#and someone commented they look like a team of gay cowboys

[meikyuunolovers]

David Bowie at Carmen's press launch, November 1973.

From L-R: Paul Fenton, John Glascock, Angela Allen, Roberto Amaral, David Clark Allen, David Bowie

[ofstoriesandstardust]

i miss you, i'm sorry (dani - twisters)

a/n: sooooo i know like four people will read this but twisters was for the bisexuals i said what i said. this is 3/4 of the way written but i was chomping at the bit to get this posted so it's just gonna be split up into two parts. comments and reblog are always appreciated! :) (part two here!)

summary: Seven years. It's been seven years since you broke up with Dani. Seven years since she left to go work for Tyler Owens all because you could never bring yourself to put a name on what she was to you. It's been seven years time since you've seen her. But she's here, in Oklahoma, working for the Tornado Wranglers with that little look in her eye at the sight of you in the StormPar uniform. Seven years and you know you still love her, even though you know you can't have her. It's been seven years. So how come she still looks at you like that?

warnings: car accident, tornados, minor injury, weather inaccuracies, swearing, scott i hate you, gay found family i love you

word count: 2.3k

“Yooooo! Looks like StormPar’s got a new crew!” Someone calls from across the parking lot, and the man from next to you, Robert, rolls his eyes. 

“Boone.” He mutters under his breath and you raise an eyebrow. 

“Is that some Southern insult I don’t know?” 

He shakes his head. “Boone. He’s one of the Tornado Wranglers.” 

“Which you all are to stay clear of. Fraternization of any kind is forbidden  and a clear breach of your contract. Any contact will have your position terminated.” Scott says, coming from the gas station. You swallow as Scott gives you a once over, before turning to the rest of the team. “Go on, take your last bathroom breaks before we head out there.”

You nod, crossing your arms as a tall man with a cowboy hat rounds the truck, sizing you all up. You follow the crew into the gas station, only planning to fill up your waterbottle and round the corner, running straight into someone. 

“Jesus, StormPar!” 

“Sorry!” You exclaim, stepping back as the girl bends down to pick up the snacks she dropped. Another girl rounds the corner and it feels like your heart stops beating for a moment as time slows down. 

“Lilly, you alright?” 

The girl, Lilly, dusts herself off as she stands up. “Yeah, ‘m fine Dani. Are you sure Boone asked for all of this?”

“You’ve changed.” Dani says, eyes roaming over your figure. 

“You haven’t.” You respond, swallowing around the lump in your throat. 

It’s true. It’s been almost seven years since you’ve seen Dani at this point and yet it feels like yesterday with the way she hasn’t changed. A mischievous twinkle in her eye, the short hair, cowboy hat. Even her sense of style hasn’t changed as she gives you a once-over. 

“The two of you know each other?” Lilly asks, a finger wandering between the two of you. 

Dani shrugs. “We used to.” 

“Lil, Dan, T says we’re rolling out.” Boone says, opening the front door of the gas station to shout out to his friends (co-workers?). You witness several of your colleagues heads swing towards you and you step aside, letting the two girls pass you. 

“The hell was that?” Scott says, stepping in line next to you. His jaw is set as he tracks the crew out to the parking lot. 

“Nothing.” You say as Scott raises his eyebrow, the tick in his jaw growing stronger. “I knew one of them in college.” You say and Scott’s eyebrows join together. 

“You heard what I said out there, yeah? This isn’t the time for you to be chumming it up with an old friend.”

You force a tight smile. “Yeah, I heard you Scott. Don’t worry about it, we left it on pretty bad terms as it was. There’ll be no revisiting old friendships, I swear.” 

“Uh huh.” He says, clearly unconvinced. “I’ll be keeping an eye on it.” 

-

“So how do you know dear old Dani?” 

You curse under your breath as Boone shouts out at you as you walk towards your motel room. 

“Boone, the fuck I’d say about leaving it?” The blond from earlier shouts back as he adjusts stuff on the truck. 

“T, I’m just asking what we’re all wondering!” 

Your eyes track the numbers on the door as you walk, realizing your door is right where they’ve set up camp. Because of course it is. 

“You know it’s rude to ignore people StormPar.” The man says more quietly when it becomes clear you’re ignoring them. You gently excuse yourself as you walk in between an older member of their team and a blond girl, both standing by the grill they’ve got set up. 

Someone says your name and you turn, finding Javi. Relief spreads through you, shoulders dropping at the sight of him before dying as quickly as it came. 

Right, right, Javi is like public enemy number one to Scott and Riggs, after he pulled out, taking his radars and most of his team with him. 

Javi’s fiery exit was the only reason you’d found yourself in Oklahoma instead of the corporate office in Texas, because Riggs had wanted someone on site, on the ground, to do damage control to StormPar’s image in case Javi had started to run his mouth. 

Javi had been at your interview, he’d been influential in bringing you on. He’d been your friend and you feel sick as you take a step back, eyes leaving his. Javi doesn’t notice, taking another step towards you with his arms out like he’s going to hug you. You take a few more back as he asks you how you’ve been, sentence trailing off as he realizes you’re trying to get away from him. 

“I told you, all StormPar dummies are born assholes.” Lilly mutters, tapping on the tablet she’s holding as she leans on Boone, but not quietly enough for you to miss it as you try to approach your door. You wince, shoving the key into the lock, pushing on the door as it sticks. You keep fumbling with it, inevitably dropping the key as tears blur your vision. 

Javi says your name and you blink back the tears stinging at your eyes, turning. “Javi, really- I’m not trying to ignore you or anything but- I could lose my job if I get caught talking to you and I need- you know I need this money.” 

“You look like hell.” He comments, sticking his hands in his pockets as his eyes roam over you. “Scott put you guys through the wringer today, at least take a burger. I know he ain’t paying for shit.” 

“I can’t.” You say as your eyes dart around, searching for any sign of the StormPar crew. 

“Kate, would you-“ The blond girl, Kate, nods, wrapping up one of the burgers the older man had just slid off the grill. 

“Javi, I really can’t take that.” You say as he offers it out to you. 

“Just take the burger.” Another familiar voice says and your eyes find the ceiling, tracking the flickering light illuminating this side of the hallway as you will yourself to vanish. “If you’re anything like you were then, you probably don’t eat enough as it is.” 

“I don’t need your charity, Dani.” You breathe. 

“It ain’t charity.” She says, falling next to the older man. “It’s just called being nice.” 

Your eyes flicker down to the burger Javi’s still offering you before darting around the parking lot. Most of your crew was staying on the other side of the motel and Scott had driven off half an hour ago to get dinner at some diner a town over. 

You hold your hand out for the food, which Javi places gently as his concerned eyes follow you, like you might spook. You turn, setting the key back in the lock, finally clicking this time, and you stumble into the musty room. 

You drop your stuff next to the bed, heading straight toward the bathroom. The flickering light turns on overhead with a low buzz as you take yourself in. 

Javi was right, you did look like hell. 

Your hair was sticking up at all angles and it was a miracle it even appeared in some semblance of a bun. There was mud tracked down your face and shirt, all caked on to your pants too from when you’d slipped, helping Liam with the radar. There was grass in your hair, stained on the whites of your shirt and you’re pretty sure there’s hay in the back of your pants. 

As you stand under the lukewarm water, picking clumps of mud out of your hair, you let your mind wander to the girl sitting outside. Occasionally, a loud burst of laughter would erupt and you could hear it through the thin walls. 

Seven years gone and seeing her here still made your heart ache. Seven years of failed flings, of ruined first dates, and you always thought of that girl. The girl who’d stood in your shitty studio apartment and cooked for you as you’d recount your lectures from the day, who talked you through essays and term papers despite having no college education herself. The girl who had been so sure of herself it had cost you your relationship. 

She seemed happier now, as much as that feels like a dagger to your heart. She seemed more full of life, more truly settled into who she was. Those weren’t just her friends out there, they were her family, and it’s a bittersweet feeling to know she had finally found what she was looking for without you there with her. 

You groan, scrubbing a hand down your face. The blond guy, T — why did he seem so familiar to you…

-

The sound of the door slamming behind Dani echos in your dream as you shoot up with a gasp. 

Tyler Owens

You blindly reach for your phone on the nightstand, pulling yourself up as you do. 

A frantic Google search tells you everything you need to know. 

-

The early morning light peaks into the window of the diner where all the StormPar crew had been instructed to meet. You’re too engrossed into the YouTube page with a million subscribers to notice someone sliding their plate down in front of you. 

You glance up at the sound, heart fluttering as you register Dani’s presence. “Didn’t know you were a fan.” She comments and you’re quick to click off your phone, setting it aside. 

“You know, when you said you were leaving ‘cause you had found a job helping a storm chaser named Tyler Owens based out of Arkansas, I didn’t quite imagine it would be all that.” You say with a small shake of your head before taking a bite of hash browns. 

There’s a beat as Dani studies you. You let her, all too happy to soak in her attention after the drought of not having her at all. 

“You really do look different.” She comments.

You shrug. “A couple of piercings and a haircut will do a lot of things for a girl.” 

“You look more yourself.” She says softly. 

You swallow, feeling your cheeks heat as you duck your head to avoid having to answer. 

It passes though, because she keeps talking. 

“I never really expected you to end up with a crew like StormPar.” She says, leaning forward on the table. 

You shrug again. “They pay decent and I need the money.” She purses her lips, clearly dissatisfied by your answer. You glance up at her, discomfort growing at the look on her face. “What do you want me to say Dani? I was broke as fuck, my family doesn’t talk to me. I had rent to pay and I needed groceries. I needed a job.”

She raises her eyebrows. “You don’t- you don’t talk to your family anymore?” 

You huff, sliding your plate away from you as you wipe your mouth. “Seriously? That’s the part you care about?” 

The doorbell jingles and you both turn, seeing the rest of the Wranglers walk in. You’ve learned all their names by now from the two hours you’ve spent watching their channel, learned the way they lean into one another, the way they bounce off each other’s energy. Behind them, you can see Scott’s car pull into the gravel parking lot. 

You sigh, pulling some cash out and setting it on the table. “Look Dani, I gotta go.” You stand up, feeling the eyes of her friends burn into you as you do. You pause, sighing. “I’m really happy you found what you’re looking for.” You say softly, rapping your knuckles against the table before turning, pushing past Tyler and Boone. 

Javi calls out your name but it gets drowned out in the jingle of the bell as you stride towards Scott. 

-

And so the next two months go. 

You and Dani pass each other everyday, like ships in the night.

Never any acknowledgment to who you were to each other or who you had once been. 

Scott gets more controlling, as the months go on. He’s fired three people for talking to  the Wranglers crew at gas stations or diners and another two for talking to them after hours in motel parking lots. He keeps a closer and closer eye on you despite you putting more distance between you and Dani. He’s practically breathing down your neck. 

With every storm that wrecks another town, Scott gets more tense and every failed scan riles him up. The scary vein in his neck pops out more often and every chase gets more terrifying, Scott pushing the limits every time. 

You know he’s pushing boundaries he shouldn’t, catching the way Javi had shouted at him after your last chase in the motel parking lot. Javi had made a huge scene, Kate and Boone having to pull Javi back as he shouted that Scott was going to get his whole team killed. 

Will it be worth it to Riggs then? When his entire team is a just another casualty number? Will it be worth it to him when his entire team becomes just another headline?

A shiver goes down your spine at the memory and Will, one of the new kids on the crew, looks at you. “You alright?” 

You give him a brief smile. “Yeah, fine. You’re gonna take a right up here.” 

Will, fresh from his first year of grad school and only here to complete a summer internship, adjusts his hands on the wheel nervously. “Are you sure this is a good idea? Scott seems unstable.” 

“I can hear you.” Scott’s voice crackles through the radio. 

“Well, you are.” James comments from the other vehicle. 

“Get to work, the lot of you.” Scott yells through the radio and Will flinches. You’ll be okay, you mouth to the kid and he nods uncertainly before pressing down on the gas. 

The rain starts a few moments later, appearing in a sudden torrential downpour, the wind whipping around you. 

“Oh fuck.” You whisper, craning your neck. “I think we’re in the path of the tornado.” 

And then everything goes black.

-

i love you, i'm sorry

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Cowboy!reader Masterlist

Because apparently y’all love this lol (see- see what I did there? Y’all)

I'm trying to put these in a rough order as I go in the fic universe to try and make it easier to read aha

Edith

Description: cowboy has an elderly neighbour (this is literally just cowboy and his neighbour, in my head set before he joins the BAU) Warnings: none

Interestin'

Description: Cowboy reader is new to the team and is feeling unheard. Warnings: bad government knowledge on Atlas' part, I did try to google it but idk guys, trying my best here. Oh, also, stress eating.

I Understand

Description: directly follows from 'interestin'', cowboy reader talks down a teenage unsub. Warnings: guns, hostage negotiations, untrusting team

Lies

Description: Directly follows 'I Understand', Hotch accuses cowboy reader of lying to the teen unsub. Warnings:

The Post That Started It All

Description: Warnings: gunshot wound.

Baking and House Plants

Description: Warnings: briefly mentions anxiety.

Poetry

Description: Cowboy and Spencer talk about reading Warnings: the only thing I can think of is that reader suggests to spencer to read the warnings of a book reader likes

Allergies (Not Really)

Description: Warnings: transphobia, sad reader, guns, bullet wound, fighting, briefly mentions some murders to set the scene a bit, someone calls reader a redneck.

More (Not) Allergies

Description: Allergies (Not Really) Part 2 Warnings: minor sad reader.

Flirting, reckless driving, I didn't mean to hit you I promise

Description: Warnings: minor car accident, unsub is not a nice man, brief mentions of killings/murders.

Stronger Coffee

Description: an cop says a few offhand comments about Derek and you don't take no shit. Warnings: hints to racism (nothing 'on screen'), blood

Mama's Boy

Description: (Follow up from Flirting, reckless driving, I didn't mean to hit you I promise) Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and kidnapping (super brief), a man tries to intimidate a woman, that’s about it. Oh, some swearing. 

Pretty As A picture

Description: Warnings: a shelter?

Gay Panic

Description: Warnings: gay panic, some unsavoury thoughts - like one

Gay Panic Part 2

Description: Cowboy gets hit on Warnings: None

Darla

Description: Cowboy is in love... Warnings: n/a

Tattoos

Description: the team sees cowboy's tattoos Warnings: n/a

Mermaids and Unicorns

Description: A kid sees his first real life cowboy Warnings: n/a

Protector

Description: a guy hits on JJ at a bar and cowboy reader is not happy about it. Set before they confess their feelings, they're still "friends" here. Warning: unwanted touching (arm around the shoulder), and guy tries to kiss JJ (when she doesn't want it)

Sleepover

Description: JJ thinks cowboy looks huggable. Warnings: none

Sunflower Seeds

Description: Warnings: Death, sadness, abuse, bad foster parents, death of a child, murderous foster parents. Word count: 2403

Quit

Description: Warnings: Smoking, addiction (smoking)

The Art of Actually Quitting

Description: JJ helps cowboy tackle his smoking addiction. Warnings: Addiction, reader snaps

I'm Sorry, I Promise, Have Some Flowers

Description: Warnings:

My Bio Daddy

Description: Not sexy times I swear. Cowboy reader's father visits, things don't go too well... Warnings: abuse, abusive parents, abduction, claustrophobia, judgy nurse, hospital visits, child abuse mentions

Farmers Tan

Description: just a little snippet of cowboy reader and the team really Warnings: n/a

Southern Belle Ex

Description: the BAU run into an old friend of cowboy reader while near his home town Warning: jealousy, mentions past smoking addiction, that's about it

Home

Description: Being close to home, the team finally get to meet reader's family. Things start out great and then... Not so much. Reader makes sure his younger brother knows that despite what their parents have said, he's still there for them. Warning: homophobia, someone nearly says the f-slur twice (they don't say the whole thing, reader puts them in their place), mentions of going to conversion therapy, pro-conversion therapy views, being kicked out because of sexuality, unaccepting parents, unaccepting sibling (Jason's a bit of a dick and I stand by that). I think that's everything.

Outlaws

Description: Cowboy reader babysits Jack Warnings: None

I was worried

Description: Warnings: Blood, guns, gun shot wound, passing out, hospitals, some swear words

Sleepless

Description: cowboy reader can't sleep :( Warnings: can't sleep (idk if it's insomnia tho), very tired reader, I think that's all

Birthday

Description: Warnings: implications of claustrophobia, it's his first birthday party so he's a bit overwhelmed bless him (I say over a fully grown man)

Sick

Description: cowboy reader gets sick and makes some confessions. And it's what everyone's been waiting for Warnings: illness, mentions throwing up (no actual throwing up), cold/flu, mentions high temperature, reader feels rough, yeah

Dates

Description: Warnings:

Crazy Ex Girlfriend

Description: Dana, an old 'friend' of reader turns up at his work place and decides to make a scene. Warnings: reader gets slapped, crazy ex girlfriend, she insults JJ, she calls her a sl^t and wh0re, she also tells reader to 'burn in h3ll'

Rain and Thunder

Description: It's raining, and reader can't help but feel connected with the earth. Ever the romantic, this particular type of weather leads to more discussions of feelings. Takes place quite some time after 'Sick' and 'Dates' but you guys dont know about dates yet. I've not written it yet but it happens before this. Warnings: rain, thunder, lightning, that's it this one is happy feelings, bit cliche but ya know I enjoyed writing it aha

TikTok

Description: Cowboy reader tries tiktok Warnings: None

Guitar

Description: Cowboy reader shows JJ his secret talent (sfw don't worry) Warnings: hints to kissing? That's literally it, oh and some bad language at the end.

(No) Self-Preservation

Description: scar reveal. Warnings: scars, abusive backstory.

Promise

Description: JJ and Cowboy hit a rough patch, the song is promise by Laufey (just in case you can't see it, Tumblr's being annoying for me) Warnings: sadness :'), smoking

Like A ______

Description: Warnings:

Save A Horse

Description: Warnings:

Allergy Reunion

Description: Mia and reader reunite, chaos ensues. Warnings: gun shots, unsubs go to the school, guns, schools targeted, criminal minds levels of violence (maybe even on the slightly tamer side).

All For Nothing (Part 1)

Description: Cowboy doesn't make it in time... Warnings: Death, death of children and a parent, shock, blood, mentions of a shelter/homelessness

taglist under the cut

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17

@xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17 @pinxeajin

I might have missed some people out - I'm very sorry if I have, also please let me know either in my inbox, on here, or message if you wanna be added to the taglist :)

[thestrangestthing89]

I feel like for the most part, the show has done a great job showing what life was like in the 80s but that doesn't mean they aren't allowed to take artistic license with some things. It's not a documentary but a fictional show being written in 2023. They are allowed to add a more modern approach to certain things since that's where the audience is coming from.

I think the main message of the show is supposed to be about found family and overcoming adversity. The bullies always lose, and not only that, the bullies aren't ever part of the main cast. Billy was there for two seasons and was the bad guy and he dies. The middle school bullies lose. Steve was a bully in Season 1 and reformed and is likable now. Jason dies.

All of the main characters are outcasts in some way and find support with each other. I don't think this is unrealistic. People who don't fit in tend to band together. But I also don't think it's a problem if people who would have normally been homophobic IRL aren't shown to be on this show. A cop in real life would have likely been homophobic, but that doesn't mean they are required to show Hopper as that. He already knows Will is gay because Joyce told him in the first episode. His "is he?" comment in response to this was not judgmental, he was looking for clarification. He's gone out of his way to help Will. He could have ignored that he went missing and no one during this time would have questioned it. But that didn't happen. He's consistently show as someone who doesn't do things in the conventional way (a major theme of the show). This show likes to invert tropes and not having Hopper be depicted as the cowboy someone like him frequently is shown as, isn't a bad thing. It's keeping in line with the themes of the story. He's messier than this and he frequently questions and works against authority/institutions to protect his family.

Same thing goes for the Wheelers. They are shown to slowly start questioning their conventional upbringing even though they have a Reagan sign on the lawn. Karen almost has an affair and isn't happy in her marriage. She is also shown to emotionally support her kids. She isn't going to suddenly start shouting homophobic things at Mike because she mentioned Margaret Thatcher's name one time in a vague conversation. They are allowed to show the complexities of human behavior. Even Ted starts to question the media propaganda at the end of the season. He's realizing that the normal explanations aren't holding up. It doesn't matter if this would or wouldn't have happened IRL. It's a story. And showing them questioning convention falls in line with the themes of the story they have been telling from the beginning.

I think the Reagan sign is there to show what kind of town Hawkins is and how the Wheelers fit into that. But when the whole town starts hunting Hellfire Club we can plainly see that the parents are not on board with this and are worried about their kids. They are questioning the mindset of the town. They are questioning the conventional ideals they were taught. They think separately from the masses because the masses are hurting their kids.

The bullies have consistently worked against the main characters. The whole point is that they work together as a team to overcome their problems. I think Season 4 was meant to be a set up for what's to come for Mike and Will next season (and obviously for the rest of the characters too but specifically with regard to homophobia). It's showing how these characters are outsiders in their own town, but not within their group. Like it always has. It has consistently done this since the beginning. This isn't working against the 80s backdrop in any way. They are using familiar themes from 80s movies and giving them a modern twist. They aren't trying to write another 80s movie as if we still live in that time.

[jazzthatonewriterchick]

Hit ‘Em Up! (18+ Fic)

Pairing: Cowboy!Gojo Satoru x Cowboy!Geto Suguru x Black!Cowgirl!Reader (Slow Burn/Enemies to Lovers)

Synopsis: You get to meet Geto & Gojo the Gunslingers, the notorious outlaws that have every town and law enforcement in a twist, when your bum-ass BF offers you as payment to avoid going to prison. Little do they know that this is only a part of your plan to get what you desire. But when you realize that the infamous gun-slinging, smooth-talking cowboys could be everything you want and more when they offer you a deal to team up with them, will you successfully be able to go through with it? 

Warnings: Smutty Smut; 18+ (MINOS GTFO); poly!SatouSugu; Reader is Black & Fem; Mention of other JJK characters; Porn with Plot; Tragic Backstories; T/W for Childhood Trauma, Parental Death, Violence, Panic Attacks & Torture; Angst/Hurt/Comfort; Hand Kink; Masturbation; Voyeurism; Gay Sex; Polyamorous; Double Deepthroat; Mutual Oral; Fingering; CMNF; Spitroast; Riding; Unprotected PiV Sex; Creampies; Outside/Public Sex; Shotgunning; Multiple Positions; Spit Kink; Facials; MDom/fsub Undertones; Aftercare

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters mentioned in this fic. However, as this is my writing, I do not give permission for my work to be reposted on any other sites that are not from my own accounts. Thank you!

Writer's Note: This one is LONG. A lot of action and fighting n shit like that lol. Also, trigger warning for the reader because she has a panic attack later in the chapter. Enjoy!! -Jazz

Chapters: One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. Fifteen PT I & PT II. Sixteen. Seventeen. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty. Epilogue. Soundtrack.

********

SEVEN: HIT ‘EM UP!

You arrive in the tiny, dusty, damn-near abandoned town of Bull’s Creek by the next morning. 

You three didn’t stop for a night of rest, only taking breaks to feed the horses and let them rest their hooves before continuing on your journey. Most of what you do is on Reneigh’s back: brushing your teeth; eating your snacks; power naps. You now feel sweaty and tired, but not exhausted, only happy to finally be at your destination. 

Bull’s Creek is as depressing as it is quiet. Nothing moves but a tumbleweed that noisily rolls across the dusty road among the disturbingly quiet shops and boutiques that you’re sure once were brimming with life and vibrancy, but are now dingy and sad-looking. “Beauty, ain’t it?” Gojo sniggers as he and his horse totter beside you. 

“Where is everybody?” you question, feeling eerily uncomfortable with the silence. You half expect to be ambushed because of it. “Most of ‘em moved because of Benji’s crew members takin’ over,” Geto explains. “Sad. Most of the civilians had been here for years, but couldn’t take the terror anymore.” 

“Buuut,” Gojo interrupts with a grin, “lucky for the ones who stayed, we’re here! And we’ll make sure we send the baddies on their way.” You continue to look around for someone, anyone, in this ghost town. “So how are we supposed to find these guys?” you ask. “Just ask around?” 

“Exactly that, little miss,” Geto chuckles, suddenly coming to a stop in front of you. “And we’ve found just the spot.” You and Gojo stop your horses in front of a small saloon where you can just hear the sound of music and chatter. Gojo hops off of his horse first and goes to help you down, but you ignore him, choosing to get down yourself. 

You walk by, ignoring Gojo’s pout, and look up at the bar’s sign coated in dust: “Bull’s Bar,” you read, hearing Gojo giggle.

“That’s so original,” he comments as he pats the holster carrying Hollow Purple. He goes in without even waiting for you or Geto, but his partner doesn’t seem to mind. “The woman who wrote us asked us to meet her here in her letter,” he explains as he walks you inside. “So she should be…” 

His words die when he opens the wooden doors and lets them swing shut. The sound of them creaking is the only sound among the silence in the bar. The bar is small with tables covered in cowskin, bullheads mounted behind the bar, and every eye in the place on you, Geto, and Gojo, including the piano player in the corner. 

It’s beyond uncomfortable and you feel your face prickle with nervous sweat beneath your bandana. But Gojo and Geto are immune to discomfort as they confidently walk towards the bar. “Rough crowd,” Geto mutters under his breath. You nod in agreement, keeping a close hand on your hip. 

The bartender watches you come to the bar and sit, slowly wiping off a glass. He is tall and burly with unruly, spiked brown hair and a lollipop sticking out of his mouth. “So what’s a guy gotta do to get a drink around here, mister?” Gojo kindly asks. 

The bartender doesn’t say anything at first; just continues to stare you all down. The music hasn’t resumed yet and that makes this moment even more tense. “Kusakabe,” he says, his voice smooth and rough. “What will y’all have?” 

Gojo’s smile widens, pleased. “Jack n’ Coke for me and my partner; Sherly Temple for the lady.” You shoot him a look that could kill. “All Jack n’ Cokes, please,” Geto sighs, passing Kusakabe a couple of coins. He takes them and nods, still giving you a suspicious look that has your skin crawling. 

“U-Uh…excuse me?” a small, feminine voice asks behind you. You turn, finding a young, petite girl with long, sky-blue hair cut into a bang standing there, looking nervous. “You’re Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru, right?”

The duo turns to face her now, making her face go beat red. “That, we are, ma’am,” Geto says, tipping his hat at her. “And you’re Miwa, I’m presumin’?” 

The girl damn near pops a blood vessel. “T-That’s correct, yes!” she stuttering replies.

Another young girl with two blonde ponytails comes up beside her. “You ain’t ask ‘em to sign your book, Miwa?” she snorts. “That’s all you’ve been talkin’ about since we showed up here.” Miwa gapes at the girl, mortified. “Momo!” she shrieks. “That was private!” 

“Miwa!” a male voice calls suddenly from across the room. A young man comes hurrying up to the two girls, tall and handsome with a spiked, black ponytail and a scar on his right cheek. “Are you alright? Who are they?” He ticks his eyes between you three suspiciously.

“Mechamaru, it’s okay,” Miwa soothes him, gently stroking his arm. “They’re here to help us.” 

“Friends of yours?” Gojo chuckles, not at all phased by this. Mecamaru glares at him. “I’m her boyfriend, actually,” he sharply corrects the gunslinger. Miwa nods at Momo who barely even smiles. “This is Momo. She’s a Bull’s Creek native, just like me. She told me not to write you guys!” 

Momo narrows her eyes at her friend. “Way to throw me under the bus,” she huffs. “It was only because I didn’t want more trouble comin’ into this town!” Geto nods understandably. “We ain’t here for trouble, little miss…well, not the kind that’ll get y’all killed. We just want the four we came here for.” 

“And who would that be?” Kusakabe asks suspiciously. “Who the fuck are y’all to come into my place of business askin’ around like y’all own the damn place?” You go to put your hand on your glock, but Gojo stops you, shaking his head at you. 

“We don’t mean no harm,” Geto gently says, “but we’ve got business in this town and with her.” He nods at Miwa. “She wrote a letter to us askin’ for help to save you from the four takin’ over this town.” 

The three younglings share a wary look with each other. “Don’t say their names,” Mechamaru warns. “They’ve got a tight hold on this town already. Last I heard about them is that they’re livin’ up in the mountains beyond the creek among the riches they snatched from the town.” 

“We’ll take you to them!” Momo excitedly announces. But Mechamaru shakes his head. “No,” he firmly says. “You two are stayin’ right here. I’ll take them.” While Momo tuts in disappointment, Miwa looks damn starstruck by her boo. 

Gojo gulps down his drink, finishing it off with a burp. “Fine with us, just as long as we get to where we need to. But before that…” He takes an ink pen from his pocket, smiling at Miwa. “Who wanted an autograph?” 

But before Miwa, who has now turned red, can hand over her book, Kusakabe stops her. “Hang on.” He leans over the bar toward the three of you, his eyes deadly and intimidating. “You get them and then you get the fuck out of my town. We don’t need no more trouble here.” 

With a silent nod, you three agree and Mechamaru guides you into the mountains.

*********

The creek is quiet when you make it up the hill. 

Too quiet. Though the soft sloshing of the water should be comforting, it’s damn disarming to you as you walk with the duo and Mechamaru along the creek yards away from Bull’s Creek (funny enough). The air is sweet, the sky is blue, and you know danger lurks. 

You finally come to a shabby-looking house up on a grassy hill yards down from you four. The roof is missing some tiles, one wall is caging in, and it looks abandoned.

“They should be in there,” Mechamaru says, pointing at the house. “They stay there because there are trails in the woods to escape through if the law ever happened to sniff ‘em out. But they haven’t for months because so many people are too scared to speak up for fear of being killed.” 

The young man stares you all down as you silently examine the home. “You gonna get them out of here?” he asks, hope in his eyes. The duo doesn’t answer, so you do, putting a hand on the young man’s shoulder. “Thank you, Mechamaru,” you gently say. “We’ll take it from here.” ‘Yes, we’ll get them out of here for you.’ 

Mechamaru seems to be happy with your words. Meanwhile, Geto is stringing up the horses to a nearby post while Gojo spits his cigarette out of his mouth and crushes it under his heel. This is just ordinary work for them. “Go on back to your girl,” the white-haired outlaw says with a wink. “She’s a cutie.” 

Mechamaru narrows his eyes, but doesn’t say anything back. Instead, he backpedals and hurries back the way he came towards town. Once gone, you follow the duo up the hill to the small house, the grassblades tickling your ankles as you move. Finally, you come to the wooden front door padlocked shut. “So how are we doin’ this?” you ask. “Do we just bust in there and–” 

You’re rudely cut off by Gojo’s foot smashing into the padlock, forcing it open. The door opens with a long creaking sound like in a horror film.

The way this house looks feels like a horror film too: stained, old furniture in the living area; dishes in the kitchen sink and rotten food on the counter down the long hallway leading to the back door; ripped curtains covering the stained windows, making the entire downstairs dark and dreary. The smell in the air is rotten and rancid like something died. You cover your mouth despite the bandana covering your lower face. 

As you creep inside with the duo, your hand on your holster, your eyes shift from left to right, top to bottom. You look for a shadow; some slight movement from around a corner or behind something. The floorboards ominously creek under your boots, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “There’s no one here,” you whisper. 

While Gojo stays behind, Geto walks ahead of you towards the circle of furniture, his gun hanging from his hand. He places a hand on one of the leather armchairs and shakes his head. “No,” he protests. “There is. Feel the chair.” You carefully walk over and place a hand on the seat, your hear thumping wildly. “It’s warm,” you gasp. “Someone is–” 

“Y/N, look out!” Geto shouts from behind you, but it’s too late. Your words are cut off when you suddenly feel something snatching you by the ankle, causing you to fall onto your back. The noose tightens and begins to pull you throughout the house on your back despite your screams. You try to grab the knife in your pocket, but you can’t. You’re moving too fast. 

Finally, you stop and are suddenly facing two men with very bad intentions in their eyes. One of them is nothing short of a pretty boy: beautiful bone structure in his face with high cheekbones, dimples, blue eyes, and a Colgate smile. If it wasn’t for the gun in your face, you’d think he was a model. This is ‘Angelface’.

“Well, well, look what we’ve got here, Zankoku: the prettiest little trespassor we’ve gotten.” He smirks at his partner. “What do you reckon we should do with her?” 

His partner, Zankoku, looks like he’s all types of crazy: unruly curls that fall in his face; a bumpy nose like he was punched too many times in his lifetime; a scar running from his left ear down to the corner of his mouth; wide, wild eyes that frighten you more than the gun pressing against your noggin.

“I’ve got one idea that would make her sorry,” he growls, his voice like jagged glass to you. “Do you know what we do to trespassin’ bitches like you?” Angelface shakes his head at Zankoku. “Now, now, that’s no way to talk to a lady!” he mockingly tuts. 

“Y/N!” Geto shouts from beyond. You manage to twist around to look behind you and find the duo running to save you. However, they are stopped by a woman who pops up from under the staircase, pointing a gun at Geto’s head and a man jumping out from behind a wall to pull Gojo back and put a knife at his throat. 

The only woman in this crew, Makima, is tall and slender with long red hair and cold eyes. “Don’t move,” she warns. “You move and either I put this bullet in you or Arata puts that knife in your partner’s throat.” Arata is mute as you’ve been told, his tongue cut out long ago. But what he lacks in words he makes up for with his knives that are as long as his hair that cascades down to his hips. 

“Or we fuck up this cutie’s face,” Angelface growls, pushing the gun into your cheek. “Never thought I’d meet the famous Fatale Femme in the flesh.” He uses the barrel to pull your bandana down, revealing your nose and mouth to him. “And see her gorgeous face,” he cackles. “You’re almost prettier than me.” You could spit at him. 

“You motherfuckers got a lot of nerve comin’ here,” Zankoku snarls. “First you leave like y’all are better than us and then you start workin’ for the fuck ass law?” 

Gojo smiles despite nearly grazing the knife at his neck. “Good to see you again too, Zankoku,” he titters. “I guess this is our welcome wagon?” Makima rolls her eyes, annoyed. “God, you always talked too much,” she huffs. “I should put some lead in that throat right now just to shut you up.” 

She cocks her gun, moving it away to point at Gojo while she slips another out of her holster and points it at Geto. The entire room has turned into a warzone. One wrong step and you’re dead. “Listen,” Geto says, raising his voice. “We don’t want no trouble.” 

“Oh, shut up!” Makima spits. “Why else would y’all be here? You’re obviously here to wrangle us up like cattle and bring us into the sheriff.” 

“Y’all tryna get in a good place with the law?” Angelface scoffs, grinning at the gunslingers. “Tryin’ to become good guys ‘cause prison scared y’all? So sad to see what happened with that train.” You can almost feel the rage radiating off of Geto and Gojo in waves. “We don’t want to put y’all in prison,” Geto says, his voice roiling with simmering anger. “We just want information on Benji. We need to find him.” 

The bandit crew share a brief look. “Why would we tell you?” Angelface scoffs, eyes narrowed. “We don’t know where he is anyway. We were in Cherrywood before he fucked outta town months ago. We haven’t seen him since.” As soon as he says it, his partners look at him like he just sealed their fate. And he did. 

“You dumbass!” Makima hisses. The gears in your head are turning and you share a look with Geto and Gojo. “Benji was in Cherrywood?” you ask, finally speaking. “When? Why?”

But the cold barrels of the guns pressing into your head and chin stop you. “Enough,” Makima growls. “We don’t have to tell you fuck shit. Now hold still so we don’t fuck up our home.” 

She points her guns at Geto while Arata pushes the knife further into Gojo’s throat. You stare at the guns in your face, shaking. “Sorry we couldn’t have any fun, darlin,” Angelface sighs. “You’ll make the most beautiful corpse though.” Staring into the barrels is like staring into death and suddenly, you see a flash of your mother’s face. 

You don’t think. You just do. Quickly, you wedge your hand under your ass and pull a knife out. In a flash, you stick the knife into Angelface’s side, making him scream in pain. Immediately, Makima shoots but Geto ducks and swings his leg to trip her. Gojo elbows Arata in the face and rolls away just as Arata cups his nose to stop the blood flow. Makima, who fell, quickly rises and pulls the trigger on both guns. 

Bullets immediately start flying from Zankoku and Makima aimed for Geto and Gojo who you’re sure are hiding. You have no time to see where though, too focused on your attacker. Angelface staggers back and drops the gun, holding his wounded side. “You fuckin’ bitch!” he bellows. “You’ll pay for that! Kill her, Zankoku!” 

Zankoku is momentarily distracted, too busy popping shells. You take that loophole to cut yourself free with the bloody knife and kick him in the back. He staggers, but not enough. He turns around, baring his dirty teeth at you. “You,” he growls and raises his gun. He suddenly falls onto his knees, revealing Gojo standing behind him with a gun that whacked him in the back of the head. 

A bullet zooms over his head and Gojo quickly covers you. “Over here!” he yells as he drags you into the kitchen as quickly as possible. Geto quickly crawls in behind you and rips the table up to turn it over to serve as a shield from the bullets. Gojo pulls you behind the overturned table. You sit there, the three of you, as bullets whiz past you, breaking windows and putting holes in the walls. “She’s still shooting!” you announce among the flying bullets. “This bitch is crazy!” 

Geto busies himself firing back at Makima from behind the table while Gojo points at the back door. “You go out there,” he tells you. “We’ll take care of her in here.” He slides his gun out of his holster and cocks it. “Just wait for us with the horses,” he whispers. “We’ll find you.” So you go, hurrying over to the backdoor as fast as you can on your hands and knees. 

You turn for a second to see Arata stabbing through the table right above Gojo’s head. You itch to help him and Geto both, but you know they’d tell you to get out and save yourself. So you keep going. When you finally make it, you shove the door open with your shoulder and roll out into the open, landing on your back in some grass. Quickly, you look up, squinting in the sun. 

The backyard is nothing but an empty pig pen and a stretch of forest. Down below the slope of the hill the house is on is the creek and beyond that, your horses. On wobbly legs, you get up and try to run, but two arms wrapping around you stop you. One tightens around your midsection while the other wraps around your neck, nearly choking you.

“Hel–!” Your scream is cut off by a choke as you struggle to breathe with the arms squeezing you tight than a vice. 

“Gotcha,” Zankoku chuckles. “Stupid bitch, thinkin’ you could run from me…but I’m not goin’ to prison. So I’ll let nature take ya.” He begins to walk with you as you struggle helplessly in his arms, not even able to reach your weapons. 

When you realize where he’s taking you, it’s too late: you’re suddenly being dangled over the side of the rushing water of the creek. Without a warning, Zankoku drops you in. 

Your body plunges into the icy depths of the water, shocking you to the core. You immediately swim to the surface and gulp down the air. The waves are rough and wild, splashing you repeatedly in the face as you struggle to reach for a rock, a tree branch, anything to stop you from going downstream.

Zankoku stands at the bank and pats his knee once. A horse comes running from out of the forest, stopping at his feet and allowing him to climb on. “Have fun with the fishes, bitch!” he cackles before galloping off on his horse upstream. 

“Wait!” you scream, so loud that your throat goes raw. You watch helplessly as Zankoku disappears, growing smaller the farther the water takes you. You try to pedal to stay afloat, but the current is too rough and the water too deep. You can’t feel the bottom. “Gojo!” you wail out. “Geto, help!” 

All that answers you is the water flooding your ears and mouth, salty and overbearing. All of your senses are taken over by it as the current swallows you up. Tears of desperation begin to slip down your cheeks, sobs leaving your mouth. You once again feel alone. Abandoned. Just like all those years ago. And you’re tired. So, so tired. 

Finally giving in to the creek and the ache in your muscles, you let the current take you and find yourself going beneath the ice-cold, salty depths of water. But you don’t sink. Just as quickly as you went under, you’re suddenly pulled back up by some invisible force yanking on your arm. You look up into the sun’s rays, wondering if it’s God. 

But when you turn to look, you realize that it’s Geto. He is hanging off the side of the bank, boots and pants muddy, grunting as he struggles to pull you out. He finally slips in and yanks you to his body, both of you floating in the water together. “Keep your eyes open, Y/N!” he yells among the rush. “Geto,” you try to say, but your voice is so weak that it gets carried away by the water. 

Geto swims to the side of the creek with one arm and quickly grabs an upturned tree root to pull you both up and out of the water. “I’ve gotcha,” he huffs, dragging you into the mud once he’s on the surface. He then pulls you into the grass and finally releases you. 

When he does, the shakes start. And the shivers. Your body convulses as if it’s back in the water and not in the warm sun on dry land. You can’t stop. It’s as if your body has kicked itself into fight or flight. Your fingers tremble and your heart pounds, causing your breath to become labored. “Y/N?” Geto questions. You don’t see him. All you see is the blue sky above you. 

“C-C-C…” You don’t know what you’re trying to say. You don’t know what’s wrong with you. Geto’s handsome face appears above you and his expression softens when he realizes what’s happening. “Y/N, you’re havin’ a panic attack,” he says.

He slowly picks you up and places his hands on your forearms. “Breathe,” he demands, his voice and eyes firm. “I need you to breathe, Y/N, okay?”

You shake your head, still trembling like a leaf. “I-I can’t,” you gasp. “C-Can’t…” It’s a struggle to form a coherent sentence. Your brain can’t keep up, sending warning signals to your body when there isn’t even any danger anymore. 

“Look at me, darlin’,” Geto coos. His big, calloused hands hold your cheeks, willing you to look at him. “Watch me, okay?”

You do, hypnotized by his warm, soulful eyes. “Do what I do, slowly,” he instructs. “In.” His chest expands. “And out.” His chest falls. He does it again and you mirror to the best of your ability. It’s shaky and choppy at first, but soon, your breathing is less labored. 

Then your heartbeat slows and your body relaxes in his touch. All the while, he is gentle and patient. “That’s it,” he says, nodding. “It’s alright now. I’ve got you now.” And you believe it. You believe that you are safe. How the fuck did he do that? 

A whistle pierces the air from down below the hill. You look to see Gojo jogging uphill with the horses. His smile fades when he sees you and Geto, soaking wet and coated in mud. “What happened?” he demands. Quickly, you stand without Geto’s help and wipe at your snotty nose. “It’s not important,” you sniffle. “Did you get her?” 

Though Gojo still looks concerned, he doesn’t push it. “We got them,” he corrects you. “Angelface is knocked out cold ‘cause of blood loss thanks to your knife, but the other three are conscience so we should be able to talk ‘em.” You sigh, relived. 

You hop on your horses and ride back up to the house where, sure enough, the four bandits are bound tight in a rope tied to the pig pen, back to back. Angelface is slumped over, his side stained in blood. Meanwhile, his partners look downright scared, no longer having their weapons to help them. 

You and the duo stomp over to them, relishing the way they shiver at the sight of you. “Please don’t kill us,” Makima whimpers. Geto kneels before her, his expression like steel. “Then tell us what we want to know: Benji the Bandit. Where is he?” 

Gojo kneels beside his partner and pulls down his blindfold to reveal his piercing, blue eyes. It’s enough to make the bandits cowar. No weapons or force needed. It makes you wonder just what the duo did to them while you were in that creek. “The last time we saw him was in Cherrywood,” Zankoku admits. “He was conspirin’ with the outlaw Valentine to rob a train.” 

“Valentine?” you gasp. “He works for Benji?” You look at Geto and Gojo as the realization hits you. Could it be that Benji was behind that train massacre? Could it be that he framed his two former employees?

“After the train massacre, Benji cut us some money and said he was headin’ to Sage County to hide out,” Makima adds. “That’s all we know, we swear!” 

Gojo smiles, happy with this turnout. “Thank you for your participation,” he sweetly says as he stands up. He reties his blindfold before letting out a whistle that echos across the land. 

You hear the sound of horse hooves and thudding footsteps, each sound mingling into one loud heartbeat. You turn, findinding law enforcement and other townsmen following close behind running out of the brush of trees and nature towards you. Among them is Kusakabe sporting a golden star on his shirt as the sheriff of Bull’s Creek (who also so happens to be a bartender). 

“They’re all yours, fellas!” Gojo yells, moving away so Kusakabe and his posse can swarm the bandits like flies. Other townspeople follow shortly after and with them, they bring rewards for you and the gunslinging duo: money; food and spices for cooking; whiskey and ale; and more importantly, thanks. 

Despite your reputation and appearance, the people stare you in your face and pour their hearts out to you. They shower you with gratitude, give you warm smiles, and shake your hand. It is overwhelming, but at the same time, it makes you feel good. It gives you a better feeling than how you feel after smoking a gunslinger and taking off down the road: cold and vengeful. Now, to see the very people you’ve helped with your own eyes, it makes you rethink your career path. 

Nearly an hour later after collecting your rewards and goods to place in a sack for the road, Gojo comes up to you with a big, fluffy towel while Geto chats with some of the victims. “Gotcha somethin’,” he says, wrapping you up in the fluffy thing. 

You don’t look into his eyes, still feeling weird from earlier. Once you’re wrapped up tight, he gives you space and chomps down on a sugar cookie given to him by a sweet old lady earlier as her thanks. “So where to now?” you ask, glancing at him. He just smirks at you. 

Sage County it is, then. 

**********

The night is still and so is the steely, cold, unforgiving prison cell Valentine sleeps in that night. 

He’s been in the Black Water County prison for days now, eating their terrible food and facing terrible mistreatment at the hands of the guards. He is housed in a private cell, isolated from other prisoners.

Being a wanted criminal outlaw means that you have many enemies, so the sheriff thought it was best to keep Valentine isolated to avoid Valentine being attacked….not because he cares, but because he wants Valentine alive for his trial. 

Valentine hasn’t tried to escape, waiting for the right time to do so. He has decided to lay low for now and play nice, keeping to himself and doing what the guards tell him to do. Meanwhile, in his head, he fantasizes about the moment he can put some bullets in those damn gunslingers and wrap his hands around your lying, backstabbing throat. 

Right now, as he lies asleep on his pad, he can almost see your face turning purple as he wrings your neck. He can almost feel the way your hands claw pathetically at his, your body slowly going limp like a rag doll as he– 

Clang. 

Valentine immediately opens his eyes and sits up in his cell, looking towards the strange sound of metal banging against something solid. He squints into the dark hallway outside of his barred cell door. “H-Hello?” he stutteringly whispers in the darkness. “Is someone there?” 

There isn’t an answer for a while, making him feel as if he imagined it. But then he hears footsteps and the young guard usually posted at his cell appears, staggering slightly as he does so. In his hand, he carries a tray of sloppy Joe and beer, possibly for himself, but Valentine makes a joke anyway.

“What’s that?” he scoffs. “You finally bringin’ me some decent dinner, boy? Do you even know what time of night it is?!” The young guard doesn’t answer. Instead, he teeters forward and falls onto his face like a tree that was just axed, falling at Valentine’s feet. 

“Shit!” Valentine gasps, jumping and backing up against the cold cell wall. The food and beer spill along the floor, just like the blood pooling from the back wound the guard is sporting. That’s when he sees it: the knife in the guard’s back. 

More footsteps follow and Valentine shakily looks up at the shadow figure entering the hallway, dressed in black clothes with a bandana covering his mouth. As he gets closer, Valentine cowares against the wall, shivering. “W-What did you–” 

“Shh!” the stranger shushes him. He bends down near the guard’s body and takes off his black glove. There, Valentine recognizes the black rose tattoo on his knuckles. The flower of death. Benji the Bandit’s signature symbol. “The boss sent me here to get you outta here,” he whispers. He begins to dig into the guard’s back pocket and retrieves a ring of keys which he uses to unlock Valentine’s cell. 

The door opens with a click and the stranger slides it open, narrowing his eyes at the outlaw. “If you don’t wanna spend the rest of your sorry-ass life in here, follow me and keep quiet.” It doesn’t take Valentine long to make up his mind. He would take anything over wearing an ugly black and white jumpsuit and eating God-awful slop. 

Quietly, he follows close behind the stranger down the hallway and around a corner between two other wards of cells. Commotion begins to arise from each ward, prisoners awakening and realizing that someone is escaping. The stranger bends down to move a tile from the floor out of its place, revealing a deep hole that must have taken days to dig. “Down here!” he hisses before ducking down into the manmade hole. 

The prisoners begin to knock against their cell doors and walls, yelling and hollering. Quickly, Valentine gets down onto his stomach and slides himself down into the tight, dark hole.

He has never escaped in this manner before and he can’t see why any criminal does it. It’s dank, dark, and dirt keeps getting in his mouth and nose. Not to mention how physically taxing it is. He grunts and struggles to get through certain spaces that are too tight, shimmying along in his elbows and stomach. 

But finally, he sees an opening and the stranger pull himself up out of the hole. Valentine follows close after, pushing himself through the opening by his hands. With a gasp, he rises from the hole, breathing in the open air and the night sky above. He’s never been so happy to be above ground before. 

But he isn’t at all happy to see who is waiting for him. Other than the stranger, Valentine’s eyes trail up the strong legs of a black Bronco before settling on the man sitting on its back. He is a big man––at least six feet––and the size of a bear with long hair, a salt-n-pepper beard, an eyepatch, and a gold tooth that glints at him in the moonlight. He wears black everything: a black hat; black slacks; black boots; a black jacket adorned with fringe. He is the most terrifying man to exist in the Wild West.

“Benji,” he gasps. 

Benji’s smile grows, laugh lines and wrinkles by his eyes. “Nice to see you too, Valentine,” he says in his deep, gruff voice that could make any man tremble. “How was prison for you?”

He doesn’t answer. He rises from his knees and dusts himself off, looking towards the prison. They are right outside of its wired fence, deep in the woods that surround it. “Ya know, crawlin’ through dirt as an escape route ain’t really my style,” he grumbles. 

Benji keeps smiling, menacingly so. “You’re lucky I even sent someone to get your ass bein’ that you fucked up and got yourself caught.” He nods at his goon who has settled onto his own horse. 

“It wasn’t my fault!” Valentine protests. “That damn idiot duo came after me and threatened to toss me in prison!” He seethes, thinking about you. “And now the bitch that they’re with is against me. She turned out to be the Fatale Femme.”

He has no problem throwing you under the bus. You ruined his entire operation! He was so sure Geto and Gojo would take his offer and let him go free. He was going to leave the county, maybe go overseas, and make his life from there. 

It’s bad enough to let Benji once again rope him into another one of his schemes. He just knew that robbing that Cherrywood train would bring him bad luck, but he listened to his boss anyway. “All ya need to do is grab the money with my men and kill the witnesses. You’ll get your cut and I’ll get mine.” 

Down on his luck and in need of some quick cash, Valentine agreed, but also had questions: “What about Geto and Gojo? Why are they apart of this? You haven’t worked with them in years.” 

Benji just smiled, puffing on his cigar. “Because they need to be reminded that they can’t run from me,” he answered, sending chills down Valentine’s spine. “They’ll never know that I was behind this, but that won’t matter. They think they can suddenly become these saviors, but when the law find them on that train with a bunch of dead bodies, they’ll finally understand that they can’t run from their sins.” 

It was punishment for leaving Benji. He wanted the Gunslingers to suffer. Valentine just wanted the money, so he went with it and ran. Now, he not only wants revenge on the duo but on you too. 

Benji’s brows rise at the mention of you. “The Fatale Femme teamin’ up with my old gunslingers, eh?” He ponders this, stroking his beard. “Then that means they’re a threat to me, but not for long. That means we’ll have to take them all out of the equation.” 

He looks down at Valentine like he’s no more than a bug, those dark eyes like a shark’s. “Listen to me very carefully,” he whispers and Valentine roughly swallows his spit. “I only got ya out of here because I’ve got another job for ya.” 

Valentine nods, hanging onto every word: I got word that those two gunslingin’ maggots are headin’ out of the West toward North,” Benji explains. “They’ll be passin’ through Sage County. I need you to follow ‘em with my crew and meet me in Sage County. Attack ‘em on the road if you need to.” 

Valentine nods, placing all of these instructions in the back of his mind. “But why are you goin’ to Sage County?” he asks. 

Benji pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and holds it between his teeth. “I got a call from four of my old workers earlier after they got arrested in Bull’s Creek. I know Geto and Gojo, so I know that they ask around and obviously know where I’m headed.” He pulls out a match box and lights a match in one strike. 

He then lights his cig and takes a puff, holding it between his ringed, inked fingers. “If they show up, I wanna kill them myself–especially that nosey bitch they’ve got with ‘em,” he spits. “I can’t have no one lookin’ for me.” 

The severity and seriousness of his words are set by the silence that looms over them along with the ice in Benji’s eyes. Finally, he glares at Valentine. “What are ya waitin’ on, idiot?” he huffs. “Get goin’ and don’t disappoint me.” 

He snaps the reins on his horse and takes off into the woods, leaving his goon and Valentine alone.

[skeetusmcyeetus]

I’ve making headcanons about all of my hyper fixations for a while now and just dumping them on my friends so I’m gonna also dump them here.

If you’re into All For the Game , My Hero Academia, ATLA, The Raven Cycle stay fuckn tuned my doods bc I have a loooot of stuff rattling around my empty skull.

Not all of these are 100% mine some of them are already pretty popular and I’m expanding on them or I heard something similar and edited it to my own tastes

I’ll separate them by series,,,

Theres like one canon that’s mildly nsfw

TW: drug abuse

Mha/Bnha

pro hero kirishima’s Red Riot™️ merch is insanely size inclusive bc he wants fatgum to be able to wear the hoodie that kiri’s pr team sent him but that’s not all,,

If he wasn’t super gay and in love with Bakugou he’d be very Into BBWs so again his merch is super size inclusive bc he wants everyone to be able to wear it

The company that makes the merch also takes requests for special made merch for people who’s quirks interfere with a “normal” size or dimension

ALSO ,,,,this man(kiri) is built like a fuckn MACK TRUCK OKAY he is 6’7” and cannot fit through doorways without ducking and turning a little to the side ,,, he is broad And still wears no shirt™️ ,,, this being said ,, bakugou is still around 5’8” and pretty slim don’t get me wrong he’s extremely strong and toned but he’s not huge,, it makes flying easier if he stays a little lighter ,,,,,,, the point is,, sometimes kiri will pick up bakugou with one arm and bakugou can’t even pretend to hate it anymore

Also,,,, fatgum has to use special pens and keyboards because of how big his hands are,,, he’s literally 8’2” I won’t take criticism on this

Fatgum actually loves wearing red riot and sun eater merch

Allmight and Inko start dating and one day when they’re out someone comments on how much all might “looks like a skeleton” and she absolutley lets loose on them for being so vapid and shallow and how “he’s risked his life to save people like you more times than you have ever even thought about being helpful in your life and it would serve you well to treat someone who’d die for you without even knowing you with more respect”

All might had to gently pull her away bc the guy was crying and she wasn’t anywhere near finished with him

Midnight is Asexual and aggressively pretends to be horny on main™️ because for one, it works with her quirk and two, nothing sells better than sex especially when you’re a woman.

Bakugou and kirishima use sign language to talk shit at Public events

Dabi is addicted to painkillers because he’s been on them his entire life,, he wakes up with the shakes and sometimes toga has to help him take his meds in the morning because he’s already in withdrawal

Tensei was the first one to realize that iida was autistic and immediately did copious amounts of research on ASD and how to be a good brother to him

ATLA

sokka grows his hair as long as Zuko’s (except the sides obvi) and sometimes he’ll wear his hair in the fire nation top knot and zuko loses it every time

Azula gets help and now sometimes when she wakes up with the sun after a night of fitful sleep she goes to the courtyard to have tea with iroh. They never talk, but then again they never need to.

Sometimes after a hard day sokka falls asleep in the bathtub and wakes up to zuko warming the water back up and washing his hair for him

Suki lounges in zukos throne while zuko gets worked up about stuff and paces all around the room

Mai is on the ace spectrum

When sokka and zuko visit the southern water tribe zuko will firebend for the all of the kids in the village,,, they love him so much and sometimes sokka gets a little teary eyed watching him

Sokka braids zukos hair water tribe style and it’s the hottest thing maybe ever

Zuko takes sokka on shopping sprees pretty frequently and sokka fuckn loves it

One time someone has the nerve to call sokka “the fire lords sugar baby” and sokka just flips his ponytail over his shoulder Ariana style and says “and what about it?”

The Raven cycle

Ronan has 100% killed Robert Parrish in his dreams and when he wakes up to see Adam next to him he almost immediately wants to go back to sleep and do it again for all the pain he’s caused Adam

Gansey is oblivious to the fact that he is indeed shredded,, when he gets really worked up he moves his arms a l o t like rolls up his sleeves, crosses and uncrosses his arms and The gang’s favorite is when he puts his hands on his head and subconsciously flexes,,,, literally entire gangsey will group swoon at him and he genuinely thinks they are marvelling at his passion for whatever he’s worked up about

Ronan watched broke back mountain once when he was like 16 and now all he can think about is being a gay cowboy ,,,

Adam will read people’s tarot wrong if theyre douchebags

Don’t you think it’s funny that the ganseys don’t have any straight children?

Blue has a T-shirt from each member of the gangsey (except Noah,, rip Noah) and shes created a terrible Franken-T-shirt by ripping them up and sewing them all back together in an extremely ugly patch work thing

Adam talks in Latin in his sleep and it really freaks his roommate out,, like a lot,, not to mention the fact that Adam already creeps him out to begin with bc he’s got that other vibe that comes from being tied to cabeswater and lindenmere ,, 6 out of 7 days his roommate is convinced that he’s a witch or a fairy or something

Ronan teaches opal how to bake and opal burns everything on purpose

aftg

Neil has definitely killed multiple people to survive

Neil’s mom definitely made him kill someone at least twice to make sure he could kill to survive on his own if they got separated

he probably definitely still has nightmares about each one

Matt and Dan both had a crush on Neil for like 30 seconds and absolutely talked to each other about him

Ppl always talk about how hot it is to crush a watermelon with your thighs,,,, Andrew could do it with his arms

Aarons ass is so flat and Andrew has an absolute dumptruck

Kevin started out as one of those annoying “obsessed with WWII” history guys and now he’s actually very into queer history and will rant about the lavender scare for an hour if you let him

The foxes lounge room(?) has a dart board with riko’s face on it to this day,, they literally have a drawer full of copies the same image of riko and every time one gets worn out they put a new one up. It’s more of an inside joke now but wymack still hates that little puke even though he’s dead so it stays up

Post-canon Neil gets drunk and teaches the team how to steal a car by hot wiring Matt’s truck

Matt does drag for halloween one year and Dan liked it a little too much *cough cough* she pegged him while he was still in drag

Someone once asked Renee if she was “saving herself for marriage like a good Christian girl should” and Allison knocked them out cold and stepped over the body

Neil calls Aaron ugly to his face literally any chance he gets (I feel like this one might be canon but I actually don’t know What’s real anymore)

Andrew Unironically wears a pink apron that says “kiss the cook” that Nicky got him for Christmas when he bakes

Okay I think that’s it ? For now?? Let me know if y’all want more,,,,, I’ll separate them next time I just really had to dump these and I didn’t want to make multiple posts.

I made this at 5:30 in the morning sorry if it’s riddled with typos and errors.

[justinsentertainmentcorner]

Sam Lansky at Time Magazine: 

People keep asking T.J. Osborne how he’s feeling, which makes sense, given the thing he’s about to do, but it’s making him uneasy, hearing that well-intentioned question over and over again from so many people—his friends, his family, his team, and even me, over the course of the days that have led up to this one. Now, at a masked-up photo shoot in east Nashville, he insists that he’s feeling good as he slips on a jacket. “I’m ready to put this behind me,” he says.

T.J. is tall and friendly, with a twangy, sonorous voice that often crests into deep, warm laughter. He’s the lead vocalist of Brothers Osborne, the duo he formed with his brother John, a guitarist, in 2012; together they make roots-inflected, soulful country-rock that sounds just as good on the radio as it would filling an arena. Since signing to EMI Records Nashville, they’ve released seven country Top 40 singles and three studio albums, including their swoony, rollicking platinum hit “Stay a Little Longer,” which crossed over to mainstream radio. (Have you ever fallen in love in late summer, gazing out at an orange-and-purple sunset from the bed of a pickup truck? Well, me neither, but this song will make you feel like you have!) The duo has won four CMA Awards, been nominated for seven Grammys, and collaborated with heavy-hitting country contemporaries such as Dierks Bentley and Maren Morris. There’s nothing surprising about the duo’s popularity: Both T.J. and John are engaging performers with a knack for anthemic hooks.

What may come as a surprise to the band’s fans is the news that T.J., 36, is gay. This isn’t a recent revelation for him; he’s known since he was young, and he’s been out to family and friends in his tight-knit Nashville community for years. In some respects, he says, coming out publicly is no big deal. “I’m very comfortable being gay,” he says later, in a quiet room at the office of his management company. “I find myself being guarded for not wanting to talk about something that I personally don’t have a problem with. That feels so strange.”

But his reservations are understandable, given that country music remains a bastion of mainstream conservatism in American arts and culture. If liberal Hollywood is notorious for pushing a progressive agenda, country has historically been its counterpoint—a safe haven for traditional “family values.” Never mind that many country artists, like Nashville as a city, lean blue: They know that their primary market, like the state of Tennessee itself, skews red. The country music business is lucrative, generating $5.5 billion to Nashville’s economy alone, according to RIAA; if artists speak out, they run the risk of alienating listeners, particularly in an era when even anodyne statements of support for a cause can be misconstrued. The tale of the Chicks, formerly the Dixie Chicks, who were exiled after criticizing the Iraq War, looms large over country music. Taylor Swift even cited the band’s ouster as a reason she remained publicly apolitical for so long: “You’re always one comment away from being done,” she told Variety in a 2020 interview.

With this news, T.J. becomes the only openly gay artist signed to a major country label—a historic moment for the genre. He’s had predecessors, of course: Other openly queer artists, from Grammy-winning singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile to masked cowboy Orville Peck to viral hitmaker Lil Nas X, have found success by integrating country influences into their genre-defying music, and country artists including Chely Wright and Billy Gilman have passionate fanbases. But T.J. may be the first to come out with his feet so firmly planted in both the sound and machinery of mainstream country, in the full bloom of his career.

He is worried that coming out will look opportunistic, or attention-seeking. “People will ask, ‘Why does this even need to be talked about?’ and personally, I agree with that,” he says. “But for me to show up at an awards show with a man would be jaw-dropping to people. It wouldn’t be like, ‘Oh, cool!”

What happens next remains to be seen. “I don’t think I’m going to get run off the stage in Chicago,” he says. “But in a rural town playing a county fair? I’m curious how this will go.” The professional risks he’s taking in coming out feel worth it, both for his own happiness and because, well, it’s time. Country music is about storytelling, and that means T.J.’s identity is inextricable from his music. Maybe, T.J. says, country isn’t the most popular genre among gay people. “But is that just because they’ve never had the opportunity to relate to it?”

***

T.J. is short for Thomas John, the inverse of his older brother and bandmate, whose name is John Thomas, named after their father, whose name is also John Thomas, though people call him “Big John.” Growing up in Deale, Md., a blue-collar town on the Chesapeake Bay, T.J. and his siblings—including sister Natalie, who now works for a publisher in Nashville—were always musical, performing alongside Big John’s blues band in local shows. But being closeted was painful. “It was so lonely and isolating,” T.J. says. “It made me resent people.” A first heartbreak in his early twenties crushed him all the more because he felt like he couldn’t tell anyone. “I was mad that no one knew why I was hurting,” he says. He channeled that anguish into his music. One song he wrote about that relationship, called “21 Summer,” has become a fan favorite, and you can see why: It’s a big, nostalgic singalong with lyrics about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze. It’s still tender for him—not just heartbreak, but how alone he was going through it. “There are so many times I’ve sung that song and wanted to cry,” he says. “People love that song, but the emotion of it is deeper than they even realize.”

[...]

Will conservative radio programmers or rural concertgoers be as eager to play and tailgate a gay artist, even one they already know and love? Both brothers want to believe the answer is yes. “Maybe I’m not giving my fans enough credit,” T.J. says. “Maybe I’m not giving the genre enough credit.” His reasons for doing this now, he says, have nothing to do with wanting to be loved or hated. “I just want to move on,” he says again, and it’s here that I break.

So I ask T.J. a question, which is: What if there is nothing to move on from? What if being gay is a gift, and your gayness is not something to be tolerated but something to be celebrated, and even if untangling the shame and confusion of growing up gay in a straight world takes a long time, it’s worth doing so you can use your voice, not only to sing songs about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze but to say, clearly and unapologetically, that this is who you are? What if there are a lot of gay boys in small towns who haven’t figured it out yet and feel overwhelmed by snarky TV sidekicks and glittery pop stars bellowing self-empowerment anthems, and what if those gay boys in small towns got to have an avatar of their own—if they knew that someone like them was singing that song about cutoff jeans and hair blowing in the breeze on the radio? Isn’t that why we spend so much time talking about representation, because as much as it’s a burden, it’s also the only antidote to the loneliness of being different? And—not to tell him how to feel, which is, of course, exactly what I’m doing—but isn’t this occasion, of owning who he is in a place where some people might prefer he didn’t exist, something to embrace instead of something to endure?

“Don’t get me wrong,” T.J. says. “When I say I want to put it behind me, I want to put the coming out behind me. Because ultimately it’s a very small detail about me.”

But what if being gay is not a small detail? I ask. What if it’s the most important thing about you? Which is not to say that it should be, or that it is, but just that—what if?

T.J. Osborne of country group Brothers Osborne came out as gay. 

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH: S3 Episode 13, 14, 15, 16

Episode 13

MACCADAM IS MY GRANDPA NOW

Jetfire!!! And Skybite!!! Skybite’s got a great laugh

Oh wow the cloaking still protects them? Nice!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIX PERCY’S EYES, WHERE THE FRICK IS RATCHET

A MULTIVERSE DRIVE???

PLEASE...PLEASE LET US SEE OTHER UNIVERSES??? OTHER UNIVERSES PLEASE????

SPARE SOME MULTIVERSE STUFF FOR A POOR SOUL???

I mean as it stands, the fact that Cyberverse is talking about this stuff is more than satisfying, man I frickin love this show

“We can launch those squiggly things into a whole ‘nother universe!” his delivery of that line was so good and also Wheeljack pls, then it’ll be another version of you’s problem

MEGATRON REALLY *IS* POUTING, MEGATRON YOU BIG BABY

Maccadam fondly but watching them talk about their battle plans makes me feel so bad for him...

AW MAN IS MEGATRON GONNA CHUCK OPTIMUS INTO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

About time you showed up you big pouting pansy

Man these two totally were ex boyfriends

LMAO ARCEE AND SHADOW-STRIKER’S EVIL LAUGHS, THAT”S SO DELIGHTFUL

That Titan should just smack them out of the sky tbh

SKULLCRUNCHER THE CROC...NICE

I love that Soundwave and Roddy are manning the controls

“Commanders command. And you forget, we have backup” CUTE...CUTE....CUTE!!!

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS!!!!!!

BEE!!!It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I love my little yellow boy!!! Please take care of your dad Bee

OH NO IT”S CREEPY TENTACLE DOCTOR

GOTH GIRL AND PREP GIRL!!! 

MAN I JUST KNOW SOMETHING’S GOING TO GO HORRIFICALLY WRONG HERE

FRICK NOT THIS DUDE AGAIN

AW MAN NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT ONCE

YEAAAHHHHH WHEELJACK AND MEGATRON WORKING TOGETHER!!! NICE

Two Decepticons and one Autobot...not a good sign

Oh shoot it’s the DECEPTICONS who wanna universe-jump, MEGATRON COME ON DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOUR ARMY WITH YOU DUMMY

OH NO!!!!!!

“It’s time for the commanders to join the battle” MAN YOU’RE SO COOL RODDY (YOU TOO SOUNDWAVE)

OH SHOOT THERE GOES THE TOWER

WELL FRICK

DON”T “WE DID IT” HOT ROD YOUR DAD IS IN THAT WRECKAGE

“Quintessons: Inferior. Cybertronians: Superior” MAN I”LL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT

HE”S SO COOL!!!!! FIST BUMP BUDDIES!!! Man I’m so over the moon that these two wound up getting along

You know I’m suddenly having a revelation: I wonder if they could somehow re-activate all those other Soundwaves to help them against the (inevitable) final battle I’m sure they’re gonna have

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME

Starscream: CANCELED, CANCELED, YOU”RE ALL CANCELED

Well, Megatron certainly got the heck out of dodge at the right time lmao

Episode 14

I legit thought they were going to do an ATLA ref for half a second

Oh my gosh is this an Autobot recruitment video???

“The universe. You ever thought about it?” GOSH THIS VIDEO....

I’m frickin cackling, the Quintessons were like “Hmm, what’s the worst thing we could possibly inflict on this planet?” then went “Oh, of course, Starscream”

WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST LET GO STARSCREAM

Wow Starscream really did just sell out his entire planet huh

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!!! JEEZ HE GOT EVERYONE

Jeez and Starscream has to share with two other faces, that sucks

Lmao Starscream is just like “Nah judging people is what I was born for”

UNSPACE??? UH OK

WAIT isn’t that what Wheeljack made a few episodes ago????

LMAO HE’S GONNA WAIT TIL HE CAN GET OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON TOO bless Starscream and his pettiness

“First I must witness their humiliation!” STARSCREAM PLEASE the Quintessons really got the worst Judge

OHHH WHAT’S HE GONNA DO

SOUNDWAVE YOU’RE SO POWERFUL!!!!!

OH NO HE GOT THEM AGAIN....

GOSH I ACTUALLY GASPED WHEN THEY BROKE SOUNDWAVE’S AUDIO THING, NO!!!

“Well, it did for one of us, and it only takes one Autobot to make a difference” Bee? Whirl??? Wheeljack???

WINDBLADE!!! EVEN BETTER!!! The person with the braincell!!!

I love that Rodimus doesn’t even look worried, he just sighs like “aw man not this loser again”

On the one hand: Worried about my boys On the other: Man I love these two being buds

Also: Not To Be That Guy But it looks like Soundwave’s wearing white thigh-highs with little orange hearts on them and it’s VERY distracting

“You two work so well together!!!” OH NO OH NO OH NO ARE THEY GONNA FUSE THEM TOGETHER OR SOMETHING

THOSE HEAD MASKS ARE SO DISTURBING

uh oh what kind of loop is this

THE PLAGUE OF RUST OH NO

oh my gosh STARSCREAM’S MAKING THEM DO A BUFFING LOOP...THAT’S REALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF STARSCREAM....

“WHERE ARE MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME” well Optimus is under a pile of concrete, so

Lmao thank you for your peanut-gallery commentary Kup

OH SHOOT THEY DID JUMP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE BRIDGE

MAN THAT LOOKS SO FRICKIN COOL???? YO SHOUTOUT TO THE BACKGROUND ARTISTS WHO WORKED ON THIS SHOW, YOU ROCK

SERIOUSLY IM IN LOVE WITH THAT I hope whoever did the background art shares their work online sometime, I’ll be ALL over that

AHH I ALWAYS FORGET HOW SHORT THESE EPISODES ARE

Excuse me, Jeremy Levy as WHO???

Episode 15

Kup you are an...interesting commentator choice lmao

MACCADAM..... :(

Windblade please save our favorite Grandpa

wINDBLADE!

HOW’S IT FEEL BEING THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK WINDBLADE

Wait I *JUST* noticed the title calls this “Bumblebee: Cyberverse Adventures” ???? IS THAT NEW

CALL ME A SUCKER BUT WINDBLADE CRACKING HER NECK AND TELLING THE LITTLE SHARK DUDES TO BRING IT ON WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES SO FAR

Windblade: *does anything* Me: IM GAY

“I don’t do fear” GOSH I LOVE MY TALENTED GIRL

OH NO!!! OH NO!!!! WINDBLADE NO!!!!!

AND HER WINGS TOO??? WHY!!!!

MACCADAM HELP HER OUT COME ON DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO NO FIGHTING

lmao rip at the dude crushed by the juke box

Wait I thought they already woke up Iaconus??

YEAH!!!!!!!! MACCADAM AND WINDBLADE TEAMING UP

“UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES AGAINST ME!” LMAO I LOVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE IS TUNING OUT STARSCREAM get rekt Starscream.

Not to rag on people who like Starscream because I like him too but me @ Starscream stans tbh 

You guys just need to hold hands! I mean seriously, come on you guys!

STARSCREAM QUINTESSONS OMG I just noticed they’re all wearing Starscream’s colors pffft

AW.....MACCADAM’S FIRST HIGH-FIVE....:’) I bet Windblade and Maccadam both give the best hugs and best high-fives 

They’re so cute MAN I love Cyberverse!!!! I love how sweet these characters are!!!

A psychic trap??? Hoo boy

Windblade: How do I defeat this psychic trap? Maccadam: Well, it would help if you had any bug or dark-type Pokemon on you.

“Or you could just tell me!” I JUST SAID THAT TOO LMAO gosh I love the writing on this show

OHHH I LOVE THE CONTRAST OF IACONUS’ BRAIN WITH BEE’S BRAIN IN SEASON ONE, THAT”S SO GOOD

OH LMAO HE MEANT HER SWORD I thought he meant like “your inner-strength” or “your wisdom” NO HE MEANT “USE YOUR SWORD WINDBLADE” LOL

OHHH SPOOKY VOICE, I DIG IT

Wow Starscream’s really reading out his 1000 page long call-out post to a captive audience

LMAO THEY”RE JUST LISTING OUT DATE LOCATIONS

CHROMIA IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AHHH

OH NO ARCEE!!!!

I LOVE ARCEE, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT YOU BASTARD”

OH SHOOT JK I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN”T TOTALLY WAKE HIM  UP LAST TIME I was wondering why he was just an arm

TITAN TIME!!!

Episode 16

To toast the flares off a neutron star....cute....

Wouldn’t it be cute if Kup was telling this story to a bunch of baby Cybertronians

Awh....Maccadam I’m sorry your old Titan had to re-awaken :(

“Too bad I won’t know how it ends” OH NO ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL OFF MACCADAM???? NO!!!!

Iaconus looks frickin RAD I’m sure Hasbro will make a killing off his toys

Speaking of I really hope they release Cyberverse on DVD in a bundle-pack

“War Titan, do NOT ignore me!” YEAH USE YOUR MOM VOICE ON HIM WINDBLADE!!!

LOVE THAT ROCK MUSIC

“This has never happened before” now THERE’S an interesting tidbit

OH NO....ITS THE OTHER TITAN....CROATON....

on the one hand, I’m SO glad we’re getting the Titan battle I crave, but on the other, CROATON NO!!!

TRIFORCE BEAM!!!

I love that Windblade is Jaeger-ing this frickin Titan solo

WHOOPS THERE GOES THE STADIUM

“Optimus had a fight of his own...with gravity!” oh how the mighty have fallen Optimus lmao

I wonder how this wonky universe would handle a flier

JUST THROW A BUILDING AT A TITAN, NBD

SOMEONE PLEASE CATCH ARCEE

THANKS GRIMLOCK

THERE’S RATCHET Finally, I was wondering where he was

“Well it’s not my fault this won’t be a fair fight” OH SHOOT THERE IT IS!!! THERE IT IS

I can’t believe Starscream is trying to back-seat drive this fight lmao

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!! Oh thank goodness they’re ok

OH NO OH NO

IS THIS IT IS HE GONNA DIE?? MAC DONT GIVE IN TO FATE!!!  NO!!!

MAC NO!!!!!!!!!! MAC YOU DIDN”T HAVE TO DIE NO!!! YOU LITERALLY DID NOT HAVE TO STAND THERE AND GET BLASTED WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!

“My last citizen...he is gone” FRICK IM GONNA START CRYING

Quints > Murdered Croaton's citizens most likely > Enslave Croaton > Inadvertently kill Iaconus' last citizen (WHICH HURT BECAUSE WE'RE MADE TO ASSUME IACONUS ONLY CARES ABOUT WAR BUT NO, HE LOVES HIS CITIZENS DEEP DOWN) > BEHEAD IACONUS LIKE, WHY YOU GOTTA STAB ME IN THE HEART LIKE THIS

Wheeljack you’re so smart but ALSO IM STILL CRYING OVER MACCADAM

“Hehe, you’re a nasty little fella” NICE JOB COWBOY

OH NO ALL THE SOUNDWAVES DANGIT I KNEW IT

AND HE”S A BIG LIAR HE DID HAVE SOME BLUE SOUNDWAVES

OH NO WHAT ABOUT WINDBLADE

HECK THAT”S SUCH A BAD PLACE TO STOP BUT I CANT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES RN I GOTTA STAGGER THIS SERIES

[polygon-streams]

April 25th 2019- Mortal Kombat 2nd Stream

Summary: Pat plays Mortal Kombat 11 on his Twitch channel and an interesting story line ensues

Content warnings: blood, gore, violence, and death (in-game)

Stream starts at 5:17 (starts 10 mins in)

Pat is reminded to turn on subtitles!

Welcomes some peeps in chat (including faith!)

Sets up some block words so as to help others avoid spoilers for the new avengers game (leading to chat posting wildly untrue avengers spoilers “snape kills bumblebore”)

Pat: “Hmmm… uhhh… I’m now realizing i don’t know much about the marvel cinematic universe.”

Piss! from unlimitedpastapass

this takes a few minutes as he accidentally writes all blocked words as one and has to fix it!

People in chat are cheating their way past the filter by misspelling character names. Pat: “thangus?”

“Mike, here’s the secret about my content, it doesn’t have to be good”

Catches up on subs and follows

Says he hasn’t gone far enough in mk to get to microtransactions yet

Starts again in mk story mode

Mentions how you can finish a specific chapter of mk to unlock frost

“There’s kainos beard”

Compares a mk character to austin aries

“He definitely wants to kiss himself”

Wants the next chapter to be a gone home style with Jax

Is drinking water and a jarritos watermelon

Mentions how favs are lime and grapefruit

“He is really going after his grandpa instincts”

Long cutscene which included pat saying aw at how jade wouldn’t betray kitana

“She's been norted”

Everyone in chat loves this bug woman character until she spits out bugs

Pally9x then plays ‘they put bugs in him’ sound which causes a pat laugh

“Those guys gotta hit the gym” - pat @ really buff characters in a cutscene

Memeshart brought up their love for a bunch of characters being in a ‘Stealth conga line’

Pat laughing at enemies being “stupid” during a cutscene

“Whoops” after a character stabs an enemy

“I'm just smashin buttons for the most part”

“Thats uncool” - Pat after a coatl calls for an execution

Theo, a staff member of Twitch enters the stream! “Oh rad it’s that guy who hangs out with BDG”

A character enters the cutscene with ‘Piss!’ sound happening at the same, perfect time

Mentions how a character with a hat sounds exactly like Xavier Renegade angel

Mentions how he doesn’t think that any of the characters in MK11 are canonically gay, but did have one in MKX

Some dudebro character named Johnny tries to make moves on a female in a very bad way, cuts to the whole team looking at him, promptly making him embarrassed (as he should be)

The dudebro Johnny gets slapped and gets his glasses knocked off, promptly puts on a second pair he had in his pocket, causing Pat to laugh

The chat roots on pat to “destroy this fuckboy clown”

Pat laughs and says “it’s so stupid” at cutscenes

Faith in chat: “lotta piss in this stream tonight!”

“Oh, here comes yeehaw.”

“I’m the anti kissin cowboy, aint nobody kissin on my watch.”

We apparently have a new character called the ‘abstinence cowboy’

More cutscene confusion and laughter, “What the fuck is going on in this game”

Nut punch in the cutscene, followed closely by a ‘Piss!”

“I just stabbed that man with a trophy of myself.”

“Oops, that’s my organs, he got all my organs”

Character: “I’m the star” Pat, mockingly: “Im ThE sTaR”

“Hey guys what’s going on I just showed up I hope nothing bad is happening here” Many bad things are happening

Chat goes buckwild over sheeva and her very good big four arms

Pat agrees with Memeshart in that a cutscene char. Is definitely liu kang wearing disguise

“I need that blood!” -Pat after getting fatally stabbed

Pat earns a halfway point trophy!

“Yeah alright, so I gotta beat this guy’s ass in front of his whole family”

“ouchie , stabby stabby”

‘Donkey kong has died’ plays after Pat dies in game

“Just fucking threw a dude at him”

Mentions how he had ‘cheap-ass’ chinese food that was very good and will reheat it tomorrow

“Whoops, shish kabobed” after getting stabbed with a long katana

“Big torso on that one”

Pat gets to a big arena battle in main storyline with a lot of characters fighting each other

“I love tournament anime”

“Ah the bear hug, nobody escapes the bear hug!”

“I wanted Jared’s wife (?) not his heir.” Pat: ProJared?

“That’s a good message...and kicking them in the head is a nice touch”

Pat, looking at the chat chanting for two characters ( kotal and ..green nina lady ) to kiss: “Uhh don’t think we’ve had any kisses yet. Haven’t had any kisses in a while”

“Think you can get away with it cause you’re hot?” -Pat @ character calling sonya some not nice words

Mentions while you cannot use additional outfits in story mode, you can unlock them

Sonya fights a very beat up 80s Johnny fuckboi before they team up to try and get out of the fight ring they’re in

“Just guys bein dudes”

“Mmm.. howdy. I heard rumors that folks were kissin’ in here..” - Pat is bringing back the abstinence cowboy

Pat laughs at @moyeraidan’s comment: “why does sonya look like one of the college admission scandal moms”

Mentions how mk has good fighting choreography

“Rub my tummy”

“The absolute madlad, dropping the gun”

“He’s just making him sleepy that all” after a cutscene char most definitely kills someone

“He’s critical with a K”

“My bones”

“stummy hurt”

“Oh, he needs that to think!” in regard to a character getting his head squeezed to death.

Chat compares ocean with green mist to,,,farts

“This ocean’s got stink lines coming off it.”

“Ah shit here we go again” after a character says,, “here we go again”

Characters walking through a desolate wasteland, “seems fine”

Plugs Thomas’ stream !! And mentions he’ll be back either Saturday or Sunday and starts to host Thomas’ stream

[terri9274]

Taylor’s Unreleased Songs

This is me trying to coalesce some of her unreleased songs and how I interpret a pretty clear queer reading. I might do more than one of these, not sure. I’m definitely not a lyric analysis person but I’ll highlight the songs and some choice lyrics I think are very gay-coded and about her experience as a young gay teenager. Now, who could these songs be about you may ask? For most I don’t know. I don’t really know when most of these were written but most of her unreleased songs were written Pre-2006, prior to the release of her first album. So in that vein, some of them could be about her high school girlfriends, Lacey and Kelsey. Or an unknown crush or hook up. Okay, let’s get into this. Most of the credit for lyrics goes to AZlyrics.com. Most of the songs I’m gonna talk about are here. 

                                “Angelina”

There’s some posts about this already around here and an amazing analysis by @that-curly-haired-lesbian here EDIT: This was written much younger than I thought. She wrote it in middle school in 2002(x)

                              “Being with my baby”

All is quiet in the world tonight Catching stars and fireflies The summer sings a lullaby With just me and my baby On the hood of his daddy's car Pass around his old guitar Bet mama's wondering where we are It's just me and my baby The world is spinning round Cause look just what I've found

Ooh, life's so sweet right here Ooh, keeping it young and crazy Ooh, just wanna stay right here Cause nothing's quite like being with my baby Driving home by the river side Wishing I could slow down time Taking pictures in my mind Both me and my baby The car pulls up and I'm home too late We didn't take that interstate Back roads was a better way For me and my baby The closer that we get Oh, I can't leave yet

Look at what we've found So turn that car around

This reminds me of “Our song” with the subtle-ish sneaking around and the mama lyric. Otherwise cute af song. What if this is about the same person “Tim Mcgraw” is about. She mentions summer in both songs. It seems like she wants time to slow like they only have the summer left like “Tim Mcgraw”. The whole car date under the stars seems familiar(and gay). What if “Tim Mcgraw” is about Lacey, her first girlfriend. The timeline of what we know about Lacey and her fit. Written in 2004(x)

                          “Better off & “Fall back on you”

Talked about these songs here (x) EDIT: “Better off” written in 2004. “Fall back on you” written in 2005.(x)

                                    “Closest to a cowboy”

Snap buttons on a denim shirt Blue jeans and a little dirt That’s the closest you’ll see me Feet hanging out a pickup truck Crazy and a little rough Running free That’s the closest to a cowboy You’ll see me Before I met him I was so sane and grounded Before he taught me how to lie And crawl out the window I learned the dirt roads And I got my heart broken Cause that cowboy taught me how to cry And how to let go I thought there for a little while Every sunset I’d be a riding off with him 

 It was all a little Wonderful and strange But I’ll never look At a sunset the same light 

There’s sneaking around again that is similar to “Our song”, which is important to note she wrote around the same time, like 2005, like most likely most of these songs. What is this is again about the same person “Tim Mcgraw” and “Our song” are about(x) Boyfriend Taylor for the win!

                              “I know what I want”

Don’t try me Don’t fight me You be you and I’ll be me They say I’ve always known What I wanted My friends and enemies Will tell you it’s true You will find out I always get it I know what I want And it ain’t you Your mum and daddy’s walls Are covered up in pictures of you You never met a mirror That you didn't look again into So sorry, don’t worry I’m sure there are so many girls Who love you like you do

Oh baby, don’t persuade me I know that you ain’t used to no So let me say it real slow 

This song is badass and GAY. I love a Taylor song that’s feisty and self-assured and confident. It could be about a guy bothering her even though she has been so clear she knows what she wants and it will never be him(or any guy), especially not some conceited asshole who won’t leave her alone. I love this cuz listening I’m like “You go, Taylor tell him off that you’re fucking gay!” Lol. There are some myspace comments of Taylor’s that are similar the theme of this song a little that I was fascinated by so here they are.

Dec 29, 2005 2:44

Lil’ Kels.

hahahhaha

I looove love love your new pictures. You are pretty,

You’re right.. you better watch out.

Because I do what I want.

-T-

What if this song is at least indirectly about Kelsey? Am I losing my mind? Possibly, possibly. The poem really just reminds me of this song, but like a sadder side of the coin. Either way, this is MAN-HATING LESBIAN WITCHERY. I’m gonna leave you with some wise words from Ms. Leslie Jones that I think is appropriate.

                                    “I used to fly”

I’m hopelessly lost with this song. Maybe a metaphor for hiding a relationship with someone, and they broke up? Its just so vague I really don’t know.

                                    “I’m every woman”

This is a cover and its sexy and cute. Go, Taylor!

                              “Just south of knowing why”

She didn't have a reason to go, oh no She didn't have a reason to stay Either way she didn't tell anyone about her first ray of sun She looked at her keys and found a reason to run And time stands still when you're nowhere bound But I understand it somehow If I could drive all night would I find my peace of mind? Would it be a million miles of cold white lies And unfamiliar exit signs? I just drive on by, just south of knowing why I didn't really know her that well But I could tell that her smile was only something to hide behind She felt so out of touch, cuz she just felt too much If you don't know what you want nothing's ever enough

I don't have a plan, I don't have a map I don't even know if I'm ever going back I don't have a when and I don't have a where I don't even know if I'll know when I'm there

Female pronouns!!! Don’t really get what the songs about exactly except obviously she’s very upset(maybe because of the girl). Maybe she was with a girl for a short time and the girl broke up with her because she didn’t know what she wanted, leaving poor Tay heartbroken and alone in her feelings.

                               “Live for the little things”

One daybreak, one heartache Every once-upon-a-time That black dress, happiness Bubble baths and quarter lines

This is interesting. That verse remind you of anything? “ When you think happiness I hope you think that little black dress”. “Tim McGraw” anyone? Possibly this song is also about Lacey?

                                   “Long time coming”

I got a lying smile I never put out for you Cause I guess I never felt like I really needed to And they say little girls have big dreams And nothing in the world was gonna come between me and you And it was a long time coming I waited half my life just to find someone like you I spent a long time finding out love hangs around after you walk out Not knowing it'd be a long time going They say it's better to have lost than never to have loved at all And I say, whoever said that didn't have too far to fall And they say little girls are so naive That wasn't how it was supposed to be with me and you

I've burned my bridges, had sleepless nights Washed my sins on the neon lights And I'm still not over you

What that? Oh, just the sound of my heart breaking.  “ Washed my sins on the neon lights”. *coughs*gay. Reminds me of the Red album prologue actually. The Neruda quote she quote, “Love is so short, forgetting is so long”. Right, @theredalbumprologue? Sorry, absolutely could not resist. Gender neutral.

                                  “Mandolin”

People there can't help but care About the friendly music of a guy Who's getting by from their applause He's got a song that moves along He's got his local crowd tonight At Angelina's family bar and grill He's got his heart on his sleeve The songs he plays just living free But who knows what goes through his mind When he plays a song it brings along Everybody saying Who's that guy who plays the mandolin... mandolin Oh yeah, mandolin

Oh he's the kind of guy Who never really wanted fame His feet are planted firmly on the ground He never wanted people to remember his name He never wanted word to get around That he found heaven on earth He's got his heart on his sleeve The songs he plays just living free But who knows what goes through his mind When he plays a song it brings along Everybody saying Who's that guy who plays the mandolin Oh, I'm the guy who plays the mandolin Mandolin Oh, mandolin

This song is a mindfuck! I was just minding my business walking my dog and then the last verse plays and ????. What kind of gay shit have I stumbled upon. I don’t even think Taylor plays the mandolin, but not sure. The whole, what goes through his mind when he plays a song is very interesting, maybe she’s saying “hey, I got closeted by my team so I can be successful in country music and maybe everyone doesn’t know who I’m really singing about and how I feel, cuz the whole my songs are my diary isn’t exactly me, its a persona.”  At Angelina's family bar and grill, what the fuck, right @that-curly-haired-lesbian? I am confusion though, I don’t get how most of this remotely fits Taylor. BUT VERY GAY.

                          “The diary of me”

I’m a laid back T-shirt, blue jean, mood ring Kinda girl Hey yeah what’s the word on you Lay low I’m a mission rebel Angel devil Little left of the middle Sometimes I get temperamental But here I am an open book Turn the page it’s all the rage Get a look on the inside Oh what you get is what you see Baby you hold the key To the diary of me 

This is like the song form of her public persona during the start of her career. Total boyfriend Taylor in full view. She clearly used to write before she really made it more openly about certain things that later she couldn’t really talk about, like it seems she rather not wear traditionally feminine clothes in favor of nice t-shirt. Yet what does she wear in public and for performances? Just something to think about. She writes lyrics like this in many earlier songs, “A place in this world”, “Tim Mcgraw”, “Diary of me”, “Closest to a cowboy”, “A Place in this world”, “What to wear”,”You belong with me”. Forced femininity AND being closeted and having to act “straight” is a nasty combination. The whole my songs are my diary was the inception of her authenticity problem because Swifties STILL think that they know everything about her and that she wouldn’t “lie” to them. Closeting is not a lie. This era she’s really trying to get the farthest away from that than ever. See the Rep prologue. She has been inviting speculation into the simple clear fact that people just see what she shows them and that things aren’t always as they seem.(x) But it’s more explicit than ever now. 

                                    “My turn to be me”

Something about me didn't fit into your perfect world I bet the bluegrass stained your smile You should use a darker color when you write on the wall I haven't read it a thousand times Maybe if you saw me for a second you would realize Honey I was trying so hard To talk, walk, think, stop Anytime you want me to Bend all my rules I used to let you choose Who you wanted me to be This time I'm flying free It's my turn to be me

Looks like she’s trying to fit into the mold of heteronormative standards, she wanted to be accepted. The straights think this song is about a guy she was dating that was very controlling, but through a queer perspective it seems obviously much deeper than that. Although, possibly she dated a guy for a little bit as part of her trying to fit in and she felt trapped and with all these expectations that were not her. Just an idea. Either way, this song is about breaking free from that toxic thinking and realizing the most important thing is making yourself happy. In other words, the rise a gayby boyfriend Taylor?! GAY. 

                                       “My cure”

I know we've got a lot to say Between now and forever But I'd be a game if you would play And not dare this to get better So all throughout the day You smile and walk away All I can think to do Is follow you If you ever leave I'll be crawling back for more If you ever need love I'm standing at your door I'll be sick inside if baby you would be my cure Wherever you think I am tonight Just know we're miles from a heartbreak Because in the blink of one pretty brown eye I'll be right where you are baby

Sometime along the way You took my breath away Distracted by the view I fall right into you

They say I need to see all the people out there waiting But you take one look at me And I know the mistake I'd be making

I know we've got a lot to say between now and forever

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. One of my favorites that I listened to. It is such a soft gay anthem! Although, yes very adorable, seems she could also be referencing that a lot of people did and still do say that being gay is a sickness and unnatural(x). So it seems in this she is saying that she doesn’t care if people know or find out and call her things because “This love”(her queerness) is good no matter what they say. Gender neutral. She says pretty brown eye, so if that is accurate it can’t be about Kelsey(she has green eyes). Maybe Lacey or an unknown girl.

                                    “Never mind”

Look at you Look at me Look at who we could be I wanna know who you are What you want from the stars And every time I look at you I can hardly say a thing My head starts to spin and it hits me then I love you And every time you look at me I could go crazy but I don't Say it but I won't 'Cause I'd rather be alone than lose you And all I really wanna do is be next to you But I'm too tired to fight And I could tell you now But baby, never mind All the time Everyday There's nothing I can do, baby, to make it go away So look at you And look at me And think of who we could be But every time I look at you I can hardly say a thing My head starts to spin and it hits me then I love you And every time you look at me I could go crazy but I don't Say it but I won't 'Cause I'd rather be alone than lose you

All I really wanna say is I need you, babe But how could you understand? What happens if you turn away and everything turns blue and grey? And I just wish I told you never mind And I could tell you now, but baby, never mind Yeah, oh yeah I could tell you now but never mind Yeah, oh yeah yeah And I could tell you now but never mind

This screams straight girl crush who she was friends with. 

                               “Don’t hate me for loving you”

He walked around my life And made me blind With every single move He caught me staring at him Mad about him Little that I knew Love is different When you play the fool And all I wanna do is say Don't walk away now And don't rip my heart out Don't you make cry tonight Like you always do And don't hate me for loving you

Unrequited straight girl crush. She’s written many songs like this but this is this is very stark and explicit and just very gay-coded more than others like this, i think. Some examples, “Teardrops on my guitar”, “Invisible”, “Stay beautiful”, “Hey stephen”, “You belong with me”, “Don’t hate me for loving you”, “Never mind”. What straight girl would worry that a boy would HATE her for liking him? Thinking the girl you have a crush on would be disgusted by you and your feelings and totally reject you is terrifying and heartbreaking and something basically all lesbians can relate to especially when they were young. SAD.

                                    “One thing”

It wasn't just like a movie The rain didn't soak through my clothes, down to my skin I'm driving away and I, I guess you could say This is the last time I'll drive this way again When there's nothing to say and I try to grab at the fray Cause I, I still love you but I can't Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side Bye, bye, baby I want you back but it's coming down to nothing And all you have is to walk away From the one thing I thought would never leave me, yeah The picture frame is empty It's black and white, you're smiling down at me I take your photo off the dash And back to the conversation I was so sure of everything we thought we'd always have I'm lost in the sound of it But here in the now comes in Seems like I'm becoming part of your past

And there's so much that I can't touch You're all I want but it's not enough this time And I can feel you like your slipping through my hands And I'm so scared of how this ends

Gender neutral. Has echoes of “If this was a movie”. SAD and gay. Break up:( 

                                  “Spinning around”

Not sure what its about but it seems metaphorical. Maybe her feelings for girls in a way make her feel cornered and caged, if I may. Hard to say.

                                    “Stupid boy”

Let me know, how's it feel To be under my skin, wrapped around my heart Is it like anywhere you've been? And everything I do, I do it just for you So why the hell don't you love me? Why the hell don't you need me like I need you? Are you so far above me? Don't you know that there's nothing I wouldn't do? But I was just a toy, which you destroyed Stupid boy I have been looking in, trying to read your mind Give you the benefit of the doubt, every single time And then you walk right by, I'm screaming out inside Why the hell don't you love me? Why the hell don't you need me like I need you? Are you so far above me? Don't you know that there's nothing I wouldn't do? But I was just a toy, which you destroyed Stupid boy What happens when you wake up, to see that you've lost? You take one look at me, 'cause that's what it cost. I was gonna be everything you need 'Cause you're everything to me 

No-homo and of course still so gay. Maybe about a girl who was just using her and didn’t have feelings for her or a girl scared of her feelings for Taylor? Very emo gay. Poor Tay.

                                   “Perfect have I loved”

If you love me, then I love you Swear by the freckles on the moon And maybe this will be enough I'd like to keep you till I'm old But if I can't, at least I'll know That, baby, perfect have I loved Do you remember the stupid things we used to do Before September stole me away from you? The time we got your truck stuck in the creek 'Cause, baby, roads weren't wild enough for you and me Saying...

I used to see you by the bridge we used to cross I found the feeling of trying to get lost You would smile that smile that I tried so hard to forget It's hard to light a fire that I still haven't put out yet

Love was all we knew And faith was growing on the vines Words were all we had And for one summer, you were mine Saying...

Very similar theme and possible timeline with this and “Tim McGraw” which I think is also about Lacey. Summer times and september? Lacey was 2 years older, this feels like a twin song to “Tim Mcgraw”. I think the timeline fits. Such a soft gay anthem, can’t get over it. Gender neutral.

                                     “Sugar”

What a thing to see What a thing to be What a perfect love, what a perfect home 'Cause every time she walks And every time she talks Is every time he knows what a perfect world he's living on But whenever he's gone and when she's all alone His heart goes out to her on the telephone And he says, "Sugar, how I love you How I think about you all the time" He calls her "Sugar" 'cause she's the sweetest thing Oh, she's the best thing he'll ever find With her midnight hair And with his favorite stare She's a southern belle, he's a rockout king When she looks around Oh, she knows she's found Such a perfect life, such a perfect thing

Oh, there's a reason for every season There's a change within the range of every heart But the reason and the season Seem to be right so far 

AAAAHHH. We all know in many songs Taylor steps into the perspective of the boy to sing about girls. It just hit me much after thinking about this, that she’s doing the same but for an entire song! At first I didn’t really think if its personal, but usually with Taylor it is even when she says its not, so its a strong possibility. SO GAY.  “ Oh, she's the best thing he'll ever find”, “Mine” parallel!!! Also, rockout king?? “king of my heart anyone?? Except in this case, Karlie isn’t the king. Lol. Who, pray say, is a musician?. She wrote it like that so no one would think its about her. GAY GAY. Lesbihonest.

                              “Sweet tea and gods graces”

Tire swings, summer dreams, honeysuckle on the breeze Whistle County creek Laying in the green grass, I was watching clouds pass Baby, you were watching me Cold barn struck bed, everything you said Slowly educating me I never had a lesson so sweet You can get high on a first kiss You can get by with sweet tea and God's graces You can love like a sinner and lose like a winner Nothing's shatterproof You can crash and burn and come back someone new And that's what I learned from you Autumn rain, window pane, looking how the leaves change Just like the two of us Still got your laugh, your ghost, your jacket Guess I loved you way too much But I'm a little smarter, my heart's a little harder But it's still soft enough to cry Cause I remember those times I remember.........

Saw you just the other day All that I could think to say was, "Hey, how have you been?" You caught me with that old smile Said, "It's really been a while, And I still think about back when.."

“Don’t blame me”, anybody? Getting high on kissing? Loving like sinners? Hmmmm. What do a lot of religious people call gay people again? Another song talking about summer. Lacey? Relating her experiences growing up christian with her queer relationships and feelings. Seems like she is very positive and accepting of her being gay and not struggling with religion in this, which is good. She said recently at a Rep secret sessions that she isn’t religious. Character development.

                                “Tell me”

It was something like a perfect start to This love yesterday but now who are you I thought I knew Your eyes how to know to look right through me It's like you forgot the words you whispered to me They weren't true It's like it wasn't you Could you tell me what did I do Because it can't be we're already through Did you sell me out for a fool After you held me is that just what you do What did you need from me Tell me Take time to realize I know That people change their minds But that was something I wished you would say To my face But you run away

If I had a reason or a simple goodbye Baby even a lie Yeah Yeah 

It seems to me to be about Taylor and a girl,  they had a nice night and then the girl got scared about her feelings and when into repression mode. She could be terrified of everything, including anyone finding out, her family, the idea of getting kicked out. So she decided to fully stop talking to Taylor or explain whats going on because she doesn’t trust being around Taylor. Just an idea. 

                                   “Ten dollars and a six pack” 

This is about a person Taylor was dating who was bad news and who wasn’t really faithful. It looks like Taylor broke up with her. Maybe Kelsey?

                                      “Matches”

I LOVE this. Gives me such “Picture to burn” vibes. I’m quite a slut for angry Taylor, sue me. “Truck on fire”, also reminds me of “Should’ve said no”. So maybe this is also about Kelsey? Badass song. 

                                         “That’s life”

“Love or lie, live or die I, well, I guess that's life”

That lyric caught my eye. Could be gay, not sure. Take it as you will.

                                 “Thinkin’ bout you”

I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you Your face jumped right in my way Like lately things do Oh, baby can’t you see The thought of you makes a mess of me I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you and now I I can’t walk straight, I can’t talk straight I can’t think about anything but the way It should be and it could be And till you come around again I will be Doing what I usually do Thinking about you I get lost when I drive around town Thinking about your smile I always end up on your side of town And I don’t know why There must be something under this hood That’s got a mighty strong liking to you I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you and lately

Your eyes are the color of the deep blue sea The one that I go swimming in every time you look at me

I walked into a chair today ‘Cause I was thinking about you...

Gay ass hilarious mess of a song! She really is a lesbian icon. I mean how much more relatable can she get?? She’s channeling Sappho with this. Hahahaha. Clearly she ain’t talking about a “straight” crush. LOL. “Gorgeous” anyone? Ocean blue eyes? Haha. The song form of too gay to function.

                            “Thirteen Blocks”

Beautiful. Sad. She’s driving to break up with someone but she’s uncertain and hesitant and sad about it. Very well-written. 

                         “This is really happening”

Beneath the chandelier of stars and atmosphere Tangled like the roots on the ground The windows opened up The wind is blowing and we're both not making a sound It’s like I’m melting on into you Give me a reason why we should ever move and Tell me You’ll never leave me and I’m not crazy and This is really happening That this is really happening Could this be better? You write me letters So you see me everyday You tend to treat me like My name is up in lights It really blows me away Lock me up in a dark room And I still can’t take my eyes off you 

All those kisses up against your car For all those wishes on planes We thought were stars Memories like photographs Oh Baby,Here we are 

Tell me You’ll always need me That I drive you crazy And this is really happening Oh,that this is really happening 

The softest gay anthem! The pickup truck under the stars seems familiar again, doesn’t it? About Lacey? Written probably before “Tim Mcgraw” because this is the start of the relationship. If about Lacey makes sense why she is so wonderstruck because this could be all new to her. “This love”(her queerness) is good and Its how she’s supposed to feel! 

                               “Til Brad Pitt comes along”

Do you remember the day I leaned up against your car And it started rolling down the street You screamed and ran after it And tried to open the door And it ran over your foot And I was too busy laughing on the ground to see. It would take Brad Pitt to leave you It takes five seconds to need you When I'm mad at all the lovebirds 'Cause they don't know to play our song I wish that pretty girls couldn't see you I wish that all your roads would lead you right to me 'Cause that's where you belong Until Brad Pitt comes along Do you remember the time we watched Carrie And you said it reminded you of me And I threw the remote at you And you said "my point exactly" And later on that night, under the neon city lights, You paid a homeless guy to sing a song to me. 

You call me lucky 'cause I lose everything But I swear I'd be careful with it If you gave me a ring

CUTE. Another funny song, amazing! Taylor as Carrie? Hahhaaha. Funny that in the chorus she says “Our song”. Maybe Lacey again? 

                          “We were happy”

When it was good baby, It was good baby We showed 'em all up No one could touch the way we Laughed in the dark Talking 'bout your daddy's farm We were gonna buy someday And we were happy

Subtle sneaking around? Gender neutral. 

                                         “What do you say”

What do you say, when you just know That he's the one, and you wanna go fast But he's taking it slow And what do you do, when he's next to you But he's a little bit shy Well here's something you can try Hey, hey what do you say We go walking down the river all together It's a warm May beautiful day And I feel like I could Talk to you forever With the sun shining bright It feels just like a day When everything's gonna go just right I know it will be a sweet memory For you and me someday What do you say? What do you see, when you look in his eyes There's something there That he can't disguise No matter how he tries And what do you feel, when you know its real And you can't sit still If you don't own up will yeah

My imagination's running away Just dreaming about What I want you to say

Another soft gay anthem! Taylor taking the lead because the other person is “shy”. *coughs*Gay. Adorable laughing in the end.

                              “Me and Britney” 

This song is about Taylor’s childhood and still current friend Britany Maack. She played this at the Bluebird cafe. She wrote this really young, probably 13.

                             “What to wear”

Sixteen blue jeans, Abercrombie T-shirt Shoes, purse, hair tied back And you should see her She's got her magic Floating through the air

She wrote this song so you aren’t sure if its about her or a story but usually she is writing personally even when she says she isn’t(”You are in love”). Boyfriend Taylor again. She sure loves t-shirts. 

                      “Who I’ve always been”

About her music career and hard work. Feisty Tay.

                         “You do”

She’s enamored with someone. “Boy, you got me like a shot to the heart Got me shakin' so bad, spilled my coffee in the car”.  These lyrics reminded me of “Getaway car” and the shakin’ lyric “dress” and “So it goes”. Just sayin’.

                           “Your anything”

I bet you lie awake at night Trying to make up your sweet mind Wondering if you'll ever find Just what you want A home-town number one Or a California loaded gun But you know you only get one Or that's what you thought But here's what you've got [Chorus:] I could be your favorite blue jeans With the holes in the knees In the bottom of the top drawer I could be your little beauty queen Just a little outta reach Or the girl living next door I'll be your angel giving up her wings If that's what you need I'd give everything to be your anything If you want hard to get If you want... All you have to do is let me know If you want a bumpy ride Or someone with a softer side Either one'll be alright Just let me know Cause this is where it goes 

It's not like I'm giving up who I am for you but for someone like you it's just so easy to do  

Massive crush Tay. But thats very normal for baby gaylor. She got it real bad. Hard to say if it’s unrequited or not, doesn’t really say. Tay, you don’t need to change yourself tho! Haha

                               “Your face”

I heard a song tonight on the radio Another girl sings about a boy Just sees his face in every space in every room And i know that if i turn around you won't be there If i close my eyes will you be there? I don't wanna lose your face And i don't wanna wake one day And not remember what time erased And i don't wanna turn around Coz i'm not scared Of what love gave me and took away And i don't wanna lose your face I've got a picture of you in my bedroom And i hope it never falls And i hope i never lose that feeling I used to get when you would call And now i wonder to myself Who were you and where are you? Were you ever here at all? 

That girl in the song had it so good I wish i could close my eyes and see you I wish the sky had your face And the oceans had your eyes And the sunset had your lips And i had you 

Clever, Swift! Talk about a girl and boy outside of your experience for comparison so everyone would assume she’s also singing about a boy but in actuality totally gender neutral! Nice. She wants the sunset to have this person(girls) lips? Not gay at all...

                                 “Wait for me”

Amazing anaylsis of this by @that-curly-haired-lesbian right here!

Finishing this long ass post just to further the point that her unreleased songs are fucking amazing and Gaylor Swift is a musical lesbian icon back then and of course still is! See you on the Gayside.

[oldwilshiregossip]

Halloween costumes! let's judge 'em!

OH, YES ! LET’S DO THAT !! since it’s a very long list, i’ll keep it under read more.

alex, alex, alex ! honey boo, sweetie, did you really think that costume wouldn’t be offensive to your downworlder friends, and especially to your friend alistair and your parabatai sera ? tsk tsk tsk. someone needs to think twice before doing something, i believe ? @alexravennightnot much comment on octavia, we all know it was the right decision to go as herself - she’s already scary, after all. @octaviawilliamsoni’m living for the fact that faye didn’t know who wonder woman was ?? someone, *cough cough* elena *cough cough* will get a punch on their face at the end of the night, huh ? @fayeliightwoodtessa !! wore !! a !! hot !! costume !! smoking hot, to be exact. call the news, y’all, she was brave with that one. did we ever see her without flowery dresses or jeans ? anyone ? @tessawxllacedelilah owns my heart, my body, and my soul with that costume because she looks ?? like she’s an angel who decided to grant us with her beautiful and badass look ? kick my ass, please. @vampiredelilahsILAS ! honestly, i’m not even disturbed by him talking about how handsome he is because he indeed IS ! loved the costume, though i agree with leo at some point - the hair kind of makes him look like a retired marathon runner. also, i’ve bursted out laughing at that comment. sorry s. @silasnightcrossDAMN elena, back at it again with your inner sexy, dark side ! i’ll start a petition for you - stop. with. the. flowery. dresses ! you need a new style, and i’m pretty sure your vampire daddy would appreciate that, like, a lot. @valiiantsMOTHERFUCKING ANNIE FOWLER, AM I RIGHT, GENTLEMEN ? i mean… girls and boys, better be quick to capture her heart or imma steal your girl. @gdianniefowleri’m literally sobbing because of stella’s outfit because i didn’t even realize that was all i needed in this life ? same for the seelie queen since they dressed up the same - let all the redheads dress up as poison ivy, y’all. we need that. and let me tell you, i’ll never get bored of that. @stella-marshall @seelxequeenalistair and august are THAT couple. they didn’t even wear a costume yet they’re still the hottest duo ?? tell me your secret, gentlemen. @augustzhao @alistairxhayesrory is one of my faves as well, just… how cute she is ?? no, i’m not crying, you are. i wish she had the rest of the scooby gang around. please protect that pure bean. @trcnsfcrmativei’ve never thought wednesday addams could look… this hot ?? i shouldn’t be surprised, though. it’s cassandra, after all. @forshcdcwedUMM YES ?! MORE KICKASS LADIES ? i love helena’s outfit and i’d sell my soul, my kidney, and my first born child for her to dress up like that more. @hcvenbcrn*very very loud sigh* i only have two words for miss ravenscar’s outfit - i’m gay. @carsonravenscarkick. my. ass. the biggest yes to katerina because she looks awesome ! damn girl, how did you find the perfect costume ? give me some tips because you’re officially my role model. @sxrenssongwow did i just say that i was gay ? i’m suddenly more bi than ever. boys and girls, there’s a new cowboy in town. max could kill me with his gun and i’d come back from the dead just to thank him. @maximuspolarisare we sure amara is a fae ? she looks like an angel to me and i’m blessed. our girls are so so so pretty, can we cry about it for a minute, please ? @amaraoftheseaGASPS lilian ?? another gal who dressed up as herself for halloween. come on, y’all. we all knew that she was a goddess ! @lilianwardokay, hi, call the emergency because i’m dying from excitement. i want to see eris walking around as black canary ! immediately ! and please, let her bump into azaran on her way to kick my ass. maybe they could team up and kill me ? i promise, i would be more than okay with it. @erisofthesea @fey-bladedtwo words: arrest. me. hey @zeke-collinsworth​ , officer, i was going to report a robbery. you, sir, just stole my heart ! honestly, just team up with your parabae and arrest me, please. fastest man alive ? more like the prettiest man alive. i love that preston still keeps that flash costume !! and i. love. you. preston. he’s so adorable with that costume, lest be honest. @prestonravennighti’m living for all the comic book ladies, andromeda and amalthea, girlies, you’re doing amazing. @amaltheawallace  @andrcmedaluxokay, we’ve seen a shadowhunter who has angel blood in her veins dress up as a demon and NOW a warlock who has demon blood is dressing up as an angel ? y’all, this is the best halloween ever ! a big fat thank you to celeste for blessing my eyes. @celestedevereauxboys boys boys, stop giving me a heart attack, huh ? finn, you’ve surprised me with that costume but in a very, very good way ! and i’m pretty sure one certain lady is loving it, too. @finnxgan-wjulian ? my sweet boy ? the cutest to ever cute ? the PERFECT costume choice you did there, bud, i love it ! you could dress up as spider-man every day, honestly, i wouldn’t mind it. @julianalvxrezhelloo, okay, am i talking to the casting directors of dceu ? yes, great, ok, CAST ANGEL CARSTAIRS AS THE CATWOMAN OR I. SWEAR. TO. GOD. sighs, ok, i’m fine. but... okay, not really i’m SHAKING can angel just date me already ? @angeliquestormis there anyone i’ve missed ? let me know !!

[gascon-en-exil]

The interminable generation war of the Pokémon fandom is not something I’m inclined to wade into, not least because I am one of those strange individuals who play the games in part for their stories and worldbuilding. As reliably underwhelming as those attributes of any given game in this franchise may be, it’s nonetheless evident that Gamefreak puts some effort into elements of the franchise that aren’t competitive tournaments or Battle <name of building>s or gimmicky mini games. Sometimes. 

As such, in the spirit of my modest contributions to the FE and Zelda fandoms on this blog and as further proof that I am capable of judging aspects of video games aside from the desirability and inferred sexual prowess (or lack thereof) of their men, here follows my current opinions on each of the regions of the main series...so nothing about Orre or those Ranger spin-offs or whatever. And yes -  regions rather than generations, so the remakes will be grouped with their originals.

So. Very. Blaaaand. As with Archanea from Fire Emblem and the NES Zelda games I can respect the historical significance of the Kanto games; hell, unlike FE and Zelda I was actually following the series back when RBY were in their prime...and yet they are so unremarkable. Kanto feels utterly devoid of distinctive personality despite appearing in all of the first four generations, and even today there’s really nothing I can say about it beyond the relatively realistic villain team and the emphasis on modernization in contrast to Johto. Supposedly, anyway...it’s more like Kanto cares less about historical preservation which I suppose is probably the closest these games comes to commenting upon the real world inspiration for the region. Combine this with a contentious roster of Pokémon - some are great and still hold up today, some are meh, and almost all of them get disproportionate amounts of exposure and new toys in later generations, for better or worse - and an infamously loud fanbase wearing some very thick nostalgia goggles and you’ve got a setting I have no interest in revisiting. I absolutely wouldn’t put another round of remakes past GF, though 

(But having the protagonist and his rival hook up in their later years was a nice twist.)

Not much more developed than its predecessor, but the Johto games benefit immensely from throwing in Kanto as a bonus (sort of) postgame region, both for the aforementioned contrast and for the additional content. Sure, the level curve is kind of screwy, the Pokémon could be better (Johto has my least favorite starter line-up, for instance), and Kanto feels half-formed in Gen II, but it’s not bad for what it is. I like that these games are set three years after the first ones, in that it conveys a sense of the passage of time - something that would only get more vague as the series progressed. I’m not much interested in the nods to Japanese culture and folklore strewn throughout Johto, but at least the region is identifiably Japanese. Also, the implementation of elements like a day/night cycle and days of the week appeal to me, even if in practice they’re more annoying than anything else. And I know the entire internet agrees with me, but HGSS did substantially more for Johto and Kanto than FRLG did for Kanto. That’s kind of sad, honestly.

While I’m bringing up remakes, I would however like to disagree with most of the internet and say that ORAS were good remakes - good enough to where I could actually finish Alpha Sapphire when the original left me so unimpressed that I actually stopped playing the series outside remakes until Gen VI. The beloved Battle Frontier (which doesn’t seem all that interesting? Someone explain the appeal of this thing to me) may be missing and you can’t re-challenge gym leaders and various other things you can only do in Emerald, but on the flip side the story development is much improved and better paced - yay for convenient cutscene warping - and the Delta Episode provides a decent postgame capstone. What’s more, Hoenn is absolutely beautiful in the remakes, looking as lush and tropical as it ought to and no longer bogged down with water routes that are a slog to traverse or much backtracking. Soaring is a wonderful addition as well that shows off the region and cuts down on HM usage, and the DexNav is excellent for reducing the tedium of catching them all (or some approximation thereof when stupid things like event legendaries and untradeable-on-GTS version exclusives still exist).

I haven’t even mentioned the villain teams. I know full well that Tumblr is ahead of me on this one, but they are so gay. I picked up the gayer version with Matt outright professing his love for men (somewhat ruined when you consider that he’s talking to a ten-year-old...ick), but via extensive research *ahem* I’ve learned that Omega Ruby has its moments too and that Teams Magma and Aqua are best enjoyed as a pair. Their goals may be patently stupid, but they all learn something at the end of the day and can go home and have an orgy together. I haven’t even mentioned the Steven/Wallace subtext one of my mutuals cued me into, which is sweet revenge indeed for Emerald fanboys whining for years about femme Wallace with his predictable team becoming champion in that game. It’s enough altogether for me to forgive the game for constantly teasing Brendan/May - because obligatory heterosexual romance doesn’t have to wait for a little thing like puberty.

The only region for which I can’t really give a full assessment. I started a playthrough of Platinum on emulator, but the game felt so slow and clunky that after the second gym (which I’ve read is an especially dull and pace-breaking stretch) I couldn’t bring myself to play any more. I’ve watched speedruns and video reviews of this game, and they’ve only confirmed my initial opinion and caused me to hope that most of Sinnoh’s copious issues will be addressed in the inevitable remakes. The over-reliance on HM slaves (poor Bidoof...), unintuitive region layout, periods of severe environmental slowdown in the form of marshlands and deep snow, and other factors do not appeal to me at all, and while I know Platinum fixed this particular problem I assume that the Diamond and Peal remakes will not have to contend with a limited roster as they did. The characters could do with some work as well: Barry seriously needs to calm down, I still don’t know how to feel about Fantina (will she be Kalosian? What about in the Japanese and French versions where she’s apparently from an English-speaking country?), and Cyrus really doesn’t work as the charismatic leader he’s built up to be. Say what you will about the Hoenn villain teams or Team Flare having idiotic goals, but at least I can say what those are. I still got nothing on Team Galactic caring about Prof. Rowan’s evolution research or stealing energy or what have you. Sinnoh is severely in need of a second - or third, I suppose - draft. 

Confirming that Volkner and Flint are a couple would also be nice. Just throwing out ideas.

When I downloaded White and Black 2 for emulator I didn’t expect to be very impressed by these games. Unova is the MURICA FUCK YEAH region, as we all know, and I shouldn’t have to point out to my regular followers that that fact alone would be enough to unfavorably prejudice me against the place. And yet, in spite of that, it works for me. A big part of that is that Louisiana is absent from this loose celebration of the US as interpreted by Japan; there’s an oil baron dressed like a cowboy, a Californian or Hawaiian surfer bro, a gay (or straight hipster, hard to tell these days) artist with a loft gym in Castro the Village Castelia City, a Southern mammy for some casual racism that was actually too casual for international release, counterparts to Coney Island, Broadway, Hollywood, and American sports, and numerous Pokémon like the Trubbish and Vanillite* lines inspired by the shallow consumerism that passes for culture in the US, but nothing representing my own stubbornly French state. I’m actually warier about the bizarre attempts to insert bits of medieval and early modern Europe into the region via PETA-by-way-of-the-Knights-Templar (what) Team Plasma and the trio quartet of legendaries based on les Trois Mousquetaires. Did whoever came up with those not get the memo about where the series was going next?

With that said, although I’m not as enamored with N as some people his characterization was if nothing else a step up from anything that had come before. While Ghetsis and Plasma make no damn sense aesthetically until the sequels they are intimidating villains who raise serious questions about how humans treat Pokémon...that are naturally never considered in their full complexity because friendship or something. As I stated with Johto I do like the sequel model of region development since we get to see how Unova has changed over two years. I also appreciate the season mechanic that only appears in these games for lending some variety to the geography, though in execution it’s kind of a pain.

*But hey, I’m thankful at least that this is I think the only region that lets you catch (decent) Ice types before lategame. I will absolutely take the ice cream with a face.

Perfect, or rather just imperfect enough to perfectly capture the essence of France and its culture in this silly world of fantasy cockfighting. Unashamedly biased I may be, but as Kalos gets a lot of hate online I feel the need to push back against popular opinion a bit. X and Y were in my opinion the first games where GF really went all in on characterizing a region, because everything from the preoccupation with aesthetics (Character customization! Dog Furfrou grooming! Petting and pampering your Pokémon! Meticulously kept jardins à la française! Serious philosophical discussions on the fleeting nature of beauty! Team Flare...ok, never mind, they’re kind of dumb) to the discerning restaurant culture to the general ambivalence toward glorious and gloriously wasteful institutions like monarchy and their lavish châteaux feels so familiar to me. And how could I forget the Fairy type, a type tailor-made to vex the sort of posturing bro gamer sorts who somehow maintain their bro-ness while openly playing Pokémon. Could any region but Kalos have delivered that so beautifully? Well, now that I think about it, are the Japanese aware that the French are characterized as feminine in the English-speaking world? Regardless, I could go on, but this post is long enough as it is.

As I said before, Kalos isn’t entirely without flaw. Team Flare might be a hair less ridiculous than Team Galactic, but that isn’t saying much. The troupe of rivals, such as they are, aren’t much better, and others like Sycamore and most of the gym leaders are woefully underutilized. The Kalos Pokédex is overstuffed, and while I enjoy its subdivision into three regions that not-so-coincidentally recreate the Tricolore it is nevertheless a pain for those who like to fill up the Dex as they go along in a game. The developers were still clearly learning how to deal with the camera in a 3D space as is evident in certain areas like Lumiose, and certain features like the roller skates are awkward to use. Not the Exp Share, though - call me a lazy casual, but that thing makes team-building so much easier and actually incentivizes doing so rather than just relying on one overleveled Pokémon with good coverage to solo everything. Oh, and we never got a Pokémon Z, or more importantly an extension of the map that would include southern France. Poké-Gascogne, please, Game Freak.

Really, it’s hard for me to criticize X and Y because I quickly come back to everything I love about the place. I’m actually replaying X right now, inspired as I was by this project and lacking anything else to play before USUM comes out next month. Speaking of which...

I may not have any personal attachment to Hawaii, but I have to give GF serious props for taking the best gameplay and worldbuilding elements of Kalos and replicating them on an even greater scale. Alola is a vibrant and extensively-realized setting for a game, and I’m not even taking into account that we’ll be getting an AU version of it or something like that in the upcoming games. Sun and Moon fascinate on their own with their deep characterizations that touch on such surprisingly dark topics as child abuse (in a variety of forms) and the failure of community and, er, social programs, or whatever you’d call the Island Trial and the whole sending-ten-year-olds-out-to-enslave-wild-animals thing this universe has going on. 

There aren’t really any duds in the cast, either: Kukui is drool-worthy, Guzma and the rest of Team Skull are thoroughly silly and also thoroughly sad, most of the kahunas and trial captains are entertaining in their own ways (special props go to Nanu, Kiawe and his hiker boyfriend, and Acerola the fallen aristocrat who’s entirely too perky about it), Lusamine is a demented mother figure so of course I find her compelling, and Hau...taught me what a malasada is? It’s basically a Portuguese beignet, from the sound of things. Lillie is the real star however, and I don’t understand why some fans criticize the games for making the story more about her than about the player character. One of the biggest drawbacks of silent protagonists, and especially silent protagonists that never emote, is that it’s difficult for them to be a part of character-driven storylines, and in a first for the series unless you count N in BW Sun and Moon are exactly that kind of story. Lillie gets a voice and a distinct place in the world and in the lives of the other major players in the narrative, and she has a development arc that follows along with but stands independent from the standard one followed by this protagonist and all others in this series. Meanwhile, the player character...is from Kanto, and is Kukui’s cousin, and Kukui is probably fucking their mother. That’s pretty much it.

I’m a little less enamored with the Ultra Beast plotline as it’s a little too sci-fi for me, and Aether’s presence and purpose in Alola feels unexplored, but there’s still a chance that USUM may woo me on either score. I’m fairly indifferent on the Mega Evolution vs. Z-Moves argument, and I can take or leave Alolan forms - except Ninetales *pets* - but SM made one substantial gameplay improvement I absolutely adore and will hate to see be removed from future games: ride Pokémon. No more HM slaves, yay! Compound that with surfing between islands and some new areas and they’ve sold me on the next games. If the story is as radically different as trailers seem to be promising I can only hope that it’ll be just as engaging as the first time around.

So, if I had to provide a tl;dr by dint of a simplified ranking, it’d probably go as such:

Kalos > Alola > Hoenn = Unova > Johto > Kanto = Sinnoh

I’d expect Sinnoh to get bumped up a few notches in remake form, but otherwise that’s about right.

[docholligay]

Can/t

@rhiorhino‘s commission for this month! After the cat fic, she asked for McCree, who I haven’t written much before, but now...kinda feel like I could do some stuff with. This fic takes place directly after A Tragedy in Four Acts, the rest of the universe is here.    You can find me on patreon or my ko-fi! Comments welcomed!

There are things a man can do, and things a man can’t do.

“Come on, Jesse! Boys aren’t going to dance with themselves, now are they?”

Her laugh still echoed through his mind, sitting alone in his room at the Talon base, and he could feel her pulling at the arm he used to have.

There had been an unspoken rule about the lines between Blackwatch and Overwatch proper, and the instant Tracer had gotten the slightest hint McCree liked men, all of that had gone out the window, as she told him, hopping with excitement, that he had to come out to the club with her. Tracer was never very good at remembering the rules that had been made for her, and less good when they were directly posted.

“Did you know I’m gay as well? I’ll show you best place to go dance, it’s me little secret, but I’d share.”

Like either of those things were any kind of real secret.

He had never been to a gay bar, had never so much as kissed another man, but from what little he knew of Tracer, he knew not to mention that.

That seemed a lifetime away now.

He ran his fingers along the edge of the tattered photograph. He could see his own nervousness in his smile, and hear the babbling brook of Tracer’s mouth as she described what an absolutely brilliant wingwoman she was, and that it was her life’s only goal to get him a number tonight. That paisley shirt of hers was hideous. She did nothing but talk all night, and pulled him onto the dance floor when he got disheartened.

He’d had a wonderful time. She’d made him feel relaxed, and welcome.

And he’d killed her tonight.

There were things a man could do, that he didn’t know he could.

The gun had responded with its familiar vigor to the pressure of his finger, and he had half-expected her to blink away, just out of range. That was what she did. That was her gift, her talent, the whole reason she’d been recruited by Jack in the first place, to hear Gabe tell it, as he gave a brief tour of the facilities within Overwatch, an organization that he did and did not belong to, all at once.

But she hadn’t. She’d been staring at something, and the connection of the bullet to her gut caught her off guard. Jack would have yelled at her for that. She’d gasped, and she’d looked right at him, and McCree knew that, in her last moments, she had known who killed her. Her mouth had silently formed his name, as he disappeared into the darkness.

He hadn’t stuck around to watch her die.

There were some things a man couldn’t do, that he didn’t know he couldn’t.

He tossed the photo onto the side table, avoiding her wide brown eyes, and scooped to pick his cat off the ground.

Billy purred and rubbed against McCree’s stubble, as if he wasn’t a traitor at all.

Traitor was a hard word, now. McCree didn’t even know what it meant to be one. The collapse of Overwatch, Blackwatch, any watch at all had been hard on all of them, and even if Gabe was different now...he was still the family McCree had. The Deadlock gang had always been a loose association of criminals and ne’er do wells, as Yael had put it, laughing astride her horse. They were good enough to work with, but by their natures most of them avoided close associations.

“I ain’t your mommy, Jesse.” Yael had told him once. “We do the job that needs doing, and I pay you, an any crisis of conscience you have is between you and the God you do or don’t believe in.”

Yael had given Jesse a lot of things, but a shoulder to cry on wasn’t one of them. Overwatch had been different.

“She tried to be my friend, Bill, an I killed her,” it felt strangely good to say, not with any emotion, just to spit out the poison inside him, “I don't know what I'm doing anymore.”

It should have felt better, knowing he was a success, knowing that he was an important part of the team, and that he’d done well. And he and Tracer had barely talked in the years since Overwatch had fallen apart. Gabe--Reaper now, McCree guessed, as the world had changed--had clapped him on the shoulder and told him he’d succeeded where some of the deadliest people in the world had failed.

McCree tried not to laugh when he looked straight at Widowmaker as he said it.

There were things only some men could do.

Maybe it was right, finally laying any piece of Overwatch to rest for him. There was no going back now that he’d killed Tracer, if there had ever been a chance of him going back at all. With Ana Amari’s daughter at the helm alone, McCree had a feeling that overwhelming forgiveness was not going to be the order of the day.

Butch, jealous of his brother’s attentions, pawed at McCree’s leg. Widowmaker and Sombra had looked at him a bit sideways when he’d moved the cats in, though he didn’t know what a woman who didn’t seem to be able to hit the broad side of the enemy lately and a woman with a teddy bear in her room had to say about anything. Maybe it was that Reper had let him do it at all.

Little did they know, the man who Reaper used to be, and maybe still was, somewhere, had given him Billy in the first place. Gabe had been a good man, observant but not pushy, and he’d seen McCree’s loneliness and filled it with a cat broken in just the same way he was.

“You didn’t cut the cat’s leg off, did ya?”

“Jesse.”

He laughed at the memory, in the hospital room, and then frowned as he remembered--Tracer had been there, too, with a poorly constructed bouquet made of corn nuts, Marlboros, Coors, and other “cowboy things...innit?”

He had been at the edge, but the others had still shown him more kindness than he deserved.

And maybe that kindness was how he ended up here at all. He saw patches of the old Gabe, from time to time, the one who kicked back in his chair and laughed, the one who loved to sew and tell bad jokes, the one who’d given him a chance, the one who sat in bars with Jack and Ana and reinhardt, and you could hear them teasing each other from the other end of the room.

Even when the UN started to get on Overwatch’s back, they had each other.

Then Ana was killed, and it all began to go wrong. Jack blamed Gabe. Gabe blamed Jack. Reinhardt blamed no one at all, except himself. And then the explosion.

But Jack was alive, in a way, and Gabe was alive, sort of, and McCree half expected Ana to pop up out of the ground, even if she had been dead 7 years. Maybe that would fix it all.

“Careful how you place your loyalties, Jess.” Yael had told him.

There were things a man couldn’t do, that he probably should have.

McCree kissed the top of his cat’s heads, and got up. Stewing in his room wasn’t going to make him feel any better about what he’d had to do--he was a member of Talon now, whatever his reasons for joining might have been, and he’d done what he was supposed to do. Tracer had been a problem for them since before Reaper had even been a part of Talon. Doomfist had brought her closest to breaking, but she’d crawled back to her feet, ready to fight again. It had been McCree who finally put her down, and he was owed a drink.

So he wandered down the hall from his room to the kitchen, and pulled a beer from the fridge, cracking it open against the countertop in a satisfying motion. The chance to get alone in talon wasn’t as great as it might have been, and even now Sombra was probably watching him, having found that the greatest telenovela she knew was everything that happened under the roof of the base.

It was good he’d been taught to keep his thoughts to himself.

Reaper would want them to attack Overwatch soon. There was an unspoken rule, about a chance for recovery, but Reaper wouldn’t leave it too long. Not with Tracer dead,  not with the upheaval it would cause. They’d be weak for the first time since McCree had joined up with Talon. Winston, at least, would be nearly useless for awhile, if not Mercy too. It was a rare chance.

That was the benefit of Talon, if you could call it that. That’d never happen here. They’d all be ready to fight the next day, if you fell.

His boys would miss him though, and not have anyone to take care of them, and that was reason enough to avoid death altogether.

That was how he’d been taught to live in the Deadlock Gang, that every day you ran the risk, and the risk was part of the game, and if someone lost the game, the rest of you still had to play, no questions asked. Yael and Jacinta saw to that, even if privately he sometimes saw the slightest emotion in the corner of their eyes when they buried someone, each whispering a prayer from something that defined them and seemed a contradiction, all at once.

“The verse is ‘ya shall not murder,’ Jesse,” Yael reined her horse nearer to her as they headed to the stable. “Killin’ ain’t the same. I ain’t never killed no one who didn’t have it comin.’ Never did a murder.”

McCree wondered if he had. Probably, his conscience said.

Or if Yael was just talking out her ass after all, trying to make the life she already lived fit the morals she believed she had. He’d seen a lot of that, in his life, of people convincing themselves they were living right, whatever backbend of personal logic that took. McCree didn’t do that, not anymore, and that was a thing he could live with. Just being a bad man was better than being a bad man convinced he was good.

That was a thing he couldn’t do.

This life had given him a lot of things, but it had never given him any kind of security. He’d had boyfriends, since that night Tracer took him out, and she did keep her promise--he’d gotten a man’s number, even if it didn’t come to much, but he’d never had anything lasting or real, and he wasn’t sure if the fault was the job, or within himself. Maybe just being the kind of man who could kill an old teammate wasn’t the best lead-in for a date.

“We are the things that we do, and there ain’t no runnin from that.” Yael hadn’t looked up at him as she said it.

He thought he knew why, now. There was no running from his past, from who he was, from who he’d been since he was rescued from poverty as a gawky teenager. This was who he was, and he had to ride this train to the end. Any chance to split the track off he’d fucked up or otherwise ignored, and that was a fact. He was lucky enough to have what he had, rather than being six feet under already.

He took another deep drink from his beer, and tapped a cigarette out of the pack.

“What do you mean, she survived!?” Reaper’s voice came creeping down the hallway, and McCree snapped up his head to listen.

“Oh, is my English poor?” Widowmaker purred with delight. “Or do you doubt Sombra?”

There are things a man can do, and things a man can’t do.

[cyclone5000]

I was inspired to ask you this question because of the ccs content you've been reblogging (love that show btw). So as far as I know Japan is not a very gay friendly country, certainly not as friendly as some people believe. The MalexMale and FemalexFemale content is marketed to specific groups and usually shows them in ways that are kind of demeaning, like having one of the males being touched against his will (like full blown raped in some cases) by his future lover. (to be continued)

So my question is, how come Sailor Moon and Card Captor Sakura were able to get away with showing Gay couples in their shows (and well developed, healthy gay couples at that) back in the 90s? It was censored in America but Japan didn’t seem to have a problem with it, and as far as I know both shows were mainstream shows in Japan and marketed to large groups, not like Yuri and Yaoi normally are. Is it just cause they were side characters? Any chance you know the answer to this question?

uhhhh tbh I don’t know if there is a right answer to this…I’m unsure if I’m the one who can provide one at least. 

I’m not that well versed in this kind of stuff. And I’ll be honest, I’m little confused by this ask…I’ll answer it as best as I can. But, I’m just gonna tell you right off the bat that  this is 100% my speculation. Don’t take this as a serious answer :x 

With the way this kind of question is worded…it sounds like you’re comparing the same sex couples in SM and CCS to yaoi and yuri genres? And if that’s the case…well…your answer is right there… you’re basically comparing magical girl anime to pornography….

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Japan is definitely not an LGBT friendly place. But, the adult industry is all about fantasizing to the point of fetish-sizing. It is purposely formulaic. Why? Because a kink is marginally easier to sell than a person. And this is something that can be applied to international adult markets. Ever notice how there are several categories on porn sites, but no real variety within the category’s content?  Yeah that’s no coincidence. Adult entertainment is not about reinventing the wheel, they follow the patterns that are known to work.

Yaoi and Yuri definitely are applied this notion. I think the fact that it’s animanga further allows readers to detach it from reality. Like in the case with the yaoi genre, a huge premise behind it’s creation is ‘forbidden romance’ and its after effects. Caste systems, falling in ‘love’ with someone who you can’t have, power dynamics, the whole ‘i’m not gay but you did this one thing to me and now i can’t forget how incredible it made me feel and so i’m confused until this story reaches a conclusion’–all of this and more get cranked out to the extreme because it sells this romanticized POV of Taboo. 

It’s kind of a no brainer to see how incredibly inaccurate these genres are at depicting actual same sex relationships. But the whole point of the genre is…well not to. I’m not saying that it’s a good thing or anything. (I think a major issue within the adult industry and pornographic material is how unregulated it is in favor of it turning out a profit. Studies have show that people wind up believing what porn shows because of their lack of sex education…but adult industries don’t feel pressured to cared about that really…which does have a negative impact…lol i wrote a paper about this once).

I know bc of the nature of the Internet and stuff, Yaoi/Yuri is often lumped together with regular mlm and wlw love stories. Yes, you’ll find some sense of similarities on how sexual these stories can be. But I think there there is a major difference in yaoi vs shonen ai or yuri vs shoujo ai. And that difference boils down what kind of story the author wants to tell. And what kind of impression the author wants to leave in their reader’s minds. 

Which I’ll transition to SM and CCS now. These series had a specific story in mind, and in order to tell that story; the author(s) made conscious decisions to have characters and couples to display it. I don’t think that they ‘got away’ with anything. In the case with these two shows, in order to display themes and other elements of their fictional verse, they created gay characters to illustrate them in ways the other cast members couldn’t.  The gay and lesbian characters/moments weren’t just added in without consideration. They were an integral part to the plot. They had purpose. And with that in mind, they were created.  The reason why they are good and healthy depictions of relationships is because of the actual format of the genre. These are magical girl stories. The priority is telling a good story. I don’t think they were just token characters, they were woven into the plot extremely well. And if you have a well written character, that’s gonna have a way better impact than a ill written one. 

There was a lot of effort and care put into both of these series. That’s why they left a strong impact that’s still prevalent today. I don’t know too much about Japanese culture and stuff. Under my assumption, I don’t think they are focused on LGBT representation. It was the 90′s. It was rare to find anyone that pushed for proper representation right, hell it’s still rare in present day!  But even if it’s not a primary acceptance for the culture as a whole, for one reason or another, it was impertinent  to the authors. That’s why they made them, that’s why they were weaved into the story. Japan is known for its subtlety. These characters were homosexual, but it was quiet. No one was blunt about it at least. These could be factors of why it was broadcasted as widely as it was. idk for sure, but my gut does tell me that it was a  positive if anyone did oppose of it. 

Like, with SM, I couldn’t tell you what Takeuchi had in mind while conceiving the story…If I’m not mistaken. I believed she made the first ark and was pretty okay with it. But when she gained popularity she was asked to create more, and thus made four more SM series. If the publishing company is asking her to continue her story…chances are they’re gonna let her draw/write what she wants. SM was already a running series by the time Haruka and Michiru came about. That whole ark was specifically about the talismans they held. Takeuchi might have had her own reasons for writing a romance between them, but I personally don’t know what they are. If that’s what she wanted though, that’s what she was gonna do. If the story is good enough to pull in sales and readers, then it’s okay. I can’t remember if there was a big uproar about it. I don’t think there was at least. 

CCS is a little different seeing as it was created by CLAMP and a different publisher. CLAMP in of itself have always been kinda progressive. I mean, within this series alone…one of the big themes is love and memory. Specifically how those two things are so different person to person. I know that tumblr and other social media likes to comment about the gay couples in the show (I don’t blame them lol), but sometimes it’s easy to forget some of the…not so easy to accept romances in the show. There were a lot of romantic feelings between students and teachers. Most of them having a large age difference between them. There were some things that crossed over family lines too. Their push for risky romance, did not stop at just same-sex couples. It was all across the board. CLAMP has always been one of those authors teams that pushed ‘there are many versions of love and just bc you don’t like it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t exist’ mindset. Even if people didn’t agree with the message, it didn’t stop or deter them from their success. And again…I feel like if I was a publisher…and I had a material for long running success…I’d take it lol. CCS had a lot of promise. 

Hell, look at YO/I rn. The author was always straightforward about Victor and Yuuri being a couple. And they got it through to completion. Why? Because the story was good enough to win people over. I know that sounds like a simple answer to such a complicated issue (it’s really hard getting variety and representation in animanga) but if the team believes in a project, and there is promise in its creation…there is history of studios caving in and allowing it to get created. And this isn’t just for gay love stories. It goes for a bunch of different things…like, look up how Cowboy Bebop’s concept got created! It makes me laugh every time i think about it XD That is like a prime example of someone getting to make what they want and the result being outstanding. all bc the publisher didn’t care so long as they got one thing correct.

BUT I don’t know for sure. It’s not like I’m able to find direct interviews with the authors of SM and CCS. I don’t know what they were actually thinking when creating their stories. Or why they specifically designed the characters the way they did. 

But the same sex couples in these series will almost always be better than say other stories in the yaoi/yuri genres. And that’s just simply due to writing. The authors made characters to fit within their worlds. They didn’t just create characters that had slight variations of the same exaggerated animanga tropes. 

It’s kinda sad when I think about it. mlm stories are being catered to the female gaze while wlw stories are being created for men….why? bc according to publisher, those are the demographics that will purchase these works…I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think that a lot of people have their preferences and types–but no one is gonna reject a truly good story! lol, even if there are gems within the same sex genres, make so mistake. They can be really hard to find.

I’m not Japanese. Hell I’m Indian-American. That’s like the double opposite of Japanese LOL. For SM and CCS, I don’t know what are the priorities for these publishing studios were. I’m just guessing that it’s success/numbers and thus they allowed for the story to take flow naturally. I don’t know for sure though. I could be completely wrong here. I’d urge you to try and find the answer elsewhere, I’m actually not like a super-fan about these kinds of shows :x hell I don’t really read yaoi or yuri anymore…

but I hope this at least created some kind of stepping stone for you to seek out the proper answer to your question. ^^’ sorry I wasn’t more help. 

[derevosky]

part 2 of tinkerlu’s jearmin roadtrip au

So. we begin with a cute blond boy in his dumb pjs (like, his pj pants are like, some weird science themed shit like. hanji probably got them for him as a present and he wasn’t planning on wearing them EVER but then he needed clean pjs one night so he just wore them and then he realized they were SUPER comfortable so he kept wearing them through the years u feel me, and the shirt is just some guy’s shirt…IT’S JEANS. HE”S WEARING JEAN’S SHIRT AS HIS PJ TOP YO YO YO) OH MY GOD OK ANYWAYS so, there is the blond cutie in his jammy-jams and he’s sitting eating some frosten flakes and he’s TEXTing a BOY. THAT BOY IS HIS BOYFRIEND. JEAN. ;) ;) ;) AND THIS HOW IT GO Armin: Jean are you up yet? Jean: YRo Jean: UES Jean: YES. helps sort. Jean: *HELLO. SORRY Armin: Why not just turn autocorrect off??? Jean: something’s it’s a good thong! Jean: GOOD THONG Jean: THONG Armin: Calm down there cowboy. Jean: spry. Jean: SORRY UGH Jean: so ur excited for roasts? Jean: EXCITED FOR TONIGHT ARE U EXCITED? Armin: Well it’s always nice to see you so I guess so, yeah! Jean: WHAt’s what the hesitance there boi, cmoe on give papa sum sugar Armin: Please never text me that again… Jean: sorry Armin: By the way, you know that shirt you left here when you came over last week? The one you spilled sauce on and I said I’d put it in the wash? Jean: yes yes yes ME CAPTAIN AMEIACA SHIRT Armin: I’m wearing it. Jean: OIDMFOGFMGEOIGHOUAMODT GO O AWYA DOn’T TEXT ME WEIRD THINGS ARMIN I HATE YOU WHY WUDL U Armin: IT’S NOT A WEIRD THING I WAS JUST LETTING YOU KNOW! Jean: NO UR NOT U LITTLE ASS u WERE TRYING TO< YOU TOOK THE pAUSES YOU ASSHOEL, I”M SITTING RIGHT NEXTTO MY MOM DON’T SAY WEIRD THINGS Armin: JEAN IT WASN’T THAT WEIRD IT’S JUST A SHIRT OH MY GOD CALM THE FUCK DOWN!!!! Jean: AER YOU WEARING PANTS??? OR SJUT. THE. AR EYOu. JUST THE SHIRT?????????? NO PANTSSS???? Armin: OH MY GOD OF COURSE I’M WEARING PANTS JUST. LET’S. I’LL SEE YOU TONIGHT OK. BYE. SO THEN ARMIN PUTS HIS PHONE DOWN AND HE’S BLUSHING BECAUSE. HE might have meant to make jean blush a bit at the comment but he didn’t think JEAN WOULD BE IMAGINING THAT HE WOULDN’T WEAR PANTS WITH THE SHIRT LIKE. WHAT?? JEAN WHAT THE FUCK OF COURSE HE’S WEARING PANTS. but then he’s like…does jean think about me like that a lot? BUT THEN he kind of like. slams his palm between his eyes a few times and he’s like STOP STOP STOP THAT’S A WEIRD THOUGHT PROCESS STOP THAT so then he keeps eating his cereal and his gpa comes down stairs and he’s like “hello my coconut grandchild boy” and armin’s like “sup pep-pep” and gpa arlert just like, gets some oatmeal or whatever old people eat and he goes and sits down and starts watching gossip girl or something. so armin leaves right and goes to take a shower and it’s a nice shower. SO THEN BAM. WHAT’S JEAN UP TO HUH. Jean is sitting next to his ma and we’re back in time now to the part where armin put down his phone and JEAN HAS NOW ALSO PUT DOWN HIS PHONE REALLY FAST MORE LIKE THREW HIS PHONE ON THE COFFEE TABLE and jean’s ma is like “JEAN WHAT THE FUCK YA DOIN?” and jean’s like "SORRY MA SORRY" but he’s blushing so hard because. HE JUST MADE AN IDIOT OUT OF HIMSELF LIKE. OF COURSE ARMIN WAS WEARING PANTS. IS HE STUPID??? OF COURSE HE WAS GOD. Jean just feels like such an idiot because FUCKING UGH. and his mom like is still looking at him and she’s like "were you texting that kid again?" jean’s ma knows what’s up "MOM DON’T SAY KID THAT SOUNDS. WEIRD"  and jean’s like, he doesn’t like talking about armin with his mom because his mom has a knack for embarrassing him about things "honey there ain’t nothing weirder than a son who doesn’t learn to lock his door while dangling his dangle after his ma has walked in on him 5 times, so don’t tell me that referrin to someone who’s the same age as my son as a ‘kid’ is weird" and ma just. ma just ALWAYS KNOWS. WHAT TO SAY. TO MAKE JEAN SHUT UP. so jean’s like "sorry ma." and ma’s like "good now, you going on a date tonight?" and jean blushes but nods because he can’t fuckin lie to ma she’s not a dumbass. and she smiles cause she don’t care if her son’s dating a girl or a boy or a fucking rock or something, as long as he’s dating someone, that’s all that matters. cause she’s been really worried about his love life cause he’s only had like 1 girlfriend before and when ma was younger she’d dated like 30 guys by the time she was 17. so anyways then ma’s just like “you know how the gay sex works right? if u plan on doing the sex then-” and jean stands up super fast and he’s like "MA NO NONONONONONONO BYE I’M GONNA GO SHOWER BYE NO STOP BYE LATER" and he runs up the stairs and like nearly trips over his dog and he like, is blushing so hard and ma’s just laughing because her son is a loser but goddamn if she doesn’t love the kid to bits. so anyways then jean’s in the shower and he just he’s like. ugh because now he’s getting all kinds of dirty thoughts about his cute boyfriend just wearing his shirt and no pants and UGH STOP STOP STOP, and he just. he’s like. jean just wants to scream because he’s trying SUPER HARD NOT TO THINK OF THINGS LIKE THAT BECAUSE, BECAUSE, jean has had ONE girlfriend before and the reason they broke up is because jean couldn’t stop thinking about kissing her and he thought about it so much to the point that he just couldn’t control himself and he leaned over and kissed her cheek and then she slapped him and broke up with him and he was like fUCK. SO HE DIDN’T WANT THE SAME THING TO HAPPEN LIKE. HE DIDN”T WANT TO THINK SEXUAL THINGS ABOUT ARMIN LIKE ON A DAY THAT HE WAS GONNA SEE HIM CAUSE HE WAS WORRIED HE’D LIKE. THINK ABOUT IT SO MUCH HE’D GET TO THE POINT THAT HE’D JUST LIKE GRAB THAT SWEET BOOTY AND THEN HAVE ARMIN BREAK UP WITH HIM LIKE. JEAN DOES NOT WANNA. BREAK UP WITH ARMIN AT ALL. LIKE THEY’VE ONLY BEEN DATING FOR. IDK LIKE. A MONTH MAYBE BUT. HE DOESN’T WANNA BREAK UP WITH THAT BOY ANY TIME SOON (he refuses to think about what’s gonna happen when summers over and they need to go to college because THAT’S NOT A THING TO THINK ABOUT YET) so jean’s just. feeling TERRIBLE mEANWHILE armin is chilling and picking and outfit for today because even though it’s gonna be super chill like, jean is just coming over tonight (cause armin’s gpa is going to play bingo with some hot dames down at the retirement home) and they’re gonna order like, some pizza or something and watch pixar movies together like. it’s very very chill but armin still wants to pick out a nice outfit but. he doesn’t know wHAT. AND HE’S LIKE FUCK WHY IS THIS. SO HARD. but eventually he settles on some shirt and these jeans that make his ass look fantastic like. armin isn’t the type to feel super…confident in himself. his confidence hAS GOTTEN A LOT BETTER THAN IT USED TO BE BUT, he’s still got some body image issues (god who doesn’t?) but even he can agree that his booty looks damn good in these jeans. so he’s feeling pretty good about himself ;) ANYWAYS TIMESKIP WOAH ARMIN’S GRANDPAP IS OUTTA THE HOUSE??? WOAH IT’S ALREADY 5??? WOAH JEAN IS COMING OVER WOAH JEAN IS AT THE DOOR AND KNOCKING ON THE DOOR WOW TIME IS AMAZING HOW IT JUST SKIPS TO WHERE I WANT IT TO BE INCREDIBLE so jean’s at armin’s door and he knocks obnoxiously loud and then tries to pretend he didn’t just knock so loud and he feels so dumb but he’s just STILL NERVOUS. THEY’VE BEEN DATING FOR SO LONG BUT he still gets nervous because he just likes armin so much??? like he’s scared of the fact that he likes armin as much as he does and is also scared that he’s gonna embarrass himself so it’s like, he’s like double scared so anyways armin like, runs to get the door and he fluffs his hair by the mirror cause why the fuck not and he opens the door and smiles cause jean’s standing there wearing some stupid old track tshirt (he USED TO BE ON THE TRACK TEAM ;) ;) ;) ) and some khakis or something like. he’s just super cute. and jean sees armin and almost breaks down and screams to the heavens because armin is wearing HIS GLASSES AND TIGHT PANTS AND A FORMFITTING SHIRT AND JEAN JUST WANTS TO KILL SOMETHING BECAUSE WHY ARE THE GODS TESTING HIM LIKE THIS??? but instead of doing that he just, nods and walks in and armin closes the door and jean knows armin’s house well enough to just go sit down on the couch and chill while armin brings in some soda and snacks. and jean kind of awkwardly looks at him and he’s like "oh where’s ur grandpappy?" and armin plops down next to him and he’s sitting close enough that jean can smell that nice mix of like some old library and vanilla and it’s a WEIRD MIX THAT IS SOMEHOW SO GOOD? "oh he’s gonna be out tonight. he told me he might spend the night somewhere." and armin makes a gross face because OLD PEOPLE SEX  EHWUGH HE DOESN"T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT HIS GPA MIGHT BE GETTIN SOME TONIGHT LIKE EW NO THANKS GROSS and then suddenly jean’s palms feel even sweatier because fuck his life FUCK HIS LIFE THERE IS NO ADULT IN THE HOUSE. but then he freezes because TECHNICALLY HE’S AN ADULT TECHNICALLY THEY’RE BOTH 18 AND BOTH ADULTS AND THIS IS REALLY BAD. so jean’s having some internal freak out and armin stands up to go look for the dvds that are in this small bookcase right next to the tv right? so. jean is freaking out and his. and then then jean looks at armin’s ass. and. wow that’s. those. pants but. damn. like. DAMN. THAT’S A REALLY NICE BOOTY HIS BOY’S GOT LIKE DAMN FUCKING CHRISTMAS ANIMAL COOKIES THAT’S A REALLY NICE ASS OH NO THIS IS EVEN WORSE OH GOD THERe’S NO ONE IN THE HOUSE BUT THEM AND ARMIN’S GOT A REALLY NICE ASS AND JEAN REGRETS NOT WEARING SOMETHING MORE FLATTERING HIMSELF BECAUSE THERE’S NO WAY ARMIN’S GETTING HOT UNDER THE COLLAR FROM JEAN’S OLD TRACK SHIRT NO WAY NO HOW. so jean wants to sob again because armin’s really hot what the fuck this is so dumb like. and then armin turns around and jean sees his glasses again and he’s like FUCK cause JEAN HAS A DUMB THINGS FOR GLASSES OK. IT’S NOT HIS FAULT. and armin holds up a dvd and is like “you wanna watch toy story?” and JEAN WANTS TO CRY AGAIN BECAUSE ARMIN IS BEING SO CUTE AND HE’S THINKING ABOUT ATTACKING HIM HE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON so jean just nods and armin pops the movie in and sits back down and jean is stiff as a board. like. he’s like. refusing to move. and of course armin has noticed all of this because armin’s not stupid. he knows that jean is feeling pretty awkward though he’s not ENTIRELY sure why (he knows why he just doesn’t want to think that jean might think he’s really attractive cause he’s worried that he’d just be flattering himself but like armin come on u know ur hot) so then armin’s like “jean. chill out” and jean’s like "I’M CHILL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOU-HEY" and armin pokes his side and he’s like "jean ur abs are super tight why are you flexing your abs why are you so stiff just chill the fuck out man c’mon." and armin like. leans into jean and jean kind of. melts a bit because. aUGH HE SMELLS GOOD. and then the movie starts and everything kind of calms down right like. thank god jean has chilled out and now they’re back to the usual just. like. jokes and pokes and bein cute. so anyways they watch toystory and then armin puts toystory 2 in and jean admires armin’s butt again and armIN CAN TOTALLY FEEL JEAN”S EYES ON HIM. LIKE. Armin is trying not to blush cause he TOTALLY KNOWS. HE TOTALLY KNOWS WHAT’S UP BUT HE”S TRYING TO PRETEND HE DOESN’T BECAUSE HE DOESN”T WANT TO EMBARRASS JEAN (it’s happened before. armin was actually really surprised to learn that jean could be so skittish like. LIKE?? Jean usually won’t stand down to like. a fist fight or a word fight but when it comes to flirting and that stuff he’s just. he gets very blushy and he stutters and whatever. so the one time armin like. randomly decided to like, kiss jean’s neck or something, jean like, LEFT. HE SAID LIKE “OH I FORGOT I HAD A PLACE” and he just LEAVES and armin was like. fuckin hell. and then they didn’t talk about it later) BUT ANYWAYS SO. ARMIN DOESN’T WANT JEAN TO LEAVE. but he also, also…he’s very very conflicted cause. he LIKEs making jean all flustered but doesn’t like making him UNCOMFORTABLE, so it’s a very delicate fine line that armin doesn’t want to accidentally cross. but he figures that he’s got some wiggle room here, literal wiggle room cause he wiggles a bit like. he makes it seem natural but he’s really just bringing attention to that nice ass he’s got goin on (he can’t help but feel a little extra CONFIDENT OK LIKE WHEN JUST WEARING TIGHTER PANTS MAKES JEAN GO LIKEE WOAH THERE) OMF OK SO. SO. SO. so. ok. jean’s like. just. it’s just extra hard for him cause he was already thinking about weird stuff before he came over and UGH and UGHUGHUGH and then armin sits back down and jean has his feet on the coffee table so armin pops his feet up next to jean’s and starts playing footsie with him and THEY start like, KIcking and giggling and then armin kind of like, tries to be sexy but he’s not that good at it, so he like, tries to drag his foot up jean’s leg to his thigh (but he kind of has to shift awkwardly cause he’s not that flexible and also these are tight jeans he’s wearing) and like, it’s not that he doesn’t do it right or something it’s just that it’s not that hot or whatveer. or at least. it wouldn’t be hot to like, any normal person. but jean is just in a place right now where armin is labeled “hot” and he could do anything and jean would be like “oh hot” SO JEAN STANDS REALLY FAST and he’s like "i"M GONNA PIZZA THAT OK" and he kind of. grabs his cellphone and quick walks into the other room to order the pizza and armin kind of sighs and runs his hands through his hair angrily before kind of like, slouching over and smacking his hands into his forehead and then like, putting his face in his hands cause just. cause like. maybe it’s him? like. they’ve been dating for a month now and the most action they’ve had together was back at that hotel on the roadtrip??? like?? so armin’s like. damn. this sucks cause he’s lke…well if jean wants to take it slow that’s fine but. armin kind of also wants to get into his pants??? like this is makin armin feel nuts like. does jean not…want him like that anymore cause that night they had that serious makeout that was like. woah there. armin could taste the passion but in their chaste kisses as of late, he has not felt the same passion it feels like. what he thought was perhaps restraint but now he’s worried it’s actually like. disgust or regret and ARMIN NO THIS IS A CONFIDENT NIGHT. SHH. 1, 2, 3, armin, deep breaths…shhh it’s ok it’s ok. tonight is a GOOD night. jean isn’t the type to waste his time like that ok ok. ok. and jean like, orders the dumb pizza but then he texts marco too and it’s all Jean: MAROC SOS SOS Marco: What’s up? Everything ok? Jean: HOT BF Marco: Jean are you…really texting me. To ask for my help. Because you think Armin’s hot??? Jean: NO I MENA. EYS BUT. LIEK. RAMIN IS AND I’M LIK YOoooooooooooo Marco: Jesus Christmas Jean just kiss him for fuck’s sake. I mean really, this is getting ridiculous dude. Jean: ????? Marco: Stop freaking out about it and kiss him and then see where that kiss leads you. Stop pulling back and leaving early Jean, since when are you a quitter? Marco: And he’s not going to break up with you like that girl did ok. You were like, 12 when that happened Jean you are 18 now…C’mon man. Marco: You can do this. Jean: I can DO THIS Marco: YOU CAN DO THIS! Jean: I CAN DO THIS Marco: Go get’em tiger. Also if you text me about this again and it’s not to tell me that you made out with him or something, I’m not gonna text back jsyk. Ok ilu good luck <3 so then jean is smiling cause marco’s his bestest bro ever. and like. jean just. has so much confidence right now so he strides back into the living room and armin’s head shoots up and he looks at jean and jean looks at him and then his eyes kind of trail to armin’s hair (which is now kind of sexy messy cause he messed it up but it’s actually not that sexy at all it kind of looks dumb i mean like, it could be classified cute at best but since it’s jean lookin at him he’s like oh hot.) and jean’s mouth just kind of. goes dry. and he’s like.  i’m gonna do this. i’m gonna just. let it out. so he like. stomps up to armin and like, picks armin up (more like, half picks him up cause he was expecting armin to be lighter but like, he doesn’t drop him or anything just…doesn’t like, fully pick him up) and armin’s like "WOAH WOAH JEAN WHAT" and then jean like. sits down and just. puts armin in his lap. (yo jean can be pretty sexy when he’s not thinking much about what he’s doing and just letting his instincts do their thang ya feel) so then armin’s like "JEAN WHA-" BUT then jean’s lips are covering his and armin’s like, oh yes please, so he just doesn’t even bother to finish his sentence and just. immediately like, tangles his hands into what he can of jean’s hair almost to like, secure the dude to make sure he doesn’t fucking RUN AWAY LIKE JESUS CRHSIT JEAN C’MON. and jean’s just, he like, his hands are wild ya know like, they just, are SEARCHING armin’s body all around his back and then up his neck and he tugs lightly on armin’s hair and armin’s like oh yeah man i like that. and then armin pulls back and jean is like nonono and he chases armin’s lips like bb no but armin points to his glasses and jean’s thinking like, i don’t want him to take them off because they’re hot but then also we can probs kiss more if they’re off, so then jean decides that he’ll have plenty of opportunities in the future to have armin NOT take his glasses off so he lets his boo remove the thing and armin kind of tosses his glasses onto the coffee table and they make a gross clanking noise but neither of the two care at all cause they’re kissing again ;) and it’s almost like thye’re just, trying to meld together because armin is like “this is what that one night felt like” and it feels like that cause it’s that whole release of sexual tension like, it’s just that final big just, FUCK THIS LET’S KISS and it’s just nuts and then. and then jean finally lets his hands wander to armin’s ass and he’s like, god bless this ass. and he squeezes that butt cause he likes that butt a lot and armin gasps and jean’s like, say hello to my tongue again, and then armin’s like WOAH THERE, and then they’re playing tonsil hockey and whatever and it’s hot cause they’re both attractive young men and it’s like, oh. good yes. god bless and then jean leaves the booty in order to slip his hands up the back of that shirt like hello warm skin holy shit ARMIN IS REALLY REALY WARM OH GOOD and armin shivers cause jean’s hands are like ICE ICE BABY and in any other situation it would not be good but in this one it’s NICE NICE BABY and armin let’s jean know how nice it is by making some hot noise that i’m sure are made during makeouts such as this one and he nibbles on jean’s lips and LET ME TELL YOU, these boys still aren’t masters at kissing ok, but they have had some time to practice (with each other and also jean may or may not have practiced with his pillow because HE WANTS TO BE A GOOD KISSER and armin may have been cray enough to ask yahoo answers but he didn’t really get any helpful answers) so they’re much better now than they were when this whole hot mess started. so idk they’re getting like. REALLY into it like. REALLY. and armin like, shifts closer right and just, it’s getting like, hot in here so take off all ur clothes hot like. these boys are feeling the fiery passion of young love not only in their hearts but on their skin and just the room and generally everywhere and they BOTH ARE LIKE. ARMIN JUST is like "jean…jean you. i need you out of these clothes NOW." and jean’s like. hOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT i"M SO TURNED ON COULD THIS BE THE NIGHT THAT THE SEXUAL SEXY THINGS OCCUR COULD THIS BE????? BUT then the doorbell rings. and jean’s like. SHIT IT’S THE COPS but then he’s like oh wait no i ordered pizza. so jean like. presses his forehead into the crook of armin’s neck and groans and he’s like "fuck i don’t wanna get up" and armin gets off his lap and kind of. tries to straighten out his clothes cause i mean, they can’t leave the pizzaman there that’d be rude. but then jean looks up at armin and…sees his flushed cheeks and even more messed up hair and his heavy panting and just. everything about armin looks very suggestive and…hot right now and jean suddenly gets like this pang of jealously and he’s like. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE ARMIN LIKE THIS BUT ME. so he like. QUICKLY stands up and he’s like. "no i’ll get hte pizza" and armin is like, yo ok not gonna argue with u there. not even gonna ask. and jean’s happy armin doesn’t ask cause what would he even say "OH NO SORRY ARMIN BAB I DON’T WANT U TO GO TO THE DOOR CAUSE U LOOK TOO SEXY MESSy" like??? so jean like, tries to straighten his clothes out as best he can but he can’t make them like, fully straight cause they’re covered in his gay and then he feels armin like, trying to help him out with that but. it just. makes his clothes messier and gayer becuase he TURns around and starts kissing his boy again and like, idk they just, start like making out again but then the doorbell rings like RING RING RING RING RIIIGIIRIRIRIRIRIRIIR and jean’s like holy fuck that sounds like one angry pizzaman but armin just nipped his earlobe and OH THAT’S NICE SO. they kind of. awkwardly like. keep kissing while jean slowly backs them up and out of the living room to the front hall where they reach the door and like. jean pulls away and he’s got this dumb grin and armin’s got this dumb grin and their faces are so red and they don’t even care they’re like. whatever like, cause now that they’re both in the hall jean doesn’t have to worry about any other wandering eyes on armin’s cute face cause if any eyes be wandering that aren’t jean’s he’ll punch a mothefucker so it’s chill so jean opens the door and his plan is if the pizzaman looks at his obvious like, out of breath-ness or red face he’ll be like, “what jealous i was gettin some? lol yeah that’s what i thoguht” but his like. dumb smile drops off his face because. when the door. opens he. that. isn’t. the pizza man that is. eren. and eren’s face just. contorts into horror and jean’s face just. does that too and then armin’s does that TOO BECUASE. FUCK. and eren OPENS THE SCREEN DOOR, WALKS IN AND SLAMS BOTH DOORS SHUT BEHIND HIM. AND THEN HE’S LIKE "What the fuck" and jean looks at armin and eren looks at jean looking at armin and then he’s looking at armin and armin’s looking at eren and jean’s looking at armin looking at eren and then eren looks back to jean then to armin then to jean then to armin "JEAN WHY ARE YOU IN ARMIN’S HOUSE ARMIN WHY IS JEAN HERE WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT INVITED??? YOU SAID YOU WERE HANGING OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND TONIGHT YOU DIDN’T SAY IT WAS JUST A FRIENDS NIGHT THING IF THAT’S WHAT WAS UP WHY WAS I NOT INVITED???" and armin’s like "UhhhhhUU THIS IS. UH. WE WERE UM" AND EREN IS LIKE "JEAN IS THAT FUCKIN DROOL ON YOUR FACE?? WHY ARE- oh my god. no." and then eren connects the dots. and. he. flips. his. SHIT. "WHAT THE FUCK WHAT’S GOING ON WHAT’S GOING ON NO NONONONONONONOONONOONON WHAT?? NO ARMIN DON’T U FUCKING TELL ME. HE’S YOUR BOYFRIEND? ARMIN NO YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER” and jean freaks cause he’s like "ARMIN YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM????" and armin’s like "I WASN’T AWARE THAT WE HAD DECIDED TO TELL PEOPLE??" and jean’s like "WELL I TOLD MARCO??? AND CONNIE??" and then armin’s like "wait. what. really? THAT WOULD EXPLAIN. THOSE TEXTS CONNIE SENT ME I THOUGHT HE WAS TRYING TO FLIRT WITH ME" and jean shrugs and eren is just FUMING and he’s like "aRMIN I WAS OK WIHT YOU JUST. BEING FRIENDS WITH JEAN CAUSE WHATEVER BUT. BOYFRIENDS??? ARMIN YOU’RE AWARE THAT BOYFRIENDS USUALLY KISS AND STUFF???" and then armin’s like "EREN CALM DOWN WE JUST. KIND OF REALIZED WE. UH. IT’S UM. WE FOUND. UH. A THING WE. YOU KNOW LIKE. WE HAD A MOMENT ON THE ROADTRIP AND-" and armin just kind of. waves his hands around in the air and he’s like "chemistry" so then eren’s like "FUCK OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. IS THIS JUST TO SPITE ME CAUSE I COULDN’T GO WITH YOU ON THE TRIP?" and armin’s like "NO?? WHAT??? EREN THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU?" and jean’s like ”EREN GET OVER URSELF” and then eren just punches jean in the face, like a full force eren rage punch. and he does it in just the right place that he. totally. knocks jean out. so jean just. hits the ground and he’s out like a light and eren shakes out his fist because JEAN’S FACE IS SO HARD AND THAT REALLY HURT?? and armin’s like ”EREN WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK SHIT” and eren’s like "THAT’S MY LINE JACKASS!!! JEAN ISN’T BOYFRIEND MATERIAL. HE’S AN OK FRIEND OK, I ALREADY ADMITTED THAT, I WAS CHILL WITH YOU BEING FRIENDS. WE EVEN SAW THAT MOVIE ALL TOGETHER AND I FUCKING ADMITTED THAT I HAD FUN OK??? BUT JEAN AS YOUR BOYFRIEND? ARMIN NO WAY. HE’S NOT EVEN GAY ARMIN" and they’re just YELLING AND BOTH OF THEM ARE YELLING ABOUT NOTHING THEY’RE JUST YELING FOR NO REASON NOW AND ARMIN STARTS WIPING UP JEAN’S BLOODY NOSE AND LIKE then armin’s like "EREN FUCK YOU SO MUCH!—help me lift jean onto the couch—EREN I HATE YOU YOU’RE THE WORST HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME—fuckin..help me lift him…no…grab his legs eren, jesus christ—I HATE YOU" and at the same time eren is like "I HATE YOU MORE YOU’RE SO DUMB JEAN IS NOT BOYFRIEND MATERIAL—support his head will you??—I HATE YOU THIS IS DUMB I’m NOT SORRY IF I KILLED HIM, I HATE YOU WE AREN’T FRIENDS ANYMORE" and they both keep yelling dumb things at each other while trying to lift/drag an unconscious jean back to the living room so they can put him on the couch and finaly they manage to get him there and eren and armin high five but then remember that they hate each other now so they’re like ugh and armin wants to cry and just scream cause now jean would NEVER kiss him again and he HATES fighting with eren and he’s so MAD becuase eren SAID JEAN WAS COOL. EREN TOLD HIM. THAT HE WAS OK WITH JEAN AS A FRIEND THAT HE EVEN WANTED TO HANG OUT WITH JEAN AND ARMIN MORE HE SAID. THAT HE THOUGHT. JEAN WAS SORT OF FUNNY SOMETIMES EREN FUCKING TOLD HIM. EREN SAID. EREN TOLD ARMIN THAT JEAN WASN’T AS BAD AS HE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO WHY IS IT SO TERRIBLE THAT ARMIN WOULD BE DATING HIM??? and eren is about to yell again but then the doorbell rings and armin’s like. FUCK THAT’S THE ACTUAL PIZZA DUDE and eren’s like "i’ll get it ok just…make sure jean isn’t dead" cause eren doesn’t really wanna go to jail or anything (and also doesn’t want jean to be dead? HE DOESN’T HATE THE GUY. HE REALLY DOESN’T HE JUST. HATES THAT. HE WOULD DARE TO DATE ARMIN CAUSE HE ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM ARMIN DESERVES A LOT FUCKIN BETTER THAN JEAN) so eren like, goes and takes some money from the cabinet in the kitchen that armin’s g-pa always keeps some spare money in. and eren is grumbling to himself and his hand hurts so much and this is so dumb and he HADN’T MEANT TO HIT HIM THAT HARD OK HE DIDn’T MEAN TO KNOCK THE DUDE OUT. it really wasn’t really his intention to do it in the first place he was just so MAD at armin and just the fact that jean or armin hadn’t told him and they had HUNG OUT AND. WERE THEY DATING WHILE THEY SAW THAT MOVIE TOGETHER HAD THEY LIED TO HIM??? FUCKIN HELL! HE FELT SO LEFT OUT AND HURT AND MAD AND WHAT THE FUCK so armin is like, making sure jean is still breathing or something and like, jean’s nose isn’t bleeding anymore which is good but armin’s like. he suddenly just. feels the worry and surprise now that he’s calmed down a touch cause before it was all masked by the anger he felt towards just. eren and how he hadn’t expected eren to get THT upset. so now that he’s alone with his unconscious boyfriend he’s like “SHIT” and he just wants jean to wake up so he can make sure he’s ok and whatever so he tries to think up a plan for that because c’mon armin you’re a smart kid we all know that. so then he remembers that his pep-pep has like, this gross smelling tobacco or something like, whatever old people smoke that smells bad you know, and so he goes and grabs it (a tin of it? idk what old people have but. whatever the point is that it smells STRONG and ugh) so armin like, waves that in front of jean’s nose to kind of, waft it to his nostrils and after doing that for a bit then jean like, splutters awake and armin’s like HUZZAHHhh so then jean is like. “AHEUHHHE” (CAUSE THAT STUFF SMELS SO BAD) and armin puts the bad smelling stuff on the coffee table and like, hugs jean cause thank god he’s not dead (HE KNEW JEAN WASN’T DEAD OK IT’S JUST EASY TO WORRY ABOUT THINGS ALRIGHT) and jean is kind of surprised and still dazed but he hugs back anyways cause he’s feeling kind of wacky right now and armin’s scent always calms him down a bit. and of course that’s when eren walks back in (he payed the pizza guy but didn’t count out a tip so then he had to do that and it was awkward cause eren doesn’t know how to calculate how much to give for a tip so he ended up just like. giving the dude like. 15 dollars or something like, WAAAY too big of a tip but the dude wasn’t complaining and eren didn’t give a shit and then he put the pizza on the kitchen counter) and eren groans and sits down on some chair that’s also arranged to be around the coffee table but isn’t quite next to the couch (i’m making this furniture placement description more confusing than it was to be i’m sorry. the chair would be adjacent to the couch, let’s just go with that ok) and starts taking deep breaths and counting to 3 (something bertl taught him probably idk) and he’s like, rubbing his temples because this is seriously a fucked up night he just wanted to tell armin about this totally awesome thing that happened and he just wanted to have a sleepover and chill out. he hadn’t expected this. so finally eren’s just like. “i’m sorry” and armin is like… "…" and he looks up and eren looks so embarrassed like. cause eren actualy got a good look at jean and oh shit he actually punched him so hard like. oh shit. so he’s looking away and he’s like. fuck. i really fucked up.

so then armin sighs because he doesn’t know what to do and he’s like. "eren you’re still my best friend…." and eren is like "SAME. YOU’RE STILL MY BEST FRIEND TOO I’M. I DIDN’T. I DIDN’T KNOW. I MEAN. I. UGH THIS IS. WHY HIM???" and armin’s like. "i like him eren…" and eren’s like UGH and jean is like "i like u too bb" and armin’s like. jean u cutie. and then it’s just kind of quiet and jean is laying on the couch and armin is sitting by his head at the end of the couch cushion and eren is like. "i’m…sorry i. punched you in. the face i guess…" and jean’s scoffs and eren’s like "I’M APOLOGIZING ASSHOLE" and jean’s like "YEAH AND I DON’T FUCKING ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY AT ALL. YOU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!" and eren stands up like, he wants to puch him again and armin’s like "STOp. JEAN ACCEPT THE APOLOGY" and jean’s like "NO" and armin’s like "YES" so jean’s like "thanks for the lame apology…i GUESS" and eren’s like. "ha" and armin’s like "eren. i know i should’ve told you as soon as it happened but. i. i didn’t know how you’d react…" and armin feels kind of. like. he really fucked up here. BUT ARMIN IT WASN’T TOTALLY YOUR FAULT OK. and eren’s like "i’m. UGH THIS IS SO DUMB. JUST. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA BREAK UP?" and jean is like "never." and then he blushes because HE KIND OF IN SOME WEIRD SWITCH AROUND WAY JUST PROPOSED TO ARMIN A BIT???? and armin’s like. lol. and eren is like. "HA HA HA" so then it’s kind of quiet again and eren’s just like. "so…what. what were you guys even doing?" cause he can’t help but be curious and jean just blurts like "MAKIN OUt" and eren’s like "gross…" and armin just blushes because. he’s HAPPY BECAUSE. LIKE. EVEN IF EREN FREAKED THE FUCK OUT HE CALMED DOWN PRETTY FAST CONSIDERING AND, HE’S JUST. HAPPY THAT MAYBE THIS WILL WORK OUT AND BE Ok!!! and then eren just sighs and he’s like. "well. this is fuckin awkward" and jean’s like "yeah no kidding…and my head is fucking throbbing thanks for asking." and armin looks at him and he’s like "would u like some ice?" and he’s like. "i guess?" and eren’s like. "i’ll get it…" and then eren goes and gets some ice and armin takes a second to kiss jean on the forehead and jean blushes so hard and armin’s like "i’m sorry i didn’t tell him. i’m sorry he punched you…if you never wanna makeout again i understand." and jean’s like "NO. STOP NO. I WANT TO MAKEOUT AGAIN. I WANT TO MAKEOUT A LOT. I WANT TO MAKEOUT FOREVER ARMIN Your ASS IS. THE REAL THING IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN I IMAGINED." and armin raises a brow and he’s like "so you HAVE imagined that stuff huh? how far has your imagination gone?" and jean’s like "armin DON’t ASK THAT, YOU. YOU DON’T ASK THAT KIND OF STUFF" and armin like, leans in to whisper in his ear and he’s like "you should show me how far your imagination has gone." and jean is like. FUCK BONER, because armin did that. that voice that jean didn’t think armin could even do but it’s like, that low sultry voice that’s so aTTRACTIVE and jean is so MAD that eren interrupted and then eren walks in and he groans because he’s like "i don’t want to know why jean is blushing pls don’t tell me" and armin laughs cause everything is just like. chill right now. BUT THEN THE DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN????? and they’re all silent cause they’re like who could taht be? so eren goes to open the door and armin and jean just hear him go "MIKASA????" and mikasa like. walks into armin’s house and closes the door and is like "eren i tried to call you to make sure you got to armin’s house ok but you left your phone at home so i brought it over so that i could call you and make sure everything was ok." and eren’s like. "WHAT THE FUCK MIKASA" and mikasa’s like "did you guys get pizza?" and she just walks into the kitchen and takes a slice and then walks past eren into the living room and expects to see armin on the couch and like, some movie playing but. then she’s like "what." cause jean is there? and she’s like "uh, hey?" and armin’s like "hey there mikasa" and jean’s like "MIKASA??? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS JUST. WALK INTO EACH OTHER’S HOUSES LIKE????" and armin’s like "jean we’ve been friends since we were like 3. we’re all like siblings. it’s not weird." and jean’s like "it’s a little weird" and mikasa is like "no." but then she looks at his face and she’s like "did eren punch you?" and jean is like "WHAT HOW DID YOU KNOW" and she’s like "cause eren’s knuckle was a little red. eren is your hand ok?" and jean’s like. "UH MORE LIKE. IS MY FACE OK????" and then mikasa walks over and takes eren’s hand to check it over and she’s like "jean your head is very hard so i want to make sure eren didn’t break any bones in his hand" and jean mumbles like "is my head really that hard?" and armin shrugs cause he’s the only one in the room that HASN’T punched jean before so he has no idea. but whatever so like. now that mikasa is there just. all the tension has melted away and it’s actually pretty nice like. eren gives jean the ice for his head and they all eat pizza and eren and jean debate with eachother about dumb things and armin laughs and it’s cute and like. jean’s face hurts so bad and he complains about it until armin gets him some advil and it just ends up being a super kawaii night and like. eren passes out so mikasa carries him home right so then it’s like. 12 at night and armin and jean are just. sitting on the couch and armin got jean some more ice and they’re just sitting and like. talking and armin’s like "sorry about all that…i really didn’t think eren would punch you." and jean’s like "please armin, i can take a few punches alright. and if it means that he won’t be an ass about us dating then what the fuck ever right? like. i’ll probably get a chance to punch him back anyways." and armin laughs because he doesn’t even care anymore like. of course he wishes that jean and eren would just. drop the act and admit that they enjoy each other’s company (even if eren doesn’t particularly enjoy the fact that jean is now dating his bff, he’ll probably get fully over it later hopefully???) but armin is just glad that at least eren didn’t like. start saying mean things or something and that they were able to resolve it within the hour instead of fighting about it for weeks. and jean kind of brings armin out of his thoughts when he takes his hand and he’s like "i’m…really glad we’re dating." and armin smiles and he’s like "me too jean." and they’re just kind of. smiling and then jean leans over and pecks armin on the lips and pulls back. and then he kind of. he looks at armin’s face and armin’s eyes are a little droopy cause he’s a bit tired and he’s got a silly smile on his cute lips and jean just fuckin throws the ice bag across the room and tackles armin back onto the couch and armin’s like WOAH THERE COWBOY and jean is like OH SHIT THAT ACTUALLY HURT MY NOSE OH OUCH but he doesn’t stop cause he loves how armin’s mouth still taste’s a bit like pizza and that SOUNDS gross but it doesn’t taste gross at all and he just. starts going to TOWN on armin’s lips like. biting the bottom one a bit and just, tongues and teeth and it’s intense man it’s like. seriously full of passion. and armin is responding with GUSTo like, hell yeah man. and they’re just, making out again and it’s wiht as much emotion as it was before like if jean’s face didn’t hurt so bad he could even convince himself that like, he hadn’t even stopped kissing armin from before. and armin is breathing super heavily cause dang. and he like, wraps a leg around jean’s leg and pulls his hair and smashes his face closer and their kiss gets DEEPER and jean feels like he’s FLOATING and just wow and armin is just. getting SO INTO IT LIKE. armin has never felt this way about someone before like. sure armin had thought about guys adn whatever but he never like. WANTED a dude like he wanted jean idk why they just have this CHEMISTRY like. they have so much chemistry they could teach a ivy league college chem class. that’s how intense it is right. so. jean breaks away for air and starts kissing armin’s neck again and armin’s like "haaaaaeeeey reminds me of, that first time we kissed haha" and jean looks up at him and he’s like "keep talking" and armin’s like ??? and jean’s like "i love hearing your voice i love when you talk" and armin blushes even harder because JEAN THAT’s WEIRD BUT OK so he’s like "i. i’ve never really. like. gone this far with someone before, i’m glad that i get to experience this with you???" cause he doesn’t know what to say at all and jean makes a noise and whines and shoves his face into the crook of armin’s neck again and inhales and he’s like "ARMIN YOU MANGAE TO BE SO CUTE AND REALLY HOT AT THE SAME TIME IT’S TOTALLY NOT FAIR" and armin chuckles a bit but it’s kind of breathless and he’s like "oh please, jean you have no idea how much i think about you” and jean looks up at him and he’s like "tell me" and armin’s like "i think about you all the time." and jean’s like "what do you think about?" and armin like, lets his fingers dance up jean’s arm slowly while he’s like "hmm…i think about you arms." and he like, runs his fingers back down jean’s arm to his hand "you have nice arms y’know?" and jean’s like "ikr" and armin laughs because jean is such a loser and he smiles and like, drags his hand BACK up to jeans arm and crosses over to his jaw and traces the edge of his jaw with his pointer finger so jean props his head up and looks at armin and armin’s like "i like your jaw too…" "what do you like about it?" "i dunno, it’s got a nice strong shape. it’s. it’s a good jaw idk" and jean smiles and kind of, looks away and he’s like "i like your eyes" and armin laughs "what’s so great about my eyes?" and jean leans into armin’s hand which is still on his jaw and he’s like "well they’re a pretty color but also they have a…calming shape, like. they aren’t scary unless you want them to be but like. someone told me once that my eyes always look kind of scary even if i’m smiling." and armin laughs again and jean likes his laugh a lot and he’s like "your eyes aren’t scary. your eyes are dumb" and jean’s like "WHAT??? wHAT does that even MEAN?" and armin smiles and he’s like "i’m kidding. they’re very attentive. i like it." and he kisses jean again but it’s softer this time and more sleepy and cute and jean smiles into the kiss and then they’re just kind of lazily pressing their lips together until armin’s like. "let’s go sleep" and jean’s like "woah i can sleep over?" and armin’s like "dude it’s 1 AM" and jean’s like. "oh. lol" so they go upstairs and sleep in armin’s bed and they just pass out on top of the bed in their clothes and jean falls on his face and it hurts but it’s fine cause he can smell armin and that sounds creepy but i swear it’s not at all and it’s cute and nice. so in the morning armin gets woken up by his cellphone ringing and jean is still passed out so armin like. looks at the caller ID and it’s mikasa and he’s like. what. so he answers like "mikasa?" but his voice is all tired and cute and mikasa is like "so?" and armin’s like. "so…what?" and mikasa sighs and she’s like "did you?" and mikasa sounds like…embarrassed? "DID I WHAT MIKASA?" armin laughs a bit cause mikasa is a cutie "did you…i dunno, fuck?" and armin is suddenly super awake "EXCUSE ME??" "I MEAN. I’M JUST. ASKING." "MIKASA WHAT THE FUCK NO WE DIDN’T DO THE DO ARE YOU JOKING???" and mikasa sighs and she’s like "I just wanted to make sure that if you did do the do you wore a condom and stuff" and armin huffs like "MIKASA MY GOD. I"M NOT AN IDIOT" and she’s like "I don’t want you to get hurt…" and armin’s like "I know. i don’t want you to get hurt either." and then mikasa is like "…how far have you gone?" and ARMIN’S LIKE "MIKASA JESUS CHRIST" and she’s like "WHAT I JUST. I’M. IT’S FOR HOMEWORK" and armin’s like "mikasa we’RE NOT EVEN IN SCHOOL ANYMORE" and she just grumbles to herself and armin sighs and he’s like "we’ve basically just made out…cause whenever we get closer to something else we end up talking or flirting or something. he grabbed my ass though." "did he hurt your ass?" "NO OMF MIKASA PLS" and she laughs and she’s like "i love u" and armin’s like "ilu2" and then mikasa just hangs up and armin’s like. what a cute. and then he puts his phone back on his bedside table and jean is like. kind of awake at this point so he like. grabs armin’s waist and pulls him back down to snuggle with him and then they both sleep more and it’s cute yo

BIM BOoM BAM SO IT’S BEEN ABOUT 5 DAYS SINCE THAT AND JEAN’S BLACKEYE IS FINALLY HEALING UP AND MARCO IS HELPING HIM PUT MAKEUP ON IT AND HE’S LIKE "you know it’s not that bad jean you don’t have to cover it with foundation" and jean’s like "well i. i want to look nice…" and marco laughs and is like "jean i don’t think armin really cares" and jean splutters and is like "WELL. I CARE. AND WHAT KIND OF. IMAGE IS IT TO SHOW HIS GRANDPA….like OH HI I’M DATING YOUR GRANDSON AND I ALSO HAVE A BLACKEYE YES PLEASE TRUST ME." and marco snorts like "jean quit overreacting, armin already told you his grandpa’s a chill dude." and jean’s like "marco you act like this is so easy but it’s not like you’ve ever had to go meet someone’s genius grandpa or something" and marco’s like "fair point, however, you’re being a baby." and he pinches jeans arm and jean’s like FUCK YOU and marco laughs and then he’s like "alright boo, that’s about as good as you’re gonna get with your face there" and jean looks in the mirror and he’s like "YOOOOO IT LOOKS LIKE I DOn"T EVEN HAVE A BRUISE HOLY SHIT MAKEUP IS AWESOME" and marco’s like "I KNOW RIGHT????" and jean’s like "we’re gonna give each others make overs soon" and marco’s like "we better." and then marco drives jean to armin’s house cause he’s a good friend and he drops him off and he’s like "be safe" and he winks and jean is like marco PLS. but anyways so jean walks up to armin’s door and he like takes a deep breath and is about to ring the doorbell when the door like FLIES open and HANJI HUGS JEAN LIKE. HOLY SHIT. AND JEAN IS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS HANJI HERE AND HE KIND OF ALMOST FALLS DOWN BUT MANAGES TO HUG BACK AND HE’S LIKE "UHHA???" and hanji’s  like "JEAN YOU SMELL LIKE LAVENDER" and jean is like. WHAT. and then she breaks the hug and is like "how u doin" and jean is like… "i…huh??" and then armin kind of runs outside and he facepalms and he’s like "JEAN I UH…hanji and levi showed up for a surprise visit…." and jean’s like "oh..um. ok?" and hanji like steers jean inside and she’s like "SO JEAN HOW HAVE THINGS BEEN?" and jean’s like "good i guess?" cause he’s still like. really like. what. because he was expecting armin’s gpa, not his cousin. and hanji leads him into the kitchen were levi is like. wearing an apron and cooking and hanji is like "you remember my lovely wife" and levi is like "i’m not your wife yet you piece of shit" and hanji laughs cause he didn’t even deny that he was her wife like he could’ve said no i’m gonna be ur husband soon or something but like. he didn’t even give a shit god she loves him so much. and then levi turns to jean and like. raises a brow in greeting before going back to making the food he’s making or whatever and jean’s like. hey so then jean is about to ask like. what the fuck is going on but then armin’s grandpa walks in and he’s wearing like, weird suspenders and this shirt that’s too tight and he’s like "hello!" and jean’s like, oh my god i have to be cool in front of everyone now. so jean tries to be chill and walks up to armin’s grandpa and takes his hand and shakes it roughly before being like "HELLO I AM DATING YOUR SON." and then he stutters and he’s ilke "I MEAN GRANDSON." and armin’s grandpa laughs and armin groans cause this is so embarrassing and like, pappy arlert pulls jean in for a manly one armed hug and he’s like "you seem just lame enough to even out my grandson’s high level of cool" and JEAN IS LIKE. EXCUSE ME. AND ARMin"S LIKE "GRANDPA" and grandpap laughs and he’s like "yo jk you’re both super lame lol." and jean is like. What thE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FAMILY ARMIN AND ARMIN’S LIKE. I DOn’T KNOW. so anyways then like, they’re all eating dinner and it’s really casual and cool except jean is super nervous cause he doesn’t quite know if he’s supposed to be like…formal or not. so armin like, is sitting next to him and he kicks his leg a bit and like. kind of plays a little footsy with him and jean smiles cause damn this boy cute and then hanji is like "jean i never heard back from you tho?" and jean’s like. oh shit i wasn’t listening what the fuck is she talking about and he’s about to make up some answer when armin’s like "oh fuck" and everyone looks at him and he’s like "i"M SORRY HANJI I FORGOT TO TELL HIM OMFG" and hanji is like. ARMIN WHAT. and armin’s grandpa is like. TELL HIM WHAT NOW WHAT WHO??? and levi is like,"the wedding is in 2 weeks jean" and jean’s like. HUH????? and armin feels SO DUMB CAUSE HE FORGOT TO TELL JEAN CAUSE HE WAS TOO BUSY THINKING ABOUT KISSING JEAN INSTEAD AND DAMMIT!!!! and jean’s like. uh. "congrats?" and levi is like. "jean fuck you are you coming or not you little shit?" and jean’s like "HAH???" and levi like imitates jean’s hah like “‘HAH?’ he says” and hanji snorts and armin can’t help but laugh cause levi does a damn good impression ok and jean is like ”YO WHAT WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING WHAT THE FRICK” and then levi is like "are you coming to our wedding or not?" and jean is like. "OH! YES!" except he doesn’t even know what day they’re talking about he just knows he wants to go because??? jean loves weddings, shh don’t tell anyone. he’s only been to one wedding before but he had a lot of fun and he enJOYS THEM A LOT OK SHUT UP THEY’RE FUN and then hanji like, flicks levi’s nose as she stands up to get more food and she’s like “see, told u” and then armin laughs because levi totally cares about jean like. levi is attached to jean like, HE DOESn”T ADMIT IT OR SHOW IT AT ALL BUT. HE THINKS JEAN IS LAME BUT HAS POTENTIAL OK. ok so whatever so then the rest of dinner happens and then it’s like. idk, later into the night right like. 7:30 late, which isn’t that late but whatever. and they’re all sitting in the living room, armin’s gpa on his chair, levi is sitting in the chair opposite of grand pap’s and hanji is like. laying across his lap and then armin and jean are just sitting on the couch chilling out like whatever man. and they’re all chatting and it’s cute and then grandpa goes to bed cause he’s old and tired from all the old people sex he has with the dames at the retirement home and he says that and everyone groans because GRANDPA NO THAT’S GROSS and he laughs because YOOO, but anyways so then he’s gone and levi’s like "hanji take his spot" and hanji’s like "haha nope." and then levi sighs and jean’s like "wait do i have to get you a wedding gift?" and armin sighs because JEAN OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO YOU IDIOT and levi is like "r u 4 real. yes of course u have to." and at the same time hanji is like "hell yeah son" and jean’s like. dang. cause he doesn’t know what to get them at ALL but armin puts his hand on jean’s arm and he’s like "it’s k jean i’ll help u out" and jean’s like. bb. so then anyways hanji interrupts their little moment all like "jean you should’ve seen armin’s face when levi and i showed up! i’ve never seen him look so horrified" and armin blushes but he’s like "HANJI IT’S CAUSE. TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS. you HAD to do your SUPRISE VISIT thing. literally on the NIGHT that was supposed to be calm and just. a get to know you thing considering grandpap doesn’t really know jean." and hanji’s like "i know! it worked out super well though cause we miss you jean" and jean’s like. wahtht and hanji’s like "ur a good fit for armin" and then they’RE BLUSHING AND IT’S LAME AND THEN HANJI IS LIKE, sitting on levi’s lap and he’s combing his fingers through her hair and she’s like "you guys just remind me of me and levi when we were younger." and levi’s like "they’re not like us at fucking all hanji what are you talking about" and hanji’s like "SHH I"M TRYING TO. HAVE A HEART TO HEART HERE" and levi’s like "WELL IF YOU’RE GONNA HAVE A HEART TO HEART AT LEAST SAY TRUTHFUL THINGS???" and hanji’s ilke. u lil shit. but then she’s lke "OH! How’s eren and mikasa? I feel like it’s been so long since we’ve seen them" and armin’s like. they’re good. and then HE FEELS BAD BECAUSE HE. DOESN"T REALLY KNOW??? LIKE HE DOESN"T REALLY KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES AND HE FEELS LIKE A TERRIBLE FRIEND BECAUSE HE’S BEEN PUSHING HIS FRIENDS ASIDE SO HE CAN HANG OUT WITH JEAN (EXCEPT NOT AT ALL ARMIN LIKE OMF STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF???) but anyways so then the night continues and they play monopoly or something and jean loses and it’s lame but fun and then like. hanji and levi go up to the guest room and pass out and jean’s mom comes and picks him up or whatever and then armin goes to sleep and it’s chill and cool and he snuggles into his blankets cause all things considered, it was a pretty good night and he’s happy about that. ———————— BAM SO THEN. armin wakes up in the morning and is like “i’m gonna call eren and mikasa to hang out” and as he’s about to call them eren calls him so he’s like oh lol and he answers all like "hey eren i was just abou-" and eren is like "ARMIN I’M AT YOUR HOUSE PLEASE OPEN YOUR FRONT DOOR" and armin’s like. "what the fuck?" and eren’s like "NOW MAN DO IT NOW!" so armin RUNS downstairs and opens the front door and eren like. is super red in the face and slams the door shut and he’s like. breathing super hard and he starts pacing back and forth and back and forth and he’s freaking out and armin’s like. "yo what the fuck is going on?" and eren’s like "SHE KISSED ME." and armin’s like "MIKASA???" and eren’s like "NO U SICK FUCK WHAT THE FUCK NO. ANNIE" and armin’s like "ANNIE??????????" and eren just looks at him and starts pacing back and forth again and he’s like. he looks so freaked out and armin’s like "ok slow down there cowboy what’s going on" and eren’s like "OK OK SO SO WE WERE WE WENT TO STARBUCKS Y’KNOW LIKE JUST, WE WENT TO GET SOME COFFEE EVEN THOUGUH ANNIE SAYS SHE DOESN’T LIKE COFFEE BUT I KNOW FOR A FACT SHE DOES LIKE IT TOO BUT THEN ONCE WE GOT THERE I REALIZED SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GO CAUSE BERT AND REINER WORK THERE AND THEY STARTED TEASING US BUT ESPECIALLY HER AND SHE STARTED BLUSHING AND THEN I WAS TRYING TO BE COOL, ARMIN I WAS TRYING SO HARD, BUT REINER MADE FUN OF ME AND I WAS LIKE REINER FUCK U AND THEN REINER STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD HE SPILLED HOT MILK ON HIMSELF AND THEN BERT STARTED FREAKING OUT AND LIKE SLAMMED REINER’S ARM INTO THE SINK AND PUT COLD WATER ON IT AND THEN ANNIE WAS TRYING TO HOLD HER LAUGHS IN BUT ARMIN SHE COULDN’T HELP IT SHE STARTED LAUGHING SO SO HARD AND SHE WAS REALLY CUTE ARMIN WHAT THE FUCK AND REINER WAS JUST SWEARING AND BERT WAS HYPERVENTILATING AND IT WAS SO DUMB BUT ANYWAS THEN I WAS I JUST IDK ARMIN I FELT LIKE AN IDIOT AND THEN SO ANNIE AND i JUST SAT DOWN AT A TABLE AND THEN THINGS CALMED DOWN AND THEN ANNIE WAS LIKE THEN ANNIE WAS ALL 'eren are we dating?' (and eren tries to do an annie impression here but it's REALLY BAD) AND I WAS LIKE 'UH WELL. YOU ASKED ME OUT UH. SO???' (yeah annie asked eren out CAUSE EREN DID ASK HER OUT BEFORE THAT BUT SHE SAID NO AND THEN ASKED HIM OUT HERSELF THE NEXT DAY CAUSE ANNIE'S LIKE THAT) and she's like 'i…don't really care but…is there some reason you. i mean it doesn't really matter but-' AND ARMIN, ARMIN, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. ANNIE STARTED. GETTING FLUSTERED AND ARMIN ANNIE NEVER DOES THAT (THAT’S A LIE. SHE DOES TOO GET FLUSTERED A LOT BUT SHE’S REALLY GOOD AT HIDING IT)  SO I WAS LIKE. ANNIE WHAT’S UP AND SHE’S LIKE 'eren you. um. you're still you're…still listed as single on facebook?' (AND THIS IS THE WORST CAUSE ANNIE ACTUALLY SPENT LIKE. A WHOLE NIGHT JUST RELOADING EREN'S FACEBOOK PAGE TO SEE WHEN HE MIGHT UPDATE HIS RELATIONSHIP STATUS CAUSE SHE WAS WAY TOO EMBARRASSED TO ASK HIM LIKE SHE IS NOW AND SHE WAS HOPING HE'D JUST DO IT BUT HE FUCKING DIDN'T AND SHE WAS SO UPSET BUT SHE WAS TRYING TO NOT BE UPSET) and THEN ARMIN. I WAS. ARMIN I. AND I JUST. I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND AND I COULD HEAR BERT LAUGHING AGAIN AND ANNIE JUST BLUSHED HARDER AND SO I JUST. STARED AT HER RIGHT IN THE EYES AND SAID 'i”M AN ASSHOLE ANNIE' and annie was like HUH AND I TOOK MY PHONE OUT ARMIN AND I JUST WENT ON MY FACEBOOK APP AND CHANGED THE RELATIONSHIP TO IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANNIE AND THEN I TURNED THE PHONE AROUND AND SHOWED HER AND SHE STARTED BLUSHING EVEN HARDER AND SHE LOOKED AWAY AND I STARTED BLUSHING BECAUSE GOD DAMMIT AND REINER STARTED DOING HIS LOUD LAUGH THAT MADE LIKE THE OTHER 3 PEOPLE IN STARBUCKS LOOK AT HIM WEIRD AND ANNiE LIKE. DISCREETLY TOOK MY HAND (it wasn't discreet at ALL) and AND SHE. ARMIN SHE KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK AND I HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT!!!!” and eren is breathing so so so hard at this point and armin's just standing there in his dumb pjs and he's like. "don’t tell me you just left annie at starbucks to come tell me this" and then eren like. freezes. and he’s like OH FUCK and he stands up but armin grabs his shoulder and is like "EREN YOU WILL PASS OUT IF YOU TRY AND RUN ALL THE WAY BACK TO STARBUCKS NOW" and eren’s like "I’M SURE THERE’S A CLOSER STARBUCKS I COULD RUN TO" and armin’s like "EREN ANNIE WOULDN’T BE IN A DIFF STARBUCKS SHE’S GOING TO BE IN THE SAME ONE YOU LEFT HER IN" AND EREN’S LIKE. "I HAVE TO TRY ARMIN" AND HE LIKE OPENS THE DOOR AND ANNIE’S STANDING THERE ABOUT TO RING THE DOORBELL AND THEN THERE’S THIS AWKWARD SILENCE WHERE EREN IS LIKE FROZEN MID RUN AND ANNIE IS JUST FROZEN AND THEY’RE BOTH SUPER RED IN THE FACE AND ARMIN’S HAIR IS ALL BEDHEAD AND THEN JUST and then just ANNIE’S LIKE "EREN I APolOGIZE FOR. DOING THAT." AND EREN IS LIKE "ANNIE WHAT?" AND SHE’S BLUSHING AND SHE LOOKS AWAY AND TAPS HER CHEEK WITH HER FINGER AND SHE’S LIKE "I"M SORRY FOR DOING THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS. WHAT…WOULD BE THE THING TO DO" and eren’s just. armin watches eren’s face like. go blank and then just. eren just. TAKES ANNIE’S FACE. and JUST. KISSES HER ON THE LIPS. HARD. EREN HAS NO IDEA HOW TO KISS AT ALL AND HE’S SUDDENLY JUST KISSING ANNIE FULL EREN FORCE and ANNIE STARTS LIKE. KISSING BACK AND THEN SHE LIKE. KIND OF LIKE. SUPLEXES THAT BOY LIKE. HE JUST. HITS THE GROUND AND THEY BOTH FREEZE AND ARMIN FREEZES BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK. AND THEN ANNIE STANDS UP AND SHE’S LIKE. SHE JUST STANDS THERE BECAUSE SHE REALLY HADN’T MEANT TO DO THAT AT FUCKING ALL IT WAS JUST INSTINCT SHE HOPES HE ISN’T DEAD AND THEN EREN STANDS UP AND HE’S LIKE "damn" AND ANNIE IS LIKE "oh…woops?" and EREN IS LIKE ANNIE PLEASE but it’s fine cause eren just stands up and it’s no big deal and he asks annie to teach the movie to him and she’s like NO WAY but then she’s like yeah ok so he PUMPS HIS FIST AND HE’S LIKE. HELL YEAH AND THEN. AND THEN. ARMIN’S PHONE. RINGS AND HE. ANSWERS AND IT’S LIKE. MIKASA. AND SHE”S JUST BREATHING HEAVILY AND SHE’S LIKE "is he with you?" and ARMIN IS LIKE???? BUT MIKASA CAN HEAR EREN IN THE BACKGROUND AND THEN. LIKE. ONE MINUTE LATER. MIKASA IS THERE. AND ARMIN IS JUST. STANDING IN THE DOORWAY. AND EREN IS JUST. STANDING IN FRONT OF ANNIE ON HIS FRONT LAWN AND. MIKASA JUST. PUNCHES EREN IN THE FACE. AND EREN JUST. GOES DOWN. AND HE’S LIKE "MIKAS WHAT THE FUCK" AND MIKASA IS LIKE "EREN. YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE DATING ANYONE. YOU LIED TO ME" and eren is like ???? AND THEN. MIKASA IS LIKE. "eren hAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING SAFE HAVE YOU BEEN USING PROTECTION EREN I WANT YOU HOME BY 7 EVERY NIGHT EREN HAVE YOU BEEN KISSING EREN YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET DISEASES FROM THAT EREN ARE YOU BEING A GENTLEMAN EREN ARE YOU-" and eren is like "MIKASAAAAA" and she’s like she turns to annie and she’s like "annie i don’t think eren is ready for a relationship i don’t think he can handle it i haven’t trained him yet he’s still a dumbass" and annie’s like "you can pass that responsibility onto me" and then. it’s like. oh shit. because now mikasa and annie are having like. a staredown moment and it’s so awkward and armin’s like oh fuck are they going to KILL EACH OTHER? and then HANJI WHISTLES. LIKE AND EVERYONE LOOKS AT HER. AND ARMIN ALMOST FALLS OVER CAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS BEHIND HIM AND. SHE’S WEARING ONE OF LEVI"S SHIRTS BUT IT DOESN’T FIT HER AT ALL AND SHE’S JUST WEARING UNDERWEAR ON HER LOWER HALF AND ITS SO AWKWARD AND SHE’S LIKE "TEENS THESE DAYS ARE SO DRAMATIC" and EVERYONE SUDDENLY FEELS ASHAMED BECAUSE THIS STRANGE WOMAN JUST CALLED THEM OUT ON THEIR SHIT  WHILE IN PINK UNDIES. SO THEN. EVERYONE GOES BACK INTO ARMIN’S HOUSE AND ARMIN"S LIKE "i’m…gonna get dressed" and he goes and brushes his hair and puts some cute clothes on and comes back downstairs and eren is sitting in between mikasa and annie and hanji is sitting on the chair and she has pants now and armin walks in and he sighs and he’s like "what the fuck is even going on" and eren is like "LIKE I SAID-" but then mikasa and annie both slap him and fix the bag of ice that was slipping off his head and then they look at each other and it’s so awkward and it’s like omfg. so armin is like. what is even happening. and everything is weird and as if. that. wasn’t bad enough. then. there is. another knock on the door. and armin’s like. WHAT NOW. WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE NOW and then levi comes out of the kitchen and he’s like "i’ll get it" and eren is like "UNCLE LEVI!" and levi looks at him like. eren pls. and he goes and opens the door and. connie SMASHES INTO HIM. LIKE. SMASHSES FULL FORCE. AND IF LEVI WASN’T AS STRONG AS HE WAS. HE WOULD’VE JUST. FALLEN OVER AND CONNIE’S LIKE "HEY I’M BACK FROM THE COUNTRY WE"RE HERE TO TAKE u to…breakfast." and then he realizes that he’s not smashed into armin but into some strange short man. and connie’s like oh FUCK. and then armin hear’s JEAN’s voice and jean’s like "CONNIE WHAT DID I SAY" and he steps inside and levi is like. fuckin christ is this a toddler party or something, all these little kids are here. and jean like walks in and his eyes go wide cause he just sees armin standing there and behind him is mikasa eren and annie and hanji and hanji waves. and then he’s like "uh. hey" and armin face palms (HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE FACE PALMED IN LIKE THE PAST 3 DAYS PROBABLY TOO MANY TIMES) because what THE FUCK THIS IS LIKE SOME DUMB SITCOM THIS IS SO DUMB LIKE. HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE IS EVERYONE INSANE?? so then jean stops staring and just looks at his watch and he’s like ”ARMIN LET’S GO C’MON” and armin’s like, what? and eren stands up and he’s like "WAIT I DIDN’T FINISH MY STORY" and jean’s like "FINE YOU CAN COME TOO WHAT EVER WE JUST GOTTA GO NOW SO WE CAN BEAT THE TRAFFIC" and annie grabs eren’s hand and she’s like "Uh…" and then eren’s like. Oh SHIT. and hanji kind of, walks over to them and she takes eren’s old spot and throws her arms around annie’s and mikasa’s shoulders and she’s like "YOU BOYS GO HAVE FUN WE’RE GONNA HAVE A GIRL PARTY HERE" and eren is like god bless u hanji and annie and mikasa look SO UNCOMFORTABLE, especially annie because ANNIE DOESN’T KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS? so then eren, armin, connie and jean leave armin’s house and get into connie’s gross pickup truck and eren calls shotgun so armin and jean have to sit in the super cramped back but that’s ok. so all the way there connie has some INTENSE dubstep playing and eren is JAMMING THE FUCK OUT cause he doesn’t want to think about the whole annie mikasa thing because now mikasa is gonna be extra momish and he’s like, i don’t fuckin need that i just wanna kiss annie’s nose. so ANYWAYS, they show up at this cute breakfast place in this gross, muddy pickup truck with some dubstep blowing out the speakers and like, connie parks and they get out of the car and there’s this old dude just looking at them like “what the fuck is wrong with you” and connie turns around and looks at eren, jean and armin and he’s like. ignore that judgmental sack of OLD. and they’re like ok man. so anyways they get seated at some table and there are a few old people around them but otherwise it’s pretty nice and quiet. THE NICEST PART THOUGH, is that their table, is A BOOTH HELL YES. So armin takes the inside seat and jean sits next to him and then connie and eren sit across from them and SO. eren’s like "armin i can’t remember what i usually get." and armin’s like "eren are you kidding me?" and eren makes a dumb face and he’s like "MIKASA ALWAYS ORDERS FOR ME ARMIN I FORGOT WHAT I USUALLY GET" and armin’s like jesus christmas. and jean makes the UGLIEST face at eren and he’s like "wow eren if you can’t even order your own food how do you expect to even…TO.." and armin’s like "don’t hurt yourself jean" and jean makes like a bunch of noises that are supposed to be words but aren’t words and armin needs a quick conversation change so he looks at connie and smiles and he’s like "CONNIE how was the country?" and connie’s face gets all bright cause he’s connie and he’s like "OH GOSH IT WAS GREAT OK LIKE. WOWZA. so my uncle has like, 10 dogs and one of them was pregnant and I WATCHED HER GIVE BIRTH IT WAS SO GROSS BUT i got to bring oNE OF THE PUPPIES HOME I NAMED HIM SPRINGER!" and eren snorts and he’s like "your dog’s name is springer springer?" and connie’s like "yEAH MAN IT’S THE COOLEST THING" and so anyways connie keeps talking about his uncles ranch and how he milked cows and did a lot of shit like he even painted a shed and whatever and it was great and some older woman kept hitting on him but he was like no thanks. so while he’s talking they order their drinks and the waitress brings those over and connie’s like in the middle of some wild tale about how he ate some food when jean blows his straw wrapper at eren’s face. and EREN IS LIKE "JEAN WHAT THE FUCK" and armin is like "jean why." and jean is giggling like a 12 year old and he thinks he’s so cool so eren KICKS JEAN REALLY. REALLY HARD IN THE SHIN. and jean just. makes this horrible noise and armin shoots eren a look but eren just shrugs and connie is laughing his ass off and the waitress walks back over and she’s like "you guys ready to order?" and they are so then like, connie gets just, toast or something weird idk, he gets like toast and pancakes or something and then armin has to order for eren cause eren still can’t remember eXACTLY what he usually gets so armin’s like, eggs with ham and cheese and chocolate chip pancakes. and then jean is in pain cause his shin hurts but he also orders chocolate chip pancakes and then armin just like gets regular pancakes or something and so then the waitress leaves and they calm down a bit and it’s chill again. and then eren is like. "OH. SO. OK. SO. armin ok. so…so. what do you think i should do about mikasa?" and armin’s like "eren you really wanna talk about that now?" and jean and connie are like "OH WE DON’T MIND" and they’re like, so interested cause they fucking love gossip like connie and jean (and also reiner) used to gossip together ALL THE TIME to the point where like marco wouldn’t even sit with them anymore becuase it was fucking ridiculous. so eren takes that as his cue to continue and he’s like "how am i supposed to go on a date with annie if mikasa is like, totally gonna follow us?" and armin sighs and he’s like "well eren, it’s MIKASA, of course she’s gonna do that because she’s worried and she CARES but she’ll get over it eventually, you’ll just have to wait it out." and eren groans because UGH he doesn’t WANT to DEAL with this. SO WHATEVER OK, then connie starts talking about his puppy again and armin feels a  hand on his thigh and he stiffens up and immediately looks at eren and connie but they’re like, super invested in their conversation about dogs. and then armin like, doesn’t move as he feels jean’s hand trailing up his thigh and then back down to his knee and armin eyes jean but jean isn’t even looking at him, he just has his head in his hand and a little smirk on his lips so armin is like, oh you piece of shit. so then he quietly scoots a little closer and means to put his hand on jean’s thigh too but MISS CALCULATES AND. PUTS HIS HAND, ON JEANS CROTCH LIKE. HE LIKE. GRABS AND SQUEEZES LIKE. OMFG. HE THOUGHT IT WAS HIS THIGH HE REALLY DID HE WAS TRYING TO BE COOL DAMMIT and JEAN MAKES THIS NOISE. JEAN MAKES. THIS HIGH PITCHED NOISE AND ARMIN IMMEDIATELY PULLS AWAY AND CONNIE AND EREN LOOK OVER LIKE, and eren is like "jean…you ok?" and jean’s face is FLUSHED so red and armin is fighting down his own blush cause DAMMIT and connie is like "jean you got the runs?" and jean is like "NO DAMMIT JUST IGNORE IT I’M FINE" and his voice sounds strained and…armin KNOWS HE SHOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS CAUSE HE JUST SQUEEZED HIS BOYTOY’S DICKIE IN A PUBLIC PLACE BUT…>BUT!!!! THAT’S. BUt LIKE. OK. ok like. he KNOWS he should feel bad but at the same time he can’t help but feel a little smug cause he made jean make that noise and…that was a nice noise. at least to armin it was. so now jean kind of has his hands awkwardly planted on the table cause he just doesn’t really know what he’s supposed to do cause he actually isn’t quite clear are what armin’s game is here was that supposed to be some kind of punishment? did he not want jean touching his leg? DID HE…WANT MORE? DID ARMIN WANT TO…PUBLICALLY DO THINGS? and SO NOW JEAN IS, freaking out cause he doesn’t really know what armin wants at all and armin like, is just sitting there trying not to laugh cause he FEELS LIKE A TERRIBLE PERSON BUT JEAN LOOKS SO FUNNY WHEN HE’S THINKING SO HARD LIKE THAT so armin decides to attempt to join eren and connie’s discussion, which has now switched to girls and what features they like best about them cause you know that’s what boys probably talk about at breakfast??? so eren is like "i like girls who’re strong as fuck" and connie laughs and he’s like "you mean u like it when girls beat you up" and eren is like "NO U DUMB STOP??" and armin is like "i like legs." and as he says it he starts running his hand up jean’s leg like jean had been doing to him before and this time armin actually grabs his leg and DOESN’T fuck it up royally. and eren is like "armin you’re gay you don’t count" and armin’s like "just cause i’m gay doesn’t mean there aren’t still features about girls that i think are attractive features to have" and connies like "he’s got a point dude i mean, i’m not about to bang a guy but i gotta say that if i WERE to bang a guy i’d totally do reiner. he’s got those nice muscles like, you know he’d keep you safe." and eren gags but doesn’t fucking DISAGREE cause everyone knows it’s fucking tru. so then armin continues like "i like long legs" and he like, accents his words by dragging his fingers up and down jean’s leg and he FEELS SO SMUG CAUSE JEAN HASN’T SAID A WORD AND HE’S PRETTY SURE JEAN HAS STOPPED BREATHING LIKE. HE FEELS ALMOST LIKE HE STOLE JEAN’S IDEA CAUSE JEAN STARTED THIS BUT. FUCK IT HE WAS GONNA LIVE HIS GODDAMN LIFE. "long, strong legs, that lead up to a strong torso with defined abs…and-" and eren starts gagging again and he’s like "PLEASE DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT MIKASA" and armin laughs because omfg eren you couldn’t be more wrong "i wasn’t…but that’s not to say mikasa wouldn’t fit the description" and like he waggles his eyebrows at eren and eren is like GROSS MAN GROSS EUGH and connie is just kind of like "eren your sister is kind of hot though…i mean. we alll here can agree mikasa is hot, right jean?" and armin notices that jean’s knuckles are like, white from him gripping them so tightly and he’s breathing in like, tiny little breaths you know how that goes. and jean’s just like “HUH?” and connie is like “do you think mikasa’s HOT. I KNOW YOU DO?” and then jean is like “WHAT?” cause he’s just so out of it and connie is like “DO YOU THINK MIKASA IS HOT?” and he says it so loud that like the old people at the neighboring table look at them funny and armin takes that moment to like. dig his nails (NOT PAINFULLY THOUGH) in the meat of jean’s thigh that’s close to his dickstick BUT IS NOT AT THE STICK YET Just close to the stick like. the little cavern of not dick that is between your legs in ur crotch area ya feel me? and jean goes “FUUUUUCK ARM-“ and he ALMOST SAYS ARMIN’S NAME BUT HE COVERS IT UP LIKE “S ARMS ARMS I LOVE MIKASA’S ARMS. FUCK YES. I LOVE HER ARMS. MIKASA IS REALLY HOT LIKE WOAH MAN. IS HEAVEN MISSING AN ANGEL CAUSE???” and connie and eren are like omfg jean what the fuck.  and armin is trying SO hard not to laugh and then he sees the waitress coming back over so he quickly and quietly lets go of jean’s leg and jean like. inhales this huge breath but JUST SO HAPPENS TO DO IT. RIGHT WHEN THE WAITRESS IS LIKE. STANDING RIGHT THERE so he inhales her perfume (she just like. redosed her perfume like. cause she thinks eren’s hot but shh don’t tell him that girl he already has a GIRLFRIEND) but anyways so then jean has this manic coughing fit that’s like. unreal. and armin starts rubbing his back and eren and connie are like what the fuck is wrong with this dude. cause jean got even WEIRDER over summer like. he didn’t used to be THAT weird did he? maybe armin’s to blame who knows. OK SO THEn jean calms the fuck down and everyone calms down and they start eating and talking with their mouth’s full (except armin. armin is chewing his food before talking cause he’s a civilized human being thank u very much) and they start talking about hot wheels cause that’s what boys talk about and then connie tries to talk about tonka trucks but eren is like FUCK YOU CONNIE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT HOT WHEELS and jean is like YEAH MAN WHAT THE FUCK and connie is like I’M SORRY. and then they start talking about how bad drugs are for your health cause I’m also positive that that is another topic boys often talk about. so they’re eating all their food and it’s so good and jean gets chocolate on his face so armin just swipes his thumb over it and tastes it and JEAN BLUSHES SO HARD AND LOOKS AWAY REALLY FAST BECAUSE ARMIN WHAT THE FUCK and eren is rolling his eyes because wow that was gay. and then armin steals some of jean’s pancakes cause they’re good. SO ANYWAS. THEN jean suddenly just. finishes his food and then he’s like. “armin could you show me where the bathroom is” and armin’s like. “jean it’s…right there. right behind us? like. you can see it from here?” and jean is like. “armin I need you to show me. I don’t see it.” and eren is like “jean…it’s right there I’m pointing at it.” and jean is like “ARMIN PLEASE SHOW ME WHERE THE GODDAMN BATHROOM IS” and armin’s like “WHAT THE HECK OK? MOVE THEN! I CAN’T GET OUT OF THE BOOTH UNTIL YOU MOVE” and jean gets up and eren is about to ask what the heckie is going on right now but then connie gets a text from an unknown number (which turns out to be hanji. she got his number from mikasa’s phone) and so then connie is like. OMF WHO COULD IT BE. and eren’s like. WOAHHhhhh. and so while they’re distracted jean grabs armin’s arm and tries to drag him to the bathroom but armin’s like um what the fuck? so he like pulls away and jean tries to give him ~the look~ but ends up smacking into the wall to the hallway that leads to the bathroom and he’s like “FUCKING HELL” and armin is like. shit. and he takes the few steps over to jean and jean’s nose is fucking bleeding and armin’s like. JESUS CHRIST. so armin looks at eren and they make eye contact and he points at jean and eren sees his bloody nose and he starts laughing because OH MY GOD HOW MANY TIMES HAS THIS KID’S NOSE BLED. so anyways jean is like tilting his head back and armin leads him into the one person bathroom and like closes the door and whatever and gets some tissues and jean sits down on the toilet (the lid is closed ok it’s fine) and armin starts wiping at his nose and like, hands him more tissues and starts chuckling and jean’s like “what’s so funny?” and armin’s just like “I dunno I just think it’s funny that some couples go through their entire lives together and never have to wipe up one another’s bloody noses but like in this past month I’ve already wiped your bloody nose like…4 times is it now? is this the 4th time?” (the first was when eren punched him, the second was when he challenged armin to a race and his shoe laces were untied and he fell like, flat on his fucking face, and then the third was when he was laughing so hard he accidentally kneed himself in the face) and jean groans and he’s like “I just have a sensitive nose armin, some people would consider that a good thing.” and armin laughs again and his expression softens and jean looks elsewhere cause his boyfriend is so cute he’s getting a serious heart boner here. and armin’s like

“don’t act so offended, gosh you’re such a baby sometimes.” “what? NO WAY. I’M THE BABY? no fucking way I’m not a goddamn baby, you’re a baby.” “don’t even start this conversation I will run you into the ground with my grown up knowledge of things and I won’t wipe up your stupid bloody nose after I do it.” and jean scoffs because jesus Christ armin is so LAME. so then jean’s nose seems to have calmed down and armin washes his hands and he’s about to turn around to be like, “you ready to go?” but he’s suddenly being pushed into the wall and he lets out a surprised weird noise and jean’s face is now in his space and he’s like. um. ok? and armin’s about to be all like yo wassup man but tHEN SUDDENLY JUST. JEAN IS JUST LIKE KISSING ARMIN LIKE. REALLY INTENSE LIKE. HELLO THERE FRIEND LIKE WOAH THERE. and armin is like. *muffled noises of surprise!* and jean is like kissing him with PASSION MAN (I need new words to describe intense kissing what whatever) and armin is like. this is a bathroom but I’m gonna kiss him back anyways? so he DO. he kisses him back and. damn then it just gets steamy like. they’re in a bathroom right but it has the sink right like, don’t forget about that sink it’ll show up in about like 2 seconds ok. so armin and jean are kissing and jean pulls away and he’s like “I’ve been meaning to ask…” and armin is like *heavy breathing* “yeah?” and then jean just SHOVES his knee between armin’s legs (but by shoves I mean like the sexy shove not the bad one) and he’s like “is this the leg you wanted? you sure were touching it an awful lot before” and armin laughs but his laugh is breathless and he’s like “was that supposed to be sexy” and just as he tries to finish his sentence jean shoves his leg more forcefully and armin has to cover his mouth cause he makes a noise and he’s gonna make more if he don’t shut the fuck up. and that’s when he remembers where they are and he suddenly gets like. a tiny bit of panic but then he’s like. no it’s ok it’s ok who gives a fuck I’m gonna live my life cause jean isn’t thinking about the consequences he’s just doing it so I’m GONNA DO IT TOO so he just shoves his face into jean’s collar bone and jean’s like, smelling armin’s hair or something and he’s like “was that sexy enough for you?” and armin’s like “jean I don’t think the dirty talk works for us” and then jean pushes him more into the wall and he’s like “you only say that cause you’re scared I’m gonna say something super hot next and you’re just gonna blow ur load in ur pants” and armin snorts again because jean sucks at this and armin’s like “no jean like. dirty talk just. it. we’re not. I mean….it doesn’t…you’re doing it wrong, sorry I know you’re trying and I really appreciate it a lot but…you’re uh…not…KILLING the mood per say but? More, uh, damaging the mood! Yes.” and jean pulls away from armin to look at him like and he’s like “alright armin sensei why don’t you fucking give me an example of good dirty talk then huh?” and he starts kissing armin’s neck a bit and armin’s like awww yeaah. so now armin feels like an idiot because he has no idea what he’s supposed to say he just knows jean was not saying the right thing either and now he’s like, fuck I shouldn’t have said anything? should I make a joke? will he take me serious? so then armin finally decides on going with a joke because jean’s a (kind of) funny guy and armin would much prefer a laugh over seriously fucking something up and then jean using that against him forever and ever. so he just. whispers like. in his best porno voice like            “C-cock?” like. that’s all he says. LIKE. ThAT’S IT. AND JEAN STOPS. LIKE. JEAN JUST. FREEZES AND ARMIN IS LIKE. ARMIN CAN FEEL HIS FACE HEATING UP BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK DID HE EVEN FUCKING SAY THAT THAT WAS TERRIBLE OMG. and then jean just. starts LAUGHING SO HARD. LIKE. JEAN IS LAUGHING SO HARD AND JEAN JUST YELLS            “COCK!” and armin is trying not to laugh because this is DUMB but he starts LAUGHING AND LIKE. DOES EVERY MAKEOUT SESSION HAVE TO STOP BECAUSE THEY START LAUGHING???? THIS SUCKS BUT ALSO HE can’t stop the giggles they attacking him. so he starts laughing and like. just goes            “CoCK!” again and then jean yells cock and they’re both in fucking hysterics on a bathroom floor like seriously what the fuck is wrong with them and jean has to sit on the ground and this is gross because this is a gross bathroom floor but it’s actually a pretty nice bathroom anyways but that’s not the point ok but whatever so then there’s a bang on the door and it startles jean so he hits his head on the sink and he’s like “FUCK OWW GODDAMN IT” and armin goes            “SORRY!” but he doesn’t know why??? he just. and then he’s like “I mean wait. i. idk. what????” and then there’s another bang and armin’s just like “uuhh UH OCCUPIED???” and then eren is like            “ARMIN IT’S ME OPEN THE DOOR” and armin’s like. WHAT THE FUCK? so he opens the door and eren and connie like. FALL in and they slam the door behind them and they’re breathing really hard. and armin is like. uhhh. and connie looks at jean. who’s on the ground, and his clothes are all ruffled and his cheeks are still red and armin’s clothes are ruffled and his cheeks are red and connie starts smiling. and he’s like            “no way. you guys are NASTY” and armin is like            “WHAT?? WE DIDN’T. WHAT?” and connie makes that “you like crabby patties don’t u squidward” face at jean and he’s like            “Y’all were planning a little dick together. See it’s like, get together but I said dick instead cause you would be having a get together for your dicks in the sexual sense ya feel?” and then eren’s like            “woah wait WHAT?” and armin’s like            “NO. no. no. what? no? NO. NoNO. Jean’s nose was bleeding so I just helped him clean it up connie jesus Christ!” and connie then looks at armin and gets all up in his face and he’s like            “yeah right. I know what it smells like when animals are in heat” and then everyone in the room just. looks at connie because. connie….connie PLS. but then armin is like            “WHAT. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN HERE ANYWAYS I CLEARLY SAID OCCUPIED!” and eren is like            “WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW” and jean finally stands up and he’s rubbing the back of his head and he’s like            “what? WHY?” and eren’s like            “mY MOM IS HERE” and jean is like            “Carla’s here?” and eren is like            “DON’T. CALL MY MOM BY HER FIRST NAME THAT’S. FUCKING WEIRD.”            “Carla is a beautiful woman I prefer to not remind myself she’s related to you…” and eren is like            “FUCK YOU.” and connie is like            “I wanna call her Carla too” and eren is like. “ NO ONE IS CALLING HER CARLA.” and then armin is like            “So why is it such a big deal that Carla’s here?” and Eren is like. UGH and he’s like            “BECAUSE. MIKASA TOLD HER I WAS DATING ANNIE BEFORE SHE CAME TO BEAT ME UP” and then everyone is like…ok?? and erne is like “I”VE NEVER DATED ANYONE BEFORE?” and they’re all still like…ok??? and then eren is like “MY MOM DOESN’T WANT ME DATING UNTIL I’M 20? SHE DOESn”T THINK I CAN HANDLE IT.” and everyone in the room groans and jean is like            “Carla…such a beautiful woman, such a loving person, but such a strict mother. What a tragedy.” and anyways so now they’re all just. standing in the bathroom. the ONE person bathroom. and… armin’s like            “Did you pay the bill? Leave a tip?” and eren’s like            “Yeah.” so then armin’s like            “Ok well we just have to get out and get passed Carla then right? That’s not too hard.  I’m assuming Mr. Jaeger is with her too right?—”            “SO YOU CALL MY MOM CARLA BUT YOU CALL MY DAD MR. JAEGER?? REALLLY?? THAT’S FUCKING WEIRD CAN’T YOU GUYS JUST CALL HER MS. J???” so then connie’s like            “Ms. Yay would be better cause like, pronounciation wise right?” but eren just looks at him like really connie are you kidding me. so then armin just continues like            “—As I was saying…so under the assumption Carla is out to breakfast with her husband, we simply just have to sneak passed them. I’m sure we can find a route…anyone have a map?”            “armin jesus Christ no. let’s all just switch clothes.” and everyone looks at jean like. jean what. and jean continues like “well like. we’ll…be less noticeable…if. wait. nevermind idk what im talking about. fuck this is dumb let’s just go.” and armin is like.            “I like that plan let’s go with that” and connie is like            “but don’t mom’s have special senses? MINE DOES LIKE. she knows where my lost things are or she knows when I’m not doing the stuff I’m supposed to like. she knows that stuff and it’s weird so like. won’t Carla know what’s up?” but armin already has his hands on the doorknob and he’s opening it. and some dude is standing there about to knock and it’s really awkward because honestly like what the fuck would you think if you were about to knock on a bathroom door and then four teenage boys walked out instead and all looked out of breath like. how fucking weird would that be?            Armin tries to smile at the guy like, you know like, to give him an apologetic smile but it accidentally apparently comes off as flirty according to how jean frowns and punches armin in the shoulder and armin’s like OW.  So anyways they try and nonchalantly walk past their table and into the hall that leads to the front hall that leads to the exit right? so like. I should draw a diagram of this to make it make more sense (NOTE TO SELF PLS DRAW DIAGRAM TOMORROW) (note to world. I did not draw the diagram. it’s not happening. I’m sorry.) and armin tries to look over and see if he can sneak a glance at eren’s ma to see what she’s doing but he sees the table first and. there IS NO TIP THERE? and armin is like. JESUS CHRIST. and he’s like            “(EREN DIDN’T YOU SAY YOU LEFT A TIP??)” and eren is like            “(HURRY WE GOTTA GET PAST HER SHE CAN’T SEE ME)” so armin like. just. takes like. 6 dollars or something and throws it on the table because eren obviously did NOT leave a tip and eren is a LIAR. so everyone is in the clear except for armin who’s still standing by the table and he takes the chance to look at eren’s mom and then he just. he can’t believe it. he’s staring for like. a minute and eren is like            “(ARMIN C’MON)” and armin turns and looks at eren and his face is just. armin’s like. armin stops SNEAKING and just stomps over to where jean, eren and connie are and he’s like            “Eren…that. is not. your mom.” and he’s so MAD cause they interrupted his makeout for this. THAT’S LIKE THE 2nd TIME EREN HAS COCK BLOCKED ARMIN AND ARMIN’S LIKE EREN PLS. and eren makes this dumb face and looks around the little wall they’re safely standing behind and he sees the woman sitting and he’s like            “oh…woops.” BECAUSE IT’S NOT HIS MOM AT ALL AND ARMIN FEELS SO FUCKING DUMB THIS WAS SO DUMB AND JEAN IS LIKE EREN ARE YOU FOR REAL AND CONNIE STARTS LAUGHING SO HARD SO THEY All JUST LEAVE AND ARMIN IS SO MAD OMFG AND EREN IS LIKE ARMIN I’M SORRY I REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS HER AND ARMIN’S LIKE EREN OMFG YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION AND EREN’S LIKE            “ARMIN I’M SORRY DON’T DRoP THAT-“ and he STOPS and they’re at the car and armin stops and jean and connie look kind of confused because what the fuck why did they just stop midstep and they look at eren and armin and are like. uh let’s get in the car? but then armin whispers like            “durkadurk” and then eren is like            “don’t drop that” and they’re both like “DURKAdURK AYEEE DON”T DROP THAT DURKADURK-“ and then connie is like let’s get in da truck der bois. and everyone gets in the car and jean sits in the front this time and armin and eren are laughing together and are best friends again because that’s how they avoid pointless fights and shit like fucking vines jesus Christ. (and I mean like meanwhile, annie, hanji, levi and mikasa are like, sitting in silence just sipping water and then finally at some point annie and mikasa come to some agreement or something and are now friends idk it’s all good now) fuck it whatever we’re time skipping cause this thing is long enough already and most of all this stuff doesn’t matter I just wanted to type it out alright. BAABBABAAAAABAOOOoooooooOM alright. so heyo guess what guess what it’s like 4 days before the wedding? what the fuck???? I know it’s crazy but it’s true. so anyways, armin and jean are walking through some furniture store or something and armin is trying to help jean find a wedding present and jean’s like            “Why can’t I just get them something that’s a surprise?” and armin groans and he’s like            “Jean I told you like 8 times, you can do that if you want but they won’t be happy! They’re starting a new life together you should really get them something they asked for on their list! A wedding present is about showing that you care but it’s also about helping a couple prepare for their future together!”            “Yeah but. Why do they want RED plates why not BLUE.” and armin sighs and he’s like            “Jean if you don’t care about it that much why did you make me come along?” and then jean makes this pouty face and he scratches the back of his head and he’s like            “does that mean you didn’t want to come?” and then armin is surprised cause he didn’t really think that what he’d just said would hurt jean’s feelings but jean sounds like he’s just so HURT that armin’s like. woah there. so armin’s all            “jean don’t be silly I love spending time with you, you KNOW I do. But I’d rather spend my time with you maybe…NOT in a furniture store? They’re always so loud and crowded with expensive furniter and strange dishes and things it’s weird” and then jean smiles and he’s like            “you’ve obviously never had fun in a furniture store huh?” and armin’s like            “excuse me? what?” and then jean takes armin’s hand and he’s like            “armin. I’m about to teach you how to live” AND THEN CUT TO LIKE. SOME DUMB 80s MONTAGE OF THEM RUNNING AROUND IKEA OR SOME SHIT IDK WHERE THEY EVEN ARE LIKE AT FIRST I WAS THINKING CRATE AND BARREL BUT IDK IF THEY HAVE LIKE. GOOD FURNITURE SETUPS OR SOMETHINGWHATER OK THEY’RE LIKE. LIKE IF YOU’VE SEEN 500 DAYS OF SUMMER THAT’S THE THING THEY’RE DOING. WHERE THEY GO AND PRENTEND THEY’RE MARRIED AND LIVING IN ONE OF THE FURNITURE SETS IDK IF THIS MAKES SENSE AT ALL BUT THAT’S WHAT’S GOING DOWN AND IT’S SUPER GAY AND CUTE AND HAPPPY AND THEN THEY GET ASKED TO LEAVE THE STORE BECAUSE THEY’RE CAUSING A DISTURBINCE. so anyways now they’re outside right and they’re laughing so hard because that was so DUMB and they got fucking kicked out of IKEA for fucks sake like that takes some skill and they just feel so cool and radical and so they go to jean’s dumb car (???  I think he would have one???? probably???  well idk if I said he didn’t have one before or something I don’t think I ddi but whatever cause he has one now) and like. armin lays his seat all the way back and jean climbs on top of him and they start making out in his car and it gets all hot and whatever (but actually they aren’t even making out that intensely like it’s more like. kissu kissu giggle time) but it’s still steamy like how in the titanic they have sex in the car and the windows smoke up and then there’s the handprint but they don’t do the handprint thing or anything and like the windows don’t fog up either AND THERE iS NO SEX JUST THE KISSINGS but that was just to describe the passion ANYWAYS ok. ok. and then idk they go for ice cream or something and it’s gay and fun ok whatever so then they had a great day and thye go back to armin’s house and makeout some more and they’re kissing on armin’s bed (they hang out at armin’s house a lot cause his grandpap is either out with babes or sleeping usually so they’ve basically got the house to themselves like. they’ve been to jean’s house a couple times but his mom always purposefully inturupts them to make fun of jean or something like that) and then they’re like, taking a breath and armin’s suddenly like            “jean. have you ever thought about…intercourse?” and if jean had been drinking water he would have comically spit it all over the place and he’s like            “UM LIKE. INTERCOURSE LIKE…SEX UM. WELL YEAH I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT. AS A SUBJECT I MEAN. WE HAD TO TAKE SEX ED SO I WOULD HAVE FAILED IF I HADN’T THOUGHT  A-ABOUT IT RIGHT????” and armin is like            “no I mean…s-sex personally….for yourself.”            “um. uh. i. I guess? I mean I think? UNLESS you mean having sex with myself because then I’ve only thought about it once??? but like it waS LIKE A WEIRD DREAM LIKE. IT WASN’T LIKE. I’M. NOT GOING TO. I MEAN LIKE I HAVEn”T. I Don’T WANT TO. HAVE MY. OWN. DICK IN MY ASS REalLY UM. LIKE-” and armin’s makes a frustrated noise and he’s like            “NO i. SEX WITH. ME. WITH US. SEX WITH US. SEX. HAVE YOU. THOGUHT ABOUT US AS IN. YOU aND ME. DOING THE DO? WE’VE NEVER TALKED ABOUT SEX WITH EACH OTHER SO I-I’M CURIOUS IS ALL.” and then jean just. freezes and he’s like            “oh…” and then it’s really awkward and armin really REALLY regrets saying anything because that was dumb BECAUSE it’s not like they’ve even been dating for THAT long how could he bring that up? Like armin just. armin wants…more but not like. like IF JEAN DOESN”T WANT THAT. ARMIN IS FINE WITH THAT BUT. IF JEAN WANTS THAT AND ARMIN ALSO DOES THEN HE’S LIKE WHY ARE WE NOT DOING THE SEX???? but anyways so then jean kind of sits back on his haunches  (is that even the right word idk) and then he’s like.            “um…” and he kind of flops back and leans his back against armin’s wall he’s got his legs spread out and armin kind of scoots over to the other wall by his pillow and curls up by that (LIKE. HIS BED IS IN A CORNER. SO. THERE’S THE LONGER WALL AND THEN THE WALL, WHERE THE PILLOW GOES. LIKE. I HOPE THAT MAKES SENSE) and like he’s got his knees to his chest and he’s all curled up and he  rests his cheek on his knee and turns his head to jean but looks away at the floor and sighs and he’s like            “I’m sorry I know I shouldn’t have brought it up I hope I didn’t make you incredibly uncomfortable or something like that I really didn’t mean to weird you out I just thought it would be a good idea to b-bring it up maybe? I know I could have done it with so much more tact and such, but…it’s um, not an easy thing to say really? BUT WOW, maybe it’s hard to say because I probably shouldn’t have said it maybe that’s why it was hard to say haha? I’m sorry if you’re mad we don’t have to talk about this anymore ever again wow if you don’t want to we can like pretend it never even happened and-“ and armin doesn’t even realize he’s like, he’s gasping for air cause he didn’t really take any pauses while talking and he’s kind of panicking a bit here because yo kissing was one thing but he’s asking if jean’s thought about this and that probably implies he’s thought about this and HE HAS. SO NOW HE’S LIKE. HE”S FREAKING OUT CAUSE WAS IT TOO WEIRD TO SAY THAT???? and jean is running his hands nervously through his hair while watching armin like, have breathing problems and a panic attack and then jean’s just like            “I’m. not….i. yeah I’ve thought about it…a lot.” and then suddenly armin feels a lot better because he thought jean would’ve thought about it because it’s kind of hard not to…think about things? AT LEAST FOR HIM but he KNOWS jean and jean would be the type to think about it but it just. armin can’t help but feel relieved at hearing his boy say that. “I just. I mean. I like kissing you, no I mean I LOVE kissing you so…that’s ok with me too but uh. I mean. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re…not um. I didn’t even. know how to… you know like bring it up and uh. I MEAN. I. JUST. IT’S WEIRD BECAUSE. ARMIN USUALLY I. DON”T THINK ABOUT THINGS YOU KNOW. I’M. I. TRUST MYELF IN A LOT OF THINGS BUT. NOT. I Don’T KNOW I. THIS IS. WEIRD I. URHG I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT A LOT I THINK ABOUT IT A LOT ARMIN.” and this convo is getting so emotionally deep over here and armin is like            “m-me too!!!! like. every other night honestly. jean I don’t think you realize how often you just. TAKE OVER my thoughts it’s incredible! Some nights I just…can’t stop thinking about you…not for a second it’s…I mean especially recently I haven’t even been able to concentrate on anything that doesn’t have to do with you or thoughts of you and….” and jean’s like            “NO NO NO SAME I’VE BEEN. TRYING TO NOT THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO LIKE. GET MYSELF ALL WORKED UP ABOUT SOMETHING AND THEN PRESSURE YOU BY ACCIDENT BECAUSE.. I DIDN’T WANT TO EXPECT SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN BUT I’VE JUST. I WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF IT’D NEVER HAPPEN OR THAT WE’D BREAK UP BEFORE IT COULD HAPPEN OR SOMETHING BUT EVEN I DIDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BREAK UP WITH YOU AT ALL AND I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU SO MUCH ARMIN I RealLY DO AND I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU. SO FUCKING MUCH LATELY AND MORE THAN…JUST. I’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THINGS WE. UH. HAVEN’T DONE YET. SO. I UH. HAHA.” and so basically they’re these two dumb teen boys sitting on a dumb bed with a baby blue bedspread in a  room that still has glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. and they’re both blushing about how they’ve thought about each other naked and are having a conversation about it and how they aren’t opposed to the idea of sexy sex and they’re. sitting like. basically. right next to each other??? and not kissing??? it’s like. what are you doing.            so jean like, wipes his sweaty palms on his knees and armin lifts his head and puts his hands up to his own cheeks and just kind of slaps his face because he can’t believe this is real and jean is like, nervously looking at everything that isn’t armin and armin is still awkwardly curled up and neither of them know what to do because they’ve just had this talk but…what…now? so then armin mumbles something and jean’s like            “hah what?” and armin looks right at jean and he’s got a little pouty face (he doesn’t realize it’s as cute as it is cause armin doesn’t know how kawaii he is) and he’s like            “I was the one that asked you out the least you could…could DO is…TAKE SOME initiative and, you know, KISS ME after a talk like this??” and jean makes this like. APPAULED face and he’s like            “I TOLD YOU I LIKED YOU FIRST THOUGH” and armin’s like            “YOU DIDN’T CONFIRM WHICH LIKE IT WAS THOUGH SO IT DOESN’T COUNT?” and JEAN LIKE. SITS UP ON HIS KNEES AND HE’S like            “WHAT THE FUCK NO WAY IT TOTALLY COUNTS. I TOUCHED YOUR LEG FIRST AT THAT BREAKFAST PLACE TOO!” and armin sits up on HIS knees and they’re awkwardly like, arguging about this while sitting up on their knees on armin’s bed and armin’s like

           “I WAS THE ONE THAT SQUEEZED YOUR CROTCH!”            “I’VE INITIATED LIKE 4 MAKEOUT SESSIONS ALREADY!”            “YOU ONLY DID IT AFTER I LIKE. TOLD YOU TO OR. HINTED AT IT OR SOMETHING.” and jean makes this ugly face and he’s like            “THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT YOU’VE ADVANCED OUR ~**~SEXUAL~**~ RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN I HAVE! YOU’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING WITH ME HERE!” and armin’s like            “I’d love to be fucking with you.” and then there is just. a stunned silence like. jean is like ‘HOLY SHIT???’ and armin’s like ‘DID I. REALY JUST SAY THAT???’            “I-“ and THEN THERE IT IS. THERE IT IS I CANT BELIEVE IT THERE IS THE LOUD BURST OF “Wobbledy wobble, wo-wo-wobble, wobbin’ Ass so fat, all these bitches’ pussies is throbbin’ Bad bitches, I’m your leader, Phantom by the meter Somebody point me to the best ass-eater Tell ‘im “Pussy clean!” I tell them “Pussy squeaky!” which is jean’s ringtone and he just checks it like, his plan was to just look at it really fast and then like kiss armin to death but like. he sees it’s. his. MOM AND HE’S LIKE. oh fUCK. and armin’s face kind of. falls cause he was ready to get freaky but now it’s not freaky time no more. anD jean LOOKS AT ARMIN AND. JEAN MAKES THE. SADDEST FACE ARMIN’S EVER SEEN AND HE’S LIKE.            “I GOTTA GO I’M SORrY” and armin’s like. it’s k. and then as jean’s leaving armin’s house like armin can hear him answering his phone and he’s like            “MOM SERIOUSLY WHAT. OH REALLY? GREAT JUST. FANTASTIC. NO I WILL NOT STOP USING THIS TONE WITH YOU JESUS CHRIST-“ and armin hear’s the front door slam and he’s like. how many fucking times can two teens get interrupted when they’re just trying to do sexy things? like. does the world not want them to do sexy things or something like what the fuck is this?            so now armin and his dick are sad and he’s mad because jean was very attractive today as he is everyday but especially today and armin just wants to lick his arms and neck or something? like armin don’t even know what he wants he just wants the boy but the boy keep leavin. but ARMIN Is. VERY. hORNY KIND OF. LIKE??? HE. WANTS THE SEX. BUT THE SEX NOT HERE FOR HIM TO HAVE. AND HIS BOY IS GONE AND HE. JUST BUILT UP A LOT OF FUCKING COURAGE AND NOW HE’S LIKE…WHAT. THE FUCK??? and so he sits and thinks for a while cause he doesn’t know what else to do and he’s like this is so so so dumb and then he gets a text right? yes. a text. and he looks at his phone and. there it is.            Jean: what r u wearing??? ;) and armin laughs because he knows jean is trying to like. make the interruption less painful or something like. whatever idk. he likes jean a lot. Armin: You’re not driving and texting are you? Cause if you are just text me when you get home…            Armin: And I’m wearing the same thing I was when you left.            Jean: coola ur jets hotshota im’ at a store waitin in line Jean: *HOTSHOT *HOTSHOT *SHOT SHOT SHOT NOT SHOTA I’m SOOSORY FUCKING HELAEE            Armin: What’d your mom call you for? Jean: UGH, She was all ealike “JeAN U BEEN OUT ALL FUCKIN DAY BEIN GAY WITH UR BF COME HOME NAD FEED THA DAMN DOG” and I’m LIKE, FUCKING HELL FEED THE DODG YOURERELSEF??? AND SHE’s LIKE “WE HAVE NO MORE DGO FOODA GO BUY IT” AND Im SO FUCKING PISSED Off”            Armin: omg seriously? I’m sorry that’s actually fucking lame. Jean: RIGHT???????? OH SHTi THE GUY. ONE SEC. GONNA. BUY DOG FOD TEXT U WHEN I’m HOME OK            Armin: kk so then arm smiles and like. flops back on his bed and he’s calmed down a bit like. he’s in that mood where like. he could go out and eat dinner but like if he had to go out and eat dinner with jean and jean said something sexual then he would kill him with sexy thing. (hopefully that made sense cause I have no idea how to explain it otherwise cause I’m really baD AT THIS STUFF OMFG SOORY I HAVE NOE XPERIENCE????) ok ok so armin actually like. realizes he wants to take a shower so he goes and takes a fast one and cools off and all that and whatever anD while he’s getting out of the shower he hears his phone text noise and he’s like OOH. so he just wraps a towel around his waist and walks back to his room and like. closes the door obviously. and sits on his bed and YAY TEXT FROM THE BOY            Jean: honey im homo            Armin: *gasp*            Jean: HOME. I TPYED HOEM. HOEM. HOME. HOME NOT HOMO. Armin: The crowd waits with bated breath as the young and handsome Jean Kirschtein fumbles awkwardly with his phone as he attempts to correct his fatal mistake at admitting to his boyfriend that he may in fact…have some homo qualities.            Jean: that’s grat armin why Sony you tell me about oceans next?            Armin: Why Sony indeed. Asking life’s real questions I see.            Jean: ***WHY DON’T. Jean: FUCKIN. AUTOCORRECT Armin: what r u wearing??? ;) Jean: goddamit armin don’t make fun of me Armin: Cause I’m just wearing a towel ;) Jean: …really? Armin: Actually yes. I took a shower while I was waiting for you to text back. and then there’s this. this 5 min span of time. where jean doesn’t send anything back. and armin’s like…holy shit is he ok? like??? I wonder what happened??? and then finally jean’s like            Jean: can i see?            Armin: No. But you can imagine.            Jean: wanna. help me. imagine? Armin: Jean are you asking me to sext you? Because it really seems like you’re asking me to sext you.            Jean: uh. lmao. maybe. Armin: The towel is green. It’s pretty old but rather soft and is definitely good at helping one dry off.            Jean: HAHA oh! that’s sounds coal! Armin: My hair is still a bit wet despite the fact that I gave it what might be deemed as an acceptable towel drying as soon as I’d hopped out of the shower. My shower was relaxing by the way, thanks for asking. It was very warm and soothing…consequently those features are also applicable to your voice…regardless of that fact however, the centered spray of water helped me to work out some of the ridiculous kinks in my back. Armin: Though if I were to be completely honest with you? I think it might have been more enjoyable had it been your hands giving me a massage rather than the shower water. I’d really like to feel your hands on me. Jean: I’d flew tile to feel my hands aim you too Anton. Armin: You either turn autocorrect off or we’re not continuing this. Jean: OFF IT”S OFF it’S OFF IT’S OFF SORRY SORRY SORRY Armin: I don’t think sorry will be enough this time Jean. Jean: um are…you’re not breaking up with me are you? Armin: (HAVE YOU. NEVER. HEARD OF. ROLEPLAYING? OR. I DON’T KNOW LIKE. A LITTLE SOMETHING CALLED “SETTING THE MOOD”???) Jean: (OH WE’RE…DOING THIS???? WAIT WE’RE LIKE. I THOGUHT. YOU. I. THOGUHT YOU JUST DISMISSED MY. SEXT THING UH WOAHGMG OWhA) Armin: (WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD I HAVE GONE INTO SUCH DETAIL ABOUT MY SHOWER?) Jean: (I DUNNO YOU LIKE TO TALK AND TYPE A LOT SO I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST DESCRIBING YOUR. I MEAN. FUCK I’m. I MESSED THIS UP SHIT SHIT OK OK LET ME. START WE’LL START AGAIN OK OK OK OK ILL START) Jean: i bang on the door but theres no answer so i crash through the wall “give daddy some sugar” my voice is rough with the tang of sweet sex and there you are laying on the ground wearing nothing but pink stockings and panties Armin: What. Jean: i walk over to your petite yet manly body and run my hands up and down your hairless chest and then i pinch ur nips and u like that so u mewl like a kitten and then i also kiss you. then i take your cock and jerk it like theres no tomorrow and ur squealing like an animal all “JEAN JEAN JEAN” chanting my name just like that yeah baby Armin: IS. ARE YOU JOKING OR??? Jean: WAS IT BAD??? Armin: OH MY GOD APPARENTLY NEITHER OF US KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY SEXT. WHY DON’T THEY TEACH YOU THIS STUFF IN SCHOOL? Jean: FUCK IDK THIS IS TERRIBLE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN SUPPOSED TO SAY IN A SEXT LIKKE. WHAT??? Armin: YEAH LIKE WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY LIKE “I’ve got my cock in my hand now, stroking it slowly to thoughts of your rough, calloused fingers all over my body. Touching me everywhere” Jean: Um. actually…let’s. don’t. um. HOLD ON. LET’S OK. I’LL SET A SCENARIO AND THEN YOU. SAY STUFF. LIKE YOU DID JUST NOW. BECAUSE THAT WAS HOT. Armin: REALLY?? UM OK? Jean: EHEM. SO. im laying on top of you kissing your neck…and i guess you like that. i mean you usually like when i do that. you usually squirm a little bit and this shiver goes up your back, and its so intense even i can feel it and its really hot Armin: Ah. I do like it when you kiss my neck…I’ve actually always thought I hid that shiver well but apparently I was wrong, so I’m a bit embarrassed by that. But it’s hard to stay shy when you’ve got your hot 143 pound boyfriend on top of you, sucking on your neck. Jean: im laughing cause you’re so cute i cant handle it sometimes. Armin: I. feel your breath tickling my neck and can’t help but blush a bit. frustrated and embarrassed, i grab your face in my hands and press our lips together. Jean: (now we’re talking) i deepen the kiss and search your mouth i guess. (lol search for what? gold or some shit idfk) im searching it with my tongue i mean. and i dunno you let out a little noise or something (am i doing his right?) Armin: (yeah like I’m the person to ask if you’re doing this right or not) i…I guess I grab a fistful of your hair now and um, jerk your head to the side and force my tongue into your mouth for a search of its own. then I run my foot up the back of your leg and back down again Jean: im gettin p hot and bothered tbh at this point (um like actually in real life too like idk bout you but I think….we’re doin something right cause…I dunno its kinda hot right?) and I groan a bit cause I like it when you pull on my hair like that yeah.  I feel your foot going up my leg and shiver, like, I want you so fucking bad it hurts. Armin: (jean calm down and stop breaking character you’re doing fine. and yeah I’m getting…hot and bothered too I guess…I mean I kind of was already  like in the shower-ish and like, when you left and whatever like. been thinking about this whole. scenario and whatnot and uh yeah, bu Armin: (FUCK I HIT ENTER TOO EARLY PRETEND I NEVER SENT THAT I WAS TRYING TO DELETE IT JUST FORGET IT PLEASE OK SORRY SORRY) I’m getting impatient now so I break for a breath and let my hands sneak down between us and I start unbuckling your belt. slowly though, tortuously slow. Jean: i kind of want to punch you right now because fuck you Armin: haha, that’s the plan. I have your belt unbuckled now so stop your whining. I then let my hand slip into your pants and I palm you through your… (boxers? uh, this is awkward because I know we were joking before but um. what are you wearing? or rather, what DO you wear…?) Jean: how hard Armin: ??? Jean: how hard r u. palmibg gmme Armin: (Oh. uh. I dunno. less than when I accidentally groped you at breakfast. But you didn’t really answer my question?) Jean: boxens Jean: r uo still wearin twoeeln??? Armin: Wait are we describing what we’re doing in real life now? or…still imagining…?? I’m. confused. I don’t think we’re on the same wavelength here. The heck is a twoeeln. Towel?? Boxens… Jean: torch urself Armin: What. Jean: atke eoff ur towtel and touchtr ruserlf and prettyed its mee I wrkoud go slo but hward how do u jerk offe???. donrt grab yet juts toucrh Armin: What. Jean: imadgine its me, im strokin ur cozk now. fuk i gotat wonder wat noises u make ive only heaeard ur moaasns while kisring i bet u srmake the swetersts nosien Armin:  JeAN I’M SORRY I JUST CAN’T TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY WHEN YOU’RE MAKING THIS MANY TYPOS. WHAT LIKE. ARE YOU TEXTING ONE HANDED CAUSE YOU’RE JAMBLIN YOUR JUMBO? Armin: OH MY GOD I’M SORRY I JUST TYPED OUT JAMBLIN YOUR JUMBO LIKE. I SWEAR IT SEEMED LIKE. AN OK. THING TO SAY BUT. I SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID MASTURBATING. I’M SO SORRY OH MY GOD. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S HAPPENIGN ANYMORE. Jean: SOTP IM ALUGHIN SO HARD I CAN”T EVEN COCK MY COCK Armin: COCK YOUR COCK WHAT OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO DUMB I’M JUST SITTING NAKED ON MY BED JESUS CHRIST THIS IS SO LAMe I’M SORRY OH MY GOD Jean: I CAN”T BREATHE COCK MY COK OHY MY OGDUFKCING THIS IS WHY I FUCKIN NEED AUTOCORET SO IT AT LEAST MAKES SOME FUCKIN WORDS OUT OF MY TPOS JEYSC CHIS Armin: OH My GOD and then they both start laughing like even harder and they both have to put their phones down to like. calm the fuck down because jesus Christ. and then jean texts again after like. 5 mins. Jean: oh my god i want to small ur hairy Armin: That’s the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me. Jean: small. smell. same thing. hairy. hair. what the diff Armin: So… Jean:  So… Armin: So I was wondering because I can’t exactly remember for sure. How often do you think about me while getting off? Jean: WHAT Armin: We talked about it a little I know! But I guess I just…wanted to hear it again? Jean: WHAT THE FUCK AMRin Armin: JEAN WE JUST FAILED AT SEXTING SO BAD NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE EMBARRASSED. Jean: i obviriously think about you every time i jerk off! EVERY FUCKING TIME. I MEAN. WHY WOULDNT I?? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK THAT LIKE. ARE WE STILL SEXTING OR NO??? Armin: Alright, alright, jeez, just making sure. Armin: Anyways…you still got your hand on your dick? Jean: …idk. not really? Armin: Yeah not gonna lie to you here the mood’s a bit…um, dead so to speak. So. I was just saying I guess, if you’re still…having your “downstairs problem” you can just go ahead and deal with it? As in. Please don’t wait for me or anything! I mean not that…well like. What I’m saying is that I already dealt with mine and I’m not really up for more “sexting” tonight… Jean: u already came? Armin: Perhaps. Jean: Um…Same??? like im embarrassed at how this wasnt even that sexy yet i didnt even last that long… Armin: So apparently as unsuccessful as our sexting extravaganza seemed to be. We still managed to. Uh, finish rather quickly. Jean: yeah like it wasnt the best sexual experience of my life but the fact that we still somehow managed to get shit done makes me believe that like. if we actually like. get down and dirty in person we could have like the most amazing fucking time holy shit dude Armin: Exactly what I was thinking, yes. Jean: next time i see you im shovin u down and sexing u up Armin: How romantic, can’t wait. Jean: idk which part of that was sincere or sarcastic or if it was all sarcastic or sincere or what but im gonna pretend ur just as excited about this as i am Armin: NO I’M EXCITED SORRY. I DIDN’T MEAN TO COME OFF AS RUDE OR ANYTHING! I’M EXCITED TO FUCK YOU JEAN!! Jean: you mean ur excited for me to fuck you Armin: Ha ha ha. Jean: … Armin: I guess we’ll just have to see how it goes, tackle the problems as they come. Armin: If you’re making a joke about the word “come” right now, you should not do that. Jean: damn Armin: Well I guess I’ll…go to bed? Jean: r u still naked Armin: Nah I put some boxers on. Jean: sleep. tight asshole Armin: I can see what you were trying to do there but. It just really didn’t work. But I know you tried. Jean: lube tight asshole Jean: slee. sleeze tight asshole. ass nice asshole. ass. dick. sleep tight. sleep. ass. Armin: G’night Jean Jean: B=========================================D Jean: that my dick Armin: Fantastic. Jean: fantasdick so whatever they go to bed then I guess or something like that whatever and then like. like HOLY SHIT WAIT OMF AM ARE WE. ACTUALY AT. THE WEDDING PART. ARE WE. FINALLY AT. THE GODDAMN. FUCKING. WEDDING PART LIKE. 61 PAGES IN WORD. AND WE’RE HERE??? IS IT POSSIBLE????? WE ARE HERE WE ARE HERE OK. HOLY SHIT. FUCK THE WEDDING. BEGINS. THE WEDDING IS IN. 1 DAY.  HOLY SHIT SO now we’ve got jean like. he’s excited about the wedding but he’s also sad he didn’t get to go to the rehearsal with armin…but then it’s like jean. you aren’t IN the wedding boy not everything is about YOU so now jean’s like. excited about the wedding but it’s not till tomorrow and he can’t be excited about it with armin or eren or something cause they’re IN the wedding so they’re at the rehersal and will be there all damn day and knowing hanji and levi…they’ll be there all night too cause something is gonna go wrong. so jean’s like, in starbucks and like, he is draped across a table near the barista bar thing and he’s like            “REEEEINERRRrrr” and reiner is like            “jean I’m WORKING. I’m wiping down the COUNTERS and making DRINKS can’t you see I’m busy??” and jean is like            “ugh” because he came here to socialize not watch people work and he is important and reiner should just stop working??? and bert is like working the cash register and he like rolls his eyes when he makes eyecontact with jean cause HEY. BERT AND REINER LIKE TO PARTY JUST AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GUY BUT NOT WHILE THEY’RE WORKING BECAUSE THEY DON’T WANT TO GET FIRED BECAUSE THEY FUCKING. WORK TOGETHETER??? HOW GREAT IS THAT THEY DON’T WANT TO LOSE THAT. ALSO UM. MONEY??? so they’re being all super serious and jean is like UGH this is LAME. so he calls connie and marco but connie’s having a family day and mARCO IS. HANGING OUT WITH DAZZ. and that makes jean groan because dazz is so lame but marco is friends with him and marco is like “jean pls dazz is very sweet” and jean’s like “why don’t u marry him” and marco’s like “welll maybe I will if ur gonna be such a dick” and then jean’s like “marco pls don’t marry dazz” and marco’s like “u aren’t the boss of me” and in the backround jean can hear dazz talking about cereal and jean’s like Ugh gross so anyways, the point is that connie and marco are busy. like. they’re busy doing their OWN things and jean is just so lonely that he’s like “UUUGHhhhhhHH UGHHH I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS WEDDING WITH SOMEONE??” and then DINGDiNG ALING the door rings as a tiny angry annie walks in and jean is like. HEYO but annie walks up to bert and bert’s like “the usual?” and annie’s all like *nod* and then reiner starts making her drink which is actually just applejuice. and he like hands it to her and she’s like *peace sign dawg* after she pays and she’s about to sit in her regular seat near like, the corner of the room but jean sees his opportunity and GRABS it literally by the sleeve and annie is like what the fuck because jean just grabbed her sleeve why is jean here what. and jean’s like            “ANNIE! Let’S TALK!” and annie’s like            “no thanks.” and she gets outta his grasp and if he hadn’t caught himself with his other hand slamming down on the table he would have fallen out of his chair. so anyways annie goes and sits at her regular table but jean follows her and takes the seat opposite of her and he’s like            “annie c’mon please, I wanna talk about the wedding aren’t you excited?”            “mmm”            “how excited are you on a scale from 1 to 10”            “mmhmm”            “ANNIE C’MON!” and that finally gets her attention as well as like. half of the fucking entire store because jean also slapped his hand on the table and was loud and bert looks at him like. –I’ll kick u out if u make trouble boy- and jean’s all like. oh shit he looks mad. so then he whispers again like            “Annie c’mon please?” and annie’s like            “I don’t have much to be excited about. I don’t really even want to go.” and jean’s like            “WHAT HOW?” and annie’s like            “I’m not friends with levi or hanji or anything I don’t even know why they invited me.”            “Annie do you even know what happens at weddings?” and annie blushses cause ugh and she’s like            “OF COURSE I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AT WEDDINGS. You get married…” and jean’s like            “Well fine then are you excited about the AFTERPARTY” and she’s like            “not really…I just said I didn’t want to go. what even makes you think I’m going?”            “cause eren is gonna be sad if you don’t go…” and then annie raises a brow at him and she’s like            “since when did you and eren become so close anyways.” and jean’s like            “WHAT WE AREN’T CLOSE JAEGER’S LAME” and annie is like            “then why are you so sure that eren will  be sad if I don’t go…”            “You’re just jealous that I know your boyfriend better than you do.” and annie is like            “lol” and jean is like “sneer” and they’re both being dumb and then reiner pulls up a chair suddenly and jean is like            “yo I thought you said you had to work” and reiner’s like            “I’m taking my 10 min break boy calm the fuck down” and jean is like. f u. SO ANYWAYS THEY JOKE FOR 10 MINS THEN LIKE. THEY ALL CHILL FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND THEN REINER AND BERT ARE OFF WORK SO THEY GO AND CHILL AT REINERS HOUSE SO NOW LIKE. WE’VE GOT JEAN, ANNIE, BERT AND REINER ALL HANGING OUT IN REINER’S COOL RADICAL BASEMENT and they’re all just talking and then reiner gets a dumb look on his face and he’s like “so annie…is eren an animal in bed?” and annie keeps a straight face but blushses a little because what the fuck and she’s like “none of your business” and reiner is like “how far have you gotten?” and annie’s like “none of your business” and reiner’s like “whisper it in my ear” and annie’s like “it’s NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS” and reiner’s like “whisper it in BERTL’s ear and I’ll stop ASKINg” and annie and reiner have like a staredown but then like she gives up and whisper’s how far she’s gone with eren in bert’s ear and BERTl FUCKING. CHUCKLES. AND THEN HE GETS EMBARRASSED BECAUSE HE JUST FUCKING CHUCKLED AND ANNIE PUNCHES HIS ARM AND SHE’S LIKE FUCK YOU AND BERTL IS LIKE oW AND JEAN’S LIKE WHAT WHAT WHAT DID SHE SAY AND BERT just waves his hand like. no not telling you and then jean’s like “well whisper it in REINER’s ear” and so bert whispers it to reiner and annie is still blushing and reiner LAUGHs out loud and jean’s like “NOW TELL ME” and reiner whispers it in jean’s ear he’s like “kissing and boob touching” and jean is like why the fuck did they all just fucking like. they’re all like. 18 and 19 or whatever and they…are fucking sitting in a basement and all just whispered “kissing and boob touching” into each others ears instead of just saying it outloud how weird is that and they’re all laughing because this is fucking dumb this is so dumb but WHO EVEN CARES anymore and like. omfg. so anyways. now that they’re on this topic reiner is like “so how far have you and armin gone?” and jean’s like. oh shit. jean’s like. “What! I’m not telling you that!” and reiner’s like “c’mon annie talked now it’s your turn” and jean’s like “y-YEAH WELL WHAT ABOUT YOU??? HUHHH????” and reiner’s like so causually he’s just like “we’ve had wall sex  before” and bert is like “it’s not as sexy as it sounds” and reiner is like “WHAT ARE U TALKING ABOUT IT WAS FANTASTIC U UNGRATEFUL SWEATY BOY” and jean is like “FORGET I ASKED” and then reiner’s like “nah I think I’ll keep talking bout how I’ve sucked my big b’s big d if you aren’t gonna contribute something to this convo bro.” but then he’s like “but actually jk if you really don’t want to talk about it we won’t” but then jean is like…shit he. is talking to two experienced gay dudes who have gay sexed and he could use…the info….so he’s like. he GROANS and puts his head in his hands to hide the blush on his cheeks and he’s like “kissing and. uh. like. 3 days ago we like. sexted…” and reiner catcalls and annie suddenly looks interested because despite what she tries to convince people annie likes gossip like. LIKE SHE DOESN’T LIKE. GOSSIPING PERSAY BUT SHE. LIKES LISTENING ABOUT OTHER PEOPPLE OK. SHE’S A CURIOUS BABBU IT’S NOT HER FAULT. ALSO BERT LIKES LISTENING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE TOO AND REINER SO LIKE SHUT UP! so then reiner’s like “yeah? how did the sexting go?” and jean is like “fucking terribly.” and reiner laughs so hard and bert’s like “did you roleplay or what?” and jean is like *huge groan* “we like. I don’t know…I don’t even know.”  and reiner pats jean on the back and he’s like “no matter what kind of experience you had you don’t have to worry cause there’s no way yours could have been worse than me and bertl’s first sexting attempt…” and suddenly jean is very intridugied and he’s like. oh ho ho do share. and annie snorts because she’s heard about this before because reiner likes to tell everyone about his sex life whenever he can and bert just don’t even care anymore so reiner like. smiles and takes out his phone and like. clicks around on it and he’s like “I have the original convo right here it’s from like idk when we were like 16 or something” and jean is like omfg omfg omfg so reiner hands it to jean and jean is like omfg. so he reads Bertholdt: Reiner did you call earlier? Sorry I was buying food. Reiner: oh you were buying food huh? you hungry? Bertholdt: Um. I guess…I mean. I was hungry. I’m not really anymore though considering I ate the food. you know, the food that I bought to eat. cause I was hungry. which is why I missed your call. Reiner: Are you thirsty too? Bertholdt: Am I thirsty right now? no I’m drinking water. Reiner: are you thirsty for reiner Bertholdt: wat Reiner: well I know I’m thirsty for you the thirst is real bertl Bertholdt: are you drunk texting me or something idgi Reiner: I hope I get drunk. drunk as in drank. drank drunk by you, you thirsty man with your thirsty thirst for me you. I’m gonna lick ur sweat up after we kissing and shit how u like my tongue on u huh Bertholdt: come again? Reiner: again? Bertholdt: what Reiner: can’t come a second time till you make me come a first one yo Bertholdt: did you want to come over? is that why you called? Reiner: all over you Bertholdt: brb I spilled my cheetos and sat on one AND JEAN WANTS TO CRY BECAUSE HE’S REMEMBERING HOW ARMIN AND HIM WEREN’T ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH BUT LIKE. AT LEAST IT WASN”T THIS BAD Reiner: um Bertholdt: back! did you get the new GTA? Reiner: fondle my balls Bertholdt: I’ll take that as a yes then? Reiner: I want your big cock in my ass Bertholdt: WOAH UH. HEY NOW. Reiner: bertl you’re TERRIBLE at this Bertholdt: Terrible at what?? I’m sorry? Are you ok? what happened? Reiner: how is it possible that ur so hot but so bad at sexting? Bertholdt: sexting? we were…sexting what? Reiner: OBVISOULY??? Bertholdt: UM. NOT OBVIOUSLY? HOW. DID YOU THINK. I UNDERSTOOD THAT. WHEN I TOLD YOU. ABOUT THE CHEETOS OR GTA? Reiner: I DUNNO I DIDN’T WANT TO KINK SHAME Bertholdt: WHO HAS A KINK FOR CHEETOS DUST AND GTA???? Reiner: a lot of people I’m sure… Bertholdt: WAIT SO. Wait. so you. you we I mean. you were we were….you want to sext? Reiner: well yeah I mean it’s not like I put my pants back on or anything. still just me. pantsless old reiner…thinkin bout his bff who is now his bf. bff+bf…b squared f to the power of 3. bff. bff..bf… Bertholdt: your…pants are off? Reiner: jesus christmas yes my pants are OFF. SHOULD WE JUST DO THIS ANOTHER TIME? I didn’t mean to like. just. I didn’t know how to bring it up so like…I mean idk how to, augh I mean just. sorry. idk Bertholdt: NO I mean NO NO it’s ok I. don’t mind…doing it I just wasn’t aware that we were but uh. um let me just lock my door. and take. my pants off Reiner: WAIT don’t take your pants off yet I want to tell you to do it. Bertholdt: um. ok. Bertholdt: can…can I take them off? Reiner: no like. I want to like. have you imagine it’s me taking them off Bertholdt: I can take off my own pants though Reiner: NO LIKE. IN A SEXY WAY. I WANT TO HAVE YOU IMAGINE ME TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF IN A SEXY WAY Bertholdt: uh. like. should I imagine my pants off or actually. take my physical pants off. can I take my pants off? Bertholdt: reiner please my room is like 90 degrees Reiner: Bertholdt fucking Fubar I swear to god Bertholdt: I took them off. I took my pants off. Reiner: god dammit Bertholdt: I can put them back on if it’s really that important but reiner my room is like, so hot. you don’t understand. Reiner: no whatever. don’t put them back on just. keep your underwear on Bertholdt: ah Reiner: did you go commando again today? Bertholdt: mm… Reiner: so you’re telling me that I was sitting next to you at school today and you weren’t wearing ur damn undies Bertholdt: er…I didn’t have any time to do laundry so… Reiner: I’M SO FUCKING MAD BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU DO IS DUMB BUT IT TURNS ME ON SO MUCH I SWEAR TO GOD I GET SO MANY BONERS BECAUSE OF YOU Bertholdt: HA HA HA LIKE YOU’RE ONE TO TALK! AT LEAST I DON’T ATTEMPT TO SEDUCE YOU. AT LEAST I APPARENTLY DO IT BY ACCIDENT. AT LEAST I DON’T SMILE A SEDUCTIVE SMILE AT YOU AND WINK AND LIKC MY LIPS. AT LEAST YOU CAN HIDE YOUR DAMN BONER! Reiner: IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE A JAB AT MY DICK SIZE??? MY DICK ISN’T SMALL BERTL I LOOKED IT UP YOURS IS JUST APPARENTLY REALY REALLY BIG OR SOMETHING IDK Bertholdt: I WASN’T MAKING FUN OF YOU JUST STATING THE FACTS CALM DOWN Reiner: SUCK MY COCK Bertholdt: OK? Reiner: OK?! Bertholdt: ok. like…imagined or. real? Reiner: you’d suck my cock 4 real? Bertholdt: um yes? I mean. I would if my dad hadn’t told me “Bertholdt I don’t want you having sex you’re too young and you’ll fuck it up.” Reiner: your dad knows we’re dating? Bertholdt: no. but he told me that anyways…I guess. I think he thinks I’m dating Annie. but I’m not, obviously.   Reiner: LMFAO MY MOM THINKS I’M DATING ANNIE TOO LIKE HOLY SHIT I HOPE UR DAD AND MY MOM DON’T TALK CAUSE THAT’S GONNA BE AWKWARD Bertholdt: idk why it even has to be a big deal tho, I mean if they find out who cares right? Reiner: no I agree it’s not a big deal but I just don’t want ur dad to not let me come over for sleepovers anymore and vise versa Bertholdt: true. Reiner: uh. but ok. um. so. cocks. AND LIKe. right when Jean is about to scroll down to get to their like. ACTUAL conversation like, ACTUAL sexting thing, reiner pulls the phone out of jean’s hand and he’s like            “the rest of that convo is classified buddy” and jean’s about to protest but annie like, looks over her shoulder (cause while jean was reading the texts annie like, turned on the ps3 and is playing like. some bad skater game cause reiner has a lot of those for some reason) and she’s like            “you’d be making a mistake if you read the rest of that abomination” and jean is like. DAMMIT cause he’s trying to like. discreetly like. figure out how the heck he’s supposed to be sexy with armin whether that’s with the real life sexy or just sexting like. he has no idea how to like. DO IT. apparently sometimes he DOES it but he isn’t always completely aware of when he does it and he’d like to be aware because then he could like. flirt more and have sexy times with his boy right. so anyways. then like. bert, reiner and jean end up watching annie shred some sick moves and then they start playing DJ Hero or whatever the fuck and bertl’s like, popping some ill beats and he’s like on expert and he’s realy good for some reason so annie’s watching that and jean is sitting next to reiner so jean kind of discreetly nudges reiner and he’s like            “psst”            “wassup?” and jean is like            “so uh. how did you I mean. how. uh. how did you…have uh. sex. I mean”            “jean are you asking me how gay sex works?” and jean frowns and he’s like            “I fUCKING KNOW HOW IT WORKS. I’M JUST. asking. how. like. I mean. I’m asking for. real life specifics because…porn isn’t. uh…”            “yeeah no I gotcha, porn is not a good source of info like, don’t trust that shit that’s all a lie ok like fuckin hell. don’t try that shit at home” and jean laughs awkwardly and then reiner’s like “okey dokey bud what do you need to know?” and jean is suddenly like so thankful that reiner is such a chill dude?            “so like. um. who…who’s the. bottom?” and reiner laughs out loud and bert and annie give him this look that’s like pls shut up and reiner is like lol so then he’s like            “don’t make a huge deal about top and bottom shit I mean. bertl and I don’t. like. we switch, trade off. shit like that. I mean I guess it’s diff for everyone though it’s something you gotta decide it’s not like there is like. I mean…the only rules for sex are basically like. full consent. otherwise it’s free range.” and jean’s like            “I know but like. how do. I mean…like what if he. idk. idk” and then reiner ruffles jean’s hair and he’s like            “dude stop freakin about it, it shouldn’t be stressful just relax. it’ll happen when it happens just make sure to use a condom and like 2000 gallons of lube.” and jean laughs but he’s still nervous because he just doesn’t really want to fuck it up but reiner wraps an arm around his neck and reiner’s collonge smells nice so jean is like reiner so right. reiner knows what’s up.            so anyways it ends up being a lovely night that is gay and fun and annie blushes more when they start talking about eren again and she’s like SHhhs HSHH NOonoNO. cause she is trying so hard not to be embarrassed but she can’t help it cause eren is her first bf and she likes him a lot.            BUT ANYWAYS. THEN. THE NIGHT IS OVER AND. THE DAY. THE DAY IS HERE. JEAN SLEEPS AND WHEN HE WAKES. IT IS THE DAY. THE DAY OF THE WEDDING THE DAY. THAT IT TOOK 25060 WORDS TO GET TO THiS IS THE DAY. WE ARE HERE. WE DID IT. WE DID IT. WE DID IT HOORAY I’m SO GLAD. congragulations, you won! ALRIGHT HERE WE ARE LET’S GO LET’S GO YEEEHAW BAM SLAM THANK U MAM WHAT IS GOING ON WHAT IS THIS???? WE NOW SEE. A SWEET YOUNG ARMIN BOY. IN HIS. REALLY REALLY CUTE TUX. armin is wearing a TUX ok and he’s sitting with his soon to be OFFICIALl in law LEVI YAY. and levi is like. straightening his tie for the tenth time and armin is like            “hey levi it’s ok to be nervous” and levi is like            “I’m not nervous what the fuck armin” and armin sighs. cause armin is one of the groomsmen so he’s standing with his boy eren right and then there’s also some of levi’s friends like aurou and erd and gunter, and mike and whatever so that’s cool. so each one of them is like. trying to give levi a pep talk but levi keeps getting mad and fixing his tie and he’s like            “STOP I’m NOT FUCKING NERVOUS IT’S JUST A DAMN WEDDING” but his voice cracks when he says damn and he’s just. really nervous LIKE. he’s not really showing it in his expression but it’s more in how he’s standing and it’s p obvious but he keeps denying it so armin sighs but smiles cause wow uncle levi (armin and eren started calling him uncle levi a while ago but he’s not really armin’s uncle or uncle in law obviously but it don’t matter) so fuckin lame. so like. SLAM BAM ZOOM ZAT WONDER WHERE THE LADIES AT??? so meanwhile hanji is in this other room with petra, mikasa, Irvin, mobilt and nanaba and petra and petra is smiling so hard and she’s giggling so much and she’s like            “hanji you look so pretty oh my god this is so exciting” and hanji is laughing because petra is so cute and then like. Irvin is like, making sure hanji’s dress is all good and all that jazz cause hanji’s dress is hot yo. like damn gurl lookin good and mobilt is like. standing away from them making sure that hanji looks good from a distance too and SURPRISE SHE DOES. and then also nanaba is standing in the corner and they’re like             “hanji aren’t you nervous? you don’t look nervous at all…I’d be nervous” and hanji looks at them and she’s like            “of course of nervous Banana but it’s fine cause I know levi is more nervous than I am so he’ll mess up before I do so it’s ok” and she laughs and winks at them and nanaba is like            “omf don’t call me banana u big dumb” and hanji is like u so cute bab ilu so much and banan like            “shhhh” and hanji wants TO HUG NANABA BECAUSE BAB SO CUTE BUT HANJI GOTTA SIT WHILE IRVIN FUSSES OVER HER DRESS So she calls banana over and gives them a hug and nanaba is like sniffling and they’re like            “I can’t believe ur getting married” and hanji is like            “omf I know???” and then  suddenly petra just starts sobbing and she’s like about to lean over and like, just, grab hanji’s head from behind and hug her so hard and she’s like            “HANJI I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU” and Irvin like SQUEALS and stops her and he’s like            “PETRA DON’T SMOOSH HER HAIR! OH MY GOD NO DON’T TOUCH NONONO” and petra is like            “FRICK SORRY SORRY” and Irvin is like            “JUST BE CAREFUL. IT TOOK ME 2 HOURS TO GET THAT BIRDSNEST SHE CALLS HAIR TO LOOK GOOD. I WANT IT TO STAY THAT WAY” and hanji laughs and she’s like            “Irvin fuckin chill pls” and Irvin like is like *feminine huff* and he’s like            “’Irvin fucking chill please’?, how am I supposed to ‘chill’ when I had to be the one to help you with your hair AND your dress AND had to help you plan the wedding AND am the best man AND have to GIVE YOU AWAY AT ACTUAL THE WEDDING???” and hanji laughs again and she just shakes her head and she’s like            “it’ll be fine, besides, it’s like, not even a traditional wedding really like, you don’t have to worry so much hon” and Irvin just groans because uGh even if he doesn’t HAVE to worry he can’t help it? these are like his two best friends in the world he doesn’t want to let them down but he’s like Ugh and petra starts CRYING Again because she’s so HAPPY and nanaba is like caught in hanji’s strong grip and they’re like            “hanji you have to let me go see if the guys are ready and if everything’s going accordingly” and hanji is like            “NANABA NO PLS STAY” and nanaba is like            “I’ll be right back omf” so whatever nanaba leaves and then mikasa is like            “hanji are you sure you’re not making a mistake.” and hanji laughs her ass AGAIN and she’s like, snorting and she’s like            “MIKASA YOU’RE SO CUTE” and mikasa is like            “thank you. but it was a serious question” and hanji is like            “Who’s to say what’s a mistake and what’s a blessing though? and what if they’re one in the same? it’s possible mikasa. It’s a waste of time to get caught up in what’s right or wrong and instead you really ought to just focus on what makes you happy! we don’t have long enough in this life to worry about what other people think of us.” and Irvin is like            “alright that was a great speech and all but hanji you gotta stand up now so I can make sure the back of your dress is ok” and hanji is like OKEY DOKEY. so they’re all sitting around and Irvin keeps fussing over hanji and mobilt is now too and then eren walks into the room and everyone is like. eren what the fuck are you doing here? and eren’s like            “mike sent me here in nanaba’s place cause he said he wanted a little banana scent before the wedding” and everyone groans because mike and nanaba are so gross and lame but also cute but gross and lame but cute. BUT ANYWAYS SO. then eren is like            “wow hanji you look…fantastic” and he’s a little like woah there because he always forgets that hanji hot but then she’s like yo and he’s like OH SHIT I USED TO HAVE A REALLY BIG CRUSH ON YOU. LIKE. eren used to have a crush on hanji cause she always payed attention to him but not in a totally mothering way all the time and also she was nice and funny and weird. but then he found out she had a boyfriend and he was so fucking heartbroken and armin had to like, help him through that cause he was like 10 or something and it was a huge ass deal because WHAT’S SO GREAT ABOUT LEVI ANYWAYS?? but yes so he’s like blushing now cause she’s like family to him now but damn she still hot. he likes the noses he likes the hook noses, eren’s got a nose type boy can’t help it.            so anyways then eren kind of leads them out of the room and back into the hall with all the other groomsmen but levi isn’t there anymore he’s in the other room now cause they’re doing their wedding a little diff than other people cause they’re levi and hanji dammit. hanji wanted a fun wedding so that’s what she’s gonna get. So ANYWAYS. eren like elbows armin and he’s like            “hanji looks good!” and armin smirks and he’s like            “careful there eren you’ve got a girlfriend now” and eren’s like            “I WASN’T CRUSHING ON HER OR WHATEVER JUST SAYING SHE LOOKED GOOD CAUSE SHE DOES. SHE DOES!” and armin’s like            “lol boy I know” and eren is blushing and mumbling to himself because he feels like a 10 year old again and this is really dumb. BUT WHATVER SO. so then this like. oh my god, like jazzy piano music starts playing and hanji is like            “shoow time” and mike and nanaba like, try and discreetly kind of. walk up behind eren and armin and act as if they weren’t just making out. but they totally were. but anyways. so then like all the bridesmaids and groomsmen line up like, we’ve got armin, eren  and mikasa and they’re walking with all three of them together with mikasa in the middle and  then mikes with his lil nanaba and then like, auruo and petra, erd and gunter and then like whatever, the rest of the people I don’t even remember who else is supposed to be there but who cares ok so they all. start slowly walking down the aisle and like. this jazzy music is so NOT wedding like and omfg it’s a disaster but it’s fine because they’re all genuinely smiling and it’s super cute and whatever so they all walk down the aisle and then get into their proper formation like how they praticed the day before and armin makes eye contact with jean in the audience (it’s not hard to find him cause his hair is dumb and also he’s sitting next to annie and she looks so funny omf cause ANNIE ACTUALLY ENJOYS WEDDINGS TOO, like, she enjoys movies with weddings at least she hasn’t really BEEN to a wedding like this before but she’s TRYING not to like. show how excited she is cause she gotta keep it cool but she is just so excited that it’s difficult) and jean is just. staring at him. like. staring like dumbfounded with a dumb face and everything and then armin remembers that jean hasn’t seen him in a tux before and visevera? so maybe that’s it? at least he thinks so…maybe jean has a tux kink, and if that’s true, armin is like totally gonna use that against him. but for now he smiles because jean’s making a cute face and he wants to kiss him because 2 days away from each other felt more like 5 weeks and jean blushses and realizes he’s staring at his hot boy and he’s embarrassed and then hanji is coming down the aisle and Irvin is leading her down and he’s smiling and he looks like he’s about to cry because DAMn            and like…everyone is suddenly…really confused. because the music was confusing enough but now it’s like. uh why is she walking with Irvin??? where is levi? is she actually marrying Irvin what the fuck is going on? and everyone is like, what the fuck is going on and armin has to force himself not to laugh because they’re all making the like confused face that he made when hanji explained to him how she wanted to do her wedding. so despite the many gasps of “what the fuck is going on” and “where is levi” hanji takes her spot in front of pastor nick (who is seriously pissed off because what the fuck is she doing she’s fucking up his church this is not how wedding goes where is levi what the fuck pastor nick hates his life so much) and petra is standing next to hanji now because petra is hanji’s maid of honor and it’s so cute and exciting and YAY ok. so then Irvin starts walking back down the aisle and everyone is confused and scared again and he’s like, fast walking with a little nervous/excited skip in his step but you wouldn’t notice unless you were like. watching his face and legs but everyone is watching his hot ass so it’s ok. so then he walks back to the big doors and opens them and levi is standing there and he looks like. fucking frozen like. you put levi in front of a burning building with babies inside and he will save all the children and do it with style but u put him in a damn wedding, HIS OWN DAMN WEDDING, and he’ll be like. oh shit. like. HE LOVES HANJI HE DON’T GOT A PROB WITH COMMITMENT BUT. FOR SOME FUCKING DAMN STUPID REASON WEDDINGS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN SuCH A WHAT THE FUCK FOR HIM. LIKE. HE JUST. HE SUDDENLY JUST. DOESn”T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S UP.  he’d probably actually prefer the burning building cause it’d be easier to deal with and save and handle than his own wedding. and Irvin is handsomely standing by the opened door and this isn’t part of the plan levi is supposed to walk in now and Irvin is supposed to lead him down the aisle also?? so there’s like this awkward silence and the music starts up again because maybe that’s why he isn’t moving and the piano person is like what the fuck. but levi is still. like. frozen and hanji is like omf what are you doing. and petra looks worried and Irvin whispers like “levi c’mon. this isn’t practice this time, we’re doing the real thing. levi c’mon. I have to walk you down the aisle. Levi? you ok?” and levi just. omfg and Irvin doesn’t know if he’s supposed to just fucking pull the dude along because GOD Irvin doesn’t want to fuck up this wedding and honestly even if he did he’d do it like a hunk, but regardless of how fucked up the wedding is already by hanji’s own wishes, he don’t want to mess this up for her and levi. but then hanji gets frustrated so she walks back down the aisle and everyone in the pews is taking videos and whatever because this is the weirdest wedding they’ve ever been to and it doesn’t seem practiced at all and some people want to laugh but others want to cry so so much. and hanji just wants to have her damn dream wedding where both her and her man are lead down the aisle so it’s fair. but if levi gonna be this way, she ain’t havin that shit. so she fucking just. brushes past handsome Irvin fatherfigure man and grabs her soon to be hubby and just. she’s carrying her finance bridal style down the aisle. and Irvin is sexily following behind them like he’s just going with it. and annie is so excited because annie’s like thinking like HOLY FUCK IS THIS HOW REAL WEDDINGS WORK OH MY GOD???? and petra is just crying again because she’s so HAPPY and the jazzy music is playing and like levi’s old grandparents that he hates but hanji insisted they invite are like, whispering loudly about how this is all wrong and what the fuck. but hey. hanji does not give a flying fuck, she wants a wedding that’s like. that makes it APPARENT, despite tradition, she wants to make it apparent how on the same level her and her man are. so anyways. she gets back to her spot and puts levi down beside her and he’s still kind of out of it like, his face is blank. and petra is crying and Irvin comes and stands next to levi and jean takes a picture because it’s really funny cause levi so short. OK BUT WHATEVER NOW THE VOWS BEGIN. so pastor nick says his shit and then hanji turns to levi and starts saying her vows and she’s like, already crying so much and petra like can’t even breathe she’s crying so so so so much and levi is still blank faced and Irvin is crying and hanji is like “levi. when we met I thought you were really gross and dumb. you seemed really lame but then when I got to know you I realized that was absolutely true. yet I still couldn’t stop myself from falling in love with you. I’m so glad I broke your window that one night. and I know your mom always hated me for it and you got a few glass shards in your foot the next morning because of it BUT. I don’t regret it. because…that’s how we finally got together and I remember how everyone thought we were going to break up at some point. they always said that we’d break up at one point or another because we were just dumb kids who thought we were in love but levi I knew. I KNEW WE WEREN’T JUST DUMB KIDS. I remember the first time we kissed. I remember knowing. I just KNEW I’d be with you forever after that moment. Levi you’re the shortest man I’ve ever met but I could never be happy with anyone taller because they wouldn’t be you. Levi I love you so much.” and then auruo has to like, go hug petra to calm her down because she’s SO FUCKING HAPPY SHE JUST CAN’T STOP CRYING OH MY GOD SHE’S CRYING SO MUCH and hanji is just. smiling so hard and crying and. then pastor nick is like. and now. for the grooms vows? and finally levi like. seems to snap out of his stupor cause he’s like “holy shit I’m at a wedding.” and hanji starts laughing and then levi is kind of embarrassed because he’s literally like. never been this. lame before. and then he looks hanji up and down and he’s like “holy shit you’re gorgeous.” and hanji smiles because hell yes she is. and levi is like “um what the fuck” and hanji laughs through her TeARs and Irvin elbows levi in the back and he’s like “ur vows bro” and levi’s like. oh shit so then levi’s like “oh. I don’t know if there’s a such thing as God or a god or something-“ and levi why would you SAY THAT IN A CHURCH? “but if there is one I bet they’re laughing their ass off right now and for the rest of their existence because they somehow decided it would be a good idea for me to fall in love with you or something. you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met and you somehow make me like that about you and I hate you for that. you’re messy too. and you eat all my fries when we go places that have fries. but somehow I just like all those things about you and fuck” and then there is the man. levi is crying at his own DAMN wedding 2 damn tears rolling down his dumb cheeks. the DUDE who hasn’t CRIED since he was a fucking BABY (and also the one time he cries a little because he thought hanji was breaking up with him when she was actually saying she didn’t want to break up with him ever). here is the dude who didn’t cry at any funeral he ever went to or like. just. NEVER and he’s crying. and he feels so fucking. STUPID but hanji laughs and wipes the tears up and she’s cradling his face in her hands and smiling and it’s so dumb it’S SO dumb and he’s like “there isn’t anyone else in this world I’d rather be stuck with for the rest of my existence”  and then hanji kisses him and it’s light and chaste and then there is like. a huge SLAM and pastor nick is like “NO. YOU. NO. YOU DO NOT. KISS BEFORE. I SAY SO. IT’S RUINED. THIS WEDDING WAS RUINED ENOUGH BUT NOW IT’S EVEN MORE RUINED. THIS IS THE MOST HORRIBLE THING I”VE EVER.  EXPERIENCED I CAN’T EVEN-“ and levi kicks nick’s shin and he’s like “just finish the damn thing” and nick is like ugh and they put the rings on each other and then nick says the power vested in me thing and he’s like you may now kiss the brid- but HANJI FUCKING. TACKLES LEVI LIKE. SHE PULLS HIS FACE INTO HERS AND THAT IS NOT A WEDDING KISS. THAT IS A DESPEREATE TEEN MAKEOUT KISS. THAT IS A LOVER JUST CAME HOME FROM WAR KISS. THAT IS. A. PASSIONATE PASSIONATE MAKEOUT KISS. and levi does NOT OBJECT TO IT. and everyone starts clapping and cheering and armin wipes his own tears away because this is the worst wedding but also the best because it’s just so what the fuck. and levi breaks the kiss and this time he picks HANJI up and he like, WALKS back down the aisle and he’s like “see you at the after party you dumb shits” and he like. fucking just. walks out. and everyone is like WAIT WE HAVE TO. watch YOU LEAVE IN YOUR JUST MARRIED CAR THING. AND everyone tries to run outside to see them off but the car is already driving away and everyone is laughing because they’re like “I guess we’ll have to take pics at the afterparty???” and the camera man is like. what the fuck is going on this is so fucked up. and armin is laughing because he LOVES HANJI SHE’S THE BEST COUSIN EVER BECAUSE SHE JUST FLAT OUT DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT ASSHOLES THINK SHE JUST DOES STUFF BECAUSE SHE KNOWS SHE’S A SMART ASS WOMAN AND SHE’s CONFIDENT. and then armin turns around and eren is standing next to him and he’s sniffling so much and eren’s like “armin I need a tissue so bad” and armin’s laughing again because THIS IS SO EMOTIONAL AND HAPPY and everyone can still hear petra laughing and crying because GOD SHE’S SO HAPPY FOR HANJI GOD SHE LOVES HANJI AND LEVI SO MUCH and then armin and eren hug because why the fuck not. and as they’re like breaking out of the hug suddenly they’re both crushed back in it because jean has just like. SLAMMED Them in a hug and then they break out of THAT hug and jean’s like “oh my god”  and armin is like omf and eren smiles but then he’s like “IS ANNIE HERE?” and jean is like “hell yeah boy” and eren like starts looking for her because he wants to ask her if he did a good job or something like DID HE LOOK OK UP THERE HOW WAS IT IS SHE GOING TO THE AFTERPARTY PLEASE? and jean looks back at his cute boy and he’s like “um. you uh. look very nice armin.” and armin is like “you don’t look too bad yourself there kirshtein.” and jean is like wow when did my boyfriend get so fuckin suave. but then he can’t think about that much anymore because said suave boy is pulling him down for a kiss and to that he cannot object so he gladly let’s those soft hands lead him to a soft kiss. but jean’s actually a little disappointed cause he wants to like. makeout? and then armin pulls away and looks down at the ground and he’s blushing and biting his lip a bit and jean is like wow what the fuck why is he so hot???? and armin’s like “jean there’s a problem” and jean’s like “yeah. your pants. they’re in the way.” and armin hits jean’s arm and he’s like “JEAN WE’RE AT A WEDDING OH MY GOD” but then he looks away and he’s like “too bad right?” and jean’s like oh hot damn pls lord have mercy on my gay soul. but all flirting aside they instead just hold hands and watch eren talking animatedly to annie and mikasa who aren’t actually listening and are instead talking to each other about something but eren doesn’t care/notice because whatever. and the jean’s like “hey like. i drove here so. want me to drive you to the afterparty?” and armin’s like omf god yes. so armin goes real fast and finds his grandpap who’s still in the pews and is asleep and armin’s like “hey gpap can I go with jean to the-“ and pep pep is like “just use protection” and armin’s like. um that wasn’t…what…whatever. so armin takes that as a yes and assumes he can just text his grandpa later if it turns out to be a problem but whatever. so then he walks back out and jean is leaning against a wall waiting for him and everyone else for the most part has already gotten into their cars to drive to the afterparty and annie went with the jaegers and mikasa and like, so everyone is mostly gone so then jean takes armin’s hand again and they’re smiling and they walk back to jean’s mom’s car and like get in and they start driving and then armin’s like “so what’d you end up doing yesterday?” and jean’s like “uh I just hung out with reiner, annie and bertholdt.” and armin’s like “oooh what’d you guys do?” and jean is like *sweats nervously* “well we didn’t talk about gay sex if that’s what you’re asking!” and he said it in that joking tone but then suddenly realized that that WOULD MAKE NO SENSE AS A JOKE IN THE CONTEXT AND WHY DID HE JUST SAY THAT AND THEN ARMiN LAUGHS AND IS LIKE “oh my GOD WHY WERE YOU TALKING ABOUT GAY SEX!” and jean’s like “I JUST SAID I WASN’t. I MEAN WE WEREN’T I MEAN. WE DIDN’T” and armin is laughing again because his BOY SO LAME. “well I’m glad you had fun then.” and jean’s like “shut up…what’d you even do at the rehersal yesterday then?” and armin’s like “honestly we didn’t do much. I mean we tried to run through the wedding but no one understood what hanji wanted at all and we were all confused so we’re lucky it went as well as it did today.” and jean just hums in response and then armin turns on the radio and they rock out to nicki minaj and then also 80’s music cause why not. SO HELLO. WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THAT BUILDING WITH ALL THOSE CARS DRIVING UP TO IT? WHY! THAT’S THE. PLACE WHERE THE AFTER PARTY IS!!!! YAY DINNER! so jean’s super excited and he pulls the key out of the ignition and then is about to get out of the car but SUDDENLy his TIE is being grabbed and his lips collide with the boy’s. and armin doesn’t let go of his tie and then also grabs the back of jean’s head and tilts it and their teeth clink a whole bunch and it’s uncomfortable cause they’re both twisted awkwardly in a car but then armin’s like, french kissing this boy and jean can’t even fucking care about his ACHIN BACk. so they’re actually…kind of getting into it cause they haven’t kissed for like. 4 days or something dumb like that (I can’t remember when they last kissed omf sorry I think it’s been 4 days though) but then there is a KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK on the car window and both jean and armin JUMP and jean smacks his head on the top of the car and he’s like “OH FUCK” and armin turns around and sees mikasa and he’s like oh my god. and he awkwardly opens the car door and both him and jean get out and then mikasa is like “there’s food inside you know. I just wanted to remind you two because you both looked pretty hungry devouring each other like that.” and she smirks and ARMIN IS LIKE. MIKASA I HATE YOU. and he’s about to playfully like smack her but she pulls him into a one armed hug and starts walking him to the afterparty building idk what else to call it and jean is awkwardly following behind because damn right he’s hungry. hungry for armin. but no jean. put that boner away and calm the fuck down you’re at a wedding…but it ok because armin is going through the same hunger right now but he is also like for real hungry too because he hasn’t eaten all DAY OH FUCK I FORGOT TO TAKE MY MEDICINE BRB ok back I also got soda holy shit it’s been a soda weekend what the fuck OK OK OK OK OK SO. SO SO. So. So. they walk inside and WOAH WHAT A BIG PLACE?? NO. they go up a elevator first and THEN They’re in this HUGE room and they’re like WOAH WHAT A BIG PLACE?? and like holy SHIT. HOLY HELL. this is really COOL and armin is about to look at jean and smile his bright smart smile but instead mikasa is like, pulling him away and jean’s like WOAH WAIT. and mikasa turns around and she’s like “jean shush, go take your seat at that table annie’s sitting at. the bridesmaids and groomsmen sit up with the bride and groom” and jean’s like. ooh damn. damn. so he goes and sits next to annie and he watches his armin’s hot butt walk away with mikasa’s hot butt and they like go take their seat next to eren at the big table where mostly all the bridesmaids and groomsmen are and there are like 2 empty seats and levi and hanji aren’t here so jean assumes that’s where they’re supposed to sit and it’s like claps for jean good deduction skills.  but anyways so then he turns to annie and he’s like “how you likin the wedding so far? still don’t want to be here???” and jean is feeling so smut NO. SMUG. OH MY GOD. SHH SORRY I KNOW I SHOULD DELETE IT AND JUST RETYPE IT TO BE SMUG BTU I CAN’T HELP MYSELF. OMFG OK SOORRY so jean is so SMUG. and annie eyes him and she’s like “nice boner loser.” and jean IS SO SCARED AND HE LOOKS DOWN BECAUSE WHAT? but there is no tent in his pants. there is no circus tent. so he looks back up to give annie a wtf face but she’s giggling kind of. and she’s actually super kawaii and jean’s like “woah when did you get cute annie?” but he hadn’t meant to say it outloud and suddenly she’s like annie stone face again and she’s like “shut it” and jean’s like. UGH. because damn. and then suddenly there’s a hand on jean’s shoulder and he turns around and it’s armin’s grand pappy and he’s like oh shit. and annie’s suddenly VERRRY INTERESTED and armin’s peppep sits down and he’s like “I found a pregnancy test in my house…it yours?” and jean’s like “OH FUCK” but then he’s like “I mean…wait what?” and pappy is like “I think armin’s pregnant” and jean’s like. “um?” and then grandpa is like “the old people I sex with are too old to be preggers so it’s either you or armin.” and then annie is like “what about…hanji.” and then suddenly like. JEAN AND GRANDPA LOOK AT EACH OTHER. AND annie makes a sarcastic gasp and then JEAN iS LIKE “IS. IS SHE PREGNANT?” and then grandpappy laughs and he’s like “omfg no I didn’t actually find a pregnancy test in my house I was just trying yankin you’re chain cause I’m a radical old man”  and jean awkwardly laughs because what the fuck mr. arlert and annie laughs and then grandpa walks away and annie’s like “I like him.” and jean’s like “you fuckin WOULD” and they’re DUMB TEENS. and ANYWAYS. SO. THEN. THERE THEY ARE. THE PEOPLE. WHO ARE THE WEDDING PEOPLE. and everyone is sitting at their tables and shit and then like. hanji BUSTS through the door and she’s like “WE’RE HERE!!!” and it’s like. so like omfg. because her hair is a mess again and Irvin gasps like NO FUCK THIS and levi’s suit is uneven and he has hickies everywhere and his hair is a mess and then as soon as they like entered the room they are gone because Irvin has pushed them out because WHAT THE FUCK. and he fixes hanjis hair and covers up some of the hickies on levi’s neck with some emergency foundation that handsome dadman luckily has.  so then. SO THEN. he leads them BACK in in a more orderly fashion and everyone claps and it’s exciting and they take their seat and it’s cute and whatever. and so then like. they’re all sitting and the food starts coming out and it’s great and everyone has food now and then Irvin makes this heartfelt speech and everyone makes this like beautiful speech and then Irvin clinks his glass and levi and hanji kiss. and then jean’s like. woah. WOAH. BECAUSE JEAN FORGOT THAT THAT WAS A THING. PEOPLE DO AT WEDDINGS. SO then everyone is finally calming down and eating their food and jean stands up and clinks his glass. and levi and hanji kiss and it’s cute but then he clinks it again. so they kiss again. and then he clinks his glass again and he hits it too hard because annie kicks him to try and get him to stop but he hit it accidentally hard and it shatters and HANJI STANDS UP AND SHE’S LIKE “LOOK. SHATTERED. GLASS. LOOK. OH MY GOD. SEE SEE SEE LEVI SEE SEE THEY TOTALLY ARE LIKE US THEY HAVE SHADDERED GLASS LIKE WHEN I BROKE YOUR WINDOW ARMIN AND JEAN ARE US. I SWEAR TO GOD LEVI” and levi is like “IT DOESN’T FUCKING COUNT??? THEY AREN’T LIKE US AT ALL!” and then jean awkwardly sits back down on the other side of annie cause his seat and side of the table is now full of glass and annie is like “way to go” and jean’s like cram a sock in it ya nerd. SO WHATEVER it calms down again and everyone eats their food and everyone is happy and then. and then it is. the time. for. the cake. and so like. they go and get their cake and like levi gets mad BECAUSE THE GROOM THAT’S SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT HIM like HANJI LIKE pushed it into the cake like Fiona did in Shrek y’all know what I’m talking about. alright so and then levi shoves cake in her face before she can do that to him and she starts laughing so loud and then he helps wipe up her face because he like. HE KNOWS HE MADE IT DIRTY WITH THE CAKE BUT HE CAN’T LIKE. JUST LEAVE It. so it is all very yes. and cute and great and everyone enjoys the open bar except for the minors and then it is time for the thing. the leg thing. where they get the leg thing with the teeth. THE GARTER. So. hanji sits in a chair and like. a heavy beat starts up. what could that be. it’s like.Countdown by beyonce (PLEASE LORD LISTEN TO THIS WHILE READING BECAUSE GOD IT MAKES IT SO MUCH BETTER OH MY GOD) because GOD knows that’s a good song to pull ur new wife’s garter off with ur teeth to. SO OMFG I CAN’T BREATHE I’M SORRY I’M IMAGINING THIS. SO. LEVI HAS HAD A LITTLE WINE ALRIGHT. AND LEVI JUST. IS TIPSY OK. SO. HANJI IS SITTING IN. THE CHAIR OK. AND. LEVI LIKE. BASICALLY. STARTS DOING SOME LAPDANCE ROUTINE LIKE. I. LIKE. FUCK OK JUST.  like. hands on the back of her chair and the oOHHOHEEEEHHEYEEEE starts and he like. like. arches his back u know like and then he like. walks all sexy up to be in front of hanji and SITS IN HER LAP AND SHE’S LOSING IT BUT EVERYONE ELSE IS UNCOMFORTABLE BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE SOME WEIRD PORNO OR SOMETHING. AND LEVI IS ACTING LIKE HE’S IN A DAMN MUSIC VIDEO. AND HE STARTS LIKE. LIP SYNCING AND THEN HE SMILES BECAUSE HANJI IS LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD LIKE SHE CAN’T BREATHE and then he slides down her legs onto the heels of his…feet heels. and like. he’s like crouching and he looks over his shoulder and flips his hair and makes eyecontact with Irvin and winks and Irvin just. LOSES IT. HE WAS KEEPING HIS COOL BUT HE STARTS LAUGHING SO FUCKING. HARD LIKE HE JUST. HE AND HANJI THEY CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE AND EVERYONE IN THE DAMN ROOM IS UNCOMFROTABLE. and then LEVI GOES UNDER HANJI’S DRESS AND HIS HANDS like. Go up her legs and THEN HE STARTS AUGHING BECAUSE SHE DIDN’T SHAVE HER LEGS AND HE LOVES HER SO MUCH OMFG. HAIRY LEG WIFE SUCH A BABE. and then he kiss her inner thigh oh. hello. levi u wild. and she’s like “WOOOPS HELLO!” and she says it so loud and then she’s embarrassed because Irvin is laughing like goofy or something like. he’s like banging on a table because he can’t handle this and even mike is crying and nanaba is like oMFG WHAT and everyone is like oh my god. and then finally levi pulls out from under her dress and he’s got the garter between his teeth and he shoot it at mobilt’s face and mobilt is like NOOOooooOO. and then everyone laughs because THANK THE LORD THAT’S OVER but anyways. so. then the REAL party can start like. levi and hanji then like, someone pulls the chair away and hanji dances with Irvin while levi dances with mike and then also armin’s grandpa starts dancing with them like. they’re trying to do some cool like. ball dancing or something but everyone is bad. except Irvin and mike. so then Irvin and mike start dancing together and wow the crowd. and then levi and hanji have their first dance. and…they. dance to. their song. which is uh…oh shit. um. they’re song is like UH SOME KATAMARI DAMACY SONG CAUSE THEY USED TO PLAY KATAMARI WITH EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME AND IT’S WHATEVER IDK AND THEY’RE DANCING AND THEY’RE SO CUTE AND ARMIN IS SMILING SO HARD AND EREN IS CRYING BECAUSE HE’S SO HAPPY FOR THEM AND EREN AND PETRA ARE HUGGING EACH OTHER AND CRYING BECAUSE CONGRAGULATIONS LEVI SO WHATEVER NOW. NOW THE PARTY FOR ALL THE PEOPLE REALLY BEGINS OK.  LIKE NOW THE MUSIC GOING LIKE WOP PLAYING OH SOME SHIT LIKE THE IMPORTANT PART. IS THAT. now the bridesmaids and groomsmen are not needed to stand places so like. armin goes and finds jean and jean is arguing with annie about something  while they’re both being wallflowers and armin walks up to jean and he’s like “hey!” and jean looks at him and smiles and he’s like “hey.” and annie is like omf and then armin’s like “can I have this dance?” and jean’s like “hell yeah you can.” and so then armin takes jean’s hand and leads him to the dancefloor where everyone is dancing like a dumbass and being generally really cute and whatever but then also like mike is smelling banana’s hair and banana is like “mike no” but mike is like “mike yes” and so they both SEEM as though they’re doing something super sexual but they aren’t he’s just smelling their hair. so then like armin starts awkwardly dancing in front of jean and jean starts awkwardly dancing and then. armin is like “so you uh, come here often?” and jean is like “What?” and armin blushes and he was like “I was…making a joke or like. you know in those romcoms where…NEVERmiND” and then armin starts dancing his heart out to avoid the direct embarrassment of jean looking at him weirdly but then jean gets it finally and he’s like “no I just moved here from. uh. somewhere” and armin laughs and he’s like “wow that sounds far away” and jean’s like. “well see, not really, I mean, imagine you’re where I used to live and I’m where we are now…and my old home town is about-“ and he like, pulls armin forward and they’re flush against each other and jean’s like “this far away” and then jean JUST. IF HE COULD. HE COULD JUMP UP AND DONW BECAUSE HE JUST THOUGHT OF THAT HIMSELF??? THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING. FLIRTY AND WOW. LIKE. WOW and even armin is like. that was cheesy but well executed so now they’re dancing closer. (aw yeah you know what’s about to happen. you know what’s up. ) armin the boy wonder with the wandering hands throws his arms around jean’s neck right? right. so then jean awkwardly puts his hands on armin’s waist and he’s timid but he ain’t gonna back down this time. no way. and the song changes and it’s some ill beat by like. idk. it’s some sexy song with a sexy beat and everyone is dancing sexy because in this au everyone is like paired up with someone or something. so like. armin is trying really hard to think back to that one (but it might have also possibily been about 20) youtube video(s) he watched about ‘dacin’ in da club’ and how to be ‘a sexy hot piece of ass’. now armin’s a smart guy, and he’s very good at retaining information so despite the fact that it’s been a few years (he keeps telling himself that but he knows it was only a week ago) he remembers a bit of what the videos had said and demonstrated and what he’d uh…practiced…in his room. so he starts moving his hips to the beat and he’s suddenly so fucking thankful for those videos because even though he has no idea how to do anything or like, how to even incorporate those dance moves subtly, he at least can pretend he knows what he’s doing and sometimes that alone can be enough to do thing. so jean like, gets a tighter grip on armin’s hips as he notices they’re moving around a lot. and not…in a bad way. so jean tries to think about something else because he’s at a WEDDING for gosh sakes and even if sexy music is playing and the bride and groom are making out by the DJ it still does not make it proper to…grind against ur cute scholar bf…right? right. probably??? maybe??????? but whatever so armin still dancing like he knows what he’s doing but he doesn’t actually know at all but he looks like he does and jean’s hands are getting sweaty and also his heart is sweating because he wants to kiss this boy. and armin is like. triyng to feel the music but he’s having trouble because jean has a SUPER TIGHT HOLD ON HIS HIPS and is restricting his movement by like. being a loser. so armin leans in as close as he can and he can’t like. really reach jean’s ear without going on his tiptoes a little but he’s like “hey c’mon let’s dance?” and he doesn’t really say it sexy but he whispers it and that’s sexy enough for jean apparently because jean is like YOOOOO but at the same time this is a perfect opportunity to get armin back for like. the whole leg crotch grab thing that happened. like. a SEXY revenge like. he only got to makeout with armin in the bathroom and didn’t get to make him embarrassed. NOT THAT HE. no that’s a like he totally wants to make armin sexily embarrassed like. hell yeah motherfucker let’s go heck yes. so he finds his inner confidence and tries to like, just, center himself, because he’s JEAN KIRSCHTEIN LIKE, c’MON HE’S. JEAN. MOTHERFUCKING. KIRSCHTEIN. HE CAN DO THIS. HE CAN. DO. THIS. so armin is honestly kind of rethinking himself here because it seemed like a super good idea to be sexy but jean isn’t really…responding much like. is he. doing it wrong or…? but then. that tight grip on da hip? dat grip get smooth yo like, still strong, still yeah bro but smooth as silk. idk what that means but it becomes like. confident or whatever. confident hands there mr. jean ;) so he like. starts moving his hips around too and believe it or not jeany boy also happened to try and practice some club dancing. but. his practice was more like. he watched twerking videos and taught himself how to twerk and. he’s actually like really embarrassingly good at it now and he has yet to show the world his moves. but anyways. so he’s like. c’mon jean ur a big boy now u can do this. and armin’s like oh shit hell yeah. so this heavy beat going, sexy times at the levi/hanji wedding u know what’s up. so armin moving his hips in such a manly flirty way now and jean is also doing that. but more like. like armin is the sexy wave and jean is the boat that’s riding on it. woah there. all aboard armin’s dick hello. but the point is that armin is. like. kind of leading the show here. and he decides that they are not close enough. so he slip the leg between the boys leg but just like, lets it hang out there and he’s like “is this the leg you wanted?” and jean is about to get mad because armin’s making fun of him but he can’t really get mad because armin is also hot. so he’s like “ugh you’re such a dick” and armin’s like “nope, sorry, I’m Armin. but if you’re looking to meet a dick I could definitely hook you up with one.” ur a suave piece of shit and jean’s like “oh?” and armin’s like “he lives downtown.” “tinytown.” and then armin hits jean and he’s like “I think we’re getting better with the sexy talk but we need better topics because we can keep it going we just…need sexy things to talk about.” and jean nods in response and they’re both still swinging their hips and then armin like, hikes his leg up and jean’s like yo. and armin’s like “I wish we could just. dance without having to worry about like. people seeing.” and jean’s like “dance like no one’s watching right?” “OH YES I will totally grind my ass up against your crotch while many people WHO I DEFINITELY WILL SEE AGAIN are surrounding us.” and armin is mentally beating himself up because he wants to dance with his man but PEOPLE. JUDGEMNT. OH no. LACK OF CONFIDENCE. DAMMIT. so now they’re like awkwardly like, dancing and aren’t really moving their hips anymore and it’s very sad because they were sexy before and now they’re just sad horny boys. but they aren’t that sad because they genuinely like being around each other and don’t NEED to be doing the sex things but STILL. why NOT do the sex things when u can??? so anyways the song ends and then suddenly eren is grabbing armin and he’s like “my turn” and jean’s like. GJRUUUEOUROWUR but then mikasa takes jean’s hand and jean’s like WHAT and mikasa is like “let’s dance yo” and jean’s like. ugh. so then armin and eren’s song. comes on like. WHAT ARE THE ODDS  a remix of “don’t drop that thun thun” WOULD BE BLASTING OUT THE SPEAKERS YO. SO. so. then these boys. these two boys. god damn jean is like, awkwardly shifting around with mikasa and he’s watching armin and eren and they are. BUSTING A MOVE. OK SO LIKE. ARMIN AND EREN ARE JUST. FUCKING KILLLING THE DANCEFLOOR OK. AND SINCE THEY’RE FRIENDS AND IT’S NOT REALLY LIKE. SEXUAL FOR THEM, THEY’RE JUST, JOKE GRINDING LIKE. HOT DAMN. LIKE, not really like HELLO grinding but more like BEST BRO WE FORGET WE HAVE DICKS CAUSE I LOVE U MAN grinding. the point is that it is not sexual it is very platonic grinding but it makes jean jealous because???? he just spent like 5 mins trying to get up the courage to do that with the boy and eren can just do it like it’s the easiest thing and mikasa is like “jean I can practically SEE the jealously coming out of your skin.” and jean’s like “WHY HOW. dO HE DO??? THAT???” and mikasa is like “what? oh that? they do that all the time” and that makes JEAN EVEN MORE. JEALOUS BECAUSE. WHAT. HE HASn’T. EVEN LIKE. FUCKIn. GRINDED ONCE ON HIS HOT BLOND AND DUMB EREN HAS DONE IT NUMEROUS TIMES. “OH REALLY??” and mikasa is like “yeah. it’s their favorite dance to do.” and jean is like. DAMN cause he just. WANNA. HE just. and SUDDEN CONFIDENCE HE HAS CONFIDENCE THAT IS FUELD BY JEALOUS RAGE. SO HE LIKE. TRIES TO BREAK OUT OF MIKASA’S DEATH GRIp but he can’t. and she’s like “don’t u interfere with their fun they haven’t done this dance in weeks” and jean is like “mikasa u don’t understand” and she’s like “don’t u interfere with my boys” and jean is like damn. so whatever he finishes the awkward dance with the mikasassy and then as soon as she lets him go he’s loosening his tie and marching over to armin and eren and he’s like “excuse ME BUT-“ and eren inturrupts like “yo sup jean you can dance with armin again, ttyl” and then jean is like no I was going to get MAD at you stop being a my FRIEND FOR A SECOND WILL YOU??? and armin is like “hey jean you wanna go get a drink or something, I’m beat” and jean’s like “NONO WE MUST DANCE ARMIN” and armin’s like “no we should get a drink, I wanna congragulate hanji and levi again too.” and jean’s like NO. because he finally had all this confidence but. armin is walking off the dance floor and jean is not going to make the blond cute dance if he don’t want to so jean like. mentally stores that confidence for later and they go and get some soda and like, hanji and levi are sitting at some table except levi is like draped across hanji’s lap and armin’s like “heey” and hanji is like “BABE” and they hug and levi kind of joins the hug because he’s like smushed between them and then they chat for a bit and armin fixes some of hanji’s smeared makeup and she thanks him and they’re all joking and jean is way less awkward this time and is actually pretty chill and he’s enjoying himself and then hanji suddenly stands up and levi almost falls to the ground but jean catches his arm and then hanji grabs armin and Drags him away and jean is about to ask levi what’s up but levi kind of fast walks/trips/can’t walk in a straight line after them so jean follows and all four of them end up in the elevator and hanji is like “I wanna show you guys something” and jean feels super special right now. so they end up on the roof and they’re like WHAT’RE WE DOING HERE but then the elevator doors open and this is a fancy ass roof. it’s a very pretty roof with like, plants and lights and also. there is no one but them???? WOWZA THAT’S RAD. so then like. they walk out of the elevator and armin and jean are like. looking around and smiling because it’s a nice night out the air is crisp and yes and then suddenly music and. jean almost cries because. it’s an instrumental version of “I touch myself” and. armin DOESN’T KNOW THIS SONG BUT apparently jean does because he starts singing the words and then armin is like oh my god what the fuck is this song. and jean’s like “I DON”T WANT. ANYBODY ELSE. WHEN I THINK ABOUT U I TOUCH MYSELF” and armin is laughing and feels like a dumb and then hanji and levi try and quietly leave but aren’t quiet at all and they knock over a plant but who the fuck care anymore anyways right who care because now boys standing alone on roof. hanji is the best cousin in the world because she fucking PLANNED THIS shit OUT. and jean like wants to dance so he starts pretend tap dancing cause his shoes make cool noises and then armin also does that and then they’re laughing because they’re lame and then they hug and jean like runs a finger through armins hair and smiles hE SMILES THAT SMILE. OK HE SMILES THE SMILE THAT IS LIKE. AN ANIME MOMENT SMILE LIKE. THE REAL ASS SMILE OK NOT LIKE.  A SMIRK LIKE. THIS IS LIKE. FUCKIN HOW DO I EVEN LIKE. OK LIKE. FUCKING LIKE. HOW MAKOTO LOOKS AT HARU AND THEN AFTER THE THING HOW HARu SMILES I’m SORRY FOR TALKING ABOUT FREE BUT IT��S ONE OF THOSE SMILES I’M SORRY OH MY GOD IDK HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN IT BUT IT’S LIKE THAT OK OMFG OK OK OK OK OK JUST IMAGINE PLS OKFGMgfMFOGimr OK I’m SO. I JUST ATE SOME FOOD SO I GOT. LIKE. MY BLOODSUGAR IS LIKE HELLO OK OK OK. ok ok ok so jean’s like “how’d you like the party?” and armin hugs him and he’s like “it was fun, I’m glad you could come.” and jean’s like “i’m glad we spent the summer together” and then armin hugs him tighter and he’s like “I’m glad eren couldn’t come with on the roadtrip” and jean’s like “I’m glad you asked me out.” and armin’s like “I’m glad you’re hot.” and jean’s like “I’m glad you’re hot.” and they both laguh and little and jean rests his dumb chin on armin’s head and armin is like “hey jean.” and jean’s like “yeah?” and armin’s like “I don’t want to break up.” and jean’s laughs and he’s like “good cause I don’t want to either” and then armin’s like “I mean…I don’t want to break up when we leave for college.” and jean breaks out of the hug a little just to look down at armin and he’s like. “same.” and armin’s like “I don’t care about…distance jean. I. really, really like you uh…” and jean’s like “no me too! I. I mean we can skype and call on the phone and we won’t even be that far away like. only a few hours!” and armin’s like “I would offer to. transfer to your college but…I’m not gonna do that because. education is important” and jean laughs again and he’s like “I know. I wouldn’t ask you to do that, that’s fuckin dumb.” and armin laughs and jean’s like “I really like you too…and there’s no fuckin way we’re breaking up because of distance. no fucking way.” and then armin smiles and he DOES THE THING. where he looks away and smiles u know like. and jean is like. DAMn. so he kisses the boy because HE FUCKING CAN??? and it’s a messy kiss but passion like the rivers u know. the pASSiOn is STRONG. but then suddenly the urgency says hello because college and they just realized they won’t be able ot just see each other every day and they’re like SHIT. SO like. armin is like OH DAMN. so he like. grips jean’s nice tux like. ARMIN DON’T CRINKLE THAT TUX but neither of them CARE but jean’s ma is gonna be mad except she totally isn’t. so then anyways. they’re kissing and breathing and then jean laughs and he’s like “you taste like fanta” and armin laughs and it’s like jean what the fuck why u always thinking about how this boy tastes ur such a loser and idk how to make this kiss scene any different from all the other ones I’ve ever explaied so like. ok uh. like. ok. um. OK. SO. then armin’s like “you taste like coke” and jean is like “ ’s good?” and armin nods and then just like. pushes on jean’s shoulders so he gets the message to sit down and then armin sits down in front of him and carefully pulls him into another kiss and then they do the cute forehead touch thing and he’s like “hey” and jean’s like “hi” and armin’s like “I REALLY REALLY LIKE YOU” and jean’s like “I LIKE YOU TOO” and suddenly they’re both full of emotion again like YOU KNOW THAT FEELING WHERE YOU’RE TOTALLY FINE BUT THEN SUDDENLY YOU’RE JUST LIKE. YOU CAN’T EVEN BREATHE YOUR EMOTIONS ARE SO STRONG AGAIN AND like. armiN TACKLES the boy. FOOTBALL GAME OF KISS. and jeans’ like. WOAH. and he kind of bumps his head but barely notices because he actually does have a hard skull ok whatever so then armin is just straddling that boy but like. laying down over him? does that make sense who even care. and they’re both just laughing because they’re gay. and then jean kisses the top of armin’s head and this is so FLUFF WHAT THE FRICK and armin’s just like “JEAN I REALLY LIKE YOU SO MUCH” and HE IS LIKE. GRIppING JEAN SO TIGHT AND JEAN GRIPPING BACK and he’s just like “I KNOW YOU JUST. SAID SO I REALLY LIKE YOU TOO. I REALLY LIKE YOU ARMIN I LIKE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!” and then they kissing again and it very cute and like. it’s how you’d kiss someone on th beach, except they’re on a roof and the bass is BOOM BOOM BAM underneath them and there is a small breeze and some weird instrumental music is playing in the background and they kissing and laughing and smling and happy because UGRUHGurHGuhrgurhGU and then there is some touching of the arm’s butt again because jean like that butt a lot. and then armin rolls off jean and lays on his back and they look at the stars for a little bit because they can see them and it’s nice out and they’re just laying on a roof in tuxes and this is dumb and they both have cray ruffled hair and their ties and suits are dead and they are LAME and jean doesn’t know any STARS but he knows the lyrics to the instrumental versions of these songs so he keeps singing quietly and armin’s like “you have a nice voice jean” and jean’s like UHOIMGORigm so he ROLLS ON TOP OF THAT BOY AND KISSES HIS FACE ALL OVER AND THEN KISSES HIS NECK AND THEN HE ALSO TICKLES THE Arm AND IT VERY CUTE AND THEY KISSU KISSU AND HOORAY KKSISISYSISKEsIEKSIEkIS and then Sex??????? no. no sex. they just kiss tonight. the sex comes later in life. they no sex yet for while. AND THAT IS. WHERE I’m GOING  TO END THIS FUCKING THING BECAUSE IT ENDED UP BEING 95 PAGES IN WORD AND Is 34805 WORDS AND THIS IS FUCKING DUMB WHY DID THIS TAKE SO LONG OH MY GOD I’M EMBARRASSED THIS IS SO LAME oMFGOMRg WHATEVER I’m NOT EVEN SORRY I’m NOT EVEN GONNA SAY THERE WILL BE A PART 3 BECAUSE PART 3 IS JUST THAT LEVI AND HANJI GO ON A HONEYMOON AND ARMIN AND JEAN GO TO COLLEGE AND THEN AFTER THEY REALIZE THEY CAN’T ACTUALLY MEET AS OFTEN AS THEY WaNTED TO THE NEXT TIME THEY MEET THEN THEY DO THE SEX AND IT’S REALLY NOT THAT GReAT BUT IT IS EMOTIONAL AND THEY’RE LIKE WOW WOW WOW BUT THEN THE NEXT TIMES THEY TRY THE SEX IT WORKS OUT BETTER AND IS VERY FUN THEN THEY SEX A LOT BECAUSE THEY’RE DUMB BOY BUT THEY STILL EAT LOTS OF PIZZA AND KiSS AND THEY ALSO HAVE FIGHTS AND STUFF BUT THAT’S  TO BE EXPECTED AND ANNIE AND EREN KEEP DATING AND THEN THEY ALL END UP GOING TO BERT AND REINER’S WEDDING OR SOMETHING AND JEAN AND ARMIN NEVER EVER BREAK UP EVER AND I’m HAPPY AND EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND HANJI HAS A BABY aND TRIES TO NAME HER BEAN BUT LEVI SAYS NO

[chiefbeck]

Chapter 6: Thoughts on What Being a Guy Means

One the things that sticks with me is how I saw other boys and other girls, and this attitude remains when I see men and women to this day.

I look at normal guys, ones who don’t question their gender identity, and am sometimes envious of how they are; they think differently about everything compared to me. A guy sees a girl and wants to be with her; his only goal is to get her into bed and have his way with her. A guy sees a beautiful woman walk by and whistles at them. They do the other “guy” things that they do like make crass comments or have their tongues dangle to the floor, and I find that infuriating. When I see a woman, I see them as a person and also the shoes and outfit and envy how beautiful they are, wishing I was them, wishing I had that shape, wishing I had her face, wishing that I too can be soft and pretty. I don’t see a man or a woman as someone to “be” with as in a relationship or sexual way; I only had envy to be one or the other and not caught in the middle of both.

I lamented all the thought and energy that I put into wishing or trying to be the woman that was trapped inside this masculine shell. I saw the guys and was jealous of them because they didn’t struggle with being men. They were men; they wanted to be men; all was right in their world, and they couldn’t be happier with who they were. I spent all of my energy and thoughts trying to fight who I was and figuring out what was “my normal.”

I imagined how great it would be not to think this way, to just be comfortable in my own skin; I couldn't stop the way I thought or what I wanted to be or who I really was. I kept doing it, guilt ridden and full of angst. When I turned 18 I threw away all of the pieces of clothing that I acquired from my sister in an attempt to purge my shell of who I really was and vowed that I would be a man like it said on my birth certificate and not think or dress as the woman I knew I really was. I was an adult, and it was time to put away childish things. I was going to be what everyone expected me to be. That lasted a few months, and I was back to escaping into the real me as often as I dared.

OoO

My town during High School years was very small, and I’m not even sure if there was anyone that was Gay or Lesbian. There was no “out” back then, or I didn't know or understand what being out of a closet was or meant. I know the words existed, but it wasn’t a lifestyle that was in the open, especially in a small town. If there were people back then who were homosexual or queer, they kept that very quiet and to themselves because it wasn’t very acceptable. But looking back, I could see things now that I wouldn’t have been able to pick up back then. Remember, I was a pretty naïve kid who was being raised by conservative parents who didn’t talk about sex or gender, much less an alternative lifestyle.

I was in the school plays and musicals in high school and had one very good friend who I spent a lot of time with during those years. I remember one particular event with my friend back during our senior year.

His name was Clarence, and we rehearsed the plays, and then went to the local all-night diner, ate some food, and then walked to my house. He lived far out of town, and on these late nights, he would just crash at my house.

On one of those nights, we were both sleeping on the ground with a few covers stacked up instead of a bed. It was comfortable for teenagers, and later in life I would sleep on much worse. We would talk into the night about whatever kids talked about, probably things going on at school and whatever the upcoming production was that we were performing in.

This one night it was somewhat chilly, and we were talking. He scooted over very close to me and said it was cold, would I like to share the blankets with him and keep warm. I kind of nonchalantly said no I wasn’t that cold and I rolled over and said good night. He was sleeping real close and nearly pressed against me as I rolled over to sleep. In my mind, I just thought he was cold and wanted to stay warm, and I didn’t think anything past that. Like I said, I was really naïve, and the thought of homosexuality never entered my mind.

At the time, I didn’t know he was gay. Although, he was the only guy in the school to be at the vocational tech school for hairdressing and make up. I didn’t think anything of a guy being a hairdresser and how he acted or dressed or anything. He was my friend, and at this time in my life, that was all I cared about. I look back and see how ignorant I was of so much in the real world.

I look back and see that he was making a very overt pass at me, and my not knowing and rolling over and saying good night was a rebuff to him. He took it as a no, and he went on like nothing happened; I was oblivious to the whole thing and went on being best friends. Many years after high school, he was living in the city and “came out” as gay. I was kind of surprised and just think about what a big dummy I was back then in so many ways. I am learning and continue to learn. (Psst, It’s cool, I am a human.)

But it does make me think about my life back then. Did he know? Did he know there was something about me that was different? Could he tell that I wasn’t the man I was portraying to the rest of the world? Could he see past the disguise and have a glimpse the real me, of the girl inside who was so aching to get out but was trapped with no way out? It makes me wonder, but I can’t go back and figure things out; I’m too busy trying to figure out life now. I wish Clarence was still alive so I could talk with him today and share some stories. He died of a “mysterious disease” soon after high school.

!

During my high school days, I was only caught once wearing female clothing. One of my good friends who was a tough guy, a cowboy type of guy, used to come over to the house. He had a truck, and in 1984, that was a big deal for seniors in high school. And his truck was very cool, a 1952 dodge. The drinking age was eighteen at the time, so we would ride out to the woods with a case of beer where everyone would meet. So he came over often enough that he would just walk into the house, none of the doors were ever locked back then and it was the social etiquette of the time.

One particular time I was dressed in a dress, panty hose, high heels and a wig. He walked into the house and up the stairs and into my room. Bam! There I was. He looked at me and just stared for a minute, almost like he was in shock or dumbfounded. Then he asked what was up. This was my chance, I could go on hiding or I could take a risk and let one person in the whole world know the truth. I decided that I had hidden long

OoO

!

enough. I sat down on the bed; he closed the door and sat down in the desk chair. I told him what it felt like.

“I feel good when I wear these clothes,” I told him. “I don’t do it all the time, and I am not sure why I have to do it, but I do it in my room and feel like this is the real me.” I shaved my legs all the time with the excuse of the swim team so my legs were very smooth and with the hosiery on it was just like a girl. I told him about the shaving and the hosiery and how it all felt and that I was a girl when I was like this. I said, “Look, rub my knee.” He did and I asked him, “See it feels like a girl, right?” He said, “Yes.” I smiled sheepishly at him, and then I asked him to leave and let me get dressed so we can get out of here.

He left the room, and I put on some jeans and a t-shirt. Nothing more was said; we went to the bar.

The subject never really ever came up after that. Every once in a while he would ask me if I was ok. The look in his eyes kind of let me know he was talking about the girl. I said, “Yes, I am doing fine.”

We were friends for a long time; I lost touch after awhile.

There was never anything about the sex for me; it was all about me just being the girl that I was and living a life in peace. Living a life where I didn’t dislike or hate myself. I still feel that way today and just think more about living a real life...just “being me.”