#and thank you to my parents who drove me to the theater bc i am an inexperienced driver still

[lesbiancarat]

eating ramen for dinner after watching the delayed concert livestreaming in honor of SVT 🍜

[daniellewade]

New York update #1

soooo lots to share today.

I got up and finished packing like a normal child, but I got sidetracked by ben liking my Instagram post. it wasn't till I was halfway to the station however that I realize I'm missing my camera charger... SO I turn the car around and drove back home as fast as possible while still abiding to the traffic laws. grabbed my charger and made a quick turn around. I get back to the station and decide that Starbucks is a must... I desperately need coffee at this point. a turn the corner and expect a line out the door, BUT NOPE I walked right up and got my drink and some lunch. I head up to the boarding area and realize that my over prepared self is now an hour early for this bus, even with my hold ups... so I but in my headphones and drink my latte in peace. an hour later I go find the bus. 

so I get on this bus and its packedddd. I'm in my seat and dreading to see who my neighbor is gonna be. I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and I'm waiting, and suddenly we start to move and no ones there. I have been blessed to sit next to the ONE open seat on this whole bus. hallelujah. though as much as I looked, ben cook was not in fact on the same bus. sorry to disappoint y'all. 

we hit some traffic and the four hours turned into five and a half BUT WHATEVER I make it to New York city. 

I get off the bus and head down into the subway station, I buy my card and walk right on like it was waiting for me. two stops later off I go, up the stairs and down the street, past several wonderful theatre may I add. finally I get to the hotel, I wait in line to check in, I finally get to the desk and, wait for it, my card gets declined. sooo I spend a half an hour on the phone with my bank and find that its because there was a charge limit set on my card, (thank you protective parents). I managed to get that limit temporarily raised, and finally get checked in. I get up to my floor and I walked in a circle three times trying to find this damn room. I come back to find that it was right in front of the elevator, and being the genius I am, I missed it the first time.... 

I decided to grab my camera and go explore for a few hours and get some dinner. yes, by explore I mean go take pictures of theaters bc thats what one does in New York...while eating my shake shack burger I see that danny quadrino is at Charlie tonight, the show I was gonna see.... so since we were trying to meet up this week, I texted him and asked if I could come drop then off after the show. yet I sit here in my hotel room, two hours later, typing this, and he still hasn't read it.

oh well, thats it for tonight. I'm sure ill have plenty more stories as tomorrow is newsboys reunion day!!

[rokthespot]

A msg from our friend Abby Hertz of LustNYC

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I have to say something. The past two days it's been hard to watch white friends and family either a.) defend the Nazis under freedom of speech more than they disavow bigotry b.) not care or c.) clutch their pearls in disbelief that our country is still like this.

It is 1 million percent white ppl's privilege to a) march in the streets with semi-automatic weapons and not immediately be shot by cops b.) not care and c.) not have realized before now the insidious bigotry that is rampant all over our country.

I grew up in a small town in Indiana with an active KKK. I am a Jew, and my family is Jewish. I wasn't allowed in several people's homes bc I was a Jew. I was kicked out of my peer group at the local civic theater for being a Jew and yelled at, spit on, and attacked for "lying" to them about who I was/ ie not disclosing I was a Jew.

I was repeatedly forcibly checked for my horns and tail on the playground. I was called dirty, disgusting, a murderer, and kids made threats to me for being a Jew.

Our lunch table was me, my best friend that was Hispanic, the one Asian girl from China that didn't yet speak English, and the one black girl that thought we were a bunch of gross tomboys (she was a girly-girl). Nonetheless, we all sat together bc we were "other."

Kids in my neighborhood would play with me, though. I'm not sure why it was different at school than in my neighborhood. For some reason, outside of school I had the privilege that comes with my white skin. The neighborhood kids didn't apparently care I was a Jew. Not so for the one black girl. The mean ass kids never let her forget she was different and she never played with any of the kids that I saw. When I invited her, she would go back into her house without even talking to me. Looking back now, I am guessing she was not going to play with us bc it would have inevitably entailed some racist shit happening, and she knew that...so it wasn't worth it for her.

Kids are mean, right? But who did they get their ideas from? Their parents, behind closed doors, are telling them that white people, that Christians are better, that you can't trust a Jew, that Jews are dirty, that anyone of color is inferior, that they don't want the Blacks, Jews, or Hispanic kids to come over and to please only invite their other nice white friends. The kids had to get it from somewhere. Children are not born racist. Their parents make them racist.

If you haven't seen racism or bigotry before, it's because you've never had it effect you personally, or someone you care about.

I've lived in Black neighborhoods most of my adult life. Let me tell you a story from this past winter, for those of you that live in white neighborhoods.

The neighbors were all out shoveling snow after a big snowstorm and a cop car drove by with his lights on, abruptly parked, and they got out.

Within a half of a second every one of my neighbors had dropped their shovel and put their hands above their heads in the "hands up don't shoot" that all black parents must teach their black children in order to be safe. Every person, every kid, automatically did this. I didn't. I had never been in a position where I needed to learn that or do that for survival. I grabbed my cell phone and put it on video just in case. The cops walked up and down the block inspecting and then got back in their car and left. The whole 5 minutes this took place no one dared move their arms. I stood by holding my breath with my finger close to the "record" button on my phone.

Yes, white people, it is our privilege that that is not our reality.

When my roommate moved here from London, a place where cops do not carry guns, I had to explain to him that, as a black man, he could not ever reach in his pocked for his wallet/I.D. when/if a cop confronted him. I had to teach him "hands up, don't shoot." White ppl. Think if you've ever had to teach your children this. No? Recognize that is your immense privilege that cops are there to protect you, that your kids admired cops and did not fear them.

It makes me so angry that it takes a literal Nazi rally to wake white people up to racism and bigotry.

Our country is built upon an incredibly intricate and deep system of racial oppression. If you don't realize this, you are privileged to not have to realize this.

As a white-skinned "ethnic" person, that has a white face y'all will recognize and feel safer around to say your bigoted thoughts to, I've been in the position, as many Jews traditionally have, to speak up to you, turn my white face towards your white face and explain as calmly as I can what oppression looks like on a daily basis.

I know you don't "feel" racist or think you're racist, or a bigot, because you're a loving person that just wants peace.

You are able to focus on love and peace and ignore oppression because you don't have to deal with it personally and you are not faced with racism and bigotry on a daily basis.

It's impossible to put yourself in a POC's shoes.

I know you are ITCHING to say "not me" right now and prove to me that you are not racist by stating things like "I have a black friend, I have a black brother-in-law, I judge people by the content of their character" etc etc. Don't. No one wants to look at themselves in the mirror and see a racist. Even the white supremacist guy that became a poster child this week for bigotry came out and said "that's not me" and said he wanted to keep people separate but equal, and wanted his right to think white culture was superior, but that didn't make him racist. People go to great lengths doing mental gymnastics to convince themselves "I'm not a racist, but..."

Instead, LISTEN. Stop talking. Stop saying "but...." LISTEN. Don't force POC to have a conversation or educate you. It is not their responsibility to educate you. If someone spends their time, energy, and intense emotional labor on you, listen, don't interrupt, and thank them. Recognize that POC in this country have a right to be angry. You'd be fucking angry, too, if you experienced half the shit they have to deal with.

We need to start talking about race in this country.

Ignoring it, attempting to be politically correct, just buried the racism for white folks so they/we didn't have to deal with it or face it.

It's time for our country to look at itself in the mirror good and hard. It's time for white ppl to start addressing white ppl on their own bigotry.

I for sure don't have the answer as to how we move forward, but Trump cracked open the surface of racist America by giving white people permission to be bigoted again and stop being "politically correct."

This needed to happen. It needed to come to the surface for white people to address it.

I can't tell you how many times people have not known I'm Jewish and said horribly anti-Semitic things around me, only to make excuses for themselves when I tell them I'm a Jew. They 9/10 say "well, not you, you're an exception" and sometimes "oh and this other Jew I know isn't like that...you are exceptions to the rule." So. The only two Jews you actually know on a personal level aren't like that. Don't you think if you knew more Jews on a personal level, you'd find out that they're all just people, like you and your white family and friends, with their individuality?

Stop making excuses for yourself. If you want to say "not all white people" right now and argue that white people are all individuals, then remember that when you're saying "Jews are greedy cheating liars" or "blacks are inherently xyz" or "Mexicans are..." etc. Do you not think it's racist to not allow them the same privilege of individuality that you fight so hard to retain yourself when you say "not all white people"?

I also hear the unaddressed pain coming from "generic" white folk that they might not recognize from not having a culture. I think that whites losing their ethnic identities has actually hurt our society more than helped it.

Do a "heritage" project and see where your ancestors came from. Learn their stories of coming to this country, of why they had to leave their countries. Learn what cultures you come from and learn what foods, dress, dances, stories, and music comes from those cultures. No one here is a generic American. That's what is so beautiful about our country. We all come from somewhere.

Please also recognize that even if your family, like mine, came here to escape oppression, or even genocide, we came here by choice. African Americans were brought here in chains, kidnapped from their homes, and turned into property. That is entirely different, even from Jews escaping genocide. We have not come far enough in our history as a country for the after-effects of slavery to have disappeared. Not even slightly.

It is scary to write all this out and press "post." I have no idea what my friends on here will remotely think of this. But I know that engaging in conversations about race needs to happen for our country to move forward. We can't hide behind fake and forced politeness anymore. My white friends say they don't talk about race because they're too afraid. You're not doing anyone any favors by completely disengaging, imho.

Again, listen. Don't force people to engage with you. Stop saying "but." Be humble. Be as understanding as you can about other people's experiences. Don't invalidate someone else's experience because it was not your own.

Burying your head in the sand right now and retreating into your safe white communities makes you complicit in perpetuating racism.