingers into the waistband of your panties and yanks them down.

You take a sudden breath in as cold steel touches the hot, wet of your pussy.  He strokes his fingers up and down your folds.  He moves his face to your pubic mound and inhales deeply.  When he releases his breath he hums.  His tongue slips between your labia and his laps upwards.  When it reaches your clit he circles it and teases it with the point before he sucks the nub into his mouth.

You’re already on the precipice of orgasm.  It feels like your blood is boiling.  You can feel your pulse racing in your ears.  Bucky pushes one of his fingers inside of you and curls it.  Steve gets up and starts removing his clothing, you watch him as he exposes his smooth, perfectly sculpted chest. As he undresses, Bucky stops licking at your clit.  He cocks his head like his listening closely to something.  His finger still slowly strokes inside you and when he touches on your g-spot you hiss.  He smiles and goes back to tonguing at your clit.  However, now he also focuses his metal finger on your g-spot. Pushing hard on it and curling his finger, so it rakes over that sweet spot inside of you.

Steve takes off his pants and you let out a deep shuddering breath as you assess him.  He is huge and perfect.  The serum obviously worked on all of him.  He sees the concern in your eyes and he looks embarrassed.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”  He says.

You shake your head and beckon him to you.  He crawls back up onto the bed and kisses you.  As you kiss, you take his cock into your hand and begin to stroke it.

Bucky pulls his fingers from you and grabs your legs.  He pulls you down so you’re lying flat on your back and returns to licking and stroking your cunt.  Bringing you closer and closer to orgasm.

“Steve.”  You moan, breaking your kiss.  “You wanna fuck my tits?”

Steve looks both shocked and turned on by your words.  He nods and straddles your chest.  His large hands cup your breasts and he pushes them together around his girth.  He starts to grind his hips against you, fucking the little pocket he’s made for himself.  He massages your breasts as he does, teasing your nipples with his thumbs and you lean your head forward and lick at the head of his cock.

You start to pant as the sensations in your body go into overdrive.  Endorphins kick in and your pupils dilate.  You become light-headed.  Bucky pushes his knuckle into your g-spot as he presses down on your clit with his tongue creating this intense pressure in your cunt.  You come harder than you’ve ever come before.   It’s like it knocks you onto another plane of existence.  You gush onto Bucky’s face and actually blackout for a second.

When you come to, you feel high and your mouth is dry.  “I wonder how many people heard that, baby doll,”  Bucky says patting your thigh.

You shake your head trying to clear it as Steve climbs off your chest.  “Come here, Pal.  Taste her on me.”  Bucky says.

Steve and Bucky kiss and you watch them glassy-eyed. Steve’s tongue runs over Buckys lips and pushes into his mouth.  Steve makes sounds of animalistic hunger as he tastes what he can of you on Bucky’s mouth.

Bucky gets up and starts undressing and you grab your water bottle from your bedside table and drink in an attempt to replenish some of the fluids you just lost.

“Before we do anything else, doll, we need to know what you’re okay with.  Also, we didn’t really plan this ahead.  We don’t have protection because we don’t get sick, and well we’ve been monogamous for a long time.”  Bucky says.

You sit up and pull your legs up against your body.  “I have condoms, but they’re not going to fit Steve.”  You say.

Steve chuckles and pats your leg.  “They won’t fit him either then.”  He says.

“Oh god.”   You say.

“Maybe we should do that another night then.  We can just fool around tonight.  Get to know what we like and don’t like.  You can watch us if you want.  Not sure if we’re ready for any mini us right now.”  Bucky says.

“I’m on birth control.”  You say.  “It’s just …”

“You don’t have to explain,”  Steve says.  “If you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable.”

“You’re clean?”  You ask.  Not really addressing either of them.

“Yeah.  We’re clean.”  Bucky replies.

“Okay.  I’m okay.  If you are.  But that ‘both of you inside me at once’ thing…”

“Not tonight?”   Bucky says.  

You shake your head.

“Can I watch you with Steve?”  Bucky asks.

“I’m okay with it.”  You say.

Steve moves so he’s sitting in front of you.  He leans into you and you start to kiss.  Steve’s hands go to your breasts again, kneading them.  You push him back on the bed and straddle him.  You slide your pussy over his cock, grinding against it, while you kiss and nip at his throat and down his chest.  His hands roam your body.  Sliding up and down your back, holding your hips.

You keep stealing glances at Bucky.  He’s stroking his cock and watching you both closely.  You reach between your legs and take Steve’s cock in your hand and slowly, very slowly, guide him into your cunt.

“Oh god.”  You moan as he fills you, stretching you out.

Bucky comes up behind you and runs his hand down your back.  “He’s a lot to take, isn’t he?”

“Uh-huh.”  You pant.

Bucky starts to kiss you and his hand goes to Steve’s cock, stroking the shaft and stopping you from bottoming out and hurting yourself.  Steve sits up, propping himself on one elbow and he starts sucking at your breasts again.  Moving from one to the other.

You start to ride him. Rocking your hips and moving up and down on his cock.  You move quickly.  Frantically.  You both start to take quick, shallow breaths.  You break your kiss with Bucky and focus on the rise and fall of Steve’s chest.

Bucky takes your hand and moves it to his cock.  You stroke it in rhythm with your movements.

As you and Steve get closer and closer to orgasm, you both start panting.  Your eyes fall closed and your head rolls back.  Steve puts his hands on your hips and lifts you off his cock.  You look at him startled and he smiles.  You crawl down his body and run your tongue up the length of his shaft.  You tease the head of his cock with the tip of your tongue and as you take him as far into your mouth as you can Bucky enters you from behind.

Steve shifts onto his knees and as Bucky fucks you so does Steve.  They kiss each other over you, their hands linked on your back.  Bucky moves a hand to your clit and starts to rub it.  You begin to fall apart again.  Your breath becomes so shallow you have to release Steve from your mouth.   Steve moves and you fall forward, your face pressing into the mattress.  Bucky’s thrusting becomes harder.  Faster.  You come, biting into the mattress, your whole body clenching.

Bucky lifts you and shifts back on the mattress, so you’re riding him, but facing away from him.  Steve moves between Bucky’s legs and shifts him up a little.  You watch closely, still rocking your hips against Bucky’s.  Steve takes your hand and puts it on his cock.  You help guide him into Bucky’s ass.  You core clenches and your body tingles as you watch him slide into Bucky.

“Does watching that turn you on as much is it does me?”  You say.

Steve cups your jaw and kisses you just below the ear, his teeth grazing over your skin.  “Every time.”  He growls.

The three of you move together.  Thrusting and rocking and groping at each other.  You cling to Steve as you move against Bucky.  Steve keeps his hands against Bucky’s skin, sliding them up his legs and holding his hips.  Bucky rubs your clit again.  You come for the third time.  Biting into Steve’s shoulder. Steve releases into Bucky who in turn, comes into you.  There is a collective groan and you all collapse down into a heap of tangled limbs on the bed.  

“Oh my god.  That was literally the best sex I’ve ever had in my whole life.”  You sigh.

Bucky and Steve start laughing.  “It wasn’t too bad at all.”  Bucky agrees.

“Maybe we can do it again sometime?”  Steve says.  Bucky wraps his arms around Steve from behind and kisses the side of his neck.  Steve looks back at him and something passes between them that is such an obvious look of pure love it makes your heart hurt.

“Yeah.”  You say.  “It’s a date.”

[callyrose1986]

my reality is a fantacy

MY REALITY IS A FANTACY  

Its beginning of April and I've been hearing voices since my birthday last September, I can't say I had the best time of my life... I decided to type it all down of what I went through, let me break it down for you, one day around my birthday I decided to read a few tarot cards online and the more I did they showed the same outcome, that I was to meet my twin flame, twin soul or/and soul mate, not sure if it's all in one or if it's just one of these, that I'm not sure of, now for those of you who don’t know what that is a twin fames or the others twin flame is when one soul splits into two, not sure exactly what twin soul is other what it sounds like, seems to me it is the same thing like the twin flame, soul mate is just that, a mate for your soul, look it all up for yourself.  

For some odd reason I begin to hear voices of a women and she helped me get better at hearing them I can't say exactly what she did I can't remember, I have the worst memory anyway though this times of readings I figured out who my other flame was and I don’t know if it was fate or dumb luck but it was my celebrity crush.... Imagine that, I have no idea who or why it turned out to be him but I was constantly told that I could manifest my desires and welp.... take that as you may I have no idea myself what is truly going on in my life right now..... only the gods and answer that messed up bit of information, not that I'm a religious person I prefer to spiritual instead.  

I tried to contact him online his name was Tom Hiddlston, I had a crush on him since I first saw I'm in the superhero movies when he played Loki in the Thor, tall dark and handsome was my type, I then fell for him even more once I got to know the actor, well as much as I could get to know him behind the silver screen. Anyway, I was reading pictures from his hashtags on Instagram like you read tarot cards and then I would post a reply and put it in Tom’s @page and I would get something like a reply... I could hear him in my head too and then for some reason he told others it turned into something like a little game them who turned out to be the cast of avengers.

it went over pretty good on his side, but unfortunately on my side when I broke it to my mother.... I made one of  the biggest mistake I ever made...deciding to walk from my small town of Coulhurst all the way to the city of Lethbridge to go to chapters. Where I thought the tort card where hinting I would meat Tom, not that I actually though I would I just wanted to go, and they were egging me on to go, something else that I could inform you all about is that there is many different realities not just the one you live in and unfortunately that mean that there are many, many different versions of ourselves and unfortunately, I did not contact just my version of Tom Hiddlston but I contact all of the others two, I have no idea how I managed that... the one that came was not my Tom from my world but from another and that means I could not see him.  

I still don’t know if I have talked to the Tom from my world, I guess I won't know till I get the chance to meet him in person, if that ever happens of course, let's see... I died in other reality's more times than I could count, mainly because I can't remember, being stabbed in the back by a trickster god called Loki a few dozen times and I don’t mean from the Norse mythology I mean by the Loki from the marvel movies, ya because that’s a thing....  

Everything you watch is a window to another reality and dreams are something of the same, now there is more like I can put myself into movies and shows I watch and I can hear what the characters are thinking and saying, not to mention in the begging I thought whatever I do in my mind what actually happen in the other reality's I was thinking I was in, now I changed that it just everyone imagining it but not really having it happen, I did a lot of not so nice stuff and still do but at least it's not real, I was sent to hell a few times wish I know what heaven was like, think I got jipped on that one, worst thing I ever did really was sole chock from when I was at school and church, I did watch some porn that was not meant to be watch by anyone's eyes and played some pornographic games but I don’t think I'm meant to go to hell for it...  

Apparently the ‘devil’ just wanted someone on one time, I brought myself back to life as soon as I knew I was dead, well eventually sometimes, it was just tiering having to do that all the time, oh by the way I can do that bring myself back it along with anything else you can think of, I can do anything I want too in other realities, does not work in my reality but then again I can't be killed by other people from other realities in my reality, also I got murdered on my way to chapters stabbed and molested by some random guy still not sure about the whole story behind that one my mother found me walking still to the book store in my reality, that was a trip I tell you, before I was picked up I somehow jumped into other bodies of the actors who had flown down with Tom and had found me at my house.

I did end up at the store but of cause no one showed up, that was one journey I won't soon forget, I  found out that my other selves where from other realities and that characters I created comes to life, like since tv and movies characters where once created, I was not sleeping and was not eating but I was not tiered or hungry but for a girl who did not have the  waite I didn’t need to louse more of it.

I was seeing signs of that my house was evil and that the color red was bad and everything that was ‘dark’ needed to go so I got rid of mostly everything I had in my room that was considered ‘dark’ on top of that lost a caption America sweeter and Tom Hiddlston doll and Spiderman figure and almost lost my phone, it was found  thankfully but not the others.  

Among all the other versions of me there is a few evil characters evil clowns evil demon things a robot some zombies some vampires and a dnd character and an original character called Cally, among others I'm not sure about, one of them is called the moon goddess who has the power to have everyone fall in love with her looks, and it leaks out into me so others from the other universes feel overly attracted to me because of her, there is an off switch but it keeps turning on and she says it's not always her doing it, I'm not sure if I should believe that, Tom has the same thing but I won't know that till later, names the sun god, I'm not too fond of that one, my fault for calling him the sun to my moon, nether one of them where exactly what I though them to be.

it wasn’t just that everyone was attracted it was harassment and no one would take no for an answer I was raped in a lot of realities, it's gotten better but still not perfect yet, they are lucking they didn’t die from doing that to me.  right after I when walking to the book story my mother had me admitted to a mental health facility, where they drugged me up to take away the voiced, it worked but on the down side I could not eat I could not sleep, I was shaking uncontrollably and it was worse than when I was home,  I just didn’t feel the need to sleep or eat at home.

I was drooling from the shot they game me and I was losing wait because I could not swallow the food, it was not a fun time, I was there for about a month after that I want in to shasha house and I was therefore a day or two and they took me to the hospital to see if they could figure out what was wrong with me, they gave me something for the shot I took to get rid of the voices since that’s what was making me have side effects, it didn’t take long for me to feel better, I was in the hospital for about a week or something close, after that I was at my sisters for a few days, meanwhile my mother had got something called global amnesia from the stress.

Then I was back to shasha house I was there for about a week or two and was thinking of the voices again, I haven't heard from anyone since I had that shot but even with everything that happen I still wanted them back I was lonely I liked talking to them I liked talking to Tom, you may think I'm stupid to start this all over again but I don’t give a damn! This time I would tell no one, have it be my little dirty little secret, don’t really remember how I got them back but I did, I didn’t get the right ones though I didn’t know that, I have been going through so many to find the one from my reality, there is no real way to find out who is Tom from my reality I've told Tom who loves  me by now that maybe we should meet at a comic expo somewhere where I can get to, so in Canada hopefully in Alberta.

let's see this second half I got stepped a few times again and mind f*cked a couple of time no more evil things like seeing red and thinking devil is after me, no more going to hell or dyeing, we tried merging all the realities but didn’t work tried to merge all the Toms still don’t know if that works to our advantage or not. I still have my highs and lose, I've run across the first group a few times and they are merged with a Tom who is now called God... btw I HATE HIM!!! Fuck the sun god GOD, ‘GOD Tom’ IS THE WORST!!! I will MURDER THIS BASTERED WHEN I SEE HIM because he lied about being the ‘REAL’. I also decided to stop giving ‘second’ chances to the villains, they just don’t learn.  

I'm sure there is more I could say but that’s it for now, I still haven't seen anything of Tom going to a Con near me yet, I still have a few weeks to go till I go.  

[jacobalderham]

Part II/Headlines

The following extract is from an early draft of Chapter 13 from Scattered Thoughts: The Story of a Kid Growing Up With ADHD by Jacob Ham. The following extract is unedited, unformatted, and will change before the final release.

Scattered Thoughts will be released August 24th 2021.

Real Life Events

These days it is hard to find a middle ground online. It seems that everyone has their own agenda. People attack others for supporting a different set of beliefs. Some people believe in God, and some assume that the Big Bang Theory is true. A few fixate on being part of an alien stimulation.

Social media is nothing but conspiracies and fake news.

If I made a political or scientific statement with hard cold evidence, people would still argue against it.

People these days can't stand being wrong.

People attack celebrities for something they did years ago, and they've already apologised for. These days you can't make a mistake.

But people change.

I know people who've changed after a traumatic experience, like a car accident that affects their ability to walk again. They think 's a miracle they're still alive. They used to cringe at the thought of their being a higher power, but now they go to church every weekend. Praying that one day they will play footy with the lads. People change. The older I get, the more I understand that.

The problem is people are caught up on having this persona. A persona behind a device. A persona behind an icon.

Social media has changed.

I can't scroll anymore without seeing negativity. I know drama gets more attention, but why does it have to be so toxic?

Why do we care so much about lives that are not ours? I wish I knew the answers.

I open my phone and see another bombing.

I scroll down and see another video from a protest about the environment.

I scroll a little more and see another status about a black guy getting shot by a cop in the street.

I scroll through the replies and see arguments over political views, forgetting we all bleed the same blood.

I scroll for another hour and see reports of another celebrity committing suicide. Harassed into ending their life because of some more clickbait.

People suddenly switch up their intentions and send prayers to the victim's family. They then get called out for being the ones who harassed the celebrity in question. Nothing is truly private anymore.

I scroll further and realise that my time could be spent better elsewhere.

I close my phone, and I am left wondering has the world always been this way?

I turn on the TV and see the same shit on the news.

The same bombing.

The same protest.

The same black guy getting shot by a cop.

The same footage, just without the comments and negativity.

I watch a little longer, and it starts to loop.

The same headlines as before.

The same adverts that cannot be skipped.

I keep flicking through the TV guide and cannot find anything worth my time.

I switch channels and hear more racism while watching Football. Everywhere I turn, I am reminded that the world is far from perfect.

I turn off the TV and attempt to sleep, but I'm wide awake wondering, maybe the world has always been this way.

Fictional Dreams/Dark Thoughts

I wake up the very next day, and my mind is racing. I feel agitated and annoyed about the world, but mainly towards the media. I hate how our lives are no longer private. Everything we do is traceable, permanent and backed up on our devices. Every part of our lives are public and used to build a profile of information, one that can be twisted against us if the time ever came.

That thought alone, has got me thinking about the worst-case scenario and if shit hit the fan, like what would happen if I grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer and committed murder? Doing it with malice and intent. The motive of proving my point about the media. Imagine if that became a reality, and it was more than a fictional dream.  

My whole life would change instantly, no going back, and no do-overs.

It's permanent.

Do I go on the run? Or do I give myself up? It's hard to say because it would be a fight or flight decision. Maybe I'd finally have the guts to end it all.

Once I'm found guilty, it feels like the events that follow are far too easy to predict. Every single news corporation would use my name and my situation for clicks. They'd monetise off of my story, and someone else's miss fortune as that helps pay their bills.

They'd paint a picture of a boy who was troubled mentally and bullied growing up.

They'd name drop my diagnosis, and hint that maybe it was the medication I take, what pushed me over the edge.

They'd claim to have inside information about what went wrong and ask questions about whether that morning I forgot to take my meds.

They'd ask my teachers and so-called friends, questions about whether they believed the rumours, and some would say they're shocked, and others would claim they expected it.

They'd twist the fact I have ADHD and create even more stigma for people like me, making it even harder to get jobs or live a normal life.

They'd completely ignore the fact that they're giving me the attention that all people with ADHD apparently crave.

They'd reference that I graduated with honours and was slowly starting to make ends meet, and I'm praying they'd name drop my business, so I can finally see my website at the top of Google.

They'd celebrate about all my awards, certificates, and personal achievements becoming worthless and null and void as companies distance themselves from my name.

They'd discuss how I was an advocate for mental health and wanted to be a champion for other people with similar problems. Because it creates a shock and gives readers more to nitpick.

They'd bring up my little sister and her disability, stating that maybe I had too much on my plate.

They'd bug my mam for a statement, and enquire about her M.S, but deep down they don't give a damn, they're only bothered about their story.

They'd most likely mention that I only got a few years behind bars for something I deserved life for.

They'd forget to highlight that maybe there are two sides to every story like we aren't told that for every argument growing up.

They'd essentially feed you the words to how you feel before you start forming your own opinion because that's how they keep you hooked.

Maybe now I've finished this fictional dream, the next time you read a headline, you can learn to form your own opinion before tweeting about it.

© 2021 Jacob Ham & AlderHam 

[cassandras-nest]

Invisible Man (chapter two)

Here we are, finally!

After a really long time i can post the second part of my series, so sorry for the delay, but lack of inspiration + life and other things were in the way.

This time i have few people to thank for their help:

First of all @binkyisonline (always there to remind me i have lots of work to do)

And @queen-paladin who helped me the other day when i was stuck and couldn’t go on, thank you.

Then thanks to whoever still read this, it means a lot to me.

As always, criticism, advices are welcome. I’m not a native english speaker so i may have miss something along the way..

(no beta reader because i really want to post it so i just did a quick grammar check)

summary: Newly divorced John Deacon joins the Queen forum’s chatroom with a fake account and start talking with someone who completely understand him and make him feel alive again. He finds himself obsessed with her pretty soon….

pairing: John Deacon x OC (Cassandra)

"If i could tell the future, life could be quite boring" John Deacon 1984.

2 months ago 

It was an easy start, after all...

Deakster - uhm..hi.. 

CoolCat - hi, how are you? :) 

Deakster - Good… i'm new and not quite used to this, sorry... 

CoolCat - nah, nothing to worry about, it's much simpler than it seems 

Deakster - yeah, alright...so, can i ask if you meant that? 

CoolCat - what exactly? Do you mean in the group chat right? 

Deakster - yeah, you really think Hot Space is a good album? 

CoolCat - listen, you seem nice i really don't wanna argue with you. 

Deakster - oh no. i just wanted to tell you that you're quite right, i think that too..:) 

CoolCat - sorry, i'm still mad from before, is that i really can't stand assholes that think i'm too young to understand music... 

Deakster - yeah that was an asshole indeed..but you gave him what he deserved. 

CoolCat - no need to flatter me, i'm already talking to you ;) 

Deakster - i was not... 

CoolCat - relax, man, i'm joking but since we are here, talk to me about yourself…won't you?

Deakster - told you i'm new. Well, my life's quite boring really...i live alone in London and that's it…. 

CoolCat - ...and you like Queen or you wouldn't be here... :D 

Deakster - well…yes! 

It was the shittiest lie he ever said, well maybe one of the shittiest... 

CoolCat - so far so good :) I really didn't see you around here much, you're much more of a lurker, aren't you? 

Deakster - i rather watch more than writing.. 

CoolCat - and...that's not creepy at all xD 

Deakster - i am not- oh, you're joking again? Right? 

CoolCat - yes! You' re a fast learner, i see..i like it :D 

Deakster - so, what about you? Aside from making fun of me? :) 

CoolCat - and quite clever too, i'm impressed ;). Well, this has to wait, maybe next time. 

Deakster - ..but..when? 

CoolCat - now you're asking too much for a first time…;) i'm sure you'll figure it out soon. 

Deakster - ...yeah, you right, i probably will. 

CoolCat - bye :D.

*Coolcat is offline*

------------------

Now. 

This was too much. 

She was way too stressed and tired, and this was the most boring shift she had to make. 

This whole week has been exhausting. Waking up early and studying late at night had started to shown its side effects.

Then there was work and this new shift from early afternoon to late evening that was literally hell. 

On top of that, that afternoon no one entered the café, except for the ones who tried to find shelter from the pouring rain outside, leaving a mess when they left. 

It definitely was the worst day ever. 

She was absently looking outside while her colleagues were chatting not so far from her, but she didn’t care much, all she wanted was to be at home, lazily watching TV, studying or maybe…talking to someone; someone who she hadn’t had the time to talk to for two weeks, and it had been a very long two weeks.

She was abruptly distracted from her thoughts by a voice... 

- Cassie- Martin said - what about you?- he asked casually.

She blinked a little, taken entirely by surprise and slightly turning her body to face them. 

-”What about me” what?- she answered confused. 

- You weren’t listening? we were talking about love and relationships.- he promptly said. 

- Oh...- she only answered 

A special someone? maybe… Maybe not? she didn’t know that ... -she smiled at the thought.

- Do you have someone in your life? Do you like someone? - Martin inquired even more, looking at her.

- Well...maybe, i mean, i like someone…- she babbled - We talked a lot, for almost two months, i think, and he’s very dear to me now- answering them, her face a little bit red. 

Yes, that friend was very special to her. -she realized-

- Oohh.- they all said in unison -interesting! What’s his name? Do we know him? Is he from Uni? - suddenly she was flooded by questions. 

Cassandra blushed even more - No, no… to all of that! - she answered. 

- What do you mean “no”? you still don’t know what his name is? where did you meet him?- now was Cindy who asked, much more concerned than curious. 

She hesitated, lightly biting on her lower lip. 

- Well..- she started to explain - I met him online. I mean in a Queen’s chatroom. You know how much i love that group, right?- she tried to explain as clearly as possible. 

But her colleagues looked at her with wide eyes. 

- Internet? well, that sounds fair, but…- Martin said, raising an eyebrow, concerned - Are you sure? I mean, you never know who could be on the other side of the screen, he may be old and creepy…- he concluded. 

- I already know that, thanks - she answered, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

- Sorry if we worry about you or for the fact that knowing people online could be dangerous, maybe? - Cindy said, sounding a bit offended. 

- Or that we worry about you in general? - Martin added calmly. 

- Guys, please, i’m not that naive, you know? It’s been, what, two months since i knew him, and we just talked, that’s all..probably i’ll never meet him in real life, so relax - she answered, trying not to sound too harsh. 

- And..- she added then - It’s not that dangerous knowing people online, you should try that sometimes - speaking toward Cindy, that now was avoiding her gaze.

- Cool, as long as you’re safe, it’s totally fine - Martin spoke again - As i said, we’re just worried - trying to ease the situation.

- It’s alright, i’m not mad at you at all - she answered - I’m just tired..- relaxing a bit.  

She didn’t want to argue with them, not now.

She never dared to spoke about him, or the whole situation with other people, and she didn’t realize how easily defensive she could become, until now. 

Cassandra knew him. He wasn’t a bad person at all, he wasn’t what the others described, they didn’t know him, not like she did. 

And she was sure about that. 

The chatter quietly calmed down until it was time to close and go back home; it was then that she decided what to do. Maybe it was what the other said, maybe she wanted to prove them wrong or she just missed him but she decided to go online later that night and see if he was there. It was definitely too long since they spoke, and she felt like she needed him, to talk to with him or maybe... just knowing that he missed her too. 

The walk home was pretty fast, she kept thinking of what she would say to him or what he would say, she also wondered how his life has been these days, if he was ok. Maybe he would be angry with her? God, she really hoped not. 

All these thoughts made her smile along the way. 

This time something was different, she felt different somehow, mostly because she felt safe with him even if she didn’t know who he was or how he looked like; she still had a tiny hope of met him one day.

 __________________ 

John logged many times onto the chatroom in the past days, waiting in vain and, eventually, completely forgetting everything else around him. 

His responsibilities, his problems and the entire world outside. 

Was he starting to be obsessed? Yes, very much so... 

But the life he wanted to leave outside called him abruptly back into reality today. 

His ex-wife called him pretty early in the afternoon, his younger son was sick, and she couldn’t take him to the doctor because she couldn’t take the day off, so she thought that maybe he could, and he agreed in no time. 

Of course, he would, it wasn’t even a question, promptly asking what the problem was. 

- I really don’t know, he was pretty sick two days ago and started having a bit of a fever, but i thought it was just the flu or something he ate...- she answered him, her tone calm, as always. 

John nodded while listening. 

- It’s alright, don’t worry about it. We’ll see once we arrive at the doctor’s office.- John answered, smiling tenderly. 

- You’ll take him here or i’ll come to pick him up?- he asked then. 

- I’ll take him, the doctor is near your apartment, so it’s easier.- she answered quietly 

- Thank you, John, truly - she added. John almost could imagine her smiling. 

When they talked about their children, problems disappear, even if he knows that it’ll be their only reason to call each other now. 

-Don’t mention it. It’s my son too Ronnie, is the least i can do. I’m aware i’m not his favourite parent but i’ll manage - he said, smiling again, sadly, on the phone. 

There was a moment of silence between them; John would have liked to hear her say that he was wrong, that his son loved him very much but John receives only a heartbroken sigh.

- Right, ahm….so - she started - I'll see you tomorrow morning, then.- and the phone call ended. 

It was true, his youngest son was the one who took the news of their divorce badly. He was a mama-boy, so he started to hate on his father, even if his mother was telling him constantly not to. 

He could manage that; he loved him, he loved all his children, so he could stand a bit of hate from one of them. 

----------------------------------- 

Tonight, both of them needed each other and, for once, fate was on their side...

-----------------------------------

Before bed, John decided to try again.  Maybe -he thought- tonight would be the right one. So he made himself a nice cup of tea and sat in front of his computer; once logged-in he went directly to the chatroom. 

He started to scroll aimlessly the list of contacts hoping to find the one he was looking for… 

And then he saw it and almost didn’t believe it...

*Coolcat is online*

bonus: their account (did these a while ago, my reference was a real profile on a real Queen forum)

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