#and tbh i always was good with getting away with stuff like that unlike her

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

..

[rowarn]

I’m so happy i found your blog ;___; your soft simon/konig are literally a breath of fresh air like the other anon said😍💕 you write them so well and so tender and caring, they’re literally dream men tbh😮‍💨💕 what are yiur thoughts on how they’d be w a reader whose inexperienced?? both when it comes to intimacy and love in general (im thinking of a feral and skittish cat 🐈‍⬛ who mistrusts every approach and touch and backs away 😭) i always read abiut these men when they’re w a reader who is very sure of her self/sexuality and confidently engages w them (and don’t get me wrong i love reading it regardless!) but what abour when reader has no clue how to act/what to do and is kinda ashamed about it bc she doesn’t want to let her partner down bc she still possesses the v card🥴

(im totally not projecting 😭🙊 btw it’s totally fine if you don’t want to answer this!! wouldn’t want to overwhelm or cross any limits!)

HI MY LOVE IM GLAD UR ENJOYING MY STUFF!!!

hmmm i think both simon and könig wouldn't actually rlly say anything about sex unless you brought it up.

simons very perceptive, he can tell that you're a little shy and skittish about anything too intimate so he keeps his touches pg and simply follows your lead. he lets you guide the pace and he won't bring up getting his dick wet unless you do first.

if he catches on that you may actually want to properly discuss it (even if u don't flat out say it, again he can tell if somethings on your mind <3) then he'll be SO patient and soft with you as he listens. if you're embarrassed or scared, he'll do his best to reassure you that he's not some bumbling idiot who doesn't know how to make it feel good. and he's also not the type to really care about the idea of virginity. doesn't matter to him; he'll guide you and teach you everything snd he'll be so careful and sweet with you, you don't need to worry. he's not great with words but he does his best to get his thoughts across to put you at ease!!

könig wont bring it up bc he's kind of nervous. his thoughts sort of race when he doesn't get a black and white answer so when he notices you're a little skittish about him touching you, he goes thru 400 different reasons why and doesn't want to ask and scare u off by thinking he's some sex obsessed maniac (he's a pro at catastrophizing!!!)

will not ever bring it up avtually, you definitely will have to sit him down and spell out your thoughts to him. he'll noticeable relax in relief when he realizes you're not scared of him you're just....embarrassed?

unlike simon, he is pretty good with words. he blunt and gets straight to the point. he'll tell you that he's...big....everywhere and that he knows how to prep you so it won't hurt and that he would be SO careful if u felt like you were ready. he also assures you that it's nothing to be embarrassed about. contrary to simon, he does understand that some people view their virginity as something special and that if u want he can make it a rlly romantic evening for u!! it's up to u!!! just tell him what u want and he will follow your lead without a single thought <3

overall, simon isn't rlly the type to just jump into bed unless he gets the idea that you CLEARLY want to have sex with him. he's had his fair share of bedmates and he will definitely be able to pick up on any flirting. if he thinks you might not want to have sex, he wont say anything. he's a grown man who doesn't need to get his dick wet (: he's got his hand (yum) <3

and könig is.....könig. he's just happy to be here <3

I HOPE I ANSWERED UR QUESTIONS!!!!!

[hobie-enthusiast]

UNLIKELY CLASH !

— rulebreaker!hobie brown x perfectionist!gn!reader

— enemies to lovers, fluff, cursing (a lot tbh), arguments, character development, secret relationships, gossip, kissing, sneaking around, hobie is shirtless (its for one part for comfort)

— hobie brown was everything you weren’t, so maybe that’s what attracted the two of you together so well (pt. 3)

— part 3 woohoo! shoutout to 🫓 anon for the idea and honestly part 4 maybe? i have an idea brewing

— part 1 | part 2 | part 3 (here)

Sneaking around with Hobie Brown was truly exhilarating.

After the event in the supply closet, he declared you to be in a relationship (that’s about as far as he would label it). Only problem was it had to stay secret. Your reputation was on the line, and being with Hobie could label you as trouble alone. Plus, Hobie hated labels.

So a secret relationship ensued. For two months worth of sneaking around during school hours to rooftop dates, the two of you avoided all judging eyes. You were content with that, and so was he.

That was, until your grades started to slip.

It truly wasn’t a big deal. 100’s turned into 90’s, and you still maintained your A’s. But that wasn’t good in your parent’s eyes. They noticed the weird absences for singular classes. When you said it was for academic competitions, they grew even more weary.

A confirmation was apparent to them when you climbed in through your window while they were awaiting your arrival. They wanted to talk with you about the grades, only to find you missing. Of course they were worried, but they still found themselves more angry than not.

“What is going on with you?” Your mom questions, arms crossed. “It’s like we don’t even know you anymore!”

“Mom, stop, please.”

“No, that’s not how you’ll speak to her.” Your dad interjected.

You groan, sitting at your desk. “Nothing’s going on! I’m doing perfectly fine.”

Your dad raises an eyebrow and scoffs. “Yeah, because sneaking through the window and skipping classes is ‘fine’.”

“I’m not skipping classes!”

“Oh so you want to lie?” Your mom questions.

“Why won’t you believe me?” You ask. Of course you were lying, they couldn’t know about Hobie. “I’m still doing great. Keeping up. It’s normal teenage stuff.”

Your dad shakes his head. “Nope. I don’t think so.” He declares, crossing to the door. “As of right now, you aren’t going to prom. Maybe that’ll teach you to not sneak around and lie.”

“What?!” Your eyes widen as you stand. You turn to your mom. “Are you seriously going to let this happen?!”

“Let it be a lesson, [Name]. Get your act together.”

Your parents walked out of your room, and you groan in frustration. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You wanted to go to prom! The nice outfits, the dancing, and maybe even convincing Hobie to go was your plan. Now you couldn’t.

You angrily grab your phone, typing to Hobie before tossing your phone away.

Me (9:42 pm):

My parents banned me from going to prom.

Hobie <3 (9:42 pm):

???

why?

Me (9:46 pm):

Caught me sneaking through the window and cornered me. Said I was skipping classes and told me that I needed to “get my act together”.

It’s absolute bullshit.

Hobie <3 (9:46 pm):

shit im sorry sweetheart

give me 5 minutes

You smile gingerly at the phone, moving to lock your room door. You knew Hobie was already on his way, so you had to ensure your parents wouldn’t get you in more trouble. That’s the last thing you needed.

You sat in silence by your door, trying your hardest not to cry over the situation. It was rough.. you never disappointed your parents before like this. They always thought highly of you, but now they didn’t, and this feeling wasn’t kind.

A knock on the window stole you away from your pity. Glancing up, you move to open the window, Hobie entering and immediately hugging you tightly.

You couldn’t help but let out a choked sob at the warmth. “Oh swee’heart.. shh, ‘s okay..”

“But it isn’t!” You respond, pulling away and wiping your face. “I know this may seem stupid but I was looking forward to.. I don’t know.. having a genuine date to prom. I was going to ask if you wanted to go with me, become public, all that stuff. And now I can’t!” You finish, plopping down on your bed.

Hobie’s eyes widen before a sigh escapes his lips. He didn’t know you wanted to go public, not at all. Of course, everyone already had their suspicions after the incident in the hallway. But no one knew you actually were together. Just thought of it as Hobie being Hobie.

He sits next to you, draping an arm around you. In response, you lean against him with a deep breath.

“It isn’t just about prom. I’ve never.. seen my parents so disappointed in me. And I don’t get it. I’m still a great student. Like.. it doesn’t make sense, y’know?”

“I get ‘t. But they put a lot ‘f pressure on ya. Can’t let this get t’ ya.” He explains, a soothing hand rubbing your arm.

You sigh. “I can’t help it. I..” You want to say you love them, because you do. But you aren’t doing this for love. “…want them to care.”

Well that wasn’t what Hobie was expecting.

He says no more words, just holding you closely. He soon finds himself hearing you request he stay, him holding you close, underneath your blankets. He knew this was bad, if your parents walked in it wouldn’t end well. But it was alright. He could just.. keep you safe for a little while. That’s what his job is.

His job as.. as..

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Your eyes adjust to the light pouring in, a groan escaping your lips. You’re about to turn over and stretch when you feel yourself trapped. Glancing down, you see some familiar hands and rings.

The warmth elicited from Hobie was amazing. You let out a content sigh, savouring the moment with him.

Once Hobie awakens, which was possibly two minutes after you, you turn to him with a small smile. “Can’t believe you slept in your jeans and jewelry.”

“Eh, ‘ur worth the discomfor’.” He responds, a yawn escaping his lips.

“That’s.. corny as hell.”

Hobie grins, pulling you closer to him. “You make me wanna be corny, hm?”

Before you could respond, a knock comes at your door. Your mom’s voice rang on the other side, causing both of you to shoot up.

“Honey? Can I come in?”

“Shit!”

You stand from the bed, almost falling in the process, trying to fix up the scene. You usher Hobie up, who happened to be shirtless for comfort, into your closet.

“Woah woah, slow down darlin’.” He says as you shove him. His eyes glance over at something before he looks back, not saying anything on it.

That’ll be fun.

You glare at him. “Hobie Brown, you are currently shirtless in my room, slept in the same bed as me, with my mom on the other side of the door. The one who just got me in trouble for going from an A plus to an A minus. Get in the damn closet.”

He says no more, instead putting his hands up as you shove him into the closet, shutting the door. You fix up your hair before unlocking the door, opening it with the best smile you can manage.

“Hey mom.” You speak casually. “What’s up?”

She smiles back, pushing past you into your room. “Just wanted to say.. don’t take your father’s punishment too hard. He just wants what’s best for you.” She says, cleaning up some things that are out and about.

“Oh yeah! No it’s okay I’m just-”

Suddenly she stops, picking up Hobie’s shirt that lied on your desk chair. “Who’s is this..?”

You pale, clearing your throat. “No one’s! Just.. a gift I got.. couple days ago..?” You say in an almost convincing tone.

She eyes you suspiciously before shrugging, tossing it back onto the chair. You silently breath a sigh of relief, anxiety still in your heart. You’ve never hid a boy before in your closet; not a universal experience.

“…you understand? We’re just concerned.”

“Y-yeah! I get it.” You respond, not knowing what your mom said.

She smiles, walking over and ruffling your hair. “Good. I love you, honey.”

You mutter it back as she exits the room, closing the door behind her. You let out an exasperated breath before running to open the closet door. Hobie can only let out a chuckle as you slam in shirt into his chest.

“Damn you!”

“Oh come on. ‘t was excitin’.” He responds, following you back into the room.

You glare back at him as you sit on the bed with a huff. You cross your arms, as if pretending to be mad, turning away from Hobie. He rolls his eyes as his shirt slips back on.

He takes a seat next to you and plants a soft kiss on your head. “Ah.. Can’t stay mad a’ me. Ya like me t’ much for that.”

“Whatever.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

“I’m sorry.. what?!”

“Shh, keep it down!” You shush your friend, shoving their shoulder. “Seriously, it’s whatever.”

They look at you with still complete shock. “Whatever? Whatever?! You’ve been looking forward to prom tomorrow for months! How could they?”

You sigh, stopping in front of your locker. “It’s because of the small slip in my grades.” You explain, turning toward your friend.

“You mean the measly five percent? You’re still top of the class!”

“Trust me, I know.”

You open up your locker, and a small piece of paper falls out. You smile and pick it up, opening it up. You already had a feeling who it was from.

‘downtown apartments tmrw night. dress nicely. got a surprise for u. - h.b’

As you read the note, your friend seems to notice what you have. They glance over, only to see the initials it was signed by before you stuff it away.

“Secret admirer?” They question, holding their books closely.

You laugh, shutting the locker. “Mhm, you know how it is.”

As the two of you walk down the hallway, you manage to see Hobie standing at the corner, seemingly watching you while chatting with a friend. You smile slyly and he winks when you pass by.

‘Oh.. holy shit oh!’

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The next day came, and with it, prom night. You were bummed, truly. Though, maybe a small hangout with Hobie was certainly enough to get you cheered up.

You told your parents you were going to the library, to try and catch up. Luckily, they didn’t question you. Just sent you on your way and told you to be careful. That’s when you rushed to the bathroom to change into nicer clothes and snuck out after.

Hobie waited for you outside the apartments, like asked. For the first time in a while, he wore a button up instead of his vest. His pants remained the same, but he looked more done-up.

And it was worth it when he saw you.

“Well well. Who’s date are ya?” He asks with a small smirk.

You groan, shoving his arm. “Truly hilarious, Hobie. Gotta say, you clean up nice.”

“I manage.” He shrugs, placing a hand on the small of your back. “C’mon. ‘s upstairs. ‘nd close ya eyes.” He requests, prompting a suspicious look from you.

Once he was able to assure you that he wasn’t a killer, he led you to the rooftops. After some bumps and near-falls, he managed to make it, telling you to wait a moment while he ran off.

Hobie returned behind you, breathing in your ear. “‘right swee’heart, open ‘ur eyes.”

What greeted you were strung up lights, a couple of balloons, and a blanket on the ground. Some snacks lied there with the blanket, and soft music was playing in the background; your shared playlist to be exact.

“Hobie..”

“Su’prise. Figured ‘s the next bes’ thing, hm?” He whispers, hands gently holding your arms. “Jus’ the two of us. ‘nd ‘s free.”

You laugh gently, turning to face Hobie. “You did all this?”

He nods, and you can’t help but lean forward and hug him tightly. He didn’t understand, not by a long shot, why anyone would want to go to prom. But he still helped you, made it up for you. And that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you.

Pulling away, you plant a gentle kiss on his jaw. “Thank you, seriously. I thought I was going to spend tonight sulking.”

Hobie laughs quietly, pulling you towards the make-shift prom. There isn’t much to do, but the two of you share snacks and drinks, dance a small bit, and just talk a lot. It was quiet with just the two of you, much nicer than a normal prom.

You noticed how close Hobie wanted to be with you. He was always touching you; holding your hand, waist, or fingers. It was so.. out of character. Yet, you felt amazed at how comfortable he was with you after everything before to now.

When the two of you settle on the blanket, you silently watch the sunset. Your head lies in Hobie’s chest while he strokes your hair contently.

“‘ve been thinkin’.” Hobie starts, glancing down before looking up again. “‘bout what ya said. Goin’ public ‘nd stuff.”

“Oh? That was just-”

Hobie cuts you off. “‘f ‘s what ya wan’, le’s do it.”

Your eyes light up as you sit up, turning to face him. “Seriously? You’re okay with getting labeled as my boyfriend? Just like that?”

“‘f ‘ur fine with gettin’ labeled as trouble.” He responds confidently, a smirk on his face. “‘s not easy.”

You smile gently, kissing Hobie gently on the lips, his lip ring giving a cool and sensational feeling. He grunts for a moment before grabbing your waist, kissing back. He’s obsessed with you, the way you feel on him and here in this moment. His brain goes haywire every-time he’s near you.

When you pull away, you place a gentle hand on his cheek. “It’ll be easy if we’re together, hm?”

“‘s the spiri’. Now, dance wit’ me, yeah?”

He stands you up to dance with him, the music playing a softer yet harsh tune to dance to. But you both didn’t care. You simply danced and swayed together, twirling and sharing laughs and kisses.

As Hobie dances and kisses you again and again, his thoughts run. He was used to being labeled; as a hero for Spider-punk, as a rebel for school, and as scary all around. But this label he’s creating for himself - it’s better than the others. One that he controls and more importantly, let’s them know that he’s got you. That he was given a chance and proved himself.

But of course he would never admit that.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The weekend comes and goes, and soon, it’s Monday, and your standing outside the school. You and Hobie both agreed to meet at the front of the school, walk in together, act as if all was normal. Treat it like another day.

“Hope I didn’ keep ya waitin’.” A voice calls from behind.

You turn and smile as Hobie makes his way up the steps. He leans down to kiss you, causing a few lingering students outside to gasp. He smirks when he pulls away, holding his hand out.

“Rea’y?”

You nod. “Absolutely.”

With a deep breath, you open the doors, walking in hand-in-hand with Hobie. He told you before to stand straight, to look confident, so you did. You looked forward, ignoring the gasps and stares you both got.

Everyone was going to go nuts about your relationship, it was quite annoying. They needed excitement in their lives, so on they go to bother the two of you. But you both agreed you were ready to ignore it. It was one of the terms to going public.

“Holy shit! Dude look, [Name] [Last] and Hobie Brown!”

“Holding hands? When did they start dating? Or.. even talking?”

“Girl remember, they kissed in the hallway that one time!”

“How could I forget?!”

Hobie grit his teeth as you squeezed his hand, opening up your locker. “Sorry.. maybe we shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t.” Hobie immediately stops you, leaning against the wall. “Don’ regre’ i’ jus’ because of those planks, hm? All tha’ ma’ters ‘s us.”

You sigh, shutting the door as you kiss his cheek. “You’re right. Thanks.”

“C’mon, ‘ll walk ya t’ class.”

“But you’ll be late if you do..”

You both look at each other before busting out laughing. Of course Hobie didn’t care, it was funny in itself. You were even able to ignore the annoying stares everyone around you were giving. Instead, the two of you walked off in blissful ignorance.

Maybe being with Hobie Brown would be easier than you thought.

tags for those who wanted it (🫶); @serenn08 | @babydollfoster | @em711 | @girl-detective16 | @midnightnoiserose

[helluva-dump]

Yeah I think I am officially done with the Helluva boss critical community… for good.

Before you guys flip your shit and accuse me of being a Stan, let me explain.

So I deleted my tumblr app and decided just to refreshen my mind and focus on other things. (Like my art, my own possible indie project, ect ) and being away for a while… it kind of made me realize how much of the critical community was becoming too much for my mental health.

Originally, I joined because season 2 disappointed with season 2, didn’t like how Vivziepop retconned things like the pilot, the possible workplace allegations, and of course… the fandom being super toxic as hell work promoting toxic positivity.

But holy shit…. Somehow the critical community is even worse than the fandom.

Like I swear nobody talks about what’s wrong with this community. I’ve seen blogs have such an unhealthy hatred to Viv where they post nonstop about her… it’s insane. Like when making account names “wah I hate Vivziepop”

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think all critical blogs act like this. I do in fact still follows few, only thing is the ones I follow don’t constantly whine and bitch all the time and actually do critique. And these reblogs I follow just do AUs, rewrites, and redesigns which to me I will always see as harmless fun since that’s what I wanna do.

As for the other half of criticals…. Hell, these people legit get mad and share screenshots making fun of fans with different opinions. Like, bruh, didn’t you guys get angry at stans for doing that to y’all? You guys are literally doing the exact same thing. And no I’m not talking about sharing screenshots of toxic fans that attack former employees and make excuses for a questionable workplace…. But like they’ll just mock fans that didn’t do anything bad.

I’m all for critiquing a fandom and there are Stans that have such an unhealthy parasocial relationships with Viv… but somehow I see people acting the same with their unhealthy hate obsession. Literally going through her IG and bitching and moaning…

Seeing people making assumptions about her and Gooseworks with the glitch x as well as Tracy just shows me how unhealthy this hate is becoming.

Yes, Viv and Tracy had a bit of a heated thing on Twitter. However, I don’t think it’s fair to assume she’s this evil evil hellspawn that’s plotting to destory glitch x. “She’s kissing ass to goodeworks with her fake smile” dude she’s probably a fan of their works, you really don’t know that.

Also, while I’m aware of the allegations concerning Salem (who I hope really recovers and they did really make this episode the best IMO)… it’s probably not fair to assume all employees get treated the same way… the only people that seem to know what went down are Erin, Ken, Salem, and Ashley Nicolas. Do I think the workplace abuse is possible? Yes, it’s why I haven’t bought any merch.

BUT the reason why I don’t like to discuss things like this is because half of the other stuff seems like flimsy evidence besides Salem’s vents. And I think it’s a bit risky to spread such misinformation and make assumptions. (One blog I’ve seen had so many anons sharing rumors and just go along with them which to me is dangerous…)

Like when the new episode aired, unlike everyone else, I actually loved it. This recent episode was so great it’s what I wanna see more of for Helluva boss. But eh… I noticed some haters bitch for the sake of it. Now, some of the critiques aren’t too bad, I did notice some flaws and I understand the concerns for salem. But like other half it’s just bitching for the sake of it…

Also I heard rumors how the deranged stalker fan of Fizz is a parody of critical blogs… tbh I highly doubt that because that trope always existed in cartoons (like Aggrestuko had one too) but considering a good chunk of “criticals” have a hate boner for viv, can you blame some fans for thinking that?

I really don’t like how the critical community became the anti community. Because not every critical person is an anti, I don’t even wanna fuck with that shit and I don’t ever wanna resort to that.

Hell, they drove one critical blog I loved away… over a bad miscommunication.🙃 and that blog was right, you don’t wanna make friends with this community with how some toxic people are.

Also I’ve been drawing a lot of Hazbin hotel stuff for my Heaven AU and it reminded me why I enjoyed Vivziepop’s ideas and stories so much. It somehow was helping me take edge away from my mental health.

I think it’s possible to still be a fan without labeling yourself as a stan or anti. That’s why I made this blog for. I was so worn out by the toxic positivity of the fandom, so this is my comfort space. But now I need to cut the critical community away since it’s now full of toxic negativity.

And as I said, I do plan to make an indie cartoon series and I feel like being part of this critical community is NOT gonna make me professional on my end. That being said, I don’t like Viv as she said things that rubbed me the wrong way BUT I’m not gonna let that kill my joy for Hazbin hotel.(and Helluva boss to an extent) I do think she has good ideas and they CAN work but she does need more writers than animators to help her execute them.

That’s why I’m only a bit more excited for Hazbin hotel lately

Now I’m not angry at anyone who followed me. I just wanna make some boundaries, and that being said, I’m still gonna critique both shows. However, I’m just gonna tag these posts as HH/HB critiques than HH/HB critical for now on. I feel like that’s more professional and more genuine if you wanna share opinions on stuff.

Just wanna get this off my chest, it’s what I wanted to express for a while.

And if fans come across this blog, don’t be afraid to interact I won’t bite. Everyone has their different opinions. I only have an issue with Stans that promote toxic positivity and dismiss employees that were treated badly is all.

[doing-swell]

(totally understand if this is too personal/you don't want to answer on anon, I'm just also too embarrassed to direct message) how did you work through religious guilt around sexuality/especially attraction to pregnancy? I'm 28f and finally starting to explore more sexually. I definitely don't want kids but the idea of being pregnant is so hot to me and I feel bad even looking at blogs about it. I know logically there's nothing inherently wrong with finding this stuff hot but ooooh boy shame brain disagrees. If you have capacity/ability to talk about how this was for you I'd appreciate it--I also have felt this way since I was a kid and it was really helpful just to know that someone else had that experience!!! Thank you either way, hope you're well<3

Anon! Thank you so much for asking 🩷

It’s taken me a long time to get here, even just viewing these blogs and seeing this content a few years ago would have REALLY scared me away. I always knew I was interested in pregnancy from a young age, and growing bellies were something that I looked to in absolute awe. I didn’t realize it was something I was thinking sexually about until I was in my teens — and then, I was confused even more because I didn’t know I was gay (lol). To be honest, I don’t even remember coming to the realization it was sexual. THAT is how much I pushed it away in my brain. A lot of my life I’ve been suppressing these feelings, taking them and shoving them in a box and putting them on a shelf. Thinking… okay I’ll save THAT for later.

(Continued below!)

It was this blog that made me come to terms with the fetish and kink in general - and the people I’ve met on here made me realize what I experienced was unlike what they also experienced. That was the first step in me realizing, oh hey, this isn’t fucking weird. Other people have the same thoughts and that’s OKAY!

I also think in general it’s so hard to know the people around you and what turns them on… and tbh, no one needs to know that (unless they want to be forward about it). EVERYONE has something a lil kinky they like, whether they’ve found that thing or not, and at the end of the day I’m grateful I know what turns me on AND that I can (or could) actually experience it one day.

Telling my therapist was a huge step for me as well, I told her about my pregnancy fetish a few months ago and what I thought would be met with judgement and disgust was met with… neutrality. She told me that EVERYONE has their thing, and a huge part of why I’m shameful of it is that I’m embarrassed by SEX. Not my fetish. Embracing your sexuality, especially growing up in religious communities is not easy. We were taught our whole lives to be good little girls and never think about such horrid things - but I’m here to say that thinking about these things is 1. Fun and 2. Teaches you who you are and how your relationship with sex could be!

The next step after telling my therapist was telling my girlfriend. I truly thought in my teens and in college I would NEVER tell anyone about my fetish but here I am, in a healthy and happy relationship, with a partner who loves me AND knows about this blog and my fetish. It is freeing in a way I never knew was possible. Hearing her tell me the show we’re about to start has 3 pregnancies I can look forward to, or her telling me she’s so excited for me to be so hot and pregnant with her babies…. It’s HOT. And it’s what other folks who don’t have our certain fetish experience too. We deserve love. We deserve to be turned on and to not live in shame of who we are.

At the end of the day, as long as we’re not hurting anyone with this fetish, we’re only hurting ourselves by suppressing it.

Sorry for the lengthy response, but you definitely unleashed something in me! Always happy to chat with you if you’re ever comfortable. No need to be embarrassed. I wish you so much love and luck in your journey. 🥳🩷

[11queensupreme11]

My day absolutely sucked today! Firstly my hair looked like ass than NONE of my friends in my class were there so I was a loner is my classes than I had this dutch test (I'm Dutch) but we only had 30 minutes and I really needed to do good because on my last Dutch test i had a 4,8/10. Than I had pysichs (don't know how to spell it) and that felled like 5 hours (thank god for my AirPods. I also goth two grades back both 5,5/10 for the pre exams thing I told you about. BUT my mother is really strict in my school so everything under a 6/10 she sees as failed so I was really scared to tell her about it and also the other two subject I really failed.

Than like a hour ago my mom finds out about my my grades and she got really mad (like you always got good grades when you were younger!) and than my dad also got mad so I cried (in my room hell no I'm gonna cry in front of people) and tomorrow I have another test and I'm scared to fail that one.

And the thing that gets me mad about that is that I'm almost always top of my class but they don't care about that no they only care when I do one bad thing so now if I get a bad grade myself I don't even care about it I just get scared how they will react. And than they tell because I'm so "privileged" they will take away things like my phone and tv.

Sorry for the vent I just wanted to tell all this to people I don't really know and stuff you don't have to post this I don't really care but if you do post it please tell me if I'm overreacting on the last part

you definitely were NOT overreacting in the last part. it honestly seems like ur being pressured by your parents tbh, im so sorry

also, i HATE IT when parents pull the "you always got good grades when you were a younger" bs ughhhhh

there is a VERY big difference between coursework when you were a lil kid and coursework when ur in high school or college (im assuming ur in high school?)

OF COURSE the stuff you're learning is gonna get harder as you move up a grade, OF COURSE, ur grades aren't gonna be the same as it was when you were a lil kid, WE WERE DOING BASIC MATH AND HAD LIKE, FOUR FUCKING SUBJECTS TO FOCUS ON unlike now where our math now has letters and we got 6+ subjects to study and do assignments for (on top of working or other extracurriculars we got).

it irks me so much when they start comparing your school performance from when you were a kid, cuz like duh?? ofc things are gonna change, use ur brain dumbo!!!

i am so sorry that ur stressing out over ur exams and the fact that ur parents aren't making things easier.... i hope this week passes smoothly for you and you can take a break from everything soon 💖

[bonesandthebees]

now for the strategy exercise

I think phil choose that exercise on purpose, believing it could show well the benefits of tommy being a blank slate (just as this phrase isnt getting out of wilburs head, youre not getting away from the unintentional lyric reference)

also the solution tommy gives is pretty simple, it kinda shows how niki and q both tried to go the way they are most familiar with, showing off a bit their capabilities, thinking about more tricky stuff like the psyche of the people, with niki especially

the exercise is about coming up with a super complicated strategy, its more about finding out what APPROACH they would take to this situation

and like I understand the problem with nikis solution but tbf to niki, she came up with a much better solution to the presented problem when you focus just at the result, unlike tommys plan hers was thought thru and didnt have that many loopholes, it just didnt fit phils expectations, like when this happens to me in an exam, im also arguing with the teacher that the fact that it wasnt their answer doesnt mean my answer isnt correct

now im bit saying I think thats the best way to rule a kingdom BUT niki is very rightfully angry about phil praising tommy

and honestly I just think good for niki yk, like yes, go get that power, whatever it takes

I love her standing up against phil but than being scared she messed up, there are so many layers to her it's amazing

you always treat your female characters right and rose!niki is prime example of that, she is everything I adore her so much and I support her rights and her wrongs

and when it comes to q, hes the one that confuses me bc he seems so easy to read and very certain about being chosen as the heir which is very dangerous in court and foolish and first look youd think hes just not good at hiding his opinions which could tie into him being a less likely heir

but like hes been at the court for quite some time and must know how much of a disadvantage being readable is so maybe hes playing is double layered, pretending to be easy to read while actually hiding the important stuff, I mean wilbur calls him really smart and witty

or theres a secret third option where its only wilbur whos able to read him so well and we wouldnt know bc its from wilburs pov but the way its described, compared to how wilbur reading niki is described this is unlikely id say

and the worst is that with the kind of character quackity is he could be either, like he turns out to be super smart and calculative ill be like thats so like him but if he turns out to be actually just that egoistic and easy to be ill be like yeah thats exactly like the train wreck of a man I know and love

I mean quackity knows his strengths and how to play on them, knows it wont be easy getting the throne and so he does stuff like partnering with schlatt, calling the meeting...

but with the strategy exercise it shows that hes putting everything on his strong suits and thats not always gonna be enough

oh yeah phil definitely chose the exercise for a reason. tbh it was a test for all three of them, less to learn their war strategy and more to learn how well they take guidance and criticism. definitely highlights the benefits of tommy being a blank slate.

and that ties into the issue with niki. while her plan had some issues, it was the most realistic of the three. the problem was her reaction to phil's criticism. she had a right to argue with phil regarding the success of her strategy, but that's not what phil wanted.

I'm glad you're enjoying rose!niki so far. like yes, she stood up to phil and was stubborn and angry and ruthless, but she was also scared. she was worried she messed up and regretted speaking out because she deals with so much pressure to always maintain a certain public persona and reputation, because her future is so reliant on it. I'm so happy I get to spend so much time focusing on niki in a long fic like this. rose!niki is so complicated and has so much going on with her, I'm really excited to continue diving into her character.

hmm won't go into detail to what's going on with q, but I'd say there's a mix of things going on from what you said. wilbur's pov definitely plays a role in how well we're able to read him, but also he is very aware of the games being played and knows how to adjust his behavior accordingly.

[deadrlngers]

3, 4, 9, 17 for ves and nix ‼️‼️‼️

more clownery from the two clowns :)

ask game

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a conscious realization of “I love this person,” but a moment that had them like “Oh…I adore them…”

I think that for both it's a build up of things, it's a gradual realization. It comes from the little moments when Fenix finally sees how there's someone who's reliable and strives to help him and cares for his wellbeing and Vesper suddenly realizes that she smiled more in the last week than in the last 2 years, when they're together in such a busy city like the one they live in and it suddenly feels like it's just the two of them in the whole world, in the smiles and laughs and longing stares, it's all an explosive mix until they just have to surrender to the realization..they make me white knuckle grip the sink fr.

4. Does this change over time? What will always reliably make them melt with how much they adore the other character?

It's the small little things for me!!!!!!!!!! Fenix getting a little :) seeing Vesper bicker with her brother like they are 15 y/o, or when it's just the two of them and she allows herself to be a little soft, to get a little cuddly,,and says he's Everything to her; Vesper melting like an ice cube under the sun when he gets all funny and cracks jokes and does his stupid little grin and she has to fight back her smile to not stroke his silly ego and then fails every single time. When Fenix goes ti amo and Vesper doesn't know how to answer back in a mix of shyness and embarrassment and it's been 10+ years girl get a grip!!! When Fenix begins rambling about whatever book or thing only him and other 5 ppl in the world are interested in and she says 'u look very handsome when u get all clever' and he's like 👉👈 who, me? genuinely so unwell about them let's move on

9. What do they think about commitment? Is a long-term partnership the goal? Are they thinking about building a life with their partner, or are they focused on the present?

Inch resting question fr. Vesper thinks of the present, living the current day type of feel, and while a 'forever and ever for the rest of our days' lives somewhere in her mind she doesn't actively think of it, mainly out of fear of the future. Fenix on the other hand is a lover. A hater on the surface then a hater deep down and i'm sure there's some more hater until we reach lover BUT it's there and it got unlocked the moment he got with Vesper. I think he genuinely hopes and dreams of spending every moment of his life with her, he's the type of fella that looks back at his life and goes it would have zero meaning if you weren't there with me, he's so sweet :// plus neither of them ever thought of stuff like marriage because they both considered it smth that was never going to be for them until Fenix was like (dead serious, heart about to explode in his chest) we should get married :') and Vesper was like haha you're hilarious :) wait what do u mean it's not a joke. They are building a life together yea <3

17. Under what circumstances would they want to be left alone by their partner?

Game events are the longest 'i want to be left alone by every single person in the world' event Vesper had so that tells you that, in the face of a crisis or rough times that personally involve her, she prefers to be left alone which isn't exactly the greatest choice let's be honest. She thinks that she can handle everything on her own, pushes Fenix away when he tries to offer his help, she simply needs to swim in her own pool of desperation sjfjsjk

Fenix wants to be on his own after a fight, just like Vesper tbh but while she could keep on fighting for hours he just walks away before saying stuff he could regret. He's veeery good at saying stuff he could regret later, especially when he's angry himself which doesn't happen that much, seems unlikely but it's very hard to make Fenix lose his temper but when it happens it's..not a pretty show

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Шоу о девочке у кого есть холодний фасад? Это моя любинмая типа. Она похожа на меня.

Really hope I got that right, it's been a while since those college Russian classes. I knew this would be one I liked. I knew it would be a fun one to watch with sweetie. I did not expect something to compete with this year's already existing one-two pinch of bangers in Apothecary Diaries and Frieren: Beyond Journey's End. Can't believe a silly little light novel romcom like Alya Sometimes Hides Her Feelings in Russian would be so good.

Pretty simple setup, not unlike your Kaguyas and your Komis. Titular Alya is a pretty, refined ice queen who transferred to an elite academy. This time the hook is she's biracial; Russo-Japanese which is more common than people tend to think at first. They are right by each other, before Russia went off the rails a dream trip for me was always this ferry that goes from Western Japan to a South Korean port then up to Vladivostok on the far Eastern edge of Russia. There's also the Kuril Islands, a disputed chain north of Japan proper. Lot of cool history there, I'd highly recommend Vaga Vagabond's video on the Sakhalin Oblast. Very cool blend of old Japanese & Russian architecture. Great channel in general tbh, hitchhiker traveling his native Russia.

Where was I? Oh, right. Alya is half-Russian and grew up there. So behind that cold demeanor she has a habit of muttering what's really on her mind in Russian. The main guy actually does know the language but he hides that from Alya. Because holy shit is this girl forward. Good lesson for anyone bilingual; one of my favorite genres of faux pas is when someone who gets way too comfortable shit-talking people in a less-common language locally gets checked by someone they didn't realize could understand them.

Pictured above is the infamous sock scene. You can look up "Alya Sock Scene" and find it pretty easily I'm guessing. Yeah...if you have a friend with zero reading comprehension that just likes to call things "problematic?" Steer them away from this one. Alya's pretty brazen in Russian, the series loves going into lewd anime romance tropes, and it embraces that aspect. What makes it work is a certain level of awareness...like, the main guy is just into this kinda otaku stuff. So he'll comment how he's ended up in a dating sim scene or something. His sister's the same way, and it clearly isn't real incest but she likes to tease him by invoking existing tropes like that. I like it, but yeah it'll probably be a deal breaker for some.

As a whole I think it works. Alya is very cute, when she's not using language to hide flirting she's using it to hide that she's just insecure about not fitting in well or has trouble asking others for help. It's a great foundation with a lot of flexibility. The main guy Kuze is also solid, has some baggage with his parent's divorce and coming from wealth. The side characters are great too. I can't wait for future seasons.

[bisluthq]

I feel like especially Taylor’s circle is really tight and wouldn’t tell her inner thoughts? I could’ve gone the way that the “source” described it, I have no way to dispute them, but something like “he told her to give their relationship another try in January” would mean that his inner circle knew before that date and there’s no way they’re telling this story now after more than a year of their breakup. If this had come out last year or at least before ttpd I would’ve believed it immediately, but now the timing seems off and gives clout chasing. His inner circle too seems really tight, all of them could’ve said a lot of things last year or before ttpd yet they chose to stay silent. I feel like if he doesn’t put his thoughts into music will most likely never know his version and we already know Taylor’s version of the story so the rest feels like the random submissions people were sending deuxmoi last year

yea. It’s also hella convenient that he suggested they give the relationship a try on the one date we have them hanging out publicly lol but they only remembered about all this now. What a fucking fortunate koinkydink lmao for the London based “source”.

again, none of it sounds like it can’t be true but good guesses/decent headcanoning doesn’t require intimate knowledge of the situation and it seems unlikely that this person had such intimate knowledge iykwim.

as I always say idk like judge the thing in context: the odds of someone being close enough to Taylor to KNOW all that and not only talk, which seems unlikely, but talk to a random podcast are very fucking low.

I also HATE “this person lives in X so they’d know” sources lmao. London is a fuck off big city. Even North London is not small. I have multiple friends who live in that general area. I don’t think any of them have the faintest clue what went down between Matty/Taylor/Joe. My one friend who lives there is a big Swiftie and when they moved there she used to post things about looking for Taylor and Joe out and about but she hasn’t afaik even seen either lmao yet. She saw Taylor at Wembley obviously but not out and about and not for lack of looking.

It’s like idk I don’t know what’s going on with my neighbors tbh even though I’ve met all of them. If the people across the road from me are getting a divorce, I don’t have a clue. They seem fine but idk lol what their deal is. If the gay guy next door is moving someone in, I don’t have a fucking clue lol - he seems chronically single like historically but he has people round obviously so idk maybe he does have a boyfriend or a fuck buddy or some shit. No clue. We’re a corner property so those are our only two direct neighbors and I talk to them all once a week or so and say hi and stuff when we take the rubbish out but idk what’s going on. I’m sure that’s true for most of you too. So it’s odd to me to be like “well X lives in that city so they’d know” lol. I live next door to these people and I don’t know what their deals are that well because they’re not really my friends lol they’re just people I live next door to. I know the people across the road are married and have kids and I’ve met them all and I know the guy next door is an old gay guy with a German shepherd he really loves who lets a room out sometimes (he had this one super annoying tenant whose cat kept getting stuck in my garden idk if the cat was trying to get away from the dog) but that’s like p much the extent of my tea on my neighbors.

[yegas]

💖💖💖 YES KNB!!! such fun times. that era honestly felt like the prime of my (tumblr) life HAHAHA! the fandom was amazing. and I definitely remember your akashi obsession!! YEAH GO FOR IT!!! rewatch for the nostalgia 🥲 for a while back, I would rewatch some scenes or certain eps just to relive the ✨good ol' times✨ like the old timer I am lmao

ngl, I still haven't found my soft spot for their new album yet and even with The Stage, there are only a few select that I really like.. I've been listening to them lately though, but always find myself going back to Nightmare down to the older albums

LOL I HAVE NOT OPENED TUMBLR ON DESKTOP SINCE THE PANDEMIC and I honestly don't even know how it looks like anymore.. but as I remember, even during that time, the system's been a pain in the arse (but having to contact customer support to help w your theme??? wtaf 🙃) and tumblr hasn't been... flourishing as it once did...at least that's how I see it. the interactions are so minimal.. these days, a post that would've gotten 1k notes instantly before would probably only have 300+ notes now, it's a little bit demotivating for graphic makers.. times have changed 🥲

where did you find her?? also relieved on your behalf that you did! I'm okay. currently going through some heartbreak rn but I'm surprisingly...well... (unless I'm running away and not processing my emotions properly looool) otherwise, yeah all is good!

same, the best era hands down! wish the manga was still ongoing :(

i get you, i never got into the stage at all for some reason. i love mattel and nobody off of LIBAD tho. my fav album of theirs is the self titled and nightmare goes right after it, although nightmare got me into them in the first place, it's great to this day!

really is the mobile app any good?? i don't have it yet, i don't even have any phone storage left right now lol i need to make some room, and my phone is ancienttt. yeh i noticed, it's unfortunate, i guess there's way fewer users nowadays. i've been looking for good & active anime blogs to follow these past few days and they're not nearly as easy to find as back in the day. it's cool tho how some many very old posts still get recognition once in a while, unlike on on other social media (tbh i only post stuff on instagram, and lurk around on fb groups and reddit, can't stand twitter and tiktok lmao)

she was hiding in a bush near my apartment building, probably wouldn't have seen her if she hadn't come out to hiss at a nearby stray cat lolol

ugh i'm really sorry you're going through this. i'm glad you're handling it well, but just know you don't have to hold everything in. i know it helps me a ton to process ended relationships by expressing my feelings & thoughts somehow, if you do want to vent about it i'm here for you!!

[gleefullypolin]

There's no way I wouldn't become the worst version of myself if I had to live through this one weekly, hah. I definitely cleared my day because I know if I don't something will happen and god only knows when I'd be able to watch after that.

Yeah, I remember them breaking up Stranger Things which I thought was a good idea as well. That one was a lot easier for me to deal with as a much more casual viewer. And to be fair, it's a decent way to get two months of $$$ from people who only sign up for that month for a show then either have to let it go another month or the people who forget about their trial period they made and they still get the money anyways.

I agree about the ups and downs, it takes them a good minute to be on the same page even while engaged. I think a lot of people took the Ross and Rachel comparison to the extreme of it all when honestly the thing about Ross and Rachel was always their timing which is what I felt they were implying. I think the miscommunication of it all is going to be a hurdle for them, Penelope especially keeps her feelings to herself and god knows Colin is absolutely obsessed with the taste of his own feet at this point by the way he keeps sticking them in his mouth.

For sure, I think he needs to know about LW. Will they hang it over their heads? I don't know. I see ways they can but I'd preferably like him to figure it out so they can hash it out once and for all and the rest of that conflict comes from their own miscommunication/the blackmail/Queen stuff going on. Friends to lovers gives me big time working on it together vibes so I'd like to see that. I don't often love the friends to lovers trope tbh so I'm hoping they really pull through for me the one time I'm really into it, ha.

The way people want him punished is a little much for me. This man is going to be living his karma, he is well and truly going to be suffering from a situation he's going to have a hand it making. His anger was what knocked him right off of his pedestal for her in the book and her keeping the secret from him knocked her sideways in the idea he had of her in the book so I feel like they're taking the spirit of it and using it in the show which is good. It's not as if Penelope has told him she's in love with him. And truly, she loves a version of him he was bound to never live up to so until they're equals in it, I don't think it's going to be whatever the other one is thinking it's going to be.

Oh Eloise. I have started her book recently and my god the woman is impulsive. A tad self centered but I do love the book version of her more than the show version at this point. I really hope Eloise comes around to Penelope's apologies and gives one of her own this season. I think we'll see it but you never know. I think eps 7 & 8 are going to be so much all at once. Between the Queen and the rest of it, it's going to be A Lot.

Yeah, I'm not sure what role LW plays with Benedict but I remember hearing it was pretty important. I know she's not really been a factor in Eloise's book, mostly since it takes place outside of London and Penelope and Colin's book is before hers. It gives too much to the show to really take it away though, I think. Reading the book makes me realize how unnecessary the Marina/Colin plot was since it was added just to the show and now I sort of want to know what they were thinking. It feels like a years early conflict for Polin and no other real reason. No idea why they made her so unlikable in the show at all, seems absurd knowing about the book version of Marina now.

I KNOW I am going to cry. Oh well, I've given into it and accepted it's going to happen. I sat through the 3rd season finale of OUAT crying like a baby over Captain Swan so there's no way this isn't going to do me in.😄

Yeah I can take something more casual weekly. I’m a nerd so I enjoy a variety of shows that I can watch weekly (Game of thrones, Doctor Who, I’m a Trekkie, and yes I handled Strangers Things going in 2 parts just fine) but for some reason this season has got me up in my feels and I just want it now. I read a fan fiction today that had me sooo in my feels I was tearing up and then I was like omg Stacy, get it together you are not going to survive this season!

You made such a valid point about the $$$$ because I have totally signed up for a trial just to watch a show and then cancelled after I binged it! So making it go weekly would totally end that practice!

Yup I think we better buckle up for a wild ride. These two have been utter shit at communication and we can’t expect them to figure out how to do it just because they were suddenly inappropriate together in a carriage lol. I snorted so loudly at the comment about his feet because damn this is so true!! Friends to lovers definitely means we get to see some conflicted feelings from Colin when he realizes his biggest enemy is his biggest alliance. I love so much about that honestly. And it will take working together for them to figure that out together on how they work that out. Because its going to be a serious issue and his love for his best friend and his confusing feelings that have now grown for Pen and his need to now protect her is going to be sooooo huge for him.

I’ll be honest after the end of last season I was on the “beat the crap out of Colin” team…but then I sat with that and all the trailer and stuff for the season came out and I was like how can you want him to suffer more than this? And I’ve been reading Romancing Mister Bridgerton chapters, and that Colin has a heart of gold and so much love for that woman so if we get even an ounce of that, I’m good. But then I think I’m as bad as Pen and have him on a pedestal LOL!! But she definitely up through last season did love a version of him that he could NEVER live up to! And this will be the first real opportunity where she can get to really see the real Colin and be honest with who she is and who he is and actually love him for who he is but lets be honest, Pen needs to learn to love Penelope too.

I’m curious if they will allow Pen/Eloise to reconcile this season or if she will disappear by end of season to start her own story before they resolve their piece. UGH I don’t want to think they leave that part unresolved tho.

I hated hated hated the Marina/Colin plot. Hated it. And I hated the way they wrote the character of Marina. She came in hot and uncaring. I’m curious how they will deal with her and if she will meet the book’s end. But her storyline in the show was annoying to me. Maybe I should read the book and see if I feel differently about her in the story!

I will cry too, I will cry at any well written romance! Oh my OUAT can still make me cry. I can cry over a well written Captain Swan fanfiction. Hell I have cried written Captain Swan fan fiction, I’m an emotional person for sure so I think I’m screwed this season!

[techycatartist]

11-06-23

Dear Diary,

It’s been over a month since I’ve had something substantial to add…though some of that was just not having the motivation to write. But I think I’ll get somewhere with this.

So, the elephant in the room. My coaster’s still not open. Neither is Shellraiser’s. Though it seems that it’s actually caught up to him— he (begrudgingly) has stepped down from his leader role in order to not make his sick worse. Seems like all the extra work for the Halloween party was too much.

Shredder, by default, is in charge now (and you better believe she lost it when Shellraiser personally appointed the role to her). Timmy’s her right-hand woman that keeps her in check (and uses the opportunity to very obviously flirt with Shredder— too bad Shredder’s mind is so dead set on romancing Shellraiser that it completely flies over her head). They’ve actually adapted quite well to the role, though they’re not leading like Shellraiser does.

Shredder’s birthday just passed. She seemed to have enjoyed it for real, unlike what I was doing for mine. I made a point to be there physically but it was a struggle to be there mentally for more than a few moments. Nothing against her, it’s just me.

I tried spending some time with him, y’know, given that both of our coasters are down for neptune knows how long, but...he’s kind of boring tbh. He doesn’t watch the same stuff that I do, and he’s always watching with a critical eye. Seems like Shellraiser even treats his downtime seriously! Eventually I just retreated back to my room.

Slime is currently having a playdate with Lil’ Devil Coaster. She’s been spending a lot of time outside the park because of me. I’m not the awesome big sibling she used to have, just a sad sack of nothing.

Though speaking of other Coasterdroids like me…We had a multi-park Halloween party a week ago. Mostly other NJ parks, though we shockingly managed to get a hold of the Hersheypark gang (minus Skyrush, who apparently collapsed into a “ball of sickness” after their coaster had been running on one train for the back half of the season— evidently, it caught up). Can’t say I did much partying though…I don’t like large social gatherings even when I’m not depressed. But I did give an initial “hello” to all the guests before I crawled back under my metaphorical rock…though I nearly had a full conversation with someone.

With the Great Adventure crowd came El Toro, and while I don’t know him personally I know that his coaster was closed for a good while and didn’t open until June. I thought he might have some advice I could use. But…his coaster DID re-open this year— and to my knowledge, has operated without any further extended downtime.

He’s not struggling like I am (and probably doesn’t want to talk to a ‘nobody’ like me).

I tried to keep myself entertained during the party, putting on the usual lineup of halloween-themed episodes.

But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t fulfilling.

At least I have a stash of Hershey’s candy in my room now.

11-07-23

Dear Diary,

It’s 8 am as I write this, which is new for me. Usually I write in here when I can’t sleep, though I guess sleep is still relevant here. I didn’t get you to keep a record of my dreams, but I feel like I need to get this one down, for…reasons.

[The dream starts here]

It’s a warm summer day.

I’m at the beach, strangely in my usual wear instead of my bathing suit.

I’m lying down in the sand on my back.

My dream-self knows the others are there, but I can’t see them.

It looks like nobody else is on the beach, or in the water.

It’s very quiet, besides the ocean.

The tide is rolling in.

It only reaches up to my feet, at first.

But with every wave, it gets closer.

The water is cold, but not frigid. Refreshing(?)

Slowly, the water begins to surround me.

It gets to the point where my head is just above the water.

At that point, I’m some distance away from the shore.

The next wave is unusually large.

It’ll definitely pull me underwater if I don’t get up.

But I’m still lying there.

I don’t know why.

The wave is getting closer, building and building.

It reaches me, floating me towards the ocean.

Just as it’s about to hit my face, I wake up.

…Maybe I’ll figure out what this means someday.

[bigbadripley]

Chapter 8 - All I Wanted

Marc Spector/Steven Grant x Female!OC

Summary: Marc never expected to see his childhood friend Simone ever again. To Simone, Marc may as well have been dead. However, when Simone met Steven 15 years after Marc disappeared, she couldn’t help but notice how familiar he was.

18+ | 2kish Words | Third-person omniscient | Dark?fic/Angst | AU/AT |

Warnings: Heavy language, OC with religious trauma, childhood trauma, sexual trauma. Physical and emotional abuse of a minor, lots of angst, death mention, prison mention, slut-shaming, threat of inspection, kissing, alluding to the possibility of sex, trauma related breakdown, violence TBH if you’ve read this far, you can handle this chapter just fine but proceed with caution because these kids make me sad.

A/N: There are periodic flashback chapters, this is one of them. I update warnings with each chapter. Only proceed if you can handle the themes included in the warnings. I wrote this entirely as a trauma dump.

Minors DNI, DL;DR, if I miss a warning, please let me know.

Chapter list

"I could follow you to the beginning Just to relive the start And maybe then we'll remember to slow down At all of our favorite parts All I wanted was you" -"All I Wanted" by Paramore

 Marc had spent his Saturday night writing a note for Moni. Unlike the stuff she writes, he didn't think it was any good, but he did his best to express himself. According to her, that's all it takes. 

Writing from the heart.

He had noticed that she was a little more upset this week and wanted to make her feel better. She always tries to do that for him, at least. His options were limited on what to do, so he decided to tell her everything he liked about her.

The problem for him was that once the note was written, he needed to grow a pair and give it to her. 

I can't do that! What if she hates it? 

Marc ultimately decided to leave it somewhere for her. Moni's mom always makes her go to church every Sunday morning, so he already expected them to be gone when he cut through the woods to get to their house from his. 

As always, Moni's window was unlocked. She always left it unlocked in case he had a bad day and needed to get away or couldn't reach her on the walkies. 

He pushed the window open and slipped through, not minding the noise he might make because the house was due to be empty. 

"Nosotras vamos a tarde, Mija!" Marc heard Moni's mom yell. It startled him into almost yelping, but quietness was vital now that he knew the place was still occupied. 

Marc pulled the note out of his pocket, heart thudding to move as quickly as possible with every footstep he heard echoing through the house. 

"Okay, mamá, I'm still getting ready!" Moni yelled back from the bathroom, sounding frustrated. There were two things she hated: church and being rushed. She wished her mom would let her say home. "I really don't feel good." She added, sounding like she was pleading. 

Marc could only think to put the note inside that bear of hers with the rest of them. He grabbed it off the bed and tucked the paper inside the best he could, ensuring that when Moni pulled from the bear again, it would be the first one she picked. 

"You're going to church! You're only sick because you hold guilt in your heart." Moni's mom yelled again, this time much angrier. From there, Marc heard footsteps grow louder and louder until a door creaked open. 

Moni was still sitting on the toilet, crying, when her mom swung the bathroom door open. 

Jesus, why did she have to replace every doorknob in this house with unlockable ones?

"You aren't even dressed!" Moni's mom yelled when she saw her daughter still in her pajamas. 

Marc knew he needed to jet. He sat the bear back where he got it, and as he stuck one foot out the window, he heard something that sounded like something he would hear at his house. 

"Mom, please!" Moni screamed, followed by the sound of a slight struggle. 

Moni's mom grabbed her wrist and yanked her off the toilet, tossing her to the cold tile floor. "You will go put on your dress now!" Her mom ordered. 

Though Marc couldn't see what was happening, he imagined precisely how it happened. He wanted to march out and do something, but he continued to slide back outside. 

I can't even help myself. What good could I possibly do for Moni?

Moni pulled herself off the floor, feeling pain in her ribs from the impact, and took herself to her bedroom. There, she noticed her window was open, but there was no sign of anyone coming in. 

Marc motherfucking Spector, what the hell were you thinking?

She did as her mom told her to and dressed in one of the many Sunday dresses that her mom insisted she needed. Every single one was a bright or pastel color made simply to make her look more childlike. 

Today's particular one she chose was a periwinkle color with yellow and pink flowers that stopped below her knees. The dress made Simone feel awful, but it was the perfect thing to wear to a church full of old people who looked at the developed girl with the conclusion that she was-

-A whore. 

-A troublemaker.

-Up to no good with that Spector boy.

Marc didn't understand how Moni was so sure that was what people thought of her. Sure, her mom said that, but Marc never took any flack for being involved with the girl. On top of that, his dad found Moni to be-

-Polite.

-Bright.

-The daughter he never had.

How could Moni be anything different? Did people just look at her and assume she was bad news?

In Moni's eyes, the answer was yes.

Ever since the pair became friends when Moni was 5 and Marc was 6, their relationship was regarded in a way that children should never be, assumed to be each other's "little boyfriend and girlfriend" from the start. 

Marc knew Moni never wanted that growing up. They were just kids.

Two kids who were normal until one day, they weren't. 

Marc's brother died. His mom snapped.

Moni's dad went to prison. Her mom snapped.

The events that turned these kids' worlds upside-down happened within eight months of each other. Nothing would be the same again, the only exception being that they still had each other.

 When Moni got home from church, she and Marc arranged to meet at their thinking tree. The tree was the biggest in the woods and close to the clearing where they normally stomped around. 

There, they daydream about running away and becoming famous, buying homes next to each other, retiring to the same place, and playing bingo together with gray hair. 

It didn't matter to Moni where they met, just so long as she got out of this house and away from her mother. 

"I'll be back before dark, mamá!" She yelled out as she rushed for the backdoor. 

Typically, when she could get the door closed before her mom responded, she was in the clear. This wasn't one of those times.

"Where are you going, Simone?" Her mom yelled back. This stopped Moni in her tracks. She wished she hadn't said anything at all. 

Wished she would have just left. 

"I'm going to Marc's." She mumbled, standing fully upright, and eyes drifted to her mary-janes as she heard her mom's heavy footsteps thudding closer.

"Speak up, mija." Her mom said sternly. She was right behind Moni now. The girl cleared her throat,

"I'm just going to Marc's, mamá." She repeated more clearly this time. It was the lie she told her so her mom wouldn't know she met with Marc alone nearly every time. For some reason, the security of Marc's family being there didn't satisfy her mother this time.

"Should I be worried about you and that boy?" Mom asked, her accent rolling her words more aggressively. Moni shook her head,

"No, mama. We're just gonna go over our history packet." Moni said, tugging her backpack strap in hopes of her taking it helped. She was glad her mom hadn't made her turn around and face her, not wanting to cry and give her mom a further reason to yell. The 17-year-old girl reverted right back to 10 in these moments. 

"History packet," She spat, making Moni wince. "Boys his age only want one thing. I expect you home before dark, and I will make sure he didn't get it from you myself." 

Moni almost let out an audible gasp at this. Her mom wanted to examine her? The violation of her body and privacy made her heart beat with rage, and her stomach flew up into her throat. 

She wanted to yell that she couldn't do that to her, but couldn't get the words out like when you try to scream in a dream. Moni could only think of pushing through the back door and running, so she did. 

I can't go back there. Simone said to herself, fresh tears rolling down her face. If Marc was serious about running away, today must be the day. 

She got to the thinking tree to see Marc sitting there, waiting. She pushed herself forward to him like she was crossing the finish line in a race and skidded on her bare knees through grass, dirt, rocks, and twigs just to meet him where he was. 

Marc didn't expect to see her in a dress, particularly one that looked like that. He thought she looked beautiful, aside from the crying. He assumed her breakdown had to do with what he had heard that morning, and without a word, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in the rest of the way. 

Her arms were draped over his shoulders as she buried her face into his neck, wailing like a small child. He held her, caressing her back and smoothing his hand over the chiffon fabric, trying to console her. 

Marc hated seeing her like this.

"I wish I could just disappear." She spoke softly. 

"I'd miss you if you did," Marc replied. 

Moni felt comforted by this and sank deeper into him, relaxing her muscles as her breath shuddered. His embrace was the most incredible warmth she had ever known, and she felt safe there.

Marc noticed her starting to calm down as he squeezed her tighter, trying to snuggle out as much sadness as he could. Though he did it for her, he felt happier having her in his arms. 

Every breath Simone took filled her senses with an essence of Marc. His clean clothes, his freshly showered and soft skin, the reverberation of his voice in her ears when he would speak. It was clear he even put on some sort of cologne before coming out here. Somehow, everything was perfect right then. 

"You look pretty, by the way," Marc said, testing to see if he could push the envelope further. He expected her to hit him for that but was met with an airy giggle that tickled his neck instead. 

She slowly pulled away from him, meeting his eyes in the middle and noting how close they were.

Without a moment to spare, she kissed him. 

It was terrifying and terrific all at once. 

Marc was taken by surprise but found the rhythm right away. 

Moni felt her previous anguish wash away from her body as butterflies took over. 

Jesus, am I actually kissing Spector? This is so wrong. 

She backed out of the kiss and looked at Marc with an expression that alarmed him. She seemed genuinely baffled. 

"This is... weird." She said, laughing nervously. Marc nodded in agreement,

"Yeah, it is," He replied. 

It was weird as hell, but they started kissing again on impulse. Moni swore she was physically floating as her emotions got fuzzy and happy. It wasn't her first kiss, but the first that made her feel good. 

If it's so wrong, why does it feel right? She thought. Maybe mamá was wrong. 

Then, without thinking about it and taking a moment to pull away and see if Moni was okay, Marc slid a nervous hand down her hip. She seemed okay with it. She wanted to keep going, leave the shit at home behind, and be her own person. 

What if Marc and I had sex? Would that be so bad? She thought to herself. The idea made her heart race before she heard her mother speak up in her mind.

Boys his age only want one thing. Men only see you as a means of satisfaction. Don't be floozy. Don't be a whore. 

Marc felt Moni tense up suddenly. 

I know what you and that Spector boy get up to. Nothing but a jezebel! I'll make sure he didn't get it from you myself.

Moni kicked herself back from him unexpectedly. Her heart was thumping in her ears but drowned out by her mother's voice. 

"Don't touch me! I don't want to!" She yelled shakily. Marc instinctively put his hands out to try to calm her down. She was frantically hugging herself for protection. When Marc attempted to touch her shoulder, her right hand balled up and met his jaw swiftly. 

Marc fell back into the grass under them as Moni stood up, not taking a moment to brush the dirt off her dress or notice her cut up knees. She backed up slowly, seeing what she had done,

You were supposed to protect him, you idiot!

And ran back through the woods.

Marc sat up, sore jaw and angry at himself for being a traitor, feeling no better than those assholes at school. 

[bignickrgxa2]

OK so I finished the Saw movies (outside of Spiral and X) and I HAVE THOUGHTS.

IV is great. Really enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would when it started. I also love how really you can stop watching after 4? If you wanted to? Like 1-4 is a perfect little story in its own microcosm timeline. Definitely didn't see the twist coming at the end. God bless Tobin Bell man he is SO great. The icecrusher moment was MAD. The little lessons all throughout the movie setting up the last dumb mistake was super satisfying watching this dumb ass cop get what he deserved tbh. Guy was dumb as fuck. Great tests too. Really enjoyable stuff. Probably the right place to end it from a satisfactory story point of view. Not that the other movies aren't worth watching, they absolutely are, but it could have ended here and been a great little series.

Saw V was really good too, in its own way. And it was in its own way a lot of the time. In my head there's these two separate, not timelines obviously but like eras. 1-4 is the Jigsaw era and 5-7 is basically tidying up after a house party, but you just keep knocking shit over all the time and making it worse because you're still a little bit drunk? All that being said, I enjoyed 5 for what it was. I think the Strahm Vs Hoffman cat/mouse game works really well, and I actually really liked the whole twist element with the traps/victims too. Good stuff.

Saw 6 is where stuff starts to fall downhill quick for me in terms of the long-term storytelling. The traps, victims etc are actually all GREAT here though. Honestly probably the most effective of the entire franchise, which is why it's a shame that the surrounding "hunt for Hoffman" story, for me at least, is kinda ass. The wife involvement for me is kinda lame, didn't enjoy her just like pissing away whatever little character she had. Hoffman being actually incapable of maintaining Jigsaws legacy is an interesting little touch, but I don't think they did it well enough. The actual game though? God tier. Probably the best "game" since Saw 2. Loved it. Loved the little twist at the end. Great stuff.

Saw 3D is basically just "look how much gore we can stuff into these poorly edited body doubles" the movie. The story is better than 6 in a few ways, Hoffman is much more believable here than in 6 for some reason. Jill can still fuck off though, glad we finally got to see the Mouth-ripper trap that was teased in the FIRST MOVIE actually happen. Also look man the ending is perfect cinema, I don't care how lame it feels with the "this guy was helping Jigsaw the whole time" bullshit being done for a 3rd fucking time. It's THE BOY. I just wished we could have had more time with that actor man, he's so great. Shame we wasn't featured earlier on as an assistant tbh. Would have lifted the whole franchise even higher for me.

Jigsaw, is ass. Enjoyable, gory, Tobin is back briefly, but still ASS. All the characters are unlikable, the gore is actually really well done but it's impact is so insanely reduced at this point that even in just the most boring exposition scenes there's just a fucking dude with half his head just hanging out. Acting is BADD here. Like fucking Brazzers level shit. I liked the last trap in the game, not the last Lazer trap that was lame. But the actual twist in the game was nice. They always nail that bit. Bonneville is super hot but that isn't enough. Also just re-doing the fucking twist from Saw 2 and ANOTHER "THEY WERE HELPING JIGSAW THE WHOLE TIME" twist is just too much. Man had a whole fucking Avengers team to help him do shit the whole fucking time. Like 5 dudes.

Don't watch Jigsaw, 4-7 are pretty decent. Absolutely watch 1-4.

I watched the first 3 Saw movies for the first time yesterday and I have thoughts.

First movie is a fucking masterpiece, I didn't see the final twist coming at all, the soundtrack nails it, the acting is corny but absolutely works, the minimal gore really makes the gory moments work. Great movie.

Second movie I also really liked. Didn't see the final few twists coming either, brilliantly executed. Tobin Bell crushes. Characters in the house are a bit one note and cookie cutter, but because they're personalities are so big and obvious, it works? Because you don't spend every second with them. Again, gore isn't dialled up yet, so when it happens it's impactful. Good stuff. Not as good as the first movie, but still good.

Third movie is INSANE. Absolutely bonkers. Plot is wild, but actually works really well as a mind of twisty-ish narrative, if you completely switch your brain off. SO MUCH MORE GORE. Girl gets her tits ripped off, dude gets limbs twisted off, and never forget the fucking mouldy pig blender (absolute worst thing I've ever seen. Disgusting). The movie works (bare minimum I know), the small cast all work really well together and Tobin is just SO GOOD. Was really sad when the nurse bit the dust. Worst of the first three by a way I think, but still enjoyable. Expecting the gore to ramp the fuck up and the plots/twists to deteriorate in quality as the movies go on.

Excited to continue through them, hope they're not all garbage from here on out.

[upthehillart]

I want to discuss Pansy..

Warning: The topic of racism is addressed, specifically in relation to Pansy x Hermione ship. So I’ll put all my rambling under the cut.

___

Alright. I’ve received some messages questioning the morality of Pansmione. Now, this ain’t news or anything (it’s a long time coming tbh since I draw them a lot), and it’s far from being the only ship that tends to be interrogated, but it IS one of the only ones that actually carry the element of real racism - not the pure-blood stuff but race. I had read some posts and discourse online over the years, but I still feel inclined to make my own post and gather your opinions.

Now, personally, I love Pansmione. I love what they are in my head. I’ve reconciled the realities and nuances of this ship privately and in my own way and I’m able to enjoy them and find this pairing fulfilling and meaningful.

However, just to set the record straight, regardless of what headcanons anyone might come up with, canon Pansy IS an awful, racist, hateful person exhibiting almost zero redeeming qualities. I mean, she WAS sympathetic to her friends, like Draco, but they were all awful people so it’s not much of an argument. She’s a bully, period. (And if anyone is unclear about how Pansy has exhibited racism, she basically called Angelina’s afro braids to look like “worms coming out of [her] head”). Since Hermione is now commonly portrayed as black/POC now - by me, too - pairing her with Pansy gets extra tricky and raises issues - which is fair.

Secondly, I AM white, which means that I possess the privilege to even be able to reconcile with Pansy’s canon racism, unlike many other fans. I can’t ever forget about it, nor should I, but whenever I draw them, I do imply that Pansy’s a better person now. I feel like the fact that enjoying Pansmione can sometimes be a matter of privilege brings forth its own issues as well. Additionally, I know it gets even more complicated if Pansy’s portrayed as non-white herself (e.g. East Asian), and as a white person, I don’t know how to even begin to navigate this correctly...

___

So, how do we approach a character like Pansy, who is basically the only one (to my memory - correct me if I’m wrong!) who exhibited actual racial prejudice, one that may hit home directly to many fans? Is it wrong to give canon Pansy a fanon chance?

When looking at the real world and specifically at individual racism, I feel like the thing that moves us forward is not pretending that racism didn’t happen, or just eternally condemning the wrongdoer and turning away; what actually IS a productive step forward is for those at fault to learn and realize their racism, put effort into changing it, and compensating the hurt. That’s what progress essentially is - growth - and growth is good and sometimes deserves its own spotlight.

This principle is basically what fundamentally supports and justifies my like for Pansmione. That people, even the problematic ones, CAN deserve further character development and deserve the permission to grow up, learn, and become better (because nobody is born perfect and all-knowing). Pansy was never created/meant to be such a character, but just because that’s the reality in canon, it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t deserve to be given that by a fan that wants to. In a way, THAT is what IS actively progressive (- Do you agree or disagree?).

___

But when it comes to fanart, it gets more tricky because, unlike something like fanfiction, it cannot tell a fleshed-out story. It requires the viewer to use their own imagination and come up with the story themselves, or at least fill in the big gaps. And if you’re a viewer that finds Pansy’s character irreversibly uncomfortable or offensive, those gaps become impossible to fill in a manner that I can, for example. As a result, Pansmione then becomes repulsive.

So what, as a fanartist, can I do? What are my options? Does the fact that I, by default, can’t always communicate the complexities of the backstory in every fanart mean that some things - aka some ships - are inevitably and by default not okay to draw at all?

And in general, is Pansy just simply too problematic? Is today just “neither the time nor the place” for her and what she might represent? Is it immoral to attempt to make her, and ships with her, moral? My convictions disagree, but I’m always open to the fact I might not be informed enough, or too privileged.

That’s why I really want to hear your thoughts, especially from HP fans that are black and might find this matter even more personal. But everyone is welcome to pitch in. How does this ship make you feel? Is it uncomfortable to you? Do you like it, and if so, how do you make it work, how do you reconcile the inseparable canon reality of Pansy’s character?

Share your thoughts only if you feel comfortable and however you feel comfortable (comment, reblog, ask, DM, etc.)! Don’t feel afraid to provide constructive criticism regarding this topic too, I want to hear! I hope it makes sense what I’m trying to communicate, thank you so much for contributing!!

___

(P.S. For anyone even asking, “WHY care about Pansy at all? There are plenty more female characters to care about in HP” - I hear it, I get it, and yet, despite my many attempts to rationalize my like for Pansy, I always fail. Giving more positive representation to Slytherins? Being a big fan of redemption arcs? Enjoying enemies to lovers tropes? Drawn to relationship dynamics that aren’t easy/simple? Am I into this dark sassy character concept/aesthetic? Projecting my own personal struggles with growth and balancing inner “light” and “dark”? Any other reason? No single one of them seems to fully explain it, I guess they all play a part. So yeah, idk... It’s more than okay for people not to like Pansmione, but I do.)