#and then mom says 'yeah sounds like new wave 80s and the romantics!' while my dads aggressively nodding

[andshewasamovie]

love how i Did Not like conan gray's new song so i showed the video to my parents and my mom compared it to the romantics

and somehow that make me like it.

comparing it to the romantics did it for me. how.

[daggerzine]

Sunday Runners.....the Corvair interview.

The music of Corvair fell into my hands recently thanks to Heather Larimer, who makes up one half of the band. The Portland duo, comprised of Larimer and her husband Brian Naubert (and drummer Eric Eagle for the recordings) haven’t been around for too long but being together a lot the past year or so gave them plenty of time to work on songs. I was a big fan of Larimer’s previous band, Eux Autres, and wondered if they were still around (see the first question) so was anxious to hear Corvair. I really liked what I heard. A healthy dose of all things 1970’s, 80’s and 90’s and not quite new wave, note quite indie rock but 100% deluxe. The S/T record, which was released in February, was a co-release between their own label and WIAIWYA label in the UK.  Read on and find out the history of the band, where they’ve been and where they’re headed. Oh and make sure you listen to their music.

 Heather and Brian and Brian and Heather 

Tell us about the end of Eux Autres. Why did that band end?

It actually has not officially ended. While Sun is Sunk was coming out, we left SF because it felt like that city as we knew it was dying—all the artists we knew were moving out, and I moved back to Portland and Nick to LA. Then I had a baby and then Nick had a baby and then soon we each had another baby. With 4 little kids among us, it became really hard to fly back and forth to work on new material. We tried it for a couple years and then one day we calculated that at our pace, the record we were making would take 5 years. So we just kind of gave each other permission to prioritize other projects. Nick is working on some songs I truly love right now. They’re a real gut punch.

 …and about the beginning of Corvair. How/when did the band form?

We had known each other for many years and then we got married three-ish years ago and suddenly neither of us had other musical projects going on. So we kind of shrugged and said, what if we worked together? We would sing in the car or while cooking or whatever so we knew our voices sounded great together. Then it was just a matter of figuring out what sort of project it would be. We went into the studio with a session drummer (Eric Eagle) in late 2019 and then a few months later, the pandemic suddenly gave as a LOT of time to make progress on the tracks. So the creative center of the record was defined in a weird apocalyptic bubble. But it was helpful to have that break with reality as we knew it, because we’ve both made a lot of records, and I suppose that could have somehow blunted our ambition or our edges. But we just hit the “fuck it” button and gave ourselves over to it completely. We were very nervous to mix, because no one else in the world had heard it, and we thought it was great, but we also could have been in a shared hallucination. Really, we’d be the last to know.

 The debut....

Who came up with the name? I have always loved those cars.

Brian’s mom drove a Corvair with a hole in the floor. They would drive it on the special outings to the beach, the weekend adventures. So it was a very romantic car, and the name is just very nice to say. It makes you feel good. Both of us had been in bands with names that were a nightmare to tell someone  in a crowded club, or really anywhere (Eux Autres and Ruston Mire). You’d have to repeat it 3 times, then explain it, and then they just kind of shrug with pity. We vowed to have a band name anyone could understand the first time.

 Did the WIAIWYA label approach you about releasing the record (or co-releasing it)?

John had approached Eux Autres right after our second record and so we did an EP (Strangled Days) with him and then we were on his label ever since. Late last summer, I posted a picture of Brian and I holding the CD Master on my Instagram and John said, what the hell is this? And then I emailed him the record and he wrote right back: “It’s RAD Heather!” I’m not sure if he was making fun of me by saying “rad”--probably, actually. I think I used to say it a lot. But he immediately wanted to put out the record. Nick and I had some really great times in the UK and Europe thanks to John and he has a very devoted audience, so Corvair felt it was a great fit for us.

 Is the Pink Room your own studio?

Yes, it is literally a room in our house that is pink. Brian has been making records at home for most of his life, since he was about 14. And despite having done fancier stuff like making studio demos for Columbia several times and recording with Peter Buck in a nice place, he really prefers to work at home because he likes to spend a ton of time on overdubs—they’re not even really “overdubs,” more like a second wave of writing for him. And I had found being in the studio very stressful in the past because I’m not a technically proficient musician and that makes me self-conscious. So I was grateful to be in the privacy of my own home, in my soft pants.

 Single from last year

Did the songs on the album come fairly easily or did you feel like you labored over them?

The initial writing of them came very easily and fast. Brian did a couple of 30 day writing challenges where he wrote several songs a day. But then once we laid down the basic tracks, we spent a ton of time building them and experimenting with them. We actually recorded probably twice as many parts as we ended up using. And half of what we did in the mix was kill things. In fact, we cut five totally finished songs from the record. 

 Tell us about making those videos? Were you freezing?

Consistently very very cold, yes. Ironically, the one in the snow (Green Mean Time) was the warmest because we were properly dressed. But the ocean ones were just brutal. Especially Sunday Runner. The video was Brian’s idea, he had a very specific vision and made it sound all easy: OK, just go down to the beach and dance for 90 seconds. And I was like, huh?!? And then I kept falling down and got absolutely soaked to the bone. When we finished shooting, I couldn’t feel my hands or feet and he was steering me down the beach with his coat wrapped around me and these little kids were staring horrified, like, Mom what’s wrong with that lady?

 Prior to the pandemic had you played out live much? Done any tours?

We have never ever played live as Corvair. Which is just wild. We will likely be recording this next album before we even have a line-up for performing. But we are very excited to play together. Likely this fall. Hopefully John will bring us to England soon so we will have a great excuse to get it together.

 What are your top 10 desert island discs?

 Brian:

David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust

David Bowie - Low

Nada Surf - Let Go

Brian Eno - Another Green World

Pink Floyd - Dark Side of The Moon (yeah I know, but I don’t care)

 Heather:

GBV  - Alien Lanes

Kinks  - Village Green

Elliott Smith - Either/Or

Radiohead - Kid A

Ruston Mire - Steady Jobs and Flying Cars

  Who are some of your favorite current bands, local otherwise?

HL: I’m interested in the Dry Cleaning juggernaut. And I really dig Deep Sea Diver, Cloud Nothings, Courtney Barnett, Big Thief/Lenker. And then, I’m also very ready to embrace a new angry band whose music makes you think your stereo is broken when you play it--I’m taking suggestions.

 BN: Alt J, Elbow, Doves, Metric, Foals, Snail Mail

 What’s next for the band?

HL: We are recording this summer and trying to put some sort of live outfit together ASAP. Trying to stay out of the ocean for a while. 

 Closing comments? Words of wisdom? Final thoughts?

Thank you so much for having us! 

 www.corvair.bandcamp.com

[skelebonecentral]

Hothouse rose chapter 1

a reverse harem with the lust boys

first we gotta meet the basic skeles

words under cut

Frisk was your cousin.

They’d run away, a week after their mom passed away. Your aunt, their other mother, was frantic and your whole family had gone out searching, as well as most of the town. You’re so glad it was your dad’s oldest sister who first caught sight of the monsters and not the sheriff or someone not quite as sensible.

Frisk came back from the mountain that loomed above your town with a whole civilization behind them.

Yeah, they tried to hook their mom up with Toriel, the strong, kind, and welcoming goat woman who was the Queen of the monsters, but Frisk was just a very romantic kid in general. They flirted as a hobby, it was hilarious and you were so glad they were back and safe to continue cracking you up with it.

They hugged everyone and apologized for scaring them, that they figured out that just because they were hurting didn’t mean it was okay to hurt other people, when they finally got the chance to exit the monsters’ camp after the police and government and all kinds of things showed up.

Still, you had to admire them for how much they grew up if that was what they wanted to say right away. Well, sign. Frisk was mute, after all.

Having them home was so nice, and their new friends were awesome.

You met Toriel first, of course, and her ex-husband, Asgore. You felt sorry for the big fluffy guy, he looked so hopeless and sad when Toriel would glare at him. And Frisk called him Dad, that was so cute, cause he just lit up. It was weird, though, feeling so pitying toward a ten foot tall goat man with huge horns and a long golden beard who had been alive for centuries longer than you.

Still, you liked both the goat people, and Monster Kid, Frisk’s new bestie who ran around with them. He was…well, he was a monster kid. Lizardish, with a tail and yellow-orange scales, but no arms to speak of. It made him top heavy, since he was humanoid, so he fell over often. Frisk seemed very fond of him, and you were glad. They hadn’t had a lot of luck making friends with other human kids at school before all of this.

But Frisk, being the eternal matchmaker they were, decided YOU needed to get in on this whole monster friend business.

Of course, you didn’t realize it until Gyftmas. It was a monster holiday from Snowdin, a small town Underground, that centered around gift giving and involved Santa for some reason? Anyway, the monster community was holding a carnival inside the local event center (it was mid-September so there weren’t any OTHER holidays to do) and your little cousin, being the ambassador, was of course invited and they brought you as their plus one.

Did you forget to mention that Frisk was the ambassador for monsters? They are. Well, at least in name. That’s their official title, is Ambassador, but they’re more like a figurehead while Toriel and Asgore handle the actual statecraft. The adults do let them cut ribbons and make speeches, but they’re just not ready for something that complicated. They are only six, after all.

But back to the carnival, Frisk brought you, and took you to a particular booth.

The booth was decorated with several action figures from an old 80’s cartoon that you used to love watching reruns of, and the sign above said, “THE GREAT PAPYRUS’ TRIVIA BOOTH!”

Frisk beamed as they dragged you, and looking in the booth, there was a very tall soldier-looking fellow who seemed to be a skeleton.

“HELLO, DEAR FRISK! I SEE YOU BROUGHT A HUMAN WITH YOU!” he called exuberantly, waving with bright red mittens. He had a black something or other on under the white chest piece of…oh that’s not actually armor. As you got closer, you’re now aware its made of fabric and the lines and emblem on the front are felt pieces sewn to it. The big round shoulder pads are attached, too.

Frisk signs eagerly, “Hi Papyrus! This is my cousin, Y/N! I wanted them to try your trivia!” Their hands are going very fast, and they’re bouncing, so they’re very excited about this.

“OH!” the skeleton stands up, showing his very obvious spine in his black whateverthatis and the odd ultra-short shorts that match his chest piece. “HELLO, HUMAN Y/N! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS AND IT IS A PLEASURE TO MEET A RELATIVE OF MY DEAR FRIEND, FRISK!”

He holds out his hand, and you shake it, feeling the long fingerbones underneath and finding yourself grinning like an idiot. Holy heck, an actual skeleton was talking to you. Your inner child was screaming with joy in their Jack-skellington slippers. Frisk had to have known…well, how could they not, your room is covered in Halloween and skeleton themed knickknacks.

“H-hey, Papyrus, I’m super glad to meet you, too!” you didn’t mean to stammer but you’re trying not to freak out as your arm is nearly shaken from its socket. He’s so STRONG!

Frisk giggled and signed something too quick for you to parse, and Papyrus let you go, “OH, ALRIGHT! HAVE A GOOD TIME, FRISK! YOUR COUSIN AND I WILL HAVE A BATTLE OF WITS!”

They scampered away and left you with the skeleton, who pulled out a fold out chair, setting it in front of his booth and then sitting in his own behind the counter, “ALRIGHTIE THEN! HUMAN Y/N, YOUR CHALLENGE SHALL BE TO ANSWER TEN QUESTIONS ABOUT MONSTER CULTURE. THE MORE YOU GET CORRECT, THE BETTER YOUR PRIZE! BEING FRISK’S COUSIN, YOU SHOULD DO VERY WELL!”

“Don’t be so sure, Papyrus. I have some wicked test anxiety,” you joke, and he blinks his sockets at you.

“NO NEED TO BE NERVOUS!” His smile seems set in his long jawed skull, but it actually tilts up a bit more, “SOMEONE WHO LOVES OUR FRISK IS BOUND TO BE A GOOD LISTENER AND KIND SOUL, SO I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. FIRST QUESTION!” he whipped out a set of cards, “WHAT IS KING ASGORE’S FAVORITE DRINK?”

You smile, happy it’s one you know, “Golden Flower Tea. He likes tea in general but that’s his favorite.”

“CORRECT! WOWIE, AND SO CONFIDENT!” Papyrus seems just as pleased as you are, “NEXT ONE! WHAT WAS THE FIRST SECTION OF THE UNDERGROUND CALLED?”

“Ah,” you had to think a moment, then said cautiously, “I think it was the Ruins?”

“YOU’RE RIGHT.” Papyrus then set two further action figures from the same set as his decorations, “THESE WILL MARK YOUR SUCCESSES! ALRIGHT, NEXT!” He shifted his sockets in a comical manner that you had to fight your instinct to laugh at, “HOW MANY MOVIES HAS METTATON, OUR BELOVED STAR, PUT OUT AS OF TODAY?”

You blink…and you have to guess because you honestly don’t care for Mettaton’s version of movies, “28?”

Papyrus’ jaw just falls open, and he sets another figure on the counter, “I THOUGHT FOR SURE THAT WOULD STUMP YOU! I’M FLABBERGASTED. YOU MUST BE A VERY DEDICATED FAN OF METTATON, JUST LIKE MYSELF.”

You blush, “N-not really. His music and dancing are great, but the movies go over my head, I guess. I only watched one because Frisk wanted me to…”

He chuckles, “AT LEAST YOU ARE HONEST. I WATCH THEM FOR THE FUN OF SEEING EVERYONE ELSE’S REACTIONS, HONESTLY. AND THE SET DESIGNS! THEY’RE VERY WELL DONE, AFTER ALL.”

“Oh, yeah, I did notice that. I bet a lot of Broadway plays would love to get his input on that front.”

Papyrus perked up, “BROADWAY? I KNOW A STREET BY THAT NAME BUT I GET THE FEELING YOU’RE REFERRING TO A THEATER OR SOMETHING SIMILAR.”

“Kind of?” you quirk your mouth a bit, not really smiling but thinking about it, “It’s a street in New York City with lots of theaters on it that’s famous for having the best in plays and musicals in the country. It’s really a cool place, from what I hear.”

“OOH! I SHOULD LOOK UP MORE ABOUT THAT LATER. ANYWAY!” He gets out a set of note cards, “I WROTE ALL THE QUESTIONS DOWN SO I COULD HAVE LOTS OF CHOICES. YOU’RE DOING A LOT BETTER THAN SOME PEOPLE!”

You were getting excited now, wondering what he could ask.

“OKAY! WHAT WAS THE NAME OF OUR LOST PRINCE?”

You frown. That was a serious question, and you think back to Frisk’s descriptions they would give you now and then of their time under the mountain. “Asriel.” You remembered thinking his name sounded angelic.

“ANOTHER FIGURE FOR YOU!” Papyrus plops the next figure on the desk and…

“Is that the villain? I didn’t know they even made a figure for him.” You can’t help yourself, not when you’d loved his antics as a kid. “Lord Verminator, looking good.”

Papyrus gasped, “YOU LIKE ALIEN WARLORDS OF JUSTICE?! I THOUGHT HUMANITY HAD FORGOTTEN THIS CLASSIC SERIES! I HAVE EVERY FIGURE EVER MADE EXCEPT FOR THREE, AND EVERY EPISODE ON VARIOUS VHS TAPES. I WILL HAVE TO ASK FOR FRISK TO BRING YOU OVER AND HAVE A MARATHON!”

You nod eager, “I know I haven’t been able to see every episode. I only got a few episodes they put on an old cable channel but it was so good. I managed to salvage some merch from antique stores, but it’s never been enough.”

“THERE WAS MORE THAN ACTION FIGURES?!” Papyrus is awestruck, orange sparkles appearing around his skull. “OH THIS HAS TO BE FATE! MY FIRST HUMAN FRIEND HAS A GROWN-UP COUSIN WHO LOVES THE SAME SERIES AS I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS? SERENDIPITOUS!”

You finally laugh and nod, “You’re so peppy! How did Frisk manage to keep you a secret? I wish we’d met sooner now.”

His sparkles increased, and he began pumping his fists up and down eagerly, “DO YOU REALLY MEAN IT? BECAUSE IF SO, I AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY! LET’S GET THIS QUIZ OVER WITH SO WE CAN GUSH ABOUT OUR FAVORITE THINGS INSTEAD!”

He takes a notecard and asks, “WHAT IS THE SYMBOL OF OUR KINGDOM CALLED?”

“The one Toriel wears, right? I think…it was the Delta Rune?”

“YES!” the card was set down, a figure was placed, and another card picked up, “WHO IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD?”

“Undyne.” You sigh, “She tried to suplex me the first time I had to go to Toriel’s to pick up Frisk.”

“OH, THAT WAS YOU?” Papyrus tilts his skull, and you notice his sockets are slightly uneven. You also notice you like hearing him talk, even though he’s very loud. “SHE TOLD ME SOME HUMAN CAME AND MANAGED TO DODGE HER GRAB. SHE’S BEEN TRYING TO GET FASTER AFTER THAT.”

You want to comment, but Papyrus gets another card, “WHO CREATED THE CORE?“ he stops, frowns, then tosses the cards behind him, “THAT ONE WAS ACTUALLY A TRICK QUESTION, BECAUSE NOBODY KNOWS WHO DID IT! AND AS MUCH AS I LIKE TRIVIA, I’M MORE EXCITED ABOUT TALKING WITH YOU.”

Smiling, you take his elbow when he offers it, despite him being two feet taller than you, even in his flat bottomed red rain boots, “That’s pretty flattering. What was the prize for the quiz, though? I’m curious.”

“A DATE WITH YOURS TRULY!” Papyrus laughed, “NYEHEHEHE, BUT I HAVE A FEELING HUMANS WOULD BE RATHER INTIMIDATED BY SOMEONE AS HANDSOME AND CAPABLE AS MYSELF, SO GIVING YOU A TOUR SEEMS MUCH NICER.”

Papyrus led you around the event center, pointing at the various booths and explaining them, even sometimes introducing you to the monster manning it. You didn’t see hide nor hair of Frisk for the rest of the evening, but you didn’t really notice. Papyrus’ enthusiastic rambling and genuine glee at showing you around kept you glued to his side gladly.

When the crowds had thinned out considerably, you asked, “Papyrus, this has been the most fun I’ve had at a fair in years. I’d really like to do more cool stuff like this with you, so maybe we could exchange numbers?”

He froze, then turned, big sparkles appearing again, including inside his sockets, “WOWIE, REALLY?! OF COURSE WE CAN! I REALIZE IT IS LATE AND HUMAN BEINGS NEED PLENTY OF SLEEP TO BE HEALTHY, UNLIKE THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SO LET US HURRY!”

He shoved his phone into your hand and you gave him yours, typing in your number and naming yourself with a balloon emoji on the end to remind him of the fun fair you’d shared together. You get your phone back as you hold out his, and it says “THE GREAT PAPYRUS” with a skull emoji and a gold medal one on the end.

“Perfect! Feel free to text me whenever, but I might not answer if I’m busy or sleeping.”

He nodded, “I UNDERSTAND! I WILL PROBABLY BE TEXTING YOU QUITE OFTEN, BUT FEEL FREE TO TAKE YOUR TIME. UNDYNE SAYS I TEND TO RAMBLE WHEN I’M EXCITED. AND I’M ALWAYS EXCITED! ESPECIALLY WHEN I MAKE A NEW FRIEND.”

You nod and bid him goodbye, getting a back-cracking hug, before he rushes off into the fair and you head toward your car. Frisk had texted you earlier to say they were going home with Toriel, so you rode back alone, glad for the break so you could process your night with the personification of optimism that was Papyrus.

--

You got texts from Papyrus every day. Multiple texts in a row, about ten different times a day, and about just about any subject that was on his mind at the time.

“JUST GOT BACK FROM MY MORNING JOG! I HOPE YOU’VE HAD A GOOD MORNING SO FAR!” at 5:30 am.

“IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT THE STORE TODAY, I WORK AT SMILE MART! MY SHIFT IS FROM SIX TO TWO, SO FEEL FREE TO SWING BY FOR A VISIT.”

“I LOOKED UP BROADWAY FINALLY! THERE’S SO MUCH TO LEARN! IT’S BEAUTIFUL!”

“UNDYNE IS STILL DOING SPEED TRAINING TO TRY AND OUTMATCH YOU. I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TWO TO OFFICIALLY MEET ON BETTER TERMS!”

That was the general gist of his messages, just little windows into his day and topics that related back to earlier conversations.

You would answer him between classes, since you were a freshman in the local college, and once you were off around noon, you’d head to Smile Mart and see Papyrus in action.

The first time you actually were able to see him at work, he was meticulously arranging the dairy section, making every gallon of milk have the handle facing the same direction in his white button up, black pants, and bright pink apron.

Hearing you approach, he snapped upward and his face lit up, “HUMAN Y/N! HELLO!” Standing to hi full height and brushing himself down, he posed like a soldier at parade rest, “HOW DO YOU LIKE MY DAPPER WORK ATTIRE?”

You smirk a bit, just in an effort not to laugh out loud at that pose and speech combined, but answer honestly, “You make it look good.”

“THANK YOU! I’M AWARE!” he grinned, then got back to his task, “THANK YOU FOR COMING IN. WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR TODAY?”

That sounded suspiciously like a work script rather than just Papyrus being himself, but you shrug it off, “I don’t need anything in particular at the dorm, so I’m just gonna grab one of those yogurt and fruit smoothie drinks over there when I head out. best breakfast treat.”

He looks at the items you’re pointing at, then nods in approval, “FRUIT AND YOGURT ARE GOOD CHOICES FOR A MORNING BEVERAGE. AND DORMS? ARE YOU PERHAPS A MEMBER OF THE CLERGY?”

You do laugh at that, “No! No, I’m a first semester freshman at the university. You have to spend your first semester on campus if you live more than a certain distance away and unfortunately, my house isn’t in the right range.”

“OH. THAT’S QUITE INTERESTING!” He rubs his chin, “I WAS ACTUALLY CONSIDERING GOING TO THE COLLEGE MYSELF, BUT SANS ISN’T EXACTLY A FAN OF IT.”

“Is that the brother you told me about at the fair? The one who sleeps?” Papyrus had mentioned he had a brother who was lazy and slept a lot, but not the name.

“YES. HE NAPS ALL NIGHT AND FREQUENTLY DURING THE DAY ALSO!”

You grin as he waggles his brows. He had noticed how you didn’t like his wording when he’d said the same line about “napping all night” at the fair, and now he teases you with it. “Still called sleeping, Pap.”

He chuckles good naturedly and shrugs, “WHATEVER IT’S CALLED, THAT’S WHAT SANS DOES. SLEEP, EAT, AND EMIT SLIME.”

“He emits slime?”

“SOMETIMES. FRISK SAYS THAT IS ACTUALLY CALLED DROOL UP HERE. NOW I’M WONDERING IF MY BROTHER IS RELATED TO DOGS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE ONLY ONES I’VE SEEN WHO DROOL QUITE AS MUCH AS HE DOES WHILE SNORING.”

The visits become routine after that first one. When you get a break during his shift, you just go to the store and buy some kind of single serving drink. Yeah, you wish they were in cardboard cartons or glass instead, but all your bottles do go into your recycling bucket at your dorm. It’s more an excuse to talk to Papyrus, anyway.

He asks more about the university, and when you ask him what he’d major in if he did attend, he has a very good answer already, “SPORTS MEDICINE! I’M A VERY GOOD HEALER NATURALLY, AND I LOVE ATHLETICS OF ALL SORTS, SO WHY NOT COMBINE MY TWO PROCLIVITIES INTO ONE CAREER PATH? UNDYNE DOESN’T NEED ME ANYONE ELSE IN THE GUARD NOW THAT WE’RE UP HERE, AND I WANT TO BE HELPFUL.” He scratched his chin a bit before adding to the end, “WELL, MORE HELPFUL THAN I AM CURRENTLY ANYWAY.”

That’s a great idea, you think, and you encourage him to go for it. After all, he’s got so much energy, you’re sure any course of study will be a breeze.

It’s kind of surprising when, a few weeks later, he texts you excitedly, “I GOT MY ACCEPTANCE LETTER! NEXT SEMESTER WE’RE GOING TO BE CLASSMATES! ONCE IT’S TIME, LET’S CHOOSE OUR SCHEDULES TOGETHER!”

Wow, he really does go for what he wants, doesn’t he?

--

Great was definitely the least you could say about Papyrus by the time you two were meeting up on the first day of the semester.

He had already invited you over to his house several times, Frisk had dragged you along on lots of outings with the skeleton, and you had braved a meeting with Undyne and her adorable wife, Alphys, as part of a celebration for Papyrus’ acceptance into college.

So when his unique figure came striding up the sidewalks on campus, you immediately ran to meet him and got scooped into a twirling hug with your mutual giggles echoing off the old gothic revival buildings around the ovular clearing.

“Papyrus!”

“Y/N!”

As you were set down, you beamed up at him, “I’m so glad I didn’t start my gen ed until now. We have all semester together.”

“I KNOW! SURE, I HAVE TO TAKE THAT ONE NUTRITION CLASS WHILE YOU’VE GOT CHEMISTRY, BUT OTHER THAN THAT!” He’s bouncing on his heels and utterly pleased, and noticing his bouncing is what draws your eyes to the shorter figure next to him.

Another skeleton, about your height and blinking at you with white lights in his large, round sockets, stood next to Papyrus and waved lazily at you, “heya.”

“Oh my gosh, you must be Sans!” you were excited to finally meet Papy’s brother. “I dunno how it took this long for us to end up in the same place but I’m so glad to meet you!” You offer your hand and it gets taken with a long “pffffffffffffffffft” sound.

“SANS! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING THAT TODAY!” Papyrus sounds equal parts furious and embarrassed, as the bright orange glowing on his cheekbones betrays.

“had to, bro. can’t skip the classic gags,” Sans takes his hand back, revealing a small red whoopie cushion in it.

You stare, surprised, “Oh my gosh? I didn’t know anybody even used oldies like that anymore. Or did actual harmless pranks like that. Consider me impressed; you’ve got better taste in humor than most of MeTube.”

That seems to shock the smaller skeleton before you, making him lower his hand slowly. He was wearing a blue hoodie jacket over a white shirt with small stains on the chest, and black basketball shorts with white socks and pink house shoes. “uh. thanks.”

“DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM,” Papyrus huffed, “HE’LL START PUNNING AND THEN WE’LL BE HERE ALL DAY.” He pulled you forward, away from Sans, and waved at his brother, “HAVE A GOOD DAY DOING WHATEVER ODD JOBS YOU HAVE TODAY, BROTHER! I WILL BE ENJOYING MY TIME LEARNING WITH MY BEST FRIEND!”

“I thought Undyne was your best friend?” you say as he speeds away from a perplexed looking Sans, who you wave to with a helpless expression.

“SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND, TOO. YOU CAN HAVE AS MANY BEST FRIENDS AS YOU LIKE!”

--

Classes go smoothly, but you begin to notice….

Well, you see Sans pretty much everywhere.

Leaving your one class you don’t have with Papyrus, you see him snoozing on a bench outside.

While leaving your part time job sorting all the incoming books for the library on campus, there he is again, at one of the computers looking up jokes.

Even while you’re out getting a haircut, you find him running a little hotdog cart. Finally, you have to ask him what he’s doing.

“Heya, Sans,” you go up to the stand, which is currently empty. “Been seeing you around a lot.”

“why didn’t ya say hi, then, kiddo? my brother sings your praises daily, wouldn’t have minded saying hello.” He’s just got a green apron on over his outfit from before, and you smile.

“I don’t wanna intrude. Just thought I’d ask what was up, y’know? Normally it’s just students at the library. How’d you even get in the computer without a student id?” That had been bothering you for a bit.

“oh, easy. I’m faculty.”

Your brain shorted for a moment, “You…are?”

“yep,” he chuckled, waving you to a seat next to his cart. “turns out a monster phd converts pretty well to a human one. Just consulting with the physics department right now, but once the political climate settles some more, who knows?”

Something bubbles up to the front of your mind, “Oh. Oh! Papyrus said you liked physics once. I guess it’s more of a passion for you than he let on.”

“heh, used to be. might be again. dunno yet.” He looks across the street, away from you. “anyhow, frisk and pap both seem to think you’re the bees’ knees.”

You tilt your head a bit, but then see the little buzzing insects around a flowerbox on the other side of the street. “Oh! hahah, good spot. Yeah, I’m pretty lucky two really cool people decided I’m interesting enough to look after.”

Sans hummed as you both watched the bees, “yeah, they’re both kinda neat folks. My bro’s the coolest though. biased, I know, but it’s true.”

“I can’t argue there,” you feel happy thinking about Papyrus, “He’s taken to school like a fish to water. I really love finally having a friend who’s so positive. Not that my roommate’s not cool, but she’s as tired as I am usually.”

“you got a roomie?” he hums, “then why spend time with my bro? surely you’ve got more in common with her?”

“Hah!” you actually laughed. “I’m a linguistics major, Sans. She’s a botanist. Her side of the room is covered in so many plants I have to take sinus medication 24/7. Nah, she’s a good person but we have nothing in common other than living space and shared love for cheesy family-friendly rom-coms.”

You had gotten so involved with watching a particular bee rolling around a tulip that you didn’t notice when Sans faced you again. “so if she decided to get into a fight, you wouldn’t back her up?”

“Oh, no, I’d pull her out and tell her off for fighting. But she’s always in the greenhouses or labs, so I doubt she’d find anybody to fight with even if she wanted to. More likely to squeak like a dog toy and hide, if we’re being totally honest,” you turn to Sans smiling, but his expression makes you freeze.

His lights were out and the haunting blankness of his huge sockets made you shudder.

“kid, you better be telling the truth. My brother’s the best, but people take advantage of his kindness. If you hurt him, you’re gonna have a bad time.”

Nope, you were not going to stand for that. Getting up, you bolted, and as soon as you made it back to your dorm, you texted Papyrus.

You: Papyrus, we need to talk about your brother.

Papy: WHAT HAS SANS DONE NOW? YOU TWO HAVE BARELY EVEN MET!

You: We talked today and he threatened me.

It takes more than two seconds for an answer. Clearly you’d managed to rattle Papyrus (heh).

Papy: TELL ME EVERYTHING.

You explain yourself, how you kept seeing Sans around when Papyrus wasn’t there, and the incident after your haircut today.

Papyrus doesn’t answer in text, and after a moment or two you get a call from him.

“Papyrus-“

“I AM MORE SORRY THAN WORDS CAN SAY FOR WHAT MY BROTHER DID TODAY.” His voice was hard and serious, something you’d never heard before. “I DON’T BLAME YOU IF YOU’D RATHER NOT TALK ANYMORE AFTER THIS, BUT I ASSURE YOU I WILL HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION WITH HIM ABOUT WHAT HE DID. APPARENTLY, FROM WHAT I GATHER, HE DID THE SAME THING TO FRISK.”

He’d threatened a child?! Not just any child either, your COUSIN! Who saved his people from captivity! You were about to ask about that when Papyrus continued. “FRISK SAYS IT WAS JUSTIFIED, BUT I’M NOT SURE HOW. BUT YOU? YOU HAVE NEVER HARMED ME, NOR ANYONE ELSE, AND HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE IT. SO, NOW THAT I’VE SAID MY PIECE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?”

You have to turn your brain back on to think for a moment. Papyrus was very dear to you, he was sweet and lifted your spirits no matter what. Still, with a scary protective brother, you weren’t sure if you wanted to be near him anymore.

“Papyrus, I like you. You’re my best friend. But I can’t feel safe around Sans and I’m kind of scared to come to your house ever again. We still have classes together, but I think if we’re going to be friends still, we can only meet out in public or at my place.” Even saying that makes you nervous. Nobody’s ever done this before, threatening you just out of nowhere.

“THAT’S REASONABLE. I CAN HEAR HOW SCARED YOU ARE, Y/N, AND I’M….WELL, INCREDIBLY ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN PART OF WHY YOU’RE FEELING THAT WAY. THIS WILL NOT GO UNSEEN TO, I SWEAR IT!”

Tears were starting to leak out of your eyes at this point, your adrenaline leaving you tired and scared, but you smile, “I have faith in you, Papyrus. Just…I’m just scared now. I’m gonna try to calm down and I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“YES, THAT IS A GOOD PLAN. TRY TO BE KIND TO YOURSELF UNTIL I CAN BE KIND TO YOU INSTEAD…” There was silence, and then a very soft, worried, “I love you.”

That was enough to get you sobbing, “I love you, too. Be safe.” You had to hang up now, and you curled up under your covers to hide from the world.

--

As soon as he hung up the phone, Papyrus quickly wiped his sockets. He, too, was crying at the thought of his dear friend, who he loved fiercely, being terrified and menaced by HIS BROTHER of all people. But he was going to fix this.

Yes, he’d been far too late to fix what happened with Frisk, and Frisk themselves didn’t seem too upset by it, but YOU certainly were. He could feel it in the way you’d spoken, how very close he’d been to losing his best friend. He still might lose them.

But he’s going to make the effort to try not to.

Taking several deep breaths, Papyrus left his room and went down the stairs. Sans was on the couch as he’d expected, flipping channels on their TV.

“hey bro, what’s up?” Sans had his normal expression, and it made Papyrus furious.

“BROTHER. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.”

Sitting up, Sans looks confused, “what do you mean?”

Papyrus took another breath, feeling his ribs fill to capacity with the cooling air that helped calm him, “SANS, I JUST GOT SEVERAL VERY FRIGHTENED TEXTS FROM Y/N, AND THEY WERE ABOUT YOU.”

Ah, there, the permanent smile on Sans’ face drooped significantly, “oh.”

“YES, OH.” Rubbing his sockets, as they had started burning like he was going to cry again, Papyrus asked, “DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS WOULD DO TO ME BEFORE YOU THREATENED THEM? DO YOU EVER CONSIDER HOW THIS COULD HAVE MADE THEM SO FRIGHTENED THAT THEY NEVER SPOKE TO ME AGAIN? OR IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? DO YOU WANT ME TO BE ALONE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, SANS?”

“n-no, no that’s…I don’t want you lonely, paps, I just want you to be safe.” Sans’ voice and eyelights were both small and shaky. Good, he realized how serious this was.

“I KNOW YOU DID THIS TO FRISK, TOO, AND I’M JUST…SANS, YOU CAN’T THREATEN PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!” He wanted to move, to do something dramatic, but Papyrus just couldn’t with the weight of his frustration and disappointment. “I LOVE THEM BOTH, AND YOU…YOU DON’T SEEM TO CARE WHAT YOU BREAK ON YOUR WAY TO WHAT YOU CONSIDER MY SAFETY. I’M AN ADULT, SANS, NO STRIPES ANYWHERE, AND I’D LIKE YOU TO TREAT ME LIKE ONE. I KNOW I’M OPTIMISTIC, I KNOW I’M SILLY, BUT THAT’S HOW I LIKE TO BE. I LIKE BEING A GOOD INFLUENCE FOR PEOPLE, AND IF THAT MEANS SOMETIMES I GET MY HEART BROKEN, THEN I LEARN, DON’T I?”

Sans was just staring at him, but he finally found his voice, “but paps, they aren’t like other folks. They’re humans, they have a lot more power and-“

“I KNOW THAT.”

Closing his mouth that had opened to argue, Sans listened. “SANS, DO YOU THINK I WASN’T SCARED WHEN FRISK CAME? I WAS TERRIFIED! I KNEW THEY COULD DUST US BOTH WITH A MOVE, BUT I HAD TO AT LEAST MAKE THE EFFORT TO SHOW THEM THAT WASN’T WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN. I WANTED TO CAPTURE THEM, YES, BECAUSE THAT WOULD HAVE MADE UNDYNE AND EVERYONE ELSE SO PLEASED WITH ME, GIVEN ME MORE OPPORTUNITES TO MAKE THE FRIENDS I WANTED. BUT…THEY LIKED ME.” Papyrus was at a loss. “THEY PLAYED ALONG WITH MY ACT AND SEEMED HAPPY WITH IT. SO I CHANGED MY MIND. I DIDN’T FORGET WHAT THEY COULD DO, WHICH IS WHY I TRIED TO GET UNDYNE TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM, TOO. I DIDN’T WANT HER TO GET HURT EITHER, OR FOR HER TO HURT FRISK.”

Oh the tears were back and Papyrus scrubbed them away angrily, “BUT NOW I’M WONDERING IF I SUCCEEDED IN SPITE OF YOU! I’M WONDERING IF YOU DIDN’T THREATEN EVERY PERSON I’VE EVER TRIED TO BEFRIEND JUST OUT OF SOME TWISTED SENSE OF PROTECTION!”

Sans just looked at his hands, bones looking ashen as Papyrus tried to hold back his sobs. Had…had he been hurting Papyrus more than helping him all this time? Yeah, Frisk had posed a threat but the kid had made good. Really good, if he had to be honest. And he had seen nothing to really make Y/n any more dangerous than they were. And now Papyrus was crying.

“SANS, I DON’T BLAME YOU FOR BEING AFRAID OF WHAT HUMANS CAN DO TO US, BUT I AM DISAPPOINTED THAT YOU DON’T TRUST ME ENOUGH TO MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS ABOUT FRIENDS. IT HURTS, AND…AND EVEN THOUGH I’M SURE YOU DID IT OUT OF LOVE FOR ME I JUST CAN’T FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT RIGHT NOW,” sniffling a little, Papyrus couldn’t even look at his brother. “I’M GOING TO STAY WITH UNDYNE FOR A FEW DAYS. I HOPE YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO…WELL, NOT DO THIS AGAIN. THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCES MORE. SOMETHING.”

Escaping back up the stairs, Papyrus quickly packed three days’ worth of clothes and essentials, then ran out the door. He just couldn’t believe his older brother had betrayed his trust like this.

--

It was pretty awkward with you and Papyrus after that.

You tried to talk like normal, but he was sad, and you were scared.

Two months after the incident, you got sick of it. “Papy, let’s go to Bungle Land.”

“OH?” he perked a little, “WE HAVEN’T BEEN FOR A LONG TIME. OKAY.”

Grinning, you took his hand and ran to your car, giving him the option to drive if he wanted. He had his license, but just hadn’t gotten around to buying the perfect car for him. But he refused, wanting to save driving for his own dream car, so you let him move the passenger seat back as far as he liked while you drove to the local theme park.

And you had fun. Papyrus was an adrenaline junkie and took you on every ride, while you were a game shark, trying your hand at the carnival games and loving the useless and low quality plushies you won from them. You both had a lovely collection of little birds, though Papyrus had exchanged five of his for a larger plush of a super hero, more to his tastes, from this trip alone. Thank stars for your yearly pass, and the lovely guest vouchers that came with it.

Finally, as the sun was going down and you were hungry, Papyrus guided you toward one of the stands before a familiar voice made your heart freeze, “hey you two. Pretzels and lemonade?”

Papyrus’ expression soured, “SANS, DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS IS THE TIME FOR ONE OF YOUR ODD JOBS? WE WERE HAVING FUN.” He’d gotten an apology from Sans a while back now, and a Promise not to repeat his blunder, but he still wasn’t sure of Sans’ intentions for Y/n.

“I really didn’t think you’d be here today, pap, swear on my bones,” Sans looked exhausted and held up his hands. “but tell me what you want and I’ll make it while I do something I’ve been meaning to.”

You just say you want a pepperoni pretzel and a cherry lemonade, and Papyrus goes for a normal pretzel with a blue raspberry lemonade, but you’re nervous. The skeleton had threatened you, after all, even if your fear of him had mostly shifted to annoyance at his cheek in doing so.

Getting your food, Sans said softly, “I know I’m nobody’s favorite person right now, so I’ll make it short. I realized I’ve been overbearing, stepped over a lot of lines, and need to work on myself. I’m really sorry, y/n, for acting like you were going to hurt papyrus when I don’t even know you. it was wrong, and I’m going to try and see a therapist to get a hold on my…paranoia.”

That…was honestly one of the best and most sincere apologies you’d ever had. You can’t help smiling, and you can almost feel the pride radiating off Papyrus for his brother. “Okay, Sans. That was a proper apology, and you haven’t done any stalking that I’ve noticed so…apology accepted. I hope your therapy goes well.”

He looks so relieved, shoulders sagging noticeably, but his smile turns more genuine and he nods, “okie dokie. Go have fun, and I’ll see you at home, paps.”

“YES YOU WILL! YOU’RE GETTING THE IMPROVED VERSION OF SPAGHETTI TONIGHT FOR THAT!” It’s heartwarming to hear the excitement in his voice, and the brighter smile on his face, “YOU DID A GOOD THING! BYE, SANS!”

“Bye, Sans,” you add, and he waves you both off. Even if he was the one who finally apologized, you felt a weight off of yourself as well, and his gaze no longer made you feel like demons were on your back.

[convivialcamera]

On Deadline: Jump

Previously

My entire universe had shrunk to the tip of a pin.

Every atom in my body was attuned only to the spot where Jamie’s blunt finger was delicately but insistently caressing my clitoris as I lay spread before him, feet dangling off the side of the bed and into oblivion. My blood rushed and my skin heated. My entire body tensed in a desperate attempt to keep still enough that the sudden jerking of my hips wouldn’t dislodge his finger. I held my breath deep in my lungs, straining, wanting, needing, burning.

Elbow tucked into my side, I reached up and grabbed at my shoulder, digging my fingernails into my collarbone in a last-ditch attempt to hold on.

And then, the chaos I was reigning in broke free. I exhaled on a small moan, and as I sucked in air the first wave of release hit me. After that I was lost.

When I came-to moments later, Jamie was gently running a finger down the inside of my splayed thigh and grinning like a cat that got the canary.

“You’re way too easy,” he said, a smirk barely concealed in the corner of his mouth.

“Shut up.” But I couldn’t help but grin myself, buoyed by the pleasure and contentment of orgasm. Jamie curled up beside me, resting his red mop just above my navel. I ran my fingers through his curls and caressed the curve of his ear. We stayed there, silent, for a long time.

As I gently floated in a state of semi-consciousness, Jamie’s breath tickled my stomach. Through the fog, it occured to me that he was talking. 

“...that we could hit this wine bar later,” he said, “and maybe make a night of it.”

“What? Like a date?” I raised my head to look at him, propping myself up on my elbow.

He twisted his neck to look back at me. “Yes, like a date.” 

I flopped back, a silly, wide smile overtaking my face. “Alright, then.”

I had the day off, having worked the Sunday before, but Jamie soon slinked away from my bed and back to the newsroom. I languished between the sheets, carefully cataloging every single moment that had passed between us. There was an easy intimacy between us that went beyond all the sex or even our shared profession, and I admitted to myself that I reveled in it.

I spent the day napping, mostly, although I did run out to buy a vacuum, since I had left the marital vacuum with my almost-ex-husband. I was loathe to think of Frank, I smugly told myself, as there really should only be two people in a new relationship. I tried to put him out of my mind, but he lingered. Why had I fallen in love with him? I wondered as I stood in front of the vacuum display, comparing models. What had made Frank stray? I pondered as I paid the clerk and lugged my purchase out to my car. Was it my work, or was it something irreparably wrong with me? I questioned as I drove back to my apartment. I didn’t have any answers, but something told me that with Jamie, everything was different. 

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, Beauchamp, or maybe you just like fucking him, I thought.

By the time Jamie arrived at my door that evening, beautifully windswept from his ride over with just a hint of helmet hair, I had showered, shaved, plucked and primped within an inch of my life. To my distinct pleasure, my date looked like he had been temporairly struck dumb.

“Dude, it’s just a nice top.” I handed him a bourbon, neat, as he openly stared at my chest. It was a vibrant red and rather more low-cut than what I wore on assignment. 

He sucked down the drink like it was water. “Is that what you call it?”

“Yep.” I sipped my own drink like I had all the time in the world. I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him to say anything else about it. He immediately recognized the challenge, and demurred with a shrug. 

“You ready?”

“Yeah.” I glugged down the last of the bourbon and grabbed my black moto jacket. “Let’s go.”

The bar was in an old candy shop in a small historic district downtown Leoch. The walls were brick with the paint flaking off, and it was filled with little nooks and industrial furniture and illuminated only with candles. A sprightly little hipster seated us at a tiny table beneath an arch in a secluded corner with a single votive candle and two of the tiniest glasses of water I’d ever seen. Menus were attached to clipboards, and I studiously examined mine, avoiding Jamie’s gaze. 

I picked a pinot noir at random when the server came around, while Jamie ordered a sweet rosé and the biggest cheese plate on the menu. 

“It’s refreshing,” he said at my smirk.

“I’m sure.” I swirled my own wine and took a sip. The alcohol rushed through my bloodstream and heated my stomach.

Jamie rolled his eyes at me, and put his hand on mine. “It’s easier if we touch, isn’t it?”

It was a startling observation. I squeezed his hand, and felt the nervous energy between us dissipate into the ether. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me something about yourself?” I asked.

“What do you want to know?”

I cast about for a subject while I cut a hunk of Brie and smooshed it into a slice of baguette. “What’s your family like? Other than your uncles,” I qualified quickly. “Like, your mom and dad.”

“My parents are dead, Claire.” He said this softly; it pained him to tell me. 

“Oh.” I exhaled. “Mine too. Car crash when I was five.” It was an old wound but a deep one that still ached when pressed. The warmth of his hand sustained me. He paused, as if deciding. When he opened his mouth to speak, I blurted: “You don’t have to tell me.”

“It’s OK. My mom died when I was eight. And Dad, he had a massive stroke my first year of college.”

“Sucks,” I said without thinking. Jamie gave me a look that clearly said “duh,” and I giggled. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“I think you’re the only one that could have said that to me and not get punched in the face,” he said contemplatively, drinking his wine. “Because you know what it’s like.”

I gave him my own look. “It’s a shitty club.”

Jamie loaded a baguette slice with blue cheese and a dried apricot and stuffed it in his mouth. “You told me a while back that you’re not from anywhere. What the hell does that mean?”

I smiled. I had told him that the day we met, the first time he called me Sassenach. “My uncle raised me. He was a photographer too — on staff at Nat Geo.”

“Holy shit.” 

“Yeah, and in, like, the ‘80s, when the job was basically globetrotting with a camera. I refused to go to boarding school so I went with him, just about everywhere.”

“You come by all this naturally?” Jamie waved at me, indicating tip to toenails.

“Sure. All my belongings fit in a duffel bag and I didn’t go to a real school until college. So, yeah, I’m not really from anywhere.”

“That’s a hell of a childhood. I just grew up on a farm.”

“Like, cows and corn fields?”

“And horses,” he said.

“Race horses?”

He blushed. “Some. My sister Jenny and her husband breed and train them. She breeds merino sheep too.”

I could tell he was downplaying the race horses. “Are you and Jenny close?”

“As close as we can be, since I live here now,” Jamie said, but he evaded my gaze, which made me think there was more to that story. I itched to press him further, but didn’t want to bring the specter of tragedy back into our conversation so I turned to lighter things. 

I told him about my uncle, Quenten Lambert Beauchamp, the archaeologist-turned-photographer who raised me, and my wandering childhood that spanned six of the seven continents (we went to Antarctica, but hadn’t made it to Australia). As I talked, Jamie listened intently, asking questions now and then, especially about Uncle Lamb’s assignments. As the cheese plate slowly disappeared between us and another round of drinks arrived, Jamie spoke of his sister and her husband, who was also Jamie’s oldest friend, and the trouble they got into as kids on the farm. He was a born storyteller, charming and funny.

I was telling Jamie about the time Uncle Lamb locked me in a temple to the Roman Goddess Vesta when I was 16, when Jamie’s eyes suddenly went wide and his ears turned so crimson I could see it even in the dim candlelight of the bar.

“Don’t turn around, but I’m pretty sure Geillis just walked in,” Jamie said in a low voice, as if he was afraid speaking her name aloud would summon her to us.

Unable to help myself, I peeked over my shoulder, and sure enough I could see Geillis’s bright blonde curtain of hair as she chatted with the hostess and was led to a table for two on the other side of the bar. I turned back and rolled my eyes at Jamie to tease him a bit. “Yep, that’s her. What of it?”

“Don’t you think it might not be the best idea for the entire newsroom to know we’re, you know…” He made an indistinct noise in his throat that made his meaning perfectly clear.

I raised a skeptical eyebrow at him, deciding if I should say the thought that immediately popped into my mind. “I’m sorry,” I said, the devil on my shoulder winning out. “I watched you slobber all over an intern in front of the whole staff and you’re worried about being spotted having a glass of wine with a colleague?” I smiled innocently at him.

Jamie opened and closed his wide mouth a few times, flabbergasted. “Geillis is an opportunistic gossip.”

“I don’t have anything to hide.”

“And anyone who saw you in that shirt would know this is more than a glass of wine.” He suddenly looked smug. 

I began to roll my eyes at him, but I was distracted by a tall man with dark hair and strong bones walking into the bar through the back door. I leaned back, and pulled Jamie into the shadows. Dougal MacKenzie made a beeline for Geillis’s table, and Geillis smiled broadly when she spotted him. 

“What are we looking at?” Jamie whispered in my ear, sounding bewildered.

“Any reason why your uncle is macking on Gellis at the most romantic spot in town?” I whispered back, as we watched our boss greet our colleague with a very familiar kiss and sit down.

“Can’t think of any, other than the obvious,” Jamie said. “Maybe we should get out of here.” He flagged down the server with one hand, and ran a suggestive finger up my thigh under the table with the other.

“Maybe head back to my place?” 

“I’d like nothing better.”

[purplesurveys]

752

Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No, my girlfriend is super laidback and in fact she’s always the one encouraging me to go out and try new stuff with other people.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? No but that doesn’t sound like a very nice thing to do either.

How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? In a romantic sense, once. I’ve had my heart crushed in other ways as well, like when a loved one dies.

Who last grabbed your ass? It’s definitely Gab but I don’t remember when that was. It’s been a while.

Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah man, I was big on that from 2016-2017. If I remember correctly I had a short lapse last year too, which is disappointing.

Do you get a 'Good Morning' text from someone every day? Not everyday but often enough. I like them; I do feel like I need greetings like those more so these days since I haven’t gotten to see anyone other than my family for two months now.

Do you have any gay family members? I honestly think I do but my family is so secretive about everything, from family drama to who has a terminal illness to sexual orientation. I will probably be the first one to publicly come out, if everything goes right in the new few months.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? I got it from one of the independent clothing stores in Feliz. They sold all these really cute tiny halter tops for only ₱80 each ($1.60)?!?!?! which was wild so I went ahead and got like four, and one of them is what I’m wearing at the moment. I’m so desperate to be outside, or at least, feel like I’m outside, so I’ve taken to wearing the clothes I’d wear in public right at home loooool.

Do any of your friends dislike each other? Yes lmao it’s hilarious. Andrew (who’s part of the newer wave of members in our org) has never been able to win over my OG org friends – Jo, Kate, Aya – so it gets super awkward when both ~generations~ get together in org parties. Since I’m everyone’s friend I always have to divide my time between groups or tables so that I get to spend time with everyone :(

Who is your last missed call from? It was from Angela’s mom, who called on the morning of my birthday to greet me. I feel bad about missing the call but you have to know that I hate getting calls from anyone other than Gabie, so when I woke up to my phone ringing I just rolled over to the other side and let the call pass. I did thank her profusely once I was properly up though.

Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? This was me last night. As a journalism major, I felt very helpless seeing ABS-CBN get off the air at 7:47 PM and even more helpless when I saw so many people rejoicing over their shutdown, with absolutely no regard for the 11,000 employees who have just lost their jobs. Times have been hard enough in the country because of the government’s poor response to the virus, and now one of our biggest sources of news and information has also been silenced. It was enough to make me shut down last night and I just couldn’t do anything, couldn’t think properly, couldn’t even talk to my girlfriend.

Was your first kiss romantic? I’ve always thought it had been more awkward, but when we got to talking about it in the past my girlfriend apparently found it very romantic and sweet.

Do you miss any of your ex's right now? No ex.

Have you ever overdosed on anything? I have not.

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? Look two questions above.

Who was the last person to text you before you went to bed? No one texted me before bed but I did get a text upon waking up this morning; it was Andrew. I’m guessing they saw that I deactivated all my social media last night because they texted their concern for me and told me they were gonna be there for me if I needed anyone to talk to.

How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough? One.

Do you know anybody whose last name is a color? Answered this in a survey but yeah, Maroon and Black.

What are you most likely to go to jail for? Ooh I dunno, I’m honestly such a goody two shoes skskksks. Does answering back to the police count? That’s the legit worst thing I imagine myself doing.

Where was your last kiss? Near my car. I was leaving Gabie’s place and she walked me to my car, and I gave her a kiss before I left.

Who was your date to Prom? My cousin. I didn’t give a shit about prom during my junior year since I was super infatuated with Gabie then, I was already seeing her, and I still had no guy friends, but because prom in my school was mandatory attendance I just pulled my favorite cousin to be with me that night.

Do you still talk to your first love? Yeah, I’m still with her to this day.

Whose wedding did you go to first? I honestly don’t remember since I was gotten as flower girl so many times as a toddler. I do have photos of being a flower girl when I was 3 and at least, that’s the oldest-documented wedding I was in. I don’t know whose it was, but it must have been a very distant relative since I only went with my paternal grandparents and absolutely no one else from my family, not even my parents lol.

When is the last time you went to the beach? Nasugbu, August 2019.

Do you ever feel like life is going by too fast? For sure. April was a fucking blur.

Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? No but my friends have always made me feel like not dating Mike was a bullet dodged. I dunno what to think of it though as I barely knew/know him.

What about anyone you've been friends with? Mostly no, since former friends were important to me at some point and to be ashamed of them is to throw away the good times we did have, but I do prefer to dissociate myself from Athenna. Her behavior has turned so rotten in college and she badmouthed Angela and made her miserable for a very long time; it’s like I have no clue who she is now. Apparently people in her school also think she’s a fucking weirdo, so that has just made me all the more confused about what’s happened to her through the years.

Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? In the sea, yes. Not in a pool since there’s always kids around.

What are you doing this weekend? Same thing I’ve been doing the last 51 days I guess: have late breakfast, take several surveys, maybe take a nap, continue my Spanish lessons, play with my dog, take more surveys, maybe meet some progress on my thesis if I feel mentally capable to work on it.

Who’s the last person that slept over your house? I think it was Gabie. I’m really the only family member that brings over someone at our place for the night haha, and it’s usually Gabie.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes.

Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No but this did remind me of when I used to have a big crush on CM Punk, who used to have a lip ring hahahahahaha.

Is it hard for you to get over a lover? As a demi, I imagine it would be very hard as it would also be losing a best friend.

Have you ever had a best friend of the opposite sex? I wouldn’t say that. I have a couple of close friends though.

Was your mom ever a stripper? No.

Do you regret any of the relationships you were in? A little bit. I wish my first relationship with Gabie ended months sooner than it actually did. The last few months of it were just us beating around the bush and physically avoiding it each other in school; it was a huge waste of time.

Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Yes, that’s what I did when we ^ finally broke up. By the time we broke up I had long accepted that the relationship wasn’t working and I was already doing a little fine, and I was well enough to do stuff to make her see that she was missing out. It’s high school pettiness so I’ve forgiven myself for it lol.

Would you ever get a boob job? I’ve definitely thought about it but idk. I’ll have to be rich enough to want to allot money for plastic surgery because it’s not very essential for me.

Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Because of her.

Who is the last person you flirted with? Just my girlfriend.

Whos the most racist person you know? Probably my mom. She has said some eyeroll-worthy stuff about the Chinese throughout the lockdown and I remember she initially had a negative reaction to my cousin Joelle when she introduced us to her black fiancé. I do know she’s a bit scared of me because I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out on her racism, so thankfully her statements have lessened over the years.

Do people ever compliment your eyes? Not really. It’s not a strong suit.

Have you ever lied to your boyfriend/girlfriend? Eh, just about small stuff like lying about not being hungry.

When is the last time you saw one of your ex's? Gabie was my ex at one point I guess? I last saw her March 7th.

Who was the last person you hung out with? Also Gabie. She was the last non-family member I saw before the whole world fell apart, basically lol.

Which one of your ex's do you hate the most?

Would you be upset if you caught your boyfriend looking at porn? No. I never understood why it’s a big deal for a lot of couples and I’d genuinely like to hear a good reason why. We don’t watch porn together but Gab and I would definitely watch some on our own time and it hasn’t affected our relationship or sex life at all.

Out of everyone you kissed, give me the initials of the best kisser? I’ve only kissed one person and she kisses amazingly, so GAD.

Do you regret a lot of things you did in the past? No. Just some small stuff here and there.

How many people have you kissed this year? One.

How many people has your best friend had sex with? One.

How long have you known the last person you kissed? I have technically known her since 2002, but we didn’t know each other and become friends until 2011.

Do you think one of your friends is a slut? No. One of my former acquaintances was and I’m so not saying that in a judgy way lmao she can fuck whoever she wants whenever she wants, but I don’t really talk to her anymore + she’s no longer single.

When is your birthday? April 21st.

[acehotel]

INTERVIEW: Justin Strauss with Honey Dijon

Honey Dijon is a force of the highest order — brazen, idiosyncratic and sharp as nails, she arrived in New York City during the halcyon days of its club scene and became a beacon of light. Heralded for her cross-genre sets and unparalleled fashion intuition, Honey Dijon effortlessly moves from sculpting runway tracks to creating inclusive, dance-utopias in the club. Her first full-length album, The Best of Both Words, was put out by Classic Music Company to critical acclaim and she’s not stopping — ever. In this edition of Just/Talk, she talks to Ace friend and DJ hero Justin Strauss about being a piece of a revolutionary puzzle, eBay sweaters and the synthesis of art, music and being open to everything. 

Justin Strauss: Let's talk about what brought you to New York from Chicago.

Honey Dijon: What brought me to New York from Chicago was actually nightlife. When I was a teenager, we had a store called Wax Trax! Records and that's where I discovered The Face and i-D, Details and Interview Magazine, all of that stuff.

Justin: What year?

Honey: I'm not giving a year because that would be giving away my age, and we're not going to do that. Like Grace Jones says, it's about an energy.

Justin: We know some of those magazines first appeared in the 80s.

Honey: Yeah, they were the late 80s. So I was like a teenager then. I discovered that when I was about 12 or 13 in the late 80s, I just became completely fascinated with, you know, Stephen Saban’s article on nightlife and the Bill Cunningham photographs, and then I also discovered the early Paper magazines and they were documenting the whole downtown thing. And it was just everything that seemed so exciting, all these artists, musicians, fashion designers and creators, all exchanging information and collaborating. And so I always knew that I would end up in New York, just from these worlds that I would read about.

Justin: What was happening in Chicago?

Honey: The thing that people don't realize is that with early house culture, like most subcultures, people communicated with their clothing. And so if you were house, so to speak, you were really influenced by like a lot of European designers, stuff like Versace, Montana, Ferre, and the French designers like Montana and Gaultier. So actually I learned about fashion through house music, and because these were the clothes that people used to wear, and they used to also appropriate a lot of the lower east side new wave scene from New York as well.

All of these things were tied together. I never, ever separated anything. And so as a young kid growing up at the beginning of house music culture that was emulating the new wave sound from people that went to The Mudd Club and Hurrah, and Danceteria — which was also emulating the English synth bands at the time like Human League, Yaz and Heaven 17 — with the asymmetrical hair cuts and Spandau Ballet, part of the late new romantics. And just reading The NME , i-D, Face, BLITZ, Details and Interview magazines...all of this stuff was so connected, even if the music wasn't the same. It was all of these subcultures in bed with each other. I just always realized that. We had just gotten cable at the time and with “Style with Elsa Klensch” show, the Stephen Sprouse show at the Ritz, it was like someone had dropped a brick on me. It was like I had never seen anything like that. It blew my mind.

And then the Chicago Tribune, which I still have to this day, did this whole article on Stephen Sprouse and Teri Toye and Steven Meisel, and it's like a paper trail. You just keep digging and digging and then things just keep popping up. I knew when I could, I was going to live in New York. And that's what brought me here.

Justin: And had you been here before?

Honey: No, my mom used to work for TWA, and so on my sixteenth birthday, I made my dad take me to New York. I specifically remember, because my uncle used to be a tailor, and so we had all these GQ magazines from the late 70s, and 80s that I would look through and that's when I knew about Macy's, Charivari and Matsuda. I remember going to the store Parachute on Columbus Avenue.

So I'd been here as a teenager, but I had never been here as an adult until I basically moved here. And by that time everything was gone. I didn't move here until 98.

Justin: Were you disappointed?

Honey: No. I moved to DC before I moved to New York, so I used to take the bus up to New York because I was really good friends with Gant Johnson — Gant Johnson’s college roommate lived with Derrick Carter. When I look back at my life, everything fits into place. And so I met Gant Johnson at Rednail, which was the loft that Derrick Carter, Mark Farina, Chris Mazuka and G Most lived in. I was saying, "Oh, I'm moving to DC." And Gant was like, "Well, if you ever come to New York, you can stay with me." And I was really known as a dancer. I was a dancer before DJ, and so when I came to New York to visit Gant, Gant was really involved in the Lower Sast Side scene, the drag scene, at Crow Bar.

When I would come up I’d stay with him in his tiny walk-up on First Avenue and 13th Street, and he sort of just took me around and that's how I started to meet people. And it wasn't the New York that I read about, but it was still very vibrant. It was still pre-Internet, it was still pre-Guiliani. At that time you could go out seven nights a week in New York. So Mondays was Sugar Babies, Tuesdays was Jackie 60, Salon was on Wednesdays, Thursdays was Sound Factory Bar and Fridays was either Twilo or Tunnel, and then Sundays...I forget what was on Sundays. But I literally went out seven nights a week every fucking week. And that's just how New York was at the time. I mean, I didn't get to to Area, I didn't get to go to The Mudd Club, I didn't get to go to all those other places, but I still got to experience a part of New York that is not even here today.

Justin: And what were you doing to support yourself?

Honey: I was working in corporate America. I was managing the mental health benefits for the city of New York employees, for firemen and congressmen. If they needed mental health, their insurance would call and I would negotiate rates with their hospitals for inpatient and stuff. So I had a day job, but that's what I was doing when I left Chicago and moved to DC. I was working during the day, then I would come home and sleep for four hours, and then I would go out on every night.

Justin: And how did going out turn into DJing?

Honey: Well, I'd always bought records since I was a kid. I never threw away any records, and I loved house music because I grew up on house music.

Justin: Musically, what was going on when you were growing up?

Honey: My parents were really young when they had me, so there was always music. But I think growing up in Chicago, especially in a very typical, middle-class, African-American household, music is just on 24 hours a day, every day. Barbecues, dinner, when my mom was cooking, cleaning the house, going to the store, there was constant music. That's where my real music education was from, my parents. My second music education was Cable TV when we had a channel called MV60, and that's when I found about all the English bands and they would play all the early new wave videos. I guess the same stuff that they were playing at Danceteria, I was getting in my living room. Bow Wow Wow, and Scritti Politti, all the early stuff.

So everyone knows jacking, when people say “jack your body.” Before that they called it punking out. Punking out was basically emulating new wave culture from New York. And so it never seemed separate.

Justin: In New York we had The Mudd Club, we had Area, we had Danceteria — did you have clubs that kind of fused that all together?

Honey: Yeah, we had that. We had video bars and stuff like that. We had a club called Bistro One and Two, which was predominantly a teenage 18 and over gay club. It was predominantly white. I mean, as you know, Chicago was very segregated, but since I was already into going to Wax Trax! to buy records by Ministry and Front 242, I was a misfit, in a way. I've always been a misfit. I'm still a misfit. But we had industrial clubs because industrial music was quite big in Chicago, too.

This is why it's so funny for me. I just don't see a separation of anything. That's just how I grew up. And it's so funny, because I grew up in a really black and Latin neighborhood, and I was a misfit. Because I was a queer kid, I was already a misfit. So I found my community of misfits through music and culture.

Justin: When you started DJing, did your DJ sets reflect that diversity?

Honey: Yeah, and they still do. I think I just hone my craft all the while. Definitely how I grew up reflects my approach to music. Well, you ask me when did I start DJing in New York? It's so funny, when I moved here things were so separate, and they weren't separate in Chicago. If you were into soulful house music, you went to Shelter. If you wanted the more tribal, big room stuff, you went to Sound Factory.

Justin: It wasn't always like that.

Honey: Yeah, the gay white kids had all their Circut parties. I don't know if Danny Krivit’s 718 Sessions was around at that time, but people that were into what happened at the Garage and The Loft gravitated towards that party. I just thought, that's not how I experienced music, or was exposed to music. So I just literally started DJing. I'd always bought records. I had a huge record collection just from my love of music. I wanted to DJ because I was not seeing music presented in a way that I had experienced in Chicago, with which was no boundaries. What always amazes me about that is that you had inner city black kids that were so fearless and forward thinking about how they played music to other black kids, because these were marginalized people that were listening to a lot of European music. I found out about the B-52s from other black kids. I found out about all of this music from other black kids, you know?

I always think, does that still happen? Because everyone is so mono-vision right now. Everyone just has tunnel vision about what they like. And so I just started DJing out of necessity of wanting to experience music how I experienced it.

Justin: And where were you playing in New York?

Honey: My very first DJ gig was on Eldridge Street at a place called bOb, that I used to do on Monday nights. I used to call it Chicago House. I got paid 60 bucks a night to DJ for five hours. When I go and DJ somewhere for two hours, I'm like, "You know, in New York, if you were the DJ for the night, you played from beginning to end."

Justin: Well, I do know that.

Honey: I mean that's just the culture of New York, and that's how I learned how to DJ.

Justin: It was really hard for me when that whole thing changed, and then I had to play for two hours. I didn't know how to do it.

Honey: I still don't know how to do it.

Justin: I was like, "Oh, This doesn't make sense." There's no time to build up to something.

Honey: To breathe, or let the music breathe, or connect to the crowd, or set up a vibe.

Justin: I mean I figured it out , but it took a while to really feel comfortable doing that.

Honey: I don't like it.

Justin: It's nice to see there are a few places now letting DJs play the whole night again. In New York, I was DJing at The Mudd Club, and then some friends took me to the Paradise Garage and that changed my whole life and what DJing meant, and I finally understood what this all means. Did you go to the Warehouse in Chicago or was there a club or DJ that made you feel like that?

Honey: I was too young for the Warehouse, but I did have a fake ID. I did get to go hear Ron Hardy once, and I used to hear Frankie Knuckles at different places around the city. But my education, really, in the craft of DJing came from Derrick Carter. Just being in the Loft and seeing him. He used to work at Gramophone Records and when you're a kid, the way kids used to make money, was to make mix tapes and sell them at the store. So I would be around while he made mix tapes. He was really the one that showed me what DJing could be. Him and Mark Farina. Derrick Carter was so fearless back then. I mean he still is amazing. I still have a lot of respect for him, but just beat juggling, and phasing records, and acapellas, and different genres together to make something new, taking a pop vocal and putting it over a techno record. We didn't have names for it. It was just this is what they did.

My second education was when I moved to New York and became really good friends with Danny Tenaglia and seeing him go from playing at Gag on Tuesdays at Sound Factory Bar, to when he blew up into the legend that he is, after he'd just moved back from Miami. And I used to see him play at Twilo, just the theater of presenting music, the drama, the space, the sonics and the tension that he builds. And it was a whole different education for me. And then my other education was at the Body & Soul party, how Joe Clausel manipulated the EQ, and how eclectic Francois K. was, and then Danny Krivit bringing more of a heritage soul vibe with a disco element to it, how just all of these different things sonically worked in the course of a night. And also seeing Victor Calderone, and Peter Rauhoffer play at the Roxy. I was able to see a lot of people DJing in a lot of different environments and different ways, and that was my education that I still carry with me today.

Justin: And the DJ world today, there are so many DJs.

Honey: Everyone would like to say they're a DJ.

Justin: Yeah, well. DJs getting paid incredible fees.

Honey: Millions of dollars.

Justin: Who are "DJs" and have never played a whole night.

Honey: Or to a gay audience, or to a black audience. I remember the first time I played at 718 Sessions, and I literally had all of these people that... There's nothing shadier than when you have a bunch of black queens staring at you with their arms crossed, waiting for you to entertain them, that have been around, that know their musical history. Once you can pass that test, I feel like you can sort of DJ, because these people aren't on drugs. They're very serious about their music, dancing, expressing, and the spirituality in music. But having said that, DJing has gone, and our culture has gone, from a community of marginalized people regardless of race, sexual orientation, economic status, social standing, to a middle-class form of entertainment. And so DJs now are marketable. It's no longer about what music you play... it's just different.

Justin: How would you describe your role as DJ?

Honey: To challenge, educate and entertain.

Justin: You know when people come up to you, "Can you play...do you have?" I'm like, "No. This is not what this is about." They don't get it.

Honey: I feel that a certain generation of people look at DJs as a form of entertainment. You're there for their entertainment and so they feel entitled, especially if they don't have a culture of clubbing and DJing.

Justin: That's an issue.

Honey: They think we're a jukebox.

I'm just going to put this out here, it's normally white women of privilege that are the ones that feel entitled to go to the booth and demand that you play something.

Justin: Shove their phone in your face.

Honey: I've even had people say, "Oh, can you play from my iPod."

Justin: We've all had that.

Honey: It's even harder for me when you do fashion events, because when you're there, they really look at you as you're no different than the busboy or the caterer. I recently did a fashion event and five different women came up to me and asked me to play five different requests that were all from the corporate office. And at a certain point, I just said, "Look, can I just do my job?"

Justin: I think there’s a disconnect. A lot of kids who are into this today have never been to a club. They go to festivals. It's a show.

Honey: And they read blogs, they look at YouTube. And this is a thing, too. I also have to say no. When I listen to a lot of electronic music today, I'm just like, "You've never really danced," because there's no swing and I can just tell the difference between people really experiencing music in a community of people that are there for the same reason.

Justin: I'm all about new music, and there's lots of great stuff being released. So much in fact. It's just filtering through the good and bad, it’s finding the stuff that you connect with, because it's there.

Honey: That's true. You just have to work a bit harder now because I think there were always horrible records, but we didn't have the Internet, and we didn't have the technology that made everyone a producer as well.

Justin: But we had DJs that we would go hear and we trusted his taste, and he would turn us on to new records.That's where you heard music first.

Honey: And record stores.

Justin: Yes! You'd hang out there. "Hey, did you get this?" You had Wax Trax! And Gramaphone in Chicago, we had Vinylmania and others in New York.

Honey: It was the same thing. When I moved to New York and there was Eightball Records, there was Satellite Records.

I remember, literally, you would take a day and go to all the shops. You would have to take a day just to go record shopping because you went to so many different places.

Justin: And the person selling the records knew you and your taste because you shopped there all the time..

Honey: I was always turned on just by hanging out at the record store. I would be at Satellite Records and someone will play record, and I was like, "Oh my God. What is that?" "Oh, it's in the progressive house section." I'm like, "But that's not progressive house." Or then someone will be playing something like, "What record is that?" "Oh, it's in the trance section." I'm like, "Huh?" And that's what I loved about community of DJs is that sometimes you would go and hear things that you never would look for. And I miss that.

Justin: You had an amazing year. You've become an icon.

Honey: Oh, yeah, it doesn't feel like it.

Justin: It's true. And you've worked your very hard to get there. Well deserved.

Honey: Most people forget that this has been a lifelong thing.

Justin: I know that.

Honey: But thank you for saying that. I'm glad, though, that it happened to me at an age where I'm better able to understand what's happening. I feel now that the pressure is really on, because now there's expectations.

Justin: Right. It's like when no one knows who you are, you're like, "Oh, wow. Who are you?"

Honey: There's a sense of freedom, and now I have to live up to what that last DJ set or the last record.

Justin: Do you get nervous before you play?

Honey: I don't get nervous anymore before I play. I'll tell you why. Certain places I get nervous before I play, but my nervousness comes from wanting to do well. Just always wanting to just be my best, and to challenge myself to be better. It doesn't come from me worrying about the crowd, but it just comes from me challenging myself to be better because I still feel like I'm learning. Sometimes I fuck up mixes. Sometimes I feel like I could have EQed this better, or the flow could have been better. I'm always very, very critical of my work. But for so many years people said no. For so many years record labels didn't take my music. For so many years people considered me a gay DJ, so straight venues or festivals weren't booking me. The gays weren't booking me either because I wasn't playing circuit music or pop remixes. So that sort of trained me to really be confident in what I do musically, and it's nice that all of these things are happening to me, but I still feel no different than when people were saying I was shit, or I wasn't good.

I think the only thing that I'm enjoying about success is that I'm able to finally say I'm a DJ, that I make a living as a DJ, and that I don't have to worry about what my next two months of gigs are going to look like or calling my agent, “why am I not being booked.” And there's still places that I want to play that aren't booking me, there's still things that I want to do...

The funny thing about what's happening, is that just now my name is higher up on the bill. It's the same clubs, the same people. It's just now my name placement is different. And so I look at it very much like that. And it's nice that I make a little bit more scratch, and my name's higher on the bill, but it's the same shit.

Justin: And how does being transgender come into play in the DJ world?

Honey: It is my life, but I think there's just been a lack of conversation about diversity in our culture for so long. I think we've plateaued with just straight white men running the show, musically, culturally, artistically. And I think one of the great things about social media is that it's given a lot of different people a lot of different voices. It's not just a trans thing, but women, women of color, queer women, queer people, gender nonconforming people, non-binary people, now have avenues to have their voice heard and not have someone filter that voice. I have to say, I don't live my life as a professional trans person.

I find it's the least interesting thing about me. I know that people are interested in that part of it, but if I wasn't who I was, I wouldn't have been exposed to music the way I have been. I came up at a time when that music was specifically black, gay, Latin and queer. And if I wasn't queer, I wouldn't have been able to hear music presented in that way in those environments. So my marginalization has actually benefited me in a lot of ways, and now, having a platform to be able to talk about what that's been like and give voices to those people, it's not about me anymore. I really feel like I'm just carrying and giving visibility to the people that have always been there and have always done this shit.

Justin: You're here to carry on the tradition.

Honey: I'm a piece of the puzzle. I mean I'm not so egotistical that I think that I'm the only one, or anything, but I'm a piece of the puzzle. I mean, when Frankie Knuckles died, to me that was the last black, gay DJ. We only really have one left, which is Derrick Carter, just still carrying on that information from that time.

I'm supposed to curate a lineup soon of DJs, queer people playing disco, and I couldn't think of anyone that really has the experience of presenting disco in that way because the club culture that nourished that is gone globally. Those rooms and those energies are gone globally. So it informs my work, but it doesn't define it.

But there's likely less than 20 people. It's a very small pool. And as far as a trans artist is concerned, I don't know of anyone else that just comes from what I come from. So I feel like it's important for me to play how I play, to play the music that I play, because if I don't do it, it won't get out there. A lot of people don't like it. A lot of people like it.

Justin: Well, obviously a lot of people are liking it now.

Honey: Well, more people are hearing about it, so it's nice. But again, I'm just a piece of the puzzle.

Justin: And let's talk about fashion and music, because I grew up with that, and for me that goes hand-in-hand.

Honey: Of course.

Justin: They inspire each other, and like you I live in a house full of magazines and books, and it's influenced my music, my productions. But fashion, like music, has became part of mainstream culture.

Honey: It was more elitist back then.

Justin: Now, like DJing, everyone's a fashion expert.

Honey: Well, now you don't even have to know the craft or design as long as you have surface and visuals, social media presence, celebrity.

Justin: I mean your social media is very focused on fashion, as well as the things that inspired you, that still do inspire you.

Honey: Sometimes I feel that I'm at odds with my social media. Like, "Why am I always posting old shit?" Do you know what I mean? And sometimes I have a problem with that. It's very fashion-focused, but it's music-focused, too. It's heritage music focused. I think I post a lot of that stuff because, to me, they're forgotten sources of inspiration and a lot of people appropriate that work without giving respect to the source. But I'm so envious that you lived in a time when it was the apex of fashion art and music, everyone slept in bed together.

And you really had to have a talent to be even considered. And to me, that doesn't exist anymore. I think fashion has become so commercial and corporatized now. When I do a lot of fashion events it's like DJing a wedding. They want familiar things, and if I play anything with a 4/4 kick drum, even if it's a disco record, they associate that with techno and they have no idea what the fuck techno is. So even though I love clothing, I love fashion, whenever I got into it, I was like, "Who did the hair? Who did the makeup? Who took the picture? Who styled the photo, the composition, the model?" So for me it was more about image making. I was so obsessed with Jean-Paul Goude, and it was just about art and image making. There was always this fine line and a crossover between the two.

Even my favorite bands, what they looked like was just as important as the cover art and what they sounded like. I never, ever separated any of those things, so I try to do that as an artist. I try to be a 360 with art and the use of fashion. I love clothing. I don't love it as much as I used to because I feel like what's happened in fashion has become so democratized and also so corporatized, now there's no soul to what's happening. I wouldn't say there's no soul for me. I don't want to speak for others because someone else they might feel differently. But we're just living in a different time. We didn't have social media back then. We didn't have the Internet back then, and so you actually had to have a point-of-view. You had to research, you had to dig, you had to find a like-minded community of people that felt the same way about these things, instead of just logging on or just scrolling on your phone, having all this information there.

I find that when you find something, when I would discover a designer or something that no one knew about, it just sort of was like a badge of honor for me because it felt like my thing. It felt like I was creating my own thing for me, and it wasn't about someone giving it 100 likes or someone wanting to brand it, or make money from it. It was just my self-expression. I found it, I nurtured it, I let it evolve and that was my thing. And then you met other people that did their thing, and then you came together and created this new thing out of your own thing. And now everyone has access to the same looks, the same designers, so everyone's just basically recycling the same shit that everyone else is doing.

Justin: So how do you stand out and be an individual today? How do you deal with being a misfit today?

Honey: I think being a misfit today is easier. It's easier to be a misfit because of social media. You don't need a magazine editor or the record label to say, "Yes, this is good." You can just do your own thing. So I think there's a great amount of freedom in being a misfit today. However, everyone being different is actually everyone being the same.

I had to go out to Brooklyn yesterday and I took the bus, because I had to go to IKEA, and I saw this kid on the bus who was such an amalgamation of so many different things. He was a Latin kid with gold fronts, but two ponytail poofs, grills, tattoos all over his neck, baggy clothes, but then a beeper. Then he had on a plastic back rave backpack. And I just thought, wow. I don't think he knew how many different things he had mixed together. He had a beeper.

I just thought, wow, he's like cyber punk, but punk, but then hip hop, but then drug dealer. It felt really fresh to me. He wasn't styled. It was a bit rough. It was raw. But I felt something.

Justin: It's funny because you just see everyone looking the same these days. You get on the subway car and half the car is wearing whatever the goose jacket is. It's a uniform, they all want to look the same. When I was a kid, I just didn't want to look like just anybody else.

Honey: Well, I buy a lot of stuff on eBay now, just because I've been finding old Parachute clothes and old Kansai Yamamoto sweaters. I always liked clothing that was associated with cultural movements and expressions. I think why I love dressing so much like the 70s is because it reminds me of when people dressed up to go get laid and go out to get drugs, made an effort to go dancing. Dressed up to go out.

Now everyone dresses to get their photograph on Instagram or a style blog. There was a really good article recently about how all of these girls, and these style blog stars, they're basically given fashion by corporate companies. It's just a different way of advertising. Most of the people that are photographed are thin, white women that these companies are trying to sell to other thin, white women. You have to go out to Red Hook, or Brooklyn, the Bronx, Queens, just to find more real street-style. And these kids are just living their lives — I find that so refreshing.

Justin: Is anything in musically inspiring you right now?

Honey: I feel like as a house music DJ, a lot of my music is percussion-based, and there's not a lot of melody. I mean, there is dance music that is made that way, but I've been listening to a lot of Alice Coltrane, Carole King, Phoebe Snow. Just going back and listening to the music that had great lyrical content and reflected on the political landscapes of the times. Especially in our political climate now, there's a lack of music that is consciousness music. So I've been sort of turned on by that.

And there's a few techno producers that I like. There's this kid called Wbeeza who's from Peckham, which is like the Brooklyn of London. I love his stuff. There's another producer from London called Loan, I love his stuff. Most of the stuff, for me, is still European. I miss the days when we had a New York sound. The last DJ or producer that came out of New York that I liked was Galcher Lustwerk.

Justin: He's great.

Honey: I like his stuff. He's really cool.

Justin: Yeah, I heard his stuff, and I didn't know him, and I just wrote him a message on SoundCloud one day, and I said, "You don't know me. I don't know you. But I'm a big fan of your music." And he wrote me back and we connected.

Honey: One of my songs on my album was inspired by him and I wanted him to do the vocals, but it just never happened.

Justin: That's the one of the best  things about the Internet. That people can connect with you who have been touched in some way by your work.

Honey:  Even connecting with older artists — I don't like that word. Heritage artists. I became friends with the Dj Bruce Forest that way, through social media. And people like you, and I've been able to connect to things that I love. I don't like to live in the past, but I like to take inspiration from that time.

Justin: Yeah, I'm all about that.

Honey: Because I don't believe in a timeline. If you look at physics, the past, the present and the future all exist on the same plane. So I just look at music and art like that. I can still look at a Gustav Clement photo, as well as a Mapplethorpe, as well as something that's happening today, and it all still feels the same to me. I don't separate them. And just like I can listen to 1920s swing music, I can listen to 70s rock, I can listen to what's happening today. All of it informs to everything for me. I just think if you're an artistic person, it all feeds the source.

[musicmixtapes]

April 24, 2018 Mix

Hello friends,

Another installment of music! This week was really easy because I just put together exactly what I was feeling including love, memories, scary emotions, and independence. Enjoy and let me know if you have any comments or suggestions! Spotify Playlist 1. Quiet, The Winter Harbor by Mazzy Star - Brand new single by Mazzy which I'm so excited about because she is one of my favorite 90s female singers and is still going strong. Although it's spring, this song is still very much appropriate for any people who are having a hard time leaving things in the past and feel like a sinking ship. 2. Between The Breaths by Mitski and Xiu Xiu - I am always a big fan of the combination of singing and acting spoken word in new indie songs which this piece does perfectly. Definitely gives off a bit of an eerie electronic vibe which has a sunny disposition. 3. You Were Afraid by Night Beds - Looking back on past love and seeing what went wrong, the age old topic for sad romance songs. This one is cool though because it doesn't make you feel sad while listening to it so that's fun. 4. Lotus Eater by Foster The People - I immediately loved this song because FTP always has the coolest guitar/drum combos in their pieces. Also I love the greek mythology reference to the "lotus eaters" I am a big fan. 5. Be Your Own 3am by Adult Mom - This song is so important. It is literally an anthem for self love, self care, and taking your mom's advice to "be your own 3am" which is so accurate. Stop trying to find love and acceptance externally through physical pleasures and just try to find some happiness within! 6. Stuck On The Puzzle by Alex Turner - This is the same writer and singer who is the front man of Arctic Monkeys who took his own solo EP and wrote from a very different perspective and genre, more romantic and slow paced. I love the careless, anti romantic beginning which turns into someone who can't figure out why he loves someone so much. 7. I Admit I'm Scared by Ó - Being scared something good is going to go wrong and that someone won't be a part of your life anymore? I'm sure we can all relate. The feelings of anxiety in love is explored in this song which struck so personally to me and it's so sweetly put with simple music to it. 8. The Circle Game by Joni Mitchell - Probably the only song that can make me cry at any place and time. The angelic voice of Joni as she travels through the birth, life and inevitable death of a young person, with the swell of people singing the chorus literally gives me the chills. My dad used to play this in the car all the time when I was little. 9. Still Clean by Soccer Mommy - A song about betrayal and being used for physical senses... there are a lot of animal related metaphors to explain the writer's feelings and I think she does it wonderfully. Letting someone use you because you love them leaves you feeling empty, according to this hell of a song. 10. Honey Leak by Little Bird - An R&B, soulful, electric song that keeps you listening carefully for the gently sung words underneath the awesome cacophony of instrumental throughout. 11. This Strange Effect by The Shacks - Stumbled upon this band completely by chance and so glad I did because they are definitely an up and coming alt/indie rock generational icon. This is one of their more known songs and it's actually a cover of the song by The Kinks (who I love). 12. Not My Baby by Alvvays - The intro to this song is the sound of a motorcycle driving away which signifies the ending of a relationship (love the sound metaphor). We listen to the carefree sound of the song and think about the singer talk about her becoming uninterested in the relationship and mentally checking out. 13. The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song by The Flaming Lips - Questioning everything. Saying that if people had the choice and no consequences, would they automatically do the wrong thing just to get their way? The Flaming Lips say, "yeah yeah yeah" they would because that's what happens when someone has too much power. 14. Francine by Esmé Patterson - Loving someone who belongs to someone else. I love when a song has a person's name as the title because it's so personal, yet so much of the time the story the singer is telling can be relatable to other people in our own lives. 15. Help Myself by Knox Fortune - This song reminds me of me and my mom, which is the mark of a really good song if it maybe is meant to relate to one specific kind of relationship but transcends that boundary and moves to any relationship. I love this line: She brushed her teeth, I stayed in bed/She brushed her hair, I scratched my head/I bite my nails, she gets hers done/We're not the same, not hard to tell. 16. Let My Love Open The Door by Rogue Wave - A cover of an older 80s jam that is really well known, just taken down a few notches, un electrified and sung with a different sort of passion, still passionate though. It's really popular these days to cover older songs in a unique way that almost forges a whole new song which I'm loving. 17. Psychotic Girl by The Black Keys - Recommended to me by a cool friend, I totally discovered a new side of the Black Keys and some of their older music has such a Rolling Stones vibe which I totally can chill with. 18. Kiss Off by The Violent Femmes - This song is the epitome of forming modern rock bands and giving so much musical influence. Not even to mention the iconic counting in this song which gave so many other artists this idea, but the hardcore bass and guitar which makes you wanna dance is just amazing. 19. Miss You by The Rolling Stones - The iconic beginning to the song which everyone knows is obviously awesome, but the whole thing is great too. Jagger sings about longing (maybe lusting too) about a girl he really wants back with him. Total spring feels because of the romantic element here. 20. People Can't Stop Chillin' by Sports - An instrumental ballad which is super pretty and includes some harmonious voices and a couple horns at the end which closes out so lovely.

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 10 – Really Just A Whole Lot Of Dialogue (or: the Thanksgiving Prelude)

In which we finally get the Beautiful Murderous Snowflake content we deserve, the canonical gayness picks up speed, past predictions are confirmed, future ones are wildly formed and Neil discovers his new Powers of Persuasion.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

Hold yourselves – it’s not time for the epic Thanksgiving shenanigans y’all have been warning me about yet. Instead, we get a nice lil in-between chapter which really just consists of Neil talking to people.

Seriously. There is so much talking. This chapter is like 80% pure dialogue.

However, I am not minding one bit because –

MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

THE RENEE CONTENT IS HERE.

Side note: I read this on the way to a convention while literally dressed as Renee. It was very, very surreal.

           “Last year Andrew took a few of us out to Eden’s Twilight one at a time,” Renee said. “You now know why Andrew invited Matt. He invited Dan to see if she was a woman worth following on the court. He asked me because he, like you, didn’t buy into this front.” She gestured at her face and rested her fingertips on her cross necklace. “He wanted the truth, so I told him.”

Oh, boy.

Oh, BOY.

Remember how I kept calling her my murderous snowflake earlier on?

Yeah. ABOUT THAT.

Apparently, Murderous Snowflake was in some pretty deep shit in a gang in Detroit – and we’re not talking the cute, ‘maybe we’ll spray a graffiti here or there’, squad-type gang, but the violent, ‘each of us owns a private collection of butterfly knives’, ‘they’re pretty sweet actually’, ‘also we’ll kill your family and your dog’, ‘with our butterfly knives’-type.

Fortunately for her, she got caught, had a nice lil time in juvie and was then adopted by Actual Angel Mom Stephanie Walker, despite the fact that her rebellious ass has tortured over a dozen foster people before her.

Also she’s responsible for the death of her mom and her boyfriend by putting them in jail where they were beaten to death.

Oh, what’s that? Oh, guys, this just in: I FREAKIN CALLED IT.

I AM AWESOME AT PREDICTING ALL THE THINGS.

Renee Walker, everybody - Murderous Snowflake, Cute But Deadly, Deliverer of Punches, Baker of Cookies, Owner of My Fucking Heart.

           Renee hadn’t exaggerated when she said she and Andrew were a lot alike. They had violent, unstable upbringings thanks to their mothers and spent time in both juvie and the foster system. Their paths split irrevocably after their respective adoptions. Renee let Stephanie shape her into a decent human being and atones for her past brutality whereas Andrew murdered his mother the first chance he got.

Ahh, it’s been way too long without any character parallels for me to cry over. <3

WHY ARE THE GOALIE BFFS THE BEST PLATONIC SHIP IN THIS ENTIRE SERIES MY HEART CAN’T HANDLE THIS.

Speaking of shipping!

My boy Neil apparently hasn’t gotten the ‘platonic’ memo yet.

           “Why haven’t you asked him out?” (…)

           “What is all this about, if you don’t mind me asking?” she asked. “You’ve never seemed interested before.”

Why do I have a hunch Renee will fucking captain the Andreil ship.

Anyone fancy some spontaneous Fox Feels™ in between?

           Neil grasped for a good way to explain. He didn’t want to tell her he’d spent Friday night thinking about dying. He hadn’t wanted to think about a future he didn’t have, so he stood at the railing and thought about his teammates instead. (…)

           They’d never be perfect, but they were going to be all right. They’d come to the Foxhole Court as fractured messes but they were fixing each other one semester at a time.

And if you look to your right, you’ll see me crying in a fucking corner.

I love :’( my fox babies :( so much :’(( what the fc u k k kkkkkk !!!!!!

I’ve just spent all weekend with a beautiful Andrew and Neil, my emotional ass is fresh out of feels hell and this has dragged me right the fuck back in.

           “If you can say ‘no’ so easily to me, why haven’t you set anyone else straight yet?”

           “It’s complicated,” Renee said, “and we profit more from silence.”

Apparently, the Goalie BFFs are also the Scamming BFFs as they cash in on bets made on them with Allison’s help.

You guys have no idea how much this amuses me.

It’s scamming for a good cause, in Renee’s case. Still. What a bunch of lil savvy shits <3

And then – this.

           “When I said I wasn’t Andrew’s type, I meant it. It’s not about my looks or faith. It’s that I’m a woman.”

I would have a really sweet surprised freakout over this, except for the fact that Andreil being endgame was the only fucking thing I knew about this series before starting it.

So I’m not exactly off my socks about this dramatic revelation.

Still – HELLO, MORE CANON GAY CHARACTERS. <3

           “Oh. Then Andrew and Kevin – “

           Renee laughed and waved that off. “Oh, no. You’ll meet Kevin’s girlfriend later this year, I’m sure.”

Aww. So glad to hear he and Exy made it official <3

No but for real. Kevin has a GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!?!

           “Kevin doesn’t have a girlfriend. He’s under too much scrutiny from the press and his fans to hide that sort of thing.”

And he’s also probably got an Exy ball where his romantic heart is supposed to be.

Funnily enough, my suggestions of Orange Sportsball being Kevin’s girlfriend turn out to be not that far off – he’s dating Thea Muldani, an Ex-raven who is now playing on the national Court.

I’m sure she’ll appear at some point later. I don’t actually care much about this as of yet. Next!

          He didn’t know what [Renee] and Andrew talked abut when they stood off by themselves. Thinking it was Exy strategies was laughable. Imaginig them having a serious conversation about Andrew’s closeted sexuality was equally impossible.

They talk about boys, knives, the hottest new all-black clothes and how best to scam their teammates. Duh.

Also headcanon that Andrew is the one who re-dyes Renee’s hair when her roots start to show up. Don’t question it. Just imagine it.

          “If you are as like us as we first predicted you to be, perhaps one day you can also come to see me as a friend. (…) Andrew understands me, and I him. It’s comforting knowing someone else has been where we once were. If either Andrew or I can help you, please know we are here.”

Did I mention I love Renee a heckin’ hell of a lot recently??

Did I??

DID I???????

          “Maybe now that I’ve sated your curiosity you can help me. I need a boy’s opinion on gifts for Aaron and Andrew. For their birthday – (…) they didn’t celebrate it last year, and Nicky says they haven’t celebrated it since they moved in together, but hopefully this one is different.”

TWINYARDS BIRTHDAY HECK YEAH.

I wanna know what mystery gifts Renee got them. I need to know.

Also, I hope they’re throwing them a surprise party. I can see entirely no way this can go wrong in the slightest. Oh well.

However, it’s not birthday time yet – and it’s also not Thanksgiving time yet, which a lot of you have been warning me about.

(Seriously. Y’all are MENTAL over it. What the fuck is happening on Thanksgiving. It can’t be that bad.)

(I have a feeling I’ll be eating my words in a few days’ time).

First, it’s time for – you guessed it – even more dialogue!

          “I’m two seconds away from being dead,” Nicky said. “Mom just called to wish Andrew and Aaron a happy birthday.”

Considering the fact that Nicky’s parents are Prime Grade A Assholes, this is not exactly peachy news.

          “Why did she call, really?” Neil asked.

          “To invite us home for Thanksgiving dinner.”

Whomp – there it is.

Seriously. What will happen. I’m so intrigued.

          “If I go to Andrew with this, he’ll either laugh me off or pretend he doesn’t hear me. But he listens to you, right?”

Hell yeah he does.

Neil, you are gifted with the mythical powers of Talking Andrew Into Anything. You have Persuasion Powers, Neil. Use your powers for good, Neil. Become to hero Palmetto deserves, Neil. NEIL.

          “I know they think I’m a heathen doomed to burn for eternity, and I know I should give up on them, but I can’t. Maybe this call means they’re coming around. I have to know. Please, Neil? I want my mom back. I miss her more than you know.”

NICKY :’(((((((((((((((((( <3333

I’ll be your mom okay, I’ll cuddle you always, I’ll make you pasta and your bedtime is never.

Of course, even Neil can’t resist our chatty sunshine hurting like this, and so he goes over to the murder kitten for some Fun Andreil Persuasion Talk Times.

          “Today’s not a good day,” Andrew said. “Try again tomorrow.”

          “I wouldn’t crash your birthday party if it wasn’t important.”

          Andrew grinned. “Sarcasm from Neil? Your repertoire of talents is ever-expanding.”

Bitch, were you not there in the two (2) chapters where Neil absolutely dragged and sarcasm-WRECKED Riko Raven-Fucker? Seriously, how is this news to you.

          “Tick tock,” Andrew said. “You have my attention, now keep my interest.”

          “Nicky’s mother called.”

          “Oops, time’s up.”

BAHAHAHAHA.

No, you actually have no idea how hard I laughed at that part.

Tagged: Me dealing with my problems like.

However, Andrew does start talking sense after a few rounds of distracted bantering, and suddenly Fun Andreil Persuasion Times turns into Fun Andrew Story Times:

          “She was not my mother. (…) Cass, though. Cass? Cass would have been.”

So apparently, this woman called Cass Spear wanted to adopt Andrew – and yup, that’s the wife of the guy Higgins is investigating right now, which is of course not worrying at all.

This also means Drake apparently isn’t a surname. This just got even more interesting. WHO THE HELL IS DRAKE.

Not you, Drake.

Anyways, said Cass wanted to adopt Andrew, wanted to care for him and give him a good future, all that jazz. And Luther (aka Nicky’s asshole dad) was totally fine with it – except apparently Andrew wasn’t.

Yet he said both Cass and Richard never did anything bad to him – which brings me back to who the fuck is Drake, because the obvious answer now is that this Drake person did something to him.

And whatever fuckery happened, Andrew told Luther – who flat out did not believe him and called it a ”misunderstanding”, hence Andrew’s dislike for that word. Cool, cool cool, cool shit, what is h a p p e n i n g.

          “So did Luther not believe you or did he say you were wrong?” Neil asked. “There is a significant difference between the two.”

          “Oh.” Andrew half-turned to face him again. “Sometimes I forget you are sharper than you look.”

Ya boy Neil gets it. I don’t know why, but I loved this little exchange a lot. It just?? They begin to understand each other?? Also Andrew doesn’t think Neil is a complete idiot?? Good shit.

And now I begin to see why y’all may like the Thanksgiving chapter so much:

          “Maybe he’s sorry.”

          “You say that because you haven’t met Luther,” Andrew said.

          “Can I?”

What.

          “It could be entertaining,” Neil said.

          “It could be,” Andrew allowed.

          “Let’s all go. (…) Imagine how uncomfortable Nicky’s parents will be if they have to contend with the five of us.”

Oh SHIT. This will be fun. This will be very, very fucking fun.

And just like this, Andrew agrees to Thanksgiving dinner with the Asshole Christians - if they don’t do it on Thanksgiving directly and if his monster squad can tag along. I am suddenly even more for this next chapter than I already was.

Neil, realizing his opportunity of having turned Fun Andreil Persuasion Times into Fun Andreil Honesty Times, can’t help but dash out another tricky question while he’s at it:

          “Did you really kill Aaron’s mother?” (…)

          “Guess she hit him one time too many. I warned her not to lay a hand on him, but she didn’t listen to me.”

I can’t say I’m surprised, but still – Andrew, what the frickely FUCK.

          “My first memories are of people dying,” Neil said. “I’m not afraid of you.”

          “That’s why you’re so interesting,” Andrew said. “How aggravating.”

          He sounded amused, not annoyed, so Neil said, “I’ll try to be more boring in the future.”

          “How considerate.”

Is this…….. Andreil banter……….. that I’m witnessing………. With my own two eyeballs………

AMAZING.

And with that, the conversation is over, and the chapter almost is as well – except, obviously my baby Nicky is over the fucking moon.

          He yanked Neil into a fierce hug before Neil thought to dodge. “Oh, you might just be the best thing to happen to the Foxes.”

          “I doubt that.”

          “I don’t.”

ME NEITHER MY DUDE. <33333333333

Also, that was probably the first time anyone hugged Neil since his mother died. And that’s the thought I’m leaving y’all with today.

If you like what I do here and you want to help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

[meisteralready]

A Supermarket at 45 rpm

1982. Reagan was still just an actor in the white house, my hometown baseball team would win the World Series, and I was turning nine years old. We didn’t have cable, my Mom and I lived in an apartment in Fenton, Mo, St. Louis County. South of the city. That summer was awesome. I think it was sunny everyday. I went camping for a whole weekend for the first time with someone other than my family. I also kissed a girl for the first time. It was on a trampoline late one afternoon in Eddie Weber’s backyard. That summer, I bought my first record as well, a 45 rpm.

All summer long, we kept hearing the same song, at the pool, in movie theater parking lots, at the field house where we would go or sno-cones after soccer practice. It started off weird, the song did, with what sounded like someone hitting empty coke bottles. The guy singing had a strange accent. It was a rock song, but it had a lotta flute in it and no, it wasn’t Jethro Tull, In the lyrics, he talked about vegemite sandwiches. I found out the name of the song was “Down Under” and the name of the band was Men At Work.

I remember being in the car with my Mom and the song came on. I quickly asked her to turn it up, which caught her attention, for this was not something I did on the reg. She chuckled at various references in the song especially “where the beer would flow and men would chunder", which I only found recently meant to puke. Mom stated, halfway in the song, “I think these guys are from Austraila”, and when the famous vegemite line was uttered, she laughed, “Oh, yeah, they’re Aussies,” adding, “your father and I knew a lot of blokes like that.”

I didn’t quite know what that meant, but she beamed with pride. My Dad and Mom, when they were first married, lived in Sydney for a few months, then Melbourne, before having to come home because my grandfather got sick and Mom found out that she was pregnant. It was hard for them to leave Australia, they were a young couple in the prime of their lives, living abroad in a friendly country (Well, friendly at least to white people at that time, aside from how they treated aborigines), and they seemed to be deeply, madly in love.

Their photo albums from that time were like highlight reels for happiness with pictures that made it seem like they’re living in heaven on earth. After they moved back, Grandpa did die and grief-stricken, Mom miscarried. Three years later, I was born, but they were miserable together and eventually got divorced. Yet Australia, was this gem of their time together and, even today, the greatest times of their lives.

Back in 1982, The DJ on the radio in the car confirmed that, indeed, Men At Work were from Australia and that they were HUUUUGEEE there. Now at that time, the only other band I knew that was from Australia was AC/DC and I was told by John Hrdlicka, my next door neighbor with the most christian mother i had ever met, that AC/DC actually meant After Christ, Devil Comes. My cousin Kathy had an album of theirs with Angus displaying his devil horns, so that, in essence, confirmed it. To a eight year old, Satan was some heavy shit.

A week or so later, Mom and I went to Schnuck’s, our neighborhood grocery store. This was the early 80s, we didn’t go out a whole lot, and going to the supermarket was a BFD. A Big Fucking Deal. Sometimes we’d see a friend of mine from school or Mom would flirt with the store manager to get double coupons on a week where there wasn’t double coupons. And Mom usually let me get something, like candy or a comic book or the like. But this time it was different.

Mom, by now six years divorced, still beautiful, and very liberated, was talking it up in the meat aisle with a guy wearing a wide-open, chest-hair-filled polyester shirt. I didn’t know him and it didn’t seem like anybody else did as well. They displayed all the signs of attraction between two people, something that, years later, I would come to recognize. He would lean in to her to tell a joke, my Mom would lilt in her laugh and shift her hips side-to-side. I didn’t even know if the jokes were good, and, being nine, kicked at the rollers on the shopping cart, and was generally, loudly bored. After an elongated “MoooOOOoooM,” she turned to me, quickly dug into her purse and handed me four bucks.

FOUR BUCKS. That was pretty incredible. Outside of Christmas cards or birthdays, it was the most money I had ever held in my hand. I was dumbfounded. “What do I do with this?” I asked. Mom, never breaking her gaze from her Meat Market Adonis shooed me away with a “whatever you want.” I walked away amazed and let them continue their budding romance next to the pork steaks. I had to get one more meat joke in.

The supermarket was now, a whole new world to me. I was willy wonka and this was my chocolate factory, everything seemed at my disposal. WHAT TO BUY WITH ALL MY RICHES? I went to the comic books - nothing new there, I had all the latest editions that were on the shelf. I looked at the candy and nothing was overly biting me - I believe I had one of those sno-cones only an hour or so earlier. I went closer to the liquor aisle, no, i was pre-pubescent wino. Near the liqour, Schnucks was trying out something new, something I had never seen before outside the local Sam Goody - a section for 45 rpm records.

Now, in the history of vinyl, these were the waning years of the record single. Tape and later CD singles would be the 7 inches’ demise, falling to an all-time sales low in 1985. And supermarkets, being the dinosaurs of change, added a 45 record section in the last dying breaths of the medium. It is though, historic to me for it was where I bought my first record, next to a guy buying a fifth of Seagram’s Gin and Similac.

I looked through the two rows of singles - Hurts So Good by John No-One-Had-Yet-Heard-of Mellencap Cougar, Abracadabra by Steve Miller Band which did not reach out and grab me, and many, many copies of Always On My Mind by Willie Nelson, which I almost bought because Willie looked like a space cowboy on the cover wearing a silver jacket, changing out his regular red bandana for some teal blue sari-looking one, all the while with weird sand dunes in the back that made him look like he was one Mars. He probably picked the album cover while stoned. Who I am kidding, everything done by Willie Nelson was done while he was stoned. Shit, if I could do that, damn right, I would. But all of us can’t be Willie Nelson. I think. What was I talking about?

Right, the record. So, I’m flipping through the singles and come across Men At Work. I knew I like the song and I distinctly remember the price tag reading $3.30. Right in my wheelhouse. So I walk up to the register and put in on the conveyor belt, and right as it was getting zapped by the mysterious green light that under the glass plate that somehow knew all the prices of everything everywhere, the cashier asked me if I was interested day-old roses that were on sale for a quarter a piece. She listlessly waved her hand toward it in such a way that I still have hope today that she finally found a job that fulfills her. Feeling rich and proud of my very unlike-eight year old purchase, I think I literally said, “Throw it on my tab.” My flirt with the cashier didn’t go as well as did the older gentleman with my mother. She sighed and I was immediately embarrassed, my only wish was to be back in the meat aisle.

I turned, defeated, to find my Mom. She and Mr.-70s-held-over were near the front of the store by the half-priced store-brand cereals that were on the endcap. I sauntered over with the rose hidden behind my back. Mom was tearing what I guess was her phone number on a piece of paper from a pad in her checkbook. This pad, usually used only for to-do lists, now included romantic encounters. As she handed it to this poor-man’s-Chuck-Barris, I pretended to be interested in a box of knock-off fruity pebbles, which I think they were called Fruit Rocks. He swaggered away and i presented my Mom with the rose. She smiled so brightly. I can still feel that kiss she gave me on my forehead.

I don’t know if that guy, who I will now always call Fruit Rocks, ever did get a hold of Mom, but what I do remember is getting home and Mom happily loading up that single on the record player. you see, I was not able to touch the hi-fi for at least another two years. The first time was when I bought my first long-playing record, which Prince’s Purple Rain, but that’s a whole other story.

That night, though, I had Mom play Side A of that 45 over and over. “Down Under” definitely brought the Thunder, which, coincidentially, is now the name of an Australian all-male stripper revue. Mom & I danced and laughed at each other for hours. I never got the drug references in the song, of which there are many, for example, “Lyin’ in a den in Bombay. With a slack jaw, and not much to say”? Really? You do the math.

OPIUM.

Dancing the night away back then with Mom is a great memory. I HATED the B-side of the record, though. I can’t even remember the name of it. It was pure crap. Some song that I have erased from my memory. I detested it so much that I got a steak knife and intentionally scratched “I HATE THIS” into the grooves. I mean, I could do it, right? It was mine. I BOUGHT it. Over the next couple months, I lost interest in the 45 and eventually, lost track of the record.

Fast forward to 2009. My Mom, after a long and truly courageous battle with an illness, passes. Yet, she lived long enough to see her only grandchild born, something she always wanted. My daughter Evangeline, who adored her. Evie looks just like Mom, and is just as funny as she was, just as kind, and is just as beautiful.

It took me a long time to go through Mom’s stuff. It sat for years. In 2015, I began. God forbid anything ever happened to me, my kid wouldn’t know what any of this stuff was. I catalogued things, wrote a bit about each box I would go through, made little quicktime movies. It helped a lot. Tremendously cathartic. One night last summer with Evangeline visiting, I open up a box marked “silverware”. It was in my Mom’s handwriting, which was always beautiful, the way all Mom’s seem to write.

Inside was no cutlery at all, instead, loose odds and ends and on top was something small, flat and wrapped in bubblewrap. I opened it. It was that old Men at Work forty-five, one side still scratched to hell with the price tag reading $3.30 staring me dead in the eye. I had never mentioned it before, in all conversations I ever had with Mom, even as an adult, that this was my first record. But she knew. She protected it. She cared.

I began to weep, softly. Evie, a little alarmed, stopped playing with her toys on the floor, came over and hugged me. She asked me what was wrong. Kinda just like what Mom would do. I told her this very story. She cried a bit as well. Eve was only two when my Mom died. She has fleeting memories. She said that she missed “Meemaw”, what she could recollect of her. She said she was sad because she could not remember her voice. We, regrettably, neglected to take many videos of her and Mom.

After a bit, Eve reached into the box and pulled out a small package. It was a rubber banded manila envelope of cassette tapes. it was marked “Austraila”, again in Virginia Meister’s expert penmanship. These were taped audio letters, sent back and forth, from Mom & Dad to each of their parents in America, while they lived abroad. One side would be of my parents’ adventures in Oz, with the other being the whole family relaying stories of back home.

Evie and I sat the rest of that night and listened to them while flipping through the treasured photo albums. She remembered her grandmother’s voice and for the first time in my life, I heard the voice of my grandfather whom I had never met.

And we played that Men At Work 45. And we danced and we laughed at each other. But we only spun “Down Under”, never that B-Side, because that other song? That was pure crap.