#and the team task with the balls wtf

[femslashspuffy]

Why does series 8 of taskmaster just make me want to cry every episode?

This is the worst and most pathetic series I've ever seen oh my god why are they all doing that

[freckled-words]

Animal Transformation

This took way too long, but that tends to happen when you don't have a really strong idea for the plot. I'm also super rusty, but I think I got my swing back towards the end.

Hope you enjoy the read, and let me know if you spot any spelling mistakes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turns out even frost giants have allergies, and it has the funniest effects on a certain trickster’s shapeshifting control.

Or

Darcy watches as Loki loses control of his shapeshifting magic, and she just can't resist a furry face.

“Community service” was the polite term used to describe Loki’s return to Earth.

“Doing whatever the Hell we say” is the more accurate description, as coined by Director Fury during the initial meeting.

Thanks to a curse/spell from Odin, Loki’s magic and strength was moderated by whichever task Loki was assigned to at the time.

When he was sent out to clean up trash in Central Park (disguised and under Natasha’s supervision) he was as strong as an average citizen.

If he went out with the Avengers to deal with a threat, he was allowed just enough magic and strength as was needed to defend himself.

In-between his assignments, and back in the Tower, he was set to about mid-level Godly might (just in case a Hulk suddenly appeared or an accidental arrow went flying his way.) 

The combination of ‘cursed weakness’ and menial labor, unsurprisingly, lead to a consistently pissy Loki. The closest thing Darcy had seen to a smile on him was the trademark smirk, right before he said something snarky.

Even though Darcy hated Loki’s guts for all the death and destruction he’d brought to New York, she also couldn’t stop herself from adding him onto her ‘Take Care List.’ Much to most everyone’s surprise (Jane had long since accepted that Darcy couldn’t help herself.)

She didn’t go out of her way to kneel and curtsey around him or anything, but she did make sure he got a mug of tea or coffee when she was doing the rounds in the morning. As well as a decent portion of food like the other bottomless pits that had to be fed (with Thor back on Earth, the grocery bills knocked up another couple hundred.)

Anytime Loki bothered to acknowledge Darcy, it was never in a polite fashion, and Darcy made sure to give just as good as she got.

“I see Midgardian cuisine is just as lacking as the people.”

“I see your manners didn’t make the trip from Asgard.”

“If you’re going to offer me food, at least make certain it's cooked.”

“Gee why didn’t I think of that? Oh right, dumpster fires don’t get a say in what they get.”

It became something of a routine for them to exchange barbs at least once or twice a day, and by Loki’s second month in residence, the other members in the Tower stopped bracing for Loki to lash out at Darcy.

Darcy just came to accept this as part of her new normal, and rolled with whatever weirdness that came along with it.

Right up until the weirdness took a detour into ‘omg wtf’ territory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“...Avengers were seen fighting against what was described as a hoard of mutated bi-pedal flowers.”

Anytime the Avengers were called out for a mission Darcy kept the TV on in the background so she could get updates on what kind of mess she might be helping to clean up later. JARVIS was great for giving her updates on everyone’s physical well being, but he couldn’t necessarily predict how the team’s mood was going to be once they got home.(When there was a HYDRA mission, it was home-made pizza night. Apparently slamming around a massive ball of dough was very therapeutic for Bucky.)

The news being a bit slower than actual events, Darcy wasn’t surprised when JARVIS announced the team was returning in the next 10 minutes, along with a cryptic note of, “No major injuries to report, however Dr.Banner does advise no immediate physical contact.”

The last time JARVIS passed on this kind of note, the Avengers had gone up against a T-Rex made of enchanted septic waste (sometimes D&D nerds manage to get their hands on blackmarket magic, and it never ends well for anyone.)

Having (barely) survived Death-By-Foul-Poo-Stank, Darcy figured her nose could handle some overly strong floral perfume coming from the team’s gear. With Jane’s blessing, she was ready and waiting for them in the kitchen 20 minutes later. She’d brought out multiple boxes of kleenex, a handful of neti pots, and every brand of allergy medication in existence.

The first waft of thick flowery perfume drifted in with Steve, and nearly had her choking as her eyes watered, “Cripes Steve, how is this almost worse than the Fecal-Rex?!” Grabbing a handful of kleenex she blew her nose and dabbed at her eyes.

“Just be lucky you’re getting this, and not the full bouquet. There was every kind of flower there, and everyone but me, Bucky, and Bruce nearly dropped from an immediate allergic reaction.” Steve grabbed one of the neti pots and looked over the instruction card that came with it.

Darcy could just imagine Tony having to flip up his face visor to keep from coating it with his sneezes, while Clint cursed trying to zero in on his target with his eyes burning and watering.

“Wait so even Thor -”

What had to be the loudest sneeze in existence went off, followed by the lights flickering erratically throughout the room.

Thor entered a moment later blowing his nose into a wad of paper towels. The skin around his nose and eyes were bright red, evidence that he’d been rubbing at them for a while already.

“I didn’t think anything on Earth would be able to infect your whole Godly-Alien-Race?” She asked while pushing a box of lotioned kleenex towards him. 

Thor accepted the softer tissues and yanked out ten to hold in his hand, ready for the next sneeze, his voice was congested when he answered, “Nor did we. Banner believes their mutated state amplified their pollen’s properties.” He blew his nose again, and Darcy winced at the sound of his tortured sinuses.

“What about Loki? He’s not human or Asgardian, how is he faring?” Thor had explained his brother’s origins to everyone over drinks the night before Loki had been brought to the tower. A couple members of the team concluded that Loki’s destructive behavior must have been a kind of psychotic break, what with his whole life being flipped upside down and dipped in ice water.

Thor and Steve exchanged a look, one that nearly had them both coughing back a round of laughter.

Squinting Darcy pressed, “What happened to Frosty the Snow Giant? It was something good wasn’t it? Give me the deets ~” She crept closer to Thor, wiggling her fingers towards the box of kleenex as though she were going to snatch it back.

Thor grabbed the box and turned away, his smile spreading, “During the fray, Loki was met with the misfortune of having his entire head swallowed by one of the flowers.”

Steve’s smile curled towards ‘I enjoy trouble’ and added on, “Turns out getting a nose of the stuff is worse than just breathing it in.”

“So Loki is…?” She prompted already knowing the answer had to be good.

“Hiding in his room.” Natasha supplied, slipping around Thor to grab a box of lotioned kleenex herself. Unlike Steve and Thor, she’d gone straight to her room to shower and change into clean clothes.

Images of Loki with a purple rash all over his face, or icicle snot hanging out of his nose popped into Darcy’s mind. 

“Well if he’s feeling that rough, then I’m sure he’d appreciate some tissues and allergy meds. I’m just gonna…” Darcy grabbed the extra strength Benadryl, the last box of lotioned Kleenex and one of the Neti pots.

Her arms full she made a beeline for the elevator, and chose to ignore Steve’s question of, “Is she still safe?”

One quick elevator ride, and a hop-skip down the hallway had Darcy standing in front of Loki’s door. 

Since her hands were full, Darcy called out,“Loki, you in and decent? I’ve got a sniffles care package for you.”

“Go away, Serf.” 

Darcy rolled her eyes. ‘Serf’ was Loki’s default nickname when he couldn’t be bothered to think of a better insulting name. 

Even through the door she could hear the rapid fire sneezes that followed, as well as a muffled cough. 

“You can either let me in, and choose what state of dress you’re in, or JARVIS opens the door and I get to see just how much of a rash you have on your ass right now.” It was a shallow bluff at best, but she couldn’t just walk away without trying first.

The annoyed noise that traveled through the door sounded an awful lot like a growl, more so than the usual one she was able to get out of him when she pushed his buttons.

A second later the door opened.

Biting down on her lips to try and not smile too smugly Darcy marched in, “Good choice Frosty. You’ll thank me later when you’re not missing three layers of ski…nnnnyah?” 

With all the apartments in the tower having the same layout Darcy had gone straight for Loki’s small living room to place her bundle on the coffee table. 

She’d glimpsed Loki from the corner of her eye as she’d breezed into the room, and hadn’t spotted any bright red or pink on him. When she straightened and faced him properly, her brain and mouth had a disconnect. 

Loki still stood by the door, which he was still holding open, his battle gear was gone and his hair was damp from his shower. Like Thor the skin around his nose was chaffed from blowing, and his eyes slightly puffy, and for reasons that Darcy’s brain couldn’t fathom there were two black, white tipped fuzzy ears on his head and a twitching, fluffy, black, white tipped fox tail peeking out from his back. 

“Uhhhhhh….” 

“Make your jokes, then leave.” Even congested Loki’s tone was clear in his frustration.

Darcy held her hands up, “Hey there’s no shaming here, just confusion. Last time I checked, allergies didn’t turn people into furries.”

“I am not…” He broke into a fit of sneezes, “Whatever nonsense term that is. I’ve simply…” More sneezing, “Been struggling with my Seidr.”

Darcy hummed and nodded, not really understanding but didn’t think it smart to push him into a more in-depth explanation. His sneezes were so close together and harsh, she was getting worried about the amount of air he was getting into his lungs.

“Regardless, maybe some meds will help. I suggest taking like, 4 of the Benadryl. If it works it’ll knock you on your ass, but it’ll also stop the sneezing and congestion.” She was making her way towards the door as she spoke and stopped just by the opening, “Any chance I can-” She reached towards his twitching tail.

“Leave.”

“I’ll come check on ya in a couple hours!” As badly as Darcy wanted to touch the fluffy tail, she was not ready to die for the attempt.

~~~~ THREE HOURS LATER ~~~~~~~~

Darcy juggled the three tupperware containers of food in one arm while she did her best to knock with the other, “Loki you good? I’ve got food.”

She didn’t hear any approaching footsteps, and was startled when the door was opened.

Darcy barely got clear of the door before Loki shut it. Turning to face him, she just about dropped the food.

“I can’t tell if this means the Benadryl helped or not.” She offered as an opening for him to explain.

Loki still had the ears and tail, but now there was fur around the edges of his face, covering his hands and feet, his nails had blackened into claws, and there were definitely whiskers growing out of his cheeks.

Loki blinked down at her, his nose twitched (was he about to sneeze or was he testing her scent?) and she saw something shift in his mind as his pupils widened then shrank, he blinked and his usual scowl returned to his face, “How did you get in here?”

Darcy cocked her head to the side, “You let me in, just now, and almost hit me with the door. Did fur grow inside your brain too? Do I need to call Bruce?”

Her concern crossed from surface level to genuine as she watched Loki look down at his hands and wiggle his clawed fingers, his expression was hard to read with his eyebrows blending into his new furry hairline but she was certain he was looking confused himself. “Damn.” The word was uttered so quietly Darcy might have missed it if she weren’t standing so close.

“Loki, you’re seriously worrying me dude.” Again his ears twitched in her direction.

“I’m touched.” Darcy took the dry sarcasm as a good sign, “The only thing you should be concerned about is keeping your blithering trap shut. It was bad enough when it was just the ears and tail. If The Oaf hears of this, there will be no end to his ridicule.”

The more Loki said, the more Darcy relaxed. It was a sad reflection on her life when she was happy to have the mass murdering alien give her a hard time.

Opting to ignore his bluff (she’d long since realized that he could bark all he wanted, if he ever hurt her he’d immediately be kicked back to Asgard) Darcy went to his kitchen and put down the tupperware containers, “Don’t worry your fuzzy little head, I won’t tell anyone…” Faster than Loki could anticipate, she whipped up her phone and snapped a picture, “I will show everyone though, unless you let me touch your ears or tail.” She shoved her phone down the front of her shirt and between her boobs, uncaring of the extra cleavage she was flashing him in the process.

Loki’s upper lip drew back revealing some rather pointy canines, “Impudent wench.”

Darcy smirked as she rocked on her heels, “Oh come on Fuzz Butt, you can’t tell me no one’s ever wanted to see what your transformed fur feels like.”

“None have ever been so brazen or foolish to try.” Loki bit back. He was becoming so agitated his tail was swishing, and his ears had flattened on his head.

‘Dammit, now he’s just looking cute.’ 

He was also looking a little unsteady. With each swish of his tail, Loki wobbled the slightest bit, and his eyelids seemed to be struggling to stay open.

“How many of those Benadryl did you end up taking?” She hadn’t heard him sneeze once since she came in, and the skin around his nose and eyes had returned to normal.

“The four you recommended had no effect, so I added another five. The sneezing stopped just before…” Loki caught himself before he could finish outing himself. Shaking his head he staggered off towards the couch, “Leave Serf. I require rest.”

She really, really wanted to push her luck and remind him about the whole Fuzzy Picture threat, but it wasn’t as much fun if the other member of the party was spiraling towards a crash. Cause damn, NINE?! If one Benadryl was enough to turn a regular human into a zombie, then nine must be bordering on a coma.

“Fine, but don’t think this isn’t over. I’ll come back in an hour and make sure you’re still breathing.” 

She saw a feeble, black fuzzy hand lift up to acknowledge he’d heard her.

Darcy left but made sure to leave the door unlocked. Quietly she called out, “JARVIS keep an eye on his vitals and let Bruce or Thor know if his heart stops or something.”

“Of course Ms.Lewis…Shall I let you know when it’s been an hour?” 

Unsurprised that JARVIS had been listening in on the conversation in Loki’s room, Darcy gave a thumbs up to the nearest camera she could see, “That’d be great J.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 45 MINS LATER ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ms.Lewis, I thought I should inform you that there has been a change in Prince Loki’s condition.” Darcy tried not to cringe too much from having JARVIS say this directly into her bluetooth headphones (a welcoming gift from Tony.)

Glancing over to where she could see Bruce working at his station she figured this wasn’t a life threatening change to Loki’s condition. Not many realized just how much intelligence Tony’s AI had, but Darcy was no fool. She grew up worshiping the internet, and treating ‘The Matrix’ and ‘The Terminator’ like prophecies. 

If JARVIS thought this was something only she needed to know about then she’d take it as the gift that it was.

A quick elevator ride later and she was back at his door.

She knocked lightly and let herself in, “Loki? JARVIS says you might need help.”

There came a slight whimper (or was that a whine?) from the living room.

This late in the afternoon the sunlight had moved away from Loki’s windows, and none of the lights had been turned on. Everything was cast in shadows and patches of darkness, making it hard to see anything.

“Loki?” 

Darcy hit the switch for the kitchen light so she didn’t accidentally blind/enrage the half-transformed frost giant.

Able to see Darcy watched as what she had initially thought to be a deep pocket of shadows uncurled from the bottom of the coffee table. 

A black fox the size of a St.Bernard stretched out like a cat as unfocused green eyes blinked in her direction.

“Oh my Gods.” 

She wanted to take all the pictures, but she also wanted to try touching him. When he was still humanoid the fur had looked silky, as a full fox it looked absolutely luxurious and Darcy just had to get her fingers into it.

She had never interacted with foxes before though, and didn’t know how unhinged Loki’s brain was going to be with all that Benadryl in his system.

Finished stretching he ventured a couple steps closer, his nose to the air to scent the new presence in his home. Some of Loki’s consciousness must have been working, cause the fox’ ears went down and it spun around to hop onto the couch.

‘I’ve just been brushed off by a fox.’ Loki could brush her off a million times and she wouldn’t bat an eye, but Fox-Loki showing her such little interest just felt like a bitch slap.

“Rude.” 

Going over to the couch she watched as Loki laid down with his head resting between his two front paws. His eyes closed and a rather un-fox like sigh came out through his nose. 

Darcy crouched down to eye level and told him, “You know you make a very pretty fox.” Other than his ear twitching Loki didn’t acknowledge her.

“May I please pet you, your Foxiness?” Murderous Asshole or not, Darcy wasn’t going to touch without consent. 

His eye cracked open, regarding her for a moment then closed and another long sigh was released. Darcy took it as one of resignation and beamed. Finally she could get this out of her system!

As gently as she could she placed her hand on his head; he didn’t move away or twist around to snap at her, confirming that he had given in. 

She stroked down along his spine, marveling at the feel of his thick, silky fur. Bringing her hand back to his head she lightly scratched around the base of his ears, the fur there was much softer and she had to bite her lip to keep from gushing out more praises to him. 

Her petting was kept strictly to his back and the top of his head, areas that most animals considered to be safe zones. As much as she wanted to touch his tail she didn’t know how sensitive it was and didn’t want to push it. 

Darcy cut herself off after about five minutes, plus her legs were screaming in protest from holding that crouched position so long. 

A woman of her word Darcy dug out her phone and deleted the picture of Loki the Were-Fox. Satisfied she whispered to Loki, “There now no one but me and JARVIS knows what a half fox, half Frost Giant looks like. I also won’t tell anyone that you totally lost control due to overdosing on allergy medicine. You’ll be back to your entitled asshole self by tomorrow morning.”

This got her a small indignant huff. 

Darcy let herself out and made sure the door locked behind her. 

It was only after the door’s lock had clicked that Loki released his animal shape. It took a bit slower than usual, but he wasn’t quite back in focus just yet. 

Back in his usual form he resettled on the couch. With not a single piece of clothing on his body, the material didn’t feel quite as comfortable as it had in his fox shape. 

The Midgardian medicine had thrown his control off balance, just not as much as he’d let Lewis believe. He could have reverted back to his proper state a half hour ago, and gone back to his bed for a proper rest. 

Instead he couldn’t resist seeing what the woman would do when faced with the full transformation. He’d been somewhat hoping she would startle or scream and flee, calling for Thor’s protection. Instead she’d looked at him like he was the most beautiful animal in existence. It was a delicious boost to his ego.

Loki chuckled to himself, picturing her face when she might learn that her ‘petting’ along his fur had translated to the feeling of a lover’s touch on his skin. 

There would be sputtering, possibly some shrieking and all the threats and profanities. 

The image was so entertaining he drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face. 

[deeptrashwitch]

WIIIIIIIIIIITCH! BESTIIIIEEEE!

Question and you can give your BEST HONEST opinions!

Specters vs Warriors Task Force! Volleyball Game! Winner takes ALL!

Just letting you know that Tiala and Kanoa grew up in a family FULL of athletics members! So you can say they play different sports with them! Even for their other team members! So imagined this Task Force giving their ALL!

Who would win? It can be a tie if you really think about it! Imagining the INTENTIONS between these two team!

And also, another question. Which of the Specters Team get their faces hit by the ball all the time and who's the expert at playing volleyball?

BESTIEEEEEEEEEE :D

Ohhh, a volleyball match? Oof, I think the WTF would win. Maybe not for so much, but they would win.

And I know that match would ignite Alicia's competitive existance, so she'd do her best as well. She isn't the best at it, but she at least can have a good time and try to compete with Kanoa and Tiala.

Who would get hit by the ball in the face? Luke. Absolutely sure it's Luke.

That's because maybe Edward got smacked by the ball and Luke laughed, then as divine justice, the ball hit him in the face and left him in the floor. (They had to stop the match because Jackson and Alicia were wheezing while Luke just stared at the sky.)

But it would be Jackson, Noah and Francis the ones carrying the team on the match. They're the best for volleyball since they used to play with their old teammates anytime they were abroad on the bases.

[impishtubist]

the hedric anon here again :) to your previous post, YEAH, we're balling. new canon has arisen!!! you are so right about harry not becoming an auror!! all he wants is a loving family; he's already lost enough chasing dark wizards, and he would not sacrifice any time he could be spending with them... he also has The Money, you know. a shit load of it... and i can imagine him just casually buying the newest broom on the market on a whim even if cedric's team's regulations forbid using a personal broom (unfair advantage all that) because harry would so obviously overcompensate for the negligence he had to survive through as a child and spoil his beloved rotten.

and YES, cedric being a bit oblivious, but still a voice of reason would do the whole golden trio much good during their 5th year (funny thing, for the longest time i thought cedric was a 7th year in GoF, so i was kinda shooketh with all the fics where he returns to hogwarts the next year). imagine him getting to know sirius (harry has talked so much about him that sirius already loves the boy) and maybe introducing a few diggory family traditions to sirius and harry, because they had no time yet to form their own. and his dad's face when he's introduced to harry's godparents??? an ex-convict and a werewolf, who somehow work wonders as parental figures. mwah.

Not me learning through this ask that Cedric was only a sixth-year when he put his name in the goblet 😂 Now I am also shook. But omg yes that would make so much sense for my OOTP AU! Harry is in fifth year and Cedric is in seventh and he's like "wtf Harry just use the damn mirror that Sirius gave you! I love you so much but you are so dumb."

And YEAH Harry going to the cave to visit Sirius, but instead of talking about important things like Karkaroff and Voldy and the tournament, he just can't stop talking about this cute sixth-year, and Sirius catches a glimpse of Cedric during one of the tasks and is like "ah, I see it now." He figures Harry could do worse than date a sweet Hufflepuff who is also a Triwizard champion.

(Also lmao the mental image of Harry taking Cedric to meet the parents, but he takes him to a cave with an escaped convict and a hippogriff.)

And yes, once Sirius gets his freedom, there are lots of formal dinners and meeting the Diggorys. And yes!!!! Harry using his money to spoil Cedric!!! Cedric has plenty of his own, but it brings Harry so much joy that he can't say no.

(I also can't help but give everyone babies, so I will say that the Potter-Diggory babies are spoiled rotten by both their dads AND the grandparents. Sirius is especially bad about it, and Cedric has to build a second shed out back for all the toys Sirius keeps buying the kids lmao.)

[ramble-bloo]

Bitterbat and Sweetheart getting got by some villainous contraption that reverts them into babies so their respective teams have to take care of them until they can revert them back.

The Beloveds have the easiest time because Sweetpea is just a normal little baby and Honey has enough experience to guide Baby and Dear through caretaking.

But the Flavor Four are having a TIME because Monstrum babies are little balls of chaos. But Babybat being an Alpha Monstrum, a cocktail of creatures, and not having his limiters anymore?

It gets so bad that the Beloveds have to be back-up to their Monstrum partners because Babybat could possibly level a solid portion of the city during a tantrum and tends to vomit acid.

And with the Little Licorice technically not knowing each other and the Soul Suits gone since young Monstrums don't have them, there really is no secret weapon against Babybat to calm him down like usual.

The best they do is have is keeping them both in the same play pen while they plot what to do next because then Babybat views Sweetpea as a baby buddy and he rolls circles around her because he likes how she laughs...

But then comes the problem of splitting them apart because Sweetpea of course is gonna throw a small fit and whine...which the crew learn very quickly is a sound Babybat doesn't like. Nor is he a fan of his buddy getting taken away from him.

So in the midst of the gang trying to nerf him, they run into the issue of creating a trigger. On the bright side, he is less likely to roll off somewhere they can't find him and he just crawls or flutters behind whoever has Sweetpea.

Of course, he is a baby and unlike his adult self, he can't laser focus on his other half and he tends to get distracted with food and toys.

But if Sweetpea coos or cries or makes any type of noise, he almost immediately comes over.

And Sweetpea winds up relating Babybat to a plush of sorts because he looks a lot like one. Which means, just like if you take a teddy from a child, Sweetpea is gonna get upset.

And it becomes a cycle of calming both down.

The Flavor Four and the Beloveds learn to juggle and handle their team leaders the best they can with Halite being a life saver with his lullabies but of course, you can't keep babies fed off songs forever.

Eventually a cure on how to revert the Little Licorice back is discovered and it's almost immediately put to use because Lord knows when the next Babybat tantrum is gonna hit.

It's a success and the gang can finally rest after the hell of raising an Alpha Monstrum. Sweetheart was a piece of cake in comparison but only because Bitterbat was extreme mode to an already hard task.

Bitterbat and Sweetheart also have no memory of when they were infants so they just see their worn out teams with bags under their eyes, even Sourpuss's, and wonder wtf they missed.

[thecleverqueer]

Random thoughts during The Mandalorian S3:E1 “The Apostate”

*******WARNING: SPOILERS*******

Last chance. Turn back now. No? You good!? You okay!? You sure!? Okay, then let’s get into this:

*Bo-Katan was right. They are absolutely a cult.

*Holy shit! TF with the giant ass crock in the river?!

*Um. If a massive reptile like that surfaced while I was in the middle of my weird cult baptism, I’d consider that a sign from whatever god or ancestors I worshipped that this shit just isn’t for me.

*Din coming in clutch for his cult.

*Crock guts all over the beach! Yes!

*So… Din and the Armorer are having EXACTLY THE SAME conversation that they had in The Book of Boba Fett… again. Because, oops! We did two whole ass episodes of the Mandalorian (which ironically had no Boba Fett despite him being the titular character) because we felt like the name “Boba Fett” couldn’t hold its own weight in fandom, and now folks are going to be lost and confused. Good work!

*Hmm… space whales… Wasn’t I JUST TALKING ABOUT SPACE WHALES!?!

*Is Din asleep at the wheel? He looks like he’s asleep at the wheel. Is it okay to sleep through hyperspace? Come on, Din.

*Wow. Nevarro has been glammed up!

*We have a tree full of Salacious Crumbs….

*Ooo! We have a street band!?! Holy shit! It’s like Mediterranean Europe!

*Greef Karga is dressed to the nines, and he has TWO droids pulling his train. Jeeze, bruh! Class. Nice touch. Carl killing it!

*Greef: I thought you had completely your mission, but you’re still running around here with the same critter.

Din: It’s complicated.*

TRANSLATION: I met a “Jedi” named Ahsoka Tano that freaked out because Grogu had formed an attachment to me, and she refused to have anything to do with his training. She sent me on a wild goose chase across the galaxy to a mountain top in the middle of nowhere so that Grogu may reach out to other Jedi that may take on the task that she was unwilling to do. The kid was kidnapped by the remnants of the Empire, so I amassed a rag-tag team of bad ass lesbians plus Boba Fett to help me rescue him. It nearly went bad, but another Jedi named Luke Skywalker came, rescued us and took Grogu to some unknown forest planet. I went to see Grogu on that planet with Luke, and damn it if Ahsoka Tano wasn’t there… convincing Luke that training Grogu was a bad idea, so Grogu came back to me. Now here we are.

Yeah. That is complicated….. good job making that shit simple.

*Is that a bowl of strawberry Skittles on Greef Karga’s desk? Those look like Skittles. Skittles are now canon. Space whales and skittles… but no gays (scratch that: Gilroy gave us two gays because he’s got balls).

*Wild theory, but hear me out: Greef arguing with these pirates at the doorstep of the school are currently harboring the kids that are going to show up in “The Skeleton Crew”. Jude Law is in there right now lecturing them about something mildly relevant, but he’s not going to be revealed here. The pirates are going to chase Law and the kids out of town because of this interaction right here, and they’re going to get lost when they veer off the trade route somehow (probably via those stinking purrgil). This is the Mandalorian tie-in. Wait for it.

*Oop! Cara Dune mentioned. RIP… your actress was an idiot.

*He, uh, slick passed Grogu like a basket ball just now. WTF? That’s a baby!

*Ahhhh!!!!!

The Babu Frik species!!!!

HEY HEYYYYY!!!!

*Din (when Grogu starts grabbing at the Babu Frik dude): He’s young.

Bitch, he’s like, 50. WTF!?! He should absolutely know better than to snatch up another sentient being like that. Train your child better, my man!

*Oh Din, don’t teach Grogu to fly. He still poops his pants. This is the real reason Ahsoka noped out of his training. Grogu is still in pampers, and Ahsoka is a 45-year-old auntie that just wants stir unnecessary shit in the galaxy after sleeping for 8 hours a night.

*Woo!!! Space battle!!!!

*Din: (during said space battle) SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!

Grogu: *chuckling*

*WTF was that fern pirate guy even!?! Oh my god. He was totally a house fern; a walking, talking, sentient, humanoid house fern. That was your inspiration!?

*Holy Shit!! Bo’s ancestral castle! Yum! It’s got concrete walls, House Kryze banners, an ocean view, greenery, fancy statues and a throne. Yes, Bo! Yes!

*Oh no… Bo is brooding on her throne.

*Hmm. Oddly, she doesn’t have her throne blanket in this scene… which absolutely leads me to believe that she becomes so insufferable later in this season that her wife (I can’t tell you if it’s Koska or Ahsoka, but it’s one of them) kicks her out of the bedroom.

*Good to see that despite what appears to be a pretty nasty depressive episode Bo-Katan is in the midst of, she still a seething bitch. That’s my girl!

*I feel like not giving Bo-Katan some sort of comfort animal for her to stroke while she sat sodding on her throne was a missed opportunity (maybe one of those weird dog creatures that were eating the Mantell mix on Shili in TOTJ would have been cool). Opportunity missed, man.

*Mmm… her hatred… I feel her disdain for Din. Damn. She’s tempering her more violent tendencies though, so this gives me hope that she will indeed survive this season.

*Someone call Ahsoka…. Ahsoka has this way of making brains release serotonin and oxytocin with her presence. Have her fix Bo-Katan!

Final thoughts:

Hmm. Visually, it was beautifully done. Nice sound track. Clearly talented director. The writing was kind of hokey (which, I blame Andor for the fact that I even noticed… as Star Wars was always hokey until Tony Gilroy showed up), but it wasn’t absolutely terrible. I love Pedro Pascal. That goes without saying. Katee Sackhoff did a great job delivering Bo, but she’s done it for so long, I feel like she IS Bo. Still worried for my girl, but not nearly as much as before. Not a bad episode. I’m for it. Good. Good.

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Harry Potter: Magic Awakened (Part 2)

so im playing the game for a second time!! after several days of leaving it untouched in my phone after its release lmaooo

so starting off the second(??) day at hogwarts with the aguamenti charm in the greenhouse

but i have one (1) question

why the fuck is Neville Longbottom here?? like,, im not sure what the timeline of the game is but it definitely takes place after the story of harry potter so hello?? Neville why r u here?? did u get held back or smth lmaooo

now onto actually doing the charm

OH WAIT I DIDNT READ THE OBJECTIVE PROPERLY

Neville's a professor!! he's the herbology professor okok that makes sense

lets go another successful battle!! and learned a new spell very cool

also became friends w the bowtruckle, cute!!

why r we gonna talk to the headmistress

oooh dance club

mcgonagall made the dance club?? oh cuz of the yule ball thats cool

i like the game's graphics but its really funny how the character's faces arent moving or changing and u can only get their emotion from their exaggerated body language and gestures

also the npcs faces have like,, a different texture to them lmao?? like it feels more 2d than my character's face

OOHHH I GET TO PICK WHO I CAN DANCE WITH

should i dance with mean girl cassandra or reserved but nice daniel

ok im gonna dance w daniel why is he just staring at the wall

YOOO THERES RHYTHM GAME

that was the easiest rhythm game ive ever played but it was only 1 star difficulty so

oooh there's a map!! (why did i just discover the map only now ??)

oh yeah ivy is missing ahh now's the start of a wild adventure

Objective: Look for Ivy and then there's like an arrow pointing in a direction LMAOAOOA guess looking for her wont be too hard

oh no wait it was just pointing to the door oopsies

ooohh so my chr isnt the only one looking for ivy nice its just the other supporting characters\

time to go on a search!! in one of the classrooms but i doubt ivy would be here

EWWW SPIDERS nice succesfully killed them all

the battles in the game are fun

is that peeves??? now we're fighting him

VICTORY!! i like my character's lil dance when u win a battle its cute

oh hi daniel

oh shoot its filch

no we're in a classroom

its the monster book

oooh ive got a character card for robyn cool is it permanent??

oh no we've lost her and kevin wtf where did they go

oh its that room!!! the uhhh i forgot what it was called but the room that shows up when u need it

IVY?????!??!?!?!??!

mysterious trunk SOMEONE IS INSIDE OF IT WTF

social club?? lol i just picked auto join

LOL its just so funny to see ppl talk in non-cutscenes

like there's my chr blinking and lip-syncing meanwhile the NPCs just have a blank expression, unblinking eyes and talking without their mouths moving

ok but like i know the main story quest in which we find ivy has been completede already but like,, what happened to robyn and kevin that night? and what was the teachers' reactions when ivy showed up again??

wait arent they first year? and didnt the year just start? why is robyn on the quidditch team??? first years arent allowed on the quidditch teams right??? wasnt it a whole thing that harry was on the quidditch team in first year??!??!?!?

well anyways now we're going to hagrid's hut

ah there's gnomes

ooohhh the bludger thing is cool!! i like it very fun

now doing some daily tasks

oooh i got daniel's companion card!! nice also got a buncha new cards from the gacha part of the game

LOL THE HOWLER CARD HAS THE MESSAGE THAT RON'S MOM SENT WHEN HE STOLE THE CAR LMAOAOOA

lol went to the duelling club and duelled the same person twice lmaoo

now im at the dance club and im gonna dance with lottie i picked the flamenco cuz i already did the waltz but its so funny how my chr and lottie was dancing the flamenco while the other students were doing the waltz LMAOAOOA

the rhythm game is fun i like it

ok i think thats enough for today, will play again tomorrow

[hajimeiwaswife]

WHAT A SIMP | CHAPTER 2: OH NO - OH YES

[WAS MASTERLIST]

[PREVIOUS] [NEXT]

Playlist

The Valhalla students approached the gates of the rival university. They could already have a glimpse of a group of six men leaning on the brick wall, trying to look cooler than they actually looked like.

Emma started searching for her boyfriend, not a difficult task due to the man’s height. She ran to him, giggling happily and causing more than one head to turn to her direction. Draken, her boyfriend, just gave a general stare that could have frozen the hottest volcano in the world before looking at Emma with fondness, taking her in his embrace.

“Hello, Draken!” greeted the girl excitedly, earning a chuckle from the man.

“Hi, Emma.”

Another couple reunited, this time, Takemichi and Hina. The two groups just stood awkwardly looking at the affection display that the second couple was showing. Yuzuha rolled her eyes and looked at Y/n, who seemed like she was going to puke at any moment.

“Don’t eat in front of the poor!” Shouted Baji, earning the laugh of his friends.

“Men are stupid.” Murmured Yuzuha.

“Yes, we are.” Answered Hakkai, shaking his head in disappointment of his own gender.

While all the attention was focused on the couples, Kazutora approached Mikey in a a stealth way. Not enough, apparently, because the blond man heard him and turned around to face his rival.

Y/N was teasing Hina when she heard it: punches. Next thing she new, a small man was kicking the life out of her friend, his foot on Kazutora's jaw, the sound of broken sorrounding the space between the two groups of friends.

No one was reacting except for one of the girls, who ran towards the fight and punched the two males on their noses.

"WTF!" screamed Kazutora; Mikey, on his part, only groaned in pain.

"You're adults. You're two fucking adults that study at fucking University. Have some fucking decency on your already damaged brains!" exclaimed Y/N, still separating them and with nose blood on her knuckles.

Mikey swore he had seen a Goddess. A beautiful woman, with fearless eyes, glowing skin under the sun and a wild nature that could make any man fall at her knees. He couldn't stop staring at her while she insulted them.

"You!" she pointed Kazutora, who gulped in fear. "You already wanted to fight even before we came. What are you? A fucking barbarian? Has your last bitch sucked your braincells instead of your small dick?"

Kazutora was gawking, he knew she could be scary when angry, but he had never seen that side of her.

"And you!" she now directed her attention to Mikey, who had dreaming eyes setted on her face. "Kicking jaws! Who do you think you are? Karate Kid? You have hair in your balls for fucks sake! Grow up!"

Hina and Hakkai had to drag Y/N out of there before she smacked both men again. The twop groups had fallen silent at the interaction, processing what had just happen. It wasn't until Emma spoke that they reacted.

"Umm, we should get going." she said, taking her boyfriend's hand and starting to walk.

"Yeah, bye." Hina and Takemichi also disappeared from the scene, dragging with them to the rest of the Valhalla team.

"What has just happened." murured Chifuyu, bewildered.

"That a Goddess has decided to appear in fron of us, she's blessed us." claimed Mikey, smiling like an idiot at the departing figure of Y/N.

"What the hell?" Baji looked at his friend with wide eyes.

Draken brought his hand to Mikey's forehead, furrowing his brows "He doesn't have a fever."

"It's love at first sight!" exclaimed Chifuyu, taking out one of the mangas he was reading at that moment. "Like in this one! The main characters sees his love interests for the first time in his life and falls for them!"

The Toman Team knew in that moment, they were fucked up.

FUN FACTS

Mikey wasn’t religious until he saw Y/N.

Chifuyu is a hopeless romantic.

Baji feels like Timon and Pumba when Simba got a girlfriend.

Tag list: @mizumellon @wakasagurl @sseorin @sleepysomii @chaoticyuna

[trueshellz]

@regs09

I hope this is okay! I tried to show her as helpful as possible but a little sparky too. They're not all the same length but I tried to use different scenarios too.

Kuroo

The first time he saw you, you were surrounded by 2nd years pestering you for your phone number and he truly felt sorry for those guys. You couldn’t have had a bigger ‘fuck off’ face even if you tried. As he walked over, he was getting ready to set them straight when he overheard you.

“If you don’t get away from me in the next 10 seconds, I will rearrange your face.”

He’d never seen boys run away apologising so fast in his life, his signature laugh being heard by everyone, even Kenma gave him a WTF look as they walked together down the corridor.

“Oya? You seemed to have put them right in their place.”

Still annoyed at the situation, you whirled around and glared at him, hands placed on your hips. You knew Kuroo Tetsuro, everyone knew Kuroo Tetsuro. Third year, Nekoma volleyball captain, signature smile and absolute flirt.

“You wanna go as well, pretty boy?” You huffed as he held his hands up in mock surrender, grin wide across his face.

“Woah there, sparky. I was coming over to help you.”

Hiking your bag up your shoulder, you purposely walked between him and Kenma. “I didn’t need your help.”

The second time he saw you, he was grabbing a book from the library and he saw you sat with one of the 1st year girls. Exam week was around the corner so the library was busier than usual, he could see some of his teammates in the back too, knowing full well if they failed exams they could be pulled from the upcoming games.

He could see the girl was stressed out from the way she was flailing her arms, her face red as she pointed at her books. He saw you smile as you leaned over, pointing to something before taking out a mini whiteboard and pen from you bag. You giggled as she held her arms up in the air, she must have got the answer right. He was momentarily stunned by your change in demeanor and he could feel himself smile as you clapped for your student.

When you were dating, Kuroo was more than aware of how people perceived you. He had the same issue to some extent, being perceived as a harsh captain with a scheming personality meant some students were often scared to approach him. But when you were alone, you would often curl up to him on the sofa and often acted cute in front of him especially when he came home after a game to help cheer him up. Packing bento boxes for his lunches with cute cut out fruit and animal shaped onigiri and leaving cute notes in his bags and books.

You would always come near the end of Nekoma practice matches with drinks or healthy snacks for his team, who loved you for this reason. Yamamoto more so than the rest, a huge flirt who tried to hug attack you every time only to get yelled at by your boyfriend and given clean up duties as punishment.

"Tetsu, he just wants a hug."

He mock pouted as he looked at you, his lip stuck out almost comically. "Those hugs are mine, he can't have any."

The manager and you got along well too, you would help them by sweeping up after the boys or tidying away the equipment. A few times you helped Lev out when he tore his uniform falling over or tripping on his long legs as he got used to playing volleyball. He would feel so bad too, looking at you like a lost puppy as you sewed up his hem or patched a hole he had in his shorts or t shirt. The one time he managed to rip the stitching of his t shirt up to his arm pit when he skidded across the floor trying to save the ball. Needless to say, it didn't end well and you were glad you had taken to carrying a sewing kit with you when you went to watch them practice.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine, Lev. Don't worry about it."

Kuroo knew the saying: Don't judge a book by it's cover, but he didn't realise how true it was until he met you. He could have missed out on one of the best people in his life.

Bokuto

Bokuto was known for having a cheery outlook on life, yes he had his emo moments but it took a lot to get him down generally. But you always baffled him, whenever he saw you it seemed as though you were angry or annoyed. In class, no matter the task or who you worked with, you looked fed up. After school when you were walking home, you seemed frustrated. At lunchtime, you sat with friends but you seemed like you'd had enough. You were a conundrum to him.

After school one day, he was walking towards the local shop to grab some snacks and he saw you crouching on the ground, your face was a mixture of awe and sadness as you looked at a box on the ground. As he neared you, he could hear small whines and the scratching against the box and when he peered over your shoulder he could see some puppies in the box.

"Someone left them here alone?"

You jumped as you heard his voice, looking up to see him standing over you, he had his bag slung on his shoulder and was still dressed in his volleyball gear. You'd seen him around school, he sat on the opposite side of the classroom to you so you never worked together. You knew he was the captain of the school's volleyball team but didn't know much else about him.

"Yeah, it's so cruel. They're only babies too."

And that was how you two became started friends and eventually dating, bonding over your love for animals and disdain for the situation. He accompanied you to the local animal shelter where you dropped the puppies off, not being able to take them home. He was enthralled by your change in demeanor, you would always smile at him and act a lot more animated. You would help Akaashi get him out of his funk when he had a bad day or one of his moves didn't go to plan. He had taken to buying you the famous octopus plushie too and would use it to gauge your mood, you found it hilarious. If you were sad or angry, he would come bearing snacks or gifts and if you were happy, he knew he was able to hug attack you and smother you in kisses.

Attending every game, you would always dress in his team number and cheer the loudest for him. After school, you would help him unwind, either spending time giving him a massage or just cuddling on the sofa together. You would lay on him, arms and legs intertwined as you watched television or playing with hair as his head was in your lap. Even going as far to sometimes climb into the front of his hoodie so you would be skin to skin with him. You loved the feel of his heartbeat against your ears and his breathing would calm you. You spent more time in his lap, head buried in his neck than sat alone as you lived feeling his body heat against you. Thankfully, Koutaro didn't mind, he loved the attention and having you close to him.

Who knew such a angry little bean would become such a cute little sloth?

Osamu

Every weekend like clockwork at lunchtime, you would walk in and order 2 meals. One to eat at the time and one to pick up at the end of your meal and take away. You always sat in the corner by yourself, flicking through your phone. You weren't rude or anything, but you had an aura of 'leave me alone' or else which usually kept people away from you. As Osamu watched, he couldn't help but wonder about you and your background.

He tried talking to you first, but apart from polite conversation you didn't seem to want to talk to him. He tried broaching lots of subjects but you just gave minimal answers. He was quite frustrated to say the least, Atsumu didn't help with his idea either. They just seemed to be annoying or potentially harassing, neither a great choice.

It was the end of the day when he was packing away, you had just left the restaurant and Osamu was packing all the left over food in boxes to give to the homeless people around the restaurant. He didn't like wasting food, not being one to be ungrateful and decided early on to donate it to those who were less fortunate. Carrying the snack packs, he started his usual journey down the roads and handing his packages out to anyone who was in need.

As he rounded the corner, he saw you leaning down speaking to an elderly lady who had a small child. She looked tired, her cheeks red from exhaustion and cold, the child looking equally cold in this weather too. They had been selling fruit from what he could see and he stared in fascination as you not only bought their remaining stock but gave them the second meal you bought that day.

"No, no. You always do this. It's not fair, we'll exchange. You give me food for my fruit."

"Auntie, no. You know very well that I don't expect payment for this. Its a gift. Take the food, go home and eat. Use the money for your daughter."

Nearing to you, he bowed quickly before leaning down and handing the child some onigiri. She smiled up at him, all toothy and he felt his heart warm up seeing her munch away at the rice ball. Looking at you, he could see the broad smile on your face as you bantered with the woman, seeing you like this was such a contrast to your usual stoic attitude.

This routine continued for a few weeks, eventually you would help Osamu out with his packing. Carrying some of the lighter packages to hand out to everyone, your conversation becoming more and more in depth the more you spoke to one another. You had more in common than you thought, including your selflessness you both had similar taste in music and movies.

One thing led to another and soon you found yourself dating, Osamu didn't realise how cute you were in real life until you moved in together. He remembered how shocked he was when you bought matching Pikachu onesies to wear and would take lots of selfies with him. His phone was full of cute pictures that he got during the day with little messages and lovey dovey quotes. The apartment was full of couple things like matching slippers and the progression of your relationship through little mementos strewn across the wall.

You would spend any spare time you had at his shop helping him, or trying to as you seemed to get distracted by how pretty your boyfriend was. Or you would come behind him and attach yourself in a backhug, Osamu wouldn't be able to get much done with a limpet attached so you compromised on a only doing that when he had a break.

What started as a fascination ended up being one of the biggest surprises of his life and he couldn't imagine his life without you in it.

[whydoiwrite]

I keep seeing different things but I know you’ll tell it as it is- how do you think Lindsey and Sonny played today? Is Lindsey actually too physical and useless? Did Sonnett actually hurt her chances of making the Olympics?

Ok. For the 50 of you who asked about Sonnett, 1 who asked about Lynn, 1 who asked about Soph, and 2 who asked about Lindsey, here are my rambling thoughts because I haven’t slept much and while I might could try to actually write something decent, I’m not getting paid to be coherent right now so I’m not going to bother.

Wait, first, all y’all asking about Sonnett can’t be Sonnett fans based on how much hate I get for the standing, so I’m really glad she’s in your hearts and minds all the time. It makes me happy.

Anyway... things I thought while watching the game that are not just about Sonnett, so feel free to skip ahead:

wtf why are the cameras panning to fans without masks singing national anthems? Like, seriously, keep the fucking cameras off the crowd because it normalizes not wearing masks. Fucking Florida is an anti-maskers wet dream (thanks wet dream anon) btw. 

And while we’re on the anthem, they’re standing, but no one’s making them put their hands over their hearts or sing... and yet... so many are. So... yeah, I have thoughts on that that I’m sure you can just figure out on your own. Controversy aside, Sonny tapping her finger to it was cute you can go ahead and direct your hate mail right here, k. But that’s not what you came for, huh?

Stop hating on Lynn. She needs to learn how to dribble at speed. She needs to learn to cut inside - I actually think that’s her biggest problem (the angle she takes to goal) - but this team cannot do what it does without her press. She sucks at finishing, yes, fine, but her defensive presence, both triggering the press and getting all the way tf back is essential. She’s on the roster for Tokyo stop saying she’s not. Her minutes aren’t because of her scoring ability.  They’re sending 1 forward back, and yes, they rotated through Alex and Pressy too, but Lynn was the one most likely to be the one getting back to help. And not because Sonnett was in; because that’s the system the team plays.  Lynn is why Marta was so pinned back. And that’s also why Sonnett was so high so often. From the fucking kickoff on, it was obvious that Sonnett was tasked with marking Marta. Like literally, watch Sonnett, not the ball, on the kickoff, and you’ll see.

Anyway, Sonny had a couple of great crosses in, that no one made runs for. And she wasn’t the only one this happened to. She also had two beautiful pinpoint long balls into Lindsey’s head that should have been goals. I said back when she was in Sweden that her long balls are something else, and lookit. 

Also pay attention to the number of times Brazil is forced to work the ball BACK because they can’t work through Sonnett.  That’s her doing her job even if you don’t see it because she’s not going in for a tackle or intercepting her pass.  You know what else is Sonnett doing her job? Slowing down Brazil to allow Lynn or Lindsey or Rose to get back and set up a double-team sitch. Again, you might see that as Sonnett “needing help,” but it’s literally what she is supposed to do.

Yes, that ball into Lindsey was almost a nightmare, but she was trying to avoid Marta and jumping as she played it.  Lindsey played the ball to her a couple of times and put her in really bad spots too, and no one’s saying Lindsey Horan doesn’t belong on the Tokyo roster, mainly because Brazil doesn’t press with the same intensity as we do so Sonnett had time to recover Lindsey’s mistakes.

Wait, that’s not true, I read someone saying we could still win the gold without all the standers and you know what: EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS ON THAT FIELD GOES THROUGH MOTHERFUCKING LINDSEY HORAN SO NO.

Anyway, back to Sonnett. You know who also put Sonnett in a really bad position right at the end of the game? Pinoe on that weak ball across the middle of the field. WTF was that?  We got so lucky, but no one says anything because it’s Pinoe. Moving on. In the first half, Sonnett was tasked with playing high, so you have to understand that a lot of defensive responsibility then falls on Abby to shift over and cover. But off the ball, Sonnett is where she should be. She knows when to slow things down, when to apply pressure, she’s not diving in. She’s communicating a lot. She’s clearly more confident. She’s making herself an option for outlet passes and to relieve pressure from Rose and Lindsey. She’s fine, y’all.

I think the issue is most people’s experience with this team is the 2019 World Cup. In those games, teams were testing Crystal, coming down our left side because they weren’t going to go at Kelley. That’s shifted now with Kelley’s injuries and Sonnett being... well... not Kelley. And the whole world knows how good Crystal is now. So y’all maybe got used to seeing Lindsey back defending more and think that’s natural, but then when you see Rose or Lynn coming back to defend, you assume it’s because Sonnett isn’t good enough on her own. Teams are going to attack down our right side now, even when Kelley comes back.

And she created some combo plays on give-and-go’s offensively, too. Sure, Sonny and Rose struggled to connect early on, but so did Rose and Pressy. They all figured it out. She’s reading the game, she knows when to carry the ball forward, she beat Marta on the dribble a couple of times. Like wtf are people missing about this? And complaining about her lack of offense when that wasn’t her role against Brazil, and was even less her role in the second half? gtfo

The should-have-been a handball but still amazing Dunn slide tackle was on Abby, not Sonnett. Sonnett was higher up, marking Marta as she should be, and Abby had Debinha. We understand Sonnett isn’t supposed to mark both at the same time, right? Pia has pulled Marta lower than everyone’s used to seeing her, which means Sonnett played higher. At least in the first half. Vlatko pulled her back a little in the second half which was understandable because of the score and because the best combination on the field was the left side of Pressy-Horan-Dunn. Anyway, point is, Abby put Sonnett in bad positions multiple times, and yet Sonnett still found a way to handle Marta and sometimes Debinha. And I didn’t like count or anything, but it sure felt like Debinha broke Abby more than she did Sonnett. And that run that Debinha made right before the half that almost led to a goal came from Rose’s bad touch. Again, good scoring chance for Brazil, but not on Sonnett.

Her foul on Marta was tactical, and smart af. She might not be, but her soccer IQ is high enough to know to do that. Even Aly Wagner called it a professional foul, so why is anyone complaining about that. Brazil did the same thing several times. It’s smart soccer. And Marta totally took Sonnett out as payback, BECAUSE THAT’S PART OF THE GAME. No one’s hating on Marta.

Yes, she had a blocked pass that turned into a scary moment, but so did Abby, and Crystal missed a tackle. Things happen. Other teams are going to get chances on our goal. That’s why we have Alyssa. Oh, and that time it looked like she was beat and Alyssa had to make that badass save but it didn’t matter because it was offside? Yeah, she looks like she was beat because she was pulling up with the backline to catch Brazil offside. So that’s like... planned... not luck. That’s good defending is what that is.

Rose didn’t have the best game either, but she is an excellent actress.  I especially enjoyed the short corner nonsense with Press.

JJ wasn’t JJ yesterday, but like, she’s still JJ so it’s fine.

I’m really happy with where Alex is at.

Seeing Alyssa strong in the air was great because that’s been her biggest weakness.

Becky is fantastic and should not retire.

I was unimpressed with Pinoe coming on and basically walking. I know she doesn’t trigger the press, but she was completely rested. JJ was frustrated with her. And like I mentioned, she gave Brazil that scoring opportunity towards the end. But no one cares because she scored. Dunn combines so much better with Press than with Pinoe.

Sophia is not ready for the international game, at least defensively. She looked lost quite a bit, like Brazil was playing keep away with her in the middle. And she put Sonnett in a bad spot too. You can tell Sonnett doesn’t trust her and had to shift out of position because of it. She doesn’t even step to the ball, and just lets Brazil cut in front and intercept it. And she takes too many touches in the box. She’s going to need time to adjust.

If people continue complaining about Lindsey going down too easily, I’m going to lose my mind. Watch her. She literally dribbles through people fucking fouling her and stays on her feet when it benefits the team. And when it doesn’t benefit the team, she takes the foul and hits the ground. It’s not a dive. These are legit fouls whether she hits the ground or not. She just has a high enough soccer IQ to know when to stay on her feet because she’s a fucking beast and when to draw a free kick. This is what I mean by her play is nuanced. It’s not just her service or her first touch, which are magical. It’s being a dick and slowing play down (multiple times), it’s drawing fouls and knowing when not to, it’s the different surfaces she uses and the no-look through balls. UNDERAPPRECIATED. 

I’m gonna get called a racist again for this, I’m sure, but the Sonnett hatred after that game is akin to the Midge hype after the Canada game: both way overblown.  Did Sonnett have a stellar game? No. But neither did like half the team. You know who played well?

Crystal

Lindsey

Press

Becky

Alyssa.

In that order. And Alyssa’s only last because she didn’t have a super busy game. But, she provided me with some of my favorite moments of the match outside of Lindsey’s assists. Alyssa Naeher is a rock. Gia bounced off her after that bad ball by Pinoe. Bounced. It was great. Play of the match.

Lastly, we were blessed with hip swivels from Becky, Lindsey, JJ, Sonnett, and Crystal all in one game.

[snowboiwinwin]

NCT Dream (+ Shotaro and Sungchan) as types of Among Us players

this is all based on my friends and I whenever we play Among Us... it is a mess but absolutely hilarious! Hope you enjoy! :)

Mark: the yellow character, uses some type of nickname that no one actually calls him

Is never saying much, but is especially quiet when he is an impostor

Actually a really good impostor

Wins 8/10 times

Very risky killer thoguh, he has BALLS

Always has an alibi somehow

But don‘t sus him please - as soon as he opens his mouth and is put under pressure.... everyone knows its him

“Guuuuuys, I swear. It wasn‘t me! Oh come ooooon. I was in admin! Oh.... you were in admin too? Bro, I didn‘t see you though. Guys, I don‘t wanna sus anyone, but he might be it.... Guys, guys, listen! I was-, hey! Guys! OKAY! I AM THE IMPOSTOR, I ADMIT! JUST KILL ME ALREADY!“

Renjun: most probably the black character, uses a cute nickname and puts cute accessories on his character

yes, yellow (aka Mark) is a great impostor

BUT Renjun is THE best

his character looks so innocent with the cute lil name and the christmas lights

But don‘t let it fool you

ALWAYS has an alibi as well

And even when you sus him - he has the best arguments as to why you should believe he is actually innocent (he never is) and always manages to make someone else look sus, so he‘s off the hook (not that you sus him to begin with)

Usually is the impostor 5 times in a row

Wins 9/10 times

“Can I just say something? Chenle has been really weird this whole game. I think he even closed the doors on me when we were in electrical but he didn‘t dare kill me cause someone was in front of the door... why are you getting so defensive? I just said it was kinda sus, not that I actually think you’re the impostor... your behavior is very off man... bro, I was with Jeno this whole time! yeah, let‘s vote for Chenle, just to be save.“

Jeno: changes his character‘s color all the time but usually it‘s either dark or lime green, uses his last name and puts fancy suits on his character

Literally the best person to play Among Us with

He is so chill and laid back and let‘s you actually talk (some people just outscream each other and I find that annoying)

Also an amazing impostor

He is just so nice and kind, you would never sus him

“Don‘t worry Haechan, I can confirm that you are innocent! I saw him doing tasks, guys. It can‘t be him.“ (well yeah, cause it‘s you Mr. Lee)

Due to this, no one would ever sus him

Kills usually the same people at the same spot (apparently not even on purpose) and that‘s actually why the others sus him

Wins 9.5/10 times

“Okay, only us three left... we really have to think this through. Chenle, why are you trying to proof your innocence so hard when we haven‘t even said anything? Ugh, I don‘t even wanna vote anyone, I really don‘t know who it could be. To the impostor, you did a great job! I‘m honestly shocked by how well played this was. Oh? We voting Chenle? Okay!“

Haechan: the dark blue character, uses a „cool“ made up rap name and suits to look even cooler

He is LOUD

And he has literally no mercy

Do not sus him or else you will lose your hearing

He outscreams everyone

Kills infront of someone else and acts as if the other person (usually Jaemin) has killed Jisung

Literally self-reports but due to Jaemin not being able to get a word in, EVERYONE believes him

But although he is doing quite well most of the time, the others see the pattern in his impostor tactics and stop believing him at one point

Wins 5/10 times

“I SWEAR IT WASN‘T ME!!! IT WAS JAEMIN; I SAW IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES!!! You know what guys, fuck you. You are unbelievebale, you are all gonna lose now! Thanks for nothing.“ *mutes his mic*

Jaemin: he chooses the colors pink or purple, goes by his actual name and uses either a cool cap or flowers for accessoires

He is alwas the one the others sus, just becasue

They don‘t even have reasons but apparently he is always acting hella sus

Which frustrates him, because they only sus him when he is a crewmate, never when he is the actual impostor (which is hilarious)

He is genuinely doing tasks and trying to defend people he deemed innocent but still, he is always the one getting accused of the killing

When he is impostor, he usually doesn’t even kill people cause he is so nervous and afraid hahaha

So the crewmates know, when there isn‘t a single kill after 5 minutes, it is probably Jaemin

But when he is on a killing spree, he is actually quite good - 100% better than Haechan

Wins 7/10 times

“Guys, why would it be me? I was just with Shotaro and Jeno the whole time! I didn‘t kill either of them!!! GUYS I AM NOT THE IMPOSTOR I SWEAR TO GOD!!!! If I would be the impostor you would know cause no one ever dies! Omg, are you for real??? Guys I AM INNOCENT!!! YOU ARE KILLING THE WRONG ONE!!“ *gets voted off while being an innocent crewmate*

Chenle: the white character, uses a weird name and also dresses up in cool suits

Boy is always sus

Probably because he constantly is the impostor

He also kills very fast

The game just started and there‘s already a reported body

So that‘s what makes him sus immediately - he kills 5 seconds into the game

But he is good at talking himself out of it - people still sus him though

He is making stupid mistakes though; “Jisung, let‘s stick together!“ and suddenly Jisung is dead

Usually plays 2-3 rounds as an impostor before people know for sure it‘s him

Wins 6.5/10 times

“Noooo? It isn‘t me wtf? Are you guys drunk? WELL I PERSONALLY THINK IT‘S SUNGCHAN! Every other opinion is INVALID!! I haven‘t seen him this WHOLE game! Shut up Sungchan, that‘s what an impostor would say as well. Yes guys! TRUST ME!!! Bye Sungchannie!“

Jisung: the red character, uses a weird name he came up with that has nothing to do with his actual name, also wears suits cause Chenle wants to match #chenji

He never is impostor

He wants nothing more than to be the impostor once

When he suddenly gets chosen to be the impostor - he gets voted off immediately

But not because he is bad - his impostor teammate is the reason

Imagine; lights go out, his impostor mate kills one person directly infront of the electrical, infront of jisung and runs away... suddenly lights turn on and jisung stands infront of the dead body

People immediately vote him off, no questions asked

Wins 3/10 times

“I know it looks so bad, but I swear it wasn‘t me! Renjun got killed infront of me, I didn‘t even have time to report him yet! Guys, seriously, it was NOT me!!!“ but due to Chenle (most probably the other impostor) throwing accusations at him, he doesn‘t even get to say much

Shotaro: the orange character, goes by a nickname and usually chooses the egg for accessories

Is not that experienced with the game

so let‘s say, he plays for the firs time with the boys

He is the impostor for the first 4 rounds - he is completely overwhelmed

Never gets suspected cause “he just started playing this game - no way he is impostor and gets away with it so easily“

Whenever people sus him he plays the “i don‘t know how this works“ card - and the others believe him

The boys are SHOOK when they see he was the actual impostor

Wins 11/10 times - his cuteness and innocence make him win every time

“I was in that one room, I don‘t know what it‘s called....“, “I have a question; why are these alarms going off? Huh? Impostors can sabotage? How is that possible??? Oh okay, wow. Good to know. I hope i can remember this when I am the impostor then!“

Sungchan: the brown character, shares the same braincell as Chenle and chooses a weird name haha, is the only one who has a pet

He is the only one that thinks logically

Doesn‘t sus people without having his reasons (even when he is impostor)

Plays very well, sticks with his partner most of the time - double kills occure often with him being impostor

Him and Jaemin are actually a very good team

Although they stick together a lot, they also try to get alibis from other players

Win 10.5/10 times (sometimes he does mess up)

“No guys, I can confirm that Jisung is not the impostor, let that guy live for once! Haechan on the other hand apparently finished the ‚Simon says‘ task in less than a minute, which i find very weird as it takes longer than that.“ *cue Haechan‘s screaming*

[pateldevs]

don’t be shy; share those cho chang headcanons 👀 (thank you for blessing us with that cho chang gifset btw, i love her)

ok literally thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about how much i love cho chang and she got done so dirty in the books AND the movies and i also have this elaborate backstory for her parents bc i love her so much aaaaa anyway there’s a lot so under the cut! ~~

i have fully adopted it into canon in my head lol but her chinese name is 張秋 (which means the pinyin i’m more familiar w would be ‘zhang qiu’ which i guess is close enough to cho), 張 meaning hunter/archer and 秋 meaning harvest/autumn

the fact that her anglicized surname is ‘chang’ and not ‘zhang’ makes me think her dad’s family is taiwanese

her mom’s family used to be involved in international affairs for the british ministry of magic office in hong kong (as it was still a colony) and that’s how her mom’s family came to the uk

her parents fully embodied the enemies-to-lovers trope when they were at hogwarts b/c her dad captained the ravenclaw quidditch team and her mom captained the gryffindor team and they were both seekers

hence cho totally grew up on quidditch and played around trying to catch an old snitch with her parents from a young age

she almost ended up in hufflepuff. look at the way she stuck by marietta in ootp?? she’s so fiercely loyal!! wtf!!!

the kinds of traits that ultimately put her in ravenclaw make her a good athlete and vice versa. look at how she plays quidditch: she relies on a number of strategies besides just outright skill, usually distraction/diversion and turning the opposing seeker’s skills against them

that said i fully think her father is muggle-born or half-blood and grew up fencing, so he teaches her how to fence, and so she’s also a great épée fencer

she’s not great with offensive spells - hence her trouble in when they’re in DA in ootp - but she’s excellent with defensive charms, predicting what her opponent’s going to do, moving fast. it’s what makes her one of flitwick’s favorite students.

charms is her best class. don’t ask me for justification here it just is.

flitwick obviously sees her potential and totally invites her to dueling club even though she’s quite young for it

she’s a harpist. don’t ask me where this came from i just think if she played an instrument it would be harp

she’s a younger sibling, she’s so sensitive like fr the eldest daughter in an asian family would just internalize their emotions (this one was developed jointly with my older sister lmao)

she and cedric didn’t start out as a couple. they started as friends when both of them were out on the quidditch pitch early one morning, just practicing flying.

she and cedric tell each other EVERYTHING. absolutely everything. like fr this girl was almost a hufflepuff ok don’t tell me they wouldn’t have the most emotionally invested relationship

cedric asks her to the yule ball and quickly says it’s a really lowkey thing, they’re just friends

they’re not just friends though, she thinks she’s starting to like him because when he looks at her she feels like she can do anything, and when he looks at her it’s her, not her sister, not anyone else.

she’s secretly glad that she has a reason to turn down harry when he asks her to the yule ball. marietta thinks she’s crazy - who would willingly turn down a chance to be harry potter’s date?? - but cho just can’t bear the thought of just being ‘harry potter’s date.’ with cedric, at least she has a chance to be herself.

when cedric dies she’s absolutely devastated:

she can’t stop thinking about how they snuck out of their houses to sit on top of the astronomy tower and look at the stars the night before the last task

she can’t stop thinking about how he confessed that he was scared but he knew he’s so close to winning, and how he joked that it would be impossible for her to not fall in love with him if he won

she can’t stop thinking about how she said don’t be scared, just pretend i’m there with you, i’ve got your back (because obviously they’ve been to dueling club together and he knows how good she is at defensive spells)

she can’t stop thinking about how he waved to her before he entered the maze at the start of the third task

she feels so insanely guilty that maybe she’s the reason he died, he said he wanted to do well to impress her that night on the astronomy tower, didn’t he?

she loses sleep over it, she has dreams about that last night all the time, she has dreams about seeing harry coming back with cedric’s body, she has these dreams where she’s watching him get killed and she can’t do anything to defend him

she wants to ask harry about it at the end of the year but she doesn’t, because she doesn’t think she can handle hearing about it, but somehow it’s worse hearing rumors from everyone else

she finds herself drawn to harry because he makes her feel closer to cedric, because the loss of cedric is something they both share and surely harry must know how it feels

honestly this is what really pisses me off about how she’s written in the books, is that her emotions are so one-dimensional that they become a caricature of asian women as meek and weepy. the most her emotions ever got developed was when hermione explained how cho must be feeling after she kissed harry

like, you’re allowed to have female characters whose arcs are largely tied to and/or driven by other characters, but you gotta actually go into those relationships yk? in the books she’s only ever someone’s girlfriend and she just cries all the time but we don’t actually talk about why

she’s not just crying all the time because she incapable of moving on (which is more or less what harry thinks). she’s crying because she didn’t just lose her boyfriend, she lost one of her best friends. she stops going to dueling club because she’s lost her partner. her flying starts suffering because she thinks about all those early morning 1v1 games she and cedric used to have.

(marietta only goes to DA meetings with her because she feels like it’s the ‘good friend’ thing to do. if going to DA helps her cope with cedric’s death then sure. she goes.)

i’ve already said she was almost a hufflepuff but i have to say it again, cho loves and cares so deeply. she’s a sucker for sentimentalism. she skips dumbledore’s funeral to stand up on the astronomy tower and think about the war that’s coming.

on the last day of her seventh year, she finds the room of requirement again and spends hours walking through it, remembering everything she learnt in DA

when the war really starts up after dumbledore’s death, her parents want to move away, they want her and her sister to have as non-magical a life as they can, so she does, but she keeps the DA galleon and her wand instead of snapping it like her sister. her parents have absolutely no idea that she goes off to the battle of hogwarts. 

when she fights she’s a team player. she partners up with katie bell for most of the final battle

at one point she and katie are separated and she comes face to face with a death eater. she almost kills him. she wants to so badly. she hates what the man stands for. but she thinks about two of the most important people in this war, harry and cedric, and she thinks, they never would. so she doesn’t.

^ she doesn’t think of harry and cedric because of her relationship with them. in fact it’s thinking about her relationship with cedric that makes her want to kill the death eater. but she thinks of harry and cedric, and what they would want and do, because they are the ones who had/have the most to lose in this war.

when are we going to get a series that delves into how visceral her emotions were?! how her grief tore her to pieces! how her trauma ate away at her! how disarming a death eater and pinning him to the ground and holding the tip of her wand to his throat made her feel like a totally different person, how close she came to ending his life! how, in the days after the battle, she feels disgusted by the idea that she even thought about using an unforgivable curse. how she learns to recover and rebuild and heal!

she plays seeker for the holyhead harpies for a while. she learns to love flying again. she learns to love the stars again. 

she doesn’t really start a family because she has little interest in being associated with others as ‘so-and-so’s wife’ or ‘so-and-so’s mother.’

she always visits cedric’s grave on june 24 every year.

eventually when flitwick retires she takes his place as charms professor and head of house because if anyone deserves a happy ending it’s cho chang!!

[shirtlesssammy]

15x02: Raising Hell

Then:

Cousin Oliver’s Cousin Oliver makes his grand entrance, and we love him

Now:

The ghosts of Harlan, Kansas are contained, and most of the townsfolk are corralled in the high school 5 miles away. One daring resident, Nan, decides to check out things herself, and armed with nothing but her pashmina scarf, she scouts the town. Her neighbor, Rob, is there and, let me say, if he was that much of a weirdo in life, I would have moved across the country to get away from him. EEEk. 

*Gratuitous Buckleming Bullshit Alert*

Nan is stabbed repeatedly by the ghost possessing Rob. And then the ghost makes a spelling bee funny. 

And we laughed and laughed. 

At the high school, Cas worries that they’re benzine cover story isn’t going to last much longer. One woman already disappeared. Chief!Sam steps up and makes an inspiring speech to the frustrated townspeople.

It’s kinda awkward? I think Sam is nervous about leading (and it breaks me a little to think about the trauma that he’s processing when he made this decision to lead again.)  

FBI!Dean and Belphegor are patrolling the perimeter of the ghost circle. We learn that the ghost in the opening is Francis Tumblety, a.k.a. Jack the Ripper (*Boris puts on Sam Winchester nerd glasses*: No one actually knows who Jack the Ripper was, and he’s not “cool” Dean. Anyway, go read The Five, y’all.) 

Some vigilante townspeople decide to take matters in their own hands and make a plan to go back to their houses. 

*First Quarterly Meeting of the Harlan Ghosts Alert*

Francis Tumblety, President, opens the meeting with an announcement that they were all kicked out of Hell by God himself. Is it just me or did Hell make all these former people WAY dramatic, like they’re all taking part in a small town theater production? 

Two of the vigilantes sneak past the quarantine zone barrier and are almost immediately greeted by two ghosts. Wherps. 

Our favorite witch, Rowena, interrupts Sam and Cas arguing about how to handle the restless townsfolk. Rowena throws her usual love towards Castiel. I think Cas is getting used to it. (And way to deflect your real desire to just chit chat with Sam, Rowena.) Sam asks Rowena about building another soul bomb. They need something to collect the ghosts in.

Before too much flirting can happen, they’re interrupted. There’s a situation. 

Sam rushes to Dean and Belphegor. They’ve found the two possessed townspeople. Sam starts talking to them like they were just totes normal staring at them. Their eyes start bleeding black goo and our intrepid heroes realize they’re possessed. Francis Tumblety pops up and demands to be released. The people possessed are tortured from the inside --and Sam and Dean just stand there. Shoot the ghost, dudes! Make him go away! Ah, that’s for HERO Ketch to do instead! Yay, Ketch! (I feel dirty just writing those words as a joke, and will now burn both my computer and my fingers for typing them.) 

Back at the high school, the brothers discuss the AMAZING and COMPLETELY HELPFUL appearance of Ketch. Ugh. Rowena asks Sam for a Scotch (I mean, she says “Dear”, that’s Sam, right?) Ketch tries to set things right with the witch, but she “hasn’t forgotten” their past. (KILL HIM, QUEEN). 

Ketch learns that Jack is dead and now we’re Team Belphegor. It seems that Ketch has been tasked with assassinating Belphegor. Awkward. 

Meanwhile, in Reno, Amara’s living her best life. She’s getting a massage, when her derpy asshole brother makes an appearance. (Sidenote: I’m supposed to hate Chuck, but wtf? I can’t hate Rob! It’s physically impossible to not be charmed. Aagh. Oh, wait, he liked the ending to Game of Thrones. BURN HIM. But seriously, that’s some lovely shade, and it renews my faith that they’re going to stick the landing with Supernatural.) 

Cas has to handle customer service for a bit, and quite frankly, he’s a fucking saint. 

Rowena and Dean talk ingredients for her soul bomb spell, and Dean plays matchmaker for her and Sam! Specifically, he tells her to “find another boy toy” when she asks about Ketch, but she was just asking to learn what’s the best angle for killing him. Dean doesn’t know that though. Dean might be going through a messy break-up but he’s still making sure his brother is happy. 

*DEANCAS ALERT*

Cas finds Dean in a room. Cas makes an awkward sports reference (HE’S JUST TRYING TO FIT IN, DAMNIT --also, I like to think he’s trying to throw a little levity into their awkward exchanges.) Dean’s pretty mad, and I’m pretty sure I read a few dozen coda fics with this exact dialog last week, lol. Dean’s mad about everything --his whole life has been a lie. Cas bites back, angry about Chuck killing Jack, but he makes it clear to Dean that what they’ve done over the years isn’t a lie. 

Dean can’t believe they’ve ever had a choice in anything. Brb, crying in the corner. I’ll just leave this here for now:

Cas: Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

(I can’t find it now but someone on sm compared this to “You idiot. You asshole..” and I am compromised.)

Later, Dean and Ketch walk the perimeter. Dean gives Ketch an iron chain to wear to keep ghosts away. They head to a Meat Packing warehouse, where the F in Dean’s FBI jacket disappears. Wherps. Ketch gets tossed around a bit, AND I’M HERE FOR THIS. Dean gets tossed a bit too so, no thank you. A voice tells the ghost to back off. KEVIN!

Dean tries to wrap his brain around Kevin, who was unfortunately sent to Hell instead of Heaven by good ol’ Chuck. Kevin reports that the barrier is fading, so they’re running out of time. He also boasts that he has a “bad boy rep” in Hell. You do you, I guess? 

Chuck continues to be THAT GUY, hanging out in Amara’s hotel room and channel surfing. She tries to do yoga. 

When he tries to convince her to jet off to another dimension, she refuses. “I am running a hot streak in craps. I like Reno. Everyone here is so not…you.” Amara senses that Chuck is…off. When she discovers his injured shoulder, she tells him that he’s weak and afraid. 

Sam and Dean (and bonus Belphegor) assess the state of the barrier. Belphegor insists that the Winchesters can’t just shuttle Kevin off to Heaven. Once he’s been in Hell, he’s destined to stay there. (Can I just say, we’re basing this all off the word of a hinky demon? So IS this really canon truth, is what I wanna know?) (Boris: That wasn’t true for Bobby?)

In Reno, Chuck touches his bullet wound and hisses in pain. Sam cries out at the same time. Oof, TIED TOGETHER. Sam lies to Dean and tells him that he’s feeling better. Dean does his best inquisitive face.

The ghosts, meanwhile, are still hanging out in their weirdly vanilla home base. I can’t believe nobody’s painted viscera on the walls yet! Other Colonel Sanders stalks around, grandstanding about the failing warding and their plan to attack the weak points. Kevin flashes in. Our dear Kevin tries to act tough, but gets bullied by a bigger…ghost. (Suggestion: a ghost’s power isn’t inherently proportional to their size in life, but to their intelligence and mastery of their ghosty powers.) But WHATEVER the big, bully ghost puts a halt to Kevin’s plan to infiltrate the group pretty much immediately. 

Rowena flirts (apparently, ugh) with Ketch while mixing potions in a science classroom. 

As much as I love and support Rowena and want her to GET SOME whenever she damn well pleases, I find Ketch to be a tool through and through. It’d be different if she wanted something from him but…alas. There they are. They flirt with awkward magic versus science innuendo. Ketch strips a plug and jolts her potion. (Boris and I wander off, our hands shielding our eyes in second-hand embarrassment.) 

 Rowena races through the neighborhood with her soul trapping bespelled crystal. Other Colonel Sanders zaps in. He once had a relationship (ReALly?) with her and is appalled that she’s working for the Winchesters now. Ketch pops up and shoots the ghost while Rowena runs off. As Ketch stares off in the distance feeling very smug, the ghost zaps in behind him and knocks him out.

The Winchesters head in to the very beige suburban home to talk to the ghosts. Other Colonel Sanders threatens to kill Kevin, then sticks his hand in Kevin and starts to suck away his soul. Um. Okay, is this a ghost power now? Or is that how demons are made? Rowena uses that moment to suck several ghosts into her crystal, but it’s not enough. She’ll have to catch them one by one, practically. Kevin tells them about the barrier-busting plan, and they head out to survey it. 

The ghosts manifest as little red balls of flame as they hit the barrier. Dean shoots at them like he’s playing a carnival game and is DESPERATE for the red cowboy hat at the top of the booth. Shooting them one by one is pretty fruitless, so Rowena’s called to the plate. Ketch escorts her to the front and I kinda want to punch him as he gestures for her to go ahead. Like, go eat a lemon and die, Ketch. 

Rowena lets loose her ghostbuster ray and starts sucking in ghosts (through…the barrier?) but Ketch knocks her out. It turns out, he’s ghost-possessed! Sweet Dean Bean’s out of salt rounds and Ketch has the crystal now. He boasts about its power and how it’ll be the most perfect thing to break the wall. Dean shoots Ketch, knocking the ghost out of him, and Rowena sucks ‘em in.

Later, Ketch is getting loaded up into an ambulance (glad to see these random first responders are helping out right at the border of this freak gas leak). Cas tells Sam quickly that he tried to heal Ketch, but failed. Ruh roh, Cas! 

Dean holds a conciliatory conversation with Ketch (to sad music) while Ketch gets hauled away. Ketch exchanges mournful glances with (EXHAUSTED SIGH) Rowena. Dodged a bullet there, Rowena. 

Dean and Sam bid farewell to Kevin, who believes Belphegor’s line about Heaven’s no admittance policy. Kevin’s going to wander the world as a restless spirit, rather than head back to Hell. Belphegor zaps the warding, opening up a door-sized hole for him to go through. See you soon, we hope! 

For Kevin Looks FINE Science:

Back with the gods, Amara heads out on her own. “I am willing to coexist with you, brother. …In the universe! Just not anywhere near you.” She tells him that he has little power against her now. Furthermore, he can’t leave the world without her help. “I’ve become the better me. And you are still the same. Petulant, narcissistic…” Amara is pleased that she’s been able to trap Chuck on the very world he’s trying to escape right now. 

At the barrier, souls continue to whir towards the weak point. Dun dun DUN!

______________________________

These Quotes are Real:

A town full of ghosts? Messy even by Winchester standards.

Can you boys do nothing on your own.

We ran our own race. We made our own moves. And mostly we did well with that.

Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

Turns out, God’s a dick.

I like soul catcher.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon Black 2 Randomized Nuzlocke Run [Part 9]

All eight badges earned, so what does that leave?

Pirates.

Team for the task?

Vertex (Luxray)

Caspet (Gengar)

Stormy (Metagross)

Photon (Rayquaza)

Nessy (Milotic)

Diego (Gardevoir)

...Those who did not participate in the last Gym, raise hands or whatever you have in place of hands for grinding.

#LET ME LEAVE THE GYM WITHOUT A CONVERSATION GEN 5 CHALLENGE.

Colress, I swear, if you pull a Euicine and make me fight you for the honor of not fighting the Terrakion...

He does not. He gives us a toy and basically says to check out the cave that I need Strength to go through more thoroughly. The Giant Chasm pirates are still blocking my way, so.

Siiiiiigh.

Box crew! What have you got for me!

I will take out Bessy, the level 33 Miltank, and teach her Strength.

Bessy is Modest and somewhat vain, but that doesn’t matter because she’s just here for HMs. She’s temporarily taking Vertex’s place, since Vertex isn’t in need of more experience.

Ah. Actually, Strength just lets you get Toxic. Which is fine, but sorry Vertex, guess I threw you out of the squad for nothing.

Hey we found the boat!

Marlon lets us aboard. Thought: I should go put Bessy back in the box and grab Vertex in case something goes wrong. Except that would take time.

...I am going to go put Bessy back in the box and grab Vertex.

After shifting a boulder on Route 22. And grinding for a bit.

Okay. A few hours later, I am more comfortable entering the pirate ship. Team levels are now 56-60. That is absolutely a balanced assessment of my current team. It is in no way misleading.

Me!

...This is the greatest grunt ever. He calls Marlon Smiley Swimsuit. Yes. You have perfectly boiled down his character essentials.

Oh wait, he has a Watchdog.

Sorry pirate friend. We can’t be friends.

Russell, my actual friend, is trying to go on his roaring rampage of revenge. Only as a responsible big brother, not a Sasuke.

I used to have a Sasuke. No more.

...I should have named Russell Itachi. If there’s ever a next time...

I continue to find it delightful that after N leaves, Team Plasma ditches their knight theme for a pirate one. I don’t even know why, I just love it. I love knight aesthetic, I love pirate aesthetic. My castle was right next to my pirate ship for most of my childhood, and it rocked.

Though my pirates wouldn’t steal people’s pets. A key difference. Pirate in name only. Well. And clothing. Pirate is just a more fun word than sailor, and pirates have looser fashion.

Mook time over?

Technically this one isn’t stealing.

Just animal abuse.

The villain of this game is just a salty old man who spent so much time in a refrigerator he decided the rest of the world should spend time in a refrigerator, too. Then he found out his region has a legendary Dragon/Ice type, and the rest is history.

Only history I have to repeat.

Because the villain of a Pokemon game decided his winning strategy would be shooting bolts of ice down at the world below.

Video games are the greatest.

...Wait. How did me and Russell get down here? Did Team Plasma just throw us off?

Also, yes Cheren. They use everything for evil. They’re the bad guys.

And then Cheren asks where the people Zekrom and Reshiram recognized are and. I wonder if he misses his friend. his best friend, [last game protagonist]. How much does it suck that he spent a full game with [person], and now they’ll never see each other again because [person] is bound to a different dimension. A world Cheren can’t touch.

Canon has, what. Red who comes back? Every other protagonist kind of just. vanishes as far as future references to that world are concerned. And Red spends quite some time up on a mountain. Alone.

These games are all about people who swoop in and birth legends, then vanish.

I made myself sad.

Anyway, to the Giant Chasm!

Totally bro.

Aw crud. Do I need Strength? I think I might need Strength. Can I mayhaps avoid that?

Oh. I could just go down the giant stairs.

Wow. Talk about your parties.

ONE MORE TIME ON THE BOAT.

I hate password games. At least the ship supplies a doctor early on. I wasn’t to the point of active concern, but I was feeling a bit itchy about using up healing items. I haven’t grown out of my usual standard in these games where I just let everything in my party die to avoid spending money.

Agreed, let’s roll you.

This guy just keeps throwing Cryogonal at me.

You know, I don’t have a lot to complain about regarding these games and their choices. I whine about everything, but all in all, I find all of them very solid and enjoyable. Even if gen 4 has too many HM requirements wtf just stop.

This isn’t really a complaint, but it is a confusion. Zinzolin is fought multiple times in a relatively small window, and his team never changes. We just keep beating him. I get the sense that they wanted a villain, but as a sequel game to a gen that went all out on that, they didn’t really have anything they were willing to turn into a threat.

Really, I feel like a better path to pick would have been giving one of the Plasma grunts a different hat and having them be the captain of a very confused and angry crew. But eh, whatever.

....Oh. You.

Why is the most anime hair dude in the game so gosh darn forgettable?

For the sake of my flawed memory, he wants to bring out the full potential of pokemon, and is willing to us whatever means are necessary. The only question is which approach actually yields results.

I like you, Colress. I am never going to remember you, but I like you.

Good grief his theme sounds like it came out of Phantasy Star.

First up is a level 50 Magneton. Caspet’s an okay choice, so I’ll just Shadow Ball it. Magneton Thunder Waves Caspet, then uses Volt Switch to swap in Beheeyem (also level 50), who takes a Shadow Ball and dies instantly.

Sorry, ‘faints.’

A level 50 Metang is switched in next. Out of twitchiness over Caspet’s paralyzed state, I put Nessy in and go with Surf. Metang uses Agility from the red. Colress uses a Full Restore. Metang hits a Zen Headbutt, but Nessy has the last laugh.

Ugh. Colress is going to send in a Magnezone. Stormy’s the best answer to that, I think. Stormy knows Hammer Arm. It hits, but like everything I hate, Magnezone has Sturdy. A Bullet Punch handles that.

A level 52 Klinklang is next. His only thing over 50. Stormy is paralyzed thanks to Magnezone, but a Hammer Arm that hits should end it, and I don’t think Klinklang knows anything that’s a threat.

Even if Stormy feels like being paralyzed.

Only once, though. Hammer Arm + Bullet Punch does the job, and we only have that pesky Magneton left.

Hammer Arm and we are done.

Please don’t make me fight another one of these clowns. I don’t wanna.

Aw heck, Russell’s having his moment with Purrloin drama. And I guess I’m not fighting robe dude. It’s all ninja for now. With my four pokemon who aren’t paralyzed. Maybe I should have fixed that.

:(

For real though, our rival’s plotline here is pretty dang sad. He wants his little sister’s pokemon back, and by the time he finds it, it isn’t hers anymore. It’s had an entirely different life without them, probably committing crime. Because it’s been told to.

This is why you get the pirate Plasmas and the knight Plasmas. It’s fantastic that you, the protagonist, has a crew of pokemon perfectly happy fighting and doing whatever you want. But living things being forced to do whatever you want them to because you happened to throw a ball at them is pretty screwed up.

There’s not really a satisfactory conclusion to all of this, since critique of a game mechanic that is never going to stop being a game mechanic doesn’t get to start dramatic revolutions regarding that mechanic, but it’s all very sad and sobering.

That pretty ice tho.

BUT WHERE IS THE PROTAGONIST FROM THE LAST GAME.

No, but thank you N. I was not ready to die at the hands of Kyurem. Your assistance is much appreciated, and pretty great in your sequel. Props.

Gee, that looks bad.

Cue dramatic anime battle sequence.

Followed by anime transformation sequence.

Welp. Time to kill you. Let’s just hope I can.

...Stormy. I think I might want you to tackle this. To the front you go.

But really.

So damn cool.

It’s dead now, but so. cool.

There are too many fights going on. I think I wouldn’t mind in a normaly playthrough, but for a Nuzlocke, this is needlessly stressful and I am not a fan also I beat Ghetsis in the last game and it wasn’t fun then, either.

He has six pokemon, and he opens with a level 50 Cofagrigus. That is not Stormy’s friend. Nessy, if you would. Hydro Pump hits. Toxic hits from the other side, and I will deal with that in a moment, after the Cofagrigus is gone.

Ghetsis, naturally, uses a Full Restore.

Nessy handles it in the end, but is down to 73 health. Eelektross is coming out next. Time to switch. To... uh. I’ll give Photon a whirl. Feeling lucky, I use Outrage, and Eelektross faints.

Ah. Hydreigon is out next.

That is a nasty type combo for my team to deal with. I think. Geez, mark this where I have all the regrets, but Photon’s staying in to murder the Hydreigon with Outrage. Ganbatte.

IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE AND A CRITICAL HIT, GOOD JOB PHOTON.

Seismitoad is next. Diego, time for you and your Magical Leaf to shine. Shine they do, and we’re on to Drapion, which I will leave to Photon. Two Air Slashes make their mark, and all that’s left is Toxicroak, so in you stay Photon.

AND WE’RE DONE HERE, SCREW YOU GHETSIS!

But where is that certain Trainer, N????

Anyway, with that, it looks like the plot portion of this Nuzlocke is over. All that’s left is heading up to challenge the Elite Four.

I think a battle like that can have its own part.

[cindersinrags]

Overheard: “I’m a woc myself and I don’t like the way Iris is written.”

I try not to jump onto hater posts these days, because with a 21 month old child running around the place, I just don’t get that kind of time anymore, plus with Trump and Team Evil dominating every hour of the news cycle, Tumblr is supposed to be somewhat of a reprieve. Or at least it was until I came across this interesting post by @series24-7 

This person wrote:

“I’m a woc myself and I don’t like the way Iris is written. I feel like it’s really forced to make her seem like miss perfection, she isn’t perfect nobody is perfect so why would she be?”

Being a WOC doesn’t exempt you from engaging in problematic behavior. I know plenty of (non-black) WOCs who hate Iris because she’s black. A lot of these same (non-black)WOCs hated Bonnie Bennett from The Vampire Diaries. A lot of these WOC have internalized racism aimed at black women, and feel that whiteness is the holy grail. I’m not mad about it, I just know it’s a real thing that exists.  A lot of these WOCs are also in denial about their own racism, and their not-so-secret love of whiteness.

I can look at all that, and whistle past it, but what you will not do, is come on here and make shit up about Iris West or make blatantly incorrect statements, and treat them as if they are facts, rather than your biased opinion.

OP writes:

“I feel like it’s really forced to make her seem like miss perfection, she isn’t perfect nobody is perfect so why would she be?”

It’s interesting to me that the OP thinks that Iris is written perfectly, and this is one of the reasons she hates her.  As far as I can tell, this person seems to have mistaken Iris’ humanity and innate goodness, for perfection, and she hates it. If the OP had said that she hates that the writers always have Iris being super-humanly selfless all the time, even to her own detriment, I would totally agree, I’m not here for the magical negress treatment, (because if it was me, there is no way that I’d be inviting the woman and her alter ego who tried to help murder me just six months ago, to be my maid of honor) but she specifically used the term “perfect”, and her hatred of that perfection.  

Here, the term “perfect” isn’t being being reviewed from a literary or artistic perspective (and don’t be fooled, just because OP used the word “written”, doesn’t mean that her critique was literary or artistic in nature) the resentful manner in which the OP talked about Iris’ perfection, suggests that there’s something else going on here. It suggests that there’s a tinge of jealousy getting in the way of OP’s ability to see the truth.  Jealousy of what, I hear you ask? Well, just spend 30 seconds scrolling her/his Tumblr, and the answer might come to you very quickly.

Anyway, OP continues:

“At the beginning of the she was “the leader” of team flash. I feel like it should have been Cisco, he was there from the begin so why should Iris take it over?”

I find this soooo interesting. I’m assuming that the OP is young and has never worked in an organisation before?

Just a quick lesson for the young and uninitiated; Leadership isn’t about who’s been there the longest. In most cases, leaders are chosen by other leaders. However, sometimes leaders emerge, because nobody else wants the job, and sometimes they emerge, because they have what it takes to get the job done, and they are good at delegating tasks effectively and to the benefit of that organisation. Sometimes leaders are brought in from the outside, because they are better than the people currently on the inside. 

Also, being an expert in a particular field doesn’t make you a leader.  For examples of captains of industry who take over companies and organisations, who dabble in fields that they’re unfamiliar with, Google is your friend.

I think at times, people conflate being an expert in your field, with being a great leader. That’s simply not true. Take sports for example, being an excellent ball player is not the same as being an excellent coach. There are different skill-sets required for each role.

We currently have a president who was allegedly a very successful business man, but he’d never served as a politician. We see the results of that experiment right?

The problem with the OP suggesting that Cisco should have been the leader is that we’ve seen over and over again that Cisco is a doer, he wants to be lead, not to lead. This was made especially clear during the episode 3x19 last season. The Once and Future Flash. 

When Barry traveled back to a world where there was no Iris, everything had gone to crap. Who stepped up? Joe? Nope. HR? Big nope. Future Barry? HUGE nope. Cisco? Nope. 

Cisco just wanted his friend back. He hadn’t taken control of the situation at all. It had been seven years or so since Iris’ death and everybody was still wallowing, including Cisco himself. Compare and contrast that with six months after Barry went into the Speedforce. Team Flash were operational and they were effective, if a little slower. Iris made that happen, not Cisco, not Joe, not Wally. Iris kept them together for the greater good, even while repressing her own feelings of sorrow and abandonment. That’s what a real leader looks like, that’s what a leader does.

OP also wrote

 “Just because she’s with Barry? Sorry but I don’t think so. Even if they didn’t want it to be Cisco and it should have been Iris than they didn’t have to make her trying to be a perfect leader or let her being so bossy about every little thing.”

Oh God. The rampant sexism that underlines this comment is mind-blowing. So Iris only took a leadership role because she was Barry’s girlfriend? Also, note the pejorative use of the word “bossy”. Women have been talking about how strong men in leadership positions  are called bold and assertive, whereas strong women are called “bossy” and “bitchy”.

Congratulations, you fell for the bullshit, promoted by the patriarchy. Go you.

OP goes on:

“Before the wedding I don’t know exactly which eps it is but Iris asked Caitlin to be her maid of honor which is weird. Caitlin and Iris are just acquaintances why would you ask someone who you barely know anything about to be your maid of honor? It felt forced for the storyline to have Caitlin as her maid of honor.”

I’m not sure what this had to do with the rest of her post, but here’s the thing, the OP is right.  However it was something that the writers should have addressed in season one. You can’t have the two main women on the show never interacting. It never made any sense. So what we got instead was a short, sharp scene addressing the elephant in the rooms. Was it perfect? No. Did I hate it? Yes (see the whole ‘your alter-ego tried to murder me’ thing). Was it necessary? Abso-fucking-lutely.    

Iris holding out the hand of friendship to a troubled Caitlin isn’t a reason to hate her. In fact, if it wasn’t for the OP’s obvious shipper-based bias, she would have welcomed this status quo. The depiction of healthy female friendships are important in the Arrowverse.

The OP also wrote:

“Over to Westallen, I don’t like them together because their relationship is just toxic.”

I don’t think this person actually knows what toxic actually means. I think it’s a term that they’ve heard over and over again, without ever really considering its real meaning. Let me provide the Merriam-Webster dictionary definition for them to mull over:

Definition of toxic

1: containing or being poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation

toxic waste a toxic radioactive gas an insecticide highly toxic to birds toxic sarcasm

2: exhibiting symptoms of infection or toxicosis

3: extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful

4: relating to or being an asset that has lost so much value that it cannot be sold on the market

Cambridge dictionary’s informal definition of toxic is this:

Informal  “very unpleasant or unacceptable”

informal “causing you a lot of harm and unhappiness over a long period of time:”

If the Cambridge definition is what the OP is going by, then I need receipts that don’t include Barry taking way too long to declare his love to Iris (because that shit was on him). I need receipts that prove that Iris has caused Barry “harm and unhappiness” over a long period of time. I need proof beyond the OP’s own obvious bias that Iris is “very unpleasant or unacceptable.”

She/he continues:

“Barry asked her out a couple of times, but she turned him down.”

As far as I can recall, prior to Iris getting together with Eddie, Barry had never declared his feelings to Iris. He then tried declaring his love when she was dating Eddie, like wtf dude? And when she did finally declare her feelings to Barry, he accidentally changed the timeline, and erased all the things that made Iris realize that she was in love with him, not Eddie, but I guess people only see what they want to see.

OP continues: 

I felt like when she knew he was the flash that she started to think of the idea of them being together, because in a way she liked the flash. Until Barry had changed the timeline she didn’t see him as someone she could spend her life with.

This sounds eerily like the typical Snowbarry go-to reason for why West Allen shouldn’t be together.

Anyway, for those who watch without the haze of their Snowbarry dreams getting in the way of facts, this is what Iris said to Barry before she knew he was The Flash, and before Barry changed the timeline the first time:

Barry:  Iris, you need to get as far away from here as possible!”

Iris: “I’m not leaving you!”

Barry: “Iris please!”

Iris: “Listen to me, ever since the night that you told me how you felt, I have not been able to stop thinking about you. At first, I was really mad, and then I realized that the reason that I couldn't stop thinking about you was because I didn't want to.”

Barry: I've never stopped thinking about you.”

Then they kiss.

Basically Iris had already come to the conclusion that she had deeper feelings for Barry, before she knew he was The Flash. His confession forced her to acknowledge that her feelings weren’t entirely non-romantic, and their desperate situation towards the end of 1x15 made her realize that life was short, and she needed Barry to know that she felt the same as he did. But, yeah, go ahead and pretend that Iris was all about The Flash, and only got with Barry because he was The Flash.

Now this one by the OP is a doozy, and the subject matter had many a fanboy triggered;

Than going on when she said that to Barry that they’re the flash, my first thought was no just no. She may be a part of team flash and together with the flash but it doesn’t make her the flash. She may have been taking care of the team while Barry was in the speed force but that doesn’t mean that she’s a part of the flash. Barry is the flash nobody else, she’s just a part of team flash. It’s not like she’s a speedster, just like Barry.

The reaction to Iris saying that her and Barry were The Flash was an interesting one to say the least. The people who understood what she was saying, were the people who A, liked Iris enough to look past the literal meaning of her words, and B, the people who were in, or had previously been in long-term meaningful relationships.

The people who didn’t understand were the people who, A, had an irrational hatred for Iris, and would never ever try to see anything from her perspective, or even God forbid read between the lines (and this one was oh-so-easy), the other group were those who’d never had long term meaningful relationships before.  Either way, I think that judging from her comments, the OP probably falls into both categories

Personally, I understood what Iris was saying because I’m not an imbecile. I understand what metaphors are. 

OP writes:

My point is you can’t say people hate Iris because she’s a woc or anything

I don’t know what’s in the OP’s heart because I can’t read minds, however what I do know is that there are obvious examples of fans hating on Iris and Candice, purely because she’s a black woman. The best example can be found in the abuse that Candice received when it was announced that Iris West was going to be played by a black woman. Other examples can be found on Candice’s Instagram page, where she’s been called “Ugly monkey”, etc.

Also, just because somebody is unaware of their bias, prejudice, or racism, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. They just refuse to acknowledge it as such, and they come up with all kinds of excuses to defend their hatred. Even when none of those reasons make any sense at all. Including when the writers finally give Iris enough agency to voice her heartbreak over Barry leaving her to go into the Speedforce.

The more enlightened among us know that just because you understand why somebody leaves you, that doesn’t mean that it’s not going to hurt you. I’ve witnessed people being mad at loved ones because they died, as if it was their choice. Heartbreak isn’t always rational, and quite frankly, I don’t get the people who don’t understand this basic human foible.

So to clarify, the OP is a WOC, which means that she couldn’t possibly be racist, and these are the reasons why she hates Iris and West Allen:

Because Iris has been written to be Miss Perfect who strives to be the perfect leader.

Because Iris held out the hand of friendship to a troubled work friend.

Because Iris became the leader of Team Flash when Barry left and she was bossy.

Because Iris felt heartbroken when the love of her life left her to go into the Speedforce, and then spent the next six months not knowing whether he was alive or dead.

Because Iris is only with Barry because he’s The Flash, despite her declaring her feelings before she found out that he was The Flash.

Because Iris told her fiance, Barry, that they were The Flash

Because Iris is no longer a journalist/working at CCPN

Yeah dude, I’m not convinced. 

OP would have had an easier time if he/she had just said that he/she hated Iris because he/she thinks that Barry should be with the only regular white woman on the show. That at least would have been more truthful.

[fossadeileonixv]

WTF: 2 FOR 1 RATINGS!

Who’s the man? He’s the man!

Here’s your official 2 in 1 thoughts over the last 2 matches. Let’s go! 

If not for Ibra banging a couple in I would have had DONNARUMMA as my man of the match against Bologna. While they didn’t have many chances the ones they had were good and 99 was there to shut the door. Not much he could do on the 2 against Bodo. The second one especially. More on that later. B

Is it possible that all of the defensive improvement THEO has shown has come at the expense of his offense? Maybe. If so, that’s ok. His defense has increased in leaps and bounds. Against Bodo his offense was back on display with an assist, several nice crosses and some nifty interplay between him and Saelemaekers. B

First we thought we’d be ok with GABBIA. Then it was obvious after the Shamrock Rovers game that we should be looking for an extra CB just in case. Now after Bodo it’s crystal clear we really need to buy another CB. F

KJAER remains a rock. I do worry how much all this early season mileage will wear on him in the long run. A

DUARTE played and the world didn’t end. 

UNPOPULAR OPINION ALERT!!!!

Let’s slow down the CALABRIA train just a little bit. He was excellent against Bologna. No doubt. Barrow did absolutely nothing. That wasn’t all Calabria though. Several times in the first half alone he was caught way upfield while Castillejo raced back to cover him. That reared it’s head again yesterday when on the second goal Calabria gets too far forward, Castillejo isn’t there to cover his ass, Kessie has to come wide and the ball is crossed into... guess where.... exactly the place Kessie would have been occupying and Bodo scored. I appreciate the energy and excitement but stay home kid. You’re not Theo. B

KESSIE just gets better every game. There’s not gonna be any great stat that you can show off on twitter or anything. You’re just gonna have to watch him. Strength, speed, power. It’s Essien 2.0 folks. Enjoy. A

It’s gonna be interesting to watch BENNACER test the waters of going forward more and more. In the Shamrock Rovers game he was tasked just to stay home and did that. Then in the Bologna game he was totally set loose. So much so that for the first 25 minutes he was all over the place. It was Flamini-esque and looked like a reversion to the first half of last year when he averaged a yellow card per game. Terrible stuff. Seemed everyone else on the field was taking turns covering for him. Around that 25 minute mark he settled down a bit and found his way. It was more the same yesterday. More balance. Much better. B

I like what Pioli is doing with TONALI giving him 10-15 minutes here and there. Against Bologna it was with Bennacer. Against Bodo it was with Kessie. I imagine he has a chart where if things go as planned he starts a game by say November 1. No reason to rush him. It’s gonna take time and that’s NOT a crack on Tonali. It’s more a comment on how good the midfield is. INCOMPLETE

KRUNIC came on in the 86th minute against Bologna and also recorded a yellow card in the same minute. Nice. Missed his minutes against Bodo.... or DID I???? LOL

As mentioned above I don’t think CASTILLEJO was as bad as everyone made him out to be. What I’ve noticed with him is when he stays upright he plays much better. When he’s constantly clattering into people and flopping it’s a mess. You can usually tell within 5 minutes which one you are getting that day. C

HAKAN continues on his endless summer dreamlike motorcycle ride along the coastline. When you are smashing shots into the top corner with your off foot you know things are going well. Shhhhh... don’t wake him. A

I don’t really get the SAELEMAEKERS hate. Probably never will. He has a great touch, can play all over the place and is starting to make some things happen. Against Bologna he came in as things really settled down in the second half. Along with Calabria the held down the right. He was also able to get forward and make things happen. Against Bodo he played a completely different role. He was on paper the LW but actually tucked inside and played facilitator. He was there for Theo to make runs off of and also did some distributing to Hakan and Bennacer. That’s some wonderful versatility in a sport where most players never play more than one position. B

I’m still waiting to see what DIAZ is. Will he be more a pass and move guy or is he more a 1on1 specialist where he always tries to beat a guy or two? More to come that’s for sure. INCOMPLETE

As soon as COLOMBO scored I couldn’t help but think of Cutrone. Young guy who gets to bang in some tap ins here and there and eventually gets found out. I think he already has more ball skills though. Did not look out of his depth. C

 IBRA

(Insert Covid joke here)

Carried us a lot against Bologna but then we banged in 3 without him against Bodo. Both equally good signs. A

PAQUETA did not play. At all. 

OTHER THOUGHTS

- Watching the slow integration of Tonali into the team looks like it is gonna be fun and interesting and not painful. 

- It’s clear that Pioli wants more and more pressing. I’m not sure how that’s gonna go without bringing in another CB or until Romagnoli is fully fit. I like it though. 

- 3 games in the next 9 days and then it’s 13 days off until Inter..... the first big test of the year. 

Cheers

Lisi