#and that clouded their judgement in a lot of things and thats OKAY | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

voidwritesstuff · 3 months ago

Text

A Heart beat away

CW: rot,decay,animal death and worms. A lot of angst and comfort.

Summary: In humanity's new home, Fury tries to reach out to her siblings from deep within her heart.

A/N: Does this count as strife september? hes got a few scenes and mentions here (no spoilers). @darkdemeter hey there Dem, youre in for one fluffy and brotherly love filled fic. (I got emotional re-reading this when I was doing my onceover, so you know its gonna hit hard/LH/HJ)

Fury had visited this realm exactly once. It was,perhaps, the one mission she didnt have to slay her way to get done what she needed to.

Now in hindsight,the realm is quite like earth,green pastures,bovine looking animals and a few lakes scattered. The Few difference laid in mostly the Flora of this place,And the fact that as far as she knew there were very few villages.

She sits now at the edge of one of the lakes where the few humans shes now in charge of lived their lives as best as they could. She looks down at her reflection on the water before her and realizes she...looks exhausted.

A sigh leaves the black rider,as she unclasps the amulet gifted by Death. She traces the carvings, feeling the divots and edges of the runes since her gauntlets are tossed to her side with her shoes and shin armor.

The coolness of the water feels nice against the skin of her feet and calves. Few were the moments of rest she got,there was always something she could do or help with back at the village but now she can just relax since humanity has kind of settled in their New home.

With this moment of respite, comes thought. Usually,thoughts have landed her in identity crisis as her journey on earth has so ungracefully shown her. But this one might just be the worst,because as her eyes linger on the amulet she notices her mind drifts to her siblings.

First,of course, is Strife.

When they were children,before all hell broke loose in Eden,they were quite the pair. He had her back at all times, he had returned home with a broken nose just to defend her honor. Strife has always been the sibling she was closest to,at least in recent memory. To younger fury he was...her knight in shining amor,just Like the old fairytales she was told growing up.

Strife...has always had a way to make his sister feel seen,hes never been afraid of putting her in line for her own good even if she complained about it. He has dragged her away from fights she was too small to take on,And always made sure she was okay.

So now she wonders,is he okay? Was he still fending off demons back on earth? Was he hurt?.

Once again he was saving her,that persona of the knight still gleaming through gruff witt and the blood thirsty ringing and roar of his pistols.

Her eyes close as she begins to feel them burn a little,her breath shakes as the crushing worry that has been lingering within her begins to show its face. Fury has never been one to cry,even before the nephilim massacre, but Now she finds herself in need of tears and sadness.

Was she burrowing worry from the future?Was she mourning? If so what exactly was she lamenting the loss of? Her brother or the brotherhood she shared with him?

Regret,thats what began to accompany her sadness. Why didnt she spend more time with him when she had the chance? Had she known he was Jones,would she have acted differently at all?

God,perhaps she has been a bigger asshole than she thought she was. Despite her antagonism towards everyone,specially Death, she now realizes that she just...misses her brothers.

It feels like a lifetime ago,when they were still family and this old world was so,so young. The memories of playing in the mud,of strife braiding her hair in intricate styles, the silliest jokes they would whisper eachother in the dead of night when neither could sleep, the way he would rock side to side when he hugged her...it feels like it didnt happen to her at all.

But it had happened,how could she forget?

How clouded was her judgement to forget the things she had lived?.All the good memories she has forgotten and all the love she denied to have for her brothers. Deep down she knows she felt unfit, ashamed,of relying so heavily on her siblings.

All her life she has been called the dumb one,irrational. No wonder she had the need to prove herself,to go above and beyond even if it hurt and burnt those around her.

Even if she had been told to ignore the stinging words. She wonders if any of her siblings saw something in her that she did not.

Strife sure as hell did.

"In other words,you have lived" he told her after her confession of how she has been all that the deadly sins stood for. Its really mind boggling how she reached this Age and only now has she lived.

--By creator,I can almost hear the 'I told you so' -- she murmured to the wind as if her siblings could hear,its tinted with shame of herself but also fondness. It wouldnt be the first time her brothers were horribly right, and the memories of those times warms up her chest.

Perhaps they could hear her,through the Bond of the vow they took when they became the horsemen. If so she wouldnt be surprised to find them snickering And trying so save face.

However,She has never used the properties of this Bond. She doesnt know how to reach out. Thats what she gets for dismissing Death's teaching- As talented as she was with magic she really had been a stubborn mule of a student.

Perhaps its desesperation that overpowers the paralysis of not knowing how to interact with this Bond.

Fury closed her eyes,holding the Nephilim's Respit tight and focusing on her breath. She slowly feels the world fall away,her heartbeat drumming in an endless blackness whilst also thundering in her ears.

Slow beats fill the void,she sees nothing but herself standing there unsure. But Still her brain is fresh with the memories of her second eldest brother,the laughter,the bickering, old and New she holds those memories to her heart and whispers...

--Hello?

Her voice echoes, grows in pitch and suddenly the empty ebony world seems so small. Her steps are soft and unsure as she walks forward, or what she thinks is forward.

No answer comes but she sees a Long Hall of Mud bricks stained with paint. She...recognized those scribbles, which makes her turn to her right to see a beaded curtain of red.

Widened eyes begin to show the realization within herself. She turns behind her to see a dining room,a rickety old sofa and a Burning fireplace. It smells of dry herbs and that Musk Death has always carried of dead leaves during misty mornings.

It all just pushes her to Keep walking,she sees then a beaded curtain of an odd,splochy Pink. She remembers now it was all hand made,and Pink pigment was hard to attain but Death had tried his damnest to give her that indulgence.

A few more steps and shes before yet another set of blinds,the one she has been looking for. Its maroon, the color easier to make with black,red and a bit of blue pigment.

She clears her throat,feeling like this whole house is bigger than she is.--...hello?-- she hugged the amulet to her chest,feeling safe with it in her grasp.

--Fury...?--Comes the voice of strife,suddenly the air smells of Gunsmoke,the scent hits and it takes her a second to recompose from whats essentially a horse's kick to the nose in smell form

Yet theres an odd ring in the tone,it started off gruff and sounding like it belonged to a grown nephilim,but then it thinned out and cracked like a teenager.

In that moment she realizes where she is. Its her old home back in...somewhere. But before her is strife's room,and if she wasnt mistaken it always looked like a tornado of messyness came over the small bedroom.

--Strife!--She called out,her voice too now childish. Uncoordinated steps make her rush past the courtains that click and clack together with each bead that flows around her face like hanging vines against a breeze.

The decor is lost on her,disorienting like overlapping memories. And the only thing that isnt a blurr is,of course,Strife.

He wears normal,rudimentary clothes. He smiles a fanged grin and says-- Hey,there you are you runt. -- but then her saddened expression registers And he asks-- why the long face?

No doubt in her mind, the female nephilim runs to him and hugs him. The amulet falls to the floor unbroken and her arms grasp him.

--Oh WOAH! Woah easy,easy...--his hands card through her hair, the motion soothing. Its been so long since she has felt the touch of her siblings. He rocks side to side to calm her--Was it those idiots again? Did they pick on you?

Fury knows this is a vivid memory,she tries to push past it by burying her head against her brother's crook of the neck. His words slowly quieten,lowering in pitch until its no longer within her hearing range.

Leaving one only sound,her heartbeat.

She must have lingered there for hours,it certainly felt like it. Was she doing this the right way? What else was she supposed to do? Did she miss a step?

Panic began to grow within her,ready to pull away to at least seek confort in the memory she had plunged herself into.

Her ears ring and suddenly her heartbeat bursts in a dry boom that leaves her deaf and only being able to feel her pulse though her shattered eardrums.

A rapid Fire thrumm that sits between her ears,a choir that only she hears amidst being deaf. Like frenzied violins that tell her to pull back,but shes unable to.

Soon she finds out why.

Within her chest another heartbeat joins,steady Like a low drum. Curiosity overshadowed Fear as she centered in that feeling.

Thats not her pulse.

Her eyes blink with surprise as things begins to click into place,followed by the smell of gunpoweer and smoke.

--Fury?--Came the voice of a very adult strife right behind her. She turns and sees his brother,armor chipped but still standing. His voice cuts through the deafening ringing,bringing her world to a steady foundation once more when she was just about ready to freak out.

Always coming to her rescue.

--Strife! Oh thank the creator!--She whipped around and hugged her brother-- why in the nine hells was it so hard to reach you?!

The gunslinger snorted,hugging back-- thats what you get for zoning out during lectures.

--Like you fared any better

He snickered--hm,fair-- His grip tightens and his voice lowers as he revels in the embrace--This thing wont last long. Lissen,im fine. Are you okay? Are the humans safe?--he sounds..not amused at this experience,perhaps he had fared better in hearing Death's teaching.

Fury nodded-- we're just fine. Im...fine..

--Y'dont sound fine.

She shrugged and melt into the hug,shoosing her brother when he tried to speak. Even if hes a little pressed about it, he understands the message shes trying to convey.

They linger as he rocks side to side within the hug. Just like he has always done when they were kids,it makes her snicker and melt into the arms and sturdy chest of her sibling.

And just like that,shes Back to her body and present time. Bone tired but with a smile on her face.

Tomorrow she would try again.

-♡-

It was a busy day,so Busy that Fury had come back exhausted and was just about ready to go to bed at 7 p.m. when she had finally been able to free herself of all the duties she had undertaken.

She all but collapses on the bed,sluggishly taking off her armor and being able to comfortably fit underneath the covers.

Her whole body feels as heavy as concrete,her muscles Burning and her eyes slowly begining to close on their own. She managed to snatch the Nephilim's Respite amulet before she fell in a hypnagogic state.

This moment was the only thing that had kept her going through today. Her hands move on her own as she noiselessly taps on the totem with the pads of her fingers,the world around her begins to fall alway and she unconciously plunges into the Abyss.

Once again she finds herself within the void,just like she did yesterday. At least now she knows how all of this works...kind of. Kind. Of.

Shes decided that shes reaching out to War tonight,was he still chained at the council's feet? Was he alright?. She knew the worry would eat her whole,and perhaps complicate this already convoluted work of magic. Had it not been for Strife yesterday,who would know what would happen to her.

A steady breath left this representation of her,devoid of armor and weaponry with only the amulet to serve as some sort of conduit and anchor.

Like she did last time,she began to walk whilst trying to remember any of her interactions with War. She expected a memory to manifest in this realm at some point, she had a few hours to spare anyway.

Worry doesnt get a grip on her,not even a few minutes into her walk. But she does grow tired as nothing has given her a signal on where to proceed.

That is,until she begins to hear childish but loud and fast approaching steps. She turns to find herself at the bank of a muddy stream,watching Strife and Death sparr on the land across the body of water.

She feels herself caked in mud and sees a simple wooden staff thrown hastily by her side. Pieces begin to click as she recognizes this memory.

By now she must be around her mid teens,she can feel her hair shorter than how she has it now. Her hands are barely scarred and her body does feel tired but theres still that youthfull unrest within her.

--Sister! Sister!--The voice of the young nephilim that was her brother makes her look behind her again.

There he stands, a hatchling nephilim of very undeveloped features. In human ages she guessed he must be around 10. After so much time, nephilim tended to lose count on how old they were.

--Hm,Yes Child?--Shes curious as to what the kid had behind his back. She tries to sneak a look but War is quick to shift his stance and prevent her from doing so.

Messy platinum hair strewn about his soft features with a rectangle shaped- Very underdeveloped fitting for the lack of years on his life span. His white eyes look up at her with something akin to expectancy.

--I...have a gift-- He said meekly.

--Ah,so is that what you have behind your back?

He nodded,his secret found out. He clears his throat and presents his sister with an unpolished gem of black,magenta and dark pinks swirling within it. Its rough in texture but she can tell theres a feline eye line in the dead center.

--The other kids were playing around in the caves-- he began, quickly adding-- And I.. I know im not supposed to play there, I know Death said its dangerous but I stayed only at the edge!--Theres an urgency to his voice,like he is telling the truth and is desperate for her to believe him--But then I saw this!--He inches the gem closer to her-- And...I knew I had to get it for you before the others saw! There were scary bats and rats but I braved through.

Fury chuckled endeared, her eyes softening and taking the gem-- we might be able to make a warrior out of you,little one. Bats and Rats are scary, and ridden with disease.

War shudered at the idea of falling ill-- Do you like it?

She inspected the dirty gem and sat on the edge of the bank,her brother following suit with an urgency to gain his sisters favor and approval.

--Well it is quite dirty,I cannot tell-- She was just messing with the kid,but she does clean off the rough stone when her words follow silence.

Now in all its Glory, the gift can be appreciated. She smiles and turns to the young nephilim-- Its beautiful, thank you.

War squeaks and hugs his sister who relents and melts into the gesture. Her face buried in his fine,platinum hair.

Her gaze drifts to the reflection in the stream,surprised to see the grown yet youthful face of war. She blinks with stupor and pulls back, she feels his brother grow exponentially and now she has to look up to meet his snowy gaze.

--What sorcery...--He began,but then fury just gave him a shrug.

--Did you also ignore Death's teachings?

The hulking red rider looked away like an embarassed child-- The works of magic are lost on me...

--Like humor?

--Are you sure youre not strife?--He bit Back with good nature. And was that a smirk on his face?--What are you...we doing here?--He turns to see the silhouettes of strife and death locked in a dance of well timed blows and parries. But theyre blurry figures of black against the evergreen forest around them.

--do you recognize this memory? -- She asked,feeling the heat of the sun on her skin even if this was all fake. She gets a nodd to her question,however-- I just...I...-- the words get stuck in her throat. She doesnt feel right talking to him after her mistreatment of him at the chamber of the Council.

War could recognize the tone and expression. She was his sister,of course he knew. And that smirk grows into a grin --could it be...you were worried about me?

Fury almost chokes on her own spit,not used to being read so easily. She coughs out a few crude choice of Words,and her sibling all but breaks into a fit of giggles.

--you flatter me,fury--he began,trying to play nice-- Youve changed...--His voice sounds warm,genuienly happy for her. Like a Real brother.

--Earth and humanity have taught me much-- the answer is short and simple,believing she has shown too Many of her softer parts-- ...are you alright?

He sighed,the inquiry clearly has a more convoluted reply to It. He doesnt know how she Will take it, and Kinder words do not find him-- I believe they mean to...send me to the Abyss.

Fury jumps from her spot beside him,she looks at her brother with wide eyes-- what?! No,no,no War... Ill go to find you i-

The youngest nephilim takes his sister's hand. His palm massive even if both belong to the same species-- Sister,I Will handle it.

--War this is the goddamn abyss!--she yelled,temperance thrown to the wind.-- Ill go find you--She insisted as her feet shifted to help her stand up.

--You must have other duties-- he insisted, his gauntlet hand- so massive and incredibly gentle- cups the back of her head-- You three have always disregarded me for being the youngest. But i implore you to listen to me,to trust me. I Will handle it.

She couldnt live with the idea of losing yet another life time companion. The grief would eat her whole.

Fury brought her brother for a hug,the instinct of an older sister knowing she cant protect her kin-Such a raw kind of pain and Despair- was tearing her appart. She almost cries if it wasnt for the way her brother cooed to calm her as he returned the embrace with careful mindfulness of his strength.

--Sister I do not know where this worry comes from,but...it is appreciated-- his tone is still urgent-- But after I return and I make those who wronged us pay,I Will find you.

War,always so sweet with his siblings. In the end thats all he ever wanted,to be loved by his kin.

--Be safe...-- she urged, still not able to restrain this Burning urgency that claws at her throat and chest. -- By creator,be safe.

His hug tightened and he nodded.--Is it too late to ask for forgiveness for almost decapitating you? -- thats his try at humor,and she plays along like she has always done with him.

--Never--She shook her head-- but that is behind us now....brother.-- she felt him smile against her shoulder,she couldnt see it but being able to sense it made it all the better.

--Im your brother now?--Smug little blight.

--...youve always have been. I was just too blind to see it-- her grip tightens and she can all but feel his stunned expression,yet he soon melts like a child in the embrace of family.

And before she knows it, shes back to her humble abode of dark wood and thatched roof. She rolled on her back,her hands still on the amulet.

--Miss fury?--Came the voice of one of the humans from the other side of the door of her home-- Its past sundown,are you alright?

--Just fine,Gabrielle. --Her voice is groggy and a little strained as she swallows the knot in her throat-- I Will be out in a moment.

--Alright,Please come by in the morning. Angie insists on having you over for breakfast.

Fury snickered-- tell the little runt ill be there. And I might just find her something interesting tonight. -- Angie reminded her of War so much,not only in appereance but her trouble seeking nature and that inherit sweetness to her. The little human might just get along with her brother.

--Very well-- the smile on Gabrielles face is audible,and the rider then proceeds to get ready. Her ears trained on the steps of the mortal growing quieter.

There was only one more sibling to check up on.

And already,she began to dread the encounter.

-♡-

Fury tried to stall the encounter for a few good days,the guilt and shame too much for her. After everything, after almost stealing his place...

How could she be so disrespectful?

The image of Lust's illusion makes her stomach churn, makes her sick. She knows now that she does not want her siblings to kneel...

Simply...she wanted to be respected,perhaps just wanted to be acknowledged. Just like War. And just as simply,she dreaded to meet her eldest brother's eyes and see reflected in them her hubris.

Death had Many faults,but he was a leader all in all. And now shes wise enough to admit that she needs guidance, because being humanity's protector was hard.

Humans...they were riddled with worries and the uncertainties of what was to come for their entire species. She knew the raw fear of survival,a part of that was why she accepted to become a horseman...aside from her loyalty to her family.

She knew that she could not handle such crisis,she felt like an arrow threaded by her own unsteady pulse. And with no-one else to turn to,shes forced to confront her fear not only for her but for humanity too.

After a bit of walking she found a spot with a bit of decayed vegetation. How bugs and maggots Fed from the dead Bark, an endless cycle of death and rebirth.

Fury sighed,sitting with her knees to her chest. She remembers when she was younger,they came across a dead carcass of a hunt Now spoiled.

She remembers being squeamish at the sight,but Death Gently nudged her forward and reached for the animal's skull.

--Its just part of life,Fury-- he commented with a voice soft,patient, almost coldly indifferent at the passing of the animal-- Hunt and hunter,life And death. Its a sacred balance, it died and we...

He uses his sword to sever the head of the animal,and kneels as he carefully begins to clean off the decayed fur. Theres a practiced ease to his movements,he cleans it off as best as he can and when hes done he presents the skull to his sister.

--Icky...-- She commented,kneeling to see the bovine skull with a mix of disgust and awe.

--Perhaps. Death Is a sight to behold-- the older nephilim Noted,understanding of the disgust but also amused-- But be keen,look-- as he talks,he points at the maggots and then Gently shooshes his sister as a flock of vultures feed on the carcass-- Its important to this world. Decay,rebirth,theyre woven together. And it can be...beautiful.

Fury tilted her head,eyes falling to the corpse. --I dont understand.

-- think of this...-- he began,scooping a Mass of worms. His sister recoils with a snarl-- They feed the vultures alongside this cow. We eat this Cow, just like it Ate of the Grass. Its Decay feeds the earth and the cycle begins anew. Just because you dont understand it, it doesnt mean its not important.

He lets go of the Mass of maggots who burrow underneath. He cleans his hands and grabs the skull,to then help his sister up.

--So..the Earth feeds itself, thats it?--The eldest nodded-- I dont see the Beauty in it.

Death snorted-- Beauty comes in Many ways,Child. Like this skull, I believe War Will like it.

--I dont like it

--And just because you do not,it doesnt mean War wont like it either. Perhaps youll find Beauty in this cycle from a different lense-- He offered his hand-- Come now.

And young fury took it as shes guided deeper into the forest for foraging. Trusting of her brother's words.

In time she did find Beauty in death,mainly for the association to her eldest brother. Seeing Decay and blight always made her feel that her brother was close, that she wasnt alone. that her once guiding light, was always showing her the way even if he wasnt physically there.

She centers in that, and that memory just now. She can already feel the crunching of leaves and her steps across the field. Its only noise and touch,still dark as only the void could be.

The more she walks,the more she expected to turn and see her brother holding a bovine skull tucked between his arm and ribs,but nothing ever did appear.

It wasnt time to freak out, why would she? It took her a long time to find strife perhaps death is much the same. He was the oldest after all and perhaps magic wouldnt behave the way it was supposed to- she knew Many things could mess with such powers.

But a solid hour went by and nothing appeared,and to worsen the fear she began to feel the Grass give way to hard cobblestone and everything she could hear was only whistling wind that choired like souls in sheer lament.

Death was...death, perhaps thats what caused the sudden change,surely she was growing closer to him by that logic- or so Fury told herself just so panic and frenzy didnt take hold of her.

--Playing hard to get?--She asked to the void,looking around into an emptyness so consuming, so endless that it swallowed her sight with no sense of depth-- You old bag of bones,do me the courtesy of meeting me half way.

Her voice carried no bite,her teasing smile unstably quivering and teethering the line between faux calmness and mania.

--Youre even hiding Dust from me,are you?--She kept going,trying to believe her own lie that she wasnt completely alone.-- Dust! Come here! I May just have seeds for you.

But not even the cawing of crows met her ears.

Its such a deafening silence,even her meek and fearful steps startle her every time she hears them,she didnt understand where the cobblestone path came from..an overlapping memory?

Whatever the answer it all ended un the same thing: Fury,terrible engine of rage and rider of the black horse,felt herself beaten by fear.

Was there a way to brute force this? That was her first instinct. Could she pull her brother by the ear and yank him down to meet her here in this realm?

Death more than anyone should be able to fully sense her reaching out.

--This isnt funny anymore,brother!-- She began,the nickname so foreign as she began to run towards what she believed to be forward. Her heels echo on a stone floor she cannot see and each frenzied step she takes terrifies her more and more.

Brother.

When was the last time shes genuinely called him that?

--Brother!-- she called out again,voice wavering-- Death where in Oblivion are you?!

She must have ran for hours,until her legs quiver and falls. Overcome by worry and grief she screams,ripping her throat and clawing at the black floor that has no depth and is nauseating to stare at.

Were those tears falling? Her face felt so warm,she felt so lost.

No guiding light.

No knight to come to her rescue.

Curled in a ball she sniffs loudly and cries,perhaps her tears pool on the ground or they dont. She can see anything, she can only hear her heaving sobs filled with mucus and gasping breath that grates her throat into fine sand.

Her brother would not be so cruel.

She knew him.

But she couldnt find him,not in this place.

--Where are you...?-- she asked,a voice barely audible. She has never felt so defenseless even with her armor on, just like a child lost in the forest.

And all the while the cobblestone floor texture taunted her,only then does she recognizes the choir,the whistling of the wind she had forgotten about in her fear.

She needed an anchor,something to calm her before she can try to pull away from this place. "Be keen" the rider told herself,as ever so slowly the whistling became singing and moaning of souls.

And then...blue light,it lights up her path. She looks up,made a mess of tangled hair and reddened face.

Large is the arch a few feet away her,she doesnt understand what is going on. She Begged for death to show,and only souls heeded her call.

One final glimmer of insight comes to her, souls answering the call of the reaper. She always found Death's description of his role as flamboyant theatrics,but by now she Will take whatever this place gives her.

Still,her walk is uneven and stumbling. Her breath burns her lungs with her throat scratched deeply by her despair,and yet one step and then another she approaches the arch.

Her trail marked by something that gives her some calm. Crow feathers,guiding her like a mournful path of breadcrumbs past whats behind the carved stone looming over her.

Blue light wraps around a circle platform,shes puzzled that the trail ends at the very end of whatever this was.

--Death...?--The name sparks a surge of pure energy that breathes overwhelming life into her and just as quickly takes it away, euphoric and disorienting. With it comes the flash of blue and she begins to see skull phantoms began to float in and out from the blue gossamer sheen.

She follows the path to the end,unsure of what else to do. She looks past the low wall and into the center of the light, she finds no answer and pulls back.

Theres a pulse in the air now that shes close to this source of power,she recognizes the slowness of it. Only one person she knows has a resting heart rate of 40.

Perhaps this is just a stupid prank, and she really doesnt like it.

In her disdain she pulls back,only to knock down something that clatters to the ground making a sound like bone on rock. It only puzzles the rider,and as she looks down at the object all breath is pulled from her.

That stupid,Freaky bone mask of her brother laid on the ground.

She picks it up with shaking hands and asks--Where...where are you.-- She asked,no answer given-- Where are you?!-- she screamed,her fear pulsing through the Bond across this realm. The place swells up at the sheer energy she displays-- Death! Come here right now!

Her voice like a fearful Bark,she Holds the mask to her chest fearing the worst. The whistling of souls still in her ears, coming and going in a cycle.

A cycle.

--Oh,no...-- fury's tone shakes with realization. Finally the place shes in makes sense.

This is a Well of Souls.

And by all indicators...her brother was dead.

What a horrible thing to understand. How could this happen doesnt matter now. Fury gives up her fight and collapses to the ground, slowly Losing her mind to her grief.

She expected to hit the ground roughly,but the impact never comes. She feels cold as strong arms hold her up,and though she cant see through her tears she hugs whatever is gripping her.

Theres no words,nothing to say other than-- Im sorry,im so sorry. Please dont be gone,please dont be gone.

--Im not gone,child-- the voice of death himself is devoid of any teasing bite or sardonic grit. He settles his sister on the floor and hugs her with a gentleness so unbecoming of him.

--...why didnt you answer-- she can barely talk from how hurt her throat is.

--Its hard to hear,among the dead.

--Why...why are you dead?! What happened...!

--To ressurect humanity...I had to make a sacrifice. -- he cooed,gently stroking her hair.

--Nothing Is worth more than your life...

The old reaper sighed,hugging his dear kin tight-- I hoped for humanity's rebirth to be the freedom of War.

She scoffed bitterly and began to tell him about what she spoke with War,what happened to humanity and how theres only few survivors now. Death seemed to...deinflate at the news,but not all was lost.

Afraid,meek and feeling too weak to fight her pride she says--I dont want to lose any more people I care about--And just like a child,she asks-- Will I see you again?

Death nodded-- Surely. Life is a cycle. And i do believe our work is not done.

Fury sighed and cuddled closer-- Im sorry,im so sorry for everything Ive done to you...

He could never hold a grudge towards his siblings. He shakes his head and closes his eyes,his face pressed on the side of her skull.

--nobody knows your fury more than me,there is no ill Will I could hold to you. Youre still my sister.

--But ive been awful to you

Even in his untimely demise,Death had to fight the fear of vulnerability--my love for you three is unconditional.

Life hasnt been easy,and neither of the four have made the best of desicions. But still they prevailed,and so did their Bond.

The pale rider pulls away to wipe the tears of his sister,humming under his breath a gentle lullaby to sooth her. She slowly evens out her breath and when calm returns, her brother pulls back her hair with his spindly fingers and says.

--Youve grown much,sister.--Was that pride in his voice and face?

Only now she realizes,thats his actual face. Its been so long since shes seen it.

--I...couldnt fight it.-- she admitted --But...I did try.

A warm chuckle left the eldest-- I'd be worried if you didnt. -- he rests on his knees and goes to pull back a strand of wine red hair that got into his sister's mouth-- Its not easy being a leader. But surely youll find your way.

She snorted-- Since when are you so...soft?

The world makes him snarl-- Rid it of your mind. --He began,looking away at the ground-- looks like we have both grown. There Is much I must make up for.

Fury was in no mood to fight-- I dont know...anything. I dont know how to handle the human's fears and worries. I just...

--You dont understand? -- Its like hes recalling that same memory she did before all this. He sounds just a little smug,good to see not all of his nature got lost.

She sighed with disdain,knowing fully well what followed-- Suppose so.

Death pulls back his hands to rest them on his lap with his usual slouch akin to a shrimp-- worry is only natural,given their state. There is no rule book for leadership,I would just advice to follow your instinct. I believe youre finally of sound judgement

--Is that supposed to be a compliment?--Fury chided.

He smirked--You ask too much of me,sister.

The she horseman pulled her brother for a hug and decided to enjoy the company before the spell ended. He seem to catch on and hug back with no fight or complaint- He missed being a brother,so here he is.

--We'll bring you back-- She promised under her breath.

--We'll see eachother again-- His voice is so certain, it calms her and gives her a fixed point as she begins to lose the sensation of his touch and the world around her.

She now sees the sunset embracing this realm, she holds nothing but air but the smell of dead leaves and humidity cling to her. A final gift.

--At least you finally get some rest-- she commented towards the decayed tree,noting that within the trunk lays a single bird skull with feathers still clinging to it.

Fury grabs it and carefully cleans it on her way back to the human village. Her eyes are puffy from crying but she breathes in and out,she has had enough for today.

Eventually she reaches the human settlement and greets the mortals who dont comment on her tired appereance. Yet she does make a stop to hand the skull to little Angie,who acts a bit disgusted but intrigued.

--Why give me this?-- Asked the child.

--My brother taught me something, little one-- she kneeled to eye level-- The world is very scary for all of Us now. But your kin Will rise again. Just like after winter comes spring. -- she felt so silly saying it but nevertheless she does-- Its a cycle. Right now you feel scared and unsure,but you Will find your place here. All of you Will

Angie's face was a clear sign that the cogs in her head were turning-- I.. think I get it. Uhm thanks miss fury-- the child smiled brightly,warm as the Fire of the rider's youngest sibling-- Uhm..stay for dinner?

Fury's eyes met the gaze of Gabrielle who nodded reassuringly. She then returns to the girl and picks her up-- Very well. -- as they walk she begins to humm a tune,a single lullaby for herself.

The child she holds perks up-- You know it too?--The rider looked at her puzzled-- Jones sung it to me once,made me Real sleepy.

Priceless was the face the she-horseman made,taking just a split second to guess the circumstances that brought this kid to know such an old tune. She chuckles and shakes her head dismissively--Funny. My brother sung it to me,too.

Angie smiled-- Is he as sweet as Jones is?

Fury tapped on the amulet absentmindedly and looked past the window of the kitchen where a family was playing. She knew their story,an eldest brother in charge of taking care of his siblings with no guide other than his heart and witt. Much like Death when he was given the role of care taker.

With a chuckle she answered-- Even sweeter. He can be a bit of a handful sometimes-- she rolled her eyes as she recalled Death's and Strife's dramatic appereances-- Both of them actually, Sooo dramatic.

The child snickered--Jones told me I remind him of his youngest brother...William was his name?

Fury has to hold back a snort. 'William? Really?" She thought-- Hm,you remind me of my youngest brother too. In looks and demeanor. You little trouble maker-- she sets down the kid and ruffles her hair who giggles at the interaction And tries to stop the nephilim from messing with her fine locks.

The black rider knew her journey was far from done,and eventually she Will reunite with her siblings. But until then, she is not as alone as she thinks she is.

She has a family waiting for her here,and beyond all these realms. After all they were just a heartbeat away.

#cw animal death #cw worms #tw animal death #tw worms #ask to tag!#darksiders 3 #darksiders 2 #darksiders 1 #darksiders genesis #darksiders fury #darksiders strife #darksiders death #darksiders war #darksiders horsemen

26 notes · View notes

terraliensvent · 2 months ago

Note

I’m not defending the anon you’re all dogpiling, but it is an extremely chronically online take to say that 19 and 16 is a “weird” age gap for serious conversations. The trauma dumping should not have happened, and it is the older person’s responsibility to cope with their issues themselves… But sometimes we blurt things out when we’re not in a healthy state of mind. I’m sure a lot of us can say that we’ve unintentionally trauma dumped on someone before when they come to us and ask “hey are you doing okay? do you wanna talk about it?” and we just let the floodgates open.

Maybe I’m just being too sympathetic as someone who’s been in a dark place and has spewed my trauma on friends who try to comfort me. But I guess the difference is that gin needs to acknowledge that they can’t just continuously vent their life issues on some stranger on the internet. Having a support group is good, but you never know when someone you think is your friend will screenshot all your DMs with them and then post them online, right? lol

In all seriousness, I genuinely hope that gin wakes up one day and realizes that they NEED to just take a step back from social media and work out their problems offline. This is not healthy and they seem to just be prone to drama. I think both sides of this argument have their good and bad takes. The 16 y.o probably shouldn’t have publicized this in a whole document, and gin obviously should not have dumped their life problems onto them.

post related

thats why i said IN MY OPINION, it is weird. it is their responsibility to check who theyre talking to, and if it were hypothetically a more egregious gap, like for example 23 and 16, it would still be weird to me for them to use the younger person as a crutch. im not even saying you cant do small vents to your minor friends, this post put it pretty well and its one thing to say "yeah im just having a tough time right now," vs "hey are you ok?" "yeah i just stopped taking my meds and im coping with alcoholism," its also an issue to me that veal seemingly had to manage civ to the point of making sure they go to class and do their morning routine, and when veal was offline for an hour civ spammed them.

having a bad mental state can be an explanation for clouded judgement, but i think its still the responsibility of the older person to make sure theyre staying in line (and if they dont, to properly acknowledge the behavior was wrong, NOT defend it and act like it wasnt a big deal)

theres also the discrepancy that, to my knowledge, civ and veal barely knew each other. the doc says they only met around the terra revolution in April, which means they'd only have been online friends for around 5 months at that point. being online friends with someone is a LOT different than being irls, and it is a lot to dump on someone out of the blue, especially someone who's only in high school.

i do agree though, civ severely needs to get offline, seek professional help, and build a support system irl. the way these issues just pop up continually shows a trend that maybe being so online isnt good for them

#closed species vent #closed species #terralien #terraliens #vent #civ

3 notes · View notes

tadpoles-and-daydreams · 7 months ago

Note

idk if i can be anon for this but i want a reading!! (if thats fine with u ofc) ermm my initials is M.W and idk can it just be a general reading? thank u!!

Hello! You can absolutely be anon, it's no issue.

I'm sure the more I do these it'll be clear I always say this, but it's never a lie; this was so fun to do! Thank you for the request. I hope this resonates, and please let me know if it does/doesn't and such! Even if just the form of an ask, I love hearing back from people. (however, there's no pressure! I understand that sometimes that can be a bit intimidating.)

"What do they need to know right now?"

Ten of Swords reversed: Victimhood, Restoration, Transformation. Letting go of what doesn't serve you anymore, this is a card of re-evaluation on all levels. Things are changing, and that's okay- people change. It's scary, you're probably having to learn to let go of things that maybe you valued a lot; but they're not who you are now, are they? This is a time of huge transformation, and growing up is hard, but sometimes it needs to happen. (Ironically, I listen to music during these readings, and Contractual by Chase Petra came on. I'm not claiming that if you give it a listen you'll relate to it, it's just a funny thing I noticed and I felt the need to say so since it's... comically relevant, in a way.)

The Empress upright: Goddess, Femininity, Mother Earth. Straight from the guidebook, "In short, go enjoy yourself!" In a time of major transformation in which you're letting go of old parts of yourself, or your life, it can feel like life or death- go take a break. You don't need to figure it all out in a day, you can take some time for yourself! You should, even. Do what nourishes your soul. This could also be a call to connect with more feminine energies, even your own femininity if you struggle with it- but to me this feels very strongly like a call to invest in yourself and take some down time.

Justice upright: Law, Objective, Fair. Take accountability, and hold others accountable. With the other cards in mind I would take this as looking objectively at the situation and not letting your emotions cloud your judgement. Be honest and fair. Lay all the facts out and look at things with logic. Since I wasn't quite sure how to interpret Justice within the overall reading, I asked for a clarification card and got- King of Wands upright: Natural Leader, Visionary, Entreppreneur. This sounds to me like it's a reminder to look at your passions, your goals, with an objective viewpoint. Keep going towards those things! But think about it clearly; can you continue towards what you want without letting certain things go, like the ten of swords is talking about? Maybe there's a bias in the way and the justice card is telling you to look at that. You have the skills to lead, and to make your way towards those goals, just make sure you're being logical in the way you pursue them. This could be a warning against letting those passions get the better of you and using underhanded means to pursue your goals, as well.

The Tower upright: Destruction, Abrupt Change, Lightning. I know, I know. It's a scary card to get. But, as a Loki devotee, I feel like this card is given a bad rep. With the other cards in this reading, I feel like this is about a change that's ultimately for the better. Sudden change, terrifying change, destroying the life you've built- but all so a better one can take shape. Things might feel out of control, and likely it's because they are- The Tower implies a change that rocks your whole world, cuts to the core of who you are and makes you re-evaluate who you are as a person. The guidebook uses the term "rude awakening," and I feel like that fits. It's not fun- but it's needed. Be gentle with yourself, because change is scary, and ultimately move forward with power. "With destruction comes creation."

Strength upright: Fierce, Endurance, Courage. This, undeniably, tells you that you CAN get through this. Maybe you feel otherwise- judging by the other cards, this change is probably not an easy one. But you are growing, and you can handle this change with courage and a strong presence that you may not know yourself to be capable of. Forgive me for adding my personal experiences in; but sometimes, you find the strength to deal with situations as those situations happen. Sometimes, the "world-ending" thing you've been afraid of happening is EXACTLY what causes you to grow and become a stronger person for it. Strength is a card that reminds you of self-control, inner power, and your ability to step into it. This reading is not an omen, it's not telling you your life is ending; it's telling you it's beginning. Listen to that.

Overall, big changes are coming- or maybe they've already happened. What I'm getting is a reminder to take control of what you can in this situation, steady yourself, and step into your power. Allow yourself to feel things, grieve the loss of whatever you're letting go of if need be- as The Empress implies, take time to yourself, whatever that looks like. Then move forward in life, because you can and you're going to prove it.

That being said, If you liked it and are financially able to tip, here's my Ko-Fi! If not, then no hard feelings, as this helps me show people what my readings look like! This one was about half the max size of a (basic, not in-depth) paid reading, so it's not the best example. Here's my Ko-Fi if you'd like to tip, or for anyone who wants to go check it out:

#tarotblr #tarot reading #tarot #tarot reader #witchblr #pagan witch #witchcraft #witch blog #witch community #Frog's tarot readings

2 notes · View notes

cleetus42 · 11 months ago

Text

day two of taking 40mg instead of 20.

i want to rest for eternity. i want things to take care of themselves. i want to not be bound by the obligations of this world.

last night i felt this weird anticipation feeling, as if i'd been sorry for myself for too long and now i had to get back up and deal with everything i havent yet.

i realised i was just hungry.

yesterday the drive with my dad was nice. the sky was somewhat clear and the clouds were moving fast. i saw a rainbow, but not the kind you always see. it was like an oil spill i guess. really pretty.

i enjoy talking to my dad. my mum too. with my dad however i feel like there's this recognition? being seen when i talk. sometimes he doesnt understand me and thats okay. i have Allah for that. but its nice.

im happy the most major male influence in my life is positive.

i watched the x files pilot yesterday. i was thinking about watching it for a while. i browsed around looking for some deep dive or video essay for the x files ps2 game. couldnt find any. it terrified me as a child, but im curious about it now.

i may watch a streetcar named desire. just for the sake of it. theres a lot of things i want to watch.

played sims 3 too recently. i had bonehilda in my sims house. i wish i had a bonehilda.

im going to go eat breakfast, then ask Allah if i should consider getting everything together now, or if i should wait a little. im not that good of a judgement of how much energy i have to do things. i hope Allah helps me with it. ameen.

#clee's log ♡

0 notes

opal-owl-flight · 2 years ago

Text

Its time to go home.

It took a week.

After Mags convinced Galacta of the change in Storm, it took a week for them to convince the Wardens to set him free.

Its really hard to convince the defenders of the galaxy to release a being that has the potential to wipe out the galaxy. A being that nearly wiped the entire race off of the star charts once again. A being that caused widespread misery and destruction across the galaxy.

But Mags is willing to fight tooth and claw for this kid. Nova-dammit, hes going to do everything he can so that this kid will continue to receive the love that he needs.

“The reason why he did that in the first place was because he was scared!!! He was angry because he was never given what he needed!!! Trapping him there would only fan those flames, dont you agree?”

While Mags was out there, the Wardens decide to see things for themselves. Has Storm really changed? Its not that they dont trust Mags’ word — they just want to make sure. There may be a chance that the mage’s judgement was clouded by emotion.

So what do they do? They conduct interviews with the kid. Asking him about his backstory, his current thoughts, his power…and a lot more. They probably force him to spill things he doesnt want to tell them. And he doesnt know why.

He doesnt know that hes being processed to see if hes fit to be freed. All he knows is that these Knights are coming in, grilling him with questions he doesnt always want to answer (or know the answers to), with some of them even intimidating him to confess thoughts or actions he doesnt even have or have done…and the worst part is, he hasnt seen his papa for that entire time period.

He felt as if hed been abandoned again.

Its not like Mags didnt want to see him…he wasnt allowed to. The Wardens fear that he may influence the kid, give him hints on whats going on. For that whole week, Mags was worried sick about Storm. Kept in the dark on the details of the processing.

It wasnt until he sees him again that he sees the damage done.

The flinch when the door was opened.The frazzled fur. The fear in his eyes before he recognized who it was thats come to visit him. Oh, the boy acted tough during the whole visit. Told Mags that he was able to handle everything. He didnt want to be rejected by him, be left behind again because he was “acting like a weakling”.

Mags knew it was a front. All of it. But his fury will have to wait. After an apology, and telling him of the Wardens not allowing to see him…Storm happily forgave him for everything. He wasnt even mad at all. Just…happy.

Mags only smiles as he listens to Storm telling him how brave he was. Then he tells him stories of his own past adventures. Adventures where he was scared. Adventures that made him more…honest with what hes feeling. Trying to tell Storm that its okay to be afraid. He wished so desperately to tell him that he’ll be freed the next day. But hes not allowed to. The Wardens fear a sudden change of power that they may not be able to control or a reveal of a betrayal. They are still afraid of him.

And then the signal sounds. And Storm’s facade comes crashing down. As Mags turns to leave, the child called to him, with pure desperation in his voice…begging him to set him free, take him home. He strained against the crystal, crying, pleading…

He doesnt want any more questions. He doesnt want to be left alone again. Not with the Knights. He wants to go home. He wants to be with his papa.

Mags, against the Wardens’ wishes, stays right there beside the child the entire night. Galacta allows him — he cant stand hearing this kid cry anymore. Its painful. Even for him.

Pure relief sweeps through Storm…happy to be with Mags for the whole night, for once. More stories. More songs. More gentle headpats. He wishes that the night will last forever…

But he doesnt have to wish for an endless night to keep experiencing this kind of safety and love.

Because once he wakes up the next morning… hes already cradled in his papa’s hands.

#kirby #kirby fanart #kirby oc #magolor #rising storm #opal owl’s nest #EXCUSE ME IM GONNA GO CRY SOME MORE #PLEASE THIS KID HAS GONE THROUGH SO MUCH #yeah they took the seal off while he was asleep #Mags insisted that they do it like so. kid needed sleep #you better believe Storm clung on Mags for several days after

53 notes · View notes

attex · 2 years ago

Note

PLEASE ELABORATE ON PK HAVING OCD IM INTRIGUED

okay its mostly me just vibing with it big time but . ill try . Primarily interpretation off of canon . bolded for closer to canon ideas or what eva

He ruminates on things constantly. That is more of a personality thing, but I imagine him having repetition based rituals with phrases. This happens with everything he does, all the time.

Say he's working on some constructs; there is always a constant chant he has to repeat to at least feel like things will work out at all. It's at the state of him not bothering to go against it (the worst state compulsions can be in, IMO). He does this with a low voice, others can hear him whispering to himself. This obviously causes a lot of lapses in concentration.

I imagine this also linking to his "odd" behavior- like refusing to be visible to the public. It isn't just a random quirk, there is a slight element of unease and paranoia aside from being socially ambivalent (related to not grasping the social norms of normal bugs). Too bad mate you're literally a god so people worship you LOL...

Crowds are overwhelming, the same applies to talking to normal bugs who don't act anything like you do. Not to mention obsessions spiking up when stressed out. Plus, if he is doing something "unnecessary", he won't be able to overwork himself to give in to the comforting certainty of a routine+ritual combo.

Another much heavier headcanon of mine; he takes notes of every single thing rigorously. Counting, timing and repeating yet again.

Back to the ruminating, I'll say things not standing the test of time is the thing he fixates the most on. It gets applied to everything, a constant fear induced obsession. Said obsession clouds judgement, no matter how rational he is.

Also, I doubt foresight applies infinitely, it must have a limit for certain. You could say foresight would make someone less anxious- however it could easily be a nightmare if you add in a bit of neuroticism.

I take his failure to accept (or avoidance of) temporality as an intrinsic fear of disarray and (perceived) imperfection since that is related to his primary obsession.

okay sorry if this is written horribly AND IS VERY DISAPPOINTING i feel like im a bit too sleep deprived to be coherent atm and i had such a hard time putting everything into words and even then this feels horribly incomplete and not enough . maybe later in the future i could write a more in depth interpretation analysis but idk . half of this is barely anything close to canon bcz even if theres so much shit about him theres also nothign about him at the same time its fucking insane i feel so much about him but also nothing about him . its lowkey hard af to put ocd into normal words and have it Look as punchy as it Feels for real because its nearly all irrational and even when it has rationality in it its drenched in deep falseness makign it very unclear . excuse me if he jsut sounds autistic as fuck (he just does in my brain plus a lot of obsessional and ritualistic behavior is easily tangled together in these two things anyways but thats besides the point) i might regret this later this sucks

#ask #hebesbrutus #hexatxt

21 notes · View notes

osdd-1bitch · 3 years ago

Note

// partly a vent? but also if you have any type of advice as to what i can do pls say,, gotta be honest im still INSANELY fucked on if im a system or not :( for a while i was dead set on it but i ended up just not saying anything to my therapist and fell back into that "ok no thats not me, im just a really vivid daydreamer" mindset.

then your blog auto-popped up as i was typing and i clicked it and im back to that "maybe" thing. im just so conflicted rn ughhh goddamnit :( ive been having an extremely stressful past few weeks (no specifics but alot of my trauma resurfaced, alot of shit triggered me, similar traumatic situations etc) and i missed both of my therapy sessions the past 2 weeks, so ive kinda reverted back to being dependant on alters who im not even sure are alters or not. and even THEN im not sure how to bring up to my therapist that i think i may have OSDD or DID?? like idk how im gonna come back after 2 weeks and say "hey btw all this traumatic shit came back up and i think i might be a system bc i talk to people in my head who arent me lol but anyways can i use ur fidget cube?" ??? SO much has happened and im really debating on just pushing down that it might be osdd/did and pretending nothing is wrong for the sake of keeping myself mentally stable yk ?? gotta say i just dont know what to do at all. lets also not forget im 13 and shouldnt even have to deal w this much stress EVER but dfghgtf. im just really struggling to tell if this is my maladaptive daydreaming or DID man :(

MaDD and plurality are weird to work w, especially since MaDD can and often is be caused by trauma and there are some expressions of MaDD that one could put on the plural spectrum. Its mucky either way and can suck to deal with

before i continue, id like to say our experience on therapy has...not been great so ill refrain from giving therapy specific advice for fear of our past experiences clouding our judgement, but you can share the trauma bits and get some help without talking about plurality. the rings system did some videos that might help about talking to a therapist,red flags ect, lovely folks, you should give em a watch if you havent. either way id say you prolly shouldnt bring this up yet, but info is also good in general

and also, some personal advice, be very very careful on the internet, especially social medias at your age. we were in your shoes once and it did fck us up quite a bit

either way, i seriously doubt youll be taken seriously, not in a bad way, full grown adults struggle to get help. and stressing about specifics can just lead to, you guessed it! more stress. its totally fine to drop all lables and just exist for a while and try and do whatever, talking w sysmates or daydreaming whatever, you dont have to name these experiences for now, just live them. doubt is weird, and youll almost def be wout dxing for a few years either way.

just live your life, try not to bring up trauma wout professionals, and be very safe on the internet, and preferably get off tumblr and move somewhere safer, its really not a place for people your age. i know you probably wont listen to that bit much, but at least be extra super safe.

self dxing can take years btw. its not really a matter of weeks, lived experience and analyzing yourself and just questioning takes a lot of time. take it slow

and its totally fine if its not did. or madd. or either. dont stress, dont try and conform yourself to dxes and stuff rn, especially since you are both v young and just started questioning. im not saying your age means you shouldnt, if you have did you have it rn, but things can take time to come to light. just b honest w yourself and open to the options, mkay? self dxing is a lot of research on top of the work. if you started questiong round now tbh many systems if they questions at your age would get a dx or self dx at like 15,16,17 ect ect, and thats if they question. do what helps you and talk to your therapist, you dont have to mention did but talk about questioning disorders and junk.

this sorta age is when figuring yourself out rlly starts to happen yknow? that doesnt mean you should be cornered off n stuff, n kept away from dxes, but it also means you should be very careful n research a ton. if you find smth you resonate w it, keeping it in the maybe pile for a year or two can seem like its a long time, but will help a ton in the end, if its true or not. if its stressing you out a ton, its okay to not think about it for a bit, you have time.

and again, please please please try and get off social medias they can mess w your head a lot, and try not to share your age online again. im torn abt publishing this n may delete this ask n repost the response, but im not sure

tldr:

i dont wanna tell you to not question or identify symptoms, but things change a lot n you are just dipping your toes into life. take things slow and sit on them, thats the best advice given to us at your age. you could be absolutely right, you could be confused, you could be dead wrong, and all of these are okay. just keep yourself open, research and rlly think abt it (like months of thinking abt it) before it can age properly in the maybe bin. and also be safe online, dont share your age and stuff n keep off toxic n inapropriate sites like this best you can. options are open and symptoms can change over time. just exist and take note of things. dont stress over lables, n self dx should stay in the possibly-maybe bin for now, itll be worth the wait

#anon #advice tag #dealing w trauma disorders at a younge age sucks a lot #n ik being young can make everything seem fadt n easy #but its rlly not i promise #ppl question sht for years #some things change n turn out to b diff #ik its rlly hard but take it v slow #n also go to bed on time #n Please get off of tumblr or at least b safer #im rlly only publishing this bc you r on anon #w no tags or anything #i feel a lot of ppl dismiss ppl who question at younga ges #n often for v good reasons but outright #dissmisal i think itsnt right #just know things can b v diff in a few yrs okay?#(also yall should i delte or nah? torn rn)#caps cw

10 notes · View notes

karliesbuzzcut · 4 years ago

Note

Original anon here again. I actually came back to say we are probably on the same page still but let me clarify before anons come for me dismissing her pain. Back then it was pretty well known that the first reporter to report about Joe was a Scooter guy. This lead to the balcony photo of Joe and Taylor in TN. I think that was her way of controlling the narrative. So this sort of started Taylors distrust with Karlie IMO. FF to now, I feel like Taylor probably learned more about what happened, especially maybe even from Katy. But I digress, Taylor called Karlie a crook and I think it's referencing stealing information about her and telling Scooter. And that it was probably about Joe and yes that is a huge betrayal to Taylor and I get that.

I think what I mean is I think it's been years and there is no reason for Taylor to send her fans Karlies way was my only point. You can write a song without publishing it. I think she has every right to call out Karlie ext. Its just again I think its Taylors relationship with Swifties thats bugging me about it. She knows how they are. I have been critical when she dog whistles them to be honest. Like when she encouraged them to go after artists that work for Scooter. Or even what just happened with that Netflix show.

Karlie did have a personal betrayal and I do think Taylor has a right to be pissed. Its just maybe I also believe Karlie has the right to he left alone??? I don't know maybe my judgement is being clouded by the toxic side of Swifties. But Taylor cant claim innocence in not knowing how they act when she chooses to utilize them sometimes. Look how they behaved after The Archer. TBH its one of the reasons I dont claim to be a swiftie, its kind of embarrassing. Anyways that was my point. We all love the relationship and intimacy we get with Taylor but sometimes maybe some things can be handled privately and you can leave pregnant women out of it.

Oh Anon, we might share the same brain after all and I should just stop trying to fight it... because I do see your point.

I’ve been having this conversation with several people lately (swifties and non-swifties) and a lot of them have told me that it isn’t Taylor’s fault how fans react. And while that is somehow true, I refuse to believe that her fans’ reactions (and subsequent actions) don’t cross her mind.

I realise I’m opening a glittery can of worms here, but I’m hopeful —since some days have passed— we’ve all calmed down a bit.

But yeah. Especially after the whole Netflix fiasco, I understand that a lot of fans are side-eyeing some of her past actions. She does seem to love dropping bombs and then leaving immediately after. True, she isn’t these kid’s mum (as much as some fans do use that term to refer to her??) and she isn’t going to be like “now, my children, we don’t use the internet like that, okay?” But. She knows, right? We can agree or disagree about whether she should say something — but we all agree that she knows that a large portion of her fans feel a constant need to fight for her, right?

10 notes · View notes

stay-tinystars · 4 years ago

Text

Rumors pt 2

Ship: Yeosang x Named female character (Jae Hwa)

College AU. ‘Bad’ girl x shy studious Yeosang.

Some fluff, some angst, mostly slice of life, a bit chaotic

Warnings: overly controlling parents, rumors, cursing, motorcycle.

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: this is a short series. I hope you all enjoy it. I’m trying out different writing styles as I get back into writing so I hope you enjoy.

All of this is pure fiction.❤

She expected to hear from Yeosang, or to see him somewhere at the university over the next week. When she didn't she decided it was best to approach his friends.

"Excuse me, do you know if Yeosang is alright?" Jae approached two of Yeosangs friends in the dining hall, at the usual table. They looked at her in slight shock.

"Yeah, he got in trouble for who knows what now." San shrugged.

"Apparently he got home late, and they grounded him." Wooyoung added.

"What about his schooling?"

"Thats where they got weird. They contacted the professors and got some work packets or some crap" Wooyoung rolled his eyes.

"Oh" she mumbled, as she sat on an empty chair at their table.

"Why do you ask?" She could see mischievous looks in their eyes as they looked at her.

"Well, long story short. He helped me catch my dog, who was running around the park, and we started talking. Then his mom called because he was late. I took him home, gave him my number. Then he disappeared" she rambled, her thoughts piling on top of one another. This was her fault.

"They took his phone. His parents are intense. They treat him like he's 10, instead of an adult" Wooyoung leaned back on his chair, folding his arms, intrigued by the soft 'bad girl' in front of him.

"How do you guys talk to him then"

"Secret messages" San lifted his eyebrows, then laughed, his dimples highlighting his face.

"He messages us through our gaming systems. His parents don't know how to block that"

"Can you tell him I'm sorry"

"I can do you one better"

"What do you mean?"

The two boys just smiled at each other, mischief glinting in their eyes.

"Meet us at 10 tonight, at the park by his house"

"Why?"

"We're sneaking him out."

The park was dark, it seemed as if the light posts had burned out. She pulled up and parked next to the only car in the small parking lot, three figures stood in the dark.

"Did you have to bring your motorcycle?" Wooyoung asked, as she took off her helmet, and strapped it to the back.

"It's the only thing I have" she responded, placing her hand on her hip. "So how are we doing this?"

"Well you are going to help by being the distraction" Seonghwa nodded

"What kind of distraction?" Jae asked. Her eyes wide.

"Well maybe it's a good thing you brought your bike" San's eyes darkened, as he eyed her motorcycle, and shrugged the bag he was carrying off his shoulder. Her heartbeat picked up.

"I'm not wrecking my bike!"

"We will help you fake it." Wooyoung unzipped the bag, as San handed it to him. She felt like these guys were ganging up on her. Why did she come? Why was she trusting these guys she barely knew? She took a deep breath, and gathered her thoughts. This was for Yeosang, the one she got in trouble. The only guy who hadn't written her off. Maybe these guys weren't so bad, they are Yeosang's friends.

"My baby better not get damaged. I just paid it off!" Her voice was hard, along with her gaze.

"Your bike won't have any harm. We will just lay it down next to the curb in front of Yeosang's house." San held up his pinky, as if he was promising her to keep her bike safe.

"I don't like this idea" her arms folded over her chest, as her eyes narrowed.

"Look, do you want to help Yeosang escape or not?" Wooyoung approached her, she sighed and reluctantly nodded. "Good, now take off your jacket."

"What?"

"Just take off your jacket. It will help with the ruse" Seonghwa smiled. His smile, genuine. She shrugged her jacket off, and watched as Wooyoung opened a jar full of red liquid.

The three boys started smearing fake blood all over her right arm, and over the slits and holes in her jeans, mostly on her right side.

As they informed her of their oddly concocted idea for Yeosangs break out. They told Yeosang to find a clip of screeching brakes to play loudly upstairs, then to flash the lights twice, at which point Jae, who would be out on the curb, would scream. Knowing how Yeosangs parents act they would come out front at which point they would sneak him out the back of the house.

Jae stood at the end of a driveway, Seonghwa and San had helped lay her motorcycle down a few feet away then ran. She watched the 2nd story window. She saw the light flicker twice, she let a blood curdling scream, bending over holding her 'bloodied' arm to her chest, along with her helmet. A few moments later the front door opened.

Jae started cursing, and acting just as the boys had coached her.

"Did you see that jerk! He ran me off the road!" She yelled.

"Well what do you expect riding a death trap!" Yeosang's mothers judgemental voice rang in her ears. The boys were right, Yeosangs mother was a piece of work.

"I wasn't in the wrong!" Jae defended herself. "I was just doing the speed limit, when that car came out of nowhere and side swiped me. Did no one see it?"

"Do you even live in this neighborhood?" Her words sounded like venom, Jae could feel the judging eyes, she always did.

"I was visiting a friend." Jae was appalled, they hadn't even blinked an eye at her 'injuries' nor had they asked if she was okay. She couldn't act any longer, she shook her head, and grimaced. "If you guys won't help me, I'll take myself to the hospital" Jae put her helmet on faking gasps of pain. She raised up her bike, and started it.

How Yeosang, one of the sweetest people she had ever met, had come from that toxic household she couldn't understand. She sped off towards the park. Hoping she had given them enough time to help Yeosang escape. She parked her bike, and took off her helmet, watching around her. She saw four shadows approaching warily, along the tree line.

"Oh my God! Jae are you okay?" Yeosangs voice was concerned, as he hurried towards her.

"I'm fine" she stated, leaning against her bike.

"You don't look fine, your arm, your leg! We need to get you to the ER." His panicked face only seemed to grow in worry as he continued to analyze Jae.

"Did you jerks not tell him anything?" Jae shook her head, standing up and walking over to the hood of the car where her jacket sat.

"Well we told him you were helping us out." San started.

"We just spaced the whole, covering you in blood and pretending you got into an accident." Wooyoung finished.

"It's all fake, don't worry, Yeosang." Jae started rubbing her arm trying to get off the fake blood, it didn't budge or smear. "What did you guys put on me?"

It turns out San is a theater major. Which is why he had fake blood. However he had mixed too much coloring into it, so he insisted that they should all return to his small two bedroom apartment, which he and his roommateYunho shared. That's where he had the items to take off the fake blood. The apartment was small, yet comfortable. Jae had been guided into the small bathroom by San, who showed her the cleanser, and how to use it. Jae took off her shirt, so she was in her tank top, staring at herself in the mirror over the sink as she tried to scrub off all the fake blood, with the stage makeup remover. There was a knock at the slightly opened door.

"Hey, thanks for the help tonight" Yeosang said as he poked his head in.

"You're welcome. I knew you told me about your parents. I never expected them to be so harsh." She ran the rag under hot water, to start rinsing off her skin, which was mostly free of the fake blood.

"You met my mom" he stated as he closed the toilet lid and sat down watching her.

"She's a piece of work. She never even asked if I was OK. Just kept going on about how my motorcycle was a death trap. "

"She really hates motorcycles."

"I can tell. But answer me this. How did you end up so sweet when she is just…. Ugh" Jae threw her head back.

"My dad is quite nice, but he does whatever she says. He says it's out of love, but I think he's just as scared of her as the rest of us are." His shoulders slumped, as he stared at the floor. Jae watched his actions. He reminded her of the hurt animals at the shelter, who couldn't understand why they had been mistreated. Her heart broke for him, no one should ever feel that way, especially from a parent.

"I'm sorry Yeosang." Jae started with a sigh,, "She's just so infuriating, I can see the toxicity. I know this is hard for you" she grabbed the hand towel and patted her arm to dry it. He looked up at her then stared at the wall in front of him.

"It is hard. I need out. This was the last straw. I've been practically imprisoned for the past week." His head dropped into his hands. "I'm going to stand up to them. I'm moving out. I have to. I can't live like this."

Jae wanted to respond to his sudden resolve, but she didn't know what to say to confirm his feelings, nor how to comfort him. So she walked over, crouched down, and hugged him. He immediately returned the embrace. She held him, until her legs started to cramp, from her awkward position between the toilet and bathtub. She pulled back, and stood up then softly took his cheeks in her hands, encouraging him to look her in the eyes.

"This won't be easy, but I'm here for you. So are your amazing friends. We want you to be happy." She rubbed her thumb softly over his birthmark. "I like your birthmark." Her thoughtful words shocked him slightly. He was always so self conscious about his birthmark.

"You don't have to lie." he muttered, as he softly grabbed her hand, stopping her movements.

"I'm not. I really like your birthmark. It brings a light to your eyes."

He just shook his head, and dropped her hand.

"Yeosang look here" , she said, turning around. There on her left shoulder blade was a large brown birthmark. It looked almost like a nimbus cloud. She had a crescent moon tattooed above it, and the cloud looked like it was raining stars down.

"Yeosang, when I was young I always got made fun of for my birthmark. I hated it. I hated wearing tank tops, I hated swimming, because I knew everyone would see it." She paused and looked at the ground. "Then I got older, and a friend pointed out that it looked like a cloud. As I learned to love me I decided to enhance its beauty without covering it, so I got the moon and stars tattooed. Our birthmarks, and scars are beautiful. They tell stories, and make us unique." She smiled as she turned, looking at the artwork on her shoulder in the mirror as best as possible.

"Do you have any other tattoo's?" He asked. She nodded.

"I have two others, both incorporate some scars" her smile, and gaze seemed distant.

"Can I see those?" He asked. She smiled at him, and cooked her head to the side.

"No" she responded, as she grabbed her shirt off the counter and slipped it back on. She then walked out of the bathroom, making a sure end to this conversation.

So the rumors he heard of her having tattoos were true. However he doubted that she had a death tarot card tattoo, or that she had a prison tattoo with how cute the one on her shoulder is.

That night Yeosang made plans with the group on how he was going to stand up to his parents. Whom they were sure, were losing their minds being as he had successfully gotten out.

The next day was Saturday, and Jae was working her shift in the back of the shelter. Her text tone went off as she filled another bowl of food. It was an unknown number

-Jae

-What are you doing?

-Want to come to the library. I need your help

-Oh btw it's Wooyoung

-Sure, the one on campus. I'll see you there at 5

-I get off at 4. Can I just meet you at the library at 5"

He left her hanging with no response.

-How did you get my number?

When she arrived at the library on campus she was greeted by a quiet Wooyoung.

"What do you need help with?" She asked, only to be grabbed by her wrist, and dragged into the two story library. She tried pulling free, with no luck. Wooyoung stopped below the balcony on the second story.

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Yeosang is the sun" Wooyoung cooed as Yeosang stepped into view from the second story of the library.

"What are you going on about now woo?" Yeosang groaned.

"He speaks: O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art As glorious to this night, being o'er my head As is a winged messenger of heaven"

"How can you memorize part of Romeo and Juliet, and yet you can't remember any of your biology class?"

"Well i'm trying to woo girls. I'll memorize anything for that." Wooyoung winked at Jae, she just rolled her eyes.

"You are crazy if you think standing below someone and quoting Shakespeare will woo them, Wooyoung" she responded, shaking her head.

"Oh, Jae you're here" Yeosang looked over the railing with a smile. "I'd much rather talk to you" , his eyes shining.

"I'm the one that asked you to come over here!" Woo argued.

"She's prettier than you"

"Hey!"

"Can someone just tell me why am I here?" Jae laughed. Wooyoung's smile became mischievous.

"I need your help, removing him from the library" he pointed towards where Yeosang had been. Then groaned as he grabbed her wrist again and started towards the stairs.

"Why?" Jae questioned, "He's an adult, he can stay here as long as he wants."

"You don't get it. We kind of broke into his parents house. "

"You what?" Yeosang yelled, as he walked down the stairs.

"Well, we wanted to make sure you actually would move out. Plus I knew you needed clothes." Wooyoung scratched his head.

"Who's 'we' " Yeosang pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"San and I. We ended up being stuck in your room when your parents came back, and I was lucky and got out your window. But I think San is still under your bed."

"Wooyoung, that is how people end up in jail" Jae's voice quiet, yet stern, as she placed her hand on Wooyoung's shoulder making him face her. "You can't break into people's houses!"

"We didn't really break in. The code was easy to guess" The gravity of the situation, seeming to finally sink in.

"That doesn't make it less illegal" She almost hissed.

"We've got to save San. I guess I'm facing my parents sooner than I thought" Yeosang groaned, as he started to lead them out of the library.

Soon enough they were back where they were the night before, at the small park by Yeosangs parents' house. Yeosang was trying to convince Jae to come with him, as support while wooyoung helped sneak San out.

"Your parents are going to recognize me from last night if I come with you!" Jae argued.

"But I think they will handle you better than him. They think he's a bad influence." Yeosang motioned towards Wooyoung, who was watching the two argue as if it were a drama while leaning against his car.

"And having me come with you, with my purple undercut, and eyebrow piercing will be a good thing? Plus your mom already thinks I'm a heathen because of my motorcycle. I don't think I'm one who should join you."

Jae found herself standing next to Yeosang as he knocked on the front door of his parents house. He was holding onto her wrist tightly. She was sure this is how she was going to die.

#yeosang drabbles #yeosang fluff #yeosang fanfic #yeosang x oc #ateez imagines #ateez fanfic #ateez fluff #ateez angst #yeosang angst

15 notes · View notes

jsmnutami · 3 years ago

Text

annyeong, twenty-five

If life is a school and we all are indeed a long-live learner, I’m pretty sure I was a model student from class of 24-years-old me. So many subjects to learn, so many new classes, yes I struggled up here and there but hi, I survived well with uncounted lesson taken. Here’s my note on what I’ve learned throughout last year;

One time’s isn’t always a charm

I used to judge things based on first impression and that impression stayed forever. New people, new places, new condition, and all the things new. This year I’ve learned to never let your first impression ruin your relationship with the person/things. Things may have a rough start, but doesn’t mean it would be bad for the rest of the time. Give it some time, open your heart, and maybe, your judgement will change. Not everyone makes a good first impression you know?

If you never try, you’ll never know

The old me was so afraid of failing that I wouldn’t dare to give it a try. This year I’ve learned that the disappointment of failing, is better than the disappointment of not trying. For whatever it is, be stoic. Give your best, and let God do the rest.

“What if I fall?”

“But---what if you fly?”

Allah does not burden a soul except with that within its limit (2:286)

Talk about cov-19, last year was hard. Dealt with 1st wave around jan-feb and then 2nd wave around june, I lost my mind several times. In January, I have to worked a month without a day off and constantly told bad news over bad news in every shift. If you’ve seen death almost everyday of your life for a month++, its hard to keep being sane. And the waves surged again ini June. I have to worked 3 weeks straight without a day off again. Witnessed death everyday, again. I lost count of how many times I actually crying at the hospital bathroom after a shift, let alone crying at my room when I went home. Those situation couldn’t be more depressing.....but hi, I’ve survived well.

You are stronger and more capable of things more than you give yourself credits

Again with the work thing. My work hours were crazy and the workloads were almost unbearable. I feel like slowly loosing myself due to work. Im constantly exhausted and feeling like my personal and social life being taken. As an extroverted person and lagom at heart, that was sucks. I thought about resigning a lot, but I know at heart I’m not a quitter, so I did the best that I could and I’ve survived. Guess we are stronger than we thought we are.

Comparing yourself with others is the most powerful form of self destruction

It’s alright to stop There’s no need to run without even knowing the reason It’s alright to not have a dream If you have moments where you feel happiness for a while It’s alright to stop

BTS - 낙원 (Paradise)

What’s easy is right

When it came to love and finding the right person, I might not be the person you should asked for an advice. Old me kept making questionable decision over indecisive action in my past relationship & dating life and it left me with a long-term trauma that I thought I’ll never recover. I doubt my ability to choose what's best for me just because....I don't really know what's best for me anymore, what I want, what I like; I'm clueless.

Then there is this person, he was my high school friend. I only know him at a first name basis and that’s it. We got closer around September last year, and because he lives in another city, we got to know each other mostly thru chat or phone call. After several months of back-and-forth moments with him, I realized one thing that I never had in all of my previous relationship; this....feels easy.

This is the first relationship that I could be myself completely without the fear of being left if I showed him the real me (and God, the real me is hard to deal with). The first relationship I feel supportive, the “I got you back” that I always longing to find but never have until now. The first relationship that makes me love myself and appreciate myself more. He is my boyfriend, best friend, brother, and partner. Thats when I’ve learned that what's easy is right.

Self-love is a journey

The highlight of 24 years old me was my journey of self-love. There goes a saying “tak kenal maka tak sayang” so, I started with get to know myself better. It was hard dug deep into the hole of your true self, understanding your map of soul and faced the darkest and ugliest of you. Denial here denial there, but once you get to know yourself, things got a bit easier. Though I’ve been in this journey for a year now, there’s so much I should learn. I’ve learned that self-love is a journey. You might hit a bumps or road blocks, a step back is okay, but you don’t give up on the journey right?

Annyeong, twenty five years old me

There’s so much of a future waits for you. Some of it may not be easy, some of it will make you loose your mind, and some of it will make you fall into a hole of depression and anxiety. It’s okay, just remember there’s always a silver lining behind every cloud. I hope you could be more stable, emotionally and mentally. I hope you care more about what's matter and the hell with others opinion. I hope you can love yourself harder. I hope you’re growing wiser and calmer. I hope you find what you really want in life. I hope you find serenity and contentment that you’ve been waiting for.

Annyeong, twenty five years old me

fighting~!!

1 note · View note

iridescentides · 4 years ago

Note

hi again dia! happy first day of december ❤️💚 i wanted to ask you what, in your opinion, are the 5 most underrated dcoms? i remember you saying before that you've watched all of them so i'd love to hear your opinions 😊 - 🎅🎁🎄

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH secret santa you are so good! asking me all the best questions 💜

okay so i literally had to make a list of all the dcoms i consider underrated and then narrow down a top 5. theres lots of dcoms that i love, but that i think got the right amount of attention and care (like lemonade mouth and the teen beach movies, for example), so this list just focuses on ones that deserved more hype for their quality level.

5. The Cheetah Girls: One World (2008)

okay so even as i type this i feel like a hypocrite. i have only watched this movie one time. BUT i can acknowledge that its one of the most criminally underrated dcoms ever, tons of people didnt watch it simply because raven wasnt in it. thats why i avoided it as a child, and i didnt get around to watching it until i did my big dcom binge in 2016. and it was so good. theres a really long post floating somewhere around tumblr full of specifics on why its actually the best cheetah girls movie (my favorite is the second one purely out of nostalgia), so to paraphrase some points from that post:

its a solid example of cultural appreciation, rather than appropriation, as the girls go and learn about bollywood and indian culture together

the indian characters arent treated like props or unimportant sides, they get their own agency and storylines that are important

the songs are good!!!

basically this movie was overlooked and slept on even though in terms of role modeling and social value, and just like the first two cheetah girls movies it was important and impactful.

4. Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure (2011)

okay so as someone whos very neutral and occasionally negative-leaning towards the hsm franchise (mostly bc its overhyped and not really representative of all dcoms), i was pleasantly surprised by sharpays fabulous adventure. this is another one that i know lots of people skipped right over and dont hold with as much esteem as the main hsm franchise, and that doesnt sit right with me.

i do not agree with the “uwu sharpay was the real victim in hsm” arguments bc in their efforts to look galaxy brained the people who say that overlook the fact that she was a rich white woman who used her power and status to exercise control over opportunities that should have been fairly and freely available for all; they were not “making a mockery of her theater” in the first movie, they were literally just kids who wanted to try out a new school activity that everyone was supposed to be allowed to participate in; and despite allegedly learning her lesson and singing we’re all in this together with everyone at the end of the first movie, she literally showed no growth in the second movie as she fostered an openly hostile environment and favored troy so heavily that it literally cost him his friends, all as part of yet another jealous plan to take things away from people who already have less than her. she was NOT the victim in the main franchise, and she did not seem to exhibit any growth or introspection either.

and that!!! is why sharpays fabulous adventure was so important. in focusing on sharpay as the main character, they finally had to make her likeable. they did this by showing actual real growth and putting her outside of her sphere of influence and control. we saw true vulnerability from her, instead of the basic ass “mean girl is sad bc shes actually just super insecure” trope (cough cough radio rebel), and this opened us up to finally learn about and care about her character. throughout the movie we see her learn, from her love interests example, how to care for others and be considerate. she faces actual adversity and works through it, asking herself what she truly wants and what shes capable of. and in the end, when she finally has her big moment, we’re happy for her bc she worked hard to get there. she becomes a star through her own merit and determination, rather than through money and connections. this movie is not perfect by any means, but it is severely underrated for the amount of substance it adds to sharpays character.

3. The Swap (2016)

okay i know im gonna get shit for this but thats why its on this list!!! just like sharpays fabulous adventure, its not perfect and definitely misses the mark sometimes, but it deserves more attention and love for all the things it did get right!

the swap follows two kids who accidentally switch bodies because of their emotional attachment to their dead/absent parents’ phones. and while i normally HATE the tv/movie trope of a dead parent being the only thing that builds quick sympathy for a young character, they definitely expanded well enough to where we could root for these kids even without the tragedy aspect. we see them go through their daily struggles and get a feel for their motivations as characters pretty well. as a body switching movie, we expect it to be all goofy and wacky and lighthearted, but it moves beyond that in unexpected ways.

the reason the swap is on this list is for its surprisingly thoughtful commentary on gender roles. its by no means a feminist masterpiece, and its not going to radicalize kids who watch it, but it conveys a subtle, heartfelt message that deserves more appreciation. the characters struggle with the concept of gender in a very accurate way for their age, making off-base comments and feeling trapped by the weight of expectations they cant quite put their finger on. we watch them feel both at odds with and relieved by the gender roles they are expected and allowed to perform in each others bodies, and one of the most interesting parts of the movie to me is their interactions with the other kids around them. as a result of their feeling out of place in each others environments, the kids inadvertently change each others friendships for the better by introducing new communication styles and brave authenticity.

the value of this movie is the subtle, but genuine way it shows the characters growing through being given the space to act in conflicting ways to their expected norms. ellie realizes that relationships dont have to be complex, confusing, and painful, and that its okay to not live up to appearances and images. jack learns that emotional expression is good, healthy, and especially essential to the grieving process. one of the most powerful scenes in the movie comes at the end where, after ellie confronts jacks dad in his body, jack returns as himself to a very heartfelt apology from his father for being too hard on him; the explicit message (”boys can cry”) is paired with an open expression of love and appreciation for his kids that he didnt feel comfortable displaying until his son set an example through honest communication. this is such an empowering scene and overall an empowering movie for kids who may feel stuck in their expected roles, as it sets a positive example for having the courage to break the restrictive societal mold. for its overall message of the importance of introspection and emotional intelligence, the swap is extremely underrated.

2. Freaky Friday (2018)

this is my favorite dcom, and probably my favorite movie at this point. ive always assigned a lot of personal value to this movie (and i love every freaky friday in general), for the message of selfless familial love and understanding. i know i can get carried away talking about this topic; i got an anon ask MONTHS ago asking me about the freaky friday movies and i wrote a super super long detailed response that i never posted bc i didnt quite finish talking about the 2018 movie. and thats bc on a personal level, i cant adequately convey all the love i have for this movie. so i will try to keep this short.

first lets state the obvious: the reason people dont like this movie is bc its not the lindsay lohan version. and i get that, to an extent, bc i also love the 2003 version and its one of my ultimate comfort movies, and grew up watching it and ive seen it a billion times. i even watched it a couple days ago. but the nostalgia goggles that people have on from the early 2000s severely clouds their judgement of the wonderful 2018 remake.

yes, the 2018 version is dorky, overly simplistic plot wise, a bit stiff at times, and super cheesy like any dcom. the writing isnt 100% all the time. the narrative takes a couple confusing turns. the song biology probably shouldnt have been included. i understand this. but at the heart of it all, this movies value is love. and its edge over all the other freaky friday movies is the songs.

on a personal level, the movie speaks heavily to me. i cried very early into my first viewing of the movie bc i got to see dara renee, a dark-skinned, non-skinny actress, playing the mean popular girl on disney channel. that has never happened before. growing up, i saw the sharpays and all the other super thin white women get to be the “popular” girls on tv, and ultimately they were taken down in the end for being mean, but that doesnt change the fact that they were given power and status in the first place for being conventionally beautiful. so, watching dara renee strut around confidently and sing about being the queen bee at this high school got to me immediately. and in general, the supporting cast members of color really mean a lot to me in this movie. we get to see adam, an asian male love interest for the main character. we have a second interracial relationship in the movie with katherines marriage to mike. ellies best friend karl is hispanic. and we see these characters have depth and plot significance, we see them show love, care, and passion for the things they value. the brown faces in this movie are comforting to me personally. additionally, the loving, blended family dynamic is important to me as someone in a close-knit, affectionate step-family.

but on a more general level, this movie is underrated for its skillful musical storytelling and the way it conveys all kinds of love and appreciation. in true freaky friday fashion, we watch ellie and katherine stumble and misstep in their attempts to act like each other. its goofy and fun. but through it all, the music always captures the characters’ intimate thoughts and feelings. the opening song gives us a meaningful view into ellie and katherines relationship and the fundamental misunderstandings that play a role in straining their connection. ellie sings about how she thinks her mom wants her to be perfect, and her katherine sings about all the wonderful traits she sees in her daughter and how she wants her to be more open and self assured. this is meaningful bc even as theyre mad at each other, the love comes through. the songs continue to bring on the emotional weight of the story, as ellie sings to her little brother about her feelings of hurt and abandonment in her fathers absence. the song “go” and its accompanying hunt scene always make me cry bc of the childlike wonder and sense of adventure that it brings. for the kids, its a coming of age, introspective song. for katherine who gets to participate in ellies body, its a reminder of youth and the rich, full life her daughter has ahead of her. she is overcome with excitement, both from getting to be a teenager again for a day, and from the realization that her daughter has a support network and passions that are all her own. today and ev’ry day, the second to last song, is the culmination of the lessons learned throughout the movie, a mother and daughters tearful commitment to each other to love, protect, and understand one another. the line “if today is every day, i will hold you and protect you, i wont let this thing affect you” gets to me every time. even when things are hard and dont go according to plan, they still agree, in this moment, to be there for each other. and thats what all freaky friday stories are ultimately about.

freaky friday 2018 is a beautiful, inclusive, subversive display of familial love, sacrifice, and selflessness, and it is underrated and overlooked because of its more popular predecessor.

1. Let It Shine (2012)

this is another one of my favorite dcoms and movies in the whole world. unlike the other movies on this list, it is not the viewers themselves that contribute to the underrated-ness of this movie. disney severely under-promoted and under-hyped this movie in comparison to its other big musical franchises, and i will give you five guesses as to why, but youll only need one!

let it shine is the most beautifully, unapologetically black dcom in the whole collection. (i would put jump in! at a notable second in this category, but that one wasnt underrated). this movie was clearly crafted with care and consideration. little black kids got to see an entire dcom cast that represented them. the vernacular used in the script is still tailored mostly to white-favoring audiences, but with some relevant slang thrown in there. in short, the writers got away with the most blackness they were allowed to inject into a disney channel project.

the story centers on rap music and its underground community in atlanta, georgia. it portrays misconceptions surrounding rap, using a church setting as a catalyst for a very real debate surrounding a generational, mutlicultural conflict. this was not a “safe” movie for disney, given its emphasis on religious clashes with contemporary values. it lightly touches on issues of image policing within the black community (cyrus’s father talking about how “our boys” are running around with sagging pants and “our girls” are straying away from god), which is a very real and pressing problem for black kids who feel the pressure (from all sides) of representing their whole race with their actions. its a fun, adorable story about being yourself and staying true to your art, but also a skillful representation of struggles unique to black and brown kids and children from religious backgrounds.

on top of crafting a fun, wholesome, thoughtful narrative and likeable protagonists, let it shine brought us what is in my opinion the BEST dcom soundtrack of all time. every single song is a bop. theyre fast, fun, and lyrically engaging. “me and you” is my favorite disney channel song of all time due to its narrative significance; i will never forget my first time watching the movie and seeing that big reveal unfold onstage, as a conversation and a plot summary all wrapped into a song. the amount of thought and care that went into the music of this movie should have been rewarded with a level of attention on par with that of other musical dcoms.

if disney channel had simply cared about let it shine more, it couldve spanned franchises and sold songs the way that other musical dcoms have drawn in success. i would have loved for a sequel that explored and fleshed out cyrus’s neighborhood a little bit more, and maybe dipped into that underground scene they caught a glimpse of. i wanted a follow up on the changed church community once cyrus’s father started supporting his sons vision. i want so much more for these characters and this world than disney gave them in just one movie.

for its bold, unabashed representation of blackness and religion, subtle, nuanced presentation of race-specific issues, strong, likeable characters, and complex, thoughtful songs, let it shine is the most underrated dcom.

and because i made a full list before i started writing this post, here are some honorable mentions:

going to the mat (2004)

gotta kick it up! (2002)

tru confessions (2002)

dont look under the bed (1999)

invisible sister (2015)

#this took me embarassingly long to write #i cant help myself i literally think about this all the time #youre doing a great job with these questions secret santa!#dcoms #disney channel #answered asks #anons #gcwca secret santa #Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

green-ball-of-trash · 5 years ago

Text

Roman in The Closet by Himself!! Part 1

word count: 2202

ship: Prinxiety, Background Logicality, Background Remile, vaguely mention Demus.

part1/part2/part3/part4/?

WARNINGS: self deprecation, depression, repression, non-censored cursing, the word wh*re is used and it not censored, lgbtq+phobia is mentioned in this chapter but not directed at any of the characters.

summary: Roman has a rough journey with his sexuality, and his crush on a certain little emo~

Roman had always been enraptured with the concept of love. He could remember watching Disney movies when he was younger, where the prince rescues the princess and they both live happily ever after.

Although, he was never really focused on the princess of the story but more so on they heroic prince. He always thought that Prince Phillip was so much more interesting than Arora, but his little child mind couldn’t understand nor explain why that was.

Until he was ten years old~

He had been looking at Disney videos on his ipad, when he discovered a peculiar video with a rainbow flag in the thumbnail. He thought that all the colors on the flag looked pretty, so he decided to click on it.

He heard phrases in the video that he had never heard before, such as; gay, trans, homosexaul, bisexual, pansexual, and so many more and he had absolutely no idea what they meant. Even though he had no clue, he watched the entire video. After the video was over, he got out his red notebook with Disney stickers plastered haphazardly all over the front and back cover.

He decided to rewatch the video again and write down any words that he didn’t understand, and look them up after he was finished. Logan is gonna be so proud of me, he had said to himself thinking of his quiet nerdy best friend.

He spent the entire day learning things like pride, non-bianary, gender fluid, and more. He felt like he had opened his eyes to a completely new world and he was so excited about it. He had no idea there were so many different types of amazing people. He was so… Excited!

His parents were busy with work downstairs, and his brother was over at a friends house so he took it upon himself to spend his entire day learning and watching videos on this community of people. It was impossible to learn everything in a day, but he was determined to try.

He listened to and read people’s stories on the internet, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t cry. Why were people so mean to them? He had asked himself, why are there so many mean people in the world? They were just being themselves, why couldn’t people just be proud of them? What Roman didn’t know at the time, is that he would have a few stories of his own like that in the future.

A few weeks later, he was on the swings with his best friend Logan. Swinging back and forth with the breeze as they talked about anything and everything, non-sense and Disney, jokes and laughter, serious topics and funny stories, until Roman decided to bring up some of the stuff he had learned to his friend. He kicked his legs back and forth carelessly as he spoke, “hey, Lo?” Logan had looked at him, as Logan wasn’t swinging nearly as much as Roman was but more just drifting to and fro with the wind as he talked with his flamboyant best friend, “yeah Ro?”

Roman grinned for a minute before speaking, “have you heard of LGBTQ+?”

Logan had nodded at his question, “yeah, my dads talk about it all the time.” He said in a nonchalant manner. Roman groaned, frustrated “AWWW, I thought I learned about something that you didn’t..” Roman stopped his swinging, skidding his bright red shoes across the ground to stop himself.

Logan chuckled and pushes up his glasses, “sorry Ro, but I know everything.”

Roman stared at Logan throwing his hands about as he spoke, “that's not fair.” he said the last word dragging it out like it was the end of the world.

Roman had met Logan’s dads before, yet he never knew what LQBTQ+ meant and he didn’t know that a lot of people thought it was a bad thing. He thought it was awesome that Logan’s dads loved each other, even before he knew that they loved each other if that made any sense. To Roman it made complete sense in his ten year old mind.

Roman then got an idea, “Hey Logan, there was some things I didn’t understand when I was lookin’ up stuff about it. Do you think you could answer some of my questions?”

Logan looked a little excited to teach Roman, and they spent the rest of the time on the swings not swinging but talking. Talking about something that would be very important to them one day.

7 years later~

Roman was seventeen, and he was the most popular kid in his highschool, everyone had taken a liking to his outgoing nature. His best friends Logan, Patton, and Virgil were popular right along with him. There was only one thing that bothered Roman, his sexuality. He was terrified, from the bottom of his heart he was terrified because ne knew that he was not straight in any sense of the term. He was as curved as a rollercoaster and the ride made him feel woozy and nauseous.

He knew that the vast majority of his school would hate him for being the way he was, so you know what he did? Like the scared little closeted boy he was he ran into the deepest corner of that closet and hid like a little toddler in hide and seek, only he wasn’t a toddler and this wasn’t hide and seek, this was hide for your life. At least that was what it had felt like to him.

He knew that his friend would accept him, since Patton had come out to them in freshman year as Pan to him, Logan, and Virgil, it had lead to Logan coming out to them as gay demisexual, and then a year later in there sophmore Virgil coming out to them as gay. They promised to support each other and never ever tell anyone else. It was like their own little pride group, only Roman was an ally… Or so the others had thought.

Roman knew that they would accept him. Of all people who knew that he could come out to them, and it was okay. But his heart leapt up into his throat and his knees buckled and the mere thought of it. He could just imagine their judgemental glances, thinking he was only saying it because he wanted to feel included, “you’re not really gay.” He would imagine them saying, “are you doing this for attention?” “if you were gay then why have you been telling us about all your straight crushes for years?” He had made up crushes to stay in the closet “you’re so dramatic! Just shut up and we can forget you even tried to pull off this whole charade.”

I part of him knew they would never do that, but it was a very small part of him, it was like a tiny ball of light shining in the darkness of self deprecation that he had created within himself. He pretended to be so confident, he was a great actor ‘but that was the only thing he was great at’ He would say to himself like a father scolding a child for doing something wrong, only the child was priding within himself and the father was a cold old man with no joy and wanted his son to live a dry cold life never thinking higher than an inch of himself.

“Princey? You okay there?...” he hadn’t noticed that he had started to zone out with another one of his spirals into the dark clouded space that was his mind. ‘No’ he said to himself and only himself. Virgil would think he was such an attention seeking whore if he ever told him anything that went on in his head, “I’m fit as a fiddle Hottopic, sorry I zoned out, I was just thinking about Valerie. Her hair looked so pretty today.” He said with a smile that didn’t seem to reach his eyes. Valerie was amazing, she was really fun to hang out with and yes her hair actually did look pretty today but to Roman he felt nothing but platonic love for her. And when he would pretend to have a crush on her, especially to one of his best friends….. He felt as though someone was stabbing a knife into his heart, his weak little heart that throbbed at anything and everything. He was so weak he would tell himself. His heart was a bruised and pin pricked as a baby rabbit that got into a fight with a porcupine, and oh how his heart loved to jump and do summersaults like the little rabbit it was in the presence of the emo sitting next to him.

But the thing was it hurt so so much worse when he lied to Virgil. Virgil was so caring, he was kind to all of them, and he loved hanging out with him. Virgil was just so funny, and cute, and smart, and handsome, and- he stopped his thoughts, halting them and pushing them as far back into his mind as they would go. It was getting a lot harder to get rid of them lately. Virgil got a sad sort of look in his eyes but Roman didn’t notice, he was to busy gay panicing. “Thats sweet Roman. You two would be cute together ...” Virgil trailed off, sort of spacing out himself as Roman had just a few moments ago.

Roman clapped his hands together and stood up with a plastered smile on his face, startling Virgil almost knocking him off the bench that they had been sitting on. They were at the park, just talking. Roman turned toward Virgil and uttered a quick apology before spilling his idea to his monochromatic friend, “We should go get ice cream!!” Virgil chuckled at Roman’s excitement, and blushed under his porcelain foundation, “sure thing, if you promise to stop yelling” Virgil pulled on his hoodie strings, “people are starting to stare.” he said the last part with breathless sort of panicked whisper only loud enough just for Roman to catch it.

They spent the rest of the day just walking around town, laughing and enjoying the company of one another. Roman’s little heart jumped into his throat everytime he heard that beautiful laugh of Virgil’s, it was like looking at the sky and letting the sun hit your face. You can’t open your eyes and look directly at it though, because you might go blind at its unending beauty. Even if Virgil didn’t think so, he was the sun, the moon, the stars, and the clouds all bundled up in one amazing person and oh how he shined.

He was always there when you needed him and he was the most hard working person Roman knew, even if Virgil ran into days where he couldn’t even speak because of his anxiety disorder Roman thought he was so strong to have even got out of bed on those days. And he made sure to tell Virgil how strong he was everyday, and if Virgil couldn’t find his voice that day. Roman would speak for him to faceless strangers at school who wanted to speak with Virgil, although Logan and Patton would do that as well, it seemed to have affected Virgil more when Roman did it. It made Virgil feel warm and gooey on the inside, feelings that someone with a hard emo persona like his should never let themselves have but he had them and he loved how they made him feel. But he could never feel that about Roman, because Roman would never feel that way about him and that wasn’t something that he could change and that was just the way the world had to fuck him over.

The universe had made a little emo gay boy who was obsessed with My Chemical Romance and black eyeshadow, fall in love with his straight best friend. What a painful story trope. Only his best friend wasn’t actually straight, a fact that he was oblivious to, and this wasn’t a cheesy romance story this was their lives. Virgil looked down at hits ice cream, enjoying the treat quietly as he listened to Roman gush and rant about Hamilton or whatever musical he had decided to talk about.

They had arrived at Virgil’s house and said their goodbyes, with halfwitted insults with no venom in the words. It was their usual routine and they were both content with the way their relationship was. But they were just content, both of them wanted more but they would never admit that to themselves or each other. Roman walked home, with everything swirling around in his head and he laughed with a sort of dark emptiness. What a day.

To be continued~

OH MY GOSH THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE!!! Idk how much fun it was to read or how many people will actually read it, but I hope at least a few people enjoy it. this first part was out earlier than I had expected! When I get the next part out then I will link it on this part and tag anyone who wants to know when it comes out. I hope you enjoyed~ my friend that pitched me some ideas: @akane-mukami she is amazing and beautiful please go show her some love!

taglist:

@mostpeopleannoyne

@www-dot-ohshit-dot-com

@icequeenoriginal

@espepspes

@rats-this-username-is-taken

Green~~

109 notes · View notes

sophiemi · 5 years ago

Text

A Response to Hate + Wisdom, I Suggest Everyone Reads.

This is a pretty long post replying to some hate I got from a recent post I made about Mirajane Strauss and Laxus Dreyar, I linked it at the bottom of this if you would like to read it. I think everyone should read this post not only because its some piping hot tea, but there’s also a lot of other things I talk about in this that I feel like everyone should hear. Totally understand if you don’t want to read it though. Let me know what you think!

First here is what they/you said (in order):

Hi I just liked to start with I blocked you from send me anymore ask, but I’m letting you know if you change devices you can still ask me things or messages, if you DM (off anon) ill take your request seriously, but since you’re on anon I’m not gonna take you seriously, sorry. Especially after you were actually mean to me when I did nothing wrong, which is why I’m making this post even though I’d normally ignore it.

Lets start with the general Miraxus stuff, that post WAS NOT hate. You have to be delusional and overly obsessed to believe that was a hate post, or that I was spreading “false information.” In the post I literally said they had good development and linked a master list of ALL their interactions. The entire post was about how even though I don’t ACTIVELY ship them (meaning they are cute and I agree they would be a good couple, but I just don’t get that feeling where I’m like “oh okay yes them” and I feel the need to stalk them, ((not everyone hates what threatens their ships)), and I’m not denying they are very cute, and have a lot of cute art and moments, it just doesn’t hype me up the same way other ships do.) So, this post was pro-miraxus, I’m literally saying they honestly deserved to become canon/canon-ish like a lot of the other ships did, so it was not “cross tagged” the post was about mira and laxus and thats what I tagged it, if you are talking about the part where i tagged “#I feel sorry for anyone who ships miraxus” that is literally me validating anyone hurt over the ending. Again, I’m not following the Miraxus tag or any account solely dedicated to that ship so I didn’t even know he drew a kid or them, that’s super cool, good for you. I wasn’t being “biased” because I’m not neck deep in any ship for Laxus or Mira, yes i think CanaJane is cute but I know its very unrealistic, this is why I was able to form this opinion that they deserved better. The post was about how Mashima baited Miraxus the entire series, then said “Never!!!!” even if it was Lucy’s inner thoughts, Mashima knew what he was doing. I was saying, “wow that probably sucked if you really liked them! I’m sorry!” If you believe my post was to degrade Mira x Laxus and hype Cana x Mira, then you need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, I understand you are probably like 13-14 but that’s still not okay to attack people because they don’t agree with you, and if you are older that 13 or 14 that’s just embarrassing. I also believe that Freed x Laxus deserved a better ending and I also don’t actively ship that either, Freed spent the whole series wanting to protect and be by the side of Laxus and they had no interaction in the finale.

Next, lets go to the part about you saying I’m a “slash fetishizer shipper” (also i literally had to look up what this meant) I can only assume you canajane because i said they “hit different” right? Let me just re insert what you said to make sure I reply correctly

Yes I think Cana and Mira are very attractive, and I think they are hot together too. Hi i’m into girls. I am the woke points. I agree people make lgbt people into a fetish and don’t actually respect them, but that’s mostly males thinking lesbians are hot while being gross out by gay men, I may be naive but you don’t often see that on anime tumblr where half the people are gay anyway, not to mention most are female. This next part may be controversial I’m not sure, but people don’t need a reason to ship characters and no one can tell them who they can and can’t ship (this does not apply to shipping a child with an adult), so you can’t say only gay people can ship to people of the same gender, sorry that’s not how it works, i understand you’re trying to get those “woke points” but you just look like a fool. But then next you said this:

Actual author content? Oh you mean like the post I linked that showed EVERY SINGLE interaction/moment/hints that Miraxus had? Like I said, they had good development, and my post was about how the AUTHOR should’ve given them a better ending. I’d just like to add there are many moments that the AUTHOR wrote between Cana and Mira that made me ship them, if the AUTHOR never wrote anything to where they interacted, I wouldn’t ship them? This post is not about that though so I’m not gonna go anymore into them.

“false information” girl what? where? I’m genuinely curious, I used screenshots of the manga to present to idea that Miraxus deserved better and that’s all I talked about so I’m confused what you been by this:

So I can tell you took the one line where i said I like CanaJane more than Miraxus and in your mind twisted my entire PRO-miraxus argument into and anti post, this kind of behavior is toxic, and “its not a good look sir”

Let also clarify something, cross tagging is posting about something and tagging things completely unrelated, this post was about mira and laxus and thats what it was tagged about. Cross tagging is often used in shipping wars, but my post was pro-miraxus so it makes no sense for you to repeatedly say I was cross tagging and that’s why you were mad, it’s very clear you were just mad because I said I shipped CanaJane and that clouded your judgement when reading everything else. If you wanna see real cross tagging look up any naruto ship and scroll for about 3 seconds. So, no I won’t be removing the tags because that makes no sense, but if it’s important enough for you to message me off anon then we’ll talk.

My final section of this response is how hypocritical you were. Like with he part, “I don’t hate you” To quote tiktok and nicki minaj, “don’t be tryna double back, I already despise you”

As you can see you repeatedly said I was mean, but no where in my post did I say anything like “Mira x Laxus is gross, its toxic, its dumb, its...idk...forced!”, i literally never said anything like that because like I’ve said in this post and in that one, they’re cute and they had good development. You were the mean one in your response telling me i had “no reading skills whatsoever”, that i had a “lack of respect”, said I’m “more than pitiful” and this isn’t mentioning all of your back handed pettiness throughout every single message you sent, you think you “look cool” but “hun”...”sweetie”...you just look dumb, but at least you are on anon!

Educate myself? girl this isn’t politics, you’re pressed over a post saying your ship deserved better than it got??? What am I supposed to do watch the anime, read the manga, well good thing I did. GUESS WHAT THEY HAD GOOD DEVELOPMENT i can see why you ship them.

The only rude person here is you, you came into my asks and attacked me because you were blinded for reasons I can’t figure out, and you hid behind the anonymous setting which clearly means you don’t care that much about Miraxus, you just wanted to be mean.

If you’re reading this, and you sent me the messages, message me off anonymous, then we can realistically talk about me taking off my so called cross tagging, I really don’t care that much, I’m just baffled you had to audacity to come for me so hard then “nicely” ask me to remove the tags.

If you’re reading this and you didn’t send me these messages, thanks for reading, maybe share this so people understand that this behavior is not okay. I know what I got was mostly just petty ranting, but there are people who send way worse to others and its just not okay. Just because these aren’t are real accounts like these are fandom accounts doesn’t make it okay. Thanks!

Here is the post in reference:

https://emillyjacksonn.tumblr.com/post/617804123843280896/miraxus-shippers-really-got-played

#fairy tail #ft #ask #askme #Mirajane Strauss #mira #Mira Strauss #laxus #Laxus Dreyar #miraxus #canajane #fraxus

6 notes · View notes