#and the funny little scat he does

[cephandriusnimi]

If y'all liked the godtier shitpost that is Planet of the Bass by Kyle Gordon (source of women are my favorite guy):

He just released Ugliest Girl on the Beach as a Bossa Nova parody and it's got to be, both lyrically and musically, one of the best things i've heard this year.

please reblog and spread awareness. it's beautiful.

[eepwriting]

III NSFW Alphabet

Warnings: All of ittttt

!! mdni !!

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✶ A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex.)

➮ He enjoys cleaning you up with his mouth…

➮ Will ensure you’re satisfied before he passes out.

✶ B = Body Part (Favorite on them, favorite on you.)

➮ His likes his hands. They help him do what he loves to do.

➮ He’s a tit guy don’t even try to change my mind. Whether you’re well endowed or not, he’s spending a lot of time worshipping your chest.

✶ C = Cum (Anything do to with cum.)

➮ He loves to finish in your mouth, bonus points if you open your mouth to show him before you spit/swallow.

✶ D = Dirty Secret (Self Explanatory?)

➮ He’s a finger sucker. That’s it.

✶ E = Experience (How experienced are they?)

➮ He’s got a good amount of experience. Excited to try things with you that you’ve never done if you’re less experienced.

✶ F = Favorite Position

➮ Doggy/Standing. Especially loves standing at the end of the bed, you laying down, your hips angled up to him.

✶ G = Goofy (Are they serious or fun and playful?)

➮ He’s very playful. Will tickle you, crack jokes and make funny faces sometimes.

✶ H = Hair (How well groomed are they?)

➮ Sometimes he lets it go all natural, sometimes he trims/shaves. Just depends on his mood.

✶ I = Intimacy (How intimate are they in the moment?)

➮ Depends on his mood. If he’s feeling especially lovey dovey towards you, he’ll praise you endlessly, his kisses are long and passionate.

➮ Now…most of the time, he’s fast, somewhat rough and intense.

✶ J = Jerking Off

➮ He’s a fan. Whether you’re with him or not.

➮ Likes to jerk off over you as you sleep…I’m sorry.

✶ K = Kinks

➮ Hair pulling and choking. Both on him.

✶ L = Location (Their favorite place to do the do.)

➮ He’s really just a bedroom guy. Sometimes prefers you backwards on the couch, him standing behind you.

✶ M = Motivation (What turns them on?)

➮ As stated before, he likes his hair pulled. If the two of you are making out and you tug on his hair a little, it’s go time.

✶ N = No (Something they would never do.)

➮ No scat. No piss.

✶ O = Oral (Preference on giving and receiving.)

➮ He’ll definitely go down on you if you ask but won’t try to do it all the time.

➮ He does love blowjobs though, especially when they’re messy.

✶ P = Pace (Are they rough and fast or careful and gentle?)

➮ He’s fast, almost impatient.

➮ Unless it’s early in the morning, having just woke up, he’ll take it slow and easy.

✶ Q = Quickie

➮ BIG fan of quickies. If he’s got a few minutes, he’s pulling you away from whatever you’re doing.

✶ R = Risk (Do they experiment?)

➮ He really enjoys trying new things with you and himself. A very “I’ll try anything once.” kinda guy.

✶ S = Stamina (How long do they last?)

➮ He’s got a lot. Will get you off multiple times before he finishes even once.

✶ T = Toys (Do they use them? On you or themselves?)

➮ He has a small bag of various toys he keeps in his closet. Will pull them out every once in a while.

✶ U = Unfair (How much do they tease you?)

➮ He’s a big tease. Will work you up with his mouth and hands. Kisses on your neck and chest, his hands groping and squeezing on your body. Only to walk away and pretend nothing ever happened.

✶ V = Volume (How loud are they?)

➮ He’s very vocal, whether it’s moans and groans, grunts or general conversation he has you with you, he doesn’t try to keep quiet.

✶ W = Wild Card (Random head cannon.)

➮ As mentioned before, he loves jerking off over you as you sleep…so he also enjoys fucking you while you sleep as well. (Obviously the two of you talked about this beforehand.)

✶ X = X-Ray (What will we find under their clothes?)

➮ A tattoo on his hip and a couple on his legs.

✶ Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

➮ It’s high. Again, if he’s a got a couple minutes he’s using them to his advantage.

✶ Z = Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep after?)

➮ When he’s done cleaning you up, the second his head hits the pillow, he’s out. Loud snorer too.

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I have a lot of thoughts about this man y’all.

Feel free to request anything you’d like to see <3

K. Bye bye.

[malleablemusic]

the queen is dead - the smiths

i’ve never listened to the smiths, and have tried to avoid them my entire life as much as i can. i successfully avoided watching 500 days of dummer for 23 years before giving in and deciding i should experience it in order to form my own opinion without any preconceived notions. it’s safe to say i was not surprised by how much i disliked the film, which definitely doesn’t make me feel better about branching out now, but hopefully the smiths will not disappoint. as a disclaimer, these opinions are a practice in separating the art from the artist- i still hate morrissey as a human being. here are my notes:

the queen is dead: 3.3/5 stars

"oh, has the world changed or have i changed?" this hit harder than i expected it to

his voice is so unique and special, and i love that he acknowledges that with the line "she said, 'eh, i know, and you cannot sing'" and then to follow this up with a joke about his piano skills being worse is unfortunately iconic of him

obsessed with the voice cracks he allows himself to sing, specifically on "were" in the line "i swear to god i never knew what drugs were" because it adds such a youthful vulnerability

i love how he compares the inconvenience of his hair being messed up by the rain to "love, law, and poverty"

overall, i think the lyrics are fire, but i don't love the beat. the drums are very cool, but it's lacking in guitar/bass

frankly, mr. shankly: 3.6/5 stars

groovy fun beat that i enjoyed immediately

the way that he sings "fulfilled" and "mentally ill" to rhyme them scratches my brain

"flatulent pain in the ass" is an epic insult that i will now be adding to my vocabulary

i know it's over: 2.9/5 stars

soothing beat and singing voice

"loud loutish lover treat her kindly, though she needs you more than she loves you" felt like a slap to the face and made me gasp out loud

morrissey is so good at dragging himself, "then why are you on your own tonight?" ok ouch

"it takes guts to be gentle and kind" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beautiful lyrics but didn't stun or wow me, unfortunately boring

never had no one ever: 2/5 stars

wait was he 20 when he wrote this??

we get it morrissey, you are alone

this was very whiny and not in a hot way

cemetery gates: 3.8/5 stars

love the guitar so much

love the simplicity of this lyric, "they were born, and then they lived, and then they died / seems so unfair, i want to cry"

"'you say 'ere thrice the sun done salutation to the dawn' and you claim these words as your own" trying very hard not to be a misandrist here but it is so unrealistic for a man to have this experience and not the other way around LMAO

bigmouth strikes again: 4.3/5 stars

immediate banger

"sweetness i was only joking when i said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head" and "when i said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed" HUH???? what did he sayyyyyy

"and now I know how joan of arc felt" probably the best lyric I've ever heard, once again not sure a man could ever know what she felt but sure ok

obsessed with the high pitched echoing voice in the background

the boy with the thorn in his side: 2.6/5 stars

"behind the hatred there lies a plundering desire for love" i think in this song morrissey really gives himself away in that he confuses love for acceptance. he doesn't seem to wish to be loved by someone and acutally love them in return

hard to empathize with this song not gonna lie

i like the little scatting thing he does in the second half of the song

vicar in a tutu: 1.6/5 stars

in the least chronically online social justice warrior way possible i don't love how this song is just a big joke on how funny it would be if a man wore a typically feminine piece of clothing

dumb and stupid and not funny or entertaining (though i do love a good jab at the church)

there is a light that never goes out: 4.3/5 stars

another banger

the kind of song i want to scream out my car windows while speeding down a highway

is that a flute or recorder in the background? either way, so fun!

quintessential angst teen experience of driving around in your car

some girls are bigger than others: .1/5 stars

the opposite of going out with a bang

following a banger with a FLOP

the title made me flinch

what is the point of this song?? so so lame

didn't even want to finish the song, it just repeats the one stupid lyric "some girls are bigger than others"

overall, i did not hate the album as much as i anticipated! a few bangers to add to the playlist, but definitely a few flops. this album gets a 3.4/5 from me!

[daybreak-academy-fanfic]

Someone to Watch Out for You: Chapter 5

Someone Worth Fighting For

Summary: In which Ventus helps Sabrina solve a mystery in Wasteland. Word Count: 2,269 First | Previous | Next ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆ ⚬ ☆

"You're late."

Somehow, for some reason, Ven had thought his welcome would have been warmer than that. Sabrina had been waiting for Ven to arrive in Wasteland. Her outfit now was far more relaxed than what he had seen her in during the knighting. Which made sense- this was more of a house call than a formal social gathering. Something about her still made Ven's heart thrum a bit faster, though. He had to force it down. He was here as a knight, not a lovestruck moron.

"It's not very easy to travel the worlds with a single Star Shard, you know." he reminded her with a bit of bite to his words.

"Excuses." Sabrina huffed. "You have that armor of yours too. That resists darkness in the Lanes Between, does it not?"

"It does, but I think that's beside the point."

"Oh you think so?"

"Oh I know so."

Ven gave Sabrina a rather smart smirk, in return she scowled. That was when Ven noticed something gold colored next to her. He almost couldn't believe he hadn't seen it beforehand. For, you see, beside Sabrina was a large, round mechanical man Ven had never seen before. The thing was a little under their height, and hadn't so much moved since the duo started bickering at each other.

"What... Who is this?" Ven wondered out loud.

Sabrina let out a bemused scoff before placing a hand on top of the mechanical man.

"This is Tik-Tok." she told him. "Think of him as my guardian, or nanny."

"A plea-sure to meet you." the mechanical man said in a monotone cadence. The sudden voice with very little lip movement surprised Ven for a moment. "Are you Ven-tus? Dor-ro-thy talks a-bout you some-times. It is ver-ry... scat-tered."

"Dorothy?" Ven wondered, looking to Sabrina. "Who's Dorothy?"

For this, she shrugged. "I'm not his first charge."

"Gotcha." Ven nodded. With that settled, it was time to get to the matter at hand. "So what's the problem?"

Sabrina was the one to answer with a short, "Tik-Tok is."

"In-deed." Tik-Tok agreed in a motion that seemed akin to a nod. "I am not as fun-ction-al as I should be. It is scar-ry. I fear that I have been tam-pered with."

Sabrina's body tensed, folding her arms in annoyance.

"If someone messes with Tik-Tok, they mess with me." she told Ventus, punctuating it with dark glare and holding herself even tighter. "End of story."

Something about the idea was funny to Ven. He couldn't help but snort at it.

"I didn't know you could care so much about someone like that."

"Shows what you know, cousin."

                             And just like that, she shot him in the heart. It hurt a bit more than he had been expecting. Not that her calling him cousin was particularly new, not since their first meeting. But this was the third time they'd been face to face in the past few years. Could she really be that persistent with a cruel joke? She had to have been noticing how quickly his smiles turned to frowns when she called him that. She just                                                  had                                                  to.                    

"So where do we start?" Ven asked, hoping to divert his breaking heart to something more productive.

"The Lonesome Manor." Sabrina said.

"I have been do-ing work there re-cent-ly." Tik-Tok added. "Man-y of my mem-mor-ies be-come lost there. It is the com-mon var-ia-ble."

"Then let's get to it." Ven agreed with a nod.

Ventus and Sabrina took the train network in Wasteland to reach the Lonesome Manor. Ven took a bit too long staring at the old building. The thing about Wasteland was that it sat very close to the darkness, and you could feel it seeping through without too much effort. Places like the Lonesome Manor just made it even more apparent. A shiver crept up Ventus's spine as he crossed the main threshold. To his horror, Sabrina (who had marched in with no fear whatsoever and remained several paces ahead of him) turned around. She raised an eyebrow and studied him for a moment. Then a smirk etched itself onto her lips.

"Do you need to turn back, oh valiant knight?" she teased. "Not many can face the challenges within these walls."

"Get real." Ven huffed. Just to further prove himself, he pushed past her and started up the staircase. The amusement on Sabrina's face never faltered as she remained in her spot.

"Do you even know where you're going?" she asked him.

Ven immediately stopped in his tracks.

Sabrina laughed- an almost genuine one too. Ven couldn't tell if he was clenching his fists in annoyance or shock from hearing the laugh. When she walked past him on the staircase, he almost didn't notice. Giving a sigh of mild irritation, Ven followed behind her. He hoped this wouldn't be a vice any time soon.

The library Madame Leona resided in was on the manor's third floor. Likewise, the pedestal that held her was located near the back. A part of Ven wasn't surprised that Sabrina neglected to mention something rather important about Madame Leona- she was just a head suspended in a crystal ball. Not having his first reaction be shock would have saved some time.

"Hello Sabrina," Madame Leona greeted. A book that had been floating next to her pedestal flew back to a bookcase with ease. "I see you've brought company with you for a change. Ventus, yes?"

Ven jumped in surprise. "Y-yeah." he agreed. "How did you know?"

"I know many things through two methods," Leona informed him, "Clairvoyance, and the local gossip."

"And neither of them are accurate." Sabrina quickly spat.

Leona gave a curt nod. "Indeed. But that's not why you're here, is it?" The severed head then tilted her chin upwards. To Ventus she proclaimed, "You ran from your destiny, boy. Despite avoiding a decade's death, you will still be haunted by the hearts of those you left behind. The very stars will lose their lights before you are able to reunite with them."

"Leona!" Sabrina snapped. "We didn't come for a fortune cookie prediction!"

Leona scoffed. "It is an art, my princess." she spat in return. "An art of which you will never grasp in favor of the minute details."

"Tik-Tok is being treated like a tin can!" Sabrina shot back. Ven stared at her in both admiration and fear. "Tell me who's screwing with him!"

If Leona had a hand, she would have given it a callous wave.

"Screeching Sam is who you need to direct your ire to. Not me." she informed the girl. "He is currently occupying the ballroom below us. Oh, and be gentle with Ventus as well. Your hearts have very similar scars."

The look of absolute disgust on Sabrina's face was well shown in that moment. She didn't even bother looking at Ventus as she stormed out of the library. Ven took a mental note never to make her angry like that again.

. . .

"I take it you don't take Madame Leona's clairvoyance to heart?" Ventus ventured to ask as they worked their way to the ballroom.

"And if I did?" Sabrina questioned, making it sound more like a demand. "What good will it do to know my future instead of just living it?"

Ven gave a small chortle. It soon bubbled its way into a full laugh.

"You know," he mused, "I don't get you."

"Then it's a good thing you don't have to." was the sharp reply back. It only served to amuse Ven more.

He waited until they were closer to the ballroom before wondering, "What do you think Madame Leona meant when she said 'your hearts have similar scars'? She really is kinda batty to think that, huh? We don't really have much in common."

Sabrina stopped walking so suddenly, Ven almost ran into her. Her body went so still, he almost didn't know how to react first.

"Sabrina?" he carefully asked. "Are you alright?"

"We need a plan."

"Huh?"

Sabrina turned around and looked at Ven with determinate eyes.

“Screeching Sam won’t go down without a fight.” she told him. Her voice sounded just as determinate. “Since he and another ghost, Tedworth, play malicious pranks on each other, he must have some twisted reason for us to be here. We need to have a plan.”

Understanding a bit now, Ven took a step back in thought.

“You say he plays pranks with another ghost? I might be able to work with that.”

“So you have a plan?”

Ven looked at Sabrina and gave her a proud grin.

“How much do you trust me?” he cheekily asked.

“About as far as I can throw you.”

His grin only became more cunning as he declared, “Perfect.”

. . .

The Lonesome Manor’s ballroom would have been a beauty back in its heyday. Sabrina’s steps echoed as she crossed the room, almost stopping right in the center where the pipe organ lay.

“Come out Sam.” Sabrina shouted at the air. “I know what you did to Tik-Tok and you know I have something to say about it. Let’s make this easier on both of us, got it?”

“Naw, are you the only one that came?” a ghostly voice resounded through the air. “Way to ruin all the fun, princess.”

A second more and the ghost in question appeared a foot away from Sabrina. Sabrina, in return, didn’t look very amused.

“Gee,” Sam then went on to whine, “I just wanted to get the two of ya in the room together for a little experiment, see? Who knew tracking down a knight from a completely different kingdom would be such a pain in the ghostly rear! Haha!”

Sabrina’s face went from annoyance to a disgusted confusion.

“What does a knight from another kingdom have to do with anything?” she questioned.

“Well, ain’t it obvious?” Sam countered right back. “It’s because the two of ya are-”

Screeching Sam was cut off suddenly when a little whirlwind picked him up and started to shunt him around the room. The ghost hollered and screamed to be let go, but no one came to his rescue. When the whirlwind started to slow down, it went over to a curved vase and shoved both itself and Sam inside. Ven was the one to put a cork on the vase.

“I don’t know who you are, but this ain’t funny!” Sam shouted from inside the vase, feeling that Ven was picking it up. “Let me outta here now!”

“Not until you promise to never pick on Tik-Tok again.” Ven said. He even gave the vase a small shake, just to get Sam’s attention.

“What’s that? I can’t hear ya!” Sam called back out. “Tedworth, is that you? Look, I’m sorry I ripped your teddy bear, but I mean it! Lemme out and I’ll make it up to you!”

Ven gave the vase another hard shake. Instead of letting Sam out, he gave Sabrina a tentative side glance. This was her choice- not his. When Sabrina gave the go ahead, Ven almost felt bad that they couldn’t keep Sam in there longer. Sam came bursting out of the bottle like a genie being freed from its lamp.

“Hey!” Sam loudly declared once he got a good look at Ven. “You’re that knight over at Disney Castle! I knew that little charade would work!”

“A charade that involved tampering a mechanical man without his knowledge?” Ven questioned with a cock of his eyebrow.

“Of course!” Sam agreed without a hint of shame. “See, I placed money on a little fight between you and Sabrina. But in order to win, I gotta get you two in the same room first! So I used Tik-Tok, knowing he’s important to Sabrina and all, and made it so bad that they had to call for outside help. Which means, I won’t stop messin’ with the tin can unless I get my money’s worth of it.”

Ven made a face of disgust. “We’re not going to-”

“Fine.” Sabrina agreed, cutting him off. “If you want to make a betting ring, then let’s get it over with.”

The headstrong girl stepped forward and held her hand out in front of her. In a bright flash of light, a weapon appeared in her hand. It took Ven to recognize the basic shape, and when he did, he was once more in wonder. Held tight within Sabrina’s hand was a primarily purple, white, and dark pink Keyblade known as Crown of Guilt. Once more, Ven considered that each time he found something out about her, the more interesting she seemed to be.

What he said out loud to all of this was a dumbfounded, “How long have you had a Keyblade?”

Sabrina gave a callous shrug in return. “I don’t know.” she admitted. “For about as long as I remember?” She gave him a glance up before adding, “Why? Already prepared to fault?”

Ven’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t tell if it was from her, or the challenge at hand. Putting on a bemused grin, he soon pulled out his own Keyblade.

“Of course not,” he said. “I’ll try to go easy on you. Just so I can get a handle on how good you are.”

“That only means you’re holding back.” Sabrina countered. “And nothing is more annoying than someone who underestimates his opponent!”

And with that, the duo clashed with a full audience of ghosts cheering them on. Best of all, they put on such a show with their fighting, none of the ghosts ever thought to bother poor Tik-Tok ever again.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

I am challenging all of you lovely people to write the most remarkable, fabulous, amazing, wonderful crossover you can imagine.

For this challenge, you will write a crossover fic featuring the MCU + one other fandom of your choice. This can include placing MCU characters in another universe, or bringing together characters from different fandoms in a single AU, or introducing characters from another fandom into the MCU itself. This is about creativity so feel free to get weird.

There are no limitations regarding fandoms, popular or niche, whatever, doesn’t matter. However, I have a few things I won’t accept for the challenge.

No underage, no incest, no scat/watersports, no beastiality, no animal death or abuse, no ddlg or infantilization. Please tag appropriately as a writer and readers, please mind the warnings.

The fics for this challenge are expected to be dark with smut optional but heavily encouraged. Tag all works with #darkcrossoverchallenge.

DEAD LINE: DECEMBER 31, 2021 (flexible)

You can choose from the following dialogue (two writers per prompt and only one per writer). Please submit your choice here (there will be an option for a first a second choice to account for any overlaps):

Prompts:

“I’m going to mark you up so they know how bad you are.”

“Better say it louder, honey, I might just start to care.”

“I don’t remember asking.” @lokislastlove

“This isn’t about you so sit down and shut up!”

“Did you really think you could be a fucking tease and get away with it?” @disturbedbydesign

“I told you to get on the bed, don’t make me take you outside.” @nekoannie-chan​

“Now! I won’t wait any longer.” @boxofbonesfic

“You know you’re in trouble, right?” @x-ladyathena-x

“That collar means you’re mine. It means you don’t look at or talk to anyone else.” @sinceimetyou @harper-emory-writes

“Say it again. I dare you.”

“The louder you scream, the harder I’ll spank/fuck you.”

“Did you just tell me to stop?” @onlyjamesbarnes

“A brat like you only understands one thing.” @barbersbrat

“This isn’t a negotiation.” @buckys-left-middle-finger

“You don’t get off without me.”

“You still feel it, don’t you? Even when I’m not inside of you.” @thefalconthatcriedwolf

“How does a naughty little thing like you look so sweet?” @floatingdaisy7

“You’ve been good, so you can choose which hole I use.” @@darksideofthecocoamoon

“Smile for the camera, sweetheart.”

“You can crawl.”

“We agreed, no touching.”

“These are my friends and friends share.” @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @ambrosiase

“I don’t remember telling you to wear panties.”

“Sit in my lap and feel what you do to me.”

“I didn’t say you could cum.”

“I’m on break, get under the desk.”

“Show them how good you can be.” @slothspaghettiwrites

“You feel it, huh? The room’s spinning, you’re confused, you can’t even move.” @git-it-got-it-good

“I’m not jealous. I just don’t like sharing.”

“I hope we get caught.”

“I can see you right now… I like [colour], it looks nice on you.”

“Don’t fight it, it’ll only get worse.”@munstysmind

“Sit on it and don’t move.”

“We’re on a break, we didn’t break up.” @saiyanprincessswanie​

“We have a deal, I paid, so now it’s your turn.”

“Everyone’s asleep, they won’t know.” @gotnofucks

“Funny that you think I won’t find you.” @silver-tongued-bby

“I don’t care if you’re having fun, I am.”

“I don’t like you, I like using you.” @wadcwilson

“Where do you think you’re going?” @winter-soldier-101 @alicewonderao3

PLEASE USE THE FORM, NOT MY ASK BOX AS I DON’T WANT TO MISS ANY RESPONSES.

[actuallysaiyan]

Okay I just finished devouring your masterlist 😩🌊 But could I please have a Madara NSFW alphabet? Or Itachi? It's up to you but... 👀 (I just need the Uchiha men 🥲)

A/N: Awhh I’m so glad you enjoy my writing! I decided on Itachi for the time being, as someone else requested Madara ;) so look out for that one very soon, because I love the Uchiha men a lot too. There will be lots of Uchiha men content on this blog, that I can assure you!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Itachi is soft and caring, and he’ll clean you up and make sure you’re okay. He’ll bring a washcloth and softly clean up the mess the two of you have created. He’ll run you a bath if you’d like, and he’ll wash you and massage you. Then he’s going to tuck you into bed and snuggle closely.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Itachi isn’t very picky. He likes his body just fine, and while his sharingan is amazing, it can be a curse sometimes. Maybe it’s his hair. It’s something that he’s always prided himself in, even if it’s just something that is naturally beautiful for him.

Itachi is a sucker for pretty eyes and a kind smile. He loves watching the way sunlight hits his lover's eyes in just the way possible. He could spend forever just looking deeply into your eyes. And your smile is a reminder of how beautiful the world can be.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Itachi, like the rest of the Uchiha men, has a breeding kink. He gets very weak about cumming deep inside of you. But he’ll never do it without your permission. He’s going to make sure you’re okay with this before he does it. If you let him do it, he’s going to be so happy to share such an intimate moment with you.

For you, Itachi loves to make you cum as much as he can. He doesn’t always have all the time in the world to spend with you, but when he does get some free time, he loves making you cum so he can watch you come undone. It’s so sexy to him.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Itachi fantasizes a lot about you cumming on his cock. He spends a lot of time without you, so he just thinks about it at night when he’s lying in bed. It makes his cock so hard when he can imagine you bouncing up and down on it, and you’re moaning his name and he’s just so in awe. He really enjoys this alone time in his own mind.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Itachi has no experience prior to you, so you need to teach him a few things. He learns very fast and becomes an expert in no time. He knows your body and he knows how to treat you, so it doesn’t take long for him to know exactly where to touch you to have you panting and begging him to make you cum.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Itachi loves missionary or anything involving you being so close to him. He wants to hold you in his arms while he thrusts into you so slowly and sensually. He also loves the om position(you on his lap) and he’s a big fan of the spooning position too. Sometimes he loves lazy sex so he’ll get behind you and just thrust into you so slowly.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s not funny at all in the moment. He loves to be sensual and romantic with you, so he’ll praise you and call you cute pet names. Itachi wants you to know that you are well loved and that he enjoys every moment he spends with you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s got some hair down there, but it’s pretty well maintained. He likes to keep himself clean shaven or at least well trimmed. The carpet does match the drapes of course, it’s very dark and black, but it’s not super coarse. It’s nice and fluffy.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Itachi is so romantic. He loves to kiss and caress you all over, and he’ll praise you. He wants you to know how much he loves you. You mean the world to him, and he needs you to know it in case something bad happens to him. He’ll hold you close and whisper sweet little nothings in your ear as he thrusts so slowly and sensually.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Itachi masturbates regularly when he can’t be with you. It goes hand in hand with his fantasies about you. He’ll use his hand and he likes to take it slow and draw it out like he does with sex. He’ll start to think of you at night when he’s alone and one thing leads to another, and then he’s pumping into his hand and moaning your name.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Itachi definitely has a breeding kink. It’s very strong within him, as he wishes to have his own family. He longs for that happy life. Itachi also loves spanking, dominating you(but he can switch too) and he loves marking you(so biting, choking, bruising a little). He’ll never get too rough with you, but he does love leaving little love bites and little bruises from where he grabs onto you when he fucks you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He’s a big fan of doing it in private on a bed. He gets all the time to draw out sex this way. If not, he knows it’s okay to have quickies in places that could potentially get you caught. Itachi is willing to risk that, but he’d rather fuck on a bed. He loves bathtub sex as well, as you can just be warm together and the water makes everything so much more fluid and it feels so good this way.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He needs to hear you say it. He loves it if you lean in towards him and whisper “I want you in me,” in his ear. If you start to rub his thigh and his chest, he’ll be pretty turned on. He also loves it if you start to get a little cheeky, so maybe if you bend over while wearing a short skirt or just flaunting your tits in his face a little.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Itachi will never do anything that will hurt you for real. He’s okay with some pain during sex as long as you are consenting, but he’ll never hurt you for real. He’s also not huge on urine play or scat, as he hates the idea of desecrating you. You’re beautiful, and he can just paint you with his seed instead ;)

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Itachi is very weak for blow jobs. If you get on your knees and take his cock out of his pants and just start sucking him off, he’s going to cry out and tug on your hair a little. He loves it when you look up at him through your lashes while you deep throat him. He needs to stop himself from cumming right then and there.

He’s also a huge fan of going down on you. He’ll spend so much time between your thighs, just lapping at your juices and watching your reactions to the different techniques and speeds he uses. He’s very good at reading your body.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s almost always slow and sensual, but some nights he’s feeling a bit more hungry for sex. He’ll pound into you and make you scream his name, all while squirting all over him. He wants you to feel good, and he usually puts your pleasure above his own, but some nights he needs that release. He’ll always tell you beforehand. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

They aren’t his favorites, but he knows sometimes that’s all the time he has with you. He’ll lead you to an empty closet or something like that, and he’ll pick you up so you can wrap your legs around him. Then he pumps himself into you and tries to challenge himself to see how quickly he can make you cum.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Itachi is game to experiment, but he needs to know you are willing to try new things before he does anything. He’s excited about trying new positions or new techniques, but he loves to hear your input on things as well. He knows you’ve got some good ideas, so he wants to use them.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He’s got amazing stamina. He can last a very long time, and he needs very little rest between rounds. He’ll fuck you all through the night and then some in the morning if you can keep up with him.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He’s into toys, but he loves using them more on you than using them on himself. He’s a little vanilla sometimes with sex, but if you want to use a vibrator on his cock while you make out with him, he’s not going to complain. He loves it when you take charge and use toys on him to make him realize how good they are.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Itachi doesn’t mind teasing from time to time, but it takes barely anything for him to melt at your pleading. He loves making you cum and pleasing you, so teasing you isn’t always in his plans. But he also loves the pathetic looks and noises you make when he edges you for so long. It’s worth it when you finally cum hard.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not very quiet, but he isn’t super loud either. He loves to moan and make noise because it really feels so good. He’s not embarrassed about letting you know that he’s having a good time too.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Itachi loves it if you push his face into your tits while you’re riding him. He loves how soft and warm they are and he’ll kiss them and suck on your nipples and it’s honestly something that will probably make him cum so fast! If you want him to cum quickly, just bury his face in your tits.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s lean but muscly, and he’s very well built. His cock is very long, and has a nice girth. It’s not very thick, but still good for stretching you out. It’s probably about 9 inches and has a very slight curve to hit that sweet spot.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He has a normal sex drive. He loves having sex with you when he can, but he’s busy and he knows it can’t take over his whole life. Don’t worry, he won’t ignore you if you have needs that need to be met. He’ll take good care of you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

A long time. He loves to relish in the moment of just holding you in his arms and how peaceful everything is when you’re just there sleeping. You help keep him calm and comforted.

[beneathstarryskies]

Hi lovely! Only if you are still doing them, but could I please request a NSFW alphabet for Madara Uchiha? 😊 thank you!

Madara Uchiha x Fem!Reader NSFW Alphabet

(Smutty goodness under the cut)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Madara can be a bit distant after sex. If things got particularly rough (and they usually do) he’ll tell you how good you were for him. After that, he kind of likes to be loved on a bit. 

Sex can be a very vulnerable act, and Madara can get a little overwhelmed because he’s not someone who is used to feeling vulnerable. Just let him lay his head on your chest while you play with his hair and listen to him talk quietly about what’s going through his mind.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His eyes of course. They’re powerful and he can use them to memorize every inch of you. Not to mention they heighten his experience because he becomes so much more aware of your movements and reactions. 

On his partner, it’s probably a tie between the hips and hands. He loves gripping onto your hips and guiding you against him. He also really just enjoys feeling your hands all over him whether your touches are gentle or rougher. He can’t choose, and honestly, he wouldn’t entertain such a silly topic even if you asked. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Madara definitely wants to cum inside you. This stems from the fact that he’s got a super strong breeding kink. He’s a little bit obsessed with filling you with his seed then staying inside of you to make sure none of it drips out. If a single drop spills out he’ll be like, “So wasteful. Looks like we have to start again.” 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He wants to have a threesome with you and Hashirama really badly. Once he’s super comfortable, he may mention it to you. If you’re not into it, he would never force you to do it. It’s just something he’d be really curious about, and maybe even consider a polyamorous relationship. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s definitely got some experience. Mostly super casual and not exactly intimate. A one-night stand or quickie here and there. He’s learned a bit about what to do to please a partner, but in the past, he hasn’t actually cared much. Once he’s committed, he’ll have to learn how to be intimate. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

In general, he prefers positions where he’s dominant. Even if you’re on top he’s gonna be holding onto you and taking charge. Doggy style might be his favorite. He’ll have one hand on your hips guiding you on his cock while the other hand is buried in your hair. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Madara doesn’t have much of a sense of humor. Sometimes you might find him amusing because he can be a little bratty if things aren’t going his way, but he wouldn’t be funny on purpose. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Madara isn’t super hairy. He has a dark line of hair leading into his pants to a nicely groomed patch of dark hair. He is very prideful about his appearance. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Madara can be a mixed bag when it comes to intimacy. He can be a little distant at times, especially when the relationship is new. Just holding you down and pounding into you without much affection attached. 

However, he does become more intimate once his feelings for you grow. In fact, he becomes downright passionate once he realizes he loves you. He’ll cling onto you and press kisses (and bites) to every inch of your skin. He’ll also become more vocal with praising you. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Madara doesn’t masturbate very much. He has a lot of self-control, and would rather just wait until he can actually just have a proper fuck. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding kink is his absolute number one kink. Nothing turns him on more than fucking you and telling you how he’s going to fill you up with all of his cum. He’s also big into dominating you. Spanking, degradation, blindfolds, and bondage all come into play here. Overstimulation and edging both are things Madara is super into, and they often will come into play in tandem. He’ll edge you for ages until you’re begging him to let you cum. Then he’ll overstimulate you until you’re crying. 

Madara will sprinkle some praise in there as well to remind you that no matter how much he talks shit during sex, he does really love you. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom is his favorite place because he can really take his time with you. He’s not always that picky though. Sometimes if you’re both out and about and you start being bratty, he’s not above dragging you into the nearest alleyway and teaching you a lesson. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

When you’re being kind of a brat, he wants to teach you a lesson. If you wear a cute little outfit in front of other people and he notices others looking at you, he’ll definitely want to remind you who you belong to. The thought of having kids with you gets him going pretty easily too. 

Deep down, Madara is kind of touch starved as fuck. If you show him any kind of affection, he will absolutely be weak. He won’t admit it, of course. The softer the affection the more it turns him on. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There’s not a lot that Madara wouldn’t do. Just like everyone, he has his limits. He wouldn’t be into ageplay, scat, or piss. He might get turned on by a bit of pain and seeing you cry when he’s overstimulating you, but he would never want to actually harm you in any way. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He doesn’t actually have much of a preference. He enjoys both equally for different reasons. You having your mouth wrapped around his cock while he guides you and fucks your face is amazing. 

However, he also loves going down on you. He’s very good at it and can have you tinkering on the edge of climax in minutes. He loves the control he has over you in that moment. The way you tug on his hair and beg him to let you cum. He could stay between your thighs like that for hours. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He can switch the pace up pretty easily. It just depends on his mood. Sometimes he wants to be rough with you and have you begging for him to give you a break. Other times he just wants to take his time to kiss you all over and fuck you slowly. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He’s very open to quickies, and it is a pretty common occurrence in your relationship. When Madara wants you, he wants you as soon as possible and wherever you can find privacy. He’s not picky about that. 

Especially if he gets jealous. He has to have you as soon as possible to remind you (and kind of himself) that you’re his.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is absolutely game to experiment and take risks. (Especially if that risk could involve getting caught by Hashirama and him maybe joining.)

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last as long as he wants. Madara is very good with edging himself and has a lot of self-control during sex. He is able to go at least three rounds if he wants. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Cuffs, ropes, blindfolds. Maybe a gag, but he won’t use it much because he likes hearing you beg. Maybe if you’re being too mouthy. 

He’d much rather be the one using them, but if you play your cards right you might be able to finesse your way into using them on him. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Madara is the biggest fucking tease in the whole world. He just loves hearing you beg and the more desperate you are (especially if you cry) the more he enjoys it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He is pretty loud. Letting his moans of pleasure come out without much regard for if anyone might hear him. He also talks a lot during sex, and the things he’ll say will be inconsistent. One moment he’s telling you what a desperate little slut you are and then the next thing that falls out of his mouth is that you’re a good girl taking his cock so well. 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Madara really just loves boobs a lot. After sex he’ll often want to snuggle up against you and put his head on your chest. During foreplay, he’ll spend a lot of time kissing and massaging them. He’ll tease your nipples with his mouth. He just really loves boobs, and he doesn’t even care about the size. Big tits, small tits, tits somewhere in between. They’re all good to Madara. 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Madara has a pretty big cock. Around 8 ½ inches and super thick. If you’re not super experienced beforehand, he’ll definitely have to ease it into you. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Madara has a super high sex drive, especially when things get serious enough for the possibility of having kids to come into the mix. He’s a little prideful, so he won’t admit how often he yearns for you. But he definitely does. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t tend to fall asleep super easily after sex. In general, he doesn’t sleep much. So he’ll probably lay beside you for a long time just listening to you breathe or the two of you talking nonsense until you fall asleep.

A/N: Thank you for the request!

[jaskiers-lutkulele-of-sex]

cw scat

wow i loved what you did with the movie nights prompt thank you, the desperation part is what I like tapping into too. you mentioned an au where Steve is the gas station worker where Eddie goes and now I have thoughts about that too:

Eddie works at the factory an hour outside of town, he has bad eating habits and lots of stomach issues in general, especially during long car rides. Once he gets off work, he always has to stop at this gas station about 30 minutes into the drive and use the bathroom.

Steve expects Eddie around the same time every day. He felt bad for the guy, how he was always rushing in, walking funny and sweating and clearly close to losing it. Steve would always hurry to give him the bathroom key. He starts making sure to keep the key in the same spot to have it ready for Eddie, not delay him at all. They always talk after Eddie's done, Steve's openly bi and he knows he's developing a crush and he can tell Eddie flirts back with him.

Then one day, Steve misplaces the key. It's only for a minute, but there's something about the shear desperation that Eddie has, worrying he won't be able to go at all, or that maybe he'll just go right there in his pants. There's something about the neediness in his voice saying, "Oh fuck, oh please Steve, please find it, I've gotta go." That's when it becomes a thing for Steve, he gets hard in his jeans on the spot, finds the key and makes sure to keep his crotch hidden. He doesn't understand why it turned him on so much, feels guilty and gross, but has the best orgasm of his life behind the counter that day, coming into a napkin, jerking off to the sounds of Eddie in the bathroom.

The next day Eddie comes in, Steve doesn't know why he lies, the key is in the place he always keeps it but he tells Eddie he lost it. Just for a minute, not anything cruel. But it's so worth it. Eddie's so desperate, leaning over the counter, twisting his legs and doing this helpless little wiggle, groaning and making these strained soft noises, telling Steve, "I've gotta go so bad, come on, please." Steve's so hard his hand is shaking when he finally gives Eddie the key, does the same thing again and again and again.

Then one day, Steve decides to take it a step further. He really likes Eddie, he's positive that if he asked him out Eddie would say yes, and sometimes he feels like Eddie knows. Like he knows that the key is always in the same spot, never lost, and he knows the sick little game Steve is playing and he's... just going along with it. Really playing it up for Steve, begging and groaning and even whining until Steve is good and hard behind the counter. So, Steve takes it further.

When Eddie comes running in that day, Steve says the bathroom is getting repaired, it will only take a short while for the plumber to finish. Eddie's so needy and on the brink already, whining to Steve that he really has to go, so Steve leads him to the back stockroom, tells Eddie maybe they could just take his mind off of how bad he needs to go. Eddie asks how and Steve reaches out, brushes the hair from his sweaty forehead, touches his face gently and Eddie shivers. Steve leans in, gives Eddie time to pull away, he doesn't, so Steve kisses him.

It's so nice, feeling the little groans and gasps Eddie makes against his lips, getting his arms around Eddie and feeling how he's squirming and straining, how his stomach rumbles against Steve. Still, he tells Steve it hurts so bad, he has to go, so Steve distracts him more. His hand slides down, finding that Eddie's as hard in his jeans as Steve is, starts jerking Eddie off slowly, reaching around to feel the way he's clenching his cheeks. Steve asks if he can look, wants to spread Eddie's cheeks and watch him turtlenecking and trying to hold it in.

It's clear then that it's a thing for both of them, because Eddie agrees. Being able to see it makes Steve so horny, humping against Eddie's hip while he watches. The closer Eddie gets to coming, the further he keeps doming, the harder it is to pull back in, he's fucking himself into Steve's fist and whining against Steve's neck, "Gotta go so bad, Steve, it's so much," and Steve presses a kiss to his temple and says, "It's okay, just let it out, Eddie, you're okay." And when Eddie comes, he fills his pants and Steve watches, and comes inside his own from the sight.

-🎱

love it love it love it, perfect as is, so let me give you the tables-turned day, where Eddie gets a turn on the other side-

this could be a double-desperation, where the restrooms are Genuinely nonfunctional (in which case Eddie, now with tacit permission to visit the stock room takes the opportunity to, like, shit in a bucket or smth), or it's just been awkwardly busy? and steve's on shift by himself, maybe even a double- covering for he person who should have been working earlier, and he can't exactly close shop, not when folks are coming through for gas... and so steve is the desperate one, for once.

Eddie takes care of his own needs, and then comes back to find Steve looking at him, not with lust so much as envy and Steve admits that he pissed in a bottle earlier, and that was fine then, but now he's about to pop, and he's gotta, he can't wait, but this is not gonna be quick, and-

and another customer comes in.

Finally Eddie's like... I can look after the counter for you? just show me how... and Steve is like, pretty torn... but he can't make it the next two hours, he knows he can't, and if he closes up as long as he's gonna need to, someone will definitely be calling the owner to complain, and that's him fired...

so.

So he shows eddie how to add money to the pump, how to ring a purchase through, and which key opens the tobacco products cage, shimmys out of his vest, and fuckin books it for the bathroom.

like 20+ minutes later, a bit shaky, damp with sweat, and fucking relieved, he slinks back in to see Eddie in his vest, eating a snickers, and amicably chatting with a customer as he charges her purchases.

"You have a nice night there, Stevie." she says, patting him on the hand as she leaves.

"Oh I will!" Eddie responds, catching steve's eye across the room.

"I'm still on for another... hour and a half?" Steve says, coming behind the counter, and holding his hand out for his vest.

"And what are the chances you don't have to go again before your shift it over?"

Steve's guts give an audible grumble in response.

"I'll stick around for the show." eddie concludes.

[demi-shoggoth]

2021 Reading Log, pt 12

55a. Smells by Robert Muchembled, translated by Susan Pickford. The library system picked this out when I put a reserve on Nose Dive: A Field Guide to the World’s Scents, and it’s been in queue through holds for six months or more. Hoo boy was it not worth it. This is the only book I’ve started this year I might recommend to people who want to read a bad book. I have too many things from the library to want to spend more time with this than the 40 pages that I invested, but it is a trip. The thesis of the book is that in Early Modern Europe, the smell of feces was seen as neutral, or even erotic, until the Counter-Reformation made the human body sinful. And something something miasma theory. It is a bonkers claim, made all the more apparent by how little evidence the author has. Most of his “evidence” is either willful misinterpretations or just plain invented, and his timeline doesn’t even work in the context of his own claims. The book comes across as a scat fetishist trying to justify their kink through historical precedent. This makes it wild that this book was originally written in French. To write a terrible book is a common enough accomplishment, but to ensure that it gets translated and published in multiple languages is a special act of hubris.

56. Metazoa by Peter Godfrey-Smith. This book bridges the gap between biology and philosophy of science, which is not territory I often enter. Appropriately for such a heady book, it is about the evolution of the mind, and the mind-body problem as a whole. Godfrey-Smith’s claim is a gradualist, materialist one; the mind evolved as animals evolved, and that multiple branches of the animal family tree have arisen in experience-having life. I am comfortable with saying that animals are capable of some form of consciousness, and the idea that consciousness is a spectrum rather than an on/off condition appeals to me. One thing that struck me as unusual based on my background is that there’s a word for how animals perceive the world—umvelt—that the author never uses, even though he uses plenty of other terminology. Perhaps he has philosophical beef with the creators of that concept, but he makes reference to plenty of other positions he disagrees with in whole or in part. Maybe as a philosopher first and biologist second, he’s unaware of some of the other people who have tread down this path from the biology side.

57. Testosterone Rex by Cordelia Fine. This book came to me as a result of following bibliography trails—it is cited several times in Phallacy. Which makes sense, as they’re both feminist evolutionary biology books with an axe to grind against the entrenched sexism of “evolutionary psychology”. Fine focuses primarily on human behavior, and does a lot of legwork to demonstrate that testosterone is not the be-all and end-all of shaping human behavior, and that the concept of a “male brain” and “female brain” is a gross oversimplification at best and an outright fabrication at worst. Plus, it’s very funny, and a breezy read.

58. The Zoologist’s Guide to the Galaxy by Arik Kershenbaum. I wasn’t super keen on this book for the first chapter or two, but it grew on me, and I ended up enjoying it quite a bit. The premise skips a lot of the usual exobiology to focus on, “if we do find complex life on other planets, what would it be like?” Which is really just a way of discussing some universals of Earth’s evolution and using aliens to sell it to a wider audience. Kershenbaum does a good job of simplifying difficult topics like kin selection and game theory for a lay audience. The book actually ended up overlapping a lot with Metazoa, talking about the importance of senses, movement, communication to animal life. Unlike some other popular science authors who use science fiction as a rhetorical device, Kershenbaum seems to actually like and understand it. In addition to the usual reference drops of little green men and Star Trek, he talks a lot about Fred Hoyle’s The Black Cloud, the proto-gray-goo story “Crabs on the Island” and other relatively deep cuts.

59. The Incredible Journey of Plants by Stefano Mancuso, translated by Gregory Conti. Pleasant enough, I guess. But very short. This book is about plant dispersal and survival, how they are able to manipulate animals and ride the wind and waves to travel around the world. Most of the book is short anecdotes about specific species, or even individuals. I don’t get the illustrations, though. The book is full of watercolors by Grisha Fischer, of maps where the landmasses are leaves or stems and the place names are all those of plants, seemingly picked at random. They have nothing to do with the text, and only seem to pad out an already short book.

60. Ripped from the Headlines! by Harold Schechter. This is a series of short true crime stories, all of which inspired or were adapted into movies. There is some fat-phobic and transphobic language, which is unpleasant, but it is otherwise a pleasant read. Albeit about very unpleasant material. Schechter is one of the less prurient true crime writers out there, covering the details of the cases without wallowing in atrocity. One thing I found amusing is that the book is blithely unafraid to spoil any and all of the movies it covers, except for two. Only Murder on the Orient Express and Scream have their endings unexposed.

[trashyswitch]

Oh For Fox Sake!

Michael didn't expect to be given a completely separate job besides the technician job he signed up for in Circus Baby's Pizza World. Now he's sitting in an office with animatronics hunting them down. One of the animatronics happens to be another foxy abbreviation. But this one...gives him many mixed emotions...

This fanfic was suggested by an anonymous person on Tumblr. Whoever you are: I hope you enjoy!

Also, I had no clue what gender to make Lolbit. So, I just gave Lolbit the pronouns they/them/it and followed it throughout. Please let me know if I mistyped anywhere! I'll try to fix it right away.

Michael was sitting in the small private office that had been hidden in the side of one of the PizzaPlex’s auditoriums. He had been working at the Pizzeria as a technician, and was just now given a few security guard shifts. This office was surprisingly a little bigger than the vents. It was also much more darker, and had PizzaPlex merchandise hidden on the table. It even had a black fan roaring away on the desk. Learning from general online rumors, every office that was built within every building made by Fazbear Entertainment, would have Fazbear merchandise and a fan. Some person named [Fitz-coward] on a public chat room called it the ‘Fazfan’. A few other people had given their own opinion on the ‘fazfan’ and even made jokes about it. It was kinda funny at first. But now that it had relevance on a personal level, it actually made sense.

It’s amazing what a few bouts of curiosity will lead you to find…And those poor guys...They’ve probably dealt with so much fear after that job.

Michael checked the tablet and checked the cameras that were available to him. He had to keep an eye on a couple specific animatronics such as Ennard, Funtime Freddy with tiny Bonbon, and Lolbit. Michael hadn’t even heard of Lolbit until this point. Who in the heck was Lolbit?! Only when he saw the orange animatronic staring at him through the hall camera, did he get his answer. It looked to be a twin version of Funtime Foxy. But was it Foxy’s brother? Or sister? What gender even was it? Now that he thought about it: What gender is Foxy?!

Michael heard sounds coming from the left hallway, and noticed that Lolbit was back with its jaw open and ready to crush. Michael bit his lip and closed the door on it. Out of this room! Begone! Scat! Leeeeaaave! He was not in the mood for Lolling around.

Hehehe...Lolling…

Michael looked at the hallways and groaned. Ennard’s broken body was on his way too. Wonderful… Michael kept his hand on the open door and made sure to leave some time to close it on the evil monstrosity. Michael looked over at the other hallway, and noticed that Lolbit was gone. So closed went the right door, and open went the left. Ennard was now locked out, and Lolbit was long gone.

Michael smiled and checked the right door to make sure Ennard was unable to get in. When he was sure, Michael relaxed slightly.

One thing Michael noticed was just how quickly the day seemed to be going. It was already 3:30 and the animatronics were being at least a little more behaved. It’s weird and usually worrisome whenever he does anything involving the animatronics. Whether it’s a loving animatronic like Funtime Freddy and BonBon, or a vengeful animatronic like Ennard, Michael didn’t wanna have anything to do with either. He’s seen enough of the animatronics behaviour to say “I’m out”.

And yet...here he was: back at it again with more shifts.

Hearing sounds, Michael closed the left door again. But suddenly, an ear-deafening bang overwhelmed Michael’s ears.

A few seconds later, another loud bang went off.

...And another.

One last bang filled his pain-filled ears as the huge metal door he closed earlier, started to fall in front of him. Michael shrieked and covered his ears, watching in horror as the huge door came crashing down just inches in front of him. Michael was visibly shaking from the super loud noises. His ears were ringing as well. It was like a gun just went off beside his ear multiple times!

Just as the metal sound slowly stopped echoing throughout the room, some loud and boyish laughter filled the office. “HOHAHAHAHAha! Now I bet you weren’t ex-xpecting ME, now WERE you? OhOHOHOhahaha!” a manic voice asked.

Michael widened his eyes in horror as he scooted to the corner of the room. “No...NO!”

“Oh YES! HAHAHAHAhah! You-u RECOGNIZE ME! DONTCHA?” They asked.

Michael grabbed his flashlight and started flashing it nonstop into the animatronic’s eyes. “Get out of here! This is MY private spot!”

Lolbit walked closer and hit the flashlight right out of his hands. “Su-Such a BAAABY…” Lolbit muttered out loud. “Hmmm...Maybe try ha-A-A-arder next time! HAHAhaHAHAHaha!” It suggested.

“I DID try harder! YOU’RE the one who broke the door down!” Michael argued.

The animatronic looked down and chuckled awkwardly. “O-Oh yeah! I forgot about tha-A-at!” It reacted.

Michael sighed. “Just please Lolbit...Go.”

The animatronic smiled and walked closer and closer to Michael just to spite him. “Since WHE-E-EN could you tell ME what to do? You’ve got qui-I-I-ite the NERVE!” Lolbit reacted.

“Yeah, I do! And I learned it on my own, thank you very much.” Michael added.

“My My! Such a ta-A-A-alker! I wonder: Does that mo-0-O-outh of yours have a benefit?” Lolbit asked.

“Sometimes. I could use it to lead you away so that I don’t end up dying tonight.” Michael reworded.

“HAhahahAHAHAha! Be ca-A-areful what you wi-I-I-ish for~!” Lolbit teased.

Michael raised an eyebrow.

Lolbit knelt down and picked up Michael by the armpits. Michael shrieked in horror and quickly started wiggling and fighting it. “HEY! GET OFF ME! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!” Michael shouted.

“Haaaaa...And what will you do-O-O if I DON’T?” Lolbit asked with a sly voice.

“I’ll-I’ll tickle you!” Michael shot back without even properly thinking.

Lolbit widened its eyes and stared at Michael.

“Y-Yeah! I’ll do it! I’m not afraid to tickle you!” Michael added, adding wiggling fingers as he went along with it. “Unless you’re not ticklish…”

Lolbit stared off into the space within Michael’s eyes, and only blinked once out of awkwardness...Then, the fox full on dropped Michael where he was. Michael grunted as he landed on his butt onto the slightly dusty ground.

“Ow…” Michael muttered. “Wait, really?” Michael reacted suddenly. Lolbit turned right around and started to speed walk their way outta there. But Michael quickly pulled himself together and grabbed Lolbit’s foot. “Gotcha!”

“aAAA-A-A-AAAH! HEY! I LET YOU GO!” Lolbit yelled at him.

“Yeah, and that made me curious!” Michael replied. “I might’ve been originally joking when I said that. But the moment you dropped me and tried to run, I HAD to find out if animatronics were ticklish.” Michael told it. “Or, if they can simulate being ticklish.” Michael added. “Same difference in my opinion.”

Lolbit leaned against the wall and shook their leg. “Get off me-E-E!” it yelled.

“No way!” Michael replied. He took advantage of the exposed foot and skittered his fingers on it. “Tickle tickle~”

Lolbit shrieked with voice glitches in between, and threw Michael right off the leg with a strong kick. Michael went flying, and ended up hitting his back against the wall on the other side of the office. Michael groaned and laid on his back for a moment, trying to make sure he didn’t break his back or injure it further. When Michael could feel his legs and see his feet reacting to his movements, Michael sat back up and stood. “Ow...All that because you’re sensitive?” Michael asked.

Lolbit pointed at him. “Stop that!” It ordered. “O-Or I’ll get you back!” Lolbit warned.

Michael looked at himself and smirked. “Sounds like a sacrifice worth taking in my opinion!” Michael sprinted up to Lolbit and dove for them. Lolbit shrieked like a freaking witch, and tried to run away. But Michael had an unfair headstart and had managed to grab hold of its orange and white tail! “LE-e-ET GO-”

Michael managed to shut up the fox with a single squeeze to the side. It helped that Lolbit came with curvy, dented plates on both lower sides! Cause otherwise, he probably wouldn’t have been able to squeeze there.

“HEheheEHEHEY! HAHANDS OHOHohohOFF!” Lolbit yelled.

“Why would I do that when I have a ticklish fox in my arms?” Michael asked back. “This is fun!”

Lolbit shook their head. “IHIHIS NAHAhahaAHAHAT!”

Michael chuckled. “A little reminder that you kicked me across the room just a couple minutes ago. You are much stronger than me. So if you really hated it So MuCh…” Michael moved his fingers up to the middle ribs- “You could easily stop me.” Michael concluded.

“IHIHIT’S A-A-AGAINST MY COHOHODE TOHO HUHURT YOHOHOHOU!” Lolbit yelled.

“Is it now?” Michael asked. “It’s against my code to damage you even minorly! We both have the same laws.” Michael admitted. “And yet: you’ve kicked me already. So you would’ve already ‘hurt’ me. But notice this: no one gave you a controlled shock for throwing me. Therefore:” Michael moved to Lolbit’s orange belly. “Yooouuu kinda like it~”

Lolbit squealed and doubled over. Sensing they were gonna fall, Lolbit pushed Michael out of the way and allowed itself to flop onto its side. “Nohoho...Nohoho moho-O-ohore.” Lolbit begged.

Michael fell a bit backwards, but didn’t hit the ground very hard this time. He got up and looked at Lolbit with interest. “You...saved me.” Michael reacted.

“You’re a hu-U-U-uman! Of COURSE I saved you!” Lolbit opened its jaw. “Ihihi-I-I would be in big trouble if I-i-I damaged you under my care.” Lolbit admitted.

Michael smiled at that. “Thanks for saving me from being crushed.” Michael told it.

Lolbit giggled. “Are you ca-A-alling me fat?” Lolbit asked jokingly.

Michael widened his eyes and covered his mouth. “NO! NO WAY! I would never call you fat! ESPECIALLY intentionally!” Michael reacted loudly.

Lolbit bursted out laughing. “HAHAHAhahahahAHAHA! Yohohou’re so GULLiBLE! It’s HI-i-ILARIOUS!” Lolbit reacted, leaning over and laughing towards the ground.

Michael smirked. “You wanna laugh, huh? Alright! Let’s laugh.” Michael crawled back up to the fox and grabbed the ankle. Lolbit’s giggles quickly paused and were replaced with shrieked of artificial fear! “Wa-A-ait!” Lolbit yelled.

Michael started tickling the underside of the feminine-looking foot almost right away. Lolbit started kicking their other foot and covered its snout as it laughed with glitches in between. “HEHEHEHE-e-EHEY! NAHAHAT THEHEheheheHEHEHERE!” Lolbit protested.

“Why not? Ticklish foot, much?” Michael teased.

“Whahahahat dohoho YOHOhoHOU THIHI-i-IHINK?!” Lolbit shot back.

Michael gasped and paused for a moment. “You’ve got quite the NERVE!” Michael reacted, referencing Lolbit’s words from earlier. Michael even made his voice slightly scratchy and higher to make it sound similar to Lolbit’s for the next words: “Such a BAAABY…”

Lolbit bursted out laughing more. “AAHAHAHAHahahaHAHA! THAHAT WA-a-AHAS TEHEHERRIBLE!” Lolbit reacted.

“Oh! Was it now?” Michael reacted. He moved up to Lolbit’s cute, flat and decorated toes. “It couldn’t have been THAT bad, could it?” Michael teased.

Lolbit threw their head back and started letting out fits of glitchy cackles. “NOHOHOHO-o-o-OHOHOhohoho! TOHOHO-o-O MUHU-H-H-huhuHUHuch!” Lolbit yelled to him.

Michael just laughed with them. “Wohohow! Your laugh is going all over the place! It doesn’t know what it’s doing!” Michael teased, pausing his tickling to show them. “It’s up here! Then it’s down here! It goes from SO LOUD, TO super soft...soooo soft...And THEN IT JUMPS UP AGAIN!” Michael teased much more dramatically.

Lolbit shook their head back and forth and kept kicking their other foot. “IHIHI CAHahahahaAHAHAn’T HEHE-e-E-e-EHEHELP IHIhihIHIHIT!” Lolbit yelled back.

“Well duh! Of course you can’t help it! It’s like my snorting! I can’t help it either! But it’s still funny!” Michael added.

Lolbit gently pushed Michael away with its foot on his chest. “Ohohokahay, thahat’s ehe-E-ehehenough.” Lolbit ordered.

“Ey ey, captain.” Michael replied with a salute.

“Hehehey now: I ain’t the captain around here.” Lolbit sat up and looked at Michael. “Foxy is the legenda-A-ary captain aro-O-O-ound these parts!” Lolbit mentioned.

“Really now?” Michael reacted.

“Yeah! AhehEHEHEhehehe! Indeed he is! He’s a version of the original! A family of Foxy’s! I’m more of a-A-a second-in-command!” Lolbit admitted.

“You’re still important though. I think you’re still important.” Michael mentioned.

Lolbit’s ears perked up. “Hey! Thanks ki-I-id! You’re quite swell yerself!” Lolbit replied.

Michael smiled. “Thank you.”

The two of them sat in silence for a bit. It was a good silence, though a little uncomfortable. They just didn’t really know what to say. Lolbit’s break-in was a success, and Michael’s questions were already answered.

Though there was one last question…

“Hey Lolbit?” Michael asked. Lolbit looked up at Michael and lifted their ears up a little. “How come I haven’t seen you until now?” Michael asked.

Lolbit’s ears and snout both fell at that question. Lolbit tapped their orange fingernail on the ground as they came up with an answer. “Well...Foxy wa-A-as adored more by kids. Kids L-L-loved a purple and pink fox better than an orange fox.” Lolbit replied.

Michael’s curious face morphed into a hurt expression.

“And I didn’t mat-AT-atch the other guys.” Lolbit added.

Michael frowned at that. “Well, Circus Baby doesn’t match the general aesthetic either.” Michael added.

Lolbit looked at Michael out of the corner of its black, void eyes. “Circus Baby is-s dangerous. She-E broke the rule. She no-NO-no longer entertains.” Lolbit admitted.

Michael hummed curiously. He began to wonder what exactly Circus Baby did to get so badly in trouble. But, knowing his father and his motives…

Maybe it’s a good thing he doesn’t know the specifics.

Lolbit looked back up at Michael. “I ha-A-ave a question.” They told him. Michael looked up and gave Lolbit his full attention. “Is it tru-TrUE that you snort when you laugh?” Lolbit asked.

Michael’s eyes widened as he processed the question. Oh no…

Michael quickly tried to scoot back and run away. But Lolbit was one step ahead of him. Lolbit had grabbed Michael’s ankle and had pulled him closer. “Hey now! HAHAheheheHaHA!” Lolbit put their hands around his waist. “You’re not go-GOing ANYWHERE! HEheheHEHEHEE!” Lolbit declared, laughing themself silly as they used their dark eyes to scan for tickle spots. “You had your at-AT-attack! Now it’s MY TU-TURN! AHUHUHuhuhUHUHUUU!” Lolbit declared proudly. Lolbit immediately started out with quick scratches on the belly. “Tickle tickle s-security guard~” Lolbit teased.

Michael squealed and covered his mouth in an attempt to prevent any laughs or snorts from coming out. Lolbit noticed this and immediately pinned one of Michael’s arms above his head. “AhahahaHAHAHAAA! No che-CHE-cheating on my watch!” Lolbit declared. “And just for that:” Lolbit started tickling in Michael’s now vulnerable armpit.

Michael threw his head back and LAUGHED! “BAHAAAHAHAHAhahaha! NAHAT THEHEHERE! NAHAHAT THEHEHEHERE!” Michael yelled.

“Oooooh! Why not? HEHEHEhehehe! Ti-TI-ticklish armpit, much?” Lolbit teased, saying the same thing Michael used on him. “I guess you could sa-say THIS ticklish spot is u-UNDER investigation~” Lolbit said as the fox poked its finger further into Michael’s armpit.

Michael whined. “Thahahat Whahahas TEHEHEHERRIBLE!” Michael complained.

“Wo-Would you say it was punny?” lolbit asked. Or maybe…” Lolbit poked Michael’s shoulder- “Huuuumerus~?”

Michael shook his head and pushed against his snout. “STAHAHAHAP!”

“Wow! I didn’t know my jo-jokes were so…” Lolbit moved their fingers to Michael’s ribs and started digging and skittering. “Riiib-tickling~! AHAHAhahahahaHUUUU!”

Michael threw his head back and cackled loudly with snorts mixed in.

“Oh WOOOW! You really DO SNORT! You-ou must be the life of the PARTY! Or maybe even the life of the PORKY~?” Lolbit teased.

“SHUHUHUT UHUHUHUP!” Michael shouted at him.

“HAHAhahaHAHA! Why would I do that when I could ke-keep making animal jokes?” Lolbit asked rhetorically as they moved their metal nails up and down the ribs. “Be-Besides: Fazbear Entertainment should have made me-ME a parrot! Cause I am a HOOT! I KEET you not!” Lolbit teased.

Michael growled and shook his head. “IHIHIHI HAHAHAHATE THEHEHEM!” Michael shouted. “THEHEHEY’RE SOHOHOHO BAHAHAHAD!”

“Hate them?! But look!” Lolbit poked his mouth. “You‘re smil-iling! And you’re laughing at them! And tha-that with your piggy snorts mixed in, is a real tweet~! Ahahaha!” Lolbit joked.

Lolbit narrowed its eyes and brought its snout closer to Michael. “Ohoho...Excuse me- does it look like I ha-HA-have a black beard to you?!” Lolbit reacted all sassy. Michael giggled more at the fox’s reaction. “Ooooh...You’re trying to toy with the robot! I seeee says the blind man!” Lolbit reacted. Lolbit started tickling Michael’s sides this time. “And I feeeel your fingers, says the nerveless Nellie~” Lolbit added.

Michael yelped and groaned through his new fit of laughter. “HEHehehehey! *snort* THAHAhahahat’s nohohohot- *snort* hohohow ihihihit gohohohoes!” Michael protested.

“Ohoho alright. Ihi-I suppose that pun was a bit of a stretch.” Lolbit decided before finally letting Michael go.

Michael went limp and started panting right away. There were still phantom tickles plaguing him, causing him to giggle and squirm through his shallow breathing.

“I suppose I should be band from funny boneville?” Lolbit finished off.

“Ihihi will shohohock you.” Michael warned with an uncontrollable giggle.

“Ohohoho! How enlightening! Perhaps even frightening!” Lolbit teased.

Lolbit finally stopped with the puns the moment Michael squeezed their sides. There were just too many puns all at once. Perhaps they would be all over now…

No fox were given during the making of this Fazfan-fic. Are these puns bad enough for you, anon? XD

[mudhorn-djarin19]

Dave York - NSFW Alphabet

Rating: Explicit Ao3 Link | Masterlist | Join my taglist via here!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) Not much is done aftercare wise with Dave. He’ll help clean you up, check that you are okay and not hurt. That’s about it. Maybe a quick kiss to show he truly does care. What are showing emotions when it comes to Dave York? Lol.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) Dave’s favorite body part on himself is definitely his hands. He finds them strong and skilled from usage on his job with different weapons, hacking and etc. He likes that he can take his skills of using them in different ways to tease you and make you come undone. As for you, his favorite body part is your ass. He likes to hold onto it when fucking you. As well as give it a smack or some fondling in passing. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically) He loves to see you covered in it and filled with it. He also loves to taste yours, as well as both of your mixed together. Sometimes even have you tasting the mix. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) He already has 2 kids from his ex-wife but he wouldn’t be upset if you became pregnant with his child. He’d love to see you carry his child. He already loves to see you filled with his cum so if it takes he is fine with it. 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) Dave’s very experienced. He knows exactly what he is doing. He’s got a lot of knowledge when it comes to different kinks and positions. How he got this experience, he won’t say but you can assume he didn’t get it from when he was with Carol. 

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying.) He prefers doggy style or missionary. He likes to be in control and these positions allow him to do so/feel that way. He can control the pace and make you come undone easier this way he feels. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc) There is no such thing as humor in the bedroom with Dave. Everything is 100% serious. Don’t you dare find anything funny or you will get a glaring look.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.) He keeps it neatly trimmed down to a short length by grooming himself weekly. It never gets out of control. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) He shows his intimacy in weird ways. He’s a rough person in the bedroom so it comes off that he isn’t being intimate but he is in his own way. Romance out right isn’t his thing. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation head canon) If he is away on a job, or you are he’ll definitely jack off. He prefers to find relief via you though. His hands can only do so much. Sometimes he’ll even video call you while doing so if away to tease you. Or hell even do so while you are in the same room. The damned tease. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks) Oh boy… Kinks with Dave York. Man has a lot… Bondage, degradation, exhibition, voyeurism, knife play, gunplay, and even lowkey a breeding kink. Sometimes he whips out the praise kink too but not often. 

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do) Preferably his bed since it’s softer on his body. A close second is his office which is where you more often than not get it on. He really isn’t opposed to anywhere though. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going) It doesn’t take much to get Dave turned on. But be careful what you are asking for. For once he’s turned on he will definitely take you. And you know how he likes it.  

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs) Dave will absolutely not let anyone else have you. He refuses to share you. You are his and everyone damn will know it. He won’t do watersports or anything to do with scat either. Blood is fine though since deals with it often. As for turn offs he really doesn’t have any.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) He is open to either. He loves to go down on you and make you come undone with just his tongue and fingers. However, he loves to watch you go down on him as well. Watching the tears stream down your cheeks, saliva stringing from you both as you gag on him.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.) Dave is the majority of the time going for fast and rough. He’s not often a gentle person in the bedroom. At times he can be but, it is very rare. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.) He doesn’t mind them. More times than not a quickie is what you two have. However if given the chance he loves to have proper sex that lasts longer. He finds it more fun and enjoyable. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.) His job is all about risks so you would think he isn’t game for experimenting and taking risks in the bedroom but he absolutely is. He is open to trying new things all the time as long as you are. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…) He can last one long round or like 2 - 3 short rounds. He may be a bit older but that isn’t stopping him from getting it on. He’s got pretty damn good stamina to keep him going. 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) Dave has quite a few toys and stuff to use in the bedroom. He has handcuffs, rope, blindfolds, vibrator and a dildo to start. If he finds something new to use he’ll probably get it too. They are never used on him. Only you. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) Holy shit does this man tease so much. It is nonstop teasing with him. Always giving you teasing touches, whispering dirty things to you no matter where you are just to get you riled up. He won’t stop until you are a flustered mess and craving him. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make) He is all grunts, groans and moans aside from his spitting words of degradation (and the rare praise at times) to you. He keeps a normal/calm noise level in the bedroom. He isn’t a screamer but you might be with him ;) 

W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice) Dave comes off as a hard ass with little actual affection but he’s got a soft side to him. He just rarely shows it and prefers to show his rough side. He really does love and care for you. He’d do anything for you. You’ve seen his soft side a few times, it’s not often but when you do it melts your heart. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words) Dave’s a little above average in size. Nothing too crazy but still enough to satisfy and drive you wild. Around 7inches but pretty thick/ 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?) Dave’s sex drive is pretty damn high. He can go whenever if you are in the mood. 

Z =  ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward) Not very quickly. Usually he’ll go back to doing some work or something else once done. Does this man even sleep? He’s always so busy doing work lol.

Tag list:

@sarahjkl82-blog @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @blackberries45 @s-unflowxr @donnaa

[actuallysaiyan]

Hii, I hope you’re doing good and are getting well through the pandemic!💗 Huge fan of your writing, especially your head canons!!

I was wondering if I could request a nsfw alphabet w Vegeto/Gogeta please? Or just some kind of nsfw headcanons in general? If u have done one already feel free to dismiss this^^

Have a lovely morning/day/evening/night!

A/N: Thank you so much for being such a sweetie and requesting a very fun request! I had lots of fun writing for these two, and I hope you enjoy it as well! Gogeta in Bold and Vegito in Italics!!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Gogeta is very sweet after sex, despite being cocky when he’s fucking you hard. He’ll be gentle, and clean you up and just cuddle up. He enjoys feeling you so close to him.

Vegito can be a little sweet as well, but he doesn’t want to appear weak, even if it is just in front of you. He’ll clean you up and cuddle you, but he’s not going to have pillowtalk. 

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hmm, this is a tough one for Gogeta. He’s going to have to say maybe his arms...ohhh or his legs! It’s too hard for him to pick. He’s super strong, and he enjoys his physique. On you, it would be your pretty little mouth...er, your smile, rather. Though, you do look good with cock in your mouth.

Vegito loves all of himself. He’s not picky at all, and he thinks all of his physique is peak form. It’s pretty much a no brainer there. For you, it’s your thighs. He loves being buried between your cushiony and soft thighs, and when you make those pretty little noises and you’re squeezing your thighs around his head, he is weak.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Gogeta is so messy with his cum. He’ll cum inside of you, if you like that. If not, he’ll cum all over you, painting you with his seed. He likes to watch you with his seed all over you, and he’ll scoop some up to feed you some.

Vegito has a breeding kink. It’s the Vegeta in this fusion that dominates, so he just needs to cum inside of you. It’s his favorite thing in the whole world. It’s just so fucking good when your pussy milks him for all he is worth.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Gogeta and Vegito actually share the same secret, and it was to be able to fuck you at the same time(so a threesome with Vegeta and Goku). As this is the most viable way to have a threesome with both of them, they are both content with it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Gogeta is a bit less experienced, as Goku is the dominating one here. He’s not really the most interested in knowing how to have sex properly. He just does what feels good, and if you’re having a good time, then it’s great! If not, he’s quick to learn how to please you.

Vegito has a good amount of experience. He knows how to make you weak and very very wet. It’s one of his best techniques honestly. He just knows where to touch you and how to make you cum so quickly.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Gogeta enjoys the om position, but he’s big on cowgirl as well. Something about having you in his lap or riding him makes him so horny. He loves watching you ride him, and the way your tits bounce...it’s really nice.

Vegito loves doggy style. He loves bending you over desks or counters to pound himself into you over and over again. If you get on all fours in bed, he’ll consider this is you presenting yourself to him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Gogeta is pretty serious, but he can make some dumb remarks or jokes sometimes. He likes to keep things fun in bed, and sometimes he’ll just say some sexy joke or something dumb, but it’s funny and keeps things interesting in bed.

Vegito is very serious, and he gets into the moment. Sometimes, he’ll say something sexual or make a little dirty joke, but nothing crazy. He loves the serious aspect of fucking.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Gogeta is a little messy down there. He tries to keep it clean, but it grows very very very very fast. It’s the Saiyan genetics. Their hair doesn’t really stay cut even when it is cut. The carpet matches the drapes.

Vegito does what he can to keep the hair down there maintained. He has a different way of taking care of his pubic hair, and he enjoys it much more when he’s clean anyway. The carpet also matches the drapes.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Gogeta can be pretty sweet about having sex, but something he just says dumb stuff and it can take you out of the moment. He tries to just be very sweet, kind and attentive to your needs though.

Vegito is a little different. He can be degrading and rough with you, calling you names. But he can be romantic when he’s feeling a little more needy.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Gogeta doesn’t really understand the need to masturbate. He’s got you for that, doesn’t he? He’ll do it if he’s super desperate, but it’s odd because he is the fused form of Vegeta and Goku, so it can get awkward.

Vegito does not masturbate. He’s got great self-control and he doesn’t need to get himself off if you aren’t around to help with that. Besides, it would fluster him anyway.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Gogeta has a bit of a size kink. He’ll be so turned on by towering over you and making you feel and look so small. If you let him pick you up in his arms and just manhandle you a little bit, he’ll be so hard.

Vegito has a breeding kink of course. He needs to cum inside of you and for you to tell him that you’re his and nobody else’s and that you’ll carry his baby. It’s just something that triggers inside of him.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Gogeta isn’t picky about fucking you in all kinds of different places. He loves it anywhere he can, but he understands that inside your own home can be nice as well. It’ll give you more time without the chance of someone catching you red-handed.

Vegito absolutely wants privacy when he fucks you. It’s got to be somewhere that nobody else will find you. He wants to spend as much time as he can when he’s fucking you. He doesn’t want anyone coming in.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

For Gogeta, you really need to be clear about what you want. Place your hand on his thigh, and lean up to whisper in his ear “I want you right now,”. That should help, but if you need to be even more clear, just palm him through your pants.

Vegito doesn’t need a whole lot. If you touch his thigh, and give him a sensual look, he’s already rock hard. It doesn’t take a whole lot to turn him on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Gogeta isn’t interested in anal, scat or urine play. He does enjoy most of the other kinks, but he can be vanilla at times. Just let him have some fun, and you’re sure to have fun as well.

Vegito has similar preferences, but he doesn’t mind the anal aspect if you were interested. He likes different things on different days, so you’ll need to talk to him to know what’s going on.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Gogeta would much rather give you oral than receive, but he still enjoys it very much. He can be a bit sloppy with his oral, but it’s so fucking good. You’re always so wet, and he loves lapping up your juices. For blow jobs, he may get a little rough, but he’s going to make sure he doesn’t hurt you.

Vegito loves blow jobs. Please get on your knees and pull his cock out of his pants and just slobber all over it and gag on it. He’s fucking weak for the way you deepthroat him and just choke on his cock. He’ll definitely reciprocate and make you cum tenfold!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Gogeta is a little more clumsy with his pacing, and it can be downright animalistic sometimes. He’s big on gripping your hips and slamming himself into you. If you need him to be slow, just explain it to him and he’ll do that for you.

Vegito is a tease most of the time, so his pace is actually quite slow and drawn out. He loves being a little rough sometimes, but he enjoys dragging his fat cock head against your walls to make you whimper.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Gogeta actually loves quickie a whole lot. They don’t take up too much time, and you both get to cum as well. It’s nice, and he can just pump himself into you and fuck you at his fast pace, and you’ll both get off very quickly.

Vegito loves a drawn out process, but quickies can be nice as well. If he’s busy and he needs to train, you can trust that he’ll pick a quickie over hours of sex.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Gogeta isn’t huge on risk taking, so he’ll go with his tried and true method when he can. If you want him to experiment with you a little more, just explain it to him and he might understand.

Vegito likes to tease you, so he’ll take some risks from time to time. He’ll finger you in public, or he’ll buy you some vibrating panties and make you cum inside a store.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Both Gogeta and Vegito have incredible stamina, and the fact that it is both Vegeta and Goku fused, it actually makes their stamina almost doubled sometimes. They both can last forever, but they’ll take pity on you for being just a normal human and they’ll stop when you need a break.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Once again, Gogeta doesn’t really understand the point of having toys. If you buy some, he’ll learn how to use them but he doesn’t really care too much about it.

Vegito has lots of toys. He buys all kinds of things to make you cum in all different ways. He loves restraints and vibrators, but handcuffs and whips can be exciting just as much.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Gogeta tries to tease, but he’s weak to your pleading and he doesn’t want to make you wait for your orgasm for too long. He loves the way you look when you come undone.

Vegito is a fucking huge tease. He loves watching you writhe beneath him as he brings you to the edge and pulls away. He’s sweet about it though, as in he lets you cum so hard when he finally decides it’s time for you to cum.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Gogeta is very loud, and he grunts and groans and just lets you know he’s enjoying himself very much. He’s loud, and people will hear you if they are around.

Vegito is a little quieter, but if you blow him, he may get a little loud when you do. He moans when you blow him, but he mostly grunts when he’s fucking you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Gogeta gets cocky when he fucks you, and this is Vegeta’s influence coming out. He’ll ask you stuff like “Who’s cock are you fucking?” and “Who owns this pussy?” 

Vegito is very sweet sometimes, and this is Goku’s empathy coming through. If he thinks he’s hurt you for real, he’ll stop immediately and make sure you’re okay before continuing.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Both of them have huge cocks! Around nine inches long, thick and curved only slightly. Besides that, they both look like they’ve been carved out of marble by the Gods themselves. They have perfect physiques.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Gogeta gets a little needy sometimes. He’ll just hump you and you’ll get to fucking right away. He has a very high sex drive and needs to take care of it as soon as possible.

Vegito has a normal sex drive. He loves fucking, but he doesn’t necessarily have to do it all the time. Just let him know you’re in the mood, and he’ll probably fuck you.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Gogeta is out like a light almost immediately after taking care of you. He’s cuddling you in his arms and snoring away.

Vegito likes to stay awake for a bit and just relish in the feeling of you having you in his arms. He doesn’t always get these moments to himself.

[cult-of-the-gundead]

My Experiences with Lovesickmocha (That I remember)

TW: Mentions of Se/lf Ha/rm, Sc/at and Gro/oming

I just... need to get this all out of my head.

I first heard of him via his fics on AO3, and at first, I didn’t judge him. I thought it wouldn’t be fair, as I write transformation stuff. So I, in all my dumb trust, left a comment on one of his fics, think it was the MAG Hank one, and got a response

Now, this was back when I didn’t know what he did, and I thought all hate on him was undeserved (I don’t think that now), and I thought I could become friends with him, because I have garbage trust.

So, eventually, he shared his curiouscat, and while I don’t have any images of my responses, I do know that I led him to someone on here’s blog (I don’t want to name the person because haha funny anxiety go brrr), and it led to him revealing his self harm account to the public

I was horribly distraught when I saw it, and thought I was the cause of it, which led to me going into a depressive episode. But you know what? I still tried to become friends with him. I let myself keep stalking his twitters, I let myself see all the scat stuff he posted and retweeted.

And then, I learnt the truth behind him. I’m sure we all know who he really is by now, but for those who don’t... here’s a twitter archiving some of his garbage

So he vanished, and tried to come back a few times, and I thought that was that...

Until I got this lovely comment on one of my fanfics with Church and Jorge

(Please note: He actually commented on two of them, but I no longer have that comment as I deleted it for my own mental health)

Naturally, I almost had a damn panic attack and almost deleted all of my fanfics about the two. But I decided that doing so wouldn’t really be nice, deleting and hiding away all my hard work because of one guy.

(I wrote another fanfic with Church and Jorge to calm my nerves after seeing his comments on my fics, but he commented on that too and I almost had a panic attack again.)

So, with his return, came none other... than his Divine Vision

It’s dumb. It’s so, so dumb. He made a whole ass fake bible to justify himself being a groomer and to wish harm on the ACTUAL people he hurt.

So, eventually, he purged all of his AO3 minus his divine vision (which too was deleted after a bit), but someone I can’t really remember the name of, think it was JecraWritesStuff or something along those lines, made some kind of positive message to him. At first, I thought he didn’t know Mocha was a groomer, so I left a comment on there, only for it to get deleted. I think Jecra knows but does not care.

Then, all his stuff was deleted minus his neocities, and I thought that was that.

Buuut it’s not. Because of-fucking-course that little coffee bitch has to still be prowling the internet

His eka’s portal account is lotusjudge, his VRChat username is currently stormblazing (He goes by the same username on steam), AND he has the audacity to open a patreon. I believe this is JecraWritesStuff’s twitter, so you can block him there. I also think he’s dating him too, even after all of the shit Mocha did, AND might of lied about being traumatized by him.

[thegleeacademy]

Welcome to The Glee Academy, DAITHI PEARCE is a DOMINANT that will be placed in suite 114 in the building that used to be Dalton Academy because he has been found to pose no threat to the general population. As soon as you send in your account link I’ll add you to the masterlist and get you an ooc link.

OOC INFORMATION

PRONOUNS: Ze/He

TIMEZONE: GMT

⇲ IC INFORMATION

NAME: Daithi Pearce

FC: Barry Keoghan

AGE: 27

PRONOUNS & GENDER: He/Him - Cisman

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

MARK (Dom, Switch, or Sub?): Dom

BIRTHDAY/BIRTH ORDER/SIBLING INFO: 6th August 1990 - Youngest

CLASSES: (this is optional)

CLUBS: (this is optional)

KINKS: anything not listed in the antikinks

ANTI-KINKS: scat, vomit, latex, age play, leather, feet.

⇲ BIOGRAPHY INFORMATION

ARE THERE ANY FAMILY DYNAMICS YOU WANT TO EXPLAIN? CONSIDER WHAT LIFE WAS LIKE FOR YOUR CHARACTER BEFORE THE REBELLION AND BEFORE THEY TURNED 21 AND HAD TO GO TO A BDSM ACADEMY LIKE TGA: The Pearce father is a dominant and held high hopes for his children to be too. The Pearce mother was considered ‘older’ for a mother as she was only collared after she reached 35 without being claimed. As well as that, the father kept her on birth control for a while. He said it was to make sure she was more than a pretty face. She laughs like the joke doesn’t hurt her. He deemed her worthy to have children no more than three years into their claim, and she gave birth to triplets, as all do: Harmony, Daithi, and *insert other one here*.

Daithi was youngest and softest and sweetest and no one expected him to wake up with a dominant mark on his 21st. He always took the back seat, always let the others shine if they wanted to. Always, always, always put them before him. He was a bit of a doormat really. It was a shock to him as much to anyone else and being thrust into this world where he was suddenly the most important type of person was jarring. Even now, years and a rebellion later, he’s not fully settled into his role, and he truly worries about leaving with no submissive or switch at his side.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHARACTER’S LIFE LIKE WHILE THEY WERE AT SCHOOL BEFORE THE REBELLION?: Kind of an outsider amongst the Doms. Not because they were cruel to him, though there is bullying in every school, but because he was comfortable shrinking into the background. He did his best not to speak to people, convinced they wouldn’t like him. He was his own block, thinking himself weak because he didn’t give off the typical alpha guy vibe doms were associated with.

WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER THINK ABOUT THE OLD WAYS? WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER THINK ABOUT THE REBELLION?: The old ways were life for him. His father was a typical Dom, his mother a typical sub. There was black and white and nothing else and it was completely… fine. It was life. He’d never fit in and that was just how he was going to have to survive. When the rebellion happened, he found a little of the pressure released from him, though in honesty he thinks it was more a revolution for the subs than it was any other class. He wished, somehow, that he would wake up with the funny new symbol. He was ashamed of wanting it because he’d won the genetic lottery in his head. Doms could be… whatever they wanted. He had no restrictions. But it felt still like he was tied down to a box he didn’t fit into. The mark never changed. He stayed marked with D, and he - eventually - accepted he would have to just… power through.

HAD YOUR CHARACTER GRADUATED BEFORE THE REBELLION CAME? IF SO, WHAT WERE THEY DOING IN THE REAL WORLD? IF NOT, WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR THEM TO BE ON CAMPUS WHEN THE REBELLION TOOK OVER?: He hadn’t graduated. He’s good at slipping into the background and going unnoticed, so he did that as much as possible. His eyes would find a tv or a newspaper for his information on what was going on. He didn’t much speak to people in those days.

IS THERE ANYTHING YOU HAVE IN MIND FOR YOUR CHARACTER OR WOULD LIKE THEM TO DO?:

- The other triplets. I would love to see them, how they view Daithi, be it with empathy or dislike, the quarrels and buckets and family jokes. It would be *sick*

- I want Daithi to find Switches who’re able to teach him that he can be dominant, it just has to come from the chest. It would be useful for them to be a switch bc they could fall into the submissive role in any practical sessions

- I want his heart broken at least once. I like writing angst as much as the rest of it

- Eventually I’d like him to claim but it’s so far away right now I have no concrete thoughts on it

[to44y]

39 Role-Play Fantasies Every Gay Couple Should Try

By Alexander Cheves

39 Role-Play Fantasies Every Gay Couple Should Try

I snuck into the bedroom on all fours. I was tired. It had been a long day. My boyfriend at the time was sleeping on the bed. I started sniffing his neck until a sleepy grin formed on his face. When I knew he was awake, I licked him — a long, sloppy, wet lick up his cheek — then ran to the living room. 

I heard him behind me. “Where are you going, puppy?” I was being bad. I was on all fours, shaking my ass on the sofa in his direction. He pulled out his dick and said, “Here boy.” 

This is role play. Specifically, this is “puppy play” — a form of role play I love the most. Role play can be spontaneous or pre-planned, and as elaborate as you make it. At its simplest, role play happens when two adults consensually engage in an eroticized pretend game, a shared sex fantasy. And it is not limited to two adults — group role play offers some of the hottest sex experiences imaginable.  

Everything in the world can inspire role play. You could do sofa role play and have someone sit on you. The most iconic gay role play scenarios have been done and redone endlessly by gay porn companies because they work — “Daddy and Son” will never get old — but that does not mean you can’t try them out for yourself. Try these 39 role play scenarios for the adventurous gay couple. Use your imagination! 

A Word of Warning From Writer Alexander Cheves

My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly. I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. The views in this slideshow do not reflect those of The Advocate and are based solely off of my own experiences. Like everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men.

Those who are sensitive to frank discussions about sex are invited to click elsewhere, but consider this: If you are outraged by content that address sex openly and honestly, I invite you to examine this outrage and ask yourself whether it should instead be directed at those who oppress us by policing our sexuality.

For all others, enjoy the slideshow. And feel free to leave your own suggestions of sex and dating topics in the comments.

Hungry for more? Follow me on Twitter @BadAlexCheves and visit my blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend. 

1. Construction Workers

As I write this, the house next door is being renovated. If you listened to them, you would think a gay porno was being shot outside my window. Lots of laughing and group camaraderie with one poor guy (the sub) making pained, grunting noises. He’s being paddled with what sounds like a wooden paddle wrapped in sandpaper. Just when I think the mean top is about to ease up, the sound of an electric drill starts, and the guys start laughing again. They’re playing old school country music and I imagine there’s lots of spitting. One of them literally says, “It’s a bitch.” 

Construction worker role play is a great group role play to get into if you can conjure up some buddies and orange vests — and you can even redo your kitchen in the process.

2. Sports Teammates

There seems to be more “locker room” gay porn than any other sub-genre. You know the scenario: a young freshman walks in the locker room among the beefy seniors on his football team, who have a nasty initiation ritual planned for him after practice. 

Accouterments of this play involve sports gear (a fetish all on its own), knee-high socks, gym shorts, copious amounts of sweat, and that wonderful camaraderie that forms when the group’s submissive guy gets bent over a bench press. 

3. Frat Boys

The gay porn site Fraternity X has capitalized on the fantasy of frat boy hazing. All their videos have the same basic narrative: a group of horny college guys are sitting around in a trash-strewn commons area drinking beer and watching TV when one bro starts running his mouth. Before long, his hands are tied and his mouth stuffed with someone’s underwear while everyone takes turns fucking him in a swivel chair. “Come on bro, it’s not gay if it’s with your brothers.” 

4. Brothers

When my ex-boyfriends and I visited new cities where no one knew us, we would sometimes say we were brothers. It was funny sometimes, a lark — other times, it was really sexy. At the local gay watering hole, we would tell the guys interested in us that we were related and see how many of them believed it. I’m not sure many did — especially when we got a little drunk and started making out on the dance floor — but they wanted to. Many guys have a brother fantasy. This is an easy one to role play in the bedroom, and there are endless imagined scenarios available to you: Big brother is visiting home from college and has to share your bedroom for a night. You two are close and like to wrestle, and one day the wrestling goes a little too far when one of you gets excited.

5. Strangers

Anonymous public hookups are rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Our mediated, digitalized hookup culture has all but replaced discreet staring contests in the gym and public cruising in parks and bathrooms. Many formerly cruisey places are more heavily watched now, and your success rate is inevitably lower. 

Also, some guys have some discomfort with completely anonymous sex. The risk of sexually transmitted infections is a factor — although, to be sure, someone who says they love you poses the same risk unless they’ve been rigorously tested. 

One solution to all these is to do anonymous role play with someone you know. If you want to play in public, plan to meet up somewhere that you are fairly certain will offer some privacy. If your fantasy is to anonymously pick up a stranger and take him back home, this is easier: just plan to meet somewhere (the gym, a bookstore) and watch him from across the room. Pretend you don’t know each other, and when the time is right, make that classic, subtle head nod — “Let’s get out of here.” 

6. Coach and Player

Another common gay porn scenario: the gruff, frustrated football coach tells his star quarterback to stay after practice for some additional training. For obvious reasons, this scenario works great for group role play as well. Who says the coach only has one MVP? 

7. Pup and Handler

Like many scenes in the world of kink, puppy play at its simplest is a form of role play. It falls under a broader category of role play types called “pet play.” In pet play, humans act stereotypically like different animals before and during sex. 

Like all forms of role play, puppy play is as simple or complex as you make it. Some pups — myself included — love the pup headspace and extend it past the bedroom into daily life. We do this by wearing collars, barking at/sniffing guys on the dance floor, and sitting/kneeling whenever our handlers/boyfriends say, “Sit.” 

There is an inherent power dynamic in puppy play, and many pups would say there is a Dominant/submissive relationship. Pups are automatically submissive to handlers. A good pup loves getting scratches, treats (sexual or otherwise), and led around on a leash by a handler. And while this is certainly not always the case, handlers are typically tops and pups bottoms (alpha pups being a common exception — see number 11). 

Puppy play is implicitly, if not explicitly, a sex role play, but some pups and handlers have removed the sex aspect of it and turned puppy play into a practice more akin to yoga — a de-stressing activity that frees them from the daily rigor of life. While I’m certainly not one such pup, I think that reveals something important about role play itself. There can be a therapeutic aspect to adult pretend games, if only because they remove you from your daily headspace and allow you to be imaginative. We know the positive effects that playing has on children, but few cultures have spaces for adults to do the same. 

8. Kitty and Cat Owner

This is like puppy play, but the submissive guy acts like a cat. This features of this role play are endless: rubber or latex cat suits, tail plugs, and felt mice dangling on a string. 

9. Pony and Rider

Pony play follows the same basic form as the other pet play types. Human ponies love neighing, wearing bits in their mouths (ones designed specifically for human pony play, as actual metal bits will break teeth), and being taken for a ride. The rubber, latex, and leather gear for pony play gets pretty elaborate and very costly, but I know some guys who have an almost quasi-religious dedication to pony play and are willing to fork over the cash. If Equus and all the endless bestiality porn on the internet reveals anything, it’s that horses inspire something very carnal and sexual in us humans. 

10. Pig and Farmer

In modern gay lexicon, a “pig” is a guy who loves bareback sex and male bodily fluids (cum, piss, spit, and sometimes scat), so it should come as no surprise that pig play has evolved as a form of pet play that typically involves all these things. Say “oink” when the farmer comes around with his fisting gloves — you’re in for a wild night. 

11. Beta Pup and Alpha Pup

There is nothing more fun than pupping out with another pup, which means barking, roughhousing, wrestling, licking, and rolling around on the bed with another guy that shares the pup headspace. If you’re a beta pup (submissive), you hope to pup out with an alpha — one that gets dominant when you start sniffing his groin. 

12. Slave and Master

The range of power dynamics in the world of kink can be explained by placing them on a spectrum. On one end, you have puppy play — a mild role play with a relaxed Dom/sub dynamic (some guys say there is not a Dom/sub dynamic at all). On the opposite end, you have Master/slave. Although extreme, Master/slave is still a role play — one that typically involves hardcore BDSM, leather, rubber, extreme bondage and restraint, temporary imprisonment, and long-term domestic service (washing, cleaning, yard labor, etc.), all in service of the Dom/Master. 

13. Doctor and Patient

You’ve undoubtedly seen these scenarios in porn. The restrained male patient needs an anal exam from the rugged doctor, who is conspicuously naked beneath his white coat and stethoscope. Doctor and patient role play is enhanced by a plethora of sex toys and kink supplies that fall under the “medical fetish” umbrella — speculums, metal douching nozzles, anal probes, white latex gloves, etc. 

14. Soldier and Drill Sergeant

This is a clear Dom/sub role play where the sergeant barks orders and the sub — I mean, the soldier — obeys. When sergeant tells you to drop down and lick his boots, you better drop down and lick his boots, private. Atten-shun! 

15. Ransom Victim and Kidnapper

Ransom/kidnap scenes typically involve a lot of bondage and duct tape. The full parameters of the play should be discussed before starting. Some guys might think the idea of being kidnapped and tied up is hot, but after three hours in a closet with duct tape over your mouth, you might feel differently. In the pre-play negotiation talks, you should set clear limits and boundaries. This role play is one that can be taken to extreme lengths — some guys love getting abducted from a public place and thrown in the back of a car — so you should only play with someone you know and trust (not a stranger or someone you met online). 

16. Daddy and Son

Many tops like being called “daddy” in the throes of sex, but daddy/son role play scenarios go a bit further. There is a lot of written and video daddy/son porn online, so explore the internet for ideas, because the scenarios are endless: Daddy sneaks into his son’s room at night while mommy is sleeping. Son comes home from college one day and catches his dad in the shower and decides to join. Son sneaks into his dad’s room one night to see his dad jerking off. Son forgets to clean his room and daddy decides it’s time for a spanking. Daddy and son are washing daddy’s car and they both get soaked and have to strip off their wet clothes. The fantasies are unlimited! 

17. Merman and Fisherman

Don’t lie, you’ve fantasized about walking down the beach and coming across a poor mer-boy washed ashore who needs help getting back out to sea. He will do whatever it takes. You might need to carry him. But first…. 

Aretwork courtesy of Fred Lammers. See more of his work here.

18. Baby and Parent

Baby role play commonly overlaps with diaper fetish and sometimes scat (feces) fetish. An adult baby will crawl around, cry, and eventually need someone to change his diaper.

19. Intern and CEO

For all its wincing misrepresentation of BDSM relationships, Fifty Shades of Grey touched upon a longstanding role play with a clear Dom/sub dynamic — low-level intern and executive CEO. Business tycoon and office boy. “Cancel my 3:30 meeting and crawl under my desk, boy.” 

20. Porn Star and Director

This one works great if you and your boyfriend like to film yourselves having sex. Strip for the camera as he directs you. He may eventually decide that this shoot really needs a second man, at which point he’ll begrudgingly have to step in as an actor/director. This role play obviously lends itself to groups, especially if you like to watch and direct others and be in control. 

21. Santa and Naughty Child

Christmas role play! When Santa finds out how bad you’ve been this year, he’ll have something more than coal to fill your stocking with. While a santa hat and some black leather boots should get you started, a hefty amount of playfulness and creativity is all you need to get on the naughty list this year. 

22. Cousins

This is like “brothers” role play, but considerably easier to accomplish if you do not, in fact, look anything like your boyfriend. Some guys are wigged out by immediate-family incest scenarios, but cousins? No problem. It’s perfectly acceptable to disappear off to the basement or woods during family reunions for some quality time, right?

23. Batman and Robin

The dynamic duo has been the source of superhero role play for much of the caped crusader’s long career. Their whole setup is kind of obvious, and pretty gay in itself: a wealthy older bachelor takes in a poor young house boy just to fight crime (in spandex and black rubber) every night? Please. 

See more of Philip Bonneau’s great photography here.

 

24. Batman and Superman

This power couple has inspired a plethora of gay fantasies (who’s the top? who’s the bottom?) and if you’re into cosplay, this role play is an easy one to get into. Unsurprisingly, a gay porn parody of the recent Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice movie just hit shelves.

25. Uncle and Nephew

There’s a lot of gay porn modeled after the proverbial “gay uncle” that comes by the house and messes around with his in-the-closet teenage nephew. As you can see, anyone into incest fantasies has unlimited role play options to choose from.

26. Married Couple

This is only role play if you are not, in fact, married. Everything under the sun — including the sun — can be fetishized and inspire eroticism, especially a married couple (as opposed to boyfriends or simply two gay men who play together). This milder role play involves acting like a married couple before or after sex. If you’re non-monogamous, go out and introduce each other as your husbands the next time you’re in a new city, and interested guys will flock to you. Many guys, myself included, love being the third (or forth, or fifth) for a married couple.

27. Pirate and Cabin Boy

All hands on deck! This more imaginative role play goes great with costumes and props. What submissive guy has never fantasized about being the lowly cabin boy on a ship full of rough and restless pirates? The group scenarios are very sexy, and the role play necessitates a lot of rope and a gag — opt for a torn strip of cotton cloth instead of a ball gag. 

28. Teacher and Student

The handsome, bespectacled professor needs you to stay after class. You’ve been misbehaving and it’s time for a lesson in manners. If you want to paddle your student’s bum over a wooden desk, do not use an actual yardstick, because they break easily. Invest in a good wooden or rubber paddle designed for the job. 

29. Firefighter and Rescue Victim

You do not need to light your house on fire to enjoy this role play. It will simply require some creativity, and perhaps a firefighter’s costume, which you should be able to find at your nearest costume store.

30. Policeman and Criminal

“Officer, please don’t give me a speeding ticket. I’ll do anything.” 

“Anything?” 

This old-school role play scenario is not complete without a good set of handcuffs and a black police baton — or, even better, a baton dildo. Thanks to Tom of Finland’s Kake Comics, homoerotic group police scenarios will always be part of the gay canon. 

31. Warden and Inmate

There is a lot of “prison” and “psych ward” porn on the Internet that typically involves groups, handcuffs, straight jackets, cages, and intense BDSM and ass torture (one particularly intense enema porn scene comes to mind). These should give you some inspiration when it’s time to teach your unruly prisoner a lesson. 

32. Hitchhiker and Motorcyclist

This is another Tom of Finland inspiration — one that old-guard leather enthusiasts will be familiar with. Grab a pair of daisy dukes and stick your thumb out on the side of the road — your leather-clad biker boy will surely come along and take you for a ride. 

33. Priest and Sinner

The darkly kinky undertones of penitence and adulation, glory through suffering, and asking for forgiveness on one’s knees has created an massive fetish sub-genre in which religious iconography is integrated beautifully into sex play. This darker role play can get very raunchy with a priest’s robe, a rosary, robe, anal beads, a good leather flogger, a gag, and an unbridled imagination — crown of thorns not required. 

34. Rape Fantasy

Many forms of role play involve overpowering someone or being overpowered, but as soon as you add the word “rape” to any label, it pushes the descriptor into uncomfortable territory, and in the case of “rape fantasy,” intentionally so. “Rape” is a socially and politically charged word that automatically evokes something ugly and violent — as it should. While the kinky community has always embraced pushing the sexual envelope, we draw the line at consent. We stand by three tenets: play must be Safe, Sane, and Consensual.  

That last tenet, “Consensual,” is one that does the most work combating the still-heavy stigma and misunderstandings that people seem to have for kink — namely that it is a culturally condoned form of abuse and rape. While this misconception is not true, at least for not the international majority of kinky men and women, it is simply a fact that many people fantasize about non-consent scenarios. Talking about them and addressing them goes into murky territory. If you engage in “rape fantasy” role play, it must be role play — that is, it must be consensual, a carried-out fantasy, a sexual pretend game. While you and your boyfriend can pretend that your play is non-consensual, and use bondage gear and other kink supplies to enhance that idea, you should also use safe words and establish and respect limits to make sure that what your are doing is safe and healthy.

35. Interrogator and Prisoner

Interrogation typically involves some degree of bondage and BDSM. We’ve all seen hot interrogation scenes in action movies, where the hero is tied in some kind of predicament while the bad guy and his thugs question him. He always escapes at the last minute, but while he’s tied to the chair, guys into interrogation scenes are intensely aroused. This role play may seem more like a performance than a sex play, it can also get pretty intense. Some questions can strike a painful and emotional chord in someone, especially if they are hooded and blindfolded. You should discuss beforehand emotional limits as well as physical ones: What “no-tread” topics can the top/interrogator not ask?

36. Home Invasion

You’ve see it in porn: the handsome thief in a black ski mask breaks in and sees the muscular home owner sleeping in bed (with an all-too-obvious erection beneath the sheets) and decides to take what he wants. Sometimes this scenario gets flipped on its head — the home owner knows Jiu-Jitsu or something and handcuffs the thief to the bed: “You’re going to pay for this, punk.”

While it certainly nudges closer to “rape fantasy,” some guys into home invasion are not aroused by the sex aspect of it. Some guys get off on being held up or mugged, and their fantasy may simply involve someone entering their home and stealing their money. 

37. Airport Security

If you’ve ever had a fantasy of traveling to Berlin and being stopped by the German airport personnel, strip searched by seven muscular men in uniform in a sterile backroom, and rectally examined on a cold chrome table, you might be into role play scenarios involving airport security. 

38. Fantasy Characters

The idea of being fucked by a minotaur is in the upper echelon of my hottest fantasies (their pantheon includes getting fucked by an faun, getting fucked by Rocco Steele, and being stranded on a desert island with all the guys from high school and seeing who makes me his bitch first). Fantasy and its counterparts — anime, comics, video games, mythology — are playgrounds of hot role play. Carried out, they might seem pretty elaborate and require some dedication, and probably some makeup and prosthetics, but what better weekend pastime could you have? Imagine the refusal texts: “Sorry guys, Danny and I can’t come downtown tonight, he wants to role play as a satyr so I’m dressing up as an orc and fucking the shit out of him.” 

Orcs, by the way, are so hot. 

39. Daddy-Home-Early and Yard Boy

This is one of the oldest in the book. Bill comes home from work, loosens his power tie, drops his briefcase by the door, and sees the new yard boy his wife just hired through the kitchen window — young, shirtless, and bent over transplanting sod. Bill gets stirrings he never felt before, and before long he’s stroking his enormous penis in the window when the young man turns and sees him. The two have an uncomfortable five-second staring contest, then Bill calls him in — perhaps for a glass of lemonade — and the young man struts and sweats across the yard and closes the screen door behind him. 

And that, gentlemen, is how gay porn was made.